#And the fact that I quite possibly was a Fantasy Protagonist who got their memory wiped

[moltengoldveins]

In other news: I’m having a Physical Response to RWD and its habit of traumatizing VR-LA in ways I can relate to in uncomfortable ways. Not only did the episode where he was cursed with madness and thought everyone hated him for a few weeks rewrite my brain chemistry and completely rebuild the way I talk to my family, but once when I was seventeen, I had what to me was an incredibly long dream (hallucination???) indistinguishable from reality. I had two extra limbs (wings pog) and was on the run from the government for a long time. I, a long-standing qp partner, and several close friends in a sort of underground royal-guard-esque paramilitary group. (Long story) At the time I woke up I could barely remember what year it was, who or where I was, and why my back hurt So Dang Much (missing limbs will do that to you). I spent the next year or so gradually loosing those memories and compulsively rolling and tensing my back because I could feel limbs that weren’t there. I can now barely remember anything from that dream except a few strong emotions and the tendency to get phantom pains in not-my-shoulders-but-right-above-them. Noir, if you see this: VR-LA and I are second-life buddies now, I have decided. I hope you know what you’ve done to this poor man. He’s gonna have the weirdest habits for the rest of his life and he’s literally never gonna be able to explain them.

[princeescaluswords]

I always find there's such a stark difference between tgt fans and soc fans, and this is could possibly be because of the way the fandom interprets the texts. Six of crows is a heist novel, about people who aren't chosen ones and just live in Kerch. You don't have to be special to be worthy of getting your story told. Soc fans get that. But Darkling fans? Well, it just *can't* be that Alina chooses to be ordinary over being the Darkling's queen, so she apparently *must* end up with her abuser, even though she does not share his morals; even though she is the antithesis of everything he is because she will never see others' lives as expendable for a greater cause. Alina is compassionate and revels in being the 99%, and Darkling fans seem to hate that. Alina was never meant to be a power fantasy, but for Darkling fans, the idea of being normal was never an option - because to them, why would you not choose to be part of the 1%; why would you not turn this into a power fantasy, even when when the author always intended for tgt to be the opposite?

Unfortunately, I have only seen the Netflix adaptation of the Grishaverse. I don't know what "tgt" stands for. However, I can talk about the unpleasant intersection I find between power, status, and ethics that occurs in fandoms. When I refer back to Alina, the Darkling, and the other characters in the Grishaverse, you should bear in mind that it is constrained by my limited knowledge, and I welcome any correction of what you feel is a misinterpretation.

When it comes to many people in our culture, they may claim to want a good story, but they tend to be quite simplistic in their value systems when they think they're not going to be judged for it. Which means they want power fantasies, instead. The problem, of course, is that power fantasies don't make satisfying stories. It's like trying to survive on a diet consisting solely of cheeseburgers.

Let me give a concrete example. In my primary fandom, Teen Wolf, I recently came across an unlabeled post-season 2 story where Jackson Whittemore -- who, for those who don't know, is white, rich, good-looking, entitled and captain of both the lacrosse and the swim team -- is talking about Scott McCall (the lead protagonist in the show but not this story) in very negative terms, complaining about Scott's lack of decency in not telling Allison Argent that her mother was bitten by Derek Hale, an alpha werewolf, while Mrs. Argent was trying to kill Scott. The bite caused Mrs. Argent to kill herself, and, for a time, Allison blamed Derek for her mother's death.

Now, they set aside the fact that the show made it clear that Scott didn't tell Allison because, by the time he figured out what had happened (he was unconscious when Derek bit Allison's mother), it was already too late to change anything, so Scott decided not to tell Allison so that wouldn't be the last memory she had of her beloved mother. You would think that people would view this as an effort to be kind, right? Wrong!

Fandom sees this as an utter betrayal, because it is Derek Hale's feelings, as a white, rich, god-looking, entitled Alpha Werewolf, that should take precedence over Scott's girlfriend's feelings. It doesn't matter that while Derek did come to Scott's rescue, he had beat, manipulated, lied to, betrayed, and tried to murder innocents under Scott's protection for almost all of the first two seasons.

Also relevant is that this is the same Jackson Whittemore, who witnessed his next-door neighbor "kicking the crap" out of his son, Isaac Lahey, and said nothing about it to anyone. This is the same Jackson Whittemore, who when he got the Bite, dumped his girlfriend and told a homeless man to go die in another parking lot, before turning into a murder lizard slave. This is the same Jackson Whittemore for whom the only solution that Derek Hale managed to come up with when this happened was straight-up murder. This is the same Jackson Whittemore whom Scott fought to save from Derek. There is no hint in this fandom story that Jackson is being a hypocrite or being ungrateful or even aware of the contradiction.

The author chose this. Jackson's signature callousness and selfishness simply vanishes just long enough for him to condemn the person who tried to save him for not wanting to hurt his girlfriend's feelings. Why? Jackson is privileged, and he has that in common with Derek, so it is obvious that Jackson will take Derek's perspective in the matter.

Which brings us back to your example. Alina is the Sun Summoner, a living saint, and incredibly powerful. Of course she's supposed to take the side of the Darkling, who is also incredibly powerful. His creation of a slave caste for his kind, his manipulation and murder of countless others, and his creation of the Shadow Fold poisons her nation. This is irrelevant to power fantasy, where power should make her perspective identical to his.

In the modern day, our culture certainly talks about the dangers of the elite, but fandom gives its participants the way to celebrate a freedom from the ethical consideration when it comes to personal power. To them, since fiction =/= reality, they can indulge in their lust for power and status regardless of the consequences. To them, there is no reason for Scott McCall to value Derek Hale's feelings above Allison Argent's; Derek is more powerful, richer, and better looking (and a guy!) so Scott should choose Derek's side. To them, there is no reason that the Sun Summoner will choose a course in life that will prevent her power from corrupting her; if she allowed herself to be corrupted, she'd have all the status of the Darkling.

The problem they have is that the artists behind both the Grishaverse and Teen Wolf, which you are free to consider trivial, still examined the world around them and came to the conclusion that power doesn't supersede the necessity for ethical thought. In other words, the artists realized that power fantasies might give momentary pleasure, but in the end, they don't produce meaningful stories.

Some people have a problem with that.

[ethaneldritch]

Epsiode ??? (cont.)

- "The other thing i really like is that…the main character is a wimp. like no question, he's a loser. But somehow it works, and i can't quite articulate why." - "It's nice from a writing standpoint because everyone around him possesses varying levels of competence way above his own, so the inherent contrast provides a clear focal point for a main pov character."

- "But i think the reason why this guy in particular, despite clearly being a loser, doesn't come across as irritating or overly wishy-washy is that he's genuinely doing his best. Everyone else technically outranks him in every possible way, and although he has issues with feeling like he keeps getting pushed into making decisions he's not ready for, he's still doing his best to make the most of whatever's thrown at him."

(this entry got long, more under the cut)

- "The one thing i am curious about, though, is what they're gonna do about his power. They're calling them "yanlings" in the show, but it's basically just an individual superpower categorized by rank based on how powerful they are. Some people can make ice bullets, others can literally stop time, you get the idea. - "Up until this point, multiple characters have been harping on the fact that the MC is the only student currently attending the school with an S-rank ability. The highest."

(i know, big surprise, he's the main character. but stick with me for a sec)

- "Because of this, everyone automatically places him at the top of the tierlist so to speak, hence why he's being thrust into all these incredibly dangerous scenarios right off the bat. But the other thing is that, up until this point, we haven't actually seen him do anything." - "This little guy called Ming-Z-Lu (they're calling him Lu Mingze in the show, but i'm more familiar with the game spelling, so that's what i'll go with) has been following him around everywhere, and occasionally gives him what i can only describe as a one-use gimmick spell to help with whatever the situation is. But that's, like, it." - so. third thing: - "If the MC, Lu Mingfei, is supposed to be who i think he is (Luminous) - [just checked the wiki and they are the same: Lu Mingfei was his original Chinese name in the novels] - then I already know what his ability is." - "I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but I know what it is." - "so like" - "I'm not entirely sure how this is gonna go..." - "Either they're gonna have him with his "normal" ability and build up a big reveal for it somehow, or they've given him something entirely different." - "Like I said, my memory of the in-game storyline is fuzzy at best, and while I remember Ming-Z-Lu scampering around occasionally, I have no idea what connection he has with Luminous, if any (I thought he was more involved with the Gen brothers)."

^ Actually, I think part of this fuzziness might be an unintentional side effect of Dragon Raja Fantasy simply being an mmorpg. You're not playing as Luminous, you're playing as whatever original character you created. You're basically just a sidekick to the actual protagonist. Which, by extension, means the writers can only get away with so much depiction of Luminous' personal arc before it becomes implausible that we, as non-mind-reading bystanders, could possibly pick up on all that. …I doubt it's that big of a plot hole, but I'll attribute a healthy 2% of my hazy recollection to it anyway. As a treat.

[loki-hargreeves]

You Flower, You Feast - Loki x Reader [PART 2]

[PART 1]

Warnings: pregnancy, relationship issues, morning sickness, angst, fighting, flinching, falling ill, magical medical procedures, mentions of death (possibility of dying, but no one dies), mentions of torture, hurt/comfort, bittersweet fluff and implied smut (love making) at the end

Word Count: 8,1K

Summary: Part 2 of ‘you flower, you feast’. You’re pregnant, but you’re hiding the fact from Loki. After his return, he has been different and you haven’t been able to confide in him like you did before. The truth is revealed after you end up in the infirmary after getting sick. The fear of almost losing you makes Loki realize that things need to change, and he finally tells you what happened to him after he fell from the bridge. It seems like he’s finally back again. 

Author’s Note: You don’t really have to read the first part in order to read this, but it would help paint a fuller picture. The first part has smut, but the plot is quite long as well. I hope you’ll enjoy this! Requested by @sunshineyrosie​

   THIRD POV

The sickness took over Y/N by surprise. She had just woken up and she immediately knew that something was wrong. Without wasting any time, she got up from the safety of the warm bed, running toward the bathroom that was in her and Loki’s shared quarters. By the time she reached the toilet, everything she had eaten the previous day came up, making her eyes and nose sting. It made her stomach sick when she coughed up everything which left a foul taste in her mouth. 

She couldn’t remember the last time she had woken up so abruptly. When she was finished, she cleaned up after herself and had to rinse her mouth thoroughly. 

A thought crossed her mind as she wondered why she was so nauseous. Could it be? Could she be pregnant? 

It had been a few weeks since she and Loki had decided to try for a baby. For countless nights, they had been tangled in a rough dance and her body had every mark to prove that. Not that it didn’t feel great, because the rough sex with Loki was mind-blowing, but that was all it was; rough. Loki was still not letting her in. He was hiding behind his tall and strong walls and she was afraid he’d never break them down. It felt like he used the sex as a distraction. 

Y/N put a hand on her stomach and realized that if she was carrying a child - their child - it would change their lives. Would Loki change? What if he stayed the same, distant and rough man. Could that be good for a child? 

“Are you in there?” Loki’s voice startled her. He hadn’t been in bed when she had woken up, but now he was right behind the bathroom door. 

Although she was still in shock, she tried to push her thoughts away. Her hand dropped to her side and she cleared her throat, “Yeah,” letting him know she was awake and well. 

“Is everything alright?” Loki wondered. It was sweet of him to care. Perhaps he was hoping to hear some positive news, but she wasn’t going to tell him. Not yet. 

Y/N took one last glance in the mirror, noticing just how tired she looked. Perhaps a bath would make her feel better and more at ease? She decided to get the water running.

“I’m fine, Loki. I’m going to take a bath,” She let him know, leaving an open invitation for him to join her. 

The door opened and Loki walked in. He had magicked his clothes on because once they were in private, they came off by vanishing into thin air. “Mind if I join you?” 

The water began to flow silently into the big bathtub. Surely, the hot water would make her feel better. Perhaps Loki would benefit from the relaxation it offered too. 

“Sounds great,” She smiled, but she didn’t sound too convincing. Her morning sickness was fresh on her mind and all she could think about was the possibility of being pregnant. For some reason, it absolutely terrified her. If only Loki was alright, so she could confide in him. How would he react to the news? Would he be mad if she hid it from him? 

As the two of them sunk into the water that smelled of lavender and other expensive herbs and oils, Y/N leaned against Loki’s body. She was still exhausted and she wished that even for a moment, they could just be like this. It reminded her of the good old days when they were so happy. Everything had changed. Being like that, so close was lovely. 

Loki’s skilled fingers traced patterns over her exposed skin. He was careful not to apply too much pressure to the fresh love-bites and bruises among the old ones. If anyone saw her like that, it would be obvious that she was his, and vice versa. Loki’s back was certainly covered in scratches.

Y/N wondered if Loki could feel the way her heart was pounding in her chest. She wondered if he could tell she was troubled by her own thoughts. Did he still care? 

“What’s on your mind, dear?” He noticed that something was different. For weeks, everything had been out of the ordinary. Was he simply imagining it or was she distracted by something? 

She blinked a few times, hoping to get rid of the sleepiness that still had a hold on her. Then she faced Loki, searching for something familiar in his eyes. She knew that he was still in there, and sometimes it showed, like in moments like these. 

What is on my mind? She thought. She wanted to know what happened to Loki on the bridge because Thor and Odin refused to tell her the details. What happened to him after that? Where had he been and who had he been with? Why did Loki show up on Midgard with the goal of taking over the realm? Why had he visited Earth out of all places before coming to her? Had he missed her? Because she had missed him more than words could’ve ever expressed. The nights she spent in the palace where she couldn’t escape his memory, thinking he was dead, had been absolutely dreadful. She had thought of him every single day. 

“Nothing, I’m just tired,” Y/N sighed and decided to keep things to herself, for now. It was better that way. Perhaps Loki saw that she was lying, but he decided not to poke holes in her story. Deep down, he feared he might’ve already known the answer. Guilt was tormenting him already but he had no clue how to deal with it. Where would he even begin? It was easier to shut her out. 

                                                           A few weeks passed, and she held tight onto her secret. By now it was clear as daylight that she was expecting a child, their child. It should’ve been easy to tell Loki, but so far she kept it to herself. Sometimes it felt like Y/N was trying to fool her own mind and lie to herself. Despite it all, she knew that it was wrong. At some point, he would find out whether she liked it or not and she knew it would be best if Loki heard it from her. Yes, he wanted a child. But how would he react? Was he ready? Was he having these fantasies merely so they would stay together? What if he didn’t actually want a baby and he’d be mad? 

Y/N hated the thoughts she had. She absolutely despised the fact she feared him for no good reason. Loki had never hurt her and he had never implied that he would, yet her mind twisted things. He had changed, and she still didn’t know why. Would she ever see the old him again? 

It was midday and the sun was bright enough that even inside in the great library in the palace, she could read with ease without additional lights. With a cup of tea by her side and a book in her hand, she focused on the fictional world she was reading about, completely blocking out her real life for just a moment. In stories that had never happened, nothing mattered. She could look into a character’s life and worry about their problems instead of her own. Besides, for a few days now she had felt sick to her stomach and a headache had been prominent for days on end now. Not even her own magic had pushed it away which was unusual, but she assumed it was because of the pregnancy. Therefore she didn’t think to mention her odd symptoms to anyone. Not that anyone would’ve cared much of a headache anyway. 

When she put the book down, it was much darker. Through the sheer curtains, she could see the sun was setting, which painted all of Asgard golden and pink. When had she finished her tea?

“Y/N?” Loki’s familiar voice caught her attention. Time had passed quicker than she could’ve expected, and she realized that she had forgotten to meet him. They had planned on eating dinner together that day. 

Quickly, she put the book down and she got up, noticing how stiff she felt after having been frozen on one spot for several hours probably. For a moment, she felt dizzy which she blamed on for standing up so fast.

“I’m here!” She let him know about her whereabouts as slowly the occurrences of the protagonist faded away from her mind. 

As Loki walked up to her, he seemed relieved - but only for a short while. 

“I was worried when you didn’t show up,” He said honestly. It was possibly the most caring thing he had said since his return, yet he was probably disappointed. Y/N quickly wiped away her bitter thoughts and focused on the brighter side. Despite how guilty she felt about missing their dinner date, she thought it was a great opportunity to try to dig deeper into what happened to him. Perhaps he’d open up?

“I’m so sorry, Loki, I am,” Y/N apologized sincerely, closing the gap between them. She felt hopeful when Loki let her take his hands in hers. His were always so soft, even when his touch was rougher than before between the sheets these days. His hands never changed. “I wasn’t feeling well and when I opened the book, I didn’t even notice how much time had passed until now.”

Loki overlooked what she said about feeling unwell. Perhaps it was wrong but he assumed she was avoiding him. Truthfully, he knew he had been a lot to handle recently. Hell, if he had been in her shoes, he would’ve probably avoided himself too. Loki couldn’t be too mad at her, because he did blame himself a lot. If only he knew how to change. His mind would surely be the end of him. 

“Hey,” Y/N noticed how lost he seemed in his own head, “Are you alright?”

A smile spread on his face, completely disregarding the sad trace that glimmered in his eyes a moment ago. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

So defensive, she thought. “If there’s anything you want to talk about, I hope you know I’m here for you.”

Loki recognized that look on her face. It was pity, and he hated it. Loki didn’t want her pity, he didn’t feel deserving of it. 

He pulled his hands out of her gentle grasp, “Do you think I can’t take care of myself?” 

The way he assumed things that she would never think was infuriating. Perhaps he was taking a toll on Y/N’s nerves because her headache was getting worse and she felt her blood boiling beneath her skin. She didn’t know how much longer she could hold up with his, and pretend as nothing had ever happened, or how long she could keep it a secret that she was carrying their child and she was unsure whether or not it was a good idea to have this baby. The guilt and pain were tormenting her. 

“That’s not what I said, Loki-”

“You were thinking it, were you not?” Loki didn’t know why he said that, but now it was too late. He didn’t wish to fight with her, but it seemed like his own thoughts and feelings were about to pour over the brim. 

A sigh escaped her lips and she felt like sitting down. The world around her was spinning and she wasn’t sure if it was just her nerves burning up that was causing it. It grew worse at an alarming rate and she felt cold sweat on her skin. 

“Don’t twist my words, Loki,” She groaned, more annoyed at the sick feeling that was overwhelming her rather than his attitude. 

Those words she said were a sharp reminder of the moment Loki shared with Odin. When he lifted the ice casket, when he confronted his so-called father and found out that he had been taken from Jotunheim as an infant. 

Loki’s heart was breaking in his chest piece by piece. The lie he had grown up in was now shattering and he saw through the cracks. Everything was beginning to make more sense. The pain and pure agony he felt was barely contained. He kept his teary-eyed glued onto his father, Odin, who wasn’t that much of his father after all. 

“The casket wasn’t the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”

Odin looked shocked, but he didn’t look sad. It was like he cared more about being caught in a lie rather than being caught as a liar and a terrible father. Odin never cared about Loki, did he? Loki began to believe that he had never even been loved by him. Why did Odin know about Loki’s blue skin? Why did he know that it wasn’t a curse? It should’ve been a major shock to anyone, but Odin knew...

“No,” Odin eventually answered him.

Loki stopped walking once they were close enough for his liking. He wanted Odin to see his wrath and fury, and he wanted to see the shame on Odin’s face. 

“In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple and I found a baby - small for a giant’s offspring,” Odin recalled the day he found Loki. Of course, he didn’t tell Loki the exact story of the events that occurred. Odin wanted it to seem more glorious and heroic than it actually was. Loki would never know. “Abandoned, suffering....left to die.”

“Laufey’s son,” Odin confirmed.

“Laufey’s son,” Loki had to repeat that in order to process what he just heard. They were only two words, but he felt tears gathering in his eyes and he was choking up which he tried to ease by swallowing thickly, nervously. 

“Yes,” Odin nodded. He was oddly calm.

Loki stood there in shock, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. As if it wasn’t worse enough that his family had lied to him his entire life, now he was hearing that his actual family hadn’t wanted him either. Could it be true? That he was a prince that no one wanted to see become a king? Had he ever been worthy of love? What would Y/N think of him once she’d find out about his true origin? Would she stop loving him? 

“Why?” Loki struggled as he searched for the words he wanted to use. His thoughts were racing in his head and he felt like he would go mad if he tried to think too much right now. “You were knee-deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?” 

“You were an innocent child-”

Loki could smell Odin’s lie from a mile away and it fueled his rage, “No. You took me for a purpose, what was it?” Loki had to know, even if he feared it would torment him for the rest of his life. There had to be a reason, Odin didn’t care for abandoned babies - otherwise, the palace would be full of children.

Odin was shocked that Loki had interrupted him, let alone refused to listen to his sorrow story. How would he react if he told him the real truth? Odin wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

The silence in the vault was uncomfortable, and it was burning on their skin. For Loki, the silence was dreadful and he couldn’t take it, 

“TELL ME!” He demanded loudly, his painful cry echoing throughout the entire room and surely beyond the golden walls. 

Odin couldn’t look Loki in the eye, “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace through you.”

Tears rolled down Loki’s face now, which he couldn’t control anymore. What Odin said was almost worse than not knowing at all. Odin had only seen an opportunity in Loki as an object, as a piece in negotiation. 

“Why?” 

“But those plans no longer matter,” Odin was quick to reassure him, but Loki doubted that. How could he ever trust another word that came out of his mouth ever again? That man had lied about Loki’s entire existence, made him believe that his own race was the pure evil enemy of the nine realms. Loki had heard Odin bash about how he had defeated the Jotuns in battle, and killed unimaginable amounts of Jotun soldiers. He had said those things as he kept the secret of Loki’s true nature. It was gross, it made Loki taste muck in his mouth.

“So I’m no more than another stolen relic,” Loki looked at the other stolen things in the vault that he was surrounded by, which was incredibly ironic, “locked up, here, until you might have use of me?” 

Odin didn’t enjoy being talked back to. He couldn’t foresee this ever happening and he couldn’t imagine what Loki was going through. The old king could only think about himself, about how he had faced this before with Hela. Why were his children not good enough? 

“Why do you twist my words?” 

Odin’s question echoed in Loki’s head and for a moment, he forgot the conversation that he had with his wife, one that was quickly escalating into a fight. It was a miracle it hadn’t happened sooner.

“Loki,” Y/N noticed that somehow, her words had affected him terribly. She wanted to know why. One side of her mind told her to give it up, to keep pretending like everything was fine because clearly Loki was still hurt. Another part of her wanted to encourage him to open up, to trust her again. She wanted to help him. The rough sex and silence afterwards would only get toxic and it wasn’t good for any of them long term. 

“You wouldn’t understand,” Loki made up his mind. 

Being pushed away constantly was not only frustrating but painful. When they got married, they had become a team. They had to be there for each other through the good and the bad. She had promised to be his rock, to be the one he could confide in no matter what. Suddenly, guilt overwhelmed her. He had promised that to her as well, and yet she hadn’t told Loki about the baby. 

“How can you say that if you don’t even try to make me understand?” She wondered, almost demanding him to say something, anything at all other than dismissive sentences and strange gazes.

Where would he even begin? It had been so long, and Loki had seen so much. Would he tell her about what happened on Asgard? Or should he begin with the titan that still haunted him like a shadow. 

“Loki, what happened to you on that bridge?” Y/N dared to ask him about something that surely was a sore spot. No one had told her, although she had asked many times. Thor had tried to come up with a heroic explanation for it all, but Y/N knew it to be all lies. Something darker had happened and she wanted to know so that she could help Loki. 

Had they really not told her? Loki was surprised at how little she truly knew. A broken smile spread on his face. Odin and Thor hadn’t had the guts to tell her the truth. They were so cowardly, it was almost comedic in a way. 

“What did they tell you happened?” 

“They told me lie after lie. I don’t care about their version of the story. Loki, the only story I care about is yours,” She let out a shaky breath. The spinning was getting worse by the second. Had she consumed something bad?

Loki wanted to tell her, but he knew the truth would put her through a lot of sorrow. Would she still care for him if she knew everything?

He held onto his words for a while longer. Every cell in his body was burning with longing, wanting to tell her everything, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Besides, he kept thinking about Odin which agitated him. Why did he have to make it into every aspect of his life? 

Loki fell silent and watched her walk away. Instead of trying to reach for him, she walked to the nearest bookcase and leaned against the fine wood. 

“What’s going on?” Loki realized how oddly she was behaving. Perhaps she was genuinely feeling under the weather? His anger began to fade as it was replaced by worry. 

“Nothing!” She hissed, lying, but only because she didn’t want to focus on her. 

Loki couldn’t bear hearing her lies, as ironic as it was. “Don’t lie to me, Y/N, I can tell that something is off!”

As he spoke with a loud voice and walked towards her, Y/N flinched. She didn’t mean to, but the loud noise and his abrupt movement had startled her. Her hand quickly covered her stomach, which was completely unintentional and her eyes widened in shock. Why did she react like that?

Loki stilled completely, unable to believe what happened. Did she think he would harm her? Was she afraid of him? 

“Did you think I was going to hurt you?” He muttered in disbelief. Seeing the look on her face made Loki feel disgusted with himself. He felt like a monster. 

Y/N let her hand fall to her side. 

“No, I just...I don’t know, Loki,” She felt awful for even thinking about it. That was Loki! Her husband. The man she was in love with. If it wasn’t for the torturous headache and nausea she was suffering from, she would’ve hugged him and reassured Loki that she wasn’t afraid of him, but right now all she could do was  lean against the steady bookcase. Y/N was convinced that her balance would betray her if she tried to stand all on her own. 

It was definitely not something she could’ve ignored furthermore. In a desperate attempt to make things right, she tried to walk to Loki. Although she was lightheaded and everything around her began to turn into a blurry mess, she knew one thing; she needed Loki. She couldn’t let him think he was a monstrous creature. She hadn’t meant to flinch like that - it just happened. 

Whenever times were troubling or she was afraid, she always wanted to be with him.

Loki noticed how quickly her demeanor was changing. It almost looked like she was intoxicated. The way she massaged her temples and how she leaned into her own touch, looking dizzy even though she was standing, was strange. As he looked closer, he noticed that her body was trembling ever so slightly. The sight of her like that calmed his anger since it got replaced by worry. 

“Y/N?” He wanted to see her face. Was she crying?

She took a step toward him and almost tripped over her own feet. Loki caught her in his arms just in time. 

“That’s it, I’m taking you to the infirmary,” Loki made up his mind, past conversation now long forgotten. The only thing that mattered was her well-being. Frankly, seeing her like that terrified Loki. During all the years they had spent together, he had never seen her like this and it was more than alarming. 

The walk from the palace library to the infirmary wasn’t that long, but it felt like it took them hours. With every step they took, she seemed to get weaker. By the time they were walking down the hallway to the infirmary, Loki had to wrap his arm around her waist to keep her on her feet - otherwise she would’ve fallen on the cold, hard floor. 

The healers had seen them coming. Without a shared word being said, they took Y/N from him and placed her on the bright inspection bed nearby where they could figure out what was wrong with her. Loki wanted to stay, but everything escalated incredibly fast, leaving him in the side. There was no way he would’ve pushed himself between the people who were trying to help her.

The words everyone said merged together, and it seemed like he could only hear his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. He just stood there and watched as the love of his life was surrounded by the best healers in the nine realms and even they seemed panicked. Something was terribly wrong. 

The gold magic surrounded her and Loki caught a glimpse of the soul forge that the healers were examining. Even if he had wanted to focus on it, he wasn’t sure if he could’ve. Loki looked at Y/N again whose eyes were closed by now and she looked to be asleep, only he knew that she wasn’t resting. 

He didn’t really phantom how much time had passed until a healer walked up to him, gesturing Loki to walk further away.

“We need to use drastic magic in order to heal her,” She explained carefully, not wanting to upset the prince.

“What’s wrong with her?” Loki had to know, worry clear in his voice. 

The healer looked lost, almost nervous. “There is a blockage in her head. The magic it requires to heal her is strong and we do not know if the baby will survive it.”

The baby?

Loki’s mouth fell open but he didn’t find any words. He was already in shock when she fell ill so fast, but to hear about a baby was like a bucket of ice cold water was doused over him. She was pregnant?

The lady knew that there was no time they could waste, so she was forced to move on, “Since you are the father, we need your opinion on the procedure. Are you willing to risk losing the baby-”

“Yes!” Loki couldn’t believe they were asking him that. “Yes, please, I just need her to survive.” He didn’t want to lose the child that he just learned existed, but most importantly he couldn’t imagine losing her. Nothing else mattered than his wife’s well-being. If he lost Y/N, he would lose himself. As tragic as the idea was of possibly losing their unborn child, it would be even worse to lose her. After all, there was only one of Y/N. They could always try to start a family of their own again if they wanted to.

They took her away and Loki was forced to wait outside the infirmary. He had no clue what they were doing to her, and he couldn’t just stand in the hallway and wait. Loki was going to retreat to the privacy of their shared quarters, but it felt like his legs had turned to pillars of ice. As he stood there, taken back by shock and tears that threatened to spill from his eyes, he heard footsteps coming his way. As Loki glanced in the direction, he saw Lady Sif walking there along with Frigga. Right now, the last thing he desired was to talk to anyone. 

“What happened?” Frigga seemed concerned, looking into the infirmary and then at her son who had tears in his green eyes. It hurt her to see him like that. 

“I don’t know,” Loki realized he hadn’t spoken in  a while. He wasn’t sure how long he had stood there, but by now it was dark outside. His heart was still racing and it felt like the world was caving in on him. “She fell ill so suddenly, they said it’s serious,” Loki pushed the words out of his mouth. Saying it out loud just made it real, and now he felt like crying the pain away. 

Lady Sif didn’t say anything, but Loki felt a pair of judging eyes on his skin. She probably thought it was Loki’s fault somehow,

Was it?

He couldn’t help but wonder if he had noticed these signs sooner, would she be alright?

Frigga pulled Loki into a hug and he didn’t resist it. In fact, it felt comforting to be held. Had it been any other day recently, he would’ve pushed her away but not now. Loki hugged her back and wished that Sif would turn around. As he leaned against his mother’s touch, he felt his own tears rolling down his face silently. 

Y/N was pregnant, but he wouldn’t tell them. Not now. 

“She’ll be alright,” Frigga attempted to comfort him. There was a certainty in her voice that Loki wanted to find solace in. He knew there was no way she could tell whether or not Y/N would be alright, but in that moment it was nice to believe that. 

               The headache had turned into a dull pain, which felt so good compared to what it had been before. It was warm in the air around Y/N and she felt oddly comfortable. She was waking up from sleep, but she couldn’t remember falling asleep. Why was it so dark? 

As she opened her eyes, she quickly learned where she was. The palace infirmary. The healer’s weren’t anywhere to be seen, but someone was holding her hand. 

It was Loki.

He was awake and he looked at her with glistening eyes. She noticed just how exhausted he looked and it made her heart sting. 

The baby!

Y/N had to know the baby was safe. In a moment of worry and confusion, she put her hand on her belly and opened her mouth, “is it safe?” 

Then she realized she had never told him. For so many mornings now she had been woken up because of the feisty little thing, that she had grown accustomed to it. If Loki hadn’t known, now he certainly did.

“The baby is safe, Y/N,” Loki finally spoke. He didn’t sound resentful at all. Instead, there was a calm in his voice, because of how relieved he was. Not only did the baby make it, but so did she. The healers had worked their magic just in time and therefore both of them had been saved. For a moment, Loki had been afraid that he had lost them. 

Guilt began to crawl beneath her skin. Although she rested comfortably on the soft bed, she didn’t feel good. Nothing had gone to plan. Loki had deserved to find out about the pregnancy differently. 

“I was afraid I’d lose you,” Loki admitted, his grip on her hand tightening ever so slightly. It felt so good to hold her, to know she was alive and well. 

Slowly, she tilted her head so she could face him. Had Loki been crying? The sight of him like that, with slumped shoulders, messy hair and sad eyes was heartbreaking. As if he hadn’t gone through enough already. 

“Thank you,” She barely got the words out of her mouth. Loki had been the one who took her there in time. Surely, if he hadn’t come to the library, she would’ve been sprawled on the couch, book in hand and with a terrible headache  - or worse. She didn’t want to think about it. 

“They said you had something in your head. It could’ve...it could’ve taken your life,” Loki recalled what the healers had explained to him as he had listened half-heartedly. His mind had been tampered with worried thoughts and guilt-riddled ideas. All that mattered was that they were both safe and sound. 

Whatever it was, Y/N was just glad they were alright. All she could think about was the baby. She felt bad for ignoring her symptoms for so long. Had she endangered the fetus? What had caused it? Would she ever know?

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” By now she had teared up. The words struggled to pour from her quivering lips. 

Loki brushed his fingers on her face, attempting to comfort her the best way he could. His touch was so gentle, so affectionate. It sent shivers down her spine. The gentle touch reminded her of how things used to be. 

“How long have you known?” Loki was almost afraid to ask. 

“A few weeks. I wasn’t sure until recently.”

“Right…” He couldn’t blame her for hiding the fact. During the several hours he had spent sitting by her bedside, he had thought over the time they had spent together in the past few weeks since his return. The fact that she could feel guilty about it was mind boggling to him. Loki was angry at himself for just how much he had pushed her away. It was no wonder she didn’t fully trust him. Each time she had tried to connect with him, he had turned a blind eye or he had distracted both of them with sex. As he thought of it, it made his stomach twist in knots. 

Y/N could tell that Loki was deep in thought. She squeezed his hand lightly, “I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Loki was quick to reassure her. Once again, he felt tears in his eyes, blurring his vision. He hated crying, but sometimes he couldn’t make it stop. It was time for them to fix things.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N blinked and felt tears sliding down across her face and her neck. Despite his comforting words, she felt guilty. The pain she had carried in her heart for weeks now was seeing daylight and it felt fresh. It was all so overwhelming. 

Loki leaned closer to her and pressed a kiss on her forehead. She could feel how his lips were trembling ever so slightly.

“It’s going to be alright,” Loki whispered after a while. “I promise. I’ve shut you out for far too long.”

Was he going to open up to her? 

Loki recognized the hopeful gleam in her teary eyes. He knew how important it was for both of them to discuss what had happened. They couldn’t move on if they pretended that he had never been gone in the first place. But he wasn’t going to speak of it now when she was recovering. 

“I love you, Loki,” She murmured softly and managed to crack a smile. 

His heart swelled with affection. God, he loved her more than she could ever know. Loki couldn’t understand how he had treated her, it made him angry. 

“I love you too,” He returned the words to her. Loki might’ve been a master at lying, but when he professed his love to her, no one could deny the sincerity in his words. 

Carefully, he moved his hand and placed it over her stomach, where he figured the baby was. He felt goosebumps all over his skin as he laid his palm flat over her. Knowing that their child was growing there was astonishing. Loki felt so lucky that he was going to start a family with her. 

No more words were needed. Y/N could tell what he was thinking. He loved both of them so much.

                                A few days later, she was feeling much better. The healers had told her to take it easy for a while, especially now as she was pregnant. Returning to her and Loki’s quarters was exciting. Finally, some proper privacy. 

Ever since the incident, something changed in Loki. Perhaps it was the startling revelation that he almost lost her that changed him. Time was precious, even for them. He had been away from her long enough and he wanted to make up for the wasted time. 

Although they had been quite happy for the past few days, he knew it would all come to an end, at least for a while as he’d open up about what he had gone through since he last was on Asgard. 

Candles had lit the room, making it comfortable and warm. There were a few candles on their nightstands, others on the shelves nearby and some were levitating midair with the little help of magic. 

Loki had certainly made her feel welcome in their private space again, after she had stayed away for only a few days. As she saw the tea on a tray by the bed, her heart swelled in her chest. It was so sweet of him. 

“You didn’t have to,” She turned to Loki who was right by her side. The joy on her face was irreplaceable to him. 

“But I wanted to,” Loki reassured her.

It had been yet another long day and they couldn’t wait to get wrapped in the blankets and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Despite how scared they both had been when she ended up in the infirmary, the time afterwards had been wonderful. Loki had finally softened up again, at least to her. 

The two of them sat down on the bed with warm teacups in their hands. For a while, they embraced the silence that settled around them. It was nice. 

“You know,” Y/N was the first one to speak, “I’m having a great time, but I was wondering if you’d like that. It’s okay if you don’t.”

“I suppose now is a good time,” Loki’s reply surprised her.

She put her nearly empty cup away as Loki magicked his on the nightstand. The mood shifted slightly, but it was less dramatic than anything that they had went though in the past few weeks. They sat on the bed in a way they could face each other and they were still cosy. 

“Where do I even begin?” Loki laughed, but he didn’t sound full of joy. He was genuinely nervous. No one had ever heard this story. No one knew. 

Y/N put her hand on his shoulder, attempting to make him relax as much as he possibly could. She sensed that whatever it was that he was going to say, it would be extremely difficult for him. “Were you alone?” She asked him, initiating the conversation. By now, even her heart was racing in her chest. The thought of him being all alone for so long made her sad. She hoped he had good company at least.

Although he sat safely on his bed, Loki could feel the vastness of space around him. He could see the darkness and the stars that were so incredibly far away. There was nothing but stone beneath his feet and he was cold, inside out. 

“I was found by a titan, who calls himself Thanos,” Saying his name felt wrong. It was like fire burning on his tongue. “For a while, I was trapped with him. Wherever he went, I did too. I didn’t have much of a choice.”

Loki’s entire demeanor changed. He couldn’t look her in the eye. It almost seemed like he was mentally in an entirely different place. Seeing him like that was so unusual for her, and it made her feel terrible. 

She put her hand on his arm, running her fingers up and down his skin every so softly, to remind him that she was right by his side.

“When he found me, I was weak. I tried to put up a fight, and he saw what I was capable of. When his puppets showed up, I was outnumbered,” Loki felt ashamed that he hadn’t been able to fight them off. They were more powerful than he liked to admit. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” She reassured him as she recognized the hint of guilt and shame on his face. Loki had been weak when he fell. Most would’ve died after being sucked up by the portal and being thrown out into the emptiness of outer space. The energy was so strong it could end someone’s life in seconds. It was a miracle he survived that alone.

“Thanos wanted me to work for him, to do his dirty work. I refused,” He smiled but it was an empty smile, “which resulted in months of torture.” His smile vanished completely, leaving behind only a shadow of misery. 

Although she had expected something awful, she hadn’t thought she’d hear that. Suddenly, it made sense why he had been like that when he returned. Why it looked like he hadn’t slept in months, why he was afraid to put pressure on his other leg almost like he was in pain. Why he had shut everyone out completely and distanced himself physically and emotionally. 

Y/N wanted to say something, but it felt like she had eaten flour. Her mouth was dry and she was speechless. Instead, she pulled him closer ever so slightly, hoping to comfort him with her actions. 

Loki let himself be embraced by her. In fact, when she wrapped her arms around his body and his face nuzzled the crook of her neck, which made it so easy to inhale her sweet scent, he realized how much he needed it. Loki thought he would have spoken more without getting so emotional, but to even think about the pain he had endured was hard. It made him cold to his core and he felt nauseous all over again. When he hugged her back and let himself get lost in her arms, he could begin to heal. 

“I don’t think...I would’ve survived if I hadn’t thought of you,” He said so softly he wasn’t sure if she heard him.

She did.

Picturing Loki being tortured by a titan made Y/N so angry. She hated the fact that someone had made him feel so terrible, forcing him to feel so much pain after everything that he had gone through. Hearing that he thought of her when he was going through it all broke her heart. If only she had been there, right by his side. 

“You didn’t deserve that, Loki,” She was surprised she was able to speak. Her lips were quivering as she tried to stay strong for his sake. 

Her words were warm. They pushed the cold he was surrounded by away. Perhaps she was right?

Loki pulled back ever so slightly, because he wanted to face her. When he did, he was surprised to see that she was holding back tears. He already had silent tears on his skin that he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. What had he done to deserve her?

“I agreed to work for him,” He revealed, skipping ahead of time because there was no way he could’ve gone into details about the nightmare Thanos put him through. Most of the memories were dark, just barely there. It was like his mind didn’t want to remember the tiny details. 

“I saw places I didn’t know existed - far beyond the nine realms. I became friends with Nebula. She was Thanos’ daughter,” Loki wasn’t sure if they were quite friends, but she seemed to understand him despite her harsh words and mean attitude. Out of all the children, only Nebula had been someone Loki could tolerate. “We were supposed to find something. I suppose they were called the infinity stones.”

Y/N could’ve sworn she had heard someone mentioning them before, but it didn’t ring any bells now. It did make her curious. Why wouldn’t Thanos go seek them himself? “Did you find them?”

“Well, soft of, yes. Thanos sent me to Midgard to fetch the tesseract. In exchange I was going to be freed,” He explained why he had gone to New York. It had been quite recent, but it felt like so long ago. Loki had been so scared but incredibly determined to get the job done too. He thought it was the only way he’d ever get to see her again, and live a day without excruciating suffering. 

Y/N suddenly understood more than before. He hadn’t wanted to go to Earth out of his own will. He was on a mission to win his freedom. She wondered what had happened. Thanos didn’t have the tesseract, but Loki was right there by her side. Did it mean he was safe and free?

“I’m happy you’re here,” She let him know. Having Loki back was the greatest gift she could’ve ever asked for. Although the things that had happened on Midgard weren’t good, she wasn’t mad. She was more furious over the fact that Thor, and others who had done much worse things, pretended that Loki was some kind of villain and they were the heroes.

“I was so scared that Thanos would come here,” and I still am, he thought but left it out. “I failed to deliver the tesseract,Y/N. They…”Loki couldn’t say it. He blinked, and remembered the Other who had threatened him repeatedly. 

...If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can not find you. He will make you long for something sweet as pain… 

“You don’t have to say it,” Y/N noticed that he got lost in his memories again. She understood if some of them were too hard to speak of now. He had said so much already. It couldn’t have been easy for him. “You’re safe, you’re here with us again. We have all the time in the world to speak of this, one step at the time.”

Gosh, her words were keeping him sane. Loki was able to take a deep breath as he heard that, keeping himself grounded there. He wasn’t with Thanos, and he certainly wasn’t being harmed. He was in the arms of his wife and they were in the palace of Asgard with numerous guards and warriors outside their door. It was quite the resistance if Thanos or his children would show up.

“I think I’ll have to continue tomorrow, dear.”

“That’s okay, Loki. I understand,” She was so understanding.

As Loki looked at her, the daggers in his heart twisted. Thanos knew that she existed. Thanos also knew how to torture others, and the worst torture Loki could’ve possibly imagined was that Thanos would find her. There was no way he could ever let that happen. Loki knew he had to do something to get Thanos off his tracks. Could he make the titan believe he had died? It was something he had to think of sooner than later.

“I love you,” Loki had to voice his feelings. He caught her by surprise when he leaned in for a kiss, but she didn’t seem to mind it. Instead, Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted her head, deepening the kiss ever so slightly. This time it was sweet and tender. His hands cupped her face and the back of her head and it was sincere. The kiss was bittersweet. It tasted salty like their tears, but it was so passionate. They truly loved one another. 

When their lips parted, they stayed close. Their foreheads touched gently and they both closed their eyes, enjoying each other’s presences for a moment. They let reality sink in.

For the first time in months, Loki felt more like himself again. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was beginning to deal with his issues. There was hope for the future. 

“I love you too,” Y/N exclaimed after a while. She placed a sweet kiss on Loki’s neck, then another. There were so many kisses they had to catch up with. She wanted to touch him with love and kindness where others had hurt him, until there wasn’t a trace left of the others. 

And Loki wanted to be pampered by her, to get lost in her and forget about all the rest. 

His hands travelled down her side, slowly but surely making their way to her hips. Loki wanted her closer, but for the first time in so long, he didn’t know how to ask her. Usually, it was so easy to pull her in and take her, but not now. Everything felt so much more intimate and he felt slightly lost. It had been so long since the last time they had made love. 

She felt the way he touched her, so needy, silently asking her to get closer, so she did. Carefully, she straddled his lap which made it so much easier for her to hold him, to touch him and to kiss him. Loki’s hands never left her body as she sat on his lap. There was no rush whatsoever. They wanted to enjoy every little moment they could share. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Y/N wondered. After all, he had talked about quite heavy things. Was he in the right mindset? 

Loki almost yelled out how much he desired her, but managed to contain himself. “I need you, Y/N.” He needed to feel her, he needed to make her feel his love. He needed to be one with her. 

“Okay,” She quickly replied with a small smile. Once again, their lips met in a loving kiss. It felt wonderful. Between the kisses, she made sure to tell him sweet little nothings, “I’m here,” “I got you,” “Everything’s going to be okay.”

A/N: I hope you liked it! I originally planned on having fluffy smut in this, but it would’ve been so long. I’ll have to write sweet Loki smut separately in the future. Please leave your feedback. It always makes me so happy and it means a lot to me. Thank you!

Forever Taglist:  @iraniq  @embrycallsgirl  @blackroseyaz @badass-psycho  @r-alexandra01 @p3aches13  @your-pixels-are-showing @disasterren @iamsuperjenna  @yuna-belikova @ornella0910 @optimisticpeacecollector5 @thehumanistsdiary @your-pixels-are-showing

Loki taglist: @yuna-belikova @ornella0910 @castiels-majestic-wings @lucywrites02​

[ldyinblckmsk]

Always the extra, never the lead

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x F! Reader

Genre: Angst

Words: 1.8k

A/N: Hey, guys! I'm back hoho serving another angst (if you squint your eyes lol). I hope I broke your heart or makes you feel pain or sad coz that's what i wanna make you feel while you read my piece oftrash. This plot is plaguing mah mind. Also, the title sucks lolololol I can't think of anything argh!

Enjoy :)

It's funny how people cheer themselves up by thinking that they are the main character of their own story. You think that it's  ridiculous to give themselves a fake hope while the fact that the cycle of their story doesn't change anything. They'll never be the protagonist, no matter how hard they try to be one.

That's why you gave up, right. You settle yourself to be just a bystander, watching the main roles act their piece under the big spotlight. Watching the man you love entranced by the stare of the girl he likes. See, it's not you. Because, after all, as much as you wanted to be the Cinderella or Snow White or any other damnsel in distress, he'll never be the prince that will save you. You're just an extra.

Confess your profounding love to him? You already thought of it and considering the consequences of it, you're just a coward who didn't want to jeopardize the only relationship you had with him. You're fine with being his bestfriend. At least, you still have an excuse to be at his house until midnight just hanging out with him. You can still wear his hoodies  and imagine yourself acting like how the other girls did to their significant other.

That until she came.

He spent less time hanging out with you. He rarely even talks to you and ask if you're still breathing. As if all of a sudden, every memories you spent with him vanished like a bubble when the narrator introduced his leading lady. Of course, you were jealous, infuriating to be honest, she stole your man, the ash blond you were crushing since you laid your eyes on him. And the thing that makes you go insane is the fact that you don't have the right to be angry because he's not yours to claim.

The only thing you can do is sit there and let yourself drown in pain. Pretend that you're fine with the set-up and act normal. You didn't want to mess up the play, don't you?

Fine, my ass. You're not a masochist.

They're still not together, that means she's not his either.  They're still at the phase of knowing each other, so you still have a chance to confess. There's no way that they already fall in love with each other that fast.

Here you are in his room, laying comfortably on the silky sheets of his bed, staring at the ceiling. You just invite yourself to his house.

"Hey, dumbass! Are you even listening to me?" His voice snapped you out of trance. "I'm sorry. I got a lil dizzy for a sec. What were you saying?"

"You alright?" The hint of concern on his voice didn't go unnoticed by you and you just cherish this moment that way you always do. Your breath hitched when you felt his cold hands touch your forehead, his other hand on his comparing your temperature. The small act of friendship makes your blood rush to your cheeks.

"Geez. I'm fine, Katsu." You rolled your eyes at him, swatting his hand away. As much as you want to prolong the skinship, you didn't want to make yourself become a flustered mess. "Now, what were you saying?" You propped your head with both hands under your chin, as you roll on his bed now laying flat on your stomach.

"I said are you coming with me this Friday night. We're just going to eat." You looked at him suspiciously. For a second, your heart triumphs.

"Wow, you already want to see me again."

"Tch. Just say yes or no, idiot." You chuckled at his scowling face. "Just admit that you missed me, grumpy-chan."

"You're a pain in the ass."

And just like that, you didn't have any decent to sleep as you were so excited for Friday to roll. Whatever plan he has, you can't help but to think that it's like he's asking you to go out with him. Ignoring the second line he said, you let yourself dive in fantasy.

It's Thursday and you're still conflicted on what to wear, you asked for help of your friends. Surprisingly, they agreed to help you right away without raising their brows and questioning you about the date with the 'mystery man'. 'Cause they already know who it was, just from how eager you look.

Your love for the blond isn't news to them. Being classmates and friends for almost three years, they already knew how your mind works though they didn't really know how frenzy and complicated the wires in it. They just know the surface of it.

"How about this?" Mina showed you the haltered red dress that ends just above your knee. You decided on it right away which makes your friend shakes their head at your eagerness. After that, you're just casually having fun, giving you advices and tips on your so-called date from their experience.

You saw him leaning on his car, permanent scowl on his face while constantly checking his phone. You eyed him from your position, awe struck at the ravishing aura he oozes. The white dress shirt he's wearing highlights the muscle he workrd so hard to built. He looks so clean and sinful at the same time.

"There you are, grumpy-chan!" You walked towards him slowly, smacking his back as your usual greeting, smile plastered on your face with the hint of blush spreading on your cheeks. You watched him stunned for a while, eyes roaming to your body. "About fucking time. Let's go."

You were surprised when he opened the door for you but you just shake it off. He's gentle, seems like his careful with his actions.

He glanced at you for a moment before he went inside the car. His heart went wild when he saw you. He thought you looked prettier when you dressed up. He always saw you wearing baggy shirts that's why when you showed up with that tight dress he malfunctioned for a bit. You looked bold and sexy like a predator hunting its prey, quite opposite from the girl he's pining. He shakes the thoughts of you away as he began to drive.

Akiya is full of sunshine and rainbows. She's sweet and looks vulnerable like an antique dishware that needs to be taken care of. And he has the great urge to protect the quirkless girl. Funny, how he was so bully to Deku being quirkless and  here he was falling for one.

He was so upset to himself when he found out his stupid affection to the girl. Their constant talking amd bubbly personality made it possible to like her. But everytime he's with her, his mind straying away to your well-being. He knew that you have feelings for him but he didn't dig further because you're not vocal about it. With how much his time was spent with you, he cared deeply for you. He loves you, of course, but it isn't like kind of love you felt for him.

After sorting out those endless thoughts, still, his adoration for Akira weighs more than your friendship.

That's why he's inviting you to dinner with him.

The anxiety is bubbling up inside you. The look on his face screams that there's something going on inside his head that you're not ready to unravel. Call it instinct but something feels odd. The ambience around you doesn't suit your guts. You're beyond happy that you're having a good time with him but there's this unsettling feeling that's eating your inside.

Is this what you think it is?

He's the one who initiates the conversation first, sensing the awkwardness in your table. Feeling blue, you just answered him with nods and short words. Clenching your jaw as you forced yourself to smile naturally. It's not really that difficult for you to do it since you are good at hiding.

The dinner was served and you just sat there, eating in silence. You don't dare move your eyes from your plate. You felt him checking on you for the nth time of the night then followed by a sigh.

You fucking knew it. Your grip on the knife was tight while slicing the tender beef. You're silently praying that you'll have the control of your emotions tonight. The night is still young but the 'date' is nearing to end. 

"Y/n, just don't fucking talk and listen to me." His hand combing his spiky hair in frustration. He didn't know how to break it to you without hurting you. "What's with the serious talk, grumpy-chan? It's not like you, ya know." You laughed.

"I said I'll do the talking, idiot." You rolled your eyes at his remark."You know Akiya, right?"

"Uh, yeah, she's the girl you like, right." You said with an obvious tone in your voice, smiling, almost seemed like you're teasing him. Almost. Because the bitterness you felt left a hint on your voice.

Silence. No one dared to speak. Not because of your last statement. It seems like gods are not in the mood to heed your prayer as you desperately trying to stop the tears that you didn't know were already falling. You inhaled deeply, calming yourself down, slowly accepting your defeat.

You were the one that breaks the eerie silence. "So, you two are already together. Is that what were you going to say to me? Or is there anything el–" 

Oh.

Realization strucks your chords. How can you be so fucking simpleton? A small laugh leaves your mouth while nodding your head crazily, new batch of tears forming in your eyes. He only watched you, confused.

"Oh my god! You fucking knew it. Am I right?"

"Y/n–"

"I'm a clown. You knew I love you yet–" You laughed again. People gaze at your direction, feeling pity at your state. You are mess right now.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, I knew it. I knew your feelings but your my bestfriend for fuck's sake!" He raised his voice, bloodshot eyes lingering at your form.

As if like you flipped your switch, you looked at him with blank eyes, no emotions were found as you speak to him. "Is it entertaining? Is it funny to watch me make a fool of myself? Am I stroking your ego when I looked at you with fucking heart eyes huh, Bakugou? Tell me."

"That's why I'm fucking talking to you right now. I want you to stop it. I need you to stop loving me because I can't reciprocate it...I love Akiya."

"I know! Don't fucking rub it on my face. I know it. I already knew it! Okay? And yet here I am still fucking hoping that there's still a chance." You're desperately trying to sound fine, wishing for your voice not to crack. "I-I'm still fucking praying that I wish it's me. Why the hell it can't be me? Why, Katsuki?"

No, you're not going to break down in front of him. That will be last tears you'll shed. You shut your eyes tightly, regaining your control over your emotions. You didn't spare a glance at him, looking yourself at your mirror while retouching your make-up. You grabbed your phone, texting Mina to pick you up while you're talk to him. "Just so you know, I'm not going to cut ties with you. If that's what you're worried about. I'm still your friend, dropping the 'best'."

You looked up at him, eyes meeting his for the last time. You saw his pained expression, clenching his jaw when he looked away.  You get up, ready to leave. "Another thing, next time when you reject someone don't do it over a fancy dinner. That just gives them a false hope and that's fucking painful." You chuckled.

Bitter smile plastered on your face,  you prepare yourself for the conclusion of the story. Walking to his side, you bend to him while placing a kiss on his cheek, whispering your final dialogue as the side character.

"Goodbye, grumpy-chan."

[witched-the-watcher]

Geralt and Yennefer are living their well earned happily ever after and Jaskier is mortal. Jaskier is happy for Yen and Geralt after everything is said and done. Together with Ciri they brought peace to the land and finally made their relationship work after much hardships. It is a hard won decision, but Geralt, tired of all the fighting, decides agrees to take a break from being a witcher and just retire for a while with Yennefer by his side exploring and enjoying their new relationship.

The plan for their retirement doesn’t involve Jaskier and he doesn’t ask to accompany them. This is the ending of their story and he was never a protagonist. Side characters have no role in the happily ever after and he came to terms with a long time ago. All of them walk together side by side not quite ready yet to say their goodbyes. In his heart he knows it will be the last time they’re together like this, but he refuses to say the words out loud clinging to the hope that he will see them all again. The immortals by his side don’t notice the inner conflict, he hides with song and laughter.

First to go is Ciri, who has become like a daughter to him over the years even if the sentiment isn’t quite shared. To her, he ponders, he must be more like a fun uncle she can turn to when she needs a break from Geralt and Yen. He gladly gives her everything she needs and asks for and is so proud of the strong woman he helped raise. When she depards, eager to find her own place in the world, she leaves them alone in a clearing far enough from Kaer Morhen for Yen to use her portals.

Who would’ve thought the witch would grew on him so much over the years. A deep and chaotic friendship connects them now and knowing she finally found the love she’s been looking for all her life fills him with joy. The jealousy he used to feel towards her seems an eternity away. She deserves all the love she’s getting and gives so much back in return. Thanks to her hardly a day goes by without Geralt smiling and even with his smiles mostly directed at Ciri and Yen, Jaskier can’t find it in his heart to be discontent.

Geralt, grown so very soft compared to their beginning, initiates a hug and Jaskier allows himself to indulge in a fantasy of what could’ve been and never was. He imagines a life full of secret glances and stolen touches, whispered confessions over the campfire and a warm bed to return to. He imagines Geralt turning his embrace into a passionate kiss asking him to run away with him somewhere far away and then he lets go.

“See you around, Geralt.” He says with a smile as Yen leaves with him through a portal and he is left alone on the clearing.

Tears he held back for weeks flow freely down his cheeks now that there is no one is see and Jaskier takes his time to collect himself again before starting his journey again. It’s nearly dusk already and he should start putting it all into song. Audiences love a good happy end. 

His bones ache.

Time passes and the story of the witcher, the mage and the lioness becomes a legend, told and sung about far and wide. Jaskier has spend his last active years as a bard spinning them into an epic tale immortalising them for all generations to come. He can’t stand the thought of the world forgetting the trio and their deeds.

Yen and Geralt have all but disappeared from the face of the earth, but Ciri keeps up with him those first few year through letters and visits. She is a busy woman however and with time their contacts becomes few and far between until they cease completely around the time Jaskier decides to move to the coast to live out the last of his years.

He doesn’t blame her. She, like her parents, wasn’t made for a mortal life and why would you count the decades if you’ll live for centuries. By the time they will think of him again, he can only hope his songs will be enough for them to remember him by. 

Living by the sea is all that he thought it would be. He loves the unpredictable beauty of the ocean, the stormy winds and the salty air. The people are rough but merry and welcome the old rich professor from the big city with open arms, even though he’s grown completely useless over the years. His time as a bard is long since over and neither his hands nor his voice allow him to create the music he prides himself in anymore. All he has left are the stories of his youth, that he gladly shares with everyone in town.

One late spring day a big commotion is running through the little coastal town. A witcher has arrived and everyone is excited. They heard the heroic songs and stories about witchers and want to catch glimpse of the living legend. As the oldest in town and the only one who has any experiences with magic folk the townspeople steal him out of his cozy home and bring him out to talk and negotiate with the witcher.

He sees Geralt standing in the middle of the market square surrounded by curious and excited people of all ages, who dare not approach him just yet except for a couple of children held back by their parents. He is scowling. Of course he is scowling, Jaskier thinks as his heart begins to soar again. He tries telling himself that he is far too old for such silly romantic feelings, but he knows that him giving up on romance is just as likely as Geralt giving up on scowling.

The witcher has obviously been in a fight. His clothes are torn and there are bite and scratch marks all over his body. The people must’ve told Geralt to wait for him before talking to anyone because as he arrives inside the circle Geralt immediately faces him clearly annoyed at the whole procedure and asks

“You’re the elder here?”

Jaskier nods dumbfounded. For once in his life he does not quite know what to say as he tries to keep the tears from falling. Geralt clearly doesn’t recognize him as old and wrinkled as he is and Jaskier isn’t sure if he wants him to or not. Age has always been a bit of a sore spot considering the ageless company he liked to keep. In his youth he tried everything to look as young as possible but not even the best moisturizer in the world could help him now, he thinks slightly bitter as Geralt continues.

“Finished the job. I want my coin and place to stay for the night.”

The job? Jaskier is momentarily baffled. As far as he knows there were no monsters around except for the couple of teenage mermaid messing with the fishermen for the last couple of weeks but surely they couldn’t have banged up Geralt this badly.

“With the job you mean the mermaids?” He asks carefully trying to keep his voice steady.

“Hmm” Geralt grunts as eloquent as ever and Jaskier loses it and starts laughing. Decades later and Geralt still thinks “hmm” is a good enough answer to give. Decades later and Jaskier still understands him perfectly. He loves this beautiful idiot so much it hurts.

The way to the square and seeing Geralt again has tired Jaskier out and he needs to sit down. Thankfully someone in the crowd already brought a chair expecting him to need a rest after this encounter and guides him gently to sit down. Jaskier would’ve thanked the man if it weren’t for the fact that he’s still wheezing thinking about Geralt’s most recent heroic fight.

“You got beat up by a bunch of teenagers? How out of shape are you? You know you were just supposed to scare them a bit, right?” Jaskier manages to spit out in between his giggles.

“Now listen here, old man. You don’t-” Geralt starts through gritted teeth, unamused, only to be interrupted by Jaskier’s continuous laughter.

“Old man? Really, Geralt. We both know you’re much older than me in age and in spirit.”

Jaskier can see Geralt freeze up, confusion and dread slowly overtaking his expression but he continues talking unperturbed. Let Geralt figure it out for himself

“Seriously though you must’ve really let you go in your retirement. Yen’s magic made you lazy didn’t it? Please don’t tell me you’re hiding a potbelly unter all those armor. No, no Yen wouldn’t let you get one, I’m sure, but for you to lose your touch so completely. You must admit this is pretty hilarious.”

Tears have filled Jaskier’s eyes and he tries to wipe them away struggling to keep his laughter under control. Meanwhile, Geralt stumbles a bit, so out of place for the normally unfaced witcher. His eyes have grown wide in shock and his face pale. It’s proof enough for Jaskier that Geralt really didn’t realise how much time has passed between them and he feels lighter, relieved knowing Geralt hasn’t meant to forget about him for so many years. Who is he to judge Geralt for getting caught in the storm of love, when he’s standing here before him looking so vulnerable and scared all of a sudden. 

“J-Jaskier?” Geralt stutters in a fragile whisper and Jaskier’s heart clenches in his chest. Seeing him like this is hurting the witcher and there’s nothing he can do about except for making light of the situation and smiling through it just like in the good old days.

“Took you long enough, old friend. I was already scared you might’ve gotten forgetful in your old age.” He teases and notices the murmurs and stares of the bystanders all around them. In a dramatic motion he raises his hands and tries to shoo everyone away.

“All of you scram. Shoo! Let me catch up with Geralt in peace. Satisfy your curiosity tomorrow after the poor man had a proper bath. And you,” He faces Geralt again and waves him over. “Come here and help me up, will you. You can stay at my place for the night. Melitele knows I could use the company.”

Oh, he shouldn’t have said that, Jaskier notes grimly as Geralt winces slightly at his words. He promises to be better and make this visit count. It’s unlikely that he’ll have another chance to be with Geralt like this and tainting their last time together with thoughtless remarks and accusation just would not do. He wants his love to have some good memories when he thinks of this in the future.

Almost mechanically Geralt obeys and ,unnoticed by anyone but him, hesitates only for a second before helping him him up.

“My house is not far but this might take a while. I’m not as fast on my feet as I used to be. But then neither are you it seems.” He says with a laugh gesturing at Geralt’s torn clothes. The only retort he gets is a grumpy growl as he links his arm with the witcher’s using him as a crutch and leaning into him just a little bit more than absolutely necessary.

The people scatter around them some slightly disappointed but mostly cheerful. Jaskier knows the town will go and prepare a surprise feast for tomorrow with Geralt as the guest of honor. And Geralt will pretend to hate it as much as he will secretly enjoy all the positive attention he’ll be getting. They make their way towards his house and it’s once again up to Jaskier to fill the silence. He tells Geralt about the town and its people, acutely aware of the stares Geralt is giving him. It must be hard for the witcher to see him like this all frail and wrinkled. 

“I may not have your magical witcher senses but even I can feel your staring, Geralt. What’s the matter?” Jaskier asks knowing full well the reason behind his behaviour. 

Sometimes Geralt needs to be forced to talk or else his quiet brooding will consume him and every attempt at conversation will be for naught. To Jaskier’s surprise however one question is enough to make him talk. Looks like he’s not the only one who changed a bit over the years.

“You look old.” Geralt blurts out, making Jaskier raise an eyebrow. “Yeees, that’s because I am old. Very old in fact. Still younger than you of course, but not everyone can be an ageless immortal like you.” He responds. Geralt has to do a little better than that.

“No, I mean you look older. You never looked older before. I didn’t realise how long it’s been. I forgot…" 

Regret oozes out of Geralt’s words and he doesn’t bother hiding it. It reminds Jaskier of his apology after the mountain disaster and he’d much rather not be reminded of that chapter of his life again, so he takes pity on Geralt and continues for him.

"You forgot that I’m just mortal. That I’m ageing like a normal human. I don’t blame you, my dear. Back then I was obsessed with looking young and terrified of growing older. Thought you wouldn’t want me around if I wasn’t uh pretty enough anymore." 

Geralt tries to interrupt him, likely for things he already knows or god forbid to apologize again for the mountain incident but Jaskier simply shushes him and keeps going.

"That was a load of horse dung of course. You should’ve seen me in my sixties, Geralt. I was the most sought after professor in Oxenfurt history. I broke so many hearts in those days.”

He sighs dramatically. “I gave the distinguished gentleman look a whole new meaning. Turns out graying hair and a couple of wrinkles just made me look more dashing. Even you wouldn’t have been able to resist my charms.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Geralt answers sounding amused and the thought of Geralt visiting him back in Oxenfurt makes him stumble. 

It had been a foolish fantasy of his. He used to imagine Geralt finding him in Oxenfurt during a lecture and suddenly becoming captivated by his new more mature side. After the lecture Geralt would be overcome with passion and drag him into a side corner, kiss him and apologize for how long it took to seek him out again. It would’ve been worth the wait.

Geralt holds him steady and helps him catch his footing. He is pretty winded after their short walk and needs a moment to catch his breath.

“You don’t have to take my word for it. There’s a painting of me in Oxenfurt somewhere on the campus. You should check it out next time you’re there.”

“I will. I promise.” Geralt says looking at Jaskier with an honest expression.

He feels heat rising in his cheeks and splutters. “Eh, um right well. Ah, here we are. My house. It’s not much but enough for an old man like me. Let’s go in.”

A bath was already waiting for them when they arrived. Marie, his housekeeper, had rushed home as soon as she heard Geralt would be staying with him and made the necessary preparation. He hired her some years back to help him around the house after he broke his leg in a stubborn attempt to do everything himself despite his age. His leg healed but Marie stayed. At least twice a day she comes around to cook him food, take care of the chores and keep him company for a bit. 

After Jaskier introduces her to Geralt and thanks her for her efforts she excuses herself to cook dinner leaving both men alone once again only a bath between them. He carefully sits down on the stool next to the bathtub and makes a silent note to give Marie a raise as Geralt undresses and gets in. Sexual pleasure might be beyond him now but her can still appreciate the form and Geralt even after decades of retirement is a sight to behold. He wonders briefly, while admiring the muscles before him, if witchers were even capable of losing their well toned bodies. Imagining Geralt skinny with no muscles or as big and soft man however does nothing to make him look any less appealing in Jaskier’s mind and he absentmindedly pours some of Geralt’s favourite bath oils into the water. 

An old routine is overtaking them and for a moment Jaskier forgets about his aching bones and brittle body. Feeling young again he prepares to help Geralt wash and hums a little melody. 

A silly little song he once came up with a couple of years into their friendship. Just the two of them under the night sky, a warm fire illuminating their camp as they had one too many drinks. He was teasing Geralt about something insignificant and Geralt retorted by singing a couple of lines back to him. The alcohol relaxing him enough to smile at Jaskier and with a sudden clarity the bard realised that he wasn’t feeling the simple fleeting infatuation he was used to, but something different entirely. Something true and lasting and all consuming. This was the love he sang about in his songs and had yet to fully grasp. This was the kind of love that could push him up to the greatest heights or leave him wanting forevermore. He listened to more of Geralt’s tone deaf singing and let himself fall, damn the consequences.

“I missed this” Geralt says relaxing into the bathtub.

You couldn’t have missed it that much or you would’ve come to see me sooner, Jaskier doesn’t say, instead he replies with a simple “Me too” and gently pushes Geralt’s head into the water.

“It’s a shame you cut your hair though.” He continues running his hands through the white hair. “Washing it was always my favourite part.”

“I forgot to take care of it and after a while it got all tangled up. Had to cut it in the end.” Geralt explains and Jaskier rolls his eyes exasperated.

“I spend so much time and money caring for your luscious white locks and you just forgot. I can’t believe it. My poor beautiful white hair. Where was Yen in all of this? I know she knows how to take care of long hair. How could she let this happen?”

Geralt lets out a chuckle that leaves him breathless as he glances at him with an oh so fond smile on his stupidly handsome face.

“She’s fine with me as long as I don’t smell too badly. You’re the only person invested enough in my personal hygiene to help me bathe.”

Jaskier, embarrassed, slaps a bunch of soap on Geralt’s head as a response and starts massaging it in. Geralt however moves away from his touch and takes Jaskier’s hands in his examining them carefully.

“You don’t have to do this.” Geralt frowns, worry in his eyes. “They must hurt.”

“They don’t. They’re just a bit stiff and hard to move. You won’t hear me play the lute anytime soon but this I can still do.” He reassures him. Today is one of the good days and meeting Geralt made him feel much more energized than usual. He can barely feel his aching joints and the moment.

“Now turn around like a good boy and let me have my fun.” He orders and Geralt obeys with a hmm.

After the the bath they treat the worst of Geralt’s few remaining wounds and make their way to the kitchen. Marie left their dinner neatly on the table before leaving for the day most likely to help the others out with the preparations for tomorrow.

They eat in comfortable as sun sets through the window illuminating the small room in orange hues. Jaskier doesn’t have much of an appetite and leaves his food for later in favour of watching Geralt eat. Neither him nor Yen knew how to cook anything more complicated than plain vegetable soup and from the way Geralt is devouring Marie’s cooking they haven’t bothered to learn it in his absence either. Idiots,the both of them.

“What are you smiling at?” Geralt asks him noticing him staring.

Jaskier ignores the question and proposes to go outside and watch the sunset instead. A couple of minutes later Geralt finishes eating and helps him around the house to the backyard and onto the bench facing the ocean. He had to be carried for most of the way there, his legs giving out under him at last. It’s been a long and he’s exhausted, only the thought of Geralt finally being at his side again keeping him awake.

Jaskier leans against the other man resting his head on his shoulder and watches the ocean waves move back and forth glistering under setting sun.

This is it, he thinks, this is what pleases me. He had been right all those years ago on the mountain when opened his heart to Geralt and asked him give him a chance to prove himself. A quiet life like this, just the two of them and the sea, would’ve been enough to calm his yearning heart.

“You’re quiet.” Geralt remarks, breaking the serene silence.

“Hmm.” He teases but Geralt’s mind is somewhere else. He seems uneasy, concerned.

“Have you ever been married? Are there any children?” The witcher blurts out blunt as ever-

The questions make him chuckle. “Of course not.”

“Why not?” Geralt pushes. “You said you had a lot of admirers back in Oxenfurt. There must’ve been opportunities.”

“Certainly.” He agrees lightheartedly and pats Geralt’s arm. “But how could I marry someone else when my heart already belonged to you. That wouldn’t have been fair.”

Geralt’s face crumbles. “Jaskier, I-”

“Oh don’t give me that look, Geralt.” He interrupts him. “We both know you’re much more observant than people give you credit for and I’ve never made loving you a secret.”

Jaskier takes Geralt’s hand in his and places a kiss on his knuckles.

“I never once regretted it. Any of it. So please no more apologies, my love.”

“Okay.” Geralt whispers and squeezes his hand tightly in response letting silence fall between them once again.

Okay, Jaskier repeats in his mind as he closes his eyes for the last time to the sound of the waves and the wind and Geralt’s slow and steady heartbeat. He is happy like this. It’s good enough.

[albatris]

Wait that sounds cool tell me more about Bright and Burning Things? (If you want to ofc you definitely don't have to)

:D!!! of course, I can tell you some stuff!!! thank you for the question, I'm happy you think it sounds cool!!

this is not really a super sensical explanation, this is some rambles, as usual

so, this is a short standalone project of mine, it's uhhhh........ hm. something something fantasy comedy something. it's meant to be a bit of a light-hearted adventure, but as it is with most of my more silly stories, it takes a sharp detour into some "oof" territory c':

bits of the premise sound kind of Heavy but silliness and heaviness go hand-in-hand quite nicely I think

the central character is a ghost kid! this kid’s name is Max! the story kicks off right after they die and they’re being ushered onto the bus that will take them to the afterlife. as they are being ushered onto said bus, they’re like “holy fuck wait no” because they have unfinished business in the living world. they got straight-up murdered!  their life got cut short! they don’t have any closure! they don’t even know who killed them!! so they make a run for it and go ghost

and like, oh, this happens sometimes. the dead are sometimes quite affronted by the fact that they’re dead and kick up a bit of a fuss when it comes to Moving On. the thing is, souls aren’t really built for Being Ghosts and can’t really survive long out in the living world, so there’s a bit of a time limit on Max’s quest to figure out who killed them and solve the mystery of their own death, since if they stay too long in the living world as a disembodied soul they’ll start to unravel

related, and perhaps more pressingly, is that there’s various agents of the afterlife who are attempting to find them and bring them back and Make Them Move On. these forces take on a bit of an antagonistic role in the story, but they’re not really any malevolent force that wants to hurt Max, they’re just the folks who go after stray and panicked souls and try to bring them to the afterlife before they fade away and disappear completely

Max’s got shit to do, though, like I said

so the story follows Max over the course of one night as they piece together the story of their death and fill in the gaps in their memory, while also attempting to stave off their unravelling for as long as they can

Max becomes acquainted with various other supernatural beings who are on their own time-sensitive quests on the same night, n they form some sort of kinship over this fact and band together to help each other out on their missions

firstly there’s Daisy, stir-crazy thousand-year-old heir to the vampire throne, due to be crowned the next day, who suddenly had an existential crisis and was like “actually vampire society is dull as hell I wanna LIVE”

so she goes out into the human world and robs a pizza store and starts several fights and is like “hell YEAH this slaps” and basically decides she’s just gonna kick up some real chaos since this is her last night of freedom, basically, n she��s gotta make it count

she’s very smart! she knows next to nothing about human society and how to be a normal person though, and if you leave her unsupervised she will attempt to eat marbles

also the structure of vampire society is very convoluted and confusing and full of complete nonsense. it makes no sense to anyone but the vampires themselves, and even then the rest of the supernatural world is half convinced the vamps are just playing the long game with an extremely elaborate prank. their royalty live in an abandoned petrol station? they wear those little paper crowns from hungry jacks/burger king. they take themselves very seriously

also this is the story in which I was really drunk when I was planning it n just slammed some vodka and was like “VAMPIRES COME FROM SPACE NOW” and then sober logan just had to deal with that

ANYWAY

next there’s Hope and Deckchairs, a socially anxious uni student and a socially anxious demon respectively, and the deal with these two is uhhhhh

well, Hope was trying to be a Cool Kid and tagged along with some Cool Kids who wanted to do a demonic summoning ‘cause Hell Yeah That’s Edgy And Cool

and Deckchairs (not named Deckchairs at the time, this is a name that’s adopted during the story) was doing their very overdue demon taxes and stressing over demon finances, n then got yoinked out of the underworld because of the aforementioned summoning

(I think this is generally viewed among demons as a mild inconvenience, sometimes you get Yoinked when you’re right in the middle of something and you just have to be like “ugh fine I’ll just kick up a bit of a ruckus then come back”)

however, when the summoning actually works, the Cool Kids freak out and scatter and in the chaos Hope gets her head bonked on the side of a dresser and fuckin starts bleeding out, and Deckchairs is like “oh fuck I did not sign on for this” ‘cause they’re........ yeah, look, they’re gentle and anxious and not a very good demon, maybe. n so Deckchairs possesses the body of Hope to keep her alive

so now these two are co-piloting a body, and have to figure out a way they can split and return to their lives without Hope dying. however, they’re also being hunted down by

the Cool Kids, who are now all keyed up and paranoid and convinced they’re the heroes of a horror movie n they have to kill the demonic entity they brought into the world

the underworld, who.......... now, I haven’t figured out whether they’re pissed ‘cause they think Deckchairs is committing tax evasion by body-hopping into the human world, or they’re pissed just ‘cause Deckchairs has work to do and they don’t consider one human life to be worth all the hold up

so that’s not great for either of them, but like, yeah, if they can figure out a way to split and be done with it, it’s problem solved for both of them. yeehaw. too bad they’re both nearly too anxious to speak to each other

and that’s................................. all that

facts?

there’s a plot twist at the end that I am SUPER psyched about! and it has taken literally all of my willpower not to spoil it completely

I feel like it’s an easy one to guess, but it’s perfect for the story and the themes and it’s one I’m hella excited about

and this is..................... this is I think the only story of mine where I would say it doesn’t necessarily have a happy ending? like. it certainly doesn’t end in TRAGEDY, but this is definitely a bittersweet ending, it’s got some real sad undertones

it’s the best possible ending for the characters, but like, hey, my protagonist is already dead, y’know?

anyway if you read this far I hope some of this was fun for you :’))

thanks for coming to my ted talk I hope you have a nice day :D

[fedonciadale]

I usually have quite a good gut instinct on what ship becomes canon (regardless of whether I ship it). I never shipped Romione, but I knew they were endgame. I knew that my canon-bent Dramione fantasies were just that: Nice headcanons with no basis in canon. I knew Katniss would choose peace-loving Peeta and I loved it, when it happened, because it was realistic and perfect. I shipped Faramir and Eowyn the moment Faramir appeared first in the books and screamed in delight when they kissed on the walls of Minas Tirith. I don’t have to be invested into a ship to know that they will be a thing. I usually just know. Just yesterday I saw a movie with my family and the very first time we delved into the protagonists childhood memories I pointed at her cousin and said: She is in love with the other girl, and there is going to be trouble about that.

My hunches were only ever wrong with Zutara and Jonsa. And still Jonsa has left me more hollow than any other ship yet, and I think I finally worked out why.

There was real evidence for Zutara in ATLA and of course I was disappointed that they didn’t become a thing, but there was still nice content, there is still the possibility that they might get together in a slightly canon-bent world. They still fit. And it is not as if Kataang is a bad ship. The ending was not as I wanted it, but it still made sense. It was a satisfying ending despite the fact that it was not entirely the ending I wanted.

Now, with GoT and probably with ASOIAF as well, the story did go where I expected it to go, even with Jon dumbed down most of the season, just up to the season finale. We got DarkDany, and even Political Jon. It was just, that the finale screwed everything up and that is what bugs me most. It just made no sense. No one’s arc but Dany’s (and you could argue that DarkDany could have been done much better) made any sense. It is not just that Jonsa did not happen and all the clues are unresolved, it is that none of the stories of the people who survive make any sense, not in the way they were depicted. So it is not just that my hunches were wrong, but that the ending does not deliver a satisfying alternative. It is not like with ATLA where I could relax and say: Well, I still think Zutara would have been better, but this ending also makes sense. It is not as if everybody will be unhappy for the rest of their lives.

But with GoT I wonder: What even was this story about? That all is futile and we end where we there? That any government is corrupt now matter how it comes to be? This was all about an abusive relationship between a powerhungry tyrant and a decent fellow who then mourns for the rest of his life, because he killed her not to prevent her from killing any more civilians but to save his family? What even is this story about? Honestly? Is it just about the downfall of Dany and the Targaryens? Then why would GRRM say, that you miss 90% of the story if you focus on Jon and Dany? And if it is just about a lesson how a tyrant is created why did they fail to deliver even on that? Why are there still people defending Dany? I do think it means that D&D failed in every aspect.

No matter how much I think about it and how much I try to dissect themes and possible messages. It just makes no fucking sense.

I won’t ever stop shipping Jonsa, but I think I will have to ignore season 7 and 8, or at the very least the finale of season 8.

This is what I hate about the writing of season 7 and 8. Sense meant nothing, consistency meant nothing, it was just plot twists and surprises (which mostly were no surprises at all). This is as far from a satisfying ending as you can get. Bittersweet? Hah!

[tolkien-in-beleriand]

so a number of people is curious about PhD here in Brazil and as I have nothing else I want to do right now let me tell you about it

I’ll talk about the two processes I went through for my PhD (masters is kinda the same but a bit simpler)

as I already told you here in Brazil the best universities are free, it’s kinda hard to get in but if you do you have the best education available in the country and chances are you will get some kind of scholarship. in my case as I am poor as hell I had a scholarship since first year of grad school and also a place to live. yes, I was paid to live in a nice city away from my abusive family and to study in the best program of my field in Brazil

then came the masters in which I also had a scholarship

and then the nightmare begins

see as part of my scholarship I had to finish my masters in two years. what does it mean? it means that in my second year I was writing my masters dissertation, finishing papers, preparing for qualification, then argumentation, writing my PhD project and preparing for the PhD tests

and of course as you probably know by now I love complicating things so I applied for two PhDs programs. why? only God knows, but I did. now each university has its own way to deal with PhDs applications so I’ll tell you about the two kinds of tests I had to go through

first my home university:

first you write a project. 20 pages. must have: abstract, key words, title, introduction, methodology, cronogram of activities, bibliographic references. it must present a certain novelty in the idea, they want something new, a thesis (that I will later prove right or wrong in 200 to 300 pages). my thesis was basically “Fantasy is a literature genre and it IS NOT the same as fantastic literature (don’t get me started - I wrote a PhD thesis about it but I’m still bitter)”

you need to hand this project in September. then in October is the written test. in our field the written test (in this particular university, as I said it varies) is: they pick a literary topic, that is a surprise only reveled to us mortals the day and hour of the test, and we have four hours to write an essay about it, in a room like an exam, no researches allowed. the topic in my year was History and Literature. then they grade the essay 0-10 and you need at least a 7 to go to next phase.

fine, now the few people who got the 7 go to phase “analyzing the project”. you get a grade on that too. and you need a 7 to pass as well.

then if you are lucky enough to have your project accepted you go to phase “interview” when a board will make all kinds of questions about your study, project, plans, you know... to make sure you were the one who wrote the thing and know what you’re talking about (I just need to mention here that at my interview they said my project was perfect and made 0 questions because, and I quote, “we know your trajetory and we know what you are capable of and no one else studies Fantasy Literature here”)

then they grade the interview. if you didn’t get at least a 7 bye bye bird, it doesn’t matter if your project was perfect and you aced the written test, it’s goodbye

after this they add all the scores and divide by something and if your final score is below 7, that’s goodbye too.

then you need to do the language test because oh yes YOU DO NEED TO KNOW TWO FOREIGN LANGUAGES to be accepted in any PhD program here.

and that’s it for my first application. I passed first place. usually the good programs gets scholarships and our program was very good so we had like six scholarships every year for sure and then maybe more. they give the scholarships according to the final score so yep I got it

but... when I traveled for my second PhD application I still didn’t have any of my scores, I didn’t even know if I had passed the written test and let me tell you I was desperate and honest to God terrified I wouldn’t pass

anyway, now process number two:

they make things quite different there and they are way more demanding so I was just really terrifie that I would end the year with a crappy masters and no PhD perspective.

first test they do is the language one, a translation and ooooh boi do I hate translating stuff. but it was okay, I wasn’t worried about that part. the system there was very different. while at my home university the process was spread through months, here you had three days of tests and if you failed the first day you are not even invited for the next day. again, you need 7 to pass.

so first day: language test, 52 people applying. 20 passed for day two, me included.

second day, written test. I knew they had a different style from my home university but I was not prepared for that. they gave you 10 questions, all about literature. you had to pick five and answer. so you kinda had to write 5 mini essays on 5 different topics and the questions were like “in the page 25 of the essay Memory in Baudelaire by Walter Benjamin the author express a view on how experience play a central part in the story of the narrative genre. comment on that.”

one of them was to “comment on” the trajetory of the novel as a genre. I read the 10 questions then I started laughing. then I noticed the Professor in the class was the one I wanted as my supervisor there (she is like a big deal in Fantasy studies), the one who, in two months, would be in the board of my masters argumentation. I started crying. so much. I had to be escorted to the bathroom to “calm down”. well, I thought, it’s over, I better not even come back to the exam room and save me the embarrassment of looking the Professor in the eyes. but I couldn’t do that. I had to at least convince myself that I did everything I could. so I went back and started answering the ones I thought I had a shot at. we had four hours too and after doing my darnest to answer 4 questions I wanted to die before having to answer one more. so I chose the novel one because, you know it’s not that hard to trace a genealogy of the novel as a genre. but I was so tired. so incrediby tired and I thought I won’t pass anyway so I might as well have some fun. and friends, what did I do? I wrote a mini novel where my protagonist was the novel “living” through all its phases. I can’t remember a word of that but I did it.

when I was back to the hotel I started crying so much and felt so guilty, I was sure I would fail both programs. next morning the result would be on campus and honestly I only went there because I had spent too much money to just ignore the result, I would never have peace if I didn’t check. but I was really really sure I didn’t pass so I checked out the hotel, got into a taxi, asked him to take me to campus for two minutes, so I could check a thing, and then he could take me to the station

ooooh I have no words to describe my happiness when I looked to a list of FIVE names who had got through to the next phase and my name was there.

I still can’t believe it and until this day I wonder what kind of crap did people write because they considered my “novel is a protagonist of a novel” answer over other 15????

anyway so I was happy but fucked because I had checked out the hotel so I had no place to go and the interview would be only at 5pm so there I was full of bags wandering around the campus waiting for my interview.

interview time: board with two fucking specialists in the Fantasy field and an ass who thinks she is above this. I was very nervous, they asked a bunch of questions about my project (oh yeah I forgot to say you had to hand a project like in the other uni and it is considered part of your application as well) and then... last question... from the ass “why do you consider fantasy as literature” I froze, the other two smiled (they knew my reputation). I want to murder that woman. why do I consider fantasy as literature? WHY?? son of a motherfucking bitch. so I smile*** and ask “what do you study?” she answers “Goethe” with an air of superiority. I say “oh I love Goethe, he is magnificent and the way he.... bla bla bla” I was just showing off. then I say “now think about why you consider Goethe literature. that’s your answer.” I want to say that if I had a mic I would drop it but nah... if I had a mic I would probably make that bitch eat it.

they didn’t have score there, you only passed or failed. I passed. one of five. from 52. I got a scholarship there too, but I decided to stay home. my supervisor at my uni was amazing and a wonderful person and so so smart and funny and he is in a band and is super cool and nerdy, also one of my best friends and one of the most successful translators in Brazil

so yes. this is two of the possibles processes you can go through to get in a top PhD program. and that friends is the easy part. seriously, masters and doctorates are exhausting and it breaks you. neurotypicals get mental illnesses because of it and honest to God I don’t know how I managed it. neither does my doctors. no, actually I know. it was spite.

*** funny story: because of an incident in my masters interview, before my PhDs interviews my supervisor called me to “teach me how to interact with stupid people”. he basically told me I was not supposed to laugh at a stupid question, I was not supposed to death stare the board after a stupid question and, of course, I was not allowed to get up and leave. because I did all that in my masters interview and almost didn’t get into the program. then he made me pretend he was the board talking shit and I had to smile and take notes. his words “it doesn’t matter if you are writing a curse and planning that person’s murder, smile and take notes.”

in my defence I did all that because in my masters interview a Professor asked me if I knew that Tolkien was an author who died in the 70s and that The Lord of the Rings wasn’t just a movie. after I laughed and asked if she was joking she got mad and then I tried to explain that yes, I did in fact know that John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, born in January 3rd, 1892 and dead in September, 2nd, 1973, was an author and wrote the book called The Lord of the Rings who inspired Peter Jackson’s trilogy. then I pointed out that my study had nothing to do with The Lord of the Rings, book or movie. I was in fact studying Tolkien’s essay “On Fairy Stories” and how critics point out The Lord of the Rings as the base of moderny fantasy without noting that Tolkien himself wrote the theory I consider the foundation of fantasy as a genre. then she said “that was done before” and I said “no it wasn’t, surprisingly enough people never came to this conclusion until now” and she looked me in the eyes and asked “are you sure? did you do a deep and careful research on the matter?” and I said “yes I did” and I swear to God she asked “did you try google it?”

yep I just got up and left. did I try google??? are you fucking serious? yes I did, when I wasn’t even at the uni yet you moron. google. can you believe it? I was reading papers from Oxford and Cambridge and this ass ask me if I used google.

I had a very bad score at my masters interview but my supervisor loved it anyway.

so that’s it. I hope it helps to have an idea how things work around here.

[sieben9]

“beauty” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I’m watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I’d be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

Well… That sure happened

Now that I am nothing more than the hollowed-out, broken shell of a person, let me share my feelings with you! But under the cut. (Fair warning: there is a lot of sadness in here. Proceed with caution and maybe a mug of hot chocolate. Also, don’t open this on mobile. I went a bit screencap-happy.)

I loved this episode? So much? I know, I was really subtle about it, and it’s possible to miss amidst all the crying but hoooly crap, this is easily among my Top 3, I think.

Alright, quick rundown of the “side plots”, because while That Thing™ is definitely at the forefront of my mind after watching, the other stuff going on was actually pretty good and important plot developments. Which, really is another point in the episode’s favour. Yes, the Halloween-plot worked well to space out the other stuff, and it provided some much-needed relief of tension, but it was clearly important in its own right, so…

Guh. Henry. You know I love you, but I will also find a way to smack you in the head with a rolled-up newspaper, because you are an idiot. …yes, I get that he feels like he just lost his family all over again, and that’s not something that inclines people to adventurous behaviour, but still. You were so close!

Instead, we get this:

Which, uh… I’m not saying Ivy shouldn’t have good things in life, because lord knows, that was a sad, sad story right there, but this also did not sound like you two will be good for each other. Neither of you really want a safe, “uncomplicated” romantic relationship, you want a family. Ivy, specifically, needs someone to who doesn’t just love her conditionally, and Henry… well, Henry mostly just needs to wake up from the curse, because what he wants will be all over the place until he does.

Still, Ivy’s moment of bravery when saying that she’ll deal with Belfrey and the others should enjoy their Halloween was pretty heart-warming. Did I mention that this lady worries me? I’m worried for her, and I am still worried about her.

In other news: I’m pretty sure I know where Hook’s daughter is, now.

the rook is a metaphor

I mean, I could still be wrong, but that seems like one hell of a red herring to put out. And it opens up so many questions! Did they meet again before the curse, or is this a horrible game of emotional keepaway? Does Rumple know who these two are to each other? What, exactly, is his relationship with Tilly/Alice? I mean, he was so ready to fight Tremaine over her, before and after he woke up, and he went into 107% Concerned Dad Mode when he thought she was hurting, so he clearly feels very protective of her, but when did that happen? How did that happen? Is she actually this “guardian” or is that Henry? Or is this just one big prophecy-screw, after all? Seriously, you’d think after that first disastrous experience, Rumple would have learned to never trust a prophecy. Ever. Why am I the only one here who remembers that??

Ahem. Anyways. Lots of potential there. I can’t wait to see how that one unfolds.

Other highlights included Weaver butting heads with Belfrey. It was glorious. I almost wish Rumple had woken up just a little bit later, because watching these two go up against each other was a pure delight.

Also, this:

presented without comment

…look, I’m only human.

I was also deeply amused by the conversation between Weaver and Rogers. Okay, maybe “amused” isn’t quite the word, because it’s clear that Roger’s cold case is how the curse incorporated his search for his daughter into his memories, so it could keep torturing him with the loss. Which, you know, doesn’t really qualify as amusing. But Weaver is the walking, talking personification of that meme “’I don’t care,’ I say, caringly, as I care way too much.”

Yes, it is immediately obvious that you do not care about anyone. At all. Not even a little.

pictured: a lying liar who lies

Really, the relationship between Weaver and Tilly might just have made it on the top of my list for this season, on the strength of this episode alone. The way this kind of terrible person cared so deeply for young woman, showed concern for her well-being, and directly jeopardised his own advantage and safety to help her just pushed aaaall of my buttons.

And Tilly’s mounting desperation to remind Weaver of who he really is, before she loses herself again was heart-breaking to watch. She knew she wasn’t getting out of this with her mind in once piece, but right until the end she didn’t stop fighting to help her friend.

…look, “help” looks different for different people, alright?

And with that…

Thanks, show! It’s not like I really needed my heart in the first place. Fantastic light, though.

So, I pretty much knew what was coming (in general terms at least), because… well, I had some warning and it didn’t take that much guessing in the first place. And I saw the “how” the moment that montage started because I, too, have seen Up.

I still cried like a hungry baby. My cat was very concerned.

please. your face. I cannot deal with this.

This was such a well-told story. They really gave it their all to show that yes, these two were happy, at the end. The montage, for one, which even for people who haven’t seen Up works as a good visual shorthand. The nostalgic clutter in the house. The fact that these two dorks still dance around the house when they feel like it. All the little gestures between them—the fond looks, the little tuck of a blanket, Rumple matching Belle’s steps perfectly as they walk out into the garden. I just… they were so happy together.

And I’m glad they told the story like this. Nothing bad happened to Belle. Her life wasn’t some inspiring tragedy or anything like that. She spent her life with her True Love. She raised her son and saw him grow up well. She got to fulfil her dream of travelling the world, and did so together with the people she loved most. And she died after a long and happy life, not in some grand, dramatic fashion, but simply because that is what mortals do. We die.

hi, is anyone else absolutely convinced that he carved that with his own two hands rather than use magic? because I am and I want to share my feelings! there’s quite a lot of them…

And just… you know, when that conversation with Gideon happens, and Rumple says ruefully that time might have stood still for this realm, but it didn’t for Belle… you just know he forgot about it. They were together, and they were happy, and he was so determined to spend the rest of his life with her that he didn’t realise what was happening right until she fell off that ladder. It’s clear they’d never talked about him using his magic to rejuvenate her before—that was the first time the topic ever came up, I think. And the last, of course.

(By the way, there’s totally a conversation about fridging to be had here, but I’d prefer that to be another post. I’m really deep in my feelings right now and I’d rather leave putting on the analytical hat for later in the day.)

Obviously, that entire death scene fucked me up. His face. Her face. The way they told each other their own story like it was a fairy tale (because it was!) Rumple’s half-sobbing “I am afraid”, because he sees the rest of his life without Belle looming before him and he doesn’t know how to do it. He never planned to, in the first place. And then she was gone, and he was crying, and I was crying, and the camera cut away, and you could still hear him sobbing in the background god why...

yes, I will be interspersing this with pictures of my OTP being happy and in love, why do you ask?

And while I’m a bit sad that I’ll never find out what Weaver really wanted, this very clearly sets the stage for Rumple’s motivations and goals this season. Because this episode, beautiful as it was (no pun intended), can’t be the last entry of the Rumbelle story. This was the end of act 2, and I insist on a third act. The stage is all set: Rumple needs to get rid of the dagger so he can be reunited with Belle, which, granted, a bit dark. Considering it means he’s going to die (and won’t that be a fun day…) At the same time… he said it himself: he’s seen the generations pass by and he doesn’t even want to be immortal anymore. He was planning to spend the rest of his life with Belle. Just because he wasn’t physically able to doesn’t invalidate the decision he made. He’ll just have to get there the long way around.

And can I just mention how damn impressed with Rumple’s character development I was? He threw away the dagger! Not in a moment of “do or die” crisis, not as part of an “either, or” ultimatum, no, he was just… done with all that. He didn’t want the Dark One anymore, and nobody had to push him into that realisation. So much for “my power means more to me than you”, huh, past!Rumple? (Also, is it just me or did it feel a little like he waited for Belle to be roughly his physical age to do that? Because it did to me, and I have a lot of emotions about that.)

though I might giggle for a while about how Belle went grey the way an Urban Fantasy protagonist would

Other highlights included, but are not limited to:

The neverending stream of loving looks, from soft fondness to full-on bedroom eyes...

Local Dork Caught Staring Lovingly At His Wife

Also, is there a version of that first scene where Gideon doesn’t show up? Asking for a friend.

The Skin Deep parallels!

did I open up Skin Deep to get that first screencap? of course I did.

Just… guh, my heart! And the poor cup got shattered.

Again.

Everything about that last confrontation between Alice (because at that point she could barely remember ever being Tilly) and Weaver messed me up, by the way. Her mounting desperation, because she didn’t have much time left. His frantic pleading, first because he was worried she’d hurt herself and then that she’d do something she wouldn’t be able to come back from.

And, of course, that last scene between Rumple (welcome back, buddy!) and Tremaine. I’d almost feel sorry for the woman, because she probably wasn’t counting on this happening. Though I would disagree with Rumple’s “there’s nothing you can do to hurt me”--you, my friend, just lied your ass off to help Tilly get out of trouble for shooting you. After waking up. Clearly there’s some people you still care about, and I can’t wait to see how that plays out, honestly.

And there’s so much more. I could just post stills of the entire montage here, really, because it was wonderful and I loved it, even as it cracked open my ribcage and held my still-beating heart up to my eyes so I could see the life go out of it.

…ahem. All right. Deep breath.

Like I said at the top, this episode actually had some important developments that seem like they will be catalysts to kicking the plot into gear. …and as soon as my emotional batteries have recharged, I’m sure I will be very excited about that. In the meantime… please send fluff?

Oh, on that note: I want to thank everyone who tagged me in stuff. You are amazing, and I am incredibly grateful! It’ll take a while to go through it all, but I do look at all the little @s in my notifications, and they fill me with joy. (In other news: prepare for some dashboard spam over the next... ::checks drafts:: three months or so.)

[arkus-rhapsode]

I was wondering if you were planning on doing EZ reviews. I personally think if you get past the Erza clone and the similarities in looks with some characters that the story is very well and actually has a better plot than FT did.

So I’m going to give my surface level response on this and I will be fair on my stance like I usually try to. In the most general term, I don’t really review a series I don’t care about. If you notice I haven’t done a review of Black Clover in a while, its mainly cause this current arc is something I don’t really care about and it would feel like a drain on both me and my audience to here that each week. I’m sure my audience and EZ fans probably don’t wanna hear me belly ache about the series week to week.

This series really does show me that its made for people who like Hiro Mashima’s work. And if you do, more power to you, but your probably not going to enjoy my usually dissecting review style.

So right here I’m going to give my thoughts on the series to this point, and I wanna start positively. I do agree that the plot to Eden’s Zero is much better structured than FT’s once you get past the Elsie stuff. The four star shine robots plot to get to Mother actually seems like a good plotting out of how to take this story. It really reminds me of finding the four rave’s.

I also think I’ve mentioned this back in my former reviews, but the setting to is also interesting too, and forces world building. Though, I’d like them to experience the world rather than Witch just read of a synopsis of the world. Yeah having an internet in the world does kinda kill the sense of adventure.

And I will also say that I’m happy that most the cast has motivation unlike most of FT.

And with that we lead into my problems with the  story. First as I mentioned, the the plot does have better structure once you get past the Elsie stuff, the problem is that before that the pacing and plot seems really really slow, very confused, and then introduces such a high concept like time being eaten and going to other worlds in the past. While I do appreciate Hiro trying for a slower pace in the beginning, he’s doesn’t use it interestingly. He could take this time to explain the government or how these cosmos work? Is there king of space? Could the cosmos be cut up like the blues in One Piece? Or how about my biggest question, WHAT THE FUCK IS ETHER GEAR?! No we need more time travel and friendship!

Then there’s the first arc with this whole sister stuff. I will give credit that Rogue Out as villains aren’t too bad. Jin is obviously the best because he might heel turn, the sumo looking guy isn’t overtly evil, which was nice, and I could kinda get into Sister’s whole thing of just doing what she is paid to do as a motivation. But all villains except them are the usual Hiro Mashima bland weirdos with no characterization.

This Illega guy, I was expecting maybe a twist with him and why he has a collection of girls was maybe something subversive. Maybe he is trying to bring back tourism to his planet and by kidnapping B-cubers he was going to make them make the planet more entertaining, I mean Rebecca had a whole chapter praising them as coming up with fun things to do. Maybe he has a child who has an ether gear that made them look human and left him after the planet got closed off saying they’ll become a B-cuber, so he’s kid napping B-cubers to see if that one is her and that stuff that makes them stone should make his child reveal her true form.

No, he’s just a creep who likes turning women into furniture. Because… And that guy Wise’s intro arc who is just a common thug with his leg fetish brothers.

So I can’t call that story well done. If it takes till the Elsie arc to actually get to the plot actually moving forward and that this current arc is this bland and boring arc with everything being in the morally black, its not interesting.

How about the characters? Well, Shiki I’ll at least be fair, is actually gotten better than Natsu mainly cause he’s trying to be proactive. I’ll even give his gravity power at least seems to have more creativity than the generic fire dragon magic. But he’s such a confused and bland character. I mentioned this in my review chapter 1, Shiki’s strongest aspect is his social awkwardness and how that related to being raised around machines in a fantasy park. But he wants Shiki to be like your usual big damn hero whenever the time comes for him to look cool.

I recently watched an interesting piece on how My Hero’s Deku and Black Clover’s Asta represented two different types of shounen protagonists and ways to take a story. With Deku being a representation of the protagonist who needs to grow physically and emotionally into the pillar of his world that can inspire and fufil his dream, while Asta already is the pillar of his world who already can inspire and needs to earn recognition. Both of these types of protagonist are fine, but Shiki is trying to be both of them and it results in none of them. He seemingly needs to grow into a person who can actually get a ton of friends, but he also is apparently the kid who will rock the universe. It just results in a confused character, why does he act like such an idiot when he’s completely competent in action scenes?

And what makes him endearing? Say robots have a heart? Dude all the robots in this series have shown the ability to make expression and have emotion. We saw an android walk the street in chapter 2! Why do machines act like Shiki just told them the word of god after he says they have a heart, they all emote. Look at Pino and especially Witch, they’re displaying a range of emotion. Its not like they look like a cyberman who talks mechanically.

He’s just confused and unfortunately falls always back into that friendship shit as his only motivator instead of possibly addressing the trauma or adding a layer on how he won’t lose other people and what that feels like for him. The only time it really felt like he was living up to that emotionally stunned guy, was when he was beating the shit out of Illega to the point that Pino needed to shut him off, because I’m sure this kid can’t handle the emotion of anger quite yet in this situation.

Rebecca I think is worse though. I don’t know why people like her other than her design. Her personality is essentially jelly that can be morphed into whatever you want to fit the situation. She’s perverted in some scenes, but then doesn’t like perversion? I mean, she gets two guns in her hands and looks like a moron shooting randomly. Like is that badass? Is this what a female character has to do to be considered cool now?

I don’t consider her a rip off of Lucy, because Lucy actually had a character. Had a personality. No she is more a rip off of Elie from Rave, right down to the shooting shit up part. Only Elie made sense cause she was actually really unhinged thanks to the fact that she had no memories. But she got over it! She developed. Outside of her one past flashback with Happy, nothing about her is that interesting. I’ll also give her that she now just gets ether gear and its something she clearly can’t control yet, so there is room for improvement.

Wise, is actually an okay character. He’s got a cool concept of a guy from the past who is an inventor living in the future. I think his only weakness is that his ether gear is stupidly OP.

Pino is… Just and ornament that looks cute. You want your daughteru character to latch onto Shiki, here. Hell, I have bet going with a friend of mine that Pino will get some upgrade and she’ll have the body of a hot teenage girl. Its not that I hate here idea of having her memory erased, but the more I see of her and to more I hear about this robots have a heart makes me wish Michael came along.

Yeah, missed opportunity, cause Michael is not only a foil to Shiki and his adoptive brother, but he also doesn’t have a humanoid face. Meaning he doesn’t get convey true emotion so he actually seems like a robot. He actually seems like he’d have a character arc about discovering wanting to be more and more human. People would call Shiki weird calling a robot his “brother” and Michael never thought about it and we know there are multiple models of Michael. Imagine how fucking devastating it would be to see yourself mass produced. Imagine he actually gets to the point that he wants a humanoid face, because he wants to emote.

No we get Pino, who basically is Carla, but lacks any of thee enjoyable sass. Because we didn’t have enough sidekicks on this cast. Also we learn EMP is how to shut off ether gear, great, this is like if Usopp just had sea-prism stone on him at all times.

Then there’s Homura, she’s awful too. I’ll at least give Rebecca that she’s likable, but Homura she is personalitiy-less and has the worse character gimmick I think I’ve seen. Its not funny, its dumb. She can also use this ether gear too, and its a sword that was apparently passed down-its fucking 10 commandments. She also just walked into this story, like wha…? I’d be fine if she was like hunting the Eden’s Zero ship and watched it take off on Bluegarden, but no, Homura just came along cause she conveniently met Wise.

I’ll give her credit that the sword fighting looks cool, and I understand why people might like her cause that actually seems like something badass, but as a character she just feels tacked on.

Then there’s witch who is basically just the older sister character.

Elsie is not awful actually. She actually is a lot different from Erza and I actually would like to follow the space pirates more than I would want these random travelers. Also quick question, why do they still have the Eden’s Zero looking like a pirate ship? I mean, it looks cool, but these fuckers are not pirates, not even close. Oh wait, I know! We needed to rip off captain Harlock some more.

I’m not going to even talk about the potential love square with Shiki, Rebecca and Lavilla/Labilla, possibly Esie and Homura (?) cause one credit to FT was it wasn’t a harem, and Rave used a character like Celia and Beruka to more add an extra layer to the relationship of Elie and Haru. SO hoping Hiro avoids that.

So yeah if this rant has probably showed you, I don’t think EZ is all that great. But if you like it, fine I get that. I just have no interest in really talking about it week to week as even though I got down on FT, the beginning of the series was still something I enjoyed and I wanted to talk about how the current stuff had turned out. But EZ has no, beginning I liked. So I just don’t feel like I should be talking about it week to week.

[gregellner]

Cover by Stefano Caselli and Emilio Laiso.

Today I’ll be reviewing “Hack/Slash: Son of Samhain,” a miniseries (though labeled incorrectly as Volume 1 despite being cancelled) that acts as a sequel to the original “Hack/Slash” timeline that ended in 2013. Here’s the creative team: Michael Moreci and Steve Seeley on the script with direction by series creator Tim Seeley; art by Emilio Laiso; colors by K. Michael Russell; and lettering by Chris Crank (Crank!). The entire series is published by Image Comics.

A warning: given this series is a sequel to the main comics, expect spoilers on the Tim Seeley run, especially the events of the second ongoing series that ran on Image Comics from 2011 to 2013. The fact that this volume is labeled as “Volume 1” does make it seem like a jumping on point, but technically it is not. If you do want the actual beginning, the better position to start from is either the first Omnibus edition or, in smaller trades, the “First Cut” volume. Essentially, “Son of Samhain” can be considered a sixteenth volume of the main comics (after 13 main volumes [collected in five omnibuses], “My First Maniac,” and “Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash”) and a technical prelude to the later “Resurrection” series that began in 2017.

First, it seems best to look in on the basic concept of this arc. After the tragic events of “Final,” the conclusion of the main “Hack/Slash” comics, Cassie seemed to have settled down with Margaret Crump as live-in girlfriends and parents to the orphaned Cassandra “Sandra” Krank. Despite seemingly having moved past the deaths in her life, Cassie has trouble with the quiet life, and instead has, after certain issues (to be discussed below), left her lover and become a bounty hunter in Texas, having cut off all ties to her former life aside from Catherine “Cat” Curio of Cat and Dog Inc. (formerly, and later again known as Cat and Dog Investigations). Even the relative stability of her bounty hunter job is ruined when an aged monster hunter named Delroy recruits her to face down an army of genuine subterranean monsters (unlike the usual slashers to which she is more accustomed) that look and act not unlike classic fantasy Orcs in the vein of J.R.R. Tolkein, albeit at times somewhat smarter.

In general, the feel of the story therefore shifts from a horror comic to a classic two-fisted tales pulp story on some level. Due to Delroy’s influence, Cassie is shown more as an action heroine than a huntress of horrors, facing down armies with only some difficulty. The closest that the series got to this type of thing before was in the ‘Monster Baiting’ arc of the second ongoing, with a bit of it present in ‘Sons of Man’ from the first ongoing.

On another hand, the Black Lamp Society does show up, but are much more openly villainous, with the group shown outright saying to Cassie, when pressed, that they are working to bring up Samhain’s evil in conjunction with the efforts of the aforementioned monsters to resurrect a monstrous god, rather than to continue his work of “purging the children of Bacchus.” Of course, this is only a small group, and could easily be either a random splinter faction that found the scientific work that acts as a major part of this arc, or even a way of demonstrating how the cult has degenerated since the fall of their “murder messiah.”

With its very different feel and certain changes in characterization, it’s easy to tell why some fans look down on this arc of the comics. However, while it does take some breaking into, “Son of Samhain” is not necessarily a bad story at all, and is actually quite fun, even if it does take a large part of the arc to get to the most fun, interesting part of the team dynamics.

Our next focus is on our protagonist, Cassandra “Cassie” Hack.

Cassandra “Cassie” Hack has changed somewhat since her last outing as the Serial Killer Killer in “Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash.” Despite how it seemed she could have a family with Margaret Crump and Cassandra “Sandra” Krank, that she could be happy and move past her problems, that’s simply not the case. Much as with many other parts of the “Hack/Slash” horror epic, reality ensues with a vengeance. She never has gone into therapy (no, Doctor Edmund Gross does not count) for her countless issues, and her hereditary slasher bloodline doesn’t help either (if that part of her is still latent). Having walked out on her happiness due to her lingering post-traumatic stress disorder, she has taken to a freelance job as a bounty hunter, seemingly based in Texas, has taken up improvised weapons like a lug wrench instead of her signature bat (temporarily), and has picked up some new skills like lockpicking along the way, along with, for whatever reason, having decided against using firearms in her hunts anymore. Even her fashion style differs, with her putting her hair behind her ears instead of letting it hang in bangs in front of one eye, and having traded in her primarily goth, highly revealing ensemble for tight black or white shirts, jeans, and hooded sweatshirts that do not reach her midriff.

It is perhaps best to let Ms. Hack herself give the explanation of why she did this, as she does to Delroy when pressed. “I was in a relationship with someone I cared for, deeply. What we had, it was good. It was healthy. But what’s a relationship? It’s a shared illusion. You and this other person, you build a world within the world. Or maybe outside the world. I couldn’t do it. And it wasn’t that I was bored, or that I was, like, damaged. None of the Psych-101 bullshit. I’ve seen too much. When I close my eyes, I’m back to my days hunting down slashers. And that’s never going to go away. I know that now.”

Her speech can be unpacked into separate pieces, each of which contributes to her personality when we first see her again.

On the one hand, there’s her talk about relationships, and how she fundamentally does not believe in them. Over the course of the start in particular, before she went back into hunting nonhumans, she continuously uses terms like how a relationship is “playing make-believe” or related words. As a nomadic young woman by nature, she of course has trouble settling down. She can try, but even in her darker thoughts during “Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash,” she seemed very willing to keep away her girlfriend to go right back into hunting, even if it was just to solve a problem for the time being. Her problems with intimacy go even deeper by this point in her life, as one panel of the title card shows, with her not even going for the random one-night stands she attempted in “Final” or used as seduction in “Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash.” Much like her early days, people who hit on her are likely to be hit in return, either having broken bones or being knocked out. This kind of regression is sad, but hardly surprising given her plethora of issues.

Next comes her post-traumatic stress disorder. She’s had it ever since her mom’s death (or at least since the second time), and it, along with a hefty guilt complex, has been driving her ever since on one level or another. Couple that with the sheer horror of the things she ran into during her career, and you’ve got a pretty messed up mindset, with enough symptoms to officially diagnose her with the chronic variant of the disorder. Every one of her memories would be tainted at this point, anyway, from her loving time with Margaret Crump and Sanny connecting to the slasher menace, to her attraction to the Samhain personality in Akakios, to many, many other things. It’s no surprise that the only people she lets herself still keep in contact with are those who will directly help her hunts, even for normal people.

Notably, her antisocial personality disorder has been severely downplayed with the exception of her willingness to kill people and not feel any remorse about doing so. Even she admits that part of her life is not normal for people, but blames it on the Black Ambrosia.

In fact, shifting blame is another part of her earlier life that carries over, though it may be a little difficult for people to see due to being relatively downplayed compared to other the instances in her teen years and the first year or two of her twenties. The main focus of this blame shift is in her choice of names, specifically for some people in her past. She has gone back to calling Margaret Crump “Georgia,” her alias as a stripper, a name she only really used as a means of showing some distance before they became a couple. Before, she only really did that to either protect Margaret’s privacy or because they were not close enough for her to feel it had merit, but her decision to go back to using that name shows that she is trying to externalize all of her feelings and act as though they were never real at all, despite some pretty blatant evidence to the contrary. Another example is in calling Akakios “Samhain,” the identity of his amnesic self-preservation-based personality after which she had lusted. Much like how she blamed Akakios for “seducing her” despite her being the one to come on to Samhain on almost every occasion, calling him “Samhain” seems to be her means of establishing distance. In the case of the name being used elsewhere, it is entirely possible that the others of the Black Lamp Society consider him to be a “reborn” Akakios, but it’s admittedly slightly harder to swallow for returning readers.

However, Cassie’s attempts to shift blame do not mean she is without remorse, though not for lack of trying. In a one-page hallucination of Margaret, she seems to be completely aware, on some level, that what she is doing is bad for her and she should go home to her lover, but just argues with herself over it instead of accepting her own guilty conscience. The result is that Cassie is, as ever, a conflicted character, one who does awful things people would hate her for, and makes decisions people find aggravating, but is filled with a sense of tragedy that makes her difficult to avoid pitying.

Now, let’s discuss her supporting cast this time around: Delroy and October “Ocky” Bourne.

First, we have Delroy, the first sidekick type. A big, older man, heavily muscled, especially in comparison to Cassie’s still relatively slight frame, it’s easy to see what kind of role he is shaped up to play from the very beginning, something so obvious that when Catherine “Cat” Curio arrives with the Nef lowbeast (read: hellhound) Pooch for a brief time, she notes he fits the bill of Cassie’s sidekicks. However, his comparisons to previous partners end there. Rather than favor blades to contrast against Cassie using firearms, the positions are actually reversed, with his primary arsenal being in the form of a shotgun and various explosives, in no small part a likely reason why he has survived so long in his chosen profession of a more general monster hunter (as opposed to Cassie being primarily a slasher slayer).

Third to the team is the eponymous son of Samhain, Ocky, or as the concept art calls him, October Bourne. Essentially an eight-year-old clone of Akakios formed on the very same island that was the main location of the ‘Sons of Man’ arc of the original comic, Ocky was created from some of Akakios’ DNA when he was Samhain, in a secret project underwent by Samhain’s first known lover and eventual victim, Ava Park, while she was working under the watchful eye of the monstrous, but completely human Andrew Rodin on projects like his “Venus” models of the Sons of Man program. The entirety of the reason for his existence is unclear, but some things are not. For instance, he is borderline feral, biting people who come close to him or even starting to eat one of the monsters that tried to hope him captive, and is prone to kill anyone near him with his knife (and later katana) until he comes across people who aren’t trying to use him. In essence, he is what Samhain could have been like if he were a little boy and an actual true individual, rather than an alternate personality of a truly evil person. In fact, Cassie seems to even recognize this, and her experiences with Ocky are some of the most heartwarming in the book, showing her develop into a kind of mother figure to a new Samhain who has potential to be an actual hero, as a way to absolve herself for her actions in the ‘Monster Baiting’ arc of the second ongoing of the original run and how she had caused his father’s “demise,” so-to-speak. On another hand, she also might see him as a younger version of herself, struggling with the Black Ambrosia taint on his blood as he tries to fight to be good.

The two act as a kind of “devil and angel on the shoulder” type of dynamic, with Cassie acting as a relative middle ground between the two of them. Delroy’s behavior with regards to Cassie’s problems is a polar opposite to the likes of Vlad. While Vlad would often try to get Cassie to engage with other people to help her be happy, be it her friends in Eminence, Indiana or the aforementioned Margaret Crump, Delroy not only accepts her post-traumatic stress as a matter of course, but encourages her to do so as well, actively driving her into his monster-hunting lifestyle. When Ocky joins the team, he also acts the same way around him, even giving the eight-year-old boy a katana despite Cassie’s annoyance. In all, while Vlad or even Samhain served as restraining actors or at least neutral, Delroy’s actions seem to be, though perhaps not intentionally, poisonous to Cassie’s psychological wellbeing and a surefire way to make sure she cannot engage with normal people even if she did try. On the other hand, as Ocky learns about how to be good, he acts as a similar kind of chain on her morals in a similar way to Vlad, driving her to be good in order to feel good, even if that mentality is inherently immature on some level. Then again, considering Cassie’s state of being nearly perpetually stuck in her late teens, having someone also immature to talk with may be the best possible option.

When it comes to psychology, the main element under examination is the debate of nature versus nurture, in particular with regards to Ocky himself. Despite his bloodline and that of Cassie, the latter tells him up front that just because his father turned out badly (with Cassie deliberately ignoring the fact that he was always that bad and that “Samhain” technically didn’t exist), doesn’t mean that he has to. She even uses a “not so different” style speech to explain.

“Look, there's only so much you can control about who you are. You're born a certain way or shit happens to you and before you know it, you're the person you see when you look in the mirror. For better or worse, you can't escape from you.”

At its core, her argument is that it doesn’t matter where he came from as long as he can try to be good on his own, divorced from his circumstances, since at the end of the day, how he is will be a consequence of everything both in and around him, with who he decides to be as a person derived from what he does with that knowledge. For instance, while she has her many personality issues, Cassie decided to use the increased emotional volatility that comes with being a hereditary potential slasher to try to do good in the world, and never regretted that fact in and of itself (even as it cost her again and again).

Ocky’s existence is even more profound, as not only is he a clone specifically created for evil (not just extremism, but actual evil), but he was supposed to aid the monster army in its rise, breaking away not unlike many a rebellious antichrist in fiction. On account of Cassie’s parenting, he learned how to be a good person and have people to genuinely care for, something that Akakios never really bothered with at all, and never even truly understood on even the most fundamental level. To quote the dragon Paarthurnax from The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, “No day goes by where I am not tempted to return to my inborn nature. […] What is better? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

Emilio Laiso returns for the artwork, having previously worked with Michael Moreci and Steve Seeley on the one-shot story ‘Hack/Slash/Repeat’ that acted as issue 19 of the second ongoing series, just before the ‘Final’ arc that closed out the original run. While that art was more haunting in keeping with its theme of an inescapable, unending horror, this style is more fun, with definite parallels between the two. The action is hard-hitting, highly animated, and fast, the faces very expressive, especially when it comes to Cassie and Ocky. Both youth and age are emphasized, with Delroy’s age lines and scars at the forefront of his appearance, and the youthful, softer faces of Cassie, Ocky, and Cat showing the idea of a different generation of hunters (and investigators). Even Pooch benefits from this kind of softer style, emphasizing the “cute” nature of the horrible looking dog-thing over the unnaturalness other artists would work toward.

Of particular note is the use of a title card in the place of a narration of exactly what happened to Cassie after the initial introduction of the monsters in the opening pages. Each letter of the title shows a different stage in Cassie’s devolution as she moves from her prior life to her new one, without using a word of actual dialogue. Everything is neat and concise, ranging from standing at a grave to talking with a loved one to walking out the door to other stages, while using only the absolute minimum of words to illustrate the protagonist’s single-mindedness and inability to stay in one place to be happy. Rather than use some narration that would take up several pages or lingering too long, the title card alone manages to get through nine different scenes in a single page to get readers where they need to go in the story, before a more complete context is given to Delroy some time later.

Some of the best shots focus in on unique perspectives, from seeing an attack coming from the reflection in a victim’s eye to seeing how dead someone is inside emotionally from how there is no such reflection when sitting still. These shots rely heavily on K. Michael Russell’s colors, ones that continue to grace the series into its successor “Resurrection” two years later. Russell’s coloring is soft at times, hard at others, working into a realistic style that relies on light heavily to give an added depth to the characters and their emotions. While Laiso’s art is amazing, Russell’s colors truly bring it to life, much as Rosario Costanzo’s colors did in the aforementioned ‘Hack/Slash/Repeat.’

Chris Crank, a.k.a. Crank! (not to be confused with Chris Krank, the father of Sandra Krank), acts as the letterer on this series, much like he does on most if not all of the other “Hack/Slash” main series works. He is, as ever, very good in his use of letters, but where he really excels is in atypical lettering choices, such as using the background to showcase onomatopoeias. A rumbling in the distance wouldn’t be nearly as shocking if it were in a speech bubble, but in one case, it is portrayed as being actually outside of the window of a moving car, coming up on both the characters and readers alike by surprise before something intense happens.

In all, “Hack/Slash: Son of Samhain,” while not perhaps the greatest of “Hack/Slash” materials, is still a worthy addition to the epic, even as a brief interlude between more slasher basher takes on the series. Hopefully Ocky will come up more in the future, but you never know until Tim Seeley decides what he wants to do with the series.

[hope-for-olicity]

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - May 11th, 2018

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them. I have been in pain one month today - still no diagnosis - lots of doctors offices, emergency rooms, tests and rest and your fanfic has helped make that all a bit better so thank you.

A Dance With The Devil multi-chapter complete by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A Season Five re-write http://archiveofourown.org/works/13792770/chapters/31707645

Felicity's Sweet Revenge multi-chapter complete by @tinaday3w - Olicity AU - After six years as Oliver Queen's secretary, Felicity is finally quitting her job at Arrow Architecture. And now that she's finished being the stony architect's office slave, Felicity has decided to go out with a bang (hee hee!) and get some fun-and-sexy fantasy fulfillment before she walks out of his life for good.  But nothing ever goes the way you plan, does it? https://archiveofourown.org/works/3606600/chapters/7957536

Freedom by HopeShannon3000 - Oliver and Felicity get some alone time after he's been released. Post 6x21 https://archiveofourown.org/works/14536248

Another Chance at Love multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - It’s been almost two years since Oliver lost his fiancée Detective McKenna Hall when she died in the line of duty. He closed his heart to love ever since, unable or unwilling to give love another chance. That changes when he meets Felicity Smoak at the annual gala of the Starling City Police Foundation. Is he ready to give love another chance, though? http://archiveofourown.org/works/13561101/chapters/31119801

The Reluctant Queen multi-chapter complete by @anextraordinarymuse - Oliver Queen's life is irrevocably changed the day Felicity Smoak sets foot in his office. And it has surprisingly little to do with the fact that the first time they meet, she's blackmailing him into a marriage. The Bratva didn't prepare him for this (and Digg is never going to let him forget it). https://archiveofourown.org/works/2674541/chapters/5980481

Pieces of Always multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows. Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. http://archiveofourown.org/works/8220479/chapters/18840356

But I Never Planned on Someone Like You by katana_fleet - “Your arm is definitely broken,” John said after a minute of agony. “I’ll get you ready for x-rays, just to determine the extent of the break and how to set it on the first try. Is there any possibility of pregnancy?” https://archiveofourown.org/works/14551284

Elizabeth Grace Smoak multi-chapter WIP by @lynn8828 - What if Felicity and Oliver briefly had met before he got on the Gambit? Despite her best efforts, Felicity was unable to get in contact with the famous Oliver Queen after having a one night stand with him and getting pregnant with his child. After raising their child for five years after finding out that Oliver died on the Gambit, she finds out he is alive and knows that she needs to tell him about their daughter. But will he believe her? AMAZING STORY!! http://archiveofourown.org/works/13639371/chapters/31322715

To Sacrifice the Sun multi-chapter WIP by @emmilynestill - Oliver and Felicity are ARGUS agents working on a mission in Mexico, the two share some very important history. http://archiveofourown.org/works/7510744/chapters/22505918

Will You Remember Me multi-chapter WIP by @jesileighs and @latinasmoak - After being attacked by a metahuman with the power to steal memories, Felicity learns that a lot can happen in six years. Even things that she once believed to be unthinkable. SO AWESOME! http://archiveofourown.org/works/13436049/chapters/30793386

Tempest multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Three years ago, tragedy struck Julianna Queen’s life. Now, she wears a mask and fights at her father’s side, looking for closure and justice as she tries to find a path to move forward with her life while holding on to her past. But that may a bit more complicated than she thinks… http://archiveofourown.org/works/13309731/chapters/30461850

Damn It, Why Won't the Eagle Just Land Already? multi-chapter WIP by @smewhereelse - President John Diggle would really appreciate it if everyone would stop gossiping about his security detail and his science advisor and get back to work. He’d appreciate it even more if his best friends would pull their heads out of their asses and get together already. A White House romantic comedy AU. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13132602/chapters/30040788

The Donor multi-chapter WIP by @spaztronautwriter - Felicity Smoak has always dreamed of being a mother and she isn't going to let a little thing like men stop her from making that dream come true. Having a baby by herself might just be biting off a little more than she can chew, but one way or the other it's about to change her whole life. LOVE THIS SO MUCH! http://archiveofourown.org/works/11099361

Periods, Timelines and Exclamation Points multi-chapter WIP by Izzyface - Felicity Smoak has a PLAN for her life. At 25, she is the youngest Director of IT in the history of Queen Consolidated and on track to be the next VP of Technology for the Fortune 250 company. But that’s before everything in her life starts to go haywire. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14062422/chapters/32395548

Oliver the Copy Guy multi-chapter WIP by @someonesaidcake - She may have fantasized about the copy guy with the hot arms, but she hadn't expected him to actually say yes... https://archiveofourown.org/works/14580006/chapters/33692385

Bad Influence by griever11 - Post 6x21, after the ordeal in court, our favourite couple takes some time out for themselves. In bed. Naked. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14578062

Give Us a Try multi-chapter WIP by @olicityfics  - After coming back from the island, Oliver tried to live a normal life, even though those years had changed him deeply, he tries to overcome what he's been through, hiding the darkness and focusing at work. But he isn't happy, there is a void in his soul that he isn't able to fill. One day a certain small blonde bumps in his life and everything changes. Something was touched in his soul like a light in the dark. The problem is that she seems not to be so interested in him, neither be around him. What can he do to know more about this mysterious blonde? http://archiveofourown.org/works/7933216/chapters/18132538

In Starling Green multi-chapter WIP by @writewithurheart - Robin Hood AU. Lord Oliver Queen has spent the last ten years in self-imposed exile, fighting in the Holy Wars. Finally at peace with himself, he returns home with his squire, Roy Harper, at his side, but the home he remembers is not the one he finds. Oliver must find a way to reorient himself within Nottingham and Starling before he gets himself into trouble, the kind of trouble that takes the shape of some starving villagers and a beautiful blonde with a big heart. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11132355/chapters/24843060

Above All Else multi-chapter WIP by shesimperfect_butshetries - A different take on episode 6x14: Rene shoots but Oliver jumps in front of Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101470/chapters/32490537

Real Love (Is Never a Waste of Time) multi-chapter WIP by @callistawolf - Oliver and Felicity are CEOs who are more partners than they are rivals, but they still bicker whenever they meet up. Constantly pestered by their families and board members, they turn to each other for a simple solution. But marriage is never simple, especially when these two are involved. When Oliver's younger sister decides to hold her much-anticipated wedding on a tropical island and insists her brother and his wife attend, will the island paradise prove to be the tipping point in their carefully balanced relationship? https://archiveofourown.org/works/13604955/chapters/31233603

Monopoly Means War by @alanna-the-lionheart - It was supposed to be a quiet, relaxing Fall evening. No patrols, no fighting bad guys: just a calm night in playing board games. But Felicity’s competitive streak turns out to be just as intense as Oliver’s, and it’s not long before Thea, Diggle, and Laurel realize Monopoly was a HUGE mistake. A humorous fluff fest from Thea’s pov, filled with competition and banter, eye-rolling and alcohol, and enough sexual tension to light up a small city. Takes place in season 4, somewhere between 4x06 and 4x07. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14587590

Shatter multi-chapter WIP by @yespleasehawkeyee - Star City has fallen victim to a serial killer. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14594097/chapters/33728688

The Past Doesn't Define You by HopeShannon3000 - Oliver learns about a part of Felicity's life she'd had tried to keep hidden and tried to forget. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14591841

Untitled by @smoaking-greenarrow - Prompt: the moment Oliver and felicity were walking towards the court office and being photographed by the media. Something about felicity starting to panic (cause someone said something weird, or touched her) and Oliver helping her, calming her down and getting angry at the media for that. http://smoaking-greenarrow.tumblr.com/post/173754821604/hi-there-dmichellewrites-told-me-youd-be-the

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

Knight in Dented Armor multi-chapter WIP by Serendipity16 - 10. That's the message that was left on Felicity Smoak's car that started the downward spiral that has become her life. Sure, she has her amazingly gorgeous-I mean muscular- I mean supportive best friend and CEO, Oliver Queen to help her through this strange time. But will Felicity's past finally catch up to her? And what happens when the countdown runs out? https://archiveofourown.org/works/11156415/chapters/24895272

Bliss (Post 6x08) by @dust2dust34 and @so-caffeinated - PWP. Oliver and Felicity spend a quiet night together before their wedding celebration. Set between 6x08 and 6x09. Rated Explicit. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11888871/chapters/33751386

The First 48 multi-chapter complete by @charmingwords23vote1 - For homicide detectives, the clock starts ticking the moment they are called. Their chance of solving a murder is cut in half if they don't get a lead within the first 48 hours. When Assistant District Attorney Laurel Lance is murdered, Detective Oliver Queen and his partners Detective John Diggle and Tech Analyst Felicity Smoak are on the case. When Oliver realizes one of their own is the next target in the killer's crosshairs, Oliver finds himself racing against the clock to solve the case and save the one person he's realizing he can't live without. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11179569/chapters/24959532

Compulsory Figures multi-chapter WIP by @machawicket -SUMMARY: A series of moments in Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen's road to becoming partners on the ice -- and maybe off. Or: it's that figure skating AU no one asked for, because parlez-vous Olympics?? ;) https://archiveofourown.org/works/13731807/chapters/31549149

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 //

[translationandbetrayals]

Mo Dao Zu Shi and my claim to oriental romance.

Romance is a very popular genre that has captured the hearts of anime lovers, no matter your gender or demographic, you have probably been captivated, loved, laughed, and experienced with emotion the feeling of affection between characters in a manga or anime. In general, the narrative focuses on the thoughts and emotions of the characters, illustrating the connections between them and explaining their reactions to events or conflicts. In addition, romance stories require a significant romantic development that leads to some kind of conclusion: either to begin the relationship, continue it, or end it.

However, in my opinion, romance as such in anime/manga has been lost over the years. The latest installments of this genre focus on hyper superficial relationships, which do not delve into the feelings of the secondary characters, and even do not delve into the feelings of the main characters! 

For this reason, I began to look into different types of genres, thanks to the fact that romance is quite broad and fits a huge variety of stories, I got to know quite a repertoire of good stories in general: action, adventure, comedy, fantasy, mystery, girl love, boy love. Despite the quality of the narratives, in terms of the development of love relationships as such, they strongly decline and are not able to give it an importance as such.

Then one day, I started reading a novel of Chinese origin, called Mo Dao Zu Shi (魔道祖师), a work originally written by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. The story centers on Wei Wu Xian, the founder of demonic cultivation, the hated master because of the chaos he created when he was alive. Also known as the patriarch of Yiling, he was later assassinated by clans who combined their strength to defeat him. Thirteen years later, he was reincarnated in the body of a young man named Mo Xuanyu who offered his body to Wuxian through a forbidden ritual in order to get revenge on his abusive family. After several coincidences, our protagonist meets Lan Wang Ji, a master of the Gusu Lan sect, who is his opposite in personality and with whom he had multiple disputes in the past. The latter recognizes him and decides to take him with him, this marks the beginning of the journey, which is full of mysteries to be solved.

I lack of words to describe what a wonderful experience I had reading this novel, I felt multiple emotions, I lived the adventure, I enjoyed the world building and I loved every action scene. But most of all, I fell in love with the romance between the main characters: the hilarious Wei Wu Xian and the icy Lan Wang Ji.

If we begin by describing their personalities, it is clear that they are polar opposites. The first is energetic and mischievous, a prankster with a heroic humble heart, Wuxian is a person who cares little for rules and decorum, enjoying teasing others (especially Lan Wang Ji). On the other hand, the latter is rather polite, with a strong conscience, courteous and fair, Lan Wang Ji is a sincere person who always follows the rules, although it is mentioned that if the laws go against his sense of justice he is capable of breaking them. Despite their contrasting personalities, their teamwork is incomparable, their mutual trust is full and loyal, because they have the same moral values.

Throughout the story, it is possible to notice how Wei Wu Xian gradually falls in love with Lan Wang Ji and also, through his memories, we notice that Lan Wang Ji has loved Wei Wu Xian since they were both young.

The little details are what makes the love that these two characters have for each other feel real and sincere, small actions and demonstrations of affection are not lacking. An example of these small details, is that Lan Zhan recognizes Wu Xian due to him playing a song that Wang Ji wrote and played only for Wu Xian, later it is revealed that this song was named by Lan Zhan as "Wanxian", which is a combination of both character's names. Another example is that although Wan Ji possesses delicate tastes regarding food, he often tries spicy dishes to satisfy Wei Wu Xian's love for (extremely) spicy food. Also, whenever Wu Xian feels threatened he seeks help from Lan Zhan. Or how both characters are constantly flirting, in a subtle way (although sometimes not so much and it is generally Wu Xian who flirts).

I do not wish to go into more detail, as the intention of this post is to encourage you to read this wonderful work and I do not want to spoil it for readers. However, I emphasize again that the relationship of these characters is the most sincere love I have read in recent times, and all of this despite the extreme censorship of homosexual relationships that persists in China.

By: Daylin Ortega.

[butdoeslunalovegood]

I literally just downloaded Tumblr so I could talk about the final scene of Call Me By Your Name. I need someone to talk to talk about this with, especially someone who has also read the book. Now, firstly, I've only just watched it last night once so I haven't had the chance to really pick apart everything I loved or not about the movie; my interpretation will probably be different to everyone else's and also inevitably will be marred by the fact I loved the book so much. It's a very faithful adaptation and I have absolutely no qualms with the actors who I can now only see playing Elio and Oliver. The movie didn't follow quite the same neurotic Elio that we have in-depth examinations of in the novel, as it is impossible to read it without noticing Elio's complete limerence with Oliver to a sometimes worrying - but always intriguing - point through his narrative. However, this last scene /got/ me in the powerful way definetly intended. It's complete pinnacle of emotion, conflict, loss and obsession is shown on a whole other astronomical field by Timothée Chamalet, making up for any lack of insight we have with Elio from the comparison of the novel. ~ Spoilers ~ In the CMBYN book, Oliver returns for Christmas and tells Elio face-to-face about his engagement, then skipping forward to about fifteen years later, Elio goes to find Oliver as a professor teaching but cannot bear to visit Oliver's wife and children. And finally, almost twenty years from their first meeting, Oliver returns to the Italian paradise where they spent their summer and learns that Professor Pearlman has died. They reminisce about their times there and the implication being that Elio seems to remember a lot more about their summer together than Oliver - it's almost hard to picture Elio as any older than his summer story but Oliver seems much changed. Finally, the story ends when Oliver says he is much like Elio he "remembers everything" and, much as Elio does in his way, he silently begs him to call Elio by his own name once again. (As previously Oliver called and didn't take Elio's hint when he repeated his own name - though we don't know if this was really a lack of remembering or a refusal to play their games) and that is where we are left. In the movie, however, we are left only a few months after the initial summer, where Elio repeats his name on the phone and Oliver responds. He then sits in front of the fireplace, a tirade of emotion with the symbolic fly buzzing from his shirt to his face. And the problem I have with this is that I simply can't decide which ending I like better. I know it might not seem like the huge difference - especially when the rest of the movie had been quite heavily faithful aside from some minor insight, a character arc and an interesting trip to Rome. But, much like the ending of A Streetcar Named Desire and it's 1951 cinematic counterpart, the changing of the ending - or the symbolic scrapping of epilogue scenes - can change the symbolism of the entire story. For me, personally, the ending of the novel was not only a sly shout to Professor Pearlman's own speech. [Withdrawal can be a terrible thing when it keeps us awake at night, and watching others forget us sooner than we'd want to be forgotten is no better]. For me, personally, the story explores the love between two beings in so many ways. Firstly, it deals with not only love between people regardless of gender but also the dichotomy of love and sexuality and how each influences another. For example, novel Elio is very clearly sexually attracted to Marzia and Oliver both, though is besotted with Oliver on an emotional and intellectual level. Movie Elio could construed as presented to use Marzia as more of a way to smother his own sexuality or to gauge some reaction from Oliver, but I believe novel Elio to be attracted to Marzia but not in love with her. Elio doesn't fall in love with Marzia because she is not a man but moreso because she is not Oliver. There is also subtly the different culture clashes within love and the overcoming of that. (Later!? Ammirite 😚). There is the far more controversial exploration of love and age also which - for the critics out there - is moral and legal in the context of the story in both the movie and book. But something that I find increasingly interesting in the story is it's own exploration on what love truly is, compared to what could be desire, limerence, friendship, etc. What love is and, furthermore, the contexts which it can survive and sustain. The true heart breaking moments in the story come from the lack of deep connection between our two protagonists, who has once experienced so much, in their final moments on the novel. Both have moved on in life but Elio's silent battle with himself indicate wounds still fresh from twenty years ago and Oliver's lack of awareness is actually painful. In a meandering summer that felt so much like a fantasy we can see this part of our story deeply rooted in ugly truth that media - especially romance - have been shy of for far too long. Forgetting. Moving on. The thought that we might feel so strongly one moment and then not the next. The thought that we might never forget but the ones we share these secret memories with will and we'll be left alone in our memories, feeling shame for not being able to do what everyone else seemingly can. The ending of the book does this so perfectly, we are begging right along with Elio for some 'Love, Rosie/ Where Rainbows End' miracle of lost love that went through so many trials and ended up back where we think it should be. But it's simply not the truth and its enthralling, as a reader, to be able to feel that second-hand. It's not to say the end of the movie does do this. The ambiguity of the final scene leaves us weighed down by the inevitability of having to move on, and we cannot help but sympathize with Thimothée's superb acting and a beautiful Sufjan Stevens song, to demonstrate how we all feel about the possibility of having to move on. But there isn't quite that same sense of loss that we feel because Oliver does remember and does call Elio by his own name in turn. I just can't decide which ending I like better. Both of them hurt me so emotionally I might need counselling but they're both so powerful and so are their changes. It's past 2am and I'm listening to sad #Dodie songs so I just needed to get this out there before my emotions imploded on me.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Our Kind Of Cruelty by Araminta Hall

When I first saw this psychologial thriller on NetGalley, I knew I had to request it. A dark and deadly love triangle fuelled by obsession and murder? I was so excited when I was accepted for it.

Mike and Verity love to Crave. Verity flirts with an unsuspecting stranger while Mike watches from a distance. When she’s ready, Verity will touch the delicate silver eagle hanging from her neck and Mike will swoop in and save her from the situation before reclaiming her as his own through reckless passionate sex. Now Verity says she is marrying popular, successful Angus but Mike knows this is all part of the Crave. He knows that she is playing an elongated, intricate Crave to punish him and she will need to be saved at some point. Because only he and Verity truly understand the Crave and it’s simply impossible that she and Mike won’t end up together, isn’t it?

I think the line ‘I read a story once about a Russian man who ate his lovers and I sort of understand why he did it’ sums up Mike pretty well. He is an exceptionally unique and fascinating character to read through. I absolutely adore that the entirety of the book is from his viewpoint because his head is a complete mess of a place but there is so much there. He is violently and completely consumed by his obsession with Verity to the point where literally nothing and no one else matters. I’d never read from this headspace for such a prolonged period of time before but I was undeniably addicted to him.

He is delusional and dangerous, of course. However, at several points in the last 20% of the book, I began to think that perhaps he isn’t quite as delusional as his graphic unstable mind suggests. As Verity becomes more present, doubts began to creep in and I wonder whether she is perhaps playing a game with both Mike and her new husband Angus. Is Mike, in fact, right about the situation and is Verity staging a manipulative, cold-hearted operation? The way that Hall constantly had me guessing and changing my mind kept me on tenterhooks throughout.

With a character as messed up as Mike, his background story is of utmost importance when trying to gain any kind of empathy or understanding for him. Mike was largely raised by a loving supportive foster couple, Elaine and Barry, after years of abuse and neglect at the hands of his alcoholic mother and her numerous boyfriends. Reading the chapters where he talks about his few memories of his time with his mum, it’s easy to map out his journey to a damaged and illogical mind. By this point in the book, I had already spent so much time in Mike’s head that I felt like I knew him pretty well but was still struggling to relate. Delving into his tragically dark past gave so much clarity as to the reasons why and shed some light on why he is in complete denial about the end of his and Verity’s relationship -yet another rejection that he is refusing to accept.

As a narrative written entirely from the mindset of an incredibly unreliable character, Our Kind Of Cruelty is possibly the most intrinsically intense psychological thriller I’ve ever read. Although the action reaches a brutal dramatic climax and the aftermath saw a comeuppance, I wouldn’t say that all was resolved at the end. I can’t shake the feeling that Mike’s fantasies aren’t completely self-concocted. I don’t feel that Verity really handles it in the best way and some of her behaviour still doesn’t quite make sense to me. Every time she and Mike have some form of contact, he misconstrues her words and forces them to fit with his ideal. It’s so overwhelmingly frustrating but his unwavering confidence that he understands some kind of hidden meaning in her words makes me question my own understanding. Mike is so utterly convincing that I simply have to question Verity and wonder whether he has actually got something right.

The whole idea of truth is something that haunts the whole second half of the book and it continues to linger after you’ve closed it. What were the real reasons behind this tragic state of affairs? Was it simply a case of an unhinged ex-lover, consumed by jealousy and denial, hell-bent on having his girlfriend back? Or was it the most-involved, devastating, selfish sex game ever created? 

Many readers will argue that all good books require a major shift in the protagonist’s life or outlook over the course of the narrative. Our Kind Of Cruelty doesn’t have this. On the last page, Mike is still madly in love with Verity and he still fervently believes that she is Craving. He is still making plans for them to be together as he was at the beginning. He is still the same Mike and yet that’s ok. Personally, I would have found it quite jarring for a guy like him, considering his background, to have suddenly seen the light. It wouldn’t have been believable if such a twisted, dented character had veered into an abrupt denounciation of his obsession or even if he’d reached a stage of acceptance. I think it’s the first book I’ve ever read where the shift wasn’t needed because the whole thing was about the thrill of the chase. That thrill was so great that it sufficed.

I cannot recommend Our Kind Of Cruelty enough to anyone who is looking for a dangerous, head-spinning ride. If you love thorough red-hot explorations of dark, cold, vicious minds, solving mysteries with only the words of an unreliable narrator or love stories like no other, let me introduce you to Mike Hayes.