#Andrew is such a shit in this chapter
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jtl-fics · 1 year ago
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Fluent Freshman - Part 39
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Nicky screamed as he found himself yanked from his bed as he fell to the ground. The blanket that he had so perfectly burrito’d himself in had been pulled and he had gone with it pillows and all. He laid on the ground blinking up into the darkness wondering what the hell had just happened, he squints and thinks he sees blond hair. He racks his still loading brain to try and think of anything he had done recently to Aaron that would result in such a rude awakening.
The lamp clicks on.
“Nicky, are you- Andrew, what the hell.” He hears Aaron’s voice from the left and now Nicky can see the black armbands of his other cousin.
That tracks.
“Flight 8329 from Charleston International Airport to Seattle Tacoma International Airport took off 20 minutes ago.” Andrew says as if that means anything to Nicky.
“Cool?” Nicky squints at his cousin.
“There was an hour delay due to a staffing issue, but it is off the ground now.” Andrew continues and Nicky continues to not understand what is being said to him.
“Great?” Nicky hears Aaron.
There is silence in the room and Nicky finds himself starting to drift back to sleep. The floor really wasn’t that bad.
“So, Daniel’s not here anymore?” he hears Matt’s whispered question.
“Dude, why are you whispering?” Aaron asks.
“Smithsters still asleep.” Matt says voice still quiet.
“How the fuck did he sleep through Nicky’s banshee scream?” Aaron asks voice lowered down to a whisper.
“I think moving all his stuff wiped him out.” Matt offers.
“We moved everything he just said where he wanted it.” Aaron grouses quietly.
“You know Smithster isn’t much of a talker.” Matt reminds.
“Whatever.” Aaron huffs and Nicky is almost back asleep.
“Yes Matt,” Andrew says voice quieter than it had been when he had been rattling off facts about Daniel’s flight, “Daniel is not here anymore.” He says.
That is actually great news. Feels like a shame that FF didn’t wake up to hear it but Nicky knows that it wasn’t just the move that had wiped his friend out.
The last three days had been interesting.
First, Aras had flown back home. She had offered to stay longer with FF since Daniel was still around, but he had merely smiled and told her that he’d be okay. Nicky had almost cried when FF had said that he wasn’t alone anymore. Nicky’s heart twisted when the two decided that it was probably for the best that FF not come back to Washington for Winter Break.
Second, there had been the whole debacle where Daniel had shown back up with the man who had married FF’s mom. They had burst into the practice and had gone straight towards where FF was sitting sipping his ‘New and Improved Day/Boyd Smoothie’. Wymack had gotten between them before anything happened physically, but Nicky could still see how FF froze at the sight of his mother’s husband.
There had been raised voices, threats of security, demands on why ‘John’ hadn’t answered his phone to come bail his ‘brother’ out, that he’d forced his dad to come all the way across the country to bail his ‘brother’ out. FF had been quiet looking bored and unbothered by the tirade of the man who married his mother.
Wymack had been in rare form.
“He didn’t pick up because that phone is in my desk.” Wymack had hissed standing utterly stalwart between FF and the two men. “Now get the hell out of my Court before your son gets reacquainted with the Campus Police.” He points towards the exit.
FF’s Mother’s husband had demanded FF’s new phone number but neither Wymack or Smith gave it.
It was only as Wymack lifted his own phone up to his ear after having dialed campus security that the two got the hint and ran off.
Following that there’d been the expedited emergency restraining order request that had been pushed through.
Nicky and Wymack had been the ones that went with FF for support during the request since everyone else had a prior engagement. The security footage was all that had been needed to grant it as far as the judge was concerned despite FF’s Mother’s husband’s pleas that it was merely a ‘fight between brothers’.
Nicky had almost wished he had given Andrew the Maserati back when the jackass had shown up to the hearing with his son wearing a T-shirt that said ‘I’m not the step-dad. I’m the dad that stepped up.’
Oh.
He opens his eyes and tunes back into the conversation. It seems like Aaron had come to the realization that the only way that Andrew would be awake at this god forsaken hour of- Nicky looks at the alarm clock- 5 AM is because he’d been in the same bed as Neil who was a notorious early morning runner.
“You want the Maserati.” Nicky interrupts the whispered argument.
“No, I’m just here to comment on how Smith’s motorcycle helmet really ties the whole room together now that he’s moved in.” Andrew rolls his eyes so hard that even if Nicky hadn’t been looking at his cousin he would have heard the eyeroll. “Yes, I am here because it is now officially impossible for me to hit Daniel with my car. That was the deal.” Andrew says with a scowl, “So you are taking me to where you stored it.” He says.
“Andrew, it’s too early. They’re not open yet.” Nicky groans grabbing one of his pillows and trying to hide his face under it.
It was unsurprisingly ripped away before he could properly hide away from his cousin.
“We have to walk to wherever you hid my car.” Andrew hisses.
“Andrew you’re not seriously going to make me get up and walk the whole way there on the first morning that I can sleep in.” Nicky groans.
“This wouldn’t be happening if you hadn’t stolen my car Nicholas.” Andrew hisses.
“You guys can take my truck.” Matt says with a huge yawn as he settles back into bed. Morning practice for the rest of the week was not mandatory.
“See, we can take Matt’s truck. The place is only a 30 minute drive away and it doesn’t open until 7 AM anyways.” Nicky groans and tries to roll under the bed. If he can get to the far side then it will be difficult for Andrew, with his 5 foot nothing height to reach-
Andrew puts a foot between him and freedom.
“This room is buying Neil and I breakfast.” Andrew says, “And then we’ll go pick up my car.” He says.
“What? Why?!” Matt and Aaron demand as Nicky groans still trying to roll under the bed despite Andrew’s unyielding foot.
“You all either knew about Nicky’s plan or were part of Nicky’s plan.” Andrew says.
“Okay but Smithster is innocent.” Matt says.
“True, but we need him to come.” Andrew says.
“Why?” Nicky groans changing direction to try and roll under Aaron’s bed only to be stopped by the absolute barrier that was Katelyn’s suitcases of off-season clothes she kept under Aaron’s bed since her own room didn’t have space for it all.
“So we can get into the breakfast place now instead of the usual time for people our age. The owner loves him.” He says.
Ah, FF’s old lady magnetism.
Nicky gets it.
The boy has very pinchable cheeks.
There are very few things one can do when faced with an Andrew Minyard who has decided upon something. Eventually their whole room was up though Andrew at least was far more gentle with FF than he had been with Nicky. FF could sleep through almost any amount of noise but would wake up at the slightest touch and go still.
Nicky really wishes that Andrew had a less conspicuous car because he’s sure his cousin could have gotten away with running Daniel over if he had a Volvo or a Ford.
Nicky went with FF on the back of his motorcycle. One of Aras’ parting gifts to him had been an orange helmet with ‘Foxy’ written on it. Nicky had loved it immediately and unironically. Nicky held onto FF and hoped that his friend was awake enough to actually be driving on the damn thing, but FF had seemed at least 90% conscious.
Either way they arrived at the breakfast place FF was pushed to the front to speak with the owner of the fancy breakfast spot and within 10 minutes they were at a table surrounded by the elderly early bird patrons.
The all-you-can-eat brunch was always both a challenge and a danger when you are a group of college athletes. A challenge because it always felt a bit like a race against the chefs who were churning out chicken, waffles, hams to slice, eggs of all varieties, bacon, sausages, French toast, cinnamon rolls, hashbrowns, quiche, pancakes, biscuits and gravy, and lox bagels. The danger was what Matt was currently finding himself in since the man had failed to pace himself. “I think I’m gonna die.” Matt groaned.
“Smith, where did you get that smoothie?” Aaron asks looking as FF was sipping a delightful looking smoothie.
“The owner gave it to me while you guys were filling your plates.” FF says. “I’m supposed to let her know if I need another one.” He says.
“When are you going to be off that liquid diet?” Aaron asks as he digs into some bacon.
“Well, next week I can just start essentially putting things in the blender and I shouldn’t suffer the consequences like with the borscht.” FF shrugs. “Gran said she’d send along a pie to celebrate when I can eat solids again.” He adds and FF’s face is as blank and as unemotional as it usually was but there was a general air of sadness.
“You know, I don’t think it’d bother Allison or any of the girls if you joined us for winter break.” Matt says from where he was staring up at the ceiling still overfull from going too hard too fast on the egg options.
“I don’t want to intr-“
“It’s not an intrusion.” Andrew says looking at his phone, “We’re inviting you.” He adds before getting up and grabbing his backpack, “Do not let them take my plate.” He says looking at the table. Andrew’s plate was laden with the sweeter side of things for breakfast and he had made up a plate for Neil who was supposed to meet them at the breakfast spot.
Andrew left and nicky figured he was going to go grab Neil outside. “Isn’t it for the original Foxes?” FF asks.
“Yeah, but you’re our friend so it’s fine if you come. I know Dan wants to really get to know the guy who took her place on the line.” Matt says with a laugh that has him looking queasy afterwards.
“You and me can room together.” Nicky says.
“Isn’t Erik coming?” Aaron asks incredulously.
“Yeah? So?” Nicky questions.
Aaron looked at Nicky like he was an idiot and opened his mouth likely to say why, “I don’t want to intrude. I can probably just sleep on a couch out in the main area, if your friends are okay with me coming.” FF sips at his drink. “You and Erik have a lot to catch up on.” He says voice giving that slight indication that he felt awkward.
Catch-up on-
Ohhh.
Yeah, he and Erik are going to christen that bed if it hasn’t already been christened.
“We’ll figure something out.” Aaron says easily enough.
Eventually Andrew returned with Neil in tow. He was a little sweaty looking but definitely look like someone who had been running for about two hours at this point. He figures that Andrew must have brought spare clothes for Neil to change into so that he’d be acceptable in the breakfast joint.
“Smith has agreed to join us for Christmas Break.” Nicky announces to the couple as they took their seats.
“Quite brave of Smiths considering how the last holiday break went when he came with us.” Aaron says wrly.
“Yeah Andrew, make a deal not to stab Smithy again.” Nicky holds out a pinky for a pinky promise with his cousin.
Andrew rolled his eyes as FF piped in, “Romero stabbed me.” He says loyally.
Eventually they got to talking about their plans for the Winter Banquet on Friday. Nicky was going with FF as his date and had already gone out and gotten him an appropriately bespoke suit with Aras the week before.
Eventually they wrap up breakfast. Nicky, Aaron, and Matt all pay and they make their way out to the parking lot.
The parking lot where the Maserati was.
“Andrew, how in the world-“
“Like a locked gate would even slow Neil down. Got the opening time and the driving distance from you this morning and narrowed it down to the only long-term parking lot in the area.” Andrew says idly as Neil hands over the spare Maserati keys to him.
Nicky spends a bit more time bitching about the fact that Andrew woke them all up mostly out of spite and as a cover for getting his car back without Nicky’s assistance. However eventually the time for class swiftly approached.
“This isn’t over!” he says pulling on his Foxy Helmet and pointing at Andrew.
“I think it is.” Andrew replies with a shrug as he and Neil climbed into the front of the car.
Nicky rolled his eyes but climbed onto the back of FF’s motorcycle.
Winter Banquet was in 2 days.
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MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
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0xycod0ne · 1 year ago
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toxic yuri couple in honour of nora sakavic rising from the grave
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ionlydrinkhotwater · 3 months ago
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Rainbowcrate AFTG Spoilers
"On Monday Ichirou Moriyama had chosen Neil over his own family and bought the Perfect Court. One of these days Aaron would love to know what about that mouthy liar had people bending over backwards for him"
-The Kings Men AFTG rainbow crate special edition bonus
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medeaaasworld · 9 months ago
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《God, he is so– good, Neil chokes on a thought. Then comes the fond, protective asshole.
And like a shot in the temple,
check out the new chapter😋
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cat-dragron · 2 months ago
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I'm still so mad that August Kitko was such a mid book and like I would go do far as to say maybe it was bad but it's likely it just wasn't for me.
And then I read Hell Followed With Us and realize hey now... there's a lot of similarities between these two books and wow i am enjoying this other book way more. I almost want to dig into that and figure out why. Can you ever dislike something so much you want to take a scalpel to it and dissect it to find the bloody heart? Yeah that's what I'm feeling with August Kitko... it kinda sucks but I need to know why it makes me so mad.
#cat rambles#both books are about queer people at the end of the world#both are written by trans authors and yet the queerness is handled so differently#i just.... hell followed with us manages to really get into the world building and it feels alive despite most of hunanity being dead#akatmfs just... it feels so surface level and the more i think about thst book the more pissed off i get#i really wanted to like it SO BADLY AND YET I AM JUST SEETHING#i did finish akatmfs and i was just disaappinted at the ending#there are moments in hell followed with us that made me shriek out loud like OH SHIT ya know???#i like it when authors do interesting things with their medium#andrew joseph white does that so well with the spirit bears its teeth and with hell followed with us#ann leckie also does this well just with how she writes the characters and differing perspectives#akatmfs just.... even with two main characters it just doesnt do anything interesting with that#LIKE FUCK okay#chapter 1 is from gus's pov which is good! then chapter 2 is all from ardent's persepctive iirc#thats cool!!! i like different povs but then it just starts changing pov in the middle of yhe chapter and that just.... okay i guess#i thought you were setting up this cool rhing IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO COOL#theres a part where gus gets kocked the fuck out#imagine if instead of having thet dull ass conversation with Infinite the chapter was just kike a single line of him passed out and then we#snap back to ardent#THAT WOULD BE THRILLING#THAT WOULD BE SUSPENSEFUL BC WE DONT KNOW WHATLL HAPPEN TO GUS#but no we get thus dumb ass concersation between gus and infinite that i just disnt care for#i read it all and god i just rolled my eyes becasue of course the book reveals the mystery of where the Vanguards cane from so fast#maybe i just gotta write an essay about this idk#i have thoughts
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aroace-cat-lady · 2 months ago
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You know, the one time Neil takes a drag from a cigarette it's outside of the hospital after Drake and it's also the one time he doesn't find comfort out of it. Till this point the smell of smoke was comforting because it was a reminder of his mom and of his situation: Neil Josten wasn't real and this all was temporary. It grounded him but also disconnected him emotionally of the present.
But standing on the sidewalk with Wymack that day? There was no comfort, no way to step outside of himself or to make all of his emotions stop. Neil took a long drag to make sure the cigarette was actually burning, then cupped the glowing stick between his hands. The acrid smell of smoke, faint as it was on a night like this, should have been comforting. It wasn't.
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rainbowresurrection · 9 months ago
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I ended up reading The Price of the Phoenix and while it didn't make me want to bleach my eyes like Killing Time, I still didn't like it as much as I hoped I would. Don't get me wrong, the homoeroticism was intriguing to me, but the actual writing and storyline itself left me with a headache. I think I get my hopes up with these books, given all of the possibilities that the written word has for Trek, and it inevitably sets me up for disappointment lol
#if u liked it thats fine I just kind of hated it#star trek#The only ones Ive genuinely liked so far is STTMP and the one about Garak written by Andrew Robinson#i wish Roddenberry had written more. STTMP was no literary masterpiece but his writing style had a lot of potential and I feel that#he actually captured the characters authentically and you could relate to their feelings#Price of the Phoenix had all of this corny alpha male shit going on that almost made me feel#like the author just didn't know how to write men or something#Like they relied a lot on stereotypes of the time which sucked considering that Kirk and co. are supposed to be living in the future#the dialogue was clunky and even confusing at times#and the characters were just#idk. vapid to me#Like Kirk and Spock's love for each other is portrayed which is nice but basically everything else about them just didnt feel#accurately characterized or otherwise explored#it was basically just muliple chapters of several different versions of Kirk getting his ass kicked & this big weird villain dude taking up#space on the page with his plan to take over the universe or whatever#the reincarnation concept was intriguing but the themes just weren't clear enough for me#the end haha#sttos#k/s#review#price of the phoenix#well Im glad I read it anyway I was curious#i get kind of leary of certain K/S content TBF since a lot of it- esp around that time- comes off as voyeuristic towards M/M relationships#a lot of those ppl didnt exactly care about queer movements as much as they cared about seeing their two fictional favs fuck#yes there were queer writers but we didnt always exactly get center stage in these things#you can tell what is written with respect and whats just kinda. written. you feel me#i love K/S and its history but Im not gonna pretend all or even half of it was written with the intention of uplifting queer men#i ended up having more to say than I realized uhhhhhh to be continued at another date
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Link
Kapitel 9 ist online <3
“Fuck, Bob mag mich” - that’s it. That’s the whole fucking post.
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kebiday · 2 years ago
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(mumbling) kandreil fire emblem au...
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vsirin · 4 months ago
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i made my blog title and description a little andrew bolkonski shrine if anyone even cares <3
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juneboat · 8 months ago
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the fact that save files in deltarune are quite possibly even more diagetic than they were in undertale fills me with fear and dread like no other
#june's deltarune brainrot posts#june's undertale brainrot posts#that fucking menu. That Fucking Chapter 1 Save File Menu.#why the fuck is he There. why does he talk about the saves Like That.#why does he talk like they're so . Alive ?? why does he do that.#why does he take such interest in exactly what you do with them#why does he denote whenever you do extremely specific shit#like why wh ywh ywhy whywh yw does he find it so fucking special when you copy the same save file over all 3 slots#why is he even more fascinated when you OVERWRITE one of those fully copied save slots#and. and and and. god fucking dammit and.#AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THE THREAT LEVEL. WHY IS IT HIS ONLY INSTANCE OF “VERY INTERESTING” IN THAT MENU.#GOD FUCKING DAMMIT TOBY WHAT ARE YOU COOKING#and then theres the fact i Literally Just Thought of that what if the post chapter 1 save menu narration is Also a character just not gaste#like. if you think really hard about it to the point that andrew cunningham's brainrot meter starts crying out in pain#the lines in that menu are extremely very incredibly insanely slightly might be somewhat a tiny bit weird-ish#like i cant stress enough that this is a complete crack pot theory but What If It Is yknow#the line that sticks out to me as the most “EVIISMBSATBW-I” ( look at the previous tags to see what that acronym stands for )#is “There's nothing to erase.” again this is entirely 100000% brainrot and i am off the shits#but like. surely i can't be alone in thinking the wording is eeeeever so slightly odd there#like surely it could just be something like “File is blank.” or “Can't erase a blank file.” or something simple like that#but it's specifically “There's nothing to erase.”#There Is Nothing To Erase.#surely i can't be the Singular One Person In the World who is at least slightly reminded of chara's post-geno dialogue with that line#yes i'm entirely insane welcome to june brainrot. anyways#tag-exclusive rant over enjoy the#elusive june rant
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kirsctein · 1 year ago
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I don’t really get it when ppl write Neil younger than he is for no reason??? Is it for shock factor?
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joejhang · 3 months ago
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a list of my favourite things from the aftg bonus chapters (spoilers ahead !!!)
aaron bitching about neil endlessly
bee and andrew !!!
mama bee
"everyone knows now bee" (KMSKMSKMSKMSKMSKMS)
"who fears the monster that knows the taste of a whip?" (shakespeare was gagged)
andrew calling neil the bane of his existence (they're in love your honour)
bee telling andrew she's sorry about what happened to him and is proud of him (who else cried)
more outsider pov of andreil (i need this shit like drugs)
"would you like to talk about neil today?" "no." "yes."
"you know i asked him (neil) about you. i asked him if he was taking advantage of you. he tried to punch me out." (and andrew's reaction????? i SCREAMED)
"i like neil's promise ring, by the way." (GOODBYE AARON'S SO FUNNY)
"his (neil's) father's people tore up his arms with a lighter and knives, and none of it is going to fade. he doesn't need to see those" (I'M CRYING HE CARES HE CARES SO MUCH I'M GONNA BE SICK HE'S SO HONEST)
andrew SMILING????
andrew calling aaron "an ignorant little shit"
andrew wanting aaron and bee's approval (AGAIN. HE CARES SO MUCH.)
KATELYN AND AARON <3333
"neil is not our family, not with the way you look at him." (i SCREAMED it's the way aaron can see through andrew so clearly. HOW DOES HE LOOK AT NEIL AARON. HOW DOES HE LOOK AT NEIL.)
aaron taking any chance he can get to yap about katelyn (they're soulmates wtf)
i blame us both. (i threw up)
"i don't want to lose you" (TWINYARDS YOU WILL ALWAYS MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME)
"peace?" "we're foxes. there's no such thing." (no you don't get it. they're FOXES)
"give her to me andrew." "you will regret it." "says the man dating a mafioso." "i'm not dating him." "liar." (FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. NEIL "MAFIOSO" JOSTEN IS CRAZY. MIND YOU NEIL CALLS ANDREW A TERRIBLE LIAR LITERALLY LATER ON THIS WEEK FOR DENYING THEIR RELATIONSHIP. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE CLOCKED BY YOUR BROTHER AND NEIL MF JOSTEN ABOUT THE SAME THING, ANDREW. HOW DOES IT FEEL.)
anyway as you can tell i enjoyed the bonus chapters. a lot.
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moonyslove78 · 2 years ago
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Holy fuck @liz-allyn ! 😳🤯 I may actually be rendered speechless here!
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Just kidding, you know I can't let a chapter (especially THIS chapter) slide by without spilling the entirety of my heart and soul out in review form. So, I'll immediately apologize for how long this is... but here we go!
First, I'd like to address this...
heavy chapter warnings for S&V John Walker
Because that absolutely is the best possible trigger warning you can give for that asshole, dickhead, bitchass mother fucker, pathetic abusive son-of-a-bitch, CUNT!
Yeah, I think it's safe to say I have a severe hatred for John Fucking Walker.
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So the beginning of the chapter already had me in tears…
The obvious solution was to trim her nails. She had to. It had to be done. They didn’t own a pair of nail clippers, Honey knew that. But it was on her to fix things. She was in charge. So she took a pair of kitchen scissors and tried her best.
This tore my heart into shreds. 💔😢 It's the "tried her best" that got me good, because it shows the weight of the world on her shoulders already, at such a young and impressionable age. I just couldn't imagine the pain she went through growing up in the household that she did. And it breaks my fucking heart.
“You know. In case you ever have to hide a dead body.”  It was a joke. Until it wasn't. John changed that.
Ouch... one hurt a lot to read. The wound is still fresh with this one and it's awful that it had to be THIS tragedy that made it become "not a joke" anymore. And then the realization following this statement that the only thing left of him was the blood she was covered in, so she didn't want to wash it away... UGH! I seriously miss him already and I'm gonna cry and be salty about it for a moment... so you'll have to excuse me here.
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You know my ass was cheering for her (better late than never, IMHO) when she glared at that fucking phone before tossing it in the toilet bowl! I know it's not even important to THEM now, but in my eyes, this was a turning point for her. She needed this to be able to move on....and hopefully forgive herself for the decisions she made because of it.
Ben and May’s wedding rings. Tarnished. Stained with blood. He quickly reached for the towel.
😭😭😭
This killed me just as much as the part about Honey cutting infant Gabby's nails with kitchen scissors. He wasn't at all triggered by his appearance and pain he was feeling physically. But he did NOT want Ben and May's rings to be tainted by the blood that stained them. My heart broke for him all over again. Because all I was picturing was a young heartbroken and rageful Peter Paker pulling their wedding bands off their cold, bloody hands and cleaning the blood off of them, just to put them in a safe place until he could find a better place for them... next to his heart. 💔 Ugh! My feels!
Perfect for concealing weapons. After all, he was dressing for a funeral.
Yes, and that funeral shall be a JOYOUS one! (Seriously, fuck John Walker...)
“Thought you were getting some sleep.” Peter’s tone was flat. His eyes flicked back to his reflection as he tugged on the lapels of his blazer.
Not when you're dressed like that and I know what's happening! I think not! I am attending the same funeral, you can bet on that! And boy am I glad she stood her ground! When he asked her "And what, ya think killing him is gonna fix it?" My mind was totally screaming, "YES! YES, it definitely will help, at least!" Her response was even better though.
“I don’t care about feeling better!” she barked back. He neatly flinched at the sharpness of her tone. Fury bubbled beneath her skin. “The only thing I care about is that he suffers.”
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I couldn't have said it better myself, Honey! 👏 (I couldn't help but use this gif here because I needed some kinda comic relief in the moment. 😅)
The fact that she knew immediately, by just the short statement of "Too many people have already gotten hurt." that this meant he was going after John without telling anyone else blew me away. To me, that spoke volumes of not only his character, but her knowledge of such. She knows him so well now, that she knew just by those words alone, he wasn't risking informing anyone else of what he was doing because he knew they wouldn't let him go in without backup. And he wasn't going to lose anyone else.
“Rollins, don’t you dare bring the car around!” she commanded, blocking Peter’s path and skewering him with a defiant glare.
YES!!! I loveeeeee that she was taking charge of the situation here. The fact that in the beginning I would've never thought I'd see the day where she demanded something of Peter's "employees" (I will now use that term loosely for asshole Rollins... I fucking knew this fucker couldn't be trusted... but that's for another part of this review) Let alone when it is going against a command that Peter gave them. And I am living for it!
There was sooooo much about the next part of the chapter that completely blew me away. First, her saying "You're not doing this for us, Peter!" made my heart clench! Because in other words, she was saying that if he was thinking about them he wouldn't be risking his life. That he wouldn't be selfish about the revenge factor and would realize what Peter being in danger would be doing to her. To everyone.
“If I were doing this for Eddie,” he said, “I’d make ‘em watch me kill everything he ever loved, ya feel me? ‘Course, I highly doubt you were ever on that list, so you’ve got nothin’ to worry about.” She barked a bitter laugh. “So this is, what, payback? Your stupid, dick-measuring way of defending my honor?”
This was such a formidable statement. It literally gave me chills reading it. Though, I almost feel like John doesn't have anything/anyone he's ever loved... he's that much of a heartless spineless-- I'm gonna stop myself before I go off the rails again, or else we'll be here all week. 😂
But her response threw me! I was NOT expecting that. 👀
“No,” he said, deathly grave. “For what he did to you—I would keep him alive for as long as I possibly could.”
Talk about chills.
The fact that he wouldn't outwardly say the words "somebody else I love." But she already knows he does....makes his next words even more heartwrenching.
“I need to do this, Honey,” he whispered ruefully. He had calmed slightly, swallowing back his rage.  The only thing left behind was a tiny, heartbroken remark. “It’s the only thing I’m good at.” The corners of his mouth turned down sharply.
💔💔💔
The fact that he truly believes this to be true hurts so much. I just wanna wrap him in a big hug and sob that he is so much more than that. That he is better than just that. 😢
The admissions that he knew that she was running from something in her past, that there was a reason "the feds"/John had her doing their dirty work, that it absolutely did hurt him when she lied to him, that it wasn't just "business"/him using her as he tried to make himself believe at first and that all along he was afraid to ask her to tell him the truth, not only because he was afraid of what he would do when he found out... but that he thought that he was the reason for all of it, when all along John just wanted a way to get to her and he knows that he led him to her... This confession was something I'd definitely wondered about before. Wondering exactly how much he knew... It was slightly confirmed when Felicia mentioned knowing some of that information in the last chapter, but now knowing why he didn't push the subject makes it even more profound. He really believed deep down that she could never love him because that's what John wanted... it just makes me hate that dickhead even more. I should probably breathe before I go off on another tangent about how much he deserves to rot.
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But no matter what, the fact that Peter was willing to risk everything to make sure she was free... free of all of it. He was determined to make sure she never had to live in fear. Running and hiding to save herself. That was fucking beautiful. 🥺❤️
And then, he was there... And his fucking traitorous henchmen!
Fucking Rollins... and the other two dicks. I can't say I didn't expect there to be an insider (besides Honey) but this just cemented the fact that John didn't need to involve her at all, much less in the threatening way he had. And in the moment Peter realized this, the betrayal ran even deeper.
Yet, his ability to produce the amount of blatant sarcasm and heat in his replies was pure perfection.
John’s humorless gaze turned into a cold glare. “I don’t know if you’ve heard,” he added vindictively, “but that’s my wife you have behind you.” His eyes lightened, and a callous smirk formed on his lips. “You mean that’s ‘your wife’ I’ve had beneath me,” Peter sneered lewdly.
This probably shouldn't have sounded as hot as it did, coming from Peter in this moment. But fuck if it didn't... 🥵🔥
“Yeeaah,” Peter chuckled mockingly, fueling John’s anger. “She told me all about you. Short story. If ya catch my drift.”
😅😅😅
This killed me! Just as much as the rest of his insult following. 👏😂 And what was better was that it gave him the reaction he was looking for. Of course, he wouldn't John Walker if he didn't go for the killing blow right out of the gate. He couldn't be a man and face his "foe" head on. He had to bring Honey down to make himself feel more powerful.
Though Peter wasn't having any of that. It was the “Anyone touches her, and I’ll send ya back home to your families in garbage bags.” that did it for me. Apparently for John, too. Since the "bringing Honey down" option didn't work in his favor, he figured bringing Gwen up would. And he knew that he hit a nerve with his words there, so why not test out the Honey theory for a second time. His willingness to say anything to make Peter doubt her, as well as himself, is such a John thing to do. Yet, all it did was make Peter hate the asshole even more. This was very evident in the way he replied with "Gloat all you want, asshole... She still dumped you."
And I was so relieved when she finally spoke up, the second the lie about him "pleasuring her on their date"! I was so worried that he was going to keep spewing lies upon lies because she wasn't in the right frame of mind to refute them.
And their, although ultimately in vain, thinking/working together to try to gain some kind of upper hand. Without a word being spoken between them, besides his words of "reassurance" that this was their chance... was something I didn't know I needed until I read it.
I am certainly glad our man Peter has a high pain tolerance and heightened healing abilities... This poor guy's been through the ringer physically in the last few months but more specifically the last couple days. SOMEONE (yes, I chose that color specifically for a reason 👀) will have to be sure to take good care of him later... *wink wink nudge nudge* 😂😅
I was saying while reading that next part "Can someone pleeeease come help Peter!" Like, I have all the faith in the world that had A. John not had Anti-Venom living inside him or B. Peter still had Venom inside him, that he could've handled shit on his own. But in his condition, with the deck stacked against him, I was just glad to see him holding his own in the moment. Surviving.
What I didn't expect was for Honey to take the reigns and throw herself at John's mercy. (when we all know, her more than anyone, that he hasn't got an ounce of it) I almost had a moment of "oh shit, this is actually about to happen... and Peter may possibly be in no place to prevent it... which is going to kill them both even more..."
But, Honey came through like the absolute badass we knew she is!
Or should I say Maricella now? 😍😍😍
THIS was an ultimate MJ moment if I've ever seen one! You don't know how much I wanted her to be "MJ" and you completely blew my expectations, for not only her name itself, but the reveal out of the water!
Her command that she was none of the names John's called her... and that she will not allow him to have that power over her any longer. THIS IS WHAT I CAME HERE FOR! (Well that and the beautiful love story that played out with it... and the smut in the future... okay, so I'm here for multiple reasons, but this is one of the main ones... 😂
“My name is Maricella Jimenez,” she hissed, sounding out each syllable carefully. “And you will remember it.”
Having this being the finality of her statement was completely poetic. Before she FINALLY was able to, and in the most perfect way, exact her revenge on (I like the way Peter worded it best) that "pathetic… wife-beating sack of shit"!
When we asked for justice to be served, that's exactly what we got. And though I know Peter had wished it could've been him to finish this. I am so glad it was her! This was what needed to be done. And how you did it, couldn't have been more perfect.
And thank goodness she had some "practice" with aim & shoot in the last few hours because she made those last few bullets count. Along with yet another moment of Peter and Honey synchronizing their attack. Even if not purposely.
There's soooooo much I could say about the next few parts but I've already taken up a LOT of characters and a ton of your time. So I'll just say that I was holding my breath the entire time. Waiting for the pin to drop. Hoping and praying that it wouldn't be her disassociating that would be his downfall.
He let go. Let go of his rage. Of his vendetta. Of his grief. Of his fantasies. He let go of the idea of Honey. From the depths of his bitter heart, he gave her his unconditional love. "What I want..."
It was in that moment that my heart simultaneously died and was jump started again.
That kiss was magic, Liz! 😍
The more I read, the more giddy I got! I mean, I know they've shared kisses before, but something about this one... okay, EVERYTHING about this one, screamed perfection on both parties side's. And I cannot WAIT to see what that "What I want... is for you to touch me." statement leads to! 😮‍💨
I am so excited to read the next part, I can't even deal! I just hope I'm not at work when you post it because I don't know how I'll ever be able to get any work done! 😅😂
And knowing that this amazing series is nearly over... I don't know how to feel about that! It's definitely going to be a bittersweet moment. Because I obviously (as well as, I'm sure, all of your loyal readers) hope to see a beautiful, long awaited growth, love-filled, happy ending... I also am very attached to these characters you've created and will hate to see it end.
You're truly brilliant, Liz! There are some fantastic writers here in this fandom, but I've not yet read a series with writing quite like yours. And the fact that you're such an amazing person, is just the cherry on top!
I will continue to shout it from the rooftops and in my abnormally LONG chapter reviews. (Like may as well be a novel long 😅) But it's nothing but the truth.
This work of art deserves a damn book deal!
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sugar and vice, pt. 20 [mob!tasm!peter x fem!reader-oc]
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summary: no more running. no more cages.
words: 10.7 k
chapter warning: heavy chapter warnings for S&V John Walker (it's a warning), SA, de@th, g0re, g!uns, vi0lence!
series warnings: mob-typical bang bang violence, wh-mp. hurt/comfort. s-xu-l situations. spousal ab-se. family trauma. dr-g use. coercion. manipulation. kidnapping. gore. blood. toxic/yandere!peter (maybe, sorta), negative self talk, shameless forced proximity trope. ‘only ten one bed oops’ trope, imprisonment. slowest burn. a dash of questionable and/or morally grey intentions. extremely toxic relationships.
This version of TASM Peter is not canon. The relationships and characters here are not healthy.
Don't date a mob boss.™️
18+ You’re responsible for your own media consumption, but if you don't know these TWs by now, then don't go here.
Back to Part 19.
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Note: your comments and notes keep me alive, but please be careful to use section breaks and spoiler tags!
Part 20
Once when she was a little girl, she cut her baby sister’s nails. She had to. It was something that their mother would have done—should have done—but she hadn’t been home in several days. Her older sister had the most experience, but she was stuck working a double shift. Rebecca had been sick with a cold for days, and Selena was just a toddler. 
After all, it was her job to look after her younger siblings.
So that left Honey in charge. 
Poor Gabriella. The infant couldn’t stop scratching her face. Red lines marked up her round cheeks like tiger stripes. Honey knew if any of the children had too many marks, people would start to notice. Then something bad would happen, her mother assured her. People would come and take Gabriella away.
She tried everything to prevent the baby from digging her tiny claws into her own skin. She tried rolled socks as makeshift mittens. She tried using a bath towel as a swaddle, but that turned out to be an awful idea once the infant realized she was stuck and didn’t like being restrained. 
By contrast, being tied up wasn’t something that ever bothered Honey.
The obvious solution was to trim her nails. She had to. It had to be done. They didn’t own a pair of nail clippers, Honey knew that. But it was on her to fix things. She was in charge. So she took a pair of kitchen scissors and tried her best. 
After that, she was never okay with the sight of blood.
It used to bother her tremendously. She’d become agitated for a few days out of every month. Her other sisters would joke about it. ‘She must be on her period.’ They were right. 
As a teenager, the smallest knick from shaving her legs in the shower would send her into a dizzy spiral. Over time, it got better. John changed that.
Mrs. Walker became an expert at cleaning up blood. She learned to ignore the smell or at least put a dab of Vicks beneath her nose to block the stench. 
The only helpful thing she learned in high school chemistry was how blood cells expanded when coming in contact with warm water. Thus, her teacher told her, cold water was best for removing blood stains. 
“You know. In case you ever have to hide a dead body.” 
It was a joke. Until it wasn’t.
John changed that.
She sat on the tiled floor of her bathroom, shoulders slumped and expression blank. Now, it was impossible to get rid of the blood on her hands. She could strip off her clothes and burn them, but she felt it on her skin. She could shove an entire eucalyptus tree up her nose, but the scent would linger.
She was stained in rust colors, starkly contrasting the pristine ivory of her bathroom. Silently, she gazed at how the blood crusted on her skin, following the ridges of her pores like brush strokes in oil paint. The cotton hoodie and joggers she’d been wearing were soaked through. There had been so much carnage and death she didn’t even know whose blood she was wearing.
Helen’s. Johnny’s. Her own, probably. Blood from ‘that’ guy, whose scalp was torn off.
Eddie’s blood.
All that was left of his life stained her skin. She should be nauseous by now. She should be at least a little woozy. But, instead, the thought of just washing him away made her want to die inside. 
She would wear it, then. Needed to wear it—she had to. On her arms and face. On her neck. On her chest, like a scarlet letter. Irreversably stained.
Is this what it means to be desensitized to gore? 
Indeed, she felt nothing at all.
What happened, happened. The Bunker was in shambles. It would take months to repair. Would have if Peter hadn’t instructed them to burn everything left.
Every piece of incriminating evidence, every tool at their disposal, and every chapter of their history was on fire underground. Nothing would be left, no matter when the fire department showed up. Johnny had re-routed the gas lines years ago. With the flip of a switch, everything would go up in flames. Nothing could be salvaged. It would be an empty cave filled with useless, charred artifacts from an irrelevant time.
On second thought—she considered—that’s what she felt.
It was as good of a description as any.
After that morning’s attack, she was dropped off at the Penthouse. Peter would follow soon after, they told her. She shouldn’t wait up.
She had limped into her bathroom to clean off the remnants of the massacre. There she remained, for over an hour. Couldn’t get up off the floor. Couldn’t force herself to get in the shower.
At this rate, she may never be clean again.
Her eyes wandered to the smartphone beside her, tucked near her thigh. 
John’s phone.
This was the weapon that killed Eddie Brock. 
The second she had entered her room, she pulled the cursed object out from the box spring. She wanted to hand it over quickly so that Peni could analyze it. Could... study it, or whatever it is that tech nerds do. Honey would do anything to fix things.
But nobody cared about the phone. It was as good as a gun without bullets. A time bomb, two seconds too late. It was of no consequence.
She picked up the smartphone, glaring down at it with contempt. Sticky red fingerprints covered the cracked screen. Her blood. Their blood.
Eventually, she came to a stand. Then, bitterly, she dropped the phone into the toilet bowl, submerging it in water. 
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Peter was finally home. But it didn’t feel like home.
His home was on fire, riddled with bullet holes. Just like the home he grew up in.
He stood before the full-length mirror in his wardrobe and wiped the blood stains away with a damp, pink-tinged towel. His flesh was now rubbed raw. The cotton fabric felt like sandpaper against his tender skin.
The obvious solution was to take a proper shower. But he didn’t have time. He only needed to get enough blood off to pass in broad daylight without someone calling the cops if they saw him. He wouldn’t get very far if he looked like an ax murderer.
With all the rage he held inside, an ax was unnecessary. Overkill. And yet, not enough ‘kill.’
He had redressed in clean clothes, wearing a pair of midnight-navy trousers with creased edges that were sharp enough to cut. He paused midway through buttoning a crisp, white dress shirt, momentarily taking in the gruesome sight of himself. 
His torso was a canvas splashed with deep purples and reds, stretched over a frame of broken ribs and pinched nerves. His eyes rested on the delicate box chain around his neck, which held two gold wedding bands near his heart.
Ben and May’s wedding rings. Tarnished. Stained with blood.
He quickly reached for the towel.
Minutes later, he carefully shrugged on a matching double-breasted blazer, wincing as he pulled it over his shoulders. Every part of him felt broken, in every possible way. But physical pain hadn’t stopped him yet, not when something more important was driving him.
He regarded his reflection with tight lips. He didn’t wear this jacket too often. It was a tuxedo cut and hung looser than he was accustomed to, making his frame appear boxy. A little too retro, maybe. 
Perfect for concealing weapons. After all, he was dressing for a funeral. 
His skin prickled. He was familiar with the sensation. He recognized it instantly, like an earthy scent before a rain shower. Honey’s reflection came into view as she approached the doorway behind him.
The sight of her covered in blood made his stomach clench. He reminded himself that it wasn’t all her blood, and only then did the tension in his chest release. But not entirely.
“Thought you were getting some sleep.” Peter’s tone was flat. His eyes flicked back to his reflection as he tugged on the lapels of his blazer. 
He didn’t say it as a question; rather, he stated it as an expectation.
She stared back, unfazed, wearing a stone expression. “What are you going to do?” 
Similarly, it wasn’t a question. More like a demand.
He briefly glanced at her before returning to the mirror. His jaw set firmly. “You don’t wanna know.”
She marched into the room. “You’re going after John. I want to help.”
“Help me?” he repeated with a scoff. “I don’t think so.”
Her forehead creased, offended. “Look, I can help—”
“Just what do you think is about to happen right now?” he snapped. He squinted his eyes, turning on his heel to face her. “Ya think we’re just gonna pull up on ‘em and that’s it? Ya think he’s just sittin’ around at home watching TV?”
“No,” she said. Her tone was unwaveringly resolved. “I think he’s expecting you to come after him.” 
“No shit,” Peter sighed with frustration. “I’m expecting to be expected.” He fixed a stern gaze on her, tension pulling at his vocal cords. “Only difference is I don’t care if he knows I’m comin’, or how many cops are in my way. There’s only one way this ends, and it ends bloody. And you don’t want any part of it.”
He brushed past her and stomped towards his bureau. Her eyes followed each movement, crackling with lightning bolts. “Fuck you, telling me what I want!” she hissed. “This is my mess, too!”
He pivoted toward her. “And what, ya think killing him is gonna fix it?” His face went grim, sorrow etched into his features. Remorse welled in the bottom of his eyes. “Think it gets easier after that? Ya think it’ll make you somehow feel better—?”
“I don’t care about feeling better!” she barked back. He neatly flinched at the sharpness of her tone. Fury bubbled beneath her skin. “The only thing I care about is that he suffers.”
Peter contemplated her for a quiet moment. “Well,” he said, voice soft. His melancholy briefly overshadowed his rage. “You don’t need to worry about that.” 
He didn’t meet her eye. Instead, he studied the grain of the wood beneath his feet, letting his shoulders deflate. He looked beyond tired, deep lines creasing his features and flecks of gray in his beard. Yet, when he lifted his chin, his eyes were resolute. He arched his path to avoid her.
Unsatisfied, she trailed him with fire in her eyes. “How will you know where to find him?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
“Who’s going with you?”
“Stop asking questions, Honey.”
She grasped him by the shoulder and yanked him around to face her. “Jesus Christ! The phone is gone, you unbelievable asshole! Do you really think I’d tell anyone—?”
“You’re not getting involved,” he stated firmly.
“Not involved? Are you fucking serious?!”
“Too many people have already gotten hurt.”
“Holy shit,” she blanched, freezing in place. Her eyes widened in horror. “You’re not telling the others, are you?”
He paused, for eons, she thought. Peter tried to keep his face neutral, but it was useless under her scrutiny. His eyes were ablaze with stubborn resolve, lips in a line. He turned his back and continued down the staircase.
Blinking rapidly, she watched him walk away. She felt dizzy, but not from weakness. Instead, rage pulsed through her veins, each blood cell embedded with fear. She rushed after him, hot on his heels. 
“You’re going in alone?” she growled, her nose crinkled. “That’s your fucking genius plan? Go in, guns blazing, and hope you don’t get yourself killed?!”
“I have no intention of getting killed,” Peter said. “Not unless I’m taking him with me.”
His reaction enraged her further as they approached the base of the stairs. “Who does that work out for, huh?” she spat. 
Ignoring her, he marched on. Peter spotted one of the guards standing watch outside his office door. “Rollins!” he ordered, voice booming. “Bring the car ‘round.”
“Yes, sir—”
“Rollins, don’t you dare bring the car around!” she commanded, blocking Peter’s path and skewering him with a defiant glare. It was as if she dared him to move her. His dark eyes flashed angrily as he clenched his jaw. He looked as if he was considering it.
Rollins stared at the two of them, back and forth. Frozen with indecision. 
Enraged by his sudden hesitancy, Peter’s nostrils flared. He shot a dangerous glare at the guard before glancing down at the young woman with ire. 
He lifted his gaze back to his man, narrowing his eyes. “Rollins...” Through gritted teeth, his guard’s name sounded more like a declaration of war. 
Rollins sprang into action. “On it, sir.”
As his guard disappeared, she kept her feet rooted to the floor like a mythical beast guarding a castle. She breathed flames from her mouth and conjured curses and plagues with her gaze.
“You asshole—you’re in such a hurry to kill yourself!” she said viciously. “Who for, huh?! You think this is about the others? For Miles? You’re not doing this for us, Peter! And you’re not doing it for Eddie, either!”
“You’re damn right, I’m not!” he snapped indignantly, jabbing his finger into his bruised sternum. “I’m not doing this for anybody but myself!” 
Heat radiated from him in waves, like steam from a hot spring. He bent his neck, leering over her. Volume dropped low, his voice thickened into a threatening rumble. “If I were doing this for Eddie,” he said, “I’d make ‘em watch me kill everything he ever loved, ya feel me? ‘Course, I highly doubt you were ever on that list, so you’ve got nothin’ to worry about.”
She barked a bitter laugh. “So this is, what, payback? Your stupid, dick-measuring way of defending my honor?”
“This isn’t about you, Honey,” he said, dark as night. He leaned down until his lips were inches from her forehead, eyes as cold and sharp as a jagged iceberg. “If it was—knowing what I know now,” he added breathily, “I promise you—it wouldn’t be anything like this.”
A misleading smirk formed on his lips, betraying the brutality staining his thoughts. She felt the heat of his rage in each whispered word. 
“No,” he said, deathly grave. “For what he did to you—I would keep him alive for as long as I possibly could.”
The unabashed, murderous smile on his lips sent a shiver down her spine. Her discomfort didn’t faze him this time. He didn’t care how scared she was of him. If anything, the more afraid she was, the better.
“He’s a disease,” Peter ranted, directing his frustration back towards himself, “that I’ve allowed to spread. He’s a threat to everything I give a damn about! And I will not let him hurt somebody else I lo—”
Blinking, he cut the sentence short, just millimeters from a leap he wasn’t willing to take. She stared intently up at him, unaware that she was holding her breath.
He pursed his lips, eyes heavy with regret. He looked away, avoiding her gaze while he composed himself. Finally, he took in a slow, tense breath. “I need to do this, Honey,” he whispered ruefully. He had calmed slightly, swallowing back his rage. 
The only thing left behind was a tiny, heartbroken remark. “It’s the only thing I’m good at.” The corners of his mouth turned down sharply. 
She didn’t hesitate. “Even if that were true, you don’t need to do it alone.”
He shook his head in frustration. “Why are you so desperate to know what it’s like to kill somebody?”
A vicious yell burst out of her mouth. “I already have killed somebody!” she shouted, as if it were obvious. Her voice echoed off the walls while anguish pooled in her eyes. “It’s my fault Eddie is dead! I know it is—”
He shook his head again. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine—”
“Of course, it’s your fault!” she roared. “It’s both of our faults!” 
The comment stunned him, only slightly less than the bitterness of her tone. He snapped his mouth closed, taken aback. 
Despair twisted her face, and anger lit up her eyes. “Don’t you get it?” She was green with sickness, spitting out words like they were poison. “This is what he does! He turns people against each other!” 
Peter stayed quiet as he observed her intensity. Her feet were rooted while her whole body raged, “He turns you against yourself! He twists you up until you can’t even trust your own instincts! Until you hate yourself enough to feel like you had it coming!”
A dam had broken, and a river of acid spilled through her lips. Resentment from years of abuse writhed in her chest like a tsunami, threatening to flood every street in New York. Her fingers itched to wrap around the collective necks of the city and drown it in her devastation.
She pointed at Peter, eyes flashing furiously. “You’re willing to get yourself killed because you feel responsible for every bad thing that’s ever happened!” She jabbed her thumb back at herself. “I’m willing to suffer in silence because I feel responsible for every bad thing that’s happened!”
“Meanwhile,” she added, with a livid hiss, “John Mother Fucking Walker—who is actually responsible for all of this—feels Nothing. At. All!  Because he is a fucking psychopath!” 
Peter blinked, contemplating her in silence. Her firm eyes narrowed on him. “That’s how he beats us, Peter!” she exclaimed. “Fear! Guilt! That’s how he wins!”
The frustration in her voice reverberated off of the walls, sending a tremor that penetrated the bedrock. Peter observed her, stoic save for the sorrow in his gaze. 
Her chest heaved as unshed tears dampened her lashes. Exhausted, she sighed heavily. “I am tired of letting him win,” she said in exasperation. She was more composed but no less grave. “And if you think you’re gonna do what I think you’re gonna do—which is go after him alone—then that’s exactly what will happen.”
Peter’s eyes glistened, red-rimmed and raw. His silence stretched on forever until she was nearly inclined to  choke him for a response. Eventually, he simply bowed his head, casting his eyes down.
“What if fear and guilt are the only things I have left?” It was a meek, feeble reply from someone so powerful. She blinked up at him, watching as he chewed on his lower lip. “Wish it wasn’t that way. I wish I had—” 
He stopped, leaving the thought unfinished.
“Doesn’t matter what I wish, does it?” he said. “Doesn’t matter what coulda been.”
A crease formed between her brows. Her face softened. “Peter—”
“Just let me say this, please,” he blurted out with urgency as if the words would claw their way from his chest. “I need to.” She regarded his desperate gaze, and eventually, she bobbed her head gently.
He gazed down at her. His lower lip twitched for a moment. “I had my suspicions about your past,” Peter explained mournfully. “Knew something bad happened, but... bad shit happens to everyone, though. First, I thought it was your mother. Then after Pym, I... I figured it was some old boyfriend, some jerk who treated you like trash.” 
Her face flushed red. When she looked back at him, his glazed eyes were fixed on her. Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. With shards of glass on his tongue, he murmured, “I-I didn’t know... wh-what he—”
“I don’t blame you, Peter, if that’s what you think—”
“I didn’t wanna know,” he firmly replied, silencing her. Guilt weighed down his features. “Didn’t wanna ask, if I’m bein’ honest.” He gulped, nearly choking on his words like a razor blade stuck in his throat. “I was afraid of what I would do if I knew the truth.” 
She felt warmth sting her eyes, tears budding at the corner of her lids. 
“I thought, I guess—” Peter’s voice tremored before he pressed on. “I-I thought I could save you. From what, I didn’t even know. Maybe that was my mistake all along.”
He raked his fingers through his hair, eyes heavy with shame. “I was so stupid. I’m the one that let him in. I let this act—this dance between us—I let it go on.” He sniffed with a bleary gaze. “He played me against me,” he declared with finality. “My fear. My doubt, self-hatred—whatever you wanna call it. Whatever voice in my head that tells me... th-that you... You could never love somebody like me.”
She flinched at that. Her resolve to remain stoic buckled under her feet.
His eyes dropped to his feet. “I told myself this was just business, and that if the Feds could use you, so could I.” Vulnerability poured from his eyes as they met hers. “I pretended it didn’t kill me every time you looked me in the face and lied.” 
Despite his apology, her stomach twisted with shame. 
“And each time it happened,” he explained, “I couldn’t figure out what they had on you. Something awful, I figured. Something that scared the shit out of you.”
Peter looked at her somberly, lower lip wobbling and eyes dark with regret. “I thought it was me.” 
Her face crumpled at his admission, grief seizing her at last. She bit down on her lip to keep a sob from escaping. 
“It’s like he already won,” he said, with a broken soul. “I thought I was the one he wanted.” He sniffed, peeking down at her through wet lashes. Deep, raw heartache thickened his voice. “Turns out, it was you all along. And I led him straight to you.” 
Her vision flooded with tears at his admission. It sounded like a confession from a dying man. After a few gut-wrenching moments, Peter lifted his chin and met her eyes, resolved. “That’s why I’m doing this without you, Honey. This is my mistake to fix.”
Overwhelmed with grief, she stared up at him in a daze. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she gently shook her head to protest. 
“I’m sorry, Peter,” she said. It sounded like a eulogy.
His eyes glistened as he nodded, love and loss in their depths. “Me too.” 
He gazed at her, the coffee color of his irises shining bittersweet. She stared up at him in adoration and agony. She debated whether she should wrap her arms around him and cry or kiss him dizzy. 
He paused, letting his eyes linger, then turned away and trodded down the hall. “I’m gonna fix this, Honey,” he said. “I promise. You’re free.”
Perplexed, she darted after him. “Wh-what—?”
“No more running, no more cages,” he resolutely replied. She followed closely as he approached the oak doors to his office. “Won’t hafta be afraid of anyone comin’ after you. Not Fisk. Not me. And not some asshole ex. ‘Cos win or lose...I’m ending this. Tonight.”
She fluttered her lashes with concern, following him blindly into the room. 
“Why wait?”
Honey stopped short in her tracks like her feet had been fused to the floor. Peter froze. Swayed dizzily. The tiny hairs on the back of his neck didn’t just prickle, as they had been since the beginning of their conversation. It inverted, the sensation feeling like his skin had peeled off and been turned inside out.
John Walker coolly watched them come to a sudden stop. He lounged back casually in the executive desk chair with a devil-may-care expression and his leather oxfords up on the tabletop. Stunned, they stared at the lithe man with growing alarm. The icy blue of his eyes twinkled with delight at their fear, fixing them with a Cheshire smile. 
“Why don’t we do this right now?” he shrugged nonchalantly.
Each bruised muscle in Peter’s body went rigid. In a matter of moments, he was hit with a surge of emotion that he barely managed to contain beneath his skin. Pupils dilated, fingers shaking, heart pounding—fury washed over him, and all Walker had to do was smile. 
Over the sound of blood rushing, Peter registered the fluttering palpation of her heart.
His Heart. 
His Honey.
She was terrified. 
It reminded him of the moment she walked in on the meeting between him and “Steve,” only this time it was worse. 
An arctic chill surrounded her from the ice running through her veins. She paused mid-breath, rendered motionless, eyes wide with horror. For a moment Peter worried if she would ever start breathing again.
His palms began to tingle. He kept his attention straight ahead, while he fought between the urge to comfort her and the visceral need to tear John’s face from his skull. 
Before he could do either, another warning sensation—sharp and jagged, like his name being carved into a chalkboard with a steak knife—sliced through his brain.
After having been suppressed, ignored, and nearly incapacitated by the Symbiote, his senses were in overdrive. Every cell in his body alerted him to impending danger, which came in the form of footsteps.
He turned quickly, dragging Honey behind his back, as he laid eyes on the new threat. Three of his guards, Malick, Ward, and Rollins—fucking Rollins—stepped into the room. Ward and Malick were vigilant with their weapons drawn, but Rollins sauntered at a leisurely pace. He glanced over at his boss, unworried, and a malicious grin widened his lips. 
Peter’s shoulders slumped as he realized that their bullets were meant for him. He frowned sourly, betrayed. “Jack,” Peter coldly muttered, hiding his disappointment beneath the threat in his tone. “Wha’cha up to?”
Rollins simply shrugged. “Sorry, Boss,” he smirked. “‘S’just business.” 
Peter’s eyes darkened as he observed Gideon Malick aim his pistol at Honey, while Grant Ward slammed the office door closed, locking them in. With Rollins drawing his sidearm, three guns were now trained on him and the shaking woman behind him. 
Peter couldn’t see her face but didn’t need to. He could feel her fear radiating through his fingertips. Her body became both lighter and heavier as if her bones had turned to water. He sensed her increasing dissociation, barely tethered to the Earth and dangling at the end of his reach. Only terror cemented her feet in place. She was sluggish as he pushed her closer into his back as if he could somehow hide her there.
“I have to say, Pete,” John called to him matter-of-factly. Peter split his attention between his backstabbing guards and the monster seated behind his desk. “At first, I was impressed with your organization. But it seems like you have a few serious issues with staff retention to sort out.” John spoke with a self-satisfied smirk, kicking his feet off of the desk and coming to a relaxed stance. “You should think about setting up a meeting with H.R.”
“Believe me,” Peter glowered at John, briefly glancing at Rollins with clenched teeth. “It’s a priority.”
John took an unrushed stroll to the front of the desk before leaning back on the corner’s edge. He moved through the office as if it was his home. It was unnerving for Peter to consider how many times he might have been there without his knowledge, with his treacherous guards granting him access to anything he wanted.
“‘Course, I always thought you shoulda gone into human trafficking,” John said, with a mockingly sincere tone. A crease split Peter’s brow, his face twisting with revulsion. “You would’ve made a very lucrative pimp.” 
Peter glared at him, disgusted, as he chuckled softly at his own joke. The laugh faded, as did the humor in John’s ice-blue eyes. They narrowed with contempt, looking beyond Peter to the trembling girl behind him. 
“Lord knows you got the world’s biggest whore right behind you,” he sneered maliciously. “With a mouth like hers, you’ll get anything you want. If you throw in an extra five-thousand dollars, of course.”
Peter felt her bristle at the jab, and he reached back further to steady her. 
“Don’t look at her,” he ordered coldly, never breaking eye contact. “You don’t get to look at her. Ever.”
The blonde snickered, licking his lips scandalously. “Oh, I’ve done a whole lot more than just look.” 
Peter’s jaw tensed at that. 
John’s humorless gaze turned into a cold glare. “I don’t know if you’ve heard,” he added vindictively, “but that’s my wife you have behind you.”
Despite his own outrage, Peter kept a straight face. He listened intently, studying how Walker’s nostrils flared and how his pulse sped up at the sight of the couple embracing. 
Good, he thought. He needed every second of time he could get. 
Peter took a step backward with her, slowly approaching the wall. 
His eyes lightened, and a callous smirk formed on his lips. “You mean that’s ‘your wife’ I’ve had beneath me,” Peter sneered lewdly. 
The remark splintered beneath John’s skin. Peter watched with satisfaction at how the blonde’s brow twitched. He could smell the agitation leaking out through his pores. 
“Yeeaah,” Peter chuckled mockingly, fueling John’s anger. “She told me all about you. Short story. If ya catch my drift.”
Peter took another step backward, bumping her along, teeth flashing with amusement. “In fact,” he parried, matching John’s sardonic tone, “maybe you should talk to a doctor about your little problem. You know, instead of torturing women.” 
John glowered with his lower lip curled. “Well. Since we’re sharing.” He tilted his head with a predatory grin, while his eyes shot daggers at them. “I wouldn’t trust everything she says. The girl’s a freak. She tell ya about all of her filthy rape fantasies, too?”
Her breath hitched. A tiny shiver racked through her body. It was barely noticeable to the other men, but to Peter, it felt like a tectonic movement. He could hear the way her stomach shifted, her nausea roaring in like a rising tide. 
“She likes it rough,” John snarked. “It’s practically the only thing that gets her off. Pretty fucked up, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t ask you.” Inwardly, Peter seethed, resentment darkening his gaze.
“‘Course not. Why take my word for it?” John laughed, having momentarily taken the upper hand. He glanced around at the other traitors mirthlessly before turning back to Peter. “Why don’t we just find out for ourselves?”
Peter’s anger spiked at the insinuation, rage stuttering his heartbeat. He watched as John glanced at Rollins and the other men with a menacing grin. Cruel laughter trickled from the traitors that made his blood boil further.
He took a measured breath. “I know you boys don’t know me that well,” Peter remarked calmly. “But lemme be very clear.” He slid his eyes over and leveled a threatening glare at the men behind Rollins. “Anyone touches her, and I’ll send ya back home to your families in garbage bags.” 
Peter’s men dropped their smiles suddenly. He heard a stutter in the heartbeats coming from that direction as they attempted to suppress their reaction. “Don’t take my word for it,” he said directly to Rollins with a murderous gaze. “You know what I’m capable of, Jackie.”
“Is that what you did to Gwen?”
Peter’s anger spread through him like epinephrine as John carelessly spat out his deceased wife’s name. His shoulders tensed, and the cords in his neck pulled tautly. 
“You send her back to her daddy in a body bag?” John snickered. “Sure—Call me a shitty husband. But at least my wife never took a swan dive off of the Brooklyn Bridge.” 
The fresh swell of rage in Peter’s belly twisted him into knots. A gentle press from a tiny palm on the middle of his back was the only thing that anchored him. 
“Oof. Hit a nerve, did I?” John grinned with satisfaction at how the color drained from Peter’s eyes and complexion. “What else did you two lovebirds talk about?” he said. “She tell ya about our little talks late at night?” He grinned salaciously. “Lotsa juicy stuff.”
Peter swallowed hard, unflinching. 
“She told me everything,” Walker continued. “Her plan to seduce you. To pretend she cared about you. How much she despised you.” John tilted his head, musing. “How’d you put it, Peach? You could ‘never love a monster like him’?” 
He heard a soft gasp from behind him. As strong as their resolve was, the remark punctured its armor. Honey clenched the fabric of his jacket, her touch pleading for forgiveness. Steadfast, Peter took another careful step backward, keeping her close.
“‘Course, that’s no big surprise,” John continued ruthlessly. He could see through Peter’s indifference, knowing each word cut into him like a jigsaw. “‘Everyone that ever loved you is dead.’ Ain’t that right?”
Honey gripped Peter’s shoulder tighter, a swell of nausea creeping up her esophagus. Her vocal cords were paralyzed, with nothing but a whimper escaping her lips. “No...” she muttered breathlessly, stunned and enraged by the twisting of her words.
“Poor, pitiful Peter Parker,” John said in a sing-song voice. “Sad, psychotic little orphan boy. No mommy. No daddy. His aunt and uncle both turned into swiss cheese.” He punctuated each word with viciousness, spitting them out like curdled milk. “Clinging desperately onto the memory of his dead whore.”
Nostrils flaring, Peter glowered at John, dipping his chin. Another step backward nearly had the woman behind him up against the wall, backing her carefully up to a marble-top bar. “Gloat all you want, asshole,” Peter mumbled with disdain. “She still dumped you.”
John’s eyes flashed red with a serpentine hiss sliding off his forked tongue. “And yet, I’m the one that finger-fucked your girl while you were on your little date! Greedy slut was wetter than a swamp when I touched her—”
“Liar!” she screamed, voice cracking like shattered glass. 
She lunged forward but Peter blocked her. He practically shoved her back, her spine hitting the edge of the bar. A chorus of chuckles erupted, with Rollins, Ward, and Malick joining in on John’s amusement. She stumbled backward, using her hands to steady herself until she came in contact with a metal object on the bar top.
A camera.
Peter’s old camera. On top of the box disguised as a book.
Both items were out of place. 
Presented out in the open, where they shouldn’t have been.
Honey’s eyes darted back up to the front. 
“S’okay, Honey,” Peter muttered, his glare still trained on Walker. He held his arms behind his back as if to hide her from view. It formed a ‘cage,’ concealing her movements as she stealthily shifted the camera, keeping her eyes forward. “The longer this clown talks, the more desperate he sounds.” 
John’s eyes flashed with malice. “Oh, you wanna hear what desperate sounds like? How ‘bout I push your little bitch off the roof, huh? Have your men make you watch me turn another woman you love into Humpty Dumpty. She’ll be runny eggs on the sidewalk in a matter of seconds—”
“Why are you all still smiling?” Peter sharply cut him off. He shifted his glare from John to his snickering accomplices. “Is it ‘cos you're scared? Or are ya just that stupid?” The laughing ceased immediately as Peter fixed John with a cold gaze. “Either way, you’re about to be a dead man.”
With her hands behind her back, she blindly fumbled to lift the lid of the box. Her fingers scavenged across the bottom, expecting to find a weapon of some kind, or a knife, or perhaps even—
“Lookin’ for this?” John said. The bang of a gunshot deafened her. 
A splatter of wet, hot liquid covered her cheek and she flinched at the sound of an agonized cry. She screamed. At the gunshot. At the blood. And at the sight of Peter dropping forward to his knees in excruciating pain. 
“No! No! No!” 
She could hear her own shrieking in the distance as she grasped at him. Groaning, he writhed in agony. His hand, once again bloody, clutched a bullet hole piercing his upper right shoulder. She threw her already-stained palms over his, adding his blood to the fresco decorating her flesh.
Tears spilled down her cheeks. Lip wobbling, she glanced up with wide eyes as John pointed Peter’s pistol at them menacingly. 
“Did ya really think I wasn’t gonna search this place for weapons?” he scoffed in offense, glaring at them through slitted eyes.
Nostrils flaring and teeth clenched tight, Peter breathed through the pain. He scowled up at John feeling like a flaming sword had severed his arm at the shoulder. His heart hammered as he watched John raise the pistol again, this time aiming between his brows. 
“Please, don’t!” Honey sobbed. “John, please! I’m begging you!” She wrapped her arms around Peter as if she could shield him. 
The smile faded from John’s lips. Contempt radiated from his blue eyes, turning them into blackened sapphires. “C’mon, Peach. We both know you can beg better than that.”
Peter shoved her away from him, jumping to his feet. He charged and knocked John’s aim off target. Another shot rang out and pierced the wall next to her. 
Shrieking, she dropped to the floor and cowered down. 
With one bloody hand on John’s wrist, Peter smashed him in the abs with his injured arm. He put his back muscles into the punch, snarling as the bruised flesh burned like his body was on fire.
His rage partially numbed the pain as Peter advanced forward. He shoved John back into the desk. The injuries made each move sluggish, but Peter managed to land another hit, this time to John’s face. With his other hand clenching the gun, he slammed it into the tabletop, loosening John’s grip. With another vicious whack, the weapon fell from his hand and clattered out of reach. 
Amped with adrenaline, Peter reared his uninjured arm back. Balling his fist into a cannonball, he drove it down hard enough to break through concrete. 
Right into John’s palm.
He blinked, stunned. Looked up at John. His face twisted with confusion, as the supposedly weaker man grinned smugly up at Peter. 
“Oh, yeah,” John smiled with red teeth, slowly crushing Peter’s hand like an empty aluminum can. “And then there’s that.”
With a flick of John’s wrist, he inverted Peter’s arm and tossed his body like a garbage bag. Peter collided with the wall and toppled to the ground, sending plaster and drywall raining down. 
John straightened up, taking labored breaths as he adjusted his light blue collar, now dotted with tiny spots of crimson. He fixed Peter with a wry smile. “I know about your little science experiments, too,” he smirked. “Your buddy Eddie stole the outdated model. Say ‘hello’ to Anti-Venom.”
John rolled his shoulders, tipping his head to crack his neck. As his joints popped, he rolled his eyes back into his skull—literally. Honey gaped with horror as she watched her ex-husband grin at them with a demonic stare, pure white engulfing his eyeballs. The milky, opaque clouds in his eyes seemed to part in the middle, like a crocodile opening an inner set of eyelids, revealing the dilated pupils of his sadistic stare.
Peter struggled to get on his hands and knees as John stalked towards him, feet heavy with malice. Honey screamed with almost no breath, “Peter, look out—”
In a flash, John was on him, jabbing his elbow into his back. Peter gasped at the stab to his spine, feeling another rib snap. The force slammed him chest-first back to the floor. With dazed eyes, he glanced blearily at the secret box, now tossed to the ground a few feet away. Photos of May and Ben were scattered about, among the shards of broken glass, chunks of wood, and twisted metal.
Weakened from the fall, the gunfight, and now the beating, Peter strained to reach for the box but was stopped short. Walker’s steel fingers clamped on his shoulder, yanking him to his feet. He jabbed a boulder-like fist into Peter’s sternum, violently ejecting the air from his lungs. 
Honey sprang to her feet, grabbing a chunk of wood and charging toward them. Rollins and Ward were there instantly, scooping her up and restraining her. 
She writhed desperately, screeching as they twisted her arms back. The sound of her attack vexed Peter, as he straightened his back, landing an upward thrust of his fist into John’s chin. 
“Get off of her!” he hissed at Rollins and Ward, but John intercepted him. 
Like thrashing wild animals, they pummeled each other until sweat and blood coated the floor. Yet, with every hit, John seemed unfazed. Whatever was running through his body was just as formidable as the Symbiote that had once possessed Peter. Both men tossed each other about, but Peter was at a disadvantage.
“Stop!” Honey cried out painfully in a shrill voice, which wrenched Peter’s heart. “John, don’t do this! Stop it!” 
Peter swayed with cloudy eyes as he felt John hook his fist into his jaw. It felt like being hit in the face with a brick. Right after, John landed another jab with the opposite hand. And then a third. And a fourth.
“No, John! Please stop! Just stop! Please!”
His vision blurring, Peter jabbed left, only to have his wrist caught in John’s grip. With a twirl, John wrenched Peter’s arm out of its socket. He doubled over and howled in agony, his dislocated arm hanging limply at his side.
“John, stop it, stop it, please, stop!” 
“When I’m done with you,” John whispered in Peter’s ear, “Fisk will have to scoop up what’s left of you with a shovel.”
Fighting to stay conscious, Peter met the man’s vindictive glare. John’s piercing blue eyes locked onto his. “Yeah. Wilson Fisk. I said his name. Wilson. Fisk. Meanwhile, you’re running around, afraid to say it like he’s Bloody Fucking Mary.”  
Peter was on the floor again, launched into a glass console table. Unable to break his fall, the glass and metal crunched under the momentum of his body, shattering in all directions. He rolled, coughing up blood, his face covered in bruises and cuts. His vision swam, gaze darting across the room until he spotted the secret box. 
With one arm limp, he dragged himself forward with the shoulder that had been shot, inching closer to the overturned box. He flicked the container away, his eyes landing on a delicate watch-like device. He reached for it.
John’s foot came down hard, stomping on his web shooter and crushing it beneath his foot. Peter choked back a frustrated scream, having another weapon fall short of his grasp.
“John, please! I’ll do anything you want! Just please don’t do this!”
John lifted his foot and slowly brought the sole down onto Peter’s wrist. He cried out, grimacing at the crushing pressure of the grown man standing on his forearm. 
“You know what else I call ‘em?” John said, ogling Peter as if to gloat. It was a victorious stance. He was like a giant about to crush an insect. A bloody half-smile hung on his chiseled face as he waited for Peter to make eye contact. When he finally did, John provided an answer. 
“Sir.” 
A crease formed between Peter’s brows as he gazed up at John, panting with shallow breaths. His face paled with realization.
“Yeah,” the blonde crooned with an evil smile. “That’s right.” A horrifying picture emerged from Walker’s self-satisfied expression. "Arrogant little prick. Did you think that you could beat the Kingpin?”
John crouched down low, leering over Peter like a vulture about to peck on its prey while it was still living. 
“Did you think changing your name and hiding underground would stop him from wiping you off the face of the Earth if he really wanted to?” Walker sneered in disgust. “You’re only still alive because he allows it!”
Honey sobbed with tears streaming down her face as John revealed his hand to them. Beside her, Rollins chuckled darkly, relishing in his boss’ despair. 
“You have the audacity to run your mouth all over town,” John hissed, pouring putrid waste into Peter’s ear, “like you’re gonna walk him right up to the Pearly Gates! Like you’re judge, jury, and executioner! The monster at the end of his book!”
Peter pressed his lips into a thin line, rage boiling beneath his battered flesh. John reached down, gripping him by his thick tuft of hair and wrenching it back. The action forced Peter to gaze up at him; his neck bent backward and vulnerable. The way Walker glared at him, he half-expected the man to grow fangs and bury them in his throat.
“Well, I got news for ya, Peter Parker,” John spat out each word mockingly as he narrowed his eyes. “Mr. Fisk doesn’t give a shit what you call yourself.” He fixed Peter with a beaming grin made up of pure, sadistic evil. “He doesn’t even know who you are.” 
He let the words hang in the air as if they were going to carve themselves into Peter’s headstone. For his part, despite his physical agony, Peter held himself steady. Kept his eyes fixed on John’s. Kept his jaw set firm. Anger pooled beneath his chest, cleansing him as it spread through his body.
“Guess you’ll have to explain it to ‘em next time you see ‘em,” Peter muttered, his lip curled into a snarl. “Might be curious to know who it was that killed him.”
The smile dropped from John’s eyes as a fresh wave of fury overtook him. He glared down at Peter, who fixed him with an insolent smirk. 
“And for the record,” the beaten man glowered in defiance, his gaze glittering with spite, “I’m not walkin’ him to the Pearly Gates—I’m takin’ him straight to hell. So you be sure to save him a seat... you pathetic... wife-beating sack of shit!”
John growled and pulled his arm back. Drawing on the power of the entity inside him, he envisioned putting his fist through Peter’s skull and not stopping until he hit the concrete beneath their feet.
“I won’t fight you.” 
The men froze at the tiny whimper, the voice carrying it shattered and frail. 
John glanced over to see his ex-wife hanging limply in the hold of the two guards. Her eyes were empty, her face colorless and ashen. The woman swayed like a bedsheet in the wind.
“You can do whatever you want with me,” she spoke meekly, her spirit detached from her body. “I won’t fight back. I won’t run away.”
Hopelessness marked her features as nausea threatened to choke her. She wished that it would. Drowning in her own bile was a better fate than witnessing the grin form on John’s face.
“Please,” she mewled desperately, eyes red and glossy. “You’ve already won. He doesn’t matter anymore. Let Fisk finish him off.” Her voice trembled, quivering in her throat. “You can have me. However you want me.”
The silence that followed was deafening. John leered, foaming at the corners of his mouth. Lecherous eyes appraised her from head to toe. His chest heaved with short pants, like a rabid animal in heat. 
“Atta girl,” he murmured with satisfaction before tossing Peter aside like a rag doll. 
Peter coughed raggedly, choking on his red-tinged saliva, and rolled to one side. Gripping his wrist and using his foot for leverage, he wrenched his shoulder back in place with a sickening pop. An agonized whimper squeaked out, despite his best efforts. 
John crossed the room in a few strides and gripped the woman by the throat. “No,” Peter gasped through bloody lips, exhausted and breathless from fear. “No...nono...please—”
“Where the fuck are you goin’, Boss?” Malick barked as Peter struggled to stand. The guard stalked forward, gun trained on him. 
Ward joined him, grabbing Peter by his wounded shoulder and kicking his shin out from under him. Their boss was on his knees again, held steady at gunpoint, with Ward pushing the barrel of his weapon into Peter’s temple.
When Peter looked up, John was dragging Honey by the back of her neck, scruffed at the nape like an animal. She stumbled as he forced her behind Peter’s desk, kicking the chair away. He shoved her forward. The veneer stung her cheek when she collided with it, and she let out a whimper.
“Let her go!” Peter writhed desperately. Ward whacked him over the back of the head, driving him forward. He put his foot on Peter’s spine while Malick twisted his wounded arm behind his back. With his chin scraping the floor, he peered up through the fringe of his lashes. “Don’t fuckin’ touch her! You hear me?”
“Get ‘em up,” John ordered coldly. “He’s gonna wanna see this.”
With a hand on his hair and his arms locked in place, Peter’s men yanked him to his feet. He pulled himself forward, only to have Ward dig his fingers into the bullet hole, tearing at his flesh. They pulled him back down on his knees, driving a foot into his calf. Helplessly, Peter writhed, thrashing against their hold a few mere yards away from the terrified girl. 
John sauntered up behind Honey, a smug grin plastered on his face. The woman lay motionless like a possum, bent over the edge of the desk. She stared at the mess of objects on Peter’s desk, shards of the battle. They shifted in and out of focus as her glossy eyes welled with tears. She let her mind take flight, drifting off to a cabin in the mountains. 
“No!” Peter felt his voice crack and a scream lodge in his throat. “I’ll fuckin’ kill you, Walker! Ya, hear me? Look at me, you sonuvabitch! I’ll rip ya apart, sweartogod—” 
John glanced at Rollins who kept careful watch over his boss. “If he makes a move, put a bullet in his back. That way he can still watch me snap her neck like a toothpick.”
Panic surged through Peter at the order, his amber eyes bright with terror. “I’m the one you want, yeah?” he pleaded, chest heaving. “Fight me like a man, you fuckin’ coward!”
John ignored him. He pressed his hips up against the seat of Honey’s joggers. He gripped the collar of her zip-up hoodie, tearing it down her shoulders.
She was elsewhere. Watching Peter’s fingers dance across the ivory keys of a piano. She liked being wherever she was. It was always easier for her to go there. Always easier for her to run away.
John ran his greedy hands down her spine and back up again beneath the filthy camisole she wore. His touch felt like a centipede crawling across her skin. A shudder racked through her as vomit climbed up her throat.
“Somebody’s excited,” John chuckled sadistically. 
She breathed out a silent sob. She climbed the limbs of the maple tree in her backyard. Picturing the home she would make there one day.
John leaned down, pressing a rough kiss to the back of her shoulder. “Just like old times. Ain't that right, Peach?”
It was like being shocked by electricity. Letting her fingertips brush against the metal of a wall plug while still in the outlet. Every muscle in her body tensed. Her eyes darkened. Pupils blown wide.
“I don’t like that.”
John paused as his hands reached the waistband of her sweats. He glanced up at her, still amused, eyeing the back of her head. “What’d you say?”
She blinked. Her vision sharpened. “That’s not my name.”
His brow furrowed, his agitation spiking. “You’re gonna have to speak up.”
“I said ‘that’s not my name.’” Her volume grew louder, every syllable coming out sharper and more jagged. Her teeth ground together as she fixed her gaze forward, focusing on the grain of the wood. 
“My name isn’t Peach,” she hissed. Molten-hot fury filled her while her tone hardened like rapidly cooling lava. “I’m not your Peach. I’m not your Kitten.” 
Each word punctuated with a twitch in her eye and a tremor in her voice. 
“I’m not your Doll Face. Or your Whore. Or your Pawn.” 
Acid rolled off her tongue as she trembled with anger. Her rage was so thick she nearly choked on it, barely able to form words. Slowly, she pushed herself up off the desk, her spine turning to steel even as he towered over her.
“And I’m not your fucking wife,” she gritted her teeth, eyes black with hatred. “Not anymore.” 
She turned her head to glance back at John, leveling him with a vengeful look. 
“My name is Maricella Jimenez,” she hissed, sounding out each syllable carefully. “And you will remember it.” 
The hand positioned on the desk sprang forward at his face so fast that John could barely see it. His head whipped back and all he could register was white-hot, piercing pain shooting through his skull. 
John roared, reaching up with one hand to cover his face while the other hand dragged her off the desk to the ground. The guards jumped with shock, mouths agape, trying to discern what just occurred.
“Aggghhh!” John cried out with an agonized scream. Enraged, he clawed at his face, growling like a mildly-wounded grizzly bear. His thirst for blood compounded.
“Fucking bitch!” he roared, the creature inside of him twisting his vocal cords. When he straightened, half his face was covered in blood. His fingers shook as he struggled to see the damage she had done. 
His men gazed at him with dumbfounded stares. Which he could only half see. 
With a four-inch shard of broken glass from the console table lodged in his left eye socket, he’d never see anything out of that eye again. 
“You fucking bitch!” he sneered, practically drooling with outrage. “I’ll fuckin’ kill you, you fuckin’ bitch!” 
The sight of John’s face was nausea-inducing. Not only had the glass pierced his eye, but it sliced clean through, with half of his eyeball dangling from the nerve ending on his cheek. 
“Holy shit!” Ward gasped at the ghastly sight.
Rollins hissed at other men, their jaws still gaping wide. “Don’t just stand there! Do something, goddamnit!”
“You screwed up now, you slut!” John raged with ragged breath. “You know what you did? You assaulted a Federal Agent!” He wheeled around to spot her cowering on the floor behind the desk. He stomped toward her, murder in each footfall. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Do you have any idea who I am???”
John grabbed her by the forearm, wrenching her up. She faced him with fire in her eyes. In her free hand, her finger curled around the trigger of Peter’s gun.
“Who gives a fuck?” she sneered.
Looking John in the eyes, she pulled the trigger, watching as his forehead imploded. The bullet ripped through his brain, tearing it apart and exploding out the back of his skull. From there, his brain matter splattered like a microwaved tomato, spraying across the room.
“Oh shit!” The guards cried out in horror, swallowing back sickness as fragments of John’s skull rained down on them.
Rollins lunged forward, his weapon still drawn. He took three steps to the edge of the desk. 
“No!” Peter howled.
Another shot rang out. Honey held the gun firmly in her grip, shooting at the first human form that approached her. Rollins grunted, eyes wide with panic, as the bullet tore through his throat. He clutched his neck as hot liquid spilled out of his severed carotid artery. His look of agony was only matched by his look of astonishment.
Peter knocked Ward’s gun away from his temple, grabbing his wrist and directing the barrel at Malick. With Ward still clutching the gun, Peter pulled the trigger and shot Malick in the side. 
Malick doubled over, releasing his hold on Peter’s wounded shoulder. Ward strained to regain control of his weapon. They struggled briefly before Peter reached behind Ward’s suit jacket and yanked a combat knife out of its sheath. He buried the blade into Ward’s ribs, before ripping it out and plunging it in again and again. With a few quick jabs, the traitor’s torso was carved up into wet spaghetti.
Malick stumbled, struggling to recover from the bullet wound. Peter’s brain buzzed as Malick attempted to shoot him. He pivoted out of the way, using Ward’s body to block the shot. 
Honey fired the gun in her hand again, the bullet hitting the ceiling, but it was enough to distract Malick away from his target.
In a few blinks, Peter was on his feet and gripping Malick by the arm. Before the treacherous guard could fire his weapon, Peter skewered him with the hunting knife, driving it into the soft flesh behind the man’s chin.
Malick’s eyes went wide as the blade impaled his mouth, piercing his tongue. Peter snatched the back of the man’s head with a steel grip, even as his hands trembled with rage. He glared into Gideon’s eyes with bloodlust, pushing the knife up further—slowly—watching Malick squirm until the blade was buried to the hilt.
The man went limp in his hold. Once Peter watched the light fade from his eyes, he released him, finally sated. 
The sirens in his head quit blaring as soon as the threat was eliminated. The intense pressure dissipated as if a boulder had been lifted off Peter’s skull. 
He let out a long, ragged breath, his body broken and yet still pulsating with adrenaline. His eyes darted to the desk. He spotted the traumatized woman that held his heart standing behind it. His face softened. Took a step towards her.
She pivoted, still clutching the gun. Aimed it at him.
Peter went still. Fawn-hued eyes went wide. He glanced down the barrel, then back up at her.
She was astral. Her soul was only tethered to her body by a thin wire. She was a kite, tossed about the atmosphere, observing the scene outside the plane of time. 
She stared at him. Barely able to breathe. Her hand shook from the weight of the gun. 
“Whoa...” he whispered, his voice soft. He lifted his hands outward in a placating gesture. 
Her eyes were glazed over. Staring right through him.
He watched, heart pounding, as she turned her gaze downwards to the river of blood that leaked from Rollins’ corpse. Heart going cold, all that was left of his life leaked out of him like a broken faucet. No more damaging than a spilled glass of wine.
Lips sealed tight, her eyes darted over to the body closest to her.
John’s body.
Her monster lay slain at her feet. His jaw hung open in a disturbing grimace, a permanent final expression. The top of his head was now a concave shell. The image of him imprinted on her, burrowing in her memories.
She had never seen so much blood in her life. It was everywhere. Beneath her fingernails. In the tiny valleys of her skin. Dripping from her hair. It stained everything.
“Honey...” She looked only vaguely aware of Peter as he cooed gently at her, growing more apprehensive the longer her silence stretched on. “...Honey...?” he repeated slowly, his tongue going dry. 
This time, she brought her attention back to the front, her eyes finally finding his. Peter looked sick with worry, terrified of the irony that this was the exact same position they were in less than 48 hours before. 
Honey held her arm outstretched, fingers tremoring around the handle of the pistol, as she fixed Peter with an unreadable expression. He felt his heart thumping up into his throat. His growing alarm threatened to strangle him. 
Her legs were rigid even as she trembled like a tightrope walker stranded between skyscrapers. She gazed at him with a look of dread, shock seizing her body.
Peter mumbled her name desperately, chanting it like a prayer. “Honey, Honey, Honey, look at me. Look at me. Okay? Look—”
He took a step forward and she responded with a step backward, positioning him at the end of the barrel. He blinked, going still once again. His eyes misted over as he gazed at her with empathy.
“S’okay,” he softly said, closer to a plea. “Everything’s gonna be okay. You’re safe—”
“Stop telling me that.” She was firm, her eyes cold. 
Peter felt silent, eyes darting back and forth between her and the gun. Her breaths were short, nostrils flaring. His shoulders curved into a slump. Carefully, he lowered his hands. “I meant what I said before,” he delicately replied. “No more cages.” Her eyebrows furrowed sharply. “I made you a promise. You’re free.”
She blinked wide eyes, motionless in every other way. Warily, he glanced down at the gun. “You don’t hafta do anything—”
“Shut up!” she hissed, voice shaking. He shut his mouth immediately. Her gaze wandered, her mind spiraling out of control. She flicked her sights on the four corpses stretched out around them. Her tongue tasted like metal. The gunshot was still ringing in her ears.
“Get on your knees,” she commanded. Unlike the last time she said it, there was no sense of control in her tone. No sense of pleasure to be gained. Instead, she sounded desperate. 
Peter closed his eyes, heart sinking in his chest. “Okay.” Reluctantly, he slowly sank down until both knees were on the ground.
Her eyes flashed wildly as she glared, holding the pistol tighter in her hand. 
“S’okay,” Peter whispered out a lament. “S’okay, Honey. You’re gonna be okay.” With every repeated phrase, he relinquished more of his hope. Her eyes may have been unreadable, but her position was not. 
They were on opposite sides of the room. A continent apart. He was exiled to the unfortunate end of the barrel, along with the other men who used her as a means to an end. This was where he belonged.
A lump formed in his throat as he gazed up at her with wet eyes. “Everything is going to be okay now,” he said with a bittersweet curve of his mouth. “You have all the power, remember? Always did.” His eyes landed on the gun, then back up to hers. “No one’s gonna hurt you again.”
He watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. Fear weighed heavily on her, dragging her down into its depth. Her eyes shined like glass. The glisten in his gaze was a mirror reflection of her sorrow and regret.
“Whatever you gotta do,” Peter assured her. But it was more than reassurance. It was a gentle promise made to a frightened girl that the monsters were all gone now. “I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
He hesitated to speak the true meaning of his implication. Instead, his eyes shined brightly on her like rays of moonlight, as if he could illuminate her path through the dark. A sincere apology sparkled at the bottom of their bourbon glow, but also, he offered forgiveness. He fixed her with a look of compassion before closing his eyes. 
He let go.
Let go of his rage. Of his vendetta. Of his grief. Of his fantasies.
He let go of the idea of Honey.
From the depths of his bitter heart, he gave her his unconditional love.
“What I want...” 
He stirred at the closeness of her voice, his eyes snapping open to find her standing inches over him. The gun rested at her side until she let it fall from her grasp. She stared into his eyes, her tears cresting over the ridges of her heart-aching smile.
She surged forward in the blink of an eye, crashing her lips into his. Her arms crossed behind his shoulders as she collapsed into his embrace. Her tongue breached his mouth, and with it, he felt like his heart would leap out of his chest. She breathed him in, relishing in the taste of his devotion, responding to it with love letters written on her lips. It was like her whole body was on fire, and only he could control the flame.
His hands wrapped around her lower back as he worshiped each twist of her tongue. Her kiss was better than morphine, numbing his body and heart to every injury he’d ever suffered.
Only when they were both dizzy and out of breath did she break the kiss. She gazed down at him with eyes that could scorch. 
“What I want... is for you to touch me.”
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To be continued...
[back to masterlist]
A/N: I want to say thank you for the incredible support you all have shown me in this last break. Part 21 is already finished and will be released this week. Real compassion exists even on the internet and I just can't even deal...
Part 23 will be the end.
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cat-dragron · 2 months ago
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Going from Ancillary Sword into August Kitko and the Mechs from Space is such like... whiplash to my brain. Ancillary Sword was challenging to read in a way I wasn't expecting but man was it rich as hell, the depth of the worlds and characters in that book are insane. Meanwhile reading AKatMfS is like... the premise is so cool and seems right up my alley but something about the writing is just not gelling with me for whatever reason. I want to get through this book so badly because I am interested but like... part of me is just wondering is this it?? Is this all there is to it?
#cat rambles#spoiler talk in the tags now because I'm just thinking about this too much#like... I think around the same points in either book is when the big bad is revealed or like... shows up more prominently I think#and in AJ it's like FUCK that's Anaander Mianaai and holy SHIT she's such a huge threat but she's really only a threat to the main characte#she doesn't become a bigger civil war threat until a lil later and thats like god damn okay now people are really dying because of that#then in AKatMfS the threat is humanity ending like it wants the humans to go extinct and like SHIT that's pretty intense and it wants#humanity's knowledge and memories and shit which thats cool!! I enjoy that!!#Why the fuck does that not feel like as intense of a threat in my mind as like... the Lord of the Radchs????#it's weird... it's so weird because I WANT to enjoy this book I really do#it reminds me of pacific rim in all the good ways but also it just like doesn't go over the details I'm really interested in#and maybe it's just that I'm not as into Gus and Ardent as main characters as I am Breq but then again how the fuck do you top Breq#i also don't think it helps that the creator of the mechs/what is killing humanity was revealed so fast in AKatMfS#Like I started reading that chapter and.... I felt udnerwhelmed???#the twist was kinda neat like we've known about this AI since the beginning parts of the book#but idk.... it's like.... okay... AI knows it's going to be archived once it's no longer useful bc it was built on the corpse of its#predacessor and THATS INTERESTING!!! I LIKE THAT!!! so why then does it feel like such an old cliche#maybe I just gotta read more but I just feel... underwhelmed I guess for lack of a better term#fucking mitchells vs the machines did this shit and that had so much heart in it#back to the pacific rim comparison#this book is also about climate change and war and how bad humanity is and like???? fuck man.... idk do you have anything else to say#besides humans do bad shit and are unredeemable???#I'm sure it does I'm like so sure it does but god#anyways at least I get to read another Andrew Joseph White book after this :]#sunk cost fallacy has my ass unfortunatley#wow this got to be long
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derinwrites · 8 months ago
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How can I make money writing fiction?
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I'm gonna be straight with you. There is no guarantee that you'll make enough as an independent writer to make it worth your time. You very well might -- I make a liveable wage as an independent writer -- but many don't. Most writers I know also have a job. And luck plays a big part in it.
If you're interested in going forward in spite of this, you have two main options for monetisation open to you, and you are going to have to pick one. I call them the sales model and the sponsorship model, and you are going to have to pick one.
The sales model involves writing stories and selling them to readers. You can put books up on Amazon or Smashwords, sell them direct from your own website, enlist the help of a traditional publisher to handle that for you and let them decide where to sell, whatever -- the point is that your money is made from the sale of books to readers. If you go with a traditional publisher, you're using this model (though they will give you some of the money ahead of time in the form of an advance). Most indie authors also use this model, publishing through draft2digital, Ingram Spark, direct through Amazon, whatever. I've never relied on the sales model and can't give you any advice on how to do this, but Tumblr is full of indie authors who probably can.
The sponsorship model involves soliciting small amounts of money from various readers over time. This is ideal for web serials, and it's what I use. I use Patreon, which is designed specifically for this purpose, but you can use other sites such as ko-fi. This model involves providing regular content for free, with bonuses for those who support you.
"Can't I do both? Sell books and have a Patreon?" You absolutely can! I know several indie authors with a Patreon. I sell my completed books as ebooks and will eventually sell them as paperbacks. But your time and attention is limited, and so is your audience's, and you're going to have to half-arse one of these in order to have enough arse to whole-arse the other. You're going to make a lo of decisions that benefit either the sponsorship model or the sales model, not both. So pick your primary income source early and commit.
I can only advise on writing web serials and using the sponsorship model, so I'll go ahead with that assumption. If you want to make a liveable wage doing this, not only will you need luck, you'll also need patience. This is not a fast way to build a career. at the end of my first year of doing this, I had one single patron, and they were a real-life friend of mine. When I reached an income of $100/month, I threw a little party for myself, I was so happy. It had taken such a long time and was so much work. I reached enough to cover rent/mortgage after I'd been doing this for more than four years. It's a long term sort of career.
Here are some general tips for succeeding in this industry, given by me, someone with no formal training in any of this who only vaguely knows what they're talking about:
Have a consistent update schedule and STICK TO IT
The #1 indicator for stable success in this industry (aside from luck, which we're discounting because you can't do much about that) is having a consistent update schedule. Your readers need to know when the next chapter is coming out, and it should be coming out regularly. Ideally, you should have no breaks or hiatuses -- if you're in a bus crash or something, that might be unavoidable, and your readers will understand if you tell them, but if you're stopping and starting a lot for trivial reasons, they WILL abandon you. You can't get away with that shit if you're not Andrew Hussie, and I'm pretty sure Andrew Hussie doesn't message me for career advice on Tumblr. If you find you need a lot of hiatuses to write fast enough then you're updating too often; change your schedule. A regular schedule is more important than a fast one (ideally it should be both, but if you have to pick between the two, pick regular).
2. Pay attention to your readership, listen to what they want from you
Your income is based on a pretty complicated support structure when you're using the sponsorship model. this model relies on people finding your story, liking your story, and continuing to find it valuable enough to keep paying you month after month. This means that your rewards for your sponsors should be things that they value and will continue to pay for ('knowing I'm supporting an artist whose work I enjoy' counts as a thing that they value, to my great surprise; there's a lot of people giving me money just for the sake of giving me money, so I can pay my mortgage and keep writing for them without needing a second job), but it also means supporting the entire network that attracts readers and keeps them having the best time they can with your story -- being part of a rewarding community. Because this is advice on making money, I'm going to roughly divide your readership into groups based on how they affect your bottom line:
sponsors. People giving you money directly. The importance of keeping this group happy should be obvious.
administration and community helpers -- discord moderators, IT people, guys who set up fan wikis, whoever's handling your mailing list if you have a mailing list. You can do this stuff yourself, or you can hire someone to do it, but if you're incredibly lucky and people enjoy being a part of your reader community, people will sometimes volunteer to do the work for free. If you are lucky enough to get such people, respect them. They are doing you a massive favour, and they're not doing it for you, but to maintain a place that they value, and you have to respect both of those things. My discord has just shy of 1,300 members and is moderated by volunteers. I'd peel my own face off if I had to moderate a community that large. If you've got people stepping up to do work for you, you need to respect them and you need to make sure that they continue to find that rewarding by doing what you can to make sure that the community they're maintaining is rewarding. Sometimes this means taking actions and sometimes this means staying the fuck out of the way. Depending on the circumstances.
fan artists. Once you have people drawing your characters, writing fanfic of your stories, whatever, treat these like fucking gold. Give them a space to do this, and more importantly, give them a space to do this without you in it. Fanworks are a symptom of engagement with your work, which is massively important. They are also a component of a healthy community, an avenue for readers to talk to each other and express themselves creatively to each other. Third, fanworks act as a bridge for new readers. When readers share their art on, say, Tumblr, it can intrigue new people and get them into the story. Your job in all of this is to give them the space to work, encourage them as required or invited (I reblog most TTOU fanart that I'm tagged in on Tumblr, for instance), and other than that, stay the fuck out of their way. These people are vital to the liveblood of your community, the continued engagement of your audience, and the interest of your sponsors. Some of the fan artists will be sponsors themselves; some won't be. Those who aren't sponsors are still massively valuable for their art.
speculators, conversers, theorists, livebloggers, and That Guy Who's Just Really Jazzed For The Next Chapter. Some people don't make art but just like to chat about your story. These people are a bedrock of the community that's supporting your sponsors and increasing your readership, and therefore are critical to your income stream. Give them a place to talk. Be nice to them when they talk to you. Sometimes, they'll ask you questions about the story, which you can choose to answer or not, however you feel is appropriate. They'll also want to chat about non-story-related stuff with each other, so make sure they have a place to do that, too.
that guy who never talks to you or comments on anything but linked your story to ten guys in his office who all read it now. Some of your supporters are completely invisible to you. You can't do anything for these people except continue to release the story and have a forum they can silently lurk on if they want to. But, y'know, they exist.
If you want to focus on income then these are, roughly, the groups of people that you will need to listen to and accommodate for. You can generally just make sure they have space to do their thing, and if they want anything else, they'll tell you (yes, guys, paperbacks will be coming eventually). Many people will fit into multiple groups -- I have some sponsors that are in every single one of these groups except the last. Some will only be in one group. A healthy income rests on a healthy community which rests on accommodating these needs.
3. If you can manage it, try to make your story good.
It's also helpful for your story to be good. Economically, this is far less important than you'd think -- there are some people out there writing utter garbage and making a living doing it. Garbage by what standards? By whatever your standards are. Just think of the absolute laziest, emptiest, hackiest waste-of-bandwidth story you can imagine -- some guy is half-arsing that exact story and making three times what you'll ever make on Patreon doing it. And honestly? Good for him. If he's making that much then his readers are enjoying it, and that's what matters. Still, one critical component of making money as a writer is writing something that people actually want to read. And you can't trick them with web serials, because they don't pay in advance -- if they're bored, they'll just stop. So you have to make it worth their time, money and attention, and the simplest way to do that is to write a good story.
This hardly seems mentioning, since you were presumably planning to do that anyway. It's basic respect for your audience to give them something worth their time. Besides, if we're not interested in improving our craft and striving for our best, what are we even writing for? I'm sure I don't need to tell you to try to write a good story. The reason I list this is in fact the opposite -- don't let "I'm not a good enough writer" paralyse you. The world is full of someday-writers who endlessly fuss over and revise a single story because it's not good enough, it's not perfect, they're not Terry Pratchett yet. Neither was Terry Pratchett when his first books were published. If you're waiting to be good enough, you won't start. I didn't think Curse Words was good enough when I started releasing it -- I still don't. I started putting it out because I knew it was the only way I'd get myself to actually finish something. I don't think it's all that great, but you know what? An awful lot of people read it and really enjoyed it. And if I hadn't released it, I'd have been doing those people a disservice.
Also, it taught me a lot, and based on what I learned, Time to Orbit: Unknown is much better. If I'd never released Curse Words, if I hadn't seen how people read it and reacted to it and seen what worked and what didn't, then Time to Orbit: Unknown wouldn't be very good. And it certainly wouldn't be making me a living wage, because it was the years writing Curse Words that started building the momentum I have today.
And Time to Orbit: Unknown as it is today has some serious problems. Problems that I'm learning from. And the next book will be a lot better.
So that's basically my advice for making money in this industry. Be patient, be lucky, be consistent. Value your community; it's your lifeline, even the parts of it that don't directly pay you. And try to make your story as good as you can, but make that an activity you do, not a barrier to prevent you from starting.
Good luck.
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