#Anyway it didn’t have to be Breaktime 6 for it to still happen

[cursed-dreamers-dream]

while I was wrong with what the Breaktime was going to be about, we did in fact get Julius and Subaru interaction

[daughterofanarchangel]

The thoughts of a sixteen year old part one - FRIENDS

On this blog there is AJ Winchester, a fictional character created as an OC in the Supernatural universe, and there is the mod/owner of the blog aka me. And I believe that I haven’t posted on this blog since before the season 12 premiere which makes it ideal for me to just say stuff that I need to say and work out without certian people seeing it before it’s time. So let’s get started.

The first issue is friends. And before I start I want to make it clear that I love my friends and they are some of the greatest most awesomeness people I know. But as everyone should know, everyone has problems and my friends are no expection. And neither am I. I should probably start with myself.

As a young kid I had two really close friends. They are Lara and Sarah M. I use their names because as far as I know they don’t have tumblr and will probably never see this post because of reasons that I will explain later. Lara, Sarah M and I saw each other on a regular basis; we all went to the same church. We’re all the same age with me being the oldest. At our church at the time of my early childhood we were literally the only ones our age; both Lara and Sarah M had older brothers and Sarah M and I both had younger brothers. I guess it was out of nesscessity that we all became friends. And we were really close. I mean for our fifth birthdays we got matching kiddie purses (although mine and Sarah M’s were “from Lara” and Lara’s was from her parents) how much closer could we get? I will admit looking back that I was probably closer to lara than I was Sarah M. Anyway during the summer when I was seven, Lara’s family moved away. I had gone on holiday for Christmas thinking I’d be able to see Lara one last time when I got back. When I got back she had already gone. We never really said a propper goodbye. My friendship with Sarah M soon became nothing. I still see her regularly - it’s hard not to when you both still go to the same church every week and go to the same high school. Lara and I have seen each other since she moved with the latest actually being just under a year ago. Our dads are friends on facebook so I occasionally hear how she’s doing with her rowing. But that was my first real lost with friendship.

In my first two and a half years of primary school (half a year of Year 0, with the other two years being Years 1 and 2) I don’t recall having any real close friends that I kept for long. Our short friendships lastest a few months and strangely enough the two friendships I can remember I now know their grandmothers and one old friend’s grandfather because I play the same sport as them. Towards the end of Year 2 I made a few friendships with people who would later become my friends for the rest of my time at primary.

These were Gemma and Sarah W. Again I was the oldest. At least I was until we became good friends with Jess who was three weeks older than me the year later. Jess and I being in the same class for Year 3 while Sarah W and Gemma were in the same class. We had other people come and go from the group but we were good friends. In Year 4 I was the only one who wasn’t in the same class as everyone else. Year 5 was another repeat. These two years I was alone in class but I knew I had friends who liked me and we remained friends. Year 6 being our final year at Primary, I was finally in a class with all my friends bar one. Our friendship was strong enough that we remained friends despite rarely being in the same class. But it wasn’t perfect. Looking back, Sarah W was abusive. She would often hit us and once she threw an apple at another friend’s head that made the apple split into pieces. I think younger me knew what Sarah W was doing was not right because I remember that she gave me a chinese burn so hard that I yelled at her with tears in my eyes that I no longer wanted to be friends with her because she hurt me for the last time. I didn’t speak to her for a few days but I ended up becoming friends with her again. I don’t remember exactly when this happened, because I try to block as much memories of primary as I can and I also have little memory of this time anyway, but I do remember that one day Sarah W and Gemma told me something that I still find to sting a little today. Let’s get something staright - I’ve never been popular and that hasn’t really bothered me. But it did when Sarah W and Gemma told me that they gave up their popularity to be friends with me back in Year 2. Their comment made me realise how unimportant I was to them as well as how unpopular I knew I was.

I didn’t stay friends with that group. The next two years were Intermediate and they were great compared to Primary. In Year 7 I made a great guy friend who really boasted my confidence. He was also my first lgbt friend. Back then I didn’t even know what lgbt was (i grew up in religious home and my parents never told me about gay people. They also never gave me the birds and the bees talk. Yep that’s right, I had shitty ‘health’ lessions, which literally had one lesson on the sex part of sex ed and all the other lessons about emotions and stuff which is important and all, teach me the birds and the bees in Year 7 at age 12 and even then it wasn’t until Year 9 that I really learnt anything sex ed). And while we remained friends in Year 8, I became better friends with a girl in my class in the year below me whom I still friends with today. I will mention her as Demon in future.

Year 9 was my first year of High School. For the first two terms I was almost basically a loner - I had a guy friend in the year above who sat with me and we watched the first season of Geronimo Stilton on his ipad. Then I become friends with Squirrel. Squirrel and I bonded over our mutal love for Supernatural and Teen Wolf. In Year 10, Demon joined me and Squirrel as friends, with Angel literally joining the group the next day.

We’re all still good friends today. We added Squish and Small to the group last year in Year 11. Then there’s Home. Home is a friend of mine who I’ve been friends with since I was 10. They’re home schooled but know Squirrel, Demon, Angel and Squish because of me. So what I started out with one friend became five, six when you include Home. But I don’t feel like its going to keep like this for 2018.

Angel had a fucked up childhood. Its left her with scars and believe me when I say that it’s still messing with her now three years after she left that toxic environment. As much as I care about them and love them, sometimes they bring me down. They were one third of what I like to call my emotional overload around the time of my practice exams. It’s not their fault that I feel the way I did - it’s mine because I don’t have a good handle on what I’m feeling.

Squrriel has recently opened up about her problems that I should have noticed or at least picked up on a little. They’ve decided to not sit with us this year as they are taking care of themselves because we weren’t there like they were for us. I dont blame them for that decision - we created a toxic environment and to be honest, especially towards the end of Year 11, I always felt that this was going to happen anyway since it seemed back then that they were always sitting with their other group of friends and to be fair that group of friends is a lot more mature (it seems) and less toxic than our group of friends.

Demon. There’s a reason I gave them that name. Demon is a little piece of shit. In light of Squirrel’s confession, they made their own. They admitted that they were a piece of shit, walking the fine line between joke and insult. Having been frends with them for almost four years now, I’ve learnt to take all the insults they give as jokes. At the end of last year I wrote her a four page essay letter about my feelings about some stuff that I needed to say to someone but I couldn’t go to my usual person because they’d asked not to get involved. That was the first time I ever really had a deep and meaningful thing with them.

Then there’s Home. Out of all my friends I’ve known her the longest. But last year in particular I started feeling like we weren’t going to be friends for much longer. There were some things said, written and unsaid (thankfully) between us that really got to me. Although now I feel we’ll continue being friends for a long time, I still have a small scab from that time thatI occasionally pick at.

I don’t have any problems with Squish and Small because we haven’t been friends for all that long.

I’m also a problem. I’m most definitely an introvert - always have been. During breaktimes I generally have something to do like read or scroll tumblr while only listening into my friend’s conversations, and saying a few words here and there. In the group chats or in one-on-one chats I am mostly silent and if I do take part in a conversation I usually end up ignoring notifications because I don’t want to talk.

Some day I hope that I can work out what to do because I don’t want to be truly alone. I’m scared of losing the group of friends that are so important to me and are probably the best group of friends I’ve had to date. I don’t want to lose them but sometimes I wonder why I’m even friends with them

[littlemissmusiclover-blog]

GETTING BACK TOGETHER | Yuta

Nakamoto Yuta

"Healing Smile”

like when you see him smile, any pain or discomfort that you feel right now instantly vanishes

one time, you just had a leg operation so he visited you at the hospital

your leg hurts as hell like boi wtf is this

Yuta being Yuta, brought you fruits instead of flowers

“You don’t need flowers”

“You can’t eat them so I just thought of bringing you fruits”

you start eating the fruits he brought and while you’re eating, he’s just watching you

and you’re like “WHAT?”

He just giggles and smiles at you

then BOOM

the pain from your leg operation just disappeared

when you first met him, you thought that he’s the type of guy who doesn’t take things seriously

because he’s so cheerful and talkative af during breaktimes at your school

he’s the captain of your school’s soccer team yet you see him play soccer with the younger kids during breaktime lol Yuta

until you saw him one time while he was practicing soccer

that’s when you noticed that he REALLY takes things seriously especially his love for soccer

that’s why he’s so good at playing it and became the team captain because he practices really hard

whenever you’re sad, he’s always there to do aegyos in front of you

which by the way makes you cringe so hard

but still manages to get you laugh and lessen all your worries

you also know about his dreams of becoming an idol

and you support him with it

so you let him leave, allowing him to pursue his dream

you are aware that it wouldn’t be easy

but never thought that it would be this DIFFICULT

if before you guys would talk for hours on the phone, now that they’ve debuted, you guys only get 10 minutes to talk with each other

sometimes, there’s an additional 20 minutes to it if you guys were lucky

until those calls suddenly stopped

“Nakamoto Yuta is currently unavailable right now. Please just leave a message right after the tone.” -BeeeEEEEeeep-

From “One Call Away” to “We Don’t Talk Anymore” real quick #CharliePuthZoned ok i’m such a horrible person i’m sorry hahahaha no i’m not hahahahahahaha

Your situation would be somehow similar to Jaehyun

except that the fans both love you guys

Only Yuta knows about the company not being in favour of your relationship

so the company asks him to break up with you

“EITHER SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR CAREER OR TO THAT GIRL. YOU CHOOSE.”

“They really said that?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!” - Hansol

“That’s such a foul move.” - Johnny

“It definitely is a foul move.” - Taeyong

“You guys can still date secretly. Chill out.” - Haechan

“Haechan, I think you’re forgetting the fact that we’re not trainees anymore.” - Yuta

“But (y/n) noona is really fun to be with. I wish there’s a way out of this.” - Mark

“Tell the company that you got her pregnant.” - Jaehyun

*insert the members facepalming themselves*

lol Jaehyun no... just no

yes they did give him a death glare

“That’s supposed to be my line Jaehyun. Jfc.” - Ten

The members tried to give him suggestions on how to make this easy

but they only ended up giving him useless and dumb suggestions

and that’s when they realized that it will never be easy no matter what

Yuta texted you that he has one week off from his work

you felt very excited because this means that you guys would be spending so much time together

but Yuta didn’t feel the same way

for him, it’s like a countdown towards doomsday

though he never let it show what’s really bothering him because oh look how beautiful and relieving his smile is

problems? where?

what is even a PROBLEM?

DAY 1: Yuta took you to the Korean stationery shops

He helped you choosing which calligraphy pens you need for your project even though they’re just the same colour but different brand.

He even told you “I hope you’ll use those pens when you write your love letter for me at our anniversary” yuta’s_healing_smile.jpg

DAY 2: He took you to your favourite Korean restaurant

He lets you order any food that you want but when he noticed that you only mostly ordered meat he frowns

“Hey, it’s not fair that you’re the only one who’s gonna eat meat”

“Eat some vegetables too”

And when you protest, he shoves a spoonful of vegetables into your mouth

You: “STOP BEING LIKE TAEYONG EOMMA!”

“I just want you to be healthy that’s why I’m making you eat veggies too. I don’t want you getting sick. Who will be my food buddy once you got sick?” then he wipes away the leftover sauce on your lips

DAY 3: He took you out to get some bubbletea

Even though it’s freezing cold, you guys still got those cold bubbletea drinks you guys are weird

“Hey Yuta, you want to try my purple taro?”

“Sure”

But instead of tasting it through the plastic straw, he tastes it through your lips

and guuuuuurl, he’s a great kisser

DAY 4: He took you to the movies

He cried when the dog died

but he bawled his eyes out the most when the guy and the girl from the same movie broke up wow affected much

he cried so loud that the people inside the theatre told him to shut up and fuck off

so you guys didn’t end up finishing the movie and just left

“Omg Yuta, I’ve never seen you cry over something fictional”

He suddenly hugs you tight

“Jagiya, always remember that I love you so much, okay?”

“What is wrong with you Yuta? Why are you being like this all of a sudden?”

“Jagiya, just promise me that you’ll always remember how much I love you, okay? Don’t ever forget that, no matter what happens.”

DAY 5: He took you to Lotte World Ice Rink

You don’t even know how to skate but it didn’t matter because Yuta was there to help you

He would occasionally laugh at you slipping on the ice but mostly, his hands would either be holding your hands or your waist

which results for him to hug you a lot

“Yuta, how can I even skate if you’re hugging me like this?”

“It’s cold jagiya. Let me warm up at least.”

“Of course it’s gonna be cold. We’re inside an ice skating rink!”

On that same day, he also took you to Sky Rose Garden

“Woooooooow! Look at how beautiful these roses are, Yuta!”

“But they’re not as beautiful as you.” - Yuta

yaaaaaaaas boi that’s how you do it

you blush with what he said then he cups your face and kisses you on the lips

DAY 6: He took you to N Seoul Tower

“Why’d you bring a lock?”

He doesn’t answer you and just writes both of your names on the lock

underneath your names, he wrote: “If life won’t let us be together for now, then love will find a way to make us stay together for a lifetime in the future.”

this is heartbreaking Yuta why

stop it

anywayyyy...

you blushed a hell lot when you read what he wrote

your heart skipped a beat when both of you placed the lock on

Yuta kept the key but he said that he’s gonna leave it at the Postbox of Love so that no one finds the key for your lock.

DAY 7: You guys went to Yeojwacheon Stream

You guys just took a stroll there and kept taking pictures of each other

You were a little bit sad because it’s your last day of being together and after this, he’s going back to work again

Yuta, on the other hand, is feeling way worse

He’s having conflicted emotions

He wants to stay with you forever but he couldn’t because he has a career that he wanted to protect too

So he decided to do it tomorrow

and let you guys have your last moment as a couple

That evening, he cried when you guys stopped by the bridge

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just gonna miss you so much.”

Then without any further ado, he kisses you again on the lips

but you noticed something different with his kisses

they were full of desperation though you didn’t mind it that much anyway

He whispers to you: “I love you (y/n)... gosh, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

dO YOU heAR ThAT?!?!?!

tHAT’S thE SounD OF MY HEArt BREAKing...

The next day, after they had a tv guesting, he asked if you guys could meet up again

He says that he has something to tell you

He went to your house looking all sullen

You noticed it immediately but you just waited for him to tell you what’s wrong

“Let’s break up”

You blinked twice, trying to process what he just told you

“I-It’s cold out here. Do you want to come inside first for a warm tea?”

You hoped that he would reject it but a part of you wishes that he would accept your offer

HE DIDN’T ACCEPT YOUR OFFER

“I’m sorry”

“So I guess this is it, huh?” You tried not to cry but you start tearing up anyway

He nods and looks at you directly which broke you guys even more

“Before I let you go, may I know the reason why you’re breaking up with me?”

He sighs, “It’s not just gonna work out. I’m too busy. I... I can’t fulfill my duties and responsibilities towards you.”

“I don’t want to be unfair to you”

“You deserve better”

“Please try to be happy without me” then he left

Y O U   D I D   N O T   S T O P   C R Y I N G    A B O U T   I T    U N T I L  7   D  A   Y   S    L A T E R

You didn’t know this but three days after your break up with him, he went back to all of the places that you guys had gone together

He even went to N Seoul Tower and tried to take off your lock

yes he kept the key he didn’t leave it at the Postbox of Love

he failed at taking off the lock and just burst out crying

the members got worried because he didn’t rehearse with them for a couple of days due to him catching a flu

Hansol texted you and said that Yuta is sick so you went to their dorm

When you got there, he was sleeping

so you asked help from Taeyong and Jaehyun to prepare a meal for him and the other members

just as you guys finished cooking, Yuta woke up

you brought the soup that you made under Taeyong’s supervision of course to Yuta

he was actually surprised and confused that you’re still here

you guys talked casually and laughed like nothing bad happened

the same kind of chemistry is still there

“I still don’t get why we broke up”

“I mean, you are the best boyfriend I could ever have.”

You were about to cry again and looked at him in the eye, “Am I ugly Yuta?”

“Am I exchangeable?”

“No, that’s not it (y/n)”

“THEN WHY?!”

lol MY EX AND WHYS STARRING YOU AND NAKAMOTO YUTA, NOW SHOWING

He couldn’t take it anymore and just told you everything from the fact that the company disapproves of your relationship to the day when they asked him to break up with you.

you felt relieved that somehow he told you the truth but you wished he could’ve told you sooner so you guys could take some proper measures for it together

when he was a lot better, you guys talked to the company and tried to convince them

and luckily, they approved it already

as long as it doesn’t interfere with Yuta’s obligations to his group

Both of you told the other members about this

PAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRTTTTTTTAAAAAYYYY

“So can I hold your hand again?”

You just smiled and intertwine your hand with his

“My cheeks are burning”

He looks around to see if anyone was looking at the two of you and when he notices that no one’s watching he plants a quick but passionate kiss on your lips

everyday you watch him on his rehearsals

even on their live shows

you even went to one of their fansigns

Yuta smiled like there was no tomorrow

it’s because he always knew that you were one of his reasons why he loves his work so much

YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HIS INSPIRATION