#Anyway MY HUSBAND HAS HIS BUFFNESS BACK

[kazeton]

YONE HAS HIS MUSCLES BACK! I AM BLESSED! RIOT DOES LOVE ME! I LOVE YOU TOO!

Source

[minhosimthings]

Girl Dad!Skz headcannons

Pairings: husband!Skz × wife!fem!reader

Warnings: fluff fluff fluff, mentions of pregnancy, reader wears a dress, mentions of food, teensy swearing

A/N: GUESS WHO HAS BABY FEVER AYY ITS THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE. I am so DONE with watching my fav idols play with babies and not expect me to die. WHERE IS MY CHAN WHO'LL GIVE MR A BABY HUH? anyways enjoy my very drunken headcannons

Bang Christopher Chan

DID I JUST HEAR BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

This man was born to be a dad istg

He'd be so amazing when you're pregnant, like he'd ask his mom for advice, give you belly rubs if your ask and will willingly lend his entire closet to you.

Would be so supportive through the birth process, is not disgusted or anything because he is him.

"She looks just like you."

Would be just a teensy bit overprotective, just a teensy bit.

"And you will bring her back by 7 yes? Oh and what's your address for unrelated purposes?"

*sends the address to Minho incase he needs to murder anyone*

Would be so comforting when she gets her period

"you know I used to do this to your mother.", While massaging her back.

The baby would grow up multilingual and Chan would be so smug about it

"my daughter is my second producer

Lee Minho/Lee Know

Would have such mixed emotions when you tell him you're pregnant

On the one hand A PERSON MADE UP OF BOTH OF YOU? WOAH

On the other hand OH SHIT A PERSON WHO HAS BOTH OUR GENES

Cooks all your weird ass cravings for you but not before giving you a side eye

"Alright y'all are gonna get a sibling." *Is talking to the cats*

Buys everything cat themed

"baby what if the baby is a dog person?"

Y'all have twins, a boy and a girl (manifesting my twin dad Minho fantasies)

Would dance for them when they're babies and would get elated when they try to copy him

Pouts when their first word is mama

Brags so much about them

"I mean they are MY spawn, obviously they're better at dance than your kid, Susan"

Seo Changbin

GIRL DAD GIRL DAD GIRL DAD

So elated when you tell him you're pregnant

PREGNANT CUDDLES KZKSNSNJ

Would be a 100% on board with lifting your belly to save your back

When you find out it's a girl, he straight on sobs.

"I CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER PAIR OF ADORABLE YN EYES LOOKING AT ME"

Holds the baby extra carefully in his buff ass arms

She looks like you part 2

Tea parties with her are serious buisness for him

"jagi can't you see im currently discussing with the princess about her magical dragon I'll do the dishes later."

Would probably ask her if she wants to go to the gym with her dad and when she says yes he'd be so happy

"you're better than your mother she can't even lift her ass up and go to the gym"

Hwang Hyunjin

When I say this man would paint you a portrait when you tell him you're pregnant-

HE'LL PAINT YOU A FUCKING PORTRAIT

So sweet with you all throughout but also a nervous wreck

Much like me

Would love to paint your belly if you allow him to

Would try your weird cravings with you

And actually like them

Let's not pretend like Hyun doesn't do the pregnant woman pose everyday

Cries so hard when your baby is born

He doesn't mind the gender or anything, but when he found out it's a girl-

"GUYS ITS A MINI Y/N"

She looks like you part 3

Such a clumsy mess when it comes to taking care of her

ART CLASSES ART CLASSES ART CLASSES

"Darling, we painted this for you."

Han Jisung

Immediately freezes when you tell him

Jisung.exe has stopped working

"wait so the protection didn't.... Protect?"

Now Y/N.exe has stopped working trying to figure out whether you actually used protection or not

Talks to your belly all day

Treats the baby like a gossip partner

"girl you won't believe what Hyunjin did today."

"what did he do?"

"yn shush I'm talking to our baby girl."

Is your personal high school cheerleader during the birth

"jagi you are slaying right now you can do this."

Cries when baby is born part 3

Calls her a co-producer part 2

Spoils her shitless

She has him wrapped around her finger, much like her mother :)

Making playlists with her is his love language

Lee Felix Yongbok

Did I just hear breeding kink

Cries when you tell him

Bakes so many brownies when you tell him like one time that you're craving his brownies

Makes your weird cravings part 3

Idk what it is with me and DanceRacha making all your weird cravings

Runs you baths, with bath salts, bath bombs, scented candles and massages your aching muscles I WILL DIE RIGHT NOW

Is the best during the birth, holds your hand allowing you to squeeze it as hard as you want

Dresses baby up like the fashionista she is

Is so amazed and ecstatic when the baby gets an Aussie accent

"JAGI SHE JUST SAID BREKKIE"

Kim Seungmin

Tsundere daddy meow

Will literally melt like his face will be like 🥺

Buys all the cute stuff on day one

I'm talking cradles, blinkies, toys, bonnets for some reason

"of course she needs a ponyo outfit darling come on"

Tones down his teasing a bit

Still makes fun of your penguin walk tho

And if you cry, he will comfort you and never forgive himself for it

Is kinda disgusted by the birth process but he's a strong soldier

Cries when baby is born part 4

Like Kim Seungmin crying is a real thing chat

Singing lessons are free for her, and she has her dad's angel voice!!

Also inherits her dad's roasting style, and she's the only one who can roast him back hehe

He kinda died inside when she told him he was old (he's never been prouder)

Yang Jeongin/ I.N

Bruh this guy istg

Mixed emotions part 2

"IM TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A CHILD"

Calms down eventually (after a slap on the head)

BELLY RUBS

Spoils the shit out of you because obviously

Asks his mum for advice part 2

Sings to your belly at night when he thinks you're asleep

Secretly hopes baby will have his dimple

He loves kids, so parenting is a natural thing that comes to him

Probably more experienced at holding a baby than you are

Feeds her for the first few days when you're tired

Perfect husband honestly he should marry me

Loves braiding her hair and giving her fashion advice

Mini fashion shows!!!

Dances with her a lot

[starrieisdelusional]

modern arthur in camelot based on this post

for context: this arthur is from the 21th century who hijacked arthur's body from 500 AC camelot (he is a reincarnation of arthur who lives in modern britain but has no memories of his past life and he's lowkey kinda crazy)

Arthur's first time seeing everything

Morgana

21th-Arthur: hey is that morgana? ew what's with the hair?? she looks like a hobo in mourning. wait why are the guards stopping her??? OH MY GOD IS HE DEAD!?!?!? Merlin: no time to explain arthur we've got to get you out of here!! * (Merlin got knocked back by a spell) 21th-Arthur: Holy fuck are you okay!?!?!??! Morgana: Hello baby brother. 21th-Arthur: HOLY SHIT!!!...wait on a closer look you lowkey slayed, it's giving morticia- YEOWCH! Morgana: ...what's wrong with him? Merlin: oh you know, the usual

Merlin

21th-Arthur: ugh my head feels like a bitch...whoa Merlin: arthur??? are you okay??? 21th-Arthur: ...when did you get buff? Merlin: what? ugh nevermind, quick! we need to get to gaius! we need to get you checked up! who knows what side effects...what are you doing 21th-Arthur: (starts feeling merlin's arm and sinks his head to merlin's chest) huh why does this feels so real?? anyways where are we is this some kind of cosplay event or something? Merlin: oh no...

Gwen

21th-Arthur: is that gwen? Merlin: hm? yeah you married her, she's your queen 21th-Arthur: huh...what about my father? Merlin: ...dead 21th-Arthur: ...so is there like a divorce office or something???? * Merlin: you're insane 21th-Arthur: no i'm not Merlin: (chained on a chair) you can't marry me arthur!! you're cheating on gwen! 21th-Arthur: *scoffs* polygamy's a thing merlin. besides, i'm pretty sure a king is alowed to have multiwives and husbands, carry on please!! Temporary wedding officiant: a-are you sure king arthur- 21th-Arthur: for the hundredth time yes!! unless.... *gasp* you want me to send you to jail!!!??? Temporary wedding officiant: ..????? 21th-Arthur: i meant the dungeons Temporary wedding officiant: no please!! not the dungeons!!!

Meanwhile on the other end of time in the 21th century

500AC-Arthur: (on a therapy chair) i mean...i don't get it....when did it all go wrong??? Merlin: there, there, would you like more tissue? 500AC-Arthur: yes please...(sniffs) after this...can i bathe with hot water again...? Merlin: yes of course, anything for you my dear (pats his head)

for @theroundbartable : hi, i can't stop thinking about your au lmao, so this is a list of conversations that i've made between them. but i changed it a bit to reflect my comment in your post!!! ^^

[the-froschamethyst4]

A Player Knows Game

𖤐Pairing: Husband! Soap x Wife! Reader

𖤐Pronouns: She/Her

𖤐Warnings: fluff, angst, mention of sex, strong language, disrespectful teenager, married couple, arguing, underage smoking and underage drinking,

𖤐Summary: Soap and Y/n's teenage son Ryker is becoming a bit disrespectful to his parents and Soap wants to put a stop to his disrespectful antics

————

————

11:00PM

"I'm so tired," Y/n, the wife of Soap yawns.

"I know...I am too, and we can't sleep because of him and his midnight antics," Soap's eye twitched in annoyance, it's almost every night now, Ryker has brought a new girl home to fuck.

He thinks his parents are asleep but in reality they can't sleep when their son's bed frame is hitting the wall and some girls were fucking loud.

Y/n rubs her tired eyes and Soap held her to his chest, he looks down and sees that Y/n looked so tired, she had work tomorrow, and a important meeting as well.

"Okay, that's it!" Soap moves off the bed and put on some sweatpants.

"Johnny? What are you doing?" She gets off the bed and holds his arm.

"Going to put a fucking stop to this, this is almost every fucking night now, I'm tired, you're tired, I'm done, this fucking stops," he quickly and forcefully opens the master bedroom door and goes to his sons door which just a few steps away.

He knocks on his sons bedroom door, he hears rustling inside and some chuckling and giggling around in the bedroom, making Soap a little more angry.

Soon, the door opens and Ryker was face-to-face with an angry dad and a worried mother.

"What?" Ryker sounded annoyed.

"What's what, is that your mother and I are trying to sleep and we can't when you are in here making so much fucking noise," Soap says.

"We're...just having fun," Ryker raised his eyebrows and looked at Soap and Y/n.

"Too much fucking fun, Miss grab your shit and leave my house," Soap says, looking at the girl on Ryker's bed holding his blanket to her bare chest.

"Whatever," she rolls her eyes and starts grabbing her clothes as Ryker and Soap were just having a pissed off staring contest with each other. The girl walks between Soap and Ryker and left without saying another word to either of them.

"John," Y/n grabs at her husband's buff and veiny arm.

"Next time you want to have your so-called 'fun' fucking do it somewhere else, not in my house," Soap didn't care if his son was having sex as long as his son was protected but he hates hearing it almost every fucking day.

Soap and Y/n head back to their bedroom and Y/n fell on her side of the bed and passed out almost immediately as Soap leans against the headboard of the bed and soon fell asleep.

-----------

Ryker lays on his bed looking at his phone his LED lights in the color red as he was shirtless and was texting the girl he was just with.

Kenzie: *What a buzzkill*

Ryker: *Yeah, they fucking suck, they never cared before and now all of a sudden they care, it's fucking annoying* *Anyways, do you want to go to Echoes and do it there?*

Echoes was a rec-bar that people Ryker's age went to, to play games, bowl, smoke, drinking and even do it in the bathrooms. The owner of Echoes didn't care what people did in his bar, it's basically run by teenagers.

Kenzie: *I don't know, maybe*

Ryker: *I have to know before I move to the next girl*

Yeah, Ryker is a fucking player or fuckboy which ever you prefer and basically has a LIST of girls he wants to fuck, or who asked to be fucked by him.

Kenzie: *No, move on, idc*

Ryker: *Ok*

----------

9:39AM

Soap had woken up to the sound of his son blasting music, he rubs his tired eyes and looks to see no Y/n next to him, she must've left for the day.

Soap groans and get out of bed, pulling his bedroom door open and walk down the hall seeing his sons bedroom door wide open and he was moving around his bedroom as Soap walked passed his bedroom.

Ryker has gotten to the point where he's disrespecting Soap and Soap's house rules. Y/n is usually busy with work that she doesn't know much that's happening with Soap and Ryker.

Soap and Ryker use to do everything together, fishing, camping, going to sports games, but once Ryker reached High School that all went out the window and Ryker became a fuckboy.

Soap wonders how it happened. If he's hanging out with the wrong group of friends, but Soap met all his friends and they all seem pretty cool, none are disrespectful and respect both Soap and Y/n.

Soap fixed himself some coffee and walked to the front door seeing the newspaper at the front door. Soap doesn't know why they still get the newspaper, he has TV and a phone that gives him the News.

"I'm heading out!" Ryker says, basically pushing passed Soap, almost making Soap spill his coffee.

"RYKER!" Soap yells, and Soap watched Ryker walk halfway down the driveway. Soap puts his arms in the air and walks back inside the house.

----------

Ryker walks to his friends house opening the door and walking inside.

"RYKER'S HERE!!" Ryker announces himself to his friends, who all yell and Ryker plops himself on the couch as his friend Zion passed him a joint.

"How was Kenzie?"

"Dude, didn't even get to finish because of my old man."

"Really!?"

"Hell yeah, dude," Ryker talked shit about Soap, Ryker didn't care.

"But didn't she feel good though?"

"Oh fuck yeah dude. I was all over that shit, but again, I didn't even fucking finish because of my dickhead of a father."

---------

1:00PM

Soap yawns and looks at the TV it was noon and Ryker was still at Zion's as far as Soap knew at least. The front door opened revealing Ryker. He places his bag by the front door and walks in.

"You reek of weed," Soap says.

"What you going to tell mom?" Ryker snickers.

"Ryker. I don't fucking know what has gotten into you, but you are not the son I fucking raised."

"Yes, it fucking is," Ryker says.

"I didn't raise you, to drink and smoke at a young age, I didn't teach you to have sex at 16, are you even protecting yourself? I don't know because you are not talking to me...you use to tell me...everything, Ryker...what the fuck happened?"

"I grew up," Ryker says before walking upstairs to his bedroom and Soap hears the bedroom door slam shut.

----------

3:16PM

Soap places his head in his hands and he hears the front door open.

"I'm home!" Y/n says. Soap lifts his head up and Y/n made eye contact with a red eyed Soap. "Soap? What's wrong?" Y/n drops everything and walks to him, taking his head and holding him closer to her chest.

"I feel like I failed as a father...I failed my son...I failed you."

"You didn't fail me or Ryker."

"Angel, you don't understand."

"What do I not understand?" She asked him, looking down at him.

"I raised my son to be respectful to anyone and everyone...and he turned into a fuckboy...and he's disrespectful to us...what did I do wrong?"

"You did nothing wrong, John. You did your absolute best as a father...he's...he's just hitting a phase where if he's disrespectful he'll get friends, he's still your little boy."

"He's not a baby anymore, angel...he's a teenager..."

Only if Soap knew that Ryker heard everything. Ryker was around the corner before heading to the living room, he stops when hearing Soap's breaking voice and his moms soft voice trying to comfort him.

-----------

5:00PM

"Mom...do you want help with dinner?" Ryker had come downstairs seeing his mom get ready for dinner.

"If you want to peel the potatoes. Your father usually does it for me."

"Where's he?"

"Bed, he's taking a nap...he's a little stressed right now," she says. Ryker has a feeling on why he may be stressed.

"Dad's pissed at me."

"Ryker-"

"I know, I'm sorry."

"No...your father told me what's going on...why are you doing this?"

"I don't know, mom...it was like a switch when I stepped in High School. Guess it was all those Disney shows that show when you're in High School you have to be a badass to get by."

"Be serious, Ryker..."

"I don't know, mom."

"Where you afraid you might not be liked?" Ryker just shrugs. "Your father has done so much for you and I, I hope you know that."

"I do, mom...I know..." Ryker placed all the peeled potatoes on a napkin and moved them to the stove and plopped them in a boiling pot.

Ryker watched his mom make dinner and he leans on the counter rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm sorry for keeping you both up last night."

"It's okay, Ryker." She smiles at her son and kissed his temple.

"Mom, I'm too old for kisses."

"You will love my kisses rather you like them or not," she starts kissing all over his face making him laugh and her laugh as well. Soap watched from a distance as Ryker was smiling, a smile he hasn't seen in a long time.

Soap steps closer to Y/n and his son. Y/n smiles up at Soap and kissed his lips before he looks at Ryker and rubs his fluffy hair.

"I'm sorry."

"I know, you are."

"You McTavish boys are so emotional," Y/n jokes.

"Whatever," John then attacks Y/n with kisses. Ryker watched as his parents showed their love to each other.

---------

Next Day (12:00PM)

Zion: *Yo, you coming over? Lily, Avery, and Winter are coming over, you wanna round?* *Hello?* *Dude?* *Earth* *To* *Ryker?*

Ryker hears his phone blowing up by Zion. Ryker looks at the messages and turns his phone to 'Do Not Disturb' him and Soap were at the lake. Do a long do fishing trip.

"This is nice," Soap says.

"Oh yeah," Ryker says.

"This is fun...later do you want food?" Soap asked.

"Yep," Ryker says popping the 'p'.

"We'll see what you mom wants after this."

"Okay."

[eliecasa]

summary: reader see’s a man spank a box on tiktok & it awakens a monster

warnings: minors i know I said I wouldn’t but we all lie as humans. this is one of those times where you mustn’t interact, plss ( contains these mentions: asphyxiation, verbal, and spanking kinks ) the reader is mentioned to have a vagina.

wrdcnt: 2K

inspo

A small huff of frustration pushed from your nostrils as you’re once again opening your eyes to stare out into the rainy darkness of the night. The sight is usually lovely and heart-warming as it was Simon’s wish to live somewhere with nature all the while staying a generous 20 minutes away from the city. It’s quiet here but there’s a memory that echoes loud and vibrantly in the back of your mind.

Simon sat still, sleeping as quiet as a mouse as you squeezed your eyes shut and subtly rubbed your thighs together. If you’d never downloaded tiktok, you’ll probably be sound asleep and dreaming of a dog handing you something as strange as a sweater with your own face sewn into it. Soap suggested that it be a good idea to keep a good balance of humor and seriousness since Simon would be left alone to tease you without anyone else jumping in to defend you, and the only way to do that was to give in and download the god-forsaken TikTok app.

Oh how you wish you’d never listened to him.

The first thing you’re greeted with is a video of a buff man underhand smacking a box to fit evenly with the others atop and below it. It came immensely loud from your headphones and caused a barely-audible yelp to part your lips. Your first thought was to get out of there so, you did… by scrolling one video down as Simon came over from the kitchen and asked what was wrong. And of course, having lacked a good answer, you merely waved him off and cleared your throat, saying that your headphones were accidentally turned to maximum volume.

He squinted those dark and suspicious eyes before humming and going back to make dinner- which was the deal for an old bet that he lost. Anyway, you’re instantly back on the video and fluttering with little butterflies of heat and embarrassment… that was until you opened the comments and saw that everyone else was thinking the same. Even married people were saying things such as “I try to get my husband to do this but he doesn’t know manual labor too well” which tickled you a little bit.

Though you were laughing at the time, you found yourself staring at Simon’s hands a bit longer than usual as the two of you ate dinner together. Don’t be mistaken, Simon had done nearly everything you desired with those strong pair of hands but still, that new seed planted in your head was quickly taking over and growing vines up and down the walls of your busy mind.

“What’s on your mind?” He said after watching you daydream for five minutes. It almost seems deliberate as he moved to hide his hands underneath the table. Classic Mr. RIley.

“...Nothin’,” you shrugged, connecting your gaze before promptly taking a good chunk of spanish rice.

Simon paused and did that empty stare where he kinda just assessed you before going back to whatever business he was originally doing. The judgemental gaze causes the slightest of shame to boil your skin as you roll your eyes. He’s your husband and has seen and touched every nook and cranny of your body and for some reason, you don’t want to tell him what’s bothering you.

Fast forward back into the present. The fluffy white comforter seems to get unbearably hot just as the heat radiating from Simon does. Sex and experiment is no taboo between the two of you and your coyness was just overall pitiful, however, that small little angel in your head keeps saying “Well, you have to really ask yourself if he’s the type to wound his loving spouse” while the devil said “Tell him to throw you over his lap and spank you like that goddamn cardboard!”

Again, you rub your thighs together. Maybe your mind was turning into one of those awful hormone monsters from a show that shall not be named. A small sound of anger escaped your mouth as you try to clear your mind, knowing that Simon would get woken–

“Having a strop, are ya’?” His heavy voice felt heavy and trapping as you knew that this was the most reasonable time to just get it over with.

Almost too quickly, you flip in his arms and lock eyes with him. Well, he was still waking up but your patience led you to gently pinch various areas of his face before he’s basically stretching his neck to be freed.

“Fuckin’ stop will ya?”

“Why haven’t you ever gotten rough with me?”

In the moonlight that shows through your windows, you can see the way that Simon’s face bunches into one handsome twist of confusion and tiredness. His eyes slowly open to look at the ceiling before he turns his head and stares dead into your eyes.

“What do you mean?”

Your right hand moved back a couple of inches and came back to gently slap him as his face remained cradled in your hands. A small chuckle escapes him before he pinches your thigh.

“Why’re you kicking my ass instead of explaining–”

“I obviously mean- like during sex,” you spoke with the tiniest amount of annoyance in your voice as the sexual frustration was beginning to plague.

The hand on your thigh rested as his face relaxed.

“I do… it was your idea to get into the choking thing-”

“No! I mean- yes that but why don’t you ever hit me?”

He seems to relax into the pillows a bit more as his eyes darted back to the white and plain ceiling. Simon was taking a moment to actually think if he’s never done such since it seems like a problem that could have been bothering you for who knows how long. Maybe you were doing that classic tactic of trying to alter his memory for your own benefit. There’s been multiple times where you’d lay on top of him and ask when was the last time he’d give you proper praise despite him clearly remembering it happening two days ago. He tilts his head, thinking of the past five months. The two of you had gotten into a couple new positions, areas to have sex, as well as experimenting with verbal kinks. Not to mention that asphyxiation kink that appeared to stay and make an appearance during each session.

“Simon!”

“I know, I know… just making sure you aren’t lying,” he said, casually sitting up to turn on the blinding light next to the bed. You try not to grab him as he moves from over you to settle back and rub his eyes.

“What needs to be done to get you sound, eh?”

A lightning bolt strikes as you pretend to think as if Apollo was saying “Don’t you dare waste that man's time, Y/N.”

So, instead of pissing anyone off, you decide you sit on your knees and face Simon with your chin up and your shirt covering your sweaty palms that were hidden underneath the oversized fabric. You’re ex-military and you’re especially all but a coward. Simon Riley will not stop you from reaching your dreams.

“I want you to start…” your lips twist in the slightest as you try to find the right words just to settle on “spanking me…”

He tries not to seem surprised but the smallest raise of his eyebrows gave it all away.

“Today,” you finish, almost coming off stern and unmovable.

Many would disagree with this but you could say that Simon had very telling eyes and right now, he was not only questioning just how freaky you were as well as how much of a possible masochist you were underneath that loving and soothing base of your personality. The asphyxiation thing was brought up during sex so he couldn’t really so no to you in the heat of the moment but now you’ve caught him fresh out of an innocent sleep.

“Are you… sure?--”

“Simon,” you dare, looking away for a second before shaking your head at his timidness.

He wasn’t following the script; you’d admit that you wanted to be spanked and he would pat his lap and get to work. That’s how it was supposed to go! However, Simon wanted to play the long game and see how long he could drag this until the sun began to rise.

“Why didn’t you say this instead of staring at my hands the entire meal?”

“Who the hell would just come out and say ‘Hey, mind hitting my ass when we fuck’?”

A small smile spreads his pink lips as his shoulders momentarily hunch.

“You’re not shy any other time.”

For the 800th time, your pupils roll to the back of your head. As you’re shaking your disappointed little head, you pause to see that the storm seems to calm down a bit, instead turning into a windless pour that wouldn’t wake anyone if they were sleeping. The silence left you no choice as Simon indeed began to follow the script written in your head.

“Guess we’d better get to trying before you’re all snappy then,” his heavy mancunian accent coming loudly as he stood up and stretched.

The movement caught your attention and glued it onto his strong thighs. Simon was a brief type of guy— which was honestly a bit surprising when you first discovered it. The soft fabric remained comfortably on his strong thighs that would soon have you stretched across them.

There’s a couple of heavy steps across the bedroom floor before he settled on the front of the bed and in front of the black screen of the television.

“Are you serious?” you purse your lips, crawling towards him as he looks at you from over his shoulder.

Instead of being verbal, he jerks his head to coax you over as a barely-noticeable smile squints his eyes.

And be damned; you were over there in no time. But instead of instantly giving you what you wanted, Simon couldn’t help but tease you a while longer. Only now do you wish he was a quick mover that despised roleplay. Your hips jump a little as two of his slightly-calloused fingers slid down the smooth and silk skin and dew of your cunt.

“Why the long face, doll?” He laughed, taking a glance at the way your lips and eyes were tightly closed shut.

“Do your thing, Simon,” you spoke quickly to muffle a sound of pleasure by covering your mouth and turning away from his eyes-view.

“I just wanted to feel you a little bit, no harm done,” he gently slapped your soppy cunt before lifting your shirt to bunch around the waist. Tonight, you were just wearing a normal pair of lace panties without the partner of a bra. Bras are vibe killers and the world could do without. Plus– it gives your lover easier access to rest or warm his hands when he’s bored.

Anticipation made the fabric become nearly insufferable as the room seemed to double in heat.

“Keep these on?”

You thought, looking at the shiny oak of your bedroom floor before giving him a muffled response.

“I don’t mind them staying on.”

As so, his ring finger released your panty and turned into a palm that smooths over the entirety of your plump ass. The feeling of Simon’s hands on your bum had often aroused you more than it probably should have. He’s never spanked you but he's grabbed it and caressed it as often as you allowed. The way he’d squeeze long enough to make it hurt had always brought out the bedroom hormones even though sometimes he would do it somewhere other than the comfort of your home. anything that made you feel like his was enough to keep it wet for hours.

“What are you waiting fo-AH!” you nearly turn into a flailing mess before your hands quickly resettled onto Simon’s strong thigh which was trembling with amusement.

For someone who was wary of hitting you, he’d come down really heavy handed. You’re a first-timer, it wouldn’t have killed him to at least warn you. However, the hot and stinging feeling is an arousal-multiplying sensation that has your mouth feeling a little numb and your adrenaline flowing.

Your eyes nearly comically blow wide as the two of you make eye-contact, Simon’s face being one of subdued delight as you gently pant out.

“Do. That. Again.”

[mybeautifulwifegojo]

fuck it, vampire au where Satoru was the brightest star of Japan's monster-hunting society and then he got turned by some rando and in a fit of rage killed him and nearly 200 civilians. For this unspeakable act Gojo Satoru was bound and gagged and sealed in a cave behind a waterfall that used to be a holy site.

400 years later, Sasaki and Iguchi have a semi-popular YouTube series about scary places in Japan, and Yuji is their Resident Skeptic who really does want to support his friends, but like. ain't no way there's ACTUALLY a demon sealed in that old cave that's been cordoned off since the 80s. no fucking way. but the three of them go in, Yuji taking point as usual, and find that the cave is.... way deeper than reported.

weird.

there's whispering in the dark, and strange scuttling noises, but nothing they can see. and nothing comes at them. there aren't even any spiders or bats in here--like animals won't come here.

...even weirder.

and then. just as Yuji is about to suggest turning back. the flashlight beam lands on a body that's been strung up, bound, sealed, and ritually drained of blood.

the body's eyes are open, and he's furious.

so anyway after Sasaki and Iguchi stop screaming, Yuji unties the guy because clearly something illegal happened here and holy shit the guy is so cold but he's still moving and breathing and talking??? it's a weird, old fashioned dialect but Yuji understands enough to convince the man to come with them to the hospital. the man seems weirdly fixated on Yuji, asking his name and who his parents are and if he's a "sorcerer", but really he has so many wounds and they're all dry and crusty and smell like rot and Yuji just really wants to make sure he's not dying.

as soon as they exit the cave, there's like five sorcerers already there ready to fight Satoru. he's weakened, now, surely they can kill him.

except Yuji is hurt trying to stop the violence, and Satoru gets a whiff of his blood, and knows.

"Heir of Sukuna, please forgive me for this."

Three drops of Yuji's blood is all Satoru needs to subdue the enemy.

Fast-forward three years, 18yo Yuji moves to Tokyo and gets a job in the kitchen of a incredibly fancy bathhouse (mostly for sorcerers and hunters but also a genuine business), because he brought kikufuku and hotpot he made at home for the interviewer and staff to try. Nobara, charged with showing him the ropes, asks how long he's been cooking; he tells her most of his teen years, but the kikufuku is because his wife has a sweet tooth and begs him to make it a lot.

"Wife?? Aren't you only eighteen??"

"Oh--yeah, we're not actually married yet. He just likes being called my wife, and I like being his husband. It makes it easier to wait for the law to change. Plus it's fun to introduce him as my wife because homophobes don't know what to do about a tall, buff dude enjoying being a housewife."

Nobara meets Yuji's wife that night. He is very tall and buff, and also clearly adores Yuji in a way that makes the fact that he's the legendary vampire Gojo Satoru slightly less horrifying. Like, it's very hard to imagine the man currently whining about not having a 'proper' garden anymore here in the city as covered in blood and viscera. Especially since he keeps swinging his and Yuji's clasped hands like a restless child and dropping absent kisses on Yuji's head, and Yuji is obviously so pleased by all these little displays of affection. It is sickening how cute these two are.

.......Nobara decides not to report Satoru's presence to the council yet. She has a very hard time believing this puppy-dog of a man is dangerous to humans.

(she's right. Satoru is utterly uninterested in hurting people, now that he's calmed down and learned that he only needs a few ounces of Yuji's blood once a month to stay alive. It does piss him off that monsters and other creatures of the night keep trying to seduce Yuji into following Sukuna's footsteps and becoming the prophesied Demon King who will destroy all of humanity. Who will make Satoru kikufuku if Yuji goes bad??? AND WHY DO ALL THESE OTHER VAMPIRES KEEP TRYING TO DRINK HIS HUSBAND'S BLOOD??????)

((Yuji just thinks it's funny that they keep trying, because Satoru is clearly the reason dead vampires keep turning up with "homewrecker" carved into their foreheads. when will they get the message that Yuji's a one-wife man?))

[berryhobii]

Late for Work: Clocked Out(jjk x reader)

Pairing: Husband!Gamer!Jungkook x black!female!reader

Word Count: 4K+

Warnings: Mentions of engagement, reader has a sister in this, mentions of wild hotel sex, Smut(18+ but I don’t control what you consume), oral(m receiving), multiple orgasms(m and f receiving), riding, reader’s knees are built Ford tough, like really, reader rides him like a professional, standing sex, standing doggystyle, strength kink, praise kink, spit kink, exhibitionism, voyeurism, mentions of past exhibitionism and voyeruism, idk if I’d refer to this as dubious consent but Taehyung and Jimin listen willingly to reader and JK having sex although they don’t outright consent to it, mentions of Jimin and his partner being voyeurs, reader has a thigh tattoo, reader is dark skinned

A/N: Hi! I’m back with Part 2 of my Gamer!Jungkook smut. This is really just straight horny, desperate sex🤣I contemplated just making this a sweet cockwarming scenario but then I thought….NAH. Reader and Jungkook are so I’m love and attracted to each other. I also included a little snippet of what I’m thinking of doing for a Jimin drabble. There aren’t enough stories about OC/Reader’s being voyeurs so I want to take a crack at it. It’ll probably be about Jimin/OC after listening to this couple’s escapades in Taehyung’s bathroom🤣🤣Next on my list is a Seokjin x roommate!reader, a Hoseok x Stripper!reader, and a Taehyung x NudeModel!reader. I also have an idea for an OT7 x Succubus!reader story where reader collects each member like infinity stones🤣. I actually want to attempt my first collab with that idea so if anyone wants to contribute, please reach out! Anyway, enjoy this! Criticism is always accepted. Stay safe💜

~

The only thing on your mind the entire time you were at work was Jungkook’s cock. You angrily ate your bagel in the car, trying to force down the throbbing between your legs. Stupid meeting! A few minutes more and you would have had that glorious cock right where you wanted it.

Letting your frustration out on your squishy steering wheel cover, you let out a deep sigh. You inhaled a few deep breaths, putting on your fake smile before stepping out of your car.

The meeting went pretty well. Your other coworkers covered for you until you got there. Jungkook’s cock wasn’t even on your mind once you got in front of that board to give your presentation.

Like always, you amazed them with your thoroughness and well thought out plan and it would be put into effect within the next few months.

“We’re going to lunch. You coming?” One of your coworkers asked.

You shook your head, politely declining. “No thanks. Jungkook made my lunch. I’m gonna call him.”

They let out some ‘oooo’s’, your eyes rolling but you couldn’t fight down the smile.

“I wish I had a buff tattooed husband to make my lunch.” One of them dreamily sighed to which they got nudged by someone else.

“You’re gay though.”

“So? I can still have straight thoughts.”

Spinning around in your desk chair, you pulled out your phone, tapping the screen to wake it up. A smile spread across your face at the photo on your lock screen. It was a selfie you took after Jungkook proposed—your lips locked in a kiss and your left hand raised to show off the rock on your finger. You remember that night so clearly. Your sister had come down from America to distract you for the entire day while Jungkook prepared the surprise. She randomly offered to do your hair and makeup, saying it was something she wanted to try for her small business. Of course, you thought nothing of it since you’ve helped her plenty of times. You still didn’t connect the dots when she told you to dress nice or when she loaded you into the car and drove you to an outdoors gazebo lit up by fairy lights and surrounded by your favorite flowers.

And there was Jungkook standing at the end, dressed to the nines and looking like the man of your dreams. You were too stunned to even move. Was this really happening? A gentle push from your sister moved your feet forward until you were standing before him, tears threatening to spill past your waterline.

“I can’t wait to see you walk down the aisle like that again but that time, with this on your finger.”

Then he got down on one knee, pulling out a velvet box and opening it, showing you the most gorgeous ring you’ve ever seen in your life.

That night was so magical. High off the endorphins and the overwhelming love you had for him, you two made passionate love all night, whispering your promises of the future on each other’s lips.

…..the room was so heavy with the scent of sex that you had to open all of the windows…..the hotel even charged you another cleaning fee because of how messy you left it.

Mhmm….

You clenched your thighs together, the memory igniting that flame back within you that you had managed to calm down.

Quickly unlocking your phone, you went to your FaceTime app, clicking the contact labeled “Mines💍🩷”. It rang twice before his face popped up on the screen. You were angled down which told you his phone was in his lap, both of his hands working on his game controller.

“Hey baby. Lunch time?”

You sighed, leaning on your palm. “Yeah. I just finished my presentation. Nailed it like always.”

He smiled. “I knew you would. You’ve been working really hard on it. I’m proud of you.”

His praise made you giggle, kicking your feet. “Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without your support. And my coworkers too. Anyway, what are you up to?”

“Playing some COD with Taehyung and Jimin. I was about to heat up some leftovers. Have you eaten your lunch yet? Ah! Come on, man!” His outburst made you smile, your eyes going to the veins in his arms that bulged with his movement. Those veins…….they bulged the same way whenever he’d choke you.

Looking around your office but finding no one around, you leaned closer to your phone to whisper, “baby…..I’m so horny.”

Your husband smirked, not taking his eyes off the television. Fucking tease….

“Oh yeah? Sounds like a problem for after work.”

Huffing, you said, “when I get home, you’re gonna get it.”

The smirk never dropped from his face. “I can’t wait.”

~

You were surprised the cops didn’t pull you over from how you were speeding home. Not even rush hour traffic could stop you from getting home. You weren’t even sure you were parked correctly but you couldn’t think about that now.

Rushing into your apartment building, you sped walked to the elevator, almost breaking the button from how hard you pressed it. Ugh! Aren’t elevators supposed to be faster than stairs? You would take the stairs but you didn’t want to tire your legs out right now. That was for later.

Why is it that when you were in a rush, unlocking your door became harder than trying to sleep after fresh braids?

You finally got the code right, throwing the door open and entering your apartment. You didn’t even remove your heels, tossing your bag on the table next to the door before rushing into the living room where your husband was sitting.

He heard the slam of the door but didn’t move. This was gonna be fun.

He didn’t greet you like he always did, not wanting his friends to know you were home. He just glanced back at you before turning his attention back to the screen

You rounded the couch to stand next to him. Your eyes took in his relaxed frame—he was manspreading(because why wouldn’t he be?)in a pair of shorts and still no shirt. His hair was pushed back with a hair band and looked slightly damp, telling you he had showered after you left. Probably a cold one.

He was wearing his headset too, one side pushed behind his ear. That told you he was definitely playing online with his friends. Normally, you’d convince him to stop playing so that you could have your way with him. You just didn’t really like the idea of Jungkook’s friends hearing you two get it on. Ironic considering you two have fucked in both of his friend’s houses before with them just a room away but that was different! This would be intentionally not trying to hide it. Could you live with that inevitable awkwardness afterwards?

Eh. You’ve sat through worse. Nothing would ever be as awkward as that day when your cousin aired out all of the family business a few thanksgivings ago. Even you spit out your lemonade at hearing that your aunt was lying about who her eldest son’s daddy was. Needless to say, family functions are now a thing of the past.

Toxic family aside, there was someone way less toxic looking delectable below you and you weren’t about to waste the opportunity. Taehyung and Jimin would get over it.

Stepping over his legs, you nestled yourself between his knees, pushing his hands that were settled over his crotch out of the way.

You’d wipe that cheeky smirk off his face.

Grabbing at the band of his shorts, you didn’t even need his help to yank them down, a sudden burst of strength coursing through your veins. His cock was already half hard, the cold air brushing against him making him shiver.

You didn’t even bother trying to stroke him to hardness, leaning forward to engulf his cock in your mouth. You weren’t even trying to get him to cum off head, you just wanted him hard before you rode him until his pelvis collapsed.

You felt his thighs tense under your hands, his own hands still working over his controller that he had moved to hold against his chest. The sound of gunshots and the dialogue of his video game didn’t sound nearly as loud as the sound of his cock hitting the back of your throat. Drool seeped out of the sides of your mouth, dripping down to his balls.

He covered a moan with a cough when you took him all the way to the hilt. Fuck, your mouth felt amazing. He was actually surprised you dropped to your knees when you knew he was online. Then again, he bent you over Taehyung’s bathroom sink less than 2 weeks ago so exhibitionism wasn’t completely off the table for you two. He also knew you hated orgasm denial more than anything unless in an intimate setting. You must have been fuming in the car. He knew from the moment you sent him that “on my way” text that you were going to pounce him. He loved how much you wanted him all the time. It made him feel so loved. And he loved you with everything he had.

You were it for him. He wanted to be with you forever—just basking in your affection and creating some of his happiest memories with you.

The sex was a plus too.

At a harsh suck, he tossed his head back, accidentally letting out a groan.

“You good, man? Stub your toe again?” Taehyung joked.

Jungkook cleared his throat. “Yeah. This coffee table sucks.” He looked down at you, your eyes already focused on him. He had to bite his lip just to prevent another moan from slipping—your eyes were watering, mascara smudging at the edges, mouth stretched around his girth.

You were a dream.

Pulling off his cock, you inhaled a deep breath. Now it was slicked with your spit, pulsing and rock hard. Just how you liked it.

Standing to your feet, you kicked off your heels while lifting your skirt to yank your panties off.

Jungkook watched you with hungry eyes, the tattoo that spread across your thigh making him wanting to sink his teeth into the fat. Maybe later. He used one hand to push his shorts the rest of the way off, kicking them away.

Once your panties were out of the way, you moved back towards him. You pushed his hands out of the way, moving to straddle his lap. Your perfume invaded his senses, his own arousal beginning to overwhelm him. He just wanted to completely wrap himself in you like a blanket.

Reaching behind you, you grabbed his cock, pumping it a few times before lining it up with your clenching entrance.

He had to hold his breath when you began sliding down. You were absolutely soaked, walls feeling tighter than ever. You took in deep breaths, forcing your walls to relax to be able to take him in.

An airy moan came from you once he was fully inside, the curved shaft pressing right into that spot inside of you. You felt like you could cum just from this but that wouldn’t be as satisfying.

“What was that? You aren’t playing a game on your phone too, are you? I will never understand why you do that.” Jimin said with a sigh and Jungkook could picture him shaking his head.

“What are you even doing? You haven’t moved and they’re ambushing us!” Taehyung called.

Jungkook rolled his neck, blinking his eyes a few times to try and focus back on the screen but you were obscuring his view. And what a view you were.

Gripping the couch behind his shoulders, you began a fast pace on his lap, the meeting of your thighs against his lap sounding similar to the gunshots on the television. He quickly disabled his mic, tossing his head back to let out the loudest moan ever. You were right there with him.

“Fuck.” He cursed, abandoning his controller to grip the fat of your ass. He couldn’t even think about this video game right now or the fact that his kill streak was tanking. The way your walls were hugging his cock were driving him crazy. To be honest, he was feeling desperate ever since you left the house. He had to take a cold shower just to will his erection away. He could have jerked off but why would he when he had you? He could suffer for a few hours if it meant you’d come home and ride his dick like this.

One of your hands went to hold the back of his neck, pulling him closer. “I love this cock so fucking much. I’ve been wanting it all day.” You growled in his ear, slamming down on him harder when you felt him land a slap to your ass.

“Yeah?” He breathily said and you could hear that stupid smirk in his voice. “T-then ride it.” Any other time, you would have teased how he stuttered but with your orgasm just a hairs width away, you ignored it. You’d tease him later.

Adjusting yourself until you were balanced on your feet, you began to throw your ass back on his cock—lifting yourself until just the tip was inside and then taking him right back in.

“Jungkook! Jungkook! Where are you? We’re losing!”

“Bro! Throw a grenade or something!”

He ignored the call of his friends, controller long abandoned on the floor, both hands now on your hips to give you help you didn’t need. If anything, it was more to ground himself. Sweat rolled down the back of his neck, the AC doing nothing to cool down his hot skin. The hand at the back of his neck felt like fire, your nails digging into his nape.

You yanked his head back, your own blurry eyes meeting his. His eyelashes fluttered, trying to stay open—he felt so close, like he was about to combust.

He looked so sexy like this; sweaty and breathless, mouth dropped open and eyes unfocused. His neck and chest were splotched in red, chest heaving from exertion.

You could eat him up.

Leaning forward, you latched onto that spot on the side of his neck, biting and sucking at it until a purple marked formed.

“I’m cumming, baby. Gonna cum all over your cock….” You whispered against his throat, that band that’s already been tight the entire day finally about to snap.

Your walls squeezed around him so tightly that it almost hurt, your juices dripping down his shaft and there was no doubt the couch would need to be cleaned.

One of his hands left your hips to wrap around your throat, dark eyes staring directly into yours. His gaze, along with the pressure of his hand squeezing your neck made that band snap, your orgasm hitting you harder than Chicago air in the winter.

Even so, you didn’t stop bouncing on his cock, wanting more and more. Your nails dug into his neck and the couch, mouth dropping open as your eyes rolled in your head. The pleasure traveled up your back and to the tips of your toes, your clit meeting his pelvis with every bounce, the bundle of nerves feeling a thousand times more sensitive than usual.

Jungkook wasn’t too far behind you.

“Oh my god. I’m cumming.”

You continued your pace, ass starting to hurt from where it connected with his thighs but the pain only pushed you harder.

“Fill me up, baby. Give it to me.” A little smile spread across your face, purposefully clenching your walls around him to milk him of his orgasm. Your ran your fingers through his hair, pushing his hairband and headset off until they were just hanging around his neck.

His eyes closed, his orgasm finally washing over him. Both the hand on your throat and the one on your hip gripping you tightly. The lack of air pushed you right into another orgasm, this one just as powerful as your first. Your legs shook from the force, your bounces slowing to a stop and your knees meeting the cushions of the couch.

Jungkook groaned, finally opening his eyes. “Did you just cum again?”

A new surge of energy rushed over him, the urge to cum again clouding him. Reaching for your blouse, he ripped it open, the buttons popping off.

“Jungkook!” You squealed but he ignored you, pulling the insulting fabric off your arms and tossing it on the floor. That left you in your bra, the cups holding the fullness of your breasts in the best of ways. His hands went to the latch on your back, undoing it with practiced ease. You helped him remove it, your nipples hardening once the cool air hit them. You also took his headset off his neck, placing it on the couch next to you.

He cupped both of them in his hands, squishing them together. He hummed, burying his face in the soft flesh and motor boating you. You giggled at his antics, running your fingers through his hair.

“I love these.” He sucked both of your nipples into his mouth, a shiver going down your spine. “You’re so sexy.” He nipped and licked at the supple skin, sucking at it harshly so he could see the bruises against your dark skin.

You began moving your hips against him again, humming as slight overstimulation melted back into pleasure.

“Feels so good. I love your cock.”

“I know you do. You’re gripping me so tight.” He murmured against your nipples, his eyes lifting to look at you.

Your legs felt a bit weak so all you could manage was a gentle bounce but that wasn’t enough for Jungkook right now.

Abandoning your breasts, he moved to grip at your ass again, helping you move back and forth on his cock. Your back arched, chest pressing closer to his face, his mouth still licking at your nipples.

You moaned as his shaft stroked at your walls, your cunt feeling sensitive but you still wanted more.

“Baby….more.”

Grabbing you by your ass, he hauled you up and stood to his feet. Your arms went around his shoulders, legs draped over his elbows.

Now this was your absolute favorite position. His cock hit you in all the right spots like this and the display of strength made you wetter than ever.

“Ready?” He asked.

You hugged him tighter. “Fuck me, baby.”

Getting a good grip on your ass, he began fucking you back and forth on his cock, this position causing the head of his cock to read even deeper inside of you. The pace he set was brutal, his own hips moving to meet you, fingers digging harshly into your ass.

“Oooooo….fffff-shit! Jungkook!” Your nails dug into his shoulders, toes curling at the euphoric pleasure.

“That’s right. Say my name. Whose fucking pussy is this?” His gruff voice growled in your ear. You moaned his name, syllables slurring together as your brain turned to mush. You were so close again already.

“Fuck! This fucking pussy is so good.” He tossed his head back, moving you harder against him, your walls trying to suck him back in with every thrust.

Your legs dangled uselessly over his arms, head lolling weakly against his shoulder. He could feel drool wetting his shoulder. It gave him a boost of confidence. Let him know he was fucking you stupid, just how he liked it.

“I’m cumming again.” You warned breathlessly, your hot breath blowing over his neck.

He didn’t need you to announce that, already feeling your walls tighten around him.

“Do it. Cum on my cock, princess.” As if his words were a trigger to your body, you came around him, letting out a high whine. “Good girl.”

He slowed his hips to a stop, ignoring your whine of discontent. He lowered your legs to the ground, holding you up when your knees buckled.

“Turn around.” He said but didn’t really wait for you to follow, flipping you around himself. Placing a hand on the back of your neck, he bent you at the waist, kicking your legs apart. You reached up to place your hand over his, the other going to your knee.

He pumped his cock a few times, lining himself up with your entrance and pushing inside. You sighed.

Grabbing your skirt that was still around your waist and keeping the other hand on the back of your neck, he began moving his hips. Your head dropped forward, nails digging into your own skin as his cock bullied your walls.

“Oh my god, yes baby. Harder.” You moaned.

He obliged, moving his other hand to your shoulder and beginning to piston his hips in and out of you. His eyes were mesmerized by how your ass rippled against his pelvis. He could feel that pressure building in his lower tummy again.

Using his grip on you, he pulled your upper body up until your back was pressed against his chest. His hand went back around your throat, using his fingers to turn your head to the side so that he could kiss you. Your hands went to grip at both sides of his hips, digging your nails there.

Mouth hanging open, you stuck out your tongue to silently ask for something you wanted.

And of course, he knew exactly what you needed.

Gathering saliva in his mouth, he spit directly on your tongue. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, swallowing his spit and then opening your mouth again to let out a scream. He could feel your walls gripping him so tight that he had to slow down.

“Fuck. You dirty slut. You like when I spit in your mouth?” He laid a slap on the side of your thigh. Splaying his hand across your belly, he forced his way through your clenching walls. He started his pace right back up, feeling himself get closer and closer.

You began throwing your ass back against him, bringing your hand down to rub at your clit. Your fingers paired with his hand around your throat, his cock jamming into your sweet spot and the rush from him spitting in your mouth propelled you right into the strongest orgasm of your life.

Your vision spotted black, ears ringing, and muscles seizing as hot white pleasure vibrated across your entire body. Your fingers didn’t stop against your clit, the pleasure never ending.

Jungkook was also right there again, gripping you tight enough to bruise, he buried himself to the hilt, stuffing you full of his cum.

He fell back against the couch, bringing you down with him. Your body felt like jelly, energy drained and eyelids threatening to fall closed.

You felt Jungkook kiss your neck. “You okay?”

“Perfect. That felt so good.”

“Was it worth the wait?” You felt him smile against your skin, massaging at your sore legs.

“So worth it. I should go to work horny more often.”

“I agree.” His hand sneakily went between your legs to slap at your clit. You jumped at the sensation, whining and pushing his hand away.

“Stop. You menace.” He chuckled but relented, going back to massaging your sore body.

You two sat in silence for a little while, just basking in the afterglow and falling into a light doze. Jungkook forced himself to stay away, knowing he had to haul both of you to the bath.

He looked up at the television, realizing his game was still on. The screen told him that he was still online, just in the waiting room for another round.

Wait a second….

He reached for his headset on the couch, flipping it over, eyes widening at the green light that told him his mic was on. You must have accidentally turned it back on when you took it off him. Then that meant…..

Putting it back on his head, he softly said, “hyung?”

“Dude, you and your wife are freaks.” Taehyung said, sounding a little breathless.

Jungkook rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you go offline? You didn’t have to listen.”

“Your wife has a spit kink? That’s hot.” That was Jimin.

“You too? I didn’t take you as a voyeur.” Jungkook joked. Yes he did. Even Jimin’s partner knew that. Jungkook’s heard one too many of Jimin’s drunken stories of him and his partner’s escapades.

“Oh yeah. Remember when you two fucked in Taehyung’s bathroom 2 weeks ago? My partner and I were walking by. It was hot.”

“Wait what? You did what in my bathroom?”

“I gotta go. Bye.”

“Jeon Jungkook!”

[em-harlsnow]

Something I’ve had in my mind for a while, so I did a little speed-write:

When he gets back from his therapist, Mickey’s on the couch with his laptop open in front of him.

He doesn’t make a big deal of anything, just looks up, smiles and asks how it went. Today it wasn’t too taxing, just one of the fortnightly appointments that they can afford now. Ian smiles back.

“It was okay.”

“Just okay?” Mickey looks up from the laptop, paying full attention.

He blows out a breath. “Yeah. It was fine, really. Nothing huge.” He says, because nothing huge was revealed, nothing huge was said. Therapy just takes a lot out of him energy-wise.

“Okay.” Mickey replies, placing a hand on his knee, squeezing, and then returns to the screen.

“What are you looking at?” Ian asks, trying to peak.

“That stupid shit you like. Pin Interest or whatever the fuck.”

Ian rolls his eyes. “You like it, Mick. And I know you know it’s called Pinterest.”

Mickey shrugs.

“So, what are you looking at on Pin Interest?” He smirks and Mickey snorts.

“Tattoo ideas. I was thinkin’ of getting another one.” Mickey’s gaze is laser focused as he scans through images, saving some and scowling at others as if they personally offend him.

Ian’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “Where do you want it?” He tries to picture his husband with more tattoos and very much likes the image. He likes his current ones too much to not want him to get more.

“I dunno, man. Some sleeves are cool. But they take ages to build up. Maybe just one on my shoulder to start.”

“That sounds good.” Ian tries to get closer, but he still can’t really see what Mickey’s looking at. “Can I see?” He asks, pointing at the device.

Mickey sighs like he’s the most annoying fucker on the planet, but he tilts the screen towards him anyway.

He can see now that Mickey’s searched up ‘black tattoo shoulder men’ and there are just piles on piles of buff men with shoulder tats.

“I like the snake one.” Mickey tells him, pointing at the picture he means. It’s a serpent winding around the top of the guy’s arm, tangling together and going down to the bottom of his bicep.

“Yeah, that one’s cool.” Ian agrees. “What about that one?” He points at one with a fine lined dragon reaching onto the guy’s peck.

“I guess, but I don’t want it too thin, you know? When they do it too intricate, the lines all blur together.” Ian hums in assent.

“Show me what you already have saved.”

Mickey clicks through the website, and Ian catches a glimpse of his pre-existing boards before he goes to the tattoo one. There’s one called ‘wedding’ and one called ‘apartment’ and one called ‘dope shit’. The cover photo of ‘dope shit’ is an aesthetic image of two beers and two cigarettes clasped in two hands. Ian’s not really surprised that this is what Mickey considers to be ‘dope shit’.

In the folder is a lot of similar things. Snakes, dragons, one cat with bat wings. One looks like a weird cross between a gun and a dagger. They’re all pretty hot, and Ian tells him about his favourites.

“I was thinkin’ of drawing it myself. I don’t wanna just copy what someone else has.”

“What did you do for this one?” Ian asks, grasping Mickey’s forearm.

“Drew it.” He explains simply, eyes not leaving the screen.

“Yeah? It’s good. You should draw the next one, too then.”

Mickey hums in agreement but continues to browse the website, probably looking for ideas.

Ian clicks on the TV, starting up an episode of New Girl while Mickey’s distracted.

They sit in peaceful silence for a while, until Mickey speaks again.

“There’s a tattoo place up the street. The reviews seem good. Don’t wanna go somewhere if they’ll just fuck it up.”

“That’s true.” Ian pauses. “If you’re getting one, I might get one too.”

Mickey raises his eyes brows in that expressive way of his. “You want a new tat? Fuckin’ copy cat.” He grumbles, but with the way he looks Ian up and down he can tell he’s not opposed.

“Yeah, been thinkin about it for a bit.”

“Oh yeah? What you thinkin, tough guy, I’ll look up some ideas.” Mickey suggests, already looking back at ‘Pin Interest’.

“Don’t worry, I already know what I want.”

When he doesn’t say more, Mickey huffs impatiently. “Gonna keep me waiting all night or what?”

Ian smirks and leans forward. “I was thinkin’ of an ‘MM’ tattoo, right here.” He tells him, pointing at a spot on the inside of his wrist.

Mickey looks surprised, and fond, and happy all at once. Even so, he tuts at him. “Tshc, you don’t have to do that just because I got your name.”

Ian rolls his eyes. “I fuckin’ know that, dork. I like the idea of having a more permanent thing than the rings.”

“Yeah, coz you keep fuckin’ losing your rings.”

“Well I’m sorry I don’t want it to fall down a drain or something, Mick.” He laughs, exasperated. “But a tattoo won’t fall down the drain.”

Mickey looks at him, and he’s so happy that Ian can’t help but wind their fingers together.

“You don’t want it to look like Mandy Milkovich, though. Gotta get my middle initial, too.”

“Wouldn’t her initials be ‘AM’? For Amanda?” Ian raises his eyebrows. Mickey scrunches his.

“Oh yeah.”

“You hate your middle name, anyway. And ‘MAM’ looks like I got something for my mum, I want this for you.”

“Yeah, you already got those titties for Monica.” Mickey jokes lightly and Ian pushes his side.

<3333

i might write a next part, where they actually go get them!

[tender-rosiey]

If you’re open for requests or suggestions, could you do Ushijima, Daichi and anyone else of your choice with a f!Reader who’s insecure due to society’s body standards? If that makes sense, sorry. I’ve been feeling really insecure lately because everyone’s either thick or really slim and they’re all pretty and fit in the standards whilst I don’t :(

“YOU’RE PULCHRITUDINOUS”

— ushijima, daichi, sakusa, atsumu, and oikawa comforting you

a/n: oop, this took some time; hello everyone <33 FEMALE READER BTW

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:

when he passed by your shared bedroom, he didn’t expect to see you looking dejectedly at the mirror and constantly squishing your stomach.

“y/n…?”

you jump, startled, “oh hey toshi! what’s up?”

he walks towards you, steps soft, “what’s wrong? is something bothering you? did someone do something?”

you smile and shake your head, “nope!” you pat his cheek lightly before giving it a kiss, “it’s nothing you need to worry about, my sweet and buff husband.”

“but as your husband, I need to make sure that you’re happy and comfortable,” he says, looking you straight in the eye, but his hand holding your own and rubbing your wedding ring.

you chuckle lightly, but it’s humorless, “it’s just…I haven’t been feeling the best in my body, it’s like I don’t fit in with what the world considers beautiful.”

“if the world doesn’t consider you beautiful then they are blind.”

you lightly punch his shoulder, “where did you learn to flirt like that?”

“y/n, I am serious.”

for some reason, no words come out of your mouth as you see your husband place your hand on his chest, where his heart is, “I don’t know if it helps, but I firmly believe that you’re beautiful in ways that can never be described in words.”

“oh ‘toshi,” you wrap your arms around him and hug tightly, “I love you, so much.”

a smile makes its way onto your face when you feel him smile slightly into your hair, “I love you too.”

“also, why are you wearing a pink apron?” you ask, a giggle escaping your lips and eyeing his ‘best husband’ apron he has on.

“I was trying to cook something for you,” he says, but looks down at this feet, discouraged.

“and?”

“it doesn’t look appetizing,” he sighs before looking up, “I am sorry.”

“I will eat it anyway, it can’t be that bad,” you assure him before walking towards the door but he holds your arm gently.

“no, i can’t let you die because of food poisoning, especially food I made,” he says in slight panic and obvious worry that you can’t help but chuckle at.

SAWAMURA DAICHI:

mornings with you and your husband were generally organized and calm, a couple of kisses here and there, making drinks and breakfast for each other.

today was no different, except daichi has been searching for his cap for the last 15 minutes but to no avail. he searched high and low and checked every corner of the house.

hell, he even checked the attic and while yes, he stumbled across one of the photo albums he oh so adores but can’t indulge in right now, he still can’t find his cap.

so he settles for the option he should have chosen from the very start.

asking you, his beautiful wife, for help.

“y/n! have you seen my cap?”

“no! did you check under your brown coat?” you call out as you, gloomily, look yourself in the mirror.

“yes, but— oh nevermind; it’s really under my brown coat.”

daichi puts his cap on before running back to your room to give you a goodbye kiss, “hey there, gorgeous.”

“you must be developing the mothers’ super power of finding something quite early,” he chuckles, “or it’s a sign for us to finally do something.”

your cheeks heat up as you swat him away, “SAWAMURA DAICHI!”

he smiles again, taking your hand into his and kissing it. soon, he kneels down, “have I told you how beautiful you are?”

“yo-you don’t have to do that now,” you mumble, trying to make him stand up but looking away when he stubbornly stays in his knees, “you will be late.”

gently, he pulls you down to him and pats your head, “well, I think it’s more important to remind my wife that beauty standards are not consistent and shouldn’t be what she compares herself to.”

you narrow your eyes, “you think that it’s that easy to stop—“

he places a finger on your lips before he continues, “she also should know that she is a whole standard herself and that no one can even compare.”

you, flustered, avert your eyes and look away and he takes as a chance to place another kiss on your cheek, “well! I better going now.”

“good luck,” you say softly with a smile and he laughs.

“I don’t need luck as long as I have you by my side!” he raises his left hand and your name that is engraved on the wedding ring shines.

SAKUSA KIYOOMI:

it was just a day of chilling in your house; your husband has finally gotten a one week break and you both agreed to make all out of it.

so after some discussions, you put all the snacks on the table while he gets the blanket and pillows.

“what movie will watch?” you ask while he sets it up.

“whatever you want.”

“then spinning a wheel we shall do,” you hum while he grumbles.

“y/n, it never lands on something we like.”

you giggle, “that’s the fun of it!” you wrap your arms around his shoulders before kissing his cheek, “we can trash talk it all the more and if you don’t like that then we will spin it again.”

his arms find their way around your waist as the both of you sit down, “then what’s the point?”

“the author wants to add words because this was too short for her liking.”

“what?—“

you cut him off by throwing yourself on him causing him to lay down. he groans but pulls you closer nonetheless, “you’re killing me.”

“good,” you smile and snuggle into his chest even more. you sit for a while cuddling together. soon you speak up.

“omi, kiyoomi, omiomi, oni—“

“what.”

“do I look bad lately?” you question and he looks at you offended as if you had insulted his entire lineage.

his eyebrows furrow and a frown is instantly on his face, “who the hell put that dumb idea into your head?”

“no one— in particular— it’s just seeing how the standards for beauty are nowadays, I don’t exactly fit.”

he sighs and takes a hold of your hand, “I am going to say this as politely as I can,” he takes a deep breath, “fuck society and its beauty standards.”

you snort making him roll his eyes, “I am serious; who said you need to fit?”

“the world, omi.”

he bumps your foreheads together lightly, “well the world is dumb and if you believe it then you will be as dumb as it is.”

a pout graces your face and he press a chaste kiss on your lips, “I will love you til we grow old and wrinkly you loser; I don’t care about the standards they put and you shouldn’t.”

you prepare to punch him but he grabs your fist, but looks away to avoid eye contact; his cheeks are a soft red hue as he speaks, “to me…you’re the epitome of perfection and beauty.”

MIYA ATSUMU:

today, one of the many events atsumu has to attend; you know first hand how much he hates these events, and he doesn’t hesitate to let it be known.

“I would much rather spend my time with ya than a stupid event!” to be exact.

so the solution you found into convincing your husband to go the events is that you would go with him which got you to your current predicament.

“y/nnnnnnnnnnnnnn!”

“tsumu, have patience for god’s sake!”

“but I wanna see yaaaaaaaaaaa!”

he huffs and grumbles when he doesn’t get a response, “yer so mean.”

after a couple of minutes (really only one minute but atsumu’s patience is non-existent), he gets up and goes to check up on you.

the moment he opens the door, he is met with a sight he wants engrave in his memory forever. you looked beautiful, ethereal, gorgeous, and absolutely stunning to the point he is starting to feel hesitant about letting others see you like this.

they don’t deserve to see such heavenly beauty, he grumbles in his head. not like he does, but oh well some are just privileged. privileged as hell in his case.

“Y/N YA LOOK SO GORGEOUS! BEAUTIFUL! PRETTY! OH MY GOD HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY?!”

you giggle softly but soon start fiddling with your fingers, “you sure? I feel like I don’t exactly look that good.”

“why?” he visibly deflates, and pouts before waddling towards you. he hugs you from behind and rests his chin on your shoulder, “ya look so pretty, ya always do.”

“i don’t exactly meet the standards of the world nowadays.”

he smiles softly, “do ya want to know something?”

you hum and he interlocks your fingers together.

“everyday, I think about how out my league you are,” he starts, “ya always look so gorgeous and are so beautiful, not to mention your amazing personality.”

a smile makes its way to your face and he chuckle, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “I also love yer cute little butt,” he cheekily says while squeezing it making you squeal.

“‘tsumu, we have an event we need to go to!”

“hmmm, I think we can just be fashionably late for tonight.”

OIKAWA TOORU:

“y/n, baby, angel, pretty, gorgeous, can you please come to bed!” your husband whines from the bed while you sit on your desk doing god knows what.

“baby, please I need to have you in my arms or I will die!”

you sigh, “tooru, stop the dramatics; I will be with you soon, bubs.”

he pouts before basically screaming in mini-caps, “YOUR HANDSOME HUSBAND WILL REALLY APPRECIATE HAVING HIS PRETTY WIFE IN HIS ARMS RIGHT NOW!”

soon, you throw an almost-empty pack of tissues on his stomach making him groan, “I said I will be with you soon, you baby.”

he gets up, a cute frown gracing his lips as he stands behind you, “y/n! it’s not nice to hit your husband with a tissue pack!”

“and it’s not nice to keep bugging your wife, pretty boy.”

“I-well-,” he splutters before crossing his arms and looking away. from the corner of your eye, you can see an adorable red hue adorning his cheeks.

“I still make you nervous, tooru?” you tease while he huffs a small ‘hush’.

he gets another chair and sits beside you, “ignoring me, what’s keeping you up, pretty?”

he takes a hold of your hand and rubs his thumb over it before kissing the back of your hand.

“just thinking about how I look…”

“how perfect you look?” he teases lightly, putting a strand of stray hair behind your ear.

“no, you loser,” you say chuckling sadly, “I don’t exactly fit with the beauty standards and stuff; I don’t feel that pretty sometimes.”

“hm, that certainly is a pickle,” he hums thoughtfully, “but it’s okay to feel that way, even I feel like that.”

“the world-known hot-shot argentinian setter doesn’t sit the beauty standards?” you deadpan.

he nudges you with his elbow, “yes even the hot-shot setter, but I just want you to know that no one can always fit these standards, even me.”

“in fact, if you ask me,” he says standing up and pulling you in front of the mirror, “I think you’re the most irresistible, charming and alluring person I have ever laid my eyes on.”

taglist: @magenta-cat-drawingss @pompompurin1028 @scul-pted @dazaisdeathwish @requiem626k @nameless-shrimp @shinys-bsd-world-1 @sonder-paradise @ravenina14 @jessbeinme15s-notebook @todorokichills @ginneko @missrown @shrynkk @simplyxsinned @beautiful-is-boring @bakugossanity @izukus-gf @irethepotato @thekaylahub @luciferspen @aeanya @sweetcloudsimp @moon-catto

copyright © tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[silent-raven13]

Riri, your papa is here

(Au: Omegaverse. Miles and Hobie went through a break up before having their first child)

Hobie got up the steps knowing that he's late, he knows he needs to come on time. He knows it. Work had held him up, so now he has to find a way to schedule his work hours with his schedule for his child. With a simple knock at the door, the door quickly spun open revealing his ex-partner.

Miles stood with one hand on his hip with a disapproval frown on his face, those big doe like eyes still get Hobie's heart going even after all these years. "You're late."

"I know. I know. Work held me back... Umm, where's Riri?" He finally asked, he didn't want to talk about his tardiness.

"Hobie, we agreed on this schedule because you said it works for you." Miles said in a serious tone, then sighs, "Look I get your trying to make a good living, but talk to your boss about your hours because I'm not-" Hobie quickly cut him off, "I know. I will. Just work being busy. Now, where's my-" Then Miles' bubbly husband came by the doorway, "Is that Hobie?"

"Yes, bae. It's Hobie." Miles said to his Alpha.

A buff Indian American Alpha with a thick clean cut beard pop behind his Omega with a big smile on his face, "Hobie, my dude! What is up!"

"Hey, Pav." Hobie gave him a simple hello, it's not like they're close friends. Pavitr always been a friendly person.

"Hahaha, so you're late, do you know that? Riri is waiting for you in the living room." This time Pavitr's said in a semi-bubbly tone with a bit of serious expression. "You know, you can't be late. I don't care if you're late or not, because I get to spend time with my little princess, but this is more important to Riri than me and Miles."

"I know! I know! Look, I'm trying. I'll talk to my boss, anyway can I have my kid?" He really wants to get out of there.

Miles sighs, "Riri, papa is here!"

"Alright!" Riri a four year old girl that has both resemblance of her parents, she happily carried a Disney Princess backpack filled with her fun activities for the weekend. Her hair in a beautiful bread with colorful pink beads, and cute princess shirt with mint pants and light up shoes. Her heterochromia eyes gleams, "Hi, papa!" She rushes over to hug him.

"Hey, lovely. Come here and give your papa a hug." He picks her up to kiss her forehead, "You been good?"

"Yeah, daddy and appa said we'll go to Disney World for the summer if I'm super good at daycare!" She happily said.

"Oh, is that right?" The punker glances at Miles, he didn't know about that nor did he agree his daughter going on a trip. What about his custody to her?

Miles crosses his arms, "We're talking about it, Hobs."

"Yeah, don't worry, bud. You're welcome to come, bring your wife too!" Pavitr happily said, "and ya'll son, Manny."

"Easy, bae. We were just talking about it." Miles pointed out.

Riri frowns, "But you guys promise me, I wanna go to Disney world!"

"We'll talk about it later, love." Hobie said, "Right now, you'll enjoy the weeknd with me, and Mindy and your little brother Manny."

"Manny just sleep, poo and eat." Riri tilted her head being confused, she only watches the baby being snug with his mom.

"Because he's a baby, lovely." Hobie said to his kid.

"I guess." She had that Hobie Brown honesty. "He just lays there and fart."

Pavitr giggles, "Princess, don't be mean. He's your little brother. You need to be a big sister to him."

"Hehe, okay appa." Riri kisses her stepdad on the cheek giving him a hug.

Miles smiles at the two before turning to find his ex-boyfriend rolling his eyes at Pavitr. This pissed the twenty nine year old because not many Alphas would want to be with a 'touched' Omega, especially one with a strong Alpha descendants. Pavitr being the most sweetest understanding Alpha had love Riri like it was his own. So seeing his ex-boyfriend disapproval his husband is pissing him off.

"Anyway, we'll best be going. Say goodbye, lovely." Hobie said.

"Bye bye daddy, appa!" She waves at them.

"Bye, mi vida." Miles went to kiss his daughter's cheek. "Be good to mama Mindy and your little brother."

"Okay!" Riri nodded.

Hobie began walking off having his daughter in his arms, they headed to the bus. The ride to his place wasn't far, only about twenty minutes depending on traffic. Always that fucking New York traffic.

When he got home, his wife, Mindy already gave a bottle to their son Manny. The baby burps before sitting on the couch with a baby pillow to support his back while watching Sesame Streets.

Mindy turns to find her husband coming in, "Hello, Riri. How's it going, sweetie?"

"Good. A bit exhausting." Her dad set her down so she can start putting her jacket and boots away. It was a semi-cold day, with a bit of breeze.

Hobie chuckles, "I'm the one that carry you most of the way."

"But I have to sit on the bus, papa." She giggles being in her casual outfit and rushes with her backpack to the living room, "Hi, Manny!"

Manny looks at her then made grunting sounds. "Is he pooping?" She asked.

Mindy giggles, "Maybe. He just had his lunch." She went over to pick up her son, "Oh who's a stinky baby? You are. You are." Her Omega scent smelled like gentle sweetness of milk and honey. It's a scent Hobie loves from his wife. Sadly, and he would never tell her the real reason why he loves her scent, because it reminds him so much of his ex-partner.

Even though the two ended on a terrible note, he still cares about him, love him still. Their relationship was never on a good time, it always felt like wrong place, wrong timing, nothing seems to go their way. Now, all it's left of them is being coparents to their daughter.

Hobie knew he shouldn't think too much of the past, he knows part of their failed relationship was him not being ready to commit when they needed to. One biggest hint is Riri, when Miles got pregnant, the punker didn't want a baby or the marriage life. His band at the time was being popular, slowly starting up.

Miles wanted them to be serious, which was too fast at the time. Not to mention, they were on and off from a previous fight about so many things.

In the end, Hobie and his band didn't get famous in the way they hope, thus the end of being a rockstar. And the break up with Miles, too. So, he's a producer making music for anyone, that's how he met Mindy with her beautiful gospel voice.

When Riri was born, Hobie came to see her and fallen for her. Miles had hope for him to commit, but he couldn't forgive Miles for saying petty shit from their break up. It was best to leave it as it is. Petty fights, petty custody battles were filled with hurt and pain from their break up.

He wanted to break up....

The punker wanted to wait or express his freedom a bit more. Somehow they were able to maintain their feelings at bay, slowly being more friends for their daughter.

Riri began coloring as she watches Sesame Streets, "Papa, daddy doesn't like you, huh?"

"What makes you say that?" Hobie asked.

"I dunno. You two always look at each other weird... like mad."

"Nah, it's just sometimes papa isn't following what daddy says and it's my fault."

"Did you love daddy before?"

"One point I was, but we're good friends." He arched his eyebrows, "Why did ya ask?"

"I dunno. it's hard to believe since mama Mindy is so sweet and you love her a lot. You hold her hand, kiss her cheek- and with daddy, you two fight a lot."

"Yeah, we always did." Hobie sat on the couch, "Believe it or not, we never fought like that."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we use to sing, dance, have fun. Now, your daddy is all about being mean and strict rules. Don't tell him, I said that."

"I won't." She giggles.

"Did you ever wish for us-" Riri shook her head, "Nope. You two always look sad together and that makes me sad. I like it when you two are happy."

"I see." Even his baby girl sees that the two weren't meant to be. They weren't off on a good note. "Well, one thing we know is that me and your daddy love you so much. We'll always try to make you happy."

"Hehe, I love you, too, papa."

Normally the weekend is Riri enjoying fun times with her papa like going to the park with the family, eating pizza, and watch movies. Sometimes they play fashion outfits or she's in her own world talking to Manny. The baby boy can only listen to Riri's stories about Spider-man or barbies.

When she return home, she saw her daddy waiting out the door of their home with one hand on his hip. Miles welcomes her back.

"How was it, honey?" Miles asked.

"Good. Super fun. Manny gets scared of his own farts." She giggles.

"Haha, that is funny." Miles let his daughter go off to her room with her things. "And I need to talk to you." He said to his ex-partner.

"Oh yeah? What am I getting blamed for this time?" The punker sarcastically asked with a snort.

His ex glares at him, they step outside of the front door, Miles shut it. "Why are you always pissed off at me?"

"What?"

"You got annoyed with Pav for being sweet to Ri!"

"Pfft, be for real, Miles. That was Friday! Let it go."

"No, because you always get annoyed with my husband! I never treat Mindy that way."

"Okay, you wanna know why, so bad?" Hobie threw his hands in the air, "You and him are making plans without telling me. Disney World? Over the summer? I wanted to take her to London to know where I come from and you basically run that mouth off saying no, she's too young or she's not ready or you don't think I'm responsible."

"This is Disneyland, and we were just talking about it."

"No! Don't give that shit. Pav basically made a promise with Ri so now ya'll obligated to do it."

"Look, Pav was trying to teach her that being-" Hobie cut him off, "No, don't give me that. It's always something so innocent but when I pull the same shit, you bitch at me."

"Excuse me," Miles scowls, "What da fuck you think your talking to? You better tone that mouth of yours, you asshole."

"Admit it, Miles. You hate I'm being your baby daddy. Your other have full custody of her."

"No! I know, you never been a responsible man! You always run off. I don't trust you taking her to London!"

"It'll be me with my wife and son!" In the fact moment Miles gave a look of anger flash in him, it seems like he was jealous almost disbelief to find Hobie married with a child. It's true, how can the punker be so quick to marry Mindy when he denies marriage with him.

"Maybe I do, but I know you ain't shit."

"Oh fuck off. I'm telling you now, Miles. You and Pav better not take her to Disney World until you let me take her to London. You can go low, I can go lower."

"You really going to upset her, because I said no to London?"

"You always hated that I'm here. I care about my daughter, and want to give her trips."

Miles inhale sharply, "You don't respect me or Riri's time. You were supposed to pick her up on a certain but you're always late. You never taken her to the doctor, or changed her diaper-"

Hobie looks at his ex in disbelief, "Because you deny me access to my own kid, because you wanted to be petty. I was there when she was born and you still buggin'. Man, fuck this. I'ma talk to my lawyer about minimal contact from you when I pick Riri up."

"Ugh, fine. Do it." Miles fumes seeing his ex-partner walking off. The twenty nine year old went back in his house being upset. "Shit." He sighs. Why do they always fight so much? He just wanted Hobie to respect Pavitr.

Riri came by to find Miles wiping his own tears, "You okay, daddy?"

"Yes, baby. I'm fine. Just mad at your papa, right now."

"Oh, nothing new then." She began walking off to get her sippy cup from the fridge.

Miles gave a small chuckle, "Heh, yeah. Same ole' same ole..." He knows this isn't healthy for his daughter to see, yet she seems to be unbothered by it. She is exactly like Hobie, her attitude towards everything is very chill and her bluntness had a certain humor to it. "So, how was Mindy?"

"Good. She and papa were singing a pretty song and Manny tries to sing, too." Riri sips her sippy cup. "Daddy, why you don't like papa?"

"What? what makes you say that, sweetheart?" Miles stood awkwardly almost in shock with his baby.

"Well... you guys always fight and I asked papa why, too."

"What did he say?" He arched his eyebrows.

"He said it wasn't always like that... he said he did love you."

Miles' bites his bottom lip, "He did?"

"Yeah. I thought it was weird because you two always fight."

"I'm sorry, honey. I know we shouldn't fight. Me and papa have a lot of stuff we still haven't got over." Miles kneel down to hug his daughter, "You know, we love you so much, right?"

"I know."

"And what me and papa had... was nice for a bit. I did love him, too. We weren't compatible."

"What's compatible?"

"It's like two jigsaw puzzle that doesn't fit together. You can force it but it would never fit perfectly. That's me and your papa."

"Ohhh." She said.

"I'll try to be nicer for you. I don't want you to see us fight or get any ideas about me hating your father." Miles did love Hobie, maybe that's why he's so mad with him. So many things he wanted from his ex-boyfriend that never happened. In the end, he end up doing all the things he wanted from to someone else. To another Omega, and that hurt him like an old wound being ripped open.

Now, Miles have to admit he did rush things too fast or expect his ex to be a traditional Alpha too fast. When he got pregnant with Riri, he gave Hobie an Ultimatum which never works out. So much anger, so many petty revenge to hurt Hobie... was it worth it in the end?

Now, they're two exhausted grown men trying to coparent their daughter. Their beautiful perfect daughter, Miles has no regrets to wanting her. He will never apologize for that. He's pretty happy to have a child with his ex-boyfriend, it's at least their Riri is a good outcome from their broken relationship.

"Okay, daddy. Can I got play with my dolls, now?"

"Sure, sweeter. Go and plat." He watches his baby girl running to the living room to play. This time he took out his smartphone to text Hobie, taking a moment to think about what to say.

Miles: Hey, you can take her to London, but I'ma need to know everything like time, dates, places and who's going...

-few seconds-

Miles: Sorry for being mad at you, but understand that Pavitr makes me and Riri happy.

Hobie: I understand.

Hobie: Thanks

Hobie: I'm sorry for saying shit... I think we need to go to therapy, I don't want to say the wrong shit and hurt you and Ri.

Miles: Same. We need to make this work without the fights.

Hobie: I agree.

Miles nodded at this. "This is a good start."

[fanatic-r3d4ct3d]

slides into my own post. hey im back on ranting about clash lobotomy corp edit; small amount of blood in 1 of the end images + wanted to add a stupid doodle todays rant is the funny Lobotomy corp manager! The manager in the lobotomy corp game is the player character, they manage the facility keep the agents alive via a camera system and assign them work to do. they can also use bullets to give agents health, sanity, defense boosts for damage types, and call in the rabbit team which is just super buff agents who can. help suppress if a really big abnormality breaches. Now! in the funny clash au the manager is split into 3 people! their appearance mostly censored so employees cant exactly try to harm them in anyway, Their camera system is also mostly censored by the facility as well so they don't get fully traumatized. in fact theirs 1 abnormality that if its ever uncensored! they just have to replace the entire manager. anyways! the clash au managers go by One, Two and Three to the agents. their appearance mostly being silhouettes with eyes. Uncensored! one two and three are effectively Robert, Thomas and Crystalline. with Thomas taking up the role of the player mostly. Robert took the role as manager upon a large offering being decently close with the company. Crystalline joined him figuring it might be a well decent time to...have the husband she dislikes vanish. Thomas joined realizing he should A, not leave those two alone together in a space which has something deadly in it! and B he didn't fully trust this company nor did he think it was a good idea, so effectively he went to keep his brother safe, as well as make sure his nephew would keep his father. Robert plays the game more brash with not caring about agent deaths while thomas more trys to keep everyone alive. Crystalline provides herself unhelpful and only starts arguments between the two anytime she can. annd the lil censored design of the sillies + one half uncensored of thomas :D, hes uh....not doing great. warning for small amounts of blood.

[bitchkay]

The court of darkness tag is looking lonely. Who’s your favorite consort and why?

I'm indecisive😶

I feel like this is common knowledge but I'm so deeply in love with Tino

kaytino is so real

He makes me so fuzzy inside🥰🥰

Tino is just such good soul, it genuinely hard to hate him like if you don't like Tino I don't trust you, im not talking hes just not your taste cus we all like different flavors no like if you genuinely dislike the man just say you hate green flags🙄✋🏽

Tinos just so considerate and accommodating and he has to be cus he deals with Lynt everyday who most notably takes life at his own pace but hes also so incredibly kind with these qualities to back him up

Tinos truely a nurturer at heart and takes great pride in taking care of the people he cares about but hes also a person you can really put your trust in an relax around, you wanna take care of him as much as he wants to take care of you

I think also because hes a person you can really trust is why I wanna fuck him so bad--

NO CUS--

Tino would never hurt me, not intentionally anyway plus Tinos a fucking freak in the sheets I would genuinely let him do whatever he wants to me

And Tino usually nervous and unsure of himself so when he takes control I'm like😳✨✨✨

I need him carnally

Baby girls can also be Daddys🙄✋🏽

Another obvious one but I love love love Rio, hes my man

My man my man my man

Hes so friends to lovers coded and I love me some friends to lovers

Hes so sweet and nice but also so open minded and sure of himself

Hes also a foodie, you cant go wrong with a boy that keeps you fed

Sometimes I feel like we go a little bit far with the whole him being oblivious thing cus hes not fully oblivious, at least to the definition of oblivious like yeah I love my himbo king and I love them when they're a little bit stupid but hes not child, I'd be more concerned with him not understanding the basic mechanics of sex as a grown adult then him just not getting the jist of certain things or cues the first time around

Sometimes it's funny, hilarious even but I digress

I feel like I've said this a bunch of times already but Rio just gives off this nostalgic feeling of new experiences almost like young love but not

Its like a growing feeling, like a love that can only get deeper with age, a love that started from nothing but a seedling into a well nurtured flower

Not just growing but growing together, figuring it out, helping eachother

Hes also so gentle like Rios 6'2 and buff, he knows his strength and doesn't wanna hurt you

My gentle giant♡

I would sit on his

That too anyway--

I would sit on his back while he does push up

And I'd praise him saying hes so strong

I'd be like Rio you're so strong☺️☺️

and hed be like thank you sunbeam and flex his biceps for me♡

Rios also good with kids

Rio would make an amazing father

I would know

Anyway

I also wanna fuck

Rios sexy yall

And hes also a person you can really trust like Rios not the type of person to betray someone trust if anything I think Rio would treat other people's trust as a gift and holds it with pride

In others words if he wanted me to do a split on it IMMA DO A SPLIT ON IT‼ 🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️

Anyway lastly Lance

My husband

Need it say more I love Lance with all my heart

Its pretty much all here

I love his mind and the way he thinks, I feel like Lance doesn't think hes a good person but in his heart he is, perhaps he doesn't follow the rules all the and talks back but his moral compass has never been wrong

Listen when I say I like bad boys I don't mean the leather jacket motorcycle vandalism type, I mean, would overthrow the government if he had the chance, questions authority and would break the law for a person in need

The leather jacket and motorcycle stuff is a plus tho--

Lance's worldview comes largely from the fact that he spent a good portion of his childhood raised by his mother living out of a beat up tent in the desert and really poor, he was apart of the resistance before he found out he was the son of the king and even then hid the fact that he was a prince from the resistance so he can still help them

Something I really like about Lance is his unexpected kindness, lance is mean, hes rude, he has impenetrable walls built up around himself but hes also respectful to those that deserve respect, and theres not one time where he sees someone that needs help and doesn't do it

He likes animals and animals like him too, children like him, I'm sure old people like him aswell

He kinda reminds me of Ryoji Ryukai from bad boys do it better but with less teenage angst lol and a little less of a tsundere

Also I wanna try Lance's smokes🤭🤭

Irian cigars👀👀

What's their weed like

You're telling me the smoke is purple⁉️⁉️

Lance dosen't smoke much after getting with MC which is understandable however I wanna try it like

I happen to be an enjoyer of oui'd

We can exchange 💨💨

You hit my dap I'll hit your pipe we give each other feedback

I'm talking as if I'm a stoner guys I swear I'm not

Don't do drugs kids😠☝🏽

Anyway

Me and Lance are actually pretty similar in the way we operate and carry ourselves

Very independent and like our own space but a good listener and open minded, opinionated but susceptible to change.

Something I really like about Lance and Mc is that MC is the yapper and Lance is the listener, and I think that's really beautiful I think every yapper needs their listeners and it's cute cus even if he may look uninterested he really is hanging on to every word she says♡

I wanna be his listener♡

I know lance doesn't express himself as much but I know he also has things to say and I wanna be the one to listen to him

Maybe he doesn't have much to say I'll still ask him how his day went♡ I'm interested in you baby, I like to hear your voice♡

I also Lance's I love voice, like every time I hear it I'm like😩😩

I hear on the title screen and I'm done for😵💫

No cus all hes saying is 'Makai Ouji to miwaku no nightmare' but his voice us so deep and sexy I want him

Lance's voice actor really deserves that raise, they feeding the girlies good😌

I also wanna fuck him

Like

Lance is in fact the hottest character in this game I'm sorry I had to tell the truth

If I was to rank the characters on attractiveness I would in fact put Lance at the top yes I would

Cus lance is so fineee

I wanna oil him up and throw him on the bed😩

Or the other way around👀

Either or👀

Lance has never disappointed in an epilogue that's my man right there

Freak in the fucking sheets

It started with his mischief ending.

[luminlunii]

This isn't a request, but what inspired your Ocs into existence? Mine was that I wanted more people in Rocky's corner! So, I gave him a mom friend named Sadie Churchill or also known as Lucille Grace. She's known as the sweet motherly and unsuspected cleaning lady at the little Daisy Cafe/Lackadaisy, the unknown Siren Killer to the law and the crazy witch from a coven, killing all the people that were involved in the murder of her husband and baby to her victims. Along side an angry spirit known as a Wraith with a common enemy as her. Then, there's also the significant other to Rocky! Clarity Sable, Sedgewick's niece. Who is also a part of the same coven as Sadie. No, Sedgewick doesn't know about this. All he knows is that his niece was sent to live with him at 13 for reasons and she's 20 now.

That's so cool! I'll be explaining below. It's very long, whoops.

For me, it was mostly for fun? And then I got really into it. The girlfriends I mentioned before, Lavinia and Yvaine, are just my oc's as Lackadaisy characters. And then I kind of just had this thought of 'Rocky doesn't have any parental figures...Might as well make Lavinia and Yvaine his parents lmao'. I thought it was funny.

The twin's were really just an excuse to have more doctor characters. I have names for them now! They are of Japanese origin, Rin and Minoru, and because they moved to the U.S. at a young age they had to change them. Wren, was close enough to Rin, and Moreno, close enough to Minoru. They also had this little sister on her way, their mother was 3 months pregnant with her at the time. Originally before they moved her name was going to be Emiko, it then changed to Emily shortly after.

Wren was in training to become a nurse back in WW2 and when she came back home she was rather...prickly. She died due to being involved with a deal gone wrong with a gang and Moreno was left to take her place, quite literally. Since then Moreno had to study extensively about medical practices to really impersonate her. Grief was what motivated him. Atlas May found him and later employed him.

Then comes around my fifth character. He's Russian and officially named Anastasiy Baladin. He was originally going to be a buff lady. Not much going on with him except he was basically disowned by his family shortly after an incident. He has this really large scar that runs up and down his spine widening at the center of his back. Like the shape of a diamond. I was going to push him to be Rocky's love interest because I thought it would funny if Rocky fell for someone tall and intimidating lmaooo

I think I'm going for it anyway because I still think it would be funny.

[semper-legens]

10. Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon

Owned: No, library Page count: 863 My summary: Claire Randall was not expecting much adventure from her honeymoon to Scotland. It's 1946, and the country is still healing from the trauma of the Second World War - Claire and her husband were looking forward to a quiet time away in the country. But when Claire stumbles into a set of standing stones, she finds herself in far over her head. She's fallen back in time, back to 1743, and her husband's great-great-great grandfather has his eyes on her. But Claire has bigger problems. Will she ever get back to her home time? And, given her growing attachment to the young Jacobite she met in the 18th century, will she want to? My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

Well. This is. Not something I expected to find myself reading, I'm not going to lie. I'm gonna straight-up admit that this is due to prejudice on my part - this series is the kind of thing that I associate with middle-aged women, and I don't generally read middle-aged women fiction. But I gave this a shot. It's a romance, which isn't usually my genre, but it's also historical and political and wider than singly the romance story, which is why I wanted to give it a shot. To be clear, there's nothing wrong with romance inherently, I'm just not into it as a genre, so I'm not necessarily gonna enjoy romance if there's nothing else that's in it for me there. Anyway. All of this to say, I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I was going to, and I'm a little salty about it.

(Warning for talk of rape and sexual assault under the cut.)

As you can tell from the page count, this book's huge, so I'm not gonna talk about every aspect - just a few that jumped out at me. So let's talk about our main characters! Claire and Jamie, a 1940s nurse and a 1740s Jacobite. They're so endearing. Claire is full of personality - she's hotheaded, she's stubborn, she's got a lot of contradictions and flaws, and she's intensely competent. Despite coming from nearly 200 years in the future, she's never really patronising or demeaning towards the people she finds in the past, which is nice - particularly as the narrative also treats them as full people with intelligence as well. Jamie, on the other hand...damn, this is my sorta character. A big strong long-haired history boy with a tragic backstory? Like, I know that Jamie's characterisation is largely there to be appealing to the presumed-straight-woman reader (he's buff, respects Claire, has a tragic backstory and constantly needs healing, etc) but it also falls into my camp of My Favourite Little Woobie. Helps that he's also funny, sweet, and sensitive when need be. He's got depths beyond his character outline, and I like that.

In a historical novel, I'm always looking for how the narrative relates to historicity, and this holds up pretty well. I don't know much about the Jacobite uprisings, but the events presented here are at least plausible to me. Similarly, I don't know much about the intricacies of Scottish politics and Lairds, but as presented here it seemed fine. There's a witch hunt about 20 years too late, but Gabaldon straight-up admits that in the author's note at the back, so like, I can look past that if it's an active Choice. One thing that impressed me was that the characters had historically-plausible attitudes, like misogyny or thinking that smacking kids is okay, and that's dealt with as a part of the narrative. Claire doesn't agree, and after Jamie hits her for disobeying him, she gives him an ultimatum - don't hit her again, or she walks. And he swears to never hit her again. We also see him explain his history with the concept and his point of view, and while I don't agree with him, I can totally see where he's coming from, particularly in the historical setting where he lives.

And it's subtly pointed out that people in the past weren't idiots. While Claire is bringing 20th century nursing techniques to the table, most of the 18th century characters are shown to have reasonably sensible attitudes to medicine. Sure, Jamie carries around a dried mole's paw in his sporran to ward against rheumatism, but also the healers Claire encounters are using herbs to heal in the same way she is, and know how to dress and treat wounds. There's a lot of violence, but there's a lot of complex politics underlying that violence. Things are complicated, and I very much appreciated that.

The final thing I want to talk about is how this book relates to sexuality. First of all, I genuinely enjoyed how horny Claire was! As someone who's sex repulsed, the sex scenes in this book weren't gonna appeal to me in the way that the author intended, which is fine. But it was pretty cool to see Claire actively enjoying sex, both with Frank and with Jamie, and having an active sexuality. And also, there's a lot of emotions underpinning the sex and sexuality - Claire doesn't choose Jamie because he's hot, she's emotionally attached to him too, which is nice. Similarly, I liked that Jamie is a lot less sexually experienced than Claire, particularly as Claire is a more modern woman. He's not exactly a blushing virgin, but he's inexperienced, and that's interesting to see from such a masculine male character. After all, pop culture will tell us that manly men fuck constantly and often, so it's nice that Jamie is a manly man who hasn't really fucked before.

The secondary element to this, however, is how the book uses rape and sexual assault. Claire is under threat of rape a lot, and some of it felt gratuitous - it seems that men are threatened with death and women are threatened with rape, which is gendered in a way I didn't like so much? On the other hand, there's Jamie. At the end of the book, Jamie is jailed by Randall, and Randall rapes him. Like with his earlier virginity, Jamie isn't treated by the narrative as though he's emasculated by this, his trauma is related to just being a rape (and torture) survivor. On the other hand, it's uncomfortable how the explicitly gay or mlm men in this story are characterised as being rapists and assaulters, particularly of younger men. It would have been a lot harder to be a gay man in this time period, but that doesn't mean that every gay man sexually assaults younger men. I don't think the rape in this book is by necessity inherently badly portrayed, but I didn't particularly like the overabundance of it here.

Next up - we're back to the Andes, for yet another trip into the world of survival cannibalism.

[invinciblerodent]

For you oc is problematic game

Arvid (because I'm curious)

And Ray (because I'm a pot-stirrer on occasion 🤭)

Your fave is problematic: OC edition

Thank you, this was a lot of fun! :) Enjoy this pair of problematic men in their fifties <3

Your fave is problematic: Arvid Trygg 🐧

Has intimidation proficiency, but is too much of a softie to ever use it, which is honestly just egregiously wasteful of him. (We failed so many rolls. We got into so many fights because of him.)

Self-medicates his very obvious anxiety disorder with a big ol’ heaping dose of denial, and later his clear PTSD with toxic codependency. His husband reports getting up to 17 magical “are u okay” pings a day, and he may say he doesn’t mind (pings right back, sends like 15 of his own anyway), but, like, Jesus fuck, dude. Not only is he a teacher, it’s also Waterdeep. Whatever even happens in Waterdeep, ever.

Didn’t disclose his nonexistent sexual history, or communicate effectively about expectations before having mind-melding astral sex on what was essentially the first date :( (defining the term “virgin slut” quite inaccurately, but efficiently) (no really, he was, by some certain definitions of the word, kind of a 50-year-old virgin before Gale, and didn't even tell him :/)

tbh also they got married only after like, idk, a few months of dating while in the throes of mortal peril. that's not good rep at all, they shouldn't endorse that.

Also didn't tell anyone, not even his boyfriend, that he's half-duergar. And yeah, maybe they didn't ask, but like, that's still a lie. :/

Litterer!! By which I mean he left the Crown of Karsus on the bottom of the fucking Chionthar, potentially ruining the delicate magical ecosystem down there, and MAYBE even leaving room for the rise of some…. diseased, city-dwelling fish-god. Or crab-god. What the fuck even lives in the Chionthar? Nothing at this point, probably, because the dang water is full of Netherese magic now!!! :CCC

Consumes smutty literature :/// we see your dog-eared copy of A Pleasurable Deal in the bottom of your pack, boy, you ain’t slick, and it’s frankly SICKENING that you’d endorse such smut. (and let’s not even talk about the REST of his collection of stolen!!!!!!!, smutty books. Man, for a Man of the Cloth he sure does consume a LOT of bad erotica.) [I, uh… like to pick something for my characters to collect in rpgs, for him it was the romance novels.]

Speaking of, he endorses organized religion??? Sure, that religion may be the one in which he was raised and is organized around the central tenet of “pick your battles- but fucking pick them”, but still, he’s a priest, and we ALL KNOW that clerics are, without exception, fantasy!catholics, which means that they are insufferable sticks-in-the-mud, and bad.

And even so, he’s double-dipping gods??? Like, for someone who claims to be a Tempuran, he does seem to enjoy the buff from Loviatar, and all that free healing from Silvanus and Selune, yknow? So he’s like, technically cheating on his god, which is also bad. :////

And like, why discriminate against Sharrans, you know. :/ It’s not their fault that their Dark Goddess’ ultimate doctrine is to envelop the world in pure nihilism, so like, convincing his best friend to renounce her goddess was, like, super manipulative. (Yeah, even if it turned out well for her.) (And then he didn't even hug her???? What, because "it was added in a later update"???? Get out of here, that's no excuse. Your programming shouldn't prevent you from doing the right thing. :/)

Gave the gith egg to the Society of Brilliance :/// and sure, he may CLAIM that it was because the rest of the créche turned on them and nobody would have been there to take care of it if it had hatched (and the Shadow-cursed lands really didn’t seem like the best place for a child either), but that’s not an excuse!!!! It still turned out bad, and it was a mistake in retrospect, which he SHOULD HAVE BEEN aware of, and therefore he is problematic.

Oh, also, he like... rejected everyone in camp at least once, which is, like, toxic as hell of him. Way to lead everyone on, man. :/ He should've had the good sense to NOT chop wood in his shirtsleeves. He should've known all his friends are horny bisexuals, he should've kept those thick biceps and that lush carpet of chest hair covered. :/

Your fave is problematic: Raymond Trevelyan 🐴

oh god so many reasons where do i even fucking begin

bourgeois scum. born a wealthy noble. abolish nobility and guillotine his ass. >:(

His romantic life has been a mess since the moment learned what his dick is for, and he consequently also stopped being able to keep it in his pants (slut :///)

Started out dating the son of his father’s blacksmith (the power imbalance! the secrecy! so toxic!!!! the guy was even a MINOR!!!!) (so was he) (they were both 17) (no that doesn’t MATTER right now), then he was engaged to a woman (without disclosing that he’s gay :/), then married a NECROMANCER (unethical, slightly better because it's recycling :///) who was both his technically-subordinate AND like 7 years older than him (sketchy :////), and NOW, after 20+ happy years of marriage and like 3 years widowed, he’s going to be dating a guy who is young enough to be his son??? :///// frankly gross ://// not good gay rep at all ://////

And, like, it's very likely that he's going to become illithid too, so he like, doesn't even give his super-young boyfriend the happy ending he promised. :/ And breaking promises is, like, so problematic.

He freed a dragon that was living in captivity one time, which i’m sure ruined the native ecosystem, introducing a large, invasive predator willy-nilly like that :/

And speaking of, there’s got to have been catastrophic levels of ecological fallout to all his dragon-murdering, now that I think about that. Destroying native megafauna like that definitely caused the overpopulation of all the dragons’ prey animals, and then you can just WATCH the vegetation suffer. (Have there been fewer forest fires? Maybe! But at what price!!!!!!)

His judgment of war criminals seems dependent on whether they were nice to him, because if you dig into it, he’s pardoned one and executed another, and it honestly really just came down to one being his friend :/

Also he's said discriminatory things about mages :/// and yeah, maybe it was him echoing the kind of views everyone in his homeland held unironically and he may have ended up a staunch supporter of mage rights and married to a mage, but, like, he should have known better from the very start. :/

Used a hand he honestly believed to have been marked by the mark of the divine prophetess to jerk off that one time :/

Actually he did also unironically believe himself to have been chosen by a god, and when he realized that wasn’t the case, he still didn’t use his platform to publicly apologize :/

Used influence to change the outcome of an election, is the sole reason the Thedosian pope is all WOKE now :/

accidentally aided the rise to power of a megalomaniacal trickster-god who seeks to destroy the world as we know it :/

and let's not forget that he's not even forklift-certified. doesn't matter that there aren't any in Faerun/Thedas, it still counts.

................ Oh, and technically they're both, like, mass murderers??? In some way??? So. That's gotta add to the pile. But honestly, in the context of everything else, that's like, a minor thing.

Point is, they both suck and nobody should like them. ://///

[le--fruitcake]

Hello my leige, Lord of the Gays. This humble servant requests that you part your most correct cartoons opinions onto us all so that we may partake of your wisdoms.

How could I refuse a polite request such as thine? But of course, my vassal. Prithee, give me a moment to collect my thoughts before I impart them unto thee.

I refer, generally speaking, to the spinoff show of my favorite comic series, Usagi Yōjimbo, called Samurai Rabbit: The Usagi Chronicles, as the "children's shows", though I may also refer to any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shows as well— more on this later.

In Samurai Rabbit, the main character Yūichi is obsessed with the exploits of his ancestor, Miyamoto Usagi (宮本 兎), the main character and protagonist of Usagi Yōjimbo. Many of the fans on tumblr.hell grossly mischaracterize Yūichi as having a style of nerdiness that is very painfully American (such as enjoying pop music instead of Shamito Nadeshiko, for example, which is almost certainly something that would play in Neo Edo, the city in which Samurai Rabbit takes place. Yūichi literally lives in Japan. He would not listen to American pop music, mostly because he does not have access to the Internet. nor does he speak English), when there is, in fact, a subgenre of Japanese nerdiness into which he fits (almost) perfectly. This subgenre is called 歴女, or "rekijo", which transliterates as "passage of time woman", but is used to refer to women and girls interested in pre-Edo period (1600s) Japanese history— essentially female Japanese history buffs, usually into samurai and such. Usagi Yōjimbo takes place in the early 1600s— the beginning of Japan's Edo period. Of course, Yūichi is not a woman, but the sentiment applies. I frequently and somewhat jokingly use the nonexistent term 歴男 (rekidan) to refer to him and myself, as I, too, enjoy Japanese history. I replaced the kanji for woman, 女, with the kanji for man— 男.

(By the way, this show is For Children, and the animation is kind of terrible. I hesitate to recommend you watch it, but at the same time, it has many lines I am always quoting in situations such as Work and Any Time I Hear the words "Syrup" or "Accident" or "Grape", and some legitimately funny jokes sprinkled in. Also, the Japanese dub, despite not being the original, still manages to be better in most cases. There are some bits I prefer in English, and some I prefer in Japanese.

This is unrelated to anything and more of a nitpick I have with the show, but they state his name is 兎 友一 [Usagi Yūichi], which would make his family name his ancestor's given name— something that does not really happen in Japan, according to my sister, who is fluent and studied much of the culture. His name should be 宮本 友一 [Miyamoto Yūichi], assuming there is an unbroken line of sons stretching back to Usagi because of the stupid way last names work under the patriarchy, or if any of the women of their lineage made their husbands take their last name, or something like that.)

In terms of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it is important to note I got into this series because Usagi, the ancestor with which Yūichi is obsessed, frequently crosses over with them, in both comic and TV show forms, due to the authors of both comics being friends in real life. In fact, in every iteration of TMNT save Rise of the TMNT (which happens to be my favorite, despite this), there are at least two episodes that feature Usagi. I grew to like the Turtles independently, and made a post about them. In this post, I mentioned "having the most correct opinions about a children's show", and it is this that I quote all the time in my Esoteric Tags.

Anyway, Rise is the best Turtles because all of them are so well characterized, and the show has the very rare combination of good and stylized animation/acting, good characterization/writing, and a good story/premise. Usually, shows have one or two of the three, and you have to deal with the third being Just Good Enough to Keep Watching. Very much not the case with Rise, and I highly recommend starting with it if you want to get into TMNT. Music kinda slaps also. (This is a Correct Opinion because apparently, some people don't like this show. Somehow)

Side note about the crossovers: while the crossover with the 2003 TMNT is the most homoerotic (between Leonardo and Usagi), the 2012 crossover is the best, despite 2012 being my personal least favorite TMNT. Stan Sakai, the author of Usagi Yōjimbo, actually wrote two out of the three episodes, and they FINALLY got an actual Japanese person to play the Japanese character. That's a whole other can of worms I could open, but I'll leave that for another post, if I ever get around to making it. Suffice it to say, Japanese or Japanese-coded characters are, unfortunately, rarely, if ever, portrayed by Japanese people.

Hm. If I have any more Correct Opinions about Children's Shows, they are so correct in my mind I cannot fathom a world in which people don't think the same way I do, so I shall leave it here for now. I thank thee, my vassal, and pray you send me more asks like this in the future!