#As a reminder I am always up for rambling about things hahaha

[characteroulette]

okay you know what. this has delayed me by an entire two days in writing the apolluke fic (should really come up with an acronym or something) so I have to outsource the question

riddle me this! I don’t know what detective to have on the case.

my first thought was ema! but, the fic’s in 2028 and I know that we’re retconning SoJ’s 2028 events but she’s 100% gotten her promotion to a forensic scientist by this point and I refuse to believe she hasnt. she DESERVES.

and I adore ema as a character but honest to god despite finishing my Apollo Justice playthrough recently could NOT get a grasp on her personality?? she’s just kinda very moody and as funny as it is, that isn’t very present on SoJ from what I’ve seen (don’t own a copy and still watching the game) but she is more likely, I just have no will to write her yet nor the confidence.

the thing is?? I don’t really have other options. because we’re post DD so no Fulbright and as much as I am the biggest Gumshoe fan to walk the earth iii think he isn’t gonna work here. I could always do an OC and that is my second option if I can’t figure out how the hell I’m gonna write Ema but I do have the OCs for this case worked out and there’s no space for the detective to be really case relative. a new detective would be so fun to write though and honest to god I already have plenty ocs that can do that legwork

sorry to yell here about this!! this was. um. super long and also ema Skye appreciation I adore her but I dont know if I can’t write her she’s delayed me by days already and I hope to have this up by Monday (my time) . On the other hand if I do plan to make more casefics/side fics for the Apolluke Penpal Cinematic Universe, a dedicated detective could be fun but would require introducing to the audience

Ooohh yeah I hear ya there. Figuring out a solid Detective for a case is a bit tricky, especially when it comes to Ema. She seems like a normal, easy character on the outset (how hard can it really be to write a jaded once bright-eyed lover of all things forensic sciences?? She's a nerd to boot, should be easy!), but lots of difficulties once you get into the weeds. (She's jaded, but in a similar way to Hobohodou. She hates Klavier Gavin with a passion. She's excited for her job but she's stuck with all these damn fussy boys!) (SoJ is pretty excellent for her character, love to see her though my poor dear goes through some of it ;w; ;;; ) I, too, love her, though, so no worries, I love hearing the take on her!! =w=

A new detective would be cool to see, tbh!! I'm all for Ace Attorney OCs (I have my own and all lol) (Prosecutor, his Mortician siblings, and their twin Detective buds) (duality is a theme I lean into a lot hahaha), so if it works better like that, then go for it! Could also like, make Kay the Detective if you prefer a familiar face, I know popular fanon is that she's Detective by the AJ era.

A wild chaotic third option, force Luke to fill the Detective role lmao-- (/I am removed for being too chaotic)

[moonlight-prose]

HURT

➝ 05. MIDNIGHT DOVE

a/n: i never thought it would take a year to finally work up the courage to finish this. i swear it's been marinating in my mind for months. life got in the way as it always does, and well shit happens, but i am gradually attempting to return to this world. if you're new here, welcome. if you're someone who has been here since the beginning, then thank you for sticking my horrible productivity out. i swear i won't disappear again. hopefully.

dedicated to: @themarcusmoreno for being an absolute badass fighter as of late. i hope you know how proud i am of you babes and how much i adore you. a special thanks to @sunflowersteves who has been a MASSIVE supporter of this story. i love you babes! and to @soulores who has listened to me ramble about this fic for hours in the hopes inspo would strike again. te amo te amo te amo!!!

summary: joel never made opening himself up to the prospect of love easy, but when it came to you...it felt like taking a breath of fresh air for the first time in years.

word count: 14k+ (i'm fucking insane)

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI, cussing, fluff, joel attempting to be romantic, ptsd, grief, deep talks (joel opens up), joel finally telling the truth, p in v sex, choking kind of, roughness, biting lots of biting (both kinds hahaha), tad bit of violence, the dangers of falling in love.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER | SERIES MASTERLIST

It was easy to forget how damaged you were in the midst of his affection. An effortless act to allow yourself a chance to heal as you gave yourself over to him. For brief moments, you weren’t the person who had gone through years of pain, suffered through grief so potent you could taste it. You were the person who could sink into his hold, lose yourself in his touch, and simply exist.

With Joel there was no pain, no reminders of what you didn’t have—what you could never get back—because he took all that away. He gave you the one thing you didn’t know you were searching for. Yourself. In whispered words beneath the midnight sky, you found the reflection you’d been so afraid to look at. You saw the person who had been torn apart by the brutality of this world, by the prospect of death you could no longer run from.

He pieced you back together with his hands, attempting to rid you of all those cracks and crevices where pain seeped out from.

And in doing so, he saved you.

“You used to be a contractor right?” you asked, trying not to huff and puff as you trailed after him through the woods.

Briefly you thought you caught the sight of tall buildings in the distance, but played it off as the sun messing with your eyes again. A few days ago the truck broke down, ruining the quick pace of travel you had gotten used to. Which left you both with one option. Walking until your feet were numb and bloody. You hadn’t missed the energy this took, suddenly yearning for trains and planes—anyway to get to Boston as quickly as possible.

Except you didn’t hate it entirely. The bonus was being able to spend more time with him in secluded areas. You liked studying him by firelight, talking with him underneath the stars. Joel was the one who kept you going in spite of the agonizing effort this took. Thankfully the moments you did run into any infected were brief and quick—simply another crack in the bubble you’d built around yourselves.

Something had shifted between the two of you. Changed the tides of your futures and gave you insight into what might be possible once you got to Boston. You saw hints of a life that you might not have seen before. A future with him. You only hoped that he was seeing the same picture you were.

“Mhm,” he hummed, pausing to let you catch up, his hand reaching for yours.

“Impressive,” you said with a smile, pressing your chin on his shoulder as he leaned against a tree. Giving the both of you a small breather before you started up again.

“It paid the bills.”

“Well yeah. But it’s also a cool job. Getting to build things.”

He grinned, his eyes tracing the shapes and contours of your face. “I guess it was.”

“What made you want to be a contractor?” You caught the way he paused at your question, his eyes unable to meet yours for a brief moment. Joel thought he was able to hide his pain so well, behind an impenetrable mask he never removed. But you saw it.

You were the only one who split it down the middle; revealing the man beneath for your eyes to see.

“Uh,” he mumbled. “It was good work. Kept me stable.”

“Joel? Did I say something?”

He shook his head. “We should keep going,” he said, pressing a light kiss to your temple, his lips lingering a bit longer than usual.

Any other person would play that off as Joel being Joel. Yet you felt the tremor in his chest when he took in a breath. You saw the way he placed another brick in his never-ending wall. One that he didn’t want you to break. Frowning slightly, you walked beside him, glancing to see if he would finally revert back to the man from moments ago, but he was lost to the ravages of his mind.

You knew it would take awhile for him to come back to you. So, you waited. You lost yourself in your own thoughts, watching the birds fly through the trees, the sun peeking through the branches and bathing you in warmth. Thankfully the cold was starting to fade with each passing day. Giving way to the weather you liked most. You wanted to ask Joel where you were—which state you crossed into—but he was still gone.

Reliving the moment he hadn’t told you about yet.

You stopped when the forest gave way to a road and finally caught sight of what was in the distance. Only to realize…the sun hadn’t been playing tricks on you.

Skyscrapers stood tall against the sky, the cityscape so famous and iconic you could pick it out from memory. It was ruined from the past, some buildings had fallen from the decay, but you felt your heart flutter nonetheless. New York City. You’d been traveling through the state this whole time and never knew. Your younger self ached in the back of your mind; the one place you had been striving to get to, now arriving too late.

Yet still…you were there. Staring at what could have been your future once upon a time.

“We’re in New York,” you said, your voice tinged in disbelief. 

Joel seemed to have been brought back by your stunned reaction, his lips pulling up into a small smirk. “Thought you would have liked to take this way.”

You whirled around to face him, your eyes wide with surprise. “But what about infected? Won’t they be—”

“They bombed most of the city when the infection hit. Took out the worst parts first.” He pointed to the direction of where you assumed the Empire State building once stood. “No one has been here for nearly a decade. They tried to have a QZ on the outskirts at one point I think.”

“And how did that go?” Although you already knew the answer. Simply another repeat of every major city in this country.

He sighed. “They wound up bombing that too.”

“So we’re going around?” you asked, knowing that the only safe possibility was skirting the edges of the city. But a part of you hoped that for once you and Joel could pretend to be normal humans again.

People who at one point in their lives…might have taken a trip to New York City.

“Well…” His hesitation caught your attention. “We’re gonna go around as much as we can, but there’s somethin’ there that still survived all this. So if we’re careful. Then it should be alright.”

You felt the breath catch in your chest. A sliver of hope flickering warm and bright through your body. “And if it’s not…alright?”

“Then we handle it,” he replied, his hand shifting to cup your cheek, thumb running along your skin. “Like we always do.” Those words alone nearly made those three words slip free from your mouth. “What do you say Boston,” he murmured, his head dipping down—lips brushing along yours. “Wanna take a trip to New York with me?”

There were infected everywhere you went, never being able to escape them entirely. That alone weighed your answer towards it being positive. Still you were wary about what could happen. What could go wrong in the midst of your happiness? It seemed that life never changed when things were already awful. The worst only hit when you were finally at peace, content with what you had.

You should have said no, should have told him it wasn’t safe, but his brown eyes held a hopeful glint in them. A look that you recognized. For the first time, the both of you were finally starting to heal from the horrid effects of this life. It was a tragedy that would never be written down. A play not yet finished.

Which ultimately made the decision for you.

How did you want things to end? With a smile on your face, spending time with the man you loved? Or alone.

“Lead the way Texas,” you said softly, dropping your forehead to his chest, feeling him kiss your head softly before he pulled away.

The trip to get into the city would take a day or two, which meant that you had to set up camp for the night. At least until the sun rose enough to guide you. Venturing back into the forest with him, you felt the lightness in your heart spread down throughout your body. A sensation that you longed to hold onto.

You couldn’t recall the last time you’d been this happy; the feeling almost effortless amidst the pain and destruction of your past. It nearly overflowed, spilling out into the area around you filled with never ending darkness. Joel’s footsteps were heavy against the fallen leaves. As if he was no longer afraid to make noise. Now that the path was clear, his head focused on one direction, you by his side.

Things had shifted drastically since that night. Since you watched a piece of his walls crash to the ground. Giving you a chance to finally see the man he had once been. The Joel you had only met in fragments—memories you weren’t a part of.

A past that you’d never fully know.

“This is as good a place as any,” he said, dropping the bag off his shoulders and onto the ground beside a tree.

“Should I gather wood?” you asked, following his movements—the routine burned into your mind.

He shook his head. “Not tonight. We’re too close to the city.”

“You don’t think people are insane enough to live there, do you?”

The silence he offered was enough of an answer. Even though you were both far enough away from any signs of life, it still wasn’t safe to assume you were entirely free. You could see Joel grappling with the decision to even go down there, but you knew which side would win the war in the end. One side told him to avoid the place altogether, to keep trekking on until you reached the QZ in Boston. But the other whispered something different.

It beckoned him closer, promising something sweet, a reprieve from the terrors of life that continued to plague both of you. Whatever still remained in that city was enough for him to choose the latter.

“I’ll keep first watch,” he murmured, settling with his back to a tree, rifle placed across his thighs.

“Joel.”

He shook his head. “You need to sleep.”

“So do you,” you replied, in the hopes that he’d relent to you as he had before.

The dark lines beneath his eyes grew with every passing day and you wondered what kept him from sleep. Was it nightmares? The prospect of death around every corner? They were things that were enough to send terror running sharply down your spine, but as long as you’d known Joel he seemed to simply take those things in stride. Refusing to give life the satisfaction of watching him crumble beneath the strain.

Yet now he looked half dead; tired of fighting an infinite battle of fear.

“Come here,” you said softly, hand gripping onto his.

“Darlin’—”

“If you don’t sleep then, so help me Joel I will stay up with you.”

The threat held enough truth in it to spur him into action. You would stay up with him until dawn crested over the city, until you could no longer keep your eyes open. Joel had stamina you didn’t possess. Not anymore. So, he allowed you to guide him forward, his head resting on his pack, rifle placed between your bodies. A safety measure in case the night turned for the worst.

“Shut your eyes,” you murmured, seeing the tension in his body melt away the second your hand pressed to his chest.

He huffed—ever the stubborn man who saved your life—but relented without a fight, his eyes fluttering shut quickly followed by a long exhale. The stars were brighter than you’d seen them; the light pollution of the city, no longer a problem the sky had to combat. So, you shifted, rested your head on his shoulder and watched the stars twinkle in a night sky free from the shackles of humanity.

“You’re supposed to sleep too,” he grumbled, his hand coming up to cover yours, thumb running along your wrist.

“I am.” You smiled at his audible snort.

Silence enveloped the two of you, but it never felt off putting in his presence. In fact you began to welcome it, because with Joel there was always more than just words. His thumb continued to go across your skin, creating a soothing rhythm that lulled you into a docile state. If you shut your eyes and focused on the beat of his heart—the rise and fall of his chest with each breath—you might be able to fall asleep. Except your mind still ran, still on high alert in case of something going wrong.

“Hey,” he mumbled, his head turning slightly until his nose brushed against yours.

“Hm?” You felt your heart skip at the sight of his eyes opening again, the deep brown hue pulling you in.

“What’s goin’ on in there?” he whispered. Joel didn’t need to go into specifics to know what he meant by that. You seemed to pick it up just by the inflection of his words—the tone he used when he spoke. This was no different.

You sighed, wishing more than anything that you could strip your shoulders of the weight they carried. “Nothing. I’m just…it’s nothing.”

“It ain’t nothin’.”

“I’m just…scared,” you said, finally showing a sliver of the truth. He hummed, attempting to show that he understood where you were coming from. “What happens when we get to Boston?”

Because that’s where that gnawing feeling stemmed from. It wasn’t your fear of death, or the terror you felt whenever you thought of Joel dying. No, you were scared of what the future held—what came when this trip finally came to an end. You didn’t want to let him go after everything you’d endured together. For the first time you felt like you found the one thing anyone could hope for in life. A partnership.

He sighed. “We keep going.”

“Together?” There you were laying your hope in front of him, wanting him to give you the answer you longed for.

“Yes,” he replied, watching a smile cross your face—his heart beating a bit faster at the sight. It lit him up on the inside. As if someone injected him with a heaping dose of pure sunlight, claiming it would fix all his broken pieces. Save him from hell.

For a moment you simply watched him, seeing an array of emotions flicker through his eyes. You wanted the night to remain endless. For you and Joel to stay there until the stars burned out above—a safe place with no responsibilities. No fear of death. But you knew eventually you would have to get up and follow him into the city. Boston remained right at the very tips of your fingers, yet getting there felt like a million miles away.

“Joel?” you breathed, bringing him out of his mind and back to the present day.

“Yeah?”

“Tell me something.” You clutched his hand in yours, enjoying the warmth that emanated from his skin. “Anything.”

He turned away, looking up at the sky as he processed your words. And you waited patiently. You found that you’d wait for him no matter how long it took, because it was him and to you…he was everything. He was worth fighting for, worth staying put for. He let out a shaky breath, his grip tightening on your palm until pain sparked in your wrist. You didn’t dare pull away though, too captured by the vulnerability that began to show on his face.

For the first time, he was the glass you couldn’t break.

“I had a daughter,” he said softly, still watching how the stars flickered above rather than the way your face went slack with shock. “Sarah.”

Your breath caught in your throat, eyes falling to the broken watch on his wrist as tears began to fall from your eyes. That night when you asked about it—watched him close up right before your very eyes—suddenly made sense. Why he never took it off, why it was the most precious thing to him.

It was from her.

“She was…well she is the best damn thing in my life.” He shut his eyes, his eyes stinging with the tears that couldn’t fall. You didn’t dare interrupt him. Joel was baring the part he’d hidden long ago—offering it to you in the hopes that you’d take care of it. “Had the prettiest smile and the best—” He took in a breath. “The best fuckin’ laugh you’d ever heard. Made everyone else laugh.”

You smiled, feeling your tears fall onto his shirt. “She sounds amazing.”

“She is,” he rasped, his hand pulling yours up higher on his chest until you could feel the rapid beat of his heart beneath your fingers. “On the night of the outbreak. We were tryin’ to get out. But something…” His voice broke, eyes squeezing even tighter. “I couldn’t—and she—”

“Oh Joel,” you whispered, your eyes falling shut as his pain seeped into your heart. It made your whole body scream out and for a moment you wondered how his heart never stopped beating. How had he survived such anguish? How was he still here?

You bit back the sob that threatened to spill free and buried your face into his shoulder, clutching onto his hand to show that you were here. That he could give you this pain to hold and you’d bear it for him for however long he needed. His face turned, a shaky breath leaving his lips as he let the words hang in the air. What more needed to be said? When he had just ripped down the last of his walls.

“I’m so sorry.” The words were a breath on his cheek and you knew they wouldn’t take away any amount of grief. You knew they were simply a band-aid to the gaping wound that would never heal.

He didn’t reply; you didn’t expect him to. So you allowed the silence to fill the air between you, covering you like a comforting blanket. Hiding you from the world until the sun came up. Joel pulled you closer until you practically lay atop his chest, the steady thud of his broken heart echoing beneath your ear. The world had taken so much from him—turned him hopeless—you just never knew the extent of it.

Staring into the darkness of the trees you heard him begin to snore softly, his body now lax beneath you. Except you didn’t move. You remained in the same spot, watching as the world turned a bit darker. The hope seeped out of your body bit by bit now that you understood how much Joel carried—how much he endured.

“I love you,” you breathed, pressing a kiss over his heart, finally shutting your eyes and giving into the soft embrace of sleep.

You woke up to find him gone, his jacket placed strategically over your body to keep you protected from the early morning cold. What you wouldn’t give for a fire to combat the chill that began to seep into your skin. Sitting up slowly, you attempted to catch sight of him through the trees—hoping that he had wandered a bit. But you were left alone with just your pack and his extra gun.

Scenarios began to run through your mind, panic settling in your veins, but you fought against it. You’d been here before. Alone while Joel went off to do who knows what. You knew he would come back—that was a given—but you couldn’t stop the worry from eating at you.

You watched your breath collect in the air as you moved, gathering pieces of wood and rocks to build a fire for a short amount of time. If you were moving today it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to warm up and gain some strength through food. If Joel wasn’t back within the hour you would go out hunting. He’d been generous enough to leave you with a few bullets still in the chamber of his gun.

Which meant he had full intentions of coming back.

The fire sparked quicker than you expected, catching on the brush you packed around the wood and sending heat up towards your face. You couldn’t burn it for long, in case people caught sight of the smoke. Which meant you had to relish in the heat for as long as possible—the stiffness in your body dissipating the longer you sat there.

You watched the orange glow flicker across the wood, consuming it entirely and found you couldn’t tear your eyes away. The sight was familiar—as if you could feel it against your skin with every passing day. Life burned through you with swift brutality and for that mere moment you wondered if it would hurt if you fully sunk into it. Allowed it to destroy you as the flame did the wood that now sat cracked into two pieces—the charred bark falling onto the ground.

A rustling echoed behind you, making you reach for the gun, but the sight of Joel’s graying hair peeking through the woods sent relief flooding through your body. He carried a rabbit in one hand, clutching onto the rifle with the other, and you felt yourself relax just a bit more. Body sinking back into the spot you’d made, legs crossed and hands hovering over the flames.

“Breakfast?” he asked, crouching beside you.

“Don’t mind if I do.” You grinned, pressing your chin against his shoulder briefly, soaking up the warmth of his body.

You couldn’t see his face, but you could feel the smile being pressed against your temple. His lips a soft brush across your skin. If time was kind, you’d be able to stay there. Sitting in the comfort of his presence—the worry that plagued you now pushed to the very back of your mind. It was rare to feel this okay in the comfort of someone else, but Joel made it easy. You wanted to thank him for simply being here, but the words were stuck in your head. Unable to be released.

“How long until we go?” you asked, watching as he cooked the animal over the flames, your stomach clenching painfully.

“Soon as we’re done here.”

The trip into the city wasn’t by any means safe. In fact you were certain it was the most dangerous thing you would attempt in your journey to the Boston QZ. For so long you’d played it safe, but Joel had plans and you would follow his lead wherever he went.

Perhaps it was ridiculous to say you loved him now. In a world where the small hints of anything good were smothered before they could bloom into something more. Except you couldn’t deny what your heart knew was true—what it had been holding onto for months. You loved him. Possibly more than you could ever love someone, and that’s what scared you. Sent a sick feeling into your stomach, your heart twisting violently in your chest at the thought.

Traveling through the city was lethal—a death sentence—but you soon realized it wasn’t the most dangerous thing you could do.

Falling in love in a world intent on destruction was the true risk. Because whether you liked it or not, your entire life could come crashing down in an instant if you lost the man beside you.

Joel was your oxygen. The sole reason you were still alive. You couldn’t lose him.

You both ate in silence, an act that had become sacred to you as time went on. Just a small piece of normalcy that remained—something to remember your old lives by. While you couldn’t necessarily sit at a table and savor the meal. Both of you were content with this. A small amount of peace before chaos ensued once more.

The city called to you—beckoned you closer—and you had to be careful not to give in. There was an unspoken rule in all the traveling you’d had with one another. Joel was the leader in this situation and you were to follow what he said; after all he was simply trying to keep the both of you alive. So you did just that. You waited for him to finish eating and explain exactly how this was going to go down.

“You know…” You picked at the grass beneath you. “I’ve been thinking about what comes next.”

His eyes raised to meet your gaze—the once hardened stare now softened to something you now knew to be familiar. A look he only carried when he was around you. You felt something tug at your chest, warm and inviting.

“I want a home,” you said softly, twirling a dandelion between your fingers. “If that’s a possibility.”

The corners of his lips pulled upwards and you nearly missed the sight. But once you caught it…you couldn’t look away. Joel smiling was a rarity—this you knew to be a hard fact—but when he did the world lit up around him. His smile felt safe. As if he kept every ounce of love given to him in that single look.

“Could be a possibility,” he replied, shifting to where his arm was behind you—his weight leaning on it. “Got a place in mind?”

Heat bloomed beneath your cheeks, small petals of the dandelion flying off. “Nothing too fancy. Big enough for us and…well…it has to be just right.”

Perhaps your mind was playing a trick on you, creating fantastical sights that felt too good to be true, but Joel's smile deepened. A soft light entered his eyes for a brief moment, effectively stealing the breath right from your lungs. He was so beautiful when he smiled. As if he was gifted with it from the gods themselves—his own secret power at the end of the day.

"A house huh."

You nodded, still stunned in place as his smile remained intact. "I miss having a home."

Five words. That's all it took for light to be extinguished like a flame being put out. Sorrow seeped back into his face, his smile faltered, and you felt the world shift beneath your feet. Whatever you said triggered something in his mind. It dragged the memory to the front and forced him to watch with no escape. You know...because you'd been in his place before; you had been a victim to the horror of your own life, privy to the movie that never had an end.

The difference was with Joel you could do nothing but watch.

There was no pulling him out of it, no distracting him, because the memory had already started. So you sat in silence, waiting for it to run its course. Until Joel returned back to you. His smile was gone, face grim once more, and grief stained his soul. But you'd take him any way he was. You'd take him damaged and ruined beyond repair, as he would with you.

"We should get moving soon," he said, voice lower than before, eyes glassy with tears that would never fall.

You let out a breath as your heart sank deeper in your chest. "I'll put out the fire."

He didn't question you or even try to stop you. He simply let you do what you thought was best. Gathering his jacket and gun, he helped you to your feet, the furrow between his brows now set back in place. For a moment...he looked younger than his actual age. A man from the past peeked out, but nothing stayed the same for long.

Nothing good ever stuck.

"Once we get to the edge of the city we'll be out in the open for anyone to see." He slung his pack over his shoulder, handing you a knife to stick in your pocket as an extra precaution for what was to come. "You know I only have one rule darlin'."

Now felt like the perfect time to make a joke—to bring back his smile—but the serious tone of his voice lingered in the air. A reminder that you may be able to take care of yourself on your own, but traveling with Joel now meant you had his life to worry about too.

That alone was something you couldn't risk.

"Follow your lead."

He nodded. "We should be alright, but just in case stick close."

"I will." The idea that you'd stray far from him was ridiculous and he knew it, but the words had to be said. For his own peace of mind.

Somewhere in the middle of the trees there remained an old hiking path. A memoriam of the years that came before, and yet you couldn't picture tourists taking this road. Not even their footprints would survive twenty years of nature. No, this small but distinct path was carved by people traveling towards Boston. You liked to imagine that they made it eventually; that their lives went on in the QZ without issue. But reality always held a harsher reflection than you expected.

Twigs snapped beneath your boots as you trailed beside Joel, eyes set on what remained of the city skyline. Proof that humanity once lived on this planet.

"They'll be deeper inside the city lines," Joel said, dragging your attention away from the ruin. "It's likely there ain't been people for years. But we can’t be sure."

"No reason for activity then?"

He sighed, squinting his eyes against the blaring sunlight. "I'm not sayin' there'll be less. But we might not encounter them much if we’re lucky."

A small amount of relief spread through your chest, pushing against the constant fear that ate at your heart. Devouring it as if you were the meal it had been waiting for. A delicacy of the human body.

"Better than nothing."

He made a noise of agreement, taking the lead and heading deeper into the woods. Eventually they would become sparse, giving the both of you less coverage, until they disappeared altogether. Two decades was plenty of time for nature to reclaim parts of the city, but the cement and stone still remained. A permanent fixture of what used to be in front of you.

The city that used to never sleep, now forced to rest forever.

In the distance you swore you could hear the now familiar screech that haunted your dreams. But it was too far out for you to make out. So you followed Joel, the sun beating down on both of you even through the trees. Sweat stuck to the back of your neck, your fingers slippery on the trigger of your gun. And you both walked in silence—focused on your surroundings. Too anxious to even allow yourselves to whisper.

Yet with Joel it never felt like you were losing time.

How could you? When he was giving back what you lost.

No one else would do this. No one would bother to make sure that you got a chance to visit the city you dreamed about, the place where your future was supposed to be. But he would.

Joel would have given you the sun if you asked him to—if only to see you smile.

Your words from last night continued to rise to the surface, placing themselves on the tip of your tongue, and begging you to open your mouth. Yet as much as you wanted to stand atop the tallest building in the city and shout it from the top of your lungs, you knew you couldn't.

Those words remained hidden in your chest like a wound that could never truly heal. A gaping hole that forced you to bleed out each time you acknowledged its presence.

The sad part was that Joel wasn't the one to rip it open. He was simply someone who managed to stir it awake. He brought it to life with just one look. You started bleeding years ago with loss after loss, until eventually...you stopped trying to close it up with cheap booze and an even cheaper version of what you ached for.

What you needed to sustain you.

"You never told me," Joel said abruptly, shutting down those thoughts within seconds. "About your life."

You smiled despite the effort and lack of breath. "There's not much to tell."

"I doubt that darlin'." He fell into step with you, his hand brushing across yours gently, but even you knew holding hands wasn't a luxury you could afford right now. Not when you'd have to run at a moment's notice. "What was college like?"

Scoffing, you adjusted the strap of your pack. "Parties, hangovers, and lots of coffee."

"Sounds 'bout right."

"Why Joel Miller. Don't tell me you went to college."

He leaned into you, his shoulder hitting yours with enough force to throw you slightly off course. "I didn't. My brother Tommy did. Well...he enrolled."

"Ah yes. The infamous Miller," you joked, grabbing onto his arm to steady yourself.

He snorted, wrapping it around your waist instead. "I wouldn't call him that."

"Then tell me about him."

His eyes met yours, grief still pressing against the light that once was there, but you could see something else linger below. A sense of joy that only came when talking about his younger sibling. A relief that he had family still alive, still around for him to worry about. You knew the fear remained that one day...he might not have that person to worry about, that the world would remain just as cruel as before.

That thought hit you harder than you would have liked—the face of your own brother flashing in your mind. You couldn't save him. Shit, you barely even knew if he was still alive or dead. And that in itself was a different type of grief; a horror you wouldn't wish on anyone.

Least of all Joel.

"He was in the army."

A fallen tree came into view, blocking the path. Joel climbed over it first, grunting as he jumped down, his feet slamming hard when he landed. He took your hand as you went next, helping you go softer than him, checking with a glance to make sure you hadn't snagged yourself on the split wood.

You recall your own brother enlisting, although your mother used to claim you were too young to remember the day he left. But you could make out the hazy images of tear filled goodbyes and hugs that lasted longer than normal. He joined to find purpose. You understood that now.

"Nearly gave our parents a heart attack when he came home with the news." Joel huffed, his hand still clasped tightly around yours. "But Tommy was eighteen. And damn stubborn."

You tried to picture the other Miller as you did when Joel first mentioned him, yet still came up blank. They must look alike. Maybe the same nose, or jaw. No matter how hard you tried though, you could see nothing but a faceless man—a blank slate to the one Joel spoke of so fondly.

"He's younger than you?"

Joel nodded. "By a few years."

The thought of Joel trying to be a good role model for his brother made you smile. You wondered if they ever got into trouble together, if there were stories he might tell you one day when you finally found a safe place to live.

"So...he was the troublemaker of the family."

His gaze slid over to you, eyebrow arching slightly in faux surprise. "I wouldn't say that."

You grinned. “Let me guess…” Joel’s hand tightened around yours. “You were the responsible brother.”

“I had to be.”

“He sounds fun. Maybe I should have met him first.” Glancing to your side, you didn’t see as his face darkened. A look of something wild crossed his face, the painful grip on your hand bringing you back as he yanked you forward. “Joel—”

Unexpected. That is what you continued to feel each time Joel kissed you. Unexpected in his action, unexpected in the feelings he buried beneath the rubble of his heart. You felt yourself stumble into his chest, his lips sliding against your roughly, as he gave into that wild unknown sensation.

A hunger that consumed him quickly. Larger than anything he’d known before.

He exhaled, pulling away with reluctance, and you nearly moved forward to take back that fleeting euphoria. His thumb and forefinger pinching your chin lightly kept you in place. Until you opened your eyes—catching his gaze. Want burned in his iris—turning the deep brown a shade of black—but something darker peeked out, a possessive glint. A promise that you were his.

“Trust me darlin’,” he murmured, lips pulling up into a small grin. Your stomach fluttered rapidly at the sight of his eyes sliding down to your lips—his tongue running along his bottom lip. You wanted it in your mouth. “You’ve got the better brother.”

That remained clear the second you met him. But the tease still lingered in the air. A hint of irritation plucked at Joel’s heart as he thought about you and Tommy instead. If there’s one thing he knew it was this: Tommy would make you laugh as often as possible. He wouldn’t quit until he saw joy overtake the grief on your face. But something told him you needed more than humor.

Even as you looked at him like that—eyes soft and hazy with need—he still felt the innate need to prove himself. To show that he was it for you; that no matter what happened next, Joel was going to be yours.

His face darkened and you longed to peel away the layers of murkiness that hid his true feelings.

But that was the thing about Joel. He’d never show you outright what he kept beneath the surface—not unless he was telling you himself.

His hand took yours again, a small kiss pressed to your temple as he started walking. Towards a future so tangible you could almost feel it between your fingertips. How it ebbed and flowed despite the endless mountain ridges you were yet to traverse.

There was no telling where it dropped off. Where this future finally settled, but regardless of what happened, you’d remain. You would choose Joel over and over again, even if this path led to your death. As long as he was safe—as long as he survived. To you Joel was the only thing you could save—having given up on yourself years ago.

You were two broken souls, but given the chance, you’d piece him back together.

You could see that the path veered back towards the forest, probably to some old forgotten campgrounds. A part of you nearly asked him to head that way, but you stopped before you started. The realization dawned on you quicker than you would have liked. How many people never made it home? How many lost parts of humanity still remained in a place meant solely for joy?

A cold unsettling feeling burrowed its way into your stomach, nausea rising quickly to the surface. Everywhere you looked, death stared back with an empty gaze.

A promise already embedded too deep to remove.

This is how it was always meant to go. This is where it would always lead to.

Joel couldn’t see the terror stricken expression across your face. You were in too deep to ask him for a rescue anyways. So you simply remained. Entrenched in the thick darkness. Yet your feet still moved, your body still complied. He led you closer and closer to the outskirts of the city. And where you expected fear to arise, you found nothing but numbness.

An echo of pain that called out to you. How could you fear what you already knew? The infected were no longer the embodiment of your worst horror come to life.

No, that title now belonged to the man holding your hand so gently in his. Squeezing every few minutes in an act of unconscious reassurance. His fate, his life, it all twisted together until you could barely catch your breath.

He turned to glance at you over his shoulder, his lips curving into a soft smile, the lines around his eyes deeper than before. You nearly gasped as you were yanked out of the darkness, warm air brushing across your face. For those few seconds you felt the sunlight against your face. The worries melted away and this is what you were left with.

Pure broken love.

“Tired?” he asked, oblivious to the way you were drowning.

You grinned, moving closer. “Not really.”

“We got a few more hours.”

Perfect.

You didn’t say it aloud, but you could see the sentiment was reflected back in his eyes. He wanted this as much as you. Where the world only existed in time spent alone. Where nothing could harm you here in your infinite haven with him.

Returning his smile, you squeezed his hand softly, doing what you could to burn the feel of his calloused skin into your mind. Whether it took a few hours or a few days, you didn’t mind. As long as it was with him.

Silence.

That’s all you heard throughout a city once plagued by noise. Where thousands of people used to live—creating the hustle and bustle of the city that used to never rest, now an echoey hollowness remained. At last…the city was asleep. And you hated it.

Life should spill out of every crack and crevice of this place, but there was nothing. You felt as if you should grieve for what once was, but no emotions rose to the surface. Instead you were faced with a bottomless pit of something that once existed.

Joel’s hand was replaced with your weapons, his gun clutched tightly in his own grip. You remained on the outskirts, but that didn’t mean you were safe. If anything you were in more danger this out in the open. There should have been something by now. Yet it seemed that fate had a different idea altogether.

In a way, you were beyond thankful, but uncertainty still remained. A reminder that this would only last for so long. Fate offered what it could, and you took without a second thought. There would never be another chance like this—never another moment of peace.

Sweat stuck to the back of your neck as you walked, eyes scanning the area like clockwork. Joel was a few paces ahead, his body tense, finger on the trigger in case of the worst. You hoped it would never come. Neither of you spoke for fear that whatever remained in the abandoned buildings could hear you. The air was sticky with heat and you felt your body begin to dry out the longer the both of you traveled.

“We can rest up ahead,” he called over his shoulder as if your thoughts were projected to him.

“Do you know where we’re going?”

It’s not that you didn’t trust him—you did—but wandering in the city felt like a risk you shouldn’t be taking more than a trip of enjoyment.

“I’ve got an idea.”

You scoffed. “That’s helpful.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t trust me now Boston,” he drawled with a halfway grin across his face.

“It’s kind of late for that…Texas.”

“No shit.”

You did your best to hold back the laugh that bubbled to the surface, but there was no use. You couldn’t stop it now. Joel looked surprised for a split second, his lips parting into a wide smile, until he began to laugh with you. Deep and rough and perfectly Joel.

This. This is what you ached for most. Joy—no matter how small—in a time where the concept no longer existed. If you could bring that to each other even as you fought to survive then you’d be okay.

In the near distance you could see it, a small section of benches surrounded by nothing but overgrown bushes, flower patches, and trees that would have never been allowed to grow that tall. A sense of elation filled your chest at the sight of a park. So out in the open, so mundane in a city quickly being overtaken by nature. Ivy trailed up the buildings as if that alone kept the ruins together, but you’d never seen something so beautiful.

“I got some food left over,” he muttered, rummaging in his pack as you took a seat on a bench covered by vines. “Nothin’ much, but it’ll work till we dig up somethin’ else.”

You took it gratefully, taking in the area with wonder as you caught every small piece that might show a hint of the past. Shop signs were broken off, rubble scattered through the streets, and abandoned cars were lined up like barriers to the inside of buildings. Perhaps people had come through here before, trapping the infected inside as they made their way through the city quickly.

“Do you remember what it was like?”

He threw a quick glance over his shoulder, catching sight of the coffee shop sign you were fixated on—half of it gone and broken on the asphalt. Everything here had been destroyed over the years. Taken, ripped a part, and left to rot. Yet the cracks in the streets where plants grew told Joel that life still found a way to flourish. Even as darkness and cruelty became the figurehead of humanity.

“Loud,” he said, biting into the dusty granola bar.

You smiled, shifting to make room for him as he joined you on the bench. “So I’ve heard. The city that never sleeps. I guess it was named that for a reason.”

“People were crammed into every corner.” He pointed up to a building in the distance. Surprisingly it hadn’t collapsed yet. “I stayed there. Fourth floor.”

“Hotel?”

He nodded. “Expensive as shit.”

“That tracks.”

“But I had fun.” He grinned, eyes distant as if replaying moments of his past, reliving what it was like to be in this city at the height of its prime. “Tommy wanted to move here. After the army.”

“Did you…want to go with him?”

Joel huffed, eyes falling to his hands as he broke apart the granola bar—anxiety bleeding off his body and seeping into yours. “No. That life was his. Not mine.”

Counting in your head, you tried to calculate at what age Joel might have been when Tommy came home. What might have happened in his life. Until the conversation from earlier came back to you like a fist to your face. Sarah. You tried to picture him as a young dad, raising a little girl, and suddenly the gap between your years and his felt like a chasm you shouldn’t cross.

A split in the ground so deep you could see right down to the center of the Earth.

“And to think,” you replied, resting your chin on his shoulder. “I could have met you here.”

His laugh was shadowed by pain—grief he’d never let you see in its entirety. “You wouldn’t have gone for me.”

“That’s not true.”

“What with you bein’ a fancy museum worker?” He turned, his nose brushing against yours. “Gettin’ you to look twice at me would have taken some effort.”

You smiled, stealing a kiss. “You’re wrong. I’d have asked you out in an instant if I saw you. Maybe…in a bar.” His laugh was soft, raspy as if he’d been shouting for hours. “Or a park.”

“Yeah?” You wanted to keep his smile. “How would it go?”

“Well…” Pulling back, you pressed a finger to your chin, eyebrows pulling together as you pretended to lose yourself in thought. “I’d begin the conversation, because you’re not much of a talker.” He pinched your side, drawing out a laugh.

“And you’d say?”

Forcing your face into a stoic expression, you grasped his shoulders. “Excuse me sir. Are you a fan of country music?”

He snorted, his body shaking as he broke between your palms. Laughing so hard he nearly dropped his granola bar on the floor. If you closed your eyes, you could imagine the sounds of the city in the background. The echo of what could have been reverberating to you through the years.

This would be it. The moment you knew you were head over heels for the man sitting beside you.

This is where you’d start to plan a future.

“And you’d say…of course, I’m from Texas darlin’.” You did your best to morph your voice into his, but couldn’t get through it without smiling.

Joel cupped your chin, tugging your lips close enough to feel them brush across his—your heart now beating an unsteady rhythm in your chest. “Of course.”

“And I’d say…that’s funny. I’m from Boston.” Sadness seeped into your heart when he looked at you like that—as if you were the only person to exist on this planet. His hope. His lifeline. “And the rest is history.”

He pressed his lips against yours, stealing a kiss soft enough to crack off another splinter of your heart. “I like that version of history.”

“Me too,” you breathed, biting down hard on your bottom lip to keep the sting of tears at bay.

You could feel the pain in your feet begin to shoot through your lower back. Traveling steadily with each step. From what you could tell, the sun was dipping into mid afternoon, still early in the day, but late enough to cause worry. Staying in the city past nightfall didn’t bode well for either of you. Yet somehow…you were traveling deeper into the maze of fallen buildings and broken roads.

“Joel—”

He stopped in the middle of the road, his back straight and shoulders tense. You braced yourself for the worst, hands grabbing tightly onto the weapon clutched to your chest. A small chirp of birds sounded in the distance, animals echoing their sentiments back to the broken world around them. Yet nothing sounded dangerous enough to cause worry.

“What is it?”

Glancing back at you, he threw you a cautionary smile, head tilting as if to say join me. 

So you followed his instruction. Stepping around the cracks in the street to stand close, facing him as he looked at something behind you.

“We’re here.”

Confusion lined your face, worry filtering through your chest. “Where’s…here?”

“Turn around.”

His hands grasped your shoulders, shifting you until you were staring at the building he was. And for a moment you nearly laughed; claimed it was a good joke walking you nowhere. Only for your eyes to catch sight of the cracked and broken steps before you. Weeds grew between what still remained and the front was blown to shit, but you’d recognize this building even with your eyes closed.

The final destination in the path of your old future.

“The Met?” you whispered, eyes wide in awe at the sight of such a grand building torn to bits.

He pressed his lips to your ear. “Thought you might want to see it in person this time.”

Those three words you uttered last night, barely spoken at all, suddenly felt too small to describe the depth of what you felt. You didn’t just love Joel. You would die for him. You’d take any pain he harbored and carry it as your own. And you’d do all this…because he’d do the exact same for you. Love felt too little in the grand scheme of things.

How could you simply love someone who would bring you the future and lay it at your feet?

“Is it safe?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, tinged by awe.

“Probably not.”

“So we could die?”

“There’s a good chance.”

You smiled, tangling his hand in yours. “I think it’s worth it.”

“Yeah.” He squeezed your palm softly. “I do too.”

Carefully he led you up the steps. A walk that felt surreal after years of dreaming this exact moment. You knew one day you’d get here. Whether that was with a degree and a resume in your hand, or holding the hand of a man who saved you. You didn’t care, because finally…there you stood.

Ivy crawled up the sides of the building, the doors were no longer attached, and you felt as if you were walking into a different universe. The entrance that you’d seen in brochures and pictures somehow looked prettier this way; slowly being captured by the hands of nature. As she shifted the land of humans to her point of view.

The almost crystalline marble shone differently in the direct sunlight. Glancing up you caught sight of the hole in the ceiling. This building must have been affected by the bombing.

“I remember this part,” he said suddenly, an awestruck expression painted across his face. He looked like a young man again, taking his first visit to this grand old museum.

“This is called The Great Hall. And it was Richard Morris Hunt that was the architect on the project. One hundred years ago. Well give or take a few years.”

A stream of words left your mouth without a single thought. Explanations of the different parts that once existed, the historical references for how they were built. And for a moment you felt nineteen again. Fresh out of an art history class; the knowledge once again at the forefront of your mind.

All the while Joel watched with a glint in his eyes, silent to what you had to say, yet focused entirely on you. The museum wasn’t important to him. Hell he barely gave a shit about what used to be here. But something changed in your demeanor as you spoke about art and the history attached to it. You bloomed before his very eyes.

You came alive.

“I wonder if a few of the paintings are still around,” you murmured, eyes averting to one side of the room. “Could we…”

He nodded, readying his gun. “We can try.”

You expected this place to be crawling with infected. At least a few here and there, yet nothing but silence greeted you with each new room you entered. It became unnerving after a while. As if fate was waiting to drop the other shoe, tearing apart something already special.

Hesitation lingered in each step you took, fear crawling along your nerves like a spider, until you entered a room filled with paintings torn apart. Once upon a time it was a gallery, yet now the delicate pieces of history were nothing but a reminder of what happened.

Tucked away on a side wall, you found a painting still hanging. A small crack went through the top corner of the glass covering it, but as a whole the piece remained pristine enough to make out.

“You know that one?” he asked, following your quick pace through the room.

“Allegory of the Planets and Continents.”

“Allegory huh?”

You nodded. “Painted by Tiepolo in…1752.”

“I can’t say I’ve heard of him.”

“He did a lot of allegorical pieces.” You tilted your head, eyes tracing the intricate details that were nearly lost to time. Joel did the same. “I remember seeing this in a class presentation.”

He hummed, his gaze finding its way back to you. “And what does it mean?”

“A number of things really.” You pointed to the center. “That’s Apollo. And those are the gods as a representation of the planets. Mars, Jupiter, Venus. You know.”

“And them?”

You sighed. “Humanity.” His hand found its way towards yours, fingers twining together as you stood there. Alone in a museum together. “They’re waiting for Apollo to take to the skies and bring about the sun.”

“Seems like a lot of work for a God.”

The smile that crossed your face made Joel’s chest tighten. “I guess it was. Although it’s strange. Back then people were waiting for the sun and now…well now we wait for death.”

Pain flared in his heart quickly and without warning. But he did his best to force it down, steadying himself in your hold. Oh how he wished he could tell you the truth. About the past he had yet to accept as his own. About the bullet that never met its mark—the hand that remained unsteady even now.

“We should go soon,” you said, pulling him out of his own mind, and he nearly thanked you. “The sun will be going down eventually.”

He nodded. “Go out the way we came.”

It hurt to say goodbye to a building you’d never been in before. But that’s not where the pain stemmed from. You’d said goodbye to the prospect of what if a long time ago. You had to. This was from losing such a precious moment with Joel—a memory you’d hold onto for as long as you could. For that time…you were simply two people wandering the halls of a museum together. Finally on a date after so long traveling.

Maybe if you had met years before in a bar or in a park. You wouldn’t have to say goodbye.

The sunlight felt different back on the steps, brighter, crueler. As if Apollo was mocking you for such a small hope, such a small dream come to life. Yet even now you couldn’t blame him.

You headed back the way you came through the city. But your feet were weary, your body drooped with each step, and eventually you’d collapse on the asphalt just as the buildings once did. Joel could tell with each look he threw your way, checking to make sure you were in fact following him. He wouldn’t have put it past you to remain in that building.

To make a home with history.

“We can’t sleep here,” he said, pausing to let you catch your breath.

“I know. My feet just…”

He nodded solemnly, squinting against the sunlight. “Wait here.”

“Joel?”

There was no time to question his actions, because you were out of breath as it was, and he was moving further away quicker than you expected. Standing there in the middle of the street wasting sunlight turned your insides with every second that passed. Your eyes caught sight of him turning a corner before he vanished entirely from your sight. And you held onto the thin shred of sanity you had left in your body.

You trusted Joel. A fact truer than anything you’d known in your life.

So you waited, watched your surrounding areas, and held your breath. 

If you weren’t so unnerved by the silence, you might have found it enjoyable. Some peace before the two of you went in search of a QZ that may no longer be there. That thought never occurred to you—traveling with Joel kept you distracted enough to where you didn’t focus on the important things. The question that now picked at your heart.

What were you supposed to do if the QZ wasn’t there? Where would you go?

Blind faith is all that kept you going, but that never seemed to be enough. In the end you were left with nothing but disappointment. You’d run all out of faith when it came to the fates. The still healing wound on your side was proof enough of that.

The echo of dried leaves cracking beneath feet signaled to you that Joel must have returned. Whatever he was looking for must have been a bust. The smile on your face and tease right on the tip of your tongue died in moments as you turned. A rock falling to your stomach, filling you with dread.

Dried blood caked down the side of their face. A deep red now a rust brown; a stark contrast to the green moss that covered their torn clothes.

Every time you saw one you felt the punch to your gut grow stronger. As if lead embedded itself in your flesh. Again. Your breath came in short, eyes stuck staring at what was once a person. They stumbled forward, body twitching with every stunted shift. And you wanted to scream. Shout for Joel, but your mouth sealed itself shut, your body rooted to the ground beneath you.

The whole time you were aching for life to return to this city, you forgot. Life already existed here. Mangled and rotting and steeped in death.

But life nonetheless.

They turned, eyes glassy and empty, but somewhere in the depth of them they recognized that you were alive. Your heart pounded against your chest, louder than their fucking screech. It pierced right through your skin, a slice to the already existing wound.

You clutched Joel’s gun, finger sliding along the trigger. It was easy enough to pull, to set the bullet flying towards its mark. And you should have pulled it, should have watched as they dropped, but like an idiot…you hesitated.

Why the fuck did you hesitate?

A pause of silence filled the space, echoing louder than any gun could have, before time slowed before your very eyes. How fucking stupid of you. To think you’d be safe. They clocked your shift back, head twitching, before that horrifying click you’d come to hate echoed in your ears. You were dead the second they started to run, limbs flying and body thrashing, as if the control stemmed to one part.

One sole purpose.

Infect.

“Fuck!” you shouted, ignoring the ache in your feet as you sprinted in the direction Joel disappeared to. If you were lucky he was still there.

Yet life had a way of proving to you that luck had nothing to do with why you remained alive.

“Joel!” You gasped for breath, doing what you could to ignore how they sped up behind you, their screech somehow louder as it echoed off the buildings around you. “Joel!”

If you could get the upper hand you could put a bullet in their skull, but your thought process happened too late. Glancing over your shoulder, you were blinded by their body launching at you. Toppling you to the ground as they scratched for your face, any part of you they could sink their teeth into. You don’t remember screaming, or even calling Joel’s name. You simply fought. You tugged on the loose thread of pure fucking rage that called your name—screamed for you to do survive.

“You piece of shit!” you yelled, managing to hold them off with your forearm, your fingers grappling for the knife attached to your side. “You fucking animal!”

“Boston!”

Yanking it out, you nearly cried in relief as you jammed it into their neck, shoving it in deep enough to hear a crunch as it met bone. Satisfaction pulled at your chest. You didn’t stop there. Dragging it out, you sliced through their shoulder, their throat, any part of them you could reach. Until you were no better than the monster that now lay above you. Lifeless.

Hands came out of nowhere, grasping onto their corpse and shoving it off you. You nearly took a swing at the person above you, the red fury blinding you to anything that could have existed nearby. The feral piece of your heart—the survivor—had been set in motion and they called for blood.

Joel’s hands yanked the knife out of your clutch, his voice calling your name, and for a moment you felt lost to the depths of your own fury. You would have killed him if he wasn’t fast enough to dodge that knife.

“Boston!” He pressed you to the ground, his body sitting on your waist, hands keeping your wrists together. “Baby it’s me.”

The breath in your lungs escaped in a sharp gasp, your body stilling within seconds. Only a few times in your life had you succumbed to that raw emotion that scratched and clawed at your chest. Some days you claimed it kept you alive. Others you ignored its existence in the hopes that it would disappear for good. It was the darkness you refused to see—the one thing you wouldn’t accept about yourself.

“You’re okay,” he mumbled, releasing the hold he had on your hands in order to cup your face. “It’s dead. It’s gone. You killed it.”

You let out a shaky breath. “Why…did you leave?”

Leaning forward he pressed his forehead to yours, his breath hot across your chin. “I’m sorry darlin’. I keep doin’ that.”

Inhaling his breath, you did what you could to regulate your heart. “And I keep nearly dying.”

He grinned, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips. “Nearly. Not if I got a say in the matter.”

Dirt covered your back as he helped you to your feet, and before you could shake it off, he brushed his hands along your body. Patting it off as best he could. The act shouldn’t have brought tears to your eyes, it shouldn’t have even been noteworthy. But the tenderness behind his touch reminded you what you could have lost.

“I want an explanation,” you said, your voice thick with tears. Thankfully he chose to ignore it.

“I found somethin’.” He pointed to a shop that held no sign, no indication that it was anything before this. “You might like it.”

You struggled to put the knife back in its place—still wary and on edge. “This better be good Texas. I didn’t almost die for nothing.”

Joel didn’t respond, but you caught the flash of something crossing his face. Dark enough to cause worry. And you wanted to ask, to prod and poke at what he was keeping to himself, but the way his fingers tightened on his gun told you enough. He didn’t like to think of you that way. Dead on the ground in a city that he brought you to. A trip that was meant to be filled with joy.

“Follow me,” he stated, pushing open that already broken door.

You half expected to see a shop, something frivolous from the past, but the sight of a garage nearly stopped you in your tracks. A dusty brown cover cloaked something in the middle, but the shape was familiar enough to light up your chest. A car. Joel tugged at the cover, kicking up dirt and whatever else lay atop, but you couldn’t care less.

It’s once beautiful dark red color looked aged with however long it had been here. Never one to know cars, you simply knew that it was expensive—a thing that would have cost the entirety of your tuition at one point.

“How…” you breathed.

“Saw the logo on the window,” he replied. “I figured it was a hardware store until I came in.”

“Does it work?”

He shrugged. “Probably not.”

You deflated slightly. “Can we…fix it?”

The sun was going down faster than you would have liked and Joel knew it. He could see how you were both losing time the longer you were there. But the prospect of having an escape kept him on the edge. His grim expression made the choice for you as you moved to pop the hood. Your bag, now discarded on the floor by his feet.

“I don’t know much about cars—”

“Lucky you got me.”

“Don’t tell me. You’re a contractor who knows cars?”

Joel huffed. “Someone had to help my brother fix up his shitty truck.”

The words were good enough for you as he moved you out of the way, ducking down to peer at the engine. His shirt tugged up his back as he leant forward, his skin coated in a sheen of sweat. If it were any other time and the prospect of this car working didn’t depend on life or death, you would have sat back and admired him.

But the edge from earlier still ran through your veins, adrenaline the only thing that kept you upright and stable. Joel worked silently, cursing under his breath every now and then. Only speaking to ask for certain tools. And you watched the sun begin to dip lower. Suddenly you found yourself regretting never taking auto shop in high school. Choosing wood shop over it in a heartbeat.

“Turn her over,” he said, wiping the sweat away from his neck. You felt warmth pool in your stomach at the sight.

Jamming the screwdriver into the ignition, you turned it slowly, hope cresting at the top of your chest. Only for the sputter of an engine to die out in seconds.

“Shit,” he muttered, glancing back at the work he’d put in. “The battery ain’t dead yet and I fixed everythin’ else. Try again for me darlin’.”

You repeated the motion, pressing down on the gas pedal, clutching the wheel in your hand. Whether it was you attempting to force life into the car, or sheer fucking luck, you’d never know. But the echo of the engine roaring to life flooded you with enough relief you fell back into the seat with a smile.

“Joel?”

He looked up, a smile of pride across his lips. “Yeah baby?”

“Let’s get the fuck out of New York.”

Nodding, he tossed your bag into the backseat as you let him slide into the driver's seat. “I like the sound of that.”

The calm of the forest welcomed the both of you with open arms. As if promising the rest you ached for desperately. Miles and miles of trees—of different shades of green and brown—were softly illuminated by the sun steadily dipping in the sky. In an hour or less night would be upon the world and this day, no matter how special, would have to come to an end.

You tried not to think about it; the idea of having to say goodbye to something you’d cherish. What would keep you going if Joel and you were to ever part. What you wouldn’t do to keep the sun in the sky for a while longer. Give up a few years of your own life, of the future you planned with hope filled eyes and empty hearts.

If staying here—in this moment—was an option, you wouldn’t hesitate to jump at the chance.

Joel slammed the trunk of the car shut, a small box of cans he found buried in the back of the garage, clutched in his hands. Despite the prospect of all this eventually ending, you caught the hint of a smile on his lips. Barely there, yet bright enough to light up your heart like a match being struck.

You found yourself smiling back—heart hammering loudly in your chest.

“We’ve got…” He raised a can covered in dents and coated in a thick layer of dust. “‘M gonna assume it’s soup.”

“Lovely,” you laughed, your face twisting up in disgust as he tossed it to you.

The dust was sticky beneath your fingers, as if something had spilled across it years ago. You figured it was best not to question more than necessary. Settling on the ground, you plunged your knife into the cover, taking a hesitant whiff of something probably expired past saving. Much to your surprise though, a pungent scent of tomatoes greeted you.

“Raviolis,” you exclaimed, delight scrawled across your face.

You wished you could have seen Joel’s eyes go soft, seen the way he practically melted at the expression of joy you wore. Joel Miller remained hard as stone to the rest of the world, but in moments like this, when peace was prominent and life gave way to something other than pain. He allowed himself to feel. For a bit…he was the man he might have been a decade ago.

“Good enough for me.”

Prying the lid off, you watched as he set up stones for a small enough pit. You were far enough in the forest that it would take people several hours to get to you. Far enough away from civilization of any kind. What remained in the city, the bits and pieces left behind, would never be enough to build what used to exist. Like it or not…that part of the world had come to a close.

The chapter sealed and signed off with enough blood to keep it shut forever.

“Thank you,” you said softly as he struck a match from the small box you kept in your pack. “For today.”

He grinned, glancing down at his hands that fiddled with a stick. “Was nothin’ really. You wanted to see the city and we were heading this way—”

“Joel.” Cupping his face, you shifted his shining brown eyes until they were upon your face. Gazing at you with a look he’d never shown you before. “You gave me a day I’ll never forget.” He chuckled, grasping onto your waist gently. “Thank you.”

Those two words didn’t seem like enough to get your message across. You wanted to do the same for him. To give him something he’d remember, but nothing felt enough.

He pulled you closer. “Would have been better if you didn’t get attacked.”

“Well…” You looped your arm around his neck. “I knew what I was getting into when I chose you.”

Something shifted in the air between you the second he led you up those cracked and broken museum steps. The front of the building had been blown clean off by bombs, but you’d recognize it anywhere. The place where your future once led to. A home in your heart for so long. A dream not yet come to life. Joel took care to lead, to put himself in harm's way to keep you safe. But it was more than that.

He gave you time to look.

To take back a part of your past you never got to have.

An act that he’d never be able to do. He couldn’t go back, couldn’t take anything from his past that hadn’t already been destroyed. The watch on his wrist was all he’d keep. But you…he could give this to you. He could heal something in your heart you didn’t even realize was broken.

“I’d do it again,” he murmured, lips sliding along the inside of your wrist, nose pressed to your palm.

Your heart ached for him; body burned for him. And in the lowlight of the sun, you found your hope in him. It glimmered softly, barely within reach, but Joel had kept it for you all this time. He made sure to protect what you couldn’t—what you had given up.

“Kiss me,” you whispered, catching his quickly darkening gaze. “Please.”

The crackle of the flames couldn’t hide his small groan of pleasure as his lips met yours. What he intended to be soft, reverent in a way he’d never been before, shifted rapidly. His hand slid up your body, fingers wrapped gently around your throat to keep you in place. To help him devour you a bit deeper. That alone sent a flutter to rush through your entire body, your fingers digging into his wrist, silently begging for him to press down tighter.

To cut off the air he exhaled into your lungs.

“You got no idea—” He sucked in a breath when your lips met his throat, teeth nipping at the salty skin. Red bloomed beneath the surface as you went, small marks and bruises to prove that he wasn’t dreaming. That this trip was real—that you were real.

He growled, fingers tightening around your throat to pull your lips back to his, a rough breath exhaled into your open mouth. “No idea what you do to me darlin’.”

Sticky warm wet heat spilled into your stomach, flooding your already damp panties. The can was forgotten on the edge of the pit, his touch far more enticing than a few meager pieces of food. If you could survive on one thing alone, you’d want it to be him. You would train your body to sustain itself on his touch, his tongue sliding along yours, his fingers digging into your skin.

He’d become your oxygen, your reason for living.

“I-I do.” You gasped as his teeth dug into your throat, hands quickly stripping you of your flannel. Helping him, you yanked at your shirt, discarding it to the side. Nothing mattered but the feel of his tongue tracing along your skin—the hot mix of his touch and spit made you dizzy. “You do the same to me.”

A soft grunt was muffled into your chest, his hips rising up to grind against something. To gain what little friction he could.

In the midst of kissing him, he managed to drag you into his lap, your knees pressed to the forest floor on either side of his hips. Your body, as close as you could get with clothes in the way. You could feel the heavy press of him against your thigh and clenched around nothing. The needy emptiness that slammed into your body was nearly too much, but you held onto what little fragments of sanity still remained.

You clung to the bits of yourself he wished to consume, knowing the consequences of what might come afterwards.

But how could you give a fuck about consequences when his touch lit you up like the fire to your left? How could you care about anything else? When his lips wrapped around your peaked nipple and sucked at it as if you were his source of life.

His hands slid up your back, skin hot wherever he touched, as he pulled you down into his lap a bit more. Enough to feel the familiar press of his cock straining against his jeans. The sun was nearly gone now, light bleeding through the branches of the trees, and you let the warmth consume you. You relished in its burning caress as he worshiped your skin with his mouth, his hands that had spilled blood for you.

“Need to be—” He bit off with a sharp moan as you rolled your hips down, giving him the pressure he needed. “Fuck keep doin’ that.”

You were desperate for him and you weren’t afraid to admit it to yourself. The infatuation bordered on obsession, but if you were to say that about him he’d finally have to admit the same to you. He’d have to crack open his chest, bleed through your fingers like sand, and allow you to dig your way to his heart. As if you were conducting an autopsy on his body—picking a part each dark piece that he was ashamed to hold onto.

“Touch me,” you whined, digging your fingers into his hair as he dug his into your hips. A burning bruising touch that left you needy.

He grinned, pulling at the button of your pants. “I am touchin’ you darlin’.”

“You—fuck, fuck, fuck—” His fingers slid through your slick, finding their way to the parts of you he’d memorized in such a short time. Your clit practically throbbed beneath his touch, body shuddering as he circled it with enough pressure to electrify your nerves. “Yes.”

“That’s what you want?” The question was irrelevant. He knew this better than you, but that wasn’t what he was asking.

Is this enough? This quick fuck beside a fire as you both hid the real reason. Was his touch, his kiss, enough to show the truth?

Was he enough?

You choked out a soft yes, your lips finding his in a sloppy spit slicked kiss, and his fingers became insistent in their determination to watch you break. Joel had become addicted to the sight. His very own guilty pleasure—yet how could he feel guilty about something so angelic? How could he repent for a sin that he’d give up everything for? What was the point of worshiping at an altar when heaven existed between your thighs?

Eventually his fingers wouldn’t be enough. For either of you. But he was focused on one thing, feeling your pussy spill along his palm. He sunk two fingers into you knuckle deep and smiled as your head fell back, a throaty moan echoing off the trees. You grinded against his hand, fingers tugging at the hair on the nape of his neck. And this was enough.

“Prettiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” he murmured, hand still placed around your throat. His cock leaked as it constricted with your swallow and images of what he’d look like in your mouth flashed in his mind.

“M-More—” You gasped, your clit dragging along the heel of his calloused palm.

But you had begged for something else and Joel was never one to deny you. He ripped at your pants as you did the same with his, your lips messy and rough against his. You swallowed his moan the second your cold hand wrapped around his throbbing cock—precum sliding down your palm as he did his best not to finish there and then. He was so fucking wound up that this would be over before it began.

Neither of you cared.

“You’ve gotta know,” he rasped, gripping onto your bare hip as you hovered directly over his cock. Your pussy practically dripped onto him.

“Know what?” you sighed, sliding him through your slick.

He squeezed his eyes shut to the sight of you. The shine of firelight and sunlight played against your skin and Joel felt his body tighten painfully. The view alone nearly made you double over in pleasure, your breaths coming in short gasps as he fought to finish on the front of your pussy.

“That I—” He gasped as you began to sink down onto him, encasing him that sticky heat he’d begun to think was the cause of his demise. He’d never be able to live without this. Without getting to carve his way into your body. “Fuck darlin’.”

You grinned, cupping his chin and pulling his attention back. “I’ll go slow.”

“You don’t have to take it easy on me.”

“Seems like I might.”

A rumble started in the base of his chest, lips curving up as he caught your mouth in a searing kiss you felt down to your toes. The grip on your throat tightened as you began to move slowly, letting him pull out of you slow enough to cause madness to rise in your chest. Like a burn you refused to let go of. Joel had other ideas. He yanked you down with enough force to drag out a high pitched cry from your chest, your mouth falling open in a silent scream when he set his own pace.

Quick and fast and filthy enough to sign your name on hell’s roster. He wanted to fuck himself into your body so deep he was buried there. Wanted to paint your insides until you were leaking him all morning. He wanted to etch himself into your soul.

Permanent and without shame.

“C’mon darlin’.” His teeth dug into your jaw, pain slicing through the pleasure deliciously. “Let me hear ya.”

You curled into him, meeting him thrust for thrust as he pounded up into you. “‘S good,” you gasped, coherency going right out the window.

He grinned, tugging at your throat. “You can do better than that.”

Words faintly entered your mind before disappearing seconds later as he tilted your hips slightly. You scratched at his chest when his cock struck right where you needed him. Right where your mouth began to form words you fought so hard to keep at bay. Words that revealed too much, gave a window into your heart, and if you had the capability you’d shut your fucking mouth. But it was far too late for that.

“You like that?” he groaned, teeth digging into his plush bottom lip as he kept the angle. The veins on his neck were strained, begging for you lick at them, and you dipped down to distract yourself from the words.

The one thing that seemed to catch his attention.

“What was that?”

You whined, wrapped an arm around his neck as you dragged your hips along the coarse hair at the base of his cock. “Nothing,” you mumbled, sucking at his neck.

Only for him to pull you off by your throat, his lips hovering over yours. “What’d you say?”

“I—” You clung to him, begging for the truth to sink back into your chest. But he was staring at you with dark eyes and a parted mouth begging for you to kiss it. He looked at you as if you were ethereal and for that small moment, you believed it. “I love you.”

He sucked in a sharp breath, his hips stuttering in their movement. You watched his eyes go wide, understanding finally dawning across his features, and you prepared yourself for the worst. You waited for him to reject you. The words never came. He pulled you into a kiss, tongue sliding along yours, as he sped up his thrusts. Grunting into your mouth with each one—his body taut and begging for release.

“Yeah?” he panted into your mouth. You nodded, feeling the burn of pleasure begin to flash white behind your shut eyes.

“So much,” you sobbed, tears spilling down your cheeks. Something pulled tight in your stomach, building with each stunted move of his body against yours. You needed it, would beg on your knees for it, and Joel was right there with you.

His dark gaze met yours as he finally released your throat in favor of finding your clit. “Say it again.”

Heat rocketed up your spine as you locked down around his cock, his fingers insistent and rough. “I love you!” you cried, trembling in his hold. Those three words you’d been so afraid to say out loud finally spilled free over and over and over again. Until you couldn’t hear them anymore over the loud rush in your ears.

He slammed his hips up one last time, lips finding yours in a bruising kiss, and found his own peak. Spilling into you with a moan, his arms wrapping around your waist to keep you pressed up close. You wondered if he feared you’d vanish before his very eyes.

“I love you,” he sighed, his forehead pressed to yours, eyes shut to your own wide gaze.

The words didn’t register at first, simply flying directly over your head. Yet as silence wrapped around your entwined bodies, sunlight disappearing over the last of the trees, you finally understood. No orgasm could match the absolute bliss that filled your body at the echo of his voice forming those words. Of their soft cadence. He was hesitant to look at you, to face what could finally break him, but your hands cupping his face drew him out of his own mind.

“Say it again,” you whispered, smiling so bright your cheeks ached. “Please.”

Before you could bask in their beauty, he was pulling away. Digging into his pack that lay behind him. You wanted to stop him, bring him back to this current moment, but the glint of something gold caused you to freeze. The breath once again caught in your chest.

For the first time you saw Joel grow nervous. Almost bashful as he lifted his hand and allowed a small green jewel on a gold chain to dangle between the both of you. The last of the sunlight glinted off the emerald and for some reason it reminded you of him. How it shone in those rare moments when light caught it just right. Yet held a darkness to it, a hidden truth yet to be revealed.

“I love you,” he said, pressing the necklace into your palms. “I always will darlin’.”

Tears dripped onto his hands as you clutched the dainty piece of jewelry to your chest. “Oh Joel.”

“It’s not a ring—”

You silenced him with a tear filled kiss, salt spilling across his tongue. He did what he could to wipe them away, but like it or not there seemed to be no end in sight. Not when your heart finally latched onto all those broken pieces you thought were lost. Joel did the one thing you never thought possible. He healed you.

“It’s enough.” You smiled into his kiss, the necklace digging into your palm—carving its shape into your skin. “You’re enough.”

You could see it now. The path your future led to. Not a building, or a job, or even a home. The end of your path—your grand plan—would always and forever lead to him.

[frogoru]

been thinking about moxie and thalia a lot recently and stuff they would do together... i don't think thalia would wear makeup or have much cosmetic knowledge before she meets moxie, and even after that, i still think she'd go for a natural look most of the time. but!!!!! moxie would definitely help her branch out and get into that stuff when she does feel like it, though. i can imagine moxie coming over with her makeup bag and just sitting with thalia as she rambles on and on about different products and what role they play in the overall process. thalia would be really confused with everything at first, but she'd get the hang of it as time goes on and she experiments with it more.

i always label nattie as the #1 character i project onto, but thalia has an almost equal part when it comes to that thing. i used to be really awkward and shy, and i feel like i kinda separated those 2 traits and gave them to both nattie and thalia respectively hahaha!!!!! moxie is also largely based on a close friend i've known for like 10+ years now (not related to the relationship issues stuff). when i was thinking about the makeup thing, it reminded me of my friend recording videos of her makeup routine so i could learn from them. i've always viewed her as this really confident girl who knows what's she's doing and kinda has it all figured out regarding how to present herself. i feel like my friendship with her kinda reflects how i think moxie and thalia's more platonic interactions would play out.

i don't really use the labels to describe them much, but thalia is demisexual and moxie is demiromantic. their weird little situationship antics don't start until after they've bonded and grown super close. i think thalia would have the same perspective of moxie that i tend to have with my friend; this perfect, untouchable girl that just... knows what to do all the time. you feel me?? thalia isn't that insecure, but she's still super socially awkward. she'd see how extroverted and socially adjusted moxie is and kind of idolize her in that regard. as they start to hang out one on one, i think that "perfect woman" facade would kind of fade and result in her seeing moxie in a more realistic lens. yeah, moxie does well in most social situations, but she's still a flawed individual regardless of that, and i think accepting that would bring them closer together since moxie wouldn't need to keep up that image in front of her.

i feel like i have a good idea of how flawed i want moxie to be, but i haven't really sat down and established them with myself fully. they've just been vague concepts i think about and then immediately forget because i'm doing other things when they come to mind </3 i think keeping up her image would be important to her though. really important. i wouldn't call her a people pleaser, but i still think having people like her is something she'd be very particular about. i also think this would kind of play into her promiscuous tendencies. while it's not the main thing that drives them, i still think her appearance and the sort of expectation her mannerisms set up for some people she interacts with leads her feeling obligated to sort of fulfill those ideals. does that make sense? idk it's 5 am and i haven't slept. but like yeah. she also craves intimacy that people get from relationships as well so she kind of uses casual hookups to fill that void as well. her libido affects things too but like smh that part is obvious.

[prince-simon]

Hi I was reading one of your fanfics and I came across this bit "he felt trapped, and scared, and was reminded of the times this would happen to him as a child, touch starved but scared to be touched" and I have never related to anything more. Do you know what that is? I'm sorry I'm only asking because I hope you know more about it than i do as you included it. Is it normal? Sorry for bugging you, it's ok if you don't know. Also your fanfics are AMAZING and have brought me a LOT of comfort

hi friend! first of all, i totally had to go through my recent fics to figure out which one you're referring to hahaha

but okay. story time! (disclaimer: the story sounds very scary in the beginning, and i'd be lying if i said it was comfortable but i decided to tell the whole story to hopefully give you some comfort? so. content warning for a bit of medical talk and medical conditions and mental health stuff under the cut)

so this whole thing about wille's legs/body spasming when touched (unexpectedly) is actually taken from personal experience. i haven't always had it, not that i know of at least, but there was a point when i was maybe. 16? maybe a bit younger? where i got slight tremors in my legs and over one or two weeks it just got more intense so my parents set up an appointment with our family doctor who referred me to a neurologist where i got a brain scan and everything. bc i - and my parents - went to the worst case scenario which to me was like wondering if this was some form of parkinson's disease i was developing (the thing i remember most about this is that we waited in the neurologist's waiting room for four hours even though we had an appointment only to be in the actual office with the doctor for like. 5 minutes) my brain scans came back fine and i guess i was too young to fully pay attention or understand what the doctor was saying but he's a doctor so he went with the natural solution of prescribing me meds. i ended up taking beta blockers for idk how long which worked for a bit to suppress the symptoms before the tremors came back. the doctor upped the dosage and again. it worked for a bit but i and my parents were like. am i gonna have to take these for the rest of my life? what's going on? i didn't wanna do this so my mum suggested going more of a natural route so we tried homeopathy. that guy slowly weaned me off the meds and instead gave me a bit of therapy which. lo and behold. helped. again. for a bit. at least i didn't have the tremors frequently anymore

in hindsight, i now know that it's very likely a symptom of anxiety and overstimulation in moments where my whole body just gets overwhelmed - i've had social situations in which i had just socialised so much and was also just really tired where a close friend would touch me and i'd just start spasming and just generally when i'm in stressful situations it can happen. sometimes it happens when i'm driving and something unexpected happens which is a fucking grim time bc i kinda need my legs for driving lol

so uh yeah. this was a lot of rambling i'm sorry. but tldr; for me personally those tremors are anxiety related

i hope this helped! you're also always welcome to slide into my dm's if you wanna talk more about this/your own experiences

either way i'm glad my stories bring you comfort!

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Sorry it's just one of those times where I'm high/drunk/alone in the world/surrounded by people who came here with their squad and I'm here solo / off work but working tomorrow/ anyway I'm gonna ramble for a minute

Ate half a gummy earlier, 3 beers so far / thinking like at this rate I might need to get more beer at some point this weekend /also have tea and whiskey so might break that out at some point; hoping my friend shows up and camps with me but also feeling like she might choose to go elsewhere and that's fine, I'm seasoned with the solo-fest vibe, would be reconnect with that energy, at the same time would be nice to camp/fest with homies for once; idk I realize I've had weird vibes and there's always the potential that weird vibes resurface this weekend, idk I'm overthinking it hahaha god I love weed I wish I had some herb to smoke, like gummies are chill and seemed less intimidating to travel cross country with a large stash haha but dang wish I could smoke some actual herb rn :) thinking about asking someone for KJ's number and seeing if he knows anyone selling out here; also low-key want an excuse to hang out with him outside of work bc he's always a bossman at work but I like his vibe and want to get to know him better; at the same time he's friends with R, I was talking to R on the phone last night and he mentioned that he had talked to KJ about our situation/his feelings about the situation etc; like I don't think I'm feeling anything romantic towards KJ more just a platonic curiosity but at the same time maybe a lil bit of spicy feelings??? Idk what I mean by that haha. Thinking about L and how I'm gonna see him at the next gig and feeling awkward/anticipation about it, excited but nervous, navigating the work environment, etc.

Thinking about: I'm just ME living my Life bro I can't be worried about what a man is thinking/feeling about me and I said all that to him (R) last night and he sounds like he's got his own shit he's going through and we're both just healing trauma from past relationships and it's all gonna work out!!!! This is part of the fun, this is part of the challenge!!!!!

Update I just opened beer #4 :) thinking about: bossman for this gig, can I even call him "bossman" ?? Like technically yes that's his role but he's doing a very medium job at it, honestly 100% I know I could do better and I very rarely feel that way about anything haha. Anyway he came by to give me my dinner ticket today (bc I had to text him and remind him and he came like 20 minutes late lol) and gave me a big compliment on how good I am at working and complimented my campsite and then asked for a cigarette lmfao idk the people-pleaser in me is always thrilled to be complimented about both those things (work ethic + campsite vibes) + happy to share a cigarette bc I brought extra :)

OK UPDATE HOMIES JUST INVITED ME TO GO ADVENTURE IM GONNA DO IT HELL YEAH

[outworldletters]

Morning, Sunshine!

Are you reading this just as you wake? Or getting ready to hit the sack? Either way, you light up my world, so I'm gonna kick off these letter thingies like this! Darkness ain't a thing when you're on my mind!

Aww, I got kinda sappy. But shhh, keep it on the down-low, alright? I am a total tough cookie. A badass oni-cookie!

I'm gonna write to you every day when you're away. So, if this ever bugs you, you better keep me closer.

Look, the thing is, I know you want to paint instead of burying your pretty face in books. So, I thought, maybe I could paint your beautiful smile in a way only this Oni-king can? So, what do ya say? Do you want to hear a story?

There was once a tarantula, living alone and minding her business in a dark corner.

If you were a little critter, what do you think you would be? You look all soft and fluffy like a moth, and strong and fierce like a big ol' tarantula. Yeah, I know, it's weird. They're both bugs, but you remind me of a mix of both.

What?! But tarantulas are beautiful and elegant! And it's not all about looks. They're calm and quiet like you, but will attack if threatened. And... Yeah, I think it's still a compliment.

I'm my own sorta of spider, ain't I? I weave words into a web that catches a cutie like you!

I'm sorry, that was bad. Hahaha.

Anyway! I was telling you a story.

The little tarantula was a pretty tough girl, but sometimes even the best of us wish we had someone to talk to and share our troubles. So, this little spider decided to give herself a little challenge: she'd use her skills to make two gifts, and then offer them to the first person she met.

The first gift was a fluffy blanket of her finest silk, soft as soft can be... and the other was the most fiddly poison.

Well, the first person that met little Miss Tarantula took the bait of the soft, fluffy blanket, thinking it was the greatest gift ever given. So, he went back to her cozy corner, tucked himself into the blanket and was lulled to sleep, never to wake up…

But, the second person to meet up with her... chose the bite. And even if it made them sweat and shake and want to scream, it cured them all of their woes and worries. They could finally live free, free of all fear and pain.

The point is, sometimes what appears as the greatest thing ever isn't really what you need; what you need isn't always what it looks like. It's about making a choice between what looks like the most comforting, perfect thing in the world, or picking something scary but necessary to move forward.

It's about knowing what you really need and making that call, not settling for something just because it looks safe. I get that, y'know? I get it, Sunshine.

I am not angry or sad because you left.

You didn't want to make that choice... But you did, didn't you? You took the bite. I know you're worried about whether we made the right call. But I have no doubts.

I'm proud of ya. You're brave, for leaving everything you know and choosing to honor your Vision.

Listen, the distance is hard on both of us, no doubt about it. But you, me, us? We got this. There ain't nothing keeping us apart. Not when our bond is this strong.

After all, if you were not strong enough to take the bite, you would never choose to date me either. So I am glad this is who you are.

It ain't everyone's jam to date an Oni, y'know? But it's the rough parts of me that make you laugh and get excited, isn't it? Like the first time you met me and I showed you my collection of beetles, and they started crawling all over you. But anyways, I'm rambling.

The thing is, the tarantula from that story? Yeah, I don’t like her a bit.

That little spider was trying to trick that second person into showing trust, right? That's why she did that whole “bite or blanket” routine. It was almost like she cared about what people thought more than making her own choices.

You and I, we choose to be vulnerable to each other, no matter what. I'm never afraid to admit my fears or to tell you when I'm feeling hurt or upset. And you can always tell me what's bothering you, so we can work together and figure it out. Right?

I gotta tell ya, I was scared, too, when I knew you had to leave. I was worried sick that once you got settled with your new studies, you'd forget all about me.

It's just my paranoia, y'know? It's the thought that I'll wake up one day, and you'll suddenly tell me about a more attractive, more... polished guy you met at school. And... that you wouldn't want to be with the guy with the horns and the fangs after all.

Even just writing about it makes me sick to my stomach, it's just-

Do you think I'm too rough around the edges for you? Am I holding you back?

I mean, you're a smart person going off to a big school and learning so much, and what do I bring to the table? A big heart? A loud mouth? It just feels like there's something inside you that needs much more than what I can offer.

I am not like that tarantula at all. That's cuz I'm me. I don't need to try to trick people or test them to make them take a bite from me. What you see is what you get from me.

And what I offer you is love, Sunshine. A love you wouldn't have to look hard to find. I wouldn't try to trick ya into showing you my affection. I can be rough, or I can be gentle, but it's always honest.

All your quirks, your insecurities, your talents, I would love every bit of it. And I would do my best to keep your chin up when you're feeling down. I wanna be the one you come to with good news, and the one who comforts you when you're feeling lonely. And most of all, I want to make you smile.

You're gonna do great. You'll make new friends and make all these dreams of yours come true. You'll keep growing, learning, taking the risks you want to take. If it ever gets tough, remember, I'm right here. I'll be your comfort cushion, your warm blanket. I'll be whatever you need, right? Just tell me, and I'll be there, okay?

I guess in the end, it's just about showing your heart, no tricks or tests, no tests or traps... Just being honest and loving, huh? Heh, and it ain't so complicated after all. But hey, if you'll allow it, please accept this gift.

The softest blanket ever: my strong arms!

You can always count on me. Even if I'm far away, it's so easy to make it feel like I'm holding you in my arms all over again.

Just remember... I will never, ever let you walk alone.

Arataki “horns over heels for you” Itto

[luvrodite]

on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you love jason (giving you a free little ask to talk about the things that make him so special to you :))

i saw this ask in my inbox when i woke up this morning and then fell asleep again because finals apparently tuckered me out a lot more than i thought but i fell asleep with a warm heart nonnie thank you :’) i’m giving you a kiss on the cheek <3 this is so so so sweet of you :(((

i’m not sure how to describe what makes him The Blorbo ever for me honestly because it’s been so long and even though it’s a constant thing i’m always kind of shifting on what draws me to his character. i think right now and probably always it’s the way the person he ‘was’ is compared to who he is now.

i like the idea that i’ve seen floating around that in death he was memorialised so much they forgot who he really was and him coming back wasn’t so much that he’d changed but they’d forgotten him, but i also am conscious of the fact that he has gone through extremely traumatic circumstances and everything that's happened and all that he's come to probably shapes the way he reacts and acts.

either way, it's that point of comparison that draws me to him and specifically how he's different and he's changed. i was going through some of my letterboxd watches the other night and i remembered this line from this movie, where the protagonist's mother tells her 'i feel like i don't even know you' and it resonated so so much with me as well as reminding me of jason and bruce, i guess. it's the idea that as you grow you're going to actually develop into a person but it's difficult for your parents to come to terms with that sometimes and sometimes it feels like you're doing it to spite them, to go against all they've tried to instill in you. and you've fallen off the figurative pedestal, you've been tainted in a way, you're flawed.

it reminds me a lot of jason, and the feelings i have about my own girlhood and growing up and how love sometimes feels conditional to your obedience. i wish i had the mental clarity right now to write about this, especially given jason's 'innocence' and chance to grow up was ripped away from him before he ever even could (you could make the argument that the circumstances of his birth and poverty stripped it away from him long before he met bruce) but his relationship with bruce is just so. it feels reminiscent of coming into one's own but also the struggles you face in that when the person you are (and perhaps always have been) isn't one that your parents think or want you to be.

i don't know if any of this makes sense, but he is so. so special to me and thank you for letting me ramble on about him today nonnie :( of course, everybody has their own interpretations of his character but this is mine hahaha

p.s. i know i've spoken on here before about jason and asserting that he's 'female pain' coded or something along those lines, and i know that a lot of people don't really like assigning that to male characters when you actually do have a range of female characters there to give that same attention.

so i want to clarify that when i say this now, or things along those line, i intend to be a lot more careful about that association - i like him because a lot of the elements of his story resonate with my own personal experiences and i don't want to generalise it by assigning that gender specific label on it but! to keep it fun and fresh, this is what i mean.

[belabellissima]

Casually slides down your chimney

Your secret santa has returned!! Thank you so much for those answers to the would rather game! I'm notoriously bad at them, too, so I'm happy with the rambling, especially becuase if gave me a chance to learn more about you!

Honestly I think we had the exact same answers for the bonus questions! I'm a hardback fan all the way 🥰 And my go to in the morning is a coffee, but I love nothing more than my afternoon english breakfast with a bit of milk and honey. I think I need to try that masala chai wiith cardamom and sugar though, that's sound delicious!! And Team Rosalie is a perfect answer 🤌

When it comes to your gift, what I'm hearing from your answers is that you'd like a smutty multichapter feysand fic that's set in canon driven and driven by romance with LOTS of angst 👀 hehehe that sounds delicious and I think I already have an idea brewing in this ole Cauldron.

My questions for you now are...

What are your favorite romance tropes?

What are your top 5 favorite Feysand moments?

If you could change anything about the acotar series, what would it be?

What's your favorite song(s) at the moment? Which ones remind you most of Feysand?

Hello!!!! You have returned!!!! And this time I can answer before going to work lmao! edit: no actually I wrote for so long that I had to go to work before I finished and am posting this on my break 😂

And same answers?!?!?!! ITS FATE! And I'm so glad to know another English Breakfast lover!!! Truly a wonderful tea😌 also all the talk of masala chai made me crave some enough to go make a pot! I have had smh a fresh mug next to me and I didn't add too much sugar this time! and i have more dishes added to the never-vanishing pile but I have cleaned up the spills on the counter its f i n e

One thing about me is that I have a favorite pot that I always use for hot drinks and soups because it's the only one without a lip and so also the only one where I can consistently pour from it and not spill what I've just made.... but that one was already dirty :/

Also the gift already sounds so beautiful! Perfect 💯 10/10 I am READY to bawl my eyes out! (have you noticed yet I use... a LOT of exclamation marks?😅)

and for the questions!

Favorite Romance tropes? ooooh thats a tough one because a lot depend on the genre! If I'm reading fantasy then enemies-to-lovers is amazing, but especially so if it's one-sided! Like Jude and Cardan - he was in love with her and she hated his guts so much she thought he must hate her in return! Or Feysand in the first book, now that I think about it lmao. Other favorites include classics such as only one bed (or horse if its a road-trip romance), soulmates/fated mates, forced proximity, and hidden identity! If its more contemporary though, I lean toward fake dating, rivals-to-lovers (technically a branch on enemies to lovers but eh), and mutual pining/idiots-to-lovers. One trope though that i don't really like??? Is actually the love triangle. Because I WILL start shipping all three of them together rather than choose. (Or the back-and-forth starts to annoy me. Depends on how it's being written.) speaking of that if you like sci-fi books i would recommend Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao, that's got a canon polyamorous relationship!

Favorite Feysand moments - Calanmai obviously, that scene is iconic for a reason and i get emotional if I think about it too long while remembering chapter 54, there you are. I've been looking for you I also adore Feyre throwing her shoe at Rhys after he dares her to do it again, Feyre taunting Rhys while in the Summer Court only to immediately get jealous that he does the same thing, both CoN scenes, and the scene with the bone carver when feyre admits she would have turned the knife on herself and Rhys is devastated by it. what can I say I love angst hahaha😂

Honestly I don't like that Rhys twists Feyre's arm for the bargain. Like... dude. I know you were playing a part but really? Also i wish nesta was a carynthian - the writer in me understands that her character development and journey needed for her to stand her ground instead of reaching the summit, and arc-wise it was a fufilling end, but the valkyrie lover in me is like... why couldn't nesta reach the top too? also cassian not saying ily to nes in her book?????😡🤬 do better cass.

Favorite songs at the moment are "So Hot that it Hurts" and "Conversations with the Dashboard" by Voilà (they are so underrated I need more people to listen to them), "Electric Touch," "You're On Your Own, Kid," "Castles Crumbling," "Willow," "Ivy," "Dress," and "New Year's Day" by Taylor, "Last of the Real Ones" by FOB, and "Da Selby" Parts 1 and 2 by Hozier. Feysand wise is probably New Years Day (I did title my amnesia fic with this song so I kinda have to pick it lol 😂 ) and Dress (but dress is also perfect for Emorie so👀). Voilà also has a perfect feysand song with "Figure You Out" - it just screams rhys to me in the beginning of acomaf saying "Really? Tamlin? You picked Tamlin? He gave you red paint and thought it would make you happy and you still think he’s the man for you?” Also "Hurt for Me," "Where's My Love," and "Better" by SYML destroyed me with the Feysand feels to the point that I immediately added them to my playlist! 😭

I think that’s it, what songs do you like though??? I’m always looking for new music 😅

Make sure you’re drinking enough water and getting sleep!!! 🥰 See you next time!!!!!! byeeeeeee!!! 👋🏼

[the-doomed-witch]

Heeeey, boo! I am sorry for disappearing. Famous melancholic- PMS-feeling )-like-shit couple of days BUT! I am surviving. Iuhu! (This was cute, btw)

How have you been this last few days??

About your wips (wip sound):

.. PROF! MILF! WANDA PLEEEEEEEASE. Oh my gooood, I can melt with a good prof milf wanda fic... like a comfort fic, I love those kind of writing.. The first fandom I joined was a college professor × student setting AND I think I have read every single college Wanda AU... "Y/N stay after class" MY HEART JUST STOPS! #nerdkink #wherearemyreadingglasses?

.. Cottagecore plain and simple smut: 👌. Look, I live for hard smut, ok? Just.. YES! Now are we thinking a countryside lifestyle or a "busy town people visit the farm to hook up" kind of thing?

"her ardent passion for choosing vegetables is very concerning" AAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHHA OMG hahaha I can see Yelena's maniac face cutting a carrot in tiny little squares, everyone else taking a step back.

Ps. The anatomical description from the last post was meant not to be understood 😅. It was just describing a clit-lick.👅

Ps2: #geographyrules 🌎🗺️

Ps3.. "wider lexicon".. Did you start to read the Jane Austen book while I was gone? Cause giiirl, THAT is a lexicon... 🧐

. .

🩸

aaaaaa the pms sucks 🥲 i cry a lot whenn i’m pms-ing. i’m so proud of you for surviving thru it because honestly we all should get applauded for that👏 i’ve had a veryyyyy long & annoying week but the only good thing that happened was that i got myself a lavender hoodie :) it’s finally a sunday evening where i’m not busy and i’m too tired to think of the monday that’s tomorrow. somebody stop time from passing by

nerd kink? oh my gossssshhhhhhh same!!!! i am just so?!&@!?,<><?!\ aaaaaahgsvgshsgsh 😭😭😭 idek what’s the healthiest, least abnormal, least deranged way of putting it HGDSGHS😭 nonetheless, i’m not really making it a smut-based fic (ding dong! it’s the demisexuality ringing!) but of course there’ll be eventual smut because cmon who are we lying prof!milf!wanda is a need🤤

COUNTRYSIDE LIFESTYLE! AWAY FROM THE HIDEOUS TENTACLES OF CAPITALISM! AWAY FROM THIS FUCKING POLLUTION LIKE DUUUUUUDE ITS SO INTOLERABLE!!!!! IMAGINE YOURE FUCKING WANDA AND THEN YOU JUST FUCKING COUGH BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING POLLUTION cities are helpless i just travelled to the city yesterday and it’s insane and i’m dead srs. so. um. after all that awkward rambling, countryside lifestyle it is 🫡

tbvh i always imagine kate and yelena having their official macaroni date where yelena just kinda… chops veggies very enthusiastically 😭 and kate goes like, “wow you’re one good assassin and cook in one.” and there goes the smash on the lips HAHAHA

(ps) WHAT ?!?!?! NOT A SINGLE THING ENTERED THIS LITTOL BRAIN OF MINE

(ps2) please don’t 😭

(ps3) i only read as far as one chapter💀 i guess i’m not in the mood for reading it rn? but i started reading bluets by maggie nelson and i love it so far🖤 but haha “lexicon” is one of my favourite words it always reminds me of my crush and like let’s be honest every single thing reminds me of her so anywaysssssss

also!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TWODOTTIE🎄🌟💌 (if you celebrate ofc <3)

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. busy bee with a 2 year old lefty eyebag 😌

Good morning, I woke up with a sneezing fit. I'm feeling 99 percent better haha how are you today?

You guys sound very busy yesterday. That's a lot of cleaning and reorganizing. I'm sorry that you felt sad though. Hope you are better after a while.

Yes, one time I took her to this bouncy gym thing. Talk about my age showing..I tell you, after a few jumps and running around, my back was sore. How many kids does your sister have?

Hm I'll have to get back to you on that because now that I am thinking about what my type is..I couldn't really come up with a definitive answer.

Yah, Ariel is my favorite just because of her singing! Whenever part of your world comes up on my playlist, I always have to sing it. I think it's the only Disney song I know by heart 😅

Redheads and accents huh, does your crush have an accent? 🤭

Do you have any favorite words? How about words that make you cringe?

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello you Ariel's fan,cat parent n 99percent not sickly righty eyebag! 😅 did i do good on ur nick name? 😅🤣

Sorry for the late reply..today was pretty intense day for me, i got some anxieties, i couldnt reply u earlier. im pretty drained right now but im okay.

Im so glad that u r 99percent better! Whats the 1 percent symtomps u still feel now?

Yeah we cleaned n organized pretty a lot yesterday. I had fine the winter clothes box in the attic n stuff. N reorganize the pantry to check if there is anything that's expired, then put the one that's close to the date in the front line n the newest one to the back..

I used to work in the restaurant for a long time so im used to with the rule "FIFO" first in first out when i reorganize their fridge and beer mugs n stuff, so i do the same thing with my pantry 😅

Well, im not really better but okay-ish.

Haha yeah people our age already in the back pain era 😅🤣 n grey hairs.lol. i already have 4 grey hairs that are keep coming back.. n they look like silver-ish grey hair.🤭

Hmm really? U dont know ur type of women or u dont wanna tell me? Hahahaha just kidding.

Ah i see..yeah ariel is pretty.. ariel is actually em's favorite too.hahaha.

Haha yeah, redheads and accent, now u know why i'm a huge fan of wanda n Natasha.lol.

Uh,my crush, i think she has a little accent to it but not much but i think noticed her southern accent jusy a bit though, she doesnt have a thick accent. 😁 she kinda have a little deep voice which i think sounds really hot. I love women with a little deep voice n a little raspy. I think that sounds sexy than a high pitch girly voice 🤭. I love it when i hear her chuckles a little.. hahaha. Sorry for the rambling 😅

Favorite words? Hmm.. not really sure but so far i can think of is the word "sophisticated" , "gorgeous" and "delish" n i dont know why actually.lol.

Words that make me cringe? Hmm i dont know.. i think i dont like the word "vomit", "literally", "slime or slimy" n alsoo "frog" i hate frogs..it gross me out.haha. what about u?

Alsooooo i found this n it reminds me of u. Hahah.

Cheerio!

[introvert--weeb]

hey angel!! first of all: congrats on reaching 100 followers!! i bet you‘ll reach your next milestone in no time <3. anyways i‘m here to request a tokyo revengers matchup if thats alright!!

im a bi scorpio intp and i go by she/they pronouns! okay buckle in now bc this is gonna be a looong one-

although i‘m super introverted people always tell me they think i‘m an extrovert bc of how loud and upbeat i am LMAO i guess you could say i‘m just super energetic and bubbly? but don‘t let that fool you, i still don‘t do well with huge crowds of people (HAHAHA)!! i‘m overall pretty laidback and just go with the flow i‘d say! anything honestly works for me, though i‘m also fine on my own most of the time. as for being loud, i‘d say my personal talent is not being able to shut up (though some people may disagree about it being a talent LOL). like honestly, i could ramble all day!! no joke!! and i also have no filter, i just say anything that comes to my mind,,, uhh anything other noteworthy about me is that i get into the dumbest accidents ever, but am always strangely calm about them (the other day i fell down the stairs and got a minor concussion and got yelled at by my friends for not going to the doctor bc i forgot you‘re supposed to do that LOL)

i love love love spending quality time with people i like!! also a huge sucker for affection <33 and i‘m a huge sucker for romance too, shoujo mangas especially……. other than that i also really like horror media?? i‘m the biggest scaredy cat ever yet i‘m so obsessed with horror….. i also love doing handicrafts like knitting and crocheting!!

i‘d say my aesthetic is super girly and pink!! anything cute i adore <33 appearance wise i‘m pretty short and really petite lol,, my hair is currently kinda dyed like teen kazutoras hair LMAO got that bee look going on

anyways!! tysm for your time and have a wonderful day angel 💘💘

Ooo, you sound lovely! 💕 And thank you so much! ❤️

I will be pairing you up with...

Haruchiyo Sanzu ❤️

Same energy type of couple. Both you and Haruchiyo are introverted but can come across as extroverted. However, while you are bubbly and energetic, Haru is toned down yet he can be manic in his behaviours.

Meeting Sanzu happened because you had gone to watch a rerun of a horror movie in cinema. Sanzu had also gone to watch the same movie since he really had nothing better to do. Mikey wasn't holding any Toman business so there really was nothing else to do to pass time.

Since the rerun was quite popular, the only seat the boy could take was next to you. Not that it bothered him since he'd rather sit next to a pretty girl than next to someone who would annoy him throughout the experience. And so, he took his seat as the film started.

You were scared. Why had you decided to come and watch this movie again? Oh. Right. It's because you actually really enjoyed horror movies. As the first few jumpscares happened, Sanzu noticed how you would cover your eyes and flinch. He found it cute but you were a complete stranger so he would never say it out loud.

By the time the movie was halfway through, you had unconsciously clung to Haruchiyo's arm for protection. It's a good thing this boy wears a mask because it hid the majority of his blush that dusted his cheeks and nose. It stayed like this for the rest of the movie.

When the movie ended and the lights came on, you were surprised and flustered to find that you were clinging to a cute guy's arm. With a harsh blush, you apologised profusely to Haru who was simply waving it off. In fact, he took advantage of how sorry you seemed and used that to ask you on a date/hang out of sorts. And that is how you ended up spending the day with Haruchiyo Sanzu, as well as giving him your number.

Skipping the cliche that I constantly write, you and Sanzu ended up in a relationship after 3 months of talking and hanging out. You had yet to learn that he was part of a gang and I don't think he'd ever want you to know. After all, you were someone he wanted to keep safe so you finding out he was in a gang would just put you in danger.

Haruchiyo really enjoys the fact that you will speak whatever is on your mind, no matter how random it may be. It was better than trying to guess what you were thinking and he felt a lot more comfortable in this dynamic. It meant he could also tell you all his 3am type thoughts that he usually kept to himself.

Dates with Haru are usually quite laid-back in their own ways. I don't see him really taking you to fancy restaurants unless it's a special occasion. So the main dates are usually watching movies either at the cinema (his treat) or at one of your houses. Snacks are a must and so are cuddles.

This boy is affectionate and can come across a little clingy sometimes. He isn't clingy in a relationship but he is in need of cuddles and reassurance that you won't leave him for someone else. Especially when he had shown you his scars under his mask. Please make him feel loved and tell him how the scars don't bother you in any way. His heart will flutter from your words.

Sanzu would probably be the one to mentally facepalm every time you get another injury. At the beginning of the relationship, he would worry over every scrape and bruise but as he started dating you for longer and got to know you, it had become a normal occurrence. Don't get me wrong, he will help bandage you up or take you to the hospital if it required it. He just wouldn't outwardly worry as much as he used to unless the injury was really bad.

Haruchiyo ADORES your aesthetic! Pink is such a pretty colour in his eyes and it looked even prettier when you were wearing it. Will buy you accessories to match with your outfits and expects you to wear them. After all, you were his girl and you should want to show that off, right?

Other gifts will include shoujo mangas that he has heard you talking about, plushies that he found cute and reminded him of you, and snacks when you would hang out. This boy will try his best to spoil you the best he can.

--

Requests for match-ups are closed.

[sugarcubetikki]

why are you in my friend’s clothes?

Summary: Firstly, Chat Noir has had a bad day. Secondly, why the hell was Ladybug in Marinette’s clothes?

Notes: Wrote this little one-shot to celebrate 500 followers (more like 561 now) but tysm! I literally don’t even know how I have these many-I swear most of the content I post is like random shit. But thank you! I really appreciate it so here’s a treat : D

P.S. THIS IS POST MR. PIGEON 72

AO3

Adrien Agreste was shaking with that feeling of utmost disappointment, that feeling he had harboured getting used to. 

Once again, that was another dreary, awful day that he was drowning away into oblivion through a warm lactaid beverage.

He chugged his flask of milk under the thick layer of clouds that masked the ethereal twinkle of the stars embedded in the night sky. Huffing frustratedly into his warm woollen scarf (the only worthwhile present his father had gotten him), he lounged lazily on the rooftop in solitude.  No Ladybug there to brighten up his world even in the murkiest times. 

But it was fine. It was fine. She really needed it. Being guardian was weighing down on her. He understood that. She could miss as many patrols as she wanted.

He still really missed her though.

Restlessly, he sprang to his feet and languidly leapt across the rooftops, the cold rush of the wind pounding in his ears. But he didn’t really care. He was used to that too. 

He took little sips from his flask at regular intervals between each jump. It was solace to all the unpleasantness that was swirling within him right now. 

At about the fifth jump, when he was chugging down some milk, quite a strange sight caught his eye.

It was Ladybug.

And she was on Marinette’s balcony.

In a polka-dot bathrobe with a towel wrapped around her head. 

What?

He choked a little, and the milk in his mouth sprayed out, accompanied with some rather loud coughs. And it seemed that he had caught the fair lady’s attention.

Her eyes widened and her face blazed red at his presence. Lips spreading into a sheepish smile, she waved reluctantly. He simply stared at her with his mouth agape. A blur of questions bursting into his head.

“M-milady?” He leapt to Marinette’s balcony, landing right in front of her. As he met her eyes once again, he noticed the large pair of glasses perched on her nose. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh! Hi! Hi, Ch-chat!” She squeaked, her voice an octave higher than usual, an uncannily wide smile, and her arms splaying all over the place. “I-well-you see… I’m here to relax, you know. Marinette and me…w-we’re friends! Yeah. We’re friends.”

“You are?” He arched his brow.  A painful pang struck his heart. He just didn’t know what to say…when she said, she couldn’t make it, he wasn’t really expecting this. He expected her to be busy with guardian stuff or something. Not that she shouldn’t relax! She totally should! She was completely allow-

He just didn’t know. 

He didn’t really know why he was upset. He just was. He didn’t expect her to be on Marinette’s balcony like this. And that…didn’t make him feel so good…

“W-w-well. Y-you s-see. My kwami loves sweet stuff! And M-marinette pretty much lives in a bakery. So, I come here often to get snacks for her! Absolutely.” Ladybug replied frantically to his question, and took a long sip into her mug of…hot chocolate?

He bit his lip and looked her up and down again. She was in Marinette’s clothes. Why was she in her clothes? He had the most insane hunch gnawing at the back of his head. He could just say those couple words now. But he didn’t want to jump to conclusions just yet, so he went…

“Did she lend you her clothes?” He asked stupidly, slurping into his flask of milk, gloved hand perched on the railing. 

“I-oh-yeah. Yeah, she did. Like an hour ago or so, she’s not here now though. Went to her best friend’s place for a sleepover…hahaha” Amidst her rambling, Ladybug reached out to place her own hand on the railing. Mere inches from his own. He had the urge to reach out and caress it under his own. But with everything in his head, he lacked boldness in the moment. “Sh-she was nice enough to…you know.”

“I know.” A smile glittered onto his face. “Marinette’s incredible.”

For no reason, Ladybug’s face grew a brighter shade of red at that compliment. One that wasn’t directed towards her. But he chose not to question it, and instead turned to the murky sky, his mind whirring for a surreal joke to cover up all the awkwardness. After all, he didn’t really have anything else…valid to say.

“Do you- “

“I’m really- “

They simultaneously say, voices overlapping over one another, making them stop and stare at the other sheepishly.

“You go first.” Ladybug said, fidgeting with a loose strand of her hair.

“No, milady, I was about to crack a stupid joke.” He tells her with a gentle smile. “I’m sure whatever you have to say is far more important.”

Hesitantly, she stared at him for a moment, with doubt plastered in her eyes. He widened his smile at that, letting her know it was okay. Satisfied, she reciprocated his smile, and her uncertainty faded away into amusement. Playfully leaning in, she hooked her arm around his own.

“Thank you, kitty. Make sure you reserve the joke for later.” She bopped his nose affectionately. “You know I love them.”

“Good for you then, you’re never getting rid of this clown of a partner who’s crazy for you.” He played along with a wink.

Eyes filling with joy, she lightly chuckled and took a sip into her mug of hot chocolate. Making her laugh always filled this sense of pleasure within him.

“So…” she continued. “I just want you to know that I’m really sorry for bailing on you today at patrol…I-I j-just I didn’t mean to intentionally h-hurt you or anything. It’s just th-that I needed some time to myself…to relax…and by relaxation, I didn’t expect myself to be a mess on a-uh-civilian’s balcony. It…well…just happened.”

Her apology caught him off guard with a little gasp. But he was able to compose himself and gave her a brighter and even more genuine smile than before.

“I-thank you for apologising, milady. I appreciate it and I do understand.” He shot her a gentle glance taking a sip into his flask. “I have to admit…I was hurt by seeing you here but I…I felt better when you apologised. I mean it when I said I really appreciated it.”

A mixture of surprise and shock filled her face, his genuineness had her stunned, but it was short-lived. Her face melted into a very pretty smile and it made her face shine even more brighter under the golden glow of the balcony light.  

He really was glad that she had apologised though. If his father was in her place, he would’ve ignored it completely and turned the blame on him, saying he was too sensitive for feeling hurt over something so trivial. 

Like he’d done today when Adrien found out that his Chinese lesson had been cancelled and neither Nathalie nor father had informed him of this. He’d sat there waiting for his teacher for ages. He didn’t even know it was cancelled until dinner when Nathalie told him.

It was one of the few days his father sat to have lunch with him. And the only thing Adrien had done was express his disappointment on how he missed walking home with Marinette today unnecessarily. 

His father wasn’t amused. And had said that he shouldn’t be feeling hurt over missing such trivial events. Of course. Spending time with a friend was so trivial to father. How could he have forgotten? 

It hurt. It wasn’t fair. It was these evenings that hit him with the constant reminder how difficult it was for him to have fun.

That’s why he really appreciated that he was spending the last hours of the day with his lady. Where most of his fun moments lay.

“You’ve got a milk moustache.” She chuckled and leaned in to wipe it off with her gloved hand. “There you go.”

“I am a cat.” He playfully remarked, raising his shoulders in pride. “This is how we cats drink milk. Milk moustaches are the best way to go.”

“I’m not a cat but I do agree with you.” She said with a spark of confidence in her eyes. Her competitive self took a large gulp into her mug of hot chocolate. Upon lowering the mug, she grinned triumphantly with a thick layer of brown spread above her lips. 

“That’s naughty.” He reached to wipe off her moustache. “You got one intentionally.”

“It was still bigger than yours.”

“Still intentional.” He pouted in faux annoyance, and she laughed, her hand automatically coming to rest on his chest almost to contain herself.

As usual, there went the freezing of his breath and rapid beating of his heart. Something about Ladybug that he would’ve never expected in the start:  she was a very touchy person.

Sure. She laid all hands off him during akuma attacks and when she was in an all-business mode. However, it was moments like these where she would open up, where he got to see more of the girl behind the mask. And he really treasured these moments.

Her laughter came to a halt and her eyes focused on her chest. Fingers crawling up to play with the ends of his scarf, she gazed at it quite fascinatedly. Too fascinatedly. 

“I-is that Adrien’s scarf?” The words bluntly slipped out of her mouth.

“Wh-what? A-adrien?”

“Uh-“She sprang away from him, seeming startled that she had said that out loud. “I-well-you know-that looks like Adrien Agreste’s scarf!”

“I-uh-well- “He tensed and looked at her with wide eyes. There was no way he could reveal his identity like this. “I-I-borrowed it from him! You know! Just like you did from M-marinette!”

“Ah- “Her mouth flapped open and closed a couple of times. “Th-that m-makes sense.”

The bluenette turned away with pursed lips and speechlessly stared ahead.

“Yeah.” He replied in relief. Good. No identity prying questions. Now, she wouldn’t know he’s Adri-wait a minute.

“H-how did you know this was Adrien’s scarf?”

Her head merely turned to him with a dumbfounded expression and she heavily blinked.

“I-well-I recognise the stitching! You know! I’m good with this kind of stuff-very into fashion-and he wore it a couple of times when I saved him you know!”

“I- “He didn’t recall wearing the scarf anytime around her. Had he? He wasn’t sure. She had saved him as Adrien plenty of times. He didn’t remember everything so maybe…it was plausible. 

“Oh…okay then.” He simply said. “Looks like we’re both wrapped up in clothes lended from a civilian friend, right?”

He wanted to bonk his head onto the railing right then and there. Stupid thing to say, Agreste.

“Y-yeah.” She replied uneasily. “F-from civilian friends.”

“Marine-Oh!” Another voice shook the tense atmosphere, both heroes turned around in alarm.

A surprised Alya Cesaire greeted them as she peeped out from the trapdoor. 

Hold on a second.

“Alya?” He questioned in shock. “I thought Marinette was at Alya’s place for a sleepover, but if she’s here then- “

He suspiciously arched a brow at Ladybug. Her eyes widened for the umpteenth time that night and she blankly looked at Alya.

“A-alya! W-what are you doing here! I th-thought M-marinette and y-you were meant to be at a sleepover at your house! Right?” Ladybug mimicked a dramatic tone of surprise. But he wasn’t falling for it. 

“Ah…right…you se- “

“I think I know what’s going on.” He cut Alya off. The two girls hastily exchanged frantic glances.

“Look, Chat- “Ladybug commenced. 

“I know she didn’t tell you bu- “Alya began to explain at the same time.

“You’re dating Marinette and Alya’s the only one that knows.” He cut both off. Feeling relieved to finally let go of that hunch. 

“What?” Both girls yelled flabbergasted.

“It all makes sense! You’re on her balcony! In her clothes- “

“It’s not-it’s not what it looks like-I-wait up-you’re in Adrien’s clothes?” Ladybug paused in a frenzy realisation. “If you’re saying me being Marinette’s clothes means I’m dating her, is that confirmation that you’re dating Adrien?”

“What! No-I-you didn’t deny it.” He took a step forward and pointed accusingly at her. 

“That’s not the point!  You’re the one who’s dating Adrien.” She reciprocated his body language. 

“Well, you’re dating Marinette.”

Brows narrowed with competitive expressions. They stood toe-to-toe with Alya giving them a what-the-hell look.

“I’m not even going to get involved in this…” Alya facepalmed and disappeared under the trapdoor.

“You’re not denying it!”

“You’re not denying it either!”

They bickered back and forth about the whole dating chaos, taking swigs from their beverages every now and then, from the way they argued, it was almost like they were drunk on milk. The clouds began to clear the sky, and the moonlight began to cast a lovely glow on the city.

“Look…to resolve this…let’s never talk about this night again, got it?” Ladybug concluded, taking one last sip into her mug. 

“Fine.” Chat raised a hand in surrender, sipping onto his own flask. “I have to make my leave anyway.”

“Okay.” Ladybug huffed. “Have fun seeing your boyfriend!”

“Well…you have fun seeing your girlfriend, milady.” He fluttered his eyelashes playfully. “I’m sure she’s just as nice, pretty, and talented as you said.”

“I never said tha- “ 

“See you, milady!” He cut her off again and leapt away on his baton, catching one last glimpse of an adorable pout on her face.

It was nights like this that always brought a smile onto his face even on the most miserable of days. And that’s exactly why he loved spending time with her.

Despite the whole situation with her thinking he was dating-well-himself. Ugh. 

Wait a second…

She was dating Marinette.

The multitalented, insanely kind and endearing Marinette.

Oh crap. He was screwed. 

[chanelpirate]

19, 20, 25 please!!

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

Aged/immortal/ageless/eldritch/etc aristocrat schemes/fails at scheming while struggling between duty/objectives and Their Feelings/Ignoring Said Feelings while slinking about their domain/palace/etc in sad/horny/yet always stylish dishevelment. From this conflict a story (or ‘story’) arises. Never gets old. Much like said protagonist. (=which, I will remind, doesn’t mean ‘goodie’!)

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

—insert obscure image from Ancient Greek plays! —insert obscure reference to Shakespeare! —insert obscure reference to obscure historical event! —have I yelled about German Expressionism lately? —insert obscure reference to modernist poetry! —Insert obscure reference to 16th century Holy Roman Empire realpolitik that I read in a primary source once and thought, damn that was shady, wonder if that was in reference to—my entire fic Renaissance is this. Literally the whole thing. I’d thought about updating it with another chapter just deconstructing all the early 17th century shit-talking, because I really didn’t give the reader much. (it being an ‘outsider glimpse’ sort of situation) It might be good to do, early 17th shit-talking was marvellous, it was a ridiculous time politically. Not that I was ever there! Haha. Imagine!

Anyway, I’m not super in touch with what I have/haven’t written/actually published as fic, but a couple of mainstays do come to mind: every time I make some wry insinuation at how Alexander got all that shit funded, I am absolutely insinuating that Frederick the Great was Alexander’s sugardaddy. That absolutely would have happened were Alexander a real person, oh my god. But Chanel! I hear you declaim! He’s a real ancestor of real people who are really alive today! Oh babes, look up who they’ve supported historically and what parties current members of that family have hitched their horses to. (The 'friendliest' 20th century name I can comfortably put here is Franco. Yeah.) I don’t give a good goddamn if insinuating an 18th century member of that dynasty (who incidentally, was probably the most progressive of that lot since, and he lived 250 years ago) shagged a fictional disaster eldritch monstrosity in a way that was maybe a bit transactional is ‘disrespectful’. You know what’s really disrespectful? Supporting the fash and far-right n*tionalist movements xoxo

I would say I have a fic for this but it’s been stuck at 80% done for about 18 months and my fic to-do list is the real eldritch horror

Also, I can’t even think about the alchemist ménage à trois (Alexander/Agrippa/Weyer) without my brain screaming ‘John the Baptist! Salomé! Strauss! Siri play Dance of the Seven Veils! Alexander snog a decapitated head!'

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

The attention hahaha fml

That moment when the coin drops and the tiny thing that makes a story make internal sense clicks into place. This can take longer than one might expect. After that, everything becomes a gleeful race to the finish where I constantly go ahaha! but you know what would be REALLY fucked up!! ohohoho, but you know what would be even FUNNIER!

I don't know, I just like that whatever I write that doesn't have to have commercial considerations can come from a place of unhinged joy, even (especially?) when the subject matter is dark.

[molzies-fanfics]

Whoops

A/N: I’ve never actually broken anything so I hope this is somewhat accurate, also anon I’m really sorry I didn’t respond earlier but I hope you healed up well!

Parkour had been a hobby once upon a time, but you had started posting videos on the internet, gaining followers over the past couple of years which led to earning a lot of money. So this basically became your job, but wasn’t it everybody’s dream to enjoy what they did for a living?

 Although one day you were so caught up in your twists and flips from one surface to the next you didn’t notice that someone had spilt something…

 Waking up in the hospital was a nice surprise, a bump on the head and a broken leg was the more nasty one. God…you had no idea how your boyfriend was going to react.

Leo was an incredibly loving and careful boyfriend, sometimes you couldn’t picture your life without him…but right now? You really didn’t want him to come over and see the epic blunder you had gotten yourself into.

 He had texted about an hour ago, saying he would drop in when he would get the chance during patrol. It wasn’t like you could just say no! If you said no that would raise suspicions, leading to him coming over anyway. It wasn’t like Leo didn’t trust you, he just got concerned over whether you were getting kidnapped or not.

 Letting out a massive sigh, you sat up to try and reach for the tv remote, but moving resulted in tugging the skin trapped under your cast causing you to hiss in pain. “Y/N?” hearing a familiar voice, you whipped your head around meeting the bluest eyes you ever did see. “Hey Leo…” you tried to sound casual, failing miserably as his gaze focused on the dark blue cast. “Oh my god, Y/N what happened?” he questioned as he rushed to your side, cupping your face in his hands.

 “Well I was doing some parkour today and…I slipped.” You winced at the recollection. “Oh love, I’m so sorry. Do you need anything?” you were surprised in the change of conversation, originally thinking he was going to scold you for being so reckless, but you saw the concern etched into his features and knew he was being serious.

 “The TV remote and some water would be great?” you wondered if you were doing the right thing, taking advantage of this opportunity. “Of course.” He smiled before handing you the remote. With the TV flickering to life, you turned back to him. “I thought you would be mad.” You almost whispered to yourself. “I am a little bit. It’s just…my need to take care of you kinda overrules that.” Leo chuckled to himself as returned with your water.

 “Oh…well thanks.” You showed a weak smile before gulping down the glass. “Woah, slow down. You don’t want hiccups as well do you?” he laughed. You attempted to gulp down the lump in your throat as well. “I just realized…I won’t be able to work for so long now.” You gasped. “Love, you need time to heal, and that’s better than irritating the wound and starting all over again…isn’t it?” Leonardo rubbed circles into your shoulder. “I guess so.” You spoke into your glass.

 Leaning over to give your forehead a kiss, Leonardo leant his head against yours, staring into your eyes. “I’m here for you.”

Raph had squeezed through your window without even letting you know he was coming. You couldn’t decide whether it was nice of him to surprise you or inconsiderate if he scared you. But you knew this time it was you who was going to give him a shock. The red banded turtle lumbered through your living room before spotting you on the couch.

 “Hey…babe?” his tone changed as he spotted the cast trapping your leg. “Hi Raphie.” You greeted pathetically. “What the hell happened? Who did this to you?” he didn’t move as his temper soared, his features expressing a mix of pain, anger and regret. “No one did this to me! Well…unless you count myself.” You chuckled sadly. “…what?” he whispered.

 Shutting your eyes tight, you didn’t want to see the look on his face when you told him. “I hurt myself today whilst filming. I wasn’t looking where I was going, there was some water…I slipped.” You sighed, preparing for the worst. Expecting him to yell, stomp about, reminding you what you had done and how he would continue to until it was drilled into your mind how dangerous your job really was. Maybe even tell you not to go back to it…

 “Idiot.”

Surprised at the emotion in his voice, you opened your eyes to glance over your boyfriend. “What?” mumbling almost to yourself. “I said you’re an idiot. You should be more careful.” He almost smiled. Instead he sat down on the couch, bicep brushing against your uninjured foot. “I-I’ll keep that in mind.” You stumbled “You’re not mad?”

 “How can I? You’ve received the brunt of your mistake anyway, I don’t want to add to that.” He gave you a sad smile whilst rubbing your leg affectionately. “Aw…thanks Raphie.” you whimpered, still a bit emotional from a stressful day and Raph just had to go and be a sweetheart. “Oh hey…don’t cry.” He got up to move closer to you, shuffling himself under your back so you could cuddle.

 “Sorry…it’s just been a long day and I wasn’t expecting you to be so nice to me. My mom yelled at me so much today, complaining about how much the hospital would cost me especially since I won’t be able to go back to work now and earn the money back” you started to sob into his chest. “Shush, babe, everything will be alright. And if thing’s get tough around here you’re always welcome to come crash with us.” Raph suggested thoughtfully.

 “Your…your brothers won’t mind?” you sniffled, completely bypassing the thought that your boyfriend had practically asked you to move in with him, despite it being purely for your benefit. “Hell no, you’re family Y/N.”

 You ended up launching yourself at him then, ignoring the pain in your leg from the sudden movement as you latched your lips onto Raph’s.

 “You are so sweet, y’know that?”

 “It happens.” He chuckled.

Donnie was practically a doctor himself, so when you broke your leg and only found out when you woke up in hospital, you knew he was gonna be pissed. Not by the fact that you broke it in the first place, but maybe because you didn’t come to him about it. Face it, it would’ve been difficult to get to him with a broken leg but at least it would’ve been free and you would’ve been able to see your boyfriend in this difficult situation.

 Walking on crutches back to your apartment only to find out the elevator was out of order was a treat though. The cherry on top of this whole mess. After spending a whole hour, yes an HOUR, climbing the stairs with your cast on, you opened your door to be greeted by none other than Donatello.

 “There you are dove! I was starting to get…worried.” He was excited to see you before his eyes fell to your cast. Feeling way too tired for this, you were hoping he wasn’t about to start an argument. Closing the door before anyone in the hallway could see him, you turned around only to be met with a hug. Which was kind of difficult seeing as Donnie was six foot six.

 “What happened? Are you okay? Well, clearly not you’ve broken your leg! Do you need anything? Water? Hot water bottle? Do you need me to help scratch your leg? I’ve heard casts can be super scratchy.” Your boyfriend started to ramble. “Donnie! I’m fine, I just need to sit down. The elevator was out of order so I had to use the stairs.” You explained briefly before hobbling over to the couch. That was before Donnie scooped you up bridal style of course.

 “Let me take care of you.” He smiled warmly. You were too exhausted to say anything but “Okay.” Laying you down on the sofa, Donnie got you some snacks, blankets and put your favorite movie on. Curling up into his arms you realized how truly grateful you were to have a boyfriend like Donatello. Kissing him on the cheek, you gave him an exhausted grin, staring into his emerald orbs before placing your head in the crook of his neck.

 “I’m here for you always dove.”

 “Thank you Donatello.”

You couldn’t lie to Mikey, you couldn’t even keep a secret from him. His face was like a magnet for your affection, and that included being truthful. Which meant you had to tell him that you broke your leg and that was why you had to cancel your date. So, when you texted him without saying why, he immediately asked if he could come over instead. Knowing it was better to go this over with sooner rather than later, you said it was okay.

 Dreading the minutes in between the text and when he arrived, you sat there trying to get comfortable with, what felt like, an over sized cast. It was like slow torture on a mental and physical plane…which sucked. All you knew was that Mikey would be upset when he had seen what had happened, but he wouldn’t be angry…would he? You’ve never seen Mikey angry before, but that doesn’t mean he never had been angry. Anxiety started to build up in your chest, today had been challenging enough.

“Hey sweet cheeks! Sorry I took so long, want to pick up some pizza!” He chirped as he stumbled into your living room, leaving the window open. A draft picked up, causing you to shiver. As if sensing it, Mike picked up the nearest blanket, came over and wrapped you up in it. He then sat down next to you, completely ignoring your cast set on the pillow next to him, and took a slice out of the box.

“So how was your day?” He beamed. Sunlight was basically coming out of his cheeks at this point. “Uh…kinda horrible?” you chuckled to yourself, starting to find it funny that he hadn’t noticed yet. “Oh no, how come?” he then rubbed your leg. You gave him a look before gesturing to where his hand lay, looking down Mike finally put two and two together.

“Oh my god! What did you do?!”

“HAHAHA, I love you Mike.”

[krsnbgirl]

Fly High! || Kageyama xFem!Reader || Part 5

Summary: Hinata and Kageyama come over for a tutoring session since exams are right around the corner. Finally, they have a chance to have a little peek of your personal life at home after getting to know you more through your lunch time tutoring sessions. Kageyama also touches base with you about your decision which has finally come to an answer.

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Fem!Reader

Genre: Rom-Com, Slice of Life, Sports

Warnings: None for this chapter

Chapter's Word Count: ~3.1k

Author's Note: This is somewhat of a filler chapter, well in some cases hahaha. There are more moments with Kageyama though! All interactions with the story are much appreciated, but I would love to hear some feedback through the comments ; ^ ; I'm not sure if my writing is any good, but I'm assuming it's been going alright considering all the notes on the series?? Don't mind me, just being a little insecure about my writing atm...^^;

Taglist: @misnmatchedsox​ @monviemoo​ @love-beyond-words​ 

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || || Part 5.5 || Part 6 || Masterlist 

The blaring sound of a phone going off echoed through the bedroom as you sleepily reached out for it and took it off its charger. Squinting at the sudden brightness, you saw who was calling you and sighed. Right when you pressed the green button, the upbeat voice of your best friend could be heard. Still trying to wake up, you changed the call to be on speaker as you listened to Nishinoya ramble about his morning. Then you winced when he suddenly exclaimed about the new information he received from his fellow teammates during their morning practice.

“You’re tutoring the two idiots later today?!”

You yawned and stretched to get your body to feel more awake before replying, “Oh yeah...Hinata asked if they could squeeze in some more studying time before exams this week.”

“(Y/N)-chan, you’re a girl and you can’t just have two boys over when you’re home alone!”

You rolled your eyes and picked up your phone as you got out of bed. Making your way towards the kitchen, you smiled to yourself as you saw the plate of food your mom left. Taking a seat in front of the food, you settled down to enjoy your meal.

“You’re being overprotective Yu-nii. Just because our moms went on a trip together doesn’t mean you’re in charge of me.”

“UH YES I AM, I AM OLDER THAN YOU BY A YEAR.”

You laughed before digging into the food and said, “Okay and if it’ll ease your mind you can come over if you’d like and join us.”

“Ugh I wish I could, but I already promised Ryuu and Ennoshita that we would study together...we’re not trying to let you first years beat us!”

“Wait, how did you know they were coming over anyway?” You asked before taking a sip of your water.

“We had an early practice today and during our jog, Hinata was saying how excited he was to hang out with you.”

“Aw, that’s cute. He really is a ray of sunshine, isn’t he?” You snickered.

“(Y/N)-CHAN! Do you have a crush on Hinata?”

You burst out laughing and immediately said, “No I don’t Yu-nii, he seems like a brother to me at this point. Because of how innocent and bright he is, it makes me just want to take care of him like an older sister y’know?”

“Oh okay, that’s good to hear. Well, I’m glad BECAUSE I’M NOT READY TO LET YOU GO TO ANYONE ELSE. YOU’RE MY PRECIOUS LITTLE (Y/N)-CHAN.”

“There, there Yu-nii. You’ll always be my best friend, no one’s ever going to replace you. Even if I did get a boyfriend you’d just have to live with it.”

“Ugh whatever, I don’t even want to think about it yet. Anyways, I’m stopping by for dinner tonight. I’m going to need a breather after studying with the guys.”

Finishing up your breakfast, you hummed in response and gathered your dishes to clean them.

“What do you want for dinner? I’ll bring it over!”

“Oh~ if it’s your treat then I want takoyaki and yakisoba pan!”

“You’re so cheap.”

“Oh? So if you’re okay with paying more I want tonkotsu ramen, carbonara pasta, fried chicken, onigiri-”

“OKAY, OKAY TAKOYAKI AND YAKISOBA PAN IT IS. Geeze, you’re more simple than I thought.”

“I’m being easy on you, Yu-nii.”

“Alright, I got it. I’m about to go over to Ryuu’s house so let me know if Hinata or Kageyama do something you don’t like. We’ll be there in a flash to whip those two in shape.”

“Yeah, yeah~ take care Yu-nii.”

“You too (Y/N)-chan, I’ll let you know when I’m on my way later. Bye-bye!”

You smiled to yourself as you dried your hands and put away the dishes. It was always nice to know that Nishinoya would always be looking out for you even if he did so in such outgoing ways. His positive personality always lifted up your spirits especially since you were the more reserved one between the two of them. Taking a look at the clock the time for the boys to come over was nearing, so you decided to go ahead and get ready before cleaning up the apartment.

‘I wonder how today is going to go?’

---

Hinata and Kageyama were walking side by side as they made their way towards your area. The two had met up at the intersection they usually split up from to walk together since they didn’t want to awkwardly show up and make a fool out of themselves in front of you if they had shown up by themselves.

“Hey Kageyama, I wonder what her room looks like? Do you think it’s all frilly and pink like on TV?”

“I don’t know.”

“I hope she doesn’t think we’re even more stupid since we’ll be studying with her longer.”

“Who knows?”

“Kageyama, you also need to be more welcoming to her.”

“Shut up, Hinata. I already know what I need to do.”

“Are you sure, you seem pretty scary towards her if you ask me.” He laughed.

Kageyama clicked his tongue before slapping the back of Hinata’s head. “You’re just imagining things, you idiot.”

He quickly fastened his pace to get a head start and the boys began another race to see who would reach there first. In a matter of seconds, they were standing in front of your apartment complex and Hinata called you to let them in. The boys made their way up and Kageyama knocked on the door to let you know that they had officially arrived. They could hear your footsteps approaching and their eyes widened at your appearance. Your hair was out of its usual braid and you were wearing an oversized graphic t-shirt that was tucked into a pair of light denim high-waisted shorts.

“Hinata, Kageyama-kun I’m glad you guys made it.” you smiled at them before walking into the apartment.

“H-H-Hi (L/N)-san! T-Thanks f-for h-having u-us!” Hinata stuttered as he clumsily took off his shoes.

“Y-Yeah, excuse us for the intrusion,” Kageyama said softly as he followed Hinata towards the living room.

“We’ll be studying in my room if that’s okay with you guys?” you asked as you began to make some tea for them.

“A-A-Are you sure?” Hinata asked as he blushed.

“Hinata, relax. You don’t have to be so formal. I thought we’re all friends at this point.” you replied as they watched you rummage around for their cups.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, haha. My bad…” Hinata sheepishly said.

“It’s the room at the end of the hall, make yourselves comfortable! I’ll be there once the tea is finished.”

The boys followed your instructions and entered the room. They were surprised to find it very minimal. The walls were painted white with black trimmings and were filled with medals and certificates from the years that you played volleyball. There was a bed at the corner of the room next to your balcony and a desk that sat at the center and against the opposite wall. An array of polaroids were posted on the wall where your floor desk was. It had your laptop and textbooks neatly on top with a floor chair and your blazer hanging over it. On its side was a shoe rack and had a volleyball sitting on the corner of its top rock. A white coffee table sat in the middle of the room on top of a black rug with a couple of cushions for guests to sit on. Your closet was closed and located nearest by the door; painted with a chalkboard medium that was filled with all sorts of critiques for volleyball, self reminders, and important dates to keep an eye out for. Along the wall where your bed was, there was a body-size mirror snuggled on the opposite corner and a bookcase near it. You had a record player sitting on the floor with a couple of your favorite albums sitting in its holder.

“Woah...it’s so organized,” Hinata muttered as he let his bag drop by the coffee table and wandered over towards the wall where all your medals and certificates hung.

Kageyama let his eyes wander as he took in all the small things that you kept for yourself. He made his way over towards your desk and looked at the different memories you captured through your Polaroid. There were many of you and Nishinoya throughout the years from early childhood days to when you went to middle school together. He noticed that if you smiled hard enough, there was a small dimple that would appear on your left cheek. His eyes softened as he continued to see small tidbits of your life before you came to Karasuno. There were funny ones with your old teammates and a couple of photos with you and the upperclassmen. The one that mainly caught his attention was one that Nishinoya probably took for you. You were surrounded by your teammates as you held up the national trophy with happy tears streaming down your face, sitting in a wheelchair to celebrate your victory.

‘She really loved volleyball, huh?’ He thought to himself as Hinata walked up to him and looked at the photos as well.

“Do you think we’ll make it on her wall someday?”

Always leave it up to Hinata to voice some of his own personal thoughts that he could never say out loud. He shrugged and went to go sit down to get ready for their session. Hinata joined him as well just as you walked through the door with some snacks and their tea. As the three of you got out your notebooks, Kageyama couldn’t help but peek at the polaroid wall once more wishing that he’d have a special photo with you soon.

---

Before you knew it, the sun had already begun to set and Hinata freaked out. He was supposed to be on his way home already to look after his baby sister and Kageyama also needed to leave in order to pick up some food for his family. You walked them down towards the entrance and was taken aback to see both of them bow to you in thanks.

“Man, you’re a lifesaver! (L/N)-san, thanks for helping us study on a Saturday!” Hinata exclaimed with a bright smile on his face.

“Thanks,” Kageyama said and nodded at you.

“Sure, let’s do our best on the exam!” You smiled and Kageyama’s eyes slightly widened as he saw your dimple.

‘Cute…’ He thought as you and Hinata engaged in another conversation about your time as a volleyball player. Kageyama sighed and shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. He didn’t understand why his attention slowly shifted towards you whenever he was in the same space as you. His main priority was to focus on getting better as a setter so Karasuno can beat Seijoh the next time they plays against them.

“Oh? The two idiots are still here?” Nishinoya asked as he walked up to the trio with a plastic bag filled with food slung over his shoulder.

“Noya-senpai!” Hinata exclaimed.

“I hope she was a good teacher to you guys?” He smiled at them before taking his place next to you.

“Yeah! I’m gonna ace that exam for sure now! I think!”

Nishinoya burst out laughing and went to slap Hinata on his back for some encouragement. “Just as I suspected, Hinata! You’re always so positive and let’s hope that what you’re actually saying is true! Or rather, I won’t let (L/N)-san’s kindness go to waste!”

“Kindness…'To have a caring heart. A term used to express a caring attitude one has for another.’” Kageyama muttered as he continued to mentally go over what they had been studying for.

Nishinoya stared at him before laughing again. “You better pass too or else you both won’t be able to go to Tokyo. That and you would have wasted my precious best friend’s time.”

You sweatdropped and tried to calm them down. “Now, now let’s have some faith in them Yu-nii. You’re basically in the same boat as them so don’t be trying to act so superior towards them.”

Nishinoya pouted while Hinata and Kageyama gave you thankful looks. You sighed as your best friend jumped onto you and looked at the other boys. “Have a safe trip home Hinata-kun, Kageyama-kun.”

They waved goodbye and Nishinoya let go of his grip on you. He cheekily held up the food he brought and stuck his thumb towards your apartment. “Let’s go eat shall we?”

You playfully rolled your eyes and made your way up to settle down for the night. Once all of the food was laid out in front of you, Nishinoya was about to play the movie you were planning on watching when out of nowhere your cell phone rang. You picked it up and was surprised to see who called you.

“Kageyama-kun?” you answered and Nishinoya sprang up from his seat, pointing at your phone with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You let out a small gasp but Nishinoya was too quick for you as he tackled you, trying to get the phone out of your hand. On the other side of the line, Kageyama weirdly looked at his phone when he heard the chaos happening in your apartment. He raised an eyebrow at the clatter of the phone and slowly brought the phone back to his ear in time to hear Nishinoya over the line.

“HUUUUH?! KAGEYAMA?! LET ME ANSWER- WHAT ARE YOU- HEY DON’T SLAP ME AWAY- (Y/N)-CHAN!”

“Um...is everything okay?”

You kicked Nishinoya off of you and quickly ran to your room. Locking the door behind you, you walked towards the bed and plopped down onto it.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, sorry about that. Yu-nii was being annoying.” you laughed, slightly out of breath.

“...R-Right…”

Smiling in amusement, you shook your head and caught your breath. You mindlessly kicked your legs and asked, “Um...is there anything you needed, Kageyama-kun?”

“I...um...accidentally left my notebook.”

You sat up and glanced towards the blue notebook that had fallen off of the table. You went to go pick it up and said, “Oh yeah, I see it. Did you want me to give it to you tomorrow?”

“Actually...I’m downstairs…I wanted to try and study more tonight.”

Running towards your balcony, you looked down to see Kageyama looking down and then scuffed the ground with his foot. You giggled over the phone and leaned against the railings.

“Kageyama-kun, look up.”

His eyes widened as he heard you and looked up to see you smiling at him from your balcony. He felt something in his stomach that he only felt when his nerves were high during matches. As he racked his brain for the answer, you waved him up to signal that he could come to pick up his notebook. Clutching the strap of his bag, he swallowed down the nerves and couldn’t believe that he was nervous around you.

“What’s this?”

Kageyama was greeted by Nishinoya and a teasing smile. “Are you trying to get at my best friend, Kageyama?”

The setter clicked his tongue and was about to retort back only to have you intercept and push Nishinoya out of the way. You sheepishly smiled at Kageyama as you lightly pushed him towards the hallway and followed him out. He watched as you glared at the libero and closed the front door, then sigh in relief before turning your attention towards him.

“Sorry about Yu-nii I know he can be overbearing sometimes.” you said while holding out his notebook.

“I-It’s fine...I’m used to it because he’s like that at practice.” He mumbled and gently took it out of your grasp to put it inside of his bag.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I can walk you down too.” you offered and the two of you began to make their way towards the entrance.

A short and comfortable silence fell and Kageyama was trying to figure out how to start a conversation with you. You looked up and smiled to yourself when you noticed his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. Trying to help him relax from worrying so much about his social nature, you decided to start the conversation.

“Are you nervous for the exam?”

Kageyama looked down at you as you looked in front of them with your arms behind your back and he shrugged. ��Not really, you’ve been a lot of great help to us.”

“That’s good.”

Another silence fell and you finally reached the entrance. You stood in front of him and rocked on your heels, waiting to see if he would say something. He cleared his throat and looked towards the street before he asked, “Have you decided if you’re going to be our manager or not?”

You hummed in thought as you guys ended up looking at the strangers that passed by. “I’m still thinking about it. There are still some things I need to figure out.”

He peered down at you before readjusting his bag and said, “(L/N)-san, at this rate, you can’t move forward. If you want to do this, you have to just believe in yourself that you are able to.”

“Yeah...I guess you’re right.” you softly said as once again, Kageyama knocked some sense into you as if he could read right through the barricade you put up for yourself.

“...And I’d like to have you as our manager too…” Kageyama quietly added.

Your eyes widened as he rubbed his neck, a slight tinge of red could be seen on his cheeks. You chuckled and warmly smiled at him.

“Well if you put it that way, I guess I can’t say no to this offer, huh?” you teased. “I’m kidding, but really though, thanks Kageyama-kun. I guess I can’t let you down after all that you’ve said to me. Just wait for me to settle some things first.” ‘Like going to Ukai-san’s store tomorrow to talk about my past and how we can incorporate my skills into your practice…’ you thought to yourself as a million of new ideas began to form in your head. It also reminded you that there was finally something could do that would help the team raise money for their bus.

His eyes softened and a faint smile could be seen on his face. “You’re welcome, (L/N)-san.”

You smiled widely and excitedly tugged on the strap of his bag. Kageyama raised an eyebrow at you. “In that case, there’s something I need from you and Hinata for help.”

[your-local-vamp]

I disappeared off of the face of the earth for a while, but I’m back ya’ll!! I need to get used to the whole writing and then posting it thing haha. Anyway! I’ve had this idea for a really long time, but was very much procrastinating on writing it. Whoops. But here it is! It’s honestly mostly focused on the whole conflict within the vampire’s mind. I like to show different sides of them. My last one was straight up a stalker, but this one is a liiiiiiitle different, you’ll see :)! I need to shut up before I spoil the entire thing out of excitement lol. Oh and also! I finally took it upon myself to research how I can write better, make it easier to read and stuff. So if there are some errors or if anyone has advice for me, please do leave a comment! Also also, I have a habit to listen to badass vibe songs while writing/reading, so if you’re interested in some recommendations, hit me up! Okay that’s really it. Have fun reading!

Again, this story contains some explicit themes (blood, character death, overall just being angsty af) so make sure to check the tags before reading!

—————

Running From Death

I once again find myself drinking in the bar located a few blocks from my apartment. That intoxicated feeling I get after a few glasses is amazing to me. It’s pleasant to feel good for a change.

Being here also allows me to converse with the humans. Which is… Interesting to say the least. Their different personalities, lifestyles, stories. I happen to eavesdrop into conversations from time to time, which results in me hearing the most outrageous stories sometimes. May they be true or not, they interest me.

I try not to attract too much attention to myself, but I fail in doing so most of the time. Blame it on my charismatic vampire looks, I guess. Humans often strike conversations with me, but I’m not one to complain. I like talking to them when I get the opportunity.

The bell attached to the front door rings. A woman enters the bar. “Oh god, it’s her again,” someone in one of the booths behind me sighs. Hmm, must be a regular. I come here embarrassingly often, enough to call myself a regular as well, but I haven’t seen her before. She’s very handsome looking.

My hand covered with a leather glove tightens around the whiskey glass.

“Control yourself, please. You’ve practiced this many times before.”

It repeats in my head over and over again. Unfortunate things usually happen when I’m drunk. It saddens me, because I wish to not hurt anyone. I was a human once too. And I want to remember the memories from back then. Try to do ‘human’ things. But it’s hard, especially with-

“Hey, how are ya doing?” A voice interrupts my intrusive thoughts.

I look up and see the handsome woman sitting on a stool next to me. Her voice is lively and confident. But it’s probably just the liquor talking.

“Just thinking.”

“Abouuuuut?”

Oh god. She’s totally wasted. I now notice that she can barely even sit up straight without falling over. I can’t help but smile at her actions though, it’s almost endearing in a way.

“Just contemplating life, really.”

“I came here to do the exact same thing!” the woman says.

“How so?” I ask, now completely interested in her story.

“Ugh, where do I even start? My shitty boss fired me today. And you know what the most fucked up part about it all is? The fact that I’ve been working there for years! I did so much for his company, but he decides to just fire me, because ‘he’s gotta cut some people down’. So, I came here to drink my sorrows away. Well, I may have already visited two other bars, so I’m kinda far gone already haha.” The woman keeps on rambling, without actually making eye contact with whom she’s talking to. But I happen to listen to every single word.

“Why did he have to cut people off?” I question the woman.

“Pfshh, I don’t even know. Not enough money, I guess. He could’ve fired literally anyone else, but-“ she interrupts her own sentence, while her eyes make contact with the bartender, “-Hey! Can I have uhhhh. Whatever he has?” she finishes, while she absentmindedly points at my own drink.

She seems to have forgotten what she was talking about before, she’s just staring at the bartender until her drink is ready.

“And what’s your excuse for being here?” she asks, while taking a sip of her whiskey.

“Just taking a break from drinking blood and killing people.”

Well, that’s what I should’ve said if I really wanted to be honest. But being honest isn’t my reality. Lying has become my forte over the many years I have been a vampire. I don’t exist in the eyes of humans. And it should stay that way.

“Just taking a break from life.”

Yeah, that should do it.

“I come over here to share my entire life story, and all you’ve got for me is that? Damn.”

Or not.

“My life is really not that interesting,” I quickly add, trying not to blow my cover.

She takes an observing look at me. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my entire existence. She gives me the feeling like she can look right through my lies. “Hahaha, I’m just messin’ with ya. I don’t like to pry into people’s lives like that anyway,” the woman smiles.

Phew, I barely got away with that one. I return a signature smile to her. The one that makes everyone all the more invested in me, it seems.

*a few hours later*

The handsome stranger and I have been talking for hours. I lost track of time a while ago. Talking, or rather listening to her, reminds me of my human days. I used to help my elder neighbors with chores around the house, but ended up listening to them for hours and hours. I knew that when I had finished the chores, there would be a nice hot cup of tea and cookies waiting for me. The elder couple loved to share their stories with me. I know now that most of them were of pure fantasy, but at that time they were something I would so eagerly wait for to hear.

This woman gives me that feeling of nostalgia. The excitement of finally hearing the story I have longed for. It’s odd, since I have only met her a few hours ago. But somehow I feel like I’ve known her for a really long time.

“Nghn, my head hurts…” She snaps me out of my thoughts. “Woah there, don’t fall off that stool now,” I say, while carefully taking a step towards her. “C-Can you take me home?”

I look at her with disbelief.

Did she really just ask me to walk her home?

“U-Uh, I can call a cab for you? Or ask one of your friends to come pick you up maybe? I’m sure that-“

“Please.”

She looks at me with eager eyes. Her intention is really for me to take her home. If only she knew what I really am. I sigh. “Let me go to the toilet first, then I’ll walk you home.” I finally surrender to the human.

The entire way to the toilet I ask myself what I’m getting myself into. I shouldn’t be doing this, I know that all too well. But I can’t just keep hiding my true feelings all the time. I want to live amongst humans. I know that we can coexist. As long as I control myself, everything will be fine.

I sigh, take my gloves off and use the toilet. My head is suddenly throbbing like hell. I can feel that my body is trying to fight the urge to kill every single soul in this bar. Everything spins.

Shit.

“Hey, you ready or not? I feel like puking!” I hear the woman urgently knocking on the door. “Y-Yeah, I’ll be out in a sec!” I shout back.

I quickly finish and go back to the bar. “Let’s go,” we hurriedly exit the bar. She does so, because she needs to get home asap. And I do so, because of obvious reasons.

I can feel that I’m starting to lose control. It was a mistake drinking this much. I’m usually okay with drinking a few glasses, but this woman has a certain effect on me. And it’s not a positive one. Not while I’m drunk, at least.

The woman is currently walking behind me, laughing at her own jokes. All I want right now is to drop her off as fast as I can.

“Ah, shit!” I hear a loud thud.

I look back and see that she is now sitting on the cold concrete.

“What happened?” I ask, clearly concerned.

The woman shakes her head. “I’m so clumsy, I literally just stumbled over my own feet haha.”

God, we’re never going to get anywhere like this. “Oh nooo! My new pants! Ugh, this stuff always happens to me.”

I take a quick look at her leg and notice that the fabric is ripped open. She took a great fall apparently, otherwise that wouldn’t have happened.

“Damn, I’m bleeding too.”

That’s all she had to say to make my eyes turn red and making my fangs expose themselves. I quickly turn around, hoping that she didn’t notice my weird behavior already.

“Are you okay…?” she asks, proving my thoughts wrong. I disregard her question and return it with my own.

“Is it bad?”

I don’t know why I’m asking her that. No matter of how bad it is, the mere smell of her blood is driving me insane. All I can think about is that right at this moment.

“Uhm, no I think that I’m okay.” I can hear that she’s getting up and has started to walk towards me.

“Please, don’t come any closer.” I say this with a serious tone, hoping that she’d cease to move instantly.

“What’s wrong? It’s not even that bad.”

Fuck fuck fuck.

I can’t hold the urge back anymore. I never want to hurt humans, but I also can’t forget of who I have become. I’m a vampire. To stay alive, I need blood. Alcohol has terrible effects on me.

It’s like drinking water with salt in it. You’re drinking, but it worsens your thirst because of the salt. Alcohol only enhances my thirst for blood. I’m learning the consequences of that now.

The woman has come even closer to me. I turn around, only to see a reached out hand with blood on it. I try to fight the dark side of me with everything I have. That side of me gives in, eventually. I resist the urge and grab her wrist, only to warn her to stop.

However, this action suffers a great consequence. The woman looks at me. The white of her eyes turn dark red.

Wait… I look at my hand, having a firm hold on her wrist.

“My gloves!” is all I can utter at this moment.

I have forgotten my gloves in the toilet area. How can I be so stupid… I’m unable to touch any living being with my bare hands. If I do so, it dies. Everything I touch turns into dust. It’s a curse I have carried with me ever since I turned. It has barely posed as a problem the last few years. But I… I touched her without gloves on.

“W-Wait. No. I’m sorry, please!” I beg for my actions to reverse themselves. But what happened cannot be undone.

The woman’s eyebrows furrow and her eyes look back into mine, filled with betrayal. “H-How cou-ld y-ou,” she chokes on her own blood. She is in immense pain, I can tell. I let go of her hand, terrible guilt now washing over me.

She takes a look at her shaking hand, which gets covered with popping veins inch by inch. The sounds coming from her are agonizing. She stumbles backwards, now nearing her end. Tears roll down my cheek, as I carry her.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know my gloves were…” I’m unable to finish my sentence, as my non beating heart breaks seeing her mouth all covered in blood clots.

It’s ironic, really. I was barely able to resist the smell of her blood before, but now even though I’m covered with it, I don’t seem to mind.

Her body shivers uncontrollably, until it stops moving at all. I hold her limp body, watching my tears fall on her veiny cheek.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I keep repeating it, somewhere having a wishful thought that I could go back before all of this happened.

But her body stays unmoving. I scream and I scream, all of my human feelings washing over me now. This shouldn’t have happened. My ignorance allowed this to take place. And I will never forgive myself for it.

I hear sounds of a crowd nearing by. In total panic, I let go of her body and hide in a nearby alleyway. I crouch and hold my hands over my own ears, trying to ignore the screams that are coming from the spot where I just killed a human. The tears are now streaming down, my thoughts racing. What have I done? I should’ve never went to that bar in the first place.

Fuck, I need to get out of here before they find me. I try to leave the guilt there and run from myself as fast as I can. I am a monster. And no matter how hard I cling on to the little humanity I’ve got left, I will always remain one.