#BioWare I wish that I trusted you enough to do right by her

[crowetesque]

Backlog: Sigrun having a good laugh--probably at Anders' expense.

[dalishious]

The Verchiel March Part II.

#LowElfEsteem is a series on Sera’s romance with an elven mage, discussing both the well and poorly done aspects of her writing, while also examining her character on a deeper level.  

As said in Part I, Sera’s personal quest is more about her relationship with the Inquisitor, than it is her as an individual. Namely, if the Inquisitor gains her trust or not, and trust is not something that Sera gives out lightly. As Sera eventually shares, she has had to rely on no one but herself for most of her life, because of abandonment, betrayal, and unfair life circumstances.

If the Inquisitor either a) talked to Harmond too much to the point that Sera kills him by her own volition, b) let him go, or c) sided with him, Sera will be moderately to extremely angry.

Sera: What? What do you want? Because I'm still angry. Angry face.

A) Sera: And you should thank me for stomping that smile off that arse. He was getting in your head.

B) Sera: You let that pisshead go. You know he's just going to play his game somewhere else. That's what they do.

C) Sera: You made a deal with that pisshead. After everything, you made a deal. What is wrong with you?

The Inquisitor can then either a) tell Sera everything that happened was her fault and lay down some very disturbing victim-blaming on her friends, b) tell Sera they don’t tolerate people questioning authority / telling her the Inquisition has more important things to do than help her, or c) apologize to Sera for their actions.

The first option is indeed very disturbing to me, and I sure would hope no one would pick that honestly feeling such a way...

Inquisitor: You had me march my people through his territory. That provoked him. If we'd stayed out, it might've stayed peaceful.

Sera: What? I don't even know what to say to that. “Let the bad man do what he wants, or he'll get worse?”

Sera: What kind of lay-down-and-take-it shit is that?

…But the very fact that it’s a position Dragon Age has taken in full sincerity before in terms of the mage-templar conflict, well... I can’t help but wonder if this is just yet another case of BioWare’s centrist ideology making it into another facet of the franchise. And I can’t help but wonder how many players honestly feel such, too. (Especially given the outpouring of hate towards Sera as a character.)

The argument ends with the Inquisitor getting another offer to kick Sera out of the Inquisition. Because of course not having that as a constant option in her hub dialogue wheel isn’t enough, we need to really drive home the fact that Sera is a #BitchLefty to get rid of, right? //sarcasm

If the Inquisitor either encouraged Sera to kill Harmond or seized his territory, she will thank the Inquisitor—though if seizing territory, she will comment that he deserved much worse than that. The Inquisitor’s responses are almost identical to those if Sera is angry, and lead into the same argument. The only difference is, there is one option to give support for Sera’s endeavors. 

Inquisitor: Risky, but keep it within the Inquisition, and I'll support you.

Sera: Even though this puckered around us?

Inquisitor: Even so.

Sera: Well. Good, then.

Sera: Right, what do you mean, because I am really not used to that... acceptance thing you're doing right there.

Sera is downright shocked with the last option, and it is what breaks my heart the most; how she says she is not used to being accepted. Even when saying the Inquisitor is now on her “good side”, she does so with hesitancy and doubt. For all the carefree vibes Sera exudes, she cannot understand why someone would truly like her.

But because we are not allowed to have good things... I really, really wish that the Inquisitor’s support for Sera had more enthusiasm to it. Even when the game lets you be nice to Sera for once, it comes with negativity attached to it. 

Inquisitor: We'll have some differences, but I want to be one of your friends.

Sera: You're pretty big to be one of my contacts. Important, I mean. Not fat. But all right, Inquisitor.

Why must the game insist there are differences in opinion between Sera and the Inquisitor? Why is that not a character decision the player can make? Why can the Inquisitor not say “fuck yeah Sera, you’re great and I appreciate you”? 

Also, real nice insertion of a fatphobic joke there, Kristjanson. How funny would it be if the Inquisitor was fat, am I right? //sarcasm

For some reason this is another case where Sera has different responses to the flirting option per each race the Inquisitor is.

Inquisitor: I don't want this to get in the way of you staying. I like having you here.

[Adaar] Sera: Oh-ho-ho! Yes, that's, um. Woof.

[Cadash] Sera: You're just the cutest little... (Chuckles.)

[Lavellan] Sera: Mhn, maybe?

[Trevelyan] Sera: I could see that, "Lady" Trevelyan. I could.

And just like in the conversation where Sera is introduced, the different responses boil down to fanning herself over how hot Adaar is, borderline infantilizing Cadash, teasing Trevelyan, and unsure of Lavellan. And again, I fail to see why this is at all necessary. The only one I can see as maybe being valid is her hesitancy with a Dalish elf in particular, given it is one of the many allusions to the past judgement she’s received from them. (But that’s a topic for either the next post or the one after.)

Despite the execution, I do like the idea of Sera coming to see the Inquisitor as someone she can trust; someone she can depend on. I think this scene is a really good segue into her rooftop cookie scene, where she finally starts to talk about herself, hopeful for the first time that she will be accepted.

—————

An important note: I now have a Patreon for early access to the majority of my writing before eventually sharing on Tumblr. However, where this is a series that I have already started, I do not feel it is fair to do so. So please consider #LowElfEsteem to be in its own little side project category!

[dulcidyne]

For the character ask meme: Shepard!

First Impression Meh. Lol. I watched my husband (boyfriend at the time) play through the series before I did my own playthrough (I developed an insanely intense hyper fixation over Tali and I literally needed to play more because I couldn't get enough of the character). Anyway, he played Sheploo and I wasn't all that impressed. Impression now FemShep in all her iterations is sheer perfection. I wish they made her character model more buff but Jennifer Hale really hooked me on the character. Still hate her default face though. Favorite moment Agh. Too hard! I think it's a tie between "Big, stupid jellyfish" and the moment when you can snap at Joker after Thessia. I like Shep a little bit dysfunctional, she really shines in those moments when her emotional control slips. Idea for a story

Just the two major fics I'm working on. I'm tapped out after those.

Unpopular opinion

Control ending is cool, actually, and totally fits a Paragon Shep WHO IS A GREAT NARRATIVE FOIL TO TIM COME AT ME HATERS. If Bioware had just tweaked the finale, I think more people would've picked it (de-coupled the endings from galactic readiness and instead tied them to choices in the previous acts and made the Cerberus base showdown end with the choice to kill or enroll/coerce TIM to make Cerberus help reclaim Earth and THEN only allow the Control ending for Shep's who spared him/controlled him then...boom, you've got yourself some beautiful gameplay-enhancing narrative is what you got). Okay this was more of an ending unpopular opinion but I see A LOT about how it doesn't make sense for the Shep to pick anything but Destroy and that's just not true. In this TED talk I will... Favorite relationship Brace yourself for the most obvious answer imaginable. Garrus/Shep. I love them platonic, I love them romantic. I love how their narrative arcs echo each other. I love how they find each other again at their lowest moments. I love how Garrus is a cynical SOB but manages to pull out a halfway convincing Susie Sunshine routine if it means cheering Shepard up and Shep can do the same for him whenever he falters. The support, the friendship, the mutual uplifting, the trust. I love how they give each other something to believe in. Together, they're greater than the sum of their parts. It gets me right in chest every time. Favorite headcanon I like framing my replays through a God!Shep lens. Throw some bastardized quantum mechanics in there with the Many Worlds theory and you're good to go. I think it helps explain Shepard's ridiculous luck to have an alternate universe God version of herself in her corner. There's a line somewhere in the game from the Reapers about Shepard's preternatural luck and it fits in this headcanon so nicely.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Video Game Romance

Random Googling to identify a place name in Horizon Zero Dawn that I’d tripped over but couldn’t pinpoint to a location ended with me tripping over something that I really didn’t expect. I mean, I probably should have expected the thing, but I did not expect the thing.

Basically, for some reason, asking where “the Cut” is in HZD will get related queries about romances in this game, and more to the point, complaints about there not being any. I also found a top ten list of games that people wish had romances in them, HZD being one of them. Other items on that list included “remaster Elder Scrolls: Oblivion and Fallout 3 to let us have romances”, Final Fantasy XIV, Monster Hunter World (”Because we’re allowed to have a house; why not a spouse?” was the theory) ... and fucking Dark Souls - something about, “Why not a tiny bit of light to shine in the darkness of the world?”

How about because “that’s not the point”?

Now, I like a good video game romance as much as the next person. This is a lot of why I play Bioware games. But let’s be fair here: the romance - not just a particular romance, but the entire concept of romance - needs to fit into the game’s structure from both the narrative and gameplay perspectives, or it’s just going to feel shoehorned in and distract from the game’s themes. Some games just aren’t built to have a romance in them. Does that leave the option for fanfic romance later? Yes. Yes, it does. Like, @galleywinter has an entire fic series sort of thing that covers exactly that, in an AU sort of way. That’s pretty awesome, as it goes - means that the NPC is developed enough to want to have an IC relationship with and that there’s scope within the game to make a character with thoughts and feelings rather than just an avatar to hit things and get loot. But trying to shoehorn an in-game romance like that into the structure of a MMO like World of Warcraft? Nope. The only MMO I’ve seen that’s successfully done in-game NPC romance is, again, Bioware - with Star Wars: The Old Republic. And even that’s kind of kept off to the side somewhat, and is a lot to do with Bioware’s attempt at keeping the single-player experience and the multiplayer experience very separate. TOR has you there for your character’s story, whichever one you happen to be playing at the time (at least until the Makeb thing and beyond broke off from the “each class gets its own story” thing the game had going on). That works ... moderately.

By ‘the structure of the game’, what I mean is ... well, companions. Bioware games have you taking at least one companion around. TOR gives you one. Mass Effect gives you two. Dragon Age? Three. Thus it’s pretty easy to have your NPC love interest tagging along with you, which is what you want when you’re in love, right? Skyrim and Fallout 4 also have that, with Skyrim having the added advantage of “You have a house and if your spouse isn’t the adventuring type, they can stay home and you can come back to them to tell stories of what you’ve been up to and just Be With Your Partner”. That works fine. The thing is, the game’s mechanics and world set-up allow for that. A lot of the other games ... not so much.

Horizon Zero Dawn, for instance. Aloy is a Seeker. She hasn’t considered herself to have a permanent home since the Hero’s Journey thing kicked off in usual Dead Mentor style with the mess at the Proving. She’s been nominally alone for most of her life and she’s pretty clearly still not sure whether to trust people being nice to her. Flirtation is not something she necessarily recognises and it’s clear from when Erend does it that she’s just like, “What the fuck?” and it takes awhile to get past that. That’s character stuff, but there’s also logistical issues. Without a permanent living space, she doesn’t have anyplace for a spouse to just ... stay. And having an AI companion following her around would get really problematic for some of the stealth stuff that people enjoy in this game because either the companion’s AI would have to be incredibly good (which ... we just aren’t there yet) or the enemies’ AI would have to be programmed not to notice your companion, like in TLOU1. So it’s theoretically possible, but awkward and would distract from that feeling of quiet discovery that makes this game what it is. (Plus if you went for Varl, you’d have issues where you’re going into ancient ruins all the time and he’d be exiled for that.)

Do I support writing fanfic of Aloy figuring out romance with whichever NPC a player chooses? Hell yes. Do I support it being crammed into the actual game? Hell no.

Final Fantasy XIV ... it’s a MMO. I’ve already discussed why that kind of thing doesn’t normally work in MMOs. Plus there are too many NPCs, no voiced PC dialogue, and too much else to do without having to stop mid-quest to head wherever in the world your NPC crush is. If they’re not doing something rash, getting possessed and/or getting themselves killed, anyway. Again, I totally get it and at least one of my Warriors of Light had quite the crush on Thancred (largely while he was still being voiced by Taliesin Jaffe). But I can write that quite happily, if I want to, without actually having it acted out for me by little computer avatars.

Dark Souls ... I mean, come on, don’t even start. There’s hardly any human beings in that game. And one female-presenting ... being ... deciding to not kill you does not a romance make. Unless someone’s seriously suggesting shoehorning in a love interest from ... like, where? You’re an undead deciding the fate of the world; where the hell does getting smoochy with someone come in? “Let’s have a bit of light in the darkness of that world” my arse; I don’t even play Dark Souls and I know that’s not the point. Same situation as Horizon Zero Dawn, really - why do we need romance when there’s so much else to do and explore? When are we going to find time for it in between hunts? Is it supposed to happen during the hunting and exploration and awe-inspiring discoveries? Isn’t that going to break the ‘contemplative solitude’ mood that adds to this game’s richness and depth?

There’s an issue, I think, where the line between “a game should be accessible to everyone” and “a game needs to appeal to everyone” has been either erased or is so mobile that it becomes just a lump of, “a game should be accessible to me personally, all the time, and cater to my every whim”. I would personally love to play Dark Souls for the whole “the world tells the story” bit but I know that the mechanics would piss me off and the lack of a story mode is a deal-breaker for me from a health perspective as much as anything else. It’s FromSoftware’s prerogative to refuse to add a story mode. I may complain, but that’s on a sheer accessibility level.

The other place I may complain - and even then only a little - is when a game that does allow romances doesn’t allow the romance I would personally like. That’s only a minor annoyance, though, because romance is part of the structure of the narrative and the gameplay, and there’s this character that matches up perfectly with my own and the game says I can’t romance them. But again, that’s what fanfic’s for, and the only reason I sulk a little is that feeling of, “I can romance someone else but it’s just not the same”.

What I won’t do is demand that the structure and narrative mood of a game be substantially altered to shoehorn in a romance that I can create far, far better in fanfic. Not everything needs to happen on the screen. Video games are supposed to fire the imagination, not take its place. If you want your character to have any romance, with any NPC in any video game ever? That is exactly what fanfic’s for. And no writer, no matter how good a writer they are, will ever tailor romantic dialogue so exactly to your tastes as you will. So instead of demanding they try ... do so yourself. Or play a game whose structure allows romance.

Basically there’s a difference between demanding concessions for the disabled and demanding unnecessary shoehorned narrative elements because of personal preference. Honestly, things like that fall under the “Be careful what you wish for” category for me - I understand why they’re asking, to a point, but I think what they’d get if their dreams of romances in these games came true would probably be far less satisfying than they think for those specific games that weren’t designed to fit romance into their themes, plot and mechanics. It’s fair if all they want is a dating sim, but there are some perfectly good dating sims with combat! That’s kind of what Bioware does now (sorry, guys, but it’s true).

[queen-scribbles]

🖊🖊🖊

You get some of my SWtOR girls; two of them things I’ve been sitting on for a while, and then the new blueberry Jedi, Endrali

So, the first two are semi-related and I’m just gonna sorta do them together. Vica(Jedi Consular) and Khii(Smuggler) both made the opposite choice from what people might expect given their classes and backgrounds when presented the option of Odessen joining the Republic at the end of Onslaught. Vica stayed independent, and Khii joined. (I may have mentioned one or both of those in passing before, but I need to ramble about motivation and that decision as part of their character arcs.)

🖊  That was a really great character moment for Vica. Honestly, the only thing that was on par or bigger was when she started pursuing a relationship with Theron, and I feel like it’s an even bigger deal for her than completing Echoes will be. See, she’s always been the quintessential Perfect Jedi. Humble, kind, self-sacrificing to a literal fault, follows all the rules bc they must be there for a reason.Helpful, sweet, serene, etc etc. She was actually a perfect fit to be my first run through the Consular story, and my “no DS points” toon. The Jedi were her life. She was found to be Force Sensitive at a very young age and whisked away from her parents early enough she doesn’t even truly remember them (doesn’t even know she has a younger sister *cough* Bry *cough* until after founding the Alliance  >.>). So she, of course, happily did the self-sacrificing thing to save all the Masters in Act 1. It was her duty; a Jedi’s life is sacrifice, she’s the only one who can do this, she can Save Everyone, no matter what it cost her(sidenote: I really wish they would do something mechanic-wise for the whole “you getting weaker” thing as you shield people).  Her views start shifting in Act 2, when she gets to Balmorra, for two reasons:

her massive crush on Tai Cordan that has her questioning the whole “no falling in love” thing even as she tries to ignore her feelings into nonexistence, despite the fact he’s idealistic and kind and driven and a whole host of good, attractive things and she can’t. stop. THINKING about him. It doesn’t go anywhere since BioWare won’t let you flir- I mean, since they both have Responsibilities and she’s trying to be a Good Jedi, which means no attachments like that. 

Zenith. The two of them become extremely good friends, even if they seem like polar opposites, and he challenges a lot of the stuff the Jedi spent roughly twenty years drumming into her head, really makes her think about and defend what she believes and why. Some things she’s not budging on; like showing mercy and giving second chances, so they butt heads sometimes still, but they’re unflinchingly loyal to each other and 100% trust each other to watch their backs. (Zenith saying he trusted her felt as much like a victory as completing a romance) He’s the one who really made her start wondering if there was a way to balance her own needs and desires with serving the needs and desires of the Republic and Jedi Council and the Rift Alliance. 

She spent the rest of the base game working things out for herself, which means she missed Iresso’s romance, and honestly still feels conflicted about being  “selfish” all the way up until the Shadow of Revan prelude stuff, where she meets Theron and goes “OhNO” bc if she thought her crush on Tai was bad, the way her heart sticks in her throat and her words get all jumbled up now are so much worse. And she decides to be selfish for once in her life and thus Theron is the first time she lets herself want something(someone) and actually pursue it, instead of burying the feelings until they go away. (There’s a reason the traitor arc hits much, much harder for her than it did Jaaide, and this is a big part of it)

She finds it a.... tricky but worthwhile balancing act--even if she is a terribly inexperienced flirt, sorry, Theron--to show interest in someone and still mostly be a Good Jedi.But it works. And it makes her happy and the galaxy doesn’t come to a screeching halt, so it’s okay, right? 

Over the following years(at least, the ones she’s not frozen in carbonite thanks, Arcann), she also develops her skills at being a leader, not just a diplomat or Jedi, actually a leader. She gets the hang of making decisions not based solely on what the Jedi Code or teachings say, because sometimes they don’t help(sometimes they make things worse), how to run something like the Alliance where everyone is looking to her. And sure, Theron and Lana are a big help and do their share of the work(and then some, on occasion), but she is the Leader. The Commander. And she is proud, in the proud-parent sense, of what they build, and what they endure. And much as being a Jedi still means to her, when given the chance to rejoin the Order and tie Odessen to the Republic she served for so long, she finds she likes the idea of being an independent ally more. She likes being her own person, just with Jedi values as part of her moral code. She likes having that independence and not having to abide by rules and decisions she didn’t help make. (she likes waking up next to her husband every morning, his fingers running over her tattoos, as both of them wonder how they got so kriffing lucky) It was definitely a defining character moment for her that she said no to the Chancellor’s offer. I was honestly sort of proud of her; she was my fourth toon through Onslaught and I thought she’d want to rejoin. But she went “Nah, that’s not me anymore” and it made my day. (nothing against the Jedi or the Republic; I just love it when my characters develop and grow and do unexpected things)

🖊 And Khii. Khii was the opposite; she grew up on Nar Shadda, with no parents after age six. She doesn’t even know if they abandoned her or were killed or what; just that they left one day and never came back. So she got thrown into the life of a street orphan and had to take care of herself. No family, no home, no knowing who she could trust. Not daring to get attached to anyone bc you never knew when a gangster would decide you looked at them funny, or someone would OD or a slaver would come though... there was a long list of ways to lose friends. Better not to have any to start with.  Over the course of the base game, the Republic started to feel like a home. An imperfect one, sure, but better than where she came from. And she got attached. Her crew is her family, Bowdaar is her wing Wookiee, and she’s actually pretty happy with the privateer gig. Girl does what she has to to survive, and a steady paycheck from one of the biggest powers in the galaxy is a pretty solid way to do that. (Darmas and Dodonna’s betrayal really stung for her. She’s my only Smug so far who actually killed Darmas bc she was so darn pissed at him. Also, she never liked him. Wanted to shoot him any time he hit on her.). So, of course, much as the Alliance also feels like a home and a family by this point, she really liked the sense of belonging she had as a Republic Privateer and she likes the idea of funding help, so she was saying “sign me up” almost before Chancellor Rans finished talking. 

🖊 For Endrali, since she’s only just landed on Coruscant, we’re going with pregame backstory. SO. She’s a child of the Sabosen family (Sabosen’dra’listral for her full name), who are responsible for social aspects like justice and education among the Ascendency in Legends canon. Given the Chiss views on the Force, it was something of a problem for her family when two year old Endrali started making her toys float just by wiggling her fingers. Her parents are both highly placed in their fields, and having a Force sensitive child would be damaging to an extent they weren’t sure they could weather. They managed to hide her away with excuses about being a sickly child until she was four. At that point, her powers were strong enough they couldn’t hide her anymore, and whispers and rumors were starting as to what could be wrong with this child that no one had seen her in two years, and they knew they’d have to give a more satisfactory answer soon.

Her father was.... acquainted with a trader who occasionally visited the fringes of Chiss space, but was not Chiss himself. He happened to come through as they were deciding their course of action, and so Endrali’s parents gave her to this trader, told him to find her a home somewhere outside Chiss space, and paid him handsomely for the trouble. They told any who inquired that Endrali had succumbed to her illness and they were devastated by the loss of their child(which they were; they did love her, they just knew if she stayed it would be death or exile for her and shame for them). 

The trader actually kept his word. His first stop was Coruscant, where a Jedi sensed how strong Endrali is with the Force and persuaded the trader to let her take this little Chiss girl for Jedi training. It fulfilled his goal, and Jedi are trustworthy, so the trader agreed rather easily. Endrali’s parents had given him some of her things, which he passed on to the Jedi--including documentation with both her full name and her core name, and a note insisting whoever adopted her never let her come “home”.Those records went in an archive somewhere and were essentially forgotten. She was introduced as Endrali, raised as Endrali, happy as Endrali. The Jedi are her family, and she is content. 

[expertmakodriver]

30 Day Mass Effect Challenge: Day 5

5. Favorite character?

Surprising (hopefully) not a soul: Garry Vakary himself

(Disclaimer: I’m going to be talking about him in the context of the first two games while disregarding the third. Also, while Femshep technically is my favorite character, I already made a post about her, so I’m making this section about Garrus.)

Strap in, folks, because this is going to be a long post. 

When I first encountered Garrus, I immediately felt a connection to him since he seemed like one of the few people on the Citadel who actually gave a shit about stopping Saren. Despite being a C-Sec officer bound by red tape, he proved that he was a man of action by leaving all of the bureaucracy behind and getting some real work done with Shepard and the Normandy crew. Since turians and humans had a few remnants of tension between them as a result of the Relay 314 Incident/First Contact War, which was still somewhat recent, it was nice to see another turian, besides Nihlus, act civilly towards a human. 

Garrus was so eager to step up and take action against Saren; of course I let him aboard the Normandy. His struggle and Shepard’s struggle with politics are very similar; they both don’t like being told what to do by clueless politicians/higher-ups who try to prevent them from solving problems. This comes into play when Garrus and Shepard begin conversing more and more on the Normandy. I’ve always felt that Garrus’s interactions were a bit more profound than those of any other crew member; they don’t just talk to each other, but exchange opinions and feedback and really try to understand each other. They eventually develop a sort of mentor-protégé relationship to the point where Shepard really has a deep effect on Garrus in terms of his way of viewing the world. I had Shepard lead Garrus down the Renegade path while enforcing a few Paragon ideas (such as being cautious of the thin moral line that any Spectre walks as someone with nearly unlimited power in Citadel space), and I still do to this day.

I’ve always found it funny that Garrus is always super respectful to Shepard despite being a bit of a jerk to pretty much everyone else. Seeing him thank the commander at the end of the game for letting him in on the action and teaching him some valuable lessons was heartwarming, too. It made me kind of sad to think that he would go back to C-Sec after the war with Saren and Soverign was over, especially since he seemed to be so miserable there, but it was nice to know that he would follow Shepard’s lead and train to be a Spectre later on. 

Fast forward to Mass Effect 2, and I was so upset when The Illusive Man said that Garrus had disappeared a few months after the Normandy was destroyed. I kept wondering what had happened to him and if he would ever appear in the game again, but when I took a closer look at Archangel’s dossier and noticed the line “omni-tool expert and noted sniper” on it, I became very suspicious despite not wanting to get my hopes up.

Throughout Archangel’s recruitment mission, I kept worrying. Hearing the mercs talk about how Archangel had been cornered and put through hell for the past few days didn’t sit well with me. I think that was the one point at which I hoped that Archangel wasn’t Garrus, because I didn’t want to imagine Garrus going through all of that on his own. When I saw that Archangel had blue armor, I knew for sure it was him. Taking off his helmet and revealing his identity to Shepard made me so happy that I wasn’t at all bothered by how little I was surprised. I wasn’t entirely relieved, though, because Garrus was still in immediate danger. Seeing him so tired and damaged was rough; he was fairly different from the enthusiastic C-Sec officer that I had brought with me on every mission in the previous game. Even though he was exhausted and didn’t exactly have sufficient energy to physically display his emotion, you could tell just how happy he was to see Shepard alive and kicking. “Yeah I shot at you, Shepard. I wanted to get you moving so you could come get my ass out of here.”

When Shepard was forced to leave his side to close the shutters in the base’s lower level, I was in full panic mode. I didn’t trust Jacob or Miranda enough to leave them alone with him. Then when Garrus was nearly killed by the rocket that blew half of his face off, I literally had to pause the game and calm myself down because of how pissed I was. Of course I was distraught at the sight of his motionless body bleeding out on the ground, but I was also upset with the possibility that the game would give me a surprise reunion with my favorite character just to kill him off so quickly. I was, for the second time, overjoyed when I saw that he was alive a few moments later, but hearing him gasping for breath and choking on his own blood with Shepard, who is almost always composed and level-headed, freaking out while trying to help him was heart-wrenching. 

Then, right after I see Shepard looking very nervous and upset as Jacob explains the extent of Garrus’s injuries to her back on the Normandy, the smug bastard himself walks out of surgery and just casually waltzes up to Shepard like, “It’s only a flesh wound, I’ve had worse” and I literally thanked BioWare out loud for not killing Garrus. Shepard’s look of absolute relief and joy when she saw that he was okay was very touching, as was the fact that Garrus expresses that he’s more worried about Shepard than himself even though he nearly died a few hours ago. Garrus was so eager to fight alongside Shepard again that he put himself right to work at the Main Battery, and that really demonstrated how much trust he had in Shepard and her motives though I wish there was an option to have Shepard tell Garrus to focus on relaxing and getting some rest. Poor guy just went through hell and already wants to bury himself in calibrations. 

While Shepard and Garrus were catching up later on, Shepard was so gentle with Garrus while she asked him about his team and what he had been doing while she was gone, and I could see how broken he was by the death of his team and the betrayal of his former teammate. I felt bad for him. When he asked Shepard to help him find Sidonis a few hours of gameplay later, I knew it was because he wanted the moral support - he wanted Shepard to be there with him while he sought closure with Sidonis (regardless of how he gets it). 

Seeing Shepard and Garrus so synchronized while they tracked down Harkin and obtained information about Sidonis was great. They seem more like partners than mentor and student, and that was exactly what the writers were going for. 

When it came to allowing or preventing Sidonis’s death, I let Garrus shoot him, and I continue to do so during every playthrough. There are three main reasons for this, the first being that I felt that Shepard shouldn’t be involved in the situation as both a separate party and a non-turian. Turians have their own culture and deal with responsibility and leadership a bit differently than humans do; they pride themselves on taking ownership over their choices and putting the safety and interests of the whole before the individual. Sidonis broke both of these cardinal rules. Garrus, as both a turian and the leader of the group who Sidonis had betrayed, felt obligated to serve justice to Sidonis, another turian, and that is inherently something that Shepard cannot fully understand as a human. It wouldn’t feel right to let Shepard deny Garrus the right to deal with Sidonis in the way that he saw fit.

The second reason is that Sidonis was more than just a coward; he had the opportunity to warn Garrus of the trap set by the mercs for his squad, but he didn’t. Garrus says that he learned through some old contacts that Sidonis “booked transport off of Omega just before the attack” and disappeared. He didn’t even try to make things right with Garrus by confronting him afterwards and apologizing. This is why I’m not bothered by Garrus wanting to kill Sidonis. If I felt that Garrus was being too destructive or going too far, I would have had Shepard steer him back in the right direction. He kept himself in check well enough (like when he didn’t kill Harkin). 

And finally, the third reason: If Shepard came back to the Normandy one day and found that everyone - Garrus, Joker, Mordin, Tali, etc - had been slowly and painfully killed by an enemy group because, say, Jacob had been captured and sold Shepard out (and didn’t even try to warn Shepard or stop the attack), you know damn well that most, if not all, players would bring the fury of hell onto him. 

Now for the juicy part: Garrus’s romance. When I was innocently exploring Garrus’s dialogue options after his loyalty mission and stumbled across the “We could ease stress together” line, I lost my freaking mind. The game is going to let Shepard sleep with Garrus? Is this for real? I didn’t immediately realize that “easing tension” would turn into “making love and wordlessly declaring mutual feelings for each other”, so I was a little disappointed at first, but I was willing to take what I could get. Garrus was so flustered by Shepard’s proposition, to the point where he seems like he wasn’t expecting her to be interested in him at all, and seeing badass vigilante, merc leader, and hero of Omega turn into a shy softy around her was cute. 

Through further dialogue, Garrus began to hint that he had feelings for Shepard, and ugh it was so endearing. He made subtle remarks about wanting more than just “blowing off steam” with her without making his feelings obvious, probably because he didn’t want to chase her away with his heart, and when I combined this with the fact that despite these feelings, which he has had for who knows how long now (maybe even the first game?), he isn’t the one to make the first move, I realized that Garrus was probably too afraid of approaching Shepard with any sort of interest that he had in her because he didn’t want to be rejected and/or feared ruining their relationship. That was the final straw for me: I was super attached to his character at this point. The little dork wanted to watch porn to learn how to properly satisfy a human woman and thought that playing shitty club music was a good idea. The nerd. The doofus. I love him.

I’m just going to admit it: the first time I saw his romance scene with Shepard right before the Omega 4 Relay, I went from laughing as he awkwardly played techno music and tried to woo Shep with his bad flirting skills to tearing up as he confessed to her that he wanted their time together to be special and that he wanted to do things right. Notice how this is different from something he said previously about how if their romantic rendezvous goes south due to species incompatibility, fighting the Collectors would be “a welcome distraction” and wouldn’t be a big deal. Oh, no. It would be a big deal. Garrus wants to give Shepard the best final moment of peace he can before they take on the Collector base, and when Shepard shut him up and they touched foreheads (which I suppose is like the turian equivalent of a kiss given that turians don’t have lips to kiss with) I just lost my mind. I cried and I’m not ashamed to say it. It takes a lot to make me cry, since I’m not easily moved, but seeing Garrus and Shepard so happy in such a tender moment was too much for me. My two favorite characters enjoying peace and joy that they deserve. Beautiful. 

The suicide mission - I have all my upgrades, all loyalty missions complete, and I’m still freaking out about who is going to die and who is going to survive. I made the right choices in terms of who I assigned to what, but even with Garrus at Shepard’s side the whole time, I was again in full panic mode. I had like three separate heart attacks thinking that Garrus was about to be killed. I was literally shouting in horror as this happened: 

Everything worked out in the end, though. The whole crew survived, the base was destroyed, and Shepard got to snuggle with Garrus in her cabin afterwards. I was very, very happy.

So yeah, Garrus having such a profound character and being not just a likable badass but also Shepard’s most loyal companion is why I love him so much. Evidently, this is also why he’s one of the most, if not the most, popular characters from Mass Effect. Archangel owns all of our asses.

[ightham]

ranking dragon age companions

this is all my own opinion so im sorry if you disagree

1) Dog. there is absolutely nothing wrong with dog. Dog is perfect, and a constant positive force. 

2) Varric. I really wish Varric was romancable. hes charming, attractive, and so good with words. He’s a loyal friend, and always seems to know how to handle things to the best of his ability. He is the type of person to sit and infodump about his friends.

3) Alistair. Alistair is a comfort character and I’m guilty of creating an oc to ship with him. His romance is amazing, but so is just his friendship. Again, a very loyal friend/lover. His awkward, but witty, banter is charming. I wish bioware made him bisexual, because, uh, come on. Seeing a possible zevristair romance if the player doesnt pursue a route with either of them would be extremely pleasing.

4) Zevran. can you see a trend in extremely loyal companions? Zevran’s romance, like Alistair’s, is entertaining and really worth it. He’s quick-tongued and smart-mouthed, unabashedly bisexual, and a very open person to the people he trusts. He speaks his mind, and stabs with his heart. 

5) Cole. Cole is, deep down to his core, a lover. Not in a sexual or romantic way, though. He was made to love. He loves people, he loves animals, plants, things. He receives nothing in return, but gains immense joy in helping. His backstory is that he manifested specifically to comfort a little boy as he was dying. His human route (the only choice in my mind) is powerful, and while i believe the man deserved to die, Cole sparing him was. powerful. 

6) Merrill. Merrill is sweet, cute, and so very powerful. She could take someone out with a wave of a hand, but she wouldn’t unless she believed they deserved it. She has strong morals, a deep love for her clan, and is incredibly smart. She likes to ramble but is self conscious about people being bored of her. 

7) Sera. She is so passionate about so many things, it’s so hard to dislike her. She would be higher on this list if bioware had written her correctly, though. I would have liked her to feel acceptance of her elven lineage and reconcile with mages. Overcoming her trauma is something i’d love to see her accomplish. She’s funny, smart, and her stubbornness is something i really love about her. She is not afraid to speak what is on her mind, be it negative or positive, her boldness sets her apart from a lot of other companions. Sera is a memorable character who deserved so much better. 

8) Dorian. I love Dorian a lot, I repeatedly have romanced him, but unfortunately, his views on elven oppression are disagreeable. His flirty, charming exposition is one of the biggest things I love about him. He’s smart, funny, and witty, and takes good care of his image. 

9) The Iron Bull. I’ve romanced Bull quite a few times. I love his banter, his friendship with the inquisitor, and his chargers (Krem being my personal favourite). He’s open about his sexuality, suggestive with all his jokes, and willing to teach about his culture. 

10) Fenris. I hate that Fenris is so against mages, but i also understand it. I’m a big advocate for mage rights, yes, but Fenris has experienced such recent and intense trauma administered by a mage, it’s understandable that he’s so wary. He’s closed off at first, gets surprised when Hawke flirts, but as time goes on he gets more and more comfortable with sharing his emotions. I can only hope that Hawke and his friends help Fen overcome his trauma properly, and he can finally find comfort in settling down instead of spending his life running. 

11) This number is going to contain all the companions I don’t have any strong feelings for, in no particular order. I feel no strong negative emotions towards them, but they dont evoke interest in me enough to give them their own paragraphs. Leliana, Wynne, Sten, Shale, Aveline, Bethany, Carver, Sebastian, Isabela, Cassandra, Vivienne. 

12) Morrigan. She is interesting and i enjoy her banter, but I am not particularly attached to her. I think her powers and backstory are cool. That’s about as much as i have to say about her.

13) Anders. I believe Anders was thinking the right thing when he did what he did, but he went about it incredibly poorly. He killed so many innocent people, people who most likely turned to the Chantry as a form of comfort from some trauma in their life. Yes! The Chantry is predatory and oppressive! But killing the people trapped in that oppression was NOT the way to get revenge. If the building was empty, sure. Fuck it. Go ahead. But people were in there. There were most likely KIDS in there. Also, he’s incredibly racist to Fenris, and has admitted he believes Fenris deserves to be abused. 

14) Oghren. I do not like Oghren. He is terribly written, his personality sucks, and his backstory is boring. I’m sorry.

15) Solas. Fuck him, I hate Solas more than I could hate any other character. He’s stupid and irresponsible. The dread wolf chose a terrible fucking champion. Fen’Harel, you dumb bitch, I love you, but FUCK Solas with a serrated knife. I hate his stupid bald head and stupid fucking morals. I am NOT sorry for saying this. 

[vaguely-concerned]

Mass Effect Initiation thoughts

In short: this book is actually really good, N.K. Jemisin is, as we all know, an excellent writer! It’s the story of how Cora met Alec Ryder and joined the Initiative, and it has SO much good good SAM content and I am full of emotions. 

- poor cora is so continually out of her depth, I want to give her a hug. the points made about her in the main game are true though -- she is not ready for leadership yet. (and that’s fine! she does much better with something or someone to belong to and that is so Valid. she’s an honorable Loyal Knight!!! one of the sexiest things to be, as we all know)

I think I’ll actually like her a lot more on this new playthrough now -- she must have been quite hard to write compellingly in the game because at the end of the day she’s really very straightforward and honest and loyal, it’s quite hard to uh ‘hide’ things in her character  

- alec ryder deadass installed an unspeakably illegal (and did I mention experimental?) AI in cora’s head with no informed consent whatsoever. d A D 

(when cora is like ‘are you actually going to another galaxy because they don’t have laws to stop you from committing fully to your craziness in public’ and alec is like *...maybe so meme* fadsfhkj he does literally say ‘this is why I’m going to another galaxy’ out loud at a later point of the book)

- this book is giving me the good good SAM content ;________; I love SAM so much, the scene where cora thinks she’s dying and SAM talks to her? when cora asks SAM if he’s okay being connected to her because if he’s sentient that matters to her (cora is a Good)? SAM explicitly having inherited alec ryder’s sense of humour and sarcasm and alec a) doesn’t know how it happened, b) distantly thinks he should probably track that process down and turn it off (and never does) and c) regrets all his life choices when his robot kid mercilessly snarks at him and questions his life choices? please bioware give me an me:a sequel with more of this stuff I’ll eat it up with a spoon

- body diverse asari! HUGE BUFF ASARI! Short stocky beautiful matriarch asari with one krogan and one turian trophy husband fast asleep in her bed in the background of a vidcall fkdjshfkjsdlhfkjsdah god I love mass effect with my entire heart

- OLD LADY INFORMATION BROKER VOLUS WORKING OUT OF ILLIUM!!!! this is not a drill what the fUCK this is the coolest shit 

- fasdklhfsjkdalfhsdjk okay in Alec Ryder POV: “I don’t think [Cora] likes me very much.” Which probably meant she had good judgement. AFLSKJDHGJSDKF ALEC 

he has a weird flip-flopping sense of self -- he is uncompromisingly (one might even say... astoundingly arrogantly) secure in his own intellectual superiority and that most other people are idiots not to be trusted and that he needs to do things himself because others would mess it up, and yet there’s this clear seam of self loathing around basically everything else about himself too. (You know who he reminds me of, in a more military and less visibly anxious way? Rodney McKay. Alec Ryder is like a slightly unfortunate outcome for a McShep lovechild. I think we just figured out why I have sort of a soft spot for him even though he’s a certifiable dick lol) 

- this book really makes it hit home that cora grew up incredibly isolated and dirt poor. I’ve seen some people say her backstory is all sunshine and daisies compared to kaidan and especially jack’s, but honestly her background is complicated and fucked up enough that I’m just like ‘shit baby :(’ all the time

- well I have successfully solved the puzzle about whether alec ryder is an idealist or not; he absolutely is. a grouchy, bad-tempered one with no people skills, but an idealist nonetheless. alec ryder is in fact a storm of 150000 emotions in a trenchcoat, barely held in check by a thin fragile outer shell of iron lol, SAM was absolutely right to say that he was mostly governed by his feelings. (and I mean if anyone would know it’d be SAM I guess). I found some of it sort of sweet actually: he reflects in passing that one of the biggest reliefs of no longer being in the alliance is that he’ll never have to risk other people’s lives again. he fundamentally wants to build something good to help people live and be happy instead of destroying things. (he also is quite bad at predicting how other people could corrupt and use his innovations precisely to be destructive b/c he doesn’t think that’s the ~*logical*~ thing to do, so... y’know haha, maybe it’s good he went to another galaxy, the milky way could not contain his chaos) 

also he thinks a lot about his wife, even though she’s been dead for years at this point. o u c h (she truly does seem to have been a tether for him in so many ways though -- like a tie to the real world/normalcy/possibly sanity, and that’s a bit how he still evokes her)

additionally: alec ryder did fistfight at the very least one dude in the line of bureaucratic duty, and perhaps more, enough for SAM to have a list of warning signs ready and at hand jdfsklfhasdjf. he did, very much, throw a dude through a table. (at least it’s implied said dude was an asshole) I LOVE that alec’s SAM is  the snarkiest iteration we’ve seen and that he’s perfectly willing to call the old man out on his bullshit (alec stresses that SAM is supposed to do what he says at the end of the day, but his SAM is also less subservient and more willing to argue and discuss things than any other we get to see -- and this is of course the SAM Ryder inherits, but I don’t think SAM is as confident in being able to read the PC correctly until a bit further into the game and the twin is of course a different person who’ll respond to different things so he’s not quite as... blunt? I guess? in confronting them about things. (the whole concept is just! so! interesting!!) anyway I feel like all of this says something about alec’s parenting style, for better or for worse haha. he sort of tries to be authoritarian but his children (well canonically at least Sara, she references having yelled at him a lot over the years) aren’t afraid to fight back or scared of the consequences of disagreeing, so I get the distinct feeling his temper never flared violently like that with his family at all, I think he’s more prone to just pulling away in disapproval.) 

- I enjoy how casually diverse this book is  -- Jemisin has done such a good job making sure especially the human characters are from different backgrounds and places, as they would be lore-wise in the Mass Effect universe, though the games often skew unfortunately white. (andromeda much less so than the trilogy, though)   

- my heart. is so so soft for the fact that a huge reason for cora to join the initiative is how much she bonds with SAM-E. and I am so sad for her because she just wants someone or something who’ll stay, something that won’t disappear on her without closure like her parents; she’s so insecure and scared under her competence (and WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T SHE BE holy shit her parents just. weren’t there one day after she left home so she wouldn’t accidentally crush their ship with her untrained biotics and kill them all). and she chooses alec and his dream. and then alec goes and FUCKING DIES at the first opportunity Y____________Y alternate universe alec please drink your victor sullivan juice and survive, all these dumb children need you  

- I am so surprised about how much fond respect alec seems to have for cora and how quickly he developed it. I suppose he has a harder time with his own children because it’s closer to home? he is a complicated man lol, this last part of the book where he shows her the ark and everything is weirdly sweet. again I think he has the potential to be a good dad somewhere in there and that just makes it so much worse that he wasn’t. (also he staunchly considers himself still a married man. god help me) 

they’ve both grown to honestly love their sams T________T fml. (well alec has sort of bound up all of himself, the things he loves and their future in SAM, so it’s a bit more complicated but my point still stands) alec advocating for a consensual synthesis is very heartfelt and convincing; you really want to believe him.

cora seen through someone else’s eyes is also SO AMAZING!!! after this whole book in her head and she feels so flailing and uncertain and adrift and other people naturally view her completely differently. I especially like alec picking up on her not talking a lot. (I think this is why she responds so well to SAM, who’ll be there always and can be in her head. I wish this part of cora was more evident in the game, the fact that she has this sibling-like connection to SAM seems very important. sequel where both SAM and Ryder grow closer to becoming her actual family? please? I keep begging for ME:A2 into an empty aching void haha) 

- alec ‘I don’t have time to die’ ryder still talking about everyone else being idiots as he’s slowly catching fire while saving SAM fhdjfhsdlfhasdhlfsjd he is an asshole but it is hard not to stan 

- nO SAM-E D:D:D: oh well at least he’s still alive within SAM, in a way?

- hey. hey you know what’s fun. alec tries to use his last words and last thoughts to ask cora to tell the kids about ellen being alive this time too. haha. ha. fuck

he consistently goes out thinking of his family despite all his bullshit and I’m not okay

- CORA IS A PERFECT BODYGUARD/SECOND IN COMMAND AND I’M EMOTIONAL 

- alec is. surprisingly afraid to hurt people emotionally? he keeps putting off telling cora the bad news about SAM-E, to SAM’s stated disapproval lol (I must repeat again: I love SAM so so much). this supports my thesis that in his personal life he’s avoidant rather than confrontational/aggressive. (professionally... again, he did very much throw a man through a table) 

- man I hope we some day get SAM being this comfortably close and sarcastic with Ryder too. thinking about SAM-E and the small differences between him and uh SAM ‘prime’ it really must have been a huge thing for him too to become someone else, especially after the last person died like that. and he kind of has no choice but to experience that loss and death intimately. (now that I think about it that’s. fucked up, man. he literally felt alec go like it happened to himself.) 

If I were to summarize the differences between the SAMs we have seen, cora’s SAM-E seems younger, more exuberant, shyer and more -- what’s a non-shitty word for needy haha? it’s very firmly established that cora longs to feel needed, so this makes perfect sense. alec’s SAM is blunter, snarkier and more prone to questioning things, and hilariously is sort of alec’s emotional intelligence. (probably serves a similar role to what ellen used to, actually. ow) scott/sara’s SAM feels more worried/focused -- which also makes sense; he’s just experienced losing his person/pathfinder, in a real way he’s also recently orphaned and must be Extremely aware that he now has an enormous responsibility, not only what he was built for but for what remains of alec’s family. ...poor SAM 

(come to think of it I guess one vibe I get from in-game SAM is a little bit of ’harried and anxious yet loving and responsible uncle’ hahaha)

- so at this point alec knew cora could never be pathfinder after him, and he never told her. *accumulation of asshole points continues, though I suspect this might have come from a place of not wanting to hurt her again (b/c he’s the only one who has a right to know these important things amirite)* but I’m also strangely touched that the reason he’s hesitant to involve his children in the whole thing isn’t that he doesn’t have faith in them, it’s that he doesn’t want to burden their lives with something so heavy, a burden he created. can you just imagine... if this man had managed to take the time to explain himself, his motivations and his feelings to his children just once. just one fUCKING time. am I laughing am I crying I honestly don’t know

- this book makes me ache all over for the potential of Andromeda. and I don’t think it’s too late to salvage it either. I know a sequel probably won’t happen, at least not any time soon, but... *sits by rainy window like a wife wistfully wondering if her husband will return from sea*

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Four

Wherein we make it to the Citadel, and do a lot of running around.

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

So right away, we meet Udina and the Council, way to throw us right into it.  

It’s a brief introduction and gives us an idea what Humanity is up against and who is representing us.  Basically, we’re supposed to get the idea that it’s a lot of bureaucratic bullshit, I guess.

This is also the first time we see Asari and Salarians, and they’re in reddish-brown and white, which really isn’t the best look.

Bioware continues to push the story forward.  We get enough to know that Udina is kind of an ass, and the Council isn’t going to just trust what some guy says even if he is the representative for billions of people.

And finally, after this, we’re set free.

The Citadel I think is one of the coolest locations in like almost any game I’ve ever played.  They do a great job of both making it feel huge, but also accessible.  Enough bridges to get across to places you need to get to, and after you walk somewhere once, Citadel Rapid Transit is great.  I still choose to take elevators about 80% of the time even when I can CRT somewhere, just because I like the squad conversations and news updates. There’s a shorter elevator rides mod that helps, too.

There’s so much to do and see, and having one of the main areas just be such an awesome combination of scifi futurism and lush greenery + water is both trippy and breathtaking.  I think, especially with the updated graphics mods/settings, the Presidium especially holds up fairly well.  I mean it definitely feels more populated and modern in ME3 but, I just consider this to be more of a residential / professional area of the Presidium and most of what we see in ME3 is a more retail section.

It’d be annoying to be a groundskeeper here, though.  Lots of green areas that you’d really need to climb to, or garden on a steep slant. :p

I always found it interesting that the natural first place to head to is into the ambassador’s office next door, where we find some friendly aliens, and one not-so-friendly one.  But honestly, this is a great place to find out the different ways other species view humanity, and how there’s apparently tiers of respect given to various species.

I always kind of hoped the Elcor would feature more prominently into the world in future games, but at least we got Hamlet.  I have SO MANY QUESTIONS about how Elcor like... do things?  We never see it but you have to assume that their hands have opposable thumbs and they’re able to stand on two legs, right?  I want to see what an Elcor ship looks like and Dakuna specifically.  Give us more elcor, Bioware!

BTW, the Mass Effect: Annihilation (aka the book that was supposed to be based on the Quarian Ark DLC that never happened in Andromeda) is totally worth reading just for the elcor character in it.  It’s also probably the best of the Mass Effect books, in my opinion.

Din Korlack’s got a point though, they not only have to share an office, but their view isn’t nearly as good as the human’s.  This is especially bullshit for the volus, who could stand on that railing and probably STILL wouldn’t have a view.

I love how Mass Effect 2 takes her from a completely forgettable character to making me think  “Sorry you’re gonna die in a few weeks, your mom’s really gonna miss you.” every time I see her.

PALIN DESERVED BETTER.

I don’t remember which ME3 mod it is, maybe the Spectre Expansion Mod or maybe EGM, but thank you whichever modder it was who made Palin’s story and death more clear in ME3.  Sorry Udina got you killed.

Also, it was good to get a dissenting opinion on Spectres from him.

Avina is such a good, optional way to get more loredump.  Yes, you can again ask them about Spectres if you want to hear about them again.  But I liked that each Avina terminal taught you a little more about whatever you were nearby, and the state of the galaxy in general and since they were programmed to be information dumps, it felt more natural to get information this way.

Don’t these people have jobs?

I love the Krogan statue, and the Avina terminal nearby telling you about it.  But now every time I see it, all I can picture is Grunt and his buddies climbing it.  So good.

Managed to get a clean shot of the crew without the UI in the elevator, thanks Flycam!  You have about a half a second to get this shot though, because the camera is stationary while the elevator is not.

Oh hell-lo Pailin, who is your charming-looking friend there?

This entire conversation needs to be longer. It’s a nice, quick introduction to Garrus, but, well, let’s spend a little more time with the main characters!!

I mean how can you not just not immediately love that?  Hey remember how bad Garrus’ face texture used to be?  Thanks, modders.

I just really love the Citadel tower.  Absolutely beautiful and atmospheric.

SO the thing is, if you can pretend that Saren isn’t, you know, already half Reaperized, 100% the Council is right to not just go throwing one of their longer-term agents in jail because Shepard had a bad dream and a random dockworker said the guy who killed Saren looked like this.

Honestly though, this and OH A GOOD CHUNK OF MASS EFFECT 2 would be so much easier if Shepard wore a bodycam. :p

Also, I wonder who took the dockworker’s testimony?  Did Kaidan run back real quick while Shepard was sleeping?

This was an embarrassment for humanity, and I agree with Udina that we needed more to go on before making demands of the council.  The council is right to not convict based off a bad dream Shepard had.  Go get some real proof!  Also, do a bunch of sidequests!

And scan some Keepers for this shady guy!

Which is actually good quest design, because you really have to go to every nook and cranny in the Citadel to find them all, though it would have been nice if they showed up on the minimap.   Really gets you to explore and get to know the area like the back of your hand.

This time around, I forgot to grab the one outside Dr. Michele’s office and had to hunt for it before heading up to grab the last one at the docks.

Thank you, though, Barla Von, for telling us all about the Shadow Broker and telling us about Wrex.  See u in ME3.

Bioware please give us diverse-suited volus in a remaster.  Maybe I’m reusing a pic of Din Korlack, you’ll never know! :p

Thanks, texture modders, for really highlighting what the end of the hanar’s noses look like. 

The hanar are another species I wish we got more of throughout the series.  They are probably the most alien of all the aliens we interact with.   I mean, at least we got Blasto.  I’d really love to visit Kahje someday.  I know it’s in the comics, but you know, in-game.

Annnd let’s go visit Sha'ira.

I have very mixed feelings about Sha'ira.  On one hand, she’s clearly very respected, is probably making bank, in control of her own destiny etc.  On the other hand, she’s probably the asari we have the second most interaction with in this game after Liara, and after just seeing Benezia’s boob-tastic clothing and then heading to Chora’s Den soon to see the dancing asari we’re getting a very slanted view of the species.  I think Bioware course corrects in later games but oof this is such a dude-fantasy alien species in ME1 it hurts.  Especially since Liara is almost a born-sexy-yesterday trope.

Also... don’t touch me if I don’t wanna be touched. =\

Noveria advertisements... that just say Noveria.  I guess this is effective marketing in 2148.

Look how great those shadows from the tree are... actual definition in shadow... wow.

Raise your hand if you’ve missed this conversation in a playthrough before and reloaded like an hour or more past to make sure you get it.

It’s one of those little moments that they didn’t have to put in.  Just a little conversation reflecting on humans and humanity, and our place in the world, and showcasing Ash’s wit and Kaidan’s adorkableness.  Also making sure you appreciate all the work that went into this particular view.  It’s a pause in the action and all the things you have going on, and it’s so great for characterization and making you feel a part of the world.  

Speaking of the view... I decided to flycam it.  Warning, I spoil some of the “magic” below.

Pretty quickly, you see that the arms are actual objects, untextured on the non-visible side.

I decided to head for the closest line of “cars” on the bottom center-left to see what those “cars” looked like.

Flycam feels pretty fast when you’re trying to frame a specific shot just right... but when you need to travel a great distance, it feels verrry slow.

It took me probably close to five minutes of traveling to make it all the way there.

What I discovered was... a few of the buildings are real, the rest are a very good painting.

This is how far away the citadel is from the rest of the map. That grid would be that entire view from outside Dr. Michele’s office all the way to the edge of the shops on the other side, plus some extra.

So both the building that those “cars” (the string of white lights) are coming from and going to are... on the painting.  Neither one are physical objects.

Made some gifs.

You can see the lights moving at a mostly-downward angle, while it looks like they’re just heading south when standing on the Citadel.  Also you can see other lights moving farther up the map.

And here you can see the lights “disappearing behind a building” but they’re really just hitting an invisible wall, the dark angle of that building is just a part of the wall painting.   

Looking up from the wall...

So that was a fun distraction.

Emily Wong deserved:

Better.

An entire shirt.

A mention in ME3 after she gave her life on social media defending Earth against the reapers while keeping her cool reporting on the invasion the day before ME3′s release.

That day before launch though... was amazing.  Bioware did such a great job on social media with the reaper invasion happening on twitter.  I loved that lots of fans got into it, too, posting photoshops and their own reaper invasion stories.  I remember being at work that day but not actually working very much.  A few friends and I had a google hangout going on to report in on anything we saw happening on social media and keep up with it and to be very hyped together online.  

We reblogged a bunch of it on fuckyeahbioware starting about here and working backwards through numbers.  

One of the ME3 mods, and again, sorry, don’t remember which, does give Emily a nice tribute through an email.  She deserves it.

Okay that’s enough for this post!  Will try to finish up the Citadel next time!

[mrs-pissoff]

Your eyes (Reader x Thane)

(the title is pretty much a placeholder because I have no idea what else to call this lmao) 3rd person POV, Reader is referred to as she/her

A/N: So first of all, I usually don't know what the unholy crap I'm doing when it comes to writing. I'm also not a native English speaker. There may be a part 2 coming but I can't promise cuz once I do promise something it's surely not going to happen, ever. Nonetheless, please enjoy.

Introduction: You're whoever you are, and you've joined Shepard's crew aboard the SR-2 to stop the Collectors. You've become something of a close friend to Commander Shepard and may have caught spicy spicy feelings for them. Unfortunately for you, Shepard has eyes for a certain turian vigilante, but hey, this story isn't about them. It's about you and our favorite assassin.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and its characters belong to Bioware.

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An unusual stillness fell over the empty kitchen of the SR-2. The crew were all tucked away in their chambers, resting or talking about the day’s events. Even the lights of the Med Bay were dimmed, indicating that not even Dr. Chakwas was at her station.

She was glad no one could see her in such a state. Puffy eyes, hair and clothes in complete disarray. A mess, really. She didn’t need the looks of pity or the unnecessary and painful question ‘What’s wrong?’. No. She only needed a glass of cold water and some time. Some time to sort things out. Alone. That part was easy at least, since she thought no one knew how she felt. She kept it hidden, locked away. Out of sight, out of mind. Except when the feelings would resurface violently and erupt like a volcano. Like right now.

Head bowed and quietly sobbing into the sink, both hands resting beside the edges of it, she doesn't hear the silent footsteps approaching her. Too preoccupied with her spiraling thoughts of Shepard and her own confusing feelings. The footsteps of the cautiously approaching Thane Krios cease, as he stands frozen in place. The woman before him is the one that judged him for all his wrongdoings the day he stopped his son from stepping on the path of sin. Her once fiery gaze was now drowned in tears, head hung low and heavy with sorrow.

She's been feeling on edge lately, making careful but not very covert snide remarks to Garrus Vakarian and politely pushing away everyone who questioned her sour mood. She only smiled when Shepard asked, the storm clouds hanging over her head evaporating at the sight of the Commander as her face relaxed. And with a beaming gaze and the hint of a smile, she'd tell Shepard how everything was fine and she just needed some rest. That a nap would fix her up. A white lie to avoid worrying the Commander. He saw how her eyes lost their spark and how her legs would carry her around the ship without purpose. Only in battle she seemed alive. A raging whirlwind sweeping through enemies. A most unsettling change in behavior. He knew the reason behind it all.

Suddenly becoming painfully aware of his presence, her head shot up and a startled gasp left her lips. She pushed herself away from the sink in a swift motion and turned her gaze away from him, wiping the tears from her face. Desperately trying to make it seem like they weren't there to begin with.

"Damn, you're quiet. You should make more noise or you’ll give someone a heart attack."

Her tone had a slight bite to it and an uncertain shake she tried to mask. He could still hear it though. This was a moment of weakness she wished no one would witness. Much less him. He knew what she thought about him. She called him a gutless coward and a poor excuse of a father while still wishing him success to save his son, though not for his own sake, but simply because Kolyat deserved better. He had to agree with her, he told himself all of these things and more. It was nothing new. And yet, hearing someone else utter those words aloud cut even deeper. The look she gave him that day sent a jolt of shock down his spine. Her eyes filled with scorching ire, blame and so, so many questions. He felt small even if he was standing taller than her. Even though her mind seemed occupied and uncertain at the moment, he could still sense that she'd have preferred anyone but him finding her like this.

"Are you feeling unwell?"

Of course she did, he thought, but the words left his mouth before he could rephrase the question.

"No."

Her reply came almost too quickly as she washed her tear-stained hands and turned around, ready to leave without drying them. He knew she carried a great many burdens, and not all of them her own. She was much like him, and didn't leave her room frequently to socialize with others, but he knew that Shepard visited her just like the rest of them. Shepard always made sure to check on everyone, to talk to them and ease their solitude, but sometimes people forgot to do the same for the Commander. She didn't. She told him and Vakarian that Shepard had a tendency to hold onto everything, and rather than adding to Shepard's emotional cargo further, she preferred to ask and listen to everything the Commander had to say. No doubt a roundabout way of telling the two to do the same every once in a while. He wondered whether she herself shared her thoughts with anyone.

"If you need someone to talk to-" but he couldn't finish. She looked back at him and began speaking quietly, her tone now withdrawn and empty. 

"Perhaps you should focus your energy on your son to make things right, and mind your own business. I'll do the same as well." Ah, he knew she'd push away, but he still had to ask. He wished she'd at least talk to Shepard, but knew that she won't.

"Sometimes strength isn't about holding our emotions at bay, but sharing our weakness with others, however difficult it may be." His words seemed to catch her attention as she raised one eyebrow at him questioningly.

"True, but I don't see why you would bother."

Her statement was expected. They weren't on the friendliest terms after all. Of course there was no ongoing animosity between them, she simply voiced her opinion of him and they never talked about it anymore. Few words were exchanged between them even before Kolyat's attempt at assassination - aside from the usual pleasantries that is - , even less afterwards. He was aware of her presence and they passed each other aboard the Normandy more than once, but neither spared as much as a second glance. Both too lost in their own thoughts to notice the other. That was until he was caught in her eyes like a trapped varren, desperate to escape. He felt as if he was standing underneath a spotlight, all of his shame on display for everyone to see. It was then and there, where he truly saw her for the first time and began paying more attention to her unconsciously.

On rare occasions when she was having her meals at the same time he was, he'd find himself observing her closely, listening to her talking with others. He'd seen the pang of jealousy in her eyes as Garrus recalled all the time he spent with Shepard years ago and when he would ask specific things about human relationships once he and the Commander became closer. She would deflect his clumsy questions half-heartedly and leave shortly after, her initial friendly disposition towards the turian dissipated and a polite tolerance took its place. Garrus was none the wiser to see this change, such nuance seemed to be lost on him. Perhaps that was for the better. She couldn't blame either of them for falling for each other. Garrus has been there for Shepard for far longer than her.

During shuttle rides Thane could see how she tried to be casual and disciplined while Shepard spoke, careful to contain herself and not let anything slip even if her eyes had a playful and longing glint to them.

He came to adore those eyes. They told him everything she was hiding so carefully. The eyes truly were a window to the soul.

Sometimes he was also lucky enough to catch her in a conversation where she voiced her point of view on certain things, mostly concerning Cerberus whom she did not trust in the slightest. A sentiment many other squadmates shared. Surprisingly, she didn't let her negative opinion extend to Miranda and Jacob, or the rest of the crew wearing Cerberus colors. Short and reserved debates between them were apparently not uncommon. On her better days he could even hear her joking about with Zaeed and Jack. A wide and playful smile spreading on her face with every witty little comment she shared with them.

He's never realized just how aware of her he was until now. He wanted to let her know, but-

"You intrigue me."

The words escaped him once more.

His body tensed as he watched her carefully. Her eyes found the floor as a thoughtful expression crossed her face. She seemed unsure and deep in thought, and he began to wonder whether it was a mistake to speak his mind. A few agonizing seconds later she met his eyes again seemingly ready to respond, but deciding against it in the end. She gave him one last incredulous look before turning around and heading for the elevator without a word, leaving him in the dimly lit kitchen.

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So, here. I hope it was enjoyable? I honestly don’t know how to write Thane so he may be severly OOC. Hopefully not.

It’s just that I’ve been adding more dialogues to the custom Thane follower I have in Skyrim and I got inspired so I was like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever, I’ll post it.

And I already have another scenario running in my head. A possible continuation to this, but this thing took me the better half of today to write. We’ll see. Feel free to let me know what you think.

[taki118]

Fenabela the looked over ship (a DA2 meta)

~~slight TW: mentions of abuse~~

Fenabela is one of those things often pushed to the side in the Dragon Age fandom, I find. Despite being a cannon ship there aren’t many fics or art dedicated to the pair. This is especially noted when compared to Adoribull (and the fact that the personalities of Dorian and Bull parallel Fenris and Isabela)

Now part of this is of course taste, most people having dubbed Isabela their wife or Fenris their husband and disliking pairing them with anyone other than Hawke or shipping with other npcs. To each their own I realize not everyone can multiship.

However I have noted a few general misconceptions or certain readings that get passed around and a few critics on the narrative that really need to addressed.

And I will display and counter these things here so strap in. (Obligatory sex joke)

Before that I want to state it is not my intention to tell anyone what they can and can’t ship. However I have found a good deal of unwarranted hate towards this ship and wish to defend it and explain why one might ship it. I do greatly enjoy this pair but I will do my best to remain objective.

I don’t like the characters

Of course if you don’t like characters involved in a ship you won’t like it. But Fenris and Isabela are often misunderstood or misread so I’ll go over some things for each quickly.

Fenris

Generally speaking Fenris is the fan favorite of DA2 (and I think a surprise one to the BioWare crew as I’m fairly certain they thought Anders would be the most popular).

However if you aren’t a fan of the broody archetype you likely won’t like him at least for half the game, towards the end he grows to be more relaxed and open.

Another general issue with him is his hatred of mages and support of the Chantry. While his feelings are understandable it can get grating. But again this softens as the game goes on if you weren’t an ass to him by the end he is willing to put his own issues to the back to protect mages and even stating he respects Mage Hawke or Bethany indicating mages who prove themselves to be humble and strong willed are able to earn his trust.

Isabela

Now Isabela is, at least I’ve found to be, one of the more polarizing and misunderstood characters in Dragon Age, and as such I’ll do a more in-depth meta on her at a later date. But here are some common things noted in regards to this ship.

People often think Isabela is a selfish bitch who doesn’t care about anyone but herself. However this is only if you don’t learn about her. The best quote I can give is from Act 3 between her and Anders.

Anders: I always knew you had a heart of gold

Isabela: shush don’t tell anyone.

Isabela has lived a life where she was shown that no good deed goes unpunished and as such tries to hide this aspect of herself. You gotta remember the whole reason she did the Qunari job is because she couldn’t go through with bringing slaves to Tevinter and was forced to steal the tome as compensation.

It wasn’t built up/rushed

Now I can’t be certain on this as I obviously don’t work for BioWare but it should be noted that:

1- this was the first time BioWare had a Love Interest romance and likely wasn’t sure about how much they should do. The next one was Talibrations in Mass Effect 3 that had around the same level build up followed by Adoribull that was given more time to develop naturally.

2- It seems like they wanted to do more but with the notorious 2 year time crunch by EA couldn’t. You can see this in the purposely added dialogue for them in dlc

Of course I am only guessing here but given this it sort of makes sense why it is the way it is. they were likely trying to find a balance between believable and non intrusive that was later utilized better in DAI but you gotta start somewhere.

Fenris doesn’t like Isabela or her flirting

I just um ok this is just so wrong I’m sorry I’m trying to be objective and shit but like come on.

So I know the line most go to, to prove this it’s

Fenris: From what I gather, you like a lot of things.

Isabela: Nonsense. But when I see something I like, I go after it.

Fenris: I suggest keeping your distance.

BUT that’s only if Fenris is romancing Hawke if he isn’t the banter is instead

Fenris: From what I gather, you like a lot of things.

Isabela: Nonsense. But when I see something I like, I go after it.

Fenris: Do you intend to go after me, then?

Isabela: Will you take off all that spiky armor you're wearing?

Fenris: It's been known to happen.

That’s a big tone difference isn’t it. In the first version he pushes her away as he’s interested in Hawke currently but in the second he’s flirting right back.

While yes in Act 1 he’s unsure and unused to her flirting but by Act 2 he’s willingly playing along. I mean he wouldn’t offer to play “Guess the color of my underclothes” with her if he didn’t enjoy it. It’s a safe way for Fenris to explore his sexuality and the only reason he tells her to back off at that time is because he’s serious about pursuing Hawke.

And no matter what Fenris respects her if only for one thing

Fenris: So you freed a group of slaves?

Isabela: Would-be slaves. They weren't slaves yet.

Fenris: Still, you did the right thing. Many would turn a blind eye.

Isabela: Don't read too much into it, all right? It just seemed a good idea at the time.

Like fundamentally I don’t think Fenris can hate someone who freed slaves.

It’s toxic/just about sex

I feel like this is more a jab at Isabela but again it’s over simplifying her character. Because here’s the thing most people over look when saying this ship is toxic for Fenris cause he’s a sexual abuse survivor ISABELA IS ONE TOO.

Isabela doesn’t really talk of her past much but from the dialogue given in game and tie in material we do know that

- her husband Louis purchased her from her mother young in the 10-13 age range

- he likely intended to groom her to be his perfect bride what with the lessons, gifts and such

- he forced himself on her and when isabela rebelled against him it’s implied he either did or was going to allow his friends to do so as well. To again let me reiterate a girl young enough to be his daughter.

Regardless of what exactly happened this did effect Isabela just in a different way. Isabela took autonomy of her body back once he was dead. Look some survivors of traumatic experiences are terrified of ever encountering it again but others continuously face the action head on to refuse it power, both are valid ways to deal with it. One is just less noticeable/sympathetic.

This line of thinking also ignores that literally the first intimate thing Fenris does when he enters a relationship with Hawke is have sex. They don’t ease into it just bam sex, but I have yet to see a Fenhawke is toxic hot take. which I mean I could make easily. Don’t believe me?

In the act 2 romance scene Fenris is angry, raw and emotional and taking it out on Hawke verbally before psychically pushing Hawke against a wall. when Fenris realizes what he’s done and pulls back Hawke immediately kisses him and they have sex. I could say Hawke took advantage of Fenris in his emotional state for their own sexual gratification. I don’t actually believe that but I could claim it. if you’re thinking that’s insane, you are correct but that’s the point it is very easy to twist things to fit a narrative if you really want to.

Now you might be thinking “Well it’s different Isabela just wants to use Fenris for sex” and if you think sex is just sex with Isabela you haven’t been paying attention.

Again I’ll go more into this with my isabela meta but to her sex is safe, it can’t hurt her but people can so she keeps them at arms length. With sex she can get the pyshical closeness she craves while keeping her feelings locked away in one night stands/flings. So the fact that she WANTS to continue seeing Fenris almost immediately after their first tour below deck is telling. And the fact he wants to continue just as much shows the relationship is as much his choice as it is hers.

And speaking of sex...

the memory plot hole

The main confusion I see people have with this ship is the Fenris gets memories after sex bit. And I get why it’s kinda vague but let me assure you it’s not a plot hole.

When you romance Fenris in Act 2 he leaves after having sex with Hawke due to memories returning and being unable to handle them. The confusion I see is often “so what sex with Hawke was so good it gave Fenris memories but not Isabela?” Or “why is it only Hawke?” The answer, it’s just a matter of timing.

The scene in question with Hawke only takes place in Act 2 but Fenris and Isabela don’t hook up until Act 3 and those three years in between make all the difference.

Act 2 Fenris has been free from Danarious(I will not spell his name right sorry) for at least 6 years but he’s still controlled by the man. He’s pissed at the lack of leads and when he gets one demands you go after it immediately and will straight up leave the party if you take too long. The reason is twofold he wants revenge and he’s afraid.

Fenris has only just started to carve out a life for himself in Kirkwall but he’s terrified that whatever life he has there will be torn away by Darnarious. Cause it’s happened before. So when he engages with Hawke and he’s flooded with these mostly happy memories it’s too much. He can’t handle it, at that time.

In just three years Fenris becomes a much more open and relaxed person. by Act 3 he has weekly card nights with Varric and Donnic, willingly helps Aveline and is even more relaxed about mages. The idea that he once had a life and a family before Danarious and that he can have one now isn’t as daunting or impossible to him as it was in Act 2.

It’s not that he doesn’t get the memories when sleeping with Isabela it’s only that he’s now in a place where he can handle them. Had Hawke the option to tell Fenris to take things slow in Act 2 the pair likely would not have separated. However that’s not what happened Fenris thought that he could handle it but couldn’t as he was in Act 2.

Don’t believe well Fenris himself says so to Hawke in Act 3 when asked why he left.

Fenris: the pain, the memories it brought up... it was too much. I was coward. If I could go back I would stay.

I’m not surprised people either missed or didn’t pick on this bit it happens late in the game and it is entirely possible to miss this branch of dialogue but it’s there and confirms what I stated. It’s not a plot hole only a matter of timing. Hawke had bad timing Isabela didn’t.

By Act 3 he’s in a better place mentally and is able to feel okay with the memories, with intimacy and with the idea of having a life. Whether or not Fenris and Isabela are serious about the relationship is irrelevant (though I head cannon they tell themselves it’s just a fling only to still be together years later) it’s the fact that he feels he can engage in this fashion with someone that’s important.

It should have been Isabela x Merrill

Now I can’t argue with people’s taste that’s ridiculous and I can see the appeal they’re cute. However it’s not something they could simply put in the game like Fenabela.

Let me explain. The reason it works in DA2 is cause it’s a light, flirty and fun type relationship and even if you don’t ship it, the idea is easy to chew off. If you play through their romances the idea that the two characters with huge trusts issues hooking up for fun isn’t that hard to buy.

Merrill however would require more than a couple teasing lines of dialogue. The reason being her romance plot.

The first thing Merrill says after having sex with Hawke is “I love you” if you don’t think Isabela would freak out at that and jump on the first boat she could find I don’t know but I’d like to hear your reasoning.

It takes Isabela a long ass time to be ok with saying and being told that with Hawke. It’s a big part of her romance arc.

Sooooo if one were to play through both their romances then play a game where they got together off screen it would require more dialogue than what Fenabela got otherwise it’d be a far bigger plot hole issue as the pair do not move at the same emotional speed.

Like I can’t see Merrill being into having a casual fling even by Act 3 and I can’t see Isabela being ok with a serious relationship either without a good deal of added dialogue and scenes.

Now this one is the most subjective part of the meta, I’m well aware, but with how BioWare handles their side romances Isabela x Merrill just could not be folded into the narrative as easily as Fenabela and likely would have been too intrusive for those uninterested in side romances.

So we’ve covered the main misconceptions and complaints on the ship. now to get into why Fenabela does work, and why people like this ship.

Their romances parallel each other

Something I noticed about the Kirkwall crew (and I might make a meta on it damn I got so many things to write) is that they each parallel and reflect each other (which is one of the reasons I dislike the Sebastian addition cause he kinda screws it up)

Aveline and Varric:

- Both are non romanceable

- Need Hawkes help to sort out their personal lives

- Both thrive in the friendship Hawke gives them

Merrill and Anders:

- both thirsty AF for Hawke and immediately move in

- both have blinders on in regards to their goals and ideals, Merrill with the mirror and Anders with well you know

- this also causes problems for both in their relationships with Hawke

So then we have Fenris and Isabela

- both wear a mask of indifference in Act 1 that is peeled away by Hawke in Act 3

- both runaway/try to distance themselves from Hawke and their relationship in Act 2 only to renew it in Act 3

- and both NEED to feel they can trust Hawke in order to move forward

Now unlike Merrill and Anders who’s conflict with Hawke is mostly situational (ie were it not for the mirror and being in Kirkwall aka mage torture capital of the free marches, there would be no problem) Fenris and Isabela’s conflicts are purely emotional and an emotion they share

Leading us to

They are damaged in similar ways

The main conflicts in their romances is fear.

A fear of happiness and a fear of love.

They both think that if they were to get that which they desire most they’d lose it or it’d be used against them or most of all they aren’t deserving of it and will never receive it.

And this is entirely because of what happened to them in life prior to arriving in Kirkwall.

They lived lives where love and happiness were things that could be used against them. A weakness to exploit or a reward to be taken away. So it makes sense that for their romance arcs they have to have trust to believe this love and happiness with Hawke is worth the risk.

So it’s safe to say that we’re they not romanced by Hawke it’s only natural they’d be drawn to one another. We often look for similarities in our partners sometimes it’s in appearance, others it’s values but for them it’d be their shared pain and fear.

Hawke: you’re not afraid of being hurt you’re afraid of hurting someone else

Isabela: no I look it isn’t like that it’s just easier this way

Isabela: you were right. I wasn’t afraid of love I was afraid of being loved.

Fenris: I killed them all

Hawke: why would you do such a thing?

Fenris: I felt it inevitable. My master had returned and this...this fantasy life was over.

Fenris: I’m sorry. All I ever wanted was to be happy...just for a little while. Forgive me.

Its why they are implied to have a more casual relationship in Act 3 than they would with Hawke. Hawke doesn’t have the same issues with intimacy as they do thus would take longer. And there is an appeal to the idea of two people finding comfort and support in one another even if it’s only temporary.

Isabela = fog warriors

So this is something I literally just noticed as I was working on this meta but um the Fog Warriors who helped Fenris after he first was free of Danarious whom he speaks of fondly greatly resemble Isabela at least in the traits he describes that he seems to find the most appealing.

Fenris: I had grown fond of the rebels. They bowed to no master and fought for their freedom.

Fenris: I had only been with them a few months but in that time I had felt I truly lived. They were bold, strong, free with their affections. I was in awe of them.

Like let’s take what he says here out of context for a second.

He says he was in awe and felt truly alive with someone who was

- bold - strong - free with affection - rebellious

- defiant - strong sense of freedom

That kinda describes Isabelas base personality perfectly. I can’t state that this was intentional or even if Fenris was aware but it’s not a long shot to say that Fenris would be drawn and attracted to people like this for this reason.

Their banter is cute

I mean I know it’s subjective but they do have some great back and forth and if you enjoy flirty snarky people it opens up some great opportunities in fan fiction and such. Characters who play well off each other are always more desirable and they got a great wise guy/straight man thing going.

They spend more time than we know together

A thing that can be overlooked easily it that each act has about 3 years in between them making the total run in the game about 9 years. We know from banter that the various characters interact with each other regularly regardless of whether or not Hawke is there. (Something I wish they could do more if EA got their heads out of their asses and gave us re release!)

Anyway we know from these brief moments that

- Fenris lets isabela visit the mansion

- isabela helps him out from time to time

- she’s one of the few people who’s opinion on mages he considers

- they play cards and/or make bets with each other

- they interact enough that Varric takes notice in the MOA dlc

it’s again something that’s fun to play with in fiction.

To summarize

- it’s not toxic

- they like interacting with one another

- there is no plot hole

- it’s not just about sex

- they were the easiest to pair up on the side

- they parallel each other

- share similar fears and traumas

- their personalities are fun to play with for fans

Fenabela really does not deserve the hate or lack of care it gets from the fandom. It’s the story of two damaged people finding support in one another if only for a short time and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying that.

Again I’m not saying this ship is better than any other, I’m not trying to get you to jump ship all this meta is here for is to clear up some misconceptions and unwarranted hate, and bring some much needed spot light to this ship that is often overlooked.

Anyway I want to thank anyone who read through this whole thing for their time and if you’d like to discuss any points here with me please reblog with “makers breath” first and I’ll 100% be up for talking (if you didn’t bother to read and just want to rant at me I will ignore it) I plan on making more of these as well as finishing fics but this topic has weighed on me for some time.

[visionmarred-archive]

For characters meme: Morrigan, Zevran and a DA companion of your choice.

thank you!! :D

Morrigan

How I feel about this character

Witch wife!!! One of my oldest faves in the series - probably second person to be my favorite? Snarky and beautiful. And at the risk of being controversial, by far the easiest companion in Origins to raise approval with.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

The Warden! My own Sidane Amell romances her, and sometimes I ship my Leeva Mahariel with her? Also a fan of Leliana/Morrigan too.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

The Warden, if unromanced, and Leliana. She and Zevran make delightful snark friends too and I love it. MORRIGAN AND STEN. Morrigan and Kieran! Still haven’t played Inquisition, but I love her as a mom already.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I haven’t seen it in a long time but I’m sure people still think of her as heartless and awful, right? We just couldn’t leave that in 2009? She’s a wonderful character and not nearly as heartless as she’d like people to think.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Make her bi, gosh darn it. Let me kiss her as a female Warden. Morrigan isn’t straight and I’m offended that BioWare thinks she is.

Zevran

How I feel about this character

ORIGINAL HUSBAND. I first saw my mom playing the game when I was 12ish, and she was showing me the game and party members - love at first sight when I saw Zevran and half the reason I got into the game was to romance him. No regrets, he’s still one of my favorite characters by far and his romance is absolutely my favorite in Origins. I love him. Did I mention I love him? I love him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

THE WARDEN. The Warden. The Waaaaaaaaarden. My own OCs that romance him are Ramori Surana, Perry Amell, and Leeva Mahariel, and tbh probably more someday bc I love the man so much. Rinna/Zevran/Taliesen when I feel like being sad about bird husband. Zevran/Isabela sometimes?

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Zevran and the Warden! Zevran and Leliana. Zevran and Alistair. Zevran and Oghren good grief. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

I thought it was funny when I was little but now that I’m older, I’m really not amused by his flirting with Wynne anymore? The only thing I’d be critical of with him tbh.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

That BioWare didn’t forget he existed after DA2 and also that they didn’t make his face look like that in DA2. Also, fix that bug where he still propositions Hawke even if he’s dating the Warden!

Companion of choice: I’m gonna be super controversial and pick

Loghain

How I feel about this character

Mixed bag. He’s done some truly awful things, but he did them with good intentions and I do believe he earnestly desires to atone for his wrong-doings if he’s made a Warden. Needs to sit down and shut up and respect elves. A problematic fave. I recruit him 9 times out of 10 because I like having faves that the fandom hates.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

The Warden sometimes? I shipped my old Aeducan with him lol. Loghain/Celia! Someday I’ll read the books and probably get into Loghain/Maric and/or Loghain/Rowan.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Loghain and Maric! Loghain and Anora! Loghain and calling out Eamon for his awfulness. Loghain and having a dog.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Thinking he’s not a horrible monster probably counts as one. :P I actually completely get why he leaves Cailan and the Wardens and doesn’t trust the offer of Orlesian help, since, if I recall correctly, that’s exactly what Orlesians do to take over lands - offer help, then take advantage and step in. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

The slavery thing not happening would be pretty nice, since it feels entirely out of left field for the guy who saw Ferelden get enslaved by Orlais (and has already done enough things to make the player hate him by that point), but alrighty, BioWare. Failing that, actually acknowledging that horrible thing he did to the Alienage and attempting to make it right.

[juleshawke]

Chapters: 93/? Fandom: Mass Effect Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Female Shepard/James Vega Characters: Female Shepard (Mass Effect), James Vega, Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Kaidan Alenko, Garrus Vakarian, David Anderson, Steven Hackett Additional Tags: Romance, Sexual Tension, Science Fiction, War Summary:

He'd worshiped her from afar, always wanted the chance to say hello, maybe to serve under her. Then his mission had gone horribly wrong and he blamed her, resented her for it. Or did he. James Vega finds himself in a position he never expected and has to come to terms with his own pain and doubt. Bioware owns all thing Mass Effect, I'm just playing in their sandbox.

Have a snippet -

He needed to focus on their situation and trust Stokes to get out and get help. Moving back to Shepard he sat and lifted her head into his lap, stroking her hair, devastated when it came away under his fingers where it had been scorched. He looked at his hands, red with blood, her blood. Inhaling sharply he looked at Kaidan, hunched over and protecting them all, a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. Shepard would kill him if anything happened to the man they both considered their closest friend.

'How are you doing, Kaidan?'

'Managing.' He closed his eyes and shifted his fingers slightly. 'Let's hope help arrives soon.'

'Garrus, you good?' He pulled a ration bar from his pocket as he spoke and went to move Shepard's head but Garrus stopped him.

'Yeah, although I'd love a beer right now.' He huffed out a laugh, taking the ration bar and sliding to Kaidan who bit into the bar as he held it up.

'Drinks are on me when we get out of here.' Shepard deserved a happy ending, a good life with no more fighting. 'I think we deserve a fucking party. You hear that Lola, we have a party to organise.'

'Hopefully without clones this time.' Garrus settled on the other side of Shepard once Kaidan finished eating and gently lifted her hand into his, 'Not ready for that bar in the sky yet, Shepard, so you'd better wake up.'

Useless. It ate at him, dragged up memories of his mother. He'd been useless then too, unable to save her, useless against his father who saw him only as his next fix. He'd done amazing things, saved lives, fought the enemy. It didn't matter. Right then he could do nothing to help the woman he loved or the man he thought of as a brother.

Time passed. No matter how many times he looked at his omnitool it didn't move any faster. If the coms weren't working Stokes would have to get out of the tunnels, hope there were still people alive and bring them back to help. Reigler and his team had got out before them so there was a good chance he could find them. If they hadn't been buried alive and he didn't have to fight off Reaper troops. Doing it alone … he really didn't want to think about it.

That's assuming he got all the way out, which he guessed he had because he hadn't come back, and there had been no obvious collapse of debris. Then it all revolved around the Citadel being intact enough for him to find survivors, there could be open space on the other side of the rubble. He scoffed at himself, if there was they wouldn't be sitting here waiting, they'd have been long dead. The frustration of not knowing sent his thoughts into a spiral of what ifs.

James jumped as Garrus lifted his rifle and he followed his lead. Someone or something crawled towards them through the hole. They were well and truly fucked if it was the enemy.

[thejourneymaninn]

What are your top 5 DA ships and can you tell me why?

Hi there :) Ok, thiswas a tough one…so here it goes:

1) Fenders

Ok, this one’s easy, Fenders is my all-time favourite DA ship. Both characters mean a lotto me, and I love what they could be together. They truly are more alike thanthey think; there is just so much potential.They have a lot in common, not just when it comes to similarities in theirrespective pasts, they also have similar struggles with self-worth, a desperateneed to be loved (while at the same time being afraid of it); they both feelvery deeply, are stubborn and blunt to the point of being rude and althoughthey express it in different ways, even their sense of humour is similar. In away, they are both giant dorks. They could have a lot of fun together, and Ifeel the parallels in their backgrounds could help them understand each otherin a unique way – if they manage toactually listen to each other. Because yeah, their in-game relationship is(mostly) horrible; they start off on the wrong foot, and it only goes downhillfrom there. While there are some banters where one of them tries to reach out,they keep misinterpreting each other’s intentions, until they are so set intheir ways that there’s more or less nothing left but lashing out. Some oftheir behaviour makes sense for theircharacters/situation, but in many cases, Bioware played it up to ridiculousextremes, to the point where it’s rivalry at all costs, with the two of them beingreduced to mouthpieces for Templars/mages. Which is extremely frustratingconsidering the story spans over seven years (you know, general “let’s pitoppressed people against each other” frustration aside). I find it very hard tobelieve that in all that time, they never manage to have even one non-hostile,genuine conversation. They could have done so much more with these two; there’sso much wasted potential, and I love exploring all the ways things could have gone. I love charactersovercoming differences, realizing misconceptions and how much they have incommon, and one of my favourite things istheir bantering dynamic intact but turned affectionate, still poking each otherwith dry humour and fond teasing. Also, thesetwo teaming up would be a nightmare for their friends - they’d be unstoppable.

2) Fenhawke

Funnily enough, as much as I love Fenders, I didn’t evenconsider it as a pairing the first time I played DA2; I completely fell in lovewith the Fenhawke romance. I don’t read that much fic about it these days, butit’s still a close second. Seeing Fenris heal and grow, taking back his life -there’s a power to it that I just can’t resist, and the dynamic with a Hawkewho truly supports him, listens to him and takes him seriously is simplybeautiful. I love the way he reacts to Hawke, his shy little giggles and jokes, how he comes to trust Hawkedespite never having known friendship or love – and most of all, I love that heallows himself the time to heal. I know some people dislike the three-yearbreak in the relationship, and the distress he’s in after his memories cameback truly is hard to watch, but that he takes a step back and says “no, thisis too fast, I’m not ready for this” is actually one of my favourite things aboutit. I also really like that he doesn’t immediately move in with Hawke, becauseas beautiful as the romance is, they are some “you are my only friend and themost important thing in my life” tendencies in the dialogue that have thepotential to be really unhealthy, which makes the fact that he has come tovalue his independence enough to realize that and try to take precautions especiallyimportant to me. Also, the fucking puppy eyes. They shouldn’t be so effective,but the way he looks at Hawke, his face is just so expressive…there’s just somethingabout Fenris that makes me want to see him happy and loved.

3) Merribela

I just love their dynamic, everything about their banter,from Isabela teaching Merrill cheatingand body shots to Merrill’s excited questions about Isabela’s life as a pirate,and I love that Isabela is so protective of Merrill, but that she is alsopretty much the only companion whorespects her and realizes how smart and capable she is. They have such abeautiful relationship, and I really wish Bioware had made them canon. I knowthere’s Carver/Merrill and Fenris/Isabela instead, and I actually do reallylike those pairings too, but there’s something about Isabela and Merrill thatjust really stands out to me. Both of them are such wonderful, complexcharacters, and both tend to be underappreciated by their friends; Isabela isconsidered selfish and shallow, while Merrill gets waved off as naïve andstupid, none of which is even remotely true. But Merrill and Isabela supporteach other, without judgement, and cometo understand each other despite coming from very different backgrounds. I justwant them to see them together, happy and in love, sailing away and shankingpeople.

4) Handers

I am not that fondof the in-game version of the romance, mainly because it’s pretty obvious Biowaretried to frame it as a tragedy - which to be clear, I don’t think it is at all.As far as I’m concerned, the fact that Anders has his own convictions and goalsand Hawke is not always his numberone priority is what makes it one of the best romances there is; it’s notsomething Anders needs to apologise for,it’s exactly how it should be. I also firmly support the Chantry boom, and needlessto say, any Hawke I ship with Anders is fiercely,uncompromisingly pro-mage and would have gladly blown up the chantrythemselves. And I just love Anders realising that, that Hawke truly supportshim, that they will stay with him - he can’t believe it at first and it’s so heartbreaking, but it also makes it all the morebeautiful when it turns out that yes, he is loved, he does deserve it, mages are people, they deserve to be free andsomeone believes in that as fiercely as he does. So I might not be that happywith how the romance is treated in game (among other things, Anders doesn’teven get an endgame kiss unless you rivalmancehim, which: no, absolutely not), but when it comes to fics, I loverevolutionary couple Anders and Hawke running off together, freeing mages and giving the Chantry all the middlefingers, because Anders was right, and he deserves to be loved by someone whowholeheartedly, 100% supports his cause.

5) Zevran x Warden

Turns out the top four were pretty easy, but I really hadtrouble deciding on the fifth. There was some strong competition, in particular, Isabela/Hawke or Leliana/Warden,but I’m gonna go with Zevran/Warden here because as my very first DA romance, Zevranwill always hold a special place in my heart. While I generally prefer theatmosphere and group dynamic of DA2, I absolutely adore his character andromance arc, and I just want him to be happy, travelling/livingwith the warden, murdering crows, knowing he is loved.

[depizan]

SWTOR for the ask

Yep, that got long...

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Not counting my own, I assume. Well...I really like most of the female companions, actually. Of those that I trust wouldn’t put interesting substances in my drink, Elara is probably the most well rounded. The male companions somehow don’t stand out as much (except when it’s in a bad way), but I do like Vector a lot. And Blizz. And there are some better done NPCs...oddly, most of them spies.

Least Favorite character: Hmm...Skadge or Space Voldemort? That’s a tough call. They both seem like escapees from particularly unpleasant tabletop roleplaying games. Just Skadge is a player’s terrible character and Space Voldemort is the GM’s terrible GMPC. Skadge is more pointless, but also more avoidable, while Space Voldemort at least has plot (even if it’s badly written), but is completely unavoidable unless you avoid the expansions entirely. Which might be a good plan, anyway.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): I haven’t played all of the romances (most of the romances?), but... Elara/Trooper is well done, and so, though I’m not quite sure I’d call it a romance, is Kaliyo/Agent (though, as Kaliyo is VERY CLEARLY BI, she should’ve been romanceable by f!Agents as well.) Uh... I’ve read some fanfic with other acceptable romances, even some I don’t like in game. (And haven’t played the other romances I’ve heard will not make me wonder if the galaxy has restraining orders.)

Character I find most attractive: Again, not counting my own, I assume. Hmm... I don’t know. Again, it’s a galaxy with a tendency toward aesthetically pleasing people. Maybe Kira? ???

Character I would marry: N/A

Character I would be best friends with: I don’t know. Most of the non-dangerous, non-let-me-get-my-mace companions seem like they’d be cool to hang out with. And I’d like to think I’d get on with at least some of my own characters.

a random thought: Please, Bioware, give us the option to turn off your horrible graphics update so I can actually play the game again. Please? The pre-KoFEET character models aren’t detailed enough for the wrinkle invasion not to be thoroughly uncanny valley. At least to me. It borders on that horrible old animation style with the live lips. Only with wrinkles. (And, yeah, with the right body types, species, or makeup, it works fine. Sadly, none of those are of help to me.)

An unpopular opinion: I can think of at least two popular male companions that strike me as less romantic and more “please get off my ship now.” I also dearly wish they hadn’t gone all anime ages on a lot of the companions. It makes their backstories hurt my brain. Then there’s that little problem of the Republic NPCs tending to be staggeringly incompetent and/or prone to random and inexplicable bouts of evil and somehow none of this has any of the fallout it seems like it really, really should. No, the Republic doesn’t need to be perfect shiny good, but half the time it’s such a mess that I can’t work out how anyone in universe could possibly not notice. Like, the people in the Empire notice the evil, they just don’t see it as evil, or think it’s necessary. Over in the Republic it’s like...has your drinking water all gone bad??? Though, actually, hell let’s go for the big unpopular opinion - I don’t actually like the Charcoal Gray/Black morality. I’d rather shift the entire morality up several notches and have neither the Republic nor the Empire be as terrible as they are in game. And then stick with the Cold War premise. That was interesting and different. And sustainable as a game setting.

my canon OTP: Uh... Mako/Torian? Trooper/Elara? Kaliyo/mayhem? Or does this mean my canon specifically? Because my canon and game canon are not entirely the same thing.

Non-canon OTP: Or does this mean my canon? Though the only romantic OTP in my own canon is Mako/Savler. (Yeah, if Havoc Squad ever makes an appearance, Tevin and Elara are a thing, but that’s even more background.)

most badass character: I think Jace Malcom might get the most epic non-Force User bit in the trailers. In game...I’m not sure. (And, of course, in the tie-ins there’s Theron I-Inexplicably-Take-Out-Sith-Lords Shan.)

pairing I am not a fan of: Oh dear. Well...some of the pairings I generally don’t like have been done well in people’s fanfic. I’m still not sure what the hell Bioware was thinking with some of them, but... That said, I have no idea if either DS!Jaesa/SW or Agent/Hunter can somehow be redeemed in fic because I am not touching either with a ten foot pole. Whatever floats other people’s boats and all, but they can have those boats aaaaall to themselves.

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Everyone in KoFEET? Setting that aside... General Garza should not have been giving highly illegal and evil orders. WTF, writers? She can be a Did What I Had to Do sort without resorting to that. Take a look at the writing for Keeper, then keep in mind that Garza is in the Republic, and adjust accordingly. Governor Saresh. Have her be being a hardass about the reconstruction of her own planet, not a rakghoul infested cesspit that’s been abandoned for centuries. Boom. Reasonable character. Too many of the characters on Coruscant to go into here. Not so sure you should’ve gone for the whole Depraved Bisexual thing with Hunter, especially considering the reveal. For that matter did the unnecessary and illogical Imperial baddie in the Smuggler story need to be making rape threats? (Did he even need to exist? Signs point to no.) While on that topic, Rogun the Butcher’s Heel Face Turn makes slightly less than no sense and he would’ve been a perfectly acceptable actual bad guy. Again, the whole Dubrillion thing with Risha feels tacked on and wrong. Did anyone’s characterization make much sense past a certain point in the Bounty Hunter story? Please, someone instruct General Failfish, I mean Var Suthra in the fine art of how top secret things should work and also in the concept of background checks. The list goes on.

favourite friendship: Uh... setting aside my own characters... I really, really like Vector’s friendship with a male Agent. It is just wonderfully supportive and neat. (And rare in fiction.) Havoc Squad comes together rather well. If you excise a certain person, so does the Bounty Hunter’s crew. The Jedi Knight and Kira can also have a really good friendship. And, oddly enough, so can Vette and a f!Sith Warrior. (Possibly a m!Sith Warrior, but I don’t know how that is exactly in game, having not played one.)

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: I think I’ll second your idea that we save Vette from the Empire.

[spiralatlas]

PAX Australia 2017 Day 3

There are no notes for Day 2 because I spent it socialising a little and sleeping a lot.

Queer Coded: A History of LGBTQIA+ Gaming

David Gaider Q&A

Brian Fairbanks Talks about Addressing Accessibility Through Game Design

Misc: I spent a chunk of the day in the diversity lounge which was fun. I met some great people at the Gender Diverse card game, and got to the semi finals of the Xena Nintendo 64 Fighting Game Tournament (there were only three rounds, but given how much I suck at fighting games this was still a happy surprise, and a sign of what a random button masher the game is)

The gender neutral toilets near the diversity lounge were very well done, unlike GCAP the original signs weren't visible and "with stalls/urinals" was in small letters like an afterthought.

I didn't break anything on Day 3 but did break a mug the next morning. Also the cinema in the Crown Casino is surprisingly inaccessible.

Despite the various mishaps I had a great time and will definitely come again next time we can afford it.

Queer Coded: A History of LGBTQIA+ Gaming

I missed the second half of this to see David Gaider, feeling very annoyed at the programmer.

Anny Sims @ChattyAnny on twitter (I was too slow to get the others!) Keely Thirkell Hayley Williams Soap Pejovic

Most queer characters are just queer coded, with plausible deniability. "It's up to you".Tendency for queer characters to be villains. Indie games tend to be more queer friendly than AAA games.

Lesbians: First known queer character in games: 1986 Moonmist had side-character who was a lesbian murderer.

Other notable lesbian characters:

KOTOR 2003, Juhani, first queer Star Wars character

Gone Home 2013

Dragon Age Inquisition Sera (I thought Sam Traynor from Mass Effect 3 came first?)

Tracer from Overwatch 2016

Trans characters:

1988 Birdo from Super Mario Brothers 2 "A male who believes he is female"

Lots of others but all terrible. Jokes and villains. Trans women seen as threat. Poison from Final Fight 1989, "so you can hit a woman".

Krem DAI 2014 trans man, You can't go "Ok, cool".

Hainly Adams MEA 2017 trans woman. Tells you her deadname, this was patched.

Horizon: Zero Dawn 2017 trans man

Dream Daddy 2017 trans man. One throw away line about wearing a binder, had to be clarified by writers. Non binary people and cosplayers wear binders too!

How do you make it clear they're trans without them implausibly outing themselves or just having it be word of god?

Gay men:

1993 fmv Dracula Unleashed has speaking role

Tended to be background characters, jokes and villains again. No m/m relationships shown onscreen.

Dreamfall: the Longest Journey 2006 (not made super clear until 2015)

Steve Cortez Mass Effect 3 2012

Dorian DAI 2014

Dorian knew exactly what his sexuality was. Coming of age narratives get boring.

Bi Characters (no picture because they're invisible):

1993 Ultima 7 part 2 bi character propositions character regardless of gender.

"Slutty bisexuals". A lot of characters are playersexual and it never comes up outside the relationship.

Zevran DAO 2009

Borderlands 2009

Fable 2004 let player be bi, Fable 2 2008 added bi PCs

Playersexual:

Only queer in the context that they will date players of both genders, but you don't see that unless you play as both.

Dragon Age 2 2011, Anders only mentions his ex-boyfriend if you play as a male PC

Fallout 4 2015. Did have background queer characters.

Stardew Valley 2016

Non Binary:

1995 Chrono Trigger villain

Often robots, aliens or other non human

Frisk Undertale 2015

Life is Strange 2015

Zer0 Borderlands 2 2012

Turing Read Only Memories

Some games let you have gender neutral pronouns.

David Gaider Q&A

1999 Working on Balder's Gate 2, didn't talk about his sexuality at work. Figured he would always be writing stories for straight people.

He was shocked to hear Jade Empire was having same sex romance. Got to be lead writer on DAO after that. "So I can put same sex romances in, right?". More economical to have bi romances, but he would have been happier having some gay characters.

Feeling iffy about playersexuality after DA2, he asked for 2 straight, 2 bi, 2 gay for DAI. "Minority content" is weighed via the percentage of those who play it and those who appreciate it. Eg 5% play dwarves but most see it as a positive thing to be able to do.

Most of his time was spent on the actual plot but Dorian was the most personal writing.

He was targeted by Gamergate but it doesn't compare to, for example, how much Jennifer Helper was targeted.

10 years on Dragon Age was enough, his head would explode if he had to write another story about templars and mages.

How did you get the job: His story is very specific. He was managing a hotel and a comic book artist in his spare time. A friend was a character artist at Bioware but Gaider wasn't really aware of the specifics. Bioware told their employees "If you know anyone who does game related writing let us know", the friend gave them Gaider's LARP rule book without asking. Got a call, gave the stories he wrote in highschool, got offered a job. He said no, it didn't pay enough, but then he got fired from the hotel. It felt like a sign.  

Who do you think will take the romance torch from Bioware: he’s not sure they're giving it up? EA treats romance fans as a reliable audience who don't need to be advertised to, even though it's why a lot of people play in his experience (though obviously those are the kinds of fans he will tend to meet). There is an underserved audience.

Most proud of: Lots of stuff he's not proud of. Wishes he'd been more involved in community discussions early on. Proud that the team tackled issues as they started arising. Proud of the company for standing by them. Most proud of Dragon Age 2 despite the mixed response. They had very little time to create it. It’s like a very big first draft. They had a plan but didn't get to compare notes once things were written, so he had to trust the team would stick to plan as much as they could despite things being cut on the fly. Team said they were happy in a post-game survey, didn't feel he was too dictatorial.

What does your writing look like, a screenplay? A cutscene does. But it’s generally structured like a tree that expands and then contracts back to the core path before expanding again. Flow charts.

Favourite relationship in a game? Morden in Mass Effect. Cried more than in a movie. Tali was his space girlfriend. Of the ones he's worked on, Morrigan will always be closest. She represents Dragon Age to him. Joyous time working with Claudia Black, first celebrity he'd worked with. Flemeth was originally Arabic, but that actress couldn't do it so they got Kate Mulgrew. They stopped looking for an Arabic actress for Morrigan and looked for someone who matched Kate Mulgrew. Claudia Black's audition tape was her reading Smack That like a beat poet. Gaider was very nervous, he'd never spoken to any actor before. First rule he was told was don't compare them to another celebrity, so naturally he said "I had Helena Bonham Carter in mind when I wrote Morrigan". Claudia Black said "So you're saying I'm a cheap Helena Bonham Carter ;D". She would say "Does he want me to do it more like Helena?" during recording.

Has being so closely associated with diversity had downsides? He may be gay but he's still white and a dude. He feels like it's all he talks about conventions sometimes. Teams need to sit down and look at what they've made. Lot of things made individually without concern for the bigger picture eg only 15% speaking roles in DAI were female until they stopped and looked at it and fixed it.  

"We didn't think about it" is no longer a defense. He wants to help with that, but we should be helping other marginalised voices get into the industry and amplifying their voices.

Wishes it could just be expected and we didn't have to discuss it.

He likes dating sim mechanics in the context of a larger story. But he does like the idea of romance not being as tertiary as it's been in Bioware games, romance as part of the adventure eg a romantic adventure. He's not really interested in social sims or day to day relationships. "My idea of a spicy relationship is to have my life threatened."

Why do you think most AAA companies try to avoid discussions of lgbt stuff, why is it taking so long? Because it's Pandora's Box. There is more being added casually. But if they do nothing they get lumped in with the rest of the industry. As soon as they do anything there are 2 sides: 1. why are you doing this, you're politicising your game. 2. Why aren't you doing more, whatever you did is wrong and not good enough.

Not that flawed attempts should be above criticism. But by mostly focusing criticism on the games that did anything rather than nothing, people have increased the feeling that it's Pandoras box. He understands that it feels like those developers might listen to criticism but the dynamic is sending the wrong lesson.

My question: How do you think inclusion of non binary player characters can work with including gay and lesbian love interests instead of just having playsexuality? “We've thought about it”. He defined playersexual for audience, like Shroedinger's sexuality. He doesn't like it when the only way to have something show up is to have the character talk about it. eg asexual: character would have to sit you down and explain what asexuality is. Is unsexy as a feature. Explaining nuances of sexuality is off putting. If there was more nuance across the industry that would mean no one game has to do everything. Any one game can have only so much within it.

(This doesn't actually answer my question. I discussed it with my husband afterwards and even he didn't understand what I was asking, so I may have garbled it in my nervousness)

Are some choices "canon"? One of the features of Mass Effect and Dragon Age was the continuity of choices. No "canon" but there is a default. A lot of people feel like they have to play the whole series to get the full experience, was off putting, and he found the Keep a nightmare as a writer.

They had editors keeping track of which choices were incompatible. And that was just the third game. "Can you imagine for a fourth game? Phew! Not my problem :D"

Have you thought about the morals of gamifying romance, saying what people want to hear to get sex? Dragon Age didn't work that way, sex was not at the end. Some characters in DAI had no sex scenes, sex is optional for Dorian's romance. It's a game, everything is gamified, you can't simulate actual relationships. For proper reactivity you’d have to mark every response and keep track of inconsistency, but that’s too much work. Same with polyamory: too many variables!

Maybe get away from the approval system? Pay more attention to overall choices in major quests etc instead of individual lines.

Bi characters in DAI were bi from the start. Not the first thing that comes up during character creation eg Dorian started out as "the good Tevinter". Helps avoid too many assumptions based on sexuality. But once characters started solidifying they would think about who worked for what sexualities. There's no set way to write someone "as" bi, but the writer can have them talk about relevant things in other scenes. Sera's writer is a straight dude, he didn't want to write About The Lesbian Experience, and got lesbians in the company to check out what he was writing.

Have relationships gotten more or less complicated? In Balder's gate 2 there was a single sequence of romance scenes which you could get kicked off. Dragon Age had approval. If it gets complicated but the player can't see it or understand how reactions relate to their previous actions it just seems random or predetermined. Unless they say "I am angry at you because of X", but noone says that.

Brian Fairbanks Talks about Addressing Accessibility Through Game Design

lostandhound1 on twitter

His notes.

He's not blind himself, and while he obviously cares a lot about accessibility had an unfortunate tendency to treat disabled people as a separate, if respected, "Other" to himself and the audience, even though I was right there in a bright red mobility scooter. He advocated person first language, "a person with blindness" etc, but not all disabled people like it and it shouldn't be presented as unambiguous best practice. I'm building up the energy to talk to him about it.

He's a sound designer.

Audio games: designed for people with a vision disability.

Audio game jam: the games tended to be about blindness as a bad thing. It felt victimising.

How can we make people feel powerful?

He was inspired by his dog's amazing sense of smell. The mechanic is that you follow an invisible trail using sound cues, a humming noise that gets louder and quieter.

Sighted people struggle with extracting information from sound. The game is more difficult for sighted people.

He had to add fruit on the ground as an accessibility measure for sighted people.

All music is diegetic: happening inside the world of the game, eg characters are singing.

There's a lack of much budget for audio games, since they're never going to make much money.

In 30 years current 30-something gamers will need accessible games.

Accessibility tends to be added as an afterthought or accident.

For example Pokemon has unique sounds for materials, collisions, monsters that accidentally make it accessible.

Sony reader: US only

Microsoft narrator: good but hard to use as a developer

EA: Proactively adding blind accessibility

Fighting games are often in stereo, blind players can play and even win tournaments.

Demand more from your games.

Developers: find a consultant. Address accessibility early.

It's about empathy. People with disability deserve the same stories to take part in as everyone else.

gameaccessibilityguidelines.com

daisyalesoundworks

binaural sound is going to make a big difference

audiogames.net: where blind gamers go to play games. They're supportive if you ask for advice and feedback.

People don't mind if you don't do immersive, game specific voices and just rely on the screenreader

Sound designers need more love to make VR accessible.  

Braille games?? He doesn't know much about it.

Curb cut effect examples: curb cuts for wheelchairs but also useful for prams etc. Subtitles. Think about short term problems that benefit from accessibility as well eg the screen is broken, there's sunlight on the screen etc.  

Sounds of a blind person navigating their desktop. To me it sounds like a mangled garble of little bursts of cut off computer speech, here’s a description of what’s going on.