#Auto-biographical
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i think i finally found a movie i saw for a while when i was like 12 and have been unable to identify since. i've been trying to google different descriptions every couple of years and always failed. until finally i just opened a japanese movie list on letterboxd, filtered them by decade and started opening movies that felt like they could be the one i was looking for. i can't wait to watch it in the next 6 years
#lang talks#the movie is Glory to the Filmmaker! by Takeshi Kitano#i only ever watched Fireworks by him. so i'm not sure i'll quite enjoy this semi auto-biographic surrealist parody of himself.#but maybe i could just watch some of his other movies first since i already wanted to do that
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no anticipated release date as of yet, but the ouch™️ is coming soon(ish)to a dashboard near you…
if you want to be notified when this eventually drops, sign up for my permanent taglist 🫶🏻
in the meantime, you can check out this fic’s spotify playlist here.
#i started writing this and had to stop for crying purposes lol#i thought lacuna was auto-biographical but this dead ass feels like posting my diary online#like here’s the love of my life and also here is how it died!!! 🤪#jade speaks#fic announcement#knj#kim namjoon#namjoon#re: aphelion#re: lacuna#re: redamancy#hi welcome to chilis
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It is a mystery...
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someone: are you okay
me: so in 1964 john lennon wrote one of his only love ballads, "if I fell" and called it auto biographical even though it doesn't match w any of his public relationships. the lyrics can easily be flipped to be about him pining for someone already in a relationship with a woman which would most likely be a man (as seen in "across the universe" where they did the song from a woman's pov to a man without changing the lyrics and it still worked). he wrote the full lyrics for the first time on the inside of a valentines day card and in the corner you can see his handwriting that says "to: paul with love" with an arrow pointing inside and some doodled hearts. it was auctioned off in the 2000s, but the description only says it was written on a plane on a card "given to paul" as a spare paper, not acknowledging the little dedication with the hearts. years later he referred to it as a "silly love song," referring back to paul's song that was in turn referring to his mocking comments. and that's why he's a fa-
#all of my friends the last two days having to hear me rant about this#and only get worse when I zoomed in and found that dedication and almost threw up#I'm sorry mutuals you're all suffering w me#block every mention u can think of I'm going Crazy#mclennon
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Love to make characters that are in no way auto biographical
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Is Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury the first anime series to depict a married same-sex couple?
Given the rings and comments from the staff (excluding Bandai) it's pretty clear that both Suletta and Miorine are married. And looking at older anime couples I can't find another one where the characters are actually married to one another.
There are series that depict engagements and proposals (implied or otherwise with queer characters).
Some examples would be:
Yuri & Viktor from Yuri on Ice, where it's implied that they want to be engaged.
Ranma & Akane from Ranma 1/2, both find themselves in an arranged engagement but end up falling for each other anyway. Ranma is canonically genderfluid in both the anime and manga and Akane is attracted to Ranma as both a man and a woman. And this is ignoring all of Ranma's other fiances who know about their curse and want to be in a relationship with them anyway.
Utena & Anthy from Revolutionary Girl Utena, while the circumstances of their engagement are out of their control, the two of them fall deeply in love with one another despite that. And in the movie they kiss.
Other LGBT anime couples are together or in love but next explicitly depicted as engaged or married would be:
Michiru Tenou & Haruka Kaiou from Sailor Moon, they are very much together and in the Crystal series end up living together and adopting a baby.
Yukito Tsukishiro & Touya Kinomoto from Cardcaptor Sakura, who are in love with one another.
Eiji Okumura & Ash Lynx from Banana Fish, who are in love with one another. And it hurts.
Yuu Koito & Touko Nanami from Bloom Into You, who are two girls who fall in love with one another. And in the story you watch them grow and get closer.
Nezumi & Shion from No. 6, a sci-fi drama where two boys fall in love. This one also hurts.
And countless other examples, none of which I could find have the characters taking their relationship further than dating or engagement.
So, is Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury the first married same-sex couple in anime?
On a minor note, there have been several gay weddings depicted in manga.
Some examples would be:
Our Dreams At Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani, which was written by an asexual, X-gender author.
Until I Meet My Husband by Ryousuke Nanasaki and illustrated by Yoshi Tsukizuki. This manga was written by a gay man and based on his own essays about his life. The manga is auto-biographical.
I Married My Best Friend To Shut My Parents Up by Kodama Naoko, who has written several other LGBT manga, most of which are Yuri.
And there are several more!
Bonus:
Shoutout to Episode 7 of the 80s anime Dirty Pair for having a wedding between a cis man and a trans woman in one episode.
#gay marriage#anime#manga#lgbtqia#mobile suit gundam the witch from mercury#ranma 1/2#revolutionary girl utena#yuri on ice#rambles#sailor moon#card captor sakura#bloom into you#no 6#i married my best friend to shut my parents up#until i met my husband#our dreams at dusk#banana fish#dirty pair
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actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.
he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.
a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).
but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.
and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.
he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.
and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal
#i had a really big fundie snark phase a year or two ago so that's part of like. this. but im still not used to actually talking about#religious stuff so if it reads kinda awkwardly uhh forgive me orz idk#maybe it sounds dumb but i like that the message isn't 'religion is evil'. it easily could have been. but i think the show's points about#how fundie wasp culture in particular treats christianity and itself and others would be less poignant if they were like. and jesus sucks#btw >:] like. this feels more nuanced to me. i guess there's probably a way to maintain that nuance with an ultimately anti-christian#piece of media but i think it'd be like. wayy harder and it's difficult for me to imagine that bc i think a lot of it would bleed out into#the tone. + why focus on only These christians when They're All also bad? so you'd get jokes about them in general#and i think that's kinda less funny than orel and doughy screaming and running from catholics lsdkjfldksj#i think the specificity makes it more unique and compelling as comedy and as commentary. but that's just me#like moralton represents a very particular kind of christian community (namely a middle class fundie wasp nest)#you're not gonna be able to get in the weeds as much if you're laughing at/criticizing all christians. but they accomplish it so thoroughly#and WELL in morel and i think that's because it chose a smaller target it can get to dissect more intimately. anyway#moral orel#orel puppington#(OH also when i say wasp here i mean WASP the acronym. as in white anglo-saxon protestsant. in case the term's new to anyone <3)#maybe it's also relevant to say that i'm kindaaaaaaaa loosely vaguely nonspecifically christian. so there's my bias revealed#i was never raised like orel but i like to think i get some of what's going on in there y'know. in that big autistic head of his#but it's not like i can't handle anti-christian/anti-religious media/takes. i'm a big boy and also i v much get why it's out there yknow#christianity in specific has a lot of blood on its hands from its own members and from outsiders and people have a right to hate it for tha#but religion in all its forms can be positive and i appreciate the nuance. like i've said around 20 times. yeah :) <3#(<- fighting for my life to explain things even though my one job is to be the explainer)
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As a neutral listener (I call TS my fav "basic pop girl" irl) my big problem is I cannot get behind the biographical nature of her music anymore. Perfect example in this album: But Daddy I Love Him. I LIKE that song, but I can't listen to it keeping in mind it's about Matty. All that dramatic forbidden lovers fighting against judgment of society bullshit over your fans correctly pointing out your reboud-fling/fellow cheater is a proofed racist sexist bigot? You call him the love of your life, of-fucking-course people are going to question YOUR morals too. And then he drops your ass and you slander him - not for all the aformentioned reasons, but because he struggled with drug-addiction? Girl. GIRL.
Whole TTPD is proof of this huge parodox where she build her fame on the diary-like relatable nature of her lyrics, but now there's this huge disconnet between her over-dramatic victimhood and her being a BILLIONARE who takes ZERO political and social stands and use her influence only to sell 2874 products per year to her fans. Sure, she's a human being and she's got her pains and problems, but the level of self-mythology and auto-celebration has reached comical levels.
Now I'm sure lots of people identifies with her words, personally my aro-ace ass can only appreciate her lyrics when I connect them with my fav books and fictional characters, but that's me. Main problem is, there's just a huge gap between her overdramatic egotistic ass and the stark privilege of her life. I think that's why Folkmore worked so well with everyone, the fictional nature of it was perfect. She IS good at telling a story, but she lacks the self-reflection and self-irony to tell HERS.
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A Very Matt Morning 2
Matthew Sturniolo X Reader
Part 1
A/N: listen, part one has exactly 15 notes rn and that’s more than I expected so I will treat you to part 2. This is the sexy part get ready, bby. Also don’t @ me because you don’t think all this can go down in 36 minutes. This piece is auto biographical if you’re a pro lots can happen in 36 minutes. This 100% isn’t proofread.
Contains: big time smut, silly goofy!matt, oral, fingering, p in v sex, lots of dialogue
TW: mentions of working an office job🤢
In which Matt wakes up y/n the right way to prep her for her big day of working at her big girl job.
Five minutes later the order confirmed and set to arrive in 36 minutes. “Just enough time to wake you up the right way” Matt whispers in y/n’s ear.
Y/n releases a frustrated groan “But I should really dressed and I have to respond to this email real quick”. She knows that even waiting for the coffee she’s cutting it close to being late.
“Hush, baby” he touches his finger to her lips. She’s being entirely too reasonable right now but Matt knows what she needs. She has the whole rest of her work day to be responsible and boring. He runs his hand up her thigh and under the extra large t-shirt she uses as pajamas. It’s not his though because he’s actually quite small with a slutty little waist. She stole from an ex boyfriend of hers. Matt doesn’t mind though because one day he’s going to marry her and everyone else will fall away. “I’m just going down here. Don’t worry about what I’m doin. Just take out your phone and answer that little email, okay?”
“Okay” she exhales softly and takes her phone from the bedside table. Rachel from accounting should really learn how to do her fucking job. She’s distracted as he shoves his hand between her legs, covering her heated center with his palm, squeezing gently. He always does this before sex It’s almost like gentle greeting or a quiet hello. Arching her back, she plasters myself into his hand, searching for more contact. "Mmm. I like that."
He strokes her slit through her panties, drawing an oval around it with his finger without actually touching it. Maybe it was because his touch was unhurried, fleeting, and designed to drive her wild, but her panties dampened. Y/n was going through the sweetest of tortures.
“No no, Sweetie. Just write your little email.”
She hits him in the head “How can you expect me to write a clear concise professional email under these conditions.”
He lets out a chuckle “Hey don’t sway me on the head. I’m trying to give you head down here.” He trails kisses up her inner thigh all the way up until he’s nearly where he needs to be. “I can’t give you head if my head hurts. Did you know that?” He does the same to her other thigh “You’re the reason I have to carry around ibuprofen for when I’m ready to be a munch.”
She laughs and her legs shut closed. They weren’t fully open to begin with. She’s still holding onto the idea that she’ll get up and get ready when she finishes her email. “Oh shut up. You love me.”
“Come on, spread your legs.” He coos in a sing song voice. “What… is she shy this morning.” He peppers y/n’s stomach with kisses. “Did you wake up with stage fright… is your pussy anxious?” He teases and she hits him again. “Hey hey cut that out”
He leans in close to her pussy and whispers “Hey, Darlin, I know right she’s sitting there trying to close you off from me. You and I have such a special bond and…”
Y/n raises her voice “Are you talking to my coochie!?”
He looks up at her “Yes, yes I am talking to your coochie. What do you want… this is an A B conversation… C your way out of it and finish your email.” She does as she’s told but he lowers his head and picks up where he left off. “She’s so fucking rude. Like I’m trying to have a conversation… women am I right.” At this point y/n has let her guard down completely and opens her legs for him to have his silly little conversation.
Finally after all his hard work Matt is able to kiss her pussy. He starts off light and gradually gets rougher until his tongue is swirling around her clit. She likes to watch his mouth move. His jawline looks so sharp against the softness of her thighs. He reaches a hand up to massage her breast while the other snakes around her thigh to rest on her tummy. He loves the taste of her and the tenderness of her skin. Y/n’s hands find their way to his head and her fingers tangle into his hair. She’s grinding her pussy onto his lips. To him if feels more like she’s grinding his face into her pussy but that’s neither here nor there.
She’s moaning uncharacteristically loud and he knows it’s time to start licking and teasing her entrance. Y/n knows he’s about to finger her and as if on cue she opens her mouth right as he moves his hand from her breast and puts his middle and index finger in her mouth. He lists his head to say “You’re gonna get these fingers nice and wet for me, Okay.” She nods her head still sucking on his fingers. He lets her suck longer than usual thinking about how her lips would feel around his hard cock. When Matt can focus again he pulls his fingers back and slowly pushes his middle finger into her hole. He groans out of sheer horniness “Oh, come on, you’re sooo tight right now… is she still shy. Fine, hold on, I’ll to talk to her again.” He works his finger in and out of never pushing it in past the knuckle. “ Hey, Lovie, I know it’s really early and obviously you’re having a bit of performance anxiety but you and I know each other. We get along, right? Don’t close me out. Don’t be shy with me.” His finger pushes in just a little bit farther with every thrust until she can take his whole finger. “There we go, baby.” He looks up to y/n “You see, Honey, her and I have reached an understanding.”
Fingering her like this without touching her clit is torturous. She can’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation but it feels good it’s basically like perpetual edging. And he’s making it worse by moaning along with her as if he’s getting off on her pleasure. “Oh yes, oh you are so fucking tight. I am going to lose my mind the moment my tip goes in. Don’t get mad at me if I come right away, okay? I’ll just keep going. You know how much I like to fuck the cum into you.”
“Oh my god!” Y/n says in complete and utter shock as she wacks his head. “That’s too horny for this early in the morning!” She hits him again “Also suck my clit you dickhead!”
“Ouch! Im sorry. Im just havin a little fun! And I’ll get to your clit in a minute” Matt says then goes to do what he was told. He sucks entirely too softly but very passionately. “ Can you take two fingers for me, baby?” She shakes her head. She’s never been one to talk during sex but fuck. Matt does it so well. Matt’s second finger slips in so easily “Oh good girl. That’s more like it one of that being shy bullshit.” His fingers moved faster within her and she moaned as they curled at just the right angle to make her writhe on the bed, panting and moaning. Then he finally does it. He absolutely devours y/n’s clit with his sucking, licking, and moaning. She could feel herself approaching the edge and so could he. “You’re already there, Baby. Come on, cum for me.”
She shoves his face back into her pussy “Shut up and keep sucking!” All this talk is so hot but it sure as shit does feel better than cuming. Her thighs quaked, bracketing his ears. Her fingers in his hair, tugging viciously. Matt went harder, rougher, latching on to one of her tits through her top and pinching her nipple. Her eyes popped open and looked at him behind a curtain of innocent lust. The climax seized every muscle in her body head to toe. An odd sensation-of floating in warm water-conquered her. She rocked back and forth against his face, unraveling inch by delicious inch.
“Do you feel awake now, Darlin?” He says with a grin.
Y/n sighs with a laugh “Yes, Matty baby, I am very much awake.”
“Can you keep going? Or is that too much for you?”
“Oh course I can. After my super awesome morning orgasm I can do almost anything.” She jokes but she also genuinely feels that way. Maybe her day won’t be so bad.
Matt moves so that he’s above her using his hands to hold himself up. She squeaks, hips bucking slightly, and feels his hardness press up against her inner thigh. He reaches his hand down to rub his cock against her sensitive folds, and she releases a gasp at the sensation.
“I knew from how fucking wet you felt.” He groans as he pushes himself in farther. “You would milk my fucking dick but Jesus Christ” She gasps slightly, her cheeks reddening at the feeling of arousal welling up within her at his words. He bottoms out with moan from deep in his chest. She feels so full and whole. Slowly he starts to fuck her. Each thrust eliciting a whiny bordering on pathetic moan from him. He really isn’t going to last long.
Her legs wrap around him and pull him close. “Fuck that’s not fair you can’t pull me into you like that.” It’s so tight and warm inside her cunt it feels like a second home. His thrusts get sloppier and more needy as he approaches his climax. “Look at me. Look me in my fucking eyes while I fill you up.” She looks at him with pleading eyes. She really wants to watch him cum and watch his face twist in pleasure and pain as he continues to fuck her with his overstimulated cock.
He comes with a powerful grunt but he keeps up his pace and doesn’t stop bucking into her until hurts more than it feels good. He collapses on top of y/n and she kisses him on the forehead. “Do YOU feel awake now, Darlin?”
“Could take on the world, my love.”
They sit there cuddling for a while until she gets an email from work. There’s more bullshit to respond to and a world or responsibilities to get back to. Matt however is asleep. It seems he did not in fact feel awake. Y/n leaves him to his sleep and prepares for work. When she finally opens the door to leave there are two Dunkin’ coffee cups sitting on the welcome mat outside.
Masterlist
Taglist
pls give me feedback. Like should I do the thing where they make the dialogue different colors? Or maybe should I write in a different pov? Any other suggestions?
#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#smut#sturniolo smut#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo#sturniolo fandom#christopher sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader#nicolas sturniolo
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hey! making a pinned that will for now hold some basic info/disclaimers & may in the future have a read more with a guide to deep dives
navigation
james/lorraine, they/he/she, 24. BA in religious studies/history, going back for a MA in history in january (that's relevant okay that's my CREDENTIALS for this silly blog)
my main is @menlove
I am indeed a shipper! no hate is meant at all by this blog existing, I'm just a historian that is going crazy trying to sort out fact & fiction in this fandom. there's a lot of both and I think a blog like this could be useful
and in that vein, I will never, ever directly come after or @ anyone who shared that misinformation. if you send me a request and start it with "I saw so and so post x, is this real?" I'll make a post without your ask in it. I don't want to send hate anyone's way. if it's an older post, i'll probably link the source of the misinformation for the sake of clarity, but if it's a blog that's still active i won't & i'll just screenshot. (maccaswife1978 is not a real person btw dgshdhshs. as far as I know! sorry if anyone's ever had that username)
I'm always open to correction. I have 0 way of knowing or finding everything, so if you have a credible, reliable source that I didn't find in my deep dive of something I rated fake/neutral, please let me know! I'd love for some of these to be real
I also take requests! feel free to ask me about anything that you want fact checked. just know sometimes I might not be able to find an answer or I might be bogged down & not be able to answer just then. I'll do my best to get to everyone, but inevitably my mental health and life Will come first so......
rating system
fake- this is a source that, from everything I can find, only loops back to other mclennon blogs/forums. again, I'll take correction on these.
neutral- this is a source that is fake in some way but real in others. maybe it's a quote taken wildly out of context, or the quote passed around is fake but the content really did happen & has a more grounded source. or maybe it was written in a biography that didn't use citations and I have no idea where that author got that information, so you should take it with a grain of salt. or maybe it's something that isn't necessarily fake, but there's not enough evidence to definitively prove it one way or another (i.e. did anything happen in india?) whatever the case, this source has ended up neutral in the grand scheme of mclennon.
real- happy day for us all, these are for ones that turn out to be real! these are ones that are backed up by one or more reliable source & have hard evidence
source reliability
what do I mean by "reliable source"?
for me to count a source as "reliable" and count it towards a fact/quote being real, it has to be one of these things: first-hand (interviews, auto biographies, etc), recorded (video/photographic evidence, basically), or a well-sourced/respected biographer.
sources that fall into the in between category and might still earn a "real" rating but should be taken with a grain of salt are things like: second-hand sources (& who they are is important in determining how big that grain of salt should be), biographers who are allergic to sourcing, and things like lyrics/poetry/short stories which rely heavily on interpretation unless explained by either john or paul themselves. none of these automatically mean a "neutral" or "fake" rating, but they're taken into account.
and sources that will earn a fake rating once they're found to be the original source: tumblr blogs, deviantART pages, fan forums, gossip columns, etc. basically, if all I can find is someone writing out "slash beatles quotes" on a page in 2011, it's getting chucked in the bullshit pile unless someone else can find a source that predates it.
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new zine on itch.io! once again free to download. edgy vent-ish collages paired with text, truism style, about navigating psychotic experiences and the (perceived and/or real) communicative gaps between yourself and others. you should go download it & leave me nice comments on it ok thank u
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everything makes fucking sense. three cheers for sweet revenge is abso fucking lutley about choosing music touring as not just a career but your ENTIRE life. theyve talked about how the whole album is about the death of their grandmother, which impacted them specifically because they were on tour for a full year before she passed a day back home. they were so fucking mad. that thread is all over the album, but it finally clicked when i thought about "i never told you what i do for a living". i always interpreted that title as a pun related to the concept album (demo man's job of killing people to become alive), but OF COURSE the concept is a diversion from the auto-biographical meaning.
being a touring musician who loves what they do but regrets how its taken over their life fits in so well. "i did IT all so maybe id live THIS every day." the chorus being about a murder that cant be repented (ESPECIALLY the last line from the last chorus: "it aint the money and it sure as hell aint just for the fame / it's for the bodies i claim") VS shows being described as "killing the audience" by the mcr guys VS from gerard's description, the shows (the "killing") taking from his time with his grandmother. "and we'll all dance alone to the tune of your death / we'll love again, we'll laugh again" circling BACK to helena, the most explicit dedication to his loved one. BUT THE CIRCLING DOES NOT STOP THERE with "i tried / i tried" referencing demolition lovers' "im trying / im trying", indicating the completion of a goal (in this reading being a successful artist).
the song ends submitting to the reality of things, "it's better off this way, so much better off this way / i cant clean the blood off the sheets in my bed." the whole album is about trying to fix death, to fix your mistakes, but you cant. it already happened -- you cant clean the blood.
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Thanks to the amount of systems cringe stuff spamming this tag I finally gave in and had a look at what they're saying, great decision on my part, happy for myself and so grateful for the inspiration lmao.
Honestly fuck all the fake claiming stuff, that's old hat, I wanna talk about the reverse conspiracy theory stuff they got going on. Namely their new automod response to anyone that mentions RAMCOA. So uhhh trigger warnings for discussion on that.
That link for an "archive database"? It points to the Grey Faction website, the Satanic Temples replacement for the False Memory Foundation. It's kinda sad honestly, sparsely populated with old news about Colin Ross' eye lasers and 80s satanic panic stuff to completely discredit the ISSTD as the organisation stands today. They completely deny the concept of repressed memories and don't believe in DID at all, even if they try to hide it with carefully chosen language
Does this kinda stuff happen? Absolutely. But the issue is, unsurprisingly, nuanced and complicated.
The Body Keeps the Score has a great section on this. In one chapter the author recounts a patients sudden recollection of abuse memories after seeing their abuser having been arrested on television. The patient had spent their entire life having no recollection of these events, only for them suddenly to reappear in crystal clear and full sensory detail. It does sound kinda unbelievable, I mean we know how dubious and unreliable memory can be, how can these memories be preserved so perfectly outside of conscious awareness? Well the chapter goes on to explore accounts of traumatic memory around Shell Shock. As it turns out, veterans that didn't get Shell Shock often had very personalised accounts of the war, they would even romanticise their experiences spun as a narrative of personal valour and heroism. Shell Shock patients on the other hand had much more accurate and factual recollections that all corroborated with each other, it would be as if they were back there experiencing it as it was, as opposed to looking back on it from the present.
This is because of how memory is processed. A healthy processed memory is becomes part of your own personal narrative, how you feel about it, the lessons you learned from it, and how it relates to the rest of your life. A traumatic memory doesn't do this, because it is deemed as incompatible with personal narrative, impossible to feel anything about, and threatens the integrity of the rest of the psyche, it sits outside. Like lost luggage at an airport never opened and never claimed.
This isn't necessarily the case for traumatic memory in DID though, at least in a good number of cases what's preserved is the emotional memory, feelings of helplessness or betrayal, body sensations of things happening, but the details, the auto biographical recollection of events can be lost.
In fact, this is one of the key ways the false memory foundation claims have been debunked. You can install the memory of being lost in the mall to someone, but what you can't do is give someone PTSD symptoms around a false memory, those emotional and physical intrusions can't be implanted.
This is to say that the trauma is always real, it deserves attention and validation and treatment, but we do have to be careful about what we do with the content of traumatic memories. And you know what? This is 100% in line with ISSTD guidance for the therapy of patients with a Dissociative Disorder. Therapists are advised not to take disclosures of recounted traumatic memories too literally, not least of all because different alters might have different accounts of events. It can cause a lot of internal conflict and distress to believe one alter over the other and they can't all be right. So what you do is something called Processing. Here's a great video on that from the CTAD clinic
youtube
This all relates to the derealisation aspect is DID, and in fact, many have called it a disorder of multiple realities rather than multiple personalities. I guess it depends on which way you wanna look at it from the DPDR continuum. Because of the extreme compartmentalisation of action systems, traumatic memory can be chopped up and distributed among different parts. Some get the emotional memory, some get the physical memory, some transform the content of the memory into something that fits the personal narrative of their created identity. For instance am alter that believes they are a victim of witch trials may have memories of a mob with pitchforks and torches, or a wolf alter might have memories of being surrounded and trapped by hunters in someone who has trauma around severe playground bullying. The emotional experience is retained, but the biographical details are changed into something the brain hopes can be processed, even if it fails in doing so.
Where this gets very messy, is that you can take a compartmentalised emotional or physical intrusive memory, devoid of content, and be suggestible to details that might fill the blanks. This is largely what happened during the satanic panic. Imagining a potential form of abuse, while triggered, can attach those imagined details to the emotional memory. Heck, multiple alters can each attach their own individual narrative of details to the same emotional Intrusion.
And this is a very serious problem I've seen in the community. So many times someone will ask questions about a relatively normal DID experience, and someone will chime in with "well in my case it's the result of programming". This is such a fucking irresponsible and dangerous thing to do. We cannot suggest possible forms of abuse to scared and confused systems that are in the wake of being triggered. This can go SO badly. Many of us suffer from psychosis, paranoia can quickly turn into a full blown delusion, especially when we're talking about organisations of child trafficking and mind control.
Cults exist.
Trafficking organisations exist.
Abusive religious organisations exist.
There's no denial that this happens, but we absolutely cannot just go around suggesting that this might have happened to someone who hasn't yet processed their trauma.
This isn't about disbelieving people, or telling people they are wrong about their trauma, but directing towards what matters, stabilisation from destabilising thoughts during a terrifying and confusing time, grounding, and finding a safe space through which to process the painful emotions so that they no longer intrude on daily life.
Back to Systems Cringe and the Grey Faction, there's something to be said about how faith in institutions can completely broken when we forget, and are reminded, that they aren't some flawless entity but are made up of flawed people that make mistakes
But I think this comment sums up everything I would want to say on that
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I trust your opinion. If you were making bets about what TS11's themes, concepts and sound would be like.. What would you like& prefer? and what would you think Taylor would do?
thank you for trusting my opinion but i am god awful at predicting what taylor is going to do next. that being said:
i think something taylor learned with all too well, anti-hero, and cruel summer is to… trust her instincts, i guess? not that she hasn’t in the past, but she’s mentioned that those songs were her favorites of their respective albums, and she didn’t expect that the general public would enjoy them as much— at least, not to the degree that they have been. but they’ve all been #1s, and more impressively to me, they’ve all broken through into wider pop culture in a way that’s super hard to do nowadays. like can you tell me what’s #1 right now because i can’t. but anyways i think she’ll be following what she wants to hear a little bit more, and trusting that her and the general public’s taste is pretty aligned at the moment. so like, to boil it down into a bingo card prediction, the lead single is going to be taylor’s favorite song on the album
also, bingo square, the color will be white. no evidence just vibes
i think another thing taylor recently learned is trusting that not only her fanbase, but the wider pop landscape would accept complex ideas delivered with a complex vocabulary. in some ways i think she was really burned by me!— she had been taught that it’s the we are never ever getting back together and shake it offs that you send to pop radio, not the all too wells. and then me! got torn apart (deservedly or not), and then the world shut down and it’s not like she needs to find a tour off her next album so what the hell, let’s take out the immediate hooks and replace it with flowery language. and it was a massive hit! twice! but it’s not the kind of music she wants to make forever. so midnights was an added gamble— can you marry the hooks with the collegiate vocabulary? and you can! anti-hero was her biggest chart success ever! so i expect more dictionary/thesaurus starter pack memes in our future, no matter what genre it’ll end up in
that being said, i think she’ll be staying in pop. i maaaaybe could see a kind of pop rock thing happening— think like, the electric guitar she adds to don’t blame me when it’s preformed live.
regardless i do think she’ll be pulling in more rep influences— i’m not super in the buisness of trying to track down when exactly she’s been re-recording, so this is coming from swiftie brain rot not timeline brain rot, but if i had to guess i would say she was mostly recording rep over the summer and with the occasional ts11 track thrown in as well. but i could be wrong maybe she has three albums recorded. idk. i am very interested in what the rep sounds like though, i think that’ll be the biggest clue to what ts11 will sound like
i’m curious how auto-biographical it’ll be. honestly, i could see taylor creating a single character to inhabit and tracking their story throughout an album, which would parallel the emotions she’s going through, but not the exact situations. but that’s me projecting what i would need to do to process the fucking year she’s been through, and taylor has consistently been saying how much she gets from having people sing back the words thought she must be alone in thinking, so like maybe it’ll be intensely About Her, who knows
as for release, i’m a big post eras tour believer. like i know it’s been said a million times but god how impossible would it be to add another set to that thing. like we might get the announcement and lead single while still on tour, but not a full album
i’m also expecting a more talk-y rollout. i would bet we’re getting a couple of print interviews— not anywhere near 1989 or lover levels, but like, you know. rolling stone, vogue, maybe another time, that kind of thing. and in front of camera stuff too— zane lowe, a bbc live longe, some late night appearances, maybe going on kelly clarkson’s show. and maaaaybe a hot wings episode. maybe. i think taylor got a bit burned by the long roll out for lover, and regardless she had other priorities when it came to the midnights release, but it’s been a while and she does like to surprise people by doing something completely predictable. but also this is totally me being like pleaseeeee give interviews they help me with timeline research so much
i predict this every time but visual album!!! if i keep saying it one day it’ll be true!!! it just makes sense she’s been getting so into directing!!!
while we’re in the realm of things that would make me specifically go insane i just think it would be funny if she got paul mccartney to feature on a song. just to be petty. imagine your ex is releasing an album and she gets one of your favorite musicians to play on it. and after the sweet nothing debacle too. oh. so ouchie. also she would have paul fucking mccartney on an album that’s insane in its own right
while we’re throwing spaghetti at the wall. two word title. let’s get crazy maybe 3+ words why not (this is by far the least serious prediction if the title is more than one word i’ll lose my mind)
maybe some religious imagery for the visuals? i’m trying to think of aesthetics taylor hasn’t thoroughly explored. what’s coming to mind is stained glass windows and like, the wild west. this is not at all influenced by me being raised catholic in the american southwest what are you talking about
so to sum up i think i want a pop rock opera with a title along the lines of “the blank of firstname lastname” about a woman in the wild west that has climatic scenes in a cathedral?? i guess that’s the shape i want?? i was not aware that’s what i wanted when i started writing this post okay
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Regarding the catmask political media post, I wanted to ask what you think this person in the tags is trying to say: https://www.tumblr.com/parmak/740643318981165056
Aside from the fact that they are pretentious as hell?
Well, the simple version is that, if one understands the political and social mores of a time and a place, one can analyze the media generated by people from said time and place, and see how it was shaped by the social norms, or rejection of said social norms.
In a way without one's head truly up the ass it's little more than 'context explains content'. But that's simplifying the CONCEPT of the tags, because there's also that second layer there as well.
That they, PERSONALLY, reject the idea that things can exist outside of politics. To the point of openly claiming that Miyazaki's 'my works are not political' position is a false one. 'I don't agree with him that his works are not political' no, you fucking dolt, you don't get to make that distinction for someone else.
But those are the two layers of the tags, the mix between 'one's environment, social and physical, informs one's creations' and 'they don't understand context for shit because they're terminally online'...
Oh, and one more thing. They referenced Grave of the Fireflies as part of their proof that things are shaped by politics?
Except Grave of the Fireflies isn't actually political either. It's auto-biographical. Aside from the ending where BOTH siblings die, it's mostly true to life of the original author, who wrote about his own survival post ww2 and the toll it took on him and how it lead to the death of his sister.
And that's how it really is to people like that. Your lived experience isn't your lived experience, it's their political messaging.
Because you don't matter, what matters is how they can use you to get the world to do what they want.
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This has to be auto-biographical. This feels way too personal and I'm kind of astonished here.
I'm not sure what to make of this.
#sea of stars#goodshipgaming#goodshiptalks#also I think the annoying music is also getting to me#And it is almost 4Am right now#post
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