#And they say kids don't understand transgenderism

[lesbianwyllravengard]

When I watched Bluey with my 6yo brother for the first time I asked him if Bingo was a boy or a girl cause I didn't know, and my brother said "she's a boy and a girl" and I was like wdym and he said "sometimes she sounds like a boy and sometimes he sounds like a girl"

[foone]

I hate when I make a post like "hey you can be a girl if you want? Or boy? And if you're a girl, you don't have to be! You don't have to be a boy either" and then redditors see it and are like "ugh demeaning language. I haven't been a 'girl' since I turned 18! I'm a woman, damn it"

And it's just missing the point so hard. Boys and girls are how kids talk about gender. If you're going to come at me with a elementary school understanding of gender, don't get mad that I'm responding at your level.

Also it's important that the message read properly for any children in the audience: you can be a boy or a girl now. Not later, not "when you grow", not when you're a woman or a man. Right now. There is no reason to wait.

Seriously, you can do it right now. Give me five minutes in a room with any doubter, a spoon, and a cup of strawberry yogurt. I'll convince you that you can be a girl or a boy, a man or a woman, neither or both, or even combinations (I knew someone once who was a bigender woman/boy. They were not a girl or a man, but they were a woman and a boy)!

Anyway the point was to say it simply enough to make it stick. Brevity is the soul of wit, and sometimes four short lines can stick where endless long posts and documentaries don't.

"you can be a girl if you want to" is the kind of sentence that might save someone that a long post about transgenderism might not. I'm sorry if it seems overly simple: that was on purpose.

[pillarsalt]

as someone who is genuinely truly gender critical (critical of conservative gender and transgenderism) i have never felt so alone in my life. conservatives hate me. liberals hate me. incels hate me. radfems hate me. men hate me. women hate me.

the supreme court of the united fucking kingdom is using talking points and lingo made up in 2010 by teenage girls bending over backwards to defend perverted men. the other side of the argument is brought by conservatives who at best wouldn't mind if we regressed women's rights back to the 1800s and at worst are actively trying to do so.

meanwhile, on a general society level, we have the aforementioned perverted men and their teenage supporters who, regardless of what year they were born, have not progressed past that 2010 mindset. they genuinely believe women is a feeling/aesthetic/opt-in-free-attention-machine. and in the other corner, the only corner with the potential to actually empower and defend women, we have a wave of radfems who can't even pretend to be tolerant of straight, bi, gnc, and/or autistic women for 2 seconds (sad and ironic because i highly suspect most of them are one of if not multiple of these things) who lay the blame of the actions and beliefs of perverted men on said women. because us not killing every man on sight means we're the reason they get away with everything.

i have never felt so alone. i don't think we're ever getting out of this. how do you cope with this?

Anon, I want to tell you, I have felt this way many times and I'm sure I will again. I totally understand the impending doom feeling. It's hard to escape. But I want you to know, you are absolutely not alone, not at all.

I also want you to know that unfortunately, bad news frequently overshadows good news, especially online. The shocking and horrific generate more media interest than the hard fought battles being won by people and groups who are interested in positive change. But positive change is happening, even when its hard to see right away. To quote Martin Luther King Jr.: "First, the line of progress is never straight. For a period a movement may follow a straight line and then it encounters obstacles and the path bends. It is like curving around a mountain when you are approaching a city. Often it feels as though you were moving backwards, and you lose sight of your goal: but in fact you are moving ahead, and soon you will see the city again, closer by."

WRT the tumblr-esque rhetoric influencing national policy: I truly believe we are advancing past what has been a weird ass period where this religious "no debate" thing dominates liberal politics. Liberals across the world, I believe, are realizing it's a losing game, and that we can't let people who deny basic reality dictate policy for everyone else. I really truly get where you're coming from, but as someone who's been paying attention to this since 2015/16ish, it seems to have peaked around 2020ish, and on a steady decline since then.

They're their own worst enemies: at first your average left of centre person thought of trans issues basically as very gender nonconforming gay people who experience extreme distress about their sex (and that's not to say these people don't still exist,) but now with the mercurial rise of trans activism as we know it, more and more average voters are exposed to realities of gender ideology like male rapists in women's prisons, males in women's sports, the medical exploitation of gender nonconforming kids, and so on. Even just anecdotally I have seen TONS more people speaking openly about their dissent, when they would have kept their mouths shut before. Now a widespread conservative backlash is absolutely not what we want, and it's why the liberal governments of the world need to step up and get their shit together right the fuck now. Conservatism is dangerous and we need to fight as hard as we can to stop it in its tracks. But with added and continued pressure from everyone who's working to do so, this WILL happen. We can make it happen.

In respects to what's troubling you about the radical feminism community, I understand where you're coming from there too. But again, it's a problem with the most vitriolic people having the loudest voices despite being in the minority. Radfems do not hate you. There are a rash of individuals who through rad/feminism (especially online) have found a great way to browbeat other women and feel morally superior. Any special interest group is going to have people who try to use it to their advantage for ego stroking and social status purposes. Please try to remember they are just people, like you. They can be, and often are, just plain wrong. You have no obligation to take anybody's word as gospel, even if they get mad at you for it.

I don't take anyone seriously who'd rather infight constantly than find common ground with her fellow woman, even if there's disagreement. Women's liberation is the number one priority when it comes to feminism, and as a woman, you have every right to be here. Don't take any bullshit personally, be confident but curious in your beliefs. And please don't give up, not on the world and not on feminism. You are a worthwhile person, things will look brighter sooner than later. I know this from experience. I hope you hang in there, you can message me any time or send another ask anonymously if you want. It's hard work to push through the doom, but you can do it. Be well! 💜💜💜

[sporesgalaxy]

Could you explain your stance on the barbie movie? I thought its message was great, personally. Barbie established she didn't need a boyfriend to be complete and her new friends explained to her that living as a woman was extremely difficult but worth it to try. The men realized they didn't need to either impress the women or prove their masculinity. Everyone learned they were enough being who they are. And they said that the meager beginnings of the men getting a place in Barbie government mirrored how women were gaining a place in the real world, and that they all needed to keep trying. What about that rubbed you the wrong way?

Let me preface by saying that my beef with the Barbie movie is a pretty lean beef. For example, I think the average MCU movie does wayyyyyyy more damage in the way of propoganda, excusing institutional violence, etc. than the Barbie movie.

However, I think that ideological thouroughness is important in kids media, so I enjoy picking it apart like this.

Shortened points first, full rambling explaining them below cut.

1. The Kens had to be tricked into fighting each other by the Barbies.

2. Made weak and inconclusive gestures toward the issues of corporate greed, corporate sexism, consumerism, and the pivotal role that gender essentialism and the aesthetics thereof play in fascist propoganda.

3. Corporate personification / auteur theory with the creator of Barbie.

4. It was never going to be transgender and I knew this but it would've owned if it was transgender.

•••

1. The Kens had to be tricked into fighting each other by the Barbies. It made it seem like toxic masculinity would function perfectly as a utopia for men if never interrupted by the actions of women. I know Barbieland doesnt function by reality logic but it couldve been a strong vehichle for allegorically representing feminist philosophy. When it Didn't Do That Strong Allegory Thing I was disappointed.

2. Made weak and inconclusive gestures toward the issues of corporate greed, corporate sexism, consumerism, and the pivotal role that gender essentialism and the aesthetics thereof play in fascist propoganda. I get it if you don't want to address those things in your Barbie movie. I expected that. However, they were all brought up as jokes rather than just being left out. This feels more belittling towards the issues than just pretending they don't exist, honestly? Like oh ha-ha the teenager called Barbie a Fascist, isn't that ridiculous? Let's never look deeper into this because it's just SO ridiculous. And while I don't think Barbie is inherently fascist I think acknowledging that hyperfeminine aesthetics can and have actually been used as tools for fascism is important.

3. Corporate personification / auteur theory with the creator of Barbie. Mattel doesnt have any ghostly nice old ladies approving the decisions made there, obviously. They weren't trying to literally convince us of that, but in spirit they want you to feel that Mattel the corporation does hold value Ruth's interests. And sure, lots of people at Mattel are probably inspired by Ruth. But firstly Ruth was a real person and I'm just tired in general of people elevating creators to the level of minor deity. And secondly, Barbie products exist because of the creative teams behind them, and I wish those creative teams had been appreciated or even mentioned. I felt the abstracted businessman characters served only to personify Mattel the corporation as endearingly bumbling and ultimately looking out for girls. I understand that many things in the movie are meant to be taken as abstractions but this kind of personification is already done ALL THE TIME and people actually buy into it. So seeing it ywt again was just a bit disappointing.

4. I'm getting tired and this is the least based on the actual movie. Transgenderism wouldve rocked but it was nowhere to be found. Tragic.

[beanghostprincess]

Modern au trans Ace has been consuming my mind lately so I thought I'll just share all of my headcanons or else I'll explode:

• Sabo was the first person he had come out to. It happened when they were around 9. Ace had always felt that something was "wrong" about him. That the way he acted, his interests and past times, and just how he would do things were "unnatural" or wierd". Once Ace became familiar with the conspet of transgenderism he just opened up to him, and was met with instant support.

• Immediately after this, Sabo gave Ace his (trademark) transgender haircut in the bathroom of Dadan's house. She actually entered it while they were there and upon seeing it she cried out of happyness. (Mothers know everything)

• Coming out to Garp was a bit harder for Ace since he wasn't sure how an older person would have reacted, I mean Garp just left there his grand"daughter" and came back to a grandson after all. But we all know that Garp would never discriminate, and plus now he has another grandson to train.

• Luffy arrived in his life after a full year after he had transitioned, so at first Ace wasn't sure how to exacly explain this to Luffy, but he did manage to open up to him after they officially became brothers. Luffy wasn't just an innocent kid, while he didn't fully understood concepts like transphobia, to him Ace is just his brother so if anyone is mean to him or calls him names he'll just kick their asses.

• Ace had been homeschooled for the 5 years that would have been him attending elementary school. Middle school was the first time he attended an actual school and at first he wasn't open or confident at all and was ready to just beat up anyone who tried to shit talk him.

• Surprisingly he made a few friends. They were mostly just Luffy's friends who were older than him or his friends's siblings, but he appreciated it anyway. His absolute best friend ever tho is Kuina. I hd her as non binary using she/they so its just trans supporting trans, and they also have like a million of other reasons to be friends but those were already pointed out.

• His top surgery was payed by none other than his father Newgate. The Whitebeards pirates would be just this one tatoo shop Ace works at that Newgate he opened after "retiring" from biker gangs and stuff.

• Obbligatory T4T Yamace, but we all already knew this, didn't we?

• Ace gets the best older trans guy advice from Franky. Because to me, he is just what every trans guy aspires to be, cool and hardboiled. And who wouldn't want to get advice from the dude who did his own top surgery in his father's mechanic shop at 15?

These are all from me, but feel free to add your own or elaborate on the ones you like.

Trans Ace is so real to me that I quite literally can't imagine him being cis. It's just so,,, Weird to me. And I absolutely love everything you said. I definitely think Sabo was the first one to know and the one who helped Ace the most with his transition, also telling Garp, who actually is way better (if you can say 'better' when something isn't even 'good' but yeah) at raising boys. At least he understands them better. So I think he wouldn't have a problem with it at all even if he's more on the "I don't really get it that much, kid, but as long as you're happy" type of vibe. I agree with everything,, When he was younger he really didn't interact with many people and usually preferred to be alone. Teachers considered him more of a problematic kid than anything, and always compared him to Sabo with the typical "how are you like this when your brother is just so polite and smart!?" but then Sabo always ends up fighting the teachers for saying that shit in front of the class and Sabo stops being so perfect in their eyes (also he starts rebelling himself a lot against the educational system lmao). And not to talk shit about Garp, but talking shit about Garp I'm sure Ace would get in trouble a lot and Garp wouldn't show up to the meetings with Ace's teachers. That only makes Ace feel lonelier and everyone thinks he's extremely troubled. When he's literally a sweetheart to both Sabo and Luffy,, When he meets Luffy's friends, he starts to open up to people. He still gets in a lot of trouble, honestly, but that's just him. I think his classmates find out about him being trans, of course, and not a lot of people are okay with that. He truly wants to fight them but he knows that if he keeps going like this he'll get expelled and he doesn't like the idea of leaving Sabo and Luffy alone ('doesn't like the idea' meaning he almost gets expelled and Sabo had to scold him and tell him that even though he has his own friends he doesn't know what he would do without him in school), so Luffy and Sabo are usually the one defending him a lot of the time since the teachers, even though they're chaotic, don't really hate them (because look at those cutie patooties how could you hate Luffy???? He gets along even with teachers). The Whitebeard pirates accept him with open arms and he finally feels he has a place to belong to. Newgate doesn't even offer to pay for the surgery, he just pays without telling him first because he knows Ace wouldn't have let him do it otherwise. He's so so grateful for them. And his brothers. And his friends. And everybody that has ever supported him. I think that he has lots of issues with depression and self-image and he often has a hard time when he acts impulsively, but Newgate always helps him. He grounds him. Gives him something to focus on. And Franky is soooo fun to be around. Newgate tells him to go see Franky and give him the money he owes him, and that's how they meet, basically. It's obvious he's trans because he goes shirtless all the time and scars are there and everything... And Ace just has to ask about his experience. Franky helps him gladly. And it's not only cathartic but also very comforting. He also meets Robin there!!!! Because married Frobin in this one. And I think Ace would absolutely love her because she keeps being oh so nice to him. She kind of reminds him of Makino, and it's extremely sweet. I think Ace now goes to help Franky from time to time when the Tattoo shop doesn't really need him there or, well, whenever he wants to because he also is extremely interested in bikes.

T4T Yamace my beloved.... Guys being guys. Dudes being dudes. I think they meet because Newgate tells Ace something about this man Kaido (leader of a gang) who owes him lots of money or something or did something very nasty to him yadda yadda Maybe they just have beef from when Newgate was into the gang stuff. And Ace keeps saying he should go and settle things with Kaido and beat him up for that, but Newgate is retired and he really, really doesn't give a single fuck about it. Lmao. Ace says he could take down Kaido himself. Newgate laughs. Ace is too proud. So he ends up looking for Kaido and fighting Yamato late at night in the street and,, Well. You know how it goes. They become daddy issues besties and turns out Yamato does not want to follow his dad's steps. Ace is curious about Yamato's experience because he doesn't seem to want to have surgery or anything, and they keep bonding over their pasts and family and Yamato ends up joining the friend group. And it's so cute. Newgate can see the kid is in love because every day he waits for Yamato to come pick him up to hang out. Or maybe he begs to get out earlier to go see Yamato. He keeps talking about Yamato,,, All the time. Even Sabo and Luffy are done with him. It's endearing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA This is just so good. Modern Au my absolute beloved.

[stars-mischief-archive]

hey

what does it feel like, knowing you're neurodivergent? i keep looking into different habits i have and it's something i think about a lot, but i always just feel more broken the more i look

so what is it like? and how do you know for sure?

;; angst beneath the cut

[ he goes silent for a moment, debating how to best approach this scenario ]

...

[ he looks up at the anon and speaks ]

well, it's different for everyone, i suppose.

for me, especially in the early stages of my life, it was really isolating.

as a child, i never really "fit in" with the people around me. i mean, void, i didn't have many friends until i was 18 years old.

though most have grown distant.. since i moved to the valley..

i couldn't understand why i didn't fit in. moreover, other people seemed to notice things about me and were very abrasive.

they.. they didn't like how i was different, i suppose.

i felt different, too.

no matter how hard i tried, no matter how much i wanted them to like me, they.. they never did.

oftentimes i'd watch someone else say something and i'd notice how their jokes always seemed to land. so, i'd try to strike up a conversation. only to be met with strange looks and sideways glances, as if i somehow said the wrong thing without realizing it.

it.. it was really disheartening.

there were times in my life when i found myself thinking: "why am i not like anyone else? why don't i fit in?" and, eventually, i convinced myself that there must be something wrong with me..

so, i decided that i would "fix it".

i carefully watched other people's behaviors and mimicked them as if they were my own, all because i thought that if i was more like them and less like.. me.. that they'd actually want to be my friend.

i found myself following the trends just so i could have the slightest thing in common with them, even though it didn't make me happy or i didn't enjoy the trends that much..

eventually, i began to morph into a dull, "normal" version of myself. or, that's what i was telling myself, anyway. in truth, there are points in my life where i look back and.. i don't recognize the man i see.

but it didn't matter. i convinced myself that, if people didn't like me for being different, then i wouldn't be different ever again. i would like what they liked, i would crush any undesirable behavior, i would become normal, even if it caused me to lose myself.

...and, it did. for a long time.

it didn't help that, while i was going through this, another crisis occurred (transgenderism beam). i never felt more confused in my life. and, no matter where i looked, no one seemed to be able to relate to my experiences. i felt completely and totally alone.

i hate that feeling.

...

so, a few years pass and im still masking almost constantly.

its exhausting, to say the least. but i kept it up.

i have never truly found a place where i felt like i belonged. i was always the "weird" kid, i was always "different", i was always "too much". but, i wanted to find that place so, so badly..

so i forced myself to hide any interest that was deemed "weird" by other people, i forced myself to hide how happy and passionate these interests made me. all because i wanted people to like me.

and, they did, i suppose.. i had what i always wanted; people liked me and didn't think of me as weird or a freak.. so why wasn't i happy?

i could never figure that part out and i was too exhausted from the constant masking to try.

...

anyway, i manage to make a few friends during this period of time (mainly by sticking to their interests and only mentioning things i knew they liked)..

and, i began developing an interest that was different from theirs.

it was something that i was super passionate about and it brought me immense happiness every time it was mentioned.. plus, my brain was craving some dopamine. all those years of wearing the exhaustive mask were.. well, talking a toll.

i didn't think much about it at the time and began happily rambling about this new interest.. but, this person, whom i considered a really good friend, absolutely hated it. and they hated me, too, i would later realize.

i guess i got a little too carried away while talking and, without realizing, the mask slipped away. i was just so excited - i had to share this interest with one of my favorite people, you know?

but.. it didn't exactly end up that way, huh.

this person.. ah.. they blatantly insulted one of my passions and then proceeded to call me annoying (among other things) for talking about it, or even enjoying it.

i took it to heart, i suppose..

void, it even still affects me - nearly five years later.

i.. that interaction.. it made me feel incredibly self conscious.

now, whenever i find something i'm passionate about, i tend to enjoy it silently.. by myself.

i feel that, whenever i say more than three words about something that interests me.. whoever i'm talking to will be put off. that they'll find it annoying and tell me to shut up. and i'll be nothing more than i was all those years ago: a scared little kid, all alone, dealing with this confusing world.

i never want to feel like that again.

i don't want anyone else to feel like that, either.. which is why i make a conscious effort to remember everyone's favorite things and ask them about their interests..

it's absolutely awful having someone you care about be so rude and dismissive about something you enjoy...

...

but, to answer your question, i don't think there is a defined way to "know for sure" - at least one that i've found..

you know, it's crazy, but people who aren't neurodivergent seem to have a "second sense" for finding those who are and, subsequently, they choose to be complete and utter assholes.

just because someone is "different".

but you don't deserve that, no one deserves that.

despite what everyone may think, being neurodivergent is not a bad thing.

it's amazing. it allows you to understand things differently than traditional methods, it allows you to enter periods of hyperfocus and do things that (typically) take a week in one afternoon.

you are not broken. you will never be broken - not to me, anyway.

you are amazing and perfectly capable and so, so worthy of love and should be able to express yourself without feeling like you're doing something wrong.

oftentimes, being neurodivergent can feel like, no matter how hard you try, the world seems to reject you and your efforts. it wants to squish you down and remove the individuality out of you. it wants you to become what they see as "normal".

please, from the bottom of my heart, don't give in. don't let them make you into what they want to see or what you think will please them..

it's so, so exhausting and it takes years to remove that mask and unlearn the behaviors. sometimes you can't unlearn them, though.. and they haunt your mind and fill it with self doubt.

yeah, it's scary.. and isolating.. and overwhelming sometimes.. but when you're in your element? when you're surrounded by supportive and like minded people? when you find the place you truly belong? it's amazing.

um.. anyway..

...

i hope this was insightful.. but, like i said, everyone's experiences are different.

[thediktatortot]

Hi! Please excuse my ignorance. English is not my native language and I tried looking up the term Terf online but I struggle to understand how that one blog was a terf. It seemed homophobic to me (which is already a no-go for me, insta block). How can one spot a terf? That whole situation made me highly uncomfortable but I also wasn't familiar with that term and struggled to see the signs if that makes sense. Sorry for this ask

You're good.

So the thing about Terfs is that they come in all shapes and sizes but the one thing they have in common is that they do not believe in or hate Trans individuals.

There are a few major talking points that can help you easily spot a Terf:

Believes in the strict rules of only two biological sexes existing (in humans. Some Terfs give animals a pass for some reason.)

Believe that Trans people are either faking, pretending, confused or sick for being Trans.

Believe that all Trans Woman are just predators dressing up like woman to attack/harm Afab woman. (Assigned Female At Birth. So someone who was born with a vagina, ovaries & a uterus. or at least one of those.)

Believe that people can't possibly know they are trans until they are 'older & not a child', which leads into their unwillingness to teach about trans bodies, intersex people and queer medicine as a general concept to kids.

One thing to note is that Terfs come in all shapes and sizes. You can find a Cishet Terf who loves Trump and JKR, but you can also find a Queer Terf who only believes in Gays & Lesbians being accepted into the queer community who vehemently hates Trans people.

It's all just about not accepting/allowing Trans people to exist.

I obviously don't know everything there is, but here are some common words/sayings used by Terfs:

Female (never using Woman/Girls for individuals and only reducing them to their genitals), Radfem (Radical Feminist. It's been co opted by Terfs), Biological Sex, "Only two genders.", Gender Critical, Transgenderism, Real Woman, Body Mutilation, LGB/LGB Aliance, Womanhood, "You're taking rights away from real woman", "You're making a mockery of womanhood."

(Additional Note: Terf ideology is very very heavily rooted in White Supremacy. You can have Terfs of all races, but the people who are most effected by these ideologies are Black Trans Woman, who are killed on the highest rate of any queer person.)

There's honestly so many but just remember this: If someone believes that your identity as a Trans person is: Inherently wrong, predatory, evil, or taking away rights from other people? They are a Terf and do not respect your life.

It doesn't matter if they "have trans friends". If they believe in Terf rhetoric? They do not want you to exist. They support laws and actions against you that will lead to your death or destitution because the people who make the laws that they support are also the same people who want you dead.

Terfs are not your friends.

Terfs do not deserve spaces in our communities queer or not.

Terfs do not care about you or your existence.

Terfs. Do. Not. Belong. In. Our. Spaces.

(Note: This is all off the top of my head and my mileage on terms and common sayings might vary. I myself am Trans but I don't know everything about everything. I am also white so there are nuances within this discussion I don't have the place/or understanding to talk about further than I already have.)

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Stupid vent incoming, feel free to ignore.

I hate that some conservatives think that because gay/lesbian couples can't conceive naturally, our only option is adoption. Why can't we desire biological kids? How many straight couples are willing to adopt a child, especially one of foreign origin, when they can have a child with their genetic material?

Furthermore, we have people like Katy Faust (have you heard of her?) who claim that same-sex parents, instead of opposite-sex parents, set kids up for failure. I read about her story, and it looks like typical divorce kid trauma that turned into a save-the-kids political identity. I could understand drag queens and trans, but advocating to prevent gays from raising kids?

Some of us was truly born this way and want to lead responsible lives with kids despite that. We're not all adults chasing after the juvenile drugs, parties, and meaningless hookups scene that we should have already outgrown. To say that we're screwing up the kids and that the only scenario ideal in a same-sex parent context is nursing an abused adoptee back to a well-adjusted state is kind of rude. Taking care of adopted kids is not terrible, but we're not all willing to do that.

Studies that said that kids with same-sex parents fare as well or better than their heterosexual counterparts are untrue, according to her. I'm sure she'd done many good things with her work, but I disagree with her on this particular take. It makes me wonder if her views would be different had she not been religiously affiliated.

I'm gonna be honest here, I really don't care what conservatives say about gay adoption, or surrogacy. I know a few that think children can't be raised properly in same sex homes and I disagree, but I also think that the reason many kids with gay parents don't have the best upbringing is because their parents aren't ready to raise kids. The gay community encourages selfishness. It encourages behaviors that aren't compatible with raising a child. But not every gay couple will be bad parents.

As for surrogacy, I understand why some people don't like it, especially pro-life people, but I just can't agree. Surrogacy just doesn't bother me.

But this is a bad time to ask me about gay people and children, because I've never been more disgusted with the "community" and the way it goes out of its way to support grooming and other forms of child abuse just because they're being done by someone in the alphabet soup. I'm disgusted with how many "LGBT" people are raising their kids like some kind of social experiment, with gender neutral "theybies" and pushing their kids towards transgenderism. I think the community as a collective entity is toxic and abhorrent, and anyone with morals and common sense would distance themselves from it as fast as possible.

So I do agree that there are a lot of gay people who shouldn't be allowed within 500 feet of kids, let alone raise them. But I don't agree that just being gay should disqualify someone from being a parent.

[thesleepiestselkie]

i truly believe the trans community has got to start openly and loudly supporting detrans folks. i wanna share my story with y'all, and it is long and possibly triggering? and i say at least one nsfw thing. but i feel like a lot of trans people only ever see detrans stories weaponized against them, and therefore there's a good chunk of the trans community that has (understandably) a lot of vitriol towards detrans people. so since it's pride month, i wanted to talk a minute about being a nonbinary detrans person.

when i first started learning about trans and nonbinary identities, i knew pretty much immediately that i was nonbinary. i was in high school by the time i found out that you could be a different gender than the one on your birth certificate, and i was over the fucking moon. problem was, i was a homeschooled navy brat pastor's kid 3 for 1 combo and so my literal Only exposure to any world outside of patriarchal gender & sexuality norms was.... you guessed it! tumblr.

tumblr around 2013-2015 was a pretty weird and vitriolic place to be nonbinary. half the site claimed you were faking, the other half was trying to lure you in by spouting the weirdest genders on god's green earth. (i love y'all go wild with ur genders that's just not my brand of existence.) so like.... i picked a side? i decided when i was around 15 that being nonbinary was kinda cringe and from that point on i identified as a trans guy.

cue fighting with my parents for like 7 years about the whole existence of trans people, the idea that i was a trans people, this weird belief i had that i should have bodily autonomy, and this weird belief that they had that pretty much anything could be cured if you prayed hard enough (from anxiety to cancer to, surprise, transgenderism)

the only way i came out of that fight as myself was through transitioning. i very loudly expressed that i Would do what i wanted with my body, and they had no right to control me. when i started t shots, i was 19, and i loved it.

i was euphoric every time i got gendered correctly by a stranger, i celebrated the first time i shaved real beard hairs from my face, it was beautiful. genuinely. i was part of a community of other trans guys ("guys" here ranging from "100,000% binary ftm transsexual" to "transmasc nb who's just happy to be here") and we loved each other hard.

i think i started consciously having to push away real doubts about continuing to transition when i was pursuing top surgery. i really, truly, wasn't sure. but by that point, it felt almost expected of me from the one side, and absolutely forbidden on the other. and like, i don't know that i would have gone through with it if it was just our weird homoerotic groupthink, i was sick of my tits bc like. they're tits. they suck to live with regardless of how hot they are. i was sick and tired of choosing between binding (over ribs that had already been fractured at least once due to improper binding) or being misgendered. and i was exhausted of my parents telling me, at age 21, that i didn't have the right to do what i wanted with my body.

so i got top surgery. and, like, i was happy. but i think i knew i fucked up as soon as i woke up from the surgery. the surgeon didn't leave me with any areolas whatsoever, which i didn't think going in was even a possibility. and maybe this is trivial, but that sparked something in me that i was terrified to admit, and couldn't, until much later on: i felt dysphoria about not having my tits.

but like, i was committed to the bit, you know? i'd gotten used to being a guy, and it fit well enough, like a second-hand sweater. so i just kinda rode the wave as far as it would take me. i did my shots (with absolutely no regularity because through all 3 years i was on testosterone stabbing myself in the leg really never got less hard and scary) and if i was being real i would admit to myself that i was probably more transmasc than a trans *man*.

and then my brother died! of aforesaid cancer that my parents tried real hard to pray away. (to be clear, they also got him the best medical treatment they possibly could, they aren't full on religious nutjobs.) and, quite frankly, i hadn't realized before then how integral to my identity my brother was. (again, homeschooled military kid with exactly one similarly-aged person who was actually around for more than a couple years of my life.) it kinda broke the shell identity that i'd been hiding behind. i realized i had a responsibility to myself to be myself, and i just wasn't a fuckin trans guy.

so i stopped taking t, and i started opening myself up to dressing how i used to love dressing, before i got all truscummy. and i felt myself come back into my body a bit, for the first time in god only knows how long.

fast forward 3 (ish) long, godawful, miserable years of therapy and grief and more grief, and i'm a pretty well-adjusted nonbinary person. i have a wife and a 9-5 job and my creative drive has been returning in spades. but i'm still dysphoric about my tits. i miss them. i can't say whether i made a mistake in getting top surgery, because my mental health was so completely shot back then that it really might have saved my life in some way or other, but it feels like one now. they were pretty, and soft, and sensitive. i got my nipples pierced last year and literally could not feel it happening. i only have feeling in some parts of my chest. i look fine, and i've accepted that this is the body i chose to live in. but sometimes i wish i wasn't so afraid to talk about this feeling.

some of y'all talk a big game about supporting detrans folk, but i don't see it. in mainstream lgbtq+ culture, is it absolutely taboo to talk about detransitioning, and y'all know it is. and there is literally no one else speaking up for us. a lot of detrans people become anti-trans specifically due to the reception their detransition was given by the community. it is so transparently hostile towards us because we got it wrong. and if people can make mistakes, that might mean (*gasp*) you might make a mistake?? and then it's a Real risk and not a fake one that conservatives made up to scare the parents of trans kids. and we just can't have that.

shouldn't we be telling kids that in your life, you're going to do things you risk regretting, and it's okay, because everyone has regrets? it's not some trans-specific thing. i regret my college boyfriend and not taking better care of my first car. i also regret having top surgery. it's not a dirty word—i'm just some guy, and everyone fucks up, sometimes in life-ruining ways. mine wasn't life-ruining, just kinda hard to process. but man, it sure woulda been easier if literally the only welcoming community for detrans people wasn't coincidentally Extremely anti-trans 🙃

and like........ i'm also.... Still Trans? i detransitioned to the gender i was before i identified as ftm: nonbinary. i stopped my medical transition, i reverted back to they/them pronouns. i detransitioned, but the idea that only cis people detransition is overwhelmingly binarist if you think about it for more than 2 seconds. (idk if that's a word but i'm making it one. you literally know what i mean). i can participate in trans dialogue, but there are areas of my history that i just have to avoid because i'll start getting dirty looks.

so yeah. all that to say. please start including us. loudly. please make a safe space for people who made mistakes, because the only one that exists right now is built to radicalize us against the people for whom those choices weren't mistakes.

[frostbite-the-bat]

doodled some feelings on a bleed thru sketchbook page (text in alt text)

Congrats to Kalvin Garrah to successfully traumatizing a whole generation of both nonbinary and transmasculine people (is both) cringe culture sucks fuck transmeds

Anyways ramble below

I had a few other times I got misgendered as "he" through my sona art, because they were more masculine and ambiguous on purpose before I accepted I'm trans

I use the word accept because I fought it for a long time, and I was scared of suddenly changing my pronouns and stuff even while most of my friends at the time were literally furry trans girls - one day I bit the bullet and went by she/they and realized how unhappy feminine pronouns made me and so I just said OK Fuck You They Only. Then it evolved as we all know (Speaking of "it" I may throw that in my pronouns pile as well)

And honestly I'm proud now but it's a bit disheartening to look back at how much I suffered, due to the misinfo and queer/trans content I consumed. My feelings were basically undeniable but I kept lying to myself because I didn't want to be a "TRANNY TRENDER" because the YTbers who were cringe culture transmedicalists said so. Kid me and other people around me did NOT have to go through that and man I'm sorry to everyone who went through that if you questioned your gender identity around like 2016-2018

I kinda always knew I was queer and a flavor of aroace so I engaged with queer content online but as we all know that was the time any queer person was bullied and other queer people kept telling each other what the RIGHT WAY TO BE QUEER was oh are you fat are you afab did you dye your hair YOU TRANSTRENDER TUMBLRINA!! ugh it was so stupid but it harmed so many. Shit sucked back then

I remember I'd be crying during P.E. classes (majorly gendered, girls and boys were seperate) in the bathrooms because I just felt so wrong but I knew I can't be trans because to me at the time the only way to be trans was to be MAN TO WOMAN and WOMAN TO MAN only and I did have some dysphoria especially chest dysphoria hell I still experience that but I didn't have bottom dysphoria or voice dysphoria which people kept saying was NECESSARY and like. In the middle or nonbinary or other wasn't an option because THAT'S WHAT THE LIARS ARE!!

And just. Struggling to understand my feelings because I was so unhappy and I believed I myself was somehow convinced by THOSE TRENDERS to feel this way and that no I can't be this and AAHH. like. I know better now I grew up I'm literally a gendered little freak entity but. I don't know it's just so sad that me or anybody had to feel that way yknow??

So it's sweet to think about the times I did enjoy some Transgenderism without beating myself up over it much. Well, I would go at myself like "HEY WHY DID I LIKE BEING CALLED THAT" but I wouldn't be gripping my head crying over it yelling "WHAT THE FUCK AM I" over it yknow?

Another time was when I was going home from school and some boy behind me called out to me as he possibly mistook me for someone else - in a masculine way in Czech. Despite my long ass hair which is FOR GIRLS ONLAY (seriously anywhere I go I have the longest hair it goes up to my ass I'm very sensitive about cutting it. I both want to but also UGH LONG HAIR SWAG.)

And I turn around like huh? And the boy goes OHH SORRY you're a girl. And I go oh it's okay heehee

And I walk off like HEE HEE HEE HEHEHEE :33 :DDD ✨✨✨✨✨✨waigth why did I like being misgendered as a guy hold up

And just looking back at the wholesome silly moments rather than the ouchies wowchies IS VERY NICE AND FUN and I get to pope fun at young me like YEA sure kid MX. IM NOT TRANSGENDER

[construingseacats]

Ahoy! Just going to make a quick housekeeping post before we get cracking in a few days.

I'll be keeping the reread thoughts organised per chapter, and posting at a pace of around once per day. Note that this won't be uniform, so it might be closer to posting about 2-3 chapters twice per week. I'm aiming to read about 5-6 chapters a week, so that's the pace we're looking at. Needless to say, we're gonna be here for a good few months.

While Umineko has stuck with me for all these years, my memory isn't perfect, so there'll probably be a fair few points I've forgotten about until I'm refreshed on them. Obviously I know the "culprit", but I don't remember the finer details of the cases off the top of my head. I might refresh myself with Will's solution from Episode 7, but that'll be the extent of it.

That being said, very importantly for this reread, Death of the Author is in full effect. I know things were further clarified in the manga, and Ryukishi has gone on record saying that those were the canon answers. I know of Our Confession et al. I'm not taking those into account for this - we're going full purist, so if it's not in the original Episodes 1 through 8, it's fair game. I feel part of the magic of Umineko is that the catbox is never opened (I mean, isn't that the whole point of Episode 8?), so I'm not going to taint that with media that was released after the fact.

That also means this commentary is going to be for Episodes 1-8, and that's it (I say "that's it" as if going through the 1.1 million or so total words are a trivial affair, ha). If there's enough interest I might push into Last Note of the Golden Witch as an addendum, and I wouldn't be opposed to going through Purgatory of the Golden Witch as an afterword. Friendly reminder that Uminetta is a shining star in the community and one of the kindest, most wonderful souls out there.

Also, some quick information about me! Umineko is a very personal story, so what you get from it is drastically effected by the kind of person you are. The first time I read Umineko, I was a 17 year old kid from England getting ready to study Mathematics at University, who'd watched the anime at way too young of an age and wanted to read the proper story behind it. I was really interested in the mystery, but fell way too deep into the fantasy elements (even missing the obvious hints in Episode 3), and still didn't really get the truth of it even after Will's section in Episode 7 (even though I'd encountered the true identity of the culprit). I also fully knew I was asexual, and I'd kind of heard about transgenderism, but didn't really understand it. 10 years on, I'm still very much a writer at heart (and much better equipped to actually write well), a cog in the machine of capitalism desperately trying to escape and pursue more creative endeavours, and not quite sure what's going on under the hood but definitely not cis. I think pretty much all the gender themes went over my head on my first read of Umineko - it'll be interesting to see how much stuff hits close to home this time.

Anyway - starting on Wednesday. Will be going through the Prologue up to the end of Epitaph on the Portrait, then around 6 chapters a week from there, only stopping once we've gone through all 8 Episodes. I'm estimating we'll run for about 24 or 25 weeks, although that's assuming we don't stop for any breaks. Itll be a long journey to the Golden Land - so to anyone who ends up joining me on this, be it as it happens, or some time in the far future, I hope you enjoy it with me.

[possumcollege]

Explain to me the sides

Today a person on twitter explained to me that in their country- they didn't specify which but, it'll be clear why it doesn't matter in a sec- the concern around gender affirming care is that young girls are being "gaslit into into thinking they're transgender because they don't fit into the preconceived notion of femininity."

They then stated that the biggest spike in those seeking GAC were teenage girls , "the same demographic most susceptible to self-harming social contagions." They admitted that persistent gender dysphoria does exist, but then stated, "the problem is the lack of interest in weeding them out by a medical industry that receive lifelong patients from [GAC]"

"It's a difficult subject," they said, "with many on the Left advocating for the increased access to reduce harm to the potentially transgender children. Whilst many people on the Right and in the Center advocating for reduced access to reduce harm to false positives."

For context this arose because I found a political cartoon by someone terrified that "tomboys" were being preyed upon by the Homo-sexual Underground (not the artist's term) and railroaded into becoming trans instead of simply being a "cute girl."

This is why both-sides-ing an issue like GAC is goddamn near impossible right now. People who want to reduce access to care argue publicly that their concern is protecting children from irreversible harm foisted upon them by woke parents and an insidious LGBTQ agenda to inflate their numbers (and profits) by convincing impressionable kids that being trans is just the coolest goddamn thing. Some claim to support the need for people with gender dysphoria to receive treatment after they've been screened, and that's all they want to do, "weed out" the real cases from the patients looking for GAC like it's an ankle tattoo on vacation. They are concerned that people will regret it and the Trans agenda just wants their money.

The stated positions are fucking fictional coming and going, and just as binary as the gender identities conservatives largely support.

That interpretation is horseshit. For one, it's massively disingenuous, because a significant portion of the people who want to restrict access- Poster said reduce, but when you have to prove you deserve something, it's fucking restriction- want to keep people from receiving GAC because they think it's an affront to god, a sin, an abomination, or a plot dreamt up by Jews to dilute the power of Western Society. A significant portion of that "side" wants to hunt down and kill transgender people. That is a significant wedge of the pie to completely omit while pointing out the difference in people who support or oppose Gender Affirming Care.

Secondly, the stated intent for many on the Left is to funnel patients into the lifelong cash extraction scheme that is transgenderism. Why is this so strictly a Left vs. Right thing for these people? Because they're fucking lazy, but sorry, not the point. My point is, No. That is absolutely not even in the top 69 reasons people who support access to GAC claim. Anyone who believes in respecting the gender identity of others knows that it's harmful to force any gender standard, not just the ones we don't like. We don't just want more trans people.

For clarity, I don't ID as trans, but I do believe gender to be spectrum of possible states that a person can exist in, not determined by their reproductive anatomy. I believe trans men are men and trans women are women and everyone else is what they know themselves to be, even if that changes throughout their lives. When I say "We" please understand me to mean people who broadly view trans people as real people, deserving of self determination, happiness, and access to healthcare, unburdened by bigorty. Thanks.

We understand that a person's right to live their life in the identity that expresses their humanity, their personhood should go unfucked-with by people who want to enforce a false binary or defend the impressionable girlchildren of the world from their wanton fancies.

Saying "you don't look girl shaped so you have to be trans now", is just as evil as saying, "Of course you can receive care, but convince us first." The first is just not happening in clinics providing GAC and sacrilege to anyone believing in bodily autonomy. The second is happening now and it's killing people.

I say what country Poster is from is irrelevant because they were parroting the same lines that bigots use when they don't want to look like bigots, wheresoe'er they be. They ignore the contingent of anti-access proponents who want trans people killed or forced to live a fake life for the convenience of people who don't believe they are real. They completely made up a bizarre reason why pro-GAC folk support it. And I need to point out, they cited a concern that has historically been used to justify the torture, subjugation, mutilation, and dehumanization of women.

Referring to Gender Affirming Care as a "self-harming social contagion" is the kind of language doctors used in the late 19th, early 20th century to justify subjecting boys to painful devices and process to discourage masturbation, chemical castration of children and the "mental defectives," and literally lobotomizing girls who were deemed too wild and unruly. Look up Rose Kennedy if that sounds insane. It is. And they did it. This is the language of honor killings.

Couching opposition to GAC in an innocent desire to protect young girls from self-harm reinforces the notion that they are not capable of properly managing their own mental or emotional lives. Poster states that statistically, these young people are at the highest risk for suicide and self harm, while ignoring the crushing burden that being forced to present an identity that is not you places on a person. Young people are at heightened risk because they are under nigh inescapable pressure to live a life that is acceptable to others while subjugating their own needs and identity. It is paternalistic trash and it can fuck right off.

These talking points speak to a deeply flawed understanding of what gender affirming care even is. They sound like teens are fed into the Transgender Mill where their bodies are surgically mutilated into a humiliating parody of reality. Most of the time, people leave their first session with pamphlets. Maybe some referrals. Hormone Replacement Therapy, counseling, puberty blockers can be GAC. They can also help people suffering from conditions unrelated to gender identity. A very vocal segment of anti-access advocates seem to believe GAC just means genital reconstructive surgery. That's great for those who choose it, but it's not the only way a person can become trans. Transition is not a single destructive act that obliterates a healthy human in its execution.

I believe the poster may have conceivably been trying to present an equitable encapsulation of what they see as a complicated issue but the language they used bore the veneer constructed by people who admit they just think trans people are sick in less public settings.

So thanks, poster for explaining that both sides of the issue as you see it are entirely made up perspectives crafted by people who neither know or respect trans people, and wish to package their discomfort with the fluid potential of gender presentation as the duty of benevolent father figures to control young girls until they're old enough to become another man's problem.

[liskantope]

I really like your latest post. I feel parallels between your old girlfriend's behaviour and my feelings when I thought I should transition to the opposite gender. I feel that there's a similar 'spoonie' community for transgenderism, and I remember in 2013 that plenty of the 'old-school' trans people were saying that the new wave of trans identification wasn't genuine transsexuality.. but instead a psychological coping mechanism for something else, that wouldn't be helped by taking hormones.

Of course, I was someone who was wanting an easy fix, hearing 'if you take these medicines then your whole life will be so much better'. It sounded amazing. But the catch was.... I instantly started convincing myself that life wasn't worth living 'til I got hormones. I fell into a rabbit-hole like you describe your ex-gf falling into, with the spoonie communities. Bonding about a sometimes mutual pain, but the same people would give me the idea that any attempt (by people who didn't identify as trans) to deeply understand what I was going through was an act of 'transphobia'. This meant any questions outside of the pre-scripted ones that 'my group' could come up with, were bigoted.

but I genuinely was going through a horrible time, and this gave me a way to voice my feeling.... but taking hormonal-altering medications wasn't ever going to help. The only help would come when I could see further than the 'spoonie' trans people wanted me to. When I got out of that community, with the support of other people. When they were able to talk to me in reasonable terms, and talk to me like a normal person.... and understand that I was going through pain. The spoonie-transes used a bunch of weird jargon to describe normal concepts. I had to relearn that I could still think normally. My world was so much brighter when I was. The jargon only turned this magical world into a sort of grey corporate landscape reminiscent of Pixie-World in the Fairly Oddparents. Lol.

Thank you for sharing your story! (You sent a couple more long asks expanding on it but I'm not sure it's appropriate here to post them; thank you for elaborating regardless.)

There are lots of misery-spiral, it's-us-against-the-world, this-is-how-to-characterize-what's-wrong-with-you, and anyone-who-tells-you-otherwise-is-an-ignorant-asshole online communities out there for different people suffering in different ways. I already mentioned incels, and there are no doubt a number of both ultra-left and ultra-reactionary groups of this type. And yes, I am definitely concerned that some communities of this sort are contributing to the spike in older children / teenagers asking to transition, and that many very young people are rushing to this as a bandage in place of more difficult-to-find treatments of other psychological issues. Notice that I say "contributing" -- the trans activist explanation of much more acceptance and light shed on what it means to be transgender over the last ten years clearly also is also a contributing factor to more of the youth identifying as trans. And I don't know how many stories like yours there are compared to stories of kids turning out to look back on their transition as a lifesaver. To some extent, time will tell (over the next 5-10 years) to what extent some parts of society have gone overboard in encouraging kids to transition.

It's hard to know how common stories like yours are because there are so many disputes over the data and political pressures interfering with the whole thing. My level of concern about this (on a society-wide level, not my human concern for you and those with similar stories as individuals) depends on a number of factors I'm just not sure of, such as

how frequently psychiatrists nowadays encourage kids to transition under the pressure of a "you know yourself best" assumption being enforced as the ethical norm by some social movements

how frequently kids are put on hormones (rather than just changing their name/pronouns and presenting as another gender)

how frequently kids get approved for some kind of actual sex reassignment surgery (and adults for that matter -- it seems to me that sex reassignment surgery is a heavy-duty recourse that is somewhat rare even in the trans community, and hopefully would be rarer for kids, at least relative to how Walsh/Peterson types make it out to be)

I'm disturbed by the climate of fear around suggesting what you do in your ask(s) and feel like I'm even treading in slightly dangerous waters by giving voice to it. I notice that even types like Freddie de Boer (and a couple of others I can think of, in a less striking way), who are extremely vocal about the dangers of being sucked into mental-illness-happy or other grievance-happy communities, appear afraid of touching the trans youth issue with a twenty-foot pole (e.g. FdB bans people and shuts down his comments sections for weeks at a time if people point out the very obvious parallels between his criticism of Gen-Z mental-illness-happy culture and others' worries about Gen-Z trans activist culture, and I'm not suggesting these are absolutely analogous or that an intelligent rebuttal couldn't exist, just that FdB seems averse to directly addressing it for whatever reason). So it's left mainly to the right wing of the anti-woke intelligentsia to decry it and Republican politicians to pass draconian laws blanket banning various forms of youth medical transitioning in order to score points with today's conservatives.

This is all a mess and I hope we'll get to a place where all sides can discuss this in a cooler-headed way even though there are valid reasons why it's an issue that profoundly affects people's livelihoods in a deeply emotional way. I'm sorry that you went through what you did but glad that you've managed to overcome it and find the right kind of support in the end.

[d3nt4l-d4m4g3]

Can I ask advice on how to talk to my family about detransition as a teenager? I don't feel like my family respected or liked me before and I feel like they do now. I'm not pursuing medical transition so I wonder if I should wait to tell my family until after I move out. I just don't think I can have real honest relationships and conversations with my family or other people while denying I've experienced sexism and stuff anymore.

Hi dear anon. Of course you may ask.

Because I don't know your specific situation I may not be able to give you targeted advice. But I will say that talking to your family about detransitioning may be a lot easier than you fear.

Your parents did not grow up with trans people. They did not grow up with dozens of their peers and family members changing their identities and getting drastic cosmetic surgery. Not too long ago, even facial piercings and tattoos were considered taboo. The concept of transgenderism goes against age-old rules that says "don't harm children" and "you can't change yourself by altering your body and changing your name." Your parents want you to be healthy, and to thrive as a well-adjusted adult. Transitioning destroys both prospects; in detransitioning, you are claiming the healthy, long-lived future your parents wanted for you when they concieved you.

It was so difficult for me to tell everyone that I was detransitioning. I felt like a failure. I felt like I had gaslit my parents and loved ones for years. I had cost them money for therapy and doctors' appointments. in front of my mother especially, I felt ashamed. I also felt immense pressure from the trans community not to detransition because it 1) it would make the trans community look bad 2) I would be admitting that all those years in that community were for nothing. I would be a false trans person, unworthy of validation and support. I would be worthless because only trans people had worth.

You need to understand that the trans community works like a fundamentalist cult. There is a special place in hell for apostates: people who are inducted into the cult and then reject it. Because the stakes are so high—the apostate can destroy the doctrine of the cult from a foundational level because they have been inside it—there is a huge amount of energy exerted in the cult to keep members from leaving. The trans community exerts a huge amount of energy to isolate its members, convincing them their families don't love them, and those who truly understand them are exclusively its "queer trans chosen family".

But the cult is lying to you. Your family loves you. There are people in your past, present, and future outside of this community—all of the world—who want you to be healthy and happy enough to accept who you are.

I was very surprised when my mother opened her arms to me, the prodigal daughter, though I shouldn't have been—i was just brainwashed to believe I did deserve disgust. My mother happy I am healthy, and I am talking to her again even if she probably wouldn't have chosen to have a lesbian for a kid.

You can't pick your family. I understand not feeling like your family "likes you." I'm definitely a black sheep in my family, and it often felt like anything I did would be perceived as wrong to them. When I transitioned, I was constructing a whole new identity out of scratch. Including the identity that existed within my family. Naturally, with this fresh new start I wanted to upgrade how my family thought of me. Transitioning is all about changing yourself based on how others people perceive you. So I altered my personality to the "boy version" of myself, to a "son and brother" in my family that I thought they wanted. And some people in my family liked that version of me better than who I was pre-transition. My sister and I, for instance, were never as close as we were when I was transitioned.

But however much your family likes that performance of yours, trust me, there's nothing like the truth. You are spot-on that the language and practice of transitioning prevents you from having honest conversations about the sex-based oppression you and all other women face, and you cannot have an honest relationship.

And your parents must miss having an honest relationship with their child. Mine did. Mine thank me.

There's nothing like calling your child the name you gave her when she was born, after her making her swear never to say it again.

And you know what? You aren't gonna be your old self after you detransition. Detransition changes you, gal. When you realize that trans is a scam, you experience ego death: "the complete loss of subjective self-identity". You are forced to accept that the things that you thought made up who you are: your gender identity, your name, your clothing, your mannerisms—all that is gone. You have the opportunity now to reevaluate what really matters to you. The person who your parents meet will be a wiser person. It is very possible that you will obtain an even more honest, loving, and deep relationship with your parents after this experience. I certainly did.

Do it. Don't waste another minute not being your real honest self. If not for your parents, for your own peace of mind. You're gonna be great. You're gonna be fine. There is a movement of us building. You are not nearly as alone as you feel. I'm right behind you. Hang in there.

[david-goldrock]

Actually, most scolars in the middle ages got to the conclusion that god is non-binary

The following are the reasons:

1. God is not a human, acting as if he has gender is demeaning to such a being

2. God has created both men and women "in his image" so he must have both of their characteristics (btw, because of acient Hebrew Grammer, this famous sentence can mean "god has created man in his image, and also, unrealtedly, he has made them male and female", but let's not get into it)

3. God is describes both in fatherly and husbandly ways in the second creation story, and many times as a mother later

Generally speaking, it is common in Jewish tradition that the bible isn't literal, but rather a metaphore so we can understand some of what god says, therefore the idea of god as a personal figure isn't real, but a metaphore to get us to understand (just as a father explains to their child that "electricity bites, so don't touch the socket", electricity doesn't actually bites, but this is an idea a child can understand)

That said, gender roles were very strict in Jewish human society. Homosexuality, crossdressing, transgenderism and others were very not excepted, and would get you similar punishments to sacrificing your kids to the molech and sleeping with your aunt while your uncle watches (ויקרא כ has some of the most insane things I have ever read, recommend it highly).

Some modern scolars think that Jews had many genders back in the day, but this is not a common idea

In conclusion: god is non-binary, but if you want a dress we will stone you love, aright?

God I am so happy this idea is dropped in the secular and reform branches of judaism

“God is a woman” Well actually according to the original text of the Torah God doesn’t have a gender and is referred to with both he/him and she/her pronouns so…

[ramshacklefey]

This is a hard topic because on one side you've got right-wingers who see ANY sex ed or mention of homosexuality as inappropriate. On the other, people who recognise transgenderism is very different from being gay and that postmodernism is being taught in schools, uncontested, as fact, & child safeguarding best practice being ignored (encouraging keeping secrets from parents, rooming adult men with young girls on trips, etc). There is starting to be major pushback in my country (UK)

Hey there Nonnie! I appreciate your message, but in order to reply to it I'm gonna be giving you a long-ass answer.

To begin with, I'm referring specifically to the accusations leveled by certain members of the right-wing media recently. Here's a link to a decent summary of that situation. This isn't your normal conservative fussing over providing sexual education to minors. These people are claiming that telling children about the existence of LGBT people is tantamount to sexual assault, and that the object/result of doing so is to make children vulnerable to sexual assault by LGBT people.

That is the kind of rhetoric that I was wondering about counting as libel or slander. Someone in the notes on my original post explained that in order to be slanderous, you have to being making claims about a specific person (which they've carefully avoided), and those claims have to do significant damage to the person's safety, reputation, or livelihood (which these claims probably would if they were made about a particular person).

Now I'd like to address your other claims.

First, no gay or transgender person has ever claimed that being gay and being transgender are the same thing. In fact, as a transgender man, I can assure you that the only people who equate the two are those who want to suggest that being gay is a bad thing.

Second, you seem to be mistaking "any kind of non-traditional ideas about gender" with "postmodernism." I'll spare you my lecture on that one, because I understand how you might have gotten the idea that they were the same thing. Now, I confess that I am unaware of the specifics of most school curricula regarding these matters, since I am a PhD candidate and have no school-aged children. As far as I'm aware thought, in the few places where kids are receiving any education about gender identity and sexuality, it is mostly of the same sort as other educational resources for widening children's acceptance and celebration of diversity. Whether you think that a transgender person's claims about their gender are true or not, I think it is at least reasonable to say that teaching children to be kinder and more accepting of those with different views and experiences from theirs is a good thing.

It is unfortunate that the current state of our education system rarely encourages students to fully explore or engage in conversation about almost any topic. There are countless examples of topics in history, sociology, literature, and other subjects where students simply receive a set lecture as dogma without much nuance. Often though, part of the reason is because the actual conversations about the subject take place at a level of theory that is far too advanced for children of the age group in question to be able to engage with meaningfully. It's easier to give them a simplified version.

Thirdly, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "child safeguarding best practices," but I'll take a stab at replying anyway. If we are being optimistic, it seems safe to say that the vast majority of teachers are people who care very much about children. They want their schools to be a safe environment, and they want their students to be safe and healthy on the whole. Let's start with that assumption and ask why teachers or school administrators would "encourage keeping secrets from parents." Honestly, I don't think that anyone is encouraging kids to keep secrets from their parents. But many children would become less safe if they were to tell their parents that they are LGBT. If a child tells their teacher that they are unsafe in their home or are afraid that their parents would harm them emotionally or physically if they knew the child was gay, lesbian, or transgender, then we might ask whether it is reasonable for that teacher to respect the child's confidence. This only becomes more the case the older the child is, as older teenagers have increasing rights to privacy from their parents.

I'm also assuming that when you refer to "rooming adult men with young girls on trips" you are thinking of a situation in which a transgender woman is intended to share a room with female students that she is chaperoning. Calling this an unsafe practice only makes sense if you are already assuming that transgender women are somehow a threat to teenage girls. There's simply no evidence for this. No matter how many times people repeat it, the idea that transgender women are more likely than any other women to assault or harass girls is unsupported.

There is absolutely no evidence that teaching children about the existence of LGBT people or about conceptions of gender that are outside the societal mainstream is harmful to them. There is no way in which this could possibly be construed as sexual assault or "grooming" children to be preyed upon by gay or transgender adults. In fact, there is good reason to believe that providing children with age-appropriate information about human bodies, romance, and sexuality makes them less vulnerable to sexual abuse, because it gives them the conceptual tools to understand what sexual abuse is and to communicate to other adults if it were to happen to them.

Claiming that gay or transgender adults are more likely to sexually abuse children is spreading a lie that not only does nothing to protect children from actual abusers, but also reinforces bigoted and hateful attitudes towards LGBT people. These attitudes end up harming LGBT children, who are more likely to suffer abuse of all sorts from those around them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that it was helpful and informative for you. If you have any further questions, my askbox is open, though I can't promise I'll have the time or energy to answer you.

Cheers! --RamshackleFey.