#Bad Guy(s) of the week
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hii happy pride month, have a little 'you're a dog (i'm your man)' chapter four snippet as an apology for radio silence <33
“Did I wake you?” Gale asks, glancing at John apologetically, but John looks up from his effort to avoid muddy puddles to shake his head. Gale supposes it’s a silly question; John sleeps like a rock, dead to disturbances made by anything other than his own brain.
“Just my sixth sense,” John says, shrugging and shooting him a small smile. Gale snorts.
“You got a radar for me?” He teases, and John smiles wider, eyes crinkling.
“Built in,” he answers matter–of–factly, raising a hand and making a fist over the center of his chest before dropping it, returning his vigilant gaze to the uneven ground. Gale stares for a moment longer, floored not for the first time by John’s apparent obliviousness to the weight of his sentimentality.
Even knowing John how he does, it’s always unexpected coming from someone who a stranger might assume to be brazen and surface–level; John’s loud mouth and wandering hands do him no favours in that regard.
But Gale does know John, like an extension of himself half the time, and still he manages to render him speechless. The way his heart flutters as the sentiment hangs in the air makes Gale want to reach down his throat and squeeze it until it never beats again.
#slow progress but progress#dog coded bucky fic#still sick unfortunately lol i thought i was lucky enough for it to just be a week thing but i forget i am chronically ill!#(read: i gaslight myself into thinking i'm normal sometimes)#i'm trying to get this chapter done before i reply to asks/post other stuff#bc i rly only have the mental capacity for one or the other at once atm :( but i miss you guys and being deranged here SO BAD. so so bad#thank u for the endlessly kind messages and your boundless patience oh my word <3 it rly is so reassuring mwah hugs#i rly do feel so bad for not replying to @s and messages tho i just have so little energy rn so i am conserving it :(#but i read them all whenever the migraine brainfog subsides enough to scroll and i smile and weep simultaneously <33#so if i have not replied to ur msg. i promise it is nothing personal i'm just a walking corpse and will get back to u when i can <3#and that's my boring author's life behind the scenes update JSKGD my bad y'all#buckbucky
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goodxnight guys~~~
#completely forgot that there was another lxl interview back from when the [redacted] anime had just finished airing lmao#it’s from the same feature in which the [redacted] anime director outright said that thing about mona lol#(as in: the ‘mona’s a popular character with a fleshed out backstory but she’s just hiyori’s therapist friend in this loloops’ thing)#i was in such an upset disbelief about it at the time that i completely forgot about the lxl interview man… 2k22 sure was *a* year huh#maybe i’ll get to this interview on either wednesday or this weekend… i need to prepare my lxl tling mindset for the album interview lol#(im still unsure if the magazine will ship lmfao it’s been processing for a g e s [read: 3 days] since i bought it lmao)#(either way i think itll only come in earliest by this weekend bc im still waiting for my nghy impulse purchase standees too)#(and even if it does come i wanna tl the kawaikute gomen vol 1 bonus manga first [if it actually arrives])#(women’s wrongs are always top priority yk~~~~?)#(though. haha… i think i’ll have the entire hw manga collection when my next batch of purchases come in… s o b s my storage space—)#(the dolce manga exist as just ebooks in my collection thoughhhh. the dolce manga is p much the perfect mix of crack and tragedy tbh)#(like. there are scenes with girisha and his *girisha-ness* b u t there are also scenes with fuuma and his heartbreaking backstory)#(re-reading my (frankly) bad tl of ‘happy’ (shiina chapter) doesn’t make me happy at all.)#(i should really get round to reworking it these days… like the fonts and such are *atrocious*)#b u t i digress anyway lxl old interview tl (maybe) coming soon this week depending on exhaustion levels sorry for clogging the dash gn guys
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amazing when the social worker at the DHS office says 'yeah I don't really understand it myself either'
#WHY is it so hard to figure out how to get psychiatric treatment salkdghsdghkl#anyway I've been playing phone tag for like a week#this is instilling soooo much confidence in the system /s#like don't get me wrong i am grateful that i have a chance at accessing treatment again but holy shit#can you guys get it together also explain your own system more clearly#i feel so bad for anyone who has worse symptoms than i do and/or was never taught how to navigate and advocate for themselves#how is any disabled person supposed to get treatment like this?
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(´･ᴗ･ ` )
#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show…#Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk.#Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die.#I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me.#I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time...#Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply.#Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it#(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author).#Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry.#Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative#“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging.#Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia.#The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.)#Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)–#bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them–#and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)–#stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?)#I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild).#But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking.#I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further…#But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views–#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything#That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry)#so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt.#Tune in next week for more bad takes#random rambles
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So. My ex came to visit me at work and bring me food. He got too drunk to drive so he's coming home with me. I'm at his place waiting in my car as he's getting his stuff together to spend the night. That situationship that dumped me just called me to tell me he really wants to hold me right now. I'm feeling sick to my stomach
#my ex had me over for dinner earlier this week and spent the night telling me how bad he wants us to get back together.#he told me he wants to marry me#i dont know what i want but now that the other guy just called i want to leave and be with him#even tho he was a piece of shit to me#and he played me#and he told me things he never followed through with...#i dont know what i want but here i am#still waiting for my ex to get back in my car#i dont want a relationship with him. not right now at least#im feeling....Something at the core of my being right now#s talks
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guys how do i motivate myself to finish games 🙁
#i need to finish re 1 and re 0 so bad and i wanna play them so bad but i can never get myself to#no theyre not bad games i actually really love them but i end up just watching yt vids or sleeping#its genuinely a problem i cany do anything anymore#diary of a dumbass#i literally finished village and 7 in 3 days#and i bought the origins collection 3 weeks ago now and im only 1/4th through bith game s#guys help 🙁
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Watching episode one of Voyager is like watching the first act of a horror movie
#also I completely forgot that Tom Paris was part of the Maquis - and that he was only IN it for like a week before getting caught#Tom saw Janeway action figure posing the second she met him and was like 'fuck I'm not gonna let her be cooler than me'#(she is - effortlessly)#they want him so badly to be a playboy bad guy but he's just...HEHEHE he's SO whatever#Quark what do you MEAN 'cash or credit' ???? do humans HAVE /cash/??? HEHEHEH#Tom saw Harry Kim and IMMEDIATELY is down so bad v_v#It's fun seeing some members of the original crew ~#'see you in a few weeks' OOF...........OOOOUUGHHHHH That hurts.......OOOUGH.#The Harry - Tom - Popular Guys subplot i s sooo highschool its crazy HEHEH#Tom thinks he's like the brooding bad boy but he's the nerdy girl who gets picked on until one day the popular guy says#'hey - leave Tom alone.' and smiles at him afterwards#'the ghost of those 3 dead officers came to me in the middle of the night and taught me the true meaning of christmas'#Harry (not well versed on by now ANCIENT childrens fables): ????what????#Tom Paris: It's a long story Harry and I'm tired of telling it.#Also Tom Paris two seconds later: IT ALL STARTED FRESHMAN YEAR.#I also forgot the Maquis ship went missing first and Starfleet was searching for debris...#how long has T'Pel thought her husband might be straight up dead?? How long has he been undercover? How long since they spoke???#(thinks about people whose loved ones died in episode one...thinks about them hearing that Voyager and some of its crew DID survive but#the person they loved did not - that there was never any chance of them returning)#Janeway's hair is so BRIGHT in this episode#'Harry - wait for me!' <- Tom in one line#I also love the creepy barn party 'don't look in there~! don't look in there~!' Voyager should have leaned way more into horror for REAL#Janeway's eyes widening when she sees Tuvok ~!! <3 she thought he could be dead!!! I wonder if she talked to T'Pel about it#Tuvok: (goes missing) Janeway: Don't worry T'Pel I'll bring him back to you if it's the last thing I d- (goes missing)#Caretaker after snatching up the Maquis: Starfleet has the chance to do something hilarious#Janeway (being stabbed): aa.. ..a!h...hh.. / Harry: (being stabbed) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#Chakotay looking to Tuvok like 'do we trust her?' and Tuvok being like absoluuuuuteeeely <3 go for it <3#Tuvok's voice is different~!!! It's quieter~!! Interesting~!! I love him <3#TUVOK YOU DID /NOT/ GET /CHANGED/ BEFORE MEETING THEM ON THE ARRAY HEHEHHEE#'She wanted to know if she had time to send it...I had to tell her no.' AAAAAAAAA.....AAAA
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hanae natsuki normal live vocals compilation
#for paralive live week<3 i had fun watching the stream and it made me Really wanna make this#hanae natsuki#dear vocalist#jet rat fury#natsume ryu#the cat's whiskers#tomoe hiyori#s#v#nacchan#eden#tcw#🎹#dedicated lovingly to the apparently existing deavo fandom on this website ? i did get my feelings just a LITTLE hurt by all of the current#vocalists making it to the idol showdown except reo and a' but dfsdfjkjs#i feel sooooo bad for cutting just after/before the nananana na yu ta bits omg my boy but the video is..#here on this blog somewhere i think...i'm sorry cozmez girls#also honestly feel bad singling him out in eden cause they all slay (this video is obvious yuuma propaganda)#(+if you listen with headphones you can hear junichi's lower 'shouuuumeeiiii niiiii' i NEVER noticed his lower vocals in this song before#watching this performance and it's soooooo good)#but it's also really funny to cut away from the eve duo **** antics to creature guy moments lmaooo#get jet rat furied gayboys
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i have so much rage contained for this one person and i feel so dumb about it because they are out there living their best life while i’m fantasizing about ways to shut them up
#i’ve never met someone so sexist and homophobic and media iliterate in my whole life#if ‘barbie is about hating men!!1!1!1’ was a real person (they said that unironically)#nah it ain’t that big of a deal i only see her once a week but she’s a TEACHER#🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢#please look for another line of work preferably somewhere you don’t have to share your opinion#plus she has the confidence of a man with no empathy like she’ll just spit out some garbage and look at everyone like i’m right ain’t i guys#i don’t even try to hide it bc wtf???? she just said drag queens are ped*s??? AND SHES IN THE CHRUCH???:!:!:!#i wanna say something back so bad but i’ll end up looking like i got a personal vendetta against her (i do)#and no one else says anything so far the most i’ve noticed is that when she’s starts rambling people will just tune out#i really wanna do that but i’m so curious about what she’ll spew this time 😭😭😭#this why i block people i be a hater and get mad by myself and say nothing
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You know what kills me?
TSA allows you to travel with lightsabers. Their rules recognize their existence, especially the Disney ones, and they have deemed them a non-threat...
But instead of being able to take that rule for what it is, I'm currently jumping through hoops to contact the different airports' TSAs I'll be going through for saber competition stuff and ask what their policies are just to... gauge how aware they are of their own rules... Because if you get stuck with an airport that doesn't know the rules, and you get a really power-trippy agent... You could get royally fucked over...
Which is stupid, that this is a factor I have to deal with figuring out how to travel with my lightsaber...
#considering going by the airport the week before to show them a saber in person#and get an in-person verdict#instead of explaining it to someone over the phone who... no joke... didn't know what a star wars lightsaber is#which was... hilarious to try to explain...#but anyways...#kinda frustrating that TSA's notorious incompetence is something I have to now plan around#this isn't a problem in orlando because of disney#and it wouldn't be bad if you could... at least... explain their rules to them without them getting powertrippy...#but they are SO notorious for being assholes about stuff#i have to figure out if i should just deal with the stress of the baggage guys possibly breaking my saber(s)#my rambles
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today i have ordered all the needles and syringes and alcohol pads i will need. and tomorrow i will be able to put my money forward for my order of testosterone.... and then its just a matter of waiting. waiting for it to get here and start...
#wyatt says#im going to have to do intramuscular injections aka apparently the ones like flu shots my mommy said#which SUCKS i hate getting shots but its not too bad to where i just wont be able to. and itll be once a week so..#i think ill live#esp since my mom said she would def help w the injection part of it all if i cant do it by myself. which is nice#pretty excited guys. this is huge. so close to s#sorry oops. so close to the beginning of it all... seeing where it takes me...
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So... It's officially been one year since I day I caught feelings for K.yohei!
#kinda crazy how fast time flies huh? feels like yesterday i was watching d.urarara for the first time and my heart would flutter every time#i saw him LMAO i fell so hard#and now he's my husband so- hehe! happy anniversary i guess!#i dont think i'll be doing anything for it just because i'm really busy and tired this week and my life is kinda falling apart#but!!! i will kiss him!!!! ill kiss him sooooo much!!!!#he's a romantic guy aksjqksn gives flowers and takes her to a fancy dinner and everything- it's freaking adorable! i love him so much#also good morning squad#oh also. i ordered a wayfinder necklace because (gestures towards wife) a while back and it'll be here in a week or a week and a halfish#i'm so excited! i need a w in my life so bad rn ajsjahsj i ordered a red one! just like the one aqua gives s/i!#also good morning by the way#shit i already said that#it's a little past 6am sorry- i'm tired#but also! good morning :D!#ash rambles 💚#and happy anniversary
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g o o d n i g h t .
#very incoherent rant about my week in the tags; sorry for incoherence i hit my head earlier so b s#im just. so d o n e with this week. 100000% done i say.#on monday i was late to work by 20 minutes and had to stay behind for half an hour to make up for it bc the app we use to clock in suuuucks#and i also found out that i lost $40 of my salary bc of said clocking in app which. suuuuuuuuuuucks#though. this week had a weirdly low number of samples. which was. kinda nice ig since i managed to finish all my work before 7pm… but still.#like we managed to finish our stuff so quickly that we managed to watch bee movie together on tuesday………#mmmmmm i don’t remember much about what happened on wednesday though…..#but yesterday. oh g o d . yesterday. thursday. whateverday. g o d.#so the software to operate one of the [lab equipment] machines kept crashing everytime we tried to print results#regardless of whether there were any samples being tested with said machine at the moment. which. y’know#sucks on its own. but it also means that the tested sample had to be reweighed and every sample that came after it had to be reentered again#which was a m a j o r pain in the behind.#so like. after i reran the sample post-first software crash… the boss’s favourite employee freakin’ remote-accessed the computer and#he did the results thing. and crashed the software. while a sample was being analysed. and the entire monitor!!! went!!!! dark!!!! when he!!#so. i ‘calmly’ and ‘rationally’ rushed out to the office area to give him a piece of my mind.#which. may or may not have involved screaming at him and slapping him. it’s too bad that i slapped him so loudly that our boss heard/saw it…#but. um. she didn’t call me out to screech at me in return. she sent him into the lab area to settle his thing himself in fact. so. hm.#i guess i’m able to keep my job for another week. maybe.#it didn’t stop my coworkers from making fun of me for slapping the guy though so b s#anyways ig i got my just desserts today bc i walked straight into the side of the door of an in-workplace bathroom stall at full force#and i think i bruised the side of my head… what goes around comes around ig……#idek what i’m even typing anymore i blame my head hurty for this#inedible blubbering
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I went and did my exam (very thoroughly), got home and sorted out my finances + ordered groceries (bc I finally have some fucking money to buy them with), & then planned to write a bit and then do some chores. But then I just conked out lmao
It's been... a rough few days. I probably needed the rest.
#speculation nation#i need to do the dishes and some laundry and put away groceries when they get here#but im just like. hhhhhmgn#i mean i gotta put cold stuff away either way but i wanted to clean my fridge out some. probs not gonna happe.#i was too tired to write. oh well#the exam went really well tho. i feel very strongly on it.#some guys let the exam lamenting about having no clue what abstraction is and i was just like#'? he mentioned it in class? i dont know what's so difficult about that'#and i made Sure to memorize this morning the essential components of server and client programs#essentially the 'Socket s = new Socket('ip'#AGH code doesnt work in here. ip then port number. also the stuff like InputStream instream = s.getInputStream();#PrintWriter out = new PrintWriter(outstream. true); out.println(in.nextLine); etc etc etc#all those pieces. some of which do not work well in tags.#he straight up told us we would have to write these components from memory so like. anyone who didnt study them. too bad for u i guess#i also studied up on GUI and the swing vs awt stuff. a bit. just in case. but it wasnt applicable.#doesnt hurt to know tho. he also told us if we needed more time on our lab that's ok. but i already got it done >:]#and spring break is next week. i feel like i have a weight of my shoulders.#both financially and with those few days of Hell#i mean things r still a lil tight financially speaking. but i got some more groceries (even if i had to be Picky about what i got)#but after my next paycheck things should be much better. and i will be more careful with my money... next time.#i dont wanna get down to the literal $5 i was at for like a Week again lol. that. sucked kind of a Lot whoops.#im working more and i have a tax return coming at some point. and THREE paychecks this month#i hate shorter months lmfao. less money in a month aka less money b4 rent and health insurance bills are due#i wont have to make the next one stretch for the 1st and thank God bc one paycheck is Not enough for rent and health insurance#im making things work. but man things sure have been rough in more ways than one.
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How many celebrities have died falling from balconies?????
#sham!s rambles#thats whats BILD saying btw so take it with a grian of salt i refuse to click on the article#i kinda feel bad for clowning on him for the past weeks now :(#31 is sooo young god im sick and i dont even really know that guy#actually cnn is saying that too
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feeling normal
#...infatuated with girls i meet after one week and like 3 conversations#also tonight met a guy and had one pleasent conversation and im like omg loml?#i should be like locked to a chain in the yard long enough thay i can go to my kennel for sleep or whatever#should not be unleashed out in the world#girl s older than me very nice we were takking ahout diy hormons and dnd#girl L in same course as me very excitable cute cries very easily#dude a talked about hoe he chose his name n how i ended up with my more used name#overall such a social night need to rest so bad#lots of people were very nice to me i was dressed as a plague doctor had the mask and a long leather coat n like lace top under#guy whos a friend of my friend waved so enthusiastically at me so nice so full of joy this girl shared all of her drinks with me sillies#its very nice to be majority trans and nuerodivergent people surrounding in real life like woah i actuslly love socialising silly#feeling joy n sillyness i love u mutuals i hope your doing well
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