#Being a rich Christian who loves the things of God and has empathy for others is impossible

[herunswithscissors]

"with God all things are possible!"

What are the "all things" Jesus was referring to?

[qqueenofhades]

Do you really hate this county? Or were you just ranting?

Sigh. I debated whether or not to answer this, since I usually keep the real-life/politics/depressing current events to a relative minimum on this blog, except when I really can't avoid ranting about it. But I have some things to get off my chest, it seems, and you did ask. So.

The thing is, any American with a single modicum of genuine historical consciousness knows that despite all the triumphalist mythology about Pulling Up By Our Bootstraps and the American Dream and etc, this country was founded and built on the massive and systematic exploitation and extermination of Black and Indigenous people. And now, when we are barely (400 years later!!!) getting to a point of acknowledging that in a widespread way, oh my god the screaming. I'm so sick of the American right wing I could spit for so many reasons, not least of which is the increasingly reductive and reactive attempts to put the genie back in the bottle and set up hysterical boogeymen about how Teaching Your Children Critical Race Theory is the end of all things. They have forfeited all pretense of being a real governing party; remember how their only platform at the 2020 RNC was "support whatever Trump says?" They have devolved to the point where the cruelty IS the point, to everyone who doesn't fit the nakedly white supremacist mold. They don't have anything to do aside from attempt to usher in actual, literal, dictionary-definition-of-fascism and sponsor armed revolts against the peaceful transfer of power.

That is fucking exhausting to be aware of all the time, especially with the knowledge that if we miss a single election cycle -- which is exceptionally easy to do with the way the Democratic electorate needs to be wooed and courted and herded like cats every single time, rather than just getting their asses to the polls and voting to keep Nazis out of office -- they will be right back in power again. If Manchin and Sinema don't get over their poseur pearl-clutching and either nuke the filibuster or carve out an exception for voting rights, the John Lewis Voting Rights Act is never going to get passed, no matter how many boilerplate appeals the Democratic leadership makes on Twitter. In which case, the 2022 midterms are going to give us Kevin McCarthy, Speaker of the House (I threw up in my mouth a little typing that) and right back to the Mitch McConnell Obstruction Power Hour in the Senate. The Online Left (TM) will then blame the Democrats for not doing more to stop them. These are, of course, the same people who refused to vote for Hillary Clinton out of precious moral purity reasons in 2016, handed the election to Trump, and now like to complain when the Trump-stacked Supreme Court reliably churns out terrible decisions. Gee, it's almost like elections have consequences!!

Aside from my exasperation with the death-cult right-wing fascists and the Online Left (TM), I am sick and tired of how forty years of "trickle-down" Reaganomics has created a world where billionaires can just fly to space for the fun of it, while the rest of America (and the world) is even more sick, poor, overheated, economically deprived, and unable to survive the biggest public health crisis in a century, even if half the elected leadership wasn't actively trying to sabotage it. Did you know that half of American workers can't even afford a one-bedroom apartment? Plus the obvious scandal that is race relations, health care, paid leave, the education system (or lack thereof), etc etc. I'm so tired of this America Is The Greatest Country in the World mindless jingoistic catchphrasing. We are an empire in the late stages of collapse and it's not going to be pretty for anyone. We have been poisoned on sociopathic-libertarian-selfishness-disguised-as-Freedom ideology for so long that that's all there is left. We have become a country of idiots who believe everything their idiot friends post on social media, but in a very real sense, it's not directly those individuals' fault. How could they, when they have been very deliberately cultivated into that mindset and stripped of critical thinking skills, to serve a noxious combination of money, power, and ideology?

I am tired of the fact that I have become so drained of empathy that when I see news about more people who refused to get the vaccine predictably dying of COVID, my reaction is "eh, whatever, they kind of deserved it." I KNOW that is not a good mindset to have, and I am doing my best to maintain my personal attempts to be kind to those I meet and to do my small part to make the world better. I know these are human beings who believed what they were told by people that they (for whatever reason) thought knew better than them, and that they are part of someone's family, they had loved ones, etc. But I just can't summon up the will to give a single damn about them (I'm keeping a bingo card of right-wing anti-vax radio hosts who die of COVID and every time it's like, "Alexa, play Another One Bites The Dust.") The course that the pandemic took in 21st-century America was not preordained or inevitable. It was (and continues to be) drastically mismanaged for cynical political reasons, and the legacy of the Former Guy continues to poison any attempts to bring it under control or convince people to get a goddamn vaccine. We now have over 100,000 patients hospitalized with COVID across the country -- more than last summer, when the vaccines weren't available.

I have been open about my fury about the devaluation of the humanities and other critical thinking skills, about the fact that as an academic in this field, my chances of getting a full-time job for which I have trained extensively and acquired a specialist PhD are... very low. I am tired of the fact that Americans have been encouraged to believe whatever bullshit they fucking please, regardless of whether it is remotely true, and told that any attempt to correct them is "anti-freedom." I am tired of how little the education system functions in a useful way at all -- not necessarily due to the fault of teachers, who have to work with what they're given, and who are basically heroes struggling stubbornly along in a profession that actively hates them, but because of relentless under-funding, political interference, and furious attempts, as discussed above, to keep white America safely in the dark about its actual history. I am tired of the fact that grade school education basically relies on passing the right standardized tests, the end. I am tired of the implication that the truth is too scary or "un-American" to handle. I am tired. Tired.

I know as well that "America" is not synonymous in all cases with "capitalist imperialist white-supremacist corporate death cult." This is still the most diverse country in the world. "America" is not just rich white middle-aged Republicans. "America" involves a ton of people of color, women, LGBTQ people, Muslims, Jews, Christians of good will (I have a whole other rant on how American Christianity as a whole has yielded all pretense of being any sort of a principled moral opposition), white allies, etc etc. all trying to make a better world. The blue, highly vaccinated, Biden-winning states and counties are leading the economic recovery and enacting all kinds of progressive-wishlist dream policies. We DID get rid of the Orange One via the electoral process and avert fascism at the ballot box, which is almost unheard-of, historically speaking. But because, as also discussed above, certain elements of the Democratic electorate need to fall in love with a candidate every single time or threaten to withhold their vote to punish the rest of the country for not being Progressive Enough, these gains are constantly fragile and at risk of being undone in the next electoral cycle. Yes, the existing system is a crock of shit. But it's what we've got right now, and the other alternative is open fascism, which we all got a terrifying taste of over the last four years. I don't know about you, but I really don't want to go back.

So... I don't know. I don't know if that stacks up to hate. I do hate almost everything about what this country currently is, structurally speaking, but I recognize that is not identical with the many people who still live here and are trying to do their best, including my friends, family, and myself. I am exhausted by the fact that as an older millennial, I am expected to survive multiple cataclysmic economic crashes, a planet that is literally boiling alive, a barely functional political system run on black cash, lies, and xenophobia, a total lack of critical thinking skills, renewed assaults on women/queer people/POC/etc, and somehow feel like I'm confident or prepared for the future. Not all these problems are only America's fault alone. The West as a whole bears huge responsibility for the current clusterfuck that the world is in, for many reasons, and so do some non-Western countries. But there is no denying that many of these problems have ultimate American roots. See how the ongoing fad for right-wing authoritarian strongmen around the world has them modeling themselves openly on Trump (like Brazil's lunatic president, Jair Bolsonaro, who talks all the time about how Trump is his political role model). See what's going on in Afghanistan right now. Etc. etc.

Anyway. I am very, very tired. There you have it.

[faithj0urneys]

TED Talk incoming:

Frustrated because I strongly disagree with a very small handful of Catholic teachings, but Episcopalianism doesn’t quite scratch the same itch in my soul (and frankly I find it a bit too liberal in some aspects). And, despite the fact that it was the denomination I was raised in and I have a lot of love for it, I don’t think I could go back to Lutheranism — I disagree with Martin Luther too deeply on too many of his teachings to ever really feel comfortable.

although, I suppose very very few people ever wholly and unflinchingly agree with every single thing their church teaches. And I believe blind, absolute unquestioning obedience in anything in wrong, and Christianity has a strong, rich history of theological debate; Questioning and challenging to reach a deeper understanding isn’t wrong — it should be encouraged. And also consider that the majority of American Catholics disagree with certain Church teachings; Frankly, I don’t think it makes them bad Christians or even bad Catholics. I think it’s very normal to disagree, and even healthy (and I think necessary!) to challenge and wrestle with teachings and questions. Grappling with faith really engaging with God is important. I think you come out the other end of it with a deepened relationship with God and greater understanding.

not to mention I don’t believe that any institution is infallible, given the fact that they are run by humans — who are, by the simple virtue of being human, imperfect and therefore subject to corruption and bias. The Church was indeed founded by Jesus, but considering that it has been run by humans ever afterward, of course it (like everything else humans touch) is subject to being less than perfect, because human beings are less than perfect. (That isn’t to say that it’s all corrupt — of course not! — but simply that people have the potential to cause damage and have done so.) Even though I respect them, I take the words of every religious leader (from every denomination) with a grain of salt — because no human is infallible. Only God is. That said, I think humans can be inspired by the teachings of God and that they can and should attempt to guide people in the way of Jesus as best as they can, with as much empathy and love as Jesus had — but they are also only human. They can and should try their best, but they are not perfect. (I don’t believe the Pope is 100% infallible, but I do believe that the Pope has a righteous heart and a good conscience and is a good and pious man, and so when in doubt I very often do trust his judgement and take his advice; He is the Pope for good reason and I think he is of sound mind and is trying his best to act in the interest of humanity.)

So what to do? If I believe in like 995/1000 teachings of Catholicism, but the 5 that I disagree with are controversial, is it even worth the judgement I’d get from other Catholics, accusing me of not being a “Good” Catholic for not agreeing with every single Church teaching? (…Are they not themselves imperfect sinners too? who are they to judge?) Or do I continue being Protestant (probably Episcopalian) and disagreeing with some of their teachings as well and never truly feeling fulfilled?

Anyway. Desiderius Erasmus was based and both the Church and the Protestants should’ve listened to him more, maybe we’d all be a bit better off by now. I will not be elaborating further at this time

[the-wild-oracle]

Introduction of Spirituality, Women and God. The spark of Awakening.

If your one of the selected few who can across this page, God bless.

Hello I am called the wild Oracle and this is a brand new page. If you want to know the purpose of this page please read the description on my profile. I am all about representing women, the spiritual feminist movement, variation of topics and controversies. I am a free writer and my opinions is not someone else's reality. I am not here to bash, mislead, misrepresent anyone. Toxicity does not live here. In my next post I will be writing on the topic of 'Who am I?'. My content mostly contains writing, am not here to dress up. I will add one or two pictures now and then. I am also a very busy individual but when it comes on to my writing I'll delve in. Please feel free to ask me questions or message me. I do not offer tarot reading services. I do offer advice on dating and relationships etc.

So please prepare yourselves for a wide range of topics. Those who are not interested in, in depth spirituality please do not come here to mock me nor anyone else.

So why are people afraid of spirituality? To me in fact people are just scared to think that completely different realms are out there except from planet earth, people just want to stay stuck in materialism because its easier, people are afraid of shattering the masks, people them love to remain in their ego. They think being spiritual is something boring.

What if I told you spirituality is fun?

• Spirituality is Liberating.

• Spirituality is the eternal consciousness of truth.

• Spirituality is for all: the rich, the poor, the sick, the needy, the fortunate, the business man, the business women. Everyone!

• Without spirituality you will forever be lost.

• Spirituality is empowering, encouraging.

• Spirituality offers empathy also destroys the ego all at the same time.

• Spirituality is cleansing.

Why will i mostly focus on Women. In this modern world women all over are being abused, raped, mislead, misguided, restricted. Someone on this platform will come across my page and find it comfortable. A spiritual place where the words that are being offered, are words of pure, raw, undefiled honesty. Men are important, don't get me wrong but our women have been so abused from History. In order to break the toxicity between men and women, it has to first begin from the women.

Can't you see that we women have been hurt from historical days where we had little to nor freedom. Men I am warning you to please stop abusing our women: mentally, physically and emotionally. Men need to understand that this is a linage from our once abused ancestral women that has passed on their hurt and pain unto our modern women.

I have a lot of serious topics to discuss. Before I delve into that, I am going to begin from the root.

Think of my posts as a tree of wholesome awesomeness. This tree cannot be found on earth. Its in a wonderful realm in the spirit which subjects you to wisdom, awe and wonder.

As a woman you are not only a queen, your a representation of wonderful goddess all over the world.

My favourite Hindu goddess is Mahakali which was derived from Parvarthi.

So who am I. Why must you read my content? I'll expound below.

Let me tell you a few details: I'm a black woman, I live in the Caribbean, I am my mother's last child, my main religious affiliation is Christianity.

In my posts I won't be focusing on Christianity. Why? Because no one should be defines by Christianity. You are yourself and not a religion. A lot of Christians also stress the fact of religion but has 0 (zero) intimacy with God.

Intimacy with God means having a bond or personal relationship with him.

God has no limits and a lot of Christians allow God to seem as if he is a stuck up God. God can use anyone and anything. God takes no shape, religion or form. Christians love to pin down God just like in Historical days men try to pin down women.

A lot of Christians are not diving into the infinite waters. They are limited and stuck in religion. Nothing is wrong with being religious but it has to be balanced with intimacy and spirituality.

1. The similarity between God and women. God has the holy spirit and women represent the holy spirit.

2. God loves unconditionally and so do women. Even when the world is on a woman's shoulder's she will still display love and gratitude. She will continuing going and keep moving forward.

3. Even when we disappoint God miserably he continues on being God. Even after a woman goes through heart break and sorrow, she has no choice but to continue being a woman. For e.g. The father of her child may leave but because she's a woman who represents the holy spirit, she continues being a parent to that child, even after the heart break.

The name that I gave myself sounds like the username of a Wattpad author's book. Do not judge these writings by the name.

This is the thing with being spiritual, you can't let the surface deceive you.

The thing with the people in the world is that, they would rather watch Beyonce and Lil Nax X shaking their asses etc on social media other than coming into existence with their selves. Nothing Is wrong with these celebs but what about you? Yes they are appealing, their rich etc but what are you doing? You cannot follow a man or a woman who has already been there done that...unless you know all the routes they take and most of the time the route is not pleasant. So be wary.

A lot of persons think spirituality is a fantasy. All they care about is science, scientifically proven evidence etc. Am sure Science did not create the moon, so science is not that powerful. It is useful but not powerful enough to explain hidden knowledge.

Imagine I'm here sharing these things but you'll always find one someone who is hateful, selfish and condescending towards understanding their own existence.

Just to be clear I love haters, scoffers, mockers, laughers more than even my supporters. You make me happy to know that I'm doing something well. I love you.

For all those who are suffering or struggling during COVID-19 times please this is your breakthrough. For those of who who's family members are in the hospital, God shall make you testify by healing that family member. As for the others of you who are mentally ill God has not forgotten you. For those of you who have been seeing things or visions with your spiritual eyes and you told others about it and they say you have a mental illness. That's a lie from the pit of hell. Your GIFTED!

Ask God to shield you from evil energies also.

For any pregnant, disabled or special people that came across this channel God loves you.

If your considering abortion don't do it. If you do it that's your choice to live with. I can hear God telling me a crystal, rainbow or starseed child.

When I say these things, am just writing based off what God is showing me. I hope all those who read this, I hope you are beginning to understand what a woman is, who God is and what spirituality is about.

The right persons will see this message. In Jesus name.

My next official post will be next Saturday EST Caribbean time.

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

My Ryden Recs

not in any particular order

The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series (11/10)

~513k words

Ryan "Heterosexual" Ross and his incredibly popular prog rock band, The Followers, start their summer tour for their new hit album "Boneless" in June of 1974. However, Ryan begins to take a shine to their new roadie, the ever mysterious Brendon No-Last-Name-Given, who dodges questions about his past and flaunts his flamboyant homosexuality. After an assault by a member of the supporting act, Brendon and Ryan get their payback, and begin to bond. But much to Ryan's confusion and alarm, he starts to want something he can't let himself have, starts to feel something he can't let himself feel.

--Okay I kinda lied. This list is in no particular order EXCEPT for this one. This one is the best. Anna Green owns my ass. I'm not someone who's picky about first vs third person, but if you are, then just this once throw that out the window and read this utter masterpiece. Ryan's character development throughout is so touching, but my god he fucks up a lot. One of my friends who has gone through the process of buying the physical copies and annotating them says that Ryan majorly fucks up over 50 times. Emotional rollercoaster straight ahead!--

Freaks (7/10)

~45k words

Ryan's face was permanently disfigured when he was 12 years old, and since then, the only person who has ever stood by his side is his best friend Spencer. After earning the nickname "Freak" in high school, he finally accepts that nobody will ever want him, or ever treat him normally again. But after an accident that lands him temporarily in the hospital, he meets Brendon. They get along great, and Ryan begins to fall in love. One small problem though:

Brendon had been recently blinded. Neither of them know if it's permanent, and Ryan is sure that if Brendon knew about his face, he would leave him forever.

--I really liked this one. It makes you sit on edge and every single time you think that Ryan will finally confess and tell the truth, he blue balls you like an asshole. This story is so sad and so sweet, I definitely recommend. Also, there's some background Joncer, which is really cute. Definitely a worthy read if you're looking for some angsty fluff. Oh, and a little aside: the author, spazzyskittles on LJ, actually beta-ed a lot of Anna Green's Ryden fics, including THROAM! So do with that what you will ;)--

The Red Eyed Owl Series (10/10)

~403k words

As one of the best players of one of the best National Hockey League teams, the Chicago Hounds, Ryan Ross has everything he could ever want. Young, famous, and free to do whatever he damn well pleases, the world either wants him or wants to be him. But after a leg injury that could potentially ruin his career, Ryan begins to realise that perhaps he doesn't have everything. Perhaps some things can mean so much more than women throwing themselves at you every chance they get and receiving bottomless drinks at sports bars. Perhaps he could fall in love.

--This was actually recommended to me by @wandering-verses and it was 100% worth the read. I broke out crying in the middle of class during the second book, and I cried again at 3 am when I stayed up all night to finish it. It's one of those that fucks you up so bad that you can't read anything else for a little while after finishing. Now, both the authors are from Spain, so English isn't their native tongue, but it's so well written that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't read the notes at the very beginning. An all time Ryden fave.--

Missing In Action (10/10)

~204k words

In where the American Civil War goes differently, the nation once known as the United States of America is instead separated into two: DURA and Beauregia. The latter didn't change much in terms of their economy. Slavery is still legal, and the kingdom is ruled under a tight, Christian monarchy. Their king is Boyd Beauregard. His only son, crown Prince Brendon Beauregard, heir to the throne, resides in the highly respected Saint Francis' Academy. DURA on the other hand developed quickly, a democracy founded on new technology and equitable ideals.

Everyday, bipartisanship seems farther away from grasp, and DURA, realising that cooperation is impossible, creates the DURA investigative bureau. Identifying the crown prince as the Royal Family's weakest link, they realise that he could become an infinitely invaluable asset to them. Agent Ross, under the pseudonym "Ryan Hastings", is chosen to go undercover, enroll in Saint Francis' boarding school, infiltrate the Prince's friend group, and gain his trust by any means necessary.

--I'm ashamed to admit that I let this one pass me by for a while. I read the words "American Civil War" and I automatically assumed that this would be a mid 1800's Civil War fic about closeted gay soilders, and I'm not against that, but the premise didn't really interest me. But once I finally caved and started reading, I quickly realised not only was the premise entirely different, but it was really fuckin' good. Read this!!!!--

Esoteric Contagion (8/10)

~18k words

He wakes up with a note stuck to his forehead that reads, “You traded your memory in a spell. It was worth it.” The note is signed George Ross. He wonders if that’s his name.

In which things are lost and gained and remembered and forgotten, in that order.

--Despite being the shortest on this list, I loved it to death. You will cry so hard, I promise. This story is so sad. The author can deal so many shocking blows in less than 20,000 words, and you will be completely invested. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's massively underrated, and it will fuck you up.--

Two Vatos Locos Series (7/10)

~311k words

When you have your first dream with your soulmate, everything changes. But after years and years of watching all his friends have their dreams and fall in love, Ryan started to wonder if he would ever has his dream. At twenty, Ryan started to get desperate. He went to doctors, therapists, even a fucking palm reader. No one could tell him what was wrong with him. There was only one explanation: his soulmate had to be dead.

Ryan spent endless hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, begging, wishing, praying to have his dream and meet his soulmate. One day, with blood gushing down his face and vomit coating his tongue, his prayers were finally answered.

And now, as he stares at this scared, helpless boy, with bloodied rope burns around his wrists and tears staining his cheeks, he wishes that they never were.

--The title "Dos Vatos Locos Lleno de Carnalismo y Inamorates" roughly translates to "Two Crazy Dudes Full of Carnality and Infatuation," which is definitely accurate. I did enjoy this fic; it was cute, sad, and very interesting, but if you are interested in reading, you will need to be patient at times. Some passages seem like filler and the writing in a few places is kinda dry or cringey. But it's still overall a good story though. WARNING: Brendon is underage for most of this fic, but nothing sexual happens until he is of age.--

The Way Home From Nowhere Series (9/10)

~158k words

After his parents find out about his relationship with another boy, Brendon Urie makes a snap decision to flee from his abusive home. After a quick makeover to hide his identity, he decides to thumb a ride. He starts living the life he never even dreamed he could. Talking openly about things like sex, condoms, and homosexuality- he's happier then he's ever been.

There's one problem though.

His new roommates, Ryan and Spencer, have no idea that he is the missing Mormon boy from the nearby town of Summerlin.

--Ladies and gents, welcome to my first ever Ryden fic! This will always be a favourite of mine. Both Brendon's arc and Ryan's are are so heartbreaking, and there were so many times that I wanted to reach into the story and give Dallon a hug. So many tragedies in this story, and not all of them solved. I don't have any empathy for Brendon's parents in this story, but I feel so hard for his siblings, and for Marc. I just wish they knew. This story is so heartbreaking and yet so happy. Will play with your emotions like they're a shiny new toy.--

Filthy Lucre (10/10)

~362k words

Ryan Ross is living the American wet dream. He’s rich, he’s good looking, he gets paid just to turn up at parties and he spends his days drinking, doing drugs and climbing into bed with eager and willing boys and girls. His parents and PA beg him to quit, and his brother turns up his noise at his destructive lifestyle, but Ryan is desperate to sink into the void, escape the memories of what his father's friend did to him when he was fifteen.

Brendon Urie is a man bordering on desperation. He whores himself out to millionaire bankers and CEOs to fund his boyfriend's heroin addiction and pay off his ungrateful father's medical bills. Things could be worse, though. He's lucky enough to have a roof over his head, to be living with the love of his life, to no longer have to hook on the street, but instead be privileged enough to turn tricks in the wealthy circles of Wall Street and Goldman Sachs.

Where a broken boy meets another broken boy, and falls in love.

--Normally, I would never recommend an unfinished fic, let alone fic that hasn't been updated in four years, unless it was it was so good and so engaging that it made me literally scream. Trust me when I say that you have not experienced true hatred until you read this fic. I have literally never hated a character more in my entire life, and I know who Dolores Umbridge is, for reference. The best thing about this fic, in my opinion, is that the characters, whether good guys or bad guys, do evil. And they do it on purpose. Because the characters feel and act as though they're real, and real people fucking suck.--

The Black Rose Season (8/10)

~158k words

Ryan Ross' life is essentially over when his scholarship is inexplicably cancelled and he will be forced to pay his way through school. As a young, broke college student, Ryan is desperate to find cash fast, but to no avail. Just when he thinks all hope is lost, a mysterious benefactor promises to pay his tuition in full, on one condition: Ryan is infiltrate Sigma Chi Beta, the most prestigious and cultish fraternity that Swan University has to offer. And if, by some miracle, Ryan succeeds, his mission is clear:

Befriend Brendon Urie, fellow Swan Sigma, and, more importantly, alleged leader of Sigma Chi Beta's secret society, which might not even exist. He is to document his findings, and send them to his benefactor. One small problem though: Brendon fucking hates his guts.

--Did I mention that Anna Green owns my ass? Because Anna Green owns my ass. This one is so fleshed out, and there are some moments where it really spikes you in the chest. Every time that Patrick comes onto the page, my interest piques, and I remember That One Scene™ that completely changed my perspective of him (You'll understand once you read). Besides... college AU? Secret societies? Betrayal? Enemies to lovers? Sexual tension? Need I say more?--

I have more fics to recommend if you guys like this list, so tell me if you want more fic recs

[noconcernofyours]

Pinning Down My Kind of Movie

Warning: Wanky, self-indulgent ramblings about Hollywood auteurs to follow

A couple of days ago, I sat down with my housemate to watch Miami Vice (2006) directed by Michael Mann (Heat, Collateral) and starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx. Since we moved into our place, my housemate has gradually been exposed to my taste in movies, and the other day, sat in front of a strung-out Colin Farrell ordering mojitos to ‘Numb/Encore’ during an undercover sting, he finally confronted me with a crisis-inducing statement: “You know, I can’t figure out what your kind of movie is.”

If I am to be totally honest, it doesn’t take much to send me into an existential tailspin, but this observation got me thinking enough to want to sit down and write about it, so here we are. My name’s Daniel and I love movies! When I was a teenager, I was certain I wanted to be a film critic, so I started writing in earnest. The problem was I wasn’t that well rounded as a viewer. I confined myself to the world of comic book movies and Disney animation. I turned my nose up at pretty much everything else before realising that I didn’t actually know much or have much to offer about film. Instead, I turned to music criticism because that’s where my knowledge base is.

That being said, I still loved movies, and as the years have gone on, I have been rapidly expanding my film knowledge and broadened my horizons extensively. I got called a “film buff” for the first time recently, which really shocked me. I still don’t feel well-watched enough, or knowledgeable enough to fit a moniker like that. Maybe it’s imposter syndrome, but I really feel like I have a way to go yet.

My Letterboxd bio includes the phrase “admirer of film nerds”, and I think that admiration informs the entire way I look at the world of film. I read a lot of reviews and listen to a lot of podcasts by smart, unpretentious film obsessives like David Sims, Griffin Newman, Katey Rich, Karen Han and Bilge Ebiri, but that same admiration also informs the kind of films I enjoy the most. In confronting the statement from my housemate, I realised that while there are some genres I gravitate to more than others, my taste in movies is largely defined by the extent to which I can pick up on a single authorial voice driving the film. A director, writer, actor, composer or cinematographer who has a real, obsessive love for their craft whose influence and personality can be felt in every layer of a film’s construction. Franchises are a different beast, but it’s usually the entries in a franchise that feel like passion projects for individual filmmakers that I love the most, which is why Iron Man 3 is by far my favourite Marvel movie.

Over the last few months I’ve started building a fairly extensive Blu-Ray collection. I love physical media because I like to have a tangible representation of the art I love, but it also allows me to physically organise my thoughts about film rather than moving things around on a spreadsheet or in my head. It has also had an effect on how I watch films. Spending money on a film makes me feel more obligated to watch it through to the end in one sitting, to not be on my phone at the same time and to pay closer attention. It’s also made my approach to picking the films I watch more considered. I’ve been hunting down the films I haven’t seen by directors I love, fuelled by newfound completionism, and I’ve been subconsciously prioritising this kind of auteur-driven mindset in a way that has revealed, over time, who my favourite filmmakers are.

So, with that in mind, let’s transform this meandering, self-indulgent think piece into a meandering, self-indulgent listicle. Here are the filmmakers that have changed the way I watch movies:

Christopher Nolan

I know this is a bit of a film bro cliché, but I promise I’m not one of those film school douchebags who’s convinced they’re going to be the next great big budget auteur. Like a lot of other people my age, I discovered Christopher Nolan through the batman movies. I was taken to see The Dark Knight by my parents when I was 10 years old, not having seen Batman Begins, and it blew my mind. For years after that, I was one of those arseholes who had a terrible Joker impression that I whipped out at parties, until I became aware of the cliché and never did it again.

In the years since I’ve watched all of his other movies and gained a new love of Interstellar and The Prestige – movies that taught me a lot about the authorial voice and interweaving a central theme into every element of a film. I also learned that just because I find it annoying when the same tropes turn up in every Quentin Tarantino movie, recurring tropes throughout a filmmaker’s catalogue aren’t universally a bad thing.

The Coen Brothers

Representation is important. The tough thing about watching films from an auteur-driven perspective is that so many of the most important filmmakers in Hollywood are approaching their films from a white, Christian, male perspective. Scorsese is a particularly difficult director for me to appreciate because so many of his films are overtly informed by his Christianity. My Jewish identity is the most significant aspect of my identity, so naturally I’m always looking for films made from a Jewish perspective, overt or otherwise.

Whilst the Coen brothers don’t always make movies about explicitly Jewish characters or subject matters, their Jewishness always comes out in their writing, particularly in the totally undidactic way they approach the subject of faith in almost every film they’ve made. Their approach to God, fate, spirituality and religion is never one of moralising certainty, but rather a questioning one, which is a fundamental aspect of Jewish existence. I feel represented on multiple levels in the films of the Coen brothers, particularly in Inside Llewyn Davis which is my favourite film of the last decade, in ways that other directors could never manage. For the same reasons I will forever be excited about the potential of the Safdie brothers.

Stephen Spielberg

Whilst the Jewishness of Stephen Spielberg is a major attraction for me (Catch Me If You Can, his moody Christmas movie, comes across as weirdly Jewish to me), the thing that has solidified the guy as one of my favourite filmmakers is his approach to telling true stories. Unlike the Coen brothers, it’s Spielberg’s self-assuredness and didacticism that fuels my love of his work. His spate of recent, politically switched-on, historical dramas (Lincoln, Bridge of Spies and The Post) are all incredible achievements in effectively giving quiet dramas about people talking in rooms the tension and stakes of great action movies.

It’s the obvious thing to say at this point that Spielberg is one of the few genuine masters of the cinematic language, but while most will point to his massive, populist movies of the 80s and 90s as the definitive examples of that, I would point to his spottier late career with its moralising and earnestness as where his most exhilarating work lies.

Michael Mann

I like that Michael Mann is uncompromising. He makes films which, based on premise and star power, should be commercial knockouts, but they almost never are. He has an incredibly clear sense of self, and like Nolan has a lot of frequently recurring tropes in his films. Michael Mann makes films about Men Making Tough Choices™. He builds detailed, intensely researched worlds and he loves crime!

There’s something special when a filmmaker can tread the same ground over and over again and never convey the same central message twice. Nearly all of Mann’s movies are gritty, neo-noir thrillers with an obsessive attention to detail, but all of them deal with a totally distinct existential question which runs through every element of the film, from meta casting to set design, to music, to Mann’s pioneering use of digital photography. I’m just obsessed!

Stephen Soderbergh

Soderbergh is a hill that I’m going to be climbing for quite some time, I think. This is a guy who is relentlessly prolific, taking on a ridiculous number of roles on set himself, and working so fast that he often churns out multiple films in a year. With limited funds and a determination to watch movies legally, my progress through Soderbergh’s filmography has been slow, but I’ve loved every one I’ve watched so far.

As much as I love the guy’s mastery of the heist movie, and the way he slips those story telling devices into a lot of his non-heist stories, I think what really gets me about Soderbergh is the way his filmmaking style always seems to feel tooled towards portraying his characters with as much empathy as possible. Often his films are about people working or learning to empower themselves and coming to terms with their own identities. Anyway, go watch Out of Sight! It’s a damn masterpiece!

Kathryn Bigelow

Kathryn Bigelow’s career is full of insane ups and downs, but as far as I’m concerned, despite the difficulties she’s had getting her movies made and seen, she has three unqualified masterworks: Point Break, Strange Days and The Hurt Locker. On this list of directors, Bigelow has perhaps the most stylistically varied body of work, but her best work, much like that of other directors that I find myself drawn to, is largely concerned with obsession. Her characters are deeply flawed, but unwaveringly driven. What I love is that despite her drastic genre change from pulpy action thriller to hyper-realistic docudrama, she’s managed to hold on to that fascination with obsession, and an acute, outsider’s understanding of masculinity and its fragility.

Kathryn Bigelow has had to adapt to keep working, but because of that, she’s managed to develop a voice and a personality that is versatile enough to withstand her career shifts, but strong enough that it hasn’t been chipped away at by the difficulties she’s faced as a woman in Hollywood.

So, what was the point of all this?

Honestly, there wasn’t one. This was a piece of self-indulgence that allowed me to navigate an idea over which I was obsessing for a little while. That being said, I think if I had read something along these lines a few years ago, I would have delved into the world of director-focused movie watching far sooner. It’s hard to quickly and easily define the role of a director in contemporary film, particularly due to the ever growing influence of studios, but in the world in which the above filmmakers operate, the director has final say over all the creative decisions involved in putting together a movie. For me, the most exciting films are the ones that clearly and effectively communicate a single creative voice. Sue me, I love auteurs.

[obsidianarchives]

My Heaven is a Republic

I’m not a religious person. A huge reason why is my grandmother, a deeply critical woman who moved to Detroit during the Great Migration. She would often call out the Black churches in Detroit for their hypocrisy: always a poor congregation and a rich pastor. She was spiritual, though. She believed in God, and because of her I went to several Catholic elementary schools. And like many queer kids who went to religious schools, I left them as a self-proclaimed atheist, having experienced firsthand the disingenuousness of a religion that taught love and forgiveness but, in practice, hated difference. I was bullied mercilessly and had teachers who belittled me. I saw clearly that none of the lessons in chapel or religion class seemed to be practiced by anyone, save a few tender adults. 

Then I got older and noticed that queers and women were reviled by the people I knew who were church-going. I was the only teen in high school not in a church youth group, and the only one who spoke up loudly about reproductive rights, gay rights, and the dangers of capitalism.

It’s no wonder that I had my own spiritual texts. 

The first was Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, which I read at 10 years old in a book club that my sister attended. We both loved reading, and as my mom was a comically neglectful parent, my sister looked after me, which is why I was the lone child at a book club of old Detroit radicals at Detroit’s Unitarian church. We both read Parable of the Sower in one night.

The book changed me. Detroit in the ’90s felt a little like the apocalyptic Oakland of the novel. Empty crumbling ruins. The yearly fear of homes ablaze on Devil’s Night. The puzzling undercurrent of why the suburbs had street lights but my neighborhood did not. 

For me, it was barely fantasy to imagine the world of Parable, a world of ecological and economic nightmares spun from greed and disregard of Black and brown neighborhoods. When Lauren, the main character, turns from her beloved father’s Christianity to a grassroots spiritual movement of her own, it struck a chord.

God is change

Pretentious little nerd that I was, I knew there was a reason people throughout history had religion. It could explain what happened around you, what happened to you, what happens after you die. As an anxious child, I fretted over death and the unknown. As a sensitive child, I fretted over the destruction of the rainforest, of the dwindling elephants killed for ivory. I knew that these were big feelings to grapple with, but also that saying it was God’s plan seemed like an empathy cop-out. I didn’t do drugs or drink as a teen (though I would later), but I deeply understand Marx’s assertion that “religion is the opium of the masses.” It’s so much easier to think that something or someone else will fix your woes and pain. Religion is a better drug than the shitty brick weed I smoked in college, but I imagine it results in the same numb feeling of “not my problem.” 

All that you touch

you change.

All that you change

changes you.

In high school, I was in a youth volunteer program that was heavily political. Because my sister attended, and she watched me and my brother, we would tag along. I owe my entire political education and radical mind frame to this time. I learned the history of my city and country, about the political power of art and gardening, about food and environmental justice, about gender and racial inequality. Nearly all the adults who ran the program were queer, as well as several of the older teens I admired. I started to notice homophobia more in the world, and was troubled. We were taught to be youth leaders, to advocate for social change, to think of a new way of living — as we saw all around us how capitalism failed my hometown, gutted its beauty and resources, mowed down its Black and Chinese neighborhoods to build freeways for white suburbanites to travel more easily through the city. Change is inevitable, and we learned to be the change we wished to see in the world. 

The only lasting truth 

is change

Empires fall. That’s what world history teaches us. What is perhaps less obvious is that change is slow. The US is still not post-segregation, post-lynching, or post-homophobia. It can be overwhelming, the cycle of two steps forward and one step back. But change happens regardless, it is constant, and, most importantly, it can be shaped communally and personally. 

I’m not immune to the fact that my other spiritual text — the His Dark Materials series by Philip Pullman, like Parable of the Sower — also interrogates Christian-based teachings. The books are dense with Western art and religious imagery, allusions, and symbolism, but the most impactful part for me happens on the last page of the last book, The Amber Spyglass:

“We have to be all those difficult things, like cheerful and curious and brave and kind and patient, and we’ve got to study and think and work hard, all of us, in our different worlds, and then we’ll build...the republic of heaven”

Lyra, the main character, is home from her adventure, having saved the multiverse. In doing so, she has preserved Dust, the physical manifestation of the intentional good things conscious beings create. Dust is not finite, it can be created, through hard work, through treating people kindly and patiently, through learning and growing. I use this as my moral (golden) compass to guide me every day. I maintain a calm, kind, public vibe, even when I'm angry or frustrated. I compliment people freely. I donate to strangers’ GoFundMes. I offer to drive for friends and coworkers. I practice active listening. I challenge people when they say fucked up things. I’ve become a Professional Mentally Ill Queer Weirdo through my podcast, The Gayly Prophet. This is hard work, especially for someone like me, with depression and anxiety, where it would be so very easy to be dismissive and apathetic and withdrawn from the world. But that’s not the kind of world I want other people to live in. I hear from listeners every day that my openness has changed their lives and their relationships with themselves — this is the kind of world I want to live in. 

I don’t do any of these things looking for some reward in a cartoon afterlife. The reason I try to live a moral and just life is that I believe the meaning of my life is to shape a better world. To build the republic of heaven.

We do not worship god.

We perceive and attend god.

With forethought and work

We shape god.

In the end, we yield to god.

We adopt and endure,

For we are Earthseed,

And god is change.

[xthe-corrupt-angelx]

Meet the Muse | Eve Gabriel

**partial credit to @miami-blanke -we made this OC together

Name: Eve Gabriel

Age: Unknown

Height: 6'2

Birthplace: Salt Lake City, Utah///Banished to Atlanta, Georgia

Birthday: June 24th

Zodiac: Cancer

Sexuality: Open to whoever

Top/bottom/switch: General switch with anyone-dom leaning w/ men(or masculine muses), sub leaning w/ women(or feminine muses)

FC: Samuel Larsen

Likes/Interests/Hobbies: Night scenery, punk music(but secretly loves classical), anything beauty related, being alone most of the time, long in depth conversations, anything black or red, old books, old paintings, dark academia, vintage aesthetic, Polaroids

Dislikes: Rudeness, cockiness, being yelled at, being talked down to, people who don't accept them, early mornings, bright lights, loud noises, strong smells, uncleanliness, people who are passive aggressive

Family History: Eve was born into a highly Christian, very wealthy, and highly Mormon family where their parents were both doctors. They have many, many siblings, all of who they never really knew. A few months after Eve was born, both of their parents were in a fatal car accident that resulted in their death. Eve was sent to an orphanage, but their stay there didn't last long. Not even a couple hours later, God came down and brought them back to an orphanage in the heavens, where they stayed until the age of about 11. The rest of the siblings however, Eve never met most of them. They remember a very foggy memory of one, who was sent away not long after

Description: Eve spent most of their time staying inside the orphanage, not wanting to socialize much and was quite lost. When Eve questioned where they were and why, God told them that they had a gift. They were born an angel, one that was meant to protect others from harm. Being born into a rich and well known family, God saw their newest child as a very special one. He saw Eve as a protector, one that would never get caught up in any harmful situation. Little did God know, that would end up being a little more twisted in Eve's mind than he thought. The Tree of Knowledge still existed, lived, and was something Eve was sent to first protect. God knew that Eve didn't know their name, and wanted to almost redeem the story of Genesis. Giving Eve a new last name was also part of God's plan, knowing that Eve didn't have much family at all. Gabriel came about because of that reason, wanting Eve to make families for others even if they couldn't have one of their own. They became the "Seer of Fertility," where they could tell families what the fate was of their unborn child would be, and what that looked like for the rest of them. Protecting The Tree of Life was a simple task, watching over the tree and paying attention to the serpent that still roamed. God told Eve to never listen to the serpent, and told them about the original story of Adam and Eve; one that was meant to caution them. But Eve was so desperate to know the answers, why they were alone, why they were ripped from family, and what was their true purpose living up in Heaven. Eventually, they became frustrated and the unanswered questions became too much to bear. Being the protector of The Tree of Life and knowing the true story behind it, it was a two way battle for them. Without being persuaded by the serpent, Eve ate from the tree anyway; something God worried about. They could've asked God themselves, but they were told that too much knowledge was power and could do more harm than anything else. But they were desperate, they needed to know. Eve, now 11 years old, was facing the harsh reality against God's word. God cursed the forever dull pain of carrying wings, one that made even emerging them uncomfortable. Eve got used to this pain eventually, and accepted it. However, God wasn't finished. Eve was pushed from Heaven and was told to never return. Eve was sent down into the criminal crowd on purpose, something they didn't know or discovered. God hoped it would teach them respect, loyalty to what really means something to you, empathy, and what it means to take accountability. Eve felt betrayed and sickened, knowing that all they wanted was answers. It hurt deep down inside of them, leaving them asking more questions about how could God not love his children, and why he would punish them for wanting answers to their past. Eve was alone for a couple weeks, wandering the streets in search for something to live for. The pain of carrying wings, even if they weren't there, was made a rather normal feeling due to how much they would simply fly around for hours on end. They had nothing, and didn't even know where they were banished to. That is until one day, a group of criminals took him in. They were not the kind to rob local shops or murder for fun, but rather a group who wanted to kill off people who did more harm than good. Being raised by criminals confused the idea of a God born child in their mind, unsure of what their purpose really was now. They were taught the ways of criminal life, how to spot people who were the real bad guys, and how to use their abilities to their advantage. They adjusted to this new life and saw it as a new family, new home they could come to, and rebuilding trust with the mortal world that they weren't able to obtain at a young age. However, growing into a teenager was not a pleasant experience for Eve. In fact, it was a very horrid one. They knew something was wrong, and was scared to talk about it to the new family. They wanted to wear makeup and dresses while still maintaining that masculine appearance. They wanted to wear nail polish, lipstick, foundation, all while still dressing up as a male. They even noticed changes in who they had interest in, finding people of all genders and sexualities as something they were attracted to. One day, they opened up about this, expecting to be kicked out or be the one who was considered the bad one. Instead, it only made things stronger between Eve and the group. They accepted them, not wanting them to feel like they were trapped and betrayed again. They were able to express themselves under the protection of the group, where they made sure Eve was safe. All this time, Eve didn't think about where they were or paid any attention to detail. It was all about what the group and building a family. They asked one day, being told that they were in Atlanta, Georgia. Eve was okay with this, especially since they have now lived here for so long. God watched it all unfold, and knew that Eve would never return back to the Heavens. Though this was something Eve never knew about, God basically wanted to test them and see if the plan worked. Instead, God was left with his questions answered. As Eve got older, they were introduced into the drug scene. They looked at it as a sense of protecting others, giving them at least a little income, and having a job of sorts. Eve is a person of color, which many people in Georgia are also. They understood the low income to their families, the struggle to get jobs, to keep jobs, and to stay off the streets. So selling drugs was the one way they saw as helping those people earn a little more money and keep people "working." In Eve's mind, killing off true bad people and selling drugs was a way of protecting others; something he was born to do. It's a little backwards in their mind, even if in some ways it does serve as a good thing. Eventually, Eve started working in safe injection sites as a further reason to protect the community. They were trained by many medical professionals, and due to their religious upbringing and great sense of care for people, they were made a nurse practitioner after many years of working under their supervision. Still to this day, that has been their job and they have no plans on leaving anytime soon. Also to this day, Eve is still very close to the group and has even convinced them to work alongside them. At this point, Eve no longer lives with them, but is only a few houses down incase of emergencies. However, Eve does still resent God and what he did, and they carry that pain with them on a day to day basis

Abilities: 

Healer

Great strength

Speed

Durability

Stamina

Invisibility

Energy manipulation

Telekinesis

Telepathy

Teleportation

Lie detection

Conversion

Shape shifting

Resurrection

Protective charm (protecting another person from harm)

Smiting(kill someone by touch)

Biokinesis(change someones biological makeup)

Holy white light (blasts of energy from their palms)

Memory manipulation

Pyrokinesis (manipulate/create fire)

Electrokinesis(create electricity)

Reality warping

Sedation

Hypnotism

Vessel locking(trapping someone through smoke/light)

Conjuration(make things or remove them from nothing)

Personality traits: 

They're very loving and sweet, though it takes them a while to get there

They're very protective and care easily

Very sarcastic and playful, even too much so

Sometimes doesn't know boundaries, but that's only if they like someone

They're quite witty and hard headed

They can be very stubborn

They have a tendency to close off and distance themselves

They have a short temper from time to time

They can get quite sensitive

They don't like going into their past or talking about what they've done, though they can get carried away and end up talking about it anyway

They get defensive rather quickly

They're very blunt and have no problem telling people how it is

They come off as intimidating at times, though they're actually quite sweet

They're actually very smart and intelligent

They're respecting of other peoples viewpoints, so long as the other person isn't an asshole about it

They don't like being touched often unless it's by someone they like/have interests in

They're quite confident and a little cocky at times

They like attention from small crowds, not big ones

They can be a little selfish from time to time

They can be quite the flirt

They can be insecure at times, mostly when they really think about the choices they've made

Additional information/miscellaneous facts: 

Even though they sell drugs, they actually don't do them often. In the very beginning yes, but as years went by it's more about protecting people than the high

They haven't been with many people, mostly because they were focused on other things

They've gotten into a couple fights over drug deals before

They don't like the idea of the path they've taken, but isn't sure how to change it

They're not proud of selling drugs either

They have quite a few scars over their body

They don't wear makeup and such as much anymore, at least not publicly-in private, yes. But going back to being a little restricted, they'd rather keep it more secret again

As a teen, they resented most forms of authority-kind of an anarchist but not fully

As an adult, they respect authority more. However, they do see the misunderstanding of some cases and the advantages some authorities have on others

They've broken their knuckles many...many times

Their wings make them feel a little more feminine in a way, so they're always glad to show them off when given the chance

Their wings don't hurt all that much anymore, but if they stay out for long periods of time it does become uncomfortable

Being an angel isn't a secret for them, they've actually embraced it through the years

Though they don't like the whole idea of being a Christian most of the time, they still wear a cross or have a rosary as a symbol of taking back their past

General tags: 

🕯our waking life's just a living dream | aesthetic

🕯look into the spanish moss let your mind conjure up old ghosts | home

🕯the life you've always wanted could be yours | desires

🕯even if your love was unconditional it still wouldn't be enough to save me | nurse practitioner

🕯what god doesn't give to you you've got to go and get for yourself | musings

🕯i've got no judgement for you come on and ache with me | roleplay

🕯you want me to surrender my identity | self

Ship tag: 

🕯i see your face when i close my eyes | lovers

(New)Other (side)blogs:

Zeus: @xking-of-the-godsx

Hera: @xqueen-of-the-godsx

Alessandra Galanis: @xi-dont-know-what-i-amx

Jaysen Gerasimos: @xking-of-the-overcloudsx

Griffin Saffi: @xthe-fortune-tellerx

**Rules/notes from the mun apply just as they do on @xking-of-the-cloudsx

**NOTE: This OC is not meant to bash religion, POC, and to glorify the drug scene. It's meant to explain the story of a Christan raised child gone a bit off, and understanding the harsh reality POC go through at times(Mun of @xking-of-the-cloudsx is a POC, has experienced religious differences, and grew up with cousins who were also forced into the drug/crime scene. It's not my intention to offend people with Eve's story, but rather explain the not so wonderful side of a child growing up in a world with somewhat switched morals and unacceptance through opposing beliefs)

[absolutcoca]

I didn't like the first episode of the second season of ODAAT and that’s why

I'm engaging through a very tricky battle right now and ready to get all the hate you guys have to give me but first let me explain.

“The turn”

That's its name. I suppose it was meant to strike us, to makes us want to watch the next episode and as always, feel appalled but also relieved that what was weighing upon us had finally words put on it.

This episode is principally talking about racism and the way we react to it, which, in this regard, makes a very accurate analysis. Indeed, I am very thankful for it to exist, because it does depict our society and the different characters that live in it, in a quite faithful way. 

 Though, ODAAT is not only a slice-of-life show, it is also a “teaching” show, that makes us realise the way we could or should live in a healthy family, in this society. It is not only a show to laugh at, this is a true “bildungsroman”, but in the Friends format. 

So, what is bothering me?

you don’t care? too bad for you my opinion is very important

I was surprised, in this episode, being annoyed by the way Schneider was considered and also by the moral of this story overall.

What a cool reaction, Elena. Showing your support and amazement about him taking interest in your culture. (yeah she gets a bit on my nerves) [...]

(bilingual. he’s dumb and knows it)

(and she can’t take a joke)

[...]

same, buddy.

Schneider, that weirdo with the sad rich syndrome, who somehow is welcomed in this Cuban-American family, happens to know spanish better than Elena, the daughter. He’s proud of himself (and so I am) and the waiter is happy to speak Spanish with a fellow bilingual. He says he’s bi, and she gets offended. Nothing was dangerous or insulting out there, chill girl. Anyway, regular Elena stuff.

it IS. IT FUCKING IS

Schneider tries so fucking hard. Like, he didn’t have any sense of what a family is for real other than the fact he was covered in gold. Being poor is an ocean of pain, but you know how the saying goes, money and situation can’t fulfill you as a person, and thus, he found fulfillment in this family.

So, he’s learning everything. He wish he hadn’t naively said that racism couldn’t exist in LA, because as a white person that has no problem with difference, who would even fight for it, he tends to forget racism exists.

Okay so now the whole “white” thing. 

Stereotypes are for everyone, some suffer truly from it, some not, and this is determined by the fact you were born looking like settlers (or being their descendants) or looking like who was persecuted by settlers (or, being their descendants). Now we all agree, violences are, in this western world, perpetrated by those who look like settlers, against those who look like those who were persecuted by settlers. Long story short, you get me, white people against whoever is not a white, christian, cis, straight, blabla, you know the drill.

This was taken as a joke, because come on Schneider, are you really living hell corresponding to all of the societal criterias? Of course not. But what I don’t understand is that tendency to reverse, just as grudge would, the effects of racism against POC. This “them and us” tendency, when Schneider here only tries to show empathy, to be part of the fight. He’s kind of not considered as an “ally” as you say out there, and that’s a problem.

I mean, Penelope is just being salty like. “I don’t know where these stereotypes come from”, when the episode begins with a proud:

which is so fucking cliché! and so fucking fine!!! because they KNOW they’re being stereotypical, and it hurts no one, they are being happy and proud about it. But get me: all stereotypes have some kind of basis. The real problem comes when those sterotypes are changed into weapons. Very easy to hurt when it touches the heart, very easy to make you feel not at home. 

It’s kind of reccurrent in the show that Schneider, trying to show his support, is being silently shut down, because of his priviledged situation. Yeah no, he can’t relate, but he tries, at his level, and maybe what he feels is not the same kind of pain, but you have no right to invalidate it.

Generally speaking, the dirty looks/talk to the most privileged ones arise, meaning: “you don’t welcome us, we’re not acknowledging you either”. Basically, doing the exact same shit the persecutors did/do, assuming that if they look like persecutors, they probably are, when people could actually want to USE their privilege to help fighting for equality rights.

Any ways, it’s kind of not okay reducing someone to their skin colour, building a whole mockery list out of it and invalidating them showing support. Reducing someone to some of their aspects is literal discrimination (not discrimination as in the big word including persecutions, okay? the literal definition.). Even if it’s white.

out of context but well fucking said.

But actually all of this is me just being petty. The true problem comes with the end of the episode.

Some random guy asking them to keep quiet inside an icecream shop, really unpredictable when they are basically screaming.

Then Penelope decides that she’s not happy someone said fiesta/asked them to shut it down a bit.

...aaaand that’s beside the point.

He never said they didn’t have the right to be here, and being the owner or not doesn’t change the fact they aren’t allowed to have whatever attitude they want to have in a public space. That could have come from a latinx/poc! So he just reiterates:

[...]

He admitted it wasn’t a smart move. But then she’s insisting on the bad clichés when he said nothing but fiesta. I’m sorry but this “Arriba!” thing makes her pass off as a crazy latina lady. It was particularly unnecessary. 

And, they were actually throwing kind of a party so what. He’s not telling them to get out of here and he didn’t attacked them “other than” using a spanish word when they were clearly screaming spanish words in an opened-to-public ice cream shop. I would have done the same. Anyone would have.

and thats when I made the same fucking face. He didn’t stereotype anyone for God’s sake.

Still making the same face like lmao. You get the right to be a “little racist” but when they come saying something NOT racist, like, “fiesta” to a bunch of spanish screaming people, you lose your shit? Not only it’s not credible at all, she’s also making a fool of herself by throwing a fit to someone asking them to tone down in a public space. One person's freedom ends where another's begins. This attitude was welcomed in a sports event, just as in the beginning, but not in a café which is natural.

And so, no, it was NOT awesome. That was disappointing and did not give much credit to their fight. Penelope is not aiming her anger to the right people here.

Other than that, the moments talking about how words hurt, and the talk Alex and Penelope had made me cry. Still really love this show.

~*end of my very important opinion on this episode, love*~

[kvlt-ov-romance-blog]

Devilman Crybaby and the Occult: A Brief Examination

Akira as Lucifer

Akira in Japanese typically means “bright” or “clear,” primarily in the context of intellect. But if these concepts are applied to the matter of literal brightness, as in lightness, then Akira can be thought of as a representation of Lucifer. Specifically, in the sense that he is the “light bringer.” Lucifer typically is thought of as meaning “devil” but in actuality, the word translates in Latin Vulgate as “morning star,” or “the planet Venus” (the brightest planet) or of course, “light bringing.”

In many Gnostic, Luciferian and other esoteric schools of thought and occult ideology, Lucifer is not a figure of evil but instead he represents the principle of inner enlightenment, a guiding cosmic force of lightness. Another interesting fact is that phosphorus happens to mean “light bringer” in Greek,” and is a substance naturally occurring within all of our DNA – Luciferians argue that the power for spiritual growth and enlightenment comes not so much from external sources such as "God" in the orthodox way, but primarily from within us, recognizing our own abilities and powers.

This information does not come close to the rich history of Lucifer’s true identity but it offers us some fascinating insight into the realm of Devilman Crybaby. As mentioned, Akira can be thought of as “bright” (the connotation with the planet Venus implies he is found of things of beauty, peace, love) and as a light bringer in the sense that he is trying to bring forth change and illumination for a world in desperate need of a savior figure. Luciferianism emphasizes rebellion at cruelty and the intolerance of injustice as well, something which Akira understands and embodies perfectly.

His constant crying, his empathy, his emotionalism, this all grants him a sense of connectivity to humanity, even though once the truth of his identity is revealed the majority of the world still despises him. This is similar to the literal story of Lucifer, in that his identity has been proven to be based largely on fallacies and misconceptions, mistranslated scripture, and superstition, and yet nevertheless Lucifer seems doomed to forever bear humankind’s fear and loathing, much like Akira. There are a number of ways that Lucifer and Christ can be compared in these regards as well and by the time the series ends, Akira himself is forced into a state of what could be qualified as martyrdom.

Additionally, one of the most perplexing things to think about is that Ryo – who is truly Satan – finds Akira to be such a powerful and important figure in his life. In a sense, Akira is the light and brightness of his life: His role in Ryo’s life grants him purpose, it enlightens him into his true form, and so forth. Akira is Ryo’s Lucifer, essentially. This may sound confusing at first but bear in mind these points: 1). Lucifer and Satan are not necessarily the same person, 2). Much like many are familiar with the concepts of beings having the capacity for both good and evil or “God and Satan,” beings have the potential for Lucifer to enter their essence as well. And furthermore, another matter of interest is that some sources have speculated Lucifer and Satan to actually be two sides of the same being: Lucifer represents the spiritual, and Satan represents the earthly – this is similar to say, the holy trinity wherein multiple beings are actually one in the same. This would mean that Akira and Ryo are essentially the same entity.

To really make sense of these theories, one must dive deep into biblical lore, etymology, anthropological history,  and occultism, and must be willing to keep an open mind. In actuality, the story of Lucifer is fundamentally simple but has been made incredibly convoluted over the years thanks to fear mongering, religious bigotry, and a myriad of other errors in human judgment. If you would like to know more on the nature of Lucifer, or further elaboration on the connection I perceive between Akira and Ryo, feel free to comment! In the meantime, I suggest “Lucifer: Princeps” by Peter Grey.

The Demons

The demons throughout the entire series are primarily based off of real spirits associated with demonology. Some date back all the way to the early ages of the clash between Abrahamic religions and ancient Paganism, some pertain to middle ages, etc. In particular, we have The Keys of Solomon to examine. The Key of Solomon itself is known as Clavicula Salomonis in Hebrew, and it is one of the most important examples of Renaissance era magick – from here, the more infamous Lesser Key of Solomon, or the Clavicula Salomonis Regis, was believed to have been written in the 17th century.

Both books deal with magical operations influenced from Jewish Kabbalah, pertaining to workings with various different spirits, but The Lesser Key in particular is known for one of its five different segments: The Ars Goetia. The Goetia bases itself on pre-existing sources of information on demons such as the PseudodomonarchaDaemonum (1577) and it offers rankings, information, and general descriptions of the 72 major demons. Each demon has their own ability, and they are divided into categories such as King, Duke, Prince, Marquis, President, Count, etc.

Demons are not limited to these sources, and many demons or demon-like spirits exist separate from the Goetia (e.g. the Djinns of Arabic spirituality). Further, the issue of whether or not demons are inherently evil is widely debated and much of it goes back to the matter of linguistics. In another article I wrote about demonology (linked below) you’ll see what I mean more clearly, but the key thing to remember is that a “daemon” simply means a wise, intelligent spirit. The evil spirits we are familiar with as demons were either developed as early Christianity’s opposition to “Pagan” idols (e.g. Baal became an honorific title of Lord into one of the most well known demons, Beelzebub became “lord of all that flies” into “lord of the flies”).

In Devilman Crybaby, there are a whole lot of demons. I will not be addressing all of them, but chief among them is Amon, the demon which merges with Akira. Amon is considered in magical lore to be a Marquis of Hell, governing 40 legions of spirits and as described in the Pseudomonarchia Daemonum:" [He] is a great and mighty marques, and commeth abroad in the likeness of a Wolf, having a serpents tail, [vomiting] flames of fire; when he putteth on the shape of a man, he sheweth out dogs teeth, and a great head like to a mighty [nighthawk]; he is the strongest prince of all other, and understandeth of all things past and to come, he procureth favor, and reconcileth both friends and foes, and ruleth forthy legions of devil.”

And by S.L. MacGregor Mathers in the his translation of the Goetia: "The Seventh Spirit is Amon He is a Marquis great in power, and most stern. He appeareth like a Wolf with a Serpent's tail, vomiting out of his mouth flames of fire; but at the command of the Magician he putteth on the shape of a Man with Dog's teeth beset in a head like a Raven; or else like a Man with a Raven's head (simply). He telleth all things Past and to Come. He procureth feuds and reconcileth controversies between friends. He governeth 40 Legions of Spirits.” Amon also shares a connection with the Egyptian god, Amun.

Less obvious references are made, sometimes in the form changed spellings. For instance, Kaim instantly reminded me of the demon Caim, a blackbird said to have knowledge of rhetoric, wisdom, and the ability to understand certain animals. Some other demonic figures that appear throughout the series – not so much the new adaptation – include Pazuzu, Lilith and Beelzebub, which shows that the series is not limiting its demonic lore to merely one source (i.e. Pazuzu pertains to Mesopotamian religion whereas Lilith for instance pertains to Hebrew sources of wisdom).

Where is God? And What About the Cycle of Life/Samsara?

This is a tricky one to pinpoint, because the more you attempt to wrap your head around all the different theories, the more you will be left wondering how certain things could have happened, what the nature of God truly is, and so forth. There is a lot of biblical inaccuracy to the show, but in comparison to Gnosticism and other ancient ideologies, God’s role actually makes more sense from these perspectives. For example, some Gnostic sects believe it was the Demiurge who created this world as a sort of “prison,” rather than God representing an all loving and benevolent force. But in the context of Devilman Crybaby, I would say the best explanation we have regarding his absence is the concept of Deus Absconditus which means “[A] god who in his remoteness seems to ignore human suffering,” or similarly, Deus Otiosus which means that God is idle and no longer involved in humanity’s concerns. Theories like these have broad implications with esoteric Christianity and other religions, and so it is hard to gauge how true they may be for Devilman Crybaby. One thing is for sure, the classical concept of Deus Ex Machina never occurs in the show, which does give more credibility to the idea that God may simply not care, be idle, or at the least, His plan is one that we the audience are not made aware of.

Another possible theory is that Satan himself is God. Utilizing a solipsistic framework, similar to what we see Shinji Ikari go through at the End of Evangelion, we see Satan completely and utterly alone in the world. He seems to have complete control over just about everything except for Akira’s death and his feelings. But if he himself were in fact God, could he not choose to end things right then and there. Evidence for this comes in the fact that, ironically, the creators held very true to biblical descriptions of Satan as being the most beautiful, initial, favorite, and most beloved being of God. The fact that he was so much immense power. And the fact that Ryo essentially must awaken to his higher self as Satan is symbolic of the one becoming a God and/or one realizing they are living in a solipsistic world. Solipsism is essentially the idea that you cannot prove anything or anyone outside of you truly exists, that you yourself may be represent the universe and all else is merely an illusion, speculation, or incapable of ever being seen as absolutely certain. If Satan were to have all of these traits, in some aspect, could this not make him a God of sorts? Upon realizing it, he chooses to kill himself and the world and begin the cycle all over again – notice the wheels within wheels that constantly appear during the explosions, these are in my opinion, references to the angelic visions of God’s chariot that the prophet Ezekiel saw.

So basically, Satan is willing himself into another incarnation (I believe that reincarnation applies more to this show due to the fact that Ryo awoke to a past life, as opposed to the idea that by destroying the cycle of life, death, rebirth – samsara – then everything would simply end for all eternity). It seems as though Ryo/Satan enjoys mind games, puzzles, challenges, etc. and so what better challenge than to repeat the process of rediscovering one’s true existence? Or, perhaps Akira represents God and in his final moments on screen, we are witnessing Satan’s ultimate punishment. The idea of Hell is an incredibly complex one, but the main point in Christian scripture is that it is a place in which there is only the absence of God – if Akira represented God and now is lost forever, this serves as Satan’s eternal suffering; God has abandoned him.

Miki the Witch/Color Theory

Miki is frequently referred to as a witch on numerous occasions, and at first we take it primarily as a bad joke based out of ignorance and fear. She certainly possesses some interesting traits such as her speed and agility, but is she really a witch? The answer to that, in my opinion, depends on how you look at things. During the witch trials that took place throughout Europe and of course Salem, women were accused of witchcraft for the slightest of “misbehavior.” Women who were particularly good at something on their own were very much victims of this curse; it was believed often times, a woman simply could not perform abilities of any kind to such excellence without the aid of magic, devils and demons, and so forth.

But in Miki’s case, I think one of the more subtle elements of this matter has to do with her clothing choices. In many scenes, she is wearing green. Green is actually quite an important color in witchcraft, Paganism, alchemy, you name it. It is the color of the heart chakra – Miki representing much of Akira’s love and devotion, his heart. It is associated with the zodiac sign of The Mother Goddess, a figure of Wicca and other Neo-Pagan beliefs who brings forth peace, fertility, prosperity, abundance, luck and deals with matters pertaining to envy, changing attitudes, the environment, and so forth. More “ominously” if such is to be believed, green does carry a more “Satanic” principle of to itself – as explained even in classic anime such as Belladonna of Sadness, it is a symbol for power (green = the color of nature, nature being Satan’s forest in some mythological/religious lore). Other theories – whether as overt as Satanism and witchcraft or more benign such as Hindu, Buddhist, and Taoist conceptions of colors can be applied to Miki

Color theory is important to bear in mind when examining all of the characters and scenes as well. For instance, the variety of colors that appears during the Sabbath could perhaps be reflective of a third eye awakening/demonic transformation/etc. As each color represents the seven chakras. The white and black dichotomy between Akira and Ryo is also one that clearly conjures forth images of duality such as the famous yin and yang symbol.

Conclusion

This is merely a short list meant to open the discussion on the new adaptations of Devilman Crybaby and how different realms of spirituality, the occult, the supernatural, religion, faith, and so much more play a larger role in shaping the development of things than you may realize. There are other examples to work with: Akira attempting to pass Ryo the torch and him neglecting it could be a sign of rejecting Lucifer/Christ/some sort of savior figure, it could even be thought of as something more symbolic of phallic imagery with regards to a sort of “creation” origin or the relationship between Ryo and Akira themselves. Everyone seems to be running, runners usually go at the start of gun’s loud bang; the big bang perhaps? Some things may seem like reaching, but just keep calm and think, do research, and come up with your own conclusions, there is more than meets the eye to Devilman Crybaby. Occultism pertains to that which is hidden, so it is up to the viewer to figure these sorts of things out. Also worth mentioning, the subject of will Aleister Crowley is known for the development of Thelema, which states that the purpose of life essentially to discover and fulfill one’s true will. How might this relate to the characters for instance? Again, there are a lot of starting points to go off of here, these are just springboards and suggestions.

Post this however you would like, if you’d like to make any YouTube videos inspired by these subjects just please credit me, Kvlt ov Romance in the description.

My post on demonology.

[nopingitoutme]

I would like to preface this by saying that I love my brother. 

He is not a good person. Not in the evil way, not in the I hurt people, or I bully people kind of way, but in the - I have never critically thought about my privilege and general existence kind of way. I’ll slow down and start from the beginning.

I am Canadian but my parents are Asian, South Asian to be precise. My dad was born and raised in India while my mother is Pakistani. From there my parents made their way to the US where they met and got married. My dad studied mechanical engineering at University of Oklahoma. He was accepted into Princeton but the tuition was too high, University of Oklahoma was the only university that afforded him with a full ride scholarship. So he made do and studied. What you have to understand here is that my dad was poor like extremely poor. He used to tell us how he would steal packets of ketchup to eat because they had a high sugar content and he couldn’t afford actual food. He didn’t have a choice when it came to studying, he had to get his degree so he could find a job. If he didn’t he was a short, Indian, Muslim brown man with no family, no support system and no credentials.

My mom actually got her degree in nursing in Pakistan but because the credits did not transfer she was not a nurse in Virginia, she worked as a lab tech. Eventually my parents met and got married then had my oldest brother.

Here’s the thing, my mom’s immigration story is murky. While her “nanny visa” isn’t exactly illegal, the fact that the only “children” she was taking care of were her cousins. The rest of her family trickled in using farming visas. I’ll be frank it was definitely fraud in some way but done just carefully enough that the government was willing to overlook it. My mom’s a Canadian citizen now so I don’t have to be worried that she could be deported. 

But anyway my parents met, got married and procreated twice. I have two older brothers who were born in New Jersey and have American citizenships. At this point we were poor. My dad was barely making anything with his engineering degree and my mom had two kids under the age of five, she was basically supporting the family with her job as a lab tech. Then my mom found out she was pregnant with me. My dad being a financially responsible man asked my mom to terminate the pregnancy (she was on birth control, I was very much a whoops baby) but she declined. I am not going to turn this into an anti-abortian argument, I am very much pro-choice, I was just giving context to the situation my parents were in. A few days after I was detected(?) my dad got a job offer in Alberta and accepted it. It turned out to change our lives entirely. My dad started making more and more until he was making six figures a year. This is the type of life I grew up living, moreover this is the life my brother grew up living.

Since I have two brothers, I’ll name them, the ok one will be O and the not-okay one will be U.

U has never known, or remembered financial stress. He is two years older then me so can’t remember his life in New Jersey but he can remember his life in Canada. I won’t insult him by saying his life in Canada is easy, he is lives in an Asian household and my parents are typical Asian parents. They are strict and overbearing, they meddle too much in our lives and they do not get along with each other. Growing up was stressful, my dad definitely has an untreated mental disorder that results in a violent temper and tension in the house for days on end. None of us have healthy coping mechanisms. O is going to get married in the next year, he is terrified that his wife will rely on him to be the sole breadwinner and through that he will become abusive towards her. U, well I’ll get to that. I ignore everything and avoid conflict like a sport. My eventual plan is to get my degree and fuck off and never come back. So, not the healthiest environment to say the least. But I do have to say that it affected U the most. 

He became fanatical. He became obsessed with judging people. He would continuously ask me why I was, “everyone’s lawyer” for having the audacity for saying that unless we understand someone’s circumstances we cannot judge them for it. The best example of his confusingly conservative personality is the fact that he agrees with the Vietnam War.

Today we decided to watch the Chicago 7. He didn’t want to. His first complaint was that it got bad reviews, we showed him the reviews which were overwhelmingly positive (he considers himself a film expert, you can tell by the way that he uses the words “film” instead of movie and “cinematography” and “we shouldn’t focus on diversity in Hollywood, we should just pick the best actor for the job”) the truth came out he did not like the fact that it was about people fighting against the government. He agreed with the conscription and said that he would gladly give his portion of the inheritance to the Canadian military since it was his civic duty to support them, never mind that we pay taxes to support them so they really don’t need more. More and more pieces fit together. His easy spending of money, his virulent defence of conservative policies, his anti-immigration stance. He’s a piece of shit and it took me nineteen years to figure that out. He’s just genuinely a piece of shit.

And  I don’t know where it came from. No one in my family has such extreme views, we are a family of immigrants. I mean the only vaguely conservative thing we do is be rich. And before anyone comes for me I am aware of my incredible privilege. I am also aware that we embody the American Dream to the T and I am aware that the American Dream is a lie fed to us by the rich and no one becomes rich because you worked hard. You become rich because you had connections or in our case we were extremely lucky.  But U is not aware of his privilege as a wealthy person. He doesn’t seem to grasp that he didn’t make good choices, he had good choices (peep the reference), choices that allowed him to get a tutor so he could write the MCAT, choices that allowed to spend months studying and not be worried about money, choices that give him connections to med students and doctors, choices that he only got because he was rich. In fact he is so unaware of it, that it’s like he believes he deserves it. It’s like he believes that it is his God-given right to not have to pay his own tuition, his cell phone plan, his fucking life is paid for and this bitch thinks he deserves it. He spends money like it’s water, he believes transgender people are just mentally ill, he’s anti-immigration (which is hypocrisy of the highest degree, where do he think he came from? He’s darker then I am!), he’s a white posh British man in a twenty-two year old brown body. 

And then I realized, he wants to be that British man, he craves it. It’s why he wants to send his future child to an English boarding school so he (the child will be a boy and named Alistair, apparently. I can’t make this shit up. I wish I was making this shit up) can become a cricket star. He is creating a fantasy, one where he isn’t in this stressful tension-filled house, one where he is the hero, the saviour, the one who is right and rational. He can’t stand the fact that he was born in the family, a family where my mother still speaks with an accent and wears traditional clothing. A family that eschews normal society conventions of being white and Christian and conservative. He hates that he can’t be one of them. And because of that he ignores the immense amount of privilege he has been given. He doesn’t believe in white privilege, believes that affirmative action is reverse racism, believes that immigrants are obligated to give up their heritage to become functioning members of society. What’s that Futurama quote, “don’t insult billionaires, you’re insulting my feelings towards being able to be a billionaire someday” (I don’t know I’ve never watched Futurama, I’ve only seen that quote in a gif). My point is, is that my brother is ashamed. He is so deeply ashamed that he repressed all of his empathy and humanity to beg at the alter of capitalism and classism. He cannot reach the inherent privilege that being white affords you so he makes up for it by being the poster child of white supremacy in other ways. And all of that makes me sad.

Because after all, I love my brother.   

[breakingarrows]

January - June 2019 in Film

The Favourite

Really enjoyable dark comedy about a trio of lesbian aristocrats, one of which happens to be the queen of England, struggling for political power and control.

Velvet Buzzsaw

Doesn’t do enough to be a fun horror movie but at least Jake Gyllenhaal is fun as a pretentious art critic.

Dragon Ball Super: Broly

Watched this on my phone late one sleepless night. The action in the backhalf is what people came for, but it was the stuff surrounding Broly that I cared more about. When he gets confronted in a lunch room I was actually somewhat affected, thinking, “Leave him alone!”

Psycho

Excellent thriller

Police Story

God I love everything about this film. The comedy is superb and the action is the best of Jackie’s films. Poor, poor May.

Twin Peaks Fire Walk with Me

The soundtrack is the best thing I’ve heard in a long while. The film is what some may expect of Lynch, ethereal and sometimes meandering. Laura Palmer’s death is certain, but the film overcomes her predestined fate and makes you empathize with her.

First Man

Decent bio-pic lite, mostly watched for Ryan Gosling. Surprised at the time dedicated to dealing with grief of both his daughter and the others who died while testing things. Audio during flights make them actually thrilling even though you know he’s not going to die.

Hal

Reminds me I need to watch his actual films. His hatred of the studios is very endearing.

L.A. Confidential

Films like this I could watch forever.

They Shall Not Grow Old

I watched this after a long day so fell asleep midway through in the theater. Hopefully I didn’t snore as it was packed.

Sunset Boulevard

Strange film about relationship between writer and former star. Others liked it more, and have dug into it more, but it didn’t hook me that much.

The Return of the Living Dead

Pretty fun comedy but kinda expected more gags.

Incredibles 2

Disappointing.

Under the Skin

The kind of film that grows on you the more you think about it. Need to rewatch at some point. Love how there is barely any dialogue.

Evolution

Worse than I remember.

Mr. Nice Guy

Awful, didn’t even bother to finish after stream glitched out.

Suburban Commando

Standard action/comedy with wasted potential.

Dune

Perfect source material for Lynch. So ethereal and evocative.

Ghost in the Shell 2.0

Why ruin a perfectly good film with dated CGI?

Miami Connection

Better as a Best of the Worst viewing.

Police Story 2

Not quite as good as the first but still beyond most action movies nowadays.

Us

Prime reddit text post material whose explanation works against it.

The Fabulous Baron Munchausen

Lovely kids fantasy storybook material put to film. The color, the music, the adventure, I love this film.

Chinatown

God I could watch Noirs like this everyday for the rest of my life. What an ending too.

The Seventh Seal

Made me think about my relationship with Christianity that I abandoned years ago.

2001: A Space Odyssey

Still impressed by the way they handled the visual effects of space travel. Also impressed by how well it holds up as a idealistic projection of mankind we still haven’t, and probably will never, reach.

Ed Wood

Johnny Depp is an awful person but man is Ed endearing in this film.

My Name is Julia Ross

Very good thriller. Classic gaslighting.

So Dark the Night

Thriller with a twist that is “meh.”

Won’t You Be My Neighbor

That damn commencement speech fucking gets me.

Guava Island

Enjoyable little short.

F for Fake

I hate masterpiece as a descriptor because its so overused and thrown around by pretty much all forms of critical media in the mainstream/amatuer space but fuck me if this isn’t the closest thing I can think of. Masterful editing, unbelievable that this came out in the midst of the entire subject its covering.

The ‘Burbs

Not Dante’s best, the ending really ruins it. Why have a treatsie about the culture of a neighborhood only to go on and fulfill it?

Fauve

Haunting film that would make me keep the children indoors for a week if I had them.

The Wages of Fear

Excellent thriller about trying to escape from dead ends. There was no need to treat the woman lover so badly though.

The Big Heat

Don’t even remember this one lol.

The Virgin Suicides

Really captures that sort of constant flux of extreme emotions of my middle school years. Fuck that mom also.

Lick the Star

Nice little short.

Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces

Decent addition, though the only one of these that would have improved the film would be the transition from David Bowie to the meeting of the man from another place above the convenience store.

The Hidden Fortress

Hard to watch this without thinking about the things Lucas took for Star Wars, but separate from that an excellent adventure film that I’m glad had a happy ending.

Avengers: Endgame

Total shit the more I think about it. Officially done with the MCU and Disney at large in terms of film output now that I paid my dues by watching this out of obligation than actual interest. What a waste of what little potential there was after the similarly disastrous Infinity War. Why bother making a whole first movie about Thanos if you’re just going to dump that in the follow up? Disney’s biggest outputs of the past decade (MCU and Star Wars) have been such shit and I’m glad I no longer feel the need to waste my time and money on them with this setting me free.

Drive a Crooked Road

Decent noir.

Under the Silver Lake

Enjoyable though something that is hard to qualify as good or not. Would have to rewatch with a notepad to determine whether or not the things it kinda motions towards have any real depth or meaning to them beyond the surface level.

Freaked

Fucking fantastic comedy film. The gags are so good and come so often. Wish they made more like this.

Unicorn Store

This will keep you guessing as to whether the Unicorn shows up or not and I’m not going to spoil it. Brie’s boss staring off into space after being asked if this is what he wanted or not was fucking great though.

Matinee

The true love letter to B movies.

Blue Velvet

One of Lynch’s weaker films though Kyle and Laura Dern are fantastic and the roots of Twin Peaks are obvious.

John Wick: Chapter 2

Made me google the plot summary to John Wick 3 instead of going to see it.

The Legend of Drunken Master

Decent Jackie film. The ending setpiece is really what you watch this for.

In a Lonely Place

Very good noir, loved the ease of which the film transitions the viewers empathy from the male lead to the female.

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

I like Zac Efron but the point of the film is kinda muddled and its hard to believe this was supposed to be from his girlfriend’s point of view when she’s barely in it.

The Elephant Man

I cried.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Disappointing to see them repeating the fault of Infinity War by placing the blame of the deterioration of the world in the hands of “overpopulation.” What kinda fucking rich bourgeois propaganda is this shit?

Godzilla

Copy+Paste everything from the commentary track here. Good shit.

Tampopo

What a wonderful film about the love of food and relationships we have with it. Truly a ramen western.

Shazam

You know this wasn’t that bad, but boy was that ending shot of Superman a pathetic representation of how bad the DCEU has been.

Dreams

These vignettes were very evocative of the emotions summoned by my own dreams. Dreams about grief and longing, nightmares you can barely run from, imaginative scenarios with rules that are entirely fictional but so real in the moment. The ending was a nice monologue against effects of the industrial revolution and modernization and a celebration of life.

Paths of Glory

Fuck war, fuck the rich, fuck those that perpetuate violence for their own gain, fuck it all, I hope they burn for eternity.

[loislaneinvestigatesauthors]

Kindness matters! Sheila Kogan’s The Lambs of Fairy Glen, a story inspired by real life

Please describe the story behind writing your book, and its inspiration.

               Lambs of Fairy Glen came about from a convergence of accidents.  (Looking back I wonder how accidental.)  A friend and I were on holiday in the Hebrides.  (Actually even that was curious because we initially started planning the trip because I wanted to visit a monastery on South Uist, but we never got to that island and the monastery is no longer there.)  We stopped on the Isle of Skye, town of Uig, as a transfer point—a nothing-special town for one night.  At the Uig hotel the clerk said that we had a couple of hours before dinner and, if we thought we could make it, we could climb the hill behind the hotel to see a “very pretty spot.”  On the way we met Mr. and Mrs. Potts near their thatched-roof house (names are my own) and Gordy Macleod tending his sheep and new lambs.  A soccer ball rolled down the hill and in returning it we met the delightful twins, Hilda and Heather.  All along the road adorable baby lambs eyed us curiously.

             At the top of the hill we were stunned to find a beyond pretty reflecting pond framed by lovely trees and a huge mountain of rock standing guard.  We could climb up Lookout Rock (again the name is mine) and I wanted to try it but the frequent rains made the path terribly slick.  Fairy Glen, its actual name, could be described as beautiful or awe inspiring but nothing—not even pictures—captures the magnetic beauty and the quiet peace of the place.  It is a sacred spot.

             The twins were waiting for us as we returned down the road.  They shouted, “Byeeeee,” and we laughed and shouted back, “Byeeee.”  And we kept calling back and forth until we could no longer hear each other.

             I have pictures of that short but intense afternoon (they are on my website sheilakogan.com) but even without photos the time on that road—encountering the people and lambs, breathing in the enchantment of Fairy Glen—remains the most vivid recollection I have of that already memorable trip.

               Now another coincidence was that the 2016 elections were gearing up.  All through Scotland, when the lovely, friendly Scottish people found out we were American they would—almost to the one—say, “What’s with the Donald?”  We would protest loudly that we wanted nothing to do with him, that he was actually theirs in heritage, and that he wasn’t going to win the election anyways.

             They often brought up the story that Donald Trump had built an expensive and exclusive golf course in the Hebrides. Then he had caused a huge environmental controversy because he wanted to cut down all the trees on an adjacent property so that his guests could have a “better view.”

             What I kept worrying like a sore tooth was how anyone could win over that money and power.

               So I had the images of Fairy Glen in one hand and the spiritual problem of the “meek inheriting the world” in the other.  Being Catholic I wanted to trust that Beauty and Justice would prevail but I did not see it, either in the world or in my imagination.  What would it look like if Love and Kindness actually won?  And that was when Lambs of Fairy Glen presented itself:  It unfolded like opening a present.  I kept trying to articulate the story to my friend and she finally pointed me toward a children’s book.  I wrote it on the plane ride home.

               Lambs of Fairy Glen is an Almost True Story because every element in it came from a real encounter:  the lambs, the people, the slick path up Lookout Rock, the girls calling “Byeee,” the greedy developer tearing up the land (though on a different island).  It also seems true that if human effort were to stop that kind of evil it would have to unite with Spirit.  And that if Love was going to triumph, individuals would have to unite with others of similar mind to create a force.  (See question two)  That is why in the story the girls call on the Spirit of Beauty, which then sends the “wooly warmth” of all the lambs.  What was not clear is how it should end.  (I can hope it is true)  I wanted to have Mr. Treat chased away but something kept nagging me to have him redeemed. If you notice, Mr. Pharma chooses to go his own way and is not embraced.  I don’t know how much theology anyone might want to go into but these were the ideas going through my head.  It feels presumptuous to mention that I am especially fond of C. S. Lewis and the multilayered richness of his stories.

               When I got home I read the first draft of the story—without any illustrations—to my then four-year-old grandson.  He said, “It’s a good story, Grammy.”  That was all I needed.  I was off and running.

               I worked on the story for two years, with the help of the Berkeley Writer’s Group, professionally editing, and the opinions of family and friends.  At the same time I was searching for an illustrator.  I did not want the traditional “cute” drawings that are so often seen in children’s books.  After many unfruitful leads, an Australian friend who was visiting told me that he had a friend in Berkeley whose husband was an artist.  Although that connection did not work out, that person had a friend in Trieste, Italy, who was an artist…  I fell in love with Stefan Turk’s work and am very grateful that he agreed to illustrate Lambs of Fairy Glen.  His paintings offer a depth and a whimsy that adds true beauty to the book.

 Why did you make your heroes/heroines lambs? What do lambs symbolize to you? 

             The heroines are the girls because they paid attention, kept faith, put in the effort, and overcame their own natures—including fear and sibling rivalry—to connect with the Spirit.  The lambs are the symbol of Loving Sacrifice.  They are a traditional designation:  the Pascal Lamb in Jewish and Christian tenets and the Lamb of God, Who is Jesus, in Christianity.

             There is another sense of the lambs and that is a connection to our own higher natures, like when we counter a bully with kindness. There is a lamb in each of us but if we are going to affect any social change we are going to have to band together.

 What would you say to someone who didn't think Mr. Treat was bad, that he just wanted to build a hotel that would create jobs, bring more people to the place, etc? What makes him a villain rather than just someone with an idea? 

                Three aspects of Mr. Treat move him from entrepreneurial to evil:  

1)     His self-interest does not allow for the needs of others.  He could have built a hotel in another area of Uig but saw that Fairy Glen was special and wanted it all to himself.  It is like Yosemite—there are hotels there but no one has yet to rope off Half Dome and say this is mine.

2)     The way he got Fairy Glen was through lies and manipulation.  He appealed to the baser emotions of fear and competition then offered false promises and “treats.”

3)     He gave up his humanity.  Mr. Pharma asks for Mr. Treat’s laughter and tears, which are the hallmark of human empathy. Mr. Treat says, “I haven’t used them for a long time.”  He had become hardened in his self-centeredness.

  How does kindness still matter in a world with violence, climate change, etc? Do our individual actions still matter in a world where big institutions and rules shape more of our lives? 

                Every act of kindness matters.  If we believe in God (in any religion) then we must see that an impulse toward good is a connection to the divine.  Every act of kindness grows us away from brittle self-centeredness toward an awareness of our connectedness as a whole.  All religions have some version of the injunction “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”  I also see that kindness grows kindness—allowing a car into your lane will often create a domino effect of consideration.  (So will nastiness)  And love and kindness grow both without and within—people with no empathy, no loving kindness for others—tend to be pretty sour, miserable people.

             Recently I visited the 9/11 Memorial in New York. What stood out to me seeing the story recaptured was that threaded throughout that horrific, truly evil, experience, people—many ordinary people as well as first responders—showed their true divine nature.  That to me is a reflection of God.

  What sorts of books engage children? What makes a good children's book?

 I have taught for over fifty years and am a mom and grandmother.  Over the years I have only become more convinced that children are extremely smart—though they lack information—and that they are fascinated with how the world works.  If one truly talks to a child, straight talk about what you believe is true, the child will engage.  Judy Blume, J. K. Rowling, Dr. Seuss (I am thinking particularly of The Places You’ll Go) and C. S. Lewis are masters of telling the truth whether in everyday situations or in fantasy.  Their characters feel real and the conflicts they deal with are the universal myths of Good versus Evil.  That is why their books are timeless and ageless.  

Two other things:  Children hate to be talked down to and are drawn to beautiful art.

Sheila Kogan’s The Lambs of Fairy Glen is available here. 

[elrhiarhodan]

I am astonished these days by the bold-faced ballsiness of the Republican hypocrisy.

My jaw is perpetually on the floor. It’s not even attached anymore. It’s just a jawbone resting at my feet, as my tongue flops and flips around my rent-open face in moist gesticulations that fail to properly explain the sheer what-the-fuckery I’m forever feeling.

It’s probably always been there, this hypocrisy. Maybe it was better hidden, once upon a time. And certainly no political entity is without its duplicities and insincerities — but what we’re seeing now, what is paraded before us daily by both the administration and by Congress, is like satire written by an angry eight-year-old. It’s so clumsy, so on-the-nose, that no one would ever let the story air because it feels like a chimpanzee’s attempt at parody. Irony is dead. It’s six-feet-deep. Political humor is harder now than ever, because how do you make fun of a clown?

Every time I turn on on the news or even glimpse at Twitter, I see more and newer hypocrisies whipping fast past my eyes, scrolling like the list of side effects you’d get on a commercial for dick pills. It’s dizzying: an ever-growing display of towering horseshit so vertiginous that to attempt to climb it would be positively fucking Sisyphean. You’d never make it to the top. You’d forever be sliding back down as another shovel-load whaps you in the face.

They say they care about families, but then they rip them apart and deny them aid. They call women “hosts,” removing their personage, their choice, their access to care. They love unborn kids but somehow hate the women that give birth to them. Eat shit, Moms. They only want what’s in those uteruses, not the uteruses themselves. And once you’re born, ha ha, double fuck you, kid. Fuck your education. Fuck your health. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, they say only after they’ve bought up all the bootstraps for themselves and closed the bootstrap factories and what the fuck is a bootstrap, anyway?

They speak about individual responsibility, but can’t even show up for their own fucking town halls. They won’t be accountable to anything or anyone, but you, you have to be accountable for everything — even for them. When they say individual responsibility, they mean fuck you, do it yourself. Fuck the safety net. Fuck the general health and well-being of the nation. They got theirs, man. They mean that they won’t help you. The government’s very job is one of communal responsibility, but they have absolved themselves of that role and given it only to you. And how far down does that rabbit hole go? Will we be our kids’ only teachers? Are we our own doctors? Is the road outside my house mine and mine alone to build and to fix? They want to hold only their enemies accountable. They’ll investigate Hillary for decades after she’s dead, but they won’t cast one suspiciously-slitted eye toward Trump, toward Russia, toward every pay-for-play drip of corruption that erodes the bedrock of our government’s ability to self-regulate.

They talk about freedom, but the freedom they want isn’t for you. The freedom you want is the freedom to be able to drink clean water, to breathe clean air, to buy products that won’t kill you, to buy insurance that won’t bankrupt you, to invest in a future that helps you instead of hurts you. The freedom they want is for themselves. The freedom they champion isn’t yours, it belongs to big business. They want businesses to have the freedom to poison your air and your water, to lie to you, to tie you up with loopholes like nooses, to savage your investments and your future earnings. They want the freedom to take advantage of you, and they’ll sell that as your freedom, too. Don’t you want the choice to be lied to, to be cheated, to be ruined? What freedom! What choice! Ah, yes, just as our Founding Fathers wanted: the liberty of empowering others to fuck you from every angle. Isn’t that in the Bill of Rights? Can we get it in there somewhere?

They talk about being fiscally conservative, but then they spend money like they can just print more. (And our president thinks we can just print more.) It’ll cost more for our Comrade-in-Chief to go golfing than for the entire National Endowment for the Arts budget. The president has the fiscal discipline of a drunken gambling addict.

They talk about being stewards of the land, then take a flamethrower to the EPA, try to sell off the national parks, refuse to acknowledge climate change, and eradicate environmental protections — including streams. Because fuck streams, right? Streams have had it too good for too long.

They want you to pay your taxes, even though our president is proud of having never paid his.

They bark about voter fraud, then gerrymander the shit out of everything, rigging the game with a hundred thumbs holding down their side of the scale.

They climb to their seat of power on a ladder whose rungs are fashioned from fake news, and then once they’re up there, they look down at you and say, you’re the fake news. Everything you want, fake. Everything you are, fake. You don’t even exist if you disagree. Did you protest? You were paid. Did you show up at a town hall? You’re not a constituent. You’re a unicorn. A snowflake in need of a safe space.

And yet, they call us snowflakes, but melt under the tiniest light of scrutiny, under the smallest agitation. The moment anyone disagrees, they retreat to their own safe spaces, close and lock the doors, turn off all the lights, lower all the blinds so they can peer out until we’re gone.

The evil circus peanut who sits in the highest chair in the land decries liberal Hollywood elites while being himself a liberal Hollywood elite. We must do more with less, the man says as he goes to one of his like, seven fucking White Houses to hold a rally for an election in four years that doesn’t even have an opponent.

They talk about making America great, as if Americans weren’t already great.

They vilify illegal immigrants, as if we weren’t all illegal immigrants — as if this isn’t a country built first on native land that wasn’t ours, then second on the backs of black slaves who we stole and enslaved and tried to treat more like livestock than as human beings. They try to demonstrate how great this America is, but then those who come here to share in its greatness are cast aside, are sent away, are rounded up and torn from their families and told they don’t belong here. They claim to serve an America for all Americans, but it’s not — it’s for a very narrow slice, for the richest and whitest and straightest, for the healthiest, for the abled, for the men, for the companies, for themselves. Even the white working class gets fucked even as they’re told they’re not, because they still have to drink the water and breathe the air. They vote for the right to poison the water, you drink the water, you get cancer, but fuck your health, and fuck your kids if they’re born with a defect, that’s America, now, buddy. The freedom they want is to get what’s theirs from your pocket and pay no price for it even as you wither and weep at their feet. The freedom they want is to rob you blind then point to The Other and say, they did it, over there, it wasn’t us. We look just like you. You could be rich someday. Wouldn’t that be nice? It’s them over there. The welfare queens. The foreigners. The terrorists and the rapists. Not us. Never us.

They make hats and shirts that say AMERICA but whose tags say CHINA.

All the while, that word America in their mouths like a Bible verse on the tongue of the Devil. God Bless America, they say as they pick up their axes and chop at the roots of this tree. We’re good Christians, they say, as they do yet another un-Christian thing, because I’m sure it was Jesus who said fuck you, I got mine. Piss on compassion. To hell with empathy. These hypocrites cut away at the foundation of all the things we need to be a smart, healthy, successful country. They attack science. They hack at education. They want to chop your healthcare to splinters. They destroy debate. They slit the throat of every fact they don’t want you to know. They call the media the opposition, the enemy. They claim that truth is fake. The truth that we are at greater danger from white nationalist terror than from radical Muslim terror? Fake. The truth that we have nothing to fear from refugees, and that they are already extremely vetted? Fake. The truth that transgender individuals are not the harassers but in fact, the harassed? Fakeity-fake-fake, they say. The sky is red, ham is a fruit, pray for the family of Shazaam Berenstein, a survivor of the Bowling Green Massacre who then went on to die in the Swedish Event.

Their hypocrisy only grows — swelling like a tumor, diverting blood-flow away from healthy organs and to itself, because that’s how a cancer grows. A cancer is your body in rebellion. A cancer is rogue cells bypassing the checks and balances of your biology. This is that. Their hypocrisy is a symptom, though. And like with all symptoms, we must not ignore it.

We must treat the disease. Inoculate against the bullshit.

They will not hold themselves accountable.

So we must.

We must demand they do better.

We must demand our media be the watchdog.

We must resist their duplicity and their lies.

Courage in this strange time, folks. Stay frosty. Remain vigilant. Hang together.

Comments closed because, really, c’mon.

[cloudrealm]

Karuṇā vs. Caritas

(excerpt from the article “A Depth of Otherness: Buddhism and Benedict’s Theology of Religions” by Robert M. Gimello in Explorations in the Theology of Benedict XVI. Notre Dame, IN: University of Notre Dame Press, 2012.

The conference from which this volume emerged was named after Benedict's encyclical God Is Love. Let us conclude, then, with an application of Benedict's guiding principles for the theology of religion to the theme of love and to the question of whether anything quite like Christian love is to be found in Buddhism, our prime example of "another religion." It is often held that love is in fact one of the more obvious points of convergence between Buddhism and Christianity. Searching for "love" in Buddhism, one usually looks to either karuṇā  (lit.,"compassion'' or "pity"), or maitri (lit.,"benevolence" or "friendliness"), or dana (generosity, altruism; lit., "giving," cognate with Latin donare), or perhaps some amalgam of all three. Karuṇā  in particular is emphasized in Mahayana Buddhism as the principal virtue of the Buddhist human ideal, the "bodhisattva" (O'Leary's "gracious embodiment of ultimacy"), the being who dedicates himself to saving all sentient beings even at the heroic cost of indefinitely postponing his own liberation. And dana (altruism) is the first in serial order of the bodhisattva's six or ten perfections (pāramitā). But what exactly is karuṇā , or compassion? It is commonly defined in Buddhism as empathy with the suffering of others-usually "all others" (sarva sattva) rather than just some particular other or others. One is inevitably reminded of certain modern secular ideologies that espouse "love of all mankind" but disregard the sufferings and needs of particular human beings. (It is not the case, of course, that Buddhists are callous and indifferent in this way-usually quite the contrary-but there is something notably abstract, aloof, or angelic about their ideal of universal compassion.) As a virtue to be cultivated, rather than as only an ideal to be imagined, karuṇā is depicted in the Buddhist canon chiefly as an affective disposition that has a powerful transformative effect on those who arouse it, its arousal being a metanoia-the arousal of the aspiration for the awakening of all suffering sentient beings (bodhicittotpada)-that instigates and sustains the new religious life. Karuṇā can, but need not always, motivate or yield concrete action on behalf of others. But even when it does not generate actual compassionate behavior and is just a spiritual disposition, an intense wish, or a strong sentiment of solidarity, it is believed able mysteriously to effect transformation in others and in the world at large. Thus, it can be profoundly enacted or "projected" even while one is engrossed in quiescent meditation (dhyana or zazen) or absorbed in meditative ecstasy (samadhi). Indeed, it can itself be a meditative exercise insofar as it is one of the "four divine or sublime abodes" (brahmavihara) or "boundless states" (apramana) of the classical Buddhist meditation manuals. It is true that Buddhist literature, canonical and paracanonical, abounds in examples of extravagantly heroic compassionate action, but that action is almost always couched in myth (tales of bodhisattvas serving their own flesh to hungry tigresses, etc.) and is seldom illustrated in events from actual Buddhist history or biography. Also, strangely little attention is paid in expositions of karuṇā to its beneficiaries, who are usually anonymous, generic, and as fictive as the mythical bodhisattvas who care for them. Moreover, it is commonly maintained that the merit accruing to the agent of compassion far exceeds its benefit to the patient or recipient. Most important to the Buddhist understanding of compassion, however, is its entailment of the metaphysical doctrines of no-self (anātman) and emptiness (śūnyatā). Put simply, but not inaccurately I think, Mahayana Buddhists who cultivate compassion also strive to understand that the beings whom they pity and whom they would save do not actually exist as determinate personal entities; that they are literally insubstantial, evanescent, unstable, illusory congeries of fleeting sub-personal events. This is no mere metaphor, no overstatement for rhetorical effect of a figure of speech. It is rather to be taken most seriously. The suffering beings who are the foci of the bodhisattva's compassion (if, indeed, we can even call them beings, and sutras say that really we cannot) have no independent, fixed identities, and, lacking such identities, they have neither intrinsic worth nor claim of their own on the bodhisattva's pity. They are pitied, so to speak, not for their own sakes but as instantiations of the impersonal truth of pervasive suffering. The bodhisattva's compassion is therefore also a kind of dis­ passion, a remarkably abstract sort of pity. This is not to say, of course, that Mahayana Buddhists cannot be kind, generous, amiable people; they often are. I, for one, know this because I have so often been myself the beneficiary of their kindness and friendship. Think also of the Dalai Lama. Anyone who has ever met him or attended one of his teachings or watched one of his interviews knows that he is a very warm, genial, even happy person; he radiates kindness. There can be no doubt that he has true Buddhist compassion for us all, but not be­ cause each of us is such a being as deserves his compassion. Rather it is because his wisdom compels it. His bodhisattva's compassion for us is more serene and impassable than fervid. It is an empathy more philosophical than affective, a pity so modulated or restrained by equanimity as to be compatible even with what seems in his case to be a naturally ebullient personality. Mahayana Buddhists constantly submit their pity to the chastening, the desiccation of prajñā that penetrating and withering deconstructive analysis of experience that discloses the emptiness of all persons and things. This makes of karuṇā, I think, a kind of benevolent sadness tempered by stoicism. One is perhaps reminded of the Japanese appreciation of the lovely evanescence of cherry blossoms, flowers held to be most poignantly beautiful just as they begin to fade. Such is the calm, steady gaze of the compassionate bodhisattva. Of Christ it was said "et lacrimatus est Iesus," but even the famous bodhisattva Sadaprarudita of the Perfection of Wisdom in Eight Thousand Lines (Ar(asiihasrikaprajnapāramitā) and other sutras, whose very name means "the ever wailing one," cries not when con­ fronted by the suffering of sentient beings but only when frustrated in his pursuit of the perfection of wisdom. All this suggests that Buddhist karuṇā is something fundamentally different from Christian caritas, at least if we understand Christian caritas or agape to be love of the other owing to the intrinsic worth of the other, and if we understand that worth to consist precisely in the presence of Christ in the other. Karuṇā differs from caritas also, and even more fundamentally, insofar as God's love is not something he does or feels. Rather, as Benedict has reminded us, it is what he is (Deus Caritas Est). No­ where in Buddhism is it ever said, or could it ever be said, that the Buddha or a bodhisattva "is" karuṇā.

These differences between the Christian "theological virtue" of love and the Buddhist "perfection'' (pāramitā) of compassion are examples, only a few from among many that might be noted, of what may be disclosed in the truly discriminate attention that other religions deserve. But such scrutiny can also reveal, not only true affinities or shared values and insights, but also elements of the other religion that can contribute to the growth of Christianity and help Christianity more deeply to plumb its own depths. As but one Buddhist example of the latter let me cite the remarkable epistemological so­ phistication and acuity of Buddhism. In expounding his first and second "noble truths" the Buddha identified the cause of suffering (duḥkha), the pervasive dissatisfaction and unease of the human con­ dition, as "craving" (tṛṣṇā) rooted in ignorance (avidya). Discernment of the subtle and complex relations between desire and the failure to know is a hallmark of the Buddhist tradition and one of its great strengths. Christian theology might well profit by study of Buddhism's knowledge of the inveteracy of cognitive concupiscence, its insights into the capacity of the mind, since beginningless time (anadikaliko), to fabricate desired falsehood. Error and falsehood are for Buddhism not mere absences of knowledge; rather they are active forces powerful enough to construct whole worlds of suffering. Owing to the fundamental claim that all things are empty and arise or hap­ pen only as undulations in the ocean of interdependence, Buddhists seldom say of anything that it "exists" (asti). They adamantly resist the tendency to ontologize. However,·the Madhyantavibhaga (Discrimination of the Middle from the Extremes), a foundational text of the Yogacara or "Representation-Only" school of Buddhist thought, proclaims, in deliberately provocative terms, that "the imagination of the unreal (abhutaparikalpa) does exist." And it argues further that recognition of the existence of constructive ignorance, as much as the perception of emptiness, is absolutely necessary if one is to know things as they really are. Furthermore, it was awareness-indeed, deep wariness-of the powerful alliance of desire with error, which defines us as sentient beings, that led Buddhism so often to appeal to reason (tarka) as well as to meditation as a prophylactic against error. All this, along with Buddhism's astute, fine-grained analysis of the psychology of error, the intricate ways in which the conscious and unconscious mind constructs falsehood, is available to Christian theology, and to take advantage of such riches would not invite the kind of threat to Christianity's integrity that is presented by superficial identifications of kenosis with śūnyatā or other forced exercises in relativist pluralism.

[milkboydotnet]

Thoughts on the Christian Left

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." –James 1:22

Revolution is not a hobby. The kin-dom of God is not an ideal. This work can kill us.

As leftist Christians, martyrdom is a thread that ties our faith to our politics. The most incarnational act: embracing divinity through facing mortality. Jesus – fully God, fully human – showed us that combating the demonic forces and systems of this world may cost us our lives.

This isn't something we can just daydream about. Or read about, talk about. This demands all that we are, our whole lives.

Christ has called us to die to ourselves. To die to the ways we oppose justice and liberation, and the ways we abuse and exploit. To live in a Light that exposes us, and accompanies us into repentance, a transformation of mind.

But this call is to physically die as well. To follow the demands of love, even if it means being persecuted, physical tortured, or murdered. Executed.

For Christian leftists, revolutionary work cannot be separated from our faithfulness to Christ. Christ demands us to fight for a new world. We stand on his sacrifice, as well as the sacrifices of the saints and revolutionaries who have gone before us, and the millions who believed it was time to build a new world in the ashes of the old. Their imagination and courage has led us here, and they stand with us today, intending on broadening our empathy and imagination, and walking us to the new world they died for. Their blood cries out, and we have to answer. Boldly. Fully. With all our lives.

We will be called fools. We will be ridiculed. The pattern of our lives is meant to be upset the powers that be. We will be sojourners, journeying forward in a world that has little room for us. And we must not water down our faith and politics to make sense to anyone, especially the institutional Church. Though there are a number of valid and holy reasons one may choose to participate in the institutional Church, we also need to stop settling for fellowship. The Church so many of us believe in can be a reality. We can find others who desire to follow Jesus into revolutionary work, and with them we can discover a discipleship that forms whole communities into holy fools. This may feel impossible but the reality is that many are hungry for an apocalyptic movement. As Jesus told his disciples, "Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest."

After Christ's ascension, his disciples gathered in prayer. Soon enough the Spirit was poured out in power. The presence of God was tangible and doxological glossolalia streamed out of the disciples' mouths. They found themselves stumbling deeper into love, and into a kin-dom life they never previously imagined. They were marked, changed, converted once again. This communal mystical experience led these disciples to sell all their possessions and property and share all things in common, determined to give to all who had need. To them, this was essential to the gospel.

The gospel of the kin-dom is material. It's for the here-and-now. In order to live into our gospel, and to offer this kin-dom, we need to manifest God's abundance and provision. We have no choice but to support efforts to create mutual aid among the people. Like the Pentecost-haunted disciples, we are called to form base communities that create systems of mutual aid and build alternative power to the state. We need to be present to the revolutionary currents around us, materially and physically supporting their work and offering spaces of healing and prayer for engaged revolutionaries, and all those suffering under capitalism. For the disciples present at Pentecost, living into such a call led them to radically restructure their lives in order to commit to life together, and in order to sustain their shared ministry.

Committing to Christian discipleship in such a way, at least to some degree, is seeming more and more necessary. The Church many of us dream of will require more than gathering folks with similar interests. It requires disciples of Christ communally pledging to bear the cross of struggle. Under the isolating and murderous force of capitalism, living together in some monastic form seems like one of the few ways we can create space and time for committed revolutionaries.

What is next for the growing movement of Christian leftist militants? It's hard to say. We need, first and foremost, to demonstrate apostolic commitment. We need to be willing to give up everything in order to build Christ's church, strengthen insurrection all around us, and to build the base. We need to stop waiting for somebody else to do it and take responsibility for the keys of the kin-dom that Christ gave us. We need to get over our sense of insignificance, crucify our flakiness, and accept, like Peter, that we are the rock that he will build his church.

Not only that, but we need the Holy Ghost. We need a Pentecost. The forming Christian Left has enough ideologues, perhaps even too many. We need revolutionaries baptized in Christ's martyrdom. We need doers of the word. Like the disciples at Pentecost, we need the experience of God in order to stretch our empathy and grant us the courage and joy to sacrifice our lives for a new world.

A disciple committed to revolution needs to face the heavy costs of following Christ and needs to reconcile themselves to this. The presence of God grants us a peace that surpasses all understanding. It may not fix everything, but it sits with us, holding us, opening up our vision to divine creativity, filling us with fire from heaven. We cannot separate our faith from our politics, but instead we need to live into both with apocalyptic fervor. We need to live like the gospel is true. We need the Holy Ghost.

Many Friendly Fire members came back to faith, or experienced a re-conversion, when they began developing revolutionary convictions. Our religion, a tradition with a God who is a political martyr, began to feel true again, and the experience of God began to inspire and nourish our work, and sustained our survival under capitalism. We pray for our hearts and communities to be converted again and again, into revolutionary discipline and into genuine love for the masses. May the Holy Spirit gather us, knit our hearts together, and build a living movement among us. "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." –Ephesians 3:16-19