#At times like this I wish I had a workshop area for my creative stuff lol

[thyandrawrites]

I did my hawks cosplay try on today to check that everything was right and I snapped a couple of pics since I was at it. Now that I'm sorting them, I noticed that you can def see my hawks merch around the room in some of them lmaoo

It's criminal how little dabi merch I own (I'm stupidly picky with him). I could've sent dabihawks subliminal messages

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

could i request some writing of an obstinate character on a mission despite going through the beginnings of an awful, itchy head cold while being challenged by a snarky, teasing rival of sorts that’s trying to get them admit that they’re sick? super vague prompt i know, but i’d love to see writing of this and give you as much creative liberty with it!

Did anyone order 16th century Italian sickfic? No? 😅

This may not be exactly what you were expecting, anon, but I hope you like it just the same! You did say I could have some creative liberty, and this fic was a fun creative exercise :) @groundcontrol21 challenged/inspired me to write a fic set in the Renaissance era, and I couldn't resist! I went with "project" rather than "mission", but otherwise your prompt leant itself nicely to this concept. I tried to write it to have the feel of being "translated". Y'all can be the judge of how successful I was. Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated!

Minimal snz in most of the story because of plot reasons, but I tried to sneak a bunch where I could.

Read more of my stuff here! (Works best on desktop)

My asks are always open for prompts!

AN ARTIST’S STUDY ON ILLNESS:

"My friends, I must tell you, It overwhelms me at times when I think of how fortunate we are to have been chosen to work under Master Michelangelo!"

"At least once a week you remind us of such, Jacopo," muttered Agnolo. 

"And I'll continue to remind you whenever I think of it! Who are we to have been given such an opportunity?" Jacopo's perpetually sunny smile brightened all the more as he said this. However, his good cheer was lost on his three companions that morning, who were still half-asleep as they trudged to their job site.

"Cat got your tongue, Giuliano? Any other day you would be preaching along with him about our good fortune and our duty to do our work with excellence," Bastiano remarked snidely.

Giuliano, who was dragging at the back of the party, started when he heard his name. "Apologies, I was lost in my own thoughts," he muttered with a sniffle. "But Jacopo speaks true. We are fortunate and should remember to behave accordingly."

Bastiano sighed, and Giuliano imagined he rolled his eyes, but no one else spoke the rest of their journey. Walking to the site together each morning had been their routine ever since they had come to work in the Vatican. They had been hired from Florence to assist Master Michelangelo with his massive fresco work. Previously, Giuliano and Jacopo had worked together at Rosselli's artist workshop and Bastiano and Agnolo at Ghirlandaio's.

Arriving at the chapel of Pope Sixtus IV, which many had already taken to calling the Sistine Chapel, the four men reported as usual to Signor Francesco Granacci, to whom Master Michelangelo had entrusted the oversight of the project.

Signor Granacci greeted them in his easy-going way. "You are all quite familiar with the process by now, gentlemen. Today we will have Signori Jacopo and Agnolo applying the plaster to the wall, and Signori Giuliano and Bastiano preparing and mixing the plaster. I wish I did not need to remind you that Master Michelangelo requires silence as he paints. However, he mentioned to me that there has been too much conversation as he works of late, and he would like to see this remedied." Signor Granacci paused, giving them a disappointed look, and most of them had the sense to look appropriately guilty. "I expect you to correct yourselves in this area, gentlemen," their foreman continued. "Do not disappoint me or yourselves. Now, to your duties if you please." With a last warning look, Signor Granacci left to see to his other responsibilities.

They set to work at once. Signor Granacci was quite fair in how he gave assignments, rotating the tasks as well as the partner pairings equally amongst the four men. Each day two of them had the task of applying the plaster for the fresco for Michelangelo while he applied the paint. This way they all had the opportunity to work near the Master (though of course Master Michelangelo never spoke to any of them).

Giuliano had never had an issue with how the work was divided previously. However his assignment for the day only worsened his already sour mood. His eyes and head ached miserably, and he didn't relish breathing in the dust from the sand and lime all day. Not only that, but Bastiano was his least favorite of his fellow assistants. Bastiano believed himself far superior to his peers and took every opportunity to remind them of such with his arrogant demeanor and snide glances and comments.

Giuliano suppressed a sigh as he took up the bag of lime and began to prepare the plaster mixture. He had briefly considered staying home today, for he felt quite under the weather. However, as Jacopo frequently reminded them, working with Master Michelangelo was the opportunity of a lifetime. Giuliano already felt unworthy of such recognition, and he would rather die than not come in and have the Master think him lazy or unappreciative.

 However, his body clearly disagreed with that decision. The dust from the plaster mixture made him want to cough immediately and repeatedly. Instead of coughing though, he had to make do with soft, unsatisfying throat clearings. The effort of choking back coughs again and again quickly made his eyes begin to water and sting. Soon enough his already tender throat was burning and raw.

His nose was another matter altogether. It had been dripping incessantly since he woke, and the dust was only making it worse. His sinuses positively itched with irritation, and the urge to sneeze was immense. Yet Master Michelangelo demanded silence as he worked. Sneezing in the chapel was therefore out of the question, so Giuliano was reduced to constant sniffling. For the more stubborn tickles, he was forced to either bury his nose in his shoulder or else pinch his nostrils shut completely, and had more than one close call. The effort was exhausting and in no time his head was throbbing in agony and his vision hazy with fatigue.

Bastiano clearly noticed his distress and was taking pleasure in it. Every time Giuliano clapped a hand to his face or quickly brought his nose to his shoulder, the other man would chuckle softly. Of course, Bastiano could not resist the urge to gloat for long. "All right, Giuliano? Seems you're having some trouble with the dust today. Perhaps you should step outside for a bit," he murmured eventually, barely audible, his eyes dancing wickedly.

Giuliano hardly had the strength to heed his rival's goading, and made a noncommittal noise in response.

Yet Bastiano was persistent. A little while later, he again leaned over to whisper:

"You look unwell, Signor Giuliano. You really ought to take a break. I'm sure Master Michelangelo won't mind."

"Hold your tongue," Giuliano muttered,  attempting to glare through red, watery eyes. Bastiano merely smiled and returned to stirring the plaster, looking smug.

At long last, their lunch hour arrived. Giuliano dragged himself outside behind his companions in a weary fog. He felt hot and clammy, but the temperate breeze outside the chapel made him shiver miserably. He seated himself away from the others, finally giving in to the pressure in his sinuses with a volley of thick, spraying sneezes:

"Gihhh-HESHH'eeeww! Hihh'IHHSH'eeew!! Hhxx'AHKKT-choo! Hggh'nxxgt-CHOOOF!!

HehYEISHHoo! ESSHHuue!!" 

Grimacing at the mess he'd made of his hands, he did his best to wipe up the aftereffects with a scrap of cloth, then let his head drop with a defeated groan.

"Saints help you, and many blessings! You look most unwell, dear Giuliano!" came a voice from beside him. Giuliano blearily  raised his eyes to find Jacopo had seated himself at his side. Concern was written all over the younger man's features. Jacopo's hand hovered in the space between them, as if he wanted to reach out and help, or perhaps feel for a fever, but had hesitated. "You ought to ask Signor Granacci if you could take leave for the rest of today. I quite fear for your well-being!"

Giuliano gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I wish you wouldn't fret, my friend. It's true, I really am most unwell. And Bastiano is being a beast. Yet what am I to do? What would *you* do, were you in my place? I wouldn't dare disappoint Signor Granacci or Master Michelangelo. And if I take leave, Bastiano will be insufferable for weeks. I couldn't give him such pleasure, or such ammunition. No, I'll do whatever I must to finish out the day."

Jacopo gave him a worried look, but had no reply, because they both knew Giuliano was right. Any of the four assistants would do the exact same thing were they in Giuliano's shoes. He had simply drawn the unlucky straw.

Their lunch hour ended all too soon. Giuliano took every opportunity he could to sneeze before it did, but he felt no better for it, and once back inside, he felt the misery of holding off sneezing as acutely as ever. Breathing had also begun to be painful due to an aching thickness in his chest, and the dusty, acrid-smelling air inside the dim chapel made his lungs feel all the heavier. 

Giuliano knew not how he lasted the rest of the day. He pressed on moment by moment, with only the effort of holding off coughing and sneezing keeping him awake. Eventually his legs began to tremble as sweat dripped down his neck and back. Fatigue made his limbs heavy and clumsy even as his myalgia and fever made him lightheaded. 

The one mercy was that Bastiano stopped his teasing after seeing the visible deterioration in his partner's health. Once the sick man was visibly sweating and shaking, Bastiano began shooting him worried glances. He also took over the lion's share of the work without comment. Only once more did he lean over to mutter:

"Seriously, you really ought to pack it in, mate. No job is worth your life, and it looks to me like you're at death's door." He was no longer goading now, but seemed genuinely concerned.

Giuliano met his eyes with a slushy sniffle. "Only a few more hours. I'll survive. Never fear."

The rest of the day passed in a haze of misery and mucous. Giuliano was hardly sensible of what went on around him. All of his energy was focused on staying upright, moving his limbs, and fighting his itchy sinuses and raw throat. Most days he couldn't help but watch, mesmerized, as Master Michelangelo worked on his beautiful creation. Today he only glanced at the painter to ensure his stifled sneezes were going unnoticed. Thankfully, it seemed they were. He noticed Jacopo shooting him worried glances every now and then, but the Master didn't once turn around, as usual.

At long last the order to pack up rang through the chapel. Only a few more minutes until freedom. Giuliano picked up the empty sacks that had held the plaster components, preparing to dispose of them as usual. The biggest cloud of dust he had yet seen that day was immediately stirred up from the cloth, however. His breath hitched violently, and he knew this time there would be no stifling from the desperate way his lungs were gasping and the itch in his sinuses that overpowered all other senses. 

With no other option, Giuliano dashed out of the chapel as quickly as he dared, a hand pressed desperately to his face. Once he was out in fresh air, he fell to his hands and knees on the sun-warmed stones, the thick, wet sneezes exploding out of him almost before he could take a breath:

"Gihh'HHIIHH'shieww!! GiihhZSSHH'chuh!! HehgESZZSH'sheeww!! hehDIISSHHuue!!"

The sneezes depleted what little energy that remained to him, and his limbs trembled violently with the effort of supporting his weight. He managed to take a shuddering breath, mess dripping down his face, but it seemed his body was intent on clearing itself of every irritant, because he had hardly a moment's respite before he began to cough--harsh, chesty coughs that made stars flash before his eyes and seemed to tear his chest in two. He coughed and coughed and coughed until he was gasping for breath, and then he knew no more.

~~~~~~~~~~

Giuliano awoke that later that evening. The first thing he became aware of was the setting sun bathing him in gentle warmth. He looked around groggily, every joint and muscle aching and weary. He was covered with a light blanket, his head pillowed on a cushion, and lying on a pallet on the floor. He gradually realized he was in the local workshop that the four assistants had been using as their base of operations since coming from Florence, which was just around the corner from the chapel. 

The dust motes in the air here were just as traitorous as those in the chapel. At the mercy of his itchy sinuses once more, Giuliano sat up in a rush, beginning to sneeze even as he did so:

"Huh'GEHHH'shoo! HuhYEISSHHooo! hehKSHHHshuu!! IXXSHH-shue!!" 

He remained hunched over for a few moments, but when it seemed the immediate threat of sneezing had passed, he slowly laid back down, miserably congested and overwarm, but already drifting toward sleep again. Then, a cool hand on his face startled him. He forced his heavy lids open and struggled to focus on the face hovering above the hand, his throbbing head hampering him.

"Jacopo," he murmured after a moment, thankful to see a familiar face. "What…?" His mind was still too sluggish to grasp on a more complete thought, and his throat was too sore to voice one anyway, so he left it at that.

"Hush, friend. You must rest, for you are blistering with fever." The usually boisterous young man was subdued, examining his friend anxiously for other signs of worsening illness.

Giuliano contemplated this for a moment. Meanwhile, Jacopo began to bathe his friend's face with a cool rag, making goosebumps erupt all over the sick man. This in turn made him gasp, and the gasp then became a hoarse, scraping cough. Jacopo grimaced at the sound, but continued trying to cool him, and Giuliano had to force himself to not shy away from the cold water. 

Giuliano had many questions about the events following his collapse and leading up to the present moment, but he asked none of them, knowing he was too feverish to remember the answers in the morning anyway. He let the silence linger instead, until it was broken by Jacopo.

"You could have died today, or been seriously injured. Imagine if you had been on the scaffolding when you collapsed as you did. A job will never be worth that risk, my friend," Jacopo chastised gently.

"Bastiano said the same," Giuliano muttered.

"Then Bastiano speaks true for once."

Giuliano fidgeted in agitation. "And yet I do not regret my decision. I would do the very same again tomorrow if need be. I did not shame myself before Master Michelangelo today, and to me that is all that matters."

"You are a stubborn man, Giuliano."

Giuliano smiled grimly. "That may be, but I'm foremost an artist, and my work will always come first."

Jacopo sighed. "Indeed. I suppose one small mercy is that you need not do the same thing again tomorrow, since it is our day of rest."

"Preciselih- lee-... hihtESHHHiew! EHHHshooo!!"

"Bless," Jacopo murmured, handing Giuliano a scrap of cloth with which to clean himself.

After a moment, Giuliano cleared his throat with a wince. "I owe you thanks, Jacopo, for I imagine it was you who brought me here from the chapel. You are too good to me, and you have my gratitude for looking after my health.

"You are like a brother to me. I am happy to do it."

"You may not be so happy when you fall sick with this fever yourself, my friend," Giuliano said ruefully, a hoarse cough accentuating his point. 

"Never fear, for I am just as stubborn as you, and I have firmly decided to not fall ill. So you see, it's all settled."

The two men shared a small smile as the setting sun bathed them and the rest of the Vatican in its warm, orange glow.

[princepestilence]

Hey Samson, I'm very much a homebody and I wanted to know if you had and tips on where to meet cool queer people?

Hello there! I’m honestly very flattered that you thought to ask me, because that makes me feel like I must look like I’ve got my stuff sorted out and am living that #queer community dream–but that’s not actually entirely true and I sort of want to preface anything else I say with the fact that I am still very much in the process of trying to find more cool people to bring into my life myself, because I’m not where I want to be on that front yet. I’ve been super lucky so far, but I don’t want to give the impression that I’m done meeting cool queer people. There’s a lot of friends I’m still out looking for and a lot of connections I haven’t made yet that I’d really like to, so yeah! Happy to share my thoughts but I am not an expert.

For me, there’s kind of been three major sources of finding My People so far, and those have been: work/university (which count as the same for me, since I was once a student and now I teach students and have cool queer colleagues and they know cool queer people, so it has a run-on effect), the internet, and creative art spaces. 

I think being a homebody can be a bit of a disadvantage if you want to meet cool queer people, mostly because I’ve found online queer spaces and offline queer spaces to have… very different vibes and values. Not always! I’ve definitely experienced first-hand some weird vibes that I didn’t want to tangle with in offline queer spaces (thinking specifically of the queer collective at my university). But broadly, I’ve enjoyed offline queer spaces a lot more, and found more connection with other people, and experienced more genuinely restorative and healing and positive vibes in those spaces than here on tumblr or elsewhere online. 

So that’s kind of my first piece of advice: see what’s happening in your local area regarding queer and/or artistic events! I don’t use Facebook, but there are a lot of local groups that use Facebook to organise and announce events, so if you have that, that can be a great way to keep in touch with that’s going on and see if anything strikes your fancy. For me, I go to the poetry slam every month I can make it, which is something I adore and always an experience of big queer solidarity, because it’s a bunch of creative (often queer or non-norm) people in a space that has a strongly upheld belief in the respectful spaces policy–i.e., be excellent to each other, no bigotry allowed. 

I’ve definitely lucked out with my local slam (maybe I’m biased, but it is the best one around) but a lot of events like that are places where you can walk in, sit down, and not have to really talk to anyone if you don’t want to, and get a sense of the place and the people and I’ve definitely found these spaces to be more welcoming and respectful than more… mainstream (?) events, so that can be a cool place to go. Similar things like pop-up art exhibitions (especially if they have talks or workshops) count, especially if you see anywhere that they’re LGBTQ+ friendly and/or make a clear statement of intent re: supporting grassroots or marginalised creators, etc. 

Alternatively, I can recommend queer book clubs! Sometimes these groups are specifically about reading queer lit., and sometimes the reading is just a way of bringing queer people together, and either way, that’s a good place to at least go along and suss out. If there’s none around, a great option is to actually start something like that yourself–as intimidating as that might feel. Submitting a call for interest on a queer Facebook group, for example, can help put you in contact with people who might be in your exact same boat of wanting to build community but not knowing where to start, or not yet finding the right kind of space for them. 

I personally feel book clubs (or a similar hobby exercise) are a good way to do this, since it 1. brings everyone together in one place on a regular schedule, which is good for getting to know people, 2. isn’t necessarily a huge time or energy or financial investment, which means it’s more inclusive than many other events (although obviously requires some planning and also consideration re: which books and book costs, travel costs, access to libraries etc.), 3. is overall a relaxed space that can be hosted in the daytime, away from alcohol, in a public venue such as a cafe, which for many people is more approachable, and 4. gives everyone something to talk about when they get there and for the duration, so it’s way less awkward than sitting in a circle being like, “hi, I’m gay, are you my new best friend??” or feeling obliged to generate personal conversation the whole time. If it doesn’t work out or it’s too much effort to continue, you can discontinue it at any time, so it’s a pretty low stakes approach, I feel.

Edit: totally forgot, but sometimes [hobby or passion of yours] + “queer” into search bars can show up good results! For example, sometimes there are particular gatherings or small conventions, regular gaming events, forums or talk-sites, so on. I definitely know of Ace & Aro Teatimes that are held, specifically as a way of catching up, and you might luck out and discover something like that, which is particularly great because it means you will already have an interest or hobby in common with the people you meet there. 

Off the top of my head, that’s kind of it for offline spaces. You can probably check out if your local university has a queer collective, because even if you’re not part of the university body, sometimes they will have events open to the general public etc. Like I said before, that’s not my scene, because I’ve personally found the local university queer collective to be… more similar in personality to the online spaces and also just a little more intense than I’m looking for. But! That’s not to say they’re all like that. 

As for online spaces, I met a lot of my queer friends by the sheer bizarre wheel of fate that brings people together in the disgusting blue sea of tumblr. I know that’s not helpful at all, but the piece of advice I have to offer there is that I met all these people by doing what I loved, first and foremost. I was doing my own thing, however weird, and they were doing the same, and we saw each other and went “oh cool,” and we were both queer. To a certain extent, I think this is true in all things: have fun, be yourself, and trust in queer pack magic to bring cool queer friends into your life. 

I am someone who’s very forward, I guess, and very proactive socially (and in general), so I am usually the first person in a new friendship to walk over and say, “hey! you’re cool, I love your you, tell me about yourself,” [paraphrased] and honestly that’s worked pretty much every single time. I admit my charisma rolls tend to be high (I sacrificed constitution and wisdom for them, so they better be) but I do believe that you miss all the shots you don’t take, so it’s worth reaching out. So if you come across someone that seems cool, remember that you’re also a cool person worth knowing and a good friend and give that person a chance to find that out for themselves by saying hello, because a lot of the time, the other person isn’t going to have that courage and if you wait for them, it might never happen. Easier said than done for many, I know, but it’s that whole thing with lesbian sheep (wool-oo-wools, if you will): you can’t stand there and expect someone else to know that you standing there still is a sign of how much you like them. 

I have no idea if any of this is going to be helpful to you, but I wish you so much luck in finding your people! If there’s anything I’ve said that’s not clear or needs more detail or anything, please let me know and I’ll be happy to do what I can to help. I think finding community is one of the most important things in life for queer people to do, in whatever form that takes, so I am absolutely always down to help with that in whatever ways I can. 

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | VANS HOUSE PARTIES | JAY HOWELL

A few nights back the House of Vans Brooklyn welcomed Pennywise, Sick Of It All, and Slashers to thrash up the venue! With an art installation by cartoonist and artist– the one and only–Jay Howell, it was an epic night of awesome art and punk rock. We chatted with Jay about his latest solo show Here Comes the Howellman, his Characters for Characters workshops, and about his VHP mural install. Learn more about Jay by TAKING THE LEAP. . . 

📷: Laura June Kirsch 

Introduce yourself. Jay Howell, Los Angeles. Also I’m like a cartoonist or whatever.

For the upcoming Vans House Parties in Brooklyn, what did you end up creating for the installation? I knew the Pennywise, Sick Of it All and Slashers show was gonna be super fun, so I wanted to paint a ton of characters dancing around and making it look like a fun party was happening. It worked out real great.

How did you come up with the concept for the workshop? Is the Characters for Characters something everyone can learn from? Like do you even have to draw well? Well that’s the thing. I don’t think I can even draw all that well. What I try to go over is how I got my artwork on TV, how I create my characters, and how you can too. I’m really into the whole DIY spirit, getting people excited to draw and giving beginners a safe and fun enviorment free from judgement where they can work on their ideas.

What was a memorable experience you’ve had leading these Character workshops in the past? A stuffy business guy who brought his kids came up to me after drawing for a few hours and told me he hasn’t felt creative or relaxed in a long time. He said he was going to make creative time for himself more in the future as a form of therapy. I couldn’t stop smiling.

You just opened your solo show Here Comes the Howellman at Subliminal Projects in LA? First who is the Howellman? Is he a specific alter ego of Jay? What were some of the highlights that night? I had the idea for this name for a show for years now and thought it might be too egotistical and silly. Then I just went for it and it got funnier and funnier ( for me ). I’m like the Kool Aid guy of the art world, blastin through the door uninvited. It was the exact show I wanted to make and see. I’ve never been happier with a presentation of my work. I’m just happy anybody showed up.

When you walk into your show there’s an amazing centerpiece. . . Can you tell us about the puppet? How that came about? Who made it and when did you have an idea to make one! Yes! Viva La Puppet. I worked with Michelle on a project for Sanjay and Craig. We had such a good time that we swore that we’d work together again. This show was the perfect reason. I showed her one drawing, and she built it perfectly. She’s amazing.

Have you considered a live action Jay Howell character inspired puppet tv show? I think it would be rad, what do you think? Always. I love the Henson stuff so much it’s insane. I wish I was Grover from Sesame Street.

What is your favorite piece or pieces from this last show? Like is there just some you are super stoked on or just specially attached too in a weird way? A lot of it is development work for a television show my partner Jim Dirschberger and I are creating. I’m super attached to it, I love the characters, I believe they’re real.

What’s a super good day in the studio like for you? What’s your process like these days? Are they different at all from before? Any day I get to be at home in the studio is a good day. It’s my favorite thing to do. It gets even better when there’s a lot of tv I haven’t seen yet. Just TV abnd drawing together forever.

Who is weirder to take on a walk, Mary or Street Dog? What’s their favorite human food? Mary is a insane puppy still, and Street Dog is a wild man. I like to walk them together and see the stuff they get into. Street likes turkey and Mary will eat anything, buttons, bugs, leaves and fuzz from tennis balls.

Whose art are you super into these days? Are you collecting anyone in particular? Get any new pieces lately? I like Tara Booth, Cleon Peterson, Mark Whalen, Helen Jo, Stacey Rozich and Johhny Ryan.

When you’re not working your butt off, what are you doing? Where would we find you? Playing Cali Cruzin with the crew at Dave and Busters every chance I get.

Besides Alan Jackson, the Dead and Law & Order theme song, what are you jamming to these days tune wise?  Like what’s some new stuff you’d recommend folks to check out. Lil Ugly Mane, Kate Bush, Cate Le Bon, Commodo, Nosoj Thing, The Lilys, Metro Area, Pye Corner Audio and Tamaryn. Iv’e been listening to Wham and Sheryl Crow probably a little too much.

What are your all time favorite Vans? Black Authentics. I have 2 pairs.

Weird story about yourself you can share? In 1999 I was skating in a Vans store in Pleasanton California. I slipped out on a ollie to tail, fell to the flat on  my board and twisted my leg around. Broke both bones in my lower leg. The funny thing was that when they called the ambulence the paramedics were downstairs at the starbucks. They walked up to me in aggony sippin on frappachinos.

What advice do you give to folks who want to be an artist or cartoonist like yourself? That being cool and creative is just as good as being skilled at drawing.

What do you have going on coming up that you can share?   I’m gonna go down to my local bar Walt’s in Eagle Rock. They have good hotdogs and great beer. I’ll do a lil self reflection, open myself up to the universe, and let the ideas flood in :)

FOLLOW JAY | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM 

[thelonesgroup]

My Worst Real Estate Investment

Earlier this week, someone asked about real estate investments that I regretted. I've been really fortunate over the years, and all of my real estate investments have done very well for me. However, that good fortune comes with a lot of hard work. I believe the more research you do and the more information you have, the better. This includes information about the area, the property type, the financials, and the local demographics. You have to do your homework before you invest.

But... there was an investment that I made that just didn't suit my personality. I made the mistake of not doing enough research. I should have talked to more people who owned that type of real estate.

In my worst real estate investment, I bought a storage facility. I didn't own it for long, because I absolutely could not handle it the emotional side of it. I really didn't like the idea of people storing their things, but if they couldn't pay the rent, I had to repossess their stuff. These were personal, sentimental mementos! I just didn't have the stomach to do that. It wasn't a fun investment for me.

When you're getting into commercial real estate, like long/short-term rentals, you can't just look at the numbers. Before you invest, you have to talk to other people who have owned that type of property. What personality style does it take to manage that kind of investment? What are some of the common problems? What are some of the hidden challenges? The numbers won't tell you these things.

Just because something has the right numbers on paper to make you money does not mean it is an investment you will like. I like residential real estate, small commercial real estate, and short-term vacation rentals. These suit my personally much better.

Back when I initially invested in the storage facility, it was during a time when we didn't have the internet like we do today. There were no Facebook groups or YouTube reviews or Subreddits. Today, you can join a real estate investing group for any niche you are thinking of investing in, and you can ask current and previous owners about the realities of owning that type of property. They will tell you! We're so fortunate today because we have the ability to connect to people who love to share their experience.

If I could go back and invest in real estate all over again, the only thing I would change would be to do it earlier. Unfortunately, I didn't have a lot of money when I was starting out, so I had to earn it the old-fashioned way just to get enough to buy one property. And then I had to save up more money to buy a second property. It was a slow start, and if I knew then what I know now… Oh, the investments I could have made!

One of the biggest barriers to investing is getting enough money together just to start. The nice thing about investing in real estate is that income-producing properties can actually help you to get that property qualified, so that you may not have to bring as much money to the table. The only way to know is to do the research.

NOVEMBER 9-11 - PALM SPRINGS - LEARN MORE

So many people don't crunch the numbers and investigate all the options because they are afraid. It can be really intimidating to open yourself up to investing when you don't think you have enough money. Lenders can ask some uncomfortable financial questions, but there's a lot of good, creative information out there. You just have to do the research to find it. If you want to be a successful investor bad enough, you will find a way.

My biggest investment mistakes can be chalked up to lack of research. If I had talked to other storage facility owners, I would have better understood what it took to manage this type of commercial investment. I was lucky and tenacious enough to start investing in my late 20's, but I wish I had started when I was 22 or 23. Think it can't be done? Think again - it absolutely can!

If you want to level-up your investing knowledge, we are doing a 3-day intensive Prosperity Strategy workshop in November in Palm Springs. Whether you are starting your investing journey or are ready to shift your strategy into high gear, this event will expand your knowledge and understanding. I hope to see you there.

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[sunnydawn444]

New Post has been published on Sunny Dawn Johnston

New Post has been published on http://sunnydawnjohnston.com/blog/numerology-report-step-forward-the-gift-of-octobers-1-vibration/

Numerology Report: Step Forward –The Gift of October’s 1 Vibration

Step Forward –The Gift of October’s 1 Vibration

September’s 9 vibration presented us with endings, completions, reassessments, clearing clutter (physical, mental, digital), taking a hard look at what’s working what’s not, and letting go… or preparing to let go. Kind of like full moon energy, only all month long.

Many of the shifts and stresses that showed up had to do with one or more of your relationships (including the one you have with yourself), since we are in a 2-year. It may have required forgiveness (the 9), letting go of how you thought it should be (the 9), and also seeing things from a different perspective (the 2).

Another aspect of September’s energy was asking you to learn (or be willing to learn) to be comfortable with not really knowing what comes next, but knowing things as they are  just isn’t cutting it anymore. Yeah, that’s unsettling. And possibly triggering you in ways you don’t understand.

In tune with the 9 vibe of September, I cleared out a bunch of clutter from my house and released my office, again. Plus there was a lot of family stuff going on, including our cat Dexter preparing us for his departure. And boy can he be annoying in the process! I have to remind myself that he is a stubborn old man in cat years (he’s 18), but he thinks he’s still the baby.

Now we shift from the 9’s spotlight on what no longer is working well or has run its course to October’s 1 vibration of what do you want instead.

October is a 1 vibration month. The primary essence of the number 1 includes Beginnings, Creativity, Ideas, Originality, Inventive, Individualistic, Leadership, Organization Positivity, and Independent.

Other Aspects of the 1 vibration are: intelligence, inspiring, courage, proud, possibilities, opening, initiation/initiating, development, methodical, determined, authoritative, assertive, healthy ego, self-focused, opportunity, manifesting, and intention.

And because October is the 10th month of the year, you also have the subtle manifesting energy of the number 10 working behind the scenes. This is a good news/bad news vibration, as the number 10 is the Wheel of Fortune – whatever you focus on you bring to you. So if you are stuck in worry or lack, then more of that energy of worry and lack show up. ARRGH!

So this month (and really, every month) be the thought police for yourself.

Don’t go crazy thinking “cancel, cancel” or “erase, erase” every time you catch yourself in those yucky places in your mind. Because when you do that “cancel erase” shtick it just puts even more energy towards what you don’t want.

No, instead of throwing more fuel into your negative mind chatter, just acknowledge the thought and let it float away like a bubble. Then think about what you do want. Appreciate the things you do have. Gratitude and appreciation really help you raise your vibe to a more attractive manifesting place.

So if September was like an immersion in full-moon releasing energy all month long (whew), October will be more like being immersed in new moon energy all month long.

I wish I could tell you that the intensity of the energy on beautiful planet Earth will calm down and move from a category 3 hurricane to a light breeze, but that would be delusional and misleading. The energy is amped up for a reason and that is to help us strip away the old programming, the outdated systems, and all the things you cling to that are really not part of who you really are… just something you picked up along your journey.

We started a new 9-year cycle in 2017 that was about coming home to you, then moving into self-mastery with the end goal of self-sovereignty. You’re on the path. You might be kicking and screaming because things aren’t working the way they used to. And that’s because the old has to crumble to make way for the new.

On the bright side, this is a month ripe with creative energy. If you’re an artist or any kind, you can tap into this and boost your creative expression. If art isn’t your thing, this creative energy can be harnessed to help you create what you want in life, career, business… or at least get you moving in that direction.

That’s why when I tapped into the energy and asked my guides what the theme for this October was, the message I received was:

Step Forward.

Yes! It is time for you to step forward in one or more areas of your life. It can be a baby step or a giant step, or something in between. Your choice.

“Ahh,” you say, “but what is my first step?”

Your first step is to commit fully to moving forward and being open to whatever that next step is. The step doesn’t reveal itself until you make a decision to take that step into the unknown.

And that, my friends, is one of the hardest things for adult humans to do. Take a step without knowing what the step is, what it entails, if it will hurt, if you can really do it, or if you will make a fool of yourself, or if you will fail (or succeed). I totally understand. I get this way too. Yet kids leap into the unknown all the time. They call it play. We, on the other hand, might feel the need to control, which gets in the way of creating anything new.

Maybe this month you let your adventurous inner child out to play more.

The next part of October’s theme is designed to help you take a Step Forward…

Be Inspired – and – Show up for yourself

So I ask you to sit with both of those things, feel into them…

Be Inspired

What does it mean to be inspired?

How does it feel to be inspired?

What inspires you?

How can you add more of that into your daily life?

Show up for yourself

What does show up for yourself mean?

Does it feel selfish?

Are you better at showing up for others then yourself? If so why?

Do you self-abandon, thinking others are more important that you?

Do you put yourself last on your list?

What do you currently do to show up for yourself?

What one thing can you do to show up for yourself?

Now sit with taking a Step Forward…

What’s the first thing that comes to mind?

What would you like to do or have?

What vision or goal did you create at the beginning of the year? Is it time to take a step forward into that… or maybe shift course a bit?

If you knew you would succeed, what is it you wish to do or create?

Are you willing to commit to moving forward in one or more areas of your life now?

Which areas?

Decide to take that baby step or leap forward now… trusting that the right opportunity will appear, the step will be revealed and the new adventure begins… be sure to dump your attachment to what it looks like!

Ready, set, go…

If it helps, you can say one of my favorite affirmations as you take that step (or contemplate taking that step): “Things are always working out for me!”

You can do it. I believe in you. Have courage.

The Shadow Side of the 1 vibration may show up as:

Overthinking

Controlling

Trying to make something happen

Impatience & frustration

Being hypersensitive

Blocked and fearful

Stubborn

When you realize you are exhibiting shadow elements, stop what you’re doing and take a nice deep breath. If you put your hand on your heart, it shifts your attention from your head and crappy thoughts.

Take 3 deep breaths – inhale slowly and exhale slowly. Imagine a pink light surrounding your heart space and your thoughts as you do this. Imagine the fear, resistance and any other undesirable behavior floating away in that bubble of pink light. Imagine filling yourself with the light of unconditional love or joy. I like to use gold light, but you can choose whatever feels good to you.

I invite you to then think about what you would like your life to be like instead of whatever was going on that sent you into the shadow.

Now what one small thing can you do today to take you in that direction?

  Step fearlessly into that uncomfortable territory of the unknown. For that is where your growth and opportunities await you.

With Love and Appreciation, Karen

  Karen M. Winkelman

Intuitive Consultant for Your Life and Your Business

An eclectic mix of creativity and business, woo and practical, spirituality and science, Karen is a natural counselor who can help you reframe a situation, reconnect with your creative essence, and rediscover your sense of self.

For most of her life, Karen’s empowered other creatives and heart-centered professionals to find clarity and direction, bust through blocks and get unstuck. Whether working with clients, speaking at an event, or chatting with friends, Karen blends intuition, wisdom, and spiritual teachings with deep listening, practical guidance, and a wickedly playful sense of humor.

Intuitive numerologist, idea generator, and illuminator, Karen can help you see possibilities and give you permission to stop “Shoulding” yourself and be and do “You” instead.  Karen is available for consultations, workshops and speaking engagements.

If you’d like your personal numerology forecast for 2018 or if you’d like clarity and direction for those pesky issues in your life or business, I’d love to work with you if we’re a fit. Let’s connect:  www.TheLifeCraftingGuide.com and  https://www.facebook.com/karen.m.winkelman.lifecrafting

[rougeskies-jm-blog]

For That Skeptics: Ideas On Traditional Master of business administration Programs

I authored the above mentioned for any Plywood People ebook known as Seem Advice. I'm grateful for that daily possibilities to increase my DIY education, and I have found immense pleasure in discussing these training with other people because they craft their very own education.

  I have had the chance to see organizations like Chick-Fil-A and Gather Workshop, and that I now make a start with start-up leaders in most stages every day via my role with Plywood People, a non-profit leading a residential area of start-ups doing good. Put around you supportive people. Allow the naysayers stay without anyone's knowledge. If necessary take them off out of your existence temporarily.

  A different way to deal with this really is keep the intent to yourself. Create a self-resolve internally to complete exactly what the naysayers don't believe that you can do. Once you accomplish your career you'll feel happy for overcoming what others didn’t believe you could do this. Remember you do this on your own not for other people. Rev. Cameron Trimble may be the Executive Director, Chief executive officer from the Center for Progressive Renewal.

  She most lately offered being an consultant towards the Congregational Vitality and Discipleship Group of Local Church Ministries for that US Church of Christ so that as Affiliate Conference Minister of Church Rise in the Southeast Conference from the UCC. In her own ministry within the national setting, Rev. Trimble was responsible to add mass to national technique for birthing new places of worship.

  In her own conference setting, she directly oversaw the birthing of places of worship through the Southeast Conference. Each setting has provided her a distinctive perspective around the challenges of cultivating leaders outfitted to meet the requirements for the future of mainline Protestantism. Copywriting may be the single best technical skill a business person might have. I understand that's a bold claim, nevertheless its true. Now, whenever you hear copywriting you are mostly likely considering creating sexy advertisements. But it is not what I’m talking about. I’m getting used to this web based course factor. It's much simpler to complete than forcing yourself to get a magazine by yourself. 

  The classes (in some instances a large number of people) have cleverly organized themselves with wikis, social networking groups, mailing lists etc., so there's really a feeling of community learning. That does not mean the classes are always more enjoyable than getting a couple of pints together with your mates, however it entails I'm learning. Hello fellow DIY Master of business administration available, it has been just a few minutes since I have published an update towards the site, and so I figured I'd meet up with all of you really quick.

  The primary reason behind the delay is the fact that I've been hard at work on my Master of business administration.  That’s right, I've attended the dark side If validated learning was recognized more within the mainstream a few of these products would not have went to individuals stages because individuals people might have been in a position to believe that failure to make a viable product around the try isn't a bad factor.

  In the end you're learning a great deal along the way and after some persistence you'll eventually produce a viable service or product. So next time you are feeling you’ve hit a wall or taken the incorrect path just chalk up among individuals costly business courses and call it Validated Learning. The paint is barely dry, yet edX, the nonprofit start-up from Harvard and also the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, has 370,000 students this fall in the first official courses. That’s nothing. Coursera, founded just last the month of January, has arrived at greater than 1. Seven million growing quicker than Facebook, boasts Andrew Ng, on leave from Stanford to operate his for-profit MOOC provider.

  Obviously, that's among the primary advantages of becoming an audiobook producer: you receive thoroughly uncovered with an excellent content! Especially whenever using a writer as productive and focused as Josh is. His stuff is really helpful, so relevant, that simply focusing on his projects has impacted my company with techniques which go well past the action of recording them. And also, since it was Josh’s second turn at bat narrating themselves, we could really get ready and revel in ourselves Leading a congregation in renewal or beginning a brand new ministry requires an entrepreneurial set of skills that values risk-taking, innovation and proper thinking. This program will explore the abilities, models, concepts and practices church leaders have to effectively guide congregations or non-profits right into a high-impact future. The skill of War meets "The Artist's Way" within this no-nonsense, profoundly inspiring help guide to overcoming creative blocks of each and every kind. 

  A succinct, engaging, and practical guide for succeeding in almost any creative sphere, World War 2 of Art is nothing under Sun-Tzu for that soul.

My conjecture for future years If you are no entrepreneur or perhaps an attractive female (who'll soon be overtaking the entry/mid amounts of corporate America) then you'll require an advanced degree. I don't believe that there's every other quality as necessary to success of any sort as the caliber of perseverance.

  It overcomes just about everything, even nature. John D. Rockefeller, Titan Life moves fast in the realm of internet marketing. Actually, since 2013, digital media consumption within the US States has elevated by 49 percent, based on comScore.

  Clearly I already got drawn underneath the personal time management riptide. I've been silent for 3 days as visitors traipsed through my house. The final three days continues to be literally exhausting because of so many house visitors, birthdays and family weddings. And So I made the decision I will consider using a new goal. Instead of stay with 99 days I’m just likely to read no less than 2 hrs. each day a minimum of 6 days each week on whatever book I've showed up at from my list. I've the following ten so as and I’ll observe how it progresses. I ought to mention I'm quite busy lady despite the fact that I'm not presently working full-time.

  I operate a household by myself for that summer time several weeks of every year. Additionally for this I'm busy with Toastmasters, Scouting, as being a board person in the neighborhood Women’s Center and volunteering in your area having a Nonprofit that can help Immigrants with Settlement. I'm wishing to obtain a job soon so I'll be doing my community activities additionally for this blog and running my household.

  I'll complete this book list and that I aspire to compile my very own because when a lady I've recognized to date that many of these books appeal more to men. Their list has 99 books onto it and just 4 from the books possess a lady author in it 2 which are co-written having a man. And So I intend to suggest a summary of my very own with mainly women authors. I understand one of the reasons I'll have a problem with their list happens because the books won’t always attract my interests.

  So additionally to studying their email list I'll from time to time review books personally I think are simply as helpful to finishing a Feminist or Sustainable Master of business administration.

[earaercircular]

The Micro Factory, a workshop where they share more than tools

In Anderlecht –one of the municipalities of the region of Brussels-Capital-, the Micro Factory offers a space for inspiration and co-creation to professional craftsmen or Sunday DIYers. The opportunity to share equipment, wishes and skills. And to relocate the production of objects in cities.

A little bit of sandpaper here, a final adjustment there. Against a backdrop of jazzy music, Olivier is putting the finishing touches to the assembly of the Victor Fund[1] book boxes which are about to be placed in two Brussels restaurants. In the metal workshop, a few meters away, Sébastien for his part is finishing the welding of elements for the manufacture of bookshelves for a literary café which will soon open its doors in the centre of the capital. In another room, right next to the common table where we spend as much time "designing on the computer as eating pretzels", Rima shapes table accessories using techniques from the jewellery store.

We are in Anderlecht, a stone's throw from the Brussels-Charleroi canal, where the Micro Factory[2] has established its quarters in an old building of Bruxelles-Propreté[3]. A vast space of 650 square meters where both experienced craftsmen and Sunday handymen and artists come together.

"Here, we are in the soft zone. This partition made with salvaged glass separates what is noisier and dustier from what is less. There is a corner dedicated to textile work. Overthere, these are the screen printing and printing equipment. There, a table for the electronics. There again, a booth for painting and stuff that smells bad ... ", explains Gilles Pinault, taking us around, punctuated by an impressive list of tools that can be found there: 3D printer, thermoforming machine, laser cutting machine, digital milling machine for metal, wood lathe… There are many.

"We could point the finger in any direction, I could tell you a story about the machine," he smiles.

A place to go from idea to realization

While some of this equipment belongs to the Micro Factory, most of it is the property of its users who leave them at the disposal of the community. “The deal is that people can leave their tools in their personal space or in the common. If they're in the common, it's for common use. It works a lot on trust. But people meet there because it is a free hosting of their machines. This saves them having to rent a clean place ", continues Gilles.

Born in the bubbling spirit of our guide, this shared workshop project took a few years to build. "I am an architect by training, I did a little virtual reality and I am rather a handyman in everything", he summarizes. Entrepreneur too, since he was one of the co-founders of Softkinetic,[4] this small Belgian company specializing in 3D imaging and motion analysis software, sold to the giant Sony in 2016. "The archetype of the start-up who has grown up and who is doing the rounds of investors. I saw that what the company needed now was more management and processes, than developing new ideas. “,says Gilles. His thing is to do things. And, obviously, he's rarely lacking in imagination.

Three years earlier, he had set up with his wife and a few friends regular meetings to materialize "lots of ideas that we have always had in mind without taking the time to realize them". DIY workshops, therefore, organized in each other's salons. The embryo of the Micro Factory was born.

But the participants quickly felt cramped. Inspired by American "makerspaces", they therefore set out to find a place where they could more widely express their creativity while sharing their tools. Together, they will thus occupy "a somewhat rotten squat of artists" in Saint-Gilles, then a building on temporary rental in the city centre.

In 2016, the day of Softkinetic's sale, he decided to take the plunge and devote himself completely to the Micro Factory project. He then sets out in search of a "real" building where it could develop and structure itself over time. Renovated as part of projects supported by the European EFRD fund[5], the Bruxelles-Propreté building offers it an ideal base. "We got a reduced rent and a ten-year lease. It is important because we could not cope with the market price. This allowed us to make somewhat ambitious arrangements."

Switch to a cooperative and gain impact

If it functions a bit like a de facto association, the Micro Factory has in practice been created on the basis of an Limited company (Ltd) linked to the former activities of Gilles Pinault. "It was easier to start. Technically, I am the manager, but in practice not at all", explains the person who now has the wish to switch the project under the status of cooperative. A status which corresponds more to the spirit of sharing that he wants to encourage. "This will make it possible in particular to carry out the purchase of machines in common and to involve everyone in the decisions. Today, I still have a limiting effect. People do not dare to do certain things without 'asking Gilles '. It will help them feel at home. "

The project, which he financed largely on his own funds with a few other contributors, must also evolve to achieve economic equilibrium, which is not the case as it stands. "Our break-even point is 9000 euros per month, which means about 200 users. The cooperative will collectively take new directions. Do we want to limit ourselves to 30 hyper professional members who pay € 300 per month or 200 members who pay 45 €? Should we not operate other than by subscription mode and try to remunerate the Micro Factory on the basis of the projects that are carried out there, by highlighting the diversity of skills that are offered? We can take these decisions together, ” he argues.

Pass the series threshold

Currently, most of the creations that come out of these workshops are prototypes or unique pieces. The goal is to move towards a professional production of objects in small series, adds Gilles Pinault. "How to make twenty tables a month rather than three? To have a local impact beyond ideas, we must achieve a more affordable economic dimension. If we want to bring back work and the production of products to the cities, transmit skills, this involves production accessible to as many people as possible without switching to the Ikea model. "

A workshop subscription rather than fitness

Two years later, the Micro Factory has 100 to 150 users, who have subscribed to its subscription system. "It's a bit like in a fitness room. We offer a monthly subscription system that offers flexible access ranges for 50 to 150 euros per month", continues Gilles Pinault, who insists on the continued group dynamic.

"Someone who comes for just an hour to use the machines doesn't really fit into the intended philosophy," which consists of facilitating links and collaboration between participants. It is, for example, the regulars who welcome new visitors and accompany their first steps. The "pros" also advise the "amateurs" and generally speaking, each other's creativity and skills feed on each other.

It is this spirit that excited Olivier who, alongside his work in the field of opinion polls, chose to embark on an activity of craftsman-cabinetmaker. "Rather than settling in my small basement or renting a workshop alone, it was obvious to come here on my first visit", he says, emphasizing the conviviality and the atmosphere that reigns. at the Micro Factory.

"Everyone works on their projects, but there is an exchange of ideas which takes place during the discussions and even in the practical realization. Multidisciplinarity is another interesting aspect that attracted me: being able to move from one area to the next. I am particularly in the process of training myself in metalwork, which will allow me, for example, to offer a table combining two materials. It is really a breath of fresh air to come and work here. "

Source

Gilles Toussaint, La Micro Factory, un atelier où on partage plus que des outils, in La Libre Belgique, 11-02-21, https://stories.lalibre.be/inspire/numero80/index.html

[1] The Victor Fund was created in memory of Victor Van de Woestyne who died accidentally in Brussels on November 4, 2016. In memory of Victor and to give sense to what does not have, his parents decided to create a Fund whose objective is to encourage young people between the ages of 12 and 15 to read. At this age, adolescents discover a new school environment, new friends, new activities. And even good readers often reduce the time they spend exploring books. Through its concrete and targeted actions, the Victor Fund wants to participate in an active, fun and radiant approach in favor of reading. https://www.lefondsvictor.be/ [2] The Micro Factory is a shared manufacturing workshop, based on participation and pooling. It's like a co-working space, but for makers. http://microfactory.be/ [3] Bruxelles-Propreté is a para-regional entity. It acts under the direct authority of the Minister of the Government of the Region of Brussels-Capital in charge of Climate Transition, Environment, of Energy and Participatory Democracy. Bruxelles-Propreté employs about 2,400 people. https://www.arp-gan.be/en/who-whe-are.html [4] https://www.sony-depthsensing.com/ [5] https://ec.europa.eu/regional_policy/en/funding/erdf/

[anothergirlrecovering]

Lynn 78

I got there and was surprised that Lynn was already there. Our use the bathroom and came back out and sat down and she invited me in. She asked how I'm doing and I said well and I asked how she was. She said she was also well and she laughed and said I would appreciate this story. She said that there are signs in the lobby area that says do not be on the phone and yesterday there was someone who was in the lobby who was so unbelievably loud and luckily her client was so into EMD are that she didn't seem to notice but Lynn was like this is a recurring problem. Lynn asked if I had noticed the signs and I was like are there multiple and she was like there's like four of them and I was like I mean I know there's the one on the shelf when you walk in but honestly I don't really look around when I'm in there I'm usually just browsing Instagram and honestly I'm really quiet so I can't relate to people that are just super loud places. Lynn was like well that's helpful to know because if you aren't seeing it then they may be aren't either. She was like my friends husband works in creating signs and I texted him this morning and was like hey can you make a sign that says sessions in progress shut the fuck up. I was cracking up. I was like that would definitely get your point across. I told her that I could definitely appreciate that and related. She said that she thinks a lot of times people just come down from the upstairs office with kids and those people are just in a totally different zone because their kids are running loose and they aren't even aware. She said they are thinking about lowering the lights to make a more quiet ambiance and help them realize they should be quiet. She asked how I was doing this week and I said good and I am had basically two things I needed to talk about. I sent the first one was that I actually wrote a poem on my way back from therapy last time and she was like you weren't texting and driving are you? I was like no mom I used voice dictation and she was like oh OK good, that makes me feel better. I told her that it was a poem about anger since that was the last topic we were talking about and I said how it was I guess sort of a healthy expression of anger and about how I've always sort of taking my anger out on my body. I told her the other thing was about Mother's Day but I would save that for after one because it's just a lot more involved but I wanted to read her the poem. She was like did you feel better after? And I was like yeah someone and I don't know maybe it was just getting it out in a way that was kind of cohesive or something I'm not really sure. She was like did they teach you that in treatment and I was like what do you mean and she was like like expressional therapies? And I was like no not really I mean we did art therapy and some treatment centers use dance therapy and we did internal family systems which had sculpting and she was like and equine therapy right? And I was like yeah and she was like how was the sculpting? I was like honestly I wasn't a fan but we were sculpting this borderline girl Abby's suicidal parts and whatnot and maybe it would have helped more if it was about my own parts. She said she was going to an EMDR training in Chicago about creativity protocols and experiential therapy and she'a utopia to see how it will go. She said she prefers workshops with movement and I was like ew no I prefer sitting all day for a lecture because I know what to expect and experiential activities give me anxiety and make me worry I won't be good enough. Lynn laughed and was like but we are working on that right? lol I was like yeah we are and she said maybe one day that won't be an issue and I'll ve excited to Participate in things. I was like I mean maybe lol. We can hope. I said I wondered if Helen was going to be at her training since Helen loves experiential activities. Lynn asked if I was still doing supervision with her and I said yes but we just do like a half hour every month because it takes a long time to do the hours and she was like yeah isn't it like 20 hours or something and I was like yeah and I mean that wouldn't be hard to do quickly but I don't really have enough questions to make up for more than a half hour each time and she was like that makes sense. I said I really like doing supervision with Helen now because she is old and has so much wisdom and experience and has done so many trainings and licensure's. Lynn was like I will have to look for her at the training, I've never met her but you can't really miss her cause she's the only little old lady and I was like you definitely need to introduce her self she's so precious I love her. She was like I will definitely keep my eye out. She started scribbling and y was like ok tell me gen you're ready lol and she was like ok ready. When I finished reading it I was surprised because she was like wow that was really incredible, can you publish that? And I was like what? And she was like no really I mean that's it, I don't know how hard it is to get things published but could you do that? I was like honestly I don't really know either but maybe, I'm sure there are mental health types of blogs and things where it would be appropriate and she was like really, that was such a Beautiful way to tie in everything that we've been talking about. I said thank you and that it was surprisingly nice to write. She said it would be great if I could keep doing things like that as expressive ways to cope with emotions. I said maybe. She sat back and said OK so tell me about Mother's Day and I was like well first did your kids make you ridiculous Facebook statuses about how you are mom of the year and she laughed and was like actually no none of my kids made a Facebook status. She was like I think they all just know that I hate social media and the obligatory things that accompany it. I was like OK so your kids didn't make you a Facebook status and you didn't get all butt hurt about it? And she was like no absolutely not I don't care. She said that she mainly just using social media as a way to advertise her kids talents. She was like I'm sure all of my friends hate me because the only things I ever post on there are videos of my daughter singing or my sons theater stuff and with that it's mainly just more like a business thing where I'm hoping that somebody will see it and get her an agent. She laughed and I was like well I'm sure your friends enjoy celebrating your kids successes and she was like I don't know about that but it's definitely more of a business venue for me with social media and she laughed and was like ok off topic back to you. I told her everything that happened with the phone call with my mom, and I was surprise because in talking about it today I think I'm past the sad and guilty part and onto the angry and irritable part of feeling like what the hell who the fuck tells their kid that their Facebook status for them was too generic and that they have to buy you a gift and what not like the audacity my God. Lynn was like well it's looking pretty clear to me and I was like what do you mean and she was like your mom is desperate for control over you and I was like I mean yeah that's part of it. I told her about how I talked to my brother yesterday about it and that he had made the point where he was like it sounds like you are assuming that Mom isn't superficial but we both know she is LOL and I was like I mean I guess that's true because she always acts like she doesn't care about superficial things and clearly she does. When was like it's just so obvious that she's trying to control you and I think when you said take a step back you are able to see that for yourself now more so than you have in the past and I was like yeah well at the time I cried and felt horrible and guilty because it was like damn this is the fourth time I've heard or seen my mom cry and all four of those times have been because of me and three out of the four were literally on Mother's Day because I always find a way to ruin Mother's Day. Lynn was like we both know this is an about you and I didn't answer and she was like right? This is an about you this is about her and her issues with wanting to control you. I was like yeah I guess and she was like she's literally telling you how she wants you to behave which is controlling and I was like yeah I guess that's true and I was like I just don't know how to balance the fact that she saying that I'm hurting her feelings with like what do I do and she was like well I think you're in a lose lose situation either way. She was like let's be real, if you had sent a gift, it would have been that the gift was too generic, there would have always been something wrong because it's not about what you do, it's about her having control . She pointed out that she doesn't think my mom will ever change and I was like yeah honestly I agree and she was like you know we've talked about how these believes are really sad and how hard those delusional really just believe start to shake and I was like that's for sure and I think I'm at a point where I'm not necessarily expecting that to change but I just felt so sad and guilty because it was like I did something wrong. Again. She pointed out that I seriously need to be setting boundaries with them and that they won't like it because no one likes boundaries but it's necessary for my health and to get away from their control. She said my mom will have to listen because realistically I'm successful and it would look very bad on her if her successful daughter who lives far away and wants nothing to do with her. I laughed and was like I mean I guess that's true I'm not exactly a meth head so everyone would think there was something weird that happened between us. And she was like especially when you have kids, that sort of gives you leverage. I told her that I had talk to my brother about it and that my brother was like I wish both of our parents would just step back and realize that we are both successful young age and fully independent. I told her also about how my mom definitely cross boundaries with my brother and told me all about his credit card debt and that I was kind of like I don't know where his dad is coming from or if he spending it all on drugs or something I'm not really sure because 13,000 is a lot of money considering that he makes a decent salary of around 65,000 living with roommates in NYC. But idk. She said again that she always just send her mom flowers and I was like honestly that's probably what I'll do next year and part of me wants to be so petty and send it so many weeks in advance but I'm not going to do that but also I was like I feel like I should be asking her how she wants to find out whenever I do get pregnant because I'm not trying to have a fight about that God for bid I call her instead of FaceTime her or text her instead of call her or send a card or whatever because I don't know what those expectations are. Lynn was like self preservation girl and started laughing. Glenn was also like you could always just not even put a Facebook status next year for Mother's Day and just say that you don't want to do it because it's a superficial display and what can she really say that point? LOL I was like in my case I think my mom would be like it's just nice and she was like and if you were like well I just think it's superficial because who is it really for? The audience. lol she's not wrong. I told Lyn also that my mom texted me the next time saying she got my card and it was really nice things and it took everything in me to not send back the middle finger emoji and I was like you know what I'm talking about right? And she was like yeah LOL. She was like I think this all just goes back to what you talked about your poem where this is your mom's type of manipulation and guilt and her way of trying to take control. I was like yeah and she was like but it sounds like you were able to recover and I was like I guess so. She asked what I did with my day and I told her that I actually skipped church because I didn't feel like being around anyone and I was like Lynn told me to do self-care so I did and I skipped church and I worked on the to do list and not the kind that's draining and overwhelming but the kind where you feel so much better checking things off do you know what I mean and she was like oh yes that is one of the best feelings and I was like exactly so I did several loads of laundry and clean the house and went for a run and then my husband and I planned to go to the lake so that he would go fishing and I would just kind of Layout And tan with the dog and he would fish . She was like so what did you do after the phone call and the tears and I was like well I told my husband what happened and he was kind of like what the fuck who says that to their kid I don't get why she so superficial and I was like yeah I don't know and after that I just kind of laid out soak in the vitamin D hoped I got some color and Lynn was like you did and I was like thank you for noticing LOL I rolled up my sleeves and was like look there's an actual tan here, it's just that my tan is other people's white and she was like I can see it I can see that you've gotten darker. I laughed and was like OK good. She was like im glad you were able to turn around. I was like yeah the next few days I just felt really sad and guilty about it and I think today's the first day when I've sort of moved on to feeling mad and more of a what the heck kind of feeling. She was like but we have some time why don't we do some EMDron it.i said ok and grabbed the tappers. As usual, the EMDR part is kind of a jumbled mess in my memory so it's probably out of order or missing things. I felt the anger in it chest but lower than where my anxiety sits. I noticed that now as an adult I really struggle with emotion regulation and it was like last night my husband slapped me on the butt after I've told him 1 million times not to do that if it was just a light tap fine but a slap really bothers me and he did it and I lost my shit and I scratched him and now he has like three call marks on his shoulder because I could not just be normal and take a deep breath and say please don't do that or leave the room or something. She was like but you've asked him to not do that before right? And I was like right and she was like so you weren't being heard? And I was like right and she was like well that sounds familiar notice that. I noticed that I never really felt heard as a kid because I never really got to speak it was kind of like we would fight and then I would be sent to my room and there was never any sort of conflict resolution or come back out and we can discuss this when you calm down it was just we tabled it and pretend it didn't happen. I noticed how I can't recall finding with my mom ever as a kid and I think that was because as soon as my mom noticed that I was doing something that might make her mad she just sent me a Way so that she didn't have to deal with it. I told Lyn about how the lock on my door was on the outside of the dorm and so I was just always sort of locked in my room to try to deal with it and how I had recently taken a Facebook quiz that told me that my way of dealing with anger was to not feeling her but to feel sad instead and I think maybe with being locked in my room the only other alternative was that if I couldn't feel mad then I guess I could feel sad. I explained have a lock on the door was like a hook and how there was one time when I use the little metro subway card and actually slid it in between the door and actually unhook the door and I remember running out of my room and being like ha ha you can't lock me in anymore and my mom snapping him being like it back in your room or you will get spanked and just how I think I was strong willed as a kid and my parents just didn't really know how to control me. I thought it was weird that my mom and I never fall but she's very confrontation avoidant and I thought about how Helen had actually told me one time that my mother must have been very disapproving and I was like I don't really remember her directly saying anything and she was like well then she had a look because there's always the luck and when I thought about it I was like oh my god there was definitely a look where my mom would say my name and I knew then that I could not feel angry or act a certain way. I also remembered how my brother would have tantrums sometimes during dinner and my parents would send him to his room and his room was right next to the kitchen and so we could hear him crying and being mad and screaming and I remember my parents laughing at him and I think there was a part of me that felt like to be angry was embarrassing and I was like and Lynn we both know how much I hate embarrassment. She was like notice that and I was like idk why but I just really think I felt like being in control was the way to avoid embarrassment and I thought about how my brother and my best friend Michelle and I participated in a singing contest at the library and we had practiced for several hours the three of us when we got there we found out only one person could sing in so we picked my brother and for whatever reason Michelle and I just kind of stood on stage clapping along and he didn't win and I remember feeling so angry and thinking if I would've just done it myself we would have one and Lynn was like how old were you and I was like honestly way too old to be that mad about it and she was like so how old and I was like honestly probably like 14 and she was like I don't really think that's too old and I was like I don't know that seemed a little bit much and she was like well why do you think a kid like yourself would have been that angry and I noticed that it was because it was a chance for me to have an accomplishment and accomplishments were sort of the only way that I really received positive attention from my parents and so I was very angry because that was a missed opportunity. I noticed a sort of realization that once I have kids, that is sort of the last accomplishment on the list of accomplishments because inevitably your accomplishments kind of run out. I explained that after I take one more task then I'm kind of as high as my career lets me go as far as I'll have two licenses a private practice and it's not like certifications or trainings after that really mean anything, which I guess in thinking about it now I'm in there could be other accomplishments that I could focus on like writing a book or something but in general having kids is sort of that last thing on the list and I realized that once I have kids I'm not really an accomplishment to my parents anymore I'm not this trophy that they can display they would just focus their attention on my kids instead because if I only mean something when I have accomplishments, then I won't mean anything anymore when I'm a parent and I noticed that I felt sad and Lynn was like be curious about that and why would I feel sad and I was like honestly I don't really know I mean I guess it's just sad because like I'm at a place where I think I've realize my mom is never going to change and we are never going to be close and I'm not desperately kind of hoping we're trying to change that but it just makes me sad to think about how it won't matter to them and she asked me to notice why that is and I was like I mean I guess because for so long I've been living for them and not for me and I've been checking up all these accomplishments kind of hoping that one of these would make me be enough but inevitably nothing ever is and so I guess I would need to learn how to live for me. Lynn said that was a good stopping place and something for me to ponder on this week was just about what it would be like to live for myself and not for them. I said OK. We scheduled out in the next few sessions and honestly the whole June thing isn't going to be as crazy as she made it seem that we were able to work out scheduling. And honestly it's probably better that I don't see her the week of memorial day just because I won't be working on memorial day so I will probably be trying to make up sessions with my people the rest of the week so as much as I hate going a week without therapy, I will probably be too busy to really think much about it. I paid her and I headed out.

[ymd3signs]

How to become a designer without going to design school

This is a guide to show yourself design.

Update: I first published this blog post over a year ago. Since then, I've gotten many emails posing for more guidance and more comfortable to follow steps, and that I finally found one: Designlab. This course wasn't around once I was learning, but man does I wish it had been – it might have made the entire process tons less daunting. I like it's that it gives you project assignments and then connects you to a design mentor who gives you feedback (they have specialized ones who work on Facebook).

Step 1. Learn to ascertain 

The biggest mistake is jumping into Photoshop too fast. Learning Photoshop doesn't cause you to a designer, a bit like buying paintbrushes doesn't force you to an artist. Start with inspiration.

First, find out how to draw.

You don't need to sit during a room with a bunch of other artists trying to draw an unadorned woman.

You don't even need to get that good at drawing. Just learn some basics so you'll be comfortable sketching with a pen.

You only need to do one thing to find out the way to draw: get the book you can draw in 30 days and practice for half an hour a day for a month. I've checked out tons of drawing books, and this is often one among the simplest.

Learn graphic design theory

Start with the book Picture This. It's a storybook of Little Red Riding hood but will teach you the foundations of graphic design at an equivalent time.

Learn about color, typography, and designing with a grid. If you'll find an area class to show the fundamentals of graphic design, take it.

Go through a couple of those tutorials a day.

Learn some basics in user experience

There are tons of books about user experience. Start with these two quick reads which will get you within the right mindset:

The Design of Everyday Things

Don't Make Me Think!

Learn how to write down

Here may be a sure sign of a nasty designer: their mockups are crammed with placeholder text like Lorem Ipsum. An honest designer may be a good communicator. A genuine designer thinks through the whole experience, choosing every word carefully. Write for humans. Don't write within the academic tone; you wont to make yourself sound smart in-class papers.

Read Made to Stick, one among my favorite books of all time. it'll teach you ways to suck in your readers.

Voice and Tone maybe a website filled with gems of excellent writing examples.

Step 2. find out how to use Photoshop and Illustrator.

Hooray! Now you've got a reasonably solid foundation – both visual and UX. You're able to learn Photoshop. I like to recommend starting with Illustrator first then moving on to Photoshop after. Illustrator is what designers use to form logos and icons.

Learn Illustrator

There are plenty of books, online tutorials, and in-person classes to find out Illustrator. Choose the design that works best for you. Here are the books I found especially helpful to find out the fundamentals of Illustrator:

Adobe Illustrator Classroom in a Book – It's boring, but if you get through a minimum of half it, you'll know your way around Illustrator pretty much.

Vector Basic Training – This book teaches you ways to form things in Illustrator that look good.

Now for the fun stuff! Follow these online tutorials and be impressed by what you'll make. Here are two of my favorites – a logo and a scenic landscape.

Learn Photoshop

There are 1,000,000 and one tutorials out there. Tons of them are crap. Fortunately, there are sites with really top quality tutorials. PSDTuts by TutsPlus is one among them.

Here's a simple photoshop tutorial to form an iPhone app.

Here's another good photoshop tutorial to make an internet site mockup.

Carve out an hour or two a day to travel through some tutorials, and you'll be impressed by how quickly you progress.

Step 3. Learn some specialties

Do you want to style mobile apps? Websites? Infographics? Explore all of them, and pick and choose those you enjoy to urge better at them.

Learn Logo Design

Learn how to form a logo that doesn't suck: Logo Design Love

You'll want to require it a step further than a logo, though. Learn to make a uniform brand – from the web site to the business cards. Inspect this book, Designing Brand Identity.

Learn Mobile App Design

Start with this tutorial to urge your feet wet on visual design for mobile apps.

Read this short but very comprehensive and well-thought-out book on iPhone design: Tapworthy. it'll teach you ways to form an app that looks good and straightforward to use.

Geek out on the apps on your phone. Critique them. What works and what doesn't?

Learn Web Design

Read Don't Make Me Think to find out how to make an internet site that folks find it easy to use and navigate.

Read The Principles of Beautiful Web Design if you would like help making an internet site look good.

Make an inventory of the websites you think that are beautifully designed. Note what they need in common.

Now for the hairy question of whether you would like to understand HTML/CSS as a designer: It depends on the work. Knowing it'll offer you a foothold within the job market. Albeit you don't want to be an internet developer, it helps to understand some basics. That way, you recognize what's possible and what isn't.

There are numerous excellent resources to find out HTML and CSS:

My favorite free one is Web Design Tuts.

My favorite paid one (pretty affordable at $25/month) is Treehouse. If you're ranging from the start and need someone to elucidate things clearly and comprehensively, splurge for Treehouse tutorials.

Step 4. Build your portfolio

You don't get to attend a flowery design school to urge employment as a designer. But you are doing need a solid portfolio.

How does one build a portfolio if you're starting for the primary time? The great news is you don't get to work on real projects with real clients to create a portfolio. Structure your side projects. Here are a couple of ideas:

Design silly ideas for t-shirts.

Find poorly designed websites and redesign them.

Got a thought for an iPhone app? Mock it up.

Join a team at Startup Weekend and be a designer on a weekend project.

Enter a 99 designs contest to practice designing to a quick.

Do the graphic design exercises within the Creative Workshop book.

Find an area nonprofit and offer to design for free.

Resist the temptation to incorporate everything you've ever designed in your portfolio. This is often an area for your most vital work only.

Steal, steal, steal initially. Don't worry about being original – which will come later, once you're more comfortable with your craft. Once you learn an instrument, you find out how to play other people's songs before composing your own. The same goes for design. Steal like an artist.

Go to Dribbble for inspiration on a number of the simplest designers. Inspect pttrns for iOS inspiration, and patterntap for website inspiration.

Step 5: Get employment as a designer.

When I first started learning design, I visited an employment search workshop for designers. I walked into an area filled with designers who had far more experience than I did – 5, 10, 15 years experience. All of them were trying to find jobs. That wasn't very safe. There I used to be, trying to show myself design, knowing I used to be competing with these experienced designers.

And yet six months later, I got a design job. There was one key difference between many opposite designers that gave me an edge and me: I knew how to work with developers.

The most significant factor to spice up your employability is to be ready to work with developers. Learn some interaction design. Learn some basic HTML and CSS. Designers within the tech industry (interaction designers, web designers, app designers) are in too high demand and are paid well. That's where the roles are immediate.

If you don't have any experience working with developers, get some. Attend Startup Weekend, attend hackathons, or find a developer through a project collaboration site.

Make a private website and make your portfolio the centerpiece.

Go out and make serendipity happen – tell everyone you recognize that you're trying to find employment as a designer. You never know who might know someone.

Research companies and agencies you would possibly have an interest in. Look on LinkedIn for 2nd and 3rd-degree connections to people that work on those companies and invite intros. The most uncomplicated thanks to getting employment is thru a link. If you don't have a connection, there's still tons you'll do to offer yourself a foothold.

Once you've got the work, continue learning.

I've been at Exec for a year now and have learned plenty of the work. I hunt down designers who are far more talented than I'm and learn from them. I find design classes (good online ones are Skillshare, General Assembly, Treehouse, and TutsPlus). I work on side projects. I geek out at the planning section of bookstores. there's still such a lot to find out and to enhance on.

Keep your skills sharp, and always continue learning.

[peppurthehotone]

On February 23rd, on what thankfully turned out to be a sunny day in Los Angeles, I walked into the heavily guarded, star-studded gates of what is possibly The Oscars for some in attendance: The Film Independent Spirit Awards.

Thanks to our dear friends and Matt’s co-workers over at Lagralane Group, we were graciously extended the golden invitation to attend. Once I learned I was going, I waited with anticipation for what was sure to be my most sparkling Hollywood moment thus far. Truth be told, I felt like I’d arrived. Sort of. Let me explain.

The Film Independent Spirit Awards (aired in IFC Channel) are for the best and the brightest and the boldest independent filmmakers of the year. So, yeah, for the Indie world, in my opinion, this IS the Oscars. And let me tell you, when we discovered our table was two tables away from Tilda Swinton to the North, one table away from Marcia Gay Harden to the South, one table away from Regina King to the East and right behind Marisa Tomei, I was giddy with Oscar-worthy excitement.

Umm! Hello! Watch the entire show to see more of Matt and Jason & Yvonne (Lagralane) here:

I wasn’t on screen, I hadn’t done any work to be lauded, so why did I feel as though I’d arrived? Because for once, I’d been invited to a table! I wasn’t at the event because I was a PA wrangling talent. I wasn’t an assistant managing “+1s”. I wasn’t a driver parking a celeb’s SUV (like a I did for J-Lo’s set visit when I was a 2nd 2nd AD on the film 48 Hours To Live.) I was there for the purpose intended, to celebrate! And that gave me a fun sense of arrival. Plus, I was able to hug it out with some old sketch comedy friends, Diallo and his wife Brittney, and that truly felt amazing.

The spirit of the Spirit Awards is a lot like senior year graduation. There’s a lotta genuine joy in the room; lots of hugs and laughter and happy tears. It’s a “hello”, a “goodbye”, a “how ya been?”, a “what’s next?” and a “I hope I win!” for many in attendance. For me, having been at Sundance a month prior, where I saw the world-wide premiere of The Farewell by Lulu Wang and attended a panel featuring her, it was awesome to be “reunited” with her again at the Spirit Awards, dressed cute but casual in a pants outfit. It was equally awesome to reunite with Boots Riley and watch him win Best First Screenplay for Sorry to Bother You and watch Barry Jenkins win Best Feature, Director and Supporting Actress for If Beale Street Could Talk when just a week prior I had heard both of them speak on a director’s panel. As an observer, as somebody’s +1, it was all pretty awesome.

I think this experience is no different than those of you who go to sales conferences where you brush elbows with the top regional seller who you may or may not have a photo of on your vision board; or for the dentists who attend continuing education workshop weekends in Vegas and you’re reunited with a rock star dentist whose techniques have inspired you; or for the writers who attend book festivals only to see J.K. Rowling strolling down the hallway coming right at you. It’s all the same and what I learned from going to the Spirit Awards is that in order to be inspired to be the best at your craft, you’ve gotta be in the room. You’ve gotta get there and while there, you’ve gotta show UP!

What does this mean, exactly? Two things.

One:

You all know I’m an entertainer. I’m over twenty years in this industry as a writer/dancer/actor/producer/director. Of COURSE I want to be up there winning something and making a speech. But there’s a time and a place and this one wasn’t mine. Accepting that makes it a lot more fun to simply be in the room rather than wishing you could have somebody else’s ice cream. (It has taken over twenty years to reach this mature, enlightened perspective.) Howeves, friends. I have always learned by watching, doing and following. I’m inspired by it. When I entered Marquette as a freshman, there was a graduating senior there at the university who was from my high school in Kenosha. We ran into each other in the commons and he was super excited because he just found out he was going to be the Senior Speaker. I was like, “What’s that?” And he told me it’s an honor like valedictorian but you’re sort of nominated by and voted on by peers and faculty. I was like, “Cool! I want that too.” And four years later, I got it. He inspired me. I did the work, I showed up during my college career and boom!

Two:

I’m not famous and I didn’t have a film project to talk about while munching shrimp hors d’oeuvres and sipping Moscow mules while mingling outside pre-show with hundreds of people. This sort of “not-having” thing can make you feel less-than, like you haven’t done the work and you haven’t shown up to your own talent. You have to be where you are … where you are. (Feel me?) You may not be the superstar of the moment. But you’ve gotta remember you ARE a superstar. You DO shine just by being present and compassionate and you. I know I’m a great connector. I know I’m fantastic at making people feel comfortable and included. I know my dazzling smile can be a beacon of light in a sea of faces who aren’t. So this is where I show up. Where I stand in my power and in my worth, because it is mine. Where I am right now. I encourage you to do the same. I don’t care if your Spirit Awards is your monthly book club, quarterly parent-teacher’s dinner, Wednesday night yoga class or a +1 to a Black Tie Gala. Show up as you are.

And I’m gonna tell you, I had to remind myself of this even while I was there. I was heading back to my table from a between-awards bathroom run and there in front of me was the fabulous Marisa Tomei, dressed in fab, black full skirt and what seemed like a punk rock t-shirt. My heart started to race, because I love her so much, but I had to act like I was sort of a peer and not a fan, because its the spirit of the Spirit Awards so I stood really tall (taller than her) on my red stilettos and did the polite “Hollywood Look Away”. But I couldn’t help it; when I passed her I sooo wanted to be her senior graduation best friend, that I literally, like hung my head a little and whispered, “Hey Marisa.” I’m certain next time we see each other we’ll be BFFs and sign each other’s cell phone cases.

One more thing, please? I know this is long.

When you do show up, look amazing. Why? Because, looking good really does make you feel good. For this year’s Spirit Awards, I wore this navy blue long gown accompanied with my mom’s vintage jacket she has had since I was a baby. Now, I hadn’t worn that dress since Landi’s 40th birthday ball, which means I hadn’t really worn the dress for five years ago. As I was getting dressed, I remembered how great my curves used to look in the dress, but now I had a speedbump in my stomach area that wasn’t there before. Grrrr. I had to wear the jacket to cover the eight pounds I’m not used to having.

Fortunately and unfortunately, I still see myself as a 40 year old, so really, I’m doing myself a disservice to think I’m the same body from that time. I’m not dancing in my underwear regularly; my life is different, I’ve been through a lot of different stuff, so why wouldn’t my body look different? After that struggle of acceptance, I had to deal with my face. Argh.

Based on my experience in this industry, one subtle difference between a celebrity person, or a person who’s meant to be somewhere is their makeup. Don’t judge me. It’s a truth in this industry. Think of it as a track athlete who shows up to a meet in Keds versus spikes. Or when I showed up for my first Luvabull’s audition in shorts and a tank top. Doesn’t mean the person ain’t worth nothin’, just means they aren’t ready, haven’t gotten the memo, and ain’t gonna be on the red carpet today.

Somehow I expertly sabotaged myself and didn’t give myself enough time to do my own makeup properly. So, I never got my lashes on. I never found my liquid base which magically disappeared and resulted in me turning the bathroom upside down only to accept defeat of not having it and succumbing to using primer and powder (so not dewy!)….and being late. Honestly guys, looking and feeling your best is a form of showing up. This sort of thing is something we can control. I know it is hard to show up well when some of these things cost money; especially when that money is needed to go towards rent and not a cut, color and blow dry. To that end, I urge you to get creative. On Facebook, I’m in a support group for women artists and the like. Lots of times, a makeup artist will barter her brush for services from a videographer or editor to help her make branded tutorial videos. Or a person who knows how to garden will barter her green thumb for pet sitting from a dog walker. The list goes on. Find a way.

My friend Yvonne showed up. She had a makeup person and she looked and I imagine, felt fab. And right when we arrived, she seriously was whisked aside by a photographer for a photo! #winning. This is how you learn from your friends and get inspired.

Our awesome table

Matt smiling because I made him

See Yvonne’s fab makeup?

These three ladies all nominated for Best First Screenplay

And me!

Regina King Winning

Our new friend

Ok, that’s the end of my lesson of “What I learned by showing up at The Spirit Awards”. I hope you’re fulfilled and inspired. Until next time.

  What I learned by showing up at the Spirit Awards On February 23rd, on what thankfully turned out to be a sunny day in Los Angeles, I walked into the heavily guarded, star-studded gates of what is possibly The Oscars for some in attendance: The…

[jimmyandthepulsatingmass]

Developer Retrospective: The God of Crawling Eyes

It’s been a while since I did the last one of these, and Jimmy’s progress is a bit slow right now because I’ve been grading lots of essays, so why not talk about another one of my oldies?

What is The God of Crawling Eyes?

When I first found out about rpgmaker.net, it happened to be around October and rpgmaker.net had a little Halloween horror game contest that was about to start up, so I figured entering it would be a good way for me to make myself known to the community and maybe stir up some interest in A Very Long Rope.  I had about a month to crank out a game, and I ended up producing The God of Crawling Eyes in about three weeks because of work.  I had no clue that horror games had a thriving community, so the game that I spent the least amount of time on ended up being my most played.  Here’s some stuff I learned from the experience:

Nobody on the Internet cares about your development time.  Nobody cares about your limitations or if this was your first game.  If your game somehow manages to break outside of your bubble of friends and fellow devs, everyone is going to judge it based on its own merits and weigh it against every other game that exists.  That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make games to learn and grow, but if you put something in a public forum, people might just end up playing it, and you’re going to need to develop some thick skin; luckily, I’d put my work on the line a bunch in creative writing workshops, so I was used to being under the magnifying glass, but I could see how a younger dev might not be emotionally prepared to have their work dissected by strangers.  One of the most shocking things for me when putting The God of Crawling Eyes was that, within a week or so, I saw someone on Youtube playing it and translating it to German.  It’s easy to forget that The Internet gives you a potentially global reach.

Work within your own limitations.  Experimenting is great, and I think that you should stick your fingers in every part of making a game, but when you’re making something that’s expressly for other people or you’re working against a hard deadline, it’s time to use your past experience to make the best game you can.  One of the smartest decisions I made with The God of Crawling Eyes was keeping everything in black and white.  I built the game around a character who was color blind, so there was a clear story reason for it, and it allowed me to get around my weakest area of game dev (art).  Tiles were pretty simple, and character sprites and face sets were simply generated sprites that got thrown into MS Paint and saved as monochrome.  It ended up looking pretty decent other than a few things here and there (I would have cleaned up the giant monster dog sprite, for instance), and it let me focus more on showcasing my strengths.

Never underestimate knowledge.  Like, seriously: if you’re younger, just learn things.  Hell, if you’re older, you shouldn’t neglect learning new things, either.  And, I don’t just mean learn about game dev; you’ll be surprised how often you can reach back into your knowledge base and pull out bits and pieces and synthesize them into something interesting.  You find ways to use what you know--it’s just how your brain works.  A lot of people scoff at math, for example, but using math and, more importantly, the logical way of problem solving that math teaches, will help you do some really interesting stuff in game dev.  For The God of Crawling Eyes’s soundtrack, I was able to think back to what I learned in a 20th century composition course I took in college and pull from texture/density and 12-tone music.  Those aren’t forms of music I would have been exposed to in a normal setting, and the soundtrack kind of makes the game.  Now that I’m working on Jimmy, I’ve been influenced by way more.  It took me a while to get the track I’m working on now heading in the right direction, but what started making it click was thinking about having essentially two different songs playing simultaneously, which is something Charles Ives was doing forever ago and something I didn’t think I would ever use, but here I am.

Spend a long time in the planning process.  I was on a deadline, so I planned out The God of Crawling Eyes in about five/six hours.  Since I didn’t think about the amount of people who would actually play the damn thing, I wish I would have taken another full day to hammer out some stuff.  I would have designed the early game to have more gameplay to better teach the players how the game operates, for instance.  Or, I would have made the lengthy dialogue-heavy scenes skippable and added more to the game in terms of the effect of your choices so as to further underscore the theme and give players more to chew on for multiple play throughs.

Telegraph the properties of interactable objects to your players.  For the most part, I think that the gameplay side of The God of Crawling Eyes is a little rough around the edges but gets the job done, but there are some things where people got stuck that I wish I would have handled differently.  The big one is that, at one point, you have to push a file cabinet in front of a door.  I made the player have to push an object earlier in the game, but I should have made them push a cabinet for some reason.  If a character was looking for a key or something, and I made a shining spot that you could see peeking out from under a file cabinet, players would naturally push the cabinet and “cabinets can be pushed” would be filed into the backs of their brains.  I guess that probably a better way of putting this is “keep player psychology in mind.”

I think that’s about it for this one!  The God of Crawling Eyes was a pretty short game that was mostly in my safe zone, so it didn’t have as much impact on me as A Very Long Rope, but it was still an interesting experience that opened me up to the horror side of the RPG Maker community, which is something that’s coloring my work on Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass in a more nuanced, interesting way.  I’m super grateful that the community picked up The God of Crawling Eyes and gave it a play!

[gardinerhouse-blog]

Senior Series: Alex Pt. 1

Alex Miller uses she/her pronouns. She was born in Midland, TX, but has lived in the Houston, TX area, Moscow, Russia, and Cambridge, England, so who knows where she’s from.

What is your major and how did you pick it?

My major is East Asian Studies, and I knew that I wanted to major in it even before coming to Smith—that’s actually one of the reasons I picked Smith, is that this major was available. I started studying Japanese my freshman year of high school, and I knew I wanted to continue with that, but I also wanted to take history classes more than literature classes so I knew that an East Asian Languages & Literatures major was not for me. One of my favorite things about the EAS major is that it’s multi-disciplinary, so there are a lot of cross-listed courses. You can take art history classes, history classes, anthropology classes, government classes, and they can all count towards the major.

Where did you study abroad, and what was that like? 

I studied abroad in Kyoto, Japan with the Associated Kyoto Program for my junior year. It was pretty amazing and I had a lot of incredible experiences, thanks to my wonderful host family. The first month was really tough, though, I’m not going to lie! I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, but it turned out I had no clue—my host family was a lot bigger, more lively, and initially overwhelming, than I had been led to expect from the paper from my program telling me who I was going to be living with.

But by the time I got to the end of that first month, I was like “well, if I could handle all that, I can definitely handle the rest of the year.” And I ended up having a really great time. I went to a bunch of rock concerts with my host family and with my friends, and I traveled a lot with my host family, and also with friends. My host mom bought flowers every couple of weeks so we could arrange them together, and we watched music programs on TV together. My friends and I hung out in Kyoto a lot, did a lot of karaoke, and frequented this giant coffee shop with literally hundreds of different parfaits available.

 AKP actually provides a significant amount of financial support, from paying for our monthly transportation passes to and from school, to giving us a lunch stipend, to the monthly “cultural activities grant.” All of that allowed me to do more than I probably would have if all that was available to me was my own money. The program also had field trips and events that ensured we got to visit some cool and important places, and try out new things.

Honestly, though, the reason I had such an amazing time studying abroad was my host family. They were all amazing and kind and welcoming, and my host mom and I still message each other. She sends me pictures of her grand-kids every time we talk, and likes to check that I’m not too stressed and am taking time to enjoy myself in college.

I sort of intermittently kept a blog while I was abroad. You can see it here: http://jyakyoto1516.tumblr.com/ and you can also ask me questions through there if you want to!

Have you been involved in any extracurriculars or campus jobs at Smith? Which have been most rewarding to you, and why?

Fall semester of first year, I signed up for a bunch of clubs I never went to, but then in the spring semester I started doing a radio show with my friend Suwei because two of our other friends, Meghan and Siobhan, were having so much fun with their radio show. Sophomore year, I had radio shows both semesters, and I was also an SAA (Student Academic Advisor) for Gardiner, and a liaison for the East Asian Studies department. Junior year I was abroad, and then this year I’ve had a radio show both semesters, I’m the head of the HSECs (House Social Events Coordinators) in Gardiner, I’m a student editor for Global Impressions magazine, and for the spring semester I’ve also been our Social Media Chair.

As for which of these has been most rewarding, I would say all my positions with Gardiner House, and then also being a WOZQ DJ.

Being an SAA my sophomore year I was able to help out incoming first years with figuring out life at Smith, and Bae and I planned some fun events to help build house community—like big-little bonding with silly camp games, including a mummy-making contest, and Floor Wars, complete with a banana-eating contest and crab soccer.

As an HSEC, I’ve continued to create events to try to facilitate the creation of house community and encourage bonds across class years in the house. I’ve worked with five really wonderful firsties to make sure events like Fetish (our fall semester party that usually happens around Halloween), Yule Ball, and March Masquerade have gone smoothly and been special and fun for our housemates. I’ve also organized some smaller events, like the Gardiner Olympics (Floor Wars, but re-branded), a karaoke night, and some movie nights and stuff.

As Social Media Chair I’ve been most focused on starting this blog and creating content for it, and that’s been really fun. I get to learn a lot about my housemates as I interview them for the podcast, or put their interview answers together for a text-post. Making the videos and podcasts takes a lot of time, but I’m also learning some cool skills as I do.

And then lastly, doing radio shows. This is honestly just so much fun. I’ve co-DJed with friends and also DJ-ed alone, and either way, it’s great. WOZQ the organization itself is pretty disorganized and this is what best sums up my reaction to them: -__- But! Every week, I make a two-hour playlist of music I like, and then I get to go down to the booth and play my music over the airwaves to whoever’s listening while I blast it through very nice speakers for myself. A+.

Is there a Smith event, either in the house particularly or on the campus as a whole, that you think is really special and wish more people knew about?

Every spring, Smith has its own Sci-fi/Fantasy convention called ConBust. My first couple years here I kind of just assumed it would be pathetic and not worth the money to go, so I ignored it. And then senior year I saw one of their posts on Facebook and so I followed the link to their schedule of events and I was like “…why…why did I not look at this before?”

It is a small con, but that means you really get to talk to the panelists, and they bring in really cool people. There were two freelance manga translators there this year who did a lot to help put me in touch with people in the industry with the power to hire me if I was interested in pursuing a career as an manga editor. There were a bunch of authors and editors, an animator from Cartoon Network, cartoonists, the guy who created the Dothraki language for Game of Thrones, and more. There are weapons demonstrations, there’s food, an artist alley, people in cosplay (and not). If you love sci-fi/fantasy, this is an amazing event. I went to some really interesting talks, like the one on Creepypasta, and some fascinating panels that dealt a lot with how we create sci-fi/fantasy worlds, so there was one on making magic systems, another on interstellar governments. And then there were also panels that were about examining how we consume and interact with things, like the panel on fandom and criticism, and another on videogames as literature.

Also, if you’re at all interested in writing sci-fi/fantasy, OMG GO. I got so much advice and learned a lot, not just about world-building and editing, but also how the publishing industry works and what different routes are available to get your work out there, and what the pros and cons of each are.

I went with a couple friends and I honestly spent pretty much my entire weekend at ConBust. I got way more out of it than the $15 I spent for my weekend pass.

What have been your favorite courses at Smith and why?

ENG 296: Advanced Fiction Writing: I’ve taken this class twice, once with Emily Barton in the spring of my sophomore year, and this spring with Ruth Ozeki. And both times it has been wonderful. Ruth Ozeki is amazing. (I also really enjoyed ENG 206: Intermediate Fiction Writing with David Maine). I love creative writing, so it’s great to have classes that force me to prioritize my writing and work on it throughout the busy school year. I can really see my progress as a writer when I look back through stories that I’ve written and revisions I’ve done for these classes, which makes me proud. These are workshop-style classes, and so you get lots of feedback on your work, both from the professor (always a published author), and from your classmates. I also definitely learned how to give more constructive feedback and criticism, and how to take it. A+, 10/10, would take again, and in fact, did.

HST 217: WWII in East Asia: History and Memory: I took this class second semester first year with my major advisor, Professor Marnie Anderson. Every class I’ve taken with her has been amazing, because she’s a great professor—really knowledgeable and understanding, and also organized. She gets the necessary information across in her lectures, which are usually pretty engaging, and she’s really good at facilitating and supporting discussion in class.

For this particular class, we focused on certain big events from WWII in East Asia, like the issue of the comfort women, the atomic bombings of Japan, war propaganda in the US and Japan, and the Nanjing Massacre. We examined these issues from multiple perspectives, and it was truly fascinating to see not only how different countries remember things very differently, but also how historical memory changes over time within the same country. It was a really fascinating, thought-provoking class, and I highly recommend it to everyone.

Digital Media Literacy 2017: This was actually a J-term class I took this year and it was one of the best classes I’ve ever taken at Smith, no joke. It’s a fairly intense class, and we all learned so much. I had zero digital media experience going in, and I came out knowing the basics of Photoshop, how to use a DSLR camera, how to scout a location for audio and video recording, how to set up light-kits and microphones for a video shoot, how to capture audio and video, and then how to edit my footage in Premiere Pro. We learned about copyright, too, and how to do some basic things in Motion5 to make animations. Am I perfect, now? No. But I can do things I had literally no clue how to do before I took this class, and I’m building on those skills as Social Media Chair for Gardiner.

You can see some more stuff about the course, including examples of the work we did, here: https://spark.adobe.com/page/Uw4HSPPAYTV1d/

Also, here’s a video I made for the class! I had no clue how to do things like this before I took DML, and by the end of the 2 weeks, I was able to produce this, so that’s pretty impressive! (Thank you to Siobhan for letting me interview you all the time lol)

EAS 210: Culture and Diplomacy in Asia: I took this class with Professor Dennis Yasutomo and it was amazing. First of all, Professor Yasutomo is one of the best professors I have encountered during my college career. He really understands what it’s like to be a student—for this class we didn’t have to buy a single book, he gave us printouts and links to articles on Moodle, because he said he had always hated it when professors made him buy tone of books to read one or two chapters out of, so he wasn’t going to do that to us.

For this class, we examined different ideas about different countries’ negotiating styles and the various theories behind why they negotiate like that. His lectures were always informative, and discussions were always lively and interesting. And then at the end of class he would be like, “so, to sum up, what I’m hearing from you is that you think XYZ.” And we’d all be like “wait, now that you say it like that, no, hang on. Let me think about this some more.”

[stellar-stag]

Wow it’s been a while since I did a personal update here huh

I’ve honestly transitioned a lot of my venting/personal stuff to twitter

(I promise I havent abandoned you for my furry friends)

(I kinda have)

(I totally have)

(sorry)

But I feel like the last couple months have been a whirlwind for me, so I may as well keep y’all in the loop. I’m gonna sort these by topic.

First off, I had some issues with my romantic feelings. There’s a guy, a very very good friend, who is just fantastic in so many ways. Friendly and kind and supportive, progressive and enthusiastic, and shares so many of my interests. Seems natural that I would fall for him, right?

Well I did, and it resulted in a lot of emotional duress.

He has a girlfriend, and I knew this going in, but I didn’t fight my attachment. In the process of admitting my feelings to him and working through everything, I learned a lot about myself and got some practice in controlling my emotional state and how I react to things. But I also relied on him as an emotional crutch and used him for validation, especially during some particularly low emotional points, which is unfair to him. It is only because he is immensely understanding that we remain close friends, and this could have easily resulted in disaster.

But through this process I have grown, and identified a new issue blocking me from being of completely sound mind: Low self-esteem and reliance on others for validation. During my more anxious periods, I would slip into joking self-deprecation, and somewhere along the way it stopped being so joking. But surely, now that I’m taking meds for anxiety it would stop, right? Well, no. Turns out, even if I stopped consciously having thoughts of “Wow, I’m so bad at this”, I didn’t automatically gain appreciation or acceptance of myself. This manifests in a particularly dangerous manner when guys who are attractive are nice to me. 

I end up conflating kindness with romantic intent, and decide that obviously, if someone doesn’t have romantic interest in me, I must be irreparably flawed in some way. This is bullshit, and I consciously understand that, but my subconscious doesn’t play by the rules. So I end up in a self-loathing spiral that only manifests in periods of intense romantic desire, and a month later I’m exhausted, bruised, and have run the risk of alienating those around me who care about me.

So how to fix it? I suppose I’ll need to work on drawing validation from within, so that rejection feels less of a condemnation of my character and everything I am. It won’t be simple, to be sure, but understanding the issue is the key to overcoming it. 

Here’s hoping.

Secondly: I started working out! As of today, March 24th, I have been to the gym 12 times this month (half the days, holy shit) and thats because I, last week, decided to go from 3 workouts a week to 5, solely because I wanted to. If you told me a year ago that I would, of sound mind and body and my own volition, wake up every weekday at 5:45am to go workout for an hour, and enjoy the experience, I would have called you a liar. 

But I am, and I do. I think it’s benefitting my mental health and self confidence, and I’m thankful that I’m in a place where its even an option. This is only possible due to a coalition of so many factors: A free gym in my office and a natural predilection to waking up early to remove barriers, I started taking Vyvanse in January to aid in my attention issues (not sure if I have ADD/ADHD or what, but it’s helping me remained focused in all aspects of my life and for that I am grateful). And, of course, two people who aided in the impetus for beginning and making it a habit: My dad, for giving me crippling self-worth issues my entire life and then visiting in February and criticizing my health and weight (because I was sweating after walking up a hill, which more and more I realize is not actually an indicator of my exertion! I am just a person who sweats easily, and its more a function of temperature and endocrine system than anything else) and giving me the sheer spite to begin working out, and the guy I was crushing on (who is intensely into working out, and I wanted to impress him. Yeah, I was hella thirsty. Sue me). 

Regardless of the reasoning, I found that (once I cut cardio because seriously, fuck cardio), I enjoy working out in the mornings. It’s calming to wake up by exertion and then cool down slowly at my desk before other people even wake up. It’s given rise to a ritual of sorts where I get to my desk, deal with my emails, make breakfast and tea, all before anyone shows up, so that I can really hit the ground running. And more than that, I don’t have a goal in mind. I’m doing this because I know it’s good for me and I want to be healthy, and I enjoy the exertion and following “good” tiredness. If I was trying to lose weight or trim  fat, or stuck only to cardio, I would have given up by now. But its a habit, and I love it, and I’m sleeping better, eating better, and feeling better.

Again, this is only possible because of an alignment of several factors, but I’m thankful for it, and I’m glad I got out of the mindset that “workouts must suck but people do them because they wanna lose weight”. You don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to do, and I wish I had realized that sooner. Im feeling way better about my body, even, because despite the fact that I haven’t lost weight or gotten trimmer from working out, I know I’m eating (pretty) well and working out, and that my body does everything I need it to. I can take pride in the callouses on my hands and the soreness of my body, because they’re proof of dedication, exertion, and effort, and those are way better things to feel good about than shape and size, anyways. If people think I’m unhealthy because I have fat, they can suck it.

Thirdly, I’ve begun looking for a condo to buy! Housing in the bay area is STUPID EXPENSIVE (and yes everyone knows this, and I know this, but it bears repeating). But I can put a down payment on a one bedroom in a good location, and I’m prequalified for a loan, and I just need to keep waiting and pouncing on leads. I think I’ll be happier living by myself with a kitchen to myself, and still going out to social events to prevent becoming a hermit. Plus, with this setup I can maybe bring dudes back and not have to show them the pigsty that is our living room or the shoebox that is my bedroom. I was terrified at the start of this process, but my mom and the realtor have been awesome about taking this step by step and ensuring nothing is confusing or surprising, which is sweet.

Fourthly, possibly because I’ve been taking Vyvanse but also possibly because I’ve finally begun understanding what the hell I’ve been doing, I’ve really hit my groove at work. The project I’m working on is complex but interesting, challenging but well understood, and I don’t feel alone but still get to feel a sense of ownership. It’s not the most fulfilling thing ever (I don’t know that working on payments platforms for a corporation ever will be) but I enjoy work, I don’t loathe going to work, and despite the fact that I was sick as a dog all this week, I came in everyday (after working out) to work full productive days, and I was happy at the end of each of them, more or less. Its not perfect but its head and shoulders above what most people get from their jobs, and I’m immensely fortunate to be in this position.

Fifthly, this is more a continuation of already known things, but I’m making cool friends in the furry fandom. I’ve made good friends, some who I hope I will keep as friends for the rest of my life, and I’ve already made plans to go to Reno in June and Disneyworld in November to hang out and have fun with them. As nerve wracking as being an adult is sometimes, the freedom is something I wouldn’t trade for anything. 

Sixthly, I’ve been taking a creative writing workshop in SF! It finished last weekend and I’m happy to not need to commute each week anymore, but I learned a lot about reading like a writer and choices you can make as a writer to achieve desired effects. The workshop focuses on narrators and how who is telling the story tells it, and the model they use for exercises is SO HELPFUL. We would read an excerpt of something, discuss how the narrator/choices/tense/mood all work together, and then we would write something in a similar format about whatever we wanted. Lemme tell yall, that is so much more helpful to me as a student than just prompts. Having a guide to format is like drawing from references, its helpful and and great for learning and gives you the tools to make your own things later on. I highly recommend it, and I can’t wait to get back to my book. 

Got a lot of art to make first, though. I’ve definitely improved a lot in artistic skill and confidence, and I’m loving finding niche styles that I like and mimicking them. The stained glass pic I posted yesterday is proof of that, I feel. Its drawn from Mucha and various real life stained glass windows and a bit from Kingdom Hearts, but I took these and the tools at my disposal and wove it into something that feels complete. I figured out how to apply a cloudy “glass” texture, glows, stabilization, symmetry tools, pattern design, and more all through the process, and I know theres so much room to iterate and grow, in shading and coloring and proportion. But even knowing I have room to grow, I’m proud of what I put out and I put a lot of my heart into that piece (yes, its a birthday gift for workout boy. Shut up). I think I’m going to accept commissions for pictures in this style, even. It’s great fun.

So yeah, the last couple of months have been intense. I’ve had ups and downs, but I’ve learned and grown a lot, and I think I’m in a really good place in my life right now, and I hope that every one of you achieves a similar level of peace.

[sumukhcomedy]

Future Comedy Nerds May Be A Bunch of Asses

I can tell you where I was when I watched some of them. I watched Mitch Hedberg's Comedy Central Presents plenty of times in my college apartment in Oxford, Ohio. I was in the bedroom I grew up in when I watched Chris Rock's Bring the Pain for the first time. I was in the family room I grew up in when I watched Dave Chappelle's Killin' Them Softly for the first time. In many cases, I was watching them years after they premiered grabbing what I could for the brief periods of time our family got free HBO from the cable company for whatever reason. I was even in that same family room when I watched Janeane Garofalo's HBO special in 1997 and my Dad was just sitting in his recliner. When Garofalo said “vagina,” it immediately got uncomfortable. But, later, my Dad chuckled at one of her jokes and said, “That's a good point.” Here was my Dad, a man whose comedy tastes fit the Jay Leno demographic perfectly, appreciating Janeane Garofalo, a symbol of alternative comedy rooms around the country. There are probably way more meaningful moments in my relationship with my Dad that I should remember but the absurdity of that moment with Janeane Garofalo stands out.

Those were the specials and they were special to me. They were special to me because I was what has now become labeled as a comedy nerd. That's comedy's impact on me. The beauty of it is I also managed to do the once unthinkable to me and become a professional stand-up comedian as well and get paid minimal to reasonable amounts of money to do it. I still am a comedy nerd but I've also become an adult who has to survive which makes my ability to consume comedy far more limited. Combine that with the growing amount of comedy that is accessible via the Internet and it feels insurmountable to interact with even my friends' comedy albums let alone what the masses are interacting with.

But college was a different story. That was the best time to be a comedy nerd. The extra time between classes and the accessibility to cable television on campus made comedy consumption a premium. This was an era where I found out about Dane Cook, Mike Birbiglia, Daniel Tosh, and Jim Gaffigan before they became household names. Comedy Central was an essential channel. Of course, beyond stand-up was the network's original television shows none having more of an impact than Chappelle's Show. I put a Chappelle poster on the front door of our dorm room whether my roommate even cared or not.

For me at least, comedy was and still is about joy. It's about positive energy. I had a high appreciation towards those that gave me the most joy. If someone didn't fulfill that then I simply had little regard for them but there still was some type of acknowledgment for their general existence in comedy.

When I was finally 21, I was able to attend a live show at a comedy club. My friends and I went to Hilarities (weird now as I have performed at Hilarities) in downtown Cleveland. I had never even heard of the headliner. He was a run-of-the-mill headliner, a guy that had been in comedy for decades. He was funny and he knew how to work the room. He maybe wasn't what I preferred in comedy, some of his stuff may have been hacky, and he wasn't in the realm of Birbiglia or Gaffigan whose humor at the time I appreciated much more but he did the job. He entertained the crowd and his experience showed through. It didn't matter to me that it wasn't the perfect show in my mind. I was finally experiencing live stand-up comedy in a comedy club like I had always watched on television. I just was amazed to be part of that experience.

Netflix is now changing the game and has taken over HBO as the gold standard for stand-up comedy specials. They intend on releasing a special per week and the merits of that are certainly debated among the comedy community. But, with the Internet and social media, we are also seeing the game changing in how audiences interact with the stand-up comedy special. There appear to be people looking for destruction rather than experiencing joy and it creates a back-and-forth that has little representation to the purpose of comedy. I expressed this to some degree earlier in what I wrote on Amy Schumer.

There appear to be some people that wish to look at a comedy special and nitpick. They seem to enjoy attacking a chunk of a special or a comedy style or a comedian's stage habits because it doesn't somehow live up to their expectation of what comedy should be even though their expectation is completely unclear. They would prefer to attempt to attack 4 minutes of a special and its content rather than appreciate the other 62 minutes of its content that they likely had no problem with. It appears that they would prefer to walk into comedy with an expectation to dislike it rather than to like it.

In 2007, Jamie Kennedy released a film, Heckler. The name Jamie Kennedy already probably draws eye rolls for some in comedy but the movie did well to expose a problem that has only grown worse with the rise of Twitter and Facebook. Kennedy exposed the heckling he received not only at live stand-up comedy shows but also on the Internet for his films. Much of the criticism had little to do with the content of his movies but rather were personal attacks on Kennedy. The Internet had created aggressive feelings and criticism in all areas. But its place in comedy and creativity seems at its most meaningless.

The Columbus Funny Bone was my home club when I lived in Columbus. Each week, the club would do its local showcase where comedians in Columbus of all experience levels could perform. Prior to the show, there was a workshop where comedians could go up and try out their new material to get advice from the other comedians about. While the effectiveness of this type of workshop is debatable, it does provide a good example of the presence of constructive criticism in comedy. It's no surprise that the most experienced comedians or the comedians that did have the best potential were also the most skilled in providing constructive criticism. It's because they had the ability to self-evaluate their own material and style and make it funny. As a result, they understood how to assist others in a proper way. But I could also tell in this workshop who were the comedians that weren't going to make it. These were the comedians who flatly rejected even the kindest or most helpful of criticism or the comedians who had no experience at all that were giving suggestions to 10-year veterans. Sometimes constructive criticism is being smart enough to just keep your mouth shut. Other times, it's about providing sound advice but doing it in a matter that is respectful to the other comedian because, you know, they are still a human being and this is something they took time to create even if it is potentially terrible comedy. The masses on the Internet have left behind constructive criticism and decency and it has seeped into comedy both in those who consume comedy and comedians themselves in how they interact with other comedy and even their audiences.

Very rarely do I tell anyone what comedy I don't like but I'll just use this as an example because it should have already been obvious anyway. I’m not a fan of Jeff Dunham's comedy. It's not my type of comedy. I've written before about my issues with Achmed the Dead Terrorist. But I can't deny either that Dunham is one of the most popular stand-up comedians now. Dunham often gets referenced to me when people find out I'm a stand-up comedian. Many of my co-workers love Jeff Dunham. But these same co-workers love me. They came to my album recording. They've bought my album. They are my friends. They are big supporters of me but they also told me they plunked down $40 to go see Dunham at the Ohio State Fair. Should I get mad at them because they appreciate Dunham's comedy and I don't? No. That's their choice and it's actually quite beautiful that people can have the ability to laugh at two very different types and styles of comedy. That's how I interact with comedy. Comedy is bigger than me. It represents something much larger for me and for so many people. So how could I look at someone who supports what I do and tell them they are wrong for liking something different than me? I'm just happy they're even experiencing the joy that comes with comedy the same way I experienced a Janeane Garofalo special with my Dad.

In 2017 on the Internet, it’s getting to the point that I can't decipher who is a comedy nerd and who is a buffoon. The lines of criticism have become so blurry because few are doing it properly. And, for the most part, it feels like comedians and defenders of comedy are just constantly in arguments with those critical of comedy rather than just enjoying comedy for what it is.

My college degree is in English Literature so maybe that opened me up to constructive criticism early on. But, simply writing “Charles Dickens is stupid” or “Charles Dickens writes too many words” wasn't sensible criticism. My professors would have failed me. But this is the era we find ourselves in where the quickest criticism written in 140 characters or less is the most acceptable when interacting with a special that took years for a comedian to create.

I love stand-up comedy, but when a person analyzes it in a manner where the joy is removed from it, what exactly is that person's interaction with comedy? That's just not what framed being a comedy nerd. Maybe there was a certain haughtiness to being a comedy nerd and a lack of appreciation for what someone like Dunham was doing on stage. But the desire to blindly ridicule someone like Dunham publicly or attempt to tear down those that were successful was never as present as it is today. They still were a part of, if not a substantial part of, the big picture that is comedy. I don't know if the college student comedy nerds or future comedy nerds will realize that with the state of criticism today where the goal apparently is to take a special and make it feel not special. 

We've always thought of the stand-up comedian as this sad figure. He or she stands on the stage entertaining audiences and making them laugh. But, deep down, the comedian is troubled, depressed, and miserable. That may be the case. But if social media is any indication, what we never knew was some of the audiences and the critics who we presume love comedy appear to be far more miserable than the comedians.  

[florencethemagpie]

Creative anxiety: some tips to get your small business moving (despite yourself)

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action.” – Carrie Fisher*

Starting an Etsy store has been on my goals list for a good two years now, so why did it take me until December 2016 to bite the bullet and actually open Tiding of Magpies? I mean, there are obviously a ton of different factors, but if I was going to boil it down into one reason, it would be this: anxiety.

Now, anyone who knows me IRL will know that my mental health isn’t the best, but I’m talking creative anxiety, not can’t-leave-the-house, medical anxiety. It’s something that affects even the most ambitious and confident creatives from time to time, and never more so than when we’re starting out. Because, let’s face it, starting something new is scary. Putting yourself and your work out there is no small ask, and it’s so tempting to immerse yourself in market research and procrastinate by tinkering with your products and your brand and a million and one other things. I feel you. But if, like me, you’re struggling to get started, here are a couple of things that might help.

Be prepared…

There are a few things you need to be ‘ready’ to start selling: a name, some products you’re proud of, a platform on which to sell them, a way of getting products to your customers, a working brand identity, realistic prices, an idea of the market you want to enter, and an online presence. Sound intimidating? That’s where preparation comes in. Being prepared is crucial for success, but it’s also crucial for actually starting something which could be a success in the first place. Feeling like you know something about your area and your business is an essential part of overcoming creative anxiety and putting yourself out there.

…but know when to stop preparing

That said, there’s no such thing as having every possible duck in a row with this sort of business. Honestly, you’ll never feel ready. The closest you can get is to have the key details in place and a decent idea of the market you’re about to enter. It’s mostly the practicalities which will trip you up in the early days, so once you have got the details sorted, you’re ready to go. You can tweak your brand and everything else once you know what works and what doesn’t, and the only way you can know that is to just take the leap. If you sit around forever trying to know ‘everything’ before you start, you risk never actually doing it. Plus, online platforms like Etsy make it so easy and so cheap to start selling your handmade goods that you basically get a free pass to try things out. Still need a push? Consider relinquishing a bit of that control (easier said than done when it’s your ‘business baby’, I know, but bear with me).

External factors

My dad, who is a wonderful human (but always right and, my God, he knows it) was actually the catalyst for the ‘grand launch’ of Tiding of Magpies. We were on the phone last November when he came straight out with it: ‘So, when are you opening your shop? It’s nearly Christmas, just pop some things online and see what happens. You might not sell anything but you’ll get your jewellery out there.’ In his annoyingly-right way, he had given me the shove I needed. I stopped fussing over every word on my Twitter bio and obsessively polishing the various pieces of jewellery that were mounting up on my workbench, and decided to open my shop by the start of December.

My dad had given me the encouragement, but it was setting the target and telling people about it that finally got my store open. I fixed Friday, 2nd December as my opening date and started telling everyone who’d listen what date my stuff would be on sale – partner, friends, family, Instagram followers, both of my parents’ dogs… Once the outside world was ‘holding me accountable’, I felt a real obligation to get my shit together. Of course, nobody would have been upset or angry with me if I hadn’t met my target, but I knew I would, and that everyone else would know I’d failed. That turned out to be enough.

Look for some inspiration

This helps before, during and after you start out, in my experience. These are a few podcasts, blogs and Instagram accounts that help me if I’m feeling negative about my business.

Being Boss – These ladies never fail to get me motivated to work hard and aim high, plus they do it all in a chatty, entertaining way.

Create and Cultivate – A ton of inspirational women doing feminist crafting and sharing ideas. Discourse + inspiration + creativity = my dream! Their Instagram is pretty fab, too.

Rachel Lucie – Yorkshire-based jewellery designer whose blog is full of lush photography and interesting behind-the-scenes posts.

Rising Tide Society – Gorgeous, motivational images and advice. Need something to kick off a business brainstorm? Look no further.

Silver Pebble – I booked onto one of Emma’s workshops for my Mum’s birthday present after seeing her in Mollie Makes Magazine, and it was a pretty key moment in figuring out my design process. Her Instagram feed is stunning (and makes me wish I could draw).

Quick disclaimer: Inspiration is great, but if, like me, you’re prone to perfectionism and self-criticism remember that your success and someone else’s success aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s easy to scroll through Instagram for a bit and become paralysed with the thought that you’ll ‘never be as successful as x, y or z, so why bother?’, but that’s bullshit. Inspiration, not comparison is the way forward.

Look, I know ‘just do it’ is basically a crap piece of advice unless you’re selling sportswear, so…

…do your homework, make things you’re proud of, and then kick anxiety in the face and go out and start your business! It’s hard and it takes time but it’s so incredibly exciting to do something you really love and to discover that people outside of your immediate circle actually value your work (literally and figuratively). I know anxiety deals in ‘what ifs’, but what if you get an order, or two orders, or even just someone favouriting a product? The emotional boost that gives you will be worth it, and anxiety can do one.

Fiiiiinally, if anyone else has tips or opinions on starting a small creative business, let me know – I’m still figuring this stuff out myself…

*Obviously I’m still gutted about Carrie’s passing and may or may not be quoting her at every opportunity, but it’s also solid advice.