#Animorphs Aloud

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

In case they haven’t been mentioned on this blog, I’d like to give a shoutout to Animorphs Aloud! It’s a currently still updating fan production reading through Animorphs, and they release a new chapter every few days. The narrator of it is so good at doing distinct and emotional performances for each of the cast, and I’d def recommend it for anyone that wants to reexperience Animorphs!!!

Thank you for the rec — I hadn't heard of this one! I love the fan production of the Megamorphs 1 audiobook, so I have high hopes for Animorphs Aloud being just as good.

[tunashei]

First Impressions of Animorphs!

I'm listening to the Animorphs series while I work, through Animorphs Aloud - a fan made reading of the series. Here are my first impressions/random thoughts about them! Spoilers below if you haven't read them.

Book 12.5: The Andalite Chronicles (Part 3)

Well this part is titled 'an alien dies' and we just lost all the oxygen in the airlock sooo short chapter I guess :D

This might be out of the blue but I want to know more about the real Jahar. What is she like. How's she doing

But he LIVED

Appreciate that, although they do a lot of dumb stuff in Animorphs, they also make smart and logical decisions often. Working together is the only option here, I like that they acknowledge that and don't just start fighting for no good reason

Aaaand then Elfangor just tells the Visser how the time matrix works. You dummy

I wonder why Andalites live in scoops. Seems to be a mostly outdoor area, would it being in a hole not make it prone to flooding? I guess it would keep wind out

Ooooh they've glitched the matrix. The descriptions of the sky being panels of various planets sounds exactly like a texture glitch in a videogame. They've merged all their homeworlds together...that's going to be instant chaos. Andalites charging into Yeerk territory to finish the war while humans stand to the side screaming AAAAA ALIENS

The Andalite method of eating really amuses me. I mean it makes sense! We crush food with our teeth, they crush it with hooves. Though we have to then digest it and they seem to be able to instantly get the nutrients

Ah seems they've created an entirely new reality, not actually merged their real homeworlds. Is this universe they're in the only universe now? Can you just make whole new universes with the Time Matrix...it's like a developer program

WHEEL CREATURES. Didn't do it as well as Mulefa, but still neat

Heh, humans are pretty good at throwing stuff. It's one of our special skills

So Mortrons are like hydras, if you split them in half they form two separate Mortrons, split them in half and you have four. What do you reckon the limit is? Visser Three goes up to sixty four but like...where are they getting the mass from?

Oh my god Loren is mounting the man. That's GOTTA be taboo right?? Be the equivalent of going up to a human, wrapping your arms around them and spooning them from behind. Welp Elfangor doesn't seem to mind. Ride em' cowgirl

And now he's literally munching carpet

...just had a thought. How is Elfangor fitting in this house? It's not a big one, and he manages to climb the stairs. You could not fit a horse in a house surely? Are American houses that big? But he has to be big enough for a human to ride with no problems. Hm

Time Matrix DID create a whole new universe, powered off imagination. I want one. So bad

They've been feeding the humans grass oml 😭

If the food is real, the all-acne-no-eyes guy is also real. Sad for him

A bigmac meal for $4.00/£3.00...TAKE ME BACK

This might not actually be the case for Andalites, but I wonder how a species would evolve if it needed lots of space for each individual. Humans can go real compact with our needs, we can cram so many of us into small spaces and get by (although we tend to go slightly insane when really cramped)

Now he's into being ridden. Boooooooi

...why is time accelerating towards the middle though

aaaaaaa having toenails long enough to stick out of shoes sounds PAINFUL I legit winced at this. Also hair doesn't work like that it has a maximum length

Loren: I'll hit a motherfucker with ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER

Elfangor: That's Hot

Very climactic final battle and then the Visser just walks away. Bye dude!

🤨

Most powerful weapon in the galaxy and Elfangor just buries it in the woods. Love it

I like that he got his yellow mustang when he became human

The rules of this timeline Loren has made are pretty confusing. It had to link with the previous kidnapping and acquiring Time Matrix events so the was continuity, but also you can alter it so everyone believes she was always 18, and now this Ellimist is saying Elfangor's brother doesn't exist in this timeline? Why wouldn't he?

Dick move Ellimist. But also, this kid has Elfangor as a dad, but Elfangor's human morph is made up of several other humans blended together. So the kid actually has like...12 dads or something

WAIT IS ELFANGOR TOBIAS'S DAD???

Kind of surprising the Time Matrix didn't just get dug up considering it's now in a construction site

Damn he totally is Tobias's dad. Didn't see that coming

Loren got so fucked over by this whole thing they didn't even ask her if she would be ok with 'fixing' the timeline. Just abandoned and memories erased but I guess not completely because it drove her crazy. Sad

Well. That was a wild one! The books that explore aliens are my favourite and this one was a real stunner, I'm glad we got to meet Elfangor properly and get to know him - makes his death hit way harder now :( Cool that Tobias is technically part alien, and Ax's nephew. Lot of twists and turns in this one I had no idea where they were going to take it. #Justice for Alloran

[daughterofluthien]

Wait no reblogging myself bc the sheer amount of things in book 11 that (unintentionally I’m sure) parallel the finale is making me lose my mind

After the blade ship showdown, they crash in the jungle, we have a tense scene where they’re worried about their only mode transport (the bug fighter) being captured by Visser 3 et al. The hork-bajir are closing in, and they can escape OR sabotage the bug fighter, but probably not both.

A few tense moments of indecision later, Jake has his first instance of

~Sending a friend on a suicide mission~

Much just like he will 3 years later, Tobias is the only person to explicitly call Jake out for this decision.

ANOTHER fun (read: sad) parallel to later dynamics—after Jake is convinced to send backup after Ax, he assumes that Rachel is the only one who understands that some losses may be necessary

Anyways, this third cycle of books is imo where the lasting character dynamics and coping mechanisms start to be established, and wow is book 11 really leaning in hard to all of that

Vs

Jake, #11 The Forgotten // Marco, #54 The Beginning

I am chewing glass I am going feral!!

Something something six years later and they’re still here! No matter how hard they try they can’t escape the war!!

(And they want to try, they try to try, but they’ve made their decisions, and all it’s brought them to is right back where they started)

And it’s the blade ship! Both times, it’s the blade ship!

[kooldewd123]

no piece of media has ever managed to make me feel like i was in a different time period quite as strongly as animorphs book 16, where they infiltrate aol and spend the entire time spouting computer lingo nobody has spoken aloud in the past decade and a half. the book opens with marco bragging about his top-of-the-line modem, with a whole 56,000 bits per second, and really that just sets the tone for the entire adventure.

[houseofmarcella]

I got into animorphs a while ago through some youtube videos, but recently (and through the wonderful work of Animorphs Aloud) I’ve been reading through the entire series and it’s genuinely so absurd to me how good these books are. Like… the plots are either spectacularly well done, or funny enough that they’re enjoyable without worry, the characters are all so real in the way they interact with the war and their world, the meta is great, the fight scenes are interesting, the LORE is spectacular… I need more animorphs content like a woman starved KA Applegate you have my heart please write more YA and Adult books you would do great.

[tathrin]

You know I have to ask about Animorphs: Back to the Beginning

Ahh okay, so I honestly don't think I'll ever actually write this one because frankly, one rewrite-the-series-AU is enough for me thank you (and also everyone and their mother has already at least toyed with the concept of "what if one/some of the Animorphs went back to the start of things?" fics anyway) ...so I'm just going to post everything I do have:

"Ram the Blade Ship," I said.

There was a tingle, something like a shock although not painful, that ran through me. I drew my hand away from the side of a blue box—of the Blue Box.

<Go now,> a voice in my head said. <Only remember this—never remain in animal form for more than two of your Earth hours. Never! That is the greatest danger of the morphing! If you stay longer than two hours you will be trapped, unable to return to human form.>

"What," I said, unable to process what my eyes were seeing. "What is—where?"

"Oh man," said a voice that was both more familiar than my own and yet strange. "Oh man, this is—this can't be happening. Jake…"

It was Marco, but he sounded wrong. Sounded…sounded young.

I looked down at my hand, at my weirdly small fingers. I looked up at the bright green eyes of Elfangor, staring at me.

<You must go!> he said. He was scared—I could feel it, a dread crawling up my spine that was even more familiar than my too-small fingers and Marco's too-young voice. His main eyes turned away from me to stare up at the sky. <Visser Three! He comes,> Elfangor said.

I was shaking, but not because of Visser Three.

"Oh man," Marco said again. His eyes were as wide as saucers, the rims of white around the dark pupils standing out like headlamps against his brown cheeks. "Jake…does he mean…?"

I couldn't speak. I could only nod. Because if this was Elfangor—if this was the moment I thought it was, the moment it couldn't possibly be, then that wasn't Visser Three up there. That was Visser One. Only he wasn't, yet. And that meant…

<Run!> Elfangor said again. He sounded frustrated with our paralysis, but mostly he just sounded scared. Had he always sounded this scared, and I hadn't noticed it through my own fear? Or was my own fear what was coloring the sound of his voice in my head, now?

<Visser Three is the most deadly of your enemies,> he was explaining worriedly. <Of all Yeerks he alone has the power to morph. The same power you now have. Run!>

"Rachel?"

It was Tobias's voice. He didn't sound too young, because his thought-speak voice had never aged the way our human voices had aged, but the twisted pain and hope and love in his voice made him sound somehow even more unfamiliar than Marco did, here on the other end of adolescence. Or maybe it was just that Tobias was speaking aloud, which he so rarely did.

"No, we'll stay with you," said a voice that I heard almost every night as I tossed myself awake, a voice that was young and strong and already so, so brave in the face of dangers that she still didn't understand, dangers that she'd died facing down with her head held high.

"Maybe we can help," said Rachel, and the world seemed to stop around me.

<No,> Elfangor said, although I barely heard him through the roar that was Rachel drawing breath to protest so close beside me. The roar of Rachel breathing. <You must save yourselves. Save yourselves and save your planet! The Yeerks are here.>

I didn't look up; I couldn't look away from the sight of my cousin, alive.

Rachel, alive.

She was staring at the sky, and I could see Cassie—so young, so scared!—beside her, looking up as well, but for once I didn't have any attention to spare for the girl that I had once thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, because I was looking at the girl I'd gotten murdered instead.

I was looking at Rachel, and she was alive.

It was Marco who jolted into action, who managed to see that bright clear line stretching out ahead of him enough to pull his eyes away from the sight of a living, breathing Rachel Berenson while Tobias and I were still staring, dumbfounded and disbelieving.

"Run with us," he said to Elfangor. "You can heal, and we'll be able to fight the Yeerks better with you than on our own."

<If I run, they will chase me,> Elfangor said. <If I do not die here, they will never stop hunting me. They will burn this human city and everything in it to the ground to find me. You will die, and I will die, and the Yeerks will win.> One of his eye stalks turned to stare into the darkness of the construction site, and I had a moment to wonder if he was thinking about other options—thinking about what he'd really come to this place seeking, before he'd found all of us instead—but his sad smile remained fixed on Marco's face. If he thought about changing his mind, running, it wasn't a thought he entertained for long. <Wounds or no, I cannot live through this night. Visser Three will not allow it, and I will not allow Earth's only chance at hope to die alongside me. You must run.>

"Jake, I…I think we need to," Cassie said, and her eyes were on the dark shapes in the sky and her voice was small.

"Yeah," I said, and the response was as automatic as it was true. I licked dry lips and looked at Elfangor. "Okay," I said. "We'll fight them. The Yeerks. We'll fight them, and we'll stop them. I promise."

"Yeah," Marco said, laughing shakily, "it'll be just like riding a bike. Unless we don't get out of here right now, and get flash-fried by the Yeerks instead." Despite his words, he still paused to look at Elfangor. His face was turned away from mine so I couldn't see the expression that passed across it, but I saw him nod once—maybe in respect, maybe in forgiveness, maybe in farewell—before he punched my shoulder and turned to run.

I forced myself to my feet, feeling as awkward and out of place in my own body as though I were wearing an unfamiliar morph. "Tobias, pull it together," I said, and then Rachel's hand was in mine and Cassie's was in hers and we were running, Marco on our heels, and my brain whirling in a million different directions at once but somehow amidst every thought and fear and scream inside my head, all I could focus on was the feel of Rachel's hand—warm, solid, alive—against my own.

I glanced back once and almost tripped over my suddenly clumsy feet. Rachel kept me upright—even then, she was strong enough to do her own running while looking after Cassie and me, too; words that I had spoken so many years ago they had happened in a different lifetime came back to me suddenly, the boastful swagger of a teenage boy trying to show-off in front of his crush and sounding like a sexist dweeb in the process, and I almost laughed.

Instead I shouted, "Tobias! Move!"

He was still crouching beside Elfangor—beside his father—and for a minute I was worried that he wasn't going to get up, that he was going to wait too long this time and die right there in the construction site before he even got his wings. Tobias had his hand on Elfangor's cheek, and Elfangor had his hand on the back of Tobias's head and all four of his eyes were closed as though in meditation or some kind of trance. A flash of memory reminded me that Tobias had stayed behind the first time we'd met Elfangor, too, and had gotten some kind of memory-download that had told us so much of what we'd needed to know in those first, frantic days—but we didn't need that now, we knew so much more now than what Elfangor could tell him. There was no reason to dally this time except for sentiment, and we didn't have time for Tobias to waste on that. I understood the impulse, of course I did, but this was a war and Tobias knew better—!

Then Elfangor's head rocked back, all four of his eyes spinning to focus on Tobias's face, and finally Tobias pushed himself to his feet, his fingers trailing behind him for another half-second yet while Elfangor's frail Andalite hand reached out almost as though trying to grab and stop him from leaving. Then Tobias pulled away and Elfangor's hand fell and Tobias was running, stumbling heavily over the loose junk and potholes of the construction site and over his own unfamiliar human feet.

A beam of bright red light snapped on. The spotlight from the Bug fighter was joined by a second, both fixed on Elfangor and his ship. The Yeerks didn't know that there was anything else in here they should be concerned about, didn't know there was anything else here that was a danger to them—but we weren't yet, were we? My head was still reeling, trying to figure out what was going on, what had happened and even more importantly than why, how—but if my hands were small and Marco's voice was young and Rachel was alive, then we probably didn't have any morphs we could use yet, did we? That would mean we weren't a danger, not yet—but we would be.

I silently promised whatever messed-up craziness was going on that no matter what, we would be.

The five of us crouched together behind a low, crumbled wall. As the Bug fighters descended, I looked sideways at Marco and Tobias.

Marco mouthed a three-word question, and I shook my head. "Elimist?" I hissed back, and shrugged. It was the only thing that made sense—not that anything did make sense, but that was the only thing that came close, even after everything.

"But why?" Marco whispered.

I shook my head again. I didn't know. I didn't know anything.

But Rachel was crouching only a few inches away from me and she was alive. I wasn't sure that there was anything else that mattered, next to that.

As the Blade Shipe descended, bringing both its old familiar chill and the newer, stranger sensation of a deja vu beyond anything I had ever experienced in my life—we had just seen that ship, had just rammed that ship, and now here were both were, somehow back at the moment of our very first meeting—my gaze kept going back and forth between it and my cousin. My living, breathing cousin. There was fear on her face, a fear that I could barely remember on the other side of the bravado that she had so long ago adopted in its stead, but her jaw had the same stubborn set I knew from so many fights and losses. How had anyone ever looked at this girl and seen anything but a warrior?

How had anyone ever looked at her and thought they could send her off to die?

When Cassie started to scream, I was so startled I almost shrieked myself. It had been so long since any of us had been so unaccustomed to fear as to scream because of it that I froze, unsure of what to do.

It was Marco who leaned across me and clamped his hand over her mouth, Marco who hissed, "Quiet, or we're dead!" in her ear. Cassie stopped screaming and swallowed, but I could see her shaking. I put a hand on her shoulder and nodded at Marco, letting him know that I had it from here—that I was functional, ready to deal.

He raised his eyebrows at me but nodded and let go of Cassie, sinking back into his crouch. I put my other hand on his shoulder, a silent thank you—or maybe just the need to know that he was real, that even if this was all really happening at least I wasn't alone.

I heard Elfangor's voice in my head, telling me things I already knew about the Hork-Bajir. I looked the other way, towards Tobias where he was crouched at the end of the line of Animorphs. His eyes were fixed on Elfangor, but his fingers were wrapped around Rachel's. From the tightness of his grip, I doubted that he was ever going to let go.

"Did you hear that?" Cassie whispered. "Please, tell me you all heard that too!"

Rachel nodded. If Tobias's white-knuckled grip hurt, she didn't show it. "Yeah," she said.

Elfangor continued speaking, telling us how the Hork-Bajir had been enslaved (but not the role the Andalites had played in their suffering, of course) and that they were to be pitied.

"Pity. Right," Rachel said grimly. "They're walking killing machines. Look at them!"

I didn't look at the Hork-Bajir. I looked at Rachel, jarred by the uncharacteristic words she'd spoken—but then I realized, we didn't yet know better. We didn't understand what being a Controller meant, didn't understand what the Hork-Bajir had suffered. We hadn't met Jara Hamee and Ket Hapek. We hadn't met Toby, or any of the free Hork-Bajir. They didn't have a valley yet. They didn't have hope.

I swallowed hard, and fought the urge to be sick. This was too much. It had been too much to handle the first time, too, but in a different way. This was…

This was too much.

I stared at the Taxxons as they crawled out of the ships, my eyes unfocused and my brain far away. I distantly heard Marco mutter, "Pity them more, I think," but I wasn't thinking about the Taxxons. I was trying to remember every detail I could about this night, about the first time I'd lived through it. That was weird, because I'd once thought that I'd remember every single second of it with perfect clarity for as long as I lived—and in a way I did, but in another way I didn't, either. Memory was malleable, and changed with time. That was something I'd learned during the months after the war, when we'd all been struggling to recall dates and details and the neat order of events in order to explain them to other people, but I don't think I'd realized how soft memory really was until I was living one again as if it was for the first time.

The Yeerks had spotted us, and we'd had to run, and Chapman had ordered us killed. That was after Elfangor had died, though; it had to have been, because we all remembered watching that. All remembered watching Visser Three kill him—eat him. So we weren't actually in danger until Elfangor was dead—but what had triggered our discovery? I didn't remember, but somehow I thought it was something I'd done. Had I sneezed?

Why didn't I remember something this important?

The warmth of Elfangor's courage welled-up inside me like sunlight, like childhood. It made me feel safe and warm and whole in a way I hadn't felt since…well, maybe since this very night. Or a few days after it, at least. It was strange. It made me feel like a kid again.

Oh man, we were kids again. We couldn't even morph. This was insane…

But Rachel was alive. And there in the dark in the construction site, with a Hork-Bajir sniffing the air only a few feet away from me, Elfangor moments from death, I made a private vow to myself that she was going to stay that way this time, even if it killed me.

Was that why I was here? Was the Ellimist going to let me make a trade?

Or maybe it wasn't the Ellimist. Maybe it was someone else.

Well, if Crayak wanted me he could have me this time, if I got to save Rachel. I'd traded my life away in one of his monstrous games before and I was willing to do it again. But then why were Marco and Tobias here, too? Cassie and Rachel were living this for the first time, but Marco and Tobias weren't. Why? What was the difference?

Was it because the three of us had been on the Rachel, and they hadn't? Did that mean that down in the ocean right now, Ax was his future self too?

Another possibility hit me like ice water. Ax hasn't been himself when we'd rammed the Blade Ship. Did that mean The One was here, too?

Visser Three wrenched my attention back to the present—or the past—or whatever this was. Maybe it was a hallucination. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die; was that what this was? Was I going to relive my whole life from the moment of Andalite contact on up to the moment I died, aware of every mistake I'd ever made but unable to correct them?

But no, we weren't trapped in our old roles—we'd already changed things; had said things we couldn't have known to say the first time, or done little things differently, like Tobias sitting with Elfangor a few seconds longer or Marco covering Cassie's mouth when I failed to stop her scream. We weren't just walking through our parts. We were really here, really living this.

If this was real. If this wasn't just some game of Crayak's to torment us, or the Ellimist's to…well, to serve some illusory "greater good" of his own that was effectively going to also probably be torture. There was no way of knowing, so the only thing we could do was treat it like it was real. Like it was happening.

Like we were really here, again.

"What the…" Rachel said, living this moment for the first time with all the confusion and horror that came with that. "Isn't that an Andalite?"

She was looking at Visser Three. I looked at him too, and familiarity allowed me to see things I hadn't the first time when I'd been shaking in shock and terror. Visser Three walked out of the Blade Ship haughty and proud, but he was scared too. I could recognize the fear on his face, in the way he held his tail blade. Even with all his minions around him, weapons at the ready and his hated foe wounded and fallen, Visser Three was still scared of Elfangor. Still worried that the great Andalite war-prince had one last trick up his nonexistent sleeve.

I smiled grimly. If you only knew…

<Only once has a Yeerk been able to take an Andalite body,> Elfangor said. <There is only one Andalite-Controller. That one is Visser Three.>

I wondered if there was some way to get oatmeal into the Visser's feeding grounds. Maybe I should have balked at the thought of doing that to Alloran, but if anyone understood the idea of collateral damage in a war, it was him. He'd appreciate the ruthless efficiency, if not the irony. The question was whether the Visser would even ingest it when he stepped on the grass, and whether it would have the same effect on an Andalite Host that it did on human ones. Questions to ask Ax when we fished him out of the ocean, maybe, providing that he was Ax when we did…

The Visser was blustering at Elfangor, and I saw Tobias wince.

"What?" I hissed.

"Ax," Tobias whispered back. "I didn't tell him…"

I realized that the Visser had been boasting about destroying the Dome Ship, about killing everyone on board. Ax—Elfangor's little brother—had survived, but Elfangor didn't know that. We wouldn't learn that for a month, yet. I guess Tobias was wishing he'd told Elfangor that Ax was still alive, even though there would have been no way for him to explain how he knew that, or how he even knew who Ax was. I wasn't sure it would have done anything but confuse Elfangor if he had, but Tobias clearly felt guilty. I couldn't tell from his face, of course, which sported the usual expressionless mask that was his default expression when he was in human morph (although he wasn't in morph now, I reminded myself with a jolt), but his shoulders were hunched in a way that telegraphed his emotions despite the blankness of his face.

"What?" Rachel asked. "Tell who what?"

Tobias shook his head without looking away from Elfangor. Rachel didn't push for an explanation; she was too busy watching the drama playing out between the Andalite and the thing in an Andalite's body.

I watched it too, although I'd seen it before. Elfangor's defiant last stand—and was it bravery that drove him to his feet, a warrior's pride refusing to let him die on his knees? Or did he know that making Visser Three lose his temper was the best way to guarantee that he would be killed rather than infested?

Maybe it was a little bit of both.

Attacking the Bug fighter with his ship was definitely a ploy to get the Yeerks to destroy his ship rather than let (more) Andalite technology fall into Yeerk hands, though. The strategy of that move was as clear and plain as anything Marco had ever laid-out for the rest of us, now that I saw it in hindsight. I wondered what happened to the Escafil device, and kicked myself for not thinking to take it away with me when we ran. There was no sign of it out there now, of course—if there had been, the Visser would surely have taken it and this war would have gone very differently—but the first time I'd been here, I'd been too busy running for my life to think about it, and this time I'd been too busy reeling from the realization that I was here, that this was happening at all.

Dammit. I could have spared us all so much trouble if I'd been a little faster on the uptake…

"This isn't real," Cassie whispered as the Visser began to morph, "This isn't real."

It was real. And I was really here. Again.

I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, as though I could blot-out what was happening—or maybe make it sink-in better, so that I wouldn't screw-up again. I couldn't afford to miss another chance to make things better, not if I was going to keep everybody alive this time.

Holy shit. Could I maybe even save Tom?

I forced myself to shove that thought aside. I had spent so much energy trying to save my brother the first time I'd fought this war, and it had cost us all…so, so much. Too much. I couldn't let myself fall into that trap again. Tom was a Controller, which meant Tom was lost. I had to accept that. I couldn't change anything that had happened before this night.

But I could damn sure change everything that came after.

"No, no, no," I heard Cassie whispering, and I turned instinctively to comfort her—even after everything, I turned instinctively to comfort her—but Rachel was there first, wrapping an arm around Cassie's shoulder and pulling her close.

"Don't look," Rachel said. There were tears running down her face, but she didn't turn her head away from the gruesome sight before us. Her other hand was still laced with Tobias's, and even though he was the one who'd lived through all this before I could tell that it was still Rachel lending him strength—maybe even more than then.

After all, then he'd just been scared. Now, he understood what he was really losing tonight and how much more he might still have to lose.

Visser Three opened his mouth wide and I closed my eyes. Memory might be malleable, but the moment that followed this was one that was etched indelibly on my brain. I remember jumping to my feet, ready to fight—ready to get us all killed stupidly, pointlessly. Ready to throw away Elfangor's sacrifice. I knew better now, but I wasn't sure that I trusted myself to sit quietly through his death if I had to actually watch it again.

So I closed my eyes, and I did not see Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul fall. But I couldn't close my mind to his scream any more now than I could before.

That cry of despair was another thing I remembered perfectly.

We sat and watched as the Yeerks congratulated each other and milled around, laughing and bragging and celebrating the death of their enemy. I wondered when they were going to spot us, and I shifted up onto my toes, ready to run—but they didn't.

Cassie was weeping silently into Rachel's shoulder, and Tobias had tears pouring down his expressionless cheeks, and Rachel's eyes shone wetly in the dull reflection from the spotlights, and Marco had one hand pressed so tight to his mouth that I could practically see the bones of his hands flexing from the tension, and the only sound I could hear was the laughter of the Controllers around us.

Why weren't they chasing us? What was I missing?

The Visser dispatched a few Controllers to search the wreckage (not that there was much wreckage) and a familiar human in a suit jacket ordered a few other humans and Hork-Bajir to stay behind on guard while they did. We would need to try and slip away quietly before a patrol caught us—but why hadn't they spotted us already?

I caught Marco's eye and raised my eyebrows in an exaggerated pantomime of confusion. He raised his back and pointed at the hand over his mouth, like that should explain everything—and then I remembered. Marco had thrown-up the first time. That was what the Hork-Bajir had heard. That was why they'd found us, chased us.

Marco wasn't going to throw-up this time. By now, we'd all seen so many more horrors than the sight of Elfangor being eaten. I felt sick, sure, but it was a familiar feeling. A small one, an expected one. I'm sure it was the same for Marco—and he wasn't taking any chances, the hand over his mouth said without speaking. He remembered exactly why the Yeerks had almost caught us this night the first time we'd lived it (had probably never stopped re-living it, the way I re-lived so many of my flaws and failures from the war) and he wasn't going to let that happen again.

I wasn't the only one who was determined to avoid repeating the things that had gone wrong the first time. I glanced sideways at Tobias's hawk-sharp, tear-filled eyes and guessed that I wasn't the only one who'd made a certain vow tonight, either.

Good, I thought savagely, as I heard the familiar laugh of my former vice principal trail the rest of the Controllers back up into the Bug fighter, we'll do this together. Your move, Crayak—or whoever you are. I stared as the Yeerks flew back into the night, my brain already whirring with plans.

Your move.

# # #

The very first night, Tobias, Jake, and Marco will discuss how to stage the rescue mission to Ax, and worry/wonder about whether it's Ax they'll find down there or not, and whether they should risk the latter right now when Rachel and Cassie are so unused to battle; but what choice do they have? If it is The One, they need to know right away, because that's another big threat to deal with…and if it's their friend, they want to get to him asap, particularly before Ax tries to come find them with no human morph for operational security—and determine that having Tobias claim that "Elfangor told him" will serve as an excuse for why he knows where Ax is. (Not that he knows exactly where Ax is; he wasn't even there, the first time, and while Jake and Marco were they don't exactly have whale-implanated navigation knowledge to use, so they'll pour over charts and do their best to figure it out). At that point Tobias will also brusquely bring up whether or not he should become a nothlit on purpose. Jake will be horrified; Marco will grimace but nod thoughtfully, because he's been wondering that himself. Tobias points-out that his being a nothlit was very helpful, especially once the Elimist gave him back his morphing. Jake counters that they can't rely on the Elimist doing that again because they don't know what the rules are of the game they're stuck in, and whether or not the Elimist will be able to interfere like that…or be willing to. Tobias gives his little bird-shrug and says that the Elimist seemed to go to a lot of effort to have me around, I don't think he'll be willing to lose me to hawk-form permanently. Jake flat-out refuses; Marco is more thoughtful, but eventually says that it's too big a risk to count on the Elimist. Not until they know more. Once the Elimist actually shows up, and they can try and get as many answers out of that bastard as they ever have, they can reassess. But for now there's too much chance of Tobias taking himself out of the fight for good, and they can afford that less than they can not having a morph-capable nothlit hawk on their team. Tobias protests, and Jake blurts out a question about Tobias doing it on purpose the first time? Tobias turns away and says no, he didn't. But…he certainly set himself up for that, yeah, he knows. He's never been comfortable in his life; being a hawk was, in a lot of ways, easier. Especially before he knew what hardships being a hawk full-time would entail, but even then…even then it was still easier than being him. No one says anything to that for a while. 

It's Marco who finally breaks the silence, saying that it's more important that Tobias be able to morph than that he be able to fly…more important that he be able to morph than that he be himself. He accepts that Tobias is more hawk than boy; he just refuses to lose a valuable morph-capable warrior to personal comfort. Tobias nods, accepting that without admitting whether or not he'd prefer to be a bird or a boy if given the choice with all else being equal. Jake and Marco decided not to press him for that answer.

Jake still thinks that it's a strong possibility that Tobias will let himself be pushed into a situation where he gets stuck in the hawk morph, though; thinks that on some level, Tobias thinks that he's worth more as a bird than a boy…and that after so many years with wings, probably is more comfortable in the hawk's body, which he thinks of as his own, than the one he was born with, which he clearly feels trapped by. He thinks that on some level, Tobias is recklessly confident that the Elimist will indeed play deux ex morphina again if (when?) Tobias gets trapped in morph…and might be dangerously relying on that assumption. But he lets the subject pass, for now. He knows Tobias won't risk trapping himself before they rescue Ax, at least, which means that it's not a priority to deal with yet. Then—and only then—does Tobias confess one very good reason why he shouldn't trap himself as a nothlit: he acquired Elfangor. Marco and Jake both stare at him, jaws dropped. Tobias doesn't duck his head the way he would have if he were the boy he looks like but instead stares them down with his dead predator eyes. Yeah, he says. It just—it seemed like the thing to do, to get an Andalite morph while we had a chance. It's not one we can use lightly, I know, because the Visser will recognize Elfangor immediately…but. It still seems useful, to be able to show the other Controllers an Andalite who isn't a kid from time to time…

Also, Marco points out coldly, if Ax isn't himself anymore, having a bigger and stronger Andalite who can potentially kick his ass around isn't going to hurt anything. Tobias agrees quietly, and Marco realizes that he's not the only one who thought of that; he smiles grimly. "We're all so fucked-up, you know that right?" he says, and then other two break into bitter laughter as they nod. "Okay. Let's figure out what morphs to get first, then. I feel…well, honestly I feel more naked than I do in my stupid morphing suit, not having anything swimming around in my DNA that I can turn into."

It's Jake who looks at Tobias and says, "You went to Cassie's barn already, didn't you."

Tobias looks away and shrugs. "Yeah," he says, defiance lacing his words instead of apology. "Not like I don't know how to get inside, is it? Even if having to do it without wings is harder."

Jake sighs. "Next time one of us wants to get a morph from Cassie's barn, how about we tell her first?"

"Sure," says Tobias. Jake sighs again. "Okay. So…you think an Andalite can restrain a tiger?"

Marco grins.

# # #

*If you do continue writing this, remember that Cassie is a sub-temporal anomaly (source: Megamorphs—Back To Before) who is "grounded" in time and will break-down any alternate timeline she is in. You can write around this by simply having her know/sense things (things "feel right" when they happen the way they should, etc) and have her be uneasy when things take big twists from the original timeline (e.g. when David comes to school, Cassie will shy away from him and be unable to explain why the mere sight of this boy she doesn't even known fills her with dread; Rachel can make some dismissive statement about him being "a creeper" because she's heard him talking, or heard other people talking about things he's said, and that Cassie is just such a good judge of character that she probably picked-up on it instinctively even without hearing the gossip about "that pervert"--mention him being caught trying to peep in the girl's locker room, maybe). If/when the Ellimist shows up, Tobias/Jake/Marco should immediately confront him about "his meddling," which will leave him shaken and confused (or at least, he seems that way to them; they decide they don't trust that he's actually surprised, because it might all still be one big game of his, but they do allow the possibility that he is surprised, and this is something else—maybe a game of Crayak's, maybe something to do with The One) and it is when they have to explain wtf is going on and why they're all shouting at this being like they know him, that the boys have to tell Rachel and Cassie what's going on with the time travel and explain why they got time shifted, but the two of them didn't…which they don't know, but suspect is because of something to do with ramming the Blade Ship. "Maybe it created a Sario Rip," Jake said, "or maybe it was something else, something to do with the creature that had taken over Ax…" and then they have to explain all of that.

Except perhaps Tobias has broken-down and told Rachel earlier? Yes, I think I like that…

They have a meeting in Rachel's bedroom, probably relatively early on, and Rachel stops Tobias before he can leave and asks him what's going on. He breaks down and tells her. She rolls with it surprisingly well; when asked, she gives a brittle laugh and says nothing else has made sense since the night they were in the construction site, why not time travel? And it explains a hell of a lot, frankly. Although she still has questions—like why were only the boys sent back? (Suspicious glare that hooks him like talons.) Why didn't you take Cassie and I along? Tobias explains that they didn't do any of this on purpose, and Rachel is the last person they would have left out of something this huge, which mollifies her some, although she still stubbornly wants to know why.

He hesitates, then explains numbly that they chose not to take Cassie along because she was the only one of them that had a real life after the war (then has to tell Rachel what all their lives were, and she laughs and agrees and laughs harder than ever at Marco's, which is the easy and painless one to talk about; is a little taken aback when told about Jake's but rolls with it; accepts Cassie's with a fond, proud smile; is confused about Tobias saying that he "flew away," so he has to explain that he was a nothlit in the original timeline; and then asks, Okay and what about me? What was I doing? Tobias is silent for a long, long time, then he says quietly, You weren't around to come with us. Why not? Rachel demands. He hedges, not wanting to say it, but she presses the point. Finally he meets her eyes and says hoarsely, You weren't around to be around, anymore. Rachel goes still. I died? she asks in a small voice. Tobias can't say it, but he nods, his eyes full of tears and his face actually twisted up in emotion. Rachel nods, swallows, and asks, Was it a good death? No, says Tobias. And there is no doubt in his words. No. A small, sad smile crosses Rachel's face and she says, I mean, was it a brave death? Did it…did I matter? Tobias takes her hand and says, you mattered more than anyone.

For a moment they're quiet, then Rachel says "Thank you." After a minute she draws a deep breath and says, "Tobias? Were you…did you like me?" He pulls his hand away but says, "Yes. More than anyone." Rachel nods, not trying to meet his eyes. "Did you…" She laughs nervously, and says, "Wow, I feel like such an idiot, but I…did you…I mean, like…wow. I guess it's stupid to be nervous saying this, given all…you know, everything, but I'm still…well, like. Did you…did you love me?" "Yes," Tobias says without a second of hesitation, and there are tears on his face and he won't look at her and his hands are clasped together in his lap so tight that the bones are almost visible through the skin, hooked together like a predator's hard talons more than a boy's soft hands. "I know you don't—I mean, I've been trying not to—I'm sorry if I've made it weird, I know we haven't…I know you aren't, like, the Rachel I knew, but…" 

"Am I so different?" Rachel asks wistfully. "No," Tobias says, a soft smile on his face. It looks so different from how he normally looks these days, more like the boy he used to be before the construction site, before the war, but without the sadness that seemed so ever-present then, too. "No, you're really not different at all. Less experienced yet, I guess, but still…still you. You've always been you. The war didn't—doesn't—really change you all that much, I think. It just lets you be yourself, more, in some ways. It hardens you, I mean, like it did to all of us, but you…you're Rachel. You've always been Rachel. The brave one, the strong one, the girl who will stand between her friends and danger and say 'no, fight me instead,' the one who'll throw herself into horrors if it means sparing someone else. That's always been you. The war just…gave you a chance to prove it, I guess. But no, you're not different. Not in any way that matters." 

"Oh," says Rachel. For a while she doesn't say anything at all. He adds gently, "That's why it's been hard for me, remembering that—well, that the me-and-you that I know doesn't exist here. Because you're just so familiar that…well, it's easy to remember Cassie isn't the Cassie she ends up being, where I'm from. But you're…you're so Rachel, it's hard for me. But I'll try harder. I'm sorry. I don't want to make things weird for you. I get it, I promise, I know you don't like me—aren't the girl who ends up liking me, and may never be, and I don't think that you, like, owe me or anything sick like that, I really am sorry, I promise I will try to be less weird about—" 

"No," Rachel says, "No that's okay. I mean…I do like you." She's blushing, picking at her cuticles, head down and hanging behind the curtain of her hair, but even as she chews nervously on her lip Tobias can see a smile poking through around the edges. "Not…not the way you like me, I mean. But I… oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm saying this? But like, I also kind of feel like an idiot for being nervous about saying this, when you've just said you love me? So I guess I'll just…yeah. Okay. So I, uh, I like you too, yeah. I already, um, already had a crush on you, you know? Before…you know, before? Um, if you didn't know. Yeah. Totally…totally a major crush on you, back then. And then, like…all this Animorphs stuff? I mean…you're just, you're really…I like you a lot, okay? Not…not the way you do me, at least…" She swallows. "At least not yet. But I…I think I'd like it if you gave me time for that?" 

"You…what?" Tobias is confused. "You…you knew who I was? Before?" "Uh, duh?" Rachel says, finally looking up at him, and her nerves have been mostly superceded behind amusement. "What, I never told you that before?" Tobias shakes his head. "After I…after I became the hawk, we didn't really…I mean…you talked about me before, yeah. About noticing me. You…told me things about me that you couldn't have known if you hadn't been paying attention, but I…I never realized it was a crush." Rachel blushed but also smiled. "Dummy," she says and takes his hand. Tobias smiles at her. "Yeah," he admitted happily, "I am." 

Later (different scene) Rachel will ask Tobias if they should tell Cassie. Says she feels terrible not telling her, but…but what if she doesn't believe me? Or what if telling her screws something up?  I'm not the one that knows the future—or the past-that-happened-in-the-future, or however we're talking about this—so I don't know, Tobias. I don't know what to do, but she's my best friend, I can't keep this secret from her…can I? Should I? 

Tobias thinks about it for a while; not hesitating, just thinking. Pondering it. Rachel doesn't interrupt him. For as impatient as she can be about some things (most things), she's always been patient with him. Not in a grudging way, with her impatience gnawing at her for action like it does sometimes with Jake, but as though she trusts his thoughts enough to give him time for them to finish. Like she wants to hear what he really thinks, not just the first thing that pops out of his mouth so she can fly off and do whatever she wants in response. So he sits, and he thinks, and she sits with him and waits. And finally he says, No. I don't…I don't think we should. Cassie is…she's a good person. He stops, chewing on his lip, struggling to get the words out. 

"Well duh," says Rachel, grinning, almost laughing, but Tobias shakes his head. "That's…that's what I mean," he says quietly. "She's a good person. The best of us, in that way. In the sense of…well, wanting to do the nice thing, above all. Which isn't always the right thing." Rachel goes still at that, her eyes fixed on his face. There's a troubled expression on hers, but she doesn't interrupt. She still trusts him; she's still listening. The problem is that Tobias doesn't know how to say the words he needs to share. He tries anyway: "There were a few points where she…where she was nice to the point of maybe doing the wrong thing," he says softly. "Never in a way where…well, it was more shortsighted than anything. And it ended up being the right thing, sometimes, in the end. Maybe almost all the times." He shrugs, that awkward little hunched-up motion that makes him look more like a bird than a boy. "But it still…it didn't always feel that way at the time, when the rest of us were looking at the big picture and the sacrifices it demanded, and Cassie was trying to be kind. To be good. Good doesn't…it doesn't always win a war." 

Rachel nods, but there's a look on her face that Tobias doesn't like. There's fear there, but it doesn't seem to be a fear of him. There's not enough surprise there for that. There's a sense of realization about the look on her face, maybe even of horror, but it's not directed at him. It's directed at something within. Tobias is reminded of the conversations he and Future Rachel had near the end of the war, when she talked about how far she'd gone and how far she was afraid she was still willing to go. And the conversations when she stopped being afraid of that, too. He wonders if Rachel has already started having those thoughts, even this early. He wonders if that's because of him, because of what he's told her…or if she was always starting to think about that this young. It's not a question he can ask because it's not a question she can answer, so he says nothing and pretends instead that he hasn't seen; that he hasn't guessed. 

He says instead, "I worry that if we tell Cassie how much of the future we know, she'll want to know…well, things that she's not ready to hear. Things she's not ready to accept." He looks at Rachel, and he realizes that even before she went down into the Yeerk Pool for the first time, even before she got her first morph, she never flinched away from the sharp hawk's glare in his eyes. "We're all going to do—have done—terrible things, make terrible choices. Even with everything Jake and Marco and Ax and I know, we're still going to have to make terrible choices. Maybe even moreso, since we're going to be so much more informed about those choices this time."

For a long moment he's silent. Rachel reaches out and takes his hand and while Tobias's face doesn't change, inside he smiles. "I've worried sometimes what you're going to think of me when those choices come," he confesses, "but only because I wish that I was smart enough to come up with better options this time around, and I know there aren't any. But I also know that you know, and will accept, that we do have to do horrible things to stop the Yeerks from doing worse. Cassie…I'm not sure she ever really accepted that the first time, and she lived through it all with us. Now, with the war so new, I know she won't understand. And if we tell her about the time travel, we'll have to tell her some of what happened, what we did—what we will do—and…and I don't think she's ready to hear that." Tobias swallowed then shook his head. "No, I know she isn't ready to hear it. And I'm afraid of what will happen then."

Rachel just sat there for a few seconds, holding his hand, not pulling away. From the frown on her face she was thinking hard, and Tobias's heart ached at what he knew he was asking her to do. Rachel and Cassie had been driven so far apart by the war the first time around. Was he what was going to drive the first wedge between them now?

Rachel didn't ask him about any of that. She just said, "Okay. You know it's going to come out eventually, though, right? You're all not as slick about hiding this as you think you are, and 'Elfangor put magic knowledge in my brain' is only going to work as an excuse for so long, especially when Jake and Marco and Ax all keep acting like they got magic knowledge downloads, too."

Tobias laughed; he couldn't help himself. "I actually did get a 'magic knowledge download' from Elfangor," he said. "He did that the first time, too. I don't know if it's because I was his son or just because I was the only one who hesitated to run away, but he did. That gave us a lot of crucial knowledge about the Yeerks the first time."

"Oh," said Rachel. She looked shocked.

Tobias's lips curled into an unfamiliar grin. "He did it this time, too, but of course I already knew all that and a lot more now, so I didn't need it…but it does make for a good excuse."

"Okay," said Rachel, "maybe it does, but it's not going to keep Cassie in the dark forever."

Tobias's grin disappeared. "I know," he said. "I'll…I'll talk to Jake and Marco, try to figure out what we're going to do when she figures it out. How much we can tell her."

"Have you told the others about telling me yet?"

Tobias looked away. "No," he said.

Rachel's fingers tightened on his in a reassuring squeeze. "Because I died?" she said and Tobias felt his heart stutter in his chest like an owl had just flown by.

"Yes," he breathed.

He couldn't look at her, but he could feel her arm move against him as she nodded. "And because you're all scared it's going to happen again."

Tobias swallowed. "Yes," he managed to make himself say. He swallowed again and forced himself to add, "And…because we swore it wouldn't. Jake and I, anyway. We swore that no matter what, this time you live."

"Tobias…" Rachel's voice was soft, the pressure of her head against his shoulder as she leaned forward gentle. "You can't promise that. Neither of you can."

"We can," he said fiercely.

She shook her head, the silky curtain of her hair sliding back and forth in the edge of his vision where it dangled forward across his chest. "You can't," she said. "And I don't want you to try."

"But—"

A gentle but unflinching hand came up and pressed his lips shut. It was strange, being able to be silenced by someone stopping his mouth even though his thoughts kept going.

"Tobias, I know you're upset that the other me died. I'm not thrilled about it either, believe me. But like you said, this is a war and horrible things happen. We all have to make horrible choices. Any of us might die at any time, on any mission. Any of us. I don't want you and Jake protecting me at the cost of beating the Yeerks. Yeah, I don't want to die, of course I don't. But I know what being an Animorph means and what it might cost, and I made the choice to stay. Even after you told me I died, I still chose to stay. Okay?"

"Okay," Tobias said aloud, and the word tasted like ashes on his tongue. You don't know, he thought silently, those words so much more real than the ones he spoke with his soft human lips and his clumsy human teeth. You don't know the cost, and you don't know the choices that led to that cost. And I will never, ever let you find out. He turned so he could wrap his arms around her and she let him, relaxing into the hug.

"Okay," Rachel said, smiling in response to the words she heard rather than the vow she didn't.

Never, Tobias swore, and dared the universe to try and prove him wrong.

*from this tag game.

[shakertwelve]

Also for the folks wanting to get into animorphs who don’t have the time to start reading through it, I’d definitely recommend Animorphs Aloud! It’s an audiobook of it that I’ve really been enjoying in my current re-experiencing of the series, with the narrator adding in character voices and sound effects! It’s only into about a 5th of the overall series so far, but it updates very regularly (like a new chapter every few days), and might be good for new people to get started in the series!

oh cool! i can't follow audiobooks so i'm not usually aware of what's out there, thanks for bringing this up!

[luukeskywalker]

20 questions writer meme.

THANKYOUUU @crimsonrainseekingflower FOR TAGGING ME!! <33

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

92!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!?!?!!?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

409,439 i feel a little lightheaded tbh

3. What fandoms do you write for?

erm a lot of them LMFAO but my main fandoms are star wars, mxtx novels, one piece, and then supernatural once in a while

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Pros and Cons of Keeping Wei Wuxian's Spirit Hostage - hua cheng keeping wwx's spirit safe during the time he was dead, 12k words, 4.5k kudos (this is insane)

there's a STALKER in the CLOUD RECESSES??? - hualian adopts wei wuxian and raises him, he goes to cloud recesses and causes trouble :3c, 5.7k words, 2.7k kudos (this is also insane to me)

sun beneath the sea - merman wangxian au i wrote for the mdzs reverse bang! 19.2k words, 1k kudos (this is slightly less insane)

Jin Ling and the No Good Very Bad Terrible Year of Cloud Recesses Bullshit - my first mdzs fic! 2.9k words, 912 kudos (thank you?!?!?!)

a kiss with a helmet is better than none - omg the first non mdzs fic on this list LOL, this was a short dinluke fic i wrote when i first got really back into star wars. 1.1k words, 911 kudos (LOVE U GUYS!!!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do usually within the first two days! after that i tend to either get too busy and feel bad responding to comments super late or i just plain forget ;A; but i read every comment and they mean the absolute world to me!! i'm trying to get better at responding but it really isn't my strong suit.....

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

this is a tie imo between the precipice from my skywalker palindrome series (i prommy i will upload another installment.....eventually), and Star Light, Star Bright (which is about apollo dreaming of clay while he's in the hospital for the courtroom bombing)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

in my personal opinion it's gotta be No One Lives Forever, my deancas big bang - it was a labor of love, and also how much i wish certain plot lines could have been wrapped up more properly!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally i get a comment telling me they didn't expect my fics to be full of "gay shit" but i think those comments are mostly funny, like, bestie this is the gay shit fanfic website. but once in a while people will bookmark my fics with fairly negative comments/judgements and that's just like.......why make that public????

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hehe. i love writing smut. idk what "kind" this would be but i tend to gravitate towards silly weird sweet kinda kinky sex???

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i do write crossovers! i haven't in a while (unless you count mxtx novel crossovers which only half count imo LOL) but i think the craziest one i've ever posted is the star wars/animorphs one that is unfinished and will probably remain unfinished for a long time ;~;

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i know i've definitely had elements of my fics show up in other people's work before but it's not something i keep track of these days, i don't have a lot of time to read fic ^^;; however a few months ago i did find some podcasters had read my fic aloud and commented on it and put it up on the free tier of their patreon??? they said really nice things about it which was a shocker but i feel my insides curdling whenever someone reads my ao3 username out loud HAHAHA

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have had them translated a few times! i think pros and cons has a translation or two floating around, and i thiiink? some fics from skywalker palindrome have been translated? i know someone asked and it took me a few days to reply to tell them yes (again, terrible at replying, that's my bad)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not exactly a singular fic but i love co-writing series together with my bestie!!!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

AAUUUGH YOU CAN'T ASK ME THAT. I CAN'T ANSWER. but i did one time listen to wangxian.mp3 about fifty times in one day, recently

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

so many.

if i HAD to pick one, i guess i'd say....the straight up 10k of twilight au moshang i have hiding in my google docs. maybe i will just post what i have and leave it at that one day because that was a lot of work to never share it LMFAO

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue, visual description, characterization

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

FINISHING THE DAMN THING. both in terms of actually sticking to a fic long enough to finish it, and also the concept of endings as a whole.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i don't think i've personally done it, but if i needed to i'd like to make sure it's accurate, readable, and translatable for someone who doesn't read the language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i actually can get a link to it if fanfic dot net is still working!! (spoiler alert: it is...for now!)

anyways, the first fic i wrote/published was for the lost boys. it hardly counts as a fic bc it's more like a meme that was going around at the time on ff.net, which was a "you've seen [x media] way too many times if...!" list of in-jokes. here it is. and if you want to look at some of my other extremely old stuff i wrote over ten years ago, be my guest i guess! fair warning a lot of it is not great!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

i know this is cheating but i have to say i think my favorite fic i've worked on is the skywalker palindrome as a whole. it's a series of fics but they work together to tell a story that remains an open-ended tragedy. we know where anakin ends up. luke knows who anakin becomes. and it seems like nothing luke can do will turn anakin away from that path. this is the rare situation where i actually have a very clear idea of how it all ends, and i just need to write my way there - which is going to take quite a while QAQ

tag time!!! @deusexvalerate GET TAGGED!!!!!

[bermudianabroad]

Almost got dumped by The Boy last night because I wondered aloud ‘do plants have DNA?’

For context: I was thinking about the Animorphs— they never tried to turn into plants and by that logic I decided that no, plants don’t have DNA.

I’m wrong by the way. In my defence I was sleepy.

[papioanubis]

[kaaramel]

birdboy pixel

[tunashei]

First Impressions of Animorphs!

I'm listening to the Animorphs series while I work, through Animorphs Aloud - a fan made reading of the series. Here are my first impressions/random thoughts about them! Spoilers below if you haven't read them.

Book 12.5: The Andalite Chronicles (Part 1)

Elfangor POV! Wasn't expecting that. And he's been on Earth before, and maybe did time travel, and created Visser Three? I am intrigued, and looking forward to more Andalite lore

So far young Elfangor seems a little stuck up and superior, and yet not all that talented which is a surprise. Quite realistically immature

Voted to allow more children...so Anadalites have some form of strict population control. Interesting

New alien! Skirt Na. Their life cycle is pretty neat with having two different forms, although there's little description to work off for the Na. Based on their behaviour I think we can blame them for all the alien abduction stories on Earth

Case in point, two abducted humans! The voice acting for Loren makes her sound slightly flirtatious with Elfangor

I love that humans not having tails is a big deal to alien life. You know how in some sci-fi shows, all aliens are just humans with slightly different features? And often, humans are the most average, boring, nothing special about them of all the races? I like that it's not the case here. Humans are the weird ones for walking on two legs, unlike every other sapient species

Chapman?? Ok uh. Chapman origin story I guess. Gonna have a hard time imagining him as a kid and not a middle aged man

PFFF when your guest comes to your house and starts ripping their own foot off o-o I really love the alien Andalite perspective

Alloran...THAT'S VISSER THREE'S ANDALITE. Right?? It makes sense he'd turn up since Elfangor said in the beginning he created Visser Three. I am very curious how it will transpire, and quite excited to learn more about Alloran

Chapman doesn't read well as an actual person, he's like laughably evil and talks like a bully from some Disney show

IS Loren flirting with Elfangor?? Unusual tastes girl. But I won't judge

A time machine is definitely one of the most powerful weapons you could have, but we've seen time travel before with the Sario Rip? I wonder why they haven't tried using that as a weapon more

Oh so Elfangor IS a super duper amazing fighter when it really matters. Bit lame, always found naturally expert fighters dull myself

Elfangor: We can't kill these Yeerks they're helpless!

Jake:

Hype to see Taxxon's being morphed! The way their ceaseless hunger is described is graphically horrifying, I actually feel kind of bad for them now, they seem to be essentially always starving. Being unable to stop yourself cannibalising someone...eugh.

Oh man when Elfangor resisted eating the Taxxon I knew it'd be noticed as unusual, did Arbron and Alloran stay and eat and that's how they got separated?

Elfangor is being eaten alive now. Ah, Animorphs Nightmare Fuel

Chapman...why...why did you think this was a good idea? Why are you so cartoonishly evil? You disappoint me

Bit shorter than usual but this book is long and has parts, so I will separate them

[digimonandpokemon]

Coraline was also written for 11 year olds

some of you never grew up reading books where the main characters discuss the ethical implications of feeding their enemies oatmeal and it shows

[equustenebris]

The Very Noisy Night

Moon hated thunderstorms. They were loud, distracting, dangerous for electronics of all sorts. But he didn't hate them as much as Sun. And putting Sun down for a "nap" overnight during a vicious storm proves a lot more difficult than the Naptime Attendant anticipated. [Read on AO3!]

Set sometime before the events of Security Breach, when everything is fine and Moon is just a regular feature of the Pizzaplex instead of a homicidal stalker ✌🏻 Though I like to headcanon that to some degree Moon was always just Like That. A little rough around the edges, a little (unintentionally) sharp and curt, lol. Short, snappy sentences, feels kinda predatory, yadda yadda. 

This is technically a Whumptober 2022 prompt, but it's not really...uh...whumpy, lol. I just find them really inspiring. :>  I always like to use the Whumptober titles when I use those prompts so that's where the title comes from, but I think I probably could have just called this one Daycare Attendant Has Overstimulation Meltdown lmfao. 

I haven't read, like. a ton of Security Breach fic or anything so I don't know how conventional this is, but I'll be using <> to denote Sun/Moon's internal speech to each other. Blame Animorphs.  lol nvm Tumblr keeps eating my italics so y'all get French quotations on here. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

prompt: caught in a storm

Another deafening boom shook the walls of the daycare, causing Moon to leap up several feet in surprise for about the twentieth time that night. The summer storm overhead had been raging for hours, and the thunder and lightning was near constant. The Pizzaplex still had power, for now, though it was nearing two in the morning and the daycare's lights were off, leaving Moon in charge.

Moon was pacing, skulking around the floor of the daycare, knocking over and fixing various stacks of toys over and over again for want of something to do. He desperately needed something else to focus on, to distract. Too much pent up energy, too much anxiety. Putting lightning safety first meant no staying in the comfort of their high-up room or using his ceiling-connected cable to get around, and so he was grounded for the time being, slinking around the middle of the daycare floor. Stressed.

He hated storms. He hated the lightning, the electric bursts were incredibly dangerous for the animatronics. He hated the thunder, explosive and sudden, overwhelming and scary. And he hated the pouring sheets of rain, loud and distracting, too hard to hear anything else around him whenever he was trying to focus on security.

However, as much as he feared and hated the storms, he still wasn't as bad as Sun.

There was a strangled scream from somewhere deep inside his head as another lightning strike cracked thunder nearby; the screaming was louder than the thunder itself and Moon put a hand to his faceplate.

"Sun!" he growled aloud, patience already worn thin from the stress of the storm.

«Sorry, sorry,» he whimpered in response, strung tighter than a violin and twice as screechy. «It's so loud, Moony!»

"Go to sleep," Moon snarled audibly, leaping on top of a pile of stackable barrels. "If you would go into sleep mode, you wouldn't have to hear it!"

«Sleep? Sleep? Hah -- I can't sleep! Who could sleep with all this racket?» Moon could tell by the crackle of Sun's voice in his head that if he physically could be pacing around like a headless chicken right now, he absolutely would. «Nooo no no, it's too loud, much too loud! And there's the danger of the lightning, maybe hail, oh, or the ceiling could get water damage --»

«You need rest mode tonight,» Moon tried again, internally this time, more snarled than comforting despite his position as the Naptime Attendant. He couldn't help it, he was frustrated. Sun was driving him crazy with all of his anxiety, and the hammering of the torrent on the roof of the Pizzaplex was already enough to set him on edge. He drummed his fingertips against the sides of the barrels before leaping off again, crawling on all fours along the floor. «Running too long. Need garbage collection.»

«I keep my threads tidy enough, thank you!» Sun replied stiffly, momentarily distracted out of his anxiety by the utter audacity.

Moon paused for a moment, silently calculating, and drew himself up to full height. "2,378 open processes," he replied aloud. 

«I -- but that's not -- Moony!»

"Using my cores right now," he continued. "Sleep. You won't hear the storm. I get my processors back. Everybody's happy."

There was a soft grumble of frustration somewhere deep internal. «...I'm too scared to go to sleep, Moony,» he replied, soft and timid.

As if on cue, a bolt of lightning arced the sky outside and the thunder rattled the very floor of the Pizzaplex. Moon jumped, Sun shrieked, and it distracted him into a misstep on the landing; his ankle joint caught on his other foot and he tumbled forward, head over jingly heels, face first into the ball pit. 

For a few confusing seconds, Moon couldn't tell which way was up, lost in a sea of rainbow colors -- or, more accurately, a sea of off-green, with his nighttime infrared cameras active. Finally he broke the surface, springing up and out of the ball pit, landing in a crouch at the edge and giving a stray ball an angry slap back into the pit. 

«Sun,» he growled, frustrated. But Sun wasn't paying attention, softly whimpering instead. Moon softened and hesitated, listening, feeling for his other half. «...Sun?»

«I hate storms,» he muttered lowly, almost a whisper, highly uncharacteristic of the bright and vibrant animatronic. Moon couldn't help but soften at that, slumping a little.

«...me too, Sunny,» he tried, putting a hand to his faceplate. He paused for a moment, just listening to the sound of the rain hammering the roof. Then suddenly, he brightened. «...I have an idea.»

Sun appeared to pause in his anxious, racing thoughts for just a moment. «You do?»

«Just wait,» Moon mumbled, taking off on all fours toward the daycare's stash of costumes and supplies. 

---

It took him a few minutes to prepare, ignoring Sun's near-constant questioning the entire while as he dragged a massive pile of fabric, blankets, and costumes out into the center of the room. He got to work quickly, Sun metaphorically hovering over his shoulder as he started stacking up towers and laying down blankets. 

By the time he was done, it had really taken shape. A large tent made of a hapdash mishmash of different items, piled high with essentially all of the fabric available in the daycare. A colorful mix of blankets hung off of the sides, dotted occasionally with the odd princess dress or cowboy pants. 

Satisfied with his handiwork, Moon quickly closed the distance between the tent and the side wall. He plucked a large, hard plastic ball off the shelf, giving it a twist that turned on the soft glowing light within in the motif of a sun. They used it sometimes during naptime whenever a child was particularly scared of the dark; it wasn't bright enough by any means to trigger a shift, but it might bring a touch of comfort to the otherwise pitch black daycare. Moon tossed the ball aimlessly back and forth between his hands before returning to his makeshift tent, peeling back the blanket of the "door" to toss it onto the middle of the pile of fabric on the floor.

He could feel Sun's confusion as he climbed inside, sealing the tent behind him. He took a seat cross-legged on the floor, lit by the gentle glow of the sun-ball in front of him. The tent was wide enough underneath that the both of them could fit together, if such a thing were possible, but only just tall enough that Moon had to sit a little slumped. 

«Anti-storm tent,» Moon announced finally. He paused a beat, tilting his faceplate. «Cozy.»

Sun didn't immediately reply, but Moon could sense his curiosity, anxious, but tentatively inquisitive. «Moon --» he began, but was cut off by another strike of thunder. 

Sun yelped, but this time, Moon didn't jump -- the sound of the storm was muffled by the layers and layers around them, the thunder brought down from a deafening roar to a deep, low rumble. Moon's eyes narrowed to slits and he tilted his faceplate again. «See? Quiet now.»

He could feel Sun's hesitance, but also the slight relaxation of his hold over Moon's running processors. «...it is quieter in here,» he finally agreed. 

«Yes. Right. Quiet. Warm. Restful.» Moon spread out his legs before lowering himself to the ground, gangly limbs curled up in the mound of clothes around the sun ball. «See?»

Sun didn't respond. Moon drummed his fingers along the ground. «Safe,» he tried again. 

«...safe,» Sun repeated, «yes. Yes. Yeah. Safe. I do feel pretty safe in here. Okay. Thanks, Moony.»

«Rest mode now?» he queried, flexing and twitching his fingers.

There was another aching pause as Sun considered. «...will you sit with me?»

«I'm always with you,» Moon retorted, tone equal parts comforting and teasing, nearly mock-annoyance. He pulled himself back up into a cross-legged position nonetheless.

He could feel Sun pull away, like a wave ebbing from the shore, freeing up resources. Memory slots opened, closing open processes, relaxing.

Out loud, Moon softly hummed some gentle notes, a familiar lullaby he would often sing to his naptime group. There was a sense of amusement from his other half as Moon began his song; now that he was finally calming down, it was at last hitting Sun just how much Moon had been treating him like one of his children, doing whatever it took to put him down for a nap.

«...you should use this tent with the kids,» Sun offered, a little embarrassed, a little deflecting, overwhelmingly grateful. Moon gave a soft, audible shh in response before resuming his tune.

Sun took the hint. Before Moon was able to finish his song, he pulled himself into sleep mode, finally relinquishing the hold he had on their shared resources. Moon visibly slumped with relief, his own anxiety lifting. He was much more comfortable in his makeshift tent, being buffered against the crashing storm, but more than that, it scratched a familiar itch to finally get his other half put down for his nap. Like fulfilling a deep purpose, he was more than calmed, he was satisfied.

Moon closed his eyes, grasping for the sun-ball in front of him, hand resting loosely.on top of it, grounding. He would sit in the tent until morning, when the storm was finally over and the Pizzaplex was bright again, and gently wake his other half before leaving the darkened tent to start the day.

[pangur-and-grim]

(this is a comment on my Let’s All Stan Ursula Le Guin’ post, so gonna indulge myself & reply)

honestly yeah, I was never super into them? this isn’t intellectual dishonesty, I genuinely..........didn’t care that much about Harry Potter growing up? I was too young to read when the first books came out, so have warm memories of sitting with my parents while they read Philosopher’s Stone aloud to me, but once I was old enough to leaf through them myself it didn’t leave a huge impact.

ANIMORPHS, now I’ll talk your ear off about Animorphs! and any Tamora Pierce series, god, like Alanna the Lioness? Protector of the Small? Wild Magic??? massive influences, they shaped my morality, my thoughts on gender, and the love of animals I have today. Silverwing, Dragon’s Blood, Misty of Chincoteague, the Hork-Bajir Chronicles, the Amulet of Samarkand, The Book of Earth, Firebringer, Edgeworld Chronicles, The Demon's Lexicon, everything by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, Moshpit, like......I could go on forever about books that shaped my developing mind, that I can recite from memory over a decade later, that have grown into me like a fucking tree around an old bike.

but yeah sorry, Harry Potter honestly never captivated me the same way. I know for others it did (and that’s why this current situation is so painful to folks), but.........to avoid intellectual dishonesty, even baby me was like “meh”

[spoonyruncible]

So, I’ve been listening to a fan reading of Animorphs that I stumbled on by accident. It’s delightful. It’s been specifically endorsed by Michael Grant, so that was lovely to see.

I hadn’t realized, though, how sad the first book would be read aloud when you know about the coming horrors. Admittedly, the book opens with a war crime (recruiting child soldiers) but that’s standard fare for kid’s adventure stories while the stuff that happens later is not. They do recognize some of the gravity of their situation and, ya know Tobias, but it’s still hopeful and innocent. The Andalites will come soon and they’ll know what to do, they’ll save the Earth.