#Black Knight Show

[thedreamingfish99]

Bright Sun Chapter Two

5-8 x Reader

Summary

Sawol is tired of seeing the two of you fight over everything and hate each other, but for better or for worst, a traumatic event might be what was needed to bring 5-8 and you closer to each other.

Warnings : Slow burn, Ansgt, Hurt, Possible death

Words : 3K

A/N: Heya sorry for the long wait, I've been pretty busy in December, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

- - - - -

CHAPTER TWO

You pressed your hands against your eyes, trying to take away the sleepiness from them. You had been sleeping so deeply it took you some time to truly come back to reality and take in the situation. You watched as Sawol slammed the door shut, quickly running to the front of the truck. You could barely see him through the violence of the storm, but the low beam helped cut his silhouette from the dark. You squinted your eyes, trying to see what had made him come to a stop, that’s when you spotted the supposed dead body laying on the ground.

You felt your chest tighten with fear. 

‘’It’s a trap!’’ you screamed at Sawol even though he couldn’t hear you.

The fear took your sleepiness away in an instant. You opened your glove box, grabbed your handgun as fast as you could and quickly threw yourself out of the truck without even taking the time to put on your mask. The panic rushing through your veins barely made you feel the heavy landing your ankles endured. The visibility was horrible, and you cursed yourself for forgetting to at least grab your goggles. The sand was violently slashing at your face, your eyes were burning, uncontrollable tears flying down your cheeks, but you kept running until you could reach Sawol. He had disappeared into the thickness of the storm.

A scream resonated not too far away, your grip on your gun tightened as you raised it in the direction of the noise. Worry was crushing your chest, you felt so close to throwing up. That scream sounded too much like Sawol. Taking a few careful steps towards the scream, you suddenly saw a few shadows appearing through the thickness of the storm.  They seemed to be fighting and it seemed to be five against one, five hunters against your friend. Your running came to a sudden stop when you saw the lone shadow get hit and fall to the ground. 

‘’SAWOL!’’ you screamed, afraid of the worse.

The hunters’s shadow turned in your direction at your shout, but you were already raising your weapon and firing away at them, rage disrupting your usually soft traits. It didn’t take you long to take care of the five shadows, watching them fall rapidly one after the other each time you shot. You had always been an incredible shot, that was your strength. Being a delivery woman, you knew you needed more than to know how to fight with your fist to survive. You were strong, yes, but there would always be a bigger enemy and that’s why you trained more than anyone with every weapon available to you, and guns were your choice of preference, always. 

After observing the lack of movements from the downed hunters, you rushed to Sawol’s immobile body.

You fell to your knees next to him and held his head, calling his name repeatedly. His lack of response was worrying, but after looking for a pulse, you felt your entire body relax with relief. He wasn’t dead, only unconscious. You searched for his wounds, only to find the back of his head bleeding. If he hadn't been a mutant, you would’ve been extremely scared, but having already survived being shot in the head, you felt safe to assume he would be more than fine. 

Taking a deep breath, you grabbed a hold of him and tried to lift him. He was truly heavy and it took you a lot of effort to get yourself as straight as possible. You slowly carried him back to the truck, taking a painful amount of time, as you breathed heavily from the effort it was taking you. Inhaling an insane amount of dust by doing so. 

Getting Sawol’s unconscious body back in the truck took you an awful amount of time. By the time you were done, you could barely breathe. You hadn’t had any clean oxygen in too long, mixed in with the dust, you felt like your lungs were on fire. You weren’t really aware of how you made it back to the hangar, feeling on the verge of passing out any seconds, you uncontrollable fits of cough probably being the only thing keeping you awake. 

As soon as you stopped the truck, you kicked your door open, but couldn’t control your loss of balance due to your weakness and crashed hard on the concrete floor. Your vision was blurry, you felt your name being screamed and strong arms wrapping themself around you. You grabbed onto their shirt, coughing loudly, managing to breath out Sawol’s name before passing out.

- - - - -

5-8’s eyes widened as he caught your truck rushing through the hangar dangerously fast. You brusquely came to halt a few meters from where he had been supposedly cleaning his truck for the last hour, looking for an excuse to wait for your arrival with Sawol. 

Curious of your panicked entrance, 5-8 felt his worry raise. He started walking in your truck’s direction, only to see you falling from your seat and hitting the floor heavily. Panicked, 5-8 ran to your side, yelling your name. He grabbed onto you, lifting your head to face his. The man felt his heart drop at the sight of your wounded face. Your eyes were bloodshot and quite literally crying tears of blood. Your whole face was full of open wounds from the sand slashing at your face, blood bleeding out of your nose as well as surrounding your mouth from all the heavy coughing you had gone through. 

‘’Y/N… Y/N can you hear me?’’

You didn’t answer him immediately and tried, unsuccessfully, to focus your eyes on him. 

‘’Sawol..’’

5-8 had barely heard you by how hoarse your voice sounded, but still understood. He blinked in confusion, suddenly realizing he had forgotten about his young protege at your pitiful sight, he gave a quick glance around him, seeing a few delivery men rushing over.

‘’Kid’s still in the truck, take him to the infirmary.’’ he instructed them. 

They nodded and rushed to Sawol’s side. 5-8 turned his attention back to you, feeling his heart drop when he realized you had fully closed your eyes and looked unconscious. 

“Y/N..? Y/N wake up!”

Tightening his hold around your shoulders, he placed his free arm under your legs and picked you up. 5-8 carefully made his way to the infirmary, keeping a strong hold on you. Your head was pressed against his chest, directly above his heart, making it resonate even louder inside of him. 

A painful moan escaped your lips, you seemed to have gained consciousness again but hadn’t opened your eyes yet. 5-8 was honestly wondering if the loud beating of his heart woke you up. He looked down at you, your face distorted by pain. 5-8 bit his lips and started walking a little faster than before.

‘’Lay her there.’’  4-1 ordered him as he entered the small infirmary. 

He slowly laid you down on a cold metallic table, making sure to carefully put your head down on it. 5-8 barely realized his hands lingering on you, until 4-1 pushed him aside, resulting in a strange coldness on his fingers, already missing the warmth of your touch. He stumbled backwards, anxious by his own inability to be of any help in your recovery. He stared silently at you while 4-1 slid an oxygen mask on your face. A sudden coughing fit took you, making you sit up. 5-8 took a few shy steps towards you, wanting to help, but 4-1 just pushed him out of the room. 

‘’Your staring is annoying and you're in the way, make yourself busy elsewhere. ’’ she said harshly but with a glint of warmth in your eyes. ‘’She’ll be fine.’’

She slammed the door right in front of him, leaving 5-8 feeling extremely confused. He blinked a few times, trying to get his thoughts back in order, and slowly walked back to your truck. The only thing he seemed to be able to do to help in the moment was taking care of your truck. He climbed in and moved it into your designated parking lot. 

Even after being done, 5-8 couldn't seem to be able to remove his hands from the steering wheel. He was gripping it tightly, looking straight into the void in front of him, completely lost in his thoughts. 

What had just happened? 

He gripped his shirt, feeling his blood pumping strongly. 

What were those feelings? 5-8 had always been so calm, had always managed to keep a stable grip on his emotions, keeping him in constant control of his actions. But when he saw you falling off your truck, your face crimson red from all the blood, he just lost it. He didn’t even think of Sawol until you called his name and felt ashamed at the realization. 

There was one thing 5-8 truly hated, and it was to lose his ability to control himself, unconsciously, he had always been aware of your ability to make him lose his calm, and he hated it. This was the main reason why he found you so annoying, why he never wanted to talk or even think about you. This was the foundation of his hatred for you. But he would never admit it, nor what those kinds of feelings might actually mean. 5-8 closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He chased away his thoughts, not enjoying the rush of uncontrollable feelings it brought him and, and regained his usual emotionless state of mind. 

As he opened the door, ready to jump down the truck, his eyes caught on your notes, safely tucked in the door’s net holder. 

Without thinking, 5-8 reached for it, not able to resist the temptation. He opened it carefully, as if it was a precious relic and observed every page, one after the other, without being able to stop himself even though guilt logged itself in his stomach. His curiosity was way stronger. He had dreamed of laying eyes on those notes ever since Sawol had told him about your research. 

5-8 couldn’t believe it, he honestly didn’t know what to think of it. Not really knowing what to do, he closed your notes, putting them back to where they belong. Still in shock, he mindlessly walked back to the infirmary.

His fingers slid across the pages full of charcoal. He liked the feeling, it was rougher than the pages of the books he had scavenged over the years, the paper of your notes were thicker, they felt nice under his touch. He truly understood why you cared so much about this book, yes it was your notes, it was months of your for you, but the book in itself was an antiquity, a precious treasure of forgotten times. Everything was screens now, they didn’t produce paper anymore, and when your pages would be filled, you’d have to look for a new one yourself.

5-8 didn’t know how long he stared at it, flipping through each page one by one. He read every note you wrote, admiring how detailed you were, calculating the percentage of pollution and warmth produced by the sun. He found himself enjoying the small doodles you had made all around. At first they were mostly your equipment and probably the landscape around the rooftop you went to. But then he saw some portraits here and there, mostly you Sawol, which made him smile. Sawol smiling brightly or sleeping on the ground. There were some other delivery men as well as sketches of trucks and some decent looking places in the hangar. When he reached an empty page, 5-8 unconsciously flipped through the rest of the book, making sure he didn’t miss anything else. He stopped himself near the end of your notes seeing a few pages darkened by the brush of your pencil.

He felt his heart skip a beat as he opened the first page filled with drawings hiding at the end of your book. They were all drawings of him, pages filled with frozen moments of his life. He admired himself, painted with a smile on his face, saw himself boxing with a punching bag, cleaning his truck, giving instructions during some of their secret meetings. Many of the drawings were just of his face in many expressions. 5-8 felt warm, incredibly warm. He had difficulty breathing and tried unzipping the top of his vest, barely succeeding from how much his hands were shaking. He had completely forgotten about any precious thoughts of changing the weird feelings he felt towards you into hatred and annoyance. All he could think about right now was his heart beating so loudly he thought it might explode, and the fact that you had been watching him, drawing him. 

- - - - -

Painkillers numbed every part in your body, you didn’t feel much of anything anymore, except for the burning of your eyes and your throat. 4-1 had left some time ago, saying you were fine, but that the sand had irritated your mouth, nose and eyes until they bled, and that your lack of clean oxygen was probably what had made you pass out in the end. There wasn’t much else she could do to help you, only time could heal your wounds now. You had been relieved when she told you Sawol was fine, that he had only passed out from the hit he had received behind the head, but that he’d probably wake up soon. She then had left you alone in the room with his sleeping body. 

You climbed down the table slowly, your head throbbing from pain, and made your way next to Sawol, grabbing a chair and placing it next to his bed. You sat there a while, holding his hand and waiting. 

The infirmary door suddenly opened behind you, making you jump in surprise. Hand pressed against your chest, you took a deep breath when you saw 5-8 standing in the doorway. He had scared the hell out of you. He raised an eyebrow at you, in a quiet request to come in. You nodded in response, not really surprised that 5-8 had come back, he was probably worried about Sawol. 

But you didn’t feel ready to face the man, not when the memory of his strong arms holding and carefully bringing you to the infirmary filled your mind. After seeing him again, your thoughts were uncontrollably filled with him, you remembered his warmth and the feeling of his heart beating against your head.

The more you thought about it, and the more what 4-1 had told you sounded wrong. You hadn’t passed out from the lack of clean oxygen, you had passed from being in 5-8’s arms. Feeling the blood rushing to your cheeks, you turned your attention back to the sleeping beauty next to you, hiding your flustered expression to the man entering the room.

You watched from the corner of your sight as 5-8 walked around Sawol’s table until he stopped near his head. You watched silently as he delicately placed his hand at the top of Sawol’s head and gently caressed his hair. 

“How is he?” 

Your heart skipped a beat upon hearing his deep voice. You lifted your eyes to meet him, but when you opened your mouth to answer him, no sound came out of it, only a hoarse attempt to work ‘’Fine’’. You coughed loudly, and 5-8 quickly interrupted you before you could try again.

“Rest your voice, it’s fine.’’ he reassured you. ‘’It’s probably gonna take a lot more than whatever happened to kill this kid.’’

You felt a chuckle attempting to escape your lips, only to come out as another set of coughs. You groaned, face twisted with pain. 

 5-8 brows furrowed as he looked at you, an unusual warmth in his eyes. 

‘’Sorry…’’ he smiled softly. 

Your eyes widened at the sight, was he smiling… at you?

Feeling your heart beating furiously, you didn’t know what to do nor where to look to try and hide your reddening face. You didn’t know how to deal with this, was he kind to you only because of your state at the moment? This was unusual. You know how to deal with his annoying remarks, you were good at feeling annoyed at him as soon as he addressed you. You were also extremely good at observing him from afar, since the man was annoyingly handsome and quite satisfying to draw. But the moments of calm and joy you observed from him were usually not directed towards you and you didn’t have to deal with that heartstopper of a smile, not like you did at the moment. And you couldn’t help but love the way he softly smiled at you, eyes sparkling with something you couldn’t identify. And you couldn’t help yourself but hope he’d smile at you again and again and again…

You shook your head, trying desperately to chase away  the flush of your cheeks and come back to reality. 5-8 was looking at Sawol, he seemed lost in thoughts as well. You cleared your throat, trying to ignore the pain of doing so. 

‘’I… I’m sorry.’’

You knew those words were yours, but they were said in a voice far from yours, it was strange hearing yourself talk like this, and it definitely did not feel good. 5-8 looked at you confused, the expression on his face clearly asking you for more details.

‘’I-it’s my fau-fault he got hurt. I sh-should’ve be-’’

‘’Stop it…’’ he interrupted you more harshly than he would’ve wanted. ‘’You need to rest your throat.’’

You frowned, wanting to explain yourself, but he continued, surprising you with the softness of his words.

‘’Plus, Sawol is a grown man and a certified Delivery man, he’s more than able to defend himself. It could’ve happen to anyone.’’

5-8 stood up before you could even try to add anything else.  He silently walked to the door, your eyes following him with every step. He opened the door, ready to leave, but stopped himself in his tracks and locked back at you from above his shoulder.

‘’Take some few days off, you need some rest.’’ 

You felt your heart burst into your chest as you watched him rapidly exit the room. you could swear you had seen some colors on his face.

A/N : I really enjoyed writing this chapter, some feelings are starting to show up! Hoping to see you for the next one. Much love!

[marsuro]

Illustration I did for a DnD zine last year done by friends!

[francy-sketches]

I bet aerion's carrd would go crazy

[stardestroyer81]

After many a shovel-swinging adventure throughout the Valley of Landurr, it's always nice to kick back and relax at a billowing campfire with the friends you've made along the way.

💙 Happy 10th Anniversary, Shovel Knight!!! 💙

[rexecutioner]

Yall are eating well today

Have an older drawing of the Shadow Knights

They all painted their nails ✨ They r so fruity

fuck you mcd gene i hope you rot in hell and never leave ever again

[63choux]

RESCUE! 🏃‍♀️ (as inspired by gameplay moments)

[chelsiegeorgia]

After 15 years I finally got the chance to finish this game!! 😭 I had black knight in the Wii as a kid but never finished it coz I sucked at games back then haha I got to play it with a ps4 controller if you catch my drift ;) and it's easily become one of my absolute favourite Sonic games!

[bonetrousledbones]

Can you tell us your the reasons for why you like Papyrus? (I’m sure you’ve did this before xd, but I always enjoyed rambles about Papyrus. Hope you’re well!)

oh it is 100% his whole loneliness thing. growing up i was a chronic friend group hopper all the way from kindergarten to 8th grade and then by high school that didn't work anymore so i just kinda didn't have any genuine friends for basically that entire 4 years. so hyperfixating so hard on a character who's basically completely centered around that struggle helped me feel a bit less hopeless about it. the funny thing is i think pre-undertale papyrus actually had more friends than i did back then but like its the little things

that's why this fic that i'm gonna plug again hit me so hard tbh. shit sucks when you're trying so so hard to be friendly and engage in other people and then you get to a point where you have to realize they're not at all interested in returning the favor, even if they're not overtly rude about it or anything, they just don't care to get to know you any deeper than surface level convenience and it gets real hard to not let yourself get angsty about it lmao

i do think that while sometimes i wish i hadn't been given such free internet access as a kid i'm still really lucky that i was able to be exposed to undertale when i was. it's such a unapologetically hopeful game that i'm sure it absolutely impacted the way that i think about things today in terms of optimism and the ability to turn bad situations around, and papyrus plays a huuuge part of that entire message. if it weren't for him, i'm honestly not sure if i would've had the drive to keep trying to connect with other people even when it didn't work for so long.

so tl;dr thank you funny little skeleton man for constantly reminding me that making friends is still possible even when your demeanor is frankly weird as fuck. sometimes you just gotta keep truckin until you find your people even if it takes a while

[robin-fable-art]

“Dance with me, my friend~”

“Show me you’re worthy of a starring role~!”

[scoobydoobaday]

The Scooby Doo Show S01E06 - Scared a Lot in Camelot (1976) Hanna Barbera Productions

[pilotduty]

ouppy

[thedreamingfish99]

Bright Sun Chapter One

5-8 x Reader

Summary Sawol is tired of seeing the two of you fight over everything and hate each other, but for better or for worst, a traumatic event might be what was needed to bring 5-8 and you closer to each other. Warnings : Slow burn, Ansgt, Hurt, Possible death Words : 4K Notes :

A/N: Haven't wrote anything in a while, but after watching Black Knight (Because Woo Bin is my god ever since School 2013) and absolutely falling with his character, I looked for fanfics and was disappointed by the small amount. So here I am trying to help some other lost souls like me. I really hope you enjoy! - - - - - CHAPTER ONE

The sky was getting clearer by the day, the sun beaming through fewer and fewer clouds as time passed. Sawol opened his window, pulling his arms on the edge to press his face against the grid and take his head out in the wind. He had started doing this every time 5-8 would light himself a cigarette, not really enjoying the smell of it, but truly loving the feeling of the caress of the wind on his face.

Even after they had stopped Cheonmyeong trucks from polluting the air, you still couldn't survive outside for more than twenty minutes without a mask. It was no surprise, it would probably take decades for them to be able to roam the earth free of a mask, if ever. But twenty minutes was no small feat compared to the eight minutes it used to be.

Sawol took a deep breath, even polluted, the fresh air tasted much better than the filtered one he was used to.

“It smells so good.” He whispered, taking in another full breath.

“Smells the same as always, polluted.”

Sawol turned to face the stoic man beside him, no expression showing on his face as he took one last inhale of his cigarette before exhaling and throwing it out of the truck's window. He then pressed on the switch, closing the windows with no pity for Sawol's arms that got pulled up with them.

He quickly regained his posture in his seat and faced his driver.

“Have you no joy in life except cigarettes?’’ Sawol asked, honestly curious.

5-8 gave him an empty glance before turning his attention back on the road. Knowing he wouldn't get any response, Sawol continued.

‘’Why can't you even enjoy the freshness of the air? You gave that to us!’’

5-8's mouth twitched with annoyance.

“I didn't give anything to anyone, I only took down the worm that was eating us alive.” He grunted in reference to Cheonmyeong.

“Fine.” Sawol pouted.

He folded his arms on his chest, his attention turned back to the road. It was quiet today like it had been for the past couple of days that he had gone on deliveries with 5-8. It had barely been a week since the event of Cheonmyeong's takedown and Sawol was still healing from the wounds he had gotten in the tournaments finals and the drugs that were administered to him. Well, that's the excuse he gave to everyone at the moment, not that it was a lie, his head was still killing him and he would feel some dizziness take over him from time to time, but in all honesty, he didn't feel quite ready to be on the road alone. He was scared to mess up and disappoint 5-8 on his first day.

Sawol shook his head to chase those thoughts away, he already had a solution, no time to dwell on that now.

“The sun..”

Sawol turned a confused look toward his friend, and raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain. 5-8 gave him a side eye and let out a long sigh.

“What brings me joy.’’ He continued in a low tone. ‘’ I like seeing the sun more and more every day.”

“Oh,” Sawol breathed out, remembering the question he had asked a few moments ago. A large grin grew across his face.

“What? You think it's more stupid than smelling the air like an idiot?” 5-8 teased him. ‘’At least I'm looking at something visible.”

Sawol took offense but didn't let his grin die. He turned in his seat to face the older man, who watched him from the corner of his vision, eyebrows raised in a quiet question as to why the younger one was smiling.

‘’Y/N and you are so much more alike than you think.’’

5-8 rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed upon hearing this, he let out an incomprehensible mumble, the grip on his steering wheel tightening. Sawol laughed at the sight of such visible emotion from the usual oh-so-unnothered legend.

‘’I can’t be as annoying as 6-2, that's for sure.’’

‘’I don’t care what you think or whatever quarrel there is between you too, it’s still true. You two are the same.’’

5-8 gave him a tired look and went back to concentrate on the road. Sawol was annoyed, his grin long gone. He lifted his legs, and feet on the seat and hugged his knees, resting his chin on them as he quietly watched the view from his window. Turned his back on 5-8, giving him the silent treatment. He hated the constant bickering going on between those two. Right after 5-8, Y/N was his closest friend. She was always there the whole time of his training when he was preparing to compete in the delivery man recruitment tournaments. She gave him amazing advice, trained him to fight, to drive better, and even helped him learn a few manners, not that he really listened during those sessions but still! She took care of him, brought him food when he forgot to eat by training for too long, she even took him to her place a few times so they could hang out, but mostly so she could be sure he rested well enough for him to heal and be ready for the next day. She took care of him like a big sister while his wasn’t available, and he loved her like family. Sawol let out a sad sigh, what in the world did he do to deserve that his two favorite people have a pure hatred towards each other? He never knew where those mutual feelings came from, not that he didn’t ask, that he did and many times. But he had never gotten a different answer then;

‘’She’s annoying’’ ‘’He’s annoying.’’

Their similarity used to make Sawol laugh about the situation, he remembered telling them that hating the other was pretty much like hating themself, but he only had reserved cold glances in return. Now, Sawol was just annoyed by it, desperate that their relationship would change for them to at least bear each other, enough that he could talk about the other without being ignored or interrupted by an insult.

The mutant closed his eyes, his head was starting to hurt.

- - - -

5-8 sent him a few glances, feeling slightly bad to make the younger one upset. He knew 6-2 was a sensitive subject with Sawol, he adored her so much. 5-8 used to wonder why, being such an annoying person as she was, but after hearing so many things she did for the youngster, he did at least understand and respect that fact. But it wouldn’t change the pure annoyance he felt towards her. 5-8 wasn’t used to feelings much, to him, his feelings were more of an observation than an experience. He did feel happiness, but he wouldn’t really laugh. He did feel sadness, but he wouldn’t cry. He never really felt deeply, with the exception of his hatred for Cheonmyeong… and his annoyance for 6-2. This woman could make him boil with anger sometimes, everything related to her, he would feel it times 10, and he hated it.

5-8 let out a sigh, he untightened his grip on the steering wheel and looked at Sawol. Sawol made him feel too, like the younger brother 5-8 never had. He cared deeply for him, more than he would admit, and he hated to see him upset, especially when it was against him.

‘’Why?’’ 5-8 resigned and asked. The youngest didn’t even open his eyes as he asked;

‘’Why what?’’

‘’Why do you think we’re so alike?’’ 5-8 gritted his teeth. ‘’Me and the annoying one.’’

Sawol jumped on his seat, eyes widened in surprise. He couldn’t believe what he had just been asked.

‘’W-what did you?’’

5-8 was starting to get annoyed, he didn’t even want to talk about it. He just felt bad for the kid and he was tired of the silence, he was used to no silence at all when Sawol was around, and he liked it this way. The man let out a grunt, looking back at the road.

Probably scared that this chance would never come again, Sawol decided to answer without forcing the grumpy man to repeat himself. He sat back comfortably in his seat, a soft smile stretching his lips.

‘’It’s what you said about the sun.’’

5-8 blinked in confusion, he glanced at Sawol as if pressing him to continue. He couldn’t help but be curious, no one really seemed to care about the sun except for him.

‘’Y/N, I mean 6-2 to you,’’ He let out a small chuckle before continuing. ‘’She showed me her tools and her notes, you’d love it, you know? She goes to one of the tall buildings in the old city. The same roof at the same time every day. When the sun is at its zenith, she said that’s when you can enjoy its warmth the most. She takes notes about it, some kind of research she told me. She notes the warmth and the brightness of the sun, and its color too. She notes the amount of clouds in the sky and the purity of the air. She showed me some of her tools, but it was honestly too complicated for me. I saw some drawings in her notes too, she’s really good… Anyways, you guys both love the sun. That’s what I meant.’’

5-8 didn’t really know what to think, he would love to see your notes and the tools you used, but he would never admit it to anyone, especially not to you or that traitor Sawol, who he knew would rat him out.

He was honestly surprised to learn you had such an interest in the evolution of the clarity of the sky as he did. He always thought he was the only one obsessed with seeing how bright the star could be without being filtered by the clouds and the heaviness of the air. He wished he could come to feel the warmth of the sun with you... 5-8 ignored the excitement that took his heart, curious about something else.

‘’How does she manage to make her delivery on time?’’

“Ah..’’ Sawol let out, itching the back of his head from embarrassment. ‘’She doesn’t really take any break.. and often works overtime.’’

5-8 raised an eyebrow at the confession, no breaks meant no lunch, and overtime meant less rest. Both of which meant a dangerous accumulation of fatigue that could prove mortal if she was ever attacked. Hunters were still pretty active in the area, and even though things were getting better, some of them just loved the thrill of the hunt and the killings... If you kept going like this, something bad was bound to happen.

‘’Don’t encourage her.’’ He heard himself say. ‘’Late deliveries give us a bad reputation.’’

That was half true and 5-8 knew it, yes he didn’t approve of late deliveries, but in all honesty, he felt a little worried. He might find you incredibly annoying, but you were still a fellow delivery man, and Sawol truly cared about you. 5-8 did not want anything bad to happen. Sawol snorted at the comment.’’

‘’Pfff, Mr.Perfect. You’re the only one that's never late. ‘’

- - - - -

You let out a grunt, lifting your head slowly. You felt your forehead with the tip of your fingers, feeling the crease the steering wheel had left on your skin. You dozed off again… It wasn’t the first time, and you were quite unhappy with your sleeping self to find the hard steering wheel so comfortable since it left you with a quite visible mark that took hours to disappear completely.

A throbbing headache attacked you as you opened your eyes, the light of the hangar too powerful for your exhausted self. After a tired sigh, you grabbed your cap and pushed it as low as possible. Today had been pretty rushing and you felt on the brink of collapsing. You unlocked your door and kicked it open, grabbing your notes at the same time. You climbed down off your truck carefully, contrary to your usual jumping to the ground. You barely had time to slam the door shut when you heard your name being screamed from behind. You quickly turned, just in time for Sawol to jump in your arms. Thankfully, your truck was there to catch you when you fell backward, having received a running mutant straight to the chest.

A painful complaint escaped your lips, the hard metal hadn’t been gentle with your back. Sawol quickly took a step back, grabbing your shoulders and giving you a worried look.

‘’Are you alright?’’ he asked, his face twisted with guilt. ‘’I’m so sorry I shouldn't have jumped on you like that.

You gave him a comforting smile as you gained back your balance.

‘’Don’t worry about it kid,’’ you said, shuffling his hair to tease him. ‘’You’re just heavier than it looks!’’

Sawol laughed, taking a few steps back to let you breathe a little. You watched him as he tried fixing his hair, he was smiling, but his eyes still seemed worried. You knew it was probably more about how tired you looked than from the hit you took. You felt a tightness in your chest, not liking that look on his face. You took all the energy you had left to jump back on him, locking your arm around his neck and messing his hair even more with your free hand.

‘’Revenge!’’

‘’Yah! Let me go!’’

Sawol fought you back but weakened by your laughter and your exhaustion, it didn’t take him long to free himself. With a fake angry look on his face, Sawol tried fixing his hair once again. You let your arm rest on his shoulder, heavier than you would’ve wanted, but the young man didn’t complain, and gladly let you subtly use him as support without having to ask. When he gave up on his messy hair, he smiled at you fondly.

‘’Don’t work tomorrow.’’ he whispered to you.

You hummed, not sure if you agreed or not.

‘’I’ll be fine.’’

Sawol let out an exasperated sigh, it made you feel more guilty than you thought.

‘’If you come with me..’’ you quickly added.

Sawol’s eye widened and he gave you the brightest of smiles.

‘’Of course!’’ he shouted happily.

A soft chuckle escaped your lips as you looked at the young man. You tried your best to observe his beautiful features glowing with happiness, it would make a nice drawing for later.

At the thought of it, your smile dropped. Anxious, you patted your pockets and looked around on the grounds, searching for your notes. When you finally spotted them a few feet away, you felt your heart stop as a hand was already reaching for them. you took a step in their direction but quickly stopped when you lifted your eyes only to be met by the dead look on 5-8’s face.

‘’You dropped this.’’ he simply said, handing you back your notes.

Your hand reached out to it, and you took hold of your notes, brushing your fingers with his by accident. You quickly retracted your hand, pressing the notes against your racing heart. You never liked it when someone touched your notes, except for Sawol which you cared for like a little brother. But the discovery of the notes and research you were doing would’ve been enough of a reason to get you killed when Cheonmyeong was still in power, making you used to keep them hidden. The bastards might not be in power anymore but you had kept the habit of keeping your research to yourself. The fact that you had some random sketches mixed with them also played into this, some of them private enough that you tried to keep them hidden even from Sawol… And even more to one of the most annoying men on earth, you wanted to keep them away, especially from him.

Still feeling the warmth of his skin on the tip of your fingers, you quietly thanked him. you tried not to think of the abnormal beating of your heart, concentrating on the fact that you now needed to wash your hands from having touched his annoying self.

5-8 eyes lingered on your small figure, his face void of expression. You suddenly felt quite self-conscious, you cared more than you’d like to admit what the man might think of you, and you knew right now you were barely holding it together.

‘’You look like shit.’’

His deep voice surprised you, and your eyes widened feeling pretty hurt by his comment. You wish you had something clever to bask at him in return, but your usual witty self seemed absent, asleep deeply inside out. Thankfully, Sawol ran to your rescue.

‘’Even on her worst day Y/N will always look better than you!’’

5-8 snorted at his comment, an amused look in his eyes as they never left your sight. You couldn't help but blush under his intense look. You were happy your cap was helping you hide a little bit of your flustered face. ‘’No one as handsome as you though,’’ you said breaking the awkward moment you felt stuck in. You pinched Sawol’s cheek, the smile you made appear on his face quickly leaving replaced by annoying and pain.

‘’Yah! I’m not a kid!’’ he screamed, hitting your hand so you let him be.

You let out a laugh and tapped his cheek playfully. Sawol pouted and caressed his reddened cheek with his hands.

‘’I’ll see you tomorrow, handsome,’’ you said before starting to leave, making sure to ignore 5-8 still standing close by.

- - - - -

The warmth of the sun on his face felt amazing, he had taken off his mask to appreciate it to the fullest. He felt at ease, thinking that this must be what paradise feels like. Sawol took in a deep breath, but before he had the chance to exhale naturally, he received a strong punch in the stomach, making him lose all his oxygen. He sat up in a jolt, caught by an uncontrollable coughing fit.

‘’Yah!’’ he spat between two cough.’’You wanna kill me or what?’’

Sawol barely had time to catch the mask you threw him before it would hit him in the face.

‘’Come on,’’ you laughed. ‘’Time’s up.’’

The two of you slowly packed your things back in the backpack you used to carry your tools and made your way back to the ground level, 30 flights of stairs below. No wonder you were so in shape, Sawol thought.

Reaching the floor level, Sawol took care of moving the big wooden wall you always put up to hide the entrance of the building you used to hide your truck. It was mostly a bunch of tall broken windows, but they were fortunately big enough for the delivery truck to enter the building's lobby so it wouldn’t stay outside, exposed, and left alone for hunters to take advantage of.

After finishing to slide the barricade away from the door, Sawol was surprised to find you sitting on the passenger side of the truck. He quickly jogged up to your window, his heart racing with anticipation.

‘’Is this what I think it is?’’

You watched him jumping from one foot to the other, not being able to contain his excitement. ‘’Mm,’’ you hummed positively. ‘’Hop in Mr. Delivery Man.’’

A small joyful squeak escaped his lips before he ran up to the driver’s side and took his seat. Sawol felt his breath being taken away as he caressed the steering wheel with profound admiration. He couldn’t believe he was actually sitting on this side of the truck for the first time. He let his eyes wander, taking in as much as he could, but the multitude of buttons and switches changed his dreaming expression into a frown. He had no idea how to use any of these. Your laugh took him back to reality, and he sent you a sheepish look.

‘’Help…’’ he whispered shamefully.

You burst out laughing even harder at the pitiful sight he offered you, looking like a child in front of a new toy that he didn’t know how to use. When your laugh came close to an end, you pointed at a few of the commands. Sawol followed your finger, looking closely and listening to everything you said with more attention than he had ever given to anything before.

‘’That’s the radio to contact other delivery man, we have a common channel, but if you want to call someone privately, you have to enter their number here,’’ you explained, pointing at a num pad before turning to something else. ‘’Here’s the lights control, there’s the camera around the truck, and here’s the defense settings you can use.’’

Sawol kept listening intently until she was done showing him everything, he exhaled deeply, impressed.

‘’I would’ve never known any of this on my own! Thank you.’’ he smiled at her, eyes sparkling with joy.

‘’I remembered when you told me you didn’t feel ready to be left alone,’’ you said softly. ‘’Well you’re not alone, I’ll show you everything so you’re ready when the time comes.’’

Sawol felt his heart melt. He couldn’t help but wonder why 5-8 hated you so much when you were probably the most caring and gentle person he knew.

The day was still young and you had quite a few deliveries left to do. Sawol let you show him the rope for the first few, but he then forced you to wait in the truck so you could rest. It was clear to him that you were exhausted and you needed the rest. He couldn’t help but smile when he came back from a home delivery just to find you in a profound sleep, head resting against the window. Sawol took on him to continue the rest of your deliveries as quietly as possible so you could sleep as much as you needed. A few hours later, Sawol had just made the last delivery and he was driving back towards the hangar, feeling quite proud of himself for the successful day that had gone by. He felt immensely grateful that you had taken time to show him the ropes, and after today, he felt confident that he would be fine on his own, that he shouldn't have to be scared to disappoint 5-8 when he’d be given his own truck. Plus, he couldn’t help but feel reassured that you had slept for a few hours, you deeply needed the rest and he was sure today had been quite helpful in putting you back on your feet.

Sawol's glance wandered from the road to its surroundings, he was surprised when he spotted a sand storm racing straight towards them. It hit them a few seconds after he had seen it, making the visibility outside incredibly poor. Sawol couldn’t help a rush or anxiety take over him, but he didn’t panic, he knew the way to the hangar by heart, he didn’t need to see far in front or the GPS. They were gonna be fine, he thought, no need to wake you over this.

Sawol took his foot slightly off the gas pedal and opened his lower beam. He continued driving carefully, not wanting to hit anything. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until he saw a dark figure lying in the middle of the road. Sawol rapidly hit the brakes, waking you up from the sudden stop. He gave you a quick reassuring glance before putting his mask on.

‘’Stay inside,’’ he commanded. ‘’It’s probably nothing.’’

- - - -

A/N: I don't know when the next chapter is gonna be posted, hopefully soon enough, but I might take a while with the Christmas vacation coming up, I hope you understand! Be sure to leave a comment to let me know what you thought! Much love!!

[xothemedia]

Rap Sh!t 1x7 | “Something For The DJ”

[sinvulkt]

List of some of webtoon and manhwa recs.

First of all I should probably say that my favorite type of stories (so the type you might find in the list bellow) is ’tragedy comedy adventure’ without any romance, but possibly a lot of bromance | tension (ok some BL slipped by me into this list). And rather self destructive mc for the sake of their goal (often to the utter despair of the people who care about them xd). Bring forth conflicts and battles of will and rising against destiny !

@blackhazefanblog I did this for you! It took a while. Even if I think you’ll find the ones in [The Fantasy Kind] are the most likely to have similar vibes to black haze. : D

All summaries are from Baka-Updates or WebtoonLine. The links are either towards WebtoonLine, or towards the original official site (or official english translation if i found it).

The Fantasy Kind

Black Haze (Ongoing)

A long time ago, a portal to another world was opened, and those who acquired special abilities along with marks began to be called mages. After the incident known as "that day", the first-class mage from Ophion, known as "Blow", has become very famous. One day, he receives a very special mission: to protect the second son of the Artian family, who suffers from being called a "monster" at the magic school "Helios"! Thus, Blow enrolls in Helios under the name "Rood Krisch" to hide his true identity...

My all time favorite. I learned english thanks to it < 3. And it just group so many of my favorite tropes in one story ☆.☆

I’m not that kind of talent (Ongoing)

A talented individual who is respected by many and welcomed anywhere? Not at all! A bloodthirsty battle fanatic who knows no defeat? Couldn’t be further from the truth! In reality, Deon Hardt is a sickly human who coughs up blood from receiving the tiniest bit of stress and gets sunburns from standing in the sun for ten minutes. But due to an unfortunate misunderstanding, he becomes “Demon Arut,” the notorious 0th corps commander of the demon army and the demon king’s joker. Caught in a war between humans and demonkind, Deon must find a way to survive!

I discovered that one this year! I love comediy and tragedy mixed together, and that one fully achieved that, from making me laugh to absolutely destroying my heart seriously i am still hurting. Well this is a tragedy. Be warned. But a delicious one. (My heart TT.TT).

The Ember Knight (Ongoing)

When Nagyunn’s twin brother, Najin, is murdered before his very eyes, he vows to avenge his brother’s death by assuming Najin’s identity. But although the two may look alike, when it comes to fighting, Nagyunn lacks the talent and skill his brother possessed. In order to successfully execute his plot for revenge, Nagyunn resolves to train himself to become the prodigious knight-in-training his brother once was. Will Nagyunn be able to keep his identity a secret before others begin to catch on to his act?

Another one I discovered ’recently’ = last year. I absolutely adore the fact that the mc rely fully on wits and bluff. He will never get a cheat skill to get as strong as others- he just has to play his card rights (which happen to be a bunch of overprotective knights wishing he stopped going in front of the blade path). So he gotta bluff. A lot. Including playing betrayal at every corner, and i sure love betrayal :3. That and it’s a revenge story ~

TAL (Complete)

They walk like ordinary people, they talk like ordinary people but in fact there is nothing ordinary about them since they can materialize an image they have on their mind... They call themselves Chachaoong which also means Shaman and they do not know how or when they came to this world. It is now a time for their current king to choose the future one and so he did by choosing Yu Jin an ordinary human...? Many of the Chachaoong can not tolerate a human ruling them and now the poor Yu Jin not knowing what suddenly hit him, is trying to avoid the Chachaoongs who are trying to kill him!

This has been my second favorite after Black Haze for a long time, because I got a soft spot for escapists xd. All the more escapists with consequences catching them back faster than they can run until they’re cornered ☆.☆ Fight until the end against a fate you are doom to surrender to ~ I love it.

Catharsis (Complete)

Fear is a powerful emotion that can end up overtaking one's life. Leon thought he knew that. But when he's thrown into the demonic realm that Catharsis governs over, he'll learn that there is more to “true” fear than he could ever have imagined... But will he learn how to face it?

That one also stayed in my mind for a long time. The ending is more ’open’ than I would have wished, but well, there is no sequel yet so let’s call that an ending. Appart from that i loved the mc, and he has synesthesis which give really cool result in webtoon format (yay colors). In a world where nightmares take physical shape, the mc get attacked by nightmares and end up being recruited by the agency fighting nightmares bcs they feel smthg off about him.

Crepuscule (Complete)

Lark is different from the rest of the kids. He has red eyes, just like Vampires do, and he is bullied by the other kids for it. One day he meets Setz, a genuine Vampire of a Noble clan who is the only one that doesn't call him a monster or bully him. Eventually they become friends, but when Lark finds out he may have to return to the orphanage, Setz decides he does not want to lose his friend, so he invites him to his home... The world of the Vampires.

Another webtoon i grew up with as a teen. It isn’t my all time fav, but i still quite enjoyed it enough to reread it a few times. Must be the blond mc that reminded me of Rood xd. Or the fact that he is super weak in a world of monsters. Or the reason he has those red eyes. (Such delicious angst amidst the comedy). Are those just a trope I enjoy? XD

Godly Bells (Complete)

Divine Bells - they choose their own masters and they determine the status, prestige, and influence of the countries their masters rule. The presence or lack of these Bells also has great consequence in the lives of each country's royalty. In particular, the personal and political futures of King Hong-Ryeong seem doomed without a Bell, but at equally great peril if he obtains one. But are the Divine Bells simple magical charms, deities of great powers, or something else altogether? And when the owner of three of the eight existing Divine Bells dies, leaving them to choose new owners, where will the resulting turmoil lead?

Another blond mc i grew up with as a teen and reread a few time. And another ’king’ who is ’weak’. It’s in a fantasy world, where divine ’bells’ give each king (and thus each country) power. The mc country hasn’t been chosen by any bells for years, so quite look down upon. Until three bells at least or smthg choose the mc. And then they become people, with their own agenda. The mc didn’t want the attention but well can’t convince the bells to drop him xd. Which is why i loved this story. Once again, can’t escape fate even when you didn’t want it ~

Aegis Orta (Complete)

Val is an ordinary high school student who dedicates his life to God. His peaceful days however have to end when he learns about who he really is..

Very much in the same vibe of Godly Bells and Crepuscule, only I discovered it later and thus have less memories of it (bcs reread it less). It’s another blond character with red eyes that get ’fate’ thrown at its face ~ well. Demon powers. Same.

---

I’m not gonna put Mxtx’s works here (Heaven Official Blessing, Mo Dao Zu Shi, Scum Villain Self Saving System), but they’re great too. If you love comedy and tragedy and don’t mind BL too much. Go for it. I usually don’t enjoy romance that much but it didn’t bother me with those works, bcs it’s presented so naturally into the story rather than harassing us every second. Phantom Paradise is also a BL, although entirely different vibe. It’s what would happen with matriarchat instead of patriarchat but all the toxicity remain - only gender roles are reversed. As for why I enjoyed it so much... I guess I am still somewhat sensitive to fan service ? XD

I also feel like I should mention UnderPrin, even if it didn’t make it all the way to my favs, kind of similar vibe to Catharsis and Aegis Orta. I’ll also mention Makai Ouji: Devils and Realist which is a manga but another blond character in the same vibe of the earlier ones, who refuse his own power XD. And Pandora Hearts because its my favorite manga ever. I even prefer it to Black Haze (but I think someone who liked one would also like the other?).

[soft-persephone]

The Distance Between Our Galaxies

Jake Lockley (Moon Knight system) x Ballerina!Fem!Reader x Luke (Jake Johnson)

T // WC: 1.45k // warnings: descriptions of flesh being ripped // series masterlist //main masterlist

Jake woke up and immediately stilled his body.

A woman, soft and sweet was pressed up against him.

Fuck, Marc.

Jake woke up to the smell of your hair. It washed over his senses, filling him with a distant memory, transporting him to a hazy dream when he was younger. A boy, barely a teenager in the back of Marc’s mind.

You reminded him of that girl he fell in love with when he was younger, much younger.. He never got the chance to touch her. To talk to her or be with her in any capacity, not sure how to reach out and make his presence known.

Taking his chance, he indulged in a deep sniff. Letting his head rest on yours. For just a moment, lingering.

Your hand was strewn across his waist. Your legs were tangled in his. A distinct taste lingered on his tongue.

You.

He was a kid again. He couldn't quite remember what age, but it was young. However, old enough for his first kiss. Their first kiss.

Marc always seems to get them first.

Mirabel’s rich skin, the specific hues of her undertone was something magical, her full lips, and pretty white smile. Jake remembered the hazy moments he was present in the body, quiet as whispers.

Little Bel was a ray of sunshine in their youth. A getaway from the wretched plight that was home, but when they– mainly Marc was with her. It was the first time he didn't have to worry.

He didn't have to take over.

It was a blessing, but also his curse.

The entire experience reminded him of his own personal mortality. His living purgatory of being alive, but being unknown. A deep aching curse to want the things he could never have. He was a fleeting memory in the lives of a few, real for only one moment in time.

He was real once. Scattered in accros time in a world he used to know, but he’s been away so long. His friends might not even remember him. He had no one in London. He didn’t know anything or give a fuck about Europe.

There was no one to recognize him or remember he was ever there.

So all he had were the memories.

In his own universal plane of existence. A fleeting whisper in the wind. He knew he was real, but it would be nice to have his own life back. To make his own world known.

Every moment he was present in the body was a tribute to his own existence, his mustache, his own personal style, his walk, the way he talked. It was the time when body was his and only his. So he interacted with the world around him, outside of Marc’s reserved abrasiveness, and despite Steven’s best efforts to be sociable, it rubbed people the wrong way. He was nice, but they had a habit of not sticking around.

Most likely Marc’s fault.

So he had to hold on and cherish every moment. Every experience, thought, word, touch, feeling, every-everything. Because they were his.

So he cherished his time with you because when else was he going to get another chance.

He gingerly placed a finger on your full lips, slowly tracing them, relishing in the warmth of your breath, tickling the pad of his fingertips.

They were so soft.

His chest ached. His palms suddenly felt sweaty.

He suddenly rmemebrs how Mirabel’s eager plush lips and equally as eager tongue, swiped over theirs with a heated fervor they didn’t quite know was possible. Neither of them good at it, but it was one of Jake’s most precious memories. Her lips crashing awkwardly but passionately along Marc’s, unaware that you were kissing him too.Marc unaware of the boy inside that took his most brutal beatings.

There was no explanation for how Marc’s hand tightened on her side. There was no explanation for how he desperately needed to touch her hair. How he had to kiss her more firmly. How his tongue becomes less aggressive, just cherishing the moment. It must just be how much he liked her was all he thought. The conclusion he came to.

But no, it was him, Jake.

He somehow got control, for just a brief moment, to make his first kiss his, just as much as it was Marc’s.

Marc didn’t deserve most of the women that came into their lives.

He always managed to push them away, but the good one’s stuck around.

As much as Jake wanted to take over and show you a true man. A gentleman even, he couldn’t intervene.

Not like this.

You needed someone to meet you where you were at. To help you process your grief healthily.

The memory rushed over him. Blending with the present.

With one final brush of his thumb on your cheek. He sighed before returning to the unknown.

He didn’t have to think.

He was out of your bed without waking you up. He whisked the battered bloody clothes out of your hamper into a trash bag that took him more than a long time to find.

Jake hated large houses that needed maids. Everything was too far and hard to find.

Any evidence of Marc’s presence he scrubbed away.

“Spector had the body too long. There is buis—“

Yeah yeah, Jake replied back in his mind, shoving Khonshu away. You don’t have to tell me twice.

And he didn’t.

Khonshu was annoying.

Being Moon Knight just passed the time. When it was worth it and the work was honest, it could be a purpose.

He missed New York. He missed his cab, Crawley and Gina, her boys. God, those two knuckleheads.

It didn’t take long until he was out the front door of the house

Depsite his best efforts, he couldn’t shake it.

He couldn’t shake you.

But the thoughts started flowing, his mind racing, landing back onto you.

He was thinking about what your life might have been before you met your husband, who you were when he was alive and you both were happy. Leading him to think about his own life, the massive overbearing weight of his own life.

Hard, dark, and heavy, but it was carryable.

A little hard to carry, but he could carry it.

He made a call to steven’s job, doing his best british accent. He updated them on the phony family emergency, so he wouldn’t get fired, but they were running out of time. There was only so much FMLA Steven had left.

You were on his mind. Despite his best efforts to focus on the task at hand.

You felt far away.

The pain was heavy inside his chest, making his heart beat feel wrong. It gnawed at him like a wild dog. A ferocious desire eating him from the inside. The fear of not being fed makes it fight harder and harder. It’s teeth gnashed and bit down on his soul. Ripping him apart and leaving his strown flesh and guts in the cold, what’s left of his heart beating out of his chest.

Jake ignored it, donning the mask and suit of threads. Perhaps the suit's healing factor could stave away at the wild untamed longing.

It must be from Marc’s.

The foreign wild emotion was unlike anything he’d ever felt. He ignored it as he jumped in the air, running across rooftops. He ignored it as he glided through the air. He ignored it as he landed on the fire escape of the little run down hotel room he’d got temporarily for them as Marc did fuck all with the body.

Opening the closet door he looked at the little evidence board he’d been making.

“If you had listened to me, you’d know by now that you need to go back to the large house. With the. . .girl.”

“She’s a grown woman.” Jake blinked. “Why do I need to go back?”

“The spiritual disturbance is in the house.”

“But that’s just—“

“Not. The husband.” Khonshu bellowed. “It’s following him.”

This wasn’t good. Not one bit.

Whatever magical disturbance Khonshu had Jake chasing the past couple of months was getting worse. The nights spent keeping the magical monsters and powers at be from hurting ordinary people were getting longer and longer.

They were running out of time and Marc hogging the body only made things worse.

You don’t need me to tell you what you must do…” Khonshu started, his looming form’s glow faded into the shadows out of his vision and back into the apparatus of his mind. His voice became the memory of a distant echo in his mind. “The gnawing,” his voice faded even farther away, “is of your own creation.”

[s0fter-sin]

is there any actual catharsis in the boys or is it all just suffering and scrambling for a crumb of relief