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loveabledirtbag · 1 year ago

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1.06 - ceres

the one second lead in: the music, the handwashing, the VOICE, and then it’s him! jon bernthal!!! jon bernthal is mikey

and the moment you realize he’s mikey, it makes you hit your head. because you saw the back of his head for a second and who else could it be? you heard him speak to carmy in carmy’s head and who else sounds like that? every rewatch you will see him and hear him before this episode and think to yourself: “how the FUCK did i not know it was him the moment we got that glimpse of him?”

i love that mikey is wearing a beef shirt, just like richie does in the present day

i love the charisma of this story. that mikey can talk about being drunk and high at 6:45am with richie and we the audience are just like “hell yeah, what a night!” and how in the flash forward and in future episodes we see the immediate narration from the creative team behind the scenes telling us: no, no, no. this is BAD

this is the most chicago story of all time. ceres bar, savvy, bill murrey, blackhawks. just pure chicago

i love that the quick mention that richie went behind the bar to grab a informational pamphlet about ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and about ceres the bar, and how it will come back to play in the episode when richie talks to syd

fun fact: in the restaurant where present day richie is on a date; the kitchen of that (real chicagoan) restaurant is where they filmed carmy’s new york kitchen flashback in episode two. it’s funny that the kitchen was played off as new york, but the dining room was set in chicago where it actually is

the quick snap to the present to listen to richie/no-charisma richie/lost-without-his-best-friend-richie is so good. because mikey is so engaging that we totally forgive and forget the element of the story where he was drunk and high at 6:45 in the morning at a bar. but when richie tells the story it’s deeply sad and we realize it’s sad. and it makes me wonder how much of mikey’s problems weren’t dealt with because he was charismatic? how many people thought he was totally fine until he died, and then looked at the people around him and saw how sad they were and realized how sad mikey must have been?

i saw a really funny post online where someone was saying they thought richie must have been skimming off the top of the bear because he was wearing a $6,000 suit that was perfectly tailored to him. which is hilarious to me, because this is a tv show. carmy is wearing a $60-$120 t-shirt. A T-SHIRT! we’re being told that both of these guys are broke-ish, operating a broke sandwich shop. they’re not stealing from the shop, they’re characters on a tv show. i love the idea of richie skimming from the top, but as we see more and more as the show goes on, richie is committed and wouldn’t do that

that song that plays as we come into the beef. i’m blanking on the name, but it also played in ferris bueller’s day off, which is also set in chicago. i’m just assuming it’s a “chicago song”? i like it though

richie twisting his poor date as HER fault as he recounts it to tina. so real. i’ve talked to a lot of richie’s who go on a lotta dates and when they tell me about it afterwards it’s always THEIR DATES fault, and never their own. “no sense of humor, no sense of chicago history”. not, “we’re in our 40’s and i’m trying to entertain and impress her with a bill murrey story about being high and drunk at a bar at 6:45am”

“OK LISTEN UP! okay, i just yelled like that?” “yeah, make it worth it” THATS HOW YOU RUN A FUCKING KITCHEN! like, i know carmy gets so much shit for how he runs the kitchen, and i’m not trying to excuse his NUMEROUS faults. like with his mental health, how he expresses his feelings in a professional setting, and his obvious shortcomings with managing a shop. BUT a dishwasher felt empowered to make an announcement to the whole shop about taking tape off of bins they toss in the sink, and i love it. it’s the little details that show that carmy IS actually a good, caring, empowering boss who probably deserves to be the boss. he just also has his struggles, which is why he needs sydney. which is kinda the point of the show? or at least one of the points

ok. i know that i complain about syd a lot; WHICH I DONT WANT TO, because syd is the best. BUT i think it’s overlooked that the show does try to balance syd and carmy. neither are perfect. and it shows here where syd is diving into a conversation about her new dish, and carmy REPEATEDLY tells her “now is not a good time, can we do this later”, but she barrels on ahead. now, can we assume that she’s probably tried to talk with him more than just this once? sure. but how do you expect to get carmy’s OK if he’s saying “not right now” and you insist “now”? i really like how this show gives both carmy and sydney faults. i like that syd is as excited and peppy as carmy is hesitant and a bit cynical. it’s very: elder service industry vs. new service industry. when i started out i was very syd, and by the time i left i was very carmy

another mention of the story arch for risotto, and the to-go! now they’re lumped together. risotto to go (which is fun to say) AND also, is kinda weird and hard to do. risotto is a sticky mess and if it’s anything less than perfect is barely worth eating and to-go’s thrive on food that is worth eating when it’s less than perfect. because it’s been sitting in a box for 10min - 1 hour. 15 minutes in and risotto is crap

the fact that carmy says: “i’m thinking about it. have you thought about the work flow? have you talked to manny and angel (about dishes)?” and when syd says “yes” he says “okay. now you know where i’m coming from. we have just gotten this place to a kinda functioning, chill place. i’d like to keep it that way for just a bit.” shows a good amount of managerial insight. like, i love syd for wanting to jump into these ideas and work towards creating the restaurant she dreams of with carmy. but the hardened realism from carmy of “this is a journey, and there are a lot of working parts, and a lot of those working parts are human beings who we need to make sure are onboard with coming in this journey with us. so we can’t just forge ahead and have them dragging their feet behind us”

of course, that good moment of managing then follows right into carmy not knowing how to work with the irs with the beefs taxes. which is so fitting. carmy is good with food, and (in my opinion) respecting people who aren’t pretentious. he’s not good at business. but nat is (…foreshadowing!!!!!)

carmy and cat saying “you’re yikes” to richie is so on point. and richie hopping into their sibling chat, like he thinks he belongs (because he does think he belongs in family talks) is also on point.

“i know exactly where it is” SMASH CUT to nat and carm in the office NOT FINDING IT. this is comedy gold. rough, gritty, painful, amazing, comedy gold

it’s interesting that in a scene where we focus on the end of it, the beginning of it we see richie burst out the door and sigh looking like he’s absolutely exhausted and the ONLY thing that can save him is a cigarette. thats when he looks over and sees the bar closed. but why would he be exhausted? we know the place hasn’t opened yet. we also know he doesn’t do anything except man the register (and “manage”, whatever he thinks that means for himself). so his job hasn’t really started yet, but he’s exhausted already??? we know he suffers from dread (from episode four) and takes xanax. i wonder if he was having a panic attack come on and a quick smoke was going to help soothe the nerves. not that i know from experience or anything….

if you think marcus sleeping on the floor of the kitchen isn’t something that has happened at your favorite restaurant…HAHA, so sorry to disappoint you. for a million reasons it happens. sometimes there are people so obsessed with getting something that they stay late and don’t want to go home just to come back, sometimes they are homeless (either short or long term) and it’s all they got. but it has probably happened at your favorite restaurant. sorry if that bothers you

i like the back and forth between syd and richie here. syd is reaching out in a generally nice and friendly manner, and richie responds mostly in kind. but richie’s somewhat hypocritical response of being sad the bar is closing, because it is another spot that he see’s as “his” that is closing. even if he was pseudo-banned from the bar. it wasn’t the bar he went to, but it was in HIS neighborhood. that makes it HIS community. like family. you don’t have to see eye to eye, to appreciate them in your life and be sad when something bad happens to them

but it’s also nice to hear syd’s side of things: these older (maybe dingier) places are shutting down and being replaced by “nicer” spots, because in her mind the people of the neighborhood deserve nice drinks and food

i love the sorta surface level debate about gentrification this show brings up. because richie likes what the river north neighborhood had to offer: the beef. the bar next door. these familiar places for working class, everyday people. sydney likes that nicer/trendier places are coming in because that’s gotta be “good for the community” as everyone says when something like that goes into a “rougher” neighborhood. i remember like 15 years ago gentrification was a GOOD THING in so many (white, conservative and neo-liberal) circles. a “good restaurant” was going to bring jobs, class, and clientele from outside the neighborhood to come into the neighborhood and spend their money, and then there will be more money for this neighborhood. of course, most of the people in those neighborhoods learned that as time went on, more “nice” places moved in, and they brought in more “nice” people from outside neighborhoods, and suddenly real estate prices went up, and suddenly rent went up, and suddenly those “nice” people from out of the neighborhood started moving in, and suddenly the businesses and the people who had been in that neighborhood for generations were getting squeezed out. i know richie is concerned about gentrification (even if that word is never used) out of his own selfish purposes, and his own fears of himself being squeezed out as the beef gets better. but i don’t think he’s fully wrong in what he’s saying. the owner of that bar lost his business, people who worked there lost their jobs. a sweet green is going in across the street. the river north he was raised in is disappearing, and without the love and anchoring of his best friend, he might disappear too.

in this talk between richie and sydney, we see richie pull out his knowledge of cerses again! he clearly read that pamphlet deeply. and also he must have identified with cerses a lot if he has retained all this info. but again, richie isn’t dumb, he loves phillip k. dick. he reads. he might be bad at stories, and explaining his analogies properly, but he’s not dumb. i love the poorly spoken idea of richie talking about the ceres statue not having a face, because when it was built it was the tallest building in chicago, no one could see it, so why would it need a face if no one could see its face? but then as time went on buildings rose up higher than the statue and now everyone could see it has no face. we know richie feels connected to ceres (his voicemail is bill murrey saying that they’ve reached “the goddess of agriculture”). he’s the statue with no face. he used to feel like he was on top of chicago, but now everyone is rising up past him, the beef is getting updated with a classically trained menu, and they can see that he has no face. which actually says more about him, than the others around him. he says they’re ruining things by making “bigger buildings”/changing the beef/improving the beef. but he’s actually scared that they’re going to improve to a place where everyone can see that he actually “has no face”/he’s not as good or important as he says he is. they’re going to grow up around him, and not need him anymore. he sees it as ruining a perfectly good statue, but really he’s reacting out of fear

i love that his talk about gentrification and the neighborhood changing too much is then interrupted by a bullet going through the window. the neighborhood isn’t changing too much

plus, his first move is to talk to the mobsters that hang out next door about if they knew anything…the neighborhood still has some ways to go

i also love that these gangsters are also soprano stereotypes, but it’s also spot on for a lot of italian mobsters in chicago

we see a little inking of who richie is, and his real role at the beef and his skill set with his talk with crooked john. he talks to him without fear, with an obvious previous relationship, and they share a conversation with respect. richie knows they exist and in his eyes they’re a part of his community, his little family, and as such they also deserve his respect. and after their talk, richie asks him if he could find anything out about who shot the window, and crooked john immediately gets guys to go and check it out. this is richie being the tallest point in chicago; this world is being squeezed out, but for a long time this was him being top dog of his world. but now the sweet greens are moving in, the buildings are growing in taller than him

also, i LOVE that crooked john says “alright, don’t go calling the police.” and richie says “what do you take me for? this is me we’re talking about.” ACAB, we love it. no police! (okay, it’s not strictly ACAB, but it IS a wide belief of working class people that cops aren’t going to do shit for you if you’re not rich enough. you gotta look out for yourself, and your community). this is what neighborhood watches were made to be, until white upper-middle class suburbanites made them into gossipy-call-the-cops-on-people-of-color-just-out-walking-their-dogs-at-night kind of things. so many studies show that neighbor and community solidarity actually does a better job at keeping the community safe and people cared for than any amount of money invested into police presence. just sayin’

sugar, in this moment, is SUCH a upper middle class individual. we’ve seen her nice house. we know she’s not living in the area anymore. she had an urban flight. she’s so upset that she owns a spot where bullets can fly through the window. and, yes, in this moment we’re supposed to focus on the fact that carmy is pushing for everyone to keep working so that they can open on time and not lose business. it’s more about carmy’s denial of feelings and always working and pushing so he doesn’t have to deal with his own issues. BUT notice how everyone is working together without qualm. for them, this is a part of life. and yes, not a good part. but if they don’t open, the shop probably closes and they lose their jobs. when nat asks to call the cops, in unison they all say “no cops” (ACAB ACAB) why? because cops aren’t going to help, and they know. some of them might be illegal immigrants. and again, if you think illegal immigrants aren’t in your favorite restaurant, or even cooking you your favorite meal…sorry for the rude awakening. everyone in the restaurant is dealing with the issue themselves, as they always have, because they live in a place where cops don’t come to help, but only cause more problems. nat, who lives in a more residential area, most likely a suburb outside chicago (from the looks of her house), and her whiteness and blonde hair, means she’s probably more used to the cops helping her. this show is about class and race, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong

a rare moment of harmony between carmy and richie. “paperwork’s not really my jam” “me neither”. they didn’t teach paperwork at noma, nor at devry. we have this sweet moment that shows richie and carmy’s long history together, and the fact that they’re cut from the same cloth. they even share a cigarette

“is there a name for that feeling where you’re scared of something good happening because you think something bad is going to happen?” “i don’t know. life?”

richie being in his ex-wife’s phone as “richie bad news” is so harsh. i have never been divorced, but i can’t imagine trying to poison my kids image of their parent to the point where they think their dads last name is bad news. but we’re just seeing so much of richie’s life

“oh shit! it’s the man with the golden dick! how are ya tom?” is……just a wild line to say to a customer when they come into your shop. i have so many questions. why does this man have a golden dick? why are you commenting on it? what transpired between the two of you (a guy behind a register, and his customer) that you have “golden dick” as context, and you feel comfortable bringing up said golden dick? ALSO, i’d love to know if this was pre-written by the writers, or if ebon ad libbed it himself. it feels like ad lib but, if it is written, i want to meet the person who wrote it. or, even more, IF THEY PITCHED the line in a writers room. like if someone sat at a table with the rest of the writers and someone was like “what should richie say to this customer?” “what about…’oh shit, it’s the man with the golden dick’?”

BUT i LOVE that this scene shows that richie IS GOOD at his job. i feel like it’s skipped over a lot this season. but richie is personable. he’s good with people. he talks with people friendly, personably, and it’s obvious why he’s front of house

ok. syd’s dish she wants to add to the menu does look AMAZING

but see, syd asks carmy if now is a good time to try her dish, he says yes, and he thanks her for asking. like…before syd was rushing things and pushing. carmy owns a business, he’s looking for tax shit, he’s got a million other business things he’s working on to make sure the place doesn’t close, and he’s working the beginning of the dinner rush and overseeing the line, which means he’s keeping track of every dish and what everyone is doing to make sure it all is up to quality. so, he’s busy. telling syd he can’t do something right then isn’t a dick move, he’s BUSY. but now he can talk with her, and try her dish

WHAT I WILL SAY THOUGH, and i’ll say it now and bring it back up when it comes up in future episodes is that he doesn’t tell her what’s wrong with her dish BECAUSE HE DOESNT KNOW. and he has to be the best chef, and not knowing drives him crazy and he doesn’t want to admit he’s stumped. he tells her it’s tremendous but it’s missing something, but he won’t tell her what it’s missing because he doesn’t know himself. this is a dick move. some might say he’s trying to teach her, but he has no problem pointing out other flaws in the dish that she says she’ll fix. he also has no problem correcting others to help dishes be better. but for this dish, he can’t tell her what’s wrong. not because he’s “wax on/wax off” teaching her, but because he really doesn’t know. i’ll talk about how i know that carmy doesn’t know what’s missing from the dish as the clues pop up (but that will be in a different episode). but this is a dick move on carmy’s part. a real golden dick move.

i’ve seen people say they’re so confused why syd would’ve given her dish to a customer. but i’ve seen that all the time. it’s not enough for a family meal. plus it’s not time for a family meal. it’s during dinner rush. so she can either toss it, or give it away. and giving it away makes that customers day. i’ve both given stuff away, and received stuff. and it did make my day. the fact that he happens to be an “immensely important customer” (that we’ll learn about next episode) is just a bit of tv happenstance

i just realized with this watch through that nat says it pisses her off that carmy never asks her how she’s doing. and that made me think about the flashback episode in season two. we’ll talk more when we get there, but it’s interesting that nat always asks her mom if she’s okay. and she’s mad at carm for not asking her.

i love the duality of where nat and carmy place their blame. nat blames the restaurant for their mom, for mikey, and now for carmy. and she’s scared the restaurant is going to do the same thing to carmy that it did to mikey. carmy blames their mom and mikey for their own faults and sees the restaurant as a neutral place that happened to take the brunt of their faults. it’s also telling that carmy’s happiest memories with mikey are when they’re cooking, and he found cooking to be an escape from his traumatic and toxic family. but nat seems to not find cooking an escape and does it occasionally and for family care, and nothing else

i love the slow opening up of carmy. he admits he feels trapped and that he doesn’t want to ask how others are feeling because he doesn’t know how he feels. it’s just that little bit closer on carmy’s journey to personal mental and emotional health

i also think it’s symbolic that as the restaurant is failing, and carmy and nat are fighting over the restaurant but also fighting over their relationship and what the restaurant represents for their family, their own wellbeing, and how carmy’s attempts to save the restaurant are slowly killing him and leading him down a path that nat fears will repeat mikey’s mistakes, it’s only after carmy and nat have a heart to heart and share their feelings that carmy (as the one who finally opened up) found the tax documents that they needed to give to the irs to save the shop. because it’s only through mental and emotional health that the shop is going to be saved. like nat was saying: less chaos, solid footing

the repeat of the lowboy checks, and it’s nice to see them look perfectly adequate. i mean….we’re dealing with lowboys, it’s not like i’m going to be blown away by good food storage

i’m not sure if i’ve mentioned this in these live bloggings before. but i’ve been to chicago a few times, and i’ve seen a few fights break out on more than one trip. so, the fact that two gangs begin to fight outside of an italian beef sandwich shop…….that tracks for me? i’m not saying it’s a specifically chicago thing, i’ve seen other fights break out in other places (i once went to a bar twice, and each time a fight broke out) but like…this doesn’t feel like tv happenstance to me. it kinda feels like a chicago scene to see two rival old school gangs fight

“WHERES MY GUN, ANY OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS TAKE MY GUN???” ohhhhhhh richie

the fact that syd, a tiny tiny human being shoves herself between to tall and large men, who are clearly mob connected, is WILD. she’s a better person than i am. but whatta great save: pop and sandwiches for everyone if they just calm down. but keep it on the DL. i love sweeps asking these people to betray their gangs rivalries for food and they’re like “eh. ok.”

i also love the slow undercurrent of sweeps’ backstory. sweeps tells marcus that when he used to play for the cubs he had to sleep in a few creative places. crooked john asks him about the changes and sweeps says “this is what happens when you sweep the padres but fail the drug test”. i love it

it’s wild to me that not being able to get into a fight between the two arguing gangs is what sets richie off. we know he’s having a bad day. he’s missing his best friend especially bad, he’s reminded that his daughter thinks his last name is bad news because his ex-wife has his name in her phone as richie bad news because she says he always calls with bad news. he feels like the ceres statue being passed up by every new building being built. but like…..the fact that he couldn’t be the mediator between two warring factions of mobsters is wild. it’s wild.

i love that the scene of richie flying off the handle; of lashing out by telling a loud raucous story that disrupts everyone’s routine, their system, (the new system), is kicked off by ebra dunking his hands into ice water to handle a bunch of hot meat on a grill. that method is OLD SCHOOL, maybe old school like richie is old school. the kind of old school that thinks yelling and laughing and slapping people on the back is okay during a dinner rush

it’s also so good that this is how richie lashes out. he has the cigarettes in his hand, even though just a few weeks ago he took the blame for leaving cigarettes out during a health inspection. he’s interrupting the workflow, even though we’ve repeatedly seen carmy yell at him about getting back to work and letting everyone get into their zone. he’s lashing out like this intentionally. and his outburst at sydney makes sense because she’s the biggest threat to him. carmy is family, his “cousin”, in his community. even as carmy is threatening to build taller towers that surpass richie, it’s more okay because carmy is in the family. but sydney isn’t. richie doesn’t know sydney, or care about her past. they didn’t grow up together. she’s an outsider, and so when she yells at him to get back to work, it allows him to freak out at her. she symbolizes everything he’s scared of, and she’s the one who solved the gangsters, the last bit of usefulness he thought he had

and it’s also so good and powerful that it’s tina that talks to him. tina is the one who was with richie the most. she was the most resistant to the new system. she laughed when things failed, she was making things harder for syd. but now she’s better. she’s figured it out. this new system is better. she’s more efficient, she’s cooking better food. she works at a place she believes in, and she believes in herself for the first time in a long time, if not for the first time ever

so tina telling richie he needs to go home, and cool off, and if he quits where else is he gonna go is simply so powerful and good. because that’s kind of the point, and richie doesn’t realize it. most people in that shop have nowhere else to go. maybe they’d find another job, but maybe they wouldn’t. they were just people working in a struggling sandwich shop and carmy (and sydney) have allowed them to believe in something more, because sydney and carmy believe in them. and richie either needs to realize that, yes, he’s ceres statue and everybody else is a taller tower, but he’s being offered a ride to the top of one of those towers if he’d just let go of his pride that he used to be the tallest one around. “where are you gonna go?” is so cutting. he’s got this misplaced pride and tina is saying he’s got to let it go. because if he can, someone is willing to help pick him up and take him to bigger and better things

and the fact that it’s so wrapped up in the past. tina brings up mikey “seemingly” out of the blue, but it’s because richie talks about the place being cool before. he calls syd and carm kids. because richie is a middle aged man who realized that he pissed his life away attaching himself to “the wrong person”. which also probably has guilt attached to it. he followed mikey to the gates of hell and then mikey left him there. richie is divorced, friendless, working a register at a sandwich shop, with a strained relationship with his daughter who is the only person he seems to really care about, and now these young people are coming in and changing everything and he’s scared that he’s going to get pushed out. it’s a midlife crisis to end all midlife crises. his best years are behind him (in his eyes) and he never thought about the future and now the futures here and he’s unprepared and it’s partially mikey’s fault but you can’t be mad at the dead, right? there’s so much guilt, and pain, and trauma, and everything in this convo between tina and richie, because tina gets it. but tina jumped over to another building and rode it to taller heights, and so she’s trying to get richie to do the same

AND THEN AND THEN: right after richie leaves it’s so smooth in the kitchen. and that’s the point. people are moving in and out, swapping to different stations, starting prep the moment someone finishes theirs without even waiting to look to see if they’re finished because they know they’re done. it’s a well-oiled machine, and richie not being there is truly for the better. there’s even a poppy little tune, people are smiling, it almost crosses the line into weird fantastical daydream territory, but it doesn’t

carmy asks if he wants to know what happened out there and sydney says no, just that she gave some people some leftovers. i just realized this now: is she talking about the gangsters or her dish? obviously, she’s talking about the gangsters, that’s the most immediate thing that just happened, but she also gave away her dish and that’s been the conflict between her and carly all day. is it a duel meaning? am i just high as i watch this episode? idk, you tell me

but also, carmy then apologizes to syd if he was shitty to her and she acts as if it’s no big deal. like, he’s trying. like he says in season two, he’s not trying to be shitty. idk, i just feel like people always talk about carry being angry and mad, but he really is shown trying

the poppy song and scene being cut to richie outside having called the cops (ACAB RICHIE, ACAB) on the gangsters is so good (i know i say good a lot). because specifically was insulted when crooked john said “don’t call the cops” and crooked john smiled and nodded, like “yeah, yeah. it is you. you’d never do that.” but this is like a real low point for him. he’s been talking about the delicate ecosystem, showing respect for the people in his community even if he disagrees with them (like carmy, like the bar owner, like these gangsters) and now he’s betraying his own morals, the morals of the staff at the beef, and fucking with the ecosystem he said he cared about and worried about how delicate it was. it’s showing that instead of just getting on the elevator to a taller building, he’s fighting a losing fight to hold onto his pride. syd took his pride when she handled the dangerous, scary gangsters, so he made the gangsters go away

but what’s also so good about this closing scene is that it still goes against what carmy is all about and the work he’s doing at the beef. carmy is fighting to not have the people of the beef be squeezed out with the changing of the neighborhood. he’s trying to teach people with no formal training — cooks — classically trained recipes and elevated methods to make them into chefs. but carly doesn’t want to change who they are. like he said in the third episode, he doesn’t want to change their dynamic but harness their potential. he even joins in the choir saying “no cops” when nat suggests it. carmy would never call the cops on the gangsters. case in point, he DIDN’T call the cops on the gangsters. no one did. there was this universal understanding; almost a respecting of the delicate ecosystem. and richie is the one who threatens to fuck it up by betraying everything he believes in just to hold onto his pride, and to push against carmy’s system. it’s almost like he knows mikey’s system is truly, completely dead in this moment. carmy’s system has won. and as the last holdout to join carmy’s system, and with mikey’s system destroyed, instead of moving forward richie becomes a free agent doing whatever he feels like, without a system, or a code, that he draws on. which is kinda scary if you think about it.

BUT THATS THE EPISODE

it’s so good. final thoughts: i love last episode and this one; these sort of break from the carmy show (and i love the carmy show) and allowing us to get a little deeper into the lives of the other main characters. i think it’s done even better next season (and we’ll talk about it later when it comes up)

my last thought has nothing to do with anything that happened this episode, but just something i thought of while watching the show: carmen, michael, richard. but we their nicknames are carmY, mikeY, richIE. they all have that “ee” sound. natalIE, sydneY. they also have that “ee” sound, but their nicknames are nat and syd. no “ee” sound. is there a reason the guys have “ee” nicknames (and that their nicknames are used more than their regular names) and the women have “ee” names but their nicknames don’t? is this something? or am i just high?

anywho

that’s the episode and the next one is EPISODE SEVEN and i’m not emotionally ready. see ya then!

Season Two

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misscammiedawn · 1 month ago

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Apple Music Round-Up 2024

Welp, our mental health results came in for the year. Fun thing to crack through. Because I'm going to be a basic bitch and post my marketing algorithm data online.

It does actually show some interesting insights into our system, though. It's an impartial switch/mood counter that I really can't manipulate.

Let me be a bit self-indulgent.

Artists

So, yeah. We mostly listen to music when we're at the office so that's one day a week. 40 hours of Rush is about on par for us, to be honest. I feel we could have done more.

Anyway. Let's break them down and give a little analysis of where our head may have been at for these times.

Rush - It's Rush. Honestly 40 hours is kind of low for us. Though there's 120 hours of playtime represented on this list which means 33% of all music (in our top 10) was Rush. --Still seems a little low. Doesn't include the time we were listening to Geddy's autobiography, Neil's books or listening to Rush music on YouTube or Winamp on our personal computer. This is Apple Only. The First Constant - Sample Song

CHRVCHES - If Cammie had a favorite band outside of Rush it'd be CHRVCHES. Personally I really enjoy Screen Violence but Cammie likes everything they've ever put out and is pouting that Mayberry is putting the project on hiatus. Every Open Eye is a damn near perfect album and Bury It was a "Camden Song" before we even transitioned. Cammie-Coded - Sample Song

Porter Robinson - The new album dropped this year and as you'll see we ran the Hit Single of the album a bunch of times. We listened to the first two albums a lot in the build up and made a friend on a Discord server over enjoying Porter's work. Also Cammie-Coded. - Sample Song

Left at London - Kind of a surprise as Nat hasn't released any new music this year. I love her work a ton and am a little sad that Tyler didn't show up on either list because, not to be too white on main, she was our entry point for him. Nat's music resonates with us on the topics of transgender topics and mental health stuff, particularly BPD and identity dissociation. Camden-Coded - Sample Song (cw: suicide mention)

Genesis - Genesis (and Phil Collins) are our back-up band for when we need a break from Rush. Kind of surprised we listened to so much. Don't really have much to say. I know we added Home By The Sea and Driving The Last Spike to our favorite songs but can't think of a time we sat down and listened to Genesis with intent. A mystery to be solved, I'm sure. Dawn/Wynn Coded?- Sample Song

The Streets - Okay, The Streets returned after a lengthy hiatus in October 2023 so it's no surprise that we were binging the new album. Craig loves Skinner's work and thinks Original Pirate Material is early 2000s London encased in amber. It feels like home when we listen to it and the boy needs to feel a connection to the things we lost every now and again. Craig-Coded - Sample Song (cw: drugs/alcohol overdose)

Vienna Teng - A little bit of Michigan that we took with us. Wonder if this is a Dawn thing? Vienna Teng has a gentle country/folk mix and has poetic lyrics that try to draw intimate connections between characters. Her songs feel like a voyeur writing poetry about the other people in a diner and I kind of dig that. Dawn/Camden-Coded - Sample Song

Grace Petrie - Queer British folk music, emphasis on the queer. Grace's music has a lot of anger about the current political climate and has a lot of blissful gender euphoria. Cammie/Dawn-Coded - Sample Song

The Narcissist Cookbook - Queer British folk music, less emphasis on the queer. I'm actually sad Cookbook isn't higher. We wanted to see him play live this year but were worried about COVID. Camden-Coded - Sample Song

Yes - It's prog rock. I imagine a decent amount of this time was spent listening to Closer to the Edge alone. Dawn-Coded - Sample Song (cw: 18 minutes)

Individual Songs

...fuck.

So this is obviously a little weighted by the fact that certain songs are the only thing we listen to by their particular artist. 40 hours of Rush is spread over a couple hundred songs where many of these songs are the only thing we even know their individual artists from.

Plus--- I'll admit it. There are times where a certain song just hits and we have to suck the emotion from it like a Capri-Sun by playing it on repeat. I'd say "I" as Camden because there's a lot of yearning/angst songs there but track 4 is 100% Dawn being an extravagant Fae.

Also funny thing. Craig was fronting when we started pulling this and the moment I saw our top songs I jumped in. I almost didn't post to avoid "outing" myself here but if we're going to do the Camden Walk Of Shame then I'm writing my own fucking excuses.

This Means War ~ Marianas Trench (39 Plays) - Look. I'm not going to beat around the bush. I miss my friends. I miss them so much it tears my stomach inside out and makes me cry into a pillow at night.

Cheerleader ~ Porter Robinson (31 Plays) - The hit single from Porter's new album got a lot of spins this year. Cammie absolutely loves doing the dishes while dancing or singing to this one.

I'm Spent ~ Housewife (29 Plays) - "Old friends fading, am I still in your good graces?" - Fuck this entire playlist really is the Camden walk of shame. "I guess that's all in the past. No we're not getting it back." ...god damn it.

Mine (fear. Linnea Olsson) ~ Daniel Olsen & Jonathan Eng (29 Plays) - Dawn, you little shit, this song is pure Fae energy.

Bad Friend ~ Cheese on Bread (26 Plays) - The lyrics on this one are so specific to the artist that I don't really project onto it any but if I did I'd cast myself as the bad friend. Either way the chorus carrying the wish that a broken friendship can be repaired is just... *sighs* ...why the fuck am I posting this on the internet where humans can read it?

Reverse ~ Minimall (26 Plays) - Ever seen the movie Eternal Sunshine? There's a reason that movie is held up as a movie about BPD. I hate the secrets I carry in relation to both my marriage and my former best friends. It's this intense intimate Knowing of a person and... I can't even talk about my part in any of that. It's just, parts of my own history are gated behind bars and it fucking hurts because I'd never tell those secrets because they're not mine, even if the things that I experienced impact my life and I'm left in limbo processing things in solitude. If I could... I'd reverse it. Let all those secrets and experiences pour out of me. That way, maybe there'd be peace?

Do It, Try It ~ M83 (24 Plays) - The scene at the end of Letterkenny season 8 got us into this song and made me reevaluate Junk. Mr. Robot and my love of Daft Punk already sold me on M83 but Junk wasn't that good so we slept on it.

Something's Always Wrong ~ Toad the Wet Sprocket (23 Plays) - Always loved this song and Toad. Craig does too, I believe? Prior to transition and going non-contact with our family of origin we edited a recording of a 3 hour Skype 'conversation' with our father put it on like 10 times speed while the song played and paused the song whenever we spoke. There was about 80 seconds us us speaking. We timed it so "another day, I call and never speak" played before we got our first word out. Fun times.

Keep You On My Side ~ CHRVCHES (23 Plays) - Used to play this on repeat at the end of our marriage. Seems old habits die hard. Cammie loves CHRVCHES. This song is a fucking banger.

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid ~ The Offspring (23 Plays) - Fuck yeah this song is awesome!

Okay. Now I'm done shaming myself in public I'm going to just pout for a while.

Maybe listen to some Rush.

#camden posting #camden walk of shame #seriously those songs hit me like a punch to the stomach #I'm so fucking normal #personal #the first constant #t4e #anyway #this is just for my own sake #maybe Daja's too #but mostly my own

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mouldymp3rotations · 1 year ago

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1223-004

December being my birthday month, I decided to treat myself and upload 10 of my favourite songs of all time :D That means that this will be the first rotation that contains something else than only japanese music AND that the genre will be all over the place lol

As usual, the link for each individual song is in their title and the link to download everything all at once is at the bottom of the post

So in this birthday pack, you'll find :

Dalida - Mourir sur scène

Mourir sur scène (literally "to die on stage" although an english version of the song exists as Born to Sing, though i kind of don't like her english singing voice as I feel it lacks depth...) is my favourite Dalida song, in which she addresses death directly. By the time she recorded this, she had already attempted suicide and I do believe that her love for singing and being on stage made her life bearable enough, at least for a while (she did end up killing herself, in the end). She was a very tragic grande dame and that weighs a lot in my love for her, I have to admit. Mourir sur Scène was a single on an eponymous album released in 1983

youtube

Dir en grey - Lotus

This song was an love at first hearing and it's still as good as it was the first time I listened to it. It's just one of these songs that grabs my heart, will not let go, and will crush it and leave a gaping hole in my chest by the time the song is over kfjshksdjfhksjdfh Lotus was a single from Dum Spiro Spero released in 2011

youtube

Evanescence - Imaginary

I first was introduced to Imaginary through the version that is on Fallen. The thing is, Evanescence is the first band ever on which I hyperfixated. One album wasn't enough. I went on to find the Fallen demos and the Origin demo album. The version you're getting here is the version from Origin. I have not gone back to listen to the Fallen version since lol (the Synthesis version isn't bad either !) So this version of Imaginary was on Origin, released in 2000

youtube

Gothika - Fata Morgana Android

I'm still wondering if this is my rip from the album or my rip from their MySpace LOL. So yeah, I first heard this as an untitled track on MySpace, back when they had just changed their name from Euthanasie to Gothika. I also don't think they made a better song than this... ^^; Fata Morgana Android was on the album 120 Days of Sodom, released in 2007

youtube

Hora - Ains5

I JUST FUCKING LOVE THAT SONG OK. And it's the only one without lyrics, here... Ains5 was on Venom, self-released in 2007 (which also transonica and inner elements which are pretty good too !!!)

youtube

Klaus Nomi - Cold Song

Happy birthday to me, here's the most depressing song ever ^_^ Klaus Nomi was pretty much my introduction to countertenor voices (which probably came as a recommendation from someone after I had gotten into Vitas around 2007 tbh), and I just fell in love. Cold Song was on an eponymous album released in 1981 (if you'd like something less depressing, try Lighting Strikes or You Don't Own Me from the same album :) )

youtube

Lili Fatale - Feels

I have to admit that I don't like a lot of québécois music, despite me being from Québec, but Lili Fatale definitely is an exception. Particularly for Feels. I find the song relatable and I like how her voice carries it and wraps around me, aaah... Feels can be found on the album CK80296 (yes discogs is wrong on this one cause indeed the album title is the catalog number, but I guess it's also considered an eponymous album...), released in 1997

youtube

Queen - The Show Must Go On

So I was introduced to that song through Moulin Rouge! lol. And then one day, I got a weird hair up my ass and went to download a Queen Best Of album and... Yeah, the rest is history, it will always, always be such a gut wrenching song ! And the show did go on, after all... The Show Must Go On was released on Innuendo, in 1991

youtube

Schwarz Stein - 黒い羊 (Kuroi Hitsuji)

Another one of my love at first hearing, this is the last one to date. I knew I was going to put a Schwarz Stein song in here, and it could have been so hard because all their songs are so fucking good, but I figured that anything from the midi:nette era is old enough for everyone to have heard it already, so I decided to go for a more recent song. I almost hesitated between this and Cocoon tbh lol Kuroi Hitsuji is the B-side on the Ever After single released in 2019

(couldn't find it on youtube lol)

The Birthday Massacre - Blue

Blue was my introduction to The Birthday Massacre ! I then looked into them and realized their whole thing was violet and a weird girl, at a time when violet was my favourite colour and I was a weird girl, so it just... happened naturally tbh. Blue was on the Violet album (still fucking iconic !!!), released in 2004

youtube

All 10 songs are downloadable here

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yourlocalbadgerscales · 6 months ago

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100 FOLLOWERS!

THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION!

Doing one of these now, since my first one flopped:

15 reblogs: I will post pics of stuff in my room, so basically a room tour kinda

25 likes: I will post one or more pieces of my poetry!

50 likes: I will start making completely new content (but my old content will not vanish I promise) like Taylor Swift and Conan Gray related things!

60 likes: I will buy more makeup and clothes that I’ve wanted for sooo long (I’ll try)

70 likes & 40 reblogs: I will post outfit ideas, maybe Sirius Black, Regulus Black, Slytherin or Conan Gray themed? We’ll see…

90 likes & 80 reblogs: I will go for a long walk and stay hydrated for a whole day!

100 likes & 80 reblogs: I will try to draw some Harry Potter/Marauders fanart (I suck btw)

120 likes & 90 reblogs: You’ll get a story time about my gay awakening!

230 likes & 110 reblogs: I will post photographs I’ve taken myself!

‼️300 LIKES & 150 REBLOGS: I will call people who can help me, and tell them about my (really bad) situation with my mom, and also tell them the story of my friend who for months now has been SA’d by my ex friend and her bf (the number I have goes to people who will listen to me anonymously btw)‼️

350 likes & 190 reblogs: I will try to learn to play a really difficult song on the piano I have at home!

400 likes & 200 reblogs: I will tell my mom about my really good friend who I’ve kept secret from her for reasons :3

500 likes & 220 reblogs: I will dye my hair for the first time!

NO. SPAMMING! 😘

#tag people #like #reblog #challenge #for myself #100 followers surprise!

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transamus · 4 months ago

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More Mario Eclipse thoughts, focused on postgame now:

The postgame wrapup in the base game was mostly just bearable because I was like, 10 when I played it and didn't have anything else to do than meticulously comb through every single level for blue coins. The addition of 120 / 140 / 160 / etc shine goals for new levels is incredibly welcome; fully completing any single level will not unlock a new level, and i think that math is intentional and makes for a sorta Steep Hill to climb up in a really interesting way!

As far as the postgame levels themselves though, the ones I've encountered:

Casino Game Table: I think this one should have actually just been included in Hotel Delfino. The level itself is really fun, even though its only 5 shines (4 episodes + 100 coin; this is the case for all post-game levels!), and the final shine was really cool; I wish I had been able to listen to the song for it for longer, even. However, if they had wanted to do a Haunted level, I really wish they'd gone all out and just made it a full island instead of just an arcade cabinet thing.

Mario's Dream: I haven't 100%'d this one so far, but I wasn't a huge fan of starting with a timed mission. I said it before, but I like being able to take my time exploring a map and taking it all in, and then be tested on that knowledge with time trials! Otherwise, the aesthetics of the level are gorgeous, and I really adore the entire concept of this one.

Lancia Fredda Peaks: I cannot believe that I never even realised that the base game didn't have any sort of ice level. This is a really fun take on it, it's simple & to the point, with two new mechanics: these little whirlwinds that keep you spinning, and Freeze Damage from getting out of the water. I really appreciate that the Freeze Damage doesn't apply when you're in the water, it makes falling in feel less like a Death Sentence and more like a Punishment.

Red Lily City: So far, my favourite level conceptually. The camera can be a little weird with the tight alleys, but actually much less so than in other areas of the game. It's clear that a lot of attention to detail was paid towards the spacing of things in this level specifically, and it works really well for that. I loved the little callback pipe maze in the generator room, and the fact that the city is "powered by bubbles" is an adorable twist that feels straight out of any Mario game.

Vaporwave: I actually have been dreading this one so much that I hadn't gotten a single shine in it yet. Literally just entering the level and standing there made me kinda nauseous. The concept for this level is really genuinely cool, but the execution makes it by far my least favourite in the entire game, including the base game. However, entering the second half of it: I really wish the entire level had been more like this! The fact that the first 2 shines are just "synthwave city" and very Motion Sickness, and the second 2 shines are in, effectively, a different level, is really strange to me! It feels like the developers didn't understand that Synthwave and Vaporwave aesthetics are different things, or they just wanted to make that absolute eyesore of a first area.

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eleanorfenyxwrites · 5 months ago

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The Man From Y.I.L.I.N.G.

Chapter 4 - RESEARCH POST

It's like how champagne can only be made in champagne France -- true Moutai Baijiu can only be made by the Kweichow Maotai distillery in Maotai, Guizhou province. It's a state-owned business, and in 1951 Moutai was named an official state liquor and "...became both the drink of choice for greeting foreign dignitaries and the bribe of choice to high officials."

The bottle of baijiu that Nie Mingjue is looking at on the bar was inspired by this bottle sold online by Christies Auction (Shanghai) for 960000CNY (approx. 139,389USD / 114,422GBP) in January 2022. Source: Christies online

3. Xiangqi is historical 'Chinese Chess', believed to have originated in the Song Dynasty. The pieces and rules are different from Western chess, though there are also quite a few overlaps seeing as they're both war strategy games. English-speakers will frequently swap out the names of the pieces for their Western counterparts since they perform similar functions (i.e. to protect the general/king or else have similar legal movement patterns or limitations around the board).

4. Baijiu is typically served in a tulip-shaped glass when entertaining. The shape of the glass allows the aroma of the wine to bloom properly, and holding the glass by the stem prevents the heat of your hand from altering the aroma/flavor while you drink. Jess and I thought this was a nice nod to Nie Mingjue's more aristocratic upbringing - he knows and observes these niceties of highbrow society pretty instinctually even when under stress because he's still the Nie heir/leader at heart.

5. As far as him slamming it back, though - this baijiu is meant to be sipped at slowly while eating, not knocked back like a shot of tequila. It's extremely strong, around 80-120 proof, which is why LXC is watching him pound these shots back like "O.O Oh I might've fucked up somewhere here"

6. For Lan Xichen's move against himself in the xiangqi game where he captures a piece - this is way too much detail for a throwaway line in the middle of a conversation, but I actually researched the movement types for each piece in xiangqi for it. For this move, a red soldier piece has crossed the river in the horizontal middle of the board into the opposing black territory (making it more vulnerable, as it can't retreat back across the 'river', and is now therefore worth 2 points instead of 1). The black cannon can move as far as it wants in a straight line so long as it's unobstructed, so canons are frequently purely offensive pieces used for capturing. In order to capture, a cannon has to be able to jump a piece (the only piece in the game that has to capture by jumping), and so for this move and response, the lone red soldier is hopped by the black cannon, then removed from play for 2 points. Is this actually a good strategy? I dunno!

7. Back to the baijiu and its soy sauce flavor - there are apparently lots of various flavors of baijiu even from this one distillery, ranging from light and floral/fruity all the way to the more savory wines. Apparently the strongest/most fermented really do taste like soy sauce as they're made with a similar fermentation process. (I spent so long reading about baijiu production and personal accounts on blogs from connoiseurs for just a few lines but it's about grounding it in reality!!)

8-10. The first song that plays on the album Lan Xichen puts on is "Hippy Hippy Shake" from the 1964 album 'Zoom' by The Fabulous Echoes, based in Hong Kong. Music like this apparently would've been pretty contraband in Mainland China, the sort of thing people would only listen to either by themselves or amongst trusted friends in their own homes. Lan Xichen is being a little daring by playing it in the hotel like this, but 🤷🏽‍♀️ the record was already there and it's not like Wen Ruohan doesn't like to flaunt how much he doesn't have to follow the usual social rules 'cause $$$ so I just went with it. The next songs that play each time Nie Mingjue notices the track changing are "To Russia With Love" for the slower ballad, and then when the bouncy percussion comes back in it's "Betcha Gonna Like It".

11. I've only been able to find two mentions of Peony as a luxury brand of record player: one, a personal journal entry from someone who remembers their dad buying one and being very proud to have purchased such a luxury; and two, a blurb of a quote from a book called 'Newborn Socialist Things: Materiality in Maoist China' that reads "…late 1950s with its line of Peony (Mudan) luxury brand radios. In 1959, it began offering a new combination model: The Peony 1201 added a four-speed…" before the preview cuts off. But of course even though I couldn't find loads of information about it it was just too perfect not to include.

#The Man From Y.I.L.I.N.G.#Research Post

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msweebyness · 2 years ago

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Class of Heroes AU: Cute Ship Stuff

Here’s some HC’s about the lovely ships in this AU! I plan to do a future post with more backstory oriented stuff, but IDK when. Credit as always to the wonderful lovelies, @artzychic27 and @imsparky2002!

OH!!! Guess who came up with Mor’du’s new name! In this AU, he will be called ‘Yamikuma’ to fit with Brave being Kagami’s story. LMK your thoughts!

*Marinette loves to take Adrien out on little adventures on weekends, to let him experience things he’s never done before. No matter what it is, Adrien is always excited, because it’s new and he’s doing it with her.

*Adrien tells Marinette about the lights that appear in the sky every year on his birthday, and she vows to take him to see them one day. For now, they love to stargaze in the school courtyard.

*Once Kagami joins the relationship, they all love to go out for rides on Longg. It helps that all three of them can fit on his back!

*Nino frequently drops by Alya’s work in the mornings and afternoons, just to keep her company and help her clean up from the morning and afternoon rushes.

*Alya is teaching Nino to do a lot of things without using magic, like cooking and cleaning and fixing things. He appreciates and enjoys it a lot more than he thought he would for the accomplished feeling it gives him.

*Nathaniel has a gorgeous singing voice, and he’ll sing a song Marc loved from childhood, ‘Vuelie’ to calm him down when his control over his powers starts to slip.

*Marc loves to make ice statues based off Nathaniel’s drawings or just of Nathaniel himself, and Nath can’t help but squeal when he watches him work.

*Marc starts keeping a small pillow in his backpack for when Nathaniel falls asleep in random places around the school.

*Ondine is still rather clumsy on her new legs, so on particularly long and/or difficult walks, Kim will pick her up and carry her, so she doesn’t get tired or hurt.

*The students have a running betting pool over how many times Kim will catch Ondine falling or tripping from something in day. The highest record is eleven. He doesn’t mind it though, because he likes being able to hold her.

*He gets her into working out after she decides to join the school’s swim team. When she was able to deadlift 120 pounds on her first try, his heart nearly exploded and he almost asked her to marry him on the spot.

*Mylene loves to make flower crowns for Ivan and he’s more than happy to wear them, no matter what anyone says!

*Ivan introduces Mylene to all his gargoyle friends at the school, and she finds them to be lovely company. They love her too, she brings them snacks!

*Juleka loves to listen to Rose reading fairytales. They can spend hours in the library with Rose just reading all her favorite stories to Juleka, who never gets tired of hearing them.

*Rose absolutely adores dancing, so she will often pull Juleka out to twirl around with her when one of the various musicians at the school is playing in the courtyard.

*Mireille will often shift to her lion form and lay across Aurore’s lap while she’s working so the fairy can run her fingers through her mane and fur, which both of them find very calming.

*The first time Simon tried to take Denise flying with him, it did NOT go well as their muscle mass ended up being a BIT too much for him to handle. (They ARE nine feet tall, after all…) After that, he goes to Lacey for pixie dust or borrows Alix’s carpet for them whenever they feel like a romantic fly.

*Simon will play music on his pipe-flute for Denise to calm them down when they’re especially upset about being treated as a ‘villain’. He’s…not very good, and it mostly works because it makes them laugh.

*Cosette loves to teach Zoe the dance moves from their music videos and to hear her singing along to their tunes. It’s considering asking her to record a few tracks with the band, she knows the fans would LOVE Zoe’s beautiful voice as much as they do.

#miraculous ladybug #ml au #class of heroes #disney au #akuma class #science kids #adrienette #adrigaminette #alyno #kimdine #myvan #nathmarc #julerose #aurore x mireille #oc x oc #oc x canon #mlb ocs

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bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue · 2 years ago

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Bebop Crew July Challenge, Day 2: Summer Nights

Thanks to the @bebopcrew community for the prompt list! This one is, of course, inspired by the song “Summer Nights” from Grease. Takes place post-finale.

Summer lovin’, had me a blast…

Summer lovin’, happened so fast…

Faye swore she usually had more sophisticated tastes than the almost-a-century-old film about teenage greasers in the 1950s, peppily singing and dancing their way through high school friendships and romances. Grease, she admitted, was a bit of a guilty pleasure for her, and she knew she’d probably be subject to merciless teasing if any other members of the crew caught her watching it unironically. But she stood by her love of the movie, embarrassing as it may have been.

She knew, of course—she knew very well from experience—that the real world wasn’t like the one portrayed in Grease; it didn’t have musical numbers and dance-offs and perfect happy endings where people’s cars inexplicably took off flying into the sky. (Although she supposed maybe her Red Tail counted…) The real world was filled with hard times, bad luck, scammers and con artists you couldn’t trust. The real world, put simply, sucked. But sometimes it was nice to pretend.

And at the end of a long, crappy day like today—when her bounty heads had all gotten away, her horses had all lost, and to top it all off, there was nothing good to eat anywhere on the ship—it was nice to watch something calming, familiar, silly, that would let her relax and turn off her brain. Particularly when she was in the optimal viewing position: alone, curled up on her bed, with headphones connected to the TV and jammed firmly over her ears. It especially helped if she had a drink or two to go with it, too. (Because of course the ship had that.)

“Damn, Faye,” came a voice, “didn’t realize you were actually twelve years old.” Faye turned in surprise to see Spike standing in the doorway, a sideways grin on his face.

She was going to destroy these headphones.

“Oh, are you talking about this absolute cinematic masterpiece I’m watching?” she said lightly, taking off her headphones so they hung around her neck, but letting the movie continue to play in the background. She knew this whole song by heart anyway, not that she’d readily admit that to Spike. Now that her headphones were off, she could tell they didn’t block out noise very well—stupid cheap things—and the movie’s sounds were quite easily audible through their tinny speakers even when they were plugged in. The T-Birds and the Pink Ladies crooned faintly underneath her words. Tell me more, tell me more….

“This music is giving me diabetes just from listening to it,” Spike complained.

Faye grinned. “Your tastes just aren’t sophisticated enough to appreciate it.” She may have dreaded her crewmates’ teasing, but she could give as good as she got.

Spike made his way to Faye’s bed and leaned over her shoulder to look at the movie. A few minutes passed quietly this way, with Spike furrowing his brow, a vaguely confused expression on his face as he took in the action. Finally, he broke the silence. “There’s no way these actors are high schoolers,” he said, jabbing his finger at Rizzo on the screen. “I mean, how old’s that one? 30?”

“I notice you haven’t stopped watching.”

“I just wanna see how stupid it is,” Spike protested. But, just as Faye said, he didn’t stop watching. He kept looking over Faye’s shoulder, leaning against her bedpost in that casual way of his. He was mostly silent except for the occasional, “Who’s that?” and “What’s with that ridiculous getup?” and “Oh, god dammit, they’re singing again?”

Faye found it strange to watch her designated Movie For Bad Days with Spike in the room, judging it all. But she duly fended off his comments: “That’s Frenchy, she’s one of the Pink Ladies”; “You mean that beautiful getup, and it’s from like 120 years ago anyway”; “It’s a musical, Spike, not a snooze-ical. Now shut up, I wanna hear this.”

At one point, Spike pointed to Danny Zuko and asked, with a sly, joking smile, “You think I could pull off that look?”

“As if there was enough grease in the world to tame your hair like that.”

“Find me a pair of leather pants,” he said, “and I’ll get back to you.”

“The real question is, could you dance like that,” said Faye.

“Could I? Sure,” Spike answered. “Would I? With all those weird-ass pelvic thrusts? You couldn’t pay me.”

Faye smiled; she couldn’t help herself. “That’s kinda what you look like when you’re fighting.”

“Please.” Spike shook his head and turned away. “Zucchini or whatever his name is wishes he could do it like me.”

At another point, he blurted out incredulously, “You have this shit memorized?” and Faye realized she’d been unconsciously mouthing the lyrics to one of the songs, matching it word-for-word. She hadn’t even noticed she was doing it.

“You know the exact order of all those tracks on Jet’s favorite Charlie Parker album,” she rejoined.

“I’d better,” Spike grumbled, “after he’s subjected me to it all those times.” Then he looked at her, his brow furrowed again. “How many times have you watched this?”

“Maybe I’m just a genius,” she said, “with a photographic memory. And I can learn things by heart after only seeing them once.”

Spike snorted. “And that’s why you’re so great at blackjack.”

“Screw you, Spike,” she said, taking another swig of alcohol and turning her attention back to the screen.

A few minutes of silence passed before she spoke again.

“I watched this as a kid,” she said, her voice quieter as she reminisced. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Spike leaning in a tiny bit closer to listen. “My friends and I did a cheerleading routine to Greased Lightning one year, and we performed it at our school’s end-of-year exhibition.” Her face split into a surprisingly soft grin at the memory. “One of my friend’s moms showed us the actual movie, and after that we watched it so many times that we memorized all the songs, not just Greased Lightning, and we’d act them out when we were bored. God, we made up whole dance routines to them.” She gave a small laugh. “We must have looked so ridiculous. There weren’t enough of us for all the roles, so usually one of us was all of the T-Birds at once, and one of us was all the Pink Ladies. It’s one of the memories that came back.”

She wasn’t usually this unguarded, especially not when she talked about herself, and especially not when she recalled another snatch of memory about her past life. It usually just brought back what had been taken from her, what would never be again. It felt like physical pain, like jabbing at a bruise or a gunshot wound that hadn’t fully healed.

She wasn’t sure what had changed today. Maybe it was the alcohol. Or maybe it was as if the wound was finally starting to scar over. Her past memories no longer always came with the sharp pang of the reminder of what she didn’t have. Now, she could recall the happiness of back then, too, and just appreciate it for what it was.

Or maybe it was because she wasn’t entirely friendless anymore. Although she’d never consider doing a choreographed dance routine to Greased Lightning with the friends she had now. (Then again, it did make her laugh to imagine Spike forced into what he’d called “that ridiculous getup,” a deep scowl on his face as he halfheartedly performed the movements.)

What mattered was that her friends were there. In a way, they’d always been there, there on the Bebop—the place she’d flitted into and out of at will, the place she’d refused to ever truly consider a home, the only place left for her after every place she remembered from her childhood was destroyed. After spending so long on the ship with Spike and Jet and Ed and Ein—these people who didn’t abandon her, even if they left for a while—she was just beginning to appreciate that.

Spike appeared to consider her words for a while, looking surprisingly thoughtful, pensive. Faye wondered if he was imagining what she must have looked like as a kid, twirling and dancing around with her friends. She’d only been a year or two younger than when she’d recorded the VHS for her future self, after all.

Then, abruptly, his face snapped back into its usual cool, lazy expression. “So…you’re not a genius with a photographic memory.”

“Maybe I just had to watch it once back then to memorize it,” she said, her light tone returning as well. “And how do you know I’m not a genius? Sixty years is a long time to keep something in your head, you know.”

That was another sign she was recovering from having lost her memories and then gotten them back. She could joke about it. The wound didn’t feel too fresh, too raw. The realization made her heart feel light.

“Now shut up,” she said, a faint smile on her face. “I wanna watch.”

Spike rolled his eyes, but obligingly shut up. But he did elbow Faye, prompting her to scooch over, and then clambered onto her bed next to her, leaning over to see the screen without touching her. Faye didn’t kick him off.

And together—Spike with his knees drawn up to his chest, Faye mouthing and sometimes softly singing all the lyrics she could remember, both of them taking alternating swigs from the bottle between them—they watched.

Summer dreams ripped at the seams,

But oh, those summer nights….

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