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sexiestpodcastcharacter · 1 year ago

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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 3

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

PLEASASSWEEPLEASE TOU DONT HUNRERFSTABDS

GLENN GLENN GLENN ITS GLENN VOTE GLENN VOTE FOR THE BOY

We didn’t do hot Glenn summer for him to LOSE. Spoilers for his story but MORE PROPAGANDA FOR YOU:

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

GLENN GLENNNNNN

Listen, I don't know this other character but I've seem some good arguments for her However Consider Glenn Close winning through no effort of his own in a bullshit way despite being a dick is the most in character thing ever. He leveled up three times and got a crab mech, we GOT to give him this win, it's fitting

I haven't dedicated the last 2 months of my life drawing Glenn close for him to lose

Vote for Glenn Close or I will make you read the parody I did of the vaporeon copypasta

I don’t regulate if minors follow me or not bc I’m a pretty chill space but I hope the world is aware that’s the only reason I haven’t been downright nasty about Glenn close. I’m down bad. I’m NOT in the boat of ‘Glenn isn’t sexy but I want him to win bc it’s my fandom’. I would estimate I have 200+ drawings of Glenn on my phone that AREN’T safe for work. Way more that are. Where did they come from? That’s MY business. But I tell you this fact to assure you- Glenn IS sexy. I’m not voting to represent my fandom I’m voting out of TRUTH AND LOVE. IF YOU DON’T GET IT YOU DON’T GET IT!!! I just think my level of feral over this man is more powerful than y’all realize. If you don’t get his sex appeal that’s okay, but don’t doubt that this is my truth.

VOTE GLENN

Glenn fuckers fought tooth and nail to get us here from like 38% dawg we DESERVE THIS. GLENN IS THE SEXIEST MAN!!! HE WAS THE FIRST FICTIONAL CHARACTER I FOUND HOT AND HE’S GONNA CONTINUE TO SWEEP!!! Your hot goat woman sounds sexy don’t get me wrong but I’m forever fighting for the man that changed my brain chemistry. Proud of our fandom tbh. I don’t think y’all understand the sheer amount of effort I have put in to get my boy where he is today but this placement feels well earned. TO GLENN SWEEP!!

THE FUCK YOU MEAN GLENN CLOSE ISNT WINNING IM BOUT TO THROW HANDS FR

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

Yalll better vote glenn i swear to god

Vote Glenn or else the bird gets it🐦🛸

HOW IS MY DUDE NOT WINNING????

GLEN GELN NELG GLENNANN HE DESERVS ITTTT

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. Do you think pickman needs this to feel good about herself? Can she not accept a loss for the sake of a pathetic father? Can she shake hands with the minivan fucker and his human gun and just take the L on this one? He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Taako (The Adventure Zone: Balance):

A celebrity chef from another plane

#Round 3 #Glenn Close #Taako #Dungeons & Daddies #Dungeons and Daddies #The Adventure Zone #TAZ Balance

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halfhoursonearth-writes · 9 months ago

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Can you recommend fanfiction that you personally really like?

Yes! Love this ask. I’ve never made a Zutara fic rec list partially because I’ve read so many wonderful stories over time that I find the prospect daunting!

But there are absolutely certain stories that I have a personal soft spot for, that I return to again and again. And that’s my criteria for what’s included below. This is a sampling of fics that I find myself coming back to, in no particular order. I may come back and add more, because this list is so far from exhaustive. A mix of ratings (marked), so keep that in mind.

Wish I Was the Moon by Like a Dove (T), post-canon: There’s so much that I love about the way this one-shot explores Katara’s character and what she faces post-canon, how she frees herself, strikes out in the world and finds her way home. Her feelings for Zuko, and her inner-conflict around them, are rendered tangibly, both through scene and subtext. A really good example of how an author can show a character’s lack of/journey to self-knowledge without breaking voice.

Refraction by caroes3725 (E), post-canon: When I started reading Zutara fanfic (for me this was in 2020), this was the fic I was looking for—a deep, realistic-to-canon, in-character exploration of how Zutara could unfold after the events of ATLA in a way that gives Katara in particular the arc she deserves. Really well-done development of the Fire Nation court world, well-developed characters, shining dialogue. An amazingly well-worth-it slow burn.

Wildfire by rainstormdragon (E), post-canon: To me this story is kind of a steamy Zutara thesis. The characters are so spot on and alive, their flaws are on full display in a way that feels realistic, and their chemistry is powered by their compatibility—matched in passion and stubbornness, and also in what they want from life. And I think it really gets Aang, too, which is something that can be hard to find in ZK fic. Also really hot, but that's only part of what makes it really shine.

Partners in Learning by evergreenonthehorizon (T), Modern AU: One of the things I love in modern AUs is watching an author weave that invisible string between these characters. Sometimes, it’s by writing narrative arcs that parallel the series, and sometimes it’s by drawing out the personality traits that make the characters both lovable to readers and such a compelling match and watching that spark bloom into flame. This beautifully written story does that so, so well in a really compelling Modern AU setting. Zuko and Katara here are so wonderfully lovable, and it’s a joy to watch them fall for one another, too.

Journeys by Smediterranea (E), Modern AU: In real life, I want to see my friends in relationships with people who can recognize why they’re so particularly amazing. That potential, I think, part of the appeal of ZK as a ship, and that’s part of the special magic of this fic. Watching these two characters get to know one another—really see one another—and fall in love deliciously sweeps the reader up. Plus, really fun, in character cameos from the rest of the Gaang along the way.

Spark, set fire by marijayne (T), Modern AU: literary fanfic, and I mean that in the best way. This story is beautiful and bittersweet, the latter is not often something I seek out in fanfic (where I hide from life), but here it’s gorgeous and worth it. The world building here is really cool—allows the author to explore some of a set of cultural issues/interactions that both echo the ATLA world and ours. The characters are so tenderly drawn (dadko especially)—and the connection between them builds beautifully and tangibly—and the longing is…chef’s kiss.

Wrong when it's right by nire (T), Book 1 Canon Divergence: Before I read this, I couldn't imagine wanting to read a Book 1 Zutara. After, I wanted more. Bickering, bed-roll sharing, shared heat, tenderness and common ground. A delight from start to finish.

Anyway, thanks for asking and happy reading! <3 And if you want more recs, let me know.

#zutara #zutara fanfiction #zutara fanfic #zutara fic recs #zutara fanfic reccomendations

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xthelastknownsurvivorx · 11 months ago

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recently the rwrb quote that has been most resonating with me is "'[it's] fine. it's all very deeply fine. a whole lifetime of fine. ... that's not good enough for me.'" and it got me thinking that even though henry is the one who says this, who has been more explicitly struggling with believing that his sexuality was a bad thing, arguably alex has been suffering some of the same issues.

even though in a lot of ways alex is very unapologetic about himself, largely gained from being half mexican in america, during his sexuality crisis he comes to realize that he largely tried to avoid the epiphany of being bi because of how it got in the way of his "universally appealing" public persona of fsotus, especially since his race already feels like one strike against him.

and i guess i just find it so compelling that both henry and alex are struggling with the same things of wishing for that sort of acceptability and trying to avoid some part of who they are, despite being very different people who deal with that issue in vastly different ways, yet through their growing relationship they decide that they don't want to hide forever and try to be acceptable to the entire public. yes, they were forcibly outed and that was horrible, but even before that they decided that they would tell people eventually.

alex is the one to decide first when he chooses henry over that universal acceptability—he could have simply let henry go after he fled the new years party. but alex didn't. he cornered henry at the correspondence dinner and dragged him into the red room to finally resolve months of tension between the two of them.

henry makes the choice later: after alex flies across the atlantic ocean to call him an obtuse fucking asshole and then he sees philip the next day who is the outcome of looking for that universal acceptability. and that's when henry decides it's actually not good enough for him, not after a lifetime of already doing that. regardless of how terrifying being honest and trying for happiness is, maybe the alternative is just as, if not more, terrifying

ultimately at its core rwrb is a story about two people who have been told/made to believe that some part of them, of their identity, is wrong and bad but through meeting and getting to know each other they slowly unravel that belief and choose to be themselves and to be happy, regardless of what the rest of the world says. and given the legislation that's been sweeping through america in the last few years, i think that that's really beautiful and special and kind of what a lot of people deserve to hear.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #rwarb #alex and henry #rwarb spoilers #lee.txt

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acourtofthought · 8 months ago

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I don't know if I'm being petty, but I like to think that some of Elain's actions toward Azriel are just foreshadowing for Elucien's dynamic. For example, Lucien is very thoughtful about his choices for Elain's gifts, and Elain is invested in the presents she gives to others, including Azriel, even if it's in the form of a prank. This makes me think that receiving gifts will be one of their main love languages.

The scene where Elain called Azriel's scars beautiful could mean that if Lucien still holds any insecurities regarding his scars, it'd be no problem at all for his mate to help him realize how gorgeous he is, inside and out.

And, most of all, the theme of choice would fit so much better in an Elucien romance. I mean, Azriel isn't the one banned from two courts, prohibited to see his mother, exiled in a strange land, the one who has only two humans (who will die in a few decades compared to a fae immortal life) as his only friends, and he's definitely not the one being ignored by his mate and fearful of her rejection. If there's a character who deserves (plot-wise) to be chosen, it's definitely Lucien.

Besides, it would make so much sense with Elain's and Lucien's characters and with the development of their relationship. The fact that Lucien respects her time and space (or his passivity, as some like to call it) allows Elain to make the choice of pursuing the bond when she feels comfortable and secure enough. She'd also have more agency than her sisters in the beginning of their relationships.

But these are just thoughts.

Thank you for your blog and your theories and thoughts. You make me feel hopeful not only for an Elucien's endgame, but also that they really have the chance to get the next book. You have been a light in the end of this three-years-length tunnel.

P.S. I also have a guess that the announcement will be on May 1st. Hope we are right!

Also, the scene where Elain called Az's scars pretty could actually have been Elain calling his siphons pretty because Feyre wasn't sure what she was looking at.

However, I do agree that Elain is going to find Lucien's face devastatingly handsome and the reason for that kind of ties into her mother. Which sounds weird but I'll try to explain.

Her mother made assumptions about her, that she did not dream beyond her pretty dresses and gardens and that she would marry for love and "beauty". So of course, Elain tried to follow those expectations, getting engaged to exactly who her mother would have imagined for her.

I know Elain loved Graysen and probably found him handsome but he seems cookie cutter. Even Feyre said, he was sort of the human ideal of a lord come to sweep a maiden off her feet.

Lucien's face isn't perfect. He's handsome no doubt but he has long hair (no proper mother would approve of that), a scar running down his face and his eye. He is not the image of a baby faced Lord set to inherit his fathers estate someday. He's cruelly beautiful and looks dangerous and, we're all human here, that's going to thrill the "good girls" which everyone assumes Elain to be. Graysen is the kind of guy you have missionary sex with while the lights are out. Lucien is the kind of guy you are willing to do anything, anywhere with and that's probably a bit overwhelming for Elain given her upbringing. Right now, she's still stuck in the past, how she was raised, the kind of guy her mother proclaimed she would marry rather than embracing what lights her up like a pinball machine but I have no doubt once she does break free she's going to make sure he knows exactly how appealing she finds him because of the scars, the hair, the eye. Because of how it all comes together.

And I agree regarding the gifts! I think we see bits of Elain's personality around members of the IC but she never fully blooms, it's like a quick flash then it's gone. I could see Elain and Lucien teasing one another on regular days, silly gifts, sweet little gifts, but the important days I think will be when they reserve the really thoughtful, heartfelt gifts for.

With choice, I wonder if it's so much about that as fight.

(that sounds weird too but I wasn't sure how to word it).

What I mean by that is Lucien was chosen by Jesminda. He was chosen by Tamlin. He was chosen by many friends of which we're told he has many. He was chosen by the LoA as her favorite son. The problem is nobody fought to keep him.

The same with Elain. She was chosen by Graysen, she was "chosen" by Azriel, she was chosen by the chef and servants who wanted to do nice things for her, she was chosen by her many friends. But, none of them fought for her either. When things got hard they walked away.

Lucien and Elain are parallel in that they're just accepting life as it happens to them, trying to accept that when one door closes (to their dismay) and another opens, they roll with it even if they're not happy. They haven't learned to fight for themselves, possibly because they are used to not being fought for and as a result they try not to ask for much because they realize how expendable they are to others.

But in their book, I think they'll push past that to fight for what they do want and they will fight for one another. Lucien has been doing that so far when it comes to Elain. He is the one person who despite the odds did not walk away from her. Graysen gave up after Elain was turned. Az gave up easily, moved right onto feeling calm because of another female, admiring another female, thinking of another females eyes light up, even though Elain was probably upset after his rejection for the simple fact that any rejection hurts. But Lucien though he hasn't pushed her, has quietly fought for her for two years, by showing that he is still loyal to her and only her. And I imagine we'll also see Elain begin to fight for Lucien. Fighting against those who have wronged him, fighting for him to understand that he's not guilty for Jesminda's death or what happened to Feyre, etc.

Your last paragraph before the P.S. (May 1, May 1!!!) was so incredibly sweet and I wish I had better words to thank you for it.

I hope you have a fantastic day and I appreciate your message!

#elain archeron #elucien #lucien vanserra #pro elucien #pro elain archeron #pro lucien vanserra #elucien supremacy #elain x lucien #elucien headcanon #character deep dive

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anxiousnerdwritings · 2 years ago

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since we on the ropic of sibling reader can you imagine how pissed bruce + batfam (and alfred, to a degree) would be if like talia ever did get with sibling!reader, she'd be smug af bcuz if bruce's sibling lives in the manor, it gives her a chance to see her love and her ex in one trip. cut to damian standing in the back conflicted that his uncle/aunt has the chance to become another mom/dad but also looking at his mother like "why are you dating my uncle/aunt 😦🤨"

can you imagine tho bruce throwing an aggressive fit if his sibling chooses to date Hal of all people?? Clark, Diana? He's sees the appeal tbh; he won't be too happy, but he sees the vision. Oliver, Dina? another pair of 'sees the appeal'. But Hal???? no no no bruce is shutting that shit down and fast. Barry is really the only safe option and even then he can quite literally sweep his sibling off their feet and away from the safety of the manor.

i want to imagine that the kids feel very strongly against this but also play matchmaker yk?? like some do it to piss bruce off (mainly jason, damian) and a few others do it for the drama (steph + cass by association, dick). the rest are a mix of both.

Talia totally takes pleasure in rubbing it in Bruce’s face that she’s with his sibling now and she loves seeing Bruce affected by it. He’s not jealous that she’s with someone else, let alone his sibling, honestly he couldn’t care less about that. No, it’s the fact that his sibling is in a relationship in general. Bruce is very much the type who thinks that no one is worthy of being with his sibling and no matter what they will never meet his standards for being a romantic partner to his beloved sibling who more than deserves the world and everything else. Not to mention Bruce knows damn well that Talia plans to take the Reader with her eventually and he’s having none of that.

I could kind of see Damian actually wanting the Reader to be more of a mother/father to him, they already act like one to him so why not officially become his second mom/dad. It wasn’t really until Talia was very open with her romantic intentions towards the Reader that had Damian really leaning towards making it all happen. I could also see Damian being very bratty and extremely jealous thinking of the Reader becoming a parent and having a family of their own that didn’t include him. As far as he’s concerned his aunt/uncle is already like another mom/dad to him and to have their focus and affections being taken off of him really irritates and frustrates him to no end. But when Talia mentions offhandedly about taking the Reader home with her, all bets are off and he’s fighting to keep them with him and Bruce. Unless the Reader was actually willing to go with Talia and start a life with her and the League of Assassins then Damian may be willing to go with them, not only to keep an eye on the Reader but also to stay with them as well.

All the batkids have their own OTP ships for the Reader and they would definitely play matchmaker to make it come true. Mush to Bruce’s horror and disdain. His own kids are going against him when it comes to the Reader’s love life. While he believes they shouldn’t have one whatsoever, the kids have their own ideas of what the Reader’s love life should really be. Also, this is all totally happening behind the Reader’s back without their knowledge. And I have no boyfriend that all the Reader’s suitors have and will continue to make impromptu and uninvited visits to the manor to see and spend time with the Reader. Whether the romantic yanderes were in actuality invited by/planned with the respective Baylis shipping them with the Reader or they came of their own accord to be around the Reader is debatable. But it certainly gets on Bruce’s nerves. Hell, even Alfred has his own ship of who the Reader should end up with adding more towards the betrayal Bruce feels with everyone in the batfamily going against him like this.

Just imagining Bruce’s reaction to Hal pulling up to the manor to take the Reader out on a date is so hilarious. I can’t help but see him being the one to answer the door only to slam it in Hal’s face when he sees him. If the Reader is adamant about going out with Hal then Bruce would totally be sat on their bed the whole time they’re getting ready trying to persuade them to cancel or at least go for someone else other than Hal. Bruce just Turing into a bratty sibling is just too funny not to think about. He definitely glares daggers at Hal the whole time he’s there. The only compromise Bruce could come to is either having the Reader and Hal’s date at the manor so it can be monitored or the date turning into a double date with Bruce and either Selina or some random woman he takes out just so he can keep an eye on his precious sibling. (I can’t help but imagine not only Bruce but the rest of the batfamily dressed in hilarious disguises spying on the Reader and whoever they’re on a date with. Or even the respective yandere’s rival suitors doing the same thing too.)

If you think Bruce’s reaction to his sibling dating Hal is bad, imagine how he takes to learning the Reader is going out with Guy Gardner.

#anxious answers #yandere bruce wayne #yandere talia al ghul #yandere batfamily #yandere dc #yandere batfamily concept #yandere dc concept #yandere concept

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rinawantstosleep · 20 hours ago

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"And I'm doing this because...?"

Forty-nine minutes late. You've been keeping track of the time; not that it's a hindrance to you in any way imaginable. In fact, you'd be glad if the man you're waiting for took an explicitly extended period of time to arrive. An hour or two would be nice. He's a busy idol, after all. Who knows when his schedule will clear up for a boring meeting? Plus, you'd get an opportunity to leisurely lie around in your manager's office without having to drain yourself of any of the remaining energy that you've got. After that hell-inducing choreography practice for your next comeback this morning, even the mundane task of sitting down feels like a sanctuary.

"Think of it as 'damage control', of sorts." Your manager is all too aloof when stating this. Like he's done this a million times before; so insignificant, it doesn't even deserve even the most miniscule of emotions when said aloud, never mind the briefest time of day. But you're familiar with the patterns set in place.

You're the scapegoat. Surprise, surprise (not really). It doesn't really come as too much of a shocker. Your company needs to sweep something under the rug? Eminently, you're their bargain chip. Does it sting that you're always being put on the forefront when they need to cover up any tracks? Acutely. That doesn't mean there can't be exceptions, however.

Maybe you were born to bask in the limelight. There's a certain thrill that fosters itself in your heart when you're aware of just how much power you hold over the public eye. It started back when you were still a rookie. A company embezzlement scandal forgotten in the blink of an eye, all because you licked ice-cream off of your thumb during a livestream - supposedly so 'iconic' (due to the subtlety of your allure) that it took everyone by storm. Then, it all came snowballing; amassed to a point where every little movement of yours became the next 'big' thing. Virality was in your blood.

Now, you know that your morality scatters itself all over the place in such circumstances where you're being used, in a way, to alleviate the graveness of another situation. But, come on. You're an idol. You chose this life. Bad press is still press. Besides, it doesn't hurt when your fans willingly sink their teeth into anything that you dish out.

"Mm. Right. Well, your 'damage' has no concept of punctuality whatsoever, on top of the scandal he's got going on for himself right now."

"He'll be here soon enough."

"Maybe he's going to be a no-show," you shrug, already getting up to stand. You'll go back to your shared dorm room, gossip to your members about any ongoing affairs, and maybe order some food. Karaage sounds delectable right about now. Grabbing ahold of your jacket, you spin around to leave, when...

"Why the hurry, soda-tits? Patience is a virtue, you know?" Your most recent fiasco (an embarrassing accident that you're not entirely proud of). A member had spilt their soda on your top while filming a brand-sponsored video. Wasn't that just all the rage? Publicity follows you around like an abandoned dog.

He's finally here, words that elicit a pathetic cringe from you entering the room alongside him. Perfect timing.

Suguru Geto. One of the entertainment industry's most prominent figures; and also the highest earning idol from your company. Ridiculously good-looking, even if you've never been one for liking guys with long hair or piercings. But, you do understand all the hype that surrounds the R&B singer - from a musical standpoint, anyway. He's got great songs, you'll admit. Some of them, you've even found yourself singing along to in the shower.

You'd passed him here and there a few times in the halls or practice rooms; it'd never feel real - the same way you'd imagine being present alongside some ethereal, supernatural deity. An air of mystique appeal. Silent, yet cool. Like a ghost; unattainably ethereal. Turns out that he's got quite the attitude (because, really, soda-tits?). Cocky, too. It must be all the fame getting to his head. He's been knocked down a peg or two on the pedestal you'd previously kept him on.

"Watch it. I didn't volunteer to-"

"Suguru, my boy, you're here!"

So much for trying to clap back. It's not like you were actually going to get a chance to take a dig at the company's golden boy.

"Came as soon as I heard." Yeah, right. Who does he think he's fooling?

"Well, then, you must be busy. I won't take up much of your time. This is just to discuss the recent scandal going around about you..."

. . .

What's worse to fans than the idea of their precious idol smoking a few cigarettes? Dating, obviously. That's where they draw the line. God-forbid there be some love in the air. It's the perfect distraction. You're the perfect distraction. Fake-dating to stir the conversation away from Suguru's former defamation. Once things go according to plan, once the initial heat has died down, you'll announce that you two have broken up, that you couldn't deal with all the eyes on you two. The public loves a story. Of course, nothing was ever genuine to begin with.

Everything's been set out for you by the company over these past few days. A 'leaked' video of the two of you entering a hotel together. 'Fan-made' videos suspecting a possible relationship. Photos circulating online where you're holding hands. Your PR team has been working their asses off. The ball's in your court, now.

One objective: sell it like it's the last fucking thing you do.

"Over here!" "Suguru!" "Y/N!" "We've seen the videos!" "Suguru!"

Despite your personal success as an idol, you've never been hounded by paparazzi like this before. There's stardom for you, you suppose. Actual stardom: the kind that Suguru has. Too many flashes in your face to even discern where to take your next step. Too many voices that you swear they're imprinting onto your mind. You've resorted to hiding your face in his sleeve, arms coiled around the one he has on you. Any and all trust that you've got has been handed over to the guy, latched onto him while he guides you through the sea of capricious cameramen. You just pray that no one gets past the two bodyguards situated on either sides to trample over you.

"This is normal to you?"

"Not always to this extent, but sure. You get used to it over time."

His lips are so close, you can feel the warmth of his soft breath mingling with yours. It's the only way you're able to hear one another: practically talking down each other's throats. You bet that's selling it. How you're blinded by nothing but white, how the shuttering sound of the cameras proportionally doubles. Oh, you're certain they're getting a nice shot of your faces so close together.

"You know what'll be fun?"

"What?"

"Seeing these photos of us all over the internet later." Much like your manager was earlier, Suguru's way too casual about this. There must be some sort of art that one hones when reaching a point of fame so high. Desensitization? Possibly.

By the time he's led you into a nearby café, you swear you've forgotten how to walk. It takes a while for your eyes to adjust to the light (you know, normal light that isn't threatening to seize your vision, permanently). Do people usually get this dizzy after having their eyes go raw from being smothered in blinding glares? You'll have to ask Suguru once you've caught your breath. For now, your utmost priority is finding anything to rest your tired legs on.

"Those are the types of people you've gotta look out for."

Sitting down on the chair that Suguru's oh-so-courteously pulled out for you, you glance around your surroundings. However, you fail to detect anything out of the blue. The place is as ordinary as one would expect. High-end café with high-end patrons. Everyone's minding their own business. A few couples on a date, some customers with their laptops out, a group of teenagers huddling at a table. It's as serene as could possibly be. Your gaze lands upon the booth Suguru nods at.

"A normal girl studying? It's exam season, Suguru. Unlike paparazzi, these people aren't obsessed with us. She probably doesn't even know who we are..."

"Mm. That's what she wants you to think." Your raised brow of silent judgement makes him chuckle. "Trust me. We just need to... give her some bait to bite."

. . .

When Suguru had mentioned bait, you weren't expecting this.

The cold emitting from his snakebites and lip-ring send a shudder through your body. The piercing on his tongue doesn't help things in the slightest. Stampeding into your heart far better than those cameramen from earlier could ever wish to, Suguru's kissing you with such unrelenting desire that you feel like you're floating; transcending into some other dimension: one filled with him, him, him, and only him.

He coaxes your bottom lip open into a pout with his thumb while whispering praises against your flesh. It's numbingly good. Your thoughts swing like a pendulum; back and forth, never-ending. This is all fake, all a hoax to lure the media's attention elsewhere. You're not supposed to like it. In spite of that, why does your heart yearn for more? His hands that cradle your face, the soft yet pleasantly indulgent groan he lets out at the taste of your lips... it's driving you up a wall.

Nowhere else to go, your own hands find purchase on his biceps, squeezing the firm flesh beneath your fingers. God, you don't ever want to let go.

It's enough to send you spiraling, heart beating so fast it might just leap out your chest. If making out with the most reverent idol was on your bucket-list, you've got all liberties to cross it out now.

"You're good at this."

Cross off being complimented for your kissing prowess, too, if it was on the list.

"... you think so?"

Abruptly, however, like all things do, the heated session between Suguru and you comes to an end.

Flash.

A blur speeds right past you and out of the café doors. A reporter disguised as a student, huh? It turns out that Suguru was right. Maybe he does have an acquired skill for weeding out people like these.

"Told you she'd bite." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

#geto suguru #jjk suguru #jujutsu kaisen suguru #idol au #suguru geto x reader #fake dating #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu geto

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sunoosets · 2 years ago

Text

banda x reader

[2.2k words.]

[Warning: Banda Sunato - A literal serial killer. Smutty🤭 I heard people were down bad for this guy. Probably OOC, I was only experimenting. Public fucking, choking, slight degradation, slight non-con, orgasm denial, biting, fingering, dirty talk. I think that's all😬.]

Probably one of my favs that I have done so far..

Solitary confinement, what an interesting game for an interesting girl. I was more than accustomed to the concept of prison cells, and lonesome nights against drab, grey walls. I was comfortable with the types of people I'd find in such locations and knew, like the mildly intelligent person I was, that no one here was to be trusted. Nor did they, in turn, deserve my trust. That's not to say I couldn't pass on a fake, deceiving type of trust.

I hummed at my pickings. Groups of wavering souls, dividing into groups, lead simply by one being. They were sheep - Lost puppies. Born into this hellish scape just to follow. That, in itself, was a sign of weakness. Naivety and too much trust in one leader could spiral into consequences no man would desire.

"Tell me my suit and I'll say yours." A voice spoke, with much desperation. Yet in their tone, an unattractive amount of force rose to the surface. I lifted my brows, turning to face the man beside me. He appeared edgy. With dark, messy hair, that draped over his left eye like a patch.

"Bold." I stated simply. Flicking my gaze up his pathetic stance. "Are you really that desperate?" I questioned and the man lowered his head into a nod. "Answer this." I whispered, toning down my voice, and stepping closer to his form. He tensed, face disturbingly easy to read. "Why should I inform you?" I spoke, eyes dropping to his mouth.

"Uh." He appeared stuck. "I- I'll tell you yours? It's a good deal!" He seemed unsure, and his words wavered. I scoffed and took in his features. Scanning the regret in his one visible eye. "I can ask anyone in this room. You're not special." My face fell and I spoke with such an earnest tongue, his eye widened and he backed away from my figure. "I'm sorry ma'am. I'll ask someone else." He bowed, scurrying off in such a pathetic manner, I almost became disgusted. Though the obvious power I held over him seemed to lift my mood.

I watched, criticizing him as he asked a fellow participant. One that had previously caught my eye. Banda Sunato. A tall, broad-shouldered man. With a charismatic smile, and appealing puppy shaped eyes. He was handsome, gorgeous, pretty, but a fucking psycho. He was a serial killer, the causing death of four innocent women. Almost five..

Fortunately, the fifth famously escaped his grasp. Ultimately giving him in and enduring a harsh several months with him in court. He was sentenced to death, and the woman was pleased with her work, though that only ignited more anger in her jaws as she clenched them at the sight of her almost killer.

I was the fifth.

Banda freed a held-back frustration within my features. I loathed him, and the way he spurred butterflies against the lining of my stomach made me despise him more. A love-hate relationship with a convicted murderer.

I had been staring, and the thoughts spiralled until I caught his eyes. Amused, and gleaming against the light as he traced his hungry gaze across my skin. I was the one who got away. The one he had sworn to find, capture and kill if seen again.

He stretched out his neck and straightened his posture. All attention had been sweeped from the edge lord by his side, and now his undivided awareness was set on me. I swallowed, averting my gaze before settling on heading toward the cafeteria. There was no need to be afraid. I was safe, for now.

I hastily took my feet down the dark, dusted floors. Landing myself in a large room, packed from the ground to the ceiling in a wide variety of snacks. I composed myself. Slipping my hand from my side and sliding my fingers over a packet of cookies.

"How fortunate am I?"

"I don't want to speak to you." I replied bluntly. Fixing my hair as I plucked my desired snack from it's place. I spun on my heel, only to meet Banda's fiery gaze. Set on nothing but my face. My breath hitched and he took my arms, sticking me to the shelves, and trapping me with his chest and ribs. "Oh, but you wanted to speak on that night.." He whispered, a sense of teasing in his tone. I remained still, disgust reaching my expression as he lowered his head. Keeping eye-contact until he reached my jaw. "You were more than pleased to cry out my name."

He planted his soft lips on my skin. Kissing my jawline with such a delicacy, you wouldn't have thought he was a serial killer. A monster. "I wouldn't do that." I strained my voice, tilting my head away from his touch. Something burned against my face and I cursed at how obvious my flusterment had become. My chest twisted at the feel of his rough palms. Falling onto my hips, and holding me into place. He gripped harder, releasing a low chuckle against my ear. "Why's that, baby?" He found this fascinating. Almost hilarious.

There was no use in me fighting back, yet I couldn't let him know how much my body craved him. "You're pathetic, thinking I don't know how much you need me." He whispered sternly, lifting his head and setting his intense stare on my eyes. "You think I don't know what's going on down here?" He questioned, though it was rhetorical, as his left hand stroked my inner thigh, and suddenly his slender fingers trailed over the wet patch on my pants.

"I'm not scared of you." I managed out, through the gap in my lips. "No?" He asked. "You should be." Two of his fingers hooked my pants, and moved the fabric to the side. I gasped lightly at the contact of cold air, until my clit was met with his fingertip. Gliding between my folds and brushing over my sensitive heat. "You really should be." He repeated, but lower, against the skin of my neck. He licked at my throat, and sucked at the flesh, all while he slipped in one of his thin fingers. He curled it inside of me, provoking a soft moan from my lips. "You.." I froze, squeezing my eyes shut. "You can't kill me...weapons and murder are.." A chuckle was muffled by my damp skin, and Banda sunk a second finger inside of me. "Prohibited!" I cried, biting harshly on the flesh of my lip.

"I can still fuck you." He whispered, lips brushing over my neck. Leaving the ghost of a kiss. He raised his head and glared deep into my glossed over eyes. His lips twitched into a smirk - Sadistic, but undeniably attractive. He lifted his spare hand and set it gently on my cheek. "Y/n, y/n." He spoke my name and I bit down harder. Mistakenly pushing my hips down against his fingers. They pumped into me, luring my orgasm, as well as the truth of my fondness for him.

He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, tilting and letting his head fall subtly to the side. "This won't be fun unless I fuck you into insanity." He stated. His tone soft, despite his words meaning. "So I'll only grant you a release when you admit how much you crave me."

My eyes widened. "Please.." I unknowingly whimpered, begging for him to cast me some sort of pleasure. He simply smirked at my desperate attempts, fingering me mercilessly until my eyes rolled, and my head slammed against the wooden frame of the shelves behind me. "Banda!" I cried, sweat forming on my brow. He swiped his tongue against his lips, removing his fingers and shoving the two digits between my lips. "Suck." He commanded, and I obliged. Swirling my tongue over his fingertips. Tasting my own arousal. He appeared content, slowly sliding his fingers from my mouth, and dragging down my lower lip. He dropped his hand and replaced it with his lips. Soft and rough. Moving against mine with such a deep passion, my body was again, heating at the interaction.

He pulled away and traced my pained features with his stare. How my eyes had became watery with the denial, and how my lips had became swollen at how hard I had been biting down. "Do you like the way I touch you?" He whispered gently, manoeuvring his hands to sit either side of my head. He pushed himself closer, and my inner thigh was greeted by his hard cock, clothed by his jeans. He rubbed himself over me, grinding into my soaking pussy. The soft fabric applied pressure to my clit, and the mere fact his twitching dick was beneath these confines made my stomach drop and twist. "Banda, please, I can't take this.." I admitted, whining as I gripped his broad shoulders. Steadying myself as I rocked on his boner. "Stop teasing me!" I cried out, whimpering and moaning at the feel of his warmth against me. Banda lowered his head, grunting against my earlobe. His hot breath hit my neck and I dropped my head back, parting my lips.

"I'll fuck you with my cock right here." He groaned, biting down on the skin of my neck. Leaving behind a fresh, purple mark. His teeth grazed the muscle and I clenched my thighs, brushing myself against his dick. "All I need is for you to admit what a whore you are for me." He spoke, breaths strangled as he sunk his teeth into my flesh. I let out a silent moan, opening my lips and closing my eyes.

"Fuck! I want you, fuck...please, Banda.." My voice lowered. "I don't care anymore, just fuck me."

I hadn't had to ask twice. His pants were already unzipped and his large cock had already been freed. He slipped the length into his hands, biting onto his lip as he pumped the shaft a few times. I composed myself, fingers curling over the edge of his shirt. I creased the fabric, and my nails dug into his clothed skin as I felt him enter. He sunk inside of me, grunting softly at the way my walls clenched and tightened around his much-wanted cock.

"Fuck." He whispered, pleasure and lust shrouding his mind. His breaths became ragged as he slid his hands up my body, across my exposed collarbone, and against my neck - Where he clamped his palms around my throat. Squeezing gently as he rutted into me. His thumbs rubbed, and circled my airways sensually. I was gasping, letting out strangled and strained sobs, mixed with hot, pleasured moans. "Ruin me...please." I let out an airy breath. Staring at his features through damp lashes.

Banda groaned, squeezing roughly around my throat as I choked. He filled me, sinking his cock into me until I began hyperventilating beneath his touch. "Fuck, like that." He almost whined, "Squeeze around my cock like that, baby." His breaths were airy and I moaned at the way he entered me. Fucking into me like an animal. I clenched around him, head going dizzy at both the lack of air and abundance of pleasure. "Banda!" I cried softly. "I'm gonna cum, please."

"Do you...think you're deserving of it?" He spoke, hesitating to catch his breath every few words. My eyes grew and I subtly struggled in his grip. "Banda!" I whined. He found that amusing, and lowly chuckled, inhaling sharply as my high arrived. He twitched and a short whimper fell from his wet lips. "Cum for me, baby." Banda whispered. "Cum on my cock."

He smirked, eyes filled with ecstasy, as he pounded into me. Bathing in the lewd moans I gifted him, and the way I recited his name. Crying it like a sacred prayer. "Banda, please!" I whined, squeezing my eyes shut as I gasped and came on his cock. He slipped into me, each thrust deeper than the last. His fingers tightened around my throat, and quite frankly, I felt as if I were on the verge of fainting. The pleasure was overwhelming.

"Fuck, Y/n." He let slip, moaning as his last thrust triggered his arrival. He pushed himself deep inside of me, slapping his pelvis and balls against me as he came. He filled me, breathing heavily as his cum spread against my insides. I gasped out a muffled moan. "Banda.." I whispered, eyelids fluttering to a close. My head tilted to the side and he sighed in pleasure. Taking his large palms and gripping my shoulders. I fell against his chest, too tired to lift my legs. "You love me." Banda whispered, pride filling his malicious smile. He fixed himself up before grasping my legs, and handling me into a bridal hold. "You wish.." I breathed out against his chest, smirking with the remainder of my energy. I could feel his heartbeat, and his chest shake as he chuckled.

Grey smeared past me in the form of cell walls. Though I couldn't be too sure. My consciousness drifted past me, circling over my dazed head like a sea.

"I see I haven't fucked you into insanity yet?" He breathed. An obvious smirk on his features. "Round two?"

#aib #aib x reader #aib smut #banda sunato #banda x reader #banda sunato smut #banda alice in borderland #banda smut #smut

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 8 months ago

Text

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-adults-are-still-in-charge-at-the-university-of-florida-israel-protests-tents-sasse-eca6389b

The Adults Are Still in Charge at the University of Florida

By: Ben Sasse

Published: May 3, 2024

Higher education isn’t daycare. Here are the rules we follow on free speech and public protests.

Gainesville, Fla.

Higher education has for years faced a slow-burning crisis of public trust. Mob rule at some of America’s most prestigious universities in recent weeks has thrown gasoline on the fire. Pro-Hamas agitators have fought police, barricaded themselves in university buildings, shut down classes, forced commencement cancellations, and physically impeded Jewish students from attending lectures.

Parents are rightly furious at the asinine entitlement of these activists and the embarrassing timidity of many college administrators. One parent put it bluntly: “Why the hell should anybody spend their money to send their kid to college?” Employers watching this fiasco are asking the same question.

At the University of Florida, we tell parents and future employers: We’re not perfect, but the adults are still in charge. Our response to threats to build encampments is driven by three basic truths.

First, universities must distinguish between speech and action. Speech is central to education. We’re in the business of discovering knowledge and then passing it, both newly learned and time-tested, to the next generation. To do that, we need to foster an environment of free thought in which ideas can be picked apart and put back together, again and again. The heckler gets no veto. The best arguments deserve the best counterarguments.

To cherish the First Amendment rights of speech and assembly, we draw a hard line at unlawful action. Speech isn’t violence. Silence isn’t violence. Violence is violence. Just as we have an obligation to protect speech, we have an obligation to keep our students safe. Throwing fists, storming buildings, vandalizing property, spitting on cops and hijacking a university aren’t speech.

Second, universities must say what they mean and then do what they say. Empty threats make everything worse. Any parent who has endured a 2-year-old’s tantrum gets this. You can’t say, “Don’t make me come up there” if you aren’t willing to walk up the stairs and enforce the rules. You don’t make a threat until you’ve decided to follow through if necessary. In the same way, universities make things worse with halfhearted appeals to abide by existing policies and then immediately negotiating with 20-year-old toddlers.

Appeasing mobs emboldens agitators elsewhere. Moving classes online is a retreat that penalizes students and rewards protesters. Participating in live-streamed struggle sessions doesn’t promote honest, good-faith discussion. Universities need to be strong defenders of the entire community, including students in the library on the eve of an exam, and stewards of our fundamental educational mission.

Actions have consequences. At the University of Florida, we have repeatedly, patiently explained two things to protesters: We will always defend your rights to free speech and free assembly—but if you cross the line on clearly prohibited activities, you will be thrown off campus and suspended. In Gainesville, that means a three-year prohibition from campus. That’s serious. We said it. We meant it. We enforced it. We wish we didn’t have to, but the students weighed the costs, made their decisions, and will own the consequences as adults. We’re a university, not a daycare. We don’t coddle emotions, we wrestle with ideas.

Third, universities need to recommit themselves to real education. Rather than engage a wide range of ideas with curiosity and intellectual humility, many academic disciplines have capitulated to a dogmatic view of identity politics. Students are taught to divide the world into immutable categories of oppressors and oppressed, and to make sweeping judgements accordingly. With little regard for historical complexity, personal agency or individual dignity, much of what passes for sophisticated thought is quasireligious fanaticism.

The results are now on full display. Students steeped in this dogma chant violent slogans like “by any means necessary.” Any? Paraglider memes have replaced Che Guevara T-shirts. But which paragliders—the savages who raped teenage girls at a concert? “From the river to the sea.” Which river? Which sea?

Young men and women with little grasp of geography or history—even recent events like the Palestinians’ rejection of President Clinton’s offer of a two-state solution—wade into geopolitics with bumper-sticker slogans they don’t understand. For a lonely subset of the anxious generation, these protest camps can become a place to find a rare taste of community. This is their stage to role-play revolution. Posting about your “allergen-free” tent on the quad is a lot easier than doing real work to uplift the downtrodden.

Universities have an obligation to combat this ignorance with rigorous teaching. Life-changing education explores alternatives, teaches the messiness of history, and questions every truth claim. Knowledge depends on healthy self-doubt and a humble willingness to question self-certainties. This is a complicated world because fallen humans are complicated. Universities must prepare their students for the reality beyond campus, where 330 million of their fellow citizens will disagree over important and divisive subjects.

The insurrectionists who storm administration buildings, the antisemites who punch Jews, and the entitled activists who seek attention aren’t persuading anyone. Nor are they appealing to anyone’s better angels. Their tactics are naked threats to the mission of higher education.

Teachers ought to be ushering students into the world of argument and persuasion. Minds are changed by reason, not force. Progress depends on those who do the soulful, patient work of inspiring intellects. Martin Luther King Jr., America’s greatest philosopher, countered the nation’s original sin of racism by sharpening the best arguments across millennia. To win hearts, he offered hope that love could overcome injustice.

King’s approach couldn’t be more different from the abhorrent violence and destruction on display across the country’s campuses. He showed us a way protest can persuade rather than intimidate. We ought to model that for our students. We do that by recommitting to the fundamentals of free speech, consequences and genuine education. Americans get this. We want to believe in the power of education as a way to elevate human dignity. It’s time for universities to do their jobs again.

Mr. Sasse is president of the University of Florida.

This is the way.

Never forget that the "speech is violence" people have spent the last few weeks trying to gaslight everyone that their violence is just protected speech.

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robertreich · 2 years ago

Video

youtube

This One Thing Would Increase Wages By $300 Billion

There's a dirty trick many employers use to keep workers from getting a better job.

Some 30 million Americans are trapped by contracts that say if they leave their current job, they can't work for a rival company or start a new business of their own.

These are called non-compete agreements.

They block workers from seeing higher wages or better working conditions. And they enlarge corporate monopoly power by stifling competition.

But a sweeping new rule from the Federal Trade Commission would put a stop to these non-compete agreements.

The FTC estimates that banning them could increase wages by nearly $300 billion a year overall by allowing workers to pursue better job opportunities.

But non-competes aren’t just bad for workers. They also harm the economy as a whole by depriving growing businesses of the talent and experience they need to build and expand.

Experts argue California’s ban on non-competes was a major reason for Silicon Valley’s boom.

For several decades, non-compete agreements have been cropping up all over the economy — not just in high-paying fields like banking and tech but as standard boilerplate for employment contracts in many lower-wage sectors such as construction, hospitality, and retail.

A recent survey found that non-competes are used for workers in more than a quarter of jobs where the typical employee only has a high school diploma. Another found that they disproportionately impact women and people of color.

Employers say they need noncompete agreements to protect trade secrets and investments they put into growing their businesses, like training workers.

Rubbish. Employers in states that already ban these agreements (such as California) show no sign of being more reluctant to invest in their businesses or train workers.

The real purpose of noncompetes is to make it harder (or impossible) for workers to bargain with rival employers for better pay or working conditions. Workers in states that have banned non-compete agreements have seen larger wage increases and more job mobility than workers in states where they are still legal.

As we learn again and again, the economy needs guardrails — and workers deserve protection. Otherwise, unfettered greed will lead to monopolies that charge high prices and suppress wages.

America once understood the importance of fighting monopolies. Woodrow Wilson created the Federal Trade Commission in 1914 to protect the public against the powerful corporate monopolies that fueled unprecedented inequality and political corruption.

In 1976, when I ran the policy planning staff at the FTC, it began cracking down on corporations under its then assertive chairman, Michael Pertschuk.

Corporate lobbyists and their allies in Congress were so unhappy they tried to choke off the agency’s funding, briefly closing it down. Pertschuk didn’t relent, but eventually he (and I) were replaced by Ronald Reagan’s appointees, who promptly defanged the agency.

Now, under its new Biden-appointed chair, Lina Khan, the FTC is back. Its ban on non-compete agreements nationwide marks the first time since Pertschuk that the agency has flexed its muscle to issue a rule prohibiting an unfair method of competition.

The rule is hardly a sure thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if the radical-right Republicans, now in control of the House, tried to pull off a stunt similar to what the House tried in the late 70s. And corporations are sure to appeal the rule all the way up to the Supreme Court.

In the meantime, kudos to Lina Khan and the FTC for protecting American workers from the unfettered greed of corporate America.

#youtube #economics #money #FTC #government #politics #video #videos

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pseudowho · 4 months ago

Note

Hello Haitch!

These questions are powered by my curiosity~

1) If you were to be a baddie anime villain, what would your default outfit be? And what will be your theme song that plays in the background as you walk into the screen amidst dramatic blasts of rubble?

2) Thoughts on arranged marriages? As someone who has grown up all her life, watching arranged marriages, i can’t help but overthink things, and question if I wanna subject myself to it etc.. but at the same time I do see the appeal

3) Any word of advice you wish you could’ve given to your younger self?

4) When you feel yourself spiraling into a bad mood, or that negative mental headspace how do you fight it (because recently I can’t seem to snap out of it)

I hope you have a great evening, and thank you for your time!

xoxo

WHAT. I LOVE THIS. Full black outfit; turtleneck, high waisted jeans, heeled Doc Martens, and black leather trench coat that sweeps my heels (I own one like this!). Full face gold Filigree mask. Music: Can you see me in the dark? By Halestorm, or Popular Monster by Falling in Reverse. Not that I've er...thought about this a lot.

Depends on the extent of the 'arranging' and the intentions of those doing the arranging. I've seen anything ranging from almost acceptable, to flagrantly forced marriage. I have major concerns that arranged marriages have overall higher rates of domestic violence and abuse (though reported statistics are misrepresentative of the group, as less of those, particularly women, in arranged marriages who are being abused, are likely to come forwards.

You are deserving of love.

Seeing as I now know that my periods of depression and anxiety are caused by PMDD, I'm on treatment. But in reality, I try to rationalise my thoughts, allow myself to feel the feelings, cry on my husband's chest for a bit, and don't let one bad day ruin the next. I try to get enough sleep, and not being so fucking mean to myself.

You have a good evening too, sweetie!

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

#pseudowho #Haitch #pseudowho answers you

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lenbryant · 3 months ago

Text

(Long Post/The Atlantic) How Jack Smith Outsmarted the Supreme Court

And why the special counsel’s last-ditch January 6 filing may not matter

By Sean Wilentz

Special Counsel Jack Smith’s recent filing to the D.C. District Court in the Trump v. United States presidential-immunity case both fleshes out and sharpens the evidence of Donald Trump’s sprawling criminal conspiracy to overturn the 2020 election. To understand the filing’s larger significance as well as its limitations, we must first review a bit of recent history.

In its shocking decision on July 1 to grant the presidency at least presumed immunity from criminal prosecution for all official acts, the Supreme Court’s conservative majority showed once again that it was intent on immunizing one president in particular: Donald Trump. The Court majority’s decision, delivered by Chief Justice John Roberts, was explicit. It held, for example, that Trump’s alleged efforts to pressure then–Vice President Mike Pence into voiding the 2020 election results on January 6 constituted “official conduct” from which Trump “is at least presumptively immune from prosecution.” That presumed immunity, the Court contended, would disappear only if the prosecution could convince the courts that bringing the case to trial would pose no “dangers of intrusion on the authority and functions of the Executive Branch.”

The Court thus remanded the case back to the D.C. District Court to decide the matter, along with the question of whether Trump is actually immune to the rest of the charges against him. How, though, could the prosecution of a president or former president over an “official act” fail to intrude on presidential authority? Seemingly, anything pertaining to Trump’s contacts with the vice president as he presided in his constitutional role as president of the Senate—as well as Trump’s contacts with the Department of Justice, which the Court also singled out and which the prosecution, significantly, felt compelled to omit from its revised indictment—deserves, as the Court sees it, virtually ironclad protection, a powerful blow against the entire January 6 indictment.

Although the sweeping outcome of Trump v. United States took most legal commentators by surprise, its protection of Trump was completely predictable given the Court’s previous conduct regarding the January 6 insurrection. The refusal of Justices Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito to recuse themselves from any matter related to the insurrection, despite their own conflicted positions—Thomas due to the direct involvement of his wife, Ginni Thomas, in the subversion; Alito because of his flag-waving support of Trump’s election denials—has received the most public attention concerning the Court majority’s partisan partiality. But another set of telltale signs becomes apparent after a closer tracking of the Court’s decision making.

Almost as soon as the case against Trump came before D.C. District Court Judge Tanya Chutkan, the Supreme Court played along with the Trump lawyers’ efforts to delay the trial until after the November 2024 election. First, after Chutkan ruled against Trump’s absolute-immunity claims in December 2023, Special Counsel Smith asked the Supreme Court to expedite matters by hearing the case immediately, not waiting for the U.S. Court of Appeals to rule on Trump’s appeal of Chutkan’s decision. The Supreme Court refused. Two months later, though, when the appeals court ruled against Trump and set a new trial date, the Supreme Court dragged its feet for as long as possible before announcing that it would take up the case after all. It then set the date for oral arguments as late as possible, at the end of April. This meant that even before hearing the case, the Court made it highly unlikely that Trump’s trial would proceed in a timely manner, effectively immunizing Trump until after the election.

Although radical in its long-term reconstruction of the American presidency, the ruling more immediately affirmed and extended the Court’s protection of Trump from prosecution. By remanding the case to the D.C. Circuit Court to decide what in the indictment constitutes official (and, therefore, presumably immune) conduct, the justices guaranteed that no trial would occur until after Election Day. After that, meanwhile, should Trump win the election, no trial would occur at all, because he would certainly fire Smith and shut down the proceedings.

Smith’s filing tries to slice through the Court’s security shield regarding the insurrection. Skillfully quoting from or alluding to language in the Court majority’s own opinion, the filing demolishes the notion that Trump’s activities, culminating on January 6, deserve immunity. Outwardly, Smith’s filing respects the Court’s dubious ruling about the immunity of official presidential acts. Legally, Smith had no choice but to operate within that ruling, a fact that sharply limited how far his filing could go. But even though it never challenges the conservative majority directly, the filing makes a case, incontrovertible in its logic and factual detail, that the core of Trump’s subversion involved no official actions whatsoever. It persuasively argues, with fact after fact, that Trump was the head of an entirely private criminal plot as a candidate to overthrow the election, hatched months before the election itself.

In remounting his case, Smith has taken the opportunity to release previously unknown details, some of which he says he doesn’t even plan to present at trial, that underscore the depravity as well as the extent of Trump’s criminal actions. Consider, for example, Smith’s telling of Trump’s reaction to the news from one of his staff, at the height of the violence on January 6, that his tweets attacking Pence had placed Pence’s life in extreme danger. “So what?” Trump reportedly replied. He had clearly intended for his tweets to reach the mob at the Capitol. His nonchalance about the vice president’s life epitomizes the lengths to which he would go to complete his coup d’état.

But the real force of Smith’s filing is in its tight presentation of the evidence of a criminal conspiracy in minute detail, dating back to the summer before the 2020 election, when Trump began publicly casting doubts on its legitimacy should he not be declared the winner. “The only way they can take this election away from us is if this is a rigged election,” he told the Republican National Convention in his nomination-acceptance speech in August 2020.

From that point forward, Trump was at the center of every effort to keep him in power, even once he was fully aware that he had no grounds to contest Joe Biden’s victory. There were his private operatives sowing chaos at polling places and vote-counting centers, the scheming to declare victory on Election Night before the results were in, the bogus legal challenges, the fake-elector fraud, the plot to deny official certification by Congress on January 6, and finally the insurrection itself. “It doesn’t matter if you won or lost the election,” one witness reports Trump saying. “You still have to fight like hell.”

The crucial point to which the filing unfailingly returns is that none of Trump’s actions listed in the revised indictment, even those that the Court cited as “official,” deserves immunity. As Smith makes clear, the Framers of the Constitution deliberately precluded the executive branch from having official involvement in the conduct of presidential elections. The reason was obvious: Any involvement by a president would be an open invitation to corruption. To make the case that any such involvement falls within a president’s official duties would seem, at best, extremely difficult.

It is here that Smith turns the Court’s Trump v. United States ruling to his own advantage. Concerning specific charges that Trump’s speechmaking contributed to the insurrection, the Court allowed that “there may be contexts in which the President speaks in an unofficial capacity—perhaps as a candidate for office or party leader.” Quoting from an earlier Court decision, the ruling then states that determining these matters would require that the district court undertake “objective analysis of [the] ‘content, form, and context’” of the speeches in question, a “necessarily fact-bound analysis.” Likewise, regarding the allegations apart from Trump’s supposedly official communications and public speeches, the justices enjoined the district court, on remand, to “carefully analyze” those charges “to determine whether they too involve conduct for which the President may be immune from prosecution.”

Citing those exact phrases as the Court’s standard of inquiry and proof, Smith then offers evidence that every count in the revised indictment concerns either technically official conduct undeserving of immunity or unofficial conduct involving Trump’s private actions as a candidate and not his official duties as president. These actions include his efforts to pressure state officials, preposterously presented by Trump’s defense attorneys as official inquiries into election integrity. They include his conversations about elector slates, about which the president has no official duties. They also encompass all of his speechmaking about the allegedly crooked election, up to and including his incitement at the January 6 rally at the Ellipse, which was not an official function.

Above all, Smith nails down a matter that the Court’s opinion went out of its way to declare “official” and presumably immune: Trump’s efforts to pressure Pence into declining to certify Biden’s win. Although the filing acknowledges that the Court had held that these conversations between Trump and Pence about “their official responsibilities” qualified as “official,” it rebuts the presumption that those discussions therefore qualify as immune. The filing observes that the discussions did not concern Pence’s duties as president of the Senate “writ large,” but only his distinct duties overseeing the certification of a presidential election—a process in which a president, whether or not he is a candidate for reelection, has, by the Framers’ considered design, no official role.

Here the logic of Smith’s argument cuts to the quick. By the Court majority’s own standard, as stated in its Trump v. United States decision, the presumption of immunity for official actions would disappear only if a prosecutor could demonstrate that bringing criminal charges against a president or former president would not present “dangers of intrusion on the authority and functions of the Executive Branch.” Because certification of a presidential election, the subject of Trump’s “official” pressuring, involves neither the authority nor the functions of the executive branch, the immunity claims concerning that pressuring are therefore groundless—according to the Court majority’s own logic.

The rest of Trump and Pence’s interactions do not even qualify as official, Smith shows. In all of their other postelection, in-person conversations and private phone calls, Trump and Pence were acting not in their capacities as president and vice president but as running mates pondering their electoral prospects, even after Biden had been declared the winner. If, as the Court itself has stated, context is important with regard to speechmaking, so it is important with regard to communications between the top officials of the executive branch. To be sure, Smith allows, Trump and Pence “naturally may have touched upon arguably official responsibilities,” but “the overall context and content of the conversations demonstrate that they were primarily frank exchanges between two candidates on a shared ticket”—strictly unofficial conduct.

In all, by recasting the case against Trump in view of the Court’s immunity decision, Smith has drawn upon that very ruling to establish that none of Trump’s actions in connection with January 6 cited in the revised indictment is immune from prosecution. And in doing that, he has further discredited an already discredited Supreme Court.

Unfortunately, important as it is with respect to Smith’s specific case, the filing cannot come close to undoing the damage that Trump v. United States has wrought, with its authorization of an authoritarian American regime. The very fact that Smith had to omit from both his revised indictment and his filing Trump’s nefarious but official dealings with the Justice Department, including his brazen hiring and firing of top law-enforcement officials on the basis of who would do his personal bidding, shows how fearsomely the Court’s immunity decision has constrained the special counsel. There was a great deal more criminal behavior by Trump and his co-conspirators, as laid out in detail in the House January 6 committee report, that Smith could not touch because the Court has effectively immunized it as “official” activity under the executive branch’s authority.

These limitations show all over again how the Court has given the president absolute license to rule like a tyrant, against which even the ablest special counsel is virtually powerless. Nothing in Smith’s filing alleviates Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s judgment in her forthright dissent in Trump v. United States that the decision empowers the president, acting in his official capacity, to order the assassination of political rivals, to take a bribe in exchange for a pardon, to organize a military coup with impunity: “Immune, immune, immune.” That Smith managed to outsmart the Court as much as he did is a remarkable feat that could have important results—but only if Kamala Harris succeeds in winning the presidency.

On the basis of their past decisions, it is reasonable to expect that both the D.C. district court under Judge Chutkan and the U.S. Court of Appeals will rule in favor of Smith. Trump v. United States would then go once again before the Supreme Court. This will happen if Harris wins the election, because a Justice Department under her administration would almost certainly allow Smith to remain to continue prosecution of Trump. What, then, would the Court do? Would it uphold those decisions and throw Trump upon the mercy of a D.C. federal jury? Or would it strike those decisions down, thereby redoubling the disgrace it earned the first time around?

The only way the Court can avoid that dilemma is if Trump wins the election, an outcome that its conservative majority would now have all the more reason to desire. But what happens if, as seems highly possible, the election leads to litigation, much as the 2020 election did, only this time the Court is left to make the final decision? Will the Court then intervene as Trump’s enabler once again, installing him as a constitutionally tainted president, allowing him to kill the indictment against him, and to pardon those convicted of violent crimes in the attack on the Capitol whom he calls “hostages”? The Court, in Trump v. United States, claimed that it was protecting the sanctity of the presidency, but if it aids Trump in his attempt to escape justice for his January 6 insurrection, it will further seal its illegitimacy while also sealing MAGA’s triumph—and, with that, the majority of Americans, not to mention the rest of the world, will pay a crushing price.

#refrigerator magnet #jack smith #special counsel #trump insurrection #criminal #corrupt supreme court #corrupt SCOTUS #vote #kamala harris #kamala 2024 #harris walz 2024

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chishiyasbiscuits · 3 months ago

Text

solitary! || banda x reader

[2.2k words.] [Warning: Banda Sunato - A literal serial killer. Smutty🤭 I heard people were down bad for this guy. Probably OOC, I was only experimenting. Public fucking, choking, slight degradation, slight non-con, orgasm denial, biting, fingering, dirty talk. I think that's all😬.]

I was the fifth.

"How fortunate am I?"

"Fuck! I want you, fuck...please, Banda.." My voice lowered. "I don't care anymore, just fuck me."

Grey smeared past me in the form of cell walls. Though I couldn't be too sure. My consciousness drifted past me, circling over my dazed head like a sea.

"I see I haven't fucked you into insanity yet?" He breathed. An obvious smirk on his features. "Round two?"

#alice in borderland #alice in borderland smut #smut #banda #banda x reader #chishiyasbiscuits

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c-optimistic · 4 months ago

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For months now, I’ve watched in horror as posts about genocide and stopping a war have stopped and turned into talking points for the election. ‘Vote blue no matter who’ I see plastered everywhere, as though this messaging is anything but a fresh coat of paint over a rotten and dirty and collapsing structure, unable to hide the stench or the oozing of the blood of those who suffer every single day under the policies enacted by the current administration.

I don’t particularly care who any of you vote for. And I’m happy to reassure you I live in a red state where my vote is meaningless. I just don’t really comprehend this refusal to admit that we’ve been down this road before. ‘We gotta save our democracy,’ and ‘don’t you know that we’ll be living in Gilead,’ and ‘how can we save anyone else unless we secure our rights first?’

A lot of people much smarter than me, more eloquent than me, with bigger followings than me, have spoken on this. And I don’t particularly care to rehash political arguments beyond pointing out one thing: when a party stops talking policy and starts only fear-mongering, we’ve already lost. Blame citizens united, blame the Supreme Court, blame lobbying groups, blame dark money, but at the end of the day, the two parties have far more in common than they have differences. They got the time to send billions worth of weapons to kill innocents, got the time to ban TikTok, got the time to make the rich richer, and while they’re doing all that, they have us squabble over scraps. The red guys drape themselves in a flag and shout that the gays and immigrants are out to get them, and the blue guys drape themselves in a rainbow and say actually no, men with guns are gonna force us into nuclear families.

It’s funny, isn’t it. How both these parties get along just fine when it comes to money and murdering babies. But somehow, when it comes to helping vets or giving kids a good education or respecting a small government or caring about the environment or getting affordable healthcare, then the other guys are intransigent and out to get us.

I don’t care for the lesser of two evils argument. I don’t believe that our only choice every four years is to be scared enough to vote for a politician who seems to keep doing the same thing no matter whether there’s a R or a D next to their name. It’s heartbreaking to see people I respect choose to turn away from those who suffer in the name of minimizing damage, as though we’re all powerless somehow.

Most of all, I wonder if any of us truly comprehend what those who suffer at the hands of our policies hear when we say these things. That our safety matters more? That it’s okay for us to halt pressure on our elected leaders for the sake of a democracy that we’ve convinced ourselves we have? Do we think the homeless vet with cancer in California dealing with sweeps by a democratic governor has time to wait? Or that kid with polio in Gaza? While innocents are sentenced to death as a result of a broken criminal legal system and the democrats have—for the first time in over a decade—removed death penalty abolishment from their platform? We scream ‘vote blue no matter who’ and our tax dollars go to bombing kids in shelters, go to separating families at the border, go to funding wars and havoc and pain worldwide, and we ignore that both the nominees are more willing to appeal to the basest of human behavior rather than choose to make the world a better place for everyone and not just a few.

I didn’t watch the convention. I couldn’t. Why this celebrity worship of politicians who have done nothing to deserve the praise? Why turn our political leaders into paragons without reproach rather than what they all actually are: people. People who are corruptible, greedy, easily manipulated, and willing to sacrifice large swaths of innocents for the sake of their careers. Why should we celebrate either of these nominees? Why shouldn’t we instead demand better? Demand real policy outside of just ‘the other guy is worse.’ I know he is. That’s not the issue.

I don’t want slogans and pretty words. I don’t want to be scared into voting for someone I know will carry on a genocide, all in the name of saving myself. I want real actionable plans. I want to keep pushing those in politics to fight for something other than lining their own pockets. Civic duty is about more than harm reduction. It’s about more than merely securing the best outcome for ourselves. It’s about fighting, with each other, not against, for a fair and equitable society for everyone. I don’t believe we are without power, that true change is out of reach. They wouldn’t try so hard to silence us and keep us distracted by fighting each other if we didn’t have power.

And yet, I have no hope whatsoever that we will obtain any meaningful political change. Not today, not in November. Not for those children in Gaza, not for those unhoused folks in California, and certainly not for the average American, who has more in common with her flag waving and rainbow wearing neighbors than any politician.

But don’t you worry, I’m sure in four years’ time, we’ll all have a new bogeyman to be scared of, and we can start this whole process yet again.

#personal

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jeremy-queere · 1 year ago

Note

The major downside of the OCR squip song line is I have to live with the knowledge that Rich doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom </3

Still, wish they kept it. The best version is probably the off-broadway one, cuz not only does it keep the line but it also gives us an extra verse

(also hi this ask is an excuse to hear your opinions)

HAHAHA. Depressingly I would assume that's canon for all versions of Rich.

You gotsa tell me what extra vers you're talking about?? unless it's the bit I will rant about below bc

YES MY OPINIONSSS

so!!!!!!!!! christ this got long. you are not contractually obligated to read it

The SQUIP song is literally an infomercial. It is. And it's great and I love it. Way back in the day I did an in-depth analysis of a Heathers song line-by-line about how each element was used to make JD more manipulative. The SQUIP song deserves that too so. I'll see if I need to do that in this post?? We know what an infomercial is!

Random Google result for the structure of an infomercial brought up a guide on writing one. It defines the format as 4 sections:

The introduction introduces the product or service and the problem it solves. It should be concise and serve as an attention-grabber for the listener/viewer. It’s a teaser and should be written in an engaging and lively manner.

The product demonstration explains how the product or service works and its benefits. The product is presented in detail so the audience is informed of features and benefits.

The call to action encourages viewers to take action and purchase the product or service. Ideally it includes a special offer or some enticing incentive to get your audience to act.

The closing summarizes the key points and offers a final call to action. It repeats the benefits of the service, the special offer incentive, and where and how to buy the product or service.

For an example of this in song form, check out TWRP's The Perfect Product:

youtube

Lemme also google persuasive writing techniques... and one of them is just a list of fallacies, so let's head there for more SQUIPspo. And a list of infomercial techniques. I'll only include them if they're relevant to the SQUIP song, but Rich uses a ton of 'em so. Here's a sampling!

Appeal to ignorance - Your claim is true because there's no evidence against it. Compare with argument from silence - "assuming that a claim is true based on the absence of textual or spoken evidence from an authoritative source, or vice versa" False dilemma - An either-or problem without considering whether a third option is possible. Definist fallacy - Defining a term in a specific, emotionally biased way, making the argument hard to refute if the listener accepts the "loaded terms"' definitions. Divine fallacy - "because something is so incredible or amazing, it must be the result of superior, divine, alien or paranormal agency" Reification - "treating an abstract belief or hypothetical construct as if it were a concrete, real event or physical entity" Focus on the problem and its solution in the ad, not just the product/service itself. Talk about solutions and benefits, not features. Storytelling to connect to customer's emotion - including the power of testimonials Create a sense of urgency. "Because they know if they can’t get someone to act right away, they’ll come up with reasons and excuses not to act later" Add value by showing multiple uses. Use memorable phrases and taglines. Before/after comparisons Repetition Various appeals to emotion including fear, ridicule, and "Wishful thinking – arguing for a course of action by the listener according to what might be pleasing to imagine rather than according to evidence or reason" Argumentum ad baculum - An argument made through threat of force Genetic fallacy – a conclusion is suggested based solely on something or someone's origin rather than its current meaning or context

Infomercial programming is full of powerful words that sweep viewers into a world of possibilities. They structure their content to bring people to an emotional high thinking about how different their lives could be… if they only picked up the phone. Then, to hammer home the point, infomercials contrast that ideal situation with the viewer’s current reality. They point out how the viewers’ lives won’t improve and will only get worse if they don’t take action.

Also golly. I can't finish reading through this list of cognitive biases because it's too damn long but here's the wiki link anyhow. (Also in the above list, I quoted a lot of the sources without specifying which one - but then I remembered this is me just rambling about a Be More Chill song I like, not an academic report, so myeh :P)

OK FUCK AFTER ALL THAT. I guess it won't take much MORE time to do a line by line, huh?? I'm not going to point out which fallacy Rich uses and when because tbh I'm lazy. I worry that this is over-explaining because Rich's not like. Subtle. But whatever

Freshman year I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue I was a loser just like you

Setting Jeremy as the "before" in the infomercial with Rich as the "after." Also connecting the concept that being single = being a loser. Even though the focus of this song isn't about "getting the girl," that seed's already planted - not as an end goal, but that having a girlfriend is an important prerequisite to become like Rich.

Good times would only Soar by

This is important to connect to the "picture this" segment, so put a pin in this. Everything Rich says about himself is a descriptor of how he sees Jeremy and, therefore, how Jeremy should see himself. This is setting up the problem in order to create a solution down the line - or rather a huge host of problems: You're single, clueless, a loser, you miss out on the good experiences you're supposed to get in high school...

I was gross As every female would attest

Here, note that the boys' opinion of Rich aren't taken into account yet. Being "gross" isn't just a personality flaw or about something physical - it's a measure of one's worth in a way that can be objectively measured by how popular they are with girls.

This will also segue well into Be More Chill Pt 1 & 2 with the focus on Jeremy's slobbery.

My sexting was a futile quest My little penis was depressed He was so lonely Poor guy

More of the same in that sexual conquest is linked to self worth, but the language here is important too. Firstly, Rich is sliding in words like "depressed" and "lonely" without openly diving into those emotions. In fact, he's suggesting that feeling depressed and lonely (which again, Jeremy is meant to see in himself) is at its heart a sexual problem.

I'd also expect that, with the bathroom setting and the "confidence" line in the play, Rich talking about his penis is an alpha male dominance thing.

But! If nothing else, Rich was right that it speaks to confidence. The first thing we learn about Jeremy is his sexual frustration, which is an introduction for us about his feeling of powerlessness in his own life. The point isn't that Jeremy masturbates, but that he tries it unsuccessfully, making him uncomfortable, making him extremely self-conscious around peers, all of which he sees as his natural state.

Like, not to get too Freudian I guess. But Jeremy puts a lot of emphasis on his own dick (and balls... thanks, More Than Survive...) as a symbol of shame and lack of control. Rich picks up on this innately (stalls are for girls, Jeremy!). I headcanon Jeremy as needing testosterone shots due to being intersex and that he has a lot of body image issues related to this

I was Hopeless, hopeless I was Helpless, helpless

Repetition! Also like, alliteration/slant rhyme, but let's not get into that.

Every time I'd walk the hallway I would trip

Maybe more than the previous lines, this characterizes old-Rich (and now-Jeremy) as socially awkward. As far as we know, Rich doesn't have any mobility issues, so the image we get is of someone who's so anxious that they don't look where they're going - then accidentally becomes very negatively visible by creating an obstacle in the hallway.

I was Stagnant and idle

Connecting to Jeremy's I-want song - what Jeremy fears most is stagnation, of survival without thriving. We now know that the SQUIP would have known this, but for Jeremy, this probably just resonated unexpectedly.

I was So suicidal

Finally we get the briefest glimpse of Rich as a kid with genuine mental health problems. Jeremy doesn't express suicidality (until the SQUIP encourages him to). Because it doesn't apply directly to Jeremy, maybe that's why Rich hurries right past it to the next lines.

But arguably, if we're taking all of the SQUIP Song as disingenuous, this could be more of a threat. Like, this is the ultimate point that Jeremy is striving toward if he doesn't make a change and fast.

And then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then Then, then I got a Squip

I love this bit. The repetition really does serve to draw you in, put you at the edge of your seat. Almost reminds me of Jenna in how carefully crafted their stories are (in comparison to Chloe, whose retellings are always written much less engagingly lol because she has such a shallow grasp of the situations).

The "then"s acting as a drumroll are important imo to keep this from feeling like a blast of information that Jeremy's forced to listen to. And then? And then? And then?!

And indeed, Jeremy does finally express interest instead of immediately running for the hills.

Note that this section of the song officially ends the introduction and moves onto the demonstration. We have the problem established - now here's the miracle solution.

[JEREMY, spoken] You got quick?

Side note - I do love a lot of things about the Broadway musical and cast. Will Roland's high notes are gorgeous.

But in most respects I prefer the original recording because the camp seems a lot more... legitimately weird, rather than played up for fans. The dynamic between Jeremy and the SQUIP is just so vastly different in the Broadway version. Broadway SQUIP is a fun bombastic villain, but he never gets the chance to schmooze Jeremy the way that OCR SQUIP did.

Other lines suffer from the same melodrama, including this one. Broadway Jeremy says it fearfully, knees practically knocking together. But OCR Jeremy says, "You got quick?" like a confused kid who WAS cornered in the bathroom but is now just trying to figure out what the hell Rich is talking about, which is closer to how the audience feels too. The "then"s really built up anticipation for all of us (and I'm sure there's another musical explanation about waiting for the phrase to resolve or something).

[RICH, spoken] Not quick Squip

[JEREMY, spoken] I've just never heard of it before

[RICH, spoken] Yeah, that's the point! This is some top-secret, can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit

The SQUIP having a weird name isn't a flaw. It's a feature! Duh!

It's presented as secret, illicit, dark-web technology. That gives it an exciting air of mystique but also explains away any doubts Jeremy would have.

It's also, I guess, a way for the musical to skip past several chapters of Jeremy googling the SQUIP and selling stolen beanie babies

It's from Japan

Now this line! This bit, I feel like I still don't totally understand. Obviously it's playing on the early 2000's hype of Japanese products being high-tech, cutting-edge, and a little bit weird. Everyone makes it pretty clear that the SQUIP being Japanese is a major selling point. Unfortunately, I suspect it's there to sound, at some level, exotic and confusing and untouchably cool. Sort of like the tech version of "ancient Chinese medicine" (which is smacked on half the labels in the vitamin aisle no matter their origin to give them a false air of authenticity)

It's a gray, oblong pill

Very important to mention lol. Imagine buying a SQUIP without knowing what it looks like and then getting the tictac.

Look on a bottle of prescription medication and you'll probably find a similar description- "yellow round pill" etc. The "oblong" language links the SQUIP to not only being tech but being psychiatric medicine, which Jeremy immediately picks up on.

That medical aspect also lends the SQUIP some authority and legitimacy, which it will happily abuse when it tries to treat Jeremy's various mental health issues later.

Quantum nano-technology CPU

Technobabble, again making the SQUIP sound advanced and, if you don't understand it, YOU'RE the dumb one, Jeremy.

The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do

Honestly? Very up front. Thanks, Rich. Setting expectations! He's building a lot of hype about something hard to quickly describe.

We know from Jeremy reprising the song later that the finger tutting Rich does is a vital part of the message of the song. It's the demonstration aspect.

[JEREMY, spoken] So… It's like… Drugs?

[RICH, spoken] It's better than drugs, Jeremy

I always appreciate the condescending tone here, like Jeremy's a child who just asked a very silly question.

If we're getting in the weeds - which clearly for some reason I am - we can read this as an acknowledgement that, for a kid in Jeremy's situation, drugs are in fact good. Jeremy saying "drugs" cautiously informs us as an audience that he isn't especially familiar with drug abuse, which is probably important context for how we understand his and Michael's weed use later. They're not using drugs like "cool kids" - they're using drugs like "losers."

Basically, Rich is acknowledging that drugs are one way to cope with all the problems that Jeremy has... but they're not the solution. It also distances himself from the dodgy role of drug pusher, which would be very easy to see him as in this interaction. Rich sounds like someone who has tried drugs (which for a teen, implies money, connectedness, a way around authority, and an exciting danger) but doesn't even want them because a SQUIP is like drugs but better.

[RICH & (ENSEMBLE)] It's from Japan! (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) It's a gray, oblong pill, (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) Quantum nano-technology CPU. (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do. (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

Repetition legitimizes. Repetition legitimizes. Repetition legitimizes.

The chorus in the background sounds almost like a religious choir, raising the stakes, sounding inhuman and huge and overwhelming.

It tells you what to do

Now this may just be headcanon, but the way I hear this line, it's always as if Rich is trying to communicate to Jeremy that Rich is not the one singing the SQUIP song.

Jeremy, it tells you what to do (it gives you directions)

It TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO (IF I AM DOING SOMETHING. IT IS BECAUSE THE SQUIP IS TELLING ME TO. THE IMPLICATIONS JEREMY.)

Unfortunately, if that's Rich's goal, it doesn't work because Jeremy is used to having no power. He wants to be guided and have his own impulses set on the back burner. Rich thinks this is a red flag but Jeremy sees it like a racing flag being dropped.

It's preprogrammed (Ohhhhh)

As a description of features, this is pretty lame, right? You don't sell an iPhone by saying, "It can make calls. It has apps. Oh and also, it has its own OS :)"

This is just throwing words out there for the emotion of them, not the meaning. At best, we can argue that being "preprogrammed" means that Jeremy doesn't have to take responsibility for making any choices when it comes to the SQUIP's installation. Hooray.

It's amazing (Ohhhhh)

This is SO infomercially and I love it.

Speaks to you directly (Ohhhhh Ah ah)

Our first hint that the SQUIP isn't just a "thing" but a "being." For Jeremy, this is also a selling point, as per his I-want song.

You behave as (Ohhhhh) Its appraising (Ohhhhh) Helps you act correctly (Ohhhhh)

This section is so very tailored to its audience. Jeremy actively wants instruction. A personal trainer in his brain would be life-changing.

It's also a little insight into the ironically binary mindset of a SQUIP. They don't choose actions based on moral character, right and wrong. They analyze situations and categorize actions as correct or incorrect. Pass or fail. For Jeremy, who sees himself as constantly somehow failing at being a person (relatable), this is a breath of fresh air, of honesty.

[RICH &ENSEMBLE] Helps you to be cool

The book SQUIP didn't like the word "cool" because Jeremy conceptualized it as some weird unattainable state of mind: "Cool," capital C. The musical SQUIP doesn't have to worry about that (especially since they're in an audiovisual medium now). Instead, this underscores exactly what the SQUIP is supposed to do if Jeremy hasn't gotten the picture from the snapshots Rich has provided yet.

It helps you rule

Later called back as the kids "ruling" the world/school/human civilization/it's unclear, but for now, it's just about having a positive impact on the world and enjoying your time alive.

Previously, we described the SQUIP's physical features, its mechanism of action, and how you interact with it. Now we're taking it as something beyond a product that you can buy. You're not getting a SQUIP. You're getting a change in who you are. You can "be cool," which is about being perceived positively by your peers. But that's a passive action. The SQUIP can also help you to do... something vague and positive. It's easy to insert your own interpretation in this phrase.

ANYWAY we're FINALLY at the IMPORTANT PART OF THE SONG that they CUT to upset ME SPECIFICALLY lol

[RICH] Picture this:

We are comparing the before and after! This is the vital part of the presentation! We have the "before" of Rich being a mentally ill loner loser. Then he got a SQUIP, which can help you self-actualize. So it's stupidly important to demonstrate the consequences of installing the SQUIP in order to illustrate the goal Jeremy wants to obtain!

This isn't a vague promise of being cool. These are tangible, concrete improvements that Rich is living proof of. This is his testimonial of a positive SQUIP user experience. This is what Jeremy can strive toward and this is what he can obtain by buying a SQUIP.

This is the money shot, basically!

Nobody cares if you are late 'Cause even teachers think you're great

Nobody cares sounds like a loser thing... but it's flipped on its head. Nobody's paying you negative attention because people all like you. You aren't just cool with your peer group, but you have specific powers you can wield within the school for your own ends. You're no longer going to be bound to the schedule of high school, which is one of the biggest sources of disempowerment for Jeremy already - c'c'c'c'mon - he's constantly late, constantly uncomfortable, constantly belittled. But with a SQUIP, he can take control of his own time.

Realistically, this sounds a little weird, right? If a teacher is that invested in the high school hierarchy (hi Mr. Reyes), they're probably not doing their job that well.

But this isn't a realistic list of features. It's a beer ad with laughing faces, parties on the beach, bikinis. It's a smear of joy and bombast.

Your weekend's just a full-on slate of blowout benders

Jeremy's not only going to have friends, to be cool, but his everyday life is going to transform dramatically.

In Loser Geek Whatever, Jeremy explains that half of what he was proud of was just doing something he hadn't thought he was capable of before. This entire section is similarly aspirational. Jeremy hasn't gone to blowout benders before, but he envies the people who do.

Of teenage rockstar splendor

This is the height of the coolness promise! You're going to be incredible, Jeremy! You're not going to be alone ever again! You're going to be treated like a rock star, and what's more, you're going to know you deserve to be treated that way!!!

Right now you're Helpless, helpless You are Almost hopeless

I still don't get how Broadway skipped everything above and went straight down to Jeremy getting insulted again. The negging doesn't work without Jeremy having a clear future to look forward to.

Anyway, if Jeremy didn't realize before that the old Rich was supposed to represent himself, he does now with this further repetition. The word "almost," though - that's a hope spot. A tiny chance of redemption. The SQUIP isn't just a solution. It's Jeremy's only solution.

On the school's social map you're just a blip

This is given more meaning in its contrast to the idealized future Rich promised above. Without that context, it sounds like Rich is just insulting Jeremy to rub salt in the wound. But in context, it's reminding Jeremy that he's not at rock star status and can't hope to get there on his own.

But if you Take my advice

We're officially beginning the call to action, the if->then. Rich isn't selling you something, Jeremy. He's giving you advice because he sees himself in you.

and if you pay the listed price

I believe it's the OCR that has the threatening tone in Rich's voice for this one? I prefer that. It's a subtle threat of punishment (argumentum ad baculum!).

The "listed price" phrasing again makes this sound like a legitimate product rather than a back-alley deal, even with Rich pounding his fist in his hand.

If you wanted to get fake deep, you could again make the argument that Rich is warning Jeremy off by hinting at the SQUIP's price... but I truly do think this is more of a "bitch better have my money."

It's a nice contrast to the friendly advice, since Rich is Jeremy's bully, after all. This isn't too good to be true because Rich is demanding something in return.

I would call this part of the time pressure just based on Rich's demands outside of the song.

Well, then you go from sad to interesting To hip

We might see a person described as "sad" and think that's an emotion they're feeling. But no - this is who Jeremy is right now. He's a sad excuse for a person.

And it's not an immediate transformation. There are stages Jeremy will go through to get himself noticed and eventually admired.

I am doing the song a kindness by not paying extra attention to Rich using the word "hip"...

Your whole life will flip!

Again calling back to the rock star fantasy. This will change Jeremy's life. And Jeremy? Can it really get any worse?

[RICH & ENSEMBLE] When you buy a Squip!

This is the only time in the song where Jeremy is explicitly told what to do - and it's no longer "if" you buy a SQUIP. It's "when." You're going to do it eventually because you'd be crazy not to. Why not get started on fixing your life right now?

Rich is talking like he's already made the sale in between the lines "If you take my advice" and "when you buy." Confidence! This is also the conclusion of the sales pitch, when we're reminded that this is a tangible product that can be bought.

[RICH & (ENSEMBLE)] Hey, yeah, a Squip! (Ahhh, ahhhh) Oh, a Squip (Ahhh, ahhhh) Hey, yeah! (Ahhh, ahhhh)

Not much more arguing done here, but the repetition is pretty valuable for the weird "SQUIP" name. Rich is just building hype and emotion.

BMC ensemble is often what Jeremy, as our point of view character, perceives "everyone" to be feeling or doing. The ensemble isn't pushing a SQUIP on Jeremy, but they're in awe of what Rich is presenting to Jeremy.

No longer a drip when you got in your grip

Given the context of the rest of the song, I think it's more than fair to read a double entendre here as a callback to how the conversation started. Or maybe that's just my limp mack daddy game talking.

In any case, "grip" (along with, you know, rhyming with "SQUIP") is a strong word to choose implying power and, again, personal agency.

A Squip A Squip A Squip (Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

BIG FINISH!

#be more chill #squip song #rich goranski #mine

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