#Because now they're free and that can actually be a harrowing experience for them

[writingdevil]

hiii! if you're still doing writing requests then may i ask for paracold? i loved the fic you did of them before and how you write the voices in general <3

(YES!! PARACOLD!! I love them, if you couldn't tell. I got straight up possessed the last time I wrote them and I'm actually really proud of how that one came out, so I hope this one will be just as good. Enjoy!)

Paranoid had hoped that once they had been allowed freedom and physical forms, that maybe his fears and anxiety would lessen. But of course, why would that ever be the case?

He thought that things would actually be better for him if he only had himself to worry about, but it became very clear very fast that his mind was a prison.

No matter how peaceful and safe their lives now were, Paranoid's mind just couldn't stop coming up with worst case scenarios, turning every little fear into a wriggling mass of terror within him.

Some instances, he could manage to get under control with a few minutes to himself-remind himself that he was safe, and if that terrible thing was true, then the best course of action was to distrust it, and keep himself and his flock safe.

A lot of his fears came from danger, and the fear of experiencing the trauma he had in the past again, but funnily enough, those were the fears that Paranoid had an easier time with controlling, because he's experienced that type of stress plenty of times now, so he knows how to deal with it.

But then Paranoid was surprised to find that there were other, more emotional fears, that he was now a victim of, ever since getting his own body.

He always cared and worried about his flock, but now he found himself thinking and reflecting on how the others saw him-quite a lot now.

Does Skeptic truly see him as crazy? Is he sometimes too harsh on Broken when he doesn't need to be? Is Hero sick of calming him down after all this time?

While these thoughts plagued him frequently, there was one that continued to torment him every second of the day.

Will Cold lose interest in him?

There was nobody more surprised than Paranoid when he found himself slowly being pulled into Cold's orbit, until the two of them formed an attraction that was both exhilarating and relaxing at the same time.

Cold offered him relief when things got too intense. He didn't immediately see his fears as crazy, instead calmly talking sense to him, helping him see his fears as less daunting than what Paranoid believed them to be.

Cold made Paranoid feel safe and stable when his mind tried to trick him otherwise-along with a million other things he could say about Cold.

But despite how his heart beat wildly for the other bird, the one thing that his mind kept getting fixated with, was the thought of Cold getting bored of him.

Everyone knows what Cold's deal was at this point, how he wanted to seek out the unknown and intriguing, and numb the mundane. Surprisingly, his search led him to Paranoid.

Cold insisted that everything about Paranoid interested him, from how he would conceptualise his fears, to their differing beliefs, and how Paranoid refused to leave Cold in his state of nothingness.

But would that interest fade away with time? What would happen when Cold discovered all he needed to about Paranoid?

Would he leave Paranoid?

That was the current fear that was always eating away at him in the back of his mind, that Cold would get rid of him one day, and all their time together would have been nothing more than measly fun for him.

Every time that they embraced, every kiss that they shared-Paranoid was constantly fearing that it would be the last one, and he would never get a chance to experience those soft moments again.

Paranoid knew it wasn't healthy. He definitely knew it wasn't fair to Cold, to be assuming these things about him, but once the thought entered his head, he couldn't get it out, to the point that it was beginning to taint the happy times he still got to share with Cold.

It got to the point that Paranoid had trouble sleeping-well, he always had trouble with that-but more so with Cold-like tonight, for example.

Currently, it was the middle of the night, and Paranoid's mind was tormenting him once again, and he just stared at a random spot on the wall, waiting pointlessly for sleep as his tired eyes burned.

He could feel Cold behind him, the soft rise and fall of his chest against Paranoid's back, one arm draped over his waist, and his cool breath hitting the back of his neck, sending pleasant shivers down his spine.

Usually being held like this made Paranoid feel safe, but then he started to try and memorise the way Cold's body felt against his own, and then that led to another spiral of painful anxiety.

Paranoid's body felt restless, with a need to toss and turn to try and escape these emotions. But every time he so much as nudged away or even twitched, Cold would just sigh deeply and pull Paranoid even closer against him.

Paranoid sighed in defeat, attempting to shove his face further into his pillow to try and escape his messy thoughts, when he suddenly felt Cold mumble into the back of his neck, "Why aren't you asleep?"

Paranoid froze, trying to ignore what the low, raspy tone of Cold's voice was doing to him, and attempted to act asleep, hoping Cold would believe him, but then he felt Cold shuffle behind him, moving his head to whisper into his ear, "I know you're awake. Your body is as stiff as a rock."

Paranoid sighed, shifting awkwardly in Cold's grip. "Sorry," he muttered, "can't sleep."

"Why? What's wrong now?"

Paranoid tried to hide his flinch at the question, gripping the sheets tight as he said, "Nothing's wrong. I just can't sleep."

Cold chuckled behind him, and Paranoid could feel Cold's gaze wandering all over him, as he replied in amusement, "You're a terrible liar."

Paranoid sighed again, more harshly this time, and twisted his body around so that he was staring up at the ceiling. He refused to look at Cold as he said, "It's the truth. I'm just struggling to fall asleep, but I'll be fine. You don't have to stay awake for me."

Even if he wasn't looking at Cold, he could definitely feel the eye roll of the other, and then Cold's arm squeezed him once as he said, "Hard to fall asleep when I can feel the panic coming from you."

Paranoid turned his head away, but then a wave of icy air hit him as Cold sighed-and then Cold suddenly twisted around and moved to sit up above him and lean over him, grabbing Paranoid by the jaw with one hand and the other holding onto his hip.

Cold gently turned his head to face him, and Paranoid gulped at the sight of Cold's piercing eyes in the dark.

Cold stared down at him in silence for a few seconds, before his eyes narrowed and he asked, "What's wrong?"

"I told you, nothing's wrong."

"It's never nothing with you. There's always a reason why you can't fall asleep, so tell me."

Paranoid gritted his teeth in frustration, but one tap of Cold's finger against his jaw made his muscles relax against his will. Paranoid hated how easy it was to relax around Cold.

They sat there in silence, and Paranoid hoped that he could just wait it out, that if he was stubborn long enough, Cold would lose interest and leave Paranoid to his insomnia-but he didn't.

Paranoid sighed in defeat, and he caught the subtle quirk of Cold's lips, but he ignored it, in favour of looking down at Cold's chest, and quietly said, "There's just something on my mind that I can't stop worrying about."

"I gathered that," Cold said, and Paranoid shot him an annoyed glare. "What's got you worked up this time?"

Paranoid fisted the sheets underneath him, and despite the weight on his chest, he knew that there was no way to avoid this.

He looked at anything that wasn't Cold's face as he hesitantly said, "I've been worrying about something-important, and it involves you, but I don't want you to take it the wrong way."

"I doubt I will." Cold's hold on his jaw loosened up, until he was just caressing it, and Paranoid's eyes fluttered shut at the touch, but before he could fully enjoy it-those thoughts came back.

Thoughts telling him that Cold was only doing this to get him to go asleep, that Paranoid was wasting Cold's time by acting like this, that tonight was when Cold realised that he was too much work to be considered interesting anymore, and end things.

"Hey."

Suddenly, Paranoid was thrown back into reality, and blinked up at Cold, who had leaned further down to him, and was also starting to run his hand up and down his side, comforting him.

"Get out of your head-it's a mess in there. Focus on me."

Paranoid did. He focused on the feel of Cold's soft touches, grounding him to this moment, and Cold even blew a puff of cold air to soothe him-and then Paranoid knew.

Paranoid knew he couldn't keep these thoughts in his head any longer.

"I've been thinking about you, about us, and our future."

Cold was patiently silent.

"I-I-guess I've just been worrying about what will happen in the future."

"What kind of things?" Cold asked, and Paranoid lowered his head in shame. "It's-It's really stupid and dumb-and I know that. But I can't stop thinking about it."

"What is it?"

"What if-" Paranoid paused, taking a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for disappointment, annoyance, or even hurt, from Cold. "What if you get bored of me?"

There. It was out.

The silence was unbearable, and Paranoid forced himself to look Cold in the eye, to try and figure out how he was feeling.

But Cold's face was just blank as he looked down at him, and Paranoid was beginning to think that this was the end-when Cold hummed thoughtfully, and said, "You're right. That is a very dumb thought."

Instead of getting annoyed, Paranoid jumped right to defending himself. "I'm sorry-I know it's wrong to think-I just-"

"You're worried about becoming boring around me?" Cold asked, and Paranoid tensed up at the question, but still nodded. He looked away as he said, "It's just-what if I become predictable and dull to you?" His nerves crept back up in that moment. "You wouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't make you feel anything, and the last thing I'd want to feel like you forcing yourself to do things with me-"

"I wouldn't see a point in pretending to like something with you," Cold calmly argued, and Paranoid still couldn't tell if he was offended or not. "We'd just be wasting each other's time."

A small bit of tension left Paranoid's body at Cold's words. He was right. Cold would never play along for the sake of another's feelings. He did what he believed needed to be done, sparing no one, not even Paranoid.

He found a comfort in that, that Cold would never let them play along in a relationship that was long past dead.

Cold stroked a thumb along Paranoid's jawline, and Paranoid tried not to lose focus in that moment. "So," Cold continued, "I think it's safe to say that I'm not forcing myself to be around you."

"But what if that still happens?" Paranoid nervously asked, trying to move his head away from Cold's grip, but to no avail. "Not the pretending, but the fact that one day you might seek something that I can't give you anymore."

Paranoid suddenly felt tears welling up in his eyes, and he tried to sharply turn his head away, but Cold quickly cupped Paranoid's cheek to keep them facing each other.

Paranoid unsuccessfully tried to bat Cold's hand away, and in a fit of frustration he snapped, "Stop that! You're not helping!"

Cold's eyes froze Paranoid to the spot as he countered with in a low voice, "Endlessly worrying about how our relationship could end also doesn't strike me as helpful."

They locked eyes for what felt like forever.

But Paranoid broke first.

All the fight left his body, and he slumped in Cold's hold, leaning further into his hand.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling utterly disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry for thinking those things about you. I'm awful."

"You're not awful," Cold softly argued, him being the one to avoid eye contact this time. "You're just scared, and you can't help that."

"Would it be so bad," Cold began tentatively, his hand on Paranoid's hip delicately brushing the feathers, "If I lost interest in you? Why does that scare you so much? If anything, I'll just be one less thing to worry about."

Paranoid's hand reached up to grab at the hand cupping his cheek, wrapping his fingers around Cold's chilly wrist. His gaze softened as he took in Cold's-mostly-blank face, but Paranoid could see the darkness clouding in his eyes, and he gave his wrist a small squeeze to get his attention.

Cold looked back at him, and Paranoid felt his face burn as he admitted, "It scares me because then that would mean everything we did didn't mean as much to you. It would make me feel-like you had taken a piece of me and thrown it away, and I wouldn't be able to get it back."

He didn't want that. He didn't want to go through that pain. He's seen the way Broken and Smitten can get, and he's scared of breaking like that.

Cold could have all of Paranoid's pieces, so long as he wishes to cherish them.

Cold's eyes widened slightly at that, and Paranoid wanted to keep apologising, for thinking the worst of Cold, for questioning his loyalty to Paranoid-but before he could, Cold hummed again, getting his attention.

"I mean that much to you?" he asked, and Paranoid couldn't tell if he was asking for clarification, or was genuinely surprised. Either way, Paranoid's heart began to race, and he found that words weren't coming to his head fast enough, so he just nodded.

Then Cold surprised Paranoid by laughing-letting soft, amused chuckles spill out of him, and Paranoid just stared, wide eyed up at his partner, having no idea if this reaction was good or bad.

Cold's eyes flashed with amusement, and he leaned down, close enough that Paranoid could trace the feathers on the other's face, sticking out and ruffled from his slumber, and Paranoid wanted nothing more than to just gently run his fingers through them and preen them back into place.

The intensity in Cold's lidded eyes made Paranoid's breath hitch, as Cold whispered into the darkness, "Well, unfortunately, I find myself captivated by you."

Paranoid's response was nothing more than a hushed breath, "Why?"

Cold trailed the hand that had been at his side, up to his chest, right where his pounding heart was. He shrugged and said, "I always feel like you have the most interesting and useful outlook. My mind keeps going back to you, because I know you'll give me what I want. You feel so much, so much so that you're even in charge of the automatic nervous system. Who wouldn't want to peer inside your mind?"

"But that's just curiosity," Paranoid argued, and he wasn't sure why he was arguing against Cold on their relationship. "Your curiosity will fade, and you'll know everything you need to know. There's only so much of me that can keep your attention."

Paranoid was just terrified of being abandoned, as if he was nothing more than a tool for someone to use, as if he didn't have his own feelings on the matter. Cold wasn't evil, Paranoid knew this, but Cold also never let himself get weighed down by things that he deemed useless.

Paranoid just didn't want to be one of those useless things.

Cold studied him for a few seconds, and then he asked him, "Can you remind me who asked who out?"

The question surprised Paranoid, but the answer still immediately came to his head. "You did."

Cold nodded, rubbing his thumb over his cheek softly. "That's right. I wouldn't get involved with something or someone if I didn't think I could commit to it."

Paranoid looked away, ashamed-but Cold wouldn't let him. He always made sure Paranoid's eyes were on him.

"I'm not mad at you for thinking like that. You've spiralled over less important things. Honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long to have worries about us."

That actually got a chuckle out of Paranoid, and the heaviness in his heart lessened, especially when he saw the upward quirk of Cold's mouth.

Cold continued to gently rub his cheek as he said, "Even if I learn every tick and tell of yours, every path you could go down, I'll always find myself gravitating towards you."

"You don't think you'll get bored and sick of me?" Paranoid asked, and Cold shook his head, moving his hand down from his cheek and back to his jaw.

"What if it's not boredom in the end but-satisfaction? Contentment?" Cold suggested and-oh, oh Paranoid hadn't thought of that.

Cold smirked as the realisation showed on Paranoid's face, and he leaned back a bit, with a satisfied glint in his eyes.

"I can see myself sticking with you until the end," Cold said, and Paranoid's body was beginning to relax again, and all the tension and anxiety that had gripped his mind was starting to leave him, and his arms found themselves wrapping around Cold's middle.

Paranoid gave the other a small smile and teased, "Till death do us part? How romantic of you."

But then Cold went, "Oh, no," chuckling in a sinister tone as he leaned up straight to fully loom over Paranoid, his grip on his jaw tightening like at the start of this confrontation.

His eyes were shining with a dark promise as he whispered, "Death won't keep you from me."

Paranoid's breath hitched-and then suddenly his feathers were fluffing up without his consent, and he realised in a moment of mortification that he was swooning over Cold's words.

Cold realised this too, as Paranoid heard his breath also hitch-and then the next thing Paranoid knew, Cold was swiftly leaning down to press their lips together.

Paranoid sighed into the kiss, finally feeling as if he had been released from a dark prison of his own making, and now he was free to love his partner again without any fear.

The kiss was soft and firm, filling Paranoid with a warmth that spread all across his body. It was a reassuring kiss-one that let him know that Cold was here and he wants to be.

Paranoid's eyes began to droop, and his movements started to slow, until Cold broke the kiss with a content sigh, leaning down to half lay on Paranoid, one arm wrapped across his chest firmly, and Cold tucked his face into the crook of Paranoid's neck, and he pressed a final kiss there, making Paranoid sigh in relief.

"Now," Cold mumbled, "go to sleep. It's far too late to be thinking about anything this deeply."

Paranoid chuckled, nuzzling his face against Cold's, feeling himself slip deeper and deeper into slumber.

"Okay," he mumbled, "sorry again."

"It's fine. Goodnight."

"G'night Cold," Paranoid whispered, struggling to stay awake at this point, and he was about to let sleep take over him when he whispered, "I love you."

Paranoid fell asleep, not aware of how Cold stiffened at his words, staring at Paranoid for a long, long time.

He was also still asleep when Cold decided to lean into his ear, and whisper three certain words back to him.

[makedonsgriva]

Random, what are your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them?

Oh this is a pretty cool ask!

I will list five here!

1. We Should Just Kiss (Like Real People Do)

I’m actually pretty proud of this fic because it’s the first one I wrote after a pretty long hiatus and I was very nervous about it because a) it was my first fic for a new fandom b) it has explicit sexual content and I wasn’t sure if could pull it off nicely c) writing calamity xie lian and wu ming was a task alright like this fic took me almost a month i guess?? and d) since it was something I’d written after so long I was nervous my writing would be crappy

But people liked it and even I was very satisfied and pleased with how it turned out in the end! I’m pretty proud of it. Idk how I was inspired to write this fic because I started on a draft of it in the notes app of my phone while I was commuting back to home after my internship (harrowing experience fr)

(Maybe the fic made me channel out all my frustrations caused by the internship via xie lian)

2. I Really Like Your Company

I love this fic because it’s the first multi chapter fic I completed and posted. Also because it was my lifeline fr while I was grappling with many things. I’d started it as a gift for one of my dear friends and then it just became so much more. It’s so warm and comforting.

I was throwing in tropes and all cute stuff I could imagine in it and it made me happy. Writing that fic, getting comments on it made me very happy. I love that fic.

3. Once More We Try

Okay I’m actually still working on this fic and as a matter of fact I was working on its latest chapter before this and I truly think this fic has quickly become one of my favourites because I love writing all the characters in it so much. There’s so much to explore and so much to write and it’s a challenge but such a good challenge!

Idk how I got the inspiration for the fic I was just scrolling through tumblr one day and I randomly got this thought that huh what if SY had died instead of throwing Binghe in the abyss? And then I posted that idea and.

IT BLEW UP?

so I thought whoa why wait for someone else to write it when I can write it so I got down to business and here we are! It’s super fun. I love this fic so much. It’s also my first fic for scum villain fandom and I’m so glad it’s been so well received ❤️

4. Song of The River City

Another TGCF fanfic! I’ve put it on hold for now as I’m planning to complete OMWT before I get back to it. I’m actually very proud of this AU where we have ghost king! Xie Lian who had died during the hundred sword scene and cultivator! Hua Cheng (who had dispersed his soul as Wu Ming and was re incarcerated as the cultivator). I’m planning to do great things with this AU and I also love writing a darker XL.

The inspiration for this fic was that I was just thinking about the hundred sword scene and I thought, huh what if that guy died here? So I got down to work.

I love this fic and writing all the characters in it and plotting out the backstories is very fun! Especially the latest chapter where I’d posted the fengqing backstory is one of my favourites. I’m proud of it.

5. I Remember It

So this is just 100 words long and I love this fic because I feel like I managed to break mine and all its readers hearts in so few words. I love writing drabbles because they are always a good challenge for me and this one is a particular favorite of mine. The inspiration for it was actually a fic idea that I later scrapped away. The fic was supposed to be from the pov of snowbaz’s kid and her experience with them as she got older and they aged too and yeah.. somehow it turned into that.

Thank you so much for the ask!

[deadlydelicious]

book ask time babe! 3, 6, 13, 20 <3

Right, here we go. I'll preface this by saying i've read 24 books this year, but it wasn't nearly as good of a reading year as 2022. I had a lot of meh 3 star reads this year, but still, for your perusal my dear.

if anyone is curious about the book asks, find them here, and feel free to drop your own ask.

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Wylding Hall by Elizabeth Hand

Hands down my favorite book of the year, and one of my new favorite books of all time. Its actually prompted me to start looking into reading more horror. This story is told through a series of interviews with a band about the events surrounding the recording of their world famous album decades ago, sort of like Daisy Jones. The hook question here though is 'what happened to the lead singer' as we come to understand that at some point during this whirlwind recording summer while they're all shacking up in this creepy old mansion, the lead singer Julian disappeared from his locked bedroom and was never seen again. Its very short, and I listened to it as a audiobook and they went the extra mile of having different voice actors for each band member which added to the immersion. Highly recommend for those who want a spooky book that won't leave you traumatized.

2. In Memorium by Alice Winn

Possibly the most devastating book i've ever read, this book tackles an MLM romance on the highly realistic backdrop of WW1. The romance between the two leads- childhood friends who went to the same exclusive boarding school- is secondary to the brutality of the trenches and the harrowing emotional and mental toll it takes. You need a strong stomach to read this as Winn pulls no punches describing the filth and gore of trench-warfare. There were numerous times in this book where I was gut-punched by sudden character deaths, or off-hand references to upcoming battles which I knew turned out to be massacres. I recommend it, but know that it is a highly emotional reading experience. It will completely grip you by the heart, and you'll likely need to unwind with a fluffy rom-com after (like i did)

3. Innate Magic by Shannon Fey

This was an odd book, a sort of quirky story set in a 40s/50s world were practicing certain types of artificer magic are part of the economy, but having innate magic is highly illegal. The main character Paul is a bisexual magical tailor with an innate magic blessing/curse on him that makes him instantly likeable, but incapable of committing violence- which is a problem as he is a major shit-stirrer. I'll admit, most of the book feels like its juggling 3 completely separate plots before finally managing to weave them together, but what makes this book so good is how real Paul is as a character, and the relationship between him and his chosen-brother Thomas. Its very pulpy, pretty tropey, and definitely not going to win any awards, but I couldn't help but love it. Massive content warning for the conclusion though, out of nowhere we get an INTENSELY gory scene of someone being skinned alive which honestly turned my stomach to read. Read at your own discretion

4. The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez

The weirdest book I have ever read, this tells the story of two warriors trying to escort the captured moon goddess to safety while her monstrous demigod sons pursue her. I can tell you that's the plot, but it does not encapsulate the expirience of reading this book, which is told to you in the format of a man experiencing this story as a myth from his childhood that he is now watching as a theater production in his dreams. The vibes in this book are unlike anything I have ever read, and I recommend it if only because it made me feel like I was rediscovering the way in which books and stories could be constructed.

5. If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio

This is a bit cheeky because I actually read it late last year, but it has sat in my brain like a lingering smoke since then, far more than some other things I read in 2023. I love a dark academia when its used as a genre, not an aesthetic (more on that in q13), and this book nails that gut clench of desperation, pressure, an hedonistic opportunity that hits in university, and the added layer of it being an arts program made it really hit home for me because you have all these people wringing themselves dry for their art, aware that their best friends are also potentially their professional competition, a mood that I'm very familiar with have graduated from an art school with a similar high intensity environment.

BONUS Picture Book Pick (because I'm me) - The Comet by Joe Todd-Staton - A very sweet story about the struggle for a parent and child to connect in a busy world with some truly gorgeous illustrations from Joe Todd-Stanton

6. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

Godly Heathens by H. E. Edgmon

This only recently released so I've not got my hands on it yet, but it sounds like it has all the ingredients to be one of my favorites- nonbinary main character written by a queer author, Goddess of Death as the villain, the main romance between reincarnated godly lovers who maybe used to be evil? This one is top of my TBR

Lavender House by Lev Ac Rosen

Good old gumshoe detective story where the mystery takes place in a house that acts as a safe haven for queer people in the homophobic 1950's. The second one in the series came to my attention earlier this year, so I had to add book 1 to my TBR

Absynthe by Brendan P. Bellecourt

Everyone knows i'm a sucker for decopunk, and a story set in an alternate history version of the 1920's where Absynthe sometimes has the strange side effect of giving you magic powers leading to a hi-stakes political intrigue plot? Sign me up. I received this one for christmas, and its been patiently waiting on my shelf for a full year.

13. What were your least favorite books of the year?

Catherine House by Elizabeth Thomas- This book made me legitimately angry about how bad it was. A meandering waste of text that claimed to be dark academia, but really it was just using it a university campus as set dressing for a story about...something? It could ever seem to decide if it was about unethical medical experiments on students, cult indoctrination, or (as it turned out in the end) a modern retelling of Bluebeard. either way it just felt like the author was throwing a bunch of wet spaghetti at the wall, hoping something would stick and congeal into a 'dark academia story' without spending a minute thinking through how to get there. Also highly egregious- I've seen literal rocks with more personality and drive than the main character. If i wasn't such a stubborn bastard I would have DNF'd it. Do Not Recommend

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

I have to admit I don't tend to keep track of upcoming releases unless its an author or series i'm actively following. I took a long break from reading in my early - mid 20s, so i'm enjoying playing catchup and reading books that I may have missed when they first hit shelves. I will say this year I finally read House in the Cerulean Sea, which I found a bit disappointingly lackluster, but that coming up for next year though I am really looking forward to The Mars House from Natasha Pulley

[aniseandspearmint]

XD

The dream left off there, but growing the idea a little (bc, not gonna lie, this is living rent free in my head a little);

-Frodo and Annatar probably looked each other up and down for 3 incredulous seconds. And then then simultaneously decided; this is a thing that goes on a mental shelf for now (if they keep stacking things in front of it, they can hold off on it forever! Surely that is a thing they can do that will definitely work!)

- Frodo is very wobbly. And disconcerted. And not used to having this much leg and arm tbh. Hobbits are small and easily overlooked! Now he can look Annatar in the eyes! He is Not Enjoying suddenly being a Big Folk and would like to have a nice sit down and cry about it maybe, but alas, they are in a dark and creepy tower and there is Danger, and he's suddenly very aware he's not wearing shoes. His feet are horrifyingly small and hairless, and kind of cold, and- he's gonna set that aside for now. Because DANGER. Perk of having a piece of Annatar still tho! He seems to instinctually remember the towers layout!

-Annatar and Celebrimbor can probably sense one another. They know the other is Here Too, and that is a RELIEF, even tho Annatar probably had to send the vague impression of 'oh-thank-Eru-youre-here-too! Gotta-concentrate-on-not-dying! Luv-you-see-you-soon!' And then concentrate on avoiding guard rotations with a wobbly coltish Frodo beside him, then picking locks on 12 confused prisoners chains. Finrod is not as confused so much as just very very relieved (They do not have the keys. Sauron has the keys. They're resourceful tho, and found, IDK, some little iron spiky bits somewhere?)

-Finrod is so fucking relieved. He has had this nightmare before, frequently even, but he CAN tell the difference between a nightmare and reality and Knew the instant his soul snapped into his old body that this was Real. And unlike Celebrimbor there isn't a bond with Annatar to comfort and reassure him. So for the bit between waking and Annatar showing up, he thinks he is ALONE. At the beginning of the worst experience of his entire existence. O__O

-Annatar absolutely gets grabbed and hugged by a silently crying Finrod the INSTANT the locks are picked.

Then;

Finrod: *squints at the other elf picking Beren out of his chains* Who is-

*strange elf turns a little and gives him a Look*

Finrod: ... FroDO?!?!?!? How-

Annatar: We have no idea. We're Not Talking About It NOW. Now let go and grab a spike and pick a lock! We need to get OUT of here before HE comes looking!

Finrod: Sure, okay, why not. This might as well happen.

- Finrod's ten are thoroughly THOROUGHLY confused. But like, time and a place for questions. Sauron's dungeon is Not It.

-Annnnd they almost make it out, but Sauron catches them! Because would it truly be Harrowing related if there WASN'T an uncomfortable reflection on ones past actions and personal growth?

-Sauron is VERY CONFUSED. This is an ELF. That is, in a Truth of the World Undeniable Way, him. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

Mairon.exe has crashed.

- Annatar, for his part... Is embarrassed and angry, probably? He is literally face to face with a person that is petty and evil and terrible, and he REMEMBERS BEING THIS ASSHOLE. UGH!

- IDK if they would talk much beyond a 'who/what tf are YOU' and a 'wouldnt YOU like to know' exchange? Sauron because he's in a mental loop of 'wtf wtf WTF' and also getting his ass handed to him, and Annatar because he's been this person, he knows trying to talk would be wasted, and the less Sauron knows to tell Morgoth eventually, the better.

MEANWHILE

- Celebrimbor knows Annatar is here also, and is smart enough to know where he likely landed, and also knows that he can't get there in time to help probably. *angry and helpless gritting of teeth*

- Oh Eru, he'd managed to forget exactly how much of a flaming disaster Nargothrond was immediately after Finrod was ousted (lbr, it probably always was a bit, but now things are REALLY burning).

- I'm not sure if he'd stay? Like, the dream was vaguer on what he was doing. And iirc, the canon timeline is kind of vague too. I guess it depends on if this is right before Curufin and Celegorm have kidnapped Luthien, or after? Both have interesting potential.

- Celebrimbor: *looks at Nargothrond* yeah, no I'm out. Not doing THIS again. *goes to find Luthien*

- Either way, he probably ends up attaching himself to Luthien and Huan and meets Annatar and co halfway?

HEY.

I had the most interesting dream after falling asleep switching between the latest chapter of The Horrowing and a time travel fix it in another fandom. I thought you might enjoy a brief summary?

Post fic canon Annatar, Finrod, Celebrimbor, and Frodo getting the most hilarious do over of the First Age.

Finrod and Celebrimbor got dropped in their past bodies, bc same souls. Which has Finrod JUST captured by Sauron, before any of his 10 have been munched.

Celebrimbor is of course having a surreal not quite panic attack in Nargothrond.

Annatar, well. Annatar is CHANGED. He is quite literally too different from what he once was for them to qualify as the same soul anymore. Which is gratifying. If inconvenient bc there are now TWO of him, Annatar and full on Sauron. But they're similar enough that Annatar was dropped very close to Sauron.

Frodo is an elf. Dream logic was that hobbits do not exist yet, and his soul has touches of Annatar and Aman. He looks disconcertingly like a mix of Annatar and Celebrimbor, and they are NOT thinking about that right now. Hopefully ever.

Most of the dream centered around all of them doing their best to set aside freak outs, while getting Finrod and his merry band (plus Beren) OUT of Sauron's grasp.

There was a FANTASTIC moment where on the way out, Sauron comes face to face and soul to soul with Annatar and he's just like;

Sauron: *jaw dropped fully horrified face* WHAT are YOU?!?!?

Annatar: *shoving elves behind him, nose in the air* Wouldn't YOU like to know, weather boy. *uses Song to blast him through a wall while he's distracted*

The whole thing featured 10 other elves and Beren as a baffled peanut gallery.

Meanwhile Celebrimbor is weighing the pros and cons of just- drugging his uncles and shoving them in a back room somewhere where he can bolt the door. He thinks he can maybe get Huan to help if he explains?

It was SO much fun.

(hope you have a good day!)

Oh my god. This may be the best ask I've ever gotten, for so many reasons.

The fact that your subconscious was like "Yeah if Frodo's getting a new body it looks like Annatar For Some Reason"

The image of future!Annatar getting into a fight with Sauron in front of Finrod (probably happy about this development) and Beren and the other 10 (INCREDIBLY CONFUSED)

The fact that the dream was partially centered on everybody trying not to panic, which is in fact what the Harrowing is all about for a while

Absolutely incredible.

...I feel so bad for poor Celebrimbor dealing with Nargothrond all by himself while the others are off having adventures. I hope their next stop after the rescue is to swing by and pick him up. Also, I dearly want to know what Annatar has to say to Beren on the subject of his current Luthien-and-Thingol-and-Silmarils situation.

[616marcspector]

dude i will pay you to say more about autistic marc spector. fighting off your sister rn

*she runs off crying with a bloody nose*

omg ty gibs ur my hero

ALRIGHT TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE 'TISM. i spoke before about his body language and one scene i really love is the one with layla on the boat.

the way his hands keep moving in calming repetitive motions, the way he's looking at them instead of her for a bit (bc even those of us who are okay with eye contact still need to take breaks cuz it is Hard), the way he's a little jumpy and his speech is a little disjointed even though they're just chilling out on a boat bc we literally do not know how to relax (this one is especially common for autistic people with childhood trauma)

and you can really tell that he's holding everything in all the fuckin time like. you'll find this so much with autistics who had an abusive parent(s), bc we had to mask all the time for fear of attracting unwanted attention, it carries on to adulthood where we can hardly express any of our emotions properly bc we weren't allowed to simply Be Autistic when we were younger yk? like part of it is just the autistic experience of our resting face being like 😐 but then add to it a quiet, sad numbness so even when we're happy abt smthn it's just like a little :) bc we've been masking so long we can barely remember how we're Supposed to enjoy things yk? and like i've had to teach myself to experience things properly, i've had to consciously let myself flap my hands and make my funny little noises and i think someone should let marc know that it's safe for him to stim <3

another thing i've thought a lot about is how he seems to be masking less in ep5! and i think it's bc of the sheer shock of everything and how it's such a different environment and he's around someone he trusts a lot (steven) so he's just so overwhelmed he Has to lose it a bit yk? like compare the scene in ep2 where steven tells him everything is his fault to the scene in ep5 where steven tells him everything is his fault. in ep2, marc shouts, not incredibly loud, but loud enough. he kicks the mirror, lashing out but not physically hurting anyone. he notices the scarab is gone, yells, clenches his fists, etc, but he is still Tense Tense Tense. he's not expressing everything. then we go to ep5, he's gotten more comfortable with steven, there's no one else around, he's been having the most stressful day maybe ever. so when steven says those words, he just Screams. and he hits his head and it hurts but he keeps doing it bc the feelings are too much and He's Letting Himself Feel It. (watching that scene is almost funny to me because when i watched the moon knight trailer for the first time i did the same thing and then i didn't stop crying the whole day 😭). and then he's back in the office and harrow is there speaking gently and he gets something to hold and he's Quiet. and for me that is one of the only scenes where marc actually seems calm (or at least, calmer than usual). he's normally such a big bundle of nerves that feel like they're going to explode at any moment and in that scene he looks like he finally let some of it go.

anyway a different sister is distracting me now so im gonna stop here but please feel free to add on with any more thoughts you have bc autistic marc spector is literally one of my favourite topics in the world :)

[kharonion]

This is your free pass to gush about something you want from any ship you'd like - gimme the sweet lore! <3

Oh gosh, thank you, Halk. I've definitely needed an excuse to talk about blorbos. 🥺💚

I haven't gone on about these two in a hot minute, so have some ramblings about Gail, Charon, and the DLC content (because that's something I've never really touched on, now that I think of it).

[Wonderful art by Sam (@adarlingmess) 💚]

(These are in chronological order and are more-so brief overviews. I'm always open to questions about specifics!)

Broken Steel. This is, obviously, a big one, between the final battle against the Enclave and Gail's recuperation from the purifier's activation. The former is relatively self-explanatory (insert "war never changes" monologue here). Post-purifier is a bit more... involved. The two-week wait during Gail's recovery leads Charon to ruminate quite a bit, and in turn, their relationship grows upon Gail coming to. Eventually, the effects of the massive radiation show themselves; Gail becomes chronically ill for, seemingly, no discernible reason. In time, though, they learn that they're essentially internally ghoulifing. No longer seen as human, Gail is stripped of their BoS status by Maxson and cast out entirely.

Point Lookout. Without the binds of duty anymore, Gail and Charon decide to take a 'vacation'—which, of course, doesn't go as they expect. Their sequence of events is quite different from the 'canon' one. They do meet Desmond, but they don't proceed with the main quest line after that; most of the time in Maryland is spent exploring. It serves as a relative lull, aside from a few moments (i.e. Blackhall, Turtlelove Detention Camp, and helping Desmond with the initial attack on the mansion).

The Pitt. As opposed to the 'canon', for them, this starts with Ashur actually calling for the "recruitment" of Gail (who by this point has developed a reputation for their medical prowess). Of course, the raiders took that as "capture and enslave". Charon refuses to sit idly by, not while his life partner is in danger, so he infiltrates The Pitt, masquerading as a man-of-few-words raider. He plays the role for as long as he needs to, formulating an escape plan while also keeping tabs on Gail, ensuring their safety as much as possible. Even with such a harrowing experience, the two find that it brings them emotionally closer, knowing they truly can place the deepest trust into one another.

Operation: Anchorage. Quite a few liberties are taken with this one. The most integral is that it isn't Gail who does the simulation; it's Charon. (This is because of my headcanon backstory for him, which I will make a post about... at some point soon. In short, he was stationed at Anchorage as a human.) Completing it causes some rather vivid memories to be unlocked, which Gail helps him to process and address.

Mothership Zeta. Okay, so, they don't actually do this one... because I really can't imagine why in the world they would. 😂