#And welcome to the “my two favorite detectives who are utterly in love with each other don't end up together in the canon” club to dbd fans

[d-one-in-the-dirty-trench-coat]

no, I do know what to do with my life, I just think going clueing looks with my best mate in modern london isn't rentable nowadays

[loisfreakinglane]

Top 5 things/people you love about the buffyverse?

oh THIS is a fun retrospective. i haven't yet started buffyverse rewatch 2k24- but it's happening SOON. i've given myself a new edict to scrub away 27 years of btvs/ats opinions, loves, hates, fandom histories, annoyances, EVERYTHING- and go into this rewatch totally fresh, to let opinions form as organically as they can for a universe so near and dear to my heart since i was. god lol 6 years old. i'm personally hoping characters, ships, and plots that i've found hopelessly aggravating before, i find blazing passionate love for now. WOULDN'T THAT BE FUN THO??? i'm sick of negativity, i wanna embrace joy.

before i scrub myself clean, it's nice to remember why i was invested for so many years in the first place. SO. TOP 5 THINGS/PEOPLE I LOVE ABOUT THE BUFFYVERSE!!!!!!!!! not exactly my favorite 5 EVER about the buffyverse, but an assortment of 5. 5 separate top favorite things.

cordelia chase- my love my life my soul my queen c. the thing is. i adore her. i adore her as a bitchy mean girl, using her wealth and her beauty and her status to squash down our heroes. i adore her as a broke struggling actress, using a vampire detective agency as a stepping stone for international stardom. i adore her as a genuine hero, embracing her destiny, choosing to be a demon, and fully throwing herself into fighting the good fight because it fills her soul with purpose, belonging, and fulfillment. she has an utterly flawless character arc, one that parallels buffy's own in so many ways. (and fyi as a sidenote i am ENTIRELY POSITIVE that in ats s4 amnesiac cordy was 100% cordy, jasmine did not take over her body until she had the vision of the beasts eyes, and then it was real cordelia again in you're welcome. there's not question or ambiguity about it for me personally, not anymore.) my love for cordelia is all encompassing. i love her more than anything.

buffy&dawn, angel&connor- probably my favorite plot for both buffy and angel was when they each gained a kid who automatically became the most important part of their life (while my ultimate buffyverse otp is angel/cordy, i am very fond of bangel- and my biggest proponent for a postseries reconciliation revolves around this shared life experience) there is so much i love about both characters getting an auto-grown, magically created, blue eyed brown haired impossible teenager dumped in their lap (with bonus world-altering magical memories making their existence assimilated and accepted). giving them both not just another person to love, but another human being that is entirely reliant upon them specifically for love, protection. one person with the power to uplift or destroy them, through their own actions or the actions of another. buffy and angel both went through phases of being willing to destroy the whole world just to keep them safe- buffy in the gift, angel in forgiving. i just think it's NEAT. i probably spend more time thinking about angel & connor bc i do remain frustrated with a lot of choices made wrt them in s4 (the decision to lean far harder into whiney ungrateful teenager and less into feral hellchild raise by ultrareligious 18th century man in a barren wasteland of demons was in fact frustrating to me!) but hey, i still love connor in all his messy angsty ways. and origin/not fade away put a pin in that conversation in ways i will adore FOREVER.

the concept/importance of families of choice. for as much as i've waxed poetic over two of the series core biological relationships lol, the real center of both shows is always that love between a group of unrelated misfits. i've gone back and forth over the years on my opinion of many of the relationships within the buffyverse, and how successful those families can be- but it is still something i really love. and it's especially at the heart of what has been my 2 favorite seasons- buffy s5, and angel s3- which, only hitting me now, is also when dawn & connor are introduced, which brings the group much closer together. it's unfortunate tho, that in this world of two separate families of choice, with an assortment of characters from a large variety of backgrounds, that we only got one main that's not white. forever the biggest problem with both shows. and also why i won't shut up about how kendra should have been brought back. SHE ONLY DIED A LITTLE!

wolfram&hart as a main baddie. lawyers are evil. we know this. LOL BUT RLY THO. god! a perfect PERFECT villain, perfect way to use the fuckery of the legal world to impose your will upon broke private detectives. lawyers are everywhere, i'm p sure there's more lawyers in california than in any other state. we are very litigious. the mystery behind ~the senior partners~ that is always hanging over our heads, the horror that can be inflicted by these very human lawyers engaging in blood sacrifice, murder, every evil thing under the sun- and the fact our heroes can't exactly run around killing them because a. human and b. there's way fucking more where they came from. of course they were never defeated, of course they are a main villain from beginning to end. i have less fond memories about the state of wr&h in s5, but that's less about them and more about how our heroes try to utilize their resources (badly, it's badly). lilah morgan, one of the best antagonists EVER. holland manners, linwood murrow, gavin park. they come at angel investigations from every angle- sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. but they. never. stop. 10000% perfection.

okay this one is more...... idk. this is a random thing i've been thinking about. and it's set design. lmfao. maybe it's because these shows have been part of my life for so many decades, because i grew up watching and rewatching and rewatching, but there's so much i love about their main sets. the hyperion hotel is one of my favorite locations on tv ever. the magic box! the sunnydale high library! i feel like i too lived in these locations. and i wanna go BACK!!!!!!!

[whimsicaldragonette]

Blog Tour & Arc Review: The Benevolent Society of Ill-Mannered Ladies by Alison Goodman

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Publication Date: May 30, 2023

Welcome to the Benevolent Society of Ill-Mannered Ladies book tour with Berkley Publishing Group. (This blog tour post is also posted on my Wordpress book review blog Whimsical Dragonette.)

Synopsis:

A high society amateur detective at the heart of Regency London uses her wits and invisibility as an ‘old maid’ to protect other women in a new and fiercely feminist historical mystery series from New York Times bestselling author Alison Goodman. Lady Augusta Colebrook, “Gus,” is determinedly unmarried, bored by society life, and tired of being dismissed at the age of forty-two. She and her twin sister, Julia, who is grieving her dead betrothed, need a distraction. One soon presents to rescue their friend’s goddaughter, Caroline, from her violent husband.   The sisters set out to Caroline’s country estate with a plan, but their carriage is accosted by a highwayman. In the scuffle, Gus accidentally shoots and injures the ruffian, only to discover he is Lord Evan Belford, an acquaintance from their past who was charged with murder and exiled to Australia twenty years ago. What follows is a high adventure full of danger, clever improvisation, heart-racing near misses, and a little help from a revived and rather charming Lord Evan. Back in London, Gus can’t stop thinking about her unlikely (not to mention handsome) comrade-in-arms. She is convinced Lord Evan was falsely accused of murder, and she is going to prove it. She persuades Julia to join her in a quest to help Lord Evan, and others in need—society be damned! And so begins the beguiling secret life and adventures of the Colebrook twins.

Author Bio:

Alison Goodman is the New York Times bestselling author of Eon and Eona and The Dark Days Club series. Learn more online at www.alisongoodman.com.au/

Author photo credit: Tania Jovanovic

My Rating: ★★★★★

*My Review, Favorite Quotes, and Non-Exclusive Excerpt below the cut.

My Review:

This was utterly delightful. I love a good regency adventure, especially with a feminist bent and a woman who defies societal norms to solve crimes and right wrongs. What I did not realize I was missing, however, was for said society-norm-defying-women to be a pair of 42-year-old spinster sisters. It was delicious. I was immediately struck, upon starting, with how familiar the storytelling felt and how appropriate it seemed for someone setting out to solve mysteries. It reminds me of the Sherlock Holmes stories with the first-person narration of Dr. Watson. In this case we have the first-person narration of Lady Augusta Colebrook, using a similar dry and slightly amused tone. It also reminds me of the narration of the Enola Holmes novels (which are likely based on those about Sherlock). I like that the mysteries Lady Augusta elects to solve and the crimes she seeks to address all involve women being wronged, from the initial retrieval of a packet of incriminating letters to the final adventure of rescuing the inhabitants of a brutal madhouse. Each is a step farther along the path and take her a step away from the 'neither seen nor heard' proper lady her brother wishes to force her to be. Her relationship with her sister was wonderful (despite the less-than-likely entire conversations held entirely in gestures -- alongside the multi-sentence exchanges those gestures are purported to represent). Lady Julia is suffering from breast cancer (a disease which killed their mother and aunt) and is much more concerned with propriety than her sister, but she gamely shows up for Gus again and again, lending her skills to their rescue attempts and occasionally threatening the villains at gunpoint. The love and trust between the sisters really shines. The disgraced Lord Evan - escaped convict, horse thief, and charming rogue - makes a wonderful partner in crime for Gus and it quickly becomes clear that he is her perfect match. I loved seeing them work together from the beginning and how their schemes grew more complicated each time but often relied on standing together and winging it moment to moment. The villains in this are truly villainous and the misogyny and brutality against women of all ages and statuses are hard to stomach. From brothel to madhouse, the many, many ways that men have invented to be cruel to women are on display. It is hard to read in places and each encounter stokes Gus' (and the reader's) righteous fury. Things worked out just a little too easily in some of the later more complicated schemes, but never enough that it took me out of the story. I'm glad that Julia gets a love interest by the end and doesn't have to sink back into mourning for her deceased fiance forever, and greatly enjoyed how that happened and how Julia seems much more in control of the situation. I can't wait for more of Gus and Julia and Lord Evan and Kent. It's clear by the end of this that their story is only beginning which makes me very happy what with how much I enjoyed this one. *Thanks to NetGalley and Berkley for providing an early copy for review.

Favorite Quotes:

“Is he truly senseless? Can we be sure?” It occurred to me that I had been checking people’s vitals far too often in the past few hours.

---

“So, finis,” I said as the front door closed. “Not at all,” Julia said. “He will be back.” “What makes you think that?” She smiled. “Because he did not need to come this time.”

Non-Exclusive Excerpt:

"We should have worn half boots," I said. "I can feel every pebble through my slippers." "One cannot wear half boots with full dress," Julia said firmly. "Even in circumstances of duress." I stifled a smile. My sister's sense of style and occasion was always impeccable, and rather too easy to poke. Julia glanced sideways at me. "Oh, very funny. Next you'll be suggesting we wear unmentionables." "If only we could," I said. "Breeches would be far more convenient than silk gowns." "How would you know?" Julia demanded. "Heavens, Gus, you haven't actually donned Father's clothing, have you?" She knew I had kept some of our father's clothes after his death; he and I had been much the same height and wiry build. By all rights, the clothes belonged to our brother on his succession to the title-as all our father's property did-but I had taken them, anyway. A connection to him and a memento mori of sorts. "Of course not. I am only surmising." Julia settled back against my arm. "To even try them would be ghoulish." She nudged me gently and angled her sweet smile up at me. "Even so, you would look rather dashing in, say, a hussars uniform. You have the commanding height for it, and the gold trim would match your hair." I snorted. Julia was, as ever, being too loyal. My brown hair did not even approach gold-in fact, it now had streaks of silver-and my five foot nine inches had so far in my life proved to be more awkward than commanding. She, on the other hand, had been blessed with the Colebrook chestnut hair, as yet untouched by age, and stood at a more dainty five foot two inches. When we were children I had once cried because we were not identical. Our father had taken me aside and told me that he found such duplications unsettling and he was well satisfied with his two mismatched girls. He had been a good father and a better man. Yet in the eyes of society, his sordid death atop a rookery whore five years ago had become the sum of him. It had nearly tainted my sister and me, too, for I had recklessly gone to the hovel to retrieve my father-I could not bear to think of his body gawped at by the masses, or as a source of their sport. As fate would have it, I was seen at the brothel. An unmarried woman of breeding should not even know about such places, let alone debase herself by entering one and speaking to the inhabitants. I became the latest on-dit and it was only the staunch support of our most influential friends that silenced the scandalmongers and returned us to the invitation lists. A small group of middlings-the women with shawls clasped over dimity gowns and the men in belcher neckerchiefs and sober wools-clustered around a singer at the side of the path. The woman's plaintive ballad turned Julia's head as we passed. "'The Fairy Song,'" she said. "One of Robert's favorites." I quickened our pace past the memory; fate seemed to be conspiring against me. We attracted a few glances as we walked toward the gloomy entrance to the Dark Walk, mainly from women on the arms of their spouses, their thoughts in the tight pinch of their mouths. "Maybe we should have brought Samuel and Albert," Julia whispered. She had seen the matronly judgment too. "Charlotte does not want our footmen knowing her business," I said. "Besides, we are not quivering girls in our first season. We do not need to be chaperoned all the time." "Do you remember the code we girls made up to warn each other about the men in our circle?" Julia asked. "The code based on these gardens." "Vaguely." I searched my memory. "Let me see: a Grand Walk was a pompous bore, a Supper Box was a fortune hunter . . ." "And a Dark Walk was the reddest of red flags," Julia said. "Totally untrustworthy, never be alone with him. It was based on all those awful attacks that happened in the Dark Walk at the time. Do you recall?" I did-respectable young girls pulled off the path and assaulted in the worst way. "That was more than twenty years ago, my dear. We are women of forty-two now, well able to look after ourselves." "That is not what Duffy would say."

Indeed, our brother, the Earl of Duffield, would be horrified to know we had gone to Vauxhall Gardens on our own, let alone braved the lewd reputation of the Dark Walk. "Duffy would have us forever hunched over embroidery or taking tea with every mama who saw her daughter as the new Lady Duffield." "True," Julia said, "but you are so vehement only because you know this is beyond the pale. Not to mention dangerous." I did not meet her eye. My sister knew me too well. "Well, we are here, anyway," I said, indicating the Dark Walk to our right. Huge gnarly oaks lined either side of the path, their overhanging branches almost meeting in the middle to make a shadowy tunnel of foliage. One lamp lit the entrance but I could see no other light farther along the path. Nor any other person. "It lives up to its name," Julia said. We both considered its impenetrable depths. "Should we do as Duffy would want and turn back?" I asked. "I'd rather wear dimity to the opera," Julia said and pulled me onward. I knew my sister just as well as she knew me.

---

Excerpted from The Benevolent Society of Ill-Mannered Ladies by Alison Goodman Copyright © 2023 by Alison Goodman. Excerpted by permission of Berkley. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

[danddymaro]

Returning home | Leone Abbacchio x Reader

First Part  : Abba Finding out about a Secret Child

Reader insert // Your name // (Y/n)

Daughter’s name // (D/n)

Thoughts are italics in quotations = ‘Example’

Flashbacks are in italics = Example

Word Count :  1711

The reader makes the trip back home greeted by none other than the man she’d left behind.

(f/n) did her best to give her daughter the world, forcing herself to show the world a smile that truly didn't match up with her heart, all for her child's sake.

Because, while Leone had broken her own heart, it was no reason to let her own child go through the same wretched pain.

'You'll never know he rejected you.' (f/n) mused, watching her little girl as she opened up her eyes to her mother, the baby releasing little whimpers that begged for attention,

'You'll never know the feeling...' The woman then thought to herself, all while eyeing the beautiful golden orbs which were nearly identical to the mafioso's own gaze.

"It breaks my heart to see you...to know that you'll more than likely be the spitting image of him, and not just what I see now," She started,

" But his smile as well...

His way of seldom...

Even his way of chewing...

- All the stupid little habits he'd acquired throughout the years," (f/n) chuckled with tears in her eyes, "I can already tell that you'll somehow be just like him." she mused.

"In fact, I might just break down the first time you curse at someone!" She added, all while laughing, amused at her own stupidity.

" Oh, My love, When you take your first bite of Margherita Pizza... I just know you'll love it too! It'll be your favorite! " (f/n) then said while throwing her head back, "...And I'll just think of Leone," She murmured while still facing up at the ceiling, her eyes momentarily closed as she thought of the man.

" I'll think of the silly way he'd accidentally take a bite of his own hair, which is just so similar to yours my dear..." She said with the same touch of softness, saddened eyes gazing up at the roof,

" I'll cry my eyes out when you beg me to teach you how to make it...

because...

because...

he'd taught me how to make it just right!" she said while the tip of her index and thumb met, the universal signal of perfection being made,

"I couldn't eat anyone else's besides your papa's classic recipe... as silly as it sounds," She admitted, trailing her gaze back down to her sweetly gurgling angel.

" Oh (d/n)... I'll break down...

I just know it." She said with certainty, the pads of her fingers trailing down the side of (d/n)'s chubby cheek,

" I just hope you never see it, and if you do catch a glimpse of my tears...I hope you never remember them." She said with melancholy.

"I'd pray you never ask about him...but I know that eventually, you will." She said with a small grimacing grin,

" I know one day you'll ask why every other child gets to have both parents, all while your mother remains the same lonely fool I am now," (f/n) said while shaking her head,

"Please...don't hate me," (f/n) breathed, " Please just... whatever you do...

Don't hate me.

You can be similar to him in every way you want, just promise me that unlike him, you won't push me away..." She said with falling tears, holding her little girl close to her chest.

"Promise me that you will always love your mother, ok?"

(f/n) had felt anxious throughout the entire route back to the place she had once called home, her heart tightening more the closer she drew, because she knew that it was inevitable.

She was well aware that eventually, she'd be face to face with him.

She had expected it, but even then while she was before him, she froze.

When he was the first to greet her, she found herself unable to properly function, rigidly standing beneath the golden gaze of the man she'd left behind, the woman nearly struck stupid,

" Ah... Leone," (f/n) said with a follow-up of a short, single cough, her eyes drawing away from him as her hold on her sleeping child tightened.

" (F/n)," he said back, sounding flat as he tried to hold himself together.

He felt his heart race, his stomach being in twisted knots as he got a clear view of his sleeping child as well as the beauty before him.

To him, (f/n) hadn't changed much, except in the aspect that now, after all the time she'd been away, she now held an alluring air that left him intoxicated, his entire body which had once been touched by her, itching to step even closer.

He could then see her face visually fall as her bottom lip was tucked beneath her teeth at his rather curt response, and it made his breath hitch.

'I see,' She thought to herself, feeling her heart slowly cracking, the last bits of what had remained being stepped on by his own two feet.

' You don't seem to want to be here.' she mused, feeling it best to leave in order to spare him the effort of putting up an act.

However, she was stuck wanting to stay, but not wanting to stay all the same.

She was itching to hold him, but stopped by the aloofness he presented himself with, taking it all as an indication that he was unaffected by her, and much more the child in her arms.

'It's not as though I expected him to run to me...

To greet me with a kiss...

To have him ... I...' She stopped her train of thought, inwardly cursing at herself for even having had the slightest bit of hope.

She nodded with understanding, her eyes shut tight for just a moment before she seemed to stare at him dead on, when in reality they glanced above him, too weak to align with his,

"I'm here to speak with Bucciarrati, " She said firmly, her voice thickened slightly as the knot in her throat began to clump it.

'That's what I'm here for,' She told herself, trying to convince herself that it was the only thing she'd come back for.

"- He's not here," he stated, and as soon as the words left him she turned, quickly hiding her face of dejection and disappointment, " Then I'll come back later," She said quietly, choosing to retreat, not wanting to sit through the discomfort and pain.

' Shit.' Leone cursed, ' Shit, shit, shit, No,' he thought to himself, knowing he was screwing up his chance already.

" (f/n) please, wait ! " he told her, his tone begging, something that made her eyes round, the female halting her steps as she heard the loud plea.

" Don't go," he begged her, his voice resonating with an air of desperation that could be detected a mile away.

" I've missed you...I've missed you so, so much," he confessed to her, a hand clutching his chest as he tried to relieve the ache that had begun as soon as he'd seen her draw away from him.

" I'm an idiot when it comes to this," he admitted,

"But ..." He started, taking in a long, low breath,

" But I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was a piece of shit to you.

I'm sorry I missed out on so much.

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

I'm sorry that...

I'm sorry there's too much for me to apologize for," He said while he stepped towards her, moving only by a single step before he watched her stand stiffly still, her breath halted for just a moment as she collected herself before turning back to him, her body trembling all the while.

"I'm sorry that I never told you I loved you," he went on, keeping his eyes glued to her widened (e/c) colored ones,

" I'm sorry that during all the time we were together, I was too stupid to see how much I was hurting you," He told her.

"You didn't deserve it...Just like I didn't deserve you,"

"Leone," she breathed in disbelief.

It felt strange to stand before him while being so bashful, her face suddenly glowing as she felt younger, smaller, and inexperienced as though it was the first time she'd ever laid eyes on him.

chuckling softly, he thought back to their first kiss, remembering she'd made the same sweet expression that had been caught between surprise as well as joy, and so much more he didn't properly appreciate back then,

The lilac of his lipstick smudged over the corner of her lips, and he couldn't help but chuckle at the color invading her face and staining it pink.

"Your first?" He asked her, sounding cocky, pridefully gazing at her flustered daze, finding it utterly adorable.

"No," She breathed before giggling, fingers touching her tingling, purple-stained lips,

" Just the best," she revealed to him, backing away from him, playfully grinning before he reached her, giving her another press, the second time holding her so tightly she could feel his muscles flex.

His lips fell over her, softly grazing hers until she responded back, slowly at first before she came to, not having realized how much they'd gravitated towards each other until she tasted the familiar addicting savor of his mouth.

"Leone..?" She murmured again, small, light tears falling down her face.

'You...You really mean to tell me that all this time.. all this time you thought of me too?' She thought with a heavy heart.

Stepping back, he offered her a soft smile, one that became even gentler as he noticed a pair of large, glossy eyes blinking up at him, eyeing him curiously.

"Mamma?" (d/n) asked, her voice soft and sweet, though still laced with sleep,

"Who's that?" she murmured, wondering just who was the man that stood before her mother.

(f/n) had always figured she'd bawl at the question, but somehow she held back her tears, a soft smile coming into play as she gently wiped back the little tears that had escaped earlier,

"(d/n)..." (f/n) started, introducing the little girl to the man before her,

- the same one whose eyes shined, nearly tearing up, but holding back all the pain of before to show his child a smile of welcome and nothing less,

"Welcome Home," he said softly, looking towards them both while he tried to settle the unsteady pace of his heart.

Fluffier pieces following this:

Playing Princess

Meeting Giorno

[fishmongeringstudies]

the year i turned twenty i stopped waiting for someone to save my life and started eating more vegetables

in the winter of 2018 i got a root canal done on the molar in the upper left-hand corner of my mouth. it had been on the verge of death for a while now; two years prior to that a visiting government-sponsored school dentist had taken a look at it, frowned, and then spent the next two hours wheedling all the rot out of that tiny black hole with a drill. unfortunately the solution he imposed was both extremely painful and temporary, and so two years after the initial incident i found myself once again at the dentist's (this time at a clinic; school dentists don't like to deal with the extra-gritty stuff and are not paid enough to do so). they stuck a needle in my gum, numbed three-quarters of my mouth, then drilled a hole through the center of my tooth and ripped the withering shred of nerve-tissue right out of it.

my dentist helpfully explained all of the above to me during our consultation session in the same office in which he would rip the top half of my tooth off a week later. he was a balding, smiling man whose speech did not, unlike many medical professionals i had met over the years, have an edge of condescension to it. i liked him. i would have liked him more were he not planning to essentially castrated my tooth.

several weeks later i went to another dentist who specialized in helping people in post-root canal limbo, and she stuck a shiny metal crown on what was left of my molar. we then scheduled a series of check-ups to ensure that the crown had not flown off its liege while i attacked an ice cube or something similarly bad for my teeth and mental health, which stretched on for so long that she became, more or less, my primary dental care physician. at first the check-ups were a month apart. then two. time passed. her hair grew longer and our conversations less awkward; she was beautiful and snarky and looked like she would shoot god without hesitation if he stepped into range of her gun. she wore her hair short, red tinged with gold, in a pixie-cut that fell over half of one eye. for a while i thought i was in love with her.

'do you floss?' she asked me on my second check-up.

'no,' i said.

'well.' she broke off a length of dental floss and began to wind it around her fingers. it looked like a death threat and she looked ready to kill, though her eyes were smiling. 'you should.'

for the first year after having an utterly destroyed tooth brought back from the brink of death via a grisly temporary solution that would, at best, buy me one or two decades of peace, i didn't. i didn't floss because when she did it for me in her tiny examination room my gums bled so much it took hours for me to wash the bitter taste of iron out of my mouth. blood is a nice concept and a nicer motif in writing. but it smells awful, and it's worst on the tongue. so i didn't floss my teeth, and i went through life with the kind of casual detached disinterest with which i had approached most things up until then. at my next check-up she asked once again if i had been flossing and i lied that i had. after poking and prodding around in my mouth for a few minutes and taking a scan for good measure she gave me a look and said dryly, 'you haven't been flossing at all, have you.'

disappointing your parents, your favorite high school english teacher, or even your best friend is nothing compared to the sheer embarrassment that comes from knowing your beautiful dentist asked you to do the bare minimum, and you failed to deliver. her voice was arid but we had known each other for long enough by then for me to detect a thin undercurrent of disappointment. i had done it. i had lost the support of the only person in my life who could be counted on to support me. because i paid her for her services. and she was also very funny in a quiet sarcastic way. and she was beautiful.

having had my ego wounded beyond description i resolved to floss from then on and succeeded in dragging my poor aching gums past the bleeding stage to a point where they were merely post-workout sore. then i lost interest and forgot about the white, sterile-smelling clinic that was a fifteen minutes' drive from my house and the little pack of dental floss on the bathroom counter faded into obscurity. two weeks before my next appointment in 2020, an alarm on my phone went off to inform me of the approaching day of judgment. i panicked.

'have you been flossing?' my dentist asked as i lay back in the faded green chair and she put on a pair of new gloves.

'yeah,' i said.

five minutes later, she removed her army of dentistry equipment from my mouth with a satisfied hum. 'i see that you have.' her eyes were smiling. 'your teeth look fine. i'll just clean them a little for you.'

i celebrated impressing my favorite dentistry professional in singapore by forgetting to floss for the next two months. soon after that i got on a plane to america, and then two more for good measure in case i hadn't grown sick of sitting and burning in my own skin already, and then twelve weeks of insanity ensued, the details of which we are surely all acquainted with by now. late nights, walks in the forest, afternoons spent in the sun. mismatched footsteps and strange acquaintances. an elaborate circus act staffed entirely by misguided but well-meaning teenagers. a ring of fire.

two weeks ago i bought a box of dental floss for ninety-nine cents. i think this might be what the anthropologists call 'adulthood'. i was at target with a friend and we were getting toothpaste, which we had both nearly run out of, when i saw the little flat box of dental floss hanging from a hook on the wall. my teeth weren't particularly disgusting (they haven't been, not since i learned how to brush them properly), but they weren't beautiful. it had been a while since i had been on my own mind. for the last three months, others' pain had been my main priority, and now that we had eliminated most of them from the picture, i found myself with more time in the mornings to stare at myself in the mirror and wonder how, exactly, i was doing.

how are you doing? i asked. and the answer was i felt like shit.

while i've stayed in dormitories before for extended periods of time i always got out of doing laundry by either submitting my dirty clothes to an on-campus service which disappeared them into a hole in the fabric of reality and returned them to you a day later, cleaned and folded outside your room so the first time i did laundry by myself in america, a week after arriving on campus, i felt invincible. buying an iced chai from the cafe on a thursday morning and then settling down to work on my laptop until my first class started at noon, i felt like a character in a career advisory ad, like someone who knew where they were going and how they were going to get there. standing in front of the bathroom mirror of my summer dorm, winding a strand of dental floss around my fingers, i felt like i had aged fifteen years in the span of just one, and that just this once, it was for the better.

according to my adult friends, no one ever fully feels or recognizes that they are an adult. adulthood is an ideal that all grown children strive towards the way body-builders aim for more and more muscle mass until there's nothing left of them but a pair of well-toned biceps. there are several industry-approved ways to be an adult, but there are no suggested ways to feel like one. this is part of the gaping maw of inadequacy our generation has fallen into. this afternoon i melted butter in a pan and beat two eggs, milk, salt, and garlic powder together in a bowl. pouring the egg mixture into the pan i began to scrape the edges frantically towards the center with a spatula. the whole process took no longer than two or three minutes. by the end of it my hand was shaking.

according to my adult friends you just wake up one day and start looking for ways to re-organize your pantry and that's when you realize: i'm getting old, aren't i? and i'm getting old, aren't i? twenty's just the start of what a friend recently told me her parents refer to as 'the decade of pain'. but the beginning of something is included in the timeline of its accomplishments, too, and it takes more blind faith to start something than we give ourselves credit for. i have never used a saucepan up until today. in my younger years i often boiled broccoli or cauliflower in a small pot over an electric stove. but the butter, the eggs, the smell of fat sizzling on a pan- this is new to me. this entire life is new to me.

leaving the familiar warmth of your family home, it suddenly occurs to you how fragile life is. how everything your mother has done for you until now has kept you on the path forward, and now you have been given the keys to the basement you have to remember to buy laundry detergent before you run out. it all comes together like this: the humming laundry machines, the hand towels, the fridge full of fruit and cheese. it keeps you alive.

and it's awful. our generation doesn't know what self-care is because we're too busy trying to care for a world which tries, time and again, to kick us off the carousel of life and move on without its ephemeral teenage charges. we are bad at this 'living' thing because we often forget that we are alive at all. look out the window and the world's burning. look into the kitchen, and- quiet. this past year has done nothing to improve the paintings on the wall. we've all known hopelessness. we've all known what it's like to wake up and feel nothing at all.

and yet my flatmate has a new york times cooking subscription that she says we're welcome to borrow if we want to look up a recipe for something like paella, brownies, whatever. the other day she made shrimp scampi and when she knocked on my door and said 'i made food, if you'd like some' i remember thinking living with other people was worth it if you could sit around a table and twirl pasta noodles around your fork in silence. tomorrow i think i'll go to target again and see if i can find more acai. i miss it. i miss singapore's overpriced acai places and their stupid too-high chairs.

and i am living life clumsily, but who cares? a life is a life; all you have to do is live it. the rest can come later, after the dust has settled on the windowsill.

06.09.21

[twistedtummies2]

Ele-May-ntary - Number 11

Welcome to Ele-May-natary! All throughout the month of May, I’ve been counting down my Top 31 Favorite Portrayals of Sherlock Holmes, from movies, television, radio, and even video games! Last time, we discussed Nicholas Rowe’s youthful reinterpretation of the character. Today, we talk about a more well-known actor, who brought to life about as drastic a reimagining of Holmes as you can get. Number 11 is…Michael Caine.

First Alan Napier, and now Michael Caine! Further proof that Alfred Pennyworth clearly taught Bruce Wayne everything he bloody knows about being a detective! (pauses) Actually, in this case, maybe that’s not such a good thing. Caine played the role of Holmes in a picture called “Without a Clue.” At the time it was released, Without a Clue was not received too well, but nowadays, it’s become one of the more well-known Holmes pastiche movies out there. While not an outright PARODY, per say, it IS a comedy at heart, and a very lighthearted mystery picture. The humor and the infamy it has come not only from the prominence of the cast – Caine as Holmes and Ben Kingsley as Dr. Watson, especially – but from the very simple premise. In this film, it is WATSON who is the Master Detective, while Holmes is HIS sidekick. The movie presents us with this conceit: Conan Doyle’s stories are all written entirely from Watson’s perspective. In this film, that’s taken advantage of in an interesting way: it’s revealed that Dr. Watson is, in fact, the true genius and crime-solver, but because of the kind of person he is, no one ever believes him or is interested in his many deductions. He thus creates the fictional character of Sherlock Holmes to give the public the kind of detective they clearly want. Caine, it’s revealed, is an out-of-work actor whom Watson hires to not only help with the rent at 221B Baker Street, but also to give Holmes a body and a face. If people want to call on and meet Sherlock Holmes, or get his help on a case, they have him. The humor arises from the fact that Caine’s Holmes is not at all the Holmes in the stories; he’s a bungling drunkard with little self-control, and it’s only due to Watson he solves ANY of his famous cases at all. The only ones who know that Holmes is a fraud are Mrs. Hudson and Professor Moriarty – fittingly, Moriarty is Watson’s nemesis, not Sherlock’s. While trying to stop Moriarty in the midst of a counterfeiting caper, Holmes and Watson have a falling out, as Watson is fed up with Sherlock causing trouble for him, and is also growing envious of all the attention Holmes gets when HE’S the one actually doing all the work. Eventually, however, the two discover they need each other, and are able to put an end to Moriarty’s dastardly schemes. This was a really interesting, funny, and unique twist to the formula of Sherlock Holmes, while still keeping true to many elements found in the Conan Doyle stories. Caine is by no means an obvious person to play this role, but that’s kind of the point: he’s not meant to be the Holmes we all know and love, because that Holmes basically does not exist. Over the course of the film, however, he learns to become the Sherlock Holmes we all know, and while he’s still often clownish, he does come into his own as a character and shows his true heroic worth. One of the weirdest things about this film is its legacy: out of all things, VEGGIETALES actually basically did their own take on this same idea, with an adaptation called “Sheerluck Holmes” that has the same exact relationship: Holmes is a bungling clod who takes all the credit, while Watson is actually the real mastermind, but nobody ever listens to him. I have no idea if this was coincidental or not, but it would be pretty amazing if it was. Beyond that, however, this is a movie that seems to polarize Holmes fans: you either love it for its comical and unique approach to things, or you hate it because of how it so utterly flips the world of Holmes on its head. I, personally, love it: it’s one of my favorite movies for both Kingsley and Caine, and remains a personal favorite take on Holmes for me. We’re about to enter the top ten! Who will be next? Check in and find out!

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck Reviews: Tiff of the Titans

Uh-Oh, Gizmoduck Comes to town! In the first of a series of reviews building up to Just Us Justice Ducks,  the dopey, arrogant, anti-charasmatic, national embarrassment heads to St. Canard to guard a super weapon from F.O.W.L. Naturally, he ends up being more of a problem for our hero than the actual bad guys. Also a look at Tad Stone’s claims the series isn’t in the same universe as Ducktales.  Full review and recap commissioned by @weirdkev27​ under the cut

This review, much like Death, Taxes and Thanos, was inevitable. I’d been planning to watch and review the first appearances of each of the justice ducks and fearsome five as my next step in watching Darkwing duck anyway, and while I’ve already got one member’s appearance in the wings anyway, I’ll get to that tomorrow or Saturday just in time for Halloween, hint hint, Kev pushed this one into the queue with a commission and I  was happy to take the side trip to see just what the Darkwing version of Gizmoduck and Steelbeak, two of my favorites in the reboot, were like originally. So welcome folks to the build to the greatest superhero team made up of ducks of all time, let’s get quackin. 

We open, here in Duckburg, where the Eggmen are breaking in. Sadly they do not have the master plan, but they are here to steel the Comarant, a super powerful land, sea and air device the military is storing there. They instead find Gizmoduck! Who makes a good first impression, being a hoaky superman parody in iron man’s costume in this continuity, but it’s a nice way to contrast to Darkwing’s batman parody with a touch of Sandman.. the pulp one not the neil gaiman one.  Sadly he doesn’t have a cool gas mask but the Darkwing Duck costume is iconic without it. 

Point is the eggmen are easily repelled, though they do get away by blasting Gizmo with a tank. The General in charge is thankful for Gizmoduck’s help, but notes the Comarant will be heading to St. Canard soon for a demonstration at the big air show, and asks that Giz go over and protect it, maybe even work with Darkwing to protect it. Though Gizmo shoots that down, and not only insults Darkwing but says he’s not sure if he’s good or bad. While the latter comment did sour me on the guy.. research bears out Darkwing has been framed once or twice, and my own experience with the pilot saw him you know breaking out of jail and basically clamming superheroes are above the law, so I COULD get why someone wouldn’t trust him, even if Giz’s attitude about it still isn’t great. So fenton quick changes behind a sign and heads off to see his old buddy Launchpad.  A quick aside before we get going this episode doesn’t so much torch Tad Stone’s retroactive claim this isn’t the same universe as Ducktales, as burn it to ashes, take a whiz on those ashes and send each separate ash on a seperate probe to the farthest reaches of space. This episode not only has a cameo by Scrooge on a billboard.. but it’s one for DUCKBURG. Where Gizmoduck is said to be from. He also knows launchpad well, and vice versa, and outright mentions McDuck Manor. the episode couldn’t be saying “this is the same universe as ducktales’ harder if Scrooge himself showed up and started ranting about a Sea Monster eating his ice cream. I do like and respect Tad Stones, but I will never like or respect this claim of his and even if HE had that idea in his head during production of the show, it’s very clear everyone else including Disney who greenlit the Darkwing Duck comics explicitly connecting the two universes, felt it was a shared universe, and there’s really no reason they can’t coexist. 

If it’s because “Well launchpad wouldn’t leave scrooge”.. besides the fact Scrooge tried to fire him MULTIPLE times, it’s not farfetched Scrooge would put him in charge of a hangar both because he trusts him.. and to get rid of him since he doesn’t like Launchpad very much. Plus Donald has to come back from his tour of duty sometime and likely could easily do Launchpad’s job as pilot, as he did in the source material. My point is there’s tons of ways to write the man out easily, and he could just as easily be doing both jobs like in the reboot. This feels like a weird, unnecessary retcon no one wanted and everyone just politely ignores, like the creators of Doug saying he and Patti didn’t end up together after High School. Which even then makes more sense than this claim, since at least there I get the creators not thinking a high school romance would last forever. That’s fair.. it’s just not something fans really wanted to hear after spending two separate series and a movie getting them together. It would be like if Girl Meets World had revealed Cory and Topanga had divorced. Yes it’d be possible since they’d broken up twice over the course of the series, but no one wanted that, why would you do that. I’m getting off topic, the point is a few breakups aside Doug and Patti clearly married eventually, and Darkwing Duck and Ducktales are in the same universe. Sometimes you just have to ignore Word of God for your own sanity.

Back at the actual episode we cut to Steelbeak’s Bowling Alley Hideout... and I do love a job that allows me to say things like that. But in a really fantastic bit Steelbeak is bowling his minions over as punishment for failure.. even though they have a valid reason but eh he’s the bad guy and he has to get his bowling average up for FOWL’s bowling team somehow. Their insurance covers evil punishment related accidents anyways, they’ll be fine. 

But yeah let’s talk about Steelbeak for a second. I honestly hadn’t seen any of the original version so I was curious.. and he’s really damn awesome. Rob Paulsen always does a great job though and is always a pleasure, but he really does a good job here and with the contrast in him: He’d seem like a dumb thug, what with his gangster accent and general cockiness and swagger.. but he backs it up with great combat and even greater planning. He’s a schemer, a fighter and damn if he isn’t fun to watch.  It also makes me love the reboot version even more. While I already loved him for being played by Jason Mantzokus, being enjoyably dim, while also still enough of a threat to be freaking cool, it’s even cooler knowing he’s still fundamentally the same character. Much like Drake he’s simply been tweaked a bit. For drake it was softening the edges since Ducktales isn’t as broad a show, and neither will the darkwing reboot i’m betting, so his ego and selfishness is sanded down considerably. For Steelbeak it’s giving him an actual origin: Instead of starting at the top of FOWL, he’s starting as a very competent but very wet behind the ears and full of himself agent, working his way up to becoming justifably full of himself like the original show. He has the same swagger and badassery, he’s just not a master planner yet and he’ll get there. Like many of the reboot characters, he’s simply an already great character given some extra depth and rounding out. I love both and can’t wait to see him again next ep and hopefully he’ll show up in the Darkwing reboot so they can go for round 2. 

So with that out of the way, Darkwing naturally interrupts, and cleans house with his gas gun, forcing Steelbeak and his crew to literally go underground into the sewers. This successfully fools drake, and Steelbeak bemoans how both Darkwing and Gizmoduck have been thwarting his plans.. until he gets a great idea; pit them against each other so he can pilfer the comerant while their too busy fighting. It’s a classic supervillain tactic, and one that works perfectly because one of them’s an egotist and a dick and the other is also that but with more style and likeability.  Back at Drake’s place, Gosalyn and Honker are watching a horror movie they clearly aren’t supposed to till Drake and launchpad come back in via their easy chairs flipping them in from Darkwing Tower which is just.. really cool. I like it. I also like that much like the Shakespeare bust in Wayne Manor, Darkwing has his own neat statue to provide acess to his lair... a tiny bronze statue of Basil from the Great Mouse Detective.. I REALLY need to fucking watch that film but it’s a nice nod. But yeah Launchpad brought them back because he feels drake could use a break while Drake refuses to stop because crime never stops and he doesn’t have time for it and your usual self destructive bollocks. It’s interrupted by a knock at the door? 

It’s Fenton! Whose stopped in to see his old buddy launchpad, who is happy to see his old friend and the two catch up, though Drake dosen’t like the interuption because Classic Drake is kind of a grumpus. Fenton naturally is here because Gizmoduck is but says he’s doing a job for the military.. which makes no sense but given Drake doesn’t know what he does and Launchpad dares to be stupid, if not nearly as stupid as his reboot version, no one questions it. When Fenton says he needs to find a hotel Launchpad, being Launchpad, invites him to stay and while Fenton watches the movie with the kids, Drake wants him gone because you know he has a secret identity to keep and a case to work on and they don’t know if they can trust him with it. It’s fair.. but since this is Drake he almost handles it with the subtly of a howitzer. But before he can try to literally throw Fenton out on his ass, a news report comes on about an attack at a local theater and both head off to take care of it.. we also get a nice moment where both react to it with the same words at the same time.  Fenton.. is actually really likeable. He’s a bit awkward, more in that he sort of barges in and makes himself comfy.. but it’s very easy to see from this and the one Ducktales episode of his i’ve seen where the utterly marvelous reboot version gets some traits from: his nervousness, his pluckness, his lack of thinking things through ocasionally when he’s not overthinking them. Fenton is charming. The issue is once he switches on the costume he goes from utterly charming to punchable REALLL quick. I’ll explain my problems with his alter ego in a sec. 

At the theater Steelbeak fakes it to look like Darkwing’s doing the bombing, if half haphazardly and leaves Darkwing with the bomb so when Gizmo shows up he thinks he’s responsible. Darkwing naturally says it wasn’t him, but Gizmo dosen’t buy it and asks if he’s so good how come he wears a mask... says the guy in a helmeted visor’s whose only defense when that’s pointed out is it came with the suit. Which yes is a joke.. but it fails to land and instead of being funny just makes Gizmo look like a hypocritical dick whose assuming someone is evil based on flimsy evidence, and what’s very obviously a setup. it makes him come off as the biggest dumbass alive instead of this world’s superman and that is annoying. More ranting about him in a minute. We do end up getting an incredibly funny bit where the two end up arguing over who gets to defuse a bomb, with both wrestling over it till Gizmoduck takes care of it and both fall into the theater. Gizmoduck tries to arrest Darkwing who ignores him and runs off.  The next day the Mallard family, including Honker naturally, watches Gizmoduck get a parade, a key to the city and other good stuff on the news while Drake sulks before turning it off. And yeah i’ve waited long enough let’s talk about this version of Gizmoduck and why he does not work. I get in theory he’s supposed to be “The Cape”, minus the cape: The big cheese that everyone looks up to and loves to Darkwing’s  dark avenger of the night, a parody of that whose also really dumb. The issue is two fold. The first is .. the classic archtypical cape type chracter has been parodied to hell and back by 2020. He’s been a monster, an asshole and as with here an idiot. And even for then a superman parody, if not in apperance or powers but in treatment, whose really dumb wasn’t very new. 

And you CAN parody a big silver age type hero: Justice League International did so well without being too overt, having most of the team either annoyed or actively hostile to Shazam/Captain Marvel. But it was done well there because well.. billy’s a very corny very earnest and likeable kid in an adult’s body. To us he’s charming and loveable. But to a bunch of actual adults he’d be offputting at best and annoying at worst. While some have been annoyed at how he was handled, I a fan of both JLI and Shazam liked it and thought it was an interesting take. Another REALLY good and REALLY hilarious take on this is from fellow superhero action comedy Danny Phantom, one of my favorites and one I need to revisit. One episode had Danny split himself in two so he could crimefight and have fun with his friends resulting in one self whose a burnt out slacker, and another whose an over the top crimefighter who says things like “you Felonious fiend!” And “This looks like a job for the vacuum cleaner!”. It’s a damn good episode. My point is it’s been better done before and since. 

What doesn’t help is the episode tries to paint it as equal, since Darkwing’s problem in part is Gizmoduck stealing his thunder.. but it doesn’t work. Darkwing is a fully fleshed out character we know and love who despite his huge ego and rampant jackassery, is a decent person whose fought hard for St. Canard, loves his daughter and most damingly... is entertainingly sickish. Gizmoduck’s dickery just makes him come off less likeable and incredibly dense, while Darkwing’s is part of his charm and, along with his ego, has backfired enough to balance it out. Gizmo just doesn’t get comeuppance for his behavior, and instead gets rewarded with a parade, a key to the city, cheerleaders and Gosalyn looking up to him just for having powers in his gadgets. And really his methods aren’t that different from dark wing: While Darkwing is secretive, a loner and uses gadgets.. Gizmoduck’s suit is basically one BIG gadget, and he refuses to see. And I get that’s probably the joke but it just. doesn’t. LAND. It just makes him insufferable. And as far as I can tell in the original show he wasn’t: he was an awkward dork we root for like in the reboot, not a gloryhogging jackass whose squandered his good will long before he gets Darkwing isn’t evil and tries working with him to the point I don’t care by the time that happens: He’s already been so obnoxious it dosen’t make up for it. Maybe later appearances are better but he’s just a chore to watch in costume here. And that’s WITHOUT comparing him to the 2017 version, one of my favorites there, one of the best animated superheroes i’ve seen in a long time, and a toughly likeable character who struggles due to his superhero identity but took it up for exactly the right reasons and wants to help people. Darkwing Gizmoduck thinks he’s the cape and an inspiration when a good guy when he’s worse than the guy he hates at times. Reboot Gizmo is an honest, decent guy who simply wants to help people and use the gizmotech as a way to do that, to help change the world for the better and save the helpless, and only clashes with Darkwing due to his ego and lack of understanding that Gizmoduck and him really aren’t that different. Finally if THIS is why Tad Stones wants them to be different universes, because this Fenton is different from the Ducktales one in personality.. then that’s on HIM. That’s on him for writing this version poorly or letting him get written so poorly and not on the fans who had no reason not to connect a dot. God this character was disappointing and hopefully when I watch more of him at work in Ducktales, he isn’t this obnoxious, nor will he hopefully be in his sequel episodes.  Thankfully moving on Darkwing gets to work, because you know he has experience, and finds Steelbeak trying to pilfer the cormorant but Captain Clueless interrupts and tries to arrest him. The two then finally fight and while it’s sadly short, it’s a fun clash and I genuinely hope the reboot has it’s own fight with them, as given how damn good they are at fight scenes, it’s bound to be even more awesome. But Steelbeak gets away, and uses the comarant’s secret weapon.. a giant fake egg that drops a giant pile of yolk to drown them. Gizmo finally realizes he’s been fighting the wrong guy but our hero's are now running out of time. Darkwing , being the actually capable one here, has Gizmo uses his propeller to beat the eggs and the two head off.. though after a funny bit where Gizmo breaks the Ratcatcher’s sidecar Darkwing lets him use his spare tier, which is huge and likely intended for the main vehicle. Good stuff.  The two get after Steelbeak and while Gizmo makes me pray for death but death won’t come we get a fun battle with Steelbeak including Steelbeak using his beak to bite down and destroy the gas gun. It’s a damn fun bit I must say. But eventually the good guys win, disable the comarant and Darkwing beats Steelbeak. The day is save, FOWL is foiled, our heroes are on shaky but better terms, and Drake and Fenton depart on good if equally shaky terms, before arguing about which of them is better. And we’re out.  Final Thoughts: This.. was a disappointingly mixed bag. Gizmoduck REALLY drug down what was otherwise a good episode with a great concept: Bringing in a hero whose stronger and more popular than Darkwing.. but mostly uses it to make Darkwing look good, which he didn’t need, and make Gizmoduck look REALLY bad, intentionally or otherwise. Steelbeak is a delight and his plan, and the egg trap, are really good, and as mentioned there are enough good set pieces to prevent this from being a terrible episode.. but as an old friend says for me time and time again...

[gwenbrightly]

The Gingerbread Caper

Cross-posted from ffnet.

The quiet atmosphere of the monastery was broken by the sound of screaming originating from Kai’s bedroom, waking anyone who still happened to be asleep. Nya groaned in annoyance and covered her face with a pillow. Wu was letting them slack off from Sunrise Exercises and she really didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to take advantage of that.

“GET IT OFF ME!!!” Her brother screamed again, forming coherent words this time. That was it. Obviously, the master of water wasn’t going to be sleeping in today. She threw her pillow aside and climbed out of bed, eyeing her clock resentfully. It was far too early for this. Not that 10 am was particularly early (but still!). She trudged from her room still wrapped in one of her blankets.

“What the heck, Kai?” Nya demanded when she reached Kai’s bedroom just down the hall. The master of fire sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He tossed something at her in disgust. She caught it with minimal effort. A gingerbread man. Or, at least, what was left of one. The poor cookie didn’t have any head.

“This better not have been you, sis.” he stated. Nya rolled her eyes, tempted to return to the comfort of her bed rather than deal with her over dramatic brother.

“Like I’d ever stoop so low. Seriously, you didn’t need to scream like that. It’s just a cookie.”

Kai gaped at her indignantly.

“Would you wanna wake up with some creepy soulless human wannabe in your bed?”

“Now there’s a quote I should send to your lovely girlfriend right away.” Nya laughed. He glared at her for a moment before suddenly shooting up from his bed.

“Skylor!”

“What?” she asked, confused, “I swear I wasn’t actually planning on sending this to her.”

“No, she’s supposed to be coming over today to decorate cookies with us!” he reminded her. Nya face-palmed.

“I can’t believe I forgot about that…”

“Actually, this is perfect. She’ll be totally unbiased about this whole gingerbread man fiasco.” Kai mused, already deep in thought. His sister frowned at him. It was obvious he had something up his sleeve.

“What are you planning?”

“Don’t look so worried, Nya. This is just like one of Ninja Noir’s mysteries! I just gotta follow the trail of evidence and eventually, I’ll be able to eliminate the impossible and find the truth!” Kai told her, quoting his favorite detective series.

“Kai, no.” she said, attempting to prevent the situation from getting totally out of hand. He ignored her, instead opting to head over to his closet to grab something. When he turned to face Nya again, he was wearing a fedora.

“Since when do you own a fedora?” the master of water questioned. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.

“Shhhh,” he cut her off with a wave of his hand, “Just go with it.”

Nya sighed, but followed him to go wait for Skylor to appear.

_________________________________________________________________

“Do I even wanna know what I just walked into?” Skylor wondered when she caught site of the scene playing out in the living room. Her boyfriend stared suspiciously at Lloyd and Jay, who were playing what appeared to be a rather intense game of Fist to Face (Ninja Edition!). It took him a second to register her presence. Nya waved her over, smiling apologetically.

“Someone,” Kai began to explain, holding up the cookie, which he’d gotten back from his sister, “thought it would be funny to put this in my bed and I wanna know who.”

Skylor resigned herself to another of Kai’s chaotic schemes. She already knew he had a problem with gingerbread people (and Christmas elves, and those little expanding bath toys they sold at the dollar store for that matter), though he wouldn’t tell her what it was about the holiday treats that bothered him so much.

“Eh okay. How can I help?”

“Are you sure you wanna do that?” Nya asked at the same time as Kai said, “You can be, like, the insanely hot mystery woman who helps the dashing detective (me) solve the mystery.”

“Real smooth, dork. But sure, why not.” the redhead decided, punching the master of fire’s shoulder lightly to distract from how rosy her cheeks were all of a sudden. He grinned in delight.

“Cool! Oh, and I guess Nya can help too.” Kai added as an afterthought. Nya raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you’re obviously not a suspect, sis! The gingerbread man couldn’t have been in my bed long or it would have crumbled, and you value sleep way too much to have gotten up early enough to orchestrate this.” he stated confidently. She didn’t look like she was taking this as a compliment.

“So, detective Smith, where do we start our investigation?” Skylor prompted. She had no desire to see the siblings get into a debate over their sleeping habits.

“Oh. Uh… We have to interview our suspects!” announced Kai, dragging Skylor and Nya over to the two video game playing ninja.

“Oh, hey guys. You wanna join our next round?” Jay offered, not taking his eyes off of the screen. He rapidly pressed several buttons on his controller at once.

“Yeah, it’ll be way more fun with more players!” agreed Lloyd. He gave a smirk of triumph as his avatar landed a final hit on his opponent. The master of lightning groaned, disappointed.

“Actually, I think Kai had something he wanted to ask you.” Skylor informed them. Jay and Lloyd set aside their controllers, curious. The sight of Kai in a fedora was unexpected; Lloyd was usually the only one who found them fashionable enough to wear.

“Oh, okay. What’s up?” the green ninja asked, wondering what on earth could be so pressing that Kai had gotten Nya and Skylor involved.

“I was wondering if you knew anything about this?” answered Kai he shoved the cookie under his brother’s nose. Taking note of the gingerbread man, Jay demanded, “Hey – how’d you convince Zane to let you have one of his cookies?”

He’d tried to snag one earlier that morning, only to be thwarted by the master of ice, who insisted they must save the gingerbread cookies for Skylor’s arrival. This was rather unfortunate, as they smelled utterly delicious.

“No, I- you’re telling me that you, the two biggest pranksters around, have no idea how this got in my bed?” Kai stated, skeptical. The two ninja shook their heads. It appeared he was going to have to use a different interrogation method to get answers. He judged his sister. She glared at him. He nodded pointedly at Lloyd and Jay. Not wanting to give in so easily, Nya stared at Kai silently for several minutes before finally relenting.

“If that’s true, then you won’t mind telling us what you’ve been doing all morning.” she said in her best police officer voice (and secretly wishing she had a fake mustache on her).

“Oh, that’s easy. We’ve been having a Fist to Face (Ninja Edition!) tournament for the past couple of hours. Just look at the scoreboard,” Jay told them with a shrug, “I mean, it is kinda embarrassing to see how many times Lloyd’s hooped me already today, but if it gets you to stop looking at me like that…”

Lloyd nodded, the picture of innocence. They took a closer look at the screen. Sure enough, the scores for the past thirty or so rounds, along with the times they were completed scrolled across the pause screen.

“Huh. Well, I guess you’re off the hook. For now, at least.” Kai decided, wondering who he should use his detective skills on next if the most obvious suspects had been ruled out.

“Maybe Zane knows who it was. He’s been in the kitchen all morning.” suggested Lloyd as he set up another round of the video game. Skylor grabbed Kai’s elbow and drug him towards the door, saying, “Good idea. I need to give him the extra sprinkles I brought anyway.”

Nya mouthed I’ll be back later to her boyfriend before following them. Instead of heading directly to the kitchen, Kai insisted on examining every nook and cranny of the hallway. He held a magnifying glass he’d somehow ended up with, though no one could say for sure where it had come from, and was doing his best to mutter what he thought sounded like very professional and insightful comments.

“Ahah! A trail of crumbs. Collect that for evidence, Sky.”

The redhead pretended like she hadn’t heard him, sharing a grossed out look with Nya.

“Oh, hey! Weren’t you missing an earring, Nya?”

Kai held out something sparkly and blue.

“Uh…thanks.” Nya accepted it, a look of utter surprise on her face. She’d been searching for this earring for weeks. Could it be possible that Kai was actually… good at this detective stuff?

“The detective and his sidekicks arrived at the kitchen at approximately 11:05 am., wondering what clues they would uncover inside…” Kai loudly announced, interrupting Nya’s thoughts.

“Hello!” Zane greeted them. Bowls of frosting in an impressively wide range of colors lined the counters along with several different kinds of sprinkles. Pixal was currently adding a few drops of vibrant red food dye to one of the few bowls that remained uncolored.

“Yes, welcome! Did you bring the sprinkles?” she asked. Skylor pulled a jar from her purse.

“Yep, here you go.”

“Thank goodness,” exclaimed Zane, taking them from her, “Dyeing sugar crystals by hand just isn’t effective.”

“Tell me about it. We tried it at the restaurant one time when we were in a pinch and… it didn’t work well.” the redhead recalled. Having grown bored with the conversation the others were having about epic fails with sprinkles, Kai examined the trays of cookies stacked next to the oven. Just as he’d predicted, one row of cookies was missing a gingerbread man.

“Hey, Zane, Pixal? You guys have been in here all morning, right?” he asked, casually. The two nindroids glanced at each other. Zane was the first to reply.

“Well, I stepped out for a few moments to bring Master Wu some oolong tea – he claims to be feeling a bit under the weather today – but, other than that, yes. Why?”

“I’m trying to figure out where this cookie came from. You didn’t happen to, say, give one of these to someone, did you?” Kai showed them the gingerbread man, curious to see their reaction. He was a little disappointed when neither of them did anything incriminating.

“I suppose it’s possible that Cole took it when I wasn’t looking. He came in here while Zane was gone to grab some extra tape.” Pixal said thoughtfully. Ahah! Kai’s eyes lit up.

“So he’s wrapping presents, huh,” he mused, “I wonder if he’s gotten to mine yet…”

“Kai! I thought you were being a detective, not some nosy kid!” his sister hissed disapprovingly. He huffed indignantly.

“I’m just curious, Nya. And besides, all the best detectives can multi-task.” Kai defended.

“Suuure.”

“Anyway, thank you for the info. We may be back later.” the master of fire stated in a more professional tone, heading out into the hall once more. Zane and Pixal waved as the others left, not sure how else to respond.

En route to Cole’s bedroom, Kai immediately reverted back to carefully examining every small space, carpet snag, and leafy garland in sight. Nothing escaped the lens of his magnifying glass. Not even his sister’s tennis shoes, which kept blocking his view. If he could just find something, anything, that would prove once and for all who was guilty of this delectable crime… Wait. Kai caught a whiff of something cinnamony wafting off of a wreath hung across the hall from the master of earth’s door. He sniffed the gingerbread man. It was the same smell. Reaching into the wreath, he plucked something small and round from inside. Victory! Skylor stared at him in confusion for a few minutes before realizing what he was holding.

“Is that what I think it is?”

Kai held the two pieces of the gingerbread man together.

“Yep. Looks like we might just have an official suspect.”

“You’re so weird…” Nya muttered under her breath. She was pretty sure nothing would possess her to behave like this.

“Hey, it worked pretty well, didn’t it?” Kai pointed out, slinging an arm around her shoulders. She sidestepped quickly, shrugging it off as she went.

“Well…” she started reluctantly, “I guess we’d better get in there and get some answers.” She swung the door open. They could hear the pleasant tune of the Nutcracker soundtrack playing on Cole’s phone as they entered. The ninja in question sat at his desk, surrounded by wrapping paper. He turned around and blocked their view of whatever else was on the desk before quickly asking, “Do… you need something, or are you just here to enjoy the total masterpiece that is the Nutcracker?”

“Uh, yeah. Though, it is definitely a classic.” Nya told him appreciatively. They would have to pull out the recording of Cole’s 6th grade performance of the ballet that Lou had given them one day soon.

“Let’s cut to the chase. We know why you were really in the kitchen, Cole.” Kai cut in impatiently. Cole’s face flushed with embarrassment.

“Aw, man! You’re not gonna tell Zane, are you?” he stammered.

“…What?” the master of fire attempted to ask.

“This is a one-time thing, I swear! His frosting is just too delicious to resist.” Cole continued sheepishly, oblivious to Kai’s question. Kai, Skylor, and Nya froze. This wasn’t at all what they had been expecting him to say.

“Zane’s…. Frosting?” Skylor repeated, wanting to make sure they had heard him right.

“Well yeah. I’ve been snacking in it all morning,” the master of earth admitted, showing them a mostly empty bowl, “It’s so good! Wait - what did you think I was talking about?”

No one replied at first; they were still processing the unexpected turn of events.

“We… may have thought you put a headless gingerbread man in Kai’s bed to mess with him.” Nya ultimately explained. Cole couldn’t help himself. He burst into laughter at this admission.

“Wow, I guess that explains the looks on your faces right about now. But as totally brilliant of an idea as that prank is, I had nothing to do with it. Sorry.”

“Eh, it’s okay. We probably shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions when Pixal told us you’d been in the kitchen. Or when I found the gingerbread man’s head in that wreath. In hindsight it was a pretty weird hiding place.” Kai said apologetically.

“Yeah.” his sister agreed.

“Almost…. Like someone wanted us to find it…” he continued.

“You think whoever did this tried to frame Cole?” Skylor questioned, finishing his thought. It was all coming together now.

“I guess I do…. Oolong tea not licorice…. Hang on a sec, I think I solved this thing!”

Nya gave him a look, as if questioning his sanity. His ramblings made little sense to her.

“No offense, Kai, but you lost me at tea.” she told him with a frown.

“Me too, honestly.” Cole nodded, equally lost, especially since he had missed a majority of the investigative process. Kai rolled his eyes in exasperation and said, “Just make sure everyone meets me in the living room in five minutes, and I’ll explain then, okay?”

“Even Master Wu?” Cole clarified, not wanting to disturb the old man without a good reason.

“Especially Master Wu.” Kai confirmed before dashing out of the room and leaving everyone else to wonder whether or not the master of fire was going to crash and burn.

He paced back and forth across the living room, earning the occasional odd look from Lloyd and Jay, who had moved on to arguing over the existence of a plot hole in the latest Starfarers movie.

“I’m telling you, Jay. They left that part vague so that it can be expanded on in the sequel!” Lloyd insisted. Jay didn’t look like he agreed with this statement, still stuck on his accusations of lazy writing. He was rescued from having to formulate a convincing comeback by the arrival of the rest of the residents of the monastery. Nya and Skylor had returned to the kitchen for the pair of nindroids, leaving Cole to retrieve Master Wu. The room was suddenly filled with noisy conversations as everyone claimed a seat.

“Okay. Let’s get down to business.” Kai practically shouted over the din. One by one, the others stopped talking and looked at him.

“Alright, let’s get this hare-brained scheme of yours over with so we can have lunch, then.” Cole encouraged, speaking for everyone. While they were curious to see if Kai had actually figured out who had pranked him, they had also gotten more than a little tired of being on the receiving end of his investigative tactics.

“Right. As you all know, I woke up this morning to find a decapitated gingerbread man in my bed,” the master of fire began dramatically, making sure everyone could see the cookie, “at first, it seemed like our resident pranksters, Lloyd and Jay, were the obvious suspects. However, they both had a strong alibi… It couldn’t have been them – they were right here in this room playing video games when the crime was committed.” he crossed over to Zane and Pixal, “next, my lovely assistants and I headed to the source of the cookie – the kitchen, in the hopes that someone there would know what had happened. Our ever-watchful ice ninja hadn’t seen anything suspicious. He stepped out for what, 15 minutes tops?”

“That is correct,” Zane nodded.

“He was getting Master Wu some tea because he was sick,” Kai explained, “more on that later. Pixal told us that Cole had come looking for tape while Zane was gone. We figured maybe he could give us some answers, so we headed for his room, and you know what we found in the wreath across the hall from his door?”

“That’s right,” Nya jumped in, though she still wasn’t sure how relevant it was, “The missing head!”

“Exactly. So obviously that must mean that Cole’s the culprit, right?” Jay and Lloyd looked at each other. Were they supposed to agree?

“Wrong! If he’d taken the cookie, he would’ve eaten the head right away, not hidden it. The only thing Cole was guilty of was stealing a bowl of frosting for a mid-morning snack. And that’s when it hit me. What kind of tea does Master Wu always drink when he’s sick?”

“Licorice?” Lloyd offered. Kai smiled triumphantly.

“Bingo. But when he asked Zane to bring him some tea, he asked for Oolong tea, which he never drinks when he’s sick because it tastes nasty with honey in it. Master Wu, you’re not really sick, are you?”

The elderly spinjitzu master smiled weakly at him, but did not deny the accusation.

“Here’s what happened: Master Wu asked Zane to bring him some tea because he knew it would distract him long enough for the real gingerbread prankster to put their plan into action. Knowing she only had a short amount of time, Pixal grabbed a cookie and snuck into my bedroom to plant it on me. She also hid the gingerbread man’s head in that wreath in case someone came looking for it later. She only barely made it back to the kitchen before Cole arrived.”

Skylor snapped her fingers, excitedly jumping in.

“I get it! When we showed up in the kitchen to ask Zane about the cookies, she told us about Cole because she knew we’d find the head and think it was him.”

“Exactly! And it would’ve worked, too, if the tea hadn’t made me suspicious. The only thing I haven’t figured out is why….” Kai paused, staring at them, “Why did you do this, guys?”

Wu stood and walked over to him.

“To put it simply, we wanted to help you overcome your phobia of gingerbread people. It gets in the way of you spending time with your family and friends every year. I know it wasn’t a very kind thing to do, but I honestly felt it would be worth it in the end to see you enjoy the holidays a bit more.” he admitted, placing a hand on Kai’s shoulder.

“And I do believe it worked!” Pixal added, “although you were certainly annoyed, you didn’t seem frightened at any point this morning.”

Kai made a funny face as he thought about everything that had happened. However misguided Pixal and Wu’s plan had been… he didn’t feel the disgust and terror he was used to when he looked at the gingerbread man in his hand anymore.

“You know, I think you’re right… don’t get me wrong, I’m still kinda irritated that you thought this was a good idea. But… thanks.” he told them. Out of all the holiday adventures Kai had had, he was pretty sure this was the strangest. Later that day, after they had finally eaten lunch (much to Cole’s relief), he had to smile when Zane didn’t hesitate to hand him a gingerbread man to decorate. He set to work carefully frosting it so they it resembled a detective with a trench coat and fedora, proudly displaying it with the rest when he was finished. It was nice to see that gingerbread people weren’t so bad after all. Ninja Noir would be proud.

Hopefully this ridiculous story made someone smile today :) it was literally so fun to come up with hehe

[betweengenesisfrogs]

The Future of This Blog: A Retrospective, Or: Dubiously Useful Notes on the Epilogues

Q: What’s next for this blog?

Q: Are you going to discuss the Epilogues?

A: Good questions!!!

The Epilogues may have killed me. They resemble two dogs who each put a sword through my chest and slew me with a Heroic death and a Just one, respectively. They are unfathomably powerful and should be feared by all. Genesis frogs lie destroyed in their wake.

I say this as someone who genuinely adores them and thinks they’re great. (For the most part, with a few frustrations and quibbles. I guess that’s Homestuck in a nutshell for you. ) I think they do amazing things.

I just don’t know what I want to say about them, or indeed, if I have anything to say.

Mainly, it’s that, as I suspected would happen, the landscape of Homestuck analysis has changed in their wake.

The original impetus for this blog, back in 2017, was that people were Wrong About Homestuck. People are still Wrong About Homestuck today, but in a totally different way, which I feel less equipped to engage with.

For the last few years, I think my primary motivation was to argue against what the Perfectly Generic Podcast has called “The It’s Not That Deep Crowd.” Those who saw Homestuck, especially Act 6, as meaningless random mess, or a failure born of creator laziness. My goal was to counter that by articulating the many themes and conceptual threads that give structure to Act 6 Homestuck, so that people would recognize how much is going on within it. In doing this, I grew to align myself with Team Homestuck is Good. I do think late Homestuck is much more good than bad, but in retrospect that wasn’t really what drove me. What drove me was frustration at the It’s Not That Deep Crowd (which was strongly aligned with Team Homestuck is Bad) for their refusal to engage with Homestuck, to recognize that it was trying to do specific, deliberate things. I would have welcomed someone saying that Homestuck ultimately failed, if they were willing to take on the complexity of that failure, but no one seemed to.

So I wrote a whole bunch of essays, some better than others, to try and get a sense of Homestuck’s thematic complexity out into the world somehow. I’d like to think I succeeded, though of course I wasn’t the only one.

Things are very different now, Post-Epilogues. The border lines of the fandom have totally shifted. First, the It’s Not That Deep Crowd have been pretty exhaustively refuted, in part because the Epilogues established from the get-go that, yes, we were indeed dealing with themes of metafiction, fandom, demiurgic oppression and personal potential. At the same time, many of those who were on Team Homestuck is Bad totally warmed to the Epilogues and returned to the fandom, while some part of those who were beating the drum for Homestuck is Good had a strongly negative reaction to the Epilogues, and now comprise Team Epilogue Bad.

I’m delighted by the former and wistful though not surprised about the latter. I’m just not sure how to engage with the new place we’re in. Previously, I felt I could explain things people didn’t understand, and help them more deeply appreciate Homestuck.

With the Epilogues, it’s more like: either you’re into it, or you’re not. There are things you have to think about quite a bit to understand, true, but I also think there are people who get what the Epilogues are going for and just don’t enjoy it.

Honestly? I find that completely understandable. As I alluded to above, the Epilogues carry an unfathomably powerful destructive, negative energy. They are meant as a provocation, a violent act of storytelling that Hussie codes Meat (okay, also Candy) and likes to do after a pause of any significant length. They deliberately tear down many of our hopes and dreams for these characters and offer a contrary opinion. I admire the audacity. I’m also completely sympathetic to being horrified by this.

The night the full epilogues came out, I finished them late in the evening and spent the whole night wrestling with a powerful, dark emotion. A kind of grief and awe and horror, all at the same time. It took me a long time to fall asleep, and when I slept, they were very uneasy dreams. In the weeks that followed, I remember thinking, over and over: I’m glad I gave this time to Homestuck, but I need a long, long break from it. I loved the Epilogues, but I don’t think I could ever read them again. I felt utterly full of Homestuck, and wanted not to write, think, or do anything more with it for a long time, until I finally digested the darn thing.

So, about how you’d feel if you gorged yourself on a hundred pounds of candy and raw meat in one night.

Others seem to have reported similar experiences. Dirk’s words about Detective Pony: a gripping, cathartic read, draining in the best way possible—these come to mind. I’m not surprised that fandom reactions have been so passionate, so overwhelmed, and so vehement.

So I find it harder to be critical of Team Epilogue Bad than Team Homestuck Bad. I think I understand exactly where they’re coming from. I may not see the Epilogues quite the same way, but I don’t really feel the need to tell these folks they’re wrong, either.

Weirdly, that means I don’t feel as strong a need to talk about the Epilogues. The ideas I wanted to put out there are out there. What there is to say about the Epilogues has already been said, by people who’ve said these things much better than I could. It feels like the community doesn’t need me anymore. My work here is done.

So I don’t know how much I’m going to continue writing here. This coincides with a drop-off in my internet activity in general and with me putting more effort into personal career goals. Plus, a break from Homestuck has felt like the right thing for the last month, and may be the right thing for a while.

Probably what’s most likely though, is that I keep reblogging the most interesting essays on Homestuck, and maybe offer my own opinion occasionally, in a much more scattershot, spur-of-the-moment way than before, if I feel like I have something to say.

I do have an additional short-ish Epilogue thought coming later today, for instance, so look forward to that.

The last thing I want to say here is: if you’ve chosen to declare the Epilogues non-canon, to erase them from your idea of Homestuck, and keep creating your own worlds, futures, and afterlives for these characters—

Not only do I support that, I think that might be precisely the point.

The Epilogues begin with a detailed discussion of the ambiguous and contested relationship they have to previous Homestuck canon, and are described as being “of dubious authenticity.” They are, explicitly, Homestuck fanfiction, while also being a continuation of the story. There’s really nothing else like them in literature. Sure, the Meat timeline is described as “canon” by merit of its connections to the Lord English story, but the bizarre, fanfic-like Candy timeline is entangled with it, as are all other possible realities. Ultimately the word canon ceases to mean “what is real within a given story” and becomes something far stranger and much more ambiguous.

How do we determine what’s real/canonical within Homestuck? It’s just as Rose teaches us: it’s what’s true, essential, and relevant. In other words, what is meaningful to us as readers. So, by definition, the Epilogues are as real as you want them to be.

I wrestled a lot with the discrepancy between the darkness of the Epilogues and the utopian, transcendent Gnostic themes that permeate Act 6 Homestuck. I think the answer is this: the utopia, the transcendence for these characters lie largely in what we, the readers imagine for them.

As writers and artists and fanfiction readers, we have always created the futures for these beloved characters, and that’s exactly what we’ll continue to do.

I mean, the Epilogues themselves are fanfiction, created by fans, presenting us with two very provocative AUs. It’s hard to get more fan-made than that.

It’s a nice way of solving the problem I alluded to here. Homestuck gets to have it both ways, and so do we.

I leave you with my favorite example of fan-created transcendence, The Pumpkin Path, currently available as a draft on OptimisticDuelist’s Patreon and hopefully everywhere soon.

If you’re interested in deepening your understanding of the Epilogues (love them or hate them), OptimisticDuelist and the Perfectly Generic Podcast continue to do amazing work carrying the Homestuck conversation into the future, and following them will connect you to a rich, thriving Homestuck interpretive community. For now, I’m more than happy to leave the conversation in their hands.

See you when I see you!

As always, thanks for playing.

<3 Ari

[ryuutchi]

Dearest Yulegoat [Mirrored Yuletide Letter] 

[General]

To start with, if you're writing fic for me, I love you. I'm going to be happy just to be able to share my fandom love with someone. You'll notice I throw a lot of ideas out-- feel free to take one, take many, take none. I know how hard it can be to settle on an idea once the assignments come in. So I'm offering a bunch of options that I will enjoy. None of these suggestions are hard and fast requirements. They're here to give you an idea of what's going on in my head and what my preferences look like. My current blog is ryuutchi, over on Tumblr. I can't promise it will be helpful, but in the interest of helping with the stalking process, feel free to check me out over there. I like: Plot, adventures, banter and dry humor, happy endings, over the top AUs (steampunk, noir, organized crime, rum-runners, harems...), casual physical intimacy, emotional interdependency, bad decisions and poor coping mechanisms, hurt/comfort and whump-with-comfort, loyalty and morality confusion, worldbuilding, identity porn, questionable healthy attachments, seeking out physical affection, accidentally caught feelings,  power-play, porn, gen, slash, femslash, het, any rating you feel comfortable with (for violence and/or sex), bittersweet things that are heavy on the sweet, Happily Ever After/Happily For Now endings I don't like: Deathfic, gratuitous angst, character-bashing, introspective character pieces, five times fics, mommy/daddy kink, A/B/O universes, contemporary social issues as the main focus/issuefic, sad or hopeless endings. (Also the standard DNWs: scat, watersports, necro, mpreg, homophobia, transphobia, etc) No Game No Life - Kamiya Yuu: Sora, Shiro The Series: They are both NEETs and Hikikomoris… but on the internet, the genius gamer siblings Sora and Shiro are known as the undefeatable “__” (blank). Sora and Shiro’s talents and skills are so abnormally good they are considered as urban legend.  One day, they are challenged by the god of games to chess and are victorious. As a result, the god summons them to Disboard, a reality which revolves around games. Intent on maintaining their reputation as the undefeated gamers, Sora and Shiro plan to conquer the sixteen ruling species and to usurp the god of games... NGNL is a series of light novels, of which 6 have been translated (PDFs can be found here, or bought legally at any online bookstore). The No Game No Life anime can be found on Crunchyroll here. Request: The fact that Shiro and Sora literally cannot be separated from each other is one of the dynamics that I like about the series. I really enjoy codependent siblings as a Thing. So I would be happy if you played with that dynamic. Plotty gen for this series would be great-- it's always fun when one of them is much better than the other or they have to separate and execute plans while relying solely on the intuition of what their sibling will do. Alternately, someone kidnapping Sora and Shiro having to play a game to get him back while they both battle their inability to get anything done alone... I'd love background on them, where they tried to separate or were forced to separate and failed to function, or where one or the other tried to interact with other people (maybe a gamer who tracked them down) but were either terrible at it, the other one quietly sabotaged the budding relationship,  or the third person got way too freaked out by the way Sora and Shiro act around each other. Future fic would also be great-- King/Queen Blank or even the Gods Blank, after they've beaten Tet. What does that look like? What kind of world are they making for themselves and each other? I ship them, but do not expect other people to, so if you want to write shippy fic (with aged up Shiro!!!) for them, I will be surprised but happy. I will happily admit to wanting kinky sex games. Extra Details: For reference, I've read through volume 8 of the light novel, watched the anime and the movie. I am not precious about spoilers for this series, so feel free to use later information. I know this series isn't everyone's cup of tea, with the sheer amount of fanservice and Sora's utterly otaku personality and the pseudo-incest thing with the 12 year old. Personally, as is probably obvious from the request, I'm less interested in the fanservicey characters, and much more about the dynamics of Shiro and Sora's relationship. I love the way they know exactly what the other is capable of and trust each other completely and whole-heartedly. Whether you write something small and domestic or big and plotty, for me the core of NGNL is that they love, care and respect each other in a way that is beautiful but also extremely unhealthy. If you want to go the shippy route, again, Shiro needs to be aged up appropriately-- it's always been interesting to me that Sora understands that it is inappropriate to sexualize his underage adopted sister, while Shiro goes out of her way to help sexualize other women for Sora's entertainment. There's a part of me that wonders if she's planning ahead for when she is old enough to be an "appropriate" (in age, if nothing else) sexual partner and is trying to get Sora to lose his virginity ahead of time. selector infected WIXOSS: Aoi Akira, Igarashi Rumi | UlithThe Series: WIXOSS is a popular trading card game in which players battle against each other with fighters known as LRIGs, using cards to support them. Certain LRIGs are able to communicate with their owners, and the girls chosen to wield them are known as "Selectors". Selectors are given the chance to have any wish granted by winning battles against other Selectors, but should they lose three times, their wish will be reversed into a curse instead. The main series, selector infected WIXOSS, follows a girl named Ruko Kominato, who becomes a Selector after receiving an LRIG that she names Tama. As she and various other Selectors battle it out for the sake of their wish, Ruko finds herself drawn into the dark, sinister world of WIXOSS, discovering that, win or lose, there is always a price to pay. The anime can be found on Funimation here Request: So, you know how in my "general likes" I said I don't like "gratuitous angst"? In this fandom, there is no such thing as "gratuitous". Darkfic is absolutely welcome here. The thing I am most interested in here is the manipulative, awful relationship that Akira has with Ulith-as-Iona. Like, I love them all, and for some reason in this fandom, that comes out to "please break them". Exploring their adult lives and how their relationships and the Wixoss game affected them in the future would be amazing. What else happened to them? What are their careers like? What are their home lives like? Are they... living together? Does some sort of magic continue to be a theme in their lives? Feel free to write in-universe plot or no-powers universe, or some horrible Madoka or Yurikuma Arashi  or other magical girl thing, where they can all be horribly manipulative lesbians together because that's magical and wonderful. OTOH, if you want to write codependent-but-vaguely-functional adult Akira and Iona/Ulith being horrible assholes and having adventures of some sort (magic, detectives, idk) that is ALSO A+. I mean, I like happy endings, and if you can come up with something heartwarming (or "heartwarming") I'm not going to complain. Extra Details: Evil lesbians are Problematic, I know. But Akira was one of my favorite characters from the word go and (if you're paying attention to my fandoms as a whole) I really really like codependent or unhealthy relationships. I love her love/hate relationship with Iona and with Ulith, and the way those two characters sort of get mixed up for Akira specifically. If you want to play with Iona and Ulith's personalities and interactions as well, that would also be pretty fun. I'm also down for other types of AUs, like they have to get their shit together and track down someone who is killing Selectors, or they become selectors as adults and not girls. I know they're young, but given that this is a super-fucking dark canon, I am totally cool with dubiously consensual sex either on or off-screen. FANDOM: Yoroiden Samurai Troopers | Ronin Warriors (Shuu Rei Fuan | Kento Rei Fang, Mouri Shin | Cye Mouri) The Series: Ronin Warriors, known in Japan as Yoroiden Samurai Troopers (lit. "Legendary Armor Samurai Troopers"), is a Japanese anime series and manga adaptation created by Hajime Yatate. It's the story of five teenage boys, given mystical armor to protect the world from the evil Arago. 1000 years ago, Arago nearly succeeded in taking over the human world when Kaosu managed to defeat him. Although Arago's soul is banished to the demon world, his armor is left intact. Kaosu divided the armor into nine separate armor suits. Each armor will choose its bearer, and together they will fight Arago. At least that was the original intent... Although Arago manages to corrupt four sets of the armor, the last five remain safe. It's a bit like Power Rangers, only grounded in more serious traditional Japanese cultural trappings. Being created in the 80s, the art style is a little wonky, but it's an enjoyable thriller and is somewhat more focused and serious than a lot of sentai shows. The anime can be found on Crunchyroll here Request: I love Shuu/Shin with Shin being snarktastic and Shuu being smug and solid and dependable. I used to frequent the Minkland archive back when this fandom still kinda existed, and was forever disappointed that the skinny pretty boys got tons and tons of fic and Shuu was just sort of there in the background. (If you used to read Mink and Jink's fic, I will be so happy I could cry if I got that sort of cracked-out porny fic with Shuu, okay. Due to that formative influence, if you want to GO FOR THE AU, GO FOR IT WITH GUSTO. I've always wanted nanshoku/samurai AU. Or, you know, hooker fic, or dark!troopers fic, or harem fic or something like that. I also like found-family fic, gen-ish mysteries and adventures-- more fighting Massive Cosmic Evil, and curtainfic. Futurefic is also awesome, where they get on with their lives, maybe together or maybe trying to keep their friendships intact when there's no massive Cosmic Evil to keep them close. Extra Details: If you used to read Mink and Jink's fic, I will be so happy I could cry if I got that sort of cracked-out porny, possibly AU fic with Shuu, okay Fics I especially enjoyed from that archive: The Grand One The Clit Club Chronicles The Harem Vinyl Wagashi Cherry Zima Threesome Theater of Magic Due to that formative influence, if you want to GO FOR THE AU, GO FOR IT WITH GUSTO. I've always wanted nanshoku/samurai AU (see this image). Or, you know, hooker fic, or dark!troopers fic, or harem fic or something like that. My usual ships are Shin/Shuu, Shin/Ryo, Touma/Seiji and Ryo/Nasuti. But I multiship and am willing to run with anything-- I'm a Sex With All Teammates sort of person, so fivesomes and alternate pairings are not a problem for me. Dragon Prince Trilogy - Melanie Rawn: Ianthe of Princemarch, Sioned of River Run The Series: To blatantly steal someone else's review on Amazon: "Melanie Rawn created a world and a people that gives everything you could possibly want in a fantasy world. It gives love, hate, peace, war, magic, royalty, commoners, children to take over the next generation and best of all; dragons." I want to say "if this wasn't the matched fandom you should go out and read them right the fuck now', because I have read these books So Many Times.  They're high fantasy novels about politics and the prince of a desert and magical people who communicate via sunlight and can conjure fire. AND DRAGONS. Also a lot of interpersonal and romantic maneuverings. It's a high fantasy politics and romance romp of somewhere ~550 pages. If that sounds interesting to you, pretty much every used bookstore I have ever been to has at least one copy of these books. I think they spawn on bookshelves or something. The books are also available in ebook form here (Kindle) and here (Nook) for 3 bucks. Please read them. (TW for rape in the first book) The Request: I love everything this series chooses to be. It's fun and cheesy and fantasy, which the best thing in the world. I've always thought that Ianthe had a serious hate-crush on Sioned and part of the reason she was so vicious and fucked up was that whole "you must marry a guy and expand the empire or your useless" thing when maybe she didn't want to do that. Ianthe's always been one of my favorite characters because she's brilliant and ruthless and clearly takes joy in clever plans that go well. Of course, being the villain in a cheesy fantasy, she got no depth whatsoever, aside from that whole sexually liberated, taking male consorts thing (which is AWESOME, okay.) Sioned is also awesome and brilliant and kick ass. Her hesitance in the first book while she decided what she really wanted to do was pretty great, as was the fact that she promptly made friends with Tobin and pretty much every character not designated "villain". It seems like up through Ianthe's death, they're playing a game of brinkmanship. (Which isn't to say I don't like Sioned and Rohan together. They're bookTP and totally awesome.) As for prompts, I normally prefer plotty fic to introspection. I feel like the whole sunrunner thing lends itself well to espionage, so political thriller, or murder mysteries or something would be great. If you want to do plot-what-plot involving these two-- either sex or just the sort of dancing around/pigtail pulling that would be great. Threesomes with Rohan-- also acceptable! Hell, if you want to do an AU where they end up together instead of Sioned marrying Rohan-- or alternately, an AU end to the trilogy, where Ianthe never died in the fire and ends up taking over as High Princess and making the Desert monarchs' lives hell and discovering her powers. Or something where she knew about her powers all along. Or Sioned, I don't know, realizing she kind of did think Ianthe was attractive. I also really enjoy Pandsala, but I didn't find her dynamic with Sioned and Rohan quite as engaging, even though she also did some bad-ass stuff in the long run. Her weird push and pull backstabby, politicized sisterly thing was interesting, though. Extra Details: Okay, like I said, I think this series is the cheesiest fantasy series in the WORLD and in a lot of ways it's one of my first nostalgia fandoms. If you haven't read them, they are kind of ridiculously long (Like, GRR Martin-long), but they're quick reads despite that and rather less depressing than a lot of high fantasy. It's silly in the way that "adult fantasy" that takes itself way too seriously can be. A lot of the main protagonists actively enjoy each others' company and that's as much integral to the book as the politics and dragon-slaying. That said, I kinda asked for a semi-serious plotty story. But if you want to run with the "it's cheesy fantasy" and want to write about Ianthe rescuing princesses or Sioned running away to be a knight and abducting Ianthe away from her toxic father, or something silly, I say get down with your nerd self and run with it. I've only read parts of the second trilogy, and the second generation aren't really very interesting to me. If you want to write future-fic, I would prefer that it continues to focus on the original generation (no matter how much I love Andry, Pol just seems like kind of a jerk).

House of M - New X-Men: Academy X: Any The Series: I'm surprised it took me so long to nominate and request this fandom. I love New X-Men and was GUTTED when Decimation forced them into killing off so many of the characters. If you've never read it, New X-Men: Academy X was an X-Man title in the mid-00's, focusing on entirely new students at Xavier's Academy, being taught by the more established characters. Some of the New X-Men have managed to escape and become general Marvel characters in their own rights (David Alleyne, for example), but for the most part, they were just teenagers at school who rarely got caught up in larger plots. 616 New X-Men were about teenagers fighting, and coming to grips with the fact that they're being raised and taught to go sacrifice themselves for a Greater Goal. They're all wonderfully, horribly traumatized teenagers with powers. The plots were fleshed out and realistic, and when they weren't they were still interesting or fun. This request isn't technically for that. It's for the House of M megacrossover from 2009. Wanda Maximoff, mutant reality shifter and sometimes-crazy-lady, decided that mutants should run the world. SO THEY DID. And suddenly the lives of our young students become very different. Half of them after still "New Mutants", working towards peace, and the others are "Hellions", SHIELD trainees in a violently anti-homo-sapien state system. I've always felt that House of M as a narrative concept has been dismissed too easily by Marvel fans, because there are so many pieces of worldbuilding left unbuilt. I'm most interested in seeing it from the eyes of younger participants who are being trained or have been trained for their places. What does that world look like? New X-Men: Academy X can be found online here: https://viewcomics.me/comic/new-x-men-2004. The House of M crossover runs for issues 16-19. The Request: There's a lot here to play with because the authors never really got to play in either the Academy X OR the House of M sandboxes long enough to do all of their ideas justice. So I'm going to lay out some of the stuff I liked most about NXM in general and HoM in particular. The nom is for HoM, but I think HoM is most interesting in conversation with the standard 616 universe, alongside having the fun YA action stuff and the complicated interpersonal relationships. For example: in 616 Josh joined the Reavers and pretended not to be a mutant until he was confronted with Laurie nearly dying. I can imagine a bunch of different scenarios for House of M that would lead to where we see Josh and Laurie in the HoM comics (Laurie undercover with the New Mutants, and Josh working as an interrogator alongside Kevin). Laurie's introversion in 616 juxtaposed against her brazen treachery and clear control over her skills in HoM. HoM shows Kevin in a full decontamination suit, but we know in 616 that his ability is blocked by wearing synthetic fibers (I imagined this to be a interrogator scare tactic, but it could be any number of other things). Kevin and Josh's relationship in 616 is fraught, especially with Josh's previous experiences with anti-mutant activists and the fact that Kevin killed his father when his powers manifested. But they seemed to work together well in HoM. And speaking of Kevin-- how did his powers manifesting actually pan out in a universe where mutants aren't seen as a threat? I have to wonder whether there's some concept of "acceptable casualties" because some peoples' powers clearly manifest first in dangerous situations. Alternatively: Fluffy Josh/Kevin with a backdrop of torture, murder and state violence. I ship mostly Josh/Kevin because rivals-to-lovers and boy-who-kills-anything-he-touches/boy-who-cannot-be-killed is Great For Me. I also love the abuse of powers and manipulation involved in being interrogators/torturers(/murderers?) for the House of Magneto. They work together, they hurt people together, but maybe they also... smooch? THAT SAID! Adding Laurie to that ship is always a great way to fuck up and destabilize them! Especially in HoM, where we know she's already keeping secrets and can and WILL use her pheromones to fuck with people. And David! OH, DAVID. The only real New Mutant in this request. Does he have previous relationships with Josh and/or Kevin? I don't mind David/Noriko, but I also ship David with Kevin and Josh, and also Tommy and Teddy from Young Avengers, if you feel like exploring other parts of the HoM world. I have never considered David/Laurie before, but if you want to give it a whirl, I'm down. As for David-- His responses to state violence (as evidenced by the Hellions and SHIELD) are clearly different from the rest of the requested characters, and it would be interesting to explore David and his experience of this universe. Are his powers still restrained the same way? I know he supposedly dies at the end of the HoM mini-arc, but we never see them die, so feel free to write David managing to crawl off and plan to take down everything and everyone. A specific DNW for this fandom is Josh/Rahne. I don't mind the relationship having existed and impacting the characters, but only as a past relationship.

Extra Details:

SENSORY DETAILS. When it comes to magic and meta powers-- especially ones that aren't battle-oriented-- is what they feel like. What does it MEAN for David to be able to know anything someone else knows? What does the emptiness and fullness of it do to him? Josh's powers are all tactile and his body actively changes after trauma (in 616, first by turning him gold, then by creating black spots on his skin after he kills someone for the first time). Does his power always alter him, but usually in unnoticeable ways? What can he know and feel from a touch? Same for Kevin-- does withering sate a hunger, or make him feel worse? What would it feel like if he touched Josh? And Laurie... I'd love both her thought-process and the sensory details of what she's doing. Can she smell her own pheromones? Do they ever affect her? What does she feel like when she's manipulating people so subtly that they barely notice a passing smell? If you want to bring in other 616 knowledge and see what it looks like in HoM, that's cool. So is bringing in other HoM storylines. There's a throw-away line in Luke Cage's HoM crossover that the Runaways are known as an organized crime group. Cage himself runs a resistence cell (and given the end of the NXM crossover, David seems like he'd be willing to throw in with that lot). Young Avengers, the other New X-Men who weren't given much screentime in the HoM crossover-- I'd love any of that. Young Justice (Comics): Match, Tim Drake

The Series: Comics are confusing! This request is for the late-90s version of Young Justice by Peter David, which consisted of Robin, Impulse, Superboy, Arrowette, Secret, and Wonder Girl, along with others. It's very much a young-heroes-trying-to-make-their-way. Unlike the newer show, this Young Justice tended to be left on their own without much of a guiding hand. It was a very 90s comic, with very 90s fashion and a lot of nod-nod-wink-wink in-jokes. I love it because it's a series that always wore its humor on its sleeve. It's an affectionate look at young superheroes, and allowed them to react to teen problems alongside the more standard superhero tropes. There's the possibility for angst and darkness (and once they graduated to Teen Titans especially, that came up more), but they were allowed to be both hurt and upset AND fun and cheerful. The comics weren't available collected until last year (it took them TWENTY YEARS JFC), and it's well-worth buying from your local retailer, but you can also find them online here. The character I'm requesting first appeared in Superboy's solo series (starting in issue #35), which can be found here and again in the first volume of Young Justice: Sins of Youth. The Request: SO! I have always loved Match in the original YJ and Superboy comics, and the writers gave him really short shrift. We have a clone of Kon, who is as smart, if not smarter, can pretend to be Kon for extended periods of time— but every time he tries, people get hurt or die. I’ve always wondered how Tim felt that he literally couldn’t tell his best friend from an imposter. And then Match went and ran off and disappeared and no one ever seemed to consider what he was doing, after thousands of his/Kon’s siblings/clones were murdered essentially in front of him and the Agenda fell apart. (I’m not entirely surprised that Kon didn’t pay attention to all of those clones of him dying, but think about it from the standpoint of someone for whom those were supposed to be an army of his siblings. What a way to get survivor’s guilt.) Did Match go to Lex? It doesn’t seem like it, but given that as Kon’s clone, he’s technically Lex’s son too, it’s a possibility. Or alternately! He got himself out of the superhero game and did something else! What was it? I’d also love for a story about him wanting to be a super and have that family that Kon and Clark have, but being shut out of that world because he’s a “villain”. Or him getting that family after so long. Or him showing up at the Kents’ place because “fuck it, if Kon can have this, so can I” and it goes… well or poorly, depending on you. Or him finding his own family in a place that is separate from the who superhero thing, and Kon or Tim or Clark stumbling on him. Or Lex trying to use him— whether or not it works is up to you, although I’d love for it to touch on Match’s need to be part of something larger— after all, he was built and trained to be the vanguard for an army that was summarily murdered in front of him. Tim's refusal to even vaguely hint about his real identity during this time is fun too-- we have two boys who are both hiding their identities in different ways. It makes me wonder if Tim COULD have figured Match out, if the Sins of the Youth plotline didn't happen or was delayed somehow, because he seems to have all of the pieces of information. Or maybe Match-as-Kon was the only person Tim revealed part of his real name too, and has to deal with the ramifications of trust. Actually, Tim and the Issues Of Trust is the YA novel that I'd love to see Tim and Match (and Kon and the rest of YJ) star in. Bring back Mr Sarcastic (PLEASE bring back Mr Sarcastic) and Alvin Draper. Bring back the way that Tim hides by burrowing under identities and performances, and collects information on everyone he knows. I love detective stories and, out of all the Bats, Tim has always struck me as one of the best actual detectives, rather than crime-fighters. So Tim getting lost in a mystery will always make me happy. There's also something interesting about a group of young teens fighting for their own autonomy and identity. At this point in Tim's story, I think he was still thinking of the Robin thing as almost an extracurricular, and probably grappling with how hard it is on him physically, as well as mentally. So, I guess struggling for a coherent snse of self and agency are really interesting touchstones in this fandom. ALSO, MY DEEPLY HELD RARE PAIR FROM THE 90s: Tim/Match! See above, re: Match being present for Identity Crisis instead of Kon. I’d love Match to be trying to follow Kon’s footsteps re: Cassie, and being way more into Tim, which leads to Tim being confused and into Kon. Also any of the above prompts can include Tim (maybe Tim tries to help cushion a meeting between Match and Kon or Clark! Or maybe he just ends up Match’s sugar daddy. I’m down.) Although this request is ripe for dubious identity weirdness with Match pretending to be Kon, I'd really prefer that you focus on Match getting to be his own person, even if there's some pretending-to-be-Kon in there. Extra Details: This has been a lowkey love of mine for literally decades. My absolute favorite gift of all time was original pages from one of the Superboy issues where Match appears for the first time. And as I've grown older, my love for this rare, obscure character has deepened. Also, as I've grown older, I've begun to want more adult!Match, or growing up!Match just because the idea of growing up in the margins of superhero culture after everything that happened to him is really interesting. He was straight-up groomed and brainwashed, and then the Agenda was gone, so how did he cope? What is he doing now? What kind of adult does he make? This request is specifically for the mid-90s comic, so feel free to stick to that. But if you read the 2010-era Teen Titans and want to explore some later story choices-- like Match becoming Bizarro-like, Slade making him part of Titans East, or his fear that Jericho would hurt the Titans in his body, or save Match from Superboy-Prime, I'm not going to complain. (Personal headcanon time: I think Slade was trying to mind control Match with the same stuff he used on Rose, and it caused the Bizarro-like symptoms). I also love Elseworlds and mirror!verse stuff too. As I've said elsewhere in the letter, I really prefer Happily Ever After/Happily For Now stuff, and I prefer my bittersweet fics heavy on the sweetness. Please give Match the love and affection he's always deserved. But also, please feel free to make both Match and Tim HURT first.

[thestarandskullshow]

BigBang Reacting To You Trying To Cook For Them But Messing Up

Hi! Love your work 💕 Could you possibly make a reaction to accidently buying the wrong snacks of BIGBANG members? Or maybe trying to impress them with a dish and messing it up?

A/N: This one made me laugh a little as I wrote it, because I could see a few of these things happening to myself. I hope you enjoy! p.s. The Recipes for the food mentioned here will be linked at the bottom of the post!

G-Dragon:

Your boyfriend was coming home from his solo tour tomorrow, and you wanted to surprise Jiyong with his favorite dish to welcome him home. The recipe for Ganjang-Gejang seemed simple enough, put the live crabs in the freezer for two hours, boil the marinade, clean the crabs, then marinate for 24 hours. No problem. Or so you thought. You had ended up taking the crabs out too soon, and instead of staying “asleep” like they were supposed to, they woke up while you were trying to clean them. You started panicking, trying to use the knife in your hand to usher the crabs into a pot, but one of them gripped the blade of the knife in its claw. Now trying to shake it off of the knife and into the pot, you didn’t notice when your front door opened and your boyfriend stepped in a day earlier than planned. Seeing the commotion unfolding in front of him, Jiyong couldn’t help but start to laugh, “Jagi what on earth are you doing? Why are you fighting a crab over a knife?” After you got over the initial shock of him being home early, you glared at him and insisted he help you with the situation. The two of you tamed the crabs, with you feeling utterly defeated and Jiyong feeling very thoroughly entertained. “Next time, let me help you make it okay?”

T.O.P:

Seunghyun had texted you twenty minutes ago saying he was on his way home from work, so you had immediately jumped on your dinner plan. Now, fifteen minutes later, you were still struggling to roll even one full Tekkamaki. Something seemed to go wrong each time you tried, either there was too much rice, or the nori tore apart, every roll came out wrong. You were down to your last sheet of nori, and your last bit of sanity. You carefully spread the rice, then layered the tuna gently on top of that. Taking a deep breath, you slowly started to roll up the bamboo mat, mentally crossing your fingers that this would be the one. So far so good, you thought, as you kept a slow but steady pace to ensure the nori didn’t tear. Your concentration was at an all new high when the door suddenly opened, and your boyfriends deep voice boomed happily throughout the apartment, causing you to jump in surprise. “Jagiya! I’m home! How was your day toda…” Seunghyun’s voice trailed off when he saw you standing perfectly still, staring down at the countertop. He took a few steps closer and saw the various failed tekkamaki surrounding you, along with the final one sat in front of you. The sudden surprise had caused you to bump the bamboo mat, and the roll broke apart before you could finish it. Seunghyun saw your hands trembling, and your eyes brimming with tears that were threatening to spill any second. He gently pulled you to face him, his warm hands enveloping yours reassuringly. “Jagiya. Listen, this isn’t the end of the world. Let’s go buy more ingredients. We can do this together okay?” You nodded silently, bringing your hand up to wipe your eyes as Seunghyun pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

Taeyang:

Youngbae had asked you to pick something for dinner tonight. Remembering his favorite thing to eat out with you was Yakiniku, you decided to try your hand at making the sauce for it from scratch. You had gone to the store and bought everything the recipe called for, along with the meat, vegetables, and a small tabletop grill. You rushed home to start on the sauce, since it had to refrigerate for about half a day. Once you got home, you set to work on the sauce, making sure you did everything just right. As you were measuring out the second tablespoon of soy sauce into the pot, your phone rang. Glancing at your phone screen you saw it was your mother, and you quickly accepted the call. That was your first mistake, because though you missed your mom, she kept you on the phone for an hour. By the time you finally got her to hang up, you had forgotten you had already added two out of three tablespoons of soy sauce. You started measuring it out again, adding three tablespoons of the dark liquid to the pot. Everything else went without incident, you got the sauce into the fridge, and texted Youngbae that dinner might be a little later than planned. About half an hour before the sauce would be done, you set up the tabletop grill and started slicing the meat and vegetables. Youngbae waltzed through the door as you were setting the table, a single red rose in his hand and a dazzling smile on his face. Upon seeing your culinary handiwork, he bounced happily on the balls of his feat and kissed your cheek enthusiastically when handing you the flower. “Ah! My Jagi made my favorite tonight! What a lucky man I am!” You laughed as the two of you sat down to start grilling. Youngbae discussed his days events as you served him the first slices of meat, but his words quickly died when he dipped the meat into the sauce and took his first taste. His face twisted up in a very unconvincing smile before he set his chopsticks down and looked you in your eyes. “y/n.. How much soy sauce did you add..?” The realization of your mistake dawned on you then, and you started apologizing profusely to your boyfriend. “Yah, y/n, Its okay. Maybe next time, add extra Sake instead, that would be more fun.” Youngbae laughed, reaching across the table and taking your hand reassuringly. 

Daesung:

It had been three weeks into your relationship when you saw Daesung mention in an interview that his favorite food was Sushi. You decided then and there that you wanted to treat him to his favorite food when he came over that weekend. You had picked a few simple types of sushi to try, Salmon Nigiri, Spicy Tuna Rolls, and Vegetable Rolls. Everything started fine, until one problem arose after another. Your knife wasn’t sharp enough to slice the fish properly. When you started to search for your knife sharpener you somehow knocked the open bottle of rice vinegar into the sink. You undercooked the rice, unevenly sliced the vegetables and fish, and over toasted the sesame seeds. The rice refused to properly stick together, and you tore at least half of the nori sheets when trying to roll the sushi. You looked around your mess of a kitchen, feeling your eyes watering with frustration. How could you have failed so badly? These were supposed to be easy, yet you had somehow managed to mess up at least one aspect of each type of sushi. Hot tears spilled down your cheeks just as you heard a familiar knock on your door. Wiping your face quickly, you took a deep breath before striding over and opening the door. Daesung’s kind smile greeted you, but when he saw your lower lip tremble, he pulled you against his chest. “Whatever is wrong Jagi, we can get through it together okay? I’m here for you. Just breathe.” You let out a soft noise of disbelief and turned to gesture at your kitchen, asking him how he planned to fix that mess. Daesung hummed in thought for a moment, then ruffled your hair gently. “Okay, y/n. I’m going to clean up the kitchen, so go take a shower or something to help you relax. I’ll have this fixed before you know it.” You sighed, nodded once, then went and did as you had been instructed. You emerged from your bedroom thirty minutes later in a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, to find the kitchen spotless, Daesung lounging on our couch, and a handful of take out boxes sitting on your coffee table. “I know you wanted to make it yourself, but I think tonight we can just have take out.”

Seungri:

You and Seungri were having a night in, since he had somehow scored the whole weekend off from work, the two of you wanted to spend as much time together as possible. Tonight you had planned a simple meal, a ground beef and rice bowl, with a movie to follow. Seungri didn’t seem to want to leave you alone in the kitchen, constantly peeking in on you just to say hello or claiming he just missed your face. You would laugh and shoo him away every time, telling him to go busy himself so you could cook in peace. As you were measuring out the sesame oil, you felt your boyfriends arms suddenly snake around your waist. You jump a little, thanking the universe that the sesame oil didn’t spill over the measuring spoons edge. You playfully smack Seungri’s hands away from your waist, insisting he won’t eat tonight if he keeps up his antics. Seungri holds up his hands defensively as he backs out of the kitchen once more, a barely detectable smirk tugging at his lips. You set to work finally getting the meat into a pan to cook, after a few minutes you poured the liquid mixture over the meat and set it to simmer down. You started dividing the rice into the two bowls you had set aside for the two of you, humming the tune to Seungri’s part in “Bae Bae”, the song having been stuck i your head all day. Seungri’s voice startled you as his hands came around your waist once more, pulling you back against him as he sang the lyrics quietly against your neck. “I'm a man who's holding a pretty flower, A man who's holding a flower called you, who everyone loves..” You smiled and leaned back into his embrace, letting your eyes drift closed. Seungri’s lips danced gracefully across your skin as he began to sway in time with the lyrics. “I'm drunk with your scent, getting hazy again. Don't get plucked away please..” The world seemed to fade away, all that was left was the feeling of his body pressed to yours, and the voice of the man you loved enveloping you with warmth. That is, until you smelled something burning. Your eyes flew open, and you scrambled back toward the stovetop to take the meat off of the burner. You stirred it carefully, examining the damage. Thankfully only a small portion had started to burn, but that didn’t stop you from throwing Seungri a nasty glare. He quickly retreated to the living room, giving you a moment to think.  You handed your boyfriend his bowl a few minutes later, and sat down beside him with a loving smile. You watched him eagerly dig in to his favorite dish, only for his face to fall as he tasted what you had done. Your loving smile quickly turned near sinister as Seungri realized you had put the portion of burnt meat in his bowl, along with extra sesame oil. He apologized for the next week straight, hoping you’d never “poison” him again.

Recipes: GD: Ganjang Gaejang (crab preserved in soy sauce) TOP: Tuna Sushi Taeyang: Yakiniku (grilled meat dishes) Daesung: Sushi Seungri: Bowl of Rice and Beef

[ellana-ravenwood]

“BATMAN IS NEVER JEALOUS” - Bruce Wayne x Reader

#5. “Who the fuck is this guy!? “My brother….” “Sure! Sure he is!”

Here we go for jealous Bruce Wayne, because that’s what this prompt inspired me to write. Boom, hope you’ll like it I’m a bit unsure about this one, feedbacks are welcome : 

You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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Damian was a bit confused. Usually, on patrol, they would like...do things. Catch criminals. Stop bank robberies. Save widows and orphans.

Yes, Damian was utterly confused as to why tonight, his father and him were following...his mom. Not Talia. You. He never considered Talia his mother, he came to that realization the first time you made him hot cocoa and cookies after he had a rough day, and just...talked to him. Asked him how he was feeling. Just genuinely cared for him, something Talia Al’Ghul never did. 

She was his mother, but you were his mommy. 

And so, tonight, as he was jumping from a building to another, following you through the dark street of Gotham, he wasn’t really sure what was going on. 

Oh my God...Were you a criminal ? Was he going to loose you because his father was going to put you behind bars ? But he loves you ! How could he ? 

If it came to that, Damian decided that he would fight his dad, giving you enough time to escape. Yes. He would save you. There was no way he was letting his mommy go in prison, no matter what she did...

His father was talking to Dick about something happening in North Gotham. He then proceeded to call Tim to ask him to go to the docks join Jason because some big drug deal was going on...And once again, Damian wondered why they were tracking you instead of taking care of the real issues. 

He looked down in the street, you were at a small cafe, ordering a huge cup of coffee, that he knew was probably the blackest beverage ever. You liked it that way. But that’s it. You were getting coffee. Sure it was 10:30 pm but like, you couldn’t always just stay at the Manor right ? You’d be bored ! 

Besides, you were a writer, you often came to get coffee at night with your notebook, you always said it brought you lots of inspiration (he loved your stories, and was your number one beta reader). 

It wasn’t an unusual thing for you to be out, getting coffee (even if Gotham was dangerous at night, you knew how to defend yourself thanks to your Husband’s training, and besides, one of your sons kinda always had an eye on you anyway...just to be sure), so again, why were they here ? Why weren’t they on the docks, with Tim and Jason, to fight some real criminals ? 

Bruce refused to let Damian patrol alone so far, which is why he was with him, but usually, he’d explain what was going on you know ? Not able to contain himself anymore, Damian asked : 

-Father...why are we spying on mom ? 

The Batman gave him a sideway glance and grumbled. 

-We’re not “spying” on her. 

-Really ? Because I’m pretty sure following someone around for hours, and then looking at them through binoculars as they’re just getting some coffee is “spying”. 

Bruce turns to face his son, and he’s about to say something, until he realizes he’s right. Yeah. Ok. He’s spying on his wife. But he has reasons for that ! However, it doesn’t seem like he has any intentions of telling said reasons to his son, and he goes back to looking at you. 

Damian scoffs and groans (like father like son), and sits on the edge of the building, arms crossed, sighing often just to piss his father off, and force him to explain what was going on. Cause right now, all he could see was his mom enjoying a warm cup of coffee while writing her next novel ! 

Your husband is good at ignoring people. Hell, he’s great, and Damian’s constant fidgeting do not even phase him. You however, it’s another story...

Damn you’re beautiful. The way you move your pen on the paper of your notebook. When you bring your cup of coffee to your lips...Your lips. One of his favorite feature of you. And as often when you were around, his thoughts started to drift to you, your lips on his, and your body against...His heart stops. 

Here he is. 

That bastard. 

He comes in the cafe as if nothing, and goes to you. 

He dares to interrupt you while you’re writing ! His hand goes to rest gently on your shoulder !! Bruce’s heart skip another beat when he sees your face brighten as you take the sight of that damn bastard in. His blood boils in his veins when you stand up, and kiss the guy on the cheek, and it’s worst when his filthy lips lingers on your cheek !

Damian shifts next to his father, having seen the stranger too, and turns to face his dad, a questioning look on his face. 

-Who’s he ?

-An asshole that’s what he is. 

The boy knows the situation is somewhat serious because his father swore. He only did that when troubled or angry.

-Care to explain ? I’m confused. 

-This is an adult...thing. 

Damian rolls his eyes. He guessed that it was kinda cute of his father not to want to involve him in the business between you and him, but...he starts to understand what’s going on, and he simply doesn’t believe it. 

You’d never do that. You loved his dad way too much to ever do something like that. Just like he was sure that he would never do something like that to you either. It just simply wasn’t...you. 

You two were sickeningly in love. You always had to touch each other in some way when you were in the same room, unable to control yourselves. It often grossed Damian and his brothers out to see you guys together (you can read the fic this is referencing to here : “My parents are gross...ly in love”). 

It just didn’t make sense that you’d cheat on his father. 

Or maybe you were an incredible actress and was pretending everything ? But...That meant that you were pretending to love him too right ?

No, Damian refused to believe it. It couldn’t be...It was just too painful to even think about it...And he could see that his father wasn’t really doing well either, probably thinking about all of that too. 

Probably thinking the same thing than him...Was her love real ? Or was it all fake ? Has she been pretending to love him all those years ? Or maybe...she stopped loving him ? She wasn’t in love with him anymore ?

Jaw clenched, Bruce was observing his wife and that...guy. Imagining the worst, trying to hold himself together because if all of what he was thinking was true, his heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

Your youngest son disliked seeing his loved one worried, sad, etc etc...he had to try to say something to make his father feel a bit better : 

-I don’t think that’s what you think it is, father. 

-Mm ? 

-I don’t think mom is cheating on you...

-How...what...you...How...

-I’m not an idiot you know ? After all, I’m the son of the greatest detective in the World. I know what you’re thinking, and I think you’re wrong. She’d never do that. 

-That’s what I thought too and yet, here we are. 

-We don’t know what...this is. 

-It surely seems like a date to me.

His father’s voice was but a whisper, and the boy knew he wouldn’t get anything out of him in that state, he wouldn’t convince him of anything. 

He thought you were on a date with that guy. 

To Damian’s eyes though, there was nothing suspicious, you and the stranger seemed to just talk, like old friends. You looked a bit...shy though. Like, uncomfortable sometimes. He climbed on the building’s ledge to be able to scrutinize you better, just as you raised your head...he was pretty sure that you saw him, as your face went from a wide smile to a frown. 

Bruce pulled his son down, but it was too late. 

Damian could see you say something to the man through his binoculars, and he thought he could read “Excuse me for a second Alex” on your lips. 

You came outside, and raised your head up towards them. He knew you saw them through the window ! What an incredible eye sight ! Though, maybe a kid wearing a bright red, yellow and green suit wasn’t that difficult to spot if you were looking his way...

Gesturing with your head to the nearest alleyway, you went in, and, after another litany of swear words from Bruce, your husband and son sneaked in it discreetly after you, making sure no one saw them. 

******************

You look distress when they come in, and as a reflex, you take your youngest son in your arms, automatically making sure he’s alright. You cup his cheek and turn his head every way, sighing of relief when you see he does not have any wounds. You ruffle his hair and proceed to go to your husband, but reflexively he takes a step back...Which is unusual. What was going on ?

In Bruce’s head, the images of you and that guy roamed his every thoughts. All of this seemed so much like a date, and if it was, what was going to happen to him ? He could never find someone else like you, he knew it. Besides, he didn’t want someone else, even if like you. He wanted you, only you, always...Your voice brings him back to reality :

-What are you doing here guys ? Is something wrong ? Please don’t tell me on a of the boy...

-Boys are fine. 

His voice is cold. Harsh. Even with his voice modulator you can hear it. It’s not like him to be like this toward you. In fact, most of the time, his tone is warm, and loving...You’re one of the only one able to make him smile in a matter of seconds, without any effort, just by looking at him. So...What the Hell ?

-What’s wrong Bru...

-I read your e-mails. 

-...What ? 

Just like your son was moments ago, you’re utterly confused. What was he talking about ? 

-Not intentionally, you left your computer open on the bed last night, and as I was putting it away I got...I saw something that caught my eyes. 

-I still don’t get it Br...Batman. 

No one was around, but better safe than sorry. Your husband continues : 

-”I can’t wait to see you tomorrow night, Bruce won’t be here so we’re good” ? 

And suddenly, a light goes on in your head. And you laugh. It’s Batman’s turn to be confused...He wasn’t expecting that reaction. Were you that cruel as to laugh at such a subject ? 

-Oh. Oooooh ! That ! I thought it was something serious haha. 

Your hilarity, for once, isn’t contagious. Damian feels his father stiffening more and more, and the boy is just totally lost. Bruce is hurt. Deeply. How could you ?

-...How is my wife cheating on me not something serious ? 

You freeze. Uh ? Oh. Oh ! But of course, he must think...The way his voice cracked made your heart drop. 

-Ch...cheating ? You think I’m cheating on you with Alexander ? 

-Oh, “Alexander” uh ? Who the fuck is this guy ?

You know that Bruce is troubled, or angry, when he starts to swear. Right now, he was both. Because he was afraid to loose you, and also pissed that there were a high possibility that you were cheating on him !  

-He’s my brother...

-Sure ! Sure he is ! Those are definitely not suspicious e-mails exchanged between lovers, but between siblings ! 

The Batman is properly mad by now, but you’re not impressed. His intimidating persona never worked on you. 

-Yes Bruce. He is. 

-Right like I...

-Will you let me finish for god sake ?! 

Damian flinches. It’s the first time he sees you two fight. Like, properly fight. For something important. Not just a silly thing, like finishing the last cookie or something. And suddenly, he’s afraid. Because he can’t loose you, and seeing his family break in front of his eyes is too much...He wants to escape, but he finds himself unable to move the slightest muscle. He’s stuck there, maybe witnessing his life being ruined (drama queen, like his mom). 

The Batman shuts up, and looks away. He cannot look at you in the eye. 

-Oh my God Bruce ! Stop being such a stubborn donkey and listen to me ! It is my brother. Alexander. Alexander (Y/L/N) ? I told you about him...He’s...He’s the one that got caught up in the Falcone family, that did some bad thing for Gotham’s mafia, and that was in prison for the past twenty years. 

Bruce doesn’t seem to understand, his mind still wrap up around the fact that you might be cheating on him. His son’s elbow shoved violently in his ribs brings him back to reality, and he starts to understand. 

-Why...why didn’t you tell me ? 

-What ? That I was meeting up with him tonight ? Please honey, I knew what was gonna happen. You were gonna sermon me about how it might be dangerous to see him, because he might still have ties to the mafia, and blahblahblaaaaah. I just wanted to see my brother...He was in a restricted part of Black Gate, you know that...I didn’t see him for so long...I just wanted to see my brother...

It’s your turn to look away. You feel guilty, because yes, the e-mails you exchanged with your brother could seem suspicious, and because you never usual hide anything from your husband but...You really didn’t want to hear him make a speech about the potential danger your brother still held. About him maybe still being the man he used to be... 

Bruce also felt guilty. Guilty to ever doubting you, and to almost not giving you the chance to explain yourself. What would have happened if he had left ? He preferred not to even think about it. He should have noticed that the man had physical similarities with you, that your shyness had nothing to do with the one you had during the first dates with him, that you didn’t look at the man remotely in the same way than you looked at him...He was the greatest detective in the World, he shouldn’t have jumped to conclusion. Especially since now, you seemed hurt. He couldn’t help the huge wave of relief washing over him though...He was about to say something, when Damian chuckled. 

Surprised, you both turn to him. Your son was starting to laugh more and more, because his parents weren’t going to get a divorce, and because... : 

-Sorry, sorry. But you should have seen him spying on you up there. He was pouting like a child. He was glaring at that gu...your brother and...hahahaha, his face mom ! His jealous face is hilarious !! 

You relax a bit. It’s so rare to hear your son laugh that much, that freely, that you cannot help but smile. Besides, you already saw Bruce being jealous, it’s always quite funny. You giggle a bit and say : 

-Haha I know, like the way his face is so serious and yet so childlike right ? 

-Exactly ! You steal the words from my mouth mom ! It’s exactly that ! Like...like a five year old who means business you know ? 

Those words make you burst out laughing, and Bruce forget all his guilt, and all the stress he felt in those last hours and cross his arms, vexed. 

-I do not look like that at all. Besides, I wasn’t jealous. I was just...mildly afraid for my wife’s safety. 

-Oh really ? You think we’re gonna believe that ?

-It’s the truth, The Batman is never jealous. 

Badly imitating his voice, Damian repeats his father’s last sentence and you two fall in each other’s arms, laughing like crazy people. 

However, you start to attract people’s attention to the alleyway you are (in Gotham, people are a bit weary of random laughs coming from the dark...), and Bruce takes this as an opportunity to force you guys to follow him. 

******************

Back at the top of the building, you and your son are still laughing, and another wave of loud laughter is menacing to come back when you look at a very pouty Bruce. 

-Haha, “The Batman is never jealous”, that’s the best joke you’ve ever said father. Like I see you glaring at  men who dare to come close to mom at charity balls and such ! Everyone sees you ! 

-Yes Bruce, and it’s like the cutest thing ever haha ! 

-I am never jealous ! Or almost never. Maybe I was a bit right there. But to my defense, I thought the love of my life was cheating on me ! 

You stop laughing, and turn to look at him, a half-smile on your face. You approach him slowly, and he cannot help but gulp. Damn you’re beautiful. 

-Love of your life uh ? 

He tries to roll his eyes, to brush it off as if it was nothing, but he can’t, and, with difficulties, he holds your gaze and nods. Yes. Love of his life. Of course, who else ? 

Your lips crash on his, passionately, savagely, and he responds to the kiss just as eagerly, the stress from the past hours completely and definitely leaving him. You weren’t cheating. You weren’t leaving. It was all good. 

Damian’s loud “EWWWWWWW” brought you both back to reality, and, forehead against forehead, you both let out a content sigh. 

-You’re an idiot Bruce Wayne. 

-Thanks. 

-To think I’d ever make the mistake to cheat on the most wonderful man I know. 

-Oh...Thanks. 

-Damian, turn your head away, I’m about to kiss your father again. 

Shivering, your son turns away indeed, but the sound of your lips sucking his father’s, the “smack” sound you two make whenever you slightly pull away etc etc...well, disgust him highly. Damn you guys were gross. 

You finally pull away from your Bruce for good, and say : 

-I gotta go, Alex is going to wonder where I went...

-Yes, we probably should go too...

-I love you Bruce, don’t ever forget that. 

-I won’t...I love you too (Y/N). Always. It’d break my heart to ever loose you. 

-Oh now, why do you have to say such cute things, I don’t want to leave anymore...

-That was kinda the point. I thought...

-OH MY GOD PARENTS ! Are you done ? Like, can we move on ? Great, mom isn’t cheating on you father, and you two love each other a lot and blahblahblah. It’s getting old this lovey dovey thing. 

Your son complain, Bruce snaps back : 

-And it’s getting old you always saying that. 

-Yeah well obviously I don’t say it enough cause you keep doing it ! Now let’s go, we have lots of work to do ! And mom probably got a lot of catching up to do as well with her brother ! 

You and Bruce smile, and let go (reluctantly) of each other. With a last peck, your son and husband disappear, and you go back to the cafe where your smiling brother waited patiently. Yup, you definitely had a lot of catching up to do. 

*****************

Bruce would be forever teased about his : “The Batman is never jealous”. 

By his sons, by his wife, by Alfred, and by his friends at the League. Especially by Clark. Right, as if the Batman was never jealous, as if the glare he gave even to his colleagues at the League didn’t exist. 

“The Batman is never jealous” was definitely Bruce’s best joke ever. 

[wnnbdarklord]

Chocolate Box 2018 letter

Dear Chocolatier, I'm glad we matched! This is my first Chocolate Box exchange, but I'm sure it'll be a great one :D For ease of access, I've provided a table of contents. Don't stress about it and feel free to pick and choose or combine bits of my prompts. Happy writing/arting!

AO3 username: wnnbdarklord

edit: I totally forgot to put Hela & Loki in the table of contents, but the prompt itself is there, not to worry!

General Likes

Art Likes

Smut Likes

Do Not Wants

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Bruce Banner & Loki || Bruce/Loki

En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki & Thor

Fenrir/Loki

Frigga & Loki

Gamora & Nebula & Loki & Thor

Heimdall & Loki || Heimdall/Loki

Hulk/Loki || Hulk & Loki

Korg of Krona/Loki

Loki/Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Nick Fury/Loki

Loki/Bruce Banner/Brunnhilde | Valkyie

Loki & Yondu Udonta

Crossover Fandom

Dirk Gently (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency) & Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)

Dirk Gently (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency) & Loki (MCU)

Farah Black (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency) & Samuel Vimes (Discworld novels)

Granny Weatherwax (Discworld novels) & Loki (MCU)

Groot (MCU) & Treebeard (LOTR)

Loki (MCU) & Donna Noble (Doctor Who)

Loki (MCU) & Ned Stark (ASoIaF)

Loki (MCU)/Theon Stark (ASoIaF)

Loki (MCU) & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson (Daredevil (TV))

Loki (MCU) & Q (Star Trek)

Phryne Fisher (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries (TV))/Jack Harkness (Doctor Who)

Phryne Fisher (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries)/Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: TNG)

Samuel Vimes (Discworld novels) & the One Ring (LOTR)

Tauriel (Hobbit movies) & Boromir (LOTR)

Tony Stark (MCU) & Ned Stark (Game of Thrones)

Wonder Woman (DCU) & Loki (MCU)

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Farah Black/Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently || Farah Black & Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently

General Likes:

Polyamory, gen, het, slash, femslash, families of choice, competence, BAMF female characters, angst, hurt/comfort, teamfic, pretty much all the tropes especially if there is a twist, worldbuilding, humor, redemption, for want of a nail AUs, time travel, werewolves, dragons, crossovers, non fantasy/SF canons encountering the supernatural/aliens, fix it fics

Also, I'm fine with mpreg as long as there's some worldbuilding involved beyond 'assbabies are totally normal and unquestioned'. Is it magic? Science? Shapeshifting? Whatever? As long as it's not just a thing that happens normally on Earth (reactions of humans to someplace it's common is a+). Even a/b/o mpreg is iffy for me because it's usually a feature of the world.

For any pairings, as long as they don't clash with my DNWs (first and foremost the incest DNW), I'm fine with either gen or romance no matter what the actual match is. Also, don't consider the length of a prompt as an indication of my enthusiasm for it. Some pairings I just have more ideas for, but others I have no idea what to prompt, but my brain just went !!! when I saw it.

I'm fairly certain it's obvious from my sign up that MCU Loki is a favorite character of mine. In general, I prefer Loki to be morally grey or conflicted or redeemable and not outright villainous. Think more pre-Thor or Ragnarok Loki rather than chaotic evil Loki. Anything with jotun!Loki, genderfluid Loki and bi/pan Loki would be amazing!

My previous letters for Trick or Treat (http://wnnbdarklord.tumblr.com/post/165264151230/dear-trick-or-treak-2017-creator) and Crossovering (http://wnnbdarklord.tumblr.com/post/163153222375/dear-crossovering-2017-creator) if you'd like to get more info!

Art Likes:

I’m pretty sure I’d love any art! I love sketchy styles with maybe just a splash of color to draw the eye. Black and white images with only one color to highlight Important Things is A+. That said, any art in any style would be amazing! As for subject matter, I’d love to see any scenes from the prompts or stuff from my likes. Characters being affectionate, gentle touches, characters as werewolves, characters in fancy dress/costumes, characters doing magic, characters getting it on are also all welcome.

Smut Likes:

Frottage, coming untouched, size kink, transformation kink, pregnancy kink, breeding kink, a/b/o, mild dom/sub stuff, sex pollen, tentacles, telepathy, first times, routine sex in the missionary position, weird biology, xeno kink, sounding, lactation kink, consensual body modification (bonus points if it's magical), public sex...I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting, but since this is the first time I'm even expounding on smut I'd like, let's leave it at this.

Do Not Wants:

permanent character death, rape, dubcon, torture porn, underage stuff, infidelity, humiliation, character bashing, ship bashing, no powers AUs, love triangles, fake married/dating, incest, power imbalances in relationships, hate sex, scat/watersports, necrophilia, abuse, fusions, zombies, 1st person POV, issue fic, themes of cynicism and futility, nihilism that isn't of the optimistic kind, animal abuse, unrequested ships, slavery, genderswap of the always an x kind, unrequested AUs, jealousy

Generally speaking, a specific prompt is going to come before any stated DNWs.

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Bruce Banner/Loki || Bruce Banner & Loki

One of my favorite pairings that there is a sad lack of fic for. I'd be happy with pretty much anything involving these two interacting, but I'd love something centered on their mutual realization of the similarity of their issues; their perceptions of themselves as monsters and realizing that 'hey, you understand!' and then being awkward friends (or more).

Maybe Loki's glamour fails at the end of Ragnarok, with Odin dead and Asgard gone. He might have put on plays revealing his origins, but that is way different than facing the reality. Bruce helps him cope.

Or maybe they talk about what's been going on on Earth. Does Bruce decide not to return there and goes off exploring the universe with Loki?

If you go the shippy route, I am a sucker for these two falling for each other very hard and very fast, like 'oh no, he's hot and kind and such an asshole?!' with a bit of pining and possessiveness.

En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki & Thor

Grandmaster/Loki is such a great ship that I somehow ended up shipping before I even saw the movie. This is one ship I am fine with a bit of dubcon and power imbalance. Loki's position on Sakaar canonically did not seem very stable and I can't imagine Loki would not be very aware of the power imbalance there and might end up doing things he normally wouldn't to keep being in the Grandmaster's favor. Especially considering the events prior to his arrival. That said, I would also not mind a fluffy and cracky version of them hooking up either, especially if Thor is watching the whole thing like ????

Actually, I would love something where Loki and the Grandmaster troll the everloving hell out of Thor. Maybe playing the strangest sounds coming from their bedroom when they know Thor can hear, but actually they're cuddling in bed and feeding each other grapes.

Or Thor's reaction if the Grandmaster comes find them on the ship looking for Loki. With Loki being oddly touched that someone went looking for him, even if he does still think the Grandmaster is insane.

Fenrir/Loki

Anything with this would have to involve a more intelligent Fenrir for my own sanity. Maybe even a shapeshifting Fenrir? That said, size kink ahoy. Also would not mind wolf babies.

Maybe Loki finds an...um interesting way to distract Fenrir during the battle? Would like Loki being utterly wrecked, but oddly satisfied by the end.

Frigga & Loki

A fascinating relationship that did not get explored nearly enough in the movies. I'd love a slightly darker take than fandom usually goes for. Frigga still stands by Odin, even after all the shit he's pulled and not once does she validate Loki's complicated feelings about him. Instead, it's all about trying to pull Loki back into the family fold without admitting Odin might have done anything wrong. And with Ragnarok's revelations, whole other facets can be explored. Is she Hela's mother? Does she know what happened and did that color her response to Loki? Was she part of the conquering? Was she the reason Odin changed?

I'd love an AU where she didn't die. How would have things turned out then?

Gamora & Nebula & Loki & Thor

Oh, all the parallels for the space siblings! Maybe Gamora and Nebula come across the Asgardian refugee ship? Maybe Thor and Loki go after Thanos and meet Gamora and Nebula who are doing the same and they decide to join forces?

As much as I would like to see Nebula & Loki and Gamora and Thor interacting, I would love to see Nebula & Thor and Gamora & Loki interacting instead (or as well). Maybe Thor gets along surprisingly (or not so surprisingly if we consider Loki) with Nebula and Loki is amazingly good at getting under Gamora's skin in a way she only thought Nebula could. Hell, maybe one set of siblings provides some therapy for the other. Seeing other people's problems is easier than reflecting on your own, after all.

Heimdall & Loki || Heimdall/Loki

These two have an interesting dynamic and I'd love to see it explored more! They go from kinda hating each other in the first movie to almost amused bantering in the third. How did that happen? Heimdall was obviously aware something was up with Odin, but he didn't really do anything about it beyond hide. And Loki didn't seem to keen on trying to catch him. Was he going to do something until he saw Loki was just taking a break from the shitshow his life had become? Or maybe Loki actually impressed him a little bit with how he ran Asgard and loosened the leash on the other realms?

Or, for an AU, Loki gets Heimdall on his side as he rules Asgard and feelings develop? And it's all very complicated due to the deception Loki pulls posing as Odin so they have to hide because imagine the scandal of the Allfather moving on from his beloved queen so quickly.

Maybe just something with the two of them interacting on the ship after everything. There's one theory that Heimdall is/has the Soul stone - does Heimdall know Loki has the Tesseract because of it?

Or maybe all that hate in the first movie was just UST that went unresolved because the Gatekeeper couldn't consort with a Prince and they finally let it all out after on the ship.

Hela & Loki

Far too little interaction between these two in the movie. I'd be happy with anything. Obviously, there are so many parallels between them. Do they commiserate? Does Hela view Loki with contempt?

Maybe Hela is the reason Odin reacted badly anytime Loki shapeshifted into a woman. How would the revelation about Hela play into Loki's perception of that?

I would also love an AU where Hela wasn't forgotten and trapped, but still a member of the family. What would their lives be like as siblings? Would she (still bitter about Odin's change of heart) reveal Loki's origins to him, trying to get him to hate her? I'd imagine that could backfire spectacularly, since she'd be the only one to tell him the truth. With Hela still there, would Odin even take Loki from Jotunheim? Maybe Hela is the one to pick him up, viewing him more like her beloved Fenrir than a son or brother.

Hulk/Loki || Hulk & Loki

All of the size kink, please. Also, I love stuff where Loki's jotun instincts kick him in the head and make him pay attention to the Hulk because yes, this one can beat the tar out of me without breaking a sweat. And the Hulk being a bit confused, but up for it. Loki is a puny god and puny giant, but it's not like he'll break. Green babies welcome (maybe Loki's instincts get kickstarted by the fact his world is gone now and well someone needs to repopulate the planet).

For stuff not quite so in the gutter, I'd love something that elaborated on their relationship (platonic or otherwise) on the ship. Maybe Loki is put in charge of making sure the Hulk doesn't tear the ship apart? It could go from Loki forcibly putting him to sleep or trying to bring Bruce back to telling him stories or maybe even the Hulk turns out to be great at flyting.

Maybe Loki finds out who the Grandmaster's champion is before Thor arrives and works on befriending him. Could start out as Loki wanting to use the Hulk for his own purposes, but growing to care for him on his own terms. Maybe the Hulk reminds him of Thor too much and heartsick at the thought that Thor is dead, Loki just clings a lot.

Korg of Krona/Loki

I literally have no idea how to make this pairing happen, but I'm totally open to it! Not sure what Korg would get out of it either, seeing how he's made of rock. But I believe in you, chocolatier! I know you can make this work :D

Maybe Loki ends up too electrocuted to be coherent enough to direct Korg and the other gladiators to go to Asgard and it ends up destroyed? Cue comforting.

Or maybe Loki just really likes debating with Korg about his revolutionary pamphlets and it goes from there.

Maybe Korg wins a particularly impressive fight and the Grandmaster lends him Loki for the day. Loki is game for it. I'd be deeply amused if this prompt just ended with them playing like chess or something because Korg misreads the situation.

Loki/Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

My OT3 for this fandom! I'd love anything! To see how it happens, to see a scene when they're already established, negotiating it, or defending it, anything! How does Loki deal with his longevity vs Pepper and Tony? Does he try to fix it? Does it happen without his intervention? Or does he decide to become mortal for them?

Perhaps an AU where a jotun Loki comes to Earth and gets involved with them (bonus for worldbuilding that jotnar relationships are polyamorous far more often than on Earth). Or maybe he has a fling with them (separately or together) when he was younger and then feelings when he meets them again?

Maybe after Civil War, Pepper manages to outmaneuver Loki into joining her and Tony, bagging them a powerful ally for Infinity War?

Nick Fury/Loki

Despite everyone teasing them about daddy issues, Loki and Fury were fucking long before Fury lost his eye.

Or maybe Loki approaches Fury after the Dark World with an offer of cooperation and things happen. Or Loki wrangles an offer of amnesty after the Avengers with the reveal that Hydra has infiltrated SHIELD after pulling the info from the mind of one of his minions (and things happen).

I'd love anything with the two power coupling all over the place. Or Loki baiting Fury into having his way with him everywhere.

Both of them pretended to be dead for a while, maybe they shared tips and commiserated?

Loki/Bruce Banner/Brunnhilde | Valkyie

I'd love something where, for all their individual dysfunctions, they all work together pretty well. Bruce doesn't have to worry about hurting them, even if he accidentally Hulks out, but also provides a stabilizing influence for them. Loki might be twisty and a drama queen, but he is fiercely loyal once he decides that he wants this. Brunnhilde gets a friend and sparring partner in Bruce and someone she can show her darker side to in Loki. Somehow, they make it all work.

Or for something more cracky, maybe they all just got together during one of the Grandmaster's orgies and never fell apart after.

Loki & Yondu Udonta

They're both blue aliens with issues! I can just see them being weird friends (that they would never ever admit to being) :D

Maybe after Loki falls off the Bifrost, he lands on Yondu's ship? He doesn't want to return to Asgard and can't think of anything better to do, so he sticks around. Yondu keeps him because a magic shapeshifting alien with Aesir strength is great to have around for ravaging.

Or maybe Loki uses Yondu to escape Thanos. Maybe he even drags Gamora and Nebula for the ride?

Or does Yondu visit Asgard, hoping to pull a con there and gets caught by Loki? Instead of handing him over to Odin, Loki takes him out for a drink and they swap ever more ridiculous stories.

Crossover Fandom

Dirk Gently (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency) & Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)

Dirk Gently gets people where they need to go, which makes him a perfect companion for the Doctor. It lets the TARDIS have a break from doing the same. Or they join forces and make the Doctor's life even more chaotic.

Or perhaps the TARDIS takes the Doctor to Blackwing and he takes Dirk away from there. Or does Dirk accidentally get on the TARDIS, perception filter or no? Does the Doctor try to get rid of him or is he delighted by such unexpected company?

Dirk Gently (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency) & Loki (MCU)

Is Loki a Blackwing subject and that's how they meet? Does he break Dirk out, planning to use him for some purpose?

Or the man who gets people where they need to go meets the god who has no idea where he is supposed to be. How does Dirk help Loki in that case?

For a crack prompt, perhaps Loki mindcontrols Dirk and tries to use him for taking over, but the universe makes things go improbably wrong for Loki's plans, but pretty great for everything else for him.

Dirk ends up on Sakaar, the planet of the lost. Does the universe implode or is he just there to get a certain trickster god to where he needs to be?

Farah Black (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency) & Samuel Vimes (Discworld novels)

Farah apprentices under Sam Vimes. He's impressed by her encyclopedic knowledge of criminal law (even Ankh Morpork's labyrinthine one), but less so with her attempts to blindly follow it. Especially considering some of them contradict each other twice.

Or maybe they team up to bring down a criminal. Maybe Vimes is the apprentice when he appears on Earth and wants to be a cop again.

Granny Weatherwax (Discworld novels) & Loki (MCU)

During my first Yuletide, I received a few amazing fics with this pairing and I'm hankering to see more of this scenario.

Loki falls to the Discworld in Lancre and Granny decides to knock some sense into him through hard work and headology.

Or maybe a young Loki gets sick of being called a witch all the time and decides to really learn how to be one. Granny has no idea what to do with an actual god trying to be her apprentice so of course she acts like she knows exactly what she's doing and takes him on. It ends up surprisingly well.

Groot (MCU) & Treebeard (LOTR)

Flora Colossi are either a subspecies or an offshoot of Ents. Does Groot come across Treebeard and Middle-earth in his travels? Did the Entwives disappear to Planet X?

Does Groot help the Fellowship out? Or does he invite Treebeard to go see the universe with him?

Loki (MCU) & Donna Noble (Doctor Who)

Loki falls from the bifrost and crashes into the TARDIS. Donna, experienced with dealing with skinny angsty godlike aliens, knows how to handle him.

Or maybe Loki and Donna keep meeting through the years as she travels with the Doctor and he is intrigued by this mortal that never seems to age. Maybe he helps her deal with the Doctor's memories - perhaps what science cannot fix, magic can.

Loki (MCU) & Ned Stark (ASoIaF)

Because reasons, Loki swears fealty to Stark and helps out with the politics part of the GOT causing Ned to survive.

Maybe he'd been shapeshifted into the direwolf they find at the beginning of the book? Maybe he comes to Westeros during Robert's Rebellion and helps out, even when injured or something?

Loki (MCU)/Theon Stark (ASoIaF)

Loki discovers Westeros during the time of Theon Stark the Hungry Wolf and is super into him. Together, they go into bloodsoaked wars and emerge victorious. Does Loki decide this is a place he wants to rule? Is he content with just Theon?

Loki (MCU) & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson (Daredevil (TV))

So Avengers Academy had a Defenders event where Loki and Foggy had a beautiful friendship. Which just made me want the same for the movie and tv versions of them. I just want them bro'ing around together.

For a more serious prompt: Loki is kept for trial on Earth. No one but Nelson & Murdock want to represent him. Or the Hoggarth firm kicks it down to Foggy once complications arise. Anyway, there's something off about this case (I'm not a lawyer, but international/interplanetary jurisdiction, extradition,human rights etc etc) and Foggy is going to get to the bottom of it. This would be a variation where there were extenuating circumstances for the Incident.

Loki (MCU) & Q (Star Trek)

Tricksters in spaaaaace. Anything with Loki and Q being BFFs across the universe.

Phryne Fisher (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries (TV))/Jack Harkness (Doctor Who)

They met, they banged, she solved his murder.

Phryne Fisher (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries)/Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: TNG)

This strikes me as a fascinating dynamic. Phryne would draw out some of Picard's mischievousness while he'd be a stabilizing influence. Does Picard time travel to the twenties? Does Phryne end up in the future somehow? Imagine her on the Enterprise!

Samuel Vimes (Discworld novels) & the One Ring (LOTR)

Anything inspired by this post http://emoinspace.tumblr.com/post/168728003648 where Vimes arrests the One Ring for being an accessory to murder.

Either that, or Vimes is the only Man who can resist the Ring for a long time out of sheer bloody mindedness.

Tauriel (Hobbit movies) & Boromir (LOTR)

Do they meet before the events of LOTR? Does she come across him on the road and accompany him to Rivendell? Or does she come across him on Amon Hen in time to save him?

I'd just be fascinated by them meeting. Tauriel who wants to go out in the world and do more to fight back and Boromir who has been fighting his entire life. I expect Boromir would be a little more at ease meeting a Silvan elf than the Noldor he first encountered.

Or maybe after the Battle of the Five Armies, Tauriel makes her way to Ithilien and spends her years there fighting. The soldiers of Gondor think she's a myth until Boromir meets her.

Tony Stark (MCU) & Ned Stark (Game of Thrones)

Tony Stark as a Stark of Winterfell would be great! How is he related to them? Does he just want to stay in his holdfast building stuff? How do events go (for his family especially) with him in the picture?

Or maybe Tony just finds himself in Westeros and gets in with the Starks due to his name. Does he hang with Ned? Does he try to upgrade Winterfell?

Wonder Woman (DCU) & Loki (MCU)

I want one thing from this interaction and that's Lasso of Truth angst. Does she tie him with it while fighting him? What does he say? How panicked does he get? When Diana realizes, how does she react? No one's ever really truly panicked before when she used it, after all. Do they become friends after? Or at least not enemies?

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Farah Black/Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently || Farah Black & Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently

These three just make my heart happy, ok? They're such great friends, I love them. Farah and Todd spent months trying to look for Dirk! Dirk kept thinking they would come for him! I love it.

This can be either shippy or no, but I would love something that deals with Dirk's time in Blackwing. He was such a mess in season 2, I would love for something where Todd and Farah take care of Dirk and help him be less high strung.

Or maybe something with the three solving a case in their newly acquired offices? Dirk and Todd helping Farah train and study (not that she needs to) for a PI license?

[hale-of-stiles-heart]

You bake when you’re stressed and sometimes you give me cookies, but recently you’re giving me whole baskets each day, now I’m not complaining but are you okay? Tbh I can see both Stiles and Derek being stress bakers haha

So, usually, I’d have Stiles be the stress baker, but I decided to mix it up this time. And who doesn’t love shy baker Derek? Also on ao3!

When Stiles moved into his little Brooklyn apartment after getting accepted into Columbia University, his new neighbor was nice enough to bring over a batch of cupcakes to welcome him to the building.

Moving across the country from a sleepy little town in northern California to the hustle and bustle of the city that never sleeps had been unexpectedly stressful. Stiles had never been away from his dad for so long and the vast distance was certainly putting a strain on him.

The jet lag had him feeling constantly exhausted and nauseous, even unable to sleep, lasting longer than he had anticipated. And the last thing he needed was yet another thing contributing to his insomnia, already needing two sleeping pills and his favorite pillow to be able to fall asleep.

All of that was in addition to the stress of having to dive headfirst into attending an Ivy League school where he would have to maintain a spotless GPA in order to keep his scholarship. It wasn't achieving the good grades that bothered him, it was the suffocating pressure that accompanied achieving those grades, the mere thought of possibly disappointing his dad enough to make him think about just run away.

He was in the throes of yet another round of self-doubt when a gentle knock sounded on his door, interrupting what was sure to become a panic attack. Scrubbing a hand over his face as he shook himself out of his haze, Stiles had stood from his seat on the couch and jogged to the door, calling out, "Give me a sec!"

Praying it wasn't the crazy old landlord demanding more money or his elderly neighbor who screamed bloody murder if he so much as sneezed a little too loud. It wasn't. Instead of a grumpy man with his hand out or an angry little old lady, the most gorgeous person Stiles had ever seen had been standing in his doorway.

He was holding a tray of cupcakes in his hands and while any other time Stiles would have been captivated by the sight of detectable desserts, he was much more mesmerized by the sight of a beautiful man standing in his doorway. Because people who looked like the man in front of him didn't just knock on his door out of the blue. It immediately had him thinking that New York City might not be so bad after all.

Whoever the hell he was, he had the smile of an angel, with bright white bunny teeth and the most kissable lips Stiles had ever seen, and all the dark features of a handsome devil. His hair was pitch black along with his thick stubble, a beautiful contrast to the swarthy tone of his skin and the light green in his hazel eyes.

And as much as Stiles wanted to take a bite of him instead of his cupcakes, he hadn't eaten all and his stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly. He could feel his face warm at the embarrassing sound, Handsome Stranger chuckling deeply and joking, "Guess I picked the perfect time to bring these over."

Laughing nervously, Stiles had agreed and introduced himself to the man who turned out to be his next door neighbor, inviting him in to sit for a little. Over cups of coffee and the most delicious French vanilla cupcakes Stiles had ever tasted, his neighbor introduced himself as Derek Hale, explaining that he baked whenever he was stressed and figured that since he had already made some cupcakes he should bring them over to welcome Stiles to the apartment building.

It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for Stiles and after the first time, it sort of became a thing. Whenever Derek ended up baking too much when he was stressed, he would bring some over for Stiles, either knocking on his door or leaving him a plate in the hallway.

Stiles hadn't eaten so good since before his mom passed away, his dad utterly incompetent in the kitchen. Every couple weeks or so, Stiles would wake up to a plate of the most delicious baked treats he had ever tasted on his doorstep.

First, Derek had left him still warm dark chocolate chip cookies that had melted in his mouth and reminded him of fall afternoons spent baking cookies with his mom for when his dad came home from work. Then, he had been blessed with a plate of raspberry white chocolate turnovers that were even fresher than the ones at his new favorite bakery a couple blocks away.

Next, came an entire chocolate peanut butter cheesecake that was so orgasmic Stiles moaned aloud as he scarfed it down in one sitting, not even bothering to feel embarrassed about it since it was so delicious. After the cheesecake, Derek brought over some cherry pie and a carton of homemade vanilla ice cream, both of which were so good Stiles spontaneously asked Derek to marry him.

He would never forget the way Derek shyly ducked his head as the tips of his ears flared a deep red. After seeing that, he was ready to actually propose, just so he could spend the rest of his life making Derek smile and blush like that.

But as much as Stiles thoroughly enjoyed the array of baked goods he received on a weekly basis, he started getting worried when started opening his front door in the morning to find huge baskets of various cookies and other treats every single day. It went on for two weeks before Stiles finally decided to check on Derek, just to make sure the poor guy was okay and hadn't baked himself into exhaustion.

To return the favor of Derek giving him food for the past few months, Stiles decided to bring him over some food, spending a few hours making his mom's karpatka, overcome by nostalgia. After finishing the dessert, he put some in his largest Tupperware container and slipped out of his apartment to knock on Derek's door, hoping he was still up.

He waited patiently after initially knocking a few times, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he tapped his fingers against the lid of the plastic dish. He was just about to give up and try again later when he heard the telltale sound of Derek undoing the locks on his door.

"Oh. Stiles," Derek said by way of greeting as he opened the door a fraction, the light from the hallway illuminating his face. He looked exhausted: his hair was absolutely disheveled like he had been running his hands through it and there were dark bags under his eyes. "Hey."

"Hey," Stiles returned, nervously shifting his weight. Chewing his lip, he asked, "I didn't wake you up, did I? Because I can come back later."

"No, don't worry about it. I can't sleep," Derek explained with a light blush coloring his cheeks, his eyes flickering down to the floor for a moment. Looking back up at Stiles, he opened the door wider and invited, "Do you want to come in?"

Nodding, Stiles followed Derek into his apartment that was just as warm and inviting as its tenant, the walls a cozy tan hue and the couch looking extremely comfy, built-in bookshelves lining the walls. The kitchen was a bit of a disaster, mixing bowls and rubber spatulas cluttered up the counters, the sink was full of dirty dishes, and there was a splatter of what looked like jam on the refrigerator door.

Politely ignoring the mess, he followed Derek's lead and took a seat on the couch that was just as comfy as it looked, sighing as he settled back against the cushions. Raising his container of food, brandishing it a bit too enthusiastically, he announced, "I brought you some karpatka."

Gratefully taking the container from Stiles, Derek cocked his head to the side. Lifting off the lid, he peered down at the dessert, wondering aloud, "What's karpatka?" Derek asked, dipping his finger into the container to sample some of the cream filling, Stiles momentarily distracted by the sight of Derek sucking on the tip of his finger.

"Polish dessert. My mom used to make it all the time. I figured since you always bring me stuff, I should return the favor," Stiles explained, gratified by how eager Derek was as he reached in to break off a piece of the karpatka, popping it into his mouth with a grin. Unable to help the smile that stretched across his face, Stiles cleared his throat and started, "Which is actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh." Derek paused and looked over at Stiles, blinking in surprise. There was a spot of the vanilla cream on his bottom lip that was proving to be very distracting, Stiles almost completely missing Derek's next words. "Do you want me to stop?"

"What? No. Are you kidding me? I haven't eaten this good in years, dude. If you stop I'll probably cry and I'm not a pretty crier, trust me," Stiles answered, a little breathless by the time he finished, feeling like an idiot for rambling in front of his gorgeous neighbor. Shaking off his embarrassment, Stiles focused on the pressing better at hand, asking, "Anyway...I was wondering if you're okay. Are you?"

Looking remarkably like a confused puppy, Derek set the karpatka down on the coffee table beside a Taste of Home magazine and a copy of Pride and Prejudice and leveled Stiles with a baffled look. Tilting his head to the side again, he raised a brow and inquired, "What do you mean?"

"You bake when you're stressed," Stiles pointed out, shifting a little to get more comfortable on the couch, in the process accidentally kicking Derek in the shin. Sending him an apologetic look, Stiles pointed to Derek's kitchen, explaining, "And from the looks of your kitchen and the baskets of food I keep finding on my doorstep, I'd say you're pretty damn stressed."

Derek immediately dipped his chin, suddenly shy, answering Stiles' question without uttering a single word. Stiles instantly reached over to lay his hand on top of Derek's, giving it a gentle squeeze as he murmured, "It's okay, dude. I'm all ears."

"Yeah?" Derek whispered softly, chancing a quick look up at Stiles who just smiled reassuringly and nodded, giving his hand another squeeze. Lifting his head, he let out a deep sigh and collapsed back against the couch, admitting, "It's just...work."

"Mmm hmm," Stiles hummed, signaling for Derek to go on as he moved around again, setting his elbow on the back of the couch and resting his chin in the cradle of his hand. He took the liberty of kicking off his shoes, pulling his legs up onto the couch when Derek didn't object, scooting a little closer. "What about it? Y'know, besides it being work."

"I work at the bakery a few blocks over --- Laura's Place --- with my sister and I do all the baking," Derek started to explain, though he didn't get much further than that as Stiles let out an excited squeal.

"Dude! You work at Laura's Place?" Stiles demanded, bouncing a little in his seat. Derek just nodded, jumping at Stiles' outburst. "That's my favorite bakery! Your blueberry muffins changed my life!---" realizing he had just interrupted he paused "---Oh...sorry. Go on."

"Well, my sister --- that's Laura --- wants to add some new items to the menu and I just can't get them right," Derek admitted with a long-suffering huff, tipping his head back and squeezing his eyes shut. Stiles' heart went out to him, sure that he must be under an enormous strain. He patted Derek's hand, frowning at how tired he looked.

"If you ever need any help or need someone to taste test any new recipes, I'm right next door," Stiles offered, meaning every word. It was the least he could do to repay Derek for his kindness. Besides, he certainly wouldn't object to spending more time with his unfairly hot neighbor.

"Really?" Derek questioned incredulously, furrowing his brows in blatant disbelief at Stiles. "You don't mind?"

"Nah, 'course not," Stiles beamed back, giving Derek's hand another squeeze. Glancing over at the clock on Derek's oven, Stiles realized how late it was, especially considering how early Derek would have to wake up in order to get things ready at the bakery. "Now, we oughta get you to bed, huh?"

He stood from the couch and offered Derek his hand, pulling him up to his feet when Derek took his hand, both of them smiling at each other. Derek didn't let go of his hand once he was standing, his cheeks flushed an endearing shade of red. Sweeping his thumb over the ridges of Stiles' knuckles, he bit his lip and very softly mumbled, "Stiles? Would you maybe wanna spend the night?"

"Wait, really?" Stiles blurted, his eyes widening at Derek's words, sure that he must have misheard him. Because there was no way Derek just asked that. "You're not just messing with me, right?"

Derek shook his head, still looking unbelievably shy, even as he glanced down the hall towards his bedroom. That certainly made it clear that Stiles hadn't misheard anything he said.

Stiles definitely couldn't refuse such a sweet offer. And cuddling with Derek all night? So much better than any dessert.

[uninstallchromium-blog]

uninstall chromium

How to Uninstall chromium Completely

Google Chromium OS is a Linux based mostly open source operating system developed by Google, specifically designed to run internet applications. It was launched on July 7, 2009. The downloaded source code can only be compiled and run on hardware supported and approved by Google and its fellow firms.

There is an official web site offered by Google to run a compatibility verify of the hardware you propose to put in Chromium OS on. The one software that runs on your desktop is the browser with a media player, retaining this in thoughts Chromium OS was developed targeting the users who spend most of their time on the web.

Furthermore Chromium OS is built using Portage from Gentoo with a specific overlay referred to as the Chromium OS portage overlay. It is programmed in C and C++ with supported platforms of x86 and ARM families. The updates are also robotically put in on the client machine.

OS Structure

Chromium OS open supply venture is based on a three-tier architecture: firmware, browser and window manager, system-stage and different consumer related software program and providers. The firmware quickens the boot time by not querying hardware for the floppy disks which can be no longer used. The Linux kernel is included within the system level software.

Security

Google has taken utmost care to keep it highly secure and provided with a extra bolstered OS with proper auto replace that can present a well timed test of the working system standing. Furthermore for the reason that OS is open supply any flaws within the OS could be known by the feedback obtained from the users which may then be rectified. The boot code stored in ROM (Learn Solely Reminiscence) checks for any vulnerability which makes it one of the crucial secure operating system as announced by Google sources.

Linux shell entry

Google has developed a Chromium shell often known as "Crosh" from which users can ping and ssh. Bash commands should not provided however could be accessed via the crosh shell.

Remote access

The technology is named "Remoting" that was developed by Gary Kacmarcik which is analogous to Microsoft's RDP, however is but to be commissioned.

Media

A media participant can be built-in to handle the client's music and different media wants. This will allow users to play MP3 recordsdata, view JPEG images and preserve different multimedia information.

Hardware assist

Google primarily constructed this OS for secondary units similar to netbooks as it is not very efficient for major PCs. Moreover Google has recommended SSD (Stable State Drives) for quicker IO's and thus improve efficiency but it surely also supports HDD (Laborious Disk Drive). Thus using of SSD boosts the performance as well as assists in decreasing the area requirements to very large extent.

Now that we've got a basic concept about Chromium OS let us perceive the steps to configure our own ChromeBook.

A. Getting the proper NetBook

Chromium OS runs smoothly on a netbook that has a x86 or an ATOM processor. Although add-on units such as Bluetooth and WiFi interfaced and running on the OS require some troubleshooting out of your finish.

B. Obtain and Set up

A 2GB pen drive will probably be ample to burn the downloaded Chromium OS. You possibly can obtain a stay CD or a USB Disk Image from the official Chromium OS site. If you're acquainted with Linux you'll be able to utterly build and install it from the supply code. It's going to simply take about an hour to compile the source code although downloading and installing the OS is the safest and easiest choice. The root user and the password are also provided on the identical website.

C. Boot UP

After getting downloaded, you may both burn it on USB or a CD. After this, all you must do is boot your machine from the respective gadget. After a couple of seconds you'll be requested to pick a community. Once a proper ethernet or WiFi community is detected you can be greeted with the welcome message as all other OS do. Right here you will have to login along with your particulars. If Chromium OS detects an internet cam in your system, it'll prompt to take a photo of yours with a purpose to build your avatar. You'll be able to skip this step if and upload the avatar later. Once you are through this step you will notice a plain Google Chromium browser with great GUI and you're ready to go online.

D. Putting in on a tough drive

Booting from a USB or CD Drive is at all times an inconvenient possibility as they're liable to get broken or corrupted. Thus once you might be satisfied with the performance and the person interface you can completely set up it in your laborious disk. Moreover installing it on your HDD is kind of easy, with a warning that all the data on these disks will likely be utterly flooded away.

Notice that you've got installed a Chromium OS and not Chrome OS. The most important distinction between them is that Google Chrome OS is the official construct which will probably be launched and supported by Google builders which makes Chrome OS extra stable. Then again chromium OS lacks with just a few options equivalent to a PDF plug-in, MP3 support, and print preview however nonetheless you have a working OS with cloud functionality.

Now, you can go to the Chrome Internet Retailer to examine for brand new apps and set-up Google Cloud Print and connect to Google Music. You possibly can check the Chromium OS developer resources for extra troubleshooting tips.

RockMelt is a free web browser that focuses on Google Search and social media. This browser was built on Google's Chromium browser framework, so it is quick and versatile. It takes a brand new strategy to net browsing, making it simpler to remain in contact with your friends and your favourite social websites. RockMelt means that you can chat together with your Fb mates while searching and alter your standing or share hyperlinks.

This interactive net browser has a dedicated window for Facebook chat, in addition to other applications

for Twitter and Gmail. RockMelt gives you pop-up notifications of things happening on your favorite social networking sites. It has a consumer-friendly interface that makes it simple to share internet content, view Fb pals' updates, and edit retweets.

Customers can open a number of chat bins, view videos and channels instantly from the right-hand bar of the browser, and add their favorite Facebook mates to the Friends Edge. Although RockMelt collects information in your shopping habits, builders declare that they will not share your information with any third events. This browser also makes use of your social media accounts to automatically sync bookmarks and settings amongst computers and different devices using the RockMelt app. The social performance literally frames the browser window.

RockMelt is specifically designed for Facebook and Twitter users. This program saves tons of effort and time over using Facebook through a regular browser. It also inherits all the advantages of Google Chrome, together with the flexibility to make use of Chrome extensions. Its interface may be very clean and simple to make use of. The share button integrated into the browser seamlessly permits customers to share web pages on Twitter and Facebook.

This innovative internet browser has distinctive features such as:

Automatic sync

Dedicated window for Facebook chat

Social reading

Share button

Easy to make use of interface

Fb notifications

High pace

Interactive How to uninstall chromium apps

Search box

Twitter integration

Intuitive sharing function

Quiet mode

What most customers love about RockMelt is that it permits them to chat directly with their Fb associates. If you're a heavy social media user, you will in all probability discover this web browser useful and enjoyable. This program allows users to customize its interface utilizing the Chrome themes repository. With RockMelt, you can browse social networks, favorite blogs, and Tweets with out leaving your current tab. Once you use the search bar, a panel fills with Google results. RockMelt provides avid social media customers with a singular searching expertise and innovative features.

Folks generally ask their IT folks, "What's the best web browser?" or "What internet browser ought to I exploit?" There isn't any easy reply for this. Each particular person tends to have a particular web browser that they like and customarily suggest it to their family and friends. I consider every browser has its own pros, cons, and quirks such that there isn't a single finest. In truth, I typically advocate every common internet consumer to have 2 separate browsers utilizing different engines.

There are four major kinds of browser technologies nowadays. The largest one is the Microsoft Internet Explorer family of browsers. Internet Explorer comes standard with home windows (unless you are within the European Union). Internet explorer is essentially the most exploited browser by hackers, partially as a result of it has probably the most market share, and partly due to its use of ActiveX objects. If a consumer is cautious and practices good searching habits, Web Explorer is as protected as the rest. I like to recommend all home windows customers at least have this installed as a result of there are plenty of websites on the market that require you to use it. Microsoft is infamous for having their websites only work in Internet Explorer.

The subsequent most popular browser out there's Mozilla Firefox. This is the successor to the Netscape heritage and is overseen by the Mozilla foundation. Firefox was the primary browser to incorporate a system for third celebration vendors to develop extensions and add-ons for it. There are nearly two million add-ons for Firefox already. There are lots of helpful extensions starting from additional browser security to developer instruments. That is the browser I recommend for both Windows and Mac customers. I personally use it as my fundamental browser as a consequence of all of the developer instruments provided from third events like Google.

The third largest group is the Webkit browsers. Webkit is a structure and application framework. The three browsers on this group we're going to discuss are Apple's Safari, Google Chrome, and Comodo Dragon. Safari is the default net browser that comes with Mac OS. Over time Apple has put plenty of effort into Safari, making it a strong browser with a slick responsive interface. It has also been launched for Home windows customers to download totally free.

The final two are based mostly on the Chromium engine. Chromium is an open supply engine developed by Google to make use of in Chrome and is well-known for its V8 JavaScript engine which is blazing fast. Chrome is Google's foray into the net browser world and it made big waves when it hit in 2008. Since its release, Chrome has had 5 major version updates and now incorporates third occasion extensions much like Firefox. Dragon is developed by Comodo, a name model in the security sector. It has comparable features to Chrome but provides an additional layer of security for SSL connections. to be sincere, the identify of it makes it worth using just by itself. I encourage Home windows users to select up certainly one of these if they need a third browser and I like to recommend that Mac users persist with Safari as their foremost browser.

Last however not least on our Net browser tour is the much less well-liked, however loved by many, Opera. Opera is developed in Norway by Opera software program. This browser is filled with attention-grabbing options which can be very often copied by the bigger names. Opera's biggest claim to fame is that it is used as the bottom for many cell and console net browsers. Most cell phone platforms provide support for it, and the Nintendo Wii's internet browser is based off of it. The newest variations touts a vastly elevated efficiency in web page rendering and a JavaScript engine that rivals the one in Chromium. Regardless of being such an progressive browser, I have found that it has issues with some websites, particularly ones displaying flash content. Some swear by this browser nonetheless, and other than the flash websites my expertise has been constructive toward it. Personally, I only recommend this for net developers who want to make sure their net pages work well on it.

In abstract, I recommend Windows customers to use a mix of IE and Firefox and I recommend Mac customers to make use of a combination of Safari and Firefox. If you're a web developer I recommend installing IE, Firefox, Chrome, Safari, and Opera for testing your web sites' compatibility throughout them all. I have also noticed on Home windows that IE is less forgiving than the remainder relating to malformed HTML and CSS. I often use it for debugging my webpages. Firefox must be your major browser for net development because of the developer instruments one can get for it.

Google Chrome is an Internet browser that was developed and launched by Google. The primary launched version was for Windows and it was a beta one. The beta model was formally released in 43 completely different languages on 2nd of September 2008. The general public launch of the browser was on eleven.12.2008. After its launch the browser achieve a lot of recognition and till the start of 2009 Chrome became the 4th most used browser everywhere in the world. If we examine Google Chrome with the well-known already developed builds of Web Explorer, Firefox, Safari, and Opera, Chrome rating is lower than Firefox 3.1 Beta 1, Safari 4, and Opera, but it's greater compared to Web Explorer. On 04.06.2009 variations of Chrome for Mac OS X and Linux have been launched.

The first purpose of the Google Chrome's design was to enhance the pace, safety, interface, and stability as compared with the already present browsers. The Google Browser Chrome was put collectively from 26 totally different Google code libraries together with different from third events, for instance Netscape.

Google developed the V8 JavaScript engine. It has features equivalent to precise garbage assortment, dynamic code technology, and hidden class transitions. The Google check made on 02.09.2008 revealed that V8 is about 2 occasions quicker in comparison with Internet Explorer 7 & eight, Safari (modified version of WebKit), Opera and Firefox 3.zero, but that didn't last for long for the reason that WebKit team announced ten days later the SquirrelFish Excessive, making Chromium and WebKit even.