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antisocial-socialbutterfly · 9 months ago

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Make sure to read trigger warning guys ⚠️

The ability to write about a topic this heavy with so much care and emotion. I absolutely adore 💕

Pairing : Dad!Changbin x F!Reader TW : angst ; talk of child loss ; reader is pregnant ; guilt ; anger ; reader has the baby (non-descriptive) ; postpartum depression ; paranormal experience ; happy ending because they deserve it ; (I know these TW's are all over the place, but trust me it makes sense I hope) ; Word Count : 2.6k Request : I feel like part 2 is needed for Changbin, he deserves it, reader deserves it.

The two lines faded into view on the little white stick, but instead of that feeling of excitement that most women would get when finding out something like this, you were filled with guilt. The therapist that you and Changbin had been going to for this had told you that over time, the feeling of guilt would go away and that the two of you would even begin to actively try having a baby again. The both of you were highly doubtful about that.

To be entirely honest, it’s been almost 4 whole years since you and Changbin had tried for a baby, and it’s not like the two of you were trying for one now. Things had gotten… sloppy during a night of drinking, celebrating your 6 year anniversary does that to people, and now here you were, sitting on the edge of the bathtub trying not to cry.

It felt wrong to be having another baby, it felt wrong to even attempt to be happy about it. It wasn’t just the guilt though, it was fear. Fear of the unknown outcome of this pregnancy. Would this baby make it, or would you and Changbin go through 9 months of dreams and planning and hope and excitement just to have this child taken away from you too? It was absolutely terrifying, and you didn’t know how or even if you should tell Changbin, not wanting to get his hopes up either.

///

“It’s a girl!” “Your pregnancy is progressing well, your daughter is healthy.” “Your due date is October 14th! We’re coming right up on it!” All of these things you had heard before, but you refused to let yourself get excited. Now, as you sat in the waiting room where expectant mothers sat with their husbands or their boyfriends, smiles on all their faces, you could only feel sadness.

It was a conundrum to be quite honest. You felt awful for having another baby, you felt guilty, like you were replacing the daughter that you had lost. With all of that, you also felt bad for this new baby, this little girl that didn’t know the pain that you and Changbin had gone through, yet her arrival wasn’t looked at in the same light as your other daughters. That made you feel even more guilty because it wasn’t this baby’s fault, it wasn’t anyone's fault.

“The due dates are the same…” Changbin whispered to you as his thumb brushed along your tense knuckles. The irony of both girls sharing the same due date was scary, downright terrifying. It almost felt like an omen, or a way for the universe to preemptively prepare you for another loss. “She’s our little rainbow baby. She’s coming on her sister's birthday so that we won’t be sad every year.”

You weren’t sure how Changbin could still be so optimistic. Maybe he was just trying to cheer you up so that you wouldn’t worry so much, but it seemed like he was happier than you were at the announcement of your pregnancy. He was ready to start this next chapter in your life, and you were still hung up on the pages from 3 chapters ago. “It doesn’t seem right. Why… Why would she decide to come on her sister’s birthday? How am I supposed to be happy and celebrate the life of another child on the day that we lost our girl? I just… It feels wrong, Bin…”

It’s not that Changbin didn’t understand, he fully grasped what you meant. Deep down he was suffering with guilt, but he knew that it would be unfair to his second child to treat her any differently just because of the loss of his first daughter. “Baby, it wasn’t her decision on when to come. She might come earlier, she might come later. But her birth will never overshadow Chonsa. We can celebrate the both of them if she does decide to come on Chonsas birthday.” But even that felt wrong, everything about this pregnancy felt wrong even though things were going perfectly fine. “Maybe… Maybe this is what Chonsa wanted… So that you wouldn’t be sad anymore. So that day wouldn’t be one where you spent all day crying again. Maybe-”

“Stop… Seriously, Changbin.” You mumbled, biting the insides of your cheeks as you averted your eyes, looking anywhere but at him so that he wouldn’t see you getting teared up. “You know I don’t like talking about that… I just want to get this appointment over with and go home, okay?” So he went quiet, nodding his head as he squeezed your hand. He was trying, he was doing his best. You had both gone through the same thing, but you were both handling it in very different ways.

///

“Baby, you need to eat. Please… You’re worrying me…” Changbins voice was riddled with worry as he stood outside the bedroom door. You hadn’t left the room since you’d been home from the hospital after delivering your daughter, and what scared Changbin even more was the fact that you hadn’t even held her. As soon as you walked through the front door, you had grabbed Chonsas urn from the mantle and gone straight into your bedroom, refusing to leave for anyone or anything. It had been 2 days since then and Changbin was beginning to panic. “Ssoni needs you… I need you… We need you… Y/N, please…”

Something loud thudded against the bedroom door, causing Changbin to jump back as he held Ssoni closer to his chest. “Leave me alone, Changbin! You finally got your baby, let me just stay in here with mine!” You screamed, and there wasn’t more than a second of silence before your sobs were heard through the door.

This was expected, the doctors had all talked to you and Changbin about the possibility of depression after having another baby, especially considering what had happened the first time. The only thing is that Changbin hadn’t realized just how bad it could get. “Fine… If that’s what you want to do, fine. Just… please, eat something.” Begging hadn’t worked yesterday or the day before though, so he knew that begging today wouldn’t work either, but it was worth a shot.

There was no response, only the continued sound of your crying, and Changbin felt absolutely helpless. You didn’t want to be near him, you didn’t want to be near the baby. He had called the guys to ask them what to do, he had called the doctors to see if there was anything he could do. All of them said to just give you a little bit of time right now, and if you weren’t starting to get better in a week that he should take you somewhere to get help, but that in itself felt wrong. Of course you’d be upset, and he knew that you had a lot of questions, questions that nobody had an answer to. He had those questions too, but right now, he had to push all of his feelings aside so that he could be there for Ssoni, so he could try to be there for you.

Each hour that passed had Changbin panicking more and more, and it only got worse once you went silent. He’d press his ear against the door, straining to hear the sound of your fast paced breaths that would indicate that you were sleeping. God, how he missed sleeping beside you, holding you close against his chest, your hair tickling his nose whenever you’d move the slightest bit. He missed the smell of your shampoo, the way you’d steal all the blankets on the coldest mornings, the way you smacked your lips whenever you rolled over. He missed being able to just be with you, but it seemed like the sight of him and the sight of Ssoni only irritated you more.

“Postpartum depression. It’s not rare, it’s actually quite common. In her case, we have to remember that Y/N has gone through more than what most mothers have gone through. She’s lost a child, and her emotions are very clearly still strongly affecting her. Now, with her hormones out of balance after just having another daughter, her emotions are only going to be stronger. I’m sure that it doesn’t make matters better considering your daughter was born only a day after the loss of your first daughter. She might have mood swings, she might sleep more or less, she might not want to even interact with the new baby. There’s a lot of symptoms that come along with PPD, but they should subside within a week or two, and if they don’t, we can set her up with a therapist, or prescribe her some sort of hormonal medication to balance out the hormones. For now, I suggest just looking out for her, taking care of her in a way that won’t upset her. We don’t want to overwhelm her, and we surely don’t want to force her to do anything. Just give her time and space, and I’m sure that she’ll be fine.”

Changbin hated the fact that you were suffering silently, the fact that he couldn’t do anything this time because you didn’t want his help. It was the waiting game, and he tried to keep the doctors updated daily, hoping that they’d give him something different that he could try to do to get you out of the room, but they’d just say the same exact thing each time. How much longer was he going to have to have to wait? How much longer was too long? His heart was breaking. He finally had the family that he felt was stolen from him 3 years ago, and now you didn’t want any part of it. Was he never meant to be truly happy?

///

“Momma! Dadda!!” Ssoni called from her bedroom, her shrieking voice jolting you from your slumber. You sat straight up in your bed, shaking Changbin from his even deeper sleep before kicking the blankets from off your legs and getting out of bed. “Momma!!!” Ssoni called again, and this time Changbin was jumping up out of the bed, his eyes not even open as he ran to the door and out into the hallway with you following close behind.

“What’s the matter, honeybear?” Changbin groggily asked, the bright lights that had been turned on in her room were practically blinding after stepping out of the darkness of your own bedroom. Your daughter, who had been standing in the middle of the room, clinging tightly onto her stuffed bear, ran over to Changbin and lifted her arms, demanding to be picked up. “Did you have a bad dream?” He questioned, brushing his fingers through your daughter's curly hair.

“Nuh uh!” Your daughter's head shook quickly before she pointed into the corner of her room. “Dere’s a girl! She over dere!” Panic set in almost immediately, as it would with any parent, especially the parent of a famous child that was known around the world. Her tiny finger continued to point into the corner, and what was worse was the fact that she was basically pointing at her closet. It was big enough for anyone to hide in, so you quickly grabbed your daughter out of Changbins arms and went back into your own bedroom.

Changbin returned quickly, and the panic that was once written across his features was gone now, replaced only with confusion as he looked between you and his daughter that laid underneath the blankets in the middle of the middle. “Honeybear…” Changbin murmured, climbing into the bed beside her and brushing her hair away from her face. “Are you sure you weren’t just having a bad dream? There’s no one there…”

Ssoni sighed loudly, her tiny bottom lip booting out as her face scrunched up. “Yes! Dere was a girl! She say… She want to see me! She say she love me!” You and Changbin looked at each other with narrowed eyes as you both listened to your daughter rant. “She say… She my big sister… Her name… Chonsa? Yeah! Chonsa!” Ssoni nodded her head just to ascertain that the name she said was correct, but it felt like the air had been knocked from your chest as you listened to your 5 and a half year old daughter say the name.

Neither you, nor Changbin had ever told her about her sister, she was far too young to understand. The two of you never even brought up your daughter around Ssoni, not wanting to answer any questions that she might have because you both knew the topic wasn’t one that she would grasp. “Did she… Did she say anything else, honeybear?” You asked, trying not to get choked up already, and you could see in the low light of the moon cascading across the room the glistening of Changbins eyes.

“She say you and dadda don’t have be sad no more… Cause she love you too… And she say… She say it not you fault…” Ssoni said it so lightly, as if recounting a simple conversation with a friend. She didn’t know that what she was saying had you swallowing back tears and clenching your teeth to hold back the sobs that were building in your throat. “She say dat she hear dadda talk to her evy night… And dat she miss you too… And she say dat she here all time… And dat she keep me safe… And she send me for you to not be sad no more…” Ssoni shrugged before nesling deeper into the pillows between you and Changbin, her childlike mind oblivious to the way you and Changbin were both silently crying. “I sleepy now… I go sleep here.” She muttered, pulling the blankets up higher around her body.

It was hard to fall asleep, almost impossible, so you and Changbin both laid quietly beside your daughter until you were sure she was fully asleep before slipping out of the bedroom and going to the living room. “She wouldn’t know that… She wouldn’t know any of that… Bin… How does she know that?” You gasped out, falling against Changbins shoulder and he immediately held you close, his body trembling with shaky breaths.

“I don’t know… But… She knows… She… She knows a lot… And I think maybe it’s time to tell her about her sister… Just a little bit. It’s clear that… Chonsa visits her…” You sighed softly. This type of thing wasn’t something that you believed in, not because it didn’t seem true, it’s just that you slept easier thinking that it was fake. Now, with everything that happened tonight, everything that Ssoni had said, you couldn’t not believe it. “She’s still here with us… She’ll always be here with us… And it’s nice to know that Ssoni was sent to us by our little angel… She doesn’t want us to be sad… And she knows we love her… She knows…”

You nodded your head along with his words, tears finally slipping down your cheeks. It felt bittersweet, it felt like you had just finished an entire story, one that had more heartbreak, more sorrow than you could ever imagine. You were finally picking up the next book in the series, and this one was lighter, happier. There was no more sadness, there were no more tears to be shed as you flipped through the pages of life. You had both your little girls with you, one was an angel, and the other was sent by that angel so that you wouldn’t have to feel sadness, so you wouldn’t have to feel that loss. You were happy, Changbin was happy, and you both felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. The weight of loss, grief, guilt… It had all been washed away. You had each other, and you had been given back the chance to be parents to your beautiful little girl once more.

A/N : Putting this at the end so I don't spoil the ending! I know that the whole ending is strange, and I know a lot of people don't believe in stuff like that. It's loosely based off of a personal experience though from when my own mom went through something like this with my baby brother who passed away, and my other younger brother who was about 5 at the time would talk to my baby brother and play with him. So it wasn't just some "gotta tie things together" ending. I was planning on it ending like that from the beginning. They needed closure.

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#All mothers who relate to this deserve the world #I will fight anyone who says otherwise #The dynamic of a supportive partner through it all >>>#Binnie our sweet husband and dad

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jilixthinker · 10 months ago

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SKZ AS SUBS - HYUNG LINE 🥀

as the self-proclaimed sub!skz ambassador, i felt the need to share my version to the internet just because this was boiling inside of my brain for too long, so... i am sorry ♡

(also a big thank you to my bub @straykeedz for listening to my rants at 2 a.m. ❤️‍🩹)

content warning: smut, sub!skz, dom!fem reader, unprotected sex, mention of subspace, edging, overstimulation, orgasm denial, spanking, mommy kink, praise kink, oral fixation, cross dressing, pet play, sexting, pegging, free use, mention of somnophilia, mirror sex

HYUNG LINE MAKNAE LINE

➛ Bang Chan

- sweet baby channie is 100% good boy, and he will do anything in the world to please you;

- wants to be your own fuckdoll and pleads to be used just for your pleasure. edging? yes ma'am. overstimulation? another big yes! he would satisfy every little kink of yours just to see you getting off because of him;

- service top !!! he has a great stamina and would go on for hours, fighting against every impending orgasm to make you enjoy sex as long as he can;

- he worships you. like a lot. he would call you his goddess, his princess, his angel, his light. he is a sucker for prasing you and your body;

- ... and he is also a sucker for being praised. call him your good pup or good boy to see his pretty face all flushed and his thrusts become erratic;

- he is into orgasm denial for sure, because it means he can please you more and see your face fall apart under him;

- soft grunts while he gently pounds into you;

- he probably has a daddy/mommy kink, but he likes to be called daddy just because he enjoys being slightly degraded by you. "Daddy wants to make mommy cum? But mommy is not done using daddy yet".

- "please please please please PLEASE". and "am I doing good enough?"

- if you spank his butt he will lose his mind and whine a lot, but he has the cutest voice when fucked up, so... why not?

- prefers staying on top of you because he doesn't want you to move one single finger and enjoys feeling like a big sized dildo for you;

- "Oh God, baby, b-baby. Can you let me cum? Are you letting me cum inside of your pussy? I don't... I don't d-deserve it".

➛ Lee Know

- minho is a fucking TEASE. 101% brat material;

- will answer back every single time and won't take a punishment without grunting and cursing;

- he will start arguments just because he is bored and you can swear to god he is the most annoying and restless thing on earth. it's not clear if he does it just for fun or if he enjoys the after treatment, but be ready to stuff his mouth full with something - a shirt, a sheet, his own underwear - because he won't shut the fuck up for one second;

-he becomes pliant just after you spanked him so much that he cums untouched on the mattress, face all flushed and drool over his chin;

- he secretly has a praise kink but he will never admit it. you just know because the only way to stop his trantrum is to remember him that you want him to be your pretty toy, your good boy to play with;

- drooly. leaky. just wet all the time;

- oral fixation. he will suck anything you present in front of his pretty mouth. your tongue, your tits, your pussy, your fingers, your strap;

- enjoys pain as long as paired with you sweet tone while you twist his nipples in between your fingers or gently scratch his balls with your pretty nails;

- after you tame him, he becomes almost non verbal and he falls quickly into his subspace. He enjoys being called pretty things while you ride him and milk him dry;

- "Uh, ah mmh, nffgh- uhh", that's all you are gonna hear from him;

- wants to be played with after he cums and loves to hear you calling him your little pretty boy after he drove you crazy the entire time.

➛ Changbin

- sub enthusiast agenda at its finest !! binnie is just so happy to be there for you that he could jump from excitement;

- the most obedient boy ever. not whiney, not sobbing, just pure and honest happiness everytime you are intimate;

- def into cross-dressing as in pink fluffy sweaters, cute aprons and lacey panties. he doesn't steal from you though! he politely asks if he can borrow some of your clothes, sending cute texts while you are at work. you spoil him by buying several matching sets for every occasion and he just beams;

- i can see binnie being into soft pet play. all of him is soft either and, of course, you are never harsh with him. he likes being addressed as a cute little puppy, being petted and fed from your hands while he gently humps your leg until he cums with a loving moan;

- similarly to chan, he loves being good for you, but binnie never gets desperate about it because he knows that he is the best boy. he enjoys the praise because he loves feeling pampered, but he doesn't crave it as much as chan since he is very confident about it;

- he smiles a lot. you give him a slow handjob? he smiles. you suck him sloppily? he smiles. you fuck him or you let him fuck you? he always smiles. he is the actual embodiment of the sun itself. he enjoys being your sub more than anything in the world;

- not embarassed to ask you anything. he will talk to you about every little kink and scene he wants to try and he is super vocal about it!!;

- very very loud. he has the loveliest grunts in the world and, since he's not shy, he will let you know exactly how he is feeling. "Ah, baby- feels so good. So good, so warm. Please let me cum, I've been so good to you. You're too tight, it's unreal".

- he loves to be pegged. honestly, he will ask you after a couple of months just to be sure you know each other for a sufficient amount of time. once you reassure him that you would love to try with him, he will kiss you all over to thank you. his moans while you pound gently into him and look at his pink rim engulfing your strap are enough to convince you that you should be doing this more often;

- he will sext and send nudes a lot, so... be prepared to see his chubby rosey cock appearing a lot on your phone screen;

- "Baby, I love you, I love you, I love you I - ungghh - love y-you";

- he cums a lot and he has a decent stamina. but he will make sure that you are fully satisfied before asking you if he can keep thrusting even if he already came;

➛ Hyunjin

- pillow princess. do we have to add something else? i don't think so;

- he is your baby, and wants to be treated like one. his submissive side is not just sexually oriented, it's more like his way of seeing your relationship dynamics;

- wants you to feed him and dress him and tell him he is the prettiest boy you've ever seen. it's the truth, and you will learn that you love pampering him till the end of your days;

- whiny? bratty? sobbing? screaming? requesting? yes. all of it. hyune is not an easy sub and taking care of him requests a lot of time and effort, but seeing him under you, all open and stretched and flushed is the best reward you could wish for;

- despite all of this, he is very romantic. he will make sure to kiss you a lot and tell you that he loves you so much several times a day;

- he is very open to the idea of free use, even if he is not properly active. as long as he feels nice and you are milking him good, he is more than okay to be used as you please, even during his sleep;

- the filthiest mouth. he knows that you won't deny him anything in the entire world and that you love hearing his voice, and he uses it to his own advantage;

- "Wanna be sucked, baby, wanna feel your lips around me. Let me feel good, let me cum in your mouth. And then fuck me and let me cum in your pussy too. You know I deserve it, right?";

- mirror sex is probably his biggest turn-on. he will convince you to fill your shared bedroom with mirrors until every wall has a reflective surface on it. he will look at his own fucked up face while you have your way with him and he cums hard every single time;

- likes to be pretty, of course. he will send you tons of artsy nudes while he wraps a hand around his leaky cock and spurts hot cum all over the red corset he put on for you;

- "can you fuck me to sleep? wanna be held by you".

taglist: @jisunglyricist @hannahhhhs-things @hyuniehwa @changisworld @hyunjinhoexxx @yoobears @rockstrhanji @yongboks-stuff @taliavaleska @hw4-l1z @4-chan-inpadella @k-cock @biglipsfattits @vanillacupcakefrosting @simpity-wimpity

if you see your name in bold, it means that I couldn't tag you!

©️ jilixthinker, 2024. please do not copy, translate, or republish my works anywhere.

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jeonginsleftcheek · 5 months ago

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Seasons with you

pairing: changbin x gn!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, friends to lovers au

word count: 5.0k

warnings: vague descriptions of anxiety, insecurities, depression, abusive exes (not physically), lots of metaphors, they're in love your honor!

a/n: okay this might be one of my favorite fics i ever wrote, i got so emotional and sappy while writing it (i cried aksksll) and i hope y'all love this as much as i love it🥹🩷 binnie deserves the world and so do you, reader💕

(the book i'm referencing in my fic is called 'my name is memory' by ann brashares)

~check out my: Masterlist

🌸SPRING🌸

It is a known fact that everything comes alive with the arrival of spring. The sun rises earlier in the morning, illuminating the trees and the flowers, uncovering new sights to be seen, ones that were blanketed by the darkness of the night before.

The first drops of dew are heavy on a small leaf, making it bend but never break as they slide down to the grass, all the way into the earth below, satiating it's thirst, kissing the roots buried deep.

It's silly to think so, but you kind of relate to the little leaf as you sit on your picnic blanket and stare at it. You always bend to other people's will, always put yourself in the second place, forgetting about your own needs, telling them and yourself that it's fine and you're fine just like this. You bend and bend, and you wonder how much longer you can bend without breaking.

Sometimes you're the little drop in the sea of other drops, invisible and unremarkable, existing just to serve some higher purpose, to feed the earth and disappear like you never even existed before.

Thoughts like this plague your mind often times, especially on a beautiful day like this, when the sun is shining high in the sky, revealing all the colors of pretty flowers that bloomed in the grass, the clouds that look like cotton candy, so fluffy you wish you could bite into them and taste the sweetness of sugar.

The serenity and the beauty around you only feed into the sorrowful black hole inside you that grows bigger and bigger each time you give a piece of yourself and get nothing in return.

Everything comes alive with the arrival of spring, and you hope that this spring you will come alive too, blossom with all the pretty flowers, be one of them and not just a disregardable little leaf.

You wouldn't dream of being the sun itself, when that title is already taken, saved in your heart for your best friend Changbin. The one who is as warm and bright as the sun itself that you're sure the flowers bloom whenever he passes by them. They bask in his incadescence, seeking his light just like you do, but you would never ask for too much, never say it out loud, never bother him with the darkest parts of you in fear of dimming his brightness.

You have no idea that you don't even need to ask, Changbin would reach up and pluck the stars out of the sky only for you, just so he can see that beautiful smile you give him as he approaches you. And as much as he loves the smile that dances on your lips, he can't help but notice every time that it doesn't reach your eyes.

You hide, but the eyes are a mirror to the soul and the dark hole that grows inside you is reflected in your gaze, making Changbin wish he could reach in and touch your soul, illuminate the darkest parts of you. Where you see yourself as the insignificant leaf, he sees you as the most beautiful flower, too delicate to be plucked out roughly like you were before when uncaring hands wrapped around you. Where you see yourself as a little droplet, disappearing and forgettable, he sees you as the water giving life to everything and everyone you come in touch with, the love you carry inside your heart for others quenching their thirst as you scatter parts of yourself all around.

You wave at him, your other hand coming up to shield your eyes from the rays of sun peeking through the leaves as they start rustling. The wind is picking up and your eyes fall to the flowers swaying in the field and then back to your friend's fluffy hair, swaying in unison with the flowers.

Changbin waves back at you, a smile so big on his face that you wish it was all yours, you wish you could be selfish like that and keep him all to yourself, but you can't.

"You left without me."- he pouts as he sits next to you, placing the basket he brought next to his legs.

"Sorry, I peeked into your room and you were still asleep. I didn't want to wake you."- you say, placing your book aside as Changbin opens up the basket.

"Brought you apples."- he says, knowing it was your favorite thing to eat early in the morning. "I washed them, too!"- he adds as he hands you one and you chuckle.

"Thanks, Binnie."- you smile and bite into the apple. It's the perfect sour and refreshing taste sprinkling on your tongue and waking you up a little, spreading through your body.

"Are you still reading that book about soulmates?"- Changbin asks, getting more comfortable on the blanket as he chews on an apple too, the crunchy sounds filling your ears, melting together with the birds singing in the tree above you.

"Yes well, it's the third time I'm reading it actually."

"Doesn't it have a sad ending?"- he asks, tilting his head to look at you as you stare ahead, counting how many red flowers you can see in front of you. Sometimes counting stuff like that calms you down and you do it almost subconsciously, listening to what Changbin is talking about at the same time.

"Not everything is meant to have a happy ending."- you sigh, he reads between the lines. You're referring to yourself, he knows it as well as you do and it's like a thorn in his heart, piercing through the muscle, making him bleed red, red like the flowers you're tallying up.

"Maybe the journey should be appreciated more than just wanting to skip to an ending. Be it happy or sad."- he smiles and you chuckle at his words, the warmness of the sun on your legs is nothing compared to the warmness Changbin envelopes your heart with.

"Maybe."- you shrug, your apathy deeply rooted inside you, you're stubborn like a child and you can't or maybe don't want to let the sunshine in.

🌸

Today must be a special day, a day filled with warmth and laughter. You don't remember the last time you had this much fun, the last time you were this carefree, finally forgetting about what you have to do and who wants to tear away another piece of you.

There's a fair in town, one that has been a constant in your lives, you attended it every year, ever since you were kids when your mothers had to hold your hands and warn you not to wander too far. You never missed a year and this one was probably your favorite.

The only thoughts in your head are Changbin and how you had to try so hard to resist kissing him all over his face when he picked up a kalimba from one of the stands and started playing a random melody on it.

He looked so gleeful like he was that child again, your best friend, who grew up with you and who you grew to love more than yourself, so irresistible and loveable to you. He focused on the instrument in his hands and you didn't want to shatter the sweet moment even though he wasn't even hitting any of the notes right.

"I'll get it for you."- you say when he finally looks up at you, his eyes are shiny as he smiles.

"Really?!"- he asks excitedly and you nod, thinking nothing of it, it wasn't something very expensive and you didn't mind buying him a gift he liked but to Changbin it meant so much more.

After all, he still has the pretty rock you found on the beach when you were 9 and gave it to him as a present, claiming you were sure that it was the prettiest one and that he deserves to have it.

"I swear I'll learn to play it."- he says after you pay for it, making you laugh.

"I'm expecting a full concert."- you tease, wiggling your eyebrows.

"With an encore!"- he adds, both of you giggling as you stroll together, your shoulders brushing occasionally, making your heart skip a beat or two.

You browse through many stands and both of you get hungry, stomach growling and legs cramping from all the walking. You decide to get some dessert, pancakes with ice cream, and you sit on one of the benches, the view of people eating, laughing and talking with their loved ones before you.

Changbin notices pretty flowers right there next to him and he gently plucks one out. You look at him and he smiles at you, like you're the most beautiful of them all as his hand reaches towards you and places the flower in your hair.

"What is that for?"- you chuckle, your cheeks warm and you almost bring your hand up to touch them, but you're balancing the ice cream pancake in your lap, you don't want it to fall and make a mess of your clothes and the floor.

"Looks prettier there."- he says and your breath is caught in your throat.

He means the flower, not you, it's not you, it's never you, that is what you think.

You don't say anything, you look back at your food and Changbin deflates, wishing he could find a delicate way to yell out how beautiful you are, how precious your heart is and how rare a soul like yours is. He wishes to do so quietly, so you don't get scared and run off like a vunerable animal that jumps at any loud sound.

You feel down suddenly, but Changbin doesn't let you feel blue for too long, quickly changing the subject to something funny he remembered or a movie he found interesting.

And when you finish your pancake, your stomach is full and so is your heart. Even just for a moment, you feel full.

You start walking back home, your legs hurting and Changbin offers you to climb on his back and you do so, both of you laughing as he jokes around, pretending he'll drop you as you squeal before he actually starts walking normally with you attached to his back. He carries you home as your limbs wrap around him, wrapping around his heart even more.

You fall asleep as he carries you and he hates having to wake you up as he stands on your porch.

Your peaceful sleepy state is something Chanbgin wishes you could have when you're awake. He wishes he could be your peace, your comfort, your home.

And as he bids you good night, he stands on the porch a little longer than he needed to, even after you close and lock the door.

"I love you."- he whispers, his hand clutching the kalimba you so happily bought for him.

🫧SUMMER🫧

You don't like it. None of it. Not the weather, not the sun constantly making you feel like you're sizzling, not the crowded streets, not the laughter and squeals you can hear whenever you arrive at a beach.

You're a starfish, arms and legs spread out on your bed as you melt into it, the only sounds you hear are the fan turning and the music playing low as you stare up at the ceiling.

There are weird little spots on the ceiling, they were always there, you remember them since you were a child and you know how many there are. Exactly 43 of them but you will count them again and again, with the thought that a new one may appear any day now.

You concentration is broken on spot number 21, when Changbin walks into your room carrying a towel and a backpack.

"No."- you say before he can even open his mouth and he shakes his head, opting to try a light approach as he chuckles at you.

"You're gonna burn a hole into that bed if you keep laying in it."- he says.

"Great. Maybe it swallows me."- you say.

"You're a grim little thing, aren't you?"- he asks and you laugh, throwing a plushie at him but he manages to catch it mid-air.

"Come on, look I have watermelon. And sandwiches. And cards, we can play cards, you love that. And I brought my portable speaker."- he pouts at you and how can you say no to that?

"Alright, alright, you won me over. Give me 15 minutes to get ready."- you say, finally getting up and only then feeling how sweaty your back actually is.

Changbin waits for you in the kitchen, as you pick yourself up, take a quick shower and finish getting ready.

Your heart flutters just a little when you come down and see him helping your mom with the dishes.

In moments like this you wish you could tell him how much he means to you but your tongue twists, a knot in your stomach and a void inside your chest pulls you deeper under water, drowning you in the darkest depths of the ocean.

There's a smile on Changbin's lips the whole way to the beach as he leads you down the path you're familiar with, where your feet have padded through countless times before.

It's unbearably hot and you try to chase the shade as much as you can, the crickets screaming in unison with your burning skin. The closer you get to the beach, the more excitement courses through your veins and Changbin notices how the ends of your lips quirk up and how there's a skip in your step. His mood instantly shifts, matching your pace before the two of you start racing to the beach and giggling like crazy.

"Whoever gets there last, pays for lunch!"- you shriek as you start running, and Changbin scampers behind you slowly, ofcourse letting you win as he looks at your figure getting further away from him and fusing into the sparkly ocean and the blue sky before you.

The little giggles spilling from your lips fuel his heart and his desire to drink from your lips and taste the love that you carry inside you. He hurries to catch up and you turn to look at him breathless, weightless, elated.

The smile he loves reaches your eyes, for a fleeting moment, the sparkle that he unknowingly ignites is burning in your irises, bringing your soul out transparently only for him.

"Thank you for lunch in advance."- you smirk and he giggles.

"You don't have to thank me."- Changbin says and he means it, you don't have to thank him for anything he does for you, he would do it in a heartbeat again and again.

The two of you make it to the water, finally stripping and all but running into the water, excited to cool off a little on a hot summer day.

As soon as you adjust to the temperature of the water, laughter travels through the air between the sounds of splashes as you and Changbin start playing around, not caring if anyone is looking at you, feeling like only the two of you exist.

You wished every day of your life feels just like this.

Only when you get exhausted and the skin on your fingertips shrivels is when you finally get out of the ocean. Changbin is quick to grab a towel and put it around you, another one of the little things he does that makes your face and chest warm.

He opens the mini portable fridge, taking out some watermelon that was cut into pieces. You are the dj, playing some music on his speaker as the two of you settle into a chat.

You get lost in the ocean, watching as the waves roll and roll, your head is a little dizzy and it feels like your body rolls and crashes together with the waves. At first, it soothes you together with Changbin talking about some new band he discovered. Suddenly you feel like something's grabbing your ankles and pulling you down, and you try to fight against it. But the turmoil grows bigger and stronger, grappling to pull your head under water. You want to fight so bad, you wish to have it in you to fight for survival but you are just so tired and you have no fight left inside you anymore.

The sweet juice from the watermelon melts down your fingers, mixing with the salty tears sliding from your face down to your hand.

"Y/n?"- Changbin looks at you. "What's wrong?"- he asks, his face turning into a face of worry, his eyebrows pinched together.

You hate it, hate seeing him unhappy, hate bothering him with your silly little outbursts that you don't even know the cause of.

"N-nothing. I don't know."- you wipe at your face and his eyes soften, his hand coming up to caress your upper back gently.

"It's okay. We can count the clouds together and take deep breaths, what do you say?"- he smiles and you're slowly being pulled up from under the ocean, Changbin being the first thing you see as you emerge out and steady yourself, his hand searching for yours, fingers slotting perfectly together.

You count and he squeezes your hand, sticky from the watermelon but neither of you care. All you care about is him, and all he cares about is you finding your way back to him.

That evening, Changbin goes home with a new pretty rock you found before the two of you made your way back from the beach.

He places it next to the other one,

"I love you."

🍁FALL🍁

The heat has gone away, replaced by crisp air and the smell of petrichor. The rain drips, drips, drips on your windowpane as you sit with your warm cup of tea, a comfy blanket wrapped around your body, your book laying on the side forgotten as Changbin paces around the room, talking excitedly about some people he met who share the same love for making music as he does.

You gaze out the window, watching as the leaves fall down, hitting the ground soundlessly and making piles under the trees. You wanna count how many red ones fall down, but you can't, not when your friend is literally bouncing off the walls as he talks, distracting you from the task you gave yourself.

"Okay Binnie, I love that for you but please slow down, you're making me dizzy."- you chuckle.

"Oh! I'm sorry!"- he bursts into laughter with you, before he finally sits down, taking a deep breath in.

He talks about this Chan and Jisung that are apparently geniuses at what they do and he wants to join their little squad, and they want him to make music with them.

You're extremely proud of Changbin, you're estatic for him but you can't help feeling just a tiny bit jelaous and weird, like someone is bursting your little bubble and taking Changbin away from you. You know it's irrational, but you can't stop the tears that slide down your cheeks that night together with the raindrops sliding down your window glass as you stare at it, your legs pulled up to your chest.

You wonder what is wrong with you, why you feel so cold and abandoned, why you feel so completely alone when you know you're not.

You fall asleep only after counting raindrops.

🍁

Halloween might be your favorite holiday ever and Changbin shares the excitement with you as you decide to dress up in matching vampire attire. It wasn't the first idea that came to his mind for costumes but when he saw your puppy eyes and your lower lip jutting out cutely he couldn't say no.

There was a party held by one of your acquaintances from your uni, Hyunjin, who was popular enough to probably have the whole town come to his house, which is what went through your mind as you arrived at the party.

There were too many people for your liking, and Changbin assured you he wouldn't leave your side the whole night and if you needed to get away, he would be your partner in crime.

The evening was going fine until you caught sight of your abusive ex. A chill went down your spine. They never lifted a hand on you physically, but they always took from you, never gave anything in return, they peeled away all the layers, cut out all the pieces, fed their own desires and just kept taking and taking until you were left shattered on the floor like a porcelain doll. There were so many broken pieces that you're sure you'll never be able to glue them back together.

Changbin follows the line of your sight and finds out the reason the look on your face turned sour. He wrapps his arm around you and pulls you closer to him as your ex had the audacity to approach you.

"What are you doing?"- you whisper to Changbin and he just squeezes you gently.

"Trust me."- he whispers back, and you do. You would trust him with your life.

"Well, well, what do we have here?"- your ex smirks.

"A loving couple. You got a problem with that?"- Changbin speaks up and you gasp, you've never seen him speak to someone like that, you always saw him as a soft teddy bear, tender and sweet, always delicate with you like you were made of glass.

Your heart beats hard against your chest at the thought of you and Changbin being a couple, a loving couple at that and you dare to let yourself dream for a second as you drown out the sounds of the party wilding around you and your ex scoffing as they fuck off back into the mass of moving people.

"You okay?"- Changbin asks and you nod.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Surprised they didn't talk back to you, honestly."- you say as Changbin leads you to the couch so you can sit and calm down.

"Maybe they turned over a new leaf."- he says and you chuckle, it sounds so easy to do that, a leaf weighs absolutely nothing. You wish you could do the same, but when the hands are heavy, even lifting something as wispy as a single leaf seems impossible.

Changbin hold your hand again as you sit and count the fairy lights in Hyunjin's living room.

You don't know how, but your eyelids get heavy and you fall asleep on Changbin's shoulder.

His lips gently press into your hair amidst the chaos of the party, something so simple and gentle unfolds as his heart hammers inside his chest, spelling out,

"I love you."

❄️WINTER❄️

It's a yearly occurence, your families get together every Christmas and travel to a big house in the mountains to enjoy winter in all of it's glory; the snow high to your knees, the skiing resorts, the cable car where you can take in all the sights, the mountains massive, strong, soaring, touching the clouds and sky itself, they almost seem surreal to you.

Something like Changbin, who is always strong for you, a rock you can lean on, someone with a soul as big as his definitely touches the clouds and deserves to have the sky.

You almost feel like a little ant staring at the mountain, like you're nothing compared to it. Nothing compared to him.

Thoughts swirl in your mind, painting your soul black again, the dark void is now almost swallowing you whole, you're afraid you'll disappear inside it.

It grows even when your families are all together, wearing stupid christmas sweaters and exchanging gifts, it grows when you and Changbin go sledding, screaming and racing each other which ends up in a snow fight and him profusely apologizing because he hit your leg too hard with a snowball. It grows and grows, and you know you can't bend anymore, you're about to break. About to run out of fake smiles and I'm fine's, terrified of spring coming and nothing ever changing.

The vast snow covered hills and mountains that you stare at look like the void inside you feels, and that void looks back at you and mocks you, laughs at you.

"Hey, it's pretty late. Come inside, you'll get sick."- Changbin appears on the balcony and you jolt out of your thoughts and turn around to look at him.

He looks at you ever so softly, a beacon of light in the darkness of you.

"Where is everyone else?"- you ask, peeking into the living room behind him.

"They went to sleep. It's just you and me. Come on, we'll make some hot chocolate and gossip by the fire."- he wiggles his eyebrows and you can't help but laugh as you follow him inside.

Your eyes are trained on the fire, as Changbin's are on you, the reflections of it dancing on your face and illuminating every single spot, freckle, wrinkle that you have, everything he loves about you, everything he's already counted many times before wishing he could count them with his lips too, not just in his head.

"Is the chocolate good?"- he asks.

"Yeah, perfect."- you nod, but you want to scream. You want to tell him how scared you are of being unloveable and broken, scared of ending up alone, scared of never blossoming into a beautiful flower.

It's like he feels your thoughts and Changbin's heart swells, growing and expanding to fit everything that makes you you inside it, as the words spill from his lips;

"I love you."

Your head snaps towards him, the movement making you spill a few drops of chocolate on your sweatpants.

"W-what?"- you say, sure you've gone deaf in the middle of everything else.

"I love you. I can't keep it in anymore, I'm sorry. I've loved you always and I don't know living without loving you. I don't know who I am if I don't love you."

Your ears ring as you stare into his eyes, the crackling of the fire sounds like the crackling of your heart as it bursts in little fireworks and you feel like you've lifted up into the air, your body weightless like the little leaf, unbothered and carefree, and you cry.

You burst into tears as sobs escape your lips and Changbin's arms envelop around you, keeping you safe and pulling you back down to root yourself in the ground.

"Shh, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. I'm here."- he keeps whispering as he rocks you and you clutch onto him like he'll fade away from existence if you let go.

You want to tell him you're unworthy, that he's so much better than you and he deserves someone with an open heart, not you, the black hole that sucks everything in, you want to tell him you feel as empty as the white snow covered field, you want to tell him of your fear, your insufficiency and your doubt, residing in your soul that was tainted with darkness of other, befouled souls.

But you don't have to say anything, he knows you better than you think he does, and he holds you tightly, like you're the most precious thing to exist since the dawn of time until now.

But most importantly, you want to tell him that you love him too. And you can't. It eats at you as you cry harder but he understands. He always does.

His hands are smoothing down your back as he whispers over and over again;

"I love you."

🫀EPILOGUE🫀

And with the arrival of this spring, you have come alive too. You're not just a little leaf anymore, nit just a drop of dew, you're the most lovely flower of them all, you're his flower. Like a butterfly you've emerged from your cocoon, more beautiful, more colorful, more mature and loved. Your sun rises in the shape of your wonderful boyfriend, the one who removed the blanket of darkness from your eyes, the one who helped you pick the pieces back up, helped you love yourself.

It's a journey, the hole is still there albeit considerably smaller and you sit and count the red flowers while Changbin feeds you sliced up apples, nothing but love and adoration in his eyes as they observe you.

"Seventy six."- you exclaim suddenly, startling your lover from admiring you.

"Oh yeah? That was pretty fast."- he smirks jokingly at you.

"I'm kinda good at counting, actually I'm a professional at it."- you say matter-of-factly.

"I expect you to count all the kisses I give you today."- he giggles, pecking your cheek.

"Right, like you don't kiss me every second."- you roll your eyes playfully.

"Mhm, acting like you don't like it. Maybe I should just stop and make it easier for you to count when there's less of them."- he jokes and you laugh, the smile gracing your face reaches all the way up to your eyes.

"No, you should keep going. That way, I'll get even better at counting."

You continue joking around, like there's no care in the world, your book is next to your legs, the one you read over and over again. Maybe it doesn't have a happy ending, but now you know you don't need a happy ending in a book because yours is right next to you, being silly for the purpose of making you laugh.

The gaping hole inside you shrinks smaller and smaller and you don't feel like you're constantly on the edge of a cliff anymore. And even if you were, Changbin would be there to catch you.

You're lost in counting his eyelashes as he leans in closer to you and before your lips touch his, you whisper,

"I love you."

🫀

✨Taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae

#skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids #skz changbin #changbin x reader #changbin fluff #changbin scenarios #changbin imagines #seo changbin #skz fluff #changbin #skz imagines #skz scenarios #stray kids changbin #changbin x you #changbin soft thoughts #changbin soft hours

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jjunieworld · 11 months ago

Text

24. the beating heart ⸝ ˚⋆

↳ half written, half texts. word count: 4.9k

— SOOBIN’S POV —

soobin sighed deeply as he got into his car.

what more could sakura have? what more could she do to ruin his life and hurt y/n even more than she already is? soobin banged his hand off his steering wheel, causing the horn to honk loudly, scaring a group of people walking by. he pulled out of the parking lot and made his way to sakura’s place.

sakura’s place was different in the daylight and without all of the people and security guards crowding it. he pulled up to the gate and before he could even get out to press the button, it automatically opened. he pulled through and parked his car in the roundabout driveway.

soobin slammed his door shut and walked up to the door. he knocked three times and waited.

if there was something else out there that could hurt y/n, he needed to destroy it while he was here. he’s already done enough to her. she doesn’t need more added on to it.

the door flung open and he was greeted with a smiling sakura, ushering him in. she took him to the fourth floor and into her room, urging him to sit on the bed and wait.

“get to the fucking point, sakura. what else do you have?” soobin spat out angrily as he stood near the door. sakura look back at him and sighed, rolling her eyes slightly.

“remember when we use to be friends?” she replied.

“no, i don’t.”

she came up to him and rested her hands on his bicep. “binnie, how many times do i have to say this. it was for your own good! you deserve to be with someone who’s at the same standards as you! not that poor wannabe who can’t tell the difference between a designer purse and a knockoff from the thrift store.” soobin moved her hands off of him.

sakura inhaled sharply and turned to sit on her bed. “you must want me to post the video of her finding out about the bet for everyone to see. imagine how fun it will be for everyone to get another laugh at it.” soobin’s heart dropped. there’s no way a video exists of that, right?

“poor little y/n, couldn’t keep up with the big shots and went tumbling. how sad.” sakura continued, a pout on her lips. it took everything in soobin not to lunge at her.

a thought of realization crossed soobin’s mind. sakura was lying. if she had a video of that night, it would’ve already been posted.

“you’re lying,” soobin firmly stated. the smug smirk on her face faltered briefly, but long enough for soobin to notice. it was his turn for a smirk to cross his face.

“if there was a video, you would’ve posted it already. you wouldn’t be able to help yourself. in your own words, ‘you like putting people in their place.’” anger flashed across sakura’s features as she swiftly stood to her feet. “what am i really doing here, sakura. and cut the shit. looking at you right now is pissing me off more and more by the second. what is your issue with y/n?”

the anger then turned into a sickly sweet smile. “you understand me so well, binnie.” she came up to soobin and wrapped her arms around him. or as well as she could since his arms were crossed against his chest.

“everything i do, i do for you! can’t you see? i did all of this so we could finally be together. we belong together. we always have.” she cupped his face with her hands. “i love you, soobin.”

she reached to pressed a kiss to his lips but soobin harshly pushed her off of him. sakura fell to the ground, landing hard on her butt. a hurt expression paints her features as she stares up at him.

anger buries soobin as he digs his fingernails in the palms of his hands. “you’re fucking delusional if you ever thought there would ever be a world in which i love you, let alone fucking like you. we’re done, sakura. don’t ever contact me again.” soobin stares her down to make sure she finally gets the message.

furious, sakura slowly rises to her feet, keeping eye contact with soobin. “you will regret this.” soobin raises an eyebrow, “will i? i’ve already done the thing i regret the most. this is nothing. once i leave here, i won’t even give you a second thought.”

he could tell his words cut her deep as the furious expression fell flat. all that there was left was pain. soobin didn’t care, it serves her right. he turned to leave and felt as she ran up to him, clinging onto his side.

“she will never be able to love you like i do! she’ll never understand you and know you like i do!” sakura frantically said. tears were streaming down her face, messing up her makeup. “we’re a match made in heaven, and you know it! you’re mine, and i’m yours.”

soobin pushed her off of him again, causing her to stumble backwards. “you’ve never known or understood me at all. can’t you see? you mean nothing to me. and y/n…? she means everything.”

soobin left her there, clinging to the edge of her dresser, sobbing loudly. he made his way outside to his car and drove off. all he desperately wanted to do was see y/n. to wrap his arms around her and hold her close to him.

soobin needed to figure out some way to show y/n how much he was genuinely sorry. how much that video didn’t actually reflect who he is. soobin needed to show y/n how much he truly and deeply loved her.

an idea crossed his mind. he knew just the thing.

it’s been days since your birthday. days since your heart was ripped out of your chest and stomped on. days since you’ve last seen soobin. and it didn’t hurt any less. if anything, it hurt more.

not that you’ve been helping yourself out. all you’ve been doing was looking at old photos and videos, rotting away in your bed in either his sweater or his hoodie. today was the sweater, the one he gave you on your first date. it didn’t smell like him anymore since you’ve washed it, but the fact that it was still his gave you comfort.

you got up from your bed. enough was enough, you at least needed some fresh air. deciding to take a walk, you slip on some actual clothes, deciding to keep his sweater on.

as you made your way out of the dorms, you didn’t really have an idea on where to walk to. maybe around the corner and back? that sounded good. you inhaled the crisp air deeply. the wind flowing over your skin.

you can tell soobin has been giving you space. the way he lingers when he sees you, words on the tip of his tongue. him leaving classes later than usual so you’re not on the same elevator. in the hallways you can feel his stare on you, gently caressing your mind. you just want to go up to him, take him into your arms, and kiss him until you run out of breath. you want, for just once, to close your eyes and see the two of you happily together. instead of that godforsaken night.

sighing, you put your headphones in, deciding to drown out the nature sounds around you.

there’s a deal you can make on a midnight walk alone. look around, listen close, hear it fall from above.

you wish that you could go back to before any of this even happened. to when he was still yours and you were still his. instead, you have this empty spot where your heart use to be.

it will ask what you’d give and what you’d take for it in return. i once went on such a walk and i found that i’d said…

it’s not that you had no idea where it had gone. you knew deep down that your heart was next to his, placed gingerly together, beating for him. maybe in another world you had his heart, instead of the hollow corridors that now occupy your chest.

you inhaled sharply as you tried not to let your tears fall and continued on your walk.

“i want someone to take this soul. i can’t bear to keep it, i’d give it just to give and all i will take are the consequences. will somebody take this soul?”

as you rounded the corner back to your dorms, your body felt extremely heavy. besides the couple of tears you shed, you haven’t really let yourself fully cry. break down and fall onto your knees dry heaving cry. clutching your chest as you try to form words that you know aren’t there, that you know can’t express the pain, cry.

you knew you desperately needed it, but it’s as if your body refused to let you crumble. like some sort of hope was still keeping you glued together, every last little piece. you couldn’t understand it. what hope we’re you holding on to?

the hope that you’ll wake up, still next to soobin in your bed on your birthday, and realize that this was all some horrible dream? a nightmare your mind created? that this was all part of some other elaborate plan and at any moment everyone will pop out of the shadows?

you had to be realistic with yourself. this is your life now. and you will never be able to move on, to take back your heart, if you don’t let yourself fall.

there’s a deal that i made. there’s a deal…

did you even want your heart back?

you step to the door of your dorm room and sigh inwardly. you go to unlock it to find that it’s already unlocked. your brows furrow, but you think nothing of it. it must be my friends, you think.

oh how you were wrong.

you push your door open and are suddenly face to face with soobin. your breath hitches in your throat as you stand frozen. it’s as if you were transported back to that horrible night. those same heartbreaking eyes staring back at you.

your friends were right, soobin’s face does look fucked up. maybe not as bad as it was before, but you can definitely see the remnants of it. his left eye is patchy with green and yellows. splotches of purple cover his nose. yeonjun was disappointed to hear that he didn’t break it, only slightly cracked and bruised it. his beautiful lips had a deep cut in them. all you wanted to do was take his face in your hands.

his eyes were slightly red and there were deep bags under his eyes. his hair stood in various directions and you could tell he’s been running his fingers through it. you just noticed that he was holding a bouquet of flowers. cornflowers, white tulips, and orchids with a singular red rose in the center. you wished you didn’t swoon at it all. you also noticed the brown bag on your nightstand filled with who knows what.

he walked up to you carefully, making sure to stop a couple feet away. “y/n, please just listen to me for a mome—“

“how did you get in here?” you cut him off. you were sure you locked the door before you left.

soobin rubbed his free hand on the back of his neck. “i picked the lock… i watched a couple youtube videos… i’m sorry, i’m just now realizing how creepy this all is.” you take out your headphones and shove them into the pocket of your jeans. he follows the motion, lingering on your top.

you mentally smack yourself. you’re wearing his sweater. your face heats up as you cross your arms, trying and failing miserably to cover the sweater.

“can we please talk?” soobin finally says after a long moment of silence. you sigh and shut the door. you walk past him and sit on your bed, motioning for him to sit across from you on the other. he does just that.

soobin then gingerly hands over the bouquet of flowers. “for you,” he says softly. you hesitate before taking them. you stay quiet as you tuck the flowers close to your chest.

he looks at you, defeated. “will you say something to me? anything? please… i can’t bear your silence.” you look at him blankly for a moment before turning to the bag on the nightstand. “what’s in the bag?”

soobin lights up briefly at your voice and reaches for the bag. “they’re sweets! i made them for you. was up all night making them actually… you like a lot of stuff so i made a bunch of different things since i couldn’t decide on one thing.” he rambled. he handed you the bag.

you took it with furrowed brows. “soobin, what is this?” you can practically see his heart leap at you saying his name. or maybe it was yours, you still weren’t sure. “you think you can break into my room with flowers and homemade baked goods and everything will be okay again?”

he raked his hands through his hair. “no. i know that isn’t going to fix things.” he took the bag from you and sat it back on the nightstand, then took the flowers and placed them in the empty vase on your desk. he sat back on the empty bed and looked down at his hands for a moment.

“i know i said i was going to give you the space and time you needed, but staying away from you is driving me crazy. everytime i close my eyes i see the way you looked at me that night. the way your heart broke right in front of me…” finally, soobin met your eyes, “i would do anything to change what happened. anything. can we please just go somewhere and talk? and after this, i’ll leave you alone forever if that’s what you want. but i can’t go on with my life without you knowing how much you mean to me. how much you’ll always mean to me. please y/n… please just talk to me and let me explain everything.”

you held back the tears in your eyes, held back all the pain and the memories with him being in front of you brought up. anger was the only thing that was left. “what more could you say? what could you possibly say that will explain every interaction between us being for a stupid bet?”

anger clouded you as you tried to push away the pain. “that all of this was just a game to you? to them.” you shook your head at yourself, more in disbelief and disappointment.

“oh, how naive i was! how naive i was to think that you, choi soobin, the golden boy, the boy who everyone loves, would ever fall for me. i should’ve listened to my friends when they tried to warn me about you. when they tried to tell me that nothing good would come out of this and to be careful. maybe i wouldn’t be in this situation right now.”

you clenched your fists at your side and inhaled sharply. “but no, i was just so happy that the guy i was head over heels for would even give me the time of day. i thought, “no, soobin doesn’t seem like that type of guy. he’s different.” how fucking wrong i was.”

“please, y/n—“ you cut him off with a raised hand. “how wrong i was to think that everything between us was real. that the morning of my birthday was real. that you love me.”

“it was real! all of it was real for me, y/n. i swear to you. i love you.” soobin said desperately.

tears fell from soobin’s eyes. he slid to the floor in front of you on his knees. he put his forehead to your lap and desperately held onto your hands. “please y/n… i’m begging you. just let me do this one thing. let me explain everything to you and you’ll never see me again.” you can tell that your cheeks were now wet with fallen tears as well.

you wanted to run your hands through his hair and out of his face. wipe the tears from his face and tell him how much you still love him. but you couldn’t.

you wiped the tears furiously off your face and tried to breathe. it was haggard. you could feel your hands shake under his. it’s been days since you’ve been this close. days since you’ve last touched.

you inhaled sharply. “this is your last and final chance. your only chance… to explain this to me. to explain why you would do this to me.” he looked up to you, his eyes redder and his cheeks wet. you saw the hopeful gleam in his eyes. “to tell me if everything between us was a lie. to tell me if you ever actually loved me.”

soobin rose heavily to his feet, he still held onto your hands. reluctantly, he let go of them. you saw how his hands twitched after. “will you walk with me?”

the two of you ended up walking side by side together for a while. you can tell he was leading you somewhere from the deliberate turns that he made. the sun was just beginning to go down, pink streaks of color breaking through the blue sky.

you were walking through a path connected to the woods. you were by the park he took you to when he first asked you to be his girlfriend. the path broke out into a small isolated clearing and you froze in your tracks as you held your breath.

in front of you was a field of cornflowers, your favorite flower. you put a hand to your mouth as you looked around. soobin looked back at you, noticing the fact that you weren’t beside him anymore, and stopped to watch you take in the scene.

you noticed there was already a small blanket laid out in an empty part where there were no flowers. gently, soobin took your hand and guided you there. you sat down a little bit away from him and tried to focus on the conversation that you were about to have. you played with the end of his sweater as you waited for him to speak.

“i just want to start by saying that i’m really, really sorry y/n. about all of it. about even agreeing to the bet in the first place, about breaking your heart for the first time when i took my anger out on you, and about breaking your heart for the second time when i kept the whole bet aspect a secret from you and ultimately having you get hurt in the end. i didn’t want you to get hurt, i tried everything in my power for it to not happen. but a relationship built on lies will fall eventually, and i kept trying to seal the cracks with more lies.”

he ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath before continuing. “so here is the complete and utter truth. the day we first spoke, by the elevator, that wasn’t by chance. i waited to speak to you, i even made up a lie about taking a sociology class so i could meet you at the cafe later that day and have you “help” me figure it out. then i proposed the dinner idea so i could get the bet rolling.”

you looked down to the blanket you were sitting on and squeezed your hands into fists to stop them from shaking. you knew it. deep down, you knew it.

“that was the first and last thing in our relationship that i ever did for that bet,” soobin said. you looked up to him to find he was already staring at you. you had a hard time believing his words.

“i know you don’t believe me, but i swear to you i’m telling the truth. when we had our first date, it’s like my eyes were opened. you’re everything that i ever wanted, and i knew from the moment i took you back to your dorm room and we kissed that i severely fucked up. i was already harboring feelings for you and i didn’t understand them because nobody has ever made me feel the way that you do. so that’s when i ignored you and everything at sakura’s party happened.”

your mind flashed back to those events. you drunk texting soobin and asking him why he’s ignoring you. his hurtful words. you telling soobin to meet you at the cafe and him explaining his feelings for you like he’s doing now.

“by then, i was barely speaking to… my friends…” he trailed off. he didn’t have to tell you for you to understand that they weren’t his friends anymore. “i told you, i wanted to keep you all to myself. the way they spoke about you… it made me so angry that if i were around them for any longer someone would’ve ended up dead.”

soobin shook his head slightly to clear the emotions. “for a while, i forgot all about the bet. until one day taehyun asked me when i was gonna stop pretending that i wasn’t in love with you.” he breathed in deeply as if he was reliving the conversation. “it felt like my world came crashing down around me. that was when i truly knew that it was over, that i couldn’t pretend that the bet was never a thing.”

you breathed in shakily. “were you ever going to tell me? or were you going to keep going and let me figure it out on my own?” you asked him.

“the night i came to your dorm, when jake and hueningkai caught us together, i was going to tell you. i was. but the words got stuck in my throat and i just couldn’t. i couldn’t hurt you.”

“you not telling me and letting me find out in front of everyone on my birthday hurt me more. you let me be humiliated all because you couldn’t own up to what you’ve done.” anger laced with the pain in your voice.

he closed his eyes at your words and his eyebrows knitted together. “i know,” he said, low and soft. “i know. and i’ll never forgive myself for letting that happen. and i’ll never forgive myself for watching you get hurt in front of everyone. and i’ll never forgive myself, ever, because i can never take back what happened. and i’m sorry, y/n. i’m so sorry i can't take it back and change the way things happened.”

you didn’t want to ask him, but you had to know. you had to know the truth. “did you ever love me?”

his answer was immediate, “yes. of course, more than anything. i still love you more than anything. i will always love you more than anything. that’s never ever going to change. i love you so much that words can’t express how i truly and genuinely feel for you. everytime i’m away from you my soul calls out to yours and everytime i’m with you it sings from how complete it is. i love you, y/n. and i’m sorry that i ever made you question that.”

soobin scooted closer to you, but stopped himself before he got too close. his body sagged and it looked like the weight of the world was holding him down. “and my words may mean nothing to you, but please know i mean it with every fiber of my being when i say this… i’ve meant every word i told you. every touch, every kiss, every longing look… i meant. and no matter how much i wish i could turn back time and change the past, once again, i can’t. i can’t fix the past, so please y/n… please let me try and save our future. you already have my heart and forever it will beat for you.”

you wanted to stand in front of him so you could look down on him and tell him the truth. how your chest is empty. how the only thing that echos through it are all the mistakes he’s made. how there’s nothing there. but quietly, tucked away behind the door you locked all your feelings in, you heard it.

the beating heart. his beating heart. you couldn’t help the tears that fell from your eyes. the tears that turned into full blown sobs.

and finally, what you’ve felt like you’ve been waiting for for a lifetime, soobin held you in his arms. you buried your face in his chest and heard your own heart beating back to you.

and soobin was right, with him, you felt complete. “and you have mine,” you whispered. he wrapped his arms around you tighter.

the two of you stayed like that for a while, in the clearing surrounded by cornflowers, until the sun went completely down. until only the moonlight could guide you.

soobin walked you back to your dorm and in front of your room you hesitated. you were exhausted and no doubt your eyes were puffy from all the crying you did. you turned to him, running your hands through his hair and getting it out of his eyes. he leaned into your touch and closed his eyes, sighing softly. you brought your hands back to your side and took a deep breath.

“i love you, soobin. and i want us to work, you don’t know how desperately i want us to work. but i still need time. i need time to process everything that has happened today, and i still need to process everything that happened in the past—“

soobin quickly cut you off. “i’ll wait however long it takes. i’ll wait until the end of the world if i have to. as long as you don’t take your heart away from me. let me have it, let me keep it safe. i promise i will keep it safe.”

you sighed and he put his forehead against yours. you closed your eyes as you resisted the urge to press your lips against his. for once in the days since your birthday, you didn’t see painful memories when you closed your eyes.

“this is the last time. you don’t have any more chances after this,” you whispered. “keep my heart safe.” you pulled away and went to turn to enter your room but soobin grabbed your arm.

he placed your hand to his chest and put his hand over it. he looked longingly at you and then took a step back. you knew what he meant. forever.

you went into your room and shut the door behind you, sliding down it as more tears fell from your eyes. you buried your face into your hands and tried to stifle your sobs. ultimately, you decided that after today you needed long, hot shower.

when you came out of the bathroom to get dressed, you were shocked to see more of soobin’s hoodies and sweaters laying with your clothes. there was a note on top of them.

if you decide you don’t ever want to talk or see me again, at least take these. even if you throw them away, i will at least get to be with you in some way one last time.

deciding that you don’t want to shed anymore tears today, you slipped one of the hoodies he left for you on. his scent surrounded you and you had to lean against the wall next to your dresser for support. you dug your hands into the pocket and found that there was another note. it was addressed to you and was slightly worn.

to my beautiful beautiful y/n,

i love you more than there are stars in the sky. your smile shines brighter than all of them combined. with you, i’ve never felt more alive. i’m just glad that i get to call you mine.

— binnie, your love

p.s. sorry if this is cheesy… i can't wait to let you know how much you mean to me.

your hand covered your mouth as you brought the note close to your chest. he must’ve written this when the two of you were still together, but when? you examined the small note further and noticed a date written in the middle of the back of the note.

it was from the day you caught your friends spying on your date at the diner. you didn’t know whether to laugh at how cheesy the note definitely was, or cry at the fact that he loved you all this time. did he mean to leave this note in this hoodie?

as you examined it further, you realized it was the hoodie he was wearing that day. and the note was written on a ripped off piece of the menu from the diner. it had to be by accident.

you gingerly placed the note inside a drawer in your desk for safe keeping. you then laid on your bed and wrapped the hoodie around you tighter. you just couldn’t believe everything that has happened today.

your heart—his heart—swelled in your chest. finally, you nodded off to sleep, dreaming of you and him under the stars in a field of cornflowers.

masterlist.

summary: choi soobin has always been the popular kid surrounded by his popular friends. y/n… not so much. one night, soobin and his friends make bet that soobin can’t get y/n to date him in a month. unfortunately for y/n, they’re a hopeless romantic.

A/N: one thing about me… i’m gonna write a long ass love confession😁 literally was possessed by shonda rhimes herself for it lmao early chapter for all my babygirls, you’re welcome!

taglist: @imagineyour-kpopboy @gothgyuu @carengene @spooksh0wbabe @beargyuuzz @binluvsu (if your name is bold it wouldn’t let me tag you!)

— kipo <3

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seonghwaswifereal · 5 months ago

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Changbin

(I'm putting this at the start of every list, so ignore it if you want)

Just wanna say that this is pretty much just for me to catalog all the fics and random things that I like, so idk, just enjoy it if you want lol

Stuck In A Wall

Part of a Kinktober challenge thing, Personal favorite frrrr, he's so himbo in this lol

In The Pocket Of Your Ripped Jeans

Dry humpin, thigh ridin' CLOTHED thigh riding, and ofc some cum swallowing

Tummy Insecurity Texts

Goddd he needs to know that he's literally GORGEOUS no matter what weight he is lol

Choking

You and Bin try choking for the first time, he's scared:( lowkey rough

Stretch You Out

Basically, Bin's stretching you, in a non-sexual way lol, and then he just gets mega turned on, yay gym fucking!!!

Hate Sex

Part of Another Kinktober thingy, gym sex, you and binnie kinda be beefin, he's there EVERY time you are, so kinda stalker Bin? Generally just wet, messy, and debauched

Need Some Air

Another gym based one lol, this time he's a frat boy, ooh~

Good Loving

Gurlll you and Binnie have a sex playlist, cause I mean, of course you do lol, also car stuff gets me so bad fr

Just Another Day At The Dorms

MF VIBRATING UNDERWEAR, imagine this irl Like??? I need him so bad + Minho being the catalyst for this is-

Double Trouble

Anal hehe, double pen. separate holes, surprise guest Channie

Switchin' For You

Riding but you get tired, thick cock Binnie, rough, Manhandling:)

It's Only Us In This World

Homemade Porn:) mutual masturbation, tired Bin

Loved

Giving him the love he deserves, deepthroating, and implied more rounds

Body Worship

Just Binnie being the sweet, loving, doting, adorable boyfriend we know he is, with just a Dash of smut:)

Sweet Boyfriend Changbin

Some short headcannons on how Binnie would be as your bf

I Said SIT

Lowkey scared reader, absolute cunnilingus GOD, bin knows EXACTLY how to use that gorgeous mouth lol

Sensitive

Just a small little drabble on Bin's sensitive tiddies, fjdskljds, shit got me fucked up fr

Those Goddamn Shorts

Just imagine riding his thigh in those shorts I genuinely can't

Things He Says During Sex

That pretty much sums it up, it's surprisingly fluffy ig?

Shirt

I need this specific Bin's balls in my mouth like rn? Hello??

Boyfriend Texts

So cute and fluffy omggg, I need this man carnally

Tummy

Some Delicious Binny tummy pics

Belt

Binnie undoing his belt after a big meal has me in the ground

Biker Bin

Horny, deserted gas station, biker gloves Binnie, need I say more

Pics

Takin pics w. him that are... yeah

#stray kids #stray kids smut #stray kids x reader #changbin #changbin smut #changbin x reader #list #fanfic

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atinystraynstay · 11 months ago

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You Calling My Name - Seo Changbin

Synopsis: You were his favorite. His favorite person, his favorite scent, his favorite sound. Being away from you for so long was driving him insane, but thank god for modern technology.

Pairing: idol! Seo Changbin x fem reader

Genre: Smut, established relationship, long distance - Minors DNI

Contains: nudity, male masturbation, mentions of oral (f. receiving), video call sex, dirty talk, pet names, female masturbation, dacryphilia, orgasm

Word Count: 3k

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It was around 12:11am, meaning it was a little after 2:11pm in Korea. You did an everything shower - washed your hair, did a sugar scrub on your legs and arms, shaved, and moisturized your legs. You had put mousse in your hair, giving the extra volume you know that drove Changbin wild.

It's been over two months since you last saw Changbin. You were fortunate to have been able to fly out to visit him during your fall break of your college program. You spent five days exploring Seoul together, him showing you his favorite spots and introducing you to his friend group. You even got to meet his family and sister! It was a wonderful trip, but one that happened far too quickly for your liking.

In just a few short weeks, Changbin would be flying from Korea to America to spend the holidays with you - both Christmas and the new year! You were beyond excited to spend one on one time together, as well as get to show him around like he did for you. You also were excited to be able to spend your favorite time of the year with the love of your life.

That didn't replace the emptiness you felt. You craved his touch, you craved his kisses, you craved him. And for now, FaceTime was your only option that got you two close to satisfying your desires.

Soon, you heard your laptop ringing, indicating you had a FaceTime call coming in. Right on time. You looked over to see Changbin's name in the corner with a green accept button and a red decline button. Quickly, you situated yourself so you were sat up on your knees. The white tee shirt riding up gently to expose your bare thighs on the call. In fact, it was a tee shirt of his you stashed away in your suitcase before leaving. You made sure your hair looked neat before answering.

"There's my girl," he said the moment you came into view.

He was leaned back in a chair, assuming he was back at the dorm. Stray Kids had just completed a successful dome tour in Japan, so they were getting some well-deserved time off before their schedules ramp back up in 2023.

Changbin was wearing a black t-shirt and black sweatpants. What drew your attention first was his naturally curly hair. God, he was so gorgeous. From his position, you knew he had his laptop on the coffee table so you could see him fully relaxed. He had his legs slightly spread, hand resting on his thigh close to his crotch. What you would give to be on your knees in front of him right now.

"Hi Binnie," you said softly. "How are you doing tonight?" "It's been an alright day so far, doll. But this is my highlight. God, I wish I was there with you right now. Is that my shirt, by the way?"

You glanced down, unable to hide your smirk. Your fingers twisted the hem of his t-shirt. The movement gave him a glance of the pink lace underwear you wearing. Just for him. You could have sworn you heard him groan from your computer. I guess he saw a glimpse of his surprise.

"Maybe it is," you said nonchalantly before looking up at him through your lashes. "I just wanted something to remember you by," you confessed.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm not mad. I can't be when you look so perfect for me. I just wish I could jump through the screen to be with you."

Your heart fluttered at Changbin's words. To the world, he was this tough guy who rapped insanely fast. He was buff and intimidating, someone who you didn't want to anger. Yet, you knew the real Changbin. To you, he was your adorable boyfriend who couldn't harm a fly even if he tried. He had a soft heart and gentle touch, but ready to go to war for those he cares the most about.

"You know, I feel like I'm wearing too much clothing. Why don't you get comfortable, baby?" You suggested.

Changbin smirked at your question, nodding his head. He wasn't the type of guy to be sly. He liked getting straight to the point. He stood up from his seat, very slowly undoing the tie around his waist that kept his sweatpants at his hips. You subconsciously squeezed your tights together as you watched him. He knew how much you adored his thighs. If you had to pick a favorite feature, his thighs might take the crown.

His hands gripped onto the waistband of his sweatpants as he slowly pushed them down. Your eyes widened as you noticed he wasn't wearing any boxers. Like you said though, Changbin always knew what he wanted and didn't like to waste time. His cock was already hard, slapping up against his clothed abs. He stepped out of his sweatpants, not wanting them to just pool around his ankles before reclaiming his seat in front of you. You weren't sure where to look - his cock with a flaming red tip or his bare face.

"What you got underneath for me, sweetheart?" He asked.

Slowly, his hand grasped onto his hard cock. But he didn't move it. He didn't want to get too ahead of himself. Changbin always favored when you two finished together.

You smiled at him sweetly before sitting up straighter. Both of your hands this time grabbed onto the hem of the t-shirt before lifting it above your head. Much to his surprise, you had no bra underneath. The extra large shirt did a good job of hiding that surprise. His jaw was dropped which caused you to giggle.

"Like what you see, baby?" "God, you already know I do, darling. I love it."

You leaned forward, bringing both of your hands to rest on your knees. You pushed your arms somewhat inward so they brought your breasts closer together. Changbin just wanted to put his face in your breasts and plant kisses all over. He also was hypnotized by your hard nipples, thanks to the chilly air in the bedroom. He wanted so desperately to wrap his lips on one and suck as if his life depended on it.

"Do me a favor. Sit back against the headboard, spread your legs for me. I want see all of you."

Shivers ran up and down your spine. Memories from the last time you were in this position came flooding back to your mind. You remembered how Changbin placed his head in-between your legs. Every time he ate you out, he treated you as if you were his last meal. If you closed your eyes, you could see feel his tongue sliding up and down your slit just before sticking his tongue in your pussy.

You were his favorite meal after all.

Compiling to his request, you scooted back so your back rested against the dark wood of your headboard. You slowly spread your legs open for him. Through FaceTime, you could see a darker pink patch forming on your crotch.

He didn't know where to look first. His eyes first went to your panties, noticing the wet patch forming and getting larger by the second. The second thing he noticed was how hard your nipples were. You were laid out for him, just waiting for him to pounce. He began to move his closed fist up and down his cock, thumb teasing the angry head as you would've done. His precum already collecting on his thumb.

"God dammit, baby. You really must miss me? Just the sight of my cock over FaceTime and you're getting so wet. I wish I could taste you right now."

You whined slightly at his words. You wanted that more than anything. You wanted to feel his hands run all over your body, you wanted his mouth everywhere and anywhere. You just wanted him. Subconsciously, your fingers began to move towards your clothed pussy and ran over it gently. "I bet you smell so delicious too, hmm? Why don't you take the panties off and show daddy what is mine. Show me your pussy." "All yours, baby. Just waiting for you."

You moved your legs together and lifted your hips, just enough to slip the panties off of your hips. Changbin's eyes followed as your panties sliding down your legs, until they were out of the view from being dropped on the floor. You resumed your previous position, legs spread and now your glistening pussy on full display.

"The moment I get home, I'm ruining that pussy. You hear me?" He growled. "I'm going to make you cry, scream, or cum so many times you lose count. I'm going to make up for all the time you've spent without me."

You wanted to squeeze your thighs together in response to Changbin. You craved the feeling of him pinning you down, doing whatever he likes to you.

Your fingers at the moment ghosted over your clit. You didn't allow yourself to touch yourself, not yet at least. Even though your lover was already masturbating to the sight of your naked form, you had to wait. Changbin prided himself in being able to provide for you, taking much of that pride from your intimacy. He was in charge. "S-Sir, can I please touch myself?"

Changbin groaned hearing the name you call him. You noticed his free hand moved down to fondle his balls, just as you would do if you were on your knees. Your voice shook a bit, fighting off your own urges.

"Baby girl, there's no need for formalities right now. But I do appreciate you asking. Go ahead, show me what my poor girl has to endure while I'm away."

You didn't have to be told twist. You spread your legs as wide as they allowed you. Your fingers circled your clit at first, almost to get you warmed up. Yet, since the moment you got ready for him, you've already been in the headspace. You moaned softly at the feeling of your clit getting pressure it desperately craved.

"Atta girl. Keep going," he encouraged you.

Your fingers traced figure-eights first into your clit. It was Changbin's signature move until you begged for more. His words though were enough for the time being, as you both were horny and just wanting to watch each other.

As your fingers slipped from your clit to your pussy, you kept your eyes on him. You noticed the vein on the side of Changbin's cock becoming more prominent. The pace of his hand had picked up a bit. If you were there, you would have taken over for him. You would jerk him off as you suck him dry.

"Is my girl lost in thought, hmm?" Changbin questioned. He noticed how quiet you got rather quickly. Yet, your eyes twinkled as you watched him jerk off to the sight of you. It made his ego swell. He loved knowing you were attracted to him.

"I c-can't help it, Binnie. You just look so handsome," you whimpered.

Two of your fingers slipped into your pussy. You arched your back slightly at the relief and pleasure setting in. You pumped your fingers gently, not quite matching Changbin's current pace, but you were building up to it. Your fingers already curling into your g-spot.

Changbin was nearly drooling over you. He saw the way your wetness coated your inner thighs and now your knuckles that were in your pussy. He found himself growing jealous, wishing that was him fingering you instead of yourself. it was indeed a heavenly sight to see his angel blissed out, but he wanted to be the only one giving you pleasure. "I miss your cock, Binnie," you called out to him. "I miss the way you fill me up. I miss the way you make me scream, make my body ache. I miss you filling me up with your cum," you panted out.

He had gotten so focused on watching your fingers go in and out of your soaking, tight cunt, he didn't notice what else you had gotten up to. Your free hand had reached up to cup your breast, squeezing it every now and then. The feeling of your harden nipple underneath the palm of your hand caused you to scream. Your body was trembling slightly already.

He could feel his orgasm approaching him, but he didn't want to rush this moment. He didn't want to rush time with you.

Suddenly, you cried out in frustration. You were trying to move your fingers at a faster speed, trying to reach deeper inside of you. But you couldn't. You never could reach the same spots that Changbin could, the same spots that made your toes curl and made you see the stars.

Changbin noticed the tears starting to fill and fall from your eyes. While it pained him to see you frustrated, he found it enduring and even attractive. He liked knowing he was the only one that could give you pleasure. He liked knowing that you needed him that desperately that you couldn't even bring yourself relief. He groaned as the tears began to run down your face. If he was there, he would run his tongue over your cheek to rid of them.

"Binnie, I-I can't. I can't make myself cum. I need you."

His baby needed him.

"Yes, you can, angel. I know you can," he cooed. "Move your hand off of your breast and play with your clit as you finger yourself. It'll help." "What will actually help is having you fingering me," you whimpered.

But you did as he said. Your hand leaving your breasts to occupy your clit. This time, your rubbed it in harsh circles. You could see the way that Changbin's breathing was harsh and quick, signaling he was close. Some of his curls were sticking to his forehead yet all his attention was on you.

You felt your pussy walls squeeze your fingers now from the extra stimulation. You head tilted back in relief, finally getting close to your orgasm. You quickly picked your head back to look at Changbin. The man looked like he was about to burst at any second. "Baby," you called out to him. "Please cum for me. I want to see you paint your stomach and thighs in your cum." "Now, sweet girl, you know I like to cum together." "But I think watching you could help me. Please. I want to see you cum so bad."

More tears fell from your eyes. How could he ever deny you?

His fist picked up the pace. He was groaning out your name as he felt his hard cock throbbing in his fist. His hands that cupped his balls squeezing hard, just enough to bring him to the edge. What got him through was thinking of you. He longed for your warm touch and kisses, he wanted you to be pressed up against him. He was eager to see you again, in person and not through a computer screen.

He loud out a loud moan, head tilting back as you watched him cum spurt out of your cock. His cock twitching as the cum covered his lower stomach and thighs. Changbin had tilted his head back against the back of the chair, his chest rising. Yet, his eyes never left yours.

You continued your own pace, chasing after your high. Your fingers were going at record speed while your other fingers of your opposite hand catered to your clit. Your pussy walls were beginning to spasm against your fingers, knowing you were close.

You cried out his name as you felt your orgasm hit. The knot coming undone in your abdomen, sending your back arching and legs trembling. It wasn't the greatest orgasm you had, but it was probably the best for now. Your best orgasms were always with Changbin. Your vision blurry from the tears. "So gorgeous," Changbin whispered. You didn't even notice that he began to clean himself up. You slowly moved your legs back in front of you. Your body felt exhausted, being that this was the first time you've cum in weeks.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" He asked. The silence again taking over. He had pulled up his sweatpants then leaned in close to the camera. He frowned, feeling guilty that he wasn't able to provide you appropriate self-care. To him, the after care was just as important as sex. Maybe even more.

You nodded your head, offering him a gentle smile. You tucked your legs underneath the comforter of the bed, leaning up to grab the laptop. You moved your computer to rest on the pillow, on the side where Changbin normally sleeps. You pulled the blanket then up to your chin as you sunk into your side, letting the blanket completely cover you. "I'm just tired, Binnie," you whispered. He nodded as he watched you get curled up. He wished he could do more for you in this moment. H wanted to play with your hair, to comfort you. He wanted to place tiny kisses all over your face, all over your body. You could sense that something was troubling him. You could always just tell with him. If you two had it your way, you'd be in person. But soon enough.

"Binnie?" He perked up hearing you call for him. "Can you sing to me?"

He smiled gently at your request. "For you? Anything." He moved his face closer to the computer, much to your delight. Your smiled as you took in the sight of his deep brown eyes, his nose, his smile. He was all yours. And you were all his.

He began to sing "Because" which caused you to smile even wider. Your head nestled into the pillow beneath you.

It was something small he could do for you, but he would do anything and everything for you. That was not up for compromise. You were his whole world.

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bluejutdae · 9 months ago

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Most likely to be the little spoon

Changbin - little spoon Changbinnie!!! Wrap your arms around sweet sweet Binnie and cuddle him. He often has trouble sleeping, he said so himself, but if you whisper sweet nothings into his ear and play with his soft tummy, he’s asleep in seconds. Bini boy deserves all the cuddle and softness in the world…

Hannie - sometimes he wants to be the big spoon, but 97% of the time being the little spoon comes natural to him. Hug him around his tiny waist and put a leg over his hip and he’ll feel protected and loved. If you’re watching a movie, this is the to-go position. (I’m also of the opinion that Sungie would love to be fucked like this, too, but this is supposed to be a soft post!).

Felix - this is a 50/50. He loves to cuddle you, to make you feel protected and safe, to keep you warm. But he also loves to be the cuddled one, to feel small in your embrace and protected, to forget all the worries and troubles of the day. Kiss him behind his ear or play with his small hands and he’ll feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

#stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #bluejutdae #skz #changbin x reader #changbin x you #felix x you #felix x reader #jisung x you #jisung x reader #Thiana writes Changbin #thiana writes Jisung #Thiana writes Felix

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maximumkillshot · 1 year ago

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"I Can't Lose You" Part 4

Warnings: Not as bad as the last 2 but here we go! , Aftermath of a miscarriage, some fluff, descriptions of grief due to losing a baby, Crying Lixie, Hannie, and Binnie. Shock, Grief, slight panic, fear of abandonment.

Pairing: Bangchan x Reader

Characters: OC Doctor Number 2, Stray Kids, Reader

A/N: Okay so this one is different from the other three, we are in a sort of lull in the angst with this one. It's time to be in Bin's head for a bit. Let's just say... this is a "building" chapter. It's time for some fluff as well... IF YOU WANT MORE TELL ME!

Also remember, this is a fan fic. All of the boys are so sweet IRL.

Stray Kids! Masterlist

Overall Masterlist

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE.

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

PREVIOUSLY:

“And you? How’re you doing?” Bin asked. He knows Han has anxiety, seeing all of this and being as strong as he’s been is not easy.

“I’m… Out of all people, Bin.” Han shook his head. Han has known Chan the longest and he would’ve never expected him to do this.

“I know”

“Please tell me you didn’t hit him.” Han said.

“Nah… She needs me more than I need to beat him to a pulp… I don’t think he’ll be bothering her anymore though.” That’s at least what Bin hopes. Everything is so raw. A little less than 6 hours before this you were at a restaurant to celebrate your 3rd anniversary. Now everything was all wrong, a nightmare incarnate and no one can wake up from reality.

“Hyung… She can’t go back to that house.” Han said as he took a deep breath.

“I know. All I know is that we'll do what she’s comfortable with.”

“Agreed…Bin?” Han asked.

“Yeah?”

“It should’ve been you with her from the beginning.” Han looked to Bin, a look of understanding and empathy for Bin. Han could always see the way Bin looked at you when no one else was looking. Everything you said would be committed to his memory, even the smallest things like which brand of sesame oil you like best for your bulgogi marinade.

“I know. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be here for her from now on.”

Han just smiled and both of them went back into the room.

NOW:

Bin POV:

That night was terrible. Every 20 or so minutes, Y/N would twist and turn in pain as the contractions continued to decimate her. After about 5 agonizing hours, they started to subside, now a much duller version of what they once were, at least that’s what she tells me. Felix and Hannie were so strong through it all and helped in any way they could. Feeding her ice chips, holding her hand, even something as simple as massaging her legs helped a great deal. There were no questions, no arguments, and most of all no mention of Chris.

There were some points where she needed all of us. Hannie and I held one hand each, and Felix rubbed her back. When she finally went to bed, well more like collapsed from exhaustion, the sun was out and the clock read 7:00 a.m.

As soon as we were sure she was out cold, that was when we had permission to collapse. First was Felix. I noticed his eyes getting red as he looked at Hannie, and then back to me. "This isn't fair," he petted her leg and tucked her in, trying to comfort her, even though she was completely dead to the world. "She didn't deserve this… they didn't deserve this…" At this point, tears are falling on the blanket freely. All I could do was walk over to him and hug him. I moved us back a little and closed the privacy curtain so that if she did wake up, she couldn't see Lix like this. Felix did his best to cry silently.

He was trying so hard to mute himself as he whispered into my shoulder, "I didn't get to hold the baby, Hyung… we didn't get to spoil the baby, change the baby… look into their eyes, hear them giggle."

I know that feeling. I also wondered what the baby was going to look like. I would’ve bet the baby would’ve had her eyes. What if her quirks were another thing the baby would’ve inherited? Would they giggle at situational humor? Or maybe they would've had her sarcasm? That smile that’d light up a room? That used to light up a room.

I heard Han losing it behind me as well at what Felix was saying.

"S'not fair Hyung… deserved better…both of them did," Felix was doing everything to stay silent, even covering his mouth, trying to smother the sobs before they left his mouth.

"I know… I know" was all I could say. She deserved so much more. She deserved so much more than to be cheated on. She deserved more than to lose her child. She deserves to be pampered, kept safe, loved. The fact that life is this cruel, regardless of the person, that also hit me hard. All she ever wants to do is help. That’s it. So why is she getting punished like this? Why does she have to pay for the sins of her husband? What sense does that make? It doesn’t.

Han’s footsteps caught my attention. As he walked to us I could see in his eyes he was losing it too. His eyes brimming with tears. I could tell, he felt like I did. Helpless. Scared. Broken. He looked at Y/N as he walked towards us. Hannie seems like the type that would cry easily. He’s not. He really only cries when he’s angry, hurt, or frustrated. Otherwise he doesn’t cry in front of people. That’s why he doesn’t watch animated movies with me for the most part. He doesn’t want to cry in front of people. So seeing him like this…

I just opened my arms to him and he walked into them, huddling with Lix, his voice breaking, "There was so much blood, I can't…. She almost died because he was stupid and childish… a fucking coward… we almost lost her… our girl… Bin…" Hannie gripped into my hoodie, trying to ground himself. We always call Y/N our girl. Chris was always working, always distracted, always this or that. It’d take a toll on her. I would tell Chris to stop, to go home, spend time with her. I told him the tracks can wait, that she deserved to have him present for at least an hour or two. He’d always say that he could do ‘better things’ with his time. You’d think that he’d see his own wife as a person that he loves instead of a waste of time, that should’ve been the first red flag right there.

Eventually, Han and I just started leaving his ass at the studio, picking up some food and making a “friend date night” with Y/N. We’d pile up in Han’s room, we’d watch anime, horror movies, or sometimes, just be around her. The first time we did that was a year into the marriage, when we did, she started to tear up. When we asked why she said that she hadn’t seen Chris. Always asleep before he got home and always awake long after he left. Even thinking about it now gives me chills, how could he leave a gem like Y/N at home? Knowing she’s waiting for him. Seeing her face that night squeezed my heart. I could tell that day that Han felt the same way.

After that we always made sure to be home early every Friday and Saturday, and to clear the schedules for the most part on Sundays; Friday was movie night, Saturday was game or anime night, and Sunday was cooking date night, where we picked a recipe and made it together. Eventually Felix and Minho got in on it too, because what’s dinner without dessert and Minho said he wanted to make sure we were doing it correctly. Han and I knew the truth. We love spending time with her. It is that simple.

I felt Han and Lix’s tears soaking through my hoodie. I have never felt this helpless in my life. Y/N almost died in my arms, her baby is gone, Lix is mourning and sobbing on me, now Han is finally releasing some of what he’s feeling. All of these things I can’t control. I can’t help with any of it. The only thing that I can really do is be there for them. Even though, in my eyes, that isn’t a lot.

"I know we almost lost her… but she's here, you see? She's right here." I had them peek through the curtain to see her sleeping form and they both looked at her. "You know what else? A doctor told me that a pregnant woman carries some fetal cells & DNA even after they give birth." I said as both went back to gripping me again behind the curtain.

I continued, "That means that even though the baby didn't make it, that DNA still lives on in her." Just reiterating that fact, I even started crying. When the attending doctor told me that, Lix and Han were sleeping, while Y/N was in the bathroom, with one of the nurses. The doctor came in to check on her and they found me, on the verge of tears, trying to will them away. It was around 4am. The doctor is married to the same doctor that saved her life in the ER.

She was very kind with soft eyes. The doctor knocked on the bathroom door to notify the nurse to take as long as they needed. Then she turned her attention to me. They asked me to follow her and we went into a consolation room.

“The chart says you’re family… But family doesn’t cry like that.” The doctor said as we sat across from each other. “I’m here to listen. Y/N wasn’t the only one who went through a trauma today.”

I couldn’t hold it anymore as I started to sob. Something about the doctor's presence permitted that, “I should’ve protected her from him. Right after they got married he disappeared. He’s my best friend, well was my best friend …” After that I couldn’t stop. I told her how I felt about him, how I felt responsible for it all, how helpless I felt, how it all would’ve been different. I even told her what I almost did to him, how my brain can’t wrap around how she must be feeling, knowing it’d hurt too much. I didn’t leave out one detail as I sobbed.

She held my hand across the table, “You could’ve never predicted this. This is something that is unimaginable. You trusted him with her, and she’s your heart. That in and of itself takes courage, it shows that you truly love her. To put her happiness over everything else. There is a fact that I think is a small consolation, maybe it’ll bring you comfort…”That was when she told me the fact that I just told the boys.

"Binnie?" She asked and immediately I responded as my head snapped to the privacy curtain. I tried to keep my voice as steady as I could make it so that she didn’t get worried needlessly.

"Yes?" I asked as I let Han and Felix go.

"Can I have cuddles, please?" She asked. I immediately took off my hoodie, leaving me in my black sleeveless shirt, and went through the curtain. I saw her face relax when she saw me. It must’ve been scary after everything to wake up alone like that. I also saw her trying to shift in the bed to make room. I went to the other side to help her.

“Don’t worry, let me help you. I got you.” I cooed as I lifted her and helped her make room for me. Within seconds I got in the hospital bed with her.

"How could I say no to cuddles? Come here." I tried to be as gentle as possible with her as I cradled her. I could see in the way her body moves, it’s so sore. It was basically pushing fruitlessly for 5 hours straight after nearly bleeding to death. Her muscles had to be screaming every time she moved, that’s why I helped her do everything, from shifting and turning, to getting her in and out of bed. The only place she won’t let me go with her is the bathroom, which is completely understandable.

I heard her huff in frustration. When I looked at her she was glaring at her IV.

“What is it?” I asked, a little chuckle in my voice. I may or may not have an idea of what it is.

She grumbled, “IV won’t let me wrap around my Dwaekki.” She even crossed her arms as she stared at the offending object. She gets this pout. It’s so cute but she swears she is scary. It’s like seeing a puppy trying to intimidate a Bulldog. It’s not intimidating, it's cute. Even more so when she’s pouting at an inanimate object, if I’m lucky she’ll try bargaining with it.

I laughed at that, “How dare it.” I glared at it too, making her giggle a bit. I got up and repositioned the IV pole, bringing it to behind the bed, giving her more than enough room to move. I glared at it and I said “I don’t want any more trouble from you.” That earned a full on laugh. It wasn’t the same as its normal volume or anything, but it was still more progress. As soon as I laid back down her arm wrapped around me as she sighed with comfort.

She looked up at me and I looked down at her, studying her features. I’ve always cuddled with Y/N. It’s not uncommon for her head to be perched on my chest, but seeing her like this, after what she went through and still is going through is making me think. I’ve never seen anyone as strong, caring, and genuinely good as her.

Being with her is easy, it always has been. When I’m with her it all feels like breathing. She knows what type of person I am and I know what type of person she is. It’s like we balance each other perfectly. She likes comedy and romance movies, I like thriller and horror movies. She likes to learn languages. I hate learning languages, but she makes it fun. It’s like we push each other to be better. She fits perfectly. She molds perfectly to me, her hand fitting perfectly in mine. Every day I shoved all of this away, and every night I dreamed of her. I would hold on to those dreams so tightly. Some dreams are as simple as seeing her smile while I wrap my arms around her waist. Nothing sexual about it, just letting her know that I was behind her. Others we are just existing, laughing. The only real difference was me wearing a matching wedding band to hers. Those hurt. But only for a minute or two.

All of these thoughts are dangerous. That’s what I told myself for years now. The more I see her the more I see those thoughts, not as dangerous, but honest. All of the things that I think about her, it’s not a dramatized version of her. Everything I think is completely possible, how? Because I’ve seen it. I’ve seen her reaction to me and people around me.

Not to mention those eyes I get lost in constantly, the ones that are staring back at me right now. When she looks at me it feels like I am looking into a treasure trove. She is so full of knowledge, tenacity, and love. I could never understand how Chris could have her, and yet he looks to someone lower than her.

Her eyes look different now, inquisitive, making my eyebrows dip momentarily.

"Is it true?" She asked as I held her.

" Is what true?"I asked as I saw Felix and Han pull back the curtain, both a bit more put together. They were both walking to the only two chairs in the room, Felix to the one below the window and Han to the one right next to the bed, on Y/N’s side.

"The DNA? I have my baby's DNA," her voice cracked.

"Yes, it's true," I said as I kissed the crown of her head, "you will always have a piece of your baby with you."

She thought for a few minutes then she started to talk, very calm and very composed.

"I…I'm scared, Binnie." I saw her playing with my shirt. It’s one of those nervous habits she has. Whenever she is nervous, she’ll start playing with the nearest object. I’ve seen her fiddle with glasses, table cloths, and kitchenware. Her favorite is any clothes with texture. When I asked her why she told me that the patterns the stitching makes is just enough texture to help calm her. That is also why she prefers to wear anything with pockets in them, that way she can self soothe when her anxiety kicks up in public.

All of our ears perked up at that one sentence. We are all very much aware that she just went through a nightmare situation. For her to say that something scares her is something that all of us don’t take lightly. I noticed her body tensed up after that. Almost like her internal voice escaped without her permission. She also looked like she didn’t know where to look. Her eyes darted ever so slightly as she spoke. I tried to keep my tone as gentle as possible. I know her nerves are on edge, and honestly, I would’ve been surprised if that wasn't the case.

"Why are you scared? Of what?" I asked. I put my hand over hers to stop her movements, “you can tell me.”

"I can't lose you boys." She started tearing up as her voice started wavering, "I already lost my baby and my husband, I can't lose you guys too." At that point she buried her face in my chest as she shook, tears flowing down.

I thought that I had reached the limit of pieces my heart can break into and yet that one confession turned whatever was left into sand. "What?" I asked, "You think you're going to lose us? What gave you that idea?"

"Your leader is the same man that's been cheating on me. He's also your best friend.” She held me like I’d disappear, like I’d not only leave her side, but go willingly.

"Nonono, he was our best friend." Hannie said as he abandoned his chair, climbing into the bed with Y/N and me, sandwiching her in between us, as gently as possible. He rubbed her back, trying to soothe her.

Felix went to the foot of the bed and he said, "Chris didn't just hurt you. He hurt us by hurting you. We love you so much. For him to disrespect you like that…” Felix is usually a positive person, but his face looked like a cross between hurt, sad, and angry. “ For him to disrespect, humiliate, and degrade you like that? No friend of mine does that. You aren't a friend to me either, you feel like a sister. He hurt my sister, Y/N." His voice started to crack as he said, "he hurt my bubbly, funny, goofy, older sister who would also kill anyone that dared touch me… dare touch any of us. As far as I and everyone else on this team is concerned, he's a co-worker. Nothing more, nothing less." His brows were set at that last sentence, showing her we aren’t going anywhere.

She looked at us and said "I don't want to be the reason why things explode in your group. I don't want to cause trouble," She hid in my chest again, looking so small. I didn’t know how to comfort her in this. My heart just kept breaking and melting at the same time. Even though all of this just happened to her literally hours ago, she was still worried about us?

Han spoke up, "You didn't cause anything. You are doing what you have to do. The only person to blame for all of this is Chris, not you." He rubbed her arm as he spoke.

"Look up, you see Binnie?" He asked.

When she looked up she saw me. She nodded as she clutched onto me when I gave her a little smile.

"Look at your feet... You see Lixie?" He said, and sure enough, when she did Lix was right there. Rubbing her legs gently. She nodded.

"You feel me behind you?" Han completed. And she nodded.

"We are with you, right where we want to be. Hell, Felix ran just to catch Bin before he left, right?". I nodded.“Rain or shine, we are here for you always. Whatever you want to do. Wherever you want to go. We are here."

She started sobbing, clutching onto me as Han said, "We were never going to go anywhere… not without you, okay?"

I cut in with, "And if you don't know where to go or what to do, that's okay too… we'll figure it out together." I looked down at her and I started drying her tears as they fell.

"But what about?" She went to ask.. we all knew what she was talking about. Lix was already ahead of her on that. He dialed a number on his phone and put it on speaker.

A few rings later & someone picked up,

"Finally I was waiting for your call!" I heard Minho on the line.

Felix said, "Hey Hyung".

"How is she? We're all worried sick over here." Minho's voice was crystal clear.

Felix said, "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

I could tell she heard the joy in his voice, "Y/N/N?! Can you hear me, Beautiful?"

Felix laid the phone close to her.

"Y-yeah"

"How're you feeling, gorgeous?"

"Contractions stopped." I saw her wince a little at the mention. The doctors did say that it’ll be a few days until she feels marginally better.

"That's good, Lix was telling me you were in a lot of pain because of them… wish I was there with you." His voice fell a little at those words.

"I'm scared," she said blatantly to Minho. I could see just the thought weighing down on her mind. She seemed like she was trying to prepare for a whole other loss.

"Why, what is it?" He asked, his voice taking a softer approach to her now.

She couldn't say it so Han did, " She's afraid she's going to lose us, Hyung."

I added "She said she's already lost her baby and her husband. She can't take losing us too." I petted her hair back as she started to shake. I hated this, seeing her question everything since mostly everything was ripped out of her hands in the span of hours. Now she is trying to heal but she’s scared to rely on anyone, being vulnerable, all because the two people she trusted with everything were the same ones who stabbed her in the back. The anxiety rolling off of her was dizzying. I did my best to stay calm for her, I’m never leaving her. We aren’t leaving her, ever.

I heard Minho open a car door. "Y/N/N?" He asked as the door slammed.

"Y-yes?" She replied.

"I'm outside the hospital waiting with all the boys until visiting hours start." As soon as Minho said that there was a resounding "Hi Y/N/N!!" Through the phone.

"You will never lose us … Do you hear me?" Minho's voice sounded resolute and final.

“You promise?” She asked weeping, “Because I can’t lose you MinMin… I can’t lose my boys, m’not strong enough.” She pressed herself into me, trying to convince herself that we aren’t going anywhere. Han was rubbing her back while she cried, trying to keep his composure. Lix gave me a tissue for her and I started drying her tears.

I could hear Minho’s voice breaking, "Y/N/N-ie I promise. I want to hold you so bad right now. Just another half an hour. Okay? Then you can see us and we can see you and hug you and hold you… we missed you and we are so worried."

Then Hyunjin's voice rang out, thicker, like he himself started crying, "You deserve so much more than Chris could ever be. You hear me? You deserve to be pampered and cared for. Not taken for granted and lied to. We love you and we'll see you soon, okay?"

I.N piped up with "I can't wait to take you to lunch or dinner if you get out today! Where do you want to go?!"

That whimsical question seemed to make her relax a little as she said, "How about that Ramyeon place we always go to?" She asked,

"Ohh that's a great idea! I'm dying for some Nongshim Shin Ramyun." He sounded so happy.

That half an hour never went by quicker. They stood on the phone as they waited, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. As soon as the clock hit 8:30 am all I could hear was wind…

"We are running to you right now!" Minho said.

I could hear the occasional shove and giggle. A few minutes later there was a stampede of sneakers on the floor and as they walked in Minho said "In 3..2..1.." then he pulled the curtain back and hung up.

**********************************************************************

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bangchansgirlsblog · 11 months ago

Note

can you please please please please pleeeeease write smth super angsty with comfort with changbin 🫂

Cramping up.

Warning: Angst, blood, periods.

Summary: your cramps this time around are heavy and changbin’s “busy” schedule leads to something tragic.

Pairing: reader x Changbin

Two people requested for a Changbin angst. So here it is 🥰

Periods.

Y/n hated her period with everything in her but yet she was so relieved whenever it came around.

Her cramps were always a 9/10 and her body ached horrendously. She hated that time of month. Changbin also hated that time of the month because he hated seeing his girl in so much pain.

He always made sure to note when it would be arriving down. He also made sure to run to the grocery store to get her favorite snacks, run her a bath, rent out her favorite movies and buy her a pack of her medication but for some reason (it was quite obvious the reason) he had forgotten to do it this month.

You see, come back season was officially over and the boys were on a month long break. Yes! A month long break. Changbin (since he was a part of 3 racha) was the most excited for it because it meant that he could sleep in, play videos games and not have to worry about deadlines, music, etc.

He was in such an off mode that he ignored the whole world around him and at first Y/n accepted it because he did deserve this break but it was getting annoying because she too wanted to spend time with her boyfriend.

It was 5 in the evening. He was back on the game again. "Binnie?" She whimpered while her hands wrapped around her lower abdomen. Her body was heating up and her stomach was quite literally vibrating because of how much pain she was in.

"Changbin can you please pass me some painkillers from the cabinet?" She asked again due to the fact that Changbin didn't hear her the first time.

"Hm? What did you say babe?" He removed his headphones and slightly turned to look over at her, barely.

"Can you get me painkiller? They're in the bathroom."

"Okay give me a sec," he turned back to the his PC and unpaused the game. This not only angered and frustrated Y/n but it made her sad.

She was haunched over with tears in her eyes. The room was dark and the only source of light was coming from Chnagbins large PC and the bathroom.

The AC was running but she still could feel the heat radiating from her body.

She let out a little whine when she felt the cramps intensify. Changbins constant taps on the keyboard weren't helping her at all.

"Binnie please can you just-"

"Y/n chill for a sec and stop nagging me will you? You always tell me how I should relax and spend some me time but you constantly keep bugging me to do things for you, so please," he glared at you. The game being forgotten about. It took her a while to process what he said but her body had reacted way before her brain could catch up causing her to gasp and scoot away from him.

"I'm sorry, I'll let you be," she whispered and choked on her tears. Her heart rate was beating at a fast rate. The tears began to slowly fall down her cheeks.

He rolled his eyes and put back his headphones before mumbling a few words and continuing to play. He had no idea how much pain Y/n was in. It was obvious.

She watched him play as the tears were running down her face. Her heart was broken or maybe it was just the hormones talking? It didn’t matter to her because yeah even if she did tell Binnie to have time to rest and relax, he hadn’t even had time for her and now he was becoming very frustrated with her.

After what felt like forever, she gathered the little energy she had left and made her way to the bathroom. Her body shook vigorously at how much pain she was experiencing. Was this normal? She started to question.

She grabbed the pain killers from the cabinet and reached out to grab the cup for water. Everything was spinning now and she felt faint. The world was spinning at a fast space and as she filled the glass with water her body collapsed leaving shattered glass by her body.

Changbin started to feel guilty for snapping at her. He felt even more guilty when she went to get the painkillers she had asked him so nicely for and he decided he would apologize when she was back and maybe take her out for a movie.

The sound of the breaking glass gave Changbin a scare. At first he thought it was Y/n doing something and accidentally broke a glass but as he there was no more movement or human activity going on he got worried and quickly got up and followed the sound.

"Y/n? You okay?" He asked knocking but there was no answer. "Y/n?" He called once again while pushing the bathroom door open.

He gasped at the sight. She was laying on the ground with blood gushing out her head. What had happened? Was he this blind to notice she was this badly off? This is all his fault.

"Y/n?! Oh my God," he gasped and run to her side. "Baby?! Can you hear me?" He tried to softly wake her up but all he got in response was a groan and whimper.

His heart was beating at a high rate. His hands shaking and his body breaking a sweat. He grabbed his phone from his back pocket and quickly dialed and called their company medics.

He was then instructed to carry her to bed and put pressure on the wound that was gushing out blood so he did so and followed every little instruction He then had to wipe her face with cold water which instantly woke her up.

"Ow..."she groaned rubbing the side of her head. "Binnie?" She sobbed when she realized what was going on.

He could finally breathe. It was like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. He still didn’t stop wiping her face with the cold water. He wanted to make sure she would stay awake.

"Baby, what happened?" He instantly asked.

"I- I don't know," she sobbed again, "I was trying to get water cause my cramps hurt really bad. You didn’t want to get it for me and I just- everything went black," her voice was soft, Changbin could barely hear. Her tears upset him so much.

"Cramps?" He asked confused, "oh my God! I totally forgot, is it that time of the month already?" he smacked his forehead feeling guilty. "I'm so sorry my love, I was so mean to you yet you needed me," his lower lip quivered feeling bad for putting her through this.

She had no response tho, "Binnie, it hurts," she groaned again while holding her stomach and head. Her breakdown was getting worse.

“Babygirl, you need to breathe. Please. Your going to pass out again,”

“I-it hurts so bad Binnie,” she hiccuped. Changbin only knew one way to calm her down. He got into the other side of the bed and cuddled her. He rubbed circles on her back and she continued to tell her to breathe. Trying to comfort her in any way.

It broke his heart watching her in such a state. He felt like the worst boyfriend ever.

"I'll get you some pain meds yeah? We'll wait to the medics are here so we can see what to do after. Okay my love?" He was panicking again and it was so visible.

"I-I'll be okay," she held his hand for reassurance and she could physically see Changbin let out a huge sigh of relief.

When the medics had arrived, they were shocked that Y/n was even awake.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” The man asked her as he carefully cleaned the wound.

“I don’t know really. I was just waking to get water and pain killers. I just remember my cramps being really bad, the pain kept getting worse. Then I just passed out and I think I hit my head,” she explained.

“How bad was the pain?” He proceeded to ask. She winced at a sharp shoot pain that run through her head when he added a cream to the wound.

“It was on like an 9-“

“Her cramps are normally bad not this bad to the poibt she passes out,” Changbin cut her off trying to help.

“Alright, I think you’ll need to see a doctor about that because that could be a sign you body is telling you,” Changbin made sure to note to make an appointment later for the doctors. They examined her head wound one last time to make sure everything was okay and if it needed stitches or not. It didn't, which Changbin was greatful about because he didn't know how he would handle watch them physically stitch up his girlfriend.

"We're just going to give you a strong dose of pain medicine because as I said passing out due to the fact of your period cramps is not normal. So we're going to push in some pain meds which may make you a little woozy," the man explained every step and every way.

“Is she allowed to eat after this?” Changbin asked. His hand was wrapped around hers trying to give her comfort.

“Yes she can, maybe cook her some soup. That normally helps.”

When he injected the pain medication into her IV bag, the extreme pain that lingered around her lower stomach and lower back slowly started to subside causing Y/n to moan in relief at how good it felt.

Her body was extremely exhausted and the feeling of sleep came over her.

The sudden need to be held and the craving of Changbin’s touch grew stronger. She knew she was still upset at him but she wanted him so badly.

"Changbin, come here," she said groggily. The medics had left the house and now Changbin was running around trying to clean up the mess and make her some food.

"What is it love?" He questioned while popping his head around the door frame.

"Can you come cuddle?" She groaned and pouted. He was trying so hard not to smile or giggle. He found her so cute.

“Alright let me finish fixing you a plate okay? I’m running to the store quickly to get your snacks and I’m putting blankets in the dryer so you can have warm blankets, just give me a few.”

He quickly walked over and gave her a kiss on the forehead even tho she was frowning. “I’ll be back soon, I promise. If you need anything just call. Okay?”

“Yeah,” she gave in and got comfortable in the bed. Her eyes slowly close as she fell into a deep sleep.

She was awaken by someone wrapping their hands around her waist.

“I’m back my love,” Changbin’s voice was quiet and soft.

“Binnie? I’m so tired,”

“Shall we get you into the shower? just a quick shower so you can eat and then sleep,” she shook her head allowing him to help her to the bathroom where she sat on the toilet as he was trying to get the right water temperature.

“Binnie, I’m so mad at you,” she said, deciding to squash the elephant in the room.

“I know my love,” he turned away from the shower and knelt infront of her. “I’m sorry for snapping at you like that, it’ll never happen again. Seeing you in so much pain and seeing you on the floor like that scared the shit out of me baby. It was my fault for not listening to you. Please forgive me,” his eyes were shining under the dim light. He looked to cute for Y/n to not accept his apology. She was an understanding girlfriend after all.

“It’s fine my love, I understand work was a lot and the come back this season was really tough. I just don’t want you to get mad at me like that again. Whenever something happens ,we talk about it. Okay?” She laid her hand on his cheek, cupping it.

“I love you, I promise it won’t happen again. Thank you for being the best girlfriend ever,”

“Your welcome Binnie, now go on strip me naked!” She giggled.

“Im guessing the painkillers worked?”

“Very very well! My head hurts just a little tho,” he got up and kissed her forehead.

“There, I hope the kiss fixes it.” He chuckled while helping her undress, “let’s get you washed up so we can cuddle and watch a movie.”

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chocotonez · 2 years ago

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skz realizing they love their s/o

a/n: this was so cute why didn’t I get to this earlier I’m so sorry </3 thank u for requesting!

warnings/genre: fluff, slight angst (?), food, body issues (not for the reader), gn reader but lmk if anything implies otherwise or if anything else should be tagged!

chan

-he realizes he loves you very spontaneously and not in a really dramatic sense

-he’s just watching you working on something at your desk, and he can’t help but have his gaze soften as he admires every inch of you

-for some reason his heart just suddenly swells w/ how much he loves you, it’s almost unbearable for him

-you feel him staring for a couple of seconds before laughing and looking over to him and he nearly doubles over with how much he loves your laugh, your smile, being next to you, how can just sitting in silence with someone be so enjoyable?

-“why are you looking at me like that?”

-“I just love you so much.”

lee know

-he realizes he loves you when he watches you play with his cats

-you’re just so kind to them it’s so adorable

-he walks over and is like :> “whatcha doing cutie” and you look up at him and smile and he died a little inside

-he sits down next to you and helps you feed the babies treats

-he admires you and is unable to stop himself from grinning like an idiot because what did he ever do to deserve you?

-he rested his head on your shoulder, reaching for your free hand, and he just knew in that moment that he loved you

changbin

-he realizes he loves you when you tell him how pretty he is

-you guys were out with friends and they teased changbin for his height and whatnot and the second you got into the car with him you asked him if he was okay

-he’s p used to jokes like that as he can be a bit self-deprecating himself so he just shrugged, but then you grabbed his face

-“binnie, you know you’re perfect right? you’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen, you know that right?”

-he looked at you like you were his whole world, and in that moment it definitely felt like it

-“I love you.”

hyunjin

-he realizes he loves you when you burst into the company building with hot takeout, completely soaked except for a coat wrapped in plastic and the hot takeout clutched to your chest

-he took public transit to do some practice, and suddenly the storm got so bad it would be ridiculous to go out and walk back to the metro in this weather. the second you heard this you dropped whatever you were doing, wrapped your coat in a bag so he could use it, and ran to him

-“hyunjin! are you okay? why didn’t you tell me you were stuck here?” you fussed over him, he’s laughing at how worried you are and he just pats your head

-“why are you so worried?” “because I love you, duh.”

-his heart just swells, and he walks over to kiss your forehead. “I love you too.”

han

-he realizes he loves you after an argument

-you snapped at him for being so possessive when you two weren’t even really “official”, and that made him sick

-he didn’t want to have to say the obvious, you guys are pretty much together, isn’t that enough?

-but when you left his apartment he broke down crying, because as much as he didn’t want to confront it he loved you and couldn’t let you go because of his fears

-so running to your place, opening your door, finding you and wrapping you in his arms

-“I love you, I’m sorry. I want to be with you, officially, not like this—I love you.”

felix

-he realizes he loves you after a performance

-he’s walking backstage and sees you sitting there, chatting with some backstage crew with eight drinks for the boys, and when you look up and smile at him he has to stop himself from fainting

-“I got you all drinks and food!” and then he looks to see the stylists and crew also eating well, and he realizes just how kind you are, how lovely you are, he’s losing his mind

-he sits down next to you, taking your hand and kissing your cheek, “how much? this is a lot.”

-“hm? just eat well and stay healthy lix, that’s all I want.” you said it so nonchalantly, how did you not know you were making him want to run laps?

-“I love you.”

seungmin

-he realizes he loves you while watching you sleep (not in a weird way I swear!)

-he got home a lot later than he hoped, and found you sleeping on your shared bed, phone on the floor and hand outstretched. Were you waiting for him?

-he walked over, plugging your phone in and looking down at you. There was something about this scene that felt so domestic, would this be what it felt like to wake up next to you each morning?

-he brushed some hair out of your face, kissing your forehead

-whatever this feeling was, he’s glad it was with you.

-“I love you,” he whispered, so quiet it was almost as if he was reminding himself it was possible to love someone this much.

jeongin

-he realizes he loves you suddenly and spontaneously

-he texted you asking for fast food and to hang out at two in the morning, and not even thirty minutes later you were outside his door, mostly as a joke

-“can we watch a movie?” you asked, while he was internally freaking out

-you looked so cute, he just wanted to hug you and kiss you all over your face and!!! you really came :(

-“I didn’t think you’d actually come, it was mostly a joke.” “why would I miss out on hanging out with you and eating fast food?”

-n you kissed his cheek and went to go sit down on the couch and as he watched you with so much adoration, he loved you. he could confidently say that.

#stray kids reactions #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #stray kids blurbs #stray kids headcanons #stray kids fluff

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foreverbase1 · 6 months ago

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Bahama ❣ Sung Hanbin

❥𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Sung Hanbin x gn!reader

❥𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.4k

❥𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Fluff

❥𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Cringe to some maybe, pet names (baby, love, Binnie)

❥𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: BAHAMA by Aespa

❥𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: N/A

❥𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: Just a cute beach date between Hanbin and Reader

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬! <𝟑

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, it was barely cloudy and here you were standing in front of the mirror making sure your outfit looked nice. Your boyfriend, Sung Hanbin, had a day off today which was rare, and due to the day being nice, he insisted on taking you out for a date.

The date he had in mind was a 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦, so he told you to pack your swimsuit too, or wear it underneath your outfit. In case you two went into the water.

So here you were, doing one final look over your outfit, making sure you had everything you needed and waited for Hanbin's arrival. After a few hours of waiting, a knock on your front door signalled his arrival.

Opening the door, you came face to face with your handsome boyfriend, a huge smile plastered on his face and a bouquet of flowers that he handed to you. "Hi baby" His smile grew wider once his eyes came to rest on you. "Binnie, you didn't have too" You exclaimed, taking the bouquet from him, a blush gracing your cheeks.

"I wanted too! You deserve nothing but the world" He said, causing you to giggle, before putting the bouquet of flowers away safely in a vase. "Are you ready?" Hanbin smiles at you once more, a look of pure love on his face. You smiled back at him, nodding your head. Once he had noticed your nod, his hand intertwined with yours as he pulled you out the door of your home, the door closing softly behind you.

The drive to the beach was silent. But it wasn't an awkward silence, it was a comfortable one. You two had been dating for about 2 years now and your drives were mainly always in silence, you two didn't need to exchange words to show how comfortable you were together. Being in each other's presence, him squeezing your hand within his every chance he got and the exchanged smiles were enough for you both.

To say you were excited was an understatement, you were ecstatic for your date today, a smile on your face as you looked outside the window of the car. Hanbin's schedule was sometimes tough to make plans around, but you two were able to make it work even if you didn't get to see each other in person. Hanbin was one to always make sure he messaged you good morning and good night, making sure to give you updates on his day and wanting to hear updates about yours, he was also one to never forget saying 'i love you'. He was a walking green flag, and you couldn't be happier.

Eventually, the quiet and nice car ride would come to an end as Hanbin parked the car once you both arrived at your destination. Stretching in your seat, you looked over to face Hanbin, your eyes meeting and a smile gracing both of your faces. Even after 2 years of dating, anyone could see that you two were still so deeply in love with each other just by the looks you both gave each other.

"Are you ready, love?" He asks you, his voice soft and his tone full of love and adoration. You nod your head again, both of you exiting the car and letting the cool, summer air touch your skin. Hanbin stood beside you with a bag in hand, placing his sunglasses on, his hand would once again intertwine with yours. You let Hanbin guide you towards the beach, both of you excited to spend time with the other after such a long time.

Once you both found a nice spot on the sand, you would help set up the necessities for the both of you. Settling down on the beach towel once you had changed into your swimsuit, Hanbin would join your side once more. "It's so nice" You whispered in content, Hanbin smiling at you, his arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer.

"It's nice spending time with you, especially, Binnie. I missed you" You confess, looking over to see his face. The smile never left his features, and Hanbin nods at your words, a chuckle escaping him. "I missed you too, love" And with those delicate words shared between you both, Hanbin would lean in and capture your lips. The kiss pulling at your heart strings and causing your heart to beat faster.

After an hour of just relaxing, Hanbin had gone off to the water and you had begun sunbathing. But you quickly grew bored, it was bland without Hanbin by your side and after all, this was the first date you both had planned after not seeing each other in person for a while. So why were you wasting it?

Sitting up, your eyes scanned the water for Hanbin, eventually finding his figure. A smile found it's one of your lips for the millionth time today, how did you get so lucky with one of the most attractive men on earth? Not only that, but he was the text book definition of a green flag too. You sigh happily, getting up and making your way over to the water as well.

Hanbin looked over in your direction, making sure you were still fine, and a smile found its way onto his face once he saw you approaching the water. "Hi love, you've come to join me?" He asks, a blush finding its way onto his cheeks once you begin entering the water and making your way over to him. "I got bored, it's no fun without you." You winked, causing him to chuckle at your attempt to flirt. "Cute" He responded, and you giggle as well.

But what you didn't expect, was Hanbin to splash you with water once you had looked away from. You gasped, looking at him in shock, your mouth wide open. Hanbin was laughing to himself, proud of what he had just done. "You did not" You say, staring at your boyfriend. "I did, what you gonna do about it, love?" He retorts, a cocky grin on his face. "Oh you'll pay for that Sung Hanbin" You smirk, and that's how your water fight began.

You both splashed each other with the water, both of you trying your best to protect yourself from the other's attack. Giggles escaped you both as you continued, the older people at the beach watching you both with soft gazes, seeing themselves within you both. Eventually, Hanbin had managed to sneak up on you after a successful attack had left you blindsided. His arms wrapped around your waist softly, lifting you up into the air as he had began making his way to deeper into the water.

You giggled, lightly tapping his arm as you made an attempt to escape his strong embrace. "Hanbin don't you dare! Put me down, Hanbin! I swear to god, i will never forg-" But before the remaining words left your mouth, Hanbin had dropped you into the deep end of the water, laughing to himself as he watched you disappear into the water before emerging after a few seconds, wiping the water out of your eyes.

"You are so dead" You say, trying your best to sound serious, but the smile on your face and your happy tone failed you. Hanbin swims over to you, his arms once again wrapping around your waist as you both float within the water. A soft, comfortable silence once again overtook you both as you stared into each other's eyes. The sound of the water and the voices of the other people at the beach being the only sources of sound around you.

"I love you, Y/N" Hanbin says, his gaze soft and loving. This causes you to blush, your arms finding their way around Hanbin's neck. "I love you too, Binnie" After the words had left your mouth, Hanbin leaned in closer, his lips eventually clashing with yours in a passionate kiss. You could feel all the love Hanbin held for you within his lips, and you couldn't get enough. You were intoxicated by his love, and you couldn't get enough of it.

Pulling away for air, you both saw the sun beginning to set, the day seemingly coming to a close. But both of your hearts were still warm, as you once again shared a look, silence overtaking you both again. Hanbin was the first to break the silence with his words.

"𝘓𝘦𝘵'𝘴 𝘨𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦"

Sorry if this was bad, but i've had this song stuck in my head, and for some reason a cute beach date with Hanbin just fit this song so perfectly for me idk.

I hope you enjoyed <33

#zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios #zb1 x reader #songfic #zerobaseone x reader #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #zb1 fluff #kpop fluff #zb1 sung hanbin x reader #sung hanbin x reader #zerobaseone sung hanbin x reader #Spotify

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writingforstraykids · 8 months ago

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Zehina & Nat ramble - Binnie 1🖤

Changbin, the man with the biggest heart full of love, who loves so fiercely it could nearly hurt. A man who acts strong in front of the cameras, in front of watchful eyes, and yet, you’re an exception. In your presence he can relax, knowing fully well you will take care of him and his fragile heart. Of course, he still loves being your knight in shining armour, but in front of you he also just becomes this soft person who only a handful of people know exists. He lets his shoulders sag near you when he has a hard day, or when his worries get the best of him. He trusts you to catch him whenever he falls, to cradle his head when you sleep beside each other. Not a single drop of doubt resides within him about this, about his trust towards you, so please, handle him with care.

You had a bit of a hard time in the beginning, making sure he can let go around you. You love how protective he is of you, you love when he makes sure no one can hurt you under any circumstances…but still, you want to be that person for him. You want to be the one he comes to when he needs someone to talk or hold him close. You want to be his safe place when he feels like the world around him is going up in flames and he has nowhere to hide. You want to be his partner in crime, his safe haven, his favorite spot to rest his head and get some well deserved sleep. And with time, your heart blossoms with pride every time he allows you just that. He knows he can trust you and you'll do anything to keep it that way.

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist (Please let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist):

@atinyniki @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @kailee08 @mal-lunar-28 @lilmisssona @aaa-sia @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @lixie-phoria @xxstrayland @kibs-and-bits @mellhwang @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @palindrome969 @harshaaaaa @michelle4eve

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sourbinnie · 2 years ago

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title -> invisible genre -> angst | one sided love pair -> ot8!skz + 9th member!reader (gender neutral) plot -> how stray kids receives the news that their 9th member is back with their ex (who ain't no good) warnings -> mentions of cheating lowercase intended

i know you've seen it all before

as soon as you told us that you were back with him, all my alarms went off. it was relieving my worst nightmare all over again and here we were, sitting and not believing what you just told us. i wanted to object to it so bad like i was in the middle of a wedding and protested against your decision, you were sharing the most broken smile with us and it showed. you were back with him and this is something i was gonna have to accept in my life back again as if the day you two broke up wasn't the best day of my life (as fucked up as it sounds).

"hyunjin? talk to me please." you said getting close to me as everyone else already shared their thoughts but i did not. i knew from the look on my face i must've looked mad, distraught or even disappointed. i was probably feeling all those emotions at once.

"be happy (y/n)." i said and left the room to go to my own bedroom. closing off the door to feel the tears coming in like i just lost the person i wanted the most to a loser who couldn't stop himself from cheating on them over & over again.

but I know that I should be the one

i struggled to keep up with what happened with all the members but something wasn't right about (y/n) sneaking off at night. in the morning they would come back with hickeys on their neck and a hangover showing, worrying every single one of us. this could only mean one thing and that is that they're spending time with their ex again, unfortunately not one of the good ones. i wanted to pretend that i did not care, that i was over them and that my heart was somewhere else but i couldn't do it, especially if they were hurt enough to go back to someone who cheated.

"minnie? what are you doing awake already?" they said to me as they were caught in the scene again, probably not remembering that yesterday the same thing happened and i took care of them.

"just happened to wake up, nothing else." i said bitterly as i saw the tear stained cheeks. i hated to be that kind of guy but they would never cry on my sight if i was the one with them. nonetheless i could only stand in the corner and pick up the pieces once the show was over once again.

i know what i'm fighting for

seeing him back in their life made me want to punch him in the face just like i wanted to all those years ago. even if i was built like a stick back then, i knew that he was a total idiot that did not deserve any part of the unconditional love that (y/n) gave them. every single member agreed that he was no good in our precious (y/n)'s life and if i had to fight the world to get them to notice that they're better off without him, i would do it. always having a soft spot for our precious member, it just hurt like hell to see them so in love with a douchebag.

"where are you going?" i asked as i got back from the studio with chan & jisung. they both clearly knew that i wasn't content with (y/n)'s decisions and that i was just doing this to protect them even i was too late on whatever page we were on their "love story".

"i have a date binnie, don't wait for me!" they said as they walked out and left me sighing while chan patted my back. i didn't know how else to tell them this wasn't the right path to take.

'cause I know that i should be the one

ever since (y/n) went back to him, i haven't been functioning the same. it was almost as if i was on auto mode and i was doing things not because i wanted to but because i had to. i saw them and all i could think about was that i could treat them so much better than this idiot could ever do. i saw them and thought about the times they came home crying because of him and i stayed up all night until they fell asleep. i saw them and all i wanted to do was close the gap between us and finally get to kiss them.

"please don't go." i said and you just laughed, not your pretty and honest laugh. more like a made up one to show that you were not hurting and that everything seemed to be going okay but you could never hide from me.

"i have to felix, sorry but i'll see you at practice tomorrow!" they said leaving and closing the door like i didn't just dramatically fall to my knees right then and there. i was so done with this game.

i can give you so much more than he can

laying in my bed with (y/n) felt odd. usually if there was silence it was a comfortable one, one that did not feel like we were out of place. right now we didn't know what to say and it showed. they told me that they were happy with their ex and everything started falling apart right then & there. i didn't argue with them 'cause there was nothing that i haven't said before that would make them realize what they were doing wasn't okay for them. i don't know how many times i'm gonna have to show that the candidate was standing right there.

"jisung? you're thinking out loud, what is it?" they said as they cuddled up to my side and i just wish we could stay in this position forever but their so called lover was a jealous douchebag that would not let this pass.

"nothing, just how much i missed you." i said and gave them a little smile. as dishonest as the smile was, my words were clear as water and real as they could be.

he's already gone, what are you running from?

i could see the fear in your eyes as you waited for my reaction. i've never seen you feel this way, like you couldn't trust me but i guessed you had the right to feel that way since you knew how much i hated that guy. the other members kept it to themselves but i did not care, everything this guy did was awful and how much he had hurt you would always pain me because i would've beat them up right then and there if i had to. and now he was back, back in your life like he didn't do anything before and you let him in.

"i am disappointed (y/n)." i said firmly and i saw your tiny smile fade into nothingness. a frown covering your face as you tried to understand why i felt that way but you knew all too well. "i think i'm gonna have to go."

"wait minho please-" they said but it was too late, i walked out the door and hoped they didn't see me shed a tear over them. they had enough on their plate to be caring about how i felt and how i was doing but sometimes i wish they could see who truly loved them all this time and we both knew, it's never going to be him.

i could be your home, i should be the one

he kissed you right in front of me and left you at our doorstep. as you tried to get the keys to work like it was rocket science, i thought about you. i thought about how much you took care of me in our trainee days and how much love you gave me. i always thought i was gonna be the one to give that love back in it's purest form, not only being friends but being something more. he set foot in your life and i was too late, i hoped he would treat you good and now that he was back once again, i only wanted him to disappear like he did before.

"innie, go to sleep! it's late." they said to me and i just shook my head. i didn't know exactly what i was going to respond but i could not focus on anything other than their lips when they talked. everything felt like it was weighing on me right there at that moment.

"please don't go back to him..." i said and i couldn't even believe myself when they looked at me shocked that those words came out of my mouth.

I know you've seen it all before

seeing everyone so lost and confused about (y/n), made me realize how much i needed to talk to them. even if it stung my heart that they chose this guy (again) over us, i knew my first priority was to make sure they felt okay. as the leader i took responsibility for the fact that i had to put my members and their feelings always first. and then i thought about my own feelings, how much they bloomed when i first saw (y/n) walked in. that pure smile was not there anymore when i called them to talk and it was replaced by the bitter tears that kept on falling out.

"i know, it's okay (y/n) i've got you and we'll work through it." i said as i held them in my arms, feeling like they finally let go of how they truly felt and what was truly happening. i didn't know exactly what went on in their relationship but this was a step for them and i will always be proud.

"i'm sorry chan i-" they said but i just told them that i was okay as they took a deep breath and tried to calm down. i kissed their forehead and looked them in the eye, not knowing what to say but hoping they would find reassurance in me and that they would let go of their troubles.

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