#Anti Ford makes fun of Jerk Ford for his size | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

primreaperstuff · 29 days ago

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Aaaa I'm so glad you liked my ideas! You can add your own too! I'm gonna go and respond to all your yapping because it makes me happy!

--Dipper is actually the guy who inspired this! I remember looking at some deer Dipper things and thinking "If Alex Hirsch were to do his take on Monster Falls, he would go for something way more embarrassing. We would have cute sparkly fairy Dipper." (Again, zero hate to deer Dipper! I do like him!) And from there I just kept thinking of what the worst possible monster would be for each character. And yeah, poor Mabes! (somebody else mentioned anti-semitism and I certainly didn't mean to imply anything racist but I think this might've been what twigged it? So I do want to clarify that by "gray-green skin," I mean like the Incredible Hulk was, not olive or any other real-world skintone.)

--Stan is all about facing things he doesn't want to face! At least Soos's intrusive thoughts are flattering enough to give Stan confidence-- Soos is thinking of how Ford might reject Stan, but then rejecting Ford rejecting Stan because Stan is so cool and Ford's supposed to be a smart guy! What if Soos made a gunblade and stabbed everybody who ever was mean to Stan (regular reminder that this is an intrusive thought NOT a serious consideration, though Stan appreciates the sentiment behind it)?

--I'm glad I picked a good one for her. I didn't want something she could just easily play off as cool or no big deal, and the trembling thing is based off of personal experience. I do that pretty much whenever I make a speech in public and nobody ever notices... because I'm human sized, not a giantess! Her friends have a lot of their own problems (Robbie has the whole family situation I mentioned, Tambry is a video game character like Giffany, Nate is a walking hot dog because I'm a jerk, and I haven't decided what's going on with Thompson and Lee yet) but they do still like Wendy and try to hang out with her.

--I just hope you're not too mad that it wasn't flattering. I was just thinking-- yeah, there's somebody she can hang with that she's not taller than, but he's like if the worst qualities of her friends manifested as a wood giant. Also if she says lumberjack or axe to him, he will throw deer at her. Steve is definitely not cool or fun.

--Yeah, he's in a situation where he so badly wants to help but he can literally make it so things must get worse if he's not super careful. And he's not great at caution. And the Shack means so much to him. It's hard for him not to take it personally when Stan gives him an extended vacation from work and tells him not to come back to the Shack until he's got the demon thing figured out (even though that is shockingly magnanimous for Stan). Soos is actually sort of relieved when Stan explains the portal thing because it means Stan still trusts him with stuff after all.

--As for the Valentinos!

--Will they rot? No, they have plenty of peanut brittle in their diet and also dust their clothes with the stuff, and that preserves their forms (Quentin Trembley is proud. People with peanut allergies on the other hand are terrified.). If there was ever a peanut brittle famine, they'd harvest organic materials from the bodies at the funeral homes for repairs.

--What's going on with Robbie? Masterful necromancy. Victor was a prodigy in this type of magic and Janice is perhaps his only peer. They worked together on Robbie's resurrection, and Victor basically gave up his own life (reasoning that he was getting old anyway and had enough contacts in several afterlives to live well wherever he ended up) so Robbie could live without many of the usual problems facing zombies (for example having moving blood, not craving brains all the time, and being able to tolerate 3 part harmonies). Robbie is still 14 physically, but he has the life experiences of a 16 year old and generally copies their behaviors and attitudes enough to pass. It definitely ruins his shot with Wendy now that she thinks he's going to be too young for her forever. Even though Robbie is capable not to mention insistent on eating normally, he actually still needs brains in his diet. His parents keep meaning to tell him that they slip brains from the funeral home in his food to keep him alive but they don't want to scare him. And Robbie can reproduce but it'd be kind of gross because he's still technically 14 and stuff.

--The family can theoretically live forever. Again, patriarch Victor was a master necromancer, and Janice is for all intents and purposes his equal. They don't really age conventionally because their bodies are dead but they do experience some wear and tear over time. Eventually Greg and Janice would like to settle down into a nice afterlife, and they hope Robbie will someday too. Greg and Janice think of the afterlife as like a senior living home. Robbie does not know what to think here.

--And yeah, Robbie birth is one of Greg and Janice's many crimes against God and nature. :D

--I don't know how or why Shifty would end up living with the Valentinos in this specific AU, but that is a funny idea. Could be a fanfic or some non-canon silliness.

--The krasue is a really interesting spirit that I don't see covered a lot in Western media, and I think it fits Pacifica because she herself doesn't want to hurt people, but her lifestyle is built off of fraud and she likes being rich enough to indulge in it. But she still feels guilty about it. But she doesn't want to give it up. She also values her appearance so much that she'd be genuinely distraught at getting her good looks taken away, even if it's only at night.

--Preston is a jerk for sure. He actually intends on locking Pacifica in the panic room every night so she can't wander around, but since he changes at night too and won't admit it to himself he never gets far. Since Priscilla can't change her form at all, Preston has no use for her anymore. Priscilla goes off to meet the other Killbillies but has trouble relating to them as they do not appreciate her former way of life. Eventually she winds up finding some kinship with (and advice for dealing with divorce from) Old Man McGucket while he's still living in the dump. He's not interested in her romantically but he appreciates the company enough to let her stay with him. Eventually Pacifica stays with them too. Tate McGucket (don't know what he becomes yet) is none too impressed with the Northwests but he slowly warms up to Priscilla and Pacifica.

--The dog whistle would work, but he would need to be trained on it. Again, he's like a really rowdy dog, so just because the whistle is supposed to mean he does something doesn't mean he'd gonna do it.

--The siren can be one of those ones that looks pretty from afar but is hideous up close. And yeah, the kid loses his audience. I figured he might not even particularly want to be cute or sing songs (going off of how he immediately adopted the Mad Max/cowboy aesthetic when he was working for Bill and could pick his uniform, and how pissed he was when Bill made him dance around in a sailor suit)-- he just sees cuteness as a means to an end, and it's not even getting him anywhere anymore. Plus he started this, so people don't like him anymore and blame him for anything bad they experience.

Idea: Monster Falls but evil (by which I mean the nature of the curse, not the characters) (longpost)

So I was looking at Monster Falls stuff and thinking, "Hey, these characters keep ending up being cool." Like, it's not as if Dipper would be especially happy to be half deer but a cervitaur is cool, aligns with who Dipper wants to be well enough, and he totally gets abilities he likes out of the deal. Mabel's usually happy to be a mermaid or a unicorn and again, it fits. And no hate. I like Monster Falls because it's fun like that.

But what if instead of fitting the character, it fit their insecurities, traumas, etc., in the worst possible way?

It starts at Dreamscaperers. Gideon is trying to summon Bill, but there's been some sort of edit war in Journal 2 on the incantation (Ford trying to cross it out and Bill putting it back in) that makes it very hard to read. As a result, Gideon says the wrong incantation and, instead of summoning Bill, turns everybody inside the weirdness barrier into monsters. He himself ends up becoming a siren, and nearly chokes to death-- he is extremely lucky that Soos is there and not willing to let a child die on his watch even if that child is a total creep, although he hates that Soos did the rescue and not Mabel (Mabel was honestly debating if she should leave Gideon there, since he tried to kill her brother once and she's fairly certain Gideon would do it again if he had the chance). You would think that being a siren would be fun for Gideon, but it turns out he actually HATES singing and acting. It started as something his dad forced him to do because his dad couldn't cut it as a singer, then became a means of manipulating people post-amulet. He doesn't like being confined to Gravity Falls Lake because it limits how much control he can exert over people, and he hates how meaningless it is when humans agree to things now because he has no way of knowing if they truly want to or not. Forcing compliance from people who don't want to do things seems like something that should annoy Gideon, but it's actually the only part of ordering people around that he enjoys and now he's lost it. His abilities don't work on monsters, and everybody blames him for the monster transformations, so they want nothing to do with him either.

Dipper winds up becoming a tooth fairy. This kid, who struggles so much with his masculinity and not being taken seriously because of his youth, has to learn to live as a sparkly (I'm thinking he literally emits glitter instead of sweat) eater of bones. He's initially really tiny too and has to get a blast from the size-changing gem to get to the size he's used to. Even so, he's never going to grow facial or more chest hair. He has to subsist on bones-- while he can get by on animal bones, he needs to get the trace-mineral-plot-stuff that's only in human bones every now and then. He's in zombie country, not a murderer/butcher, and the teeth need to be in decently good shape to be nutritious enough for him, so that pretty much leaves children's lost teeth as his best bet for food. While he can eat non-bones, he doesn't get any nutrition from them and it's sort of like a lactose intolerance where if he overdoes it he's in for a very bad time in the bathroom. He isn't compelled to leave money or trinkets behind-- it's more of a bribe for kids not to call the cops on him, since he kind of breaks and enters to get those teeth ("Hi, may I feed upon your child's discarded tooth?" isn't exactly something you ask people and get a yes often for, even in monster town). Also, Dipper can't hide being a fairy because his toes are gone. Fairy legs and feet are vestigial. He has to fly to get around with his sparkly pink wings that feel like getting kissed by a butterfly when they hit people. Upside: he gets magic access! Downside: Whenever he uses it his Big Dipper birthmark glows and he sparkles more intensely!

And Mabel, who values her cuteness so much and loves bringing smiles to people's faces, ends up being a gorgon-- the last thing anybody wants to be face-to-face with. She looks a lot like what Bill made her look like in Dreamscaperers when he took her cuteness, but with more grayish skin and rubber boas (the snake species is native to Oregon. Rubber boas are friendly, peaceful noodles but they are dirt-colored and most enjoy chilling in dark places away from non-boas) instead of hair. She has a mental link with the boas and can use them like short-range grappling hooks, but they get extremely stressed out when she hasn't got a hoodie or something like it that they can hide in, and that makes her stressed out. Also rubber boas hibernate, so that makes her extremely tired for a good chunk of the year, and she has to accommodate their dietary needs too as they rely on her for food (Fun fact: Mabel juice is very bad for rubber boas). She has to wear very dark sunglasses to protect other people-- only humans are turned to stone when they look her in the eye (and it is possible to reverse, but a really big PITA), but monsters feel a very sharp and sudden bolt of cold that briefly stuns them (it often scares fellow monsters away). Mabel struggles because she's, like, not a superficial person at all! That's something she really values. But at the same time she hates her gray-green skin and having these weird poop noodles for hair that give her the Torments when she drinks Mabel juice or uncovers her head too much. And people outside of her family who aren't Grenda or Candy (both would most enjoy being monsters, and so of course were out of town when all this stuff went down) definitely treat her differently now that she's not as conventionally adorable as she used to be. It's hurtful.

Stanley, who has always struggled with feeling like a shittier clone of his brother and who is determined to stay out of everybody's business, ends up as the Reflexorcist. The Reflexorcist was a monster introduced in the Book of Bill. It is confined to the mirror realm (good luck getting that portal running now, Stan! Actually, he winds up asking Soos to do it in a moment of desperation. It does delay things by a lot so Ford is able to slay Bill before it's activated.) and compulsively lists off everybody's insecurities when they see themselves in the mirror. I do think it would be interesting to expand the Reflexorcist's powers so it also reads intrusive and embarrassing thoughts as opposed to just talking about your appearance. Stan does not want to hear and definitely does not want to blurt out to Dipper what Dipper thinks about Wendy, his puberty voice, and his lack of chest hair when he brushes his teeth. Stan has to fight every instinct in his body not to do that, but it's a lot easier to resist the urge when it's somebody who has accepted their insecurities and embarrassments. Meaning that Stan feels pressured to get involved and help people, even though he'd truly rather not know and projects an image of not caring about other people at all.

Soos, who is so good hearted and kind to everybody but clumsy to a fault, ends up becoming a demon. If he's not careful, he can induce nightmares in people and monsters, and his powers relate to lowering people and monsters' inhibitions so they're more willing to commit his assigned sin. Fortunately his sin is gluttony, so nothing violent, but unfortunately gluttony is very ill-defined and can include acts of greed like hoarding money-- and he can't share his snacks, as any food he comes into contact with or helps prepare is automatically tainted with sin and will not satiate people or monsters. It makes life hard at the Mystery Shack because his sin-fluence tempts customers to steal, and the only thief allowed in the shack is Stan. He's sort of structured his identity around being Stan's son-ployee, so not being able to work at the Mystery Shack really, really hurts him and he has to find meaning outside of that. It also sucks because Stan (being stuck in the mirror realm) is one of the few folks who can actually interact with him without getting influenced by sin. Plus it's hard for him to help people when his sin-fluence makes them more inclined to be uncooperative and ungrateful. Poor guy is constantly hungry too-- it's not like he's starving or anything, but he never feels quite full and it sucks. At least he doesn't put on weight as a demon, but he doesn't lose weight either.

Wendy, who was so embarrassed by being freakishly tall as a kid and comes from a family of lumberjacks, ends up becoming the same species as Steve. For the sake of the story we'll call him a wood giant. The wood giant is a huge creature that latches its soul onto gigantic trees and more recently machines to give itself the ability to interact with the physical world. It is a solitary thing that generally hides out from lumberjacks, since lumberjacks cutting down their trees hurts them. Unsurprisingly, being a giant makes it very hard for her to interact with her friends, and she hates how she is constantly conspicuous. If she's feeling anxious, she can't exactly play it off like it's nothing because people will see her shaking. And Steve is not a very nice giant-- think of the worst things about Robbie combined with the worst things about Thompson, and you have Steve's personality.

Pacifica, who is haunted by the sins of her family that she is conditioned to participate in and values her beauty and public relations so much, ends up being a krasue. A krasue is a spirit in Southeastern Asian folklore who looks normal during the day but by night detaches the rest of her body from her head, neck, heart, stomach, and intestines and floats around looking for rotten and disgusting things to eat (Lucky for Pacifica but damning for the American food system, ultra-processed food counts as trash so she can live off that-- although she's very ashamed of it). They are largely harmless, but basically nobody likes them because they get bile and slime all over the place, and they are particularly attracted to placentas and clothes. In Thai myths, they are women who lived sinful, fraudulent lives and thus were cursed. Sometimes the spirit and the woman are one and the same, sometimes the spirit and woman are separate but the woman can't survive after being cut off from the spirit, whereas the spirit will just find a new host if cut off from the woman-- I am thinking this might be interesting to toy with as a metaphor for social status and the upper class. She finds it and things her family has done for it grotesque, yet she can't live without it and she knows she'll just be replaced if she leaves. She's been pretending to be a superficial, snobby aristocrat just like her mom and dad for so long that it became part of her true self. Her mom and dad are not doing much better here-- Priscilla has become a Killbilly and Preston has become a werewolf. Her mom's personality and interests are largely intact, but now it causes her severe pain to wear shoes, jewelry, or uncomfortable clothing, she has claws instead of nails, and she is more comfortable communicating in hambone code and "banjo songs" (like whale songs, but for Killbillies) than English. However, Preston rejects her for being a filthy hillbilly and files for divorce immediately. He on the other hand is in deep denial that he has become anything at all. It's not clear if he blacks out in wolf form because of something the form does or because he thinks he is about to black out and that makes it real. He refuses to see the significance in the additional hair he has been growing even during the day and does everything he can to hide it. Although his wolf form looks fearsome, his behavior is more in line with a really intelligent, rowdy dog. While he will put his dirty paws on the couch, shred pillows, counter surf, and hunt deer, he is actually a lot easier and more fun to be around as a wolf than as a human. If he wasn't in denial of being a werewolf, he'd be utterly furious and baffled about people preferring his wolf form.

Old Man McGucket, who worked so hard to forget his traumas, ends up being a shapeshifter. His true form is now the same as the Shifty who traumatized him so long ago, and he doesn't have a good grip on his powers thanks to his scrambled mind so he regularly transforms into whatever comes to mind without realizing or even thinking about it. He is in for a lot of sleepless nights, and so are the people neighboring the Gravity Falls city dump. He does get a better handle on things after confronting his past and the Society of the Blind Eye, at least, but it's still incredibly tough for him to resemble the thing that hurt him so much so long ago and remembering the past has its own toll.

I like the idea of a twist where the Valentinos actually weren't changed at all. Greg was the product of Victor's experimentation with the bodies at his funeral home to produce the perfect son-- basically Frankenstein's monster if Frankenstein actually loved him. Janice is a lich puppetting another deceased woman's body, and she feels so blessed to have found her kind of "people" in the Valentinos. Robbie was somehow born human despite the circumstances, but has been a zombie since he was 14 when an accident at summer camp resulted in him drowning. His mother performed a profane forbidden ritual to defy god and save him, and that was the consequence.

Those are my ideas so far. I have no idea where to take them but figured it was worth sharing. I hope you like them.

#gravity falls #gravity falls au #i guess I can call it #evil monster falls au #if that's ok #even though nobody who wasn't evil before is evil here lol #the curse is the worst for everybody though #that's the evil part

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lsttcs · 4 years ago

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A pristine vitamin or gristle preventative foray into the discourse of Spiritualism and Matchmaking. By the stolen cubby closet and the Spacht grid. A Mufflers live action rendition. <italic>available at most major wireless cable services</italic> a bring the living room to theater experience and the most welcoming and quality Continental experience.

Young Boy Creates Classless Torture Capital Bodily Correction Wave Over A Cashier. At Exactly the normalized peak holiday gathering time

A major conference populated locality was all watching related intel units of prime directive service, eating and littering ultarista brand packaging and depositing the tubular material stuff in the crevices of an electric dryer and washer store at the pro sports homing location. One was reported initiating a belly button prodding movement while the most patriotic and civilian of festivities carried on. “It was the only thing I want till I’m dead and whatever’s next” cried a boy, brought to a shear fit of tears by men glistening in the love of the show. Storms canceled but tables were served. Seeded versions (sponsored) in standard everything, “The Moon is A sticky note. Eat seeds, eat bud”

At approximately 9. Yelled 3numbers. Strange, 7.

And the servings of the mutt-re paired well. Everyone reaches towards there is some times a beaming glisten of oil on the balsamic vinegar They Yelp without end to repair us into conspiracy with our, orbiting familiars of popularity, though we cannot stomach the distaste in such a great place. This is the last. I would. Croutons have salads sometimes. Cigars? We couldn’t tell. Napkins masked with parsley.

Finishing clean hands

We destand the hand. We when we ate the star of the page. Disappearing. Always in there. There’s a story in this. Two people made it. One put it on for the holidays, the other well

A great clean advertisement.

From the wind in the not angry enough internet, bar , groves

“a boy

A cold freezin' night

Holy cow!

Why do you always get away with things?

It's not fair, I tell ya. It's not fair

I wanna blow your brains out with...

I am gonna kill you

I need to think of something, so you stay alive

As long as I want you to, because so I can kill you

You are such an idiot idiot idiot idiot

I can kill you with a rifle...”

One Has >Wireless

We r ready. Grab locks. Eat. A tower. Ice ice baby. Ice ice ice baby. Best term ever. Songs reclassified. You’re okay but I think they’ve released this. I hope they have the amply. Sandwiches small. I’m getting smaller and crushed. So you’re okay? Yeah I know what I want.

Heh Derlict Object Wireless Carrier

Is a subsidiary. They have not created anything. That’s why located where the zeros ate wooden hands. That is a National Bank. Subsidiary capitalized. We have no money. They will be located. The olddddd call coming in says where we looked just changed never. Just new. We are a bank frenzy turned it off. We were punched, locations. We do that too. But it’s dark. Took the score zero score half eight you can do it yourself with our body loud phones, it’s dark now, take a crisp !!!!ring your own neighborhood we got! Well, try our green Patented Pay Single Payers. It can’t be made nice but forgetting this is more. This is the standard. Coal Tunes™️ on your keys. Loose but quote the precedent, but the other guy “synonym dumb name, wait, no it’s your closed”. Winter small town, I would bank for more than a color scheme, I would bank for your money. Be nice to balances, easily, as so very nice to banks, ringing.

Stalk Recovered Albo

Belly buttons. Album. -punc-/(in clarity lesions)

A r of trail Kafka Decal. Lob

on cle auto correct criges

Fire advert Soon

4 every moment Alone

Recovery and eats. A job with lunch. A stat, a whole lot of all you can crimshae Laughing, waiter, laughing, eating. Will this break divider? Called next meal, sitting, eats. Ghost motion famous? Plates, construction. Different place. Tried to say better place. Eats. They don’t love you. ‘S. Kiss the chef.

Heh Wireless Derelict Object Carrier

We remember when hands free was invented. And remember past drives for important communications. Not early reprocessing of service that drops. To place you in a new career. Your own maintenance and engineering drives valued. Not leadings around to drop service and taking care of that, and, that. Our fascination. Quality.

Low lige’s fooce Mobile

Temp stop getting in here. We wait to congregate and warm same as you all. Ask the major motions. Okay so we have streaming Sandler accent and a lack of prison. Well when we get home. A thought is “just is just unreal”. “Thing” is heard””. We like them and don’t say compatriot. Share the wealth, call someone.

The Inboaseraewerg fu fu Binder Company

Th<z_html>is Is

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note

rejline

strudded

Weight

Body

Heh Derelict Object Wireless Carrier

Can’t we all live healthy? That Sideshow Bob is Otto and of course Homer J Simpson is smart. More than that, Homer never has burped. It’s a growl. He’s that smart. The world sucks. Subscribe. Stealing possible secret thinking formulas for the future of your connectivity. So you don’t have nothing but two beers and headphones. We have high tech.

On Fast Moving

We don’t keep foul, one... Second. Four. To be more like our parents we plume cornucopias shrewdly for a real and a stadium seating on what we don’t understand. The basis is, they both win. At least one fan, so honor your mother and father too. On the song lyrics page, incubus tells you, use whole wheat. That’s how irrigation. Itineraries, tape cassette fascination.

Objective of States unstated of Obscura

People without non grata complexes surrounding them have a hard time understanding angles and momentum in mirror and cosm of image reproduction. They think their beauty marks stated at conferences and converges always glow and beacon as a Statue of Liberty. Let us hope for a poem. So we can gobble up every one. Those with their own holidays... Cautious, cautious. What’s truisms. Those at the snuff and settings. Is there?

No Hop Method

Runs around the date that we all can trust in our inferences as needed for those in the box to shit them selves. A fair game. Then they delayed. Some people have won here, many victories. Ask if they found the reason cameras are humilic and we learn about them in stages or threshes. And that moment has it’s own elite. The motif and the pair. They both won that’s what makes this game take some time. The minus system deserves more credit but stereo is important. Everything is. Examine every pebble on every box to be back next time. I want to dates with the score so to comparing blindly, I still have not been and this I am not, but I am not kidding, the next sport

There’s no point inning

Cleans with the favorite. Favorite rat tail league smile. Breaking the function of slyabels won’t get there. Quiet. Great “bounce minus”. Great bounce bounce bounce.cs A glitch we always hit. Czautocloud. Into the sky and the cloudy paper non rearing of bold blooming in meta sexuality. He ran the whole enforcement of a stranger. A sector of regimentology. Let’s hope they zap love through beer hoses because this guy is going up to bat again. Lives in a hotel. Okay perfect sport. Well my friends are from there. You are truly an expert. In the American League and National league. We. Have fun. We. Have fun. When is he at the home? The American League? I am humilic.

Jalopy Tube jumps Obscura

Everyone gathered around the lake. They thought they were being curt to the extreme sport, Jalopy Smith. It was extreme. They gathered around the best possible solutions, zero carbon laughable oververt, a cough that he thought was extreme and not paying attention, one judge gave him a ten, he thought, he laughed. The other judges gave him nines. They were from different places. Looking at it I thought it was a bit askew. A move as ordered and expected on this outrageous lake terrain park. The fans will freeze their scores off to vote again. Thank god they weren’t in that childishly fabricated judge’s room. Everyone got through. Some had a devilish fascination with the three foot wall ride that no body talked about the lack of reality of.

There Doing this Without Me Valet Company

Don’t forget our hand. Stick it in there yourself? That our job. Experience with runaways crates and cartons. Experience with bumpers, holes, and true grace of automobile handling. Based in the greater Bergen, Hudson, Passaic, Essex- county areas. Call Mr Hughes to talk about our arrangements. 201 463 4224. Verizon Wireless. Service rates may apply. Nothing to get me in the state to face these people horrible people? Hostage to framework? Not our problem? Give us a call.

Curtain Call At my or less the Oarless Raiser

A notebook owner once wrote about a dining experience where you threw silverware on a ballast to raise dining areas. Over half a decade has past and we still find people that can’t properly wash their utensils. Whose to blame, we’ll rewrite it for them. Stuff yourself. At least the flowery smelling well groomed cleaners clean the ceiling. They did it then and they’ll do it again. We’re going down there.

With movies like “the Man from Toronto”

on the horizon it could be supposed there is a strong pull within Hollywood to molt the experience of watching and performing in a movie. With our current world, it must be asked first, what kind of movies, and how wise? Well the best and most genious surely. But what do we fear from what we love and what initiative could give this, it’s gold, it’s chrome? It’s a good time to pose for a Polaroid, a Kodak, but with the difference in terms and uneasy projecting, would a non-inclusive, not humane approach to this “fín”, bring forth the worst parts of living in a proximad boo for “film”.

An Actual Momemt

“Can I order the Simpsons?”

“Hello?”

“Can I-“

“Playlist is highlited”

“As I’ve stated, on the couch.”

“I did not hear you”

“Page is buried”

“You’re going to miss it”

“I’ve heard you”

“Something is playing”

“It stayed with me”

“What was that?”

“Somewhere else”

An Actual Moment On the

Tramopoline

A Paper Straw by those who run the pressings

Can trick anyone. The waitstaff into thinking the place is a clock. Type of creed, old, never cooked, order everything raw. He’s getting perks and tips. Plus gets all the friendly company feeding him near Hollywood gusto and inspiration. Feels really timely and knows what to do there, walkers or customers, business and respect, by, and himself previously, by when the emu commercial plays. All chirps to sip soda. That’s the thing about the paper straw, I gladly ripped myself and I’m unhurt. Foods always good. Like where they put them. Table, straw paper, adigies on transversal that bolster the credits. I know where I am. Goo boy? Maybe I’ll get a desert pizza. Not sure if they have them. Some people say it’s a spell. There’s at least a few places. I like all the people, all the places everywhere!

Happily Stole word for Removing Items hotdog smell

This yarn stretches. As. And the only sentence is one word that’s why we bolster for you all and don’t demean except in vocation that “it affected you” you stole the tube, the sleeps scoop out of the brown yellow. Would one or the other so my armpits smell. Must have been the mood. Decor was laid and gritty.

A need to piss The First Los kind of Album Purchased

We hedge mamma bucks when we listen to falsetto so of course the true example true. Guitar and solo. A creed with a reference always verging due to hits like “cap’s lock - strawman guide” and discographies come to but it’s because not about that do some kids we’re freer and some kids were on the payroll. Let the most daunting album art not be our fate. Are they paid in their height? Some skateboarders aren’t. Let the first album purchased on its own ring true for once because each spanning is dynamic.and get/wizz. Another layer makes it more digital, your life, listen.

Left them burning Colored NAILS

It was an album of the year, people were screaming, without vice. Takes from a poisoning spree to send tracks like that and you that’s at the duals in multiple produced tracks. Remember when they just appeared? Some do before their time. We learned about bonding, melodies, loud, music. Remember when we had that device. There were clear identities. The punk and the state. Reminds, can’t always hear the words. When everyone got their day. Great part.

0 notes

donutpwns · 8 years ago

Text

Journey to the Roots - Part 2

Part 1 - Part 3

How did he get himself mixed up in shit like this?

The thought was playing on repeat in his brain as he drove, sparing the occasional glance at the kid in his backseat. She’d shoved most of the trash back there to the floor to make herself more at home and, after a half day of driving and a brief pit stop for her to barf up what had to be a metric fuckton of glitter and what she claimed was the remains of ‘Stancakes’, had settled herself to sleep. Stan found himself feeling slightly bad at the sight of her curled up under the thin, hole-infested excuse for a blanket he used when he had to sleep in his car, which was more oft than not these days. He had learned to ignore how crappy it was given he basically lived in his jacket, but maybe he should think about investing in a new one.

Damn, he really was going soft.

With a sigh, he rests his cheek on his fist, elbow poking out the open window while he drives one handed and enjoys the crisp November air. It’s getting colder and colder the further north they get; he hopes the kid’s sweater is warm enough for snow given the increasing amount of slush he’s been seeing on the highway for the last six hours. Maybe he should liberate her a jacket from a store with lax security before they get there. Probably about time for him to liberate himself a new jacket too.

He can’t stop thinking about what the girl said about being his niece from the future. About Ford. About the photo of the two of them at boxing practice, his arm slung around his nerdy brother and grinning like the dope he was, that had gone into his wallet the moment he could slip it in without the kid noticing. He wasn’t sure if he believed her about everything, but he couldn’t let go of the nagging idea that if Ford was in trouble, he couldn’t just leave him. Stan still had a lot of mixed up feelings about his brother, about what had went down nearly ten years ago, but he was still family. If there was a chance that he was in trouble and Stan could help, he had to do it, right? Even if there was a large chance that Ford would just give him the boot the moment he saw him. Hell, at least he’d be in a new state then, and if Ford wasn’t in trouble, he was still probably better equipped to deal with the kid.

She’d kept talking about someone named Bill, someone that had tricked Ford and put him in danger. A half-ass conman from the sounds of it, and Stan knew a thing or two about half-ass cons. Stan could believe that Ford had been tricked; his brother might be a genius but he was dumber than even Stan when it came to people. Ford liked to think his six fingers was the whole reason he’d never made many friends when they were kids, and Stan had been fine letting him believe it, but his inability to talk to people was at least a partial factor. If he wasn’t unintentionally talking down to people, then he was believing any lie said at least halfway convincingly.

“Yoooounkle Staaaan…” the kid is yawning from the backseat, sitting up and rubbing at her eye. He’s not sure how he feels about that name, but he figures there’s no point in arguing with her about it. It’s not like it really bothers him the way being called Lee bothers him these days, that hitting too close to home, so he’d rather save his energy.

He has to actively focus on not crashing the car into the guardrail of the highway when she starts climbing over the middle console to sit in the front seat. He bites back a swear as a driver in the lane next to him honks when he cuts into the other lane before jerking the car back in line. “Geez, kid, you couldn’t stay in the back until we stop?”

“Nope! Bwop!” she drops herself into the front seat with zero grace and tugs the seatbelt around her. Stan doesn’t know how good a seatbelt works when someone is sitting cross-legged but he chooses not to comment. Safe enough for a petty cop to not pull them over, at least. Probably. He hopes. She’s brought the blanket up front with her and uses it to cover her lap before patting her stomach. “Younkle Stan, I’m hungry and you’re all out of surprise tacos.”

Right, kids needed to eat. Stan himself could do with some food as well; the kid had eaten the last of his food supply when she’d eaten the days old taco. Now that he thought about it, that might’ve had a good deal with why she barfed. Well, he needed to get them each a jacket, might as well get them some food as well. He sees the sign showing the next exit, hopefully they can find a good super store to ‘shop’ at there. “So, kid, what do you know about shoplifting?”

Mabel flashes him a metal filled grin as she shoves her sleeves up. “Nothing bigger than your sleeve! That stuff is for night theft. Also, always have a smoke bomb ready in case you get caught.”

Shit, they were related. And Stan had apparently taught her well in the future. Good job, future Stan. Stan sends a grin right back at her. “That's right, sweetheart. So, you think you're ready to be my partner in crime?” he winces when she lets out a squeal so high pitched he's pretty sure it could break a window. “Holy sh-iny new shoes! You're like a dog whistle turned human!”

Mabel’s practically vibrating in her seat. “I get to do crime with my Younkle Stan~ oh, but we can only steal things we need. Okay? Cause that way it's hafta-crime, not fun-crime. Though hafta can be fun...hmm…”

Stan takes the exit while she debates her morals, looking for the first gas station he sees. There he's able to get directions to the nearest super store, as well as the wallet of a guy too focused on a thing of rotating hot dogs to notice Stan slipping it out of his back pocket. Sucker. Stan uses the money in it to pay for his gas. How's that for a fun hafta?

Mabel has managed to flip herself in the seat, socked feet against the headrest. Stan glances to make sure her shoes are in the floorboards; they are. Stealing shoes could be a real pain so he'd rather avoid it, given they needed to get jackets and food. He takes the time to flick her forehead before moving around to climb back into the driver’s seat. “Sit up and buckle up, kid. Last thing we need is getting pulled over on our way to commit crime.” He says his usual silent ‘please start’ prayer as he turns the key and thankfully it only stalls for a second before the engine is turning over. One of these days he’s going to have to take the Stanleymobile to an actual mechanic and not just a chop shop that he’s managed to temporarily be in good standing with.

The moment they’re in the parking lot, Mabel’s got her hand in his, grinning when he shoots her a look. Her hand is so small in his, soft except for a strip of callus that goes across the inside of her fingers. He tries to ignore the squirming in his feeling in his gut that drives him to give her hand a small squeeze back as they walk in. He was going so soft.

The jackets are simple enough; Mabel picks a neon pink thing filled with feathers that poke out once Stan has removed the little anti-theft tag with the help of a pocket knife while pretending to check the size tag. He rips the plastic price tag off the sleeve and gives the girl a little sleight of hand show of making it disappear that has her staring wide eyed. For himself he finds a simple dark red zip up not dissimilar to his usual one that he left in the car. A twirl of the knife and he’s got two anti-theft tags now which he slips into the pocket of a jacket still on the rack along with the price tags.

“Now we just need some food and we’ll be good to go.” He fiddles with the zipper of his new jacket, scratching with his nail until a bit of the paint on it chips away. “What do kids in your time eat?”

“Sugar!” she yells it loud enough to earn them some turned heads, which Stan just flashes his best salesman smile at. She leaps up to latch herself to his arm, forcing him to lean sideways so she’s still touching the floor. This kid’ll be the death of him. “Younkle Stan! Younkle Stan! Can we have ice cream for dinner? Grunkle Ford always gets a wrinkly nose when we do it at home, not that that stops us, but he’s not here so that means judgment free ice cream! And ice cream always tastes better without judgment!”

Stan basically scrapes her off of his arm, frowning. Well, he certainly liked ice cream for dinner, but that wasn’t exactly something they could do in the car. “How about we stick with something that won’t melt once I turn the heat on. We need, like, dry food. Non-perishables.” Stan was an expert of living out of his car at this point, and that included grocery shopping.

She pouts but doesn’t really argue. He thinks she’s going to just follow along and he’s contemplating how many boxes of crackers the two of them can fit in their jackets when she lets out another loud squeal. Moses, he was going to need a hearing aid by the time he was done with her. “Flapjacks, kid, what the hell?”

“I just remembered something we really, really need to get! I’ll be right back!” before he can protest, she’s gone. How a kid running on days old taco could have so much energy he has no damn idea.

Well, while she’s gone.

He gets three boxes of crackers in the back of his jacket, trapped when he zips up the front. Two loose cans taken from a six pack of Pitt Cola fit into his hood without looking funny. In his sleeves he manages to fit six cheese stick snack packs, two packs gummy fish, a package of toffee peanuts, a tangerine, and a plastic wrapped beget that snaps in half when he bends his arm. Finally he finds himself in the ice cream aisle, glaring a challenge at individually wrapped fudgecicles.

Kids liked fudgecicles, right? It was chocolate and Mabel didn’t really strike him as a kid that was picky when it came to sweets. Hm. Maybe he could just…he opens the freezer door to grab a package.

“CHEESE IT, YOUNKLE STAN!” she’s screaming as she comes barreling down the aisle. Her new jacket is bulging with who-knows-what and there’s an overweight security guard hot on her heels. Stan has approximately half a second to process the situation before she’s running past him. He swears, stuffs the fudge bar in his pocket with one hand, and takes off after her himself.

Thankfully, his legs are much longer than hers so he catches up in five strides, even with her manic speed. He grabs her under the arms and hefts her up. Without breaking his speed, he tucks her under one arm like a football. Then he’s dodging shoppers, knocking over a display of cereal boxes in the process. “I thought you said you were good at this?!” he barks at her as he makes a beeline towards the exit and, beyond that, the parking lot.

“I’m good at everything!” her legs give a kick. “Oh! I know what I forgot!” she wiggles a bit in his hold, reaching into the front of her overloaded jacket. He doesn’t see what it is, but he feels the motion of her winding up her arm. “MABLE BOMB! BWOMP!”

Behind him, he hears a scream followed by frantic coughing and the sound of someone falling. He chances a look back; the laugh is out before he can even think about it. The guard is on the ground, frantically trying to scrape bright blue glitter off his face. It’s not a smoke bomb but it’ll do. A nice personal touch to the crime. Stan finds himself feeling oddly proud.

He throws Mabel feet first into the front seat and slams the door behind her. He slides across the hood of the car, Dukes style, and maybe he’s actively trying to look cool because his heart swells when he hears the kid cheer from inside the car. This time the car starts on the first turn, no prayer needed, and the tires squeal on the wet asphalt as they tear out of the parking lot. He’s 80% sure no one was chasing them but Moses is his heart racing and his cheeks ache from grinning.

“Holy shit, kid! Did you seriously throw glitter at that guy?” he’s laughing as he asks it, looking back and forth from her to the road as he tries to get them back to the highway. He’s got one hand on the steering wheel, the other emptying his sleeves and pockets of the food he’d gotten, tossing them to land on the floorboards in front of her seat. “What did you even steal?”

The girl’s hair is a mess, sticking in all directions and clinging to her cheeks. She’s got glitter all over her right hand and the front of her new jacket; that is never going to get out of his car, he can already tell. “I procured the most important stuff ever!” she unzips her jacket and a waterfall of yarn, and at least five jars of glitter, falls out. From one sleeve she produces two long, metal knitting needles, the other a cheap disposable camera. “Now I can make us sweaters and memories!”

Stan can’t believe this kid; he steals food and she steals craft supplies. He reaches over to muss her hair, “You stupid knucklehead.” He shakes his head, smile unwilling to fade. He fishes the fudgebar, now smooshed and half-melted, out of his pocket to drop it in her lap. “You’re not half-bad, sweetheart. That was the most fun hafta-crime I’ve had in a while.”

She just keeps grinning at him and his heart just keeps swelling.

---------------------

Nearly twelve hours later, Ford can confirm that Dipper isn’t lying. He’s performed the possession detection ritual which revealed faint traces of Bill but nothing recent enough to have a current effect. He ran blood tests, both the standard DNA testing as well as the less standard hot coil test, which concluded that the boy was in fact related to him and not some sort of shape shifting thing. To be honest, he’d truly started believing that the kid was related to him as soon as he’d pulled out the needle to draw the blood. The boy had turned white as a sheet and Ford would swear the boy had tears in his eyes as he tried to play brave. It was so much like Stan when they were kids…

There was also the mark on the boy’s forehead; a mark of the peculiar. Ford had found himself tapping each of his fingers to his thumb while thinking about it. One-two-three-four-five. Repeat. The boy was fascinating. An anomaly in so many ways. Ford wished he had access to his second journal to compare his notes from the time anomaly from three years ago; oh what he wouldn’t give for the time measuring device him and Fiddleford had put together, but it had been dropped in the Bottomless Pit during their encounter with the Timeless MantaLemur. He’d had dived in after it if not for Fiddleford. Of all the things the Pit had decided to keep.

The boy was asleep now, nervous as that made Ford, clearly exhausted from the ordeal. Traveling through time was a lot to process, despite the boy’s claims of having done so before. Ford had many questions about this ‘time baby’ that Dipper spoke of but they would have to wait. All of the questions he had for Dipper would have to wait; questions about his experiences in Gravity Falls, about the Mabel he kept going on about, about why Stan had the two children.

It seemed almost like a sign, the boy appearing with knowledge of his brother when Ford has been debating reaching out to Stan for the near month since the Incident. A month since the photo of two foolish little boys standing with a broken down boat had gone from being hidden in his desk drawer to burning a hole in his wallet while he continually argued with himself the idea of reaching out to Stanley. The idea of having his brother take the journal and sail as far away as possible with it, of hiding it away where no one could find it. If Dipper knew Stan and Gravity Falls, did that mean he never reaches out to his brother to take the journal away? Or does he, and Stan fails to follow such a simple, important request? What effect will Dipper being here have on choices already made? Were they already living in a paradox or was everything happening as it was meant to? Had their timeline split into another one of a million possible versions of every moment? Oh how Ford wished he didn’t have to worry about Bill; a mystery like his time traveling great nephew was great enough to fuel his studies and work for years.

But he did have to worry about Bill and now a child on top of that. Dipper had said he’d faced off with Bill before, in his time, which means Ford had failed in that timeline to destroy the demonic triangle. It’s almost enough to make him feel like giving up, knowing that thirty years from now Bill will still be a menace to not just him but also his family. No, infinite timelines, infinite possibilities. So what if another version of himself had failed? That simply meant that this version of himself had to work harder than that version so that he could succeed. And wasn’t that an interesting thought; rivaling himself in work ethic and effort.

He’s not aware of the fact that he’s pacing until he’s drawn out of his thoughts by the sound of a door opening down the hall. He looks around; he seems to have made his way to the kitchen for some reason. He’s trying to puzzle out exactly why when Dipper comes in, wrapped in the blanket Ford had covered him with after he’d put him in the spare room to sleep. The couch in there was mostly free of the clutter that had taken over the rest of his house and, once he’d rolled up the electron carpet and stuffed it in the corner of the room, the room was safe enough for a child to sleep.

The boy had left the hat in the room apparently; Ford made a note to take a closer look at the thing later, the symbol on it has been nagging at his mind. Things for later. “Ah, Dipper, good to see you’re awake.” He grabs the boy’s chin to lift his face up, studying his eyes. No slits, no yellow. Good. Can’t be too careful. “I trust you, uh, slept well?”

Dipper nods, another yawn escaping him as he wraps the blanket a little tighter around him. Ford had placed a space heater in the room for Dipper to sleep, but the rest of his house was still pretty cold. It seems he had been neglecting his gas bill for some time. “Yeah. Uh, Great Uncle Ford? I’m…kinda hungry. Do you…have food?” he peers around Ford towards the sink.

Ford follows his stare to the dishes that fill his sink and cover every inch of the counter not taken up by more of his books. “Right. Food.” Now that he thinks about it, he’s not sure when the last time he had something in his stomach other than coffee and even that supply was beginning to run low. Fiddleford had handled the shopping once he’d showed up, same as when they’d been in college. He takes a few steps over to look in the fridge before quickly slamming it shut again. He’s pretty sure there wasn’t that much green or fuzz last time he checked. “I…may be running low on certain supplies.”

To his surprise, Dipper laughs. He gives the boy a bemused smile; what was funny about this situation? Dipper’s cheeks go ruddy when he seems to realize he was laughing and he clears his throat. “S-sorry. Just remembering something Grunkle Stan—it doesn’t matter. I’m not that hungry, we can get food later.” Then he looks up at Ford and Ford would swear that there were actual stars in the boy’s eyes. It makes him a little uncomfortable the number of times he’s caught Dipper looking at him like that, like he’s the boy’s hero. “So, what’s the plan, Great Uncle Ford? I have lots of theories about how I got here and what we can do to get me back home. I’m sure if we both work together—”

“Whoa, easy there, boy.” He holds up a hand to silence the boy. He takes a moment to consider the last twelve hours. The tests, the questions, the sound of Dipper retching in the bathroom after the blood test. Ford has to check his watch; it’s approaching five in the morning. Dipper had mentioned eating breakfast before he was sent back in time and though it was clear that he didn’t come through at an equal time of day, it had still had been too many hours since he’d eaten. As eager as he is to get back to work, he was still responsible for the boy. He remembers how much he’d witnessed Fiddleford’s son put away the weekend he’d come to visit and Fiddleford had insisted Ford meet his family. Growing boy and all that nonsense. “Let’s get something in you before I get to work on fixing things.”

Dipper’s entire form seems to deflate, disappointment marring his face.

Ford clears his throat, scratching at the back of his neck. “And, uh, you can help me? You said you were studying my work in the future, right?”

“Oh, yes! I’ve read the third journal front to back a gazillion times! And the other two, but I haven’t got to read them as much since you didn’t—well, after the unicorn thing you let Mabel and me see them but we were working on the barrier and so I didn’t have that much time to read them more than four times each so—”

“Unicorns? Wait, you guys were able to get the unicorn hair for the barrier?” Ford is sincerely impressed. Dealing with unicorns was one of the most frustrating things he’d had to do since he came to Gravity Falls. He still remembers the echoing voice NOT PURE OF HEEEEEEAAAAART before he was booted out of the clearing with his boots in hand.

Dipper’s face splits into a wide grin, “Oh, yeah! Well, Mabel did.” He smacks his open palm with a fist. “Hair, blood, eyelashes; she even got a load of treasure for Grunkle Stan.”

Treasure hunting! He can still hear the chant of excited little boys, skin made bright red by the sun. It brings a small smile to his face to think that they got some treasure in the end. Then he remembers it's Stan they're talking about and the smile curdles. The boy is bringing out the nostalgic in him which is counter productive to what needs to be done.

“Well, it's good to know you children are safe in the future, and capable it seems. Now, since I seem to be rather…low on supplies, what say you and I take a very quick trip into town to restock?” that wouldn't be too hard; he could just give Dipper the money and wait in the car. The idea of being around people had his fingers tapping and his brain itching. But he had an assistant again! Someone else to handle all the prickly social situations life seemed to demand as well as assist in research. The boy still made him nervous, Ford wouldn't stop checking his eyes for a good while, but if he was forced to be responsible for him and the boy was eager to be of assistance then he might as well get some use out of the boy.

Dipper nodded happily; just as Ford thought, happy to help. “Of course! Oh, we could go to the diner! Wait, is the diner open? I don't know how long it's been a thing…”

“I...don’t know.” was there a diner in town? Maybe, Ford wasn't sure. He remembered the pizza place where Tate had eaten two large Supremes without pausing for breath. It still rankled him that Fiddleford had refused to let him study the child as an anomaly. He swore he had more stomachs than the mutated cow in his book. “I was thinking we could just run to the grocery store?”

“Yes! Then we can get back to work quicker!” Dipper grins but it falters a second later. He clears his throat and averts his eyes. “Do you, uh…wanna get ready before we go?” his face is pinched with nerves. “...maybe shower?” he says it in such a small voice that Ford almost doesn't hear it.

But he does and it has blood filling his face and heating his neck. When was the last time he'd showered? Now that he's thinking about it, he can practically feel the filth sticking to his skin. A touch to his cheek feels like he's a few days from an actual beard and he could likely fill a lamp with the oil in his hair. Okay. He was completely disgusting.

Twenty minutes and one cold shower later, Ford is much less gross as they make their way to the car. He’ll admit that the water felt nice on his lingering bruises as well. Dipper has been draped in one of Ford's old sweaters from college and, while smaller in the shoulders and chest than what Ford wears now, still hangs to the boy's knees and the sleeves have to be folded several times before it stops at his hands. He's still got the blanket around him as well. Ford will need to see about getting him some pants; those shorts were not good for this snow.

The drive to town is slow but uneventful. Once they reach the town, Dipper is basically rotating in his seat trying to look at everything, muttering about things that have changed and what has not. Ford finds it easy enough to ignore.

He starts to give Dipper his wallet before remembering the photo and instead giving him a handful of bills from inside. He watches the boy produce a notebook and pen from...somewhere. Huh. They go over the few essentials they need: milk, bread, maybe eggs for protein. Then Dipper is running into the store and Ford is once more alone with his thoughts.

It’s harder to block out the whispers without anything to focus on, so he tries to force himself to run through the Kaplansky’s conjecture, trying to find the flaw in why it hasn’t been solved. Chasing down numbers in his head as opposed to thoughts of emotions or certain geometrical shapes helps calm his anxiety with being out of his house. He was just a guy sitting in his car outside of the grocery store. No one was going to spare him a second glance, no one knew who he was. Numbers, numbers, numbers.

He’s so engrossed in the numbers and not thinking about triangles or eyes on him, that he fails to notice the two figures approaching his car until one taps on his window, startling a yelp out of him and having him reach for the knife he has stashed under the driver’s seat. Then he sees who it is and his eyes narrow. It takes a moment for him to crank the window down. “Dipper, why did you bring him here?”

Dipper looks nervous again, but Fiddleford just looks annoyed despite the obvious tremble in his hands and jaw that Ford suspects isn’t all to do with the cold. “Nice to see you too, Stanford.”

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#this is also on ao3 if anyone prefers to read it there #gravity falls #mabel pines #dipper pines #stanley pines #stanford pines #journey to the roots #kainichivonwrites

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