#BUT LISTEN i didn't had motivation to draw much and school is exhausting. But! in the end I managed to fill two pages! yayy :D

[yurki-posts]

Guess who got a new sketchbook~

No colors for them. Didn't had any dark greens nor browns unfortunately.

some doodles here :P

Love these two rabid animals

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Right Next To You...

A/n: So I'm back. Not for very long due to lack motivation. I feel like this episode is kinda repetitive with the words. This came to me while listening to the bridge of "Die with a Smile" and i just imagined the scene where you two reunite to be on the bridge. Very edit worthy scenarios. This is kinda a mini fic. School ends this week and lucky me, my birthday is the weekend.

It's said that when a person dies, they have seven minutes left when their brain is still active for one last time, flashing before them memories of when they were their happiest.

In a moment of acceptance came a will to refuse, and Simon felt the numbness after what seemed like an endless burning heat of hell.

It seemed like he was in a haze with the look in his eyes reflecting the burning building around him as he remained unable to move.

~

“Breathe, love. Just breathe with me,” he murmured, kneeling beside the bed, one hand wrapped around yours, the other smoothing damp hair from your face. His voice trembled even as he tried to be steady, calm—for you. But fear and awe danced in his eyes as he watched the woman he loved battle pain for the life they’d created.

The midwife was focused and firm, her voice cutting through the haze. “You’re almost there. One more push, sweetheart. One more.”

You shook your head at first, gasping, your body exhausted, bones trembling. Tears welled in your eyes. “I can’t— I can’t do it.”

The next hour was the most excruciating for you, but it was all worth it after getting to hold your child. On the other hand, your husband was struggling to process that he finally gets to hold his little one.

~

"Adadadada— dadada... mmmm" The baby stimming herself by calling Simon over and over, "Yes, bee?" he responded with a chuckle.

He'd never be tired of her sweet little voice, the little yawns accompanying her babbling. She giggled her little heart out as he rested for the night. There was no other way to sleep comfortably when home with his family.

~

"Daddy, don't leave yet, please? Mommy and I will miss you," His daughter sniffled..

"I wish I didn't have to, princess, but you understand why daddy has to work, right? So I can give you and mommy everything you've ever wanted and needed."

"But daddy.. we need you too.." she cried.

Simon's eyes darted to the fridge and the colorful magnets that displayed the pictures, the drawings.

From the moment she was born, until now.. until the end of time, he knows deep in his heart that she'll need him. They'll need him.

How could he ever have left this behind?

Just for a second, that's all it took for Ghost... well, Simon Riley to realize.

He still has a family, imagining your reaction, what about his daughter? And yet here he was..

Then, nothing...

Waking up to the scent of medication and the ache in his body was a feeling he had become accustomed to—a strange kind of nostalgia he wished he could avoid, but found himself reliving time and time again.

He was used to the medical attention at this point, nurses and doctors checking every hour until it was visiting hour. Price came in.

"You've been out for two weeks, lieutenant. Wife's been calling me none-stop since the day I informed her of your state"

Price understood the importance of stepping aside when Simon demanded to be booked on the earliest flight home. After all, nothing comes between man and his family.

...

Simon didn't care if his feet burned, the sharp pain in his ribs meant nothing but seeing you bolting towards him at that shitty airport squeezed his heart dry.

You held your daughter in your arms, not caring all that much who you bumped into after weeks of waiting for news on your husband. All that went through your head was "What if he died? What then?".

After receiving that call from Price, which he knew made you mad, he didn't call you until the last minute, when your husband's flight was already landing. You just rushed there, not caring if you were in your sweatpants or unbrushed hair, just held by a claw clip.

His world froze as he ran.. the sheer force of the two of you colliding in an embrace was almost enough to set you both off balance. Simon groaned, "Shit.." you apologized to him as you tried to pull you away but his grip just tightened..

"Si.." your voice cracked, "You stupid bastard, can't believe you'd just.. ugh.." you couldn't help yourself, the tears just made their way out into a sob.

Simon felt your hand pounding on his chest, his little girl crying with you, cherub face buried in her own pudgy hands.

This needs to end— family is the only support he has left, and he's causing them pain, constantly worrying them and leaving them to fend for themselves. He can't care for them the way he truly wants if he stays out of reach.

He has a fucking family, he's not have a proper one all his life and he almost died, he almost left them..

He hasn't lived a good life yet.

Maybe now is the time to finally, actually, be happy—the happiness he was deprived of all his life.

@wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @thepalestinianjet @anonymuslydumb @the-second-sage @icarustypicalfall @connorsui @capuccino192 @iexiam @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @starryylies @duck-a-doodle @everlastingmoonlightsworld @keiva1000 @poohkie90 @drewsmusee @yveevie

[witheringvoice]

Motivation - A Poem + Vent

TW: Lack of a will to live, not necessarily suicidal thoughts, but mentions of lack of wanting to take care of yourself and shit.

You always have some amount of it, like I used to.

To learn, explore, make, create, listen, etc.

But I have little now.

I don't know if it's burnout, exhaustion, depression, or just loneliness.

Either way, I haven't had it in a while.

Not to take care of myself at all.

Then enters therapy, and finally, I was heard enough to go.

For someone who might help me like I need it.

Or just to word and listen, having the words nobody else has.

I have slight hope thanks to school.

Even if in the past it brought pain.

After all, I love to learn, it makes me a lil bit happy.

Even if anxiety controls me daily.

I still feel empty, because I still don't have enough.

It's fake to act like I do.

I barely take care of myself and my anxiety is the reason I open my eyes.

It's the reason I take care of myself the little bit I do, so no one gets angry.

I can't do what I want because of anxiety though, so what's the point?

What's the hope, will it ever even return?

Will someone spare some, even just help with support?

Some people want me to live, so I need it.

Motivation.

// TW: Eating disorder

It's brought to light more and more as the days go on...What started as a lack of motivation to make a proper meal during the lockdown (because my mom worked, my siblings didn't cook, and I wasn't used to making myself food), I didn't eat more than snacks. My mom would buy a giant carton of goldfish, and I'd keep it next to me in my little bed, or mattress on the floor, or couch, or wherever I was sleeping (sleeping arrangements changed a lot during 2020-2022, once sleeper on a pullout bed with my sister for a while, uncomfortable asf), and I'd be in bed, watching anime, writing, reading, drawing, and I'd just snack on goldfish throughout the day. Drinking was never something I was good at, but it used to be easier. Safe to say it stopped, safe to say my eating habits never got better. They got worse. Yes, I'm insecure about my body, but not nearly enough to force myself not to eat, I love eating, I love food, I used to eat a fuck ton, and I used to go sick when my grandpa had money (once a year usually, only happened 5 times I think?) to take us to a buffet because I'd overeat. Almost always got really nauseous and...puked. But now? I don't know why it got so bad. I can barely take a sip of water, eat a piece of candy, or have a mint, without getting fucking nauseous and sick. I eat once at max, if I'm lucky I eat a decent amount (I don't eat a lot, but it feels like a lot when I'm trying to force myself to swallow with all of my nonexistent motivation). I fill the bottom of the bowl, and only the bottom, with food, I have a candy bar, I have a small snack, a packet of M&M's, or as much of a meal as I can muster. But then that's it. Rarely do I have two meals, though if I stay up late enough I might have a midnight meal, that happens rarely. I can't bring myself to eat, my mom gets mad at me for not eating enough, I regret being honest, and I have a panic attack when she gets upset with me for not eating. It's not that easy. I took a test on the internet once (HAH, a test...To be fair the organization did email me and told me I should set up something and shit because it's good to get help for my problems and blah blah blah, stfu I don't need help...I mean I do but I don't like being told that lol), said I might have a severe eating disorder, talked to my sister, and said I have an eating disorder and I need to talk to my therapist about it before it gets worse. I don't want to. I don't want to. What if- What if they say I can't take care of myself? I mean I can't, but nobody needs to know that. I'm fourteen, I shouldn't have to take care of myself, BUT I'M FOURTEEN! I- I don't know anymore, I'm tired, I still feel sick from eating at...1pm? To be fair I had a packet of M&M's an hour or three ago, I don't remember one. Honestly, I've made peace with it. No, no I haven't. But I don't know what to do, my mom doesn't have the gas money nor the time to bring me to consistent therapy anyways so oh fucking well, right? Right. I'm fine :)