#Bitchard speaking

[ultimatebottom69]

I am but a corpse in the infinite River of Styx, one day that corpse will decay and the soul will be free, but why must the body decay for the soul to attain Nirvana ? Why must the soul desire to be free and the corpse condamned to be a rotting prison ? The corpse loves living and the soul loves the corpse enough that even in your final moments the body will by pure reflex try to hold on to it's soul. To it's forever partner. The body without a soul is just a mere flesh structure. Why must the soul desire a freedom, when it itself doesn't know what freedom truly is.

The flesh prison loves the soul and the soul loves the prison. It just wish it would stop being so stuffy sometimes. It just wish it could move however it desires, no longer contrained by the laws be it natural or societal, it doesn't want to hurt, it wants attention and affection in any way.

The soul will never understands it's true depth nor will the body ever adore itself but is alright since they have each other in this hard moments.

One day they will part ways never seeing each others again. The soul will perhaps take another form, maybe it won't but it will never forget , the corpse that oh so graciously gave space for it.

[bats4sophie]

This took me 3 hours...

Kayne, Clive and Elias playing Fortnite, I spent 3 hours of my life on this. I regret nothing.

[themysterioustaria]

Man fuck Elias and Peter

[itchyeye]

You are hands down one of my favorite blogs especially as someone else who REALLY doesn’t like JM and has no one to vent to about it so I hope you don’t mind me venting a bit of like

Why are JM shippers so violent 😭 I haven’t had ANY problems with any JoneElias fans, they’re so chill and stick to their own lane but JM shippers seem to go out of their way to insult JE fans so gruesomely at times even when you stick to your own tag ; (not like the main TMA tag is SWARMED with JM- even Jon’s tag is nothing but JM).

The fandom is so hostile if you’re not on the same page and it’s really hard to make friends if you’re not also a JM fan smh…

(It’s also funny HOW JM fans attack JE fans- like excuse you guys for enjoying… horror and fucked up aspects in a fictional pairing? From the horror and fucked up podcast? Uh…. Huh?)

Sorry if this is annoying feel free to ignore LOL I just have so much to say about this ship that I loathe and you’re so spot on with your posts 👌🏻

pleeeeease do not apologize this is so sweet of you 🥺

and tbh i don't know. i don't understand the vast majority of the fandom that surrounds this horror podcast because they are just very very very clearly people who hate horror and don't want to engage with it and to whom it brings no joy

one thing i will say about my little corner of tumblr at least is that while i very often see this sort of behavior, i have never had someone approach me directly to harass me. that is much more than i can say for the huge number of JE enjoyers/writers/artists who get regularly harassed over playing make believe about two imaginary men kissing. but at least speaking to my own experience, i have never been harassed for hating JM and loving JE. i attribute a lot of this to my ten-mile long blocklist!

but yeah i find basically any tag to do with the podcast completely unusable... even the elias bouchard tag is overrun with children posting about how much they hate "elias BITCHard"

shrug i guess!!! i don't tag any of my perfectly valid anti-JM diatribes i don't see why people feel the need to tag their sentence-fragment text posts about how much they hate elias with #the magnus archives #magpod #tma #tmaelias #elias tma #elias bouchard #elias bitchard #jonah magnus #the magnus institute

anyway if there's one thing i love more than tma, more than jon, more than elias, more than jonelias... IT'S COMPLAINING!!!!!

so if you ever have something to bitch about my ask box is wide open to you and i will be happy to accept your righteous anger at my doorstep xo

[loadsofcats]

I’ve been thinking about Yana and Balor again (<- one of the most common sentences for me starting a post) and there were a few details I found interesting.

This will contain some information about the Dreamcatcher volume, as well as, naturally, Demoslayer.

So, number one!

When Balor first manages to actually see something in Yana’s mind that isn’t molten glass, he comes in a… what would we call it? Room? Maybe space would be more appropriate. Space it is.

So, he sees a lot of dolls which are revealed to be, if I remember correctly, Yana’s complexes and fears. Even with him there for such a short time, the space starts to morph into something more like… him.

We see tentacles and little eyes where he passes, and the space changes to, so to speak, accommodate him.

But, there is one thing that stands out. A small, framed picture of Yana, with her eyes covered in black marker, and Balor-like eyes around her. Seems okay, right? Only a temporary influence of Balor.

Except, with what we see in Dreamcatcher, and later in the last issue of Demonslayer, the two of them were always destined to meet. (And, again if I remember correctly, I think Balor was actually the one who killed Yana’s parents (they were in a cult, spooky stuff; that one guy, I’m guessing, had his fingers in it, but Balor was still there).)

If we take this into consideration, Yana could’ve unconsciously remembered him and it stayed somewhere in her mind.

So, this brings us to the next detail. Take this scene, for instance.

Some of the dolls Yana was, or, even better, that she saw herself as. Among these, there are three that caught my eye.

Firstly, the two cats, one on the floor and the other being held by a standing Yana doll in a blue dress. Both are fairly creepy cats, with turquoise eyes nonetheless.

These cats could represent the cat Balor was possessing just a while ago, but with so many broken dolls, I find it hard to believe all of them, or at least even these three (because I reckon these must’ve lasted for longer; this has been mere days, maybe less, since we’ve first seen Balor) are from so little time ago. Even if only one of these cats is new, one of them must’ve been older. I mean, come on, black cat with turquoise eyes that just so happened to be there? Not to mention that the markings don’t wholly resemble those of the recently possessed cat. Could it have been that the cats were normal cats, but when she came into the possession (pun intended) of cat-Balor, they morphed into these? Possible, but there is one other doll we must take into consideration.

It’s this one.

It is Yana, who else, with her signature cat-eared hoodie, but… the hoodie is black, not white like her usual, or, if you want, real one. And look at the eyes. The eyes on the doll - one is turquoise, almost green, in a colour so reminiscent of Balor, while the other resembles Yana’s eye colour better. A doll of not what has been, but of what they’ll become. And this is, I’d say, a bit too far for Balor’s influence to catch on so quickly.

So, how does Yana know? Does she know at all? I’d say she might not, but some part of her mind does - there is something in her that knows about that fate, and it might be a nod to the fact that later on, there will be countless universes where they will meet in various ways. Maybe some of those universes already existed, they’ve just forgotten about them.

Anyway, certainly a few interesting little details to keep us thinking.

Now, on to

Number two!

Upon meeting, and after seeing Balor’s very sad no good backstory, Yana wants to break him (his face, mask, whatever we decide to call the form he has) while accusing him of stealing that face. Balor then tells her that, without any magic or means to protect herself, she is just a dead weight to Danila and Black Hound.

While we know he shouldn’t necessarily be trusted, because he is a) a sneaky bitchard of a nightmare, and b) unbelievably scared for his own pathetic life which Yana is holding in her hands while being extremely angry at him, I’d say he’s lying.

The reason for him to lie is also probably to, as we know he sometimes does, minimise his fear of Yana, because he knows that if someone else taught her magic or helped her with it, he’d be gone.

But we, as the readers, can catch on to the fact that he is lying by paying attention to some other clues.

When Yana discovers Balor and tells him to get out of her head, her eyes start glowing blue.

Despite here being a part of a face, for which I am not sure is maybe Lugh’s or the Antichrist’s (considering courier lore, that could be Antichrist), it’s not their influence Yana is using either.

Both his magic and eyes are a distinctive yellowish-golden colour, and Yana’s light blue doesn’t quite match Balor’s colour either, as his is a slightly more greenish hue.

This also happens with Yana when Sneak tries “possessing” her at Queen of Rot’s demand, and her eyes get the specific colour again.

Therefore, this leads me to the conclusion that, if only partly, Yana’s magic (or more likely courier magic) not only exists, but often manifests in light blue colour, as does the Antichrist’s.

The reason why she couldn’t use it earlier was either that she: wasn’t aware it existed, managed to utilise it only upon first meeting Balor because he was a creature she could actually fight against, or simply wasn’t strong enough before. I reckon she can use it herself, so despite it being a remnant (or part of) his power, it can still be considered hers. The question of why not use it earlier is for someone else to answer, as I’ve grown tired of typing.

I hope, if you have read this far, that you’ve enjoyed my rambles. See you around, I guess!

[autistic-fandom-trash]

ELIASS BITCHARD????

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING ELIASS BITCHARD GODDAMN FOOL EMPLOYEE TRAPPING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING ELIAS BITCHARD

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT ELIASS BITCHARD I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MUCH FUCKED UP KNOWLEDGE WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST END THE WORLD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME

IF I WANTED TO GET INTO HEAVEN AND GOD SAID ELIASS BITCHARDS WAITING INSIDE I WOULD PISS ON GODS FEET FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF GETTING SENT BACK DOWN

IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ELIASS BITCHARD SPEAKING ONE MORE WORD IN PERSON ON VOICE IN PODCAST NOT ONLY WILL I CLOSE THE TAB I WILL DELETE MY BOOKMARK OUT OF SPITE AND HAVE TO REWATCH THE ENTIRE SERIES AGAIN FOR THE EXPIERANCE OF BEING ABLE TO SKIP ALL THE TIMES WHEN HE IS MENTIONED OR ALIVE

I KNOW EXACTLY WHY I HATE HIM SO MUCH HE TRAPS PEOPLE IN MAGIC CONTRACTS BUT I AM ALSO JUST MAD BECAUSE I AM ANGY

HE BETTER HAVE SOME FUCKED UP BACKSTORY TO EXPLAIN THIS IF HES JUST SOME RICH SHITHEAD WHOS A FAN OF CREEPYPASTA AND WANTED THE IRL VERSION ILL GO HAM BETTER HAVE HAD THE EYE MAKE HIM KILL A CUZ IF HE DIDNT IM GONNA MAKE HIM

paypal.com/IFuckingHateEliassBitchard

EPISODES NOT EVEN ABOUT HIM VAGUELY MENTIONED WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO MAYBE BE HIM AND I LOST IT

WHERE THE FUCK IS ELIASS BITCHARD I SO DEEPLY WISH HE WASNT ALIVE CRUSTY OLD MAN

ILL PUNCH BITCHARD AND HIS SAD FRAIL OLD MAN TWIG BONES WILL SIMPLY FLAKE APART UNDER MY EPIC HUGE MEAT FIST AND HE WILL DISINTEGRATE UNTIL ALL THATS LEFT IS ONE FINAL BOOK HE KEPT ON HIM AT ALL TIMES TITLED NOW YOU FUCKED UP IN ANCIENT YIDDISH

IM NOT BREATHING IM HYPERVENTILATING AT THIS POINT I HOPE THERES A DATE GIVEN FOR WHEN ELIASS DIES SO I CAN MAKE IT A REMINDER ON MY PHONE EVERYDAY ONCE A YEAR I WILL SEE IT AND DO ANYTHING BUT PAY RESPECTS TO THE MAN WHO HAS SO MUCH FUCKED UP IF TRUE KNOWLEDGE

[katlife617]

For me personally, Season 3. I could have handled the weird statements and follow-ups, snippy boss, weird and creepy double boss, and maybe even the worms and living freaky mannequins. The weirdness wouldn’t be my deterrent though.

It would be the NotSasha situation that would cause me to crack, the loss of a friend and coworker. The Unknowing would be where I break. The loss of Jon ( even though he was very hard to deal with, even through the headphones) and Tim (i miss our bi king ;-;) would be too much for my tiny little emotional capacity.

I’d storm up to Elias Bitchard’s office and put my resignation paperwork on the desk all to find out: I CANT LEAVE. I’d try to confide in my only surviving person (Martin Kartin Blackwood lives in my mindscape he just running around up there-). Eventually the Lonely shit happens. Flesh tries to om nom nom the Institute. Y’all know the rest.

Sorry bout the ramble, just making my statement. Have a nice timezone!

[mallowbees]

OH FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU ELIAS!! YOU PRICK!! EYE OF BEHOLDING MOTHER FUCKER!! THATS SO MUCH WORSE THAN WHAT YOU PULLED OUT TO USE AGAINST DAISY YOU BITCH!! D U D E WHAT THE FUCK!! YOU MADE MARTIN CRY!! IM ON EP 118 MASCARADE AND IM AWARE THAT THERES MORE PRESSING MATTERS GOING ON BUT WHAT THE FUCK E L I A S!! YOU!! FUCK

[universal-kitty]

   Actually, y’know what. Small vent about feelings cause my F/O experiences behind the scenes lately have been so taxing...and I wanna talk about it. Cause maybe someone could give me advice on this stuff?

   Okay, so... I’ve been having mixed feelings towards Dante for...awhile. My affection for him started fading at one point, and... Y’know! That scares me! I wanted to “fix it” a little by indulging in the official perfume Capcom launched. (Two Vergils for Val and Cam- the big Vergil fans in my life- and a Dante perfume for me.)

   ...None arrived. Lost in transit. A blow.

   Then, just... Some personal shit. And I took it harder than even I’d want to. And I’m not entirely...happy with my emotions, y’know? When a joke is made and you know it’s not that serious...but your brain takes it like a poisoned bullet. And I don’t like how I let that further effect my relationship with him.

   I’m still at the point where... I feel like he’s too far away from me. And considering I project my insecurities of abandonment on my F/Os (where I’m safe to work this stuff out)... It’s been hard. It’s been so goddamn hard.

   .....And then a month back or so... Well, Mollymauk. For those who don’t know Critical Role: he died. And then came back as his previous incarnation, Lucien. (Little to no memories of what Mollymauk had. A fragment of his soul that grew bigger and with a new personality.)

   Well, Lucien died. Mollymauk...might’ve returned? But now he’s technically someone else. His name is Kingsly now, and he’s that middle ground between the two. Remembering scraps of both sides...

   And I don’t know what to make of all of it. Because I recognize that he’s not quite Molly...and maybe it’s weird to take fictional stuff so seriously, but... I don’t know. I like fucking with canon. I like making canon my own...

   But I don’t know what to do with this? Because I want to recognize Kingsly! I just...don’t know if it’s “right” to still...keep loving this side of the same tiefling...?

   Fuck, and then the Loki series happened... (I adore Sylvie, she’s fine, but I’m once again pulled into the conundrum of “I want to love you, too, but I don’t know if it’s “okay” to do so... Is it okay to love you again? Do you want me again...?”)

   I’m just. So sad over this nonsense. And it sucks!!! I’m overthinking it! But I don’t know how to stop doing it, either! ✌ (haha, peace sign the negative emotions away...haha........)

[transarchivist]

unfortunately, jonah is a good name. jonalias bitchard doesn't deserve it

[mttgwen]

Damn my internal need for a career in music.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Consider: a Martin who is Large and Soft and Round and everyone assumes that his huggable girth is all blubber but it’s actually a whole lotta muscle hiding under a layer of plump and when he suddenly picks Elias up and effortlessly chucks him out a window everyone is Shooketh(TM) 

listen. every Martin is a good Martin but I'm stupidly obsessed with the idea that Martin is like. a twunk. an absolute hunk of a man. he works out when he's nervous and he's always nervous so he's freaking jacked. people don't really notice because he hides in baggy jumpers and is always slightly curled in on himself to mask his height but he could literally throw someone across a room. S5 Martin finally loses his patience and just bitch slaps Elias out of existence

[eyndr-stories]

The Stranger The Better (FNAF SB fanfic) C3 - Lights OFF

Read the intro to Chapter 1 (Enter A Sleepy Bitchard) for more details! I'd start reading there anyways else things won't make a whole lot of sense lol

In Summary: Reader is a forever exhausted young adult who has social difficulties doing their best to pay the bills, so when they get hired at the well-paying, almost entirely automated Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizza-Plex, they don't really hesitate to think things through before stumbling headfirst into a horror mystery surrounding this company and its crew of quirky (and surprisingly kind) animatronics.

Things To Know (lmk if I should add anything, also check the tags for more stuff):

This chapter, as well as some later chapter, has some horror elements! Feelings of fear, being chased and grabbed and such.

Eventual romance, minorly important to the plot.

Reader has paranoia.

There is much swearing.

Reader is also addicted to energy drinks, and not fantastic at self care.

Reader is nonbinary (and also trans masc) though it's not vital to the plot and only comes up once or twice.

Reader is from the south, is protective of their friends, and if you threaten their friends then I'm afraid you've yee'd your last haw and yes that is important to the plot

Previous Chapter | Chapter 3 | Next Chapter

C3 - Lights OFF

     Dare you say, you were starting to get the hang of this. Just walk around, check the cameras, stick any stray items you found in lost and found, don’t fall asleep in the middle of the shift. But that’s what energy drinks were for. You were not addicted. You simply needed the boost in order to get through two jobs.

     “Definitely not addicted. I drink a normal amount of these,” You mumbled to yourself as you finished your can. You located the nearest trash can (which had been painted to look like that chicken bot… ironically enough) and tossed the empty can inside.

     You stretched and took a moment to check the cameras. You were beyond grateful Sun had gotten the watch to work for you.

     Speaking of… you were only a minute away from the daycare. You knew Sun had told you to come back the day after tomorrow, but you wanted to check in anyways and be sure Sun was doing okay with the lights off.

     You wondered why the daycare’s lights would need to alternate between on and off each night. Maybe they were usually always on but they were recently trying to save on electricity? You wondered how much the electric bill for this place was. There sure were a lot of neon signs.

     Once you reached the daycare, you didn’t hesitate to stroll right up to the window and peer inside. The lights were off, and it was too dark to see too far into the massive room. You noted the ceiling was covered in hundreds of tiny purple lights, reminiscent of stars.

     The next thing you noted was that the doors were open.

     You stepped into the doorway and looked into the shadows. “Hey, Sun? It’s me, Y/N! The new night guard. Just came by to see how you were doing,” you called.

     There was no answer.

     “Sun?” You knocked thrice on the door. Maybe Sun was resting or something?

     You were about to turn back and just return tomorrow, but you paused when you heard knocking from deep in the darkness. Three knocks, in answer to yours.

     “…Sunny? Hello?” You lifted your flashlight and peered around. You had a feeling you weren’t alone here. Was that your normal paranoia or something else? Was Sun in there after all? What if Sun was stuck somewhere or damaged and couldn’t respond?? “Hey, you good??” you asked nervously, trying and failing to not let your paranoia get to you.

     There was no response. You bit your lip and deliberated for just a moment before deciding you’d rather not risk it. You quickly stepped into the daycare and started looking around, sweeping your light back and forth.

     “Uh, so I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay. If you could knock again and help me find you, that’d be great,” you said, trying your best to project.

     There was a moment of silence. Then, you clumsily bumped into a stack of big foam blocks, knocking several over and nearly falling yourself.

     “Aw, fuck, dangit,” you mumbled, immediately going to grab the toppled blocks and stack them back up.

     “Rule-breaker.”

     You froze, dropping the block. That almost sounded like Sun. Almost. You swiveled your light around, feeling uneasy.

     “Uh… Sun?” you asked nervously.

     “You were warned not to break the rules again. Naughty children must be punished,” the voice said harshly.

     You frowned. “Hey, I’m not a child-“ your words caught in your throat when you spotted two red pinprick lights in the darkness. You shone your flashlight towards the lights.

     The animatronic was still for just a moment, allowing you a brief look at him. They bore a striking resemblance to Sun, but this was not Sun. In place of sun rays was a night cap, and the cheery yellow panels and clothes had been swapped for dark blue versions. Instead of stripe patterns along the pants there were little star shapes. Half of his faceplate was darkened, the remaining crescent not unlike a partially shadowed moon. A moon with two creepy red eyes boring into you.

     The bot rushed forward towards you, arms outstretched.

     “Oh shIT-“ You reacted without thinking and threw your flashlight, the only thing in your hands, as hard as you could at the bot. You were rewarded by the sound of a solid ‘bang’, metal hitting metal.

     Then came the regret as you spotted the beam of you flashlight move, being lifted by someone else. The moon themed animatronic came into view for a moment, illuminated by the beam.

     Then the light clicked off.

     The darkness pressed in all around you. Your skin felt electrified and you could feel adrenaline rushing through you, fueled as well by that energy drink.

     You dove, trusting your instincts, which were currently screaming at you to flee. You felt the metal bars of one of the several play structures, and didn’t hesitate to start climbing. You tore up the side of the structure and nearly fell as you suddenly reached the top and ran out of handholds. You pulled yourself up onto the top of the structure, feeling along the grid-like bars to know where to set your shoes.

     “Naughty little twerp. No climbing on top of the play place, its against the rules,” the animatronic said, from somewhere above you.

     You fearfully jerked your head up and around, quickly spotting those red eyes zeroed in on you and approaching at a smooth and rapid rate. You could just make out the shape of the animatronics' body in the darkness.

     The fucker was flying towards you-

     Without hesitation or thought, you dove backwards back off the edge of the structure you’d just climbed. It wasn’t until you were falling and unable to see the ground approaching that you realized how fucking stupid a decision that was.

     “OOF-“ Something latched around your middle and yanked you upwards before you hit the ground, and all the air immediately vacated your lungs. A moment later, you registered that the animatronic had caught you and was hoisting you off somewhere, your stomach dropping violently as if you were on the world's worst rollercoaster. “LET GO OF ME,” you demanded, squirming and thrashing.

     The animatronic was freakishly strong and didn’t budge at all, until they reached wherever it was they were taking you. He dropped you in an unceremonious heap on the ground.

     You rubbed your middle and took a moment to breathe and get your bearings. Your back was to a corner, and the animatronic was looming menacingly over you.

     “Alright alright alright listen,” you said quickly, holding your hands up. “If you’re gonna kill me, at least let me call my boss and tell her I can’t make it in for my shift tomorrow.”

     The bot tilted their faceplate curiously at you.

     “Uh, are you… hey, where’s Sun?!” you demanded. “Did you do something to them??” You got to your feet, catching a second wind. “Spill the beans, fucker. What the hell is going on here? What have you done with Sun?!” You tensed and balled your hands into fists, ready to fight.

     “Disgusting language. No swearing in the daycare,” the bot scolded. “Another ten minutes in time out.”

     “Time-“ You stopped. You realized you had been put in the corner of the room and were not currently being murdered. You’d been put in time out. “Wh-! Hey!! I am not a child, you can’t put me in time out!”

     “You broke the rules.”

     “Fuck your rules, pal.” You scowled and attempted to march out of the corner past the bot.

     The animatronic grabbed you easily, lifting you under the arms like an unruly cat and setting you back down in the corner.

     “Your time out is not over yet,” the bot scolded, as if he was speaking to a toddler throwing a tantrum.

     Your cheeks felt hot. “You can’t just-! God dammit, let me-“ You tried again to get past, only to be forcefully placed back in the corner. You finally tried punching, nailing the bot in the center of their faceplate. The force of the blow made the bot recoil and take a small step back, but that was it. Besides that, your knuckles hurt a lot now.

     “Ahhh shit.” You shook your hand out. “Fuck it, fine, I guess i’ll just fucking check the cameras if you’re not gonna let me go do my job.” You angrily sat down and started clicking through your watch.

     You paused when the bot sat down as well, leaving you with very little wiggle room. You were about to say something, but the words died when the bot carefully took your hand.

     “You are injured. One moment.” The bot reached into a pocket with a free hand.

     You squinted, just able to make out a tiny first aid kit in the bot’s other hand. In the dim light of your watch, you watched the animatronic pull out a little cleaning swab and a band-aid. The bot used the swab to dab at your knuckles. The skin had split when you'd wisely punched a metal faceplate full force.

     You hissed at the sudden stinging sensation. The bot just gave you a look like ‘this is what you get’.

     After placing a blue band-aid over the split skin, the bot finally released your hand. He packed up his first aid kit and stored it away in his pocket once more.

     “Do you want a lollipop?” the bot asked.

     You huffed and folded your arms. “…What flavor?”

     The bot chuckled. “Any flavor you like.”

     “Orange?” you asked.

     The bot produced a lollipop from out of nowhere and handed it to you. You eyed it suspiciously for a moment before popping it in your mouth. It was orange flavored.

     A quiet moment passed where you scrutinized the bot, and the bot watched you silently.

     “…Moon,” you realized. “Sun and Moon.”

     The bot looked surprised. They stared at you curiously.

     “What happens to Sun when you’re out? Is he off sleeping somewhere? Er, recharging? Letting their systems cool off?” you questioned.

     “Why are you so worried about Sun?” Moon asked.

     “Cause it’s my job. Also Sun is nice to me,” you said.

     Moon was silent for a long moment. “Sun and I are two separate AI’s who share the same body,” they explained.

     “I see.” You thought for a moment. “The lights… the lights are what turns one of you into the other, right?”

     Moon looked startled again. The expression quickly faded back to neutrality. “Yes.”

     “Hmm.” You took a deep breath and let it out. You did your best to calm down. You weren’t in danger, everything was cool. You’d been more or less kidnapped, but it was fine. “How much longer are you gonna make me sit here, Moon?”

     “Forty three minutes.”

     “What?! Why??”

     “Five minutes for every swear word. We have been here for two minutes,” Moon said.

     “You gotta be shitting me,” you groaned.

     “Forty eight minutes,” Moon said.

     “What-!!” You quickly shut your mouth before you said any more swear words. “Listen pal. I’m an adult. I’m allowed to swear.”

     “No one is exempt from the rules,” Moon said.

     “There’s not even any kids around!”

     “The rules do not say ‘no swearing around kids’. They say ‘no swearing in the daycare’.”

     You sighed heavily and rubbed your face. “This is ridiculous. You know that right??”

     The bot just tilted their head to the side again.

     You huffed and just breathed for a while. You relaxed your muscles and managed to convince your brain that you weren’t actually in any danger. You felt exhausted, and you could really feel the sting on your knuckles now. You ignored the pain and glanced back up at Moon.

     “So… Moon. What’s your deal? What are your pronouns?”

     “He and they.” Moon paused. “It is complicated to refer to a being with multiple selves inside, but Sun and I agree these pronouns are best.”

     “Right, I see.” You nodded. “Well. Mine are they-“

     “They them preferred, he him tolerated, she her not allowed,” Moon interrupted, giving you a sly look.

     “Oh, so you can…” You looked at Moon’s faceplate, trying to find some hint of Sun present in Moon’s eyes. “Hi to you as well, Sun.”

     Moon stared at you, expression unreadable. “Clever kid.”

     “I told you, I’m not a kid. I’m 24.” You made a face at Moon.

     Moon ‘tsk’ed at you. “Still not old enough to rent a car.”

     “Wh-“ That had taken you by surprise. You actually laughed. “I mean. I guess so.” You checked the cameras again. Everything still looked fine.

     “Impatient,” Moon scolded.

     “Listen pal, i’d rather not get fired after three days for not being there when an intruder breaks in.” You stuck your tongue out at Moon.

     “If there is an intruder, you may serve out your time later,” Moon said.

     “Golly gee, thanks warden.” You rolled your eyes. You suddenly leapt up and tried to jump over Moon.

     Moon snatched you the moment your feet left the ground and dropped you back in the corner, then ‘tsk’ed at you.

     “Just testing you.” You folded your arms and leaned back against the corner with a huff. You tapped your fingers on your arms.

     You lasted about ten minutes before you started to get drowsy, just sitting around here. You braced your hands on your knees and rose to your feet.

     Moon immediately sprang up as well, eyes fixed on you suspiciously.

     “Relax, dream boy. I’m just standing so I don’t fall asleep.”

     “…You should take a nap.”

     You laughed. “So you can snatch my car keys and my wallet? Right.”

     Moon tilted his head. “Get some rest. You still have twenty five minutes of time out. I will allow you to spend it sleeping.”

     “How gracious.” You rolled your eyes. “No, i’m not gonna fall asleep on the job. I’m a good employee, dammit.”

     “…Thirty minutes.”

     “FFF-“ you managed to catch yourself just in time. “Ugh! This is ridiculous.”

     “Quit pouting, brat.”

     “Quit being a butthead, dream boy,” you retorted.

     “Childish.”

     “You’re the one who wont let me swear!”

     Moon just chuckled.

     You resigned yourself to ignore Moon and wait out your sentence. You kept checking your watch and shifting from foot to foot. Moon loomed over you, a silent sentinel. You finished your lollipop, but kept chewing on the stick.

     “How much time is left?” you asked.

     “Five minutes.”

     You nodded. “Right.” You studied Moon for a moment. “…Sun seemed to not want me to meet you. Why’s that?”

     Moon was silent for a long moment. “I am… defective. Deemed unsafe for children. Not advised for human interaction. Sun is just being cautious.”

     “Defective?” It was your turn to tilt your head curiously. You squinted at Moon, giving them a once over. “You seem fine to me. I mean, you scared the shiiiiiipping… labels… right off me? Earlier??” You frowned at your horrible but creative recovery. “You spooked me real good. Got me into fight or flight and everything. Thought I was gonna die.”

     “I would not kill you. Or anyone,” Moon said somewhat forcefully. “I don’t mean any harm. I just sometimes… get these glitches. I need to be fixed.”

     You squinted. “What kind of glitches?”

     Moon looked away for the first time in a long time. “Time is up. Your time out is over.”

     “Oh.” You took a few experimental steps out of the corner. When Moon didn’t stop you, you resisted the urge to make a break for the door. “Its alright if you don’t wanna tell me. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

     “Help?” Moon looked at you quizzically.

     “Yeah, its kinda my job. I’m here to look after yall, keep you safe and such. I’m here to help,” you said.

     “Helping me is not within your job description, night guard.”

     You rolled your eyes. “Fine then, no help for you. I gotta get back to my rounds, see you.” You took a few steps before encountering your first shadowy obstacle. “…Uh. Do you still have my flashlight?”

     “You threw it at me.” Moon pulled out the flashlight and held it out.

     “Yeah, well you had it coming, buster.” You gave Moon a sour look and took the flashlight. You turned, then paused. You turned again to face Moon. “I was kidding be the way, when I said ‘no help for you’. You can ask me for help.”

     Moon didn’t reply. You waved goodbye and navigated your way back out of the daycare. You thought it was almost funny, how different the two AIs were. Sun was so bubbly and expressive and bouncy, and Moon was quiet and stoic and almost scary. They reminded you of your own chaotic brain, logic and emotion constantly struggling for compromise.

     You stepped out of the daycare, then paused. You spun around, spying those two red eyes watching you from the dark. “Hey, Moon!!” you hollered.

     Moon said nothing, but he was still looking at you.

     “I’m not in the daycare anymore.” You grinned wickedly before spouting the most exaggerative and passionate line of profanities you could muster. “-bitch ass fucking shit biscuits!!! Fuck your rules, dream boy!” You laughed heartily as you turned and walked away. You could feel Moon’s withering stare on your back, but you ignored it.

     There was only an hour left till six, when the complex would unlock and the sparse morning staff would show up as you were leaving, setting things up and getting ready for when the whole building opened at seven. You did your final rounds, checking the cameras as you went. Nothing had caught on fire or been burgled in your absence, luckily.

     You were actually excited for tomorrow. You wanted to ask Sun all kinds of nosy questions and maybe hang out for a little bit. Just a short while, you got anxious when you weren’t moving and doing stuff on the job. Off the clock, however, you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and do nothing for as long as you were able. You did just that when you finally got home, just managing to kick your shoes off before collapsing in bed and falling asleep.

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

as i have previously mentioned, i have spent some time on tma twitter, gathering knowledge, appreciating art and memes, sighing copiously at replies, choking at tweet threads, and all around having a horrible but no doubt addicting time. like slow car crash addicting. but anyway.

what i have learned is this! people have vastly differing but aligned opinions about one elias bitchard, such that they seem to fall on a slider scale almost. and so here i present them to you as i have encountered them in the wild (none of which reflect my own opinion, save for the first of them):

i hate his bitch ass but mostly ironically/as a joke because it's fun to hate him and he deserves it for being such an evil stupid bastard and hurting x character(s), but that's about it. it's not super deep mostly i just like dunking on him

i unironically fucking hate his guts if i met him irl i'd rip his throat out with my bare hands. what a disgusting wretch of a man, just listening to him speak gives me hives. everything about him is Gross, don't even talk to me about him i'll go feral

angrier, more rigid subset of the previous: i unironically hate elias bouchard and do not understand how any of you freaks can possibly stand this evil, abusive, digusting barely human being and then further still wanna fuck him/ship other characters with him, he's not sexy and never has been shut the fuck up

he's uninteresting and boring to me and i don't see why y'all love to talk about him so much tbh :/ subpar villain bitch at best, i barely like him as a character let alone a person. find someone more interesting to talk about, there's a whole assortment

hypothetical indifferent neutral space that i've yet to encounter in actuality, this mf is polarizing lmao even at ppl's least interested attitudes towards him

actually no i lied true neutral is not giving a shit about jonah magnus and instead stanning and pondering about the life of the original weedman bouchard, whoever he may have been. rip the poor poor man he probably didn't deserve to have his eyeballs scooped like an ice cream cone

elias is is such an interesting and complex character to me and i enjoy writing/drawing/talking about him because alongside his general reprehensible and horribly evil qualities as a person he's such a powerful and cunning character. but at his core he's really just pathetic old man who's scared to die and is searching for the power to dominate and manipulate others and extend his existence by any means necessary before his clock runs out. and i think that's both horrible and fascinating.

i ironically love elias/am stupid horny for him because i think running after this nasty literally evil man with high maintenance bitch energy is hilarious and certain art of him really just hits sometimes man, idk lol being/fucking an evil mf can be fun (also making the rest of the fandom keyboard smash at our memes is a plus)

i 100% unironically love/am horny for elias because evil bastard man is just sexy sometimes what do you want me to say? have you heard his voice? would you begrudge me my horrible taste in men? elias dickchard never did anything good for anyone but himself ever in his entire life and i love him for it, good on him for conquering the world to swerve on death, what an inspiration, i love him and wish him the best

bizarre yet interesting subset of the previous that i have only encountered one (1) time, but it impressed itself so strongly i must share: i don't care what happens to jon or martin. i mean that, honest. i'm happy for elias, marvelous worlding ending bastard he is. i hope he wins. no i am not joking. some of y'all are here only for the admiral? i'm only here for elias. god bless.

pls tag urself i'm 'mostly i just like dunking on him'

[totentcnz]

Wilhelm has some of Richard Wagner’s original Pokémon. Not all of them--his team is mostly new and let’s be real a lot of Wagner’s ‘mon would have some real nasty attachments to their old master and his family--but he does currently have a few.

The first is Fáfnir, his ace (and the Pokémon who will later become his dragon sibling--the dragon that he as a Draconid will Bond Phenomenon with). Fáfnir is a Hydreigon who used to perform in Wagner’s original operas, being most famous for playing the dragon of a near-identical name in the opera Siegfried. However. I should say that Richard Wagner’s love of Pokémon extended only to those who were nonsapient. If a Pokémon was sapient, he’d treat them just like every other human he came into contact with, aka garbage. Fáfnir stuck with the dude because his operatic performances were second to none. But the moment Wagner was cursed to lose his talent after his death, Fáfnir ditched him and his family completely and decided to offer himself to whoever it was that would receive Wagner’s talent.

I should make another note here. Fáfnir is Poison/Dragon, being a variant of the Hydreigon that’s closer to the original hydra (which was deadly poisonous), and he doesn’t have three heads--he has nine. He’s been around for a very long time, long enough that his heads would have been cut off and regrown until he reached the maximum. It’s unusual for such a powerful Pokémon to ally with a boy so young, but as far as the dragon is concerned, anyone who can reach his former master’s level of talent while simultaneously not being the horrific human being he was is worthy of his services.

Wilhelm’s second group of Wagner’s Pokémon includes Brünhilde, his Altaria companion--a German variant that’s Dragon/Fairy before Mega Evolution. Wagner had a ton of Altarias by his side (and quite creepily referred to them as his “collection” even though they were sapient); he’d gathered the best of the best of the best to be able to sing in his operas, and basically hoarded them & their families not letting anyone else “have” them for their productions. Though the Shiny Altarias are still with the Wagner family in Bayreuth, Brünhilde was one of the many who “defected,” so to speak, to Wilhelm once he came around and proved that he had their old master’s capabilities. And for good reason, too. They hang around Franzi’s house with him a lot and he treats them a lot better than Bitchard Wanger ever did.

[universal-kitty]

   Ah, wait a minute... I’ve never introduced him here, have I...? Oh well, better late than never. To my followers, meet a longtime crush and now, officially listed F/O-!!

   Kusuriuri (Medicine Seller) from Ayakashi: Samurai Horror Tales and Mononoke!!

   He’s a mysterious man who travels all over Japan not only selling his wares, but eradicating mononoke/ayakashi, a sort of spirit that is intertwined humanity, but can become harmful or deadly to them, as well. (The fandom also has a theory that he’s a kitsune, which....I am also not protesting to, if potentially true.)

   If you’re a fan of horror, of supernatural themes, and like Japan or Okami, I highly recommend Mononoke! There’s a playlist of all the episodes up on Youtube and it’s very short (12 or 13 episodes, maximum for Mononoke), so it makes for a quick, short anime to enjoy, think over, and then move along~

   Definitely give it a chance~! There’s some troubling themes in the show, as mononoke are never entirely pleasant creatures (after all, they’re born from the worst hardships humanity creates for itself), but it’s well worth it for the stories told and animation style introduced. Besides, the fandom is small and could always use more people~! <3

   With that all said...I guess it’s time to hammer out my self insert more... Ah.