#BUT I MUST CRAM
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God gives his toughest of battles to his silliest of soldiers
(Me getting a bad cold the weekend before exams)
#LIKE I WANNA SLEEP#BUT I MUST CRAM#UUUGHHH#paracetamol ibuprofen soup and tea SAVE ME#funny#meme#funny meme#relatable
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shrimp fried rice <3
#LOOK AT FINN MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\#this joke has been made before i am sure of it but. for the sillies#doodles#also this single drawing has SO MANY HEAD CANONS CRAMMED IN IT. I MUST SPEAK#shrimpo dandys world#dw shrimpo#dandys world#cosmo dandys world#dw cosmo#finn dandys world#dw finn#dw toodles#toodles dandys world#tishas kinda there too but she doesnt get a tag
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not only am i deeply in awe of jungkook’s many talents displayed on stage today… from dancing, singing, and directing… but also the pureness of his heart 🥹 the way he looked so genuinely happy interacting with armys during the breaks, smiling and giggling, speaking so kindly and softly… expressing his gratitude and love for us over and over and over again… feeling comfortable enough to tell us in the moment that he was feeling very nervous but he was still determined give us his best… the intimacy and vulnerability in that… god i feel so damn emotional. i’m so grateful that we exist in the same lifetime and i was given the honor to love him and be loved by him in such a beautifully unique way not everyone will understand. i’m so proud of jungkook, not only for being an amazing artist, but most of all for having grown up to be an amazing human being 🥲💜
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This is what I have been working on this week. A4 paper in gouache. It's a rather difficult medium to work with. I do like the consistency, and the matte finish. But I found it hard to make the colours come out bright (I suppose gouache is like that?). I used coloured pencils and what is supposed to be oil pastels (it was straight up chalk lol). I think it could still use more work, but I fear I would just ruin it if I work any further. Overall, I'm happy with the result! Next up will be acrylics! Progress shots under the cut:
#gouache#lioness#drawing lions is actually fun#Worked on this in evenings#after work#omg yes the employment life began. back to school. elementary#i'm basically that meme now that goes#oh no i'm late for school!!! wait i'm an adult now *goes back to sleep*#I'M A TEACHER!!!!!!!!!!!#I have 10 thousand hobbies and now they must be crammed into the evening and weekends#i want to draw and game and work on my story and bake and read and and and#oh my god so much#maybe if i get rid of my phone i can make time for all of it#won't be surprised if it turns out i spend a total of 2 hours doom scrolling in bed
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edgy recolor elfilis my beloved
#two versions cuz i couldnt choose#chaos elfilis#fecto elfilis#fecto forgo#yes i must cram forgo into all my drawings 1.if i dont who will 2.i associate chaos lis w them too much to not put them in#lin isnt here </3#analiceoriginal.png#kirby#kirby fanart#kirby and the forgotten land#katfl#hoshi no kaabii#eyestrain cw#eyestrain#i feel like this one might be too tacky idk i like it
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i really hope i’m wrong, but ofmd s2e8 felt more like a series finale instead of a season finale? did anyone else get those vibes? :(
#Our Flag Means Death#Stede Bonnet#Edward Teach#Izzy Hands#Zheng Yi Sao#Jim Jimenez#Archie ofmd#Oluwande Boodhari#Spanish Jackie#Lucius Spriggs#Black Pete#Frenchie ofmd#Wee John Feeney#so much happened so fast#like they crammed so fucking much into one short episode#ofmd#ofmd spoilers#ofmd s2 spoilers#i have many thoughts on this episode but for now i must sleep
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Victor Frankenstein (2015), my new favorite movie the camp I've always wanted. Nothing has hit the craving for absolute CAMP like this movie. Every scene packs a punch, including the one with the meat monkey and then the one where James McAvoy sucking cyst goo into his mouth.
#the watch that had Henry Frankenstein crammed onto a pocket watch#“i must CREATE LIFE to settle the score” ??????????? fuck someone. make a baby.#personal#jk i loved it
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tbh sometimes giving people younger than me the space and freedom to explore the world for themselves instead of like. yoinking their phone out of their hands and making them a tumblr acct with a specialized cocktail blend of blogs i formulate for their own specific starter dashboard. is just so hard.
like yes i value you learning to formulate your own opinions after spending way too much of your life trying to parse discourse on both sides instead of just feeding you my own thoughts n opinions but also i want you to understand gender essentialism right now. i want you to understand that sometimes boundaries are put in place not for YOUR safety, but for the comfort of the people running the show. i want you to understand that it's normal to be wrong sometimes. i want you to understand that maintaining privacy online is important even if you don't care it matters now. i want you to understand that fiction is not real life, and that disgust is not a viable moral compass. i want you to know what a dogwhistle is so that you can start listening for them. i want you to understand that girls can kiss other girls too, like in real life.
and i'm sure if you muck around on the internet long enough, you might end up exactly where i am today. but i'm sure we could also just cut to the chase and get you started on the right path For Sure if i just picked you up and plopped you down on it myself.
unfortunately, people younger than me are still people who have to lead their own lives and experience at least some of the world for themselves, lest they never realize that they have to put their money where their mouths are.
#the worm speaks#it's like. *through gritted teeth* giving people the freedom of choice and free will also means giving them the freedom#to make questionable choices and get lost along the way.#like ofc i offer as much guidance and perspective as i can cram into their heads when approached#but one must also acknowledge how unprofessional it would be to go like#'twelve-year-old boy i am going to teach you about a website called archive of our own dot org. i think you would thrive creatively there.'#like. ignoring the fact that twelve isn't old enough to be on ao3. i'd be hesitant to say that even to a high school student#threading the needle of professionalism as a Weirdo who would also love to foster affinities for counter/subcultures in the kids#who are under my care in a purely professional capacity is. well. difficult.#i'm probably forgetting to express some crucial facet of my thoughts here but it's fine#tbh a big part of why i'd balk at introducing a teenager to ao3 is bc then it's like. there feels like an obligation to let them know my ao#bc any kid who would likely take to ao3 as a hobby is likely to be nosy like that methinks.#and good fucking lord. do i maintain a HARD separation btwn my personal and professional lives
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You can barely tell because I'm still, you know, posting, but the amount of time I spend here has decreased massively. Most of it was just scrolling out of restlessness and not actually wanting to post something lmao.
#Tomorrow my break ends so I want to quit it entirely save for designated log-in times so I don't lose touch with the mutuals <3#I'm thinking every three days or so. We'll see.#Ok I'm going to cram as many little updates as I can in the tags so I don't get tempted to log in again after this.#I learned to prepare a new lunch (toast with cream cheese and guacamole) and it's good even with the pepper mill missing#(so only seasoned with salt and lemon). It must be even better with pepper.#I copied it from something I ordered at a cafe a few days ago--kind of proud of it.#I'm also kind of proud of the fact that even though I've never prepared vegetables before (bell pepper and onion)#I could do it just from remembering the years of watching my mum cook. Without even the intent of learning.#I just absorbed by osmosis which parts she cut off and could replicate it pretty well.#Overall even though the current situation re:life would look pretty grim from the outside for a couple of reasons#I feels miles better just from the fact that I'm not playing cards and opening Tumblr and Discord like the fridge all the time.#I'm on track to finish Midnight's Children soon and loving it. Idk what I'll read next but I'm excited for whatever it is.#And I'm almost done learning my lines. In the nick of time before our first rehearsal.#I'm also rekindling my love for classical music. And my love affair with ancient Rome is alive and well.#I also started playing chess again. I want to write... And I might pick up violin again this time just for me.#Still drawing a blank as to what I want to *do* for the next years but maybe I'll get there. I'm thinking of getting a job.#l33chsp34k
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Random take but I feel like my art style is undergoing puberty
#I DO LINEART NOW#WHAT#SINCE WHEN#Artfight and viscomm has taught me a lot methinks#Namely that I CAN cram pieces with enough willpower 😂😂😂#I’ve learnt how to draw sketches MUCH quicker#And that not everything you draw must be a total masterpiece. sometimes you gotta draw a guy standing there#that was something I always wrestled with conceptually and now I think I get it#You can just. draw a guy. it doesn’t have to mean anything.#And I think I have a clearer view of my artistic goals rather than just ‘get good lol’#And I think I can finally accept one thing#marketinggggggggg#I’m still so fucking adverse to having a social presence that isn’t this blog but I feel like I’m gaining the mentality needed to succeed#in getting your art out there.#That being said since this was my first year of artfight I learnt a lot and made a lot of mistakes#BUT I think I’ll definitely have a better round next year <3#just pav things
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oh i Put Off grad apps. oops! fuck. oof. guess who's got one due November 30th and another due December 1st! that's right it's ME!
i'm gonna be fine and it's not the end of the world and all my rec writers are great and also my brain is on fire and i feel like a wreck. i can write well, i am surely qualified to *get in* to an MA, i'm alive, whatever whatever whatever
#AAAAAAAA#bad brains blogging#ghost speaks#personal#i HATE IT when adhd (and anxiety and etc) make me have problems. what do you mean my disabilities are disabling#guess i just get to cram!!!#(the thing i am actually worried about is funding but. uh. i have working proficiency in 2 going on 3 languages. i'm a good writer. please)#(why must academia suck so bad)
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countryhumans were weird as shit because half the thing that made them so controversial was people just doing Whatever with them (catboy nazi germanies were a popular point against them at their peak) and its like. Bro if youre gonna do that why even bother making them countries in the first place. just make a fucking oc
#do you just like drawing flags? im not sure you do considering the blue part of your americas just say ⭐x50#at least try to cram an inaccurate number of stars in there!! (<- guy who drew polandball at the time and has many regrets)#also that one fucked up nun from that one friday night funkin mod is never beating the countryhumans allegations.#although i did just say 'just make an oc!' so i suppose i must give them credit for that#whatever im goin back to bed
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Espio needs to go grocery shopping, both Charmy and Silver want to come with him but he can't handle both of them at the shop by himself.
Silver would at least respect Espio's rule of not touching anything in the aisles without permission and asking first before grasping something to put in the cart... Charmy meanwhile has already flung two jars of honey and six packets of cookies in there. But Espio's got a trick up his sleeve in a situation wherein both of them have to come along: call into Silver's sense of responsibility and rule-following to ensure Charmy does not break any of Espio's rules, and while the two of them bicker about it Espio's already gone on a mad dash through the shop to grab everything they need in three minutes tops. And another means of self-protection he has is pointing out to Charmy how it is supermarket law that anyone under ten goes into the children's seat of the shopping cart, no, really, they're even looking into increasing it to twelve, if Charmy doesn't follow that rule they cannot enter and thus cannot take home any cookies... When it comes to Charmy, I figure all Espio's morals fly right out of the window immediately at times! And Silver doesn't know better, so he can't call anything into question. Everything to make grocery shopping as quick and painless as possible for everyone involved!
#I hc Espio hates grocery shopping due to it constantly being crowded in the supermarket and it just being a pain in general#good thing he's got Silver to carry the bags home for him now!#silver the hedgehog#espio the chameleon#espilver#charmy the bee#the reason Espio picked twelve as Arbitrary Age To Lie About is because he figures Silver must be older than that#so he doesn't need to try and cram his beloved in the child seat lol
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i acknowledge that, because i reblog polls immediately and therefore when i do catch up on my dash it's just a fucking wall of polls for followers, i should probably have a poll tag to minimize the annoyance
the thing is, i don't have the time for all of that
#they have me crammed in a black-out-curtain-enclosed chunk of cube farm with another person DIRECTLY FACING ME#I Must Be Quick
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I want their fuckin freedom they have no chores no responsibility they can go out with their friends when ever they want for however long they want they can sleep in there bed all day they eat drink drive vehicles use the phone have a home with no bills no expenses they can spend their money on stupid things that bring them joy with no worry of the gas they burned in someone else's vehicle or if there's dinner at home they have no worries about laundry no worries about dishes no worries about the messes they make because they know I'll clean it up always I want to be viewed by my family and by my friends as someone who is an actual person with limits and boundaries and who has goals and dreams they'd like to accomplish in the day besides laundry for 16 people and not a tireless cleaning machine. I want to be able to rest and have hobbies I want to be able to do things with my partner and my friends again I want to be able to fuckin daydream and make up stories again for Christ sake I want to feel like a person and not a corpse forced into playing "tradwife" I want the freedom they all have while I'm in the background doin they're dishes.
#i don't mind helping with chores but it's the fact I'm the only one qnd i can get my four youngest to help me with bribes of sweets#but there's several adults living here who don't care that they make. more mess then a four year old#and could definitely start doin their own laundry#or take the trash out if it's full instead of cramming more into it so that the bag splits and is to heavy for me to lift#and I'm actually kinda strong like I've def lost a lot of energy n strength this year tbh but this bitch can lift pretty heavy boxes at work#and i split logs pretty regularly so im not the strongest gal by no means like of lord i had to carry my mother around everywhere#because she was a stubborn asshole who refused to use any mobility aids and then wanted to go shopping or go out and i had to just carry her#like i can carry an adult women but fuck if it didn't hurt me bad doin it and i had to stop several times to catch my breath#like I'm not super Strong but I'm not weak the trashbag cant weigh more then an adult#it takesn nothing to rinse a bowl out so your food don't turn into cement#or throw away the wrappers of your bandaids instead of tossing them on the floor#or wipe your shoes before you come in and track big chunks of dried mud and grass all over the home#my parents wanted 12 kids wnd our house to look like a magazine and they beat that mentality of the house must be clean as a whistle#because what if Jesus was to stop by we must have our home look so clean that we would be unashamed if jesus stopped#so clean we encourage him to look in cupboards and under the bed clean#i dont think that's a Bible verse but there was a biblical book that was all about having a home that was so clean constantly#just so you wouldn't be ashamed when Christ cand because cleanliness is closer to godliness#i really hate my mother like so much I'm glad i can finally say it I'm glad i don't have to work to earn her love or buy it#you shouldn't have to have to earn love especially from your parents I'm glad she can't constantly condemn me#i have nightmares about my mom condemning me or being smug n proud and ruining my life in the name of her cult#like throwing away all of my belongings and only having a bed a Bible some christan fiction four floor length Jean dresses baggy tshirts#also her giving my sister she favored a bunch of my organs since I'm broken anyhow and slowly dieing because i don't have a liver anymore#or her ruining my relationship and friendships because she didn't think they were godly enough so i have no one in my life except church#she tried to have an arranged marriage for me not a dream that happened#i know she loved me i hate that i think so low of her but her love felt like hate most of the time#i know she loved me though andni love her to I'm just glad i don't have to constantly hve to perform for her#i have so much garbage in my brain
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#if i see one more succession discourse post against my will..... its lights out for me#i love community i love shared creativity i love injecting passion into media#but it's hard to navigate that without being forced to see all the uh. the other shit.#granted i love seeing a good analytical post#but for the most part it feels like people just reinvented the trauma olympics.#and i think mayhaps i am not in a place to be looking at discourse surrounding abuse and family trauma....#esp in a fandom setting where all nuance is flattened#and one must be Good and the other as such must be Evil.#it has the potential to prompt really interesting and intimate discussion between friends!#but instead it is just........ catholic heaven and hell in tumblr post pills#i want to talk about it but alas there is no space to </333 so i will just think about it in my brain#succession#rambling#hello friends how are you all#hope u are well. i am... behind on work. so i am cramming.#chanting UR SIMPLISTIC DYADISM DOESNT SCARE ME as i shake in my boots#however i have seen some very interesting things.........
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