#Barley Cookie (OC)

[seadradoodles]

Happy april fools to myself I guess because I genuinely do not remember drawing this little fake sprite for Barley. Seriously, when did I draw this.

[somethingclevermahogony]

A Recipe for Wumopaka and Breakfast at a Korithian Temple

Hello everyone! It's been awhile since I did a big post like this!  Quite some time ago, I said that, as a way to celebrate reaching 300 followers (I'm now nearing 350), that I would make one of the dishes from the setting of my WIP. I did something similar to celebrate both 100 and 200 followers, which you can see here and here. With that in mind, I put up a poll to see what dish you all would like to see based on the favorite dishes of my OCs. You voted for Penetinos's favorite food, a sesame cake/cookie called Wumopaka.

In addition to the Wumopaka, I will provide a description of the meal for which it would have been, Penetinos's favorite meal. This particular meal is what you might expect to be served in the early morning as a priest/priestess of the temple of the Goddess Fokisa.

I will give a short description and some history of each component of the meal and will also provide recipes. These recipes come specifically from the Korithian city-state of Obfunemakolis, on the island of Obfunema.

BIG POST ALERT

Korithian Diets in General

The diet of Korithians is generally highly reliant on cereals, grapes, and olives. Barley is the most commonly consumed cereal and is used in the bread of most commoners. However, wheat have become increasingly more available in recent years, and has in large part, began begun to replace barley as the staple crop for the more well-off., and priests and priestesses. Legumes (Lentils, peas, vetch, beans, etc.), vegetables (Cabbage, carrots, lettuce, seaweeds, artichokes, asparagus, onions, garlic, sesame, cucumber, beets, parsnips, etc.) and fruits/nuts (pomegranate, almond, fig, pear, plum, apple, dates, chestnuts, almonds, hazelnuts, pinenuts, beechnuts, walnuts, rilogabo(Kishite regalu "Sunfruit"), bokigabo (Kishite botagalu "Northern fruit), etc.) also make up a significant portion of the Korithian diet, with meat (Cattle, lamb, pig, goat, goose, duck, horned-rabbit, game) and fish typically filling a relatively minor role except for in the diets of wealthy individuals.

Vinegar, oil, and garlic appear in almost all mainland Korithian dishes and are an essential aspect of the Korithian palate.

The Arkoteki and their diet

The Arkoteki are the primary inhabitants of the southern islands of Korithia and are the closest descendants of the Korithian precursor civilization, the Arkodians. The Arkodians, famous for their creation of magical weapons made from Arkodian Bronze, were ultimately destroyed during the Kishite-Arkodian War, the same war which would ultimately lead to the collapse of the United Kishite Empire.

While similar to their mainland cousins (the Funfiron), the Arkoteki do exhibit a number of unique practices. Perhaps most famous is the practice of Padin Barohim/ Padbim (Ash Feet), a ritual tattooing of the top of the foot which is undergone typically by warriors and sailors around the age of 15. The Arkoteki dialect is noticeably different from that of their mainland cousins, with both parties having some difficulty understanding the other. The Arkoteki accent shows greater influence from both Knosh and Apuna, while the mainland shows considerably more Baalkic and even Kishite influence.

Food and diet are another area in which the Arkoteki show some separation from the mainland. The Arkoteki on average eat far greater quantities of fish/shellfish and almost no mammalian meat. Cattle are rare on the islands, as are pigs, with sheep and goats instead forming the great majority of all livestock. 

Arkoteki food is generally light, and shows an aversion to strong sauces and richer food preparations. This has led to a somewhat contentious culinary relationship between the islands and the mainland. 

The southern islands have long been famed for the honey produced there and hives are plentiful. It is perhaps for this reason that the average Arkoteki exhibits a far greater sweet tooth compared to a northerner.

Recipes below the cut!

The components of the meal are as follows:

Wumopaka: (Korithian: Wumos = wine, paka = cake/cookie)

Trakidaro: (Korithian: Traki = goat, daro = cheese)

Ewisasi : (Korithian: Ewisasi = olives)

Hogabo : (Korithian: Hogabo = dates, literally "dust fruit")

Wumos: (Korithian: Wumos = wine)

Wumopaka aka Pokdibopaka aka Arkoteki Wine/Sesame Cake

Wumopaka is a popular breakfast/dessert item with origins in the south of Korithia, likely shortly after the fall of Arkodai.

Wumopaka originated as a survival food, composed primarily of gathered nuts, sesame, and honey with some barley or even ground lentils added to provide further sustenance. At this point, these lumpy hard cakes, typically made into the shape of large flat discs or "cakes", would be called sesame cakes or Pokidopaka (or in the Arkodian: Pokediopaga). The use of honey and its long, slow cook time created a hardy and long-lasting, yet palatable, treat that could be easily transported during the uncertain and dangerous times after the fall of Arkodai. These cakes appear in many Arkoteki folktales and myths, sometimes as gifts and sometimes as weapons. According to one story, the hero Kuranokos killed the giant Firokari by striking him in the head with a thrown sesame cake. As the ashes settled and new settlements formed, Pokidopaka remained, adopted as a new comfort food. It was priests that first started the custom of serving the cakes, either broken into small pieces or else premade into smaller pieces, with wine. It is from here that the cakes have earned their more common name, Wumopaka. It is not unheard of to dip said cakes in the wine, some even dropping the cake into the wine entirely, allowing it to dissolve, leaving behind the hard sesame shell to be eaten afterward. Compared to the first cakes, the Wumopaka of Penetinos's time are smaller and sweeter, incorporating spices like fennel and cinnamon, and have forgone barley and lentils in exchange for wheat flour.

Due to the hard and sticky nature of the treat, it has an unfortunate reputation as a "tooth-breaker".

Recipe

(Note that Korithia has no distinct set of measurements nor are recipes recorded. The amounts described here are approximate. Recipes are typically passed down orally and differ greatly between cities, temples, and families. Adjust the ingredients to one's own liking) (Also note that this is not like a modern recipe; it does not use sugar or leavening agents like baking soda. If one wishes, they can add baking soda and sugar to the cake in order to create a sweeter and less dense product.)

The Cake

150 grams All Purpose Flour

120 grams hazelnuts/almonds/walnuts (Ratio is a matter of preference, this recipe strongly favors hazelnuts)

5 Tbs olive oil

5 Tbs Rilogabo Juice (substitute 1:1 Orange and Lemon juice)

4 Tbs honey

2 Tbs Plain Greek Style Yogurt

1 tsp Cinnamon

½ tsp fennel seed

4 black peppercorns

Salt

The Shell

150 grams of white sesame seeds (optionally mix white and black sesame)

Approximately the same amount of honey (~5.2 ounces)

Optional: 1-2 tsp Sweet White Wine

The Cake

1) Preheat the oven to 180C (365F). While the oven is heating add nuts and spices to a large pan and toast over medium heat, moving constantly, until fragrant but not burnt, remove from heat and set aside to cool.

2) After allowing the nuts and spices to cool, use a mortar and pestle or a food processor/grinder, to process all into a sandy consistency.

3) Combine nut mixture with all purpose flour in a large bowl.

4) In a separate bowl measure and combine the wet ingredients.

5) Combine with the dry ingredients. Use hands or a sturdy utensil to completely incorporate all ingredients. The resulting due should be firm and pliable and should retain its shape without crumbling. If too dry, add additional rilogabo juice. This does not need to rest.

6) Roll the dough into four long thin batons and place on a lightly oiled baking pan.

7) Place the pan in the pre-heated oven for 20- 25 minutes or until mostly firm to the touch and golden.

8) Remove pan from the oven and allow the cakes 10 minutes to cool.

9) Once cooled, cut the cakes into bite sized pieces.

10) Place cut cakes back into the pan and back into the oven for 25- 30 minutes.

12) Once finished, pull the now hard cakes from the oven to cool. The texture should be hard and crunchy, somewhat like an italian biscotti.

11) While the cakes are cooling work on the shell.

The Shell

1) Toast the sesame seeds in a pan over medium heat, stirring constantly. You want them to get a bit of color but not too brown/burnt. Remove and set aside the seeds for later use.

2) Using the same pan, pour in the honey and heat the honey until it starts to bubble. Let boil/simmer at a medium/medium-low for 4-5 minutes, being careful not to let it burn. Optionally you may add the wine at this time.

3) Add the toasted sesame seeds to the honey, lower the heat and stir. Insure that ingredients are completely mixed. Heat the mixture for 2-3 minutes more, beware of scorching. Take a small amount and drop in a glass of water, it should stay in a ball, if it spreads out it still needs to be heated.

4) Line a pan with slightly greased (sesame or olive oil) parchment paper and pour the sesame mixture on top. Use a flat implement to spread the mixture into a thin and even layer.

Combining the Cake and Shell

1) Allow the shell to cool. The mixture should be cool enough to touch while still being pliable. BE CAREFUL.

2) Acting quickly, remove or cut free strips of the shell and wrap these around the cakes, pressing to insure adhesion.

3) Once all the cakes are wrapped, set aside to cool and fully harden.

4) Serve alongside wine and cheese.

Trakidaro aka Fresh Goat Cheese

The origins of cheesemaking in Korithia are credited to the now extinct forestfolk people known as the Awaxi. Among the cheeses made by the Awaxi would have been one similar to this, a simple and unaged goat cheese.

Families and temples across Korithia make cheese like this typically on a weekly basis. In order to preserve the cheese, it can be kept in a brine. As has been previously mentioned, cattle are rare in the south and, as a result, the majority of the cheese which is produced in places like Obfunema comes from sheep or goats.

Arkoteki cheese differs from mainland cheese in its preference for citrus as the acid of choice in separating the curds over vinegar. This particular recipe is a mixture of vinegar and citrus (rilogabo).

A number of different seasonings and flavor enhancers can be added to the cheese in order to increase its complexity. While the cheese is typically eaten by itself, it can also be stuffed into fruits or mixed with nuts or spread on breads or cakes.

The Recipe

1/2 Gallon of Whole Goats Milk

1 Pinch of Sea Salt

1 Tablespoon of Red Wine Vinegar

1 Tablespoon Rilogabo Juice (substitute 1:1 Orange and Lemon juice)

1 Sprig of Fresh Rosemary

Olive oil to serve

1) Fill a pot with milk. Stir in a pinch of salt. Heat over medium heat until milk registers around 87C/190F, do not allow to boil. Look for slight foaming on the surface, when the temperature has been reached, add the vinegar and rilogabo juice, the curds will begin to form immediately, stir to fully incorporate vinegar without breaking curds. Stop.

2) Take the pot off of the heat and cover, allow it to sit for 15 minutes.

3) Using cheesecloth, a fine mesh strainer or both, separate the curds from the whey. Allow the curds to cool and drain off excess liquid.

4) Once cool and firm enough to handle, wrap the curds in an absorbent material (Paper towel or a clean cloth should work).

5) Place a weighted item, like a pot, over the curds, allowing the weight to compress and remove excess liquid.

6) Let sit 15 minutes.

10) Remove the pot and carefully unwrap the cheese. The cheese will be soft and crumbly.

11) Add an additional pinch of salt and fresh rosemary leaves (to taste). Carefully fold to incorporate both into the cheese.

12) Tightly rewrap the cheese and place in a cold place (the fridge) for at least 30 minutes.

13) Unwrap and serve with a drizzle of olive oil.

Ewisasi aka Olives

The Ewasi or olive is in many ways the center of Korithian cuisine, as it is also in Baalkes and Knosh. Olive oil is used regularly, and the olive fruit is consumed at all meals of the day, including dessert. Olives are cured via the use of water, vinegar, brine, or dry salt in order to remove their innate bitterness and to make them edible. There are hundreds of varieties of olive in Korithia alone, with the island of Obfunema having six distinct cultivars. The island is known in particular for two varieties of olive, the karubo, which is red-fleshed and very meaty, typically cured in a mixture of vinegar and fish sauce, and the fokadiki, a very small green olive, which is famed for its crisp and almost fruit-like flavor.

Recipe

Take your favorite olives, put them in a bowl. Optionally add vinegar, olive oil, and herbs.

Hogabo aka Dates

The Date Palm was introduced to the southern islands by Knoshic traders while the Arkodian Kingdom was still intact. The plant and thus fruit never gained much popularity on the mainland, where fruits like the fig reigned supreme. However, the comparatively arid climate of the south was perfect for date cultivation, and it quickly became a staple of the southern diet. Many of the feral palms now growing on the island of Obfunema descend from groves planted by the ancient Arkodians.

Dates are eaten by themselves as a snack, can be used to make sweeteners, or can be used as ingredients in larger dishes. Dates and olives are almost always eaten together, to the point that some superstitious folk believe that it is bad luck to eat one without the other.

The spitting of date pits has become a popular game among both Arkoteki children and adults. Spitting a date put at the feet of another has become a peculiar manner of expressing romantic interest in that person. However, one should take care that the pit does not hit the person in question, as this is invariably a sign that the pairing will fail.

Recipe

Pit (or don't) and serve.

Wumos aka Wine

Wine in Korithia predates both the Korithians and the Arkodians, and has already been developed by several cultures on the islands, including the Awaxi mentioned earlier.

Wine is one of the most commonly consumed beverages, only surpassed by water, and slightly more common than psamarla, a Korithian version of unfiltered beer (psamarla is not typically consumed by the Arkoteki, instead they prefer a mead-like drink called riwimi).

Wine has many social, religious, and economic uses and is essential in the trade of plantbrew, making up the basis of many kinds of potions. There are many varieties of wine, with some being viewed as better or worse than others. Red wine is typically preferred for later in the day as it is believed that it helps to induce sleep, while white wine is preferred for the morning and afternoon. Arkoteki are known to mix red and white wines, particularly around midday, a practice which is seen as distasteful by other Korithians.  Wine is typically watered down at a ratio of 2 parts water to 1 part wine. Unwatered wine is saved for special occasions and certain religious ceremonies in which intoxication is the goal. Wine may be sweetened with honey, dates, figs, or various fruit juices. Herbs and spices such as black pepper, tisparos, coriander, saffron, thyme, and even cannabis and opium and various magical herbs may be added to change the flavor of the wine and to promote other effects.

The Arkoteki typically favor sweet wines and will gladly add honey or date syrup in order to sweeten a wine to an acceptable level. Compared to the north, they tend to avoid the addition of herbs and spices to their wine, and are particularly opposed to the practice of adding salt to their wine.

Recipe

Pick a wine that you like and put it in a glass or cup. You can water it down if you would like but I didn't because I am not Korithian and this was a special occasion. Penetinos prefers a red wine, even first thing in the morning. This particular glass was a merlot with a bit of honey added to up the sweetness (don't worry it was cheap).

Agh! I actually got this post done! Finally! If you were brave and dedicated enough to read through this whole thing, thank you! Let me know if you try any of these, most of these amounts are ultimately a matter of taste, and was based on guess work on my part, you can change things and experiment if you want.

Now we'll see if I get to 400 followers and we'll do this all over again with the food from another part of the Green Sea. Hopefully next time I can get it done in less than 6 months.

Thank you all again for following me, I've really enjoyed sharing my WIP with y'all and I'm hoping to do more! Also, Happy New Years!!!!

@illarian-rambling, @mk-writes-stuff, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @willtheweaver, @patternwelded-quill

@elsie-writes, @elizaellwrites, @the-ellia-west, @the-octic-scribe, @the-golden-comet

@finickyfelix, @theprissythumbelina, @autism-purgatory, @diabolical-blue , @tildeathiwillwrite

@katenewmanwrites, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @paeliae-occasionally, @melpomene-grey

@drchenquill, @marlowethelibrarian, @winterandwords, @phoenixradiant, @pluttskutt

@dyrewrites, @unrepentantcheeseaddict, @roach-pizza, @rivenantiqnerd, @pluppsauthor

@flaneurarbiter, @dezerex, @axl-ul, @surroundedbypearls

@treesandwords, @the-golden-comet

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

Christmas Cooking Headcanon Oneshot... Thing: Lewrivman

Gator Tillman x oc: Win Lewis x oc: Kirby Rivers

A little holiday thing for and inspired by: @jozstankovich happy holidays love!!! Little bit of Kirby angst but mostly fluff! Tagging @thecreelhouse as well since you've liked our kids so far! 🩵

• Win is never allowed in the kitchen alone. Ever.

• Gator IS allowed in there alone but almost never cooks "real" food by himself. He just doesn't care that much.

• Kirby is always allowed in the kitchen because he always makes them all something yummy.

• Kirby also has a very refined pallet. He can do that thing where he can taste something and tell you all the stuff that's in it.

• Win and Gator of course love to test this.

• Win has baked them cookies from her mom's recipe before. But she loses it after moving and gets up set. (Hi jozzy taking this one little thing from your thing that inspired me! 🩵)

• Her and Gator come home to a messy kitchen that day and a very upset Kirby.

• He's actually crying. And sniffling. His face all red. And he's coughing.

• Win wraps him up in a hug and asks what's wrong as Gator gets him one of his ice packs and lays it on his back.

• When they finally get him calm they ask what happened.

• Kirby sniffles through telling them he was trying to recreate Win's mom's cookies from the year before. He remembers how they taste.

• But he'd gotten a cold a few days earlier and he couldn't taste very well. And about half way through cooking he got hot. And his nose got even stuffier and he couldn't taste AT ALL. and it just. Set him off.

• Anytime he can't breathe he gets agitated. It's a huge thing for him. Being able to smell and taste. And it sends him into overstimulation really quickly.

• The whole time he's talking Win just keeps melting closer to him. Cuz he didn't have to do all that.

• Gator's rubbing his back and smiling while shaking his head.

• Win's crawls carefully into Kirby's lap, she barley fits cuz they're nearly the same size. But she gets on there.

• And she just hugs him and hugs him and whispers thank you. And that she loves him. And they can try again, together, once he feels better.

• He just keeps sniffling. And they can tell he's feeling better emotionally. Even though all he says is a muttered "wanted it to be a suprise."

• Win gets off his lap and tells him to go lay down while she cleans up. Kirby tries to protest and she gives Gator a look and just says "take him."

• And Kirby is like "whoa! What? That sounded so aggress- what are you doing!?" The end of it almost a shriek as Gator scoops him up and tosses him over his shoulder like it's nothing.

• "Take some medicine with you!" Win calls over her shoulder as she's scoops up all his mixing bowls.

• Gator grabs it easily on his way, barely even pausing as Kirby squirms and protests.

• Once Win cleans the kitchen she goes into the bedroom to find Gator and Kirby in bed, Kirby's alseep, head on Gator's chest with Gator's hand in his hair. His ice pack resting on his back still. Water bottle tucked against Gator's side, like he'd been helping Kirby drink.

• "He feelin better?" Win asks, crawlin into bed with them. Gator nods, looking sleepy as he keeps his eyes on the tv. "He calmed down when i got him settled." Gator sighs as Win snuggles up with them.

• "He's too sweet for us ya know?" Gator muses, his fingers tangling with Win's as she rests against Gator's other side. She laughs, leans and kisses Kirby's forehead. He snuffles in his sleep, rubbing his cheek into Gator.

• "He's pretty amazing." She sighs, curls into her boys.

• "You know once he can taste again he's gonna get those cookies perfect right?" Gator says, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and sinking further into the matress.

• "Oh I'm counting it. Can't wait to taste my moms cookies again. They always taste better when someone else makes them." She sighs, her eyes closing, her lips curling into a smile as Kirby's hand reaches out in his sleep, fingers curling over both of hers and Gator's.

• Win blinks and looks at her boys one last time before falling asleep, Gator's hand still in Kirby's hair, soothing him as he snuggles closer again, humming into Gator's chest.

• Gator hums back, mimicking the pitch he'd heard, Win can tell he's almost alseep. Probably doesn't even know he's made the sound. Win smiles, tugs a blanket over them haphazardly, and let's herself drift off as well.

[tefifonconnoisseur]

Ian Lightfoot Vore - The Alldays and Onions Vore Incident - Part 1

This release on Tumblr is admittedly unexpected, but I’ve recently been very anxious about school ending for the semester, and anxiety gives me writer’s block. For the sake of holding true to my promise of two stories by the end of the year, this release was conjured to ensure that I can do that.

Part 1 contains chapters 1-4, while part 2 will contain 5-8. In terms of completion, chapter 5 has been completed and published, while chapters 6-8 have not been drafted. The second story for this year hasn’t been worked on, but it will be regular length so it won’t be an issue. This section takes us from the beginning to the actual voring. Chapters 5-8 are the antics that surround that.

Enjoy! Or don’t, just please don’t harass me. This story’s a bit of an experiment with my OCs, so don’t be too unkind lol. Vore is below the cut.

Alldays and Onions.

What a name, right?

Unlike most news organizations, they exist in every universe, were named after a super dead (sometimes) car manufacturer, and screw up almost every single interview and program by getting into dangerous situations. And who else but Aristotle Buttermilk, the 17 year old gullible journalist with a knack for escalating easily avoidable situations and ruining everything he touched. With CEO Carlene Fernsby acting as both a paternal figure and a being of chaos to the people of this company, they’re kinda like a chaotic family in a way. It might be more clear after you read the text, in which necessary details will be divulged, but it also might become more confusing.

Aristotle Buttermilk was their lead journalist and part-time reporter. A pixie-ish known for his yellow, fabric, star-shaped face and black eyes like a Mario star, he wasn’t as well known for his naïveté. Carlene Fernsby, his boss and guardian with a curly flat green wig and a powerful stance. An ambitious woman, she ruled over her kingdom with an iron fist and would crush anyone or anything (including brand-new Macintoshes) that stood between her and good media production. When she found Aristotle Buttermilk, he was but an outcast pixie variant, but she turned him into a news wizard. If he couldn’t find a story, odds are he’d unknowingly create one with the power of charming ignorance. With her other claim to fame being getting kicked out of a Crumbl Cookie place, she preferred the background, which meant leaving the clumsy Aristotle with only her texts to guide him. Aristotle

These versions of our characters exist in a world without regular humans, so they’re naturally borrowers or pixie variants. Borrowers in a world known for leaps and bounds regarding interspecies equality. New Mushroomton’s the town where both Alldays and Onions, A&O for short (I have to shorten that name or I will burn out my fingers), and the Lightfoot family reside. They’re having a normal day thus far. The home consists of widowed mother Laurel, her irrelevant sheriff boyfriend whose name nobody caught, extroverted RPG-loving older brother Barley, and introverted chess-loving younger brother Ian. Ian had just turned 16, but his birthday had been… interesting. From what A&O knew, an elf had done magic for the first time since ancient times, an event so monumental with no news attention. According to Carlene, said in her scratchy Toad-like voice,

“It’s the perfect opportunity to get us on the map again! We’ve GOT to find this kid and tape him. Extra points for a live demonstration of magic, but we have footage if we can only get an interview.”

Ian was the target of their journalistic prying. Perchance. It’s a scoop, that’s all. Sure, it’d be a massive deal in the historical community if true, and life would probably never be the same, but it’s just a typical Tuesday for Aristotle and his camera crew, even if it’s just a front. ESPECIALLY if it’s just a front.

Aristotle led the reporting team to an address sent by Carlene over the telephone. The text allegedly escorted our friends via Google Maps to the Lightfoot residence. It couldn’t quite be proven, sadly, with how impossible it was to navigate. They only drove around in the best news vehicle money could buy… 50 years ago: a 1973 Winnebago Chieftan with 300,000 miles, an LS swap, and a kitchen which had a semi-working fridge and non-working everything else. Aristotle cannot drive, so his cameraman was behind the boat’s massive nautical wheel and struggled to make basic turns and get up to 50MPH. At least the couches and the mattress in back were comfortable. Not refurbished, but not holey. Pink and lush, but faded as well. This was going to be a fun afternoon of interviewing some random kid, wasn’t it?

We stop this chapter as the news van heads toward their interview candidate, Ian, who they were told was home alone on a cancelled day of school while his brother hung out with friends. How Carlene Fernsby found that out, they’d prefer not to know. Why are we stopping? Well, because the description of characters and the situation before the drama is exposition, merely establishment. The next chapter, though, is when things start to make this afternoon a real ball. What you’ll find out later in the story, through disaster, is that throwing two socially awkward teenagers of drastically different sizes and giving them instructions for cool shots without the use of green screen doesn’t end well.

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**SQUEEEEEEEEK**

The sound of brakes on their last legs squealing as they struggle to stop this borderline couch tank rang throughout the neighborhood, outside the mandatory borrower path to the Lightfoot residence. As this path had previously never been used, it was about as clean as a good shaven head, or at least compared to the well-worn sidewalk for non-tinies. Inside the Winnebago, Aristotle squeezed on to the armrests of the passenger seat, sweating. Actually, that’s not honest. EVERYONE was sweating.

As the engine ceased with the turn of the key, our team scampered down the stairs and to the storage compartments on the side to throw together their equipment and prepare for the interview. Cameras had lenses twisted on and tripods attached like they were unscrewing a can of soup. Microphones were hastily mounted onto ill-fastened belts. Now was the time for the most panic (or at least it would seem). Carlene, infamous for not disclosing specifics she knew all along, had told them the address and that he was home alone. Nothing else. Was he expecting this interview or were they just gonna talk to him out of the blue? This Ian Lightfoot…was he going to treat them like guests or nuisances? Was he boisterous or reserved? All are questions that should’ve been answered, but couldn’t be. They were meant to be here an hour ago in order to get enough time, but Aristotle was mistakenly given the task of passing onto the driver the directions.

Once they slapped together something that could be mistaken for a functional news screw, they slogged up the sidewalk to the borrower steps. Clearly, this home was built after 1970, when this stuff became required on new construction. With a sweaty fist, the beloved Aristotle Buttermilk pounded on the cat door. It was technically a borrower door, but certain architects got away with adding handles to cat doors and making them akin to garage doors.

It was a cheaply built suburb, too, wasn’t it? Aristotle thought to himself as he awaited a response. Seconds felt like minutes as they anxiously watched the door for a sign of movement. After they were about to just cut their losses, the door shimmied as the person on the other side struggled to use an unused door. Aristotle adjusted his watch strap unnecessarily. The lead cameraman and driver, the failed entertainer Pelvis Resley, silently cursed the sky for not letting the Winnebago’s engine, running on welding jobs and prayers, implode on the drive there. The door slid upward, and a soft blue face appeared. Adorned with light freckles and framed on the side by ears and on bottom by hands indicating that the guy was on his hands and knees to look at our friends, his eyebrows tilted and the face tilted to the side to look at Aristotle like his top hat was a boot.

“C-can I help you guys?” The assumed Ian inquired. So he doesn’t know. That’s two questions answered.

“Uh, um, hi! I’m Aristotle Buttermilk, and we’re here representing Alldays and Onions,” Aristotle shakily replied. “We were… wanting… to interview you regarding the, um, magic you did last weekend.”

The 16 year old froze in contemplation. One can assume what he’s thinking about. While they’re waiting, Wresley pulls out his phone and dials someone, putting his phone up to his ear.

“Is this legal? We should probably ask my family first,” he wondered.

Suddenly, everyone else froze as Pelvis put his phone on speaker and the somewhat annoyed voice of Carlene Fernsby appeared from the phone’s speaker.

“Looking into it, in this jurisdiction, assuming both parties are 16 years or older, it’s a case of both parties agreeing to terms and doing an interview.” She explained to the group. “But just let them know, if they get worried, they can contact us. So what do you say?”

Oh joy. Carlene Fersnby’s now on the line. Pelvis was unaware of the unspoken rule of interviews, a rule which would come back to bite them later: during an interview, do not call Carlene Fernsby, and if you have to, she picks up and doesn’t scream at you, NEVER put it on speaker. No matter how much it sucks not getting information instantly and getting things wrong and getting lectured, no matter how confused one could be, what he did was get Fernsby directly involved with the interviewing process, and when Carlene gets the opportunity to control this process, she milks the interview for everything she can, taking Aristotle’s job of mucking up interview situations. A monumental mistake like this was going to screw them up unless Ian, of course, didn’t consent to be interviewed. He was their lifeline. But luck had been on their side for far too long, as when Ian spoke, everything came crashing down.

“I guess so. Come on in and have a seat.”

—————————————————————————

(Quick author’s note: I think you could’ve gotten away without major spoilers from this movie, but this chapter is definitely more oriented around major spoilers, so if you don’t want spoiled, you might wanna wait for Chapter 4)

Interviewing creatures at sizes society had normalized always proved somewhat difficult to tape (they weren’t broadcasted live on a regular day) Our hostages sat on a kitchen counter, a camera pointed at Buttermilk, sitting on a tiny lawn chair near back of a counter, and another at Lightfoot on a stool. Ian, despite being quiet, easily dominated Aristotle’s handheld microphone, so he didn’t need his own. It was reverberated some, but they didn’t have many options. Everything was in place. All that was needed was to record.

Beep. The intro segment would be dealt with live, so he cut to the part where he came in.

“Aristotle Buttermilk reporting, I’m here with one Ian Lightfoot, a local teenager who performed magic for the first time in centuries. We’re coming in for an interview, how are you?” Aristotle read verbatim from the teleprompter. To his credit, he was good at reading aloud.

“Um, I’m doing fine. You?”

“I’m doing just fine. Now,-“

Carlene on the other end recognized a dissatisfactory tone, but her patience was enough to at least keep a kind tone in front of a guest. “Aristotle, your tone was not quite Alldays-quality sweet enough. Could you read it again, but with more energy and different phrasing?”

Aristotle understood what she REALLY meant. “I’ve been doing well, thank you. Now, how did you get into magic?”

Stupid question. Pelvis bit his lip, expecting Carlene to speak again. Thankfully, she was alright with it.

“Well, um, I was more forced into it. My father, um, left me his magic scepter as a gift for when I turned 16, and my brother Barley taught me some spells on a road trip.”

Aristotle had been trained in listening closely, recognizing details left vague, and drafting follow-up questions to dive deeper into a topic.

“A road trip. Sounds fun. Tell me more about it.” Aristotle replied, a bit too deadpan. Carlene took notice.

“Aristotle, tone.” Another eggshell had broken. They needed to be careful to avoid a meltdown at this point. Another take.

“A road trip, say? That sounds fun! Could you tell me a bit about the road trip?” The correct way to follow up that response.

“Well, it was also a bit of a force. I… uh, accidentally brought my father’s bottom half back to life, and we went to go conjure up his other half so we could talk to him, but the spell only lasted 24 hours, so we had to be quick. We took his van and went across town to find a gem to complete the spell. We had a roadblock in stopping at a tavern and accidentally shrinking my brother when I was trying to grow the gas canister. Then there was a dragon, and I had to fight it off, so I didn’t actually get to talk to my father, but it was alright. There was a sense of closure with the whole ordeal.”

“The Manticore’s Tavern? There was a bit of… restructuring… there lately, did you two have anything to do with it?” Aristotle asked, dodging the whole first aspect so Ian could deal with it for him.

Ian was a bit embarrassed about this one, his blue becoming a bit lighter. “Uh… yeah. I argued with her about a map and made her realize that she didn’t like turning it into a family restaurant, so she kicked everyone out and burnt the place down.”

Aristotle had actually been there at the tavern, and it had ruined an Uno tournament and pissed everyone right off. Aristotle was for some reason feeling somewhat responsible for picking a location with an unstable work environment. Of course, he was not about to divulge this information with a stranger, so it was time for a topic change. Or…

“Aristotle! You didn’t tell me the place burnt down! You told me the Uno tournament ended early!” Carlene shouted over the line.

“Oh, you were there? I don’t think I saw you that night. I’d’ve recognized you I think.” Ian added.

Aristotle blushed in the most cartoonish fashion imaginable. “Yes, I was. We were playing Uno when everyone got kicked out, then we smelled fire while we were waiting for a friend in the restroom, so we grabbed him and sat on the curb while the place burnt down. Overall not a great night for us, but it seems like it was worse for you guys.”

“I didn’t think so. It was a long night, and a lot of stressful things happened, but it ended on a bittersweet note. I didn’t meet my father, but Barley and I bonded quite a lot over it.”

Aristotle didn’t mean to start a conversation rather than an interview, but hey, podcasts were popular. Maybe audiences would like it, but for the sake of Carlene, they couldn’t be too casual.

“That’s wonderful. I’m glad to hear that. Now, about that magic, could you please demonstrate a little?”

“Um, I guess so.”

Ian went to go find the scepter, and during the time that they weren’t taping, Carlene became a bit more blunt.

“This interview is BOMBING! Aristotle, save the conversations for off tape. You’re there to get information first and foremost. Fun time is second. And God DAMMIT, Pelvis, I can’t see ANYTHING! KEEP YOUR STUPID PHONE POINTED AT THE SETUP SO I CAN SEE IT! AND DO YOU HAVE TO TWITCH LIKE A LITTLE YORKIE? KEEP STEADY, DAMMIT, STEADDDDYYY! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE SUCH A ******* TWIT!”

They hoped Ian heard none of the freakout as he turned the corner with a large tree branch. Or perhaps a scepter. He pointed it at a banana while a camera was whipped to the actionin. Ian whispered some Latin incantation, and a beam of light turned the yellow banana blue. And like it was a reality show, everyone clapped.

“Wonderful” Carlene faked a smile and eyed Aristotle, cueing his next words.

“Well, Ian, thanks for the interview, but I’m afraid we’re crunched for time, so thank you and have a nice week!”

As the recording ceased, everyone breathed in and out. Ian smiled and asked if there was anything else they wanted to do. Right before they could say no, Carlene Fernsby decided that enough was not enough, and that mistakes had to be made that would at the very least be recorded. Oh, no, to her she just wanted some cool shots and pictures, but everyone else knew that the former was more likely.

“Actually, we’d like to take a few pictures for the newspaper, if that’s alright.”

—————————————————————————-

Camera shots weren’t the only shots that were going to be taken.

While Pelvis was busy unscrewing the bottom of a cheap hairbrush that was quite obviously a flask, the crew member previously in charge of sound recording was now pointing Pelvis’ phone camera toward Ian and Aristotle standing in front of him. Aristotle stood idly, waiting for instruction, while Ian sat with his head on his fist, evidently feeling the same way as the rest of the crew now. The interview had strangely gone well, but this photoshoot was giving more time for Aristotle to unwitting slip into disaster, literally or not, and everyone but Ian knew it. Now, what shots could Carlene possibly need?

A few clickbait thumbnails. Yep. Alldays and Onions were known for publishing on several clickbaity news channels to get attention towards their headlines. Trashy, but tolerable. Ms. Fernsby decided what shots went, so she probably trusted that Aristotle wouldn’t get into too much trouble. But she should’ve known better.

The first shot was mundane: magic. She did her very best to pose Ian without him actually seeing her, but that’s admittedly difficult.

“Arm up. No, left. Now put the right one down. Not ALL the way down, back to where your had it! Now chin down. DOWN. A little bit less. Good. Arms, Ian, arms. Put your legs a bit more together so you aren’t wobbling. Okay, make sure one’s still back. Ian, why did your arm move? Thank you. Now do NOT move. I said DON’T MOVE.” Ian’s mood became more anxious after this one.

With the click of the shutter, the simplest shots were done.

“That didn’t seem simple, Carlene” Pelvis muttered.

Carlene retorted, “it’s not about how we get the shot, it’s about how many components are together and how steady or not they are together. Don’t mutter trash like that if you’re not taking the pictures, Pelvis.”

Pelvis was irritated, but he couldn’t say anything more since it was time for shot 2. Carlene had found that people liked it when interviews with “giants” and “tinies” had tacky thumbnails that reflected the size difference. These shots all involved Ian holding Aristotle. People holding people that much smaller than them was considered a threat amongst strangers, and only two very close would do something like that. Socially, this was something the two of them didn’t really feel comfortable doing when they’d barely met, but they’d both figured out that objections would lead to trouble. So, despite any objections, Ian slowly laid his hand on the table for Aristotle.

Aristotle stood there. Despite knowing he had to do this, and the fact that he wanted to, his brain refused to fire the neurons necessary to get the legs to move. He couldn’t get himself to get onto the blue gargantuan palm, so the two sat in limbo, waiting. The only thing that got his ADHD brain to actually work was Carlene yelling at him to move his rear quarters. So Aristotle stumbled onto Ian’s palm and was slowly elevated to eye level, Ian’s digits cupped to act as a protective sort of railing to keep him from falling. Aristotle yelped as he looked up to see the blue face towards him, Ian’s curious seas of black known as pupils focused onto him like a camera lens. Aristotle knew he was smaller than a pixie, and probably smaller than Barley when he was shrunk, with what that look reflected. Now he was at Ian’s mercy, and thankfully, Ian had proved himself to be kind so far.

The second shot was similiar to how the two were positioned at the moment, except Ian had to flatten his hand, and had to kneel so that the camera operator could get a decent angle. Flashes and clicks went off as Aristotle felt like his every detail was being analyzed by the somewhat-shifting eyes. He felt like he was now being silently interviewed, and any sign of weakness would be amplified tenfold, so he somewhat blushed.

Carlene, of course, took notice. She hoped their editors could edit out that blush, and erase any idea in the audience’s heads that this could be romantic before it could be planted. Aristotle was aroace; she would be terrified for him if any fangirl or fanboy was convinced otherwise and saw him as available, or worse, taken. It was certainly rough love she expressed, but she did care about him.

Details not quite necessary aside, it was time for the third shot. Carlene had never attempted this sort of shot before, had never seen anyone do it before, but she had convinced herself that it would make for a killer photo. This shot was decently dangerous, forbidden in good culture, and would require utmost precision to minimize time and leeway for disaster. The shot was: Aristotle Buttermilk lying in a relaxed position inside Ian’s mouth.

I’ll pause for a moment so you can take that in properly…

Obviously, eating people alive was considered taboo, nobody should be eating ANYTHING alive. But to even TEASE it, in the minds of many, was more than enough to cause outrage, outrage that entailed protests and anger. But Carlene, clever, calculated, and cunning, came up with this scheme. Outrage meant people would angrily indulge in them, giving them cash inflow. Any publicity is good publicity, right?

Aristotle was quick to object. This was so far out of his comfort zone, he might as well be at Point Nemo in comparison. Desperate to not have to do it, to step into the maw of a new friend and pose like he was the king of that land, to have to trudge on slimy, silky tongue and risk even worse, he first fished for excuses. They were running short on time, the censors would block it anyway, it could rub badly on him or Ian rather than the company. Even Ian chimed in, saying he didn’t want to have to hold such restraint and control for a measly shot. Pelvis muttered, tired,

“Can we just once NOT do something stupid during an interview that has the capability of disaster and chaos?”

Unfortunately, that simple objection erased Aristotle’s and Ian’s progress in changing her mind.

“Pelvis, just this once is once too much because once they once they’ll wanna once once more. Sure, it has the capability, but I have faith that Ian and Aristotle can handle a 5 second shot. Besides, we can blame Francine for this one since we’re using her camera.” Her voice, while tinny from phone speakers, conveyed what everyone else dreaded: they had to do this shot.

“Ugh, just one shot and then we can go home. Let’s get this done before Carlene’s patience wears thin again.” Pelvis moaned, deciding for the other two. Like any normal person, Pelvis did not want to be yelled at again today. It was too early in the week for her shrieking and stomping twice in a day.

“Welp, let’s go ahead and do this,” Ian sighed. Over the hump of hesitation, Ian’s arm muscles sprouted and he panned his hand closer to his lips, carefully and gently, until the back of his hand slightly tilted and made contact with his chin. Then, with a satisfying pop, his jaw lowered, opening for Aristotle to clamber inside.

Immediately, Aristotle’s mind was swirled around with how many obscured details had just been exposed to the lenses of his eyeballs. Massive, pearly teeth, crooked, held so much metaphoric weight, like armor that protected the fleshy knight inside. Healthy tongue with tiny saliva strands glistening with what little light could peek inside. And a rush of warmth struck him in the nerves with minty overtones as his breath twirled around him. This was overstimulating our friend very quickly, and so he froze solid, the warm breath failing to melt away his apprehension-driven paralysis. Just like earlier, his mind only half committed to the bit.

“Aristotle Buttermilk? Earth to Buttermilk,” Carlene shouted, “I don’t know why this is happening again, but if you’re wanting to get home before dark, you had best get your legs moving, and moving NOW.”

The word NOW was what finally scraped away the bond between Aristotle’s feet and the palm beneath them. Slowly, as to not get himself cut, he strolled over to the entrance and lifted one leg up over the rectangular daggers. Then, with gloved hands using said daggers as support, the other leg made it’s way in too. Now he was on the squishy, moist muscle that he had longed to dodge.

The place sucked. Now, Ian’s throat had risen into view, revealing the depths of the body, the beauty of the mortal vessel, and the consequences for error at this point in the game. Inside the mouth of the giant, one must take the utmost precaution to avoid becoming a snack. That meant obedience to the puppet master, and despite Aristotle the elephant being in the entrance to Ian’s internal circus tent, Carlene was still ringleader here.

For the first photo, Aristotle positioned his arms on the teeth like they were a railing, flopping over them, and his knees bending him forward into a relaxed poses where he was using them as support. Quickly, Ian’s mouth was becoming dry with the constant air settling in, which prompted involuntary saliva production, some squirting onto Aristotle. This made Pelvis wheeze, but Aristotle just wiped it off.

Up on the housetop, click click click.

“Let’s try another pose, a bit more in center of the tongue.” Carlene suggested without a choice

With the precision of a Swiss watch, Aristotle shuffled his feet to the center, where a new saliva puddle had just formed. Now, Aristotle laid down on his side, a knee propped up and a hand upon it, and his other arm helping to support his core. It’s a common pose, but effective, and the lack of objection from the clicking noises meant that it was effective here too.

“That’s good enough. Get out of there” were the words everyone had been yearning for, and Carlene finally delivered them.

Now, Aristotle tried slowly to stand, but slid around some. His spine somewhat tingled with anxiety, but he was still fine. With his arms haunched to keep him stable, he attempted to take a step back towards light. Sadly, he borderline moonwalked and ended up farther back than was safe. He tried again, more panicked now, to escape. Luck with slippery surfaces, however, was not a possession of his. Like a complete clown, he slipped backwards and fell backwards just enough to get over the second hump the tongue formed. It also formed a slippery slide, as he accelerated backwards towards Ian’s dark throat. Aristotle clenched his eyes shut and held his breath, untrained but ready. Quickly, he passed the threshold, and Ian’s body gave him no choice. Sputtering and coughing some, the throat became desperate, something had to give, and there was only one possible recourse.

Down through the chimney with good St. Nick.

A sickening gulp emminated from Ian’s neck, and all that could cease, ceased.

—————————————————————————-

[luciddreamingcrow]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100 FOLLOWERS!!!!! + Match up event!

A/n: before I start rambling on and on I want to give out a quick thank you to the following individuals that inspired me to start writing fanfiction!!! : @kalopses-sonderes @fatuismooches @dreams-and-drabbles and @timerifts-and-timelines !!!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG ok ok today I woke up to somebody following me and I decided to check my followers count and AAAAAAAAAA We hit 100 followers! I can't thank everybody enough for this achievement! I started out with the expectations that I would write a fanfic or two and just drop it, but I'm so glad I kept on writing because this is one of the best things that happened to me!

Besides meeting my irl best friend

But once again I can't thank everybody enough! Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement to make more! Writing has become a important thing in my everyday life and I'm so grateful to have hit this milestone!

Also I've decided whenever we will hit a mile stone I would host a match up event and I would reveal 1 of my oc's also a hint of the next oc that will be revealed in the next mile stone!

Rules for the macth up event!

You can ask for a match up for the following fandoms!

Genshin impact, Cookie run kingdom/ovenbreack, the arcana.

Your request must include: the fandom u are submitting for and if I'd like to be matched with a male/female/ non-binary character!

Your request may include for example: your zodiac sign, your personality type ( ex: Infj, Infp), hobbies, personality,

The request will be answered in the 14 of February^^

Ok starting off with my cookie run oc(and self insert) Cyan coral cookie!

Cyan coral cookie is a temple maiden that serves the White Pearl Temple owned by the Oyster family. There's a saying that if you offer beautiful white pearls to the Black Pearl islands waters, the waves that travel to the cream republics shore would stay as calm as if oil had replaced the water for a while. So every full moon the temple maiden has to sail her way to the dangerous Black Pearl islands and give out the offering,

but one night as Cyan coral cookie held her bell filed with mesmerising white pearls above the water, she could barley make out a strange figure underneath the water, after offering the peals and started sailing back home she could feel another presence, a strange presence but one that meant no harm, a month would have passed since the incident and once again she found herself into the gloomy islands but this time she saw her, a beautiful mermaid waiting for something or someone, sitting in a boat that has been ruined a long ago, dominated by the waters fauna and the boats coloring has been lost through time. Let alone the scenery could make Cyan coral cookie tear up and couldn't help but admire her while being illuminated by the moonlight.

Ref sheet of Cyan coral cookie :D

Hint of the oc that will be relived in the next milestone:

Sesame seed dragon cookie

Long ago before Yagorta was built, the dessert was Sesame seed dragon cookie's playground, bringing destruction and sandstoms on each corner they found, but some cookies manged to turn the destructive dragon to stone with a devise that they found in longan dragons domain, and so to trap the now "dead" dragon they build a underground labyrinth in case the dragon would wake up from its stone form and seek revenge.

Once again thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you everybody that started following me for my content and I promise in the future I'll make sure to make more quality content in the future!

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

It's blorbsday! Please assign a comfort food to as many characters as you'd like (if your oc was a comfort food what would they be)

HELLO SLEEPY!

I am back from my hermit months, and I have lots of wonderful asks piled up in my ask-box. I will try my best to answer one per day. Thank you so much for sending them all despite my prolonged absence <3

Comfort foods for everyone!

WSBF cast:

Heshi would enjoy most sweets, but I think their favorite food would be some dish that their mothers cooked, I imagine an equivalent of plov.

Uncle God will claim to his grave that he enjoys nothing more than human hearts (cruelty-free, garden-grown). He will also sell his soul for Heshi's baking, especially pies.

Rukard's original favorite food is a sort of barley broth that his dad cooked, but I think once he's introduced to Heshi's baking his priorities are rearranged.

Broken Blessings cast (who are these people? I swear I'll make an intro soon but for now it's just their names and comfort foods):

Crow likes mushroom soup, one of the few dishes her sibling can make

Weed is fond of carrots and little snacks they can nibble on

Sleepy (I stole your name for a blorbo but it fits so well-) enjoys most of all snacks that can go with tea, cookies and finger pies and such. His favorite comfort tea is chamomile.

Hey likes honey pies

Dusty, once acquainted with the concept of food, enjoys most of all dumplings that Hey knows how to cook

Charlie likes raisins. Just straight up raisins. The texture counts as a good sensory thing

Star's comfort food is cinnamon cookies

[the-witching-ash]

☃️ + Richie

Winter Themed Ask Game

Send me ☃️ + an OC and I'll tell you

Favourite winter drink & food: Hot Chocolate (his recipe) + and gingerbread cookies

Favourite winter movie: The Santa Clause

Favourite winter activity: Ice Skating!

Favourite TV Show: Doctor Who (Classic series and the 2005 revival.)

Comfort Movie: Jurassic Park

Favourite candle scent: anything with pine

Favourite song & album:

Song: Your Song, Elton John

Album - no clue 🥺

Your favourite or dream au for them: barley counts as an au but Gilmore Twins crossover(s) 🥺🥺

Their love language: Acts of Service

[staarbles]

my littol funky toonkind baker pam de sol doodles!! from funky outfits to adult pam doobles, bc its been a long while since ive posted arts abt her on here hdnnbxmx

feat. my other toonkind ocs daydreamer and barley! (in his pajamas)

[phantombl3u]

do you remember him? i dont

[bonsiii-art]

hi i just wanna say.. i cant stop thinking about that barley u drew.. u drew him so well.. thank u again 🥺 ur one of the few artists i like. look up to so it gave me whiplash lol. please keep drawing i love seeing it and it makes me more confident to draw whatever i want - phantombl3u

funny you say that because i look up to you because your art is badass. like when i see your icon among likes on one of my posts, im like Ive been noticed :DDD

Draw what you makes you happy and let the other people waste time getting mad while you have fun! Thank you!! ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

[silver-queen]

I drew a little barley :)

Happy (late) birthday, @phantombl3u!

[theniceprincess-tnp-reboot]

I

I lost impulse control

Have @phantombl3u‘s boi Barley

[idk-cookie-run-blog]

Rat Boy

One sketchy Barley Cookie for the amazing @phantombl3u !

[kalopses-sonderes]

Self aware millennial tree cookie with child male reader who is his fan in the ovenbreak and want him in the kingdom so millennial found away to the kingdom soon his post appear Millennial makes sure that reader get him on his fist pull and say to reader you don’t have to wait anymore little leaf I’m here now also millennial see reader as he was his son headcanons please

a/n: sorry this was so late! Hope you like it dear❤️

• millennial tree had other cookies help him to get him on ovenbreak, he was sleep so long he barley knows todays technology :(

• as that was going on, you pulled Pure vanilla! You always drew him next to your oc as ‘father son duo!’ • when millennial found our he was livid! • He knew pure vanilla was interested in you, but he didnt think he would go this far • But pure vanilla did this for a reason, if he came to your kingdom then it would speed the process of millennial tree coming to kingdom too!

• You were slowly leaving ovenbreak, starting to play kingdom more!

•Oneday your mailbox had a a cookie cutter! It looked weird but you didnt care

•you decided to use it and the cookie cutter was green and gold?!

•instead of seeing an oven and a witch you see the forest and green vines covering an area between two trees, so you pressed it and the vines retreated, giving access to see the mysterious cookie.

• it was Millennial tree cookie?! •His voice line was “Im here my little leaf..”

[cottoncandyjester]

Yandere ocs voice headcanons

Dunno just though this would be fun I’m sure you guys have your own voices in mind but here how it is

This contains: talk of sex, lot of characters, yandere talk

Theodore

Okay so you know yuki from fruits basket....

Make the tone louder and warmer and boom Theo

He has a very soothing voice like the type that you can hear talk for hours or fall asleep to

When annoyed or angry his voice lowers in pitch and is strained from him trying to keep from shouting

He always keeps the same tone of voice usually it’s always sweet and calm and nice

He talks very very proper like he makes sure to always sound like a gentleman

When he’s angry though he will absolutely say the word fuck or shit under his breath with a growl following it

Is the ceo of fake laughs

His fake laughs are always soft and short

His real laugh always has a shocked snort or him choking before bursting out laughing

He makes sure to cover his mouth and apologizes when he laughs cause he sees it as rude

Hikaru

Okay so as y’all know he has two sides

His stage persona voice is super sugary sweet

But don’t mistake that for hyper nope

Somehow no matter what he says it sounds like he’s smiling while talking

Never raises his voice but he does have his cracks of his real personality seeping through

With those he’ll clench his teeth

Like you know those people who speak with a fake laugh when they really wanna choke you

There are times where he has to pretend to be all cute and shy while on stage persona

His voice will get soft and sweet down to a shy little whisper

He hates doing this so there will be a slight annoyed tone in his voice that he tries to hide

When he’s pissed at you but he has to keep cool it always sounds kinda scary

“Hehe y/n my...sweet y/n, can we talk in private please sweetie?”

Normal hikaru’s voice is much deeper and cruder

Not quite bakugo tone but like just as crude and mean

Somehow always sounds like he’s one step from snarling out his words

Legit swears in every sentence

Kinda talks like a delinquent

Everything about him changes from posture to tone

He’s legit just a violent tsundere

Axis

Okay so..his voice is like ultimate sub energy

When he talks to anyone else besides you he is cheerful but also pretty normal

When it’s you..simp

You can hear the obsession in his voice. Its always sounds just absolutely happy and filled with joy

I always say that axis is like a happy puppy when he hears his darling is near

He bad mood instantly vanishes and he is just nearly squealing with joy

When he gets all bratty his cheeks puff all out and he lowers his tone making sure you know that he’s upset with you

As far as his whiny yandere side it sounds so desperate like he’s going to die if he doesn’t kiss you or hold you

I think I said this before but axis is the loudest so if you try to walk out the door or something he will scream and beg you not to go anywhere it sounds like it physically hurts to have you leave

He has a habit of hurting himself to get you to stay during these moments he would have a pathetic stutter

“I-I’m h-hurt! Y-you wouldn’t leave someone bleeding out all alone right? Right!?”

When he’s serious his tone shifts low

Not like mature low no it still has that youthful innocence but it sounds deadpan and soft like as if all feelings other than hate or anger vanished

During these moments he would say something like “stay away from my sweet perfect y/n...or I’ll kill you”

Salem

Yuri from yarichan bitch club

Okay though seriously something like him except more lower in pitch

He does slur his speech and I think I said this before but the more excited he gets the less English comes out of him

It goes from shaky toddler talking to barking and random garbled words and crazy laughing.

The only time he would talk “normal” is when he’s docile aka he’s high as hell or if he spends a large amount of time cuddles up to his darling

In that case his voice is soft though there is some stutters and crackling cause he’s not used to speaking normally

He also pauses a lot cause he’s not smart at all and words are hard

His manner of speaking is very toddler like

Words would be dumbed down and even nicknamed

Expect phrases such as “y-y/nnn, wuv wuv wuv! Ooowahhhh!” In a squealing happy tone

All in all his voice..is interesting

Prince

Prince is a fuck boy

So he sounds like a douche

Like to use the word babe and baby a lot

He honestly thinks he’s the shit so everything out his mouth comes off as cocky

His voice is kinda like those lead singers from boy bands that’s the best way I can describe it

Like those fake bad boys who are all like “yeah baby wanna smoke cigarettes in the parking lot of McDonald’s”

His voice squeaks A LOT though when nervous

Like he tries to keep his voice low and cool sounding but the moment darling flirts or gives him attention it’s just 📈📈📈

When flustered he talks in a high pitch flustered tone

It’s absolutely adorable

Takes him a while to bring it back down though

He likes to speak in Korean sometimes

It sounds so smooth when he does

He has such confidence it sounds like he’s in a kdrama or something

When things are getting steamy he likes to slow down his pacing of words and talk lower

He thinks it sounds sexy but it kinda sounds fake

It’s cause he doesn’t wanna admit that he’s a switch but whatever prince you do you boo

Prince laughing is amazing

You know Kuroo’s laugh?? Yeah take that and make it a tad bit higher and as a ton of hiccups and gasping for air and boom prince

This is why prince has a fake laugh

Like he’ll do a simple little heh. And that’s it

Yuki

Super hush

Barley a whisper

His voice is flat and cold

Very blunt

He mostly responds in grunts or sounds when in public with his darling

If he absolutely has to speak it’s a single word

Some would deem his voice boring and dull

He has very dry humor and this is the same with his tone of speaking

You will get simple responses from him

When he is with his darling just alone he is far more warm and sweet his voice is still barely above a whisper but it has a nice rumble to it

Even when he’s pissed it’s soft and calm sounding

He doesn’t like shouting cause loud sounds make him cry

That being said the only time he would get loud is when he cries

If something is hurting him he can’t take it for long

His voice cracks and he sounds whiny almost like he’s terrified

Just a shaky “s-stop!”

His breathing would get all intense and his words would come out as stutters as he tries to dial it back down to that soft calm tone probably adding his last response with a hush “please. Stop”

Not much to say about his voice though there is always amusement swinging within it whenever someone gets annoyed by his dry humor or antics

He can’t help but fight a smile as he tries to keep from laughing

Also! Yuki laugh is amazing

He has two different kinds he has his soft chuckles

And then his louder laughs which are still soft by normal standards but they are so filled with joy

So cute..

Rocket

Okay so even though rocket is a southern boy he will absolutely use his fake “bro” voice when meeting people you deem important cause he doesn’t wanna embarrass you

His worst fear is them seeing him as some southern loser

So his bro voice is very frat boy like

Typical college guy voice

Like stated before when flustered or angry his real voice seeps out

His real voice isn’t too deep or anything it’s very warm and happy

That southern accent though?! ✨Strong ✨

When he says darling you can feel that shit

Even him saying normal word it’s still strong as ever

It fits him so well though like his voice isn’t deep despite his height and build

When excited though he talks super fast

Another puppy boy

He is just so excited he can’t hold back his words so he’s talking a mile a minute

He just can’t stop!

His tone of voice very much shows how he feels

When sad his voice is soft and hushed down to a pouty whimper as he looks down shoulders slumped and posture just spilling out sadness

Same when he’s happy he is so perked up and just ✨happy✨

When he laughs it’s one of those loud happy laughs

Those laughs from deep in his chest

When he’s flustered or feeling submissive he has a very soft way of speaking that shows that he’s vulnerable at the moment

All around cute bara boy has cute voice

Rin

Twink

Just straight up a brat

Sounds like he could commit arson at any moment

He has this very cocky coy tone in his voice

Sounds kinda childish at times

He doesn’t take anything seriously so that’s to be expected honestly

His voice is quite high pitched yet smooth

When serious though his childish tone remains but it gets scarier and deadpan

“I’ll show you why you should never mess with me and my gang..”

He’s a person who grins when pissed so it’s hard to tell when he’s angry unless you hurt his darling

Ike if he’s tweaked off you won’t know

You won’t know any of his emotions honestly he kinda smiles though it all even if he’s depressed

When he loses that childish charm in his voice it’s usually when he’s having a breakdown

His voice sounds so weak and hurt and all his bottled up feeling explode

He’s a PFFFT laugher he usually laughs so hard his face turns red and he can’t breathe

As far as fake laughs it’s very cookie cutter just a few ha ha’s and that’s it.

When having..steamy times his voice lowers and that childish tone is there but it’s sadistic like he’s enjoying toying with you and breaking you

Zeke

The deepest voice out of all of them

Rich deep and sexy

Also a person with dry humor at times

Likes to respond with sounds as well

“Haaah?” “Hmmm..” “eh?” All those are acceptable

His voice rumbles in his chest

Put your hand on his chest while he’s talking and it’s like he’s purring

Very much likes using more slang terms

“If I were to rock your shit..would I be wrong?”

“Bitch do I look like boo-boo the fool to you?”

He grew up in a very cultured household so yeah he has different mannerisms of speaking unlike the others

He usually sounds bored or calm when he’s speaking to someone he doesn’t trust

Now his friends on the other hand this bitch hype

Constantly laughing, joking and grinning

He can’t stop being chaotic as hell

His tone is much louder as he’s more comfortable and he tends to use more swears and slang

When speaking in Spanish his voice is just as deep and he adores rolling his R’s every. Single. Time

As far as singing goes his voice is so smooth

Filled with soul and passion like he loves what he does

He has such a beautiful voice

Scarlett

Soft sweet and creepy

Hushed and very gentle

Her words are usually followed by a hush giggle

No matter how threatening she sounds there is always a sweet smile and giggle at the end

She likes the idea of toying with people so her voice always sounds so eel coming at first

Then her sadistic side kicks in and she’s stepping on you with her heel her voice drowning with pride

During those dom moments she can sound very degrading

Talking to you like you’re beneath her instead of an equal

But normally she is nothing short of kind

Even in yandere mode she never shouts or yells or does anything like that

It’s always calm collected and lightly frightening

Definite mother vibes

Just very nurturing

Yuuta

A deep voice member

Full delinquent

“Got something to fucking say to me?”

Aggressive as all hell

At least to strangers that is

To his darling or his twin it’s still lightly rough but also soft? I know confusing

He tries hard to keep that tough guy act up but when anxiety and everything hits he’s a mess

“E-eh!? W-why are you starin’ at me for!? G-go away!”

Hella paranoid all the time

During those anxious moments his stutters and tics are ranging in tone and pitch

He has various tics such as popping sounds, crude phrases like “no more daddy! Nope nope!” Or even “f-f-fucking c-cocks” and many others he can’t control these and they only come during panic attacks

Some of his other phrases are things he’s said as a child when his family would violate him so lot of them have the word stop and no in it

A “cute” one is if you were to say “whose a pretty boy” he would instantly reply “I’m a p-pretty b-boy!” Oddly enough that tic always makes him feel better and calm down

Anyways normal voice yuuta is tough boy

He scoffs a lot and plays this very dominating role

He likes to say nicknames like doll or angelface

Makes him feel tough

He usually tries to sound as sarcastic as humanly possible

But when he’s sad or vulnerable he whines so loud and is so clingy

“D-don’t leave me along! T-the monsters are g-gonna get me! Nooo! P-please!”

He’s like a scared child clinging to you sobbing and trying to jump in your arms just shaking

Yuuji

Also a twink voice

Except his has more sparkles in it

Kinda valley girl tone but not as annoying

Just a lot of “oh sweetie” and “honey no”

Super sugary sweet like so sweet and fake it could kill ya

Behind closed doors though

That sugary tone is the same just sadistic

“Oh sweetie, whose a sad little ball of trash? You are! Yes you are my little parasite!”

Talks in baby talk when degrading his darling and yuuta

They are beneath him in his eyes he’s god

So he should be treated as such

When pissed off his sweet tone stops and it’s pure disgust

“You bottom feeder, do you know who you’re fucking talking to?”

His pissed off voice would give you shivers from how cold it is

He can switch from angry to sweet and back again so fast like one minute he’s threatening to violate every hole you own and the next he’s like “I’m sorry! I’m being a big old meanie pants! Teehee let’s goooooo shoppinggg! Yayyy!”

Likes making his voice as cutesy as possible

Mostly cause when he switches to his more serious side the fear in their eyes is much more delicious

Ren

Y’all already know

Stutters every sentence

Can’t even form proper words without stuttering

Growls in anger when annoyed and sounds like he wants to rail you so hard you break

All around soft sweet voice

Whimpers every single time he speaks

When annoyed or gets more confidence his voice is soft but sharp

“You shouldn’t do that. Stop.”

Very short and quick like you better listen to him or else

His voice goes dead and his eyes show no mercy

He keeps his voice low and warm though

When happy he is just so warm and bright

Absolutely adorable

When ranting there are no stutters or anything he can talk for hours if you let him

Loud as fuck in bed though

Full on sobs and cries so loud the neighbors hear y’all

His voice cracks and squeaks as he pants heavily and tries not to pass out

All in all

Shy boi

[williamsacrackhead]

An Idea for Cookie Run: “Veggie Vale’s Vengeance”

I’ve just got out of the shower and I now have a ridiculously good idea for a new Explore section in Cookie Run: Kingdom.

(Note: most of the cookies described in this post will be my OCs)

The section, called Veggie Vale, is a quaint rural countryside that was originally the hometown of Carrot Cookie. However, the place has become overrun with parasitic Candy Flowers (like the ones in the Flower Shop) that have infected all of the folks who live there. The one who caused such things to happen was Carrot Cake Cookie (an OC of mine), one of the newest minions of Dark Enchantress Cookie. 

Carrot Cake Cookie is a master of tricks and puzzles, a magician who once ruled over a now disbanded circus called Haredini’s Amazing Sweets. Haredini was Carrot Cake’s stage name, of course, but the whole circus collapsed after a tragic fire killed almost everyone and ruined Carrot Cake’s reputation. Carrot Cake Cookie, along with two other cookies named Devil Food Cookie and Angel Food Cookie (both of which are my OCs), were the only ones who survived the fire, but they were all blamed for the fire happening in the first place because they were all part Cake Monster. 

Dark Enchantress Cookie, noting Carrot Cake Cookie’s uneasy mental state, offered a chance to bring him back into the spotlight. He took that offer, but unbeknownst to him, Carrot Cake Cookie would then be infected with the Candy Flower parasite that would evidentially bring the evil out from within him.

The Candy Flower parasites, as previously noted, feed off of the negative traits of Cookies and then permit those traits to become the sole personality of that Cookie. In Carrot Cake Cookie’s example, he acts as a prideful, scheming maniac that aims to infect every Cookie with the Candy Flowers. The other residents of Veggie Vale also have this applied to them, with the other residents being:

- Jalapeño Cookie 

- Cauliflower Cookie

- Turnip Cookie

- Spinach Cookie

- Zucchini Cookie

- Wheat Cookie

- Oat Cookie

- Barley Cookie

Gingerbrave and his friends help the residents by removing the parasitic Candy Flowers from them, but they run into some trouble with helping Carrot Cake Cookie. There’s a boss battle with him, but after it Carrot Cookie realizes why she kept on thinking that this Cookie was familiar.

In actuality, Carrot Cake Cookie is Carrot Cookie’s father. However, he left his family when Carrot Cookie was little to pursue a life of adventure in the circus when he grew frustrated with the life of a farmer. Carrot Cake Cookie promised Carrot Cookie that he was going to come back once he had enough money to buy the family a new place to live so that they didn’t have to labor around as farmers, but sadly he forgot about Carrot Cookie.

When the Candy Flower parasite is removed from Carrot Cake Cookie, however, he begins to remember who Carrot Cookie was and then breaks down in tears as he realizes how much of a horrible father he was. Carrot Cookie forgives him nonetheless, happy that she finally has her dad back after all these years. Of course, this wouldn’t sit well with Dark Enchantress Cookie, so she sends Licorice Cookie to turn Carrot Cake Cookie back over to the dark side (and then another boss battle ensues).

I hope y’all like this idea. I spent a lot of time on it :)