#And they laugh and refuse at first bc they're worried they're going to slip and cut him in half or something

[teyrnacousland]

For the Rook & Companions Asks: 2 & 15, any and all rooks you want to answer for :D

I am going to eagerly take this opportunity to talk about my newer, less developed (but no less loved) Rooks, Lyric and Valrun! Thank you ♥

Rook & Companion Questions

2. Do they like Harding's cooking?

Lyric de Riva does not. Lyric de Riva is, however, quite good at sleight of hand. Did she enjoy the food? Well, it's all gone from her plate now, isn't it? That has to mean something! (She genuinely thinks she has to lie about this and believes that if she didn't, Harding would stop liking her and also everyone would stop following her because what kind of selfish, awful hero can't even appreciate when a friend cooks for her?)

She confesses to the lie years later, at Harding's grave. She knows now that Harding would forgive her.

---------

Valrun Ingellvar does actually enjoy it! Her food is simple and comforting. It's... homey? In a way that makes them think about what it would've been like to be raised in a normal house and family like Harding had. Not to mention that they really appreciate that Harding was thoughtful enough to adjust her recipes for them and Emmrich. That alone makes their yam and jam slam taste all the better.

They are, however, determined to find a way to fix it, to help everyone else enjoy her cooking too. They try to explain what they like about it, but Lucanis and Bellara just stare at them and shake their heads. They try to slip in extra ingredients, or new toppings, but they're not exactly an expert in the kitchen themselves. They try to recruit Lucanis to help but he tells them it's a lost cause. They're going to find a way though, someday. There's no such thing as a lost cause.

15. Bonus: What is one thing a companion does to cheer up your Rook if they're feeling down?

Lyric, as her name may suggest, enjoys music. Whenever she's upset, she finds herself in the Lighthouse's music room at the piano. It's one of these times, when she's sitting and tapping away at random melodies, that Spite wanders in. Her first thought is "oh shit" because Lyric de Riva knows about as much about magic as your average Thedosian. She's not sure if she should call for a mage, or aim for the heart, or play dead.

But Spite just asks her about the sounds. The music? She asks if he likes it. She runs through a couple different tunes and asks which ones he likes best. She sings every song she can think of that has the word 'spite' in the lyrics. Spite's not sure he fully understands this music thing, but he understands that Lyric is smiling and laughing now. The next time she's upset, Spite tries to get Lucanis to make her play a song.

----------

Valrun has a tendency to withdraw when they're upset. They usually find somewhere high up they can climb to and sit by themselves, so no one can find them. (Does it help? No. But do they feel better when they come back down? Also no.)

Davrin catches on and starts sending Assan after them. Assan nuzzles and nips at them until they give in and agree to follow him back to Davrin. He tells them if they're going to sulk, they should at least sulk somewhere comfortable. They sit down in the chair by Davrin's desk and he works on his wood carvings. Valrun doesn't say anything, and neither does Davrin. They just watch him, curled up with Assan by their feet. (It helps.)

[yes-this-account-is-alive]

no anon ig time to get exposed ;-; djhfbfjdjd

anyways can i request yoru , phoenix , jett , and killjoy with a chaotic reader who is also very clumsy ? tysm dhdbdndnjdn

welcome to my page lmao,, don't worry we're all simps over 2d characters here- except that i wasn't sure whether this is for simping since you didn't specify so- uh up to interpretation

Yoru

-edgy statue, hyper human

-he WILL NOT help you for the first slip up of each day

-and WILL laugh at you

-meanie.

-catches you after the first one though, acts so annoyed by it whenever he stops your face from kissing the ground instead of him jkjk unless??

-usually either grabs you by the hood of your jacket or holds you still with his hand on your shoulder

-isn't usually up for your chaotic antics unless it's against phoenix

-he 110% joins if it includes messing with jamie ONG.

-if you tell him your plan and he thinks you'll get in mad trouble for it, he's picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder

-he then walks off in the opposite direction with you trying to get out of his grasp lol

"you're going to get hurt, idiot."

Phoenix

-both of you are terrible istg

-shaking my head stupid mindless humans

-valo proto is so sick and tired of both of y'all like omg stop running around??

-y'all have ran into viper and reyna when they drink coffee and they're this 👌 close to murking y'all

-you clumsy? bro he sees you fall and somehow he falls too like huh destiny bond what

-tries to body block your fall

-STRAIGHT UP DIVES LOL?

-also 2000% down if it's trolling yoru

-after you both tire out they'll find y'all sleeping in the most uncomfortable poses in the living room

-neon throws two big blankets over your bodies and walks away

-NOT before raze takes embarrassing photos of your sleeping faces

-she sends them in the group chat after lmao

"let's stick toilet paper on yoru's pants!"

Jett

-half up to it, half not up to it

-she joins in if it's a little fun but not if she knows she's gonna maaaaaad piss someone off

-also stops you from doing anything too outta the line

-if you're gonna bump into anything or anything/you fall as a result of your very slippery limbs

-she sends a little wind to tilt you or the object back up

-hell, she uses a gust strong enough to push you back into your room if you won't trust her judgement lmao

-funny sight for the other agents and herself as you try your best to walk against it

-other option: you get tickled until you're on the floor dying of laughter

-at the end of the day, she sees how tired you are and offers to share her ramyeon with you ^^

-...eating jett's ramyeon and tteokbokki UGH

-CHEESE RAMYEON AND TTEOKBOKKI AOWIEKEKBWIEH

-sorry off topic

-she loves seeing the smile on your face the second you eat her cooking

"heyyyy, i made your favourite~"

Killjoy

-nope not joining

-will gladly watch though

-might stop you from doing anything dumb but sometimes lets you do it so you learn

-inventor type mindset LMAO

-she WILL stop you if you're planning on using her bots or her lab though

-her priorities are straight or are they? haha wink wink nudge nudge ahowoehekebbe

-honey, she loves you but not enough to sacrifice her botties.

-is not amused when her turret runs off with you

-you feel like you're being chased down? DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE.

-kj hauling ass after you faster than neon ong

-made a gadget that has like gyro sensors and shit that holds you in place if you're boutta fall

-she just gives you the neutral face of displeasure when you come back to her with a bandage bc sage refuses to heal your dumbass 😮‍💨

-will have alarmbot watching your ass for the rest of the day

"nothing wrong with trial and error, but could you please stay put? you have TEN bandages!"

[fuwahiko]

NOT ME TAKING LITERAL DAYS TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH BACKSTORY I WANTED TO GIVE THIS AND ACCIDENTALLY CLOSING THE APP AND LOSING WHAT I HAD WHEN I WAS FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE I-

Im a disaster but i finally got my head on straight alright HERE'S SOME OUMOTA FOR YA

SO. The V3 kids have gone on the town to hang out. Why? They were sick of always going to Amami's house. They needed a change of scenery. What are they doing? Karaoke? Bowling? Who knows. But they're all making fun of each other.

Their collective love language towards each other is bullying.

At some point, a lot of people get hungry. Miu, for some ungodly reason, yells at Kokichi to go and order for them. And bring the food down when it's done. For some even ungodlier reason, Kokichi agrees. Without an argument. Not even an insult.

He does kiss Kaito while flipping everyone off before walking off, but now everyone's scared of what the gremlin's planning. Only Kaito's safe if Kokichi's got something planned. Boyfriend priveleges work...sometimes.

With Kokichi, he's waiting for everyone's food when someone shouts his name...or something close to it. Intrigued, he turns around and immediately tenses up. But only slightly.

It his ex-boyfriend. Kokichi never wanted to see this ex (who i call Fuckface McAsshole) again. It wasn't healthy, and when he tried to break it off, said ex lost it and dragged shit out for a week and a half. Kokichi was about to turn and rush towards Kaito and the others, because safety in numbers (plus Kaito could throw a mean punch), but the ex got there first. He had also accidentally left his phone on the table with the others.

There was no calling for help. Kokichi was stuck.

So he was forced to play the long game. He didn't wanna make a scene in such a public place. He let his ex talk and talk and talk while retaining none of what he was saying. When the ex noticed Kokichi wasn't listening, he commented. ("...why aren't you listening to me, Ko? Got somewhere better to be? With people that actually want you around? Fucking doubt it.")

When he hears that, Kokichi snaps. Not completely, but enough to get snappy

"Actually, my friends and boyfriend are waiting on their food. I'm here to get their food. And I can't hear the person calling out numbers because of your blabbering. So be quiet."

Kokichi knew he shouldn't have snapped. He knew as soon as his ex's eyes widened, then narrowed. He'd never admit it, but that look made him slightly nervous.

From there, everything escalates very quickly. Quicker than Kokichi anticipated. It's about to get real ugly in two seconds. And everyone's going to hear and stare at whatever's going to go down.

......soooooo now i hand it off to you. What exactly happens between Kokichi and his ex? How do the V3 kids find out about all this, and how do they react? How does Kokichi react after that fiasco? And what do they all (extra emphasis on Kaito bc Oumota) do to try and comfort and/or cheer up Kokichi after THAT?

(Did i listen to "Happier than Ever" by Billie Eilish when i thought of this...maybe i did and maybe i didn't. You can't prove anything.)

this is a really interesting scenario! kokichi feeling so backed up into a corner like that is certainly unusual, for one thing.

ok ok so I like the idea of like, kokichi trying to work on himself a lot. dude needs therapy. and in this au I can see it being the case that kokichi has been working through stuff a lot and has managed to become so close with everyone because of that - like I'm sure in a non despair au he wouldn't be quite so... ~the way that he is~ anyway, but he'd likely still have a lot of issues and struggle to get along with everyone at first, but then with some encouragement from someone he trusts and gets along with more (kaito? maybe someone else? maybe it's more of a slowburn with him getting closer to kaito?) he'd eventually start going to therapy and start slowly working on himself, as well as starting over with some people he maybe started off on the wrong foot with before. it might take some time, but eventually even the people that really didn't get along with him start to open up a little and try to understand him more, and he does the same for them. everyone sees how hard kokichi is trying, and he's really changing for the better, and that inspires them to work on themselves too and it brings everyone a lot closer.

so. when kokichi's ex shows up, it stirs all of this awfulness inside of him, all of this bitterness. it ends up starting to pull at the worst things within kokichi, trying to bring it all to the surface, and kokichi is trying his hardest to stop himself from saying something horrible, from making a scene, from making every stranger in the area turn to look at him with that look that makes him want to disappear. he's trying so hard not to fall back into old habits and old behaviours; he's been working so hard and finally things are looking up for once.

but then he slips up.

he knew he shouldn't have said anything, but his ex wasn't going to leave him alone anyway, and suppressing his own emotions was getting too difficult, so he had to do something. but now his ex was glaring at him even more than before, and kokichi could feel the rage radiating from him, and he immediately regretted ever opening his mouth. but he'd already come this far, and his ex had backed him so far into the corner that all kokichi could do was bite back just as hard.

kokichi's ex raised his voice, and it was like the floodgates had been opened. everything he was saying was blurring together into an endless string of sharp needles that pierced into kokichi, targeting all of his weak points, hurting him over and over, each needle piercing deeper than the last. kokichi snapped back, his own voice just as loud, throwing insult after insult and trying to dig up all that he could think of to hurt him back, trying to find just the right words to hurt his ex even deeper than he had hurt him, all the while a smirk spread across his face as kokichi pretended like he was enjoying himself, enjoying this conflict, but with every word he fired back he only felt more hatred towards himself. it was a form of self destruction, and now that he'd started hurting himself, kokichi didn't know how to stop.

just when kokichi felt like his own self hatred was going to swallow him whole, he half-registered footsteps growing louder just out of view. then, before he knew it, suddenly his ex was being lifted off the ground in front of him.

kokichi's eyes widened as he finally processed what he was looking at. it was kaito. kaito was here and he had grabbed the ex by his shirt and lifted him up, a furious expression spread across kaito's face.

"the fuck are you doing to kokichi?!" kaito practically roared as he held his free hand in a fist.

after maybe a brief moment of relief, kokichi felt fear and panic grab hold of him, and when he met eyes with kaito he seemed to immediately understand exactly what he was feeling.

kaito let go, letting kokichi's ex drop and stumble as he found his footing. "sorry. I wasn't gonna do anything, I didn't mean to scare you." kaito looked ashamed now, and he turned away from kokichi for a moment. kaito had been working on himself a lot too, specifically dealing with anger issues and his tendency to resort to violence when things got hard to deal with, and he'd been making a lot of progress. kaito knew he would've decked this guy if kokichi hadn't looked so upset, and he felt horrible about it. he felt awful that he was just reverting back to his usual ways, and he felt even more awful because he'd made kokichi feel worse, even if only for a second. he felt like such a disappointment. kokichi felt horrible too, and he felt like it was his own fault that kaito had gotten so worked up, that if he'd just dealt with his ex in another way then kaito never would've gotten dragged into this. kokichi had brought the worst out of himself, and now he felt he was doing the same to kaito, pulling him down with him.

just then, security showed up and asked them to leave. kokichi and kaito both had the thought of telling them that the ex was the problem and that they'd just been going about their day until he started shit, but neither of them said anything, just left without making any more fuss. they gave them their money back for the food at least, but now the whole thing had just been a waste.

when they grouped up with the others outside again, kaito holding kokichi's hand as they walked, everyone was chatting and laughing together as they had been doing all day, but they all quickly realised something was up as they saw how shaken kokichi looked and how kaito's face was scrunched up with frustration. of course they'd also seen that the two of them were empty handed, but that wasn't their main concern.

"guys? what's wrong?" kaede rushed over to see them, a look of worry spread across her face. kaito squeezed kokichi's hand a little tighter as he told them all what he'd walked in on. he decided to do the talking himself, knowing kokichi was struggling at the moment and not wanting him to have to explain everything on top of that. he didn't really know what had been happening exactly, but he'd gathered that this guy had been kokichi's ex, and he knew he'd started something with kokichi because he knew that kokichi would never start anything like that himself now.

maki suggested they all move to somewhere quieter, so they headed down a nearby street that lead to an open area with a park that was surrounded by a long wall that was low enough to sit on. kaito sat with kokichi on the wall, pulling him in close at his side and wrapping his arm around him firmly, reassuringly. kaede sat on kokichi's other side, speaking gently and offering to let him borrow her earphones to listen to some music to help him calm down. he refused, but he appreciated the thought. himiko sat on the grass at his feet in silence, but he knew her well enough now to know she was trying her best to support him, even if she didn't know what to say or do. shuichi and maki sat down beside kaito, who was calmer now, but concerned for kokichi and still upset with himself.

"it's all my fault..." kokichi mumbled sadly, his head resting against kaito and his hand clinging onto his shirt. "it's not your fault. he started it, didn't he?" kaito questioned, already knowing the answer. "not that. I mean... I got you involved." kaito ran the hand that was holding kokichi up and down gently along his arm to comfort him, his free hand reaching to stroke his hair. "don't worry about that, that's not your fault at all. I shouldn't have lost my cool. ...sorry again about startling you." kokichi shook his head. kaito felt kokichi's body start shaking, and he realised he was crying. "I'm the worst... I'm the worst, I'm the worst, I'm the worst." kokichi cried as he buried his face further and tried to hide away. "nothing's changed, I'm just as shitty and horrible and worthless as I always have been... I should've just... done things different... but I did the same as I always do..."

of course. kaito finally realised the real reason why he was so upset. sure he was upset over his ex showing up and the nasty things he'd been saying, but now that they were away from him he was more upset with himself than anything, because he'd worked so hard and he felt like none of that work had actually gotten him anywhere. he felt like change wasn't possible, because if he'd reacted that way then to him that surely meant that he was exactly the same as he'd always been, despite how much he'd tried.

"hey. that's not true and you know it." kaito was about to continue, but miu interrupted. "yep, that's bullshit. ha! if you think you're terrible, that guy sounds ten times worse! what a loser." gonta also spoke up, obviously very upset that anyone would raise their voice at his friend. "hmm... that not how gentleman should act. should be polite, even if ex doesn't like you."

"kokichi, we can all see how far you've come and how hard you've been working, so please don't beat yourself up over this one time. that guy is the one at fault, he put you in a difficult position, a really difficult position, and you wouldn't have reacted that way otherwise." kaede reassured him. "she's right, you wouldn't do that unless you felt you had no other choice." shuichi agreed as he handed kokichi some tissues. kokichi had calmed down somewhat, but he needed to get his emotions out still, so everyone waited patiently, offering words of support every so often, kaito still holding him and placing a few kisses on the top of his head, until kokichi stopped crying and pulled away, sitting up and drying his eyes.

angie jumped up off of the grass. "we should do something fun!" rantaro looked up at her from where he was sitting. "you mean like a distraction?" "nyahahaha! yes! doing something fun will help kokichi take his mind off things and feel better!" "do you have something in mind?" kiibo asked. angie thought about it for a moment. "hmm... nope!" rantaro sighed. "we shall just have to think of something, and we should also find somewhere else to eat as well." kirumi said as she stood up, dusting off the front and back of her dress.

ideas began getting thrown around and the atmosphere lightened up quickly - everyone chatting and suggesting fun things to do together, kokichi just quietly listening, but feeling a lot more comfortable again and appreciating his friends' efforts to cheer him up. it wasn't too long before kokichi was joining in, though, and everyone was relieved to see him slowly returning to his usual self; a bit immature, sometimes annoying, but funny, sweet, so full of life. kokichi was someone they'd all grown to love, no matter how things might have started out for some of them with him, and he wasn't at all who he thought he was when he was feeling down on himself. they hoped that one day kokichi would finally understand that.

[narumi-gens]

ukai decides to propose. you've already talked about it, you KNOW you want to spend your lives together, he knows hopes you'll say yes.

(his heart might never recover if you don't)

so he goes about buying a ring. he steals a ring of yours when you're asleep for sizing purposes. selecting a ring wasn't as hard as he'd thought it would be — he knew his budget, he knew what you liked (he's known you your whole life). so he goes out and buys a pretty little silver band inlaid with three tiny diamonds. it's a little heavy on his wallet, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. you deserve nice things.

then came the planning of the actual proposal. this was, he realized, significantly harder than he'd thought it would be.

maybe he should keep it simple? dinner followed by a walk under the stars. he'll get down on one knee and—no. isn't that too cliché? he can do better.

an elaborate treasure hunt throughout your house? maybe he can make up clues based on all the memories you've made together: eating dinner on the floor the first night of moving in because the dining table was too hard to assemble, or learning the importance of separating whites and colours when your favourite white blouse comes out the washing machine stained a murky blue because of that damn t-shirt of his. or something to do with that time you'd had a stomach bug and he'd nursed you through it, staying by your side even after you'd thrown up on him.

no, he decides, it'd be bad if you couldn't connect the clues to these events. besides, he's no literary genius. coming up with elaborate prose for the clues is not a task he considers himself capable of.

then what?

ukai is standing in the karasuno gym, thumbing at the ring box sitting snugly inside his jacket pocket. he'd taken to carrying it around with him after you'd almost stumbled upon the ring hidden behind the plants you'd insisted on keeping in the house.

he's exhausted his creativity racking his brain for ideas. everything he could come up with seemed too cliché, or too cringey, or just downright stupid. he's suddenly brought back to reality when takeda clears his throat next to him, 'is everything okay?' falling from his lips, tone polite as ever.

fuck, he shouldn't be zoned out during practice. he really needs to put a stop to this. ukai looks at the man standing next to him. maybe he could help? takeda was a poet at heart, after all, so he should be able to come up with a romantic proposal.

ukai confides in him, accepting the congratulatory pat takeda gives him. by now, this little interaction has attracted the attention of the nut more curious of his boys. tanaka, nishinoya, hinata gather around him with kageyama creeping up behind them. he can tell that the other members are listening in too, just not as obviously.

'what's the matter, coach?'

ukai eyes his team. it wouldn't hurt to tell them, right? they don't really come into contact with you all that often, and when they do, it's for brief moments only, when you're popping in to drop off his keys or his wallet that he'd forgotten at home.

'i'm, uh, thinking of proposing. bought the ring and everything, just need to come up with a plan now.'

dead silence echoes throughout the gym before complete mayhem breaks out.

he's being congratulated simultaneously by sawamura, azumane, and ennoshita while tanaka and nishinoya are huddled together on the floor, weeping tears of happiness (at least, ukai thinks they're tears of happiness. you can never tell with these two.) tsukishima goes back to sipping at his drink, while yamaguchi's eyes light up, much like yachi's. shimizu, too, offers him a soft smile and a congratulations before tanaka pipes up.

'can we see the ring?!'

well, they already know, so ukai reckons it wouldn't do much harm to let them see it. he reaches into his pocket and takes out the box, flipping it open to reveal the silver band wedged inside. the team crowds around him, oohs and aahs falling from their mouths. tanaka nods somberly, a finger stroking his chin, as he mutters, "excellent choice, coach. she's going to say yes."

"who's going to say yes?"

fourteen pairs of eyes land on you, holding so many emotions in them, from amusement to sheer panic. you stand at the door of the gymnasium, holding ukai's lunch. he'd accidentally taken yours today, so you thought you could pop in to exchange it and see your boyfriend while doing so. but the scene you happened upon was completely unexpected.

ukai scrambled violently with something in his hands, while takeda looked like he'd seen a ghost. the kid with the goatee was panicky, his eyes flitting around for an escape. the two shortest of the bunch were fidgeting with whatever keishin was holding, apparently trying to help him with it.

keyword: trying.

all the jostling and shoving they did managed to knock the thing out of keishin's hands. you squint as it flies through the air — was that a box? — as keishin desperately tries to get to it before it lands in front of you.

he draws on every single diving receive he'd ever done in his entire life and swoops across the gymnasium, towards you.

he does not get there in time.

the box clatters to the ground in front of you, keishin landing there a second later. you're still stuck trying to process the situation, but you have enough presence of mind to lean down and pick up the box, finally being able to see its contents.

oh. oh.

keishin thumps the ground with his first before he looks up at you, eyes filled with resignation. he's quite the sight - his hair had slipped out of his hairband and his nose was bleeding. yet he drags himself to sit up on one knee.

you've already seen the ring. might as well get it over with.

keishin opens his mouth, ready to launch into an unrehearsed speech, cursing the universe with every fiber of his being for making things turn out this way. but you don't give him a chance to say anything.

his eyes widen before he's knocked to the ground by you flinging yourself on top of him. you're hugging him, face buried in his neck, whispering 'yes, yes, yes, always, a thousand times yes' and suddenly he can't bring himself to care about the awkwardness of the situation.

keishin laughs before sitting up, bringing you with him. he gently separates you from him before taking the ring tightly clutched in your palm and slipping it onto your finger. the whole scene feels a little too intimate for a high school gymnasium, but it's only fair that it happens here, he thinks. after all, this is where he'd realised he loved you, all the way back when you two had been first years.

he blinks back the tears suddenly clouding his eyes and restrains the urge to kiss you senseless right there. the two of you had created enough drama for the day. instead he settles for kissing the inside of your wrist as he laces his fingers through yours, before lifting them up in the air, as if announcing his victory.

the entire gymnasium burst into cheers once again. this time it was asahi and kinoshita in tears while hinata and nishinoya jumped around in joy. takeda was grinning ear to ear when he gave you his congratulations, followed shortly by daichi and sugawara. and you could've sworn you saw the senior manager's eyes flit to the bald-headed boy, a blush coating her cheeks. but that was something for another day.

today, right now, you would celebrate. sure, the proposal had been far from ideal, but keishin was yours and you were his and you found yourself wishing it would be this way forever.

i do not know what this is but this scenario refused to leave my mind unless i wrote it down aaaa

sorry for the long ass ask!! please feel free to ignore i just wanted to share ❄️

....anon....I am SPEECHLESS!!!! what did do to deserve such a wonderful anon who drops such amazing things in my inbox 😭😭 (and while I may be slow to reply bc...life...ugh... don't worry anon, I would never ignore something like this!!!! god, nothing gets me more than dorky, lame, grumpy ukai who's such a sweetheart and so soft and I'm just DYING over this.

everyone be jealous of my amazing anon 💕

(also don't catch me going through all my ukai wips that haven't been touched in a year+. nope, definitely not doing that... 👀)

[ghostnebula]

okay self indulgent ask about waterpolo bc i played it and it doesn't even have to be about waterpolo specifically i just desperately need hc's about richie being a waterpolo player and eddie being a swimmer and they hate each other for stupid unknown reasons until they're showering off in the lockerrooms one day uwu

90% of what “goes down” is that Eddie actually sees Richie naked for the first time, because he stayed later than usual (swim practice ends before water polo) to get some extra laps in, even though the rest of the team has already gone home. And Richie’s one of the stragglers from the water polo team, like always, so he’s pretty much just getting into the shower as all his teammates are packing up and filing out.

Eddie’s a huge slut anyway, and he owns it, because this is college and he’s finally free from his shithole hometown and his mother’s influence, which means he has had the sexual awakening of the century, and fully embraced the fact that he is gayer than a rainbow. So he knows what the fuck he is talking about when he says Richie Tozier is hung. Like, he knew it was big, but seriously, what the fuck? And how the fuck is that fair? That guy is annoying as shit. How come the guy who makes Eddie want to rip his own hair out gets to have such a nice dick? It’s not like Eddie’s ever going to want to fuck him.

(Oh wait, shit, don’t think about fucking him)

And maybe he shouldn’t have looked, but you know what? Curiosity may have killed the cat, but satisfaction-- (no!)

The other 10% of what goes down is that by the time Eddie’s laid out his toiletries all neatly and pulled his stupid little shower shoes on, it’s just the two of them in the locker room, and Trashmouth hasn’t said anything to him yet but he always does, doesn’t he? He’s always got some jibe or remark or witty (shitty) nickname and he keeps calling Eddie “Wheezy” ever since he had a panic attack during practice that one time and he’s always so fucking smug, and he’s stupidly pretty for being such a dorky-looking creature, and Eddie wishes he would fuck him-- what, no--

No, Trashmouth isn’t teasing him or calling his ass juicy or anything else that makes Eddie burn with lust hatred. He’s just singing Africa to himself because he’s a fucking dork, after all, and not someone all cool and suave like he pretends to be, and then Africa is sounding strangely close, and Eddie looks up from scrubbing himself down with lavender soap to find Richie’s moved to a showerhead much closer to him, and while Eddie stares he winks.

Eddie goes back to scrubbing himself faster, because he does not want to get roped into a conversation with this fucking guy, no thank you, not Stupidly Hot Trashmouth Tozier and his... his fucking horse cock, no way. Except then there are hands on his shoulders and he’s being crowded against the wall, and, holy fuck, is Richie actually hard against him? Is that what’s pressing up against his back? (What the fuck else could it be?) “You stick around just to spend some quality time with me?” Richie asks, right in his ear, as his hands slips from Eddie’s shoulders and trail down his sides to settle on his hips. 

“No,” Eddie says, then, “Get the fuck off me,” in a much quieter voice, with little, if any, conviction. 

Eddie can hear the fake little pout as Richie says, “Aw, you don’t want that, pretty baby.” A shudder rips through Eddie at the nickname, but, no, that must just be the cold from the tiles he’s pressed bodily against, the very same thing that’s making his nipples harden (there’s no excuse for his dick; he’s going to try to ignore that). “You know, I heard a sweet little rumour about you. You think I can hitch a ride?”

“Fuck you,” Eddie says, because the alternative is a desperate, whiny yes, as Richie leans back enough to slot his dick right against Eddie’s ass and thrust forward a couple times, slow, just to make an already very clear point that much clearer. 

“I’m trying, baby doll.” Richie grabs the hand that Eddie’s trying to use to make a show out of the pretense of pushing him away, and slams it into the tiles above his head. He takes hold of the other for good measure and holds them both there in one hand while he uses the other to hold Eddie’s hips in place and rock against him. “But you gotta cooperate.”

Eddie whines, mostly because he doesn’t know what the fuck else to do. He hates this guy’s guts. Doesn’t he? He’s goofy and annoying and hot and funny and a slut (but that’s hypocritical) and he has no respect for personal space or boundaries, and he’s rude when he isn’t being annoying, and maybe Eddie saw him feeding some of the stray cats on campus a few times, but that’s unsanitary, honestly, and not at all charming, and there are so many rumours flying around about the Manwhore Trashmouth he doesn’t even know what to believe (except the ones about his dick -- those are definitely true). But he’s a shitty, annoying person, and that alone should cancel out anything else, so no, Eddie is not fucking attracted to him and no, he doesn’t want to fuck him.

Richie kisses the back of his neck, lingering for a moment before peppering more kisses all across his shoulders, which are bent up at an awkward angle as Richie pins his arms above his head. Then his teeth are digging into his skin and Eddie makes a noise halfway to a scream, jerking against the wall so hard he’s sure there will be bruises all down his front tomorrow. “That’s good, kitten. That’s good. Just let me take care of you.”

Eddie abandons all pretenses and reminds him, a little dazed, “But we need--”

“Lube?” Richie twists away from him for a moment, leans down and lets go of his wrists (but Eddie keeps them there, and he’ll tell himself it’s because he just forgot in the moment) and then he’s tapping Eddie’s side with a plastic bottle. “I brought mine over. I come prepared.” And then he laughs to himself a little and Eddie’s fucking dumbfounded, because he cannot believe this is happening right now. He can’t believe he’s about to fuck the guy he has refused to be attracted to for the duration of his college career, right here in the dirty fucking locker room showers, and he’s just... letting it happen. 

He should, at the very least, tell Richie they need a condom, too, if he’s going to just let this virtual stranger fuck him like this, but he just... doesn’t. There’s nothing about not using a condom that’s appealing to him. Nothing at all. It must just slip his mind.

Richie pushes Eddie out from under the spray of water, dragging him along the wall, and once he’s rubbed some lube on his fingers he grabs Eddie’s wrists again to keep him in place as he fingers him, and frankly it’s just fucking ridiculous that his fingers are big, too, and Eddie hates that he’s so attracted to this asshole, and that he wants this so fucking bad he thinks he would actually die if Richie were to stop right now. Richie tells him how good he is in the same breath he calls him a slut and a bitch, and then calls him his “pretty baby” while telling him he shouldn’t be so tight for someone who supposedly spreads his legs to anyone looking for a hole to fuck. He bites all over his throat and sucks hickeys anywhere he can reach, while he digs his fingers right into his prostate until Eddie’s trying to rip his hands from Richie’s grip, and then keeps going until there are tears streaming down his face, and his cock is so hard where it’s trapped between Eddie’s stomach and the wall that it hurts. He thinks he might be close to coming when Richie finally slips his fingers out of him and then, because he’s a fucking asshole, he smears what’s left of the lube across Eddie’s cheek. 

“Oh, shut the fuck up. We’re in a shower, you can wash it off after,” he snaps when Eddie starts spitting expletives at him. “You’re being fucking ungrateful, kitten. Maybe I should just leave you here to finish this up on your own.”

Eddie shuts up real fast, and Richie’s laughing at him, low and cruel, as he trembles where he stands. The feeling of the laughter rattles through him where they’re pressed together, back to chest, and Eddie’s pretty sure Richie pinning him against the wall is the only reason he’s still upright, because his legs have gone weak and he’s lightheaded. But he has to move, and when Eddie starts slipping down the wall as he shifts back, Richie just laughs louder, catching him around the waist and pausing to lick from the base of his throat to his jaw when Eddie tumbles back into him. “You losing touch there, or what?”

Eddie murmurs something that he hopes to be an affirmative, because he’s maybe a little numb everywhere and maybe a little dizzy and all he wants right now is for Richie to just fucking rail him. He wants to forget his own name. He wants Richie to add to the bite marks and hickeys already littering his neck and his shoulders. He wants him to come inside him and just leave it there. Another wave of dizziness overcomes him. “Please...” is all he manages, and then he’s being shoved face-first into the wall again, Richie still holding him up around the waist, and the head of his cock is pressing to his hole and he’s saying, “please” again, while Richie tells him in a voice warm with mirth, “Don’t you worry, kitten, I’m gonna give you exactly what you want.”