#Because then my mom shows up and moves them for some reason. A shelf would stop this madness.

[loveletterworm]

Having my commissions closed in anticipation of being busy is starting to seem really bad right now (<- no job) but i'm going to actually start being really really busy literally tomorrow so I probably can't reopen them at this point now. Does anyone want to give me like 40 dollars for no reason in exchange for nothing even though there's obviously far better uses of 40 dollars constantly surrounding you from all angles all the time. Should I like start selling IOUs for drawings and then we can all be really miserable when I have to draw all of them at once at least a month later when the money is already gone (The cruel nature of groceries)

[detentiontrack]

I did not grow up with cats. I was solidly a dog person. I was never planning on getting a cat until CZ showed up and I fell in love with him. Here are some things I did not know about cats and freaked out about until I learned they were normal cat behaviors (shout out to all my friends with cats that I would panic message whenever my kitty did something unexpected like “IS THIS NORMAL???”)

I knew cats purred, but I did not know how LOUD it was. When CZ got comfortable with me and started purring, I got freaked out thinking he had a breathing problem and was wheezing, until I learned that some cats just sound like little motorcycles.

Cats randomly bite for no reason. CZ bites when I get out of the shower or just for funsies, and I thought he hated me.

Cats like to hide places. He constantly hid under the bed and I thought something was wrong with him.

Cats don’t often pant. For some reason I thought they panted as often as dogs and I thought CZ was constantly going to overheat because he wasn’t doing that

Cats shed like crazy. I thought they didn’t shed like dogs, and I thought CZ had a disease the first summer I had him and his hair started shedding.

Cats are really picky about food. One time I switched cat food brands and he refused to eat, and I thought he was sick and dying. But he ate fine when I bought his old food again.

Cats WILL find a way to entertain themselves even if they have designated cat toys. I learned the hard way that I had to hide my yarn and my rubber bands for bracelets or he would get into them and make a huge mess.

Cats don’t “go to bed” like humans and dogs. I was used to putting dogs in a crate or making them lay on their beds at night to go to sleep. CZ would just stay up all night catting around while I slept.

I didn’t know that cats usually don’t come when their names are called and you can’t teach them obedience like dogs (sit, down, stay, etc). I tried to train him like a dog, and he’s smart enough to know the commands, but he just doesn’t care about doing them.

Cats aren’t as food driven as dogs. He doesn’t like any cat treats, so teaching him tricks is difficult.

Cats don’t care about positive reinforcement in terms of training. No amount of petting and kind words would make him sit or down or do tricks for me.

Cats ATTACK when you touch them certain places. CZ would lay on his back like he wanted me to pet his tummy, but when I did he would bite and scratch and kick me. It is fun for him to trick people like that.

Cats aren’t as owner oriented. The dogs I grew up with (my mom is a professional dog trainer) will hang around you and cling to you, waiting for you to tell them to do something or pay attention to them. CZ would just do his own cat thing and ignore me most of the time, and only occasionally would approach me for cuddles or pets.

Cats will do shit just to see your reaction. CZ will climb up onto the shelf where I keep my pants, wait for me to look at him, and then make eye contact with me and knock all the clothes off the shelf.

Obsessed with eating bugs. Maybe this is just my kitty because he was a homeless feral cat for a year before I found him, but if there’s a spider or something in my room, he will hunt it for hours and then eat it LOUDLY.

Cats will attack anything that moves. Before I cut my hair and it was long, if he was in play mode and I wanted to play with him, I would have to put my hair up or he’d attack it (and usually scratch my face or neck in the process)

Cats are LOUD. The dogs I grew up with were trained not to bark unless it was for a good reason (like if they were a service dog who needed to alert their handler of something) so I wasn’t expecting for CZ to SCREAM meow at me if he ran out of food or if I was gone for too long. He will scream at the top of his kitty lungs if I’m gone for more than 10 minutes without filling up his food bowl.

Cats are dramatic. One time the guy setting up the internet had to come into my room to put something in there, and CZ hid for THREE hours.

Cats will wake you up for no reason. If I’m sleeping in, CZ will bite my toes very hard until I wake up. For no reason other than for funsies.

Cats don’t care about your personal space. I had to move my bed away from the window because he would use my stomach as a launching pad to get to the window to look at my stepdad leaving for work EVERY morning at 5am.

Cats have strange hiding places. CZ likes to wiggle his way into my dresser, and on MANY occasions, has climbed into the washer or dryer and bites and scratches anyone who tries to get him out so they can do laundry.

Cats hold grudges??? My mom and I had to syringe feed him for a while when he was sick and wouldn’t eat, and he gets angry and attacks my mom or hides if she walks into my room with any kind of thing resembling a syringe.

Cats DO NOT like car rides. CZ scream meows and complains every time we take him in the car to go to the vet.

Here’s is the famous Collector Zoloft:

[originalwinnercheesecake]

My thoughts on the 4 new sequels Disney Sequels coming out.

Well for one thing I am glad that they are at least all CGI.  3 of those 4 franchises I do not ever want to see live action versions of, and a live action frozen only has the potential to possibly be a little bit cool. ( rule one: do not let M Knight Shamaulon direct it).

But here are my thoughts on them in defending order.

Zootopia 2: Yes please, make a Zootopia 2 and a 3 after that! Judy and Nick are two cutely designed characters, with fun personalities, who at the end of the first one both become investigative cops, who live in a huge metropolises with all different types of animal and multiple different climates and terrains. There so much sequel potential in that set up, and hundreds of years worth of crime history that can be adapted into it.

Here's a thought, since Judy was the POV character in the last one, can Zootopia two be primarily told from Nick's point of view. Maybe a string of crimes starts happening in his old neighborhood and Nick and Judy go to investigate it, and being there stirs up a bunch of old memories for him. Or the the original concept for Zootopia was going to be about Nick opening up a special theme park for predators where they would be able to safely let loose some (originally predators were going to have to wear "taming collars" around prey animals, that shocked them when they got to excited). Maybe the theme park still gets opened by an old friend of Nick's and he and Judy are charged with keeping it safe from Merryweather supporters. Like I said the possibilities are endless.

Inside Out 2. This one has the potentially to be really good, but could also blow. Inside is a really colorful, cute, and thoughtful look at what it's like to be a preteen child struggling with changes. In it Riley moves from her childhood home to a new apartment in a city far away. Riley has a really hard adjustment to her knew area in the beginning. The movers screw up and lose track of her stuff so she cannot make her new room look like home. Her Dad’s forced to start his new job early and mom is swamped trying to sort out the move, so they do no have as much time to spend with her as hey did before. Last she very quickly becomes homesick for her old friends and favorite places. Mom tells Riley that everything will be better once they get things sorted out, so Riley tries to do her parents a favor by burying her feelings and just smiling until everything gets better but that just makes things worse for her and everyone. The movies climax is when she finally admits how hard a time she is having to her parents and asks for comfort.

The imagery in the movie is cool to. with the core memory islands, the shelf of memories that look like brain matter, train of thought, Riley’s imagination, How Joy and Sadness are consistently thwarted for getting back to HQ until the end, because Riley is still suppressing those emotions. Even right down to that annoying gum jingle that keeps getting sent up to HQ, a.k.a stuck in Riley’s head...Basically a lot of time and care; research into stress, depression, and preteen psychology; as well as different animation techniques and metaphors went into showing you as apposed to telling you what Riley was feeling on the inside and the out... This movie went on to be used as an reference for teaching a lot of kids and some older people how to put their feelings into words: ‘Which emotion do you think is at the center of your control panel right now jimmy? Okay what is that emotion concerned with now?”. I also swear remember a college professor/counselor telling me and a group of people once that the reasons Riley’s core emotions were Disgust, Anger, Fear, Sadness, and Joy was that the first four are all the stages you go through before you feel happy again.

Riley was 11 during Inside out and turned 12 at the end... A sequel will probably take place when she is in High school, so like 14-17 years old. So that means she will be dealing with tests, acne, definitely boys, school dances, maybe learning to drive if she is old enough, possibly health class, Unfortunately maybe people making fun of her for liking a traditionally male sport (Hockey). I do not think the movie would age her as far a 18 and going off to college, not in a second movie at least. It probably will not be as cute as 1 because Teenagers are not as cute as kids. Riley aging into a high school student concerns me for another reason. High school is one of the most cliche settings yo can put a movie/show/media piece in. There is very little an audience hasn’t seen 100 times before. Inside Out 2 will work only if Riley and her emotions are able to maintain and expand the level of character they all had in Inside out 1. It will work only if the writers and story board artists can once again show the audience something new and fun, while also being serious when it needs to, heartfelt, and clever. IF it fails at all of that the movie will bomb. If it only does a passably job it will probably still get low ratings and reviews because people are of course going to compare it against the success of the first one. That’s really what makes sequels controversial. Sequels are good when their aim is to raise the bar from the first movie, not just cost on the first’s popularity. We will see which one Inside Out 2 does.

Frozen 3. Speaking of Movie franchises with a really good first movie, then a sequel that just rode the popularity of the first. Frozen one was a really good movie. It was. Ignoring the over saturation of the market afterwards, ignoring how overplayed “Let It Go” and other songs were, Frozen is actually a great movie. The actors are great, the characters funny and likable. The scenery is beautiful, the story is a classic with what was at the time a modern twist (that got repeated in many movies after), and the plot suspenseful. I remember my one critic of it when I saw it in theaters with friends was that I wished they had spaced the songs out a little bit more, because I had noticed that there were a bunch of them in the first half then none in the second half. Then there was Frozen 2. Frozen two’s plot was confusing. It tried to make the audience not want Arendelle to be saved, when the goal of the group setting out was to protect their Kingdom. It could not managed its cast size and just dropped characters midway through the movie until the very end (Hey where did Kristoff go?). Lastly at its core Frozen was about a pair of sisters growing up together and trying to help each other out. The second movie had both girls as adults and ended with them separating. Elsa can control her powers now and for some poorly explained reason decided she would rather live by herself in the woods. Anna and Kristoff got married and were crowned the King and Queen, which means their story is effectively finished and they probably will not be going on adventures anymore. They do have a Kingdom to run. What’s left to do during a third movie?

I know a lot of people would like Elsa to meet a nice women and enter into a queer relationship. While that would be wonderful a.) Pixar’s censors may not be there yet by the time the movie comes out. b.) Writing a women would have chemistry with Elsa, be patient enough to allow her to open up on her own time (she is so shy and introverted), tough enough to handle life in the woods and the occasional flash blizzard, and has the social skills to win over Anna (most defiantly a requirement for dating Elsa) is a really tall order for a character who comes in so late in the franchise. c.) lets say the censors allow it and the writers put in the work to create this absolutely amazing women. That’s still not really enough to fill the 2 hour time slot for the movie, and what would the other characters be doing at this time?    

Toy Story 5. Why? WHY??? It’s finished! That Movie Line is Finished! It’s been finished twice now? There is room for little kitty books and more 2-8 minute shorts on Disney+. IF done right then maybe a season or two long cartoon of Woody an Bo’s gang touring the parks of he world to be played with by kids and helping carnival toys that want to go home with needy children. Buzz and Jessie could show up from time to time when Bonnie’s family vacation in specials. But the movie Franchise is absolutely finished!

From what I saw Toy story 5 is hinted to be about Buzz. Okay Buzz’s arc was finished after Toy story 2. Movies 3 and 4 were super hard-pressed to find ways to include him. While 3′s focus on his crush on Jessie was sweet and his “Spanish mode switch” was really funny; 4′s subplot of him being confused as to what Woody meant by “your inner voice”  only served to anger his fans, who all pointed out how he was never THAT stupid. Is he supposed to be a lead toy now that Woody is gone? Lead toys are a child’s favorite toys right? Bonnie’s favorite toys are Forky, Dolly, and Buttercup (her unicorn). She loves toys that are simple, whimsical, and she gets to decide what roles they take on in her games. While Buzz held her interest longer than Woody (she doesn’t have a female Space Ranger to play with instead) he has never been one of her favorite toys.

The only thing I still want for Buzz is one more 8 minute short similar to Bo’s Lamp life. Show a montase of him with Andy, Bonnie, and a coupleother owners before he becomes an “old, toy” that no longer holds the lasting intrest of small children, so he joins Woody’s band of “lost” or retired toys.

[shipsgaysfordays]

an insight into the youngest sibling experience (but this is very much shaped by when i was born and my family being my family)

i’ve never known a life without you. i’ve never known an experience not compared to yours. mom and dad yelled at each other, i don’t remember them ever really liking each other, maybe you do? i shared rooms with you guys for years, at first being alone felt so strange. you wanted the walls purple and our other sister wanted the walls blue, so you did half and half. later on she painted her’s rainbow, i’ll never forgive the new home owners for changing the walls to be white. for years all i saw were shut doors, i didn’t really understand back then, i do now. we used to speak so often, now i barely know you. we don’t even eat dinner together anymore, you order food, or are working, or it’s the one of you guys who’s hours away or states away. i can’t keep track of your ages anymore. you used to drive me to school in the mornings, the windows down because you’re air didn’t work, your car would shake and i would try my best not to fall asleep, would try to look at the beautiful fall leafs or try to talk. i don’t remember being sick, i don’t remember you being sick, i honestly don’t remember much. whenever a conversation strikes up about old times i don’t have much to say. you did everything the first time so i need to learn from your mistakes, i need to do it perfect since you didn’t have the information and insight to do it perfect. i don’t know your friends, i used to know their names, i used to be scared of them, i still kind of am for no reason. i worry about mom and dad, am i holding them back by being the last one still here, they want to move and i know that but i’m so scared to move forward into a life with autonomy. i like being home alone now, after some point it became normal, it’s strange how quiet it is here in comparison to the old house. i wish i could ask you to open jars, i wish you could help me, i wish i could ask. i went to every concert i could, to every marching band thing. you never got to go to any of my art shows, dad will never shut up about the 1 time you did one...i shouldn’t be jealous about it. i stand at the counter when i eat, but if somehow like two ships passing in the night i end up seeing you, i move and let you by. many of the books i have on my shelf are hand my downs, when i was a kid most of my clothes were hand me downs, most of my traits were hand me downs, most of my hobbies were hand me downs, but i can’t say most of my life was hand me downs. i don’t know a life not comparing myself to you guys, not fearing being a copycat while still very much being one, not trying to avoid past mistakes, not being so fucking thankful that you came first so i wouldn’t be afraid to be queer. i love you. i don’t know if you guys see how shut out i feel. you won’t see this, but thank you for a life’s worth of guidance. i hope i’m not still annoying. mom wants to know when you’re planning on visiting.

being an older sibling is like. you've never known a life without me. mom yelled at me and it taught her she never wanted to yell at you. I painted my room purple and grey and then you did too. we live in the same house but I haven't spoken to you in months. I don't know your favorite color. I saw it was going to rain so I picked you up from school on my way home so your books wouldn't get wet. i was so worried when you woke up sick when you were three. you don't remember being sick. mom and dad made their worst mistakes with me and I'm glad they didn't make them with you. I'm doing everything for the first time so you won't be in the dark. I don't know any of your friend's names anymore. I used to know them all. if something happens to mom and dad you won't have to worry because everything will fall to me. you don't like to be home alone but even if you don't see me just knowing I'm there makes you feel better. at least that's what mom told me. you still give me jars to open for you because you can't quite get them. I only see you during dinner. i'd never even think about missing one of your concerts. I stand at the counter when I eat and now you do, too. when offered a selection of books you picked the same one I did when i was your age. I'm terrified you compare yourself to me. I love you. I don't know if you like me. I want you to. mom says dinner's ready

[touboutenshi]

thinking abt childhood. i still clearly remember the homes of relatives that died (and the ones who just moved away).

gigi's house was pretty big and had a nice room full of antiques that i liked to be in. there was almost always a little dear shaped bowl with chocolates. there was a miniature porcelain tea set and some porcelain rabbits that i liked. they were given to me when she died. the tea set is in another room because i didn't want the pieces to get lost on my mess of a shelf, but the rabbits are used to keep my books from falling over now. i'll admit, when i was a kid i stole a small piece of fancy looking soap from a bowl of it she had in the bathroom. sorry about that. i thought it looked pretty. she had a pool in the backyard that i liked to play in when i brought a swimsuit. i didn't know how to swim (still dont), but it was fun just being in there. she almost always had the pool vaccuum cleaner in there though, and those things freak me out for some reason. one time she showed me a pair of raggedy ann and andy dolls she had in her bedroom. i wonder who ended up getting those. me and my parents visited her every now and then, really just to hang out, but we had family events too. mainly christmas, some thanksgivings. i remember her kitchen was pretty (but small) and had a wooden trash can that was i think connected to the floor. i have a specific memory of watching annoying orange on her tv one christmas because its what cartoon network was airing at the time. it was the most interesting thing that was airing on any channel to me. i didnt watch the tv long enough for anything else to start i think.

my great grandma's house was a bit small. there was a hallway that led to different rooms, like a sewing room, bathroom, ect. the room at the very end of the hallway was a guest bedroom, and was where the kids would hang out when family was over. i'd also hang out in there alone when i visited with my parents, she had some books and toys in there. i remember i borrowed an uglydolls book once. i dont think i ever gave it back, but i don't have it anymore, so it mightve ended up at a thrift store somewhere. she had a pet cockatiel. i forgot his name. he was old and nice. she had a big backyard with a lot of bushes. she'd host easter parties a lot because of it (since there were a lot of places to hide the eggs). eventually she moved out because she couldn't take care of herself as well, first to my aunt's, then to a nursing home. then she died. if i remember correctly, my family held her funeral in another state, even though she died here, so me and my parents couldn't go. i think my dad was mad about that.

but the house i remember the most was my nana's house. she's still alive, just moved to another state with her friend. i used to visit and spend the night with her a lot. she lived in a messy little mobile home. she had a wii and a few games that she kept for when i visited. she gave them to me before she moved. i remember playing my ds there a lot too. i actually used to live there with my mom for a while, before we got our own place. that was before i met my step dad and step brother, i think. i haven't seen them in years. i wonder how they're doing now. even after we had our own place, nana would pick me up from school. preschool, kindergarden and early grade school, i think. she also lived with papa for a while. i don't remember him well. he died too early for me to remember much. i think i visited him in the hospital. i think it was cancer. i remember he was a heavy smoker, so that's what i think it was at least. nana's house was small. she had a kitchen + dining room, living room, 2 bathrooms, and 2 bedrooms. when i stayed the night with her we'd share the bed in her bigger bedroom. it was a big bed and i was a little kid so it wasn't cramped. she also had a tv in there on top of a dresser if i remember correctly. there was also a tv in the living room. the other bedroom was always a mess from what i can remember. i dont think it was ever properly cleaned when she moved. as the years passed, the living room also became messier because she used it less. i have a specific memory of accidently dropping a glass bowl on the floor while sitting in a chair in the living room. i was in the house alone, i think nana was a way and only papa was out on the potch, and i knew not to get up because id step on the shards, so i had to yell until he finally heard me and came in to sweep the floor. she also made hard boiled eggs for me a lot. she had a jack russel terrior named lovey. and a chihuahua named niña. lovey lived up to her name. she was an old lady. niña was much younger, i remember i first met her when she was a puppy. nana hid her in her fluffy bathrobe so she could surprise me. now she's an old lady. i haven't talked to nana in years now, so i wonder if the girl's still alive... i have a photo i took of her somewhere. eventually, lovey died, and nana moved in with a friend. i stayed the night with them at her house a few times. she was nice. she had a big dog named bo, short for hobo because he was found on the street. idk his breed. he died eventually. he was a friendly old man. i dont remember the friends house much. she had a guest bedroom with 2 beds, and i remember she let me use her shower a few times. it was one with a glass door. we'd go out to barnes and noble together and eat breakfast at their little cafe area, then walk around and just look at stuff. it was nice. i'd bring my tablet so i could draw. she had a fancy car. last time we did it was in 2019 i think, then they moved to another state. i dont remember which one. me and my nana texted for a bit but then we eventually stopped.

[ktb-513]

In the garage of my childhood home, stood 4 foot tall, 3 tiered wooden shelves that my dad built to keep his garage organized.. On the top shelf, he kept his car washing supplies in a bucket. The bucket was filled with wash rags, soap, tire polish, squeegees, and stacks of newspaper that he used to dry the windows so as not to streak them. On the same shelf there were 2 footballs- one small enough for my tiny hands to throw, and one suitable for the boys.. That top shelf held baseballs, baseball bats, miscellaneous sports equipment, and one rack of umpiring shoes.

Everything had a place on a shelf. And every shelf seemed to have a rationale to the placement, and the frequency it was used. Things we accessed often were on the top, right at eye level. Things we only needed every few months stayed on the middle shelf, and things we may need once in a blue moon were on the garage floor (which served as the bottom shelf). The less often we needed items, the further down on the shelves they went. My dad is meticulous about everything having a place and a purpose. It was instinctual in our house to know exactly where an item would be in the garage when we needed it. My dad would often be in the middle of a project or repair, and shout, “Hey Katie, go grab me that ___ from the garage.”

I remember most of the contents of the top shelf. But i felt a lump in my throat today when i tried to recall what sat on the other shelves, and I couldn’t. Because it’s been almost 10 years since I’ve lived in that house for longer than a summer. It’s been 10 years since my dad asked me to go grab him something from the garage. It’s been 10 years since I’ve had to step up onto the wheel of his truck, climb into its bed and reach something on the top shelf for him.

Today I sat in my own garage, helping my husband hang a shelf that is 636 miles away from the shelves my dad made. I realized today that I don’t remember what was on the bottom shelf, or in the middle. I don’t remember what I would reach for on the bottom shelf that I could locate so instinctually. In the moment that I realized this, I felt tears well in my eyes.

I realized that my inability to recall the shelves contents are a symptom. It is a symptom that time continues to pass without my permission and those memories fade at the same speed. I don’t know how my dad’s garage is organized anymore, and for some reason, that is almost painful. I sat and wondered what he does now when he needs something from the garage.

Does he fetch it himself? Does he shout to my mom to get it for him? And why do I feel so sad that he figured out how to get things from the garage without me?

I don’t particularly miss that garage or living in that house. I remember slivers of life there when I roller bladed around inside there, jumping over cones and having confidence that one day, I could roller blade professionally. I remember when we briefly had a ping pong table that we’d play on with our friends, but not nearly often enough. I remember when I ran to meet my dad in the garage when he returned from work to show him I got my ears pierced, and he almost cried. That garage held mostly good memories.

But it isn’t the memories or the activities that happened in the garage that make me feel this pain. I feel this pain because I never realized that there would be a last time that I got something from those shelves, or that there would be a last time that I remembered what sat on those shelves.

Even though aging is natural and my move was for the best, the garage begs me to think of my parents’ life and of mine.

I don’t know the ins and outs, or contents of their days, and they don’t know the ins and outs of mine. Aging and growing up from a distance is just sitting with the strange twinges of pain from unexpected moments like hanging shelves in a garage.

It means that we all had to adapt and learn how to move through life without each other- and being okay with that.

Aging, and healing from a distance is learning to be okay with not knowing how my dad’s garage is organized anymore.

[boldlyvoid]

Amethyst you so much

Summary: Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

Warnings: pure fluff, weed mention, hurt/comfort, grief and mourning

Word Count: 6.4K

Read on Ao3

Late nights at the office had become his thing since Gideon left.

He couldn’t bring himself to go home some nights without a game of chess, a cup of coffee, and the ambiance of the post case staff working. He would’ve had no idea about what goes on after they close a case if he didn’t stay behind most nights.

The phone rings almost every 10 minutes, and it’s always answered by the sweetest voice. The fax machine never turns off, and the most beautiful girl in the world is always running around placing papers in different places.

He’s been smitten with her since she started here, 2 years ago. Never seeing much of her since she was switched to the night shift, always wanting to just watch her from afar, never speaking to her unless he needed to.

“Yes, again we are so sorry for the door,” he can hear her voice from the back corner of the room. “Agent Morgan will be paying for that out of his paycheck, don’t worry, Mr. Kennings. We’ll be sure to remember your hotel when we’re in the area again. The FBI has a very generous budget for overnight cases. Of course, you have a good night too.”

She hung the phone up harshly and let out a deep sigh. He turned around to see her face in her arms, resting against the desk. She looked done, completely fed up. He would be too.

She looked up then, noticing that he was making eye contact with her. She awkwardly smiled and waved at him, “sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Spencer replied. “We asked for the key, I should have stopped him from kicking it in.”

She laughed then, walking over to his desk so she didn’t have to yell across the room. She sat on the corner of his desk lightly, “why do you stay every night?”

“Oh, um,” he wasn’t prepared for this. She had never talked to him before. She was barely able to even look at him when she used to place papers on his desk 2 years ago, now she was on his desk.

“I don’t like to bring the work home with me, it’s better to destress here before I go to my apartment,” he answered, half honestly.

She nodded slightly, “I get it. Luckily I go home in the mornings so the sun helps me feel better.”

“Going home in the dark isn’t fun,” she lightly smiled up at her.

“Do you want a coffee or anything?” She asked softly, “seeing as I am still your assistant as long as you’re here?”

He laughed lightly, “I would, but I’d like to join you in the staff room for it?”

“Okay,” she stood, straightening out her shirt as he stood as well.

He held the doors open for her, letting her walk out first, still smiling as she waited in the hall for him. Never being anything less than 1 foot from him for some reason, and he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“Do you like your job?” He asked lightly.

“Oh yeah,” she laughed. “It’s like customer service on crack. Have you ever had to explain to someone why you can’t pay for the cracked foundation after Agent Morgan’s ransacked a place?”

“I honestly never thought of who has to deal with the aftermath,” he awkwardly admitted to her. “I’m so sorry.”

She couldn’t stop laughing as they entered the kitchen, “it’s fine. I never have to apologize on your behalf, it’s everyone else who seems to be reckless. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I came along to babysit.”

“That would be helpful,” he smiled softly as she entered the staff room.

He watched as she took a new coffee filter out of the cupboard. Emptying the coffee pot with ease, rinsing everything before adding the water and scooping in the grounds. He was mesmerized by how fast she was able to do it, then again it was sort of her job.

“What mug would you like?” She turned to him with a smile that made his heart skip a beat.

“Um, the purple one, if it’s there?”

“You really like purple, huh?” She teased him, standing on her tippy-toes to reach the mug for him.

She placed it on the counter before grabbing a white mug, it had a bumblebee on it, “bee happy” written along the top. It was perfect for her.

“Purple is a stress-reducing colour,” she explained. “When I was a kid my parents painted my room purple so that I’d sleep better.”

“I’ve always been drawn to it.”

She leaned against the counter while the coffee pot started to percolate, “Probably because of your anxiety, coffee doesn’t help that.”

“It’s in my DNA to be like this,” he tried to joke, knowing he succeeded when her smile crept back onto her face.

He was on a mission to keep seeing it.

“For someone who spends a lot of time with dead bodies, creepy places and bad people, you sure are a mousy little thing aren’t you?” She teased him.

“I also love Halloween, go figure.” He’s not sure where the confidence came from, being able to make light-hearted jokes like this was only easy with the team.

Which she technically was a part of. He’s seen her almost every single day for 3 years, slowly being able to get comfortable enough for this very moment.

“What else are you into, outside of here?” She asked honestly, making his heart swell as no one else had ever asked him before.

“Lots of things,” he sighed. “I love to read, I’ll read anything. But mostly I enjoy far-off worlds. Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Sherlock mostly.”

“No supernatural?” She gasped. “Sacrilege, honestly. What kind of nerd are you if you don't support supperwholock?”

“That's the show with the monster hunting brothers right?” He tried to recall it to his mind.

She nodded with a pressed-lipped smile, “it’s bad but in a way where I can’t stop watching every Thursday, they just introduced an angel who is pretty gay. Star Trek is cool too, I guess, I was raised by Trekkies.”

“My mom was into Doctor Who.”

“Mamma’s boy,” she teased him slightly, returning her focus to the coffee as she poured the now finished brew into their mugs. “She was nice when she came in that one time, I made her a very sweet coffee just like yours.”

He reached for the sugar then, poring a generous amount into his mug with a grin, “how much do you like?”

“the same amount,” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I hate the taste of coffee, but it keeps me awake.”

He poured the sugar into her mug as she places a spoon in each. Allowing him to stir his own before picking it up finally. Holding the warm ceramic in his hands, it was almost as warm as the feeling in his chest when he looked at her.

He’s felt it for a long time. He’s been caught staring at her by Derek, JJ even tried to get him to give her his number. Which she already had for when she calls him into work in the middle of the night. They knew he had a crush, he did too. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

“Come to my desk, I want to show you something?” She asked softly, avoiding eye contact as she walked towards the door.

He followed, like a lost puppy, all the way back to her desk. It was always neat, he always looked at it when he made his way up the stairs to the briefing room. He could even see it from where he sat at the table sometimes. Always wanting to see her leave in the mornings.

She had a collection of rocks that always changed, he loved the blue one the most but it wasn’t there currently. She had all new ones since the last time he looked.

“Here,” she hands him one. It’s brown and gold, the colours moving and shifting as he turns it with his fingers. The gold running through it like a beautiful wave.

“what’s this for?”

“It’s a Tiger’s eye, for good luck and happiness,” she smiled. “Keep it at your desk and maybe it’ll be easier for you to relax when you come back?”

The butterflies in his chest were swirling then as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Wanting him to take it, wanting him to feel better. Caring for him.

“Thank you,” he barely whispers, clearing his throat softly. “It’s very nice of you.”

“You’re always nice to me, so,” she shrugged.

They sat down then, he dragged his chair from his desk over to hers. Sitting in close as she explained all the meanings to her rocks. He listened carefully, getting to examine each one as she spoke.

“This one is Jade, it’s for balancing emotions and allowing compassion so I don’t scream at everyone on the phone,” she laughed as she placed one in his hands. Her fingers brushing his palm softly.

It was a beautiful green stone with a thin white line running through it, separating into 3 directions as he flipped it over, “it’s beautiful.”

“I know some people don’t believe in this stuff,” she started to get embarrassed as she placed them all back on the shelf. “But I’ve always thought; if the moon, which is just a rock, can control the water, and humans are 70% water, then who’s to tell me the moon cycles don’t control my emotions and these smaller rocks can’t help problem areas?”

“You’re not wrong,” he shook his head softly as he thought her words over. “People depended on the stars and planets for guidance originally, as well as rocks and herbs for healing, just because it’s outdated doesn’t mean it doesn’t work?”

“Thank you,” she smiled. “No one has ever agreed with me that easily.”

“Anytime you want to talk, I’ll just be over there,” he pointed at his desk. “And I’m a phone call away?” He swallowed sharply at his boldness, trying to stay calm as he awaited her answer.

“I do have your number,” she smiled, reaching out to place her hand on his. “But you should go home, I’m sure you’re chilled out now.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, staring at her hand as they touched. He lightly wrapped his hand around hers, holding it slightly, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“And every day after,” she whispered, tilting her head as she smiled at him.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Penelope was always dragging him out. She would take him shopping, to dinner, to the movies. She was like his big sister, dedicated to making sure he wasn’t always cooped up or trying to retreat into a fantasy life.

She kept him busy.

She had 4 bags in her hands as they walked down the street, peering into the store windows to see what else she could possibly be interested in taking home for someone. That’s when they passed the natural health store.

He stopped in his tracks, seeing all the different rocks on the wall accompanies by little cards that described how they could help. He opened the door and rushed inside before Penelope even noticed he stopped following her.

“Good afternoon!” The shop owner called out to him. “How can I assist you today?”

“Um, the girl I like has a rock collection,” he says softly, knowing Penelope is behind him listening. “Crystals more specifically, I’d like to get her some?”

“Well, you came to the right place,” the man beams, escorting him to the wall of rocks. “What is she like?”

“Wonderful,” the words are carried out of his mouth on a sigh as he thinks about her. “She’s confident and nice, and caring. She’s always positive and just so lovely.”

“I’ve got you,” the man starts picking rocks off the wall and placing them in his hands.

Spencer follows him to the desk where he lays down a handful of rocks, Penelope is shockingly quiet as she stands beside him, staring at the collection. She’ll be full of questions later, all of which he is terrified of.

“This is a rose quartz, pretty basic love, beauty, anti-depression stone,” he pushes the pink and a green rock towards him. “Serpentine is for new adventures, observation and insight. I have a feeling you’re up for an adventure with her?”

Spencer nodded enthusiastically, “I like that one. It would be better to get her some rare ones, some that have to do with friendship, new beginnings, or opportunities?” He tried to explain his feelings as best as he could. Not knowing if he sounded dumb for a change.

The man smiled wide, “here,” he dipped below the counter and dug out a box. “Chrysocolla is literally for new beginnings, love and opportunity.”

He hands Spencer a vitreous, raw blue stone with small green marks running all through it, it’s beautiful like her. “This is perfect.”

“I’ll throw in a Kiwi Jasper as well, it’s for being by someone's side, support and trust. As well as a Ruby in Zoisite it symbolizes finding the joy in life with someone,” he hands Spencer two equally beautiful stones, prepping a bag and wrappings for all of them.

Spencer lays out the 5 stones he picked out, watching him wrap them with care before placing them in a bag. He rings everything up, Spencer pays and before he’s even out the door Penelope is pouncing on him for answers.

“Who?!”

He can't help but blush and stutter, trying to brush past her and continue walking down the street. “You can’t hide forever Spencer, who is she?”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“You literally said so?” She looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Come on? I won't tell anyone!”

“Y/N.”

The gears are turning in Penelope's head as she tries to place a face to the name, knowing she’s seen her somewhere, “From the office?”

He nods softly, “the one Derek bullies me for staring at?” He clues her in more as they walk.

“He also bullies her for staring at you,” she adds with a smile. “She’s going to love those, when are you going to give them to her?”

“I was thinking about just leaving one on her desk every day? Maybe with a note for why I picked it?” He really wants to woo her, she’s too special to just flirt with.

“She’s going to love that.”

—

Sure enough, he walked into work every day for the next week, placing a rock on a sticky note on her desk. He was never around when she was able to see it, only knowing she got it when he'd arrive at work the next morning with a note reading 'thank you ♥︎ ' on top of his files.

He thinks about her all weekend, planning how he'll give her the last rock as he takes the elevator up that morning. Only to see her sitting at her desk, phone pressed to her ear as she tried to talk someone out of suing the FBI, she looked absolutely miserable. Just a casual Monday morning for her, almost at the end of her shift.

He rushed over to his desk, putting all his stuff down to dig one of the rocks from his satchel. Picking the Kiwi Jasper for today, he grabbed a pen and a sticky note and wrote her a little note.

“Always here if you need to talk, -Spencer ♥︎”

He walked over to her desk, she was still talking so she didn’t notice him until he was right there, she looked up at him with a thankful smile.

“Yes sir,” she answered the person talking to her. “Can I call you back after I speak to the chief? thanks.” She hung up on him, turning all her attention to Spencer.

“I know you know it's been me leaving these, but I brought you in another one,” he says softly, placing the rock in her hand and sticking the note to the shelf where it would end up.

“oh my gosh, Spencer?” She placed her free hand on her heart as she looked at the rock.

“You looked upset?”

She stands and pulls him into a hug, he can feel all the eyes on him as he holds her back, letting his chin rest on her shoulder as she squeezes him.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she pulled back, awkwardly smiling at him as she also noticed everyone staring.

“Always,” he smiled back, hand still resting on her arm. “Um, I have a case I need to get to.”

“Of course, good luck,” she smiled.

He pulls the tiger's eye out of his shirt pocket, showing her that he still had it, “kinda hard not to have good luck with this.”

She bit back a smile, her eyes gleaming as she took a deep breath through her nose. Releasing the same feelings he was keeping inside, allowing both their butterflies to swarm out together.

—

He loved when they had cases in Virginia. Being able to stay in the bullpen and work was relaxing, it was easier to think where he felt safe.

He was working on the geo profile all alone, a huge map stretched across a clear case board as he laid a yardstick across it. Drawing a thick red line with marker over it, in his own little world as he worked away.

He doesn’t realize she’s standing there too until she’s lightly pressing her hand on his back.

“Hey,” she whispers softly. “It’s 10 pm, thought you’d like a coffee?” She places the purple mug on his desk with her purse, turning her attention back to what he’s doing.

“Thank you, I’m almost done here,” he says softly, finishing the red triangle he was making on the map.

“I’ve always found it fascinating how you do this,” she complimented him. “You’re so careful.”

“Like baking, it’s an exact science,” he smiled softly.

It made her giggle slightly, placing her hand back on his back as she moved in closer to look. He wanted her to stay there forever, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus. He tried his best to steady his hand as he finished the line.

Putting the yardstick back down and turning to her, she doesn’t move her hand, instead, softly moving to rest on his arm as she stands close to him. “How are you?”

He feels nervous for some reason, it’s not like she hasn’t been this close to him before. It’s just that she’s close and she smells wonderful and he wonders if her lips would be a better wake-up call than the coffee she brought.

He realizes he’s staring at her lips when he licks his own, “I’m good,” he furrows his brow and clears his throat with a nod.

She smirks at him, “how come you’re the only one still here? Hotch said it could wait till tomorrow?”

“I was waiting for you,” he admits, “but I got carried away setting this up, I never heard you come in?”

“Cause I didn’t,” she scrunches her nose slightly as she straightens her stance. “I saw you working hard and went right to get you a coffee.”

“You’re wonderful,” he blushes as the words slip out, trying his best to keep eye contact when all he wants to do is kiss her.

She pats his arm slightly as she backs up a little, grabbing her bag from where she set it on his desk. “I’m going to set up for the night, come talk to me before you leave?”

“Of course,” he says as she walks away, letting out a small sigh as he realizes just how badly he wants her.

He never gets to talk to her before he leaves, she’s on the phone when hotch comes storming in. Saying something about another body and making Reid leave with him. He’s busy for 3 days straight, thinking about her with every free thought he’s able to squeeze in.

He carries the rock from her in his pocket everywhere he goes; in his pants beside his keys, in his bag with his books, in his breast pocket, over his heart, behind a bulletproof vest. Feeling it press against his chest, a part of her keeping him safe where ever he went.

They finish the case with minimal damage, Spencer specifically making sure that Derek leaves all the doors on the hinges for Y/N’s sake, cleaning up any messes they make so she won’t have to hear about it over the phone. They all notice that he’s doing it for her, quietly appreciating the fact that Spencer is happy for a change, that there’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes again.

He arrives back at Quantico 30 minutes before her shift starts. Everyone else is packing up for the day while he sits at his desk, reading to occupy the time before she comes in.

Only she doesn’t.

30 minutes pass and she’s nowhere to be seen, it’s only 9:02 by the time he starts to panic. Wondering if she’s okay, hoping she’s just in the elevator or grabbing a coffee that’s actually good, somewhere outside of the office.

“Reid,” he hears Hotch calling him from his office door. “She just called in, her grandmother passed away last night so she won't be in.”

“Oh,” he furrows his brow, looking at him with confusion. “How did you know?”

“Penelope,” he smiles. “She’s still here too, and she knows where Y/N lives.”

“It wouldn’t be weird to go see if she’s okay?”

Hotch just smiles at him again, “go see her, Reid.”

Getting her address from Penelope felt a little weird, but she writes it on a sticky note for him and he’s out the door before she can even pry into what he’s going to say. Which is good, because he doesn’t know yet.

It’s late, but he stops by the little rock store on his way to her house. Seeing the lights still on and the same man from before behind the counter.

“Welcome back,” he’s overly cheerful for it being so late. “How did she like them?”

“She likes the ones I’ve given her so far,” he smiles, looking over the wall himself this time for the right one.

Scanning past every emotion and affirmation known to man as he looked around, picking out a beautiful pink Rhodonite for healing grief, supposedly acting as a hug from emotional troubles. And a Rainbow Moonstone for inner peace, harmony and strength.

“She’s lost someone recently?” He asks as Spencer places them on the counter.

“Her grandmother,” he says softly. “These are good, right?”

“They’ll be perfect, we also have amethyst bracelets, they’re good for healing and drawing in positive energy,” he points towards the small display of bracelets. Small purple stones separated with small gold beads.

He picks up 2 of them, placing them on the counter as well.

“Is she still just a crush?”

Spencer laughs lightly, “unfortunately.”

“She might be more after this,” he smirks, ringing him up. “I’ll give you a 2 for one deal on everything, I have a feeling you’ll be in a lot.”

Spencer thanks him as he pays, picking out a small purple bag for the rocks and bracelet. Placing one on his own wrist before leaving. Also picking up some cookie dough ice cream and a card at the corner store just beside her apartment. Remembering all the times Penelope, JJ or Emily has mentioned it being the best ice cream for crying.

He takes a very deep breath before knocking on her door, hoping to every god out there that she doesn’t find this incredibly inappropriate and weird.

“Spencer?” He hears her voice before she even opens the door, looking out the peephole at him.

She whips the door open, eyes puffy and swollen as she looks at him in shock. She’s in a big sweater and shorts, tears dripping down her cheeks as she shakes her head at him.

“I thought you could use some cheering up?” He awkwardly smiles, holding the ice cream up for her to see.

She wraps her arms around his middle, burying her face against his coat. Still crying as she holds him, he holds her with his free hand, shushing her as he presses his cheek to her head.

She pulls back with a sniffle, “come in,” she offers with an arm out, ushering him inside the small room as she closes the door.

He takes his shoes off, handing her the ice cream so he can take off his coat and satchel too. “This isn’t weird right?”

“Not at all,” she laughs slightly through the awkwardness. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you care this much.”

“I brought something for you,” he says as he struggles to dig everything out of his pocket.

He hands her the card and the little purple bag, seeing the overwhelming glance grow on her face. Her eyes grew wide as he mouth opened, speechless.

She opened the card first, reading the passage about grief that was already provided. Dealing with grief was something Spencer knew too well, adding something a little special to the bottom of the card.

“To live in hearts we left behind is not to die,” -Thomas Campbell. As long as you remember her, with a smile on your face and love in your heart, she will always be with you ♥︎ Spencer

She wipes her tears with her forearm, placing the card on the counter beside the ice cream before she opens the bag. She pulls out the bracelet first, absolute shock on her face.

“Spencer?” Is all she can say, in a high squeak as she shakes her head at him.

“I didn’t want you to be sad,” he says softly, stepping into her space and placing a hand on her arm. “I love seeing you smile, and I thought this could help.

He takes the bracelet from her grasp and places it over her hand. Resting it on her wrist softly, straightening it out against her sweater as she notices the matching on over his shirt sleeve.

“Oh this is so cute,” she swoons. “thank you, really Spencer.”

“And there are some rocks for grief healing in there too, one is supposedly like an emotional hug which should heal the grief and sorrow, and the other is more for inner peace and harmony,” he rambles away, not wanting her to miss anything.

She pours the rocks from the bag, into her hand, looking them over silently with a smile, “they’ll look great on my desk.”

“The purple looks nice on you too,” he compliments her, watching her eyes drift up to him.

She places the rocks on the counter before wrapping her arms around him once more. This time he’s able to actually hold her back, tight as possible as he rubs his hand over her back.

She smells like home, clean laundry and happiness. She’s soft and warm, he holds her perfectly against his chest, like she was a missing puzzle piece that someone finally found under the table, she fits into his life like she was supposed to be there.

She kisses his cheek softly before she pulls back, causing him to pull her into a real kiss on impulse. Connecting their lips as she sighs into the contact, melting into his grasp as she kisses him back.

Her lips are soft, fitting between his own gently as she breathes him in. Her hands reach up to grip his cheeks, kissing him again and again, placing pecks to his lips and cheeks with her eyes closed as he giggles.

“Thank you,” she whispers against his lips, “for everything.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he whispers back, kissing her one last time before she pulls away.

“I was actually about to smoke some weed on the fire escape and probably cry some more,” she laughs lightly. “would you like to join me?”

“I’ll stick with a bowl of ice cream,” he smiled awkwardly.

“Nice one,” she laughs as she opens the ice cream.

“What?”

“Oh, you didn’t even get the reference you made,” she laughs lightly, “to get high you smoke a bowl, so…”

It makes him smile, “I'm a comedian part-time.”

He makes her laugh again, loving the sound of her giggle replacing the tears. “Why aren’t you this funny at work?”

He thinks about it for a little, watching her scoop the ice cream into two bowls, “it’s a little hard to make jokes when people's lives are on the line, I know everyone else does but I get too focused.”

“They probably wouldn’t appreciate your jokes even if you did make them,” she says as she handed him a bowl with a spoon. “They’re kind of mean to you, in a family way but it still sucks sometimes to overhear.”

She walks into the living area then, grabbing a few blankets and opening the window to the fire escape. Crawling out to sit on the ledge, waiting for him.

“I don’t mind it,” he says as he finally sits down beside her.

She places the blanket over their laps, both of them sitting criss-cross applesauce as they ate.

“Do you like your job?” She asks him, just like he once asked her.

“Most of the time,” he nodded as he got brain freeze. The cold air, the cold ice cream, everything that was catching up to him as he scrunched his face up at the feeling.

She laughs at him only a bit before she’s also attacked by the brain freeze, holding the vein in her neck as she chokes out another laugh, trying to warm up the blood going to her head so the pain would stop.

They’re both just a mess of giggles together, unable to say any words as they let it all out. She leans her head on his shoulder lightly as they calm down to just soft chuckles. He presses his cheek against her head.

“Thank you, Spencer,” it sounds like she’s crying a bit. “My grandma was a lovely woman, she’d be glad I’m laughing right now.”

He reached out a hand for her to hold over the blanket. She interlocked their fingers softly, both cold from holding their ice cream bowls.

“If she was anything like you, I’m sure she was the most wonderful woman,” he says softly, not intending to make her cry but having a feeling he might.

“Would you be interested in holding me on the couch while I cry?” She asked softly, tears in her eyes as she looked up at him.

“Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

—

He’s late for work the next morning.

Waking up to the smell of coffee, opening his eyes to a strange view. He’s on a couch he doesn’t recognize in a room he doesn’t know too well.

Then he remembers, they ended up cuddled up on the couch. He wakes up to the memory of her on his chest, crying softly as they listened to some music, he ran his hand over her back while she went through it all, blessed to have his support.

He fell asleep under her at some point, waking up alone with a blanket laid over him. He sat up to see her in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a travel mug.

“Good, you’re awake,” she smiles at him. “Coffee is ready, I uh, I have this button-up shirt from a guy friend, if you wanted to wear that to work today? So they don’t think you stayed here?”

“That’s smart,” he replies as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

Getting up, he uses the bathroom, changes and takes that coffee from her. He’s not expecting her to kiss him on the lips at the door, but she sends him off to work like an old housewife.

He doesn’t want to pull away from her, keeping her pressed against him as he leans in for 4 more kisses before she finally pushes him out into the hallway with a laugh, “get to work!”

“Fine,” he sighs, “are you going to be in tonight?”

“Yeah,” she smiles, “funeral is in West Virginia next week, so I’ll be in until then.”

“I’ll see you later?”

She nods slightly with a soft smile, “you’ll be seeing a lot of me soon, Spencer.”

“Good,” he winks at her before heading down the hallway and towards the street entrance.

He sighs as he walks outside, resting his back against the apartment complex door, taking a moment to think about everything that just happened, the night of company and the wonderful send-off.

It was something he could get used to.

He rushes into the briefing room when he arrives at Quantico, sitting down with his coffee and pretending he wasn’t late. Listening carefully to JJ’s presentation of the case as he flips through everything he missed already.

“Wheels up in 30,” he heard Hotch say as he zoned back in. “Nice of you to join us, Reid.”

“I know that travel mug from somewhere,” Derek said as he stared at Spencer, who was taking a sip to avoid the awkwardness.

“Hmm?” He played dumb.

“That’s Y/N’s. She washes it every morning when she leaves to go home, I see her do it every morning,” his eyes open wide. “Holy shit.”

“Isn’t that the same tie and slacks from yesterday?” Emily teased him as well.

“Her grandma died, I brought her ice cream and slept on the couch okay?” He all but yelled, flailing his arms slightly so they’d all back off.

Derek reached his fist out for him to pound it, “good man.”

Then Penelope noticed the bracelet, “did she get you that?”

He sunk his hand into his pocket then, “no.”

“What?” Emily and JJ asked in unison, straining their necks to try and get a good look at what she was talking about.

He nervously held his arm out for them, showing them the purple bracelet resting over the sleeve of his shirt. “I got one for her too, it’s for healing and peace. It’s what she needs right now.”

“Oh, so you love her,” Derek smiles as he teases him. Making everyone else in the room swoon slightly.

“Okay and?”

“Oh my god!” Most of them shout at him, embarrassing him to no end. He was so glad she wasn’t at work this morning or else she would be able to hear this from her desk.

“Did you kiss her?” Rossi pries, asking what everyone else was thinking.

He scrunches his face, pushing his glasses up slightly as he clears his throat, “a few times.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” JJ kept the questions coming.

“Not yet,” he said softly. “Kinda weird to walk into her apartment while she cries to say ‘hey sorry about the death in your family, want to date me?’”

“Yeah,” Emily agrees, shrugging lightly. “At least she knows you like her now, it’s been what? 2 years?”

“2 years, 3 months, 17 days and 43 minutes,” he confirms with a small nod and pressed lips.

“Gross,” Derek teases him.

“The plane is leaving in 10 minutes,” Hotch cut into their fun.

Making them all gather their things and continue the interrogation in the elevator, and eventually on the plane, and in the police precinct. Even Penelope called him in the middle of everything to bug him about her.

The questions were never-ending, everyone wanted to know how they even started talking, who made the first move, how he plans to ask her out. They were relentless, he almost regretted admitting to anything.

They bug him all throughout the day, all the way until they’re arriving back at the BAU late that same night. He almost doesn’t want to go back to the bullpen and see her with all of them, knowing they were going to follow and say something.

She’s waiting in the hall when the elevator doors open, a pressed-lipped smile on her face, “bad news.”

“Another one?” Hotch sighs, “have Garcia send us the info. Be at the table in 10.” He pushes his way out of the elevator, passed them all as they stare at Y/N.

“Hi?” She awkwardly waves at them all, showing off the bracelet on her wrist.

“See ya, Spence,” JJ and Emily say as they matt his shoulder, dragging Derek and Rossi towards the bullpen doors.

“Sorry,” he apologizes for them softly, stepping into her space.

She wraps him up in a quick hug, keeping one arm around his waist as she guides him towards the bullpen, “it’s fine, they’re going to have to get used to us being together.”

“Together?” He repeats her words.

“I only cry on my boyfriend's shoulders, if you're up for the title?” She teases him softly, pinching his side as they walk towards the doors.

“Can I frame “Dr. Spencer Reid, Y/N’s boyfriend” beside my Ph.D.’s?” He keeps his hand on her shoulder, holding each other slightly as they walk towards her desk. He felt like one of those kids who wouldn’t let go of their girlfriend's hand in the school hallway, attached to her at the hip.

“I’ll make one for you while you’re gone,” she laughs lightly.

They stop at her desk where he sees all rocks he got her collecting on the shelf, as well as a cup of coffee and his favourite kind of donut.

“Thought you deserved something nice too,” she says as she nudges his side.

He kisses her on the cheek as a thank you, “you’re welcome,” she smiles to herself. A feeling of pride growing in both their chests.

“See you later?” He asks as he picks up the coffee and donut, walking away slowly as she smiles at him.

“Come home to me safely, Doctor Reid,” her voice is just loud enough for everyone in the briefing room, where everyone is waiting at the window, watching them, deciding to put on a show in return.

He stops on the steps to look at her softly, “I’d fight a thousand unsubs to come home to you.”

“I’ll leave the light on,” she blows a kiss at him, making him blush a deep red.

He waves, making his way up the steps and into the briefing room. A smile on his face, heart thumping in his chest, all the support in the world swarming around him as everyone patted him on the back.

That tiger’s eye really did bring him good luck and happiness, and her name was Y/N.

[weasleywinchester]

Save Yourself - Chapter 17

You Do Yours, and I'll Do mine

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

Dean Winchester x Female Reader

A new chapter my loves! Life’s been crazy and I’ve watched so many new movies/shows and my brain hasn’t let me circle back to this until the last few weeks! Thank you to everyone who’s been reading and waiting for the next chapters! I can’t wait to delve into this more 💙

Series Summary: "I promise.” Those two words would trap you in a life you never wanted. You are an artist, a hunter, a Winchester. And yet the pain in Dean’s eyes as demanded you live the life he wants you live, you couldn’t say no. You met the Winchesters by chance, found out they were real people. And you figured it was a once in a life time thing, but then Dean called you, and so did a new job. Both leading to the life you wanted, a family that didn’t begin or end in blood and a once in a life time love. And he said leave it, and him behind. Forget. But you can’t. Chapter Summary:

You know Jack’s not a baby, or even your kid, but you could sit and watch him discover the world forever. The questions he asks, the way he absorbs everything like a sponge, discover things he likes and dislikes. Dean on the other hand is waiting for him to turn into his dad, most kids do eventually right? In what could be the biggest fight you two will ever have, will you both let go of the life you’ve both fought so hard to keep?

“Hey you busy?” You smile at Jack from the doorway. He peels his eyes away from the laptop and shakes his head.

“Let’s go.” You nod your head for him to follow. “We’ll be back Sammy.” You yell as you hand Jack his jacket and throw on your own.

“Ok!” He yells back. “Wait, we?” He pokes his head out of his room.

“Me and Jack. Grocery run.” You shrug. It’s not a big deal, what could happen at the grocery store?

“I don’t know about this…” Sam sighs.

“Sammy, how can we tell him who or what to fight for if he doesn’t experience things for himself?”  You wrap your arms around his waist and give him the best sad eyes you can muster. 

“You’re supposed to only use that face on Dean.” Sam grumbles as he hugs you back.

“We’ll be back in a couple of hours.” You smile.

_______

“How long have you been married to Dean?” Jack asks as you grab things off the shelf and throw them into the basket.

“Ugh… two years.” Woah…

“If two people are married, does that mean they love each other?” He frowns, like every question he’s asked since you both got into the car. Like he’s truly trying to under the complexity that comes with being human.

“Not always. Some people marry for money, some for love, far too many for sex.” 

“But you married for love?” He guesses. He’s been trying to wrap his head around how you could be you, and Dean can be Dean, and how you two are married.

“I did.” You smile. “I know Dean hasn’t been very welcoming, but his childhood, hell, his life hasn’t been easy. He carries the same sadness you do. He and Sam lost their mom when Sam was just a baby.” You sigh, stopping to make Jack look at you. “His trauma does not excuse his behavior. I just want you to know that he’s not such a butthead all the time. Between his mom…”

“Getting pushed into another dimension?” Jack offers, taking your hand in his.

“That and Cas getting killed, we’re all a bit unsure of what will happen next.”

“He’s scared of losing you and Sam.” Jack concludes.

“Everyone’s scared of losing the people they love. I think Dean’s also scared of losing everything he’s fought his entire life to protect.”

“That’s why you love him, because he’s a hero.”

“One of many reasons.” You nod, holding up a box of Frosted Flakes as a suggestion for breakfast.

“Why is there a tiger on it?” Jack frowns.

“Tony the Tiger is a cereal icon, and you can’t live without trying these.” You toss them into the basket and keep moving down the aisle.

“Did Dean love Castiel?” Jack asks, holding up a box of Apple Jacks. You gesture for him to throw them in the basket.

“More than any of us could understand. Losing him… it’s like Dean lost part of himself.” Truth be told, you all lost a part of yourselves; Cas was supposed to be the one around forever.

“And you’re not sad that he feels that way about Castiel? Many women on tv shows are mad when their husbands love other people…”

“Remind me to block all the reality TV options on everything. But to answer your question: no. Dean was raised to be a soldier, to do as he was told and take nothing for himself. He had to be mom, dad and brother to Sammy before Sam could even talk. The fact that he has chosen to love everyone so deeply makes me happy beyond measure.”

Jack nods, and you can see all the thoughts churning in his head.

“What about the people he chooses not to love?” Jack whispers, his eyes glued to the floor. He was thankful that you and Sam had accepted him so quickly, that you both wanted to help him learn. But the things Dean said the other night swirl constantly around in his head.

“He’ll come around Jack. Once he realizes you’re like us, trying to help the world be better.”

“Can I tell you something? Something Dean said?” He looks up at you, his eyes filled with worry.

_______

“Dean?” Your voice travels down the hall, the small echo of your bare feet following it.

“In here!” Dean answers from the war table. He’s been scrounging for a case, anything he can give a good ol’ punch to the face and keep the kid away from him.

“Have a minute?” You ask, leaning against the doorway. 

Sam and Dean share a look; your smile is sticky sweet, voice smooth as honey, which  means one thing: you’re ready to shoot someone dead.

“Sure sweetheart.” Dean turns to you, giving you the cutest smile he can.

“Good. We’ll be back Sammy.” You grab your bag and slip on a pair of shoes. “Jack I’ll be back in a little bit!” You toss over your shoulder as you pass his room on the way to the garage.

“Is it me or was that-“ Dean frowns.

“I would hurry before she kills you in here. I don’t want to mop up your blood.” Sam rolls his eyes. Dean shoots him a glare and quickly grabs his stuff. When he steps into the garage you’re standing next to your car.

“You don’t want to take baby?” Dean motions to where she’s sitting pretty.

“No. Get in.” You slide into your little blue Subaru and start the engine.

She would never give up a chance to drive baby… or for me to drive. Dean thinks to himself. He slides into the passenger seat and buckles in, his mind racing through everything that’s happened in the last few weeks. He can’t pinpoint anything stupid that would make you this pissed, at least nothing you should know about.

You easily guide your car through the familiar streets until you turn onto a dirt road. The same dirt road that leads to the same lookout point where you two started your life together, and the one place where it feels like you two might fall apart.

“My turn to ask why we always end up here?” He jokes, turning to you. But you’re not laughing; in fact, you look like you’re hanging on by a thread. “Baby-”

“Did you tell Jack you would kill him?” You push through your teeth, your grip on the steering wheel tightens so much he can see your knuckles are white even in the dark.

Fuck. Dean rubs his hand over his face, taking a few deep breaths before he comes to the same conclusion he always does when you two are sitting here in the dead of night: might as well spill it all.

“I told him when the time came-“

“Are you fucking kidding me-“ you curse, hitting the steering wheel and getting out of the car. Dean jumps a little when you slam the door but doesn’t move, watching as you put your hands behind your head and start walking in a small circle. After a few minutes he gets out of the car and walks over to you.

“He’s the son of LUCIFER!” He bellows.

“I’m aware!” You shout back. “But you don’t tell anyone that when they eventually turn evil you’ll kill them!” You wave your arms around. “That only makes them believe they’re a monster!”

“He is!”

“He’s a CHILD, DEAN! A CHILD!” You poke him in the chest, even if you’d rather punch him in the nose.

“He’s the son of the devil. Remember everything Lucifer’s done to Sam? To you?” He watches you pace back and forth, he’s never seen you this pissed. He’s the one who gets pissed, who yells and throws daggers out of his eyes, not you.

“What was Lucifer born as, Dean?” You snap, giving him no time to think before answering “a FUCKING ARCHANGEL! An angel, Dean! Not born to be evil! He rebelled! And you know why? Because dad wouldn’t listen! It’s God’s way or to hell you go!”

“That is an extreme oversimplification.” Dean shoots back. 

“My point is even Lucifer wasn’t born evil. He was shaped that way. We have to help Jack-“

“No, not you too. You and Sam think you can save him-“

“We could at least try! He’s literally days old! He doesn’t even know how to be human!” You slam your hand on the hood of the car. We just told the men of letters to go shove their ‘all monster are bad’ ideals up their ass and he’s acting like this. You take a big breath in and look up at Dean.

“I know he’s half Lucifer,” You say softly, reaching for him, “but he’s also half Kelly. Sweet, kind, faithful Kelly. That has to count for something.” 

“Does it?” He asks after a moment of silence. He can’t believe you’re siding with the literal spawn of satan. 

“Yes.” You shake your head in disbelief. “Dean, we’ve all been saved from something. Fuck, Sam literally drank demon blood, and you didn’t kill him.”

“Hey-That’s my little brother, it’s different than being the devil’s kid.” He grumbles. “Why are you so intent on this? Is this because we haven’t had a kid? I know we talked about having them but it’s just-”

“He’s the last thing we have of Cas.” You blurt, feeling the tears forming in your eyes.

“What?” 

“Cas gave his life for Jack. He knew before Jack was born that he was meant to do good.” You plead, taking Dean’s jaw in your hand and making him look at you. “You spend five minutes with the kid and you’ll see how much he’s like Cas. Just a baby in a trench coat.”

“Cas is gone.” Dean states, his voice flat. You can see the wall he’s building inside, an addition to the moat he’s already built around himself.

“You’re not the only one who loved him. You’re not the only one who has to figure out how to let go of the one person who was supposed to outlive us all. The one who was supposed to be waiting for us on the other side.” Your words get lost in your throat as a few tears free fall down your face. “We owe it to Cas to at least try.”

Dean gently wipes away tears that now stream down your face, disappointed that he is once again the reason they’re there.

“I can’t.” He croaks, his own tears falling down his face.

_______

Sam hasn’t moved since you and Dean left. He’s read the same news page about a million times but he still can’t remember if it could be a case or not. The sound of his phone temporarily breaks his trance, his mouth automatically answering the question and dialing another hunter to put them on the case. The faint sound of the garage opening puts all his senses on alert and he pushes himself out of his chair. You barely have time to walk through the door before he wraps his arms around you.

“Where’s Jack?” You mumble into his chest.

“Still in his room.” Sam mumbles into your hair. He feels you squeeze him a little harder and let go. He reluctantly does the same, watching you as you throw your stuff into your room and head towards Jack’s. 

Dean comes to stand next to his brother, not excited about the ear full he’ll get from him. He watches as you wipe your eyes on your sleeve, take a deep breath in and put a smile on your face as you open the door to Jack’s room. He can hear how happy you sound, and how Jack happily answers back. The door clicks shut and Dean lets the air in his lungs woosh out.

“You'll never believe this. I got a call from Missouri Moseley.” Sam frowns, not bothering to look at Dean as he walks back into the library.

“Wow. What's it been? Like, a decade?” Dean asks, taking a seat at the table next to him.

“More.”

“How is she?”

“Not great.” Sam sighs, rubbing his eyes. “She said she got out of the life for a while, but something happened, and she needed help with a case, so I put Jody on it.”

“Why would you do that?” Dean scolds.

“Because we need to stay here. We need to help Jack learn how to control his powers. Jody can handle this.” Sam waves him off.

“Yeah, maybe she can. Or maybe she ends up dead because you wanted to skip out on her to babysit the Antichrist.” Dean snaps at him. We still have a job to do, and it’s not babysitting dammit.

“Dean, we need him.” Sam tries to reason, although they’ve had this conversation so many times Sam’s not sure why he bothers.

“No, we don't. If you wanna stay here and Mr. Miyagi this kid, knock yourself out. I didn't sign up for that, so I'm gonna go to work.” He pushes himself out of his chair and stomps down the hall to find you.

“This is when Cas came to visit my parents. The dogs absolutely loved him.” You smile as you slide through pictures on your phone. You’re sitting next to Jack on the bed, a box full of printed photos in between the two of you as you try to find every photo of Cas. Dean quietly observes; is that what you would do with your future kids? Bring out old boxes of photos and share the stories behind them? Teach them how to be good and kind despite the Winchester blood running through them? He snaps himself out of the endless questions, gently knocking on the door frame.

“Headin’ out on a case.”

“Have fun.” You say, not looking at him.

“You want to join me? Think Sam can-”

“No.” You shrug, looking over Jack’s shoulder to see what picture he’s found.

“What?” Dean raises his brows. You were the one who was dying to hunt, and who’s been on every case with him for the last few weeks.

“Be right back.” You tell Jack, sliding off the bed and leading Dean to your bedroom.

“Told you, I want to help Jack.” You sigh as you close the door.

“Do you have a work project?” Can’t just be the kid. Maybe this is what-

“No. I want to stay and help Jack.” You say a little more forcefully this time. Dean’s looking at you like you’re insane.

“You haven’t had to go home for a while.” Dean comments. If you two are going to fight, might as well get it all out there.

“Changed jobs.” You shrug.

“What?” He demands.

“Remember a few weeks ago you said ‘me, you and the family business’?” You spread your arms wide and gesture at the bunker around you. “This is it. Full time baby.”

“We should have talked-”

“Like how we talked about what to do with Jack?” You scoff. You love Dean with every fiber of your being but damn that Winchester stubbornness.

“We agreed to slowly ease you into this. This is not slow (Y/N)!”

“When have either of us done anything slow? And even if we did, we literally couldn’t take things ANY slower! We’ve been married TWO YEARS. Two years I have been living two different lives and I’m tired.” 

Dean rolls his eyes, you’re being stubborn and it’ll get you killed and he sometimes wishes he could lock you in a tower where you can paint and sew and bake and not hunt monsters.

“But that doesn’t matter right? Because Dean knows best.” You curl your tongue behind your teeth. “So go hunt the boogeyman, I’ll stay home, away from monsters and eagerly wait for you to return. That’s what you want, right?” You shoot him a glare and yank the door open, leaving a stunned Dean behind.

_______

A Week later

“So, he is adamant that this kid is going to turn to the dark side?” Emma shouts from her spot in the kitchen.

“Ya, but Sam and I think he can be good. Even a hero.” You say. You’ve known Emma before she was born; she’s the little sister of your best friend and their family is basically your second family. You needed space from the bunker, because even though Sam took Dean hunting, you can feel him everywhere. Headlights flash through the window, signaling Natalie managed to sneak away for the night.

“Does Dean not-” Emma starts and is quickly interrupted by her front door slamming open.

“Fuck dude, it’s pouring!” Natalie giggles, trying not to drag too much water and mud into the house. She quickly sheds her jacket as you meet her half way for a big ol’ bear hug.

“You made it!” You smile.

“Dude, we family. Anytime you need me I’m there.” She snaps a finger gun at you.

“You got stuff in the car?”

“Ya don’t worry-”

“Nope! I got it!” You gesture for her to sit as you throw on a coat and shoes. You walk outside and brace for the rain. When you don’t feel anything you look up to see you’re not in Oklahoma anymore. The room is sleek and shiny, rows of books on shelves that seem to never end.

“Sorry to interrupt girls night in.” A smooth voice echoes around you. “Perhaps one day we’ll meet when there’s an actual death.”

You turn to the voice, watching as Billie steps out from behind the bookcase.

“There was a fake death?” You frown.

“You’ve been a Winchester long enough to know the answer.” She smiles. You slowly nod, your stomach uneasy from the look in her eye.

“I’m sure Dean has told you I am now Death.” She begins to circle you, eyes cold like a shark. “And with my new role I am privy to a much larger picture. One that heavily involves your husband and his brother.”

“And what does that have to do with me?” You ask. It must be important enough that she’s here to tell you to stay or go.

“Dean’s changed. He’s not the same pesky Winchester that refused to die. The one who always thought he could win.” She sits on the table in front of you, taking a deep breath. “He told me something today that surprised me. He was ok with… that he wanted to die.”

Your breath hitches in your throat. You knew this fight was bad but…

“He said that he couldn’t save Mary, Castiel, or even a kid. And that he was dragging you and Sam down.”

“He’s not.” You defend. Dean may be the world’s biggest idiot sometimes but you would never want him to feel like he should be dead dead.

“Exactly. The path he’s on will serve the greater good.” Billie pushes herself off the table, putting her hand on your shoulder. “And I need you to help keep him there.”

“Billie how-” You blink and are suddenly soaked to the bone, rain pelting you right in the face.

“You ok out there?” Emma shouts through the kitchen window. You turn and give her a thumbs up and run into the house.

“I’m need to call Dean.” You tell them both and walk into Emma’s office. You hit the speed dial and impatiently wait for him to pick up.

“Hey it’s Dean. Leave a message.”

“Dean… Please pick up. I need to know you’re-”

“(Y/N)!” The girls call. You walk back into the living room to see your two big piles of flannel standing by the front door.

“You’re ok?” You ask, you want to run to him but your legs don’t seem like they’re attached to your body anymore.

“No.” He shakes his head. You can see Sam in the background frowning at Dean. “I can’t save mom. Or Cas. How am I supposed to keep you safe?” He swallows hard, his eyes frantically searching yours.

“By being a team you dingus.” Your voice wobbles as you close the small distance, pulling him down so his lips meet yours.

“I love you.” You mumble against his mouth.

“I love you too.” He smiles back. You can hear everyone else in the room shuffle awkwardly, which makes you smile.

“Dinner ready?” You turn to Emma.

“Yes ma’am. Although my table only fits three so we’ll have to eat on the couch.”

“We didn’t mean to crash your girls' night.” Sam shrugs.

“As long as these two were back to being love stupid for each other, all that mattered.” Natalie pats his shoulder and grabs a plate. Everyone follows suite, the five of you chatting about anything and everything. As you help Emma with the dishes Dean’s phone lights up.

“Ya?” He grumbles into it. After a moment of silence you and Sam look over to see Dean in shock.

“What?” You ask.

“We have to go.”

_______

“How'd it go?” Jack eagerly asks, wrapping you in a hug. 

“Well…” Dean shifts from foot to foot. Jack shoots an inquisitive look at you and you give him a small smile.

“Jack, um…” Sam begins, not sure how to say it outloud.

“What's wrong?” Jack’s face turns to concern. The three of you shuffle out of the way.

“Hello, Jack.”

“Castiel?” Jack whispers, not quite believing what he’s seeing.

“Yeah,” He smiles as Jack envelops him in a big hug. 

“We burned your body, and what's burned stays dead. How…” Jack puts Cas at arms length, keeping his hands on his shoulder as if to make sure he doesn’t fly away.

“Well, that's the question we've been askin'.” Dean states, his arm wrapping around your waist.

“Jack… did you, uh… Did you bring Cas back?” Sam asks, all eyes shifting to Jack.

“I don't know. I wanted him back. I…” His frown deepens the more he thinks about it, “I begged for him to come back, but…”

“Well, here he is.” Dean gestures to Cas. Jack’s eyes flit from Cas to each of you, and back.

“Because of me?”

‘We don't know.’ Sam shakes his head. “We don't know, Jack. But we– we– we think maybe.” He shrugs, trying to gauge Jack’s reaction. Cas clears his throat and puts his hands gently on Jack’s shoulders.

“Thank you, Jack.”

“I missed you so much.” He swallows Cas in another hug, squeezing him with everything he has.

“Sam and (Y/N)  tell me you're doing well. Learning a little about everything.”

“I am. I… Watch this.” Jack skips to the library table, jutting his hand out and concentrating on the pencil that’s on the table.

“Jack that’s amazing!” You clap, both of you sharing the same big grin.

“I can move the pencil now!  And… I found a case. A hunter's case.” He says more seriously, taking a seat at his laptop.

“What kind of a–” Dean sighs.

“Zombies.” Jack states, turning to Cas. “I know what zombies are now.” He quickly brings up the news article and turns the computer so you can see.

“Wait. Where'd you learn to do that?” Dean asks. You can feel his fingers start diggin into your sides.

“He’s a kid, they learn a lot of things wicked fast.” You pat his chest, giving him a look to tell him to relax.

“Watching you. And Sam.” Jack agrees. “Three days ago, a vintage pocket watch with a personal inscription was sold at a pawn shop. But when they went to authenticate it, they found out that it'd been buried with its owner… 20 years ago. And when they checked out the grave, it was empty. Which means… the dead are rising in Dodge City, Kansas.”

“Guess we better saddle up huh cowboy?” You whisper to Dean. He gives your side a playful squeeze. You look over at Cas, who looks concerned.

“Right. O-or maybe it's a-a grave robbery, but…” Sam explains as he looks over the article. Jack lets out a disappointed oh, he was so sure this could be a case, another chance to prove he’s good.

“Yeah, but we should probably check it out.” Dean shrugs.

“Wait. Really?” Cas frowns, giving him a glare.

“Yeah, we've done more on less. Besides Dodge City's kind of, uh, kind of awesome.” He flashes a smile and starts walking the two of you down the hall. “All right, well… two salty hunters, the most patient woman on earth, one half-angel kid and a dude who just came back from the dead, again. Team Free Will 2.0. Here we go.”

_______

Next Chapter ->

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[ernmark]

For whatever reason (the texture? the taste? my history of bad luck with the short shelf life?) I just Can't with store-bought bread, and I don't have it in me to make my own. I also don't have it in me to do meal-planning or shopping for new stuff.

Fortunately, my mom showed me how she makes crepes. For whatever reason, my executive dysfunction doesn't Forbid it the way it does other kinds of cooking, so it's given me the ability to refuel.

So here's the recipe for you, in case you find it helpful.

For serving just myself, I use:

1 egg

A spoonful or so of flour

A pinch of salt

some milk

(My mother doesn't believe in measurements, but I'd estimate maybe a teaspoon to tablespoon each of milk and flour)

RECIPE

Whisk these ingredients together with a fork until it's "the consistency of melted ice cream". If it needs to be thicker, add more flour, if it needs to be thinner, add more milk. Thicker batter makes more cakey crepes, more watery batter makes them thin. I prefer thin, myself.

Put some butter/oil on a pan to grease it up, then pour on the batter. Kind of swish the pan around so the batter covers the entire cooking surface of the pan.

Cook on the stove on medium heat, checking occasionally to see if you can lift up the outer edges of the crepe with a spatula. At this point, I start wiggling the pan around to see if the crepe moves around as one cohesive whole, or if it's got spots where it's not quite solid. If it moves as one whole, use the spatula to flip it over.

Now that it's flipped, you can add stuff.

If you prefer sweet, you can add Nutella, peanut butter, fruit, brown sugar, etc.

For more savory, I tend to add whatever sandwich fixings I've got that don't go bad too fast-- sliced sandwich cheese and turkey/ham/whatever.

For savory, I tend to put the cheese directly on the crepe as it's cooking, then put the meat on it, then a drizzle of bbq sauce because that's what they do at that one crepe kiosk I've been to.

Once you've got your toppings on, either fold it in half or roll it up like a little enchilada, and it's ready to eat.

---

Between the milk, egg, cheese and meat, it's got enough protein to help get me functional again.

I'd put this on a medium-term as far as shelf-stable goes-- staples like milk and lunchmeat tend to stay usable longer than fresh vegetables, thanks to the power of preservatives. It also stretches out basic ingredients further than other recipes I've used-- my cereal uses a ton more milk, and it takes a lot of vegetables, meat and cheese to make sandwiches remotely palatable to me when I get this way. Putting things on crepes helps me to stretch out the ingredients and make them go further than they otherwise would.

Also it feels fancy as fuck, which helps to fight back against the cycle of self-loathing that tends to hit me at these times.

[dancing-in-a-yellow-dress]

Trapped Little Angel (part 1)

Welcome to the first part of the first fanfic on this account.

Child!reader x the Avengers

Word count: 2900

Trigger warning: Imprisonment, nightmares, non graphic descriptions of violence and injuries, possible trigger for eating disorders

--

You were a 14-year-old orphan living alone in New York, since your family had died in the explosion that gave you your powers. Your powers were similar to Wanda’s (telekinesis and all that jazz). You got them when you were 7, but for whatever reason they hadn’t been active before that day.

It was a basic September day with all of its rain and fog and clouds. You were walking on the street when suddenly you blacked out and your powers exploded out of you destroying property and hurting people everywhere around you. The Avengers were called to action and they evacuated the block and when you’d cooled off a little they took you into custody and to the Avengers tower.

You had passed out and they didn`t really know what to do with you, so they laid you down on the couch and began a debate about the subject.

Tony believed firmly that you were dangerous to the team and the best thing for everyone would be to lock you up isolated and unstimulated to avoid new outbursts until a better option would be available. Steve backed Tony up to an extent, although he did believe the isolation to be unnecessary. Bruce didn’t really voice his opinion on confinement that much, instead focusing on the medical aspect of the situation.

Clint doesn’t really say much during the argument, before Tony raises the possibility of indefinite imprisonment in isolation. That is what finally gets to him, since you are just a kid and remind him of his own daughter. Wanda argues firmly against any form of forced imprisonment. In her opinion you needed medical attention, after which instead of locking you up the team should be focused on helping you control and develop your powers in a beneficial way.

Natasha is uncharacteristically quiet for the whole debate. Something about you had got to her and she found it hard to think of the situation objectively without a massive bias. Peter was on ‘your side’ for sure. To him you were a troubled kid who just happened to need some help. In a way he saw himself in you.

You start to regain consciousness about halfway through the argument. The Avengers are taken back at first, but when you are very confused and scared, Nat and Clint (who are the most ‘neutral’ participants) tell you what happened. When you have gotten the big picture you ask shakily: “How many people did I hurt? What’s the damage?” The others are hesitant to tell you, but Tony is highly pissed at you, so he takes his tablet and shows you some pics of the place where the accident happened. Wanda shoots him a death glare, but he continues and reads the statistics to you: “At this exact moment there are 9 people dead, 27 in critical condition and 56 with milder injuries. All because of your little stunt.” At this point you have pulled your knees to your chest and are struggling to breathe. Steve and Clint look at Tony like he has lost his mind and Nat tries to calm you down. You are repeating the same things over and over again: “I didn’t mean to- It’s all my fault… I don’t know how- What- I didn’t mean to…” Nat was approaching you, her hand reached out ready to stroke your back and pull you into a hug. She says: “We know. Everything will be alright, it’ll be alright. It wasn’t your fault, we’ll sort this out. It’s okay, you’re okay. We don’t blame you, but right now you need to calm down.” You flinch away from her, panic shining in your eyes: “No! Don’t touch me! I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t control it… I don’t understand- I didn’t mean to…” Suddenly you look desperately at Tony “You have to lock me up. I’m dangerous. I can’t be trusted. I have to be put away. Please”, you beg, surprising all of the other people in the room. Peter is about to say something, but Tony cuts him off.

You stand up and Clint shows you the way to a quite big cell. You step in and he shuts the door behind you. You sit on the floor in the corner and pull your knees to your chest. You just blankly stare at the wall. You noticed that there was a camera in corner of the room near the roof as you stepped inside, but you didn’t care. What did it matter. As you stayed on the floor the team was reheating the discussion whilst keeping an eye on the monitor that showed footage from your cell.

Wanda and Peter were shouting at Tony for locking you up in an isolation cell. Natasha and Clint were a bit calmer, but they were backing Wanda and Peter up. At some point Tony says: “You heard the kid. She wanted to be locked up. Even she thought it would be the best option”. And that sets Natasha off: “Yeah, after you had scared the poor thing on the verge of a panic attack. That wasn’t fair play. You drove her to that decision and you know it.” Then Peter fires: “Besides the whole ‘she decided herself’ excuse is bullshit. She’s a kid. SHE’S 14. I’m 17 and you don’t trust me to do anything yet, so how again is she any different?” That shuts Tony up.

In the end the team comes to the conclusion, that they will be monitoring you strictly and willing people will be allowed to go talk to you. All except Peter (just for the first few days) who is infuriated to no end by the decision.

The first person to come talk to you is Wanda. She comes and talks for a while, but you can’t make any sense of what she’s saying. After a while she leaves shutting the door behind her. Steve also comes to question you, and even though this time you understand what he is saying you can’t find the energy to answer him in you. Clint brings you something to eat and drink, but you don’t move a muscle to acknowledge the act. Time sort of looses its meaning to you as you sit on the floor and stare into nothing, alone with your thoughts, the same thoughts over and over and over again.

Nevertheless, you know some time has passed when Natasha comes through the door with another tray filled with food. She places it carefully on her untouched bed and sighs deeply before speaking: “You should really start eating on your own. It’s been two whole days and you haven’t taken a bite. I get that its hard, but you’ve got to try. Otherwise we’ll have no choice but to put a feeding tube down your throat and trust me kid, that does not feel good.” She gives you another look, then turns around and walks out. Slowly you straighten your legs on the floor.

You hadn’t really noticed how much your muscles were hurting for being in the same position for so long before someone pointed it out. You stretched your legs first and then stood up slowly. You went through your body, stretching every muscle one at a time and then sat down beside the bed to eat. You weren’t really hungry, but the threat of getting a feeding tube stuffed down your throat was enough to get you eating.

After you were done with the meal you went back to your corner and sat back down, leaving your legs laying on the floor instead of curling up to a tight bundle. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door and Wanda walked in. She picked the tray up and looked down at you, clearly assessing the situation before finally saying: ”Hey, I was wondering if you needed to use the bathroom.” You didn’t answer her but stood up and stepped timidly few steps forward so that she knew you’d be coming along. She guided you through the hallways and into a bathroom. “There is a towel on the counter and shampoo on a shelf in the shower. Take as long as you need. I’ll pick up some clean clothes for you and bring them here. Okay?” You didn’t say a word but nodded and opened the door to the bathroom. After half an hour you were back in your cell but feeling significantly cleaner and comfier.

Instead of sitting back in the corner on the floor you sat on your bed and crossed your legs. You didn’t know why, but you felt like it, so you started singing, first just humming quietly, then adding the words to the song. It was an old lullaby your mom had sang to you more than once. Some things just had a way of sticking with you.

`Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

nyt kuuluu keijujen äänet

Ne tanssivat taas koko yön laulaen

koko yön laulaen.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

taas syttyy tähtöset pienet

Ne oottavat taas läpi yön loistaen

läpi yön loistaen.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

nyt sammuu keijujen äänet

Ne liitävät taas ylös luo tähtien

ylös luo tähtien`

Then you sang it over again, this time in English

If your quiet, very quiet,

you can hear sound of the fairies

They’re dancing again through the night until day

through the night until day

Very quiet, almost silent

the stars are lighting the sky

they’re waiting again till the night fades away

till the night fades away

If you’re quiet, very quiet

you can hear sound the fairies

they race through the sky so they’ll be near the stars

so they’ll be near the stars

You sang the song a couple times over and finally you got to the last part you had made up on your own. You always ended it there, since you could never continue singing after that.

Hyvin hiljaa, hyvin hiljaa

ei kuulu keijujen äänet

Ne lähtivät taas minut yksin jättäen

minut yksin jättäen

Even if you’re very quiet

you won’t hear sound of the fairies

they flew up the sky leaving me alone behind

leaving me alone behind.

You broke down sobbing. Clint was sitting at the monitor, and he thought it’d be best not to disturb you, so you were left alone as you start humming another melody your mom taught you.

Joka ilta kun lamppu sammuu ja saapuu oikea yö Niin Nukku-Matti nousee ja ovehen hiljaa lyö On sillä uniset tossut ja niillä se sipsuttaa Se hiipii ovesta sisään ja hyppää kaapin taa

”I didn’t know she was finnish” Nastasha said to clint as she sat next to him with two cups of tea. “Finnish?” Clint asked as they listened to the beautiful melody coming from the lonely cell. Nat was quiet for a while before saying “Yeah. The language is absolutely bizarre.” They sat in silence for another while, until Clint said: “She sounds miserable” “Yeah, but who wouldn’t. I’m guessing she has no family, since no one has come asking for her.”

Ja pieni sateenvarjo on aivan kallellaan Ja sinistä unien kirjaa se kantaa kainalossaan Ja unien sinimaahan se lapset autolla vie Surrur, surrur ja sinne on sininen, uninen tie

Ja siellä on kultainen metsä, ja metsässä kultainen puu Ja unien sinilintu ja linnulla kultainen suu Ja se unien sinilintu se lapsia tuudittaa Se laulaa unisen laulun joka mielen uneen saa

Your mum never taught you that song in English. You had tried translating it, but it always turned out so peculiar you had eventually given up.

When you felt like you had cried enough you stopped with the finnish and started going through songs you had heard somewhere else, altering the lyrics as you went.

You hadn’t sung anything in weeks and now you just couldn’t stop. It felt good. You went over your favorites altering lyrics and making up new verses, not wanting the song to end. As you sang you thought about mum and home. In the outside world they were forbidden things, because they made it hard to focus on surviving. But here she had all the time in the world to think. After hours and hours she finally laid down on the mattress and drifted to sleep

Tony had just started his shift watching you through the monitor and you were having a nightmare. You were curled up in a ball and whimpered and muttered quietly, as tears ran down your face. You dug your nails into your back and started scratching leaving bloody red marks behind. Then you started screaming. The sound echoed through the halls, but Tony didn’t know what to do, so he ended up doing nothing, just staring at the screen paralyzed. It went on for a while, until you finally flinched so violently you woke up.

You were in a state of panic, but as you realized where you were it started to wear off. Little by little you started to feel the pain from the bloody scratch marks on your back and arms. You examined your injuries to the best of your abilities and then looked at the floor while talking sheepishly at the camera in the corner of the room: “If you don’t mind I’d like to have something to wrap these cuts with. I might also need some help with the ones in my back. Its not a big deal, but I don’t want them to get infected.”

The screaming had woken up Natasha and Steve who were now standing behind Tony, looking at the screen over his shoulders. Tony cleared his throat before turning around in his chair and facing the other two. They both had their arms crossed on their chest. Steve looked surprised as hell, but Natasha was quick to recover. She threw Tony an icy stare before saying: “Should we think the imprisonment over again, or is she still too dangerous for you to handle?” Tony raised his hands before saying: “Let’s think that over in the morning, when the whole team is up. Now, would you mind going to help her with the injuries?” Natasha threw Tony another dirty look, before grabbing the first aid kit and heading to your cell.

Nat came, and you laid on the bed on your stomach. She lifted your shirt, poured antiseptic solution on a cloth and warned you: “I’m sorry, but this is gonna hurt like a bitch.” She pressed the cloth gently on your back and you shrug. “It’s not that bad. You get used to pain as a homeless kid. Once I had to remove a bullet from my own shoulder.” There Nat saw an opportunity get little bit more information of you and continued the conversation: “Must be tough. I suppose you don’t have any family left?” “Yeah, mum and dad and Tom died… in an accident” you tensed up visibly. Nat continued unbothered but didn’t bring up the deaths again. “I heard you sing the other day. Didn’t know you were finnish.” “Oh, I’m not. My mom was.” “So, can you speak finnish or what?” “Nah, not anymore anyways. I used to, but I haven’t used it in a long time. Some things just stuck with me, like the songs, or silly pet names mum used to call us.” For some reason you felt really safe with Natasha. Her touch reminded you of home as she worked to clean your wounds and then wrap them with clean gauze. You knew it was silly, but it just felt so good to finally talk to someone, so you kept answering her as she continued asking questions. “Pet names, huh. What did she call you?” “She used to call me Lumikki. It’s the finnish for snow white. It’s cheesy as hell, I know but we lived in a little cottage in the woods, and I was obsessed with Disney.” Natasha smiled at you. “Do you remember anything else about your mum.” “She had the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard. She sounded like an angel. Sometimes I hear her in the wind.” You pause for a minute “And she was a dancer. She used to be a ballerina, but then she had us and her career ended. She never quit dancing though. Once in a while she’d put on her slippers and go through some old routine, like she had never stopped. She even taught me some basics.” Natasha was quiet for a moment. Then she cleared her throat and continued: “Did you have any siblings?” “Yeah”, you were quiet for a moment, not rushing to continue “One brother. His name was Tuomas, but we all called him Tom. Three years older than me. He was my best friend.” A tear fell down your cheek. Natasha was almost done with wrapping your back so she asked one more question. “How about your dad” You shrugged. “He was a hunter. Spent most of his time with Tom out in the forest when I stayed in with mum.” Nat packed the medical supplies back to the first aid kit and pulled your shirt down so that it covered your back. Then she helped you sit up and said: “I can’t promise anything yet, but we’re having another meeting with the team about your… condition and I believe you might get out of here.” She saw the unsure look you gave her. “Don’t worry” she said as she took your hand “Everything will be alright. I promise”

--

Sorry, I have absolutely no idea what is going on with the spacing, tried to fix it but it wont budge... Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter!

[just-jordie-things]

Ghost

word count: 11,648 warnings: swearing, mentions of death, reader is an orphan,  summary: John B was the closest thing to family that (y/n) had left, and now he’s gone and disappeared.  Fortunately JJ’s there to help her feel whole again. based on this song ___

[ yelling at the sky, screaming at the world // baby why’d you go away?... heaven only knows where you are now ]

August 10th, 9:30 p.m (The Night Of The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“Unfortunately… we lost them” Officer Thomas said, hanging his head shamefully.

Pope broke down right away, Kiara at his side, comforting him with a hug and soft words.

“What do you mean you lost them?” JJ asked, jumping straight to anger.  “They’re just gone? They’re dead!?”

(y/n) stood back, glancing down at her cold hands, finding that they’ve begun to shake with the new information.  She didn’t know how to process what she was hearing.

“We don’t know for certain-” Thomas tried to explain, but JJ wasn’t having it, he lashed out completely.

“You drove them right into the storm!” He yelled, lunging for the cop, grabbing him by his shirt and shaking him violently.  “You killed them-!”

“JJ..” Kiara cried out, clutching tighter to Pope’s side as she began to quietly sob.

He released the cop with a shove, turning back to his remaining friends.  Pope pulled Kiara into his arms, crying into her hair silently.

But (y/n) was frozen in place, her expression hadn’t changed since Thomas had told them what happened.  Tears were streaming down her cheeks quickly, more and more spilling over with each passing second.  Her whole body shook, and she wrapped her arms around herself.  She wasn’t sure if it was the grief or the cold, but either way, her own embrace provided no comfort.

“(y/n/n)- sweetheart…” JJ stepped towards her, his hands outstretched for her to take if she needed, but she didn’t move.  Her eyes didn’t even meet his.

“John B…” She whimpered, her lip quivering as she sniffled.  “Sarah…”

When a sob escaped her, JJ was there in a second, grabbing onto her and holding her as tightly as he could in his arms.  She continued to sob, screaming and crying as her body finally reacted.

She thrashed in his hold, squirming and pushing at him, hands smacking at his arms and chest, trying to pry him off of her, even though deep down all she craved was to be held, comforted.

“It’s not fair! It’s not fair,” She was screaming, drawing the attention of the surrounding officers, as well as the Carreras and the Heywards who had shown up to comfort their children.

But (y/n) had no one to show up for her, they were all dead.

“It’s not fair- It's not fair it’s not fair” She continued to cry against JJ, until her knees gave out and she crumpled to the ground.  

The blonde boy followed with her, gathering her back in his arms no matter how much she fought and pushed him away.

But eventually her body tired out, and she gave in.  He could feel her slump into his shoulder as she rested all of her weight on him.  His own tears soaked into her hair and tee shirt as he dropped his face to her own shoulder.

“Not fair” She mumbled, on repeat, until her crying made her too incoherent to understand.  

He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to do, he’d never seen (y/n) like this before, much less how you were supposed to react when your best friend, and your kinda new friend, were lost at sea.

“I’ve got you,” He said instead, knowing that there were no magic words to heal her.  “I’m here, I’ve got you”

They didn’t fix everything, but they seemed to do the trick, because she finally wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her hands fisting into the material of his shirt as she clutched onto him with the same intensity that he held her with.

They spent hours in that tent, long after Pope and Kiara’s parents took them home, they were still there.  Technically they were supposed to wait for a parent or guardian to pick them up.  But JJ’s father was a coked up piece of shit, and (y/n’s) parents were six feet underground.

She didn’t push him away again.  She spent the whole night in his arms, clinging onto him with an iron grip.  And ever since that night, she hasn’t really let go of him. ___

[ how do i love? how do i trust again? ]

September 10th, 3:00 a.m (One Month After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“Wake up, (y/n/n), wake up”

The girl gasped for air as her eyes flew open, and as quickly as she’d woken up, she settled back into her pillow, eyes falling shut again as she let out a sign.

“I was doing it again, wasn’t I?” She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut tight as she tried not to cry, and tried not to remember the vivid details of her nightmare.

Which was more of a traumatic memory than a nightmare, really.

JJ, who was lying next to her, was quiet as he gazed down at her, watching her calm herself down as best she could.  He always gave her the space to relax on her own before stepping in.  He wanted her to know that she was capable of recovering on her own, but that he would still be there for her as soon as she needed him.

After a few deep breaths, the girl rolled onto her side, her face colliding with his chest as she continued her steady breathing.

“Will you hold my hand?” She mumbled, and he simply nodded, reaching for her trembling fingers, and gently slotting his fingers through hers.  She continued to tap her index finger over the back of his hand at a rapid pace.

She did this for a minute or two before speaking again.

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry, baby, it’s alright,” He murmured to her softly, followed by a kiss to her forehead.  “I’ve got you”

A small choked sound came from her as tears threatened to well up in her eyes again.

She’d spent the last month in bed with him like this.  No matter how much time passed, and no matter how much her grief started to melt away and she began her coping process, she’d still wake up in the middle of the night from awful nightmares.

She hadn’t planned on being a regular guest in JJ’s bed at the Chateau, but she also didn’t have anywhere else to go.  She didn’t have a place of her own, she’d lived at the Chateau since she was six and John Routledge had taken her in.

She was just a child when her parents got into a freak boating accident and died at sea.  She hadn’t understood why she was put in the system, or why she couldn’t go home to her mom and dad.  But for some reason, her friend John B had gotten his dad to take her in, and after a day or two of moving in, she’d understood.

John and John B were her family now.

But then a year ago, John Routledge was declared lost at sea, and it was just her and John B.  It was hard, since he was pretty much the only father she’d ever known, and since he was announced dead, in the same way her parents had been.  At least she still had John B, who was a brother to her.

Fate had a sick sense of humor though, sending him off into a storm, likely killing him.

And she ended up losing him, too.

JJ’s free hand smoothed over her back, caressing her hair, and then rubbing circles over her back again.  He always did his best to comfort her in any way she needed.  And it had been a month of waking up with her to her nightmares, so he always knew just what to do.

“Can we go stay in his room?” She asked quietly.

That was a new request that JJ hadn’t been expecting, but nonetheless, he nodded, and helped her to sit up.  He reached his hands out for her, offering to help her get out of bed, but she limply hung her arms in the air, silently asking him to carry her.

“Alright, you big baby,” He teased in a tired murmur, and leaned over to wrap his arms around her torso, picking her up and pulling her into his chest.

Her legs instinctively wrapped around his hips, and her head laid down on his shoulder.  Had she not been so shaken up, she could have fallen right back asleep.

“But I’m only doing this cause you’re so damn cute” He told her as his hands shifted to hold her from under her legs, and he carefully made his way through the dark to get to John B’s room.

The flirty comment provoked a small and sleepy laugh from the girl.  It wasn’t much, but it was something, and it provided a certain comfort to JJ.  it had been a while since she truly laughed.  He missed the sound dearly.

(y/n) had spent some time in John B’s room during the long summer days.  But she’d never spent the night in it.

JJ would often find her in there, cleaning up, reorganizing his book shelf, playing his CD’s, feeding the fish he’d won at a carnival a year ago that was miraculously still alive- she’d do anything and everything to spend time in there.  To her, it was all that was left of him.

JJ had even caught her putting on his clothes, worn tee shirts, strangely-patterned button downs, sweaters that were too big for her- but she always took them off before anyone could see.  JJ pretended not to notice, and never said anything.  Both because he didn’t want her to feel embarrassed, but also because sometimes when she spent all of her time in that room, he’d feel just the tiniest amount of jealousy, and it made him feel ashamed.

[ i stay up all night, tell myself i’m alright // baby you’re just harder to see than most ]

“Alright, here we go, baby,” He said as he delicately set her down on the mattress.

(y/n) visibly deflated as she melted into the cool sheets.  Her limbs were still wrapped around JJ’s figure, so she pulled him down with her as she got situated, but he didn’t mind.

With great caution, he slipped out of her hold just enough to lay at her side, so that he wouldn’t pass out on top of her.

He watched as she seemingly relaxed for the night, finally.  She pressed her face deep into the pillow her head was under, taking in a deep breath, the lingering smell of cologne and the beach and something that was distinctly John B flooding her senses.

“It still smells like him” She murmured.  She doesn’t sound like she’s going to cry again, but JJ keeps a watchful eye on her, just in case.

When she exhaled, she opened her eyes, meeting his gaze.  He gave her a small smile, which she faintly returned before moving in closer to him.

“Thank you” She whispered as her forehead touched his gently.

His arms wrapped around the small of her back, pulling her into him completely.  And then he kissed her forehead again, and then her nose, before tucking her head against his chest, just under his chin.

She tended to lean her ear against his chest, using the steady beat of his heart to lure her to sleep.

“You don’t have to thank me, sweetheart” He told her, like he had a million times before.

“I know, you always say that,” (y/n) murmured, lips brushing over his neck as she spoke.  “But I mean it anyways.  Thank you, Jay”

Her hand finds a comfortable place to rest just over his heart, and soon she’s drifting back to a seemingly peaceful sleep.  JJ just hopes she makes it through the night.

He lets his hand brush through her hair, untangling the locks until his fingers can run perfectly smooth through it.  He does this until he falls asleep. ___

[ i put the record on, wait till i hear our song // every night i’m dancing with your ghost ]

July 4th, 10:00 p.m (A Month Before The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

Neither of them had made a move yet, but they both knew all too well that there was something between them.  Something fiery and exciting, something soft and intimate.

JJ always flirted with (y/n), long before he realized he actually had feelings for one of his closest Pogue friends.  They’d been friends since they were kids, and they’d technically been living together for the past few months, but only recently had it dawned on him that he was falling in love with her, and it was happening fast.

“As flattering as I find your staring, you look very zoned out,” Her voice drew him from his thoughts, and he found himself grinning as (y/n) walked up to him, beer in hand.

John B and Pope had thrown a Fourth of July kegger, and it was probably the craziest party they’d had in years.  Tourons and Kooks had shown up from all over the island, and every kid on The Cut made an appearance that night.

A couple of Kooks had even brought in their own kegs to help supply the party with enough beer.

But despite all the people here, all the hot Tourons to be exact, JJ had been content that (y/n) had approached him, with her sweet smile and revealing bikini.

“What’s goin’ through that pretty head of yours, hm?” She asked, only half teasing.

All summed had been like this.  The flirting intensified, and they both stopped pursuing one night stands with the Tourons that came to these things.

“Absolutely nothing,” JJ grinned back at her, and she laughed, believing him.  “Where you been all night? Fighting off all these guys I hope?” He asked, half joking.

Coincidentally, a group of basic white tourist boys walked past, one of them letting out a low whistle as their eyes wandered over (y/n’s) figure.

JJ scowled at him, stepping forward threateningly, one of his arms instinctively wrapping around the girl’s waist as he glared down the Touron until he cowered away.

“Wow,” (y/n) chuckled, one of her hands pressing against JJ’s chest, but she didn’t push him away, so he didn’t move.  “You made your point tough guy, jesus,” She said, raising her brows at him.  “Jealous much?”

“Me? Jealous?” He asked with a scoff, to which (y/n) mimicked the sound.

“That’s real hot coming from the most jealous and pissed off guy in the OBX” She teased with a growing smirk on her lips.

“Well, sure, but I’m not jealous of that guy,” JJ told her, gesturing at the lame Touron who was miserably failing at shotgunning a beer.

But as he watched the idiot with an amused grin, (y/n) just smiled up at the blonde boy, admiring his side profile for a moment.

Unlike most stories of friends who became lovers, where they weren’t sure when their friendship blossomed into something more, (y/n) knew exactly when she fell for JJ.

It had been last summer.  They’d been on the HMS Pogue on a fishing trip, and while she’d never been fishing before, she was eager to let JJ and Pope teach her how.  When she caught her first fish, JJ had cheered, but he could tell that it made her sad to throw it in the cooler.  So he told her it was alright if she wanted to throw it back.  He showed her how to carefully take the fish off the lure so it wouldn’t be as hurt, and let her throw it back in the water.

He must have felt her staring, because suddenly he was turning back to her, his eyes locking on hers instantly.

“Look who’s starin’ now” He teased, his fingers brushing against her hips in an attempt at tickling her.

She giggled and wiggled a bit, but she still didn’t pull away from him.

They were very close, so close that if JJ hadn’t been wearing his hat backwards, then its brim would have been bumping into her forehead.  So close, that she could just faintly feel his warm breath hitting the bridge of her nose.  So close, that it would be so easy to kiss him right now.

Curiously, her eyes wandered down to his lips, pink and inviting, begging to be kissed, she thought.  No wonder girls would throw themselves at him, he had the most perfect looking pair of lips.

Of course, before she could decide if it was worth it to throw reason (and the only Pogue rule) out the window, Rafe and Topper were causing trouble somewhere on the beach, and soon JJ was peeling himself away from her and racing off towards the conflict.

He was always there to end it, never one to shy away from a fight.  (y/n) had come to terms with that a long time ago, knowing it was something she’d never be able to change.

But looking back on it, if he hadn’t left her to get his ass kicked by Rafe Cameron, then they probably would have crossed that line between friendship and something more that very night. ___

[ Never got a chance to say a last goodbye ]

September 15th, 9:45 a.m (Two Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

The sun was unrelenting as it shined in through the window, forcing (y/n) to wake up despite her longing to sleep in bed all day.  It wouldn’t be the first time that she refused to get out of bed.

But she told herself that she should.  The sun was telling her that she should.  Even if she did manage to close her eyes and ignore the brightness streaming into the room, she knew she wouldn’t sleep comfortably.

Today, she was going to get up and make herself breakfast.  That felt like a good start for taking care of herself today.

She rolled over with a groan, in an attempt to reach for JJ to see if he was awake.  Some mornings he would wake up before her and she’d find him laying there on his phone, but sometimes he would just peacefully lay there as he waited for her to wake up.

However, as she lazily slung her hand towards the other side of the bed, she only ended up hitting pillows.  And suddenly the easy morning started to turn upside down.

Don’t freak out, she told herself, even as she scurried out of bed.  

Don’t panic, it’s fine, he’s probably just watching tv in the living room.  

As she was about to run out of the room, she decided at the last second it was probably best to throw on a pair of shorts.  The large tee shirt she well fell just past all of her curves, but it would be embarrassing if she ran through the Chateau in front of Pope and Kiara in a worried panic without pants on.

Or maybe he’s making breakfast, like that one time he brought you breakfast in bed, that was really sweet.

None of the calming ideas that crossed her mind actually calmed her, as she searched through the living room, there was no sign of JJ.  The kitchen was empty, the bathroom door was hung ajar, and also empty.

There was a logical explanation for him not being here, deep down she knew that, but then why didn’t he leave a note? Or wake her to let her know he’d be leaving? Why would he leave without saying anything at all? Didn’t he know that this was her worst fear come to life, again?

Panic took over, and next thing she knew she couldn’t take in enough air as her throat closed up and her legs stopped working.  She stood in the living room for a solid minute, hands glued to her head, fists tugging on her hair tightly in a terrible attempt to ground herself to the moment and not spiral any further.

But her heavy breaths turned to sobs and she didn’t know she was crying until she felt the tears on her cheeks.

There’s a logical explanation, there’s a logical explanation, she repeated in her head like a mantra, hoping to god that she’d start believing it soon.

Slowly, she crouched down on the floor, because sometimes when she had panic attacks she got dizzy so it was better to sit down now.

Or maybe he went boating with Pope, they like to fish early in the morning, she thought.  Maybe they hit something, the marsh is always changing with the weather.  Maybe the boat capsized, maybe they drowned to their deaths-

No! Don’t think that!

The sobbing got worse as she assumed the worst, taking in gasping breaths of air, desperate to fill her lungs that felt like they were about to collapse.

Maybe they went into town to pick up breakfast.  Maye they got stopped by Kooks, or Barry, maybe they were murdered in cold blood-

The girl whimpered, trying to ward off the horrific images rolling through her mind, but as terrible as they were, she reminded herself that these weren’t unrealistic worries, that these things had happened before, and would happen again.

He promised me he wouldn’t get on a fucking boat, he promised me he’d start biking around the island, she told herself.  JJ wouldn’t break a promise to her, especially that one, but the anxiety inside of her was still whispering into her ear, telling her that all of her friends very well could have been gone forever.

Maybe he just left.  Maybe he got sick and tired of waiting around.  Maybe he was just being a nice guy the last two months.  Maybe he didn’t care anymore.  Maybe he didn’t miss John B or Sarah.  Maybe he finally fled for the mainland like he’s been talking about since he was a kid.  Maybe he’s with a girl.  Maybe he didn’t care about you anymore.

Her hands covered her face, wishing that she could just stop and focus on something else, calm her breathing.  She wanted to run out of the Chateau and go looking around the island, but she remained frozen on the floor.

“(y/n)?” A voice called, and she could faintly hear the screen door swinging open and then shut.  “Woah, hey, (y/n/n)”

Through blurry eyes, she could just barely make out Pope’s figure, kneeling in front of her.

Pope, Pope is here, she thought to herself, and it sort of helped relax her.  You’re not alone, Pope is here.

She shakily reached her hands out to him, grabbing onto his forearms and anchoring herself to him.

He’s real, he’s right here.  His hands are holding your elbows, he’s real.

“Breathe, (y/n), deep breaths, you can do it,” His initially stressed voice calmed when he realized that she was having a panic attack.  He’d seen her have them once or twice before, but it was always JJ who rushed in and helped her out of them.  “Copy my breathing, can you do that?” He asked.

She nodded her head, eyes meeting his as he took in a long and deep breath, held it for three seconds, and then slowly let it out.  He kept on repeating that action until her exhales weren’t shaky, and her body relaxed.

“There you go, you’ve got it, you’re alright…” He said smoothly.

His thumbs caressed over her arms gently, reminding her silently that he was there for her, that he cared about her.

“You want to talk about it?” He offered, and (y/n) shut her eyes tightly, willing the rest of her tears to dry up.

“I- I woke up and- and-”

When she began to stutter, Pope hushed her soothingly, and helped her through another breathing exercise.

“Okay, now try again,” He said softly, once her breaths evened out again.  “Slowly”

“I woke up,” She said, slowly, and then exhaled.  “And JJ wasn’t there- and then he wasn’t out here-”

When the rambling began again, she breathed in deeply again.

“It’s alright, he’s right outside,” Pope told her, relieved that the problem had an easy solution..  “You want to go out and see him?”

(y/n) nods back at him, and he helps her stand.

“Kie and I came over this morning, we brought donuts,” He said, hugging her into his side.  “We were just on the porch, Jay said you were asleep”

Pope opened the front door for her, as they went onto the porch, and her entire body relaxed as her eyes landed on JJ.

He was sitting on the beat up sofa that had been out there since forever, while Kiara was leaning against the citing of the house, a blunt between her fingers.

JJ smiled as (y/n) came out with Pope, tucked into his side the way a child clings to their mother at large events.

“Morning baby,” He calls to her, and pats the space next to him on the couch, before resting his arm over the back of the cushions.  

In no time she peels away from Pope and is sliding into the space under his arm, her side and her legs pressed up against him.  It feels like that first sip of coffee in the morning, and she forgets about the anxiety attack she’d had just moments ago.

He eyes the way she’s twirling the ring around her thumb, almost obsessively.  She hasn’t taken it off since he’d given it to her, and he doesn’t think she ever will.

“You hungry? Kie and Pope brought donuts” He offered, gesturing to the box on the decorative table Kiara was standing next to.

“Maybe in a little bit” She mumbled, her head falling against his shoulder as she let herself feel relieved.

Some days it was hard to feel content with being content.  But JJ was a huge help with that.  His presence alone was enough to calm her, that much was obvious.

He’s a little thrown off, but wraps his arm around her nonetheless.  His rings are a chill on her hot skin, but it’s somehow comforting.

Panic attack, Pope mouths when the blonde boy looks to him, silently asking what happened.

JJ nods discreetly, before glancing down at the girl under his arm.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly.

Kiara and Pope pretended to argue over the last chocolate sprinkled donut, so that they had a little bit of privacy between them.

“Fine, now,” She whispers back.

Her fingers aimlessly play with the chain around his neck.

“I- I had a panic attack” She admits.

“What happened, sweetheart?” He asked as the tips of his fingers grazed up and down her arm.

She lifts her head to look at him properly, her fingers still twirling his necklace around her fingers.

“Um… you just… you weren't inside…”

It felt embarrassing to admit that something as simple as that had set her off.  When she was in the moment it was a lot more terrifying.  But JJ made sure she wasn’t ashamed of that feeling.

“Well, I’m right here,” He told her with a grin.  “You know you can’t get rid of me that easy” He added, hugging her tight against him and kissing the top of her head.

She always went pink when he did that, that’s why he did it more often than he used to.

“I know,” She mumbled back.  “I just… you know…”

She doesn’t know what she wants to say.  That she’s scared to lose him too? That he’s the only anchor she had left? The only remnants of family she had left? That she loved him more than words could describe?

Whatever she had planned on filling the blank with, JJ seemed to understand her perfectly.  He’d gotten really good at understanding what she was trying to say in between the words she was actually saying.

“I know, baby,” He says softly.

Her head falls back onto his shoulder.  Selfishly, she wished that she could sit here with him like this every day.  Maybe then she'll start to really feel better.

Meanwhile there’s a nagging feeling in JJ’s chest.  Worry, fear, something terrible that began to manifest.  An anxiousness that (y/n) won’t emotionally recover from the disappearance of their friends.

He knew grief took time, that learning to cope took time.  But she’d already had to face those things time and time again, what if this was it? What if this was the last straw, and she gave into them?

His arm around her tightened a little, and (y/n) hummed as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck.  She placed a little kiss there before sighing.

“Thanks, Jay,” She mumbles.  “You always know just what I need”

He doesn’t say anything, just smiles and rubs her arm comfortingly.

Despite her words, he still worries on the inside. ___

[ i gotta move on, but it hurts to try ]

August 10th, 1:00 a.m (The Night Of The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

(y/n) and JJ had been stuck under police supervision for the last three and a half hours, sitting under the large tents, listening to the heavy rainfall while passing officers would offer their condolences.

It was all bullshit though, and it was starting to piss (y/n) off.

But finally they were allowed to go home, and were escorted to the Chateau.  Which is where they stood now.

(y/n) looked like she was glued to the floorboards of the porch, frozen in place like a statue.  The wind whipped at her hair and the rain still hit them even as they stood under the little roof over them.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” JJ said, reaching out to take her hand, but even as he tugs, she hardly moves.  “(y/n)-”

“I don’t want to,” She mumbles, eyes trained on the front door.

A part of her longed to see John B appear, open the door with a laugh and scold the pair for standing outside in the rain.  The harder she looks, the more she wishes to see him there.

“But I don’t have anywhere else to go” She whimpered, finally tearing her eyes away from the door to look at him.

JJ steps forward, his arm wrapping around her back as he slowly guides her inside.  Her feet shuffle along, but they barely lift off the ground, and she’s barely moving.  He’s just glad to get her inside and out of the rain.

“I just don’t want you to catch a cold, sweetheart” He told her, which was true, but he just needed to say anything to get her to come into the house.  He didn’t know what he’d do if she refused.

“I don’t care” She mumbled, but she was already standing at the inside of the doorway.

“Shoes off,” JJ told her, having already left his shoes at the door and was heading into the house.  “You know how JB feels about shoes in the house”

(y/n) nods, shakily, and starts to kick off her shoes

But now all she can think about is the first time she’d accidentally tracked mud into the house, and how funny it was when John B freaked out.  Thinking about it now, it was just sad.

When JJ came back in the room, she was crying again, silently, she might not have even been aware she was doing it.  She was untying the laces on her boots as tears spilled over her cheeks.

“Come on,” He spoke, and suddenly there was a towel wrapped around her shoulders.  “Let’s go get you cleaned up, okay?”

“No,” She mumbled.  “I just want to lay down”

Her hands gripped onto the fluffy towel almost violently, her knuckles were white, and her hands shook from the force.  JJ noticed.

“And you will, but you’ve got to shower first,” He said.  “Look at you, you’re soaked to the bone from the rain-”

“JJ-”

“No arguments, lets go” He replied, quiet and calm as ever.

She gave in, mostly because he didn’t have the energy to argue with him.  And then she was back to shuffling along with him to the bathroom.

She stood uselessly at the door while he turned the shower on for her.

“How hot do you want it?” He asked, one hand on the noz and the other under the stream of water

She shrugged, mumbled incoherently.

“You’ve got to speak up, honey” JJ said.

“I don’t care” She mumbled a little louder, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Yeah you do, I’ll put it on hot” He answered for her, and adjusted the nozzle accordingly.

But as he turned back, about to leave the room, she didn’t bother to move.  Her eyes were downcast, and her hands had released the towel only to wring her hands together.

“Hey, I’ll be in my room, you can-”

“Wait-”

She grabbed his wrist before he could leave the room, and her glossy eyes met his, her mouth opened but no words came out, so she closed it again.  He waited until she could find the right words.

“Please- please don’t leave me in here-”

Her breathing grew ragged and the tears started to fall from her eyelashes, and JJ nodded at her, silently confirming he'd stay so she would feel safe.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stay right here,” He told her, both of his hands wrapping around hers.  “I’ll wait right in here for you, alright?”

She nods, still a bit shaky, but she turns towards the shower and slowly works on taking off her clothes, so he thinks he’s doing the right thing.

In all honesty, he had no idea what the right thing to do was.  As he turned his back to her and stressfully ran his hands through her hair, he didn’t know what to say or do, what the right way to comfort someone was.

He knew that Kiara and Pope were at home with their families, probably hugging, telling each other they love each other, the kind of shit you see in movies.

But you didn’t see this part of the movie.  The part where the girl you love is going borderline catanoic as she stands in the shower, limbs heavy and heart shattered.

Was he supposed to talk to her? Offer what few comforting words he knew how to say? Was he supposed to tell her he was there for her, that he loved her and he would never leave her? Was that an overload of information?

“JJ?” (y/n) called from the other side of the shower curtain.

“I’m here” He said, sitting on the toilet seat so he’d be right next to her.

She peeled back the curtain, just enough to peek her head out, and then held her hand out to him.  A slight frown tugged on his lips, but he reached his hand out to hers anyways, softly clasping onto it, as though if he’d put any pressure into holding it, then she’d break like a porcelain doll.

She closed the curtain again and went about her shower.  It wasn’t a bother with only one hand, but JJ could still hear her soft whimpers from inside.

After ten minutes she turned off the water.

“Close your eyes” She directed, her voice was still a mumble, but without the noise of the water running JJ heard her clearly, and followed her order.

Her hand let go of his as she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself, but it was only briefly, as she was grabbing onto it again as soon as she was covered up.  She gave it a small squeeze to let him know that she was decent.

When he looked up at her, she was staring down at their hands, focused on the rings on his fingers.

The one on his thumb, she had given to him.  Not for a special occasion, she’d just found it in a shop and thought it would look fitting and cool on him.  

She was right.  

He never took it off.

There was another ring on his middle finger, that one was from John B.  He’d swiped it from a second hand shop because it had a neat but very faint engraving of a snake around it.  He’d originally stolen it for himself, but it hadn’t fit right, so he handed it off to JJ.

(y/n) ran the pad of her thumb over the engraving now.  The snake wasn’t very visible, but she could still feel it.

JJ squeezed her hand, drawing her eyes back to his.

She wasn’t whimpering anymore, but the tears hadn’t stopped.  She had to be exhausted.

“I’ve gotta take a shower baby,” He said softly.  “You want to go to bed?”

She shook her head, looking back at his rings.

“You want to wait in here?” He asked.

With a small nod from her, he stood up, pressing a quick and gentle kiss to the crown of her head before turning the water and going through the same routine again.

It took some time as he showered and (y/n) waited for him on the toilet.  When he’d finished and gotten out to find that she was still wrapped in her towel, he’d convinced her to let him help her change into pajamas.

When she’d finished, she wrapped her arms around his neck, stepping forward and hugging him gently, with little to no force at all.

“Alright, let’s get you to bed” JJ said, lifting her up with ease, one arm hooked under her legs and the other.

“You’ll stay, right?” She asks meekly as he brings her to his room.

“Of course” He hums back.

They get situated under the covers, and finally (y/n’s) tears seem to stop.  JJ doesn’t keep his hopes up, though.

He pulls her head to his chest, one arm wrapping around her back at his other hand takes a hold of hers.  For good measure, she hooks her leg over one of his, just to be sure she won’t roll away from him in her sleep.

“You won’t leave?” She murmurs.

The exhaustion and the misery that her body is facing is clear to him as she tilts her head back to look at him.

He gives her a small smile, before letting go of her hand, so that he can take the ring off of his middle finger.  He takes her hand again, and slides it over her thumb.  It’s a little loose, enough that she can twirl it around with ease.

“Now you can have a little bit of both of us with you,” JJ says to her.  “I’m not goin’ anywhere”

She doesn’t quite smile, but her expression relaxes as she looks at him, and he takes it as a good sign.

“I’ve got you, baby” He tells her softly as she settles against him, sleep finally starting to overcome her.

“I can’t lose you too” She tells him right before her body gives out. ___

[ how do i love? how do i trust again? ]

November 10th, 6:30 p.m (Precisely Three Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

(y/n) had been sitting on the couch all afternoon, replaying the day’s events in her head like a flashback scene in a movie.

She’d woken up with JJ, they made breakfast and went on a walk, avoiding the beach.  They went to visit Kiara at The Wreck with Pope, and then went back to the Chateau to do some chores.

(y/n) liked to keep the place tidy and clean.  It gave her something to do, and deep down, she knew that if John B came home, he’d be happy to see everything was just how he left it.  If not a little more organized thanks to her.

And then they’d gotten the call from the Sheriff’s Department.

JJ came into the room, a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of advil in the other.

“Here” He said, handing them both to her.

“I don’t need it, my head doesn’t hurt” (y/n) replied quietly, barely even looking at him.

“Not now, but from the look on your face I can tell it’s going to soon.  Just take it now, please” JJ said, holding out the cup and bottle towards her again.

(y/n) gave in, knowing he was right, and there was no use in arguing with him because he’d only bother her until she just took the pill.

JJ sat down next to her as she swallowed down the medicine, along with a few more drinks of water.  She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was, and suddenly wondered how long she’d been sitting there.

“Where do you think they are?” JJ asked out of nowhere, and she turned to him.

“What?” She asked, voice barely above a mumble.

“John B and Sarah,” He said their names so easily, so casually her heart clenched.  

She almost never spoke their names.  And when she did, she was usually in a fit of tears.

“Where do you think they are?” JJ repeated his question.

(y/n’s) mouth opened, then closed.  And then open and closed again.  She didn’t understand what he was asking.

JJ could tell, and he sat back to stretch out on the soda, his legs kicking out as his back leaned against the arm rest.  (y/n) turned her body to look at him properly, but didn’t crawl into his arms like he’d expected.  She was too confused trying to comprehend what he was saying.

“I think they’re in Florida,” JJ thought aloud, realizing (y/n) wasn’t going to entertain the question.  “And I think they got married”

“Married?” She mumbled, blinking at him.  “You think they’re... alive?”

“Of course,” JJ said, as sincerely as he could.  “Don’t you?”

She doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t have to.

“There’s no way they aren’t.  John B’s a pretty tough guy, and Sarah’s the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.  More stubborn than you” He spoke with such ease, it threw (y/n) off.  

His knee knocked against her side, and he held his hand out to her, beckoning her to lay with him.

Warily, she leaned forward, crawling into the space between his legs, and then flipping over to rest back against his chest.  JJ’s arms wrapped around her middle naturally, and he continued to let his thoughts roam free.

“Do you think they’ve got some new treasure hunt going down there?” He whispered into her ear.

“Yes” (y/n) replied, finally giving in to the conspiracy.

“Yeah?” JJ asked, glad that was entertained by the idea, and hopefully comforted too.

“Yeah… I’ll bet… I’ll bet they’re tracking more gold… or… or jewels… or something”

JJ smiled at how hard she tried to let herself get used to the idea.  He knew how badly she wanted to move on, and how she felt stuck in the past.  This was a significant step forward, and he was more proud of her than he let on.  He just didn’t want her to think he pitied her.

“They’re probably filthy rich by now,” JJ told her.  “She’s probably turned him full Kook”

“In a good way,” (y/n) spoke, her smile shining through her words.  “He was so…”

“Whipped” JJ muttered.

“In love,” (y/n) corrected with a soft exhale.  “They only had a week together before they… left,” She said carefully.  “And I… I’ve known John B my whole life and he’d never looked at anyone the way he looked at Sarah”

From where her head laid on his chest, JJ couldn’t see well, but he just knew that she was smiling as she spoke, reminiscing in the good memories.

“So you think they got married when they got to Florida?” JJ asked, speaking it like it was a truth.

“Yeah, I think they just might have,” (y/n) said.  She thought for a moment, and then let out a small giggle.

He was surprised by the sound, especially when it erupted into more joyous laughter.

“You know,” She ponders aloud, “I think that when they got wherever they were headed, and realized they were safe and alive, he proposed to her right then”

“Yeah?” JJ asked, amused, and revelling in the sound of her laughter.  

He had missed the sound so much, he’d worried he’d never hear it again.  He closed his eyes as he listened to her soft giggles, and melted at the way her back slightly shook against his chest.

“Yeah,” (y/n) confirmed, and one of her hands reached for his that lied on her stomach.  “It probably wasn’t romantic at all.  He probably didn’t even get on one knee”

“You’re so right,” JJ laughed with her.  “He probably was just like ‘we should get married’ and Sarah was like ‘oh John B, i love you!’ And-”

(y/n) burst into laughter at JJ’s high pitched impression of Sarah.  It didn’t sound like her, it didn’t even sound like any girl, but it made her belly laugh, and she sat up slightly so she could turn to look at him.

“Why are you laughing at me? That was a spot on impression” He told her.

“No, it wasn’t,” (y/n) said, shaking her head as she looked down at him.

There were crinkles at her eyes and her lips were pulled into the widest smile he’d seen from her in months.

He had convinced himself that he wasn’t 100% sure what love felt like, but right now it felt like his heart might just burst because of it.

He hadn’t just missed her laugh.  He’d missed her.

“It’s almost like you have no idea what a woman sounds like- but Jay, you’ve been living with one for like three years now- what?” (y/n) had cut herself off from her teasing when she saw the way he was staring at her.

He looked sad, but he was smiling, so she didn’t know what to think.  Usually she could read him pretty well, but she’d never seen this look before.

“What?” She asked again.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason, I just…”

JJ sits up, trying to find the right words as he instinctively grabs a hold of her.  She turns to face him again, her legs hooking behind him as she waits for him to continue.

“I’m just thinking” He finishes.

“Well that’s dangerous,” She replies, the banter coming as naturally as it used to.  She lets out a little snort of a laugh as she smiles at him.  “What about?”

JJ’s hands smooth around her hips, the way they did earlier when they’d gotten the call from Officer Thomas himself, but now it wasn’t to comfort, it was simply because he could.

“You ever think about what would have happened if we never went on that treasure hunt?” He asked, quietly, like he was trying not to upset her.

She goes still, but she doesn’t push him away, and she doesn’t choke up.

“All the time” She murmurs back.

Her voice comes out through a quiet exhale, and if he wasn’t so close, he might not have heard it.  But in the last three months his ears had been practically trained to hear her every breath, and catch on to every mumble.

“Really?” He asked, and she nodded, her bottom lip tucking in between her teeth as she looked back at him.

“Of course,” She quietly replied.  “How else do you think I keep sane during all the quiet moments?”

It’s a sweet thing to say, paired with a soft smile that JJ felt relieved to see.

“Well then what do you think we’d be doing right now?”

“Something stupid,” She answered right away, followed by a small laugh.  “Something sketchy.  That’s all we ever did”

“We fished too, fishing’s legal.  And surfing, that’s legal too”

“That’s fair,” (y/n) hummed.  “Kie and Sarah would’ve gotten along better,” She added.  “It would’ve been nice to have a girls day”

“I’ll have a girls day with you” JJ told her, making her laugh again.

“I know you would,” She said, setting her hands on his shoulders.  “But it’s not the same”

JJ shrugged.

“You can braid my hair and put makeup on me, what else do you do on a girls day?” He asked, and again, she giggled.

He hoped he could keep making her laugh.

“What do you think we’d be up to?” She asked once the laughter subsided and she was left staring into those baby blue eyes again.

“Macking”

The laughter bubbled back over, her hands swatting at his shoulders as she threw her head back.

“Well you don’t have to laugh that much,” JJ said, brows furrowed as he pouted.  “It’s true, we would be”

“Maybe,” (y/n) corrected.  “If you’d ever actually made a move, maybe”

“What do you mean ever actually made a move?” He asked, offended.  “I maed plenty of moves! Lots and lots of moves”

“Oh really?” (y/n) asked, quirking an eyebrow.  “I don’t think we’re remembering it the same way, because I only seem to remember you scaring other boys away from me...”

“Well, yeah, among other things,” JJ said, shrugging casually.  “Can’t have a bunch of lame Tourons crowding my girl”

She laughed at his idea of flirting, but she knew fully well that it had always worked.  JJ Maybank was charming in his own unique way, and even now it made her melt in his hands.

“So you’re saying that eventually you would have done something about it?”

“About it?”

“Yeah, you know, whatever was… between us,” (y/n) clarified, her finger twirling around the space between them.  “I have a hard time believing you would have asked me out”

“I would have!” JJ said, pretending to take offense at her accusation.  “Eventually”

“Mhm,” She hummed, and then shook her head.  “Well, we’ll never know now,” She sighed, dropping her hands to her lap as she started to fiddle.  “I think we skipped a couple steps”

“I think we skipped all the steps, sweetheart,” JJ chuckled, taking her hands so she would stop fidgeting.  “But that’s alright, I wouldn’t take it any other way.  You’d be the only one for me no matter what happens,”

Her face turns a rosy shade of pink, which brings JJ to kiss both of her cheeks with a proud grin.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked.  “Have the what are we conversation”

Surprisingly, (y/n) shrugs and shakes her head.

“I mean, I don’t think we really have to, do you?” She asks softly.  “If there’s no one else for you, and no one else for me…” She trails off, her eyes flickering in between his.  “I think it’s pretty clear to me”

“Yeah,” JJ agrees, nodding his head.  “Pretty clear,” He repeats.  “I just hope you know what you’re getting into” He teases.

She giggles, wrapping her arms around his neck as she leaned in closer.

“I’ve lived with you for quite some time now, I think I know exactly what I’m getting into”

There’s a beat that passes between them, a quiet, contemplative beat.

But then (y/n’s) shaking her head, and she’s smiling at him so brightly that it’s contagious.

And then she leans over just a little bit, just enough to tenderly press her lips against his.

He’s quick to react, his hands reaching up to her face, pulling her impossibly closer to him.

She’s so slow and careful with her movements, and JJ thinks it might have been the softest kiss he’s ever been given.  Her lips are warm, inviting, and he begins to kick himself for not making a proper move on her back when everything wasn’t so heavy.

They pull away, their grins equally wide, and (y/n) leans her forehead into his, her eyes still shut.  JJ stares at her, awestruck, admiring every curve and freckle on her face.

His hands fall to her waist again, and he pulls her down onto the couch with him, allowing her to tuck herself in against his side as they lay comfortably.

They talk for a long time, theorizing on where they’d be now in another life, and what Sarah and John B are up to, wherever they are.  There’s a few tears that JJ has to wipe from the girl’s cheeks, but she’s smiling.

She has hope, for the first time in months, she’s filled with hope and love and deep down she truly believes things will get better.

Even if the day started with the Sheriff’s Department calling to let them know that John B and Sarah Cameron are officially and legally declared dead, since they’d been missing for three months.

It might get worse before it gets better.  But it was bound to get better. ___

[ i stay up all night, tell myself i’m alright // baby you’re just harder to see than most ]

February 19th, 2:45 p.m (Six Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“I’m not sayin’ that I will key their cars,” JJ argues, “I’m just saying that I would!”

Pope and Kiara burst into fits of laughter, knowing full well that JJ would bust up Kook property at any given chance, even unprovoked.

(y/n) rolled her eyes from next to him, patting his arm gently.

“Sure, Jay, sure” She says, completely unconvinced.

Normally he’d continue to argue that he was just making a joke, but no one would believe him, and truth be told, he wouldn’t even believe himself.

They’d all gotten together today to hang out and eat lunch at The Wreck.  It was one of Kiara’s off days, so for once she actually got to sit at the table with her friends.  It was a nice afternoon, and definitely much needed quality time.

“You want more water?” (y/n) hummed, already picking up her and JJ’s empty glasses.

“Sure, thanks,” He answered with a charming smile while she got up.  “Oh, but wait” He called, reaching out for her arm before she could walk away.

“What?”

He tugged on her arm so she would bend over and he could swiftly kiss her cheek.  She giggled, swatting gently at his bicep, but nonetheless she blushed as she headed off to the counter.

Kiara and Pope each made their faces at JJ.  Winks, wiggling eyebrows, wide eyes, smirks, they couldn’t help it.

“Shut up, both of you” JJ chuckled before they could even say anything.

“We didn’t say anything” Pope grumbled.

“It’s just about time, that’s all,” Kiara said, putting her hands up in surrender.  “You two have been dancing that dance for years”

JJ didn’t say anything, just smiled as he poked around his plate of fries.

“Look at him, he’s so in love with her” Kiara cooed.

But Pope wasn’t looking at him at all, he’d turned in his seat when he’d caught sight of Rafe Cameron eyeing (y/n).  He’d known it wasn’t a good sign.

“Pope,” Kiara called, trying to get his attention, but realized his gaze was focused elsewhere.  “What are you…” She trailed off, turning to follow his line of sight.

She only groaned at the sight of Rafe, before turning back to their own table.  Kooks came to The Wreck on occasion, but not usually Kooks like Rafe Cameron and Topper Thornton, who were in a booth across the restaurant.

“What’s he doing?” Pope mumbled, now watching Rafe get up from his booth, and make his way to the counter, where (y/n) was chatting with one of the servers.

JJ started to get up, but Pope was quick to put a hand up.

“Wait, doesn’t start anything,” He warned, and for some reason, JJ listened to him.  “(y/n) was friends with Sarah”

“That guy’s a fucking prick- and a murderer-” JJ started to argue, but Pope hushed him, telling him to keep his voice down.

“Just wait a minute before you swoop in there and make a scene,” Pope said.  “He’s Sarah’s brother, Sarah was a good person”

JJ muttered a string of profanities, but sat back down in his seat.  He didn’t take his eyes away from the counter though.

“(y/n) (y/l/n),” Rafe called, letting out a low whistle that made JJ bristle.  “Long time no see”

(y/n) barely looked at him before shooting her gaze down to the cups of water.  JJ can tell that she’s playing with the ring on her thumb.

“Yeah, I haven’t really been… around” She’d answered.

“Why doesn’t he just say his piece and leave” JJ muttered, both of his hands in his lap, curling into tight fists.

“That’s too bad” Rafe responded.

(y/n) wasn’t giving him any of her attention, so JJ knew he shouldn’t be so upset right now.  But he didn’t trust Rafe for as far as he could throw him, and he definitely didn’t trust him around (y/n).

“She can hold her own” Pope reminded him, knowing that JJ was starting to see red.

Yeah, but he’s a creep, he thought to himself.

“I’m sorry about Sarah,”

(y/n) spoke suddenly, soft and sweet, displaying nothing but kindness to a boy she knew wouldn’t know what kindness felt like if someone handed it right to him.

“I didn’t get to know her as well as I would have liked, but… I did like her a lot.  She was definitely a special-”

Rafe cut her off before she could say anything more.

“Well, you move on fast, don’t you?” He snarled.

(y/n) blinked, eyes going wide at the rude comment, even if she didn’t understand it.

“What-?”

“Your Pogue boyfriend’s only dead for a few months and you’ve already latched onto another, huh?” He asked, gesturing towards JJ.

(y/n’s) eyes wandered over to her boyfriend, who had just stood up from his seat with such force it fell backwards, and was now making his way over.

Please don’t get in a fight, she begged silently.  Please don’t make a scene, this isn’t worth the attention of the whole restaurant.

“Rafe, you’ve got it all wrong,” She told him quietly, trying to diffuse the situation herself.  “John B wasn’t my boyfriend, we grew up together, he was a brother to me-”

“You’re disgusting,” Rafe spat at her.  “If it wasn’t for your Pogue friends and your Pogue slut self, Sarah wouldn’t be dead right now!”

It felt like (y/n’s) heart stopped at the cruel accusation, and for a moment, she thought she might burst into tears in front of him.

“She’s not dead” She mumbled, her throat going tight.

JJ was at her side in a second, his arm winding around her hips and pulling her into him, about to drag her away without a word to Rafe.  He knew she didn’t want him to act out, and as hard as it was, he didn’t want to let her down.

He prompted her to follow him back to the table, forgetting about the water on the counter, he just wanted to get her out of this restaurant as fast as possible

“She is dead, they’re both dead because of you!” Rafe called after her, desperate to get the last word in.

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up?” JJ hollered back, throwing the Kook a threatening look over his shoulder.

“That’s fine sweetheart!” Rafe shouted, and (y/n) tried her best to block him out.  “Let your shiny new toy fight your fights for you! Just like John B did.  Do all the Pogues you fuck become your guard dog?”

That was it.

Any chance of her crying went out the window and next thing she knew, she was ripping herself out of JJ’s hold and lunging towards Rafe, swinging without any aim, but enough force that when she hit the Kook in the nose, she could feel the crunch of cartilage against her knuckles, and blood splattered onto the counter.

“You bitch-!”

Rafe barely had a chance to fight back before JJ was grabbing (y/n) by the waist, lifting her up and physically carrying her out of The Wreck.  Pope and Kiara hastily followed them out, laughing joyously.

“Are you crazy?” JJ asked, only setting her down once they were down the street, and they were certain that a group of Kooks wouldn’t follow after them to finish what (y/n) had started.

She was still scowling, and rubbing at her jaw where Rafe had just barely nicked her with his knuckles.

“Fuck,” JJ grinned at her, taking her by surprise.  “You are crazy”

“You’re not mad?” She asked, and all three of her friends laughed.

“Mad? Of course not, you just broke Rafe Cameron’s nose, baby!” JJ cheered, cupping her face in his hands and pressing a quick kiss to her lips, and then her nose, and then her cheek.  “That’s my girl!”

The whooping and hollering of her boyfriend, echoed by Pope and Kie, made her blush red and butterflies erupt in her chest.  Breaking a Kook’s nose was a strange thing to feel bashful about, but the attention made her shy.

“Come on, let’s get home and ice that before it bruises” JJ said, nodding to her jaw.

As they made their way to the Chateau, their hands latched and swinging between them, JJ continued to gush over how badass and amazing she was, no matter how much she laughed it off and begged him to stop making her blush. ___

[ every night i’m dancing with your ghost ]

February 19th, 3:15 p.m

“You’re lucky I pulled you outta there before he landed a whole punch,” JJ told (y/n) as he pressed a bag of frozen peas against her jaw.  “This coulda hurt a lot worse, why didn’t you duck babe?”

(y/n) let out a huff, swinging her legs from where she sat on the kitchen counter.  JJ was standing between them, coddling her much more than necessary.

“I dunno, I’m not some pro fighter like you” She retorted, and hissed when he pressed a little too hard against the sensitive skin.

“I know that was supposed to be sarcastic, but I’m gonna take it as a compliment anyways,” JJ retorted, earning a good natured eye roll from the girl.  “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

“I know,” She giggled back.  “You haven’t shut up about it”

“Can’t help it, it was fuckin’ awesome,” JJ gushed again.  “It was so hot, the most perfect punch, I wish I coulda taken a picture of the look on Rafe’s face, priceless.  You’re such a badass, I fucking love you”

He didn’t seem to catch what he’d said, but (y/n) did.  

Her eyes blew wide, and her lips parted momentarily, at a loss for words.  And since she didn’t know what to say, she decided the next best thing was to lean forward and capture his lips in a passionate kiss.

The kiss took JJ by surprise at first, but then the realization of what he’d said hit him, and he pulled away from her abruptly.

“Oh my god, I didn’t mean- well I did, but I-”

“JJ,” (y/n) giggled as he rambled, her hands laying across his cheeks.  “It’s okay, I-”

They were cut off by the phone ringing, which was odd, because it wasn’t their cellphone’s ringtone.  It took a second to even realize that the Chateau had a landline.

“What the fuck?” (y/n) pushed the bag of peas JJ was still holding away from her face, and hopped off the counter.  “Who even has this number? Oh my god, do you think it’s Thomas again?”

(y/n’s) heart began to race as she darted out of the kitchen towards the phone hanging on the wall.

“(y/n/n)- do you want me to take it?” JJ asked, worried that she’d freak herself out too much to actually answer the phone.

But she’d already unhooked the phone from the wall.

“Routledge Residence, (y/n) speaking”

There was a chuckle on the other side of the line, followed by a teasing, “I just knew that you weren’t gonna move out”

JJ couldn’t hear what the caller had said, but from the look on (y/n’s) face, he knew it couldn’t have been a telemarketer.

She dropped to her knees, the cord on the phone uncoiling completely as it stretched all the way down.  A choked sound between a sob and a gasp escaped her, and in a second, JJ was kneeling in front of her, jumping right into panic attack mode.

“(y/n/n), what is it? Who is it?”

“JJ there too? How are you guys-”

“John B?” (y/n) mumbled, voice shaky, scared that this was some practical joke at her expense.

JJ’s eyes went wide, and she finally looked up at him, his jaw slack.

“The one and only,” He laughed again.  “Guess I’m lucky you were at the house, I don’t remember any other phone numbers”

“I can’t believe it- are you okay? Is Sarah okay? Holy shit, John-”

“We’re okay, we’re both okay,” He chuckled, cutting her off.  “You’re not gonna believe this… but… we’ve got it”

“You’ve got it?” She repeated, confused.

“The gold, (y/n), we’ve got the gold”

“No shit-”

“Sarah says hi by the way,” He added.  “We’ll be back as soon as we can with it, okay? I don’t know when, but we’re working on it”

“What’s he saying?” JJ asked, but (y/n’s) brain was in a clusterfuck of information.

“I miss you- well all miss you- we miss you so much” She stammered out.

“We miss you too, (y/n)!” Sarah called, sounding distant through the speaker.

“We miss you a lot,” John B added,  “I’m sorry we didn’t call earlier, we just had to be sure there way it could get tracked-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I forgive you,” (y/n) said through a watery laugh.  “Just- just be safe, and get back as soon as you can, okay?”

“We will, promise,” John B replied.  “And I’ll try to call more too, okay? Look we’re… we’re working it all out right now”

“Okay, good,” (y/n) sighed, and wiped her teary cheeks with the back of her hand.  “I can’t wait to see you both”

“And when you do, we’ll be millions of dollars richer,” He told her.  “Look, we have to get going, Sarah has work.  The Kook Princess has a job here!” He told her with a laugh.  “I’ll call you when I can, alright?”

“Alright,” She agreed.  “Okay, call soon”

“Stay safe, (y/n/n), talk to you soon”

“Bye, John B”

He hung up, leaving the phone to ring a low dull sound, and (y/n) and JJ to stare at each other in amazement.

“They have the gold” (y/n) mumbled out.

“For real?”

“For real,” She nods back at him.  “They’re working on a plan to come home-”

Before she can finish, he tackles her to the ground, hugging her tight, and just letting the phone hang by it’s cord.  They’re laughing, she’s crying, and they can’t remember the last time they’ve felt joy like this before.

(y/n) sits up slightly, enough to wrap her arms around him and kiss him chastely.

“They’re in the Bahamas, and Sarah has a job, and- and they’re gonna come home” She rambled on as tears streamed down her face faster than JJ could wipe them away.

He’s grinning at her, kissing her whole face, everywhere he could.

She starts to giggle from the kisses, her shoulders raising from the ticklish feeling.

“JJ- JJ!” She cried out, having to grab him by his shoulders to get him to chill out.  “We have to go tell Pope and Kie!” “Okay, come on, let’s get going, I’ll drive you there now” JJ said, pulling her up to her feet, but before racing for the door, he wrapped his arms around her and spun her around in the air.

“I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it!” (y/n) cried out, giggling when he finally set her back down, and grabbed her hand before dashing for the front door.  “We’re going out tonight, baby!” She was so ecstatic, her body was practically vibrating.

He laughed, grabbing the keys to his dirtbike from the counter.

“Wait wait wait, JJ!” (y/n) called, her grip tightening on his hand as she pulled him back towards her.

“What? What is it?” He asked in a hurry, his eyes wild as he looked back at her.

She just grinned at him, before pulling him in closer, and leaning up on the tips of her toes so she could kiss him.

She could feel his tenseness fade away, and when she smiled it broke their kiss.

“I love you too,” She told him, her smile brightening before she reached up and stole another kiss.  “And I’m glad you’re here with me, always”

“Well, we do live together, sweetheart,” He teased.  “But you know I’d never go anywhere else”

“I know,” She hummed, and leaned in to kiss him one more time.  “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, quit trying to distract me!”

(y/n) laughed as she followed him out the door, an overwhelming amount of delight flooding through her as she got on the back of JJ’s bike, rehearsing in her head what she wanted to say to their friends, and how impatient she was to see John B again.

___

xoxo ~ jordie

[angellesword]

EUPHORIA | JJK

It’s Sunday. Jeongguk was supposed to be at the gym, serving looks. You were supposed to be at the church, serving the Lord. But you two were at the mall, looking for baby toys. You guessed this was your punishment for letting him stick his dick inside of you instead of just using an adult toy.

Alternatively:

“We share the same painful views. Won’t you please stay in my dreams.”

word count: 2.6k (one-shot) PART OF INTRO SERIES

pairing: husband!Jungkook x wife!reader

genre and content warnings: established relationship, angst, fluff, married au, (forced marriage) mention of premarital sex, pregnancy, abortion, Catholic guilt, death, and mental illness.

Sunday was church day.

This was what your whole family made you believe ever since you were young. They were firm believers of God. In fact, your first word wasn't like what most babies said.

Jesus. This was your first word and your mom wasn't even complaining. She loved to brag about it to other lectors and commentators. Your father, a lay minister, also took pride sharing the same story over and over again.

Frankly speaking, you were getting tired of it.

Don't get it twisted. You loved Jesus and you believed that he was your savior. You even sang worship songs at the church every Sunday. You were the head of the choir; every church goer knew you—well, not only church goers.

Literally everyone around you knew you.

You were also popular at school. People referred to you as the good girl who had it all.

You were pretty, smart, and your boyfriend was none other than Jeon Jeongguk.

The man you were dating was a jock. He made it clear that he didn't like studying, but he still wanted to go to a university and apply for scholarship. You had no doubt that he would get what he wanted.

Jeongguk was a star football player after all.

"Babe, what do you think of this?" You showed Jeongguk a stuffed animal. It was a rabbit.

"Cute," he grinned at you. Jeongguk wasn't sure what he found cute. Was it you or was it the stuffed toy?

You and Jeongguk were currently at the mall, buying toys for Haneul, your son who was turning one this month.

"We'll buy this next time.”

The smile Jeongguk was sporting turned into a scowl when you put the toy back to the shelf.

"Next time?" He furrowed his brow, reaching for the rabbit. "Why can't we buy it now?"

"Guk," you let out a sigh. He was feigning innocence but you knew better.

You knew you couldn't afford this kind of toy. Why did you even ask him to go here? It was obvious that you didn't belong here.

Years ago, you and Jeongguk had plans. He wanted to be a famous football player while you decided to major in Marketing; however, your dreams had been shattered when you found out that you were pregnant with his baby.

You didn't know what to do that time. You just graduated high school. Actually, you were supposed to take the college entrance exam at Seoul University.

The test didn't happen because you felt sick that day. You had been vomiting non-stop and everything smelt awful.

You still took a test, though. It wasn't the kind of test you were expecting. You woke up that day to chase you dream, but instead you ended up chasing your breath as you cried and cried and cried.

You took a pregnancy test and the numbing slap of your mother was enough for you to know that you were a disgrace.

A disgrace, a disappointment, an animal, a disrespectful child, and a....

sinner.

You accepted it all. You didn't mind that your whole family was insulting you inside and out.

You didn't blame them—couldn't blame them.

How could you do that when you saw yourself the same way they saw you?

Your mind was poisoning you. You were blaming yourself. You were blaming Jeongguk. He did this to you.

He did this to you because you let him.

So basically, this was your fault.

You ruined your future and the only way to restore everything back to normal was to have an abortion.

Of course you considered abortion. You were young and so, so scared. How could you take care of a child when you couldn't even take care of yourself?

And what about Jeongguk? He didn't deserve this shit. He was young too. He deserved the world, not a punishment.

You considered your child as a punishment. Why didn't you just stick to dildo? Or a fucking vibrator?

There were so many options. Why did you have to trust that stupid condom? You knew it didn't work all the time.

Nothing worked according to your plan.

"You are going to marry Jeon Jeongguk." Your father's words screamed authority.

Everyone in your family was aware that once your father demanded something, it should be followed without any questions. He rarely spoke, but when he did, it was absolute.

"But—" despite knowing the end of this discussion, you still tried to reason out.

You were only able to utter one word before you felt another deafening slap from your mother.

Or was it your father?

You had no idea.

All you knew was that everyone was either physically hurting you or emotionally manipulating you.

"No buts! My decision is final! You are going to marry that Jeon boy!"

Ah, that Jeon boy.

Poor Jeon Jeongguk. He had no idea what was about to happen to him. God. He didn't even know that you were carrying his child.

"We won't allow you to live like a slut anymore," your auntie crossed her arms.

This was the thing about your family. Everyone had a say, even your relative could discipline you. According to them, elders should always be respected. You had to follow what they said because apparently, they knew better than you.

Maybe they did. But still, you didn't want to force Jeongguk to marry you.

Sure, you two had been dating for three years now, but that wasn't enough. What if the love he felt for you wasn't the kind of love that you and your kid needed?

Perhaps you should have thought of that before giving into lust. The tiny voice inside your head sneered at you.

You could only sob.

It seemed like crying was all you could do.

You cried when you found out that you were pregnant, you cried when your parents found out that you were pregnant, and you cried when Jeongguk found out that you were pregnant.

All of this was happening because you were pregnant.

Except one thing:

Jeongguk wanted to marry you not because you were pregnant but because he loved you.

"You don't have to force me.” Jeongguk gritted his teeth when your whole family barged in his house.

Of course the Jeons were surprised. They weren't close to your family even though you lived two houses away from one another.

Your family didn’t want to associate themselves with the Jeons. The latter didn't really believe in the Lord, or even if they did, they were still far from religious.

They raised Jeongguk to be a sinner.

Your family firmly believed that you only got pregnant because Jeongguk forced you.

It wasn't true. You both wanted it to happen. You were consenting adults. Besides, your boyfriend asked you thousands of times if you truly wanted to do it.

He didn't force you. He respected you.

"I will marry her." Jeongguk said with confidence. He was looking at your father as if he was ready to knock him down.

"Jeongguk," his mother called softly. She was crying. She was broken. She was ashamed. She was sorry.

"It's alright, mom." The look Jeongguk gave his mother was the opposite of the glare he threw at your father.

Jeongguk was a sweet boy. He loved his parents so much.

"Shall we talk about the wedding, then?" Your father raised a brow.

Everything happened fast after that. Your family and Jeongguk's parents arranged the matrimony that was about to happen.

The Jeons offered to pay for the wedding expenses. Your family agreed. They didn't really care about the details. They only demanded a church wedding. They also wanted to marry you off as soon as possible.

They said it would be a shame if your baby bump appeared before the white event.

Since the preparation was short, you didn't have a choice but to wear a simple dress. Your mother insisted that you add veil as an accessory.

It was a hypocritical move, really. Veils symbolized innocence and purity.

You were neither.

You were a sinner and guilt was consuming your whole being.

Guilt for disappointing your family.

Guilt for breaking your promise to the Lord.

And guilt for taking something away from Jeongguk.

You took his freedom away.

The small apartment where you two now lived was not enough to showcase what he got. This abode was small, suffocating and confining his talents.

It was also too small to cater your unending tears.

You felt like you were drowning.

"Babe..." Your husband whispered, yet his voice still startled you.

You didn't answer—didn't have the energy to do so. You were drowning, remember? It didn't help that you feel suffocated too. The stupid dress you were wearing was too tight.

"You okay?" Jeongguk enquired, sighing.

He was worried about you. The two of you got married today. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days for brides, but why weren't you happy?

Why did you look...dejected?

"Yeah," you tried to offer him a smile. "I just feel hot."

You weren't lying. You didn't like the ambiance of your house. It felt like a vacation place, like you were a stranger, like you didn't belong.

It was because your mother and sisters were the ones who decorated this place.

"You think you can join me outside?" Your husband rubbed circled on your palm. "Let's have some fresh air?"

You nodded in a heartbeat.

You were tired, but you didn't want to be stuck in this room. You wanted...out.

"Okay.” Jeongguk helped you get on your feet. He was acting as though you were an expensive figurine ever since he learned that you were pregnant.

Your husband led you to the small garden of your home. You didn't know that your family decided to buy a place like this.

You were grateful though. The inside of your home was suffocating, but the garden appeared...magical.

"Jeongguk," your eyes widened in shock. "W-What's all this?"

Your hand was shaking as your eyes scanned the garden. There were fairy lights wrapped around the trees. The place was also decorated with different ornaments and pretty flowers.

Your favorite flowers.

"Do you like it?" Your husband was grinning at you. His eyes were shining brighter than the lights.

"Of course," you cupped his cheeks. "This is sweet, Kookie. Thank you.”

"Anything for you," he brought your hands closer to his mouth, kissing it.

"You deserve everything, baby." And with that, Jeongguk dropped on one knee.

"W-What are you doing!?" You panicked, eyes dilating once again.

"I know everything happened so fast." He started, licking his bottom lip. "We didn't have time to process everything. Our family decided what they think is good for us and trust me, I appreciate it."

You knew he was implying that he wanted this to happen.

"But I want to do something that I want.”  He fished a small box out of the pocket of his slacks.

You gasped.

"They told me to marry you." He opened the velvet box.

There was a ring.

"But they didn't give me the chance to do this," he raised the ring in the air.

"Baby," Jeongguk called, looking at your face with so much fondness. "You deserve a better proposal."

You were sobbing.

"You deserve a man dropping down on one knee. A man who will show you that he is serious about this marriage.”

He took your left hand.

"And I want to be that man. I want to be the man you deserved and not the boy your father coerced,"

You laughed, heart hammering through your chest. Jeongguk was so beautiful.

"I love you..." He confessed as he called your name. "Will you marry me?"

The yes that came out of your mouth was instant. You didn't hesitate. You didn't feel guilty. You just felt....happy.

Jeongguk put the ring on your finger. He kissed your stomach before standing up to crash his lips against yours.

Jeongguk no longer tasted like regret.

He tasted like forever.

Forever...

You swore you would stay with him forever. You felt silly for doubting him.

Jeongguk was a good man.

Your house no longer felt suffocating. It was loaded with love and laughter and it made your heart swell with joy.

Your family didn't bother your life anymore. You were on your own. They stopped supporting you. They said you made a choice—a choice to be a mother.

A mother was a provider, a natural giver.

You provided for your new family. You worked harder. You had two jobs: a waitress and elementary tutor.

Jeongguk continued studying. He was a student in the morning and a delivery boy at night.

You two worked in the same restaurant. Jeongguk tried to cover your shift as much as possible. He was basically doing your job.

He was scared. What if you overworked yourself? He didn't want you to work but you said you had to.

Raising a baby was expensive.

But you did it.

Haneul was turning one year old this month. He was a bright kid and he looked exactly like his father. They had the same brown eyes, so innocent and wide.

You knew you would do anything for your baby—well—except for one.

You wouldn't buy this stuffed toy for him. It's not like you didn't want to. It was more like you couldn't.

You couldn't afford it.

You couldn't, but Jeongguk could.

"Let's buy it...” He repeated. "I have money. I worked overtime last night.”

Your husband was still a delivery boy. You, on the other hand, quit your job so that you could look after your baby.

"Are you sure? This is expensive, Kook." You bit your lower lip.

Jeongguk smiled at you.

"But Haneul will like it.”

His reason was enough for you to just give in.

Of course.

Anything for your little Jeon. You would die for your son.

"Haneul, we're home!" You cooed loudly.

You were excited to see your baby. Jeongguk told you to give Haneul the stuffed toy while he go and express his gratitude to your neighbor for looking after baby Haneul.

Little did you know, Jeongguk was lying.

There was no neighbor to talk to.

It was only an excuse so that he could stare at you through the window as you rocked the empty crib in your room.

You were singing.

"You are the sunlight that rose again in my life..." Your voice was sweet that Jeongguk couldn't help but cry a little.

For you, Haneul was light. He shed light when you felt like giving up.

"You are the cause of my euphoria," your child was also the cause of your happiness.

Without him, you would be lost.

Jeongguk knew it.

Haneul.

This was the name you chose for your kid. It meant heaven.

For you, Haneul was God sent.

But Jeongguk was wondering.

If Haneul was God sent, then why did the Lord take him immediately?

Why did your Lord take him away from you and Jeongguk?

"Close the door now..." You continued to sing.

Jeongguk's heart clenched.

He watched you every day, so he already knew the next line of the song.

He sang with you.

"When I'm with you I'm in utopia..."

Utopia was a special place. A fantasy world. A world where everything was possible.

In Utopia, Haneul was still alive.

Jeongguk wasn't crazy.

He knew you needed help.

You were in denial. Too caught up in fantasy that you refused to believe that your son was already dead the moment he was born.

Haneul died in your womb.

He tried telling you, but you didn't want to acknowledge it.

You became hysterical when the words dead and Haneul were mentioned in the same sentence.

Jeongguk avoided using those words. It had been months now, almost a year actually.

He wondered if he could still continue pretending.

Looking at you hurt.

He guessed it was time to let go.

Not now, but soon.

For today, he just wanted to believe that utopia was real.

It should be fine, right?

more JJK FICS: Your Eyes Tell or check Masterlist

[the-broken-truth]

Senior!! May i ask you a question? Are the requests still open?

If yes, could you do a Donna Beneviento x Child!reader? (Platonic-Comforting). Okay so, one day, the reader is really Curious about their mother face because its always covered under her long black veil.

Since the reader wanted to know their mother real face even though the reader already knew from the picture that was displayed on the wall, having an opportunity when their mother is working on her new doll, the reader suddenly lifts her veil up and shows a mutant or a big scar on the right side of donna's face.

Knowing this, Donna immediately slapped their hand away and accidentally slapped her child until their cheeks turned red. Instead of crying, the reader suddenly hug her tightly and apologize for million times because the reader lifting up her veil without her permission.

Donna burst into tears and explained why she was hiding her face because she was afraid that the reader would feel embarrassed or disgusted with her. however, the reader assures their mother that they will not do such a thing and they're grateful that they can be her child

Andd if the requests are closed, please ignore this request and take your time^^ thank you very much, i hope you have a great day/night.

Mommy's Cloth Face - Donna Beneviento x Child Reader [Platonic]

Broken Truth: Hey, @snowflakestree! Just wanted to let you know that - yes, the requests are still open; I recently opened them and don't intend to close them anytime soon. Thanks for the ask and now I shall have to honor of writing this interesting request.

- Quick Key -

[Y/N] - YOUR FIRST NAME

[H/L] - HAIR LENGTH

Broken Truth: The Reader's Last Name shall be Beneviento and their age shall be 8. Eight years olds are very curious, at least I was at that age. Their hair & eyes will be black - the same as their mother's. As for their skin, they would be rather pale, living in the Valley of Mist doesn't give much sunlight

Curious black eyes stared at the large portrait that hung against the wall where the stairs rested; focused on the face of the Head of House Beneviento. Tiny feet were planted firmly at the top of the stairs, looking at the portrait as if to see something they had missed before; even though they've seen that same picture every day since they began aware of their surrounding but something was always drawing them to the painting of the Head of House Beneviento. They were going to question themselves when a suddenly...

"GOOD MORNING, [Y/N]!!!" A sudden loud voice shouted behind them, making them jolt forward with a chill up their spine as they began falling forward in the direction of the stairs. Black eyes narrowed as they turned to where their back was to the stairs and shot their hand out - sending 5 red strings shot from the tips of their fingers and nail into the wall, stopping their fall mid-air with their heels at the top of the stairs.

Broken Truth: What? You thought I wasn't gonna give them some kind of power? Please, what would be boring and the Broken Truth doesn't do boring.

[Y/N']'s Power: Puppeteer's Stingers - [Y/N] calls mental control links - that appear in the form of puppet strings from the tips of their fingers; whoever the strings touch, [Y/N] can control their every move or control the area around them.

"For the love of Mother Miranda, Angie, why must you scare me at the worst times?" [Y/N] asked as they pulled themselves back to the top of the stairs - the moment their feet touched solid wood, they lifted their hand to recall the puppet's strings.

"It's not my fault you were distracted. Besides, why were you just staring at Donna's painting like you? it's not something new, ya know." The doll said as she floated round the young master/mistress of House Beneviento.

"I know - it's something else." [Y/N] said as they turned on their heel and walked down the stairs to head to the study to look for their mother.

"What is it then?" Angie asked as she followed them.

"Mommy's always wearing her veil around - even in the house & around me; I wanna know why. The only thing I have to her face is that painting." [Y/N] said as he and Angie reached the study; the doll was quiet for a moment before she spoke in a softer voice.

"Some things are better to be left alone, [Y/N]. There's a reason Mother wears the veil and she doesn't want to take about it." Angie said, almost in a sad tone of voice.

"What could be so bad that Mom doesn't trust me with it?" [Y/N] asked with hurt floating in their black eyes.

"Sorry." That was the last thing Angie said before she floated away to do her own thing. [Y/N] just stood there with their hands clenched by their side, looking at the ground with hurt in their heart at the numerous amounts of questions that were floating around their 8-year-old mind.

'What is Mommy hiding from me? What is under that veil that she doesn't trust me with?' They stood there and through for a while before opening their eyes and making the choice then and there. 'I'm gonna see what's under that veil.' With resolve in their heart, The Future Lord/Lady of House Beneviento went off to find their mother - who happened to be in her creation room to make a new doll.

[Y/N] peeked around the corner of the threshold that led to their mother's Doll Creation Room - doll parts of many shapes and sizes hung from chains on the ceiling while other parts - like joints, sockets, eyes, and fingers - were kept in small drawers or jars tucked away in the shelf.

Sitting in the chair at the table - littered with doll parts - was the woman down in a black dress, a mysterious veil over her head - covering her face, and her hands - the only thing that remained uncovered - as they moved along the doll parts to assemble them into a body - that woman was Donna Beneviento - The Head of House Beneviento and mother of [Y/N] Beneviento.

The child took a calming exhale - to strengthen their nerves and resolve; they had to do this or they were going to go their entire life without knowing the truth.

"Mommy." [Y/N] called out to their mother as her hands froze over the doll torso she was connecting the legs to as she turned around in her seat to look at her son/daughter, who just stood in the doorway with nervousness in their small black eyes - eyes just like hers.

"[Y/N] Dear, is there something wrong?" Donna asked in her concerned motherly voice.

"No, Momma. I just...I wanna know - Why do you always wear your veil around me? Why don't you show me your face?" [Y/N]'s question made the breath in Donna's throat catch as she turned back in her seat, unable to look in her child's direction.

"Momma has some...issues and she prefers to wear the veil for the betterment of everyone. It's nothing to worry about, darling; just go play with Angie and the other dolls." Donna said in her low voice as she went back to fiddling with the incomplete doll; it became quiet in the room as if she was the only one left - [Y/N] must have listened to her and went to play with the other dolls.

Wrong.

The child still stood there - their mind running with thoughts - they weren't thinking straight. They were some in depths with their own mind that they didn't notice their body moving closer to their mother, nor did they feel their arm lift or their hand reaching for the veil before clenching into a fist.

It was the sudden "NO!" from their mother that made them snap back into reality and become aware of their surroundings, but it was too late. The veil was in their hand that was now at their side - revealing their mother's face to them...

As well as the massive growth of flesh that overtook the woman's right side of her face - completely replacing her right eye. [Y/N]'s eyes widened at their mother's face - the horror and fear in her eye - as they dropped the veil and reached for it; BAD MOVE.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" Donna's voice yelled as her hand lashed out to slap her child's hand away from her face but in her disorder, she missed her child's hand but made perfect contact with their cheek, making them fall to the ground - sitting on the ground with their eyes wide and their hand on the sore cheek. Once again - fear took Donna's face - she just struck her child, her child saw her face; they would mostly be running away in horror if they weren't paralyzed in pain.

"Oh my god! [Y/N], I'm so sorry! I didn't been t hurt you! I...It was a reflex, I would never hurt you, ever!" Donna panicked, trying to come up with an acceptable excuse for what happened but she came up with nothing. Tears began falling down her face but before she could open her mouth to speak - the sudden weight of her child crashing into her mid-section and wrapping their arms around her while sobbing in her chest made her quiet; looking down at the child who held her for dear life.

"I'M SORRY, MOMMA! I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU! I'M A BAD [SON/DAUGHTER]! I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!" The child begged with tears flooding their eyes.

Donna was confused.

Her child wasn't afraid of her?

Her child was angry at her for striking them?

Her child was begging for forgiveness...for scaring her?

She looked down at the child who looked into her eye with tears down their cheeks.

"You...you're not afraid or disgusted with me, [Y/N]?" Donna asked in her low voice - this made the child look at her wide-eyed and confused.

"What? No, why would I be Momma?" The child asked - completely confused.

"Dear..." Donna rubbed the back of her baby's head. "So many people have hurt me because of my face. They would bully me and ignore me. When I started wearing my veil, people started befriending me but once they saw my face...they would abandon me. I didn't want to lose you over my looks, my child. I thought...once you saw my face...I would be alone again." Donna closed her eye - letting all the tears fall.

"Then all those people are idiots!" [Y/N] yelled, making Donna look at them again. "If they couldn't see the really awesome person you are, then they are the ugliest of all people! My Mom is the most beautiful person in the village...no, IN THE WORLD! NOT EVEN AUNTIE ALCINA OR GRANDMA MIRANDA CAN MATCH HOW PRETTY MY MOMMA IS!!" [Y/N] cried out as they reached up and placed a gentle kiss on the mass of flesh that took their mother's eyes. The head of house cried again before hugging her child for dear life as she thanked them for staying with her and loving her...as not even her own mother did.

As time went on, Donna would no longer wear the veil around the house or around her child. [Y/N] was happy to see their mom happy and now had the inspiration to draw pictures to show at the village school...which caused a few people to say mean things about Donna, resulting in [Y/N] being suspended for a week for nearly killing 5 students. When Donna asked them why used their powers to bend the bullies' limbs in inhumane positions and almost kill them, the child answered.

"They were talking crap about my beautiful Momma and that don't fly."

It got a lot worse when [Y/N] grew up and started going into the village to do teenage things - one negative whisper about Donna Beneviento would get your neck twisted the other way & it didn't matter if you said it around them.

Their little puppet ravens always find out who said what about his beautiful mother and they would pay...DEARLY.

[supercorpkid]

Kara’s Earth birthday.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader

Word Count: 2540.

“Oh, what you hiding in there?” You ask, coming from behind Lena and she jumps in fear. You chuckle at her reaction.

“Shhh, be quiet.” Lena says, shushing you with her finger. “I’m hiding Kara’s gift.”

“Oh! Momma’s birthday is coming up, you’re right.” You throw yourself in their bed, watching Lena carefully lock the lead box you gave her for Mother’s Day. “What are we doing for her?”

“I don’t know, baby. You’re not Superkid anymore so we can’t pick up her favorite foods from another countries, so maybe we just get potstickers and invite the Olsens.” Lena answers, still not paying attention to you, while she puts the box away. You breathe deep thinking about it.

“I could go.”

She looks back at you, looking confused. “No, my love. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with just because it’s Kara’s birthday.”

“One: yes, I do. And two: it’s ok. I’m not uncomfortable with it at all.” You shrug. “It’s just flying, then landing in China and buying things from her favorite restaurant there. I don’t even need my suit.”

“Oh, you also don’t have your suit.” Lena says, moving to her closet and coming back with a box in hands. “Remember I burned it when I was you?”

“I do remember. Did I ground you for it, young lady?” You joke, making Lena roll her eyes at you.

“Here’s the new one.” She hands you the box and you open to see the House of El crest staring at you in its golden glory. You breathe deep.

“You know what? Just keep it.” You give her the box back. “It was here with you, anyway. I’m sure you’ll take better care now that you don’t have to wear it anymore.”

“Yeah?” Lena asks, unsure. You agree with your head.

“I’ll ask if I need it.” You watch Lena getting up and going back to the closet. You lower your glasses to see where she is keeping it, memorizing the shelf she put in. You adjust your glasses back on your face before she comes back into the room. “So-” You say when she shows up. “I’ll get the food. And I’ll make a gift for her in the lab. You already got her a gift, and we have the dinner planned.”

Lena smiles, agreeing.

“Doesn’t it all seem a little…” You think about it. “Basic?”

“Basic?”

“Yeah, I mean, isn’t it the same thing we do every year? Shouldn’t we try something different? Like, a surprise party?”

“A surprise party?” Lena parrots you. “For Kara?” You nod. “I think you’re forgetting we’ve tried that for years and we can never surprise her. She has super hearing and x-ray vision, baby. It’s like setting ourselves up for failure.”

“Ok, but what if we do it somewhere she can’t see through? Like the DEO. Or-or my lab!”

“You wanna throw a party in your lab?”

“I just want to try something different this year. Honestly, don’t you feel like this year we’ve been through all kinds of weird, miserable, fucked up things-”

“Language!”

“Sorry, but there isn’t any other word good enough to describe it.” You can see that your mom is agreeing with you. “For some reason I feel like this year we should be thankful we’re still alive and well and together.”

“You’re right.” She cups your face with a sad little smile. “We’ve been through so much; your momma deserves a really nice party with everyone here to celebrate.”

“Who’s everyone?”

“You know, everyone everyone.”

“Mom, everyone everyone who? We know like ten people.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just worry about the food, and straighten up your lab, so it looks less like a lab, and more like a place we could actually throw a party.” You see Lena’s eyes tinkling and you don’t even ask about it. You already have a long list of things to do. Gift, food, organizing the lab. You’ll need some help.

You go to your lab, you need to think of something to give her as a gift, and you only have two days to figure it out. It’s too short notice. Why the hell weren’t you thinking about this before?

You sit in your lab and think and think. What can you give Kara? You sit on the chair, on the floor, on the table. You lay in it, roll to one side, then to the other. You pace around the lab. You leave really quickly to buy some snacks and look for inspiration on the street. Then you go back to the lab. What can you give her? You play on your phone. Text your cousin -she doesn’t reply because she is at school-. You go see your mom upstairs -she is in a meeting and can’t talk-. You spend half an hour talking to Aly and distracting her from her receptionist job. You go back to the lab, lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Your entire day is a waste. You can’t think of a single thing to make and give to Kara.

The next day you ask Jamie’s help, when she leaves school, to make your lab more presentable. She has a lot of ideas. Some are very inflammable to do in a lab -honestly, most of them are-, but some are actually nice, and when you two are done your lab looks like someplace else.

“Can you move this table?” Jamie looks at your worktable in the middle of the room. “I mean, you probably can right?”

“I-yes, Jamie, I probably can.” You smirk, picking it up more than a thousand pounds with one hand and moving to the side.

“You know, that’s something I never get tired of watching.”

You think about how many times you’ve seen Kara with one couch in one hand, her phone on the other, while Lena vacuums under it. How do the rest of the world clean under heavy furniture? You don’t even know.

“Ok. How about now?” You ask looking around and Jamie agrees with a smile.

“It’s perfect.”

“Great! Now I just have to think about something I can make or buy for her.”

“Well, I can’t help with that.” Jamie says, grabbing her stuff and making her way out your lab. You follow her closely behind. “I had one idea and it was a little notebook that she can use for work.”

“That’s actually quite clever.” You grunt, frustrated.

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

Why can’t you think of something to give to your momma? It used to be so easy and now you can’t think of anything for the life of you. It’s so disappointing. You know that Kara won’t care about what you give her, but why on Earth is it so hard?

“Hey.” Kara knocks on your door, late at night. You look at your alarm clock, confused. It’s too late. “Heard you were still up.”

“Oh. Come in.” You say and you don’t have to call twice to Kara throw her body next to yours, flopping on her belly.

“You seemed distracted today. I wanted to check if you’re alright.” She slings her arm around your ribcage, and you smile to yourself. Rao, this woman deserves the entire universe. There’s nothing you could make that would be good enough for her. You kiss the crown of her head.

“I love you.”

“Oh.” Kara says, raising her head to look at you. “I love you too, babyface.” But she raises an eyebrow right after. “Is that all?”

“Mhm.” You smile. “I���m alright. You?”

Kara’s eyebrows pinch together, and you see her crinkle showing. You ease it up with your thumb.

“No need to worry. I’m actually fine.”

“My face betrays me.” She says with a laugh. “Gonna get botox for that.”

“No. You look perfect as you are, momma.” You cup her face, and she smiles, kissing your hand in return.

“Ok, I’m gonna let you sleep, then. Have a goodnight, kid.”

The very next day is the day of the party. You make some adjustments here and there. And wait for Lena to say its time.

“Hey!” Lena enters your lab with a big cake in hands. “The place looks great!”

“I know, right? Jamie had a bunch of cool ideas.”

“Your momma’s going to love it.” She places the cake on the table. “Ok, time to fly to China for the food. Here.” She gives you her credit card. “I’ll wait for the guests and when we’re all here, we’ll get her to come.”

“Ok, cool.” You look at the list of things to buy, and Lena’s card. It’s a lot of food. You wonder how many people she has invited.

When you come back, balancing all the food she’s asked for, your lab is already filled with guests, with portals opening, bringing more people in.

“Hey Superkid!” Barry says, coming from the portal with wife, kids, Caitlin Snow, Cisco, and a bunch of other people right behind him.

“Hey!” You try to wave without dropping the food, which is hard.

“Here, kiddo, let me help.” Alex shows up next to you. She grabs a few bags and helps you set up the table. “Nice party.”

“Thanks. Jamie actually helped decorate.” You say, and you hear Jamie’s voice right behind you.

“It would’ve been nicer if you had let me bring sparkles.”

“So we could burn this place down? No, thanks.” You answer and watch Superman walking in with his family following him closely by. “Hi, Kal!” And not far behind, you see Eliza. “Oh! Gramm! You came!”

“I sure did!” She opens her arms, and you walk into her embrace. “Look at you! You’re so tall now! You look exactly like your momma.”

“Speaking of her-” You hear Lena’s voice. “Seems like everyone is here already. Oh wait, here comes Nia and Brainy. Alex? Is J’onn and M’gann coming?”

“On their way!”

“When they get here, you call your momma ok?” Lena moves away from you, and you agree with your head. You look around again. There are too many people in your lab, you didn’t even know you all knew this many people, let alone that you could gather all of them in one place.

“We’re here! Sorry, sorry!” J’onn says walking in, and you look at Lena who nods at your phone.

You: Hey! You busy?

Momma: Going home, why baby?

You: I need help with something here in my lab. Can you come over? I have donuts🍩🍩🍩

Momma: DONUTS! Say no more!

“Guys, she’s coming!”

Everyone stops talking, and Lena comes at you with the cake. You look at it with a smile on your face, you still can’t believe she made a cake that looks like a potsticker. Your momma will freak.

“Little one?” You hear Kara from the other side of the door.

“Yeah! Come in!” You watch Kara opening the door and getting startled when everyone yells.

“SURPRISE!”

“What! You did not just surprise me! That’s so cool!” Kara comes closer with the biggest smile you have ever seen. “Awww, look at all of this! OH MY GOD, THE CAKE! LOOK AT THE CAKE!”

“Go ahead, blow it out.” Lena says.

“Gently.” Alex adds, making you chuckle at the thought.

“Make a wish.” You suggest right after.

“What else can I wish for?” Kara says with a soft smile, and your cheeks burn red. She blows out the candles, and it doesn’t take long for the party to actually start.

She goes around saying ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’ to everyone, and you sit in a corner with Jamie to eat. Gramm joins right after and it’s great to see her for a while.

It’s really late at night when the portals start to open, people start to leave, and there’s no one left in your lab but your aunts, Gramm, Jamie and moms. They help you clean up the whole thing and soon enough they’re giving Kara their gifts.

You feel embarrassed that you don’t have anything to give her, so you slip out of the lab, praying she doesn’t notice your lack of gift for her.

“Hey, where are you going, kid?” Kara pulls you in, looking at you fondly.

You shrug and look down. How do you tell her you couldn’t think of a single present to give her?

“What’s that about?”

“I didn’t get you anything.” You breathe out.

“You didn’t-” Kara laughs. “Really? So a surprise party is nothing? And flying to another country to pick up my favorite foods doesn’t count?” You raise your eyes to finally look at her. “Why would you give me something else besides this whole thing?”

“I just-” You shrug again, cheeks burning with shame. She doesn’t push you any further, but she also doesn’t let go. Kara just looks at you, waiting for you to give her something. “Made all these big plans, because I wanted the day to be extra special.”

“And why is that kid?” She asks, and you bite your lip. “You know, I’m very happy with the party, and with the fact that I got to see everyone. But I would also be very happy if it was just you, Lena and me, and a little cupcake.” Kara says cupping your face. “Why did today have to be so special?”

“Because-” She raises her eyebrow encouraging you. “We had a difficult year, and I know that it was my fault.”

“What? Of course it was not your fault!”

“Momma, I almost died a few times, I went to three different realities, I was mind controlled, couldn’t get up from bed-”

“Ok, let me stop you right there.” Kara’s face becomes very serious. “You were kidnapped three times. You got tricked by an imp, which, by the way, I’ve been too. You were literally mind controlled by a villain. How-how can you say this is your fault?” You open your mouth. “How can I possibly think that it is your fault that you couldn’t get up from bed, when all of this has happened to you in less than a year, little one?”

You breathe out. You don’t know what to tell her.

“Yes, you’re right. It’s been a difficult year for the three of us. But what about meeting Maya, and everyone you met when you went to different realities? What about all the laughter, hugs, and kisses and the love we shared this year? Hm? Didn’t that make this year a little enjoyable?” Kara asks and you agree with your head. “I don’t need a huge party, the biggest cake you can buy, or any of this to make me happy. You know what I need?”

“Me?” You ask with a little smile, and she smiles widely at you.

“Yes, my heart. I need you.” Kara pulls you in for a hug and a forehead kiss. “And your mom too. Trust me, the fact that you’re both here in this universe with me, makes coming to Earth the best thing that has ever happened in my life.”

You smile, feeling less heavy.

“I love you, momma.” You kiss her forehead. “Happy Earth birthday. I’m glad you ended up here.”

“Me too, kid. Me too.”

[20moonchild21]

𝗦𝗲𝗵𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵𝘁 [𝗯𝘁𝘀]

⇉ 𝗰𝗵𝗽𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 17

[pairings]

JK x female!oc, Bunny!JK x human!female!oc, Jin x female!oc, Leopard!Jin x human!female!oc, Jimin x female!oc, white Tiger!Jimin x human!female!oc, Taehyung x female!oc, black Tiger!Taehyung x human!female!oc, Hobi x female!oc, Fox!Hobi x human!female!oc, Namjoon x female!oc, Wolf!Namjoon x human!female!oc, JK x Jin x Jimin x Taehyung x Hobi x Namjoon x female!oc

[warnings]

none

[words]

4.0k

[author]

It has been a long time, but I am back now, and I am more than excited to start updating Sehnsucht again!

I hope you you all checked out the story of my lovely friends @starlightauroras-main. Inferiority complex is super cute story about Hybrid!Jimin. Please, check it out!

I also hope that you like this chapter. Almost all Boys have entered the story yet, only Yoongi is missing. But it still needs a little while until he will be arrive. 🤭

Stay healthy and safe!

Mꨄ

[chapter 16 ||| chapter 18]

Hobi watched in amazement how the girl’s hand was sliding over the piece of fabric back and forth, turning it upside down and back up, before laying it on the table and smoothing it.

“Look.” She said proudly, as she held up the once ripped shirt. “It’s like nothing has happened.”

Despite all the advantaged that came with being a Hybrid, like having extra sensitive senses, there were also more than enough disadvantages too. Especially, when he had never had such expensive clothes to know how to handle them the right way. He had tried to find the right way out for his arms and head but ended up with his head and arm in one hole, which obviously had been too much for the fabric.

At first, he had been scared to tell someone about this accident. Not just because he had felt embarrassed, but also because he had been scared to upset someone to whom the clothes belonged. Sadly, he was like an open book to read for everyone, so Jin had noticed pretty fast that something had been odd with the fox Hybrid. When Hobi had finally told him what happened, Jin began to laugh warmly, telling him that no one would be mad at him.

When Hope had come home from her work, Hobi had bundled up all his courage to tell her all by himself, hoping that she would react in the same way as Jin. Indeed, she had smirked a little bit when he had told her the story, but she quickly had offered him her help to fix the shirt. His old owner would have never reacted in such a kind way.

When he was younger, the man who owned the circus had bought him from the people who had bred him in their laboratories. He brought the small fox boy all the way over to America, just to lock him up in a cage there. But Hobi had never complained though. After all, the man had offered him a place to sleep and something to eat every day.

But of course, he had also been a curious child back then¸ wanting to explore his surroundings and borders. That had often brought him in troubles, leaving him more often locked up in his cage than he had planned. At some point, he had learnt that it was only him who brought himself in such position and from that day on, he had just kept following the rules like he was supposed to do.

Hope meanwhile had put a small, wooden box on the table that was filled with all kinds of needles, threads and other supplies one could need for sewing. He had not even needed to wait long, because as soon as the girl had been sitting, she had already been fixing the small rip in the shirt.

While she had been worked concentrated on the blue piece of fabric, Hobi had grabbed himself a small piece of fabric out of the box as well, trying to copy her movements. Obviously, he was not as talented as her.

“Wow.” He stunned, as he laid his own piece of work down and reached out for the shirt. “I can’t even see where the rip was. Where did you lean this, Hope?”

The girl smirked slightly, while she cleaned the table.

“I was a pretty wild child.” She told him, reaching up to put the sewing box up onto the shelf on the wall. “I always came home with a lack in my trousers. At some point, my mother was tired to fix all my clothes, so she taught me to fix them myself.”

Hobi head the sadness in her voice when she talked about her mom. Beside the picture of her on Jungkook’s favourite wall, Hobi had never seen Hope’s mother in person, so he guessed that she probably was missing her much.

“Your mom was a pretty good teacher then.” He smiled widely at the girl. “Maybe she could visit us some day, so you can show her how well you fixed my shirt.”

If it was possible, the girl’s expression dropped even more, while she clutched her hands onto the mug in front of her. Hobi immediately regretted what he just had said.

“I don’ think that she will be visiting us some day.” She said, as she sadly smiled at the confused boy. “My mom died a few years ago, you know?”

Hobi sunk his ears low when he heard her words. He had never had a mom or a dad, but he could imagine the pain the small girl was feeling right now.

“I am sorry.” He just whispered, not wanting to say anything else to make her sad.

“It’s okay.” Hobi watched, as the girl’s mouth suddenly pulled up. “You know, I like thinking about her. She was a wonderful and strong woman. When I was younger, I always wanted to be like her. She was kind and courteous to everyone, even to Hybrids. She taught me to respect every living, because all of them have a soul and feelings. I am sure she would have loved to meet you guys.”

Hobi could clearly imagine the woman Hope was describing him, because it fit perfectly on the description of Hope. He was glad that her mom had taught Hope all those things, because only she was the reason, he now had a safe place to stay.

“I would have loved to meet your mom. She sounds like a wonderful person.” He carefully spoke, as he reached over and grabbed the girl’s hand that was loosely laying on the table.

It was the very first time that Hobi had made such a big step and actually touched the human girl. Her smaller hand felt so warm and soft, almost fitting perfectly into his bigger hand. It also felt different from when he was touching Jin’s or Jungkook’s hand. He had never felt those little sparkles when touching one of the boys, but he liked it though. Hope gladly accepted this small way of physical affections, squeezing his hand back.

“Diner was so delicious, Jin.” Hope smiled at the older boy, before she put her plate into the sink and kissed the boy’s forehead. “Thank you for that.”

Jin stayed in the kitchen to do the dishes, while Hope walked back into the living room where the other boys were already waiting for her. They all had bombarded her with questions since she had been home again, and now they were waiting for their answers.

“Hope!” Jungkook’s ears were standing up high in the air, as he petted the spot next to him on the sofa, gesturing for her to sit down there.

As soon as her bum met with the soft fabric, the bunny had already laid his head down in her lap, while from the other side, Taehyung was now leaning his head onto her shoulder.

For the next hour, they asked her questions over questions about everything that had happened at work. They asked her about all the Hybrids she had met, about the people she would be working with and about thousands of other things that sometimes made her smirk, because sometimes they were like little kids.

When she told them about the wolf Hybrid, Namjoon, the room suddenly felt silence. All of the boys sitting around her knew fully how that poor boy felt and what he was going through.

“He must be so scared.” Jimin said, wrapping his tail around himself, as Jungkook wrapped his arm around the smaller one’s shoulder. “I wish we could help him somehow.”

The bunny kept Jimin in his arms for a little while longer, before he suddenly jumped up and ran down the hallway towards his room. Hope looked confused at Jin, who was also just shrugging his shoulders. After a few seconds, the slamming of the bunny’s bedroom door rang through the apartment, and Jungkook came running back into the living room.

“Here.” He stopped in front of Hope and held out one of his favourite Hobbit books towards her. “You can give him my favourite book. Maybe he will like it, too.”

“But, Jungkook.” Hope gasped at that sweet gesture of Jungkook, before she stood up and took the book out of his hand. “You love that Hobbit book.”

“Yeah, I do.” The bunny scratched his neck, as his cheeks turned red. “But I – I read it so many times that I can’t count them anymore. I just think that he has absolutely nothing and maybe he will feel more comfortable if he would have something he likes.”

Hope was absolutely touched by Jungkook’s gesture. She knew how much he loved that book and how sad he had been when he had almost given it away a few months ago. She had always known that he had a very big heart when it comes to other people he cared for.

“I will give it to him. Thank you, Kookie.” She whispered, as she stood on her tippy toes and hugged the taller boy tightly, before pressing him a big kiss on his cheek.

“Okay, guys.” Jin announced, looking at his watch just to realized that it was already late at night. He yawned and stretched his arms, tail and ears out at the same time, which looked pretty funny. “I will go to bed. I am pretty tired. Goodnight.”

He went around and gave Taehyung and Jimin a linger hug, Jungkook and Hope a kiss and Hobi a lovely pet on his head, before he went into his room. Next were Taehyung and Jungkook who wanted to play a few more video games in the tiger’s room, and also Hobi stated that he would go to bed, leaving only Jimin and the girl back.

The white tigers sat shyly at the edge of the couch, with his tail wrapped around his legs and a slight shade of red on his cheeks. He looked up at the girl for a second, before he carefully moved closer towards her on the sofa. When he was close enough, he carefully put his head on her shoulder and laid his tail in her lap for the very first time.

“Do you think you can help that wolf in your company.” Jimin carefully asked her, as she begin to stroke his fluffy tail.

“I hope I can.” She whispered back, leaning her head onto his. “But he needs to trust me in the first place, and this needs a little more time, you know?”

Jimin just hummed at her answer.

“I think he is lucky to have you as his lawyer now.” He suddenly smiled. “I know you will safe him, just like you saved us.”

Hope closed her eyes for a moment, thinking back at the time where she first met Jimin and Taehyung. Both tigers had definitely brought some changes into that family, but in a good way of course. Suddenly, she remembered the conversation from earlier, when Namjoon had asked her about their adoption.

“Jimin.” She mumbled into his thick hair. “There is something I want to ask you. You know, Taehyung and you have been living here for a few weeks now, and I think the both of you fit in in our crazy home pretty well. If you would be okay with it, I would like to adopt you and your brother.”

Immediately, Jimin’s head shot up from her shoulder. He looked with wide eyes at the girl, before he nodded wildly and threw himself onto the her, hugging her tightly and whispering ‘thank you’ a thousand times. This sudden movement caused both of them to fall over and fully onto the couch. When both young adults realized in which position, they were now in, with the girl on her back and Jimin over her, they both turned bright red.

“I am – “

“Sorry.”

They both stuttered at the same time, before they broke out in a laugher together. Hope looked up into Jimin’s eyes when she had calmed down again. From the first day, Hope had adored those beautiful, dark orbs that would form into halfmoons when he was laughing or smiling. Slowly, she brought her left hand up towards his thick hair, driving it towards the back of his head and back towards his cheek.

Her heart was pounding in her chest like crazy, when Jimin’s face came closer and closer, until their noses were touching each other and their lips just inches apart. They stayed like that for another few seconds, before the boy was the first to make the move forward.

The kiss was shy but full of emotions. They lips stayed still on each other, before Hope carefully started to move. After a few seconds, Jimin also began to press his lips on her stronger and braver, before, after a few minutes, they both ran out of breath and let go of each other.

Hope didn’t know if it was possible that her face was even redder now, but before she had the chance to say something stupid that could ruin the moment, Jimin pushed himself off the sofa and pulled her with him.

She gasped slightly from the sudden movement but giggled at the same time when Jimin pulled her close towards his chest in the middle of the living room. She leant her head against the white tiger’s chest, while Jimin wrapped his arms and tail around the smaller girl. The pair was now standing in the middle of the living room, rocking slightly from side to side, doing some twists and turns from time to time.

“When did you learn to dance?” Hope whispered into the comfortable silence.

“I watched a video on the YouTube today.” He whispered back, rubbing his nose against her hair. “One day, I want to take you out on a dance date, you know?”

Surprised by the tiger’s words, Hope lifted her head and looked into Jimin’s eyes. Never in her life had someone wated to take her out on a date, and the fact that Jimin was asking her out in his cute, innocent way, let her heart swell with pride a love.

“I would love to go on a dance date with you, Jimin.”

“Okay, I don’t know what you did or how you did it but somehow, you got Namjoon to talk to you – willingly?” Laura was walking next towards the smaller girl down the hallways of the company. Hope just nodded proudly, clutching the book Jungkook had given her for Namjoon tightly under her arm. “And now you want to give him – a hobbit book?”

She looked confused at the book and then back up at Hope.

“Yes, Jungkook thought it would be a nice gesture to give him that.” Hope simply replied. “I think Namjoon just needs time. He will talk to us at some point.”

Laura hummed in response, before she cocked her eyebrows up and began to smirk slightly.

“Is Jungkook your boyfriend?” She teased the smaller girl.

Hope’s face immediately went red. Though both of them had already kissed, they never decided on what their relationship would change after that. There were also the other boys that Hope had takin inside her heart.

“I – no.” She just smiled, her face still red. “He is my – Hybrid – at home. We – “

“You have a Hybrid at home?” Laura suddenly stopped walking, before she grabbed Hope’s shoulder and turned her around so she could face the taller girl.

“I even have 5 Hybrids home.” Hope almost didn’t dare to say it out loud, not knowing how to interpretate Laura’s facial expression.

“You have 5 Hybrids home?!” Laura’s voice was now loudly bouncing through the hallways, before she began to smile widely. “Girl, you are crazy, but I love it! I think you will achieve great things in that world, Hope.”

Hearing those words from someone who already had much more experiences than her made Hope proud. She wanted people to see that there was no need to be a superhero or to be powerful to change something. Everyone who had the will can change something, everywhere and every time.

Together, both girls took the same way as the previous day until they reached the interrogation rooms. Laura told her that she would wait outside, not wanting to inhibit the progress Hope had achieved the previous day.

Taking a last deep breath, Hope carefully knocked at the door, before she pushed it open and entered the door towards the interrogation room. Like the previous day, Namjoon was standing at the window with his back turned towards the door. He didn’t turn around when she entered the room, but Hope could clearly see his ears twitching into her direction for the split of a second.

“Good morning, Namjoon.” She calmy said, before making her way around the table. “How are you feeling this morning.”

The boy didn’t reply though. He just kept looking outside the window. It was one of those beautiful winter mornings in New York. The sun was just rising behind the skyline of the big city, flowing the streets with it’s warm and golden sun beams. The small park that had been created between the big building of the company and the smaller building where the clients were living was shining with all kind of golden colours.

When she looked at the boy’s profile, she could clearly see that he was looking at that scenario outside as well. But in difference to her, he was not looking like would be amazed. He was yearning for seeing the world outside and not just through a window.

Suddenly, Hope remembered the small gift that Jungkook had asked her to give to Namjoon. She carefully pulled the book from under her arm and placed it on the window sill, before pushing it into Namjoon’s direction. The tall boy noticed her gesture and looked confused from the small book upwards to the girl.

“The boys at home wanted me to give you this.” She told him. “It’s Jungkook’s favourite book, but he said that you can have it. Maybe if you are bored you can try and read it. It’s pretty good.”

Namjoon was now looking with wide eyes at the girl in front of him, as he wrapped his tail tightly around his right leg.

“You told your Hybrids about me?” He cocked an eyebrow up.

“Yes, I told them about you.” Hope carefully replied, no sure if he was okay with it or not. “I mean – I just told them that I was working with you from now on, nothing more. We are a family, you know? We tell each other everything.”

The wolf Hybrid sunk his ear down, before he whispered a small ‘thank you’ and turned his attention back towards the morning sun, sighing slightly. The room fell back into silence, as both young adults were looking out of the window again.

Hope noticed that Namjoon was still trying to process everything that had happened since the previous day, but she would give him all the time he needed, even if that meant that they would both spend the whole day with just looking out of the window.

“I sometimes whish that I just could walk out of this room like you do.” He suddenly stated after a few minutes of silence. “But I can’t. I need to stay here and wait for the day they lock me away.”

Like the previous day, Namjoon’s voice sounded tired and powerless, without any hint of emotions.

“We could go outside – “ She said back, but Namjoon was already shaking his head.

“No.” He cut her off in her mid-sentence. “People don’t trust me. They would never let me walk around just like that and if, I need to wear those stupid hand cuffs and foot locks.”

Before his could voice get louder, Namjoon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His hands were holding onto the window sill tightly, as if he was trying really hard to not burst out. Hope was shocked by all those bad emotions he obviously carried inside himself.

She didn’t want to make him feel like she would pity him. That was not what he needed right now. He needed to realize that there were people on this world who truly wanted to help him, and that one of those people was already standing in front of him. Hope excused herself, before she quickly walked towards the door and peeked her head outside, gesturing for Laura come closer.

“Did you make any progress?!” She whispered-screamed, as she excitingly stepped closer.

Hope took a glance back at the boy, who was still looking outside the window. Maybe he was not looking into their direction, but Hope saw that he had his right ear turned towards the door.

“You can talk normally, Laura. There is no need to whisper.” Hope said in a normally volume, leaving a red shade on Laura’s face. “I wanted to ask you something. Is there a chance that Namjoon and I can take a walk across the site without him wearing any cuffs?”

Laura looked at the smaller girl in shock, before she snapped out of her state, shaking her head carefully.

“I am sorry.” She said. “But he showed aggressive behaviour. I wish I could change that, but it is not in my hands.”

Hope sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Namjoon would never open up while being locked in that small room.

“Can’t you call your boss, please?” She tried again. “It would be just for a little while.”

“Hope, I can’t just call him and – “

“Laura, please. I take the full responsibility.” The blonde girl was almost begging Laura by now.

The two girl kept staring at each other for another few seconds, before Laura gave in first and sighed heavily. She hesitantly took her phone out if her purse and dealt her boss’s number, giving Hope a playfully angry look, before she energetically discussed with him for a few minutes. Luckily for the blond haired girl, their boss was a nice man, so he allowed her and Namjoon to leave the building.

Of course, with his extra sensitive ear Namjoon had already heard what you had asked Laura. He hesitated at first, not moving when Hope held the door open for the both of them. His eyes flickered between the window and the open door, before he carefully made his way around the table, his tail still wrapped around his leg.

The walk through the company was silent, but Hope felt the tension falling from the taller boy’s shoulders, until they finally reached the door that lead them outside. The fresh air hit the girl’s face when she took the first step outside. Even though winter had already begun, the morning sun was warming the air up, making it comfortable to walk around.

When Hope turned her head to look at Namjoon, she saw him doing the same. He had closed his eyes, letting the sun warming his face up and taking deep breath of the clean air. Hope knew that it seemed like a simple thing to just take a walk outside, but she had learnt from all her boys that she had taken those simple things for granted for too long.

Nothing she had done or what she had ever possessed in her life was normal for all people around the world. Maybe she had been lucky so far, but also she needed to be thought that ever moment in life needed to be appreciated, because other people didn’t have the luck like she did.

That day, there were no other words spoken between Namjoon and the girl. Just the situation as its own was enough to make another development in their relationship towards each other. They were just able to enjoy the moment together. No pressure, no words, no worries.

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[1plus1kiyoomi]

Chapter 22: How I Met Your Mother

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“Okay, listen up my children!” Kiyoomi announces in the middle of the living room, the kids all looking up to him. “Your mother won’t be around for 3 days-”

Kin starts crying because of his father’s words, taking Sakusa aback. His boy must love you so much since he’s the only who seems affected that you are away. The girls... don’t care.

“Don’t cry! Don’t cry! We are only 30 minutes in and you’re already crying,” Kiyoomi sighs, picking Kin up from the ground.

“You should not have mentioned mama,” Kia scolds him. Kia takes a seat on the couch which Mina and Mira follows. She is their leader, not Kiyoomi. If a hierarchy is made in your house it would turn out like this:

You

Kia

Mina

Mira

Kin

Kiyoomi

Yes. Sakusa Kiyoomi, the provider and the pillar of the house, is at the lowest ranking in your house, simply because he isn’t around all the time. He only goes home once or twice a month, leaving all the childcare and managing of the house to you. The wedding planning is only the side dish of what’s on your plate. He has so much respect for you that he’s willing to lower his pride and hurt his ego.

Kiyoomi is more than happy to take care of the kids for you. You get to rest and he gets to spend time with your children. It’s a win-win situation for the two of you.

“Mama!” Kin cries harder, and Sakusa bounces him on his arm, hoping it will stop him.

“If you stop crying we will go see the fish!” Kiyoomi cheers and Kin stops crying. “We will change now and then go see fish.”

“Really?” Kia questions her father, already old enough to be aware of Kiyoomi’s fear of crowds and germs. She knows that there is no way that their dad will bring the four of them in the aquarium. Especially since it’s a weekend, so it’ll be packed with people.

And Kia was right. Kiyoomi didn’t bring them to the aquarium, but to a small fish market. Kia is disappointed but not surprised. At least Kiyoomi tried, right? “Where’s the fish?” Kin asks, looking around as he sits in his stroller. The place only has a few people and small stalls, which Kiyoomi really likes.

They stop in front of a stall where fish are laid on trays of ice, shocking the twins. Kia just face palms, and Mina is just standing there but is also in disbelief. “What? It’s fish.” Kiyoomi defends himself, shrugging.

“It’s dead,” Mina remarks as she stares at the deceased sea creatures in front of her.

“A fish is a fish,” Kiyoomi argues. Kia scans through the surrounding and spots a small tank with king crabs in it. She points at it so they go to it. Kin and Mira are now out of their stroller and are almost glued to the glass tank. The owner of the shop comes out asks if they’re going to it at the store. Kiyoomi says yes, since the kids look so excited to be seeing crab for the first time.

What he didn’t take in account is that the kids will recognize that the crab they were staring at outside is now their food. Cue the loud crying from Kin and Mira. The number of times Kia has face palmed because of her father is uncountable. Mina is chill, playing with the claws of the cooked crab, making her younger siblings cry even more.

“Stop crying. Try it!” Mina puts a piece of meat in Mira’s mouth and she stops. Kin halts as well, confused why his twin stopped wailing. Kia feeds him the crab and he falls in love with it. Kiyoomi sighs in relief, very thankful that he has reliable daughters.

One task done.

Their lunch finally ends and they head to the toy store. Kiyoomi has already planned to buy kinetic sand for the twins since he can’t bring them to the beach. It’s a scary place. He might be the most cautious guy in the country, but he’s still like any clumsy father. The chances of him losing one kid at that place is high.

“Do you wanna walk?” Kiyoomi asks the twins, not wanting to carry a stroller around. The two nod so he takes out the safety harness and puts it on them. Mina and Kia are holding hands, walking obediently beside their father. The family of 5 enters the store and the kids become excited immediately.

“We can buy anything we want?” Kia asks in awe, which Kiyoomi just nods to. “Let’s go Mina!”

“Don’t go with strangers, okay?” Kiyoomi tells them as the two run off somewhere in the store. He picks up tubs of kinetic sand, clay, and slime. Then, he follows the twins around the store, picking up whatever they seemed interested in.

“You want that toy car?” Kiyoomi asks Mira, picking them up from the ground so they can see a clearer view of the toys. Kin points at a toy gun at another shelf. “I’m sorry, buddy, but you can’t use that yet, and maybe your mama will shoot me using that if she finds out I bought you one.”

As Kiyoomi and the twins are picking more stuffed animals, Kia and Mina come running towards him. “Papa! Papa! Can I buy a bike?” Kia pleads, tugging on Kiyoomi’s pants. He takes a deep breath in before agreeing to his eldest daughter.

“Where are your toys?” Kiyoomi asks them, seeing that the two girls are empty handed.

“I only want a bike and Mina wants a picture book,” Kia answers. Kiyoomi furrows his eyebrows in disappointment, but in his mind he’s actually really happy that the girls seem to be taking saving into consideration.

“Are you sure?” Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow at them.

“Can I buy a skateboard too...?” Kia shyly requests, doing a cute pose. Kiyoomi chuckles and agrees with her.

“How about you Minari?” Kiyoomi asks the younger girl.

“I want paint,” Kia nonchalantly says and Kiyoomi does a thumbs up to her. After that, they start to run to wherever they can get their wants. Kiyoomi walks after his kids, the twins already asleep in his arms, their heads on his shoulder. He spots Kia, scanning through the wide catalog of bikes, a small skateboard already tucked below her underarms.

“Can I get the blue one?” Kia tells the employee who is assisting her, pointing at the baby blue bike she wants.

“You don’t want the pink one?” The employee asks, presenting the pink bike. Kia looks at him in disgust.

“Do you think girls only like pink?” Kia remarks, taking the employee by surprise. Kiyoomi smiles under his mask, amused by his daughter’s words. He internally taps the his back because he’s pretty much the reason behind her attitude. He’s proud to say that he has raised his children not to believe in gender norms.

Kiyoomi feels someone tug on his pants, so he looks down and sees Mina holding a small cart filled with coloring materials, picture books and papers. “Is that all you want?” Mina nods and holds his hand.

After checking Kia’s bike they head to the cashier to pay. Kiyoomi then realizes that he has done the one thing you told him not to do. Spend money on the kids. But you won’t know right?

One task has been failed.

As they reach the house, all the kids immediately go to the bathroom to wash. Kiyoomi knows that they adapted this habit from him, and he feels happy that they’re understanding his personality even at a young age. Kia even sprays alcohol in her sibling’s hand every time they come back to the car. It’s the little things his little kids are doing for him that makes him love them even more.

The four of them falls asleep after the bath so Kiyoomi arranges the stuff they bought. As he is arranging Mina’s books, he notices the abundant number of books that included dogs. “Does she likes dogs?”

Kiyoomi is tired. He has never felt this tired after intense games or practices. Childcare is a whole new level of tired. Just when he thought he can rest, Mina walks out of her shared room with Kia. “Hi, baby. Did you sleep well?” Kiyoomi asks Mina which she doesn’t respond to. Instead, she comes close to him and hugs his leg. Surprisingly, Mina starts crying. “What’s wrong?”

“I missed you, papa,” Mina explains. Kiyoomi sits on the foamed floor of the living room, giving Mina a hug.

Mina has always been quiet. She always waits for her turn silently. She never begs for attention even if she wants it deeply. Mina only shows affection towards you and Kiyoomi when she’s alone with you, but with her siblings around, she gives way to them. Sometimes, Kiyoomi feels guilty because of this. Unlike Kia, Mina has never spent time with you and Kiyoomi on her own. Plus, she was then followed by the twins when she was still a baby. He’s afraid that Mina might start thinking that she is less important than her siblings.

“I missed you, too, Minari,” Kiyoomi says back. He puckers his lips so Mina gives him a short kiss. He hugs her once again, calming her down from her cry. She calms down so Kiyoomi takes this as a chance to trim her bangs. “Should we cut your hair?”

The two of them go to your shared bathroom as quiet as they can, not wanting to wake the other kids up. Kiyoomi sits Mina down on the sink, then takes a pair of scissors out of the drawers. “Don’t move, okay?” He starts to cut her bangs, thinking he’s doing a good job. But once he lets go of her hair, the room becomes silent.

Sakusa messed up. Big time.

Mina checks her reflection at the mirror and giggles. “Weird,” Mina says in between laughter, causing Kiyoomi to chuckle as well.

“Your mom will be so mad at me...” He cuts some more length off, but no matter how hard he tries, it’s just an uneven. He then decides to stop, not wanting his daughter to look like an unidentified animal.

“I like it, papa. Thank you.” She doesn’t like it, but she doesn’t want to break her father’s heart. Mina hugs Kiyoomi after taking a look at the mirror. Kiyoomi kisses her cheek, then laughs at the result.

“You’re still cute.”

Two tasks done.

As they return to the living room, they see Kia sitting on the living room couch, staring at the wall emptily. She sees Mina’s new hairstyle and grimaces. “You’re bad at cutting hair, papa,” Kia says, unfiltered. Unlike Mina who is considerate like you, Kia is as blunt as Kiyoomi. He doesn’t say anything back since she was right.

“Can you teach Mina the alphabet while I make dinner?” Kiyoomi requests and Kia nods in agreement. Mina goes to Kia while Kiyoomi goes to the kitchen to make dinner. He’s thankful that he has such a reliable daughter. He would probably not make it without Kia around.

Three tasks done. Somehow.

At first, Kia was teaching Mina the alphabet, but then she had to go to Kiyoomi’s bathroom to wash her hands, and that’s when she saw Kiyoomi’s ripped jeans that he wore a day before in the laundry basket. She hurriedly called Mina and ordered her to bring paper and glue.

“Is papa poor?” Mina gasps as Kia presents the ripped jeans to her. They sadly look at the piece of clothing and feel bad for buying so much at the toy store while their father was wearing clothes with holes in it.

The older girl flattens the pair of jeans on the floor and starts to glue the colored paper over the torn parts. Mina mimics Kia and does the same thing to the other leg of the pants. Kiyoomi, still in the kitchen, wonders why he suddenly can’t hear his children. It’s never good when they’re silent.

“Kia! Mina! Where are you?” Kiyoomi shouts and he hears small footsteps coming from his room. He checks over the counter and sees his pants are now covered in decorative paper. He almost drops the knife he is holding from the sudden transformation of his pants.

“We covered the holes in your pants papa! You might get cold!” Kia reasons as she shows off their little project. How can he get mad at them when they are just worried about him?

“Thank you, Kia, Mina,” he laughs and snaps a picture of them on his phone. Things that his kids do that don’t make sense but is damn adorable.

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“Just go to bed. I beg you,” Kiyoomi pleads to his children who are still jumping on the bed. “It’s already almost 12AM. Please sleep.”

Kiyoomi is damn tired. How do you handle the four of them on your own? He suddenly feels bad for leaving you alone with them. And he hasn’t heard a complain from you even once. His love for you has become deeper just from taking care of the kids in one day.

“Bedtime story!” Kia cheers, putting herself inside the blanket, which her siblings follow. Kiyoomi sighs in relief. Finally.

“What kind of story do you want?” Kiyoomi tucks the blankets properly on their bodies, making sure that the four of them are comfortable in his bed.

“How did you meet mama?” Kia asks, causing Kiyoomi to smile.

“How I met your mother, huh?” Kiyoomi hums, thinking about how you first met. His smile grows, remembering every detail of how you met.

The first time Sakusa had met you was in Itachiyama. You were outside the volleyball gym, and he was on his way to practice. For some odd reason, you were smelling the roses by the wall. He thought you were the weirdest person he had encountered and judged you right then and there. After that, he would notice how you came to the same spot to smell the roses every single day. He didn’t even understand what smelled so good about them. He may or may have not tried smelling them after practice just to check why you kept smelling them.

It went on for weeks, but Sakusa never thought of talking to you. He just didn’t see see a reason why he should. Until one day, it rained so heavily that he became so worried for unknown reasons. On his way to practice, he stopped by the usual spot where you would smell the flowers and he didn’t see you there. Of course you wouldn’t be there, it was raining so hard. He didn’t care about you.

He was sure he didn’t care until he found himself carrying a bouquet of roses one morning to give it to you. He couldn’t believe it himself. But he couldn’t contain his feelings anymore.

You were a virus that slowly corrupted his mind that all he could think of is you. Maybe it be in class, during practice, on his way home, before he sleeps, after he wakes and sometimes he even dreams about you. Your virus then slowly travelled to his heart. He couldn’t explain it but every time he saw you, his heart would pound so fast he felt like he would suffer from cardiac arrest.

But it was also you who soothed him. When he was feeling down, he thought of your smile after you smelled the roses and he’s back up again. The calm he felt when he passed by you in hallways was enough to encourage him to do great in practice and in games. He didn’t even know your name but he already has a mission of taking your last name and replacing it with his.

You were his illness and his cure.

His cousin, Komori, wasn’t surprised to see him standing by the school gates with flowers in his hands. As the libero saw the roses, he immediately knew Sakusa was waiting for you.

Sakusa was never quiet about his feelings judgement towards you. Everyday the spiker would complain to the libero about how weird you were. Each day, Sakusa had something new to complain about. You cut your hair? He would say it Komori. You painted your nails a new color? Komori would hear about it. You were wearing a different bag? Komori definitely knew about it from Sakusa.

Komori had concluded that Sakusa had developed a liking towards you but the latter hadn’t notice yet. So when it rained hard the day before and Sakusa’s plays were bad, Komori knew Sakusa would do something about it. Sakusa was an honest man, even to himself, especially to himself.

You were on your way to school, when you saw Sakusa standing by the gates. Of course you knew him. He was famous in your school despite his too blunt personality and germaphobic tendencies. You had a little crush on him, but you also were aware he’d never like you back. You’d go outside their gym everyday to smell on the flowers and see him. He was a happy a crush. So, seeing him with flowers outside your school broke your heart.

‘So he had a lover, huh?’

You walked past him, head lowered in defeat. You heard murmurs and whispers as you continued to walk but you ignore them, head full of sad thoughts. Suddenly, you felt a hand on your shoulder so you turned your head and saw Sakusa standing before you, handing you the bundle of flowers. Everyone else was staring at you and Komori was hiding somewhere, taking a picture of the commotion.

“I think you got the wrong person,” you chuckled awkwardly, not knowing what to do since other students were looking at the two of you. And Sakusa Kiyoomi, the ace of the volleyball team, your happy crush, the man of your dreams, was handing you a bouquet of roses.

“You’re the girl who smells the roses outside our gym every afternoon, right?” Sakusa said as he pulled his mask down.

You literally short circuited. He was much more taller and more gorgeous up close. He smelled good, too. But what surprised you the most was that he lowered his mask to talk to you. Maybe you saved the world once in your past life to be able to experience this.

You nodded unsurely, glancing around you in nervousness, not able to look him in the eye. “Forecast said it’ll rain later in the afternoon so you won’t be able to smell the flowers outside the gym. So take this.” Sakusa explained to you.

You couldn’t believe it. The boy who you had a secret crush on since the first day of school had noticed you. You didn’t expect anything at all. Considering how he was with people, you thought you didn’t have a chance so you never made a move aside from stealing glances and watching from a far. To say that your heart was beating fast and that you felt butterflies in your stomach was an understatement. One more word from him and you would probably burst.

“Is that so?” A smile slowly grew on your lips, finally making eye contact with him. You were trying so hard to play it cool, but your reddening cheeks were giving you off. “Thank you. I’m (Y/N) by the way.”

“You can call me Kiyoomi.”

“And from that day on, I would bring your mother a rose everyday,” Sakusa tells Kia, fondly looking his children, the products of your love.

“So you liked mama ever since you met her?” Kia asks, seeing her father smile foolishly. A small giggle leaves Kiyoomi’s mouth and Kia teases him. “Papa is a simp.”

“Where did you learn that?” Kiyoomi gasps.

“Momo,” Kia answers and Kiyoomi takes a mental note to smack his cousin when he sees him again. “Papa, do you love mama?”

“We wouldn’t have the four of you if I don’t,” Kiyoomi answers with a chuckle. He checks his other kids and they have already fallen asleep. “Now go to sleep.”

“Good night, papa,” Kia greets him before closing her eyes. “I love you and mama so much. I am happy you are our parents.”

“We love you more.” He kisses their forehead one by one, before settling on the edge of the bed. He takes his phone out and messages you, hoping you were still awake.

All tasks complete.

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Facts:

Kia is already 5 years old at this, while Mina is 2 and the twins are 1.

Mina thinks dogs are cute because Komori looks like one and he is her favorite uncle.

Mira is the quiet twin while Kin is the more vocal one.

Kin likes fish because the last time Hinata came over, he showed him a picture of his gold fish. Hinata is Kin’s favorite.

Bokuto is Kia’s new favorite uncle/boyfriend because Atsumu has children and Kita is married. She doesn’t want to get in trouble.

Mira is loyal to Kiyoomi.

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