#August: You dont need a reason to save people || Memes

[weabooweedwitch]

Girl do you love him or do you love the approval he gives you? Do you love him as a person for who he is, or is he the first guy to show you attention and you think he's the only guy who will ever be interested in you? Sorry if that's blunt but there's a key difference and you have to be careful with this stuff because you don't want your vulnerabilities to be taken advantage of. The speed at which you've gone from 'I like him he's a nice friend' to 'I love him' is a little concerning. Go slow!!! Figure out if he's actually worth your time, be on the lookout for red flags and don't gloss over them or ignore them just to keep the relationship. Figure out if you actually like *him* separate from his approval and validation, ask yourself which qualities he has that you like/find attractive. Any rando in the world could give you those 2 things, they have nothing to do with him as a person. And don't get attached too quickly, you need to be emotionally able to back out if he's showing major 🚩🚩🚩 at any point!

(source: dated a "nice guy" for those exact 2 reasons confusing it for love, 'fell in love' fast and basically ruined the life I had because he turned out to be a cheating abuser)

(I know I've been making a lot of long ass posts and answers lately, my bad :c, I actually was trying to reply to this during my shift and then was so bushed after I got home I fell asleep)

No you're totally right dont get me wrong, very valid concerns, and I think about this constantly because I don't want to fuck up and say something to him and turn around and not mean it or whatever, or like torally ruin our friendship and creep him out and chase him away. Idk. I guess I just think of our relationship and it's always been kind of weird but good in that online friend way?

So we met and began talking around 8, 9, 10 years ago and you know we were a little flirty back then but you know, nothing serious, we were mostly just buds talking about video games and such. And we just... our friendship back then is so similar to how it is now? Like I stopped talking to him before I turned 18 (for this exact same reason actually: catching feelings and feeling like I'm putting him in a weird position) and he sought me out this year all the time later sometime in August or November, like he literally scoured facebook for me, me specifically to reconnect because he lost people during the pandemic and had a few bouts of depression and was seeking lost connections and like. Talking to him feels exactly the same. Exactly the same. He often messages me first, to send memes or jokes or start talking about a topic, like we were talking basically every day, and since we reconnected it's been exactly the same? 🥺

But I also recognize like. There was about an 8 or so year gap in our communication so I guess we have only technically known each other for like 2 or 3ish years? But 🥺 it still feels the same. I still like talking to him. We agree on a lot of things and when we don't he is always respectful, he isn't one of those guys who starts shitting on you and demeaning you. And he doesn't enable me either! He's supportive of my mental health struggles and that I'm trying but he also pointed a lot of stuff out to me when I was spending time with him, like telling me I smoke way too much (his exact phrasing was "herb addled") and said I need to cut down for my health 🥺 and like lmao we got stoned and took a 3am walk to the 7/11 and he kind of, lol, stopped me from getting way too much food just because I had munchies, and also was trying to save me money because, you know, gas station food isn't always cheap

I dunno, he. Inspires me to be a better person. But I also recognize that even if we get along really well and have known each other for some time that I don't actually know a lot about him personally. Like I keep forgetting how old he is, I didn't know he had siblings, I only recently started finding out like his music tastes and such, idk. I want to learn more about him and share moments and things with him 🥺

We also just have a lot of really good conversations. Like it's weird we've just been able to talk so easily and so often without even knowing each other super personally which is the step that's coming now I guess?

I guess if I were to start listing things off about him that I like... He's very honest. I never have to be afraid he's secretly thinking something different; he's an open communicator, albeit a little blunt at times but he jokingly often refers to that as 'a side effect of the 'tism' but it's helpful you know? He doesn't mince words? Like he told me straight up that I tend to ramble sometimes because I'm insecure of the silence and that's totally correct. He encourages me to get away from my mom and kind of just my family in general, encourages me to be more of my own person. Like there have been so many many MANY conversations over the years and recently too where I'm just kind of venting to him and he gives me not just support but feedback, it's not just all "wow that sucks sorry to hear" but also "that's tough but it is a challenge you can overcome". There are so many times where I don't trust my own judgment and he's gone "no you didn't deserve that, that was really shitty, you didn't do anything wrong"

He's so smart 🥰 he's one of those guys that you go to tell him about something and he already knows, and also probably knows more than you do. He's getting a degree in botany or horticulture of some kind (his grades are so good too, he's shown me his like report card whatever, I'm so proud) and he's very avid and passionate about the environment and like, "being the change you want to see in the world". Like I loved going to his house and seeing all his gorgeous plants which he takes care of so meticulously and he knows all their scientific names and stuff. He grows succulents, man. Bitches love succulents

He's good at figuring out what he wants and working towards that goal. Hes good at regulating and setting boundaries on things that might be detrimental, like after I came back from the visit, he let me know that he was going to start turning his phone off at certain hours because of school now that jos break was over, he usually let's me know when he's going to bed so I'm not hanging on for a reply or anything. He's actually trying to distance from certain forms of like social media and online content because he thinks there's way too much stuff that's frivolous now and like, that can sometimes sound vaguely douchey but I actually totally agree? Like the amount of time I spend on my phone is insane and I know I'm wasting so much time on bullshit and I wish I could take control like he can

So uh, the uh, the night we had sex, right. I was going to use a rideshare service and no one was available and it was like 3am. And I was sitting there and he was saying "no I'm not going to let you try and walk out there at night it's not safe" and being caring like that and i just started crying and he started to hold me, like I was sitting in the couch and he was standing and he just hunched down to hold me because that was what I needed. I started apologizing, that I always felt like he's having to take care of me, that I hate being such a burden, and he soothed all those worries and just, kept holding me. He actually sat down on the couch next to me so he could hold me for a while as I just sobbed, squeezing me really tight, rocking me back and forth until I calmed down, which I eventually did, and it kind of came to the topic of where to sleep, and he says something like "it would be a lot easier to hold you if we were both lying down" which, was kind of going to be implied anyways. I kind of knew going up there we were probably going to get physical haha. But he wasn't bringing it up in a crazy way, you know? And when he was going into his bedroom and I kind of hesitated because I was nervous, he kind of, gave me this pause and this look like he was asking if I was coming but it was ok if I didn't, you know? He made sure I was OK, and I was. And we just lied in his bed cuddling as I sniffled and we just started talking about all sorts of stuff and, yeah

I mean. The sex itself was. Like. It's. Not to be cheesy but it was genuinely how I always wanted my first time to be, although this was my second time and the first was so icky we ain't gonna talk about it lmao. Perfect communication, asking how i felt, if I had any feedback, was there anything specific I wanted to do WHICH HE DID BTW fjfjgngjg. Like I felt SO comfortable and safe. I even got a little bold with him in ways that literally light my face on fire but it was because I trusted him so much. Like literally there was a point where he said I could do whatever I wanted to him and you know what I did? I started massaging his hand and arm where his injury is, I had him lay on his tummy so I could massage his back, because I wanted him to feel better, like ever since I hears he was injured I was wanting to try and help him like that 🥺

There were points where we were just, cuddling naked, just peaceful, feeling the warmth of each other's skin. I was the little spoon AND the big spoon and he'd be resting his head on my chest or tummy and I'd just be running my fingers through his hair and he also makes these little groaning noises when something feels good so it's like he purrs a little bit 🥰 and I mean. There was definitely some spice too but idk how comfortable you guys are in hearing those parts. Like for example there were a few times I kept accidentally bringing up my mom or rambling to be anxious and he would just silence me with a kiss because he knew I was anxious and shit. Or uh. Haha. He was kind of a biter so at some point he's trying to get an answer out of what something I would like to try was and I was being too shy so he just starts BITING ME like not hard but in a "ooo stop don't do that omg 🥰" kind of way until I came out and said it (and he did do it, quite enthusiastically too 🥵)

We talked a lot about my relationship with my mom and one of his biggest pieces of advice was something like "your mom is shitty for sure but the way you are holding on to your anger is making things worse. You're getting bent out of shape over very small things at this point and you're only stressing yourself out, you need to let some of that rage go and move on". He's actually been studying aspects of Buddhism and tries to incorporate some of those aspects into his life which o also really like, he also burned incense in his room which had a nice smell 🥰

I. I dont know. Like I fully recognize I need to spend more time with him and get to know him more before I make any significant decisions but. My heart is such a mess. Even if it's unhealthy or weird I know I feel. Even if it's temporary. Even if it's because I'm a freak. Nothing has to be said or done now. I just want to see him. Spend time with him. Support him. Recently he had an incident with a girl he liked and was talking to and spending time with and he invited her to spend time with him and she suddenly said "you make me uncomfortable" and gave him a really bad depressive episode? And he said during our visit, "yeah I'm gonna keep trying but next time it falls through I'm giving up on dating apps" and like. Last night I was thinking... if it's making him feel so depressed and alone... I would completely humiliate myself just to soothe him. I'd tell him I love him and how much he means to me and say "even if you don't want me, even if I'll never be that person for you, I want you to know you're capable of making people feel this way and you're worthy of love and even if it isn't me I know you'll find someone someday because youre smart and caring and responsible and wonderful"

And I mean... that's love isn't it? 🥺

[wileyfoxwrites]

August FMK: Rasa, Benet, Lea.

"I don't think I know any of these people so I'll have to go by what I've seen and heard I guess...what is that, like a gut feeling or something? I don't know."

Fuck: Lea's pretty. And she has chocolate which could be fun and tasty at the same time.

Murder: Rasa. She's married and I'm not someone who is a homewrecker. Wait, killing her would be worse, wouldn't it? This is hard.

Kiss: Benet. He's probably great at it. Experience and all. And even I like a daddy sometimes.

@scorpio-musing, @museplanet-hq, @nightmarechildwrites

[bellybiologist]

Current Dealings and Collecting Some Feedback/Opinions

(This is a post on my patreon, copypasted to here)

Hey guys, Just coming to reiterated what some of my original plans were, what's going on personally, and to collect some feedback on what I want to try to do this November and December.

Currently, since my mom passed, my household BASICALLY lost somewhere between 1/2 to 2/3rds of our income, and my patreon earnings are, atm, the only income I'm getting to pay for rent and all our various other bills until my aunt finds steady employment (she has some income working for a friend, but that friend is a douche and she's trying to get out of that).

It's been real rough for the both of us. Just recently, we paid off the 300+ dollar bill for the electricity that the oxygen compressor my mom required just to breathe at home for the couple months before she died, and only with help from my uncle.

She passed in august, we had her cremated, and we had her funeral and had to deal with a lot of stuff she hoarded in September due to apartment management needing to deal with maintenance. And i'm just currently... not feeling great if i'm being honest, especially after her birthday which was on the 13th of october (3 days before mine which was on the 16th).

Fall/Winter is always rough because its the season my mood drops in general, and the fact that i've recently lost my favorite person this year has my anxiety at an all time high, and energy at an all time low. I'm getting work done slowly, but my constant mood is basically that one meme image of Coraline's dad from the movie.

Anyway. I definitely need a break before i burn out or simply break down. Initially, I planned on taking my month off in January, but I think i'm going to need to take some time off earlier so i dont really crash and burn.

However, I can't really take a break cuz i need the income due to the above reasons. I only have like, 2 months rent saved up at any given point, so I'm feeling very pressured to power through and keep working... which, objectively, is not a great idea for anyone's mental/physical health, especially when I haven't felt like i had time to properly grieve and acclimate, and it's starting to catch up to me.

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So here's a proposition that I'd like to collect feedback on.

For November, December, and maybe January, I will continue to produce patreon exclusive content. But during these month's, I will be producing a reduced amount, thus giving me more time to rest, and more time to finally catch up on the commissions i owe (I'm very sorry for those who have been waiting since April. I simply could not predict how devastating my summer was gonna be 😔. I appreciate all of you guys' patience, but if it's still too much of a wait, do remember i still offer refunds as long as i havent sent a completed piece... which basically means you all apply, lmao.)

So for the month's with reduced content, I will still hold theme and character polls for people to exert their voting powers. However! I will only be doing fills for the first top 3 winners, and each will only be getting a single fill (as in, no sequences, similar to the 3rd and 4th place fills).

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Let me know what you think! I'm hoping this temporary set up wont last no longer than into January and that i can get back on the ball and have an at least half-way decent 2022, but it's gonna take some doing for sure. Once again, thanks for all of your support! Despite how badly things went this year, the few things I was able to do for my mother while she was sick this summer is all thanks to you guys. So i'm eternally grateful for that. 🙏🏽

[charmingstrangeness]

I'm so sorry, I missed the writing ask meme! If you still feel like answering questions, I'm sending 3, 5, 9, 15, 23!

oh pfft don’t apologize haha it’s all good! thank you for sending an ask, i’m always happy to answer!!

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

g o d this is so hard to choose you have no idea????? i’m just gonna drop a whole bunch of my favourite bullshit here (each bullet is also a link to the fic it’s taken from)

all of the dialogue from the oso zine fic tbh but especially during osomatsu’s narration

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura,” he corrects. “And yes, I would have woken you up. I’m here because I need your help.” / “I’m not a trained psychiatrist, Zura. I can’t give you the help you need,” Gintoki deadpans.

i’m very fond of the fight scene in the first chapter of the nightmares fic i genuinely feel like i did a good job with that

stealing dialogue from the iconic “that’s no moon” scene in a new hope for sakamoto and mutsu

“You’re an angry sack of potatoes, is what you are”

“Where did that idiot headband learn to play volleyball from, Free! Iwatobi Swim Club?”

the entire opening scene of the crossover fic i had no idea breaking the fourth wall to roast yourself was so much fun no wonder it’s a staple joke in gintama

5. most popular fic this year

this is actually tough bc i feel like it was distraction or pacifists are the best mediators as those got the best response overall when they were posted but i guess technically speaking by the numbers it was eating cheese before you sleep will give you nightmares. that being said tho it is a multichap and it didnt pass either of the other two in terms of hits or kudos until like, super late into the fall, and both are oneshots

(ao3 stats is putting distraction at the top of hits and kudos for 2017 but that’s because i just published a chapter of nightmares so it got bumped to the 2018 stats lol)

9. longest wip of the year

oh definitely the crossover fic - i know i’ve been publishing chapters but i have nothing written past what i’ve already published so it counts as a WIP hahaha. currently it’s sitting just shy of 14.5k words, all of which were written in the fall of 2017.

if we’re only including 100% unpublished stuff though, my longest WIP is that one gintama multichap i’ve been dying to write (aka The Long Fic). it’s sitting at about 7k words right now? damn and i’m only on like chapter 2 that thing’s gonna be a beast when i finally finish it and start posting

15. something you learned this year

mmmm probably the importance of having a personal reason to write a fic? for one thing, now that i can’t just sit in my room and write fic all day like i could in may i really need prioritize – if i’m gonna put the effort into writing something, it needs to be a story that i desperately want to exist, or a a piece that benefits me as a writing study or vent fic, or i need to be writing it for someone else (like for someone’s birthday or a zine).

also – and debatably more importantly – having a personal reason to write and publish helps when audience response is lacking. everyone knows i think it’s very important for creators to absolutely not measure their quality/worth by audience response, but as human beings who thrive on validation that is definitely something easier said than done. i learned that firsthand this summer, ironically with the nightmares fic – i had exactly zero comments on that fic for months, until i posted the fifth chapter in the fall. it was super discouraging & i came very, very close to falling into the “well obviously no one cares about this fic i should just stop writing it” hole over the summer. what ultimately saved the fic was the fact that i’d been using it as a style study for descriptive imagery and serious content. so i focused on that, and kept on writing, and then in the fall a whole bunch of people appeared out of the woodwork telling me how much they enjoyed it and looked forward to new chapters.

so yeah, that was an important lesson – even if you know you cant rely on audience response for validation, it’s still discouraging to not get any response, so a good way to get around that and finish your project is to have a personal reason for the project to exist. also, having a personal reason can help prioritize what projects you start when you have to balance your time with care.

(the other lesson, of course, is that thinking for even a second that people dont appreciate your writing is bullshit – comments i got in the fall concretely proved all my doubts about my writing from the summer wrong, so moving forward it’ll be easier to believe that people enjoy my fics even if they dont ever get around to saying so)

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

i had a really cute idea for a birthday fic for shinpachi but i was too busy in august to actually write it ;; i want it to exist too much to abandon it entirely so i’ll probably just write it and publish it sometime in the coming months lmao (birthdays are meaningless in gintama anyways since the characters don’t age so w h a t e v e r)

i was realllllly hoping to write another part to the drinking bet series in the fall but i didnt manage to get anything even to a WIP stage

i have like 5 ongoing WIPs that i was hoping to sort out over the fall as well. i had such high hopes for myself this fall idk why? like we all know the only reason i wrote so much in may and june was because i was literally unemployed and isolating myself after a breakup so i had a fuckton of spare time on hand. i knew i was moving in the fall and would have a job and a roommate to socialize with i dont know why i expected myself to get so much writing done lmao

[wileyfoxwrites]

August Wyatt Robinson || 36 || Personal Guard to Charlotte Hanover

Name Pronunciation: Ahguhst Family: Archer Robinson (Younger Half Brother) Hometown: Sydney Birthday: January 24th Age: 36 Sexuality: Bisexual Preferred Pronouns: He/Him Aliases, if any: Auggie Nationality: Australian Religion, if applicable: Agnostic Parents’ names: Father - Max Robinson, Mother - Florence Robinson Current relationship status: Single Previous relationships: N/A

Under the cut there are mentions of gun violence, cheating, and illegitimate children.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Height: 6′1 Hair colour: Blonde Eye colour: Blue Glasses/contacts: None Tattoos: He has a sleeve on his right arm dedicated to Disney characters, Jack Skellington is a huge feature of it. He’s a Disney nut, shh.  Piercings: None Typical clothing style: He’s usually in his uniform but when he’s not working he can be found in a t-shirt and jeans/shorts. Always in flip flops if he’s not working. Distinguishing features (scars, birthmarks, freckles, etc): He has a scar on his left shoulder from a bullet wound he sustained when saving Charlotte from an attack ten years ago.  Dominant hand: Right

HEALTH

Health issues or illnesses, if any:  Allergies, if any: Peanuts Exercise habits: He has to keep in shape for his job (or so he says) so he’s in the gym pretty often on top of the exercise he gets while surfing. Dietary habits: He’ll eat most things but if it has onions in it he’s out. He also hates chocolate, don’t @ him. His peanut allergy also limits his diet a bit, especially when it comes to fried foods if they use peanut oil.

PERSONALITY

Accent: Before he became Charlotte’s guard he hadn’t left Australia before so he’d never been exposed to anything other than the Australian accent making his pretty prominent.  Speech style: He tries his best to be as proper as possible around the royals but he’s also...not the brightest. Sometimes he can’t think of the right word and ends up proving he isn’t the most intelligent out there. Most used word or phrase: You probably shouldn’t... Do they curse?: Occasionally Any secrets? His half brother doesn’t know that their father isn’t his father. August found out when Archer was born and his parents made him swear to not tell him. It was a lot to put on an eleven year old but he’s kept the secret to this day. Top priority/ies: Right now it’s to keep Charlotte safe while keeping tabs on his brother since he’s in Thailand too. Most treasured possession: He was given a medal for his role in saving princess Charlotte’s life and he holds onto it because according to him it was the start of his actual career. Addictions, if any: None Phobias: None Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

PERSONAL

Education level: High school diploma and he graduated from the police academy. Languages spoken: English Hobbies: He likes to surf, work out, and he’s somehow really good at poker...or just really lucky.

Biography/Headcanons

At a young age it was clear right away that August wasn’t the brightest of kids out there. Despite his lack of common sense though he was a sweet little boy who always wanted to look out for everyone else, make everyone else happy, and smile along with them. As long as he was taking care of others he was thriving himself. He did well with this throughout his early years until his parents told him that he would be receiving a little brother soon. All was well with that, Auggie was excited and planned to help out his parents as much as he could, until his willingness to be the best big brother lead him to overhearing a conversation he never should have heard. It turns out his mother had cheated on his father and Archer wasn’t a result of his parents love at all. His little brother was the result of too many years of neglect and no communication until it was too late and the poor kid was going to be the one to suffer from it. Once his parents realized he was there they sat him down and explained that they were working on their marriage while asking that Auggie never mention the indiscretion to Archer. He was under the impression that they would tell his brother when they felt the time was right and kept his mouth shut over the years yet here they were, twenty-five years later and Archer still had no clue.

 Which is why the guy is so protective of Archer. His whole life he devoted himself to taking care of his little brother, making sure he was happy and healthy and in the moments when he wasn’t he was there just to be there. His role of caretaker became his whole identity and it bled into the life that he leads now. 

Not being the smartest out there, August barely graduated from high school but luckily had friends with connections to the police academy. He worked harder than he ever had before to be in his chosen profession and ended up graduating the academy with the highest physical test scores in his class while scraping by in the written portion. He spent years keeping in tip top shape and working towards promotion after promotion but he never got too far...at least not until the fateful day he’d met princess Charlotte Hanover. 

It was an event being held for the royal family and the police presence was in full force after threats were swirling around. Auggie just so happened to spot something suspicious and started to follow his instincts, the man inching his way through the crowd until the threat became completely clear. Before the shot rang out he was already running towards the stage, confusion spreading through the citizens he bowled over, until the gun went off and the screaming started. But he had made it in time, August jumping in front of Charlotte before anyone else could react and taking the bullet that was meant for her to his left shoulder. When he woke up in the hospital the king was there to give his thanks and offer August a job on his security team, something that completely floored the man but had him accepting almost immediately. It’s one of the greatest achievements of his life and August is definitely proud of following his gut that day so that he could keep Charlotte safe. 

He’s been with Charlotte ever since. Ten years has passed since that moment and luckily August hasn’t had to protect her from anything as intense but his position with the royal guard started having effects on his own family. After Archer told him that he wanted to follow in his brother’s foot steps August could only feel a mixture of pride and fear, the emphasis being on the second emotion. The older of the Robinson boys has always been the protector, always been the one looking out for his brother, and now he had to watch as the boy vowed to protect somebody else. It’s caused a lot of stress in his life especially with Archer heading to a different country for his own position but he’s done his best to keep a cool head about the situation. Still, August calls Archer daily just to make sure the boy is okay and he can’t help it when his brother crosses his mind more often than he should. He knows that Archer can take care of himself, that he’s been training, but his job has always been to be there for his family. It’s a little strange being there for someone else instead.