#Because Yo Han is NOT going to be easy to approach

[amethystina]

Hello, I hope you're doing better.

I just wanted to tell you that since I read the latest chapter of Who Holds The Devil you have revived in me some ideas and scenarios I had in mind about the show.

Like what if everything worked out for Yohan's plans after episode 12 (when Gaon left Yohan and Elijah) without K or Soohyun dying? What would happen then?

Yohan will definitely leave after some point to Switzerland with Elijah because he already planned it for her treatment, even if he is not a criminal in Korea or presumed dead. But how long will it take him to leave?

And what will Gaon do? Will he start dating Soohyun or keep whatever they have between them as it is? If he dates her, will they work out or realise they were better together as friends and family but nothing more? ( I personally believe that when they start dating at the beginning, everything will seem perfect. But as time goes on, they will realise that it won't work out between them as they took a very long time to get to this point, and that it was too late.)

Will Gaon stay in contact with Elijah? (Maybe.) Or Yohan? ( I doubt it.)

Will Gaon miss them? Will he ever realise that Yohan loved him or that he had some kind of feelings for Yohan?

Basically, what would've happened if all the baggage from the last episodes never occurred. After the rejection on Gaon's part in episode 12, I believe Yohan will want to stay away from Gaon but I could be wrong.

The latest chapter reminded me of all these ideas and questions I had, but now we have a lot more baggage and issues to work through which makes me even more excited to explore what will happen next.

I trust your storytelling abilities as they have not once failed me for all this time I was following this fic.

Take care of your self, and when you feel better come back with a new amazing chapter as always.

I'm doing better, thank you 💜

Wow. Yeah, that's a lot of thoughts! And very interesting ones! And I think some of it depends on exactly how Yo Han decides to finish his plans. Like, killing people on national television would still make him a criminal, so I'm guessing that's not what he does? But he still gets his revenge somehow?

But yeah, he'd definitely still go to Switzerland since that has clearly been a part of his plan for years. And I think he'd actually go as soon as possible. Maybe he'd give Elijah time to say goodbye to Ga On, but that depends on what terms he and Ga On are, I'd say. If we assume that none of the baggage happened (including Soo Hyun dying, Ga On attempting to murder Yo Han, etc.) I think that Yo Han would keep his distance from Ga On, yes. Out of sheer pride and self-preservation, if nothing else. And Ga On has Soo Hyun so he wouldn't seek Yo Han out, since he knows that Soo Hyun doesn't like Yo Han and he wouldn't want to upset her.

So, sadly enough, I think Yo Han and Ga On would drift apart. Maybe they'd still cooperate somehow to take down the baddies, but, as horrible as it may sound, Soo Hyun's death actually brought them closer together. Even Ga On trying to kill Yo Han did in some ways since, from that point on, they're forever tied together what with Yo Han carrying the scar Ga On gave him. And without that? With Soo Hyun there to plead with Ga On not to do something dangerous? Ga On wouldn't chase after Yo Han. And Yo Han wouldn't chase after Ga On since he's already been rejected and is too prideful.

So I think that Yo Han would leave for Switzerland with Elijah and Ga On would stay in touch with her, yes, but not Yo Han. Maybe he'd try a couple of times, but Yo Han wouldn't respond. And, eventually, Ga On will stop trying because who is Yo Han to him anyway? Just his weird boss who he lived with for a while — and kind of wanted to take care of because he seemed so lonely — who was also a terrible influence on him. So, clearly, it might be for the better that they don't talk anymore.

(You keep telling yourself that, Ga On)

As for Ga On and Soo Hyun, I think they would start dating, yes, and I think they'd be pretty happy there at the beginning. If in a pretty boring and uneventful way. Like, there's not really much passion between them, is there? But they'd be content. It'd be safe and sweet.

I'm not sure if they'd notice that there's something wrong, though. I think that both of them have been waiting for this for so long that they'd be determined to make it work, even if that means ignoring the warning signs. I honestly think they'd both pretend everything was fine long after the point where it's not. And that both of them would silence the niggling doubts by saying that this is just how all relationships are — there will be dips. Nothing is perfect all the time. And it's not like they're arguing or anything.

It's just a little dull, that's all.

In short, I think they'd be stuck. Not in a way that makes them genuinely unhappy, but they certainly wouldn't be honest with themselves or each other, either. Which isn't the worst way to live, but it's also not the best one.

And I think that Ga On would miss Elijah and Yo Han, yes, though he wouldn't be honest about why he does. He'd just say it's because he cares about them and it's sad that he can't talk to them as often — or at all, in Yo Han's case. And, in a similar vein, I don't think Ga On would try to explore his feelings for Yo Han, or Yo Han's feelings for him. Because Ga On would be able to tell that danger lies in that direction and he'd rather remain in denial.

But he would think about Yo Han a lot. And probably do a doubletake every time they mention Yo Han or show his picture in the media. And he'd ask Elijah about how Yo Han is doing. He'd find himself cooking Yo Han's favourite food, even if he's not there to eat it. He'd miss the house. He'd miss the quiet nights reading.

He'd still wear the watch.

And all that longing would only make Ga On double down and be even more determined to make things work with Soo Hyun. Because the alternative is just too scary. He doesn't want there to be another explanation as to why he misses Yo Han. He wants his safe and happy life with Soo Hyun.

Everything else is shoved aside, pushed down, and ignored.

And, eventually, I think Soo Hyun would notice that something is wrong. But she doesn't know what and, even if she kind of hates herself for it, she's too afraid of the answer to ask. Because she doesn't want to lose Ga On and, deep down, she can tell that he is slipping away from her, slowly but surely. Just from the fact that his smiles are a little too hollow sometimes, and he's often staring off into space, lost in thought. So she tries her best to help him, as always, but, for some reason, it doesn't seem to work as well as it usually would.

But of course it'd eventually come crumbling down. And — since I'm a dramatic bitch — I suggest it'll do so when Yo Han and Elijah eventually drop by for a visit (mostly Elijah's doing, of course, with Yo Han reluctantly agreeing). More specifically the moment when Ga On comes face to face with Yo Han again for the first time in months — maybe even a year? — and everything he's been trying to suppress rushes to the surface and hits him like a freight train.

Because he's been living comfortably with Soo Hyun, sure, and he loves her dearly, but there's not much of a spark. But the one he had with Yo Han? That's been just a softly glowing ember since they parted ways?

Turns out that seeing Yo Han again — and being faced with all that intensity and enticing hint of danger once more — is all it takes to ignite it again. To turn it into a wildfire.

All of a sudden, Ga On is reminded of what real attraction feels like.

And the fact that it's not aimed at his girlfriend is definitely going to be a bit of a problem.

... aaaaaand maybe I should stop now. Because I'm not sure if you actually wanted me to answer what I think x'D

Anyway! Yes, very interesting things to ponder! And I think there are several ways to go, depending on what angle one wants to take and what happened during those last episodes. Like, if Yo Han and Ga On reconciled after their breakup, I think some parts would obviously play out differently. But, if they didn't? I'd go with something like what I said above.

But, again, that depends entirely on what you want to accomplish. Trust me when I say that there are always ways to tweak what happens to your liking but still make it feel in character and realistic. I'm somewhat of an expert on that, I've been told xD

Thank you so much for sharing, anyway! It was a very fun thought experiment! And I do hope to be able to get back to writing sometime soon. I'm actually feeling better than I have in a long time, but I think I'm going to make a separate post about that. We'll see.

I hope you have a great day! Take care 💜

[esuemmanuel]

For someone who is extremely sensitive, solitude is more attractive than anything else, because in solitude one is safe; there are no words or attitudes of others that hurt, that is why I love solitude and that is why I take care of it. It has never been easy for me to ignore others, that is why I prefer to exclude myself and shut myself away. In here, in my hiding place, no one touches me, no one reaches me and I don't bother anyone. Sometimes, I would like to stay here forever, just with myself and my imaginary friends; they will never make me feel bad. I don't know how I got here or how I managed not to disappear. I have been hurt by many things, many people, and yet I am still here, what am I looking for? what do I hope for? what do I want? what? "For many, solitude is sad. For me, the world is sad." In solitude you don't have to pretend anything, since you don't have to impress anyone, nor convince or be liked. In solitude you are simply you. Instantaneous, transparent, authentic, sincere and real, while in the world, in front of others, you always have to give in, and this means hiding, covering up, taking care of yourself, and pretending; pretending a lot, pretending just enough to "keep the party in peace". Actually, I don't like being approached by people, not when their intentions are not kind, let alone good. If you're going to approach me, do it with your heart in your hand. If not, don't even dare. And it's not a threat, it's just that… I do feel, I do hurt, I do care.

Para alguien extremadamente sensible es más atrayente la soledad que cualquier cosa, pues en ésta se está a salvo; no hay palabras ni actitudes ajenas que duelan, por eso amo la soledad y por eso la cuido.

Nunca ha sido fácil para mí ignorar a los demás, por eso prefiero excluirme y encerrarme. Aquí dentro, en mi escondite, nadie me toca, nadie me alcanza ni yo incomodo o molesto a nadie. A veces, quisiera quedarme aquí para siempre, solo conmigo y mis amigos imaginarios; estos nunca me harán sentir mal.

No sé cómo es que he llegado hasta aquí ni cómo le he hecho para no desaparecer. Me han dolido muchas cosas, mucha gente y, sin embargo, sigo aquí, ¿qué busco? ¿Qué espero? ¿Qué quiero? ¿Qué?

"Para muchos es triste la soledad. Para mí, es triste el mundo."

En soledad no tienes que aparentar nada, ya que a nadie tienes que impresionar, tampoco convencer o caer bien. En soledad eres, simplemente, tú. Instantáneo, transparente, auténtico, sincero y real, mientras que, en el mundo, frente a los demás, siempre tienes que ceder y esto conlleva ocultarte, cubrirte, cuidarte y fingir, fingir mucho, fingir lo suficiente para "mantener la fiesta en paz".

En realidad, no me gusta que se me acerque la gente, no cuando sus intenciones no son amables ni mucho menos buenas. Si vas a acercarte a mí, hazlo con el corazón en la mano. Si no, mejor ni te atrevas. Y no es amenaza, es que… yo sí siento, a mí sí me duele, a mí sí me importa.

[mazeinthemiroh]

Hey!! Could you do “skz with a music producer s/o” :) ❤️

stray kids with a music producer s/o

genre: general

warnings: none

please like and reblog if you enjoy! feel free to request anything <3

bangchan

it's one of the main things he bonds over with you. chan is the most copyrighted 4th gen idol. he knows how songs work, the ins and outs of producing and he knows how to make a song fantastic. but he's humble, and he recognises that there is still a lot to learn. as his partner, he would be honoured to get to work with you. he calls you the 'dream team' because you work so well together. it helps being so compatible with each other. yall are gonna make sweet, sweet music together.

lee know

he loves the fact that you're a producer. even though your talents are different to his (him specialising more in dance) he wants to learn more about what you do. he sees this as a way to broaden his talents and become familiar with producing. he's tried his hand at producing a couple of times but still isn't quite confident. hey, if you teach him a thing or two about producing songs, he might give you one-on-one dance sessions to help you improve in that area. you both can learn from each other!

changbin

this producing mastermind is thrilled that you're a producer. it's one of the reasons why he is so attracted to you. you're both one and the same. you share the same talents and therefore it's easy for you to get on the each other's wavelength. changbin is fascinated by your production process and wants to know how you go about creating new songs, knowing that your approach to things might be different to his. he wants to learn from you and give you help. he feels you can both help each other and strengthen one another's talents.

hyunjin

hyunjin loves the idea of collaborating with you. you already understand him as his partner. when he speculates on the idea of you producing a song for him or with his vibe, you are on it. he ends up co-producing a song that he can dance to with his style. both of you have singing parts in it too. it's sensual and sophisticated and soothing, just like hyunjin. you think it's perfect, the best piece of work you've ever produced yet. it certainly helps when you have a beautiful muse.

han

he wants to co-produce with you so badly. it's an obsession. it's a want. it's a need. he stays up all night with you, days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months. your producing songs together into the early hours of the morning. it's therapeutic for you both. it's kind of odd, the way it relaxes and refreshes the bond you have with each other, working tirelessly to produce perfection. whether it's the laughter in between ideas or the cold noodles eaten in the early hours of the morning, han is living his best life.

felix

he admires you a lot and loves watching you work. will hang out in your studio (if you let him, of course) and literally just sit and watch you do your thing. he won't distract you or anything, he just loves observing you perfect your art, just like you do when you watch him at dance practice. he appreciates you being there on the sidelines even when he hasn't asked you. he loves it just as much as you appreciate his support when you're working tirelessly to make a track flawless.

seungmin

he loves the fact that you have music in common. that's a massive thing for him; having a shared interest in general helps bring you close together anyway. but music is something special, and it's a pivotal part of both of your careers. really admires your work and gets excited when he has the opportunity to work with you. with your perfectly crafted songs paired with his beautiful and angelic voice, there's nothing stopping you guys from taking off the music industry altogether.

jeongin

similar to seungmin, jeongin loves the fact that you are a producer. not only does he admire you so much, but also you're able to help him with his own musical projects. he's made it a goal to start developing his skills and producing more of his own work. having you to help him through that whole process has given him a lot of confidence. thanks to your support, he feels more open to doing solo work and working on his career as an individual, as well as contributing more as a member of stray kids.

[duckit7]

Duck it... I’ll make a Masterlist

Yo my fine feathered friends. I decided to try to put together a masterlist so its easier for peeps to check out my stuff. Don’t worry, tumblr will still be the first place all my new stuff goes up on, but AO3 makes it easier for me to put it together in one place. 

For those of you that don’t know me, I am a part time g/t writer. You can call me Duck, Ducker, Mother Ducker, or really whatever you would like. 

Fair warning my main thing is Giant girls and tiny guys. Definitely not closed off to other possibilities and I might branch out in the future, but that’s what you can expect from most of my writings for now. I like the fluff, angst and sass, but also like a fair amount of kindness shown between giants and tinies. (I’d like to say I’m a positive vibes person) Just a heads up some of my stories have violence and most have profanity.

-------

Online Dating Can Be Hard.

Meeting a possible romantic interest is never easy. Doing it online can be even harder. Especially if you don’t read the fine print and end up with a little or big surprise... This is the story of Cam and Kate.

Will they be able to build and maintain a friendship? Will it evolve into something more? Or will past trauma and their differences be too vast to overcome...

The world is based on the idea that there is the human race and the parvus race. Parvuses are just humans, but a lot smaller. I’ve made another post on parvuses, but the big overall idea is that they are “equal” to their human counterparts, but are still struggling with fair treatment at times. If anyone else wants to use the parvus universe or a similar idea for their stories go for it! 

(This one is my main story right now and probably gets updated the most. Plus it seems to be the people’s favorite.)

--------

The Protector

The sacred alliance between humans and giants is held together by the bond the human king or queen holds with their giant protector. When the protector ritual goes wrong the prince ends up with a giant way more terrifying than he intended. Will they be able to over come their fears and differences? Will people accept the giantess? And will she be able to help with the approaching dark days?

(I have the skeleton for this one basically done. Its the fleshing out that takes some time. There might be some rewrites as the story proceeds so please be patient with me.)

---------

In A Dire Situation

Hans's family is threatened by the wolf mob running town. Will he be able to convince his childhood friend to help him?

This one has the characters as animals because I like to switch up the medium through which that g/t good good is passed. 

(This is similar to The Protector and gets updated on occasion. Its not the favorite amongst the crowds based on feed back but I still like it and want to keep it going.)

---------

Born Small

Based off the George Shrinks TV show. That’s what first got me into G/t as a kid. Its not a fan fav with the tumbr community so I don’t really post the updates here, but if you want to check it out the link is above. 

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Zombie Girl

Steve Rogers x Reader, Halloween AU

Warning: cursing

A/N: This is an art swap for @gaphra��

Summary: Steve goes to a Halloween party & meets a zombie girl.

The streets were lined with trick or treaters; kids with their parents, teenagers with friends and young adults half-assed dressed up in costumes, no doubt on their way to a party. He felt a little judgmental considering he was in fact doing the same- including the half-assed costume. His friends Natasha and Bucky were throwing a Halloween party at their new place and insisted that he come dressed up. Not one to really dress up, he usually spent Halloween on the couch watching episodes of the Twilight zone. He went to all the specialty stores around the city. With no luck, he searched in his closet and came up with the perfect costume - Mr. Rogers. It was easy, some nice pair of khakis and an oversized comfy green sweater. Admittedly, he looked like a father of two but at least he had a costume on. 

When he got to the correct street, it didn’t take long to find out which house belonged to his pals; music was blaring from an open window and the front door was slightly ajar. Walking up the stoop, he let himself in and noticed right away how crowded the place was. He didn’t even realize Bucky and Nat knew this many people but he saw a few familiar places from the office. Immediately, Steve ventured over to say hello, greeting a few friends before finally running into Bucky. His best friend was dressed like Westley from Princess Bride, all smiles as he hugged Steve, asking him where his costume was.

“I’m wearing it, I’m Mr. Rogers,” he explained much to his friend’s dismay. 

“At least you tried.”

Steve laughed at Bucky’s blatant disapproval and asked if he could get a beer. The two men made their way to the back of the kitchen, Steve immediately noticed the blond at the kitchen island refilling a bowl of chips. It seemed the his friends had opted for a couple’s costume because Natasha was dressed as Buttercup - long wing and all. She smiled at first but once she was able to get a good look at Steve, her face fell. 

“It’s a costume party, Steven.”

“He’s Mr. Rogers,” Bucky rolled his eyes and made his way to his girlfriend, kissing her on the head before taking over chip duty. “Where’s Y/N? I wanna introduce Steve to her.”

Steve inhaled deeply and tried to manage a smile - yet another woman Bucky wanted him to meet, he knew it was coming from a place of love but he was getting tired of it. None of the women he met so far clicked with him; they were all lovely but there wasn’t a spark. Call him old fashioned but there was something about having a connection that attracted him the most. 

“Last time I saw her, she was scaring children in the back alley with Clint,” she grinned, pointing to a bowl of candy near the chips. “I think they need a refill, been out there most of the night.”

This made Steve laugh, feeling a little intrigued he followed Bucky through the house out to the backyard. The backyard had a back fence that led to the alley, where a handful of trick or treaters were passing by. Steve walked with the bowl of candy next to Bucky, the fence was open and Clint leaned up against it. 

“Barton, yo guys done scaring kids?”

Clint, who Steve knew through Nat, looked up and grinned. “I’m not doing any of the scaring.”

Steve and Clint, who was dressed up as Han Solo, greeted each other with pats on the shoulder. “Nat said you might need more candy.”

“Oh, good. I’ve been giving too much away,” Clint admitted, nodding over to his left. Steve peeked out passed the gate and saw a shadowy figure hunched behind Bucky’s car in the back driveway. “She’s really enjoying the whole scaring bit, I’m surprised you haven’t heard the screams from the house.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, trying to get a look at the figure but a group of trick or treaters came marching down the alley and Clint straightened up and laughed. “Watch this shit.”

Bucky leaned forward to get a look as the group came closer to the car, the three men attempted to look nonchalant as the group approached the house. All three of them  waited in anticipation, closer and closer the group got and when they were right in front of the car, the figure stepped out and shouted. The kids screamed and raced forward as their parents laughed, shouting for them to slow down. Steve immediately stepped forward and beckoned them over to get candy; the children were breathless but most were laughing as they thanked him for the treat. 

He wished them a goodnight, nodding to their parents as the notorious tricker showed their face. You rushed over to the three men, Steve could see why the kids were scared. You were dressed in a pink pj set with a dirty robe and white bunny slippers; you were carrying a stuffed bear, a blond wig on top of your head and the most detailed and terrifying zombie makeup around your mouth. Under the moonlight, it looked like your skin was ripped from your mouth area and the smile on your face made it more unsettling.

“I think I need a beer,” you declared, plucking a candy from the bowl Steve was holding. 

“So you’re done terrorizing the children for the night?”

You glanced over at Bucky as you popped the bite size candy in your mouth and shrugged. “For now, my vocal chords need a break.”

“For what it’s worth, you do look pretty scary,” Steve insisted. Turning your attention to him, you eyed his costume and frowned a little. Sensing your confusion, he scratched the back of his head and explained who he was. “Well, I guess I’d be the other Mr., Rogers.”

Your brows furrowed and Bucky laughed. “Sorry, Steve this is Y/N, Y/N’s known Nat since childhood.”

Steve held out his hand and you took it, giving it a rough shake. “Steve Rogers? I guess I can understand the costume now.”

He smiled. “And you’re a zombie.”

“I’m the zombie child from Walking Dead, first episode.”

“That's oddly specific,” he teased and you grinned, watching as Bucky whistled for Clint to follow him back to the house. Steve glanced as the pair started to walk away but turned back to you.

“Well, it would make sense if I had someone dressed as Rick Grimes with me but we can’t always get what we want,” you shrugged, snatching another candy from the bowl. “It’s still better than coming to a Halloween party dressed like the nicest guy to ever exist. No offense, of course.”

Steve blushed, eyes trying their best to not look away. It was odd because even underneath the zombie make up and bloodied clothes, he could see your smile and the relaxation in your eyes. He held out the bowl and offered you more candy, but when you reached for it, he quickly snatched it away. “You know what you have to say.”

Your eyes narrowed but your mouth turned up a wide smile, rolling your eyes in false annoyance you shouted, “Trick or treat!”

Voice booming loud, Steve couldn’t help but laugh and offer up the entire bowl. “I think you deserve it.”

Grabbing it, you started to walk off towards the house, grinning to yourself when you heard Steve shuffling behind to catch up. He quickly caught up to you and asked if you wanted a beer. “I hardly know anyone in there…”

“You know me now.”

Walking up the steps back to the house, Steve opened the door for you but you stopped and gave him a once over. His blue eyes stared back, anticipating what you were going to say next; feeling his heart beating a little faster than usual. Huh, he thought to himself as you smiled at him, I never thought I’d have chemistry with a zombie girl. 

“You know, you’d make a great Rick Grimes,” you said as you walked past him back into the house. “Just saying…”

Unable to control the muscles on his face, Steve looked down to the floor and smiled before looking back up to where you stood, waiting for him. He had to admit, you looked terrifyingly cute in your costume and while he was curious to see how you looked without the makeup, the connection he felt with you was enough. Even if it was merely a ten minute interaction, he felt a spark - something he hadn’t felt with another person in a long time, and he was not going to miss out. “You think so?” 

Nodding, you asked him about the beer. “We can drink in the corner and judge everyone’s costume, someone has to have a lamer costume than you.”

Laughing, Steve gave you a smile that had your zombie heart beating again. “Sounds great.”

[spanishskulduggery]

What can I do when talking to someone who uses Spanglish and doesn't understand the proper Spanish vocabulary I'm trying to use? Ex. "Tocar" instead of "puchar/pushar"

So I don’t think I’ll be much help with this ask because it really depends on the person and where you are. But I’ll try and give some helpful tips.

The trick to Spanglish is you often have a word in English and you try to make it Spanish, or you just dip into English for a little bit.

Sort of like saying likear for “to like”

But a lot of the time the Spanglish in my life comes from saying the word in English with a Spanish accent, sort of like el panqueque for “pancake”

My approach to Spanglish has always been do it all in Spanish except for when you stumble upon a word you don’t know or remember, make it Spanish-y sounding, and then there you go.

You kind of let go of the things that you’ve learned and just hope for understanding. It’s weird and I don’t recommend it unless the other person can also speak English, but I also live on the internet so...

Things I may or may not have said in real life:

El doctor me dijo no debo estresarme pero tengo mil cosas que hacer y no hay relax. Entiendo el aviso pero ¿cómo no voy a estresarme? Tengo que trabajar. Pues guess I’ll die. 

Tenemos una fiesta en la oficina y quieren que traiga el postre yo. No me han dicho qué tipo de postre quieren así que van a comer donuts o un cheesecake o algún tipo de tarta francesa no-sé-qué. Y si no les guste, pues too bad.

Quería ir al concierto pero no hay tickets, todo sold out de inmediato. Es decepcionante pero no es tan malo quedarme en casa con mi dinero tampoco.

Where this goes wrong is when there’s a verb or something that’s regional and I don’t know what it is. Nouns are usually easy as long as it’s not too particular or obscure. I’d recommend checking out something like Nailed It the Mexican version because you’ll see some Spanglish and it feels right

I would also just like to say that tocar to me is “to touch” or “to play (an instrument)”. The word I use for “to push” is empujar 

[juminsmysticmc]

I know the request box are closed but I didn't want to forget this hc ..& I rly I just thought of hc what if the s/o from rfa had a fight with mc and due to the spark of the mc got out & drank her sadness away and then the bar owner toke her phone to call their s/o but when they reach the bar to pick up mc she refuses to go with them since she didn't recognise them and start to trash them while praising their s/o and due to that mc wake up in the next morning already made up with each other...

Mc gets drunk after a discussion and says nice things about them when they try to pick her up, mistaking them for a stranger

Hii! So I know that you told me to please delete the ask but something you must know about me is that I always go against the words of older and that I couldn’t delete this nice request so, I hope you can forgive me! Enjoy! 

Jumin

,,I know that you have a lot to do, and I’m not complaining because I feel lonely, but I’m worried for your health for God’s sake!’’ you whined.

Jumin just watched you.

,,You keep getting to work early and then come back late in the night and you never eat! Your sleep schedule is a mess, Jumin!’’

,,Maybe you don’t know what it feels like because you don’t work, but I have a lot of responsibility,’’ Jumin talked back.

You looked at him and you thought you didn’t hear him well. Did he just say that you don’t work?

,,Ah, so the work I do for the RFA is a game? The work I accomplish twice a week with Jaehee is a game too?’’ you asked him, chuckling nervously as he ignored your words.

,,Go to hell,’’ you snapped and took your jacket, running outside.

You just walked away as quickly as you could. You didn’t care that it was in the middle of the night and that it was cold.

Half an hour later, you arrived at a bar and sat down, ordering the strongest drink the barkeeper had.

,,Aish...So dizzy...oi, more!’’ you mumbled and put up your glass.

,,Miss, you should stop…’’ the keeper whined, feeling bad for you.

,,My husband-’’ you began to whimper but stopped, looking angrily at the keeper.

,,I’m still thirsty!’’ you whined.

The barkeeper decided to act on his own, taking your phone out of your pocket and calling a number.

,,Mc, where are you? I’m worried and I’m sorry, let’s talk-’’

,,Sorry, Mister, are you perhaps the husband of the owner?’’ the barkeeper asked Jumin, watching you while he talked to Jumin.

A bit later Jumin arrived, followed by his bodyguards.

He first thanked the barkeeper and then took off his jacket, ready to give it to you to make sure that you stayed warm.

He then tried to take you out, but you began to go against him.

,,Let go of me, idiot!’’ you moaned, pushing him away.

Jumin didn’t even move one millimeter.

,,Don’t you know who I am?’’ you asked him angrily.

Jumin chuckled. 

,,No, who are you?’’ he teased you.

,,The wife of a handsome CEO! Jumin Han! He won’t listen to me, but he’s amazing! While you’re here he’s working to make sure that in the future, me and his family will be alright…’’ you mumbled, looking at him now.

,,He is so cute and handsome...I miss him...I miss his warmth...But I still won’t go with you!’’ you hissed, but then fell asleep on his chest.

,,I won’t make you miss me again, Mc. I’m sorry, my love…’’ he whispered and kissed your front, finally carrying you out like a princess.

Zen

,,I SWEAR! WHY DON’T YOU TRUST ME?!’’ Zen yelled at you.

Tears were already flowing out.

,,I trust you, but I don’t trust other women!’’ you yelled back.

The both of you just argued because you had the feeling that he was being way too touchy with a woman.

Zen shook his head, making you feel hilarious.

You glared at him and suddenly got up, running out of the apartment.

Zen just watched you go and as soon as you were outside, he let his body fall down on the ground, trying to stop his heart from beating crazily.

,,Again...today I just can’t get drunk…’’ you whined, taking a shot of your favorite drink again.

The barkeeper looked at you. He felt bad for you, but nothing could stop you now and he knew it.

He decided to go out for a moment to call Zen and advise him that you, his girlfriend, were currently in the bar, since he knew the both of you already.

Almost an hour later, Zen arrived breathless.

He looked around. The lights were darker than usual and the bar was pretty empty for a Saturday night, but he still managed to oversee you no matter how many times he looked around.

Panic grew and his heart was beating crazily.

Did the barkeeper send you out like that? 

Did something happen to you? Were you perhaps in danger?

Zen already went through a lot of scenarios until he finally saw the man in a black suit waving.

He quickly approached him and saw that your head was lying on the table.

You reeked. You had drank too much and he knew it.

He softly touched your shoulder, trying to wake you up.

,,Let go, idiot...I’m waiting for my boyfriend,’’ you hissed.

,,I am your boyfriend,’’ he said clearly.

You looked up, your eyes were red and swollen from the tears.

,,Not true, my boyfriend looks better...he’s nice...it’s me who isn’t good enough…’’ you hiccuped, making Zen feel bad right away.

Zen tried to stroke your shoulder, but you quickly pushed him away.

,,Don’t. My handsome boyfriend will get sad...if he still wants me...apparently I’m not even good enough…’’ you whined.

,,Why are you thinking that?’’ he asked you, curious for your answer.

,,He won’t even ask me to marry him.’’ you began to sobb suddenly and got up. 

,,Go away, I will walk back to my boyfriend…’’ you moaned and then stumbled in his arms, fainting from the alcohol.

Zen thanked the man and paid your bill, shocked at the amount you drank.

He was indecisive since he wasn’t sure whether he should bring you to a hospital, but decided to let you rest at home.

The next day you had a terrible headache, but at least you found a question in your soup.

With noodles, Zen asked you if you would forgive him and instead marry him, making you tear up in happiness.

Yoosung

Tears kept flowing as Yoosung didn’t even look at you.

Both of you were already married for so long, but there were still times when both of you would do nothing but argue.

It was again a time where neither one seemed to understand the other.

The silence between the both of you was just too much for you to bear and so you left the place you called home.

You walked as quickly as you could with your white shoes.

It was already pretty late and usually you would be scared to be on your own, but the hate and disappointment you felt right now gave you the strength to walk.

Suddenly, cold drops hit you.

You looked up as the cold rain came down quicker, falling onto your face and mixing with your salty tears.

The only thing that showed other people you were crying was your loud sobs which echoed through the empty streets.

Your feet stopped walking forward and instead your eyes met a bar.

Warm air hit you and the smell of alcohol made you unsure if this place was something for you.

However, you still dared to sit down and put your phone on the table.

The bartender looked at you, waiting for your order.

Your lips moved on their own as you read out the various drinks.

,,Such an ass…“ you mumbled in a drunken state.

Neither you nor the bartender by now knew how many drinks you’d had.

All he knew for sure was that you were totally drunk and that someone tried to call you for a long long time.

At some point he simply picked up.

,,Hello?“ he asked, observing you.

Yoosung on the other side stayed silent.

,,Hello? Do you know the owner? Answer, please,“ the bartender almost begged.

,,Y-yes!“ Yoosung responded, panicking.

Why would a stranger pick up?

,,The lady is currently drunk. Please pick her up or else I have to notify the police,“ the barkeeper said.

,,No! No no no, I will come in a few seconds! Please tell me the adress!“ Yoosung begged.

The bartender asked for your personal dates like the color of the shirt you were wearing to make sure, that Yoosung wasn’t dangerous and then said where you were staying.

Indeed, the blond haired boy barged in, approaching you immediately.

You, however, had other plans when he begged you to come along.

,,I will call my husband!“ you yelled.

,,I am your husband!“ Yoosung desperately answered.

You looked at him. Your eyes scanned him, but you still shook your head.

,,Yoosung is higher and looks better. Besides, you mister, look so rude and not kind at all, but if you would know my husband you would notice how different you are!

I just love him soooo much...I could never like you!’’ you blabbered and then smiled.

Yoosung blushed at your words and then sat beside you, listening to your words until you finally fell asleep and he could carry you without any problems.

The next morning you had a bad headache. You felt sick but someone stayed by your side and stroked your hand and then handed you a bottle of water.

,,I will give you a light soup. Take it easy...I’m sorry for yesterday. Can we make up?’’ he asked you sweetly and gave you a kiss on your nose as soon as he saw you nod.

Jaehee

Since a few weeks ago, the both of you had problems.

Not only financially, but also mentally.

Both of you wanted to adopt a child, but something didn’t work out and you lost the adoption.

When you wanted to get pregnant, both of you agreed that you would be the one carrying the baby, but then something didn’t work out and you two thought that God wanted to punish you, making it impossible to become a family.

You were so frustrated that you even thought about giving up.

Jaehee asked you to do a diet in order to make it possible for you to become pregnant, but suddenly you felt as if you were too stressed out.

The diet was a fiasco and you quickly fell into your old habits like drinking soft drinks and eating way too many unhealthy snacks.

That’s how your fight started.

,,You don’t want a family at all, huh?’’ she mocked.

,,Jaehee, are you kidding me? Every method we’ve tried was done with my body, not yours, MINE!’’ you snapped, raising your voice.

,,You are the one who’s not doing anything! YOU!’’ you ended your speech, running out of the place.

She didn’t even call my name, you thought as your legs moved on their own.

You hid yourself in the first bar you saw, drinking your sorrows away with alcohol.

You didn’t mind anymore.

,,Yaiaiaia….’’ you blubbered as you ordered another drink, not understanding anything anymore.

You felt dizzy and you knew something was wrong, but you didn’t know how to prevent it.

,,Yes, she’s still here...she drank a lot...yes, please pick her up,’’ you heard.

,,Are ya tryna to kidnap me?’’ you asked, but fainted.

Shortly afterwards, you felt someone tapping your arm.

,,Go away, kidnapper! I won’t follow you!’’ you screamed, trying to get away.

,,What are you even saying?!’’ the voice hissed.

,,I will never go with you,’’ you began ,,Jaehee is my only love for now and forever! Take a good example! She looks good, unlike you! And she’s giving her best at everything!’’ you said, raising your finger.

,,At everything? Are you sure?’’ the voice asked you.

You just nodded ,,Like always, unlike you…’’

Afterwards, everything turned black.

Bright sunshine fell on your face, making you notice that you were in your cozy bed next to your girlfriend.

,,So, how does it feel to get kidnapped?’’ Jaehee asked you with a smile on her face.

,,Shut up. What are you even talking about?!’’ you hissed, hiding your face.

Jaehee kissed your lips and afterwards mumbled a soft, ,,Sorry’’

Saeyoung

The hot tears just wouldn’t stop flowing down your red cheeks.

Your heart was beating crazily and your throat was sore after you yelled as if the world was going down.

A hot discussion just found its end after you barged out, taking one of his cars and racing away, your vision blurry by the teary eyes.  

It was dangerous as heck, but you didn’t mind anymore.

Saeyoung and you were at the end of your nerves.

The wedding and the personal problems, as well as Rika, was hitting both of you.

Not to forget that Saeran was living with the both of you too.

,,Next one!’’ you yelled, pushing your glass forward and waiting for the next filling.

The ice in your drink didn’t even have the chance to melt since you were drinking them as if it was water.

One hot drink after another, one by one down your throat, enjoying the hot and almost firey feeling.

,,Miss, shouldn’t you stop now?’’ the bartender asked you, drying a glass and observing you.

,,Are you in a relationship…?’’ you asked him.

,,No, miss, I’m not,’’ he responded.

You looked up at him and tried to read his name ,,Hyu...Hay...H..? Whatever. I will call you Hyung,’’ you paused ,,Hyung, don’t get yourself a girlfriend or a boyfriend,’’ you began.

,,A lot of problems and hardships and everything which is left afterwards isn’t even love!’’ you mumbled the advice and slowly closed your eyes.

,,Thank you,’’ you heard and then were lifted up.

You immediately tried to fight against the person who was carrying you.

,,Let me down you ugly idiot! If my fiancé would see you, he would fight you immediately!’’ you shrieked.

,,Ah, yes. Is that so?’’ he asked you with an amused voice.

You nodded. 

,,He’s handsome and intelligent...hard working and kind...nothing like you, weak ass!’’ you hissed again and then slapped your hands in front of your mouth.

,,Sick!’’ you yelled out and -

The next morning you woke up, Saeyoung’s eyes were red and you wondered why.

,,I’m sorry…’’ he mumbled and kissed you.

,,I’ll do my best to never make you angry again…’’ he mumbled, stroking your head.

,,Why the sudden change of heart?’’ you asked him, smiling.

Saeyoung shed a tear. 

,,Your words...and my car…’’ he explained.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

15.01.2020//23:03 MEST

Tagged: @foreversunshine-love @giulia2372 @sailormoonrocks666 @widya345​ @remiliadacalde @r-f-a-journalists​

[uijaejin-blog]

hello! it’s han and yo boiii -- the resident magician -- jaejin! here are jinjin’s pages: profile, bio, powers, plots (will edit a link to his plot pages once i get them finished)

his pages are relatively short so everything you need is there, but alas, do not worry i shall provide a tldr under the cut as well as a few plots! also if u’d like to plot just give this post a heart and i’ll dive into ur dms!!!! i have discord just ask for my user <3

bio//

bb jaejin was orphaned a few weeks after his birth when his powers started manifesting (things exploding when jaejin cried) and news broke out about the miracle babies possibly being dangerous.

birth mother decides to drop him off at an orphanage -- no note, no name, no anything.

the lady who owned the orphanage took him in and gave him the name jaejin. she was nice and the kids were her priority. life in the orphanage was pretty easy for baby jae except for the random exploding things since that shizz put him in a place where he couldn’t hang around as much with the other kids #lonelyboy.

baby jae was quite the eyecatching little baby, adorable with beautiful eyes that had spots of magenta in them. seeking parents were easily endeared by him and being adopted was a piece of cake.

but the thing is yo boi is a literal baby boomer, so when he would cry or be in stress, things would randomly explode and parents dont want that! so they return the poor baby.

this goes on for years on end and broke jinjin’s wittle heart ;n; , at a young age he started to question himself and feel like there’s something wrong with him.

true enough that usan has made quite the rounds on national tv, but the orphanage lady did not have the heart to give away jaejin. she believes that he needs to experience having a family and that there’s a family out there for him -- jaejin thinks otherwise, no one wants him.

that’s what he thought up until he was 6. yo boi finally gets adopted for the last time!!! WHERE ARE THE PARTY POPPERS??? WHERE IS THE CAKE?!?!?!?! a woman in her early 30s adopts jaejin and is perfect and most loving person he has ever met with 2 other adopted kids. turns out she is an advocate for the oct.1st babies and actually works for usan (then). additionally his adopted siblings turn out to be oct.1st babies too! it was the perfect family and jaejin loves them to the moon and back.

usan becomes his home and yo boi finally has a family :(

sidenotes// just a few things i thought are important to mention

so jaejin’s power is molecular speed manipulation. if you’ve watched og charmed it’s the same with piper halliwell’s. so to simplify he’s basically a remote control lmfao he can pause, fastforward, slowmo molecules with a bonus catch on fire or make things explode button. may it be living or non-living as long as they’re made up of molecules. he’s lowkey pretty much inspired by piper halliwell from charmed and gambit from xmen.

is a big baby -- 6ft tall but still a baby.

loves magic so much that this dork got a whole education at an online magic school to be a magician. i--

has a pet he loves very much his name is joe. ITS HIS LONG ASS METAL STAFF. legit talks to it and pets it, sometimes even sleeps with it. he just wants a dog!!!!! SOMEONE GIVE HIM A DOG PLS I BEG U.

he’s a happy little bean but don’t be fooled he’s really sad on the inside he just doesn’t want to show it because he’s learned that there are fewer accidents that way.

H Y P E R -- questioning it really, if the reason being is all his molecules are sped up.

he’s very into skinship and loves hugs and cuddles -- it makes him feel warm.

does magic professionally -- does shows regularly at a bar and occasionally does street magic when he can. also isn’t afraid to randomly approach usan peeps to do closeup magic. i think it’s his way of saying hello. mayhaps have asked someone in support team who specializes in weapon tech to make him smoke bombs just so he can have a grand entrance and exit.

plots// a collection of connections and plots. these are pretty vague and all i can think of at the top of my head! we can always work on it and tweak it!

a bff he can do all sorts of things with! has been there thru the ups and downs and legit fam to jinjin

other orphan/s he might have met at the orphanage. this might need a bit of more plotting since the orphanage lady doesn’t believe in sending the miracle kids at the orphanage away to usan.

someone he annoys the hell out of because he’s a dork that loves magic and constantly bothers u.

u trip holding food/drinks, fortunately, jaejin is there to pause everything and save u from a nasty accident.

jae’s having a bad day, cue explosion. u see it or hear it and u find a little balled up jae crying.

u love jaejin’s magic tricks so jaejin loves u.

someone who legit doesn’t like him? maybe because they’re jealous of his family? he accidentally did something wrong to you? etc.

u find him talking and petting his metal stick staff -- things get awkward.

go out and grab a snack at the cafe or go out partying ayyyyyyyyeeee caution: u will have an extra clingy jinjin sooooooo.

HAN RIVER PICNIC PLS WITH STAR GAZING!!!!!

karaoke time??? mayhaps???

o also! 2 of jaejin’s adopted siblings a free to rp i just didn’t have the time to apply for a connection thing yet. so if ur looking to just let me know!

THIS GOT LONGER THAN EXPECTED I AM SORRY :( THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TLDR LMAO

[serenlyss]

The Night is the Hardest Time to be Alive (And 4am Knows All my Secrets) Chapter 2

Rating: T for some language and descriptions of violence/death (only in nightmares and memories, no actual death!) Pairings: Ritshou Summary: Ritsu doesn’t sleep much. He knows it probably isn’t healthy, but he avoids sleeping anyway, because if he sleeps for too long he starts to dream, and those nights are seldom pleasant. Luckily, he isn’t the only one with a habit of staying up far too late. Crossposted to AO3

Chapter One / Chapter Three

Eyy it’s chapter 2! This ended up being like uuhh twice as long as the first but I really like how it turned out! Hope you like it too c:

Shou doesn’t sleep much.

It hadn’t always been so hard to fall asleep, but the older he got, the more he found his never-ending train of thought distracting and annoying. His mind wandered when it had nothing to focus on. Sometimes it was about school, sometimes the life events that had brought him to where he was now, lying on his back on a comfortable bed at the rear of his mother’s new house. Other times he would think about pointless things, like the shapes of clouds outside his window or the way his pencil’s eraser left pink shavings on his desk that would linger for days. He never could seem to quiet his mind.

He sighs, his limbs flopping out starfish-style all around him. His blanket is bunched up at the end of the bed, tossed off in his restlessness and energy. His mind wanders to his friends, scattered around the city. What were they doing now? Sleeping, probably, if he had to place a bet. Everyone but Ritsu, who was probably awake right now working on homework or doing something else that was equally nerdy. He cracks a grin at the thought, pushing himself into a sitting position and crossing his legs beneath him. He checks his phone. It’s long past midnight already, but he finds himself jittery and restless nonetheless. He wants to get out of his bedroom, even if he really appreciates his mom letting him use it. He needs to do something productive, before he dies of boredom.

Shou doesn’t sleep much.

He cracks open his bedroom window, letting the cold air wash over him briefly. The sun has long gone down, but the city is alight with street lamps and traffic lights and the occasional glow coming from the bedroom of someone who is similarly still awake. He leans against the windowsill and wonders if visiting Ritsu is a good idea. It had been a few weeks since he’d showed up at the older boy’s window and invited himself inside, and he’s gone back a handful of times. Ritsu had told him to come when he wanted, after all. Still, he tried to ask anyway, just to be sure. It was friendlier than showing up unannounced. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and shoots his friend a quick text.

“You awake?”

He tucks the phone back into the pocket of his jeans for now, and makes himself busy tidying up his bedroom. He only gets the urge every once in a while, but he finds it more and more to be a good way to expend some energy and curb his restlessness a bit. He scoops up his school uniform and hangs it up, setting his shoes by the door for the next morning. Then he slips his school books back into his backpack so he doesn’t have to scramble for them when he has to get up tomorrow, and replaces his pencils and pens into a mason jar he’d snagged to hold them in. His phone buzzes in his pocket a minute later. Shou takes it back out and reads the message that’s popped up on the bright LCD screen.

“I am.”

Shou snorts. No follow-up questions or anything, huh? It was a typically polite answer. “Can I come over?” he types, fingernails occasionally clacking against his phone’s glass screen. He sits down on the edge of his bed, not bothering to get comfortable in case he gets the go-ahead to visit.

He doesn’t wait long before Ritsu’s reply comes: “Sure, just be quiet about it. I don’t want my parents to think someone’s breaking in or anything. I’ll leave the window unlocked.”

A smile breaks out on Shou’s face immediately upon seeing this. To him, it’a sign of trust from someone he hadn’t exactly gotten off on the right foot with, considering how things had gone back at the Claw 7th division headquarters. He slips his phone back into his pocket, striding over to his window and pushing it open. Outside, it’s begun to rain, though it doesn’t really make a difference to him. He clambers up onto the sill and puts up a barrier, letting the light rain outside plink off its shimmering surface and run down its side. Almost as an afterthought, he pulls out his phone once more and shoots his mother a quick message letting her know where he’s going and that he’ll be back in time for school. He knows she doesn’t like the way he tends to leave the house so late at night, despite his reassurances that he can easily (and has easily, in the past) protect himself should the worst come up. Still, he doesn’t want her to worry about him unnecessarily.

With that out of the way, Shou takes a hovering leap out of his window, his powers catching him in the air and propelling him forward in the direction he knew Ritsu’s house laid. All around him, raindrops ricochet off his barrier, keeping him warm and dry inside. He flicks a hand, willing his form and barrier to go invisible. It’s a simple trip that keeps him hidden from prying eyes, even if he doesn’t normally mind if others see him using his powers.

Ritsu lives across the city from him, an easy twenty minute drive by car, but he’s easily able to cross the distance in ten without exerting much energy. The fact that he can easily skip the traffic and float over tall buildings with his ability to fly certainly made things easier in the long run.

Shou slows himself as he approaches the Kageyama’s house, his invisibility dispersing, though he still keeps his barrier up for now. No sense in getting wet when he doesn’t need to be. He circles around to the side of the house where he knows Ritsu’s window faces, and sure enough, the bedroom lights are on. Remembering Ritsu’s assurance that he can just let himself in, he floats down to the seam between the window and the sill and, finding no handhold to grab, decides to go the easy way and slides the window open quietly with his telekinesis. “Yo, Ritsu, thanks for letting me bum at your place for a while,” he says as he climbs inside, finally dropping his barrier. Some water droplets fall onto the carpet, quickly soaking in and turning the fibers dark.

Ritsu’s sitting at his desk, like he usually is when Shou decides to stop by, but this time he doesn’t turn around to greet Shou as he comes inside. Shou blinks, noticing that his friend is actually slumped over the desk’s surface, and doesn’t move even as he approaches him.

Shou peers over Ritsu’s shoulder and sees that the dark-haired boy has passed out, still in his day clothes and with the lights on. His head is resting on his arms, a pencil held loosely in one hand, and his notebook is squished between his cheek and the desk underneath. His bangs fall into his eyes in awkward ways, covering his face, and there’s a bit of drool seeping out of the corner of his mouth. He must have paused to rest and fallen asleep, Shou thinks to himself in amusement.

On instinct, he reaches out and brushes Ritsu’s hair out of his face, observing his expression. He looks incredibly relaxed in his sleep, not a worry or stress line to be seen, unlike how he usually is. He’s almost never like this when Shou’s around him, always deep in his homework or otherwise worrying about something else in his life. His brother, his parents, his studies, his position on his school’s student council. Ritsu has a busy life full of responsibilities to keep up, and it’s easy for Shou to see that they wear him down.

“Guess I should let him rest,” Shou sighs. It won’t be any fun for him, but he doesn’t have the heart to wake his sleeping friend when his regular sleep patterns were… less than desirable. Not that Shou was any better himself, of course. He takes up his usual spot on Ritsu’s bed, perching on the edge and fiddling with his phone for now. If Ritsu didn’t wake up soon, well, he’d take it from there.

A few minutes pass, and Ritsu remains firmly asleep. Shou looks up from the game he’s been tinkering with on his phone, frowning. It probably wasn’t very comfortable to sleep like that, was it? Maybe I should wake him up, he thinks, but he really doesn’t want to interrupt this rare occasion. Or I could just move him myself, I guess, just into bed so he doesn’t get a sore back when he wakes up.

Shou stares at Ritsu as he deliberates the best solution to this perceived predicament, nearly missing the little noise his friend makes. He blinks, seeing Ritsu’s shoulder twitch from where he’s hunched over his homework. Was he waking up? Shou hops to his feet, crossing the distance between them in a few easy steps. Ritsu makes another noise, somewhere between a snore and a whimper, and Shou can see that his calm and serene expression has changed. His eyebrows are furrowed together, lines forming between them, and he’s clenching his teeth subconsciously. His hand twitches occasionally, and the pencil falls out of his grasp with a dull clatter. His breathing is sped up from the gentle breaths he’d been letting out before, coming in breathy, uneven gasps at times.

Shou’s frown deepens. Is he dreaming? he wonders, one hand hovering over Ritsu’s shoulder as if to wake him. Whatever’s going on, it doesn’t look pleasant for Ritsu. Swallowing, he grasps his friend by the shoulder and gives him a gentle shake. “Hey,” he murmurs, not too loudly. He doesn’t want to surprise him. “Wake up, dude, you’re acting weird.”

The twitching stops, and with a startled gasp Ritsu jolts awake. His body tenses in response to being touched, one hand clenching into a tight fist on instinct. Half a second later, he relaxes some, his fingers uncurling from their fist as he lifts his head and scrubs at his face with his hands. “Ugh, I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep,” he says, voice heavy with fatigue and regret. He looks miserable. “How long was I out?”

“Er, I dunno. It’s been, like, ten minutes since I showed up,” Shou answers, brow furrowing in concern. Despite having just gotten some kind of rest, Ritsu looks even worse than usual. He tends to appear pretty tired whenever Shou comes over, which only makes sense considering that they only ever really see each other at night. Now, though, there are pronounced dark circles under his eyes and a misery to his face that speaks of something a bit more telling than just a lack of sleep. “Are you okay, man? You look terrible. No offence.”

Ritsu shoots him a dirty look for that one that he probably deserves, but Shou can’t bring himself to care or even derive the usual joy he gets out of annoying his friend. Instead he’s just worried.

Ritsu seems to pick up on this as well, the barest hints of surprise on his face, and he quickly looks away. He moves a hand up to fix his bangs, running his fingers through the dark strands. “I’m fine, just tired,” he says, fiddling with his open notebook in a not-very-convincing manner. He moves to replace his pencil in a case at the edge of his desk, and ends up knocking it over instead, sending his school supplies raining to the floor with a crash. “Shit,” he curses under his breath, leaning over to clean up his mess.

On any other day Shou would have been delighted to hear the typically uptight Ritsu swear, but it just feels wrong at this point. He silently leans over to help him collect his scattered pencils and pens, handing them over once they’ve all been cleaned up. “You sure you’re alright? When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?” Shou asks, noting the way Ritsu’s eyelids keep drooping despite his best attempts to keep them open.

Ritsu doesn’t answer right away, which is all Shou really needs. He sighs softly, straightening up and placing his hands on his hips. “You should rest,” he states matter-of-factly, earning another glare from Ritsu.

“Thanks, dad,” he replies sarcastically, replacing his pencil case on his desk, “but I can take care of myself just fine. I don’t have time to sleep.”

“Then make time,” Shou insists, reaching out to grab Ritsu by the wrist before he can go back to his homework. There was no way he hadn’t already finished it, with his work ethic. At this point, it’s becoming more and more obvious to Shou that Ritsu is buying time. He just can't figure out what for. He clenches his teeth and squeezes Ritsu’s wrist. “You’re basically sleep-walking, dude. You can hardly keep your eyes open.”

Ritsu turns on him faster than he expects, tearing his hand from Shou’s grasp and holding it against his chest almost protectively. “You’re one to talk!” he snaps, his biting gaze making Shou recoil, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth, it’s clear that he regrets them. He takes a step back, mouth opening and closing wordlessly.

Shou bites the inside of his cheek to avoid arguing back. “I’m gonna choose not to take that to heart, ‘cause I know you’re just irritated,” he says, trying his best to keep his hurt feelings out of his voice. Ritsu is right, though, it isn’t like he’s going to bed at a reasonable hour, either. Still, he doesn’t actively avoid sleeping, he just… doesn’t sleep sometimes. He sleeps when he feels  like it, whether that’s at two in the morning or in the middle of his classes. It isn’t healthy by any means, and he knows it, but neither is Ritsu’s stubborn refusal to rest at all.

“I’m sorry,” Ritsu says quietly, meekly. He doesn’t meet Shou’s gaze, his hand moving from where it was previously hovering by his chest to squeeze his opposite arm in a motion of self-comfort. Where Ritsu’s posture was usually rigid and straight, he stands slumped over now, a distinct hunch in his shoulders. It’s as though he doesn’t even have the energy to stand up straight. “I didn’t mean to snap.”

“It’s fine,” Shou brushes off, but he doesn’t really feel like it is. He swallows, one hand rubbing the hem of his sleeve, and he glances at the still-open window. “Maybe I should just-”

He doesn’t have a chance to finish his thought before there’s a knock at the door and a woman’s voice sounds on the other side. “Ritsu? I heard a crash, is everything alright?”

Oh, shit. Shou freezes, deer-in-headlights style, as Ritsu’s mother opens the door and pokes her head inside. He glances at Ritsu, who looks similarly mortified. His eyes have gone wide, all traces of fatigue gone from them at the sudden surprise.

“Mom! Uh, I can explain!” Ritsu says quickly, casting a quick glance at Shou before it moves back to his mom.

Mrs. Kageyama doesn’t seem angry, though, just surprised, as she lays eyes on Shou. Then she turns a stern gaze on her son, stepping fully into the bedroom. “Ritsu! If you were planning on having a friend over to stay the night, you should have told me! I would have gotten out the futons and the extra blankets. Besides, it’s too cramped for you both to sleep in here, why don’t you both move into the guest room for tonight? I’m sure Ritsu wouldn’t mind a futon as well, right dear?”

It takes Ritsu a few seconds to process his mother’s words, obviously just as blown over as Shou is that that was the direction she’d decided to go in. “No, that’s fine,” he says, breathless. “I mean, if that’s okay with Shou.”

Shou jumps at being addressed, snapping out of his frozen state. “Er, I was just here to hang out, I should probably get going, actually,” he replies. His sentence is punctuated by a crash of thunder that makes everyone jump with the loudness of it. When had the storm outside gotten so strong?

“Oh dear, looks like the storm is finally moving in. The news said we’re in for a nasty one,” Mrs. Kageyama laments, walking over to the cracked-open window. “Ritsu, you know better then to leave the window open at night, you’ll get sick!” She slides it firmly shut and locks it, gazing out at the torrent of water outside. Then she turns to Shou, looking apologetic of all things. “We’re under a severe thunderstorm watch for a few hours, I’m afraid. Do you want me to call your parents and have them pick you up? Er, Shou, right?”

Shou winces at the thought of having to bother his mother this late at night. “Ah, it’s okay. My mother doesn’t have a car, and she lives all the way across town. I’ll be fine on my own, though. I’ll just… walk.” He doesn’t mention his ability to fly, or how he can deflect rain with his barriers. Wait, am I strong enough to deflect lightning, too? he wonders, mind going off on a brief tangent. Is it even safe to fly if there’s a potential for him to be struck by lightning? He’s not sure he wants to chance that one.

“You can’t walk in that,” Ritsu sputters, looking at him like he’s grown a second head. “The streets will be flooded in no time.” He relaxes a bit, sighing softly. “You know what, it probably is better if you stay over tonight.”

“Exactly,” Mrs. Kageyama says, and claps her hand with finality. “Don’t worry about a thing, Shou. We’ve got plenty of room, and I’m sure Ritsu can lend you some of his pajamas to borrow. You can use his and Shigeo’s shower if you want to, we’ve got some extra towels. Ritsu, do you have an extra toothbrush lying around? I don’t know if you keep the ones they give you at the dentist or not, but if you do you should let Shou use it.” She continues to ramble off the little things Shou will need if he’s to sleep over, leaving the two middle-schoolers quietly contemplating their fates.

Eventually, Ritsu breaks out into a smile. He relaxes some, his shoulders dropping and a faint, amused expression coming to his face. “Don’t worry about it, mom, I’ll handle it,” he assures her.

Mrs. Kageyama chuckles and reaches out to ruffle her son’s hair, much to Ritsu’s annoyance. “Of course you will, you’re so responsible,” she praises. “You boys go on and get ready for bed, I’ll grab those futons and some spare bedding.”

Shou manages to stammer out a thank-you to Ritsu’s mother as she closes the door behind her and disappears down the hall, leaving Shou and Ritsu alone in the room once more.

Ritsu lets out a long breath, then flashes Shou an apologetic smile. “Well, that went better than expected,” he says, but the awkwardness of their earlier interaction still hangs in the air. “Uh, sorry about her. She’s probably right though, it’s dangerous to go home in a storm like this.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Shou admits begrudgingly, pulling his phone out of his pocket once more. “I’ll drop my mom a text and let her know I’m not gonna be home tonight.”

Ritsu frowns. “Will she be angry?”

“Nah, she knows I can take care of myself. She just likes to know that I’m someplace safe, is all,” Shou replies, tapping out a quick message on his screen. “Besides, I was the one who insisted on coming over, anyway. Not much either of us can do about the bad timing.”

“Ah, okay,” Ritsu says softly, though he still looks somewhat guilty. He moves to his dresser, cracking open one of his drawers and shuffling around its contents. After a moment he levitates a shirt and a pair of pajama pants Shou’s direction, the two pieces of clothing surrounded by his bright blue-and-purple aura. He casts Shou a look, giving him a once-over. “Those should fit, I think. You look like you’re around my size,” he says after a moment.

Shou feels a blush come on for reasons he doesn’t really want to think about right now, letting the clothes fall into his arms. “Thanks,” he says for lack of anything better to say, and shucks off his green and yellow jacket with care.

Ritsu leaves the room to brush his teeth while Shou slips into the borrowed pajamas. It’s weird to be borrowing someone else’s clothes, but Ritsu’s right, they are about the same size, despite the fact that he’s half a year younger than Ritsu is. Huh, maybe Ritsu’s family runs on the small side. He glances at his reflection in Ritsu’s mirror, adjusting the hem of the red-and-white pajama shirt. The set is Christmas themed, for some reason, snowflakes covering the length of the flannel pants he’d put on. He idly wonders if Ritsu wears them often; they didn’t seem like his style.

A minute later Ritsu comes back into the bedroom, holding a toothbrush still sealed in its plastic-and-paper packaging. His own pajamas are blue - Like his aura, Shou thinks - and the front of his shirt reads, “I woke up like this.” He pauses when he sees Shou’s borrowed pajamas, lifting a hand to his mouth. He pretends to cough into it, turning away, but Shou can see his shoulders shaking as he tries to hide his laughter behind an itchy throat.

“O-Oh man, I’d forgotten about those,” Ritsu sputters, and when his hand falls away from his mouth there’s a pleasantly surprised smile on his face. “My mom gave those to me as a Christmas present, but I don’t wear them very often. They suit you.”

Shou smirks, striking a pose. “Hmm, I think you’re right, Ritsu! The snowflakes really give off a dangerous vibe, don’t you think?” he sneers, and adds in a cheeky spin for good measure.

Ritsu doesn’t bother to hide his laughter this time, losing his cool once more in the face of Shou’s antics. “Oh yeah, I bet the rest of the world’ll be shaking in their boots,” he replies. When he’s finally recovered enough to breath normally again without devolving into more giggles, he waves for Shou to follow him. “Come on, I’ll show you where you can get ready for bed and stuff. Mom’s probably gotten the futons out, too, so I guess we can move into the guest room where we’ll be sleeping, too.” He glances away at the mention of eventually sleeping, but Shou can’t tell if it’s intentional or not from where he’s standing.

Instead of asking and potentially provoking another argument, he just nods and follows behind Ritsu, moving a few rooms down. The room between Ritsu’s and the guest room has a sign hanging on it labeled “Shigeo”. Ritsu’s brother’s room, he assumes. Glancing back, he sees that Ritsu’s room has a similar sign on it. “I’ve never seen the rest of your house,” he realizes out loud, turning back to Ritsu. “Huh, I guess I’m only ever here in the middle of the night, aren’t I?”

“Guess we’re both night owls,” Ritsu replies, slipping through the open door to the guest room. As Ritsu had said, two futons were now set up side-by-side on the guest room floor, two pillows and a pile of neatly-folded blankets sitting on top of them.

“Wow, looks comfy!” Shou exclaims as he strides inside behind Ritsu, flopping down on one of the futons. “Mm, I know it’s like two am, but it kinda feels too early to sleep,” he admits, spreading his arms and legs out starfish-style. “This is a sleepover now, after all!”

Ritsu nods his head in agreement, though Shou can see there’s still other reasons for Ritsu to not want to sleep other than just sleepover etiquette. “Hmm, when Shigeo and I would stay up late growing up, we would always play video games,” he replies.

Shou doesn’t know if Ritsu actually wants to play or if he’s just making up more excuses as to why he can’t go to sleep at that moment, but he plays along anyway. Besides, video games did sound like fun, and Ritsu’s fatigue from earlier appears to have gone away, at least for the time being. “Sounds fun!” he says with a grin. “What kinds of games do you have?”

---

Thirty minutes and a lot of fiddling with the television later, they’re both sitting cross-legged on the futons, attempting to keep their voices down as they compete against each other in a fighting game. The volume on the tv is turned down as low as they can get it without being completely unable to hear, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating to Shou when Ritsu beats him for the third match in a row. “Fuck!” he snaps, falling backward onto the futon. “How are you so fucking good at this game?”

Ritsu snorts out a laugh, setting down his controller in front of him. “Lots of practice growing up,” he replies. “My brother’s still better at this game than me, but I always beat him at Mario Kart.” He grins in a self-satisfied way as he brags about this, obviously quite pleased with how the night had gone.

Shou reaches up and rubs at his eyes, which are tired from staring at the bright tv screen and the late hour. “I yield, oh great video game master,” he says melodramatically, the end of his sentence blending into a long yawn.

Ritsu’s smile falters. “Tired?” he guesses.

Shou hums in response, stifling another yawn. “It’s late, and a man can only take so many ass beatings at video games before he has to sleep,” he states matter-of-factly. “Aren’t you tired?”

Ritsu looks away and shrugs. Shou frowns; that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. “I think there’s a pack of cards in my room. Want to play?”

Shou sits up, frown deepening. “It’s, like, three in the morning. We should probably sleep. I get that there’s no school tomorrow and all that, being a weekend, but we don’t need to push ourselves just ‘cause your mom decided I can’t go home in the rain,” he points out. He doesn’t want to push too far and agitate Ritsu again, but the lack of sleep his friend is exhibiting is really starting to gnaw at him in an uncomfortable way. What was it that was keeping Ritsu from sleeping that he couldn’t tell Shou about?

Ritsu looks down at his legs, as though they hold the answer, and after a moment he turns around and starts unfolding a blanket for his futon. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” he murmurs, defeated. “It’s not healthy to go so long without resting.”

Shou tries not to let his relief show too evidently, in case it scares Ritsu out of the tentative truce they’d formed. “Okay,” he says, taking a blanket for himself. He carefully sets up his futon, tucking the blanket all the way around the edge so it doesn’t move when he climbs inside. Ritsu does the same, neither of them talking as they make their beds for the night. As Shou wiggles under the blanket, Ritsu stands up and moves to the wall, flipping off the lights. The room descends into darkness, and Shou struggles to make out Ritsu’s form coming to climb into the futon beside him as his eyes adjust to the dark.

It’s quiet a moment longer, but Shou can still feel the tension in the air, thick enough to make his skin crawl. He says, in a very soft voice, “Are we gonna talk about why you were so worked up earlier?”

Ritsu stiffens at this, his back going rigid. “What about it?”

Really, you’re gonna play dumb? You, of all people? Shou berates in his head, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. He nudges Ritsu with his elbow, causing him to turn his head on his pillow and look at him at last. “About how you never seem to sleep. I’ve been over here a few times, now, and it’s always late at night. I get that you’re a busy guy, but I know you, Ritsu. There’s no way you put your homework off until one in the morning every night. You’re too responsible for that. Today was the first day I’ve seen you sleep since we camped out together after I burned down this house.” Yeah, not his brightest achievement, but it drives his point home well enough, if Ritsu’s flinch is to be believed. Shou swallows back his apprehension. “Look, I just… we’re friends, right?”

Silence sits in their air, and for a moment Shou worries that he’s just royally screwed this over. Then Ritsu utters a quiet, dejected, “Yeah.” He’s staring at the ceiling, features hard to make out in the dark. He refuses to look Shou’s way.

Good. Progress. Shou rolls onto his side to fully face Ritsu. “I’m worried about you. I know I’m not really one to talk, and that my sleep schedule is super fucked up, but I’ve never seen someone go so long on as little sleep as you get, and I can see it’s really messing with your head. It’s not healthy,” he states firmly. “I’m your friend, you can tell me if something’s bothering you, okay?”

“Nothing’s bothering me,” Ritsu says immediately.

Bullshit. Shou clenches his teeth and resists the urge to outright argue. All that would do is make things worse. “Look me in the eye and say it’s nothing, then,” he challenges.

Ritsu’s head turns to the side. He meets his gaze, and is quiet. They stare at each other for a few breaths. Shou tries not to let show how hard his heart is beating. He can’t tell if it’s apprehension, fear, or something else entirely, but he keeps his expression hard as steel. Ritsu opens his mouth. No words come out. He closes his mouth, opens it again. Still nothing. He can’t lie to Shou’s face. Eventually he breaks eye contact altogether, finally beaten down by Shou’s disapproving stare. “I don’t like sleeping,” he says, voice incredibly soft and quiet. It’s been a while since Shou has seen Ritsu this vulnerable.

“Why not?” Shou chances, the stiffness of his expression melting away to let his concern show. “You can tell me, I promise I won’t be mad or weirded out or anything like that.”

Ritsu’s face scrunches up in thought, looking simultaneously perplexed and distraught. He groans softly, raising both hands to scrub at his face as a form of hiding. “Okay, fine, I’ll tell you, just...” he pauses, and with a jolt of shock Shou sees that Ritsu is blushing, his cheeks tinted pink. “Just turn around, okay? I don’t think I can say it to your face. It’s… embarrassing,” he finishes.

Shou blinks. “Uh, kind of a weird ask, but okay,” he says, unsure. Is this some kind of trick? Still, he does as Ritsu asks, turning from one side to his other. Unsure where to look, he fixes his gaze on the wall in front of him, eyes tracing the seam between the wall molding and the carpet.

They both fall silent, but Ritsu’s thoughts are loud. Shou can practically feel him frantically thinking of how to put into words what’s been bothering him for so long. Shou gives him time to organize his thoughts, letting him take things at his own pace. It was only fair after he’d basically forced Ritsu to tell him.

“I wasn’t always so scared of sleeping,” Ritsu finally says after what feels like an eternity of waiting. “I used to go to bed early every night, because I had to get up for student council meetings before school and stuff like that.”

Shou stares at a notch in the wood that runs along the bottom of the wall. Being scared of sleeping is a very different concept than the general displeasure he’d expressed not two minutes ago.

“I didn’t start feeling like this until after everything went down with, um, with your dad,” Ritsu confesses. Shou’s heart feels like it’s going to jump out of his chest at the mention of his father’s attempt at world domination, but he bites his tongue. Ritsu continues, “It was fine at first, when we were making our way over to the tower, but after you left I started… s-started getting really scared.” His voice hitches, a quiver coming to it that Shou isn’t used to hearing from the typically stoic Ritsu.

“I was scared, too,” Shou murmurs, staring resolutely at the wall. Ritsu’s right, this is much easier to admit when he’s not looking right at him.

Ritsu takes a shaky breath. “When I went up against Shimazaki, I thought he was going to kill me. He almost did, actually. I think he would have, if Hanazawa hadn’t shown up when he did. And even then, there was nothing I could do but watch. I thought we were all going to die, up until Reigen and my brother caught up to us.” Shou can hear him stifling his shaky breaths, trying not to break down entirely. “Everything happened so fast, and I was so useless-”

“You weren’t,” Shou interrupts, catching Ritsu before he can spiral down into his regretful thoughts. “You really stuck with me back then, even though none of it had anything to do with you. You risked your life for me and my shitty family.” He swallows thickly, feeling his throat constrict in a familiar way. “But, I know how you feel. I was totally powerless against my old man.”

Ritsu falls silent for a moment, but Shou hears the sound of blankets shifting behind him and feels the touch of hands against his back. He stiffens at the contact, surprised. Ritsu’s fingers curl into the fabric of his pajama shirt, and his forehead presses into the space between his shoulder blades.

Shou’s mouth goes suddenly dry. The way Ritsu is clinging to him is desperate, needy, as though Shou might disappear if he lets go.

“I’m afraid to sleep because when I do, I have terrible nightmares,” he confesses at last. Shou can feel his shuddering breaths against his neck, uneven and interrupted by stifled sobs. “I see horrible things when it happens. Whole cities wiped off the map. My brother’s power overflowing and consuming everything it touches. Sometimes, I even see someone die. A friend, usually.”

The revelation hits Shou like a punch in the gut, driving the air out of his lungs. That was just too awful. If that’s what Ritsu has to deal with every time he tries to sleep, then he could see why he wouldn’t want to sleep at all. He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again. How do you respond to something like that? “I’m sorry,” he manages, the words heavy on his tongue. Logically he knows it isn’t his fault, and that Ritsu would have likely gotten involved without his interference, but he can’t help the guilt that settles in his stomach.

Ritsu shudders through another labored breath. “I-It’s not your fault,” he whispers, if only to reaffirm Shou’s thoughts. “It’s just hard to sleep when every time I do, I see Hanazawa, or my brother, or you, just… not moving. I know in my head that it isn’t real, but it feels like it is.”

Shou sucks in a breath, feeling his heart stutter. “You’ve seen me die?”

Ritsu nods against Shou’s shoulder. “Those are the worst ones,” he admits, voice barely louder than a whisper.

Shou feels like his heart is breaking. Ritsu had warned him to face the wall so he could protect his pride, but it’s impossible for him to just lay there and not do anything when Ritsu is suffering like this. He rolls over carefully, detangling his shirt from Ritsu’s reluctant fingers, and looks at his friend’s face for the first time since he’s started spilling his secrets.

His eyes are puffy and red, and his cheeks are wet from crying. Shou suspects there’s probably a damp spot on the back of his shirt, but that doesn’t matter to him. Ritsu doesn’t look him in the eye, ashamed. He reaches up to rub at one eye with the heel of his hand, sniffing. “I thought if I waited long enough, it would go away, and then I wouldn’t have to tell you, but I’m weak. I can’t even face my own dreams,” he says, and though his tears have stopped and his breathing has calmed somewhat, he’s clearly still shaken.

Shou does the only thing he can think to do for comfort in this situation at half past three in the morning, and pulls Ritsu in for a hug. It’s awkward and not very comfortable, given that they’re both laying on their sides on the floor, but he can’t think of anything else. “My mom does this when I have nightmares about my dad,” he says, swallowing back his own reservations about showing his perceived weaknesses. He holds Ritsu close with one arm, his other hand moving to Ritsu’s hair and slowly, experimentally, threading his fingers into his bangs. He pushes the hair up and away from his face, letting his fingers brush against Ritsu’s scalp like his mother did when she tried to calm him down in times like these. “Just, uh, tell me if it’s too weird.”

Ritsu stiffens, at first, but he doesn't pull away from the contact, and actually chokes out a surprised laugh between still-shaky breaths. “You’re fine,” he replies, and as small and usually meaningless as the words are, they’re still enough to send a shiver up Shou’s spine. Ritsu shifts his head, finding a comfortable space beneath Shou’s chin, and snakes his arm around his friend’s back to tentatively hug him back. Shou’s fingers continue to card rhythmically through Ritsu’s dark hair, the motion oddly comforting for him as well. Ritsu’s hair is thin and fine and surprisingly soft, the long strands falling through his fingers like water, and even Shou finds his eyelids drooping as they both relax into their new positions.

Ritsu’s breathing slows gradually until it’s hardly noticeable at all, and after just a few minutes Shou realizes that he’s fallen asleep, his face hidden in Shou’s neck and shoulder. He feels the telltale burning of a blush on his cheeks, a gentle smile appearing on his face. Finally, he’s resting.

Shou lets out a quiet sigh, letting his eyes fall shut at last. This definitely hadn’t been what he was expecting when he’d come over just a few hours earlier, but somehow it had all ended up alright. He just hopes it lasts through the remaining night. Well, he could deal with that if it came up. For now, he was content to close his eyes and fall into slumber, holding Ritsu close. I’m not going anywhere, so rest easy, okay? he prays, and lets sleep take him.

The clock on the television reads four-fifteen.

Shou falls asleep to the sound of Ritsu’s breathing.

[mrs-han]

Hi! Can I request a fic with an MC who had a slight crush on Jumin before joining the RFA? Not the billionaire playboy the media sold but the Jumin who made this funny cat projects which she always supported, the one who made huge donations to Charities, who had to deal with the press because of his father or some woman wanting his money (for what she felt sorry), who had so interesting ideas about ecology, economy and politics (and who is also drop dead gorgeous) thx! Good luck with the blog!

—

Hi there, anon!! Thank you so much for your wishes! Here ya go~ hope you like this!!

~ ~~ ~

Just A Crush

~ ~~ ~

It was like an unprecedented fairytale, a fairytale you didn’t ask for.

You, the unwitting protagonist, joined a private yet relatively well-known group known for its charitable donations and auctioning of photographs.

Did you ask to be a part of the group? No. You could have incriminated yourself and said you hacked your way into the RFA chatroom, even though you hadn’t hacked a thing in your life. You could have been rude to the people who talked to you; a suspicious business woman, a flirty actor, a perky college student, a reclusive hacker...

And him.

It would have been easiest to be rude to him. He was rude to you first, but no. You just had to be the bigger person.

It took you some time to memorize the other members’ names. But you already knew his.

Jumin Han.

You remembered clearly; before you tumbled into the RFA, escaping him and his influence was near impossible. He was all over the place; magazines, television screens, newspapers, books; you couldn’t escape his gray, lifeless eyes staring at you and millions of other people.

While you didn’t share the hype that surrounded him... you did like him. A little. You may have saved the magazines with his interviews and headshots in your coffee-table drawer, and you may have decided to study business administration because of him.

But being so close to him, closer than even his business partners, made you... feel things. Dangerous things. The spark of admiration you had for him kept growing, with every phone call he made and with every message he sent.

He was... definitely different from how you thought he was. While he kept that adorably stupid poker face on at all times, and while he was certainly one of the most successful men in his field... Jumin Han was a massive dork.

—

He was obsessed with his cat...

—

“MC?” Jumin stood from his desk and moved toward you, “what do you think of these patterns?”

“What are they for?” You set your book down and moved closer to Jumin, a gentle smile on your lips.

“It’s for the current cat project I’m working on,” Jumin smiled. “I’d like to know your opinion.”

He tried to hide his excitement, but you knew how he truly felt. Your smile widened as you closely observed the patterns. “Polka dots or stripes, huh?”

“See,” Jumin eagerly moved closer to you, “I was thinking of placing Elizabeth the Third on a nice, plain backdrop, but that’s just what it is. Plain. Elizabeth the Third deserves better.”

You nodded. “Obviously.”

“Exactly,” the excitement in Jumin’s voice climbed and he sank into the space beside you. “So, I produced these two patterns. If I go with the stripes, it will naturally look classic, and Elizabeth the Third’s beautiful fur will make a perfect contrast to the pattern.”

You frowned. “Mm... the stripes make it look like she’s guarding a cage. Polka dots look playful yet elegant, and that description alone fits Elizabeth the Third more than anything.”

Jumin’s eyes sparkled. “Yes... yes, I like that idea. MC, I truly appreciate your help. Please excuse me.”

—

... and he ranted to you about weird things.

—

“MC, I have a question for you. Do you think lying is bad?”

You set your cup of tea down. “Lying? Well... I mean, it depends on the circumstance.”

“You can agree that you can’t give me a black or white answer about this, am I right?”

You pursed your lips. “It’d be difficult to. Why?”

“I’ll get to that in a minute.” Jumin leaned back and fixed his tie pin. “Say, did you know that Borfes magazine said that I was a good person due to the money I donated last Christmas?”

Your face flushed; of course you knew that. You saved the magazine article. But it wasn’t like he would find out about that, so you feigned your ignorance. “What, really? Jumin, that’s amazing!”

“Yes, it was a huge success for C&R. But, the article insisted I was a good person when really, I’m not.”

You sat up straight. “... What? Where did that come from?”

“Hm. You must have noticed as soon as you heard me say it, but that was a lie. Of course, I’m a great person.”

Your brows furrowed as you processed his words. “What?”

“Okay,” Jumin sat on the edge of his seat, “going back to my original point. It is widely believed that Santa Claus does not give presents to children who are naughty. A lie is considered naughty, therefore a child who lies does not deserve a present from Santa.”

You blinked.

“What will happen to me this Christmas, MC? Am I already on the naughty list for next year because I just lied? Or am I on the naughty list for this year since Christmas is still far ahead of us? Who is this Santa Claus to dictate whether something is good or bad? What if a lie needs to be told to save someone’s life? Christmas is just so irrational. Are all your good deeds canceled if you do something bad?”

“... Jumin, we are in the middle of June. What are you talking about?”

—

The press only managed to show how glamorous he was. But they didn’t show everything.

—

They didn’t show how vulnerable he could be...

—

“Jumin?”

Jumin lifted his head from his hands and quickly adjusted himself as you quietly approached him. “MC, what are you doing? You should be asleep.”

“I couldn’t sleep... hey, is everything all right?”

Jumin adjusted his sleeves and sighed. “No. No, my... my father is truly under Glam Choi’s spell, it seems.”

“Jumin...”

“I’m sorry, MC,” Jumin’s heavy-hearted eyes were a sight you had not seen before, and did not wish to see again. “I shouldn’t be burdening you with anything, you already have a lot to think about.”

“Jumin Han,” you scolded lightly, your hands latched onto his, “talk to me. You’ll feel better, trust me.”

An amused smile tugged at his lips. “MC, you may not get to sleep tonight if I talk to you.”

“It’s okay,” you squeezed his hands, “I want to hear what you’re thinking.”

He pulled your hands close to his chest and, as if they were delicate pieces of silk, he cradled them as he spoke. “My father... how could he behave this way? How could he treat the company this way, and his employees... MC, how could he treat me this way?”

You didn’t say anything. You didn’t know what to say. But you did scoot closer to him, your thumbs running over the back of Jumin’s hands.

“I know I should be used to this. I know I should know how to deal with this, but I don’t. I still don’t.” Jumin’s eyes met yours. “He’s behaving so irrationally... and now he wants to go against my wishes and have me marry a woman I don’t want.”

“Jumin...” you reached over and rubbed his arm. “... you shouldn’t always expect yourself to know what to do. You shouldn’t have to be so guarded all the time... this is very unfair to you.”

“Unfair...” Jumin allowed himself to slouch a little. “... is that what this feeling is? It’s unpleasant... I don’t like it.”

He was like a child discovering new emotions. It was completely unconscious on your part, but you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him in for an awkward hug.

“MC?”

“You deserve so much more than this, Jumin. And I know it may not feel like it right now, but it’s going to be okay,” you whispered. “You shouldn’t hide what you’re feeling, though. It’s not good for you.”

You didn’t know what you were doing. That’s why it surprised you as Jumin wrapped his arms around you, enforcing the awkwardness of the hug.

“It will be okay,” Jumin repeated, his voice reverberated through your body. “With you by my side, I believe that.”

—

... and they didn’t show how open-minded he was.

—

“MC, try this wine. It’s absolutely exquisite.”

The allure the red liquid had as it danced against his lips made you reach over and pour yourself a glass. As soon as you took a sip, your eyes widened.

“Wow... I’ve never had anything so fancy before!”

“Everyone should have access to the best resources,” Jumin swiveled his wine glass, “regardless of wealth or stature.”

“Yeah well...” you set your glass down. “... in an ideal world, that’s how it would be, but it isn’t that simple. Most people have to work harder, and even then, they may never be able to even lay their eyes on this type of wine in their life.”

“I see...” Jumin pursed his lips. “... there are many trials in life that I may never be exposed to. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t learn.”

“That’s very mature of you to say,” you smiled, “not many people in your position really seem to care.”

“It’s easy not to care when you’re blinded by what you have,” Jumin said gently, as if acknowledging himself. “I believe that, the more I’m around you, the more I can learn.”

“What are you saying,” you teased, “are you saying I’m poor, huh?”

“Huh? No, MC, that’s not what I —“

“I’m joking!” You laughed. “Think of it as commoner humor.”

“Common...” he stopped himself and laughed. “... maybe you can teach me more of this type of humor.”

You scoffed and took another sip of wine. “You’re too posh for it, I don’t think you can deal.”

“I know some slang words. Open your ears and listen.” Jumin sat up straight and cleared his throat. “Fetch me dem cookies. The feels train be chugging along. And dem onion ninjas... yo.”

You snorted your wine and coughed. “What...?! What was that, Jumin?!”

“What, did I not use them correctly?” Jumin jumped up and grabbed napkins.

“You’re so cute...!” You took the napkins from him and covered your face. “A for effort! Haha!”

—

It was an unprecedented fairytale. One you knew had to end sometime. Once the party was over, you would return to your life, and Jumin would return to his. Jumin would settle things with his father, meet someone who made his heart race, and he’d marry them.

And you? You’d go back to your apartment, and enroll in classes that were on campus. Maybe you’d reach out to him, just to see how he was doing every now and again. But then life would get busy, and you’d forget to text or call him until the next party came around the following year.

You sat up in Jumin’s king-sized bed and watched him as he snoozed soundly on his couch, his papers scattered around him forming some makeshift blanket.

The feelings you felt... it was better to keep them to yourself.

It was just a crush, after all.

~ ~~ ~

[achromaticstars-archived]

@changeandmovingon x

The young judge had a feeling that Yo Han was going to be late because of the work that often appeared across their desks, he tried his best to help him though. It was the reason why he often appeared in that large office, it was the reason why he sometimes he took half of that workload to give Yo Han a little bit of a breather. It wasn’t easy being a judge, something that Ga On knew well because of the hours that would be spent sitting at a desk reviewing those cases that decided to fall in their laps. Today ended up being his day off though while he couldn’t help, but check on Yo Han throughout the day knowing that he most likely was dealing with a busy day. He wanted to make sure that he took care of himself, that he actually sat down and ate the lunch that was waiting for him in the fridge this morning.

This home, this family was something that Kim Ga On didn’t think that he actually would have had the chance to gain especially after the loss of his parents. It was true that he did have the professor and Soo Hyun, but it was different when it came to the Kangs and nanny. He had gained something that he was something, something that Ga On was lacking in.

He had gained a family. He had gained a lover.

He had been able to worm his way into the Kang household while the man seemed to be hesitate when it came to him, at first. He got through the walls that Yo Han held up, he was able to bring them crashing down even if it was piece by piece. He never thought that he would get through to Kang Yo Han though, to get to know the real him. He didn’t hesitate to approach him, he was determined to get through to him even if it was going to be difficult. Ga On was the type of person who quite easily spoke his mind depending on the situation even if he had the face of someone that was once familiar to Yo Han. He couldn’t help, but voice any concerns that the young judge might have.

Those arguments often happened behind closed doors whether it be at the office or where Elijah couldn’t hear what was being said between the two of them. He just wanted answers, nothing more. He didn’t expect feelings to emerge though, feelings that Ga On was unable to ignore. He didn’t want to ignore them.

A home-cooked meal was waiting for Yo Han, food that was tucked away safely in the fridge for him to eat when he arrived home. Food that Elijah didn’t hesitate to eat, they enjoyed his cooking which was a relief on his part especially with Yo Han’s hesitation. Sleep wasn’t going to come that easily though, not until he knew that Yo Han was safe and finally home especially after the last time that he didn’t return home. That had been a worrying time. Something that Ga On really didn’t want to experience again, but they still had to be careful because of those greedy faces that surrounded them. Greed that wasn’t going to disappear anytime soon.

It was those echoing footsteps that told him that Kang Yo Han had returned home, he was relieved that the chief judge was finally home. He didn’t have to sit here in bed worrying about him as that book rested between his fingers. He decided to go check on him figuring that he was on his office once again to work on anything that he was determined to finish. He should be resting instead. Fingers grasped at the door before peeking inside to see him sitting in that leather chair, a small sigh escaped from him seeing the familiar sign of a lingering headache. It was the reason why those fingers gently slipped underneath that plaid-colored robe, maybe his touch was just what Yo Han needed.

A gentle smile graced his lips while it seemed that Yo Han obviously wanted him here, there was a feeling of want and need lingering between the two. It was just them, this moment was just between them behind that door he made sure to close behind him. That moonlight being the only source that lingered above their heads. Fingers gently moved across his chest, the tease came with it at that slow pace starting at his collarbone before moving further down to those abs which have rested underneath his fingers before.

Fingers that could feel Yo Han starting to relax, he was leaning into that touch which he obviously was unable to ignore. Ga On didn’t hesitate to help him, he wanted nothing more, but to help him because of the bond that lingered between the two. It was that hand which suddenly pulled him into that awaiting lap, those warm lips that rested against his. A kiss that he did not ignore, a kiss which he was willing to return.

[stl29tide]

I wanted to reply to this, but character limits exist, so I just thought I’d reblog it with a response instead.

1) Thank you for going over your writing process - when someone’s really good at something, I love getting to know their routines, how they approach things, and what their difficulties are etc., so thank you for sharing.

2) I was kind of floored when you said English wasn’t your native language because, to be honest, you write better than a lot of native English speakers and are on par with native speakers who are also very good writers, so I’m impressed. I would have never thought it wasn’t your first language had you not said anything.

3) You said that as long as there’s even one person out there who enjoys reading the fic, you’ll keep posting. Consider me that one. I came to your fic very recently actually. I was a little late in watching The Devil Judge and when I went to see what the fan fiction situation was like (just last month), your fic is the one that caught my attention. Even though it is long (more on that in a second), it was really easy to get through and now I shall wait for more like everyone else (but I don’t mind - again, I’m your one). “I’ll never leave you,” she says in a totally non-creepy way at all.

4) As you said, despite how many lovely comments you get, the bad comments always tend to stick with us more. Those are the ones we dwell on or will bring us down, even if the ratio is is so small compared to the good. There’s nothing I can say that will change that, however, I’m going to tell you good things anyway, which brings me to:

a. You’re not doing ANYTHING wrong. I feel like humans are just naturally impatient. Either people are impatient for you to finish because they want to start your fic or people are impatient to get to certain scenes (like first kisses - and don’t get me wrong - I’m excited for that too), however, for the people that are actually reading your fic and enjoying it for what it is you’re trying to do, I have no doubt the wait will be worth it. Sometimes slow burns *can* drag or feel like they’re just being stretched or have a bunch of unnecessary filler you can get bored by, but your fic is not like that AT ALL, which also brings me to...

b. I absolutely LOVE the fact that you said the fic is going to continue long past their first kiss and the first time they have sex. Honestly (in my opinion), there’s nothing worse than a slow burn that ends right after they kiss or have sex for the first time. I WANT to see how they’re going to make a relationship work between themselves. The great part is, especially in the case of Ga On, is that there’s been so much character exploration that we’re getting to see the ways in which he’s already improving himself, which will be even more beneficial to when it comes to the actual relationship part. They’ve both been working on themselves during this time and we’ve seen that, even in little ways, with each chapter, so the fact that we’ll get to see them coming together and figure out how to make it work between the two of them with everything they’ve learned so far (and everything they’ve yet to learn) makes me incredibly happy. (Also, a side note: Anyone who just wants to to skip ahead to when they kiss and ignore the rest doesn’t deserve your story and there’s plenty of PWP fic they can read instead).

So basically, I guess what I’m ultimately saying is that even though I know it’ll do nothing to calm your anxiety or drown out the feelings you get when you see negative comments (or people asking about when certain things are going to happen), I love your fic. I fell in love with Ga On and Yo Han when I watched The Devil Judge and I needed to see their story continue in some sort of post-canon way and you’re doing everything right in the way you’re continuing their story. They are both very traumatized, flawed characters that have a lot of things to work on and that takes time. It’s time that’s been incredibly well spent and pretty much everything I could have ever wanted. :)

I saw someone ask how many chapters you think Who Holds the Devil will be, and it got me thinking about how long (word wise) it might actually end up being since it’s already ~270K. This fic is a monster where it currently stands and if there’s still a lot left to go, the final word count might be insane. It makes me curious as to what the longest fic you’ve ever written was. Have you ever written a singular fic as big as this one before? What’s the most challenging part of writing stories this big? Is it outlining, continuity, or is it less to do with the story itself and more to do with things like potential burnout etc.?

(Okay, so, this is going to be quite long (which is very on-brand), perhaps a little more detailed than you asked for, and also delve into my insecurities in a way that might be TMI. Read at your own risk x'D)

Yeah, I can't say for sure how many chapters I'll write or how high the final word count will be, but it's definitely going to be a very, very long fic.

As for other fics I've written, my very first fanfic was a series (three parts that tell an overarching story, plus nine bonus chapters) that clocks in at 290k. And, after that, I've written two more than go past the 100k mark, one at 183k (if you count the bonus chapters) and another that lands at 127k. So writing long fics isn't anything new to me, but Who Holds the Devil is definitely the longest so far.

As for the most challenging part, that differs depending on the story. That first fic I wrote was a Teen Wolf one where I basically did a third season (before the actual third season aired) and the challenge was definitely the continuity, keeping all the details in order (both from canon and my own creations), and making sure to write the frankly rather big cast of characters in a believable way. It was meant to be a cohesive story that spanned over three parts, but each part also had to have its own internal structure and climax, slowly building up to the big finale in the third instalment. Hilariously enough, I was too young and dumb to even realise how big of an undertaking that was and just kept writing, blissfully unaware of my own hubris. And, somehow, I pulled it off.

But in hindsight? I was nothing short of insane. Especially considering my, at the time, untested skills at actually finishing a story of that length — in English, to boot, which isn't even my native language. I had written original stories before that, some of which were quite long, but none of that size or complexity. Like, I'm not sure I would dare try that now, even with the added experience and skills I've accumulated since then x'D

Sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss.

Anyhow, the more I write, the easier the outlining, continuity, pacing, characters etc. gets so that's rarely a problem. And a lot of that has always come naturally to me in a way I can't really explain. Like, that 183k fic? I wrote that entirely without a timeline, outline, or notes. I just kept it all in my head and went by instinct and, somehow, never had to go back and correct a mistake — not even once. Which is kind of wild when I look back on it (not to mention reckless) but yeah. And the fic is Autonomy, for those of you wondering.

I don't know what it's like for others, but I rarely get stuck on planning and outlining. I usually just figure out a beginning and a couple of key scenes and off I go. And then everything just falls into place as I keep writing, sort of outlining itself without conscious effort from me, long before I actually reach that point in the story (my brain works faster than my hands, I guess? XD). So I usually figure out the ending before I reach the halfway point and then it's just a matter of filling in the empty spaces in between. And, somehow, my brain just automatically manages to figure out the pacing, continuity, and details without me having to pay attention. Don't ask me how that works, it just does x'D

Since it's so much bigger, I do have a timeline for Who Holds the Devil, though, to keep track of where we are and remember important dates (like Go Eun's birthday! :D) as well as a document with notes for future scenes. But that's mostly because I got so excited about some of them and wanted to write down all the cool dialogue before I accidentally forgot it.

So I would say that the more experience I get, it's definitely not the story itself that makes writing long fics difficult — that part is honestly the easy one. Burnout is definitely a factor, though, especially for a fic of this length. Basically, I'm a sprinter, not a marathon runner. I will usually write a lot of words in a short period of time, then have long stretches when I write nothing at all. If I divide my total word count from last year, I actually wrote over 500 words a day, except it's usually more along the lines of 6k three days in a row, then nothing for three weeks x'D

Anyway, since I know this about myself, I usually never start posting a fic until I've finished writing it, since there might otherwise be months without updates. But I obviously had to change that with Who Holds the Devil and that has proven a bit of a challenge, I will admit. I'm not used to regular or even semi-regular updates like this, so I've had to change my habits quite a lot. But I still make sure to recognise when I have to take longer breaks (which does happen, usually after a very intense portion of the fic) just to let my brain cool down a little.

Fortunately, since I'm very goal-oriented, I never lose sight of what I'm doing, however, even during these breaks. I'm not someone who needs to feel inspired or motivated to keep writing, so I can just pick it up again whenever I like. That's not to say I force myself to write, but I can usually trick myself into getting excited enough to continue simply by taking myself over that first hurdle when everything just feels boring and uninteresting.

I'm stubborn as all hell, is what I'm saying, which is definitely useful when writing long fics.

Because, at a certain point, you're going to need more than just inspiration and eagerness if you want to finish. I have not written a single long fic during which I didn't have a moment — often more than one — where I questioned if I truly wanted to continue or not, either because I was at a boring part of the story or felt overwhelmed by the thought of how much further I had to go.

And that's honestly the most challenging part with Who Holds the Devil. I'm confident in my writing, my characterisation, my ideas, and even my plot, but sometimes when I look at my notes and see how much more I have to write, all I feel is doubt. And, in an interesting turn of events, it's not even my own commitment I'm doubting, but everyone else's.

I know I can get through this and stick with this fic to the bitter end, but can you?

Now, don't misunderstand me — my readers don't owe me anything. You can stop reading any time and you should if you're not enjoying the story, but I would be lying if I said that the amount of criticism and questions I get about the length isn't beginning to wear me down. It makes me second-guess every single choice I've made about the plot, pacing, and overall tone of the story.

At the same time, of course I get why people ask. Some want to know when they can start reading because WIPs are scary (I can totally relate) and these readers have no reason to trust me when I say that I will finish this fic, come hell or high water. Heck, I've already lost two grandparents during the writing of this fic and I'm still going. I even tried to write one chapter while sitting at my grandmother's bedside, waiting for her to die (bad idea in hindsight, my writing was very incoherent — do not recommend).

But it's not like everyone who runs across my fic automatically knows that. They don't know me so of course they'll ask, not knowing that they're the fifth person to do so in less than two months. And that kind of hurts.

And I won't deny that there's probably a bit of pride involved as well — it's annoying to have people question my choices — but, more than anything, it's telling me that I must be doing something wrong. My readers don't trust me. And, well, that's kind of alarming as a writer, when the whole point is to take someone on a ride and they keep asking you for directions or "are we there yet?"

Clearly, I'm doing something wrong.

Now, this is not EVERYONE. I have so, so many lovely readers who enjoy both the insane length and glacial slow burn of this fic — I know that. But there's always a niggling doubt at the back of my mind that I'm eventually going to alienate every single reader because this fic is just Too Long. Or that they'll simply give up on the story since it's going to take us beyond Yo Han and Ga On kissing. Like, this fic isn't just about the two of them getting together, but also how they'll make their relationship work in the long term with their individual and shared baggage taken into account. It's going to continue long past the point of them kissing for the first time, as well as them having sex for the first time.

And a lot of people lose interest after the first kiss or the first sex scene. Which is fine — each to their own — but it's very disheartening to be told that as the author. I've had people ask me in what chapter they'll finally kiss so they can jump to that chapter and ignore the rest. I've had people tell me they're going to stop reading because they just can't stand the annoyingly slow burn anymore. I've had people tell me the fic is already too long for them to read and, here I am, knowing it'll take a lot more words to even come close to finishing it.

And that, at least in the case with Who Holds the Devil, is the biggest challenge — to stay motivated and committed when more and more people are telling me I'm not doing this right. It's daunting enough as a writer to look at your fic and realise that, damn, I have such a long way to go, without also having people tell you, to your face, that, yeah, that's way too fucking long, what the fuck are you doing?

It makes you wonder why you should even keep going, especially when you know how much time and effort you're going to have to devote to the project.

What's the point?

Because despite all the lovely comments I get, praising the level of detail and how realistic everything feels, we all know that negative comments have a tendency to stick with us longer. I can't ignore them even if I desperately want to. And, to make matters worse, not all of them are even intended to be mean. Some just want to know how long the fic will be — which is fully reasonable. But those entirely reasonable questions just pile on top of this mountain of doubt I already have, telling me that this is all pointless. My commitment to this fic is a mistake. I'm wasting my time. It's not Good Enough. It's Too Long.

Now, all that said, I love Who Holds the Devil. I love exploring the characters and the story, and I honestly don't think I'll stop writing it. Because, cliché as it might sound, I do write for myself, not others. I share with others because I know people like my writing, but I'd still be writing even if no one wants to read it. So, worst-case scenario, if people are no longer interested, I'll just keep writing it but will stop posting.

Because, when it comes down to it, I don't need validation to write. I can write in complete solitude. As mentioned, I usually finish a fic before posting, which means I've sometimes completed a 60k fic without a single word of encouragement from another person. I LOVE validation, as most writers do, but I don't actually need it to keep working on a project.

Interestingly, what I'm seeing with Who Holds the Devil, is that too much attention can, apparently, instead make me doubt my commitment to a project in a way that's honestly pretty fascinating? I felt more confident about the fic BEFORE I started posting it, BEFORE I knew if anyone would even want to read it x'D

Now is when I feel the doubt, because what these comments are telling me is that, sure, a lot of people would want to read this fic, but it's too long so now they're not gonna. And, in many ways, that feels like a failure on my part, even if I of course know that tastes differ, we can't please everyone etc. etc.

Tell that to my anxiety.

So yeah. For me, personally, it's definitely outside things that make writing long fics difficult, more specifically opinions from other people that make me doubt my skill level, intentions with the fic, and if it's even worth writing in the first place. I'm actually pretty confident about the rest and, even if I struggle sometimes, I can usually push my way through those issues.

Sidenote: As someone who likes to analyse people's behaviour (including my own), it's pretty fascinating to realise that my biggest issue isn't that I feel pressured to produce more or post on a certain schedule — which is what most fanfic authors struggle with — but that I might, in fact, be doing too much? My fic is just too goddamn long for people to handle.

Like, you gotta admit — that's pretty funny xD

Anyway. All of that said, know that I don't regret writing Who Holds the Devil and that I certainly don't regret posting it. I also have every intention of finishing it and I doubt I'll actually reach a point where I'll stop posting. As long as there's even one person out there who enjoys reading the fic, that's enough for me to keep posting.

So to all of you out there — especially if you happen to be one of those who just casually asked me how long the fic will be without knowing all of this shit — I'm fine. I'm not angry or upset with you. I know the majority of you love the fic and wouldn't want me to change a thing. I also know that these insecurities of mine are… well, not unreasonable, but I don't need to listen to them. And I try my best not to (it's just difficult some days, you know?)

So, to finish this off, just know that I love you, appreciate you, and have no regrets. And thank you so, so much for reading my fic, even if it's long, and taking the time to comment, kudos, or even just gush about it with your friends. To know that my writing brings joy to other people and that it can help support you through difficult times or make you day better is the best feeling ever.

Thank you 💜

… also, chapter 29 will probably be another 15k one, because fuck my life x'D

[diffuserlover]

Hi!! Can i get a ship with treasure, stray kids and txt? Btw I love what you're doing and appreciate that you take your time reading all the request and responding to them 🥺

Me <3

I'm an ambivert leaning to the introverted side. I'm friendly and easy to talk to but picky on whom to let into my life. I approach people but find it quite hard to continue conversations. I mostly enjoy being on my own but won't mind a party on the weekend. I'm very afraid of people judgements and whether they might be talking behind my back, for which i guess I'm nice to everyone. I'm also sensitive and can be short tempered but it usually don't last.

I'm a big music lover and i listen to many genre. I'm always on a music hunt and currently have 900+ liked songs on my spotify. I also like singing too and I'm quite good in drawing and i write sometimes. Rather than speaking to someone i like writing down my feelings.

I'm both street smart and book smart. I like collecting new informations and have knowledge about random stuffs. I'm into astrology and also psychology, spiritual stuffs. Also kinda weird but i like analysing people's behaviour, how they react to words and situations and I'm usually good in reading people's emotions.

My love language is words of affirmation and quality time. I like recieving words of affirmation but usually find it difficult to give it back (maybe it's because the way i was raised idk). But people come to me for advices, everytime they need someone to vent they come to me. People find me trustful most of the time and have let their secrets out to me too.

My type- i'd like someone affectionate to cheer me up whenever I'm down and drown me with compliments. I like confident people who can lead others. Smart men and men who are good with words and are witty. Someone with empathy, who can understand me. Someone i can connect deeply with.

Hiii! Thank you so much for requesting!! I hope you enjoy your ships!! I am so so sorry taking so long to finish your request! Thank you again for requesting<3

Treasure:

I ship you with…

Yedam

Yedam is a sensitive and loving guy even though he seems like a goofball

He loves music, music is his whole life and likes the passion you have for it

He feels you guys can connect more through your love for music

Yedam can be a bit of a tease, he’s kinda sassy, which you said being witty and good with words is kinda your type

I feel like Yedam is a good listener and would let you vent to him

Yedam does the same and finds yiu very easy to talk to

Yedam just likes spending time with you

You and Yedam I feel are both book smart and street smart which is a good mix, you guys teach other things

Yedam is straight forward with you knowing your fear of judgement

Overall, you guys are really sweet my heart aches<3

Stray Kids:

I ship you with…

Han

You start the conversations but Han keeps them going

You both have that fear of judgment and help each other through it by talking each other

Han being so into making songs asks for your opinion on everything he makes as he likes to call you his music expert

Han wrote a song for you to express his feelings as he claims he’s not good with words

Han definitely comes to you a lot for advice and just someone to vent to as he feels comfortable doing that and encourages you to do that as well

Han definitely just likes spending time with you even if that means just sitting in his studio or out on a date

He loves to listen to you talk about your interests

He’s very intrigued by astrology and wants you to teach him more

Overall, you guys are really good match and are so cute:)

TXT:

I ship you with…

Taehyun

He seems pretty quiet but is really talkative around people he is comfortable with

He likes listening to you talk, the way he stares at you with heart eyes

He listens to your playlist and has slowly added songs to his from yours that he likes

He understands how hard it is for you to say what you feel in words and will encourage you to write him a letter or a text if you can’t say it out loud

Taehyun likes to learn new things, he’s smart and likes to learn what you like so he can talk to you about it

Taehyun will always make you feel better

He is always a little witty and sarcastic

Overall, you guys are adorable!!!

[siconetribal]

Forevermore (Part 3)

Pairing: Jumin Han/Maya (I named the MC for ease of writing, you can change the name in your head since it is just MC)

Warning: Fluff, Angst

Requested by: @bat-yo-us​ - Thank you so much for the request, this is a bit of a slow start but I do hope you enjoy the development.

Basking in the sun that filtered in from her balcony door, Maya lay on her stomach flipping through one of the several magazines she had bought containing anything do with Jumin or C&R International. As much as she would have liked to go see him, she knew it was hardly that easy. He was an affluent young business heir who would be the next CEO. For her to just walk-in to the lobby asking to see him was straightforward, but foolhardy.

I’d be laughed right out of the building. She sighed, rolling onto her back. Resting her hands on her abdomen she bit at her lower lip. Even if I was allowed to walk right in and see him, what would I even say? How would I even approach him? Covering her eyes with her arm, she tried her best to still her now quickly beating heart. I don’t even know what to wear, let alone how to greet him! “How pathetic is that?” She pouted a little. “He’s always the one to come to me and he always knows just what to say or do. Did he panic like this? I wonder, he always had such a cool and collected demeanor. I can’t imagine him getting so worked up over something like this.” She laughed off, rolling on to her side. She tilted her head a bit at the crunch of the plastic like paper, propping herself up on her elbow to see a picture of his profile.

He’s always been so refined and elegant...he was a prince once upon a time, I suppose that regality truly never leaves you. She hummed, tracing along the outside of his face. Her finger briefly paused at his lips, her face heating up again as she recalled how easily he had her melting with something as simple as a kiss. “Ah, what am I thinking?!” She sat up straight, shaking her head before pulling her shirt up and over her face to hide herself. No, no, no, no! That’s not good at all! She scolded herself. I bet he never had these control issues. She sighed, popping her head out of her shirt to look at the magazine once more. Is it really just me who’s like this? “Do you feel this way too Jumin?” She mumbled, her fingertips grazing over his picture as her heart squeezed in her chest.

How many days has it been since I told Assistant Kang to find her? Jumin frowned as he looked at the calendar on his desk. The uniform black slashes over the dates suddenly became red ‘x’s, starting from that fateful day where he was just steps away from the most important woman in the world. No, she practically is my world. He corrected, resting his head on his knuckles as he sank back into his seat. He counted the days and frowned at the total: seven. Today would be the seventh day if no update is brought to his attention. Was this a sign? He wanted to avoid unnecessary involvement of others but it looked like they was no other choice.

If I ask him, I know he’ll be able to give me the information I want...he’ll also notice a lot more than I would like. He let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes for a brief moment to gather his thoughts. Seven would be, and has been, the best option for efficiency in this matter. Without too much questioning he would get the simple task done. The price would be no trouble for Jumin. However, he was not a simple hacker. He’s perceptive...a bit too perceptive and that leaves room for questions and trouble. Jumin wanted to avoid anyone finding out too much about Maya. He was afraid of the consequences if any of her information were to be leaked. The fact she kept such a low profile would raise all sorts of red flags for the hacking pro.

“But is it worth the wait? She’s here now.” He mumbled, his fingers grazing over the unnoticeable bump in the breast pocket of his blazer. Carefully he pulled out the cause, the earring Jaehee had picked up. To anyone else it would be a simple earring that was lost by chance. To him, it was a sign. She was here and within reach. So close, he could just reach out to grab her but she had slipped right through his fingers. The fact he was so absent-minded and let her slip away was a serious blow. He was so happy to see her so healthy at first, only to have the wind knocked out of him the moment Jaehee stated she was the one they had almost hit. The one woman he would die for, had died for many times, was almost hit by his car. Luckily she was safe, thanks to driver Kim’s quick judgement. She was gone once again though and the dull ache in his chest only grew each day knowing she was somewhere out there in this city. At least she’s with someone who actually would protect her from harm. He reasoned to combat the sinking feeling that stirred up inside of him. A feeling he rarely ever dealt and he was not pleased that such came up in reference to the someone he was entrusting with his love. “To think I, Jumin Han, would be feeling this way because of Zen.” He scoffed at himself. “No, not because of him...it’s because of her. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s the reason for any of these feelings.” He mumbled to himself.

The knock at his door brought him back from his thoughts, forcing him to sit up once more. Allowing them entrance, he picked up some papers that had been given not too long ago. He glanced up to see Jaehee standing there with some more documents.

“Director Han, your father wishes to speak with you about dinner plans. He wanted me to pass the message along since he was running to a meeting just now.” She started off, walking over to set the documents down on his table. The fact his father went this route was nothing but a bad omen. “The cat furniture project team has come up with some draft items for you to review and approve of, here they are.” She wanted nothing more than to just shred the documents, but she knew better than that. His priority was anything cat and she was the assistant that needed to make sure all was kept on time and completed.

“Thank you Assistant Kang,” he nodded his head without even paying attention to them. He glanced at the pile before turning back to what was in hand. Jaehee noted this and found herself curious once more about her employer. “Were you able to get in touch with the young woman who was with Zen?”

“No, not yet, my apologies. Zen has been quite busy it seems. He has read the message though and hs said he would get me the information as soon as he got it himself. It seems that was the first time he has ever met the woman.” He’s more interested in finding this woman. Is she someone he knows perhaps? This is the first time he’s shown any interest in someone else like this. Maybe it’s the earring? The courtesy to return the lost item would be very him...but we also almost hit her. That is something we need to make sure is not leaked in some wrong way. “I’ll text him again later tonight when he is free.”

“No, it’s fine. Perhaps I shall ask Seven if he is able to help us. He has time to quickly gather the information.” He looked up from the papers at hand to see what her thoughts were about this.

“Luciel certainly has the ability and it would relieve the burden of Zen trying to find out her information while he is busy with role preparations.” She nodded her head in agreement. “Shall I contact him for you?”

“No, I’ll contact him myself. Let my father know I’m available to discuss with him whenever he needs to about this dinner.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This will certainly have to do with another woman in his life. I wish someone of his age would simply understand by now, but that is his nature.”

“Yes, I’ll leave the message with him. Anything else?”

“That will be all for now. Let me know when the others have come for the meeting. If they come sooner, I rather start sooner.” He says simply, flipping the page without leaving a single mark to Jaehee’s excitement. “You may go now.” At those words, she left with a bow and Jumin was once again lost in reviewing the documents.

[swimmingwolf59]

On a Raven’s Black Wing

(A/N) Yo yo yo, I’m writing a multichapter pynch fic on my AO3 and thought I’d post it here as well! :’) There are references to Adam’s abuse, but nothing that’s worse than canon. Hope you enjoy! 

Adam has seen a lot of strange things working at the Henrietta pet store, but this is the first time a customer’s walked in with a raven.

It’s an excruciatingly slow day. Adam had been up until three in the morning working on college essays, AP history essays, and studying for physics, and he’d already had an early shift at Boyd’s and a full day of classes before he came here. He’s exhausted down to his bones, and it’s hard to even stand upright as the minutes stretch into hours of not a single soul coming into the store. Henrietta is small so the store is hardly busy even on a good day, but it’s been a long time since utterly no one has come in. It’s hard to stay motivated, even if this little hole-in-the-wall pet store is one of his favorite places.

Adam gets along superbly with animals; he probably gets along better with dogs than he’ll ever get along with humans. Dogs had been his only lifetime companions back when he’d still lived at the trailer park, and he’d gone outside often to play with them and avoid his father’s rage for as long as he could. The dogs were always happy to see him, snuffling happily as their tails wagged and wagged, piling over Adam in hopes he’d have food with him. He never did, but they didn’t seem to mind; they just loved getting attention more than anything really, and Adam loved them for it. They never cared that he was poor or that he hadn’t eaten since the day before because his dad spent all of their money on booze or that he went out to greet them with a new bruise or cracked rib. It was the closest Adam had ever come to receiving any kind of love, and he’d cherished it.

Landing the job at the pet store had been easy. After he’d moved out of his parents’ trailer for good and took residence in the small apartment above St. Agnes, he’d met Blue while she was on a dog-walking job. The two had become fast friends, and soon enough Adam was joining her on her dog-walks. Apparently the owner of the pet store, a nice old woman with the ironic name of Mrs. Calico, had noticed Adam and how well he got along with animals on one of the days he was helping Blue, and when he’d by chance called her about her help wanted sign she’d enthusiastically given him the job, no interview required. It had been baffling to Adam at the time, and he felt a little like he didn’t deserve it, but when he walked in on his first day and got along immediately with all of the animals in the store it felt a little bit more like coming home.

He spends hours at the pet store even when he isn’t working, using the space in the back to study or help out Mrs. Calico because he likes to and deep down feels like he still owes her for all of her way too generous help. Mainly, though, he’s there for the animals: their company and unique scents always comfort him in a way that nothing else could. He isn’t necessarily happy, but it’s something.

And though he only receives minimum wage, slowly he’s saving enough to get into a good college and get the hell out of Henrietta.

There are times, though, when the monotony of his life strikes him and he can’t fight the scratchy feeling in his throat that he’s just wasting his time sitting around waiting for something to happen. He tells himself he’s working towards it, that he just needs to be patient, but on days like today it’s hard to be optimistic, even with the animals around.

He’s already cleaned out the ferrets’ and rabbits’ pens, fed the fish and turtles, played with the mice, taught the parrots some new words, and restocked the barn animal supplies, meaning he has nothing else to do but wait around for someone to come in. Usually he spends his time entertaining the lizards, but the sun isn’t low enough for any of them to have exited their slumber yet, so Adam is stuck waiting at the cashier counter.

He’s bored, a little lonely, and badly in need of coffee. It’s hard enough working three jobs (if one counted the occasional dog-walking) and going to his shitty high school all the time even without worrying about staying awake. Usually Blue bounces in at some point with the dogs, painfully reminding him that he doesn’t have as much time for them anymore, to bring him some concoction from 300 Fox Way and chat with him for a while to keep his spirits up, but even she’s strangely absent today.  

Leaning his forearms on the counter, Adam lets his head rest down for a moment. It’s taking all of his energy just to keep his eyes open, and he wonders if it would really be such a bad thing if he just closed his eyes for a little while. No one’s here; it should be fine for just a second…

He doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep when the door to the shop suddenly slams open. Adam jolts, his spine straightening so quickly he feels a muscle in his lower back pull. He fights back the grimace of pain and replaces it with a welcoming smile as the customer walks in. “Welcome! Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

The customer just glares at him, and Adam’s neck flushes bright pink with embarrassment as he tries not to make a face. Did he catch him dozing? He stares back at the customer, his smile wavering as the awkward stand-off stretches on. The weak part of Adam can’t help but notice how strangely beautiful the customer is. If one had to pick an overall adjective to describe him, it’d be sharp – sharp jawbones, sharp mouth, sharp nose, sharp eyes. He’s tall and has a buzz cut that strangely looks good on him, the little hairs still showing suggesting that they were once curly and dark. He’s attractive, in the dark and dangerous sense of the word, and Adam doesn’t know how long they stand there staring at each other (it’s ridiculous – he’s stared at boys before but not for this long) before the boy abruptly juts his chin away and stalks off down the aisle.

It’s only then that Adam notices the raven. It’s a small thing, looking barely old enough to fly as it sits on the customer’s shoulder, burrowing its body into the curve of his neck. Adam stares at the bird, wondering why it doesn’t just fly away; it doesn’t look like its wings are clipped.

Has this customer really already trained such a young bird so well?

Adam realizes he’s still staring, his eyes trailing the customer as he hesitates in front of some fresh hay and alfalfa before heading into the back area of the store where the birdseed is. He tells himself it’s just because this is the only person who has come in all day, and not because he can’t stop staring at the faintest trace of a tattoo curling out from under the customer’s raggedly cut black muscle tank.

The boy’s not even his type – he’s more for the adventurous type like Blue, not someone who looks ready to start a fight at any given second.

Just the thought of that makes him think of his dad and he cringes before finally tearing his gaze from the customer.

At least until he hears the unmistakable sound of a bag ripping and thousands upon thousands of tiny seeds cascading onto the floor. A loud shout quickly adds to the cacophony, “You motherfucking—!”

Adam stands from his stool, exasperated more than alarmed, his service dog Holly also standing from her cushion just behind the cash register, ears perked and alert. Holly’s another example of how well Adam gets along with animals: after he’d lost his hearing in one ear from a particularly hard fall due to one of his dad’s slaps, a neighbor had off-handedly commented that he should look into getting a service dog, the closest anyone in the trailer park had ever come to helping him in some way. He’d debated it for a long time, but eventually decided to get one because people snuck up so often on his deaf side that he would actually get severe anxiety attacks.

So, behind his parents’ backs, he’d looked into it. He’d sent in an application to a local agency, and after painfully dipping into a large chunk of his savings ended up with the sweetest German Shepherd puppy. The trainer had warned him that sometimes it took a while for service dogs and their owners to get accustomed to each other enough to work well, but Adam and Holly had clicked immediately. Training had only lasted five days of Adam going to the facility, too afraid to have them at home, and soon enough Holly was his.

She helps him in several ways, all having to do with his partial deafness and anxiety. She reacts and looks to things that approach or are around Adam, notifying him of something’s presence even if he can’t hear it. Whenever he has bad anxiety, she lies down on his chest and licks at his face until his breathing evens and the worst of the attack is over. She’s also technically trained to find someone who can help him when things take a turn for the worst, but even she realizes that there is no one like that in Adam’s life, besides Blue who didn’t live close enough for it to be practical, and so takes it upon herself to calm him and protect him.

She’s the best thing that has ever happened to Adam, but it made him feel bad when he had to make her sit outside at night, pretending she was just one of the neighbor dogs so his father wouldn’t get enraged and turn his beatings to her, too. He saw her as much as he could and took her with him wherever he went, but he missed her dreadfully at night when he had to nurse his own bruises and anxiety and repeat over and over to himself that everything was fine.

Everything was obviously not fine, as Holly’s very existence was proof of, but she helped him more than he could ever thank her for and now that they live together in their own apartment things are better. He still feels the anxiety grip him when he’s trying to sleep, and he never will be able to hear out of his left ear again, but she and Blue continue to support him and he’s never felt luckier. He feels like he’s able to handle more now, which is a big step up from where he was before.

Though he doesn’t think even the best service dog in the world could help him handle the mess he finds when he and Holly trot over to the back aisle of the store.

The boy from earlier is kneeling on the ground, surrounded by a ginormous pile of birdseed. The bag is still sitting on the second shelf, a giant rip in the bottom continuously raining more and more seeds onto the floor. The customer’s raven is picking at the hole, trying to catch seeds in its beak as the boy grumbles and curses and tries vainly to pick up the giant mess.

It’s obvious enough what happened. For a while Adam just stares, the weariness in his bones intensifying at the thought that he’s going to have to clean that all up. Holly leans forward to sniff at the raven, who caws in warning; Adam draws his dog back with a sharp whistle that also gets the attention of the boy.

He glances up sharply, something akin to embarrassment on his face for a split second before he neutralizes his expression. “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it covered! Dammit, Chainsaw…”

The raven just caws at him before flapping onto his shoulder and picking at a loose thread on his shirt. Adam raises an eyebrow as the customer goes back to cursing and picking up seeds one by one. He so obviously doesn’t have it covered that it’s almost amusing. “It’s not a problem; let me just go grab a broom—”

“I didn’t ask for your help!” the boy snarls before Adam can leave, his eyes narrowed in a seemingly permanent glare. Adam narrows his eyes back.

He doesn’t know what he did, but it’s obvious the customer doesn’t like him. Maybe it’s just the way he looks; the second-hand button up that he’d washed so carefully to remove the dried blood stains, the slacks that are frayed at the bottom if one looked close enough, the shoes that have only seen better days before Adam was even born. He’s not stupid – he’d seen the BMW outside. This customer is an Aglionby boy, a rich boy who likely scoffs and looks down his nose at the likes of Adam. Even if Adam was the kindest person on Earth, which he isn’t, it wouldn’t matter, because no raven boy would ever look past anything but his poverty.

If he wasn’t so angry, he would ponder on the irony that a raven boy has an actual raven. That is apparently named Chainsaw.  

He has to physically bite his tongue to prevent himself from snapping back. He’s always been terrified of his anger, afraid that he’ll someday turn into his father, but more than anything he knows it’s inappropriate for an employee to snap at a customer and he doesn’t want to lose one of the only safe places he has. “I’m sorry, but it’s in my job description to clean up any messes. I’ll be right back.”

He doesn’t let the boy retort or even make a face at him before he turns around and storms to the back room. He tells Holly to lie down on her cushion so she won’t trouble anyone as he grabs a broom and dustpan, taking one moment to compose himself before heading out again. Unsurprisingly the mess is much how he left it, if not worse because Chainsaw has moved back to pecking at the bag and chewing at more seeds as they fall out. The customer has a pile of seeds in his hands, but he obviously doesn’t know what to do with them as he stares between them and the floor with a complicated look on his face.

“Do you think you could distract your raven with those while I clean this up?” Adam asks as politely as he’s able to as he approaches them again, nodding at the seeds in the boy’s hands. The customer glares at him, looking like he’s about to snap something back, before he just nods tightly and calls Chainsaw over to the pile of seeds in his hands.

While the raven is distracted eating, Adam grabs the mostly empty bag and tosses it into the trash before returning to sweep all the remaining seeds into the dustpan. It doesn’t take as long as he had feared, and by the time he’s done Chainsaw has eaten the remainder of the seeds and has now fluttered over to stare at a cockatoo through the bars of its cage.

The customer is staring attentively at her, as if he’s considering calling her off, and Adam for some dumb reason remembers how attractive he is. Now that he’s closer he can tell that the boy forgot to shave today, the small, coarse hairs more potently defining his sharp jawbones and chin. He has a sort of dark and wild aura to him that makes Adam’s pulse race unexplainably, and he frowns. He doesn’t know why he’s so drawn to this boy, but it bothers him. He should hate him; he’s no doubt the kind of person that throws his money around without a care in the world and laughs in the faces of people like Adam.

And yet the way he’s looking at Chainsaw right now is almost affectionate, gentle in a way that seems so against every prejudice Adam has for this boy.

He can’t figure him out.

He realizes he’s standing there for too long staring when the customer’s sharp gaze lands on him again, and he flushes as he pointedly looks elsewhere. He doesn’t know why he’s getting so worked up – it’s not like he’ll ever see this guy again. He forces himself to look at the boy’s eyes, which are so unbelievably blue that they end up being worse for his heart, and clears his throat.

“Now, are you sure there’s nothing I can help you with?” He doesn’t even bother to hide the teasing lilt of his voice.

An implausibly sharp grin etches across the boy’s features and Adam’s heart stutters a little bit. “You know, I’m usually much more competent than this. That damn bird always manages to get the better of me.”

Adam almost smiles before he catches himself and looks around, suddenly noticing a certain bird’s absence. “Where is your raven, anyway?”

“What the—?!” The customer looks around himself wildly before cursing and scrambling to his feet. “Chainsaw, you dumb shit, get back here!”

The only answer they receive is a loud, shrill squawk and Holly’s sharp barking. Eyes narrowing in barely constrained annoyance, Adam rushes back to the front, the customer hot on his heels. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he’s suddenly irritated at the customer. Why can’t this guy control his damn baby bird, or at least hold onto her after the first disaster? If Holly is in danger in any way there’s definitely going to be a problem.

However, when he rounds the corner he finds the two animals engaged in what looks to be a one-sided game of tug of war. Chainsaw had apparently pecked at the rope of one of Holly’s chew toys and now holds onto it with her beak as Holly, her jaws clamped on the other end of the toy, drags her around the store. The dog’s haunches are lifted, a growl in the back of her throat, but Adam can tell it’s playful as her tail is wagging and she’s almost gently pulling Chainsaw, as if hoping the raven will pull back.

Adam can’t help but laugh – this is the most ridiculous thing he’s ever seen, even more so than the boy sitting in that pile of birdseed. There’s no way Chainsaw, the young raven that she is, would have any hope of being able to pull against Holly’s strength, and yet they’re both trying hard to win a game that is so obviously in Holly’s favor.

“What the hell…?” the boy mutters disbelievingly under his breath; Adam flinches away, as the customer had come up on his deaf side. He feels immediately embarrassed about it, but if the customer noticed he doesn’t say anything.

Instead, he’s walking towards Holly.  

“Hey, mutt!” The words and the shout are aggressive, and for a moment Adam thinks the boy’s going to hurt Holly rather than just calling Chainsaw. He’s about to step in to interfere and protect his dog when the customer surprises him. Getting down on his knees, the boy roughly rubs his hands along Holly’s pelt, the dog immediately dropping the toy as she barks and rolls over in happiness to give him access to her belly. Chainsaw pecks at her hard-won toy as Adam just stares, dumbfounded. This boy looked like he was about to start a fight, not lean down and give rough belly rubs to Adam’s dog.

…He just can’t figure him out.

“…Um?” he says, almost hesitant to interrupt the moment. The boy has a sharp grin on his face that’s making Adam’s insides roll and churn like he’s on a roller coaster. “Did you come in here for anything specific, or…?”

“Hey, don’t rush me okay?!” the boy shouts back, and Adam has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “It’s not like you’re doing anything useful!”

That stings a little bit more than it should and Adam bites back, “I did offer my help—”

“Okay, look!” The customer stands up abruptly and stomps back towards Adam, who steps back habitually.  To his slight annoyance, Holly is ignoring his obvious discomfort, too busy basking in post-belly rub heaven. “I’ll pay for the destroyed bag, or whatever, but I just came in here for some fucking birdseed, so you can help me by grabbing me two bags of it.”

Adam grits his teeth, hating the way the customer addresses him like a servant, but turns to head back down the aisle anyway. He has no choice, after all, as he is the employee, but he wishes that someone so unfairly attractive didn’t have to have such a terrible personality. He seems to treat animals differently, though, which Adam can’t help but feel a kinship towards. He wonders if the customer has an easier time interacting with animals than people like Adam does, and then wonders why he cares.

This raven boy doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt, and he certainly doesn’t deserve any sympathy from Adam.

He grabs two unbroken bags of birdseed and hauls them back to the counter where he starts ringing them up plus the spilled bag. The customer had finally gotten his bird under control, Chainsaw tucked contently in the crook of his arm again, and Adam wonders sourly why he didn’t just keep her there in the first place.

The customer tosses his credit card at Adam before he can even tell him the total price, and it irks him. He’s insanely jealous that this boy can just toss around his money without carefully counting every penny and doing the mental math in his head to make sure he can afford it like Adam does.

What he wouldn’t do to have that same kind of luxury.

Adam swipes the card, trying hard to make sure none of his irritation shows on his face. Despite his frustration at the other boy, he casually glimpses at the name on the shiny gray credit card, telling himself that it’s only because he’s curious.

Ronan Lynch.

The name alone stirs a strange fire in Adam’s blood that he ultimately doesn’t know how to address. He wants to say it out loud for no reason, but he doesn’t and instead just wordlessly hands Ronan back his card and receipt. He tries not to think about the way their fingers brush clumsily during the exchange but he does anyway, wondering why Ronan’s hands are so sweaty.

His opinion of this boy is fluctuating so much that Adam has no idea what to think.

“Hey!” Ronan practically shouts suddenly, his voice louder than Adam, who’d been spacing out, had expected.

He flinches; it’s a habit that he’s never quite been able to shake. To his surprise, though, once again Holly barely flicks an ear at the customer’s loud and rowdy behavior. Usually she is the first to snap and growl if someone comes near enough to make Adam uncomfortable, or sneaks up on his deaf side. She’s trained to watch people just as closely as Adam himself does and respond accordingly, all to keep Adam safe and in a calm state of mind.

And yet she doesn’t even raise her head from her paws as Ronan stomps closer, nor had she earlier when Ronan had walked up on his deaf side. She must still be appeased by his rough belly rubs, Adam notes irritatingly.

“…Is there anything else, sir?” Adam puts on his best customer smile, but he honestly thinks Ronan and his raven have caused enough trouble for one day, both on the store and on his mind.

The aforementioned raven flutters onto Ronan’s shoulder, pecking at the loose string on his shirt again. Adam sees a hint of a smile on the boy’s features, astonishingly, but he’s turning his head away to tuck the bags of birdseed under his arms before Adam can tell if that was even real or not. Ronan nods at him sharply, once, before he heads for the door.

“…Thanks.” And then he’s gone, rushing out the same way he rushed in.

Adam lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, reaching out to grab the counter for balance. Now Holly is at his side, whining at him as she leans her body against his legs, stabilizing him. Adam closes his eyes and counts down from ten. However, even that simple task proves difficult.

Ronan Lynch. A boy who had insulted him, yelled at him, and yet smiled fondly at his raven and spoiled Holly, who didn’t see him as a threat as she had every other person who had treated Adam in such a way.

…How very strange.

[thebeckychronicles]

Post 23- Thank You

The morning of my biopsy my siblings sent their love over our group chat. Their messages of encouragement were the last thing I saw before the procedure began.

My sister and my dad were in the room with me when the doctor told me it was cancer.

The day I was diagnosed a family friend brought us pizza and comforted my dad. Thanks Colt.

The day I was diagnosed another family friend from my parent’s church came and prayed with my parents and I. Gracias Hermana Dora.

The day I was diagnosed my dad didn’t go to work and my mom sat on the floor next to my bed as I slept. I thought if I could sleep through this ordeal I could handle it.  

A few days after my diagnosis other family friends stopped by and brought us groceries and their prayers.

The week of my diagnosis my best friend’s parents called mine to voice their support and their love.

The week after my diagnosis, I needed to get out of the house, so my brother drove me to the mall while I cried in the passenger seat the whole way there.

My mother stopped working, despite my protests, to take care of me. I now realize how much I needed her with me.

My dad would always call throughout the day to see how I was doing.

In the weeks following my diagnosis I’d wake in the early mornings to the sound of my mother’s prayers; I’ve imagined her soft words veiling me in armor since.

The first day of chemotherapy, longtime friends visited me at home and brought me snacks. Thanks Mara and Ariana.

A childhood friend insisted on visiting me during chemo on different occasions. Thanks for the muffins and singing me to sleep Steph, you’re my favorite savage.

LaraLaraLaraLara! Thank you for your encouragement and for plying me with baked goods and your wonderful care package. The box alone brightens my day.

Throughout this whole process Nancy, you’ve checked in on me. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. Also thanks for the HUGE conchita. Life made dude.

To friends from church who came and visited me and didn’t ask me to talk about my diagnosis that felt fresh in light of my shortened hair, thank you Jennifer and Jasmin. Big thanks for the hooking it up with bomb conchas and coconut oil.

Sam, you’re always checking in on me, and planning our next hang out. Whether it was Taco Bell or seeing a movie, thank you for getting me out of the house and being my constant friend throughout this thing. 

Kelly, thank you for coming to visit me from Chicago. Thank you for checking in on me and for all your tips and gifts on combatting the terrible side effects that we shared. You brought me so much joy and continue to do so. I can’t wait to see you again.

Kim, we met the day before my birthday, a few weeks before my diagnosis and you showed me the kindness and thoughtfulness of a longtime friend. Thank you for showing me such friendship.

Cindy, you’ve sent me messages of encouragement and have brought me pan dulce and chocolate abuelita. Thanks for everything girl.

Roberto, you were one of the first people I called when I found out I was sick. The first thing you said to me was, “We got this. We got this.” Thank you for your love and generosity. Thank you for being more than my friend, thank you for being my family. When you tell me that whatever I need you’re there, I 10000% believe you mean it. And that means the world to me.

D, thank you for reaching out with your own experience. And helping me stay positive as I approached the finish line. Having you on this journey with me for as long as I did was SUCH a comfort. I can’t adequately articulate my gratitude.

To Syd and Mama and Baby Santostefano, thank you thank you thank you for making time to come to Washington and spoiling me with love and quality time while you were here. I love you and I’m so grateful you’ve welcomed me into your family so wholeheartedly. I lava you all.

Tisa, thank you for being my best friend. For treating me normally. For not being weird about the fact that I have cancer. For driving everywhere and maintaining an amazing friendship with me despite the distance. To Shauna, first off, thank you for encouraging my love of reading since the 7th grade. Thank you for being there for me from the beginning. For not bullshitting me with platitudes. Thank you for acting like my sounding board and helping me navigate this whole new experience. Thank you for letting me whine, letting me share my frustrations and annoyance with you. Thank you for understanding my sarcasm and my morbid humor. Thank you for opening your home to me next month. I can’t wait to see you.

These are just a few of the many acts of love and kindness that my community has shown me this year. I really could go on forever. Even if I didn’t mention you by name just know I appreciate all those who’ve kept my family and I in their thoughts and prayers and have reached out to me.

After my parents got off the phone with my best friend Lety’s parents, I couldn’t help but voice how taken aback I was by the outpouring of love and support I had received since announcing my diagnosis on Facebook. I truly hadn’t expected much of a reaction, not because it’s not a shocking thing to say, “I have cancer,” but I’ve always thought I was loved deeply if not widely. I never thought of myself as someone who stood out much, not in junior high and high school, and not after either. This is something that never bothered me so I’m fine with it. I told my parents I hadn’t expected so many people to reach out to me following that Facebook post. In response my dad said that the outpouring of support and love was the result of “el impacto de alguien que camina por un jardin y tiene cuidado no causar dano.” The impact of someone who walks through a garden without causing damage. He went on to say how proud of me he is.

En toda honestidad Pa, la única razón por la cual yo sé cómo caminar con cuidado por un jardin es porque yo sigo los pasos de usted y mi mama. Espero poder seguir sus pasos por el resto de mi vida. Gracias por apoyarme durante este año. Ustedes dos se han esforzado en proveer para toda la familia. Gracias por acompañarme a cada cita, por no dejar que yo este sola, por su paciencia conmigo. Gracias por amarme en los tiempos más difíciles. Estoy tan agradecida con Dios por haberme dado ustedes como padres. Love you.  

I’m so blessed to be so wholly loved.

I started writing my love letters to my family and friends, early on in my cancer journey, because I never doubted that they would be my desperately needed support system. As I made my way through this journey, and as I’m nearing the end, I continued adding to these letters and here they are.

To my family as a whole: parents, siblings, aunts and uncles and cousins: gracias por todo el amor y apoyo que me han dado. Gracias por no dejar que yo pase por esto sola. Gracias por amarme.

Maha- you are the planner, my realist that I need when I needed grounding. You brought my family and I reassurance that this too shall pass. You’ve made me feel safe in a time when being in my own body felt risky and dangerous. Thank you for always thinking of me, for reminding me to love myself, for reminding me that God is good, always. Thank you for being my mentor, my friend. My family. I can’t tell you how blessed I am to know you and have you in my life. Surely God loves me so much that he gave me you. I love you.

Carlos- thank you for being the levity I needed, for letting me express my emotions (especially anger) out loud without judgement and lectures. You’ve been a gatekeeper for me so thank you for that. Thank you for listening and listening and not asking questions; for reminding others that my treatment plan is my choice. Thank you for caring and not letting my disease be all we talk about. Love you (you’re ugly). .

To my sister Brianda: thank you for being my anchor through this whole experience. Thank you for believing that I’d beat this from the jump and for fiercely advocating for me when I didn’t have the heart or the will to. For caring about my health when I didn’t want to give a shit about my body. You’ve been my confidante and have had the burden of listening to my fears, my anger, my grief, of seeing me at my lowest. Thank you for bearing the brunt of a lot of the honest but ugly and scary things I said. I needed that. Thank you for granting me that bit of selfishness. Thank you for being my gatekeeper against the well-meaning and overwhelming world. I really will never be able to express how much comfort your care brought me in the most painful and seemingly unending times. Thank you for thinking of me and taking care of me even when you didn’t have to. You’re my number one Bad Gal Bri Bri. Love you ugly.

I know lately it has seemed like I’ve only been in and out of a very difficult place. And the reality is I have been. There are good and bad days and I used to think that if a day wasn’t straight up good, it must be bad. But I’ve come to realize that some days are good, others are bad and most are somewhere in between. And that’s okay. As clichéd as it may seem, although I’ve been a bit hung up on the heavy stuff I’m dealing with- because dealing with it demands more attention- I’m actually doing pretty good right now because I have some perspective. The month of May and the beginning of June were especially hard. But I’m doing a lot better now. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that it’s really easy for me, despite my diagnosis, to see how blessed I am. I am absolutely blessed. How can I say I am not? I am so wholly loved; it’s impossible to deny how good I have it.  I have wonderful, wonderful family and friends. And thank you does not at all encompass my gratitude and love for all of them. Even though I don’t understand God, like Maha told me in the beginning, God’s got me.

5 MORE DAYS