#And was close to leaving for good

[magpiefngrl]

I posted 807 times in 2022

94 posts created (12%)

713 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mikkeneko

@veliseraptor

@ohnoyizhan

@lqtraintracks

@bloody-wonder

I tagged 804 of my posts in 2022

#fanart - 178 posts

#drarry - 84 posts

#wangxian - 81 posts

#the untamed - 70 posts

#mo dao zu shi - 49 posts

#to queue or not to queue - 45 posts

#i laughed - 41 posts

#writing - 35 posts

#inbox - 35 posts

#ofmd - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#death of the author is also not 'ignore everything that is actually in the text in favor of what you feel like saying about it'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

9 1/2 days has updated omg

Photo credit: Andrew Hocking (this is a picture of Kennack Sands, it's a real beach in Cornwall)

Kennack Sands, chapter 7 of my Cornwall fic aka 9 1/2 days, is out. It's only been two years, no big deal lol

It's drarry, rated E, currently sitting at 54k with two more chapters to go. It's a Canon Divergence (or rather Detour, you'll see) from the events of Book 7 with Harry and Draco being stranded together after the escape from Malfoy Manor.

Link to Chapter 7

Link to Chapter 1 if you want to read from the top

My eternal gratitude to @lqtraintracks who has betaed the chapter on short notice and gave me some excellent suggestions. Love u <3

66 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

#4

Hellooo! 💕

Sorry to slide in like this, you absolutely don't have to answer this, I just have no idea how else to grab your attention 😫

Your drarry fic series 'Arthur and the Lust Leaks' is seriously one of my all time favourites, they're just so hilarious! I love the dynamic between Daphne and Draco, Arthur (of course!🐣) and the general concept is just wonderful on its own XD

The concept of magic folk getting "Lust Leaks" when they're extremely horny is actually GENIUS!! Like what, how on earth did you come up with such a clever idea!?!?

My question is how would you feel about others using the concept? So long as you're credited for the inspiration, of course!

Thank you! You're brilliant!!💖

Oh what a lovely ask! I'm so glad you like the concept and thrilled you enjoy the 2 fics! I had a ball writing Daphne and Draco and ofc Arthur is adorable <3

How I came up with the Lust Leaks. When I joined the DTH fest, I'd only published one drarry fic that I'd written non-stop and obsessively over a few weeks; a fic which had poured out of me in a torrent. With The Full Monty I was more deliberate. I had a prompt, which gave me a direction to follow, but I wanted to do more. Now, my favourite author is Astolat and one of the things I love about her work is that she always has some cool magical element in her stories. I'm a fantasy author at heart, and her inventiveness and worldbuilding truly resonates with me. So, with this new drarry fic of mine, I wanted to create a magical element that would be new and interesting and would fit with canon.

I thought of developmental stages for children. How magical kids' magic appears when they're young. I can't remember the exact age it's supposed to happen, but in my mind it was linked to the stage where kids develop ego (around age three) (ego meaning the psychological theory, not selfishness). And then I thought what's another big stage of development (adolescence, lots of hormones) and what happens then? (sexual maturity). And what if, during that tumultuous time of their life, their magic goes haywire too?

I can't remember if I came up with the concept first and used it in the story or if I came up with something embarrassing happening to Draco and decided to dig into that idea and develop it. Either way, it went: idolise astolat-> magic appears when toddlers turn into children -> adolescents have raging hormones and this could affect their magic-> lust leaks when horny.

I wanted to write more in that 'verse myself. Back in spring 2017, I'd started writing a Lust Leaks Hogwarts-era fic inspired by a throwaway line in the fic about Blaise and how everything he touched grew wings and flew. I also began a sequel of the Full Monty with the title Saving Arthur. But I had a few big fests coming up and a birthday fic to write, and they got abandoned.

Finally, to answer your question: If you wish to use the concept in your fanfiction, then I'd be happy for you to do so. The credit would be much appreciated, and perhaps even a link to Full Monty for anyone curious to see the origin? That'd be brilliant.

However, this is only for fanfiction. If you're interested in using the concept for original fiction or any kind of work commercially available, then my answer is no. But I'm assuming you want to write drarry/ HP fic :)

This was a fun trip down memory lane. Thank you for sending the ask, for your very kind compliments, and I hope you enjoy playing with my lil' idea xx

68 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#3

Happy 10th HP anniversary, LQT!

This month my darling friend, @lqtraintracks, celebrates ten years in the HP fandom.

Ten years omg! 🎊🎊🎊🎊

Ten years of passion and enthusiasm and love for drarry and the HP world; ten years of spreading joy to other fans; ten years of astounding writing (gods, I envy her so!); ten years of invaluable contributions to the community.

Lqt, the fandom is blessed to have you as a member and I feel honoured to call myself your friend. I thank my lucky stars I joined drarry when I did and got to meet you 💖

Here's a few things you should know about Lqt:

1. She's a phenomenal writer. No, I don't use this word lightly. If you haven't yet sampled her work, you're missing out. If I were you, I'd rectify this asap. Lqt's craft is a masterclass of its own: strong sentences, beautiful prose, thoughtful characterisations, scorching sex scenes, lots and lots of feels. Her writing sizzles. She's so quotable too. I can't think of another writer who has such a strong gift to write lines that the whole fandom imprints on and can remember years later. For instance: "I've fucked you in that shirt." I'm still losing my fkn mind over this line. Mention Blood and Fire, one of Lqt's masterpieces, to a reader and they'll immediately go "omg I've fucked you in that shirt!!!!!!"

2. She's a supporter of queer and trans rights in true Gryffindor spirit. Passionate and tireless, Lqt actively tries to make fandom a more inclusive, safe and welcoming space for everyone. She's an example to emulate.

3. She's a fierce, generous friend. I don't know what I've done to deserve her, but her generosity and kindness and support seem never ending. She's been there for me, esp during a tough period last year, and has listened to me vent when I felt like getting things off my chest; she's given me advice when I asked for it; and has been a relentless cheerleader when I needed a boost. She's the kind of friend who reads my fics even when they're in fandoms she's not familiar with. She might know nothing about wangxian but she will read my fics and she will comment with some lovely praise, and--I don't know if I ever told you, @lqtraintracks, but that floors me every single time. That you read and comment on my wangxian/hualian/non-HP fics. I'm a bit choked up about it, ngl

Right. *wipes tears* Recs!

My first LQT fic was Entropy to Ecstasy (drarry/ 4k/ E), a stellar example of second person POV and, er, rimming. Is this the most delicious combination or what? The longing in this fic is tangible; the UST through the roof. I adored it and still do; what a marvellous introduction to a great writer.

My latest LQT fic was Heart Like Neon (drarry/ 41k/ E) and it was one of the highlights of 2021. It's got enemies to lovers and hate sex and UST to-die-for but also excellent new magic (the Reaching! how amazing and such a Harry magic!), a large cast handled deftly, and a fantastic relationship progression. And again: so many wonderful quotes! "Being good… it’s not just one choice. It’s a thousand different choices. And that’s just one day." How do you do it, LQT????

But the fic that has carved itself in my heart is Blood and Fire (drarry/ 45k/ E). (The banner above is a realistic depiction of the state of my mind and body while reading the fic.) It's a story of second chances; of regret and mistakes; of making amends; of forgiveness. It's got agonising pining and excruciating longing; palpable tension and hot hot hot hot sex. It includes the most emotional hug of all times. It's a fic that makes me feel like "a bundle of kindling who invited fire over for dinner". (see what I told you about the quotes? She's fkn killing it!) It's a drarry classic (yes, I went there) and it's a fic that I will never, ever forget. For me, this story is up there with Donna Tartt and CS Pacat.

LQT, happy anniversary!!! May you enjoy another 10, 20, or more years in fandom! I'm so happy to know you 💖

79 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

#2

I started watching Avatar The Last Airbender (just season 1 so far) and had a look at the wikis. Can't tell you how shocked I am that the show isn't Katara x Zuko endgame. Shocked I tell you!

83 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

9 1/2 days is complete!

I think it's pretty obvious from the graphic that I began this fic a loooong time ago, back when we used to create collages for our fic posts :DD Trends have changed, people post some gorgeous banners these days, but this collage waited patiently for literal years for me to get my act together and finish writing, so there was no way I'd use anything else. Old school graphic it is.

******

Fic Title: 9 1/2 days

Warning: Author Chose Not to Use Warnings

Rating: Explicit

Length: 69.6k

Summary:

After the events at the Manor, Harry and Draco find themselves stranded in the countryside with a broken wand and Death Eaters on their tail. This is the story of an uneasy truce, featuring faerie forests, seaside caves, Romani camps, kind old ladies, and a shared bed in an attic.

Or how two boys fell in love in the midst of a bloody coup.

******

Thank you to the fabulous @lqtraintracks for her thoughtful suggestions in these last two chapters. The story is much better as a result. <33

Links to new chapters: 9, 10.

Read from the start

ETA: I've got some free time today and tomorrow so if anyone wants to send asks about the fic and its progress through the years, if you have any questions as to what hindered me, what spurred me on, or about what inspired me; or whatever: send me an ask! It's such a huge weight off my shoulders and I feel I need to get a lot out of my chest.

105 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

secrets of farming (1863) - john w. large

"yeowch augh taking damage ough eurgh"

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[mobileleprechaun]

the real horror of House of Leaves is being Karen and having 600 magazine articles and academic essays about why you're a stupid skanky no-good bitch slut whore

[vamp-bites]

Post-canon knives haunted au on the brain again…

[jerswayman]

LOVE THY GOALIE. GIVE THY GOOD BOY HEAD PATS.

[justaz]

arthur (prince of camelot) still has to study under a tutor bc yknow uther wants him to be very intelligent before becoming king or something bc its super important idk idc anyways merlin is doing chores in his chambers while arthur is squinting at a book and merlin eventually caves and asks him what he’s reading and arthur gruffly explains that its a collection of stories from greece that make absolutely no sense so merlin asks him to read them outloud to him. arthur of course teases him and calls him an idiot and asks how he could possibly help but does as he’s asked and reads the stories to merlin as he does his chores. merlin (being crushed under the weight of destiny and tormented by the prophecies that kilgharrah spews) understands the stories almost immediately and gets all excited and starts rambling about them with arthur. arthur is glad to have someone who understands so he can give something that reflects a hint of understanding to his tutor who accepts it and moves onto the next unit of education.

the thing is, arthur finds more stories in camelot’s library and brings them up to his room to read them aloud to merlin under the guise of completing his studies but really he just wants to watch as merlin’s eyes gleam when he understands whats happening and listen to him ramble on and on about them bc he’s gay. the stories stick with merlin though and he realizes that they’re cautionary tales, that the heroes who were told too much of their future doomed themself to fulfill them - that them fighting the prophecies led to their completion. merlin takes it to heart and gives a big “fuck you” to kilgharrah before forging his own fate and helping morgana with her magic and handing out an olive branch to mordred and now everyone can live happily and peacefully in an albion teeming with magic.

[popchoc]

Much like in surgery, sometimes in life we lose sight of the bigger picture. When we're stressed or worried, it can be hard to see the things that are going well. And when we're floating on cloud nine, it's just as easy to miss red flags. Expanding our perspective can give us a better, more accurate view of ourselves and the world. It may end up being more than you could have ever imagined.

[nandermoenthusiast]

im just imagining nandermo in a very enclosed space like for some reason they gotta be chest to chest pushed up against a wall and its awkward for a moment but then nandors eyes are just boring into guillermos and guillermo has that uncertain but unwavering stare too, and is this what is gonna take for them to kiss?

[tswwwit]

Bless that trophy wife anon because they’re right. There’s no way mindscape citizens see whatever dipper does in the real world as a real career and he has no job in bill’s realm either, whether he likes it or not he’s entwined with bill’s world and his people and he can’t blame them for thinking his job is being bill’s husband.

That’s what pisses him off, the fact that they’re right.

No matter how Dipper protests that yes, he DOES have a job, the beings in the Fearamid don't believe it's 'real', or worse - humor him, then give Knowing Looks to the other demons in the room.

Meanwhile, Bill knows it's real - but sometimes he plays along like it isn't just to piss Dipper off.

[fumifooms]

Dungeon lord Chilchuck

What would his wish as a dungeon lord be? What would he be like? Headcanons & speculation post for fun. But I’ll start with analytic lead up because that’s always fun for me, though feel free to skip and skim.

When it comes to what Chilchuck’s dungeon lord desires could/would be like we have mainly 3 hints: His nightmare, his succubus and what the winged lion says to him.

Why: — From what we see nightmares are based on the person’s worst fears and insecurities, both Laios’ and Marcille’s nightmare were closely tied to their dungeon lord wishes (Laios’ dream monster being summoned to crush the ghosts of relationships that represented the pressure to fit in and belong, Marcille seeking control over death and aging through magic to avoid loss), the fuel behind their desire/goal if you will. Fear and deep-seated desires are seemingly closely tied, something also supported by Thistle and Mithrun’s reigns as dungeon lords (Thistle proving his worth through fulfilling his given duty + protecting his loved ones, being listened to instead of having to listen, Mithrun escaping rigid two-faced elven society and living in a wonderland where he has no enemies and he’s loved, free from everyone he knew yet propped up by the person symbolizing his brother being chosen over him, the bastard child).

— I’ve talked about the significance I assign to the succubi often by now, but rundown: What we see of each character is all very telling if you care to listen, it shows not only someone’s "ideal form" but what they want from it. Izutsumi’s is familial, offering a hug and comfort, Marcille’s is romantic with a character she knows and loves, offering a kiss on a hand and a connection regardless of how distant it actually is, and Laios’ is platonic, arguable at first but then Laios’ fear of judgement is placated and he is offered the picture perfect friend group that accepts his interest (if you want my full look at Laios’ succubus go here). They take on the most alluring form, most ideal person of their victim, even uncovering deep subconscious desires, so precisely and effectively to the point it leaves victims physically frozen before the object of their desire. Succubi and the demon are themselves tied in lore and it’s easy to see how similar their core skill are. Succubi don’t give a good idea of what a character would wish for on their own but they certainly give hints on what they crave, regardless of how you want to read it.

— Last bit is self-explanatory. To placate Chilchuck and win his compliance over, the monster that reads your soul like an open book offers to give him something specific. But! It’s also important to remember that the lion isn’t offering to fulfill Chilchuck’s dream world wish here, it’s a second prize, because his goal with what he promised Laios is that they’d stay in this world, away from everyone and everything else. Chilchuck wants to get away but is kept back, and it’s here the lion placates him with "hey it’s okay! You can’t do that but I can still give you this! This is enough right? It’ll make everything easier on you".

What each bit says: — Long version in another post. Tldlr: His daughters and family are obviously important to him, and this reinforces that he takes on the role of protector a lot, he’s constantly worried for his party members’ lives and implicitly his family’s. Safety and stability, both economical and otherwise, are his core values and goals, and he berates both others and himself if someone fails on those fronts. Here, there’s the fear of not being enough, of not having been able to protect, and of course of loss.

— Chil’s succubi are obviously sexual, and not only that but agressively and straightforwardly so. It’s not like Marcille’s where there’s personality involved, all they do is give him sultry looks and pretty smiles before jumping on him. His succubi aren’t like Izutsumi’s, always the same exact person and appearance, so it’s not someone but an appealing general idea. The idea of a sexual being he can regard as simply a gorgeous piece of meat and a good time no strings attached. In my interpretation, especially with my reading of Laios’ succubus where even with deep-seated desires negative emotions can be too intense to effectively freeze a victim, I think this doesn’t contradict his character. Relationships have been painful to him in the past, in the succubus scene when his wife gets mentioned his immediate reaction is to yell "Don’t bring her up now!", like with his habit of drinking and as a tallman liking his senses feeling dulled, it’s about not having to feel emotions with how difficult they are to deal with sometimes and just feeling good, or at least not having to think, for a while. If a succubus showcases someone’s ideal connection with an ideal person, then Chilchuck’s is with a pretty person that doesn’t stir any negative memory or drama, someone low stakes and low maintenance that doesn’t require him to manage or talk out feelings because there’s none involved in the first place.

— Once more, wife and family are important! He does long for his family, not only his wife but his daughters, and vice versa. This suggests not only that he wants good relationships with them but that he wants them to be with him, a family life. Far from the cut communication they all more of less have during canon, and perhaps far from their life pre-canon when he worked away from home a significant amount of time. We’ve seen recreations of people by the winged lion before with doppelgangers and monsters (naga), and though he claims he can make satisfying imitations, what we’ve seen is that they base themselves on the best memories of that person, like with Marcille’s dad, or twist behavior to be more pleasant, like Mithrun’s lover (and possibly twist appearances depending on the person’s view of them, but that’s Mithrun analysis). The line does suggest Chilchuck would want his family members as they are in reality and not idealized versions, but the circumstances are chaotic and urgent enough in the scene (and again the lion isn’t fulfilling Chilchuck’s wish but trying to make him content for Laios’) that it could just be the winged lion saying what he needs to to convince him the fastest possible, and like we see with Laios that can crumble to give way to deeper or more complex desires.

On top of that we just have general info on Chil. How does Chilchuck deal w his issues? What does he like to do? He likes alcohol and ignoring his problems. We have to remember there is a split between what someone would consciously wish for and what their soul uncontrollably irrationally craves. As always with Dunmeshi, there’s a narrative of irrational deep-seated desires vs active wants, what you crave vs what you strive for, what you dream of vs what’s actually good for you, the animal vs the human inside you, heart vs mind. Chilchuck craving a harem of hot babes in his fantasies but wanting his family life & wife back again is not mutually exclusive. You may crave becoming a monster and tasting what humans are like a little but still want to save the world & your friends more.

Btw can we adress the irony of him terrified of being the last one alive, of being left by his daughters and wife, of having left and coming back home one day to see everything gone or rampaged, yet not caring about dying of liver failure himself, knowing every time that he enters a dungeon there’s a real risk he may not come out. Die somewhere I can’t see you. I prefer leaving you than being left behind. He’s selfish and shortsighted like that… Chilchuck is selfless in many ways of course, but perhaps also due to his own relationship with his parents, he often undermines the effects he has on others in his relationships, both the good and the bad (he talks himself down about being cowardly and greedy yes, but never hints at his bad health habits, alcoholism and starving himself, may have affected his loved ones, doesn’t question his wife falling into a bad mood the night before she left, and talks about the possibility of dying here and there very casually, though obviously he tries his best to stay alive when it doesn’t concern his health).

Chilchuck king of "Let me just avoid and ignore my problems surely they’ll go away, things might work out and if they don’t well tough luck I’ll survive and I probably deserve it anyways". If I don’t look at it it will dissapear <3 Why care when you can simply not think about it.

You might not understand Mister "my love will stay strong through months of work travel and also 4 years of separation" and Mister "well idk my siblings and me are kinda strangers and my dad is dead but that’s kinda whatever", but typically relationships need some form of maintenance and emotional availability…

The actual headcanons finally

I kinda have 2 routes in mind for dunlord Chil and both of them are centered on "I care too much, i wish things were easy", so first is a lot like his succubi, it’s full on indulging in his guilty pleasures like alcohol and bodies and it’s to keep him in a constant state of thrill and euphoria and distracted, unfeeling about stuff that really matters. "Nothing matters except that I’m enjoying the moment!" vibe. He gets to live a life worthy of Dionysus, with alcohol and women and debauchery and like— never having to think again, never having to feel anything but pleasure again, never have to feel guilty or shitty or angry or sad. He has a harem and gets everything on a silver platter.

Breaking news demon magic-induced rush of euphoria and power still not enough to cure this man of his self-hatred nor his capacity for thought!! But in his case a state of euphoria is what he seeks I think, to kinda mask or replace the Everything Else.

The other is what I think closer to what canon suggests, with what WL implied too with "I’ll make you a new wife and kids like the originals!! 😊", it’s a (spoilers) Wandavision type thing where it’s a slice of life where he’s never at work and always at home and the family eats lunches at the dinner table together and everything and everyone at any moment is just. Happy. No issues. It was all a dream, this is real and everything is fine and your family is perfect and happy. I like to think the timeline would be wonky, his daughters would fluctuate in age, but he’d want to be there for what he missed, would want them to still rely on him and look up to him like when they were young, would like to forget that they’re now independent adults and the distance that grew between Chilchuck and his siblings is happening between them as well. Chil would want doppelgangers of his family imo, at its core just a general wish for a peaceful happy family life with no drama, no need to compromise, a little paradise of unconditional love and no consequences. It’s for sure straightforward, but Chilchuck is a man with straightforward desires…

But see Chilchuck is a greedy man, and he wants it both ways without having to sacrifice anything or expanding any efforts himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think playing with these two opposite directions and mixing and matching is most fun. Him leading a life where he indulges in all his worst habits while still having everything he wants… Him getting to have BOTH his wife and any woman he can imagine up, his life like two sides of a coin he can flip at any moment where he’s partying then he’s at home enjoying the quiet and his toddler daughters playing with toys on the carpet. Christ when you remember it’s all an illusion that’s terrifying, the doppelgangers and succubi from the winged lion playing chilchuck ping pong.

A safe little haven both security-stability wise and emotionally. Gets to have both the relaxing and the thrilling in any dose he wants, mixed or separatedly. What I’d argue he had pre-canon too: Can live it up in taverns away from home, stays away from home for long periods of time, and can come back to home aka the symbol of relaxation and safety whenever he decides to. Something he can leave and come back to at will, an anchor he can trust in (until it’s taken from him and his wife leaves. Or in his worse nightmare people rush in and kill his daughters). The ideal of a house and family to a working man, perhaps…

I think it’s fun to think on wether or not these desires would be interesting at all to the winged lion… In canon he seeks out "rare/complex desires", common simple things like I imagine riches, sex, substances and pleasure would be are boring to him, he’s eaten those so many times already. So perhaps he wouldn’t last long as a dunlord, the WL would want to eat him fully quick, can’t keep him interested or waiting long for a meager meal, too much effort raising the cattle and too low quality meat. By making it more twisted or layered Chil’s desire would become more desirable to the demon, it’s part of what’s fun with the third option to me. But whatever. Has he ever eaten a guy with this much repression and self-sabotage... Like trying to get the meat out of a walnut, enrichment…

Other dunlord Chil takes I’ve seen that are fun and good:

@feelo-fick and @pluvio-floret have a dunlord Chilchuck AU project dubbed "tragedy AU" where Chilchuck is said to be "on vacation", in a weird delirious state, only half-there half of the time… From which he doesn’t want to wake up </3 Quoting Feelo, this is why the vacation thing is only a half-joke cause he is 1) letting all his responsibilities go 2) indulging in himself and 3) "spending time with his family" <- lie but you get what i mean. Additional comments that have me vigorously nodding: because changing is hard why cant things just be okay right now without the effort !!! Life is hard he’s so so tired he just wants to feel good… he just wants life to feel nice and easy for a sec while he can learn to breathe again and lose the stress and trauma he’s accumulated…….. spoiler alert yes !!! in fact a depressed person can suck themselves into their job and lock out the world who wouldve thought !!!

And then Cabinette I know posted about his dunlord take once but I don’t have the link, in which Chil has a lot of nosebleeds because of mana overload which is fun and interesting to think about imo~

In dunmeshi, where characters get underground pockets of the world as their playground disconnected from everything outside and the rest of the world, it’s important to remember to face reality even if it has conflict and people with different views and stances from you, it’s something Chilchuck and Marcille and everyone needed to learn, and the thing with a dungeon lord AU is that you imagine a timeline where he fails to <3

A timeline where his dungeon lord wish is to desire nothing bc hope and want has only ever hurt him would also go so hard. Very universal thing though I suppose.

… And this is why a Chilchuck-centric Coraline AU is really really interesting and fitting and topical— Ok that’ll go in a separate reblog/post at @Fumiku I need to let this end

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

epic fail <3

[hylialeia]

you don't get it. she loved him once. she didn't have a maester, she had a brother. he sold their mother's crown to keep them fed. he said Dany, please. she loved him, once.

[theotherbuckley]

Okay but Tommy drops out of high school — he told his father he was gay and he told him he could either be homeless or go to military school. He goes to military school and joins the army and he likes flying the helicopters because it means he doesn’t have to do any of the killing himself. And he makes some friends.

There's one guy who's like the squad leader who's a few years old and built like a Greek god and Tommy's young and a little bit in love. And they're friends maybe even family because this whole group of people spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. And they all talk like a family and they all say they love each other and tease each other and it's nice. And one night it's just the two of them trading a flask of some sort of alcohol that Tommy doesn't know the name of and the man asks Tommy why he joined the army and where he wants to be in five years and Tommy trusts this man. He's half way in love with him so he doesn't even think twice before he tells the story about the time he came out to his family and his father nearly beat him to death before sending him here. And the conversation tapers off after that and he doesn’t register the change in the air but when he wakes up the next morning he’s being dishonourably discharged because he poses “unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability”. He knows what that means.

Tommy joins the fire department because he doesn’t know what else to do. He represses anything regarding his sexuality because he knows now that it’s wrong. He almost feels like he has a family again because his captain seems to like him and some of the guys are cool even if they say things he doesn’t agree with. And then he starts agreeing because maybe they’re right and he’s wrong and he’s just inherently wrong. So he follows their leads and is just straight racist because that’s how he can fit in.

And then a black lesbian woman joins and says she’s a black lesbian woman and Tommy doesn’t understand that either because you can’t be queer you just can’t be because it’s wrong.

But he nearly dies and and an Asian man saves his life and a black lesbian woman comes up with a better idea than any of them had and she tells them she’s no different and she is just as capable. So he improves himself he does and he tries to be better but he still can’t be who he is because the last 2 times he was honest about that he was betrayed.

Tommy leaves the 118 and “don’t ask, don’t tell” is lifted and he meets this guy he likes who likes him back and the 217 don’t seem to have a problem with the gender neutral pronouns and he slowly but surely lets himself open up again and be who he is and when the thing with that guy doesn’t work out because he’s moving to New York and Tommy’s not sure he’s ready to leave, it’s okay because his crew is there and they support him and he can still be himself.

[batsplat]

random throwback to fabio's response to casey saying he should've been black flagged for the whole open leathers situation

[polysaur]

Drywall cannot stop her.