#BITING YOU BITING YOU BITING YOU BITING YOU RRRRRRRRRRR

[just-some-random-blogger]

You're Not Cute

Pedro Pascal x Reader

Summary: i saw a fucking tiktok of pedro reciting shakespeare and i will never forgive him for not letting me lie on his lap while he strokes my hair and recites said shakespeare to me. i thought you were a feminist pedrito?! i trusted you pepe. fuck you (me).

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: gender neutral!reader, actor/actress!reader, reader has hair im sorry if ur bald T_T and whipped for pedro and reading this, established but not public relationship (shhh it'll make sense), pedro go to jail party, crack fic, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: we all know pedro pascal watches his edits, but i wonder if he's ever... read fics of himself 💀💀💀💀 hi papi! if you're reading this first of all why second of all i love you the tiktok in question that has me at gunpoint tumblr. look at this gif. this is your man??? this is OUR man? fuck off. ALSO I HAVENT PROOFREAD THIS COS I GOT CHORES BYE Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @amis-love-bugs @top1bbgloak @sunfairyy @djarinsstuff @mooniesyubi @pedropascalgirly @mmmmandoz

"Wooooweeee!"

My eyes dart from my reflection on the mirror to the grinning man who popped up from behind me. I turn to him just as he begins wiggling his brows. I make a face him as he narrows his eyes and snaps his fingers while trotting over to me, "looking good, mi amor," he rolls his tongue to mimic a purr and gestures like a cat, "RRRRRRRRRRR."

I roll my eyes at him as I chuckle, turning back to my reflection, "hands off Pedro."

He gasps in offence, raising his hands, "I haven't even touched you yet!"

I lean in to more clearly see the dark blue line I was drawing by my eyes, "ok then," I shrug, "sorry for assuming."

Pedro tilts his head and waves his hands, "apology accepted--" he moves forward until he was close enough to snake his arms around me, "--in form of touching you."

I huff at his shenanigans but do not fight him off. In fact, I lean into his back hug and rest my head against him as we both look at our reflections in the mirror. I motion to my face amidst my scrutiny, "is the eyeliner too much?"

"Nope," he kisses my temple then retorts rather seriously, "it's yas slay."

I make a face.

His serious expression only lasts two seconds before he explodes into laughter. I release a huff as I bring my hand to my face while he thoroughly enjoys his own stupidity. I release one airy chuckle before giving myself a final once over, deciding I looked well put together enough. He inhales deeply to catch his breath then sighs against me, "you smell soooo good."

"It's called a shower," I moved to elbow him off, "you should try it sometime."

I grunt as I struggle against him. I hiss when I feel his mouth on me, "PEDRO!"

He pulls back, all after managing to leave a wet bite on my neck.

Pedro recoils and raises his hands in defeat. I punch him on the chest before wiping his mark.

He sighs, "it's kinda hard to shower by yourself, ya know. I need some help. Also!" he points, "you're dirty now, you got a little," he motions to his neck, "dribble on you-"

"PEDRO PLEASE," I pinch my fingers together, "my interview is in like, ten minutes," I point at him and scold, "contain yourself. Stay in your room."

I begin to storm off and he watches, moaning like a baby, "you mean our ro-"

I feel him follow after me. I snap, "STAY IN YOUR ROOM!" halting in my tracks. I push him back as I grab the door knob. He gives me a puppy dog frown. I give him one last point before closing the door behind me on my way out, "stay here."

Alas. I was in the living room, with a laptop set up in front of me as I did my online interview. I was glad that my Pedrito followed my orders and stayed in the bedroom for the entire duration. Not long now before it ends.

I smile to the interviewers as they begin to wrap up our short segment. I, along with he two hosts from a live news channel, laugh at the closing remarks. Suddenly, I find myself looking out to my side when I see an incoming Pedro just about to pass by.

He was stretching as he walked. He looked like he managed a brief power nap.

Oh fucking shit, he's going to the bathroom. And he's going to pass behind me to get there.

"Now, do you want to invite your fans to watch your film?" the male host asks.

"Uhhh," I trial off, as I turn to my side, rather un-inconspicuously. Pedro was soooooooo close now.

I panic as I turn between my camera and my impeding doom, "uhhh."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Aint no way he was about to pass behind me and expose us like this.

THINK! WHAT DO WE DO?!??!

If I say his name, they're going to know it's him, but if I don't they're going to ask who I'm talking to anyway, but if I ignore him, he's going to pass and reveal himself. FUCKKKKK-

And in the split second of panic, I burst out the secret fourth option, and quite possibly the worst one, "FUCK!"

Yeah. Everyone stops.

Cue, my string of panicked apologize, "shit, I'm- fuck, SORRY SORRY SORRY!"

I catch Pedro, just as he realized what he has just done, or what he was about to do, rather.

"Sorry," I cover my hands on my face, "Sorry I-"

The interviewers laugh at me as I recuperate.

I sigh, turning to my side, "it's- there's a ghost that lives in my house."

"Oh, wow, you live in a haunted house?" the female host chuckles, "how thrilling."

"Yeah," I turn back to my camera, "it's quite stressful."

The interviewers chuckle as I regain composure and wave at my camera, "anyway, the ghost in my house says go watch the film with your loved ones, with family, friends, and your house ghosts too. We all worked very hard on the film, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed working on it."

"Right!" Pedro agrees off camera, making me tense in my seat. He adds rather weakly as we make quick eye contact, "right."

The male host laughs, "wow, your ghost is really excited about this film."

"The ghost is going to get evicted soon. I'm calling an exorcist." I force a smile.

Finally, we say our goodbyes and I immediately shut my computer before any other fiasco happens.

"Sorry!" Pedro says immediately once he drops to his knees next to me, "I had booger brain. I woke up from a nap."

I look down at his messy hair and remorseful face. He grabs onto my legs and continuously apologizes to me.

I roll my eyes at him and tilt his head up at me as I grab him by his dark hair, "apology with tears."

He pouts, "I'm really, really sorry, baby. My booger brain..."

I release my grip on him and he immediately sits down next to me and pulls me into him. He continuously apologizes and I lean into his touch, beginning to feel bad for how genuinely remorseful he was. Just a little. He's kinda cute when he's pathetic like this.

"Pedro it's fine," I say, turning to him, pecking his lips repeatedly, "nothing happened. The hosts played it off too, which was really nice of them."

I crawl onto his lap and embrace him. He sighs and embraces me back. I nuzzle my face into his neck and murmur, "weren't you going to the bathroom?"

"Hmm? No, I was going to make a sandwich."

I snort, "of course you were."

I pull my head back and we look at each other. Pedro rubs my back. An idea springs into mind. I smile deviously, "I have decided that your apology will be in a form of Shakespeare."

When I shift off him to lie on the sofa and prop my head on his thigh, he looks down at me with furrowed brows. He brings his hands to his chest, "is the genuineness of my remorse not sufficient enough for you?"

"No, Don John," I sigh, "hark to me. From the top. Much Ado About Nothing."

Pedro chuckles airily before gathering my hair and pulling it back so that he could comb through it with his fingers. He sighs, and I turn to him as he scrunches his face, "I don't fucking remember."

"Do the, 'I must be sad when I...' like, feel like it, or some shit."

Pedro throws his head back and laughs. He sucks in a sharp breath, "like," he says with his exaggerated LA accent, "I have to be sad when I feel like I need to be sad."

"Exactly! Do that part," I giggle.

He continues, "I also will totally not smile at your lame jokes," he purses his lips and makes a face.

"Wait, that's what that means?"

Pedro nods at me, "yeah that's what that means."

"I thought that meant, like, I'll cry when I want to and smile when I want to."

"Well," he caresses my cheek, "you're not too far off."

I wave my hands, "ok, ok, now do the rest, and do it properly this time."

He playfully growls at me, "well, it's kinda hard to do Shakespeare when this cute lil thing is distracting me."

"Do better then."

"I'd rather do you."

"Pedro."

"What? You started it!"

I roll my eyes make a zipper motion to my mouth.

Pedro clears his throat. He mumbles some lines to himself to jog his memory, "... sleep when I am drowsy and tend on no man’s business," he states in an exaggerated manner, "laugh when I am merry and claw no man in his humor."

I hold in a laugh as he raises his hands in dramatics.

"And then," Pedro calls, "Conrad says something but I can't remember what he says."

"Pedro!" I whine.

"What?! I can't recite something I forgot, now can I?" he replies, busying himself with brushing my hair again.

I cross my arms, "boomer."

"Yeah, but I'm your boomer," he says pinches my nose. I wrangle against his actions and sequentially sit up.

Before I could retaliate, a phone rings across the room. It takes a second for me to realize it was I that received a phone call. I go ahead and answer upon seeing it was from my manager.

"Hello?"

"What have you done?!"

I pull my head back at her tone, "uh... hello to you too. What do you-"

"Are you aware you have a mirror behind your sofa?" she says.

I make a face. What does that-

I freeze, expression dropping as I turn to Pedro and slowly then to the mirror behind my sofa. There's a mirror behind my sofa. I have a fucking mirror behind my sofa.

My manager hums at my silence, "so, you want to make a statement with the ghost in your house before people catch on, or-"

I sigh as my manager begins to run down the possible things we could do. Pedro looks at me in concern as I wipe my face in frustration.

"Yeah, okay, okay. Let me call back in a minute. Bye."

Once I hang up, Pedro shifts on his spot and raises his brows at me.

I purse my lips, "they could see you in the mirror, Pedro."

He knits his brows, "see me in the mirror?"

I raise my brows at him.

He tries to piece it together, "see me in the... OH."

"Yeah, oh. My manager already spoke to yours, and they want to know what we want to do before people start making memes about your ugly face in my fucking mirror."

Pedro gives a guilty look. He throws his arm on the backrest and drops his head on his shoulder, "I... could change my name on Instagram to 'Ghost'."

I roll my eyes, "not fucking helping, Pedro."

"NO! But I'm serious, I-"

[emotionally-irridated-hazmatter]

Ah, hallo Haz! Its gut too zee you again...I do hope you're doing alright after zhat surgery eheh

Goop reaches out to pat Haz hoping that absolutely nothing could at all go wrong with that and not at all learning from his past mistakes.

-@physically-goopy-medic

Haz instantly lashes out to bite Goop’s hand as expected, but the mask gets in the way and they end up just bumping against Goop’s hand violently

RRRRRrrrrrr.

[askthebadkidz]

Sprak goes rrrrrrrrrrr and bites you very very hard.

Baron seems to be doing better now.

-Baron

Mod Baron: I'm back :]

Sprak and Riz are sort of laying on their backs and kneading the air a bit. Seems like they’re calling themselves.

[aching-tummies]

I come home from working the night shift to see you lying in bed while rubbing your stomach. "Is your stomach upset?" I ask trying to look sympathetic. I feel bad that you're stomach is upset but I love seeing you like this, your shirt ridding up your taut belly while you moan in discomfort. I rub your belly gently and soothingly at first, but gradually start applying more pressure. Your stomach gurgles loudly as my hands continue prodding it.

Thank you for waiting! I'm sorry it took so long. I haven't had time to sit down and write a proper response to this lovely, RP-Scenario/Ask. I hope my response did it justice!

Glup…rrr…ble…

There's barely enough light from the window to illuminate the room. I blink the sleep from my eyes, looking toward the bedside clock even as I feel the material of your sleeve lightly graze my navel as your hand runs a barely-there circle over my belly.

7:12AM. I lie back with a groan, a gurgle from my stomach resonating with my noise of complaint. A small belch cuts off the sound of my annoyance. I've been 'asleep' for less than 40 minutes. The last timestamp I remember seeing was 6:37AM. I remember it because it was right before I rolled over to be slightly on my left side and my stomach had reacted to the shift so painfully that I honestly thought it had ruptured within me.

I'd gotten home late last night. You were already gone, off to meet a friend for dinner or coffee before heading to work. Usually, you wouldn't have left quite so early…but you had left me a note. Apparently, you'd made a lasagna for dinner. Unfortunately, we're planning to have guests over in the next couple of days, so our fridge has no more room for leftovers. I'd lifted the foil off of the pan to find that you had packed away the smaller half of a 9x13 pan. That left half a lasagna for me to "take care of". I'd gotten home around 9PM. It was late and I usually wouldn't eat so late at night…but I love your cooking and lasagna is a rare treat. I thought I'd be able to power through most of it to avoid food-waste if I paced myself…though I wasn't exactly hungry so late at night.

The lasagna was delicious. You aren't shy with the cheese and you make it with lots of veggies (spinach, carrots, tomato, and every so often some mushroom and/or zucchini or eggplant if we have them). I paced myself, wanting to enjoy the food…but also knowing that I wanted to eat as much of it as possible to avoid wasting anything. Honestly, I tried putting some of it away, but our fridge literally has no room for anything more thanks to the various 2L drinks we're cooling and the prep for the dishes we'll be making when we have guests. Even trying to ball up the last slice in the foil and finding room for it just wasn't going to happen.

Luckily, I have the day off today so I decided I could use today to sleep off the food coma. If I'd been less exhausted from work, I would have realized that this was your plan all along.

"Aww…is your poor belly upset?" You coo at me, increasing the pressure of your palm as though testing the sheer tautness of my belly. A couple of strong pats causes the contents to shift uncomfortably. An aborted belch crawls up my throat and I bite back a groan as my insides squeeze against the glut of food still within. The impact of your pats jostles stuff, upsetting the delicate calm I'd finally coaxed my guts into. Some point before I fully awoke, you'd bunched my shirt up and the covers are now down to my hips, exposing my noisy belly and the fact that there isn't any give beneath the skin.

GrrrrRRRk…rrrgl……rrrrrRRRrrr… My stomach makes a distressed sound. If stomachs could wail, that's what it just did. I whimper as it continues to gripe inside of me, discomfort amping up as my guts are reawakened by your actions.

"Poor, poor tummy." You punctuate each of your words with another sharp pat to various parts of my exposed stomach, upsetting the mess further.

A deep grumble causes me to wince and it doesn't escape your notice as my hands fly to cradle my ball of a stomach. You watch as I gingerly rub at it as though even the most gentle of touches aches something fierce.

"Aww…does someone have a tummy ache?" You coo at me. I send a glare at you, though I don't think it's effective given our positions.

"Urp." I answer you with a belch, brow furrowing as I swallow back the stubborn mess that tried to rise with the expelled air.

*GrrRRrrrrrr….glk…rrrrrrrrrlllllblblb…." My stomach vibrates with an angry snarl, tapering down beneath your palm. I feel like I swallowed something set to 'vibrate'…I only hope you can feel it 'cuz I now realize that all of this was planned. You knew I had the day off. You knew you'd be back from the night shift in time to enjoy this. You knew we'd have no space for leftovers in the fridge. The only unknown was going to be the state of indigestion in my tummy--and considering your striking range…that wasn't much of a variable at all.

"Poor tummy. Was it the cheese? Is all that cheese hurting you so? Or was it the spinach? I know that frozen stuff gets you sooooo upset." There's a clear distinction between your teasing tone with me and the loving coo you use to address my stomach. I know these questions aren't directed at me, but at the grumbly mess beneath both of our hands.

You continue rubbing at my stomach, pushing my hands away. I allow the action, but only because I feel so terrible and because you seem to have intentions of being gentle.

I notice, too late, that your rubs are stirring up something in my guts. They are far more vocal than they have been in the last few hours. I only managed to get a couple of pitiful rumbles and squelches to happen with my own rubs. My guts were too packed to make much noise. There simply wasn't enough room for gas pockets amidst the cheese and pasta and veggie/beef mix. There's not much room for it now either, but the fact that some of the mass of food has entered my intestines means that whatever air and empty space in my digestive tract had to be displaced.

Without warning, you push your palm down on my left, right over my jam-packed stomach organ.

"Ugh….UrrrrllpP!" A splash of stomach acid assaults my esophagus as that sizable belch is forced out of me. "Ouch!" I hiss and grab your wrist, moving your entire arm so that your palm is no longer jutting into such a sensitive part of my gut. "Ungh…aaahhh…" My pitiful moans are continuously interrupted by equally pitiful belches. There just isn't enough room in my guts anywhere to have a sizeable pocket of air. Trying to force one is painful and also extremely difficult with the dense mass inside my guts.

"Ugh…quit it." There's no bite to my words. I'm groggy from whatever sleep I managed to fall into, and the weight in my guts has made me very, very lethargic.

You're unbothered. You retract your hand a bit…opting to poke with a finger instead of with your palm. I don't know if that's much better. You swirl a finger around my navel, more exposed thanks to the internal pressure on the other side of flesh. I'm suspicious of you, but in my sluggish state I fail to grab at your wrist again before you poke sharply into the sensitive core of my navel.

I see white as the ache in my gut explodes. My guts were not happy with that poke at all.

As I regain my senses, I realize that your palm is in place…but I feel like I'm moving? You've taken to sloshing at my guts, pushing it in all directions as though you're trying to shake up the contents of my belly. Good luck with that--there's zero give or room in there for things to move. The turbulence doesn't do much about the dense mass of food, but the air pockets begin to move--ramming through the mess. For a moment, I can't get a word out edgewise because of the sheer number of burps forcing their way up and out. Nausea builds but I don't have an opportunity to tell you as you shove harshly into my stuffed guts. 'Agony' is an understatement. My poor organs are beyond distressed and upset at your idea of 'fun'.

Hopefully, with all this movement the glut will be out of my system by tomorrow. I've got to work and then we're entertaining some friends for game-night and I really, really, really am not looking forward to tackling that day with an achy, upset tummy. I really hope this is a one-off session and you don't have more planned for me. My stomach can't take any more.

[bittydragon]

The Ant King

Note: Huge thanks to Bittydragon for inspiring me to write this. I’ll be honest, this is the first fic I've ever actually written, as well as the only piece of creative fiction I've written in like two years so… fingers crossed it goes well hahaha.

TW: tight spaces, darkness, uh,,, bugs i guess. Near death experience

  There are things you have to know about ants when you get an ant farm. Basic fundamentals. What to feed them, how to keep them alive, what type of ants you have, etcetera. Even if your intentions were… torturous. After all, you need to know what makes something tick in order to make it stop.

One of the more common facts about ants is that every colony has a queen. She orders her ants to keep her alive so she can make more ants. Simple biology, the continuation of a species. Every nest has a queen, or it dies.

Apparently, this colony didn’t get the memo.

These thoughts buzzed in grumpy circles around Wilbur's’ head as he followed his ant companion, Tommy, deeper into the ant-farm. They had been wandering these tunnels for what felt like days now, in the center of the farm so there were no glass barriers to show the outside world. They were deep too. Almost at the bottom of the compound. Wilbur was not one to show fear, but even he was beginning to get claustrophobic.

Tommy, who up until now had been jabbering like a toddler the whole trip through the ant-farm had also gone uncharacteristically silent. The whole trip Wilbur had wanted nothing more than a few seconds of quiet from him, but now he missed the carefree noise.

They were on their way to see the ant King. A type of ant that, as far as Wilbur knew, didn’t exist. So either they were on a wild goose chase, or Will was way out of his depth.

The further they went, the more he was convinced it was the latter.

“Tommy do you-” Wilbur paused, his echoing voice in the tunnel almost felt like a taboo. An affront to the maddening silence that stalked them. He lowered his voice.

“Do you think… Will I ever get back to normal? Will the ant king change me back?” He hated that little quiver in his voice. He hated the uncertainty. The waiting.

Tommy continued to march forward silently, pondering the question.

“I dunno big man, I think you’ve changed heaps since you got here.” He turned his head to flash Wilbur a grin “Then you’ll be out there and all nice n shit. It’ll be poggers.”

The tunnel was dark, but not dark enough to hide the flash of uncertainty in Tommy’s eyes.

Wilbur's heart sank. “Thanks mate.” He mumbled, and they trekked on, once more in silence.

  By the time they saw light, it felt like they had been walking for days. Wilbur was almost glad he was about to meet possibly one of the most powerful ants in this colony. They rounded one last bend, and they were there.

Before them stood a huge double door set in the wall. Two vines with some kind of glowing fruit framed the door, shedding light on the small space. In front of the door, leaning on a spear made from a twig was another ant with a pair of large white rimmed goggles. 

“Well… This is it I guess.” Wilbur muttered. He cleared his throat “Hey, um. I-i’m here to have an audience with the King? If that's alright.”

The guard ant didn’t respond, continuing to stare at them with no discernible expression.

“H-hello?” Wilbur glanced at Tommy, who shrugged.

“Excuse me? Anyone home?” Wilbur snapped his fingers in front of the ant's face.

He seemed to startle slightly, before slumping down a bit and letting out a loud snore.

“What the fuck” Tommy said.

Before anyone could do much of anything, one of the massive double doors creaked open and a voice came through.

“George, I swear if you fell asleep again, I'm going to rip off your antenna and use them as- oh.”

Another ant entered the room, this one also carried a twig-spear and had a strip of white cloth tied around his forehead.  As soon as his gaze landed on Wilbur, his expression soured.

If looks could kill… Wilbur thought nervously

“It’s you” The new ant spat “Took your sweet time getting here Soot. Earthquake slow you down? Didja get a taste of your own medicine from your big pals out there?”

Wilbur pursed his lips, and the ant snorted. “Yeah. Thought so.” He walked forward and gave George a hard shove, sending the other ant sprawling with a startled yelp.

“Sapnap what the hell?!” He snapped, before spotting Wilbur and Tommy. “Oh hey. That guy is here.”

“Yeah he’s here, idiot.” Sapnap smacked George over the head with his spear “And we would have known a lot sooner if you hadn't fallen asleep on duty again!”

“OW! Sapnap stop! Get off me!”

Wilbur cleared his throat, drawing their attention “Sorry to interrupt, but me and my friend have been walking for a long, long time, so could we please have an audience with the King?”

Subpoena glared “Yeah. He’s waiting for you. Against my advice, he wants to see you.”

Oh. That… didn’t sound great.

Wilbur tried not to think about the implications of that statement as he approached the double doors. Tommy moved to follow, but was stopped by the guards.

“Hey!” He groused “Let me through dickheads!”

“I'm afraid the King only wants an audience with the great and powerful Wilbur Soot” Sapnap said with a smirk.

“But I want to go too! Let me in! You stupid ugly bitch ill fight you! You may have a fancy stick but just wait until I pull out my knife-gun!”

“Tommy its fine.” Wilbur interrupted “I’ll be fine mate, promise. Just wait here. I wont leave without saying goodbye.”

The last thing he saw was Tommy’s antenna drooping sadly, before the doors swung closed behind him.

  If Wilbur thought the tunnel was dark before, that was nothing compared to the room he was in now. The darkness was so thick, so absolute, that it made no difference if his eyes were open or closed.

“Hello?” Wilbur called “Uh… your majesty? I was told that you wanted to see me.”

His voice echoed slightly in the huge space, but there was no reply.

Wait. What was that? Something rasped ever so slowly across the opposite wall. Something big. As it moved, the moss where it had been standing glowed a dull green.

Bio-luminescence Wilbur reasoned. Trying to distract himself from the fear creeping up his spine. Touch activated, it seems.

He swallowed dryly “L-look, just tell me what you want. I’m not here to cause trouble”

The thing moved again, its raspy scuttle reverberated through the chamber.

“Wilbur Soot, not here to cause any trouble” A thoughtful voice hummed from the dark “Now that’s a first.”

The bio-luminescent moss was lighting up more of the room. If he squinted, Wilbur could make out a... leg. Probably.

Wilbur inches slowly to the side, the moss lighting up his own path. “Okay, I get it, I've done morally questionable things in the past, but I've learned a lot from my time here. I’m sorry.”

“For now” The voice replied. The thing was moving on the other side, matching him step for step. “What's to say you aren't faking remorse to get out of here? And maybe you really are sorry. How can I be sure you wont change your mind the second you're back to normal? It's too much of a risk.”

Wilbur continued to back away nervously “Your majesty-”

“Please, call me Dream. Everyone else does.”

“Right… Dream. I can say with 100% certainty that won't happen. I've seen people die in front of me. That’s enough to change anyone's stance on something.”

“And yet I'm still not convinced.” It was moving faster now, scuttling across the floor, walls and even across the ceiling. Wilbur's head spun with the motion. “And since we’re talking in hypotheticals, riddle me this: Whoever said I was going to let you out anyway? What if I just like to play with my food?”

Dream stopped suddenly, rearing over Wilbur, and with all of the lit up moss, he got his first proper look.

This ant was huge. Twice- no, at least three times the size of Wilbur himself. He looked a bit like a centaur, with a human torso connected to a pure white and thorax and abdomen.He also wore a strange white mask with a blank eyed smiley face drawn on.

Two huge claw arms- similar to those of a praying mantis- extended from Dreams waist and slammed into the dirt either side of Wilbur, startling him enough that he fell onto his ass. The king leaned forward with that lifeless grin, and Will closed his eyes, preparing for the end.

“But…” Dream said thoughtfully “A proper experiment should account and test for all variables, shouldn't it?”

“Y-yeah generally” Wilbur stuttered

“Oh good.” Dream hoisted him roughly to his feet. “I’m glad I asked you. After all, you know all about experiments, don’t you?”

Wilbur chose not to answer, glowering at Dream as the eyes on his mask briefly glowed a dull green.

A moment later, Sapnap and George marched in, dragging a cussing and struggling Tommy behind them.

“YOU STUPID MOTHEFUCKERS!!! Let me go or ill get married in rage!! Fuck you and-! Oh. wow that is a big fella.” Tommy stopped and stared in awe at Dream

“Sapnap, give Wilbur your spear.” Dream ordered.

A flicker of doubt crossed Sapnaps face but he obediently shoved the spear into Wilbur's hands.

“I’ll make you a deal, Wilbur Soot.” Dream purred, circling him. “I will let you go to your old life. You can do whatever you like; kill us, torment us, throw us away… it doesn't matter. All you have to do is kill one ant.” He gestured to Tommy.

“What?” Wilbur whispered.

“WHAT?!” Tommy roared “fuck you! I'm not your dumb-ass pawn, I'm going to kill you! Rrrrrrrrrrr!” he writhed, attempting to bite George who did a surprisingly good job of holding him still.

“Go on.” Dream cooed “It's just one insignificant ant standing between you and freedom. You've killed hundreds. What's one more?”

Spear in hand, Wilbur took a hesitant step forward.

Tommy's gaze snapped up “Wilby?” He asked, his struggling pausing for a moment.

Their eyes met, fear clashing with sorrow. Tommy seemed to see something in Wilbur's expression and hung his head in defeat. As if he had expected Wilbur to betray him.

Oh hell no. Fuck that. Wilbur angrily tossed the spear aside.

“No. I won't.”

“What?” Dream spat

Wilbur rounded on him “No! I won't kill him! Keep me here, kill me, hunt me for sport, whatever! Just leave him out of this! Tommy has been nothing but nice to me since I met him, even though it don't deserve it!” He rubbed his arm. “God knows I don't deserve it.”

“Hmm…” Dream hummed “Are you sure, even if it costs you your life?” One of Dream's massive claw arms grazed his side, a subtle threat.

Wilbur looked over at Tommy, who had a look of hope on his face.

“Yeah.” Will smiled, “I'm sure.”

I probably could have written more, but i wont. I hope you like this fic bitty! Thanks for reading :)

Edit: Fortune, this is amazing! Like, I hadn't really thought about this encounter in a lot of detail, but I honestly like this a lot! And Dream being a big boy since he's the king ant. Just yes. Thank you so much for this.

[stevenbasic]

By Tuesday afternoon, I was beside myself. Seeing patients again, but distraught. The office was a hot mess - so many new girls, crowding the hallways and desks, mostly being trained by people who also didn’t know what they were doing. My schedule was a hot mess - they’d overbooked me, with all the patients I was supposed to see the day before but had been rescheduled. And my mind was a hot mess - surrounded by not only all these new women (I’d kept my head down, sneaking into my office between patients when I could, and hadn’t really introduced myself to anyone yet) but also by the din of construction and random dudes walking down the hallways from time to time...

For some reason the presence of guys - mostly strapping young men in hard hats and t-shirts - upset me more than the bustle of bimbos giggling and pointing at me as I snuck from patient to patient. Maybe I was imagining it, but they seemed to look at me funny, askance, with a condemnatory eye. In particular I’d seen that one with the shaved head and tattoos, the tall one who’d disappeared with Melissa from the parking lot this morning. He was the one hanging around the most, glaring at me snidely. It was jealousy, I knew, that was tightening my chest whenever I saw him - an unreasonable reaction, not an emotion I should be feeling; Melissa was not mine to covet. But when, right around lunchtime, I saw the door to Melissa’s office open and him get pulled inside? Well, my blood began to roil. She’d made no effort to see me all day, and now this??

What were they doing in there?? Would she be having him take more pictures of her for Instagram? Would she be changing into new outfits for her followers, bikinis and lingerie? Would he be bending her over her desk and-

I knew I was being crazy, jealous, stupid. I had no reason to suspect any of this. But still I couldn’t stand it. So, finally, I broke. Right around 3pm.

“Can you tell Melissa I need to see her in my office?” I told Aubrey. She was standing behind the front desk with Brittni and Bobbi and three new people, training. It was pretty crowded back there.

“Of course, Doctor,” said the slight, pretty girl with the dark, pixie haircut. Aubrey had always been one of my best, most loyal employees. Quiet, serious when she needed to be. Less flighty for sure than most of the women that worked for me now. Take, for example, Brittni and Bobbi and now I guess these three new ones that I recognized from their jiggly applications; they were all looking at me and quietly giggling. Aubrey - since our front desk manager had left - was trying to get everyone trained. Piles of paperwork were everywhere.

“Okay I’ll head there right away,” I said, turning on my heel and knocking over a mound of charts from the counter.

“Don’t worry Doctor I’ll get that…” Aubrey offered, as I quickly moved away. Snickers followed in my wake.

Finding the hallway that led to my office mostly quiet, I turned a corner and -

“Oh, therrrre you are!” Melissa beamed, stopping me in my tracks. I felt my eyes go wide and my heart leap into my throat. I hadn’t really seen her since Friday and I was struck again by just how tall she was. Heels, yes, but my head came just up to her upper chest, if that. She made me feel smaller, in spades, than even the biggest of the construction workers.

She took a step towards me.

“Hey, uh….m-m-my office?” I stammered, trying to direct her but unable to keep my eyes from a quick trip up and down her unbelievable figure. The red heels, the sleek, bell-cuffed black pants, the tight, high-necked top. The hair, the eyes, and those knockers.

“Why don’t we talk here?” she returned, stepping in again closer to me.

I took a backpedal in retreat, turned my back to the wall. My eyes went wide again as she planted her right hand on the wall behind me, just above my head, between me and where I’d been heading. The door to my office was just steps away to my left, but now it might have been a mile. “o-okay, sure…” I yielded.

“So happy you finally want to say hi,” she said, with her left hand now coming up at my other side, placing itself just aside my head on the right. Now I was trapped, penned in, faced with a wall of woman. “I’ve missed youuuu…”

I swallowed dryly, suddenly assaulted with a barrage of feelings and a heady cloud of her captivating perfume. “Oh? Uh, y-yeah, haha, sorry,” I started, beginning to explain my absence, “I’ve been out of it. It’s, uh...all the construction, the noise. Kept me up last night, I’m exhausted…”

“Oh you poor thing…” she cooed, her smile turning crooked, weight shifting on her feet. Her right leg had bent, knee pushing in aggressively towards my groin. “I’m sorrrry…”

I couldn’t help but feel like I’d been captured, and she was possesively trifling with me - here, out in the open, in the hallway where anyone could see. But, from my position, I also couldn’t help but notice how her bra was just visible through her too-tight top, and that her breasts looked enormous today.

“uhhhhh….” I tried, struggling to remember what I’d wanted to talk to her about in the first place. Oh yeah.  “...and now they’re all milling around here. I saw, uh...one guy go into your office, earlier?”

“AJ? Oh...yeah, Angie’s ex,” Melissa explained, eyes narrowing, “She’s one of the new girls, a friend of mine, just broke up with him. He’s pretty upset. I invited him in for lunch...”

“Oh, uh, lunch?”

“Yes,” Melissa answered, a funny tone in her voice, “He bought a salad for me.”

Of course she’d like someone like him. He’s tall, strong, pretty good looking. He’s closer to her age...

Melissa looked down at me, regarded me, watched me thinking. “What’s wrong?” she finally asked.

“I...I don’t like him,” I too quickly answered, glancing down at the safety of my feet, speaking before thinking, “He...he looks at me funny.”

“Ohhhhhh….is that it?” She sounded amused.

I couldn’t tell her that, no, that wasn’t it, really. The sideways glances from these dudes I could handle. What I was struggling with, what I couldn’t tell her, was that he made me so fucking jealous. No way I could admit that, not to her. It would be weak, sniveling, petty and unprofessional. Plus I was married, still, and needed to hide my feelings for my new Office Manager deep deep deep. I could not let Melissa know how jealous I was.

But, when I looked up into her face, and she leaned down in to bring her face closer to mine, I could tell she saw right through me...

“Do they scare you? The big scary construction workers?” she giggled, teasing me, “Do they make you feel...unsafe? They are all so much bigger than you...” Overhead, one of the fluorescent lights flickered.

“Melissa, c’mon,” I pleaded, sounding much more pathetic than I wanted. I could tell she knew how I really felt, that it was my unreasonable jealousy that was making me upset. That fact? She loved it. But that I was denying it? For that, she wanted to torture me a bit.

“Awww did you hear that ladies?” Melissa called out, to the tall forms that had just started to appear in the hallway behind her, the voices I had begun to hear, “Dr. J here doesn’t like having all the big, noisy men in the building…”

Suddenly, two other girls appeared aside Melissa, one on each side. My eyes shot from one, redhead and statuesque in a blue top, to the other, chocolate-skinned and bosomy, dressed in green. Both were tall, taller than me, I couldn’t help but realize.

“I agree, I don’t like it either,” said the girl to Melissa’s left.

“Me neither,” said the other, “We should get rid of them…”

“Then it’d be just us…” the dark skinned girl replied.

“Dr. J,” Melissa said, in introduction, “this is Bianca…”

“Hi,” said the girl in blue, inching closer.

“...and this is Shanette.”

“Hi,” said the one in green, stepping in as well.

If I had been faced by a wall of woman before, it had now been fortified. Everywhere I looked, it was boob.

One of the overhead lights flickered again.

“We don’t like tall men, do we girls?” Melissa asked.

“Big guys? Yuckie,” followed Shanette.

“Yeah, gross,” said Bianca, her voice a natural purr, “We like our men short…”

“Helpless…”  cued Shanette, biting her plump lower lip as she looked down at me.

“...weak…” smiled Bianca.

“...needy,” Shanette finished.

By now, the three girls had me all but plastered to the wall. Melissa did nothing but smile down at me, apparently enjoying every moment of my well-deserved distress as these new girls soaked me in. Finally, though, she spoke. “See? No reason to be jealous, Doctor J-“

“I wasn’t jeal-“

“...it’s like I’ve been telling you,” she continued, speaking right over me, “It’s the thing. Girls want their men vulni these days, and you…”

“You are- rrrrrrrrrrr….” Bianca...growled?

“...you’re perfect,” Shanette giggled.

“And, no reason to be scared, sweetie,” Melissa assured me, though the current situation - I felt like I was about to be squashed into a girl sandwich - gave me more than enough to be frightened about, “You don’t have to worry about the big, mean men.”

“We’ll keep you safe,” Bianca promised, her eyes gleaming with portent, “don’t you give it another thought.”

“We’re all here to take care of you,” Shanette cooed, her expression growing softer by the moment, “it’s all we want…”

Unsure of what to say, I looked from one girl, to the other, and then back to Melissa. She merely smiled, closed her eyes to take a deep breath, and then opened them again as she spoke. “You see, sweetie? You see what kind of girls I hired for you?” she said, and leaned in to whisper down into my ear, “I did such a good job…”

Her melony breasts squashed into my neck, her voice in my ear.

“...won’t you just accept that?”

===========================

Thank you to good friend and master-of-the-craft AlexGTSArtist for his newest donations to our little story.;  these renders are fantastic. Please support him where you can.

More stuff at my Patreon

[electricjudgements]

hhh

[studentsix]

Sandbar: Told you.

Smolder: Thut up.

Sandbar: And you still did it.

Gallus: Look at me, I’m mighty dragon. Watch as I bite through this rock in one go.

Smolder: Rrrrrrrrrrr

Gallus: Little did you know that “rock” was gabbro, one of the rocks Maud gave Professor Pinkie as a present. Pretty strong, eh?

Ocellus: And now you have to visit the dentist. Who even is the dragon dentist in Ponyville>?

Silverstream: Maybe Professor Fluttershy? She looks after loads of critters, it seems like it’d be her thing!

Yona: But Dragon isn’t critter. Dragon is Dragon. Maybe Princess Ember help?

Smolder: *grumbles* All theed do ith lath at me.

Sandbar: And it’d be rightly deserved.

[teruthecreator]

black i am going to bite you

BRO. D O N T FUCKING BITE ME RRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR GRRRRRRRRR ARF ARF ARF GRRRRRRRRRRRR

[askyancy]

That ask meme thingys

I dont’s wants to spam the main thing so we’s repostin it  Here’s a link to the original  https://askyancy.tumblr.com/post/188857885461/get-to-know-me-uncomfortably-well

1. What is you middle name? Daniel 2. How old are you? 30 3. When is your birthday? June 28  - 4:15pm 4. What is your zodiac sign? Cancer 5. What is your favorite color? Blood Red 6. What’s your lucky number? 4 7. Do you have any pets? Not anymore. But I’s used to have a cat fer like 15 seconds? Her name was Flancy 8. Where are you from? Ohio! 9. How tall are you? 5′10 10. What shoe size are you? 10 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 7 buts they’s keep em locked away from me 12. What was your last dream about? I hads a nightmare.. ah.. somet’in about escapin and upsettin de guards with someone handsome..or beautiful..or both I dont remembers 13. What talents do you have? I can sing I s’poses!  14. Are you psychic in any way? Psh no 15. Favorite song? I dont wanna be free Popular - Wicked 16. Favorite movie? Robin Hood Men In Tights 17. Who would be your ideal partner? Oh  er I er- I dunno... someone... someone who gets me youse know? 18. Do you want children? I er... n-no.. I mean yeah I do’s but.. I aints a good father 19. Do you want a church wedding? I don’ts think the church woulds want someone like me in der. Nah somewhere on a beach or somet’ins 20. Are you religious? Uhm.. not reallys.. God aint done a lot fer someone like me ya know? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? A few times yeah. Lot o long stories there aheh.. maybe anoder time! 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nah course not..... not at aaaaaallls.... not once! Totally not in prison cos I broke any o dem law things...  23. Have you ever met any celebrities? I er.. not reallys?  24. Baths or showers? Shower! I could shower fer hours! aint payin no water bill so why nots! 25. What color socks are you wearing? White ones.. all we gets in here 26. Have you ever been famous? Ey er actually supposedlys I was on the tumblr fandom thingy once! That was nice! 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Me- ah ..nah.. I wouldnt wants all that. Nah.. nice quiet life in prison is fer me! 28. What type of music do you like? Musicals mostly! I er posted  lil mini playlist recently youse might be able to find it! 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Eh.. aheh... I er... yeah... ahaheh... I’ll leave that up to youses for youses imaginations~ 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 16 31. What position do you usually sleep in? Lil spoons! 32. How big is your house? I means it’s pretty big! Prison gotta house a lotta roomies youse know? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Dey serves us dry cereals or oatmeal 34. Have you ever fired a gun? Shotgun,  Franchi SPAS-12  12 gauge. 6 shots in total. 3 fatal shots. 1 miss 35. Have you ever tried archery? Nah I aint goods at no stringy thingys theys get all tangled 36. Favorite clean word? Bourgeoisie  37. Favorite swear word? The U bomb 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 6 days 39. Do you have any scars? Ah, couple on my left hand from a knife, one on my right leg from a bullet and I gots a …few more on my back but ah.. I donts like to talks about those ones. Youse understand. 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? If I knews if I had a secret Admoirer it wouldnts be a secret no mores! 41. Are you a good liar? ah no.. I got a lotta tells 42. Are you a good judge of character? terrible! But ah! I always trys to make amends youse know? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Ah a few, can do my dayds, New Joysey, Bahstan and New Yoyrk 44. Do you have a strong accent? Peoples always be tellin me I do 45. What is your favorite accent? I likes dem scottish types... ah and dat ole southern drawls good a good tingle to its! 46. What is your personality type? .... I er... I dunnos... Nice??? but like... tough guys too? Youse make that call 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? My shoeses! Dese is Itallian! 48. Can you curl your tongue? yeth 49. Are you an innie or an outie? I’m an innie! Prison life is where I lives int no outtie life fer me! 50. Left or right handed? I’s actually ambidestrous! 51. Are you scared of spiders? n...no...... why is der one near by? Youse gotta get it! 52. Favorite food? Gumbo. period. 53. Favorite foreign food? Probably one o dose indian curries! 54. Are you a clean or messy person? I likes to keep a clean cell  55. Most used phrased? Youses know? 56. Most used word? Youses 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 5-10 minutes... unless its a show day then I takes like 3 hours. Gotta look poifect  58. Do you have much of an ego? Peoples be tellin’ me lately that I’m an ego nows but I dont gets it. I aint tryna be above anyones else ya know? I’s just out here tryna be me 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I licks them ;P 60. Do you talk to yourself? Me nah... Why’s would I talk to myselfs? Not like I dont gots a whole gang to talks to. Not like I’m locked aways from them right now whiles in Solitary... Not likes I fill the silence in ‘ere with false conversations ....  61. Do you sing to yourself? Always! thoughs there aint much privacy in ‘ere so’s a lot o people get to hear it too 62. Are you a good singer? Peoples tells me so! But I’s still got a lot to works on 63. Biggest Fear? .......... Abandonment  64. Are you a gossip? What? Nah... I woulds never betray someone like that. Only cruel cold hearts sons o bitches do’s that. Oh! Dat reminds me youse should hear what I heard about Shithole Hank the other day. So gets this --- 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Chicago! Best thing! 66. Do you like long or short hair? Short hair! Slides better through the fingers! 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Wells I coulds but youse might call it cheatin but here goes https://youtu.be/MSvJ9SN8THE?t=34s 68. Favorite school subject? Theatre o course! 69. Extrovert or Introvert? I er I’m an introvert actually 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Sadlys no... Always wanted to go see one o dem coral reefs wid de fishes! 71. What makes you nervous? ....the...the Ward’n 72. Are you scared of the dark? All dese nooks n crannies deys dayrk down there I gets used to it But afraid o de Dayrk..... de Dayrk scares me... 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Only if its a common t’ing and theys not notice it on there own! 74. Are you ticklish? Yes but dont go tellin nobodys! 75. Have you ever started a rumor? Me! No! Course not! Startin’ rumors is the lowest o de low... spreadin em dough? I heards this one that Tiny once ate a guards arm.. like..de whole t’ing. I’d honestly say dat wasn’t true but... I mean.. it’s Tiny... Dey’s strong and terrifyin if youse get on their bad side! 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Me nah... I ain’ts authoritive like  77. Have you ever drank underage? No. and I don’ts endorse it eithers 78. Have you ever done drugs? No. We’s very against that at Happy Trails. We’s is about rehabilitation. 79. Who was your first real crush? Ah nice guy in my high school called Illinois buts then..everyone had a crush on him. I wonder how his adventurin craze is doin him 80. How many piercings do you have? Ah just my ears 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ rr....rrrrrlbllr... RRBLRLBLRRGRLR...... RRRRRRRRRRR there we gos 82. How fast can you type? I dunno’s how fast do I’s respond to youses akses 83. How fast can you run? Only ever got caught once! and dey cheated with bullets 84. What color is your hair? Black and dark as night babye~ 85. What color is your eyes? Brown like the muddy pools of-.... er.... chocolate? 86. What are you allergic to? Rabbits and kidney beans...and hard labor 87. Do you keep a journal? Yeah but dats fer my eyes only capiche!? 88. What do your parents do? Nothin anymore.....  Me Dayd always thoughts he was so good. always mocking me n stuff.. Thought he was all big bein a dental surgeon! And mom! Oh mom was just as bayd. Thinkin she was all better than me! Providin me with cuddles n loves and hugs n stuff tellin me to chase my dreams WELL WHOS DREAMIN NOW MA! Youse aint nursin nobody no mores! 89. Do you like your age? I dont like dat its gettin older 90. What makes you angry? Not a lotta t’ings but if youse be disrespectin mah fam’ly youse is gonna get it! 91. Do you like your own name? Yeah I likes it. had it a while now and it suits me youse know? 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? ah... Not reallys I means.. thats a joint decision youse know? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? ah... thats up to the kid to decide when they’s ready 94. What are you strengths? I’s a good team member me thinks? 95. What are your weaknesses? I er... I gots a lot o’ flaws... 96. How did you get your name? ah wells it started with the nickname fancy pants and den dey took the first letter of my old name, a dead name i donts use it no mores, and it became Yancy Pants and den got shortened ta just Yancy 97. Were your ancestors royalty? Mine? psh.. nah! youse kiddin? For all I knows my ancestor was a pirate or somet’in 98. Do you have any scars? I gots -wait... I answered dis one already! 99. Color of your bedspread? Dark blue with some nice white sheets! 100. Color of your room? Grey... like every other wall in dis place