#And there are many traumatized people in the fandom including myself (and even some who see themselves in her) who don’t appreciate it

[pjo-fan17]

how can you not see how ableist some of you guys are? can we stop dehumanizing El and using her trauma as “proof” that Mike and her don’t work out? can we stop using El’s trauma as an excuse to say she’d be better on her own? can we stop using El’s trauma to say she can’t be in a romantic relationship until she is healed? can we stop using El’s trauma to say she can’t be independent and in a relationship? can we stop using El’s trauma as an excuse to hate both on her and Mike? can we stop using El’s trauma to “prove” your ship is canon? can we please! can we please stop using her trauma!!! Please!

I have trauma because of years and years of being bullied and gaslighting/manipulative friendships, and I’m still healing. Does that mean I should stop forming friendships until I’m completely healed? (which isn’t going to happen bc trauma doesn’t just go away).

*read tags please*

[pansear-doodles]

its time i talk about the person who left a dent on me

the worst part of my trauma when it comes to it being connected to people i was once close with is that my perspective of what makes of them reminders of them (i do this to anyone im close with- whether it is a symbol or a certain appearance or trait or event)

little bit of serious talk here folks, so i apologize for the unexpected. hope you have the filters.

for most of my internet life, it was almost only me. completely unfiltered. came to deviantart first. became popular at an early age because of what i was doing in the fnaf fandom- it was not good for my mental health.

my groomer has a sona that never changes by design. he's always depicted as an orange fox with black long hair, black beanie and striped jacket. he likes fps games, especially the resident evil series- having associated me with Mia from resident evil 7. he likes fnaf (we met through fnaf... while i was like 14 i think- while he was 9 years older than me). he draws well... i guess. in pokemon form, he would be a jolteon. i would be a pansear. he would be the fox. i would be the rabbit.

as a child i was very impressionate, overly emotional, and cringe (ofc). i would be best friends with my groomer after finding out we shared many common interests and kept talking to each other about it- and then later fess up i have romantic feelings for him.

this would have been the opportunity for him to back up and say no.

but he didn't say no.

we continued off and became a couple. not many people batted an eye on how questionable it was for a 15 year old to be in a relationship with a 24 year old. almost nobody, save for a few concerned friends (and one stranger on Transformice) who i ignored unfortunately, talked it up with me to leave him. i held our relationship as a sort of defense mechanism. i relied on him to make me feel happy. i did a lot of things with him, and including those of the unsavory before i became of age. (i ever regret doing them- but how would i have known- i wasn't the adult here. he was.)

oh and have i mentioned he said the (un)iconic "you're pretty mature for your age." to me

you know whats one of the funniest weirdest shit about our relationship events was? he would show me this club penguin vid where there is a troll making crude remarks and harass someone (presumably a kid). that brotherman bill cp video. he would recite and memorize the song while blindfolded. ironic how he turns out to be in the end.

the wake up call was when he retweeted nsfw of an underage fictional character. seeing that purged my stomach.

yes. it was nsfw of a fictitious minor that was the nail to the coffin. nothing else. i was so delusioned. so troubled. i couldnt see anything else problematic until that happened.

it was so hard for me to let go of him. thankfully i had friends who comforted me and stuck with me through the whole way through. i was on my bed crying.

we've been in close contact for 5 years. i was convincing myself to stay on a doomed relationship because i didnt know what to do- i was already broken and unwell. i was very co-dependent (and i think some of those negative traits still follow me to this day- learning how to get out of that though). my groomer has left a large gap of my mind when we broke off- i revolved so much stuff around him.... and i forgot a lot of memories because of the trauma- taking even the happy unrelated to him ones with it.

i cared too much. and as someone who draws fast- you can imagine how much ive done.

my old files are infested with his likeness. i know i can just delete them but theres so much. so many. it is utterly revolting to see it all and the memories that come with it.

but as time went on, im starting to care less and less about what has happened between us. i am still traumatized of course and a lot of the negative things followed me, but i am healing somewhat and thats what matters i think. most of the things ive associated with him- the connection is fading. i have separated fnaf from him. i no longer associate orange foxes with him. i am comfortable drawing characters in black beanies.

if there is anything i should be grateful for, is that im no longer with him and im happier with someone else. im thankful for the friends who have helped me cope out of that shitfest.

if you know who this person is, i advise you not to witchhunt and harrass him. i dont know what hes doing and honestly i dont give a fuck on how he's doing. he should get help honestly. it is me, myself the victim, who has the say on the matter- and my say is to leave out of his sight.

if you are a minor and someone older than you does these similar things to you, please let your parents and friends know immediately. please be safe.

if my groomer ever reads this, somehow, then to him i say: i am not afraid of you and i do not care about you anymore.

thank you for reading.

[writebackatya]

I wanted to warn you about Shelly who you've been interacting with in the DuckTales fandom. They were a known groomer and all around gross person in the Pokémon fandom. They are obsessed with children characters and s*xualize everything. They associate on Twitter, Furaffinity, Inkbunny etc. with artists that draw p*rn and inc*st of child characters including Boyd and the duck children. You can search AmorousArtist (a twitter mutual that's collabed with them and one of many examples) to get an idea. Be warned it's "Dead Dove" level art. They tend to play dumb about stuff even though they're around 40 now and were in the Pokemon fandom for almost two decades before finally being called out. They are very agreeable and change what they like and how they act like a chameleon. They befriend older fans to gain safety. Warnings have been going around but because they're a really good artist I don't think it's being taken seriously. Thankfully some have pulled away or already have them blocked. Please don't give them attention, they traumatized me and my friends and no one cared because they got the artist free pass. Even looking back their Pokémon stuff was a red flag. I know a lot of ducks fans are young and impressionable and I'm scared it's happening again. Thank you for your time and please stay safe, it's hard to trust people nowadays :(

TW: Pedophilia, grooming

Thank you anonymous for coming forward to me with this information. I know letting others know about stuff like this is never easy but your concern for the safety of me and others in the DuckTales fandom is much appreciated

After receiving this message from anonymous I talked with a couple others in the DuckTales fandom who received this message from you and decided to look into the info they gave us. And after searching their Twitter, their art mutual’s stuff, as well as looking them up on other sites, I found out that yes, Shelly does associate themselves with that ArmorousArtist who draws NSFW art featuring minors and Shelly has drawn stuff like that in their past

I will say the only sexualize art I found on their Twitter was stuff with adult characters as well as a pinned tweet urging minors not to interact with their account, however the art mutual anonymous mentioned DID have some very questionable art involving the young characters of DuckTales

When I went searching for Shelly’s art on other sites I came across their Pokémon artwork and can confirm yes, their sexualize artwork featured some of the Pokémon that are on the cutesy side as well as one with a trainer

If you’re a minor and have come across the blogs @/Shellyoducks, @/shellyochunks, or @/chickenmcdicken here’s what I want you to do:

Block those accounts. Do NOT interact with them at all!

I will state it right here that I myself am not a minor but someone in their late twenties (I turned 27 back in January) and have been in a few fandoms in my life. I never really interacted with a lot of people so I don’t have a whole lot of advice other than this:

Block people like this

Let someone IRL know about your mutuals and anybody you interact with a lot here or any social media site

And I get it. You wanna keep your personal life and your online life separate. You do have the right to your own private life, but you should also be safe. But please if you have a parent, a relative, or an older sibling that’s an adult that you can talk to about your interests, please let them know about the people you talk to online and please be safe

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

This is finna be short because I honestly can’t stand writing these since I censor myself a lot in order to still try and be respectful to this comic and the fandom but I will say this, this comic as a whole has desensitized a lot of fans to actual abusive behaviors and toxic relationships. Like I’m being genuine right now when I say a lot of the people in the fandom are starting to blur the lines of what’s consent and what’s not, what’s healthy and what’s toxic, what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable, and my favorite one what’s morally correct or morally fucked up.

It’s sad that this comic has managed to place so many disgusting and disturbing topics and themes into this comic while also making it seem like completely normal and harmless stuff. If you don’t believe me we have people shipping Hera and Kronos, as if the chapters with their past wasn’t obviously traumatizing for young Hera and put her in positions she wasn’t safe in. It’s funny how people don’t understand that Hera’s emotional turmoil with Kronos and uneasy emotions pertaining him are not signs of crushing on him, and it’s insane how people take those signs and completely downplay it all so they can write it off as some forbidden romance.

I can’t even blame the fans for thinking this way either since Rachel has been normalizing insane and crazy shit like this for years, she doesn’t care how bad the relationship is and how disgusting the reality of the situations get she’ll still make light of it and treat it like it’s either a small inconvenience or just cute romantic stuff. Lore Olympus is not a romance comic, it never was and that’s because you cannot write a romance with Persephone and Hades or at least not a completely healthy one. The myth is about tragedy and trauma of a mother and daughter you can’t exactly morph into some office fluff. If she wanted to do that then she should’ve written something original and left the myth alone because honestly Lore Olympus is the worst retelling ever, nothing about it is good and Ive lost all respect for it because it continues to feed the young audience it targets these fucked up ideals and try to paint rainbows and kittens over it like it makes it okay. We shouldn’t be normalizing any of this shit and Rachel should not be trying to condition her audience to normalize it, if you’re making anything problematic and you’re aware of that you should not shy away from calling it out that’s how fucked up mindsets and behaviors start to arise by trying to market disgusting and toxic tropes as good things. Take responsibility in the mindsets you gave to your fans and actually debunk all of the terrible themes you have in your comics and address the people who still think like that. You cannot have a story including assault of any kind and welcome those who ignore it and ship victims with their fucking abusers, address it and stop hiding behind your hype men.

[semiweirdshipper]

I just wanted to get this off my chest. I think the viewers of Weirdo's Slasher/Bad Guy Series deserve to hear it.

I've been writing a lot of fanfiction on my secondary account for a different fandom these past few months. And I've made a lot of new friends, one of which said something that really hit me.

She said that when she wanted to avoid writing/updating specific stories, she had the tendency to jump fandoms. And I felt that because it's what I'VE been doing. I don't think it's my slasher stories in particular that I've been trying to avoid writing, but rather the 'violence'.

All of my slasher stories were hitting that point in the plot where they needed an insane amount of violence and angst to be written, and I think I was suffocating in it. It was depressing me and making me feel trapped, I guess. So I ran off and built a secondary account to hide in.

One thing about this break I've had that I think has helped me is the people I got to talk to and the friends I made. I'm not gonna lie, they're complete nut-cases and a bit crazy, but nonetheless they're amazing people, and they helped me open up in ways I never knew possible. For once I felt like I didn't have to struggle to be strong or even an efficient writer. I just needed to be myself.

I was too afraid to be myself around you guys. I was being too hard on myself, hiding my weaknesses, trying to bite through the discomfort of what I wrote, putting on a wise facade so that everyone thought I was just some kind of inspirational saint. But I'm not a saint. I'm a 21 year old dummy who has a traumatic life and writes fanfiction to vent off steam.

I felt like I had to be the strongest so I forgot to be weak and it built on me until it finally collapsed. I was trying to help so many people that I forgot to help myself. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for this whole sad, stupid post. I just needed to get it off my chest.

Thankfully all the simple, fluffy fanfiction I've been writing lately has mended me a bit. You would never believe what fandom it is either. I myself can't believe it, but that doesn't matter here.

I'm trying to get back on track. I'm sorry it's a slow pace. Luckily the newest chapters for my biggest slasher stories don't involve a lot of violence. I'm gonna sort through them, work my way back up, and hopefully begin a steady update routine. My apologies if my writing appears different in any way, I'm trying to work on it.

If you're curious about what I plan to update, here's a list-

-When a Survivor Bullies

-Battle of The Imaginary Minds

-My Own Exit Gate

-Miracle of The Moonlight

-Reverse The Dancing Knights

-Fate of Broken Roads.

Yep, I plan to give them all updates. I can't promise when and I can't promise how well, but I am going to try. I'm sorry again for everything, especially including this ridiculous post. I just... Really needed to get it off my chest.

Please remember that I love you all ❤️

[sailorgundam308]

Maybe I should shut my mouth already, but this is my little space to vent and digress with stuff I need to keep bottled up elsewhere.

BG3 brought me back to fandom spaces after more than a decade and, while I know this could be just a generation gap thing, there are stuff I keep reading about or that sms throws at me randomly that is pretty annoying and even disheartening. Lots of younger/new people are engaging with the Forgotten Realms lore for the first time and it’s awesome. But I forgot how impassioned and intolerant fierce parts of fandoms can be.

It rubs me the wrong way how people in general tend to simplify things in order to either justify themselves or feel secure in regards to the world - which is a terrifyingly complex, irrational and nuanced thing we have absolutely no control over. Over the years I’ve surrounded myself with people that are fine with not knowing everything, not understanding all that’s going on, and who are okay with admitting there are things we’ll never grasp, points of view we’ll never have the authority to speak from. But the internet isn’t my bubble.

In regards to BG3 fandom - but I’d risk this is valid for a lot of places in and outside fandoms - there’s a lot of simplifying, flattening and denial of other experiences. The diehard straight folks at BG3 Reddit freak out because characters are pan, BG3 steam incels freak out because the women are “ugly”, BG3 tumblr users freak out (ironically) also because characters are pan, but in reverse. It’s a bit too much, especially when a lot of the fuel for divide is our own headcanons (which, let’s remind ourselves, can’t be wrong or right cause they exist for our personal entertainment and fantasy). Not to mention the game canon itself purposefully leaves a lot to be inputted by the player so we can head-customize our experiences. It’s the magic of rpg.

Still, there are these heated discussions that I can’t help but see stemming from simplification and labeling of things. This is shit that imo should not be happening still. I’ve mentioned here before how I dislike that people bat an eye on a character and, for example, decide what sexual orientation they should have. Generalizing, Shadowheart is straight because she is pretty and petite. Karlach is a lesbian because she is muscular and curses. Astarion is gay because he is slender and flamboyant - and so on. Mind you, they could very well be - but that is not the point. The point is passing judgement onto people based off appearance or demeanor alone.

Outside BG3 this reads as our daily encounters with ideas like: fat people are lazy, immigrants are uneducated (or less educated), hot girls are dumb, being slender is a desirable feminine trait, being muscular is a desirable masculine trait, poc are poor(er). Do some of these prove to be true on a case by case basis? Yes. Do some of these prove to be false on a case by case basis? Also yes. The fact is that some of these ideas are entrenched into the way people view the world. And that includes me and you. Even if you and I personally don’t do this, it doesn’t change the fact that a vast majority of people still do - and many of them unknowingly.

So when a niche community divides itself further to pass judgement onto fictional aspects of a game that is intentionally left so open to interpretation, to the point it creates feuds, it’s quite disheartening. It’s can’t be helped, perhaps, but it just plain sucks.

What specifically prompted me to write this, despite it being a ongoing feeling for a while, was the discussion around Halsin’s status of survivor/his backstory. And, again, there is a bias there that some people might not even realize. Astarion is the ideal victim in this regard, because he is the portrayal of fragility and attractiveness mixed in the right measure so his trauma can elicit sympathy and a sense of protection in many of us. Whereas Halsin isn’t necessarily the face of a traumatic experience for many. Not only physically (buff guy gets attacked?), but these two relate their experiences to us players differently, and act differently towards their trauma. It made me think again of the flattening of characters. This one can be a victim because “look at his face”. But this one? Not so much. It comes across as dismissing the “non-ideal” impersonation of that type of trauma.

Risking some oversharing, it’s the type of attitude that is putting me off from and isolating me within certain fan spaces - because my personal experiences are not quintessential “enough” for some, and my interpretations aren’t either. I’m in the lgbtqia spectrum but I’m not quite the “right kind of queer” (or, as some put it, fake queer, which is hilarious if nothing else). At least, my interpretation and depiction of queerness and gender within my favorite characters is not the one that is welcome in the spaces I tried to reach out to.

Far from me from claiming the epitome of trauma, but I’ve had my fair share. And I assume a lot of people have, too. So a little empathy or sympathy goes a long way, in reminding us our views (on headcanons) do not mean others’ are invalid.

How nice would it be that, instead of blurting out our first impressions because they are ‘easy’, we’d take a minute to just check if we’re saying what we’re saying out of an over simplistic view of things? Or, better yet, sometimes we don’t need to get out of our way to invalidate someone else’s experience. It’s mostly headcanon after all. Unless an idiot is going ‘round shouting nazi, racist, xenophobic, homophobic or misogynistic shit, there’s usually a way to turn around and leave them be (otherwise, fuck em up please and thank you.)

[anti-ao3]

my experience with ao3

i joined it around 2015 mainly because of an otgw author i followed on tumblr, and since they were very active on ao3 i thought to myself, "why not?". otherwise it took me a whole year to actually post something there. since then i got quite a following for my undertale fics, and later other fandoms such as steven universe.

my fics are, in general, pretty well liked, sometimes even gaining hundreds of kudos. one even got 1k the other day. most nice comments i get are from ao3 users. even then, i never actually interact with them. i rarely reply to comments, nor do i comment myself; i mainly just bookmark the fics i like. i gradually got more wary of the users since the more i tried to consume fics there, the more messed up shit i would find. for instance, a lot of the ppl who read my ut fics were into fontcest and child/adult content, and it was the same thing for the other fandoms i wrote for.

maybe because of my general avoidance, i never had a traumatizing experience on ao3, like many have unfortunately gone through. i have gotten rude comments every now and then, but i was never caught up in grooming or something as such. even still, looking for fics used to be much worse because i wasn't aware of any filtering extensions, nor did ao3 have the "exclude" feature back then, so the great majority of fics i would find was basically pedo/incest/abuse/racist porn. when they did add the "exclude" feature a couple years ago, it became a little less disheartening - while it was still a pain having to exclude 10-20 tags just to get something normal -, but in general i never quite used ao3 to read many fics, only very niche concepts i'm personally fond of. i also always check if the author reads and/or writes any insidious content, so i'm very selective of what i read and who i follow.

the thing that made me create this account, though, was when i wrote a fma 03 fic last year and i included a tag that said "elricests and royeds have no rights and should rot". someone reported me to ao3 and they accused me of harassment, and hid my work until i got rid of the tag. i refused and posted a very heated rant against ao3, which finally got me suspended for months. in the meantime, ao3 began actively deleting works that included any tags that included "x shippers do not interact" or similar. basically, their excuse was "you have to let ppl ship whatever they want. yes, even if it's incest and pedophilia".

at first, when i was angry, i thought of deleting all my works, but after a while, i realized i didn't want to. the reason my account is still up is mainly sentimental. i've been on ao3 for 7 years now, and i did find some good fics and good ppl in there. my fics are very personal to me, so all the positive (and earned) feedback i got means very much to me. i have many fics there, some still ongoing, so i haven't had the courage to delete my account. i guess it's mainly because i never went through something traumatic there, so it's probably easy for me to have these feelings.

i've always been on a little corner on ao3, really. it means a lot to me when ppl find it and decide to stick in. but of course, ao3 has deeply disappointed me in a lot of ways. i'm only still using the site with a grain of salt. sometimes i wish i could let go, but it's really hard for me to do it. maybe one day i will, but for now, i just really wish i could have a safe space where people can enjoy platonic/familial content without any concern.

ao3 is a huge platform nowadays, and a lot of writers i follow and respect use it. i know taking it down is not easy, so i really wish there was a way for us to pressure ao3 to have better moderation - and actually ADD a blocking/muting feature.

i will always stand on the side of minorities, and i hope one day we get justice for all the harmful things ao3 and its users have done to us.

[shiveringsoldier]

fandom: lotr! character: data <3

thank you Zara <3

LOTR

Favorite character: Frodo Baggins, the only character ever <3

Least Favorite character: I don't like Sauron, I'm sorry. Even after reading the Silmarillion I still hate him

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): (I'm including platonic ships as well because I don't have very many romantic ships) Frodo x Sam; Éowyn x Faramir; Frodo & Gandalf; Merry & Pippin; Gimli & Legolas (I ship them platonically but I 100% understand why people ship them romantically)

Character I find most attractive: Frodo is the most attractive male character, and Arwen is the most attractive female character

Character I would marry: also Frodo

Character I would be best friends with: Merry. I think we would get along very well.

a random thought: Lately I've been thinking about the Entwives having been gone for so long that Treebeard can no longer remember what they look like, and that breaks my heart

An unpopular opinion: I think Aragorn as a character is kind of boring. He's too perfect at too many things, and that makes it hard for me to get fully invested in him.

My Canon OTP: Éowyn and Faramir

My Non-canon OTP: Frodo and Sam

Most Badass Character: Honestly? I'm thinking Théoden. He's a great warrior and a skilled leader on the battlefield, and he gives incredible pre-battle speeches. And it's especially impressive given what he's suffered.

Most Epic Villain: I hate to say it, but the Witch-King

Pairing I am not a fan of: I've been unwillingly subjected to Frodo x Sauron content, and I want to personally fight everyone who ships them.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I don't like that the movies reduce Gimli to comic relief

Favourite Friendship: My favorite friendship in the books is Frodo and Merry, and I have a soft spot for Frodo and Gandalf's friendship

Character I most identify with: Frodo. I've always identified with him, but having gone through my own traumatic experiences I find myself identifying with him more than ever.

Character I wish I could be: I wish I could be Sam, and I hope I have at least some things in common with him

Data (disclaimer: I haven't watched an episode of TNG in forever and know very little about canon events and relationships)

How I feel about this character: he is so autistic and I would protect him with my life

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Geordi

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Maybe Troi? I don't know what their relationship is like in canon, but I like the contrast between Troi's hyperempathy and Data's seeming inability to feel any emotions at all

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't know if I have one

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish he'd been treated better. There are definitely parallels between the way the crew treats him and the way that neurotypical people treat autistic people.

Favorite friendship for this character: Also Geordi. I feel like Geordi is the only one who really understands him.

My crossover ship: I don't have one

[avenger-hawk]

(survivor of genocide anon) yeah hi, i totally agree with what you said regarding focusing on real genocides. I'm somewhat new to the naruto fandom (i used to watch naruto as a kid before) so i wasnt aware people were being harassed in the name of the Uchiha genocide??? Which, what the fuck? I mostly said that because as a genocide survivor i really related to a lot of aspects of Sasuke's character and i find catharsis in like... exploring the massacare. and I thought you were anti that or +

— continuation (genocide anon) like anti reading the massacare as a genocide? or that it would have had similar effects to genocide survivors on the characters, basically.

I didn't explain myself properly.

Ofc people can find catharsis in fiction, because fiction allows people to explore any kind of theme, including very traumatic ones. Actually one of the many uses of fiction is catharsis. Children's old fairytales are very creepy things because of this. Idk about the others but classic European literature explores all sort of themes as well, because authors explore the depth of human soul also through controversial themes or horrible events. So, despite fandoms' recent trend of judging a real person for the fiction they like, it's only natural for some individuals to explore one's own trauma through fiction, just like it's natural for some other individuals to avoid their own trauma surrounding themselves by only positive content.

Technically the Uchiha massacre is a genocide, but I don't like to use this word because I find the official definition fitting: Uchiha massacre is already a strong enough definition, echoing horror movies, suggesting a brutal killing of countless people.

Calling it genocide comes from the other fandom trend, of people wanting to appear "woke" social justice warriors, activists knowledgeable of real world social and political dynamics, so they use real life definitions and words they read in newspapers...nope, they learned in some other woke social justice warrior behind a keyboard, and they think they're cool. They probably are, in a circle of people who read and know less than them. To everyone else they are pathetic. For me their posts are a mix of annoying and second hand embarrassment, because the cool think about fiction is that it's fiction. The N*ruto universe is different. That's why it's interesting.

Also calling the Uchiha massacre a genocide is not only a little embarrassing for the aforementioned reasons, but also because like I said it belittles and ridicules real world genocides, the way the fandom is now, because it makes people get very hyped about 'protecting Sasuke and his clan's rights', which in their little brains means harassing those who, idk, like certain characters, like Itachi, Kakashi, Tobirama and those who sided with Konoha. This, in their poorly thinking brains, doesn't mean finding some characters interesting, hot, whatever, it means supporting genocide. The end result of this craziness is that some fans get crazily worked up about other fans' opinions and taste...cause I'm a 1000% Sasuke fan but what if someone is a, say, Shikamaru fan. There are ppl who are only into Konoha founders, or into Danzo even, should these ppl be considered fans or not? Do you see the stupidity of this argument? lol

Not just this, which is already crazy enough. It's dangerous, because it makes people forget reality and replace it with fiction, and not in a "I'm so into N*ruto that I think about it 24/7 and I daydream and make headcanons and scenarios in my head, also because I hated the way Sasuke was treated and I want to imagine him having justice" but in a "the Uchiha genocide is a war crime that must be punished. Sasuke and the others needs therapy. We must help them and give them justice, not by writing fix-it fics but by calling out all those who are ok with this systemic injustice and exploitation of underage characters"...see the difference? Imagine this crazy, mixed with "if other fans don't support my fight for the justice of fictional N*ruto characters, if they enjoy some controversial plot details that are not justice or wholesome, it means they're not real fans and they must be erased by all means"...it's harassment and it happens all the time.

So, to protect the rights of fictional characters some fans harass real people. For me it's madness, and I say it even if I get extremely pissed off for fiction related details, to the point of unfollowing/blocking ppl for the slight thing lol.

Lastly, another fandom trend is making everything about the individual, as if only those with a certain life experience are allowed to enjoy certain things, as if only those who come from an 'oppressed group' have the right to talk and, very often, insult others pulling the oppressed definition card and seeing who has more, because everyone wants to appear special so while 5 years ago everyone was INTJ/INFJ, lgbt+, black, 'aspie', now pretty much everyone is, idk, mentally ill, autistic spectrum, 'enby', trans, or a genocide survivor, if you get what I mean.

(for those who don't get sarcasm: I'm not saying all those definitions are not valid ffs! They're so valid that I think most ppl on tumblr use them to appear cooler, totally not realizing that irl not being in the majority group is f*cking hard)

[turanga4]

It's ALMOST a Meta-Thing: Real Stuff Vs. Angst

Hey hello I actually wrote This Thing a few months ago for a writing competition I was part of at the time, and a recent conversation on a different Discord put me in mind of it. Deep Thoughts after the cut on how one might approach writing about difficult or traumatic topics, shared with full understanding that I am not myself an authority and put out there as an invitation for others to chime in also. These are only my thoughts: they are by no means the only or most valid thoughts available.

Much beta love and thought partnership credit to one EveSaintYves, who is an unfailingly insightful and emotionally generous human as well as a phenomenal writer, and also please to check out the ACTUAL metas referenced in this, by one ashes-and-hackles (raised).

Real Stuff Vs Angst: Thoughts On The Writing of Difficult Topics

The Harry Potter universe is rich, complicated, and ripe for creative interpretation.  A primary theme of the series is the struggle between darkness and light, and fanfiction explores the entire spectrum in between.  Many of us are drawn to the darker elements of the Harry Potter canon, but we may not always think about the impact those elements may have on members of the fandom community.  Child neglect, for example, is a brutal reality for some characters in the world of Harry Potter, but it is also a thing that real people–including makers and consumers of fanworks–have experienced.

I believe there is tremendous value, creative and therapeutic, in engaging with difficult topics, like abuse, mental illness, and self-harm. And I believe there are things a writer can consider that will help them do right by the complexity and difficulty of the topics being raised.

A story that I have always wanted to tell, for myself and for others, is the story of people engaging with trauma and developing resilience. When I write and share pieces where my characters are struggling and suffering, I sometimes wonder about whether it is appropriate for me to do this–whether I’m using this pain in the service of something that ought to be served, or just playing with a thing that is really not a toy. 

A gifted writer shared with me a context that frames things for me.  She spoke of the difference between “real stuff” and “angst”--that people turn out “angst” when their intention is to craft something sad and dark that provokes strong emotions, but it’s done without a full and careful understanding of either the character or the audience: the alternative to that is engaging, fully, with real stuff.  Which means that, when writing about hard things, one really reflects on their own purpose for writing, considers deeply and specifically how the character and those around the character would be impacted by the trauma, and is mindful of how their work may land with audience members who have personal connections.   I don’t pretend to get it right every time, but this framework is so helpful that I want others, also, to have it. 

Tips I use for myself:

Do your research. Don’t just imagine yourself having an experience you haven’t truly had. Learn about it, in detail. How does PTSD manifest, down to even the little specifics of what a dissociative episode feels like? What are the actual common trauma responses of a child who has been deliberately harmed? What are some real narratives about suicide, from the perspectives of both those who attempt it and those left behind? There are good resources, even, exploring trauma within the Harry Potter books: one that comes immediately to my mind that I used, in writing Accidental Magic, is the reflection composed by a tumblr poster, ashes and hackles (raised): Tumblr with links The lodestar I follow is, I need to both do right by this character and do right by this experience, and to do that well, I need to really calibrate my understanding of both.

Have a trusted beta reader that you can be real with, who has a clear invitation to be real with you.  I ask mine questions like, “Is this too much?  What feeling are you left with? Is this a piece I should just write for myself, or let out into the world?” And I listen very carefully, because I’m being given a real gift.

Look through two lenses: kindness, and agency. It’s important to me to approach a character with empathy, akin to what I’d call on if engaging with the person in the real world.  I also want to create, in my fictitious universe, small bits of kindness that the character can access. And agency means that the character, even the most complicated and traumatized character, needs, in my opinion, to be given the dignity of choice, some kind of power, somewhere–not just used as a passive object for pity, saving, what have you. 

Be aware that the thing you are holding is a thing that has real weight for members of your audience. When you write about abuse, mental illness, food insecurity, transphobia, domestic violence, and the like… this can be your creative space. But it is someone else’s lived experience.  I have written a piece that will never go past my beta, because my beta was brave enough to tell me, I know this was not your intent, but this particular way you approached this particular hotspot topic did not feel good to me, personally, and this is why.  Similarly, as you consider ratings and trigger warnings, it’s important to be aware that, even if you do not put the graphic details in there, you may be eliciting those actual remembered details in people who have those connections with your topic.

Hard stuff is real stuff, and, when approached with sensitivity and conscious awareness, I believe it can be written about in ways that support healing as well as create impactful experiences for your readers. What kind of experience do you wish to create?

[trollkennel]

TrashWizzard's RP Blog Rules and Preferences

This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some guidelines before interacting with me. These are my personal preferences, not universal law nor judgment of anyone else's style of play. It's simply what I prefer for myself. Everyone enjoys their fiction differently, and that's ok :)

Firstly, I am an adult. I would prefer to rp with others who are 18+.

I am also 🏳️‍🌈very queer🏳️‍🌈, as are my characters. If you have questions about their identities, preferences, or my own please feel free to ask! My OOC pronouns are They/Them.

It goes without saying that bigots, homophobes, TERFs and assorted hate groups DNI. I'm literally Just A Guy who enjoys writing fictional things about made up people. Deal with it 🤙

I'm brand new to roleplaying in Tumblr format, so bear with me as I learn the ropes. I live on Discord, and depending on the circumstances I am also open to rp on there as well.

Roleplaying preferences under the cut:

Yes

✅ Etiquette

Please be familiar with general roleplaying etiquette as well as common terms (such as Godmoding, Meta Knowledge, and IC / OOC). I am an adult with a full-time job and many interests. I will try to respond as often as I can, but please be patient if my replies are not immediate. Usually planning to reply at least once a day, sometimes more if our schedules line up well. I am a literate roleplayer, usually opting for and preferring paragraphs or descriptive posts; however I do enjoy rapid-fire script style as well.

✅ Original Characters Only

Show off your fantrolls, maybe even human ocs? No matter the fandom, I want to see your original characters only.

✅Canon-Adjacent

My characters are designed to flow well with MSPA (or the appropriate fandom's) canon as much as I can, but that isn't an unbreakable standard. Some things I have bent or changed because it's fun, straying just far enough to make unique and interesting divergences from canon. Nothing super crazy.

✅Character Arcs and Ongoing Plots

We love to see it!! It would be awesome to collaborate with other roleplayers I find I really vibe with. I would love nothing more than to create an expansive story with intertwined details among characters.

✅ Alliances and Rivalries

Plotting! Scheeeming! Sometimes this happens naturally, but I'm usually open to planning things ahead of time if it seems fun 👀 No worries about metagaming here, I'm generally very good at keeping OOC knowledge compartmentalized from my IC knowledge.

✅ Mature Themes

!! I do not mean smut, sex, erp, etc. !! I love darker themes and angst in my writing. Most of my characters are probably traumatized in one way or another, and some of those themes may be uncomfortable. I generally keep mentions to vague allusions, or don't go into great detail (especially if it's not private rp or with someone I know fairly well). This might include topics such as substance abuse, depression, mortality and other heavy subjects. Life is not always gentle. But the harder they fall, the more fulfilling the redemption.

✅ Slice of Life

As a lighter alternative, I do enjoy fluff, exposition, and slice of life scenarios. Well-placed comedy in rp is one of my favorite takeaways, and some of my characters can be very silly! This is also a great way to break the ice and get to know new friends/characters, and maybe work our way to bigger plots.

____________________

Ask First

❕Shipping

I am unlikely to ship my characters with a stranger's OCs. I'd prefer to ship with friends, if anyone.

❕Character Harm or Death

Falls under mature themes as described above, but please get my consent before trying anything. I'm usually not opposed to letting my guys have a bad day, especially if it helps with growth or plot progression.

____________________

No

❌ Writers under the age of 18

❌ Erotic roleplay

❌ Canon Characters

❌ Joke Characters

Short interactions with joke characters might be okay but that's not my preference overall. Part of my roleplay enjoyment comes from taking my fake people seriously.

❌ Fully Broken Lore or Unreasonable Selfmade Canon

(MSPA specific) If your glitterbloods and half cherubs bring you joy then I am happy for you; but they don't have a place in my cast's lore, I apologize :( My guys wouldn't know how to react.

[anakinsafterlife]

1,3,9,17,40 for the fic ask, please!

Hi! Thank you for asking.

Which of your own fics would you recommend to someone who had never read your work?

Of the fics I actually have online right now, I guess I would recommend my current WIP, Ghost in the Machine, since it encapsulates my style and themes quite well. But it isn't finished yet, so if that's a problem, I think I would recommend "That Fatal Disease" or "The Honour and the Glory."

3. What are some tropes or details that are highly characteristic of your fic?

I usually look for something missing in a trope and write that. For example, there are a lot of "Vader Lives after ROTJ" fics out there in the world, but Ghost is about a Vader who lives and doesn't know what to do with his life because he isn't a Jedi and he isn't really a Sith anymore, so he goes on a traumatic quest of self-discovery. More generally, I love a lyrical writing style, and often try to include an epigraph to indicate the theme of the story, not only because I love quotations, but because in my early days in fandom a great many fics included epigraphs, and it was one of the ways that my younger self became familiar with a variety of literary sources.

Oh, and I also really like dream sequences and spirit journeys. Somehow they make it into...a lot of my stories.

9. How do you find a new fic to read?

When I'm looking for new fic, I usually go through the bookmarks of writers that I'm already familiar with and like, since people generally appreciate writing which demonstrates something like their own level of skill as well as theme preference. Failing that, I look up collated recs lists.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only one to appreciate it?

Oh, so many highly specific AUs. For SW, I've written most of my highly specific desires, or my friends have, since I've been in that fandom for so long. For The Terror, I want a dueSouth crossover in which Benton Fraser is the descendent of Captain Crozier and Silna, and during his quest to find the Franklin Expedition he encounters the ghost of the Tuunbaq and has to free its spirit. Yep. Will probably have to write that myself.

40. Do you re-read fics or are you one and done?

I re-read fics constantly, and the same ones over and over again, many from decades ago, because I do have very specific tastes.

[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.

[empty-movement]

The State of the (Empty) Movement

Revolutionary Girl Utena’s 25th anniversary is next month. But we seem…strangely silent, no? Well. Let’s talk about the State of the (Empty) Movement!

The bulk of the content we call ‘Empty Movement’ was built in the 00’s, including the massive gallery. (The current iteration was a 10th anniversary project, in fact.) My priority has always been enabling transformative fandom media to take place by providing the curation myself–I like to think I’ve been pretty successful in this. These days, the website is a central location still, but ‘Empty Movement’ has come to broadly mean the site, the Discord, and these social media presences. 

For most of the 2010’s, I have run Empty Movement off a laptop. A nice one! But a laptop–for something that is, though an amateurist’s hobby, absolutely the size and scale of a not entirely small digital museum. This wasn’t a lack of access to means, so much as me thinking ‘hey it’s pretty much finished right??’ This was an attempt to self-sabotage my way out of what would only expand in scope if I ever gave myself more room to grow it. I had my reasons, but they were bad ones, many around the belief that it was time to put away childish things and be a productive member of society–a nurse, even. 

Well. The pandemic has sucked for nurses. I’ve gone through things I literally cannot legally discuss, except only to say…I’m a wee bit traumatized. Weird how the whole productive member of society thing goes, huh? In the meantime, the unproductive end of my life–this–has been a source of support, positivity, and a sincere belief that something important is happening within it. In the last couple years, a swelling of interest in not only Utena, but also the history I have here, has brought me to a realization that while I flap many many wings on many many butterflies in my ‘real’ job…the butterflies here are unique, found nowhere else, and may be valuable to people beyond the scope of fan media. 

In a move that surprises literally no one except me, I’ve learned recently I very likely have ADHD that I’ve historically controlled by self-abuse. So while I sit here humoring the escalation in scope of my stupid side hobby fun project, I’m also having to concede that my previous ways of doing things made it too difficult to do anything right, or enjoy it at all. And…I guess I care. I care about doing this right. And enjoying it would be nice.

What do I have? I don’t know. I have several hard drives on several computers of dozens of ‘backup of Empty Movement’ folders sometimes with dates, sometimes not. Some Utena data here, some there…I have literal decades of Utena content disorganized and scattered about. Meta, books, copies of websites that have disappeared, and so on. The site is now the tip of the iceberg that used to just be ‘unsorted, not on the site yet’ folders. For god’s sake I have burned CD-Rs with stuff like ‘EM unsorted’ on them. 

As before, my question has become ‘how is what I have useful, and to who?’ I’ve been approached by a greater than zero number of people in the last few years wanting to use Utena’s fandom for research and things like that, and I’m learning that what I think of as a clusterfuck mess of an old garage…others think of now as digital antiques, valuable collections of context, and resources. Sounds productive! 

So where is this going? Well my silence has been because I’ve been in the background, radically altering how I do the hobby I’ve done all my life. No one likes to fund infrastructure because it’s boring and unsexy, but it’s what I’ve needed, and I’ve spent a small fortune creating a real workspace and backend resources to do this right, and to do this more easily. I have a desk now, just like back then. A computer that can handle the absolute savagery I inflict on it. A screen large enough to work from. I’ve bought an orthopedic chair, because my body is broken in ICU RN ways. A NAS set-up, because physical data protection being managed manually across multiple drives is no longer a reasonable or viable way to keep up with this stuff for someone with attention problems. Of course, that needed a new router. And a battery backup. And so on. I am boning up on the last decade’s worth of advancements in data management, while also looking for ways to help share the content I have that hasn’t ‘made it’ to the site yet. People offer me so much help with so many things, and I often refuse not because I don’t need help, but because I don’t know how to let anyone help without making my mess even harder to keep track of. The sabotage is over. Empty Movement’s all in for another 25 years.

What does that mean? God I don’t even know yet–but I do know that big changes are coming! The gallery was always meant to be a permanent solution, but I was being stupid 

about that, and the heavily modified software is now bursting at the seams, workable on the visitorside, but almost impossible to add anything to now. I’ve avoided doing anything about this because I 1. Don’t wanna rebuild the gallery lmao, and 2. Have been wanting to avoid URL decay. But the ball is well rolling now, and I am kneecapping accessibility to a larger pool of content trying to preserve the URLs of the older gallery. 

Maybe you have noticed a culture shift in how I present content. I historically aimed at graphic design folks, fanart, cosplay, analysis, things like that–in 2022, the information people find interesting has changed, more detailed and context oriented. So I’m learning about how to use metadata and tags to offer, say, the original publication place of a scan of a piece from a subsequent artbook. Who drew it, when, why, etc. Tags, the bane of my existence in 2008, are all but obligatory now, when I have literally 14k images I need to make reasonably easy to sort through. But in 2022–people want to help me, and I need to let them. That means making it easy for that to be done. I am spending a lot of money and a lot of time to learn how to do that. But I think it will be worth it. Empty Movement has felt, at times, like a burden in my life. And it still does. But it’s also what I care about, and what others have cared about with me. 

This isn’t a post asking for money, but if you want to help pay for all this, I absolutely wouldn’t stop you, and invite you to check out our Patreon. Make no mistake, this is happening either way--but I’d be lying if I said it was entirely affordable for me, lmao. This isn’t a post asking for help either–I will ask about that later, or bug y’all if you’re in the Discord. This isn’t–okay it kinda is–a post asking for what you want; I’d be really interested in hearing what you all would prioritize if you were me. Cover to cover copies of all printed media I have? A website for the video game files and FAQs? Because I have those. A revamp of the translation site for Shounen Ou, the project Enokido and Hasegawa did after Utena, that I now have a book to scan the art at high res out of? A gallery of old layouts for the website? Is analysis of graphic design in the early 00’s something anyone wants? So on, so forth. A website about the musicals? Including the mythic second one? Because I now know more than I used to about it–and I could be sharing that also! It’s literally endless, as I go through each drive I find more things I thought I’d remember and didn’t. Fandom history, Utena history, Queer history, Animation production history. What do we care about? If you’re looking at this more academically, what’s valuable to you given I possess a very thick cross-section of a single specific media and fandom presence? 

I have a lot of Utena. That’s what I’m here for, that’s what you’re here for. And it matters, so I’m going to share even more of it. Stay tuned. <3

[mimzy-writing-online]

You probably know this by now, I don't know if you keep up with Whumptober, but one of the prompts this year includes "blindness". I'm not blind but based on your posts about writing blind characters, and based on how I would feel if one of my disabilities were used as a whump prompt, I'm not super comfortable with it. I was wondering what your thoughts are on blindness being a Whumptober prompt.

(unironically and with feeling) thanks, I hate it.

Yes, I’m familiar with Whumptober, but I’ve never participated myself and I haven’t seen this year’s prompts.

Edit: I later did see the prompts and check out the blog. I think it's a good set of prompts and I look forward to all the promising content, especially since some of my favorite tropes are there. To be clear before you read this, I have no problem with Whumptober2021 or whump in general. This is not the first time blindness has been included for a list of whump prompts, and it won't be the last.

This post directed at the concept of "blindness" as a whump prompt and why I think it's a bad idea. The intended audience is individual writers thinking about future projects.

The timing of this is almost too perfect because I read a fanfic earlier this week that would meet that prompt exactly. Tags included whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. Now whump, hurt/comfort, and angst with a happy ending are tags I enjoy reading, but blindness as whump has a specific message to it.

To explain that message, I want to discuss what whump is. Many readers are already familiar with the genre, but I think taking the specific definitions and picking apart what it means and what expectations we carry when reading whump fanfiction

Urban Dictionary defines it as: taking a character and putting them through physical and/or mental torment and is typically followed by the same character being treated for their traumas. To indicate the characters place in the situation they’d typically be called a whumpee (the character being hurt/comforted), the whumper (the character that causes harm and trauma), and the caretaker (the character designated the helping/healing/comforting the whumpee).

Fanlore has a page for whump that explains it in depth, including where it started in fanfiction, examples of whump, and even a list of “popular targets” in different fandoms. (Warning: you might find yourself called out on the popular targets list)

“The term whump (or whumping) generally refers to a form of Hurt/Comfort that is heavy on the hurt and is often found in gen stories. The exact definition varies and has evolved over time. Essentially, whump involves taking a canon character, and placing them in physically painful or psychologically-damaging scenarios. Often this character is a fan favorite…”

To add to that, I think an important detail is the distinction Fanlore makes between hurt/comfort and whump:

“While some communities and fandoms may use whump as a synonym for hurt/comfort, there is still a recognition that whump refers to darker and more extreme scenarios. And there are still whump fics been written that have very little, or no comfort at the end of the story.”

The big appeal of hurt/comfort is getting to both explore the darker sides of pain and then experience the catharsis of being taken care of, of being supported by your loved ones as you recover from the trauma. The character is the proxy for experiencing those highs and lows while you yourself are safe at home.

I personally don’t read much/any whump without some h/c involved, but I’m happy there are stories out there for people who do enjoy it. I’m not here to judge what you like reading or what you do to your characters.

What I want is to express how blindness, my disability, used as a whump prompt personally makes me feel and what message it sends to me, to others, and how that message affects my daily life.

Whump undeniably involves watching a character suffer through something painful and traumatic.

My use of the word “suffer” is what I want you to focus on.

Vision loss can be painful and traumatic. I personally developed an anxiety disorder in response to vision loss. Others experience depression. For some it might result in relapsing into old, maladaptive coping mechanisms like drug use, self harm, or eating disorders.

A big part of my anxiety was how people reacted to my vision loss. It was a cause of their stress. They were worried because they genuinely believed I would never live a happy life without normal vision, and that my life would only be struggle and pain.

I recently saw an old friend who hadn’t heard about my vision loss. The conversation was awkward, but the worst part was how they reacted as though I had experienced an insurmountable tragedy. And even when I assured them I’m happy with my life, they clearly didn’t believe me. They acted like I was just lying or in denial.

I love that people want to empathize with my situation and ask themselves what they would do in my situation, but I hate when the conclusion they come to is something along the lines of “I could never do that, I’d be too miserable thinking about everything I lost, I’d never be able to do anything I enjoyed ever again.” But I did go blind. And I’m not miserable, I’m actually happy with the direction my life is going, and I still enjoy my hobbies, even if I engage with them differently.

I’m not suffering. My life didn’t end with vision loss. It’s not ruined, broken, or worthless.

I read a fanfic that was tagged with whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. A general synopsis of the plot: the whumpee had gone blind due to a curse. It was true love’s kiss that broke the curse. Even from the summary I knew it was going to end with whumpee being cured somehow and that I’d leave that fanfic vaguely dissatisfied no matter how good the rest of the fanfic was.

I can say this for the fanfic: the whumpee had already accepted that they would likely be blind for the rest of their life, but everyone around them was treating it as a tragedy that needed to be fixed, working tirelessly for a cure despite the whumpee’s protests that they didn’t have to.

It actually hit home to my personal experience.

I still left it dissatisfied with the ending. I might love curse fics in that fandom, and I love the “true love’s kiss” trope, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from the fact that: an actual person out in the world thought the best happy ending, maybe the only happy ending, would be if the character got their sight back.

(note: I clicked kudos and exited out of the story's page because no fanfic writer deserves unsolicited critique or hate, especially for content I consumed for free and at my own volition.)

Why read a story I knew would disappoint me?

Because blindness representation is so damn rare that I feel like I’m wandering in a desert, dying from thirst and desperate for that oasis. But sometimes that oasis is a mirage and the author is unintentionally telling you that your life is actually awful and you’ll never be fully happy like this. And that is a shit mentality to walk through life with.

I don’t appreciate blindness being a whump plot. I hate it. Hundreds (thousands?) of fanfictions featuring blind characters are about to enter the internet and the overall message is going to be “You poor thing! You must be in so much pain, you must be miserable! Who’s going to save you? Who’s going to comfort you? Wouldn’t it be terrible if there was no one in your life to take care of you? You poor helpless thing!”

And I feel objectified. I feel trivialized. The mirage in the desert is going to become a starch, empty room filled with dozens of water bottles, almost all of them poisoned. My representation is going to hurt me personally, and it’s going to reinforce that idea strangers have about how awful my life must be.

(I returned to school this past month, and every day I’m hesitant to tell someone I’m visually impaired because I don’t want to be treated differently. If I’ve managed to pass as sighted this whole time and then suddenly reveal “oh yeah, I’m visually impaired” I feel this instant silence, this pause of awkwardness as people suddenly question how they’re supposed to treat me. They treated me like a person, and now I’m something strange and unfamiliar.)

I’ve worked so hard to improve representation for blind people, to give internet strangers the exposure to a blind person they need to normalize blindness because I hope that if they’re ever so lucky as to meet a blind person, they’ll treat that person with respect. That hope that another person in the blind community will find a friend they feel comfortable and accepted with. I hope that I’ll meet people who accept my blindness as just another aspect of me (like being bisexual or gender fluid or a writer or a cat lover).

Please don’t turn me and my community into a caricature. Don’t erase everything I’ve worked for with this blog.

To be clear, this is not just me saying "I hate the cure trope" again. This is me saying "the purpose of whump is to painfully hurt your favorite character, and I hate that your idea of pain and suffering is my daily (wonderful) life."

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 299: No Chains Left

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “and then AFO broke out all of the inmates from six other prisons and took a nap. well anyways, here’s the hospital angst.” Kacchan woke up two days later and was all, “WAIT BUT HOW ARE DEKU AND TODOROKI AND ALL OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS EXCEPT IIDA DOING” and then we cut to Shouto’s room where the other U.A. kids were sitting around being Mutually Traumatized and giving each other moral support and such. Everyone was alll, “...”, and then the rest of the Todofam showed up, INCLUDING POSSIBLY REI?! which, omg. The chapter ended with Kacchan STOMPING THROUGH THE HALLS all “WHADDYA MEAN DEKU HASN’T WOKEN UP YET”, dragging along Satou and Mineta behind him, fueled by the power of ALL OF THE FUCKS HE NOW GIVES. He gives so many fucks now you guys. This boy cares so much he can probably deduct it on his taxes.

Today on BnHA: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO GIVE A LOT OF FUCKS, the story cuts abruptly to Hawks, freshly recovering from his near-death experience, and pondering the threads that have weaved the tapestry of his life and led him to this moment. Basically he grew up in poverty with his Jerk Dad and Jerk Mom until his dad got arrested one day and his mom sent him off to go Find Money Or Something, and so he rescued a busload of people and found himself a new career. Back in the present day, Hawks and Jeanist ride around town in Jeanist’s Jamborghini having awkward encounters with civilians in a country on the brink of social collapse, and visiting Hawks’s mother’s home. Hawks is all “I know from an outsider’s perspective it must look like my life currently sucks, but now that the HPSC is gone, my public image is shot, and my parents are finally out of my life, I’m actually feeling SURPRISINGLY GOOD.” Anyway so he’s gonna go meet up with Endeavor now, and p.s. this chapter was fucking fantastic though, damn.

oh my god?? is this Hawks narration?? something about him growing up watching the heroes on TV and thinking of them as fictional characters

okay I scrolled down a little bit more to see the rest of that “Keigo” panel, and wow

this is basically a shed. poor boy definitely grew up rough. let me tell you guys, I came in here ready for some BakuDeku shenanigans; I was not prepared for Hawks Flashback Angst. I AM HERE FOR IT, but also wow I gotta brace myself now lol

HELLO MISTER HAWKS’S JERK DAD, SIR

BnHA sure does have an array of Jerk Dads, doesn’t it. makes me appreciate characters like Masaru and JirouDad all the more for bucking the trend

anyway. so Horikoshi, you really thought that one itty bitty chapter of hospital catharsis would be enough to calm us all before you went right back to showing us child abuse huh. my god man can we rest

BABY HAWKS

swear to god this kid can’t be more than five or six, and yet he has this completely blank look on his face even with his dad looming over him being all threatening and shit. like he’s shut down his emotions to protect himself. imagine what has to happen to a child for him to have learned this at such a young age. fuck

AND MEANWHILE THIS GUY

don’t mingle with humans?? not “other” humans, just humans?? what is this implying here?? and also holy shit Hawks definitely didn’t inherit his looks from his dad orz

then again he doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to his strung-out mom here either

omg omg omg. and this child is basically trapped here in this environment with these two people. this explains a SHITLOAD about Hawks’s personality though you guys. his ability to completely separate his real thoughts from the face he presents to the outside world. his pragmatic approach to analyzing and solving problems. his layers of emotional walls. turns out almost none of that came from the HPSC training -- that was all learned hands-on in his own personal do-or-die survival nightmare childhood!! oh, boy

and small wonder then that he latched on to Endeavor so strongly if he really is the one who brought down his dad and inadvertently saved him from this. also, just putting this out there, I know people are always talking about him and Dabi being foils, and I think it’s very interesting how Touya grew up in a household where he saw firsthand the dark side of hero society, and so ended up becoming a villain in order to bring it down. whereas young Keigo had almost the exact opposite experience, growing up experiencing the dark side of villain society and becoming a hero in order to bring about a world where no one else has to experience that. just. both of them are so determined not to become their fathers. some interesting parallels there

so Hawks was sort of an accident after his parents had “thanks for helping me not get caught after I killed that guy” sex, and now this little boy is growing up in squalor and being beaten by his father for things like Sitting In The Wrong Out-Of-The-Way Corner Trying Not To Be A Bother To Anybody. holy fuck. this is so rough to read through you guys

wait so does Jerk Dad have a an eyeball manipulation quirk?? because he doesn’t have the wings like his son, but wth are these things??

this presumably also means that Keigo has never been to school or anything either. he basically doesn’t exist. he thinks heroes are fictional characters, he doesn’t realize that they’re real people. these are people who could help him if he could escape and find them, but he doesn’t know, and they don’t know about him

OH MY GOD HE’S JUST SITTING IN HIS CORNER HUGGLING HIS ENDEAVOR PLUSH OH MY GOD

how could this child possibly have an anti-fandom when he’s done NOTHING WRONG HIS ENTIRE LIFE. huh. just explain that to me. lol I mean I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone, but also, MAYBE I AM, idk?? this kid has gotten me all riled up lmao

anyways, Protect Keigo 2021, and thank you Horikoshi for these three very terrible pages. I am pleased to inform you that you’ve effectively gotten your point across and you may now commence saving this kid already

YAY

oh no, Keigo’s dumbass jerk dad tried to steal a car and the popo nabbed his ass and now his mom can’t just sit around neglecting her VERY YOUNG SON all day long, oh horrors. sorry lady my tiny violin is on backorder. just imagine that I’m playing a very sarcastic song on it for you

anyway so what are you gonna do now, abandon him? I can hardly imagine he’d be worse off, if anything it might be a near-instant improvement

LMAO HE’S ALL “WAIT WHAT ENDEAVOR’S A REAL FUCKING DUDE?!”

AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO CAN SAVE US~~~~ I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND WAAAAAIT~~~~~ I’LL HOLD ONTO THE WINGS OF THE EAGLES, WATCH AS WE ALL FLY AWAAAAAAY~~~~

lol what a randomly pivotal moment in his young life. TIME TO GO MAKE THESE MEMES INTO DREAMS YOUNG ONE

anyway so his mom freaked out and grabbed him and they wound up at a train station with her TELLING HIM TO GO GET HER SOME MONEY, oh my god. SURE MOM LEMME JUST WALTZ RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE “JOBS FOR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS” STORE AND TELL THEM I NEED SOME CASH. ffff manifesting someone to come help him in 3... 2...

...

SIGH, JUST GO RESCUE THE PEOPLE FROM THE BUS, KEIGO. is this the outfit he was wearing when that happened?? it must be, right?? I can’t imagine them surviving more than a couple days out here unless this starts getting REALLY dark in a way I know that even Horikoshi won’t explore, so yeah. cut to the HPSC now please. never thought we’d be glad to see them. I mean sure, it may be an “out of the frying pan...” case, but good god

THANK YOU!!

and I guess it was his mom’s eyeball quirk then. anyway, whatever, see you again never, hopefully. lol oh man. thaaaat, was upsetting. need to center myself here for a sec. NAMASTE

OH YAY THE PRESENT

so we cut from Baby Hawks Angst straight to Present Day Hawks Angst, huh. not that this exhausted and traumatized lil lad isn’t still a baby to me too, I’ll have you know

BEST JEANIST, ALWAYS WITH THE JOKES

“WHEW, THOUGHT YOU DIED ON ME FOR A SEC THERE KID.” lmao. Caleb will no doubt ruin this by making his word choice all stiffly formal as usual, so I’m just going to treasure this “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M FRESH OUT OF FUCKS” version of Jeanist while I can

look at him, driving his Jeanistmobile

again, is it any wonder Kacchan was bitching about Endeavor’s dinky little car when he was used to riding around town in style like this. anyone else staring at this panel trying to figure out how this car is somehow secretly made of jeans

NOOOOO

FUCK YOU DABI LMAO. PUTTING THESE VOICE ACTORS OUT OF A JOB ONE BY ONE

anyway so Jeanist is all “GOOD THING IT’S THE FUTURE AND WE’RE SO GOOD AT MEDICAL SCIENCE” to handwave how Hawks went from one step shy of being a very handsome corpse, to sitting around texting Jeanist in a car all of two days later

OH MY GOD, AND FINALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS

wait a minute. I’m so confused lmfao. soooo, was Hawks all “anyway, here’s Jeanist’s dead body, you can examine it but please don’t look at him too closely and also I’m gonna need that back unharmed.” how tf did you pull that off lmao

(ETA: also isn’t this technically confirmation of the ol’ Noumu Jeanist theory lol. I’m gonna go ahead and say it is.)

NO BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE. I unironically love reading Horikoshi’s overly convoluted “SEE IT’S NOT A PLOT HOLE” explanations

lkldslfk so wait, you’re telling me Hawks convinced Dabi and the League to put Jeanist’s body in storage, and basically just hoped they wouldn’t use him for any experiments until he could put his plan into action and have the HPSC’s people break in and find and revive him?? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. A FOOLPROOF PLAN IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE

fff this man really asked Jeanist to risk it all to prop up his little cover story, and Jeanist was all “sure why not” omfg. anyways, thanks for recapping all of this out loud for no particular reason in your car conversation you two

LMAO NOW WHAT

TROUBLE YOU SAY? GOOD THING THE NEW NUMBER ONE HERO IS ON THE JOB THEN

okay no it’s just some random thugs strolling around terrorizing the downtown. fuck ‘em. so Jeanist is making short work of them now

uh oh

won’t come? not can’t, but won’t?? what???

WOW

well I guess that makes the local heroes A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS now doesn’t it?? jesus

and okay, serious question, if the cops are spread too thin and the heroes have literally walked out on the job, what exactly is stopping everyone from deciding to use their quirks to defend themselves, legal or not? nothing, as far as I can tell. society just got a hell of a lot more chaotic

anyway so this is an interesting panel here

man, Dabi really did pull it off, didn’t he. well anyway so here’s that better world all of the villains were wanting, you guys! isn’t it so great?? everyone’s terrified and angry and losing hope and society is inches away from collapsing into total anarchy! but hey, at least we exposed the number one hero as a hypocrite

anyway so what are these guys up to

fucking hell, he’s visiting his mom. I really wasn’t prepared to commit this much emotional energy towards reading this chapter today. BUT VERY WELL, WE PRESS ON

?? wait she’s not there?

is this supposed to explain how Dabi knew who Hawks really was? except that there’s the little matter of how he even know where to find his mother in the first place. feels like we’re still missing something there, but oh well

OH MY GOD

RHA I TAKE BACK EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A SCANLATION GROUP FILLED WITH ANGELS LMAO. I WILL TAKE THIS PANEL IN MY HANDS, AND TREASURE IT AND KEEP IT SAFE

ANYWAY, BECAUSE MY TIRED BIRD SON’S LIFE SUCKED SO MUCH ALREADY, IT TURNS OUT HE’S ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH THIS NEW TURN OF EVENTS LOL HOW ABOUT THAT

GOOD FOR YOU BBY. YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON

and in all seriousness, I love that identity he chooses -- chooses, because it actually is him making a choice now, possibly for the very first time in his life -- is “guy who helps people”, though. it really is nothing short of miraculous that he held on to that kind of optimism and desire to do good even with everything he’s been through. there were so many times he could have chosen to turn his back on the world in retaliation for the way it treated him. but he didn’t!! and here he is now, finally free, and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now is simply to help others. anyway please excuse me for a moment, I need to go find some sort of basket or a big vase to put all of my fresh new Hawks Feels in, pardonne-moi

YEAH BOIIIIII

“FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, MISTER JEANIST, WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUSELF THAT SWEETASS CAR.” hey, all I’m saying is if this boy’s wings really aren’t growing back, he’s gonna need to find himself a new means of transportation y’know?

oh my god you guys it’s a flashback to his mom buying him the Endeavor plushie when he was like two because, and I quote, ALL MIGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

oh my god oh my god. my boy out here with a new lease on life finding hope in the darkest of times

wasn’t your throat supposed to be all fucked up lmao. Horikoshi was suddenly all “oh shit the VAs are gonna be pissed at me if I keep this up huh”

“that’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy” motherfucker IT IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR RAIN. FORECAST SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS

:’)

yes ma’am. yes indeed. confirmed, I really will straight up fight some motherfuckers for this child. well not really, but YOU KEEP YOUR DISCOURSE OFF MY LAWN AND OUT OF MY BLOG YOU HEAR. THIS IS A HAWKS-FRIENDLY SPACE. WE RESPECT TAKAMI KEIGO IN THESE STREETS

and he’s saying (or is he thinking?? what a weirdly shaped speech bubble this is) that even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki household is true, “I’m not sure it’s the same now.” which happens to be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. man this whole chapter really is all about saying “fuck the past” and moving forward and I am living for it

SON!!!!

“the first step is at my beginning” fklkjlk. what an iconic fucking line??

AND HIS WINGS!!!! THEY ACTUALLY ARE GROWING BACK AHHHHHHH. “PUT A RAINCHECK ON THAT CAR, JEANIST-SAN.” THE HAWKSMOBILE CAN WAIT, RIGHT NOW HE HAS TO GO INSERT HIMSELF BACK INTO THE TODODRAMA WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

you guys. I came here ready for some BAKUDEKU HOSPITAL ANGST, and I got DIDDLY SHIT of that, and none of my other kids were even in this chapter, but!!! ASK ME IF I CARE LMAO omg. because bird son is hanging with his new best friend, and he’s out here Finding Himself and picking up the pieces and putting them back together stronger than ever because RESILIENCE HAS A NAME, AND IT’S SPELLED H-A-W-K-S, and you guys. profound, my love for this child. holy shit. hey google, play Silence by Marshmello