#And that's stressful for me even without covid risk

[sailor-cerise]

Remembering how my former favorite local coffee shop sent an email announcing they would be stopping all curbside pickup and changing from an outdoor pickup window with masked employees to exclusively inside to "bring the community back together" and dropping their mask wearing policy.

Fuck you. You have now excluded me from your community and put your employees at risk.

[rainbowsky]

In all my years of being a GGDD fan, I don't think any year has ever been better than this last one.

In the past I have watched them struggle and face incredibly difficult situations, be forced to spend almost all of their time apart, and deal with scandals and setbacks.

2024 was a year I could never have dreamed of for both of them. Watching them both thrive so well, take charge of their careers and their lives to a degree never before seen, and to have so much time for their personal lives - it's all I've ever wanted for them.

And you can see how well they are thriving, how much happier they are, how much healthier they are, and how much of themselves is stamped on every single thing they do.

I frequently see fans spinning negative fantasies about them, and it makes me sad. As if there isn't enough pain in the world, why generate more in your own mind?

A lot of turtles tend to overly romanticize 2018 and 2019 because they were the years that The Untamed was filmed, promoted and aired, and that's where a lot of our favorite GGDD content was born. I think that's rather self-centered and shortsighted. If we take five seconds to remove our rose-colored glasses, surely we can see how difficult those years were for them.

Yes, they got to work together for a few months, they got to spend some fun time together promoting The Untamed and even got to be somewhat open about their affection for each other in front of a crowd, but outside of that summer dream, they were both in pretty precarious positions in their careers, and both of them faced a lot of really gruesome anti attacks. Neither of them had very much control over their careers or their choices, and their management situations were atrocious.

We don't even have to talk about 2020. That was an incredibly difficult year. GG was the focus of one of the worst cyberbullying and nearly career-ending scandals that's been seen in that industry. He was being threatened, the people connected to him and the brands that he dealt with were being threatened.

Any time he tried to do anything in his career, whether it was an appearance or an endorsement, antis would come out in droves and protest until it was shut down. There were active organized hate campaigns whose entire purpose was to destroy his life and his career. People were trying to infect him with COVID, and there were other threats upon his life. Multiple times online hate campaigns tried to spread the rumor that he had died.

He couldn't go anywhere without people following him and chanting hateful slogans at him and trying to infiltrate the hotels he was staying at. It was terrifying.

DD was constantly overworked, exhausted, always on the move with barely any time to come up for air.

They had to spend most of their time apart, including some of the quarantine time, when DD was isolated so that he could begin filming LOF, right when the worst of the scandal broke. GG's grandfather died, and he faced so many personal burdens.

They did get some fun times together of course, and there were some huge successes for both of them, including GG's spectacular comeback at the end of the year with his sea of red for Tencent All Star Night. Even turtles worked to help ensure he had his red sea.

And GG and DD got to clown around and be silly as well, and they made a real effort to show us that they were getting through fine, they would be okay and that they were still the same people, still able to be happy. We got so much candy that year, and so many great LRLG messages as well.

But that was just a sign of their character and strength. Make no mistake about it, that was a difficult year.

The intervening years between then and now have been a bit of a mixed bag. There were a lot of COVID frustrations (scheduling issues, Kafkaesque hoops to jump through, inability to travel outside the country, risk of ending up in a prolonged lockdown, inevitable health stress), they had to spend a lot of time apart and there were more and more crackdowns on the entertainment industry, on the queer community and on fandom culture, which made things feel positively dismal and oppressive - at times even scary.

However, it's undeniable that things have been gradually improving for them. They've both been building more and more autonomy and control in their careers, and building more respect from audiences and within the industry. They've both been prioritizing their personal lives more and more. And yes - they've BOTH been looking happier, more relaxed, more balanced.

I've talked about that a fair bit over the past couple of years. Most recently in this post.

Looking at 2024, they have had so much more free time in their lives, have been able to spend so much more time together in the same city, have spent time with each other wherever they were filming, and even got to travel and spend some fun downtime outside of China.

They are in such powerful positions compared to even a couple years ago. They have made great connections and worked on some amazing projects.

GG has been working with some of the top directors on some of the most anticipated projects in C-ent. He recorded an entire solo album and several music videos, and did all of that on his own time and on his own dime, and released it to critical acclaim and massive success with audiences.

He has been the talk of the globe in fashion circles and entertainment circles, and has been the global face behind some of the most successful and exciting campaigns for some of the most prestigious brands in the world.

He got to travel a lot outside of China, and build on some of the great connections he's made over the years. He got to spend time with his parents traveling Europe!

He's given us so much incredible content with his vlogs and photo sets. It's just mind-boggling how much he's given us over the past couple of years.

DD took initiative to propose and participate in a documentary series where he got to explore interesting locations and engage in some of the most extreme outdoor activities. What could possibly be more exciting for someone like him?

He got to work with a team of conservationists who are fighting to save pangolins, and filmed a documentary there as well. Knowing him, that has to be one of the most rewarding things he's ever done in his life.

Both documentaries were highly acclaimed and award-winning.

Speaking of awards, he debuted as a film star and has been nominated for all of the top awards in China both for his film work and his drama work!

He has signed a new contract with his management company that will certainly have put him in a very powerful position in the company as their top breadwinner. He has been exceptionally successful with endorsements, holding more endorsements than anyone else in C-ent.

He got to play tennis on the top of The Great Wall with one of the top players in the world (regardless of how much I despise Djokovic).

He got to be an Olympic torch bearer! He is the ambassador for multiple high profile organizations and projects.

He earned his auto racing license, joined a racing team and finished in first place in his first ever auto race!

Make no mistake about it, they are both now solidly calling the shots in their own lives and careers, they are living their best lives, and they are both happier than I have ever seen them in all of these years.

And much more healthy! Just take one look at them and you can see how much healthier they both are. They've been playing a lot of sports and doing a lot of active outdoor activities together, and it shows in how much happier and healthier they are.

Frankly anyone who can't see that has their head stuffed firmly in a moist dark place.

I urge everyone to center GG and DD in all of our fandom explorations, theories and interpretations. The reality is that the more that they get to focus on their own lives and careers and personal freedoms, the less candy and CPN we're likely to see. We should be happy for them rather than try to spin sad tales about it.

[metalheadsagainstfascism]

I can't stress this enough. WE'RE STILL IN A PANDEMIC.

I DON'T CARE THAT THE GOVERNMENT SAYS. I DON'T CARE WHAT THE US DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH SAYS. WE'RE STILL IN A PANDEMIC.

People that were high risk are still high risk, including immunocompromised people, people with high blood pressure, and people with clotting disorders.

Like my boss, his wife, and friends of the family all got sick. I still can't get my allergy medication at the grocery. I had to order that shit from Amazon. That major sucked.

I still wear a mask. Because even though I'm on my... second booster? Getting COVID even though I had my first booster was the sickest I've ever been.

People are still getting long COVID which makes them high risk for this fungal infection outbreak as of recent.

Wear your damn mask. (Also I work remote. Because people are fucking gross. All of you people going to work without your mask are fucking nasty)

"But Fae. I can't breath." Bitch. When I get my hair done I'm easily there for... 4 hours? I can barely breath without a mask (I'm working with an ENT and allergist on that). I still wear a mask the entire damn time. Because I'm not fucking nasty spreading my goddamn germs everywhere like all of you. You're goddamn disgusting and you should all be fucking shamed for it. Keep your FUCKING cooties to your FUCKING self.

I don't care if people give me that goddamn look that people give every time I express a systemic issue. You're goddamn gross and I'm fucking judging you.

-fae

[i-still-mask-because]

in the wake of all this new information during COVID, do you feel that maybe we should all just be masking all the time, COVID of no COVID? I mean it can't be the only airborne disease out there and immunocompromised ppl have always and will always exist so like. Following that thinking even if we don't have COVID we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right? Idk I'm stressing a lot about this do I just need to wear a mask outside forever cos. Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues and stuff but. I don't wanna?? Kill people by accident??? Aaaaa

Hello, thanks for reaching out about this.

I saw this ask about a month ago, and I needed time to think about how I'd respond to it (so I want to thank you for the patience!).

I'll try to answer all of this to the best of my ability, and I thought I'd answer this by going backwards (responding to the last things you said and then moving up with responding to the first things you said).

Everything is below the cut because this is very long!

First I'll try to summarize what I think you're asking here:

"Vulnerable people exist in this world all around me, therefore does this mean I'm constantly posing a threat to those vulnerable people's safety when I don't mask? The thought of this brings me feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety."

I find this is hard to answer candidly without risking stressing out you or anyone else who's aware of the consequences of their choice not to mask. Nonetheless, my honest answer is: yes, choosing not to mask means risking the lives and safety of vulnerable people, i.e. the disabled, immunocompromised, elderly, children & babies, and those that intersect those groups. That risk can take place directly (such as interacting with an immunocompromised elder) or indirectly (such as interacting with the parent of a disabled child).

I also want to add that it's not only those groups that need protecting. I firmly believe that regardless of your age and/or whether or not you self-identify as disabled or immunocompromised that everyone is at risk of the long-term consequences of this rapidly mutating, vascular, and immunosuppressive virus. No one is invincible to this, and I'll add: not even if you're vaccinated (still get vaccinated if you can, but know that you can still catch covid & develop long covid regardless of your vaccination status).

1. "Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues."

I understand how that can be difficult to deal with, trust me. There are specific masks (such as most standard KN95s) that irritate the hell out of my face after a certain point. The way those specific masks brush against the hairs of my cheeks just make me want to rip the mask off my face completely. Finding alternatives has been a lifesaver, and they've allowed me to get through the day without wanting to maul someone lol. I don't know what masks you have tried out already, so I'll just recommend the one's I like as well as the one's I've heard good reviews on from people that also have sensory issues:

NIOSH 3m Aura N95 Respirators

Flo Mask

GATA Mask (Haven't tried this one yet, but I've heard a LOT of people say this has been a game changer for them because of how comfortable it is & how it doesn't trigger much sensory issues at all due to its silicone material. Probably the only con I've heard is the chance of the build up of moisture in the mask after a long period of use & water possibly dripping on your face— this happens to me sometimes with my Flo Mask. Edit on Sept. 26, 2023: I tried GATA Mask, and I personally have a tough time getting a comfortable fit & seal with it, even when getting the small/medium size for adults to see if it'll make a difference, and the nose bridge shape not fitting well for me is a huge con. Customer service is just suggesting I spend more, so I'll just give this one a break, for now at least. A lot of other people seem to like it though.)

Halyard FLUIDSHIELD [ASTM Level 3] Mask (My mom works in a hospital, and these are masks she brings home from work. They're VERY comfortable for me, especially when I'm masking at home. I recommend finding a way to tighten the loops that go around your ears to prevent as much gaps around the mask as possible. If tight loops hurt your ears easily, I recommend a mask brace.)

O2 Nose Filters (I haven't tried these out yet as well, but I've seen videos demonstrating how effective these are at filtering out SOOO many unseen particles. I don't recommend using these alone of course, because there's still a risk of inhaling harmful aerosols through your mouth. I would recommend using this as a reinforcement of the protective measures you take. For example: adding on a comfortable surgical mask— ideally one with a high filtration efficiency like the previous suggestion— with the nose filters. I think these nose filters would be great if you're removing your mask real quick to take a sip of water or if you're outdoors with enough distance from crowded areas & groups.)

In the ideal world, more people would mask during this on-going pandemic so those that deal with sensory issues and/or those that straight-up can't wear a mask due to medical reasons wouldn't have to worry so much about choosing between existing & risking their health. For now, we just have to find alternatives.

2. "Do I need to wear a mask outside forever?"

My answer to this is: yes until further notice. There's no foreseeable end to this pandemic right now, but it would be worth the patience to wait for adequate tech, treatment, and cures for covid-19 to be released before even thinking about getting loose with masking.

Societal mandates have been dropped way too soon, and public health in regards to covid-19 is being forced on us as an individual responsibility. As a consequence, this gives this rapidly mutating virus a lot of wiggle room to spread and do whatever it wants. This means doctors and experts don't have much answers yet for adequate treatment because there's a MAJOR lack of containment (such as masking & quarantining) and documentation (such as testing & reporting). This isn't to say there hasn't been any advancements whatsoever: for example, Washington University just developed a breath test for covid that gives results in just 1 minute! This is great news! And this is just one reason why it's very necessary for those who can mask to mask, so scientists are given more time to roll out helpful solutions & tools sooner.

Another thing I'll add is if you're symptomatic and/or are positive for covid, you should 100% be wearing a mask no matter what, point blank period. I say "and/or" because it is VERY much possible to have covid and not experience any symptoms at all; this is a major reason why it's necessary to mask up in public consistently, because you can't always know who you bump into that may have covid or not.

3. "Even if we don't have covid, we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right?"

Yes, there is a possibility of spreading airborne diseases to vulnerable people unknowingly— without the protective & preventative tools that is.

I can only speak for America because that's the cultural zeitgeist I grew up in, but: I feel like many of us can agree that, unless you worked in a healthcare setting, what was "normal" (in America) before 2020 when it came to airborne illness prevention was definitely not the regular use of a mask. American health education mainly taught us if we're coughing & sneezing to try to do so in a tissue or into your elbow, as well as frequently wash our hands. That doesn't account for the way air actually works though. For instance, if someone with the common cold coughed into the inside of their elbow, the particles they coughed out are still able to linger in the air because their elbow isn't creating a tight seal around their mouth (their elbow may have caught the droplets from their cough— which are bigger & heavier— but the smaller, lighter aerosols would just spread around similar to how smoke does); it's the difference between 😪 vs 😶‍🌫️. The only sure way for the germs they've coughed out to be blocked from spreading to other people is if they wear a well-fitted, quality mask/respirator.

I feel like health education from a young age should include the benefits of masking; that way it would be easier to adapt to the need to put on a mask to protect ourselves & others as a collective. It would be phenomenal & wonderful if we as a collective were used to masking the same way we're used to putting on socks before putting on our shoes.

4. "Immunocompromised people have always and will always exist"

Yes, that is true. And that means necessary measures taken to protect them, as well as other vulnerable people, should be the standard.

5. "[Covid] can't be the only airborne disease out there"

Of course not. There's plenty of them. However, not all airborne diseases are the same, nor should they be treated as such. What's been observed in regards to the long-term effects of covid is not at all the same with other airborne diseases. Covid is a highly contagious virus that is more than just a respiratory disease. Its goal is to attack your immune system, nervous system, heart, brain, and/or other vital organs. That's what viruses do. They act smart and sneaky, and they have the capability to trigger illnesses in your body that you may not have had pre-infection:

Chickenpox is known to lead to shingles

Epstein-Barr is known to lead to mono

HPV is known to lead to cancer

Covid-19 has been found to lead to:

POTS

ME/CFS

Stroke & Heart attack

Alzheimer's

Dementia

"Brain Fog"; Memory & Concentration Problems

The list goes on, and these are only what we know of. Covid may not be the only airborne disease, but it definitely is a dangerous one with serious, long-term negative effects.

6. "Do you feel that we should all be masking all the time, whether or not covid-19 exists?"

In regards to masking with the existence of covid:

Yes. Masking is a vital method in the prevention of catching & spreading covid-19, because it is primarily spread through the air.

In regards to masking without the existence of covid:

See my answer for number 3, and also: given the fact wearing a mask can only do more good than harm for most folks, I don't see why not. Imagine a world where we don't have to worry about flu season or allergy season anymore because those aerosols are filtered out from consistent mask wearing. Sounds like the dream to me lol.

-

I hope this made sense! If anyone has anything they'd like to add to answer anon's questions, please feel free to share!

Thank you for reading 😷

[marie-golds-bleeding-ink]

Thomas and Gordon rambles that turned into 1x4

I really like their Alliance and want to explore that a bit. Like in them getting along better, obviously, helping each other out on jobs, being able to communicate better and sort out whatever fights they may have together, supporting each other through the crisis (wars, end of steam, covid,) and growing closer all throughout.

And to go further, they have jobs they do together, or maybe Gordon lets it slip that he likes quiet work so Thomas invites him to shunt or do something like that. And Gordon’s mellowed so he’s like “that’s alright with me,” and so they go shunting every now and then and chat, joke around, gossip and whatnot.

My AU and 1x4

(Mind you I see them as being similar mental ages, think early-late mid twenties.)

So in my au, when they get human bodies they’ll grab coffee or cakes from wherever, play with cats, watch movies, read books together…

Thomas loves contact, like hugs or slinging his arms over people but respects that Gordon isn’t very comfortable with openly showing affection, at least for now. That gives Gordon the agency and room to give his own shy affections out (in hand holding, shoulder pats, or just standing close,) and Thomas is thrilled. And they’re even happier together when they share a bed for plot reasons- I mean lodging complications.

They both dislike sleeping alone for one, and they compliment each others styles. Thomas sleeps close meaning Gordon won’t feel lonely, and Gordon hugs in his sleep which makes Thomas feel safe.

They grow close to each other, and support each other with their identities too. Gordon affirms Thomas’ enby-ness, helps them with fashion and checks in when Thomas is having a rough day. Thomas validates and encourages Gordon’s GNC-ness and helps him find confidence in it.

They talk about other personal subjects too, like their siblings or their feelings about their public lives or other stresses they may connect over. Or how they’ve kinda quit the dating scene for different and similar reasons.

A lot Gordon’s previous crushes are either with someone else or busy. Even if they aren’t, there’s either past bad blood or the risk of ending friendships that Gordon cherishes. As such, he’s moved past those crushes and decided to stay single.

Thomas has had his own (complicated,) crushes but realized early on he wasn’t ready for romance, at least not long lasting, and decided to stay single, though he’s a bit sad over that.

Thomas and Gordon connect over this, as it’s something they have in common, even for different reasons. It also stays between them, as these are super personal feelings and whatnot. So a sweet part of their relationship is them supporting each other through their singleness.

And they get closer and closer and at one point they’re out on a trip, Thomas notes it’s like a date and Gordon is like, “that does sound nice but I like this much better.”

Thomas is like, “you do?”

And Gordon’s like “yes. After all, if I went off on dates I couldn’t be here with you. We wouldn’t be able to talk like we have, and I‘d much rather have this.” With this warm smile on his face.

Thomas laughs (and blushes,) and says “I’m glad you think that Gordon. That makes me very happy!”

And it goes on. They fall in love, and it’s subtle and slow and sweet. They notice things about each other, go fishing together, chat about musicals or opera, tousle each others hair…

Then one day, on a nice afternoon, they’re alone in the sheds talking. It’s a lovely conversation and without realizing, they confess their love to each other. Then they realize just that and have this moment of “ohhh, we’re in love!”

And because they’ve grown and trust each other a lot, they’re quite mature about this, and decide to get together officially. There’s a bit of flustering and blushing, but they handle it very well. And since they were low key dating for months up until this point, not much changes aside from more snuggles.

Thomas and Gordon are very happy about this, so happy in fact, they forgot to share the news! Meaning everyone finds out 4 months late. They’ll notice new things about Thomas and Gordon’s behavior (laughing more, Gordon being all huggy, the two shunting together, little jokes from Thomas that sound oddly like bad flirting that Gordon is amused and fond for.) but might not put the pieces together cause what-are-the-odds-right?

Anyways, Thomas and Gordon like kisses. Forehead kisses, cheek kisses, quick-on-the-lip-before-i-miss-my-train-kisses and whatnot. And they both wear lipstick so they leave stains. Usually they remember to wipe these off, but sometimes they forget. I imagine the reveal goes like this;

Percy: “Say Thomas, don’t those marks on your face look like Gordon’s lipstick?”

Thomas: “Yep! They’re all from him!”

Percy: “Ohh, I see.”

Gordon: “Oh dear, I didn’t realize how carried away I got, my apologies.”

A beat.

Edward: “I’m sorry?”

Thomas: “Hehe, no worries. I forgot to ask for the wipes after all-”

James: “Wait a minute-“

Gordon: “Say Thomas, did we not tell them-“

Everyone but Thomas and Gordon: “WHAT?!??”

*cue overlapping reactions while Gordon sighs and Thomas nervous chuckles.

Thomas: “didn’t we tell you? I thought you all knew hahaha 😅,”

Gordon: “It seems we got carried away dear Thomas.” *affectionate smile*

Once the initial shock is over, everyone concludes this was rather obvious and calms down. There’s teasing of course, but for the most part everyone is glad to see Thomas and Gordon so happy together.

Even if Gordon’s a cheesy romantic and Thomas a clumsy flirt.

[covid-safer-hotties]

COVID isolation continues four years later for some residents at higher risk - Published Aug 30, 2024

Sara Anne Willette has spent more than 1,620 days in isolation since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The New Jersey resident took health precautions in public before the pandemic because of her common variable immunodeficiency, which means she doesn't make enough antibodies to fight infections.

Simple tasks like going for a walk down the street or taking a trip to the grocery store are laden with safety hurdles and anxiety for Willette.

Stressful tasks, like moving from Iowa to New Jersey during the pandemic for her husband's new job, are now even more taxing. The two drove overnight to avoid crowds at gas stations and rest stops, and she's prepared to do it again. The substantial health precautions in her day-to-day life are forcing her and her family to pack up their life once more and look for a new home in the countryside.

"I'm angry that society is largely inaccessible and I have to risk my life for the bare minimum, like medical care," Willette told ABC News in a phone call. "Why live in civilization if all of it is completely inaccessible?"

More than four years after the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, Willette is among the immunocompromised and disabled Americans who've complete changed their way of living to survive.

Her anger was tinged with disappointment as she talked about how the rest of the world has gone back to normal despite the hundreds of people across the country dying from COVID-19 each week amid a summer surge of the virus.

COVID-19 has also been a debilitating event for tens of millions of people who have or are currently experiencing long COVID, which in some cases has been defined as a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act. With some lawmakers beginning to propose mask bans in hopes of reducing crime, it's no longer an option for some to live life normally among the rest of society.

Willette was among the people ABC News checked back in with after previously talking to them about isolating two years after the pandemic began.

Finding a new normal There are simple joys that Willette misses: having a garden, running, walking, letting her dogs run without a leash and drinking coffee on a porch.

She's planning on moving to the mountains -- somewhere between New Hampshire and Virginia -- and gaining enough acreage to allow her and her family to embrace the activities they lost during the pandemic. However, being alone out in the countryside isn't the goal for Willette.

Rather, she intends to build a pathogen-aware community. That means buying enough land so other disabled, immunocompromised or health-conscious able-bodied people who don't want to get COVID-19 can join them and create a home of their own.

"We want something that feels like normal but is set up in a way that we decrease harm for everyone in the community," Willette said. "We can't do that in an urban area or even in a suburban area. There are too many risks."

Her mother and mother-in-law intend to move and join Willette, her husband and her son on the property as well.

For Charis Hill, a California resident who has a systemic inflammatory disease and takes immunosuppressive medications, it's been hard to access an in-person doctor's appointment since many safety precautions for COVID-19 are no longer being taken in medical care facilities.

As someone with "high-level medical needs," the lack of COVID precautions has even made seeking routine care a challenge.

"Just the fact that a medical environment that is supposed to know what a virus can do, most medical environments no longer require masking, and that's what makes it unsafe for people like me to go, for anybody to go," Hill told ABC over the phone.

"The impact of the delayed care, where people can't go get routine care, that's going to affect the whole health care system. Emergencies happen because of delayed care."

Despite the stress and forced isolation, they find moments of joy growing their own food in their garden, and stay busy by working to reduce the local feral cat population through Trap-Neuter-Return practices.

They break their isolation monthly to meet at a park with a close-knit circle of friends who take similar safety precautions -- they're all masked, socially distanced and have tested beforehand.

"That's really the only way for me to meet strangers and also to make new friends," Hill said.

Mask bans would further bar immunocompromised people from public life, according to Hill.

Such bans "make it unsafe for us to exist," Hill noted, because people may feel pressure not to wear masks when they're sick or if immunocompromised people are worried about backlash for doing so.

With more people testing positive for COVID this summer, and with the fall and winter virus season ahead, Hill says society's "new normal" should involve free testing, vaccines, access to at-home antiviral therapy paxlovid and flexible hybrid working options to mitigate the spread of illnesses.

"We need a new normal, and a new normal that is equitable for everyone, and that not only prioritizes high risk people, but that also reduces infection overall," Hill said.

COVID concerns for the immunocompromised population Immunocompromised people -- about 3% of the adult population in the U.S., according to the National Institutes of Health -- continue to face potentially serious medical complications or death when it comes to COVID-19. Even for those who were not previously at risk now have seen life-changing heath impacts.

"Long COVID can happen to anyone, and I have certainly seen young, healthy, vigorous athletes have prolonged, debilitating symptoms from long COVID," Dr. Jeannina Smith, the medical director of University of Wisconsin's Transplant Infectious Disease Program, told ABC over the phone.

However, society has largely appeared to have moved on. The CDC stopped recording some COVID-19 related data and some politicians have proposed mask bans as a potential solution to crime.

"It takes us a step back for public health," Hill said. "We have other pandemics that are coming, and it's going to make it harder to reenact mask mandates if we need them in the future."

For the immunocompromised, regular society could seem like a minefield, according to Dr. Cassandra M. Pierre, the medical director of Public Health Programs and the associate hospital epidemiologist at Boston Medical Center.

She noted that people at higher risk for complications "are still, unfortunately, in our hospitals today. We see that they have this forced risk of going on to develop critical COVID or potentially even die. This is still occurring. COVID is still happening."

This is all happening despite a better understanding of disease transmission and the information needed to be better equipped to empower communities to protect their health, Pierre added.

Patients have been harassed or mocked for wearing masks in public, Dr. Jeannina Smith noted, despite international and national medical organizations emphasizing the importance of mask wearing as a mitigation tactic for illnesses. Hill has experienced this first hand.

"You can't look at someone and know that they're receiving immunosuppression for an organ transplant or an autoimmune condition, and they remain at risk," Smith said.

"Even if you don't have individual risk, any person can still spread COVID to someone who has higher risk," she said. "In fact, much of the spread continues to be from asymptomatic person. The very idea that we would criminalize wanting to protect our fellow citizens is pretty horrific."

The federal government has recently changed its tune amid the summer COVID spike and is preparing for the upcoming fall and winter season by approving and granting emergency use authorization for updated COVID-19 vaccines and restarting its free at-home COVID tests program.

[drdemonprince]

my thoughts and values align with yours re: STIs and risk AND i keep coming up against resistance to the recent discussions as a high-risk person still living almost entirely isolated amidst the ongoing pandemic. and when i take a second to breathe and think, i realize these are not conflicting at all. the friction isn't that i view illness morally or that i think we should avoid all risk. it's that the majority of folks without question take precautions to reduce STI exposure but the majority of people no longer consider doing the so minorly inconvenient precautions to reduce the spread of covid, which i would argue is much riskier than STIs at this point. and it's so exhausting because then i have to, based on my risk analysis of covid, take way more precautions because no one else is looking out for me. community care and harm reduction are my biggest driving values and i grieve how absent they are around me. i just wanted to share in case others are feeling similarly while reading this discussion. you rock and i so hope i get to engage in a beautiful public kinky scene some day.

Hey, thanks so much for sharing and walking us through your thought process.

What I might add is that individual people might not seemingly put much effort into COVID mitigation anymore because they have next to zero institutional support in doing so. Many of my disabled friends have to work in areas with a high risk of COVID exposure: waiting tables, stocking grocery store shelves, working as home health aids or phlebotomists, or teaching in schools. Some of them are high risk themselves, but because they have no choice but to work in areas where their life is put on the line, they have very high stress decompression needs and feel already resigned to their disposability in society, and so they do also go out to bars with their friends or hold parties or visit clubs.

I also know people who are able to socially distance quite strictly, test regularly, are vaccinated and boosted, but who intentionally make plans to visit cruising spaces or gay orgies very rarely so that they can remain relatively safe COVID wise but also not kill themselves out of despair (I'm not being hyperbolic here, that's exactly what some people have told me are the competing risks they face when they balance COVID exposure against isolation. And I know that many high risk populations face these same severe negative mental health outcomes too -- in fact, I know high risk people who choose to go out in public at times in order to remain sane, but who have to sit with the fact that it could be a mortal danger to do so).

I also think about how the queer community came together in the fight against AIDS to make condoms available, to educate one another about safer sex practices or harm reductionist practices, to engage in sex together in risk mitigating ways (such as gloved fisting) and how they pushed for the government to make drug treatment available to them. I see a lot of queer and disabled advocacy groups doing similar work today to spread accurate data on COVID as best they can, promote masking, organize solely outdoor events, encourage vaccination, and remind people of the stakes.

And I see such a massive gap between the ways in which risk mitigation was made possible through such community efforts, and how catastrophically the government fails us regarding COVID. We are not given free tests anymore. Vaccines aren't free anymore either. It is no longer a state of emergency. Many of us have been forced back into in-person work at our jobs. Our unemployment benefits have been cut. Student loan payments are roaring back into action. Disability benefits and medicare's expansion is rolling back. We no longer have accurate testing and tracing data. Masks are no longer required.

If a person wants to behave responsibly regarding COVID, how are they even supposed to? They can wear a mask in public and not experience in-person community to the extend they might like or need. But they can't actually prevent themselves from getting or spreading the virus because they've been forced back to work. I understand many people do not even take these small steps to reduce harm and that it is dismaying and outrageous. And I think you have ever right to feel outraged by it. But I also think individual behavior flows from social support and institutional pressure, and nearly all of that is heading in the wrong direction right now.

And I think about how collective the push for better government interventions regarding AIDS was, and how much the push regarding COVID instead is focused on targeting individual people for the actions they've made within a very unsupportive context. It was not beneficial to view individuals who had bareback sex or shot heroin as the origin of HIV, and I don't think it's helpful to understand COVID as a phenomenon of individuals failing to mask now.

Granted, it took HIV activism YEARS to get to the point of ACT UP. And we're not so many years deep into COVID yet comparatively. Personally when I look at all these facts in context I see a population that largely did take COVID seriously for a time, but who, due to a mix of institutional failure, mass misinformation, risk resignation, and despair, no longer do so in their behavior.

I don't believe in moralizing emotions and I think from your perspective you're affected by all these factors PLUS the massive risk of developing Long Covid symptoms or worse. And I know you know and live all this shit already so forgive me for preaching to the choir. But I do want to gently push back against the idea that most people don't care about COVID the way they care about STI's. I believe our discourse on both has been horrifically poisoned by individualism, capitalism, and institutional failure.

Some articles I have written on the subject:

[macabretranceremix]

It does bother me how masking has been the only focus of a lot of posts about covid - not because masking isn't important like obviously it is, but you can still get or spread covid while masking provided the exposure is long enough and the mask isn't perfectly sealed (most aren't). A lot of these posts revolve around an almost guarantee that getting covid will lead to severe long covid eventually without taking in other factors like access to treatment, nutrition, and especially ability to rest and mitigate stress level, which are all hindered by capitalism in general. There's very promising research that suggests monoclonal antibodies can treat long covid, leading to sustained remission in severe cases. There is a new monoclonal antibody available for immunocompromised people called Pemgarda that was just given emergency use authorization about a month ago, but it costs around $6,000 without insurance because this is the American healthcare system so of course it does, and it does not appear to have been widely publicized. Rest has been identified as one of the most important factors in protecting against long covid, but good luck finding a job that will let you take enough time off to actually recover, considering how many jobs will even pressure you to work while sick.

I suppose what I'm saying here is that it's possible to imagine a world in which these treatments are widely accessible, not just for immunocompromised people but for everyone who might need it. It's possible to imagine a world in which a worker can take off as much time as they need to recover before going back to work without the stress of losing their job, their housing, or their ability to buy food, and where meals are provided to them while sick, and where testing is free. And in that world masking would still be important, but probably not to the life or death level it is now. Every time we talk about disability justice without that goal in mind, we do ourselves a disservice. We risk losing sight of the fact that it is the capitalist economy that makes disease so disabling, not just in the sense that disability is measured by ability to perform in capitalism but that it is a system that grinds us down to the point that our bodies cannot effectively recover while locking treatment away to all but the privileged few.

[loveisnotovertae]

Love is Not Over

✏️Taehyung x OFC ✏️Friends to Lover AU 🛑 Rated 18+ 📖WC:1964 ⚠️Mentally abusive and controlling ex, stalking, mention of anxiety cheating, COVID, drinking, drunk hookup, masturbation, oral, accidental marriage, accidental pregnancy⚠️

Mae always wanted to go to South Korea and visit all the places her Aunt and Uncle used to tell her stories about. So after catching her fiancè cheating, she did just that. Her two month trip turned into a permanent stay thanks to covid lockdown. A friendly neighbor turned best friend, who just so happened to be part of the biggest music group in the world. A drunken night that changed her life forever.

Chapter 14

Mae looked at the man sleeping in the bed beside her. The man who, even with a busy schedule, came over in the middle of the night to take care of her. The man who she accidentally married. The man whose arms she fell asleep in last night. The man who, despite her best efforts, had found his way into her heart.

The night she left Tyler, Mae decided to give up on love. It had hurt her once already and she never wanted to feel like that again.

But the moment Kim Taehyung walked into her life everything changed. He unknowingly had control over her mind, body and soul. No matter how high she built her walls, he found a way around them. No matter how many times she tried lying to herself, she’d fallen for him.

The past couple of weeks may have been stressful and scary, but just the sound of his voice made her forget about it all. She didn’t realize it until just a few minutes ago when Kimberleigh came to wake them up for lunch. Her sleep was peaceful and relaxing, just like it was when they slept in the same bed while in Jeju. Even after a night of drinking she felt the best she had in a long time.

The thought of falling in love again scared her. Was she in love with Taehyung? No, well, at least not yet anyways.

She could hear his and Jimin’s mothers in her head. Telling her once again that their marriage happened for a reason. Maybe it was a sign for her to finally break free, or her Aunt and Uncle’s spirits, pushing her to have some fun in life and take some risks.

“If this was your two’s doing, the least you could do is send me a sign,” she said to herself.

She laid there silently for a moment and waited. Just as she was about to give up, Taehyung put his arm around her waist and pulled her face first to his chest.

“Are you done staring at me yet?” he asked.

“How long have you been awake?” She tilted her head the best she could to look at him.

“Long enough for you to ask for a sign.” Taehyung opened one eye and looked at her. “Who were you talking to?”

“Noone,” she answered, face turning red from embarrassment.

“I don’t mean to sound like an asshole. But could you possibly get out of bed, get dressed and leave the room?” Taehyung removed his arm from her waist, allowing her to scoot away.

Mae scrunched her brows and looked at him, “It’s my fucking room. You leave first.”

Taehyung cleared his throat. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” Mae said, sitting up against the headboard.

“I…how do I put this without it sounding bad?” Taehyung sighed and rubbed his face. “I am a man…and sometimes when men first wake up…”

“Oh!” Mae watched his hand gestures while he tried to figure out what to say. “Taeconda has risen.”

“What?” Taehyung, shocked by what she’d just said, looked at her in amusement.

“I’ll go use the restroom and change in the closet while the two of you sort yourselves out.” She patted him on the shoulder, before getting out of bed.

“Aren’t you going to cover yourself up like you did last night?” he asked, watching her walk to the bathroom.

“Nope. It’s not the first time you’ve seen me in a bra and it won't be the last.”

The moment Mae closed the door she placed her hands on the counter and took a deep breath.

“The two of you better not be sending me mixed signals.” She looked up at the ceiling and whispered. “Because this is going to be fun yet extremely challenging for me.”

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┛

Mae was the first one downstairs, exiting the closet through the door that led to her room. She grabbed her things and laughed when she heard Taehyung in the bathroom. She couldn’t understand any of the muffled words, but judging by his tone and how fast he was talking there was definitely cursing involved.

She yelled to him from the doorway that she was leaving before shutting her door.

Once she’d finally gotten to the kitchen she was met with three pairs of curious eyes.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” Veronica said from her seat at the table. “Did you sleep well?” she asked, arching a curious brow at her.

“The sleep was good.” Mae replied, joining them at the table.

“Will Prince Charming be joining us or did you leave him tied up?”

“He’s not tied up, Ant.” Mae answered, putting some food on her plate.

“Such a shame.” Veronica sighed.

“I couldn’t find any rope so I used the handcuffs instead.” Mae said quickly before taking a bite of food.

The sound of her three friends choking on their coffees almost made her do the same on the food as she tried not to laugh.

“Oh, she’s a feisty one this afternoon.” D placed her face in her hands and smiled at Mae.

“She is, isn't she?” Kimberleigh added doing the same. “Maybe the two of them should sleep shirtless together more often, if she’s going to wake up in this good of a mood.”

“You were shirtless!” Veronica yelled, making the other three women jump at her outburst.

“Yes, we were.” Three of the women looked up to see a freshly showered, wet-haired Taehyung walking toward them. “You should’ve seen her. The moment you left the room she went crazy. She took off her shirt. I told her she couldn’t do that, it wasn’t decent. Then while I was trying to cover her up she pinned me down and ripped mine off.”

Mae laughed when she saw the look of shock on Veronica’s face. “Don’t fucking lie to her like that. You’ll give the poor woman a heart attack.” She turned her head to look at Taehyung when he sat down beside her. “Is that…is that my cardigan?”

“Yes, it is. I didn’t realize until after I got out of the shower that I didn’t grab one last night. You weren’t in the room so I just went into your closet and grabbed one. I hope you don’t mind. You did after all tear my other one to shreds.” he answered, sending her a playful smile and wink.

“You went in her closet? Alone?” D asked with wide eyes.

“You are a brave, brave man.” Kimberleigh mumbles into her coffee cup.

“Why? It’s just a closet.” Taehyung looked at the women in confusion.

“It is just a closet. But you open the wrong drawer and your image of innocent Mae will come crumbling down quickly.”

“One,” Mae looked at Kimberleigh and held up a finger. “I don’t keep those in my closet. They would be too far away in there. Two,” she held up a second finger and turned back to Taehyung. “How do I say this without it sounding bad..” she smiled using the same line he’d used earlier. “I am a woman, Tae. A woman who has needs, and sometimes I have to take care of those by myself.”

The four women watched Taehyung’s reaction while he registered what Mae was saying. They were amused as the confused look slowly faded and a mischievous grin took over.

He turned to look at Mae, “Tell me, do you use these secret objects after you’ve dreamt of me?”

“The ones up in my room? No, I haven’t used them in years and I need to throw them away. The ones back in Korea however…”

Mae trailed off, turned back to her plate and ate her food to hide her smile. She wasn’t sure what she found more entertaining, the look of shock and disbelief on her friends' faces, or the mixture of amusement and shock that Taehyung had on his.

“So, um Tae,” D cleared her throat, “Are you excited for the concert tomorrow?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Yes, very excited and a little nervous too. It’s the first in-person concert we’ve been able to have in almost three years.” he answered before taking a bite of food. “Are you ladies coming?”

“We are.” D said, taking her plate to the sink. “There’s no way in hell we’d pass up a chance to watch y’all perform live.”

“You mean I’m going to be home by myself?” Mae pouted.

“You’re cute when you’re being all pouty.” Kimberleigh patted Mae on the head when she walked past her. “Did you really think we’d let you stay home and miss your husband’s concert?”

“You got me a ticket?”

“Of course we did, Giant. Well actually Namjoon got you one.”

Mae looked over to Taehyung, “Did you know about this?”

“No, no I did not.”

“The night you arrived we were talking about the concert, while we got the food ready. Kimberleigh was telling them about how we’d gotten tickets and one of the suites for both shows. We didn’t want to leave you home by yourself, but we also didn’t want to miss the show.”

“As much as I would enjoy having Mae there, do you really think it’s a good idea?” Taehyung sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“You don’t want me at your concert?” Mae looked him up and down. “That’s fucked up, even if we weren’t married.” she said, picking up her dirty dishes and taking them to the sink.

“That’s not what I meant, Mae.”

“He’s just worried about your safety,” Veronica rolled her eyes. “We all are. But you don’t have to worry, Prince Charming. The suite is private, not just anyone can enter. Namjoon’s already talked with security and there will be a couple of guards with us. If she wants to, she can stay inside and watch the concert or she can join us on the balcony in the private seating area.”

Taehyung smiled, “Sounds like you guys have it all planned out. If Mae’s comfortable, I for one, would love to have her there and I know the other guys would too. If not, then she can stay here or in my hotel room. I’ll make sure she has security at either place; that way you guys don’t have to miss the show.”

Mae looked at the four other people who stood in the kitchen with her. The thought of being at the concert gave her mixed feelings. On one hand, she was nervous because she didn’t know how anyone would react if they noticed her. But then on the other hand, she’d be in a private area where she wouldn’t be seen by a lot of people and she’d always wanted to see the guys perform live.

“I’ll go,” she stated, nodding her head. “If there’s any problem, I’ll have the girls and security with me. So, you and the guys don’t need to worry,” she said, looking at Taehyung.

Taehyung smiled, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’ve always wanted to see you guys perform live.”

“Good,” Taehyung looked at his phone. “I have to go, my car is here. The next couple of days are going to be crazy.”

Mae could see the worried look in Taehyung’s eyes. “I’ll be fine, Tae. I won’t leave the house except for the concert. Evidently they,” she nodded to her three best friends, “have the head of your security on speed dial if anything happens.”

“She jokes about it but it's true.” Kimberleigh held up her phone for the two of them to see.

Taehyung and Mae both snorted out a laugh when they saw the contact.

“Bat Signal?”

“What else would we use to urgently get a message to a handsome man in a suit?”

[something-pithy]

Notes and an Update: Astarion, Tav, and Trauma in Stories

Pictured above: actual footage of trauma response from Astarion (j/k! kinda!) to catch your eye :D

Hey glittercats and cosmic kittens!

So I've definitely been neglecting the updates here, which I'm going to try to do better with.

We're up to Chapter 11 on this bad boy, and I've adjusted the anticipated chapter count to 30 (but honestly it's probably still all lies because I have absolutely no sense of how much writing each point on my outline ends up being loool).

I have a DOPE beta who's fucking amazing both in terms of conventions and idea partnership and I'm telling you right now, this story is so much better for having their hands and eyes on it.

SOME CONTENT WARNING STUFF RE: THIS CHAPTER:

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

.

.

.

MORE DETAILS ON THIS -- SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

So hopefully that's enough room for people who don't want to be spoiled to escape!

So I'm going to copy/paste the end note on the story, and expand on it a little bit.

So, although Tav is a "good drunk," as Frank Gallagher might put it, she is 1000% engaging in pretty serious substance abuse, or to be more specific in this chapter, alcohol use disorder. I'm not going to go into the way this story is going to approach mental and behavioral health disorders and trauma; hopefully it will speak for itself. Suffice it to say substance abuse and trauma are not the central subject of this story, but also, Astarion and Tav as they exist in this little pocket dimension of the BG3 universe have been impacted by the trauma they've each experienced both together and as individuals. In general, the impact of trauma can look and feel a lot of ways. Sometimes it's horrifying, sometimes it's heartbreaking, sometimes it's rage-inducing - but let's be honest, sometimes that shit is funny, too, because humor is such an incredible survival tactic / coping mechanism. Even if sometimes we're laughing at shit that shouldn't be funny. (Maybe especially then.) This story isn't going to be an after-school special or a PSA. It's a story about people, and sometimes people are fucked up (literally and figuratively). Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now. If this has activated you, or you have earnest questions or concerns about what's going on in this story / with these characters, or you just want to shoot the shit, hit me up on my tumblr. There might be more notes there on this eventually, but for now, this chapter actually took a lot out of me and I'm still out here with these perpetual COVID symptoms, so... lol NOT TONIGHT. As always, thank y'all for reading, kudosing, and commenting.

OK, so I may have lied about the no notes part... but honestly, in re-reading that note, I think it kind of gets to the point.

But ALSO...

I've been a geek on the internet for a long, long time. I've engaged with different fan-based writing and roleplaying communities (tabletop, chat-based, forum-based, butt-based -- EVERYTHING) for pretty much the entire time.

"The Tragic Backstory" seems like it's been A Whole Thing since people started creating characters whether for roleplay or stories.

I think times have changed somewhat, but back in the day I ran in circles where a lot of thoughts about writing, creating characters, roleplay, etc. coexisted somewhat peacefully, but an old chestnut that consistently (maybe without fail) turned up in any conversation that involved Writers of Quality was a contingent of folks who had deep disdain for The Tragic Backstory.

I'm talkin' some deep, scathing, elitist shit, my beautiful people.

And I'm not gonna lie to you! This is approximately ten thousand years ago (no but seriously, decades), and honestly, I was up in those conversations, too, throwing around my disdain, assured by my fellow elitists that even though I frequently employed some form of Tragic Backstory, it was OK when I did it because it was good.

I mean in retrospect, it's kinda bullshit. There's always gonna somebody who's gonna think your shit's good, and there's also always gonna be somebody who thinks they're a Better Writer Than You who's gonna think your shit is... well, shit.

Not gonna lie, I still have very strong and particular preferences when it comes to the fic I read in general, and that includes backstory.

But over time, I got progressively less insecure (not just about my writing, but in general) and consequently less concerned with judging writing that's not my flavor as "bad" or "shitty" or "juvenile" (looool seriously, I was a dick) and more concerned with finding and creating writing that is my flavor.

However, and I don't think I'm going to apologize for it, some dickish tendencies linger in my soul. I'm going to try and frame these thoughts in terms of what compels me in a story I'm reading and what I do (or try to do) in my own writing.

This is a very long way of saying if something I say (or have already said) makes you feel like I'm coming for your neck, please know that I'm not.

My thoughts and/or opinions may cause you or someone you love to feel Some Type of Way. That is not my intention. I have no desire to:

Yuck anyone's yum

Contribute to or activate the crippling self-doubt that plagues almost every creative I've ever met

Be a dick.

Having said all that, I do have Thoughts on This Matter.

People write for a lot of reasons, but I'm fairly convinced that nobody's doing it with any level of purity. There are tons of incredible, beautiful, moving stories that feature a whole-ass Self-Insert, maybe even the dreaded Mary Sue.

(lol lookin' at you Dante's Inferno, Tyrion Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire, and countless others lol)

People write to explore topics and themes that interest them, that compel them, that they see recurring in the world around them and/or their own lives.

One of those things is trauma.

In my writing, I approach trauma, disordered behaviors, dysfunction, dysregulated emotions, etc. (topics both of great interest to me and, not coincidentally, ones with which I have a great deal of personal experience) from a place of wanting fervently to tell the truth.

And I'm pretty good writing some things that feel true.

But I know that in some ways, I've shied away from harder truths; from using my writing and the characters I create not only as reflections of what I see in the world, but as accurate (rather than idealized) reflections of myself.

Because of this, while I've explored redemption arcs in roleplaying games (where being cheesy or facile or juvenile or fulfilling personal fantasies felt much safer than on a page), I've skirted neatly around it, I think, in my writing (for the most part). Because I absolutely was the girl who wanted to "save" or "fix" the wounded (and emotionally unavailable, and/or abusive, and/or toxic) lover. I wanted stories about it. I wanted to roll around in that narrative, bathe in it, eat it up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

All while occupying the role/perspective of The Good One / The Good Girl whether in a game or in a story I was consuming.

But it's not the truth. Not the whole truth, at least. Not for me, anyway.

My admiration, respect, regard, and all the other good words for the writing and acting in Baldur's Gate 3 cannot be overstated. Each of the "origin" characters (and honestly, any character "Tav" has the opportunity to even have a conversation with, much less spend a significant amount of time with) is thoughtfully and truthfully written. I see this more in some than others, but that depth and breadth of understanding about human beings -- sorry, sentient beings -- shows up all over the place and honestly I almost can't stand how much I love it.

I'm not going to say that there's no character I feel this as deeply with as Astarion, but... idk, sometimes.

But there's no need to quantify this. Astarion is one of a number of characters from the game that I'm low-key obsessed with.

As such, when I decided to take on the story outcome in which, in my opinion, he throws all the growth, all the processing, all the truth and reconciliation I saw him moving toward in the game into a fucking woodchipper, I did not want it to be easy.

I get wanting it to be easy, and there are delicious, delicious fics out there that go this route. I think anybody who writes Ascendant Astarion at least flirts with it.

And it's not a binary; it's not either, "OMG this is completely uncomplicated, I love you I'm your spawn and it's just like if you hadn't ascended except your SUPER EXTRA POWERFUL AND SEXY AND HOT AND WHOOPS THERE GO MY PANTIES" (which, tbh... lool I'm not mad at) or "ASTARION IS IRREDEEMABLE LET ME WRITE OF HIS TRAGIC DEMISE AND TAV'S TRAGIC WITNESS TO IT / ENGINEERING OF IT." Which I'm ALSO not mad at, because THOSE THINGS CAN BE TRUE.

But while I'm subscribed to some stories that follow those paths or ones like them, and when I get that notification it's time to STOP THE PRESSES bc mama needs to READ, for me the challenge of this is if I'm going to continue Astarion and Tav's love story (or rekindle it lol), I want to honor the four years of intense character work Neil Newbon and Stephen Rooney and honestly the whole goddamn BG3 team from soup to nuts have done by considering "What would really happen here" as brutally as possible.

Komo, my incredible thought partner-cum-beta, can tell you about the pages of back and forth between us about "fml, how can we make this story work and maintain fidelity to the integrity* of these characters???? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

*not personal integrity -- meta shit. The integrity of their arcs, development, personalities, histories, traumas, etc.

SO. Back to trauma.

I said in my end note for chapter 11 that this story is not an after-school special (which looool probably at least some of you are like wtf are you talking about my dude and I'm like looooool omg life before kids were a whole target demographic unto themselves - kind of lol) or a PSA.

Which alludes to the fact that YES, I want to tell the truth about the ugliness of this relationship and the individuals in it with nuance and empathy and sensitivity; that I want to write about the pain and harm and longing and ache and all of it in ways that are neither hyperbolic nor diminishing.

But also, look, my darling motherfuckers, my comrades in fuckery, whoever's made it this far into this rambling monster of a -- whatever the fuck this is lool -- PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRAUMA ALSO HAVE FUN.

SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN THEY ARE ENGAGING IN BEHAVIORS THAT ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS.

I don't think I've sufficiently unpacked this part to dig down much deeper into it, but what I will say is that this is not going to be a passion play about Poor Tav or Drugs Are Bad, Mmkay? or anything else.

What this is going to be (or at least, what I passionately want it to be) is -- framed with a delicious little fake-dating muffin of an emotional MacGuffin -- a portrait of some people in all (or lordt jebus please let me achieve at least MOST) of their complexity.

ALL OF IT.

Lordt Baby Jebus, Allah, Milal, Great Spaghetti Monster, ANYBODY

(not Lolth lol)

hear my prayer!

Aight, that's all I've got for today. <3

If you made it this far, PM me and tell me something you want to see in the story! I'll make you a treat.

And if it don't fit in the story, I might be able to make a li'l drabble happen.

COMING SOON to Writing Notes Storytime:

Identity in this story and in stories in general

The Good, the Bad, and the Neutral: Alignment and Astarion (and some other ppl, too!) in BG3, DnD, and This Story lol

Stuff I'm forgetting bc I'm STILL not over this never-ending COVID fuckery

[lancedoncrimsonwings]

hi I think I know what might be your medical issue?

Long story short I am in a server where you talked about your “mystery” dysautonomia a while back (I was looking for another comment and saw that one) and I have the exact same symptoms, tho slightly milder at their worst. I have hyperadrenic POTS, a rare subtype of POTS where bp goes UP when triggered rather than down and which is caused by an overproduction of stress hormones in the body rather than solely a lack of vein strength or fluid production. I take propranolol for it, because hyperPOTS means chronic high blood pressure and the prop also helps w the heart rate. POTS is also oftentimes comorbid with nerve issues, especially hyperPOTS, since hyperPOTS can oftentimes be caused by stuff like damage to the brain stem. A lot of docs and cardiologists don’t know abt hyperpots cus it was super rare until covid hit, and I only got my diagnosis after seeking out a specialist bc 8 doctors and 2 ER trips had everyone scratching their heads. I’d be fine then I’d stand up and my bp would hit 170/100 and my HR would be 130. I’m sorry you’re dealing with medical issues and sorry for just dropping this in your inbox but I KNOW how scary and frustrating these situations can be. Hopefully this points you in the right direction??? Idk I’m no medical professional but that sounds like what I have.

Hi Anon!

I am personally grateful you did reach out, but I do have to put a statement here that I don't want people to reach out with unsolicited medical advice, please ask if its ok first!

I am happy to openly talk about my disabilities, BUT NOT EVERY DISABLED PERSON IS.

In my case, due to medical gaslighting I have medical PTSD, and sometimes even without it when people give unsolicited advice it can feel like I'm being told I'm not trying hard enough. (In reality, I'm on the losing end of the postcode lottery with a severely underfunded NHS and no ability to go private, with doctors that do not listen or care, whilst struggling alone against these debilitating and life altering symptoms.)

I do not remotely think you are doing that, Anon, and again I'm grateful for your ask, but such is the way I have to put a disclaimer up.

With that out of the way!

I have suspected HyperPOTs for a while, sadly my doctors have no interest in exploring further, they won't do the tests, they won't test my cortisol, they won't look into it, and given they have labelled me histrionic in the past I can't risk pushing more than I have.

I have tried propranolol in the past and sadly didn't get on with it, due to comorbidities, but have general sinus tachycardia (I meet criteria for IST, as my average HR over 24hrs is 99-110, anything over 90 is considered IST but I don't have an official diagnosis of it. My HR does come down to the 70-80s when asleep, but awake its usually over 100bpm. Case in point, its currently 137 and I'm only sat at the desk at work, alone, writing this)

The diagnosed they did give me were Vasovagal syncope and I have occasional episodes of SVT. (Documented) My official Dysautonomia diagnosis (Vasovagal Syncope aside) is "disorders of autonomic nervous system". I mean. Vague and nondescript as it is, it's fairly accurate I suppose.

High cortisol would make sense, given my cPTSD, or some form of adrenal fatigue in general. I do also have MECFS, ADHD, and we suspect EDs- all VERY commonly comorbid conditions with Dysautonomia in general. If I do indeed have Ehlers Danlos syndrome, (in referral stage atm) then this could be the overall cause, connective tissue disease resulting in a general brainstem dysfunction. (Which would explain the nerve problems, the numbness, sporadic muscle weakness, the Non Epileptic Seizures, severe motion sickness, episodes mimic the signs of stroke- potentially silent migranes, etc etc etc etc...)

Causes are great to know, and I wish I had the luxury of even that, but I suppose in the end they still give me little to no hope of treatment given there isn't really any that I'm not already doing, they will never offer me anything else. So long as MS remains ruled out, I'll be happy enough to survive with the mediocrity I get from my doctors.

Hopefully I get some answers one day. I don't imagine I really will, though.

Dysautonomias are awful to deal with and I hope that yours is tolerable, Anon. May you have many low symptom days!

(Sorry if this rambling mess made no sense!)

[blackbird-brewster]

Might be MIA for a few days. One of the household members tested covid-pos (again) and I am already showing symptoms too. I am absolutely furious about how this is playing out.

COVID RANT BELOW THE CUT

Doom Them and I both had covid in March and during the entire TWO WEEKS we were symptomatic, we managed to keep their parents from getting it due to extremely specific cleaning and sanitisation practises, especially in the common areas of the house like the kitchen.

So we already know it is FULLY possible to isolate while sick in our household of four.

But no. Their dad has had a cold all week and he's just coughing and sneezing everywhere and doesn't wash his hands or wipe down common surfaces or anything. So of course mum is sick now too.

And no matter how much I've tried to keep away from them and clean everything before I use it -- I've got symptoms now.

Just such a shit show. I'm the most vulnerable in our household and like, what? They couldn't even wipe down counters and clean their hands as the bare minimum to try and keep me safe?!

I just feel so frustrated. I never go out and if I do, I'm always in an N95 and hyper vigilant about sanitisation and hand washing and such. I have been completely home bound since the pandemic began because it is the ONLY way for me to protect myself, especially in the past two years when the world stopped caring about the pandemic.

It's so fucking isolating and I often feel gaslit by the world at large who says I'm being paranoid with how vigilant I am about when/where I go if I leave the house. Unfortunately, Doom Them (who is also high risk) has to work in an environment with hundreds of teens who have zero hygiene practices. And while Doom Them wears an N95 all day at work and tries to keep to themself, they still got covid in March (then I got it too)

If I test positive this week -- it will be my THIRD time. All from household members passing it to me. Doom Them tried their absolute best to prevent it, but they got it from careless coworkers who went to work sick. The other two household infections came from tehir parents, who go out to shows, and movies, and cafes with friends all the time without masks or any other precautions -- then they bring covid home.

I'm not even safe in my own home. It's so fucking stressful and lonely. I'm so fucking exhausted.

[theboardwalkbody]

Bert McCracken announced a mini solo tour at the end of October/beginning of November. I am in the worst part of nursing school. The show closest to me is on a Wednesday night and Thursday mornings I need to be up at 5am.

And you know what - I am BEYOND sick of how many times nursing school has made me have to miss seeing The Used (evidently I only go to shows where Bert is anymore lol). I had to miss their two-night album anniversary tour. I had to miss another that was right before covid (so that's technically three shows), and I missed another that was right after a semester ended but I was broke (*note - still extremely broke and this is a frivolity I should not be purchasing).

So I bought the ticket anyway.

I am in a bad place mentally, I am already burned out a week into the semester and I am contemplating dropping out and can not see myself passing this course. I am entering severe depression levels despite my meds. The show is basically the only thing I am looking forward to for the rest of the year since I am feeling hopeless about passing.

Yes, I have a 5am wakeup the next day because I have clinical that day. BUT I kind of don't care. I'm used to going to bed at midnight and only getting 5 hours of sleep. I know the show will give me a mood and energy boost and I'm sure I'll be riding the high of it for the next day. AND that particular clinical is the last one. (so we may or may not get out early - i doubt we will but there's always a chance). So you'd be insane to think I would miss a show just because it was on the eve of the LAST clinical.

Provided I pass the final exam - Preceptorship starts the following Thursday. It's going to be two 12 hour unpaid shifts a week for the next four weeks. On top of that I will need to go to ACTUAL work during that time (which HOPEFULLY works out because I don't get to make my preceptorship schedule, it's based on the employee's schedule and I may not be able to find work on the days I would have off). That also means I may be 'working' for 48 hours a week from November to December. That's going to suck so bad. The show being when it is will kind of be like a little treat to help boost my mood to make it through that last month.

My final exam is the week after. I am 10000000% going to be stressed AF (and this level may increase if my grades up until this point aren't high enough to make me feel comfortable). I can not explain how badly I will NEED something positive in my life at this point without alarming my therapist.

The timing of this show is actually insanely significant and beneficial. It will give a little boost for the final leg of the semester/program. It acts as a treat to help me reset from the stress of September - November. It is like a reward for the work I will have done up until that point, as well as being a sort of pre-celebration for passing, making it to that point, and PROVIDED I pass that final on the 9th, I technically will have passed nursing school and just have to put in the time for preceptorship. It also helps as a de-stressor to help me try and be a little bit calmer for the final.

The timing is paramount.

(If I have already failed out or am in significant risk of failing out or if my entire grade relies on getting a high grade on the final so the likelihood of failing out is high.... we will have bigger things to worry about regarding my mental health than the show can handle, to be very honest with you and at that point I very likely wont be going for one reason or another while I take care of that because I'll probably be too emotionally catatonic to even care - which is significant because it's Bert and I love him a disgusting amount lol).

[eggmarmalade]

Rant incoming

I did all of the housework today, no questions asked, because I know I've been away for days and boyfriend (teacher) is at the end of term and probably needs some relief.

After dinner I say there are 3 small tasks remaining. Give him the choice of the bigger 1 or the little 2. He chooses the little 2 (literally putting 4 items in the dishwasher and turning it on, and making us a cup of tea).

I do my job there and then. An hour later he hasn't moved to do his.

Half an hour after that he come upstairs and asks do I still want a tea. I say yeah, please.

We then get distracted composing together a difficult text to a friend saying "while we would like to see you we cannot let you stay while you have COVID. We are particularly susceptible to it and can't risk that." Understandably stressful social moment.

He then flops on the bed, huffing loudly. Not saying anything, but his body language is very clear.

I coax him "Why don't you go finish your jobs so you can just go to bed?"

After a couple of prompts he gets up, does the dishwasher, cleans his teeth, and then gets into bed. Does not say a word to me.

We also usually play with the cats just before bed. They are used to it and loudly meow for their playtime.

I am being meowed at. He is already in bed, scrolling through Instagram reels on his phone. I go and politely ask him if he is not up to a task, can he please let me know so I can mentally prepare myself to take it over.

He takes it as a personal attack, puts his hands to his face telling me "it's not the time" and tells me how hard it's been with me away for 4 days.

I say, still in a measured tone without raising my voice "this is why I need you to communicate with me what you do and do not have the spoons for"

He throws out a dramatic "okay" and buries his face on his hands.

I go to play with the cats, then come back and collect my belongings, saying I will sleep on the sofa as he is obviously not in a place to be reasonable right now.

He, visibly trying not to cry, just nods and lets me go.

And now I am sat downstairs livid. Like, rather than huffing about the house and dramatically flopping down onto the bed, maybe communicate with your partner that you need some help? That you don't have it in you? Use your fucking words you are not a toddler??? These tasks don't just disappear because you are tired we still need to divvy them up? And I am not even saying I won't take on a larger share, because I will, but please can you let me know when you need that from me??? And somehow my request was unreasonable????

What the fuck man

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

holy fuck it’s been a minute since i posted!

almost 1600 days as a matter of fact aka almost 4 and a half years. my last post was early december of 2019, so like 3 months before life as we knew it ended.

tldr at the end!

this blog was largely based around the adhd experience in school, so some school updates!

i was a senior in 2020 so i “graduated” that may and my entire first year and a half of college was 100% online so that was certainly…interesting. second semester of sophomore year they reintroduced a couple of in person classes, mainly ones where zoom was impractical to use, such as my ASL classes. so i was one of the first students back on campus and that was cool but also horrible and extremely stressful and difficult to navigate. i was already struggling with my grades but that just made it worse. i started failing classes left and right, and basically failed my entire junior year first semester. second semester junior year i had just completely given up but was still taking classes to please other people, i enjoyed the actual learning between my two degrees but i just couldn’t keep up with school and everything else in my life. and then this last fall i had signed up for classes two weeks into the semester bc i was originally planning to take the semester off so i was extremely behind….and then two weeks after that i found out i had to move to a different state and ended up having to drop my classes anyways.

that break really forced me to slow down not just in school but all aspects of life. i got “settled” about halfway through october just to have to spend about 50-60% of the next 5 months traveling to and from home and my new state for many reasons. as it stands currently, unless i wish to pay out of state tuition i have to wait until about february or march of 2025 before i can get enrolled in a local university.

HOWEVER, i have decided and am actively looking into EMT schools for the summer and am currently looking for a second job in order to save up for that and im extremely excited about it! ill finish those degrees later lmao.

now, for the not school related life update that will show yall just why i was gone!

as many of yall may know i was diagnosed with adhd at 16, so in 2018, and had just been figuring a bit of it out when i started this blog. i was working and going to school and dealing with a lot at home but it was manageable for awhile. junior year was stressful and then i got extremely sick right around when i stopped posting so i had ended up taking some time off from content in order to focus on that. then covid hit and my life completely crumbled. i was already in online school so i didn’t have to slow down or wait for my school to figure stuff out and was able to finish business as usual. i was living at the time, with my grandparents, mom, sisters, and brother in one house, so it was always chaotic but being stuck in the house became a nightmare. lots and lots of family drama came from that and we were all stuck there because of how at risk both my grandparents and mom were.

the summer rolls around and i end up finally able to leave the house and get another job. it was a shit job but it got me out of the house so that was worth it. my “best friend” and i had been searching for apartments together so id needed to save money and was actively buying things and scheduling tours until she told me with less than a weeks notice that she was moving states and shortly after that basically quit acknowledging my existence. between family stuff, struggling with the start of college online, and then that i was not doing well mentally. i was lucky enough to have a couple friends that saw this and made sure to constantly keep checking on me and getting me out of the house more and more.

and then we moved. my mom, sisters and i started looking for a new place to live winter of 2020. my health had also taken a serious toll. i couldn’t even sit up in bed without feeling dizzy and was fainting regularly and had to quit my job because it got so bad. january 6th i got a call from my dr to go to the er immediately after she got some lab results back (i watched the capitol riot live on tv in the waiting room!) and was hospitalized for a few days after that. i got released and that next day we toured a house and it ended up being the one we bought.

within a month we were moving into the new house, school was kicking my ass, and i was still struggling physically and it had taken an even bigger toll on my mental health.

at the end of my freshman year i got a puppy and he and my friend genuinely saved my life. that summer, our family dog passed extremely unexpectedly and i had to pay all the vet bills for that and it really damaged my finances. my brother moved in and my life got worse again. and then we rescued a 3 week old kitten and couple months later i started another job. and then quit that job because my health was declining once again.

spring of the next year my sister and i got a job at the same place, and life seemed to start to steady minus my failing every class i took and my mental and physical health continuing to decline.

by fall of that year, after a lot of struggling throughout the family and a lot of other issues, we collectively agreed we had no choice but to send my brother rehab. he went, got out, immediately relapsed and we decided he had to go live with his biological father. i was thrilled because my brother genuinely abused me and then i adopted another kitten for my birthday that year.

this situation led my mother and his father to reconnecting and a month later they were engaged, they got married about 6 months later and had a long distance marriage of my mom traveling back and forth between him and my brother and the rest of the family.

about 4 months later my best friend moved states and it really sucked. and then another couple months passed and we found out that despite my working 60+ hours a week on top of school, i wasn’t going to be able to make ends meet anymore as we lost one source of income that had been what we needed to make ends meet each month.

so we moved my sisters into our grandparents house again since they wanted to stay in that state to finish school as they had less than a year left, i packed my stuff and my pets and after months of wondering what i was going to do a room at the house my moms husband/his parents and family/my brother opened up and my brothers grandparents were gracious enough to let me move in without having to pay rent. apparently i was a better option than the alternative. my mom conintued to split her time between here and back home.

i unexpectedly had to make a trip with my best friend back home as an old friend had passed and we wanted to attend the funeral so we went home for a couple days. a week later i was back home once again for thanksgiving and birthdays during which i was present at the mall for black friday shopping w mom and grandma and experienced a mass shooting. and then thought my sister was shopping at the same mall w her boyfriend and damn near was running back in while on the phone with them when he corrected her and told me they were at the other mall……not at all traumatizing. and again three weeks later for christmas. january i was job searching and got a job early february…just to have to, you guessed it, make another emergency trip home! my sister had gotten into a snowboarding accident so we flew my mom back there that day and the next day my sister stopped breathing because she was medically overdosed so that was a very traumatic call to get. my best friend flew me back home about a week after her accident to help out, god bless him for buying the plane tickets and my boss for hiring me and immediately letting me leave town!

while back home, my other sister got engaged, and a month later we went on a family vacation. i’m now back at my new house again, planning my next trip back home for my sisters wedding in less than a month, and a second trip later in that same month for their graduation.

seriously, bless my boss for being so insanely understanding and flexible.

throughout all this time my grandpa has had a handful of major health scares so that’s been a constant concern. but they are moving out here after my sisters graduate! and my sister that isn’t getting married is going to school in another state, and the one getting married will obviously be moving in with her soon to be husband.

hopefully i’ll have a second job by early june, and will be able to save enough to start EMT classes by august.

i don’t know how i would’ve made it through the last few years without the friends i have. they’re genuinely the best people i know. and of course my dog and cats, my babies, the reason i get out of bed.

so, if you read that far, first of all, congratulations bc that was a lot! and second, if you think that was bad, just know i was only scratching the surface! yay me…

tldr: life has actually sucked so insanely bad the last 4.5 years and it is from the combined effort of a miracle from God and a couple of ridiculous lot stubborn friend and my pets (and multiple therapists! sandra, natasha, kennedy if you see this, you the real ones!) that i’m still here.

[liber-what-ia]

I was talking about this exact topic yesterday. It's not really about mental health, but it just goes to show how nowadays doctors just dogaf about a patient's well-being, ignoring therapies that actually help with the pain.

Like, I have an autoimmune pathology and all the doctors who visited me were all about stopping it from manifesting without giving a shit about making me feel better first.

It's nothing so debilitating, thank God (idiopatic arthritis manifested after a very long and blissful hiatus + overlapped with a severe bursitis and now I have a bad, aching elbow with very reduced mobility), but I go to doctors to feel better, not to be treated like a piece of meat to see what extremely aggressive therapy works best and more effectively.

First cure I was proposed was a kind of chemo. Fucking chemo for a bad elbow and in the middle of the pandemic too (2021). I said fuck you, I did this exact cure in the past when I was risking going blind, I'm surely not gonna take it cause my elbow is a bit stiff. There are other less invasive means you can try out which, by the way, could also help for the pain.

So I asked them if I could do something to enhance my mobility first and take the edge off the swelling and ache. Like physiotherapy, or maybe an infiltration for the bursitis (yeah, I'm not a doctor but I know what I'm talking about).

They just blanked out and gave me cortisone for MONTHS without caring about my covid shots appointments or giving me any indication about side effects. I had never taken cortisone in 23 years of pathology cause it's known to be mostly ineffective for it, but God forbid you have a personal medical history. Guess what, it did nothing if not stressing my immune system nad didn't help for the pain. It also prevented me from taking the one medication that actually helped with the pain.

This became a personal rant, but the point is that they didn't want to make me feel better. They just cared about getting the tiny numbers meaning my pathology was manifesting under a certain threshold as fast as possible without even caring about how dangerous or sensible the means they proposed were. And without giving a shit about my pain and distress. They didn't even ask about it and when I told them it hurt they just looked like "well, you're a patient, of course you're in pain" as if it were something they couldn't possibly solve.

Guess I have to thank our govt for thoroughly dismantling our public health system, cause I'm pretty sure this would've gone differently had I contacted and paid a kidney for private doctors.

im also a little bit extremely angry about the assumption - by my family or doctors or the government or whatever - that my number one priority wrt to my health would be anything other than "feel as good as possible"

it feels almost transgressive to say like "actually, if working isn't going to contribute to my quality of life, I don't care about it" and "The only reason I would want to reduce my amount of medication is if it's impacting my quality of life."

my neurologist said in our first appt like "obviously we want you to be on as few medications as possible" and i did not succeed in mentioning that, actually, i will take 50 pills every day for the rest of my life if it means i get to feel okay most of the time.

like i don't even really care about being healthy. "being as healthy as possible" is not my #1 priority. my #1 priority is feeling good, followed closely by being able to do things i want to do. 'taking fewer pills' and 'exercising' don't even make the list. those are not ends, those are means.