#Because I kept oversharing

[amethystina]

Hope you’ve been doing well <3 Or if not, that things improve and you feel better!! Just want you to know that an anonymous raccoon on the internet is thinking of you :)

Thank you so much, anonymous raccoon — I'm very flattered to hear that someone is thinking of me 💜

Unfortunately, things aren't the best right now. But they could also be worse, I guess? My former stepdad is out of the hospital! So the sepsis didn't kill him, thank god! But now my aunt is in the hospital with blood clots in her lungs so, uh, that relief was kind of short-lived.

I'm also back to working full-time (because of stupid bureaucracy) despite not actually having recovered from my burnout, so that's also a bit of a struggle. But they have sent me to a therapist now, so there's that? Not on a permanent basis but as a "we don't really know what else to do but try this I guess?" and I was immediately reminded of how difficult a patient I am to every therapist I've run into — this one being no exception.

They're always telling me that I seem so well-adjusted and calm and insightful and have all the tools to handle my mental health and so they don't know what they can do to help me. But, like, my guy — if I can barely function despite all these things, there's obviously something wrong. And it's your job to figure that out, not mine.

So we'll see how that goes, I guess? He's not a bad therapist by any means, I'm just a trickier patient than most because I know the tricks and strategies and use them in all the right ways, but I'm Still Not Okay. And that just throws them for a loop. They quickly run out of ideas when working with me.

And, because of all this stress, all I want to do is read. I've been reading so many fanfics these past couple of months. But, unfortunately, not written anything myself. For literal months. It's not writer's block so much as an instinctive reluctance towards anything that isn't reading (so drawing has fallen to the wayside as well). But I'm trying to find ways around that since I do miss writing. And I have so many projects to finish.

So yeah. Life isn't great right now with so much happening and my thoughts and feelings being all over the place, but I'm trying to straighten things out, slowly but surely. But it's probably going to take a while before I'm back to anything even remotely resembling normalcy. Still — I'm trying.

Thank you so much for reminding me that there are people out there who care about me. I wouldn't say that I've forgotten, but a reminder is always nice. So thank you, truly.

Please take care 💜

[cerealbishh]

"Henry cares for Faran. The Liars normally have to be the ones caring for others. It just makes me melt!" - Zaria on Twitter about Henry(x)

[everykonan]

ch. 446

[iwonderwh0]

What's a little comforting is that people with terminal insomnia don't live as long as I have been already living with mine. At least that's what I've been told

[avatardoggo]

THIS MAN MADE ME A WEBSITE FOR MY BIRTHDAY 🥹😫😣😳😭🥰

[rainingincale]

@maingoes created a tag game, here is the description:

"Topic is covers of books that definitely changed your brain on some sort of minuscule but permanent level or that you think your childhood experience would’ve have been different without (longest title of a tag game ever I know) my only 2 rules are u should have read the book before age 10 and you cannot include the HP series"

Here are my books:

I shall tag @j-purplesunsets-rainydays @jesperfaheygf @cancara @mostlykind @captainjanegay @holdingontozouis and anyone else who sees this and wants to do this! Also pls do not do if you do not wanna ❤️❤️❤️

[elvesofnoldor]

Armand, Lestat and Claudia were all portrayed as demonic and diabolic creatures of various degree sometimes (with Armand being thought of only as the villain for a very hot second) and Anne Rice kind of made it so much more difficulty than necessary to sympathize with them even though they are literally all victims of abuse.

Anyways had Armand Lestat and Claudia unionized and realized they are not each other's enemy, maybe they could have achieved some semblance of happiness together as a purely platonic family. They are after all, fucked up in the same way anyways. Their brand of trauma makes them believe that being desired = being loved, and in fact it makes them believe that being desired is the ONLY way to be loved. In fact to be desired is more important to them. It's why that despite Lestat always caring for Armand and Claudia, both of them felt rejected by him because he could not desire them. It's why Lestat chose his abusive partner over his daughter Claudia, because to him romantic/sexual fulfillment is more important the non-sexual love you should have for your children. if Anne Rice realized that her vampire series should be about girls and gays uniting to kill the local p*dophiles mayhaps we can have 5 less books in her overtly drown out series. But alas

[magdaclaire]

i wonder why my family seems to celebrate more than other people and then i remember we come from moonshiners up one side and tradesmen down the other and i'm like yeah okay that makes sense

[gayfranzkafka]

(insane post incoming) okay i've been a taylor swift re-recordings hater since the beginning but the Speak Now re-recording is making me INSANE i think it's partially just that i'm having a weird time emotionally anyway but like "Timeless" made me TEAR UP like bro WHAT like something about it being soooo essentially of that era but new like the novelty of it BONKED me over the head with a reminder of what it felt like to hear all those songs off Speak Now for the first time when i just had this IDEA of what love was & hadn't actually experienced it yet (& wouldn't for many years!!) like way before i even knew i was a lesbian just listening to taylor sing "enchanted" alone in my bedroom wondering who the guy she was singing about was & if she ever saw him again (because i was #blessed to not have internet access and therefor not know it was the dude from owl city she was singing about alsdfhaklsdhfasdh) & i remember just pouring through the little lyric booklet & its pictures & intro & mostly it was just me & the music & this picture of her in a ballgown in my head & this made up but hopeful romantic idea of what love is and like S C R E A M

[starfieldcanvas]

everybody put in the tags the most public place you've ever had sex!

hm apparently there's public sex discourse going on right now. i cannot imagine a less qualified group of people to talk about both being in public and having sex than tumblr.com users

[karlyboyyy]

Oh lordt I think these are probably the worst cramps I’ve ever had wtf

[thedevotionaltour]

it also kind of hurts bc hearing janeway talk is like it feels like when the counselor is sitting you down to both ask and then tell you why youre here and telling you have a problem or when your parent asks what's going on what's up when youre like i dont. i dont have one. nothing is up stop asking me because i feel so ashamed nothing is going on. i think that is also why it's a bit more like Oh It Kind Of Hurts than i expected bc it feels like that a lot. but really an emphasis towards counselor or health provider thing. it feels like that in particular a lot.

[tendermothx]

.

[boneremoval]

shout out to the girl in my 7th grade math class who called me perro and my parents were like "shes calling you bitch??" and i in all my pale autistic glory said "but perro is a male dog so it cant mean bitch" anyway she was trying to bully but i think i won

[arokalypse]

i always thought romantic love was the plague and i was a plague doctor.

so here's an aro-colored plague doctor

me oversharing beneath the cut about how amatonormativity has screwed me up in ways I have never been screwed up before.

(rant beneath the cut is full of negativity, triggering, but perhaps relatable. idk. read at your own risk)

okay so let's have a mini story telling time about how romance plagued every aspect of my life until now.

My bestfriend in high school treated me of less value after she gets her boyfriend. This experience was what drove me into drawing plague doctors during valentines. These doodles were captioned with "Plague is in the air", because my friends in my circle told me to not hang out with her on that day because it's valentines day. So cool, I thought I should avoid them like they were the plague.

For the first half of college, I've been a wingman for way too many of my friends for my only female and best friend.

It has gotten to a point where the meaning of my companionship with my male friends had become solely for providing a connection to a girl they want to date.

In the long run, my bestfriend, who my 'friends' were pining for, actually has been pining for me. She asked if we could be a thing, I said yes because I thought that, romance isn't probably as disgusting as I think of it.

To protect tradition and to protect the feelings of the men she rejected (who I also wingmanned), we kept it hidden.

For the entire time, she emphasized how I was dense and oblivious about romance. For the entire time I was confused, disoriented, and even repulsed. I didn't know how to reciprocate and I certainly did not have THOSE feelings either at all.

Of course it didn't end well.

After that failed attempt at romance, I have been involved in three more encounters after that. Men suddenly started talking to me out of nowhere. Initially, I thought that they were just trying to make new friends. I didn't realize they were hitting on me but when I did, I cold-shouldered them out of my life.

The last one was the most traumatic. I have explicitly stated that he shouldn't attempt to romance me because I've admitted that I'm way too tired of dealing with it, but he was stubborn. He has also gone as far as sexualizing me against my will.

So yeah.

Amatonormativity made me lose faith in the meaning of my friendships.

It made me realize how friendship is easily overshadowed by romantic relationships.

It made me worry that my kindness is misread as a romantic gesture.

It made me constantly hate how friendship is only seen as a stepping stone for a romantic relationship.

And because amatonormativity has rendered all my significant connections meaningless, I'll spend every second of my life hating amatonormativity. I will always be repulsed at the concept that destroyed every goddamned friendship that I had. Nothing has ever made me feel THS sick. I will always think of it as the plague.