#Anyway. i'm gonna go read a lighter book.

[kahin]

yeah after reading thru a lot of this book (no i didnt read thru the whole thing) . yeah i can safely say a little life IS in fact just trauma porn. ppl who argue otherwise r kind of stupid bc the idea behind yanagihara writing it is "trauma that you can never recover from" but its . weird because like. people in jude's life DO care about him? he does get better at some point and then it was just. soooo cheap the way she killed off willem to force a plot point where wuh oh! see jude really can never get better because now he kills himself . are you crying yet. are you. are you. it says nothing deep the way the dialogue is written between harold and jude re: jude's self harming habits and even just some of the conversations between him and willem feel.... fanfic-esque. did i cry a bit at the ending? yeah i did. but it wasnt because i genuinely felt anything for the character i literally had enough. i'm sorry you can write a book regarding sexual abuse / drug use / whatever the fuck other heavy subject without beating your reader over the head with it. you can write a story where the main character does go through all that suffering without it feeling like misery shoved straight down your throat for 600+ pages. i feel so sick to my stomach in a way i haven't felt in years. do not read this book. final rating: 1/5.

[islayhawkin]

Let me help you

Newt x f!reader

Summery: you're both in love with eachother and newt pays you a visit in the med hut so you can take care of his limp.

Pining teenagers/feelings/slight hurt/comfort/ pure fluff

Trigger warning: mentions of injury and suicide attempt

part 2

The light was getting darker outside the med-hut and you could see the boys return to their sleeping bags as you pulled out a lighter and lit the candle on the table. Every day was like this. You'd take the afternoon shift in the med-hut, you'd have no work to do when it got dark, then you'd do some reading and wait for newt to pick you up. Somehow this routine developed over time. Newt had to do his evening round to check if everything was normal and safe to go to bed. The two of you weren't dating, though the others teased newt constantly about it. And if he would be honest he wished it would be true.

Ever since you came up he couldn't help but adore you. It was about a few weeks after his suicidal attempt. He still had his improvised prop around his leg and crutches to move around. His thoughts had been eating him up from the inside.

And there you were. Of course there was a big ruckus about you being a girl but after a while they all realised how much they needed you in their group. Between the boys there was rarely a gentle touch or loving words. You brought a bit more love, bit more home into their midst. And newt was probably the one most needing of it at that moment. You became a med jack and every boy tried to come up with various reasons to need to be taken care of by you.

Newt obviously didn't need to find a reason. You were the one searching him out. Looking after his leg every other day. Doing what you could to ease his pain even thought he was always terribly embarrassed of needing help. But he loved those moments. It gave him hope. He felt comfort, he felt loved and cared for just for a moment and he chased that feeling ever since. At first he didn't understand what this feeling in his chest was when he saw you laugh, or look at him, crinkle your nose...literally anything you did. He was just a kid after all.

But now he wasn't anymore and he could tell exactly what he was feeling.

Newt walked into the doorway of the med-hut and leaned against the doorframe. Deliberately released the pressure of his bad leg and leaned on his good leg only.

You looked up from your book and gave him a smile. You noticed that his hair was a bit wet and because of this a bit darker than usual. "Hey. You finished?"

"Yeah." He gave you one of his sweet cheeky smiles.

You scanned his form as you noticed his stance against the doorframe. A small frown building on your face. "Is your leg acting up?" You asked softly.

Newt looked down at himself. "Uh I suppose that bloody thing is giving me a hard time right now. But it's alright. No need to worry." He dismissed.

"Is that why you're here?"

"Wha- no I was just gettin' you. I don't need anything..." He broke your gaze suddenly very interested in the wooden floor.

You gave him a look and stood up. "I'm gonna help you wether you want it or not. We can do it here or in bed if we're going anyways."

He sighed as a slight blush crept up his cheeks. "No that's really not nec-"

"It is newt. I know you want it too. You're just too..." you gestured at him. "Selfless to ask for help. Has always been the same with you..." you shook your head slightly. "Just sit down please." You pointed to the nearest bed.

He dramatically sighed and limped over to it to sit down. "How long have you been walking around like this?" You asked softly.

"Week or so." He muttered meakly.

You gave him a incredilous look. "Newt! I told you to come. Bloody shank." You scolded him in a loving way.

He looked down in his lap again. "Sorry. It wasn't that bad..."

"Yeah you could've gone a bit more until you literally collapse like last time. I don't know what you're punishing yourself for but I'm not allowing it again."

"I'm not-" he sighed and looked up. His deep brown eyes scanning your face. "Okay."

The side of your mouth quirked into a smile. "Good."

You lit the little stove with the flame of the candle and set a pot of water on to heat up. Clint and jeff had improvised a heat pad and filled a waterproof bag with hot water a while back. It worked surprisingly well. You always used it for your period days.

Meanwhile newt layed down on the bed. His leg dangled from the side and his arms rested lazily behind his head. That's when you realised his damp hair again. "Why's you're hair wet?" You pointed out.

He grabbed a strand to inspect it. "Showered."

You hummed in acknowledgement.

"I need to show the greenie around tommorow." You could hear that he was tired. His accent was getting thicker.

"Why you? Alby's in charge of that." You raised your brows.

"Yeah but apperently he's gone nuts the last few days and minho told me to do it because I'm a warmer welcome. I need to do every bloody thing around here. These shanks can't do anythin' on their own." He muttered.

"True. They'd be in chaos without you to keep them in line. Honestly a lot of them have anger issues I'm telling you."

Newt snickered.

"You wanna walk around with that greenie all day? I can ask fry. Or minho for that matter. He owes me a favour anyways."

Newt puffed some air out. "S'alright." His head turned. "Wait he owes you? For what?"

You supressed a smirk. "You don't wanna know."

Now newt wasn't able to stop his thoughts from running wild of possibilities what you did for minho.

You filled the heat bag up with hot water from the pot and closed it securely. Then you made your way over to him again and sat down on the bed. You lifted his limp up slightly and as he noticed your intention he moved it over your legs so you had a good acess to it. You softly pushed the trouser leg up above his knee that you could see his naked leg. His leg was skinny and pale as the rest of him. It had hair on it but not long and they were blonde so you couldn't really see it.

Not that you were thinking about such things in this moment.

Newt didn't really think about his body. Other then the hate he felt for that bloody limp he didn't care about such things. They were stuck in the middle of a maze with old clothes that they had to wear everyday. Those things weren't important to anybody in the glade.

But when you were looking at his bare leg he always was nervous. His eyes watched you closely from the position he was laying in. You could feel his eyes on you but it wasn't unpleasent.

You took the heat pad and layed it on his knee, making warmth spread through his leg. It eased the throbbing in his leg as his muscels relaxed. You both stayed like this for a moment. Your hand surrounding his knee with the heating pad. Silence filled the hut but it was comfortable. After a few moments you removed the pad again and layed it to the side. "Feels good right?"

"Yeah..." He whispered.

You placed you hands onto his warm knee now instead. "You tell me if something hurts. No refrain."

He hummed contently and nodded slightly.

As you started to massage the area around his knee gently you watched his face very closely for any discomfort. He let out a sigh with a small unwilling sound making it's way out of his throat. The blood rushed into his cheeks and his eyes snapped to yours to look at your reaction. "Sorry I didn't mean to..."

"Sorry for what? Enjoy to get your pain eased?" You gave him a comforting smile.

"Yeah." He mumbled. Relieved at your reaction he tried to let himself relax again and slow his heartbeat a bit.

You stroked and pressed over his calf and stretched his leg softly. Bending his knee and stretching the fascia. Every move of you made was tender and deliberate. Made with care.

Newt loved the feeling of your hands on his leg. It felt heavenly and he never wanted you to remove your hands from him again. This continued for minutes in silence. Only small breaths that escaped his mouth were heard in the room. When you hit a particular spot he let out a "ow."

"Sorry. In what way did this hurt?" You asked softly.

"Uh in my knee."

"Alright. Sorry."

"Didn't hurt much..." he trailed off as you put your soft hand onto his knee and caressed it with your thumb as if to soothe it. The warmth spread through his leg again. Now because of your hand He blinked and swallowed hastily. You didn't move your hand, just let it rest on him. His heartbeat increased slightly aa he took deep breaths. For some reason there were tears behind his eyes.

"Does it feel better now?" You looked up at him with soft eyes.

"Great." He breathed out. Still a bit out of it.

You removed your hand reluctantly and pulled the leg of his trousers down again. You gave his leg a little pet and stood up from the bed. He rolled himself up to a sitting position again and watched how you extinguished the flame of the stove.

"I need to sleep otherwise the alarm won't be able to wake me." He jawned.

You chuckled. "Now then let's get you snuggled up." You ruffled his hair playfully and he gave a small protest. You picked the lit candle from the table with the other hand. The two of you made your way outside and newt secured the lock on the door of the med-hut.

You strolled side by side over the field to the homestead in the light of the candle and your arms were brushing against one another to seek the others presence.

"You know, your accents gets a lot thicker when you're tired or drunk. Drunk is so bad sometimes I can't even understand you." You noted as you looked up at him. The soft light of the candle flickered over his soft features and enlighting his hair in a golden hue.

A smile appeared on his face though he was a bit embarrassed about your comment as he didn't meet your eye. "Really? I didn't know that. Sorry I guess. You'll have to remind me when I'm drunk so I'll speak more clearly."

"Oh you're just speaking nonsense anyways when you're drunk." You nudged him with your shoulder and he laughed.

"You really don't understand me sometimes?" He asked still perplexed about these news.

"Rarely. But it happens sometimes yes. If you're talking fast. Or as I said when you're tired or drunk."

"Oh that's- didn't know it was that noticeable. Can't really do anything about it. I'm not aware that I do it." He shrugged sheepishly. You could clearly hear his awareness of it now and how he tried to speak more clearly without a accent.

"I wouldn't want you to change it. I like it." You grinned.

He looked down to you stunned. He'd never thought someone would like that about him. And the way you said it so nonchalant perplexed him. "You like it?" His voice was slightly higher than normal.

"Yeah sure. It sounds...nice to listen to." You looked ahead.

His cheeks bore a taint of red again. "I er- thank you. I never thought of it like that." You liked his accent. His voice. You liked to listen to him. Newt felt a tingling sensasion in his belly.

He opened and held the homestead door open for you. You made your way inside and up the steps to your room. You had a own as the only girl and alby and newt insisted on it for your safety. You didn't always use it as you enjoyed sleeping outside with the others too.

Newt and alby had a room together next to you as the leader and second in command. So you stopped in front of your respektive doors. "Night newt. See you tommorow."

"Good night Y/N. Sleep well."

You smiled at eachother before entering your rooms. You had a smile on your face as you tucked yourself into bed and thought of newt doing the same on the other side of the wall. Newt layed down in his bed too with a grin on his face. Alby gave him a knowing look but didn't comment on it. His limp long forgotten and the pain eased for a moment as the warmth spread throught his form. For this evening he felt at home.

[jenniferjareauwife]

i don't write for emily :/

// sorry! i forgot to say it’s jj x reader

Doyle

pairing: jennifer jareau x fem reader

category: fluff, hurt/comfort

warnings: stabbing

word count: 761

summary: jj looks out for you after you were stabbed by doyle and it blossoms into a romance

My vision was blurry and I didn't know where I was. Nothing made sense anymore. It was dark...there's Emily. She's...she's ok? She was smiling but I swear I heard screaming just a few minutes ago. What was happening?

I flinched when I felt someone's hands on me. Not him again. Please not him. I turned my head as much as it would go, feeling weaker by the second. "Hey y/n." She had blonde hair and looked familiar but I was too tired and weak to connect the dots. "It's JJ. We're gonna get you out of here, ok? Just hold on." I screamed in pain as I felt something get ripped out of my stomach before someone started stuffing something back in again. "They're just packing the wound, it's ok."

"JJ."

"Yeah. It's me." She held my face in her hands as she knelt above my head. "We're gonna get you home safe. Everything is ok. Emily is safe too, ok?"

"Hm." I groaned in pain.

"Hey hey, eyes on me. Just breathe through it."

"Hurts."

"I know it does, but it's keeping you alive." Her voice was quiet, it was really soothing. "We're gonna take you to the hospital now, ok?"

I woke up in a bright room, sitting a bit upright on a comfy bed. "Hey. You're awake." I turned my head and saw JJ. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she looked tired.

"Hi. Why are you here?" It didn't look like anyone else from the team was here.

"One of us had to stay back. I volunteered."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"I'm not babysitting you. I'm keeping you company. What you went through was traumatic. You shouldn't be alone." I gulped and nodded. "Are you hungry? I have a few jello cups."

"I'm honestly just really fucking tired."

"That makes sense your body has been through a lot." She moved her chair closer to me and handed me the jello. "You're gonna need some food anyways." I smiled, it was nice to have someone looking out for me.

Two weeks later I was still in the hospital and JJ hadn't left. She was with me any chance she could. "Hey. I brought you a new book I thought you might like." My chest felt lighter when I saw her, like my anxiety was gone now.

"Thanks." I took the book from her but I didn't read the back cover or the inside jacket.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"I've been in this room with you every hour for the past two weeks. I know your tells." She sat down in her chair and moved closer. "You can tell me. It's better to get it off your chest than to let it bother you."

"I don't want to be here. I hate being stuck here. I want to be out with the team, doing something. I want to know that I'm helping people."

"You are helping people and that's what got you hurt. It's ok to take breaks every once in a while."

"But I don't want to take a break."

"Hey. Listen to me." She grabbed my hand and I felt my heart skip a beat. "You're not missing out, ok? You're just doing what you need to do to be at the top of your game when you get back." I gulped, knowing she was right.

"Ok."

A week later I was finally discharged from the hospital. JJ had her arm around my waist for stability as we walked through the parking lot. "You ok?" She asked as I tripped, gripping my waist so I didn't fall and pulling me up. Our faces were inches away and I kissed her without thinking.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry-" She cut me off with a kiss.

"I was waiting for you to do that." My face flushed a deep red.

"Y-you were? I-I didn't even k-know you liked girls." She kissed me again, finding my stuttering adorable.

"If I didn't like girls would I be kissing you? Taking every chance I can to touch you?" I shook my head no, leaning in for another kiss. It was only the fourth one but I was already addicted. She just stared into my eyes, caressing my cheeks while holding my face like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. "Let's get you home, yeah? I'm sure you miss your bed."

"I really do." I got into her car and felt a sense of peace I hadn't felt in months as we drove back to Quantico.

[tonydaddingham]

Hi! I'm kinda here to ask for clarification on something you said; hope you won't mind^. You say that Crowley's dark grey comment is one of the more honest and introspective things he says: that kinda comes across to me like you saying that Crowley's saying he's mostly bad with a capacity for good* and that's a fair assessment of him. I would have said it's more that he's mostly good with a capacity for bad**, baggages worth of issues and a bunch of flaws, primarily related to arrogance***, but that's technically beside the point: I also felt like that was the direction your character analysis of him was going. I'm now wondering whether I misunderstood the dark grey comment or misunderstood the analyses... what does your exactly mean, exactly?

*Concepts decapitalised because I'm talking about more human than Heavenly or Hellish standards of good and bad.

**Concepts decapitalised: see above.

***Blinkered was the word you used, I believe? It's a lovely expression.

^This isn't meant accusatory and I did my best not to sound like it, but I know you've had to field a few asks about yes, you do like Crowley very much, your criticism of him doesn't mean that's not the case, and I can only imagine how annoying that must be: feel free to can this if it comes across that way.

oh anon sweetheart 💕 don't worry about the tone or wording - your tone is perfectly polite and courteous, and i thank you for that!!! others have not been as conscientious 💀 though, be careful what you wish for in asking this, because it's gonna be lengthy 🫠

how you interpreted it is exactly as i meant it; i do think, when taking crowley's characterisation in the show (his book characterisation, for me, is rather different), crowley for me is a darker character with the capacity for light, rather than the other way around. and im going to specifically use darker and lighter, as opposed to bad and good respectively, because upon reflection, maybe that's more accurate.

yeah, to me, he is a dark character; if you've read any of my other asks/metas, please forgive me for repeating stuff, but imo the narrative tells us that he is more commonly swimming in darker tendencies than light. feel free to skip the next part and scroll to here*, because i will be recounting specific scenarios off the top of my head (going in chronological order):

not really explored fully in the pre-fall scene, because it runs throughout the show as a prominent theme; crowley is either unaware of why he fell (possibly true), or blatantly lies to himself and others about why he fell (equally plausible). his story about it changes, or at best is simply told in fragments... but his overall demeanour of when (e.g.) he's confronted with news of the apocalypse ("why me?"), when coupled with this, suggests a tendency towards blame avoidance, with a hearty dose of chip-on-your-shoulder complex

tempts aziraphale into eating in job; it doesn't really matter whether or not aziraphale ends up liking food and wine or not - he rejects the wine, and crowley immediately changes tack to offer food instead, citing that he can't get drunk on it, and of course he's not tempting him (absolutely is) so it's fine. aziraphale may have been curious about it, and this may be what crowley picks up on, but compare this scene to where aziraphale offers muriel a cupperty, and doesn't push when they refuse drinking it... hmm. (perceived feeder kink or not, crowley's face at the end of this scene screams satisfaction at his corruption)

this one is a little iffy, granted, but adding it anyway - blatantly dismisses aziraphale's concerns about the arrangement (heaven would be rather angry, but nowhere near how hell would retaliate - "they'll destroy you!), and pushes anyway. it's again another case of pushing for what he wants (and yes, true, what aziraphale secretly wants - which crowley detects and capitalises on), dismissing aziraphale's worries that, as we can surmise later on, were not unfounded

lets the french guard be taken off to his death. this is debatable, depending on whether you consider the guard to be a good or bad person in the context of the reign of terror, and deserving of execution as a result, but they could have easily escaped the cell unscathed without unfreezing the guard - ultimately, who are they (yep, including aziraphale here too, he's equally as culpable) to decide if he should die?

in the same vein, sends two watchmen falling to their deaths down a deep pit, and his only remark is, "might have slightly overdone it on the hole..."

(this one is tricky, but it rubbed me up the wrong way on first watch and thereafter so im including it) when morag dies, crowley's handling of the situation only really serves - imo - to rub it in aziraphale's face, when he already feels guilty enough for the both of them. i realise that he had to labour the point to aziraphale, and was just being honest - fair, he has a point! - but it came across as simply unkind and uncharitable... again, towards someone we are assuming he cares deeply about...

this one is in fact going to lean on some interpretation, but i think it's one that is so widely implied in canon that i think it might as well be; something happened to crowley between 1827 and 1862, and within that time, i don't think he was on best terms with aziraphale, given aziraphale's coldness when he arrives in st james' park. so, we could - could - surmise that he just suddenly asks for holy water from aziraphale, something that would be dangerous for them both and seems to exploit their friendship. he doesn't adequately explain why he needs it ("just insurance" is not sufficient at all imo), and taking offence to aziraphale's use of 'fraternising ' then contextually feels a little hypocritical

lies to aziraphale about having experience with a gun, banking on using a miracle if need be - which ultimately puts aziraphale's 'life' on the line, rather than being honest. he may well just want to make aziraphale happy, sure, but aziraphale goes into the bullet catch without all the facts - his face when crowley admits he's never shit (edit: meant to say shot, obviously, but leaving it in for @fabledshadow💕) a gun before says it all, really

when aziraphale saves his life with the photo trick, he doesn't thank him, or acknowledge any kind of gratitude at all, that it saved him from a rather bleak fate at the hands of hell. he may well be insulting aziraphale's skills to dissuade him from a repeat occurrence of the bullet catch (fair!), but he is also insulting the very thing that got him out of danger... and the very thing that aziraphale obviously takes a lot of joy, pleasure, and pride in (and, yk, what crowley was actively encouraging just a few hours previous). it was justified, to a certain extent, but it was... unkind

(the Big One - so let's get it over with) tries to tempt aziraphale into killing a child - antichrist or not - and continues to persuade him into it despite aziraphale evidently being uncomfortable with the prospect. it also indicates how little he knows aziraphale in this respect; regardless of whether it would be the antichrist or not, this is the angel who tried to preserve humanity by offering a sword to pregnant eve, and was ultimately crucial in protecting job's children. even in mesopotamia, you can see how subtley appalled he is with killing children - despite him trying to rationalise it by saying it's the great plan etc. killing a child, id wager, would destroy aziraphale. i digress, but if crowley loves aziraphale as much as he (and the fandom) likes to think by s1, it's rather dark that he would try manipulating aziraphale into doing this in the first place, and return to the suggestion again not once (bandstand) but twice (airfield)

sets up an elaborate trick just to make a point to aziraphale on the use of guns, and then lets innocent humans get arrested on what i would say would be very serious charges in s1 (i mean, let alone firearms offences, arguably it could be charged as attempt murder 💀)

hits anathema and acts in such a way that he probably understands that he equally hit her and she hit him, yet is more preoccupied with fixing the bentley, something he could miracle repaired later on... as opposed to helping her back to her feet and ensuring she was alright. he also is prepared, after all this, to reject offering her a lift, excusing that there's nowhere to put her bike

backhands "clever" with "stupid", because aziraphale is doing something (trying to reach god directly as a last resort) he doesn't think is worthwhile. aziraphale finds out that that is true, but once again, im gonna ring the 'unkind' bell

doesn't tell aziraphale about what went down with gabriel, or how closely hell is keeping an eye on him, or the threat of the BOL, or that he's living in his car, or what happened in heaven/the issue of the second coming. there are loads of other little things too, but he lies by omission, whilst maintaining that he doesn't lie to aziraphale, and routinely keeps information from aziraphale - not only information that would be beneficial to share in the general sense, but information that directly impacts aziraphale, and comprises both of their safeties. has a tendency towards a hero complex that ends up either going wrong/unfulfilled ("i won't leave you on your own" then immediately buggers off to heaven) or attempts to remove aziraphale's agency and dismisses him outright ("i have a suggestion-" "ive got this.")

abandons aziraphale when he is set in doing something that is not only in his very nature to do, but when he does it because he doesn't have all the facts (hides jim). despite his assertion that aziraphale shouldnt do it because jim poses a threat, he then leaves aziraphale to face it alone. it's unknown how soon crowley would have come back to the bookshop if it weren't for the BOL threat - we literally do not know this - and he reluctantly does the apology dance (arguably when he wholeheartedly believes he was in the right) in order to be allowed near aziraphale again. it's also implied that aziraphale always does the dance, whereas crowley doesn't - which suggests to me once again the whole thing about crowley avoiding blame

pushes jim into remembering stuff despite it obviously causing him pain and discomfort - on one hand, sure, he's not certain that gabriel isn't lurking about in there, but he does it again in ep5 when, as far as he's assessed with the whole jump-out-the-window thing (a whole other thing that need addressing), jim is in fact... just jim

plays around with maggie and nina (the both of them do, and they're both at huge fault for this, it's insane) like they're toys, without any regard for their personal thoughts or feelings, as if they have the right to do this

encourages jim to jump out a window!!! okay fine, yes, he fears that gabriel is lurking in there and is doing it as a test, but even he looks somewhat alarmed when jim is clambering over the windowsill - and objectively it's an atrocious thing to do. and ultimately it doesnt exactly prove anything more than what he already knows; if gabriel was chilling in there, and was so committed to the bit to drink hot chocolate, call crowley his friend with a straight face, speak to crowley as such as friend, and generally act the way he does... if gabriel is that good an actor? well, i can't imagine jumping a window would be beneath gabriel to do, to maintain his cover. so to me, crowley realised that what he's asked has crossed a line

and, im sorry, but - kisses aziraphale. now is probably the worst climate imaginable (ie. the "do that again" era) to be discussing my take on the kiss, but my read has largely always been that it was a temptation, and a cruel one at that. it was desperate, and heartbreaking, and i understand why crowley did it - but it was imo a largely cruel and selfish manipulation for aziraphale to betray himself, and stay with him. i love the kiss for what it is and represents, but as a result i just... yeah, im not a "do that again" girlie, because i think aziraphale absolutely recognised the kiss for what it 'was'.

anon, if you have made it this far... im so sorry. it's been helpful to summarise all of it though, so thank you for giving me an opportunity to do so!!✨

*now. the thing is, the vast majority of these incidents, these actions and behaviours (and probably loads besides that ive missed) are not evil. they are not even necessarily bad, not in the classic sense. a lot of them have well-founded explanations, sometimes outright justifications, and it's totally understandable why crowley makes them (even just narratively ie. even without speculating or inferring in any kind of trauma he may have suffered behind the scenes if the story as it currently stands).

id argue, personally, that each one of these is dark in their own way - dark, in the sense that they are morally ambiguous at best, immoral at worst. they might not be bad on their own merit, but arguably it is possible to see them as wrong.

we can absolutely look at crowley and think he is good - and i agree!... to a certain extent. even if you oust a good few of the above examples, there are a few that, imo, if ignored or excused, kind of strays into blatant mollycoddling of the character. crowley absolutely has the capacity for good and right - his objection to the flood, saving job's children, stopping the apocalypse, helping aziraphale many a time, are all prime examples (even if you could argue against each of these which... well, this ask is long enough so another time, maybe) - and i think will ultimately be guided by what he considers to be the right thing to do.

but when i say that his assessment of being "very dark grey", the above is why i think this is him being either extremely honest, or accidentally incredibly insightful about himself. it's not necessarily a dislikeable thing to be - crowley being more dark than light - but given the evidence as i see it, he's aware that he's not a wholly good person, more one that leans towards the objectively immoral than otherwise, giving more weight to when he does do good. and the thing is, he regularly asserts this - being 'bad' - to aziraphale.

in doing so - constantly saying he's not nice, rejecting thanks etc - maybe, actually, it's not as humble or self-effacing as aziraphale, or the fandom, likes to think it is. why shouldn't we consider that crowley might, actually, be a bit of an anti-hero? it doesn't make him any less of an empathetic, likeable, or compelling character - it just simply acknowledges that he may not be as irreproachable or scrupulous character as we might like to think he is!✨

[cloudcountry]

I wanted to ask why you hated Idia so much back then and the reason you adore him?

im gonna start telling people to pay me whenever they ask why i hate(d) idia because ive got this question easily 20 different times and frankly i'm losing money by not accepting payment

im not writing all that again i'm so tired of explaining it over and over ughhhh its not your fault min its just i seem to be a skipping record with how often i've had to repeat the same thing over and over and over for a YEAR and people just KEEP ASKING like ok you want to know about my relationship with idia shroud PAY UP!!!!!

anyways...i havent written about the things i adore about him yet so...

first first first!! the thing that made me gasp the softest gasp i have ever gasped in my life when i first saw it...his pink hair. its a bit superficial i guess but now that i like idia i think he's stunning. he's so hauntingly beautiful, especially when he's just a little bit flustered and the tips of his hair turn pink. what i would do to see his whole head turn pink PLEASE.

i also think his smile is so silly, even though it's usually accompanied by his smug ass voice "should'a leveled up more!" SHUT UP!!!!! i love his sharp teeth theyre so goofy nd silly but in a cute way. honestly i think his scowl is cute too, idk maybe i just like his lips but watching them twist up in annoyance when he rolls his eyes is attractive to me dont ask i dont know either. does that say something about me? maybe. i'm content with not knowing.

onto less superficial things...i just finished reading book six yesterday and it struck me how idia's heart is genuinely so beautiful. he loves so gently and fully, but with devotion that would destroy the world if he let it loose. being loved and treasured by idia is a privilege, because once he lets you in he would do anything for you (just dont fuck it up or i will beat you up im being so serious LEAVE HIM ALONE)

the extent to which he cares for ortho is so beautiful and so heartbreaking. "leave it to your big bro" im dead. everything he does is for ortho to have a safe and fulfilling life and honestly...it kind of seems like idia is trying to pay ortho back in a sense? like you died (because of me), now i will spend the rest of my life mourning you as punishment. he wants to give him the best life possible and thats just so ourgourgouhgohou,,,, his grieving is so complex and yet its so simple. heartbreaking i tell you.

on a lighter note, he's very passionate about the things he's into as well. one thing about figuring our how to like idia was turning my reaction to his condescending jabs from "oh he's such a know it all bitch what the hell people are literally just indulging in his interests what is wrong with him?" TO "oh he's just excited and getting an adrenaline rush, it's going to his head. he's happy. :)" and that was absolutely growth on my part because. ok AUBURN LORE TIME but i used to have a friend who was very condescending and a HUGE know it all (irl IRL IRL) and i think they definitely impacted how i saw idia because i saw bits of them in him. and since they hurt me so much i projected my experiences with them onto idia, so the first time i met him in game i wrote him off immediately and hated him after i saw what he said to others and how he acted.

but one of the many problems with that approach was that i missed the gentler sides of him. the way he goes back to school for ortho. the way he powers through the masquerade social for ortho. his idea of yuu being "valuable emotional support." his love of cats, regardless of how bad he scared grim. his love of star rogue and the way he made the sequel actually happen, albiet unintentionally. i spent so much time resenting him because "of course he's just another one of those." that i didn't stop to notice anything about him except for those bad moments. and of course, i'm not ignoring them now, i just see them differently. i see him differently.

of course i love that he's relatable, and that he's smart, and i love how when he's comfortable he loses his filter and becomes idia shroud instead of just being Scared of them, but i think that's just. social anxiety. and yk what ive said this before but even when i hated him i would NOT stand for anyone coming for his anxiety. like yeah i hate idia shroud but BITCH GET AWAY FROM HIM. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ANXIETY IS LIKE!!! put me in nrc right now idia shroud needs someone who will yell at people for him and thats going to be ME. i dont care who you are you say shit you are earning my IRE. trey clover got yelled at. no one is safe.

can i just say i love how you said "reason" like there's only one JDSJSDJSD LMAO IDK IT WAS JUST FUNNY TO ME when i love someone i have multiple reasons and i love every part of them, even the bad annoying icky parts (in fact, if you can't love their bad parts too is it even love...? i dont know, we all have different definitions anyway. some might think tolerating their bad parts is love too and we'd both be right.) theres no one reason i just think he's lovely inside and out now. he's an angel, basically.

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c10. Kidnapped

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs.

song to listen to when reading this: Come a little closer, Cage the elephant.

abstract: hey this is Jude. you doing alright? you'd never guess who I saw! anyways, I'm almost content in this chapter and then I'm angry again. I've been angry my whole life guys I swear. also, had a special someone with me that night, can you guess who my passenger princess was?

She chuckled when he left the room. Skeleton mask, skeleton gloves, hell he probably had skeleton fucking underwear on. It seemed so out of character for him to be this nice to come all the way to her office and talk to her. He did seem a tiny bit uncomfortable, maybe he wasn't the best at social interactions. He had woke up happy and decided to be a decent human being for once. She didn't trust that his intentions were pure. Maybe he wanted her to speak about it cause he already heard from his friends and wanted the full version. You really want to know Simon, I'll send you the security cameras footage via email, that'll hunt you for a lifetime.

She had a busy day and had to stop thinking about their interaction for a few hours. She was in such a good mood she even had lunch, alone in her office, but still. Her thoughts kept wondering to the Lieutenant, his blue jacket and his thick arms, she had to compose herself when Sergeant Raul, her last patient of the day, had a panic attack in front of her. She got home late, exhausted. She went on a night walk with Jinx, cooked dinner and sat down at her table, her violent grinder and little jar with weed in front of her. She had some reports to finish, she had another two Nutcracker songs to choreograph. Her eyes lingered on 'The Pilgrimage' which she kept as a souvenir from her Sherlock CIA experience with the Arash case. She fished out a lighter from her bag and opened the book in front of her. She liked reading it, she enjoyed it. She had never been much of a religious person, though she was raised catholic. She respected the idea of faith, how it guided people, how it made them feel less alone. She had a thought. A tiny one. A sneaky suspicion. The little urge to lurk. It was a little lightbulb moment, a cinematic sequence in which the music stopped and then violins started playing as she began to think. Her rollie in one hand, the book in the other, she looked at her dog, smell of weed all around her. The poor thing was asleep on the couch, blissfully unaware. When she reached for her laptop to do some research, she knew she was gonna find something.

Two days later she was still debating on telling Price. She really didn't want to bother Laswell, poor woman didn't need more work. They were going to leave in 4 days. She decided she'd tell the first person she would see. It would be the universe to decide. Her office was at the opposite area from Price's so she had slim chances of telling anyone. It wasn't her mission, it wasn't her job, it wasn't her place. She was overstepping.

'Fuck', she said to herself, when she saw the Lieutenant in the parking lot. She froze, foot on the brakes. That's it, it's the universe's choice, you have to tell him. He's gonna kill you. He was smoking. His mask was slightly raised on his nose, exposing his mouth. Not that she could see anything, he was way too far and she was short sighted. Did he ever leave that mask home? He had a vest on, a light blue sherpa jacket that looked extremely comfortable. She looked at his cigarette, he had less than half of it left. Four drags maximum. Just tell him for fuck's sake, it's for the greater good and it’s a fucking good theory. He was almost finished. She slowly came to a stop in front of him and rolled down her window.

The world was silent around them. The sun was setting, the air was crisp. He had noticed the car, he remember it was the same model as hers. He didn't think she would stop. What she said next made his heart skip a beat. 'Hop in? I need to talk to you'. Her eyes were even a prettier colour in this light. They looked translucent. Her skin was shining and golden under the sunlight. 'Can it wait?' He tried to avoid getting in the car with her. Deeply unprofessional. Where did she want to take him anyway, couldn't they talk in his office? What was it she wanted to tell him? 'I'll take you back here when we're done, just a little ride’. She wasn't giving up. Am I being fucking kidnapped by you, Jude? Most guys wouldn't really complain to be honest, but still… He reluctantly sat in the passenger seat, having to adjust his seat to accommodate for his size. The lack of control he had in the situation made him uncomfortable, his fingers tingling with excitement and a slight bit of panic. But this girl… this girl, her presence was just weirdly irresistible. He wanted to know what she wanted to say, every little detail, every hint to who she truly was. He craved that. She slowly took off. She seemed a good driver, she kept her speed stable. 'What is it?' he asked impatient to know why he was being kidnapped. 'So, I kept thinking about what you said about Khorram, that he's hidden somewhere.' She glanced at him while she talked, maintaining her eyes on the road ahead. 'I thought about The Pilgrimage, the book. It's the three stages that I thought about, you know, the Jordan River was the first. Then the middle of the desert, then the Persian Gulf.'

He had to know she was coming up with another theory of hers. He started to get tense. He was getting tired to ear about this, she really had to let this go, it wasn't her place to be talking about it, all these speculations... This was war, people were getting killed everyday by this man and she was here playing detectives. 'I don't think you should keep working on this Jude. It's not your job', he said in the most assertive tone he could manage. She licked her lips, they were entering the city. She sighed, 'I know, I'm just suggesting', she insisted, but he cut her off. 'It's not your place.' He stated. He wasn't afraid to be rough with her or sound disrespectful. She was driving through a bit of traffic, she change gears swiftly and still managed to wave her hand in the air while she talked. 'I know! Since you guys didn't have a clue what you were doing the last time…' he interrupted her again, 'Doesn't mean you're right this time'. She scoffed and slightly raised her tone, visibly annoyed. 'You didn't even fucking let me finish, you don't know what I was about to say!' He caught a glimpse of her eyes, they looked darker. She had the same expression she always had. She looked like she was going to cast a spell on him and turn him into a chair. She must have always won every single argument in her life. Not with him, not with that attitude. 'I don't want to hear it, I can't make my soldiers do things and go places because you read a fucking book, Jude.' If she thought she could win this, she was seriously delusional. 'I read the fucking book that made you not die last week, Simon!' She raised her voice again, turning to face him. Hearing his name escape her lips made him feel weird. It was unusual to hear his name. Ghost, L.t, he had a few nicknames. Only Price called him Simon. He thought about whether she even knew he was Ghost to the others. Simon. It sounded different. It sounded warmer, it sounded pretty. She sang his name. It sounded like it belonged in the phrase Do you want to try that new restaurant with me, Simon, or There's a song I want you to listen, Simon, or Want to take a walk with me, Simon? It sounded like it belonged to a nice, handsome and normal guy, which he wasn't.

'Merda. Oh, merda.' He didn't realise she wasn't looking at him anymore. She had stopped the car, was she going to abandon him on the side of the road? They had stopped in front of a closed building, a few cars parked in the front. The woman next to him had a confused look on her face, which quickly shifted to panic. There was a girl in front of one of the cars. She was alone and she had a bag on her shoulder. Jude pulled the handbrake and got out of the car, walking towards the girl. She must have been 14. He got out of the car, but didn't approach them. He looked at Jude take the girl's hands in her own and talk to her. He couldn't really hear what they were saying, but the little girl was sniffling. She had been crying. 'Oh god', whispered Jude as she hugged the girl, scrunching down. He watcher her hand caress the girl's hair. Why was everything so complicated and bloody mysterious when it came to this girl? He looked at Jude taking the little girl's hand and taking her to the car. He probably looked scary with his skull printed balaclava on. 'Get in Gemma, I'll drive you home okay?' She said, seating down. 'Gemma this is my friend, Simon. Simon this is one of my students, Gemma.'

Jude was perfectly calm now, the little girl sitting in the back of the car. Her eyes were dark, she was driving much slower now, more carefully. She was mad. For what? What do you mean students? He had so many questions he couldn't process to say hi to the girl. Jude kept glancing in the review mirror to make sure Gemma was okay in the back. 'You like the choreography so far?' she asked. She danced? 'Yes, really much' Gemma answered 'I like when we do the circle. With the tour jetés' she said. Jude smiled 'Yeah I like that part too'. She was driving in a residential area more far away from the city centre, but they were getting closer to the road that would take them into the desert. 'Was it this one or the next Gemma?' she was slowing down. 'The next one' said the girl quietly. 'I'll talk to your mom okay?' She said while getting out of the car. She quickly turned towards him, her look apologetic 'I'm sorry, I'll explain. Just a second.' She felt bad for making him wait, it was very unprofessional of her, but it was an emergency and he just happened to be there. At least they stopped fighting. She explained to Gemma's mother that she was driving past the school when she saw her standing outside. The school was open when they arrived, it had closed 5 minutes after she had left. The girls had told Gemma about an extra lesson just for the 5 top students of the class and Gemma had asked her mom to take her. She said she was furious with the others and would talk to them and possibly even prevent some to dance at the final performance. She apologised to Gemma for having to wait outside because of that stupid joke and hugged her one more time, before making her way to the car. Furious was an understatement. How could they be so fucking mean? So so so stupid... She sighed while getting back into the car.

'I'm sorry, I'll take you back. Sorry. Sorry.' She quickly reversed and took off in the direction of the desert. 'Everything okay?' He decided to speak since she was gripping the steering wheel with her knuckles turning white. She waited a second before replying. 'I teach ballet. The other girls told her we had lesson when we didn't, she was the only one who showed up. The school is closed, it's dark out she could have been kidnapped', she said all in one breath. She was shaking her head, how fucking horrifying and dangerous was it to be left alone in the middle of nowhere as a 14 year old girl. Thank God she saw her, poor Gemma. She wasn't blaming her mom, the school was probably still open when they arrived and closed soon after. They were approaching the base in silence, she stopped near the entrance to let him go inside. She kept muttering words in Italian, she was biting her nails nervously. 'Che stronze. Come si fa…assurdo. Troppe poche botte da piccole.' She turned towards him before he had a chance to open the door. 'I'm very sorry you had to witness that, I truly am.' She blinked a few times trying to hide her embarrassment. She messed up all her chances to get him to listen to what she had found now. 'It's fine' he said. His voice was soft. He probably understood that she really couldn't leave the girl there alone, but still. His hand was on the door handle but he wouldn't open the door yet. 'Okay… I'm sorry either way I shouldn't have… done all this.' She was panicking a little at this point. 'Jude it's fine, seriously.' He finally opened the door and got out of the car 'Go home.' He stated before turning away and entering the base.

She went home. She facetimed Salvo and told him about the situation to rant a little bit. She didn't mentioned who she was with, cause it embarrassed her. Cause picking him up was the stupidest idea of her life. She was so fucking mad at the girls she thought about a million fucking different ways to find out who was responsible and make them pay. God, I sound like my mother. Which is very bad, considering what she does for a living…

notes: oh god, what does her mother do then? translation: 'those bitches. how is this possible… incredible. didn't get hit hard enough as kids.' don't hit your kids, violence is bad. also is bullying. I am getting really good results at uni guys!! I'm gonna post the next preview as well cause I'm gonna be studying a lot again, and working and you know. figuring out how to be happy with my life I guess.

love, mare.

taglist:

@ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

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[callme-dickmaster]

Sweetheart - (eddie munson x reader)

Ch. Three - Cool Dog What Breed?

summary: halloween falls on hawkins and someone finally returns to school. pairing: eddie munson x fem!goth!mayfield!reader cw: 18+ (minors dni) this is obnoxiously long, unfortunate use of y/n, me projecting some more, language, mentions of abuse, billy hargrove, billy's dad, bullying, fat shaming, cute shit -i think that's all- author's note: i run out of ideas for content warnings every second of the day lmaoo. i was struggling with these. anyways love you <3

Series Masterlist

Halloween was Y/n's favorite holiday. She always loved an excuse to look weird. After finishing her makeup, she went to look in her closet. She moved the tapestry that hung in the closet doorway and turned on the light to search through her clothes. She threw on her outfit and an oversized black jacket before deciding it was good enough. Y/n grabbed her bag and walked down the hall and straight into the bathroom. Messing with her hair until it was a good and proper mess, she smiled to herself and walked into the dining room for breakfast.

Y/n's stepdad made a face when she walked in but went back to reading the newspaper. "Hey, man," she greeted Max, ruffling her hair. Max smiled, eating her cereal.

"Y/n, I know it's Halloween and all, but do you think you might try and look a little more... n-normal?" her mother asked, walking into the kitchen with a sigh. Y/n rolled her eyes, "Ma, I'm going to dress how I want to. I don't care if people don't like it. Screw 'em," she replied, biting into her Eggo, and following Billy and Max out the front door. Billy passed her his lighter and they were on their way.

Y/n tapped her nails on the Zippo, wondering if kids dressed up here like they used to in California. Her wonders were answered when Billy swerved into the parking lot that had no costumes in sight going in or out of either school.

Guess they save them for later. Y/n thought.

She went into the school and straight to her locker. Students stared at her as she walked through the halls, some whispering or giving her dirty looks. Y/n shrugged, grabbed her books, and walked into first period and into the same seat from the day before. Nancy gave her a smile and turned around to talk.

"Hey! Cool makeup!" she said.

Y/n smiled and thanked her, waving at Robin and Samantha who were sitting by a guy she didn't see the day before. He had long brown curly hair that came down to his shoulders, wearing mostly black with some band t-shirt on with his feet propped up on the desk.

The boy stared at her between the two girls he was talking to. Samantha looked behind her when she noticed he wasn't paying attention to the conversation. She sent him an amused smile when she saw he was staring down Y/n as she chatted with Nancy.

"So, you gonna go talk to her or just stare like a creep?" Samantha asked, turning back to the boy in front of her. "Huh?" he replied, still staring at the black-haired girl across the room. Robin looked over her shoulder and smirked. "She'd never go for him. No way," Robin said, shaking her head. Samantha snickered.

"Why wouldn't she?" the boy asked, now interested in what they had to say.

"Eddie, come on. She's actually pretty cool. I feel like she wouldn't want to hang around you unless in small doses," Robin replied.

Eddie crossed his arms and glanced at the girl again.

"I didn't even know we had a new girl!" Eddie huffed, "Would've been nice to know," he added.

"Munson! Feet down and eyes front!" the teacher called so he could start class. Eddie rolled his eyes, dropping his feet. He kept sneaking glances at the new girl who caught his attention. Here's this girl, brand new to Hawkins, showing up in all black in platforms with black hair and dark makeup you only see on metal bands. How could he not find her interesting?

Class dragged on with Eddie continuing to stare, and Y/n continuing not to notice. The girl slipped off her jacket, causing Eddie's eyes to widen at the art littering her arms.

Tattoos.

Eddie Munson's weakness.

Eddie set his cheek on his hand with a dreamy smile. Robin would've sworn he had hearts in his eyes. He tried to discreetly lean to see the ink on her back but failed to do so before the bell rang.

He sighed in defeat. Eddie didn't have big enough balls to approach her and was hoping he could just see her again in another class.

Y/n entered her second period, smiling at Robin and Nancy who beat her there. "Y/n! Settle something for me," Nancy said, calling her attention. Y/n hummed, agreeing to help out. "So, I have this friend... he's kind of a loner, sits by himself, you know? But we're friends! And there's this Halloween party tonight and I think he's going to come because Steve and I and our friends are going and I think if we all go, he's going to want to go so he won't miss out on the fun! But Steve says Jonathan isn't going to care if we're all there or not. What do you think?" Nancy asked.

Y/n nodded, thinking. "I mean if he goes or not won't really affect the night. So, either way, I don't think it matters. If the guy's antisocial then he's antisocial. Can't do much about it," she replied, shrugging. Nancy saw her point and decided she would end the Jonathan concept with a bet on who would be right.

"Are you going?" Nancy asked. "Where?" Y/n replied. Nancy gave her a deadpan look. "To the party!" Nancy said.

Y/n stared at her with wide clueless eyes. Nancy sighed in defeat.

"Y/n, the Halloween party Tina's throwing tonight," she said. Y/n thought for a second before she remembered what they were talking about. Her face lit up in realization, earning a laugh from Nancy.

"Uh, I don't know man. I didn't even know there was one," Y/n said slowly. Nancy gripped her hand with a sly smile on her face.

"You're coming." Well, it's decided then!

Y/n shrugged and agreed on the condition that she got to ride along with Nancy and Steve. Y/n didn't feel like going to a party with Billy ass her ride because then she would end up having to walk home and that was for losers.

Y/n was not a loser.

Nancy was okay with it, so Y/n was okay to go. The teacher got up and started his lesson, offering candies to kids who got the answers right. Y/n, really just starved for candy, raised her hand every time. Even if she didn't know the answer. Still, she tried. Nancy gave her an amused look on the way out of the classroom at her carrying all her candies in her jacket with a satisfied smile. Y/n was content. She had food and all it took was playing a guessing game. She smiled like a goof all the way to the music room.

Y/n sat down in a different spot closer to the rest of the class that all sat in a big clump in the center of the chairs the music teacher had set up. Robin was doing some test in another class, so Y/n didn't expect to see her in third that day. She pulled out a little Hershey's bar and popped it in her mouth, doing a little dance as she ate it. She looked up in confusion when someone came in and ran right back out of the classroom.

Eddie Munson was currently freaking out in the hallway. Him and Y/n had the same third period. Music. Even better! Eddie loved music. He could roll with that. There was still a possibility that she was in his lunch or the last classes of the day, but the fact that she was in the same class right now was mind-blowing. Eddie took a deep breath, fluffed up his hair, and walked with fake confidence back into the music room. His heart almost melted at Y/n bopping to herself in her seat just because she had some candy. Eddie smiled to himself, hiding his grin behind his hair while he sat in the end seat in the row she was sitting in.

"Okay, uh... Hey! I'm Eddie. You're pretty. Wait- no. That's so stupid, what the fuck?" Eddie mumbled to himself. "What's up? I'm Eddie. I've never seen you here before," he whispered, mumbling curses and other various insults to himself. He was not smooth at all. The number of times Eddie had talked to a pretty girl successfully had yet to reach double digits. People just thought he was weird. Girls especially.

Eddie glanced over at her every five seconds. He was trying his best to be stealthy he really was. Was it working? Absolutely not...

A couple of the guys that sat in that class noticed his behavior and decided to call him out on it. "Hey, Munson! You got a new victim to stalk or are you just tweaking?" the random dickhead laughed. Eddie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, looking like a toddler in time out.

Y/n furrowed her eyebrows, confusion clear on her face. "What's your issue, man?" she asked the dick two rows up. He scoffed, "That freak's been staring at you all class. You probably would've noticed if you weren't pigging out on candy." Y/n sent him a bored expression and sighed, "Alright brother. My love for candy has nothing to do with you overcompensating for your tiny cock and balls." Eddie let out a loud "ha!" before covering his mouth. "Whatever. You're probably both freaky psychos," the tiny penis man sneered. "Hey, you got a cool dog. What breed is it?" Y/n asked the asshole's friend.

The music teacher butt in before they could fight anymore with a warning and started class. Eddie took that as his chance. He quietly slid down the row until he sat a seat away from Y/n. "Thank's for that," he whispered. She smiled at her notebook and looked up at him. "No biggie. Dude was acting a fool," Y/n replied. Eddie snickered and pretended to pay attention to take notes in his own book.

Y/n snuck a peek at his book and smiled to herself at what he was actually writing. Eddie had drawn a stick figure with long hair and a guitar with lightning coming out of it. "Is that for monsters or something?" Y/n whispered, pointing out the lightning bolts with her pencil. Eddie looked up at her and down at her notes. He twirled his pen and drew another little stick figure on the corner of her page. Y/n laughed and drew a smiley face on his paper. They went back and forth until class ended. Eddie quickly drew an arrow pointing to the stick figure he drew on her paper and put Eddie in his messy handwriting.

"Who's Eddie?" Y/n laughed.

Eddie stood up with a flourish before motioning to himself. Y/n giggled and stood up after shoving her books into her bag.

"Well, go ahead and name that smiley face Y/n for me," she said. "That's you?" Eddie asked like he didn't already know. Y/n nodded, starting to walk out of class. "See ya, Eddie."

taglist: @sisgotdemons @tlclick733 @deafeningmoontragedy @marjoriea13 @playfuloutcast @twosluttychains @leetaeilsnecktattoo @lil-quinnie @razzles-bottom-lip @originalstar1 @yessargeantbarnes @bebe0701 @shotgunhallelujah @uselessastheginlasagnaa @mynameismothra @niragis-right-hand-rabbit @shecagobaby @moviefreak1205 @munsonmunster @chonkzombie @sadbitchfangirl @screaming-blue-bagel @urdad-hot @kjaxm

<3

[bloodgulchblog]

Have you seen that YouTube video where some guy reads every Halo novel back to back and then reviews them? If so what did you think

The Brian David Gilbert one? Oh yeah, all my friends showed me it when it came out. (It was honestly kind of cute seeing how many people thought of me immediately.)

Rewatching it to refresh myself because it's been a couple years and a full-novel reread for me since the last time...

High fiving BDG because the Master Chief parts of The Flood were definitely the most boring parts.

He didn't have anything to say about First Strike which I think is a shame because I think it's better than The Fall of Reach and actually has A Theme I Find Interesting.

Rightful recognition of Contact Harvest as pretty damn good.

Rightful recognition of the Forerunner Trilogy as dense oldschool-style SF with deep worldbuilding. (Also the San'Shyuum thing.)

I disagree with him about, and have significant problems with, Kilo Five. He is correct that Kilo Five actually delves into some of the dark places in Halo in a way it really needed, and I would even say that its writing is extremely engaging by Halo novel standards. However, while he does notice the obvious parallels between what ONI is doing post-war and the kind of shit the CIA has pulled again and again irl, I think he misses some of the subtext I see where it feels like it justifies some shit a liiiiittle too much if you know the author's irl politics re: the military. He also doesn't seem to notice the character assassinations (particularly of Catherine Halsey) that I and a lot of other fans see/object to in those books. I kind of gaze into the middle distance with a haunted expression at the suggestion that these are the ones to read if you don't touch any of the others just because they are, ironically, so heavy-handed and feel like they treat certain kinds of evil as inevitable in a way that actually feels way worse to me than the excuse plot offered by the earlier/lighter Halo novels. (But idk, that's me? Nobody is committing a crime if they disagree with my frenzied insane person red string diagrams about Kilo Five.)

I'd swap Pariah for Dirt in the Evolutions anthology if it were me, but I think these are solid standouts.

Broken Circle is neat but really nonessential he's not wrong.

A one-sentence review of New Blood is probably not enough space to get into how fucked up the Spartan-IV program is, but yeah. New Blood is fun if you don't find Buck's first person narration annoying. (It comes and goes for me in that one.)

BDG you're an absolute sweetheart, I think Hunters in the Dark is kind of goofy in a way I cannot in good conscience ignore if I'm gonna review it. But it really really is so much fun and I love that one a lot anyway. The "it's like Halo 3... 2" observation is solid.

High fiving him again because I also found Last Light disappointing. And it is also a me problem.

Fractures!

Hell yeah these are all good pulls from Fractures, I would say Shadow of Intent is the pick of the litter in that anthology for me. Interesting that as a Kilo Five enjoyer he didn't single out Rossbach's World, which is the last we've heard about Osman and Black Box. (Also, that one is good.) I think Oasis is worth an honorable mention because I'm an Envoy stan, and the Forerunner stories are interesting but I wouldn't go for them if you don't already have a healthy interest in the trilogy.

This tangent is so fucking funny now that we know more things:

Oh BDG, oh buddy, it's really not for the people like you and me huh. (Disclaimer: I have no idea if BDG likes the Halo tv show or not and I have no desire to dig up evidence about it.)

Also, while you're here, this is the bloodgulchblog origin story:

Smoke and Shadow is fun so it's a little sad that when he ends that sentence with "whatever," I can't actually say he's wrong to. (Sorry Rion your part of the lore just.... hasn't... touched anything that touches anything else anymore.)

ENVOY IS GOOD AND EVERYONE SHOULD CARE ABOUT IT okay okay I'm cool I'm normal, anyway. Envoy is the Halo novel that restored my faith in reading Halo novels and reminded me that authors can care and know how to do nuanced, interesting themes in this space. It's great. Everyone in this book has war refugee trauma (except the Spartans which have Spartan trauma) and that's incredible to me. Please care about Envoy if you have spare room in your heart for Halo side characters.

I am cheered to see someone indifferent to the Veta Lopis stories, but I still feel petty for feeling it.

I don't have a lot to say about Legacy of Onyx here but it's always so fun seeing someone else suffer and care.

Bad Blood, the Blood is Bad now is a fun joke but lol yeah. It does have this very vital moment where Chief and Arbiter talk, though. For the first and only time in years.

PROPS FOR NOTICING THE YA NOVELS they're actually pretty nice.

"The Master Chief is the protagonist and boy does he shoot some people" is most of how I feel about Silent Storm and Oblivion too, I know they have their fans but Troy Denning's Chief books don't do much for me personally.

Renegades hadn't had its followup Point of Light yet but yeah, Spark stuff is interesting.

I had to remember that oh yeah, there are multiple books now that didn't exist when this was made. I wonder if he read them?

OKAY I THINK THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SAY as always if y'all want specific book opinions, I might have a tag for them. Or just yell in my ask box, I'm sure I can scrounge up some thoughts.

[umbracirrus]

🧥🧥

Does two mean that I have to do two 😂 'cause that's what I'm gonna do anyway lol

🧥 warm coat: share a happy or fuzzy scene from your wip

Okay-!!! So scene number one - this is quite some time in the future where my idiots actually are together, slightly edited for spoilers for the chapter I'm actually working on at the moment :3

“We met for the first time four years ago today,” he mumbled into her hair, holding onto her almost as tightly as she was holding onto him. He couldn’t help but chuckle quietly at that thought. “I remember that you looked so nervous... And that for some reason, you had forgone healing your broken arm in order to tell me of the danger Riverwood was in. I was both in awe of your courage, yet horrified that you had so little care for your health. Though admittedly I am one to talk when it comes to the latter.” Elyse hummed quietly. “That feels so long ago...” She exhaled quietly, then loosened her grasp so that she could sit up straight. “I felt terrified by you. The residents of Riverwood had built a picture of you in my head of a headstrong and intimidating man with a short fuse, so that’s why I went straight to you... In hindsight, I shouldn’t have let their tales of you build my opinion of you, because... Well, you’re so much more than that. Though they weren’t lying about your temper.” He raised his eyebrow. “Is that so?” He then huffed, making her start laughing as she leaned down to press a kiss to his lips yet again. “Mhmm. But if you want to know what I think of you now...” Gently, her arms draped over his shoulders and around his neck. “You’re a man who cares deeply. About his friends, his family, his lands, his people. About me, for some reason. Even when-“ He went to cut her off to protest her remark about herself, but she shook her head as an indication to let her finish. “Even when you have to make difficult decisions, you always have what is best for people in mind – even if what you do or say comes across as harsh or tough. And in spite of everything you have been through, everything on your shoulders... You persevere. And by the Divines, I love you. For all that and more.” Balgruuf gazed at her softly, before reaching up and moving a stray lock of hair to behind her ear. “Elyse... I truly do not deserve you nor your words."

And scene number two is from another WIP with my idiots, not The Perfect Storm but a separate little thing I've been working on, and is certainly fluffy and happy but also a tad bit. Well. Spicy. So it's under the cut :3

The sun had not long set, and Elyse had decided to retire for the night early. She felt much lighter than she had done in days, having been able to finally spend a moment with her husband without an interruption by something or another cropping up. The storm within her had calmed, and she was all too glad. Quietly, she was humming to herself as she used a spell to light a candle on the nightstand, and sat down in bed to read through a book she had recently picked up. She had decided to make herself even comfier though by wearing a shirt of Balgruuf’s, it fitting more like an oversized dress on her. She knew that he wouldn’t mind. She hasn’t been there for long when she heard the door opened and though she expected it to just be a guard to just be on patrol, she was surprised to see Balgruuf sit down on the bed moments later. She watched him over her book for a moment as he quickly pulled off his boots, then removed some of the burdensome outer layers of clothing and accessories. “You will be glad to know, Elyse, I took your advice,” he murmured once he was down to just his trousers and tunic, before he leaned over to press a chaste kiss to her lips. “I told Proventus to rearrange anything scheduled for this evening to other times, and told any remaining visitors that I couldn’t speak with them today.” Elyse gave him a slight smile as his hand rested on her knee, his thumb gently stroking the bare skin. “And how did that go down?” “There were no protests, at least. Some grumbling, but as you said, they can return tomorrow.” “That’s good... As I said, you do a lot – you deserve some downtime.” “Aye,” he nodded, watching as she returned her attention back to her book after giving him another quick kiss. Moments after she did that, he moved, and went to press a kiss of his own to her inner thigh. She inhaled sharply.  “But first... I believe that I have been neglecting my wife,” he murmured into her skin, kissing further up her leg as she gasped once more, before placing her book – still open and in her hand – on her chest with a huff. In spite the almost mischievous smirk across his face, there was adoration in his eyes as he looked up at her. “And I intend to rectify that. But don’t stop reading on my account.”

[bastionbibi]

Question if it’s okay to ask: what is it that made Akai one of your favourites? Or at least someone that’s cool in your book

Man.... This is like asking why I love soup.  Ok, I'm not sure if I can stay coherent but I'll try, 

Ive been reading detco on and off since I was a was a wee child and even back then he was already one of my favorites because I like mystery, and he was the definition of that. 

And this way before the revelation that he was a good guy too. There was this moment of 'yeah, okay, this is it, he's the one (that im not gonna be normal about)'. Specifically, I fell in love in that one scene where he met ran on a snowy night, something about that scene was just so striking, especially something about him that, despite how intimidating he sounded or looked, didn't set off any alarms in Ran, that was the point where I knew there's more to this character, and that I love him. 

On another lighter note. I like his shinigami aesthetic, his one liner and lack of facial expression, I like his lonewolf tendency, how weirdly dependable he is and yet, he's not, in any way shape or form, charming. 

Like that time where he confronted Gin for the first time, he could've told Jodie and Conan that he had a plan to elude the BO but he didn't, he acted alone, he's extremely slow to trust but when he does, he pledge to them his true loyalty. I mean, Conan was just a child in his eyes (even though now he knows him as Shinichi), and yet since he decided to trust him, he never dismissed his words or treat him like a liability despite his 'age'. 

When he trust people, he cherished them in his own ways, and that's what I find commendable. 

He's ANNOYING. An asshole 75% of the time, we never got more backstory about him and Akemi because I refuse to believe this man with the personality as hard to love as the taste of blue cheese could land not 1 but 2 amazing ladies like cmon now. I hate how he treated Jodie but I have no doubt he would take a bullet for her if need be, I guess that’s why Jodie still likes him too to a degree but he didnt deserve her tbh (<- says the girl who will still reblog redstarling fanart whenever it crosses my dash). 

The same can be applied to his ‘rivalry’ with Rei, it doesn't matter what his true reason was, he decided that night, when he was holding the bleeding gun of a man he failed to save, he would keep the truth away from Rei and he stick by that decision till now, Rei did everything in his power to literally hunt him down over a misunderstanding and he didn't care, come hell and high waters and he will still keep Rei away from the truth because that's what he decided to do and he keeps his promises, especially ones made to himself. 

I suppose I like him because outside of 'work', while he keeps people on a distance, you don't have to second guess on where you stand, there's a sort of ease in that. 

As the story progresses, we get to see reasons as to why he ended up this way and that was pretty entertaining, seeing how affectionate he can be to his siblings and what happened in his past to make him go the extreme lengths of being an agent to another country and infiltrating a deadly organization etc, it fleshes him out, it makes me excited to see where he'll end up next. 

Also, he looks kinda handsome ngl 

ON ANOTHER NOTE!! He's also just- Really weird?? 

Like ok, sure, he faked his death like one would do but he came back from the grave as a guy 5 years younger with pink hair that's taking his masters?? Hello???? Has he even been to college before like I legit wonder if he knows how hellish a masters program is AND, I know this is based on a situation that's out of his control, out of all the personalities he can embody, he chose to be a milfy malewife who's always ready to babysit others?? Dedication to the bit is unmatched. 

(Also bc i hc him as conans dad and made a whole series about it, thats fun!)

(Anyway if youre in the gc dont u dare call me a simp i am not . ) 

[easy-revenge]

Imagine Aki randomly finding things Himeno left behind at his place while cleaning or doing laundry. A tank top in his laundry. Her book she never finished reading. Her lighter she kept misplacing. Her shampoo he always loved the smell of. He keeps all of these things in a shoebox and he wishes he could find a photo of her. He's so scared of forgetting her face, even though he knows that can't possibly happen. Haha. I'm fine.

i was gonna answer these in chronological order since I've fallen off the face of the earth but i got this ask yesterday and i haven't stopped thinking about it......

criminal line of thinking. right up my alley.

i reposted fujimoto talking about her the other day which this post is a reference to and amidst all the love and respect his words about himeno conveyed, that line stuck with me.

it's so real of him to say that himeno leaves things of hers in aki's apartment. the follow up about her leaving little parts of herself in ppl's lives? not ready to talk about that yet, it's such a himeno thing and if sb doesn't say this about me after im dead i might as well not have lived /hj

anyways back to this. time to talk about grief again. oof. aki is such the type to be so quiet about it. he'd have such a personal grieving process.

him doing his errants at the crack of dawn and finding himeno's tank top in his laundry, briefly wondering if it belongs to power but knowing better. the way he'd stay very still for a moment, gripping the soft fabric a little too hard, knowing he washed every last bit of himeno off of it already. all but his memory of her wearing it, gone.

he'd definitely keep the things in a shoe box in a secluded place in his room. mostly to keep them safe from denji and power. somewhere inside also knowing that not seeing them around all the time will eventually help him heal. if he even has enough time left for that.

i imagine even after safely collecting everything and tucking it away, he'd still be reminded of her often. power sitting crosslegged on the balcony's chair just like himeno used to do. denji crouching in front of the fridge to inspect its contents, elbows on his knees.

every time, aki would lose his train of thought, stay still, stare for a moment, then seemingly snap out of it.

he does worry about forgetting her. not just her face. her voice, the way she would sing-song every sentence when she was tipsy, her easy smile, the blush on her cheeks. her touch, her casual affection, her long, knowing looks.

even the small things. the way she would hold a cigarette and refuse to dab the ash off until it was basically hanging off of it and threatening to burn any piece of clothing or paperwork around to cinders. her satisfied sigh after the first sip of cold beer.

the way she'd let her guard down around him sometimes, when they would sit in silence for a long time, her face muscles relaxing and her gaze getting more vacant. it'd remind aki of the himeno he met at the cemetery. selfish and honest and lonely. it never failed to bring tears to aki's eyes. he was always quick to cry.

it gets worse the more time goes by. he thinks about her less. his own life a slippery thing in his hands and his goals staying unachieved and unachievable.

it feels like even more of a betrayal when he asks to be off the gun devil mission. knowing he'd go private without a second thought now if it meant securing a normal, safe life for power and denji. knowing he could've had this with himeno if he'd only said yes back then. he'd be spared so much loss. he'd be spared from loving more people who were just as disposable and temporary as him.

yet he can't bring himself to regret any of it.

the shoe box collects dust in his room and aki keeps his fingers loose around his feeble, unimportant life and his heart open till the end.

[official-nrc-prophet]

as a multishipper who ships pretty much every pairing thrown at them (except if its like illegal or morally not okay obviously) i think your opinions are very interesting to read and people shouldn't be pressed about you expressing them-- (i saw that one ask lmao its literally none of their business they had no right to say that bro LMAO)

on another and kind of unrelated note - im glad to find someone else that doesn't really like jamil x kalim ... like idk i think its weird how popular it is it gives me the icks so bad like for them to have a healthy friendship let alone relationship with each other they have to have at the very least a LONG TALK and like truly get to understand each others issues and problems right down to the roots and i just dont really think thats in the cards for either of them---

ANYWAY!! ON A LIGHTER NOTE NOW!!! VERY SURPRISED NO ONES SENT IN ADEUCE YET THE SILLIES EVER!!!

a few other ships i like that id find opinions on very intriguing are: cater x idia azul x jamil jack x sebek !!

actually i havent read too far into the main story/events and i have no idea how many times jack and sebek interacted in canon but ive read multiple cute fics with them so i think its cute in fanon :3

- 🔌🎹

Thank you!! I've gotten a couple more asks from people pissed off I'm giving my opinion on ships, but I've just deleted them. It's none of their business anyway.

Adeuce is a perfectly fine ship. Some people like to say that Ace is a bully to Deuce, and to that I say, have you ever met a friend group of high schoolers? They banter, they make fun of each other, it's perfectly normal as long as they aren't going past certain boundaries. Adeuce is fine in my book.

Cater and Idia has the appeal of an extrovert and an introvert, but I'm gonna have to say no, just because Idia is in a position of power as a housewarden. This is nothing against your ship, they're both consenting adults, but I'm pretty firm with this rule.

Jamil and Azul is one of the most popular ships, and I can see why. Azul kinda simps for him in Canon. But I just can't ever see those feelings being reciprocated. Jamil doesn't really care much about Azul, so I can see it being one sided, but i don't think Jamil would ever like him back.

Jack and Sebek have appeal, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Like, they're in the first year friend group, even if they don't interact a bunch. They have similar interests, I think it could probably work.

[otwdfanfic]

Very random and out of pocket but!! A few weeks ago I followed some classes on designing book covers based on themes and what you want possible readers to feel when seeing the book for the first time.

So it's been a while since I did that, and I got to thinking, what if I make some little cover sketches for otwd to practise? After some thinking and rereading some of the earlier chapters, I put down a little concept;

The most important part, for me, was showing one of two main things that really jumped out to me when reading; the ocean/freedom and betrayal. So, I jotted down some things for either idea.

For the ocean/freedom, I decided to go with a bit more of a traditional cover, very balanced, very light, as Nuffink's story isn't dark from the very start. I'd combine it with lighter shades of blue (to connect it to Nuff's main colours as well) with the colours darkening in ITPN and book three (see the colour palette in the top! Would also help the cold of itpn stand out)

In the first option, I also thought it would be really cool if the ocean was parting slightly as a way to invite nuffink to its waters, real "child of the ocean" vibes (and also to keep the image more balanced). The mist in the background would be a nod back to HTTYD and RTTE, where the mists to both the Dragon Island and into the Great Beyond was a symbol for mystery and adventure. And that's what Nuff's doing! He's going on an adventure that's gonna scar him for life! I'm still contemplating if the Chicken should be drifting on the ocean in the bg, but I think it would be a very good nod to Nuffink being invited onto the open waters. This cover would be leaning towards a light blue!

The second cover I based on the theme of betrayal and, more literally translated into the image, backstabbing. This would be much darker and colder immediately, which I'm not certain is the best decision considering the first chapters of otwd aren't outright dark, but it would display the idea of betrayal very well! As for colours, again, it would be darker, but still keeping the idea of blue to connect it back to Nuff and his ocean. The knife would be hanging just above his back (which would also be pretty significant as for the most part in otwd, he's not actively being betrayed, it's more hanging above his head and hits him at the end and thus it hanging above his back instead of already being in his back would make this more clear)

Anyways, that was a bit of my thought process behind these cover ideas! I'm not entirely certain if I'll work them out (it really depends on time lmao) but just in case I won't, here are the sketches and the ideas!

Again, this might be very out of pocket but I just love thinking about these kind of things haha

That class sounds really cool omg. I love these ideas! I've brainstormed otwd covers in the past but very generic ideas like just a picture of the kids flying on their dragons lol not so much theme based like a real book cover. 

The composition of the first idea reminds me of the painting Wanderer above the Sea of Fog which is soo fitting! I like the idea of ocean/freedom/betrayal as the fundamental themes for the first one and it's interesting to think how the themes would change over time through itpn and totg. Do you know the book series Red Queen? They're sitting on my shelf rn and the covers have a similar shade of blue and each book is darker as the story becomes darker, I love the effect.

My dream would be to eventually commission a set of matching covers like these (maybe after I finish all 3 fics or at least start posting totg) and also make my own set of covers. If I ever make my own set I'd probably give each character their own cover- maybe Nuffink for otwd, Baldur for the downed dragon, Bjorn for itpn, Eret for the dancing and the dreaming, and Zephyr for totg? Gustav's prequel would be tricky lol

[itsjaywalkers]

Lauriee!! Anon here who asked you about the advice on getting my fic out there haha

First of all I'm so sorry you had a shitty day, thankfully it passed so I hope today is better for you! And thank you so so so much for responding! I appreciate you taking your time to answer my questions and validating my fear haha

I'm still very scared to post it, but you made me feel so much more lighter to, so I'm gonna do it after I have read it and analyzed it probably for 33003 time you know just to make sure haha

I can't thank you enough, I didn't expect you writing me an essay, like I knew you were sweet but that sweet??? Any tips for that? Also I'm anon who told you that if you were a character you would be Pandora and here you are proving my point!

Anyways, I'll post it! And i do hope you see it, but it's very unlikely, but if you doo see it by any chance, I'll make sure to pop on here and tell you so!

Thank youu Lauriee, sending you so much love and joy and hugs and kisses!!!!<333

DARLING I JUST GOT UR OTHER ASK BUT I WANTED TO ANSWER THIS ONE FIRST <3

yesterday was a bit better (my best friend + my sister came to pick me up after work and we went home together) but today was Awful again.. the ice cream machine exploded and me and my manager spent 2 hours cleaning everything, we got a 42 ppl booking out of fucking nowhere and another one of 16 ppl?? at the same time?? i was at my limit, it was so bad that they let me sit down during the last hour of my shift, they kept feeding me red bulls and the chefs made me a pizza. remember that this is also my eighth day in a row

BUT ANYWAY no need to thank me at all babe <3 i'm always more than happy to help!! and it brings me so much joy to hear that my answer actually made u feel better about the whole thing. i get u on the overanalysing part, i reread everything i write before i post it at least a dozen times. until words barely look like words anymore

IM REALLY NOT THAT SWEET U GUYS ARE JUST TOO KIND TO ME and stopppp the fact that u were also the person that told me i give pandora vibes.. i cherish u even more now nonnie, u have my whole heart

IM SO PROUD OF U look at u go!! hell yeah!! manifesting that it'll end up in my dash somehow!! i'm sure it's Beautiful <333

sending u a hundred kisses MWAHHHH

[bylightofdawn]

Sooooo a couple of days ago when I started writing this FF7 fic I made the rather impulsive decision to purchase Final Fantasy VII The Kids Are Alright: A Turks Side Story.

Because it's for fanfiction 'research purposes' so that totally justifies my dropping 14 bucks on a book. And totally not because I got drawn in by Turks being in the title.

Look. I am AWARE that I am grown-ass adult swiftly my glorious approaching mid-life crisis era and if I want to be utterly ridiculous and purchase a book for a 25+ year old game just for fanfiction research purposes then I'm not making any excuses.

I'm aware I'm ridiculous.

Anyway, this book? Actually kinda a banger. This is prolly the best light novel translation I've ever read. It's engaging and interesting. I'm only on like page 35 so it's too early to make any real decision but it's ALREADY paying off dividends in that I already have stuff I intend on folding into this fic.

Like apparently Elena was liaisoning with the WRO who mass produce painkillers for Geostigma patients because apparently it was agonizing. (Which makes sense from what little we see in Advent Children) and that the WRO was the ones who were gonna distribute it. I'd been having Tseng play as Reeve's sort of go-between so I'm going pivot from here because of that info.

I'm going to keep writing the fic but I am definitely going to put some effort over the next couple of days to read more into the book. Only problem I'm having so far is the printing is kinda small. I'd say it's like a 10pt font and isn't times new roman but a slightly lighter serif style font which for my 40+ eyes is JUST SMALL ENOUGH to make me strain to read it.

Which....blows on soooo many levels cause fuck me am I really getting that fucking old that I will be needing large format printing books in the next decade. Also, why the hell are there no digital copies of this or On the Way to a Smile??

I did find a digital copy of the fan-translated On the Way to a Smile online. It's definitely not as smooth as the translation for this book. Like I said, this is an exceptionally well translated light novel. I've been kinda burned repeatedly in the past when it comes to light novel translations and most have been kinda....meh.

Which is kinda understandable because it's hard to convey nuance, differing cultural norms and what have you from one language to another. I might actually pick up the official copy of On the Way to a Smile if it was done by the same team as this book.

EDIT: one other thing that makes buying this book completely worthwhile is apparently Rufus Shinra has the very uncomplimentary nickname if ‘Doofus Shinra’ because he was heading the Shinra empire when everything went to shit.

And you can bet your ass I will be incorporating that into this fic somehow

I’m sure in the original Japanese it’s prolly something else but it’s hilarious in the English translation. 🤣🤣🤣

[julien5-malfunction]

Derranged drafting about wanting to go to concert, money, dread.

Crafting a little budjet for myself bc I'M MAD EITHER WAY SO I BOUGHT THE TIKETS, to get me there, I has to pay a lil extra to have the train ticket so it can be refunded JUST IN CASE I end up going. If I feel like absolute shit and decide to not go on the last minute, I can still refund them. I'll buy the concert ticket on the way there, IF I GO.

I save some money by taking the bus there, and some more by having to wait 2+ more hours for the later night train. Should not be an issue as I have insomnia but the waking up on time, the anxiety, the cold and hunger will be. Also I don't know if I should be scares of the streets as I will be going alone...

But the bars will be open on the fiday night right? I can chill there with a ton of people around incase I feel scared on the street, right?

Now I'm doing pathetic little calculations on how much I can spend on merch, bc I like me some CDs and maybe a t shirt or a hoodie but 50€ for merch, food and snacks and whatever else I need, ain't much. So I'm like gooling how much they cost on the web and trying to estimate the price but I probably can get like 2 cds and nothing else...

I dunno if it's ok to take the cash I got for christmas and use some of that so I can have a t shirt or a hoodie as well if they have good ones.

...sometimes I think I should just buy a plain black T shirt and plagitarize a band shirt bc I'm so broke nowdays...

And I feel too ugly in my body anyway to wear new bought band shirts or any new or nice chlotes anyway, but I'll be wearing the nice black cargo pants, the leather boots ( or my winter shoes, I heard it's gonna be really cold...) A burner T shirt under a nice hoodie, probably the one from Amenra, as I saw them in the same place about a year ago... (And it's really warm!)

Dunno which jacket is the most convinient for an over night trip... Beige one, probably, has the most pockets, but is the most casual. Black one is the most metal and camo the most punk (a battle jacket)...

I got the same flavoured peanuts for snacks on the train today, got 2 since they were on dicount... as well as ibuprofein, in case I get migrane from flasing on the train / period pain in the train. (unintended rhyme god damned) I'll make some POTENT AF coffee to keep me going, probably to my demise... or maybe take coins for a take out coffee...

The same book I was reading the last time...

maybe the ds3 idk. Pen and paper ofc.

charger, headphones, earplugs, keys, water, snacks, coffee(?), chocolate maybe?, wallet, a book, A FEW PENS LETS SAY 5 MAX, NOT THE WHOLE ARCENAL, paper. Pocket knife. Sanitary stuff... Tissue paper. Idk, how much are wet wipes €€€? (I have a sensory issue with wasking my face and hands?) Hand sanitizer? Smokes + a lighter.

Something to serve as a comforting thing, in case of anxiety, I wanna take a plushie but... Maybe the scarf will do? I mean, it works in therapy... No I won't take knitting stuff... Or should I? I mean, I need stuff to entertain me for 15h in the train... No I won't unless I start a project that doesn't require much space to take on board.

I really hope I can pull this off...

Like please let this happen.

I'll figure out the money thing somehow...

I know I should not spend so much and calculate stuff like this much better but...

I didn't know earlyer. I missed the sign if there was one...

It's like something is telling me I need to go it's really weird to try and explain and I will sound crazy but there have been some weird coincidences lately, in my dreams and the real world. Yet again the source of the message is the library... The printed media is the carrier. I don't know who or what or where I get the metadata to pick a cartain thing in the library, and that thing happens to have the information I didn't know I needed. This has basically happen twice now. I'm going to consider it as something like a tradition from now on. I'm my mind the building, the venue, looks an awful like a chapel or a church. Was that what the dream was referring to? Does the stuff that happen in the dream relate to this in anyway??? Will I be scared... And the next time telling people not to go there? If so, it might... I might be drawing lines between random raindots here and calling it fate. I'm willing to take a leap, I suppose... If my body so allows.

Idk it just feels like that place became holy to me the last time.

another one would be this hill nearby I have gone to 3 years in the row. I bike north of town and drag the bike up hill a certain path in the fall. Chill under the high voltage lines and pick berries. Stare down to the distant road and look down to my hometown on the other side...

It's 4 am, sorry about all this brain vomit taking up the supposedly infinite space of the internet. But I doubt anyone actually reads this. I hope you don't.