#Bearpoll

[bearpoll2023]

[certifiedwerewolf]

Why you should be supporting Bob Belcher in the @bearpoll polls:

My man has it ROUGH. He literally has such simple wants and desires (financial stability for his family and business. hang out with his family. cook stuff. that's IT. He doesn't even want a highly successful business, he just wants to make people burgers and keep on top of the bills). And yet he still can never catch a break. He needs a win. We can give him that.

Literally the best tv dad this man sat down with his 13 year old daughter who was talking about the school trying to propaganda kids out of kissing and told her, look, it's okay to like kissing and when you're old enough other things, and you have to stick with your convictions and if that is that kissing is good, then go for it. What other cartoon dad would, COULD even?

Goes above and beyond for his family like constantly. He loves them so much. He would, could, and has done literally anything for his kids and his wife. They are everything to him, chaos and all. Don't you think that's deserving of a win like this? He is the POSTER BOY for family man, like it's CANON that not only does he WANT to hang out with his wife and kids, he would rather hang out with his wife and kids than anyone else. "Take my wife" whomst?

Literally everyone who ever tastes his burgers is transported to a higher plane of ecstasy. The only reason his business isn't more successful is that he's pisspoor at pr.

Imagine how satisfying it would be for him to rub it in to Jimmy Pesto's bitch face that he won a sexyman poll.

It's not canon but he's definitely bi. So he would qualify for bear by being mlm too, even if it's not canon.

Look. Okay, look. I know. I KNOW. Iroh is on that poll. Other attractive guys are too. Bob doesn't really stand a chance against them if we're being honest. But who else DESERVES the win more? Iroh got literally everything he could feasibly ask for after his show, he doesn't need this win. And he would want to support Bob too! Even Iroh would want you to vote for Bob!

Vote Bob Belcher Tumblr Bear 2k23

[literalbearpoll]

Bear (the animal) Poll

Hi everyone! I was inspired by people being confused that @bearpoll wasn't about literal bears. So I made this blog for voting on your favorite bear characters! Also inspired by @best-fictional-cat and @rabbitswag-competition.

Guidelines

Just to get it out of the way, this isn't a "sexyman" contest, so you can submit kids too.

Fictional bears only. So don't nominate a bear from a real life zoo or reserve or something.

Bears you can submit include anthros, ferals that talk, ferals that don't talk, teddy bears, etc. as long as it's clearly a bear. So don't submit a human with bear ears or a human with a bear motif. They don't count. If the human can transform into a bear or has a bear form, that's fine though.

Creatures/hybrids based on a bear are fine but the bear traits need to be obvious. If I look up your character and think "Where is the bear?", the character is ineligible.

You can submit different characters, but don't spam me with the same character multiple times to skew the results.

>> Submit your bears here! <<

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

why you should be voting for Helmut Fullbear in the @bearpoll

Literally named Full Bear. Literally

Canonically gay and married to another man (namely Bob Zanotto, who probably also counts as a bear) You get to see their wedding (in a memory, yes, but it counts, ok) and their relationship is very important to the story

Flamboyant theatre gay rockstar/opera singer. Immense cunt serve. Ultimate fruit. Look at him he's literally wearing rainbow.

Big. Lorge even

Canonically neurodivergent (has PTSD) and psychic (which is an elaborate metaphor for being neurodivergent except you also get to shoot beams of energy from your forehead)

Voiced by noone else but Jack fucking Black

Can literally control time itself

This:

[falseprophetpoll]

Welcome to the False(st) Prophet Poll

(Inspired by @sexymanotd @bearpoll and many many others)

Our mission is to pit all of the fakest, wrongest, most convinced they are god or otherwise know it personally, religious zealots out there!! And we need the help of the blorbo enjoyers to do it. Submit your worsties.

Well, how do I know my blorbo is a false prophet?

You must ask yourself the important questions!! Do they give themself special and/or undue religious significance? Do they perhaps believe they are god, or that they know god personally? Do they use their religious clout for personal ends? Is what they worship proven to be a false god or dead end by the narrative? If the answer is yes to one or more, then they are a false prophet! Bonus points if they are slimy, shitty, cruel, or otherwise nasty.

A few rules:

Fictional characters only (for hopefully obvious reasons).

Please, submit a character once per person. You can submit as many different characters as you want though!

Submit through the doc to keep things simple.

Use your heart! If you think they are a false prophet, then go for it! And tell us why, we love to read your opinions.

[furryprovocateur]

i could probably be annoying and make a broader point about how that bearpoll blog having predominantly fictional 2d characters + almost no people with actual bear bodies speaks to how performative a lot of you are with saying how sexy you find fat ppl. but it's only 10 am and i need to pace myself.

[tailung]

bearpoll nuked itself

[jackiechanadventures]

BEARPOLL CANCELLED THEY DIDNT PUT ROADHOG

[gmos]

that bearpoll tournament is fucking awful selections. you all wouldnt know a bear if you got mauled in the forest. grasp the concept of fat men or i am going to fucking lose it

[why-its-kai]

tumblr literally doesn't understand what a bear is. can't believe ppl fucking harassed bearpoll so much into deleting the entirety of the event.

[spushii]

oh my god the bearpoll mod literally nuked everything this is so funny

[bearpoll2023]

art for Martin was drawn by @hotdrinks and used with his permission!

[bbg100]

Bearpoll matchups are way trash however I'm gay so let's go girlies

[lesbianlotl]

why you should be voting for big man in the @bearpoll

Ay

Ay

Ay

[cleverish]

Maple creek

I had planned to leave Seattle sooner. But plans change.  When the clutch burns out on the worse-than-expected car you were planning to drive across the country before you could have known that it was 105° in Montana near the Canadian border,  and that the car doesn't have A/C... it's only wise to change plans. So this trip became more like my other trip to the west coast.  Prowling seattle,  Portland, and vancouver Craigslist for a ride to the bay area.  I already told Tyler I won't be making it out to arryo hondo.  Of course,  Craigslist is Craigslist, so my July 11th ride flaked out. But before I could find a new SF ride, I found an ad for someone going to mount ranier. The chief problem with lacking a car on what's fundamentally a road trip is the number of destinations that aren't reached by other means.  Given that I'll miss mono lake, lake tahoe, arches national park, mount zion, and probably also yosemite  (though that remains to be seen), getting to go and camp in at least one national park is a chance I couldn't pass up. The fact that it turned out to be a free ride, from a fellow who loaned me camping gear,  and free backcountry camping, that all just sweetened the deal.  The driver,  Patrick Gillette, turns out, like every other Craigslist rideshare I've had, to be a fascinating individual.  A 15-year seattle transit bus driver,  a former moped messenger (in the days before bike messengers on seattle streets), and having visited Saint Petersburg (leningrad, not tampa) in 1996. He also is the only person I've ever met who had spent time traveling Mongolia.  He gives me a useful tip: "Go to Ulaanbaatar, to the big market.  Not only is it something to see, but everyone who has taken their goods to sell,barter,  or buy,   has a sign in the window of their caravan,  the village or town they're returning to.  You can travel to any part of the country,  for gas money,  maybe $30. Just don't expect that you can keep going in the ame direction.  The caravans are full leaving the market.  I waited the whole day trying to go somewhere after my first ride out.  I finally crossed the road,  got a ride in 5 minutes to Ulaanbaatar, right to the market.  I found my ride there. That's how you get around Mongolian style." I told him about the festival of San Antonio in Lisbon and crossing the Atlantic via repositioning cruise. "Repositioning crews? Like on an oil rig?" I also told him about my plan to circumnavigate the world without using an aeroplane. "So that'll definitely involve the trans-siberian [railway]. You might be tempted to get a first class cabin,  but that door is actually a liability.  Third - class is fine. There aren't seats on there, all berths. No short trips on the trans-siberian." Patrick's coming down to paradise inn, the national park's soon-to-be remodeled hotel, to spend a weekend with his 96 year old mother "could very well be her last chance." He's got a room type which soon won't exist,  "the old kind,  with the bathroom down the hall". It's a major cultural shift that's occurred in his generation, the rise of the master bathroom,  the ensuite guest room,  where "the bathroom" somehow became "my bathroom". I live in a three bedroom house with one bathroom.  There's a parallel shift in my own generation's time, I remember when it was "the phone", not "my phone". When "work" and "home" were expressed in 7 digits and could be reliably used to contact anyone there,  and no one in between. Reflecting the relative wealth and consumption of each generation,  a bathroom is a five-figure capital expense, a personal and private luxury.   A cell phone is a convenience to the broader world and a liability to its owner, an electronic leash. Along the way we talk a decent amount about generational differences. But it's not an adversarial conversation,  as these so often are.  It's a discussion of the fact that it used to be a perfectly middle class thing to own a lake house out in the county.  The kind of thing a single earner with a high school diploma could not only aspire, but expect to have.   I joke that a one-year lease is a status symbol for my generation.  He correctly points out that the most recent iPhone is a more comparable touchstone.  Of course,  a lake house rents for more in a week than an iPhone costs.  But I am not my generation. I do own a home.  I have a reasonable expectation of a comfortable life ahead of me.  And I don't have an iPhone. Patrick and I check in at the ranger station and I get setup for the camp that's available, maple creek.  He drives me a good half-hour beyond his destination,  stops a few times for pictures of the awe-inspiring glacier - capped volcano that poses a greater threat to seattle than any kim. Box canyon is the closest parking area to my campsite  (a 3 mile walk from there), he gives me his gear, and we agree to meet back there at mid-morning Saturday.  The hike over is radically pleasant.  The shade of old-growth forest is simply unmistakable.  The only place where sun reaches soil is where one of these ancient conifers has fallen- or been felled. The trail, a lone human trace, sticks out here like the an oil platform in open seas. I reach the campsite and it is simple. A patch of bare soil perhaps 4 meters long by two wide.  The only maker is a metal number on a wooden pole "2", and the bear pole a few meters from the campsite.  The rush of the nearby stream conspires with songbirds for an easy melody. Before I've even pitched a tent,  it feels like home. -Day 2- Awakening,  not to alarm or any human sound,  but due to light,  songbirds and the babble of the nearby stream is  truly priceless.  My body is, either despite or perhaps because of, sleeping in a sleeping bag over a simple mat, free of the aches or pains that regularly accompany my mornings.   I half-expected the fetching blue-eyed ranger to be the first sight I'd see toady.  But no,  I am wonderfully alone. Foregoing my coffee for now,  as well as kratom, I instead boil my water, pouring it over a pouch each of banana bread and cinnamon roll flavored quaker oats. The rest I plop a teabag into. I take time to breathe,  and think of one of my favorite quotes from Thoreau's Walden. "We make ourselves rich by making our wants few". This morning I am a millionaire.  The ranger does eventually show up,  we exchange a few lines of pleasant conversation.  Recommendations in hand I go for a stroll (hike seems to active of a verb). The stream, barely a trickle earlier,  grows louder and fuller by the minute.  Later, feeling delightfully alive, I eschew my clothes for a swim.  The glacial water is glacially cold. I continue my stroll until I reach a fairly uninspiring trailhead parking lot, and so turn back.  On my way back I see small examples of fauna, a frog,  black squirrels,  and a cute little snake.  I return,  grab my pack from the bearpole, and stick my Vinho Espumante  (Portuguese champagne) a maelstrom of the creek to chill.  I put a pouch of curry (Indian food in little foil patches beats soup for weight, noodles for convenience, and both for taste) to heat up, and steam a tortilla to dip into and eat with it.  After the other components of my supper are ready,  I go down to the water and grab my perfectly cooled beverage. The cork pops with celebratory ease.  It is good. 

[bearpoll2023]

Art of Throndir provided by @rookfeathers with their permission!