#BECAUSE HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR WAIFUS!?

[foethefirstexperiment]

The First Experiment is set in the Fallout Equestria universe, during the height of The Great War. It follows ponies from 5 ministries linked together in a group chat as part of a "morale building social experiment."

But something feels off, not everypony is telling the truth, and the true intentions of this experiment have yet to be revealed.

Don't be paranoid. Report suspicious ponies.

Fallout Equestria: The First Experiment is an EAST Corp Production. EAST Corp began as an audio drama production channel, splintering off from the failed Stable Tec Studios. Over the past five years we have produced Confessions of a Wasteland Pony, Terminal Secrets, The Wasteland Survival Guide, the documentary The Great Experiment, and the music of The Balefire Symphony.

HOLLIDAY VERMONT - Showrunner, Co-writer, art | https://www.tumblr.com/holliday-is-holligay

CINDER SCRIPT - Co-writer

LAPA - Art | https://www.tumblr.com/larasilvestris

ULYRITIRI - Art | https://www.furaffinity.net/journals/ulyritirri/

KRELLAK - Art | https://solaris-stane.tumblr.com/

There are a few ways you can support us! You can support any of the individual team members -- like the artists -- by commissioning them! They were commissioned for this project and were wonderful to work with! BIG RECOMMEND!

You can support me, Holliday Vermont, as showrunner, directly by donating at this link! I'm in-between jobs whilst I finish my publishing degree so any money would be greatly appreciated!

Or you can support EAST Corp Productions on Patreon, where the money primarily goes into our next projects, intead!

And if you've made it this far! Thank you so much!

[hydrachea]

I’ve always loved the dynamic between the ot3 we've had since 1.0 and with firefly joining the party it instantly became an ot4 for me lol so that's fun! Speaking of firefly infantilization, I absolutely agree with what you said and what’s sad is you know damn well that if the person inside SAM was a man people would’ve cared to explore the odd connection & parallels between “him” & blade beyond “dad & daughter 🥺” posting (not to mention the fact that she’s much older than him). And she literally told kafka to “stop playing with her food” in the jepella trailer. They're partners & equals, not a nuclear family 💀

It's the exact same for me! Well, except I started playing in 1.3, but don't worry about it. As soon as Firefly's identity as a Stellaron Hunter was leaked (wow that was a while ago now) I started waiting to see how they'd portray her relationship with the other three, since they all already had a great dynamic - and wow did 2.2 and 2.3 not disappoint. She joined the ot3 now ot4 easily!

Alas, infantilization is just the fandom fate of any short young looking woman with a man she's close to in her life. Over on Genshin's side, Sigewinne still largely gets treated as Wriothesley's daughter even though she literally saw him grow up and clearly acts like an adult. Nevermind that she, just like Firefly, is the much older one of the two. Just because Firefly actively tries to enjoy her short life in as many ways as she can experience instead of brooding 90% of the time like Blade doesn't automatically mean he's older or more mature... He's just depressed.

That said! There are people with very nice takes out there, even if they aren't directly ship. And since I too am very interested in the dynamic between Blade and Firefly, given their respective situations and wishes - have you seen this comic yet? Only part 1 is out and I don't know if the webnovel (fic?) it's based on exists in English, but just that part 1 is so nice.

[corfisers]

considering that i don't even go out of my way to read what people think it's baffling how many absolutely vile takes i've seen about hod. angela and binah get a lot of shit, gebura often gets reduced to dommy mommy killing machine with zero depth, tiph is a 2 for 1 deal because she happens to be a kid on top of being a female character, but with all of them i can at least tell why people hate and misunderstand them (different flavors of misogyny coupled with the lack of reading comprehension, the usual). hod tho? she's like a magnet for the worst misogynistic pieces of shit you'll accidentally see in a comments section while looking up something. it gets so bad that it circles back to being confusing. avid hod haters are a special type of guy to me, and i despise each and every one of them

[54bpm]

Twitter Lately: trans rights is closed forever because a white woman cried.

[gender-euphowrya]

honestly if i hadn't tried playing genshin myself back when it started being relevant i wouldn't even know what you Do in this game because all of the ads only showcase the character design and not the gameplay

[arc-misadventures]

Nora has a new game to torment her friends with because why not? And to give her favorite people a small break from FMK. The game: Would You Rather. Her first contestant/victim, Jaune. Because why not? He can do with a nice change of pace. He seems to almost expect Nora to ask FMK at this point. Gotta keep him on his toes ya know?

Jaune WYR: marry Tifa or Aerith from FF7?

Jaune: WYR

Nora: Hey, Jaune! I got a new game we can play!

Jaune: If it’s anything like, MFK, MFE, or BMI I will strap you to a chair, and make you watch dog movies.

Nora: How is that a threat?

Jaune: Sad dog movies where the dog may, or may not die in the end!

Nora: (Horrified gasp!)

Nora: You’re a monster!

Jaune: I am my monsters gatekeeper, Nora. Keep on pushing my buttons any further, and I will let them out to play~!

Nora: Ahhhhh?!!?!

Nora: WYR!

Jaune: Eh?

Nora: Would You Rather!

Jaune: Eh?

Nora: Would you rather marry, Tifa, or Aerith from FF7!

Jaune: …

Jaune: Haaa… Okay, listen up, Nora. I have never played, FF7, I’ve seen videos… well, it was more of a movie considering how many cutscenes there was in that remake they did. But, I barely know anything about FF7, and the characters in it.

Jaune: I know they’re both… terrorist, rebels? One of the two, they’re interchangeable. They’re involved in this weird love triangle with, Cloud. I think…?

Jaune: I know, Aerith is the flower girl who dies, and that made everyone sad… for some reason.

Jaune: And, I know, Tifa is the eye candy/waifu of the, Final Fantasy series… at least I think she is…? All because she has… did…? She has a big rack!

Jaune: And, there was that whole, Italian fiasco…

Nora: The what?

Jaune: I know the bare bones about the game! So I’m going to have to pick, Tifa!

Nora: Because of her boobs?

Jaune: Because of her big boobs!

Nora: Really? I thought you would make a more in depth, and well thought out choice.

Jaune: Nora, if you look at the pair from just from the character designs, you can choose between either the cute flower girl, or the hot brawler babe. Who do you choose?

Nora: What?! Kind of choice is that, flower girl, or brawler babe? How can you rationalize a choice like…?!

Jaune: Ruby is the cute flower girl, Yang is the hot brawler babe. Who would you rather?

Nora: …

Nora: Yang…

Jaune: Because of her boobs?

Nora: Because of her big boobs…

Jaune: Ha! Told you.

///

I do know the bare bones about the games. Never played them, and I don’t care for RPG’s. There’s no replay value to me.

[sena-shi]

Protector of Teyvat (a troll hell-bent on reviving everyone just for fun) P—2

Isekai’d reader who is hell-bent on reviving everyone using your cheat code as the protector of Teyvat. With great power comes great benefits! Teyvat population stonks

Note: asmoday is the unknown god, reader also grants gnosis and visions, isekai, slight sagau, op reader

Summary: You are just a regular human being living your best life on Earth, collecting husbandos and waifus in Genshin Impact when all of a sudden you were isekai'd to Teyvat, but not as a traveler, a creator, or an NPC. You were a very close friend of both Celestia and the Unknown God, who is known as the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles. You too, hold a very important position of the highest order because unbeknownst to the general populace, you are the Protector of Teyvat from the outside forces. And so imagine the Archon's faces when their dead friend suddenly came back to life just so they can accompany you together with Aether and Paimon on a journey to spit on the Celestia's face

Timeline in Teyvat when you got transmigrated: Before any wars happened. Zhongli is probably sucking on a dragon pacifier or something if that even exists.

Warning: curse words, slight ooc, lore flying over the ocean and going for a swim, author removed the lore from the irminsul so act like you know nothing of it, i'm putting the lore in the cheese grater

“T-The hilichurls… turned into humans?” Because of what she had just seen, Amber's eyes were completely expanded, and you could almost get the impression that she was on the verge of exploding any moment now.

You find yourself thinking that it is understandable. After all, raising someone from the dead isn't something that happens very often; in fact, not even archons are able to do it.

You chuckled and smiled sarcastically at the three people who were staring at you in complete and utter disbelief.

You stood there with your arms crossed as you looked over at the hilichurls that had been transformed into humans with confused expressions adorning their faces.

"Oh wow…" You said while putting on a show of ignorance regarding what had just taken place. "What a miracle it is that they have been brought back to life!" You delighted everyone by clapping your hands.

"P-Paimon was very certain that it was Y/N who brought them back to life just now..." Paimon mumbled something to herself as she scratched the top of her head.

“Hm? That is ridiculous. I just smacked them across the face with a fried egg, see?" You answered as you moved closer to the hilichurls that had been converted into humans by slapping their faces with a fried egg that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

And as a matter of fact, a noticeable improvement could be seen in the appearance of the other people's skin after the fried egg had been applied to their faces. They let out a sigh of disgust as they observed the yolk splattered all over their faces.

"Paimon had no idea that a fried egg was capable of doing that..."

Aether shook his head at the innocence of his traveling buddy. It was perfectly clear that you were making light of the situation. At least now he is aware that you were telling the truth when you stated that you allowed the Anemo Archon to have a seat in the seven.

“This—” Amber opened her mouth to speak while simultaneously covered her mouth with her palm in shock. "This is really incredible news! You are able to give them a second chance at life!"

"What caused them to become humans?" Aether questioned while frowning in confusion.

You gave a light hum as you brought your hand up to pet him on the top of his head. "Perhaps your sister knows the answer you're looking for.”

“Our benefactor…” As soon as you turned your attention to them, they started talking, and Aether made a low rumbling sound.

You gave them a sideways glance while turning your head to the side since you thought it was likely that they were bewildered by the situation. Their final recollections would be of fighting for their homeland just before the curse took full impact.

They all got on one knee in front of you, which caused you to raise an eyebrow.

"Ah-ah, there's no need to be grateful to me. You probably aren't aware of this, but I'm a very awful person.” You said with a playful tone.

The people around you gave you a disapproving shake of the head as they expressed their dissatisfaction. Who in the devil would even believe a statement like that after what you have done?

“We were in such a painful dream— we are gratefu—"

You made a huffing sound while crossing your arms. "I find it extremely unpleasant when people thank me or express gratitude in any form. You deserve to live, no? I was only performing my duties at the time."

"Paimon speculates that Y/N is simply not accustomed to being thanked at...?"

You let out a sigh and shook your head in a deliberate manner. You looked down at them and they immediately thanked whichever gods were responsible for allowing them the opportunity to finally take a good look at the face of the one who had helped them.

They feel as though fortune was on their side because a God gazed at them with such kindness in their eyes, despite the fact that they were literally citizens from a nation that does not worship any gods.

"How can we possibly repay you...?"

You cocked your head to the side and hummed to yourself while you started to think.

“Brace yourselves.” You spoke.

“Wha—?”

"Oh, wait, here, have this." You smiled broadly as a variety of visions comprising a range of elements appeared seemingly out of thin air.

They did nothing but blink in bewilderment as they held the small vision in their hands, looking like toddlers who had been given machine guns.

At this very moment, Amber was on the verge of passing out. Witnessing a group of individuals all at once getting their visions is unsettling to say the least. It feels even more wrong to breathe the same air as you!

Oh, my archons, her life is not a sufficient payment to be able to witness such a once-in-a-lifetime event!

 “Let’s all hang out once in awhile, hm? Don’t forget to say hello to Lulu for me!”

Aether raised a brow. Lulu?

With a wave of your hand, they vanished into thin air, and you sent them to a place where Lumine and the Abyss Order are currently staying.

To say that Lumine was horrified to the core when a group of humans suddenly appeared above the head of the abyss mage who was just talking to her would be an enormous understatement.

"Y-You can grant visions too!?" The scream that Paimon let out was so loud that it made you wince.

“Sorry!”

You indicated with a wave of your hand that everything was fine, and Paimon immediately let out a sigh of relief.

"Aether, do you know her, or is she a stranger?" Amber's lips were covered as she leaned in close to the man and mumbled something. In response, he gave a nod that conveyed something close to uncertainty.

You snorted as you extended your hand in front of Paimon and insisted that she give you, her hand. And as she did, a gnosis appeared in your hand.

"Oh, my dear archons!" Paimon reacted, fixating her gaze intently on the bright object that was floating directly above your palm.

"If we were to sell this, we could make a ton of Mora!"

“What—!?” Amber and Aether shouted at the same time.

You blinked and stroked your chin with your index finger as if you were considering what you had just heard. "If I remember correctly, there was a term for buy one and get one free. What if we double it?"

"No no no! Paimon is not even certain that there is a single person in Teyvat who can afford a gnosis! In addition to that, don't you think the other archons will feel uncomfortable about it?”

"Why should we worry about how they feel?" You huffed as you continued, "The one ruling Inazuma handed her gnosis to a friend, the one ruling Mondstadt doesn't even use it, and the one ruling Liyue will probably give up his gnosis in the near future.

"Well, if we're talking about the wealthiest individual in Teyvat right this minute..." You made a soft mumbling sound.

“Should we offer it for sale to the Tsaritsa? You smiled mischievously while cocking your head ever-so-slightly to the side.

As soon as you uttered that, an excruciating ringing sound immediately started up in your head. You gritted your teeth and squeezed one of your eyes shut.

“Y/N, are you okay?” You heard Aether’s worried voice.

"I thought we were each other's best friends! You should be aware that she wants a fight with me!” You can clearly hear Celestia nitpicking away inside of your head. As is her custom, she is highly dramatic.

“Well, it’s partly your fault that she wants to fight you.”

The three looked at you in surprise and astonishment as your choice of words came out of nowhere. To silence them, all you did was give them your whole attention while pressing a finger to your lips.

“Hmph…” You could hear her dejected voice.

“Oh hush, you have me. Just let them do their own thing for now.”

“Alright, but why are you selling a gnosis?”

"Creating a strategy for one's own survival is the first step toward leading a more fulfilling life," After having a good laugh, you promptly severed your connection with the Celestia before she could even begin to complain again.

“At least come visit us—!”

Oh, your closest friends and their overprotective tendencies when it comes to you. Why won't they just let you breathe and stop figuratively and physically clutching onto you for dear life?

"Your highness, who were you speaking with only a moment ago?" Amber stuttered, and for some reason, despite her outgoing nature, she found herself experiencing sudden feelings of shyness. I mean, really, how could you possibly hold that against her?

She hasn't even entertained the thought of speaking with an archon, and yet here she is having a conversation with someone who is significantly more powerful than the archons!

“Oh please, Y/N is fine,” you gave her a friendly smile and told her, “The Celestia is in full support of our business!”

They were all shocked beyond belief and let out a collective gasp.

As they imagined every people of Teyvat holding a gnosis, everyone in the room began to break out in a cold sweat at the back of their necks. You couldn't possibly be serious, could you? Surely you must have been joking. Right?

You met three new people along the way, and the four of you set off on a journey to the city that is known for its freedom. They all came to an agreement that the information on your identity and the incident with the hilichurls should not be shared with anybody else.

You trailed closely behind them, periodically turning your head to take in the beautiful surroundings and the people who belonged to your little archon.

“Let me officially introduce the city of wind, dandelions, and freedom— Travelers under the protection of the Knights of Favonius — Welcome to Mondstadt!” Amber grinned broadly as she placed her hand on her chest and cupped her other hand on her hip.

"O-Oh, not that her highness Y/N doesn't already know about Mondstadt...” Amber massaged the back of her head nervously as you made her blush with your laughter.

"I don't. I didn't have enough time to look into it, so I'm grateful for the introduction. Mm, the only figure of this nation that I am familiar with is the archon,” You were able to make her feel better with the words that you spoke, and now Amber can be seen beaming with happiness once more.

That, as well, is a blatant lie. You have completed so many commissions in this nation while you were still a player, so of course you are familiar with every nook and cranny of this city.

You didn't say anything while Amber and Paimon went into great length explaining things to Aether; the only thing you did was hum sometimes in reaction to what they were saying.

You were on the sidelines as Aether received his wind glider and put it through its trials for the first time, which resulted in a successful outcome.

Ha, that kid used to fly around with his very own set of wings before.

You swung your legs around gleefully as you sat precariously perched over the railings.

It is only a matter of time before the city is shrouded by ominous clouds and Dvalin makes another appearance. This means that you will be able to see your little floatie as well.

Aether descended toward Amber, who was standing there waiting for him once more, as the three of them observed that thick clouds and fog had begun to cover the skies above Mondstadt.

“The sky...” Amber uttered those words with a note of apprehension.

People immediately began fleeing to safer areas as Aether and Amber gazed up at you with worried expressions on their faces, as if pleading with you to take some action.

You only smiled at them before speaking the words, “The stormterror is absolutely adorable, no doubt about it, no?

“E—Eh!?” Your response caused Paimon to exclaim, and at that very moment, a wind tornado was closing in on them and ultimately launched Aether into the air.

You heaved a sigh as you stood up from the rails, your palm shining with some unknown power as a barrier began to enclose the city and prevent any harm from approaching.

You sighed again as you began to protect the citizens of the city. However, since you didn't make an effort to clear away the fog, everything will continue to be a mystery.

You cast your sight upward, in the direction of where Aether is floating in the air thanks to Venti's power, and the two people who were observing you followed your gaze in that direction.

"Don't worry, your highness! We will be all right!"

You couldn't help but laugh as you soared to the location of Aether, where you could sense Venti disguising as one of the thousand winds.

“I’m preventing your fall with the power of a thousand winds.”

“Oh? Little floatie came into rescue too?” You teased as the mysterious voice began stammering.

“L-Little floatie…?”

"Alright, alright, let's concentrate on this," You gave Aether a friendly smile while you ruffled his silky locks with your fingertips.

"Don't worry about a thing; little floatie will look after you."

Aether frowned, indicating that he found the idea quite unappealing. "How about you?"

You hummed as you sensed the wind from Venti moving closer to you as though it was also interested in you.

"I'm quite curious to find out if slapping a fried egg on the stormterror's blood clot will be of any assistance."

Aether's jaw dropped in disbelief. You’re still not done with the fried eggs!?

"Hey, what do you think of this idea, little floatie?"

The mysterious voice heaved a cough and mumbled, "Eh..."

After hearing their response, you rolled your eyes at them. They had a feeling that you wouldn't be speaking anytime soon, so Venti made the decision to explain how to make use of the power.

You were observing everything that was going on around Aether as he started to harness the power of the wind.

You made a few comments about how the wind power looked like a machine gun which made Venti cough multiple times to hide his laughter.

“Not enough. Do you want me to slap you with an almond tofu for an increased damage?”

“W—What?”

You didn't bother to wait for his approval before presenting him with the plate of almond tofu that magically emerged in your hands and then you gently slapped it in front of his face.

It was such a surprising thing that you could practically feel Venti shaking, which almost caused him to lose control of the wind. It was that shocking.

As Aether took the final shot, Dvalin let out a roar, and you swiftly flew over to the dragon, which appeared to be about to collapse as it was shaking in the wind.

Venti stayed only long enough to watch the softening of your eyes as you stared at the blood clot on the dragon's back. Aether slowly flew down to the area where the others are, but Venti did not leave.

He watched as your bright hands gently caressed the dark crystal, which immediately silenced the dragon's roaring.

You were reluctant to completely remove the blood clot because it was Venti and Aether's responsibility to do it. However, because you are so compassionate toward individuals who are suffering, all you did was relieve the discomfort that the dragon was experiencing.

It is completely up to destiny to decide whether or not the abyss mage will still be able to exert control over the dragon.

"Little floatie," You moved your attention to the wind that was swirling. "The traveler is known to be trustworthy. I have complete faith that you are aware of the next steps."

The strong wind has started to die down, and the only sound that can be heard out is a faint “thank you.”

You led the weakened dragon back to the ground, and as soon as the two of you landed, three abyss mages suddenly appeared. You grimaced when you realized that Lumine must have sent them to seek you out.

"Our gracious benefactor," An abyss mage started things off. "Our princess would want to offer her sincere gratitude to—"

You heaved a sigh as you frowned and crossed your arms while looking at them. "I believed that I conveyed to them that receiving gratitude is not something that I like in any way,"

“Uh… they may have mentioned that.”

You gave your temples a light massage as the headache began to set in and asked, "So why are you here?"

"We would like to make a request that you lend us a hand in the restoration of our once-thriving nation and in rescuing its people from the curse."

"Oh, I had already made preparations to carry out that task," You gave your response, and then proceeded to yawn.

If only they knew that your two friends were the cause of their fall, they probably wouldn't be as friendly with you as they are now if they knew that.

As they drifted closer to you, the abyss mages showed signs of happiness; however, when they heard your next words, "But not right now," their happiness quickly turned to disappointment, and they almost plummeted to the ground.

“But— why?”

"Of what use is a nation if it does not have its people?" As you lounged contentedly on Dvalin's back, a sluggish expression began to appear on your face.

“So…”

"If I happen to come across one of your own, you can rest assured that I will deliver them to your princess so that she may deal with them." You uttered those words in a languid manner while staring at them. "Focus on gathering your people, since your nation will not all of a sudden grow a foot and run anyways." 

"We are in all sincerity grateful for—"

“Hush.”

They abruptly stopped speaking once they were reminded that you do not enjoy receiving gratitude or hearing thank yous in any form.

You are truly a weird God— they think. But kind like their princess, nonetheless.

“Then we shall return.”

You made a careless motion with your hand, indicating for them to leave immediately.

“Tell your princess that she should at least pay a visit to her twin, and if she does that, maybe I'll feel more motivated to assist you.”

Your level of excitement and enthusiasm is to be expected, of course. The sooner they come to an understanding with one another, the sooner they will get the fuck out of Teyvat.

That means, you won't have any more job to do. On the other hand, you get the impression that it won't be all that simple.

Not with the looks that Aether was giving you, and not with Lumine's nature, which dictates that she won't stop until she pays back whoever helped her out.

Just hush and go, okay!? What is it that they have planned for the following step? Bring themselves to their knees and make a formal request for your hand in marriage? You let out a sigh as the thought crossed your mind.

In spite of the fact that you intended to rebuild the once-mighty nation, you wanted to execute it in private. There is no question in your mind that once they discovered who their benefactor is, then and only then will they revere that benefactor. What then will become of a nation that does not believe in God or even worship one?

The mages of the abyss remained silent for a short while as they observed various expressions adorning your face. It turned out to be quite comical. It's no surprise that their princess was so interested in interacting with you that she issued a command to find you.

They continued to observe you while you glared, huffed, and grimaced at the ground, and it wasn't until you frowned at them that they eventually left with a quiet "thank you."

You rolled your eyes. “What a bunch of brats.”

As soon as you arrived back in Mondstadt, you saw the three of them speaking to Kaeya. Although the fog has long since dissipated, the sky itself is still completely dark.

As you made your way slowly towards the folks who were introducing themselves, you waved your hand and the barrier vanished before your eyes. 

“This is Kaeya, our Cavalry Captain.” Amber carried on talking as if she had not noticed your presence and proceeded. “These two are travelers from afar, Aether and Paimon.”

Kaeya looked at the two individuals and gave a nod in acknowledgement. He then made direct eye contact with you and asked, "And who might this young lady possibly be?"

Amber's eyes widened as she shifted her gaze back and forth between Kaeya and you. Kaeya saw the outrider's expression, which seemed to indicate that she was at a loss for words regarding how to introduce you.

Your presence elevated the level of excitement that he felt towards everything.

“Oh, I’m Y/N. I sell visions and gnoses.” You responded with an expression on your face that was completely expressionless, and your voice was completely emotionless, which made the situation even more awkward and unbelievable.

The response that you gave seemed to take Kaeya completely by surprise. You? Selling visions? How in the devil is something like that ever feasible? And just what exactly are gnoses?

“Uh… haha…” Amber, at a complete loss for words, scratched the nape of her neck.

"Oh? I had no idea that lady Y/N is such a practical joker,” Even though Kaeya appeared to be laughing, there was not the slightest indication of humor in his voice.

"Uh-huh, you bet! Paimon is in agreement that Y/N has a tendency to joke around quite a bit!” In a frantic effort to salvage the situation, Paimon quickly nodded her head.

"Well, if you want to buy one, all you have to do is ask me..." You just said it while crossing your arms.

“Oh? I was wondering if you could sell me one then." It appeared as though Kaeya was making fun of you with his charming smile; in fact, it almost felt that way.

You seemed curious about something as you cocked your head to the side and then asked, "Don't you already have a vision though?"

"Well, having two would certainly make things more interesting, wouldn't you say?"

You took a moment to think about it before giving your approval with a nod. As you lifted your hands and opened your palms, visions of several elements, each glowing brightly, suddenly appeared.

Huh? He thought you were just joking the whole time!

It would be an understatement to say that Kaeya was caught off guard by the revelation. Are you a fraud? A magician perhaps? However, the visions you are holding exude such an overwhelming amount of power that it is difficult to even consider the possibility that they are a fake.

“Mm, you’re my first customer, so in appreciation of your patronage, I'll give you a discount if you buy Aether and Paimon a meal. Fair trade, don't you think?”

What fair trade? A simple meal in exchange for a vision? Do you not realize that visions are extraordinarily rare, and that the vast majority of people would give anything — including their lives — to receive one?

Of course you're aware of it; you're just messing with them for the sake of witnessing their reactions. It's likely that protecting Teyvat for thousands of years has had an effect on you, as seen by the fact that you're even doing this for no other reason than boredom.

Kaeya remained motionless in his stance; his eyes riveted on the bright visions that had no owner. After snapping out of his trance, he took off his cloak and wrapped it around you in a tender manner.

You made a sound that indicated that you were confused as he said, "Let's continue this conversation to our headquarters."

"Tch, I really need to bring Crepus back to life so that he can scold his children to death."

"Are you going to use fried eggs for that man too?" Paimon inquired, which caused Kaeya's surprise and horror to reach an even higher level.

Too? Does that mean that this wouldn't be your first time bringing someone back to life?

Now, Kaeya is positive that he wishes he could just pass out right there and then.

TAGLIST: @valeriele3 @lunarapple @meikoo

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[whoishotteranimepolls]

I've been waiting to respond since you made that post mocking us for wanting problematic characters banned from your polls because apparently you are not taking legitimate criticism of anime seriously. Because it is full of poor representation of minorities and lgbtq+ and you and all of your followers are laughing about it like it's nothing.

I will start with Yamato because everyone acts like one piece even though it's so full of misogyny. Having a trans character is amazing when I don't even think Yamato is actually trans. I'm pretty sure it's a translation error and everyone has latched on to it. So again that is not good representation if it's not confirmed representation and even if it was confirmed, it's not good representation. Yamato because of the one piece art style by default Yamato is full-blown a fetishization of trans people because all one piece characters if they are drawn, female presenting are drawn like sex dolls. So unless they go through an actual gender transition and not just a pronoun change. There cannot be good representation with Yamato because Yamato is a fetish, not a fully fleshed out character. I mean to boil it all down. I don't think the author is capable of having any good lgbtq+ representation one piece is just not a sophisticated enough story and the characters are just too shallow for that to be possible

Bleach did a similar thing with Yoruichi acting like it was so amazing to have a character of color and she is supposedly bisexual but she's just waifu bait and it reeks of misogyny and fetishization of BIPOC. She's a furry to top it all off. It doesn't help that the bunny chick from my hero is basically the new gen version of the same character, but at least she is disabled too. So at least they tried to do something with her character other than waifu bait

So I would like to know why every character I've seen promoted as great representation in anime for either the BIPOC or LGBTQ+ communities seem to only be horribly fetishized, useless, waifu bait. Not actually a good character.

And even when Japan is dealing with its own ethnic minorities and indigenous populations it still does a horrible job by playing into the Noble Savage stereotype Hollywood likes to play into. Have you not seen the anime Golden Kamuy? It's about Japan's own first Nations tribe and it's So disrespectful to that. I swear they could not have had a single person from Hokkaido, much less a member of the actual Ainu people involved in the creation of that anime or manga. And yet I've seen so many people brag about that anime and manga and how it's so good for diversity. When again, every single Ainu character acts like a bad native American stereotype from like a 1950s American Hollywood western. It's that bad and don't get me started on the fan service in that show. It's at a level that could be considered exploitative but it's okay. Some of the characters might be gay so it's representation. To top it all off it reinforces white colonial beauty standards because the main Ainu character is specially because she's half white and has blue eyes like her white dad and she talks about how she's going to be a new kind of better Ainu for the future because she's white passing. That show is a reductive racist dumpster fire and I can't believe anyone says otherwise.

But you said you won't ban characters unless the fandom becomes too toxic. But you really should consider looking out for the LGBTQ+ and BIPOC communities by not promoting toxic problematic characters and actually banning these toxic problematic characters and shows

Fandoms vs Illiteracy #1

Feel free to critique the essay but not the person nor the person's intelligence. Do not call names, degrade the person, or personally attack them in any way. The purpose of this series is to critique/analyze the arguments contained in the essays.

For those unfamiliar with the characters mentioned, here are pictures. The names are in the alt text.

And here's one of the promotional images for season 2 of Golden Kamuy

So now that everyone is a little bit more familiar with everything mentioned in the essay and knows the rules, feel free to do your own research and respond.

[honeydazai]

୨୧·࣭࣪̇˖ 𝆬  girl dad Chūya 𝆬 ·࣭࣪̇˖୨୧

Girl dad Chūya, who, the moment he learns he's having a little girl with you, is already overjoyed, coming up with names you both will hopefully like and thinking about how to furnish the future bedroom, how to best bond with her. 

Girl dad Chūya, who usually isn't prone to overthinking, though he can't help but worry about his future daughter — or daughters. While he'd like to protect her himself at all times, he knows that won't be possible, which is why he's quick to teach her some ways of self-defense. If she inherited his Ability, great; if not, he'll teach her some basic fight moves even if she has no actual interest in martial arts. It's for an important reason, after all. Really, he might just get her something a little more strong than pepper spray, too — just in case. 

Naturally, he'll defend her with his life as well; if anyone were to ever try and hurt you or her, he makes sure to get rid of them. 

Girl dad Chūya, who bonds easily with his daughter, no matter what her hobby is — if she's more into sports, perhaps soccer or even martial arts, that's amazing; he's not the best martial artist in the Port Mafia for nothing, and he'll gladly teach her how to get her movements to be extra crisp and sharp. If she's into fashion, that's great, too, given how he takes dressing himself properly seriously as well, and he won't hesitate to buy her whatever she sets her eyes on. He's got the necessary money, after all. Even if she's into art and books and other topics he himself isn't too interested in — not to say he's not fond of a good painting or novel; he just rarely finds the time to indulge in those kind of interest —, he makes sure to encourage her to be herself, to do what makes her happy, and often asks specific questions about the novel she's reading or the piece she's currently drawing to be as involved as possible. 

He doesn't mind sitting through three to four Barbie movies in a row; at one point, he even starts getting into them rather than just tolerating them, grimacing at the antagonists and cheering for Barbie and Ken, though he'll also recommend other films, especially ones that aren't stereotypically seen as girly and feminine. Just because she likes Barbie doesn't mean she can't also enjoy Jurassic Park or Star Wars, after all. 

Girl dad Chūya, who does absolutely anything to make sure his daughter is happy and safe; even though he's a strong and scary mafioso at day, his Ability terrifying and powerful, his rank as an executive intimidating, he won't shy away from painting his nails just to see his daughter giggle and to hold imaginary tea parties with her. God, if she wants to, he'll even squeeze himself into a frilly dress, a tiara on his head, matching the one on his daughter's, if only it makes her laugh. 

That's the most important thing, after all. He didn't have a particularly happy childhood himself, which is why he'll do his utmost to make sure her early years of life are as perfect as can be. 

this drabble was a commission!! thank you so much again!! 💜

tags: @irethepotato @beandaifuku , @the-foreigner , @ranpobb, @arixsux, @dei-lilxc , @atsyushi @satoruislove @pastelsbaby @marina-and-the-memes @texchou @shiggysredhead @savagemickey03 @rosepxtlz @nikolaiswife @okura-s @ladykatakuri @lunerenzo @berywritesstuff @xelia25 @yuuotosaka3 @double-black-dazai @alice0blog @fyodorstolenushanka @ttaiyaki @itsnovariella @black-rose-29 @fyodorscumsock @ayshaashaya @qxxstuff @serenareiss @atsvsh1 @dilucshandholder @reiikonee @1-800-mocha @xvocadooo @hexiisexii @cupxfcxffee @jodidann

@Happymoon16 @yumidepain @nchuuyahq @janeinerz @Aaronthegreatestsimp @fanfiction-waifu @KimxKiba @Morigumy @villainouspotential @ashthemadwriter @mrsdostoevsky @nikolaisgoofyahhhat @yeonwoomyheartbelongstoyou @hellgirlwhore @c4xcocoa @lyrstybsd @angelsrunes @wuaoqu @disa-ster @aspookyscaryghost @nikolaisboner @urgodmoon @polish-anon @arisu-chan4646 @eroscastle @somnobun @birbysaur @Senpaible @hyunlixie143 @dababyurmom @4nthonyyliving

@Chxrry-doll @brokeniced @nikolaisdove @dxwnstxr

[darkkbluee]

AU where Light keeps turning down everyone at To-Oh because he's already in a relationship. But no one believes him. No one has ever seen him with anyone on a date. He goes to all classes, helps at the NPA, no free time. His friends and family tell him to honestly tell them if he's single and just making stuff up to avoid dating.

Thing is, Light does have a boyfriend. A partner. It's L. Except he can't tell them because security reasons TM.

Sayu: "I'm talking about a real person, bro. Not some waifu character in a game."

Sachiko: "Bring them home, Light. I'll believe you then. Before that, have you met our neighbor's cousin Kaoru?"

----

Light: "You. You are booking a ticket to Japan this December." L: "But I like being Light-kun's secret online waifu."

[teyvatairconditioningco]

Part 2 of me screaming my head off

SPOILERS FOR 2.5

JINGYUAN IS RACIST, MORE AT 10

No but he's one of my favorite characters and one of the reasons is explicitly said BY HIM, when you live for hundreds of years, sometimes you're going to be a real piece of shit and if you're functionally immortal, you HAVE to grow and you HAVE to deal with the shitty person you've been.

Look I know they go hard with waifus for the paycheck but god damn they went hard with Feixiao and I love them for it. I fucking adore her. You can see her backstop coming, but who fucking cares. And "I never want to see this shit again" (paraphrasing) is great.

Hoolay was so fucking good. "Yeees, you brought me back from my 700 year imprisonment!!...... wait what the fuck do you mean you're so weak you had to bring back a 700 year old prisoner" Yes he was undeniably evil, but he still had his own primal "code" and I just think he was very well done (for someone who existed in 2 patches) okay

THIS was phenomenal. THIS fight kicked the SHIT out of me.

Oh Jiaoqiu. Oh, my darling. I got spoiled on this beforehand and I've never put my phone down so quickly. For like a split second earlier I was like NO. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF??? Sacrificing your vision is rough but I'm so glad he's alive. And I haven't seen anyone else mention this but he must have gotten a chunk taken out of him and drained of blood??? Like Hoolay was poisoned because he ATE part of him. Bro got CANNIBALIZED.

ANYWAY

Luocha has been carrying around Tayzzronth?? Or a fragment of them??

YOOOOOOOOOO THE DELIVERY OF THIS IN ENG WAS FUCKING GREAT.

I'M SO FUCKING HYPED TO SEE TINGYUN 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Although if Sunday is coming in that patch... sorry babes, I'll have to get you on the rerun.

[olderthannetfic]

Whenever I see the "there is no F/F content in fandoms, fandoms hate women" discussion on Tumblr, all I can think of is a phrase that is guaranteed to enrage half the Tumblr fandom audience, maybe more: "Have you tried imageboards?".

When I was younger, I used to frequent different anime and cartoon-themed imageboards. Big ones like 4Chan's /a/ and /co/, smaller ones meant for specific fandoms or kinks, non-English ones in my native language, you name it. The users were mostly straight men, and the F/F content and shipping flourished there. The "waifu threads" exclusively dedicated to gushing about female blorbos. The wast majority of kink content involving fictional women, either alone, with a nondescript self-insert man or with each other. The F/F fanart, fanfiction and ideas were just limitless, to the point where you would struggle to find one or two discussions about the guys in the midst of everyone celebrating the women.

The anime, cartoon or comic has a cast full of women? They will all get love. Women and men both? Women will generate much more discussion. One or two women amidst the cast full of men? People will mostly post about the two women, deal with it. Sure, there were designated boards and threads for the male characters, but good luck expecting there to be as much activity as there were in the waifu threads. The fandoms with lots of female characters, such as Touhou Project, thrived on these grounds, and much F/F shipping was had by everyone.

Now, of course, the imageboard culture is an entire separate beast. Right-leaning, edgy, bigoted - basically, what you get if you put a bunch of ostracized and lonely cishet male nerds in an echo chamber and let them feed each other bullshit all day long. A lot of the F/F art they made was sexual in nature, something that could be decried as sexualisation, but, the way I remember it, it was not much different from what is often done to male characters by straight women who ship M/M because they find the two dudes hot. A lot of gushing about waifus by the anonymous 4Chan dudes could be seen as misogynistic, despite the language being practically the same as when a Tumblr fandom girl is describing her blorboman and the things she wants to see done to him.

It all comes down to the the real life influencing the way we interact with fiction: male sexuality is viewed in a different light than female sexuality, despite both being more or less demonized in our society, just in different ways. Men are always predators, women are always victims. When a guy has sexual fantasies about a female character, he is a creep who wants to hurt real life women to enact these fantasies. When a woman has sexual fantasies about male characters, she cannot tell fiction from reality and is at risk of getting hurt by men while trying to enact these fantasies. And if either of them fantasizes about a same-sex couple, they are fetishizing queer people, obviously.

However, that's just how people roll - you cannot change what gender you are attracted to, and people with similar attractions stick together. It just so happens that the fandom side of Tumblr largely consists of straight women and queer men, so you get ships with guys, while the fandom side of 4Chan and the like largely consists of straight men, so you get ships with women. Both sides also happen to have cultures that don't mix well, and someone who frequents one place is likely to avoid the other.

I don't frequent 4Chan anymore, and I'm not big on fandom Tumblr, either, but Tumblr continues to be the unique place where I am more likely to stumble upon erotic fandom content featuring men than women, who are the majorly discussed and shipped characters practically everywhere else. I obviously do not excuse 4Chan's bigotry and rampant hateful bullshit, but my point still stands: if you want to see more F/F shipping and discussions of girl blorbos, but don't feel like making some yourself and creating a like-minded community on Tumblr, you should try your luck elsewhere on the Internet, especially when it comes to anime and cape comic fandoms. Tumblr is a unique place in terms of male-centric fandom content, and honestly, it's not that bad, if Tumblr isn't the only place you find your stuff at. It simply occupies a specific niche and doesn't offer much of everything else (though you can still find it if you look).

--

Now, be fair: plenty of imageboards are full of nominally straight guys who love millions of female blorbos... and art of Link getting wrecked.

[brunossan]

About Syir, from Pokemadhouse

TW: Mentions of R4pe and Abu53

If you follow me for a while, must have seen my Pokemadhouse rage about Syir The Gardevoir.

But unfortunally i never explained WHY i hate her so much and why my blood boils when i talk about her.

So, here is the big explanation, in topics.

1-So, who is Syir and what did she do?

Syir is a character from Poke Madhouse, a now deleted pokemon comic made by Lily and Mikaila Orchard that talks about a pokemon world and the lives of their ocs and their pokemon in a house.

In this world Gardevoirs are the most dangerous and powerful species of pokemon, and Syir is a Female Gardevoir whose trainer is nothless than Diantha, The Kalos Champion.

And not only that, she and Diantha are implied on being in a relationship, wich in Poke Madhouse world is seen as the worst crime a person can do, even if its consensual. Gardevoirs are the biggest victims in this, as Lily even said People call them "The Waifu Pokemon", and doesnt help they do a thing called Mating Bond, where they use their psych powers to fuse their lives together.

And in this case, if you think they have a very good relationship...

ITS NOT WHAT HAPPENS HERE.

Diantha in the comics is coerced by her Gardevoir into sexual relationships, even using her psych powers to rape her. And she cant escape or cut the bond, as Syir use it to control and track her, like a leash. Also, Syir kills anyone who discovers about the True nature of their relationship, and its implied in some comics that everyone knows the nature of their relationship but dont do anything in fear of getting killed next.

2-Why no one tried to stop her?

A thing from Poke Madhouse is that Gardevoirs are in risk of extinction and have very short lifespans because of excessive breeding to get perfect Gardevoirs and shinies (Basically Lily dissing People who do this). So they are an endangered species. Also, this was Lily decision, without any reason besides "why not?"

There were at least 3 People who gave reasonable plans to defeat her. Poison, Guns, attack with pokemons with type advantage. All good and reasonable things within pokemon universe. However, all Lily answered them was a meme.

This meme

Basically, the answer to everyone wanting to defeat Syir. Literally a "You cant" in form of a bad meme.

Lily says that Syir is too powerful and evil to be defeated, to the point there's nothing anyone can do. Even G and C!Lily couldnt. Hell even Bonnie cant stop her, lily said that if they met Bonnie would cry and hide.

Actually, this will be the final topic, the reason i hate her.

3-Snitches get Stitches

In 2020, Lily added a thing in Madhouse wikia Page of Syir, currently deleted by her. She added a small lore info about Diantha and Syir.

Diantha one day managed to escape Syir and tried to find Help on the last person who tried to stop her Gardevoir: C!Lily.

C!Lily was an enforcer, a kind of pokemon cop, who really tried to stop Syir. However, Syir almost murdered both her and G, wich made C!Lily abandon all investigation she made, and made her terrified of Syir.

Diantha begged her for help, to find a way to save her. But C!Lily didnt wanted to help, because Syir threatened to kill everyone who she loved if she tried anything.

So what C!Lily did?

She gave Diantha back to Syir.

She GAVE. AN ABUSE VICTIM. BACK TO ITS ABUSER.

Now you get it why i feel so much hate towards her?

I dont care about any drama of hers, i cant EXCUSE THAT SHE WROTE SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND WANTS ME TO LIKE HER CHARACTERS.

TO LIKE G, C!LILY OR ANYONE ELSE.

She May have deleted the original pages and only left the nuke attack she gave to Syir.

But i will never forget what she did.

And i will never forgive.

[logo-comics]

Hi! What do you think about that moment in LN 9 of My Next Life as a Villainess where Catarina considers staying in Ocean Harbor Town if Maria did?

This one:

As a Marikata shipper I was really happy at first because it meant that Catarina wanted to stay at Maria's side as much as Maria wanted to stay at hers. However I also think it was a mistake. Both in the sense that the author accidentally added something that implies Catarina values being close to Maria more than the rest of her loved ones, which clearly isn't his intention considering the rest of his writing, and in the sense that it makes Catarina have a very glaring case of favoritism that doesn't really suit her.

She has known the rest of her friends plus Anne and Keith for a decade (and her parents for all her life considering she's the OG Catarina who got extra memories at 8 and diverged paths) while she's only known Maria for 3 years at that point. Even with romantic feelings it seems a little unbelievable that there wouldn't be a "but my family and other friends".

Part of me wonders if it's meant to represent the usual part of graduating and being an adult? (which would be kinda sad but that's something I could get behind) Like, she already sees her early friend group way less since she got her job so she's used to them not being there as much and leaving the parents' house is seen as the norm in many cultures too. Also there's the fact of finding something she could do instead of being a noble which, aside from the great quantity sweets, doesn't appeal to her. Besides she'd be following someone she really likes, which, also something people usually do.

So uh, what do you think?

I think that while you can chalk some of it up to her blatant infatuation with Maria and the general idea of moving out when one grows up that she'd get more of from her past life than her current life, it can be chalked up a bit more to the fact that Katarina has spent the ten years she's known everyone else wondering which of them is going to be the one that leads to her death/banishment.

While we don't know how much, there is a part of Katarina that definitely hasn't fully let go of the thought that those she loves could one day wish to be rid of her. Even with the confessions of certain members of the harem, Katarina doesn't have that full faith in them.

Maria, in contrast, aside from being her "waifu," is someone who she knows likes her, even if she doesn't understand the nature of that manner of care. Maria in the game is also not the one directly responsible for what happens to Katarina in the original game's endings. Maria is safe to her eyes. Sophia and Mary are tied to Nicol and Alan, and we can safely assume that the characters are tied to the trial scene, given that she didn't seem surprised to see them at the trial. Maria refusing to condemn her there, even more than the others standing up for her, probably had way more pull to her than the others.

Now, let's consider the testimonies in the trial, themselves. There are exactly two members of the original game cast harem that don't call her an idiot in that scene. To his credit, Geordo is one of them. Even Sophia, with whom Katarina regularly holds book clubs, and Mary, who Katarina discusses gardening tips with, both directly state that she is not smart enough to bully Maria. In a move that makes me think he actually could be a good king, Geordo, however, legitimately reviews the "evidence" the other girls had and notes that it's circumstantial at best. He does not, however, say anything about Katarina as a person.

In contrast, Maria is the only person to note upon Katarina as a person being too kind to do such a thing.

Despite her inability to notice people are in love with her, Katarina is, in point of fact, extraordinarily observant of people. The author does seem to have lessened her ability to plot to an extent, but that particular aspect is very much still a part of her, as shown by the fact that she knew that Larna Smith and Suzanna Randall were the same person despite how masterful Suzanna is at disguise. Notably, however, she can misinterpret things if she's looking at it through her lens of "I am a villainess." For example, the aforementioned obliviousness when it comes to her romantic prospects.

Katarina also has a significantly better memory than the most tend to give her credit for.

From all of this, while she can accept that her friends care for her, to her eyes, she is still The Villainess Katarina Claes, and they clearly don't think that highly of her if they think she's just too stupid to bully Maria. Combine that with how her mother will chastise her for not being ladylike and critiquing her actions, something born from love but something that clearly distresses Katarina and makes her feel that she's less than worthy of her lot in life.

In essence, Katarina sees everyone who has been around her for ten years as viewing her as stupid and her mother as loving her, but not particularly liking her. She might have experienced the confessions of Keith and Geordo, but those are simply things that happened (the Keith confession is a completely different, disgusting can of worms), and there's almost definitely a part of her that still hasn't accepted that they won't discard her. Contrast that with how she immediately starts listing people that she feels would be sad if Maria was gone.

Simply put, Katarina views herself as someone who could pull up her stakes and go with next to no fuss from most of the people in her life. With that in mind, of course she'd be willing to uproot her whole life to be with Maria, whose first thought about her in that defining moment of their lives was to call her kind, who is willing to fight dark mages for Katarina's sake despite her fear, who was willing to tutor her and wanted to join the Ministry to be by her side.

Why wouldn't Katarina be willing to run away with the girl who unequivocally told her that she wants her in her life forever?

[imintoomanyfandomscuzihaveadhd]

Random ass spider headcanons that are in my maladaptive daydream

Warning: Not proof read, Cussing, probably OOC, acro ace kiri, mentions of AOT,

First and foremost FUCK HIS FOSTER FAMILY UNCLE NORM RAISED SPIDER 😤

His pain tolerance is through the roof. Like he fell out of a tree and was confused on why Lo’ak was freaking out, he looked down and was like “oh my leg’s broke”

He also like never gets sick but when he does it’s bad

Poor baby got abandonment and anger issues 😭

Probably projecting but he’s got ADHD. It was worse when he was little but he still has his hyper manic episodes

This boy radiates so much heat it’s not even funny

HE CAN SING 😩 AND PLAY THE GUITAR 😫

However he can’t dance worth shit💀 all he can do is a awkward shuffle

Projecting (again) but he tries to take care of his hair but gives up really easily. Like he will have a solid hair routine for like a week and just forgets about it instantly

subconsciously brings samples back to the lab.

This poor boy is touch starved please give him a hug

Most of the young Na’vi kids love him despite their parents distaste

Secretly watches his parents video diaries but pretends like he never wants to see them especially his dads

Him and norm watch old anime and superhero movies that was saved on drives

His hair grows hella fast

He’s a very fast learner

He knows Spanish definitely can and will cuss anybody who doesn’t understand it out

Lyle: “SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE’S SAYING I DONT SPEAK TACO BELL”

Lopez:😭🤣

Has crazy ass sleepwalking spells. Like everyone in the lab literally couldn’t find him. Norm decided he would go avatar to look for spider outside and spider was dead ass asleep in the pod💀

He also sleeps like a rock like the whole lab could get blown away and he would still be sleeping

Morning boi. Like why is he up at 5:30am eating breakfast watching old Pokémon reruns on a Wednesday 🤨

His room is a disaster

Steals avatar/recom clothes

Norm: “Spider, give me back my shirt it’s like 6x your size”

Spider, who looks like a toddler cuz the shirt is so big: “So? You just jealous I look hotter than you in it🙄”

I feel like there’s random period where spider will just wonder off into the forest when he’s not feeling mentally well. And it’s ok because he got the ewya armor

Like he’s found his own secret caves and groves to go to when he’s upset or just wants to be alone

Him and loak once stole the Navi equivalent to alcohol, got drunk and Jake beat their ass

Helps teach Navi kids English

Him, loak, kiri, havin waifu talk after spider showed them the wonderful world of anime

Lo’ak: “historia is top tier”

Spider: “man fuck historia have you seen ANNIE AND MIKASA 😩”What can I say man loves him a strong woman

Kiri: “acro ace vibing with hange”

Boy’s oblivious as hell

omeone will flirt with him and 3 day later while he’s chilling in the lab he’ll go: “HOLY SHIT……THEY WERE FLIRTING WITH ME-”

The waifu one was based off these videos here

@hyperfixatedfandomer @naavispider @today-or-tumble

[mallardducksaysquack]

Aaaaaaaand the multifandom captor poll results are in!!!

Let’s analyse them one by one before we head out to our designated basements ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(obviously, major spoilers for Slow Damage, Sweet Pool, Togainu no Chi, Boyfriend to Death and Manakashi no Yuri wa Akaku Somaru as well as descriptions of extreme violence)

(if you are a minor and somehow came across this post, please do NOT proceed)

I recalculated the percentages after excluding the “see answers” votes. Enjoy the MS Excel conditional formatting I had learnt for all the jobs I didn’t get.

Here's the sorted ranking with recalculated percentages:

Let’s now go through the ranking from last to first place.

8. Yuuko (Manakashi no Yuri wa Akaku Somaru) - 0% (0 votes)

No one voted for Yuuko. Very good. FUCK YUUKO.

The snuff-to-necrophilia skullfucking scene might as well have been the vilest shit I have ever seen in my life. I literally had to look away from the screen while censoring this screenshot.

6/7. (tie) - Masami Toono (Slow Damage), Manami Kanzaki (Manakashi no Yuri wa Akaku Somaru) - 2.6% (3 votes)

While I didn’t end up voting for Toono, I actually seriously considered choosing him (alongside Madarame and Taku).

To the three people who did vote for him – you got the ugliest waifu. But hey! You now live in a villa! All of your orifices are safe! Congrats!

Barely anyone has played Manakashi, so I'm positively surprised to see that a couple of Manami enjoyers have showed up.

She might seem very sadistic, but in fact she’s just a pure maiden who will do anything and everything in the name of love. And no matter whether you’ll get choked until you end up in a vegetative state or let her amputate all your limbs with a chainsaw, you’ll always have the pleasure to marry her in the end, or at least have her start planning your wedding. Long live the bride and bride!

4/5. (tie) - Strade (Boyfriend to Death), Zenya Okinaga (Sweet Pool) - 8.6% (10 votes)

Looks like the Strade voters want the hammer AND the drill.

I couldn’t understand why anyone would vote for him considering such a low chance of survival until I saw @pesikoshka reblog the poll with a tag saying “strade because he would kill me fast lmao”. Seems like the fast imminent death was in fact an effective selling point!

Genuinely trying to figure out whether the ten of you are such hardcore Zenya simps or just haven’t played the other games. Getting fucked and forced to give birth in a basement until the end of my life does not seem very appealing to me, but I mean, you do you, I guess? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. Kei Madarame (Slow Damage) - 14.7% (17 votes)

My personal choice – at least at the time of voting. Sure, he’ll beat the shit out of me, but at least he’ll also grant me relative freedom? I swear I did not vote for Madarame just because I’m so horny for him. This is not a waifu contest. I just like the idea of not spending the rest of my life in a basement.

@mahnati I saw your tags

and let me just say… “as it should have been”. But the nation has spoken, and we have to accept the verdict.

2. Shiki (Togainu no Chi) - 19% (20 votes)

Voting for him has never once crossed my mind. I think I must have been blinded by the fact that I don’t like him. I played TnC about 13 years ago, so my memory is very fuzzy, but I guess you were right about him being a relatively safe option?

1. Taku Murase (Slow Damage) - 44% (51 votes)

What a landslide victory! While I did not end up voting for Taku myself, I truly approve of your choice. After all, he is the literal only character on this list who doesn’t want to hurt you. He’s keeping you imprisoned for your own good. It’s just his lil silly way to protect you ;> It’s time for you to become a guinea pig for his drug research. Enjoy spending the rest of your days in Taku's basement, making sweet love while picking at each other's skin, so that the hallucinatory bugs crawling underneath it can emerge as beautiful butterflies.

That's all for today. Assembly dissolved.

Now go to your basement.

See you never ~ヾ(＾∇＾)

(unless you've voted for Madarame or Shiki - in this case we might bump into each other while roaming around some dilapidated squats and maybe pick a fight)