#BECAUSE THERE IS A GOD AND HER NAME IS BEYONCE

[youremyheaven]

Jupiter's Boundlessness: The Union of Good & Evil

Something I have noticed for a long time is how Jupiter natives often play multiple roles within a single project. Be it movies or music videos, I often see them channelling the boundlessness of Jupiter by literally embodying several characters. As Claire Nakti explored in her Jupiter makeover video, duality and transformation are huge themes in the lives of Jupiter natives. This duality is not just a light vs dark one but also a masculine versus feminine one. Jupiter women especially being internally masculine often channel this in different ways. But beyond the "duality" is the "multiplicity", because of their vast, internal spaciousness they feel as though they are many many different people with many different interests and abilities. This is why Jupiter natives are kind and generous because their vastness allows them to literally put themselves in the shoes of others but it can also feel very confusing and tiring. You stretch yourself that wide, you might snap, feel empty and burnt out because you feel so chained by being a very limited narrow definition of "you".

Mariah Carey, Punarvasu Moon

She plays both herself and her obsessive stalker (based on Eminem) in her MV for Obsessed

She fights the evil brunette version of herself in her MV for Heartbreaker

She also has an alter ego named Bianca who is the opposite of her and even speaks with a British accent lmao

Here is a clip of Mariah being interviewed by her alter ego Bianca

In fact, I'd say that having an alter ego is in itself kind of a Jupiterean experience since these natives embody duality or feel like they contain so many contradictory energies or that they're "opposites".

Miley Cyrus, Vishaka Moon plays Miley and Hannah on Hannah Montana, a whole show that revolves around a girl trying to manage her alter ego.

Dua Lipa, Punarvasu Moon battles with her other self in her MV for IDGAF

Troye Sivan, Punarvasu Rising plays a female version of himself in the MV for his song One of Your Girls

Ruby Rose, Punarvasu Moon, Swati Rising captures her transformation from a traditional feminine woman to her more butch androgynous self in Break Free

Destiny's Child's mv for Lose My Breath features the trio battling their alter egos. Beyonce- Vishaka Moon, Michelle- Punarvasu Moon and Kelly- Swati Rising

I'm including Swati placements as well because I think Swati also closely embodies this Jupiterean boundlessness or multiplicity

Beyonce, Vishaka Moon also has an alter ego named Sasha Fierce and like many Jupiter women who talk about wanting to be a man/embrace their masculinity/channel this in some way, she has a song called "If I Were A Boy"

Avril Lavigne, Swati Moon played multiple versions of herself in the MV for her song Girlfriend

Halsey, Punarvasu Moon and Swati stellium has such a wide ranging style, all their looks are completely unlike each other. I associate it with the chaos of Rahu more than Punarvasu but I do think the Jupiter influence also adds to it. They've also talked a lot about not identifying with gender/struggling with it and even has a song titled "I'm not a woman, I'm a god".

The Weeknd, Vishaka Moon, Punarvasu Rising

"The Weeknd" is the alter ego of Abel Tesfaye and he has talked about "killing his alter ego" many times

In this MV we see him battling his alter ego.

I think it's important to note that Jupiter natives are always battling their other half/shadow in all these examples. One is good and the other is bad. It points to the nature of Jupiter where all contradictions exist. Being that vast and expansive can mean being generous, compassionate etc but it can also mean feeling empty and vacuous. The extremes of anything is a meeting point for its opposite. Jupiter is abundance but its also the storehouse of karma. Do you notice how some people just have lives that are full of sooo many crazy experiences, both good and bad? Some people just don't have much going on and others always seem to be handled the short end of the stick. The bigger the planet, the bigger the shadow. The bigger the blessings, the bigger the burdens.

Suga's (Purvabhadrapada Sun) MV for Daechwita sees him play both king and peasant and both of them battle each other.

He also has multiple alter egos (SUGA & Agust D)

Here is a translation of some of the lyrics from the song:

"I got everything I wanted.  What else can I have to be satisfied?

The things I wanted were clothes clothes, then money money, then goal goal, what’s after this?

What’s after this?  Feeling a strong feeling of reality check, a situation where there’s nothing higher. 

I had only looked up, now I just wanna look down and gently land."

Finding success meaningless is a VERY Jupiter experience. Abel sings about it a lot as well. Others work on accumulating things and its hard for them to imagine the kind of boundlessness of Jupiter, both in terms of latent potential but also in terms of the scale and expanse of what these natives achieve. If you had it all, would you find it empty and meaningless? I think a lot of Jupiter natives hold themselves back because of this, because they know the journey is more fun than the destination, that actually achieving your goals can be hella scary.

P!nk, Mars in Punarvasu atmakaraka battles herself in the MV for Don't Let Me Get Me

The lyrics go like:

"I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating

Don't wanna be my friend no more

I wanna be somebody else

I wanna be somebody else, yeah"

"So doctor, doctor, won't you please prescribe me something?

A day in the life of someone else"

The Jupiterean urge to be many people/somebody else is so revealing of their nature. They're always at odds with each other. Masculine & Feminine. Light & Shadow. Plus the boundlessness and abundance of Jupiter making you feel like you've transcended humanity and are akin to God (sooo many Jupitereans, esp men have a God complex its not even funny lol)

Its no wonder that so many Jupiter women often suffer from bipolar disorder. Bipolarity meaning swinging between extremes. This is literally the nature of Jupiter. Its a hard energy to balance.

(Mariah Carey & Halsey- Punarvasu Moon both have bipolar disorder, Kanye West- Purvabhadrapada Moon also has bipolar disorder Chyler Leigh- Vishaka Moon, Mel Gibson- Punarvasu Rising are all celebs who have admitted to suffering from bipolar disorder)

I am not a medical professional and neither am I going to assign mental disorders to different nakshatras BUT when I say imbalanced Jupiter energy manifests as bipolarity, I am pointing to the nature of Jupiter which makes its natives swing between extremes. Its a struggle to manage this and navigate this, no doubt.

Lisa Kudrow, Punarvasu Rising who played Phoebe and her evil twin Ursula

What's Your Rashee? is a 2009 Bollywood movie starring Priyanka Chopra, Punarvasu Sun who plays 12 different characters each representing a different rashi or zodiac sign

Kamal Hassan, Purvabhadrapada Moon played 10 different characters in the movie Dhashavataram (referencing the ten different avatars of Vishnu). He played the bad guy, the good guy and all the other guys.

This again points to not just the duality but also the multiplicity of Jupiter and literally being many different people.

Katy Perry, Vishaka Moon plays many different characters in her MV for Birthday

Vikram, Purvabhadrapada Moon plays 4+ different characters in the movie "I"

David Bowie, Jupiter in Vishaka atmakaraka, Shatabhisha Rising

Bowie had sooo many alter egos/personas, morphing from the flame-haired Aladdin Sane — a spin on “A Lad Insane” — to the clean-cut Thin White Duke with the greatest of ease. But his most famous alter ego was the androgynous alien rock star Ziggy Stardust who transported us to a glam galaxy far, far away in 1972 and 1973.

Lady Gaga, Swati Moon

"Lady Gaga" is in itself an alter ego as is being Mother Monster but she also has a male alter ego named Jo Calderone. She became Jo Calderone for her “You and I” video in 2011. The singer even went to the MTV VMAs that same year as Jo, walking the red carpet, opening the show, performing and sitting in the audience as the character.

The 1991 movie Dead Again stars Emma Thompson, Punarvasu Moon and Kenneth Branagh, Mars in Punarvasu 1h as two people who have double lives/past lives, the plot in itself is super Punarvasu coded with the same people playing multiple characters across multiple timelines (Punarvasu's deity is the personification of space and time)

Lily Tomlin, Punarvasu Rising plays 3 different characters in the movie The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Tatiana Maslany, Punarvasu Rising played many many different characters on the show Orphan Black.

The series focuses on Sarah Manning, one of several genetically identical human clones, and later on some of the other clones. The series raises issues about the moral and ethical implications of human cloning and its effect on identity. I had previously observed in an old post about how Punarvasu & Swati are connected to cloning and this is yet another example of the boundlessness of these energies.

Tom Cavanagh, Swati Sun, Venus in Vishaka atmakaraka played 15 different versions of his character in The Flash

Rachel Weisz, Purvabhadrapada Moon played both Evelyn and Princess Nefertiti in The Mummy Returns

Hugo Weaving, Punarvasu Moon, Purvabhadrapada Stellium (mercury, venus and ketu) played 6 different characters in Cloud Atlas

In Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, Alex Winter, Punarvasu Sun & Keanu Reeves, Punarvasu Moon play their evil versions.

The plot itself is very Punarvasu coded with Bill & Ted, two metalhead slacker friends who travel through time and beyond while trying to fulfil their destiny to establish a utopian society in the universe with their music.

Deepika Padukone, Swati Moon and Shahrukh Khan, Swati Sun played double roles as lovers who are reincarnated in a different time.

Jupiter is the guru or teacher. To be many things is what Jupiter teaches. It is kind of like being God and if one were to raise philosophical questions, you'd have to ask why did God create both good and evil? Why did he create joy and misery? There is no other answer except that one cannot exist without the other. Jupiter embodies this.

I hope this post shed some light on one manifestation of the boundlessness of Jupiter<33

xx

[shares-a-vest]

This post isn't me stopping myself from screaming Beyonce was robbed.

also inspired by THIS post that got me thinking about Steddie at the Grammys.

AU where Steve Harrington is at the Grammys, just a smaller indie artist who finds himself nominated for Best Rock Album. He's in the same category as Corroded Coffin, a metal band who similarly, aren't expected to win. The favourite is some younger group who are basically just pop with a bit of an edge. Plus they've all been shoved at tables that certainly aren't the main attraction, away from centre stage and constant camera pans.

Steve's "date" is his best friend Robin, and every question (okay, the few questions he got) on the red carpet were about her. And they just laughed and fumbled their way through answers that never technically answered if they are dating or not.

There's a commercial break in the ceremony, so a lot of people are mingling. It's pretty crowded and loud and Steve is starting to feel overwhelmed... And his category is up soon. Oh god, what if he wins...

"Great album, man," someone says as a hand claps on his shoulder.

Robin makes some kind of excited squee noise and Steve feels her fumble around at her feet.

"I'm going for more drinks!" she practically shouts in his ear, leaving it ringing.

Before Steve can turn around she disappears.

"Your girlfriend knows it's table service, right?" the voice offers.

Steve finally turns around to find the lead singer of Corroded Coffin saying before him, smiling. He's dressed in leather pants with a sheer black top under his jacket, exposing a chest tattoo. He looks completely different to the wild performance he gave about half an hour ago, screaming and trashing about on stage and not sending Steve's heart racing.

He must be staring because the Hot Lead Singer of Corroded Coffin furrows his brow.

"Oh, um," Steve stutters, clutching his place card in his hands once again. It's completely tattered now from fiddling with it most of the night.

"First time here?" the man asks, quickly moving behind him to sit in Robin's vacated seat.

"Yeah," Steve replies. "It's a lot."

The man laughs, fluttering his eyelashes as he props an arm on the table, exposing ring-adorned fingers. Gosh, he's pretty.

"It makes for a pretty cool date night."

"Oh, Rob - Robin!" Steve chokes and awkwardly thumbs behind him. "She's not my girlfriend."

The man nods, looking him over. Steve blushes and scrambles to add, "Your performance was great."

"Felt like we were asked to perform to appease rock fans, really," he shrugs. "It's all overproduced garbage now. Not you though!"

He places a hand on Steve's knee at that last point.

"Thanks," Steve huffs, bashful as he ignores the panic reaching every inch of his being.

"Name's Eddie," Eddie clarifies.

"Steve!" he... announces?

What was that? Can he actually be not this, right now...

He's saved by the bell as the event announcer informs the audience of the return from the commercial break and begins listing the next categories. Eddie squeezes Steve's thigh.

"Talk later," he smiles, before darting back to his table.

Neither Steve nor Corroded Coffin win. As predicted, it's the pop/not-really-rock group. Steve nods his way through condolences at his table, including his manager and Robin who had far too higher expectations.

As soon as the winners leave the stage, the overhead announcer informs of yet another commercial break. And before Steve knows it, Eddie is back, crouching down beside him and placing his hand over his.

"Tough luck, Steve," he says, although he doesn't look at least a bit disappointed. "Wanna go to the afterparty with me?"

Steve looks to Robin for approval.

"Yes," she says through gritted teeth, kicking him hard under the table.

He closes his eyes and winces at the pain. Does she really need to be this kind of a wingman at the goddamn Grammys?

"Sure," he says to Eddie, wincing again because he's sounding way too casual (and he might also be bracing himself for another kick).

"Great!" Eddie beams and leans in, close enough to whisper. "We're gonna have some fun."

[aliciavance4228]

Here Are Some Of My Headcanons About The Greek Gods

Zeus' favourite songs are Lightnin' Strikes by Aerosmith and Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin;

Hera watches Desperate Housewives,The Tudors and Game of Thrones (brother-sister incest supremacy);

Poseidon watches Finding Nemo and The Little Mermaid with Triton;

Hades hates NASA since 2006, when they declared that Pluto is not a real planet.

Demeter likes corn flakes and dislikes candy corn;

Hestia hates Santa Claus (he's desecrating chimneys with his long beard and big fat ass);

Athena knits mini clothes for her owls;

Hephaestus plays Minecraft in his free time when he's alone;

Ares plays God of War and thinks that the plot is stupid because no mortal could ever defeat Ares the Boss;

Aphrodite listens to Madonna, Beyonce, Rihanna and Christina Aguilera (and you know that lol);

Apollo has a Magic 8 Ball and sometimes asks it before making a decision;

Artemis also hates NASA since they named their spaceflight Apollo 11 instead of Diana 11;

Hermes loves pick pocketing and letter writing (it's a very underrated form of art);

Dionysus enjoys Oktoberfest and listens to Bach, purely because of his name;

[heavyhitterheaux]

Back To The Way They Were

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

(Pairs with Lose You to Love Me)

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, druski2funny, saweetie, mortirolo, danivalentine, cozane, and 3,459,182 others

y/ninsta: classy ratchet bitch, real trendsetter 😘💖

lilnasx: ma'am PLEASE GET YOUR FOOT OFF MY MUTHAFUCKIN NECK 😍😍😍😍

saweetie: got DAMN you ate this shit UP!

urbanwyatt: 😍😍😍

softtcurse: you looking amazing 😍

2forwoyne: softtcurse I- never mind 

softtcurse: 2forwoyne ???

quiiso: not the time for that at all. moving on. First Lady looks amazing

urbanwyattsource: uhhh what is all that about?!

jackharlowsource: urbanwyattsource I wanna know too. I though her and Yasmin were cool?

urbandjack24: apparently not and someone needs to spill the tea

jackandy/naremyparents: how are we supposed to spill it if no one knows but them? and they aren’t about to say anything

jackandy/naremyparents: jackharlow look at how pretty your wife is! I'll marry her if you drop the ball and mess up

claybornharlow: jackandy/naremyparents get in line 😫

danivalentine: CLAYBORN!

claybornharlow: danivalentine yes? 😌

druski2funny: y/ninsta I thought we were going on our date?

jackharlow: druski2funny are you lost?

druski2funny: jackharlow 👀 oh um didn't realize I'd be running into you here

jackharlow: druski2funny 🤨

druski2funny: jackharlow I'll see myself out

jackharlow: druski2funny you do that and take claybornharlow and dualipa with you because I know her ass is on here lurking 🙄

dualipa: jackharlow not you calling me out when I'm trying to be discrete

jackharlow: dualipa you and discreet in the same sentence? Try again

jackharlow: y/ninsta you look gorgeous baby 😍

y/ninsta: jackharlow thank you smush, love you 💕

jackharlow: love you more ❤️

jackharlowsource: oh? did our parents make up? What's happening?

allthingsy/n: jackharlowsource she was at the GQ dinner the other night with him 👀

urbandjack24: finally because my heart cannot take this shit no more

jackandy/naremyparents: jackharlow y/ninsta I am putting in a formal request for a joint tour and a joint album in the future 👀

jackharlowsource: jackandy/naremyparents they would EAT! 😭😭😭

mortirolo: oh I see he’s not acting outta pocket like last time

danivalentine: Nicole, not now!

mortirolo: dainvalentine I didn’t even do anything!

urbandjack24: I honestly don’t think Nicole likes Jack  😭

mortirolo: urbandjack24 of course I do!

druski2funny: mortirolo God is watching, please stop lying on Beyonce’s internet

mortirolo: druski2funny I AM NOT LYING

2forwoyne: mortirolo all of PG begs to differ lmao

saweetie: mortirolo now Nicole...... lmaooooo

jackharlow: I need to start a support group for people who have been terrorized by her, Nicole’s victims anonymous

danivalentine: jackharlow PLEASEEEEEEEE 😭

quiiso: jackharlow you’re definitely the president lmao

shloob_: jackharlow can it be combined? Nicole and FL’s victims anonymous

y/ninsta: NOW WHY AM I IN IT?!

acepro: y/ninsta we all know shloob is scared of you lmao

shloob_: I WILL SAY THIS UNTIL I DIE, YALL ARE FUCKING STUPID IF YALL AREN’T

y/ninsta: I don’t even be doing anything! I rap and fuck my husband? Likeeee that’s literally it?

urbanwyatt: here yall fucking go 🙄

jackharlow: y/ninsta and you do it so well. them thighs are calling my name 😍

y/ninsta: jackharlow something else is calling your name too 👀

claybornharlow: CUT THE SHIT

jackharlow: claybornharlow no. 

jackharlow: y/ninsta you do be terrorizing Urban, baby girl....

y/ninsta: jackharlow I DO NOT! urbanwyatt you better get in here and defend me

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta defend you from what exactly? I see no lies

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt oh okay wow. consider yourself evicted. 

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta how am I getting evicted if I’m not even living with you right now?

jackharlowsource: oh? URBAN MOVED OUT?!?!

urbanwyatt: jackharlowsource I planned on going back the week of her birthday but she’s acting outta pocket right now in front of company

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt don’t bring your ass back once you get hungry and don’t bring your ass back at all. that ramen can only hold you over for so long.

danivalentine: y/ninsta girl please. you can’t live without your husband and you can’t live without your best friend. urbanwyatt she’ll have the door unlocked for you and accept you with open arms

y/ninsta: danivalentine you ain’t have to call me out like that. I know I’m a simp for PG. 🙄

2forwoyne: yesss more food for us!

y/ninsta: 2forwoyne don’t get excited. I still remember your ass eating my entire pan of cheesecake that was FOR NICOLE!

mortirolo: 2forwoyne you on my list now. watch your back

jackharlow: 2forwoyne we’re taking new members for our group every week 😭😭😭

2forwoyne: jackharlow I think I’m going to need the premium subscription 😭

claybornharlow: y/ninsta gorgeous as always 😍

jackharlow: claybornharlow I thought I told druski2funny to exit to the left and take you with him?

claybornharlow: jackharlow I’m her baby, she’s always going to want me around 🥰

jackharlow: y/ninsta get him before I do

y/ninsta: jackharlow isn’t he YOUR brother? And you better not touch a hair on my baby’s head!

jackharlow: y/ninsta EXCUSE ME WHAT?!

y/ninsta: claybornharlow I’m sorry you had to be a witness to him acting outta pocket

jackharlow: y/ninsta the only people acting outta pocket is the two of you! and mortirolo

mortirolo: jackharlow watch it curly 😡

jackharlow: mortirolo see? that’s why I need the support group

y/ninsta: jackharlow you are so dramatic sometimes smush lmao

jackharlow: y/ninsta oh? dramatic? me? how about you the other night acting as if I was trying to kill you as if you were running away from this dick?

y/ninsta: jackharlow I plead the fifth

jackharlow: y/ninsta mm hmm. I knew that would shut your ass up

y/ninsta: jackharlow still talking smush

jackharlow: y/ninsta wait until your break from tour....

theestallion: jackharlow oh?

normani: can’t wait for the group chat about that one!

druski2funny: jackharlow I get to watch right?

dualipa: if druski2funny gets to watch, so do I

jackharlow: druski2funny dualipa consider this me uninviting you both to friendsgiving

lilnasx: lmaoooooooo more food for meeeee

druski2funny: jackharlow hold on now! I have an important role

lilnasx: druski2funny you’re bringing the drinks because we know your ass can’t cook, your job is not that important

sza: I AM SCREAMINGGGGGGG 😭

dualipa: y/ninsta if jackharlow messes up.... you know where to find me

jackharlow: dualipa nobody will be able to find you once I’m done with you. CUT THE FUCKING SHIT NEOW

dualipa: jackharlow always so violent smh

jackharlow: dualipa I still have my bb gun. don’t test me.

claybornharlow: oh! you know what I just thought of? jackharlow and y/ninsta??

jackharlow: claybornharlow whatever it is, you better not say it

y/ninsta: claybornharlow if you say it, I’m not making your birthday cake this year

claybornharlow: jackharlow y/ninsta the senior prank the two of you pulled with the rest of PG

y/ninsta: claybornharlow DO NOT FINISH THAT FUCKING SENTENCE

jackharlow: claybornharlow KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

claybornharlow: bubble wrap. elevator music, and selling a house. kbye.

saweetie: claybornharlow GET BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN!

y/ninsta: claybornharlow count your days

jackharlow: y/ninsta forget days. his ass has MINUTES

jackandy/naremyparents: so happy that these two are back to the way they were before 🥰

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[mygloviesme]

cool about it, eleven years later. || myg || story finale

no. 3 out of 3: i can’t hide from you like i hide from myself

predebut/debut!yoongi x female idol

summary: eleven years later, kanako lives in nyc with her childhood best friend keiko. bts have become a household name that floods her every day life, and she's learned to ignore it. after years of moving on from those months she spent with the seven boys, she finds herself in a good place. what happens after one fateful night she finally runs into faces she's tried so hard to run away from?

(definitely inspired by boygenius)

word count: 10.5k (yup)

genre: ANGST, fluff, melodrama

chapter warnings: mentions of mental health, drinking (casual wine sipping), mentions of toxic ex, smut (missionary, oral f. receiving, dirty talk, praise? idk)

if you see any edit mistakes, no you don’t. it’s 5 am and I’m too eager to release this!

inspo song: xo by beyonce

"your face is all that i see, i give you everything"

 JULY 10TH, 2023, 9:46PM

It feels silly, us all being so much older and sleeping over in Jungkook’s hotel room. Although, it is a huge hotel room. Anyway, it feels like we're too old for sleepovers like this. Even Yoongi, who stayed quiet most of the car ride, groaned in annoyance.  Shouting, ‘Why did I spend so much money on a nice hotel if I was just gonna sleep on a couch?’

But Jungkook insisted and so did a still-tipsy Jimin. Namjoon was pretty neutral like always. I think he’s secretly excited though. I’m not sure if I can say the same for Yoongi. I couldn’t stop glancing at him during the car ride, examining his quick-witted retorts to Namjoon like I remembered. We’d swap eye-contact every once in a while, though fleeting, sending shock waves down to my core every time. But, the dust (my non-stop adrenaline) luckily settled once we arrived at the luxurious building. 

As we entered the room, an eager Jungkook races to his room, shuffling around to only come out with a set of clothes. And for a second, a brief moment, I swear he shrinks a couple inches. Like he’s as small as he was then. It’s not like I miss that version of him more because I can still feel he’s that boy in instances like these. But it’s nostalgic. “Here.” He says, handing me the stack. 

The sweats are soft and gray and the shirt I can smell even from here. Like laundry detergent, the one with the teddy bear on it. They feel undoubtedly expensive.

“O-Okay, I’m just gonna change in the bathroom.” I say, Jungkook nodding and pointing to the direction it’s in. I follow his finger and approach the tall door, turning the handle to enter inside. It gives me time to call Keiko and gather my thoughts. It’s been a long night filled with all sorts of things I have to sit and think about before I get back out and deal with it again.

Maybe not the yelling and shouting that occurred, but the thick awkwardness of the fact that we’re still getting used to each other. Eleven years is too long and two days is too short to recount everything we missed from each other's lives. The clock is ticking and I’m not sure how to slow down time. 

I place the clothes on the counter and reach inside my purse for my phone, opening my contacts to dial Keiko. Quickly. She picks up instantly like always. She’s great at that.

“Hey Koko, how’s everything going? Do you need a ride?”

I gulp, “N-No, I’m actually staying at their hotel tonight.”

I hear her freeze, “WHAT? You’re kidding!” 

“No, I’m not!” I whisper and cover my mouth to muffle my voice as much as I can. It would be another problem if they heard me gossiping about tonight. But I have to debrief with her, it’s what we do. 

“What do you mean by their hotel?”

 “Well it’s Jungkook’s, but everyone agreed to have a sleepover.”

“What the fuck. I wish I was there! Hook me up, dear god.” She whines. 

I laugh loudly, slapping my hand over my mouth when I realize the echoing it caused. 

“Shut up. Maybe. But anyway, I’ll be here.”

“So what’s gonna happen? You gonna snuggle up to Yoongi or what?” She says and I hear her eating on something. Probably the rocky-road she claimed to hate. Liar. 

“No, I’m not. Definitely not. We got into it tonight. Bad.” 

She gasps, “Tell me.”

I exhale softly, “It’s a long story, I’ll tell you later. But everything’s fine now. We made up.”

“You made up, really?” She says with doubt. Don’t sound so surprised, jeez. 

“Sort of. But there is one thing I wanted to tell you. Jimin got drunk and before me and Yoongi had…argued or whatever, he said ‘Yoongi isn’t the only one hung up on you.’ Talking about Jungkook. Isn’t that…crazy? What do you think it means?”

She sighs, “You know what it means, Koko. What did you expect from the boy? You guys cuddled like, every night.”

“He told me he considered me to be a sister!” I whisper-shout into the phone.

“I mean at first, yeah. But a hot girl coming to stay with seven boys every night? Come on.”

My face falls flat, my voice monotone. “I wish you’d keep some thoughts to yourself.”

“Anyway, that sounds complicated. But you’re a new Koko, new and improved. You can deal with this, I know you can. And if you wanna bail just call me up and I’ll come get you. I’ll be up for a while.” She reassures me. 

I smile, “Thanks, Keiko. Love you. I’ll see you later.”

I hang up the phone and set it down, placing my head on the counter to take a deep breath. My forehead sits on the cold marble as I try to ground myself, calm myself. I don’t want the events of tonight to tamper with me. I want to enjoy this. 

It hurts to think that they’ll be leaving in a day. That this night and tomorrow will be transient, because I miss them. I miss them like hell. I miss their laughs, their arguing. Their warm company that never fails to aid my stubborn, sad heart. As I lift my head to look at myself in the mirror, I witness the time that’s passed. The unmistakable creases on my face that have evolved as I got older. I wish they were here to see them as they came to fruition. I wish they could’ve seen and witnessed all my milestones. How did time pass by so quickly? I could’ve gotten so many more moments with them if I hadn’t left.

So many birthdays, holidays, everything. It’s not guilt that I feel, not even mourning. It's aching for all the time that I lost with them. They’ve always been my chosen family. And with Yoongi, even now I hurt when I think of everything that could’ve happened between us. Even if we stayed friends. Even if we stayed friends. 

I take a break from my feelings and put on the clothes Jungkook gave me in a hurry. I know I’ve spent an absurd amount of time in this bathroom, but I still hear them from behind this door. So I know they can’t be settling for bed already.

Tonight calls for a later bedtime. Although, I do have work tomorrow. 

JULY 11TH, 2023, 1:34AM

We’ve shared a bottle of wine or two throughout this night. Chatting about my own stories this time. All the things I’ve gotten into while living in this big city. Some stories I keep for myself, unsure of whether they’re appropriate for this late-night banter. Like the time in my work bathroom with a colleague of mine. That’s definitely unimportant. 

It isn’t long until Namjoon and Jungkook are calling it a night, surprisingly. I look at Yoongi who isn’t saying anything at all. Is he not going to bed? Should I say I’m calling it a night too just to avoid being alone with him?

I’ve wanted to talk with him ever since I saw him that night, but right now it scares me shitless.

“Kanako, you coming?” Jungkook asks me while carrying wine glasses to the sink. I revert from looking at Yoongi for reassurance, allowance, to stay back with him. I go with my gut. 

“N-No, I think I’ll stick around for a while longer.” Jungkook darts his eyes from me to Yoongi, sucking in his teeth. Is he upset?

“Well you can sleep in my bed. The three of us are taking the floor. It’s a big room, so. You know. Hope that’s okay.” His voice drips with irritation. He’s obviously discontent with me staying with Yoongi. I’ll take care of that later. 

“That’s okay with me.” I smile weakly.

He doesn’t necessarily listen to my response, instead turning his back to walk to the room. Namjoon and a sleepy Jimin bidding a good night before following suit. 

I watch them leave, counting down the seconds until they’re out of sight. It’s easier if I act like I’m distracted by them instead of talking to Yoongi. 

I grab the second bottle of wine that’s been opened by Jungkook earlier tonight, pouring myself another glass. Keeping busy. Still avoiding. I feel his eyes on me, though. I think he’s wondering if I’ll say something first. But to my surprise, he speaks. 

His isolated voice sends chills down to my abdomen, echoing in this sleek lounge space. His voice has always been low, smooth. Perfect to listen to as you’re falling asleep. I remember that so vividly. Him whispering to me as we both drifted off to sleep, kissing my sleepy face. His affection was constant. I remember the relentless hands all over my body when he got the chance. Shit, what did he say?

I widen my eyes, “S-Sorry. What was that?”

He laughs and takes a sip of the dark red liquid, talking in the glass. 

“So you and Keiko get along well?” He repeats. 

I bob my head from side-to-side, “Something like that. I’m kidding. Yes. We got along great, she’s like my sister.” There’s a loud nervousness in me that he’s not reciprocating. His words are confident, curious. I’m not used to this. Is it bad that I’m so anxious around him? Those almond eyes look ethereal beside the glow of the city lights. He’s beautiful. I wish I could take a photo of him right now. 

“That’s great.” He responds casually. 

Silence. 

I drink from my wine again, “Mmm- I listened to your solo album. It’s amazing.” I say, acting like the thought just came to mind. 

He nods, “Thanks. It took a while to make but I’m happy with the outcome. And tour was good too.”

“Right! Tour! I saw photos.” I wince at how well I’ve been keeping up with all of their extracurriculars. 

His eyes never break eye contact with me as he speaks, “What’d you think?”

I chortle nervously, “It looked really cool and thought-out. I think all of your songs are great.”

“All of them?”

Shit. The elephant in the room has stomped its way through the door. 

“Y-Yeah. All of them.” I whisper, fiddling with the stem of my wine glass. 

I want to ask, how many other songs are about me? And have you written as much about Aimee? But I’m too old to be spiteful. It’s making me gray faster. 

His veiny fingers push through his long hair, falling perfectly back into place as he sets his hand down on the kitchen counter. It suits him so well. He looks so sophisticated, and it’s still so surreal that I’m in front of him once again. Just like an inevitability, like death (morbid, I know) I had weirdly accepted that I would never see them, him, ever again. Was that selfish of me?

The reechoing of stillness makes my mind wander towards the city that never sleeps. It’s especially louder tonight during the absence of either of our voices. 

I hear the honking and bustling of city life, something that never gets old. I loved it when I first got here. It filled in the gaps of silence so I wouldn’t be forced to think so much when I was sleeping at night. When I’d be crying myself out of tears because of the long-haired man sitting beside me. I would think about the young kids, whose night was just starting. The people closing up shop, the babies being put to bed. It was easier to live outside of myself here. You can’t help but love everything around you. Even the sweaty summer and nasty rain and the smell of garbage that never leaves certain streets. It’s become my new home. Nothing like Korea or Japan. Maybe that’s the point. 

As I sit next to Yoongi, someone who reminds me of the past loneliness I used to feel, it scares me again. I’m not sure if him turning out to be a complete stranger, or the same Yoongi I used to know, is better. It’s nice to know that after all this time he can still look at me like an equal. Like I didn’t abandon him. But do I want him to have completely forgotten about the girl I used to be? I did not prepare for this in therapy. 

“I wish I had invited you to visit me.” I confess, staring off into the glass window behind him. 

He looks at me softly, “I wish you did too. But I’m here now. We’re here now. It’s okay.” He says, and I have a feeling he’s talking about us two instead of all five. It’s consoling. And there it is again, that x-ray vision he has into my thoughts. Or am I being ridiculous once more?

“Is it?” My overthinking takes over. It was eleven years ago, yes. But it was hard, it was breaking. How could I not apologize, or even ask how I can make up for it? I have so much to say, but I await his answer instead. 

He shifts, “It is. I’m sorry for…what I said at dinner. It was impulsive and not thought out. I should’ve known not to say that.”

My expression grows dejected. I feel like I should be the one apologizing, so I do. 

“Don’t be sorry. At all. I mean– it had to come up either way. I know what I did must’ve affected you all. It affected me a lot. So, I’m sorry. For not reaching out, for leaving everything unsaid.”

His lips curl into a weak smile, “We were all young. We didn’t know the full extent of what you were going through, Kanako. All is forgiven, I promise. I’m just happy to be talking with you now.” 

I nod slowly, partially accepting his forgiveness and willingness to move on. It’s hard to believe that’s all there is to it, but I want to believe him. I’m not going to blame myself for the feelings I had because of my failing career and abusive relationship, but I can feel guilt for not talking to them even after the healing. That’s what I thought was best for myself at the time, what would help me move on better. 

And maybe it did in some ways, but I now know it just feels good, as well as other things, to be under the same roof as Yoongi again.

And between the beat of silence I get the confidence to ask, “So you and Aimee?”

He throws his head back with an amused smile, “Ah- no. I just ran into her that night and we kind of- kissed. Or something. But she’s way too young for me.”

I’m glad he feels comfortable enough to tell me, but it still stings just a little bit. But they’re not even together. All this overthinking only gave me more stress. Old habits die hard, I guess. 

“I see. So you’re…”

“Single? You’re quite nosy, Kanako.”

With a slip of the tongue I say, “I love it when you say my name.” But yet, nothing about it is sensual. It’s like I’m dancing around a thought neither of us want to fully think about. There’s a line.

His gaze becomes gentler, “I know.” 

God, he knows?

He grins at me before grabbing the bottle of wine to top off my glass, saying nothing. How could he just say that? It’s impossible to read him right now, which is something I would’ve never expected. If it was eleven years back, that is. 

“I’m single.” He responds and sits back comfortably in his chair. 

His words sound premeditated, like he knew I would ask. And he would answer. It seems the both of us are being a bit self-indulgent with our questions tonight. But the way he talks to me is seemingly affectionate. He’s no longer carrying me like water in his hands. I’m the glass he’s drinking in. 

I still feel inexperienced, something he obviously isn’t anymore. I can’t leech onto anything to make me feel more at ease, not even his presence that radiates heat. 

“And you? Were you being honest at dinner or do you have a secret boyfriend?” He teases. 

“I’m not sure why I’d keep it a secret.” I laugh, “But no, no one. Just me and Keiko.”

He hums and peers around the room. “Like Jimin said, has there ever been…someone?”

I hesitate for a moment. “I was being painfully honest about that too. I’ve seen guys, I guess. But this city feels so small sometimes I think I’ve run out of options.” I inch my gaze towards him like I’m afraid to know the next answer, “You?” I ask.

“Sort of, yeah. One. I was twenty five and it was only for a year. I just got too busy and she got impatient with me, so we thought to just end it.”

“Was it hard?” I whisper. 

“Yeah it was.” He chuckles and scratches the back of his with nervousness, “I loved her but…life just gets in the way. It’s annoying. I’m over it though.”

It feels so odd to talk to him about this. Would you call it exes bonding over exes? Or lack thereof on my part. But I’m glad he’s been loved. That he found that. It’s comforting to know about him, even if I wasn’t there. It hurts, but I’m putting maturity above my feelings.

“So-”

“I wanted to-”

We speak at the same time, sharing casual laughter soon after. I let him go first. 

He puffs out, “Uh, I just– wanted to say that…I hope you didn’t feel offended. After I released those songs.” He says repentantly. 

“Oh,” I tense up, “Not at all. Not at all. If you felt so musically inclined-”

“Shut up.”

“If you felt so musically inclined to, then I can’t blame you for it, right?”

He titters slightly, swiveling his drink. I can tell he’s relieved by the way his smize stays on his face, but there’s a disinclination to him as the seconds turn into minutes. 

He taps his glass, “I meant every word, Kanako.” He says quietly.

There’s no need for repetition, I digest what he said like I’ve been starving for days. 

I hang onto every word for what feels like hours, mouth slightly open before I can figure out what I’m going to say. I enjoy seeing him like this, honest. Vulnerable. I want to savor it. It’s sparking something inside of me that I thought had been shriveled into nothing. 

“I know, Yoongi.” I make it sound like it’s about to end. This, all of this. Like the feelings we had, or have, are only being brought up in passing. But there’s nothing about this that I’m ready to finalize. I now know, ever since that time I left, that his love for me ran like the ocean. I was the combining waves to his body of water. It’s still there. Am I getting ahead of myself?

As we settle into each other's energy at this moment, it’s a shared realization that there is no fire we have to combat anymore. It’s a mutual source we both want to indulge in. Calm. It would be a lie if I said it wasn’t a stormier, thrashing feeling than I’d planned. 

But it’s all the same. 

His hand lingers face down on the wrap-around kitchen counter, begging for touch. I keep mine on my glass, not giving in just yet. It could either turn out to be embarrassing or something else I need to procrastinate from dealing with. 

“Any other songs I should know about?” I joke. 

His expression is stoic, “Most of them.” 

My heart skips a couple beats. If I didn’t know any better I’d think I was going into cardiac arrest. With his body language it seems like he’s being completely serious. Completely, utterly serious.

He keeps his gaze on his hand, chuckling to himself. 

“What?” I share his amusement with a bit of confusion. 

He clenches his jaw.

“I think I’ll go crazy if you don’t touch me, Kanako.” 

I’m stunned by his frankness, not being able to speak. Is it now that I’m suddenly at a loss? Why is it now I have nothing to say anymore? All the worry, the thoughts, the stress course through my veins pour out of me as he looks at me. His gaze can’t be more gentle, more loving. But there’s a neediness within him that’s seeping to me. I can’t deny him of that, or myself. 

“Yoongi-”

“I need– I don’t even– I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I said that.”

“You don’t?” I ask, because the answer is obvious to me. I want to touch him too. I’m letting my childlike recklessness take over. There’s not one voice in my head saying ‘no’ louder than the ones saying ‘yes’. Yes, yes, yes. 

“I don’t know where to start.” He whispers. 

“I don’t know either.” I respond. Because the answer to that is obvious as well. It’s painfully, unfortunately obvious. We just want each other, that’s all there is to it. Why speak when we can forget it all? Maybe even start where we left off? That could never happen.

His hand strides over to my face in what feels like a quiet but grand gesture, leaning his body slowly into mine. It’s impulsive, rushed. We both have no idea what we’re doing and what this will lead to. 

“Yoongi…” I breathe as he draws his lips closer to me. They’re so shiny, and I remember that cupid's bow so well. His mouth brushes over mine and before I can take another breath, he plants onto me softly. I’m almost too afraid to touch him, knowing it’ll make it all the more real. If I let myself enjoy this moment, will it go too far?

Will I expect things from him he won’t be able to give me? Because I can’t live another eleven years without him. Now that I’m tasting him again, I’m not sure how I even lasted.

It’s slow and his tongue speaks a language that makes the minimal space between us agonizing. Closer, wetter, sensual. It’s what I crave most as his mouth moves with mine in a deep rhythm. I feel the vibration of a low hum coming from this throat, causing me to release the tiniest moan only he could hear. His fingers are relentless with caresses to my jaw, neck, anywhere. 

I keep my hands in his hair, diving into the soft strands that were once mine. I follow the natural growth and end up at his neck, tousling with the hair that almost reaches his shoulders. It was never this long, never this thick. Everything about him is pillowy and soft, so easy to get lost in. He’s eating me whole, and I let him. 

But, there’s a familiar stinging of discomfort when I try enveloping him fully, something that tugs at my heartstrings. Telling me that this is all too much, it’s too painful. I can taste the spotting of wine in his saliva and can only think to pull away in a sudden movement. I need to click my heels to get back into reality, I need to go home. 

“Kanako-” He whispers, caught off guard by my swift action. 

“This is all too–I don’t know if I can do this.” I mutter breathlessly, my head still caught up in the moment we had a second ago, the feelings that are boiling to the surface. My insides are twisting and being turned inside out. This is not how I thought any of this would go.

“Don’t do that, not now.” He asserts.

I’m choking up now, the tears that live inside of me never fail to reset whenever I’m caught. But I know exactly what he’s referring to. No need to play dumb. He knew me then and he can recognize me now. Maybe not know me, not fully, but we’re intertwined together whether we like it or not. His eyes scan me, needing an answer. Don’t run away, they say. 

“I’m not trying to,” My voice shakes, looking back into his gaze again. “I just–I still, I love you.” I say, like I’ve been holding it back since last night. Because I have, every inch of my body is regurgitating those words like they were never supposed to come up. 

He doesn’t speak for a moment, causing me to get up from my seat and try to collect myself. I’m thinking he doesn’t love me back, how could he when it’s been so long? I’m so stupid. 

He takes a short breath, “Of course I love you too, Kanako. How could I stop? How could I have ever stopped?” He says almost angrily. He’s frustrated with my need to escape him again. I can sense it. 

“It’s been too long, we’re strangers.” I respond, fighting the idea that we could ever go back. 

“We need to try. I need to. I couldn’t stop writing songs about you, I couldn’t stop hoping that one day I would find you again. It was never supposed to end that way. Don’t you think so too?” He pleads, his words come out in a blurt-like manner. He’s standing with me as well, his frame still a few inches above me like it was that time ago. 

“And then what– everything just turns out perfectly? We all just live like nothing ever happened?” I shake my head in visible denial.

He takes a step closer to me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “No, but we can figure it out. Slowly, but it can happen. Unless you don’t want it to. I can respect that, Kanako. We don’t have to be romantic. Just don’t leave. Pick up my calls, write to me, visit. Anything. Just come back to me.” He whispers. He’s stripped any wall down that stood there previously. We’re now eye-to-eye, lips closening once again. 

He’s magnetic. He’s my home. I’ve tried clicking my heels but I always end up back here, with him. Even if it was just in my dreams. But now he’s real, and how could I ever reject something that makes me feel this good? This loved?

And as he pulls me in once more, to kiss me once more, he says, “Let me in.”

So I’m now his, completely. I don’t feel spun around or twisted into nothing, I feel like his lips are the warm blanket wrapping around my aching body. His mouth aids my thoughts and his fingers ease my tense shoulders. I give in to him. He’s promised himself to me and pleaded that I come back to him. So I will. This time with no hesitation. 

We’re underneath the roof that hides the night sky but as he holds me to lengthen our kiss, I feel like the stars are twinkling above our heads. Like there’s constellations brushing against my neck and the moon is only inches away. I move our bodies closer to the couch, Yoongi’s back now pressed up against it.

He takes my hint and swiftly walks around the gray fixture, taking my hands so I follow him. I turn to him and push his chest softly so he lays down on the plush cushions, his eyes following every single movement I make. He has this smile he always used to have whenever it was just us. Whenever I’d be above him, tugging at my shirt like I am now. 

He sits up, placing his hands over mine that were about to take off my shirt. “Can I do it?” He whispers quietly, desperation leaking off every word. I nod slowly, feeling as he begins to peel off the thin fabric. His fingers brush over my stomach, causing a chill to run down my arms. He gives me goosebumps without having to do anything. 

As he has my shirt fall down on the floor, he runs his hands down my stomach slowly, curling his knuckles into the band of my skirt. He shimmies the tight material down my thighs until it pools around my ankles, leaving nothing to the imagination. His eyes carve out the small details of my body, my mind reeling every time he looked me up-and-down as if we were just two strangers ogling each other. 

Although he’s seen me before, seen all of me, that version of me doesn’t exist anymore. I have new spots and scars and a good amount of weight that wasn’t there previously. It has me feeling a little self-conscious, hoping he isn’t disappointed. I don’t feel a need for his validation, but his reassurance. 

“I don’t have my idol body anymore in case you couldn’t tell.” I joke sheepishly, dropping my head slightly to scan myself. 

He pulls me in, having me straddle his now laying body. “You mean you don’t have the same body you did when you were eighteen? That’s normal and completely, totally fine with me. I want you how you are now.” He kisses my fingers individually as he speaks. I sigh into the softness of his lips as they plant on my fingertips, needing more of him. 

I then jerk my hand from him playfully, a confused expression morphing on his face.

“I wanna see you now.” I say lowly. 

He sets his arms above him like he’s waiting to be undressed which causes a small laugh from me. I lift his shirt off of him, crawling down his body awkwardly for his pants next. “This isn’t as sexy as I’d want it to be.” I mutter.

He chuckles, “But you look cute doing it.” He reaches over to pet my head, which I realize I liked more than I’d be able to admit.

I huff and yank the ankles of his pants to get it over with, once and for all. I let the piece of clothing fall down beside the couch and go back to where I was previously. 

He hums, “As much as I like seeing you on top of me, I think we should do this properly. It is our first time, isn’t it?” 

A smile extends on my face hearing him say those words, although we’re still doing it on a couch, it’s the effort that counts, right? So I abide, letting him sit up so we can trade places. I feel much younger again with the way everything is so airy. My first time with Haneul wasn’t as loving as I had once thought it was. Nothing about that relationship was loving, but it makes me happy to know that I could do this with Yoongi. As if it was a redo, after all those other men these past eleven years. 

I’ve had good sex, don’t get me wrong. But never anything as intimate as this. 

As Yoongi hovers over me, he leans down to press his lips against mine. We get back into what was happening earlier, desperately locking into each other. Filling any gaps of space, which resided into Yoongi sneakily sliding his knee between my thighs. There’s heat radiating off of my sensitivity, including a pooling of wetness as he grinds into me. 

He looks so hot in his black boxers and I use his nearly nude body to my advantage, caressing his soft shoulders. Every part of his body is warm, it’s real. He’s real. His body has changed too. I can tell he’s been working out a little more. Which is never, ever a bad thing. I can’t get enough of him, bucking my hips into his knee further. 

“I’ll give you what you want in a moment,” He teases as his lips part from mine. He kisses down my chin to my neck, licking softly on my collarbones. As his tongue lingers on my skin he lifts my back to unhook my bra almost seamlessly. It causes a gasp from me, feeling the cold air as it bites at my breasts suddenly. His fingers make circles on the sensitive area, teasing my hard nipples. 

His mouth travels down my body but his hands stay on my chest until he’s reached the start of my underwear. I arch my back further when I feel his hot breath against my clothed heat, Yoongi pecking a kiss before he redirects his hands. “This okay?” He asks quietly while his hands play with each side of my panties. 

“Yes, yes.” I whisper quickly. I need him so badly, his mouth, his tongue. I want him inside of me, most importantly. To know what he feels like on top of me. But I can wait, especially if that means he’ll mouth-fuck me first. 

He slides down my underwear slowly, leaving me fully nude. My breath hitches when I feel his hands, quick to spread my legs. He urges me to throw a leg over the couch, so I do. This, I’m not as insecure about. Not when I’m so desperately needy.

His finger glides over the slit of my pussy, “Pretty Kanako. So wet for me. Is it? Just for me?”

I release a shaky breath from my throat, nodding slowly. 

“Let me hear you, pretty. Tell me it’s just for me.”

He’s making an absolute puddle of me, literally and metaphorically. Feeling my secretion dripping down to his already drenched finger that’s barely touched me. “Just for you. All for you.” I whine. 

My hips stutter against Yoongi’s curious mouth, “That’s my pretty baby,” He purrs. He lets his tongue sliver to my opening, flattening the center and licking me slowly. 

“Oh– god,” I choke out, feeling his lips suction around my clit and tugging at it teasingly. 

His mouth releases in a quiet pop– delving back into his previous motions. His tongue shamelessly digs into me, my wet mess painting his chin erotically. He hums into my pussy with devious intent, knowing the vibrations of his velvety voice would send me into a spiral.

– And it does, my hands trying to grab into anything I could to contain myself. I had to remember we were doing this with three people in the next room over, unfortunately. The only time I didn’t want those boys in the same presence as me. 

I try to whisper a ‘f-faster’ but all that escapes is a sigh. I think he understands because before I know it, he uses his fingers to spread me open, covered in my slick. His eyes dart to mine, looking into me as he plants his tongue on my vulnerable clit. My brows furrow and my mouth forms a quiet whimper, feeling him burying his face into me.

My cheeks are burning with a dark red, sweat forming at my forehead. The sight of his moppy hair and bare skin tugging at my thighs is enough to make me want to call it. I need to know how it’d feel to have all inches of his length in me. I remember how big he was– how much I would’ve given to have him tear me open then. And now the moment is so close, including my approaching orgasm. 

His tongue is greedy– and if I didn’t know any better I’d assume this act was for himself. How much he’s sucking and licking me clean, making sure I'm trembling– he loves this. 

“I c-can’t come yet– I need you..” I complain as my body says otherwise. 

He lifts his head to stop, making sure to replace his tongue with his thumb to play with my clit instead. “You sure? My Kanako doesn’t want to come all over my face? Because I know how much you loved it then.” He retorts. It’s hard to wrap my mind around having a normal conversation in the midst of my shaky legs and swollen clit, so I speak, although foggily. 

I place my wrist on my forehead, “I-I do, but I need you inside me. Please.” I plead breathlessly. 

His thumb stops and he travels to my upper body slowly, not bothering wiping the glossy slick that’s smeared on his face. Instead he rushes for a kiss, all forms of fluids being swapped between our mouths. “My needy girl.” He taunts with a smirk on his face. 

His hands travel to his boxers, taking them off swiftly. My wandering eyes still lock on his lengthy dick, seeing it bounce straight up due to how hard he’s become. There’s a familiar liquid that has the head glistening– precum. He gulps as his eyes look back to my body, hot and swollen. I’m a mess for him, I’m utterly open for him. My fingers trickle down to my saturated pussy, circling my clit to provoke him. 

His fingers grip his cock, pumping slowly as he stares at me playing with myself. He’s set in stone, groaning at the scene before him. 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He mutters, making gentle eye contact with me. I smile warmly as a thank you, feeling him line his cock against my opening. He pushes in enough to where the tip is fully in, moving his hands so they’re on both sides of me. 

I grab a handful of his hair, bringing his head into the nape of my neck as he makes his first thrust. I let out a gasp that echoes throughout the lounge room when his thrusts become two, three, until he’s created a slow rhythm to ease us both into it. Kanako, pretty pretty Kanako. I love you so much, love being inside you, he moans into my skin.

As pleasure cases him in a haze, his movements speak for him, his cock twitching with every inch he buries into me. I’ve hit the point where I’m beyond words, just spiraling into the mess he’s created of me. All that’s coming out is pitiful whimpers as my hands grip at his hair and back. 

“Y-You’re tightening around my c-cock, you know that?” He moans in disbelief. He removes his head from my neck to sit up right, continuing to pump into me. They’re growing faster by the second but by his sultry eyes I can tell he wants to savor every moment of this. I take in the crevices that outline his skin. The soft muscles around his stomach and his veiny hands that are holding steady on my stomach. 

He’s focused on pushing himself further into me, wanting to fill up my insides with as much of his cock as he can. He slips a hand to my ankle that’s resting over the couch, placing it on his shoulder to gain more momentum. My head brushes the arm of the couch as he fastens his pace, watching as he bites his lip. “You look so good underneath me, baby. Keep your eyes on me– wanna see how you look taking all of me,” And so I do, enjoying every single second of my view of him ramming into me like he knows nothing else. 

His thumb climbs back over to my clit, rubbing it gently to induce an orgasm from me. I can only assume he’s close, seeing his mouth agape and his thrusts becoming pounds. He’s hitting that spot inside me repeatedly, the overstimulation making me forget about how quiet I’m supposed to be. 

“Yoongi…yoongi…fuck-!” His name rolls off my tongue effortlessly. 

“Give it to me, pretty. Cover my dick in your cum, please,” He grunts quietly, leaning his head back with elation.

His sweaty bangs hang over his reddened face as he pumps into me in-and-out like clockwork. I watch him clench his jaw, his hold on my calf becoming tighter as his body reaches closer and closer to release. I tighten around him as the thumb he has pressed against my clit becomes too much to bear, tears pricking my eyes. “Yoongi, please–” I whimper loudly, digging my hands into his back.

He groans behind his teeth– snapping his hips to pump into my slick heat, our fluids conjoining together, making his dick glisten with a foggy whiteness. I shut my eyes quickly and let the sensations take over, a rush of warmth starting from my toes to my head. 

It makes me hazy in every sense of the word, high off the feeling of his dick hitting my sensitive spot over and over again— whilst he simultaneously circles my swollen clit with the pad of his thumb. 

“O-Oh shit–” I moan, my legs nearly going limp underneath him. I feel Yoongi slide his cock out,

grabbing a fistful of my hair to bring my face up to his dick. “Open f-for me, baby,” He demands, and I do so, having him stuff my mouth full of his length. 

I place my hands on his hips and stroke him with my tongue, suctioning his hard cock. 

“God– fuck!” He moans, tugging at my hair as he paints the inside of my mouth with white. I don’t let go from my grip on his skin, bobbing my head into him to stretch out his orgasm as much as I can. We’re both as tired as can be but watching him from below like this, seeing him unravel, is all I need to keep going. 

“Baby– baby…” He cooes as he glides his length from my mouth, collapsing from his knees and pressing his forehead against mine– breathing heavily. He grabs my face with his hands and kisses my mouth lazily, “My Kanako…I love you,” He whispers, moving his lips to scatter pecks all over my face. 

“I love you, Yoongi. I love you so much.” I reply lazily, succumbing to his sloppy kisses. He holds me like this for moments on end, forehead pressed against mine. We share each other's air as our chests move fast, heavy. I can see his tired state and yet– he’s unable to let go of me. Breathing me in as I am him, not wanting to end this just yet. 

But of course there seems to be always something, especially when it comes to the fact we just had sex on this hotel couch. Nice hotel couch, ‘kay?

“What the actual fuck.” The moment is interrupted, like a dumbbell being dropped on a glass coffee table. I’m struck with the deepest sense of horror and embarrassment, reality hitting me hard and fast. Jungkook is stood there, boxers only, rubbing his eyes as he stares at me and Yoongi. We’re both covered in sex and must smell like it too– Yoongi grabbing a pillow to throw over me. 

“Jungkook, this is– it’s-” Yoongi starts, but the young boy cuts him off.

“You guys are really…” He trails off in his scratchy-sleep voice. 

I furrow my brows angrily, so many feelings being present at once. 

“Just- let me get dressed and we can talk about this.” I urge him, darting my eyes around to emphasize the current situation. My naked body, Yoongi’s now soft dick, and a messy couch. 

Jungkook shakes his head and goes back into his room to get dressed as well, is what I choose to assume. The door shuts quietly and I turn to Yoongi– my eyes wide. “Fuck. Fuck.” I whisper yell at him. 

“I’m sorry, I know-”

“I need to talk to him.”

“Kanako, he’s older now. He isn’t fifteen anymore, don’t you think he can handle it?” Yoongi questions. I bite my lip and pick up my clothes from the floor, deciding to put Yoongi's bigger shirt on instead of my tight one. I don’t bother snapping my bra back on– too much work. 

I answer while changing, “There’s other conflicts at hand. I think you know what they are.” I respond. Yoongi grows faint, only nodding. 

As I struggle to put on my skirt I decide to leave it off, knowing the baggier top will cover whatever my underwear can’t. “Just let me talk to him. I’ll be back. Tell him to meet me out there.” I say evenly, pointing my gaze to the balcony. 

Yoongi sighs in acceptance and plants a kiss on my forehead, “As long as you come back.” 

JULY 11TH, 2023, 3:30AM

I stand on the balcony, arms resting on the railing. There couldn’t be anything more nostalgic than standing out here. Under the stars in this summer air. Reminds me of all those good and bad moments I had in their dorms. This would be the perfect way to end this night– if it wasn’t for what just happened. 

I hear Jungkook behind me, his hand closing the sliding door. “Hey.” He mutters. 

“Jungkook…” I say almost immediately, needing to hash whatever it is to come.

“You know it’s funny,” He shifts, walking next to me with his hands stuffed in his pockets.“When I got here at first, I didn’t even know it had a balcony. It’s covered behind those curtains, but I felt drawn to it. So I opened them and discovered this. You were the first thing I thought of when I got out here.”

“Really?” I ask, entertaining the sudden change in topic. If it keeps me from having to talk about what he walked into, I’ll gladly do so. 

“Kanako, you pop up into my head at least once a day.”

“For the past eleven years?”

His mouth stutters before he speaks, “Never skipped a day. I…don’t think any of us went a full twenty-four hours without thinking of you.” 

I whisper a small ‘oh’, looking at him fondly. The night sky shadows his face perfectly, following the curvature of his nose to his lips. That lip ring, I can’t deny it looks great on him. My eyes

can’t help but trail to the sleeve on his arm, scattered in permanent ink. I crave for the mutuality we had before. But I don’t regret doing what I did with Yoongi, even if it makes me selfish. 

“What about you?” He meets my eyes, “Did you ever think about me?”

I ache at his voice, hearing him ask that. Like he should know. He needs to know. 

“Every day.” I confess easily. I’ve been needing to say that. “I’m sorry I didn’t call…or-or pick up. I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t…” My voice gets shaky and my throat gets caught. 

He wraps his arm around me casually, like he used to before. This time it’s able to loop around my shoulder fully, and it covers more. It’s solid and warm, comforting. 

“I forgive you.” He says, placing a kiss on my head. I nuzzle into his embrace, accepting the forgiveness I don’t think I deserve. Maybe I will one day, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for everything I lost. 

“Thank you, Jungkook.” I smile, persevering through the stinging that’s currently ripping me in two. A beat of silence floats above us, but it isn’t unwanted. It’s singing softly, like background music. I settle into the darkness of the sky, enjoying the feeling of having him here again. 

I always dreamt about this. About seeing them, him, Yoongi, all over again. I’m so content. But still, there’s a question. Undeclared queries my mind is aching to figure out the answer to.

“Jungkook–”

“I know.” 

“But-”

“I’ll get over it.” 

He sucks in his teeth, nodding as if accepting his fate. I shake my head and separate my body from his. He looks at me like I’m being difficult, “Kanako, let’s not do this.” He argues.

I bite the inside of my cheek, “I can’t…be truly happy with Yoongi if you’re in pain. It’s not fair.”

His expression softens. It’s almost like he’s the eldest, the one to talk me down. It makes me devastated to see him take on this role. The bigger person, the mature one. 

“I can’t be truly happy if you’re not. I love you, so that means I want the best for you. I-I would’ve fought for you. I could’ve. God Kanako– the things I would’ve done to have you–” He chuckles to himself, running a hand through his messy hair, “But you’ve never been mine.” He finishes, pupil’s still focused on me. 

You’ve never been mine. Those words pain me, thinking of what he must’ve felt through all of this. The heartbreak, the loss, and now the rejection. If only I could feel what he felt, if I could aid his pain in some way. The thought of giving up Yoongi for Jungkook is not at all an easy one, not one I’d choose in this lifetime. The boy was never that to me. if I could be two different people, just so he could have a part of me in the way he wants, I would. 

But that’s not possible. It never will be. 

I exhale heavily, processing everything he’s just said. Everything that’s happened the past few hours. 

“How did it even come to that? The last thing I remember…” I whisper.

“It wasn’t until you were gone, like really really gone, Kanako. I was just a kid, I didn’t know what those feelings were. How I felt about…a life with you. One that was different than I initially thought. And when I finally did I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I needed to talk to you, to know if that could ever happen.”

“Is that why? You called for-for months?”

He looks down, “Towards the end, yeah. Until it was clear that you didn’t want to be…known anymore. I know different now, obviously. But, it broke me. I was so angry that every girl I was ever with was compared to you. Every girl I wanted was just a replica of you. I mean– whatever. It’s…whatever.” He shrugs and shifts his gaze back to the streets before us. 

I peer my head over to him, “I’m sorry, Jungkook. I’m so sorry. I wish…that I could-”

“Don’t do that to me, Kanako. Please.” He mutters, still refusing my direction. 

I reach my finger for his chin, tilting it towards me. There’s watery tears pooling his eyes, making me crumble at the sight. I would do anything to heal his hurt, to make this all the easier. But would it be selfish of me to choose Yoongi? There is no other option for me, besides no one at all. 

I don’t love Jungkook the way he wants me to, I don’t think I ever could. He holds a big piece of my heart, one made especially for him. He fits into the crevice so perfectly, but the space for anything more is nonexistent. I could never kiss him the way I do Yoongi, never look at him like a lover. He’s my Jungkook. While Yoongi holds the position of soulmate, Jungkook is my twin flame. Connected by familiarity and nostalgia, everything that has to do with the word ‘home.’

He smiles, the one he does where I can see his two front teeth. He’s back. 

“I won’t. Just stay by our side again, okay?” He says, though I know through layers of pain.

He almost jumps at me– bringing me in for a tight hug. I go on my tip-toes slightly to rest my chin on his shoulder, surrendering all my tension into his arms. “I’ll stay. I’ll stay, Kookie.”

He hums and rocks me slightly, from side-to-side. I reach my hand over his arm to wipe the small drops that were close to running down my face. This time, and maybe one of the firsts, the tears being happy ones. Pure, indescribable bliss runs through my body like clear river water, knowing I’m back with them for good.

“You’ll be here tomorrow, right? We can go to breakfast and maybe some art galleries?” Jungkook sniffles, parting from the hug. 

I sigh whilst my body cringes, thinking of work. Fuck. 

“I have to go to work tomorrow, my boss needs me to review some stuff.” I whine, showing my blatant annoyance. 

He frowns, “You can’t call out?”

I puff out, placing my hands on my hips. “Jungkook.”

“Sorry, sorry. That’s okay, I suppose. But you’ll make it to visit us before our flight? It’s at 6 pm, but you can see us at four-thirtyish, before we head out so you’re not caught by paparazzi or something.”

I nod quickly, “Yes, absolutely. I can do that.”

Some quietness passes, he shuffles his feet awkwardly. 

“What?” I squint, confused. 

“Well, what about…after? Will we hear from you? WIll you…visit?” He mumbles coherently enough to where I can understand. I hesitate, but only for a millisecond. I’m sure of it now, all of it. I won’t run away. Not when it’s good for me. And they’re good for me. 

A part of me flickers thinking of Korea again. But I think it’ll look different, feel different. I’m embracing the old Kanako as much as the new one. If anything, I’m excited to experience it as the person I am now. See it in a different lens. Maybe I’ll visit the Han River again, ride bikes with Namjoon and have picnics with Yoongi. 

And most importantly, I know my mothers spirit resides there. She isn’t a ghost to me anymore, something I’m afraid of. Keiko’s made it easier to celebrate her. I can do that again. With them. 

I reassure the young boy, “I’ll call, text, send letters, and facetime. And…maybe I’ll stop by for a visit or two. Possibly stay at your place?” I bite my lip, staring up to him teasingly. Knowing he’ll definitely like the idea of me sleeping over like all those times before. 

He shrugs like it’s no big deal, “Sure, yeah. Whatever. You’re gonna have to tell Yoongi that he’s gonna have to split the time up…or we’ll just share the bed again.”

“I’m nearly thirty, Jungkook. I can’t do that.”

He pouts. 

I roll my eyes in response, “Ok. Maybe.” 

The sliding door opens once more, a now-dressed Yoongi peering from inside. Jungkook tenses just a bit, not saying anything as he enters. 

“Everything..okay?” Yoongi asks, folding his arms to protect himself from the slight cold that lingers. 

I smile at Jungkook who in turn eases back up. 

“I was actually just telling Jungkook,” I turn back to Yoongi, “That I’ll be visiting you guys before you head off for the airport. Work and stuff.” I finish. Jungkook nods in agreement, shoving me playfully. “Tell him what else.” He whispers. 

I suck in a breath, “Andddd, I’ll be visiting you soon. In Korea. So don’t get sick of me just yet.” 

He follows to where me and Jungkook are, placing his elbows on the balcony railing. We all look at each other fondly, taking mental pictures of this moment. 

Yoongi exhales, “If you're the one taking care of me, I hope I get sick all the time.” 

Jungkook cringes, “That was so bad, hyung.” 

JULY 11TH, 2023, 4:27PM

There’s been many times throughout my work day that I’ve fallen asleep. If it wasn’t for this day being especially busy, I would’ve passed out on my desk. But everything in me was fighting to stay conscious. Not because I was needed, but because of the boys. 

Embarrassingly so, they were my main priority of the day. I made sure I got everything done just in time to clock out early, rushing to gather my things and speeding out the door. 

Now I sit in an Uber in the middle of traffic. The hotel they’re staying at is ten minutes away by car but fifteen minutes on foot. I bounce my leg anxiously as I dart my gaze from my phone to the busy road. The minutes are passing quickly and I can’t seem to slow time down. 

“Five o’clock traffic, right?” The driver laughs, tapping the wheel to the song that’s playing on the radio. 

My brows are furrowed and I’m biting my lip, hard. Ignoring whatever the man at the front said when my thoughts become deafening. 

Shit. I have no choice. 

It’s already four-thirty, so I grip the door handle and apologize profusely. 

“Sorry! Sorry! I’ll pay you for the full thing! Bye!” I exclaim, opening the door. I grab my bag and throw it over my body, cross-bodying it. I look down to my sneakers that I swapped out before I left for work, thanking God I didn’t forget my usual routine. New York is the most walk-able, non-walk-able city to ever exist. You always need a pair of these if you are gonna go anywhere. Or, suffer for the intention of beauty. That, I’ve done plenty. 

Anyway, I start running. Full on sprinting. I know starting off with such speed will only tire myself out. But, I need to get there on time. I can’t have them thinking I’m bailing on them. As I pass the confused, scared people I grow to be beyond shame at this point. 

I throw my hands over my breasts to keep them still, again, beyond shame. I pass by stores, outlets, apartments, and this run is probably the most cardio I’ve done since my idol days. I can see the entrance of the hotel inching closer, yet I have so many crosswalks I still need to pass. 

One by one I wait every single time. Safety first? 

I’m a heavy-breathing, sweaty-hairline mess by the time I’ve met with the last crosswalk. There’s already paparazzi hiding behind cars and bushes, ready to sneakily snapshot the moment those boys leave the building. 

I have to think fast as I approach the hotel, not knowing how I could possibly hide my face. I could not, in any shape or form, have my face back in the tabloids connected to BTS’s name. There’s already enough of that in the news now, considering the release of their book. 

I did snoop around during my lunch break, seeing old photos that somehow leaked. Ones where I know staff took them, which is disappointing knowing they probably turned those in just for a couple hundred bucks. It’s nothing defaming to the boys or me, just private moments I wish had stayed private. 

So, my name is already circulating around. I dig in my bag for an old face mask that’s been there for months, probably. I throw it on my face and release my hair from my ponytail, attempting to hide as much of my features as I can. 

I take a deep breath as I begin the pathway to the hotel doors. I attempt to look as casual as I can, passing the paparazzi as a regular city-goer. Just a very rich woman who is always staying at this hotel, nothing to see. Nothing to notice. 

I reach my hand for the door handle until it bursts open, knocking me to the ground suddenly. Namjoon stands with luggage in hand, stunned and apologizing profusely before really understanding what just happened. I too am confused, rubbing my butt in pain and the brightest red shading my cheeks. I just got knocked down in front of all these paparazzi, and as I see Jimin my eyes widen when he shouts loudly, “KANAKO! NAMJOON, YOU IDIOT!” 

The blonde, leather-jacketed man drops his suitcase to run to my rescue, helping me from the ground. The snapshots of cameras become faster, flashier, seeing the very popular star assisting the woman they now know as Kanako Fujishima.

The retired, scandalous idol. 

Jungkook and Yoongi are close behind, witnessing the sight of my disheveled state. 

JK splits through Joon and Jimin, “Kanako, we thought you couldn’t make it!” He exclaims, hugging me even with the prowling eyes. 

I hold him firmly, warmly. Feeling relief knowing I could still see them off.

“I jumped out of my Uber to be here if that tells you anything. I had to see you guys before you left, you know.” I smile through my teeth as I speak. 

Yoongi peers from Jungkook's broad shoulders in a baggy white button-up, paired with even baggier black sweats. He looks amazing even with such little effort, and I couldn’t be happier to see his face. 

The events of last night rush past the walls of my mind, having to push them down if I was ever wanting to speak normally again. I attempt to not become a stuttering mess, feeling like a nervous mess with a school crush.

“Hi Yoon.” We share a breathy laugh before he pulls me in his arms as well. 

“You’ve never called me that before.” He says, his embrace making all of my surroundings suddenly melt into the back of my mind.

The cameras haven’t halted their flashing and I try not to picture the headlines in my head when I hear them, overlapping one another. 

He pulls away from me, taking a risky hand to caress my face. Pulling the face mask off my face, he tucks it into his pocket.

“Yoongi, there’s people–”

“I know.”

He eyes my lips in a swift move before dipping his head to kiss me. His cupid bow lines perfectly with mine, moving in a soft flow. It’s nothing ostentatious by any means, not even heated. It’s short and enough to say something, but not shout it. 

I’m the first to break the kiss in an anxiety-induced cloud, looking at him, my expression completely bewildered. 

“So…” I say in one breath, pursing my mouth in an even line. I look around to the gawking pedestrians and then to Yoongi, who’s enamored…by me? He has an uncomplicated gleam in his eyes that isn’t fading. His hand drops to his side, head nodding to the paparazzi. 

“They don’t matter to me, just you. I love you, Kanako.” He states, his sure gaze pressing into my unraveled smile. 

“I love you. I love you,” I repeat, giving him one last kiss before grabbing his suitcase to hand to him. 

He accepts it hesitantly, brushing our hands together. The boys taking that as the cue to start moving into the car. They all give me more hugs, more temporary good-byes as they step inside the shiny, black vehicle. 

It’s bittersweet, seeing them getting ready to leave. Bitter because I can’t wait to see them, him, again.

But sweet because I know I will see them again. I’m strong enough now. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I’ll be on the next flight to Seoul as soon as I’m able to. And who knows? Maybe I’ll gain the courage to relocate. Perhaps Keiko and I can use a change of scenery. She’s never been to South Korea, and I know with her and the boys by my side, I’ll soothe into it. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’m too excited not to. 

Before Yoongi enters the car he turns to me, giving me a gummy smile that buzzes through my body instantaneously. 

“I’ll see you back home.” He says.

click here to start from the beginning!

an: holy shit you guys. this has been so healing and so fun for me to write this past month. seeing this community of people enjoy my writing has been so extremely eye-opening and crazy since this has always been a passion of mine! thank you, thank you, thank you for tuning into to all chapters of cool about it! and to readers who are joining after it’s all finished, thank you too for keeping it alive!

im thinking about doing little drabbles or one-shots here and there (of all the members bc ot7) as well so stay tuned for that!

don’t get sick of me just yet!

love you all. thank you.

[vesora]

reminding you of your true power - manifestation

do you feel alone? are you going through hard circumstances and you feel bad because growing up, all anyone ever said to you was completely negative? 

this sounds like an ad to a dodgy scheme but its not 

i am here to tell you anything that anyone ever said to you, no matter who it is, it could have been beyonce (i bring her up a lot) but it aint real

because how can anything negative be associated with GOD? you are god. that doesnt make you delusional or egotistical because growing up im sure we all associated god with this being outside of us who is better than us and yada yada

i do believe in god still, meaning source, but i believe that god/source gave us all His abilities. we are able to create as well as He can.

so, how can you sit here and tell me that you dont deserve anything good?

“If your conception of yourself is less than that which you claim as true of God, you have robbed God” (i think neville said this im not sure)

now tell me what you would associate god with? for me it is:

pure unconditional love, the almighty creator, limitlessness, pure forgiveness

you already have all this within you but “your refusal to believe this is the only reason you do not see it” (-neville)

you do not have to BECOME limitless, or BECOME a master manifestor because you already ARE everything you desire

but sora why cant i see proof of this?

if you are just starting out, lack in persisting or you have had hard circumstances and fail to believe that you truly are the one and only creator, you might have to persist even more and fully embody yourself as that which you seek to be

but sora this all sounds too good to be true

we live in an epoch right now where there is a martian impulse situated from the time of jesus christ meaning that earth right now is dominated with the need to work hard, to compete, to fight because what is mars associated with? war, aggression, heavy masculinity

humans used to live in an epoch - lemuria / kinda atlantis until they lost their shit and became overly concerned with technology like how we are rn - where it was extremely natural to manifest. telepathy, levitation, full control of one’s body was completely normal because it is a human’s TRUE nature to be in line with divine consciousness meaning to be less dense (less concerned with the physical world)

this power hasnt left us, if it sounds too good to be true as it once did for me, it means that you havent completely let go of the conditioning that society put in you because why would the elite want you to realise your true power?

but i am telling you right now that you are powerful. idk if u r a small town girl from ohio named betsy, u r POWERFUL because you are made of the same consciousness that god is made of.

now i had made this post initially to offer support for people going through bad things so ill go back to that rn

you are not alone. this blogger named vesora (shes pretty cool) is here for you. we do not need to know each others names, faces or livelihoods, just simply the fact that you are aware of my existence and i of yours (yes i check my notes and manifest the best for everyone), we are set and bonded. for humans share a special connection that others cant replicate.

i love you, if you havent heard it in a while or if you wanna hear it again. i love you and i love how you are trying even if things are hard but remember success is guaranteed for that is the gift given to you as soon as you were born. i see you, i dont care if you feel unseen, unloved, unworthy; i see you, i love you, i know you are worthy. and since all humans are one - one consciousness - u love urself too. just accept you do. ପ(๑ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ଓ

yes u can be like tanjiro too

[joesalw]

Why on God's green earth she was nominated for a Golden Globe? I can understand WHY but I didn't think the cinematic industry would fall for her bullshit as well. Her current career moves are not for the sake of art, they're just for money. I didn't watch Beyonces documentary yet, but I saw it has background stuff, interviews, and the shows are edited for effect, with many outfits. How come the eras tour was nominated but not the Renaissance tour movie? Don't even tell me it's because is new, bc Wonka is also pretty new and it was nominated.

God, if she wins her fans will be even more insufferable.

The nomination was for box office success and not about the art itself or the production. But I think Barbie is gonna win it, so they're just getting the swiftie clout from her name.

[arandomdai]

COZY: THE THEROY

⚠️WARNING: THIS IS JUST A THEORY. So put on your tin foil hats on, it's going to be a LONG read. Enjoy!⚠️

• The Local Woman Stands Up

1.) In the RENAISSANCE album booklet, there's a picture of her for COZY. We've seen this picture before on a page of The Echo newspaper where the subheading says "The Local Woman Stands Up". Two things could've happened

One, going back to my I'M THAT GIRL THEORY (the reblogged part), I said that she might of been unconscious during the ending of I'M THAT GIRL (where you hear echoes) and when you get to " This a reminder" (the start of COZY) she gets up. They write a story about it because she isn't originally from Echoville

Also this can be foreshadowing what's going to happen in future scenes (I said this in my Part 2 Echoville theroy, Easter egg THEROY, and I'M THAT GIRL theroy). Even in the lyrics for COZY, she sings "She's a God, She's a Hero".

• Video Scenes

Going based off the lyric video, the flashing of pink and black can mean that she's in the city seeing lights or she's in a nightclub seeing a new and different experience (or something that is surreal). Also it can mean she's a tiny bit giving in to what the world of Echoville has to offer.

• The Characters

So from looking at the RENAISSANCE poster sticker, there is a character named "Miss Honey". From what it looks like, she could be a person that runs a show or the ballroom and performs. Or she could be a contest (run by pxssy Pink) called "Glitter Kitty Contest" from the Echo newspaper. Also, TS Madison was saying or describing the different shades of black people, I think they're going to be wearing the color of their characters (or species)or Beyonce herself. For example...

Black Love= Showing off her/his beautiful dark skin or the look that Miss Honey is wearing on the poster sticker or something else

Green Eyes= Could be the all green look from (allegedly) BREAK MY SOUL or someone with green eyes who also have a green look

Pxssy Pink= One of Beyonce's looks from the tour interlude where her hand is like a cat's claw

Blue Soul or Blue Crown= Referencing her daughter Blue Ivy, she could be wearing a blue outfit or someone else. I wonder if she or another person is going to wear the Balmain look for MOVE 👀

Purple Drank= She or someone else wears purple or dark purple

Gold Fangs= I can see her or someone wear an all gold outfit with grills to match. Or this look

Red Cinnamon= Her or someone with a all red look and/or with red hair. When she sings "Paint the town red..." She's talking about having so much fun in the streets of the city.

Limoncello= Her or someone else wears the color or have a dress similar to a curvy wine bottle.

•My Thoughts

"Rainbow Gelato in the streets" means that she is having a good time. Not only her, but the people and the characters that we know so far are having a good time to the point it's to good to be true. It's as if it's dreamlike. I said on my Part 2 Echoville Theroy that the city might be giving off utopianism when it's obvious that it's actually dystopian. The local woman is probably confused and enjoying it at the same time.

•The Outro to COZY

The echoing of "Unique unique that's what you are" could be the ALIEN SUPERSTAR telling the local woman that because she's a normal human being and different from everyone else. The fast pace of the beat at the end of COZY to ALIEN SUPERSTAR could highlight that someone important to the characters (rainbow gelato in this case) are waiting for her.

[iantimony]

this tuesdaypost was drafted on monday, please clap

we are cookin with Gas this week

listening: listened to antimai a few times through, favorite track i think is 'ring 5: middle class'. dorian electra - man to man: really fun video too charasho (benny friedman): was linked in jew chat. very charming and funky. 5 Old French Dances: No. 5. Le Basque (arr. for 2 recorders and harpsichord): i heard this a billion year ago on the radio (my wakeup radio station on my alarm clock is classical) and i finally got around to saving a link for it. very bouncy very cute. makes me think of rabbits running in circles a la beatrix potter.

EDIT TO ADD: i also finally listened to beyonce 'cowboy carter'!! i know im late! it's good i like it! not a revolutionary opinion! obsessed with her jolene cover! that's all!

reading: big one this week! i FINISHED 'the left hand of darkness'! i really liked it! still marinating on the themes etc. i started 'the dispossessed', also by le guin, and am devouring that as well. there's some stuff in there that oof ough. existential. but i'm liking it so far, i'm around chapter 5 right now. physicists!

fanfic: imposter syndrome (mikkeneko): i might have already linked it but i can't be assed to go back through a few weeks of tuesdaypost to see if i already have. so if i did, here it is again. really charming premise, gut-punch of an ending, cool twist on the doppelganger setup from dungeon meshi with svsss.

the articles, some of which were actually read a while ago but i forgot to link and am now cleaning out my phone tabs: how will the golden age of 'making it worse' end? (david roth) new canada policy lets indigenous people reclaim their names (emma bowman) what happens to the stay-at-home girlfriend after a breakup? (erika w smith) unschooling is the parenting trend that's pissing everyone off (ej dickson) in defense of 'coffee badging' (monica torres): if i had a job that was all zoom calls i would literally go insane over being made to go into an office to take zoom calls. fuck that what my mother's wardrobe taught me about style and grief after she died: thinking a lot about all my dad's shit will semen destroy your shower drain? granny davis' geocaching page: found when i was looking at some reviews for caches near my apartment. im kind of obsessed with her. she also has a facebook page called 'granny's geo page' if you don't have a geocaching account. literally she is everything to me. she has found So Many fucking geocaches good god. wedding trivia questions: used as reference to create some wedding trivia for a bridal shower! similarly, the wikipedia page for morganatic marriages my fight with a sidewalk robot (emily ackerman): my school has these. hate them. my boyfriend just linked this to me and im obsessed, laser etched paperweights, i am not a huge paperweight girlie but wowwww prettyyyyy. the electron orbitals!!!! i had a search open for "anti mega #1 cray street". i have no idea what this is.

special edition: the link dump from my trip to the uk last month! some very related to the trip itself, a few random extras! top of the poops, an architectural firm bc i saw a sign with their logo and thought it was cool but now i can't find their logo, waring ader space invaders because i saw someone's shirt with the little space invader guys and was like ooh the tate museum joel meyerowitz (and another page about him) wikipedia on gratin dauphinois, wikipedia page on doncaster for some reason i did not go there list of artworks at the national portrait gallery of scotland wikipedia page on the jacobite uprising of 1745 washi tape that would match the edinburgh one i bought there, tintin in the land of the soviets postcard that i didnt end up getting wikipedia for a quaich which is a traditional scottish bowl, a wiki page on the geology of arthur's seat, a book in the scottish national galleries that i thought about purchasing but didn't want to try and fit in my luggage (she is definitely one of my new favorite artists though) wikipedia page on lauryn hill for some reason not sure how i got there, wikipedia page on salome halpir this post was on tumblr and i tried to find the item in the victoria and albert museum but it was sadly not on display, one of the audio guides i listened to a bit of in the v & a, a scarf i almost bought in the v & a a google search for the fabric library at harrods because my mom mentioned that it existed but i could not find it search for blinq (apparently spelled that way) blossoms because of a cocktail my brother's friend ordered that had one as a garnish wikipedia page on the mechanical explanations of gravitation

watching: from wool to cloth using a historical weaving technique (jillian eve): oughhh colors

emma in the moment/made in the moment: a deep dive into the chunky boy crochet lore the crochet stardew valley pillow drama untangling the shocking tale of mystical creations yarn i tried red heart's new all in one granny square yarn

some crochet tips videos from play hooky with me

tiffanyferg: 'personal style' discourse hgtv is a gentrification masterclass cleantok villains and the morality of messiness

playing: a teeny bit of wizard101

making: fallow. well i guess i drew on some cards for my friend's bridal shower. but generally fallow.

eating: made deb smittenkitchen's delicious carrot cake recipe. mine was a little ugly but really really delicious. i bought a bag of preshredded carrots and just sort of roughly chopped em up a little smaller because i couldn't be assed to grate them. i also couldn't be assed to trim the cakes, i did two smaller round pans and stacked them up but because i didn't trim them they were a little wibbly. oh well.

i'm going to bake another cake for my brother's birthday next weekend and i'm between her chocolate olive oil cake (looks really easy) and bittersweet chocolate and pear cake (a little more involved but highly recommended by bee)

misc: my mom wanted to take a sailing class but didn't want to do it alone so she offered to pay for me to come. sure, said i! i have never sailed! i like learning new skills! reader, it is So Fucking Hot Outside. the wind died and we had to get towed back to shore. the sun was so strong. there are so many ropes with all different names and they all Do Something. sunday's class got cancelled/rescheduled because the weather was That Bad (hot as fuck and no wind) so we're doing it probably friday instead (and saturday. and sunday. it's two weekends in a row of both days at 9am yayyyyy) but i just hope the weather is. better.

[talesmaniac89]

Charity Heist 2 - aka. The Bad Guns

A Supernatural Heist AU - Masterlist

Pairing: Hitter!Dean x Thief!Reader

Summary: The Singer & Winchester Retrieval Agency is the best group of con artists in the world. But even though Y/N can crack safes, scale buildings and infiltrate even the most secure locations, she still can't find a way to deal with her all consuming feelings for the group's greek god of a hitter; Dean Winchester. How will she handle their next big heist, when she's forced to get up close and personal with the man of her dreams?

Warnings: Idiots in love, smutty thoughts, a lot of swearing and a ton of bad jokes.

Watch the trailer here

A/N: This story is 50% jokes and 50% dirty thoughts. No deep angst, just fun and action! Inspired by the series Leverage.

Y/N = Your Name

Start Here - Next

“Do we really need Crowley for this Bobby?” Dean grumbled, leaning back in his chair and pinching the bridge of his nose. Green eyes locked on the speaker in a small pleading attempt to make the big boss change his mind. 

And his eyes weren’t the only pair to look pleadingly at the small inanimate speaker version of Bobby in the middle of the table, even if the big guy couldn’t see them. There wasn’t a single pleased expression around the table at the thought of him joining the operation, though Dean looked the most put off by the thought of bringing in the middle man, by far. 

Which was understandable. 

The last time you’d had to team up with Crowley, Dean had to go undercover, pretending to be one of Crowley’s goons. And the career criminal had taken full advantage of that fact. Strutting around acting like the two of them were the bestest of buds. Apparently dragging your hitter along for cocktails and karaoke in the middle of the damn job. 

Dean had, understandably, hated every second of it. And you had too. If only because, with him going undercover, it meant that he wasn’t around for you to secretly oogle during the day. 

Yeah… You were a lost cause when it came to Dean. You’d long since learned to deal with it.

“Unfortunately we do need ‘im. To get the files, we need to locate the safe. My man on the inside already told me where to find it, but we still need to get eyes on it. And luckily, there’s another Charity Fundraiser happening in two nights' time,” Bobby said, repeating words you’d already skimmed through in the case brief.

“Trouble is, this party’s clearly just a cover. Apparently, from what I’ve heard, the guest list is any FBI or CIA agent’s wet dream. Only the scum of the earth is invited. So, we need Crowley to get us in through the door,”

Ah, that sounded right up Crowley’s alley. He considered himself the king of the underworld after all. If anyone could get their grabby paws on an extra invite or two, it’d be him. 

Crowley... You didn’t know the guy’s last name. Actually you were pretty sure he didn’t have one. Like Madonna, or Beyonce… Or, hell, Castiel. Either way, he was your big bad, with a self-proclaimed bleeding heart. 

Though personally you liked to think he meant the british bleedin’ and not the idiom for being an actual caring human being. ‘Cause you doubted that was true, the caring part, as well as the human part. Actually, you doubted the whole “heart” part altogether. The bastard was a snake in a tailored suit. The type that’d sell his soul for some spare change, or most likely con someone else into selling theirs in his stead. Since you doubted he even had one to sell.

Still, he was useful. 

Especially in cases that had to do with the mob. Since he kind of was the mob, or at least some sort of side branch of it. Did mobs have side branches? Like banks? Eh, you never cared enough to ask.

The sharply dressed and infuriatingly sassy man could get you anything with a snap of his fingers. Any information or easy access to an underground party would just seemingly materialize like magic when you involved him. 

He called it acquisition. Most of the time you called it blackmail. 

Didn’t mean you wanted to work with him though. So you’d rather try to find any other way than bringing him in. Hell, you’d rather involve his scam artist of a mother than him. Rowena had done a hell of a good job pretending to be a witch back in the Las Vegas con after all. Even if she had tried to steal the personnel files you were after for herself and had nearly escalated the heist into a damned riot.

“How about we play this like Dallas?” You shot out, leafing through the pages of the manila folder looking for the magical solution to your Crowley-shaped problem. Sam’s folders always magically had all the answers, but unfortunately there was no highlighted section about your little “Crowley problem”, which left only one possible solution… Dallas. 

The Dallas case had let you bypass bringing in a middle man. Instead Dean had been able to pose as one. Through a carefully crafted identity featuring a ranch owner turned drug lord whose name, and only name, was already known in all the wrong circles. It wasn’t a perfect fit, but you could probably make it work for this case too, with the right faceless identity. Even if it wouldn’t involve Dean dressed like a cowboy again. 

Damn it, you really missed the Dallas case.

“Don’t we have any identities that can work for us?” You added when Dean straightened in his seat next to you, looking absolutely giddy at the thought of not having to team up with Crowley again. Forest eyes shining brightly as he threw you a boyish grin for the quick thinking. Though the same smile easily fell when Bobby spoke up over the phone.

“No can do (Y/N). In Dallas we had an easy in, as far as fake identities go. These guys don’t trust easily. We need a face, not just a name,” 

You could almost hear how much the big boss hated turning down a plan that didn’t involve a middle man. Bobby didn’t like Crowley any more than you did, and the more people were involved in a heist, the easier it was for something to go wrong. But you clearly needed an extra pair of hands for this once. 

Fuck. Screw that and the horse it rode in on. 

You really didn’t want to work with Crowley. That man always meant trouble. And you knew he’d stab you in the back the first chance he got. Still, it seemed there was no way around it. You needed him for Bobby’s plan to work. Sure, you could infiltrate Mafia Central with the right tools and blueprints. But without eyes on the safe to confirm where it was, it was risky. 

Especially since you needed to get the money, the drive and know which personnel to send the cops after at the same time. So, an early look at the safe, and some easy pickpocketing of some credit- and ID cards at the party, was your best bet for laying the groundwork. That way you could come back on any other day and crack the safe while Charlie handled the accounts and Bobby leaked their names and whereabouts.

So, though none of you actually wanted to work with him you had to. Damn it. 

You really missed Dallas. 

---

After just a tiny bit more grumbling, Dean had given Crowley a quick call. Since the devil of a man seemed inexplicably drawn to him. Probably because Dean’s mercenary background made him a perfect pawn for Crowley’s constant attempts at subduing the underworld. 

Taking care not to clue him in on anything big, he’d been promised a nice finder’s fee for helping out. Before Dean had hung up as quickly as humanly possible. 

Yet another reason you hated working with the Scottish born mobster. It always meant there’d be less money for the rest of you, the charities and any victims. Since Crowley did nothing for free. Everything was a deal when it involved him. One littered with infuriating riddles; offering little up front unless you paid him well enough. 

Sure, you were paid a pretty penny from the heists as well, even if you did some heists fully pro-bono. But he tended to take things to another level. If it had been physically possible, he would’ve probably asked you for your soul as payment. Though you doubted yours was even worth a Happy Meal after all your illegal dealings throughout the years.

You’d shuddered as you heard him across the speaker phone, grimacing at the phone like the totally grown up adult you were. But, with the right number of zeroes offered, he had easily agreed, even though you hadn’t given him much to go on. Past telling him you needed entry into a little shindig. He’d get the rest of the info face to face, where you could spot any tell that would let you know if he was scheming something. 

Who were you kidding? Crowley was always scheming something. Damn him and his damned schemes, deals and perfect suits. And his sass. He was snarkier than you, and you didn’t like it when you weren’t the snarkiest person in the room.

In short… You really didn’t like him. 

Which was why you were busy trying convincing Dean to help you rig a bomb to Crowley’s chair while you waited for him to arrive. After all, he was a bad guy, and you dealt with bad guys. Just, not usually in the ‘transactional’ sense. Which in this case, was exactly what was about to happen. 

“Just one little bomb?” Leaning against the war room table, you threw the gorgeous man a small conspiratory smile as you nodded towards the chair. Eyes bright as you sipped on your second cup of coffee that morning, since you needed more caffeine if you had to deal with that level of sass before noon. 

“Pretty please?” 

Batting your lashes at him didn’t seem to be working however. As the charming bastard only laughed at your suggestion, which, as always, did dirty things to your mind and body. The butterflies in your stomach doing somersaults as you were rewarded with a bright smile that made his forest green eyes crinkle. 

“I don’t think Bobby would take too kindly to you blowing up our base of operation just to teach Crowley a lesson (Y/N),” He chuckled, his deep voice traveling the length of your spine and nearly turning you into a puddle. All deep, spicy and smooth like whiskey. 

“I said one little bomb. Like a firecracker on speed. It’d sting like a son of a bitch, but it probably wouldn’t kill him,” You pouted, which only teased another loud laugh out of Dean as he leaned against the table next to you giving your shoulder a friendly nudge before he refocused on the case. His small smile was still in place as he opened Sam’s folder to read through the information once more.

Leaving you scowling into your cup of coffee and wishing you could replace it with something stronger, as your group of vigilante con artists were forced to make a deal with the devil.

---

With the right finder fee, big bad tended to move fast when summoned. 

So, there Crowley was, just a few hours later. A cup of coffee in his hand and lounging in a bomb-free chair like it was a throne. Like he owned your bunker. 

Ok, so maybe it wasn’t exactly your bunker, but it was the closest thing you’d ever had to a home. And you definitely had more claim to it than the ‘Snarky Scotsman™’ lounging infuriatingly across from you. 

You didn’t know how someone could lounge “infuriatingly”, but Crowley somehow managed to pull it off. Or maybe it was the lack of fireworks when he sat down, paired with his cocky smirk, that infuriated you. Either way, you were thoroughly vexed, and it hadn’t even been an hour.

You’d already caught him up on the details he needed to know for his role in the plan. And only what he needed to know. All in bullet pointed format with just the bare necessities of information. 

He didn’t even get a folder. Which had to mean Sammy really didn’t like him, even though you had to work the case together. 

“I might need some extra… Incentive, if you want me to help with this case,” Crowley drawled, one eyebrow lifted and his index and thumb rubbing together in the international gesture for ‘pay up or shut up’.

“These boys don’t play around after all,”

“So they’re bad guys, big deal… We handle bad guys all the time,” You whined, stretching your legs to allow yourself some movement and stop from going stir crazy in your chair. Your conversation with Crowley had already lasted long enough, and you just wanted the heist to get started. 

The bastards were bad, you stopped bad guys. When guys like Crowley got in the way it tended to make you a tiny bit antsy. 

“Bad? These guys are beyond bad pet…” He chuckled, a lazy smile thrown your way. You hated it when he used pet names for you instead of your actual name. That one wasn’t actually due to disliking the Scotsman; you just straight up hated nicknames and pet names. Always had, since your days acting like the organization’s thieving puppy… 

Your handler had been big on pet names. So they disgusted you. Unless of course they came from Dean. If they came from him they just made you all tingly like a teenager on a hormone high. 

“They’re ice cold, practically soulless… Demons,” Crowley added when you didn’t respond straight away. His voice dropped an octave as he winked at you from where he was lounging. Smirking as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, not even trying to hide how he was eyeing you up from across the table.

“If they’re demons you must be the devil,” You muttered, knowing your comeback was already late. 

You just couldn’t deal with Crowley. He enjoyed messing with you, and as much as you grumbled and groaned whenever you were forced to work with him, it wasn’t like you could actually act on it and knock him out. Bobby would not like you knocking out his contacts. And truth be told, a life in the shadows meant your comeback skills could use some work when dealing with flirtatious men like him.

You’d had to flirt on cases before, and even had a few boyfriends from time to time. But that was all work. The boyfriends were covers, and the flirting was a scam. When someone actually tried to hit on you, then you had no clue what to do.

The fact that you never knew how to bite back to Crowley’s slight flirtation probably made you an easy target too. Though you tried to stay in constant motion not to get hit. You’d never been good at dealing with his type, or flirty comments. You attributed it to being too kind to outright reject people, though somehow not too kind to punch ‘em in the face if they deserved it. 

Kindness wasn’t really a great trait for a world renowned thief of all things shiny and expensive. If there was such a thing as a thief job interview, you’d definitely put that on top of your “greatest weaknesses” list. Was there such a thing as thief job interviews? You hadn’t really looked at craigslist for work since… Ever. 

Focus. 

Damn it, your hyperactive brain just wanted to be anywhere else other than near the damned crime lord. Running off into imagined rambles as you rolled your eyes, in part at his flirting and in part at your own shitty comeback.

“Harsh love,” Crowley grinned back over his coffee cup. 

Next to you, Dean’s body was tense, green eyes dark and unwavering where they focused on Crowley, though under the table, his hand was brushing against yours as he clenched it into a white knuckled fist. Barely managing to keep his other palm still and flat on the table with nothing but a slight tremble betraying how he seemed ready to reach for one of his many weapons at a moment’s notice. 

He never liked dealing with Crowley, and he liked it even less when the man focused his attention on anyone in your little high tech scooby team. 

After all, Dean saw you all as family. And you personally thought you did a very good job at pretending that being treated like a sister by your crush didn’t sting like a son of a bitch. A fucking Oscar worthy performance if there ever was one.

“I’d say I’m more the devil’s right hand man if anything,” Crowley drawled on, ignoring Dean’s angry look as he kept his eyes on you. Somehow keeping his back straight even when faced with the angry eyes and clenched jaw of a man who could kill him in more ways than you could even dream to count.

“So, are you going to help us or waste our time?” Dean shot back. His voice low and deep like thunder as his lips curled around the words. Swallowing down more angry words, he reached for the gun in his shoulder holster instead. Your hitter always had a weapon, or three, on him. And hell, even if he didn’t, he was basically a walking, talking weapon with a black belt in… Pretty much everything, as far as you knew. 

Damn it, Dean was dangerous, sure. But those slightly narrowed dark eyes, that clenched jaw with a dusting of stubble and the way his muscles tensed and relaxed like flowing water under his tight black t-shirt was absolutely lethal. Your poor heart could barely keep up. The man was really a weapon..

In more ways than one.

“Ok, sure… You need an in to their next Charity fundraiser hoax to catch these guys right?” Crowley asked, clearly sensing that he’d pushed the joke too far. Yet, he still kept lounging in the chair, shooting you a small smirk, as if you were in on some joke together. 

After all… He knew you needed him to pull off the heist; which meant he was a little too relaxed in the knowledge that Dean couldn’t kill him. Or even punch his lights out. At least not until after the party.

“I can get you in and provide you with a cover as my guests, but max four of you. One of you will have to stay behind,”

“I’ll handle things from the outside, keep everything running smoothly,” Sam agreed before anyone else could offer. Which of course made Charlie turn a shade paler, if possible. She really was a cute little scaredy cat when it came to the field work portion of the job description.

“But, as I said… There’s the small issue of my fee,” 

Once more Crowley seemed intent on playing the Prince John to your Robin of Locksley. Sometimes you wished the damned guy was an actual demon instead of just a greedy person. 

Dean would’ve probably let you blow up a demon. 

“You’ll get your money. Just get us in and point us in the direction of the Al Capone rip-offs, we’ll do the rest,” Dean said as his green eyes left Crowley. Shifting his focus to the blueprints of the party venue that Charlie had gotten you earlier while you waited for big bad to show. Tapping a calloused finger against them as he wet his lips.

“Get the big honcho to agree to meet us and there might even be a bonus in it for ya,” He continued. Speaking more to the plans in front of him than to the crime boss across the table from you. Though, if Crowley found the lack of eye contact offensive, he didn’t let it show as he smiled one of those trademark cocky smiles of his.

“Ladies, Gentlemen… You have yourself a deal,” 

Leaning back in his chair, Crowley shot you another smirk as his hand slipped into the pocket of his expensive tailored suit with a touch of unnecessary flair. Before quickly reappearing with an invite to the event. 

Damn it, the man really did always know what you needed. 

“And of course… Better yet, a date with yours truly,” He added, unnecessarily in your mind, with a small wink in your direction that escaped Dean’s notice from where he was pouring over the blueprints.

So, your heist was finally going somewhere… 

Next point on the agenda; prepping for the Charity party. 

You needed to pick a dress that was easy enough to move in and possibly cut through laser systems in, without setting them off. Memorize your cover, just in case someone deemed you worthy of small talk. And calm down Charlie enough to help her get ready to infiltrate a den full of bloodsucking politicians and mobsters. 

Which meant you had your work cut out for you. 

Fun.

---

Start Here - Next

Charity Heist: @foxyjwls007 @seppys-return-to-madness @stoneyggirl2 @ladysparkles78 @twinkleinadiamondsky @tmb510 

Dean Winchester Tags: @ria132love @woodworthti666 @defenderrosetyler  @akshi8278 @justanotherwinchester @lyarr24 @torn-and-frayed @all-will-be-well-love @wearesuchstuff1 @thefridgeismybestie @adoptdontshoppets @starsandmidnightblue @screechingartisancashbailiff @septixtrash @punof-agun  @deandreamernp @justagirlinafandomworld @sexyvixen7 @justrealizedimmascifygurl @globetrotter28 @siospins2 @iprobablyshipit91 @mrsjenniferwinchester @leigh70

Forever tags will be added as reblogs

[pumpumdemsugah]

it was the not knowing the origins of 'say her name' (and the ensuing shitshow) that made it clear to me that these people don't interact with Black women, ever, or have any real regard for our experiences beyond the ways they try to co-opt them for their own purposes. it's not as though it isn't or hasn't been discussed out on the open on social media for years. and the thing is, not knowing is one thing. but the hateful way they respond once they do know is the sticking point for me.

These people have convinced themselves that " say her name " was some niche hashtag because God forbid they're ignorant crackers and the sun doesn't rise and set on what they know

I think that and the fact txttletale is also white and trans brings a nice little bow on what I've been saying about white trans women using Black women's suffering as a resource to talk about themselves and not really knowing or caring about history or literature. It's like how didn't you know but you're on Beyonce's internet finger wagging about leftist ideas ? I don't expect people to be activists or know everything but when you make it your business to tell people off about leftist concepts and accusing people of shit, people can criticise your nonsense.

The only way someone didn't see " say her name" during BLM is not having any Black women in your orbit

So of course txttletale is dumb enough to think lynching was an anti-rape tool and not white supremacy. Yes let's run with a lynch mobs justification for killing Black people as a good line of criticism. This isn't offensive and blocking anyone that points that out is leftism

Listen to Black women for these people means, never engaging in Black academic works but a sassy tweet is perfect. We aren't people that know more than them. The arrogance is crazy. My opening criticism was how what she said is racist and how.

I usually don't care if people are dumb but this is so cartoonishly racist and dumb and white "leftists" are getting worse and dumber

[cosmicalily]

nayeon - 'na' mini album review + ranking

'something' - when i heard the audio teaser for this, i was immediately SO excited. then when i heard the start of this song, i was even more excited. 'SAY MY NAME' who?? that guitar SCREAMS iconic y2k track. i love this genre for twice (see basics & rush) and i feel like the way this track was produced works SO well for the overall vibe of the album. liquid drum and bass (at least the very simple, dreamy style of it) has become almost a bit overdone in my opinion due to the newjeansification of kpop (not dealing with that here) but the use of the guitar in the background gives it that iconic y2k feeling similar to destiny's child and tlc. i think overall this is a really easy to listen to track, however i definitely did expect a little more from it after listening to the audio snippet. would've loved more of the nayeon rap because that's what i was most excited for!

'count it' - this is so dreamy, it reminds me a bit of 'wishing on you' from jihyo's solo album, which is one of my favs. i love a slow nayeon song that solely focuses on her super sweet, smooth vocals and i feel like it's nice to hear her lower voice for a change too, especially bc jyp absolutely makes her (and jihyo) work overtime with those high ass adlibs in their group songs. this was honestly everything i wanted from this song; slow, an easy listen, beautiful, minimal production that still doesn't feel boring or repetitive, and that ending was honestly my fave thing EVER! could listen to it on repeat, and most definitely will. it felt like the perfect outro song for this album too.

'magic' - that prechorus is SO delicious oh my god! nayeon and julie is literally giving the kpop version of every iconic collab in the 2010s between an insane vocalist and badass rapper (i'm thinking nikki minaj, ariana grande, iggy azalea before she got cancelled lol) however, i actually don't love the chorus as much as i was hoping! it definitely fits the vibe of the song but i feel like it didn't entirely live up to my expectations for it. of course, julie's vocals are absolutely insane, i'll never not go on about them, and nayeon absolutely ate! i feel like this track again matches the late 2000s vibes i'm getting from the album, with a little more this would have 110% been my favourite song.

'abcd' - NAYONCE WHO??? i'm actually not joking at all, this was absolutely what the kpop industry needed. that very typical young, teenager-y y2k concept has honestly been entirely overdone (yk what i'm talking about, every girl group and their mother's been a victim of it welp) so i'm SO GLAD that icons like kiss of life and now nayeon have decided to bring back mature y2k! we need trashy! we need camp! we need intense instrumentals and sassy raps and lyrics! pop was so cute and i adore it for her, but i love seeing the more adult concept for nayeon too, esp bc she's almost 30 now and i feel like she needed something a little more. this feels very very very much like crazy in love by beyonce, which kind of does unsettle me a little, it's not a bad thing but that song is VERY iconic so it feels like a very tricky song to try and replicate even when its done a bit differently, because there's always gonna be comparisons regardless and a song like that just cannot be outdone, no matter how iconic nayeon is. however, it's different to all the recent releases we've had in kpop so imma let it slide. also, i was VERY disappointed by the fact that this track, the TITLE TRACK, was less than three minutes. why tf are ALL of the bsides longer?? the math is not mathing. i was really hoping short song syndrome wouldn't hit 3rd gen kpop but apparently it has, which is actually so sucky. also i highkey hate jyp's promotion methods bc y'all did NOT need to spoil the entire chorus?? like i would've enjoyed this so much more if it was a suprise yk. that felt like a really dumb move especially when there wasn't even a super different crazy end chorus so that felt like a bad decision but oh well. solid title track, 9/10 (-2 for the shortness of the song and promotions). and final thoughts, i feel like jihyo also would've eaten this concept up. after seeing namoji perform 10 minutes, i've been needing them to do a song as a subunit and i feel like this would've fitted them as a trio SO well.

'halligalli' - she's cute, she's bubbly, but not too childish either. she JUST fits into this album's concept in my opinion, and it feels like the classic twice bside recipe (this isn't a bad thing, but it does sound like something i've heard before from twice and it fits into their discography well). however, sticking to the classics isn't a bad thing at all, often if you have all new genres an album can feel daunting and too diverted from the identity you felt the artist was originally showing. so i think this is a very safe but cute track. it'll go on my playlist, but i feel like she's a tiny bit forgettable.

'butterflies' - can someone explain to me why this wasn't on the 'im nayeon' album? because this SCREAMS that concept. it's super cute and very nayeon-esque, but i feel like it takes away from the more mature concept this album was leaning towards? it feels very teenage y2k lovesong, which is super cute, but this album was gearing more towards iconic y2k artists in their adult prime so i feel like this doesn't quite resonate with that. i'll definitely listen to it because it's a good track, but probably not in conjunction with the rest of the album since it doesn't fit my mental vibe for it lmao.

'heaven' - out of the two slow tracks, 'count it' was honestly my favourite. i think its also because this song was fully english and it felt like an overload of entirely english songs in this album, which is lowkey weird for me to say as an international fan, but it feels like twice is trying too hard to globalise its audience and is forgetting about their initial fanbase. like twice has been doing one english track in their albums for a bit now, but even the title track for this album was very english heavy and so were most of the bsides. three out of six bsides were english, and the others still have a lot of english lyrics. anyways, it just didn't stick out to me as much as the other songs, still very sweet and nice to listen to but not particularly outstanding in my eyes. it'll definitely end up on my playlist though!

let me know your opinions on this comeback. i personally adore this image for nayeon and think it was overall a solid album!

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

read your TS post and honestly just find it quite interesting that so many things you criticize when it comes to bts whether some members as people or artists...are all present in TS if not even more, and suddenly when it comes to this white woman that is an awful performer, write the same kind of dull repetitive music always clutching at the same topics, doesn't renew herself as an artist, is full of white feminism bullshit, and a chart obsessed person are all things you never seem to mention. Like the biased perspective when it comes to her is quiet something by all her fans.

Because I don't discuss Taylor Swift in this blog. This isn't a freaking Taylor Swift blog.

And also, because I don't care. She never promised anyone anything, she never set herself up as a role model or beacon for social injustices like BTS did. Taylor fans either aren't running up and down every known platform screaming how much of an activist she is the way armys do with BTS. Taylor isn't called BulletproofGirlz and her fans aren't called Adorable Representative M.C. For Youth. She never went from being Yes I'm the voice of the underdogs and the misunderstood to it being just a concept and god forsaken debut name.

You sound insufferable so I won't really reply to more than this and I won't look for the post myself, but there's actually a post where I make fun and criticize armys who were "disappointed" in BTS because they said something misogynistic or homophobic. I actually think it's on the verge of IDIOTIC to look for artists to stan/like only so you can bring up their "good deeds" and make yourself feel better. Because you're literally the only one cares about this online moral competition.

In that same post I said I don't care that BTS don't speak on feminism because they're not women, and because I have real people, local heroes to look up to.

In fact, the only time I ever mentioned being slightly disappointed that they didn't use a gay couple, was on the permission to dance MV. If anything, most if not all my posts are actually making fun of armys for believing BTS to be, and talking about them as if they were the biggest activists that ever lived. I don't even talk about them, I talk about the perception army has of them.

And if you're that Beyonce fan, let's not even go there. Link me to Beyonce's many acts supporting feminism. Representation is not enough, I mean donations or posts calling awareness to women's isuess. She doesn't write her own music, either, which is something I have repeatedly seen seen pjms/hive call out vkook for.

Also another thing Taylor never claimed to be: a performer. Everybody knows she's not a performer. She knows she's not a performer. She never promised people anything, so why would I expect her to put on a show? Why would I feel cheated and robbed if I went to her concert and she didn't do full choreography when I know she never did?

I don't think she's a bad songwriter at all, and even the moments when she is (because there are songs I don't like and songs I never listen to), I'm okay with it, too. I'm not a fan of people only to say "look at me I'm a fan of this person that makes me so much better than all of you". I've always liked her songs, and I still like them and I do think they're good. If you don't think so, I really don't give a fuck.. like seriously.

You know what, if you wouldn't have had the need to just argue for the sake or arguing, you would've seen me post an ask I have on drafts about her album where I specifically mention that I agree her sound is stale in this album. Because I do like people a lot and still have my own personality and opinions.

I've always liked her for her music, and I still like her music. If I criticize BTS is for things they used to do, but stopped doing. It's about things they used to be, but stopped being. If someone goes from making good music, to doing music I think it's terrible of course I'm going to have an opinion. I love Harry Styles' first two albums but think as it was is ugly and the whole album is terribly wrong - and I've said it. Like two tweeks ago I was here, sharing old BTS songs because I still think those songs are good. Why am I not allowed to say that at some point they started making bad music? Why amd I not allowed to say they used to do great coreographies and now they're all out of synch and dance poorly?? Taylor never did some of that and then stopped doing it, so what exactly am I going to call her out for?

"The things you never seem to mention" have you realized that I just don't discuss Taylor in this blog? Because it's not a Taylor blog, it really isn't deeper than that. We're only talking about her now because of her album, otherwise I've posted about her what - 5 times in the span of years???

I thought Jimin crying in MOTS concert online was kind of silly considering he was paying million dollars for rent at that time while many people were out of jobs. I can empathize with him and it was sad to see him cry because I'd been rooting for him to go on tour and do everything he wanted to do, because I like Jimin as a person and an artist - so I'm simply rooting for him. I can feel all that while simultaneously being aware of how privileged he was, and still is. And that his pain was bad, but when put in the context of the pandemic, his life wasn't on the line. Jimin himself said in an interview that he was thinking about how young he is and how much money he's earning and what to do with it. Not in an obnoxious, arrogant way but as a form of self-reflection. I respect that. He knows that he's got more money than the regular person, but he also goes through hard times mentally.

Jimin donates so much money every year and has been doing it for a long time - I think that's amazing and I share the posts that report on it because I really believe it's awesome and It's exactly what I would do if I had the money. I was particularly moved when he donated money to buy polio vaccines.

But I'm not asking him to do any of it. I'm not waking up every other thinking "I hope Jimin does some charity today so I can yap about it to losers on tumblr." It's simply not something I think about Jimin or ANYONE. If he does, it's good. If he doesn't, I'll still like him.

I bring this up to repeat something I've said about Jimin and BTS a million times: I don't pity them.

I don't pity Taylor either and I'm not asking anything from her.

Likewise, I'm able to read the lyrics "you wouldn't last a day in the asylum where they raised me" and know that it's just a lyric and giggle at the memes that make fun of that because she's lived a fairly awesome life. That's songwriting to you, btw. Not everything is literal.

I've never been interested in Taylor Swift's life, and I've spent literal years not knowing one single thing about it, but if she said "new music this friday" you bet I was going to be there, waiting for it. Same goes for Harry Styles and so many other people I listen to. And I've talked a dozen times about how I'm hoping it'll get to the point where I'll be able to be that kind of Jimin fan, as well. Where I don't care what he does or where he is, but I'll still be always curious to hear his new music.

[utilitycaster]

also here, have the "Imogen stays with the Hells" [aka Imogen Gives Up On Her Useless Mom] playlist (not a spotify link because I use my real name there but all songs are available on spotify should you wish to make a copy of it). It definitely follows a more traditional story arc than the twists of 3x51, but I think it's still apt, and more importantly it is good and I spent time on it.

Big God - Florence and the Machine

Logic of a Friend - Badly Drawn Boy

Wolf - First Aid Kit

Running up that Hill (A Deal with God)* - Kate Bush

I'm God - Clams Casino with Imogen Heap

Loose Change for the Boatman - King Charles

Help I'm Alive - Metric

Raise Hell - Dorothy

This is Why We Fight - The Decemberists

Daddy Lessons (ft. The Chicks) - Beyonce, The Chicks

God's Gonna Cut You Down - Dead Posey

Army of Me - Bjork

Sometimes I Still Feel the Bruise -Trembling Blue Stars

*1. this is the second Laura Character playlist on which I've put this song, which I did like before Stranger Things so do not @ me, and 2. I know the real song is about experiencing another gender but I did for a very long time think it was swapping places with god, and that does color how I think about it, and the focus here is much more about the like...broad themes of empathy and also gods, rather than Kate Bush's specific intent.

You may replace the Trembling Blue Stars original with the Mountain Goats cover if you so choose. You may not replace the Dead Posey version with the Johnny Cash version.

[freeworldallahexecutivembaclass]

Let's try for world peace and civilizing all people communities and neighborhoods and create a community of our self as one with the Kingdom of God a community of self thinking and living as one people living in Jesus Christ together as a people in righteous behavior being nice to people kind and caring you know how him and his family of people would live and love each other and that is how we should live from now on together as one people gods people and good people , just perpetual goodness and prospering in betterment for ourselves and cities . You should take a chapter from the books each book and live that chapter out model yourself after those chapters words and subjects that you learn from those books and become it in reality from now on because that is the best instructions and way to live , thank you for letting me help the people even those that fell by the wayside suffering from not knowing , not caring and not being loved like they are suppose to , thank you and I love you and I hope the best for you .

Get the books for free from the E Book downloader app on the google play stores app simply type in the author's name or book name and read the book for free or go all out and buy the books like I have my kindle accounts and Google playbook app is full with thousands of books on different subjects that is my cool my new cool and should be your new cool you should try it get back into reading and taking care of yourself . I challenge you to do that and grow and change your life from the knowledge that you learn .

Let me introduce the new cool our cool , read , learn and grow and have fun because God is in control now no more pain and darkness just light and better days for all people .

You gotta have a son or daughter of God mentality and get born again or change your life and live your life from God's family and not have a slave mentality have a son or daughter of God mentality and do not eat junk food of the mind and be into character building like Booker T Washington I love his books and don't forget to read get your hopes up Joyce Meyer , Be anxious for nothing Joyce Meyer , and watch Joel Osteen messages and not settle for less than greatness and be an eagle Christian and be strong , thank you I got the weekly message good luck to me .

The legion of voices and people that is using voodoo on me can go away from me is it Hip Hop and Hollywood the streets and the public they can go away from me so I could record my music and be a regular human being my second stage theaters all mines . I'm married to it and the mother play is Beyonce in front of me then me and Nicki behind me my sister and friend she told me to tell Joyce Meyer my teacher and pastor that I rap I do music and my content is pretty much like hers or Jay Z music and also my pastors and mom is on there the mother play show Joyce Meyer is in front of me and Victoria Osteen is behind me meaning no numbers , signs or symbols no distorting the word of god just keep it pure as God meant it for all humans , thank you and remember to put God first in your life and study those pastors work , tv shows and literature the 5 evictions is the 5 boroughs meaning I should leave I don't need permission to stay and it is toxic site the hood that is something to be ashamed about I run it now though New York City I'm king literally look around everything about me or the most it run itself by rotten men and women that I don't let lead my life never and never will call it integrity .

Major news

Another monument for me this time in my hometown Harlem New York City for finding the cure for HIV/AIDS that is what the statue symbolizing me finding the cure for HIV / AIDS and funny stuff it is on 135th street across from the Percy Sutton school and I laugh at the 32nd precinct now I found the cure for HIV / AIDS and I sponsor it get Cabenuva it will help you go undetected for HIV eliminating the chance of it developing into Aids the miracle has finally reached the general public and I sponsor it so forget the noise and take your medicine as prescribed so you grow up healthy and strong success is the best revenge guaranteed you heard it from me Cabenuva is that cure and I sponsor it thank you I'm honored for the privilege to help , thanks .

Congratulations to me I own my own hospital my own incubator in Brooklyn New York City Congratulations to me I'm the proud of owner of Brooklyn New York City Incubator my own hospital , I'm proud of myself now I'm happy for my incubator and all that I have achieved so far with it and I'm excited about my future prospects and the future looking forward .

Hey guys I do believe in these projects I'm just waking up and I woke up to me owning an Incubator my own biotechnology incubator in Brooklyn New York my billion dollars asset but part of that meant to get my personal life together so that is what I'm doing getting myself together . Good luck .

Yes I legalized weed Marijuana Gaunja whatever you call it , I'm the guy who legalized it .

And Found the cure for HIV / Aids about time thank you so much .

Thank you 😀 so much I'm honored .

So my track record is great I look forward to doing business with you and having fun creating these ventures and adventures in the future , hopefully I know I need it for my personal accomplishments , thanks .

[pilotheather]

OK god ep 2 since WHY would you DROP 2 EPISODES AT MIDNIGHT FUCK YOURSELF OTO HELL that little shit looks like eric remember eric from ep 1 ok i

henners get it together

guys we get it youre being fantastical this time roiund theres whimsy and theres horrors and theres sa CHRIST ON THE CHROSS

HENRY ARBINGER. HARBINGER?

RIGHT YEAH SURE FULL FUCKIJNG CAMP LETS GO FINE SURE

these effects can somenehep me

OKAY THE PIANO INTRO SLAY OR WHATEVER

boys do you want anything

WHYS THE BEATLES UJSUT THERE

RTHETES BEATLES YAOI IN MY FUCKING TV SHOW

whats the faces for that shit slaps my dog ive got a dog

musics shit innit

why is john lennon kinda beefy. was he like that for real. gets scared

SORRY IM LIKE KIND OF SO LIKE SO DETACHED FROM THE CORNBALL SHIT FOR REAL SORRY CAN WE CUT THE MUSIC AND JUST TALK TO THEM NORMALLY AGAIN LIKE I FEEL LIKE THIS SUDDEN SHIFT WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF IT JUST FELT MORE-

right ok but maestro is not... you know. it snot the master is it true

I WAS GOING TO SAY ARE THEY GOING TO EVEN MENTION THE YEAR IT IS

SUSAN MENTION IS INSANE?

MAYBE IT KILLED HER TOO? XD HEH HEH HEH

SORRY SUSAN

can i also say the Power Of Music is something im nevergoing to get as a person im just not musically inclined whatsoever i think i could hear nothing and not much would happen

THAT WAS THE GIGGLEEEEEE

WE'RE STICKING WITH THE GIGGGLEEEE SURE

TEEHEE

somewhere nearby ian and barbs are just vibing

wow. holy shit. the sonic screw driver doing some sonic shit. thats epic af

these pantomime fucking antics theyre behind you bitchhhhhhh

The Pantheon YEAHHH SUREE LETS GIVE EVERYTHING SOME DUMBASS NAME I LOVE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT YESSSSS THERES THE TOYMAKER THERES EVERYTHING WHO GIVE A FUCKKKKKKK

it ripped me in half i cant survive that again - HILARIOUS. SET THE PRECEDENT. SURE.

BEYONCE AND SAM FENDER IS FUCKING HILARIOUS SORRY BIG UP THE NORTH OR WHATEVER

> the world if the beatles did not have sex with each other

THE TOY MAKEER FUCKSSSSS??????

i dont know how i feel with the more abstract stuff i really dont i feel like it works once in a while but if the whole series is like this i dont know how i feel. i tjink it loses something. i cant say SHIT i know rtd loves that shit and its not at all the first time but look- JUST A SECOND OK- JUST.... A MOMENT PLEASE. i settled with rtd's like goofy teehee its the power of this but LOOK.

GRNATED I MEAN THERES ALWAYS SOME DORKY SHIT GOING ON I SHANT EVEN LIE

i do actually love jinx monsoons performance though

again with the pacing of this and it being so fast all the time and everything forcing itself to be a big bombastic moment im sat here thinking of the most impactful moments in doctor who like slow or BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE. I DONT KNOW. do you remember rose eating chips after nine sent her back. im just sort of imagining that scene with some insane score underpinning it and some big loud speech that everyone focusses on and listens to . it would not have fucking worked.

or like the slow, chill conversations between people. CAN WE JSUT HAVE THEM ABCK. PLEASE. JUST.

THE GMMMM. MUSIC BATTLE. SORRY I DI DLAUGH AT THEM LITERALLY JUST SAYING. MUSIC. BATTLE.

like again sorry im kind of tuning out at this point because again with it bbeing so abstract its sort of that vibe fo theres nothing im holding on to here like the toymaker worked in a sense its like youre kind of following that deterioration . i really do not rhink it works to sit in it constantly like this like can we

BEATLESS YAOIIIII CONQUERSSSS ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

hell yeah mystery box shit .

WAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

IS THIS A FUCKING OPPORTUNE MOMENT TO SAY IM DEATHLY ALLKERGIC TO MUSICALS SHUT UP ITS TOO MUCH NOW PLEASE HLEP ME SORRY IM