#And that frustrates me

[amethystina]

Good morning/afternoon 🌸

I am interested in reading about u have added to these following fics:

Who holds the devil (is it sad ? :()

Gravitational pull (this one is very sexy and sensual. I am excited to see what u added to it !)

I hope u have a lovely day/afternoon/night 🌷 and good luck with ur health 💗

Thank u for always spoiling us 🦋

Good evening! 💜

Alright, here we go!

Who Holds the Devil

To be honest, the most recent thing I did for this fic was to look through my plans for the coming five chapters and rearrange a couple of things. Because I noticed that some scenes needed to come in a different order for the story to make logical sense.

I don't have any snippets as such (again, a lot of it is just a series of lines of dialogue xD) but what I can say is that the next chapter will focus on the trial and Ga On's therapy appointment. Though the latter might not be entirely what you all are hoping for x'D

But there will be lots of Elijah, so that's something?

Yo Han and Ga On are also going to start having somewhat more normal conversations again, either in the next chapter or the one after that (it depends on how many scenes I can fit into the next one without it getting too long). That's not to say that things will be fixed or easy by any means, but they're getting closer to finding some sort of new normal.

Whether or not that's a normal they actually want, well — that's another thing entirely.

Admittedly, this is the story I'm the most careful not to give spoilers for, so sorry for being a little less forthcoming. But I will say that as things are planned right now, chapters 43-47 will all contain scenes I've been waiting months — if not years — to write. I am seriously so excited for a lot of them and I can't wait for you all to see them.

Lots of good things to come! :D

(and by good I sometimes mean painful but I promise it'll be worth it in the end)

Gravitational Pull 2

Oh man, do I feel guilty about this one. Because it's fully plotted. I know exactly what's going to be in it and I'm really looking forward to it since it's going to explore another "what if" scenario that breaks canon, but I'm just... not writing it? For a while there it was because I know this instalment will contain sexual content and that was — and still is — a bit intimidating. But I can't say I've never done it before since I've now written Each Touch. And, in all honesty, the sex in the Gravitational Pull sequel isn't quite as intense, though arguably more ill-advised from a social etiquette standpoint — all Yo Han's fault, obviously.

In the end, I think the main reason I haven't continued — despite wanting to — is lack of time and not having been able to prioritise it. I only have so many hours when I can write and, due to all of my health issues, it's always less than I would like.

That said, I have every intention of continuing and actually have a little bit written already. The fic will continue right after the first one — or the day after, to be more precise, when Yo Han, Ga On, and Jin Joo are in the car heading towards Hyeongsan-dong and the riots.

And here's a little snippet!

---

Ga On tried his best not to look at Yo Han.

The tension lay thick inside the car, the silence pushing against Ga On's eardrums. Judge Oh, who sat in the back, probably assumed it was because of the crisis at hand — apprehension at the thought of what lay ahead of them — but that was only partially true. Ga On was also struggling with an insistent, nerve-wracking hum of concern, making his spine stiff and throat tight.

Yo Han shouldn't be here. He was still injured — only a day had passed since he'd gotten shot.

No matter how grave the situation was, Yo Han should be at home, resting, not driving them to an area of Seoul that was quickly becoming as chaotic as an active war zone.

Ga On gritted his teeth — until his jaws began to hurt from the strain — and looked down at his hands. They were tightly clenched in his lap, his thumb rubbing restlessly over the other. Perhaps Ga On was being too selfish, but he didn't want Yo Han to put himself in danger like this — not when he wasn't at his best. Ga On could admit that Yo Han hid it well but since Ga On knew to look for it, he could see the subtle delay in Yo Han's movements and how he held himself slightly more rigidly than usual.

Yo Han was still in pain.

He still had a goddamn hole in his stomach but pretended that he didn't.

And Ga On had to play along, since Kang Yo Han couldn't show weakness. The people around them couldn't know that the chief judge was injured. The fact that their opponents did was already bad enough — and was probably why they chose now to try and overthrow him. They didn't think Yo Han would be able to fight back as fiercely — with as much precision — as he normally would.

They were expecting an easy victory.

But, even injured, Yo Han was a force to be reckoned with and, as always, would do whatever it took to win.

Even if it jeopardized his own well-being — and Ga On's peace of mind.

---

In canon, Ga On obviously had no idea that Yo Han was injured when they were doing all this reckless shit, but here he does. And BOY does he hate it. Which I can't blame him for. But it's also not going to stop Yo Han because, well, Yo Han.

I think I'm just going to have to schedule a time to finish writing this if I want to get it done — preferably sometime soon...

Thank you so much for the ask! And you have a lovely day too :D

WIP Tag Game

[fandomsoda]

it’s time to play the game of “something is unusual, has something genuinely awful happened or is it a perfectly normal situation that I’m just wasting tears over because I’m paranoid and pattern-reliant?”

[goatsandgangsters]

Nikolai’s ending in Rule of Wolves is disappointing because it undermines his character arc, it doesn’t commit to its own stakes, and it doesn’t align with everything we know about Nikolai as a character

And yet—it still could have worked with one single additional chapter where Nikolai goes back to being Sturmhond. This would have tied everything together in a way that is fitting for Nikolai’s arc and a satisfying ending for his character

A long but thorough meta on why: 

[Side note: The reason Nikolai “has to” abdicate in the first place is flimsy at best (why are you letting Fjerda, whose asses you just publicly trounced, make demands on who rules your country?). It was always going to be a tough plotline to pull off, because Nikolai’s original narrative purpose is to be The Perfect Future King. everything about him as a character was crafted to fill this role in the trilogy. So it’s a hard sell at the eleventh hour to tell me he shouldn’t be king, or even that he no longer wants to be.

But! I’ll allow that Leigh was Going For A Particular Ending. and so talking about the validity of Nikolai abdicating isn’t really the point. Even within the story being told, it could have worked in a way that fit his arc. She could have stuck the landing. She didn’t—not from a narrative perspective, not from an in-universe perspective. But it could have been easily remedied with relatively little structural change to the book]

“You miss it, don’t you?” she asked.

“I do. Maybe if this all goes to hell and Vadik Demidov takes my crown, I’ll simply return to being Sturmhond. I can serve my country without wearing a crown.”

Where’s the follow-through on this? Where is it? This conversation has always felt like it was shoehorned in as a justification for Nikolai’s later decision. It feels very “oh shoot, I should lay the groundwork for why Abdicating Is Good For Him, Actually, let me slip this in halfway through.” but it’s strange to sow this seed of him wanting to be Sturmhond again, with no payoff.

After that comment, Nikolai goes on reflect about how he might do more good for Ravka as Sturmhond, since he wouldn’t be beholden to the bureaucratic process and lengthy decision-making. (He was happy to pick up a sword or a pen on Ravka’s behalf, to go without sleep or comfort in order to see a mission through. But kings didn’t take action—not the way that a privateer or even a general could.) So how, then, is it a good ending for Nikolai to abdicate his throne, yet remain beholden to the same bureaucratic processes—now with even less ability to make an impact—instead of serving Ravka as Sturmhond? How am I to believe he’ll be any happier as a mere advisor than he was as King? How will he not grow so restless he could burst?

Nikolai returning to Sturmhond is fitting, too. Of Nikolai’s many roles and masks he’s worn, Sturmhond is the only one he’s ever chosen entirely for himself. It’s the only thing he’s ever done because he wanted it—not because it was required of him. We first meet him as Sturmhond, young and high-spirited; it would be natural to leave him as Sturmhond once more, now more mature and more cognizant of what it means to serve his country. Instead, we leave him as… what, exactly? The second again, the spare? Nikolai Nothing?

There was so much build-up in King of Scars about the symbolism of Ravka and what it means to Nikolai. How Ravka is intertwined with his own identity, his restlessness, his search for belonging, his need to constantly fix, his self-sacrifice in the name of Ravka. His abdication COULD have been an opportunity to bring all those themes full circle and complete his character arc in a satisfying way. It’s the ultimate sacrifice in the name of Ravka—he loses the throne he always wanted, but in so doing achieves the peace he’d always fought for. The symmetry in that is so striking. You have to lose to win.

Yet the other problem with Nikolai’s abdication is that it’s not—in fact—an actual sacrifice. It’s all optics. Alina even notes it: “The too-clever fox gave up his throne, but still manages to stay a king.” But doesn’t that cheapen the abdication itself? Doesn’t that strip the action of meaning? By having Nikolai abdicate in name only, it renders what could be a powerful moment into essentially an empty and hollow gesture. There are no stakes. There is no narrative tension.

And if you refuse to give your characters real stakes to their decisions, then what is the point of them deciding to do anything?

From an in-universe perspective too, these are bad optics. If the people want Zoya to be Queen, if the people want the Lantsov dynasty to end, if they want these things enough that Nikolai must abdicate—how can he remain publicly by Zoya’s side as an advisor, let alone as a romantic partner? This actively undermines Zoya as a ruler. For a book concerned by the threat of a puppet king on the Ravkan throne, this ending must look very much like that to anyone outside our circle of heroes. It does not seem like a new era for Ravka, it does not seem like change. You cannot promise a new regime and then have the old regime stick around after.

Frankly, it’s hard to believe that politically-savvy Nikolai wouldn’t know this. The very first thing we learn about Nikolai is that he’s an expert in understanding and wielding the power of perception. I cannot believe he’d willingly undermine Zoya’s new role as Queen that way. His very presence casts doubt on the independence of her rule. I’m sure Leigh’s explanation would be “well The People like Zoya and Nikolai, so they’re allowed to do whatever they want and no one will care,” but I’m rightfully allowed to call that exceptionally cheap worldbuilding (if the universe rearranges itself to keep the protagonists from making hard choices, you’re not creating a good story)

what SHOULD HAVE happened—and could have happened easily, without the need to restructure or change the ending much at all—is that they spread the story that Nikolai has retired to some estate somewhere and left Zoya to rule. but instead he goes back to being Sturmhond. He still dedicates himself to Ravka, but in a different way (because he could never walk away from something that needs fixing). And new folk tales begin to spread over Ravka about a seafarer and a dragon, they say they meet atop the lighthouse in Os Kervo, they say the dragon can always find the ship in the night. That’s immediately a richer, more character-specific relationship dynamic. Maybe Nikolai reconnects with his bio dad; sometimes he comes back and throws an elaborate party at his estate just to maintain the ruse.

Ultimately, he loses some of what he had, but he gains the things he was longing for all along—freedom, family, not being beholden to anyone, choice in his identity, the ability to act decisively for the betterment of Ravka

it doesn’t mean losing Ravka, it doesn’t mean losing Zoya, but in order to love them and help them and fight for them, he must do it from a distance. Because that’s what loving them requires. It’s not “duty over love,” but rather it’s “duty as love.” And it means so much more than schmaltzy love declarations because it’s backed by real action, real commitment, and real sacrifice that demonstrates the love.

honestly, if I’m reading about the leaders of a country, I don’t want “and then they got everything they ever wanted and then some, and it was happily ever after.” The whole intrigue of leader characters is to see them make choices. It’s about the difficulty between duty vs desire, the self vs the collective, what you want vs what’s required. Leaders do not get to simply be themselves—and that’s the heart of their narrative struggle

Nikolai’s ending doesn’t work because it’s hollow. It disregards everything we’ve ever known about him as a character.

He has always been defined by his constant striving for the betterment of Ravka. It’s already hard to believe one shoved-in scene where he yearns to set aside what he’s always worked towards. It’s hard to believe that abdicating is the right ending for him. But if he must, then let him actually do it. Let him make a real sacrifice for Ravka. Let him give up what he’s worked towards because he knows it’s for the best. Let him return to sea and love his Ravka from afar, and love her better that way. Let there be meaning, let there be poignance, let the ending fit the character.  

I don’t want to read a story where the world bends around the characters to tidy everything up neatly for them. I want stories that are driven by the characters, where characters are defined by their choices, and where those choices mean something

It’s rather meta, if you think about it. Nikolai Lantsov’s issue is that he constantly squeezes himself into the shape of what other people need him to be. And then, within “his” own duology, the narrative itself squeezes and reshapes him in for the sake of plot convenience, with no regard for concluding his individual character arc

Just one more chapter. One more chapter of teal coats and setting sail and the sea before him.

It requires no structural plot changes. It would have been more meaningful for Nikolai as a character. It would have given his relationship with Zoya such poignance. A goodbye, for now. But a short one—it doesn’t take a dragon long to fly to the shore.

If it’s time for a new leader, if this is Ravka’s sea change, well—then let there be sea.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[hinamie]

inflict

[ilions-end]

i've noticed just how often achilles' dragging of hector's corpse is framed mostly as an act of extreme disrespect, or only some brutal show of triumph. personally i think that's underselling both achilles' intention and what the trojans must be thinking as they watch it happen.

hector's corpse is divinely protected so it can't be damaged by the greeks after death; all that effectively happens in the iliad is that his body gets dirty. but under normal circumstances (and i'm not gonna impose realism on mythology, but the iliad is famously detailed when it comes to bodily trauma), the physical reality of dragging a corpse along stony ground for miles would be severe disfigurement and dismemberment. first the skin would wear off, then soft tissues, then extremities would start to detach. i think the iliad's original audience would be aware of that as an intended outcome.

achilles (who doesn't yet know that hector's body has been granted divine stasis) doesn't just want to parade his enemy's corpse around, he wants to tear it apart ("i only wish that this fury inside my heart would drive me to carve you to pieces and eat your flesh raw..."), he wants it to not resemble a human anymore. he wants hector's blood and flesh to circle the city of troy. he wants to make it impossible for hector's family to gather the pieces of him to cremate and that way hector's spirit won't find passage into the underworld. that's what the gods are preventing from happening, they're not just keeping the corpse pretty for priam to pick up later.

[dinoserious]

giratina help me

[puppyeared]

who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️

ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday

[juney-blues]

when you're part of a group with structural power over another goup, you really do gotta just learn to say "i am not exempt from 'fuck 'em' when relevant" whenever someone expresses frustration with you or people like you.

[addamii]

If Alecto is a barbie world in a barbie girl, then Nona is living in a material girl and she is a material world

Available as a print here :)

[cuntylouis]

I feel like many people have a fundamental misconception of what unreliable narrator means. It's simply a narrative vehicle not a character flaw or a sign that the character is a bad person. There are also many different types of unreliable narrators in fiction. Being an unreliable narrator doesn't necessarily mean that the character is 'wrong', it definitely doesn't mean that they're wrong about everything even if some aspects in their story are inaccurate, and only some unreliable narrators actively and consciously lie. Stories that have unreliable narrators also tend to deal with perception and memory and they often don't even have one objective truth, just different versions. It reflects real life where we know human memory is highly unreliable and vague and people can interpret same events very differently

[all-my-ocs-are-evil]

Jason's been pestering Danny about why he looks like a borderline walking corpse for ages and Danny has decided to put his lying skills to the test. (he has none)

rambling below cut

I've been playing w the idea that the more Danny transforms, the more his ghost form gets "lively" while his human form gets weaker and more sickly. He knows that if he keeps transforming like this then, one day, he's not going to have a livable body to go back to, but he really doesn't want to think about all that. He's more interested in the weird "totally dead but not dead" Wayne son who may or may not have a thing for his sister.

everytime i do one these im like "this time I'll keep it simple so I don't have to suffer through colouring bc I have zero foresight—it'll be greyscale at most" and then all of the sudden its 4am and i'm trying to finish a stupid comic but i decided to add "some" colour to spice it up and hide my shitty ink job and then SOME COLOUR ALWAYS BECOMES FULL COLOUR WHY CAN I NOT ESCAPE THIS STUPID CYCLE!!

(did this all stem from me not being able to decide between a super pale character design and one w a vibrant tan bc I love white hair + tan but I also love extremely pale albino so I forced myself to find a way to make both work? never! that's absurd!)

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

[doomedclockworkdotmp3]

just a normal guy surrounded by residents with evil in their hearts

[kingkrillin]

just need to share how much I dislike this post lol

people will fully expect trans men to put ourselves on the line for everyone else and meanwhile the only time they acknowledge our existence is to talk about how "low risk" we are (obviously untrue) or to volunteer us out as a community for potentially dangerous activist endeavors that they wouldn't risk doing themselves

"we need to get uncomfortable!" and what's actually being discussed is convincing a subset of the community to be uncomfortable on your behalf while you do nothing to show solidarity with us

[hinamie]

make it vicious, take a stab