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lilithslittleworld · 7 months ago

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New Moon (If Edward Had Never Come Back Edition): Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of what I would like to be my version of New Moon without Edward returning, aka Bella ends up with Jacob.

Disclaimer:

Harry Clearwater doesn't die (or at least hasn't yet).

This first chapter is what would be the book's Chapter 17 but without Alice returning.

Really just fluff in this chapter><

Songs to listen to while you read:

Rosyln by Bon Iver

Glimpse of Us by Joji

Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex

Sweet by CAS

Sunsetz by Cigarettes After Sex

K. by Cigarettes After Sex

I had been stupid, ludicrous even, to believe that Edward would ever come back for me. He had meant those words that had been spoken in the forest back in September. I shivered at the thought of the months that would follow that soul-crushing conversation. By that first summer without him, it began to settle in my conscious mind that the hope I was holding within me was useless weight. He had left Forks and me with it permanently. I owed my life to another love that had blossomed because of his abrupt departure.

Though I had known Jacob Black since our very early years, I had never really considered him a friend. He was more like a family acquaintance, that would show up unexpectedly or whenever Charlie had Billy over. It’s not that he wasn’t friendly, I just had never gotten to really know Jacob, beyond the mud pies we had made with our tiny, chubby toddler hands. But all of that had changed when Charlie had decided to send me to Florida with my mother following Edward’s abandonment. I bargained with him, using Jacob as the chip that would allow me to stay in Forks. By that point, I was spending more time at La Push than at Charlie’s, which he didn’t complain about. The wound Edward had left in my heart, the one that had made me double over in pain for innumerable weeks, had begun to stitch itself together with Jacob’s company. He had pulled me out of the numbing limbo and eased me back into the world and life.

At first, I denied any idea or thought that might have to do with Jake, in any sense that strayed away from friendship. I had spent so long setting firm boundaries with him. The internal battles of guilt and confusion were constant. I didn’t even know why I so desperately wanted it to be false, why I wanted to repress any feelings in return to his very clear ones. I wasn’t scared of him and I certainly didn’t owe anything to Edward, he was long gone. It was the fear of hurting Jacob that pushed me away from entering that realm. I knew I wasn’t an easy person to handle and to be fair, he wasn’t either, but I still felt that my baggage was much heavier. I knew that sooner or later, the love I had for him would consume me and eventually, us both. I just didn’t know when.

*********

I heard Charlie’s cruiser pull up into the driveway as I finished grilling the steaks on the stovetop.

“Hey, Bells,” Charlie spoke, as he shut the door behind him and took off his jacket.

“Hi, Dad, dinner’s just about done. Just give me another 5 minutes,” I called back over the sound of running water as I began to clean up.

“Sure thing, there’s no rush.”

Charlie was easy to please, between keeping him fed and spending the little quality time we had together, he had no complaints. He had loosened up significantly since Edward had left, not forgetting the time I had run off to Phoenix and told him I didn’t like living with him in Forks. I winced at the memory of his pained and confused face as I had run out of the house screaming. He had also calmed down after my sudden spiral into depression when the Cullens had moved away, though it had taken him a long time.

“Smells good,” Charlie commented, peering over the stove and then sitting down at the table.

“Thanks,” I smiled, pleased with myself and his reaction. I knew that Charlie appreciated my cooking, he had told me almost instantly after moving back with him.

We ate in silence until Charlie broke it by mentioning Billy.

“Billy says he hasn’t seen you down at the reservation this week,” he noted, trying to sound indifferent.

This was exactly the topic I didn’t want him to bring up but knowing Charlie, he was bound to, even if it was unintentional. I had been wrestling with my feelings for Jacob for over a month now and had ultimately started to avoid him. It wasn’t an active decision but rather a passive space that I had placed between us, as I gave myself time to process.

“Oh,” I mumbled absentmindedly, “You know how time consuming being a senior is.”

“I’m sure you could still find a little time to see him,” Charlie went on, clearly not having believed my lie.

“Yeah you’re right Ch-Dad, I’ll stop by next week. I’m sure letting him catch up with his own homework isn’t that bad of an idea,” I said, picking up Charlie’s dirty place and stacking it on top of my own before making my way to the sink.

“It’s only Thursday, you could stop by this weekend. I might be out fishing with Harry on Saturday anyway,” he hinted.

I continued to wash the dishes silently, hoping he would drop the subject. It had been very clear from the beginning that Charlie had preferred Jacob over Edward and honestly having endured his heartbreak, I too began to agree with his favoritism. But this wasn’t something I wanted to talk about with my dad, especially not now, not undecided.

“You know, Bells, it’s been almost a full year since..you know,” Charlie fumbled with his words as he stood by the doorframe, rubbing his hands across his creased forehead, “there’s nothing wrong with…um..feeling things for someone again.”

“Dad!” I shrieked, mortified at the conversation that was beginning to unfold before me.

“I’m just saying, you and Jake seemed to really enjoy each other's company and he’s a good kid, Bella,” his voice had a hint of concern, probably remembering what Edward’s betrayal had done to me.

“I know, Dad. I just have a jumble of feelings in me at the moment and it’s not exactly the conversation I wanted to be having tonight, especially not with you,” I answered truthfully, hoping it would send him away to watch whatever game was on TV.

“Okay, kid, just wanted to let you know,” he smiled back, clearly as embarrassed as I was before heading off to the living room.

“Night, Dad,” I called out to him after having finished all of my tasks in the kitchen for the night.

“Night, Bells,” he replied, as I ran up the stairs to the privacy of my own room. My heart raced at the thought of being alone with my thoughts but I had decided to not censor them as much. Or at least to try not to.

I sprawled across my bed, facing the white ceiling above me, listening to the rain softly fall.

Plink, plonk, plink, plonk.

I had once reached a point of tolerance with the rain and the cold, as everything I loved most had resembled it. But now after everything, I craved the sun and its warmth more than anything. I sighed, rolling over on my side. The moon was out, not quite full yet, but its light shone dimly behind the clouds. I wondered if Jacob was out with the pack tonight, I knew the rain didn’t bother him.

Jacob. His name swam around my mind, along with his face. The boy that had saved me after jumping off of that cliff, who had cared for me during all of my most painful moments. The boy who had brought back the life in me. He wasn’t so much of a boy anymore. My Jacob had gotten mixed in with Bad Jacob after becoming a werewolf. He wasn’t nearly as naive and sweet as he had been during my first year in Forks. He was different now but so was I and though his attitude and ever changing moods were annoying, I liked who he had become. The fact that he wasn’t fully human didn’t alarm me in the slightest but he had loathed himself for weeks before he could stand to talk about the matter with me. He was my best friend and the love I felt for him was unlike any other.

Unlike any other, I thought again. Could it be that that’s why I had been avoiding my own feelings? Because it didn’t resemble the love I had had for Edward? My head spun as I tried to piece everything together. Could it be possible that I was indeed in love with Jacob? Why was it so hard for me to accept? There was no one but him. He was my entire world, my whole life was tied to him and I had refused to acknowledge it. We were no longer the shy acquaintances we once were when I had first moved back to Forks. Our time spent together had become meaningful, intimate.

I could see it all so clearly now. I was in love with Jacob Black, my Jacob. My own little sun whose warmth I loved so dearly and craved even deeper. How could I not love him? He had shown me time and time again that he would not leave my side, no matter the circumstance. After saving me from the ocean’s pull towards its floor, he had begged to see me open my eyes again, to breathe. His warm hands had frantically searched for a response from me. He had cried as I took my first breaths and pulled me close to him, rocking me softly as he repeated my name.

Now it was me who was crying, the tears had been silently flowing down my cheeks for the past minutes, as I replayed my most tender moments with Jacob. He had not given up on me, even with all of the changes to his life, as he had once promised me at the movie theater.

“But don’t get mad at me for hanging around, okay?” he had patted my hand, “Because I’m not giving up. I’ve got loads of time.”

And suddenly my legs were moving beneath me, my heart beat erratically as I made my way down the stairs, overcome with emotion and excitement. Downstairs, Charlie was still seated in front of the TV but I didn’t even care.

“I’m going to see Jake. I won’t be out late, I promise,” I said frantically, grabbing my keys and opening the door, not bothering to grab a jacket despite the weather. Charlie didn’t even protest, he simply chuckled and gave a thumbs up.

The drive to Jake’s house was tortuous. My truck fought to keep up with the speed I was trying to enforce. My mind raced as I sped. I hadn’t even thought of what I was going to say, I hadn’t even really known how I had gotten out of the house and into my truck. But as I neared the road that wound up to his house, I decided to say anything and everything that was on my mind. Who cared about embarrassment at this point? Before I knew it, I had parked and was making my way to the door. To my disappointment, Billy answered.

“Bella? Is everything okay? Did something happen to Charlie?” he asked, his face clouded with worry.

“Charlie’s fine, I just really needed to talk to Jake,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. I put my shaking hands into the pockets of my jeans.

“Jacob is out back, he just got back from Sam’s,” Billy said, pointing to the little clearing in the woods behind the Black’s house.

“Thanks,” I said, walking briskly in that direction. I could feel his eyes watching me even after I had turned around in search of Jacob.

I was clearly out of breath at this point, something I could easily blame on the brisk pace of my walk if needed. As I walked, I started to see the light of a fire in the distance. Jacob was sitting in front of it, his bare back facing me.

“Jake?”

He turned at the sound of my voice almost instantly, his eyes lit up when he saw me but nothing more than a slight smirk emerged from his face.

“Got tired of ignoring me?” he snorted, rolling his dark eyes. I knew he would probably never admit that my avoiding him had upset him.

“It’s not like you haven’t done that before,” I shot back, my cheeks suddenly warm. I knew he hadn’t enjoyed the space I had created between us but I was surprised at his tone.

“Jesus, Bella,” he shook his head at me angrily, “That was different. I was trying to protect you from myself!”

“Look, Jake, I drove up here to talk to you about something pretty big but if you’re going to just pick fights with me I’ll go back home,” I challenged cooly. I realized I now had the upper hand in this situation. Jacob’s face went still.

“Did the leech come back?” he asked, clearly repulsed.

“Of course he didn’t,” I assured him, hoping to sway him back towards my conversation and my terrain.

Jacob’s body eased slightly at my words and his face was no longer clouded with anger. “Oh. Sorry, Bella. I’m listening, if that helps.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady myself, looking back up at him when I had finished. His gaze pierced into me, those beautiful, dark eyes searching mine for some hint or clue as to what I had to say.

“I’ve been avoiding you,” I confessed, “but it’s not for the reason you think. It’s not because you’re a werewolf or that at times, you’re insanely annoying.”

Jacob rolled his eyes at both statements but stayed silent.

“I think it’s because seeing you made me feel things. Things I wasn’t sure I wanted to feel,” I continued, my pulse quickening as I reached the peak of my full confession.

Jacob’s mouth now curved into a grin. He knew where this was going and he was clearly enjoying it.

“I want to hear you say it,” he said, stepping closer to me, his smile never leaving his face.

“I’m in love with you. As much as I tried to deny it, I am. It’s you, I-I think it always has been but I just didn’t know it till now. You’re the sun, Jake, how could I live without you?” I said, tears had begun to form in my eyes but I was determined not to let them fall. It felt so good to finally say those words out loud and I knew it felt good for him to hear them.

“Bella,” he gasped, taking my face in his hands and pressing his lips against my own. He ran his fingers through my hair, sending shivers down my spine. My own hands were tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to me. His lips moved against mine gently, but with a sense of urgency behind them. His free hand had made its way down to the small of my back, pushing me even closer to him. He was so warm everywhere, his lips, his hands. I could even feel the heat of his body through my clothes and it felt good against the cold, rainy night that surrounded us.

“I knew you loved me,” he whispered, after he had pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine, “I told you I would wait,” he chuckled.

“Oh, Jake, how couldn’t I? You saved me,” I said, cupping his face in my hands. He was so beautiful and warm that I thought I’d melt.

“So did you.” His voice cracked as he said it and I could feel the tears that had escaped on my hands, “I’m in it for the long haul, Bella. You’re it for me. I knew it from the first day you came back to Forks. I’ll be here by your side everyday,” he promised me, kissing my hands that were still holding his face to mine.

I buried my face in his arms in relief, letting myself sink into his warmth. He felt so comfortable and safe. And better yet, he was mine and I was his.

#twilight fanfiction #twilight #bella x jacob #jacob black #bella swan #jacob black imagine #jacob black fluff #twilight saga #team jacob #the pack #quileute

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1dk-whoshifter · 6 months ago

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Unfairness & Bella's position in fanfiction .ᐟ

Ahh (ง •`⎽´•)ง well well well and the opponents of this week is~..

The way Twilight could be written and How Bella seems to catch crap no matter what happens to her in rewrites/Fanfiction.

Point in case ☝🏿🤓 she's either written out or becomes a side point human ✌🏿✊🏿✌🏿✊🏿 . Like give me a Bella who's life is still interlocked with the supernatural world despite never meeting him or despite them not being love interest (っ ͡¬ ₃ ͡¬)っ

Give me Jane x bella or Tanya x bella hell even Victoria x bella side stories would be acceptable.

Like, come on!!! stories where Bella stays human and becomes a teacher like she wanted, having a peaceful stress-free *cough* Renee*cough* life.

Anywho I think Twilight vampires have it rougher than any other vampires genre, like I know what you're thinking but hold on and listen.

1) They can't Eat, Sleep, Cry or wear makeup.

They sparkle so they can get a taste of normalcy but not enough to make them 'human'.

They can't wear makeup, dyed their hair, wear contacts for to long, or play any strength based games with humans.

Oh 🤓☝🏿 and did I forget to mention they can't do drugs nor drink alcohol of any kind.. So yeah..

The things that the human body normally does to gain serotonin, the twilight vampires are unable to do whatsoever.. so their ment to be miserable and sober until they get their lives together like.. 😬

2) blood singers are canonical for every vampire so it doesn't matter if you're a older vegan and you somehow have curved human blood since the moment you were born, you will eventually meet that one person who will f*** your streak up.

3) suicide always been possible in Vampire media for most vampires to commit suicide whether it's burning yourself alive, or decapitating oneself, ripping one's heart out or a stake or holy water, some way somehow vampires have been able to get death after ..death.

4) but Twilight vampires are unable to do anything like that because they have to be dismembered, burned and then the Ashes are basically scattered before they're truly at rest after immortality.

So in short being a Twilight vampire would f****** suck! 😭💔

but do I still want to do it?... yes🥹🥲

. I really have to stop sporadically writing at 3am.⚈̀ ᴗ ́⚈

-Dirty D∅x

Ps. That person with Bella in the drawing isn't Bella's love interest, but what I'm gonna call mini Døx and he usually is added into a drawing when it pertains to a gender neutral imaginary reader~ - BigDøx

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