#Been getting quite a few recently and figured I'd make a general post | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ftm-radio · 8 months ago

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My gender is 4 years old

...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅

Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.

The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.

I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗

The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:

[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]

My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!

...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.

I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3

I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.

Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.

Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:

Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.

Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.

Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.

my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜��

Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.

Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)

Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...

Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻

Okay! I think that's it, really.

I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3

Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.

So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️

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tadpoles-and-daydreams · 1 month ago

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And here you thought I'd vanished /j pt. 2

TL;DR: here's why I've been so quiet, and what I'll probably be posting about in the future.

My life and identity have changed my practice in a way that's not widely talked about.

So, after some thinking, I... kinda want to talk about it.

That was the ending of the last post, but the rest of this post needs context. So. What the fuck am I being all cryptic about anyway?? Quite a few things actually! I have another blog that I generally call "the weird closet" because it's where I keep all the things I don't want to put on this blog because the idea of it being associated with me as a tarot reader is pretty damn scary. I've decided fuck that, actually. I'll still be keeping that blog, as it acts as a journal now for more personal things, but I think I'd much rather be open about the stranger parts of myself and lose some followers and possibly ruin my change of doing tarot readings professionally than filter myself on my own blog that I made for my own practice as a witch.

So: I'll just be blunt as possible. "My" practice was secretly a group project. Recently, I've discovered my plurality. For those of you who are interested I'll make a more in-depth post on this sometime, but for now I'll focus on what exactly that is and how it effects this blog. I'll focus on my own situation, and it's not a monolith, so please be aware that I'm not giving formal definitions here.

Our collective- AKA system, we prefer the term collective- is multiple people who share one body. Frog, who you all know- that's me. The one typing this post. I'm not the only one in here, surprise! I know I sure as hell was. In our case, this is not DID nor OSDD. We're non-disordered. I call everyone else in our collective "headmates," like roommates! We're very open so feel free to ask questions about us as individuals, how our collective works, etc. etc. It might even help us figure some stuff out about ourselves. As for how this effects our practice; well.... we're learning to have our own practice as individuals. We haven't recently because there's been a lull in our ability to practice as witches, but ultimately the plan is to allow anyone who wants their own practice to develop their own practice and style with it.

As for how this effects this blog in particular; you'll see a lot more posts from someone other than me, simple as that. Some of our collective don't give a fuck about spirituality and will never really post here, meanwhile others have a major interest in it or in one case in particular being a witch is a core part of their identity; so you'll see some variety. This will allow us to post more often, so hopefully this blog will be less dead when there's no pressure for me to be the only one running it and be filtering myself the whole time.

As a second point; I, and many others in this collective, have nonhuman identities. You may not know what that is either, and we're also open about that. Part of my personal spiritual beliefs is that my soul's truest form is draconic in nature. As for the others, many of them are nonhuman and/or fictives, so they experience their identity as Alterhuman in some way. I have less to say about that because it's a bit less relevant to our practices and therefore this blog, but it probably will get brought up.

So that's a huge fucking post, but it's context I figured I should give y'all before we continue posting on here!

#witchblr #witchcraft #pagan witch #witch community #witch blog #eclectic pagan #tarot #tarotblr #tarot reader #tarot witch #plural #plural community #plurality #actually plural #pluralgang #endo safe

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teriwrites · 11 months ago

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about me: a writeblr re-re-re-introduction

Hello! My old pinned post is officially over a year old and makes me cringe whenever I'm on my blog, so it's time to freshen things up again!

I'm Teri, I'm smack dab in the middle of my 20s and figuring out life. My writing is pretty exclusively original stuff, a lot of novels and a lot of fantasy, but I play around with various genres in short stories. Sort of a jack-of-all-trades in regards to hobbies - aside from writing, there's anything from baking to drawing with my ancient art tablet to cross-stitch to playing music to rambling around the patch of woods near my house to watching long-form D&D let's plays.

my goals

I recognize that every time I post something like this, it's with the intention of finally becoming as active on writeblr as I was during the pandemic. I also recognize I've never quite managed that.

So here are some more general goals to get me through 2024:

Finish my 2nd draft of Beyond Alder Creek

Write as cringey and brutally honest as I never allowed myself to as a teenager.

Speaking of, a large reading/writing goal of mine is to go back through every NaNo draft I've ever written (I've participated since 2011). So aside from just reading that and likely turning it into a whole spectacle on here for people's amusement, generally just survive reading through the writing from 8th grade. Stay tuned for more on that in the coming weeks lol

Finally, I have a general goal every year of reaching 100K words, between writing and editing and the like, but I'd happily be a little looser with that goal if it meant getting through others.

And now, without further ado:

my writing

Before I get specifically into WIPs, a general overview of the kind of writing you can expect from me:

As I said, I'm a fantasy nerd. I love worldbuilding, both on a large scale (nations and cultures and political relationships) and a small scale (a magic shop in an otherwise contemporary setting).

There's not a lot of romance in my writing, but there Are a lot of transformational relationships and codependency. Friendships, siblings, guardians, general ride-or-dies.

Thought experiments. I've been trying to catch and indulge more in my 'wait, what if?' ideas. Sometimes, that's fun little snippets of silly ideas, sometimes it's a majorly emotionally heavy scene for a story I'll never write. Sometimes, it's coming up with ideas to 'combine genres'. It's all about expanding the range.

wips*

Beyond Alder Creek /// draft 2 /// tag: bac

Winnie Pewitt has never believed in the fae. That is, until her little brother disappears, and she stumbles upon a faerie ring on the edge of town. Inside, a man seemingly carved from gold suggests that he knows who took the boy. With everyone else around their hometown accepting her brother's fate as certainty, Winnie takes it upon herself to craft the perfect deal and enter the realm of the fae with her new companion in tow.

The Lies in the Legend /// draft 1 /// tag: litl

The fictional autobiography of an elven noblewoman who rose rapidly in station and influence from an unremarkable youth to a diplomatic powerhouse. Spanning centuries during the prime of her life, Lady Ghislaine Agassi charts the course of her career and reputation, and highlights the dangers of making myths out of our idols.

*Though these are my primary WIPs, I have a page that covers various other WIPs and projects that I've brought up over the past few years.

I think that about covers everything! As always, I can't make any promises about how the year will wind up and where it takes us. But I will say, I've actually been writing recently, and yk I'm just gonna ride that high.

And for fun, here's some random facts about me:

fun facts

I have degrees in psychology and music!

I've lived across three continents, but currently live in upstate New York for whatever reason lol

The animals I've ridden on the back of include: horse, pony, elephant, and ostrich. The horse was my least favorite. By far.

I got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes a couple months after Covid landed stateside (in May 2020) and am Always ready to talk someone's ear off about it.

The first story I ever wrote was on PowerPoint and was about war breaking out between humans and aliens that had taken refuge on Earth after their planet was destroyed. I was 8. There was a Lot of Clipart involved.

I've never been published, but I once secretly planned out, wrote, edited, and self-printed a couple copies of a novel about my best friends and our college apartment. They received it for Christmas last year and loved it (or at least were kind enough to tell me they did)!

#writeblr introduction #writeblr #writeblr intro #writers on tumblr #writing #hello once again friends #here is my annual promise to be different this year and actually talk about writing #we'll see how long it lasts this go round!#teritalks

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hotwaterandmilk · 1 year ago

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Just another one of those posts where I do a bit of a general update on a few things. This time opening with an edited scan of Maomao from Nekokurage's Kusuriya no Hitorigoto manga adaptation to get your attention. Boo!

I've been reading the Kusuriya no Hitorigoto light novels and enjoying them in the sense that I think preteen me would have liked them. I started reading the LNs earlier this year (as they're great for reading in waiting rooms and the like thanks to their short format) and I think the LNs are definitely my preferred version of the story. The anime has a nice OP theme but is fairly middling otherwise and I don't go much on the art in either mang adaptation (though Nekokurage's art has improved recently and Maomao looks less like a giant-headed baby doll in the Animate bonus cards per my scan above). Maomao is the real draw in all versions so obviously I preordered her Nendo the first moment I could — bring on May 2024!

Speaking of translated light novels you can buy right now, the first part of the Oguni no Koushaku Reijō wa Tekikoku nite Kakusei Suru light novel was just released as A Young Lady Finds Her True Calling Living with the Enemy Volume #1 by Cross Infinite World (see here). It's a solid story that doesn't overstay its welcome and Bertine's business acumen is just *chefs kiss* for those after a competent heroine.

Once the second and final part of this is out, I'd love to see Cross Infinite World pick up another short (but unrelated) PASH! Books publication, Shiitagerareta Shuusai Reijou to Ringoku no Haraguro Kenkyuusha-sama no Amayaka na Yakusou Jikkenshitsu. The web novel version was quite solid but I haven't read the printed version yet. Yeah I like science ladies, what can I say? It would be so good to keep seeing interesting titles for girls and women being picked up for English release because I tire of isekai villainess stories (which imho peaked years ago with Watashi no Oshi wa Akuyaku Reijou) and there are some great little tales out there that do things a bit differently & just need to be shown to the right audience.

I'm so excited for Metallic Rouge in early January! While it used to be that getting an original property from BONES was always exciting, it has been a while since they've created anything I've really cared about but I'm hoping this will break the drought. If a show has Izubuchi, Kawamoto, Yamada contributing then you know I've got to be there. Plus a couple of lady leads in a SF setting? Trailers with some great action and music? I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much but I'm keen to give it a shot. If it isn't for me at least I can say I've given it a chance, right?

I've been terrible at sharing the latest about this year's Silent Möbius anniversary, but I'm not a news blogger and frankly very few people care so eh y'know, whatever. BUT I figured I should say something about FAIRYTALE PARFUM releasing scents for the key members of AMP this month (though Mana has been totally forgotten, it seems). You can check out the range here, there will be a launch event on the 10th of December in Shinjuku too.

Asamiya drew new artwork for the bottles and while I'd love to get Kiddy's perfume that nods towards her bodily acceptance in its notes, importing that stuff is just too much of a pain so I've settled for a tiny acrylic stand of Kiddy instead. Sadly there's no option to buy a set of stands so I just went "whatever" and grabbed just my best girl. Anyway, if you'd like a tiny acrylic stand of an AMP girl with extra weird proportions then make sure you check out the FAIRYTALE PARFUM website.

#personal #sorry for the long post #this is just y'know a bunch of stuff that didn't warrant individual posts #so here it all is in one big slab sry

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benkyoutobentou · 1 year ago

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（再）自己紹介 | Langblr Reintroduction!

皆さん　こんにちは！I recently hit a follower milestone and figured that it was time to reintroduce myself, as it's been quite a while, and I don't really have much information about me easily accessible on my blog. Additionally, I'd like to actually write stuff down about how this blog is organized. じゃあ、始めましょう！

Hi, my name is Nobody (they/them), my native language is English, and I like studying languages! Languages have interested me ever since I was a child, but I feel like I never knew how to properly learn a language until I started studying Japanese in 2020. Now, I also study Mandarin Chinese and German! Japanese is my main target language, and I would some day like to make Japanese my primary language. Yes, that means I'm interested in moving to Japan long-term.

Immersion is my favorite way to study, but as of right now, most of my immersion has been done in Japanese. Please tell me what you're reading or watching, or ask me what I'm reading or watching! I especially love talking about books and manga and would be more than willing to share recommendations!

Outside of language learning, my hobbies include horseback riding, gardening, and reading (in English). I also have a degree in music performance, but I don't really consider that to be a hobby since it's something I'm actively pursuing as a career.

As for my blog, I keep it mostly Japanese focused, mainly because I made this blog when I was only studying Japanese, but my other languages do show up once in a while, and much of the content I post/reblog isn't tied to a single language. Here are the tags I frequently use to organize my blog and what they all mean:

#benkyou posting - these are my own posts! These are usually tagged with at least one of the other tags, as this tag just denotes that I was the one who made it, not necessarily the content that it contains.

#languages - these are posts that are typically tied to a specific language or the specific study of languages. Resources for learning languages will also show up here.

#tips - these posts are general studying tips and may not be specifically about language learning, but are applicable to the study of languages.

#study - these posts are aesthetic posts of peoples' notes and study spaces.

#inspo - these posts are inspirational posts, for when you might have a bit of trouble getting into the study mood.

#art - this is just for Japanese art! Usually, it'll be traditional arts and I must admit that I'm a sucker for woodblock prints. If I reblog any sort of Japanese fashion (think more kimonos), it'll also show up here.

#culture - these are posts about the cultural aspects of Japan, such as explanations of festivals and the such.

#aesthetic - these are just beautiful photos of Japan, mostly temples. Again, these are just photos I like, and I really like shrines and castles (once someone called me a "temple weeb" and I'm still laughing about it).

#memes - this tag is for anything fun! Memes aren't the only thing that go in here- things such as polls and silly text posts will also show up here.

Things that I don't post or reblog include vocabulary lists and grammar explanations. I have nothing against them, I just don't particularly use them on tumblr and therefore find no reason to put them on my own blog. I've made a few vocabulary lists in the past, but have found that it's just not for me! Remember that language learning is a deeply personal journey and what works for you might not work for me and vice verse. Just because these things aren't particularly what I look for out of langblr content doesn't mean that they're not important to other people, but I would like to be clear about what shows up (and doesn't!) on my blog.

So welcome to my blog! I hope you choose to stick around a while! And for those who don't know Japanese, my blog name means "studying and lunch boxes."

#benkyou posting #language learning #studyblr #langblr #intro post #polyglot #japanese #studying #studyinspo #study blog

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orsialos · 2 years ago

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Hello, I just saw you're post about working with Ares, and I'm curious. Especially about what you said with him being a comfort to you as you work through your trauma since I've been working through mine. I've been thinking about working with him for a while, and I'd be happy to hear anything you have to share about him.

I think its a shame that he's so pigeon holed. I've seen a lot of people who worship and work with him say he's a paternal and comforting figure. Someone who encourages you to keep going through the worst of it. That'd someone I could really use right now.

Dia duit! My apologies for the delay, i constantly forget to check my asks inbox 🤦‍♀️

You are very correct that the modern interpretation of Ares is very limited and pigeon holes him as an angry, terrifying, almost evil presence. While some of this can be attributed to Athenian bias against Sparta, part of it is also due to the lack of knowledge about his various cults outside of Sparta.

Before I go too far I'mma drop this recently answered ask here about researching Ares, as it has good info about a few things I'll mention below. Ok, so getting into it. Let's talk about a bit of historical background because duh, I love history, and then my personal experiences.

Ares as a Protector - Historical Context

Here, we journey east into the rising Sun to the ancient lands of Anatolia, now modern-day Turkey. Many of the Greek gods worshipped here were syncretized with pre-existing deities as the Greek world expanded. Many of these deity names have been lost to time, but we do have evidence of a pastoral protective male deity that was likely syncretized with Ares. From what I have read, we have the most evidence for this new/syncretized cult of Ares from the Lycian and Pamphylian regions of southwestern Anatolia.

The ask I linked above contains an excellent free paper on an oracular cult of Ares in this region. We have documented inscriptions that this oracle called for a protective "binding" of a figure of Ares for the citizens to protect their shores from raiding pirates. Figures of Ares or figures symbolic of Ares were often found in areas around the city, another demonstration of his dual nature as both pastoral protector and invader.

Coinage is a very useful tool in archaeology for learning more about the important cultural figures in a given society. Time and time again we find detailed coins with an image of Ares, usually with a helmet. While we cannot use this to determine how Ares was worshipped, we can surmise Ares was a large part of daily life in western Anatolia.

This is in stark contrast to mainland Greece, where images of Ares outside of pottery and sculptures are quite rare; Ares was often seen as the literal personification of war itself, the din and fury and bloodlust that comes out during war is all because of Ares. Here, Ares was almost feared out of respect for his chaotic nature and ability to turn the tide in war rather than admired and worshipped for his protective nature.

Ares as a Protector - Personal Experience

Well this is the fun, UPG part! Everything you've heard about Ares - his protective nature, his warmth & tenderness, his encouragement in the face of darkness are all so true it nearly makes me cry! My experience with Ares has been about 70% him being fatherly and tender when i was in therapy to finally talk about my SA trauma and 30% helping me learn to deal with my anger towards life in general (for this I look to wisdom from the mythologies surrounding Ares, especially the death of Adonis).

I'd say currently Ares is more of a "hey, I'm here if you need me" presence in my life, always at the edges and sometimes coming to say hello unprompted, just as a loving father would do. While my worship of Ares has only gotten stronger and more involved over the year-ish I've had him in my life, his daily presence is much more subdued. And i think a lot of that is because I don't need him in my life as much, which is honestly a good thing!

Ares came to me at a time in my life where I was caught up in unresolved trauma from an incident years prior and experienced something that broke the floodgates holding everything back. He was there nearly every second of every day - a warmth at my shoulder, an echo in my mind. At night when i was lying awake trying not to let my mind spiral, i quite honestly felt a warmth by my side as if someone was sitting next to me tracing their fingers along my back to calm me down. What I find a bit unnerving as far as UPG goes is that is what a lot of other people have said their experiences are like with Ares.

It seems to me, from my experiences and what I've heard from others, is that Ares is wonderful at providing solid ground and a strong arm to hold on to when it feels like you are in free fall. He is not pushy or demanding and delights with any time we spend with him. Of course this is not to say his war-like aspect and place on the battlefield does not exist! But rather, as literally any other Greek god I can think of, he is a god of duality and while war and protection may seem at odds, they are truly two sides of the same coin.

Can you tell I love Ares just a little bit?

#asked and answered #ares #ares deity #ares worship #helpol #hellenism #hellenic worship #hellenic polytheism #hellenic devotion #hellenic deities #hellenic reconstructionism #hellenic polythiest #ares obsession is literally in hyperdrive rn #again lol thank you #ares devotion

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batsplat · 25 days ago

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about relationships with those rivals i am thinking of one of the recent wta hot girls

“Do you have amongst the players good friends? Do you prefer to keep your distance because they're your rivals?” Qinwen: “My answer is very clear: I prefer always to keep the distance with the player. Has a lot of competition with me. I am, like, the sensitive type with my heart. I don't feel if I become friends with someone and I have to compete with them on court, I feel I'm not able to 100% focus and fight. When I have to scream, ‘C'mon,’ I'm not able to do that because I will feel a bit weird. In my heart, I feel if it's a friend, I really want she win or she feels good in her life. This is the opposite side of a tennis tournament. Once I figure out that, I decided don't try to make a friend on tour because there's so many people outside of the tennis world. Why I have to just make friends here? I come here to compete with them, to win the match. Yeah, that's my opinion (smiling).”

https://x.com/thetennisletter/status/1852351810079502451

yeah the girl who doesn’t shake hands with her opponents after losing a match🫶

wait ahah I'd answered this ask as a follow up to the TENNIS one from yesterday where I moaned about men's tennis some more, not the one about valentino and his relationship with his rivals. L for reading comprehension, though I suppose it is quite fitting I'd been thinking about zheng anyway. not going to rejig the whole thing, so here's what I initially wrote --

icl I fully typed out zheng's name in that last post before cutting myself off and going. I can't do that justice in a pithy way. but honestly lol that's been one of the funniest little subplots of the year. like the olympics were..? so odd..? on several levels, but zheng's whole drama with navarro where she was randomly accused of lacking respect was a real highlight. just completely came out of nowhere. obviously we've had a bit more of that energy recently - telling leylah's father to shut up at wuhan, the drama with the line judge in the final against sabalenka, just some generally rather frosty handshakes. now obviously (minus the line judge thing which I'm always quite eh about) I am in full support of this sort of thing. it's fun!! she's a character, she has insane levels of self confidence, she has SO much aura and now she's beginning to have the results to back it up. I'll fully admit I was a sceptic before the second half of the season, but she's really made a step. (does still have a massive sabalenka problem lol, she needs to do something about that next season.) super curious to see about where she'll take it next year

I do have to admit I'm always a bit wary of athletes saying they're not there to make friends, because a lot of the time the most intense rivalries do kinda... rely on a little bit of an interpersonal connection? not necessarily a FRIENDSHIP, but you do kinda need to engage with the other person in some way. you need to be interested in them, at least, which zheng doesn't seem to be at all. like just on a sporting level, good on her, I'm also not a fan of how a few of the other players are behaving around her - it feels quite clique-y. but just in general, ideally you want a bit of a vibe between players for the very best sporting narratives do develop, which obviously means you can't COMPLETELY shut yourself off from your competitors. then again, beggars can't be choosers. if zheng goes around and causes penko-type low level drama at the top of the game for the next however many years, sure, sign me up. prickly characters are a mainstay trope of the wta tour and it is a tradition I obviously want to see continued

-- and as a little addendum that actually engages with the ask I was sent not the ask I imagined in my head:

yeah no I think you're making a really good comparison there!! and as I've already said in the tags under the valentino post, I DO get where zheng is coming from on this. still don't think it's THAT tough to get yourself to hate someone in the moment, but if you're actually playing professionally and have to crush the spirit of your friend?? who knows how you'd deal with that... idk man, that's tough. something like kasatkina comforting mirra who's crying after their final would KILL me, like that's a kid!! a kid dasha has an actual relationship with!! all those quarterfinal losses medvedev's handed rublev, it's like?? three I think at this point?? that's the godfather of his CHILD - medvedev's talked about this in some detail and says he can separate those things completely, which, y'know, good for him, but I think it would also be quite normal if rublev had a little bit of resentment in his heart over that!! the thing about professional sports is that it is basically built for freaks - and a lot of that is to do with the all-consuming competitive drive. I don't feel like it's absurd to argue that needing a bit of distance from your rivals could be seen as... idk, more normal than just flipping like a switch every time you step on and off the court, or on and off the bike or whatever

and I do think it's quite admirable that zheng knows herself to such an extent and can set those boundaries for herself. but... yeah, idk, to me the exact stuff she's describing there is a pretty underrated element of valentino's competitive make-up. it's not just about needing enemies to motivate himself - maybe, just maybe, he struggles to find it within himself to crush friends. he HAS to get some distance, because the friction between these two roles - of rival and friend - makes him uncomfortable. I still low-key think he did approach the whole casey rivalry in a pretty healthy, sensible way... now obviously, casey wouldn't agree - and his emotional needs were not being met in that situation but. y'know. we know what the alternative looks like, and funnily enough I don't think casey would have been a massive fan of that either. again, I'm not saying getting involved in five feuds is the sign of an empath. but also fundamentally I do think there's some fairly normal psychological processes underlying this stuff, like it's not all just freak behaviour. man finds it tricky to deny the hopes and dreams of his friends, more at ten

#right sorry obviously i have just stitched two entirely different posts together. we move #//#racquet tag #batsplat responds #brr brr #clown tag #my main tennis related thought over the last day that i can share with the class:#a lot of the sound mixing of matches uploaded to youtube is truly abysmal. it's deafen the entire neighbourhood or not hear a word #also too many american commentators can be divided into one of two schools #talking to me like i'm a toddler or mumbling into their microphones. either i can't hear shit or i don't want to #the us open covid era commentary was like... my god. guys. if the stadium is empty SOMEBODY needs to bring some energy here #that being said. shout out to that one commentator who was like -#'listening to nadal and djokovic... they sound like they've been stabbed'#you're the only real one here. they did sound like they'd been stabbed

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eldritchamy · 2 years ago

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Hey, hello, how do I hear more of your world building because whenever you have it in tags of stuff, I am OBSESSED

I mean currently the answer is you have to be a specific person in my Discord DMs (and future housemate), who is the recipient of all of my infodumps about this particular topic.

The reason for this is that she's my ACTUAL DM (who runs a delightfully homebrewed Ravnica setting which takes a VERY liberal approach to MTG's concept of a multiverse), and my own homebrew Une-iverse is sort of the version of my characters and their story that exists in my head (I normally refer to this as "Story Mode") and is slowly being built out into its own whole world and, with any luck, several books. She greatly enjoys my infodumping in general, and has also been thrilled to have me as a player (in my first DND campaign!) because, and I quote, "Your passion and care for the story of your character is infectious." Her DMing style also very much jives with how I like to play the game, and the other players in the party, and their characters, are all excellent.

I'm pretty big on establishing and keeping to narrative arcs, and so far I'm pretty happy with where my character is in her journey as a person and how she's relating to the world around her, and in particular her story NPCs. One of my NPCs in particular (my favorite and the one I'm proudest of coming up with) she plays almost EXACTLY how I envision her, so every scene with that character is like a 5 pound brick of dopamine physically pummeled into my bloodstream through blunt force. She's also a very interesting character mechanically, so she's been the subject of QUITE a few infodumps about the mechanics of time and Second Sight and causality. I may make a post about that specifically, because I have a really cool way of explaining it.

When she first put out the call for a campaign she wanted to run, I was the first person to respond because I'd recently been in a bit of a DND hyperfixation (thanks in part to Critical Role) where I had turned a character concept I came up with several years prior into a functional PC. Her pitch for the campaign she wanted to run fit with the character I had started building, and I figured it was as good a time as any to actually get over my anxiety about it and actually join a party.

....While writing up my character's backstory initially, I was typing in a document that hit seven pages before my character was even born, if that's any indication of What I'm Like As A Person.

A fair amount got revised during and after character creation (I homebrewed an entire new 5e class (Witch) between levels 1 and 3 and she let me swap to it). I had some really cool ideas for her character backstory and her story NPCs (whom I, in an extremely on-brand obsessive fervor, had given some pretty deep backstories of their own), and she really enjoyed the creative direction I took everything character-wise and narratively.

And I STILL send her walls of text about character stuff and how they relate to things that happened and why they had the reactions they did to what events in their backstories and how everything interacted to make them such fleshed out and compelling characters.

Because when I get excited about a topic I am utterly, hopelessly incapable of shutting up about it. But she likes it and has a mutual interest in the particular topic, so she's ended up the person I direct all of the infodumps at.

As far as I can remember, I haven't posted anything about it except what's in either the "eldritch OCs" tag or more recently the "Uneiverse" tag on my blog.

I could be encouraged to post more about it, if enough people show an interest. I do think my cosmogony is pretty neat. I do need to work out a historical timeline, though, because currently some Pretty Major Stuff is a bit up in the air in terms of "ok cool but WHEN".

#Uneiverse

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turtlemagnum · 1 year ago

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figured i should make a revised version of my pin (holy shit was it long(to be fair it still is(shut up!)))

facts about me for REAL GAMEWAD's:

the name's turtle. it's not my legal name, it's better!

my interests include writing, music, video games, animals, history, obscure political philosophy (and philosophy in general), making fun of virtually everyone who's ever been considered a philosopher, weeb shit, guns and occasionally other varieties of weaponry (usually the kind that individual people can effectively use), linguistics, and misanthropy. and also probably some other things i'm forgetting.

in terms of specifics, my biggest writing project/interest at the moment is this fantasy setting i've been developing for years now and marginally more recently, a game to go along with it and hopefully become successful enough to turn it into a series.

my musical tastes generally require some degree of complexity often not found in things like pop music. my fallback genre tends to be progressive rock, with some of my favorite artists in that group being yes, king crimson, jethro tull, jimi hendrix (best guitarist of all time i will FIGHT YOU), emerson lake and palmer, and while i'm not quite as experienced in terms of foreign prog i've really liked what i've heard from midas and (i think?) masayoshi takanaka. i think the most mainstream artist i like is bowie, which to be fair he's pretty weird for a really popular artist. i also like two (2!) whole metal groups, those being dio and symphony x. i think the main thing that really sets them apart from most other metal is that the singer actually sings rather than the generic metal screaming (which, to be fair, i think screaming can be done well, but we'll get to that later). nothing quite helps me think about writing as listening to really good metal, a lot of my setting has actually been heavily inspired by listening to dio (which, to be fair, his subject matter tends to have heavy fantasy elements, so it makes sense). i also like tally hall and most of its splitoffs (e.g. miracle musical and some of bora's stuff), and also lemon demon/neil cicierega, though to be fair i'm not hard into them like i used to be. very occasionally, i'll listen to old school funk/soul and the things it inspired like a good chunk of classic rap (like nwa). not sure if i'd consider death grips to be "rap", but that's probably the closest descriptor i'm aware of and either way, i do quite like death grippin'. a few other artists i like include oingo boingo/danny elfman's stuff, marty robbins (honest to jod the only country i actively enjoy), a bit of aphex twin and his infinite niche side projects, pilotredsun/pilotredsky, molchat doma, and queen.

i like a lot of different game series, but some of my favorites include UT/DR, zelda, mario, pre gen 5 pokemon (i know i'm a boomer but i was literally like 10 when gen 5 first came out and even back then i didn't like the look of it, and i've just sorta lost interest in pokemon games post that point), i'm a self loathing elder scrolls and fallout fan (the best idea bethesda ever had was letting obsidian develop new vegas), and i hate myself even more for becoming an unironic star wars fan after being recommended the KOTOR games as being some of the best RPGs of all time (KOTOR 2 is, and KOTOR 1 is enjoyable enough), being a sane PC gamer i love pretty much everything valve has ever touched e.g. half life and portal (with the exception of the CS games, they strive enough for realism that they're not fun mechanically but they're not realistic enough to be fun in terms of being a simulator)(also TF2 devoured my life during middle school and most of high school, but i've fallen out of love with it at this point), i fucking love the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. games, GTA is mostly a driving simulator for me where you can also just shoot anybody who cuts you off (which, to be honest should be a feature in literally every open world driving game, but i digress (isn't this whole thing an exercise in digression? (fuck you! shut up!!! bitch.))), and also i fucking love emulation and piracy sooooo so so soso much. sometimes i actively pirate things i already own just because i can. also i cheat in gtav online purely to get free money to buy all of the exorbitantly expensive shit and also not get griefed by the other cheaters. i like fast cars in video game!!! im not giving rockstar real money so i can buy the back to the future car!!!!!

i'm definitely a dog person, though i also very much love cats, and also i love pretty much all varieties of animal (though to be fair, i don't really like animals bred to be "cute" since they just kinda look like monstrosities to me. which to be clear, isn't their fault, and if i met one in person i'd be nice to it because it's still a little animal, but i just kinda feel bad for em y'know. not a fan of the dog eugenics to be perfectly honest. also, fuck invasive species, i'm not really into hunting but given the impact they tend to have on the native environment of the US, i definitely plan on hunting hogs, and also i like bacon/ribs/pork chops)

huge history nerd. most of my knowledge is from ww2 and onwards, but i do know a fair bit about general history. i'm definitely an amateur and by no means anything resembling an expert, but in my experience i tend to know a fair bit more about history than most normal people (i don't think there are many people under 30 these days who know what the hell a rhodesia was, for example)

in terms of philosophy, i don't really like to ascribe labels to myself and prefer to simply state my beliefs and opinions, mostly because in my experience people will generally mostly agree with what i have to say so long as i don't call myself the label that arguably most accurately describes them. if you think i'm a communist, i'm not gonna refute you, but i'm not gonna actively choose to call myself a communist. same goes with terms like "liberal", "libertarian", "anarchist", or "socialist", since literally all of these terms are deeply politically loaded and tend to mean different things to different people, i could very well describe the same positions i hold to two very different people, and they'd each very likely come away with a different label that probably says more about them than it would about me. i, of course, have my own opinions on what these words mean, but they're generally unpopular ones that will undoubtedly make someone angry. thus, i consider the only winning move to be simply not playing. to be frank, if you're at all curious about my beliefs, just read through enough of my posts as i tend to be pretty open about what i'm thinking. also, if you know who my pfp is, you probably have a pretty good starting point to make sense of my views from.

in terms of making fun of philosophers, i'd like to propose a hypothetical. let's assume that the afterlife is real. personally, i don't think marx would be in a hell at the behest of a higher being. i do, however, think that he'd be forever condemned to be surrounded by the countless generations of insufferable marxists incessantly arguing in typical leftist infighting fashion, which i'd argue may as well be hell

in terms of weeb shit, i mostly mean anime, which is to say the few anime i've historically had the attention span to watch and the rare manga i've had the attention span to read. during the wait for part 5 of jjba to be animated, i read through part 5-7 and i still haven't caught up with the part 6 anime. i fucking love what i've seen from cowboy bebop and honestly i need to pick it back up, i've more recently watched a decent chunk of fist of the north star, and the most recent manga i've read was a compilation of the yugioh manga (which i honestly didn't expect to be as good as it was). i forget if it was this year or last year, but i watched fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood all the way through and fucking loved it (not sure if i'd call it the best anime of all time, but moreso out of a lack of broad experience and a hate for sweeping generalizations rather than thinking it's overhyped). and also i grew up on youtube abridged bullshit like dbza and ygotas (and also like 2 VHS's of the gen 1 pokemon anime)

oh boy!! guns!!! so yeah i'm like, extremely autistic, and modern(ish) small arms are one of my biggest special interests. if you want me to explain basically anything about how guns work, ask me! please. i need to gun rant....! babey..!! (if you don't wanna hear about guns, probably don't follow me)

i like linguistics in much the same way that i like history, insofar as how i really like it and think it's so fucking cool and try to learn as much as i can about it but i'm also really stupid and have a hard time understanding the extremely complex bits (moreso with linguistics on that last part, i wish i knew how to read that thing where there's a specific character for literally every sound ever to make pronunciation guides completely unambiguous). also i really like the intersection of culture, linguistics and history and the like, i love how interconnected the fields are (though to be fair, basically everything is interconnected if you learn hard enough)

he/they/it pronouns because i don't really care how people refer to me as long as it's not femininely or neopronouns (nothing against either of those, just don't personally vibe with them). also, i like "it" because my grandparents would jokingly call me "it" a lot, and eventually it felt very much like a term of endearment (so weirdly enough, it doesn't feel dehumanizing to me despite that being The Point for most it/its users i've seen). my gender is just some guy, maan. or in other words, i'm an amab person who's more or less "gender confirming" with my biological sex, but also i reject a lot of the bullshit with "normal" masculinity so in essence: i'm a man when it's convenient, and genderless when it's not. sexuality is a bit weird, i can absolutely develop romantic feelings for people regardless of gender but in terms of sexual attraction, it's pretty much just women and people of other genders who present femininely/androgynously (though with women specifically, i also really like masc women, which Sucks for me because in my experience most of them are exclusively into other women)

fuckin uhh tags. vent tag is #turtlevent, gun tag is #turtlegunrant, will add as necessary

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fortes-fortuna-iogurtum · 2 years ago

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I don't have the mental energy to respond to all of the comments directly right now, but this is a shout-out to say thank you to everyone who responded to the original post up there ^ to tell me no, this is actually a symptom of depression and something I should definitely talk to someone about. I actually had a first appointment with a new doctor recently, and I mentioned to her that I'd like to talk to someone about anxiety/depression/mental health in general, so I've got an appointment with a counselor now... I won't actually get to meet with her for a few more weeks, but I'm hoping she can help me start to sort through whatever kind of mess my head is over the summer. (I'm hoping I can bring up the topic of ADHD/ASD with her, too, and I've also just been told that I share a lot of mental symptoms with OCD-havers, so I guess that should be added to my list of things to ask about... I don't want to be the person who self-diagnoses every disorder under the sun, but I do think something's not quite right and I just want to /know/ what it is. and if there's any way to make it stop.)

I feel a lot better today than I did when I made that post, but I'm so tired of the mental and emotional rollercoaster it feels like I'm constantly on now... I'd just like to figure out how to manage this enough that it doesn't feel like I'm constantly at the whim of random emotions that have no correlation to reality, or being terrified of letting myself slow down too much for fear of being catapulted into darkness and apathy again.

hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.

#gurt says stuff #personal #mental health #I do think I should maybe talk to my pastor or a spiritual counselor too though... lately I do feel like my relationship with God/my faith #isn't what it should be #and that may be connected to whatever's up with my brain #but i'd like to talk it over with someone who has more knowledge and experience with these things #anyway... thanks to everyone who gave advice/encouraging words in the tags. I love y'all and really appreciated so many of you #taking time to share your experiences with similar feelings #it means a lot to know I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way <3

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flowerbloom-arts · 3 years ago

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Alright creeps and peeps I had an idea for a Wizard of Oz x Moomins crossover for a while if you've seen my other post about it, I really really want to do it but I'm not a writer nor do I have the time, attention and patience to do so, so I'm just gonna dump an overly detailed explanation in the hopes that someone who can write fanfiction is interested enough to do it for me haha, thank goodness I managed to get this done for Halloween!

But seriously if anyone actually wants to (after reading the whole thing of course) please comment or DM me!! And don't be shy! I'd love to see someone take interest!!

Oh and just a heads up, it's really long so... Yeah.

Story

The plot very generally follows the story of the Wonderful Wizard of Oz (or more specifically, the movie adaptation) with a gal who is a bit unsatisfied with life, gets swept up by a storm into a weird dreamland and meets a scarecrow, a tinman and a lion and all 4 of them travel to a city where they can wish to a wizard for whatever they really want, but to get their wishes they have to kill a terrible witch and after doing that it turns out the wizard is a fraud but gives them little placebos to make them happy, the wizard flies off on a hot air balloon, and the gal returns home by using the wearable macguffin she had the whole time.

But onto the nitty gritty of how this version of the story plays out.

Once upon a time there was a creature called the Fuzzy. The Fuzzy had been recently married to the Muddler, whom she had only known for a day before marrying him, and things are going rather... Adequate, she supposed. You see, the two lovebirds know they both love eachother and collecting but beyond that the Fuzzy realizes there are quite alot of things they don't know about eachother's pasts or relationships.

The Muddler has a few close friends he trusts dearly; a Joxter who appeared to harbor some animosity towards the poor Fuzzy and she can't figure out why, a Moomin who is quite the thinker but also speaks of desiring danger, and an uncle who people say is grand but she never really interacts with him, and when they do, Hodgkins seemed too quiet and intimidating. She has friends in miss Moomin and the Mymble who she's comfortable with, but the prospect of motherhood gives an ache in her stomach as she remembers her own upbringing, especially when she looks at all of Mymble's children. All of them live in a house built by the Moomin since there was a terrible storm on the island.

One day, a moomin (different from the ones mentioned earlier and who looked very similar to the Hemulen Aunt that sent a framed picture on Fuzzy's wedding) shows up. Her name was Jane, and she was rich. Very rich. Fuzzy doesn't know what this rich person is doing in the autocracy nor does she trust her. She believes, upon very flimsy evidence and accusation, that Jane would want the more valuable pieces of her collection and Fuzzy is very protective of it for reasons we'll understand later. The same night a flood hits the house everyone lived in and makes everything sway from one side to the other, Fuzzy had been thinking to herself in her own room during that time and struggled greatly to survive the flood before eventually getting knocked unconscious.

The Fuzzy wakes up to a bright morning with birds tweeting outside (which is odd because there usually aren't birds on the shore of the autocracy where the house was) and Fuzzy takes her basket and goes outside to investigate. She notices nobody is there as she goes downstairs and got a very bad feeling about it. When she finally opens the door she's greeted with very large and jolly woman who immediately shakes her paw in gratitude, blabbering about how grateful she is that the Fuzzy had crushed the Wretched Witch of the East (a hemulen who wore green) who had been bothering them very much for a long time, the Witch's paws were sticking out from under the house holding a curious brooch with a ruby-red button and a silver frame. The large woman calling herself the Mayor introduces the Fuzzy to her hoard of tiny red-headed residents who sing their praises and cheers about the death of the Wretched Witch until the Wicked Witch of the West (a moomin) arrives and cries angrily about the murder of her dear business partner and swears vengeance on her behalf before flying off on her flying bird-headed umbrella. The Mayor brushes this off as an odd occurrence that won't mean anything much to the Fuzzy's concern and Fuzzy tells her she just wants to go home, the Mayor hears this and tells her that she should go to the Moonstone City where the Wonderful Wizard Jones can grant her wishes, and to get there she has to follow the long golden brick road. And so, the Fuzzy sets off on her journey to the city, where she can hopefully be able to go home.

Through the rather wet lands of Oz (it was wet because of the flood), the Fuzzy meets a Muddled Scarecrow who wishes he had the nerve to do his job and scare crows off the corn field he's supposed to be protecting, a Tinman Jokester who wants the brains to be able to read the strange new signs that are popping up everywhere, and a Prideful Lion who wants the heart to love his partner and subjects. All of them hype eachother up about how the Wizard will grant all their wishes and once they make it to Moonstone City surrounded by long but low walls of stone, all of them are enamoured by the splendor of it all. Thanks to the guidance of a spry young girl (who claims to be the daughter of the Mayor) the gang reach Wizard Jones and his grand floating head. Each of them ask for what they want but Jones says they need to earn their wishes by slaying the Wicked Witch of the West, with an off-handed insult or two the Wizard pushes them out of his room and the gang decide that they probably should do as he says.

This is where things get a little less detailed in my head but basically the gang starts getting to know eachother and bond (insert backstory angst and talk about how cool a "Farmer Fredrickson" guy is here) as they travel to the Witch's mansion while also getting attacked by Niblings (inherited by the Witch of the West from the Witch of the East), and while inside the Mansion the 3 guys prove that they already have what they wanted by the Lion performing an act of compassion, the Tinman finding a clever solution and the Scarecrow acting out of bravery by sacrificing himself for Fuzzy. Meanwhile, Fuzzy herself is stealthily girlbossing her way through and finds out that the Witch of the West is actually made of marshmallow, giving her an idea of how to defeat her, but before she could find the others she gets kidnapped by the Witch's guards and there's a monologue charade between the Witch and Fuzzy.

It turns out that the brooch Fuzzy took from the other witch was supposed to be delivered to the Witch of the West for a transaction with the Dwarf King, then she goes on a business tirade that bores Fuzzy and she escapes thanks to her friends climbing in through a window, this all happens behind the Witch's back and she notices when it's too late. Fuzzy tells her friends about the marshmallow detail and all of them scramble to come up with solutions like water (suggested by the Lion), fire (suggested by the Scarecrow) or just plain chopping her head off (suggested by the Tinman), time is quickly running out as guards are chasing after them so they create a trap somehow combining all the suggestions and succeed in killing the witch who dies a comedically stretched out death even though the sight must be very horrifying. The guards stand there not sure what to do because they were actually her employees and needed to get paid somehow, so Fuzzy suggests that they should split all of the Witch's wealth amongst themselves, to which they agree.

Back in Moonstone City, the gang return to the Wizard with a bird-headed umbrella and a saucepan of marshmallow goo as evidence that they killed the Witch, the Wizard congratulates them and is about to assign them another quest before the whole gang calls bullcrap and asks for consolation for their labor and mental trauma, but then the Tinman notices a curtain nearby, pulls it and all of them see that the Wizard is actually some old human guy named Jones at a control board invented by Farmer Fredrickson. As an apology Jones gives them meaningless gifts that are supposed to represent what they actually wanted and they just kind of take it unhappily. But for Fuzzy, Jones thought he should send her on a hot air balloon where she can fly back home, Fuzzy thinks it's worth a shot and there's a ceremony for the flight home. The rope was manned by a big intimidating guy who turns out to be Farmer Fredrickson and he lets go of it when only Jones stepped into the balloon, sending him off to who knows where, everyone knows someone should object but they all agree Jones sucked and they'd be better off with someone else as the leader.

Fuzzy is devastated at the prospect of never going home but then a bubble appears from the sky, it's the Good Witch of the South! A rather pretty moomin who tells Fuzzy that she always had a way to go back home, and it's on her chest the whole time. Her heart? No, the darned brooch she stole from the Witch of the East since she got here. By closing her eyes, holding the brooch and repeating the phrase "I would like to go home please", the Fuzzy finds herself home.

The Fuzzy wakes up on a bed and notices the bandages on her head, everyone she knows was gathered around her, worried and relieved that she finally awoke. Fuzzy madly explains the strange dream she had and then notices Jane was also there, she accuses Jane of wanting her goods and Jane is very confused by this, saying she literally has all the riches she could ever want and is only here to fund whatever Hodgkins was inventing next. A wave of both relief and embarrassment rushes over the Fuzzy as she slides back down on the bed and covers her eyes with shame.

Then there's a bittersweet epilogue between Fuzzy and Muddler discussing their future, they have high hopes but... We know some of it will turn out untrue in the end.

Fin.

Details and footnotes

•The name of the land Fuzzy goes to in her coma can certainly change but I'm not sure if it shouldn't be Oz or even what other name this place can be called, so feel free if you have an idea.

•The Joxter's introduction in the establishment of Fuzzy's regular world is Fuzzy giving Joxter breakfast. Joxter is sitting atop a tree branch and grabs it from her paws without coming down, he asks why Muddler didn't bring him the breakfast that time and Fuzzy says he told her since he'd be busy cleaning the house, Joxter scoffs and eats his breakfast. After some silence Fuzzy asks Joxter if he dislikes her and why and he only responds with a vague answer that basically says dislike is a weak word and he won't tell her why he feels that way. Fuzzy feels unwelcomed by the Joxter.

•The characters in the regular world will be sticking to canon traits and designs mostly from the book AND 90s adaptation of it. E.g. Joxter is very human like in canon, meaning he doesn't have things like a tail, elf/cat ears and visible whiskers (sorry), but he does retain his cat-like movement/behavior as described in Moominpappa's memoirs and his cat-like eyes. Moomins have velvet fur rather than being fluffy. Mymble Jr. still has a tail (I don't know why it disappears later on in canon either but whatever) etc.

•The Oshun Oxtra crew are British foreigners and speak in British English, meanwhile the Autocracy is located somewhere on an island near Denmark or some other Nordic country (this will not be mentioned within the story) and the natives such as Fuzzy and the other female characters (though Moominmamma is swedish-finnish) speak in a more standard dialect. Everyone speaks in a standard English dialect once we enter Oz except for a few standout phrases and words from the Oshun Oxtra equivalences.

•Moomin (aka young Moominpappa) is still holding out hope that SOMEONE would be interested in adventuring like old times and extensively talks about his past whenever the opportunity arises, but he retains his habit of asking weird existential questions that nobody can really answer which Fuzzy actually does consider but it normally ends in a headache for her.

•(Aunt) Jane is never actively malicious, she's disinterested and snobbish at worst.

•Fuzzy feels a slight insecurity at not being good at traditionally womanly duties, having them being mostly taken up by her husband who actually enjoys doing those chores.

•The land of Oz is a weird but familiar remix of how the Autocracy looks, with rounded hills, strange lines of walls, basic village houses and mostly desire paths aside from the brick roads.

•The road that isn't the golden brick road is an unusually wet red brick road, the feeling of which is similar to wet paint when touched by the foot.

•The story is comprised by alot of humor, some of which comes from Fuzzy being out of her depths and being thrown through a loop when the reality of this strange land doesn't line up with expectations (e.i. the Witch's residence being a mansion rather than a castle), but there's other forms of jokes and humor throughout aswell.

•The Wicked Witches' names can be shortened to "the Western/Eastern Witch" for convenience.

•Oz is filled with new pools, ponds and lakes from the flood that swept Fuzzy up, this is important because the flying monkeys will be replaced by the Niblings and Niblings travel better in water.

•Moonstone City isn't actually made of (blue) moonstone even though it's supposed to look that way, this is a super secret fact that citizens aren't supposed to tell but the Little Girl who guides the gang tells them anyway.

•The signs that the Tinman isn't able to read are actually rules for a park but nobody tells him because earlier he talked about how much he despises parks and park keepers.

•The Witch's guards are rat-like people (like the hotel staff or police from Moomins in the Riviera)

•Alot of Oz things revolve around gemstones and jewelry, there's aire of extra splendor and extravagance to everything.

•The Witch's mansion is located in a big dark dead forest.

•The source of magic for the witches are purses and bags (they're like magic wands here)

•Everyone still has "paws", except for Wizard Jones who uses the word "hands".

•Autocrat Jones is 3 times the size of Hodgkins in the regular world but Wizard Jones is shrunk to relatively normal size in Oz.

•Fuzzy wears the same exact dress both in the regular world and Oz.

•Wizard Jones calls the Lion a hippo as an insulting joke.

•The time period is early 1930s and Oz's time is purely vague.

•The male gang have weapons for when they enter the dark forest; Tinman has an axe (or fishing rod, can't decide), Scarecrow has a sickle ("Scythes are too big and scary!!") and Lion has a rifle.

Ideas and concepts I'm iffy on but could be added

•We get a proper introduction to/interaction with Hodgkins and Autocrat Jones before Fuzzy goes to Oz.

•The head/handle of the Witch's umbrella can talk, or atleast the Witch acts like it can talk and has a mind of it's own.

•Whether Fuzzy is able to fully remember her reality or it becomes a mere vague idea with childhood memories.

•Wether the Oz characters get explicitly compared to the regular characters within the story or not.

•The adventure occasionally getting vague interruptions of earthquakes and ominous chanting (the crew in reality trying to wake Fuzzy up)

•Fuzzy and the Scarecrow having a low-key love story going on (REALLY depends on the memory thing, could just be reduced to them just being sweet to eachother alot)

•Scarecrow and Tinman having an already established friendship.

•Fuzzy having reoccurring kleptomanic urges throughout the journey.

Characters

The Fuzzy

Role: main character, leader

Archetype: the Everyman

Replacing: Dorothy E. Gale

Fuzzy was the second youngest child among 6 in a fuzzy family of tailors/seamsters called the Felts, though this family was only a branch in the enormous tree that was the Fuzzy Family Business which occupied most niches and industries you can think of, the Felts were quite possibly the only business selling clothing in the south of Jones' Autocracy, effectively having the monopoly in this small territory. Though with this monopoly came with frequent supply shortages and thus alot of errands especially for the children who did what they could to help with business. Fuzzy, being young, impressionable and indirectly influenced by her mother in passing conversation, took the unorthodox approach of stealing most of the supplies she was meant to collect for the business (a loose button, a few unattended pins, lost yarn, the works), the bit about stealing the supplies she got went mostly unnoticed and thus it became a habit of hers to steal every small thing she even had a mild desire to have. But of course it was near impossible to keep her own possessions in a large household with constantly dwindling supplies, this infuriated Fuzzy more than the rest of her siblings, making her become rather possessive and secretive of some of the things she collected.

As Fuzzy Felt grew into her teenhood, though, her habit of stealing worsened and the things she wanted to steal became more ambitious. This, unlike previously, was noticed by law enforecers and was mildly punished accordingly. Fuzzy got arrested a few times before her family had to intervene, and when they interneved, boy did they intervene. Her parents punished poor Fuzzy in a few traumatizing ways that doesn't bear mentioning and it highly diminished Fuzzy's ego to but a whimpering rodent. Fuzzy, where she was once a rambunctious young woman who wanted to stand her ground and did all she could to keep secrets, became meek and awfully fearful of her own potential to be a terrible lady by societal standards. She stopped going out and stopped seeing her only friend, Mymble, she ate very little and had a habit of stumbling over her words lest they'd be misinterpreted. Despite this, she couldn't help but retain the habit of stealing and being possessive of her belongings, now with a strong guilt weighing her down everytime. She held spite toward her own family, but now that she knew what they were willing to do to her, thought it best to just keep quiet and sew with her wheelchair-bound sister until she could flee this place.

The day came where there was a great ceremony for the great Amphibian where her family was outfitting the hemulic brass band, Fuzzy wasn't extremely invested in it all and held onto a basket of things she'd bring so she can go through with an escape plan once everything was said and done. The Amphibian took off, and Fuzzy booked it to the outskirts of the ceremony where she found a very large tin marked as "Maxwell House Coffee", curious as to the contents and in the hopes to perhaps steal something, she opened the lid and found a muddler anxiously fiddling with his stuff inside. Charmed, the two started talking, sharing buttons, holding paws and suddenly had a desire to marry eachother then and there. And so you know the rest of what happened if you've read Moominpappa's Memoirs.

Alas, Fuzzy still has a lingering fear of being a terrible wife to the Muddler, who she believes is far too kind and understanding for her, especially since they don't truly know eachother as she's realized fairly early into the marriage. She fears seeing her former family ever again, she fears having the truth of her past be revealed to her husband, she fears crossing a line that'll get her in trouble, she fears saying the wrong things, she fears hurting anyone, she fears being hated, she fears being alone, she fears being considered unacceptable, she fears herself and everyone around her, she's struggling with changes that are so... Overwhelming. The euphoria of marriage has dissipated and now she has motherhood to look forward to, no matter how dreadful the prospect may be as it brings an overwhelming challenge, most of which is unknown to her.

Still, she wants to live a happy, normal life with her new husband, and she wants to keep everything she could possess, if society wants her to be a different woman, then that's what she'll be.

But deep down,

Those ideas were never fit for her.

And she realizes that in Oz.

The Muddler/the (Muddled) Scarecrow

Role: companion (love interest?), heart

Archetype: the Lover

Replacing: The Scarecrow

The Muddler is a man (with a question mark) who has been struggling with his self-image for an obviously long amount of time, he is desperate to cling onto a semblance of convention and has a strong desire to be as good a husband he can be, though he takes over his wife's duties alot of the time. He is a cowardly but kind man, interested in his collection and his friends and family, wanting only what's best for everyone and wanting them to be safe and happy and absolutely loathes to argue or even disagree. He and Fuzzy relate to eachother greatly, perhaps more than they really realize at first, as the two reciprocate alot of the love and affection they both lacked growing up. There's a strong sense of insecurity underneath him, maybe even a fear of himself, he always uses terms of politeness like 'excuse me' and 'sorry' even if they're unnecessary, Fuzzy is slowly realizing that he's crouching and slouching all the time for some reason. He says he misses home sometimes, that he hopes his lost parents would return from their spring cleaning adventure one day (but Fuzzy has a hunch they may be deceased at this point but never tells him), that his uncle took care of him since he was 8, but he is happy to be with his wife. He'd do anything for her.

The Scarecrow is a strange being who was created by a farmer couple in a cornfield a few years ago who then disappeared for unknown reasons. The farm was taken over by a man by the name of Farmer Fredrickson who put forget-me-nots and marigold in his saucepan's hat all sad-like, but the Scarecrow couldn't understand why. He always had trouble, well, scaring crows, as he always found them too frightful and strange to put up a fight and protect his cornfield, so he goes along with Fuzzy to Moonstone City so that the Wizard can give him the nerve to scare those nasty crows like he was meant to. Scarecrow is a very kind soul and is always willing to help Fuzzy in any way he could, he's too shy to disagree or point something out but over the course of the journey he starts to speak up and go against any mean comments made towards his friends, culminating in his sacrifice (that he survives). In the end, he learns to stand tall and speak against the ultimate authority that is Wizard Jones.

The Joxter/the Tinman (Jokester)

Role: companion, lancer

Archetype: the Jester

Replacing: The Tinman

The Joxter is a very mysterious character to Fuzzy, she knows he cares about Muddler and he isn't fond of her, he makes sarcastic and snide comments from time to time, he's Mymble's newest lover, he hates park keepers... and that's about all she can extrapolate from this cat-like enigma who sleeps in a tree all day. Muddler explains that they've been "really close friends" since Muddler was 12 or so and Joxter is a really nice and caring guy once you get to know him, but of course, Fuzzy doubts Joxter will ever let her know him. And he confuses her, really, she sees Muddler as dog-like while Joxter is cat-like, she isn't even sure those two things can ever co-exist, let alone be good friends. How very strange the Joxter is. Later, when she wakes up from her adventure, she learns that what Muddler said about Joxter is true, as he was extremely worried for her the whole time.

The Tinman is a woodsman/fisherman (couldn't decide) who was in love with the Mayor. He lived in a bright forest along the golden brick road but then strange wooden planks with black markings on them started appearing everywhere and he wants to know what they mean. Turns out they're signs and he can't understand them, so to fix the issue and know what's going on he wants a brain to read the signs, and thus he joins Fuzzy and the Scarecrow on their journey to the Wizard instead of letting either of them read the signs for him as "it would be better if he did it himself". Tinman is very snarky and isn't afraid to put his foot down when he senses something unfair, he seems a bit rude for Fuzzy and she believed for a time that Tinman should've desired a heart instead, but then she realizes soon that he avoided making comments against Scarecrow because he understood him and thought to be openly kind to him. He isn't a very open being especially to Fuzzy as she is a complete foreigner to Oz and defensive around him, but later he opens up about his feelings and makes Fuzzy realize she had thought of him wrong this whole time and that he's just scared of being thought of as dumb and useless because he wasn't able to read on how own, and with this he finally lets Fuzzy teach him how to read slowly but surely. Tinman reminds Fuzzy alot of her old self, "self-sufficient", stubborn, confident and unwilling to let anyone in on his business, but he learns to soften and better himself with the gentle support and guidance Fuzzy wishes she had instead of the things her family had done to her, and so the Tinman realizes he was smarter than he thought he was and that he doesn't need to hide behind a veil of independence all the time.

The Moomin/the (Prideful) Lion

Role: companion, big guy

Archetype: the Hero

Replacing: The Cowardly Lion

The Lion is a philosopher type animal who was found and raised by the Grim Witch of the North since he was a cub, she was often cruel and treated him as a pet, so when he got old enough he ran away and started his own kingdom (it isn't much yet, but he's trying), he still has the number 13 tag from her as a reminder of his roots. Lion has realized the problem as to why his kingdom is so small, and that he wasn't taught love or kindness while growing up with the Northern Witch, so he tags along the complete the 4 man band so he can wish for a heart. He has an enormous ego despite his upbringing, he thinks of himself as superior to others as he believes he's naturally meant to be the king of the jungle, but nobody truly likes him because he's so utterly self-centered and only thinks highly of the man who helped him a long time ago, Farmer Fredrickson, but deep down he is extremely insecure. He fancies himself a philosopher, he enjoys talking alot and asking strange existential questions about the reality of Oz, and he does seem genuinely scholarly in this, he also respects anyone similar to his status such as Wizard Jones. Over the course of the journey, Tinman beats it over his head that the Lion needs to drop his ego and start caring about other people's thoughts for once, he slowly learns with the help of his friends to be a kinder creature. In the end, he realizes what a cruel man Jones really is.

Fuzzy frankly knows a little too much about Moomin because he talks so much about himself. He was left at the doorstep of an isolated orphanage one august night in a "jewel studded basket and soft warm blankets" (but that part seems to suspiciously change everytime) and was taken in by a rather cruel hemulen who cleaned her children more than she kissed them. He was not allowed to do frivolous child things and asked far too many questions for anyone at the Orphanage's liking, and he spent alot of his time dwelling in self-loathing. After an ice sheet incident that made him feel truly alive for once in his life, he had decided to escape the orphanage, met a hedgehog, met Hodgkins, blah blah blah you probably read his Memoirs and Fuzzy has practically done the same thing but orally, straight from the young Moomin's mouth. Moomin is what you'd call the most interesting person, maybe not objectively so but he's the one creature anyone knows the most about if he's willing to talk to them for any amount of time and he would talk nonstop about anything that he finds of interest and question the fundamentals of reality until it gives you headache just trying to answer one question, especially if you haven't received a formal education like Fuzzy. It's obvious he's craving for attention and a sense of adventure but doesn't have anyone to provide that for him, making him seem a bit... Desperate and lonely. He does have a girlfriend he's absolutely smitten with and will sing praises every chance he gets. All in all he's a decent guy but often exhausting to be around.

Jane/the Wicked Witch of the West

Role: Main antagonist

Replacing: The Wicked Witch of the West

Jane (or as you may know her better as, Aunt Jane) is a millionairess from England who is visiting for some business expense that Fuzzy learns of later, she seems generally uninterested and snobbish but ultimately harmless and minding her own business and nobody knows her. Fuzzy projects alot about her mother onto Jane because she mildly reminds Fuzzy of her and she is convinced that Jane would want something of hers or that she is somehow working with her family beyond all reasonable understanding and Fuzzy very much would like to avoid her because of that. Turns out she's only there to fund one of Hodgkins' new projects because Jones' is a bit of a crappy king and Hodgkins and Jane were close childhood friends.

The Wicked Witch of the West is a straight up business woman with magic who just wants to go through with whatever she has to do even though her business partner is dead, if that means killing Fuzzy to get the brooch back then so be it. Literally nobody likes her as a person, not even the Niblings she gained under her control or her guards, the only control she has over them is through using money or jewelry. She laments alot about nobody liking her and being lonely and has a habit of talking to herself all the time, sometimes even to the head of her umbrella. The Western Witch is about as pathetic and humorous as a rich business woman can get as she honestly doesn't know how to handle taking the brooch back from Fuzzy, but what she does know is that Fuzzy is also very pathetic as a person.

The Autocrat, Daddy or King Jones/the Wonderful Wizard, Jones

Role: Antagonist, royalty

Replacing: The Wizard of Oz

The Autocrat is a very... Odd ruler. He towers over literally everyone in his kingdom even when he sits down on his giant throne and speaks to his subjects by calling them an idiot every other sentence. He's fun-loving, sure, but sometimes his practical jokes are funny only to him and it gets really annoying rather quickly but he lacks the listening skills to think otherwise. Fuzzy doesn't know much about him, he's been ruling for longer than her grandparents lived and his massive size would be cause for intimadation for a small animal like Fuzzy. He's jolly, but not kind.

Jones hid behind a veil of intimidating mysticism and magic for a long time, it's only recently when he hired Farmer Frederickson that he concocted the whole wizard schtick to dupe anyone into fixing problems for him and news spread fast of the wonderful wizard who can grant anything. He presents himself as this larger than life floating head behind the curtains but after the jig is up he's just a nervous and lanky little jerk who's willing to do the bare minimum to get everyone off his back. He offers to go on the hot air balloon with Fuzzy just to see what this autocracy is about but basically got kicked out via balloon ride as he screams for someone to help, "good riddens to that crook!" is all anyone could think.

The Mymble/the Mayor

Role: helper, minor character

Replacing: Glynda the Good Witch (partially)

The Mayor is a large jolly woman running a hamlet of small people that look like very small children, every word coming out of her mouth is as jolly as one could say it and she knows no fear of the Eastern and Western Witches, only considering them a minor annoyance in her otherwise very happy land of Mymlia. She bids farewell to the Fuzzy as she sets off on her journey and comes back for the balloon take off, of which she finds the situation absolutely hilarious. The Mayor loves hugs and would give Fuzzy a big ol' bear hug farewell twice.

The Mymble is a large jolly woman who Fuzzy has known for most of her life now, why she has so many fleeting lovers and children is far beyond Fuzzy's understanding and all she can do is deal with it as she stares in horror and pity for the children who might have to go through her childhood but far worse. Mymble loves Fuzzy dearly as a friend and is super supportive of her at every turn, even if she's a rather forgetful mother. Still, Fuzzy enjoys her presence somewhat even if she's very exhausting to be around for more than a minute. She knows no care and finds her newest lover, Joxter, to be a very amusing man.

The Mymble's Daughter/The Mayor's Daughter or the Little Girl

Role: helper, minor character

Replacing: Horse carriage rider

The Mymble's Daughter is Mymble's eldest child and a spry youth at that, she has a knack for lying for her own amusement even if it's completely unnecessary. She dreams of becoming a mymble independent from her family and finding her own fleeting lovers along the way.

The Mayor's Daughter (initially known as the Little Girl) is a guide to the gang as they travel across Moonstone City to meet the Wizard, she speaks of gossip and trade secrets to anyone not in the know and does it very happily like her mother. She came to Moonstone City to become independent from the hamlet of Mymlia and absolutely loves it in the city.

Miss Moomin/the Good Witch of the South

Role: helper, minor character

Replacing: Glynda the Good Witch (partially)

Miss Moomin is a person who is very new to Fuzzy, she is a kind young lady but shows alot of womanly worry for her appearance as she tries to get over the habit of busting out her makeup from her purse and Fuzzy hopes to find some solidarity in that. She shows alot of interest in things Fuzzy is also interested in, such as sewing or knitting, but she is more of a quintessential housewife than Fuzzy will ever be. She finds Moomin a very charming young lad.

The Southern Witch enters the fray after Jones has already flown away on the hot air balloon and his screams are but a distant cry, she is a bit of a Mary Poppins type happily handing out gifts from her magic purse and telling Fuzzy that her means of going home has been the brooch the whole time. She's a very comforting presence and assures Fuzzy that she understands her struggles and that she's sorry she had to go through everything, the whole adventure, her family, everything. But home isn't like that anymore, she's free to love and be loved. This gives Fuzzy the willpower she needs to go home after some hesitance.

Samuel Fredrikson Hodgkins/Farmer Fredrickson

Role: Mysterious minor character

Replacing: None, he's an addition

Hodgkins is a mystery to Fuzzy, he's always busy being the royal inventor and she doesn't know what to make of him, Muddler and Moomin say he's a really cool guy who's helped them in more ways than one but on his rare visits all she sees is an very intimidating stoic man who isn't interested in talking very much. She is baffled that he's related to Muddler in any way. All she really knows of him personally is that he's the one who built the Amphibian.

Farmer Fredrickson is a mystery that everyone talks about but Fuzzy never sees until the very end, they say she should look forward to meeting him sometime but there's a strange ache in her stomach everytime she thinks about it. Apparently he took over a farm that belonged to the couple that made Scarecrow and was a mentor to Lion for some time before disappearing to Moonstone City, where he built the machine that lets Wizard Jones project a giant talking head for his scheme, and then he built the hot air balloon that was supposed to send Fuzzy home. Fuzzy does get to meet him in the balloon ceremony where he lets go of the rope holding the hot air balloon down and waves stoically at Jones as he flies off, Fuzzy was going to talk to him but... Even a glance from him made her shut up.

The Niblings

Role: disposable henchmen

Replacing: The Flying Monkies

The Niblings are kinda gross and sticky creatures who are absolutely devastating to anything in their wake as they'll eat it, including flesh. They used to belong to the Eastern Witch before she got crushed by the house, then they transferred over to the Western Witch to be used as pawns for her scheme to get the brooch. They don't talk and are easily disposable.

The Guards

Role: disposable henchmen or minor characters

Replacing: the Guards

The Guards are just a group of people trying to get by being paid by the fabulously wealthy Western Witch, when they're not being bossed around to kidnap the gang they're just a bunch of guys who want money for their family.

The Hemulen Aunt/the Wretched Witch of the East

Role: minor character

Replacing: the Wicked Witch of the East

Fuzzy only knows the Hemulen Aunt through the bedazzled framed portrait she sent on her wedding day, which Fuzzy took to almost immediately taking the jewels out of the frame for her own shiny collection. She kind of feels bad for doing that to such a gift but Moomin tells her she was a rather annoying lady, it helps her feel better somewhat but not really.

The Eastern Witch is a business partner to the Western Witch and she's been "annoying" the Mayor's hamlet for some time before getting crushed and having the brooch stolen by Fuzzy, Fuzzy still feels rather guilty and being celebrated for it didn't quite help, especially with the Western Witch chasing after her for it.

The Hemulen (Orphanage Principal)/The Grim Witch of the North

Role: only mentioned

Replacing: None, she's an addition

A lady from Moomin's stories who took him into the orphanage when he was a wee lad, the Hemulen seems like a pretty mean woman to Fuzzy.

A lady from the Lion's story, the Grim Witch seeked out exotic pets for her wealth and treated them very poorly.

Conclusion

So yeah that's about it! Thank you for reading if you've made it this far and happy Halloween!

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starfallskitter · 4 years ago

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The Guardian Alya Theory

Hi! Didn't expect to be writing Miraculous theory again so quickly, but I have an idea in my head that I needed to get out there. So hear me out.

Warning: major spoilers for Season 4 all throughout this theory. Specifically Gang of Secrets, Optigami, Truth, Furious Fu, Mr Pigeon 72... just, most of them.

In short, the theory is this: Marinette will discover that she can't be both Ladybug and the Guardian at the same time, and will make Alya the Guardian. Marinette's memory will be wiped and she will spend a few episodes re-learning how to be Ladybug, and re-learning Chat Noir, which will obviously change their relationship.

This means Alya will know who Chat Noir is. And I think, for a brief time before her memory is wiped, Marinette will know as well. Meaning: temporary one-sided reveal!

Now, here's all the evidence, below the cut.

There's a fundamental problem with Ladybug and the Guardian being the same person. There's the stress it places on Marinette, sure, and the Guardian certainly can have a Miraculous and use it, but the problem is right here:

Someone has to be the link between civilian identities, and right now Plagg and Tikki are the only ones who know- and that's useless when both heros are transformed. The Guardian needs to know the identity of both Ladybug and Chat Noir. And if there's one thing that the show has absolutely beaten into us by now...

It's that they can't know each others.

So, there's a fundamental tension here. Marinette is currently putting all of her focus on being the Guardian, on working with the kwamis and figuring things out about the Miracle Box; and as her plans increasingly involve her role as Guardian, using kwamis or the fact that Alya knows her civilian identity, she's not quite being Ladybug properly. She's not doing right by Chat Noir, because now, as her plans are increasingly involving things she as Marinette and/or she as the Guardian have access to, and Chat Noir is not knowingly included in either of those, he is being ousted. It turns out she still needs him (or Plagg, in Mr Pigeon 72) for her plans, but her relationship with him is suffering.

He says in Truth that he doesn't mind her being the Guardian as long as it doesn't change things between them:

Except it is changing, and it has been bothering him. Just look at his face when he realises (or more accurately, assumes) the akuma has been defeated without him in Optigami:

He is not happy.

I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone at this point that Ladybug is ousting Chat Noir and he's upset by it. At this point in the series he's doing okay about it, still managing to keep up a front and hoping this is temporary. Which, according to this theory, it is. Honestly, no matter how this goes, it's not going to make Chat happy, because in this theory, the ending won't please him. We'll get to that.

So Marinette can't be Guardian and Ladybug at the same time. So, she has to give one up.

She may try to give up being Ladybug, but I'm not convinced this will happen. She may try to give over guardianship to Su Han, but I'm also not convinced by this- it's not narratively interesting and seems to contradict the conclusion of Furious Fu. So, what might she do?

Well, there's a clear answer. Someone who's already helping figure out important features of the Miraculouses, who was able to figure out a whole new power of the Ladybug Miraculous:

And who has good investigative powers to reveal more secrets? Who is already heavily invested in the superheros? Who already knows that Marinette is Ladybug and is already helping her?

And who has Marinette possibly already said she's training up to be Guardian?

Now, whether she's reffering to being Ladybug or being the Guardian here is unclear. I've seen most interpretations suggesting she means Ladybug, and from the wording in this case it honestly seems like both; but it could definitely be either. And in the context of this theory, if we assume she means Guardian, then it's clear that Marinette is already noticing that Alya would make a good Guardian.

So, let's put the pieces together.

Premise: Ladybug and Chat Noir cannot know each other's identity until this Hawkmoth is defeated. Premise: The Guardian must know both Ladybug and Chat Noir's identity. Conclusion: Ladybug and the Guardian cannot be the same person at this point in time. (Chat Noir can't be either).

Premise: Ladybug and the Guardian cannot be the same person at this point in time. Premise: Alya would be a good Guardian. Premise: Marinette either will not, or should not, give up being Ladybug. Conclusion: Marinette will make Alya the Guardian.

There are two complications with this plan. One is in Alya being the Guardian, and one is in Marinette giving it up.

The complication with Alya being the guardian is that Hawkmoth knows her identity. He knows she's Rena Rouge, and as of Optigami knows that Rena Rouge is special as opposed to the other holders. This appears to not be stopping Marinette giving her the Miraculous, but obviously, based on the events of late season 3, it's more of a complication in her being the Guardian. She has, like, parents, and can't hide like Master Fu could.

A possible solution is some kind of trickery, in which they make it look like Alya has lost her miraculous, and make it seem like Ladybug's still the Guardian. I mean, Alya's miraculous is illusion-based, and this could be interesting if it's post one-sided reveal discussed below. I'm sure there are other solutions as well, but off the top of my head I'd assume that would be the plan. Perhaps the Box is camoflaged such that finding out what of Alya's is the Miracle Box at all would be a challenge. There's a lot of possibility.

The other complication: Marinette would lose all memory of the Miraculouses.

Now, it's presumed here that the way the memory loss works is that it happens every time (and it's not like the appearance of the box, or kwamis being in/out of it, in that it's a factor of what the owner believes), and that the memory loss only applies to the Miraculouses and the kwamis and all of that, and doesn't affect other memories- which seems to be Fu's experience of it, after all. He doesn't remember Marinette because he only ever knew her as Ladybug, but he seemed to remember the unrelated Marianne fine.

This means that if Marinette loses guardianship, she'll remember Alya, Adrien, her family, etc... but nothing about Ladybug, Chat Noir, Hawkmoth, Tikki, any of that.

Which means:

-She'll have to spend some amount of time re-learning how to be Ladybug, who Chat Noir is, etc. all of that. Chat Noir will probably be able to fill her in on all of this, and so will Alya and Tikki, so it won't take so long.

-She gets a total reset on her relationship with Chat Noir. Which I highly doubt he'll be happy with- but it might change her view of him. I say it might change her view of him because mainly, while their relationship has been pretty consistent, she definitely is starting to like him more in this season, seeing him differently- and I largely think that that's due to a change in circumstance, as Marinette can only trust so many people in her life:

But I think an important part of Adrien's character recently is that we've seen less dichotomy between Adrien and Chat Noir. His true personality is a little of both, but he puts both on to play various roles; but honestly, I've noticed some more of Adrien in Chat Noir, and some more of Chat Noir in Adrien. He's being more honest with himself around some people, the self we only really see him being with Plagg, which he was trying to be with Kagami and is increasingly being with Marinette. It's hard to provide specific examples, though.

But if Marinette's first impressions of Chat Noir are just a touch more Adrien-like than they were, perhaps her feelings towards him will change- without losing that aspect of trust. I know I'm being very vague here, but there's a lot of potential and it'll take a lot more episodes of this season than we've seen to predict how this might go.

It's also possible that Marinette will remember Chat Noir when she met him as Marinette. Then we might get some great Marichat, or her only having knowledge of him as that boy who came to her ledge or she fake-dated. Which would be interesting. It's not totally clear how this will work if it occurs, so it's up to the writers really.

So that situation provides a lot of angst: Ladybug forgetting Chat Noir. But what comes before her forgetting Chat Noir could be something really interesting. After all, if the Guardian must know Chat Noir's identity, perhaps Marinette will try that first. Adrien will, of course, trust her completely.

Cue at least one episode where Marinette knows that Chat Noir and Adrien are the same person (while Adrien not knowing the reverse). Cue Ladrien. And, right after that, an episode that revolves around Ladybug erasing those memories. While Alya knows everything that just happened. And that Chat Noir is Adrien. And she can't tell Marinette this as she has to re-teach her how to be Ladybug. Honestly, if any character knows what we as the audience know about the Love Square, it makes perfect sense that it's Alya.

In conclusion: angsty season finale that ends with Alya knowing everything, Chat Noir Very Upset, Ladybug getting a memory reset, and just generally everything changing? It's more likely than you think.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug theory #miraculous ladybug analysis #miraculous ladybug spoilers #ml #ml spoilers #ml theory #ml analysis #alya cesaire #marinette dupain-cheng #ladybug #chat noir #adrien agreste #rena rogue #miraculous

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justice4harwin · 4 years ago

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Light’s Corruption- Chapter V

Pairing: The DarklingxAlina

Summary:With few friends at the Little Palace, Alina must work to win the favour of her fellow grisha and their commander, who makes her feel light headed every time she sees him.

After training in Os Alta for two years, the king grows tired of waiting and demands the Sun Summoner joins a western post near the Fjerdan border along with the rest of The Second Army to test her abilities.

Something happens. Suddenly, Alina wants blood to run down the rivers and those who stand in her and The Darkling’s way will be blinded by her light and swallowed by his shadows.

It won’t be pretty

Rating: 18+

Click here for chapter 4

As usual, tags are in the comments. If you dont wanna be tagged, dont be afraid to let me know. If you wanna be tagged, let me know too. I dont bite...anymore lmao

Chapter 5: Heartrenders

Days went by, and they turned into weeks. The leaves fell off the trees, a crunchy sea of red, orange, yellow and brown, and Alina wanted to pile them all on and throw herself inside.

She'd do it the first chance she got, but for that she had to beat the gardeners before they took the piles and burnt them to depressing ashes.

She talked to Michail some more during they rounds around the lake and had her rematch with Natasha.

She lost. Again. She laughed it off. Again. Natasha said she hadn't been so easy to defeat that second time, to which Alina smiled almost genuinely. Progress.

Baghra refused to see her still, and Alina was too proud to go back to her, so she tried to practice on her own. She'd hide away on the far sides of the gardens where the other grisha rarely went to and try to gain more control. It was a slow process; the temptation to let her power run free and vast was always there and trying to tame that always left her exhausted. She had no trouble falling asleep, yet each day the bags underneath her eyes seemed to deepen, as did her appetite. Alina was pretty sure that summoning should be for the better, but more than once, she had thoroughly considered laying down on the cold grass and take a nap there instead of walking all the way back to the Little Palace.

The General wasn't back yet, and much to Alina's confusion, frustration and shame, she worried. Maybe that too had something to do with the bags underneath her eyes. She tended to dream of him in all kinds of scenarios, each less pleasant than the last. It made her wake up sweaty and choking for air.

More than once, she almost wrote to him, only if just to make sure he was alright. But he had to be. Otherwise, word would've spread quickly…right?

She always talked herself out of it though. His presence was missed, her mind was making up all kind of tricks to make her reach out to him like a pathetic girl begging for attention.

The thought reminded her of Baghra's opinion of her, which only strengthened her resolve to not write to him.

She had had enough of begging, enough of getting scrapes of affection from a man who hadn't even bother to write once; she wouldn't do it again, no matter how much her heart tried to pull her to him.

But then her eyes would drift back to the black, shadow rose that laid on her nightstand, the little bit of gold on its inside long dead, and her heart would race and some form of reassurance would fall gently over her, like a blanket shielding her body.

She'd reach out and take it in her hands. It had no thorns. Her fingers would run through its petals, as soft as those of a real rose, but with something deeper in there. There was something more alive inside that rose than in any flower in all of Ravka; it was deep, powerful, and dark. It scared and alluded to her in the same measure, and she'd stare at it fascinated for an unfathomable long time.

She wondered if The Darkling could feel her caressing his shadows; and how he'd feel about it.

Besides Michail and Natasha, Alina didn’t seem to be progressing very much. They exchanged niceties and some jokes, even paired up during training, but there was not much more to it.

She told herself to be patient. These things took time.

One early afternoon, Genya showed up on her room unannounced. Alina hurried to hide her rose inside her nightstand; she wasn't sure why, but she wanted it to be her little secret.

"The Queen just left Os Alta." the redhead smiled. "As did the king. They'll be gone for two days on a hunting trip."

"A hunting trip?"

"Yes, where they kill animals for the fun of it. Like one of those brutish size competitions men seem to like so much."

Alina snorted.

"So?"

"So…"there was a gleam to her friend's eyes, and the summoner leaned back and frowned slightly, almost scared. "I could sneak you into the Grand Palace and into Her Royal Bitch's wardrobe."

"We'll get in trouble, Gen."

"Oh, please; have some faith in me." she placed her elbows on the desk and her chin atop of her hands, almost looking angelic. "Do you really think I'd get you in trouble?"

"Yes."

"Well, then you're wrong." she straightened up and tugged on Alina's arm. "C'mon; there's so many gowns and habits: she rarely wears them twice. We're not stealing; no one will know."

"How many gowns?" she asked, genuinely curious. She had seen the queen on two official occasions, the first time when she arrived from the camps near Kribirsk, and the second when she was invited to her ridiculous tea parade. Still, she had seen her in passing a few times as she strolled the grounds. A part of Alina felt ashamed of the jealousy she felt upon seeing her beautiful clothes and jewels.

There she was, living in a palace, wearing a kefta and being pampered, yet she dared to want more.

"Hundreds!" the Tailor whispered excitedly. "And they'll look much better on us anyway."

She gave in a little to temptation. They would just try them on and leave them again. No one would know, and maybe she'd be satisfied then.

"Alright, alright. But we better not get caught."

"Don't worry, we won't."

They left the bedroom and ran down the stairs, Genya holding onto the blue sleeve of her friend as she rambled about all the different fabrics and patterns and accessories while Alina tried to keep up with her, listening to every word while watching her step. The last thing she needed was to trip down the stairs.

That'd be a sad way to go for her.

"You'll love it. I promise!" Genya turned to give her a smile, but Alina's eyes drifted to the looming figure appearing in her line of vision.

The Darkling walked into the Little Palace accompanied by Ivan, Fedyor and a third heartrender.

It was a woman, a little bit older than Alina probably, but only for a few years. She was tall, with long, brown hair cascading down her back. Her kefta, which hugged her rounded figure nicely, gave her away as a fellow heartrender.

The Darkling noticed them approaching. Alina tried to search something in his eyes, anything that gave away any sort of emotion that could cause in him to see her again, but she saw nothing but his usual coolness.

The Summoner and the Tailor came to a stop and bowed.

"Moi Soverennyi." they bowed respectfully.

"Miss Starkov, Miss Safin; it has been some time." he looked from one to the other. "May I inquire as to your present activities?"

"Nothing we're not supposed to do." Alina spat out, earning herself a dainty elbow to the ribs.

General Kirigan rose an eyebrow.

"I see. See to it that it stays that way."

"Of course, sir." spoke Genya, serious all of a sudden.

The man turned and contemplated the strange woman for a moment, then gestured at Alina with a gloved hand.

"This is Alina Starkov, our Sun Summoner." he looked at her, those pools of grey catching her breath. "Miss Starkov, may I introduce you to Nina Zenik. She is one of my best agents and has just recently returned from an assignment in Shu Han."

The woman's green eyes settled on Alina, taking her in. Something glittered in there.

"So, she is real after all."

"Would I lie to you?" was The Darkling's reply.

"You forgot to mention how pretty she is." Nina ignored him, taking a long, stealth step towards her and catching a tendril of Alina's dark hair in her fingers.

"Um, it's a pleasure to meet you." The Sun Summoner managed to say, nervous under the woman scrutiny.

"Oh, a pleasure indeed, sun bean." Nina smiled, amusement shining in her eyes as Alina's face heated up. "I can't wait to make your acquaintance."

Before Alina could even think of an answer -for the woman's pretty eyes were too distracting- The Darkling cleared his throat.

"Not for some time, I am afraid." he said. Alina finally turned her gaze to him. There was something dark and intense in the way he was staring at Nina's back, his jaw tense. "Miss Starkov has quite the busy schedule."

Alina felt Genya tensing beside her. Nina's eyes slid momentarily, as if she could see The Darkling behind her, and nodded, winking at her before receding.

"Certainly. I can only imagine." she turned a charming smile on him. "Should we discuss my mission in private?"

"Of course." he answered almost, almost too quickly. He made a gesture for her to go in first.

"See you around, sun bean."

Alina choked on her own saliva as she struggled to say her farewell.

Ivan left with them without even glancing in their direction; Fedyor was kind enough to give them each a courteous smile.

Genya was giggling like an idiot.

"Shut up."

Now she was laughing.

During their training one day, Alina decided to pair up with her. Many grisha gave her a myriad of odd looks, and for a moment, Alina feared she might be about to face another Zoya.

Nina seemed to not to notice them and beckoned her forward.

People seemed to like Nina, Alina observed. The woman had charm and wit; the Sun Summoner really had to try to not get jealous of those traits. She reminded herself that Nina had been at the Little Palace for years, not one season and a half.

They circled each other, taking their measures.

Alina didn't want to be the one to strike first. That always had seemed to go wrong thus far, so she waited.

The heartrender went to the left, so Alina turned, only to be tricked as she received a blow on her right. She winced and stood back, more alert. She didn't want to make a ridicule again.

"You're small and skinny." the heartrender whispered. Alina arched an eyebrow. "I'm bigger and stronger, so your best option is to tire me out."

"I'm not exactly the fastest person."

Nina threw a punch and, luckily, Alina blocked it successfully.

She shook her head.

"Speed and resistance don't need to go hand in hand."

Alina didn't dare to look around to see if anyone else could hear them. She hoped not. Botkin would most certainly disapprove of his students giving each other advice on how to defeat them.

So, with Nina's words in mind, Alina did her best to block and recede. She tried, mostly unsuccessfully, to punch and kick, and received a wince and an "ouch" as Nina rubbed her calf.

The Summoner could feel everyone still watching, Marie and Nadia cheering her on; Sergei and Michail more reserved since she was fighting a fellow red sporter.

Then, Alina caught a glimpse. It was a second, and before she even knew it, she was taking a chance.

Nina was placing her foot down, twisting it as if to test it, and the next she was laying on her back, Alina having all but hurled herself at the woman, grabbing her middle section with all her strength and pushing.

They landed on the ground, and in the disbelief, the Summoner almost forgot to fully immobilize her opponent the way Botkin had taught her.

"You know," Nina gasped, the breath having abandoned her lungs. "There's better ways to get on top of me, sun bean, but if you like it rough-"

Alina blushed in embarrassment, both for having potentially hurt her and for the path those words were leading to.

"Are you alright?" she interrupted hurriedly. "Did I hurt you?"

Nina tried to laugh and cried instead.

"Shit, sun bean. You do have some strength in that tiny body after all."

"Alright!" Botkin clapped his hands twice, coming over toward them. "The little girl wins again, …finally."

Alina was almost offended. At least Marie and Nadia were cheering, as were some others Etherealki. She noticed Sergei and Michail exchanging some coins and scowled.

"Healer." she called, and one hurried to Nina's side.

"It's just a broken rib." the woman said, setting herself to work.

Nina raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I'm impressed, sun bean. I didn't actually think you'd win."

Alina found a new hiding spot where to practice her summoning. It was a most secluded corner, surrounded by old trees, an unkept stone bench and a dirty sculpture of a woman.

She really wanted to be offended.

With eyes wide, she forgot all about her practice, raced and jumped in, laughing childishly to herself.

She looked up and took in the warmth of the sun with pleasure, her face basking in it as her hands ran through leaves and sticks. It was actually a little uncomfortable, but fun.

She almost wished she could sink in and stay there forever, with the sun warming her body and the crunchy leaves all around her.

There was a big pile of leaves.

"Did you fall?"

A shadow took the light from her face, and she found The Darkling standing over her, looking down with something akin to curiosity.

"No. I just jumped."

"Into a pile of dirt?"

"It's not dirt. Besides, it's fun!" she extended a hand. "Wanna try?"

He huffed. Her cheeks heated up. She should've known better.

He took her hand and pulled her up, the mere contact making everything about him feel more intense as usual.

She held onto him.

"How did you find me?"

"You are my Sun Summoner; did you really think I would let you wander about the palace grounds unguarded?"

"Do you have me followed?" she had never noticed.

"For your safety."

"I thought this was the safest place in all of Ravka."

"I am not taking any chances with you, Alina." he replied, eyes guarded, face soft.

"Well, I've never noticed them."

"It means they are doing a good job. I would not want you to live scared, looking over your shoulder all the time."

"I might as well start now that I know."

He opened his mouth and then closed it, thumb rubbing the back of her hand. Alina wondered if he noticed what he was doing.

"You are right." he stepped closer, pulling a leaf off her hair. "But you need not fear, especially while I am on the palace grounds."

"Because not even the dumbest drüskelle would dare to cross paths with you?"

"Nor would the boldest noble."

Alina frowned. The nobles of Os Alta?

She nodded slowly.

"I have scared you." he stated, studying her face. "I apologize."

"No, no." she let go of his hand. "You just made me wearier."

"That is just how life at court is." he offered, not unkindly. "This is not just an army sometimes, especially for you and I."

Alina looked at him, questioning.

"There is no one else like us, Alina." he said, approaching her once more. The calmness, the facts were gone, replaced by a fire she wanted to step into. The vehemence in his voice made her shiver and want to take refuge in his cloak. "There never will be."

She thought about it. What exactly did he mean by that?

He reached out again and plucked another leaf from her hair, then took her face in his hands. She tilted her head up, desperate for a look into those eyes.

Her heart drummed on her ribcage, wanting to break free.

"I-" words failed her as he studied her face, like she was something unique he wanted to memorize.

His thumb ran over her lips, and she exhaled heavily at the feel.

"I forgot what I came here to tell you." he whispered in confidence, his eyes on her parted lips.

"I don't care."

One of his hands left her face and wrapped around her waist, pressing her against his hard chest. Alina almost gasped, hands coming up to rest on his shoulders. He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, hiding the conflict she had briefly witnessed there.

Alina made a choice.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

He reciprocated immediately, holding her tighter and pushing his tongue inside her mouth, demanding a dominance she was more than willing to give him.

She had been kissed, but never like this. It was a first kiss that felt like the last; its intensity so beautifully crushing and chaotic. It was like he was a missing part of her, long searched for and finally found. It was like she was the most precious, addictive treasure, something to be cherished and corrupted at the same time.

Alina was willing to let him do as he wanted with her.

Her hands pulled at his hair, earning a growl. Their eyes met briefly, the desire in them fighting to see whose was grander, before kissing again.

It was like he wanted to pull her closer still, the barrier of clothes too much. Something told Alina that the lack of them wouldn't satisfy either of them anyways.

He kissed her jaw, travelling his way up to her earlobe.

"You make me weak." he whispered harshly, only to proceed to ravish the parts of her neck that were exposed.

"You make me strong." she answered, craning her neck to give him better access.

Growling, he gave her ass a hard squeeze and pushed her back against a tree. She could feel the tug and crunches of the leaves as he buried his hands in her hair but didn't care.

She wanted more.

And more.

She drew his lips back to hers. He reached for the belt which held her kefta closed.

"Sir!"

The next thing Alina knew was that she was standing against a tree, her back aching and her body cold, yet her face hot.

She looked at The Darkling, who seemed almost unperturbed as he smoothly fixed his hair and clothes, standing at a respectable distance from her.

Ivan appeared, seeming to be in a hurry.

Alina narrowed her eyes at him. As if she didn't dislike him enough already, the little shit.

"Moi Soverennyi, you are needed in the king's counsel immediately."

"Tell that grump I shall be there shortly."

Ivan bowed and left, not even acknowledging Alina's presence.

The Darkling cleared his throat. She turned her dark gaze on him, cheeks burning against the cold air, lips probably bruised.

What had just happened?

She wasn't sure, but she wanted to do it again. The Darkling, on the other hand, remained stoic as he stared into her eyes, as if nothing had occurred between them.

"I understand that you have been training on your own;" he said, as if he were talking to any other grisha, ever polite and smooth, voice reassuring yet commanding." I shall speak to Baghra so you may return to your lessons."

"But I don't wann-"

With him gone, the early winter sun felt cold.

"Miss Starkov." he bowed to her respectfully and marched away, disappearing from view within seconds.

Click here for chapter 6

#shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone #Alina starkov #the darkling #aleksander morozova #darkling x alina #alina x aleksander #alina x darkling #genya safin #nina zenik #fedyor kaminsky #fanfic

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