#And that's stressful for me even without covid risk

[sailor-cerise]

Remembering how my former favorite local coffee shop sent an email announcing they would be stopping all curbside pickup and changing from an outdoor pickup window with masked employees to exclusively inside to "bring the community back together" and dropping their mask wearing policy.

Fuck you. You have now excluded me from your community and put your employees at risk.

[rainbowsky]

In all my years of being a GGDD fan, I don't think any year has ever been better than this last one.

In the past I have watched them struggle and face incredibly difficult situations, be forced to spend almost all of their time apart, and deal with scandals and setbacks.

2024 was a year I could never have dreamed of for both of them. Watching them both thrive so well, take charge of their careers and their lives to a degree never before seen, and to have so much time for their personal lives - it's all I've ever wanted for them.

And you can see how well they are thriving, how much happier they are, how much healthier they are, and how much of themselves is stamped on every single thing they do.

I frequently see fans spinning negative fantasies about them, and it makes me sad. As if there isn't enough pain in the world, why generate more in your own mind?

A lot of turtles tend to overly romanticize 2018 and 2019 because they were the years that The Untamed was filmed, promoted and aired, and that's where a lot of our favorite GGDD content was born. I think that's rather self-centered and shortsighted. If we take five seconds to remove our rose-colored glasses, surely we can see how difficult those years were for them.

Yes, they got to work together for a few months, they got to spend some fun time together promoting The Untamed and even got to be somewhat open about their affection for each other in front of a crowd, but outside of that summer dream, they were both in pretty precarious positions in their careers, and both of them faced a lot of really gruesome anti attacks. Neither of them had very much control over their careers or their choices, and their management situations were atrocious.

We don't even have to talk about 2020. That was an incredibly difficult year. GG was the focus of one of the worst cyberbullying and nearly career-ending scandals that's been seen in that industry. He was being threatened, the people connected to him and the brands that he dealt with were being threatened.

Any time he tried to do anything in his career, whether it was an appearance or an endorsement, antis would come out in droves and protest until it was shut down. There were active organized hate campaigns whose entire purpose was to destroy his life and his career. People were trying to infect him with COVID, and there were other threats upon his life. Multiple times online hate campaigns tried to spread the rumor that he had died.

He couldn't go anywhere without people following him and chanting hateful slogans at him and trying to infiltrate the hotels he was staying at. It was terrifying.

DD was constantly overworked, exhausted, always on the move with barely any time to come up for air.

They had to spend most of their time apart, including some of the quarantine time, when DD was isolated so that he could begin filming LOF, right when the worst of the scandal broke. GG's grandfather died, and he faced so many personal burdens.

They did get some fun times together of course, and there were some huge successes for both of them, including GG's spectacular comeback at the end of the year with his sea of red for Tencent All Star Night. Even turtles worked to help ensure he had his red sea.

And GG and DD got to clown around and be silly as well, and they made a real effort to show us that they were getting through fine, they would be okay and that they were still the same people, still able to be happy. We got so much candy that year, and so many great LRLG messages as well.

But that was just a sign of their character and strength. Make no mistake about it, that was a difficult year.

The intervening years between then and now have been a bit of a mixed bag. There were a lot of COVID frustrations (scheduling issues, Kafkaesque hoops to jump through, inability to travel outside the country, risk of ending up in a prolonged lockdown, inevitable health stress), they had to spend a lot of time apart and there were more and more crackdowns on the entertainment industry, on the queer community and on fandom culture, which made things feel positively dismal and oppressive - at times even scary.

However, it's undeniable that things have been gradually improving for them. They've both been building more and more autonomy and control in their careers, and building more respect from audiences and within the industry. They've both been prioritizing their personal lives more and more. And yes - they've BOTH been looking happier, more relaxed, more balanced.

I've talked about that a fair bit over the past couple of years. Most recently in this post.

Looking at 2024, they have had so much more free time in their lives, have been able to spend so much more time together in the same city, have spent time with each other wherever they were filming, and even got to travel and spend some fun downtime outside of China.

They are in such powerful positions compared to even a couple years ago. They have made great connections and worked on some amazing projects.

GG has been working with some of the top directors on some of the most anticipated projects in C-ent. He recorded an entire solo album and several music videos, and did all of that on his own time and on his own dime, and released it to critical acclaim and massive success with audiences.

He has been the talk of the globe in fashion circles and entertainment circles, and has been the face behind some of the most successful and exciting campaigns for some of the most prestigious brands in the world.

He got to travel a lot outside of China, and build on some of the great connections he's made over the years. He got to spend time with his parents traveling Europe!

He's given us so much incredible content with his vlogs and photo sets. It's just mind-boggling how much he's given us over the past couple of years.

DD took initiative to propose and participate in a documentary series where he got to explore interesting locations and engage in some of the most extreme outdoor activities. What could possibly be more exciting for someone like him?

He got to work with a team of conservationists who are fighting to save pangolins, and filmed a documentary there as well. Knowing him, that has to be one of the most rewarding things he's ever done in his life.

Both documentaries were highly acclaimed and award-winning.

Speaking of awards, he debuted as a film star and has been nominated for all of the top awards in China both for his film work and his drama work!

He has signed a new contract with his management company that will certainly have put him in a very powerful position in the company as their top breadwinner. He has been exceptionally successful with endorsements, holding more endorsements than anyone else in C-ent.

He got to play tennis on the top of The Great Wall with one of the top players in the world (regardless of how much I despise Djokovic).

He got to be an Olympic torch bearer! He is the ambassador for multiple high profile organizations and projects.

He earned his auto racing license, joined a racing team and finished in first place in his first ever auto race!

Make no mistake about it, they are both now solidly calling the shots in their own lives and careers, they are living their best lives, and they are both happier than I have ever seen them in all of these years.

And much more healthy! Just take one look at them and you can see how much healthier they both are. They've been playing a lot of sports and doing a lot of active outdoor activities together, and it shows in how much happier and healthier they are.

Frankly anyone who can't see that has their head stuffed firmly in a moist dark place.

I urge everyone to center GG and DD in all of our fandom explorations, theories and interpretations. The reality is that the more that they get to focus on their own lives and careers and personal freedoms, the less candy and CPN we're likely to see. We should be happy for them rather than try to spin sad tales about it.

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

I can't stress this enough. WE'RE STILL IN A PANDEMIC.

I DON'T CARE THAT THE GOVERNMENT SAYS. I DON'T CARE WHAT THE US DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH SAYS. WE'RE STILL IN A PANDEMIC.

People that were high risk are still high risk, including immunocompromised people, people with high blood pressure, and people with clotting disorders.

Like my boss, his wife, and friends of the family all got sick. I still can't get my allergy medication at the grocery. I had to order that shit from Amazon. That major sucked.

I still wear a mask. Because even though I'm on my... second booster? Getting COVID even though I had my first booster was the sickest I've ever been.

People are still getting long COVID which makes them high risk for this fungal infection outbreak as of recent.

Wear your damn mask. (Also I work remote. Because people are fucking gross. All of you people going to work without your mask are fucking nasty)

"But Fae. I can't breath." Bitch. When I get my hair done I'm easily there for... 4 hours? I can barely breath without a mask (I'm working with an ENT and allergist on that). I still wear a mask the entire damn time. Because I'm not fucking nasty spreading my goddamn germs everywhere like all of you. You're goddamn disgusting and you should all be fucking shamed for it. Keep your FUCKING cooties to your FUCKING self.

I don't care if people give me that goddamn look that people give every time I express a systemic issue. You're goddamn gross and I'm fucking judging you.

-fae

[i-still-mask-because]

in the wake of all this new information during COVID, do you feel that maybe we should all just be masking all the time, COVID of no COVID? I mean it can't be the only airborne disease out there and immunocompromised ppl have always and will always exist so like. Following that thinking even if we don't have COVID we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right? Idk I'm stressing a lot about this do I just need to wear a mask outside forever cos. Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues and stuff but. I don't wanna?? Kill people by accident??? Aaaaa

Hello, thanks for reaching out about this.

I saw this ask about a month ago, and I needed time to think about how I'd respond to it (so I want to thank you for the patience!).

I'll try to answer all of this to the best of my ability, and I thought I'd answer this by going backwards (responding to the last things you said and then moving up with responding to the first things you said).

Everything is below the cut because this is very long!

First I'll try to summarize what I think you're asking here:

"Vulnerable people exist in this world all around me, therefore does this mean I'm constantly posing a threat to those vulnerable people's safety when I don't mask? The thought of this brings me feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety."

I find this is hard to answer candidly without risking stressing out you or anyone else who's aware of the consequences of their choice not to mask. Nonetheless, my honest answer is: yes, choosing not to mask means risking the lives and safety of vulnerable people, i.e. the disabled, immunocompromised, elderly, children & babies, and those that intersect those groups. That risk can take place directly (such as interacting with an immunocompromised elder) or indirectly (such as interacting with the parent of a disabled child).

I also want to add that it's not only those groups that need protecting. I firmly believe that regardless of your age and/or whether or not you self-identify as disabled or immunocompromised that everyone is at risk of the long-term consequences of this rapidly mutating, vascular, and immunosuppressive virus. No one is invincible to this, and I'll add: not even if you're vaccinated (still get vaccinated if you can, but know that you can still catch covid & develop long covid regardless of your vaccination status).

1. "Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues."

I understand how that can be difficult to deal with, trust me. There are specific masks (such as most standard KN95s) that irritate the hell out of my face after a certain point. The way those specific masks brush against the hairs of my cheeks just make me want to rip the mask off my face completely. Finding alternatives has been a lifesaver, and they've allowed me to get through the day without wanting to maul someone lol. I don't know what masks you have tried out already, so I'll just recommend the one's I like as well as the one's I've heard good reviews on from people that also have sensory issues:

NIOSH 3m Aura N95 Respirators

Flo Mask

GATA Mask (Haven't tried this one yet, but I've heard a LOT of people say this has been a game changer for them because of how comfortable it is & how it doesn't trigger much sensory issues at all due to its silicone material. Probably the only con I've heard is the chance of the build up of moisture in the mask after a long period of use & water possibly dripping on your face— this happens to me sometimes with my Flo Mask. Edit on Sept. 26, 2023: I tried GATA Mask, and I personally have a tough time getting a comfortable fit & seal with it, even when getting the small/medium size for adults to see if it'll make a difference, and the nose bridge shape not fitting well for me is a huge con. Customer service is just suggesting I spend more, so I'll just give this one a break, for now at least. A lot of other people seem to like it though.)

Halyard FLUIDSHIELD [ASTM Level 3] Mask (My mom works in a hospital, and these are masks she brings home from work. They're VERY comfortable for me, especially when I'm masking at home. I recommend finding a way to tighten the loops that go around your ears to prevent as much gaps around the mask as possible. If tight loops hurt your ears easily, I recommend a mask brace.)

O2 Nose Filters (I haven't tried these out yet as well, but I've seen videos demonstrating how effective these are at filtering out SOOO many unseen particles. I don't recommend using these alone of course, because there's still a risk of inhaling harmful aerosols through your mouth. I would recommend using this as a reinforcement of the protective measures you take. For example: adding on a comfortable surgical mask— ideally one with a high filtration efficiency like the previous suggestion— with the nose filters. I think these nose filters would be great if you're removing your mask real quick to take a sip of water or if you're outdoors with enough distance from crowded areas & groups.)

In the ideal world, more people would mask during this on-going pandemic so those that deal with sensory issues and/or those that straight-up can't wear a mask due to medical reasons wouldn't have to worry so much about choosing between existing & risking their health. For now, we just have to find alternatives.

2. "Do I need to wear a mask outside forever?"

My answer to this is: yes until further notice. There's no foreseeable end to this pandemic right now, but it would be worth the patience to wait for adequate tech, treatment, and cures for covid-19 to be released before even thinking about getting loose with masking.

Societal mandates have been dropped way too soon, and public health in regards to covid-19 is being forced on us as an individual responsibility. As a consequence, this gives this rapidly mutating virus a lot of wiggle room to spread and do whatever it wants. This means doctors and experts don't have much answers yet for adequate treatment because there's a MAJOR lack of containment (such as masking & quarantining) and documentation (such as testing & reporting). This isn't to say there hasn't been any advancements whatsoever: for example, Washington University just developed a breath test for covid that gives results in just 1 minute! This is great news! And this is just one reason why it's very necessary for those who can mask to mask, so scientists are given more time to roll out helpful solutions & tools sooner.

Another thing I'll add is if you're symptomatic and/or are positive for covid, you should 100% be wearing a mask no matter what, point blank period. I say "and/or" because it is VERY much possible to have covid and not experience any symptoms at all; this is a major reason why it's necessary to mask up in public consistently, because you can't always know who you bump into that may have covid or not.

3. "Even if we don't have covid, we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right?"

Yes, there is a possibility of spreading airborne diseases to vulnerable people unknowingly— without the protective & preventative tools that is.

I can only speak for America because that's the cultural zeitgeist I grew up in, but: I feel like many of us can agree that, unless you worked in a healthcare setting, what was "normal" (in America) before 2020 when it came to airborne illness prevention was definitely not the regular use of a mask. American health education mainly taught us if we're coughing & sneezing to try to do so in a tissue or into your elbow, as well as frequently wash our hands. That doesn't account for the way air actually works though. For instance, if someone with the common cold coughed into the inside of their elbow, the particles they coughed out are still able to linger in the air because their elbow isn't creating a tight seal around their mouth (their elbow may have caught the droplets from their cough— which are bigger & heavier— but the smaller, lighter aerosols would just spread around similar to how smoke does); it's the difference between 😪 vs 😶‍🌫️. The only sure way for the germs they've coughed out to be blocked from spreading to other people is if they wear a well-fitted, quality mask/respirator.

I feel like health education from a young age should include the benefits of masking; that way it would be easier to adapt to the need to put on a mask to protect ourselves & others as a collective. It would be phenomenal & wonderful if we as a collective were used to masking the same way we're used to putting on socks before putting on our shoes.

4. "Immunocompromised people have always and will always exist"

Yes, that is true. And that means necessary measures taken to protect them, as well as other vulnerable people, should be the standard.

5. "[Covid] can't be the only airborne disease out there"

Of course not. There's plenty of them. However, not all airborne diseases are the same, nor should they be treated as such. What's been observed in regards to the long-term effects of covid is not at all the same with other airborne diseases. Covid is a highly contagious virus that is more than just a respiratory disease. Its goal is to attack your immune system, nervous system, heart, brain, and/or other vital organs. That's what viruses do. They act smart and sneaky, and they have the capability to trigger illnesses in your body that you may not have had pre-infection:

Chickenpox is known to lead to shingles

Epstein-Barr is known to lead to mono

HPV is known to lead to cancer

Covid-19 has been found to lead to:

POTS

ME/CFS

Stroke & Heart attack

Alzheimer's

Dementia

"Brain Fog"; Memory & Concentration Problems

The list goes on, and these are only what we know of. Covid may not be the only airborne disease, but it definitely is a dangerous one with serious, long-term negative effects.

6. "Do you feel that we should all be masking all the time, whether or not covid-19 exists?"

In regards to masking with the existence of covid:

Yes. Masking is a vital method in the prevention of catching & spreading covid-19, because it is primarily spread through the air.

In regards to masking without the existence of covid:

See my answer for number 3, and also: given the fact wearing a mask can only do more good than harm for most folks, I don't see why not. Imagine a world where we don't have to worry about flu season or allergy season anymore because those aerosols are filtered out from consistent mask wearing. Sounds like the dream to me lol.

-

I hope this made sense! If anyone has anything they'd like to add to answer anon's questions, please feel free to share!

Thank you for reading 😷

[covid-safer-hotties]

COVID isolation continues four years later for some residents at higher risk - Published Aug 30, 2024

Sara Anne Willette has spent more than 1,620 days in isolation since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The New Jersey resident took health precautions in public before the pandemic because of her common variable immunodeficiency, which means she doesn't make enough antibodies to fight infections.

Simple tasks like going for a walk down the street or taking a trip to the grocery store are laden with safety hurdles and anxiety for Willette.

Stressful tasks, like moving from Iowa to New Jersey during the pandemic for her husband's new job, are now even more taxing. The two drove overnight to avoid crowds at gas stations and rest stops, and she's prepared to do it again. The substantial health precautions in her day-to-day life are forcing her and her family to pack up their life once more and look for a new home in the countryside.

"I'm angry that society is largely inaccessible and I have to risk my life for the bare minimum, like medical care," Willette told ABC News in a phone call. "Why live in civilization if all of it is completely inaccessible?"

More than four years after the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, Willette is among the immunocompromised and disabled Americans who've complete changed their way of living to survive.

Her anger was tinged with disappointment as she talked about how the rest of the world has gone back to normal despite the hundreds of people across the country dying from COVID-19 each week amid a summer surge of the virus.

COVID-19 has also been a debilitating event for tens of millions of people who have or are currently experiencing long COVID, which in some cases has been defined as a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act. With some lawmakers beginning to propose mask bans in hopes of reducing crime, it's no longer an option for some to live life normally among the rest of society.

Willette was among the people ABC News checked back in with after previously talking to them about isolating two years after the pandemic began.

Finding a new normal There are simple joys that Willette misses: having a garden, running, walking, letting her dogs run without a leash and drinking coffee on a porch.

She's planning on moving to the mountains -- somewhere between New Hampshire and Virginia -- and gaining enough acreage to allow her and her family to embrace the activities they lost during the pandemic. However, being alone out in the countryside isn't the goal for Willette.

Rather, she intends to build a pathogen-aware community. That means buying enough land so other disabled, immunocompromised or health-conscious able-bodied people who don't want to get COVID-19 can join them and create a home of their own.

"We want something that feels like normal but is set up in a way that we decrease harm for everyone in the community," Willette said. "We can't do that in an urban area or even in a suburban area. There are too many risks."

Her mother and mother-in-law intend to move and join Willette, her husband and her son on the property as well.

For Charis Hill, a California resident who has a systemic inflammatory disease and takes immunosuppressive medications, it's been hard to access an in-person doctor's appointment since many safety precautions for COVID-19 are no longer being taken in medical care facilities.

As someone with "high-level medical needs," the lack of COVID precautions has even made seeking routine care a challenge.

"Just the fact that a medical environment that is supposed to know what a virus can do, most medical environments no longer require masking, and that's what makes it unsafe for people like me to go, for anybody to go," Hill told ABC over the phone.

"The impact of the delayed care, where people can't go get routine care, that's going to affect the whole health care system. Emergencies happen because of delayed care."

Despite the stress and forced isolation, they find moments of joy growing their own food in their garden, and stay busy by working to reduce the local feral cat population through Trap-Neuter-Return practices.

They break their isolation monthly to meet at a park with a close-knit circle of friends who take similar safety precautions -- they're all masked, socially distanced and have tested beforehand.

"That's really the only way for me to meet strangers and also to make new friends," Hill said.

Mask bans would further bar immunocompromised people from public life, according to Hill.

Such bans "make it unsafe for us to exist," Hill noted, because people may feel pressure not to wear masks when they're sick or if immunocompromised people are worried about backlash for doing so.

With more people testing positive for COVID this summer, and with the fall and winter virus season ahead, Hill says society's "new normal" should involve free testing, vaccines, access to at-home antiviral therapy paxlovid and flexible hybrid working options to mitigate the spread of illnesses.

"We need a new normal, and a new normal that is equitable for everyone, and that not only prioritizes high risk people, but that also reduces infection overall," Hill said.

COVID concerns for the immunocompromised population Immunocompromised people -- about 3% of the adult population in the U.S., according to the National Institutes of Health -- continue to face potentially serious medical complications or death when it comes to COVID-19. Even for those who were not previously at risk now have seen life-changing heath impacts.

"Long COVID can happen to anyone, and I have certainly seen young, healthy, vigorous athletes have prolonged, debilitating symptoms from long COVID," Dr. Jeannina Smith, the medical director of University of Wisconsin's Transplant Infectious Disease Program, told ABC over the phone.

However, society has largely appeared to have moved on. The CDC stopped recording some COVID-19 related data and some politicians have proposed mask bans as a potential solution to crime.

"It takes us a step back for public health," Hill said. "We have other pandemics that are coming, and it's going to make it harder to reenact mask mandates if we need them in the future."

For the immunocompromised, regular society could seem like a minefield, according to Dr. Cassandra M. Pierre, the medical director of Public Health Programs and the associate hospital epidemiologist at Boston Medical Center.

She noted that people at higher risk for complications "are still, unfortunately, in our hospitals today. We see that they have this forced risk of going on to develop critical COVID or potentially even die. This is still occurring. COVID is still happening."

This is all happening despite a better understanding of disease transmission and the information needed to be better equipped to empower communities to protect their health, Pierre added.

Patients have been harassed or mocked for wearing masks in public, Dr. Jeannina Smith noted, despite international and national medical organizations emphasizing the importance of mask wearing as a mitigation tactic for illnesses. Hill has experienced this first hand.

"You can't look at someone and know that they're receiving immunosuppression for an organ transplant or an autoimmune condition, and they remain at risk," Smith said.

"Even if you don't have individual risk, any person can still spread COVID to someone who has higher risk," she said. "In fact, much of the spread continues to be from asymptomatic person. The very idea that we would criminalize wanting to protect our fellow citizens is pretty horrific."

The federal government has recently changed its tune amid the summer COVID spike and is preparing for the upcoming fall and winter season by approving and granting emergency use authorization for updated COVID-19 vaccines and restarting its free at-home COVID tests program.

[drdemonprince]

my thoughts and values align with yours re: STIs and risk AND i keep coming up against resistance to the recent discussions as a high-risk person still living almost entirely isolated amidst the ongoing pandemic. and when i take a second to breathe and think, i realize these are not conflicting at all. the friction isn't that i view illness morally or that i think we should avoid all risk. it's that the majority of folks without question take precautions to reduce STI exposure but the majority of people no longer consider doing the so minorly inconvenient precautions to reduce the spread of covid, which i would argue is much riskier than STIs at this point. and it's so exhausting because then i have to, based on my risk analysis of covid, take way more precautions because no one else is looking out for me. community care and harm reduction are my biggest driving values and i grieve how absent they are around me. i just wanted to share in case others are feeling similarly while reading this discussion. you rock and i so hope i get to engage in a beautiful public kinky scene some day.

Hey, thanks so much for sharing and walking us through your thought process.

What I might add is that individual people might not seemingly put much effort into COVID mitigation anymore because they have next to zero institutional support in doing so. Many of my disabled friends have to work in areas with a high risk of COVID exposure: waiting tables, stocking grocery store shelves, working as home health aids or phlebotomists, or teaching in schools. Some of them are high risk themselves, but because they have no choice but to work in areas where their life is put on the line, they have very high stress decompression needs and feel already resigned to their disposability in society, and so they do also go out to bars with their friends or hold parties or visit clubs.

I also know people who are able to socially distance quite strictly, test regularly, are vaccinated and boosted, but who intentionally make plans to visit cruising spaces or gay orgies very rarely so that they can remain relatively safe COVID wise but also not kill themselves out of despair (I'm not being hyperbolic here, that's exactly what some people have told me are the competing risks they face when they balance COVID exposure against isolation. And I know that many high risk populations face these same severe negative mental health outcomes too -- in fact, I know high risk people who choose to go out in public at times in order to remain sane, but who have to sit with the fact that it could be a mortal danger to do so).

I also think about how the queer community came together in the fight against AIDS to make condoms available, to educate one another about safer sex practices or harm reductionist practices, to engage in sex together in risk mitigating ways (such as gloved fisting) and how they pushed for the government to make drug treatment available to them. I see a lot of queer and disabled advocacy groups doing similar work today to spread accurate data on COVID as best they can, promote masking, organize solely outdoor events, encourage vaccination, and remind people of the stakes.

And I see such a massive gap between the ways in which risk mitigation was made possible through such community efforts, and how catastrophically the government fails us regarding COVID. We are not given free tests anymore. Vaccines aren't free anymore either. It is no longer a state of emergency. Many of us have been forced back into in-person work at our jobs. Our unemployment benefits have been cut. Student loan payments are roaring back into action. Disability benefits and medicare's expansion is rolling back. We no longer have accurate testing and tracing data. Masks are no longer required.

If a person wants to behave responsibly regarding COVID, how are they even supposed to? They can wear a mask in public and not experience in-person community to the extend they might like or need. But they can't actually prevent themselves from getting or spreading the virus because they've been forced back to work. I understand many people do not even take these small steps to reduce harm and that it is dismaying and outrageous. And I think you have ever right to feel outraged by it. But I also think individual behavior flows from social support and institutional pressure, and nearly all of that is heading in the wrong direction right now.

And I think about how collective the push for better government interventions regarding AIDS was, and how much the push regarding COVID instead is focused on targeting individual people for the actions they've made within a very unsupportive context. It was not beneficial to view individuals who had bareback sex or shot heroin as the origin of HIV, and I don't think it's helpful to understand COVID as a phenomenon of individuals failing to mask now.

Granted, it took HIV activism YEARS to get to the point of ACT UP. And we're not so many years deep into COVID yet comparatively. Personally when I look at all these facts in context I see a population that largely did take COVID seriously for a time, but who, due to a mix of institutional failure, mass misinformation, risk resignation, and despair, no longer do so in their behavior.

I don't believe in moralizing emotions and I think from your perspective you're affected by all these factors PLUS the massive risk of developing Long Covid symptoms or worse. And I know you know and live all this shit already so forgive me for preaching to the choir. But I do want to gently push back against the idea that most people don't care about COVID the way they care about STI's. I believe our discourse on both has been horrifically poisoned by individualism, capitalism, and institutional failure.

Some articles I have written on the subject:

[clunelover]

Time to complain about Jeremy’s mom. To recap - she is eerily similar to my mom, ie seems to have a personality disorder and views anything other than agreement to be totally enmeshed as a cruel rejection. And once Jeremy finally made it clear that enmeshment time was over, their relationship was kind of wrecked and they’re still trying to settle in an okay place (after a while of just not talking at all cause she was so mad about him discovering boundaries).

She lives in NY and we’re in WI so between the distance and their rocky relationship and her poor health and weirdness about money (her parents were early investors with Madoff, ie their "interest" earned came from other people’s investments so they were "net winners," and his mom is still reeling from all this coming out and the clawback amount owed being determined during the end of her parents lives when they needed in home care that, previously, had been assumed to be easily paid for with tons of $ left over, which turned out to be very much not the case!) she very rarely sees the kids (oh yeah and throw in Covid and travel restrictions - she went a long time without seeing them).

She is also very weird about gifts (in much the same way as my mom, hooray!) - goes for quantity over quality, and wants to spend tons of time on collecting info on what the kids want, picking the gifts, telling Jeremy what she picked, sending the gifts in a million little packages, and then sending many messages over various mediums stressing that she is waiting on thank-yous from the kids. Most of this I don’t see/hear, like a lot of it is messages she sends Jeremy, but I’ll be exposed to it sometimes - like, she just finished sending E’s bday presents in a slow trickle comprised of many packages (yes, I’m triggered) and then sent them a card that E read aloud at the table, that included "I hope you got the presents I sent [list of presents]. Can you let me know if you got them, and whether you liked them? Send me a letter or a picture or something that you’ve made - show yourself to me! Pleeeaaaasee" (🤮🤮🤮)

So, of course I hated hearing this (but didn’t visibly react- let the kids come to the conclusion that she’s weird and unpleasant on their own! You know, or maybe not! Bleh). I think it’s very weird, both her expectations and the way she goes about trying to get them met, but also…I feel bad for her. I really dislike her, and she knows this, but she does not have the capacity to understand why that is or do anything about it (if she did, she’d be a different kind of person and I wouldn’t dislike her so much). From her perspective, nobody wants much to do with her, even though all she’s done is try to love them. That’s hard! And she just had a lobectomy - removing a messed up part of her lung, very traumatic procedure with a hard recovery and lots of pain. So, I said to Jeremy later, "look, I hate this and it makes me crazy, but also I kind of get where she’s coming from and I feel bad for her. How else can she connect with the kids given the distance and her limited emotional capacity? And she just had that surgery and is still recovering - so, can you please think about whether you want the kids to send her anything, like maybe a get well card, and if you do, arrange a time to do that with them? But if you’re too annoyed by the whole thing and don’t want to, I get that too, and that’s all I’m going to say about it"

Now, I guess that was me getting a little too involved, but I also want to help support him, and right now he does want the kids to have some kind of limited relationship with her, and at this time I think that could still be worthwhile/there’s no risk of her doing more than making them kind of annoyed, but possibly not even that at this age…and I think his kneejerk reaction when she sends shit like this is to be like "you’re being insufferable, fuck you, no the kids aren’t going to send you anything" even though that’s more a reaction to her overall icky vibe rather than what he’d want to do, had she not communicated in such an offputting way. So sometimes I feel like it’s worth me trying to help him get past that reaction.

And he did end up doing this - had them make get well cards for her, on Saturday while I was out having brunch with BFF. And I was feeling good about all that, both that I gave him the nudge and that I was able to otherwise not be involved.

And then I was picking up the kitchen last night and I found the envelope the card had came in, and noticed for the first time that there was writing on the back of the envelope, which said "PS - Grandpa had nothing to do with this card other than taking it to the post office." I showed it to Jeremy and he said "yeah I saw that, weird but I don’t even really know what it means" which is annoying but ah…I speak passive aggressive BPD/NPD mom because I didn’t go through life trying to absorb as little as possible of what mine was saying - which I am not saying as a knock on him - we both did what we needed to survive in our households. My mom was more overtly toxic/abusive/rageful, plus had substance abuse issues that his mom thankfully does not (hence why I’m estranged from mine but he is not yet from his). Anyway, it was worth my time to pay very close attention to my mom’s moods and read between the lines of her loaded comments.

What is going on with this message is: Jeremy’s mom does have a husband, although if you met her and asked her about herself, he might not even come up. He was a longtime friend of hers who carried a torch for her for a super long time (ew, why?) and they finally got together when Jeremy was in high school and married when he was in college. Which is to say, she raised him mostly as a single mom but still kind of speaks about herself as if she is single?? And this guy is very nice and funny and I like him, but he is also incredibly passive (you’d have to be!) and has had most of the life drained out of him at this point, so it’s a complicated situation, but if you spend time with them at all, you will naturally be drawn more to him because he’s a lot more pleasant. And this drives her absolutely nuts! She visibly (to me at least) hates it when she’s having a video chat with the kids and they ask to also speak to grandpa. When she sends gifts, she wants it known that they are from HER and not both of them. So that note on the card meant: This is coming from me only, so when you send this long awaited thank you note that I am demanding, it is to be sent to ME and not "grandma and grandpa."

So anyway - yeah, I’m back to being done. She’s a rancid bitch*, and if Jeremy wants to just ignore her, there will be no more nudges from me to do anything else. It’s not our problem that she has no friends and doesn’t get much from her husband because she’s isolated and infantilized him so much that he did effectively become a man-child who is now falling short of her expectations for partnership. Sucks to be her! (I mean, really, it does suck to be her! And I can still empathize about that but it shall now be internal empathy only).

*you might reasonably ask "why would you let your kids have any contact with someone you deem a rancid bitch?" And I guess at this point I think - because I do still believe that even bad parents can be decent grandparents, and I think at this point she is sort of a benign, minor presence to them. If I ever feel like this is changing, I’ll tell Jeremy I don’t think they should have any more contact with her…idk I’m just kind of playing it by ear for now, and am prepared to say "hm yeah that card made me feel kind of icky too" whenever the kids do notice more. But also, she’ll never trigger them in the same way she triggers me, because she’s not a significant presence in their lives and they have normal parents who allow and even encourage assertive communication. Idk, it’s complicated…I’ll definitely share this with my wonderful therapist and hopefully Jeremy with his although I’m of course not dictating to him what his therapy should be used for!!

[marie-golds-bleeding-ink]

Thomas and Gordon rambles that turned into 1x4

I really like their Alliance and want to explore that a bit. Like in them getting along better, obviously, helping each other out on jobs, being able to communicate better and sort out whatever fights they may have together, supporting each other through the crisis (wars, end of steam, covid,) and growing closer all throughout.

And to go further, they have jobs they do together, or maybe Gordon lets it slip that he likes quiet work so Thomas invites him to shunt or do something like that. And Gordon’s mellowed so he’s like “that’s alright with me,” and so they go shunting every now and then and chat, joke around, gossip and whatnot.

My AU and 1x4

(Mind you I see them as being similar mental ages, think early-late mid twenties.)

So in my au, when they get human bodies they’ll grab coffee or cakes from wherever, play with cats, watch movies, read books together…

Thomas loves contact, like hugs or slinging his arms over people but respects that Gordon isn’t very comfortable with openly showing affection, at least for now. That gives Gordon the agency and room to give his own shy affections out (in hand holding, shoulder pats, or just standing close,) and Thomas is thrilled. And they’re even happier together when they share a bed for plot reasons- I mean lodging complications.

They both dislike sleeping alone for one, and they compliment each others styles. Thomas sleeps close meaning Gordon won’t feel lonely, and Gordon hugs in his sleep which makes Thomas feel safe.

They grow close to each other, and support each other with their identities too. Gordon affirms Thomas’ enby-ness, helps them with fashion and checks in when Thomas is having a rough day. Thomas validates and encourages Gordon’s GNC-ness and helps him find confidence in it.

They talk about other personal subjects too, like their siblings or their feelings about their public lives or other stresses they may connect over. Or how they’ve kinda quit the dating scene for different and similar reasons.

A lot Gordon’s previous crushes are either with someone else or busy. Even if they aren’t, there’s either past bad blood or the risk of ending friendships that Gordon cherishes. As such, he’s moved past those crushes and decided to stay single.

Thomas has had his own (complicated,) crushes but realized early on he wasn’t ready for romance, at least not long lasting, and decided to stay single, though he’s a bit sad over that.

Thomas and Gordon connect over this, as it’s something they have in common, even for different reasons. It also stays between them, as these are super personal feelings and whatnot. So a sweet part of their relationship is them supporting each other through their singleness.

And they get closer and closer and at one point they’re out on a trip, Thomas notes it’s like a date and Gordon is like, “that does sound nice but I like this much better.”

Thomas is like, “you do?”

And Gordon’s like “yes. After all, if I went off on dates I couldn’t be here with you. We wouldn’t be able to talk like we have, and I‘d much rather have this.” With this warm smile on his face.

Thomas laughs (and blushes,) and says “I’m glad you think that Gordon. That makes me very happy!”

And it goes on. They fall in love, and it’s subtle and slow and sweet. They notice things about each other, go fishing together, chat about musicals or opera, tousle each others hair…

Then one day, on a nice afternoon, they’re alone in the sheds talking. It’s a lovely conversation and without realizing, they confess their love to each other. Then they realize just that and have this moment of “ohhh, we’re in love!”

And because they’ve grown and trust each other a lot, they’re quite mature about this, and decide to get together officially. There’s a bit of flustering and blushing, but they handle it very well. And since they were low key dating for months up until this point, not much changes aside from more snuggles.

Thomas and Gordon are very happy about this, so happy in fact, they forgot to share the news! Meaning everyone finds out 4 months late. They’ll notice new things about Thomas and Gordon’s behavior (laughing more, Gordon being all huggy, the two shunting together, little jokes from Thomas that sound oddly like bad flirting that Gordon is amused and fond for.) but might not put the pieces together cause what-are-the-odds-right?

Anyways, Thomas and Gordon like kisses. Forehead kisses, cheek kisses, quick-on-the-lip-before-i-miss-my-train-kisses and whatnot. And they both wear lipstick so they leave stains. Usually they remember to wipe these off, but sometimes they forget. I imagine the reveal goes like this;

Percy: “Say Thomas, don’t those marks on your face look like Gordon’s lipstick?”

Thomas: “Yep! They’re all from him!”

Percy: “Ohh, I see.”

Gordon: “Oh dear, I didn’t realize how carried away I got, my apologies.”

A beat.

Edward: “I’m sorry?”

Thomas: “Hehe, no worries. I forgot to ask for the wipes after all-”

James: “Wait a minute-“

Gordon: “Say Thomas, did we not tell them-“

Everyone but Thomas and Gordon: “WHAT?!??”

*cue overlapping reactions while Gordon sighs and Thomas nervous chuckles.

Thomas: “didn’t we tell you? I thought you all knew hahaha 😅,”

Gordon: “It seems we got carried away dear Thomas.” *affectionate smile*

Once the initial shock is over, everyone concludes this was rather obvious and calms down. There’s teasing of course, but for the most part everyone is glad to see Thomas and Gordon so happy together.

Even if Gordon’s a cheesy romantic and Thomas a clumsy flirt.

[jencsi]

I've put up a good fight with this over the past 2 years, but my brain simply cannot get over the trauma of being so sick on Christmas Eve/Day 2022. It has consumed every aspect of my life since then. Every single odd feeling in my gut, every food that "tastes weird" every recall I read about, every time someone says they feel sick or confirm that they or their child is actually sick, sends me spiraling into a contamination OCD nightmare.

I was smart and careful with handwashing, food choices, avoiding restaurants, take out etc. I don't gather in groups much anyways even prior to the pandemic, the very limited family gatherings I do have during the year, are the ones I am trying to stay healthy for.

I requested Christmas Eve off last year and everything went smoothly but my anxiety was high. It triggered an IBS flare up and some issues during the party (I was starting my period early and didn't know it so I panicked and thought I had norovirus again) I barely survived that night.

For 2024, I requested December 20th-25th off so I could hole myself up at my home and avoid people and places so I could be illness free for the big family Christmas Eve gathering. Everything was going smoothly with this until my boss's kid contracted a stomach bug and was sick on Monday 12-16 through Wednesday 12-18. Despite having 0 contact with her prior to this, I have been spiraling ever since. I feared she would get sick next (she didn't) but it's only been 5 days. I worked with her for two and a half hours on Thursday 12-19 and I avoided her like the plague. I got to leave early and start my PTO. (I would not be spiraling so hard these last few days if it wasn’t for this event) Every day since then I have sat here stewing in my own anxiety, eating only "safe foods", making my last trip to a store on the 20th, refusing to eat any of the food my parents made out of fear of illness.

All of this has been incredibly draining and difficult to maintain. This is the worst PTO I have ever used. I can't even enjoy it. Trying to avoid the most contagious, most violent, distressing sickness has been a battle. And I'm still not 100% safe in my crazy OCD brain. Thinking back to 12-24-22 and how things were so good and how quickly they spiraled into madness, the acute timing of it, hour by hour, how fresh and vivid the memory of that night is, and how my health has not been the same since is adding to the stress and anxiety. You do not simply "get over" a stomach bug these days. You are never "out of the woods" no matter how many days have passed since you think you've been exposed. I would trade so much to have the life back that I had prior to this.

It is frustrating to watch everyone around me eat restaurant food, eat more food choices than I can without a care in the world in regards to their health.

I should love the holiday. My regular depression was getting better before health anxiety consumed me. I should not be living like this. As a society we need to do better at curbing the risk factor and spread factor for gastrointestinal illnesses, especially around the holidays. I would even go so far as to say this is worse than COVID I had twice. I would rather have that!

All of this, all of this to deal with, to be exhausted by daily. I feel like I have been running a marathon at the start of every year and the finish line (if I am lucky) is a sickness free holiday. In parallel, I feel as if my entire life has been leading up to Christmas Eve and Day and I could be doomed or I come out unscathed.

The unknown is the bitch of it.

[macabretranceremix]

It does bother me how masking has been the only focus of a lot of posts about covid - not because masking isn't important like obviously it is, but you can still get or spread covid while masking provided the exposure is long enough and the mask isn't perfectly sealed (most aren't). A lot of these posts revolve around an almost guarantee that getting covid will lead to severe long covid eventually without taking in other factors like access to treatment, nutrition, and especially ability to rest and mitigate stress level, which are all hindered by capitalism in general. There's very promising research that suggests monoclonal antibodies can treat long covid, leading to sustained remission in severe cases. There is a new monoclonal antibody available for immunocompromised people called Pemgarda that was just given emergency use authorization about a month ago, but it costs around $6,000 without insurance because this is the American healthcare system so of course it does, and it does not appear to have been widely publicized. Rest has been identified as one of the most important factors in protecting against long covid, but good luck finding a job that will let you take enough time off to actually recover, considering how many jobs will even pressure you to work while sick.

I suppose what I'm saying here is that it's possible to imagine a world in which these treatments are widely accessible, not just for immunocompromised people but for everyone who might need it. It's possible to imagine a world in which a worker can take off as much time as they need to recover before going back to work without the stress of losing their job, their housing, or their ability to buy food, and where meals are provided to them while sick, and where testing is free. And in that world masking would still be important, but probably not to the life or death level it is now. Every time we talk about disability justice without that goal in mind, we do ourselves a disservice. We risk losing sight of the fact that it is the capitalist economy that makes disease so disabling, not just in the sense that disability is measured by ability to perform in capitalism but that it is a system that grinds us down to the point that our bodies cannot effectively recover while locking treatment away to all but the privileged few.

[loveisnotovertae]

Love is Not Over

✏️Taehyung x OFC ✏️Friends to Lover AU 🛑 Rated 18+ 📖WC:1964 ⚠️Mentally abusive and controlling ex, stalking, mention of anxiety cheating, COVID, drinking, drunk hookup, masturbation, oral, accidental marriage, accidental pregnancy⚠️

Mae always wanted to go to South Korea and visit all the places her Aunt and Uncle used to tell her stories about. So after catching her fiancè cheating, she did just that. Her two month trip turned into a permanent stay thanks to covid lockdown. A friendly neighbor turned best friend, who just so happened to be part of the biggest music group in the world. A drunken night that changed her life forever.

Chapter 14

Mae looked at the man sleeping in the bed beside her. The man who, even with a busy schedule, came over in the middle of the night to take care of her. The man who she accidentally married. The man whose arms she fell asleep in last night. The man who, despite her best efforts, had found his way into her heart.

The night she left Tyler, Mae decided to give up on love. It had hurt her once already and she never wanted to feel like that again.

But the moment Kim Taehyung walked into her life everything changed. He unknowingly had control over her mind, body and soul. No matter how high she built her walls, he found a way around them. No matter how many times she tried lying to herself, she’d fallen for him.

The past couple of weeks may have been stressful and scary, but just the sound of his voice made her forget about it all. She didn’t realize it until just a few minutes ago when Kimberleigh came to wake them up for lunch. Her sleep was peaceful and relaxing, just like it was when they slept in the same bed while in Jeju. Even after a night of drinking she felt the best she had in a long time.

The thought of falling in love again scared her. Was she in love with Taehyung? No, well, at least not yet anyways.

She could hear his and Jimin’s mothers in her head. Telling her once again that their marriage happened for a reason. Maybe it was a sign for her to finally break free, or her Aunt and Uncle’s spirits, pushing her to have some fun in life and take some risks.

“If this was your two’s doing, the least you could do is send me a sign,” she said to herself.

She laid there silently for a moment and waited. Just as she was about to give up, Taehyung put his arm around her waist and pulled her face first to his chest.

“Are you done staring at me yet?” he asked.

“How long have you been awake?” She tilted her head the best she could to look at him.

“Long enough for you to ask for a sign.” Taehyung opened one eye and looked at her. “Who were you talking to?”

“Noone,” she answered, face turning red from embarrassment.

“I don’t mean to sound like an asshole. But could you possibly get out of bed, get dressed and leave the room?” Taehyung removed his arm from her waist, allowing her to scoot away.

Mae scrunched her brows and looked at him, “It’s my fucking room. You leave first.”

Taehyung cleared his throat. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” Mae said, sitting up against the headboard.

“I…how do I put this without it sounding bad?” Taehyung sighed and rubbed his face. “I am a man…and sometimes when men first wake up…”

“Oh!” Mae watched his hand gestures while he tried to figure out what to say. “Taeconda has risen.”

“What?” Taehyung, shocked by what she’d just said, looked at her in amusement.

“I’ll go use the restroom and change in the closet while the two of you sort yourselves out.” She patted him on the shoulder, before getting out of bed.

“Aren’t you going to cover yourself up like you did last night?” he asked, watching her walk to the bathroom.

“Nope. It’s not the first time you’ve seen me in a bra and it won't be the last.”

The moment Mae closed the door she placed her hands on the counter and took a deep breath.

“The two of you better not be sending me mixed signals.” She looked up at the ceiling and whispered. “Because this is going to be fun yet extremely challenging for me.”

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┛

Mae was the first one downstairs, exiting the closet through the door that led to her room. She grabbed her things and laughed when she heard Taehyung in the bathroom. She couldn’t understand any of the muffled words, but judging by his tone and how fast he was talking there was definitely cursing involved.

She yelled to him from the doorway that she was leaving before shutting her door.

Once she’d finally gotten to the kitchen she was met with three pairs of curious eyes.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” Veronica said from her seat at the table. “Did you sleep well?” she asked, arching a curious brow at her.

“The sleep was good.” Mae replied, joining them at the table.

“Will Prince Charming be joining us or did you leave him tied up?”

“He’s not tied up, Ant.” Mae answered, putting some food on her plate.

“Such a shame.” Veronica sighed.

“I couldn’t find any rope so I used the handcuffs instead.” Mae said quickly before taking a bite of food.

The sound of her three friends choking on their coffees almost made her do the same on the food as she tried not to laugh.

“Oh, she’s a feisty one this afternoon.” D placed her face in her hands and smiled at Mae.

“She is, isn't she?” Kimberleigh added doing the same. “Maybe the two of them should sleep shirtless together more often, if she’s going to wake up in this good of a mood.”

“You were shirtless!” Veronica yelled, making the other three women jump at her outburst.

“Yes, we were.” Three of the women looked up to see a freshly showered, wet-haired Taehyung walking toward them. “You should’ve seen her. The moment you left the room she went crazy. She took off her shirt. I told her she couldn’t do that, it wasn’t decent. Then while I was trying to cover her up she pinned me down and ripped mine off.”

Mae laughed when she saw the look of shock on Veronica’s face. “Don’t fucking lie to her like that. You’ll give the poor woman a heart attack.” She turned her head to look at Taehyung when he sat down beside her. “Is that…is that my cardigan?”

“Yes, it is. I didn’t realize until after I got out of the shower that I didn’t grab one last night. You weren’t in the room so I just went into your closet and grabbed one. I hope you don’t mind. You did after all tear my other one to shreds.” he answered, sending her a playful smile and wink.

“You went in her closet? Alone?” D asked with wide eyes.

“You are a brave, brave man.” Kimberleigh mumbles into her coffee cup.

“Why? It’s just a closet.” Taehyung looked at the women in confusion.

“It is just a closet. But you open the wrong drawer and your image of innocent Mae will come crumbling down quickly.”

“One,” Mae looked at Kimberleigh and held up a finger. “I don’t keep those in my closet. They would be too far away in there. Two,” she held up a second finger and turned back to Taehyung. “How do I say this without it sounding bad..” she smiled using the same line he’d used earlier. “I am a woman, Tae. A woman who has needs, and sometimes I have to take care of those by myself.”

The four women watched Taehyung’s reaction while he registered what Mae was saying. They were amused as the confused look slowly faded and a mischievous grin took over.

He turned to look at Mae, “Tell me, do you use these secret objects after you’ve dreamt of me?”

“The ones up in my room? No, I haven’t used them in years and I need to throw them away. The ones back in Korea however…”

Mae trailed off, turned back to her plate and ate her food to hide her smile. She wasn’t sure what she found more entertaining, the look of shock and disbelief on her friends' faces, or the mixture of amusement and shock that Taehyung had on his.

“So, um Tae,” D cleared her throat, “Are you excited for the concert tomorrow?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Yes, very excited and a little nervous too. It’s the first in-person concert we’ve been able to have in almost three years.” he answered before taking a bite of food. “Are you ladies coming?”

“We are.” D said, taking her plate to the sink. “There’s no way in hell we’d pass up a chance to watch y’all perform live.”

“You mean I’m going to be home by myself?” Mae pouted.

“You’re cute when you’re being all pouty.” Kimberleigh patted Mae on the head when she walked past her. “Did you really think we’d let you stay home and miss your husband’s concert?”

“You got me a ticket?”

“Of course we did, Giant. Well actually Namjoon got you one.”

Mae looked over to Taehyung, “Did you know about this?”

“No, no I did not.”

“The night you arrived we were talking about the concert, while we got the food ready. Kimberleigh was telling them about how we’d gotten tickets and one of the suites for both shows. We didn’t want to leave you home by yourself, but we also didn’t want to miss the show.”

“As much as I would enjoy having Mae there, do you really think it’s a good idea?” Taehyung sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“You don’t want me at your concert?” Mae looked him up and down. “That’s fucked up, even if we weren’t married.” she said, picking up her dirty dishes and taking them to the sink.

“That’s not what I meant, Mae.”

“He’s just worried about your safety,” Veronica rolled her eyes. “We all are. But you don’t have to worry, Prince Charming. The suite is private, not just anyone can enter. Namjoon’s already talked with security and there will be a couple of guards with us. If she wants to, she can stay inside and watch the concert or she can join us on the balcony in the private seating area.”

Taehyung smiled, “Sounds like you guys have it all planned out. If Mae’s comfortable, I for one, would love to have her there and I know the other guys would too. If not, then she can stay here or in my hotel room. I’ll make sure she has security at either place; that way you guys don’t have to miss the show.”

Mae looked at the four other people who stood in the kitchen with her. The thought of being at the concert gave her mixed feelings. On one hand, she was nervous because she didn’t know how anyone would react if they noticed her. But then on the other hand, she’d be in a private area where she wouldn’t be seen by a lot of people and she’d always wanted to see the guys perform live.

“I’ll go,” she stated, nodding her head. “If there’s any problem, I’ll have the girls and security with me. So, you and the guys don’t need to worry,” she said, looking at Taehyung.

Taehyung smiled, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’ve always wanted to see you guys perform live.”

“Good,” Taehyung looked at his phone. “I have to go, my car is here. The next couple of days are going to be crazy.”

Mae could see the worried look in Taehyung’s eyes. “I’ll be fine, Tae. I won’t leave the house except for the concert. Evidently they,” she nodded to her three best friends, “have the head of your security on speed dial if anything happens.”

“She jokes about it but it's true.” Kimberleigh held up her phone for the two of them to see.

Taehyung and Mae both snorted out a laugh when they saw the contact.

“Bat Signal?”

“What else would we use to urgently get a message to a handsome man in a suit?”

[cowboyrainy]

Tuberculosis in Red Dead Redemption 2

In the beginning of the 20th century, Tuberculosis, also known as consumption, was the second leading cause of death, after Pneumonia. It caused 25% of all deaths, throughout the 1600-1800's Europe. The disease has been around since antiquity and has been discovered in 17,000 year old bison. 

On March 24 1882, German physician and microbiologist Robert Koch, identified and described the bacillus that causes tuberculosis. Today, March 24 is World Tuberculosis Day. Before this discovery, it was believed (commonly in New England) that the disease was caused by vampires or curses. 

During chapter 2, when you collect the depths from Thomas Downes, he'll cough on Arthur, transmitting tuberculosis. Tuberculosis takes a few months or even years to develop and to start showing symptoms, but in poor living and health conditions it can take only but a few weeks for symptoms to show. Active infection occurs more often in people with HIV/AIDS and people who smoke. Today a diagnosis of active TB is based on chest X-rays, microscopic examination and culture of body fluids. Common symptoms include, chronic cough, fever, cough with bloody mucus and weight loss. 

Living in the countryside in 1899 could certainly be unhygienic and put you at risk in many ways, especially when you live outside, like the Van Der Linde gang does. The first sign of Arthur's TB is often considered to be in chapter 4, Shady Belle, when he talks to Herr. Strauss about the depths. If you choose to rob a homestead with Javier in chapter 2, you can hear Arthur cough at the end as well, but since you can complete this Companion Activity before confronting Downes, the only way Arthur could have contracted the disease, is when Thomas Downes breaks up the fight between Arthur and Tommy during "Americans at rest", but it seems unlikely this is a TB cough, due to the short period from exposure to disease (Let me know your opinion :) )

In chapter 4 after "Revenge is a Dish Best Eaten" Arthur writes in his journal,

"Keep feeling sick but I'm sure it's nothing".

There are three stages of TB. Exposure, latent, and active disease. Exposure is simply when you are exposed to the bacteria. Latent is when the bacteria is in your body, but you don't feel sick. Latent can then develop into the disease, where you do feel sick. The symptoms can be mild for months. This means Arthur could experience coughs, fevers, night sweats, weight loss and feeling sick or weak, for a while without the bloody coughs and chest pains. I think one reason that his TB develops fast is, like mentioned earlier, poor living conditions, bad hygiene and stress. There was no cure for TB back then and the only thing the doctor can prescribe Arthur is rest and getting somewhere warm and dry, which is the exact opposite of what Arthur's been doing / is going to do.

In 2021, 10.6 million people were diagnosed with turberculosis and around 1.6 million passed away from it. It's the second deadliest infectious disease, after Covid-19.

Trivia

The doctor in rdr2 who treats Arthur, Joseph R. Barnes, is likely named after Joseph K. Barnes, a US physician and surgeon general, who served President Lincoln and Garfield. 

The doctor's appearance looks sort of similar to Robert Koch

TB was also known as "the romantic disease". Many romanticized the disease, finding the bed written, skinny people beautiful. Some also believed the fevers and toxemia from TB assisted the artistic talent, allegedly helping people to "see life more clearly" and "to act decisively". 

Hello! Thank you if you've read this far. I've been trying to make this blog my primary, but that's not really an option, so i might make my primary a bit more personal, so i can interact more with the community lol. I enjoyed writing this alot and hope someone else found this as interesting as i did. Might make a part 2 to this post, but i'll definitely keep posting "essay" or what ever you wanna call them, because they are great fun to research and write (my autistic brain is happy) . Have a great evening :)

Also! Here are some great videos about TB, the victorian view of illness and fashion, that i think you should watch :)

Sources:

[something-pithy]

Notes and an Update: Astarion, Tav, and Trauma in Stories

Pictured above: actual footage of trauma response from Astarion (j/k! kinda!) to catch your eye :D

Hey glittercats and cosmic kittens!

So I've definitely been neglecting the updates here, which I'm going to try to do better with.

We're up to Chapter 11 on this bad boy, and I've adjusted the anticipated chapter count to 30 (but honestly it's probably still all lies because I have absolutely no sense of how much writing each point on my outline ends up being loool).

I have a DOPE beta who's fucking amazing both in terms of conventions and idea partnership and I'm telling you right now, this story is so much better for having their hands and eyes on it.

SOME CONTENT WARNING STUFF RE: THIS CHAPTER:

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

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.

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MORE DETAILS ON THIS -- SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

So hopefully that's enough room for people who don't want to be spoiled to escape!

So I'm going to copy/paste the end note on the story, and expand on it a little bit.

So, although Tav is a "good drunk," as Frank Gallagher might put it, she is 1000% engaging in pretty serious substance abuse, or to be more specific in this chapter, alcohol use disorder. I'm not going to go into the way this story is going to approach mental and behavioral health disorders and trauma; hopefully it will speak for itself. Suffice it to say substance abuse and trauma are not the central subject of this story, but also, Astarion and Tav as they exist in this little pocket dimension of the BG3 universe have been impacted by the trauma they've each experienced both together and as individuals. In general, the impact of trauma can look and feel a lot of ways. Sometimes it's horrifying, sometimes it's heartbreaking, sometimes it's rage-inducing - but let's be honest, sometimes that shit is funny, too, because humor is such an incredible survival tactic / coping mechanism. Even if sometimes we're laughing at shit that shouldn't be funny. (Maybe especially then.) This story isn't going to be an after-school special or a PSA. It's a story about people, and sometimes people are fucked up (literally and figuratively). Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now. If this has activated you, or you have earnest questions or concerns about what's going on in this story / with these characters, or you just want to shoot the shit, hit me up on my tumblr. There might be more notes there on this eventually, but for now, this chapter actually took a lot out of me and I'm still out here with these perpetual COVID symptoms, so... lol NOT TONIGHT. As always, thank y'all for reading, kudosing, and commenting.

OK, so I may have lied about the no notes part... but honestly, in re-reading that note, I think it kind of gets to the point.

But ALSO...

I've been a geek on the internet for a long, long time. I've engaged with different fan-based writing and roleplaying communities (tabletop, chat-based, forum-based, butt-based -- EVERYTHING) for pretty much the entire time.

"The Tragic Backstory" seems like it's been A Whole Thing since people started creating characters whether for roleplay or stories.

I think times have changed somewhat, but back in the day I ran in circles where a lot of thoughts about writing, creating characters, roleplay, etc. coexisted somewhat peacefully, but an old chestnut that consistently (maybe without fail) turned up in any conversation that involved Writers of Quality was a contingent of folks who had deep disdain for The Tragic Backstory.

I'm talkin' some deep, scathing, elitist shit, my beautiful people.

And I'm not gonna lie to you! This is approximately ten thousand years ago (no but seriously, decades), and honestly, I was up in those conversations, too, throwing around my disdain, assured by my fellow elitists that even though I frequently employed some form of Tragic Backstory, it was OK when I did it because it was good.

I mean in retrospect, it's kinda bullshit. There's always gonna somebody who's gonna think your shit's good, and there's also always gonna be somebody who thinks they're a Better Writer Than You who's gonna think your shit is... well, shit.

Not gonna lie, I still have very strong and particular preferences when it comes to the fic I read in general, and that includes backstory.

But over time, I got progressively less insecure (not just about my writing, but in general) and consequently less concerned with judging writing that's not my flavor as "bad" or "shitty" or "juvenile" (looool seriously, I was a dick) and more concerned with finding and creating writing that is my flavor.

However, and I don't think I'm going to apologize for it, some dickish tendencies linger in my soul. I'm going to try and frame these thoughts in terms of what compels me in a story I'm reading and what I do (or try to do) in my own writing.

This is a very long way of saying if something I say (or have already said) makes you feel like I'm coming for your neck, please know that I'm not.

My thoughts and/or opinions may cause you or someone you love to feel Some Type of Way. That is not my intention. I have no desire to:

Yuck anyone's yum

Contribute to or activate the crippling self-doubt that plagues almost every creative I've ever met

Be a dick.

Having said all that, I do have Thoughts on This Matter.

People write for a lot of reasons, but I'm fairly convinced that nobody's doing it with any level of purity. There are tons of incredible, beautiful, moving stories that feature a whole-ass Self-Insert, maybe even the dreaded Mary Sue.

(lol lookin' at you Dante's Inferno, Tyrion Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire, and countless others lol)

People write to explore topics and themes that interest them, that compel them, that they see recurring in the world around them and/or their own lives.

One of those things is trauma.

In my writing, I approach trauma, disordered behaviors, dysfunction, dysregulated emotions, etc. (topics both of great interest to me and, not coincidentally, ones with which I have a great deal of personal experience) from a place of wanting fervently to tell the truth.

And I'm pretty good writing some things that feel true.

But I know that in some ways, I've shied away from harder truths; from using my writing and the characters I create not only as reflections of what I see in the world, but as accurate (rather than idealized) reflections of myself.

Because of this, while I've explored redemption arcs in roleplaying games (where being cheesy or facile or juvenile or fulfilling personal fantasies felt much safer than on a page), I've skirted neatly around it, I think, in my writing (for the most part). Because I absolutely was the girl who wanted to "save" or "fix" the wounded (and emotionally unavailable, and/or abusive, and/or toxic) lover. I wanted stories about it. I wanted to roll around in that narrative, bathe in it, eat it up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

All while occupying the role/perspective of The Good One / The Good Girl whether in a game or in a story I was consuming.

But it's not the truth. Not the whole truth, at least. Not for me, anyway.

My admiration, respect, regard, and all the other good words for the writing and acting in Baldur's Gate 3 cannot be overstated. Each of the "origin" characters (and honestly, any character "Tav" has the opportunity to even have a conversation with, much less spend a significant amount of time with) is thoughtfully and truthfully written. I see this more in some than others, but that depth and breadth of understanding about human beings -- sorry, sentient beings -- shows up all over the place and honestly I almost can't stand how much I love it.

I'm not going to say that there's no character I feel this as deeply with as Astarion, but... idk, sometimes.

But there's no need to quantify this. Astarion is one of a number of characters from the game that I'm low-key obsessed with.

As such, when I decided to take on the story outcome in which, in my opinion, he throws all the growth, all the processing, all the truth and reconciliation I saw him moving toward in the game into a fucking woodchipper, I did not want it to be easy.

I get wanting it to be easy, and there are delicious, delicious fics out there that go this route. I think anybody who writes Ascendant Astarion at least flirts with it.

And it's not a binary; it's not either, "OMG this is completely uncomplicated, I love you I'm your spawn and it's just like if you hadn't ascended except your SUPER EXTRA POWERFUL AND SEXY AND HOT AND WHOOPS THERE GO MY PANTIES" (which, tbh... lool I'm not mad at) or "ASTARION IS IRREDEEMABLE LET ME WRITE OF HIS TRAGIC DEMISE AND TAV'S TRAGIC WITNESS TO IT / ENGINEERING OF IT." Which I'm ALSO not mad at, because THOSE THINGS CAN BE TRUE.

But while I'm subscribed to some stories that follow those paths or ones like them, and when I get that notification it's time to STOP THE PRESSES bc mama needs to READ, for me the challenge of this is if I'm going to continue Astarion and Tav's love story (or rekindle it lol), I want to honor the four years of intense character work Neil Newbon and Stephen Rooney and honestly the whole goddamn BG3 team from soup to nuts have done by considering "What would really happen here" as brutally as possible.

Komo, my incredible thought partner-cum-beta, can tell you about the pages of back and forth between us about "fml, how can we make this story work and maintain fidelity to the integrity* of these characters???? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

*not personal integrity -- meta shit. The integrity of their arcs, development, personalities, histories, traumas, etc.

SO. Back to trauma.

I said in my end note for chapter 11 that this story is not an after-school special (which looool probably at least some of you are like wtf are you talking about my dude and I'm like looooool omg life before kids were a whole target demographic unto themselves - kind of lol) or a PSA.

Which alludes to the fact that YES, I want to tell the truth about the ugliness of this relationship and the individuals in it with nuance and empathy and sensitivity; that I want to write about the pain and harm and longing and ache and all of it in ways that are neither hyperbolic nor diminishing.

But also, look, my darling motherfuckers, my comrades in fuckery, whoever's made it this far into this rambling monster of a -- whatever the fuck this is lool -- PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRAUMA ALSO HAVE FUN.

SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN THEY ARE ENGAGING IN BEHAVIORS THAT ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS.

I don't think I've sufficiently unpacked this part to dig down much deeper into it, but what I will say is that this is not going to be a passion play about Poor Tav or Drugs Are Bad, Mmkay? or anything else.

What this is going to be (or at least, what I passionately want it to be) is -- framed with a delicious little fake-dating muffin of an emotional MacGuffin -- a portrait of some people in all (or lordt jebus please let me achieve at least MOST) of their complexity.

ALL OF IT.

Lordt Baby Jebus, Allah, Milal, Great Spaghetti Monster, ANYBODY

(not Lolth lol)

hear my prayer!

Aight, that's all I've got for today. <3

If you made it this far, PM me and tell me something you want to see in the story! I'll make you a treat.

And if it don't fit in the story, I might be able to make a li'l drabble happen.

COMING SOON to Writing Notes Storytime:

Identity in this story and in stories in general

The Good, the Bad, and the Neutral: Alignment and Astarion (and some other ppl, too!) in BG3, DnD, and This Story lol

Stuff I'm forgetting bc I'm STILL not over this never-ending COVID fuckery

[blackbird-brewster]

Might be MIA for a few days. One of the household members tested covid-pos (again) and I am already showing symptoms too. I am absolutely furious about how this is playing out.

COVID RANT BELOW THE CUT

Doom Them and I both had covid in March and during the entire TWO WEEKS we were symptomatic, we managed to keep their parents from getting it due to extremely specific cleaning and sanitisation practises, especially in the common areas of the house like the kitchen.

So we already know it is FULLY possible to isolate while sick in our household of four.

But no. Their dad has had a cold all week and he's just coughing and sneezing everywhere and doesn't wash his hands or wipe down common surfaces or anything. So of course mum is sick now too.

And no matter how much I've tried to keep away from them and clean everything before I use it -- I've got symptoms now.

Just such a shit show. I'm the most vulnerable in our household and like, what? They couldn't even wipe down counters and clean their hands as the bare minimum to try and keep me safe?!

I just feel so frustrated. I never go out and if I do, I'm always in an N95 and hyper vigilant about sanitisation and hand washing and such. I have been completely home bound since the pandemic began because it is the ONLY way for me to protect myself, especially in the past two years when the world stopped caring about the pandemic.

It's so fucking isolating and I often feel gaslit by the world at large who says I'm being paranoid with how vigilant I am about when/where I go if I leave the house. Unfortunately, Doom Them (who is also high risk) has to work in an environment with hundreds of teens who have zero hygiene practices. And while Doom Them wears an N95 all day at work and tries to keep to themself, they still got covid in March (then I got it too)

If I test positive this week -- it will be my THIRD time. All from household members passing it to me. Doom Them tried their absolute best to prevent it, but they got it from careless coworkers who went to work sick. The other two household infections came from tehir parents, who go out to shows, and movies, and cafes with friends all the time without masks or any other precautions -- then they bring covid home.

I'm not even safe in my own home. It's so fucking stressful and lonely. I'm so fucking exhausted.

[twenty-words-or-less]

Top 5 Best Films of 2021

I promised a top 5 of 2021 and here it is. Severely delayed, I know, but I’ve been trying to do other things with life and the days just got away from me. There will also be a More button on this status but I’d really appreciate if you guys gave the entire post a shot and not just scroll away. Cheers! Anyway, here it is, with the general theme of “yeah, this surprised me too!”:

5. Another Round (Druk)

Very dry, darkly funny Danish drama which manages to condemn as well as celebrate the drinking culture that seems to have a grip on North Europe as a whole, which is kind of interesting. Fun fact: the original title roughly translates to ‘Binge-Drinking’, something as blunt as the film itself.

4. Malignant

The kind of film made by someone who said “hey, my last film made you $1bn, can I have some money to do the thing I REALLY want to do?”. Basically an hour and a half of batshittery improved by a very divisive twist that [REDACTED] and I enjoyed very much.

3. The Suicide Squad

The one film I definitely saw coming with regards to it being on here. It’s exactly what one would expect from a James Gunn movie: dark comedy, people literally having a blast, a soundtrack consisting of songs one hasn’t heard since they were a teenager (looking at you, “Whistle For The Choir”). Can also confirm that it is just as good seeing it sober and in IMAX as it is seeing it drunk in standard definition.

2. West Side Story

Absolutely thrilled to have this here considering my attitude towards this film since seeing the teaser in May. Everyone fits into their characters as comfortably as if they are regular performers, and it manages to define itself as being an adaptation without caving into the ’61 adap and being its own beast. Highlight is 100% Rita Moreno singing “Somewhere”, which absolutely destroyed me. It would probably be number 1 were it not for the guy who played Tony, whose name I don’t want to say in case he materialises in my living room and starts mauling “Something’s Coming” in front of me or some shit.

And now, the honourable mentions (which were surprisingly hard to pick) in no particular order:

In the Heights: Did slightly drag over the last half hour or so, and I cared more about the secondary romance than the main one. However, god DAMN is the songwriting tight, the camerawork fluid and coherent, and the one-two of “Paciencia y Fe” and “Alabanza”… whoof.

Annette: It, uh, sure is a film. I don’t know how to talk about it without sounding like I’m giving it backhanded compliments.

Candyman: A beautifully shot gem which, like 2018’s Halloween, took a risk in being a belated sequel. However, it also has a solid cast, the themes were well-executed, and the shadow puppetry was devastating. The cut to the scene with the girls in the bathroom was hilarious, too.

Encanto: Lin-Manuel Miranda’s had a fucking good year, hasn’t he?

And finally, top of the list…

1. Dune

I enjoyed it a LOT more than I expected, and not reading the book beforehand didn’t hinder it. Great cast, great music, and meme-able, which is always a good thing. The pacing was also even and the visuals beautiful. Very Villeneuve, very much what I imagine reading the book is like. And between this and Call Me By Your Name (which I watched when ill with Covid), I’ve come to the conclusion that watching something in which Timothée Chalamet has a prominent role is stressful because PLEASE can somebody feed him? Please?? Thanks.

And that concludes the top 5 of 2021. I’m not doing a full-on bottom 5 because I’m exhausted by negativity, but I’ll just do a summary here: Halloween Kills exists, Spider-Man: No Way Home & The Matrix Resurrections were let-downs, Escape Room: Tournament of Champions was annoying and unnecessary, and Old made me want to punch a fucking wall.

Thanks for reading!

~Mikey

[therubberotter]

I´ve had a hectic but good week. I think. Everything feels a bit strange, like out of a dream.

I´ve been going to the hospital a lot because I needed to get some vaccines in preparation for the possible bio meds that they will give me to try and control my crohn´s. My inmune system needs to be ready for that! I also had the Mantoux test done to rule out TB.

The corticoids are helping a lot, but I feel strange...like something isn´t going as it should. I´m a tad bit scared. The thing is one of my main doctors doesn´t think it´s Crohn´s and I wouldn´t like to go back to the times when I didn´t have a diagnose.

Keeping in mind that I´ve had four vaccines and te test done this week, my body has reacted amazingly well. I only felt crummy on Tuesday after the first doses. That said, I got the covid jab yesterday and my arm was sore as hell overnight ;-; (still is, but I´m feeling much better now).

However, some great things have happened, too. Despite my anxiety spiking up these past few days (my chest is hurting at the moment of writing this) , I´m not allowing it to get the best of me. I can´t risk another flare up due to stress.

Last weekend I went for a walk with my guy best friend. We both needed to talk and to feel heard. He´s a real sweetheart.

We discovered that we have a lot of people in common from our childhood years. He even knows my cousin and the guy I´m talking to! That was a BIG relief and a moment of happiness for both of us.

Then, the rest of the week has passed in a haze of sorts between the appointments and work and...a date??? me??? after how long??? (it was awesome and sweet, btw).

I was able to visit my old uni, several times, and that felt GOOD. I had breakfast there like in the old times and walked around taking photos and sending them to my friend S, who studied there with me. I´m so grateful I´ve had the chance to study there for so many years...and putting into practise what I´ve learnt there! As cliche as it may sound, seeing all those young students starting their teaching studies makes me so hopeful. It´s such a warm feeling!

On Friday I had storytelling with the little ones. We got a new girl and she´s such a sweetie! the other kids, who are normally a nightmare, were little angels to her because she is younger ;-; ❤️ Her mum couldn´t believe it when she saw that she had spent the whole hour with us without crying. Guess that means I ´ve become good with the little ones :,D

My older ones were soooo good too. I think we just have an amazing chemistry.

And then today my colleagues and I went to a Cambridge seminar. We talked a lot about writing at B2 level and the new Linguaskills exams...and I won a mug in a raffle :D

I think I´ve had way too much coffee this week. Got to take better care of my body and rest.