#BUT AGAIN I CAN'T CONTROL THIS SHIT
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guess who got covid 😐 and won't stop being contagious until Thursday 😐 my job starts on Tuesday 😐
my dad had me wear a dress to drop off an application to a pottery studio that wld pay me minimum wage if I got hired 😭 he told me to "dress for the job" DAD POTTERY IS FUCKING MESSY IM NOT GOING TO BE WEARING A DRESS AT THIS JOB
#i was supposed to have the closing shift dawg#i feel so bad telling my boss im sick but also like ??? i can't control that shit why am i insane#i only miss one shift tho and i told her i can make up for it on Sunday (which wld be a 7 hour shift compared to my 6.5 hour shift)#but also Friday (when I'll start now) is probably more busy than Tuesday so it'll be more frustrating to have a new person working that day#BUT AGAIN I CAN'T CONTROL THIS SHIT#original post
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Jumping feet first into Moon Knight comics and I still have a lot of ground to cover but the difference between this in the 2014 run
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Of Marc calling on Khonshu for a favor and him immediately complying vs the 2021 run
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Calling out multiple times, with the same verbiage, but Khonshu only responding when he gets what he wants out of Marc (recognizing Khonshu as father) is just ugh
#moon knight#moon knight 2014#moon knight 2021#marc spector#khonshu#i know the whole age of khonshu happened between then and now and the old bird is still salty#but waiting for marc to get desperate before he offers even a crumb of help at a price#this bird is so excited to get to mess with marc again. for marc to come crawling back. for him to be in control again#the guilt tripping parent ready to say just how badly you messed up#the repeated contrast between khonshu and steven/jake in the 2021 run is so good#even in this arc with marc having to demean himself to get khonshu's help vs steven stepping in without being asked#khonshu telling marc he can't help him vs the system making arguments to be allowed to assist#and in issue 30 khonshu being a sanctimonious shit vs steven and jake urging marc on and being with him till the last#listen go read the 2021 moon knight run it's so good
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i think it would be funny for the option choices in something gay to either be Bad or Very Bad
player FINALLY got the affection level with horror to like 60 points and there's a scene where horror's actually trying to be civil with killer maybe he's changing out of the RAGGEDY jacket he had on before and asking killer for his opinion
the option choices are either A) tell him he looks cute ✨✨✨ (-70 affection points 💀) or B) STAB YOURSELF IN THE SOUL (-20 affection points, -100 sanity)
there are no other choices
#and then thats the entire thing people just a whole game of try not to kill the murder time trio but youre one of them#killer does NOT want to be controlled by the player so you can't force shit like him being nice#or else you fuck up killer AND his relationship with dust and horror#but then again this is killer youre controlling here so the option choices you have are very limited if you try to go along with what you#think WOULDNT cause killer to crash out. i'm not the killer person ok i dont know i'm just a feeble horror and dust fan#all i am in the creation of this silly idea???? the creative assistant!!!! i am here for dialogue and designs and horror characterization :#i came up with this idea because horror's design in something gay is SO fucking cunty like jesus christ#is there a universe where horror sans DOESNT serve cunt????? impossible he does so in every possible world#tricule rant
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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#she's always been so good to him#yeah when they were kids but also when they meet again as adults#she looks after him and invites him into her family and pets him and indulges all his silliness#like how could he not fall for her#also she's gorgeous *cries* i love this lip color on her *cries some more*#his dad died early his mom abandoned him his grandma tries to control him (and he doesn't even know the half of it) but gonghee...#gonghee's just sweet and fun *bursts into tears* i am NOT ready for black hair 3 piece suit wearing dansoo i don't recognize my boy!!!#they even covered up his mole! like they can't get away with this...#kdramaedit#kdramadaily#my merry marriage#park ha na#park sang nam#ep45#mygifs#gyeolhonhaja maengkkonga#anyway the eps where he was beating up mingi and was mad as hell and she was oblivious#and here where she's cleaning up his split lip from fighting her cheating ass bf....good shit#like if you're his gf why are you cleaning my lip? case closed.
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People talk about fast metabolisms like it's all fun and games and eating whatever you want but they fail to remember that it also means your body is Incredibly Stupid and decides that you become deficient in everything in a couple or so days where it takes most others a week. Or months compared to "oops you forgot to photosynthesize sufficiently :( no i don't care that it has been freezing and overcast for the past week, you didn't absorb enough sun. Perish Badly."
Or at least it would be if i didn't like citrus fruits so much, probably
#glaring at whatever secret brain section is in control of my body resource management. why am i iron deficient again. it has been 2½ days.#and all that has been spent mostly SLEEPING because GUESS WHAT ALSO DOESN'T WORK RIGHT BECAUSE OF METABOLISM.#SLEEP AIDS. LIKE MELATONIN#i have to take a double dose if i want these fucking dumb ass gummies to do anything. otherwise they don't do shit unless I'm already asleep#but guess what? i can't get to sleep :) because another thing in the list of Patch Problems is chronic insomnia. and i can't sleep#so the melatonin does ✨️NOTHING✨️#same goes for pain meds and local anesthetics because my metabolism is so so good at it's job :) when it does not need to be#like bbg we are not poisoned we are at the dentist CALM THE FUCK DOWN??? SO I DON'T FEEL THE DAMN DRILL IN MY TOOTH?????#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhg#i do not need so many issues stacked on top of eachother#istg i would not have survived in any century before this one. what do you mean i get sickly deficient in things in less time than Normal™️#i can't even drink plain water or it makes me nauseated. body why are you Stupid#patchy rambles#is this slightly incomprehensible? probably#but it is 1 in the morning and i am pissed at my own body for hating me so much and this is My Blog so i put My Problems on it#rgrgrgrgr
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i wanna make a rule here about something that i've been chickening out about for like six months now, so i'm gonna give u the rule and then rationalize the rule for everyone, specifically myself:
if you're following me here on the multi then you need to be following me on @clochanam too.
now, i'm going to explain this and post as fast as possible before my anxiety overrides the part of me that's been fighting this rule for the past six months.
basically, and i KNOW there's not many of ye who this applies to, i want to stress that actually, like i KNOW 90% of y'all follow me on both blogs and i love you so so so much for that. but this is more for the people who aren't, and the people who may follow me in the future. aisling and the diner squad are one unit. i separate them because the vibes are different and i prefer to have them this way for many reasons, it's not relevant to this post but ANYWAY! these two blogs are not only affiliated, they are the same exact thing. they're the same universe, the same family, the same everything.
i literally have aisling's kids, aisling's dads, aisling's home and workplace, her enemies, her whole world is divided between these two blogs. and i don't want that to be misunderstood. so from now on, this is a rule, and i appreciate all of you so so so much, because once again, this isn't aimed at anyone other than the people who may choose to follow me in the future, like this explanation is just to calm myself down but i'm gonna stop typing now bc i'm just talking a lot to avoid questioning how reasonable this rule is.
#( i wanna continue talking tho let me EXPLAIN )#( like i know that there's an endless dialogue about female ocs vs. canons and male characters )#( and i guess it's a teensy bit associated with that too bc like. i don't want that yk? )#( i don't want to have people on my dash who would shit all over my female ocs and pursue romances with my male canons )#( i don't have that energy )#( but i also don't currently have that problem! )#( idk i just )#( i feel strange writing the rule out )#( i obviously can't control what anyone does )#( but don't follow me here if you have no intention of following me on clochanam too? )#( that sounds mean fuck )#( just. idk. respect. )#( ooc. )#( AGAIN THIS IS NOT AIMED AT MY CURRENT MUTUALS )#( UNLESS UR NOT FOLLOWING ME ON AISLING IN WHICH CASE )
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oh! oh </3 oh!! okay!
#he KNEW that apologizing in the nest was futile but when he thought riko was back he STILL APOLOGIZED#HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHO WAS TOUCHING HIM BUT HE WAS ALREADY APOLOGIZING#his genuine confusion makes me SO SAD#he’s been through so much but he's still like. so...innocent#his “normal” is so fucked up. he can’t even fathom how wrong the things that happened to him were#he knows firsthand that apologizing does nothing to break his fall and he's like... “is this a trick?”#like “what do you mean you’re not going to beat the shit out of me after i accidentally hit laila in a triggered state?”#“what do you mean there are ways to solve problems without violence?”#and him saying “i can't promise it won’t happen again” (lashing out when triggered)#as in: when it happens again i am expecting to be punished#as in: i will apologize if that's what you want. if that means you won't hit me. if it pleases you.#as in: but when it happens again-do what you must. i will deserve it.#he’s been hurt so often so badly that protecting himself is second nature#he has never been around safe people#his first instinct is fight or flight#his body is protecting him before his brain can catch up#and he obviously does not want to hurt them#but its so fucking HEARTBREAKING because he KNOWS he won't be able to control it when fight or flight kicks in#and if they are going to be around him it is inevitable he will resort to violence. it is all he knows.#but he still cares enough to prepare them for that reality#like. “i can't promise i won't hurt you again” and “i don't mean to” and “punish me as you see fit”#he's giving them permission to HURT HIM for protecting himself#tsc spoilers#tsc#the sunshine court#all for the game#aftg#jean moreau#the foxhole court#tfc
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#once again feeling the weight of EVERYTHING that's completely out of my control#from general things like the state of the world that's just ready to implode and kill us all both from enviromental hell#but also because the people controlling it don't give a shit in a political sense#but also from little tiny personal things like my inhability yo find a job that's recurrent at least and pays even minimal wage#amongst others...#and i just want to kill myself#like in a non serious way but also in a serious way idk how to explain it#(i'm not in actual danger tho don't worry)#and it might be because i'm on my period and that's when the suicidal thoughts peak usually#but i'm just not handling things well lately#and i'm getting increasingly more and more overwhelmed#to the point that i can't work#i'm drawing one line every 2hs pretty much and i have fast approaching deadlines i'm struggling to meet#and just everything seems so pointless right now#... yeah#welp happy sunday sorry to be a bummer#although by now y'all know so i'm just gonna ask y'all to ignore me#;)#i just need to scream at the void sometimes ya know?#and yeah a much healthier option would be to journal and not put it on the internet forever but whatever#what's the point of anything anymore?#personal#angel talks
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I want to know why, in the name of God, Steam thinks I have a videogame controller.
#ALL OF MY GAMES ARE PC.#THAT'S WHY I'M BUYING THEM HERE.#I AM A SIMPLE NOOB WHO LIKES TO PLAY CUTE SHIT NOW AND AGAIN.#I plowed through the entirety of Stray on buggie keyboard controls. You can't scare me.#and I'm not gonna be spending my money on a videogame controller. I have yarn to buy.
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Ya ever have a set of days where things aren't necessarily going wrong, but they aren't entirely right either? All the little shit continues to build up and you just wanna hide?
#text post#i feel like this is priming me for the rest of the year and I Don't Like That#been feeling scared and nervous abt it since November and well. excited as i am for the good things i have planned this year#the stuff i can't control and that might just Happen is getting to me today#since it's all little stuff out of my control#anyway ive fucked my day again by not prioritising the right things bc the things i was counting on working well aren't so.#so be it i guess. more chores and shit to do for this weekend#like im fine im just. tired already lmao
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IDW1 must take place on an alternate Earth where no one has ever heard of ACAB and everyone wears "thin blue line" merchandise because there's literally no other way that a single Autobot killing a USAmerican cop in self defense would be such worldwide news that even Mexican journalists would go "OMG???? You like, killed a cop?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?" and it wasn't even framed as like, "you killed a human," the phrasing every time any character talked about it was very specifically "he killed a cop".
The cop was also threatening to shoot a group of surrendering/not-attacking/injured Autobots btw which is just the icing on the cake honestly lmao
#yeah i still think about how that plot point's handling in phase 2 was fucking dumb#you can't convince me that if a usamerican cop got shot by an alien people wouldn't be making memes about it#ppl would be making memes like 'you know a pig is a pig because he'll even shoot alien robots when they're surrendering'#i'm also mad bc the gun that that cop had was a replica of cybertronian guns that meg spread among earth's populace#and what's worse is spike and this other guy literally HEARD M EXPLAIN HIS EVIL PLAN ABOUT THIS#but somehow in phase 2 literally no one ever brings it up ever again#like not even spike brings up the whole 'yeah M had mind controlling guns that he did specifically to destabilize the population'#he was just like 'nah that autobot shot a cop the autobots are evil now'#but like. i wanna make the earth ac/ab memes so badly lmao#you know that ppl would be making 'officer down' jokes about some cop getting killed by an alien robot#don't try to tell me that it's bc they're alien robots people would suddenly support the US#ppl literally make 9/11 jokes bc they hate the US that much don't even try to tell me earth would suddenly unite over a usamerican cop#getting shot on the job no less#and this is also a story written by barber who's literally the ac/ab writer that gave OP shit for being a cop so like#it's honestly so baffling. like was he trying to make a point about police brutality#bc jazz is black coded and he killed a cop so that's why barber wrote everyone hating jazz for it?#idek it's just another one of those stupid plot contrivances i hate and make me unable to take the rest of the story seriously
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need to get back to being the new me i built for myself before i got sick so badddddddd </3
#:)#2023 me was an iconic bitch i miss having a god complex and enjoying life so much lmao#idk i just had a bunch of revelations that i've pretty much emotionally backslid into the old me that sucked and it's bumming me out#like genuinely i can't remember the last time i made a choice based on my own desires instead of passive surrender lol#need desperately to take control and start doing shit again. the anemia is being handled. the opportunity is there#i miss going places and doing things and writing my fic and blogging umineko and hanging out with my friends!#and there's no reason why i can't do these things other than my own shitbrain leaving me too scared and depressed!#like. i've got kidney disease! i'm not some victorian maiden wasting away of ill humors!#this is legit an almost completely asymptomatic chronic illness i need to stop letting it win!#i just gotta get less miserable to the point where i actually wanna get out of bed again. then you will all See
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did y'all know that apparently i'm a good dancer. who'd have thought
#i keep being told that irl lately#yesterday i kinda panicked from an assignment that requires awareness of my body and movement#(bc well. yknow how bodies are. esp when you're fat + trans + got chronic pains) (also i was off balance hormones wise)#and both our director and choreographer were surprised by that#they said that i seem to have very good control of my body and how to move it and such#which is funny bc ngl. i do not move much lol. i mean i used to barely get out of bed or off the couch before i joined this program#i didn't actually dance properly in years. in part bc my stamina is shit lmao 😭 which is also part of why i panic over this stuff#so. being told this stuff is 3 different types of distressing kinda#1 bc it catches me off guard 2 bc it changes my perspective of myself 3 bc i'm scared it'll develop expectations that i can't actually meet#anyway. been stressed by physical assignments and practices since i joined practically all the time#but i remember the first time i did i got praised for it. it was like. exaggerated acting like a silent film#and apparently i had enough control of my body to pull it off. again. who'd have thought#this is so weird this is a topic i rarely unpack bc i just assumed i lost all ability to dance or even control my body properly#and bc my body always feels like an enemy. so i usually don't even wanna try#but i'm going against my nature practically all the time these days bc i love theater and i love my group mates a lot. hm#anyway this was. a long and meaningless ramble#tomorrow we're working exclusively with our choreographer which doesn't happen much if at all so i'm a bit worried#i considered telling her i can't come but i feel like another day of rotting in bed won't do me any good 😭😭#vent#i guess. technically#letting out thoughts heh. this does help process shit i must admit
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Trained from BIRTH and then told he's not good enough because he's not Nathan, it's not difficult to see why the little Askani'son would be the target of his disdain. To him, Nathan took EVERYTHING from him that was rightfully his. Panel source: [X-Force Vol 5]
#[Sorry I'm on my stryfe shit again-]#[but just- ugh- how much he went through for the promise of it being worth the suffering- only to have it ripped away]#[And for something he can't control or change??? Or for what he thinks is a LIE? NO. Not allowed. He refuses to accept it.]#[He won't lose everything just because he isn't CABLE-]#[I REALLY enjoyed this comic for its stryfe content - helped me solidify his motivations and mindset]#Twisted Mirror Image || Stryfe#Character Studies || Comic Panels
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seeing a vote blue no matter who post and counting down the hours until one of your mutuals screenshots it and tears it apart
#maybe it won't gain traction#but it's a crazy crazy post#it points out that dems have had ample opportunity to become more progressive due to losing voters and have chosen not to again and again#it blames a split vote for 2016#it says the only actions you can control are your own you can't 'make' dems do anything#so be sure to vote blue this year 💀#idk i guess i was saying similar shit in 2016 myself#but i was 20 years old and hadn't yet experienced 2016 2020 2021 2022 2023 or 2024#so i won't hold that against me#adam yaps
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