#BEEFSLAB

[vintageslideshow]

Was browsing eBay and giggled over the typo... he’s a shiftless older gay male. I think they meant shirtless. And surprisingly buff.

[farsight-the-char]

SUPERMAN: THE WARWORLD SAGA

Written by PHILLIP KENNEDY JOHNSON and SI SPURRIER

Art by RICCARDO FEDERICI, DANIEL SAMPERE, WILL CONRAD, SCOTT GODLEWSKI, MIKEL JANIN, and others

Cover by RICCARDO FEDERICI

$59.99 US | 712 pages | Softcover | 6 5/8″ x 10 3/16″ | ISBN: 978-1-77952-388-4

ON SALE 11/14/23

After learning of an enslaved race with mysterious ties to Krypton, Superman and the Authority leave Earth and travel across the galaxy to liberate Warworld. Think it’s that simple? Think again.

With Superman captured on Warworld, he’ll need to team up with other enslaved gladiators to turn the hordes of Warworld against their captors. As the Warworld Saga reaches a breaking point, battle lines are drawn between the two towering forces at odds: Mongul and Superman. Which heroes will survive the conflict, and what will be the fate of the citizens of Warworld?

This volume collects the full Warworld Saga: Action Comics #1030-1046, Action Comics 2021 Annual, Action Comics 2022 Annual, Batman/Superman: Authority Special #1, Future State: Superman: House of El #1, Future State: Superman: Worlds of War #1-2, and Superman: Warworld Apocalypse #1!

[bace-jeleren]

The polls are in. The Wanderer, although Gideon got a surge of votes closer to the end, still crushed her poll. Grist had an incredibly close race, but barely scratched ahead of Serra at the last moment to win the poll. Kaito, it seems, has fallen to the might of the pirate minotaur dilf.

Truly a bloodbath full of twists, looking forward to Sunday when we get to do this all again!

[xantchaslegacy]

@kas-fen ;)

Drowning in only 3 inches of water all by yourself handsome?

[incorrect-mtg]

"If you think you're such a voice of reason," Liliana said, a confident smirk on her face "then let's make a deal Beefslab."

She pointed at a finger at him.

"You'll be the angel on my shoulder," she said, then pointed at herself and continued, still smiling "and I'll be the devil on yours."

[farsight-the-char]

This show was in development hell so long the character that was supposed to star (Gideon) was killed off years ago.

[bace-jeleren]

I like the implications of Tyvar going and visiting Strixhaven with Zimone, because just imagine you're Liliana Vess, finally over all your baggage about Gideon, when Beefslab 2.0 shows up.

[abzanascendancy]

In Today’s Magic Story...

Return to Dominaria: Episode 1

Oh it’s so good to be back! Yes, I have returned, for we once again have Magic Story! Let’s jump right in!

Okay, a bit bland on the title name, but we mustn’t judge a book by its cover.

WAIT HOLD THE PHONE HOLY SH*T YOU’RE TELLING ME WE GET AN ACTUAL F*ING MAP???

WE GET A MAP OF THE ENTIRE PLANE!!! YES!!! THANK YOU WIZARDS!!!

And folks, we’re just getting started!

i

So... not even a capital “I”?  Just “i”? This is your child, your creation! Give ‘em names!

I think this is the story preview everyone was talking about. Good to know I didn’t miss anything!

The Cabal is alive and well. Then again, it is the Cabal, so probably undead and well.

Scion of Darkness? I have that card!

Good to know that the Cabal is still naming their members after random bits of tat. Braids, Chainer, and now Needle. Jolly good!

Wait, Dakkon Blackblade killed an Elder Dragon? Is he still alive???

So if you’re wondering which Elder Dragon Dakkon killed, it was Piru. Not represented on a card, she was Chromium’s life partner.

Belzenlok is rewriting history to better serve their narrative? I’m hating this guy already. Also, politics!

Wait, Needle dies as their reward? #JustCultThings I guess...

ii

Name your chapters, or at least capitalize them.

Jhoira? Is this the Weatherlight? METAL GEAR???

Ooh, it’s a submarine! Also, Jhoira is a mechanical artist, blending form and function flawlessly.

Now this being Dominaria, this could be any artifact, though for story reasons I’m assuming it’ll be the Weatherlight. Maybe the Predator.

Merfolk! With tails! I was hoping for a homarid, but hey I’ll always love a good merfolk!

Jhoira managed to rig up a speaking tube from the outside of the ship to the inside.

Saltweed is apparently a thing, but I can’t find any singular definition of what it is. Until I do, I guess #BlazeIt?

Good to know Jhoira is supporting the local businesses.

IT’S THE WEATHERLIGHT!!!

iii

I really hope this doesn’t become an ongoing thing, because I’m gonna get pretty tired of these lowercase letters as chapter titles.

And yes, if it is a thing, I’m gonna start each and every one of these pieces with a detracting statement about it. Petty, but nonetheless important.

Gideon I mean Beefslab!

You know Liliana led them to this place because the plants are rotting and it’s dank. I wonder if this is/was her home...

Gideon noticed the hole in his shoulder second. Dude is, as ever, a tactician, surveying the battlefield first and then OH SH*T MY SHOULDER.

"That did not go according to plan." -- Gideon, Understatement of the Year

I’m going to go with Nicol Bolas slapping Gideon around like a child’s toy that didn’t go according to plan. Someone needs to animate it to Hollaback Girl’s beat.

Jace is on Useless Island right about now. Remember, this takes place at the same time as Ixalan.

"Perhaps he was delayed." -- Liliana, Understatement of the Year Nominee.

Wow, negative Nissa. Then again, she connected to what’s left of the echo of Amonkhet’s soul, so she gets a pass.

"Ajani was right. We never should have gone there." -- Chandra, winner of the 2018 ‘No Shit Sherlock’ Award.

Liliana is right: Razaketh is dead. She knows, ‘cause she ATE HIM

"Your precious Ajani suggested we meet here," Liliana said, sounding aggrieved.

“Though now that you mention it, my fourth demon is hanging around here somewhere...”

Oof. Chandra ain’t got time for no bullshit. She knows exactly what Liliana’s game is. Saw that demon thing coming a mile away.

Liliana’s silver tongue has finally fallen flat. She can’t talk her way out of this one.

Oh yes! Use the Chain Veil, Liliana! I’m sure Raven Man would love that! What could possibly go wrong???

And remember, this is the artifact Nissa was reviled by when she saw it on Liliana’s person back on Innistrad! Bringing it up to her is not a good idea.

Gatewatch: Civil War

I think this is the first time we’ve really seen Liliana desperate. She’s played all her cards, she’s doing all the moves but in the wrong context... this has really hit her hard...

Oh shit. Nissa just left the Gatewatch. That just happened.

First, notice the obscene amount of Ravens in that artwork.

Second, YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BECOME GRUULFRIENDS WITH CHANDRA, NOT LEAVE HER!

CHANDRA GO AFTER YO GIRLFRIEND

Oh really Liliana? You didn’t fail because you were too weak? Tell me, why did you fail? Was it because your opponent was stronger? As in, X > Y? Well that also means Y < X. In other words, YOU WERE TOO WEAK.

Heck you just said so yourself previously! You weren’t able to use your full power!

It’s the Liliana and Gideon buddy cop movie we all wanted! Hooray!

"The list of things you don't know could fill all the archives on Dominaria," Liliana snapped.

-leans in- Oh do tell.

Perhaps he no longer wanted anything to do with her . . . That thought disturbed her more than she wanted to admit.

You didn’t see that coming? Really?

Oh I sincerely hope Liliana tries to talk Jace around, just so he can say “B*tch, please” and walk walk away while Chandra’s in the background yelling “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

To be fair, if he dies, he’s still a zombie.

Vess is the name of the town? Huh, how ‘bout that. So would her name be Liliana von Vess? Please tell me it is.

Liliana still hates angels.

Ah, so those things in the background are Thran ruins!

Okay I really like what they did with all the ruins in the background. I sincerely do. On a less serious note, I haven’t noticed them in any of the decades you’ve been gone, Liliana :P

Gideon is still trying to take advantage of that Rustic Hospitality feature, I see.

Yeah, with all that bulk he’s got, Gideon is pretty heavy. That’s not even counting the armor!

Gideon’s been bleeding out this whole time? Damn, what a trooper!

What lovely service! Even Liliana can’t find fault with it! Also b*tch you better pay those people!

Oh of course the Cabal wants to take over the world, as if that’s a spoiler!

So Belzenlok supplanted Kuberr. Kuberr, by the way, is what the kids are calling “cool ubers”.

Oh shit, Benalia? Damn, that’s white mana! They’ve been busy!

C’mon, Liliana, you couldn’t have not seen this coming, being called the evil daughter.

Ah yes, because the last time you went to gather herbs worked so well, Liliana...

I’m not even sorry

"I don't fear that," he said, mildly, gazing up at her. "You need me to kill Belzenlok.” -- Gideon, Speaker of Harsh Truths

OH MY GOD I WAS KIDDING. YOU’RE USING THE EXACT SAME HERBS YOU USED ON JOSU???

Liliana, girl, you’re a black-aligned mage. Red’s your ally: you’re allowed to feel emotions.

Oh hey her house is still here. Neat.

I think someone raised Josu back from the undead...

And Liliana can’t raise any zombies in this fight, or otherwise people will think she’s with the Cabal!

Gideon, despite his shoulder wound, is fighting with no armor. What a trooper!

DAMN, that horse art tho! I’m filing this under “Possible Profile Pictures”

Oh shit! JOSU DESU! Looks like that herb really did work so well last time!

Liliana, dragging people by their goddamn legs!

Now Liliana has a morally upstanding reason to fight Belzenlok! Hooray!

Well what a thriller! We got a planar map! We got revisionism! We got Jhoira! We got merfolk with tails which I can’t wait to see the Plane Shift entry for! We got the motherf*ing Weatherlight in the first story! We got Nissa leaving the Gatewatch! We got Chandra (hopefully) going after her Gruulfriend! We got buddy cops! We got Josu!

AND WE’RE GETTING ANOTHER STORY TOMORROW!!!

Will Liliana be able to free her brother? Can Gideon even die or is he just a superhuman action figure now? What is the Void and why does it await? Does Belzenlok even know Liliana returned? Where’s Teferi Belzenlok, and is he helping Jhoira Belzenlok repair the Weatherlight? Will Dakkon’s Belzenlok’s Blackblade be an important MacGuffin, akin to Chekov’s Belzenlok’s Gun?

AND WHERE’S SQUEE?????????

Stay Tuned TOMORROW!!!

[tanknspank]

G I D E O N

[incorrect-mtg]

Liliana: I'd like to put the following motion up for vote. "Beefslab is no longer allowed to wear shirts." All in favor?

Jace: This isn't... we don't have bureaucracy in the Gatewa-

Chandra: In favor!

Nissa: Abstain

Jace:

Jace: Y'know what, sure. In favor.

Liliana: Motion passed!

Gideon: Don't I get a vote for myself in this?

Liliana: We already need to remind you to wear them half the time, I just assume you'd be in favor as well.

[snitewing]

Long time no post, I come out of hibernation to draw mtg art because I couldn't get any more cringe

I hope Liliana succeeds in bringing Gideon back qnq

[spuriusbrocoli]

gideon memeslab jura

Kektheon.

[farsight-the-char]

*Note*: Whitebeard's nickname in the original is Shirohige, with Hige being the term for Any Facial Hair, with Shiro meaning white.

So the term Whitebeard makes sense.

ROUND 1 - MATCH G4

[doctor-roman]

Finally figured out my Jund walker, lads

Name: Varthus

Race: Azra

Colors: Jund (B/R/G)

Home plane: Kylem

First planeswalk: Ikoria, probably

Magic: Magic Nullification

Varthus was once a young Azra on the plane of Kylem, trying to make his way through the arena of Valor’s Reach like so many before him.

But between the rules of the arena and the referees keeping track of what happened, he felt more and more like he would never know what he was truly capable of - that he would never really get to see how strong his abilities were.

Over time, Varthus came to be seen as a heel of sorts. He became known for his brutality and how efficient he was as a fighter. People never stayed partnered with him for long due to his...aggressive nature. But still, the rules and regulations of the arena kept him in check.

And he was tired. Tired of holding back. Tired of restraining himself. Tired of never knowing just how far he could really push himself as far as his physical abilities were concerned.

That is - as all stories of Planeswalkers start - until one fateful day.

Varthus was competing in the arena as normal. The crowd was jeering and booing him, as had also become normal. He was defeating his opponent’s handily, but. He wasn’t stopping. Something in his mind just turned off. He kept beating into his opponents, the cries of his partner to stop drowned out by the wails of the crowd as they watched the scene before them unfold, helpless to assist the poor souls who had just so happened to be paired against Varthus that day.

Varthus beat his opponents through the enchantments they wore to protect themselves, those same enchantments falling off of him. It was his fullest self versus their fullest self.

And he won.

Definitively.

And before Varthus could come to his senses, Valor’s Reach was gone. The cries of the crowd were now just an echo in his head. He was somewhere else. Somewhere new.

And he knew, with so many new monstrosities to test his mettle against, he was going to enjoy staying here for a while.

Varthus “magic” is more or less dispelling magic itself. Whether it be spells aimed at him or protective enchantments that others try to weave around themselves for protection, Varthus shatters through them all.

He will know your true strength, and you will quickly come to learn his.

But Varthus is not the type to pick on the weak. He does not concern himself with fighting those who will not, or can not, push him to his limits and beyond. He seeks advancement in his own strength and has no time for anyone or anything that won’t provide that challenge.

Varthus has only one life to live - he knows that. He just wants to know what he can withstand and what he can overcome.

[sylvanmtg-blog]

[purplerakath]

So this character has no card, art, or appearance in the sets attached to her appearance in the story. But during Kaladesh block there's an Elf who works with the rogue artificers to try and overthrow the Consuls named Shadowblayde (yes with a y). She becomes Ajani's sidekick during a number of stories and is a chipper upbeat tryhard and I want her printed so badly.

She also is very trusting for a underground rogue so she trusts that Liliana's codename for Gideon being beefslab is entirely on the up and up.

MTG LORE FANS, please tell me about (random) characters from mtg stories you're obsessed with/a fan of/you just think they're neat, i'm trying to find the most fun bits of mtg lore