#BUT THINK ABOUT IT. THE DOGS!!!! THE GUNS!!! THE… THE COMEDIC TIMING OF IT ALL!!

[cobra-wives]

you give me lawrusso adjacent; chris naked in new york x ruben patterson shootfighter. essentially, literally any amalgamated mixture of the zacchio-verse and their roles. i don’t mind - i love them all.

i nod.

i raise you; cobra husbands adjacent; terry mccain excessive force x captain vernon the dog who saved summer.

pleaaase let them be the villains in johnny and daniel’s lives in EVERY UNIVERSE.

[imagine-darksiders]

Absolute Anarchy - chapter 2

The Bull.

A Darksiders/Scp au.

Cw: Animal death, threat, guns, shooting, references to goring, livestock, abuse, blood.

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Two days.

By your count, it’s been two days since you were pulled from the SCP’s cell and tossed unceremoniously back into your own with Mullins’s gloat echoing in your ear.

“Enjoy solitary, Scuzz.”

A slammed door, a buzzing overhead light, and nothing but your peeling wallpaper and creaky bed springs to keep you company…

Two days is beginning to feel like an eternity.

You have to remind yourself that it’s not.

They’ve only given you four meals, after all.

Taking a mental account of the trays that are shoved through the slat in your door is just about the only way you can measure the passage of time in here. Two meals a day, morning and evening. That’s the facility’s standard. And they’re all ‘served’ to you with the decorum of throwing slop to a pig.

Apparently, you revoked your rights to eat in the mess hall with the other D-Class after you refused to follow orders to shoot at the new SCP, or so you assume.

The first day was embarrassing, to say the least. You spent it in a state of near-complete hysteria, wailing and pitching a fit at the locked door, out of your mind with fear that at any moment, they’d come through it and drag you off to a fate worse than death. When you were hoarse in the throat, and your eyes red-raw from trying to scrub them dry, you hunched over in the corner like an animal, shivering violently in sporadic bursts.

Then the first meal arrived.

You ignored it, and it sat there unappealingly on the shelf attached to the slat on your side of the door until, hours later, that slat scraped open again and the second tray was shoved through, neatly sending its predecessor clattering to the floor.

It sounded so much like the gun you dropped in that thing’s cell.

It takes another few hours to muster the courage to unfold yourself from the corner and stumble towards the food, stepping absentmindedly around the grey porridge going hard on the floor.

The second day is spent on your back, staring bleakly up at a grey ceiling and trying to occupy your mind. Inevitably, your thoughts turn to the SCP. Moreso, the colossal gun fused with its biological arm, and the chambers that had been pointing straight at you, so much like Mullins’s Beretta…

But it hadn’t fired a single round…

Why…?

Well, you suppose you have an indeterminate amount of time to muse on its reasoning. You have no idea how long they plan to keep you in solitary, after all.

However, as punishments go, you think this one has so far been remarkably tame.

Nearly two whole days without being thrown to the wolves! Marvellous, in the grand scheme of things.

You suppose if anything, you ought to just settle in and enjoy the relative peace and quiet where you aren’t being tested against the nightmares of this facility.  Why, this isolation is practically bliss!

Of course, no sooner have you thrown that semi-optimistic spin on your situation…

“Oi!”

Somehow, not even complete and total separation from your fellow humans could make you miss the sound of Mullins’s strident shout.

When your door is roughly hauled open for the first time in days, you feel no joy or elation, and certainly not gratitude. All you know is the unshiftable ball of dread rolling around in your guts.

Mullins looms in the doorway once more, his lips moulded around a cigarette that hangs loosely between his teeth.

���Get movin’,” he growls, the dog end of his cig flaring like a red-hot poker, “Dinner time.”

-----

Is it comedic or tragic to find yourself once again standing rigidly in SCP-8103’s loading dock? Because you sure as Hell don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

When you arrived, you half expected the scientists to shove another rifle in your hands and order you to finish what you never even started. Instead, much to your astonishment and trepidation, they hadn’t given you so much as a by-your-leave before they forced you through the doors at gun point.

No instructions. No way to defend yourself. Just your jumpsuit, and your wits – which seem few and far between these days.

Chewing ravenously on your lip, you wait for the secondary door to start ascending; just another yawning beast opening up to welcome you into an entirely different maw.

You really, really don’t like what Mullins had alluded to when he said, ‘dinner time.’

Are you finally being thrown to the very deadly wolf?

The SCP did have teeth, you recall in uncomfortable detail. Very big, very sharp teeth, suggesting to you that it must have to use them at some point. Though for what, you hardly dare imagine.

You’d convinced yourself you got lucky the first time you were pulled from the cell without being riddled by giant bullets. Now you wonder if your luck wasn’t just biding its time, waiting for you to let your guard down before it suddenly pulls the rug out from under you and abandons you to your fate.

The secondary door of the loading dock whooshes open to admit you, and you have to release a shaky breath when no body flops through the gap. Then it occurs to you that the bodies might not have been removed by human hands, and suddenly you feel like being sick all over again. The blood is still there, of course, dark and dry and crusting over the tiniest cracks in the floor. But at least most of the truly gory viscera is… absent.

With an audible gulp, you tread carefully around the dark patch near your feet and tiptoe to the corner of the dock, bracing your spine to the wall.

Once again, you can’t hear anything inside. But it must have heard the door open. It must know you’re here.

“D-Class,” a scientist’s voice crackles over the speakers.

Almost instantly, a familiar growl thunders to life, spilling across the airwaves and rolling around the corner towards you.

Ah. There it is.

“Stop hiding by the door this instant and step into the containment unit.”

Well… If it didn’t know where you were before, it certainly does now. At least it’s stopped growling.

Biting down on the inside of your cheek, you lean cautiously out past the threshold, twisting your neck about to try and catch a glimpse of the entity before it can spot you.

Of course, that was wishful thinking.

A pair of golden eyes leer down at you from the other side of the room, sending you ducking back behind the wall with a gasp, clutching at the front of your jumpsuit. Whatever courage you’d scraped off the sides of your empty reserves had been entirely spent on throwing your weapon down the other day, defying orders and expecting, genuinely, to be gunned down.

You can’t do this again, not when your heart is on the verge of breaking out through your ribcage. Perhaps you can linger here in the doorway for the duration of the-

“-Now!”

You flinch, smacking the back of your skull against the wall.

“Ah! Shit.”

Right… Foolish of you to forget that in this place, choice is a badly concealed illusion.

You’ve already pushed your luck once, and just because it didn’t result in your becoming a lure subject for the Old Man or some other horrific fate, doesn’t mean that won’t happen if you continue to refuse orders.

You wonder how pathetic you must look to the Lab Coats now, sniffling in miserable resignation as you force yourself to edge around the corner, hugging the wall, with your eyes cast to the floor, falling back into that old childhood mindset that if you can’t see the monster, then the monster can’t see you.

The door you’d crept beneath falls shut with a deafening ‘wham,’ and there’s the familiar whirring of the locks as they pivot back into place.

You’re immediately greeted by a low, throaty rumble from the SCP.

Quaking, you drag your gaze off the floor and venture a glance up at the other end of the cell.

And there it is.

Stooped in a crouch against the furthest wall of its cell, SCP-8103 is lurking, that streamlined tail lifting and slumping to the ground like an agitated feline’s, and its great, silver head turned in your direction, poised to watch you through raptorial eyes.

A lipless mouth peels apart and issues a steady hiss between its blackened fangs, eyelids narrowing to thin slits that bleed golden light.

“Hssss…!”

“…Yeah,” you murmur under your breath, bracing each palm on the wall and pushing yourself away from the security of having a solid surface pressed to your fragile spine, “I’m not exactly thrilled to see you again either.”

The entity’s hiss peters off at the sound of your voice, and for an uncomfortably long moment, the pair of you merely regard each other; it with apparent aloofness and you with the trepidation of a mouse trying to step through a trap unscathed.

There is one imminently glaring thing that you can’t help but notice; the entity has made no move to aim its gun arm at you, which you suppose is a good thing. Evidently, it appears content for the time being to simply glare down at you from the opposite side of the room.

Does it even remember you? It must, if it isn’t aiming a weapon at you, you muse. Implying that it doesn’t see you as much of a threat.

Fine by you.

Hands clasping and unclasping, you somehow find the strength to tear your gaze away from its relentless stare and turn instead to the observation window, noting the several figures muddling about in the dimly lit room, some motionless, some scribbling away on their clipboards, and one hunched over a bank of monitors, no doubt keeping watch over everything that happens in this cell.

Swallowing past a lump in your throat, you flick a hurried glance over to the SCP again, only to go stiff when it turns its head parallel to the wall behind it, regarding you from the corner of one eye. At least it doesn’t otherwise seem inclined to move any more than that.

“Um…” Breathing a near silent sigh, shuddering at the thought of accidentally provoking a reaction, you peel your tongue from the roof of your mouth and shout-whisper at the window, “I… I never got a debrief?”

The inferred question goes unanswered, and you’re just beginning to muse on whether or not they can even hear you when the speakers crackle to life once more.

“D-One-nine-three-five…” comes a female voice this time, clipped and staccato. And cold. Cold like an icy road in winter, dangerous on all fronts for those unprepared to face it.

“Approach SCP and commence interrogation.”

Interrogation?

As if it understood the word just as well as you do, the entity’s tail flicks up to curl over its helm in one, smooth motion, pivoting slowly towards the window as a quiet hum starts to build at the base of its throat.

“So, that’s their game,” you huff, watching the SCP snap its jaws at the scientists, privately pleased that the focus has shifted away from you for the time being.

For as much as they like to try and impress upon you all that this place is a research facility, not a prison, the Lab Coats aren’t very good at keeping a lid on the jailhouse jargon.

You can still remember your own awful interrogation, back before you learned what this place really was. Two men in grey suits, each carrying themselves with the highest level of self-importance…

‘Do you have any family?’ they’d asked you in that too-bright room, a fluorescent light buzzing noisily overhead, ‘Close friends? Are you employed?’

You often kick yourself for not hearing their real question woven between the lines.

‘Is there anyone who would notice your absence?’

You’d been blinded by confusion, panicking from the sudden threat of having your future ripped away from you, bleak as it was. It might have been bleak, but it was still yours.

You answered ‘no.’

It probably wouldn’t have made a difference even if you’d told them ‘yes.’ They’d have soon found you out to be a liar when they inevitably sent agents to administer amnestics to your supposed friends.

And now those same people want you to interrogate an unclassified, highly volatile SCP?

The deliberate echoing of their method sparks an uncomfortable comparison in your mind, and you find yourself suddenly unnerved by the idea that you D-Class aren’t truly so different from the entities in this place, are you?

Both subjected to tests you want no part in. Both locked up against your wills. Both at the mercy of people who believe your suffering will lead to the greater good…

You catch yourself before such thoughts can develop. Dangerous territory to be delving into.

Stupid.

But still, the irony of your paralleled circumstances doesn’t escape you.

Just how on Earth are you even supposed to begin interrogating a gigantic, unknowable entity anyway?

Say ‘How do you do,’ and offer a handshake?

Blowing a slow and unsteady breath through your lips, you elect to ignore the first order to move closer, and instead hope the scientists will be appeased when you open your mouth to speak.

Its attention has already returned to you, its horns jutting forwards like prongs ready to skewer.

You shove aside the visceral thought of your body dangling from one of those horns, and instead clear your throat, resolving to say whatever comes to mind. Even if it’s nonsense, even if it’s ineffectual, even if it’s…

“Er…. Mm. H-hello.”

Smooth as a country road…

The entity just stares down at you blankly for a second before two slitted nostrils open up just above its mouth, flaring widely as it gives the air an audible sniff.

It doesn’t raise its gun though, which is encouraging.

Giving another hard cough to re-clear your throat, you stammer out, “I-I… I like your gun?”

‘Smack.’

Someone must have slapped a palm to their face and left the microphone on for you to hear it. Still, that saves you from doing the same, at least. If you aren’t careful, this will quickly turn into less of an interrogation and more of a social blunder.

Even the SCP looks bewildered. You’re sure that’s the first time you’ve seen it blink – just a quick flicker of golden light as it recoils its head slightly and spares a glance down at the aforementioned weapon fused to its arm, helm cocked in the opposite direction.

“It… it is a gun, isn’t it?” you ramble on, clenching your hands into the overhanging sleeves of your jumpsuit, “I mean, I never actually saw you fire it but… I – I can only assume that’s what… happened to the people before me…” Your sentence tapers off into silence when the entity looks down at you once more, opening its mouth.

You brace yourself, all the breath caught in your lungs whilst you wait for it to let out another snarl… Or worse…

Instead, what travels up its throat and slips between its crooked fangs is less aggression and more… well, you don’t know what. But it’s a far less vehement sound than you’ve heard prior. A hum, you suppose, still deep and hollow, but the intention behind it doesn’t strike with the same chord as a growl.

“I suppose I should thank you for that,” you add with a stilted laugh that doesn’t even touch genuine. When the beast blinks again, you hastily add, “For not killing me, I mean. Not for… Well, y’know.”

A vague gesture at the blood staining the walls and floor says more than enough, though it is odd that the SCP’s gaze follows your hands and glances at each of the dark patches in turn, warbling another strange note from its chest.

“Sooo…~ Yeah.” Drumming your fingertips against the front of your thighs, you click your tongue and reach for anything constructive to say. “Thank you.”

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“Did you see that?”

The scientist’s painted lips crook up, intrigued. The expression is quick to falter as she glances about at her peers, all of whom are shooting her looks of varying uncertainty.

With a sharp tut, she stabs her chin at the SCP. “It reacted to the mention of its gun. Looked right at it when the D-Class referred to it. Which tells us…”

When all she received are several, blank faces, she heaves an enormous sigh and lifts a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose, eyes screwing shut in exasperation. “If it looked to the gun when the D-Class mentioned its gun….?”

“Oh!” It’s her intern who eventually pipes up. “It speaks English!”

Frankly, she thinks her fellow researchers ought to be embarrassed that a greenhorn is the one who makes the connection.

“Or understands it, at least,” she adds, flicking the microphone on once more.

"D-One-nine-three-five. Tailor your inquiries to matters of the SCP’s origins.”

With the instruction dished out, she removes her finger from the switch and steps closer to the observation window, taking a mental note of each expression flitting across the D-Class’s face.

Surprise, then horror, then settling on a grim acceptance, illustrated by the hard line your lips draw themselves into.

At the very least, she plans to get some information about the SCP before the next, real test can begin.

Tossing a look over her shoulder at Mullins, she asks, “Is the specimen ready?”

The guard, who had previously been leering at the scientists from his spot by the door, snaps to attention with a click of his boot before he whips out his walkie-talkie and mutters something into it.

After a static-laden response from the other side, he gives her a nod. “It’s in the crush,” he says, “Prepped and ready to be deployed.”

“Good,” she returns, straightening her back with a satisfied hum, “We’ll give the D-Class a few more minutes to get what little information out of this thing is to be had…. Activate the crush at…” Trailing off, she checks her watch, “- Fourteen hundred hours.”

Bringing everything right up to schedule.

Perfect.

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You wonder if you’ll go down in the Foundation’s history as being the first D-Class who ever thanked an SCP for not killing them.

What you said - that hesitant, ‘Thank you.' - you said with the intent to appease the armoured titan somehow, a feeble attempt at appealing to whatever intelligence might lay behind its silver helm.

Because you’re only too aware that in this cell, placating the enemy is the sole weapon you have in your arsenal. For when the enemy is this much larger, stronger, and deadlier than you are, you’ll never beat it in a confrontation.

You had not, however, expected that this kind of SCP was the type to be assuaged.

And yet…

By some miracle, you’re still alive, and the fact that its thunderous growls have petered out entirely suggests you’ve done something right, at least. Even if that something was just letting your mouth talk while your brain was busy frantically trying to make sense of the SCP’s bizarre behaviour.

Is it the sound of your voice that’s caused it to fall silent and take a single, heavy step towards you – one that you match with a rapid retreat of your own – or is it the words themselves that seem to have piqued its curiosity.

And if the latter rings true, would that imply that this entity is capable of understanding English?

Now there’s a question that befits a proper interrogation.

You have to admit, you’re about willing to ask it anything that’ll stop the beast from backing you into the far wall, something it’s been doing with its slow, measured steps for the past few moments, the pale pupils of its eyes large and round as it angles its head from side to side and peers down at you like it means to take you in from every perspective.

“Hey, um-“ you begin, swallowing your spit when the tail sprouting from its back twitches with apparent interest, “Can you… understand me?”

You almost feel the scientists holding their collective breaths. From the corner of an eye, you see several of them lean closer to the window.

Even you’re waiting on tenterhooks as it pauses, one of those terrible, clawed feet thumping back down in the spot it had just lifted from. You give the SCP a moment, but soon enough, as it raises its snout to the air and gives a few audible sniffs with those slanted nostrils, you realise you’re not going to get a discernible response.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no,’ then,” you finally add, neither pleased nor put out by the revelation. All you want is to leave this cell. Once is lucky, twice is coincidence. You don’t want to find out if you’ll survive your third visit…

It doesn’t offer a response beyond lowering its head and staring straight down at you again, an upsetting display that leaves you feeling as though you’re being pinned by the gaze of a hunter.

“So, can I come out now, or...?” you ask the people on the other side of the window without taking your eyes off the towering brute. There’s only half a containment cell separating you from it.

You don’t realise at first why nobody responds to you.

Their silence is quick to make sense however, when there’s a sudden sound to your right.

At the disturbance, you nearly trip over your own feet in your haste to face the noise, and as you do, the SCP follows suit, its tail hurtling up into position above its head, aimed with rigid precision at a large panel of the otherwise featureless wall that’s suddenly sprung open.

A door, you realise belatedly.

And your stomach drops the moment you remember exactly what kind of door it is.

You’ve only seen it in operation once, in a much different cell with a much different SCP.

D-Class call them ‘feeding tubes.’

The Lab Coats call them ‘crushes;’ close-fitting cages hidden behind the walls of a cell where drugged up livestock are held until the scientists release them into an SCP’s unit for consumption….

‘Dinner time.’

“Oh, fuck,” you hiss through your teeth.

You can’t see around the corner into the crush, but goddamn, you can hear the very recognisable bellow of an animal that’s just come around from sedation, its hooves stamping in confused fury against the metal floor beneath it.

A stomach-lurching snarl punches through the air and draws a cry of fright from your lungs. The SCP’s hackles are raised, bulging and bristling as it snaps at something you can’t yet see, its black fangs protruding from dark gums, and the pupils in its golden stare shrinking down to pinpricks.

And worst of all, bad enough to put the fear of death back into your quibbling heart, is the arm it raises slowly into the air, the all-too familiar whirring of machinery filling your ears as the cylinders near its elbow start to rotate - a gatling gun gearing up to fire.

The animal in the crush snorts madly, and with an abrupt rattling of metal followed by a clang and a thud, it charges from its confines and hurtles through the gap into the cell, a blur of black hair and dark, rolling eyes and a pair of horns lancing forwards from the top of its head.

It’s a bull.

Massive, terrified, furious.

You let out an embarrassing bleat when he bursts into the cell.

Almost at once, he catches sight of the titan in front of him, and he throws his head back with a snort, cloven hooves scrabbling to find purchase on the smooth concrete floor as he skids to a halt just several yards shy of the looming SCP.

You can only reason that he’s burned through the sedative quicker than anticipated. Usually, the livestock are so drowsy, they’ll stand stock still and do absolutely nothing to stop themselves from being killed or eaten alive by the SCPs.

Even months down the line, you still shudder to recall the time you painted the floor of SCP-5031’s cell with the contents of your stomach after witnessing it slice mercilessly into an unfortunate sheep.

You’re really not eager to have a repeated incident here.

Flanks quivering with adrenaline, the bull’s bulging eyes stare up at the colossus in front of him. And then, as bulls are often wont to do, he begins to size up his opponent.

Your heart flips upside down in your chest as you wedge yourself firmly into the corner, blood-shot eyes darting up to the SCP’s gun arm.

Why hasn’t it fired yet?

The gun is still humming, aimed squarely at the poor animal, but all its wielder does is snap its fangs together a few times, not unlike a bird clacking its beak to warn others off its territory.

In response, the bull huffs a breath through wide nostrils, sweat clinging to his glossy shoulders. Then, tossing his horns and turning to the side, he begins a back-and-forth trot from left to right in front of the SCP, who tracks the agitated creature’s movements steadily with its weapon.

But still, it doesn’t shoot.

Your knocking knees can’t hold you up any longer, and they give out quite promptly, forcing you to hunker down instead. The position in your corner is too open, too vulnerable. If bullets do start flying, you need to be as tiny a target as possible.

Breathing fast and hard, your vision starts to swim as you shoot a desperate, pleading glance at the window, praying to a god you no longer believe in that one of the Lab Coats will take pity on you and open the door.

It’s wishful thinking at its finest.

The bull’s moos only seem to grow increasingly frantic with each second that ticks by, shrill and broken as though he too is calling for help the only way he knows how. He paces like a caged rat, looking for an escape even as he continues throwing his head down and tilting his horns in the SCP’s direction. A meagre threat to be sure, but the bull isn’t to know that.

And as for the entity, while its arm continues to follow the bull's path across the room, its only outward acknowledgement of the animal in its cell is to utter a slow, continuous growl that seems to build towards an inevitable crescendo.

“Come on,” you breathe, teeth chattering between the words, “Open the fucking door!”

You shouldn’t have opened your mouth. You shouldn’t have made a sound. If only you’d just shut up and hunkered down in your corner, perhaps you wouldn’t have drawn any attention to yourself.

One of the bull’s ears flicks backwards, and all of a sudden, he wrenches himself away from the SCP and spins around on his hooves to face you, head held high and the whites of his eyes shining clear as day against his jet-black hair.

You meet that gaze; and understand. You’re both cattle here. Just a pair of frightened animals trapped against their wills with a common enemy who outmatches you in every conceivable aspect.

But the bull, of course, doesn’t think like you do. He doesn’t know you’re just as afraid as he is. He’s been brought here by creatures who look and sound and smell like you, and now here’s one of them: standing in front of him like a target, stark against his grey-walled cage with hard floors and no familiar sky over his head.

A bull doesn’t consider the fairness in a fight. A threat is a threat, no matter the size.

Tail whipping madly through the air, the bull leans back on his hindquarters, and before you can blink, he abruptly surges forwards into a head-long charge, nose tucked into his chest, horns aimed with deadly precision at your abdomen.

You don’t even notice when the SCP’s growls cut out. You’re too busy throwing your hands up in front of you and wrenching your head away from the charging missile, letting your jaw hang open around a silent scream. If you had the time, you’d pause to reflect on the irony of being killed by the least likely suspect.

As it is, the bull is only a few strides from you, hooves flying, thick neck rippling with muscle that’s about to thrust forwards and impale you on an entirely new set of horns. He bellows, the haunting din deafening to your ringing ears, and then he –

‘-BLAM!’

There’s an almighty thud, and something wet splatters across your shaking palms.

At last, your scream catches on a vocal cord, and the sound rips out of you like a wailing siren.

Someone in the observation room must have left the microphone on because you can suddenly hear an exclamation of ‘Jesus Christ!’

Your eyes are screwed shut so tightly, it’ll take a crowbar to pry them open again.

Even as the mechanical whir of machinery dies down, even as something with titanic lungs heaves deep, grunting breaths, even as the ground beneath your plimsoles vibrates with the fall of enormous feet, you don’t look.

You can’t.

You can’t… until out of nowhere, in a suddenly deafening quiet, your right hand is promptly and unexpectedly nudged.

Another piercing shriek fills the room as you wrench your eyes open and come face to face with a wall of silver and grey.

“FUCK!” you yelp, collapsing onto your backside but finding there’s nowhere to retreat to with your spine squashed up against the wall.

The SCP’s head is hovering before you, mere feet away, its yellow eyes almost crossing over one another to peer down at you, utterly still and disconcertingly silent.

‘Oh god. Oh god. Oh god….’ The words repeat in your head like a mantra, rapid-fire and frenetic.

But you don’t make a sound out loud.

Your mouth dangles open, not a breath nor a wheeze slipping in through your teeth as you wait, blood pounding in your ears. Somehow, even your body knows to be still. You’ve stopped shaking, too afraid for the adrenaline to control your muscles.

The instinct to play dead has taken over.

Through tear blurred eyes, you can see the SCP up close for the first time, the blank, white pupils floating in pools of gold, the charcoal skin sitting beneath the sockets of its visor, each nick and scrape zigzagging across the surface of its silver helm….

You let out a squeak when it pries its jaws apart and chuffs a hot breath over your face, catching the finer hairs at the side of your head and blowing them off your scalp. The air from its lungs smells acrid, and it burns your nose when you accidentally inhale.

It takes everything in you not to choke.

You wait for the bite. For the agony of those giant teeth sinking into your body and crushing you between them with a flex of its jaws. You wait, and wait, and wait, unheeding of the commotion occurring in the observation room. You only have eyes for the entity now, as though even taking the tiniest of glances away and breaking eye contact might spur it to attack.

Its horns, much like the bulls, jut forwards, each one a massive spear that hems you in on both sides, their tips nearly pressed to the wall to your left and right so that there’s truly nowhere to go.

"Please," you whisper, though it comes out wobbling, "Please, don't..."

A single blink is your only reply.

Then, as suddenly as it had crouched in front of you, the SCP - apparently satisfied with its impromptu inspection - lifts its great, silver head and stands up, moving away from you once more. Its leg stretches backwards, stepping deftly over the dark shape of -…

Oh…

Oh dear.

The bull lays dead on his front, hooves tucked up underneath his stomach. He had died collapsing forwards. And the only tell of what had killed him comes from a still smoking hole in the back of his skull. Murky eyes stare out at nothing and blood trickles in a steady stream from his nose, tongue lolling.

At first, your eyes dart over his entire body in search of wounds similar to those you saw on the D-Classes who died in here, but even with the fluorescent overheads lighting up every angle, you can’t pick out any other damage to his otherwise pristine pelt.

There’s only one wound.

One shot to the back of the head. Quick… Merciful.

Your eyes raise to the SCP’s gun arm and see that from one of the barrels, a dainty wisp of smoke is drifting steadily up towards the ceiling.

SCPs aren’t merciful.

What the Hell is this thing?

Peeling your bone-dry tongue off the roof of your mouth, you tilt your head back and gape up at the face of the entity towering above you. Its arm is reaching out for the bull, and you can do nothing but watch aghast as its clawed hand curls around the animal’s back legs and drags him back towards the opposite wall on the other end of the cell.

Slowly, methodically, it bends down onto its haunches and squares its stance over the bull, hissing at the Lab Coats behind their window like a lion guarding its kill. And like a lion, it doesn’t seem intent on letting the meat go to waste.

By the time the secondary door has begun to rise, you’ve scrunched your eyes shut again and slapped both hands over your ears to try and block out the sickening cacophony of snapping bones and the squeak of flesh being torn from muscle.

Staggering into the loading dock, you barely make it three steps inside before you collapse onto your knees, then your side, a wide-eyed, shivering mess of a human being.

Two guards have to haul you up by the arms, and without prompt, they drag you, crying hysterically, back to your cell.

[laswells-ashtray]

What if weapon!Price did get loaned out to another team to help with a mission and comes back more violent and snappy?

It takes work to locate him, when John doesn't want to be found you've got a snowball's chance in Hell finding him. But if there's one weakness they share, it's standing out in the cold with a fag in their mouth.

So, when he has an inkling that John is smoking, he's quick to appear out in John's typical hideyhole. One spot that's hidden from view that most people don't tend to notice unless it's pointed out to them.

John doesn't even blink at his sudden appearance, focused on his lighter as he lets out a string of curses trying to get the poor, abused thing to work.

So, he resigns himself to leaning against the wall and ignoring how the cold brick decimates his shirt in the fight to keep his body at a normal temperature as he crosses his arms and watches the angry sergeant in front of him.

The failing attempts to intimidate his lighter into working would be comedic if it didn't lead to John dropping the thing and stamping on the cheap plastic until it cracks, leaking lighter fluid over the concrete below his boots.

He had made the mistake of trusting another captain, allowing him to drag John onto a mission with a team of strangers who were all thrilled at the knowledge of working with their best weapon of war. The mission had been a success and John had returned back to him in one piece but the younger man had been prone to sporadic bursts of directionless anger.

The machinery that he had so carefully deconstructed with his hands, guiding him into the shape of a young man who made his own choices and fired a gun of his own accord. Only to be wrenched and shaken back into submission at the hands of someone MacMillan trusted with rusty tools and force.

He may as well have cut the wires with his own hands.

"Fuck did that lighter ever dae tae ye?" He utters, watching the Englishman with barely concealed concern.

John looks up at him with a blank expression that sends him years back in time, to meeting a young man who knocked him on his arse because the only thing he was trained to be was an attack dog in a muzzle. An expression he hadn't worn in months.

Mac doesn't comment on it, God knows John doesn't want to hear it. Instead, he uncrosses his arms and digs his obnoxious Barbie pink lighter out of his pocket, tossing it over to the sergeant. John only grunts in response.

"Heard ye almost ripped the face aff ae Miller."

John doesn't attempt to feign guilt, it would be an insult to the both of them. "He was running his mouth."

"He does that a lot, it's never really been an issue wae ye before."

He's yet again met with silence that has guilt churning in his gut as he closes the distance between them. John's attention has not so subtly drifted back to his cigarette as he lights it, the closest to a fuck off he'll offer Mac.

"Ye ken talk aboot it if ye want, unlikely but the offers there. Or ye can spar it oot wae me and batter someone as ye so desperately want tae dae." It's the closest to a proper apology that he'll offer John.

He might've helped mould John into the finger on the trigger instead of the barrel on the gun but you can't shape a weapon into a human capable of proper communication skills if you haven't mastered them yourself.

"I'll think about it."

"That's aw a'll ask of ye."

[catzz089]

omg Ive come back from war (ADHD burnout) and i missed imedently seeing two posts!! first off THE CHAPTER NAMES ur a comedic genius!! YESS MAX TAKING CARE OF CHARLES IM SOO HAPPY! sorry Mr Stroll pt2 wtf get that bag tho max ig. CARLOS CALLING THE SHOTS LOL! i love the carlos max friendship to be fair. hmmmm a backstory who are these exs hmmm??? AHH YEP LETS KILL JOS I WILL ILL HIT HIM WITH MY CAR FEEL THE POWER OF A BOXER ENGINE IN AN 18 YEAR OLD SUBARU! lol i feel charles panic about max seeing guns and shit on a personal level, like when someone i went to school with found pic of me shooting and showed them around my english class i panicked!! I lowkey wanna know how max reacts when he wakes up on top of charles like im down for cuddles with the homies buttt it gets to a point… INFORMANT HUUUHH (pls be oscar pls be oscar) Banger of a chapter it was like crack to me after disappearing into the oblivian that is uni.

CHAP 14!! iconic title once again! WHY TF R U IN A SHOP TILL 3AM not it! Max bby youve been attacked once lets not go for a second time drive the car (edit: i was mistaken fuck) someone wanna wife me up and let me drive their Ferrari like pls (or Corvette im not picky jk i want the Corvette)!!! PLS TELL CHARLES U FEEL LIKE UR STILL BEING WATCHED TF! yep vroom vroom i love cars :) was forced out of my hole to go do burnouts with friends (leagally) and i had soo much fun i rose again. NOOO NOT THE FERRARI!! JK MAX PLS BE OK!! yea ok fuck u rico u dog! yea its actually so crazy to me that ppl who give their cars to friends and their friends crash get pissed about the car straight away like ok champ u knew the risks. anyway shout charles being a decent person once again! AWWW MY BABIES YES THE HURT/COMFORT!! AND GOOD CAT DAD LIKE YEA FEED THEM CATS! fuck i hate concussions like genuinely they traumatised me. dont get into fights kids (or just dont block with ur face)! SHARE THE FUCKING BED U PUSSIES! YAYYY OK MAX PUT THAT HOT MAN IN UR BED! just letting u know u have “Mad threw his shirt across the room and flopped down, staring at Charles.” if u want to fix it to Max :) (if u even read all this lol ive rambled i havent had connection in daysss). oop good with cars max wanna tell charles why ur good with cars hmm so we can kill jos faster :) DAMMNN  THAT SLEEPING POSITION OK GAYS SORRY GUYS! 

YIPPIE SORRY TO HAVE LEFT YOU SO LONG!! BUT I ABSOLUTELY LIVED AS USUAL!!! 🩵

LBHA RETURNS!!!!

Thank you thank you, honestly sometimes I’m more proud of the names than the chapter

Max so eager and desperate to return the favour he forgot to check if Charles was actually sick or not 💔

Mr Stroll just comes in for a chat at least once a month, Charles freaks out every time but Max lowkey loves him so he can never do anything about it. “Oh, Charles. Lawrence came in again today! Oh he was so nice, he was telling me about his house back in Canada and how a deer ran into his house! Apparently it was really sweet, and his son coerced him back out of the house with some carrots. He’s such a great guy, honestly.” Meanwhile Charles is grinding his teeth thinking back on just how many shipments they’d stolen.(less since Max came about- significantly less)

Crazy amount of exes, crazy behaviour from them. All of them.

Bro you can’t just casually mention shooting things 😭😭 my very English mind cannot comprehend it

He’s thrilled. Completely thrilled. And panicked, he doesn’t want Charles to hate him (completely ignoring the insane amount of times he gets dragged into Charles’ arms) so he escapes. But he thinks about it for the rest of the week month day.

Big fan of informant! RIP for the Unj grind

Look they were having a rough, rough day at work, Charles feels really bad, he’s about to pay Max 5 times the regular overtime pay.

Yes Max. Take the car so you don’t get into any trouble…

LMAOOOOO, too real though I just want to marry rich

Don’t even worry, Charles knows Max feels watch, or at least, he knows Max is being watched. He won’t let anything happen to him again. Especially not like the first time. Any and all protections he has must be put in place for Max because anything less than safe is failure.

Poor Ferrari 💔 how will it recover 💔

I understand it if the friend is like drunk driving or smth, but if it’s not their fault the stfu. Max is just simply panicking for no reason tho, bc he’s just a little dramatic

I’m such a sucker for hurt/comfort it’s the best genre ever

BRO WHO WERE U FIGHTING??(and did you win??)

NOOOOO OMG EVER TIME BRO EVERY DAMN TIME IT BECOMES MAD 😭😭

Hasn’t even crossed Max’s mind I’m afraid, it’s actually totally normal for his father to be a bit odd and overbearing nothing wrong w it at all

THANK YOU QUEEN 💞💞💞💞💞💞♥️♥️♥️♥️

[just-some-guy-joust]

im stubborn and i like talking here's the reasons i put every character i did in side a into the tourney. I'll do side b later cause i gotta go to bed soon

important first note, quite a few of my decisions were because i was trying to get women in here and it was getting desperate because i had to cut out a lot of women for only being "just some guy" because they were written by a misogynist that made her sit on the sidelines and cheer for the male leads. The Woman Situation Is Always So Fucking Dire.

anyways on to the actual contestants im gonna start with the characters that have been causing the most people to start up shit about them not being just some guy

barry bluejeans (taz balance): 2 submissions, personal bias. i think a lot of people are misunderstanding what this tournament is tbh. this isnt about the "normal" characters, tho normalcy does play a factor in it. this is about dudes who are just some guy. there is a difference. barry is a dnd npc who wears blue jeans in a fantasy world and he loves his wife. yes he is a lich. yes he is involved in the main plot. he's also just chillin. like if the plot didn't happen the way it did barry would be playing sudoku or crosswords. he'd be an average man in a very fantasy world. he is so average and human its funny. he is just some guy

tommy (hlvrai): 1 submission, personal bias. his just some guy energy is so there. he gets a propeller hat that does nothing when all of his crew is getting cool guns and upgrades. his life goal is to go home and take his dog for a walk. he gets a chuck e cheese birthday party. he sounds like he's going to burst into tears at any moment. compared to the rest of the crew, tommy is comedically just some guy

ulala (persona 2): 1 submission, description swayed me. it described the list of characters in persona 2 and ulala was just "your roommate that wanted to go to a party". that's hilarious. also i was getting fucking desperate for women that didn't suck ass as i stated above

apollo (ace attorney): 2 submissions, personal bias, descriptions swayed me. yall the submissions for him were so fucking funny. he's just a lawyer. he just wants to do his job but he lives in the ace attorney universe so everything is fucked all the time. he would've been a normal lawyer if he hadn't met phoenix wright. he's just chillin.

ok now here's every other character

sasha james (tma): 1 submission, friend bias, good description. i asked r if i should put her in because they know tma and they said yes. submission described her as loving to organize and avoided many monsters by being just some guy.

reigen arataka (mp100): 2 submissions. i thought it'd be funny and i was right. he is also just a normal man pretending he's not and he refuses to give up the bit he 100% deserves to be here

joy (underworld office): 1 submission, friend bias. the mc is going through wild ghost related problems and she's just going . hey man. you good??? r's sister submitted her and im not letting her down dude she's awesome

junpei (zero escape): 3 submissions, personal bias. he is literally the only character who has no connection to the larger mystery he's just there because he loves 1 girl. he's PAINFULLY and VITALLY just a dude. i need him

horse (centaurworld): 1 submission. i thought it'd be really funny to include just a horse. her name is horse. thats fucking awesome dude

phone guy (fnaf): 2 submissions. he was the only character from fnaf that got more than 1 submission and there were like 9 fnaf submissions i kinda felt bad tbh. he was also the best example of just some guy out of all the fnaf submissions

gordon freeman (hlvrai): 1 submission. he is a guy playing a video game. he is the straight man to the rest of the crews antics and by god he plays his role well

joshua gillespie (tma): 4 submissions, friend bias, hilarious descriptions. he avoids getting killed because he's so good at following instructions despite him clearly supposed to be dying here. they said don't open the coffin so he didn't. simply don't tuesday

namari (dungeon meshi): 1 submission, personal bias. i like her c: she's pretty level headed compared to like. everyone else in laios's crew. she seems like somebody i could just be friends with and hang out with

shez (fire emblem): 3 submissions, hilarious descriptions. i might try getting into fire emblem because of this. ok so they got murdered in a previous game off screen and now they're the playable character of a new game in a new timeline and they're fucking everything up because they're just supposed to be some guy? thats so fucking funny holy shit i want to know more

henry stickmin (henry stickmin): 1 submission. henry stickmin. like idk i dont feel like i gotta explain this one he's a stickman

stanley (tsp): guaranteed entry

whole (chonny jash): 1 submission, friend bias. tbh i saw him and went oh fuck yeah thats the thing my friends like and then i put him in there. i dont actually know enough about chonny jash to say anything on this but i fully trust the submitter knew what they were doing

larry (pokemon): guaranteed entry

luke carder (inscryption): 1 submission, friend bias, good description. he is just a normal youtuber in the lore of the game. he fucking love card game. good for him man good for him

leorio (hxh): 3 submissions, friend bias, good descriptions. idk a lot about hxh but the descriptions of him compared to the other main characters was pretty convincing

barry the quokka (sonic): guaranteed entry

april o'neil (tmnt): 1 submission, friend bias. absolutely normal girl that just happens to be the one that found the turtles and become their friend

tsuzuru (a3!): 3 submissions, friend bias. descriptions definitely made him feel like a good fit. he's so good at being just some guy i actually thought he was a different character and was shocked when i went to grab images for the tourney and he wasnt the guy i thought he was. which is really funny. like who the fuck is he then. this didn't change my opinion or anything it was just so good

matt (woe.begone): 1 submission. woe.begone fans have ALWAYS been kind to me so they got some mod bias sprinkled in. i dont know what this guys deal is but in the dbtn tourney the guy who got in there had a giant fucking list of things that are happening to him all the time and apparently thats just what woe.begone is like so i believe it when told matt is normal in comparison. everything else is so batshit wild I Just Believe You

gilear (fantasy high): 2 submissions. he seems to be just a dad. wasn't going to get in at first tbh just for personal reasons but i was running out of characters that i felt actually fit the tournament well so ultimately he got in

emmet (lego movie): 4 submissions. honestly with the number of submissions we got, 4 submissions was basically a guaranteed entry. and emmet's whole story is about being just some guy

stahl (fire emblem): 1 submission, hilarious description. fire emblem fans are so funny. what do you mean he can only be perfectly average because everyone else improves/gets worse with him to keep him perfectly average. what the fuck. thats so good

doug (wolf359): 2 entries. i dont know jack shit about wolf359 and honestly the submissions didn't tell me a lot but it was enough to figure he qualifies and i was running out of characters that felt good for the tourney. i trust you wolf359 fans

jack townsend (tales from the gas station): 1 submission, good description. he works at an evil gas station and the description gave me no follow up on what an evil gas station is which is awesome. apparently the horrors are constantly happening and he's just kinda staring at them. he's not paid enough for this

frisk (undertale): guaranteed entry

brian pasternack (yuppie psycho): 1 submission. im gonna be super honest with you here. i dont remember. i know he qualifies but i have 0 thoughts about him. maybe thats a good thing in this tourney. he's an average office worker who has now been tasked with killing The Witch.

trevor (american arcadia): 4 submissions, personal bias, good descriptions. dude i fucking love american arcadia it's so fucking good what a nightmare. he's so normal they were going to kill him for not being entertaining enough

[woodswolf]

Not sure how to phrase this in a complimentary way but I am really glad Captain Olimar isn't a real person with real feelings because I think your righteously vicious takedowns of his character would fucking kill him. Very very good. Extremely good.

(undoubtedly re: these tags)

oh listen anon. listen. listen listen listen listen listen:

did i ever say i wasn't going to say them to his face?

this is literally four sequels down the line (at least by the order im writing them) but the reckoning is coming. this guy is going to be forced to choose between his unwillingness to change in any way that matters and his journey and struggle meaning anything at all. he has never cared about the gun to his own head, but if he doesn't start he's never going to be happy. it takes a push with him, an impulse: something stronger than the friction holding him in his grating routines and comfortable, familiar miseries; something strong enough to overpower his every sense of shame.

dogs leading dogs as it is now is about knowledge and the learning of it and what that knowledge can help its adherents achieve. it's about two very flawed people who come together to mutually recognize the other's personhood, as unconventional as it may seem from their own perspective, and how that knowledge of personhood obtained during that quest can save them. how they can both use that knowledge to alter their perspectives, and how they can learn from each other as they do so: the pikmin learning independence, and olimar learning to accept change.

the problem is that olimar doesn't learn that. olimar learns just about the opposite of that, in fact. and it's going to take all of DLD2, and all of DLD3, and a good amount of DLD4 before anyone will have the will to scream at him with a gun to something he actually cares about, because god forbid would it ever be himself.

this guy is going to get skinned alive by something that knows him better than he knows himself. and he can either sit there and take it, or he can fight back. so it's a shame that he never fights under improbable odds, only the impossible or the certain. maybe if someone drove that like a railroad spike through his stupid stubborn skull he'd actually have a chance.

(on a less literarized note, id just like to say that pikmin 3 is a god tier character study for olimar because it takes a really special kind of person to get that fucked over by their own individual hubris, and an even more special kind of person for Olimar's Comeback to happen at all. (but that's for DLDP3, and by the time DLDP3 rolls around our single most important canon divergence has grown into such a canyon that Olimar's Comeback won't even happen at all. but you didn't hear that from me))

(and on a comedic yet entirely unexaggerated note, this guy's got 99 problems and the various methods by which he lies to himself to maintain a facade of normalcy and self-satisfaction and generally his inability to level with himself that everything wrong in his life is not fine is about 98 of them.)

[felixcloud6288]

Higurashi: Festival Accompanying Chapter 27

This is a Shion chapter.

I genuinely don't like how Shion was kept completely in the dark about what's been going on. I know I like to joke about how she isn't one of the main characters, but this is too much. Every other major character who's been involved across the story knows what's going on so why is Shion left out.

That shot of Tomitake is the same one from last chapter.

The comedic timing of Shion bragging about not being followed only for half a dozen vans to arrive at the Sonozaki residence.

This was probably a fun panel to draw. It looks like Suzuragi drew a template of one of the sisters and her speech bubble, copied and flipped the image, then drew the distinguishing features of both of them.

I had to stop and think for a moment when I realized that Keiichi, Rena, and Mion were the only ones who came out to greet Shion, Kasai, and Irie. I was wondering where Rika, Satoko, and Hanyu were.

Then it clicked: Rika is supposed to be dead, so they're not going to let her casually walk outside. And since Satoko and Hanyu were living with her, letting them be spotted would potentially clue Rika's enemies to where she is.

It makes perfect sense that the Sonozakis would have a surveillance system on their property, but it still feels surprising to find that out.

I like this panel.

One of the things that's annoyed me throughout this series is there's no sense of relative space in Hinamizawa. We know of various locations like Furude Shrine is up a long stairway and by a cliff overlooking the village. But there's not enough information to figure out how anyone would get from one location to another.

This panel doesn't really define where everything in the Sonozaki residence actually is, but it gives us a proper sense of scale about how big their property is.

Okonogi's ears grow longer and pointier the more sinister he gets.

As I said last chapter, the Wild Dogs are specialized in espionage, sabotage, and assassination. They are scarily competent during this chapter because they're doing what they're good at.

They leave no chances that anyone will find out what they're doing. First they cut the phone lines and then the power, and then they waited for the festival fireworks to go off so they could use the sounds to camouflage their blowing open the gates.

And now I need to take an aside for something. In the timelines where the Hinamizawa Disaster happens, the village is closed off for twenty years. This closure goes as far as preventing planes from flying over the village.

Some aspects of Operation Apocalypse aren't exactly neat and clean. Phone lines were cut, people tried to escape and were gunned down, etc.

If Operation Apocalyse were to happen in this timeline, there would be some incidental things such as Irie's wrecked car having gunshots on it and the destroyed bomb shelter gates at the Sonozaki residence that some intrepid reporter might discover and question.

So I think the reason Hinamizawa gets closed off for twenty years is to ensure all potential evidence to some form of sabotage becomes indistinguishable from the rot and decay that would happen after several decades.

Back to the story. Shion gets her moment to shine and gets to have her conclusion to her story as one of the Rule X targets. Keiichi and Rena already had theirs during Atonement, but now Shion and Mion finally make peace over their childhood mixup.

In Eye Opening, the sisters' mixup was a source of anger and jealousy for Shion because she believed the Sonozakis were behind Satoshi's disappearance and if it hadn't happened, Shion could have saved him.

But in this world, Shion knows that's not the case. Instead, the mixup is a source of guilt. Here they are, facing off against a secret organization planning to destroy the village. Mion is caught in the middle and made to take command not just because she's Rika's friend, but also because she's the next head of the Sonozaki Estate.

Meanwhile, Shion wasn't involved at all and is only here by happenstance. If that childhood mixup had never happened, Shion would be the one taking charge and handling the responsibility while Mion would be able to live a peaceful life instead.

That ladder terrifies me. It's not even really a ladder. It's two metal pipes embedded in the wall with footgrips embedded into the wall.

Cute girl with a gun. Shion stonks go up!

I wanna guess Suzuragi drew the gun by tracing much of it from pictures of the actual gun model and then saved it as a separate object that she would paste onto a panel and then draw around. The amount of detail on the gun always seems to be one level higher than everything else in each panel it shows up in.

I know this arc existed first and Beyond Midnight was made later, but I really love this callback to the arc. In Beyond Midnight, Mion fought and "died" to give Shion the life she should have had: The life of the leader of the Sonozakis. And now Shion is about to fight and die to ensure Mion has the life she should have had: A peaceful life with those she loves.

And when both of them are about to face their deaths, they had the same message they wanted to pass onto their sister:

Admittedly, Shion also doesn't feel like she has anything to lose. She thinks Satoshi is dead. And rather than being jealous of Mion's relation with Keichii, Shion wants to ensure they can be together.

It's a big dramatic moment and all, but Shion's actions kind of get squandered because Rika refuses to let her and Kasai stay behind. So when the Wild Dogs get past the two of them, Rika and her friends are found immediately. And now they're caught in a dilemma. Shion and Kasai have been taken hostage and everyone has to decide between protecting Rika and Irie or saving Shion and Kasai.

back

[delugedecade]

Scooby-Doo (as in the 2002 Movie)

forcefully review as watched by Deluge

spoilers, obviously, but then again, I’m the one watching it for the first time.

We're finally here. The first live action movie.

They start with a rap style Scooby Doo into? Well it is early 2000s

They CGI'd Shaggy's running, lol

Of course, kid friendly movie, magic physics defying skirt on Velma

This factory is pretty skatepark shaped.

You can really hear that Lillard just doesn't have the voice just right yet.

Who the fuck? What the fuck?

Oh she owns the factory.

Fred having fans like this is weird.

All this for not going out with him. cringe

HE SAID THE THING

Damn, starting and already breaking up the band.

Oh yeah, the weed joke.

I just had to search up hydrocolonic....

Velma works at NASA.

Getting the gang back together, one awkward meeting at a time

The origin of black belt Daphne

At least Daphne had some enthusiasm in asking Velma and Fred to join.

That's a really wide middle aisle.

THERE'S A TIKI BAR ON THE PLANE?

Oh boy, Shaggy being interested in something that isn't Scoob or Food? Can't be good

People really are dumb enough to not notice the dog.

Scooby Snacks are vegetarian? Didn't they say it was meaty in Phantosaur?

I stand corrected, Phantosaur called it Meat-Berry Medley. So it is a meat substitute.

Another Weed Joke.

ROWAN ATKINSON!

Scooby really just said no to stranger danger

Some real leaps of logic from you there Daphne

Spooky monster, but also pretty bad cgi

I kinda just realized the voodoo thing might just be voodoo chicken

Mindless Zombie 'Fred Walks in', I feel there's a joke there.

Fred really does sound pretty condescending.

He pulled the himbo card. I think. With the dorky chicks line.

Wow that 'hypno' video was cringe

HE SAID THE THING! ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME!

Okay, it devolved into fart jokes...

Three suspects already, but I do feel like they're red herrings.

Again, Voodoo might just be voodoo chicken.

Daemon Ritus definitely sounds like the main lead.

Though trying to solve a mystery only to be found out sounds like a dumb idea, but i suppose pinning it on someone else is a plan

A flashback? really?

Holy shit Scrappy. HOLY SHIT IT'S GOTTA BE SCRAPPY BEHIND THIS! CHECKOV'S GUN

She's definitely drunk.

ohno there's two of them

Oh no there's three of them

HE SAID THE TITLE!

Slightly comedic CGI

I feel that the coast guard are just there thinking its a joke.

Beyotch, yo they slipped an almost swear

this is pretty wild so far.

Mary Jane is a monster by the looks of it

Nothings beats a man and his dog best friend

Hmmm

Okay yeah this CGI does look pretty bad.

Monster explode in the day

Also, they gave Velma cleavage.

OH BOY BODY SWAP

Good it didn't last too long

Never mind, Voodoo guy isn't making voodoo chicken.

Okay, Emile is bad because he knows Mary Jane's monster form

Okay, this is surprisingly touching

The power of Dance-Fu

God Fred, shut up.

Again, Best Buds between a man and his dog

The subtle hints of the original Scooby Doo Theme

A Robot?

Yep, Scrappy Doo is the villain.

Yeah Daphne Black Belt!

Yeah! Pop Rock Scooby Doo theme!

Yeah take that Scrappy

They really made a moment for each gang to have a special.

Velma finally having her moment Let's go!

Oooooh, He almost swore

I forgot this was by James Gunn

Painful going down. and about to be painful going out.

This was filmed in Queensland? Nice

Yeah, not bad. Really did feel like all the pieces of the mystery fit well while still keeping the intrigue.

9/10

@submissiveking99 @tokufan400 @freeusemuses @asexxxualauthor

[adamwatchesmovies]

Rampant (2018)

I keep track of every movie I watch and make a point to write a review for it to grow my library but also to see how my feelings and tastes change over time. When I saw Rampant four years ago, I gave it 3.5/5. I saw that it received mixed critical reviews and couldn’t understand why. Now, I do.

Set during the Joseon dynasty, a plot to overthrow King Lee Jo (Kim Rui-Sung) accidentally releases a plague in a nearby village. The infected turn into highly contagious, flesh-eating 'night demons'. As their numbers grow, Crown Prince Lee Chung (Hyun Bin) and his companion Hak-soo (Jeong Man-sik) must contain this threat while schemers attempt to topple the throne.

I will grant Rampant that the production is first-rate. A lot of zombie films are made on the cheap but not this one. There are A LOT of zombies, with fairly elaborate makeup (no memorable designs, but they’re also not that kind of zombies). The action is set hundreds of years ago, so they couldn’t use any modern costumes or locations. Everything had to be built. The setting automatically makes this film different from most of the ones you’ve seen before. There are primitive guns, but this is not a movie where “Go for the head!” applies. There are bows and arrows but those aren’t as effective either; most combat involves edge weapons. The stakes are also different. A good chunk of the film has the palace overrun with “night demons”, with Prince Lee Chung and his allies trying to keep them contained so they cannot attack the surrounding city and spread to the entire country. Then, there’s the political stuff, which adds some human villains that don’t feel superfluous to the plot - they’re the ones who caused the plague. Even when things get apocalyptic, Minister Kim (Jang Dong-gun) and his cronies aren’t giving up their quest for more power.

I saw all that the first time I viewed Rampant and somehow, it made me overlook the characters. There’s no one to like in this movie. You might think that’s deliberate when we meet Prince Lee Chung, who’s been convinced to leave his womanizing over in Qing (China) to come over. At first, he only cares about someone if he can lure them into his bedroom (don’t get excited, there’s no sex or nudity in this film whatsoever) but over time readies himself to take on the responsibilities he’ll inherit with the throne. No. What I mean is that you won’t like anyone because they’re all boring. Even our protagonist. He essentially turns into a completely different person once he sees the zombies and while his skirt-chasing was annoying, at least it made him stand out. The same can’t be said for the badass survivors he meets when he lands in Jemulpo. You won’t be able to remember a thing about them the second they walk off-camera. That might be better than the worst character in the entire film, Prince Lee Chung’s companion, Hak-Su. Why director Kim Sung-hoon or writer Hwang Jo-yoon decided to include a comedic sidekick in this horror/action/thriller, I have no idea. At one point, he’s being attacked by zombies. It would take a miracle for him to make it out alive, and one of the last things he says to his companion is “Watch out for dog shit on the street”. If the character doesn’t care about his situation, why should we? As for the villains, they're important in theory, but once the plague gets out of control, all of them get wiped out and Minister Kim doesn't matter anymore. The things that interested us at first are all get taken away.

As a zombie movie, Rampant fails because it never does the thing you expect zombie movies to do, the thing that makes them effective: It never has someone meaningful to the main character turn or get bitten so they can feel conflicted about what's about to happen. In theory, the film has high stakes but in execution, everything feels low-key. One of the main reasons being that there are only about three scares in the whole movie and none of them appear past the halfway mark. The pieces to make a great, memorable and unique zombie movie were here but you couldn’t tell by the end result.

And now, I find myself in a strange position. The first time I viewed Rampant, I had a good time. During this second viewing, I just kept getting madder and madder at Prince Lee Chung and Hak-Su. I suddenly noticed all of the movie’s flaws. It just shows that moods and tastes change but can I recommend the film, or can’t I? I'm not sure but let me put it this way: I’m not watching Rampant a third time to get a tie-breaker review. (Original Korean with English subtitles, September 6, 2024)

[nel-world]

funny scene

Movies "Step Brothers" (2008) - Bunk Bed Scene

Dale: "Hey, you awake?" Brennan: "Yeah." Dale: "I just had the craziest dream. I was driving a helicopter with a cat." Brennan: "Did we just become best friends?" Dale: "Yup!" "Shaun of the Dead" (2004) - Don't Stop Me Now

Shaun: "Okay, Diane, kill the Queen!" David: "What?" Shaun: "The jukebox!" "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" (2005) - Waxing Scene

Andy: "Oooooh! Kelly Clarkson!" "Hot Fuzz" (2007) - The Model Village

Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?" Danny Butterman: "No." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?" Danny Butterman: "No." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever been in a high-speed pursuit?" Danny Butterman: "Yes, I have." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high-speed pursuit?" Danny Butterman: "No." "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" (2004) - The 5 D's of Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." Justin: "What?" [Patches throws a wrench at Justin] TV Shows "Friends" (Season 5, Episode 8 - "The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks")

Joey: "Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD." Ross: "Tonight, on a very special Blossom." "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 5, Episode 23 - "Michael Scott Paper Company")

Michael: "Well, well, well, how the turntables…" Jim: "Have turned." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 5, Episode 14 - "Leslie and Ben")

Ben: "I am super chill all the time." Leslie: "Oh, Ben, you beautiful spineless jellyfish." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 5, Episode 22 - "Jake & Amy")

Jake: "Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt." Amy: "Are you okay?" Jake: "Totally." "Arrested Development" (Season 3, Episode 9 - "S.O.B.s")

Lucille: "I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it." "New Girl" (Season 2, Episode 15 - "Cooler")

Nick: "Not a chance, Jessica Day. I’d rather kiss a toilet seat!" Jess: "I’m about to say something serious. I hope you’re ready. I think I’m too drunk to marry you." "How I Met Your Mother" (Season 1, Episode 15 - "Game Night")

Barney: "Legendary!" Marshall: "What's the opposite of eating? Isn't it barfing?" "Community" (Season 3, Episode 4 - "Remedial Chaos Theory")

Troy: "I’m a sexy dracula." Abed: "You mean vampire." Troy: "I don’t need to know which dracula I am to know I’m sexy." These scenes offer a variety of humor from slapstick to clever wordplay, showcasing the comedic talents

Movies "The Hangover" (2009) - Wake-Up Scene

Alan: "Hey, guys, you ready to let the dogs out?" Stu: "What?" Alan: "You know, let the dogs out. Who, who?" "Groundhog Day" (1993) - Ned Ryerson Scene

Ned: "Phil? Phil Connors? I thought that was you! Hi, how you doing? Ned Ryerson! Needle-nose Ned? Ned the Head? Come on, buddy. Case Western High? Ned Ryerson?" Phil: "Bing!" "Mean Girls" (2004) - Kevin Gnapoor's Rap

Kevin: "All you sucka MCs ain't got nothing on me. From my grades to my lines, you can't touch Kevin G. I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard, I'm like James Bond the Third. Shaken, not stirred, I'm Kevin Gnapoor. The G is silent when I sneak in your door." "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" (1994) - The Opening Scene

Ace Ventura: "Mmmmm, yes, Satan? Oh, I’m sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else." "The Princess Bride" (1987) - The Battle of Wits

Vizzini: "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" TV Shows "Friends" (Season 3, Episode 2 - "The One Where No One's Ready")

Joey: "Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I BE wearing any more clothes?" Chandler: "I'm not looking at you. I'm looking at the pillows." "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 7, Episode 19 - "Garage Sale")

Michael: "Holly Flax, marrying me will you be?" Holly: "Your wife becoming will I." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 2, Episode 10 - "Hunting Trip")

Ron: "I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus, and then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 3, Episode 3 - "Boyle's Hunch")

Jake: "Title of your sex tape." Boyle: "What's the plan?" Jake: "Title of your sex tape." "How I Met Your Mother" (Season 2, Episode 9 - "Slap Bet")

Marshall: "You just got slapped! Bet you're feeling pretty stupid right about now. Slapsgiving is upon us!" Barney: "That was three slaps ago, Slap God!" "Scrubs" (Season 2, Episode 1 - "My Overkill")

Dr. Cox: "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring." J.D.: "I care, I just don't care about you." "Community" (Season 1, Episode 23 - "Modern Warfare")

Jeff: "Come with me if you don't want paint on your clothes." Abed: "Cool. Cool cool cool." "Archer" (Season 2, Episode 4 - "Pipeline Fever")

Archer: "Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants." These additional scenes highlight the comedic brilliance

TV Shows "Friends" (Season 5, Episode 14 - "The One Where Everybody Finds Out")

Phoebe and Rachel discover that Monica and Chandler are secretly dating. Phoebe and Chandler engage in a hilarious seduction standoff, culminating in Chandler's confession. "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 5, Episode 13 - "Stress Relief")

Dwight's fire drill prank leads to chaos and hilarity in the office, with memorable moments like Stanley's heart attack and Angela throwing her cat into the ceiling. "Parks and Recreation" (Season 4, Episode 11 - "The Comeback Kid")

Leslie's team tries to set up a campaign rally in a gym, resulting in a series of comedic disasters, including a tiny ice rink and a disastrous entrance down a slippery ramp. "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 1, Episode 6 - "Halloween")

Jake bets Captain Holt that he can steal his Medal of Valor before midnight, leading to a series of elaborate and humorous heist antics. "Seinfeld" (Season 8, Episode 9 - "The Abstinence")

George becomes a genius when he stops having sex, leading to a series of funny scenes where he impresses everyone with his newfound intellect, while Elaine's lack of sex makes her dumber. These scenes are just a small sampling

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" (2004) - News Team Fight

Ron Burgundy: "Boy, that escalated quickly… I mean, that really got out of hand fast!" Brian Fantana: "It jumped up a notch." Brick Tamland: "Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart." Ron Burgundy: "I saw that! Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?" "Dumb and Dumber" (1994) - The Toilet Scene

Harry: "Lloyd, what are you doing?" Lloyd: "It feels good to mingle with these laid-back country folk, don't it, Harry?" Harry: "I like it a lot." "The Naked Gun" (1988) - Baseball Scene

Frank Drebin: "Strike? Strike? All right, let me check one more thing." [Frank dances around in exaggerated umpire gestures] TV Shows "Friends" (Season 5, Episode 14 - "The One Where Everybody Finds Out")

Phoebe: "They don't know that we know they know we know!" Chandler: "All right, enough! No one is sleeping with anyone!" "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 5, Episode 13 - "Stress Relief")

Dwight: "Today, smoking is going to save lives." Michael: "Oh, my God! It's happening! Everybody stay calm!" Oscar: "What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure?" "Parks and Recreation" (Season 4, Episode 11 - "The Comeback Kid")

Leslie: "Oh my God, everything is falling apart." Ben: "I think this ice rink was a mistake." Tom: "I have never been more embarrassed in my entire life." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 1, Episode 6 - "Halloween")

Jake: "I stole your Medal of Valor!" Holt: "Impossible!" Jake: "Well, then, what’s this?" Holt: "My Medal of Valor!" "Seinfeld" (Season 8, Episode 9 - "The Abstinence")

George: "My mind is like a computer." Jerry: "So what are you gonna do now?" George: "I think I’ll read a book. From beginning to end. In that order." Elaine: "I don’t know what’s happening to me, Jerry. I think I'm getting dumber." These dialogues capture the humor

their dialogues:

Movies "Superbad" (2007) - McLovin Scene

Officer Michaels: "What's your name?" Fogell: "Uh, it's McLovin." Officer Slater: "McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?" Fogell: "No, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there." Officer Michaels: "And you landed on McLovin?" Fogell: "Yeah, it was between that or Muhammad." Officer Slater: "Why the hell would it be between that or Muhammad?" "Mrs. Doubtfire" (1993) - Dinner Scene

Mrs. Doubtfire (Daniel): "It was a run-by fruiting!" Stu: "What?" Mrs. Doubtfire (Daniel): "I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists, they ran that way. It was a run-by fruiting." "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (1986) - Ben Stein's Classroom

Economics Teacher: "In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the… Anyone? Anyone? The Great Depression, passed the… Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered… raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression." "Zoolander" (2001) - The Gasoline Fight

Derek Zoolander: "Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty." [Cut to the gasoline fight scene] Derek: "Orange Mocha Frappuccino!" [Friends start spraying each other with gasoline] [The scene ends in a hilarious but tragic explosion] "Bridesmaids" (2011) - The Dress Shop

Annie: "This is some classy sh—" [gets interrupted by stomach cramps] Lillian: "Annie, are you okay?" Annie: "I'm fine, I just… there's something in my stomach…" Megan: "It's happening. It happened." Lillian: "What did you do?" Megan: "I crapped in the sink." TV Shows "Friends" (Season 4, Episode 12 - "The One with the Embryos")

Ross: "What is Chandler Bing's job?" Rachel: "Oh gosh, it has something to do with numbers… and processing… uh… he carries a briefcase…" Monica: "No! It's… something to do with transponding." Chandler: "I’m sorry, the answer we were looking for was 'Transponster!'" Monica: "That's not even a word!" "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 4, Episode 5 - "Dinner Party")

Michael: "Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far… Fleischmann’s Margarine." Jim: "That's two words." Michael: "Compound word." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 3, Episode 13 - "The Fight")

Ron: "I regret nothing. The end." Leslie: "Ron, how did you get here?" Ron: "I have no idea." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 2, Episode 22 - "The Chopper")

Jake: "Tell me about the dream, Scully." Scully: "I was in a chopper. It was raining meatballs." Jake: "Was it awesome?" Scully: "Yeah, it was awesome." "Arrested Development" (Season 1, Episode 2 - "Top Banana")

Gob: "I’m gonna build an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael?" Michael: "So you can fly away from your problems?" Gob: "No, because it’s the only way to get to Hawaii." These scenes and dialogues are iconic

with dialogue:

Movies "The Hangover" (2009) - Wake-Up Scene

Alan: "Hey, guys, you ready to let the dogs out?" Stu: "What?" Alan: "You know, let the dogs out. Who, who?" "Groundhog Day" (1993) - Ned Ryerson Scene

Ned: "Phil? Phil Connors? I thought that was you! Hi, how you doing? Ned Ryerson! Needle-nose Ned? Ned the Head? Come on, buddy. Case Western High? Ned Ryerson?" Phil: "Bing!" "Mean Girls" (2004) - Kevin Gnapoor's Rap

Kevin: "All you sucka MCs ain't got nothing on me. From my grades to my lines, you can't touch Kevin G. I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard, I'm like James Bond the Third. Shaken, not stirred, I'm Kevin Gnapoor. The G is silent when I sneak in your door." "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" (1994) - The Opening Scene

Ace Ventura: "Mmmmm, yes, Satan? Oh, I’m sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else." "The Princess Bride" (1987) - The Battle of Wits

Vizzini: "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" TV Shows "Friends" (Season 3, Episode 2 - "The One Where No One's Ready")

Joey: "Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I BE wearing any more clothes?" Chandler: "I'm not looking at you. I'm looking at the pillows." "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 7, Episode 19 - "Garage Sale")

Michael: "Holly Flax, marrying me will you be?" Holly: "Your wife becoming will I." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 2, Episode 10 - "Hunting Trip")

Ron: "I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus, and then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 3, Episode 3 - "Boyle's Hunch")

Jake: "Title of your sex tape." Boyle: "What's the plan?" Jake: "Title of your sex tape." "How I Met Your Mother" (Season 2, Episode 9 - "Slap Bet")

Marshall: "You just got slapped! Bet you're feeling pretty stupid right about now. Slapsgiving is upon us!" Barney: "That was three slaps ago, Slap God!" "Scrubs" (Season 2, Episode 1 - "My Overkill")

Dr. Cox: "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring." J.D.: "I care, I just don't care about you." "Community" (Season 1, Episode 23 - "Modern Warfare")

Jeff: "Come with me if you don't want paint on your clothes." Abed: "Cool. Cool cool cool." "Archer" (Season 2, Episode 4 - "Pipeline Fever")

Archer: "Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants." These additional scenes highlight th

with memorable dialogues:

Movies "Step Brothers" (2008) - Bunk Bed Scene

Dale: "Hey, you awake?" Brennan: "Yeah." Dale: "I just had the craziest dream. I was driving a helicopter with a cat." Brennan: "Did we just become best friends?" Dale: "Yup!" "Shaun of the Dead" (2004) - Don't Stop Me Now

Shaun: "Okay, Diane, kill the Queen!" David: "What?" Shaun: "The jukebox!" "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" (2005) - Waxing Scene

Andy: "Oooooh! Kelly Clarkson!" "Hot Fuzz" (2007) - The Model Village

Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?" Danny Butterman: "No." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?" Danny Butterman: "No." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever been in a high-speed pursuit?" Danny Butterman: "Yes, I have." Nicholas Angel: "Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high-speed pursuit?" Danny Butterman: "No." "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" (2004) - The 5 D's of Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." Justin: "What?" [Patches throws a wrench at Justin] TV Shows "Friends" (Season 5, Episode 8 - "The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks")

Joey: "Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD." Ross: "Tonight, on a very special Blossom." "The Office" (U.S.) (Season 5, Episode 23 - "Michael Scott Paper Company")

Michael: "Well, well, well, how the turntables…" Jim: "Have turned." "Parks and Recreation" (Season 5, Episode 14 - "Leslie and Ben")

Ben: "I am super chill all the time." Leslie: "Oh, Ben, you beautiful spineless jellyfish." "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Season 5, Episode 22 - "Jake & Amy")

Jake: "Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt." Amy: "Are you okay?" Jake: "Totally." "Arrested Development" (Season 3, Episode 9 - "S.O.B.s")

Lucille: "I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it." "New Girl" (Season 2, Episode 15 - "Cooler")

Nick: "Not a chance, Jessica Day. I’d rather kiss a toilet seat!" Jess: "I’m about to say something serious. I hope you’re ready. I think I’m too drunk to marry you." "How I Met Your Mother" (Season 1, Episode 15 - "Game Night")

Barney: "Legendary!" Marshall: "What's the opposite of eating? Isn't it barfing?" "Community" (Season 3, Episode 4 - "Remedial Chaos Theory")

Troy: "I’m a sexy dracula." Abed: "You mean vampire." Troy: "I don’t need to know which dracula I am to know I’m sexy." These scenes offer a

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Lethal Weapon 2 (Donner, 1989)

Spoilers in the last paragraph.

Decided to give this another go after rewatching the original last night. I do think is starts to settle into buddy cop action comedy cliches, but it retains some of the verve of the original and doesn’t quite play like the action sitcoms that the series would later turn into. In large part that’s because Richard Donner keeps things moving fast enough so that the stupidity or broadness of some of what transpires goes down a lot easier. Putting aside the comedic elements, which for the record continue to get big laughs out of me, it takes at least a third of the movie for them to realize that the accent on the Krugerrand smugglers is South African. So perhaps our heroes are not LAPD’s best and brightest. And the contrivances to keep Leo Getz hanging around are a bit obvious, although Joe Pesci brings an amusing puppy dog energy in the scenes he actually keeps his mouth shut.

And on that note, it helps that you’ve got some great and reprehensible villains in Apartheid South Africa. (Actually a South African diplomat using diplomatic cover to funnel drugs and/or Krugerrands, but close enough.) It’s interesting that unlike a lot of movies flirting with geopolitical elements, this one doesn’t try to distinguish the villains from the regime or compartmentalize them as bad actors. In an alternate universe, there’s a junkier Cannon Films version of this where Murtaugh and Riggs fly down to Cape Town to blow away P.W. Botha. As it is, they have to settle for some really juicy bad guys played by Joss Ackland and Derrick O’Connor. Anyway, Riggs’ indignation around the subject is a little jarring in light of… you know… so this might be the only time Mel Gibson has ever had good politics.

It probably says something that the parts I remembered best about the original were the more spectacular moments, like the jumper scene, the desert ambush, the foot chase and the final fight scene, while the ones I remembered best from this one were “They fuck you at the drive-thru!”, “Diplomatic immunity!”, Murtaugh making a scene at the embassy, and characters saying “Krugerrands” a billion times. (Take a shot with each utterance, die of alcohol poisoning.) Those moments are all great, but I should note that the action played a lot better this time around. I love how much of it is set at night and complemented by the steely blue lighting. And this one has, at least on a technical level, a much better climactic fight scene, that almost feels like shadow play as you see the fighters’ silhouettes from a distance. I also like that Murtaugh gets some of the juicier moments of violence. Obviously the great final kill, but also fucking up some bad guys with a nail gun. And any movie with cool helicopter shit is automatically a good movie, and this has a great nighttime helicopter attack.

SPOILERS: All that being said, I found the movie’s attempt to create personal stakes a little off putting. The reveal that the villains were responsible for the death of Riggs’ wife feels like an afterthought, and Riggs seems more bothered by their killing of a character he just met than of his wife. And there’s the fact that the killing of all the other members of their unit has little gravitas given how little time we spend with any of them. The bad guys are easy enough to hate already, I don’t think these additional gestures really help the movie.

[chihirolovebot]

nvm doing this now . discussions of csm-typical grooming, sexualisation, pedophilia and whatnot below .

The base of my problem with calling Makima a pedophile has its roots in her characterisation. the simple fact of the matter is that she is not in any way attracted—romantically, sexually, or in any form—to Denji. Obviously this doesn't excuse her actions, because you're right, she does make sexual advances on him. But you mention you haven't engaged with CSM, so let me break it down for you.

For those who are unaware, the Chainsaw Devil, which Denji wields the power of, is pretty easily the strongest Devil in the verse, because devils grow stronger the more they are feared—however, the Chainsaw Devil is the only devil to be feared by other devils, making it way stronger than anything else.

The Chainsaw Devil also has the ability to 'eat' slash consume other Devils, thereby erasing the concept they represent. It's sort of difficult to explain, but for an example—if the Chainsaw Devil ate the Tomato Devil and erased it, tomatoes would cease to exist. At some point, Makima reveals to Kishibe that Chainsaw has eaten several devils pertaining to real-life historical events; she asks Kishibe, 'do you remember what the Nazis did to the Jews?' and he is visibly confused—it soon becomes apparent that Kishibe doesn't know what Nazis, or the Holocaust is, because Chainsaw 'ate' the WWII devil. It did something similar with the devils of AIDS, nuclear weapons, and several other fictional devils/events.

This is the primary reason Makima covets the Chainsaw Devil and seeks to control him; she wants to use this eating power in order to erase concepts she finds unnecessary or detrimental to mankind. The power of the Chainsaw Devil is in the hands of Denij—so she has to get control of Denji. How does she do that?

By ruining his entire life.

Makima sets Denji up with Aki and anther fiend, Power. They eventually form a tight familial bond, with Aki becoming the older brother figure, and power the bratty little sister to Denji. He's shown to care very deeply for them. And then, near the end of the manga, Makima sets them both up to be brutally murdered in the worst way possible. She has Aki fused with the devil that murdered his parents, the Gun Devil, which turns him into a mindless beast who tries to kill Denji and Power, forcing Denji to kill him in self-defence. After this, his spirit is broken. He goes to Makima and confesses he wants to be one of her dogs, so that she can tell him what to do, so that he doesn't have to think. After that, Makima murders Power right in front of him, leaving Denji overcome with emotion and releasing the full power of the Chainsaw Devil for her to control.

So now that the context is out of the way—you understand, hopefully, Makima's motivations for controlling Denji. Now let's look at the how.

Makima knows Denji. From the beginning, she knows he's the Chainsaw Devil, because she saw him use the power of it the first time she saw him. Denji's very first words to Makima are hold me, as he slumps into her arms. This tells her the two most important things about the boy she's stumbled across: he wields an insane power, and he craves comfort. This is more than enough for someone as cunning and manipulative as Makima to make some leaps in logic and determine how best to integrate herself into Denji's life.

Denji is a teenage boy. He doesn't know—and neither do we, at first—that what he craves above all else is romantic intimacy. Not necessarily sex. But because he is a teenage boy, this is what he perceives a relationship to be like. Denji's father was abusive, and so he has an inherent built-in distrust of men and places women on pedestals. This comes across both in serious and comedic moments:

But it all boils down to the idea of Denji seeking validation from women rather than men, and Makima uses this to her advantage. She knows that what Denji creaves is genuine intimate connection, and she plays on this. She sort of creepily becomes all the defining women in his life—playing into the seductress role, but also the maternal. One of my favourite ED sequences from the anime has this shot:

Makima is this angelic being, with Denji staring up in awe. Fujimoto stated that "Denji always yearned for maternal love,", that Makima and Denji's relationship was based on documentaries about child abuse, and that Makima's names comes from mama. So she is very very motherly-coded to Denji. But like I mentioned, she also plays the part he thinks he wants, hence the aforementioned sexual advances.

One of the most infamous scenes is after Denji is disappointed after touching Power's breasts, Makima tells him that sexual acts without intimacy feel empty. This is when she does things like bite his finger, caress his skin gently, and place his hand on her breast. Her dialogue is chilling in this particular scene. When she bites his finger, she asks, "Remember it so well that even if you go blind, you'll know it's me from the bite." Similarly, after Himeno kisses Denji and vomits in his mouth, Makima gives him a cola-flavoured lollipop to wash away the taste, literally overwriting the claim Himeno put on Denji's body with her own marker. Makima subtly works to make herself the only option in Denji's mind who can give him what he wants—both what he thinks/knows he wants (sexual gratification) and what he doesn't know he wants, but she does (maternal love and genuine connection).

Makima is not attracted to Denji. Makima, I think, is not attracted to anyone in particular. She's a weapon, a machine, raised by the government. She has a general want to be loved, but not by anyone in particular, and it's implied this is more the Control Devil inside of her than Makima herself, as Nayuta expresses this same desire when the Control Devil reincarnates into her. If Denji was eight years old, she'd play harder into the maternal figure, because it would make him easier to manipulate. Denji is sixteen in the canon timeline, so she plays a bit of both. If Denji were thirty-five, she'd find some way of making herself the most important person in his life, specifically by using his insecurities and internal biases of women in order to manipulate him and isolate him from the others. Even when Denji does get to care about other people, it's all orchestrated.

Makima's manipulation and cunning is right at the heart of her character. It's why I think referring to her as a pedophile is reductive in terms of her character, because she is not attracted to Denji. She sees what will manipulate him into coveting her and she does it. Pedophiles are what they are because they're attracted to children. Makima is not this. She's a child predator. She's a groomer. And these two terms feel far more fitting because they acknowledge the agency she had in her role in this relationship. She deliberately did this to Denji. She studied him, dissected his personality, isolated him from the world and broke him down emotionally and mentally. She did that. Not because he was a child, but because he was Denji.

I really hope this made sense. It's half past four in the morning but this has been sitting with me for ages. And if you have any clarifying questions please shoot and I'd be happy to answer them.

i havent seen csm is makina not the one who literally makes sexual advances on a teenager?? have i been misled??

tell u what i will break this down in the morning bc whilst i would never deny that makima is a child predator (!!!!!!!) i believe that simply referring to her as a pedophile is reductive bc of her character and denji’s . but it’s like 4 in the morning so i’ll explain it better after i’ve slept . definitely don’t take this as me defending her actions she sucks as a person so bad .

[azurdlywisterious]

Okay its later than i said but here is the full breakdown (plus commentary on my abandoned dead money time loop comic) (under the read more because this bitch is hella long lol) (also potential trigger warning for various mental health things like depression and suicide/suicidal ideation and also surgery related triggers) (better safe than sorry)

the chapter title for this one (begin again) is pretty self explanatory imo. its the sierra madre slogan, it alludes to the time loop very well, all around good title honestly

I actually drew parts of this. I really started losing steam when I drew Cheyanne the dog from memory and realized she looked nothing like a dog and that I have to draw her multiple times. that and the fact that it felt like all of my panels that weren't ✨artistic interpretations of suffering✨ or whatever were starting to look really static imo. ( reached the image limit so ill post the few pages i did finish for this in another reblog)

"something something anustart" is a reference to reboot arrested development that I was using as placeholder dialogue. I actually don't remember what I did end up writing for him lol.

the gun is named Holorific because i misread "holorifle damage" as "holorific damage" for most of the dlc and I wanted to preserve that

"we'll meet again" was a later edition because some development in a later scene (will elaborate more on why when we get there)

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the chapter title is in reference to the musical notation calling to repeat a certain section of music. felt fitting for the first reference to deja's relationship with the singer dean domino

Can you tell i wrote this before falling utterly in love with deputy beagle? "the deputy" im gonna cry he has a name past me! its george armstrong beagle! (its not but i want him to have a first name so it's george now) (back to deja)

anyways the part where she bursts into tears seeing the poster was originally going to be the most explicit the romance between deja and dean would get (and would mostly be one sided pining). Uh... things changed. In the next reblog ill post the rubber duck notes (now thats some fun behind the scenes stuff!)

Not much else to say about chapter 2. its mostly just more foreshadowing of things to come

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okay yeah this chapter title is literally a lyric from nicki minaj's "starships" but its got time loop vibes plus this is the chapter with the repcon rockets so it works imo

oh that damn coyote hat! the vulpes death was originally only meant to be a comedic moment, but like most of the stuff here it ended up evolving into something really really cool (symbolically speaking).

since I keep learning more about come fly with me id probably change some of the bulletpoints here (like actually managing to save davison because deja has done this enough times she would know how to do this)

Deja cries a lot. idk how much crying is too much crying. idk. i think her hearing the last words jason says to her would elicit some tears but not full on sobbing.

but yeah. foreshadowing deja's new fear of never seeing her friends again and finding comfort in the hell that is the time loop because she'll get to see them again. its why she never leaves. its why she does the same things over and over again. she doesnt need to go the long way around to get to benny and kill him. she doesnt need to go to repcon. but she wants to see her friends again. and she will play that loop again and again to see her friends. also she has no idea how to leave the time loop (long story we'll get there).

oh yeah and her stash of med-x gets explained later

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this chapter title is just fakedeep and meant to sound cool. they couldnt all be song lyrics

i love an artsy flashback and this chapter is mostly artsy flashback. we also get a reveal that boone knows more than he initially let on. behind the scenes, this is him slowly remembering that he's trapped in this time loop too. later we find out that this is because he was close by to the inciting incident (but thats a tale for a later chapter)

this is also the chapter where we fully find out that deja has a heart condition. I dont think its properly named until like the final chapters (if ever) but in my notes it's officially myxoma (when i was writing all of these bullet points down i had the mayo clinic description of myxoma opened up on my phone)

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did i predict mono red veronica? haha. this chapter title is a reference to the mtg card "chandra, dressed to kill" which feature chandra burning some vampires at a wedding while rocking a red cocktail dress (which is veronica vibes frfr)

idk why i added the black mountain detour other than to reveal that radiation doesnt bother deja? i guess? dont know where I was going with this honestly. like it doesnt come up again.

the relationship deja has with veronica is sadly criminally underdeveloped in my notes. the idea was to flesh it out as I actually wrote it, but damn i think that was doomed to fail. which is a shame because their friendship is canonically so important to deja that she burns whole bridges just to keep veronica as her friend (once again, to be elaborated on later)

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another fakedeep title! this one is also pretty self explanatory lol

touching back on those rubber duck notes, deja was originally not going to know arcade at all. uh... things changed... not to spoil one of my favorite chapters but things changed. i blame dean (this isnt even a stretch)

deja was also originally gonna get her heart fixed by house. and then i remembered who veronica's family is and realized that deja couldnt do that.

this chapter is mostly set up for the ending (spoiler alert she gets a happy ending dammit)

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uh oh my supernatural fan is showing! one of my all time favorite supernatural episodes is the season 3 time loop one named "mystery spot" which heavily features the song "heat of the moment" by asia

"yells at him" is the understatement of the century but thats besides the point lol. idk what it would actually look like but looking at it now id want it to be reminiscent of her full blown breakdown in chapter 15 (at least i think its 15 it might be 16) (youll know it when u see it)

ah the "you make it sound like" page! originally drawn with my beloved courier suzie, i was going to reuse it (with deja in her place) for this part because it turned out so good imo

also more placeholder dialogue. the main point of all of my placeholder dialogue was to get the vibes down. getting it written properly in character was saved for the comic drafting step (probably another pitfall oof)

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not even song lyrics this is just half of an mcr song title (that i heavily associate with deja but thats besides the point) (i also adore this song like top 3 from three cheers frfr)

this one i left short on purpose becuase I knew the christine dialogue was going to take forever (even with deja already knowing everything)

oh yeahhhh the handprint. that note is there because i am an overdramatic soap opera bitch at heart and deja is still grounded in reality and thats just the note that says "i dont care if you think it would be angsty and romantic DONT FUCKING DO IT" (for reference i am the same person that said that suzie would kiss the glass of house's cryopod as a hopeless romantic thing with my whole chest) (okay kinda a lie i said that i would but thats neither here nor there) (back to deja!)

oh oh oh i forgot that this is the chapter what we start to see some of that vulpes hat forshadowing start to pay off!!!! legit i really want to draw this panel still because in my head it looks so cool like ughhhh the manifestation of her guilt literally haunting her hfkjdjfjdhhjgjsfjg losing my mind!!!! fandom of one for this specific panel that exists in my mind

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ayeeeeee its the payoff to chapter 2!

what i mean by "getting lightly bullied by the cloud" is that a hallucination of benny was going to show up as a manifestation of her fear of never being able to escape the loop. this was another cool panel with him holding the gun to her forehead while clearly being made out of the cloud

also yeah the forshadowing that deja has a weird complex around redeeming dean domino (but more on that in a little bit)

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fakedeep but also these two have the cloudiest hindsight known to man frfr

this is the only chapter I actually wrote a whole transcript for (and then posted on a day i was so miserably sick tears were pouring down my face)

oh yeah i get One (1) future diary reference and also already drew this (she was never going to kiss him in the scene i just wanted the ✨composition✨ of the shot)

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zombie prom fans rise up? (if u dont know the song blast from the past from zombie prom ur missing out) (and also thats the beat for me but thats a post for ferrero) (back to deja)

deja doesnt sleeeeeeeeep shes got the guilt nightmaresssssss but more on that laterrrrrrrrrrr

yeah a lot of this was just gonna be dialogue lifted from the game, not much to say here

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this chapter title is from the bridge of "living dead" by MARINA off her album "electra heart" (fucking love that album and fucking love this song)

look i am a very simple tumblrina. i just want the tenderness of the moment it would be so swejerjkfdjhkgd *runs into electric fence*

anyways, "what is arrhythmia? im a tactile learner btw" is a reference to that "what are boobs? im a visual learner btw" meme. thankfully also a placeholder line. of course the actual scene is also sweet enough to give you cavities lol. i mean its what it says on the tin. dean was gonna ask deja what arrhythmia is and deja (after failing to explain. cause arrhythmia) was gonna settle for him just feeling her heartbeat

also phantom benny shows up again

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a bit tongue in cheek since deja's canonical luck score is a 1

okay this is my favorite chapter because its kinda dumb and edgy and explains why shes in the time loop in the first place and why she lied about the followers and the fort and why she said what she said back in chapter 3 to vulpes and just ahhhhhhh every falls into place its why shes hellbent on saving dean because she sees her failings as worse than his and if she cant save him then what hope does she have in her mind ahahahahahhahahaha feralllllll im feral!!!!

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at first glance you think this is another fakedeep but no its from the opening monologue from the fnaf2 song "mangled" by natewantstobattle

more directly lifted from the game stuff, but slight changes to make it fit deja better

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another MARINA reference! this one is from her song "radioactive"

more deja x dean interactions that make me feral. do i have a reason for why shes in the dress? no! but i wanted it for the scene

still kinda want melodrama frfr (i love melodrama)

also what i mean by "rick sanchez moment" was shorthand for me to remember the end of the unity episode of rick and morty where rick goes to shoot himself in the head with his own gun and finds himself unable to pull the trigger (no joke one of my favorite scenes from rick and morty. like i havent watched an episode in years but that scene just stuck with me like legit such a good scene)

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yeahhhhhh hotel california reference go brrrrrr

okay i know i wrote "bribe arcade" but its more accurately "pay for an operation with an absurd amount of money to hopefully make up for selling the surgeon into slavery that one time that DIDNT EVEN HAPPEN ANYMORE" besides the point. her worst fear is that he remembers the inciting incident (the main reason she doesnt go back to the fort in any loop throughs)

yeet yeet skrt skrt is in reference to that rap roundtable snl sketch that i think is fucking hilarious but also all of this is besides the point

slight change here cause i needed a reason for why she doesnt go say hi to them again which is just that the collar keeps beeping (at least in her head)

at one point i knew where she got the guitar from. now all i know is that she must have gotten it in a different chapter but i dont remember lol

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fakedeep chapter title that i thought sounded cool (still thinks it sounds cool)

ayeeeeee its the mental breakdown chapter! idk what i was thinking but im not chaning it becausee im an edgy dramatic fuck! its probably for the best that i didnt get around to this chapter because my art skills are certainly not strong enough to visually portray this properly

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sike! you thought there was only one hotel california reference!

sorry benny fans deja has ✨issues✨

another scene that i thought i had the skills to draw. let the record show that i do not! but i am an edgy fuck that wants to see our protagonist lady covered in blood and sobbing

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this one is a line from "hourglass" by set it off (such a good fucking song!!!!)

its lots of foils and parallels and other narrative things that make me feral frfr

i do feel like that we go from "absolutely unhinged" to "rational decisions" a bit too fast but idk how to fix that (and unless someone wants to take up the passion project of drawing this ill never have to haha)

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a third MARINA reference lets go!!! this one is from "valley of the dolls"

as you can tell from the andy king reference (specifically from his time loop christmas movie vid that was a complete coincidence i think) i was running out of steam on this plot breakdown. but i think i got my points across

i love cyclical storytelling frfr

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jamais vu is the concept of something familiar feeling strangely foreign (the opposite of deja vu)

yes i translated that latin myself i didnt take 7 years of latin classes for nothing babeyyyyyy

look im looking at this now and idk if arcade would actually be so chill/forgiving with this ending but the implication is that hes also been stuck in the timeloop, but life has been mostly normal for him (aside from not trusting the girl that literally sold him to a dictator if she ever showed back up). but once he heard that caesar finally died he figured that she must have learned some lesson wasnt all that bad ig? idk anymore

also happy endings for everyone yippee! i still dont feel like i redeemed dean but its fine its fine its fineeeeeeeeeee

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if you stuck around to the end, thank you so much for reading this! it genuinely means a lot to me to know that people have read my work, even if its unfinished and riddled with potentially terrible choices

also, again, if someone whos reading this wants to take this comic idea on as a passion project, dont be afraid to message me! honestly id still love to make this comic a reality but i do not have the visual artistic talent to draw this (can write dialogue like a pro tho) aaaaaaaa enough putting myself out there and baring my soul for tumblr back to the void for meeeeeeeeeeee

Five likes and ill post the chapter breakdown for my (sadly abandoned) dead money fan comic