#Betsy the Oven

[unacaritafeliz]

we know lardo would sweep so...

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Might I humbly request some arson?

WIP Wednesday (5/15) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 172)

“I’m just saying… I mean, it’s alive,” 10 says, sounding stupid and making Andrew roll his eyes.

“Yes. I think the general idea is keeping it that way.”

“I know, I know. But it’s weird. To have something that depends on you like that? I couldn’t do it.”

“You keep yourself alive,” Andrew points out. “I’m not sure how, since you’re a magnet for trouble. But you do.”

10 laughs. “It’s different.”

“You’re stupid.”

“You’re stupider.”

“Perhaps,” Andrew says with a smile on his face. The way his heart flutters when 10 laughs is something he should probably get checked out, but he won’t. Before 10 can say anything else, Andrew’s kitchen timer goes off signifying that his brownies are done. “Oh, just a second.”

10 hums in acknowledgement and Andrew sets his phone down on the counter so he can take the pan from the oven and sit it atop the stove. He cuts a huge chunk out and dumps them into a bowl before piling a couple scoops of ice cream on top. The cookies and creme starts to melt immediately and Andrew’s glad he impulsively bought it at the store the other day.

He grabs his bowl and his phone, taking them both with him to the old armchair by the window— the one he’d stolen from Betsy’s office when she moved her practice— dropping into it like a lead weight with his legs bent under him. It’s raining this evening and it looks pretty on the window. Andrew digs into his mess of sweetness and puts his phone on speaker before sitting it on the arm of the chair.

“I’m back,” he announces.

“Welcome back,” 10 says. “Brownies good?”

“Haven’t tried them yet. But yes.”

“Give me some.”

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” Andrew snorts. “Do I look like a delivery man to you?”

“No. You look like a firefighter.” 10 says. Then, “Actually. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you I’m beginning to forget how you look. You had long brown hair, right? About six feet tall?”

Andrew can hear the laughter in his voice and rolls his eyes. “Yep, that’s me.”

[carlos-in-glasses]

This is what TK Strand fucking went through to make a Beef Wellington for Carlos Reyes.

Method (per BBC Good Food)

STEP 1 - Heat oven to 220C/fan 200C/gas 7.

STEP 2 - Sit the 1kg beef fillet on a roasting tray, brush with 1 tbsp olive oil and season with pepper, then roast for 15 mins for medium-rare or 20 mins for medium. When the beef is cooked to your liking, remove from the oven to cool, then chill in the fridge for about 20 mins.

STEP 3 - While the beef is cooling, chop 250g chestnut (and wild, if you like) mushrooms as finely as possible so they have the texture of coarse breadcrumbs. You can use a food processor to do this, but make sure you pulse-chop the mushrooms so they don’t become a slurry.

STEP 4 - Heat 2 tbsp of the olive oil and 50g butter in a large pan and fry the mushrooms on a medium heat, with 1 large sprig fresh thyme, for about 10 mins stirring often, until you have a softened mixture.

STEP 5 - Season the mushroom mixture, pour over 100ml dry white wine and cook for about 10 mins until all the wine has been absorbed. The mixture should hold its shape when stirred.

STEP 6 - Remove the mushroom duxelle from the pan to cool and discard the thyme.

STEP 7 - Overlap two pieces of cling film over a large chopping board. Lay 12 slices prosciutto on the cling film, slightly overlapping, in a double row.

STEP 8 - Spread half the duxelles over the prosciutto, then sit the fillet on it and spread the remaining duxelles over.

STEP 9 - Use the cling film’s edges to draw the prosciutto around the fillet, then roll it into a sausage shape, twisting the ends of cling film to tighten it as you go.

STEP 10 - Chill the fillet while you roll out the pastry.

STEP 11 - Dust your work surface with a little flour. Roll out a third of the 500g pack of puff pastry to a 18 x 30cm strip and place on a non-stick baking sheet.

STEP 12 - Roll out the remainder of the 500g pack of puff pastry to about 28 x 36cm.

STEP 13 - Unravel the fillet from the cling film and sit it in the centre of the smaller strip of pastry.

STEP 14 - Beat the 2 egg yolks with 1 tsp water and brush the pastry’s edges, and the top and sides of the wrapped fillet.

STEP 15 - Using a rolling pin, carefully lift and drape the larger piece of pastry over the fillet, pressing well into the sides.

STEP 16 - Trim the joins to about a 4cm rim. Seal the rim with the edge of a fork or spoon handle.

STEP 17 - Glaze all over with more egg yolk and, using the back of a knife, mark the beef Wellington with long diagonal lines taking care not to cut into the pastry.

STEP 18 - Chill for at least 30 mins and up to 24 hrs. Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6.

STEP 19 - Brush the Wellington with a little more egg yolk and cook until golden and crisp – 20-25 mins for medium-rare beef, 30 mins for medium. Allow to stand for 10 mins before serving in thick slices.

Sorry but. Heavens to Betsy. That's nineteen steps and it takes 2.5hrs. Baby was not messing around lol

[sugarpopss]

Lee Bodecker Blurb

So......I've been talking about Lee a lot with @bucknastysbabe which of course means I pooped out something kind of horny. Imagine he and Florence get a nasty divorce at some, feel how plausible that is, then come back to this. Also kind of some kink discovery but Lee is such a good vessel for feedism yknow

Lee had a routine. He got off patrol, drove forty minutes out to the cabin on the far side of the county, and ate a somewhat miserable dinner while ‘I’ve Got a Secret’ or ‘The Price is Right’ droned on in front of him, driving the stale silence into the corners for a little bit.

Sometimes he stopped at the diner in Meade for food that was more salt and bacon grease than real ingredients, ordered in a quantity that made the teenage girl working the register raise her eyebrows; sometimes he exercised the full extent of his cooking skills and put a TV dinner in the oven. Either way, he parked his ass on the sofa, let the sound of the television fill his head and ate his dinner in a scene that would not be out of place in the 1963 edition of ‘Pathetic Divorcees 12 Month Calendar’. 

Most nights, in an astounding display of disregard for personal dignity, Lee jerked off after eating. Sometimes he focused on the television and let Betsy Palmer float into his imagination, leaving the panel behind to show Lee what was under her tight little skirt. Other times he thought of his ex-wife, saw her chocolate dark hair and recalled the feeling of her breasts in his hands, how she’d tip her head back with pitchy moans when their sex was good. The only downside was that that usually led him into thinking about how nights like that had dwindled as he spent more time working-because to Lee, being on patrol or filing paperwork or meeting with Leroy all fell under the umbrella of ‘work’, at least for his purposes-how, coming up on the day Florence had served him the divorce papers, even their coupling became cold and distant and quiet, usually ending in yelling or tears if not both. 

Thinking about that made Lee feel like shit. 

The masturbation fodder Lee liked the best, though-or maybe just what he felt the least amount of guilt over-was the feeling of his own gut, packed with fatty diner food or ice cream and Nabisco cookies, skin warm from the stretch and stomach slightly aching as it tried churn through everything inside. He preferred not to dwell on why that feeling got him so absurdly hard-why palming his swollen belly made his cock leak like an old faucet. 

In any case, masturbation was the third part of Lee’s routine. The fourth part was really playing the washed up cop and passing out under the fog of a full stomach and an orgasm. At a different time he would’ve polished off the image with a couple of beers, something to add to both the haze in his mind and the bloat in his stomach, but. Well. He was trying, as pathetic as it sounded. 

As pathetic as ‘trying’ seemed to be, seeing as he still ended up conked out on the sofa, television illuminating how his undershirt was slowly creeping up over the curve of his gut like some slovenly sitcom husband. Except, that is, for the nights when Lee had the post-nut wherewithal and motivation to actually get into bed. It was actually a little bit sad how quickly he’d adjusted to sleeping alone. There was something almost reassuring about getting into a cold bed, as opposed to one warmed by a body that he knew has been waiting for hours; there was no one to disappoint or fight with or lie to in a cold bed, although Lee had done all three quite liberally throughout his marriage and didn’t feel so much guilt that he’d take them back, given the opportunity. He certainly wouldn’t give up what they’d gotten him…but it still felt safer to be alone. 

Besides, the warmth and weight of his packed gut was a close enough substitute for the comfort of a woman, the grip of his own callused fist a workable approximation of the tight, wet heat of a cunt. Shocking as it may be, there wasn’t a line of women out the front door of the creaky old cabin with one working sink and raccoons in the attic-but even those traits were probably a better draw than Lee himself. 

It didn’t matter. He was just alright by himself-it seemed like exactly the way he was meant to be. 

[einsteinsugly]

Fictober 9. That 70s Show. October 1994. In Grandma's Kitchen.

Smoke is billowing throughout the Forman kitchen, and Betsy Kelso takes a blackened pie out of the oven. In absolute shame.

Betsy sighs, slightly panicking, poking at the rigid monstrosity with a fork. "Okay, Ani. What am I gonna do?"

But Becca Hyde, observing at the kitchen table, interrupts Betsy's questionable pondering, before Kitty can even open her mouth. "Turn off the oven, you moron."

"You're talking to the class of 97's future Valedictorian."

Becca rolls her eyes, unrelenting. "Turn off the oven, you moron."

"Uh, fine!" Betsy angrily scoffs, "At this point, I'm gonna be ordering take-out for the rest of my life..."

Suddenly, the smoke alarm starts to blare, and Betsy stands there, utterly clueless. While Kitty tries to dissipate the smoke with a broom.

"That would be a good idea." Betsy is trying to figure out which knob to turn, and Kitty quickly does the honors. "This is your second pie, Bets."

"But I can't fail!" Betsy cries, "I should just buy a pie or something..."

Red storms in, angry and annoyed. The smoke alarm has interrupted his Packers' game, and he's only heard the last little tidbit.

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you," Red grumbles, helping to dissipate the smoke until the alarm falls silent, "Aunt Jackie tried that crap, and she failed."

"I can bake the pie for you, but you gotta pay up." Becca has luckily inherited her father's cooking ability, and not her mother's lack thereof, and she proudly smirks because of that unwavering fact. And, she can use said ability to her advantage. "Or else."

Kitty uncomfortably laughs. "I don't know if that's the right thing to do, Beck..."

But Betsy is quick to cut her off. "I'll give you a twenty."

Becca proudly nods, with a victorious chuckle. "That's cool."

[lacangri21]

With No Immediate Cause

Every 3 minutes a woman is beaten

Every 5 minutes a woman is raped

Every 10 minutes a li’l girl is molested

Yet I rode the subway today

I sat next to an old man

Who may have beaten his old wife

3 minutes ago

Or 3 days ago

Or 30 years ago

He might have sodomized his daughter

But I sat there

Cuz the young men on the train

Might beat some young women

Later in the day or tomorrow

I might not shut my door fast

Every 3 minutes it happens

Some woman’s innocence

Rushes to her cheeks

Pours from her mouth

Like the Betsy Wetsy dolls

Have been torn apart

Their mouths menses red and split

Every 3 minutes a shoulder is jammed through plaster and the oven door

Chairs pushed through the ribcage

Hot water or boiling sperm decorate her body

I rode the subway today

And bought a paper from a man

Who might have held his old lady onto a hot pressing iron

I don’t know

Maybe he catches li’l girls in the park

And rips open their behinds with steel rods

I can’t decide what he might have done

I only know

Every 3 minutes

Every 5 minutes

Every 10 minutes

So I bought the paper

Looking for the announcement

The discovery

Of the dismembered woman’s body

The victims have not all been identified

Today they are naked and dead

Refuse to testify

One girl out of 10’s not coherent

I took the coffee and spit it up

I found an announcement

Not the woman’s bloated body in the river

Floating

Not the child bleeding in the 59th Street corridor

Not the baby broken on the floor

There is some concern

That alleged battered women

Might start to murder

Their husbands and lovers

“With no immediate cause”

I spit up

I vomit

I am screaming

We all have immediate cause

Every 3 minutes

Every 5 minutes

Every 10 minutes

Every day

Women’s bodies

Are found in alleys and bedrooms

At the top of the stairs

Before I ride the subway

Buy a paper

Drink a coffee

I must know:

Have you hurt a woman today?

Did you beat a woman today?

Throw a child across the room?

Are the li’l girl’s panties

In your pocket?

Did you hurt a woman today?

I have to ask these obscene questions

The authorities require me to establish

Immediate cause

Every 3 minutes

Every 5 minutes

Every 10 minutes

Every day

-Ntozake Shange

Written out in a way that is easiest for me to read

[simlebrityblogger]

OMG, grab your tea, folks! Looks like Betsy and August are cooking up baby number THREE in that secret celebrity oven of theirs! Paparazzi ninjas (seriously, how do they do it?) caught the lovebirds sneaking out of a doctor's office, and you know what that means – pregnancy checkup alert! This is HUGE because it's the very FIRST time we've laid eyes on a pregnancy pic of Betsy. She's been preggers twice before, but this is like spotting a unicorn in Hollywood!

Third time's the charm, they say, and boy, oh boy, does Betsy look like she's embracing the magic.

Major congrats are in order for the couple! Let the gender predictions begin – is it gonna be a mini-August or a little Betsy running around? We're on the edge of our seats waiting to see how they'll handle this unexpected leak. 👀 #BabyOnBoard #CelebGossip #BetsyAndAugustBabyWatch

[cambria-writes]

it's a ciabatta recipe a very nice person has up on tiktok! (there is a lot of swearing but tbh that's why i saved it) i halved the recipe the first time just in case but made the whole thing this time and i just took it out of the oven and HEAVENS TO BETSY it smells good

it's taking all my self control not to eat it right now

[proxylynn]

Who died in the most horrible way possible in Puss In Boots 2?

[Hmmm...There are so many, it's hard to say.

We got the 8 deaths of Puss.

Trampled by bulls.

Attacked by dogs.

Drunken fall from extreme heights.

Crushed by a huge barbell while weightlifting.

Explosion while in a canon.

Extreme allergic reaction to shellfish.

Intense burning due to overheated oven.

Crushed by a massive bell.

We got the falling/crushing deaths of the Lilliputians.

The golden death of Jo Serpent.

Many possible guard deaths in the pie factory.

Jerry Cobbler is eaten by a carnivorous posy.

Pete Cobbler, Betsy Crocker, and Tommy Lee Scones explode due to unicorn horns.

Ben Yay, Terror-Misu, Butter Scott, Stevia, Crustina, Cinnaman, Sir Thomas Brady Fingers, and Rhu-Barb die from falling/tank crushing into a gorge.

Nutmegan is de-materialized by the star magic.

And Big Jack Horner sinks into the molten core of the star before it collapses in on itself then explodes!

All of them are horrible ways to die.]

[piperslovebot]

icon by @fireflynight435

Full name: Elizabeth Victoria Kelso

Nicknames: ‘Bets’, ‘Betsy’ (by everyone), ‘Liz’, ‘Baby’, ‘Lizzie’ (by Kristie), ‘sis’, ‘turd’, ‘lunatic’ (by Jay), My Baby Girl, My Daughter, Bambi (by Kelso), Feeble-minded bun-in-her-oven, kid (by Hyde), That thing (by Eric), ‘Fat girl’ (by Jackie), ‘Honey’ (by Brooke and Kelso)

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Birth Place: Point Place, Wisconsin

Birthday: January 15, 1979 (age 16)

Occupation: High School Student (at PPHS), Part Time Gym Instructor

Family: Michael Kelso (father), Brooke Rockwell (mother), Jay Kelso (younger brother), Oak Kelso (youngest brother), Carolyn Rockwell (maternal grandmother), Joe Rockwell (maternal grandfather), John Kelso (paternal grandfather), Eliza Kelso (paternal grandmother), Casey Kelso (paternal uncle), Chris Kelso (paternal uncle), Celia Stearwater (paternal aunt), Kelsey Stearwater (paternal great-aunt), Elaina Kelso (paternal aunt), Alex Kelso (paternal aunt), Betsy (great-grandmother), Jackie Burkhart (honorary aunt/godmother), Steven Hyde (honorary uncle/godfather), Fez (honorary uncle), Rhonda Tate (honorary aunt), Layla Kelso (paternal cousin), Rebecca Rockwell (maternal aunt)

Romances: Kristie Forman (girlfriend), Nate Runck (former crush), John Helmsman (lost her virginity to), Alessio Burns (ex boyfriend), Jennifer Hutton (one night stand), Misty Dickerson (one night stand), Jerry (ex boyfriend), Elsa (ex fling), Rita (ex girlfriend), Sophia (ex girlfriend), Olaf (ex boyfriend), Joseph (ex boyfriend), Moses (one date)

Friends: Serena Marotti (best friend), Kelly Shaland (best friend), Nate Runck (sometimes), Gwen Runck, Leia Forman

Enemies: Joanna Mitchell

Pet(s): Jamie Kelso (dog)

[project1939]

100+ Films of 1952

Film number 116: The First Time 

Release date: January 31st, 1952 

Studio: Columbia 

Genre: comedy 

Director: Frank Tashin 

Producer: Harold Hecht 

Actors: Robert Cummings, Barbara Hale, Jeff Donnell 

Plot Summary: Betsy and Joe, a young married couple, comedically deal with the trials and tribulations of their first-born child. 

My Rating (out of 5 stars): **¾ 

This is one of those lower budget A films (B+ films?) that studios cranked out like sausage. It’s kind of cute, but unless you are someone with an interest in the cultural history of the early 1950s, there isn’t much reason to watch it. 

The Good: 

Barbara Hale as Betsy. I found her immediately likeable- she has a certain strength about her that wasn’t typical for girl next door types. Her voice is a little lower, and she doesn’t have the appearance of a frail little wife. She also handled the comedy pretty well. 

The character actors were all entertaining. Bea Benaderet, who played Betsy’s roommate in the hospital, was especially good. 

The “Gay Divorcee” grandmother Cassie. I loved her character until a speech she gave at the very end of the movie. Other than that, she was a fun and unique grandmother for the time. 

The close-up view of 50s suburban culture. The house in the movie was small and realistic, and seeing things like the size of the oven, the cool clocks on the wall, the weird saloon-door room dividers is totally my jam. The different ideas of child-rearing were interesting as well- some of the characters fought over bottle feeding vs. nursing, and bottle feeding was touted as superior “modern science” that would prevent a mother from losing her figure! 

The financial realities of raising a child were explicitly detailed. Joe made $55 a week, which would be about $33,500 a year today. Cloth diapers in today’s money would cost $35 a dozen, and Joe needed help paying an additional $1000 of his hospital bill, while paying a live-in nurse $650 a week. 

One scene that really made me laugh was a comedy of misunderstanding. Joe thinks he’s going to a bus stop to pick up the babysitter, but instead he picks up a kind of call girl (although that language was never explicitly used). The best line was when Joe asked, “You’re a sitter, aren’t you?” Her reply? “Just between you and me- two scotches and I’ll sit anywhere!” Amazingly risque for the time! 

The Bad: 

A lot of the humor was pedestrian and predictable. 

The plot was pretty loose and episodic. 

It often felt more like an extended sit-com than a movie. 

One of the big comedy moments near the end of the film was so unfunny I wanted to fast-forward it. (It was when Joe confronted his boss about the quality of the washing machines they sold.) 

Twin beds, really? Joe and Betsy needed to have twin beds? How did they manage to actually have children when the beds were that ridiculously small? 

The ending was also predictable, and it predictably hit you over the head with the superiority of heteronormative marital bliss. And the idea that a married couple isn’t complete unless they have children. 

The divorcee grandma’s final speech also had to fall in line with the message of the film. Even though she seemed so independent and “gay” (in the old sense), she warned her daughter of ending up like her- old and alone and unattractive to men because she isn’t young anymore. Good god. 

The movie poster: that likeness of Robert Cummings is atrocious! 

[reasoningdaily]

Archeological discoveries are seen in Luxor, Egypt, in this undated handout photo.

Zahi Hawass Center For Egyptology via Reuters

A mission led by Egypt's former antiquities chief Zahi Hawass unearthed "several areas or neighborhoods" of the 3,000-year-old city after seven months of excavation.

MORE: 'Pharaoh's curse' blamed for Suez Canal blockage, other unfortunate events in Egypt

Skeletal human remains sit in the archeological dig site in Luxor, Egypt, in this undated handout photo.

Zahi Hawass Center For Egyptology via Reuters

The city, which Hawass also called "The Rise of Aten," dates back to the era of 18th-dynasty king Amenhotep III, who ruled Egypt from 1391 till 1353 B.C.

"The excavation started in September 2020 and within weeks, to the team's great surprise, formations of mud bricks began to appear in all directions," Egypt's antiquities ministry said in a statement.

"What they unearthed was the site of a large city in a good condition of preservation, with almost complete walls, and with rooms filled with tools of daily life."

The southern part of the city includes a bakery, ovens and storage pottery while the northern part, most of which remain under the sands, comprises administrative and residential districts, the ministry added.

Archeological discoveries sit among the dig in Luxor, Egypt, in this undated handout photo.

Zahi Hawass Center For Egyptology via Reuters

"The city's streets are flanked by houses," with some walls up to 3 meter high, Hawass also said.

Hawass said the city was still active during Amenhotep III's co-regency with his son, Akhenaten, but that the latter eventually abandoned it when he took the throne. Akhenaten then founded Amarna, a new capital in the modern-day province of Minya, some 250 km south of Cairo and 400 km north of Luxor.

MORE: Egypt unlocks more secrets in Saqqara with discovery of temple, sarcophagi

Betsy Brian, professor of egyptology at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, said the finding's importance is only second to the earth-shattering discovery of King Tut's tomb.

A new archaeological discovery stands in Luxor, Egypt, in this undated handout photo.

Zahi Hawass Center For Egyptology via Reuters

Egypt has made a string of major discoveries over the past few years as it hopes to revive its vital tourism industry, which was badly hit by two uprisings and the COVID-19 pandemic.

The country held a glitzy parade to move 22 mummies to a newly inaugurated museum in Cairo on Saturday and is preparing to open the Grand Egyptian Museum near the Giza Pyramids later this year.

Egypt says GEM will be the biggest museum in the world dedicated to a single civilization.

[ponds-of-ink]

The woman rings up the total amount, then places the cash in the register. As she shuts the register drawer, the timer rings loudly. Without a single word, she shuts off the timer and heads back to the oven.

A couple of minutes later, she re-emerges with a box. “Here he is!” she calls out as she carefully places the bag into your hands. “I’ve already bagged him up for you, so all you’ve gotta do is grab your paints and go!”

You thank the woman, put the paints in the bag, then wave. As you exit the store, you hear one final exclamation of “come back when you can, y’hear? If you decide to give your fox some friends, be sure to ask for ol’ Betsy!”

Now back at the fountain, you look around. After that experience, was there anything that could top it..?

Well, that’s up for you to decide. Is there anywhere else you want to go?

So about mini-mall mayhem?

Here’s the setup:

You’re playing a mall-goer with $300. Your job is to spend all of that cash before you leave.. Or just have a nice time, if that’s more your speed.

Below is a map of the mall. You are starting out in the front lobby, where you can see all of your options.

You can either go into one of the stores or check out the fountain. Your choice, really.

[einsteinsugly]

creativepromptsforwriting.tumblr.com/post/644114402285584384/kisses

welcome home kisses for formciotti!!

@jackieburkhrts, I've got something!

July 1995. Movie Monday, and Domestic Bliss.

"You know, Mommy likes you to have pants on when she gets home."

Eric is used to his youngest daughter's loud mouth, as he quickly deflects. "She bought me these Spiderman boxers."

In turn, Leah is quick to classify such a preposterous statement as a big, fat lie. "No, she didn't."

He quickly folds, gazing at the television screen, as the opening credits roll. Pointing to his white Hanes t-shirt, to prove another point. "She bought me this t shirt."

"I can believe that. It's boring..."

A low, melodic voice rings, stinging clear. "Leah."

Having overheard the entire conversation, Donna swings open the door, and Leah notably twitches.

Her blue-green eyes are as wide as saucers, and Leah quickly opens her mouth. To deflect, of course.

"Hi, Mommy."

"Your dad's way more boring than I'll ever be." Donna slips off her loafers, plopping on the couch. Rolling her eyes at her nerdy husband, she predictably groans. "And predictable."

"See? I told you she wouldn't like it..." But Leah quickly eats her words, as Donna kisses Eric on the cheek. And he happily reciprocates, of course.

Leah feigns gagging noises, and loudly but predictably protests. "But he's so predictable, Mommy. He and Kate chose to watch Forrest Gump for the bazillionith time. I wanted him to watch Mrs. Doubtfire with me, so he I can get him to use his girly Mrs. Doubtfire voice."

"You're not very good at that," Donna posits, as Leah inevitably bursts into maniacal giggles, "She laughs at you, not with you."

"Hey, I like a room full of laughter," Eric states, glancing at their giggling daughter with fatherly love and a touch of well-earned exasperation, "But I won't put frosting on my face and reenact the hello..."

The strawberry-haired goon finally pipes down, if only for a mere second, only to twist and shout. "Do it in your Mrs. Doubtfire voice!"

"He's not very good at that." Their eldest daughter, another redhead, finally makes a belated appearance. With a hastily assembled platter in hand. "I have snacks."

"I want some!" Leah bellows, in a way only a five year old can, until she eyes the plate and promptly scrunches her nose in disgust, "Apple wedges and pretzels? I told you Kate'd pick lame snacks, Daddy."

"It's way healthier than Oreos and crackers with Cheez Whiz," Kate states, in a motherly, wary tone, "Plus, we're out of Cheez Whiz."

But for once, Leah doesn't seem to mind. "I want pizza rolls!"

Leah leaps into action, and for once, Eric is quick to admonish. "You're not going anywhere near the oven, missy."

Her braids whip around like a broken Skip It, with a dramatic sigh. And a haphazard pinky promise, jutting her left pinky towards the sky. "I'm not gonna set it on fire like Betsy, I promise."

Donna sighs, glaring at Eric. "I take it Dad didn't make you dinner, and let you have snacks?"

This time, Kate is quick to open her mouth. Throwing Eric under the bus, as she divulges everything.

"I told him not to, but he wouldn't listen. He said we can have snacks, and then we can have a late dinner."

In turn, Donna reluctantly volunteers, with a dismissive roll of the eyes. As if it's an insane idea that she refuses to even contemplate.

"Actually, I think I'll make dinner."

For a moment, all seems serene. Eric relaxes, spreading his feet onto a waiting ottoman, purposely oblivious, as Kate and Leah glance at each other.

But Donna then stands up, with a notable footnote. As soon as she catches her bearings, Eric's Ottoman Empire comes crashing down, with a maniacal smirk.

"But you have to wash the dishes."

[shitty-check-please-aus]

The team builds a robot that doesn’t do anything. Just sits there and burns food at extremely high temperatures. Oh wait, that’s the oven without bitty supervising it

I like calling every appliance a robot

[sailorsav]

Eric & Will

Eric loved his coven. He loved the Haus. He loved his kitchen. He loved his craft. His laptop was sitting on the kitchen table playing his favorite Top 40 Playlist. He was singing along, collecting spices for the cobbler he was working on. Eric danced his way over to the oven to preheat it. He set the temperature, but the gas didn’t click on. He waited a moment silently hoping it would turn on any second. It didn’t. He stopped dancing.

“You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me!” Eric huffed. “You were working just fine this morning. What’s gotten into you?” He crouched down next to the oven looking through the oven’s window. He let out a deep sigh before getting back to the recipe he was working on. He set a few sprigs of sage a cedar on top of the oven. Maybe the kitchen spirits would cooperate with him later.

He tried again once he had finished assembling the cobbler. “Now listen here, Betsy. I know you’ve got it in you to bake this for me so why don’t you just be a dear an’ turn on?” Nothing. Not even a flicker of a flame. “Well have it your way, you big hunk of scrap metal! I’ll just go to the student kitchens and bake there!”

Keep reading on my Ao3 here! OR below the cut!

Will was in the living room working on homework for his programming class when he heard Eric in the kitchen. Will had noticed that Eric really liked pop music which normally made things bright and cheery. Things did not feel bright nor cheery anymore.

He left his spot on the couch to see what the problem was. Maybe if he helped fix it, he could finish his homework. When he entered the kitchen Eric was glaring at the oven with such intensity that he thought the whole thing might burst into flames.

“Are you okay in here?” Will asked.

“Well, I would be if this ancient piece of machinery would decide to work for me. She’s been giving me fits all afternoon.”

“She? Would it, uh, be okay if I took a look? Stuff like this is kinda my thing.”

It was only fair that Will offer to fix the oven. Eric had, after all, been the source of half the food he’d eaten in the last two months. Will was not about to let someone do for him without offering something in return. That was not a polite thing to do and he was raised better than that.

“The oven’s name is Betsy. By all means, sugar. If you get that old rust bucket workin’ I’ll make you a pie. What’s your favorite?”

Will sat on the floor of the kitchen as close to Betsy as he could be. “I really like whoopie pies.” He placed one hand on the front of the oven door and wrapped the other around the side.

“Well whoopie pies aren’t really pie, but I’m sure I can manage that.” Eric already had a lighter tone. He had thrown a dish towel over his shoulder and stood with a cocked hip watching Will work his craft.

--

There was something magical about it -well of course there was- but watching someone practice was an experience. Everyone's a little different and that’s what makes it wonderful. Will was sitting on the kitchen floor, practically hugging an oven that was at least twice his age. His brow was furrowed and it was easy to see that he was determined to make it work again. Eric was thankful for his coven. They had each other’s backs in a way that most didn’t. He smiled.

A few moments later there was a click, click, woosh, of the oven igniting. Will gave Betsy a light pat before standing. “She should be good for now. Let me know if she gives you anymore trouble.”

“Well, I know I‘m going to make you some whoopie pies but is there anything else I can do to thank you?” Eric punched Will in the shoulder lightly.

“It was the least I could do. But actually…” Will paused. “Betsy wanted you to apologize. For earlier. You called her a bunch of names and it made her feel sad.”

“Oh dear.” Eric turned to face the oven. “I’m so sorry, Betsy. You know I didn’t mean anything by it. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Those electric ovens in the student kitchens are just awful. ”

There was another woosh of flames inside the oven.

“Well, it looks like you don’t need me in here anymore, I’m just gonna go.” Will gestured back to the living room.

“Nonsense! You can work in here if you like. I’m just going to get started on those pies for you”

“Really?”

“Well of course!”

“In that case, would it be alright if I helped you with the whoopie pies?”

“Oh absolutely!” Eric grinned. “Here, put on an apron, I’ll find my recipe real quick.”

There’s a link to the cobbler Eric was making in the notes. I am also going to try an continue with these drabbles while I work on a sad fic that I was inspired to write, but we’ll see.