#BUT my own critics aside I hope you liked this it took me like two hours maybe

[multi-fandom-simp]

Forever and always.. or maybe never.

Pairings: Aemond Targaryen x reader

Hanahaki Disease!AU

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters. I do not claim any of them as my own. This work is purely fictional.

Summary: Some say that you cannot die from a broken heart, but how wrong they are. When your lover and husband, Aemond Targaryen begins to find comfort in another, the universe takes pity on you. Well, if you can count a deadly flower disease as pity.

❗️TW❗️: Profanity, mention and descriptions of blood, descriptions of choking and vomiting, hints to infidelity, mild mature scene, violence, character death, angst

(A/N: Hello, this is my own take on Hanahaki's disease with Aemond! Feel free to comment your thoughts, I am always open to criticism and feedback! I hope you enjoy!)

Word Count: 3.3K

Your love for Aemond hadn’t always been unrequited. At least you’d like to think it wasn’t. Both of you had grown together in the red keep as children. The two of you read together, ate together, and overall grew together. Aemond was your best friend before he was your betrothed. Whenever his mother was busy, it was your side that he clung to. The two of you were so attached at the hip that Alicent even took you to driftmark with them. You and the beast that came with you of course. No one really knows how you stumbled upon a hyena pup, nor how you tamed it to your side as a child. Nevertheless, they never forbid you from having it. If the Targaryens could have their dragons, and the Starks their dire wolves, then certainly you could have the tricky little beast that you insisted on calling Lark. In some ways, Alicent was thankful that you insisted on keeping it. After all, it was your hyena that stood between Aemond and the other children on that fateful night in driftmark. The beast had acted as your legs and ran faster than you could to reach the devastating brawl before you. Despite Aemond’s wails of pain, Lark refused to let the guards come too close. Only when you arrived did she move aside. Regardless of being young, that was the first night you realized your feelings for Aemond Targaryen. The very sight of him bleeding and broken struck you so deeply that you felt as if you had been maimed too. Alicent had noticed the change as well as she watched you stand by her son's side whilst he received stitches. Her dark eyes gazed deeply at how tightly you held Aemond’s hand, as if he would disappear. Aside from her, no one had ever loved her son this passionately, not even his own father. 

“Prince Aemond must be sharply questioned so we might learn where he heard such slanders” Rhaenyra demanded.

“ Was the blade of your son’s knife not enough sharpness for the night?” All eyes turned to you in surprise. You had never been known to speak out if it did not benefit you. Most of the time you were seen standing to the side, watching while others tore each other apart. Aemond could always see past it, see your true intentions. He knew you were studying how different people fought and where their weak points were. You had been around the red keep long enough to know that Lucerys Velaryon was Rhaenyra’s soft spot, and tonight you planned to use that against her. 

“ You should watch your tongue when you speak to me” Rhaenyra warned, her eyes flickering over to her father to see if he would do anything. 

“ or what, you’ll have Lucerys cut it out like he did Aemond’s eye” The neutrality on your face was enough to both scare and amaze Aemond. 

“ You dar-”

“ Enough! My son has lost an eye and now you insist on arguing with a young girl?” Alicent moved up next to you, a hand on your back in support. She knew how terrifying it was to stand alone in a room full of adults scrutinizing you. That’s how her wedding felt after all. The queen’s hand never wavered through the interrogation of the green children. You held Aemond’s hand and she held you. Until things escalated that was. When the queen rushed towards Rhaenyra you stepped in front of Aemond. Shielding him from the sight of his mother in the midst of such violence. All Aemond could see in the midst of chaos was you, and all you could see was the river of blood on Rhaenyra’s arm. Little did you know how familiar you would be with crimson rivers in due time. 

It was shortly after that night when your betrothal to the second son was announced. Alicent assured that it was needed to form an alliance between your family and theirs, when in reality it was a match made to ease the worried queen’s heart. In her eyes, no one else was a better match for Aemond than you, and for the longest time, you believed her. Oh, how foolish you were. 

Six years passed with ease for the two of you. The first four were filled with fleeting touches, deep conversations, and young love. 

“What is this, my lady, a journal?” Aemond’s voice floated around you as his chin found purchase on your shoulder. 

“ And if it is?” You hummed, closing the leather-bound book a bit too quickly.

“ Then I fear I must inspect it. Wouldn’t want my future wife to be keeping secrets from me.” You recognized the playful jest in Aemond’s voice and wasted no time in rushing up from the bench. 

“ Not so fast, my love.” Aemond chuckled, ensnaring you from behind. 

“ Aemond!” You protested, smacking his locked arms with the leather bound book. 

“ Have I ever told you how much I adore it when you fight back?” Aemond snickered, his breath hot on your neck. 

“ You pervert!” You feigned offense before looking ahead to your pet, “ Lark, get him girl, c’mon!” 

“ You know she won't come. That ole girl loves me as much as she loves you." Aemond smirked, whistling for Lark in the way you taught. 

            " Traitor." You grumble with a hidden smile as the Hyena trots over to the pair of you casually.

The two of you were married when he was seventeen and you were sixteen. Your union was repeated twice over. Once in front of a sept full of people, and then in the tradition of old valyria. Aemond wanted reassurance that you would never part from him. Your marriage fueled two more years full of what was now mature love. 

The edge of your teeth pulled at the pillow of your bottom lip as you stared at the dark oak door. The sound of jeering men swarmed your thoughts and threatened the bile at the back of your throat. You tried to hide your discomfort for Aemonds sake, but he was keen to your reactions by now. 

“ Do not fret, my love, I will not let them hear your noises. I would never let them hear what is only meant for me and you.” Aemond spoke lowly, using your hips to turn you towards him and away from the door. 

“ They’ll hear regardless.” You muttered bitterly, “They’re sat out there with their ears pressed against the door just wa-”

“ I said they would not hear you and I meant it” Aemond murmured into your ear with a soft kiss to the sensitive skin just beneath it. 

“Aem-” You sighed contently.

“That’s it..sȳz riña.”Good girl. Your breathing faltered as the pet name slipped past his lips. He had figured out how much you liked to be praised from your journals.

“ You r-remebered…”You managed to gasp as he trailed down your neck. 

“ I remember anything and everything that has to do with you, my love. I always will.” Aemond promised between wet kisses. You shouldn’t have believed him, but you did. 

You never would’ve thought that you could fall deeper in love with Aemond Targaryen after that night, but nine months later proved you wrong. The sight of him by your side as you delivered your son set permanent hearts in your eyes. He had not cared for the blood or screams, only you and the babe. The babe who he later named Aemys because it was as close as he could get to amethyst, your favorite color. Every little detail of  the things he did revolves around you. That’s what fueled your denial the first time you coughed up blood. 

Your eyes stared hard at the bloody petal laying in your palm. Had that come from you? You had read strange tales of those who bled flowers, but you believed it only to be fiction. Surly your blood would not change at the ripe age of ten and nine. 

“ The flower that once bloomed love will soon bloom blood. “ Helaena aimlessly mumbled to herself from beside you. 

“ What..?”Your heart sped up as you analyzed her words. No one had ever paid any mind to her silly riddles, except for you. 

“ Blooming blood blooms a burial.” This time Helaena was focused on you as she spoke. Her eyes filled with unknown sorrow. You left Aemys to play with his cousins as you rushed to the library. No one else was there to question your  sanity as you pulled book after book from the shelf to find the old dornish fables that lay hidden among them. 

“Hanahaki..”Every word, every page, and every definition seemed to tear you apart further as you read. No other condition led to flowery bile except for this one. Aemond loved you though. How could this be possible?

Your thoughts would be answered two morrows later when Aemond returned from his siege of Harrenhal. Everyone had expected to see him arrive on dragon back alone, certainly not with a strong bastard. A gorgeous strong bastard at that. You felt your chest tighten as you gazed upon her dark flowy locks and enchanting eyes. Oh by the seven, how could you spite him for loving someone like her? If circumstances were different, then perhaps you too would fall under her spell. It wasn’t until you saw the way she clung to Aemond’s arm that the coughing fit started. This had to be it. What else could it be? Aemond hated physical contact with strangers, yet he let a previously unknown wetnurse cling to him like a paramour. The harder you thought about it, the harder you coughed. The fit only resulted in a petal or two, but in time that would grow. The longer Alys rivers stayed, the worse you got. Both you and the universe could feel Aemond straying from you, even if he spoke differently. 

“I am not in love with her!”Aemond snapped, reaching his breaking point in this petty argument that had started hours ago at dinner. 

“ You do not see the things I see, Aemond. The way you defend her, encourage her, look at her…all in the way you used to look at me-” It took effort to fight down the sickness as you fought. It had been months, but you made no move to tell Aemond, you couldn’t.

“ I do not love her as I love you-”

“ Yes, but you love her!” You cried in outrage, gripping the wall near you for support. Everything became so out of focus as you spoke the words. It was the first time you had ever admitted it to yourself. The dew of brick cooled your skin as you leaned against the wall. Your body trembled with deep echoey coughs as petals tore their way up your throat. 

“ I did not mean to make you sick, dear wife” Aemond spoke softly and simply. Wife. He had never called you that before, not even on your wedding night. It was always my love or Ñuha prūmia. How ironic for him to call you his heart when sooner or later he would be the reason yours cease to beat. 

“ Just go, Aem, please.” You pleaded, turning away, “I do not wish to fight.” 

“ As you wish.” Aemond’s bow before he left was the final straw to crack your heart open. Why must he be so formal when you stand dying a few feet away? How can he not see how badly you suffer? Were the shadows beneath your eyes, or the crack of your lips not big enough clues for him? Would you need to be dead for him to finally understand?

Unfortunately for you, that’s exactly how it was going to be. Everyone else around you had begun to notice the shift in your behavior. The fatigue, the paleness, and the emotions. Alicent first noticed it when she sat in the nursery with you, Helaena, and the children just after supper. She saw the way your eyes refused to leave Aemys as if it would be your last look. The way you held him was the same way she held Aemond when he lost his eye. 

“ He’s a clever boy.” Alicent smiled as Aemys recited a word back to one of his cousins. 

“ That he is.” You agreed, melancholy ghosting your lips. It hurt the queen to see you this way. You were a part of her almost as much as her children. You came to her as a child she was not forced to love nor conceive. Yet you wormed your way into her heart as if she had carried you. The sight of you so sickly and sad tugged at Alicent’s heart. 

“ You’re sick, are you not?” Alicent proclaimed in observation rather than a question. 

“ Mhm, In a way I suppose I am.” You hummed out softly. It had gotten to the point where it was hard to speak most days. The petals had begun to come up in thick, dry heaves, with occasional thorns that tore at your throat. 

“ Have you told Aemond?” The queen inquired. 

“ Aemond is the reason I’m sick in the first place.” You grumbled before sighing in defeat, “ Or I suppose it’s more of my fault. I was foolish to think he would ever actually love me.”

“ You don’t mean-” Alicent’s soft words trailed off abruptly. Alicent Hightower was no stranger to the hanahaki disease. She too had suffered through it once. Except she learned how to get around it.

“ I do.” You answered simply, with no trace of sadness or indifference.

“ There are ways around it my d-”

“ Such as forgoing my love for Aemond, I know. I could live a long life if I cast aside every loving memory I hold of him, but alas it is not that easy. I have tried, if that brings you any comfort. In the midst of the night when my eyes are swollen from tears and the blood in my throat is so thick I cannot breathe, I have tried, and I have failed.” Alicent’s eyes well with tears as you speak, almost as if she’s dared to imagine you in such dismay. You reach out to soothe her hands comfortingly, but she grips onto yours tightly instead. 

“ It is not easy, but you must keep trying.” Alicent urges, a wobble to her voice. 

“ There is no reason for me to put myself through the agony of erasing my happiness when I am already in physical torment. The sight of Aemond is the very reason I wake up every morning. Hearing his laugh, seeing his smile, and feeling his warmth are all things that have kept me going. Forgetting those would be forgetting myself.” You reason, a wisp of remembrance in your eyes. 

“ If not for yourself, then for Aemys” Alicent argues. 

“ Aemys is one of the reasons I have chosen to give up. Every time I look at him I see Aemond. They are alike in everything but the eyes. The mere sight of that boy reminds me of the night he was made, of the love and passion Aemond had for me. Yet he no longer holds in regards to me. I would rather Aemys hear stories of his parent’s love than grow up with two plain parents.” The child in topic bursts into giggles a few inches away, stealing your attention from the queen. Your eyes crinkle with happiness and you move to turn towards him, but Alicent holds firm. 

“ Aemys needs his mother.” She argues once more. 

“ He does not. Aemys will have a loving father and grandmother by his side. Alongside his aunt Helaena, Uncle Daeron, and three beautiful cousins. Even Aegon cares for the little rascals’ life.” You chuckled. 

“ That is n-”

“ Please, I have made my choice. I appreciate your council, but it is too late. I fear after I lay my son to sleep, it will be my last night alive. I thank you for all the love and comfort you have given me in my lifetime. I love you, mother.” You pressed the meat of your cheek against Alicent’s hand in farewell before standing.

“ If you’ll excuse me-” As you stood to retrieve your son, Alicent excused herself from the room hastily. Never did she think she would find herself running through the castle’s corridors, but yet here she is. Alicent’s heels had been long forgotten and the emerald hem of her dress dragged upon the stone as she made haste to the library, where Aemond would be. 

“ Aemond! Ae-” The frantic shrill of the queen mother’s voice echoes throughout the shelves. 

“ Mother?” Aemond calls out, emerging from a row with a disheveled Alys in tow, “ Is something wrong?”

“ You hide away fondling a wet nurse while your wife withers away! Have I truly raised you this way?” The despair in Alicent’s voice takes Aemond by surprise. He reaches out to hold her arms, but she pulls away. 

“ She is not withering away, mother. She has assured me that it is just a small cold.” Aemond speaks calmly, in hopes to ease his mother’s franticness. 

“ A small cold!? She has every sign of hanahaki disease and you have not suspected a thing?” Alicent refuted. 

“ Because it is not possible! I love her!” Aemond snaps. 

“ Not enough!” Alicent sighs, “ In no world should I have had to be afraid of letting her go in fear that I would not see her again. She has accepted her death, Aemond. How far out of love have you fallen with her to the point where your wife greets death openly?” 

Aemond doesn’t bother with a reply because he’s already on his way out of the door. His pounding steps reverberate through the empty halls and the tremble of panicked breathing surrounds him. Fear nearly eats him alive as he reaches the door to your marital chambers. Never has he been terrified to open those doors to the sight of you. He had never once feared  finding you dead, but now he has. Slowly but surely, Aemond pushes the giant oak open. He spots you knelt on the balcony in your nightdress, looking up at the stars. Lark lay whining at your side until she hears Aemond shuffle forward. Much to Aemond's surprise, the hefty beast that once worshiped him as you did, bared its teeth to him. 

            "Please.." Aemond wasn't sure if he was pleading to Lark to let him pass or to the gods for your life. Either way, the Hyena was the first to answer him. Lark moved aside slowly so that Aemond may pass, but still kept defense from a ways away.

“I-” Before a word can even escape his lips, you’re lurching forward. Aemond rushes forward and sinks to his knees to hold you. The convulsions of your stomach can be felt as he circles your waist. 

“ I’m so sorry, my love, please.” The cold wash of fear grips his spine as blood and flowers paint the floor. He has no idea what to do. You’re not saying anything or doing anything to cease the onslaught of terror, yet you’re not pushing him away either. On the contrary, you’ve tangled your fingers with the hand he has over your stomach. 

“ I love you. I’ll always love you.” Aemond croaks helplessly into your hair as you lean back against him. It’s too late, you had once said. It seems that the universe had agreed. Your breathing rattled to a stop and the grip of your hands weakened.  “ I love you. Forever and Always. I promise.” Aemond whispered, pressing a salt-soaked kiss to your temple as he felt your heart slow. The thump that once echoed through your back onto his own heart stuttered to a stop, and with it so did Aemond’s world.

Part 2

[aspiringtrashpanda]

A conversation about ship names with @shootingstarrfish inspired me to write this silly little fic featuring my favorite OC ever, Starr's MC Sidra!

Characters: Belphegor x Sidra (MC, he/they), Leviathan Ridiculous discussions in ship names, Belphie is still bad at art. No warnings apply

“You want to… what?” 

Belphie wasn’t sure he had heard correctly. There was always that stretch of time where he laid in limbo, somewhere between sleep and the waking world. Everything felt a bit like a lucid dream, like the voices around him fed him prompts and he could do with them what he wished. 

He was sure Sidra had spoken. The subtle vibration had lanced through their thighs where Belphie rested his head. Then, he had heard his own voice. Had he meant to speak aloud? Ah, whatever. It wouldn’t be the first time he spoke in his half-sleep. 

Another rumble through the pillow he had made of Sidra. “Come up with our ship name.”

Alright. So, he had heard correctly. It took him a while, maybe so long that Sidra had forgotten what they were even talking about, but Belphie managed to pull himself upright, to rub his tired eyes as they adjusted to the dim firelight of the living room. Sidra hadn’t moved an inch since Belphie had curled up for a nap, his nose still buried in his D.D.D. as he played some sort of rhythm game. Levi had probably introduced them to it. At least he looked comfortable, lounging on the plush couch before the crackling hearth.

Belphie peered at his partner, eyes a sliver of violet as he processed the words, hoping that the more time he took would equate to knowledge magically filling his head. He didn’t like not knowing. Maybe that’s why he got along well with Satan. Well, aside from other shared interests…

Belphie sighed, giving up. “And what’s that?”

“It’s…uh…” Sidra balked, and it wasn’t lost on Belphie how he exited out of his game mid-song. That wasn’t a good sign. 

“Did I hear ship discourse happening over here?” A familiar voice, overly enthusiastic about something Belphie was sure to find uninteresting, interrupted. Leviathan appeared like a sonic boom, heard before seen. Arms teeming with snacks and beverages, Belphie was certain Levi had been on route to a gaming session in his room. A second later and he wouldn’t have heard anything. Terrible timing, really. 

Yet, Sidra indulged him, a lazy shrug accompanied by a breezy, “kind of, sort of.”

Belphegor was lost. In a feeble attempt to understand what his partner could possibly have to discuss with Leviathan, he asked, “Are you flooding the Devildom again? Is that what’s happening?”

Ships. Water. Flood. It checked out, okay?

Alas, Levi laughed. It was that haughty laugh that irritated Belphie to his wit’s end. The one that said I know something you don’t know. So annoying.

Satan would understand. 

And despite the pity in his orange eyes stoking the defiant fire in Belphie’s gut, Levi confessed, “No, Sidra isn’t referring to a literal ship. He’s referring to you.”

Belphie blinked. “What about me?”

“No, you.” Levi went to gesture, but then seemed to remember his hands were full. He settled for jerking his head from Belphie to Sidra and back to Belphie. A violent blush bloomed to life as he stuttered, “As a…c-c-couple.”

Still, the whole concept was lost on Belphie, for he was too busy internally criticizing Levi’s inability to speak of romance without turning as bright as a screaming hell tomato. “I still don’t get it.”

“When two characters have romantic potential,” Sidra, clearly done with whatever threeway foxtrot was happening around the subject, decided to throw Belphie a bone. He chose his words carefully, pushing the sentence along with his hands. “It’s called a ship. Like a relationship.” 

His D.D.D. had fallen into his lap. Belphie liked when Sidra talked with their hands. He was so cute. 

But then, Levi had to go and ruin Belphie’s quiet moment of admiring his partner with an obnoxious but actually, “It was coined way back in an online forum where fans of a series about aliens and mysteries believed the two protagonists would get together. They called themselves “relationshippers”, and then it was shortened to “shippers” and bam! Ships.” 

The fire crackled in the hearth. For a moment, Belphie considered resting his head in Sidra’s lap and going back to sleep. Maybe he could pretend this was all a dream. 

Unfortunately, Sidra was looking at him with this expectation glittering in his eyes. Classic Sidra. Always afraid to ask for what he really wanted. But that’s why they were with someone like Belphie, right? Belphie smirked. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind. 

“Okay,” He feigned nonchalance, flopping backwards against the arm of the couch. “So, what’s our ship name?”

“Well,” Sidra chewed the inside of his cheek. His warm brown eyes darted to the log in the fireplace, bark peeling away in bleached strips as the flames ate away at the wood. “Typically, the two character names are mashed together. Like, um…”

Levi’s grin brightened. This time, a bag of gummy salamanders fell to the ground with a thud! “Taizuki is the name for the romantic pairing of Taichi-san and Azuki-tan!” 

Sidra snickered, “And Lucifer and Diavolo would be Dialuci.”

Belphie lit up. Well, wasn’t that useful information. Cataloging such a name in the back of his mind, he considered his own pairing. “So we’d be… Belphdra?”

Levi snorted. Sidra frowned.

Belphie pursed his lips, “What?”

‘’Why does that sound like a monster?” Levi completely abandoned any pretense of leaving, dropping his trove of snacks on the coffee table as he chuckled, “Oh, like Lotan but with Belphie’s various expressions for each head.”

With a gasp, Sidra’s entire body lurched forward, their hair flopping with the movement. They searched the drawers of the end table, cheering when they found an old notepad Mammon had left lying around after this last round of monthly budgeting. “Wait hold on, I want to draw this.”

The silence that enveloped the sitting room was unnerving. The glint in Sidra’s eyes warned of something that Belphie wasn’t necessarily going to like, their pencil scrawling across the compressed pad with an irritating scratch. 

Sure enough, when Sidra presented his masterpiece, a flare of indignation roared to life in Belphie’s chest.

Pictured was a rather magnificent looking dragon, if Belphie did say so himself, but each of its three heads wore a displeased expression, all furrowed brows and bared teeth. Certainly a rather unflattering representation of himself. He wasn’t that grouchy, was he? Sure, maybe when he was woken in the middle of a good dream, but that wasn’t always. 

Biting his tongue, Belphie settled for scoffing, “That is not what a Belphdra would look like.”

“Then you show us,” Sidra volleyed back with ease. There was no bite to their words, only curiosity burning in the stretch of his smile and the light of his eyes. 

For a moment, Belphie forgot about Levi, forgot about the doodle, forgot about the challenge. Lost in the radiant glow of his partner’s amusement, in their dimples and their little moles and the happy blush that seeped across tan skin, Belphie considered tossing the conversation aside in favor of carrying Sidra away to the attic. There, he could kiss the creases in the corners of Sidra’s hazelnut eyes. There, he could show him exactly what a Belphdra looked like. 

But then Leviathan was clicking his tongue impatiently, and Sidra was pushing the pad of paper into Belphie’s hands. 

With a roll of his eyes, Belphie got to work. Tip of his tongue peeking out between his lips, he pressed the dull point of the pencil to the paper again and again. A curved line here, a straight line there. A little squiggle for a mouth. 

When he was done, he revealed his work to… complete confusion. Sidra and Levi stared, mouths flapping around words they couldn’t quite say. Their gazes traced the slope of the seven necks, but they didn’t seem to acknowledge the tiny circle that represented the body. They glanced from the pointed tail, to the goofy tongue, to the fancy hat upon the third head, and still, they failed to provide any sort of praise.

“It’s…” Levi started.

Sidra put him out of his misery, “Unique?”

Before Belphie could make some sort of snarky remark, his partner patted him on the shoulder. With a sympathetic smile, Sidra waved away the disappointment with a cheery, “It doesn’t matter, anyway. Our ship name isn’t Belphdra.”

Levi cocked his head. “No?”

“It’s Sidphie,” Sidra asserted, bold smile booming with certainty. At this, Levi’s expression changed rapidly. Something akin to indifference morphed into shock, into horror, into a mix of resigned yet impressed acceptance. 

Belphie was lost. Stifling a yawn, he looked between Levi and Sidra for some sort of explanation, asking, “Wait, why?”

There was a beat of silence, a mischievous smirk from Sidra the only warning Belphie received before Levi laughed, “The character who tops is usually named first.”

He was kicked out of the room via pillow thrown at light speed. 

*・゜・*:.。.*.。.:*・☆・゜・*:.。.*.。.:*・☆・゜

MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN! I've finished the first round, please give me more! This is a fun little writing exercise for me! Find out more HERE.

[smallvictorianchildwhofoundwifi]

Well ain't you just a sweetie, I'll get you some nice fluff from the back, on the house 😊😉

“And so they had to give the cat back, but she said she might get a pet spider!”

“Why a spider? Spiders are kinda gross”

“ARE NOT- SPIDERS ARE CUTE”

“NUH UH”

Kendo’s mother giggled hearing the children talking, having an… interesting fight. Itsuka could always make friends wherever she went, so it didn’t surprise her mother to see a little blond boy playing on the play structures with her kid. He seemed a little odd, sitting by himself at the playground, but she was odd herself as a kid, so she wouldn’t judge.

Mrs Kendo watched her daughter attach herself to the hip of this little boy, playing with him all day and no other kid, and insisting to play with him again and Mrs Kendo got the number of the boy’s moth- caretaker. Itsuka even said the strangest thing when they had to leave the park,

‘he told me that his parents are too busy to be with him, and that’s why they pay the Ms Ittaka lady to watch him. He also told me that his mom and dad don’t like each other that much, so I said we could share mine since you are dad do love each other. That’s okay right? Sharing you?’

Mrs Kendo had to process just what her kid had said before crouching down to meet eye level with her, ‘of course it’s okay Itsuka, I share my love with you and your brother don’t I? What’s another kid.’

‘Okay!’ Itsuka’s bright smile always managed to light up this proud mother’s world, but the worry for her newfound friend still knawed at the back of her mind.

'Will you help clean up the house when your friend comes to visit? He doesn't look like he likes germs."

Itsuka tilted her head a little too much and her brows were scrunched, "He doesn't like our house?"

Mrs Kendo gave a small hearty laugh at that and she picked up her kid. "Sometimes there are people like your friend there who wear gloves because they're scared of getting dirty. There are both kids and adults who are like that, so let's make your friend feel welcome by not making him scared."

The little redhead made a big 'o' shape with her mouth, "Ooohhh... But he said he wears those gloves 'cause of his quirk! He said his classmates feel safer when he wears them so he keeps them on all the time."

"Did he now..." The two made their way back home and Mrs Kendo thought about that little boy. He didn't say his quirk was scary, but it made other people scared. She didn't know how to feel about that, but she would make a decision about him when she met him.

The sound of children's laughter was heard in the other room, brightening the whole house. Mrs Kendo had trusted that they wouldn't break anything or hurt themselves and helped her and Monoma's caretaker, Ittaka, to some tea while they chatted. They traded stories about the buggers, talked about their jobs and school days and other things to fill the conversation. They also talked about:

"If you wouldn't mind me asking Ittaka..." Mrs Kendo leaned forward as the other lady gave her the go-ahead, "What is little Monoma's quirk? Itsuka mentioned that's what the gloves are for. It's not... dangerous, is it?"

Ittaka sat on that question for a moment, a sour expression on her face til she finally answered.

"No, Neito's quirk isn't dangerous. But-" she also leaned forward, rubbing her eyes and suddenly looking exhausted, lowering her voice to a whisper. "You know how some children are. They blow things out of proportion and live on that rock. When his quirk manifested, his classmates somehow managed to convince themselves and him that his quirk was scary and that he was scary. They all started avoiding him and now dear Neito has no friends. Well, not anymore thanks to your daughter." Ittaka looked fondly over at the direction of the living room where the kids could be heard all throughout the house.

"That's awful, I can only imagine how terrible Itsuka would've felt if her friends started avoiding her. I know there was one or two kids who called her quirk weird-looking. I think she hit them over the head." Mrs Kendo and Ittaka laughed at that.

"But really, what is his quirk? What would make those kids so afraid like that?" A question asked earnestly but badly worded.

"Do you think Neito's dangerous?" Ittaka's voice raised a little but not enough for anyone else to hear.

"No no no!" Kendo backtracked and quickly place her hand on the caretakers. "I was just curious, I'm sorry for how that sounded."

Ittaka looked back at where Monoma and Kendo were playing, glad to hear them having so much fun. Neito has been so sad the last few weeks.

"He-" she looked back at the mother and thought on whether she should tell her. "He can copy people's quirks when he touches them."

Ittaka quickly added, "It only last a few minutes and the other person is completely fine, as is their quirk. But for some reason the others kids think that he steals their abilities and have frightened themselves. It's why he wears the gloves."

Mrs Kendo processed that. She'd never heard of anything like it, but quirks are unique in so many ways, she guesses it shouldn't be surprising that such a thing exists.

"Well Itsuka isn't anything like these other kids, she'll treat him just the same."

Ittaka smiled at that and almost felt like crying. She was glad to know that Neito had an amazing friend with sweet parents who will treat him like just another kid. He deserved it.

Something something Kendo and Monoma childhood friends something something

[old-school-butch]

Hello again <3

I sent you an anon that you replied to on April 1st, which was me asking how ex-TIFs are received back into womanhood. Your reply gave me a little foothold which ended up very comforting as I started coming out rapid-fire to all my friends as detrans. this is primarily a message for other people in my situation, who are afraid and might want a template of what you might expect will happen once you do come out with it.

Predictably, most of my friends dropped me; I've 3 friends left. Two of which continue to support trans people but can accept that i have different opinions (as long as i'm "not mean") and one of which has seen the gender critical arguments, accepted them, and agrees. So, heavy losses, but not total losses. My two siblings seemed to sigh in relief and reveal that they never believed in genderism at all, which is odd, because in my 10 years of being trans not one of them challenged me on it. my mom fell into heavy guilt over "letting me" do all this, although i was 18 when i took testo and 19 when i got surgery, so she really could not have stopped me, legally. i suppose she mainly grieves knowing that had she had the right arguments she could have saved her kid this, but i've told her she is not to blame and i hope she recognizes that.

i haven't received any real harassment, not from anyone that i PERSONALLY know, though my family has received... harassment targeted at me? my sister had a classmate begin sending her copious pro-trans propaganda (contrapoints videos) which she instructed should be sent onward to me (sis did not comply). hilarious how my 10 years of direct experience is suddenly null and void and i'm assumed to know nothing about transness.... 6 months ago i was helping people sensitivity-write trans characters. now, i'm told i can't speak for the trans experience at all, and that i do not know what it's like to be a transmasc person. told that i need to listen to the arguments more carefully, that i don't LISTEN, when i literally lived this for 10 whole years. girl, on god? they tell me i don't get it and need to educate myself. and have empathy of course.

but in general, detransing, i've discovered that there are PLENTY of people who do not actually believe in genderism but who will play along simply out of fear or social pressure. my friends aside, who i knew through "queer" circles, everyone in my family (expect my mom) has revealed they never actually believed in it. i think this might contribute to why trans people bully dissenters so badly. they know this is the truth, that no one really buys it. i think, subconsciously, i have known that too. i never downloaded grindr, i never went into the men's bathrooms. i knew that despite testo and surgery and pronouns i could never challenge men as an equal in their eyes.

interestingly, making new friends is not that hard. I lead with the fact i'm detrans and "don't believe in all that shit" and people are VERY eager to be able to, suddenly, voice their real opinions without being called transphobic. they begin with probing questions, uncontroversial statements like "i agree they shouldn't put males in women's sports..." but if you continue to agree and not punish this daring on their part, they will reveal, with much relief and enthusiasm, what they really think. most people, normal people, really do not believe it all? i'm a brash person and can take irl confrontations quite well, hence i feel safe putting myself up as a transphobe off the bat. and people are very into this. so. the old ass saying, just be yourself.... normal people will not volunteer anti-genderist opinions on their own but when i continue to state thing after thing they open up and agree and eventually feel safe enough to admit their own thoughts. making friends, especially with non-gendie women, hasn't been that hard.

i'm going to write another message about same-sex attraction in the genderverse, but it's also a can of worms so i will make it separate from this one. again, thank you so much, for having anon on and listening, and letting us listen to each other without fear. i would hug you. to be continued

Thanks for the follow up!

My only comment is that I think most people play along out of kindness, it's not all bullying and fear, but that does impose a silence on everyone so everyone feels quite alone with their doubts.

[ismyverynaturethatofthedevil]

Brilliant comment I read on YouTube about Armand’s life. (Will link the video if you want to watch it)

@residentialpsycho1075

9 months ago (edited)

This is one of my favorite novels. It definitely has the trigger warnings for child slavery, child rape, pedophilia, child prostitution, child grooming, brainwashing, torture, and so on; it's not what everyone can tolerate, but I feel like it helped me grow as a person. It's a book I had to contemplate afterward. (I was quite shocked to encounter this material in my middle school library, though. Yikes.)

Armand allows us to experience his life in those times and the ups and down. He is an easily-influenced child who wants to be the leader of the pack and is rarely alone, even as a vampire. He is ALWAYS a child and never fully breaches the cusp of being an adult, and this is of critical importance to his character. He strives to have companions and to be admired by them. As Andrei, he's influenced by the monks and even dreams of holing himself up in the ground to starve to death with them some day. As Amadeo, he quickly adapts to Roman life and becomes the leader of all the boys there. He excels in being crapicious, which is how his master instructed him to act. Once he's been kidnapped, tortured, and brainwashed as Armand by Santino and his cult, he adapts to their teachings and follows their orders even long after Santino is gone. When Lestat first meets him and destroys the cult, Armand begs to go with him only to be assigned to watch after the Theatre des Vampires for a hundred years. When Lestat returns and Armand hopes they can finally travel together, Lestat betrays his expectations by only wanting his blood to recover. He no longer needs Lestat's approval and lets Louis destroy the vampires there before traveling with Louis as his companion. Even once he separates from Louis, he stays and guards New Orleans for Louis and Lestat, protecting them from other vampires until they arise. He leaves with Daniel before uniting with the other vampires. Conveniently, he's bought an island in Florida for all the vampires to hang out together and meet each other.

He's a teenager struggling with having a group to belong to. He's easily influenced and can be quite impulsive and destructive at times. Although he's been through a lot, he can't define himself or his own identity as an individual rather than a member of a group.

Armand can be regarded as having been brain-washed twice. Although the second time was by Santino and the cult, the first time is as a slave. He "loves" Marius because Marius rescued him by buying him, and he's grateful to his hero/owner. He also loves Marius's appearance and his paintings. However, this is an unhealthy and predatory relationship where they are not equals and will never be equals. Should anyone mistake the two as having such a good relationship or having had one, Armand snaps readers of this by always referring to Marius as his "Master," even in modern times. This reminds the readers that Armand is a slave Marius took advantage of, and Marius acknowledges this.

Marius himself lusted after Amadeo, but he wanted Amadeo to grow to his preference and also be more obedient to him. I appreciate how the pair describe this love as selfish. Although Armand was happy with him, it's also true that Marius took advantage of him and his situation. He never asks about Amadeo's home or religion since these were not part of the description Marius was grooming him to have. It's only when they visit Kyiv that Marius appears to truly realize Amadeo has his own story and background aside from being Marius's ideal lover and that Amadeo is actually... a person.

When Armand makes his human friends with unconditional love, Sybelle and Benji, a childlike woman and a mature twelve-year-old, both are whom could be viewed as Armand's peers given their mortal ages, Marius turns them to give Armand a new group to be with but also to tie Armand more to the world of the living, so he doesn't try any more trips to Heaven. Unsurprisingly, this involves Marius breaking his own rules to never turn a child into a vampire.

It's quite shocking the first time through, but Armand's representation of a teenager trapped in time while struggling to have his own friends and never maturing into adulthood is striking.

Marius's "good guy" reputation is tarnished beyond repair after this book.

I'm not entirely sure what the metaphor of the child's dress in the wall means, but I suspect it might represent Armand being a child or even a decorative item (slave) that was abandoned when hard times fell. After reading the previous books, Armand knows quite well that Marius refused to rescue him from the cult once Marius found out about him again.

As a middle schooler, the series hit me a bit differently, and I couldn't appreciate it to this degree. It may have slightly traumatized me since it was my first exposure to written sex descriptions and featured and underaged slave and his master. WTF was this doing hiding in a middle school library??? Once I recovered from that, I empathized a lot with the tragic Armand as a teenager myself. I struggled with depression from undiagnosed Celiac disease, and I absolutely loved art. The Vampire Armand taught me a lesson that, even if you commit suicide, you may end up in a worse situation than you started with. If you remain alive, you can encounter something really worthwhile and meet people who love you unconditionally.

I'm glad it has different meanings for different levels of comprehension.

[goosewriting]

The turtles get walked in on by the reader as they were talking to April about how bad they got it for the for them, and theirs just an awkward silence from the April so the turtle slowly turns around to see the reader and April slowly leaves the two. Theirs a little awkward chat and the reader says to meet them up on a rooftop. Meanwhile the turtles freaking out wondering how they're gonna be let down. They meet on the roof and the turtle trys to explain themselves until the reader quickly stops them and holds their hands its a really cute confession for both of them thank you 💗💗 your writing is so good 😌👍🏾 I love everything that you made so far

Rooftops and confessions (rottmnt x reader)

summary: reader overhears turtle talking to April about his crush on them.

relationship: Rise Leo, Raph, Mikey Donnie x GN reader

warnings: fluff!, first kisses (except Donnie), idiots in love

word count: 4.2k

A/N: as i was writing i noticed i went in some directions that i had gotten asks for! so i decided to combine a bunch :3 sorry that some are longer than others; I partially wrote this on a train lol thank you for the kind words, anons<3 i really hope you’ll like these; raph’s is my fave piece of him i’ve written so far :D for reasons, this takes place not long before the movie. enjoy >:’) 

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — —

You were happily skipping into the lair; it was movie night and you just returned from a successful snack hunt. Aside from everyone’s favourite candy and chips, you had also found a rare brand that you loved but didn’t find everywhere, so of course you bought as many as you could fit into your backpack. You couldn’t wait to see the boys’ reaction to it and hoped they’d love it as much as you did.

Upon entering the lair you made your way towards the kitchen, where you heard some voices. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but managed to catch the last part of the conversation.

“…this is getting out of hand, I think I’m actually gonna explode tonight”, one of the brothers spoke.

“Why don’t you just confess to Y/n already?” April retorted, slightly exasperated. 

“What? Look at me. They would never-“ His sentence ended abruptly as you walked through the open door. The enthusiasm in your step had you turning the corner and walking into the room with such speed that even if you had wanted to stop at the door when hearing those words, you wouldn't have been able to. 

The turtle stood a couple of steps away, April in front of him but facing away from you, so she hadn’t seen you enter. His eyes had gone big as dinner plates when he saw you, a blush starting to cover his whole face.

“They would never what? I’m sure they’re the least person to care ab-!” April wasn’t able to finish her sentence as the turtle hastily turned her around by the shoulders, so that she could finally see you.

“Y/n, you’re back!” April greeted you with a loud, somewhat forced laugh. Seeing that you had brought the food, she took everything you were carrying, and scurried off to the projector room, claiming she was gonna set it up. And just like that you two were left alone. 

“So, uh, how much did you hear?” the turtle asked after what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence. He wasn’t able to look you in the eye.

“Enough, I guess…” you answered, your brain going a thousand miles a minute.

Enough to figure out what’s going on and realising you feel the same as me, is what you meant.

Enough to be kinda grossed out by you, and I hope we never talk again, is what he understood.

Realising that if you didn’t solve this right now, the whole movie evening would be super awkward and weird, you decided you had to take the matter into your own hands. Averting your eyes to the side, you told him without an explanation to meet you on the roof of that one shop you usually go to (it’s just across the lair entrance and has a nice view from up top), and left. So now you were gone as well and the turtle was left alone in the kitchen with his mind running. He inhaled sharply, brought his hands to his face and groaned loudly. 

While the poor guy was mentally and emotionally preparing himself to be rejected by his favourite person in the world, you were hastingly making your way to the roof, trying to calm your erratic breathing and crazy heart, because you had actually been crushing on him so hard for some time now, too.

Once on the roof, you paced back and forth along the railing, replaying the conversation from before in your mind. On one side you couldn’t help the goofy smile spreading on your face because your crush liked you back, apparently. On the other hand you also heard him say “look at me” in a derogatory way. Did he really think you didn’t find him physically attractive because he was a mutant? 

Just as you were trying to find the best way to word your feelings, you heard the ladder clattering behind you under the weight of a certain turtle. 

🔵 Leo

Leo approached you with some sort of sad determination. He was barely able to keep his smug façade, and it kinda broke your heart. You’d have to clear things up as quickly as possible.

“So… what’s up?” Leo asked with a nod. He stood a couple of steps away from you, so as to not get into your space, and crossed his arms in front of his chest in a defensive manner.

“I really didn’t mean to eavesdrop earlier, Leo” you explained. “I just really wanted to get back to all of you with the food. You said something that has me a little curious though.” You tried to give him the most genuine and non-judging look you could. “After telling April to look at you, you said that I would never… something. What were you gonna say?”

Leo grimaced and sighed, deflating a little. He turned to the side, holding onto the railing with both hands. You mirrored him, so now you both stood facing the bustling city. After some moments of just looking at nothing, he spoke.

“April was telling me to ask you out. I’ve actually liked you for a while now. Like, a lot.” He stole a quick glance at you to gauge your reaction. “But it’s obvious you’d never be interested in a mutant turtle, so I understand if you don’t wanna hang out anymore or something.” The last part he said with a bit of a bite to his voice. Probably not directed at you, but at himself.

“Ah, but you see, Leonardo, that’s where you’re wrong” you said, closing the distance to stand right next to him. Gently you pulled on his arm to turn him so you were facing each other. The gesture and the use of his full name had him all kinds of confused, but he didn’t dare to pull away.

“Before coming to such conclusions you should have consulted with me first, you know. For the record, I like what I see” you added, giving him a quick once-over, referring to him being a mutant. As your words started weighing in on him, Leo’s eyes grew bigger and bigger, an adorable blush adorning his cheeks. He eagerly awaited for you to continue, but you were actually waiting for him to say the magic words, so you guessed he needed just a little bit more encouragement. “I don’t want to take the chance from you because I just know that if I do, you’ll never let me live it down. So, go ahead Leo. Ask me.” you told him. In a rush of adrenaline and boldness, you moved down your hand, which was still on his arm, and took his hand in yours. You could have sworn you saw his breath hitch.

Leo’s last brain cell had exited the chat the moment you had touched his arm, so while he knew what you wanted from him, and he damn well also wanted it himself, he was unable to produce a sound. You patiently waited, slightly amused at how you could see the figurative gears in his head turning at ungodly speeds, and smiled at him expectantly. 

The lights of the city reflected on your skin, enveloping your figure in an almost surreal aura in Leo’s eyes, and his other hand came up to cup your face. You flinched slightly in surprise, but were quick to lean into his touch to reassure him. You were so beautiful, smart, generous. How in the world did he end up here like this with you? 

“Are you sure about this?” he asked instead, his insecurities suddenly getting the best of him.

“What do you mean?” you retorted, slightly confused. Had you misunderstood him?

“Well, I know I can be a lot. And honestly you’re way out of my league” Leo said with a sad smile. “I’m moody and get distracted easily, always make a game out of everything. You deserve better…” He started withdrawing his hand from your cheek, but you grabbed onto his wrist and held it in place, also giving his other hand a squeeze.

“Isn’t that for me to decide?” you said with furrowed brows, and started rambling, unable to stop yourself, trying to get through that thick skull of his. “I’d like to think that by now I know you, Leo. And I know you can be cocky and impulsive and kind of a flirt. But I also know just as well how big of a heart you have; you’d probably sacrifice yourself for someone else without a second thought. I know how funny and laidback you can be, but you know how to be serious as well when it matters.” You removed your hand from his wrist and placed it on his chest, looking at him with almost pleading eyes. “I like your voice, your stripes, your corny pick-up lines. I like all of you Leo, in and out, and I want it all for myself.”

Leo just stood there, looking at you in awe and disbelief. Is that really how you felt about him? And all this time he had held back from making a move. With a smile and a light scoff, he just kept looking at you, memorising every detail of your face, glowing in the city lights. 

Since he still wasn’t responding, you gave him a light push. 

“C’mon, don’t leave me hanging here…” you mumbled, heat rising to your cheeks as you had just confessed all of that to him. Leo savoured the moment just a little more, then decided he had made you wait long enough. 

“If that’s really how you feel, then will you go out with me?” he finally asked. Your eager ‘Finally! Yes!’, combined with your words from before, filled up his ego again; it was now bursting. Giving you his signature cocky smirk, his body language changed completely. Letting go of your hand, he grabbed onto your waist instead and pulled you closer. The hand on your cheek ended up at the back of your head, in your hair. The soft look in his gaze shifted, now looking at you hungrily.

“I wanna kiss you so bad right now” Leo whispered, and you felt your body go up in flames.

“Do it, coward” you further provoked him. 

Leo dipped his head, capturing your lips in his. The first kiss was chaste but lingering and full of longing. He pulled back ever so slightly and went back in again, this time slanting his mouth for a better angle and deepening the kiss. He pulled you impossibly closer against him and your hands wandered up from his chest to his neck, as you held his face. 

Let’s just say movie night was long forgotten as you two finally were able to show each other how much you both had waited for this moment. 

🔴 Raph

Raph approached you the way big or tall people walk when they’re trying to make themselves smaller, which made your chest tighten in pain. Your feelings for this turtle were astronomical, he should be walking with his head held high and chest puffed out. Just you wait until I tell you, you thought, already knowing you’d very much enjoy the facial expressions you were about to witness.

There were a couple of big wooden crates on the roof, and you gestured for him to sit on one. You took a seat across from him, cross-legged, trying to seem relaxed so he’d be more at ease, and not like you were scared of him or something. 

“I really didn’t mean to eavesdrop earlier, Raph” you explained. “I just really wanted to get back to all of you with the food. You said something that has me a little curious though.” You tried to give him the most genuine and non-judging look you could. “After telling April to look at you, you said that I would never… something. What were you gonna say?”

Raph gave a dry chuckle, daring to look at you as if to see if you were serious. Seeing that you were earnestly waiting for his response, he hung his head low in embarrassment.

“I was gonna say you would never date someone who looks like… this” Raph said, gesturing to himself with one hand, before resting his arm on his knee again. “April was telling me to ask you out, but I knew there’s zero chance you’d agree, so… I wanted to save us both the hassle of going through that.”

“Raph” you called his name, and waited for him to lift his head to meet your eyes. To his surprise, you were not looking at him in disgust, but with pure adoration.

“All of this”, you said, gesturing to him like he did before, “Mwah!” You made a chef’s kiss gesture, bringing your fingers together to your lips, then opening your hand. “And the person and soul behind it? Even more so.”

Raph blinked once, twice. No response. You smiled. 

“What I’m trying to say, Raph, is April was right. You should have asked me out, while you could.”

This confused Raph even more. While he could? Was it too late now? Was there… someone else?

Deciding that you had tortured this poor boy enough, you shook your head slightly in amusement, smiling to yourself. You got off the crate, coming to stand in front of Raph. With him sitting, you were now on eye-level. You brought your hands up to gingerly hold his face and brushed over his cheekbones with your thumbs. You saw him straighten up and inhale sharply, as his cheeks turned darker and darker, his eyes unable to look away from yours.

“I like you too, you green, spiky doofus” you confessed. “So now, I am asking you: will you be my boyfriend?”

The turtle was completely frozen where he sat, not moving a single muscle. After a few seconds of silence, you squished his cheeks a little.

“Raph, I want you to be my boyfriend. …Are you gonna make me beg?” Still no response. Now you had done it, Raph.exe had stopped working entirely. Letting go of his face, you took a step back and turned to leave. “Too bad; had you said yes, you would have gotten a kiss…”

“W-Wait!” he yelled, and grabbed your waist, pulling you back towards him. As he finally snapped back to reality, he underestimated the force of his action, and instead of just turning you around to face him again, he fully pulled you towards him, so that you were now standing between his legs, chests almost touching. This caught you by surprise as well and you held onto his shoulders for balance. Now your blush was rivalling his.

“That’s not fair; I wanted to be the one to ask!” Raph protested with a laugh. “You know I want to say yes, but… Are you sure? I’m not exactly easy on the eyes.” His gaze started shifting away from yours, so you once again held his face, this time with more confidence, and made him look at you. 

“Is your skull as thick as your shell?” You asked rhetorically, not in a scolding tone but more in a playful manner. “Listen carefully, Rapahel, and dutifully absorb this information into your brain: You are as handsome as you are green. I like how you care about your brothers, how you always protect everyone and lead responsibly. I like how selfless you are. I like that you can take a joke, but that you know how to take things seriously. I like how you can both be tender and gentle, as well as strong and unbreakable. I feel safe and acknowledged around you. The fact that this amazing person before me came in the body of a giant turtle is just the cherry on top of everything else.”

Raph was completely speechless. He had hung onto every word, and you saw his eyes starting to gloss over. You had just poured out your entire heart to him, and he needed you to know that he felt the same way about you. Even so he was unable to come up with a response on the spot that could come even close to what you had just said, and he started racking his brain for something, anything.

You didn’t take his silence as something negative. Heck, if someone just dumped all of this on you out of nowhere, you’d also be at a loss for words. He needed to process it. Even though you knew this, you couldn’t resist any longer.

“To sum it up: I see you, Raph” you added, and started getting closer. “And I like what I see.”

With that you closed the distance between the two with a kiss. For a second he didn’t react, then you felt his shoulders slump as he sighed into the kiss, tilting his head to the side and fully wrapping his arms around you.

When you finally broke for air, you couldn’t help but pepper him with little kisses on his jaw, the corner of his mouth and the tip of his snout, which made him giggle. For a moment you just stood there looking at each other, taking in everything that had just happened. 

“For the record, I do want to be your boyfriend” he finally said with a laugh, realising he hadn’t actually given you a proper answer.

“Well, after all that, I’d sure hope so!” you replied with a laugh of your own.

🟠 Mikey

Mikey got up to the roof with a million thoughts. He had no idea how to approach this, how to approach you.

“Hey, what’s up?” he greeted you and cringed at how forcefully peppy he sounded, given the conversation from before. You went to sit on the old bench that was on the roof, and he joined you.

You brought up one arm to rest on the back of the bench and bent your knees, bringing up your legs onto the bench as well, tucking them under your butt, so you sat sideways facing him.

Looking at him for a second and noticing how nervous he looked, you decided to get to the point.

“I really didn’t mean to eavesdrop earlier, Mikey” you explained. “I just really wanted to get back to all of you with the food. You said something that has me a little curious though.” You tried to give him the most genuine and non-judging look you could. “After telling April to look at you, you said that I would never… something. What were you gonna say?”

Mikey leaned back on the bench and sighed. If you had already heard that much, he might as well come clean. He didn’t like hiding stuff from you anyways, and you’d have discovered his feelings sooner or later anyways. He just didn’t want it to be like this.

“I was gonna say that you’d never be interested in someone like me” he finally says, and looks out to the nocturnal cityscape. “I really didn’t want you to find out like this, but I really like you. I have for a while now.”

You were about to interrupt him to say something, but he held out a hand to stop you, silently asking for you to let him finish first, so you waited.

“And I don’t expect an answer from you; it’d be unfair to put you on the spot like this. I really like like you, but I also like having you as a friend, and I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

You waited for a couple more seconds, and seeing that he seemed done with what he wanted to say, you finally spoke as well.

“But what if I want to ruin what we have?” 

“What do you mean?” he asked, unsure if he should be hurt by what you said.

“You’re my best friend in the whole world, Mikey, and that will never ever change. But sometimes I do wish we were something more…”

“Huh” was all he could say, trying to not get ahead of himself and get all excited, in case this wasn’t headed the way he thought it was. 

“How long have you felt this way?” you asked, suddenly becoming self-conscious and flustered, avoiding his eyes.

“I haven’t really been keeping track of it, but sure has been while now” he replied with a sheepish smile.

“Well, that’s a shame, because it’s been the same for me” you chuckled. “Guess we could have had this conversation a while ago. Good thing I caught you talking to April, huh?”

“So… you’re saying you like like me too?” Mikey asked and reached out for your hand.

“I do” you said and met him halfway, giving his hand a squeeze. 

You two just sat there for a while, holding hands, a blush on both your faces. After some minutes of nervous glances and some giggles, you stood up, pulling him with you.

“Now that that’s taken care of, I think we should head back” you said and pointed to the ladder with your chin. “They’ll start movie night without us otherwise and eat all the snacks I oh so carefully picked out.”

“Wait” Mikey said and pulled on your hand, turning you back around to face him. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to do forever.”

You didn’t have time to ask what he meant, as he was already closing the distance between you two and planted a chaste but firm kiss on your lips. It was over just as quickly as it started, and while you stood there with a furious blush and a dazed look, he smiled sweetly at you.

“Yeah, I’ll definitely be doing that more often” he commented, winked at you, and then pulled you along to the ladder. “Last one back home is a rotten egg!”

🟣 Donnie

Donnie slowly approached you, his eyebrows deeply furrowed, and his arms crossed over his chest protectively. 

You leaned back against the railing, waiting for him to join you. As he finally arrived, he stood next to you, facing the cityscape below you. You guessed it would be more comfortable for him to stand like this, facing in opposite directions as you talked, or he’d think you’re confronting or scolding him.

“Thanks for coming, Donnie. You know, I really didn’t mean to eavesdrop earlier” you explained. “I just really wanted to get back to all of you with the food. You said something that has me a little curious though.” You gave him a quick glance from the side, trying to sound the most genuine and non-judging you could. “After telling April to look at you, you said that I would never… something. What were you gonna say?”

For a second, Donnie considered brushing the whole thing off as a joke between him and April, or telling you that you had misheard him. Chewing on his bottom lip, he quickly stole a glance at you; you were looking ahead of you, the faintest of blushes dusting your cheeks, patiently waiting for a response. 

He sighed, deciding against dismissing your question; it wouldn’t be fair to you. And it was beneath him to gaslight you. He didn’t want to hurt you, but he also didn’t want to be hurt by you. 

“Before I answer that, may I ask a question instead?” he asked.

“Sure” you said.

“Hypothetically speaking, if one of us were to ask you out, would there be a chance of you accepting? Solely regarding our physical appearance.”

“Yes, hypothetically” you answered. “But it would depend on who’s asking; looks aren’t the deciding factor.”

“What if, hypothetically, it was me?”

“Ask for real and find out” you said and finally turned around to face him. He slowly turned as well, his heart pounding in his chest; it was now or never. You smiled at him encouragingly, and he took a deep breath. 

“First of all: I like what we have now and I don’t want to lose it” he started, avoiding your eyes. “But for a while now I realised that my feelings for you have… changed. I want to be more than friends, Y/n.” 

Finally he met your gaze, and your heart skipped a beat at the seriousness in his eyes.

“Are you hypothetically asking me out, Donatello?” you asked him with a coy smile.

“I am asking you out for real” he stated and shyly took your hands in his. “So, what do you say?”

“I’d love to, Donnie. I’ve liked you for a while now as well, for real.”

His entire body relaxed at your words and a soft smile spread on his face, as he took a moment to process this.

“This is all new to me” he said suddenly. “All I know is you’re important to me, and I don’t want to lose you. Please… be patient with me.”

“There’s no rush” you said, and brought one hand up to gently stroke over his cheek with your knuckles. “We’ll figure it out together. Just talk to me, okay?” He nodded.

“Should we head back?” you asked after a while.

“Yeah” he said and you both turned to leave, but he didn’t let go of your hand as you walked. “I saw you brought some new snacks, can’t wait to try those.”

You hummed in agreement, still in disbelief of what just happened. Despite how much you had been looking forward to them, you weren’t sure how many snacks you’d be able to eat, with all the butterflies fluttering in your belly right now.

~~~~~

🐥 taglist: [more info in my pinned post!] @hearteyedracoon @koalaray @maribatshipper @whygz @lovelylovelydreams

[halfmylife]

Could you do sihtric x reader with prompts 70 and 71

Pairing Sihtric x Reader

Prompts “I’d stop that before someone thinks you actually like me.”

“You’re a nightmare, you know that?”

Tags Fluff, slight mentions of violence.

A/N I loved writing this and I hope you enjoy! Thank you for the request!

The training had been gruelling. Sihtric had not held back in the daily spars that he took you through and barely gave your body a break. Every inch of you ached and you could barely keep your sword up. You half regretted even asking him.

Maybe one of the others would’ve been kinder. Still the others weren’t as kind on your eyes as Sihtric was even when he was shouting out orders and giving you constant criticism.

“Don’t let your guard down!” Sihtric called as you backed away, dropping your sword arm slightly, the blade grazing through the mud underfoot. His eyes were trained on you, watching your body like a predator. Something about his stare made your squirm but you hardly minded.

“It’s not like you’ve told me that before.” You grumbled to yourself sarcastically. You rolled your shoulders hoping it might ease the aching in your back. It didn’t.

“Maybe try listening to my advice then.” You should’ve known he would hear you.

“It’s hard to listen to when you’re constantly barking it out.” You shouted back, forcing yourself into a defensive position as he started to circle you. You really were like his prey. “Softer words might be nicer every now and then.”

“Do you think your enemy will use soft words to lighten the blow?” He cocked his head as he effortlessly twirled his blade. You would slap him around the head for being so cocky if you could get a hit in.

“That’s not the point.” You retorted, circling with him.

“Then what is your point?” He seemed far more relaxed than you. His shoulders sagged and his sword was like air in his grasp, he barely struggled with the weight. It was all so natural for him and he knew it.

“My point is, I can’t learn if you’re constantly snapping the same instructions at me.” As you both continued to move, you could feel the weight in your arm becoming too much, the sword was straining against you. You had half the mind to let it drop.

“I wouldn’t have to snap the same thing over again if you actually listened.” He shrugged, clearly this whole ordeal didn’t bother him like it did you.

“I am listening!” You snapped. The training had been tough and you knew you were better than before, at least now you could actually hold a sword and strike. Whether those strikes ever actually landed or not was a different matter. Regardless it grew harder by the day and Sihtric’s constant badgering didn’t help.

“You’re a nightmare, you know that?” He laughed to himself as stopped moving. You took that as a queue to strike. It just so happened that it was a terrible idea.

Just as you lunged forward with your blade, Sihtric managed to step aside, not even lifting his own. He moved with ease as he spun to get behind you, tapping the top of your thigh with the flat of his sword. He let out a low chuckle as you spun around, fury in your eyes.

You moved forward again, arching your sword down. Sihtric was able to side step each one. It was as though you were playing two very different games. The anger rose through you and you let it blindly guide you as you slashed forward.

When Sihtric actually decided to use his blade, you realised this fight would be over soon. He parried every strike easily and barely broke a sweat as he swiped you away every time without fail. You were growing tired and wanted nothing more than for this to end.

With one final push of strength you leapt forward towards him. Sihtric blocked the blow, your swords clashing as you stood close to one another, only the steel separating the pair of you. He gave a slight push against the metal, sending you back. Your footing gave way and you soon found yourself down on the mud, the air pushed out of your lungs.

You hit the floor the same time as your blade and you grunted from the impact. Sihtric’s usually calm demeanour dropped for a second as he discarded his own blade, a wave of concern washing over his features.

“You alright?” He asked kneeling down beside you. As you tried to push yourself up, his hand was on your back in an instant, keeping you steady.

“Never better.” You grunted. When you tried to stand, Sihtric’s hand didn’t leave your back guiding you up as his other free hand took your own. You were able to use his weight to get back onto your feet with ease, brushing yourself off when you were finally steady.

“You sure? You took that pretty hard.” Still his hands were on you, keeping you in place as his eyes wracked over your body. The concern was sweet enough but the way he held you was something else.

“I’d stop that before someone thinks you actually like me.” You smirked, watching him carefully as he adjusted his hold on your back. His hand trailed further down, turning you towards him.

“Maybe I do.” There was a glint in his eye as he held you close, closer than normal. The words dripped from his lips like honey and you almost thought your legs would give way. He held you there for a second, his eyes drifting to your lips and staying there for a little too long before he let go and turned his back on you. “Come on, sword up.”

[johnlennonswifey]

Can you do a fic with John in 1965 ish maybe earlier where he just needs a little comfort or something fluffy but also a bit angsty. Love your work so far!

Thank you!! Idk how to feel about this one but I hope you enjoy!! 🙌🙌

‘I love you the way you are.’

John Lennon x Reader

Summary: John has been oddly quiet, so you pay him a visit to cheer him up.

Warnings: John being sad

—————————————

John had been quiet recently. He had started distancing himself from the band, and you. Which everyone found strange. Every time you approached him he would simply shrug his shoulders. You, along with everyone else, began to worry. His usual upbeat funny attitude was gone. You needed to talk to him.

Which is where you find yourself now, standing nervously by the door to his flat.

“John?” You called out. No answer. You had already knocked four times. Running low on patience, you eyed the doorbell before deciding to ring it.

Relief washed over you when the door locks began to make noises. The door swung open, revealing a disheveled John in a pair of sweats and an old T-shirt. You smiled.

“Mind if I come in?” You hesitantly asked. “I’ve been wanting to speak to you.” John hummed and moved aside. You walked in staying at the entrance as he closed to door. “You can have a seat on the couch.” He said. You nodded, following him over to his little living area.

You sat down opposite from him. He remained facing forward while you turned to look at him.

“John,” you started “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” He sat there, motionless and quiet. “John-“

“Do you think I’m fat?” He asked suddenly. You have him a confused look. “What- why would you think something like that?” He reached for a newspaper sitting on the side table before tossing it to you. It was flipped to a page in which the header read, ‘The fat Beatle?’. The entire article was people criticizing John's weight in comparison to the others.

You looked up sadly. “John, you’re not fat.” You stated quietly. He finally turned to look at you, his eyes sad. “You have to admit I’ve put on a little weight. Haven’t I?” He questioned. You frowned. “So? Even if you have that doesn’t make you fat. You’re perfectly healthy John.”

He stared at you. Quiet again. “And handsome.” You added after a surge of courage washed through you. His cheeks faintly turned pink and he turned away. You two sat in silence for what felt like hours. Deciding your visit was up, you stood, heading for the door. Before you could leave though, you felt something grab your wrist. You turned to see John, his eyes wide as he stared at you. He let go and straightened his posture.

“Do you actually think I’m handsome?” He asked. His voice now back to its normal volume. It was your turn to blush now as you nodded. He smiled. “Well, I think you’re very pretty.” He said matter-of-factly. The blush on your cheeks darkened as you took a step closer to John. “Yeah?” You asked. “Yeah.” He smiled. You gently pressed a kiss to his cheek. You finally turned to the door, opened it, and stepped out. “Feel free to visit anytime!” John called after you.

You smiled as you shut the door. “I will.” You said to yourself.

—————————

I have been waiting for a John request I love writing for him 🙌🙌 just an fyi I might close my requests soon so I can work on some longer works of my own 🙌🙌

[mariacallous]

It would, Grant Shapps says, be bad news for British democracy if Labour won too large a majority next month. For a moment I wondered whether his words reflected a realisation that his own party had only been able to manage stable government this century when it was in coalition with someone else, but I don’t think this was his point. 

It’s true that governments with small majorities are more constrained, but this isn’t obviously a good thing. Our years of Brexit deadlock were only broken once the government had a comfortable majority. And if you believe, as some on the right claim they do, that Britain needs planning reform and plenty of housebuilding, then a Labour government with a large majority is the likeliest route to those things. Certainly the Conservatives haven’t been able to deliver them with theirs.

But let me offer a different counterargument: it would be very good for our democracy for the Conservative Party to suffer a crushing defeat. The Conservatives have behaved terribly in government, and politicians, like children, need to know that their actions have consequences.

In 2019, British voters were faced with an unusual and appalling situation: a choice between two men both utterly unfit to be prime minister. Leaving aside Jeremy Corbyn’s political abilities — he could never persuade even Labour MPs that he ought to head a government — and his instincts — he would go on to suggest the British government had provoked Russia’s invasion of Ukraine — he had neither the temperament nor the intellect for the top job. So voters opted for what they perceived to be the lesser of two evils.

The result was that Labour paid a price for offering an unfit leader, and the Conservatives were rewarded. And that has been a bad thing. It told Tories that integrity in public life was optional. Boris Johnson, of course, needed no encouragement on that score, but his weak-minded followers, in Parliament, on his staff, and in the media, thought they had won a free pass. “Voters don’t care,” we were assured, after each fresh scandal broke. Until it turned out that they did. 

For all their later cries of anguish as Boris Johnson’s character was laid bare on the public stage, Conservatives knew exactly who he was when they made him prime minister. If the precise details of his downfall were pleasingly novel — who had “locks up the nation while hosting a series of wild parties” on their bingo card? — it was no surprise that he thought rules were for other people and lied as was convenient. This had been his entire career. I hope my colleague Paul Goodman will forgive me reminding him of what was surely the greatest ever ConservativeHome editorial, which suggested that Johnson should be prime minister, but with rival Jeremy Hunt as a deputy, to handle the tedious business of running the country. Has any endorsement ever been less enthusiastic?

Conservative MPs knew who Johnson was during the 2019 election campaign, when he insisted his Brexit proposals wouldn’t create a regulatory border in the Irish Sea. Did any Tory correct the prime minister as he misled voters about a key feature of the deal that was the centrepiece of his election campaign? Of course not. Voters don’t care!

And that’s just Johnson. Is there any Conservative out there who wants to argue that, since their party took sole charge of the country in 2015, they have been a good government? Four years spent arguing about Brexit followed by 18 months of a lockdown policy that was conspicuously more interested in pubs than schools, and then three years of infighting. There are bright spots — the vaccine and the leadership on Ukraine — but the main theme has been chaos. We have had as many chancellors of the exchequer in the last nine years as we did in the preceding 30. 

And what is there to show for it? The party’s central economic policy has been to make it harder for British businesses to sell things to France. And, in fairness, it has achieved that — even if, for some reason, Conservatives are now reluctant to talk about it. Take that away, and you’re left with what? High taxes and a crumbling public realm. For months now, the most damning criticism of the state of the country at Prime Minister’s Questions has come from the Tory benches, as MPs complain that their constituents can’t see dentists or doctors. Not even Conservative MPs think that life is good under the Conservatives.

So I’m happy for the party to be crushed. I don’t go quite as far as the 46 per cent of the public who say Conservatives deserve to lose every seat, but I could live with that result far more easily than the party holding 250 seats. 

I want the Conservative Party from 2015 to 2024 to be a cautionary tale that politics professors whisper to terrify their students. Because if you can govern this badly, behave this badly, without any consequences, that would bode very ill indeed for our democracy.

[iniziare]

Hi!! I've been seeing your stuff in Gui's tag and I was wondering if you're okay with questions? If not, please ignore this :) But what do you think of Guiping as a ship? I've seen a lot of artwork that says its the ship that's 'closest' to be her canon ship or something like that. Thoughts? Have a nice day!!

Hi 'non! Thank you for this, and I never mind questions, if anything, I welcome them any day, as they kind of force me to test my knowledge unexpectedly (best way to do it really). I actually have a fair bit of thoughts on this topic, so I'm glad you asked! I took a bit of time to do some additional research so that I have my facts straight, or, straighter, but all of it kind of confirmed what I'd already come to the conclusion of.

So, my answer to this may be a bit of a hot (and sensitive) take, but please do know that this is based on analyses and quite some thorough research throughout months of writing Guizhong, because the 'Guiping outdoes all else' is discourse that I've absolutely been unable to avoid. So yes, let's talk about Guiping, and why I think that people's hyperfocus on the dynamic as immediately and inherently romantic is a take that comes with numerous problems. Not only do I think that it sorely takes away from at least three characters (of which two are female) in multiple ways, but it also absolutely disrespects the cultural significance tied to linguistics, all simply for the purpose of 'representation'. I think we live in a world where people are so big on representation that they're quick to label things unjustly. And aside from that, I'm also personally concerned with how quickly people see things as being 'romantic' in today's age and preach it to be the 'irrefutable canon', but I digress, I'm rambling, so let's actually get into it. I apologize, for this'll get long and ramble-y, if there is one character that I will type essays about for days and days, it is Guizhong. I don't know what it is about her, but she is the dearest to my heart in entirely different ways. So this will touch on more than just 'Guiping', and instead will talk about Guizhong, Ping, Cloud Retainer, and of course, also Zhongli. But I'll speak in what we can actually see, and hear, instead of what we might feel, and envision, and hope.

While I'll explain what I mean with the disservice to numerous characters soon, let's touch on my first point, and let's actually talk about why Guiping is so fiercely shouted from the rooftops, and put under a spotlight as it is. All of it, yes, all of it, stems from how Ping uses the translation of 'soulmate' to refer to Guizhong in the original Chinese text, along with the following quote, during Guizhong's reveal in 2023's Lantern Rite:

"When the one attuned to my soul is no longer here, who else could hope to understand this tune?"

Without some critical thought, many in today's would consider this to be a reference to someone Ping would have likely been in love with, but I think (and I don't even mean this with genuine disrespect) that it's a shallow take for multiple reasons, but let me explain why. I think the best way of doing so, is to actually look at the terminology used in Chinese that people then translate from. In the original Chinese text, Ping uses 知音 (pronounced as zhīyīn in Mandarin) when speaking of Guizhong, and after some research, I found this thread. Now let me quote a little from it, because why try to put it into words on my own, when this author and translator's explanation is really quite formidable:

zhī 知: to know, knowing yīn 音: music, sound Literally, a zhīyīn is someone who "truly understands your songs." The term zhīyīn comes from a story about finding a kindred spirit through music. There are many versions of the story, and here is one of them: One day, the musician Yu Boya was playing a qin in the wilderness, when he met Zhong Ziqi. When Boya played one song, Ziqi immediately understood it and described it as reflecting the mood of soaring mountains (高山). When Boya played another song, Ziqi also comprehended immediately and described it as creating the mood of flowing waters (流水). Ziqi could understand all of Boya's songs. When Ziqi passed away, Boya felt so distressed that he destroyed his qin and never played it again. Boya thought of Ziqi as a "zhīyīn," and that term continues to be widely used to this day.

With its origins and explanation behind us, let's actually look at its definition and how it is modernly translated into the West's English language, while retaining its actual meaning:

In a modern context, the term of "zhīyīn" is often translated into English as a soulmate, a kindred spirit, or a very close friend, but at its core, it's a term that refers to a type of intensely emotional, spiritual, and platonic connection with someone.

In truth, the term 'soulmate' has never in any language, even in English, been irrefutably tied to a romantic love, but current times seem to have people conflate it with such a concept. But in reality, it's never been an automatic deduction. A soulmate refers to a kindred spirit, someone who understands an element of your person (or your entirety) in a way others might not. It means that there is a connection that defies the norm, a connection that's deeper than that, but 'deeper' does not equate 'romantic'. A romantic connection is not, by default, a representation of the deepest connection that you can have with a person. Hot take, but your partner in life is not automatically your soulmate, nor your kindred spirit. That's an addition that is rare in existence, it's not the foundation. Making that assumption is an incredibly modern takeaway, and it removes all weight of the word. But you know, let's actually take the origin of the word zhīyīn to move onto and into my next point, which is actually something that is most important to me as a writer of Guizhong.

Ping and Guizhong were, by all accounts, rivals in their area of music. The former found music to be an endeavor of the heart, while Guizhong invented an instrument that was able to compose melodies of its own accord (though also made note that it could never replicate or outdo human composers), a bit like 'AI' but in the olden days, which Ping opposed, so they clashed. Enough so that Morax had to intervene as to put a stop to it. But in this same element of musicality, they found a kinship with one another, something that they both understood (despite their differences) and bonded over. Yes, it went to a point where Ping felt like only Guizhong could understand the melodies that she composed. Only one that feels how you feel about the world around you (which is an immense thing), could come to comprehend what you mean to convey, or achieve with your song(s). We also know that they spent time together, but that isn't actually specific to their dynamic at all, and thinking so is an absolute neglect to a fundamental part of Guizhong's character. Well, you know, let's get into all of that. Because if we apply importance to all of these details, then we need to take into account that Ping was not the only one, and there is another who shared, honestly, the exact same connection with Guizhong, but over a different field of expertise.

Yes, I'm talking about our very own Cloud Retainer, the one who first properly introduces us to Guizhong as an individual (even if we technically already 'meet' her indirectly during Liyue's archon quest with Zhongli, more on that later), and the one that's entirely overlooked in this grand talk of 'those who sorely miss Guizhong'. Cloud Retainer's story with her is also described as being one rooted in rivalry, which, exactly like with Ping, is also put to rest by Morax' interventions (although this one is requested). They were both incredible inventors, and as Cloud Retainer notes in her 'Something to share' voiceline, she rather believes only Guizhong to be capable of helping her complete the larger version of her mechanical bird for all of the purposes she wants for it. Would another engineer/inventor with a similar understanding of the profound nature of mechanics (and how said inventor thinks), perhaps not be... the only one to 'understand' another? The origins of their stories— very similar, no? And yet, it doesn't stop there, and we also, at this point, need to take Morax into account as well (yes, I am pointing at the little laughing lines, just for a lighthearted addition to this long ramble of mine), but more on him as I continue.

Noting that Guizhong's time spent with Ping to be 'superior' or most meaningful is taking away, and immensely so, from the former's intricately extroverted nature. I invite you to listen to the tale Cloud Retainer recounts about her in this part of Lantern Rite's 2023 quest, so that you refresh your memory (or learn) on just how intense Guizhong was on her social gatherings, and in that, how much she thoroughly enjoyed all of the characters of Liyue, from the more known adepti, to other known gods (Marchosius) and adepti. These social gatherings, by all accounts, seem to have been entirely instigated by her, 'Guizhong often invited her friends to visit her home (...)', and it is noted that these banquets would last well into the night, until the sun rose anew. Guizhong was exceedingly extroverted, with all of the adepti, with all those she held dear, this was in her nature, and this was an incredibly common occurrence. What I'd like to point out at this point however, is that there's one place where such socializing was preserved, and that was right outside of Cloud Retainer's abode. And it's not just any 'spot', but let me explain.

For those unaware, the stone table at the beginning of the Echoes of the Heart cutscene, is still there, and can be found right outside of Cloud Retainer's abode. But it isn't just any table, its stools each bear an engraved name, one for Cloud Retainer herself, one for 'Rex' (Lapis), and one for Guizhong. It is also the only one that seems preserved, as if frozen in time. I say that, because the utensils are explicitly noted for each stool when you interact with them in-game. 'There is a bowl and a pair of chopsticks in front of the chair on the north side. Engraved on this chair is: "Here sits Guizhong."' These utensils are either replaced countless times in the 3700 years since her passing, or they're protected by adeptal energy. Both of which, I don't know about you, weaken my heart, because that to me shows an unwillingness or inability to let go, that's a continued form of mourning. That is right outside of Cloud Retainer's own abode. Tell me that this woman does not grieve the loss of Guizhong still, dare tell me that Ping outdoes everyone else's so entirely, that it should be negated or worse, neglected entirely. I know all of this is a bit of a mess, but to return to this video for a moment, tell me that Cloud Retainer does not sound as if she's still grieving, that she doesn't sound wistful. And tell me, as you read the following, what I've written so far, and after what I'm about to write still, that Ping is the only one who 'grieves' Guizhong's loss:

Paimon: Or are you saying that... it was Guizhong? Didn't she, um... already, um... Cloud Retainer: Alas... Long has one avoided this place for precisely that reason. The sights here are a reminder of a time long gone, and evoke much sorrow.

For anyone's recollection: it has been 3700 years since Guizhong died. Now, to also touch on Zhongli here, and I want to begin by reminding people of Shenhe's voiceline about him:

That gentleman claims to be a mortal, yet is very familiar with my master, who is an adeptus. Master once said: "If you see him drinking on a stone stool in front of my abode, do not disturb him. Let him sit quietly for a while." And that's precisely what I did.

And if you want your heart to break just a little bit more after you read that, then have a look at 'The Divine Stone Sees the World', the Genshin Impact EP made specifically for Zhongli by Hoyoverse, to see the visual tied to this little voiceline. Not just that, but look where he sits, look what's in front of him to find out whose seat that is. I'll let you find out for yourself, but I will say that he's not seated on his own stool. Outside of this, even while Zhongli, as one who enjoys recounting tales, hasn't spoken of her at the time of me writing this, there is so much in him that shows that he, too, is mourning or is at least remembering times long past, times that included her. I will raise the topic of the Rite of Parting that we helped him prepare during the Archon Quest, the one where we had to collect Glaze Lilies, and Noctilucous Jade, and a perfume for an older woman. All ingredients that are either directly or indirectly tied to Guizhong, no? If you agree, tell me that the Rite of Parting was for him, still. Tell me that Ping's mourning outdoes that of his, or Cloud Retainer's, like I see people on X and Tumblr respectively claim.

But then, in that light, I know that a common take to Guizhong, too, is that of polyamory, instead of acknowledging that perhaps, she was simply one who bore incredibly deep friendships across the board. Romance is not, by default, the deepest form of connection, and what saddens me more, is the willingness to make one character's being about romance. Guizhong is fundamental in the values that you see in Liyue to this day, she is more than just ship fodder, and she is more than just a character to use as 'F/F ship fodder, because I'm still waiting on a proper explanation as to why I should condemn other characters for it, or see it as canon, if there even is such a thing in Genshin Impact, outside of 'it's an F/F ship, Sae, let us have this.' No, why? If you insist on shoving it down my throat as the be all, end all, and it outdoes the connection between Cloud Retainer and Guizhong, and Morax and Guizhong, then I want more than that. Because quite frankly, I could make a better argument for the other two (not that I am, despite my bias towards the latter after a lot of crumbs all over the place, but that's a topic for another day). If people are going to make a claim for a ship, and are prepared to hate on other ships for it, then I'd love to know proper substantiation. And don't worry, 'non, I'm not talking about you whatsoever. I actually appreciate the question a lot, because this is a topic that I've been wanting to touch on (albeit, I wish I was more coherent, but I'll sum this up for Guizhong's navigation page soon). I'm just easily frustrated when people start throwing hate, and I'm tired enough that I'll verbally build castle walls to counter it.

But I'll leave you with one more point, which isn't specific to Guiping exactly, but to remind people of something fundamental about Liyue, that no other nation has done. What Liyue, and 'previously' the Guili Assembly, is so representative of, is how two 'forces' that should oppose one another, actually worked together willingly, and peacefully in perfect harmony. The 'adepti' in Liyue, outside of those who were referred to as Gods (Morax, Guizhong, and Marchosius), are elemental beings that are native to Teyvat. From what we know, outside of humanity and the 'Seelies', all life on Teyvat stems from its seven sovereigns (as we learned from Nahida's second story quest). Which means that by all logic, they should oppose everything that the Gods are, as they are, in essence, usurpers (indirectly through the Primordial One), and yet, look at what Liyue achieved that no other nation has in any such way: harmony. And not just that, but they found active, and willing cooperation with one another. And that is also what makes the concept of incredibly deep friendships between these adepti and gods that should dislike one another, incredibly beautiful. And I think that turning those dynamics into something immediately romantic, takes away from that. I think too many people forget about what makes Liyue so unique, and so gut wrenching.

P.S.: Before it's potentially pointed out, yes, I actively ship Morax/Guizhong, but I tried my best to keep that out of my opinion against Guiping being called 'canon', as it is not the reason why I oppose it, which I hope my answer made obvious. I will happily go into why I believe that those two did have a dynamic that went past a deep friendship and alliance one day, because my beliefs for it are quite vast and very deeply substantiated, and no, it is not because it is a 'hetero ship' (they're gods, I firmly believe that they defy sexes). But I'll save that for a different day.

[rottenpumpkin13]

There is stuff I'd like to write about, and I have a lot of ideas, but I find it hard to, one find the motivation to finish writing stuff after I start and two find the time to actually set aside and do it. Do you have any advice for writing when you have the ideas but not the time or motivation. My writing style also tends to be very detail heavy and I've been told I describe the details very clumsily and my first draft a lot of the time and I don't know how to edit to try and fix that. What is your writing process like?

Writing Advice

Caveat: My writing's not perfect at all, I struggle with writer's block constantly, and I've only just recently gotten my style to a point where I'm happy with it. Take what resonates and I hope something here is helpful ❤️

1) Don't put pressure on yourself to write. Don't force yourself to write. Don't beat yourself up over not writing. I'm a big believer in forcing yourself to write when you don't want to write ≠ good writing.

2) You may feel like you need to get all of these ideas out, but maybe your brain isn't telling you to write. Think of your brain as a petulant toddler with picky eating habits. You so desperately want to feed it some writing, but it's asking for reading. You want to feed it some reading, but it's asking for writing. You want to read and write, but your brain is asking for drawing, or a movie, or sleep.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Feed your brain what it's asking for. If it's not asking for writing at that moment, that's ok! Sometimes it needs the fuel from something else to have the energy to write.

3) Try to find an outlet that makes the words flow from you uncontrollably (like water!). For me it's always music. I can't write in silence, and before I write I always play a game with myself that's like "Ok what's Pumpkin's brain asking for today? Is it classical music? Is it ambience sounds related to the scene I'm writing? Is it pop music? I never know before I try it out, and when I do find it, it's like I've turned on a faucet. It could not be music for you though! You never know, it could very well be YouTube/TikTok videos, reading, or anything else that inspires you.

4) I also struggle with motivation + time thing, and soooooo get where you're coming from *cries* What I found that helps me is taking it one step at a time! think of writing as cooking a recipe. You don't just throw everything into the pot all at once and hope for the best, it's a process. What I do first is I draft my scenes as transcripts.

For example a draft of a scene would look like this:

[scene description, what characters are doing, who's there, the vibe, what the weather feels like, etc etc]

character A: dialogue

character B: dialogue

character A: dialogue

And then I go over it with actual writing a.k.a filling it with the meat. This helps my squirrel brain work things out one step at a time.

5) And this may be the worst writing advice ever, but I'm going to go ahead and say take every bit of writing criticism you receive with a spoonful of salt. Not every piece of advice is useful, so learn how to distinguish good criticism from bad and apply it positively to your craft. Also, writing styles come in varying forms and sizes, as do stories themselves. That's why I believe writing advice is not one-size-fits-all.

You can receive bucket loads of good criticism + advice and apply it to your writing, but at the end of the day, all of it isn't going to get you anywhere if you, yourself, still aren't happy with your own writing. So write for yourself before you write for anyone else ❤️

I hope you took something useful out of this :)

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

melancholy slayer of kingdoms

my daughter made me a playlist awhile ago

my phone is a treasure that I rarely use

all the kids love to mess around on it

she called the playlist "slay" with star emicons all around

most of the songs are taylor swift

with some of my usual bangers I sing in the car

today I lived up to the verb

I took my oldest two aside to tell them of the changes

fuck, they never tell you how to do this stuff

and I've taken college classes on child development

fucking aced that shit too

I knew it was going to hurt them

I knew I was going to have to hold space for that hurt

and I was going to have to let them express it

however they wanted to and just be there to witness

and comfort where I could as the news sank in

they say the millennial burden we struggle with

is not "up hill both ways" or some misquoted bootstraps

it's holding space for feelings when we didn't get to have them

and let me tell you I've always had them

I just never had the right ones for anyone to handle

but that can always change and it will

the despair came up first after the first sadness

I wanted to avoid everything and cancel the plan

I didn't really consciously make it was more like

my intuition dragged me over the threshold to tell them

gave me the perfect opportunities and environment

oh, hey gavin looks like we are in the car alone together

let's talk about the changes that are going to happen

knowing how disconnected and isolated I've been

it fucking stabbed me and twisted when he said

something about his experience not mattering

how he was fine and it was my relationship

my inner critic wanted to tear me apart for that

look at me repeating cycles and making my son

feel exactly like little me who never belonged

not even in her own family let alone the world

but I'm changing it now so I can't get caught up in it

deep breath and a few more tears to wipe away

fiona wondered if we'd bring the dog

if she'd have to change schools or quit cheer

I told her if was just me changing locations

everything else would stay the same

I apologized to them both for letting myself be blinded

for not seeing the dysfunction for what it was

for not being able to move more quickly

at least I know now and have the strength to forge new

feel the feelings but don't attach to them

now I understand what the cards meant

I want to hold the guilt and the shame and the blame

against me and use it as a warm fire of self-loathing

that's what I used to do to make myself feel better

hate myself more than everyone around me

I could do it so much better than they ever could

that's not my practice now and my inner knowing

that glowing soothing warmth in this adjusting soul

it tells me I am doing my best and can only learn so quickly

as long as my intentions are good I can't control the rest

fuck this is hard but another step is taken

there's no going back and I'm taking inspired action

to be absolutely sure of history not repeating itself

"this one only brings pain and destruction"

yeah maybe that's true and I'm living up to my name

fi was worried about my room and asked how

we'd decorate it to look so nice in here again

they adjust so quickly and take things as they are

I held her weeping and told her it was okay to cry

I heard her breathing deeply to try and reel it in

my little dragons, my babies, those little sea horses

I created inside of me and brought into this world

that I'm still learning in and we're all growing together

through my mistakes and life's challenges

another step forward and another check on the list

I do feel a lightening of my burden now

this was the part I dreaded the most somehow

more of the fog has lifted and things feel more hopeful

outside there is thunder and flashes of light

I love the sound of the raining

I have this little black stuffed mothman I got at the mall

he's soft like my rabbits were

the sensory information I get from petting him

comforts me and my breathing evens

maybe the body never stops being a child

our intellect just fools us into thinking we're grown

[dndmidnight]

welcome to greatness (backstory - part 1)

author's note: hello there, anyone stumbling upon this! this is my first post on this account and i'm going to be, for now, taking you along for the story of my dnd character, wild. i'm quite new to the dnd scene and, as a result, my depiction of the world might be off and if so, i do apologize! i would love to hear from more seasoned players and enjoyers what i could fix up to make things more accurate! that aside, though, i do want to say that i am more than open to constructive criticism to the story itself as i'm trying to make my story (and eventually stories) fun and enjoyable for everyone! i haven't written a genuine story like this in a long time and i'm... definitely more than a little rusty (not to mention i've never been the greatest at writing). but! that being said, i do hope you enjoy the start to what will, hopefully, be a relatively long story! backstory itself will be two parts and, well, we'll see what the future holds for the rest of the story!

word count: 1,428

the sound of the panflute filled their ears as they sat across from their father, looking over the man as though they hadn’t seen him a million times before. as it happened every so often, they found themselves seized with the curiosity to know where they had come from, who their birth family was, and when they’d ever get to explore outside of the feywild. though this place was, undoubtedly, home to the child who only had vague memories of life beyond the plane, they couldn’t stop the yearning to know the things their father had only given them vague answers about.

“you’re giving me that look again, wild,” the satyr before them stated, a brow raised as he lowered his lips from the instrument in his hands. “what is it that you still find yourself wanting to know?” the question was one that wild was certain he knew the answer to but… they found themselves compelled to respond anyways.

“father, how come you’ve never taken beyond this plane? you tell me stories of your own time beyond all the time but… you’ve never once let me step beyond into the very plane i was born.” wild shifted from their previous position of leaning back on their hands to instead sit upright and crosslegged, iridescent eyes focused intently on the man before them. 

“in fact, any time we discuss the matter in regards to me, you always try to sidestep it. you knew well enough when you took me in that i’d eventually get curious about where i come from. after all, it’s not hard to tell that i come from beyond this plane. there’s no other tabaxi here but me.” wild kept their voice steady, though frustrations from prior conversations like this one rose in their chest, threatening the rise of their voice.

watching as the man closed his eyes and released a sigh, the former air of jolliness from his tune turned somber as he looked down at his adopted child, extending a hand for them to grab as he’d done with every other conversation before this. yet, all the same, they found themselves accepting the outreached hand, refusing to break eye contact as they did so.

“as you well know, you are not of this realm,” he began, dark eyes meeting the iridescent colors of wild’s. “you come from a parallel plane where magic and time don’t quite work the same as they do here. and part of the reason i keep you here is because of that.” a sigh escaped him as he looked down at their hands before continuing. “i worry that if i let you go out there you’ll just be disappointed at what you find. for all we know, your birth parents could have died in the time you’ve grown up here. or, on the other hand, you shouldn’t have aged at all for them and you’d simply seem like a crazy fool for trying to seek them out.”

as wild listened to the matter, they found themselves shifting uncomfortably as they learned of this information. while they knew this plane, which was only parallel to that of which they’d been born, operated differently, they couldn’t imagine, truly, that it would be that differently. yet, they also knew that, without his usual tell of withholding information, he was right.

“could there be a chance, though, that the time between us and them has not been so horribly warped, though?” they questioned, slowly bringing their cat-like eyes level to his own once more. “and… even if they’re gone or it’s only been a few months for them, surely someone would understand, wouldn’t they?”

there was an uneasy look in the satyr’s eyes as he contemplated his next words, squeezing wild’s hand tighter in his own for a moment, looking as though he was going to speak before backing out, leading to the tabaxi individual to speak up once more. “and what about this prophecy of greatness you told me about when i was younger? that the reason you brought me in was because you believed i could help others and achieve greatness in my life?” the leopard-person’s eyes had turned to that of almost pleading, their padded hands grasping their father’s own humanoid ones with enough pressure to have their claws peak out. this was a level of desperation that was new to them, something that they felt so strongly, they almost didn’t realize that their hands had gripped ever tighter on to the satyr’s.

there was a silence that fell between the two as it seemed like wild’s father waged a war in his own head, silently debating what he should tell them. after a long while of this silence, with a pained look, the satyr man finally released wild’s paws before standing, turning his back to the cat-like individual. “the clan that you were born into was one ruled by a tabaxi lord - an evil man who couldn’t look further from what you and your other clanmates did,” he revealed before finally turning back to them, a look in his eyes that wild couldn’t quite place, seeming as though he was looking into the past itself.

“when i brought you in, you were just a small thing wandering out by the woods, your parents preoccupied by something or the other at the call of the shaman in your clan. i had been watching over the clan for a few months at this point, aided by a prophecy i gleaned from the stars - likely the same one your own parents had named you after.” there was a pause here as he looked to wild, watching as they too moved to stand, curiosity at the story bright in their eyes.

“it was at this point that i knew i had to take my chance to rescue you, to get you away from the clan and raise you myself. though i’m almost certain your parents themselves weren’t nearly as evil as the lord of the clan and shaman that assisted him, i couldn’t risk letting them raise you into someone who was trapped there. especially knowing the prophecy that was calling for you. so, i took you away from them to care for you as if you were my own. i know not what exactly it is you’re meant to achieve in your lifetime, only that you’re meant to help people.”

as he finished this statement, a silence hung in the air between them as wild took in this new information. though they knew they were brought in as a result of this so-called prophecy, they’d also been under the impression that their parents had abandoned them or had passed them off to him. not that he had… stolen them away into some other plane. and for as much as they wanted to feel angry about it, they could only stop short at confused, hurt, and wondering what their life would have been like if he hadn’t gotten the chance to kidnap them.

“so you’ve kept me from them for… what? to make sure i wouldn’t defect back to this clan? so that i could fulfill some prophecy i probably can’t even fulfill while stuck here?” they questioned harshly, grinding their teeth together as they set their jaw, anger finally coming out on top as their primary emotion. yet, they also couldn’t find it in themselves to wait for an answer as they turned away from the man who had raised them, storming off to their own room in the little home they had.

if he wasn’t going to let them out of this place, and it felt clear to them that he didn’t plan on it for a long while, they would just have to go themselve, right? taking a bag they had stashed in the room, they began packing a number of items into it ranging from clothes, to a dagger, to their ocarina before pulling the ties shut and knotting it before exiting the room once more, finding themselves faced with a confused satyr. it was obvious he was going to ask what they were doing and, before he could bring the question out, wild was pushing past the much shorter man, and out of the opening of their home, setting their sights on somewhere far away from the city, wanting nothing more than to escape the lie they’d been living up to this point. their destination currently, though? the forest. if there was any place best to try and escape this plane, it was no doubt the forest, right?

[mangodestroyer]

Oh, yes! There is definitely something special about their bond. They basically knew each other since the beginning of time and they STILL care about each other very deeply after 6,000 years. Even after everything they've been through. Even if I don't envy some of the shit they've been put through, it's reassuring to know that if they ever do get past all that, they're basically guaranteed a happy, peaceful life with each other for eternity.

Yeah, you see, I was just feeling sad over the fact that I personally don't have such a close relationship with anyone. I have a very close, and very long-term friendship, sure, but nothing intimate and closer than family. My own family is pretty dysfunctional and isn't strong on the affection at all. And the only relationship I've had sucked. At first, they seemed very loving, but it wasn't long until they started acting annoyed with me. Disappointed in me. Acting like my interests were over the top and inconvenient/selfish. Same with me wanting to pursue an education or having any desires that didn't align with their own. They started getting argumentative and critical with me. If I got sick or anything like that, it was also pretty annoying. And they had zero interest in kissing me and all that. Even after almost two years when I finally just decided to break up with them.

Also, when I did visit them and get to know their family, they just seemed so cold. And her dad seemed to just straight up hate me. After that, the relationship really took a nose dive. And it was already getting rocky before. Idk why they even bothered with me if it seemed like they could hardly tolerate me as a person. Did they just not want to be single? Also towards the end of it, it feels like they were only in a relationship for the sake of starting a family, and also wanted someone who would do EVERYTHING with them and be just like them. At some point, they even admitted that they found a different kind of person more attractive than me (they were referring to a fictional character) but assured me that they still loved me. And hoped they would one day find a person like them (I was okay with a more open relationship at the time because I am AFAB and can't reproduce with them, and now I am 100% monogamous).

Idk, I just want someone in my life who actually seems to love me and isn't just annoyed by me. Actually wants to spend time with me and be more intimate/cuddle. Isn't bothered by my interests or flaws. Actually seems ATTRACTED to me. Doesn't find my life goals selfish. Doesn't just date me out of convenience. I mean, for years, I was convinced that I was hideous and unlovable because people told me so. And now, I get catcalled and all that, and have also had to deal with people being straight up creepy at times and harassing me. But it still doesn't feel like anyone wants to actually get to KNOW me and form a connection (even when I reach out and show that I'm interested in more than surface level friendship, and yes, I have worked on my social skills a ton and am more confident than I used to be). Outside of the one long term friendship, I at least seem to get along with people and they don't mind talking to me and all that. But do I get asked out on dates? Aside from my ex, the last time that happened was six years ago, and I just wasn't interested in the person.

Meanwhile, my friend seems to have found someone who they've known for seven years, and they seem so happy together. I'm on vacation with them rn and I'm happy for them and definitely think they deserve it! But damn if I'm not a little jealous whenever I see them kiss and cuddle and comfort each other and all that (things were a little rough for a bit with our trip, but we've figured it out). So it's possible. Ig there's just something about me that doesn't attract that kind of person.

Tbh, after the one toxic relationship, I learned that relationships do not guarantee happiness, so at least I'm not nearly as devastated about all this as I used to be (because being in an unhealthy relationship is so much worse than being single; my life has improved so much since leaving that person, despite all the other drama). I know I am probably very capable of living a fulfilling life without a SO. I sometimes wonder if that's actually how things are meant to be. But like I said, I do just want to have that one close relationship where I can be vulnerable and all that. Even if it's not another relationship, but a very close platonic relationship with another single person?

when i realise (again) that i will never have what crowley and aziraphale have

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

[ann-non]

Cold

Pairing : Jun x fem!reader

Genre : slice of life, domestic, fluff, a bit of crack (I guess?), established relationship, idol!svt

Word count : 3,1k

Warning : no proof-read

Author’s note : Just indulging in my own imagination. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Positive criticism, feedback, and comments are always welcome! Have a nice day or good night wherever you are!!

*****

With a fever patch on your forehead, you were laying on your bed helplessly underneath your comforter. The sound of your ringtone caused you to open your eyes, followed by a small whimper as you reached out your hand toward your nightstand. “Y/n, I’m done with my schedule today! Practice was canceled, can I come over? I miss you!!” Your boyfriend babbled excitedly as soon as you received his phone call.

His seemingly unlimited energy and excitement never fails to make you laugh. Though this time, a cough fit quickly stopped you before you could even comment anything. Jun’s excitement quickly turned into concern in an instant, “Baby, are you okay?” When the cough finally died down, you replied weakly, “I’ve been feeling unwell since last night. Maybe it’s better for you not to come. I don’t want you to catch it.”

With your boyfriend being an idol, you didn’t want him to spend his free day nursing you and risked himself getting sick as well along the way, but it’s Moon Junhui after all, the next second you know, he said, “No way! I’ll be there in 20!” And the call ended before you could react.

Sighing to yourself, you should’ve known better that there’s no way to stop him. After all, it was the main reason you didn’t tell him anything since last night. Ah, shouldn’t have received his call, you thought to yourself. Not because you didn’t want him to come. Heck, if you were being honest, you would love to have him with you all the time, especially when you’re sick and unable to take care of yourself like this. But you also understand that there is a part of him that belongs to his fans, meaning you can’t be selfish and you can’t risk him getting sick because of you since it’d make his fans worried too and definitely would mess his schedules, not to mention the rest of Seventeen too.

Despite your worries, your heart still swelled in happiness at his determination to see you regardless. Hearing the noises from your front door, you knew it must be Junhui. The two of you have yet to live together since it’s more convenient for him if he’s staying in Seventeen’s dorm. But he has your spare key just like you have their dorm’s key which Seungcheol entrusted to you after over a year of dating Jun.

Rushing footsteps could be heard from your living room and it only got louder until your bedroom door flung open, revealing a disheveled Junhui.“Y/n, my love!” He quickly walked to you after settling a big bag he brought with him on the floor. You tried to sit up, but he swiftly stopped you. “How are you feeling?” He asked with worry-filled eyes, his hand gently pushing aside the strands of hair that fell to your face.

“Awful,” you answered with a bitter smile, knowing there’s no need to lie to your boyfriend. “What’s that bag tho?” You continued, eyeing the bag he set on the floor earlier. “Oh, I’m staying here until you’re okay,” he grinned. “What? No! What about your schedules?” The surprise took over your body when you sat up in reflex, the movement was a bit much for your current condition that you couldn’t help your groan when the headache hit you like a hammer. Thankfully, Jun was there to help you right away

 “Don’t do sudden movements like that.. Your body can’t take it,” he said, helping you to rest your back comfortably against the headboard. “And don’t worry about anything else. If I don’t nurse you back to health, Coups would kill me. He’s scarier than your dad, you know,” he said, pouting childishly.

You were especially close to Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua ever since Jun brought you to hang out with them. Perhaps because you were the same age as these three and the fact that you managed to tame, in their words, THE Moon Junhui earned you respect from them. And with Seungcheol, he tends to act as if you were his sister, he was protective of you in a way that he’d make sure Jun takes care of you properly, so you weren’t too surprised that he was the one sending your boyfriend to nurse you. There were many occasions you would jokingly call him ‘dad’ while your boyfriend would happily play along, calling him ‘father-in-law’, and the leader would sulk the whole day much to your delight.

Dating Junhui was never easy, or dating an idol in general really, but Junhui and his members made things easier for you to bear. All thirteen of them were always considerate of you and so welcoming whenever you stopped by. Separating with your boyfriend when they have promotions or tours doesn't get easier even if you’ve been dealing with it for almost three years now. But their constant updates, random texts, random pics of them or sometimes just Junhui, helped you cope with missing him, and them actually. People might only care about the relationship they have with their partners, but for you, your relationship with Seventeen means just as much as your relationship with Junhui.

“Maybe I should call him. Wouldn’t want my ‘dad’ to get too worried,” you said with a playful smile on your face. ”You should. He was so ready to come here too if I didn’t stop him,” your boyfriend returned your smile with equal playfulness. “Have you eaten anything tho? It’s past lunch time,” he added. You softly shook your head. In all honesty, you haven’t eaten anything since morning cause you could barely move from your bed, but if you told him, Jun would only get more worried, so you kept the details to yourself. “Okay, let me make you something and while I’m at it, you can call Coups,” he said, placing a soft kiss on top of your head before he left your room.

Do you mind if I call you? You sent the short text before calling just in case Seungcheol was busy. But not even a minute later, you got an incoming call from him. “Dad!” You chimed happily, though your voice didn’t come out as cheery as you wanted it to be due to your stuffy nose and sore throat. “Who are you calling ‘dad’, you brat,” his snarky reply made you laugh in satisfaction because he reacted exactly as you expected.

”Why are you calling me? Did Jun cause you trouble instead of being helpful?” His tone softened. “No, it’s not like that. In fact, thanks for sending him here. He’s cooking now. I just thought I gotta at least call you so you’re not worried, /Dad/,” you said, chuckling playfully at the end of your sentence. ”Well, it sounds like you’re strong enough to annoy me, I don’t see the need to be worried,” he said nonchalantly, making you laugh more.

“Jokes aside, is it truly okay for him to stay until I’m fine tho? I don’t want to cause problems to any of you,” you voiced your concern. “Don’t worry about that, y/n. I’ll handle everything here,” the leader spoke with such assurance that convinced you in an instant. After knowing him for a while, you understand why Seungcheol was chosen as the leader of Seventeen and how deserving he is for the position.

“For real, thank you, Cheol,” you said sincerely, all playfulness was gone from your tone, only genuine gratitude which seems to have a counter effect for him. “Euh, you gotta rest before the illness takes over you!” He said in a faked disgusted tone and you replied with a dramatic disappointed voice, “Geez, here I am trying to be genuine for once, and yet..” You could hear his deep chuckle from the other end.

“Being a nice girl doesn’t suit you. The y/n I know is such a pain in the ass and that’s why I love her,” he said, you can hear the smile in his voice. “Awe~~ I love you too, Cheol~” you cooed, just in time your boyfriend entered the room with a tray of food in his hand. “Y/n, I didn’t tell you to call him to flirt!” Jun pouted when he heard your ‘I love you’ to his leader. Seungcheol laughed at his remark which was audible for Jun as well since you put the phone on loudspeaker.

“It’s a daughterly love, babe,” you nuzzled Junhui as he sat beside you. “Yikes! Am gonna yeet myself out then. I don’t wanna witness the two of you being chummy together,” Seungcheol commented. “Jun, take care of her well, okay?” He continued. “Yes, Dad~” your boyfriend sing-sang playfully. You could hear an incoherent grumble from the leader before the phone call ended. Glancing up at Junhui, the two of you laughed together.

As you calmed down, you realized the close proximity between the two of you and you quickly tried pulling away, worried that Jun might catch your cold. But your boyfriend firmly held you still in his warm embrace. “You might get sick too, Jun,” you said, trying to reason with him. “Nah, I won’t. They said fools will never catch a cold!” He replied with a determined face.

“Are you saying that you’re a fool?” You couldn’t help your giggle. “A fool for you! You should’ve known by now,” he answered in a matter of factly, making you shake your head at his antics. “Okay, okay.. Thank you, I guess,” you said with a small smile. “Wait, it’s not covid tho, right?” Jun suddenly pulled away from you, looking at you with suspicion in his eyes. “Well, isn’t it kinda too late for you to ask about that now?” You retorted, raising your brows cheekily.

“I’m serious, y/n!” He tried to look serious, but for you, he only looked adorable more than anything. “I took a rapid test twice last night to be sure. It’s not. I guess, it’s just a normal cold,” you explained, letting out a small chuckle that was soon interrupted by another cough fit. He quickly got back next to you, patting your back in hope it would help calm the cough, his other holding a cup of water for you, helping you drink it once your cough died down. “Thanks,” you gave him a sheepish smile.

Taking away the glass and settling it on the nightstand, Junhui placed the tray on his lap, then looked at you with his bright smile. “I made you some chicken porridge. Let me feed you,” he said, softly blowing on a spoonful of lightly steaming porridge. “I can eat just fine tho,” you said, the smile on your face showed that you didn’t have any intention to stop him though. “I know. But you’re sick and I want to pamper you like a princess!” His words again made you laugh.

“Aaa~” he cooed as he brought the spoon in front of your lips and you gladly obeyed, humming in appreciation at the delicious taste. It was no secret that Jun is one of the best cooks in Seventeen and he had shown his skill many times in front of cameras and also to you personally. But it never ceases to amaze you. Perhaps because you’re not good at it, it impressed you more.

“You treat me more like a kid than a princess tho,” you said after swallowing the porridge. “A princess has people doing things for her and kids have to be taken care of. I see no different,” he shrugged lightly. “Geez, I don’t know if I should be happy or not,” you gave him side eyes in return. “Awe. You should be happy cause that means you can have me all you want till you’re okay!” He puffed his chest proudly. “If you put it that way, I wanna stay sick then, so you won’t leave me,” you mumbled as you looked away with a childish pout.

“Awe~~ I’m sorry~” He pulled you against his chest as he cooed at you. “I won’t leave you even if you’re strong and healthy, baby. I love you too much!!” he added. “I know. It’s just.. We haven’t been able to meet up the past months and I know this is what I signed up for the moment I accepted you. Still, I can’t help myself from missing you, you know..” You felt your cheeks heated up as you voiced out your utmost thoughts with a small voice.

There weren't many occasions when you let out your selfish thoughts like this and maybe you were being like this due to your sickness. Yet whenever you did, he just couldn’t help the stupid giddy smile on his face and cooing at you. As you were older than him, you were the adult in the relationship most of the time. While he loves that just as is, he loves it more when you showed him your weaknesses and vulnerability, allowing him to shower you with love, affection, and care. If only you knew that he was basically in the palm of your hand. He’d do anything, give you anything you ever wanted in the world if it’s still within his power.

At the same time, he couldn’t shove away the guilt in his chest at the thought of himself abandoning you due to his busy idol life and the fact that he has to keep your relationship a secret from public eyes. Both of you were aware of it and if you couldn’t handle it, you would’ve told him from the very beginning. Then again, that doesn’t mean that you never wish your circumstances would be different. Even Jun himself occasionally thinks about how his life with you would be if he weren’t an idol. He loves both you and Seventeen so dearly, that’s true. However the reality of being an idol sometimes suffocates him with how restricted his life was.

The past month was hectic for him because of all the preparations he had to do before he left for China, which means you wouldn’t meet him for an even longer period of time. Both of you tried your best to spend time together here and there, yet the best you could manage was having a meal together once every few days. That’s why he was so excited to come over the moment his manager told him the practice was canceled and he could have the rest of the day for himself. Indeed it wasn’t ideal that you’re sick, but a tiny part of him was happy when Seungcheol told him to take care of you till you healed.

Well, it’s not without any conditions. The leader demanded him to finish his part of choreo idea by the time he’s back. It wasn’t easy, but just the thought of being able to be with you threw him over the moon regardless of the circumstances. Besides, you were his muse. If anything, he might be able to finish faster with you by his side. “I miss you just as much, y/n,” he mumbled, tightening his hold around you. His voice was no longer playful, yet it’s so tender and loving as he gently brushed his fingers through your soft hair.

“Geez. How am I supposed to deal with all this when you’re in China?” You muttered, burying your face against his chest. “You wanna come with us then? I don’t think Myungho would mind,” he looked at you with sparkles in his eyes, making you smile unconsciously at how adorable he was. “I think I can fit you in my suitcase!” He added excitedly. In all honesty, you weren’t sure if he was joking or being serious.

“Hey! I’m not that small!” you protested, childishly crossing your arms over your chest. It’s true that you weren’t blessed in the height department, but at least you’re around the same height as Woozi. Yet having one of the tallest members in Seventeen, of course, next to him, you’d look smaller than it supposed to be due to his giant build. “Awe. You’re the perfect size for my XL suitcase,” he cupped your cheeks and squished them lightly with a bright grin on his handsome face.

“I’m the same height as Woozi!” You said in defense, pouting at him while he still held your face and gazed directly to your eyes. “But you’re not bulky like him. You don’t have that muscle mass and I adore that about you~” he sing-sang, lightly pinching your cheeks then placing a quick peck on your lips, catching you off guard. “Hey!! What about not getting you sick too?!” You exclaimed a hair late as you covered your lips.

“Baby, I won’t get sick so easily. I’m a strong man,” he said, flexing his arms playfully, nonetheless it still accentuated his impressive biceps. “I need all the hugs, kisses, and cuddles as much as I can get now or I will really pack you in my luggage!” He added, sticking his tongue out boyishly causing you to shake your head whilst laughing softly.

After feeding you and making sure that you drank your medicine, he put aside the dishes and joined in the bed with you. A small whine left your lips because you were worried about him catching your cold, but honestly, you truly could use the comfort and warmth of his embrace. “I know telling you that you might catch my cold too would be useless, but if you really catch it, Seungcheol might kill us you know,” you mumbled softly as you laid on your side to face him.

“Nah, he would get mad, but he won’t kill us. He’s your dad, there’s no way he’d kill you,” he gasped dramatically as if he had a sudden realization or so. “He’d kill me..” He said with an overly exaggerated horror in his face and voice. “He won’t. But he’d definitely punish you in a way or another,” you replied lightly, chuckling at his antics.

“You must protect me then! He’s somehow always soft when it comes to you after all!” He pulled you into him as he nuzzled his face to your shoulder, acting scared. “You can just stay away from me and not catch the cold tho,” you said with a chuckle. A dramatic gasp left his lips once again as he pulled away, looking at you in disbelief. “How can you tell me that when you’re literally in front of me?!”

Dating Jun indeed was never easy, but one thing for sure, you would never have it any other way.