#Astarion work in progress cause this is my life now

[jenofthefar]

I am suffering from severe Astarion brainrot, send help, thank you that is all

[amica-aenigmata-naboo]

COLLISION

Astarion x Y/N - Chapter 1 - 2.6K WC

Masterlist

Chapter 1 (you are here!)

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 NSFW 18+

Chapter 6 NSFW 18+

Chapter 7 NSFW 18+

______________

You sat at your desktop and sighed. The clock in the corner of the screen read 2:38 AM. You could feel your eyes throb, the blue light from the screen was going to cause them to be bloodshot tomorrow you just knew it. You should probably call it a day but the Gauntlet of Shar was kicking your ass and you felt beyond dejected. Saving your progress you quit the game. You stare at the screen which had the Baldur’s Gate III loading screen, the green “play” button tempting you despite just logging off. Shutting down the computer you went through your night routine. Shower, brush teeth, pet the cat. You slid into your bed and sighed. Life felt so mundane, you wished you could adventure. Maybe that’s why the game was so appealing to you. You were already thinking about playing tomorrow after a grueling day of work. You set your alarm and slowly let yourself relax before going limp into a deep sleep.

____________

You could feel the migraine in your head before you even opened your eyes. You groaned before you realized you could also smell grass and feel a slight breeze on your brow. Suddenly a swift kick was planted into your side. Your eyes squeezed shut as you curled into yourself, holding your right side and coughing. 

“What the fuck!” You yelled. 

Coughing some more before you felt cold metal against your throat. You finally opened your eyes to see six people standing around you. People is a lose term as some had horns, tails, scales, etc. 

“Give me one reason I shouldn’t slit your throat where you lay istik.” Said the green woman in dazzling armor.

You couldn’t speak. Your heart was beating so fast it felt like it stopped. This was a dream. A fucked up dream. You really gotta lay off the Baldur’s Gate III because this is ridiculous.

You knew everyone looking at you but they did not know you. The blade pressed further into your throat and you let out a whimper. You did the only thing you could think of. You slowly put your hands up next to you head, palms open to show you meant no harm. Lae’zel let up ever so slightly but kept her eyes fixed on you. 

“She asked you a question.” Said Karlach as she crossed her arms over her chest, looking at you with curiosity but also caution.

“Y/n…. My name is y/n.” You squeaked out, feeling the blade start to dig into your neck.

“And how is it that you managed to stumble upon our camp?” Asked Astarion with an unimpressed tone. 

“I - I didn’t… I wasn’t looking for you I swear…. I just woke up here and I don't remember anything else.” Is sputtered out quickly, praying they believed you. 

You felt a sharp sting and a… wriggle? Behind your eye, Shadowheart forced herself into your mind. Just as quickly as she had entered, the pain stopped. 

“She’s telling the truth.” She said.

“Are you friend or foe? Speak now so I may offer you a clean death istik.” Lae’zel spat.

“Friend! Definitely a friend! I don’t want any trouble I promise!” Your voice shook and you could feel tears brimming in your eyes as you felt the blade draw blood.

Karlach gave a “tsk” before pushing past Astarion and Wyll. She stretched out a hand to you. You glanced at her, then back to Lae’zel. 

Karlach looked to Lae’zel before speaking, “They look like a scared puppy you can’t possibly think they’re a threat Lae’zel.” 

Lae’zel let out a huff before withdrawing her sword, your hand immediately flying to your throat only for it to be coated in blood. You looked at Karlach and quickly took her hand, scrambling to stand up before hunching over when you felt the shooting pain in your side.

“Ahhhh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck” you whispered to yourself. 

“Any sign of aggression and I will not hesitate to smite you.” Lae’zel said before walking back to her tent.

You finally straightened out. Looking at Karlach you spoke, “Thank you.” You gave her a smile, or what you could manage as a smile in the moment.

She looked you over before smiling brightly at you, “No worries soldier! I’m Karlach, pleasure to meet you.” She said while vigorously shaking your hand.

“Y/n.” You said softly while looking around. “I’m sorry, do any of you have a mirror?” 

“Not even with us for more than five minutes and you’re already preening for a mirror. Petty vanity will get the best of you darling. Besides, not much to admire if you ask me.” Astarion said with a sassy yet disinterested tone.

You scoffed. Karlach pulled out her sword, you went to take a step back, ready to book it, before she held it horizontally in her hands. She looked at you before glancing at the sword. You stepped closer. 

“You’ve gotta be shitting me…” you said, feeling your face and hair. The reflection looking back at you was your Tav from Baldur’s Gate III. You pinched and pulled at yourself not believing what you were seeing. 

“Something wrong?” Asked Shadowheart whom you made eye contact with in the reflection.

“I - I ummm… I’m um….. I’m not myself…” was all you could manage. Karlach sheathed her sword and you turned to finally face everyone. “Come find me when you want your bedroll y/n, I should have an extra one somewhere…” Karlach said before walking to the bonfire. 

Shadowheart looked you up and down before shrugging “Lady Shar’s blessings upon you stranger. Please join us, you must be in want of a meal.” she gave a soft smile before going back to her tent. 

Gale and Wyll introduced themselves. Gale healing the cut on your throat after mumbling a quick apology about Lae’zel stating she was the definition of overprotective and outrageously homicidal. Everyone had seemingly returned to their tents or the bonfire in the middle of camp. 

You sat back down in the clearing you woke up in. This was not real. No damn way. Maybe you’ve had a severe psychotic break. Maybe you have a brain eating parasite (literally). Maybe you ate a cordycep and this was the end for you. Literally anything else would make more sense than “Oh my ass got Jumanji'd”. You stared off into space, trying to keep your shaky breathing consistent. You felt the air chill around you as the sun fell behind the horizon and Shar’s embrace consumed the night. 

“You know it’s rude to stare.” said Astarion without looking up from you from his tent, the closest to your clearing and the direction you just so happened to be honing in on. 

You slowly shifted your eyes down, resting your head against your forearms as they rested on your knees. You just wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. “Sorry.” was all you could whisper. 

“Ugh gods, Karlach was right, you look like a scared puppy. Honestly, I don’t know how you’ve survived this long if you’re so…. fragile.” he continued his tone laced with a tinge of venom. 

Your eyes started to water. You stood up, your joints yelling at you as they snapped and popped. You walked into camp, trying to make yourself as quiet and invisible as possible, walking swiftly to Karlach’s tent. You took your bedroll silently and found a spot in a clearing under a tree opposite to the clearing you woke up in. Leaning your head against the trunk you closed your eyes, crying silently until you fell asleep. 

_________________

Astarion gazed at you from his tent for a large chunk of the night. Everyone else was fast asleep and he had just returned from a hunt. He could hear your heartbeat: soft, steady, calm. He heard your heartbeat when you arrived in the clearing, he’s the one who called the others to investigate with him. He was surprised you were so still when he found you. Your heart was beating hard, fast, endlessly. Terrified. He hadn’t heard a heart beat like that in a while. It was how all his victims' hearts sounded after he gave them to Cazador. He pushed the thought out of his mind, which wasn't hard as it was overtaken by another, more overwhelming thought. Why had he only heard your heartbeat and felt the immediate urge to find you and protect you? He felt something stir inside his chest when he laid eyes on you. That wasn’t allowed. That wasn't his purpose. He didn’t get to feel his own feelings. Everything was consumed by Cazador and the looming threat of him returning to Astarions life. He shuddered. He could smell the faintest scent of your blood that was dried on your hand from earlier. Gods it was sweet, even thinking of it made him salivate. His best option was to avoid you enough and reject you enough that the feeling inside him would cease. It was easy. You were already distressed. How much more could you fall emotionally? And yet, as he watched the gentle rise and fall of your chest he couldn’t help but think of anything else beyond how soft you looked. How peaceful. Your face relaxed, your jaw unclenched, your eyes puffy, fly aways clinging to your face, eyelashes still wet, short breaths being exhaled from your mouth. You were… cute. 

Shit. 

____________________

You awoke just as the sun started to rise. The sky is a beautiful mixture of blues, pinks, and purples. You sat up as if it would get you a better view of the heavens. Astarion walked up behind you quietly. “You’re up early.” he stated. You jumped slightly before facing the sky again. “Early riser.” you said back. Astarion hummed back before walking down the hill of your clearing. You followed him swiftly, not wanting to be completely alone in a camp full of sleepers. Astarion bent down softly into the small stream, gathering the water in his hands and gently rubbing it into his face. You sat silently next to him, gently letting your fingers dip into the rushing stream. 

“What is that?” Astarion asked, glancing at your boot. You looked at him confused. He leaned over and pulled out the object.

There, in all its glory, your phone. You quickly snatched it from Astarion, his voice fading into the background. You turned your phone on, it had no service but it still worked and that was a great comfort. Suddenly it was ripped from your grasp.

Astarion stood up, holding the phone up and away from you. “What is this? Must be important.” He teased with a sneer. “Is it powerful?”

You stood quickly, putting your hand out “Please give it back its mine.”

“Oh I don’t doubt that it is yours. You need to answer my question though before I’ll consider giving it back.”

“I… I don’t know how to explain it… they don’t have these devices in your world…” you trailed off.

Astarion rose an eyebrow at you, “My world? So you’re from another world? Now I know you’re lying.”

“Wait! Maybe… maybe I can show you something with it.” You said in a small voice, reaching your hand out once again. “Something you’ve wanted for a long time…”

He eyed you up and down repeatedly before tossing your phone at you, “This better be worth it.”

You opened your phone's front-facing camera and stood next to Astarion, gently turning the phone in his direction. You saw his face drop then he just… stared. You started to bring the phone back down before his hand caught your wrist. His hold was gentle and cold, “Just a moment.” he whispered.

You nodded and let him hold the phone. He gazed at his eyes for ages before opening his mouth. He licked over his fangs, gently tracing his lips with his fingertips. “What is this thing? Why can I see myself?” He spat at you, suddenly angry. He tossed the phone at your feet before storming off to camp, leaving you alone at the stream.  ____________________

The sun was now high in the sky and you had enough of sulking by the stream. If you were going to be stuck here for a while, better start working on making some friends. You walked back to camp before seeking out Gale.

“Morning! Is there something I can help with, you have an inquisitive look on your face.” he smiled at you. 

You gave a small smile before asking, “I was hoping you could help me… enchant something? It needs power to survive, usually electric power but I don’t think that will work right now… can you try?” 

Gale looked away as if thinking about what he could do; he snapped his fingers, “Ah! Yes, I think I might have something for that, Mystra willing and all. Can I see what you are talking about?” 

You nodded quickly, shoving the phone into Gale’s hands. 

“This little thing?” he glanced back at you. You nodded and gave a pleading look. 

He nodded and sent you a soft smile before speaking strange words over it. Colorful beams of misty light enveloped your device, now floating in between Gale’s hands. He finished his incantation, all the beams shooting into your phone before he caught it as the spell seemingly ended. He smiled brightly and handed it back to you before crossing his arms over his chest. “Well… did it work?” he asked you, unsure how the device worked he was iffy about his magic in this instance.

You turned your phone back on, full battery that seemed unchanging for now. You smiled back at Gale “Yes! Thank you so much…. I appreciate you and your kindness towards me as a stranger.” 

“With pleasure friend, bring it back should it start to falter, I’d be more than happy to fix it.” he said.

You smiled at him one final time before walking towards Karlach who was currently accompanied by Shadowheart and Lae’zel. Slipping your phone back into your boot, you quietly walked up to them. Their conversation died down once they saw you walking over. Lae’zel shot daggers at you, her gaze alone felt violent. Shadowheart and Karlach sent you small smiles. 

“If you are going to travel with us we need to know your strengths. How are you useful to us and our endeavors?” Lae’zel questioned “You’re obviously no warrior, so what are you?” she gritted out. 

“I’m a cleric… I practice under Ilmater… though I haven’t seen a battle before.” You spoke, picking at your nails instead of focusing on the women in front of you.

Lae’zel spat on the ground, “Not only have we taken in another mouth to feed, we have taken in a useless cleric with no combat experience. We may well have taken in a child.” she went back to her tent, wildly slashing at the poor practice dummy as if to further demonstrate her displeasure. 

You winced watching, imagining every blow aimed at you. Shadowheart put her hand on your shoulder. “Perhaps we should go see Gale. He’s a follower of Mystra and I of Shar, I’m sure we can teach you a few things. Do you know much about Ilmater?” she asked, leading you by the back of your arm towards Gale. You shook your head no. “Well, my knowledge is limited, but if I recall correctly he is the protector of the persecuted and oppressed. There are worse gods to be in service to.” she chuckled. You smiled and gave her hand a squeeze as a soft ‘thank you’ for her simple kindness. 

“I overheard, let's get to work shall we?” Gale asked you both before conjuring the weave, creating a safe, fragmented reality to practice in without causing any real damage. 

Hello! This is my first ever public fic so please be gentle lol I'd love some drabble requests in the mean time before I send out chapter 2. I hope you enjoy! :)

[xpao-bearx]

Alrighty, my fellow Astarion fangbangers!! I've got a 🔥SPAHCY🔥 oneshot idea~

This is an idea that's been a parasite in my teeny brain for a while now and at first, I didn't wanna share it cuz I wanted it to be a surprise for when I actually write and post it. But to those who follow me, y'all know I just LOVE to ramble so I couldn't keep it a secret anymore 😂

And sooo here it is: A smutty oneshot of Spawn Astarion x Fem!Reader x Ascended Astarion!

Now you might be thinking... How the HELLS would a threesome with Spawn Astarion and Ascended Astarion ever work??? O_o

Well, lemme ramble some more! 😆

AHEM

Throughout your adventure, Astarion ascended and made his lover (you, dear reader ❤️) into his dark consort. After saving Baldur's Gate, you go to live with Astarion in his palace and start anew with your life of immortality.

At first, everything was going well. Astarion relished in the power he's craved so much and you stood by his side as his most prized treasure. And yet... There was a suffocating emptiness in your heart.

You were happy. Or...you should be. You were going to spend a wonderful eternity with your lover and you only gave Astarion what he's always wanted...right?

But as time passes, Astarion changes more and more. You still loved him, you will never stop loving him, but you couldn't deny that his dominance and possessive nature over you...unsettled you a bit.

Anyhoe, long story short, while you are just wandering around the palace one night and rethinking all your life choices that led you to this very moment, some ✨️magic✨️ happens and Astarion appeared.

Only...this was Astarion from the past. Before he ascended.

This story is still a work in progress so forgive me that this is all a mess, but basically this other Astarion is spawn Astarion! Spawn Astarion comes from another dimension where he never ascended. In that dimension, Baldur's Gate has also been saved but at the cost of spawn Astarion's lover's life--your life.

Astarion couldn't handle the tragic loss of his one true love so he became obsessed in finding something--anything--to be with you again, even at the cost of his soul. I'm still working out the details, but Astarion ended up finding something which made him transport to where you are now!

You are obviously baffled by spawn Astarion and can't quite believe it, but he's just so fucking happy to see you--to be with you--again. And maybe...just maybe...

You wanted to be with him, too.

But of course... There's ascended Astarion.

Beautiful, foolish treasure... Did you really think you could ever forsake your master?

Expect quiiite a bit of angst with this oneshot but, OF COURSE, some real nasty smut too! 😉 I plan to hopefully write and post this story after I finish the game and have experienced both spawn and ascended routes!

Also, I REALLY hope this doesn't cause any discourse! I, personally, prefer spawn Astarion but I also ADORE ascended Astarion (✨️nothing✨️ will stop me from simping for this vamp dork)! I know everyone has their own thoughts and opinions for both and which one is "better", but for me I just live and let live! Let everyone be happy with their own preferences, please 🥰

And I hope no one steals this idea of mine! Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I haven't seen anyone else have an Astarion fic like this so I would assume I would be the first to have this specific idea. If you were inspired by the premise and wanna write something similar, PLEASE credit me for the inspo but also tell me if you post it cuz I would absolutely read the SHIT out of it!! \(^o^)/ But yeah, just please don't copy the WHOLE thing cuz, like I said, I do plan on eventually writing this fic myself!

And hey, if ya wanna be tagged for when I post this fic, please don't hesitate to tell me! 💕

[shivunin]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @greypetrel---thanks, as always! 💗

Tagging in turn (no pressure!) @star--nymph @ndostairlyrium @daggerbean @zenstrike @blightbear @inquisimer @dreadfutures @dungeons-and-dragon-age @nightwardenminthara @vakarians-babe

First, Warden scarf update: Progress is much quicker now that I am working on a more standard stitch. I am really enjoying the silver next to the blue and looking forward to the chainmail-y look it'll have as I add more rows. I am toying with trying to make an embroidered griffon, but that's an ambitious amount of embroidery for my current skill level. Still workshopping it a bit, but hoping to finish for the end of the month. Also, I finally found the right purple for the Leliana scarf, so I can finally finish that one, too!

And also, I have been working on some Baldur's Gate fic (below) as I feel out voice and dynamics:

“Back to camp?” she asked the others. 

Grumbling, they staggered their way back toward the clearing they’d chosen for the night. 

“What was it like?” Shadowheart asked, some time later. “Being a prodigy, I mean.”

Tav glanced sideways just in time to catch Gale’s grimace. The orb troubled him, she knew; he’d called himself prideful before, and perhaps losing so much of his skill had humbled him. Even so, nobody liked to have their nose rubbed in what they’d lost. Very well, then. She would take this blow much as she’d taken the arrow aimed for the wizard’s neck not half an hour earlier. 

“Lonely,” she said, finding the path before her and focusing on it. “You are held apart. Always praised before anyone else. Your peers resent you, even as they wish to imitate you. Mentors teach you your art at the exclusion of all other skills; the holes left by that sort of thing are never found until years later. One day, you realize that you are a master of your craft—this is around when everyone else has already learned how to make friends and fall in love and plan a life outside of your specialty. In this, you are woefully behind. But the acclaim—from far away, everybody loves you. They talk about you in their fine halls and in the city streets. They write poems and songs about what you’ve done.”

She sighed, still trying to find the words. 

“But by then—you never get to be a person again. It’s already too late.”

A bird sang in the tree overhead. Distracted, Tav paused and peered up at it. A simple tree sparrow, she thought. It blended almost perfectly with the branch it perched atop.

“Lovely day, innit,” the bird said, and she smiled slightly. 

“It is. The best I’ve seen in an age.” 

“You take care down there,” the bird said, peering down at them. “Big crowd of arseholes wandering round the woods these days. Burning trees, like.”

“I’ll be careful,” she promised, and the wound on her shoulder ached at the words. “Safe flight. Warm nest.”

“And you as well, mum,” the bird said, and fluttered away into the shadows of the wood. 

Tav hummed to herself, thinking about the smoke they’d seen in the distance. How far away might it be from camp? If someone really was burning the wood, they ought to do something about it before it caused even more harm than the crashed nautiloid. 

“Gods,” Astarion said, abruptly at her elbow, and she started. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say so many words at once. Did that spider knock something loose in that hard—I mean darling head of yours?” 

“Yes,” Shadowheart agreed, peering at her. “Awfully specific, too. What was it you said you did again? Before the tadpole and the crash, I mean.”

“Oh, nothing,” Tav told them, turning again to catch the last sight of the sparrow through the trees. “I’ve lived at the temple for years. I’m no one of any account.”

She started walking again. This seemed the best way to avoid the question—the other two being the ones most likely to spend long hikes grumbling than any of her other new companions. Unfortunately, Astarion kept pace with great ease. This was the trouble with all the armor, she decided unhappily. Once she got going, she could barrel right into an ogre and knock it over, but he had her beat for sheer speed. There would be no escape. 

“Oh, really?” he said. “And yet I somehow get the feeling you aren’t being entirely honest. Come now, darling, you’re among friends. Surely it wouldn’t kill you to share something. We’re all just dying to know more.” 

Something delicate and sharp crawled up her throat. Glass; always shattered glass. Tav choked it back and focused on the trees and the ground beyond. 

“We hail from the same place,” she reminded him, glancing at the pale elf from the corner of her eye. “You said yourself you don’t recognize me.”

Because she had shut herself away in her workshop for years. He almost certainly knew her name—the old one—but he would not know her now. What a blessing that was, from the hands of her Morninglord himself. How little it mattered then that she did not recognize herself when it meant that nobody else would, either. 

“I suppose I did,” he said, but his eyes remained narrow. 

“Say now,” Gale called from behind them, “about those boots you found. I think I’ve deciphered the enchantment on them. Rather clever—and simple to explain, too. You see—”

He launched into a detailed explanation not only of the boots in question, but also the method by which they might have been enchanted in the first place. Tav breathed a small, private sigh of relief and nodded to him in thanks. Gale smiled back, eyes crinkling at the corners. The topic, it would seem, had been dropped. 

For now, at least. 

[umbralsong]

Astarion & Intimacy

Astarion: The man of your dreams, the hope of him, is your own worst enemy.

Am I ready? NO. Do I have to be ready? All the fucking time? In this economy? I'm just going to collapse dramatically, on a personal note. Also, this may be best as a work in progress somewhat.

I want to acknowledge his resonance with [sex workers]. Check out this author's excellent [fan fiction] handling the matter and the nuances.

His arc is understandably very personal to survivors of sexual abuse, so please take care as you go along and know you aren't alone. These observations are meant to be a character analysis and my personal interpretations.

Oh, Megan Thee Stallion, we're really in it now. I mean, we were before, but now also more.

The United States is experiencing an exponential rise in racism and hate crimes thanks to our [gutless, greedy leaders]. Racism is a system of oppression and an ideology of dehumanization, not a quirky character flaw. [Fandom has forever been a place used by extremists to recruit]. I've addressed issues surrounding the element of racism in Astarion's writing [here]. I would also like to highlight issues surrounding the portrayal of sexual slavery highlighted [here] by the excellent Stitch Media Mix.

Donate to Gaza here: https://gazafunds.org/ Support good causes with a click here: https://arab.org/ Ceasefire Now: https://ceasefire-now.com/ Donate to the [Sidewalk School] [Pay your rent], settlers. [Crips for E-Sims for Gaza].

Astarion has a fraught relationship with intimacy.

We meet him at the start of his new un-life. He continues to operate as though under Cazador's control. He hints at the things he had to do and only discusses it frankly in Act III. He was a sex slave to the vampire who sired him with no autonomy. Whatever affection or attraction he felt, he always had to deliver them to what he assumed was death on command:

Astarion: Ah, the bedrooms. Never once slept in. This is where I took our 'guests'. I'd entertain them here, until Cazador appeared and... took them away.

Vellioth and Cazador have rules. Here they are respectively:

Vellioth's first lesson is always to dominate. Allow none to be your equal. Vellioth's second lesson is that power comes from solitude. To share with others is to be weak, and to be weak is to fail... and die. Vellioth's third lesson is to act not in haste. A near immortal has time to plan, time to act only when others will pay the price of action.

How they were adapted in relation to Astarion:

First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures. Second, thou shalt obey me in all things. Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed. Four, thou shalt know that thou art mine.

*sigh* So, understandably, his view of relationships is like:

Astarion: You never asked me to take my shirt off. I always thought they were a sign of my humiliation. I never realised there might be more to them. But Raphael told us he can make the impossible come true. I have to try my luck. Player: We really shouldn't trust him. Astarion: I don't trust him. He doesn't trust me. We are using one another for our mutual benefit. You should try it some time.

(idk if this is cut or not, but I found it interesting.)

Give his, um, "approach," there is an understandable question of how much of his romance is sincere. Mechanically and as far as the story is concerned, it begins with enough influence/on the first night he spends with the PC and he says things to indicate as much later. I do still understand why this would leave a sour taste in other player's mouths and come off as unnecessarily manipulative, considering it's not a conversation you can hash out with Astarion.

This is as close to confronting him about his intentions in Act I. I believe this happens if you slept with him once and never spoke to him again until Act II (RIP players with ADHD):

Astarion: Seeking to correct your mistake? Player: I'm not sure. I feel there's something you haven't told me. Astarion: Perhaps you got the wrong idea. I never slept with you for pleasure alone. Couldn't you tell? Back in the forest, we both came out on the winning side. The game was clear. You get a moment of escape with a world-endingly beautiful vampire. I get someone to defend me from Cazador. Now, though, I'm hardly going to give you a treat when you haven't helped me in exchange for my excellent services. Player: You were just tricking me into thinking you wanted me in earnest? Astarion: This is what I do. Who did you think you were dealing with? Some fairy tale prince? You are one of a tiny number of people I've slept with who aren't dead. Cheer up, it's quite the achievement! There isn't going to be any more 'us', though. I just don't see the point.

("Treat." Interesting. He has many allegories to consumption, gluttony, greed, and the ouroboros. He also has a tendency to behave and speak like Cazador in his idea of fairness. We may glean a lot about Cazador from Astarion's initial interactions.)

To acknowledge the depth of the wrongs he unwillingly committed with his own hands and the hurt he felt would be psychologically overwhelming compared to pretending to be someone like the perpetrator he was forced to emulate (and who notably pretends not to hurt). It is not always healthy to tear through someone's defensive adaptations, even though people still have to make amends.

His trauma with intimacy is not only with others, but with himself. Personally, I interpret his Act I scene as his first consensual attempt at intimacy, both in sex and in his trauma, in body and soul, embodied by his scars.

Initiating the Romance

He's a vampire, so we're playing into the seduction trope to begin the romance. My demipansexual ass believes there is room for an ace route since *gestures at Karlach and the topic of this essay,* but I digress.

The game takes two interesting tones, depending on whether you have high approval when he propositions the PC or propositions at the Tiefling/Raid party. I'd argue the former is slightly more affectionate than the other, but they're both good for different reasons and for different Tavs.

Should he initiate a relationship with the PC, he sets expectations early on. He's afraid of returning to Cazador's control even with a lot of influence, so he keeps the PC at arm's length and sticks to his One Night Stand routine. He's hilariously taken aback at the party by being asked to say "please." Devnotes for the party:

After the party, Astarion is standing in a corner, bottle of wine in hand, in a bad mood. Everything's too merry for him, not hedonistic enough. But there's the possibility of a little hedonism with the player, if you both agree to meet up for a little 'fun' later in the night. That's a tantilising thought - there might be something to look forward to after all.

High approval (and acting, uh, much more agreeable than my Tav to demonstrate Astarion's double-edged language):

Astarion: Darling, I was just thinking about you. Remembering our time together, the things we've shared - and I don't just mean that lovely neck of yours. I'm growing to like the whole package, honestly. And you clearly like me too, so... Player: What gave it away? Astarion: I could feel it as I was getting lost in your neck. Your little shakes of excitement. You enjoyed it, didn't you? Player: Yes, I did. Astarion: So did I. More than words can say. You deserve a reward. I am so very pleased with what you gave me. We could take an evening to ourselves. Get away from camp - get some privacy. I know somewhere quiet. Somewhere intimate. Somewhere we can... indulge in each other. Player: That sounds pretty good to me. Astarion: Wonderful. I just hope we don't have to wait too long before we can steal away. But once we can, I promise you a night you'll never forget. See you there, lover

The devnotes say "wonderful" is said with a big smile.

He'll be disappointed if you choose to spend the night with someone else in both situations, though he plays it off with his classic icy facade - the defense mechanism against emotional intimacy he developed under Cazador.

This is hard to articulate because it is entirely based on emotional logic, but I'll try my best. A gentle reminder that Astarion can reject the PC, so the fact this is one of the first acts of intimacy he chooses to engage in is important. This is the beginning of his romance, however you headcanon the event for the couple. It is partly what is a real romance scene, even if he can't fully commit himself for psychological reasons.

He still chooses to do so because intimacy is fun for him. Let's acknowledge, sympathize with, and not excuse the limited scope of interaction he had for two centuries, so traumatizing he doesn't remember much of his previous life. While he once engaged in intimacy under enthrallment, now he does it out of attraction, curiosity, and guile.

The second night with the player has this is in the dialogue notes:

Second time Astarion propositions the player to sleep with him [...] The player starts to realise Astarion might have been just playing an act to seduce them the whole time, and that his affection for them might not be genuine. Bridges the gap before he confesses this in his act 2 romance, and says he wants to stop manipulating people and have a real relationship.

The only real "indicator" for me was just that he didn't seem... affectionate. For all of his reactivity and greetings, he is surprisingly bereft of scenes that confirm or put to question his feelings. I do appreciate much of the subtlety, mind you - but he's notably rejecting of intimacy throughout the game and I did interpret it as a one night stand. A few transition scenes would have done us much good, though there are definitely ways to play it with satisfying sweetness.

When you agree meet up with him with high approval the second time:

Astarion: I hoped you would come. I have missed you. And now you're all mine, and I'm all yours. Until morning at least. Let's see where the night takes us.

The devnote says: "with a smile - he's not about to commit to anything long-term"

When you reject him:

Player: I think it's better if we leave last time as a once-off. Astarion: Well, well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart. In all honesty, it is a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back ten thousand times or more, and forgotten half of them. But you... you I'll remember. Have a fine evening, dear.

The first time I heard it, I was taken aback that he found it in himself to be sincere.

Oh, and that it wasn't actually a one-night stand.

In hindsight, the fact this is one of the few times early in the story he offers any honesty at all tells me he's being genuine. Spending the night with his lover was special to him, and we understand why with context.

Something Real

Astarion: I was trying, with you, you know. In the only way I can try.

Well, this dialogue option may make it seem like he does try, but I will point out that he isn't particularly overt about his affection (I want to emphasize that I understand this characterization to a point - but remember that the PC does not know him and that this affection is supposed to be genuine. You can convey that without being cheesy).

The times this is clearly played out are during break-ups:

Player: Whatever is between us, we need to end it. Astarion: I - I can hardly blame you. I don't exactly have much to offer right now, beyond new burdens to carry. Player: This just isn't what I wanted, when we first slept together. Astarion: I was beginning to believe someone truly wanted me. But I shouldn't have deluded myself. From the start, I was rather counting the hours until it was going to end. Midnight chimes, eh?

How adorable would it be if he truly played up this Cinderella reference in romance? Instead, there is a lot of bitterness and mixed-messaging in his romance. It makes for a weaker story.

I do also take his dialogue literally. He thinks you will only want his beautiful, eternal, and dead form, and not the mutable person beneath. There are other indications, even outside of a romantic partnership:

Player: Unlike you to be so unwilling to receive a new power... Astarion: That was before I knew the cost. Before I knew it meant transforming into some grotesque beast. I remember how it hurt when I turned to a vampire. My body writhed and warped while I was utterly helpless, the grip of death owned my heart as it beat its last. I - I don't want to turn into anything else. I can't do that again. I can't watch my body be taken over. Player: You're afraid? Astarion: I'll happily murder my way to whatever powerful artefacts we can make use of. Point at the back and I'll stab. Just don't ask me to sacrifice my body. It hasn't been mine for so long.

The few dialogues that clarify Tav's complete domination over him, the one Cazador acknowledges.

Once more:

Player: Your illithid powers are the only reason you can stand up to Cazador. This will help you defeat him. Astarion: I'm really not sure... Player: Tell me of the weakest moment you ever felt in those two hundred years. Narrator: *As you pick apart his mind, you discover his worst memory. That which brings him the purest terror. Complete solitude after being disobedient. Sealed. Buried alive. Voiceless. Will this be forever? A year of horror. Then the release. He will never disobey again.* Player: You never want to risk that again. Even if it means becoming part-illithid. Astarion: Damn it. Damn you. All right... I'll do it.

The player may command him to change his very being.

I think we must view this in the context of one of his few real attractions: Sebastian.

Narrator: *Approaching the cells, you're met by hollow faces and eyes reluctant to meet your gaze. There's an almost physical stink of decay and neglect.* Sebastian: You. I know you. Narrator: *The last time you heard this voice, it was singing drunkenly, whispering sweetly, then sighing with pleasure. One of your conquests, claimed for Cazador. He should have been consumed long ago.* Astarion: I remember you. Sebastian: I can never forget you. Astarion: How are you still alive? Sebastian: It's your fault. You stole my life - stole my death. You smiled and joked and got me drunk. You called me so many sweet things. My name sounded like a lyric on your tongue. I want to hear you say it again. Say my name. Astarion: *Among the scars on his face is one you recognise - it's identical to one of the runes carved into your back.* That scar on your face - it must bind you to Cazador's Black Mass. Sebastian: No more games. Say my name! Narrator: *He looks at you expectantly, his hollow eyes boring into yours.* Astarion: Sebastian. Sebastian: You still make it sound so beautiful. You were my first. And my last. [...] Astarion: You should be dead. Why didn't Cazador feed on you? Sebastian: He made me a spawn. Left me here to rot. But I can't rot - I can't die. Astarion: I'm so sorry. Sebastian: You brought me to this hell. Abandoned me. How long has it been? Astarion: One hundred and seventy years. You were one of my first too. Sebastian: My family - my friends - they're gone... You took them from me. You took everything from me!

Against the threat of complete annihilation of his lovers, he still wanted connection. Pursuing his romantic and sexual interests were empowering to him. His autonomy is a weapon that can be wielded against him to great effect.

In his ascension:

Astarion: *Sigh.* There's no use in us fighting any longer, is there? You are a person of rare talent. You aided greatly in my conquest, even if you did not end up a part of it. And if we were beholden to one another? Well, how is that too different to being enslaved? It is for the best. Player: You were terrible for me. And I did terrible things for you. Astarion: The gravest crimes committed in this world are committed for love. A hunger crueller than bloodlust. I know how to play with it, and can't resist playing the hand I know. I would have ruined your love, used your trust until you were nothing.

The PC was not "part" of his conquest. Being in love with them was equal to the torment of enslavement to him. His worst impulses say: Let none be your equal.

Love: A hunger crueler than blood lust.

The man of your dreams: Your worst enemy.

He embodies them all in ascension, or becomes himself.

After completing his quest and breaking up in Act III:

Astarion: Well... Goodbye, then. I suppose. You brought my dead heart back to life. It will keep beating.

This is when he comes to a healthier place and keeps romance as a part of his life, and not its driving force. Good for him.