#BC NOW I'M SCARED TO DRINK IT AND IF I GET HIGH ALONE AGAIN I'M GONNA FIXATE ON IT AND PROBABLY HAVE A STRESS DREAM ABOUT IT.

[mashmouths]

may or may have just drank glass and also plastic. unsure and i have no way of verifying besides the dread building in my chest and also the flavor i'm convinced is plastic. if i suddenly stop posting it's been nice knowing you all <3

[marnz]

2023 review

an extremely long post re: thoughts on this year

2023 was an extremely weird and fun year of a lot of personal growth! Late last year I had to take leave from work due to some health issues originating from burn out, and going into this year I was extremely nervous about returning to work. I was also determined to do more events and activities this year, which was my ~covid resolution~. And this year turned out to be way different from anything I could have imagined! Not only was returning to work successful, I could quickly tell that the time I took off was instrumental to my health going forward. The skills and perspective shift I practiced and worked on quickly proved themselves to be really important and I felt much better in just about every situation with them on board. I don't want to pretend that this year wasn't difficult--it was, it was stressful and full of a lot of hard work and uncertainty because I did a lot of stuff I had never done before, and tried a lot of new things, and also tried to make some decisions regarding my future. But all of that growth led to some really good things, which I wanted to document.

Good things:

got my driver's license

started doing yoga, which has been great for stress relief. now at the point where I have started to do it independently instead of relying on a class

got back into knitting and knit my first sweater!

saw several shows this year! and I went to a lot of them with friends

befriended some people at work! I always find it challenging to make the leap from work-friend to friend, but turns out going to concerts with people makes that happen. This is also nice bc a lot of my local friends have moved away due to cost of living

made a lot of training progress with Piper. Walking her is so much easier & enjoyable now, and I think our relationship has gotten even better. This has been a multi year project.

read 63 books this year, 13 more than last year. Audiobooks have been a life saver, and reading didn't feel like a chore the way it did at the end of last year.

returned to work successfully, started working on cool projects at work, and have gotten some recognition for it!

went to europe! on a sort of delayed honeymoon

wrote a couple more short stories and worked on original long term fiction a bunch

spent more time kayaking! and more time outside in general, hiking, walking piper, running, etc

got elected VP of the union and became a shop steward, which has been both very rewarding and very challenging

set clear financial goals that I am making progress towards

started being able to eat eggs again! not sure how this happened but it's been a life saver. thank you, immune system.

survived getting covid 😩

started adderall and oh my god....a game changer.

got better at setting boundaries

next year, I would like to work on:

becoming a morning person! I used to be a morning person and then when I got really depressed I lost that power. I know it's possible for me if I take the right steps. I've already started working on it because i'm a masochist

running. I hear it's so good for stress relief and it is so common in my field, plus it is a more attainable form of outside time than hiking (requires driving long distances, waiting for weekend, etc) or kayaking (seasonal, requires buying kayaks, waiting for weekend). my psych also told me that apparently exercise helps stabilize mood and adhd! two things i could def benefit from. i started running today and uhh we'll see how it goes lol. also, i don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't use substances of any kind, give me that fucking runner's high

driving more. driver's license or no, driving still scares me! i want to get to the point where I feel comfortable driving long distances alone, such as being able to take someone to the airport if the train isn't running

continuing big projects at work. honestly I am still considering law school and these projects will give me the chance to think deeply about whether complex litigation is for me.

writing. to be honest, while I still think about my writing projects almost daily, writing just isn't a priority right now. And that's fine. I want to give myself some space and time. i would not have been able to say this a year ago...

using my phone less! something I've noticed is that my phone sometimes makes me feel pretty agitated or i feel overwhelmed by notifications? and that I am happier and able to focus better if my phone is in the other room. for example, when i take a bath I typically put my phone in another room and then i am able to read for hours. I would like to work on this.

continuing creative hobbies. such as knitting, doing more wood working, learning how to sew, etc. brain feel good...

moving & creating a home. we are moving early in the new year, which I am stressed about, but I'm also really excited because it will be a great new space and the location is really, really good. i want to work on making sure this place is as cozy and happy as possible, and also set it up so we can host guests so loved ones can come visit more easily

continuing to build a wardrobe i am happy with! I think I have written before that a lot of my work clothes make me feel like I'm wearing drag, and I'd like to fix that and also continue to knit myself customized pieces I love. like, a sweater vest to wear with a white button down, etc. gender wise i am just vibing but I like menswear more and I would like to continue exploring that

this year I have spent more time talking with my dad and my partner about the future, and while I am still considering law school everyone, including me, is worried about my health w/r/t that, let alone financial shit. my thoughts on this are...I need to have a solid stress management infrastructure in place to be a happy person, regardless of what I do in the future. Knitting & yoga & taking Piper on very long walks daily, plus having stuff to look forward to (shows), has really helped me this year, so I would like to continue exploring that.

as far as work...well I would like it to dictate my life less. right now I'm working from home (office is being remodeled) and I feel like the most boring person alive because I am just. home all the time. I do find work novel because last year I was doing high stress complex litigation and absolutely falling apart over it and this year I'm so chill while doing the same sort of thing. mainly because I have spent so many hours building stress management processes, working on perfectionism, getting perspective, and i've recovered from burn out. game fucking changer! my workload is way too high really high right now, which I don't love, and I keep being put in extremely challenging situations! but that's okay.

anyway. I don't want to misrepresent my life and claim it was exclusively wins this year...there were some really difficult months. December in particular has been so hard. but I'm really happy that I tried so much new stuff this year and I'm excited for 2024.

sending love to y'all! <3

[labradorite-princess]

I agreed to go and now I am freaking out.

My therapist told me it's my family who needs to make it up me and not the other way around. And that I do not need to put up with their disrespect anymore. I can just walk away if they start any of their bullshit. But I'm still so scared. I feel like the sad little girl who was mistreated all those years and spent nights crying in her room alone.

I agreed to go bc I want to show support for my cousin and his future wife. He's been nothing but nice to me my whole life. I've never had any issues with him. The issues are with most of my aunts and uncles and my older cousins. I want him to know I'm happy for him. And I want his future wife to know I'm on her side. My dad's side of the family can be summed up as "we're better than you because we're Catholic and we will look down on you because of this." I'm worried how the rest of the family will treat her. My mom made sure my sister and I weren't raised that way. But all my other family was raised believing this garbage. Also, for some reason, my dad's side of the family HATES fat ppl. More than the gays. Which says a lot bc Catholics. And my cousin's future wife is "heavy" according to my cousin's mom. Who has expressed her dislike of her (cousin's future wife) to my mom because for that reason. She (my aunt - cousin's mom) never said anything bad about my cousin's future wife other than her weight. As one of the few fat members of the family I want her to know she's not alone. Bc my family will comment on her weight to her. I want to tell her how pretty she looks. I want to make her feel confident bc she deserves to feel that way on her special day.

She's marrying a great man. I want my cousin and his future wife to have a wonderful day. I've never met her but she can't be anything but amazing if she caused my cousin to fall in love with her.

My cousin even reached out to my sister to say he hopes I can come. I never thought any of them would miss me. One of the issues I've had with my dad's side of the family was the constant comparison to my cousin who is 6 months older than me (not the cousin getting married). I was always second best. Never the center of attention. Everyone would pay attention to her and not me. And her parents had to make it so she was better at everything than me. I remember when my Grandpa was in the hospital and my uncle made a big deal about my cousin being in advanced classes and having a 2.5 GPA. I just mentioned I was also in advanced classes and had a 3.8 GPA. We went to different high schools. (My choice. I could have gone to the same school as her but I didn't want too). My uncle had to ask my older cousin (not the one getting married) who is a teacher which school had "the better" advanced classes.

I haven't been to a family gathering on my dad's side of the family in like 7/8 years maybe longer. I've seen a few family members throughout the years but not many and never all of them at once. My dad's side of the family is v large. My dad is 1 of 9. All but 2 had at least 1 child. Most had more. And I'm one of the youngest. So my older cousin's have been having kids. There's an insane amount of us. I'm worried about seeing all of them again. What will I tell them? The truth? That most of you and their parents caused me an insane amount of childhood trauma? That you caused me to have eating disorders? That you caused me to start self harming? That I think some of you hid the fact my dad was cheating on my mom from her? That I hate you bc you encouraged my dad to drink and just pretended my mom no longer existed after my dad left her 6 months after she had a massive heart attack and died 6 times on the operating table? She was still recovering! She had to relearn how to walk! It's a mircale she survived let alone didn't have any brain damage! How do you think I'm not mad at you for telling my dad to put her in a nursing home while she was having her first surgery? You guys had no idea what was going on! And were already planning on getting rid of her! How can I not hate you for not even asking my sister and I if we were doing okat after my dad moved out? We would have told you our mom spent all her time crying and threating to kill herself! We had no money! Our mom was only working part time at the time my dad left! You discarded us like you discarded our mom! I can't tell them all that. Not at my cousin's wedding at least. It's a happy event. Idk what to do.

I’m being guilt tripped into going to a wedding.

[random-yandere-fandom]

Kdbdidb

I just saw the anon talking about reader can bring back and/or heal people with food

Just- had a crack idea bc of it

My mind literally went: marriage when?

Pfft ok ok, so

How would the characters in cult au react to their god just

Talking to themselves about marriage preperations

And then when asked about it, they just said ALL CASUAL LIKE "oh I'm marrying myself"

Pfft ple a ae

I need this my crack heart ne eds it

The fact alone that you are talking about marriage will have the whole cult in chaos. Childe will try to tail you to get more information, Ayaka will use her contacts to find out if you ordered anything that you have been muttering about already while Eula will try to bring it up in a conversation with you without seeming suspicious.

Some of them like Venti will cling even more to your side and some, like Zhongli, don't believe they have the right to ask about it if you haven't announced it.

Whenever you start planing again everything goes quiet though as everyone close by hopes to catch any piece of information they can get their hands on.

Everyone is trying to find out who you plan on marrying, but is too scared to ask, yet.

Small fights will break out, fueled by uncertainty and the desire that maybe, you could mean them? Dear grace, they sure hope so.

Any of your interactions with the cultists will be hyper analyzed, the pursuit of clues reaching a high when Kaeya finds Albedo's charts and notes on the subject. To say that he is disheartened is an understatement when he doesn't even reach the top five of who you have interacted with the most ever since the whole thing began. Cue him bursting into the library where you are currently drinking tea with a smug Lisa to demand for your attention like a cat.

It will be when you are planning for the preparations again, murmuring about which flowers you would like. Venti will perk up when you mention Cecilias, only to pout when you move onto the subject of wanting sakura petals there which makes Ei nod with a small smile and note to herself to buy you the entire stock, if there is one. She isn't sure, but she's got the spirit. The entirety of your present followers will glare at her with jealousy.

Beidou will watch on, seeing you totally oblivious to the tension that is building up and she herself has to admit that she'd like to know, so she turns to you and finally asks the question that has been stuck in everyones mind:

"Your Grace, who are you even planning on marrying?"

Looking up at her you blink, gathering your thoughts that had been preoccupied only seconds ago you take a moment to answer. Your acolytes await it with baited breath and lean closer, all attention focused on you.

"Oh, I'm marrying myself."

Now it's Beidou's and everyone else's time to blink as silence and confusion filled the air.

The captain of the Alcor decides that this must have been the most anticlimatic moment she has ever been witness to as everyone else starts bombarding poor you with questions.

[maybanksslut]

Dating Tommy Shelby would include...

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and smoking :)

Ok pls watch me drop everything to write this bc I'm married to cillian murphy <3

First of all, how the two of you met

One night, you’d be alone in one of Birmingham’s many pubs, drowning down the sorrow you felt after fighting with your father, who was visibly upset with you for not being married

He’d been talking about marriage with you for weeks and you grew tired of having to tell him the same thing every day

“I don’t want to get married, dad, there’s no one I love!”

Of course, he’d think that was bullshit and tell you marriage wasn’t an act of love, rather a business that was supposed to tie two families together

This angered you, so here you were, drinking your pain away

And just as you’d got seated and ordered some Irish whiskey, a certain Shelby walked into the pub

Perhaps it was fate, perhaps a mere accident, but no matter what it was, it changed your life forever

“May I sit here?”

You were quick to realize he was a peaky Blinder by the way he was dressed

And by the way everyone appeared to shiver when he entered the pub, you concluded that he must be one of the Shelbys as well

“Only if you promise not to get blood on my dress”

To be honest, he was taken aback by your joke, expecting more of a nervous smile or a look filled with lust, like other women seemed to give him

He was immediately intrigued by you and made it his goal to get to know you better by the end of the night

Tommy tried to be a gentleman, he paid for your drinks, offered you cigarettes, and referred to you as “Mrs”

Until you told him you weren’t married, that is

His jaw (his jawline is perfect tho can we talk about that?) practically dropped, because how could such a beautiful woman like you not have a husband?

At the same time, he was happy, because this meant he could have a chance of making you his forever

Which, he realized later, was something he did wish to do

Tommy fell himself falling for you more and more every day, he just adored your smile, your laugh, the way you weren’t afraid of him, but rather treated him as a close friend

Yes, he was entirely enamored with you, and he knew he had to make a move before anyone else did

He often took you on horse rides or to restaurants to hear your voice, and he loved to hear you talk

“What about that horse race you went to last week, eh? Can you tell me more about it? I don’t quite remember”

He didn’t officially ask you to be his lover before you’d known each other for three months

His feelings for you were a big burden when he kept them a secret, and so was keeping your friendship from both of your families

Therefore, one night as you walked through the empty streets of Birmingham, he confessed to you

“The truth is, y/n, I am in love with you and I want you to be mine. What do you say, eh?”

You were stunned when you heard those words come out of his mouth

You’d never expected this coming, even though you had for some time now felt a stronger connection to Tommy than just a friendly one

Furthermore, the way he said it made your breath tremble. You could almost feel the passion burning its way through his confession

You could feel all the atoms in your body craving him and his love, but you couldn’t utter a words

So instead, you gently caressed his cheeks and kissed him, as if you were trying to pour everything you wanted to say into his mind by this sweet embrace

It took the both of you some time to cool down after the kiss, but when you did, the two of you grinned like idiots

“I love you, too, Tommy Shelby”

He’d carry you home and properly introduce himself to your father the second he got the chance

Your father would be so surprised, because of who you’d brought home

But he’d also be so happy (mostly because Tommy is rich, but also because his daughter finally had found someone)

He and Tommy ended up getting along quite nicely, though you saw his jaw (again he can cut me with that jaw) clench a couple of times when he mentioned the word “thugs” about some of his peaky boys

Before he left that night he kissed you so softly and romantically you thought you’d FAINT

Luckily, you didn’t, but you dreamt about him after you went to sleep

Sometime later, Tommy pushed aside his hesitations and decided to introduce you to his family

“Darling, I beg of you, don’t let them scare you away, eh?”

“Why would they scare me away? If they’re anything like you, I’m sure I’ll love them”

You’d be fascinated by all of his family members because they all appeared to be very interesting people

John would be the first one to talk to you, his outgoing personality very evident after even only a few seconds of conversation

You did enjoy his company, though you had to admit, he was kind of intimidating with his strong voice and loud laugh

Next on the list was Polly, the woman you’d heard so much about, yet knew nothing of

She was the one that you’d were afraid to meet the most, a sue she seemed so majestic and proud in her red dress and high eyebrows

Her personality was the complete opposite of what you’d expected

“Oh my god, you must be y/n! You’re gorgeous, my love! Oh, come here for a hug, my dear”

Her friendliness was overwhelming, yet it warmed your heart deeply to see that she cared for you after such little interaction

It was comforting how she took you under her wing, introducing you to the other family members while Tommy went to talk with his brothers

After the night was over, you’d befriended Ada and learned not to get on Arthur’s bad side

It was an evening full of emotions and feelings, but it was one of the best ones in your life, so you were quick to thank Tommy for making you the luckiest woman in England

“Don’t thank me, sweetheart, you’re the one who made my life brighter”

It took Thomas four weeks to propose to you

He loved you and he needed no time to know that you were his true love and he wanted to spend the rest of his life by your side

It was one night you’d spent together in bed, talking about anything and everything, stealing kisses from each other now and then

Suddenly Tommy’s face turned more serious

“I want you to marry me, y/n”

“What?”

“I want you to marry me. I want to show the whole world how much you mean to me. I want to spend the rest of my life in your arms, holding your hand and kissing your lips. I want to start a family with you and I want you, forever.”

You agreed immediately, tears in your eyes as you looked into the eye of your future husband and thought of the life you’d build together

It was perfect.

TAGLIST: @fangirlings-things @runaway-mom-friend @gxtitobxby @amirahiddleston @myloveforluna

[macaronnya]

Fresh(?) Impressions (5)

Other parts: |Trickstar| |UNDEAD| |2wink| |Ra*bits| |Akatsuki| |fine| |Ryuseitai| |Knights| |Valkyrie| |Switch| |MaM/Double Face/Crazy:B| |Eden| |Alkaloid|

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Hello Enstarries~☆ It is the next unit, Akatsuki! I don't have anything to write here as an introduction anymore but leaving it empty is weird, especially with the lengthy disclaimer. So, I'll just babble a bit here. As of now, the first shuffle event is here! I am aiming to get Kaoru! Idk if I'll actually like him as much as I hope but I like the song, his card is pretty and I can always use another Glitter 5☆ rn. I hope he won't be too expensive....

DISCLAIMER!: Everything said here is for entertainment purposes only and not meant to attack anyone. This is not an accurate description of any characters but my subjective rambling for fun, so please don't take it too seriously. (Just to be safe, I'm kinda scared of elite idol fans) Also, you will hear me mention other games a bunch of times bc I'm that bad and uncreative at explaining and I'm still grieving A3!EN's shutdown. Eng is my 2nd (or 3rd?) language.

Without further ado...Let's Ensemble!☆

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I love traditional japanese music mixed with modern, or to be precise, hearing kotos and shamisen playing with modern intruments in modern tunes. It's just SO cool and beautiful, just what their unit theme is, according to enstars wikia. I like the majority of their songs. As far as I know, akatsuki means dawn or so (Akatsuki no Yona = Yona of the Dawn), which explains their red theme. I like their outfits quite a bit as well. Kimonos are SO pretty and I like their more loose approach to it. All the colors work so well together! Oh, and I thought it's cool how they danced with swords and fans (like in Love Live or Pretty Rhythm). Anyways, weren't they one of the ruling and oppressive units in the "!" era? Yikes 😬 Well, they're good now.

8/10 - really like their music and the members are kinda funny

Keito Hasumi

He is, what one and he himself would call, a hobbyless person. Anzu just asked him why he was sitting alone and he went on and on just to say he didn't know what to do with his free time lol He looks so boring at first with his student council president look and aura but the fact that he masks his awkwardness with long paragraphs and lectures, plus he likes comics, reminds me of Sakyo (A3!), which makes him funny again. It even fits with the I-used-to-be-an-evil-boss or whatever happened in the "!" era. And what's up with his points system 😂 Does he have a whole book with everyones' names and points inside it, that he carries everywhere? Would have an actualy blacklist. Or maybe even: Dear Diary, today Miss Producer made fun of me :( Gosh, Leona (Twst), his VA twin would fold him in half in a second. With all of that done, I like his voice. It's a weird mix of being high and deep at the same time but not really and it feels like drinking cold water.

6.5/10 - pathetic funny man I'd be too scared of him in rl tho bc of his authorative air

Kuro Kiryu

Kazuma Kiryu?!?!?!?! (Yakuza series) Big scary looking guy who changed his way of being a gangster to being a big dorky softie 💕 We love to see it. Big bro, likes sewing, caring, hubby material He may not be a man of many words but that's OK, I'm sure his actions prove his good intentions. He seems like he can cook and do housework. Probably has a single father. I love this trope of scary giant with a heart of gold so so much He's also ambitious enough to pursue both being an idol and designer!!! Literally a fusion of Yuki, Omi and Juza (A3!). Is his hair color red or black? Whatever it is, I bet if a card of him with his hair down comes out, everyone is gonna go crazy (me included).

8/10 - good boy, I'd pat his head

Souma Kanzaki

He never grew out of his chuuni phase and even went as far as to get an official license for his sword, if that isn't dedication idk what is. -insert meme of a guy cutting cake with a giant sword but instead it's a fish and his katana- He's like Gakupo (Vocaloid) but real. May or may not be friends with the ninja guy. He used to have a lot of friends in elementary school but then became a loner, is what I imagine. Dude didn't even realise people were kinda put off by his sword. If he has a license, then he practices kendo, right? He can actually wield it, right? If he also likes swords a lot and not just being a samurai, he'd have a field day with Touken Ranbu. His voice is softer than I imagined it to be, it has a pudding like texture.

7.5/10 - part of the drama gangy, would be the uncle kids love only for his cool things

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Conclusion

They can live perfectly fine in a house with just the three of them without burning it down. We have a cook, smn who does the paperwork and finances, and a handy guy. Honestly, still a pretty normal group here. I can't wait for more songs of them to come.

That's about it this time. I hope you found it nice and all if you made it this far. If you have any thoughts you wanna share, just remember, that everything is just for fun and stay polite! See you in the next part~☆

[jeonjeonggukenergy]

Anti-Hero

summary ~ in search of wine at a party that’s so not your scene, you run into jungkook, the weeb from your film class, and become determined to learn just how much he lives up to his big reputation.

pairing ~ jungkook x reader

genre ~ fluff, light smut w/ more to come - college!au

wordcount ~ 1.7k

warnings ~ light smut, drinking/partying, mentions of dick?, basically just making out, feat. long hair jk :)))))

a/n ~ this is my first time posting a fic!!! costume idea inspired by @ddaenggtan‘s iconic weeb-ass jk in chasing butterflies lol, and I got the idea to write this in general from wondering what a scenario like @joonbird​‘s literally flawless fic passionfruit would be like from the opposite perspective bc I kept reading it (and rereading it...and rereading it...) and loving the connection but I’m much more like joon in that au than the reader oooop. anyway thank you to all the writers on here whose work i have loved and my friends who have encouraged me and made me bold enough to embrace such a fun new creative outlet xxx u know who u are :’)

next: chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 (coming soon!) 

~ read on ao3 ~

CHAPTER 1 ~ dress up

You never intended to end up at this Halloween party. You didn't even know who to expect to see here, other than your roommate's friend from high school, the host, who had invited y'all as a package deal even though she knew you didn't really do parties. At least not ones like hers, where every bedroom ended up occupied by the end of the night and nearly no one went home alone. Thrilled to break out of your lame group of friends for a taste of flirtation and fun, you tried to relax into the scene but the unspoken expectation of casual sex intimidated you the tiniest bit.

Speaking of casual sex, there was Jungkook.

Used to admiring him from afar in your "14 Films To See Before You Graduate" class, you paused to take in the sight of him in what you supposed was a more natural habitat. Everyone knew Jungkook got girls, thanks to the rumor his first freshman-year hookup had started about his seriously impressive dick. He had a beautiful body too, carefully crafted muscles obvious even beneath his usual baggy black clothes, so as the more intimate rumors spread and various co-signers confirmed every detail from length to curve to (you had always hated this word, but...) girth, getting a piece of all that became a badge of honor among the girls in your grade. You had never really understood how the awkward boy who hid manga under his desk in class could supposedly be such a sex symbol, but you almost felt bad for him. That kind of reputation following you around everywhere couldn't be all fun and games. If anything, though, it had intrigued you even more about the rest of him, all his little weeb quirks and the way he debated your points in the discussion boards like he actually cared. He wasn't exactly studious in general, but he clearly loved film and you enjoyed speaking up in class just to see how he would jump off of your observations. You hadn't really talked to him other than that, but he didn't seem to be talking to anyone else tonight either. From the corner, you let yourself appreciate the way his nervous hands tugged at the skinny black tie of his costume, freeing more of his throat from a thin yellow button-down shirt.

At least you no longer felt overdressed in your Nancy Drew outfit. The retro headband, brown loafers, and bookish plaid knee-length skirt set a much more sophisticated tone than most other ensembles you'd seen, but Jungkook's weeb ass had basically worn a full suit to channel Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop. With his grown-out hair tousled and a navy pinstripe jacket cinched tight with two strips of electrical tape over his tiny waist, you couldn't deny that he rocked it. He leaned against a long plastic table left in the hallway, bobbing his head to the music in the next room and adjusting the too-slim suit pants around his thick thighs. His translucent cup stayed hidden behind a hip until he raised it quickly to his face for another sip of...red wine? Probably Franzia, knowing tonight's crowd, but anything was better than beer. You made a beeline for the one boy with taste at this party, your sole mission now to get wine drunk, sneak some Usher throwbacks on this playlist, and drop it low enough to leave some dude hard on the dance floor. #wastehistime2019, yknow.

"Hey!" You got his attention, grabbing the hand with the cup before he could lower it out of view again. His eyes grew comically wide and his mouth formed an "o" in shock before you demanded "Where is the wine?" and he pressed his lips back into a line, stuttering.

"I-I-I'm sorry, I just brought a bottle because the beer here sucks but I think it's all gone by now, I tried to hide it but yeah anyway you can have the rest of this one if you want though." Wincing at his own ramble, he ruffled the retro pouf of his hair with one hand and proffered the plastic cup in another. Both actions highlighted how pretty his hands were and you were just slightly tipsy enough to thread your fingers over his in the also-pretty black waves falling over his yep-still-just-as-pretty cheekbones.

"Aw, it's okay, I don't want to take your wine. No more liquid courage for me," you grinned, dotting the lightest kiss on his nose. It was an innocent gesture, but as your face naturally lowered so your noses touched, leaving your lips centimeters away from each other, something snapped—in him.

His wine discarded on the table, a hand curled around to clutch your ass and you practically felt his tongue before you felt his lips. Slamming your body abruptly into his, he nudged a thigh between your legs to grind it up on your center and as your arm got caught between your bodies, the tension you sensed filling his frame gave you pause. You pushed him away gently but firmly with the hand already flattened against his rock-solid abs. Looking down at the slight space restored between y'all, you removed his hands from his hair and your ass and laced them in yours to guide him back against the wall.

"I...what was that?" you almost giggled. You definitely weren't trying to laugh at him, but you couldn't hide your surprise at this first potential proof of his fuckboy reputation.

"I'm—" his whole face crumpled, both from the simple sting of your seeming rejection and the possibility that he had broken a boundary or forced himself on you against your wishes, which made him so sick he could barely face you. Squirming under your light hold but not quite resisting, he rambled again: "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to force myself on you or anything, don't worry I would never try anything if you didn't want to, I just figured we might as well get to the point if you did because, uh...when girls touch me like that or even talk to me at these things it's pretty much always just because they...want to."

"Jungkook," you breathed, pulsing your hands over his in reassurance. He squeezed his eyes shut, still distraught, and when they opened, you had craned your neck to meet his averted gaze.

"I never said I didn't want to."

His eyes widened again. "Uh...uh...then..." he trailed off, never having needed to directly proposition a girl like this before. He really had been inexperienced before the rapid escalation of college, and was at a loss for how to get to the good stuff from here via anything more eloquent than a rushed "Wanna fuck?" You shook your head silently, nose grazing his again, and let go of one hand to cup his face with care, like he was something precious you were scared of breaking.

"What? You want to get right to fucking me?" you murmured into his ear. He shivered at hearing you curse for the first time, freed from the constraints of class discussions and closer than he ever guessed you'd get to him. "Is that really what you want? Or is it what you think I do? Because if it's alright, I think I want something better. For you."

You pressed a new kiss to his nose, only slightly stronger than the one that had started all this. He held his breath and his untouched, open mouth trembled as you scattered soft introductions of your lips across his forehead, to his temples, over the scar that sliced his cheekbone. Finally inhaling a skittery heave of your shared air as you passed closer to his lips, he forced it back out in frustration when you ducked away to nudge under his jaw instead. Returning your hand to his hair, you grinned, enjoying the spike in his pulse under your thumb and skipping the tip of your tongue lightly over his neck right up to the earlobe. You lifted the choppy ends of his waves away from the dangly silver hoop they hid, tensing the strands just slightly between your fingers in an inability to hide your glee. Something told you this was going to drive him crazy.

Taking a slight detour to suck his pierced lobe between your lips, you responded to Jungkook’s low moan of surprise by wedging your tongue through the first oversized hole and letting your teeth clatter over multiple rings of metal. He was trying so hard to stay pliant under you, but the tease of slight pain in a new and unusual spot made him want your mouth more, anywhere he could get it. No one had ever spent this much time tracing so few inches of skin.

And so many girls had buried his face in their necks, craving evidence of an encounter with the Jeon Jungkook, that a strange kind of empathy caught him off guard when you showed him how good it could feel to receive. You connected your lips to the hollow right under his ear, feeling the tendons stretch as his head lolled away from you. Working him through a cascade of light gasps, you stepped away satisfied once you had sucked a dark bloom to the surface. He watched you leave with his mouth agape and chest heaving, unable to believe you could just walk away with a wave and a "See you in class!"

But you did, and he would.

"Shit!" he swore, a shaky hand darting straight to the spot. Now he had to keep his hair long for at least another two or three days. If he showed up to discussion on Monday and had to watch you admiring your work on his skin, he would probably just die on the spot. And that would not be very Spike Spiegel of him.

next chapter

[cowbo]

my room is basically completely packed ..... it's bittersweet bc i love my orange wall but i also low-key hate this room...

[allforthecourtt]

rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

[dovechim]

I fell asleep last night I'm sorry askdjalk. I'm here now! Without further ado, let me begin - Long Story Anon

Okay. It was around February last year, when my friends told me we should go out to the club, because it had been ages since we all went out together, so I agreed. The night had started like shit for me: the second I stepped out of the cab, one of my shoes broke; the strap detached from the sole and my heel was shaking trying to keep myself balanced before we even got into the damn club! I told my friends maybe I should just leave but they insisted I stayed for at least a little bit, so I did.

Luckily they let us through the door quickly so I had to hold onto one of my friends' hand so I would end up sprawled on the nasty floor as we went down the stairs. The night was pretty uneventful, we were having a great time and one moment I spot a guy in the crowd. It was the weirdest thing, I didn't know where I knew him from, or even if I knew him, but he caught my eye and he looked damn familiar so I couldn't help but stare a little bit. I told my friend "Look at that guy, he's cute" ☆2

She turned around and agreed, and we just kept dancing like nothing happened. Not too long after, I was still dancing and see this guy in question approaching me. I'm not really used to guys I find attractive being the first ones to make a move, not to mention I wasn't dressed the most according that nights. In fact I was wearing a dress down to the knee as opposed to most of the girls wearing sexy af outfits all around me. So I hesitated at first, not sure of what exactly he really wanted ☆3

He then moved rather close and my friends looked at me with wide eyes, as in 'lucky bitch' lol, and asked me to dance. I usually say no, most guys in the club in my experience are assholes and after all I was just there to have fun with my friends, but considering I had taken an interest before, I agreed. Turns out he was quite really fucking drunk lol. He wanted to make out the second I said yes and I'm not really comfortable with that so I kept moving my head away and he'd only kiss my cheek☆4

omg :-( im terribly intimidated by drunk guys!!!!!

He asked my name and I asked his, it didn't ring a bell but I asked if we knew each other and he said no. I tried to dance decently with a broken shoe and as if it wasn't hard enough, his hands on the curve of my back kept moving down, he wanted pretty stubbornly to touch my butt, which I wasn't comfortable with. I looked at my friends and asked to be saved but they just, oblivious, thumbed up and continued with their own dancing, so I told this guy to stop. I wanted to leave and he let me go ☆5

ahhhh shit ur friends tho!!!! i would have been a right mess in ur situation lmao but i totally relate to the not wearing revealing things part!! i usually dont really go to clubs but when i do the most (or least lol) i’ll wear is like a crop top and a skirt. 

He whined a bit but was respectful with my decission, still stuck around a little bit to see if I changed my mind but I didn't. He'd ask my friends "why is she so mean" and they just laughed it off. For a drunk stranger he was rather sweet honestly, in his state he even charmed my friends. Eventually he got tired and left, walking past a couple of times going to buy more drinks but we didn't interact any more that night. When the party was over I saw him again, turns out he'd gone there with ☆ 6

A guy I'd gone to high school with, but it was dawn already and my friends were tired, my foot hurt from trying to keep my shoe on despite it being broken so we just walked to a cab and he didnt even look my way as I walked by. In the cab I told my friends about the ass grabbing, which I'm not gonna lie, I liked lol but I just didn't feel like it was the right place for that and they apologized, saying they thought I really wanted to dance with him and that's why they didn't pull me out ☆ 7

I stayed at my friends' house afterwards, and didn't give this guy much thought for a while. The next weekend me and one of the friends' I'd gone with the Friday before, had a birthday party which we attended. By the time I got home I recieved an instagram request from, you guessed, ass touching guy! I had no idea how he found me, or my name or my account, but he did and I accepted. Turns out as opposed to what usally happens, he was way cuter with better lighting than he looked that night ☆ 8

He messaged me shortly after, and it's been a while so I don't really remember the details of that first conversation but he said that whole night is a blur, but someone told him he'd made out with a girl that night and he went through hell to be able to find out what my name was. Now, is it the most romantic way of meeting someone? No, but men usually don't even bother giving you a second look so the fact that he even ASKED about me was new to me. He invited me to the movies that friday ☆ 9

gahhhhh this is so cute! i would have dismissed the night bc it didnt seem to end that well, but the fact that he remembered even after he was drunk is so sweet!!! and agreed lmao meeting someone at a club isn't my ideal way to start a rs :”)

And I usually, being an extremely shy person, come up with excuses to get out of having to say yes. But he seemed really sweet so I agreed. He said he'd pick me up at home, which was again something very new, as most guys my age aren't that chivalrous lol and idk I just had a good feeling about him. I'd been single for over 20 years, virgin, never in a relationship, tbh I felt like it was about time I stepped out of my comfort zone ☆ 10

We discovered we were in the same classes in uni, majoring in the same thing! We probably crossed paths hundreds of times and didn't even notice each other (but I knew he seemed familiar!), he told me it was pretty lucky that he got to find out my name: a girl from his HS happened to be there that night, who happened to know one of the girls in my group of friends whom I hadn't gone out with in TWO YEARS, so she told this girl my name and she told him and that's how he found me ☆ 11

Never have I had such a perfect first date. We were both freezing in the movies, he tried not smoothly at all to put his arm around me to keep each other warm; he offered to pay for everything against my complaints so for dinner I ordered some coffee and fries which he found gross. It was past midnight when we left the theater so he asked if I wanted some drinks, neither of us clearly wanting to leave each other just yet, so I agreed. He took me to a magical place with fairy lights ☆ 12

A bar that had tables amongst trees in a 'backyard'. We talked about his family, about mine, about our career, about so many things I was having a hard time keeping count. I would fall for him harder with every passing second; I felt like I was in a movie! Soon, it was past three in the morning and I found myself not wanting to let go of him yet, and that never, NEVER happens to me. He was such a gentleman he put film love interests to shame... ☆ 13

He'd open every door, pull out my chair, keep a respectable distance and many other little things I'm not sure he was aware of, but were the first of many things that would make me fall in love with him so fast I wouldn't even know what hit me. I made clear at one point that we hadn't kissed that night we met, I just don't really do that at all and he apologized for his behavior, telling me he'd went out to celebrate a milestone with his friends and drank way too much ☆ 14

He usually never drinks so heavily, or even goes out partying, let alone that one place, but one of his friends knew the door man so we both went to the same club. It all seemed so perfectly designed? So many coincidences could be count for it to be, you know...a mere coincidence. In that moment, and bear with me bc I know it's lame, it felt like it was destiny that we met each other that night. He was as perfect as they come and I knew that first night I'd already lost. I was falling for him☆15

If you want me to give you some character background I'm the most skeptical little shit. Yes I enjoy love stories but I'm damn convinced love isn't real. People just feel lust for each other, but love? Nah man, that doesn't exist. Yet with only one date this guy had changed my entire mind set and I just KNEW he was going to be the end of me. But for some reason, knowing with such intensity I'd end up hurt, I decided to let myself fall hopelessly for him ☆ 16

He, and I wasnt really surprised, asked if I wanted to go to his place after we left the bar. I couldn't blame him, the sexual tension was unbearable through the whole night, and if I wasn't this unexperienced I would've said yes without hesitation. But I didn't want to ruin everything being incredibly disapointing after the 1ST DATE. Not to mention we hadn't even kissed yet. So asked if he could just take me home and he said yes. He parked in front of my house and we sat there in the dark ☆ 17

The soft music playing from the stereo, and I forgot to mention: his taste in music was flawless; yet another detail I loved him for. We were saying our goodbyes and I wanted really bad for him to lean in and kiss me, but he didn't and I didn't either. Not wanting for it to be too awkward, I just quickly kissed his cheek and stepped out of the car. I didn't even have to look to know he was disappointed. I knew I was. He waited until I got in, to know I was safe and then he drove off ☆ 18

I was walking on clouds. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He'd been too perfect, the whole night had been perfect! But we didn't even kiss. So I went to bed, and checked my phone to realize he'd texted me the second he pulled out of the driveway. "You left too fast" He said. I squealed, we flirted, hinting at wanting to kiss the next time. THE NEXT TIME! I couldn't believe it. I had to be dreaming. That night I fell asleep the happiest I'd been in a while ☆ 19

i am so so so in love with your story up to this point but why do i feel scared??? :”( i vaguely recall that you told me your story didnt have a happy ending in one of your first asks right?? right now im just hoping i remembered wrongly and you guys are still together :-( it sounds so so so magical and i can relate to the not believing in love part!!! he seems really sweet when i would have been put off by his drunk behaviour lmao but im glad he wasn't like that!!

[agirlnamedally]

Allyyyy I start hsc on Monday and I'm supppppeeer nervous. I have been studying a lot but ofc enjoying my time with everyone at the library and talking etc. I'm stressing about my atar bc I really want to get in to social work bc I really wanna help people :((((( I wanna do psych but it's 99!!!!!

My tips for anyone starting Year 12/HSC/Senior Year:

Know that it’s perfectly normal to be nervous! I’m pretty sure I was scared to start VCE from Year 7 onwards, it always seemed like this giant, scary, looming monster that would destroy my happiness and suck out my soul like a dementor. Mostly, I just assumed I would have no free time, wouldn’t be able to keep up with the workload, and would fail absolutely everything.

Then, something funny happened. Year 11 came around and I realised… nothing had changed. The work might have been harder, but I had done the required training (aka Years 7-10) and was fully equipped with the skills to handle it. The transition from Year 10 to Year 11, and then again from 11 to 12, is really not that significant or scary! Your workload might increase a tiny bit, because (and in hindsight now I can look back and 100% support this) practice really does make perfect. Teachers don’t make you write 100 essays because they hate you and want you to be miserable or have no social life, it’s because they want you to be a good writer, but more than that, they know that the more essays you write, the easier it will be for you to write one come exam time. It will be less stressful, less terrifying and so much simpler to just regurgitate a piece of writing you’ve practically memorised because you’ve ingrained it into your memory throughout the year. That’s just an example for say English or Literature, but I think the same thing applies for all subjects, no matter how you’re tested. Practice makes perfect. Or at least, practice makes progress, haha.

Now, ATARs. Those finicky little bastards. I’m not going to tell you to forget about it, because I know that when I was in the midst of VCE it was always on my mind. I even had older kids, who had already graduated, constantly telling me how insignificant it was and that it wouldn’t matter one year from now, but I didn’t believe any of that. Now, looking back, I know that they were right. In terms of measuring your intelligence or potential for future career success, ATARs mean nothing. No matter what score you get, I promise you, you can go on and be anything you want to be in life. There will always be obstacles and challenges between you and your dreams, but if you want something and you’re willing to work hard and be nice to others, nothing can stop you. The only difference an ATAR can make is the journey and how you go about it. The only thing an ATAR determines is which course you might do. You might have your heart set on a dream course with a super high ATAR. If you want to shoot for that, go for it! Just know that if your number is lower, there are still ways to pursue it. You can take a gap year, travel, discover the world and find out who you are, uncover your passions, gain some experience. Do a TAFE course, start somewhere else, transfer. Defer it, reject it, volunteer somewhere, change your entire perspective on life, completely change directions. You still have the choice. Unis will often accept someone who didn’t get a first or second round offer initially as a mid-year enrolment, or you could do a semester or two somewhere else and then jump across and hopefully they’ll let you keep those credits under your belt. You may not even want to go to uni! There are many many options and paths you can take, don’t let a number limit or define your future.

Personally, I knew I wanted to further my education but wasn’t entirely set on any particular existing occupation. I knew my two favourite subjects were Psychology and Health and Human Development, but that I also enjoyed writing for English, so I could envision myself happily doing something that encompassed those things. For me, an Arts degree was the perfect choice because it allows you to dip your toes into many different areas of study, test the waters of various fields before arriving at a favourite – your major. The course I most had my heart set on had a pretty high entry score, one which I actually thought I had no possible chance of achieving, but I set it as my goal anyway because as I was so undecided, I didn’t want to ‘limit myself’ (typical Year 12 brain thinking). It worked out wonderfully for me, somehow I found the drive and ended up doing a lot better than I’d expected, really surprising myself (and probably everyone else) and guaranteeing a spot in the course. However, I wholeheartedly believe that had I not achieved the score I did, had I gone to a different university or course, or even taken some time off from studying, I would be just as happy. I would have found another way to continue learning, whether it be by sitting in a lecture theatre or travelling to see it myself. I could have enrolled in a different course, disappointed in myself and thinking it was only temporary, and ended up LOVING it. Maybe even more than this course! Who knows? These are the kinds of ‘what if’s and ‘maybe’s that make my brain want to explode. Being a human can be exhausting.

Whether you have a goal course you’re hoping to get entry for, a dream uni, hopes of studying abroad, a plan to defer for a year or no desire to study at all – but they’re all okay and all achievable! No matter what it is you want in life, there are ways to get there. Not just one, but limitless varying courses of action you can follow. One might be more direct, but it might also be more boring, or less challenging. It might grow you less as a person, or prevent you from meeting some really interesting people that another path will introduce you to.

Year 12 is an awesome time. It can be stressful, overwhelming, demanding, sleepless. It can invoke self-doubt, nostalgia, fear of plummeting into the depths of the unknown (your future) and leaving behind the safety and security of routine (your past). However, it can also be rewarding, exciting, bonding, enriching, growing and deliriously fun. I say delirious because there will definitely be times when you and your friends are so overcome with work and anxiety that you just have to laugh. Misery loves company and Year 12 is proof of that. Study dates are perfect for simultaneously motivating each other and collectively crying into the bowl of chocolate you just devoured. I’m probably not painting the best picture here, but seriously, it can be a terrific time.

If I could give you one piece of advice for entering VCE, it’s to maintain a balance. Balance in life is the key here, because otherwise you will either burn out from too much studying, fall behind from not enough, get sick from not taking care of yourself, or something else just as un-fun. When you’re studying, dedicate proportionate amounts of time or energy to subjects depending on their current level of significance. If possible, do assignments as soon as you get them, but prioritise the ones that are due first or worth the most. More importantly, ensure you have balance throughout your whole life, holistically. It’s just as important to take care of your mental, social and physical well-being as it is to reach your education goals. Make the time to keep active, even if it seems like there is none. I can’t even tell you how beneficial it is to get outside, clear your head and get your heart rate up. Endorphins are your best friend and a powerful stress-buster, so keep a pair of runners at the ready. If you’re not a fan of solo workouts, can’t stay motivated or simply don’t enjoy it, I highly recommend joining a team sport! In fact, I recommend this for everyone, because it’s beneficial to your mental, social and physical health. All at once. Plus there’s the accountability factor – you can’t just skip the workout or hit snooze when you don’t feel like it  - you made a commitment and your teammates are counting on you! Honestly being a part of a group like that will make you feel so needed or wanted, and it’s great to make new friends or connect with like-minded people. SPORT RULES. Taking care of your physical health also means nourishing your body with the right foods, getting enough sleep and drinking plenty of water – all the basics. Back to balance – it’s also essential to dedicate time to doing things just for you. Bubble baths are a great choice, there’s also reading, meditation, getting a massage or mani-pedi, having a movie night, seeing a friend, anything that makes you feel relaxed, happy and at peace. These are the things that keep you going! Imagine a pie chat, split into 3 sections. One section is school and schoolwork, one is health and fitness, and the last is dedicated to me-time or fun activities. The three sections represent mental, physical and social wellbeing = all equally important and necessary for not only success, but holistic health in general. If you’re feeling stressed out, look at which of the three sections might be out of balance. Are you not getting enough sleep? Have too much on your plate? Need some alone time? Not fuelling your brain and body with enough or the right nutrition? Try to keep these things in check and remind yourself that they’re all significant and deserving of your attention.

Most of all, know that VCE is completely unique to your own experience. Like karma, you will get out only what you put in. You can make it an easy time, just for socialising and blowing off class, you can dedicate 110% of yourself to studying every waking hour, never lose a mark and never see anyone else, OR you can have the best of both worlds and strike that beautiful, sweet balance.

Decide what your own goals are. Make your own rules. Ask yourself what motivates you, and then go after it. Use this time to challenge yourself, grow as a person and exceed any expectations, limitations or barriers that have been set by anyone – including and especially yourself. It’s an exciting time that you should definitely make the most of, because it will be over before you know it. I know it’s hard, but try to forget about ATARs, or at least diminish the all-mighty power and holy-grail presence that it can take. It’s just a number. If you try your best, that’s all you need to do. I have complete faith in you anon, 

YOU CAN DO IT :D