#BIL also did a beautiful job painting it

[lindira]

My husband got me the most thoughtful gift of a big mini (maxi?) that's meant to be of my BG3 character, Envy. But, being blind, he didn't know that the artist who printed and painted it (his step-brother) got the coloring all wrong. Hubs sent my brother-in-law reference pictures, and BIL is sighted so I don't know how he might've gotten it wrong. 🤷🏻‍♀️

At any rate, I love it regardless. Look at the details! The shading! The horns and tail! I had been talking about how I wanted to commission art of Envy a couple months ago, and my husband listened. And he really tried his best to get it right, and to personalize it for me. He is genuinely the best. 💙

Honestly, I could actually work the color change into Envy’s eventual story. I was already thinking that Envy would eventually be reincarnated as another tiefling, this time a violin-playing Divine-Soul Sorcerer of Oghma. This new incarnation’s name is Taryn Fell. I originally imagined him as blue like Envy, but having a whole new color scheme works too!

Anyway, I’m very happy with my belated birthday present. I got some spherical dice from my husband too, so I’m a nicely spoiled nerd. 😁

[bomberqueen17]

farm life

I made it to the farm-- drove from Rochester after a pleasant morning in which Boy decided to resume my earlier war against the invasive garlic mustard on the creek bank. He was pretty accurate, and had decent success at getting the roots. It was cute.

Arrived midafternoon, just as Farmkid was about to finish her daily ration of TV. Sister showed me some of their new stuff-- the beautiful glass-fronted fridge in the farmstand, she admitted, was largely because she couldn’t forsee how else to sell flowers this year if the market didn’t happen. So she’s got bouquets in there, and they’ve made like a hundred bucks a week from sales out of that fridge, so they ought to have it paying for itself by midsummer, though people’s excitement to shop straight from farms has died down.

“People were afraid of grocery stores,” she explained. “They’re not now.” Not that anything’s different. Still-- “It actually means we’re wasting less produce; it used to be more effective for us to leave some of the extra stuff to rot, but after pickup on Wednesday, I went out Thursday and gleaned our own field for what hadn’t been needed for the CSA, and that’s in the fridge now, and a bunch of it will get sold and maybe we’ll donate the rest to the food pantry. Wasn’t worth the labor, before, to harvest, and it’s not exactly a waste to let it compost in place, but.” She shrugged. They’d harvest extra stuff for themselves in the past, and it wasn’t much, but. 

They’d had produce in the fridge from some neighbors (”the Tarbox kids”, she called them, some twentysomething scions of an old farm family up the road) who produced for farmer’s markets that had been shut down. They’re going to keep that possibility open.

I also noticed that on the shelf in the farmstand they were selling Pocket Buddies, rocks Willa had painted, for fifty cents each. That was clearly Willa’s idea.

They’ve semi-accidentally increased chicken production. “Well, there’s a batch out there that’s twice the normal size,” Sister commented. “We sort of didn’t realize-- after our first batch sold out, we asked the hatchery if we could increase future orders by ten percent, and we hadn’t realized that this next batch to arrive had 75 extra chicks in it already for another farm that had intended to cancel their sub-order from us, and then we also had a few extra for another friend who wound up not wanting them......... anyway the group that just went out on pasture has uhhh twice the usual number in it, so.” We calculated out which date those are getting processed on and I mentally committed to being here for it.

The group we’re doing this Tuesday is also oversized; there’s a contingent of 75 heritage-hybrid chicks in it which were started with the first batch they processed two weeks ago, but the Freedom Ranger hybrids need two more weeks to finish than the gross Cornish Cross blob-chickens, so those extra 75 birds are out in a corner of the pasture looking-- fantastic, actually, they’re much more beautiful birds than the CCs.

(Vegetable Manager took me on a little tour of the farm while we gave the dog a walk after dinner [since Sister and BIL were occupied with a vet visit to get the newest boar piglets castrated], and filled me in on what’s going on in his department. He’s increased the picking garden by about 50% and is preparing soil for a huge perennial add-on next year, and roughly sketched out three or four more years of plans-- terraces, landscaping the creek right there, more fruit stuff-- he’s so interesting. Then he did the dishes, because he’d just been fed dinner spontaneously and in past years has been the one who has to deal with castrating the piglets because he was the only one with the skill-set from an earlier job, and he hates dealing with pigs.)

Farmkid is enormous-- she’s grown three inches over the past year, and now outweighs her best friend, who is slightly older, by about ten pounds. They’ve been telling everyone they’re half-sisters, which since everyone knows their moms and everyone knows my BIL, sort of erases her bestie’s dad, but he seems not to mind. Also, though, they’re six, so nobody really listens to them too much? Still, it’s funny and sort of weird.

Farmkid apparently wrote a 30-page book on the computer yesterday so I’ll have to check that out. I also need to practice her handwriting with her.

OK people are awake, I gotta go be a people. 

[emmettspeakz]

Strike headcanons

Compiled by me and @g-ay-gatsby <3

Bisexuals: Dangerously adorable

Richie: you right, you right

Eddie: hell yeah he’s dangerous adorable

Eddie: but, well, mostly he’s just adorable and he thinks he’s dangerous

Stan: who are we talking about? Bill? Mike?

Richie: no you other boyfriend

Stan: Eddie?

Eddie, Bill, Mike: *blushing*

Richie: ….

Stan just being like “I love my boyfriend!!

Eddie, Mike, Bill, Richie at once: Which one?

Stan: *A HUGE BLUSHING MESS*

Eddie and Richie are making out on one side of the couch, Mike and Bill are making out on the other side and Stan is just sitting in the middle BEAMING with HAPPINESS because his boyfriends are so good and he appreciates them so much but also is fine with not making out with them most of the time just being there is good

-Stan is just holding Bil and Richie’s hands in the middle and sighing contentedly 

Richie: did you want a turn at some point stan?

Stan: nah it’s okay I just wanna hold your hand for now

Richie: alright stan lemme know how you’re doing *returns to eddie*

Stan and Richie cuddles with Edie next to Richie at the end o the couch, Mike at the other end of the couch and Bil has his head resting on Stan’s lap and Stan is just BEAMING and blushing so hard cuz he’s soo happy

Richie totally calls him stan the man at the worst possible time and he rolls his eyes/blushes so the other 3 do it as well

Easily embarrassed!Stanley Uris; he’s embarrassed no matter what they call hiM

Protective!Bill Denbrough is canon

Stan decides to try to join in a bit and is kissing bill or something and richie walks in and goes “stan the man! Feeling brave today” but not in a mean way he knows it’s okay and respects stan’s boundaries and stan just gapes at him with his mouth wide open

Bill: Shut up richie

Overusing pet names for stan

Richie: don’t be a ucking pussy stan!

Bill: BEEP BEEP RICHIE!!!

Richie: I was just jok--

Bill: DID I FUCKING STUTTER?!

All of them are so respectful of his sexuality and take it easy and slow with him and never push him. Richie is the one who always talks him through everything and explains stuff to him. But bill is the one that gets SO ANGRY if anyone says SHIT about his beautiful ace boyfriend

Richie teases him but only in a soft, richie way where stan knows it’s light hearted and all in good fun

Mike is more quiet about it. Never initiates anything with stan cause he’s scared to do something wrong

Mike is super protective of Bill though, especially about his stutter

Stan and mike just at the library casually holding hands and reading books cuz stan is too shy to ask him to kiss or do anything remotely sexual

Asexual spectrum! Mike Hanlon - demisexual? Shy!Mike

Mike is comfortable with Bill and they’ve figured out what works for both of them, for the other 3 he’s more...not scared just less confident in what he should be doing

Mike i could see as being someone else along with Stan maybe even Bill if he has needs to be more sexual. But he assures stan that he’s enough and is pure and loving

Bill reassures Mike that he’s safe with all 4 o them no matter what and he talks him through what to do

Reddie is just going at it, as they do, stan is smiling, watching, loving life. Bill joins in and they’re used to mike sorta being nervous and bill just whispering something in his ear and mike turns red but agrees cause he trusts bill

Mike isn’t as comfortable with himself around Richie and Eddie. Might be a bit more distant from them cuz they’re always connected at the hips so it takes time for him to loosen up

Bill being secretly kinky with mike

Bill and mike go off to be sexual and stan is just like “what do i do now?” and richie and eddie cuddle him and watch a movie until he falls asleep

Since mike is so safe with bill he tries new things sometimes and explores his comfort zone but that’s ONLY WITH BILL, with the rest of them he stays with what he knows is okay

Mike doesn’t like that the others know they’re specifically leaving to be sexual so he asks bill to make an excuse every time and it gets more and more ridiculous - but mike asks him to do it every time even though he knows that they know what’s goin on and he knows that he won’t be judged

-“We’re gonna go watch paint dry”

“We’re off to destroy the patriarchy!”

Richie: destroy the patriarchy...alone in your bedroom?

Eddie slaps him

Stan is still just beaming

Mike: yeah, toxic masculinity and all that. Come ON Bill and he makes *that* face

Bill’s just like “s-sorry stan” and Stan acts like he’s okay but he’s clearly feeling insecure and Eddie and Richie cuddle him on either side and make him feel happy again

Stan is often super uncomfortable with it but every once in a while he’ll talk to eddie about stuff. Cause he knows eddie is co comfortable with sex and stuff, and he won’t joke around like richie. So he just asks him specific questions about things without being judged and then eddie hugs him so hard 

*richie walks in and sees them hugging* hey, why wasn’t I invited?

Eddie and stan are best friends and boyfriends like they could easily come off as just friends to other people except eddie will hold his hand in public and be super lowkey flirty

Eddie: it’s eds’ turn rich

Stan: quit interrupting tozier

Mike and stan being super jokingly sexual cause they know neither person is really interested in being sexual with the other

Mike only wants to have sex with bill and stan just wants to be soft and hold hands so they overdo it 

“Wanna go strip off out clothes off and go skinny dipping?”

“Pfft as if!”

Mike would be more shy but stan would totally start picking up on sexual jokes from spending too much time with richie

Stan being super uncomfy with naked boys’ bodies at first like having a pool party and them being shirtless he’s like “what do i do”

And one day he makes a super inappropriate joke in front of bev and she’s like ….what?

STAN never gets over seeing his boyfriend change and stuff, like eds changes his shirt in front of him and he just blushes

Ben is like “when did you turn into richie?”

Richie: *pretending to wipe away a tear* i taught him everything he knows

Eddie: that’s not something to brag about trashmouth

Richie takes of his shirt and he’s just like “want a taste?” and stan just goes “i’m not even gonna attempt to beep you. You know what you did.”

Eddie teaches stan about sexual things, bill teaches him about finding a comfort zone and richie fully just gives him lessons and talking dirty

“So stan when you flirt with a girl--”

“I’m gay.”

“Right”

“In case you forgot you’re also gay”

“Oh shit, is that why i have four boyfriends?”

“You’re beautiful mike. You know who else is beautiful?”

“Who?”

Stan: “literally all of you. Fuck all of you for being pretty.”

Richie: i didn’t think you were into that

Bill: shut up richie

Stan is attracted to all of them but mostly romantically. So one day reddie are just being so damn cute and telling each other how much they love each other and how attractive the other is and what they wanna do to each other

Eddie: gosh your lips are beautiful richie i just wanna--

Stan: but you know what’s more important? You have a BEAUTIFUL PERSONALITY

Richie: yeah that’s great thanks stan but can we get back to what we’re gonna do with our lips?

They’re planning the next time they’re all gonna meet up and stan, being an ace stereotype occasionally offers to bring snacks

Richie is like  “I NEED ALL THE SHOTS”

Mike’s like: oh fuck yeah stan brings the best snacks

Stan to richie: you strip when you drink please don’t

Richie snorts

Eddie: *under his breath* please do

 mike is like “NO I LITERALLY MEAN SNACKS. I JUST WANT PRETZELS.”

Stan: i’m just gonna go get some snacks. Y’al fucking behave

Mike: i’ll help

-JUST GIVE MIKE HANLON HIS PRETZELS 2K19

-Bill: i guess i’ll help too (* is so attached to his baby*)

-And, oh shit, they left reddie alone again

-They come back and reddie are making out on the couch, of course

-Stan is holding both Bill and Mike’s hands so it’s hard for them to bring the snacks but stan doesn’t want them to let go

-Bill is organizing, richie is in charge of alcohol, mike and stan bring snacks, and eds is responsible and brings protection 

Stan has to be holding someone’s hand at all times, otherwise he gets all nervous

Richie: a condom? What’s this for?

Eddie: so you don’t--

Stan: So i don’t get tozier diseases

-Richie has cooties

Richie slicks his hair back, fingers guns out* you already got em baby

Stan is holding richie’s hand while richie and eddie are about to have sex and richie just goes, “hey uh stan do you think you could hold bill’s hand for a bit?”

“Sure, why?”

“I think i’m gonna need both hands for this”

*eddie giggling*

Stan: BEEP BEEP RICHIE

Mike and Bill: we were about to ask you the same thing

Stan: *not having it* Y’all need to leave

Stan can go hold ben’s hand cause he doesn’t stand for any toxic masculinity around here

Bev is like “you can hold my hand” and ben’s like “hey that’s my job”

They joke about ben being the only one they haven’t taken and ben jokes along with them and bev rolls her eyes

“Why don’t you join them already?”

Bev doesn’t care if they joke cuz she just KNOWS ben loves her and ONLY HER

So there’s just moans being heard from all over upstairs and stan just goes “so how’s life you guys?” to ben and beverly

Stan is super red but they don’t point it out

Bill and stan makeout sessions are the ultimate soft fest - Those are the only times stan moans cuz he’s enjoying stuff

Stan and Richie have a neck THING

Richie thinks stan’s moans are the cutest thing and has to hide his arousal coming into the room with bill making out with him

Bill: “Do you mind tozier?”

R: nope not one bit

B: get the fuck out richie

Richie just goes and kisses stan on the forehead

R: have fun you too *leaves*

Stan is at work and bill brings him lunch or something and kisses him on the cheek and stan is blushing like crazy of course and this happens a lot but also eddie comes by sometimes just to check in on him and in general he gets visits from his boyfriends and all of stan’s co-workers are getting confused

Make is panromantic? But homosexual

Co-worker A: omg stans boyfriend is so hot

Co-worker B: yeah i love his curly hair

Co-worker A: *meant bill and is so confused*

“Yeah i just met richie, he’s pretty funny.”

“I thought his name was Eddie.”

Bev drops stan off at work and kisses his forehead and just says something like “have a good day honey” cause she’s ultimate mon friend and everyone is just like?

Each co-worker only meets one boyfriend like the one who meets richie only knows richie, etc. 

“Stan, you straight now?”

“Ew, no, what would give you that idea?”

*co-worker gestures vaguely towards Beverly*

Co-workers somehow manage to always be in the room with the same boyfriend

AND THEN ONE DAY AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY

Mike and Bill are holding hands talking to someone and she’s like, 

“Do one of you work here?” and at the same time they say

“Yeah my boyfriend does”

“Oh?”

Richie and eddie get there last

Random co-worker: there really seems to be a lot of gay couples here?

Stan: No just us I think *not realizing it looks like two separate couples plus stan*

Someone’s like: hey stan where’s your boyfriend?

Stan: they’re almost here I think

Then everyone assumes he has one boyfriend who uses they/them pronouns

Richie, Eddie, Bill, and Mike all basically line up and kiss Stan and every co-worker is thrown for a loop

One co-worker who always saw stan with eddie at work, then at the party they see stan holding mike’s hand and later they’re like “oh stan i’m so sorry to see you broke up with eddie!” and stan gets really worries that they heard eddie say something

He’s completely oblivious to the fact that not everyone is in a polyamorous relationship with four men, like he has no idea that anyone would be surprised by it

Stan is like “are we okay?” to eddie who’s like “yeah babe what’s wrong?” and consoles him

One co-worker who is down with everything, who is stan’s advisor just shakes his head and goes, “stan you’re a lucky man” and stan’s face turns TOMATO red

Jealous co-worker is just like “you have four men but I can’t even get one?? wtf??”

Stan: sucks to be you i guess

Richie: *pretending to tear up* i taught him how to do that. That’s my sassy boyfriend!!

Bill is hugging stan from behind and eddie is holding mike’s hand while richie is off being hilarious and making people fall in love with him by accident and then out of nowhere richie yells “SWITCH SHIFTS” and they very naturally switch to stan cuddling with richie, mike and bill being soft and cute and eddie is checking the food and pointing out what’s unsanitary to the poor people who happen to be at the food table

LIKE THEY’RE EMPLOYEES

[tillthenexttimedoctor]

Identity, Agency and the Story of Bill Potts

In her first lines on the show, Bill Potts recounts her encountering a crush of hers. Charmingly, she narrates her life. Even as she tries to get around answering the question on her lecture attendance, she’s calling us to get to know her. Her version of subterfuge is presenting an anecdote that includes her job, her love life and a brief ramble about personal philosophies, before she has to admit that none of this relates to the issue at hand. Her face and hands take us on a journey, expressive, alive.

Bill sees the world with open eyes and feels with an open heart. Like so many of the Moffat era companions, she is full of stories. Full of anecdotes, of small, shy reveals, of movie recommendations, of other people’s histories, of tiny facts and complex explanations. Her logic, too, can be seen as fundamentally story-based. Genre-savvy as she is, Bill thinks in the leaps and bounds of sci fi tales - from lizards in brains and mind wipes to jumping straight to the TARDIS-induced telepathy as an explanation for the translation she is witnessing.

It’s not that her life resembles a fairy tale or that she aspires to be its heroine. Her universe is what is is. It can be unkind, unyielding. But Bill is also willing to see a world that is stranger and more wonderful than you can imagine. She can take joy in simple things, like recognising the familiar smell of rosemary in a garden far, far away. And when given the opportunity, she is eager to experience life, eager to learn, eager to allow things in. With Bill , asking questions turns into more than a narrative tool. Instead, it becomes a beautiful building block of her characterisation. “Most people when they don't understand something, they frown. You smile.”

 Bill has a a remarkable talent for physics, unbelievably high essay grades included, and proves that she has a keen observational eye. In addition, she is quick to empathise with other people and to unravel their stories. Where others might only have seen Heather’s prickly exterior, her aloofness, her rudeness, Bill glimpses the sadness underneath. And even more surprisingly, she seeks it out, she tries for a sense of connection based on it. From just tiny fragments of conversation, she comes to understand the central problem of Heather’s existence - not an isolated instance for her.

We follow Bill’s journey of figuring out who the Doctor is, pondering police boxes and helplines. And struggles with the darker parts of him, the parts that are steeped in death, until the narrative fits. Eventually, she sees right through him. (”No time for outrage. You've never had time for anything else, right?”) Where the Doctor’s logic fails, Bill’s human perspective can offer missing puzzle pieces. It is she who realises the truth about the Landlord and explains that entering the portal is Kar’s and the remaining Ninth Legion’s destiny, not the Doctor’s.

 Even more importantly, Bill carries forward a strong sense of the details of her own identity. It’s in the way she dresses, in the bright clothes, stylish but always with a sense of originality, it’s in earrings and the bow in her hair. It’s the rainbow on her jacket. It’s the chips patch on her t-shirt. It’s being a black woman with an afro. It’s coming out to her house mate and Roman soldiers when they show interest in her. It’s coming out to her professor seconds into their first conversation, just because.

Finally, it’s filling the gaps of her past and present. Her mum in particular is a repeated feature of her imagination. Bill fantasises about conversations never had, wisdom that was never bestowed upon her (”My mum always said ‘with some people you can smell the wind in their clothes.’”). She proudly presents her new room to her, calls out to her when death seems all too near. Finally, Bill defeats the Monks with the uncorrupted image of her mother, a pure, personal myth to replace the twisted one that laid claim upon Earth.

When push comes to shove, this is what it comes down to, a first echo through time of the events which wait for her in the finale. She reveals the strength of her trust, the power of her dedication, that dooms her world as surely as she believes it can be saved. And counters it with a fortress around herself that is powerful enough to withstand the onslaught of any force. She narrates her own story, until it breaks through the violence and the lies. Hope and love and her identity prevail, even where it is impossible.

Nonetheless, there appears to be a notable void in the larger picture of Bill Potts. While who she is often gets painted in vibrant colours, the question of who she wants to be lingers on, unanswered. She does not flee from a future that scares her, she does not aspire to become a heroine. Instead, it fells like Bill has never  quite dared to tell a story about her own future, about what she wants to do, about who she wishes to be. “I always wanted to come here,” is a backstory detail, not a plan, not a fantasy. “Let me have some good dreams for once”, she begs the Doctor.

 Bill is someone who takes chances. The Pilot, in particular, is a story of unlikely, quiet bravery. After a brief moment of hesitation, Bill throws herself into being taught everything from poetry to physics, writing brilliant essay after brilliant essay. She follows the Doctor and Nardole, when they suspiciously sneak off into a cellar. She approaches Heather on a park bench and offers empathy instead of being rebuked by her prickly demeanour. Instead of the Doctor convincing the companion to travel with him, it is Bill who meaningfully glances at the police box in the corner and makes the Doctor reconsider.

And yet, Bill knows life can be painful. She even assumes it. The way Moira does not make an effort to truly see her - or even just acknowledge a sexual orientation Bill does not appear to make a secret of - never makes her react with more than mild exasperation. Bill shrugs off not getting Christmas presents. Even if she does not expect reciprocation, she treats the people around her with kindness and generosity. Small moments of vulnerability are when Bill seems the most real, whether its her sudden withdrawal from the conversation when the Doctor retorts “to serve chips” or the fleeting look on her face when the Doctor comments on her small amount of worldly possessions.

If Bill is not as confrontational as many other companions, it is largely because when it comes to herself, she rarely fights as much as she deserves to be fought for. She begs to keep her memories but still seems resigned to the inevitable. Bill interrogates the Doctor the subject matter of death, but it is only after he follows her, after he invites her to voice her anger. The conversation might revolve around morality, but it feels very personal. The Doctor might accuse Bill of having a temper, but her outburst as as much a sign of trust as it is one of the strong emotions she carries within.

 The events of World Enough and Time are designed to challenge every foundation of Bil’s character. Being shot and separated from her friends, spending years essentially locked in a dubious hospital after a dubious operation, would have been enough to shatter most people’s confidence, even with the Doctor’s voice whispering an instruction into her ear. Instead, she drinks the awful tea and cleans the floors, opens the occasional window and makes do. She has the patience, faith and resilience enough to wait.

Only when being reunited with the Doctor seems in arm’s reach do her question become more and more insistent, until the Master leads her into his trap. The result is even more brutal than what followed before - and it’s understandable that some might find it unnecessarily so - but what follows is all the more meaningful for it. The world would have always demanded of Bill to be someone else, as a lesbian, as a black woman. Here, it comes the closest it has ever come to succeeding. And fails, yet again.

Continuing to show Bill’s face in lieu of the mask Cyberman reinforces that point, over and over again. It is often said that the companion is the person through whose eyes we experience the events of the show, but that rarely has been as true as here. We observe Bill as she views herself, her eyes, her hands, her tears. She is keeping Cyberman conversion at bay, blocking out the terrifying things that happened to her. She asserts who she is with every second she is shown on screen, every frame. "A castle made of you, and you are standing on the battlements, saying no. No, not me.”

 Bill’s agency has been stripped from her bones, transformed, replaced. Even if her mind stood remained a fortress, standing strong inmidst of a war, there is little else that would encroach on her freedom to act, to be, in a similarly violent manner. In respose, the story does not merely return her ageny to her. Instead she is gifted with a future of infinite, supernatural potential. “It’s all just atoms, you can rearrange them any way you like,” Heather says.

This works, because we know Bill Potts. Where another person might stumble, untethered by earth and air, there’s no part of Bill that calls the innocence of such an offer into question. Slowly, she has stepped into a fairytale. She told her story to a ghost until it she filled it with enough life to save the world. She lost her heart and exchanged it for one made of tin. She cried tears woven from magic. But even as, to paraphrase Peter Capaldi, Bill’s heart reached the stars, she had her feet on the ground. Every line of her story is there because of who is she.

The woman who did not want to live unless she could be herself can also remain fundamentally true to herself, as she steps out into the starlight. This time, it is with a sense of direction. This time, she can be her own guide on her journey. “I've been through a lot since the last time we met, so I'll show you around.” And back in time for tea. How’s that for a good dream?

[brajeshupadhyay]

Family regroups after vandalism hits Santa Monica restaurant

The activity inside the Santa Monica location of Sunnin felt urgent on late Monday morning. Community volunteers, in their protective masks, had spread out through the restaurant’s dining room: They picked up shards of broken planters and swept spilled soil, righted turned-over furniture and stacked it against the wall, scrubbed sky-blue paint from toppled cans off the concrete floor. Several of them worked to nail plywood over the shattered window where pillagers had entered the day before.

In Sunnin’s kitchen, Nicole Chammaa packed food furiously with her family and employees, carefully stacking rolled grape leaves in containers and tumbling sliced tomatoes and shredded lettuce into huge plastic bins. Two upright shawarma rotisseries sat still and empty.

Chammaa came out from behind the kitchen line to take in the scene. “This was my life, my baby,” she said, shaking her head.

Sunnin was among the businesses vandalized in Santa Monica on Sunday, after largely peaceful protests turned chaotic with break-ins and destruction. Chammaa’s restaurant stands 2½ blocks from Sake House, a sushi bar on the corner of 4th Street and Santa Monica Boulevard that was set on fire. On Monday business owners of all kinds were securing boards to their storefronts, hurrying to meet a 1 p.m. curfew in anticipation of another round of protests. (On Monday night demonstrations mostly ended up migrating to Hollywood; ransacking occurred in Van Nuys.)

Nicole Chammaa, owner of Sunnin Lebanese Cuisine, shows where the front window of her Santa Monica restaurant was broken on May 31. A laptop, four iPads, two cash registers filled with money and a bicycle were stolen.

(Genaro Molina / Los Angeles Times)

Like many restaurateurs, Chammaa and her family — she is one of five siblings who, with their mother Fayeza, own the original location of Sunnin in Westwood — say they stand in solidarity with protests over the killing of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer, acknowledging the systemic racism that endangers black lives.

“I’m not a white American,” said Nicole’s brother, George Chammaa. “I don’t have blond hair and blue eyes — but I’m not black, I can’t know what it’s like to be targeted like that.”

Still, the violence that wrecked the Santa Monica restaurant this week stirred memories of their childhood in Lebanon. “I grew up during the civil war,” Nicole said. The conflict lasted from 1975 to 1990. “I came here when the war ended. Now I’m witnessing a different kind of war.”

Her father was employed by the Port of Lebanon when the fighting began; when he lost his job her mother mastered cooking large stews — dishes like fassuliah bil lahme (lima beans with meat) or loubieh bil zeit (green beans in olive oil with tomatoes) — that could feed her family for several days.

After moving to the United States, Fayeza channeled her expertise to open the Westwood Sunnin in 1996. It’s become a Los Angeles institution for falafel, hummus and shawarma, and also specials like koussa (summer squash stuffed with ground beef and rice and simmered in tomato sauce) and kibbeh maklieh (crisp beef and bulgur croquettes in yogurt sauce).

Nicole spun off the Santa Monica location 4 1/2 years ago, in part to create a second restaurant as another income stream for younger generations of her family. Lunch was her big business. Dinner could lag, so she was in the process of renovating the interior, to make it bolder in color and richer in textures — an inviting environment similar to the Westwood location.

“Then this happened,” she said.

“This” began with the COVID-19 shutdown in mid-March. Nicole had closed the Santa Monica location for the first couple months and had only begun serving takeout, setting up a table in front of the door to place orders for contactless pickup. Even with permission to reopen last week, she wasn’t yet feeling ready to have customers in the dining room.

The Westwood location has offered takeout since the shutdown’s inception. Business had dropped 65% at the beginning, George said, but has grown busier, particularly on the weekends; he estimated the restaurant was currently bringing in 45% less revenue than usual. On Monday afternoon he studied table diagrams, part of the protocol materials for reopening that he’d received from the County of Los Angeles Department of Public Health. “I’ll be able to fill the restaurant to 60% capacity if I’m lucky,” George said.

The night before, he’d boarded up the windows in Westwood out of an abundance of precaution. There were no protests planned in the area — no other businesses nearby had covered their windows — but life had taught the Chammaa family to anticipate calamity. “The Westwood restaurant employs a lot of people; the payroll feeds a lot of mouths.” Nicole said.

Nicole Chammaa kisses her niece Leila Chammaa, who helped her clean her vandalized restaurant in Santa Monica.

(Genaro Molina / Los Angeles Times)

It was 1 p.m. now on Monday. A police car rolled by the Santa Monica restaurant; a voice announced the curfew over a tinny speaker and urged people off the street. All the food from the kitchen had been relocated to Westwood. Fouad Georges, a Lebanese designer who’d been working on the interior renovation, helped carry out a Turkish chandelier that had been spared.

Nicole didn’t know what was next. Her rent, she said, was more than $26,000 a month. She was attempting renegotiations with her landlord.

“I struggled here. I did good,” she said. “Maybe this is a sign for me. Maybe I need to let it go.”

Georges stood by her side. “We will make it more beautiful than ever next time,” he said.

Nicole kept her eyes on the floor. She didn’t respond.

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