#Anyway the reason I’m venting is yesterday my mom had a sit-down with him where she told him his driving has gotten worse

[herawell]

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[fizzingwizard]

a day/week in the life of a preschool teacher x’D loooong venting rant

Yesterday... which was a lot like Thurs, which was a lot like Wed, to be honest... but anyway, yesterday... I had an unusual number of tantrums, so I was carrying crying kids a lot more than usual. One of them kept headbutting me. She wanted attention, and she was upset that she thought I was upset with her. For some reason giving her her water bottle fixed everything. Idek.

Then one kid put up a huuuge fight at nap time, so I’m walking around carrying him, putting him down, picking him back up.

Finally, at long last, I get him to stop fighting by finding a position he decides is comfortable... which is lying on my chest with me leaning at like a 140 degree angle, rocking back and forth. Kept on “sitting” like that up for ten minutes before he finally fell asleep. My back hurtssss x’D though it hurts less than it would have three years ago when I first started this job.

Other things this week... the tantrum throwers reeeeally have been at it. Had to physically carry them down the hallway multiple times. It’s like sorry guys, I can’t leave alone with no supervision in this room lol. They are both big kids, but I remember a kid last year who was huuuge for a three year old. He’s just a large kid, that’s all. But mentally, of course, he was three, and threw tantrums like threes do, and his poor mom :8 She couldn’t pick him up at all. Neither could us. Two teachers had to pick him up, one by the legs, the other under the arms, to carry him onto the mat so he wouldn’t hurt himself thrashing around. He’s the sweetest kid, and all kids throw tantrums now and then, he just happens to be so big that it was a much bigger deal...

And I was on supervision duty literally every single day, morning and afternoon, this entire week, except for the one day that I teach a class in the morning. And most of it was in the more chaotic room x’D It’s so funny because last year, even though the kids were different, it was same situation: supervision in that room was always crazier than in the other room. There are sooo many tantrum throwers in the 1-2 class in that block, as well as biters and hitters. We have so many kids to “keep a special eye on.” At one point I’m reaching out to stop one kid shoving a toy in his mouth while dragging another away from hitting another kid by his legs.

This latter kid is also very very large, but only 2 so we can still pick up, it just isn’t fun x’D (He’s in a class with the lightest student, who is as small as a doll, carrying her feels like holding thin air.) When he’s upset, he screams and throws himself backwards quite hard. Right now, tickling and giving him a toy usually snaps him out of it, but if the reason he’s upset is it’s time to change his diaper, lol, good luck to you.

So I’m just like really exhausted physically. Some weeks are worse than others. This one was rough bc there wasn’t any break time. Like you just can’t. My coworker was taking a break and said “I know I need to do all this stuff but I just have to sit down for a while” and I’m like yeah I get you. Lol. For me taking a break is: sitting down putting together crafts/doing paperwork. It’s still work but at least I’m sitting for fifteen minutes straight.

Part of the reason this week was especially crazy: one of our coworkers has been feeling unwell and took the whole week off. Based on past knowledge, I think it’s likely she’s totally burnt out, and I don’t blame her. But that meant we were understaffed. And when a school is understaffed, who helps? Subs! However...

Recently our sub quit! We knew it was coming, she’s been planning it for a year, and she’s going to do awesome things, so we’re happy for her.

But we MISSSSS the help x’D And we have a new sub, but she’s not just ours, of course, she goes where needed and it’s pretty much first come first serve. I have never seen another sub come to this school. For a while last year we had another woman coming, but she was actually a regular teacher who was supposed to be teaching at a completely different school. Since she had to go through training anyway, they just sent her to us, but of course eventually she had to leave to do the job she was actually hired to do :P

So yeah... we had one teacher out one week, other teachers out due to illness/planned PTO at various other times, and NO SUBS. The only time we had the sub was on one of the teacher’s planned PTO days. IE we knew in advance she’d be out. But even then it’s not a given. That same teacher will take a day off at the end of November - she’s planned it over a month in advance, and they still don’t have a sub. Instead some office staff will help, as was the case this week.

Here’s the problem that all of us teachers know, but no one cares about, when it comes to office staff subbing: THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY’RE DOING. They just don’t! They haven’t been trained in it. They don’t do it every day. Every now and then one of them has worked this job before, but it’s been so long that she doesn’t remember! Having office staff there is like having no extra help at all. It really is. The only thing you can say is “We kept our 1:6 ratio.” Another pair of eyes is good as well. At the very least, the office person can hopefully watch the kids and make sure they don’t try to kill themselves. But that is it. That leaves two teachers, and sometimes only one, if there are only 12 kids, to do EVERYTHINGGGG. And we do a LOT. Like. If you are working my job, and you are sitting, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. I would LIKE for you to be able to sit!! I would like to sit very much!! But there’s always always ALWAYS something that needs to be done. Break time is when you can sit, if you’re lucky enough to have it.

This is of course not the office staff’s fault. They are supposed to be doing their job, which is not this one, and it’s rough on them as well to be randomly sent elsewhere and get their own stuff backed up. (For that reason, we usually don’t even have the same office helper all day - one will be there for two hours, then switch with another for two hours, etc etc... which makes staying organized very difficult indeed.) The company should be hiring new subs is the issue. But I don’t know whether they’re not because they can’t afford it (we lost a lot of money thanks to the pandemic), or because no one wants to work for them (shit job offer plus few people currently not working wants to work in an ongoing pandemic... with the added difficulty of the sub needs to be able to communicate at least a little in English).

We have a new sub. I mentioned her before, that she’s nice but a bit slow-moving and doesn’t do anything without being asked first. She’s had time to adjust now and knows the routine well, especially at my school since that’s where she was trained. She is talking more confidently with the kids which is great. However, she’s still moving so slow, and she still doesn’t seem able to prioritize. She will do whatever she’s asked. I am probably expecting too much because that’s how tough it is on us when one of our normal staff is out.

As for that one sub we do have, I mentioned before that she’s nice but slow-moving, and probably just needed more time to get used to the routine. Well, she’s improved a bit in talking with the kids, but you do still need to tell her to do things. She doesn’t look around and find something to do if she’s sitting on her hands. She also doesn’t understand what to prioritize. So she’s not an amazing sub, but she does her job. She does what we ask. I don’t think she’s a slacker. I think the job is just ridiculously stressful until you’re really into the routine and rhythm. I am way more happy to have her than to have the office staff. Also, she came to us from subbing at the kindergarten, where the kids are older thus more independent and teachers can sit down while they play etc lol. So I think it was a bit of a shock at first how different things are when the kids are just 1-3 years younger than those kids.

The one thing that does bug me is how long she takes to eat lunch. Last time I sent her first to be polite, and she took at least 5 min in the staff room just heating up her lunch and then around twenty min to actually eat. Usually us teachers are in and out of the staff room in 2-3 min and eat in ten minutes, because we are actually still on duty watching the kids during that time. I figured she would learn the routine and either eat her full lunches later or eat smaller ones during the day, but she did it again this time. For just that reason I wasn’t going to send her first, but my coworker did instead. This time she took thirty minutes to eat, which meant there wasn’t time for my coworker and I to both eat. I let my coworker eat and she couldn’t even finish her whole lunch in that time. I didn’t eat until after 3 that day.

But once again... as annoyed as I feel... IT’S NOT THE SUB’S FAULT. How am I to tell her “You need to eat small lunches fast”???? Why can’t she eat a normal lunch in a normal lunch-eating time??? I think she should be able to! I think we should all be able to. But lit if you take what is a normal lunch break at other jobs, here it means your coworkers don’t get to eat. Heck, there are days that we have normal staff, no subs, and the teachers still don’t get to eat their lunch during the designated lunch time because the kids (usually in the 1-2 class) needed so much assistance. Like I said. If you sit down, you’ll be up again in one minute.

I remember, when I was an ALT, we were told we had to “set an example” for students by eating proper Japanese lunches sitting down in a desk and finishing everything. (Though there was a lot of leeway in that last case because different palettes x’D I can eat a lot of things I couldn’t before coming to Japan, but I still can’t eat nattou, and I never became able to finish the whole lunch in the allotted time. Kids would scarf down their food in ten minutes of the forty we had, I was like how!) I was so scared when I started this pre-K job that I would have to set a similar example at lunch time, but I think it’s pretty much recognized how impossible that is, because I never see anyone except that sub eat a full meal at lunch. One time a co-worker did ask me not to stand while eating in my first year, but at my current school no one’s ever cared... since the reason I’m standing is every time I go to sit a kid calls me over haha.

anyway this just like the month of stressssss. november will be similar but then we get a break. The trouble is the other things I have/want to do don’t go away just because I’m extra busy/tired. Honestly I would like to stay in my house all weekend for the next three weeks to recover from the work week but...

[reginaofdoctorwho]

weird shit that would probably have something to do with me in a horror movie

no one wanted this but i’m bored and found a bottle so you’re all getting it. yes these are all true. check the tags, if u think i’ve missed something please let me know!

there was a murder (technically, i don’t really count it as a murder) next door when i was four years old on christmas morning

the weird antique glass bottle i found half-buried in the woods in the woods yesterday with living bugs in it that made no attempt to leave it once i uncovered it

there is a local cult in the next town over. this is not the same as the local cult that was in the other town over where my mom grew up

random completed animal skeletons in the woods behind our house, i’m talking prey and predator, both laid out like in a goddamn scientific diagram. for a while there’d be ones in the middle of our yard, always the same type of animal, always just the bones and nothing else, laid out like it was posed. this has been happening for over half a decade and we have no fucking clue how, why, or who is doing it

the screaming from the woods that i’m going to assume is a fox

my sister almost dated a murderer. his niece or something is in my class

there is a house that is now part of a “local ghost tour” that belonged to my great+ grand parents during the civil war where my great+ aunt died allegedly murdered by her husband who is actually blood related to me. family history says she died of childbirth, which given that it was the 1800s... probably is true

there was an actual murderer in our family a few generations back but he married in and killed his wife and her sister. they didn’t find out about it until they read his journals after he died where it apparently told everything he did and they decided. “well, that wouldn’t look good for the family, and they’re already dead anyway” and just kept it hidden??

the fact we have my great great grandmother’s dress from probably 1890s or 1900s. even more so the fact that i fit in it. if this was fantasy horror (vampires, some immortal thing or ghost) i’d be fucking dead or cursed

fairly certain i was possessed by the ghost of a puritan as a kid

my family seems to have a curse with babies and nurses? my great uncle died when he was born because long story short, hospitals were the new hot thing, he was perfectly healthy, then a nurse dropped him and he died instantly. my sister died when she was a toddler and the hospital actively tried to delete her hospital records to cover it up and ended up getting fined by the state for it. the nurses responsible were not arrested or punished in any way.

my family all has fucked up connective tissue, in my brother it was bad enough he had to get a steel bar in his chest so it wouldn’t cave in.

the many times i have almost drowned, sometimes due to intentional actions by humans (my dad, it was my dad)

this in addition to the other fucked up shit he did before the divorce when he still lived here, including but not limited to: killing my mom’s favorite pet goat, hanging its skull in a tree, and leaving the body in the woods. not letting his kids learn how to cook. anytime someone asked him to cook he’d put as much pepper/hot sauce in as he could (even for like, scrambled eggs) and give it to the youngest person, usually a toddler. this was me at times. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening murder. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening burning. purposely locked the basement from the inside so we couldn’t get the gaping hole in the stairs leading to one of three kids rooms fixed. tearing up pictures of the kids whenever my mom did something he didn’t like. i had more here but i tried to cut it down a litttle

people have threatened to murder me before. one time a girl didn’t threaten, and actually acted like she was starting to like me, but her cousin read her diary or something and found out she was planning to commit a lot of murder, and told her parents and she got sent to a psychiatric ward for a couple weeks

my mom lived down the street from a family that got axe-murdered by one of their two sons when she was a kid. the murderer did get out on an insanity plea and is still in the area. also their neighbor’s mom “lost her mind” (how the story was told) when she had to protect their kids while her husband went over to try to protect the non murderer son when he got home from school and ran over screaming about his brother trying to kill him and had killed their parents

also she knew a girl who almost got kidnapped by this really fucked up traveling serial killer that has his own wikipedia page that is,,, lengthy. the girl had [alleged] mafia ties, and the guy ended up dying shot by police despite them being told to bring him in, which sounds kinda suspicious

long story short i’d probably be the sequel where one comes back

apparently i go to the “bad” school, which i found out in a coffee shop when i overheard two girls talking about how one’s dad went there and how horrible and dangerous it is

school fights are weird. either they don’t happen or they come freakishly close to murder. people slam heads into lockers, stomp on bones, drag people by hair along the ground. one time in my brother’s class a 4′9″ girl sent a 6′2″ football player to the hospital. there was video of a fight a couple years ago that’s still around. it was brutal, but also one of the girls fighting was taking one for the team in it and got the other kicked out

we don’t have a ceiling in all of the third floor, and the cafeteria has 2. this is not relevant in any way, but it’s important to me that you know this

also the guys kept ripping the heating vents/radiators/whatever off the walls in their bathrooms and got almost all the bathrooms locked. including the girls’ ones.

also everyone kept punching holes in the walls so on some of them it’s just,,, metal sheeting down the whole hallway

there are so many fucking shootings in the next town over. literally five years ago it was this nice place where kids would go on history tours, i did when my sister worked for that group. now there is pretty much one business that has not been held up at gunpoint, and if u look up to the serial killer bullet point, it is for v similar ties. it’s a pizza place and if u ever stop by u gotta try it

women in my family have weirdly good intuition but every couple generations we get doubtful. my great grandma didn’t want a hospital birth but decided “hey it’s the hot new thing for a reason”, my mom switched churches based on nothing but intuition and it turned out someone was a pedophile there (found out years later), i instantly could tell my friend’s boyfriend was a pos and wasn’t surprised later when he told her he’d murder and dismember me in front of her, and upon meeting him told him he was a fucking coward and couldn’t do it. he broke up with her a month later.

i was really good friends for a while with two guys that burned a building down. yes they were arrested. i was friends before and after the fire. they’re pretty nice, but this girl they used to date (at different times, they were brothers, yes it was fucking weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved except her but that’s it’s own thing) said some fucked up shit and it was the closest i ever got to starting a fight. anyway i’m still friends with both on facebook. one of them shares a lot of king of the hill memes

speaking of that fight, i 100% would’ve tried to kill her in that moment. u know that john mulaney quote like “i didn’t understand how a person could want to kill another person. then i got cheated on, and i was like ‘oh, okay.’”? that was me, but replace “cheated on” with she told me it was good my five year old sister was dead because she was a waste, and told me she hoped i’d die of covid”. it was mainly the sister thing. i couldn’t move because if i did i’d start a fight with the [way] above mentioned shit.

my family has a literal feud with a local farming family. i mean, we keep farm animals (sheep, goats, chickens), these people have that, pigs, and crops too. the feud was because their great uncle (or great grand uncle, i’m a little fuzzy on the details) published an autobiography (despite not being anyone famous/important) and in it talked about when he was friends with my grandfather and how creepy my great grandfather was (this was the one with the dead firstborn son) because he kept newspaper clippings of the Lindbergh baby’s kidnapping and murder pinned to a board on the wall of his office/basement. also because he was a child of german immigrants who wanted to fight against nazis in WW2 (how suspicious [sarcasm]). members of their family are in my grade. they charged my sister for almost half an extra pound of goods, too, which just revitalized it.

i live by corn fields. i am surrounded by cornfields. (joke one)

i was friends for a while with this girl whose baby teeth,,, didn’t really fall out completely? she was 17 the last time i saw her in person, she’s probably 19 now and judging by her facebook pictures they’re still Like That. she had a very symmetrical mouth/teeth, which made it weirder. just to clarify, she had some of her baby teeth pushed forward and up, so they kind pointed out a little? and all her adult teeth. she was literally so pretty.

a teacher who is v sexual with his female students came into my english class (he is a science teacher) to demand why i wasn’t signed up for his class. we then both became increasingly passive aggressive and he told the whole class where i live with specific directions and landmarks. the guy sitting next to me had to try to tone things down despite being obviously confused as to why it was even happening (me too buddy). he lives down the road from my sister. when my niece had her birthday party at our house i was outside setting things up and he slowed his car down and honked at me. fuckin creep

[itawonka-creates]

Seabourne Burnouts: Chapter 20 - Riptide

Thank you to @rebecarojas07, @batfam-babe​, @kimihonna​ for beta reading! Start [Here] [Part 19]  [Part 21]-OR- [AO3]   TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide If you bothered by this content, stop reading once Staller says "I'll be quick."

“Why are we here again?”

“Because you and Chloe seem to have a good reputation among the staff and Chloe is with Alya.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t with them.”

“I have to do this first.” Jason groaned as Marinette dragged him around on the ship. He could tell they were heading to the staff’s quarters but she didn’t say what for. He thought back to the sudden decision. They were all gathered in the dining hall, she was tired and yawning all day but no one thought much of it. For the most part, everyone was just happy Marinette and Damian made up the day before. Marinette and Adrien were talking, much to his relief, when suddenly she froze. He remembers her suddenly stand up with a yell before realizing she was creating a scene and slowing sitting down. Everyone was clearly confused, but she assured them she’d let tell them after they got some privacy.

“So you think someone has some information on the Akumas? Shouldn’t we just interrogate them?”

“We can’t interrogate kids.”

“Kids?” She looked at her phone and looked up at the room numbers, “Whose kids?”

“Have you heard of a woman named Marleen?” She took a right and continued dragging him along.

“Yeah. She’s a badass who would punch your lights out if you make her mad.”

“Why does it sound like you have personal experience?”

Jason rubbed his jaw and shrugged, “No reason.”

Marinette rubbed her eyes and shook her head, “You’re impossible.”

“No, I’m lovable. You guys just won’t admit it.”

Marinette grinned and rolled her eyes, “Well, her kids were the first Akumas.”

“What?” He stopped in his tracks and frowned, “What do you mean?”

Marinette looked back at him and explained, “They were the pirates that attacked the night of the ceremony.” She bit her lip, “I need your help because Marleen doesn’t like me or my class. She might not let me talk to them!”

“Why couldn’t you bring Damian then? He’s good at getting information out of people.”

Marinette flinched, “Yeah, about that. Since we made up yesterday Alya and the other girls took it upon themselves to – um – rough him up or something.”

Jason snorted, “Ah, payback for making you cry.”

“I did not cry!”

“You totally cried.” Marinette pouted, but that only egged Jason on. “You think they’re still interrogating him? No wonder Chloe left with her. He’s probably dead.”

Marinette's voice was whiny as she continued on her path, “I hope not.”

Jason followed her and looked around, “Well, I can at least take another one of Marleen’s punches if you need me to.”

“I’m hoping you’d sweet-talk her or something.”

“Oh, you think your big brother has game?”

“No, but your weirdness might work in my favor.”

“I’m weird now?”

“Define ‘now’.”

Jason grabbed her and put her in a chokehold, “Oh! She has jokes now!”

Marinette wiggled around and shook her head as he messed with her hair, “Get off!”

“Just the other day you were depressed as hell and a guy tells you he loves you-”

Marinette’s face lit up as she looked up at Jason, “What!?”

Jason froze and muttered a curse as he let go, “What?”

Marinette blushed as she fixed her hair, “He didn’t say that.” Of course he didn’t.

Jason grabbed her phone and looked at the room number, clearly he was jumping the gun. “Marleen’s room is nearby. Her kids should be there.”

“Wait, Jason-”

“Come on.” The roles switched so quickly that Marinette couldn’t question it. She was suddenly being the one dragged along down the corridor.

Marinette let out a small ‘hmph’ and shook her hand out of his grip, “I’m not letting that go.”

“We’re both stubborn. Of course you wouldn’t.” Jason looked at the screen one last time before stopping in front of a door. “You ready?”

“No, but that’s why you’re here.”

“To be the punching bag?”

She twiddled with her pigtails as she said, “To be my big brother and help me out here.” Jason was pleasantly surprised at the answer, despite the bashful delivery. He smiled and held her close before knocking on the door.

It was muffled, but he could hear some kids inside and a woman yell, “Coming! Coming!” Hearing her unlock the door made Marinette tense, but Jason just did his best to stay cool for her. A woman with messy hair opened the door and frowned, “Jason.”

Jason smiled, “Marleen! Good to see you!”

“What do you want? Who’s she?”

“I hear your kids on the ship. We were wondering if we could talk to them.”

“What are you talking about? My kids left after the first attack and-”

“Mom! Mom! Jacob won’t let me look at the ribbon we won!”

Marleen rolled her eyes and called back, “Jacob! Let your brother see it! He helped you win, you know?” There was a whine that could be heard further into the room and she sighed, “Who wants to know?”

“My sister.”

“Since when do you have a sister?”

“Since she boarded the ship. Marleen meet Marinette.” Marinette nervously waved and smiled at the woman.

Marleen was unimpressed, “You’re the girl from the French class.”

Jason snapped his fingers, “Perceptive as always. Anyways, we’d like to-”

“It’s your fault that my boys got caught up in this mess.” She glared at Marinette and held a demeaning tone as she continued to reprimand Marinette, “You know how scared I was when the attack started and no one knew where my kids were? Imagine my face when the cops call me to say they had my kids in custody and one of them had a shot leg! I brought them with me to avoid getting into trouble and then your class shows up-”

Jason held his hands up in surrender and stepped in front of Marinette, “Okay! Okay. So I see you haven’t changed.”

“Don’t make me punch you again.”

“Your kids won the balloon war, so they must be doing well.”

“Smartass. After that first stop in Spain, a bright light suddenly washed over us and my son was better. Can’t explain it. It was-”

“Miraculous.”

Marleen looked at the girl and narrowed her eyes, “Yeah. What do you want with my kids?”

Marinette gulped and asked, “Can I talk to them about the Akumas?”

“You a cop?”

“No.”

“That’s your answer.”

“Marleen-”

“Don’t ‘Marleen’ me! The trip was fine until they got on it!”

Jason frowned, “That’s not fair. You really think a bunch of 15-year-olds planned this?”

“Crazy world we live in. Who knows? I’m not letting her near my kids. Might be bad luck.”

“Mom!” A kid ran up to Marleen and tugged at her pants, “Hey, are we-” He looked over at Jason and suddenly went wide-eyed, “Oh my god, you’re alive!”

The sudden outburst made Jason snort, “What? Of course I’m alive, kid.”

“But mom punched you! She said she could kill people with her punches.”

Marleen cracked her knuckles, “I still can.”

Jason held his hands up in surrender, “Your mom knocked me out. She throws really good punches.”

The kid nodded, seemingly accepting the answers before asking, “What are you doing here? Are you going to punch him again, Mom?”

“Maybe.”

Jason ignored her and crouched down to the boy’s level, “What’s your name?”

The boy stepped out from behind his mother’s legs, “David.”

“Hey David, I’m Jason. This is Marinette. I wanted to ask you and your brother about the day of the big ceremony.”

David frowned, “Didn’t the cops ask us this stuff?”

“Yeah, but we might’ve figured out something they didn’t.”

Marleen rolled her eyes, “Oh really?”

“Orders from Batman himself.” That caught her attention.

The boy looked surprised before blurting out, “I’ll go get Jacob! Jacob!” He ran back inside the room, excited.

However, Marleen was skeptical, “Really?”

“I wouldn’t be down here if it wasn’t important.”

“Then why is the girl here?”

“She knows the right questions.”

Two boys returned and David pointed up at them, “There they are.”

The older boy gave them the same look Marleen did. Marinette waved and Jacob looked away with a light blush. Marinette giggled but looked at Marleen, “I won’t ask them anything bad. Please, can I talk to them?”

Marleen looked down at her kids, who nodded and she reluctantly gave in. “Fine.”

Marinette nodded and crouched down next to Jason, “Hi. I’m Marinette. You’re Jacob?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you remember about that night? You know the one, right?”

“Yeah.” David rubbed his leg, probably the one that was shot. “We don’t remember doing anything bad.”

“No, no, I didn’t think you would. I want to know what happened right before that. You guys were playing with your toy guns right?”

David nodded, “Yeah, we were playing Batman vs Joker.”

Jacob crossed his arms and huffed, “We weren’t doing anything wrong.”

“I didn’t say you were. I just want to understand something. So you guys were playing, what happened next?”

Jacob sighed, “We started fighting over the gun.”

“Okay. So you guys are fighting over the gun. Then what?”

David shrugged, “Then nothing. I don’t remember anything. Do you?”

Jacob looked back over at Marinette and his face flushed bright red. He stuttered, “Not really.”

Marinette giggled, “You sure?”

David stomped his foot, “You wouldn’t believe us! The cops didn’t.”

Jason gestured to his face and asked, “Come on, do I look like the cops?”

Marleen answered with a quick and snarky, “No.”

The boys shook their head and Jason shrugged, “So tell us. C’mon.”

The boys looked at each other before Jacob finally said, “There was a butterfly.”

“A butterfly?”

“See! You-”

“No! No! No! I’m just making sure I heard that right! A butterfly? A purple one?”

David nodded, “Yeah! It was purple and weird looking and it flew into the gun and-” He suddenly stopped and frowned, “I don’t remember.”

Marinette hummed, “I’m sorry about that. Do you remember anything else about the butterfly?”

“Jacob saw it first.”

Jacob glared at his brother and then seemed nervous to make eye contact with Marinette. He stepped a bit behind his mom, but with a gentle pat on the back form Marleen he gulped. “It came from the vent. That’s all I remember.”

Marinette smiled at him, “You did great. Thank you.”

“How did you know it was purple?”

Jason pulled the kid into his arms and jumped up, “Because we’re awesome.”

David screamed in delight and Jacob came out from behind his mother, “I want to do that!”

“You got it, man.” Jason pulled the boy up onto his shoulders without breaking a sweat and Jacob grinned. “You good?” Jacob laughed and David seemed content with swinging on his arms.

Marleen smiled and looked at Marinette, “I gotta admit, he’s good with kids. With women? He’s a total loss.”

“Hey!”

Marinette nodded, “Oh, I know. I’m never going to marry him off.”

“Hey!”

Marinette giggled but Marleen nudged her, “So, how did you know the butterfly was purple?”

Marinette crossed her arms and looked away, “In Paris we deal with them a lot. They’re called Akumas.”

“So the bright light-”

“Was from our local hero. She fixes all damages caused by Akumas.”

“Ah, the Ladybug chick. Saw her when Tess went crazy.” Marleen sighed and rubbed her arms, “It scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know where they were, I didn’t know what happened to them. If it wasn’t for Batman they’d have a criminal record-”

“I’m so sorry. If I knew this would happen, I would’ve never sent in an essay.”

Marleen waved her hand dismissively, “Jason’s right. You didn’t plan this. I just- I need someone to be mad at.” Marinette smiled and held her hand out. Marleen shook her hand, “Alright, truce. Only because Jason seems like less of an asshole and I’m choosing to think it’s because of you.”

The two looked over and noticed Jason being ‘overpowered’ by the two boys. Marinette snorted, “He’s awesome.”

Jason looked up and pointed at her, “So you admit it!”

“Never said I didn’t, Jason.” Jason grinned before getting up and setting both of the children down beside Marleen.

Marleen hummed, “I will say this. My boys get dragged into it again, I won’t hesitate to knock you, Jason, that ladybug chick, or anyone else out.”

Marinette laughed nervously and took a step back, “Noted.”

David whined, “So now you gotta report back to Batman?”

“Yup! See you guys later okay?”

“Okay! Bye!” David was more enthusiastic, but Jacob seemed sadder to see them go. Jason ruffled his hair, forcing out a smile as they started to walk away from the door.

Marleen called out to them, “Don’t be strangers, okay? I promise I won’t punch you!”

Jason smirked, “I don’t believe that for a second, Marleen! See you later!” Marleen waved them off before closing the door. “Good kids.”

“Great kids.”

“Jacob had a huge crush on you.”

“Shut up.”

“Damian has competition.”

“Stop.”

“Gotta let him know about this. Big brother stuff. You get it.”

Marinette lightly hit his arm, “Jason, no.” She sighed and stretched, “Looks like we have another lead.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Akumas are traveling through the vents. No wonder we can’t pinpoint them. They’re traveling in the ship’s best blind spots.”

“Right.” Jason hummed, “So that means they could be coming from anywhere.”

She shook her head, “Not necessarily. All the Akumas were above deck and they akumatized the victims too quickly. They wouldn’t be able to travel through the vents that quickly unseen if they were below deck.”

“So whoever’s behind this is above deck. Makes sense. So who’s above deck that knows how to navigate the vents?”

“No, no. The Akumas would navigate them on their own. Hawkmoth wouldn’t need to lead them anywhere.”

“So anyone above deck that knows about the vents. Great. Narrows that down.” He thought for a bit before sighing, “No wait, that actually does narrow it down to about half the population on the ship. Given that most of the Akumas are on or near the main deck, I’d say they’re on or above deck too. Probably the first two floors.”

“That narrows it down further.” She nudged him, “Hey, you are smart.”

“You realize I was trained by Batman. I’m impulsive, not dumb.” Jason grabbed Marinette’s shoulders and pulled her into a side hug, “You want to be our new Robin? You seem smart enough?”

“Damian would be furious.”

“Damian would love to see you in his costume.”

Marinette blushed and looked away, “Speaking of ‘love’, what did you mean before?”

Jason cringed, “Nothing. You were just so happy, I just figured-”

“We’re in a good place.” She laughed and admitted, “I told him I love him though, but I doubt he’d ever tell me.”

Jason paused and registered this new information in his brain. Curiosity overcame him, “What did he say back?”

Marinette groaned, “He didn’t say anything!”

Jason was disappointed, “Note to self; kill Damian.”

“No! I’ve kissed him like once!”

“Really? Jesus you guys are wholesome. Fine. Once you get that second kiss, his ass is mine for being stupid.”

“He’s not stupid.” She mumbled to herself, “Not all the time.”

Jason rubbed her arm, “Your boyfriend is an idiot. What are you going to do?”

“He’s your brother.”

“Gives me even more of a right to call him stupid.” Marinette laughed, being an only child she was always surprised at how ruthless siblings could really be with each other. Jason was glad they were back on track, but they didn’t have enough time left.

He could hear Bruce’s voice echo in his head and his question held more and more weight each time: ‘You’re really going to rope her into this?’

It was something Jason didn’t think they’d need to worry about. A summer fling was something he didn’t think would ever be in the cards for his emotionally constipated brother. Yet, here he was listening to Marinette admit her feelings for Damian. It really hit him that this would be a more permanent problem once Damian confessed his own feelings to Bruce. When Jason told Dick and Tim, they had conflicting reactions.

Tim was already upset they knew their secret identities, but he expected to just leave the class behind forever after the trip. He was ready to keep this as a memory as a safety precaution. Dick was more optimistic and brought up Clark and Lois. Dick didn’t want to throw this all away when this is the most significant growth Damian has ever displayed. It caused a pretty heated argument and left everyone going to bed angry, but there wasn’t a clear answer.

“Hey, Marinette. Did you think this through?”

“Think what through?” She texted someone on her phone and made a right in the hallway. He could tell they were heading towards the computer room.

“This. With Damian. With us.”

“I did.”

“And you’re not scared.”

“I’m terrified.”

“And you’re still going to do it?”

Marinette bit her lip and clutched onto his arm, “Honestly, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like without you guys around. I’m not looking forward to the end of this trip.” She took a deep breath and sent him a look full of determination, “Still, I’m not going to give it all up because I’m scared.”

Jason smiled and squeezed her body, “That’s what I like to hear. You’ll be a Robin yet.”

Marinette shook her head, “I’m not going to be a Robin.”

“You can’t be a horse girl superhero your whole life.”

“Jason-”

“I mean Gina would never approve of something so lame.”

“Grandma would be proud of me kicking butt.”

“True.”

“Still, Marinette you could seriously get hurt. Alya, Nino, Adrien, Chloe, everyone could get hurt if anyone found out you guys knew us.”

“We all know that. We all don’t care. I think being chased down by a supervillain every week for two years does that to you.”

Jason frowned, “When this is over, I don’t have to be anywhere. You want me to stay in Paris and help out? You’d have to introduce me to Ladybug and Cat Noir first.”

Marinette looked up, hopeful, “Really?”

“I might not look like it compared to my brothers, but I was still trained by the world’s greatest detective. I could help and I’m good in a fight.” Jason was glad he was the one who got to see this girl absolutely light up the room. She nearly jumped out of her skin, instead she jumped onto him. “Woah!” She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his torso, “Hey-”

“Yes! Please, yes. Please.” The last please sounded so tired and desperate. He just adjusted her and held her as he continued walking. Sure, they got some weird looks by the few staff members that passed them by, but she held him so close. It reminded him of kids he’d save back in the day. They’d just latch onto him and only let go to latch onto their parents. This hold was only ever given by kids who were thoroughly traumatized, which only worried him further. Jason just patted her back and did his best not to jostle her on their way down.

The rest of the walk was comfortably silent. While holding a fifteen-year-old like a toddler wasn’t the weirdest thing he’s ever done, it was something concerning. Jason wanted to ask more questions, but she just rested on him. He patted and rubbed small circles onto her back the rest of the journey to the computer room. By the time they got to the room, he wondered if she fell asleep on him. Her body heat was high and she was relaxed, but the plea made him wonder just how bad it got in Paris.

He opened the door and gave the people inside a small wave. Tim just looked concerned and confused while Adrien walked over and held his arms out. Jason set her down in his arms and realized she actually did fall asleep. Adrien sighed, “Aw man, she was probably up all night thinking.”

“About what?”

“We’re having a debate. We’re good, but I’m just not on board. She’s been trying really hard to convince me though.” Adrien rubbed his cheek against her head and set her down in a chair, “Did you figure out anything?”

“Yeah, a lot actually.” He walked over to the computer and pulled up the ship’s blueprints. “The Akumas are traveling through the vents to avoid detection. I’d say they’re somewhere above ground on the first two floors. That narrows it down pretty well, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” Bruce hummed, “Let’s try to do a sweep of the area first thing in the morning. Having the kids around might work in our favor. The staff thinks they’re just weird teenagers and stopped batting an eye.”

“I mean they’re not wrong.”

Bruce looked around, “Where’s Alya and Chloe?”

Jason shrugged, “Interrogating Damian.”

“And Dick and Nino?”

Tim held up his phone, “Trying to save Damian.”

“Ah.”

“From what I hear, it’s not going well.”

Adrien smirked, “Well, at least he’ll die happy. He made up with Marinette.”

“He did? That’s good to hear.”

Tim smirked, “Be careful, you sound relieved.” Bruce just smiled as he looked over the blueprints. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that we’ll start in the residential wing. No one is allowed in the rooms without the residents’ consent. There are no cameras in the rooms. Perfect hiding place.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere. Finally. We might be able to get this guy before the end of the trip.”

Jason snorted, “And Damian can finally get a second kiss.” The three guys snapped their heads to Jason and he just nodded. “My reaction exactly.”

“Oh jeez, for a playboy’s son he has absolutely no game. You’ve taught him nothing.” Bruce glared at Tim who simply motioned towards the sleeping girl, “Try to tell me he’d score a kiss from anyone but Marinette. You can’t. That girl was his only chance and he was smart enough to take it.” Bruce initially shook his head before shrugging and nodding in agreement.

Adrien sighed and leaned on the wall, “So we have a plan. Should we go save Damian and find Staller?”

“Staller?”

Tim stretched and got out of his seat, “His niece’s memorial is tomorrow. She would’ve been 26 that day if it wasn’t for the accident. We couldn’t find the pictures so we’ve been brainstorming all night. We pulled it through in the end and made a pretty good gift. Also, we took a bottle from your office.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Adrien looked over at Marinette before decided to just lift her into his arms, “How did she die anyway? I know she was young but no one ever talks about it.”

Tim frowned and walked towards the door, “Let’s go find Damian.” Adrien wasn’t the best at reading the room, but when it came to loss he might as well have been reading a book. Her death was a sore spot and he wasn’t about to push that despite not understanding why.

Jason walked over and crouched down, “Put her on my back. I can take her.”

Adrien nodded and positioned her in a way she wouldn’t fall once he stood up. “Do you need anything else from us, Bruce?”

“No, that should be all. I’m glad to hear you all made up.”

Adrien smiled and waved as they left the room. He looked over at Tim, “So where are we heading?”

“Up. They’re in Alya’s room.”

“Ten bucks says they put him makeup and a dress.”

“Twenty says he likes it.”

Adrien chuckled, “Guys, be serious. Fifty says Chloe used Queen Bee’s venom on him.”

“Oh, no. That’s a suckers bet. She obviously did.”

“Yeah, I’m out.”

Adrien pouted but soon grinned, “Tim, do you have the present?”

“I can go get it once we’re above deck.”

Jason hummed, “Hope the old man likes it.”

“It’s a thoughtful gift made by his friends. He’ll love it.”

Tim looked over at Adrien as they walked up the stairs, “How’d your mom die?”

Adrien flinched and shook his head, “She didn’t die; she disappeared. No one knows where she went or what happened to her.” He tapped the railing and his smile held no warmth, “I want to think of her as alive and happy. Where ever she is.” Tim patted his back and Adrien shrugged, “So Staller will like it. I know it.”

“Way to go, Tim.”

“Shut it.”

“It’s okay, guys. Really. Let’s just go make sure Marinette still has a boyfriend.”

Jason adjusted his grip on Marinette as they continued up the floors to the residential wing, “He still didn’t tell her.”

Tim groaned, “I’m not surprised but I’m still disappointed.”

“Tell her what?”

“Did Chloe ever talk about a conversation between Bruce and Damian?”

“No.”

“Then don’t worry about it.”

Adrien pouted and looked over at Marinette, “You know she really loves him.”

“We know.”

“I don’t really like it.”

Tim’s sarcasm hit Adrien like a bat to the back, “Really? Couldn’t tell.” Adrien nearly stumbled and looked up at Tim flustered. Tim just chuckled at Adrien’s expense.

Adrien sighed and said, “At school, Marinette was the first friend I ever made. I think I always had a soft spot for her and it’s hard to ignore that.”

Jason asked, “So now what’ll you do?”

“Nothing. We talked and the feelings are more out of loyalty than anything. She loves Damian? Well, I’ll be there to claw his eyes out if they get into another fight.”

Tim was blunt when he said, “We’d probably help out.”

Adrien chuckled, “That’s terrible! You’re brothers.”

“That means nothing. I’ll punch him if you ask nicely.” That made Adrien bark out in laughter. Some passengers looked over at them, but they focused more on Jason carrying Marinette than the laughing blond.

Adrien took a deep breath and wiped the corners of his eyes, “Okay! Okay. I’m good. I’m good.”

Tim grinned as he continued up the stairs, “Nice to see you in a good mood, Adrien.”

“Thanks.”

“Aw, you guys bonded without me? Rude.”

“Says the guy carrying the girl he met a few weeks ago.”

Jason didn’t have a retort for that. It was true, he knew he liked Marinette after reading her paper. The sister thing started as a joke, but after realizing Gina was her grandmother it was like a switch. Suddenly, this girl was family; not just a girl his brother liked. She murmured something incoherent into his shoulder and he just quietly shushed her. If Adrien was right, she’s probably been stressing over things since their fight after Tess was Akumatized. The night before that was probably the last good night’s sleep she had. The fact that Marinette felt comfortable enough to fall asleep on him, it was a testament to how close they got. Sleeping made you too vulnerable. Too open. She trusted Jason. He wasn’t going to take that lightly.

The three continued chatting, Jason did his best to give Marinette a smooth ride as they made their way to Alya’s room. Nino and Dick soon came into view and they noticed Nino knocking on the door. “C’mon Alya! That’s enough!”

They could hear girls giggling and nothing else. Dick ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, “We haven’t heard anything from Damian. I’m starting to wonder if they have him gagged.”

Jason rolled his eyes and stomped on the door, “Alya! Open the door! Marinette fell asleep on me and my arms are getting tired!” Marinette groaned in protest to the sudden noise and he continued to lull her back to sleep.

“Dude!”

“Guys, stay quiet. She’s sleeping.”

“You literally just tried to kick down a door!”

Tim pinched the bridge of his nose, “Do you seriously think that’ll-” The doorknob jiggled a bit and Alya cracked open the door. Tim threw his arms up, “Never mind. I know nothing.”

Jason turned around and Alya’s eyes widened, “Oh jeez, she really did knock out.” Alya opened the door fully and motioned them inside, “We could’ve done more with more time, but you guys seriously ruin the fun.”

The boys filed inside the room and looked around. It was a standard room and by the looks of it, her roommate was Juleka. The girls snickered and whispered to each other before shushing each other. Dick was the first to ask, “So where’s Damian?”

Alix didn’t hesitate to point at the bathroom. Jason set Marinette down on the bed and Dick knocked on the door. “Hey, you alive in there?”

“Yeah, yeah. Give me a minute.” Damian opened the door after a moment and Tim’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“You’re alive.”

“Shut up, Drake.” He walked over to the girls and took his seat next to them and leaned on the wall, “Anyways, next question. Rose, it’s your turn.”

Alya motioned towards the group and looked at the group dumbly, “Now will you guys stop ruining our girl time.”

Nino crossed his arms, “Why didn’t you answer us?”

Damian shrugged, “They told me not to.”

Dick perked up, “I’m in. I got stories to share about this dumbass.”

Alix snickered, “Perfect. I need more dirt.”

Damian rolled his eyes, “Oh really?”

Dick smirked and stood beside Mylene, “So when Damian was 12 he stole his father’s car.”

Alix snapped her head to Damian, “You stole his car!”

Damian glared at Dick, “Great. Way to tarnish my reputation.”

“I can do worse. When he was 13, him and his friend Jon-”

Damian lunged at his brother and slapped a hand over his mouth, “No! Stopping you right there! Any story with that idiot is bound to be a bad one!”

Rose raised her hand, “Aw, can I at least ask my question? I have some more.”

Jason walked over and pushed Damian off of Dick fairly roughly, making everyone tense. “I got a few questions too. I think the girls would enjoy this one too.” Chloe let out a soft gasp but didn’t intervene. Jason knew she knew, “Number one, you guys have only kissed once.”

“That wasn’t even a question.”

Alya looked surprised, “Really? Aw man, you guys are shy aren’t you?”

Jason shrugged, “Marinette won’t let me kill you until she gets another kiss.”

Damian rolled his eyes, “And why would you kill me?”

Jason hummed and held out two fingers, “Number two. So why haven’t you told Marinette you love her yet?”

Rose and Mylene both cried out, “WHAT?”

Adrien quickly jumped over to Marinette and covered her ears, “Guys-”

Mylene leaned towards Damian with an unusually angry face, “What do you mean you haven’t told her?”

Rose was just as, if not more, intimidating. “Don’t you realize how crucial that is? You have to say it!”

Damian put his hands up in surrender and glared at Jason, “Where did this come from?”

“Marinette told me you didn’t answer her when she told you she loved you. So I thought-”

There seemed to be an invisible snap in the room as all the ladies pounced onto Damian, yelling and scolding the poor boy. He must’ve sworn to be at their mercy or something because he could’ve easily fought them off. Yet, he took the shaking, hitting, pulling, and other abuse with a brave face.

Dick leaned over to Jason and whispered, “Don’t you think that was a little mean?”

Jason shrugged, “I promised Marinette I wouldn’t kill him. This way I won’t have to.” Dick let out an exasperated sigh before looking over at the frenzy going on. He looked back at Adrien who seemed to struggle as he barely shielded Marinette from all the noise.

Dick tapped on Alya’s shoulder, “Hey, don’t you think this is a bit much? He’s not the type to say those kinds of things to anyone. Not even Bruce.”

“You can’t just leave a girl hanging like that! You have to say something back!”

Damian pushed Rose back, clearly doing so without harming her, “I did say something back! I asked her another question.”

Alya grabbed a pillow off Juleka’s bed and smacked him in the face with it. Chloe groaned, “Here I was, supporting you and standing in your corner, and you do this to me? Do you realize how valuable an alliance with me is?”

Damian rolled his eyes, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Alix begged to differ, “You did everything wrong! I’m not even into romance and I know that!”

Juleka sighed and turned his head to face her, “You know, we’ll always look out for Marinette. Do we need to be worried about you?”

Damian shook his head free from his grip, “Of course not! I care about her a lot. I-” Feeling the room’s eyes all suddenly on him prevented him from finishing his sentence. He looked away and growled, “This is stupid. Everything was fine until you guys showed up!”

Jason blinked and poked his cheek, “Are you blushing?”

“You wish.”

“Oh my god, he is.”

“Bro, I can see the pink on his cheeks from here.”

“I’m going to document this and file it under the evidence that proves Damian’s human.”

Damian, much to his dismay, could feel the heat creeping up his neck. Damian looked away from the group, “You’re starting to frustrate me.”

Dick clapped, bringing everyone’s attention to himself. He cleared his throat and motioned to Damian, “While he may not say it, he shows it in other ways. Exhibit A, the kid shows human emotions.”

“Grayson-”

“Exhibit B, he doesn’t curse at us as much anymore. He’s gotten softer.”

“We’ll see whose gone soft-”

“Exhibit C, he’s here. Damian would’ve never come here and let you girls question him this much if he wasn’t serious about her.” Damian didn’t say anything to that comment, but the silence was enough of a response for the girls to back off. Damian straightened himself out and crossed his arms, the blush losing intensity but never truly leaving. “You guys want someone who’s outwardly lovey-dovey, but that’s not Damian. He shows it by just doing things and trying hard for people. He’s always been like that.”

Dick reached out and messed with Damian’s hair. Much to his amusement, Damian didn’t fight it. Dick sighed, “You love her, don’t you?” Damian smacked Dick’s hand away and looked to the ground. Dick chuckled, “God, you haven’t changed at all. You were the same as a kid too.”

The blush came back with a fury, “Shut up!”

Dick smacked the back of Jason’s head, “Hey, what the he-”

“That’s for putting him in this position, Jason. Yeah, it’s frustrating to hear that because we all love Marinette. Still, you know how he operates. He’s not normal.”

Damian grabbed the pillow out of Alya’s hands and threw it at Dick, “Aren’t you done yet?”

Dick caught it and smirked, “Yeah, yeah. I’m done.” Dick has known Damian just as long as Bruce does, considering the time they spent together as Batman and Robin he’d argue he’s known him even longer. He’d like to think he’s the closest to him out of everyone in the family and he wouldn’t be wrong. Damian may never actually state the words ‘I love you’, but it doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there. “I love you too, Damian.”

“You are so full of yourself, Grayson!”

Adrien sighed and shrugged, “On that note, I think it’s time. Chloe, can we continue this another time?”

Chloe groaned and looked at the group, “Interrogation over. Same time tomorrow?”

Damian’s eyes widened, “I’m not off the hook after that?”

Mylene shook her head, “Oh no, not yet. We still have a lot of questions.”

Rose stood up and stretched, “That was fun! I can’t wait for the next session.” She giggled and leaned towards Damian, “I guess you can be romantic without words, huh?” Damian rolled his eyes and gently pushed her face away.

Damian let out a long groan got onto his feet. He looked over to the figure on the bed and finally realized it was Marinette. He scrunched up his nose and walked over to her. “She okay?”

“Yeah, she knocked out on me on our way back to the computer room. We have some news.”

Alya and Chloe looked at each other before looking at the rest of the girls. “Hey, we need to talk. Do you mind?”

Juleka sighed and nodded, “Yeah. Yeah. We’ll go hang out in the arcade. Looks like it might rain today anyway.”

Alya smiled and said a quick thank you as they waited for the girls to leave before continuing further. “Well, I learned something new today. I’d say today’s interrogation was a success.” Damian glared at her but she just laughed it off, “You can’t touch me.” Damian looked away, frustrated because she was absolutely right.

Adrien closed the door behind the girls as the last one filed out. Adrien then motioned for Jason to explain what he found. Jason just repeated himself while petting Marinette’s hair, “The Akumas are traveling through the vents to avoid detection. Based on how quickly they move, I’d say they’re somewhere above ground on the first two floors. We’ll start a sweep tomorrow.”

“Wow, you figured that out on your own?”

“Marinette was the one who thought to talk to the first Akuma victims and the kids were good. Marleen almost punched us though.”

Dick rolled his eyes, “How many times are you going to bother that woman?”

“She’s a good time when she isn’t in a bad mood.”

Damian yawned and hopped up onto Alya’s bed, careful not to move Marinette too much. “You’ll have to do that without us. We’re spending the day with Staller.”

“You do that anytime you’re on the boat.”

“And I call the man if I’m not.” Damian shrugged and asked, “Did you finish the present?” Tim nodded and Damian didn’t miss a beat, “Then go get it.”

Tim grumbled and left the room. Damian looked over his phone, making small notes and messaging someone. Nino was the first to point out, “You seem more, what’s the word, mellow? You seem mellow.”

“I’m in a good mood.”

Alya snorted, “I wonder why?”

“Shut it.”

“Never.” Damian looked over the girl and stretched, “I’ll take her to her room after Tim gets back.”

Chloe exaggerated her words as she poked fun at him, “Oh, staying in a girl’s room! Damian Wayne! Looks like if he’s not going to say it, there’s one way you can show-“

Damian glared at her, “Keep it up and I’ll tell Adrien that you-”

Chloe quickly ran over and clasped her hands over his mouth, “I can and will use my venom on you!”

Damian pushed her hands away and looked over at Adrien, “She feels bad for losing the balloon war.”

Adrien seemed a bit relieved, “Is that it?”

Chloe blushed and waved her hand dismissively, “Yeah! Yeah! That’s it!” Damian pinched her cheek, “Hey! What was that for?”

“For putting your hands on me.”

Alya groaned, “You guys are worse than my sisters.”

Jason shrugged, “I’m just glad to see you guys getting along again. Seriously, you guys brought the mood down.”

Damian frowned, “I didn’t mean to.”

Nino walked over and patted his back, “Aw, don’t feel bad. No one understands girls. A fight or two is inevitable.” Alya pinched his ear, “Ow! Tell me I’m wrong!”

Alya let go and shrugged, “You’re right. Arguing is bound to happen. That’s just normal.” Nino held out his fist towards Adrien who reluctantly fist-bumped him.

“You’re so dumb.”

“You love me.”

“Yes, but at what cost?”

“Adrien, we made this agreement years ago. You can’t get rid of me now.”

“Nino, I would never.”

“Bro.”

Dick laughed and leaned against Juleka’s bed, “You guys seriously make me question how far your relationship goes.”

Alya shrugged, “You get used to it. They’ve been inseparable since they met. They started laying it on thick a few months ago.”

“Why?”

Nino hummed, “I don’t know. Just felt like it. Adrien?”

“Yeah, no real reason. Just kind of happened. I think it’s hilarious.”

Chloe looked over her nails and said, “I think it’s annoying.”

Alya smirked, “I think it makes for good blackmail down the line when you guys look back on this and cringe.”

“Bold of you to assume we’d ever stop.”

Jason shook his head and laughed, “I forget you guys are teenagers sometimes. We’ve all been acting so serious lately. When was the last time we were all together like this?”

Dick thought for a moment, “The sleepover. Or that first stop before Lucas.”

Alya cringed, “I still feel bad about how that day ended.”

“Water under the bridge, Alya.”

“In this case, water under the boat.” The group groaned and Dick threw a pillow at Adrien.

It took a little while but once Tim finally returned, he walked into the room confused. Adrien was being held back while the girls beat him with pillows. Damian and Dick stayed back and watched the scene unfold while Marinette seemed to have just woken up from her sleep. Tim handed Damian the bag and asked, “What-”

Nino called back from over his shoulder, “We’re beating out his sins.”

“Puns are not sins!”

Chloe frowned, “Adrikins, you need to pay for that last one.”

“All I said was-”

Alya smacked him with her pillow, “Don’t repeat it! It was terrible!”

Adrien laughed, “You guys just can’t handle my comedic charm.”

“Oh please, you’re worse than Dick.”

“I’m funny!”

Damian looked over to his brother and deadpanned, “No, you aren’t. Women just laugh at your jokes because they think you’re attractive.”

Dick smirked, “I am attractive.”

“But you’re not funny.”

Dick suddenly pulled Damian into a chokehold, “What’d you say?”

“Grayson!”

“I’m not what?”

“Get off!”

“I’m sorry. I don’t speak loser.”

“Dick!”

Tim sighed and rubbed his temples, “I didn’t drink enough coffee for this.” Damian bit Dick’s arm, making him pull back and flinch.

“Damian!”

He ignored him, “Marinette, you want to go to your room? Staller’s probably working until later tonight. We can catch him in the den and give him our gift.” Marinette yawned and nodded.

Adrien looked over to Marinette and pleaded with her, “You can’t just leave me here!”

“Alya, let him go.”

“In a minute.”

Marinette shrugged, “You heard her. In a minute.” Adrien’s mouth hung open and stuck out his tongue in protest. Marinette yawned, “We’ll talk later okay?” She tapped her earrings and he nodded. “Good luck.”

Adrien sighed, “I’ll keep you in my will.”

Marinette giggled and grabbed Damian’s arm. He didn’t outwardly express anything, but his body visibly relaxed seemingly without him noticing. Marinette waved as they left the scene behind them. She looked at Damian and noticed something was different. “Are you blushing?”

Damian froze, “I most certainly am not blushing!”

Marinette put her hands up, “Okay! Okay. Sorry. The girls didn’t talk about anything weird did they?”

Damian visibly gulped and looked at his phone, “Nothing of interest, but we have another session tomorrow.”

Marinette leaned over to get a better look at him and pouted, “You’re a bad liar.”

Damian pinched her cheek, “That’s my line!”

Marinette flinched but giggled all the same. He let go of her cheeks and then hesitantly leaned towards her. By the time she realized what was happening, he placed a gentle kiss on the cheek he pinched before continuing down the corridor. Marinette could feel the heat coming up her neck like a forest fire. “Hey! You can’t just do that!”

He stopped, but he didn’t look back at her. Instead, he just held his hand out and waited. “Now you can have Jason come after me later, if you want.”

Marinette was confused at first before realizing what the comment referred to. She sighed and ran up to him, clasping onto his hand as soon as it came into reach. For a moment, they didn’t say anything. She was always used to grab his arm and that was that. This was new for both of them. Despite the greater distance it put between them, it felt more intimate. Still, neither pulled away. Instead, they walked towards the main deck to get to Marinette’s wing.

Marinette let out a half-hearted laugh, “I can’t believe I fell asleep on Jason.”

Damian expressed his own concern with her current state, “I have to admit. I’m surprised too. You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m just tired, I guess.” Damian frowned and she nudged him, “Hey, things are looking up. We’re together again, our friends are getting along, and we’ll spend time with – Oh! Staller!” Damian looked up and noticed the old man walking around on deck and Marinette didn’t hesitate to run up to him. Staller seemed to be in a haze as he looked over the water. Luckily, he was pleasantly surprised at the girl jumping up to hug him and he reciprocated.

Damian chuckled and jogged over to the two, “You’ll break him.”

“He’s sturdy.”

“Not as much as I used to be.” Staller rubbed his shoulder and rolled it to adjust it. “Although, I’m happy to see you two. I haven’t had the best company lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing to worry about.” Staller brushed back her bangs and smiled at her, “What brings you here?”

“We have something for you to make up for the photos.”

“You didn’t have to-”

“We wanted to.” Damian held up the bag and smiled, “We need to take responsibility.”

Staller sighed and patted the boy’s shoulders, “You do this every year. I still don’t understand why.”

The question made him apprehensive but he played it off well, “I respect you, old man. Least I could do.”

Staller grabbed the bag, “We’ll open this later. I assume it’s for Anne?”

“It’s for Anne.”

Staller nodded and looked over the railings. It was a sober moment to watch him look down at the water, thinking, until he finally asked both teens a question. “Would you like to walk around for a while?”

“Don’t you have work?”

“My co-captain needs to pull his own weight. He’ll be fine.”

Marinette snorted, “Lazy, huh?”

“Exactly.” Staller motioned for them to follow him as they wandered the ship.

Damian poked Marinette’s arm and asked her, “You up for this?”

“I’ll be fine. That was a good power nap.”

“You’re pushing it.”

“Probably!” Marinette smiled and pleaded, “Come on! I’ll be fine.” Damian’s shoulders fell and Marinette took it as a sign of defeat. “Let’s go.”

Damian groaned as he let himself get dragged away by the girl. He wasn’t annoyed, quite the opposite. Falling into their little trio made things feel like they were going back to normal. He did his best to ignore growing the pit in his stomach to enjoy himself with these two people, but he knew it wasn’t going to ever go away. It’s been there for a long time and the reason he’s so close to Staller in the first place.

Damian watched Marinette and Staller bond over a casual conversation. Marinette managed to rope him into it and suddenly he found himself between the two. Being made fun of. Being laughed at. Having conversations about nothing but things they noticed around the ship. Everything was calm for the first time in a while. Damian wondered what’d happen next.

He understood his father’s concerns, but seeing her in action put him at ease. Yet, he doesn’t get the feeling she understood just how bad things could get. She’s been facing magic, he’s been facing monsters. She can erase the damage, he has to live with it. Still, despite that, she still has a lot of the same insecurities. It’s probably more intense for her; she’s been on her own for the most part. He had networks, she had a partner who didn’t know her identity until a few weeks ago.

Damian continued to laugh along with Staller and Marinette, but it wasn’t entirely heartfelt. Probably because it wasn’t anything he was used to. This was a new world he usually hid from; forever in the shadows and watching over it. However, Damian found himself being yanked into the sunlight. Marinette was gentle in her approach, and he didn’t struggle, but he wondered how long it’d take before he was burned.

As they spent more time together, he started to notice things about Staller that made him anxious. There was a faint scent of alcohol on his breath, his speech showed that he was present in the conversation but his eyes screamed vacancy, and he still didn’t even peek into the bag. Marinette hasn’t noticed anything or she’s ignoring it.

He looked over the rails and noted how restless seemed compared to the other days. He looked up and the sky was grey, making it darker earlier. He looked around the deck and people seemed to be dressed in sweaters for the rare storm. He wondered if they should head inside but Marinette pulled him in a new direction and into a new conversation. Damian looked around, giving general comments and paying half a mind to his friends. Something was keeping him on edge, despite wanting to relax with the only two people on the ship that have broken through to his walls. Looking back at Staller, Damian noticed the man wilt as he did his best to keep a brave face in front of Marinette.

Later into the night, the storm was definitely starting to roll in. Most of the people left the deck to their room, but there were still a few who chatted amongst themselves. Damian felt his phone vibrate and noticed it was from his father. He looked around and noticed his father on an upper level looking down at the deck. Dick, Adrien, and Alya seemed to be discussing something next to him before noticing he was looking in their direction. They waved and Damian waved back before reading his father’s message. It asked why he was still up; he didn’t even notice they were close to hitting midnight. He looked back up to see his friends running away, most likely to meet them.

He looked over at Marinette and Staller, still enthralled in their own world. He hated being the person to throw them out of it. “Hey, guys. It’s getting late.”

Staller looked at his watch and blinked, “Oh. I guess we did lose track of time.”

Marinette giggled and leaned against the railing, “I guess. Should we go back to the den?”

“The den? You two need to go to bed.”

Marinette whined, “Staller, what about tomorrow? We don’t want you to be alone.”

Staller smiled at the kids and opened the bag, “Let’s take a look at this stuff.” He pulled out a bottle and smiled, “What’s this?”

“There’s more in the bag.”

Staller handed Damian the bottle before reaching further inside. He pulled out an envelope and looked confused, “You’re giving me money?”

Marinette rolled her eyes, “Just open it.”

Damian didn’t realize he was going to be nervous as he waited for Staller’s reaction. He could feel his body tense as he opened up the envelope and pulled out the photos inside. Both teens waited with bated breath as they waited for Staller to say something. Anything to tell them they did a good job.

Staller flipped through the photos and leaned against the railing. His eyes waters and a smile threatened to form on his face as flipped through them. Suddenly, the lights in Staller’s eyes were back. Staller struggled to keep his voice even before finally asking, “What is this?”

Marinette was cautious when reaching out to him, almost worried the man would collapse if she wasn’t careful. She put her hand on his arm and smiled, “We got a hold of Anne’s wife. We asked her to send over some photos. Tim printed them out for us.”

Damian nodded and surprised himself at how soft his voice was when addressing the old man, “We know it’s not the originals and some of those photos aren’t the same as the ones we lost, but we hoped it would help.”

Staller continued flipping through, looking for something until he finally stopped on one. Damian peered over to look at the picture and felt relieved. It was arguably his favorite one; with him, Anne, Anne’s wife, and his brother. That was the one he showed him when they first got close. Based off of Marinette’s face, he must’ve shown her the same one.

Marinette looked up at the captain, “Do you like it? We also looked into the whiskey bottle Robin broke and managed to find something similar in Bruce’s office. Just something to-” She squeaked as Staller pulled both kids into a bear hug. It took Marinette a second to realize what happened but soon sunk into the embrace. She looked over to Damian and sent him a small smile; a quiet victory for the two. 

Staller pulled away and laughed, “You – You’re good kids.”

The guilt ate at him, but he wanted to live in the moment. Right here, right now, things were good. Damian suddenly felt a swell of emotions and Marinette was seconds away from probably crying. Staller gulped and looked behind the two, “I think your friends are here.” The two teens turned around and saw Dick, Adrien, Bruce, and Alya watching from the entrance to the main atrium. They seemed just as moved by the scene as they were. Marinette sent over a bright smile and a thumbs up, “He liked it!” Alya cheered and Adrien and Dick fist-bumped. Bruce simply watched the two teens proudly, but Damian knew better.

Call it instincts, maybe a dumb hunch, but something told him to keep looking. Someone was watching them and it put the hair on his neck stand up. Damian couldn’t find anyone out of place, but still worried. Damian looked back at Staller and noticed something in his eyes that put him on edge. Staller still smiled, but it was fake. Damian’s been around the man long enough to tell. The light that was there when he first looked through the photos was suddenly gone. Staller held his hand out to Damian and motioned to the bottle. Damian stepped back and suddenly felt defensive, “Why don’t we go to the den first? Crack open the bottle there and I can pour you a glass. We’ll talk more.”

Marinette looked up and nodded. The wind started to pick up around them and Marinette shivered, “Looks like it might rain anyway.”

Staller slowly nodded, “Right. Go on ahead. I just remembered why I came out here in the first place. I’ll be quick.”

Something in his voice must’ve tipped Marinette off because she suddenly looked concerned, “Staller?”

Staller handed Marinette the envelope, “I’ll be quick.” He gently pushed the two forward and waved at Bruce. Bruce waved back and turned to take a call. Marinette looked over at Damian, confused. Something didn’t feel right. They looked back and Staller just continued to look over the waves. Another gust of wind caused Marinette to tense up and she quickened her pace, doing her best to get out of the cold. Damian was slow to follow but he looked down at the bottle in his hands. He made it nearly halfway to his friends when he noticed they’re faces morph.

Time seemed to slow down as he took in everyone’s reaction. Alya was first. She was laughing at Marinette’s weakness to the cold but suddenly went wide-eyed and stared directly behind them. Adrien and Dick started yelling something, but Damian couldn’t make it out over his heartbeat. His father’s made his heart drop; Bruce dropped his phone and suddenly pushed himself forward. Damian and Marinette looked back and realized what was happening.

Damian felt the bottle slip through his hands as he quickly turned and started running. He saw Marinette in his peripheral vision running beside him and reaching out her hand. The sight of Staller climbing over the railings was almost unreal. Damian realized what that look was about earlier, why he was outside on deck earlier. This was his plan all along.

The shattering of the bottle suddenly made time move forward. Staller didn’t even react to the screaming, nor did he look back at them to acknowledge it. He just looked down and stepped off. Damian took out his grappling gun and he could hear Marinette scream, “SPOTS ON!”

It was instinct and pure panic. Both jumped off the railing and dove for Staller. As soon as they grabbed his hands Damian shot the gun. The rope sprung up and both Bruce and Dick were there to catch it. Both let out a small grunt at the weight they were pulling while Ladybug wrapped her yo-yo around the railing. The sudden stop caused her to let out a small whimper. Damian could feel his shoulder burning and tingling, but his focus was on the man barely hanging on.

“ARE YOU CRAZY?”

“STALLER, PLEASE, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS!”

Staller looked up at the two and started to almost analyze them. Damian cursed to himself once he felt the rain start pouring over them. Staller didn’t even register it. Instead, he laughed, “I knew you were Ladybug!”

Ladybug breathed heavily, “Really? We can talk about it! Just – Just grab my arm so you don’t slip!”

Staller didn’t respond. He looked over at Damian and got a good look at the grappling gun, “I know that thing. You were the Robin that ruined my den.”

Damian nodded doing his best to ignore the numbing sensation in his shoulder, “Yeah, old man! Come on! You can yell at me all you want! Just hold on!”

Staller smiled and shook his head, “I’ll be quick.”

“NO! No! Staller, please!”

“Come on, Staller! Who else is going to go to take care of all those ships, huh?! What about Anne?! You think she’d want this for you!? No!”

Ladybug shivered and her hair stuck to her face as the rain only got more intense around them. She was losing her footing against the ship’s side. She tried to pull Staller up, but if she even jostled him he slipped further out of her grip. “Staller, please listen to us! We’ll help you! We can call your family! We’ll call doctors! Just please hold on to me!”

Staller looked almost calm. The storm around him meant nothing. Maybe it was the lightning, or maybe it was the water in his own eyes, but Damian saw something flash over Staller’s eyes. Ladybug must’ve seen it too because she suddenly shrieked, “STALLER, NO!”

Staller let his hands go limp.

Damian’s seen people die before so he knew what their eyes looked like. When he was little, the eyes really stood out to him. Living people always have a glimmer, dead people have a dim glassy glow to them that tell people no one’s home, and then there’s those who die. It’s like a light just goes out with the final breath. As Staller fell out of their grip, he saw the lights just evaporate before he even hit the water.

“NO!” Ladybug used the ship’s side to propel herself off and dove into the water after him.

“LADYBUG!” Damian cursed under his breath. He wouldn’t be able to withstand the waves with his shoulder like this. He knew it was dislocated. He looked up at Adrien and barked at him, “GO AFTER HER! CAT NOIR! GO!” Adrien seemed to snap out of a shock before he nodded. Dick and Bruce started to pull while Adrien took out a container. He picked out the blue piece of cheese and threw it into the air. Plagg quickly flew out of his shirt and ate it, transforming, before Adrien jumped onto the railings.

“PLAGG, CLAWS OUT!”

Cat Noir dove into the water while Damian struggled to get over the railings with his brother’s help. Damian slipped and landed on his side. The sharp pain went through his body and he writhed while doing his best to keep from crying out. He could hear Alya running around the border of the deck, “I don’t see them! I don’t see them!”

Dick pulled Damian to his feet where he noticed a small group of the remaining staff members that didn’t go inside when the storm came overhead. Tess was among them and she just looked at the rope and then over the railing. Tess blinked, snapping out of the initial shock, and motioned for them to follow her. “The ship’s moving! If we’re going to see them, we have to go towards the back!”

Damian didn’t hesitate to chase after her. He held his shoulder and cursed each time he slipped. The four of them crashed into the railing and looked around. Alya was starting to hyperventilate, “I don’t see them! MARINETTE! ADRIEN!”

Tess screamed and, after looking down, he understood why. The dark water coming from the back of the ship suddenly gained a red hue. Damian felt sick, “No. No. No.” He kept looking around for a sign of something, anything. Alya looked like she was going to be sick as she covered her mouth and shook her head. He walked over and shook her shoulders, “They’re magic, right?! They’ll be okay, right?!” Alya didn’t seem to register his words at all.

Dick snapped his head to his brother and wiped the water from his face, “You knew?! Damian, you knew!?”

“Shut up!” Damian ran over to the railing and looked around one last time. His vocal cords hurt just as much as his shoulder did when he cried out, “ADRIEN! MARINETTE!” Bruce walked over to his son, reaching for him before Damian slapped his hand away. “No! No! They’re fine! MARINETTE! ADRIEN!”

“Damian!”

“Father, they’re fine! MARINETTE! ADRI-”

It was sudden, but the green stood out almost immediately once Cat Noir broke the surface of the water. He was holding Ladybug in his arms, unconscious. Cat Noir started waving desperately and Dick pulled out his own grappling gun and aimed it at the hero. Cat Noir starting swimming towards the rope, careful to keep Ladybug’s head above water.

Bruce took the chance to grab Damian's shoulders and turn his body to face him. Damian flinched and hissed at the pressure on his shoulder, but Bruce continued to apply it. “What were you thinking!? Damian, you are supposed to report everything! Everything!” When Damian didn’t answer, Bruce shook him. “Damian!”

Bruce watched as his son retreated so far into himself, any expression or emotion escaped him. Bruce found himself yelling at a complete and utter husk as his son detached himself entirely from the situation. Damian only looked at Bruce’s watch and licked his lips, “Its Anne’s memorial.”

Bruce didn’t know how to respond. He heard a loud ‘splat’ sound next to him and looked over to see Cat Noir heavily breathing over an unconscious Ladybug. Ladybug de-transformed and the kwami wilted next to Cat Noir. Alya ran over to her and put her ear over Marinette’s mouth, “She’s not breathing! GUYS!”

“Move!” Dick pushed Alya out of the way and started performing CPR. Tess ran over to check Cat Noir, but Cat Noir kept his focus on his partner. “Bruce!” Bruce looked over to Dick who just scolded him, “Get a gurney!”

“I got it.” At least the Robin part of still him kicked in. It was a shred of himself that he held onto that kept him tethered to reality. Damian ran off and Bruce just glared at his son.

Marinette suddenly starting coughing up water and turned over to throw up whatever was left in her system. While the others fussed over her, Bruce simply walked over to Tess and held out his hand. “Give me your phone.” She didn’t argue.

He dialed a contact he knew by heart and when the sophisticated old voice answered Bruce felt somewhat relieved. At least one thing stayed the same. “Hello? Wayne residence. This is a private line.”

“Alfred. We’re going to need to do some heavy damage control out here. We’re still 10 hours away from the nearest port and we need authorities now.”

“Master Bruce? What on earth happened?”

He looked over the scene before him and scowled, “All hell broke loose.” ******************************************************************************************* For anyone who is struggling with Suicidal Thoughts: US Hotline - 1-800-273-8255 Thank you for being patient and enjoying the lastest chapter of Seabourne Burnouts! Tag List (Bitch I have a tag list whAT!?!?!): @maribat-archive @ozmav @thornangelic727@imfreakingmagical@constancetruggle @chloe-bourgeois-is-big-gay@someone-ev   @zazzlejazzle @tinybrie @mewwitch @rhub4rb@saphiraazure2708 @never-neverland @unholykrow @slytherinhquinn @literallytryingmybestbutok @redscarlet95 @grimmhallow31 @fandomkitten9653 @myriad-of-passionate-pettiness @fanboy7794 @mystifiedgal @shizukiryuu @ vixen-uchiha @resignedcatservant @mystery-5-5 @miraculousl4dybug @blackcanary13 @origamieater @moonlitarchangels @mochinek0 @imfreakingmagical @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @derpingrainbow @unabashedbookworm @skyel0ve @northernbluetongue @cadencehood @sizzling-fairy-oil @crazylittlemunchkin @saphiraazure2708 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @ginamarie1512 @kae690 @ivette0712 @zalladane @ellerahs @auradonfairy @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @scribblinggraveyard @nyctamaximoff @snow-swordswoman @maude-zarella @thebookwormfairy @melicmusicmagic @zalladane @ivette0712 @ginamarie1512  @bookreader20003 @silvergold-swirl @celestiacq @themcclan @amethyst-starr5 @tamoni112 @lunar-wolf-warrior @alexzandria-747 @nataladriana9 @moonlitarchangels @iglowinggemma28 @hunter-shyreen @mermaidofthelost @jessigurl-design @vgirl-10123 @lunar-wolf-warrior @casual-darkness @xxmadamjinxx @normal-piece-of-shit @tinyterror333 @romanoff-queen @schrodingers25 @alessialeone6997 @mindfulmagics @slytherin-heartthrob @da-tasuky @asianfrustration13 @eliza-bich @kuhakuanon @my-name-is-michell @theatreandcomicfreak @interobanginyourmom @starry-bi-sky @etheralentity @creator-josie @kurogaya913 @st0rmy-w1th1n @casual-darkness @vgirl-10123 @poshplumcot @thebookish3lf @queenmj10 @corabeth11 @goblinwhoships @ilovefluffbutsmutisalsogreat @violatiger8 @maribat-owns-my-ass @captainartsypants @deathofafangirl01 @maribat-owns-my-ass @nickristus-dreamer  @amayakans Let me know if I missed anyone and message me! I’ll be sure to see it then!

[kichimiangra]

I only needed 5 minutes...

A story of my day.

I Dunno who actually wants to read this? I wouldn't even want to. But I feel like I need to vent. The last couple of weeks have been fucked... but yesterday I ruined the day... again. I've been doing that alot lately. Almost every other Saturday since August. I hope venting makes me feel better if nothing else. I'll probably delete this later because I don't like leaving a notable paper trail of this stuff that anyone can find. Nothing but trouble comes of that. When I'm on my pc I'll put this under a read more because I dunno how to do that on mobile.

-----------------------

The Holidays are almost over and I am running out of time to get done. One thing in particular, a gift, is unfortunately gone. My mom has orchestrated all of Christmas, even down to the gifts other people are getting for her... and she's not happy about it. She feels like nobody is willing to lift a finger to help her make Christmas happen. I wanted to surprise her.

She loves making soap. I'm not good at sculpture but I wanted to make a custom soap mold for her. I began with the original that would be used to make the mold. It took days upon days of trying and retrying to get it satisfactory, including one failure where my momnpoked her head in and I slammed my chin down on it so she wouldn't see, though my dad swears my mom never pokes her head into my room... but like she does???

Anyway... I finally had my original, though I think I could do better there's not much time left. I ordered a silicone mold kit and went to work... and it failed immensely. BUT there's still a little time left! I'll order another. Now THIS time was frustrating.

My mom wasn't being nosy... but literally EVERYTIME I got the stuff out to work on she would be there by sheer coincidence! Wait until she's asleep? Dad will have a coughing fit and wake her up and she'll wander out into the kitchen. Wait until she's out of the house? She never leaves. Wait until she does? She forgot something and comes home unexpectedly and I have to quickly hide my shit. She's not doing it on purpose but it gets more and more frustrating that I just can't just fucking get this done! Like... Jeebus Christmas! My dad says this doesnt happen but... it does????? And then I fuck up my second attempt. Fuck... I have less time...

But that's okay! I have enough time to order another kit! I've only spent 80$ so far with nothing to show but third times a charm!!!

Once again I just can't get the time to get this done. She's always there, or up, or poking her head in. It's almost cartoonish! But I have not time left. It has to be today.

My folks go down for an afternoon nap and I immediately get to work. I get toward the end of working, all's going well. I only need 5 minutes...

Then my dad gets up and my moms not far behind. Fuck... I can't move the mold yet... fuck. I just need 5 fucking minutes! I'm wrestling with curious cats. Fuck... My dad is useless at maybe luring my mom away. Fuck... my mom insists she needs to be in that same corner I'm working at. Fuck...! I just need five minutes!!!

Then of course disaster strikes... there's a crack or a hole in my original and silicone is leaking out! I had barely enough silicone to even make this happen! I can't afford to lose anymore! Fuck! I need to fix this! I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

I'm getting frustrated to the point I am starting to do that angry sob thing. I take it to another room now that I can move it. I just need 5 minutes to fix this! My parents follow my to the other room to find out what's wrong. Honestly my dad knows what I'm trying to do so given the context what do you thing is wrong dad? Clearly something has gone wrong with my mold. I tell him to go away cuz really I'm trying to fix this and I need to be left alone. I need five minutes to fix this... but he won't leave until I tell him what's wrong. I try to whisper it to him, the mold is leaking, I don't have enough silicone, nowhere local sells it, I can't get more in time. But his hearing has gone so he can't hear what I'm saying! He wants me to speak up but mom is just around the corner in the other room! I need him to fucking go. I'm frustrated and I tell him rudely "Just fuck off! I have to fix this!" Rude and inappropriate I know... but I just need 5 fucking minutes to fucking fix this I am sobbing at this point.

My dad leaves but of course my mom comes in next and wants to know what's wrong. I'm being very curt with her using my body to block the sight of my mess, telling her as calmly as I can, which isnt very calm, that nothings wrong, no she cant help me fix it, I'll tell her later, go back to the kitchen. I don't swear at my mother. That is important. I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

Finally the leak stops but so much silicone is on my baking tray that the mold is no longer submerged. I use a plastic spoon to get as much as I can back in the mold but it's not enough. I'm covered in silicone up to my wrist, and it's also in my hair. I put it up on a high shelf because the cats helped ruin mold #2 and sit down to mourn the loss of the only gift I had for my mom. I had no backup plans and this ones a bust.

I just need 5 minutes to calm down. I was rude to my parents and need to apologize to them, but first I need 5 minutes to just calm down and breath. Maybe I can find another gift in time? Maybe I can just wrap the original and promise in the nearish future when I can procure more silicone that she will have a mold? First I need to calm down. Then I need to apologize.

My dad comes into the room and chews me out about how rude as I was and how I need to go apologize to my mother. I hate when they do this, now when I apologize it's because I was told to, not because I took the initiative to. My folks can't comprehend I would otherwise apologize if not being told. All I wanted was 5 minutes to calm down.

I go and apologize. I am not the good guy in all of this, I am an adult. An autistic adult but an adult nonetheless, and being rude to my parents was inappropriate regardless. I didn't get my 5 minutes but off to apologize I go. "I'm sorry I lashed out guys. I was doing something, it didn't go my way, I got super frustrated and you guys were just there by coincidence. I didn't mean to lash out." I did mean what I said.

Mom didn't see it that way. My mom is very passive aggressive and honestly I get to be one of the reasons today she hates living here in this house and around us because all we do is "abuse" her physically and verbally. She hates living here and she hates being around us. I apologized again because great. Once again Kacey ruins everything. I need to stop being upset about this shit it's like every other saturday! She continues about how much she hates it here. I leave the room trying and failing not to sob.

My mom also gets up and goes to another room. Whatever she's doing is loud and she's quite verbal about it. I go back to my room, I just need 5 minutes to cry and calm down again. I still have other shit to do for Christmas too.

My mom comes by with a box and puts it on the table, with a sharpie she writes "Christmas soap fail 2020" and tells dad to take it to the basement. For context we had been making soap kits for xmas gifts. I had coworkers who got me gifts. I was dissuaded from buying them much in return because we were makin by the soap gift bags. Those where the soaps... I have nothing in return to give my coworkers. I don't have enough time... all the while my mom is still going off. Later my dad says it wasn't all my fault, he had done something to upset her earlier in the day, then my older sister, I was just the straw that broke the camels back. But honestly in this family it's whatever baby wants; baby gets." And what baby wants is to be mad at me.

I go upstairs and hide in my brother's room. Surprisingly despite the fact that my mom acts like he is one of the only people who care about her and defend her, he was the first one to tell me "Fuck her. If she wasn't going to be mad at you it was going to be something else. Now watch me play Aladdin on Sega genesis!"

After a while my younger sister came over to do her laundry. I began to quietly tell her what the flippity floop she walked in on. In the middle my mom came out and started chewy us out. Y'know, don't let her interrupt us from talking privately amongst ourselves about how much of a bitch she is. Her words not mine. And to be fair I was telling my sister about how I lashed out and caused this. But my mom doesn't like when we sibs talk privately, though she also doesn't like if we overhear what her and my dad talk about privately. Double standards I know.

I thought maybe if I explained what was up maybe she'd understand? So I out myself. I was trying to make her a surprise gift. She orchestrated ALL of Christmas and I just wanted to surprise her. Everything started going wrong and I was getting frustrated because she woke up and entered the room at an AWFUL time and I couldn't get me and my wip gift away from her seeing which made everything worse. Now one thing to know about my mom, explaining oneself is equated to excusing your behavior... and she does not tolerate that. She chews me out more. I'm sobbing again.she insists I told her to fuck of and get away from me... even though I did NOT curse at my mom... at all. I was rude but I did NOT say that! I repeat that I had just wanted to surprise her. She tells me about how unsurprised she is that this is how her day ends. She tells me that she doesn't want whatever trinket I was making for her because now it's tied up in the baggage of having apparently told her to fuck off and get away from me, that she doesn't want another in a long line of ass-kissy gifts because that makes being rude to her okay. It wasn't an ass kissy gift in response to being rude to her... it was a custom made Christmas gift for her... because I thought she'd be surprised? Because I thought it'd make her happy? Though I guess it doesn't matter... she doesn't want it anymore. She doesn't care what it was. Now it is a bad reminder of me treating her like everyone in her whole life has except specifically people who are dead. I have ruined quite a few things.

Honestly... I love my mom. I love her so much and I wish she could be happy. I want to do things to make her happy. But when she tells me that I am just one of the things that make her wanna run away to another state and tell no ody where she went and love alone... I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I wish I was dead.

I am a 29 year old autistic woman. I feel like a failure at growing up. I have stressed part of my colon into not working anymore. I still live at home with my parents and work in a minimum wage fast food job. I have few friends and I speak to them infrequently, but if you are at a place where I call you friend... we could not talk for 10 years and your still my friend until officially broken up. I surround myself with animals and I play with a digimon tamagotchi. My sisters have grown up jobs and drive and live in an apartment away from home and I feel like a failure because I missed all these adulting milestones. I feel CONSTANTLY guilty about everything. I feel like I can't say "hey let's do a shark mermaid themed charity zine and all the proceeds can go to buying preservatives for Rosie the dead great white shark!!!" Without the guilt at the mere idea that someone will tell me "Wow... you care more about a dead shark than say... real living people? You know there's no water in Flint right???" Without feeling guilty that... yes? I like a dead shark more than living people? I don't like people? Also shark is cool? I feel guilty that if I call a day off work SOMEONE ELSE has to be inconvenienced to work my shift. I feel guilty playing World of Warcraft because I'm accused of "Chasing a time I view as better" instead of growing up and moving on. I feel guilty about wanting to ask for someone else's time because they too have shit to do. I feel guilty about so many things...

And I feel guilty when my mom says I'm just another abuser in her life. Her fuse is so short it takes almost nothing to set her off. You have to be calm and happy all the time or she has to "walk on eggshells because anything she does can set US off!"

When my mom is mad at me like that... I hate myself. I have some dark thoughts on a normal day but when she's mad at me in this specific way... I wish I could just unexist. Or go to sleep and just not wake up. I can always logic my way away from the dark thoughts... but they're there nonetheless. And when I'm one of the things that makes my mom want to run away? Then I just wish I was dead really. Or just unalive. Not since I was 14 at least. I don't want to die. Just cease to be. I don't know if that counts as being suicidal but I'll tag for it anyway.

I don't normally talk about this shit with people. I don't wanna look like I'm crying out for attention or help or pity. I don't talk to my folks about it because there's never a good time. When I try to hint it's not taken seriously, and when things aren't bad I don't feel as bad. Keeping quite hasn't made me feel better so maybe just typing this out and being heard will make me feel even slightly better? Like a diary entry.

There's more to the morbs in my life but for now I leave it as this. It's 7am, I am in bed and have dried silicone in my hair and under my nailes, and I have work today. Who knows, maybe it'll all blow over like it never happenned like the bipolar way things go in my family sometimes. Maybe I'll get out of work and my folks will be happily dancing in the livingroom to sugar pie honeybunch like teenagers in love and I will be the only one stressed about it.

Don't take this post at face value. This is only my side. The human brain is flawed and the human ego will remake memories to protect itself. I normally turn to siblings who where there at the time to tell me if what I think happenned really happenned that way.... but I've also been informed that my siblings don't want to deal with me, and don't have the balls to call me out on my bullshit so will tell me whatever I want to hear, so really... I don't even trust that my recount of events even happenned that way.

Maybe I'll continue the story in another post?

And now

I go to bed. Goodnight. I am a tired bitch. I probably only just need 5 minutes to fall asleep.

P.s. I'm sorry if you read all that. It's a bummer. I know. I'll hide it under a read more when I'm on pc.

[legisaskerator]

vent sorry I can’t read more on mobile idk how

fjsksksjfldksk. I’ve been so depressed for the past few days and it’s got me pretty messed up but I feel like I shouldn’t be?? like that’s SO dumb I have so many reasons to be falling right now. but like it’s so expected to be sad and anxious right now I feel like I shouldn’t be for some reason, that I should just be getting on with it or like everyone else is depressed so it just doesn’t matter, idk. But I’ve just been feeling so awful and it isn’t even the election really at all it’s everything else

My car is fucking up AGAIN, mostly. I just got it back last week and the second day I was driving it the fucking error message came back up, the same one I got before. Something with my transmission. Moms boyfriend is a good mechanic so he’s been dealing with it but it’s so stressful cause I can’t afford parts at all, this is an 06 BMW that I didn’t ask for but was given to me when I needed a car and, it’s so expensive to repair. Last time the parts came to $400 and mom didn’t let me pay because they knew I couldn’t handle it right now but it’s so frustrating to have this keep happening, like ffs I’m not doing anything WRONG I’m literally not it’s just falling apart

Not to mention I really really wish my boyfriend would get a job :/ like we’re not struggling it’s not something I hold against him. I understand why he doesn’t have one, his skills are really specific and like he needs a job where he’ll be making more than unemployment gives. This man is SO talented and smart, had govt. clearance for a while for a previous job so I know he really just can’t take any old job out there, he truly needs something in his field at this point. His primary workplace shut down early in COVID and he’s been looking for months, but there’s nothing in our area. And his car is unregistered due to bullshit with the town so he’s been trying to fix that too, and it’s all sorts of frustrating for ME because I hate seeing him at home alone all day sitting on the computer doing nothing. I have to ask him to do dishes and take the trash out and i feel like I shouldn’t have to?? The trash has been full for three days now and I physically can’t bring it down two flights of stairs so I can’t help with that. But I clean around the house, I do everything that isn’t dishes trash or laundry!!! Half the time when I come home it’s not done or only half done or he’s just starting it and...man....I feel shitty but I don’t ask a lot, and I work 22 hours a week so the very least he could do when he’s home every second of the day would be to just....do the few things? I know he’s depressed, though, not leaving the house so much. But he could!! I offer for us to play Pokémon go or do things and a fair amount of the time he’d rather stay home. I just really want him to be happier, more fulfilled, cause I know he’s not. I love him with every atom in me, I just want his life to be able to get back on the track he wants it on. He’s talked about getting a bartending license which I support but that’s $500 for classes right before winter, before Christmas, If there’s going to be an emergency when we need a lot of cash I feel like December-March is that time y’know?? Emergency heating or shit idk I’m just worried, and also where would he even bar tend bars shouldn’t be open!!! What if he gets sick!!!!

Another thing that’s bugging me is that I worry he’s been smoking too much weed....now I’m not anti weed I’m quite the stoner myself, but we’ve been going through our supply faster and it’s stressing me out. I’ve been trying really hard to keep my usage levels down to save money, right? So this 1/8th I decided only three small bowls a day to make SURE it lasts longer. And yet!! It was gone in four days. His bowl is kind of big and every time I suggest maybe he get a smaller one, he gets offended cause he’s had the same bowl since he started and doesn’t want a new one. Like I get the sentimentality but it’s huge and I hear him at 3am packing it when I’ve been in bed for hours. We had one big nug yesterday when I left for work and when I came back it was gone. He claimed he only had one bowl but I really have no idea how the whole thin could have gone into one bowl like seriously. I don’t want to talk to him about it because it seems petty but he’s always saying we smoke too fast and at this point I don’t think it’s my fault. But idk. My bowl is like 1/2 the size of his, maybe smaller. How am I supposed to deal with this? It’s so petty and shouldn’t be important but, alas, here I am stressing over it. I think if he gets a job he’ll smoke less (cause he’ll at least be out of the house) which is another reason why I don’t want to bug him about it. I understand his situation, we literally live together. I just wish it wasn’t happening :///

anyway yeah two days of brain static have been really rough and I’ve been ruminating really badly, it’s good to get these thoughts out of my brain. I double dozed NyQuil so I’m just waiting to be knocked out at this point

[kimjongdahhwae]

Crush Culture

Pairing: Jaemin x Reader Genre: Fluff, High School!AU

a/n: When you listen to a particular song and a scenario just popped out of your mind HAHAHAHA. In this case, the song is Crush Culture by Conan Gray. Listen to his EP entitled “Sunset Season” , 11/10 would recommend!!! 

This is not proofread so I’m sorry for the mistakes. HSKHSKHSK 

Anyway, enjoy reading. ________________________________________________________________

"Jesus Christ Yeri, stop looking at your phone and finish this project!" you retorted at your groupmate who is also your best friend.

"I literally stopped for like 2 seconds to check the time y/n, don't overreact!" she said and continued to type your paper in History.  

"And you're literally using your laptop, why can't you just look at the time on your laptop, it's right there!" you grinned

"Shut up!"

"Obviously you're waiting for him to text you, well he won't," you said and continued to read other references on your laptop.

"This is why nobody likes you."

"Sometimes I ask myself why did we become best friends? Oh yeah right, because you love me," you said and made Yeri rolled her eyes and laughed.

High school is one of the shittiest moments in your life, with all the boys and girls trying to get noticed by their crushes or worse, being in a relationship. In high school, it seems like "who are you with" is more important above everything.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I was up all night finding some more references," your other groupmate said while placing his bag on the table.

"Jaemin, we know you stayed up all night because you're playing video games with Jeno," you said, still focused on your laptop.

"I didn't say that," Jaemin said, opening his laptop while rubbing his eyes.

"You don't have to, because it's pretty obvious," you pointed at his laptop screen and his eyes widened when he saw the icon of the video game, still opened.

"See, this is why no one has a crush on you," Yeri said sarcastically.

"I'm too smart for them anyways," you joked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's a lunch break and you're currently eating in the cafeteria with Yeri.

"Why do they show their clinginess and affection here, IT'S A FREAKING SCHOOL!" you remarked, annoyed at the couple sitting on the table across you.

"Why are you so mad about couples doing their stuff, being sweet to each other or whatever. That's how they show their love for each other," Yeri replied and took a bite of her sandwich.

"I don't hate them, I despise them."

Minutes later, Jaemin arrived and took a seat in front of you while placing his backpack on the table.

"Did you print our paper?" you asked, he just nodded and yawned.

"You played video games all night again, why am I not surprised," Jaemin didn't answer and placed his face flat on his backpack.

You were surprised when Yeri slammed her left palm on the table while holding her phone on her other hand.

"Got to go guys! I just need to meet someone!" Yeri excitedly said and exited the cafeteria.

"Geez, what's up with people and their so-called crushes," you rolled your eyes and finished your lunch.

"What's up with you and your irritation towards crushes," Jaemin said, face still on his bag.

"They make me want to spill my guts out. People pursue their crushes but in the end, it will not work out." 

Jaemin lifted his face and looked at you.

"What if you met someone and I don't know, you fell for that person?"

"I doubt it," you laughed.  

Jaemin stared at your eyes.

"Just, what if?" he asked, and he seems serious.

"I don't know really, whatever happens, happens I guess?" you shrugged because the thought of you having a crush? Not gonna happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jaemin, where are we going again?" you lazily asked and letting yourself get dragged by Jaemin.

"There's this new arcade that opened yesterday, Jeno told me about it," Jaemin stopped at his tracks.

"And why are you dragging me there instead of Jeno?" you crossed your arms. You just want to go home and sleep, or watch Netflix.

"We already went there yesterday! So I thought, why not I asked you to go with me?"

"Okay first, you didn't 'asked' me, you just told me to come with you somewhere."

"But--" Jaemin was cut-off by you, shushing him.

"Second, I'm tired. PE drained me physically and mentally. Third, I left my wallet at home. I don't have any extra money."

"Fear not! I'll treat you so let's go!"

Seems like this boy will never give up, you let yourself get dragged by Jaemin once again.

When you both arrived at the arcade, it was packed with high school students around your age and some kids with their brothers or sisters.

You and Jaemin bought tokens, courtesy of him of course because you forgot your wallet. He dragged you to the basketball game first.

"Let's battle!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah why n--"

"--you're ready to lose?" you said while grinning.

"Oh, it's on!"

"The loser will buy pizza!"

You and Jaemin went to every multiplayer game and tallied your scores who won on that particular game.

"Guess I'm buying you pizza before going home?" Jaemin asked when the two of you went out of the arcade.

"Of course, told you-you're gonna lose," you smirked.

"Well, lead the way miss y/n," he said and made a gesture with his hand. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Jaemin became close months after.

When you want to do something, go out or go to the library to study and Yeri is not available or busy, you text Jaemin. You two are always hanging out with each other's houses.

You're now waiting for Jaemin outside of the movie theater. It’ s Saturday so he asked you to hangout with him.

You [4:00 PM]: Wer r u? >:( Jaemin [1:03 PM]: omw, sorry :<

You sighed because you knew this would happen. Jaemin always wakes up late because of video games.

You smiled because you realized how you have gotten closer with Jaemin. Before, you two are just acquaintances. Now, he's like your second best friend. You thought of his mannerisms, his smile that makes your day, his deep laugh, his eyes that stared at your own pair whenever you two make a bet or debate about something.

Your phone buzzed again. You opened it expecting it was Jaemin, no it's Yeri. You're going to read Yeri's message, but Jaemin is calling you.

"Where are you?"

"I'm sorry! I'm walk--no running to get there on time, I'm buying fries to make it up to you."

"You better!" 

You suddenly had the urge to pee, so you went to the restroom. When you got out, you heard someone---a boy said Yeri's name.

"She's not even that pretty, She's the one who's pursuing me HAHAHAHA!"

"Dude, that girl is head over heels for you."

"Yes, she even tried to kiss me, who am I to refuse?"

"Then you dumped her the next day because you said she's boring. You're kinda cruel, man." 

The group of boys continued laughing, you couldn't resist yourself and punched the guy in the face.

"You boys are disgusting!"

"Who the hell are you?" he asked while holding his jaw.

"Dude, I think she's a friend of Yeri's," his friend whispered.

"Oh, that boring girl who likes me?" you punched him again at his comment.

"Just because you're a girl doesn't mean I'm not going to hurt you," he smirked and raised his arm but someone punched him first, and it's not you or his friends, it was Jaemin.

"Sorry I'm late, let's ditch this movie," he smiled and dragged you out of the scene. 

You went to the playground with Jaemin, you're both currently sitting on the swing set. It's already 5:30 PM and neither of you are speaking about what happened earlier. Jaemin doesn't like this, he doesn't like it when you're quiet and thinking about things that are making you sad.

"Hey, do you want to get some ice cream?" he tried to broke the silence.

"Can I say something....for like a second? Do you know the real reason why I don't want to have feelings with anybody?" you blurted out, having the urge to vent out suddenly.

"Yes, you said they make you want to spill your guts out."

"That's not just it, I hate the feeling of getting hurt. They will feed you beautiful lies, kiss you and then they will forget you because they found someone new," you said, and then looked down. 

"I really want to experience these things but, I can't bear the thought of someone leaving me for another. I don't want to experience this pain again. Just like what my father did," you said and looked at Jaemin, who is already looking at you.

You remembered the day your father left you and your mom for another family. You're 10 years old and just got home from school when you heard your mom and dad fighting in the kitchen, you faced them. When they saw you, they stopped but told you to go to your room.

Later that night, you were woken up by the banging of the door. You went outside to your room and saw your mother standing while crying in the living room, you saw your father already on the front door leaving. You called him and turned to you.

"Don't leave us, please. You and mom can fix this," you cried while hugging him.

"I'm sorry y/n, we can't," he broke the hug to take a look at you.

"Remember this, I love you both okay? I love you and your mom."

"If you love us then, why are you leaving?"

"I don't want to hurt your mother anymore. Give her the love I didn't give, take care of her," you father whispered while rubbing your tears away.

Then he stood up, went out and closed the door.

You told Jaemin about what happened, and how a year later you found your dad in a mall with another woman, holding a child.

"This is why I don't want to catch feelings for a person because, in the end, they'll fall out and will not catch you."

"Hey, not all men are the same," Jaemin said looking into your eyes, you didn't respond and just looked at your feet again.

"I will never do that to you. I will never hurt you," Jaemin whispered.

"What did you say?" you looked at Jaemin, shocked because of what he said.

You clearly heard him. You just don't know what or how to respond.

"Nothing," he shrugged. Once again, silence consumed the both of you.

Until both of you spoked at the same time but being the gentleman he was, he let you speak first.

"I want to go home, I'm worried about Yeri."

"I'll walk you home," Jaemin stood up and held out his hand for you. You took it even though you still feel the awkwardness earlier.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's Sunday night, you and Yeri are having a sleepover.

"Are you sure your fine?" you asked her.

"For the nth time, I'm fine, he's not worth my tears anyway," he said and popped a chip in her mouth.

You're watching some horror film in your living room. You thought this sleepover because of Yeri, because of what that guy did to her but instead, you're the one who needs some advice.

"What's the deal between you and Jaemin?" she blurted out, making you jump because of his name.

"Uhh, we're fine? I guess?" you said and scrolled tweets on your phone.

"Y/n you're not telling me something. What did I miss between the two of you?"

"Nothing! We're just friends!" you said defensively.

"I know your lying," she smirked.

You gave up and told her the events that happened yesterday.

"Well, do you like him?" she raised her eyebrow.

"No? As I said, we're just friends."

"Well, in that case, you don't mind if he will have a crush on other people at school? or if I will have a crush on him?"

"N-no!"

"Think of a thing you've always wanted to do."

"Then?" this time, you're the one who raised an eyebrow.

"Then think of a person who you wanted to accompany you in doing that thing," Yeri said and smirked at your reaction.

"You smiled, I know you thought of Jaemin first before me," she pointed at your face.

"No I DID NOT!" yes, yes you did.

"I'm going to sleep. Sort out your feelings. I know you're still scared of experiencing these things and thinking that men are the same but Jaemin is different and I can feel it. He likes you so much and It's very obvious. You're the only one who can't see it," Yeri patted your head and went to your room. 

You contemplated what Yeri said.

Yes, you thought of Jaemin first because he's the easy going type of person, unlike Yeri. You always want to hang out with him because his sense of humor is different. He's always making you laugh and sometimes it's the other way around. Seeing Jaemin's smile or laugh, and knowing it's because of you makes your heart flutter. He doesn't judge you at whatever you do and listens to your rants about life 24/7. He always walks you home even though his street is on the other side. He takes care of you.

Oh mY gOd DO I REALLY LIKE HI--

Your phone buzzed, it's a text from Jaemin saying he's outside your house.

You still don't want to see or talk to him because you're scared to face him. But it seems like your feet has a mind of its own and immediately walked towards the front door. You opened it and saw Jaemin, wearing a white hoodie, sweatpants, and his favorite sneakers.

"What are you doing here this late?"

"I can't sleep."

"And?"

"I've been thinking about what happened yesterday."

"Oh, Yeri's fine. She's sleeping in my ro--"

"No, the one when we're on the playground. About what I said. I really REALLY like you y/n. You're smart, and beautif--"

"I am smart but I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL" you really can't take compliments.

"Please let me finish first," Jaemin sighs.

"Riiiight, sorry."

"I know you're scared of these crushes and catching feelings stuff but I can't control mine. I really like you and I tried to change your point of view about it so I am trying to pursue you that is why I asked you what if there's a person and you fall for that person, and I tried to be that person so I'm always asking you to hang out with me or spend time with me but you still won't budge. I know you don't like me and you will never like me bu--" Jaemin is now fumbling with his words so you cut him.

"I hate to say this but,,,, I like you too? I guess?" there you finally said it.

"What?" Jaemin's eyes widened, slowly he's smiling.

"Uhhhh, what do people call it? Uhm,,, I have a crush on you gOSH this is so embarrassing!" you said and covered your face with your hands. Jaemin removed your hands and squished your cheeks.

"You're cute when you get embarrassed," Jaemin laughed you punched him playfully.  

"Shut up! I hate you!"

"No, you said it yourself, you like me," Jaemin smiled widely. That soft smile that made you fell for him.

________________________________________________________________

[catassassinwitchery]

BIG ugly Vent

so today I've kinda been processing everything that happened yesterday and I just have to get it out there and move the fuck on or it’ll drag me down. So me and my boyfriend haven’t been dating very long only about 3 and 1/2 months...so very short but I've known him a lot longer. So I’ve been struggling a lot with depression and anxiety lately because my living situation just is super toxic but I can’t fix it. so I just wanted to talk about it with him and tell him i just need some space or to talk it out or whatever. HE asked me if i would be there because he wanted to talk to me and then he ignored me for 3 days which was really fucking rude.HE SAID he would be there and he didn’t show up but a few friends including some mutual friends, one of which is his best friend who we’ll call apple. Well boy oh boy did apple have some shit to tell me. So apple was relying on my boyfriend for a ride home and he didn’t show up so someone texted him asking if he would and he told them no because at his small group/ bible study they had a new version of this board game he liked. okay so i was super mad and sitting next to apple and a friend of mine. I told the friend i was super mad because i just wanted to talk things through with him at least but he couldn’t even show up. and apple interjected saying “Hey I know it’s none of my business but do you want some advice?” i was hesitant but eventually agreed after a moment of silence. He was playing a mobile game as he interjected but put it away immediately which was my first sign shit. was. about. to go down. He asked me my intents with him. I said I just want to talk things out with him. and apple looked at me and said “if i was you i would break up with him immediately, He’s got commitment issues and a lot of other issues. he shouldn’t of sent such strong messages too yo-” he paused “whatever i say you can’t tell him i told you” I nodded and confirmed he went on “when he started talking with you he was talking to three other girls....and to be honest you weren’t his number one but you became his number one and to be even more honest i don’t think he ever really stopped talking to them.” “he’s not mature enough for a relationship and he needs to deal with those issues, he’s a total dick and you don’t deserve any of that.” and then he moved out of the subject. But to think you’re someone special and then be betrayed completely is a knife to the heart.  Now if that wasn’t hard enough i’m about to take you into another level of pain. So I made it home without crying and then just completely broke down but the story doesn’t end there no. He texted me unaware of the knowledge I had gathered. It started easy with a how was skating? but soon he started arguing with me saying its clearly one sided and he was the only one working in the relationship putting in effort and I just lost it. Something to add was he told me the reason he didn’t show up was because he needed more time with god and like i’m sorry but i didn’t know tabletop board games was in relation to god.  I wanted to break up with him in person. I didn’t want to be that person that breaks up over text but i couldn’t take it so i told him i couldn’t do this and then he acted like he was the victim. Like i never cared. I honestly am so fed up with him but what hurts worse is i miss him even though he has prolly has been cheating on me for 3 and 1/2 months and I've been soo overwhelmingly foolish. 

I feel so stupid that i didn’t realize what was going on. I’ve had a really hard past 4 months. Before we started working my mom fell over and fractured her arm and my father got injured at work pulling a leg muscle. That meant everything was on me and He knew that but He clearly didn’t care enough to even attempt to hear me out and let me explain what it’s been like to have an hour a day where you aren’t attending to everyone else or working. that hour is the time i use to shower because of how crazy it is trying to keep a house clean and two injured people sitting and resting, which btw my mom fell out of bed and pulled a few muscles in her arm as well as gaining 4 or 5 new fractures sending her recovery time into the 2020 holiday season. So anyway sorry this was so damn long but I just needed to get it out pardon my grammar and spelling mistakes.

side note for a few weeks I’ve been steadily gaining 0.1 pounds and its small but i wanna fucking die...my parents are leaving for 3 days on Friday so i’m gonna fast through it and have a good time with a book i just bought and some video games and work on myself a bit because I can’t continue on being at this level of depression. Hoping everyone’s Monday was a lot better than mine but I’m honestly really grateful that apple told me what was happening even if it could’ve messed up a few of his friendships.

[gimmetheheadcanons]

don’t sit down, he’s moved your chair (1/3)

A/N: First Bonkai and barely edited so be gentle. Inspired by a funny post I saw on tumblr about purposefully hiring a nightmare Thanksgiving guest.

----------------------------- 

Break a mirror//Roll the dice//Run with scissors through a chip and fryer fight//Go into business with a grizzly bear//But just don’t sit down ‘cause I’ve moved your chair. ----Arctic Monkeys//Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair 

---------------------------

1.     The Deal. 

“You won't believe what bomb my grams decided to drop on me three frickin’ days before Thanksgiving Elena!”

“Was it - now my child, you are getting too old to sit on my lap.”

The voice Bonnie Bennett found on the other side was unsympathetic and unmistakably male. She had been lazily pushing her shopping cart through the narrow aisles of a busy grocery store when Mr. Not-Elena’s surprise impersonation of her grandmother brought her to a sudden halt. Cue the chorus of irritated tongue clicks, a barrage of choice curses (all very colorful) and echoing groans from the shoppers behind her.

Bonnie ignored them all. 

Yeah yeah, we hear you, she thought as a train of angry customers and their carts passed her by, but only after an exchange of death glares as a final parting gift. No one wanted to be here running last minute Turkey Day errands. Least of all Bonnie. But she’d been bulldozed by her grandma and in no mood to be so agreeable again.

What a sham of a holiday. 

When she was done redirecting traffic with her free hand, Bonnie turned to the man on the other line – the one inexplicably answering her best friend’s cell. Feeling even less festive than she did a moment ago she made her demand for answers.    

“Who is this?” She snapped.

The stranger simply chuckled in return.

“I mean it pal.”

 “Pal?”

 Another mocking laugh.

 “They're your minutes.” The stranger declared before lowering his tone to be more sultry. Another borrowed voice, this time a phone sex line operator with the intention to seduce Bonnie.

 “Who'd you want me to be?”  

 Of course. The theatrics should’ve given it away, but then again ‘obvious’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘less infuriating’.

 Bonnie rolled her eyes as she figured out which idiot it was she was dealing with.

 “Oh God. Damon.”

 “Ding ding, well done.”

 Who else would take such delight in rubbing salt into her wound.

 “Aren't you too dumped to be answering your ex's phone like this?”

 “Eh we're trying the whole friend thing.” Damon Salvatore finally responded and in his own voice, flippant and full of trouble.

 Bonnie shook her head as she always did when confronted by Damon and Elena’s drama.

“And?” She asked but stopping short of adding the intended (and wholly judgemental) final part of that sentence: What else is new.

“It sucks. Massively.” Damon whined, and it was Bonnie’s turn to chuckle at his misery.

 It took her a while to warm to the man her childhood friend made the monumental mistake of getting romantically involved with. But Bonnie finally did and now cared enough to make a mental note to schedule another intervention for him once the holidays were over.

 The break up couldn’t have come soon enough and Damon just needed to hear that.  

 Still, it must’ve hurt like hell.

 “Tell me about it.” Bonnie said with a little more kindness. She too was recovering from the end of a rough relationship. There was somewhat of an odd camaraderie developing between her and Damon Salvatore and perhaps that was the reason for it – bonding over the shared humiliation of being jilted by a Gilbert.

 Except Bonnie was sure she’d gotten the short end of the stick. Her Gilbert, sweet baby brother Jeremy Gilbert, turned out to be a cheat. Damon, on the other hand, was far more culpable than Bonnie when it came to his heartbreak.  

  “You should hang up. Before she sees you.”

“Sees me doing what? What’s a little chinwag between pals?”

 With no longer a mystery to distract her, Bonnie resumed her shopping. Departing from her grandmother’s grocery list, she almost swept clean an entire shelf of sugary snacks.

Straight into the cart you all go.

 Necessary reinforcements, something to get her through the misery of the next few days.

 “Honestly you’re acting a little paranoid Bon Bon. What’s wrong?” Damon said, further insisting his innocence with an artificial sweetness that even Bonnie, with all her cravings, found a little too sickly.

 “So, we're just gonna pretend you weren't snooping around in her mail box? See who Elena's texting now you're supposedly done done.”

 “Ha! Trick question. She isn't texting anyone...not anymore anyway.”

 “Damon! You ca-”

“One second, got a quick text I need to send.”

 Cut off mid-speech Bonnie could still hear Damon in the background reading aloud the messages he typed out on his ill-gotten device. She’d been forcibly made party to this unethical intrusion into Elena Gilbert’s personal life.

 Great. More relationship awkwardness on the horizon.

  “New phone who dis…question mark. Send. Block. New phone who dis…question mark. Send. Block.”

 Growing impatient with his behavior, Bonnie tried to get Damon’s attention by calling out his name and a couple important facts about boundaries – all of which his disturbing ass chose to ignore.

 “Aaand send. Aaand block. Okay done now.”

 Damon was back.

 “Damon what di – ”

 “Hey, call me back on mine?”

 And just as suddenly, Damon was gone.

 -----------   Bonnie had been shopping for about fifteen minutes when phone rang. It had been a strangely peaceful fifteen minutes, the chaos all around the store provided the perfect backdrop for some pensive sulking. Deep in thought yet frustratingly unable to formulate a plan to get out of Thanksgiving dinner this year, moping was all Bonnie had and she was prepared not to have it interrupted by Damon Salvatore.

 Pressing to reject had bought another fifteen minutes of peace and Bonnie accomplished plenty with that time. Groceries had been paid for, then bagged, and placed in her Prius. She still no plan but the self-pity had begun to wane enough for her to want to pick up should the phone ring again.

 It did, whilst she was on route to return her now empty cart, and this time she answered.

 “Damon?”

Silence on the other end.

Bonnie cursed the pettiness of the man she could clearly hear breathing.

 “Damn it Damon. Hello?”

 When Damon eventually answered, Bonnie had her finger on the end call button and her car keys in her hand. The sun hadn’t set yet, but the temperature dropped significantly since she’d first gotten to the store. She watched as a wave of new arrivals fought over parking spaces, the escalating drama made it impossible for other drivers to leave further exacerbating the situation. By the carts, under a flimsily built shelter, Bonnie hugged her body against the November cold and decided to wait it out.

 “So bombs huh?” Damon asked, he sounded a little out of breath. He was somewhere outside too. Out walking. Bonnie couldn’t help speculating as to why he’d suddenly decided to brave the fierce frost.  

 “Where’s Elena?”

 “Oh I don't know Bonnie!” She could hear him shiver before he spoke and imagined his lips turn a biting shade of blue to match his eyes. Icicles hanging from his black hair and that stupid leather jacket, like something out of a Saturday morning cartoon.  

 “I'm not her babysitter. Didn’t you get the memo – we’re finished.”

 Bonnie scoffed before placing the phone in between her shoulder and ear to free up her freezing hands. She then pushed them into the warm pockets of her long, red winter coat and there felt around for a pair of thick gloves.

  In the end, she was only able to fish out one.

 “Fine,” said Damon, misconstruing Bonnie’s silence as directed at him disapproval. “If I had to guess I’d say…out looking for her phone.”

“Oh my God, move on Damon!”

“This is not normal behaviour!”

 She hadn’t intended on yelling so angrily that her phone nearly dropped to the ground, but Bonnie was furious. She’d just bought those gloves yesterday to match her knitted beanie, how could one be gone already?

  “Oh shush. It's perfectly Ross and Rachel, trust me. We're gonna get back together. Maybe. Probably.”

The battle for parking continued to wage on, as did the icy wind and Bonnie needed better shelter at least until one of those things passed. Defeated, she headed back to the store she’d thought she’d just escaped.

 “You know what Damon, the most disturbing part of that is you're probably right. But I got too much on plate for your drama so good luck to you both I guess.”

 Just inside by the entrance, Bonnie found a nice heating vent to camp next to. She flashed the large security guard at the door an awkward smile and pointed to her cell phone, pretending bad cell coverage was the real culprit behind her return.

 All she got in return was that menacing security guard scowl.

 Anxious to stay indoors, Bonnie found herself turn to the desperate act of pleading with her eyes; a survival tactic she picked up from orphaned pups in a kennel she volunteered at one summer back in high school. Every day there, she tried to adopt them all and every day she was told she couldn’t.

  “Helloooo Bonnieeeee?”

 She could hear Damon singing her name, off-key and right into her ear. Each time a little louder, little more annoying. But Bonnie couldn’t risk breaking eye contact with the guard. Her hazel eyes were beginning to sting, her face ached from the unnatural width of her smile; it growing increasingly more manic and pained.

 No one loitering here. Nothing to see sir, please move on.

 Strange as it was, it somehow worked. An incident came in over the intercom and the guard called to action. Bonnie could stay and not lose a limb to frostbite.  

 Thank God for Thanksgiving tantrums.

 “I’m still here Damon.”

 “Finally! So, what exactly did wily old Sheila do?”

 Crap, she’d almost forgotten it. The problem, still intractable and inching closer.

 “Oh nothing except invite my disaster deadbeat mom for Thanksgivings dinner. Three courses of sweet emotional manipulation followed by forced reconciliation over coffee.”

 “‘Tis the season I guess.”

 “‘Tis not fair is what it is.” Bonnie immediately howled back then felt ashamed closely after.

 Damon sounded a little more serious when he spoke next.

 “So…How many years has it been?”

 She sighed before taken a moment to do the math. Talking about the woman who birthed her then ditched her was always a sore subject for Bonnie.

 “Six and before that seven I think. She just showed up one night, stayed half a day and left before dinner. Pulled the same crappy move the time before that. Except, she brought me a stupid doll I guess.”

 “I was childish enough to think it was awesome.”

 The memory of that cheap doll flooded Bonnie’s insides with bitter rage. What she didn’t tell Damon was how she was pretty certain the doll was something Abby Bennett picked up at a gas station just outside of Mystic Falls. Bonnie figured that out last summer when she, Elena and their friend Caroline Forbes planned to take their college tour road trip. Except, she didn’t make it past Whitmore; somehow, even with all those miles between them, Abby managed to ruin that for her daughter too.

“Ouch. Sounds like mommy Bennett is gunning for the illustrious Lilly Salvatore Award for Monstrous Mothers and Their Tortured Offspring.

 “Ouch.” Bonnie said, meaning it. Damon didn’t often talk about his parents but oddly enough when he did it wasn’t with Elena. It was something Bonnie remembered her best friend call attention to night after night during the build up to the end of their doomed romance.

 He won’t let me in Bon. Each time, he either laughs or lashes out. How am I supposed to deal with that?

 As her friend poured out her heart, Bonnie poured herself another drink and kindly pretended she didn’t understand the appeal of shutting down, of keeping your loved ones out and precious sunny moments away from dark storm clouds of your past.

 “I don’t want to see her Damon.”

“So don't go. Problem solved.”

 “But I promised Grams. I didn’t mean to, but she worked her magic and somehow got to me.”

 “Then go and bail after you’ve had a mouthful of tasty bird.” Damon said making it sound all so easy.

 “But bailing isn't my thing. So…other options? Please.”

 “Fine, stay. All the way till pie, have said pie and chew slow. Very slow.”

 She was losing his sympathy, Bonnie could tell. Life was always easy for the Damon Salvatores of the world, consequences be damned. The only options were their way or their way but a little bumpier, littered with the bodies he had to mercilessly mow down.

 “I can’t stay either.” Bonnie admitted. Just the thought made her queasy. Being sat opposite Abby for an entire day, being made to bite her tongue or make empty conversation about God knows what. Swallow all that hurt then let it fester inside her for another six or seven years until it bubbled up to the surface at the most inconvenient of times.  

 No, Bonnie wouldn’t be able to stomach it.

 “Then we’re back to option a) Don't frickin’ go.”

 “But Grams -”

 “Well then that sounds like a you problem Bon. I gave you all your choices. Now pick one or call a friend.”

 “I thought I was calling a frie – hello? Damon? Hello?”

 A cold dial tone emitted from her cell. Damon’s voice was long gone, and Bonnie was left standing with one less thing to be thankful for on this crappy holiday – her so called friends.

 “Jerk. What did I even expect?” Bonnie found herself muttering, at first angrily and then louder.

 “Not meaningful advice. Oh no! Never from you Damon, you bloodsucking cold-eyed asshole!”

 With her call completed, her nemesis the store security guard reappeared ready to add to Bonnie’s misery and kick her outside to either face the mayhem or mace-like wind.

 “Ma’am, you’re not buying so I want you out of here.”

 “I’m going! Jeez, just give me a second.”

 “Sure, you were.” He snorted as he grabbed Bonnie by her arm and without warning began to steer her towards the exit. When she resisted the niceties were dropped.  

 “Out. Now.”

 Bonnie was about to give the unreasonable man a piece of her mind and teach him a thing or two about personal space when another person got there first.

 An onlooker, male, maybe college-aged and casually munching on a bag of what looked like pork rinds.

 “Hey man,” He called out to the security guard, his voice light and non-confrontational. “You wanna back off a little? Really wouldn’t wanna lose a hand.”

 The guard stopped long enough for Bonnie to free herself from his grip. He watched the guy with wary eyes as if trying to discern if an actual threat was being made. Bonnie understood the hesitation, there was something off about the way the words were delivered and yet on the surface Pork Rind Guy seemed only interested in consuming his gross snack. The relaxed grin he wore on his face, akin to that of an entertained moviegoer not a someone roaring for a throw down with a much larger man.

 Every so often, in between bites, he’d attempt to throw a piece in the air and catch it with his mouth but be left smacking his lips at air like a fish; each portion bouncing right off the short brown hairs on his head and onto the floor. There, he’d kick at them with the grim looking muddy sneakers he wore on his feet.

 He was a child, a man yes, but barely.

 A nuisance.

Bonnie could tell the guard decided the same thing and was ready to dismiss the interfering stranger as such when Pork Rind Guy opened his mouth to speak again.

 “Yeah…especially that one.” He said pointing at the guard’s left hand. “With it being so close to the holidays you’re gonna wanna keep the company.”

 Bonnie’s eyes widened.

 With a twinkle in his blue eyes and no regrets, Pork Rind Guy made a lewd gesture with his own left hand and laughed.

 It was a great laugh. Free and big. The kind of laugh you’d hear as you passed a playground. Yet, Bonnie felt embarrassed by it and everything else about him. The gesture included. It was immature, meant to grate on you and it made her cringe a little.

 The gesture had a different impact on the guard. His face flushed red with anger and Bonnie knew it was time to throw in the towel and just go.

 As she used the distraction to quietly slip away, she could hear the burly security guard bark at the younger man and Pork Rind Guy’s response made her smile a little.

 “You need to get out of my face son.”

“Could you like – not wave that so close to my face?”

 “Get out of here! Right now!”

 Bonnie glanced back just in time to see Pork Rind Guy throw her a wink. It came right after he’d finally succeeded in catching a pork rind with his mouth.

 How childish, Bonnie thought, shaking her head but this time smiling a lot.

 ----------------

 By the time Bonnie got close to her car, the traffic situation had died down considerably and she didn’t expect to be held up much longer; and yet, in typical Thanksgiving fashion, she’d been too hasty in giving thanks.

 “Hey.”

 Pork Rind Guy, materializing out of nowhere and coming in between her and her car.

 Startled, Bonnie frowned and looked around to see if they’d be joined by their old friend the security guard, finally able to do his job and provide said security.

 The question is, however, would she be needing it.

 Pork Rind Guy seemed oblivious to Bonnie’s alarm. His right arm reached deep into the jumbo bag of rinds he still cradled and not her throat like the parking lot assailant Bonnie worried he might be.

 If this encounter were going to turn into an NBC Dateline special then it’d have to wait whilst he hunted for crumbs.  

 When done, Pork Rind Guy cast aside the empty packet and finally addressed the perplexed person he’d delayed.

 “So I just wanted to tell you – before you go – there is always one other option. Bring a date. A human buffer.”

 It took Bonnie a full minute to gather her wits enough to follow what Pork Rind Guy was trying to tell her. She still didn’t understand how he managed to get away from the guard and out to the parking lot in time to catch her, why he did so and if he was a danger.

 Keys readied in her fist, Bonnie asked for an explanation.

 “Excuse me?”

 Pork Rind Guy smiled and again it was full of boyish charm.  

 “Someone to draw fire and guess what? I got the perfect shirt for that!”

 He puffed out his chest and pulled at the bottom of his t-shirt to straighten it out.

 “See?”

What Bonnie saw was a logo, right in the middle and against the blueish gray of the rest of his shirt. It was red and round, like a bullseye but probably belonged to a band she’d never heard of.  

 “Draw fire at dinner.” He repeated, and this time Bonnie understood.

 Pork Rind Guy was referring to her earlier conversation with Damon about Thanksgiving dinner with her mom.

 Bonnie felt a chill and it had nothing to do with the weather. Had their run in earlier been planned and if so why? She examined the parking lot for others and was relieved to find they weren’t alone. Several shoppers still close enough to call on if things got unsafe.

 Nothing about this guy felt right and Bonnie had heard enough. She snuck quick glance at the car sat behind him, her ticket out of this progressively creepy conversation. Good, Pork Rind Guy didn’t seem to be blocking the door. In fact, there was plenty of space behind him where Bonnie could pass him by and then get the hell out of there.  

 “Uhm thanks but I gotta go.”

 “Hey hey hey! Wait a minute.”

 In one quick motion, Pork Rind Guy positioned him directly against Bonnie’s door and successfully cut her off from her escape route.

 Bonnie braced herself for worse to follow, but was surprised to see him then, just as smoothly, step aside. Nothing about this guy felt right, Bonnie knew that and yet she didn’t get in her car and drive away.

 “What do you want?”

 His lips curled into a satisfied smile when she turned to face him.

 They were now stood a little too close for comfort. Bonnie could feel the hot air of his breath on her lips, see the goose bumps on the pale skin of his exposed neck and decided that’s where the sharp end of her keys would go if he took one more step towards her.

 But Pork Grind Guy didn’t. In fact, he fell back, held up his hands and apologized.

 “I'm sorry. That was weird right? Kinda? A little?”

 Bonnie didn’t respond, just watched him with narrowed eyes as he took it upon himself to tally up all the reasons why everything he’d done up until now was inappropriate.

 “No it's alright to admit it...that was weird. With me just showing up at your car like that.  Outta nowhere with all this information about a conversation we personally didn’t have. I know, I know. I’m an eavesdropper. I admit.”

 Another smile, brief and full of humor.

 “And then that proposition? Yikes! What even was that? No, no, no. No good. at all!”

 Bonnie relaxed a little but not enough to put away her car keys and retire her plans to go for the jugular.  

“Let's try again. Hi, my name is Kai. Well it’s actually Malachai but since I'm trying not to frighten you away with a name straight out of Necronomicon I think Kai will do just fine.”

 “By the way, have you seen that film? God, Bruce Campbell. What a guy right?”

 “Sorry, rude again. What's your name?”

  “Bonnie and I gotta head home now.”

 “I’m expected.” She quickly added, angrily wondering why she told him her real name. Was it because earlier, he was essentially asking for her home address and this was the lesser of two evils?

 Either way, she wouldn’t slip up again.

 “I need go home now Kai. It’s cold and I’m very tired.”

 Pork Rind Guy – no – Kai dropped his jaw when she said his name. It was exaggerated for effect, but she could see he was somehow flattered by the show of trust when she told him hers.

 “Bonnie.”

 He celebrated by repeating her name back to her, saying every letter with great purpose and pleasure.  

 “Nice to meet you Bonnie.”

 “Well Bonnie, it sounds to me like you were having a rough day. Got a bit of a situation at the home front huh?”

 “I wanna help with that.”

 Bonnie blinked as confusion set in once again.

“Excuse me.”

 “For the reasonable price of one home cooked Thanksgiving dinner. I, Kai Parker, will be your date.”

 “Eh yeah…No thanks.”  

 Bonnie felt a little relieved but also self-conscious, was Damon right, was this perfectly normal and she just not to used to guys hitting on her?

 “Oh no, you got it all wrong. I'll be your date. The one all girls sooner or later bring home to screw with their parents. I'll be the mistake.”

 Kai continued to explain, and Bonnie again found herself not walking away when she easily could have.

 “I've been told, on many occasions, that I'm every parent’s nightmare. Imagine, Grams drops a bomb and you Bonnie, drop a nuke.”

 Every parent’s nightmare, why did Bonnie have no trouble believing that. Kai was cute but on balance also a major creep with awful taste so no, of course most girls would have no interest in inviting him home to meet their families. End of November and he’s dressed like a stoner extra in a bad nineties high school movie. Faded t-shirt and long sleeves combo, three-quarter cargo pants and sneakers.

 In this weather.

 Who does that?

 Valid question Bon.

 “And why would I invite a perfect stranger into my home?” She asked him, for the first time saying more than four words. He must’ve noticed too, how her curiosity got the better of her because his face lit up like a Christmas tree. It was too soon for that crap, Bonnie thought, gripping her keys a little tighter.

 “Because that's the beauty of it! After Thanksgiving, I go back to being a perfect stranger. Who else can say that?”

 “No baggage.”

“No offense” Bonnie said flatly and with all the offense. “But that sounds like BS.”

 Kai appeared unfazed by her bluntness. As usual, the lack of warmth in her voice made him work only harder.    

 “If you ask me - which I know you're not but hear me out anyway – if you were asking me… what sounds like bullshit is having to spend Thanksgiving with a woman who gets to choose to walk in and out of your life at a moment's notice.”

“You should be able to the same Bonnie.”

 “That's what I think.”

 Bonnie inhaled deeply, thrown by the sudden sincerity with which he delivered that final line. She let a calculated stillness wash over her as she dealt with the sweltering emotion under the surface. She’d been affected by Kai’s words, the notion behind them appealing not to her but directly to the pain her small body had housed for all the years.

 “Pork rind?”

 Out of one of his pocket, Kai spontaneously produced a handful of the snack Bonnie saw him finish then offered it to her.  

 Bonnie’s eyes zeroed in on the lint particulars stuck to the grease of the rinds and declined.

 “I can see why you're so eager to worm your way to our dinner table.”

 Kai shrugged and stuffed the rinds back into his pocket. Eyes fixed firmly on hers, Bonnie knew there was another offer he was eager to see if she would accept.

 If not rinds Bonnie, how about retaliation?

  “What about your family? Won't they be expecting you?” She asked changing the subject.

 “Not if they changed the locks as they promised they would.”

 Again, Kai surprised her with his openness.  

 “Harsh.” Bonnie said yet not feeling the need to press Kai for any further details. In all her anger, she’d forgotten there were people out there who simply didn’t have families to spend Thanksgiving Day with.

 “Not everyone takes to my winning personality as you have.” Kai replied appearing to have sufficiently recovered from the solemnness of the moment.

Bonnie laughed and saw Kai’s entire face beam as if the sound of her laugh had been his goal all along.

 “Hold your horses buddy. I haven’t agreed to anything just yet.”  

“Sorry manners.” Kai said before he began to obsessively kick at the gravel and the dirt under his feet.

 “What is it now Kai? Dropped a pork rind?”

 Satisfied he’d made enough of a clearing, Kai Parker got down on one knee and held up a single pork rind in between his fingers like an engagement ring.

 Mortified, Bonnie’s face flushed at the sudden interest passing shoppers were beginning to show and the several prying looks being thrown their way.

  Kai cleared his throat.  

  “Bonnie, will you let me spend Thanksgiving Day with you and your family? I promise to be on my worst behaviour. Promise to shake your poor unsuspecting mother to core and show her the dangerous road her awful parenting choices may have led her beautiful baby girl.”

 A nod from her was enough of a signal for Kai to jump up to his feet and throw the absurd edible ring Bonnie refused over his shoulder; freeing up his hand for a more formal shake.  

 “Oh my bad.” He said only remembering to wipe the food grease from his palm and onto his pant leg after noticing the look of disgust on Bonnie’s face.

 That look didn’t change much when finally, clean enough to be once more presented to her, Kai simply held his hand up to his face and grinned.

 “Gotta make it legit right?” He told her before spitting straight onto his skin.

 “No backsies.”

One look at the wet hand in front her and Bonnie knew her instincts were right.

 Kai Parker was the worst.

 Yet any hesitation she may have grappled with since meeting him was gone at the mere prospect of her mother coming to a similar conclusion and doing so over a plate full of turkey at Grams’s house. With a grin of her own and a generous amount of spit, Bonnie Bennett shook on the deal; feeling for the first time all day, especially thankful for the perfectly awful Thanksgiving dinner to come.

[eottoghe]

Little Boxes - Two

A Jeonghceol Domestic AU where they live in suburbia with their six year old son Chan. Jeonghan is an active member of the PTA, a soccer dad and chauffeur, and a supportive parent all around. His loving husband cares deeply for his passions and will follow him to the end of the world if it keeps him and his family happy. Follow their journey as they get caught up and fun and zany adventures when they go outside of the guide lines of your average neighbor. Don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I want to see how many different domestic prompts I can get out of this AU before I run out of steam

First Chapter

“You will not believe the day I had.” Jeonghan seethes. He is pacing a hole into their plush, crème carpet and Seungcheol doesn’t have the nerve to stop him. So, he lets him vent. “I don’t get it. Why come to a volunteer event if you don’t do any of the volunteering? Like all you’re doing is getting in the way, right?”

“Right.”

“You know how hard I worked today?”

“Very hard, Han.”

“Yes. Very hard. I guess ‘cause I’m one of the only dads there, they give me all the hard jobs. But half of them literally sit around and do absolutely nothing.” Jeonghan rolls his eyes, still tracking back and forth. He is livid. He’d been holding in his frustration all day because he had no one else to rant to. He can’t complain in front of the kids because half of them are the source of the complaint….. it’s usually about one of their parents…. they can spread gossip like wildfire. And now, Chan is asleep after his bubble bath and his husband is home and God, he just needs to rant. “I brought and set up all the tables for the displays. I hauled those heavy, tacky barrels in. And there were like 50 chairs I had to lug back and forth for the PTA members. And would you know Janice’s lazy ass didn’t offer to help once? She sat there and bossed me around!”

“I’m so sorry babe.” Seungcheol had been lost after ‘you will not believe the day I had’, but he’s good at blindly responding, he thinks.

“I’m just so frustrated. It’s like she’s gotta vendetta against me! Or a big stick up her ass. She’s bossy just like that snooty brat of hers.”

“Mrs. Janice?” Chan walks up like a ghost from the Shining effectively making Jeonghan’s blood run cold and skin turn pale. Did he hear that?

“Chan, baby. What are you doing up?” Jeonghan held out his arms and scooped up the younger. His anger is quickly replaced with concern.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Chan yawns, rubbing his eyes with his chubby balled up fist. His cotton dinosaur pajamas are slowly growing too tight, but they’re his favorite so he squeezes in them anyway. “Why are you fus-traded?” Chan, never the one to let anything go looks up to Jeonghan with his droopy eyes. The tired frown on his face accents his youth. Oh, the innocence.

Jeonghan shot panicked eyes at Seungcheol and his husband shrugged in response. You’ll have to fight this battle on your own.

“No Chan-ah! Why would I be?” Jeonghan feigns ignorance. His inquisitive, observant little minion knows him better.

“You just said so. You said Mrs. Janice was being mean to you… What did she do?”

Seungcheol can’t hide his snicker at Jeonghan’s shocked expression.

“No baby! You must have misunderstood. She didn’t do anything.” He says sweetly then tersely tacks on "Not a damn thing." Seungcheol calls out his name warningly and he replies with raising both his eyebrows with a shrug. Chan doesn’t even notice he used a potty word because he’s still so sleepy.

“Mis-unstood?” Chan yawns and furrows his eyebrows.

“Yes. Me and her are good friends.” Jeonghan tries fails to reason with his kid, but he’s not dumb. The grimace probably gives him away. Chan gets his wit from him so he knows very well that he’s been caught red handed.

“If she’s your friend she won’t be mean to you.” He’s still looking up at Jeonghan with those sleepy eyes and pouty mouth and he gives up.

“You are right, baby. Anyone who is mean to you is not a friend.” He gives a big wet kiss to his forehead and pretends not to be hurt when Chan wipes it off. “We gotta get you to bed. Give Daddy a kiss and say goodnight.” He leans down enough to let Chan give Seungcheol a kiss and for Seungcheol to return one. He pretends not to be even more hurt when he doesn’t wipe Seungcheol’s kiss off like he did his own.

“Did you wanna give Daddy a kiss too?” Seungcheol bats his eyes with a goofy grin plastered on his face and puckers his lips toward his husband. Jeonghan wants to punch him for the innuendo, but plays along.

“Later.” Jeonghan turns quickly and starts walking Chan back to his room. He turns and gives his husband a quick wink and disappears into his kid’s room to tuck him back in.

  As soon as Chan is out of sight and Jeonghan is back within arm’s reach, Seungcheol gathers him in his arms and pulls him down to sit with him on the couch. His husband has always fit comfortably on his lap. He nuzzles his head into his shoulder, tightening his arms. Jeonghan sighs in his hold. They just spend a couple minutes in silence because they don’t get that too often.

“Does Daddy still get his kiss?” Seungcheol tilts his face up to look at his husband. Puppy eyes didn’t work on him, but the promise of Seungcheol’s soft lips against his own works like a charm. As if he can’t resist, Jeonghan leans down and their lips lock like so many times before. Even after five years of being together, each kiss is as electrifying. Jeonghan shifts a little bit more of his weight onto Seungcheol (not caring if he’s heavy) and buries his head back into the crook of his neck.

“I don’t know why I put up with them.” Jeonghan is much quieter this time. The fire within him simmers down until all that’s left is the ashes of his despair. He was always known as the dramatic one in his small group of friends, but he really thinks his anger is justified this time.

“Because you love the school. And you love your son.” Seungcheol brings a soothing hand to his back, stroking it.

“I guess you’re right.” Jeonghan concedes, but it seems like his gears shift. “You know… it wouldn’t be as hard on me if more dads did sign up for volunteer days.” He perks up in his lap and stares down at his husband. “I mean, you do have some free time on the weekends and we could use the help.”

Oh no. Here it comes.

“I don’t know, Han…”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

And there it is.

Jeonghan is off of his lap in an instant, pushing back his auburn hair and unconsciously glaring at his husband. He sits on the couch, pivoted towards him, but Seungcheol can’t find the strength to face him head on.

“I wouldn’t know the first thing about what you guys do and I wouldn’t want to mess up everything.” Seungcheol tries to reason.

“No, we can use all the help we can get. Especially with Janice’s lazy ass never helping. Between Joshua and I, we’re the only men on the team.”

“Wait, what?” This gets Seungcheol’s attention. “Joshua? That’s your friend from high school, right?” 

“Yeah, I only know one Joshua, Seungcheol.” He rolls his eyes in that dramatic way he always does.

“Oh… So is he taking the place of his wife or do they volunteer together?

“Wife? I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have one considering he’s gay.” Jeonghan is beyond confused now. Does he really not talk about Shua enough for him to not know this simple fact?

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Joshua is gay? For how long?” Seungcheol doesn’t think he’s the jealous type. After all, Joshua is just his friend. That he hangs out with almost every day with the PTA. That is also gay. No, he doesn’t get jealous easily at all.

“Umm… What the fuck Seungcheol? Since like… forever? He didn’t wake up yesterday like ‘Oh, I’m gay now.’ Why does it even matter?” But to Seungcheol it matters. He has faith in his husband. He trusts him. But that Joshua guy? Who knows what he’s been up to?

"So he's got a boyfriend or something?" Seungcheol tries to act all nonchalant, like he isn’t that interested in the answer, when in reality, a cold sweat breaks out on his brow and he’s hoping with every last strand of his sanity that Jeonghan will say yes. Yes, he has a boyfriend. And no, he is not looking for one with high cheekbones, a dazzling smile, and the stamina of an actual sloth.

“He’s a single dad. Is that a problem? You know, you’d probably know some of these things if you ever came to one of the—”

“When’s the next event?” Seungcheol’s statement catches him of guard. He’d been pushing the idea for Seungcheol to join the PTA or at least volunteer for one of the events for at least 6 months when he felt slightly out of place at the lack of testosterone in the meetings.

“What?” Jeonghan looks at him dumbly.

“The next one. When is it?” Seungcheol repeats. He’s serious and that look has never looked sexier.

“Next Saturday.” Jeonghan sorts through the calendar in his head. “We’re having a bake s—”

“Will he be there?” Seungcheol cuts him off. Again.

“He who? Shua? Of course! He’s always there. Why are you so interested in him now?”

“I’m not. You just said I should be more involved in my child's life so that's what I'll do. I'll come this Saturday.”

Jeonghan is over the moon in .2 seconds. Janice and her bitchiness, BooSeokSoon and their screechiness, stupid suburbia and it’s “Happiest place on Earth” sign all melt away when Seungcheol finally caves. He finally gets Seungcheol to at least try to participate and knows his work load will be significantly less with him there. He doesn’t know what did it, what changed his mind, but he’s glad it did.

“Cheollie!” He elongates the “ee” at the end, aegyo at it’s best. “Thank you so much! I love you, ya know?” He replaces himself on his lap, facing him with his legs straddling his thighs. He cups his face with his hands and lands a wet kiss on his cheek. He peppers kisses all over his face because really, he’s so happy. All the moms and their judgmental stares will have nothing against this power couple. They’ll never stand a chance against the infamous Jeongcheol.

“Time for bed.” Seungcheol’s husky voice makes his stomach erupt in butterflies. He wraps his hands firmly under his husband’s thighs, holding him tight to himself. In one swift motion, Seungcheol stands, shocking Jeonghan by lifting him a few feet higher off the ground. Seungcheol connects their lips in a less than holy kiss and Jeonghan is afraid he’s somehow awoken a beast.

Seungcheol just wants to give his husband a friendly reminder of what he can offer that that Joshua guy can’t.

Ahhh! The bake sale is up next.

Next Chapter

[theimaginesyouneveraskedfor]

Relic ~ 23

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen Part Seventeen Part Eighteen Part Nineteen Part Twenty Part Twenty-One Part Twenty-Two

Tags: @omgcupquak3stuff​ @dora3374 @the-butterfly21​ @oakenshieldgisborneandwinchester @everyjourneylove​  @russian-empress​ @cd1242 @the-lupine-sojourner @ara-toa-min @teenageclarisse​ @ghostqueenofeverything​ @cutie-bug​  @monachopsistime

(sorry to those who I can’t tag for some reason. If you like, you can message me and I’ll just start sending you the link to the chapters as they come out)

Add yourself to the taglist here

You had excused yourself after breakfast. So enthralled by your unending thoughts that you couldn’t sit and drink another ounce of coffee. That morning had been tense; quiet. 

Bucky had resumed the frustration which had overcome after his conversation with Steve the day before. He had barely said anything as you ate and you needed to escape suffocating silence Steve would be back that day and you were due to leave. The realization had set a weight in your chest and you had spent most of the night awake.

You wanted to explore before you said goodbye. You hadn’t done more than chase after the goats during your stay in Wakanda and you would hate to return home without basking in the splendour of the land.

You had set off outside the fence, walking towards the cluster of trees at the edge of the farmland. The trunks were thick and crowded. The leaves a cluster of greens; jade, emerald, and viridian. You could hear the symphony of animals within; the song of birds, the chatter of critters, and the rustle of those predators hidden in the shadows.

You mindlessly followed the path overgrown with roots and fallen vines. You took in every inch of jungle, having left your phone behind for the sake of the moment. You didn’t want pictures, you wanted to remember it. You leaned against a tree, crossing your arms with a heavy sigh.

You thought of returning home. Of going back the life you had left behind. There hadn’t been much of one and all desire to return to the museum had dwindled away. You were tired of being the mousy curator; the bookish nerd. 

In the last week, you had met so many who had spent their lives being brave and all despite their fears. At times, against their will. You had lived less of a life than even Oscar. Here, you were detached from civilization but you didn’t feel so lost.

You didn’t want to continue on in recounting the span of history which you would never be a part of. Was it not human instinct to want to change the turning of the earth? To leave your footprint in the sands of time? All you had done was hide behind books.

But you had to go. You weren’t like Bucky or Steve; you weren’t strong. Nor were you like T’Challa or Shuri; chosen to lead. You were the one who told their stories; who futilely dreamed of being like them. You would go home, sit at your desk, and once more become the scribe.

Who had ever said the pen was mightier than the sword?

You knew you could not brood in the forest all day. Even though you had spent your night packing, you still had much to do. You had to say goodbye to Bucky but how? The week had gone so quickly and it felt as if you were being torn apart.

You reached into your pocket and pulled out the letter he had written you when he had only been James.

‘To you I owe my life; what I have left of it anyways.’

It felt now as if you were beholden to him. You lacked purpose after you had left the museum and he had returned it to you. Even if it was only minding goats and digging in the dirt, it had awoken you from the obscurity which had come before. To go back only meant to lose all you had gained. You didn’t want to start over again. Not so soon.

You folded up the letter and pushed yourself from the tree. You dragged your feet back the way you had come, trying to hide the melancholy which had come over you. You wanted to leave Bucky with a smile, not tears. He had enough grief in his life.

As you reached the farm, you saw two vehicles waiting outside the house. You had been gone longer than you planned. You kicked the dirt off your boots at the foot of the door and entered without fanfare. T’Challa and Steve sat on the couch talking, Shuri in the chair enthralled in her phone. Bucky was nowhere to be seen.

“Uh, hey,” You greeted awkwardly, “Where’s Bucky?”

“He yelled at a goat and stormed out,” T’Challa shrugged.

“He’s probably fighting it right now,” Shuri chuckled, tucking her phone away as she stood, “More importantly, where have you been?”

“I went for a walk,” You answered flatly, “I figured it was my last chance before I go.”

“Well, thank Wakanda you’re back,” Shuri said, “The broken white boy is in quite a mood today. I thought he had chased you away.”

“No, not exactly.”

“He’s mad at me,” Steve chimed in, “He has been since we talked yesterday... Sometimes, you can’t tell him what’s good for him.”

“Oh,” It explained the night before, though you wondered what exactly had set Bucky off.

“In Wakanda, we say what we mean,” T’Challa added, “Not like you. Too stubborn to say what’s in your heart.”

“Okay?” You were slightly confused but didn’t have much patience for any of it. You hated when you were suppose to leave; you grew impatient even when you didn’t want to go.

“Goddamn, Oscar!” The screen door slammed and Bucky entered from the kitchen, “Do Wakandans eat goat because I have one I’d happily send to slaughter.”

His knees and shirt were grass-stained and mud streaked his clothing. His hair was messy with sweat and he looked ready to fight someone. You had never seen him so riled and Steve stood, approaching his old friend.

“Buck, calm down,” He seemed afraid, as if he would have to fight his old friend, “It’s just a goat.”

“Ugh, would you stop telling me what to do?” He shoved Steve, “I’m tired of being treated like a child.”

“Look, you don’t have to take my advice, you seem just fine doing your own thing but don’t take your cowardice out on me,” Steve returned, “I don’t think you want to have this argument here.”

Bucky frowned as he glanced over Steve’s shoulder, blanching as he caught sight of you. A slight flush came to his cheeks and he attempted a weak smile.

“You make your own decisions, Buck,” Steve clapped his shoulder, “And you live with the consequences. You best get used to it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning sharply as he stomped back into the kitchen. Steve followed and it wasn’t long before you heard there voices start to rise again.

“It’s your fault.”

“Buck.”

“No, I told you I wasn’t ready.”

“Please.”

“I can’t. I just can’t.”

“You don’t have to.”

“You don’t understand though…”

“Really, it’s okay, Buck. It’s not forever.”

“Not everything turns out. I’m not you, Steve. Nothing ever turns out for me.”

“This isn’t about me, Buck. You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at yourself and only you can fix this. I’m done arguing and we’re due to leave in the next hour, so you best sort this out.”

Steve reappeared and you had never expected the golden super soldier to look so distraught. He stopped by the door, just beside you, turning to you with restrained irritation, “When you get a chance, I’d like to talk to you.”

He pulled the door open and snapped it shut behind him, leaving the room in a ghastly silence. All were stunned by the spat but none knew what to say. Bucky huffed as he stood the doorway, his anger dissipating as he looked to you, guilt softening his features. T’Challa and Shuri stared at him but averted their eyes before he could glare at them.

His lips parted as his fingers twitched and he swallowed the words he could not find. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, his blue eyes flashing as his jaw tensed. He seemed to resign himself to some grim fate and finally spoke.

“Y/N, would you help me feed the goats?”

“Um, sure,” You were confused. T’Challa and Shuri were now staring at you and you felt as if you were missing some obvious clue.

You followed Bucky into the kitchen and out into the yard. In the barn, the goats were already chewing oats from the trough and you flinched in bewilderment. 

“You already--?”

“Look, Y/N, I...I’m sorry I’ve been an ass today. And yesterday. I’ve just been--” He began to pace, his face contorted as he chose his words carefully, “Seventy-five years ago, I was the smoothest guy on the block but being frozen for the better part of the century has really fucked me up.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine,” He was frustrated, sliding to a halt before you, “It’s not fine because after being brainwashed to not be afraid for so long, I’m terrified of everything. And it makes me act like a complete idiot.”

You watched him calmly, realizing he was trying to understand his thoughts as he spoke them. He needed to vent and you needed to listen. It was your last favour to him before your departure.

“Steve’s right. I should get over myself. You’re leaving today and, if I’m being honest, I don’t want you to leave, but I don’t want you to stay because you feel sorry for me. You’ve done so much already and...well, I’m going to ask, even if the answer is no, I have to.”

He nodded, as if to encourage himself before he continued. He stilled his fidgeting and looked you in the eyes, ignoring the teeth chewing at the hem of his pants as Oscar found his usual timing. 

“I know you have a home waiting for you but would you stay? Just a little longer? A week?”

You cocked your head with surprise. You hadn’t expected that. You had thought of staying, wished for it even, but that was just hopeful thinking. You were silent as you processed the question. 

You thought of your mom and the next tense call you would make to her but the answer was clear. Bucky looked back at you anxiously, his expression grim as if you had already said no.

“Yes,” You said, “Of course.”

“What?” He sounded as shocked as you felt.

“Yeah,” You gave a nervous chuckle, “I haven’t that much to return to and whatever comes next can wait.”

“Oh…” His eyes widened as he thought, his lips trembling between joy and disbelief, “Well, um, thanks.” His brows lowered all too suddenly as he was struck with an epiphany, “Fuck. I gotta apologize to Steve now.”

[quil12]

Let’s all gather round and hear the tale of my horrible roommate

Long post - I really just needed to vent

(Some actual stuff happens in here and it’s not just like “they don’t wash their dishes” - it’s actual stuff that I would be interested in reading if it weren’t happening to me)

It all started about a month ago. My roommate invited a strange man over during a pandemic in order to get super drunk and then sleep with him. She passed out on the floor and left him to wander around the rest of the building drunk. He started yelling and trying to get into random people’s apartments. The police got called and she got a lease violation. 

Not too long after that, she wanted her boyfriend to come and stay in the apartment. To reiterate, we’re in a pandemic right now. Also, he is a 40 year old man and I am 20. I’m not sure how old our other roommate is, but I assume also in her 20’s. Our other roommate and I were not too thrilled about this and we gave the perfectly reasonable request of asking them to get a hotel room. Just to add onto this, our other roommate is not a native English speaker and she was being incredibly rude to her because even though you could understand her, her sentences weren’t “grammatically correct” so she was pretending like she couldn’t understand her requests. Instead of talking it out, she went behind our backs to the leasing office to get permission from them. Kind of a dick move tbh.

Unrelated to that, I asked her to wash the dishes of mine which she had been using because I had given her permission to use them under the stipulation that she wash them after using them. I asked her to actually wash the dishes that she used or else to please stop using mine. This triggered a massive temper tantrum where she was screaming and slamming doors. She also took all my dishes out and put them onto the kitchen counter. 

Because of this and the whole thing with the leasing office, I asked her to please not use my things anymore. I had to repeat this request oh, about 50 times because she couldn’t get it through her thick skull to not use my things. She (and her boyfriend) used my toothbrush holder and I had to throw out my toothbrush and get a new one because the bristles were literally touching mine and I didn’t trust them to not have COVID. She used my shampoo and conditioner and then lied about it (I know because I had enough for several more washes and when I went back, there was only enough for barely 1). She used my swiffer which I have explicitly told her not to use and then left the lid off of the pads (the reason I told her not to use it), and the list could go on for a while. 

During this whole time, she was consistently slamming any door she used and regularly throwing temper tantrums. She would also just leave her dog out in the living room/kitchen totally unattended, something which we aren’t allowed to do under the lease. Not to mention, her dog is extremely untrained and will bark at just about anything. Her dog will also relentlessly chase my cat so her leaving her dog out there meant that my cat couldn’t come out with me which made me uncomfortable and also feeling bad for my cat because going out in the living room is her absolute favorite time. 

I reported this to the leasing office and they asked me to record these things happening. I recorded the door slamming as well as her dog being left unattended in the common areas. She was then given another lease violation. If she were to get one more, she would be evicted. 

Things quieted down for a little while. She finally bought her own pans and dishware - her pans are in very weird and inconvenient spots because she bought too many of them even though she never cooks. And by “inconvenient” I mean like on top of the fridge where you can’t open the freezer without all of them falling on you. She also got an instant pot and decided that it needs to be out at all hours of the day. She put it on the only counter that we have available to cook and I explained that to her because she would get pissed at me for moving it over so that I could have the counter space to cook dinner and also so I wouldn’t get any food on it. I literally get food on it all the time because it’s right where I prepare food, but I guess if she feels like thoroughly cleaning it every time she uses it then I guess she can. It’s also super annoying to not have that space that I need, but whatever, this was a relatively okay time. 

She would still occasionally slam doors and throw minor temper tantrums, but it was miles better than before. Now, let’s fast forward to a few days ago - October 30th.

She had left the apartment a few hours before. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner. As a side note, I was using my george foreman in order to cook a hamburger, so I absolutely needed that extra counter space that her instant pot took up. I moved it over to the other counter and my intention was to move it back after I was done cooking.

I was almost finished when she came into the apartment, very very drunk. She was struggling a lot with the door, but I just let her be because at this point, I have no want to have any sort of interaction with her. She came in stomping. She saw me in the kitchen because I was standing directly in front of the stove, and she decided that she was going to come in and use the microwave. She got way into my personal space, said "excuse me", and without waiting for me to get out of the way, she slammed the microwave right in my face. She then waited right behind my shoulder to wait for her food to finish cooking, effectively trapping me there. She went to the fridge and broke off one of the little pieces on the side of the shelves. They’ve come off before, but she was sitting there trying to fix it. This gave me time finish cooking my dinner, and I started heading to my room.

She then said something to me along the lines of "It was really nice of you to not let me in when I was locked out and you were standing right there." I was very puzzled by this seeing as she was in the apartment, and thus, not locked out. I asked her what she meant, and she again said that she was just locked out and I didn't open the door for her. I think that because she had some sort of issue with the lock, she thought that she was locked out. I assume she had so much trouble with it because of how inebriated she seemed to be. I asked her how she had been locked out when she had a key and was now inside the apartment without any help, but she kept insisting that she had been locked out and I had refused to help her. To reiterate, I was cooking dinner, I heard her struggling slightly with the lock, and then she came in. She struggled for maybe 10 seconds. 

 By this point, I had made it to my room and had closed and locked the door. My cat, Art was hiding away from her underneath the couch, and I didn't feel physically safe enough to go and retrieve her while Ash was blocking the way and screaming and swearing at me. I went out and retrieved her as soon as I felt it was safe enough to do so, but Art was very afraid because of this and I had to pull her out from under the couch. This was very scary for me because I didn't think my cat would be safe out there with her based on how she was acting, but I didn't think she knew she was there because she was under the couch. I was also texting my mom at this point so I could let her know if anything were to happen.

During this time, she was screaming at me to come out into the hallway and face her, screaming at me that I was a coward. I did not feel comfortable nor safe going out there with her and was seriously considering calling the police because she would not leave me alone and was constantly screaming at me. I asked her to leave me alone multiple times, but she just kept screaming at me to come out and face her. I explained to her that I didn't feel comfortable talking to her because she was screaming at me, slamming cabinet doors, and calling me names, but she continued to try and goad me to come out and face her.

She also said something very peculiar in that she has a recording of me calling her "a black asshole". I never said this. I asked her to provide me with this recording of this so that I could see for myself, but she declined. I almost never speak when I'm in my bedroom because I tend to text people instead of calling them. I have spoken to myself to get through homework which I do because I'm an auditory learner and it helps me to solidify my understanding. Other than that, I do not speak in my room except to my cat to which I'll call her a "darling girl" or occasionally tell her to get down off of places I don't want her to be. This is all to say that I did not say this, and even if I did, there would have been no way for her to hear it because I do not speak in my bedroom to anyone other than my cat whom I just coo at.

She was also trying to blame me for her lease violations. She told me that she was going to get me evicted and I told her that she is the one who has 2 lease violations, to which she then said that it was my fault because I reported her. While yes, I did report her, it seems as though it is her fault for exhibiting those behaviors in the first place. I do not control her actions.

 She finally gave up after a while and went to her room. This is when I went out and got my cat, but I very quickly ran back into my room because I still don't feel safe. She came out again shortly after and was yelling in the kitchen about how I hadn't cleaned up after myself cooking dinner. The reason for that is because she was yelling at me and I didn't feel safe enough to do so. She also shoved her instant pot into the space that my george foreman was taking up. Again, I had planned to put it back after I finished cooking, but her screaming at me really just destroyed that plan. There was no space for it to go right there, but she shoved it in anyway just cause I guess. 

Yesterday, she also got extremely drunk and left her dog tied up in front of the grocery store for about 3 hours. Someone else in the building saw her and recognized and brought her up, but she literally just left her dog for 3 hours and didn’t even realize she was missing for about 5. Legitimately a piss poor dog owner. 

 Now, let’s go to this morning, November 2nd. I tried to go to the bathroom. I had just woken up and needed to pee and get ready for the day. She left her room right after me, saw me, and proceeded to chase me to the bathroom, yelling at me the whole time.

 I got to the bathroom and thought that she would just leave me alone, but no. She tried to follow me into the bathroom as I was closing the door. I had to push against her in order to close it and lock it. Luckily, I'm stronger and bigger than her so I was able to do it, but it was still extremely scary.

 She then proceeded to pace outside in the hallway for about 10 minutes. I know because she was carrying her keys and I could hear them jangling as she went back and forth. Finally, she left the apartment and I took that time to run back to my room, lock the door, and move a bookcase in front of it.

During this time, I also got an email from the leasing office saying that they were working with lawyers to try and evict her as soon as possible, so that’s good news. 

 I had to pick up a package from the leasing office, and when I came back she was out doing laundry. I just walked past and went to my room, but as soon as she saw me, she slammed the door to the dryer. After a minute, she walked past my room, yelled the word "coward" at me (she's been doing this quite frequently - yelling at me through my door as she walks past), then went into her room for a minute. She then came back out and stood in front of my door and started whispering "you're a coward, you're a nasty human being" repeatedly. 

 Let me tell you, I have just about called the police on her 3 times in the past few days. I just need the energy out there that the eviction stuff will happen as quickly as humanly possible and I can stop being afraid to go out into the rest of the apartment. 

[kee-writestrashh]

Guns for Hire

Ramsay Bolton x Reader fic

Chapter 16: Bold as Brass

ao3 link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12036195/chapters/28382980

"The fuck are you going?" Ramsay asked coldly behind you.

You looked at him through the mirror, setting your lip stick down.

"Lunch with Liz. It's Friday." you said with a shrug, avoiding his gaze.

"Lunch with Liz." He said mockingly, rolling his eyes. "What did I tell you?"

"Okay." You said, closing your eyes briefly and taking a deep breath, "Look, she's my friend." (He made a noise, saying "friend" in distaste.) "She's sick. Pretty soon she won't even be able to leave her house other than to go to the hospital. I promised her lunch today. So, I'm going."

"Oh you are, are you?" He breathed, eyes narrowed and deadly.

You turned to face him, "Please, baby? She needs the support. Other than us she has no one. Her family isn't from this country. Come with me, or send one of the Boys to watch us." You pouted, "Please?"

Ramsay looked at you for what felt like a lifetime before frowning and giving a nod.

"Where are you going?"

"That little cantina on the river. And then I'm stopping by the Girls salon and getting this nail" you held up your middle finger, "fixed, and see if they have any new information."

Ramsay blinked slowly and glanced at his watch, "You will be home by three or you will never leave this house again."

You gave a smile, "Thank you, my love."

He grunted and left. You dropped the smile and sighed, turning back to the counter to finish your make up.

Ever since trying to pry him open yesterday morning he had been a real dick. He was quieter than usual, and you took it as a bad sign. Quiet meant over thinking. Over thinking meant unwanted trouble. He was restless too. You weren't sure he had even come to bed last night. All morning he had fidgeted and would abruptly get up and start cleaning something that was already spotless.

You had joked about throwing mud on the walls so he would have a legitimate reason to clean, but you didn't even get a chuckle.

Maybe he was strung out on speed or something? It was all you could come up with. You would make a point of examining him closely later.

"Baby?" You said rather timidly as you walked into the quiet living room, glancing around and not seeing him.

"Yes, doll?" He said, sitting up from the couch.

You threw caution to the wind, "Are you high?"

He raised a brow at you and smirked, "No."

You frowned. "See, I'm not sure if that's honesty or not?"

"I'm not. But speaking of drugs, I'm making a run tonight." He said, falling back into the couch.

Why was he so fucking weird?

"You good?" You asked, walking to the back of the couch and looking down at him.

"Of course. No one is ever as good as me." He said, looking up at you.

He didn't look high. No flushed face, glassy eyes, or blown pupils. He hadn't even started drinking as a bottle of water sat on the coffee table beside his cigarettes and lighter.

You pursed your lips with a frown, "mmm."

He gave a grin.

"You've been weird since we got home yesterday."

"And?"

You gave an irritable sigh, "I don't know. Just thought I should make you aware. Now, I'm going to lunch. I love you."

You leaned over the couch and gave him a gentle kiss.

He cupped your face and pulled you over the couch into him. You gave a startled noise, with a gasp. He pulled you closer, kissing across your jaw and worrying a hickey on your neck.

You relaxed into him. He bit down, much harder than usual,  making you hiss.

"Ouch, Rams. That hurt." You whined, pulling away from him, but he pulled you closer and placed a gentle kiss to his bite marks.

"Three O'clock, baby girl." He said, letting go of you, slapping your ass as you stood up.

"Yes. Three. I know." You said, grabbing your coat and purse.

You sighed as you closed the door to the jeep, adjusting the seat, and waiting on the heater to start blowing warm.

You blindly made your way across town to the restaurant, lost in thought, and yet not even sure what you were thinking about. Ramsay, obviously. But what exactly about him?

You had learned so many new things about him recently, and it was as if he kept you going to the point of exhaustion so you didn't have the time to process it all.

You walked in the restaurant, glancing around, spotting Liz at a booth. There was no mistaking her dark hair, tanned skin, and big brown eyes. Seeing her and Ben together was like seeing snow meet the desert. Their son only got Ben's light colored hair. You wondered if your child would take after you or Ramsay more.

You gave Liz a tight hug as you sat down across from her and ordered a water.

"How are you?" you asked, fingering a tortilla chip.

She heaved a sigh, "eh."

You let out a laugh, "I heard that. No updates?"

"No. I have an appointment Monday with the specialist about all of my options at this stage." Liz said, absentmindedly dipping her chip in salsa.

"How's Ben taking it?" You asked, glancing the menu over as your drink was set in front of you.

"He's being a champ. Got my mom a plane ticket to come out here and stay for awhile after I start the chemo, to help with Kade."

You gave a smile, "good. I'm sure that will help everyone. How is my little amigo doing?"

"Great. He's still loving school. We've kept him in the dark about me though. Not sure how to tell him where he will understand and not flip a lid. He knows I'm sick. But that's all we have told him."

"What are we doing for his birthday?"

"He wants to do Paw Patrol. Party, tomorrow at our place. Around three."

"Sweet. Anything I need to bring?"

"Nope. Just yourselves. How'd your ultrasound go?" Liz said, sipping her drink.

Happiness spread through you, "absolutely amazing. Thirteen weeks. Due June twenty seventh. It's so surreal. Like there is a tiny little person in here."

Liz laughed as you pushed your belly out.

"Si. But they don't stay tiny for long. It seems like one minute you're screaming for them to get out and the next your screaming because peanut butter is in the bluray player."

You both laughed. How nice it was to spend time with her again.

"I suppose Ramsay wants a boy?"

"Of course. If he could find a way to make it set in stone he would."

"Well, what about you?"

You shrugged, "either way I'm fucked, if you really do pay for your raising."

"Truer words have never been spoke. But, he or she will be worth every physical pain, and your sanity may leave you, but like we really have any of that left anyways."

You nodded with a laugh as the waiter approached your table and you placed your order.

"So, you know this better than I, being a nurse and all, but what kinds of, um..." you glanced around the crowded restaurant, "things would wire you for sound?"

"Ramsay?"

You nodded.

"Doubt it's that. A lot of stress for you both lately. Finding out your pregnant, the shit at the bar, the shoot out, and whatever else goes on with you two. He doesn't exactly process stress well. Maybe it wires him? What did you do?" Liz said, eating another chip, adding the last part casually and accusatory.

You reached for a chip from her basket, as you realized you had demolished yours.

"We actually don't spend a lot of time together. He's always going. But now with the bar burnt, and the shit with Stark we are both kind of stuck at home. I think he's afraid something will happen to his child. But, I may or may not have pressured him into a lot recently. Sponsoring underage street racers. Demanding questions to be answered. My hormones have been ridiculous. I may have accidentally called him a bastard. I'm pushing him over the edge, and it scares me, but it's exciting too. Like I can't even help it. I want to see what happens when he gets cornered. I can see it in his eyes, and it's satisfying to see the internal struggle."

Liz gave you a long look and laughed, "you two were fucking made for each other, hon. When did you become such a bold as brass bitch? You are playing with fire. Like raging forest fire. You are the reason for his weirdness, chika. Just put on some edgy metal, call him daddy, and blow him. Or give him some pain. Whatever weird shit it is you two are into. Just let him vent it out sexually and he'll be good as gold again. And if that doesn't work, make a scene with some random guy for him to kill. Maybe both."

Your cheeks burnt, but you couldn't suppress the grin. "How long have our husbands been friends? Rams doesn't really talk about his childhood."

"I don't know. I know they met in like fifth grade, but I don't know if they became friends immediately. Why?" Liz said, picking up her fork as the food was placed in front of you both.

You shrugged, tucking into your food.

xxx

"Have time to get your nails done? I want you to meet our girls."

"Sure. It's been awhile." Liz said examining her nails.

"Follow me, and I will see you there." You smiled, climbing up in the jeep.

Liz, too took to the girls immediately. But they were one in the same, as they were from the same country. Maybe they would help her feel more at home. Liz had often confessed she felt so out of place here.

She had met Ben eight years ago, while he was in the service, and he married her the first opportunity he got. She had left everything she loved and knew behind when Ben's contract was up and he wanted to "come home". In a way you connected with Liz on that level. To leave everything behind and never look back.

Your conversation with Ramsay the previous day creeping up on you again.

"Sup, little flower?" Obella asked, looking up from your hand to look at your face.

You made face, "nothing. Just thinking. Let's do a sharper tip."

"Thinking about?" she asked, finishing up your nail and examining it closely, filing it to a sharper point.

"Rams." you said with a shrug.

"So why the long face? I usually hear about how you look at him with love and hunger. Tyene gushes about how cute it is." Obella said, resting her face on her hand and piercing you with a fierce gaze.

"We just... had a disagreement yesterday is all."

"And who was right?"

"Um, neither?" You said as the woman rose, taking your hand and leading you over to the drying lamp.

She leaned against the wall, "How long have you been together?"

"Three years." You replied, watching her curiously.

"Mama!" Obella called across the room to Ellaria.

The woman glanced up from Liz's nails.

They exchanged a very emotional sounding conversation in their native tongue. Liz joined in.

You pursed your lips, watching them, as the rest of your girls also threw their two cents in. Man, how you should of actually paid attention in your classes in high school.

"What kind of lingerie do you wear?" Obella asked, abruptly.

"Um..." you said, clearing your throat, feeling warm in the face, "none? Rams threw everything out. Said he hated it. That it gets in his way."

Obella tutted, yanked your hand up, made sure your nails were dry and tugged you from the chair.

Questioningly, you followed her through the door to the back and into a much smaller room. She flipped the light switch on and you glanced around the storage room.

"Wait here." She said, leaving.

A few moments later she came back with a large black plastic bag, dropped it at your feet, and stooped down to rummage through it and pull out revealing outfits.

She made you try on multiple outfits ignoring your protests, setting aside the ones she had liked on you best.

She walked around you examining the strappy black leather outfit that hardly left anything to imagination and hardly covered even your nipples and rather uncomfortable fabric between your legs, pulling at the thin chains at your throat. What would Ramsay say if he knew what you were doing in a nail salon?

"This one for sure." Obella said with a smile.

You frowned, placing your hand on your stomach.

"But I'm pregnant, and it's becoming obvious."

"No, no. Nothing is sexier than a pregnant woman who knows how to embrace her body and fuck her lover senseless." Ellaria said, walking in and leaning against the door frame.

"But I..." you began, your cheeks burning as the older woman ran her eyes over you.

"But nothing. It's no secret that your husband has no shame in showing the world how obsessed he is with you." She nodded at your neck. "Embrace it, child. You control him. He does not control you. Remind him of that. He's picking fights to bend you. Push back." Ellaria said firmly.

These women were trying to get you hurt. Like damn. No one knew Ramsay like you, and not even you knew him.

"I'll try. But, I need to get home. I promised Rams I'd be home by three." You said, grabbing up your clothes.

"Oh, before I forget. The Greyjoy has left the state. He went back to his hometown. Vacation. Or that administrative leave shit. Whatever. He will be back in two weeks." Obella said, before leaving you alone to dress.

"Thank you ladies." You said with a smile, walking back onto the floor of the shop.

"Of course." Obella said, grabbing your breasts and shifting them to make them seem much bigger.

You grabbed up your coat and purse, giving Liz a tight hug as you entered the shop floor, and letting Obella stuff your bag full of lingerie.

"Alright girls, I have had a splendid afternoon." you smiled, placing a 100 down on the counter and leaving.

Maybe the Girls were right. Ramsay belonged to you as much as you belonged to him. You were not going to let him get bored of you. You were not going to let him cast you aside. And, well, if he was stressed, you could fix that. Your hormones were changing your outlook on things. You were no sweet, innocent angel. Maybe it was time to raise a little hell.

[yuniesan]

Heroes of Tomorrow, Heroes of Today - Chapter Six

Synopsis: Riley is the daughter of Tony Stark, but no one knows who she is. Her life has been a lie for her own protection, so when she strikes a deal with her father in six months the world would know. How hard can that be? Well when you’re going to a school where your teachers had once betrayed him, and the one guy you might like hates your father, well everything just becomes a complicated mess.

Or How I mixed two of my favorite universes and made Tony Stark a better father than his own father ever was.

[Previous Chapters]

Chapter Six – Sometimes it’s easy to sneak around

Tony flirts with everyone, he knows this, he didn’t expect to have Captain America the paragon of all that is good to flirt back. The only reason he had used the opening that Steve had given him was because he needed to find a way to get all of the Avengers into one place. Panic attack or no panic attack he needed to sit down with them all and actually have a conversation. The barbeque was out of the question because everyone invited knew about Riley so they were allowed to be father and daughter for a day without worrying about the media. After thinking about it since the conversation with Steve, and promptly blowing up the upgrade to the boot of his suit and having DUM-E use the fire extinguisher on him and not the boot.

“Did you invite the Avengers to our family barbeque?” Pepper asked as she walked in through the door.

“Yes and no, Steve invited himself and the team and I agreed to it, but I have an idea, the barbeque can be on Sunday because it gives you an excuse to force everyone to bed since the next day is a school day, and I’ll tell the Avengers to come over on Saturday and we can have our dinner that day.”

“You’ve thought of everything except one little detail,” she said raising her eyebrows at him.

“What? What did I forget?”

“Riley.”

“She can hide for a day.”

“From super soldiers, spies, and powered individuals?”

“Her lab has a lockdown, and the vents are so small that not even Clint could get inside of them so she’ll be alright.”

“You know sometimes I’m afraid that our daughter takes too much after you.”

“Yeah until she starts handing out words of wisdom or asks me for shoes, the shoe thing I’m pretty sure comes from you.”

Pepper sighed before sitting down on the couch. his workshop. It was brand new since the last one had been torched when he accidentally set off the repulsor in his glove the week before while doing an upgrade.

“Do you want to talk about the other thing?”

“You mean the fact that you and Rhodey are dating? Let me think… Yes,” he said smiling before sitting down next to her. “There was a time where I was sure that we would stay together but now I’m not so sure.”

“I wished for it too but in the end I guess I was more afraid you’d die as Iron Man.”

“But Rhodey bear is a service man, and he’s the Iron Patriot.”

“But he’s more careful than you are when it comes to a lot of things, and he always remembers the small things, with you some days I was lucky that you remembered to sleep.”

“Harsh Pep.”

“Let me just tell you the easy part,” she said taking a deep breath. “We started dating about two months ago.”

“Who made the first move?”

“He did, and he was a complete gentleman about it too.”

“I’m happy for the both of you, and if he hurts you in any way tell me, I’ll send Riley to kick his ass.”

“No, I’ll kick his ass, with my million-dollar heels.”

“Did I ever get you a pair of million-dollar shoes?”

“If you did I would remember but no you didn’t. Although maybe for Christmas?”

“Listen if you and Rhodey get married I’ll buy you the shoes and the dress to match, hell I’ll walk you down the aisle and give you away.”

“Sounds like a plan,” she smiled at him before pulling him into a hug. “Are you going to give James the shovel talk today or are you waiting until he starts sweating?”

He thought about it for a moment before he decided. “I’ll wait, he still needs to get Riley’s permission to date you.”

“She’s a tough one,” she said laughing. They both knew how protective their daughter was, for Tony she worked to make sure he survived. For Pepper she made sure that he did his paperwork, and they had the occasional shopping trip with one another.

“By the way,” he said once they stopped laughing. “How did you find out about the team coming to the barbeque?”

“I got an email from FRIDAY, which was just the first because I also received a voicemail from Vision.”

“Betrayed by my own creations, I should have known.”

“I’m actually Riley’s creation Boss,” FRIDAY said making Pepper laugh.

“Yeah yeah,” he said before leaning into the back of the couch and rubbing his eyes.

“I know it’s useless but you should get some sleep,” she said to him.

“I should but I need to finish this up before tomorrow, I signed all the paperwork you sent me earlier so you can pick it up from my office of have someone pick it up for you.”

“You know you’re being very responsible, especially now that you’re the Director, if I didn’t know better I would have thought that you’d been possessed by something.”

“No, just trying to make my kid proud.”

Pepper left him alone in the workshop not long after that, leaving him to fix the problem with his boot in peace. He had sent off an email while he worked to Steve that he had to be at the house by six on Saturday, and then sent the same email to all of the other Avengers, including a wayward archer who hated him because he was nice to the guy’s kids.

“Time to fix some relationships,” he said out loud to himself.

“Whatever you say Boss,” FRIDAY answered.

“I didn’t forget about your meddling young lady so don’t push me,” he said threatening the A.I. which shouldn’t be weird because it was a normal occurrence but now he didn’t know if FRIDAY was working with him or against him. It was Riley’s creation but it felt as though his own kid was using the A.I. to manipulate him into a false sense of security. When had his daughter become the parent in the relationship?

Tony sent Steve a message telling him that they should have their date on Saturday, and then promptly sent an invite for the barbeque to the rest of the Avengers for the same day. He had to believe that his daughter was right about families fighting but he also knew that there was going to be an all-out fight that day as well.

“Fri, can you tell Vision to come down here so I can get his help,” he said thinking of JARVIS his old friend still lives within Vision but in some ways he’s learned that Vision was also becoming a good friend so he didn’t mind.

“FRIDAY has told me that you would like to see me,” Vision said as he came through the wall making Tony jump and fire off the boot he had been working on for the second time.

“Jesus,” he as the far wall exploded. “Doors Viz, learn to use doors please.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright, I wanted to see you because I’m planning something and honestly I don’t want the other avengers to know I’m planning this, and Steve thinks it’s a date but it’s actually a team bonding thing,” he said only stopping because he needed to breathe. “Anyway, Riley wants me to work on mending these relationships with the team, and honestly no matter how much we all fucked up, we need to once again function as a team even if that means lying to everyone to make sure that they show up for dinner.”

“And what is my role in all of this?” Vision said looking at him with wonder. Although for Tony is was still a bit freaky that the guy could look so human and not be human at the same time.

“Well you’ve been working on your cooking skills, so can you be in charge of food, nothing fancy just something that says home.”

“It sounds like a strange concept but I have been working on several recipes with Riley, Isaiah, and Peter so I believe I can try.”

“Thanks Viz, for everything.”

“No problem Mr. Stark,” he smiled for a moment but before Tony could correct him the android left the room.

“I hate it when he calls me Mr. Stark, and now I’m sure he does it on purpose,” he said to himself before moving on to fixing the latest disaster.

Riley had gotten the message from her father, she wasn’t allowed upstairs while the Avengers were on the premises and since they weren’t sure when the team would arrive, she had locked herself away the night before. She had homework to do and things to build, plus she had to figure out the formula for that nail polish which had been bothering her since she blew up the science lab.

As she worked on the equations for the nail polish, her phone started ringing, she saw Zay’s face light up the screen so she put the phone to her ear as she answered.

“Hey Zay,” she said as she tweaked the equation, making FRIDAY run the numbers before the screen turned red making her grunt at the fact that she couldn’t perfect the damn thing.

“So I think my dad is dating your mom,” Zay said making Riley drop her tablet.

“WHAT?”

“Well your mom came over yesterday, my dad thought I was sleeping, anyway they were downstairs talking about how she told your dad that they were dating because my dad was too much of a coward to do it the other day.”

“Zay, Uncle Rhodey is not a coward.”

“No he’s not, but apparently he needs your approval for their relationship to continue, because your dad has already blessed them, but because we’re their kids they need our approval. I mean if they got together to the point where they got married we’d be brother and sister, which is cool, but why do they need our permission to date?”

“I think it has to do with boundaries and how it would be a blended family, and all of that kind of stuff,” she said thinking about how it would make them all a real family. “You know, I approve of their relationship, plus they know each other so there’s no awkward thing where they have to explain that they have kids.”

“You’re being optimistic.”

“Yeah well I’ve been locked in my workshop for an entire day because of whatever my dad is up to, and since the Avengers were coming over I can’t go to my room… it gives a person time to think about things.”

Her phone beeped three times, as her tablet alerted her that Peter was on the other line.

“Hey Zay, Peter’s calling,” she said.

“Go talk to your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, will you let that go.”

“Nope, talk to you later.”

“Later Zay.”

She switched the call over only to have Peter sigh in her ear.

“So I’m at your house, and I can’t bug you because the Avengers are coming over, what’s your dad up to?”

“Team building exercises,” she said smiling. “Actually I’m not sure, all I know is that I’m not allowed to go out, and you can’t come down here, but we’re having a barbeque tomorrow and your invited to that.”

“Am I?” he said and she knew he was bored because he was trying to find something to talk about with her even if he questioned everything she was saying.

“Yes, it’s only family, so basically my parents, Zay and Uncle Rhodey, you, Ned and Vision… In the end it’s just the people who know I exist. I mean dad invited Uncle Nick but he’s busy.”

“How your dad has kept you a secret is beyond me,” Peter said before becoming quiet. “Everyone is starting to arrive.”

“Game face Pete,” she said smiling.

“I wish, it’s still a little weird that they know who I am, but not know who I am… wait did that make any sense?”

“Not really but then again you’re in a room full of superheroes so who knows what makes sense anymore. Text me when you’re ready to run and Vision will probably find a way to sneak you away.”

“Funny, but even I’m sure you’re as stuck as I am in all of this,” he said and she knew he was waving his hands around. Peter was very animated when he spoke to anyone and sometimes is was fun to watch.

“Who’s up there anyway?”

“Well that panther guy is here, and Dr. Banner has been talking to Tony about something and of course… Tony is trying to convince him to teach a science class at the academy,” he said and Riley could tell that he was trying to hold back the words your dad. “Vision is in the kitchen cooking, and Zay’s dad is here making himself a drink.”

“Yeah… good luck with that and talk to you later,” she said before attempting to hang up.

“Later… yeah hopefully nothing happens… so yeah later,” he said mumbling along. He was nervous and she knew it.

Letting go of the phone she walked over to the couch she kept in the shop and sat down trying to figure out what to do with herself when Vision came in through the wall making her jump.

“Jeez, why can’t I get used to that?” she said with her hand on her chest as her heartbeat sped up.

“I’m sorry, but since I’m not allowed to open the door and not alert the others within the house it was unavoidable,” Vision said uncovering a plate full of food. Riley smiled when she saw nothing but comfort food in front of her. Before Peter knew who she was Vision had been her only real friend outside of Zay, so when Vision had started to learn how to cook with Wanda, he had come over to the house with plates of food for Riley to try.

Lately he had been cooking dinner with even Peter in mind, as he was coming over more and more. Ned came with him sometimes, but mostly went to Zay’s because they had some kind of competition going on a video game.

“It’s okay,” she said smiling as he put down a plate of mac and cheese with stuffed chicken breast and mashed potatoes. “You know if mom saw that there were no veggies in this she would probably freak.”

That was when Vision uncovered a second plate with the most colorful salad she could have imagined. She couldn’t help but smile at the android wishing that he could taste the things he often made for her.

“Thanks,” she said before receiving a smile from Vision.

“You’re welcome,” he said before leaving.

The only thing she could do now was wait so she had FRIDAY put on a movie as she settled down to eat her food.

Steve drove his motorcycle to Tony’s house for their date, he had thought it was going to be a barbeque but when he had gotten the message it hadn’t seemed that way anymore. He had learned from Bucky, in what seems like another time, to flirt with others but had never actually flirted. Even with Sharon everything had been an awkward mess, but he tried it out on Tony and didn’t really expect the reaction he had received.

He also hadn’t expected up to the huge house and see the rest of the Avengers standing in front of the door as if they were debating on whether to knock or run the other way. Clint was standing next to Natasha who was holding his hand while Bucky glared from her other side. Wanda was letting out sparks of magic from being nervous, Sam was watching everyone, and Scott wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be there.

“Hey,” he said walking up to everyone utterly confused as to what was happening.

“So Stark invites the whole team over for dinner,” Clint says as he tries to pull away from Nat. “Without telling any of us that he invited the other members of the team.”

“Well he hasn’t really spoken to any of us since he announced that he was the director,” Natasha said, Steve could see a bit of sadness in her eyes.

“I’m pretty sure the only person who talks to him is Colonel Rhodes,” Steve said watching as everyone was nervous. He had realized at that moment that Tony had lied about the date, and for some reason it stung because he wanted it to happen, but Tony had to deal with his trust issues with the team. He should have known this but he had given himself a little bit of hope anyway.

Steve watched as Clint attempted to run away for a second time but Natasha grabbed onto his shirt collar and pulled him back choking the man.

“Damn it Nat let me go,” Clint said trying to get away from her grip.

“No, Laura says you have to do this, she’s still pissed off at you for leaving and going off to help Steve because you were supposed to be retired. She also told me how much fun you all had on Tony’s private island so stop being stupid and fucking apologize to the man like the grown up man that you are or else I’ll get James to sit on your head until I can get your wife over here to yell at you,” she said without stopping, and Steve knew she meant business.

He had wondered about Clint and his family for so long, after everything that had happened, about his own selfishness in asking the archer for help and what it had cost him. Only finding out from Nat weeks ago that Laura Barton believes in family, and that although they fight she’s still pissed off at Steve and the rest of them for what had happened. But also there had been some connection formed between the Barton kids and Tony. Nat wasn’t infallible in all of this either since she had left Tony behind to help him get away and then joined him in the months after. They had all in some way abandoned Tony, and none of them had tried hard enough to repair that damage since they returned.

The door opened with Dr. Banner on the other side, someone else that they had to learn to work with a get pass another wall. Bruce in some ways understood Tony’s need to have laws for powered individuals in a way that Steve had missed since he had made the safety of his childhood friend a priority. Once Tony had modified the Accords to the point where Ross was no longer involved and SHIELD as the in between with the UN. Banner understood the Accords in a way that Steve hadn’t and it had been because Banner had the Hulk, but he had also grown up in the same world that Tony had where people take advantage of those with any kind of power, and some who had power took advantage of their position.

Steve had seen it with the Red Skull, but what he had undeniably missed the first time around was just how frightened the people of the world were of those with the kind of powers that the Avengers had. Natasha had told him once while they had been on the run, that in a world like theirs there had to be some kind of checks and balances because if there wasn’t it would be as bad as having a mad dictator taking over. Now as he worked to repair so much of what had gone wrong he had to also deal with the fact that as much as he acted like a man out of time, he had been in this life long enough to see what happens when someone has too much power and takes advantage of that.

“Hey everybody,” Bruce said welcoming them all in. “FRIDAY had announced your presence but also told us that you were all questioning whether you should knock. So I gave you a few minutes before opening the door.”

“Hey Bruce,” Natasha said finally letting go of Clint so that she could hug the other man, but it hadn’t gone unnoticed how Bucky had stood behind the archer to keep him from running off.

“Hey Nat,” Bruce said smiling. Steve had found out that after the war with Thanos, after what had happened to the man while he was in another realm, long after Ultron, Bruce Banner had found himself able to truly control his other half. He had gotten help from Tony in some ways and in others he had gotten help from an old friend.

“So what have you been up to?” she asked walking into the mansion.

“Well Tony’s trying to convince me into working at the Academy, he even offered a position to Betty, and we’re both considering it.”

“Betty? As in Betty Ross?” Clint said astonished at what he was hearing.

“Yes, Betty and I got back together and we’ve decided to work on our relationship especially since well, after the whole near end of the world thing. I don’t want to hold back anymore and lose someone so special.”

“But she’s… she’s Ross’s daughter,” Clint said making Steve’s head turn to the two men. Bruce saw his reaction immediately before offering up a quick explanation.

“Betty and her father haven’t gotten along since what happened in Harlem, it’s a long story and not one I’m planning on going into right now, this is a dinner to fix the dynamics of the avengers at least those who were involved in that stupid pissing contest, so come in and make yourselves comfortable.”

The group walked in to see Peter Parker standing next to T’Challa while talking to Tony who was mixing some kind of drink. Steve hoped it wasn’t alcoholic since the kid was still underage. Tony walked up to the bar and give Tony a knowing look before the genius poured him a drink shrugging as he walked to the mini fridge and grabbed some more ice.

“What,” he said as Steve took a drink from the cup and tasted nothing but fruit. It was fruit punch, with actual fruit which surprised him. “I never said today was a date, I just said dinner and told you to be here.”

“Well that’s true, I guess I should have gotten more details in the end,” Steve said before turning around to greet Peter and T’Challa.

Once everyone sat down comfortably around the living area Tony finally walked out from behind the bar and sat down on the couch next to Peter.

“So,” he said putting his drink down on the side table. “You may all be wondering why you’re here. Well I think it’s time for us to actually have a conversation that doesn’t end in someone throwing a punch, of having an arrow shot at my ass.”

Clint choked on his drink for a moment, Natasha started hitting him on the back trying to help him breathe.

“Anyway, Barton already knows this is coming especially since his lovely wife threatened him within an inch of his life just to make him show up here today, because as angry as he is with me over all of the stupidity he himself created, his wife is scary if you cross her. So we’re here to mend the fences, to fix this bullshit, and to let go because honestly I can’t deal with Natasha popping up somewhere and scaring the living shit out of me again. I get enough of that from Vision and the walking through walls bit he loves to do.”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh, thinking of how popping up out of nowhere freaks the other man out, but he could understand where the whole conversation was going to go because they needed to mend this team of wayward heroes.

“So where do we start?” he asked looking over at Tony.

“Dinner or a movie night, twice a week, we could do it here or at NAF but we need to get together more often. Today we start with food and conversation, because Vision has been cooking up a storm all afternoon,” Tony said while everyone else stayed quiet.

Steve saw a pained looked on Wanda’s face because as close as the two of them had gotten since the Civil War, there was still a small rift there because of what had happened to Tony and Steve only knew about it because the same rift was slowly mending itself between Tony and himself. Vision and Tony were family, because of how much of JARVIS lived within the android but also because he was created by the genius himself. To Tony Vision was as much his child as JARVIS had been, even Tony’s bots were his family.

Now they just had to work on mending the human family that Tony had once relied on, that Steve had torn apart and now regretted it after being on the run because of all of their fighting.

“Families fight,” Tony said shrugging his shoulders. “In the end it’s up to us to fix it so that we can trust each other again.”

[sweet-hypocrisy]

I Need to Use This More

Going back and rereading some of these posts have been interesting. 

2018 was a bit of an eye opener for me. I learned that hell, I do actually have BPD. Ironic, considering I wrote a post bitching about how my mother tried to label me as such to absolve any responsibility for her shit ability to be an emotionally nurturing parenting. Kicker: I have BPD because of my parents. However, they’re not going to fix me. I need to let go of my anger toward them. My resentment. They’re never going to accept responsibility. My mom will make comments at times. Like when I went over there and broke down in a moment of weakness and went to her freaking out when I found the diagnosis. She told me she knows she’s not the greatest mother and she wasn’t very friendly and warm. She blamed her own childhood. Which from the bits and pieces I’ve gathered over 30 years, I don’t disagree. But it’s always felt more of an opportunity for me to comfort her for her parenting. I wonder if I do the same thing.

I’ve been struggling to cope with the fact that I more than likely have a personality disorder. Mainly, the stigma attached to it. There are times where I go on places like the BPD subreddit, hear how awful Lina is with her BPD, and think that’s not me. No, it is. I have just learned to internalize more and have gotten consequences for not doing so.

I seek validation too often, and I often feel like I manipulate or guilt trip to get that. I feel like an emotional abuser. I cling too hard. People don’t know it, but I make everyone responsible for my mood. Or I blame people for my mood. I’m responsible for that. Nobody else. I can’t control my unstable emotions. My emotions change at the drop of a hat. Yesterday I woke up feeling refreshed, motivated, ready. I organized the house. Took Fiona on a 3 mile walk. Felt accomplished. Then the toilet started leaking all over, into the basement. And I spiralled. So far this morning I have cried twice over minor inconveniences and I just feel so alone and angry. So far for that this morning I have blamed my best friend and husband. Why? Because the composter I was promised would be built is still not (we’ve been busy, had house guests for a week, and I can also build it my fucking self), and is now missing parts and it feels like the responsibility to return and fix my own Christmas gift is on me. Which, I guess it should be. He just bought it. Why does he have to do everything for it? My best friend is texting me to vent about her roommate/best friend she likely has replaced me with, mentioned wanting to plan a surprise party for him. I already feel replaced, and I’m feeling the huge pangs of loss, jealousy. Because she hasn’t done that for me ever (granted, I don’t think I’ve done it for her, either). I do now remember her getting a “surprise” dinner together with Dan when I left Petsmart. She does send me occasional surprise gifts and cards. I need to remember that. My original statement wasn’t fair to make. Again, with assuming the worst of people.  I guess my feelings are coming from feeling distanced from her. Literally, and figuratively. She moved just far enough away to deter the will to drive to and from each other as much as we used to. She started a new job (which she loves, which makes me happy) where she works nights and weekends, which directly conflicts with mine. So that’s two strikes against us. Yet, I spent 12 days off texting her every day over Christmas break and only managed to spend an hour with her. I feel like I make the effort far more than she does. I’m not sure if she does that with everyone, or if it’s just me. I always ask to hang out. I often text her first. Part of me worries she is depressed. She promises me she’s fine. I asked her if there was something wrong with us. She promises we’re fine. Yet, why don’t I believe her? Is it because there is something there, of is it my fucking fear of abandonment? We also have way different...lifestyles, I guess. Well, kind of. As much as she stays in bed and goes to bed at 9pm as I do, she also goes clubbing and bar hopping until 4am. That shit is so far in my past, with the exception of maybe a few nights a year. I’m sure for the most part, all of her other friends would find me incredibly grandma-like and lame. Which is probably fair, lol.

Anyway, back to this toilet situation that somehow ruins my life. My fucked up thought process: blame my husband..sort of. More his job, which he chooses to be employed at. He was supposed to be home Friday. So..somehow the toilet leaking Saturday night is his fault. Like he deliberately made it leak for me to deal with. Of course not. But I tried to find help. Nobody around willing to help. To be fair, he did video chat me and we found the solution, just don’t have the parts to do it. Reality: I’m frustrated with the fact that these things tend to happen when I am alone and I hate feeling out of control by the fact that I do not have the knowledge and skills to fix it myself. So it comes out as anger. It comes out as anger when I feel upset by the fact that I don’t feel like I can depend on people to come help me. Dan’s dad is up North (not that I’m angry at him about it). Jason said he’d come over today, and while he doesn’t often flake in situations like this, he does flake on other things just enough for the seed of doubt to be planted. At the same time I feel guilty he was asked, because I feel like this family treats him as the bitch and errand boy and I feel bad. I literally never ask my parents to help me with a Goddamn thing, and I’m not sure what to expect when they said they’d be over at “some point” to help me. Dan being gone automatically made everything his fault. He is my scapegoat. It’s not fair, and I feel like a terrible wife. When I realize I’m doing this, all I want to do is throw myself off of a bridge. He tried helping me from where he was. Why isn’t that good enough? Like..the only acceptable thing would have been to drop everything, hop on a plane, and come home in 5 minutes and just fix it. That’s not realistic. It’s not even reasonable. He called his dad. He called Jason. He video chatted me. He showed me what to do. Why wasn’t that enough at the time? I remember telling him how it wasn’t fair because there is NEVER a time where he physically was stuck doing something and I wasn’t there to support him. Maybe I’m still resentful because of the miscarriage. Driving myself to the emergency room. Sitting in a room by myself as they delivered the news that I was no longer pregnant when I didn’t even know I was to begin with. When they told me, alone, that our child was estimated 6-8 weeks based on hormone levels and tissue they found remaining in ultrasound. The horrible procedure of removing what was left. Coming home and being stuck wearing diaper pads while I bled. I know it was hard on him. I know he wanted to be there. But he wasn’t. I need to let it go. It’s just made me more afraid to be here alone. What next huge thing is he going to have to miss? He is always here for me. He’s a phone call away. A text away. But he can’t always answer his phone. I just..want him to stay the fuck home. I don’t care if we are stuck in this house for the rest of our lives and he takes a huge pay cut. I can’t take it anymore. I think it’s the one thing that’s going to break us, if there is one. That or my psychotic being will become too much for him. Surprise it hasn’t yet. Maybe it is. Maybe I’ll be the very last to know. I don’t know. 

I get so resentful and frustrated when he’s gone. Naturally I have to take on more of the burden when he’s home. All of the cleaning, cooking, appointments, caring for the pets, any minor inconvenience is on me. And I make it all his fault. Like he personally fucking enjoys staying in a shitty hotel room away from home while his wife does everything. He tells me he wouldn’t care if I literally did nothing and he came home to a sink full of dishes. Maybe I do it all because I know I’d be fucking irritated if I came home from a 2 week business trip to a total fucking mess waiting for me (and truthfully feel like I would come home to. Not sure if it’s accounting for my husband’s lack of urgency or attention to detail or me being an asshole and assuming the worst). I do it for him so he can come home and feel like he can relax without an immediate to-do list waiting for him. Yet I do it because I like to provide for him, while at the same time resent him for having to do everything. What the fuck, Nicole. I think some of this is not liking to be by myself. It’s not even just the fact that I’m alone, physically. Being alone gets me stuck in my own head. And if you hate yourself, why would you want to be with yourself, 24 hours a day? It’s always the weekends that get bad for me when he’s gone. Mainly, it’s because as I near my 30′s and people get busy, I can’t get anybody to fucking hang out with me. I’m on my own. During the week I have 10 hours of work to distract me, and then I enjoy coming home for a few hours and then going to bed. Weekends are 48 hours of solitude. And I almost feel guilty for like..having fun and doing stuff without him. Which is 100% on me. I don’t need to do that. But he often will tell me to do wait to do things (like around the house), etc. for when he gets home. And then weeks and weeks pass. Sidevent, I’m so tired of being the motivator and scheduler for these things. Like...our bathroom is still not done. I keep mentioning what needs to get done (aka him to do) and it doesn’t get done. Our front door still isn’t fucking installed and we bought in September. His fucking job gets in the way of everything. It sucks all of his time, energy, and motivation. But they keep throwing money at him so it’s fine. It’s not. He tells me all of the time he’s just content to sit at home doing nothing during our free time because of his long hours and travel. I don’t have either and never get to leave this fucking town, so all I want to do is do so. I want to see the world. People. Dive into other cultures and learn. I feel like he wants anything but. It makes me feel trapped. Tethered. Leashed. Maybe I need to learn to just go and do these on my own. But again, I do so much by myself and alone already...why do I need to add another thing? I do so much alone. Grocery shopping, cleaning, hanging out, visiting our friends. Now I have to travel alone?

So much of my life I thought a lot of my thought processes were an account of my upbringing. Which, I guess it still is. Or was me being humble, modest. I have always assumed the worst of people (in ways such as people promising to do something for me and I will immediately and plan accordingly and assume they will never fulfill that promise because I’m not important enough to keep a promise for or be cared about). I always make myself the point of blame and scapegoat myself in situations. Reality: it’s actually pretty fucking selfish. Not everything is about me. Someone can be upset by something entirely outside of me, dumbass. I am not the cause of everything horrible. I will always convince myself that people don’t like me. Don’t love me. Don’t care about me. Don’t want to be around me. It’s incredibly lonely. I don’t know how to make it stop.