#Best Medication For Panic Attacks And Anxiety

[cosmic-dust-poltergeist]

Pt 2 of Danny being sort of reincarnated in the DC universe. Tim's pov of Danny and his weirdness. Ft Damian and setting up a play date [pt 1 here] [pt3 here]

Tim can honestly say he's enjoyed the last few months. His newest little brother is a delight and managed to get everyone wrapped around his little finger. The funniest, and saddest if Tim was honest, part of it all is that Danny has no idea. He hasn't seemed to realize how devastatingly cute he is while exploring the world. Add in the fact Tim found a speech therapist for him, so sometimes he will actually say something instead of just writing, and you can actively hear/see the scary Gotham vigilantes crumble every single time.

Danny follows whoever he deems "safe" like a weird glowing duckling. The kid had no idea how the world works and knows it, attaching to family in fear and googling anything and everything to understand. Tim really wants to get the kid help for his anxiety, but Danny is refusing currently. Tim can't really blame him, Danny has so much medical trauma.

The downside of being deemed as "safe" and non judgemental early on is Tim knows the most of the horrible details. It'd not much, but between what Danny has let slip and what he's searched on different mental health and trauma, Tim has a very ugly picture of what happened during his time in the lab. On the plus side, if he's asking questions and trying to work on/understand his mental health, then Tim is sure he'll be willing to see a specialist eventually. Tim is willing to go at Danny's pace and protect the kid as much as possible. He debriefs the rest of the family whenever he discovers a new trauma so no one accidentally triggers Danny into another panic attack. He has far too many of them daily already, and Cass is the best at calming him down, but she's not always available.

A less sad, and more interesting development is Danny's features have been changing from Damian's. Whoever made Danny really fucked up. Genetically he's still a clone of Damian, but visually, he looks like someone tried to draw Damian from memory and decided to make him part fae or something. Danny's eyes faded to a pale celadon blue, his ears are slightly pointed, his teeth are sharper than the should be, he gained freckles that glow Lazarus Pit green when he gets emotional, his hair curled and turned the darkest black Tim has ever seen while also gaining glittering white tuffs throughout, and his constant soft glowing are just a few things that shifted and changed over time. Tim has a theory that Danny has a higher concentration of Lazarus waters in his body than any of his predecessors and that caused him to mutate. Unfortunately, it's just a theory because Danny had a massive panic attack and dissociation episode the one time they tried to draw some of his blood. No one was willing to push it after that. So until Danny is healed enough mentally for it, there will be no tests.

Danny also freaked out and hid in his closet for 3 days straight when he realized how uncanny he's looking. He was terrified they'd hurt him for it or the flickers of developing powers when he's emotionally, which is often, and it took an insane amount of reassurances and bribes to get the kid to come out. Duke was actually the one who got Danny to calm down enough to talk about what he's developed so far. Duke talked about his own powers and how they developed; he's also taken to using them around the manor more to help the baby realize it's okay. It's now fairly common to see both use their powers, even if Danny's usage is still unintentional. Tim wonders if he should ask one of the Martians to help Danny control his, so far Danny has shown invisibility, floating, and phasing through things, he was startled into using them every single time they've manifested. Tim is holding off on contacting anyone yet because Duke and Tim have been double teaming to get Danny comfortable with his powers and making progress.

Plus, Danny regresses every time back into the mute, anxious wreck hiding behind his "safe" person like the first night any time someone new is introduced. So Tim makes sure both Cass and him are present for any introductions. Though, he does think introducing Danny to aliens would go smoother than most others. The kid is absolutely obsessed with everything space related. He lives in space themed clothes and has his own section in the family library because of all the space, physics, and alien culture books he's collected/been gifted. He's read every single one at least twice and is actively trying to learn Martian and Kryptonian, mostly their written language currently since talking is still an ongoing battle. Tim can hardly wait to introduce Danny to Kon.

Speaking of ongoing battles.

"Please, anki, you need a proper name." Damian sounds desperate, "I made a list of names that you can keep your nickname with. Please just pick one."

"Don't wanna." Danny whines quietly. Despite the kid technically being the same physical age as Damian, Danny never acts it, ping-pongs between behaving like literal 4 year old and young teen. Have you tried to tell a 4 year old they need to pick a different name for themselves or stuffed animal or pet or something? It's a battle of patience.

"Please.." Tim blinks as Damian pulls out his saddest puppy eyes. Tim has literally never seen Damian do that. It's not very good, but Danny is the definition of a people pleaser.

"...okay..." Danny reluctantly takes the list from Damian.

"Thank you." Damian gives a small satisfied smile.

"Danny, do you mind if I borrow Damian?" Tim asks in amusement. "Oh, shit!" is clear in Damian's body language, but the lack of real panic in Damian and the teasing vibes Tim is sure he's putting off keeps Danny from panicking. Kid can give Cass a run for her money in reading body language.

"Okay... I'll look at the names while you're gone.." Danny's voice starts fading out by the end of his sentence. Tim expects Danny is going to be mute for the rest of the day. He's come a long way since arriving, but speaking is still hard on him. Tim is positive it's a trauma thing. Another reason to try to convince him to see a therapist.

"We'll be right back." Tim smiles and pulls Damian out of the room and a little ways down the hall. "You taking lessons from the baby?"

"Don't know what you're talking about." Damian grumps.

So Tim puts on his best approximation of the face Damian pulled and in his most pathetic voice goes, "Please..."

Damian turns an interesting shade of red. "Shut up."

"I think it's cute." Tim's face hurts a little from his grinning. He has to shove down the anxiety at that realization, remembering what his own therapist has told him in relation to grinning reminding him of JJ.

"I'll stab you again."

"And upset the baby? Heartless." Tim teases before switching topics. "Do you think you could have Jon visit?"

"Probably, why?"

"I think it's time to introduce Danny to people outside of the family. Jon is a ball of sunshine and an alien, I think he'd be a good start." Tim explains.

"Why not Kon? I'm sure Anki would love to meet a clone like him. Especially one who is an alien and is as different from his template as Danny is to me." Damian points out. "As well as being connected to one of his "security people"."

"I thought about that, but I was also thinking about Jon being closer to his physical age." They discovered Danny has an intense distrust of adults, and while Kon is chronologically closer in age to Danny, he's mentally and physically a 19 year old. He knows Danny will love Kon and vice-versa, but he feels it's worth starting with someone younger.

"... I shall call Jon tonight. I assume Friday after school is acceptable?"

"Yeah, Cass should be hanging out with him all day and I can get off early. Tam knows we got a traumatized baby with separation anxiety." Tim chuckles, "I think she's happy I've been taking care of myself more because of Danny."

"Why have you been doing that?" Damian tilts his head. "It's not a bad thing, but it's out of character."

"I realized I can't be Bruce."

"Wha-?"

"I can't let my worst habits affect a kid that is dependent on my ability to help him figure out his place in the world." Tim feels tired. "How can I help him if I won't help myself?"

"... I see. When you put it that way, I understand." Damian looks thoughtful. "Perhaps I should look into getting a therapist as well."

"I'll send you a list of people I've vetted." Tim says and starts heading back to the room they left Danny in. "Now, let's check on the baby."

Danny is frowning at the list Damian gave him. It's an interesting sight, several names are blacked out with extreme prejudice, and his iPad is opened to the search engine. He seems to be looking up the remaining names' meanings and hating most of them. Any he doesn't hate, he writes the meaning next to with a frown. Tim and Damian occupy themselves while he does this, Danny hates being stared at, especially while working on something.

The silence is broken when Danny crushes the paper. A glance shows he copied 5 of the names and their meanings down in a note app. Danny opens the drawing app he prefers to communicate with while nonverbal.

[I want to think on these. I'll make a decision by dinner tomorrow.]

"Decide on what lastname or names you want and I'll set up a paper trail to prove your identity during the weekend. Damian wouldn't let me or Barb set one up til you picked a "proper" name."

[Ugh! Fine!]

"What do you mean? Anki will have the Wayne last name!"

"Yeah, but he might want mine or Cass's name too. Or maybe he'll decide to take the Al Gul name out of spite." Tim shrugs. "Names have power. Cass and mine would be an extra layer of protection, but he's technically an Al Gul. Kon took the El name to spite Clark and Clark couldn't do shit about it since Kon is technically blood."

"I suppose..." Damian does not look happy about this.

[Your friend's name meanings hope's abomination or false hope?] Danny looks so concerned.

"Yeah. He picked it out himself. He's a clone of Kal-El, better known as Superman or Clark Kent." Tim tries to keep his anger at Clark under wraps, but Danny's weary look tells him he didn't succeed. "Clark and Kon have a better relationship now, but Clark was awful to him for simply existing at first. It's fine for him to feel violated and angry, but it wasn't acceptable that he took it out on a kid who didn't ask to be made."

[Is cloning common?] Danny is intrigued.

"Only in the hero communities. Villains seem to like trying their hand at it. It's hit or miss on how the clone ends up. Some are mindless puppets, some are actually programmed to be an evil version, some literally are just the hero with some "fun" new trauma, and some might be completely unaware their clone statuses. Then there's the clones who know they're clones and are completely different than their DNA donor, but still want to do what's right." Tim explains. "The categories can overlap or a clone can start in one and end up in another."

"Would you be willing to meet Kon-El?"

[Maybe? Is he nice?]

"He's one of Drake's paramours."

"Damian!"

[What's a paramour?]

"He means he's one of my boyfriends." Tim can feel how red his face is.

[Pural???] Danny looks like a whole new realm of possibilities just opened up. It's adorable.

"Yeah, I have 2 boyfriends." Tim smiles, "Having multiple partners is completely fine so long as everyone is in the know and consenting, otherwise that's cheating."

"Stop corrupting my Anki" Damian complains with no heat. And Tim can't let that "challenge" slide.

"Look up the polyamory and being polyamorous, if you want to know more. Also, gender is a lie and sexuality is a mess. Do whatever makes you happy so long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else." Tim says with the tone of someone commenting on pleasant weather. It makes Danny giggle before he opens the search bar to Google what he can on those three topics, wanting to fill his gap in knowledge. Damian and Tim share a fond look. This isn't nearly the first time Danny went on a research binge after a conversation. He has some vast gaps in his knowledge, and he takes it as a personal challenge every time he finds a new hole. It's admirable and adorable to see him so enthusiastic about learning. He has an air of child-like wonder, even if he dislikes the topic.

"Before we lose you to the allure of learning, anki, I'd like to ask if you'd be alright if I brought my best friend over after school on Friday?" Danny looks at Damian in surprise. Tim jumps in.

"His name is Jon, he's kryptonian and Kon's sort of brother and/or nephew. He's Clark's son, but he's always been accepting of Kon, so he'll be nice to you. Especially since Damian cares about you." Danny cautiously studies them before nodding. "Awesome. I plan to be home before them and Cass will definitely be here all day, so if something happens, we will be here."

Danny looks relieved.

"Now, enjoy your research."

[surfeitstar]

reflections - iwaizumi hajime x reader

blended social media au with written pieces

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

pairing — f!reader x iwaizumi hajime (post timeskip)

tags! — modern au, BLENDED smau, post timeskip au, fluff, slowburn-ish, angst/comfort, crack, second chance, exes to lovers, older brother’s best friend, might be ooc, mentions of alcohol, intoxication, smoking, swearing, hookups (nothing explicit), divorce, panic & anxiety attacks, overthinking, occasional questionable humour, fencer!reader, reader is oikawa’s younger sister, kys jokes, sexual jokes, mentions of having anxiety, anxiety medication [will update if there’s more]

status — ongoing!

sypnosis — you don’t care about the messy breakup that happened in high school with your older brother’s best friend, he doesn’t bother you anymore, you think— especially not after years of no contact with him. all you care about is your sport; fencing. you’ve just been selected to represent japan for the olympics in your final year of university, and you couldn’t have been more excited at the opportunity. there’s just one slight problem though— the athletic trainer just so happens to be your said ex boyfriend.

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

introductions ❀༉‧₊˚

emotional support group || tooru hateclub

.𖥔 ‧₊˚ ⋅ જ ⁀➴๋࣭ ⭑ chapters!

🌀 — includes written portions!

chapter 1 — acquainted

chapter 2 — get over it 🌀

chapter 3 — awkward

bonus #1 — past curfew 🌀

chapter 4 — behind the scenes

chapter 5 — familiar 🌀

chapter 6 — torture

chapter 7 — my behalf

chapter 8 — don’t i? 🌀

bonus #2 — jealous 🌀

chapter 9 — not really

chapter 10 — me too. 🌀

chapter 11 — messy

chapter 12 — not slick

chapter 13 — water bottle

chapter 14 — deaduzz?

bonus #3 — sick 🌀

chapter 15 — not jealous

chapter 16 — handcuffs

chapter 17 — we shouldn’t 🌀

chapter 18 — can i breathe

chapter 19 — blame

chapter 20 — falling apart

bonus #4 — the breakup 🌀

bonus #5 — the aftermath 🌀

chapter 21 — tba…

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

a/n — ‘bonus’ chapters are actually flashback chapters (please read them.) also taglist is closed!

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

thanks for reading! all characters belong to haikyuu, all writing belongs to surfeitstar, please do not repost without permission. reblogs are greatly appreciated:) — ©️ 2025

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐖𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐲 || 𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

summary_ you saw Abby almost killing Joel, ran through the frozen woods, believing he was dead, your get attacked by infected, only to wake up to a much worse scenario, Joel was taking care of you, with no mobility in one leg, a deformed face and the need to never let go of his wife.

warnings_ age gap (implied late 20s but you can ignore that), GORE, HEAVY ANGST, reader vomits and faints, fallacy references, canon divergence, medical inaccuracies in the following parts, anxiety, overthinking, trauma, panic attack, short part and no proofreading.

Notes_ JOEL IS NOT DEAD, HE GOT UP FOR HIS WIFE AND KIDS

「 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐲: 𝐑𝐞𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐞, 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 」 (part one)

「 𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫: 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 」 (part two, which this fic belongs to)

♫ ♪ the worst playlist 4 Pedro

✰ Index (+ fics here)

୨ৎ───୨ৎ───୨ৎ———୨ৎ───୨ৎ

In the morning, after breakfast, Joel and you went out on patrol. Since the moment you woke up, your heart was pounding already.

Your hand was placed near your heart, as the other was doing everything to keep riding your beloved horse; star.

“Is everything okay?” Joel asks, riding beside you.

“I think I’ve been feeling some arrhythmia since I woke up…”

“Do you think your anemia is back?” He asks, worriedly.

“I don’t know, love” your voice showed some defeat for some reason.

Your health had improved since you arrived in Jackson five years ago. You looked healthy, even in shape after many patrols, hunting, and escapades with your family. Maria had been strict about you going to a doctor each year to check on your blood tests and cross out any anomalies. You would live with many issues, but you doubted you’d ever touch base like you did almost a decade ago in Boston.

After giving birth to Cerise, you promised to be healthy for your baby. And each time you had to leave her, your heart ached.

You constantly look back at Jackson. Worried and hoping that the drill was over.

“Cerise is going to be fine, baby,” Joel says, knowing you were worried about the little girl.

Joel loved his daughter, he was beyond overprotective with her. But he trusted Tommy, Maria, and his friends. Dina swore to take care of Cerise during the drill and that relieved both you and Joel.

“Yeah, she’s safe no matter what…” you say trying to convince yourself.

But your face demonstrated you were not pleased at all. Joel also knew his wife was protective of her family. So the best he could attempt to do was to distract you.

“You look very pretty today,” Joel said with a playful smile. He was trying to get you in a calm mood despite the worry of the drill, the snowstorm, and Ellie likely in a different patrol.

“You think so?” There was nothing special about your look that day.

Loose jeans, boots, a black turtleneck top with a heavy jacket, and earmuffs.

“Yeah, baby” The way he eye fucked you set your cheeks on fire.

As the years passed, Joel grew confused. When Ellie distanced from him, you and him separated for two months. After getting back together, he had been debating whether to return to his usual loving self he grew out to be after couple therapy or not. But you had proven him to be willing to be just as doting as he could be.

“Love you!” You said, blowing a kiss to him.

“I love you too, dear,” Joel said back.

It didn’t matter how much your body changed over the years if you grew your hair long or decided to cut it short. Whether it was summer or winter, Joel Miller would cherish you every single day. Even on the worst possible day, your husband would always come back to you.

…

Joel had grown trustful. It wasn’t a coincidence that the moment he took the hand of the random woman about to be eaten by the infected, your heart started pounding faster.

You said no when she offered to take you both to the place she had spent the night, but Joel made you a sign with his head that it was okay.

Now, you are being held by two people, looking at Joel and his bleeding knee, fearing the worst.

Who the fuck was Abby? And why she was so mad at your husband?

“She’s the wife? Attractive too” she says eyeing you with a fake smirk.

“Aren’t you a little too young for an old man like him?” You could kill her, but she was a stranger, whom you couldn’t feel anything towards.

But she revealed the truth, giving you flashbacks of Salt Lake City. And how the fireflies were going to experiment with you and your unborn child.

You don’t say anything, you barely eye her, the only thing that made you have some click with her was that she also lost her family at a young age.

“How could you marry a cruel man like him? Let alone let him give you a child?” Your eyes snapped open at the mention of Cerise. “Your daughter is not of my concern”

Joel wants to run and tell you it’s going to be fine, but seeing your bloody face and fingers purple and swollen, he started to feel like that was it.

“Answer me. Why him?” Abby asked, standing in front of you. She was taller than you; just a few years younger.

“He unfairly ruined your life. But he saved mine…” her bitter smile turned into a chuckle full of hate.

“I bet he did,” she said before turning back to Joel.

You could understand her pain, but she would never know all the things you endured.

You don’t give a fuck whatever the woman is saying, you just exchange looks with Joel and he was trying to calm you, but you couldn’t feel anything but panic.

To her, Joel ruined her life, but he saved yours. Joel was your savior and the reason why you had everything you always wanted. You refused to let her take that away from you.

But there wasn’t much you could do to stop it. You couldn’t do anything and that was killing you. Time was passing so rapidly and so slowly at the same time.

Her hand touched his forehead like she was trying to prove one last time that it was real, that she would get her desired revenge. You started squirming when the woman started beating Joel.

“I sympathize with your daughter, Joel” she whispered in his ear. “She will also know what it feels to lose her father”

His screams and groans of pain started mixing with your sobs. He tried to crawl away but it was useless. You turned to see Ellie entering the room, soon a man throws her to the floor and you yelp.

“ELLIE!” The girl looks at you horrified, even terrified of the sight. Her head starts rambling, trying to do something, but she can’t.

The woman and man holding at you were failing to keep you still. Nothing had prepared you to see the horrific sight of Joel covered in blood, his face swollen and barely breathing.

Your screams were bothering everyone, giving them heartache for the future widow and single mother you were gonna be.

“JOEL!” You yell his name over and over. Your heart, mind and soul breaking each time more and more.

“PLEASE! HE’S MY HUSBAND!” You begged over and over as more blood pooled around the man you loved. “STOP! PLEASE, JUST STOP!”

“We should’ve sedated her,” said one of the girls in the group, but nobody answered her.

One guy entered the room panicked and everyone turned to look at him.

“The horde is coming this way” everyone panicked.

But Abby hadn’t finished until the same guy went to grab her by the waist.

“ABBY, IT’S OVER! HE’S DEAD” He screamed at her. “WE HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW!”

“RUN, Y/N!” you heard Ellie screaming at you. Then you realize they’ve let you go, probably because they got scared after the news of the horde.

Your tears didn’t let you give Joel one last glance before you started running towards the door after the man and woman holding you flickered in panic due to the situation.

“Let her go. She will live to tell the tragedy of her husband” Abby said to her mates after they tried to go after you. “Let’s go!”

Your boots were sinking in the snow, it was nearly impossible to run.

You started hearing the screams and grunts of the infected. Your hands clumsily pull out your walkie talkie and you try to reach out for somebody.

“TOMMY?” nothing, not a single glitchy sound of hope. “TOMMY! Do you copy me? Please…”

It was too much to handle. Your tears couldn’t stop, blinding your vision, the beating of your heart pounded and you could hear it.

As you ran, the pain of having just lost your husband assaulted you. You couldn’t say goodbye. You couldn’t grab his corpse to give him a proper funeral.

If Jackson was alive, you’d return to an empty house, where you’d raise Cerise… without his father.

You ran away without looking back for Cerise and Ellie. For them and only them.

You started hearing a ringing in your ears, your arms felt heavy and before you could control your body, you fell on your knees to vomit, with your eyes hurting and still squeezing more tears.

You scream.

Everything you wished for had been taken away from you twice.

You sob loud enough to draw the attention of some infected. What was once a pair of two women a teenager run after you. But you aren’t able to run so far.

They tackle you and start biting your body as you scream and cry. You feel them sinking their teeth in your skin, wounding like sharp knives. You feel how two of your fingernails are pulled off and how the fingers begin to go numb.

At that moment, you started closing your eyes. You swore your life flashed before your eyes. Every moment of happiness in your life appeared in your eyes. Your family made you happy. The one that brought you the world and the one you started on your own. You thank having the chance to experience being a mother with Cerise and Ellie and you thank life for pairing you with Joel.

And the last thought that ran through your head before losing consciousness, was that you despised death, but you weren’t afraid of it.

…

Your eyes snap open and you are blinded by the sun. You want to move but you can’t. As your vision starts gaining light, your head also gains sense.

You can’t breathe, it hurts to fill your lungs with air. You don’t feel your left hand and all of your extremities burn.

You are at the entrance of the gold club. But how did you get there if you ran down the hill the day before?

You hear a pair of boots and your head turns alert.

A figure gets closer, limping and taking a very long time to sit beside you.

You force your eyes to focus, but when a pair of hands start caressing your face, tears start running through your cheeks.

“Oh my god! Joel!” you can barely focus your mind and gaze on him.

“We’re alive…” it’s all he said, with a dry voice. You feel his hands holding yours but you are very disoriented to properly identify his touch.

His face is swollen. There was a lot of dry blood across his face, some of his hair frozen along more blood, his under eye purple and black.

He had broken his skull.

More tears pool in your eyes as you try to reach his face to touch it. He gently pushed your hand away. The air wasn’t enough after doing that movement.

“Joel… I think my ribs are broken” you said, noticing it’s taking a lot of strength to breathe and talk.

“Breathe slowly,” Joel says.

Tears start flowing down your cheeks as rage invades you.

Your husband was hurt, you were hurt. Your babies were gone from your side.

You can’t understand what’s happening.

“I can’t do this,” you say between sobs, feeling like your ribs are going to explode. “Not again…” you start mumbling, feeling exhausted even though you had just opened your eyes.

“We’re alive, Ellie and Cerise are alive too” Joel repeats. “It’s all that matters…”

You see Joel’s deformed face because of the swollen areas covered in blood, his left eye barely visible and his hair a mess of blood and frozen sweat. You cry harder, feeling an unbearable pain flowing all across your body, shattering your soul.

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere” you sob harder at his words, ignoring the excruciating pain in your ribs.

Once again, you have been traumatized. Just like the time you woke up after having to kill your family when they got infected. You feel your legs are bandaged and you wonder how long had passed since you were bitten and had fainted. You have so many questions. And you can’t wait to feel better to have a proper conversation. Although it would only make knowledge of the tragedy that had happened.

You have lost your family. Your husband was barely alive, you were nearly dying.

You never thought you would experience so much misery since you killed your family. You feared this time was worse. Your husband was excruciatingly wounded, you were dying if you didn’t stop crying.

And that would be a problem. The waves of agony were taking you, threatening to drown you to death. Even if Joel was alive, breathing by your side, the image of him being hit and punched would never leave your mind, the image of Jackson in flames, knowing Cerise was there and knowing Ellie was somewhere else, it was more than enough to shatter you once again.

The days would pass and you knew the tears would not stop. But the thought of Joel being alive and breathing made you realize, you could bear it.

Your agony would not kill your hopes of restoring your family. At that point, nothing could be worse.

“Stop crying or I’m losing you, y/n”

“Never,” you say through sobs and huffs of pain. “You’re not losing me, Joel”

Joel can’t articulate any expression on his face. But you know he tried to smile.

He was breaking your heart by being alive.

______________

I cried the whole time I was taking a shower after watching episode two 🚬

Taglist: @just-mj-or-not @mmkkzz @hiroikegawa @nosebeers @glitterspark (tell me if u want to be added or removed from masterlist)

[lay-z]

Another Johnny blurb :) A bit of folklore in this.

After barely surviving and recovering from a gunshot to the head by Makarov, Johnny is sent on medical leave, back to live on his elderly parents' farm in Scotland.

Now blind in his left eye and with the decline of his hearing, he keeps himself busy as best as he can helps taking care of the farm animals around, tends to the large pond in the spacious backyard and catches up with some old friends.

However, now suffering from nervous anxiety, Johnny picks up hiking as his new favourite pastime, needing to get away from the hubbub of his hovering family more than ever; his injury causing him excruciating headaches and, if he's particularly unlucky, panic attacks.

He takes his new journal on his hikes, buys a few more pencils (in case one breaks while he's out again), and finds the most bonnie places to catch a break and either sketch away or write down his memories because he doesn't quite trust his brain anymore.

One day, after hiking down a new path he found on a yellowed map from his late gran'da, Johnny finds a dale straight out of a fairytale.

Honey-bright rays of sunshine break through the surrounding treetops of willows, rowans, and copper beeches, shrouding the scenery in a myriad of shades of yellow and green while the local fauna goes about its merry day, ignoring Johnny like he's just another lost intruder stumbling upon the place.

And Johnny feels drawn to the overflowing creek after the earlier summer downpour, finds a cluster of moss-covered rocks, and decides to take a well-deserved break until his good right eye catches sight of someone already occupying the spot.

A woman clad in something he can only describe as... historical. The dress she wears is dripping with water, her wet hair sticking to her equally dewy skin, an aura of mystery and sorrow surrounding her as she sits there all by herself.

"Oi, miss? Ye shouldnae be around here by yerself. Ye need help find yer way back?"

You glance at him over your shoulder, and Johnny bristles, pulled forward, and screamed at to run by his most primal instincts simultaneously. At first, he doesn't even notice the sudden eerie silence surrounding him, blames it on his bad ears, but there is no more chirping and bird songs only the trickling of the nearby stream gently rushing in his ears.

Steamin' Jesus, she's beautiful. Hauntingly breathtaking that one. A wee bit strange perhaps, he thinks, but

"Death clings to ye, lad," you tell him matter-of-factly, tilting your head as you regard him with murky yet curious eyes, "and he'll come fer ye again."

Your nonchalant remark, spoken so sweetly, nearly knocks him onto his knees like a physical blow. The grip on his leatherbound journal tightens, knuckles whitening as he takes panting breaths to rid himself of the bile suddenly rising in his throat.

It's then he knows what you are, and while Johnny has lost his youthful wonder and believe of his own countries folklore, he can't help but believe that you must be a bean-nighe, a washerwoman.

An omen of death.

"N-no," Johnny croaks out, eyes widening with disbelief and fear before shaking his head so harshly, it worsens the headache already sneaking up on him. "Tha's not true! Tha's not Tha's not possible. I'm home! I'm safe here!"

Then, the softest smile lifts the corner of your mouth, and your buried maternal instinct makes you want to reach out to soothe his worries while he's already scrambling clumsily to get a grip.

"You'll see, sweet man," you snicker, standing up to watch him run, leaving your valley. "We will meet again."

And how was Johnny supposed to know that you simply wanted tell him about missing Simon's phone call? He didn't even give you a chance to clarify.

Ghoap x spirit!Reader ? Or perhaps I should make her a pixie :)

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

🐣Freestyle Astrology Observations 🐣

Aries Sun’s will always want to be perceived as unique and different.

Taurus Sun’s can be cheap and meticulous with money.

Gemini Sun’s can become very dogmatic about religion if they believe in it.

Cancer Sun’s can be either serial daters, always in a relationship or just the opposite and never date or in a relationship.

Leo Sun’s can act like they are loners

Virgo Sun’s can be very into new age spirituality, tarot, numerology, astrology.

Libra Sun’s can either be very picky with who they date or date whoever gives them attention.

Scorpio Sun’s can give people chance after chance. It’s as if when they say they’re done it isn’t true.

Sagittarius Sun’s can be so pessimistic when life isn’t in their favor. They can be chronic complainers.

Capricorn Sun’s can be very mean. I mean they can say nasty things without even seeing the impact of their words. But they also seem to always have some struggle in life ( medical issues, drug addicts, losing a parent, going bankrupt or losing a lot of money, traumatic childhood).

Aquarius Sun’s can either come across as dry and boring or unique and exciting.

Pisces Sun’s are the sign I feel that people can often mistaken for another sign.

Aries Rising’s can attract a lot of negative attention or unwanted criticism.

Taurus Risings can be perceived as having money even when they don’t.

Gemini Risings can be recognized by their voice

Cancer Rising may go through a lot of changes in their life, moving around, different partners, different workplace.

Leo Risings may feel like people are always looking at them or they can just feel very exposed

Virgo Risings can over analyze their own thoughts or constantly be in their head about everything they do.

Libra Rising can either be focused on making themselves look so good ( physically) or making their life look so good ( career, house, car, relationship, family).

Scorpio Risings can experiment with their sexuality a lot in this lifetime or find that the end of their relationships drastically change the trajectory of their lives.

Sagittarius Risings can become guru’s, sages, spiritual leaders, or life coaches.

Capricorn Risings can often be the person in the family who breaks generational curses or steps up to make sure the family succeeds or takes care of family.

Aquarius Risings can be the ones to change their family tree, do something different, no children, more children than others in the family, different race children. They are the odd child or person in their family.

Pisces Risings can be seen as innocent or misjudged incorrectly, may project an image that isn’t true or may see other people this way.

Aries Moon’s may struggle to grasp how they truly feel and they can also feel their emotions make them volatile.

Taurus Moon’s can be fake deep.

Gemini Moon’s can do best at expressing their feelings through poetry, story telling, blogging, writing in a diary or journal or texting friends.

Cancer Moon’s can be subject to change how they feel about anything or anyone all of the time. Also extremely absorbent of others emotions.

Leo Moon’s can find it hard to hide how they truly feel.

Virgo Moon’s can find themselves interested in people and things that they are emotionally attached to.

Libra Moon’s can become shopaholics and find it hard to put in hard work.

Scorpio Moon’s deal with intense and extreme emotions and often no one knows how much they’re struggling.

Sagittarius Moon’s may have a lot of friends because they boost people’s self-esteem and motivate others.

Capricorn Moon’s can come across as somber and need to feel needed.

Aquarius Moon’s can have moments where their emotions become chaotic and uncontrollable. Sudden outbursts, rage, panic attacks, anxiety, meltdowns, hyperventilating.

Pisces Moon’s can feel easily disturbed and need healthy environments to thrive or they become delusional and negative.

Personal Observations

• Leo women can have other women jealous of them and it’s usually either because of the attention they get or some physical feature they have.

• Pisces can be extremely influenced by their siblings or close relatives. Say they have a cousin or older brother that is a certain way, they end up following in their footsteps.

• Capricorn women can dish it, but can’t take it.

• Leo men easily become “ lover boys”.

• Leo men can also lie straight to you in your face and not even blink an eye.

• Sagittarius women relationships never last. They always fall hard even if they play hard to get but they just don’t last.

• Scorpio men have this deep desire to gain power through money. They are the kind of people willing to do what it takes to ensure they’re successful.

• Libra women can have a lot of friends that they dislike are or jealous of.

• Also, I find that Libra’s usually end up being LGBTQIA+.

• Cancer men love when a woman chases after them or does the initiating.

• Cancer men also can be users especially when they aren’t over their ex.

• I find that Scorpio men’s persistence at times is a detriment in dating. For their goals, it can help them get to where they want to be, but with love it can make them frustrated and end up going for the person they didn’t have to chase after.

• I find that Gemini men often date out of curiosity. They don’t have to particularly be into you; but if you intrigue them in anyway they will play around with the idea of “dating” you.

• Scorpio women can be a “ girls girl” the most when they’re single. When they’re in a relationship they can be a “ pick- me”.

• I feel like Virgo men are either dysfunctional, chaotic, and mean or orderly, goal-oriented and kind.

• Aries men are looking for their soulmate, woman of their dreams, their other half. When they meet a woman they feel that way towards they can become delusional.

• Aries men also love people they can mentally connect with. They can be so talkative with the right people and dead quiet with people they don’t fuck with.

• Pisces men are so good at making you fall in love with them. It’s like they have the cheat code. Which is why I think they are hated so much because they end up breaking hearts.

• Leo women always seem to have a type. They’re also low key delusional.

• Capricorn men love women, but they always end up in drama dealing with women.

• I feel like Sagittarius women have a lot of pride

• Cancer women can become so engrossed in a man. It’s not even delusional because they know it’s not healthy, but they always choose partners that they have to struggle with.

[ask-an-epidemiologist]

Why "COVID anxiety" is not an actual disorder

In psychiatric terms, a phobia is considered as such if, and only if, it is unreasonable. So, an average person experiencing panic attacks at the sight of bees would be considered to have a phobia, because they are more afraid than the risk bees present to them.

However, a person with a fatal allergy to bee stings would not be considered apiphobic. This is because, with the risk of death bees present to them, having panic attacks is considered a rational reaction.

I'm sure you can already understand my point.

COVID not only can kill you (particularly if you're medically vulnerable), but it can cause severe disability. Even ignoring that people who have had COVID in the last three weeks are 81 times likelier to die of cardiac events than uninfected people, survivors of COVID are also 40% likelier to develop neurological sequelae. Rates of POTS or other dysautonomias (dysfunctions of the autonomous nervous system, which can be anywhere from "uncomfortable" to "rendering a patient bedridden") are through the roof, and neurologists are finding huge increases in the under-45 demographic of their dementia patients- a demographic that was previously extremely rare.

If someone wears protective eyewear while welding because they don't want to be blinded by an arc flash, we consider that a normal and reasonable precaution. So why are people who mask being labeled as "anxious about COVID" considering that this virus will very likely disable them if not kill them outright?

"COVID anxiety" is a rational behavior, not a medical diagnosis- so why are we treating it as one? Simple: it's another politicization of medicine. Just as "hysteria" was used to silence women, and lobotomization was used to subjugate inconvenient people (especially of rival political affiliations), "COVID anxiety" is being used to silence those who refuse to cooperate with the false narrative that COVID is over and/or no big deal. The very sight of a mask is a stark reminder to medical officials and laymen alike that they should be doing something they aren't. It's why some doctors aren't even "letting" chemo patients, one of the most severely immunocompromised demographics, do this. Because even though they are carefully avoiding a lot more illnesses than COVID, the sight of the mask still makes the doctor think of the COVID precautions they are ignoring first and foremost.

That is to say, "COVID anxiety" is a punitive diagnosis made by doctors when they are angry at the discomfort they feel when their patients remind them of their utter inadequacy, and they created this solely to stigmatize and demean patients to ensure they wouldn't subvert the expected power dynamic again.

Zero competent medical professionals actually use this terminology for their patients, and if yours uses it for you, run, don't walk, to a new clinic. Helping you is a secondary goal at best for your doctor.

[priyajoyy]

do you have any more hc of bunny and the others precrash

esp with her anxiety and how the team help

Ofcc!! Just wrote these on the train because I had some ideas

Hope you like what I’ve come up with <3

I’ve focused mainly on Lottie, Nat, Shauna and van but all the girls are aware and help where they can

Bunny anxiety hcs

🐇 Lottie is always on top of bunny’s medication

🎀 their schedules for taking meds are basically the same so she’s always keeping on top of when bunny needs to take them and making sure she does

🍸 she’s one of bunny’s closest friends and who bunny opens up to about her issues the most given they can bond about it

🎟️ she’s always one of the first ones on her when somethings wrong

🎻 she got bunny a bracelet that she wears every day to fiddle with if she gets anxious to try help her with picking at her nails

🛵 and she’s always offering up her hands for bunny to hold

🧸 all the girls are aware of and helpful with bunny’s anxiety

🍓 but Shauna, van, Lottie and Nat are the most aware of it all

🎧 bunny doesn’t like when stuff goes against plan

🪵 Shauna is the best at trying to keep bunny’s schedule the same

💌 she’ll join her inbetween lessons on the same days each week and is hyper aware that she’s never late to meeting bunny so bunny doesn’t stress

🍰 she’s alwaysssss early to pick her up in the morning or meet up for plans

🎫 she’s very big on holding bunny’s hands

🕯️even more so than Lottie

⚰️ always letting her fiddle with her fingers or touch her somehow to keep her grounded and distract her from tearing up her own fingers instead

🧚🏻 I can also see her scrapbooking with bunny constantly

💅 both of them on the floor of bunny’s bedroom with journals and paper surrounding them while bunny meticulously documents and plans her life and Shauna rages in her journal

👒 Shauna will never do much special in hers and bunny will force her to add stickers and pretty paper to it to make it all pretty

👛 (bunny definitely has millions of stickers she’s collected over the years but doesn’t use any of them unless she has duplicates because she’s terrified of wasting them)

🎞️ Natalie prefers to help out silently

⭐️ she’s more of an observer and we already know she keeps bunny at arms lengths before the crash so she’ll not do much that bunny’s actually aware of

🍒 but she’s the first to try calm the girl down if she has a panic attack, or quietly hint at her to remember her medicine

🕊️ and if anyone ever questions it, she’ll play it off as nothing

🧁 she just wanted to get on with the soccer game and can’t do that fi bunny is freaking out it doesn’t mean anything???

☕️ she’s also so so sweet with her when she knows she’s stressed

🪽she’s so good at working out bunny’s tells and realising if somethings wrong and she’s quick to adjust to it without it being too noticeable

🩰 she has a softer voice with bunny than anyone else especially during these times

🧺 and she keeps everyone quiet to keep bunny calm and plays it off as just having a headache and wanting everyone to shut the fuck up

🍨her main way of helping is offering bunny a cigarette or a lighter to light one

🍪 she doesn’t have to speak to her but she knows she’s helping her destress (even if it’s not the best method though who is Nat to judge)

🍦 and no one can make a big deal about it cause, it’s just a cigarette?

📺 van isnt as naturally as good with dealing with bunny’s problems and anxiety as the others are

🥞 she’s leant how to help her and knows the basic stuff but she’s tends to get pretty stressed out about it and panics

🦢 that being said she definitely tries to help

🪷 she’s the best at distracting her, making her laugh and chatting to her about other things while she’s having panic attacks

🍒 but van gets a lot better once they’re in the wilderness because there’s not as many others to help bunny out instead

🍥 plus she’s off her meds and in a very stressful situation so her anxiety is a lot worse

🐏 so she knows she needs to because bunny needs it and she wants to help her friend

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hi, so I'm not really sure how to ask this idk, it feels very personal and maybe tmi, and I guess it depends on one's level of bottom dysphoria, but basically, do you (or anyone else who wants to share) have any advice or anything with how to cope with having to go through a physical exam for bottom stuff/ a pap smear for the first time?

I'm asking this as someone who has and always has had severe bottom dysphoria to the point that I've never done anything with those parts and literally never even touched myself. I've just lived painfully aware that I have that stuff but simultaneously pretending as much as possible that I don't. So just the thought of "having to" get that done, being touched there by someone etc, makes me sick and gives me anxiety and I just full on do not want to do that. Ever. But apparently I have to if I'm ever gonna get a hysto, which I really really want.

So now I just feel like it's lose/lose. Either I have to let someone touch me in a way that just thinking about me makes me sick, or I can never get a part of transition that I've been wanting forever since I was kid and learned about my anatomy.

And I just.. mentally, emotionally, physically in every way just really don't know how to deal with that.

I guess it's not that big of a deal for people who don't have bottom dysphoria or not that much of it, and honestly sometimes I feel kinda alone (and almost guilty? Like it's wrong somehow?) in how extremely uncomfortable I am with bottom stuff compared to how I've seen other people be chill with it, but yeah.. idk what to do or how to cope with this.

Don't feel bad about feeling bad -- I may like my dick, but that hole gives me panic attacks and I'm not looking forward to my own exam coming up soon. I worry every time that I am going to kick someone in the face by accident. :/

A pelvic exam/pap is not required to begin HRT, but you will need one for most hystos. Plus, it's just good preventative care. Also, if you are young enough, get your HPV vaccine (a 2 shot series, iirc) to help prevent cervical cancer.

Things that have helped me during gyn exams:

Take the entire day off, if you can. Have a treat set up for after your appointment.

Go with a friend, if possible. They may not be able to be with you in the exam room, but they can at least drive you and wait for you.

Be firm that this is hard for you and anything they can do to make it easier will be helpful.

Put your shirt back on after the breast exam. I don't take "no" for an answer here. Having an extra bit of clothing on makes me feel better.

Ask for the "pediatric" speculum -- it's smaller and won't hurt as bad. Insist on it.

Have something you can grip to take your focus off below.

If they want to do a sonogram, refuse the transvaginal one. Do it the old fashioned way, which will require drinking a lot of water. They can deal.

Don't be embarrassed if your self-care afterwards requires crying, or similar. This is an exhausting thing to do, no matter how brave a face you put on in the exam room. I usually just crawl back into bed to sleep it off.

Above all, never take comments like "just man up" or whatever from the medical team. If that happens, be mean back, or simply get up, get dressed, and leave. Find someone else if you have to.

Scripts I have used. Workshop your own and practice them:

"This is my first time. I'm worried this will be a very uncomfortable exam physically and emotionally for me and I would appreciate anything you can do to make it easier. It helps me if you explain everything as we go."

"I do not have penetrative sex, so would like to try the smallest speculum lubed up best you can."

"I am going to put my shirt back on. It will help me be calmer for the rest of the exam."

If they are rude: "You are being unkind and I will walk out of here and find another provider if this attitude continues."

If they insist on a transvag sonogram: "I will only do an external sonogram. We can schedule it another day for me to prep, or give me time to drink the necessary water." (This is hard, btw -- it is enough water to make you vomit.)

Do whatever mental larping you need to do to get through it all. It's important to psych yourself up so you can control as much as possible. Remember, you can stop things whenever you want. If they are mean, all bets are off.

If you're like me, it will suck, but please try not to put it off. But getting through it means you can tackle anything else related to transition, should you go that route. Seriously, if you can do this, you are fucking golden. Take care. <3

(Additional stories/advice are welcome from folks, being trans masc not required!)

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Missing pieces

Bucky Barnes x Reader

After settling back into society, Bucky finds himself a new family.

Descriptions of night terrors forced upon Bucky. PTSD struggles. I'm uneducated about the mentioned medications and their effects. Not beta'd I finished this at 1am last night so I apologize for any missed typos.

After Wakanda Bucky had finally started to reinsert himself into society. With help from Sam, annoyingly frequent therapy sessions and his own amend-making he felt like he was doing well enough if he said so himself.

Getting rid of his long hair with help from Sarah took a huge weight off his shoulders as well. The long locks no longer shadowed his face and had him jump in panic at the sight of his own reflection.

He did still hide his arm from view, unsure how people would respond to it. Even though he himself didn't associate the new sleek black and gold arm with his past, he wasn't comfortable enough to have it on display.

Not even now, as he sat at the diningtable with with the woman he now dared to call his partner, or girlfriend, and her three judgemental teenage kids.

Triplets, he had learned. Two girls and a boy.

They all liked him now, all four people he shared the table with, and he felt welcome. Something he had only ever felt in Wakanda and eventually with Sam's family as well. It felt good.

It felt so good, he wanted to stay with her and stay happy forever. Because he did feel genuinely happy.

Until the nightmares came back.

Bucky had blamed them on a variety of things, none of them really making sense on second thought but he ignored those thoughts.

What he couldn't ignore was the clawing at the back of his eyes and the voice in his head trying to talk to him. He could never seem to make out the words.

He sat at the diningtable again, his phome laid out in front of him after having stayed in bed for so long he missed everyone leaving for work or school.

His phone sat ready for the call button to be pressed, Shuri's picture staring back at him as he smiled fondly at the memory for a second before the dread of having to admit to her that something was wrong with him took over once more.

With a deep, grounding breath he pressed call. The line rang as the timer counted the seconds until she answered.

"Barnes, friend, what can I do for you? It's been a while!" She knew Bucky wouldn't call just to see how she was doing. He wasn't that kind of person. Besides, if he did want to, he'd text.

It was best to just rip the bandaid off.

"Something's wrong with me." The line fell quiet for a moment before Shuri spoke up.

"Words, Bucky. I can't read your mind through the phone. Even Wakandan tech isn't that advanced." God, he loved her for always having some smart comment ready to lighten his anxiety.

"You said you freed me from him.. He's trying to talk to me, I keep hearing him in thr back of my mind. It feels like he's clawing at the back of my eyeballs but I can't figure out what he's saying. The nightmares are back, too. Always the same one.."

Shuri listened, giving an occasional hum to let Bucky know she was getting everything he shared.

Bucky told her about the Winter Soldier's tone, what was around him when he'd show up to maybe figure out a trigger. Bucky also shared about his nigntmare aa well as he could without talking himself into a panic attack. He shared how he felt like he was back in the Soldier's body, not his own but still entirely aware. The wires going into his prosthetic and the heavy shock collar that woke him up whenever his dream-self would disobey orders.

He shared how he was forced to watch something. A woman in labor, he never saw her face. She was restrained on a medical bed surrounded by doctors and equipment, straining as she was having her baby. Babies, sometimes. It differed, depening if his body behaved. Whenever he'd do as much as flinch or pull his chains too harsh he'd get shocked and woke up from the torment.

His voice trembled as he recalled the nightmares returning the second he fell asleep whenever he hadn't made it to a certsin part. It felt like his mind needed him to remember, for whatever reason it was.

Bucky was so lost in thought he hadn't even realized he had company.

"I can offer you some meds, for your head."

The sudden third voice coming from behind him almost sent him over the edge of the already impending panic attack.

"H.. how much did you hear?" Bucky sat half turned in the chair, staring wide eyed at Gabriel, your oldest son, who was holding out a strip of pills for the older man.

"Enough to know you will absolutely benefit from those." Gabe could see the lingering shock in Bucky's eyes and decided to not yet drop the other obvious thing in the room and instead keep on rambling to distract him.

"Trust me, these may kick in a bit slow, but at least they help you fall asleep with a quiet mind instead of your brain wondering if snails have feelings the second you lie down." He watched Bucky face scrunch in confusion. "They also make sure you wake up without the urge to stick a fork in the electrical outlet."

"You deal with all of that?" Bucky's initial worry had left the building at how Gabriel described his issues. Gabriel only shrugged, it was all normal for him.

"I can't just take anyone's meds whenever my head acts weird. Besides, I don't think our issues come from the same place." Bucky had turned back to sit in his chair properly while Gabriel rummaged around the kitchen, making coffe for them both, entirely unphazed by the very old man staying in his home.

It was Gabriel's casualness around Bucky's accidental identity reveal though a phonecall and shortsleeved shirt that he decided his own apartment could survive one more day without him in it.

The two spent the whole day talking. Bucky truthfully answered questions, and Gabriel shared the struggles of his family that he believed the older man could relate to.

Struggles like his sister Ava, who barely spoke and once threw a guy agross a room without breaking a sweat after bullying her for months. Or their youngest brother Michael who to everyone else seemed like the most normal of the bunch, a simple, easily bored guy, who was really the smartest of the bunch. No need for books after one quick read and in every advanced placement class the school had to offer. But all of that was came with the worst social life. No friends besides his siblings and the occasional stranger to chat about topics with online.

Gabriel kept some details to himself, in the end there were things not his place to share. Intel he had and kept hidden from his siblings because he was just too curious one day and dug too deep into the wrong end after one too many emotional breakdowns at his mother talking through her night terrors. It wasn't something they should be worrying about either.

Time passed and eventually the two were so deep into conversarion they barely registered the remainder of the household coming home, starting with the two siblings who darted to their rooms in an instant, followed by her.

Mom, girlfriend, who entered wordlessly and strolled into the livingroom expecting to find it empty but instead rounding the corner and seeing Gabriel, and "Bucky?"

Both turned to face her direction. Bucky turning to look over his left shoulder, arm casually slung over the backrest to get a better look at his girlfriend coming home. He was all sweet smiles excited to see her again, until he realized his mistake. The sheer panic in her eyes broke his heart as he quickly retracted his arm, trying to hide it behind the couch but the damage was already done and Gabriel was on his feet and on his way to support his mother.

Except she swatted his hand away without a second thought, backing up into the dining table and almost tripping on her own feet. "Why didn't you text me? Gabe?"

The wide eyed stare did nothing to hide her fear. Fear that faded into emptiness.

It was that same emptiness she fell into sometimes when she just got her new medication and forgot to take it in time.

'Falling back into memories.' was what the doctors had called it when they explained how people with PTSD would sometimes have episodes of reliving traumatic experiences inside their head. That was the clearest description they could give to a bunch of scared kids who had to watch their mom become this shell of a person out of nowhere.

"Gabe, talk to me. What's going on with her? Why does she disappear like that?" Bucky was on his feet, ready to lead her to the couch and sit her down but his moves were quickly shut down.

"Look, I think I know where she is right now, and it's a bad memory. I'll get her back, I used to be the one doing it all the time before until she finally got taking her medication into her routine. Just.. don't look her in the eyes. She's probably gonna be terrified of you."

"Sorry.." Gabriel quicky added before he set into his routine of getting his mother back like clockwork.

In the meantime two curious heads had shown up near the entryway, dead silent as they watched and observed. Neither knew why their mom went quiet after so long of doing fine. They knew to keep quiet so they watched as she slowly came back and started mumbling at their older brother.

Without looking in her direction Bucky focused on her words.

Soft pleas to make it stop, calling out for nurses, pain and tiredness until she went quiet again for a minute.

"Hey mom, what's for dinner?" Gabriel's voice called out not as loud as he usually would but still mimicing the simple tone of the daily annoying question of every teenager ever. The most normal everyday sentence that would always have her snap right back.

And she did, with a deep intake of breath she blinked rapidly and turned to face her son. "Oh! Eh.. Didn't I take food out of the freezer this morning?" She turned to face the kitchen and passed two curious faces in the process that immediately informed her of what had happened. With a sigh she turned back in her seat, catching something in the corner of her eye and settling once more on Bucky. This time without falling into a panic, but she still stiffened in her chair. While he wasn't looking at her, she still saw enough of him. His eyes, that were just a little too blue to be natural.

His hair. It was short and clean but it matched. And the arm. It was no longer silver and missing the red star but it was still there out in the open now instead of hidden under many layers of clothing.

He had succesfully hidden it from her for so long. Not sleeping in bed with her, never taking up the offers to shower.

"Soldier.."

That was Gabriel's que. He nodded over his siblings to come sit with their mom while he scurried off and came back with a blue file folder in his hands. He apologized as he handed it off, letting their mother see things she never knew about herself. Or, more about her children.

The stamps in the corner of the copied and reprinted documents sent a chill down her spine.

"Where did you get this? How, why?" With every word read more questions bubbled up, down to the second she had turned two, three pages over and slammed the whole thing shut. Papers dropped and scattered over the floor as she stared back at the man on her couch with--

Bucky couldn't make out the look on her face. She didn't speak either but at least she was still breathing evenly now.

"Here." A single piece of paper was held in front of Bucky's face. The only one needed to suddenly clear up a whole lot of confusion.

It wasn't that Gabriel knew from the second their mom brought Bucky home, he had no clue either. It wasn't until earlier this morning when he walked in on him and saw his arm that it all clicked and he suddenly understood why this guy was the one she was so sure about.

'I don't know what it is, really. It feels natural, you know? The other guys were all dating apps and forced evenings at the bar. With Bucky it was like a neon sign that screamed YES and he's so sweet he has to like me the same way, I won't believe any other explaination.'

Gabriel kept his eyes on Bucky who read every word on the page out loud with trembling hands and voice.

"Your head's all fucked because of me?" Bucky looked from Gabriel to Ava. "You have traces of my serum. Your strenght and anger issues are mine. And you," Michael crossed his arms, still partially hidden behind his sister. "I guess you got lucky getting the fast learning side effects."

Despite the bomb that was just dropped he smiled, not that his other half could see him. At least he now knew what the Soldier had tried to tell him. He knew the woman but the connection between him and Bucky was so weak these days he couldn't let him know, but it seemed his feelings were strong enough to go through.

Carefully he raised his head to look at the woman he prayed still considered them partners.

"I.. I swear I didn't know it was you they--" She didn't dare to finish her sentence.

"Neither did I. I'm missing a lot of memories. Turns out that, he," Bucky wiggled the fingers of his vibranium hand to make his point. "does remember you and tried to tell me."

Gabriel had by now plucked the paper from Bucky's hand and offered it to Ava and Michael, knowing it was easier for now to have them read it for themselves than to have either parent say the words out loud.

With news shared amd hunger on no one's minds the evening faded into night quietly. All kids retreated to their rooms as well as mom while Bucky opted for the couch. He had offered to leave but none of the kids let him. They all believed their mom just needed to sleep on the revelation and she'd be more open to talk in the morning.

Bucky woke up to the sound of her voice the next day. He listened to her calling in sick before waving off the kids leaving for school.

The second the door closed he sat up, carefully looking her way as she gave him the smallest wave of her hand while walking out of view into the kitchen. Against his better judgement Bucky moved and met her by the coffeemaker where, to his surprise, she was preparing two mugs.

"I'm happy, for them." were the first words that she shared with him. "They need a dad, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still head over heels for you. I needed a moment to think and last night I realized that I didn't care that I never got a choice. I love my kids and I--" She paused right on time to catch the words on her tounge before they slipped out.

She handed her his coffee, her fingers brushing his metal ones. "No I- I love my kids, and I love you, Bucky."

Bucky lowered his drink before he had a chance to take a sip. "Even after all of this?" He held up his prosthetic arm once again and watched her nod in agreement. Excited even, if he had to admit.

It all still felt weird to him. A family and people telling him they loved him in a way that wasn't how his friends said it.

"I love you too. And eh, so does he. He has for a while aparently. Turns out that's where the new nightmares came from." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, trying to hide his face behind the mug in his hand but failing miserably.

"So, you're moving in now, right?" She started all nonchalant. "And you're officially banned from sleeping on the couch."

He couldn't keep the awkward smile off his face that was now turning darker shades of red at each of her words.

Yeah, there was no way he was going back to his apartment anymore after he went and moved over his minimal amount of possessions.

[pomefioredove]

Heyyy! I love your writing so so much :) I was wondering if you could write headcanons for how vil and rook (plus any other characters you might wanna write for!) would react to yuu struggling with a panic disorder or just having panic attacks in general. i’ve been curious how the whole “transported to another world” thing would work with someone who takes meds. like i wonder if they would use magic to help with anxiety or plants? i’m not sure but I’m interested to hear your thoughts!🤍 p.s if you’re not comfortable writing about this, i more than understand! have a nice day :))

oh, of course!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ reader who has panic attacks

type of post: headcanons characters: vil, rook additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu

while there may be no version of the medication you had at home, Vil is still willing to find you an equivalent

he has access to the best doctors and psychiatrists available, of course

and he'd rather you feel happy and safe than not

of course, it's your choice

and he's a creative man

that is, he has lots of options for you

it just depends on what you prefer. meditation, breathing exercises, he even has some teas with calming effects

he's prepared

...after all, Vil is not a paragon of mental health himself

and he's no stranger to panic attacks

he'll reassure you that it's nothing to be ashamed of, and he wants to help however he can

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Rook may have less resources, but he's no less determined

anything you need, you'll have it

he will find a way

he learns to recognize the earliest signs of an attack

and he's especially attentive in triggering places/situations/et cetera

he's adaptable, too, though!

always prepared to drop everything and get you somewhere safe

no matter where you are or what you're doing

he's quite serious about it, after all

when he loves, he loves strongly, and you and your safety are most important to him

[littlelovelunette]

Hi I’m sorry I think this is gonna be a long one😭 so recently I decided to change college course (from a medical course to a computer science course) and I haven’t started in my new school yet and I’m getting super anxious on starting in a new school. So I just found out that there are people I used to know who goes there (from high school and other ex-friends) and it makes me anxious and scared knowing that I’m gonna see them again… I had a panic attack when I found out and no one was there to ground me or anything…

I was wondering if I could have sevika and vi (separately) with a fem!reader who’s going through the same thing? I’m sorry I began trauma dumping or something…🥺🥺😭

Change Is Necessary

Anxiety, panic attacks

⋆₊˚ SEVIKA ⋆₊˚

You were a wreck tonight. Leg bouncing as you overthought everything that could potentially go wrong because of your course change. The room felt too small, and the air felt too dry. You couldn't almost breathe because of the anxiety you were under. Your stomach was twisting in knots, doing backflips but you couldn't make it stop. If anything, trying to calm down by doing the things you usually did like scrolling through your phone mindlessly only was making you feel worse than before and you didn't know how to stop it.

"Hey, sweetheart," Sevika walked into the room, putting her phone on the wardrobe as she turned to face you, "I heard."

Sevika was dressed in a beige sweater, and some taupe colored pants. She had been out to run some errands and she told you she'd take a while to get back. You would've been surprised because she was relatively early but you didn't have the strength to worry about other things.

"Heard what?" You asked, trying your best to ensure your voice didn't shake.

"About your course change." Sevika sat down next to you and placed a gentle hand on your thigh, squeezing it slightly as if to remind you you were never alone. "How are you holding up?"

You shook your head, averting your gaze to your lap, hands fumbling with the fabric of the hem of your skirt.

"I'm not ready to face them."

"Them?"

Sevika shifted so she could fold one leg, facing you on the edge of the bed. Her hand was still resting on your thigh, a concerned look behind those usually steely grey eyes.

"My highschool 'friends'." You said bitterly.

You hadn't had the best upcoming with the friends you made in highschool mainly because you resented them somewhere deep down in your chest. You tried not to make a big deal about it when you were around those very friends because you were afraid they would label you 'overdramatic' if you did. And you didn't want drama during your highschool years, you just wanted to get it over with and move into college. But it wasn't turning out all that well.

Sevika knew about these friends of yours who only knew you whenever they needed something or when they wanted to hang out. But when it was with you? When you had issues, they often pushed you away or brought up how their own lives were miserable.

You hated them for that but didn't have any courage of cutting them off because you had no other friends other than them.

"Oh, sweetheart," Sevika pulled you closer to herself, letting your body shake against her big, steady frame. She was always your emotional support anchor.

She never let you go during times you felt overwhelmed and was there when your friends treated you horribly for speaking out about your mental issues. About your anxiety and overthinking. Sevika had always been there for you through thick and thin. And that's why, you both went to prom together and later on, moved in together.

"You'll be okay, you weren't as strong then, but you are now." Sevika whispered in your ear as she stroked your hair. "You wanna take your mind off of this?"

You nodded with a sigh, "But I can't. I've tried everything."

"Let's bake, then."

"Bake?"

You asked with a laugh, Sevika should've known you were bad in the kitchen and she did. That's why Sevika did all the cooking but yet you wondered why she was asking you to bake with her.

"Yeah, let's go, let's make brownies."

⋆₊˚ VIOLET ⋆₊˚

Vi saw the way you struggled to breathe properly when you walked into the house again, putting your bag down. You'd just been back from all the hustle of your course change in college. Vi knew you were stressed. Even though, she knew you were so, she asked—

"Baby," she wrapped her arms around your shaky frame, pushing her face against the back of your neck, taking a long sniff of your hair, "Are you okay, baby?"

"No, honestly, no," you said and turned around.

Your heart was beating out of your chest as you looked at the love of your life, her blue eyes clouded with concern when she pulled you closer. "Oh, darling, what's wrong?"

"I don't wanna go to my new college, there's people, ex-friends!" You buried your face into her chest, fiddling with the button of her shirt as you looked up at her with your teary eyes.

Vi held you tighter, her hands soothing up and down your back as she kissed your temple softly. “Shh, baby… it’s okay,” she whispered, her voice husky and calm. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, y’know? Not with me.”

You let out a shaky breath against her chest, feeling the way her heartbeat slowed yours just a little. “I don’t wanna see them, Vi. I hate how they look at me… like I’m some stranger now.”

Vi nodded slowly, pulling you toward the couch and sitting you on her lap. “They should be strangers. They lost the right to know you the second they stopped treating you right.” She tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, locking eyes with you. “You hear me? You don’t owe anyone a damn thing.”

You tried to speak, but your voice cracked. “What if it’s like before? What if they laugh again?”

Vi’s jaw clenched, her thumb brushing your cheek. “Then I’ll be right there, baby. I’ll walk you to that campus myself if I have to—let ‘em try something.” She cracked a small grin, trying to lift the heaviness in your chest. “You’re not alone anymore, remember?”

That made you sniffle and smile just a little. “You’d beat ‘em up for me?”

Vi chuckled. “Only if you say the word. Otherwise, I’m your bodyguard with killer cheek kisses.” She leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to your damp cheek. “We’ll get through this together, okay? One day at a time.”

You nodded slowly, curling up tighter against her. With Vi’s arms around you, the world didn’t feel so scary.

[skateboard-of-sickness]

Adaine Abernant, a divination wizard from a rich family from fallinel. She wasn't cared for very much and she had undiagnosed and treated anxiety. She had to kill someone on her first day. She saved a werewolf and got him a job. She got new clothes so she wasn't in school uniform all the time. She got her sister arrested after she tried to kill her and her friends. She found out she's the Oracle. “Having panic attacks is not a character flaw. You're not a coward, you have a goddamn medical condition.” The werewolf saved her back. She refuses the Oracle title. She goes to school, her house is gone and so are her parents. She moved in with the werewolf, her friends and her friends mom (who is dating the werewolf.) She goes on an adventure and uses her divination to save people. She met a half-phoe ix who's her principal's daughter. She becomes best friends with her. She is captured by her parents and tortured. She saves her sister from her parents. She gets her sister's memories back and gets out of Fallinel. She gets a spell from her new friend. She takes a pinky bone to save her friend Kristen if they can. She faced her fear of being the last one of her friends alive. She killed her dad with a punch with her new spell. She makes her friend a spell to understand subtext. She gets adopted by the werewolf. “You're real easy to love, and anyone who couldn't figure that out is a real bozo.” She forgives her sister and lets her move in. She gets a job to afford classes before telling anyone she needed help. She tried to save her friends goddess. She becomes a party legend. She convinced the council of stars to pay her, using her friend's dance to battle for it. She gets him appointed the Oracle of Dance. She got possessed in her friends suitcase. She's willing to do anything for her friends. She helps her friend pass barbarian classes, she divines that her friend will be a good paladin and helps her smite. She stayed sitting down in the last stand and never got hit, but was a big reason they passed. She made a simulacrum of Kristen. She was ready to fight for Kristen. She killed a dragon with a punch. “You’re my sister.” To her friend mourning for the loss of her simulacrum. She doesn't have to be afraid of being alone anymore, her sister wants to eat ice cream and do magic forever (together). They're going to kill their mom. She's a good kid, she's the Oracle.

I spent... So long on this one. It is 12:42 and I am tired. I looked up the transcripts of the episode.

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Emaciated Villain Used as Entertainment at a Hero's Party Part 9

Warnings: severely injured & abused villain, caretaking/recovery whump, panic attack

He wrapped his arms around his stomach and breathed shallowly, focusing on not having another panic attack. His new owner would hate that, wouldn’t she? Everyone always did.

Hero's gut twisted with guilt and sympathy, and she wondered how she could possibly earn his trust when he was still so terrified of her. And she couldn't blame him for that fear; he'd just survived what were easily the worst days of his life and was still practically half-dead on her bed. She would have a similar reaction if the roles were reversed.

Hopefully, with proper care, Villain would start remembering her – remembering how she was one of the most lenient and kind people among the hero team.

Wordlessly, she went and grabbed the medical kit to start fixing up the wounds that she hadn't tended to yet, along with a few others that Villain had accidentally torn open again in his futile struggles during Superhero’s brief visit. She set it on the nightstand as she crawled onto the bed, reaching in the kit and pulling out some gauze and medical wrap.

"Will you let me take care of you?" Hero asked quietly, raising an eyebrow at Villain. She wanted to make it look like a choice, in hopes that it would ease his anxiety. In reality, she was going to help him whether he wanted it or not – but at least she could be gentle about it.

She knew full-well she could easily pin the ex-villain down while she treated his wounds, but she wanted to try getting Villain to willingly accept her help first, to build shaky trust. If she restrained him first, it might make him panic again. So it was worth a try to coax him into opening up more.

Villain lifted his face out of his curled state to look at her. Why bother with the kind act? He wanted to yell the words, scream them till he was hoarse. But... his mind flashed to the morgue. Cages lining the walls. The smell of blood, rotting flesh and death.

He nodded ever so slightly. He didn't want to get hurt again.

Hero sighed in relief and offered a small, reassuring smile as she came closer, intentionally slowing her movements to avoid spooking him too badly as she delicately reached out and grabbed his arms, gently pulling them away from his curled up form so she could better see the damage to his midsection.

Villain did his best to take deep, steady breaths, but they were still ragged as the hero gently examined his midsection. She gently prodded at his right rib and he nearly passed out from the excruciating pain that hit him.

"Yikes, that's a bad one," Hero said aloud, examining the giant bruise that had formed over the rib. Only time could heal that one.

She shifted her focus to the gash in his side that he'd re-opened, carefully soaking up the fresh blood with a clean rag before pressing a large bandage over the wound, grimacing as she knew how much it would hurt.

Villain let out a strangled cry. Pain. So much pain.

His stomach twisted again. He hadn't eaten since... No. That was how you drew your attention to the hunger. And that only made the pain worse. He bit his tongue against another cry, hoping desperately she would soon be done.

"You're doing great, just hang in there a bit longer," Hero murmured. Her hands moved with practiced skill over his injuries, swiftly treating them until finally... the worst was over. She decided to give Villain a brief break from enduring the necessary pain of having his wounds treated to make sure he wouldn't pass out.

Hero sat back on her legs with a sigh, her pitying gaze flicking over Villain's broken body once more. She was still disgusted that Superhero could inflict this much suffering onto someone for the sake of 'fun'.

"Is... Is there anything I can get for you?" She hesitantly offered.

Villain shook his head. What a disgusting display, he thought to himself. Pretending to actually care about him. Mind games, just like the ones Superhero had once played with him.

But no. He had to be submissive, or things would hurt more. And even worse, a weak part of him hoped Hero had been acting when the executioner had come in. But in the end he was still her plaything, and he was to be her loyal dog. Nothing more.

⏪️ Back Next ⏩️

Masterlist

@scoundrelwithboba @lumpofsand @isikedmyself878 @iamheretohurt @fleur-a-whump

@ay5ksal @otterfrost @sausages-things @togzy

@whump-till-ya-jump @cravesunconditionallove @whumpwritinglover222 @written-in-the-stars135 @neverthelass

@starz8nk @redwinesupanover @whumpisgoodwhumpislife @theforeverdyingperson

@writing-with-olive @whatwhump

[sassycheesecake]

Hii I love ur blog and I was wondering if you could do hc's of salusa kiyoomi, komori motoya, atsumu miya, and hoshiumis type of s/o? Thanksss❤️‼️

Hello little cake! Of course I can! I hope it is to your liking ❤️

Kiyoomi Sakusa

I am 95% sure Kiyoomi would have a s/o who is more on the quiet side yet still confident

Since he is dealing with loud teammates on a daily basis timeskip, he prefers it if it’s more quiet

Obviously his s/o can have their silly moments but they should know their boundaries

Kiyoomi would definitely look for a s/o who can take care of themselves, physically and mentally

His s/o would also have to bring great patience and understanding into the beginning of the relationship

It takes some time for the Outside Hitter to warm up to someone

But once his s/o has broken down his walls and melted off the ice-cold facade, Kiyoomi is the most attentive boyfriend

He cleans, he has impeccable hygiene and incredibly smart

He 1000% has a routine for how to do things at his home or how he spends his day, his s/o has to accept his busy schedule and adjust to it

THE BEST LISTENER!

Kiyoomi may not be the best advice giver but if you need to vent, man‘s gonna listen without interruption

Invites you to all his games and you need to wear his jersey

I headcannon Kiyoomi is a very jealous person fight me

Please no nicknames for him (his partner would get the famous scowl)

I can see Kiyoomi dating someone who does not have a lot of contact with other people in their work life, so probably IT or a writer for example

Tolerates medical field workers😂

Motoya Komori

Motoya is on the tier list of golden retriever boyfriends

He’s so understanding, so cute and very romantic

I think it doesn’t really matter to Motoya what his s/o looks like or if his s/o is more quiet or more loud

Motoya grew up with Mr. anxiety himself, so he knows exactly what to do if you have panic attacks or suffer under panic disorders

But with every professional athlete, Motoya needs someone who understands his busy schedule and shouldn’t get mad about him going away for quite a while on away games or longer training days

Trust is everything to Motoya!

His s/o shouldn’t be a sarcastic person, Motoya would get annoyed by it eventually

Lowkey needs Sakusa‘s approval

Motoya has a high social battery, so his s/o should be able to handle lots of meet ups and social outings

His partner should be able to get along with his family, especially Sakusa since he is very close with him

Communication is also very important to Motoya, his s/o NEEDS to tell him if something is bothering them

Atsumu Miya

Cheeky asshole (my bae)

I can see Atsumu going for either a confident person like himself or someone submissive

Either would work but it would be more compatible if his s/o would be more submissive (even in the bedroom)

His s/o would also have to be tolerant of his direct behavior and shouldn’t take everything he says directly to heart (Atsumu can be mean at times and if he’s mad or moody, his s/o shouldn’t be too sensitive about it)

Atsumu needs a s/o who is smaller than him, he is a big teaser and loves to be teased back

S/o shouldn’t be afraid of physical affection, Atsumu is BIG on pda (kissing in public, occasional butt squeezes)

His partner shouldn’t be too clingy, Atsumu is very dedicated to his sport!

If Atsumu loses a game, his partner should be respectful about him wanting alone time or comfort

His partner can be athletic or in not so top shape, yet he would probably prefer one that can somewhat keep up with his stamina and go on runs with him or even train with him

His s/o HAS to get along with his twin brother, if they don’t like each other, it’s an absolute NO-GO for Atsumu (he may never admit it out loud but Osamu is Atsumu‘s whole world besides volleyball)

Kōrai Hoshiumi

Seagull boi

Would need a s/o who doesn’t mind his loud mouth

His s/o should be his number one fan and be quite feisty and a proud character

His partner should definitely be around his height or taller than him

Kōrai is a very competitive person, he would love to have a partner he can have bets with or fight against (like gaming, playing sports etc)

Kōrai doesn’t care what body shape his partner has, he will love them regardless

The bigger nerd his partner is, the better

Would have to be a big fan of animals, since his best friend is a vet and Kōrai occasionally has pets staying with him

Probably will adopt like 2 dogs with his s/o

[amazinglyegg]

a bit of an angsty ask-- could you do companions react to sole having a panic attack?

Of course! Angsty prompts are my favorite <3

Companions react: Sole having a panic attack

Includes: Cait, Curie, Codsworth, Danse, Deacon, Gage, Hancock, Maccready, Maxson, Nick, Piper, Preston, and X6

Cait: 

As long as she’s known Sole for more than a few days she’ll be pretty decent at comfort

She gets it. Panic attacks suck. All she can do is try to make it less-sucky.

Won’t get all sappy or dramatic but will just sit with Sole somewhere and remind them that they’re alright

She also won’t let it overstay it’s welcome either, if that makes sense.

Once the panic attack is over and Sole’s willing to continue Cait will just get up and go along with her day, not bringing extra attention to what happened or trying to talk about it or anything

Curie:

Catch her re-reading (or even writing) notes while Sole’s panicking

Obviously Sole’s comfort is top priority but Curie doesn’t remember everything she’s supposed to do! She’s gotta read up on it!

“Think about something nice… like a field of flowers, or a puppy!”

She's very empathetic so she might end up crying a bit alongside Sole, and will probably tell Sole to just ignore her and focus on themself

Great at talking through emotions with! She'll never judge Sole for what they're feeling, even if it's "irrational" or "dramatic". Emotions are confusing, she gets it!

Codsworth:

Codsworth will do whatever he can to make up for his lack of ability to give physical comfort

Blankets, drinks, distractions via books or games, more blankets…

A lot of verbal comfort as well, but he might gear towards gentle jokes or stories rather than traditional comfort

He will mother-hen Sole for a while, even after the panic attack is over. Acts of service is his love language and he really wants Sole to know how much he loves them!

Might stress-clean afterwards, he’s just really worried about Sole and has a bit of abandonment issues he's gotta work through

Danse:

Surprisingly he’s not terrible at helping!

Gets Sole away from the situation, gives them some water, asks simple yes/no questions, etc. etc.

You can kind of tell he has a mental checklist going on and once he exhausts it he just kinda sits there and waits for the panic attack to end

Other than that he has no real clue what to say, so don't expect much more than a "there, there" and an awkward shoulder pat

He's definitely open for Sole if they need to vent or whatever but he's terrible at letting them know that, so Sole will probably have to be the one to initiate any further conversations about it

Catch him reading some medical book written in the 1900's for advice and going up to Sole like "Have you tried cocaine?"

Deacon:

Uhh. Panic.

Deacon is NOT good with these things! Lots of awkward laughter and (gentle) jokes and tense body language that kinda makes Sole a little more stressed

He’ll get better with time (and practice) though, although he may still need Sole to tell him what they need from him from time to time

He IS good at reading body language and such, so it won't take long for him to pick up details like whether they want to be touched or not

Definitely mentally noting down what triggers Sole’s anxiety so he can help them avoid it in the future

Gage:

Will straight up admit he has no clue what to do.

Doesn’t want to make things worse and doesn’t want to accidentally piss off Sole so he’ll probably just give them space and leave a beer next to them

The best Sole will get out of him is a pat on the back

Does defend Sole from any onlookers and will gently guide them somewhere more private if there are people around when they have the panic attack

To him, he'd be mortified if anyone saw him panicking like that! Catch him telling Sole embarrassing stories about himself so they feel better about being that vulnerable around him (even if they don't mind at all)

Hancock:

I think he’ll be good at recognizing the signs of a panic attack and comforting Sole even if they aren’t super close yet

He’s just the type of guy to get along with strangers, and that goes with comforting them too

He’ll rub Sole’s back and talk them through it quietly without drawing too much attention to it

He’s willing to just continue the conversation or act like nothing’s happening if it’ll help Sole - sometimes ignoring it will make it go away faster!

Generally just lets Sole take the lead and picks up on what they want/need from him

Nick Valentine

Okay we all know he'd be AMAZING at this

He'd notice Sole's anxiety, potentially before they even have the panic attack, and will lead them away somewhere calmer to de-stress

He's great at reassuring them of whatever they need to hear ("It's going to be okay, you're safe, I'm here...) and he'll stay calm and composed in the process

Honestly wouldn't be surprised if he kept like, a stuffed animal or something in his giant coat of his for this reason

Might be hesitant on physical touch, or even eye contact - he's self conscious and afraid he'll freak them out with his eyes or metal hand

WILL let them wear his coat like a blanket though... if they can excuse the smell of cigarettes

Maccready:

He doesn’t know what to do but he can’t just leave them, so he’ll try anything really

Talking them through breathing exercises, keeping them away from crowds/busy areas, patting their shoulder awkwardly, hell he’ll even give them a hug if they ask

Tries to just be there for them, even if he doesn’t really know what to say or do

Might just resort to “keeping watch” by sitting a few feet away from them with a gun, both so they can have their space and so they know they’re safe and he’s still within earshot.

Maxson:

Definitely a “just calm down” / “just breathe” type of guy

Either that or he’ll straight up panic and send Sole to the med bay thinking they're having a heart attack

He’s never really had anyone to role model good responses to these kinds of situations before! He’s trying his hardest but he has no clue what to do

He WANTS to know what to say though, so if Sole explains it to him after the fact he’ll pay attention and use their advice for any future panic attacks

Canonically he views mental health as just as important as physical health, so he will definitely take Sole seriously and do whatever it takes to keep them happy and healthy

Piper:

“Haha what’s wrong Sole?? 😀 … oh shit what’s wrong 😥” type of reaction

Basically it might take her a bit to realize Sole’s having a panic attack, but she’ll do what she can to help once she notices it

Takes “rest and digest” literally - will give Sole food and tuck them into bed if she can

Might try to throw every coping strategy she knows at Sole all at once in hopes one of them will work well

Uhh BREATHING and FOOD and and PET DOGMEAT do you want to go on a walk?? How about some hot chocolate???

Might be a good idea for Sole to make a checklist for her to go down one by one...

Preston:

Great at speaking gently and keeping Sole from panicking more

Slow movements, low voice, maybe holding their hand or rubbing their back comfortingly

He doesn’t always know exactly what to say so he’ll focus on self-soothing for himself to help Sole calm down as well

Things like taking deep breaths so Sole can follow along or going on a walk with them

He's also very respectful of their space and privacy, and will immediately give them space if they ask for it (even though he's almost worried sick about them)

Will reassure them that he doesn't think any differently of them or their ability to lead the Minutemen!

X6:

I think X6 would actually be pretty good at comforting Sole, all things considered

The last thing you need while having a panic attack is other people panicking as well, right?

And X6 will definitely stay calm, that’s for certain.

He might also end up overloading Sole with facts about panic attacks though

Sole will be like “I think I’m having a heart attack” and X6 will respond by giving a list of every single symptom of both to compare and contrast as proof it's a panic attack

You can definitely catch him silently panicking the first time Sole has a panic attack though

He’s not good with emotions man he’s trying his hardest

[yandereunsolved]

You're My Cult Leader - ,, yandere Kai Anderson

cw(s): yandere themes, Kai fuckery, graphic gore, suggestive themes, Kai threatening to cross your boundaries, descriptive depictions of anxiety and panic attacks, self harm, (Kai) glorification of self harm, talks of mental hospitals & mental illness, demonization of medication & mental health (influenced by Kai), baby trapping

ꨄ︎ He found you by pure accident. He was scrolling through Reddit on r/AITA when he found your account. You were asking if breaking up with your partner after they had a mental breakdown and pushed you down the stairs made you a bad person or not. Interest sparked in his mind. If you were this insecure that you had to get validation from others when your ex was clearly in the wrong, you must be easy to manipulate. He wanted to see more of who and what you were, so he hacked your accounts. He didn't do anything more than scroll through him and store your information and passwords marked 'Serpent' on a file put on a hard drive he keeps of all his cult members. He keeps it just in case they try to betray him. They wouldn't dare go against him if they knew he had all of their skeletons locked in his closet. 

ꨄ︎ He marks all of his files with the names of mythical animals. All cult members go under one large file named 'Serpent'. In his inner circle, he has another file named 'Sphinx'. As he learns more about you, he compiles an entirely separate file just for you. He names it 'Phoenix'—an immortal bird that cyclically regenerates, obtaining new life by rising from the ashes of its predecessor. He even begins referring to himself as Phoenix when around his other members. Of course you don't know him; you two haven't even had a conversation yet, but you are already part of his cult. It was just a matter of putting a few more things in place to have the perfect meeting.

ꨄ︎ What he didn't expect was to actually begin to form an attraction to you when he had his little 'excursions' with you, stalking you wherever you went. He resents this. You aren't worth his time and attention. He is the divine ruler, a being of divinity. You are just another lamb to be slaughtered within the confines of his cult. Yet he notices how wide your hips are, how good your medical history is, and how motherly you are. He stores it away in his mind. You'd be a good possible womb to store his messiah baby in. He does need the best genetics. It doesn't matter if you are afab or amab; you are having his baby.

ꨄ︎ He introduces himself to you after you had a shitty day at work. He invites you out to your favorite cafe. Huh, how did he know? He knows everything about you. Including what you do in the privacy of your bedroom when you think no one is looking. He speaks to you like an old friend or a lover. You two really seem to have a genuine connection. He's a smart guy, 135 IQ; he toured in Iraq; and he graduated with a double degree. Not to mention, when he stood up and stretched, you could see his muscular physique underneath his gray sweatshirt and joggers. Now you want to know more about him, see him more, and get the validation you crave because you have been starved by others. Just as he planned.

ꨄ︎ It's so strange that after that, the people you hated most started disappearing. It was all over the news. People started seeing you as bad luck. Some people thought you were just a serial killer who hadn't been caught yet. Others thought it was because of some twisted secret admirer of yours. They would both have reasons to think that. The bodies came up in parts. Each on the bed in their bedroom. They were cut into chunks and placed to make little hearts. First, there was nothing else. Then the killer got bolder with the weird smiley face drawn in blood. Eventually, the killer or killers had another collective sign off: 'From F.I.T.— your divine ruler.'

Not even the police would touch you. No one would. Only Kai was there for you in those trying times. He drove you deeper into his grasp. Not suffocating at first just so you wouldn't see it until it's too late—like a boa constrictor constricting around its sleeping prey.

ꨄ︎ He offered you a place to stay and promised to protect you from the evils of the world. He makes you as scared of the outside as possible. Think of all the horrors out there. Can you not see the killings all over the news? Can you not realize that the country is being flooded with dangerous people? Are you so unaware that someone could slit your throat if you so much as stepped outside the door? Kai is there to stoke your fears, like feeding an ever-growing flame by placing more wood in the pile. He makes you so paranoid that you aren't even sure if being around him is safe. He assures you being around him is the only safe place. He subtly threatens to take his protection away if you disobey him.

ꨄ︎ You don't interact with Winter. You actually aren't allowed to. Kai expressly forbids it because he's afraid his sister might make you queer. Sure, you are allowed to look at her and maybe make small talk if she is around you and Kai, but she isn't allowed alone with you—ever. Kai just can't risk it. He knows how tempting women can be, and he can't let his precious little lamb be tempted by his sister.

ꨄ︎ He begins integrating you into F.I.T. even though you are unaware. You don't exactly know what it's called, but everyone seems to treat you kindly. Not too kindly, though; Kai doesn't want your affections to be given to one of his ungrateful, pathetic followers. This is really the first touch of human interaction you have had in months, other than Kai, of course. It's like a new breath of fresh air. You may refuse to leave the house and Kai's side, but at least you have more people to talk to. It's like torture when Kai leaves you all alone. No one else is allowed around you, not that you know that. You only know that they seem to distance themselves almost purposefully, even methodically. It's like Kai is ripping your very heart out of your chest and taking it with him when he leaves.

ꨄ︎ Sometimes it's even worse when his 'friends' are around. He acts all aloof and distant with you. He calls you slut, whore, little one, and worst of all—sweetheart. Whenever he calls you sweetheart, you know you have messed up around the others. During their meetings, you are forced to sit in his lap. Most of the time, he forces you to straddle his waist. If you speak or even squeak, he'll scold you in front of everyone. You always end up having hickeys on you the day after. You always have some sort of hickey or bruise on you. He'll occasionally kiss you on the neck during these meetings. At first, you were uncomfortable. You tried to confront him about it, and he brushed you off.

"You like it, don't lie. You like all of the attention on you. You are my little slut after all."

You wanted to argue, but he had a way of making you speechless, so flustered that you became light-headed. After that, you didn't argue much on the subject.

He doesn't actually allow you to listen, either. He makes you wear these stupid ear plugs that make you feel so idiotic. You only know he scolds you because that's when he takes the earplugs out. He calls these meetings his 'private business'. You don't press him on it because he's already done so much for you. Someone out there is stalking you. Kai is keeping you safe. It's the least you can do to stay out of business; he doesn't want you in.

ꨄ︎ If you are good during these meetings, he rewards you with an outing. You have to stay by him the entire time. That is one of the unspoken rules of being with him. However, that's not really a problem for either of you. That's pretty much the only time that you are outside. He doesn't outright say it's a 'date', but that's what it is to him. You may not know it, but you two are practically married in his eyes. He just has to train you some more. You need to be entirely dependent on him—submissive, feminine, and motherly. That's all he wants. He has given you so much. He just needs to take a little from you. It isn't that big of a deal.

ꨄ︎ You first witnessed Kai's true cruelty when he stapled that poor man to death. You pinkie promised him that you would stay by his side. You pinkie promised that you wouldn't run. So you stood there and watched, and everyone took turns stapling him in the head. The blood gently dribbled down his face, almost peaceful—in complete contrast with the monstrous act being committed. 

He made you kneel before him. He swiped a strip of the oozing blood off of the man's face. He stuck his finger in your mouth and made you lick it off. He asked if you were truly devoted to him as he planted the last staple in the back of the guy's neck. He asked again, his voice more alluring than any song a siren could sing.

"Are you completely and utterly devoted to me?"

You said yes. Why wouldn't you?

"Prove it."

He stood above you with the staple gun discarded on the floor. That night was a lot different than all the other times you 'proved' yourself to Kai. It was much more passionate and tender. You were unable to even move from your spot. It was like nothing else existed except you and Kai. It was addicting. You needed more of him, even more than before. 

It was like that night he had cast a spell on you that stripped away any personality or ideals you had from your previous life. He had broken every part of you. You were now repurposed clay. You were made into a brand new clump for him to mold with his skilled and nimble fingers. You will be his greatest creation yet, for you are completely and utterly his—forever.

ꨄ︎ However, while molding, he's careful not to be too harsh with you. In a way, it's the gentlest and most honest part of Kai you will ever see. You see the moments when he has flashbacks to those times. You get to see when his shoulders heave due to the overwhelming anxiety he feels. You see the few tears that slip from his face. Part of him feels that you have earned this part of him. Another part wants to push those feelings so deep down into the darkness of his soul that they never have a chance of getting out.

ꨄ︎ You'll only see it in subtle ways. At night, he won't force you to snuggle with him, but he'll urge you to. He'll wrap his arms around you and gently whisper about how he'll protect you from all the bad things in this world. It's true on some level. All of this is truly for you. He just can't show his love like a normal man. One thing is for sure—he promises to never be a man like his father. He shakes when he thinks about him, his muscles tightening and his breath shortening. It makes him want to hold you in his embrace forever. To kiss you like it's the last thing he'll ever know. That small and hidden part of him craves your loving touch. That part just wants to be coddled and told he's a good boy. Just telling him you're proud of him is enough for him to drag you off to the bedroom.

ꨄ︎ He makes you pinkie promise. Naturally, you have to tell him everything first—your fears, your fantasies, and how much you love him. He finally speaks a bit of his past. It's the first time you see him breakdown. The first time he has a genuine emotional response. The mask slips only for a moment, but you're hesitant. You know, sometimes he manipulates you—maybe. That's what one of the others told you before they were killed. Still, it seems real, and it feels real. You can't imagine him telling anyone else such private things. He pulls you into a hug and rocks you back and forth. He sticks his face in the crook of your neck greedily. He treats you like you'll disappear with one blink of his eyes.

"You aren't ever allowed to leave me, darling."

He's gritting his teeth, and suddenly the Kai you know all too well is back. From time to time, you can't help but wonder: How much of old Kai influenced new Kai to be so helplessly entranced by your very presence?

ꨄ︎ No part of you is hidden from him. No part of your body is left unseen or explored. There is no part of your personality that he hasn't memorized. There isn't any memory that he hasn't plucked from your head already. If you remember anything, even the most mundane, you are under strict orders to allow the words to fall from your lips—no matter what you were doing before. There are no 'boundaries', in most cases. Kai is an asshole, but he isn't that much of an asshole. If you've been a good little lamb, then there's no need to bring up painful memories. He wouldn't want his obedient servant to be plagued with fear of others in their heart. However, act bratty, and he has no qualms of making himself a new set of memories for you to gain PTSD from.

ꨄ︎ The first time his hold on you loosened a bit is something you won't ever forget. You were looking for him when you heard moaning. Meadow had gone missing earlier, and you were worried. You found her partially tied up, and your heart broke in two. Kai looked back at you with no emotion in his eyes. He simply dismissed you with a 'get out'. 

You were so horrified that you quickly packed up and ran from the house. You snatched a stack of emergency bills that Kai always kept under his mattress. You slept in some shitty motel for a few nights. You planned on escaping to another state and starting anew. If you could just get a phone, you could call someone. Yet your heart was torn in two. Those tendrils of fear were wrapped so tightly around your mind that you were paralyzed with indecision. You love him, but he was cheating on you. He was supposed to protect you from the world! You forgot the most important lesson—to protect yourself from him.

You had multiple panic attacks each day while hiding in that motel. You feared stepping out of the door. You just couldn't do it. The 'what if' was too much. You knew that, rationally, no one was going to jump out and kill you. Right? Right...? RIGHT? You couldn't even open the door. Your hand reached the knob, and yet you couldn't open it. You just sank to the floor and continuously sobbed. You couldn't stop the feeling of dread and weakness.

What was he going to do when he found you? That thought had your head spinning. Your legs just gave out then and there. It was the one question that ran through your mind like a never-ending track carrying the train of your anxious thoughts. 

You had to get breakfast delivered to your room. You had to wear your clothes for multiple days. You didn't have any toiletries except the ones provided by the hotel. You were too paranoid to even take a shower. You needed Kai. You still needed him. You couldn't even breathe correctly without him!

ꨄ︎ You finally broke down. It was like he knew you would. You went to that campaign of his. You were barely able to step outside, but the promise of seeing him made you more than eager to leave. Once you spotted him, all your fears seemed to melt away. Then you saw Meadow shoot him. Your heart broke again—she fucks him, and then she shoots him? Who the hell does this woman think she is? 

You saw her turning the gun on herself, but you beat her to it. Another woman was screaming at the both of you. She took the gun. You just kept hitting Meadow. You don't know what came over you. All the bitter jealousy and hatred from that night just came up. You let it all out on her. Eventually, you heard a snap. That same woman was screaming at you and pointing the gun at your head. You killed Meadow. You snapped her neck. You felt good, in control. A part of you even liked it.

You didn't get to mull over it because the cops arrested that woman and led you away. You rushed up to Kai, who was on a stretcher. The emergency medical responders tried to push you away. Kai grabbed your hand and pulled you down onto him. With his other arm, he dug his nails into the side of your head. He sloppily made out with you until you were pulled away.

"It was all for you, baby. Come and ride in the ambulance with me. You've been bad—and you'll atone for your sins once I get better."

Those are the words he whispered in your ear. Your mixed emotions led you to feel so much, but how could you refuse? A moth is always drawn to a flame, just like you are always drawn to Kai. Hopefully, you won't get burned again by his lies and deceit.

ꨄ︎ Once he is home from the hospital and recovering, he chastises you. He screams, pushes things, and threatens you. He can feel actual tears filling his eyes at the fact that you tried to leave him. How dare you.

"Can't you see you worthless slut!? This has all been for you. I had to get Meadow out of the way for you and for us. Yet you run off to some shitty motel and hide there? You are pathetic."

Wait, he knew about the motel? Of course he did. He just wanted to allow you to make your own choice. Sure, he was going to drag you back to him anyway, but you coming back somewhat willingly just proves the control he has over you. It feels so good to have you twisted around his finger.

ꨄ︎ He makes you cut yourself because of this. It's a punishment that he often uses. He wants you to feel what he feels when you disobey him. Sometimes he cuts you himself. He teases the burning wounds and touches them. He kisses each one of them and licks the oozing blood leaving your veins.

He sees it as just another way for him to claim you. He feels that possessive urge inside of him cool when he sees the scars you have given yourself because of him. He enjoys cutting extra deep into your skin to hear those pained whimpers escape your sweet lips. He gets even happier when you get self-conscious about them. 'No, baby, you are so beautiful with those scars.' It's just another way to control you. You have to live off that praise from him, affirming your self-harming behaviors.

ꨄ︎ It evolves into a ritual. When he gets really pent-up, he cuts you up and drinks your blood. He tells you that's the most divine thing he's ever tasted. He kisses you and makes you taste yourself. He'll swirl your own blood around in your mouth with his tongue. He'll barely allow you to breathe. It's like it restarts his mind. He's calm after. He feels like a blank slate.

He once did it in front of his cult. You were sitting in his lap. You could feel him growing more livid and tense. He pulled out a pocket knife and gently knicked the side of your neck. He licked and kissed the blood away. He promised to give some of your blood to his inner circle if they all proved themselves to him. No, they aren't going to be allowed to touch your skin. They may drink from a vial. You are dreading the day that it becomes a normal practice within the cult.

ꨄ︎ That isn't the only punishment you'll get if you severely misbehave. He isn't against locking you in the basement and chaining you up. He'll deprive you of food and water and will only give his body to you as sustenance. Later on, he builds a metal cage in the basement. He uses it both for torture and to shove you in there if you are disobeying him. The cage is much worse than being chained to a wall. If you get chained to the wall, at least he'll let you near him. If you get caged, then some random follower of his just comes down and throws whatever shitty rations in between the bars. Most of the time the food isn't even edible—mold and other infectious diseases are tainting it. The little bit of water you get is wasted when they throw it on you.

By the time you are let out, you are malnourished and touch starved. Kai always makes sure to give the most heavenly aftercare. He whispers sweet nothings in your ear and tells you that this didn't have to happen; all you had to do was behave. He gives you a bath with rose petals, and he gets out the fancy lotions, oils, and shit that he can't even pronounce. He makes sure that you have a fresh pair of clothes and the best meal one can dine on. He even took it slow with you that night. He is passionate and loving.

It's a side of him you rarely get to see...

ꨄ︎ Sometimes you want to act bratty just to see if you can get brown-haired Kai to come out and play again. It's a treacherous game. One wrong behavior, and you may end up kneeling before him, cutting yourself up for his entertainment once again. You can just do little things to manipulate him just a tiny bit. You are his well-trained bitch that occasionally loosens their collar and nips at their owner playfully. You have learned how to manipulate from the best, after all. Most of the time, Kai understands your angle, but rarely can he be tricked into misunderstanding your true intentions. 

ꨄ︎ Accidentally getting hurt can be one way to possibly soften him up. Although you do have a half chance of just being called a clumsy bitch by him. If it is someone else, accidentally or not, hurting you, not even the deities from the highest of heavens can save that person. He'll either beat them to death in the moment or plan their slow torture and subsequent death in the cage downstairs. After taking care of the filth, you may see a little bit of brown-haired Kai. He'll take care of any cuts or bruises and kiss your temple. You may or may not have paid that asshole five bucks so they could push you on the pavement and threaten you. You were scared to death that Kai would realize what you were doing, but it was more than worth it.

That's just one way that you can manipulate him into letting brown-haired Kai come out and play. 

ꨄ︎ Another one is if you cook for him. If you make him a good manwich, dressed up all pretty with an apron on, he is melting inside. He has this starstruck and dopey expression on his features. It's quickly replaced by indifference, but he is elated internally. If you bake, then all bets are off for cult leader Kai. He's oddly sweet when tasting your sweets because it allows him to regress back to a state of almost childlike innocence. It reminds him of when his mom would bake things with him and teach him to bond with him. His father always thought it was making Kai soft and a sissy, but he refrained from making those comments most of the time.

When you bake those sweets, it's like a positive trigger for him. He'll take a bite and wrap you up in his arms. He'll gently pepper kisses on your face and compliment your skills. A little bit more of brown-haired Kai comes out. He almost seems shy, nervous, and unconfident. Kai doesn't even realize he is acting like this. He just feels safe, like he is home.

ꨄ︎ He puts tracking chips in all of your things after your first attempt to leave him. Anything and everything has some sort of chip in it. He secretly enjoys hand-sowing the chips into all of your clothes and undergarments. It feels so oddly intimate to him. It's just another way to claim you as his. It makes him feel all giddy inside. All the chips are waterproof and extremely durable. He has access codes to all of them and can connect to them through any device he has. If you try to escape one too many times, he will chip you on your inner thigh. That way, he can casually rub his hand over your plush thigh and press his thumb right over where he implanted the tracking chip. It's his favorite way of reminding you that you have no way out—no possible escape from his binding grasp.

ꨄ︎ It doesn't stop there, no. He puts cameras everywhere. Some are in hidden places; others are not. He enjoys just flipping through the cameras on his phone while listening to some idiotic citizen complain about something miniscule for the thousandth time. You were wearing his clothing, just sitting in your shared bed and watching your comfort show. You were enjoying yourself with that innocently lewd expression adorning your now placid features. You just seemed like such a cute house spouse. He may have to excuse himself and go take care of a problem. What? You're just being so good for him. It makes him swell with pride.

ꨄ︎ If you are good enough, then he may allow you the privilege of having internet access. Of course, he is monitoring it. When he is in a good mood, he will act like he is your sugar daddy. Which he technically is, because he pays for everything and you are physically incapable of stopping him. Your wishlist is his. He keeps a list in your file about the types of gifts you like. 

You may just occasionally be surprised with the same exact thing that you had favorited awhile ago. You know it's always Kai doing it because he always buys some lacy or risqué for you to wear. He gifts you; you gift him with your body. Lingerie is just human wrapping paper, after all. He enjoys the present under the wrapping the best. 

He also scrolls through the media you watch. Any political content has a parental lock on it. It has to be approved by him before he allows you to watch it. If there is something intriguing that you decided to watch when you thought you had privacy, Kai may just barge in and ask if you'd like to recreate it.

ꨄ︎ If you get a period... Kai will track it. He will always make sure you have the right period products, foods, and medication. No, nuh uh—he swears he isn't doing it because he just genuinely cares and doesn't want to see you in pain he didn't cause. He's doing it because he can't have the future parent of his messiah baby harming their womb. It wouldn't be responsible if the divine ruler didn't treat your fertility with the respect it deserves. 

You're probably a lot luckier if you are able to get a period. He's a lot more lenient with you. He'll allow you to have mood swings and crying fits. He'll let you eat all the chocolate and sweets you want, as long as you eat the balanced meals he provides. He'll treat you like a god(dess) during that time. When no one is around of course. He completely focuses on your happiness and pleasure during that time.

ꨄ︎ When he gets arrested, you have another panic attack. You had finally settled into a comfortable routine with him. You had succumbed to Stolkhome syndrome. You were just content with it. Your anxiety and fears were still higher than ever, but Kai protected you from all the bad things. Now, the bad men want to take him away from you? You get interviewed many times. You refuse to speak. They call you a victim of his manipulation. They see your scars, and after a doctor gives you a physical examination, they conclude that Kai is an absolute monster. They had to give you anesthesia for the physical examination. It was the only time you talked with any of the police or detectives. It was more like shouting than talking. You thrashed, twisted, and turned to escape them.

In this way, it just proved that Kai was right. They said you were brainwashed by him. No, you weren't. Kai saw the truth in the corrupt institutions. They violated your boundaries for no good reason. Kai violated your boundaries, but for good reasons. You deserved it when he crossed them.

ꨄ︎ They declared you mentally unwell and put you in a mental hospital. You went willingly only because you wanted to be away from the scary people. You only got newer and scarier people. They made you strip, and you had to be constantly watched. It made you yearn for Kai's safety and control.

You lied to get out of it. You said that you were scared to cooperate at first. You weren't brainwashed by him. You were only acting like it because you feared him. They believed you, and within a month, you were out of there. They put you on anxiety and anti-depressants. They urged you to also get a therapist to work through your trauma.

ꨄ︎ You disregarded them. You didn't need therapy! You didn't need some bullshit medication! That's what Kai always said. The medication and psychologists were just there to warp your mind. They aren't there to help you. They are there to make you conform into what society believes is 'mentally well'. You just have a little problem. It's all just fake. Kai would tell you if you had problems. He helps you out. He keeps you safe. He'll tell you what to do.

ꨄ︎ You helped him escape prison. Naturally, it was hard to get in to visit him because some of the guards had heard whispers of what Kai had done to you. With a little bribe, you managed to secure a monitored conversation with him. He threatened the guard, and suddenly your conversation wasn't monitored anymore. Kai was so unbelievably proud of you. He was so proud of how loyal you are. He rewarded you for such a good job. He remarked you with hickeys and bruises, so people know who you belong to once again. He possessively rubbed circles into your inner thigh over your tracking chip. You wouldn't let the bad men take it out, and because of a lot of red tape, they legally couldn't do it without your consent. It just made him ready for another round. How did he get so lucky to have a person like you who loves him so dearly? A lot of abuse, manipulation, and Stockholm syndrome.

ꨄ︎ As you sit on his lap in one of the visitation rooms, he formulates a plan with you. Soon enough, you are dressed in a guard's uniform and stressed out of your mind. You were barely able to help him escape. Your hands were shaking the entire time. You must have taken over half of the bottle of that stupid anxiety medication just to get through it. You were a little out of it and threw most of the pills up after. 

Kai had to punish you for taking medication you weren't allowed to. He just worries about you, okay? They almost got his little lamb. He couldn't have your personality numbed by any 'medication'.

ꨄ︎ It all climaxes when he confronts Ally while she is running for senator. It was all such a blur. One moment they were arguing, and the next Beverly tried to kill Kai. You managed to tackle her and wrestle the gun out of her hands before she shot him. You got shot instead, in the gut. The next few months are extremely hazy for you. You kept going in and out of a coma. When you awoke, a lot had changed in Kai's world, but you remained ever-present.

ꨄ︎ You learned that Winter was gone. You didn't feel much. You didn't get to learn the details of it. It could have been way before you were even aware. Kai always kept you out of the loop about those things. He said it was to protect your pretty little head. You listened to him. You'd always listen to your divine ruler. Kai managed to slander Ally and turn everyone's opinion around. Suddenly, Ally was the one who had abused you and fed you all these lies about Kai. She was arrested and sentenced to death. Beverly met a worse fate. She was brutally mutilated in the same way that your, you forget, you had a stalker once—didn't you? You can't exactly remember.

You know Kai had a hand in it. He always has a hand in everything.

You learned that he truly was a cult leader. Your memories were so repressed and damaged that you were unable to connect the dots. You were overjoyed that Kai won the senatorial seat. He was heading towards the presidential seat next. With that, he had you married. A ring on your finger, forever. A divine ruler did need his spouse. It is crucial.

ꨄ︎ He made sure that you recovered and were right by his side while campaigning. He had a book ghost written for you about how evil Ally Mayfair-Richards was and how a vile feminist cult twisted your mind. Most of it was just sugar-coated lies. Kai's abuses were in there, but they were all said to just be minute things that Ally spun into a defaming web of lies.

He campaigned with you and made sure that all of your clothing was appropriate. He only let you show your scars when it would win him polling points. He still wanted the cutting to be just a you and him thing. He didn't need the press to see the fresher scars and cuts and run a slander campaign against him.

His possessiveness did occasionally overpower his need to dominate the world. He would always keep a hand on your waist, have at least one eye on you, and scare anyone off that tried to get too close to you.

ꨄ︎ It climaxed when he realized he needed to push family values. So he announced your pregnancy during an interview on some right-wing news platforms. You were understandably confused. You aren't pregnant. Kai plans on fixing that. All day and night, he is trying to fill your womb. He is so desperately making it so you will have his heir. Part of it is just publicity. Another wants his messiah baby really badly. He needs to baby trap you so you don't ever leave him. He needs to ultimately mark you as his. What better way than a child? The miniscule brown-haired part of him just wants to be a better father than his own. He just wants to be a better husband for you than his father ever was. He wants to make his mama proud, wherever she is in the afterlife. You wouldn't deny him this, would you? You've already given him so much. Just a little more, and he'll be satisfied. To think this all started with your silly little Reddit post. 

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