#And tbh I don't think I'll stick with one forever! By the time I'm on T I'm sure my sona will be someone other than Night Bright!
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To selfshippers who constantly change your self inserts; IT'S OKAY!! Just because you change your sona, tweak their design, shift their species, swap their clothing, completely redo them from the ground up, that doesn't mean you're indecisive or some other mean-sounding word. You're just exploring what fits you, and your FO(s), best.
There's nothing wrong with feeling fickle over a design for your self insert, I don't think anyone has ever made any kind of original character and stuck with their design forever. Designs change and grow as you change and grow, and that's beautiful to me :] Don't feel bad that you change your self insert the second an idea strikes, or inspiration smacks you upside the head, you can change your self insert however you'd like and whenever you'd like!
[Pr*shippers and the like; do NOT touch. This is not for you, and never will be for you. You can disrespectfully fuck off.]
#talking ! 💫#self ship#self insert#self shipping#self inserting#selfship#selfinsert#selfshipping#selfinserting#safe ship#safeship#safe shipping#safeshipping#self ship positivity#self insert positivity#positivity#Feel free to ignore the following;#If you follow me then you KNOW how often I go through mlp self inserts jkghfj#I bet you could find a minimum of five different mlp creatures on this blog that I have used to represent myself 😭#And tbh I don't think I'll stick with one forever! By the time I'm on T I'm sure my sona will be someone other than Night Bright!
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/359b35f2442bb3a3bb3fca1cbc83697d/bbac218c0061cd6d-6d/s540x810/5c7ff55031f9230d62ad739f3e1eb09aee73a175.jpg)
A/N: I've been thinking a lot about shorter, little bite-sized bits of writing. I've seen them called drabbles or ficlets (I don't like either name tbh) but they are more manageable for me right now than longer fics.
I'll write them when I can and to keep them a bit organized, I'll group them together in a series I'm calling Moments in Time. Just short, little snapshots of different moments between characters, sometimes Reader and sometimes my OCs.
They may be fluffy or spicy or angsty or comfort or silly. Whatever strikes me!
Some will be based on requests still in my inbox, some will be just my own musings and things I want to write and maybe I'll take requests here and there when I can.
Anyway, thanks for reading all this. I appreciate you doing so💜Enough rambling: Here's the first one!
Keith x Reader
WC: 450
The rain pours down from weeping clouds, the kind that cover the entire sky, gray and heavy with unknown sorrows. You duck into the greenhouse, seeking shelter from the aquatic assault, your clothing heavy with water and sticking unpleasantly to your skin. The rain has plucked at your hair, freeing strands from your hair pins and curls them around its curious fingers. It leaves them framing your face, a flushed portrait of surprise and escape.
Catching your breath, you listen to the steady drumming sound that fills the usually quiet space of the greenhouse and breathe in deeply. If the color green had a smell, this would be it. It’s petrichor and loam, it’s soft and sweet and earthy. The ground when it’s been tilled. The opening of rose blossoms. The blush of springtime, the kiss of summer, the waning sigh of autumn.
You don’t know he is in here too until he says your name. The consonants and vowels of it fill space between the raindrops, rumbling through the glass enclosure on the waves of his deep, sonorous voice.
Keith.
His eyes are brighter than lightning. They gleam gold, sharp and shiny as he takes in the sight of you. He misses nothing: the parting of your lips as your heartbeat quickens, the clenching of your fingers into the wet folds of your skirt, the tension in your shoulders when you find yourself alone with him.
The answering flash of desire in your own gaze.
He crosses the space, his long legs swallowing the distance between you greedily. This isn’t the gentle prince you’ve come to know. This is the other prince. The prince who is sharp-edged, dangerously beautiful and shockingly unapologetic. Fearless in the face of his own wants.
And now he wants you.
You’ve walked the line of yearning before with him but never crossed it. A brush of hands here, a knowing smile there. Always dancing along the precipice but never diving off into the dark unknown.
Not until now. Now when the world outside is raging, when rules are scattered in the unfettered wind and the rain is chanting:
Now.
Now.
Now.
Wordlessly, he pulls you into his arms and you yield willingly, anticipation surging through your veins in turbulent waves.
He kisses you.
He finally, finally kisses you and just like that, your life is forever divided into before and after.
He kisses you and just like that, the world blurs. It’s washed away because there is nothing but the feel of his powerful hands on your waist, the exquisite taste of his mouth, the savory scent of him.
He kisses you and just like that you’re devoted. Obsessed. Captivated. You will crave him every moment you are apart and even more when you are together.
He kisses you, hungrily, greedily, with rapidly growing need. He sinks to the ground with you held possessively against him, lust and fervor rushing through you both, wild and unstoppable.
And just like that, you’re his.
Taglist: @alexxavicry @queengiuliettafirstlady @bellerose-arcana @thewitchofbooks @aria-chikage
@tele86 @dear-mrs-otome @writingwhimsey @mxrmaid-poet @silver-dahlia
@wendolrea @nightfoxqueen @myonlyjknight @ikesimpleton @ikemenlibrary
@namine-somebodies-nobody @whatever-fanfics @chirp-a-chirp @got7igot7family @kookie-my-little-sunshine
@mastering-procrastinating @portrait-ninja @starlitmanor-network @sh0jun @queen-dahlia
@themysticalbeing @nightghoul381 @whitelittlebunny @chi-the-idiot @bubblexly
@keithsandwich @mrlovesimps
#ikemen series#ikemen prince#ikepri#keith howell#ikepri keith#ikemen keith#moments in time series#ikemen fanfic#ikemen fanfiction#otome fanfiction#ikemen prince fanfiction#keith x reader#violettwrites
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TELL US ABOUT YOUR OTHER AUS (IF ABLE AND WILLING AND YOU WANT TO) ‼️‼️‼️
Tread carefully, Anon... Once I start yapping, I can't stop (jokes on you tho, I love yapping. Let's go)
I assume you mean aus for HSR specifically? I've got a lot more for genshin, but to stop myself from going on massive tangents, I'll just stick to HSR. I'll keep them all as summaries and go into more depth if there's any interest. Ok here we go:
Chimera Yanqing has kinda become my whole thing now, but I've never actually mentioned the other characters that I've also made chimera forms for. Namely Jing Yuan.
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He doesn't really have any lore...? Unlike Yanqing, I was too focused on making him look pretty, which is easy because it's Jing Yuan. I'll make an update if I add anything more to his lore, cause I'd hate to just leave him unfinished forever. I do have a chimera Yunli au too, which I'll also save for another time. (Also keep in mind that he has wayyyy more fur than what I've shown. It just would've made his actual form unclear. He is very, very fluffy, canonically)
Mara-struck Yanqing (aka How the general ate the cabbage). Made a whole fic for this one, the plot is in the pudding, and by pudding I mean my ao3 lol. Instead of deflecting Jingliu's ult, Yanqing is instead killed and mara-stricken, and everything falls apart from there. Keeping it vague since it's still in progress. As of writing this, I'm three chapters in, so check it out if you're interested <3
Band au. I actually forgot about this one until I went through my list. Basically, It's a modern au where the high cloud quintet were a huge band back in ye olden days of the mid 1980s until their downfall, where the lead singer (Baiheng) is killed in an accident, triggering a series of unfortunate fates for 3 of the 4 remaining members. Jing Yuan is the only member still working in the industry and adopted Yanqing roughly 20 years after the the HCQ's fallout. One day, though, after years of no contact, Blade comes back into Jing Yuan's life, seeking refuge from law enforcement, and it all tumbles out of control from there after Jing Yuan accepts. The rest of the story would follow a very suspicious Yanqing wondering what the deal is with his dad's weird new boyfriend, and eventually reuniting the 4 remaining members (getting the band back together, as Phineas would say). There is SO much lore for this one, but it would take up this entire post to explain, so I'll probably just make it into its own post (with designs ofc). Tbh I haven't done as much work on this one as the others simply because I just don't know that much about music? Zel does though, so if I ever come back to it, I can go to him as a consultant.
Kind of an odd one, but I'm including it since it sorta counts, and I've become pretty fond of it over time. Mom Lumine au(s) Xiaother being Yanqing's dads is one of my favorite little crack aus. This au is the brainchild of imagining Yanqing as Lumine's child instead, but me as the author not enjoying xiaolumi as much. Thus, this was born. There's not really a story? Just a bunch of loosely put together concepts with multiple potential narratives that I find fun. Most of the time I default Childe as Yanqing's bio dad. In a weird way, it makes sense in my head? Yanqing resembles Lumine and uses a sword, and has that same go-getting, battle-hungry attitude as Childe, with all the knock-outs to boot. I mainly imagine chilumi as this interstellar crime duo; the Bonnie and Clyde of space, if you will. Because, honestly, if Yanqing's parents are ever to be revealed, would it not be the funniest thing for them to turn out to be criminals? I think it's hilarious, because Yanqing himself would be mortified.
Guardian Blade/Stellaron Hunter Yanqing au. These names are kinda lazy cause I usually don't make official titles for them unless their a fic, which this one happens to be. Here, Yanqing is an abomination of abundance, and as my interpretation usually goes, the only person who knows about this is Jing Yuan. Him and one other - blade, who was confided in the secret shortly after Jing Yuan had taken baby Yanqing in. Jing Yuan made Blade promise that, should the truth ever be uncovered and Jing Yuan punished, Blade is to take Yanqing and protect him. And years down the line, when the truth does finally reveal itself, Blade fulfills his promise. Theoretically, Yanqing would then join the stellaron hunters, albeit unenthusiastically. I haven't actually made any plans for that concept outside of a single one-shot. I still need to finish the actual fic first lmao.
Mara-struck Jing Yuan au. Probably the least original one I have to offer, because there's nothing particularly unique about it aside from one little twist I added that I think differentiates it, and that's that Yanqing doesn't actually kill Jing Yuan, or vice versa. Instead, Jing Yuan, in his current state, attacks everyone and everything except for Yanqing, and actually goes out of his way to keep Yanqing away from danger. The way I rationalize this (and this is me stretching the mara lore a LOT) is that Yanqing is so important to Jing Yuan that he creates a sort of blind spot to the mara when present; he is both innately precious and harbors only positive memories in Jing Yuan's mind, so in a way, he retroactively contradicts the way mara-struck!Jing Yuan would normally perceive him, seeing Yanqing as something to protect rather than attack (i hope that made any sense </3). This would probably never actually happen in canon. I just really like the idea of Jing Yuan's love for his son being so strong that it stays with him even after he's gone mad and can no longer remember what Yanqing means to him.
Progenitor au. Saved this one for last because it's been occupying my entire brain for the past few days. It's based on Dillongoo's Progenitor Albedo series, and by based, I mean it's just the same au, same universe and everything, but HSR. I won't go into the details because I'm planning to make it its own dedicated post as well, but I think its safe to say its becoming my favorite au out of all of these. I already have some designs and original lore cooked up, so hopefully I can post about it soon.
I think that's all of them? Debatable if some of these even count as aus, but who cares. I hope you enjoyed my rambles and found my ideas interesting enough to read through. I'm hoping to eventually give them some more life and make actual content with them.
Till next time <3
#tumblr pls dont smite me for drawing man tibbies#honkai star rail#hsr#ask#hsr au#yanqing#jing yuan#high cloud quintet#hsr hcq#hsr blade#chimera jing yuan#why not#long post#fanart
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Who do we think The Black Dog is about? It could be Joe but that would go against the popular theory that both major Joe songs on TTPD are the track 5s on the main album and anthology.
Also the "you said I needed a brave man, then proceeded to play him until I believed it too" is VERY "the coward claimed he was a lion" and "you didn't measure up to any measure of a man" coded.
Also she seems to go easier on Joe in songs...so the whole bitter and scathing "I hope it's shitty in the black dog" sticks out like a sore thumb. But if it's Matty then why does the song reference a long term relationship with password sharing and old habits (if Taylor and Matty were mostly on and off).
What about the "six weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke" parallel with Daylight? TBD is my favorite off of TTPD but I can't for the life of me interpret who it's about.
idk! i go back and forth and generally land on the idea that, like other songs, joe being the cause and matty being the effect, mean they're both swirled together. i had a big brain thought about this that i'll explain what i mean at the end of this post. but first, here are my thoughts:
agree that the bitter scathing songs feel very matty-coded - but the thing is, she's clearly angry about joe, it's just more in the background. she's said in other songs that she was angry about joe wasting her youth, claiming he loved her but not showing it. it stands to reason she'd be in disbelief, and hurt, that he just... moved on, post break-up.
long-term relationship habits: tbh, i don't think location-sharing and showering together are a smoking gun for a ltr. you can easily do those things with someone you're down bad for, no matter how little time has passed. could go either way.
the starting line is, apparently, a matty thing?
i don't think "i still miss the smoke" is necessarily a daylight parallel. it could be! it bring to mind lavender haze, missing the "haze" that clouded your judgment, but it also harkens back to clean, and not wanting to fall into a harmful addiction again, which then leads me to, "one slip and falling back into the hedge maze" where you're lost and out of control. the hedge maze could be matty, but it could also be a habit of, idk, love ending.
the line that pops out to me at each listen is "all of those best laid plans" though - it reminds me so much of "my best laid plan, your sleight of hand" in hoax, and "i'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans" in willow.
and "do you hate me?" feels like something you might wonder about an ex you left. but "was it hazing for a cruel fraternity" feels like the smallest man, was it a joke? a game? were you a spy? was it hazing?
but then you think about the meaning of the rest of the line: "was it hazing for a cruel fraternity? i pledged and i still mean it, old habits die screaming."
she pledged herself to the relationship, and maybe it was a sick joke. but imo this is also a broader statement: if love is a joke, i still pledged, i still believe(d) in it. if all these men played a trick on me, if i am cursed to be alone forever, i want to change the prophecy. which, again, leads me to the explanation that - if the top story is about matty, it's still about all those experiences, primarily joe, that brought her to that choice.
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What gave you the inspiration to make your AU?
Short answer? I'm delusional lmao.
Honestly, I was just bored during summer and thought, "why not get back to writing again?". I wasn't actually planning on staying long, like maybe write a few chapters and then dip and maybe delete the account once I'm bored. But here I am still, lol.
For the time travel au, I answered this before in another ask, but I just made my own version of @ironbatpaperturtle's time travel au since they deactivated and I really really wanted a continuation of that au. That, and I was just reading a couple of revenge stories, and as much as I love it, I also hated it when the authors usually make the mc not go through their revenge plot - 'revenge is bad' blah blah blah and then they get the bad end of the stick even though they were the initial victim. So, if you noticed with how I wrote the first parts of the time travel au, I made Adam very adamant and determined with his goals (he still is even in the latest chapters, even though he feels less worthy of the garden now). Now, I'm not saying the way I wrote Adam makes him a 'victim', my guy didn't even bother and try to maybe be friends with both Lucifer and Lilith in his second life. He's just a hater, and yes, that's a flaw, I'm not excusing it. I mean, at the start he was just cozying up to Mike to have a backup just in case things go bad. He does soften up in later chapters though.
Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that I mainly wanted a story not necessarily heavy on plot, but more so on the mc's development as a person.
For the swap au, well, I just love a good old role reversal story. It's just fun. Also, I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but *kinda spoiler-ish* the swap au is, in a way, like the opposite of the time travel au. In what way? I won't elaborate lol. But it's fun! I love creating 'foils'; either for characters, developments, themes, or even whole stories. So, I guess, in a weird egoistic way, my own time travel au inspired me to write the swap au?
Honestly, I can't really properly answer what inspired me to write my aus. At the simplest reason, I just wanted to convey a theme or a feeling. That's how I usually start writing. Maybe I listen to a song, read a poem, see a nice picture, feel something, etc. Like I could be walking and something random would inspire me and I would just quickly make a note of 'the feeling' in my phone. Like one time I was on the bus and I thought the gloomy sky with the sun behind dark grey clouds looked pretty cool at that moment. It kind of reminded me of a hole in the sky, somewhat like a portal or a signal to the world ending, so I took note of that and now I have another story in the drafts (I don't think I'll ever get to it though, with how busy I am).
Sounds really lame, but I write to make an atmosphere, I guess? I just want to capture that sensation permanently into writing; doesn't matter if it's negative or positive or neither, I want it saved forever. So anything inspires me really, from the most random tunes to the prettiest words, and then I just piece them all together. I don't really have a singular inspiration.
What keeps me writing? I'm just too stubborn to leave things unfinished. There's also the fact that I'm currently obsessed with Adam lol.
On a somewhat related note, 'Birds of a Feather' by Billie Eilish really suits the time travel au.
So... Time travel au -> a soft, blooming change from within Swap au -> more like a crashing, unwanted change Promises au -> lonely people finding comfort with each other (I was probably just feeling lonely when I thought of this au tbh)
I'm not sure I answered your question properly, but, eh I tried. Really, I'm not artsy enough to draw proper, solid inspirations, I'm just a delusional student who's heavy into STEM - so no imagination at all lol.
Did I go off topic? Yes, multiple times. Did I answer your question, anon? Most likely not, sorry.
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Dash Game: Behind the Mun
Name: Saturn (used to go by Moon way back when)
Pronouns: she/her
Most Active Muses: this guy lol, I have a couple ladies on sideblogs but he won't let me ever write with them cause he demands all the attention.
Experience: I used to write a Loki about like fifteen years ago lol we don't talk about that, it was my first dabble into rp on tumblr. I then created an OC who was tied to the Titanfall lore and then I moved her to her own lore and sci-fi world but she went quiet on me when life changed and got busy, so I left the tumblr community. I came back here with Logan and now idk if I'll stay here forever but until I feel I'm not welcome anymore.
Fluff, angst, or smut: fluff, angst, and smut, in that order. I love fluff, my boy needs it massively tbh, and then angst cause we always love trauma here, and then smut if applicable or fade to black of course. For me there's much more character growth and development in highly emotional moments and the softer quiet ones too.
Long or short replies: While I used to do explicitly long replies and novella type stuff, I find I can't do that much anymore except on rare occasions, so I do a mixture of both nowadays but stick more to small when I can't really have any brainpower to spare for more.
Pet peeves: don't really feel comfy disclosing them because it's all bad experiences this time around that have led to ptsd and i'm tryna work on it.
Are you like your muse: in the way of some chronic pain, yes, otherwise I couldn't be further from Logan in every other respect. He is very much a love letter to veterans and their sacrifices, he's inspired in part by my dad and his time in the Air Force, and my cousins, uncles and great grandfather, who all served their country. He's a very personal muse and I think he will be my baby forever.
Time to write: I used to be evening strictly but nowadays I can barely handle a mass of writing. I tend to split it up or sprinkle handwritten replies through the day, then coming home and transcribing them here and either live posting or queueing.
Borrowed from @lanternlit
Tagging @ttheagcd @scftmen @turkicgods @reidinthedeep @adversitybloomed @sxrgeant @bruz3r and anyone else who wants to
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oohhh hoo hoookaayyyyyyyy
time to tackle this big ass review. uhhhhhh welcome to the BFDIA 17/TPOT 15 review!
as noted, Spoilers Ahead!
so hhhhh lets start off with BFDIA 17. Personally, I think that this was the weaker of the two episodes, but!! and this is a very huge massive but!! That doesn't mean it was bad because hooooollly shit. As much as a Time Travel episode/episodes was a guarantee, I was NOT expecting it to be this well done.
Needle, the absolute Icon she is, starts off this episode with some awesome skills. She is running from Evil Leafy, she is amazing! and she is part of a bike now. Yet another brilliant 3d section.
I'm incredibly glad the lol-ers are gone. Ballooney did get annoying last episode tbh. Also the Spongey hate game is commendable. Also incredibly glad the other eliminated contestants are here to host now. Although, and this is a big although, I wish theyd stick to one host. I do like seeing Golf Ball again.
Fumigation made me laugh, GET THEM OUT OF THERE!!! THEY ARE PESTS!!!
I'm glad Pencil got the boot. She deserved it. Put her back in that classroom/j
SHOCKED THAT NEEDLE DIDN'T GET OUT BUT LIKE- ICON THAT SHE IS LETS GO. SHE WAS UP FOR ELIMINATION TWICE, FUCKING TWICE, AND SHE WAS SAFE. Honestly she's my pick to win BFDIA.
I'm glad she didn't stay with doing the two team thing. You go with Fries, girlie. FrieSmart forever.
incredibly based challenge btw. I really like the concept tbh.
Also shout out to Big Block.
I adore Book's storyline in this, probably more than any other in this episode. Ultimate Fetch Quest. With great cameos btw!!! Although I think Mirror and Spool are my favourites.
Nickel and TB had a fun storyline with the time travel stuff. I like the explanation to what Donut and Bottle were discussing in BFB 1.
The weakest one was probably Coiny and Pin's and Needle and Fries. Although I do like Fries calling Evil Leafy "EL". Besties to me... also a little Toxic of a team... love them lots...
As much as I dislike Coiny and Pin, ik with their popularity, I think one of them might win. I still want Needle to win, or Nickel! I think Nickel deserves a win.
Overall a little more boring than TPOT but there are moments I enjoy. I suppose we're getting the return of Leafy but idk, I've never cared for Leafy.
NOW TIME FOR TPOT!!
RAHHHHGGGGHHHHHH SO MANY THOUGHTS
the failed Debuters plus Nickel being the cause of all this. love them lots. Oh the guilt Nickel must know if he ever finds out...
I find this episode very chaotic, but it sets up so SO much.
Gaty and Two bestieness real... "Don't worry about it, Two, I can handle this!" PROCEEDS TO NOT BE FINE.
I honestly cant wait to see how this storyline plays out. I adore that Two has their favourite contestant and keeps her around. like- sorry they're so besties to me.
ALSO THE CONFIRMATION OF TWO'S TEXTURE!!! EVERONE CHEERED!!! THANK YOU LIY!!!! Papery motherfucker/affectionate. Honestly my one question I had if I go to the meetup this year would have been what Two's texture was, mayhaps I can ask about One's or smth...
anywho! Cake at Stake was... far too chaotic for my liking. I know it was to set up the "Something is wrong here" but like- I just- I don't get it. On my initial watch I could barely keep track of what was going on. As much as I didn't really like Black Hole for most of BFDI, I think he really stuck out this episode. He was the best straight man he could be, he played it well.
also FUCKING BASKETBALL AND ROBOT FLOWER GETTING THE BOOT?????? WHAT????? HOW DARE US????
That begs the question, What happens to Basketball with One? Is the contract revoked? Does she get special treatment? What happens??????????
The appearances from Three were interesting. They do exist! But who are they? What do they want? Many questions....
also VR HEADSET!!! PLAYED BY JACKSFILMS!!!! Tbh I really enjoy Jacksfilms content. I'll like- binge his videos every few months. Its a good time. I kinda hope we see more of Vr Headset.
Onto the challenge. Might I say, incredibly fun challenge! The use of the yoyleite, despite it being obvious, was still fun to see. I liked how it was done.
One stand out part was Shoppy Cart. She was the only one remorseful. Only one with any guilt. She's willing to go back, and didn't need to die. I think that makes me like her a lot more tbh.
I feel like it got to a lull midway where it felt a little repetitive. While it had its moments there still, it just felt like Get Contestant, Kill Them, Cause a Fuckton of Damage, Leave. Although my two standouts were Liy ofcofc being her girlbossiest self and finally getting her fully flipped power boost, and the section with Boom Mic. ALSO THE FANNY AND BUBBLE TRUTHERS REJOICE! Even if you don't ship them, honestly their platonic friendship is something I could make an essay on.
The ending, oooohhhh the ending. Pencil's crash out... As much as I dislike Pencil, I kinda felt for her in that moment. Good for her. GB also getting a beautiful spotlight again... you go girl.
AND THAT MOMENT OF "its too late... we've caused too much damage..." I WANTED TO CRY... I HAD TEARS. THE. THE LITTLE GROUPINGS... SNOWBALL AND GRASSY... DEATH PACT... THEY FINALLY BROUGHT PIN INTO THE GROUP HUG........ ICE CUBE FORGIVING BOOK FOR THE END OF THE WORLD... EVEN JUST FOR A SECOND.... TENNIS BALL AND TV HAD TO FACE THE END ALONE... TB WAS SEPERATED FROM GOLF BALL... IMAGINE HOW THEY FELT...
Fanny and Ice Cube's silent agreement about One is everything to me.... I hope to god they're safe..................
TWO SEEING THE DAMAGE, TWO SEEING THAT GATY IS GONE.... TWO WILL NOT BE OK... HELL, I'M NOT OK.
ALSO THE POST CREDITS. Firey and 8ball!!! Good for them on they adventure....
AND THE ELIMINATED CONTESTANTS AT THE NUMBER PLAYGROUND WHAT
WHAT
WHAT!!!!!
and the the Fanny plush!!!!! you already know I'm gonna get that.
ok...ok I think I'm done. Sorry for getting a little emotional, it was, a lot...
It's gonna be one hell of a year for bfdi!
let me know what you thought!
#bfdi#bfdia#bfdia 17#bfdia 17 spoilers#bfdia spoilers#tpot#tpot 15#tpot 15 spoilers#tpot spoilers#duck reviews
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Babes this playlist SLAPS can I ask for commentary I want to match them all to their people and vibes and moments but I’m only S3 so I’m not sure yet!!
LET'S GOOOO OK honestly so many of these are just generally Pack Songs but some are more specific!!!
1 - No Surrender. Blood brothers in the stormy night with a vow to defend! We made a promise! This is one of the most teen wolf songs of all time to ME it's about loyalty and dedication and remembrance!!!
2 - Are You Satisfied. A Lydia song, also perhaps a Stiles song. But also about the bite, the question of is it a gift or does it just drive away the people you care about?
3 - Let The Rain. ALLISON SONG ALLISON SONG if I owned this city I'd make it behave! If I were fearless I'd speak my truth! I wish I were brave!!!! I just!!!!!
4 - Start of Time. This song is from when spoilers but I think you've seen it already where Lydia first kisses Stiles to calm him down and the way the music bursts into the scene out of nowhere? Changed my life as a musical moment!!! Had to be there just for that!!!!
5 - We Are Young. I still love this song so much I mean! If you feel like falling down I'll carry you home tonight! It's about how they are just kids!how the show never loses that there is a lightness to that! But also especially in like season 5 there are moments when the group fails and then regroups and how they're not perfect but they'll rebuild again and again!
6 - mirrorball. Another Lydia song perhaps but mainly a Kira (BELOVED GIRL) song. There's a tenderness to the fear of it, this intimacy in the anxiety which is very her to me! Also I'm still a believer and I don't know why is applicable to so many characters.
7 - I Wanna Dance With Somebody. This is purely here for the Vibes tbh but the vibes feel right somehow???
8 - Like Real People Do. THE monster romance anthem! We should just kiss like real people do the idea that you're not a real person anymore but you can still love!!! You get it!!!!
9 - Shade of Yellow. Scott and Stiles song need I say more but ALSO Scott and Isaac song 💖💖
10 - Venus Fly Trap. I got the beauty got the brains, got the power, hold the reins, I should be motherfucking crazy! Lydia song of all time that's my GIRL
11 - Till Forever Falls Apart. Song about California let's goooo. This is a pack song - there is always the anxiety of losing each other! But the love was worth it!!!
12 - One Foot in Front of the Other. A 3b Scott song primarily though also applicable to Stiles. Things just take longer to heal these days but I'm coming for you! The idea of I'll be back soon I'll be there for you soon it's taking a minute but I'll be there!
13 - marjorie. There is a thing with Allison in season five I will not spoiler but yeah, but also this is about Stiles' mom.
14 - The Boys of Summer. What is a teen wolf playlist without a Stiles and Lydia song. My love for you will still live on after the boys of summer have gone. The thing about them is that Stiles starts with a kinda creepy crush but he inherently is not capable of being romantically creepy for long so it turns into something real and lasting unexpectedly and you're a little shaken by it you really are!
15 - Renegade. Remember Braeden? Slay woman saves Isaac gets scratched and apparently killed by the alpha pack? She comes back baby and spoilers this is about her and Derek also she is the love of my life.
16 - Strangler Fig. Song for the Argents. Gerard you will always be my biggest opp Allison you did so good getting out.
17 - Villains. You haven't met Theo yet, frankly season 5a (and 6b) are the weakest bits and he turns up in 5a but yeahhh this is for him, not my favourite man but worth sticking around for his arc and also 5b is so much better than 5a truly.
18 - Rose-coloured Boy. LYDIA AND SCOTT SONG I think Lydia is constantly taken aback by Scott I think she has quite a cynical worldview and then Scott breaks it constantly and she's left surprised. I want you to stop insisting that I'm not a lost cause!!! But he keeps insisting and that saves her perhaps!!!
19 - Neck of the Woods. YOU GET IT I'm finding the ghosts are just kids in pain most dear lyric of all time.
20 - long story short. Ok so the actual verses not exactly the vibe generally but long story short I survived! That's it baby! Also "I dropped my sword, threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door and now we live in peace but if someone comes for us this time I'm ready" inexplicably a Derek verse to me! The way he goes from fighting for power to fighting to protect! I'm so proud of that man.
21 - Home. Home IS wherever I'm with you!!! That's it!!! Man oh man you're my best friend I'll scream it to the nothingness! You defeat the void and the darkness with your FRIENDS!!!!
Love how many of these my description was Vibes but you GET IT I'm so glad you like the playlist.
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SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.
WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?
🧍 you know how long that'd take me to list out??? anyways, i'll limit the ones that have made me the most feral over the years —
@huntershowl + litho : yall want to talk about slow burn? that moment where we both clapped and they mushed faces together will forever be ingrained in my brain. 4 entire years worth of waiting....
@hnjwn / @cordoliae + chanyeol : insane. they're insane! the sheer depth they somehow fumbled into is just.. outstanding tbh. even though they're both hibernating, i had to mention them
HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?
i'm personally only comfortable with romantic age gaps of around 10ish years. and, yes, i'll admit that does bleed into my characters a lot.
HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFT?
just before sexual foreplay + more. not that i really delve into that a lot anymore. but hey! if the stars align and the mood's right, then it still might happen.
ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?
with mutuals? no..... god no........ granted, chemistry is still a very big thing. not every random pair of muses will stick and that's okay! but if you have even an inkling of joy with a romantic ship between our muses, i'm almost always on the same exact boat. so please never, ever be afraid to voice that!
WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?
**please know that i probably missed a ton ( rip my work shocked brain ), but these are just the first ships i can think of where we've had in threads or yapped ooc!**
currently established:
@huntershowl / @icarusplunged + seph/litho & seph/jie/ricochet & seph/adal/lior & rusa/ricochet — need i say more? the original marked dating sim hard launch tbh OHGAWOIGH anyways, doesn't matter how long either of us go on hiatus. one of us keeps crawling back
@miidnighters + bella/jie & hartley/cruor/iris — the way both of them just stuck? it's amazing, jaw dropping, heart warming!!! every aspect of a robust, well rounded relationship can be hit in either, i love them both so, so much.
just starting ( and super excited for ):
@xinxiins + jie — don't get me started on how many times my heart's ached already. there's such a cultural connection that guts me Every Time 😭
@chth0nia + cruor — every time i think of them, i think of that crying dog pic you sent. exactly how i feel about them!!!!
@bloodykneestm + whoever you want lbr — i've yet to write those starters for iggy and alastair but just you Wait……
@interxstitial + literally anyone — like, okay yeah there's ravi sure ( i do love them though ), but if there's anyone else that piques your interest... you just let me know and i'll fedex express ship them over. i'll even cover the cost dw
past:
@temporalobjects + botan/clarence/pildo & iwai + chanyeol : i don't think i've ever had a canon latch onto a ship so quickly before? and the fact that it's technically post canon and he's lumped with two sunshiny loveable dorks! then there's... yknow.. the other two that keep dancing around each other. shed many tears from angst and laughter over both ships, drawn at least 1 or 2 things for each ♡
@womanlives + mercy/jie & dez/clarence : my 'missing you' letter. i hope you know that those two ships have brought me such immense joy and tears at the same time. truly have a special place in my heart ♡♡♡
DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?
more like showing interest, i feel like? asking can be sooooo anxiety inducing ( i know it can be the same with just mentioning it ), but there's a very good chance i'm already jumping up and down in glee with the exact same thought so! just let me know!!
ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?
it's toned down a bit ( barely ) ever since i've been overtaken with how dear and important other types of connections are. but yeah, still love ships with all my heart
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?
n/a
FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?
just let a clown know. yall know where to find me in my lil' clown corner. if you're more plot heavy, then hell yeah! we can chat up a storm! if you're more 'throw things at the wall and see what sticks' intensive, then hell yeah! i love punting these idiots out and see what happens in the weirdest ( or saddest ) situations. applies to both monogamous and polyamorous ships!
tagged by : i was tagged... in it so that counts right? ( thnkx @huntershowl muah muah )
#* & make way for rapid clown honking — ooc .#// tl;dr: if you scream. i scream back. if you whisper. i whisper back
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Kunikidarling for the ask game. Yes, all the questions
Rohini....please, making me work hard
Asks
1. Why do you like or dislike this character?
In short, i like Kuni because he knows who he is and what he's about and he is veryvery kind and smart while also being gullible and aggressive
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
He knows who he is and refuses to betray himself
3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?
Because he sticks to his ideals so much, he doesn't take care of himself/let himself relax/take time to enjoy things
4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?
Uh. would be interesting to see him in Fringe (don't ask follow ups. i have not seen that show in forever and also never finished it epotihbgrsiajf)
5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?
Artifice by Sohn
6. What's something you have in common with this character?
our taste in men jk. loyalty
7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?
the post mersault hcs that have come up with his hand tremors are really nice
8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?
i haven't seen anything yet that i dislike? i follow good people ig
9. Could you be roommates with this character?
yes, but he would hate me cuz I'm a mess woeighsf
10. Could you be best friends with this character?
uh good friends, probably. best friends? he might grate on my nerves
11. Would you date this character?
nah
12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?
Kuni is very smart and intuitive. Still, i think he prefers direct and concise communication. Dazai drives him up the wall because they never say what they mean. Watching Ranpo and Dazai also drives him up the wall because he can't really understand speechless communication
13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?
the pen emoji
14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.
hahaha um i know nothing about fashion. slacks and button ups?
15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)
kunichuuzai
16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?
can't think of one
17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?
most of them idk i don't think about it much tbh eprojsghfafsjd
18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?
i like the relationship and dynamic with Ranpo, wish we could see more of it
19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?
n/a
20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?
Kataaaaaaai
21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?
Kuni is so hard for me to write tbh. I like having him be the foundation, the steady ground for the other characters around him (i also enjoy breaking him tho cuz that's just who i am)
22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?
i can't think of how to specifically describe it but i love the way Grace writes Kuni so much. so just...that ig
dislike: i hate when he's written like a mom character
23. Favorite picture of this character?
Too lazy to find one eogrhidsoraejfg you're getting 20 other answers so i hope you'll forgive me
24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?
*brain starts making dial-up noises* if i can think of anyone i'll let you know
25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?
It's been way too long since i first met him to remember but i love him a lot
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happy talk shop tuesday!!ヾ('▽') what are some of your favorite works that you go back to to find inspiration? what compels you to those works and is there anything about them that you want to learn from?
This is a fantastic question!
There are a few from my younger years that I've lost the links to that I still think about. I first got into fandom and fic through the ATLA fandom on ffn and I don't have my account there anymore, but several that I read then still stick with me.
There was a very long one I read back then - maybe in 2013 - (I think called Roku University or something similar) that taught me how characters can be in an very different AU from canon and can still maintain their personalities and perspectives. No matter how warped the au is, you can always find the core threads of what makes that character *them*. It's a very nature vs. nurture kind of debate in fandom tbh, but I think about it often now.
"Where Have All The Heroes Gone And Where Are All The Gods?" By Anthemyst is one I've read many times over the years, though it's been a while since my last reread. This is one of the fics that really showed me that OCs can be done well in fic. They can be compelling and have very interesting storylines of their own, and not everything needs to follow specifically the canon characters.
More recently, I often look to memoriaeterna's work for fantastic inspiration on rewriting the canon in interesting ways. The Endgame era and what's come after it gave us so much lore about the MCU's tech and magic that hasn't really been used to its full potential imo, and memoriaeterna loves to explore all of that too. I have my own MCU rewrite I'm considering and their work is definitely a huge inspiration for me with that.
Finally, I'll add that "Peter Parker's Tapeworm" by Ginevra_Benci is the fic that actually dragged me into the Spidey fandom this time around. I've read it many times and it's a fantastic take on what *could have been* post No Way Home. While the direction I've taken SMH is very different, SMH would never have existed without this fic, and for that I'm very grateful.
I could probably go on forever but I'll leave it there for now. Thank you so much for asking <3
(I'm on mobile so lmk if any of the links don't work!!)
#talk shop tuesday#foviewpoint#I feel very inspired by a lot of what I've read#and I'm still upset with past me who never used the bookmark feature until 2023#so finding old fics i loved is so hard#fandom rambles#writer rambles
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new year's ask game for fic writers:
thanks for the tags @mybrainismelted and @rayrayor !
1) What fic did you have the most fun writing this year and why? Or, if you can’t decide, what was most fun about writing this year for you?
i had the most fun writing what we stay alive for this past year, it was really a passion project of mine that turned into this wonderful labor of love
2) What’s a scene/story that you finished and felt “wow, I really accomplished that, that actually went so well”?
probably loving you with no conditions, i've always really wanted to write a fic with that premise but i put it off for a long time because i was worried i wouldn't do it justice. but in the end, i think people really liked it, and it's one of the fics i'm most proud of tbh
3) What helped provide the most inspiration for stories, if anything? Was it poetry? A song on repeat? A gorgeous gifset? A walk outside? A book you read that made you want to change everything? Whatever it was! Tell all.
unfortunately the thing that inspires me most continues to be running/exercise. i cannot even begin to tell you how many plot bunnies/outlines i wrote in my head during runs last summer when i was training for a race. idk what it is, but when i'm locked in with my headphones on, my mind starts to wander and it gives me some really good ideas (and some wild ones, but those are fun too from a creative standpoint)
4) What is something you want to share about what you’ve written this year? A particular line, a comment that made you feel really good, a scene that was difficult to write — you get to choose! What do you wish someone would ask you about when it comes to what you’ve written?
god, i don't know. i've gotten a lot of really wonderful comments this year, too many to pick just one.
a scene that was difficult to write would probably be all of chapter four of orange juice, that fic overall is hard to write (but i still want to finish it someday)
but i write more fluff than anything so i also wanted to add a scene that was really fun to write, and that was writing mickey high as fuck in i need you (like cake on my birthday)
and to start off 2024…
1) Do you have any writing/creation goals for the year? What are they?
my goal for the year is to write two (2) complete multi-chapter fics. i mostly exist in the oneshot world in the shameless fandom, but i miss plotting big long fics and i really want to try and stick with at least two this year.
2) Is there a fic or idea that you’re really excited to be able to continue to work on in the new year (shout out to my fellow fic writing folks who take forever to finish wips, sometimes it’s nice to be able to continue working on something even if you wish you’d gotten it done! Now you get even MORE time with it!)
i think rock star mickey au is the idea that i most want to see come to life in 2024. i've been plotting it in my head since like july and one day i want to be confident enough to actually write the vision that plays on a loop in my subconscious.
3) What’s something new in your writing you want to try/are going to try? A different writing style? Different fandom? Darker works? Fluffier? Longer or shorter?
god, i mean, i guess i want to try writing more smut? i don't write a lot of it rarely any ever but i want to put a little bit in my big bang fic, and maybe some in some other fic ideas i have too. so yeah. maybe i'll try more of that in 2024 idk don't quote me on it.
4) What’s something you love about your own writing that you will continue to appreciate in the new year?
honestly i really like the way i write dialogue. it sounds very natural to me, idk if anyone else agrees, but when i re-read some of my fics i'm just like yeah exactly he would say that
(and maybe it's bad or wildly out of character but idk. i like it.)
tagging anyone who wants to play <3 happy 2024 my friends!
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hi! this is random but i just wanted to say that i really enjoyed on ur previous iterations when u posted music like one that sticks out to me was sparkdala by quasimoto and i was wondering if thats something u plan on doing again? i love listening to/finding new music and artists
anyways hope life has been going well on ur side of the screen recently friend🖤
of all the songs to come here n put in my head when i'm out of concentrates bestie istg..
but wow, cool, glad to know u enjoyed that stuff. hmm, another friend was telling me they missed me posting music too, n tbh i'm not rly sure why i stopped. i think probably the incessant terminations n remakes have kinda just eroded my capacity to share freely n invest emotional vulnerability in this blog, n that's one of the fronts that's taken a hit. it seems impossible that i'd go forever without at least semi-regularly sharing music, but i don't know when i'll next do that or if ultr[whatever it happens to be at the time] is the url under which i'd do it. hmm..
thanks for asking n letting me know u valued that. i'll give it some thought, n again i'm p confident i'll be posting music at some point one way or another.
hope u r n have been well bestie 🫶
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fic writer 20 questions!
1. how many works do you have on ao3?
30! all one-shots
2. what's your total AO3 word count?
111,322
3. what fandoms do you write for?
Most recently it's been only Doctor Who (thasmin my loves <3), but ATLA and Torchwood are also frequently written for. I've done a few for one-off fandoms like Pirates of the Caribbean, Psycho-Pass, She-ra (2018) as well, and hopefully sometime next year will be adding another fandom to this list!
4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?
All ATLA works that I wrote during 2020, so of course they got high, lol. Instead of listing those out, I'm going to give the top fic in each fandom I've wrote more than one fic for, just for some fandom variety:
ATLA: give it oxygen
Doctor Who: in another time
POTC: Call of the Sea
Torchwood: inconvenient situations
5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?
I do normally, because I love comments and getting to thank/discuss stuff with people, but this year I've been really bad at it (a massive flare of social anxiety) but hoping to catch up with all of the ones I've gotten before the end of the year!
6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Maybe ice cream, if only because that's canon compliant to TPOTD which of course has Yaz and the Doctor part forever. Otherwise, I don't really do super angsty endings, more like gentle future angst reminders (more so for the thasmin fics because that's just the vibe I love doing for them).
7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Maybe summer blooms, my atla maiko opus, since the ending being happy is a pretty big part of that fic.
8. do you get hate on fics?
No, thankfully.
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?
Not really that kind of writer! If anything, I prefer vague metaphors/implications.
10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written 11. have you ever had a fic stolen? 12. have you ever had a fic translated? 13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?
As with @dancingonmoonbeams who I got this game off of, I'll group these together since the answer's no to all.
14. what's your all-time favorite ship?
Probably Yaz and the Thirteenth Doctor tbh. Though Mai and Zuko hold a very special place in my heart (I blog more of them over on my other blog @drowning-in-cacophony ).
15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
My Finnick survives AU fic for The Hunger Games! It's a one-shot but it's giving me the worst trouble and I've been stuck on it for like two years. I'd love to do it though, since it's mostly about Annie (her POV too) and I love her.
16. what are your writing strengths?
I'd say metaphors, interesting sentences that stick in people's heads, and characterisation too.
17. what are your writing weaknesses?
I think my work often ends up 'top heavy', where the top will be full of descriptions and actions and build up, and comparitively the ending is a little shorter of a stop.
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I don't know another language, and I wouldn't want to butcher one with a translating energy. If I needed another language, I think I'd do the whole 'they said in [language] but written in english' thing.
19. first fandom you wrote for?
Agents of SHIELD, back in my ff.net days!
20. favorite fic you've ever written?
I love all my fics so, so dearly, but. maybe blue hour for thasmin? That fic reads like my dream fic honestly. (which is what I wanted when I wrote it)
tagging any mutuals/followers who want to do this!
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I see your point and I'm sorry if I misrepresented you, I used flippant phrasing. I was genuinely curious about why you were doing this. And in my first post, I was mostly just explaining the situation to you, tbh, which I meant to clarify last time.
To be frank, I honestly just see a lot of people who are very excited. It's a big upset and fans are always going to be childish. I think the "emotional investment" is very temporary. When the poll is over, the war will be over, that's what's nice about polls as opposed to real ship wars that drag on forever.
I think a lot of people understand this IS a silly thing, and that's why they're going wild. I noticed there were very few posts on your blog when I checked to see if you'd responded, so unless you're a major lurker who never reblogs or you remade, I'm guessing you're not super aware of the culture on this site and it's history re: supernatural and re the site's former extreme fixation on m/m pairings while f/f was shoved to the side, there are LONG standing feelings and it's intense on both ends. (but hey it's nice we agree politically!)
And again, I don't condone the use of the slur, but I don't know that person's identity, whether they can reclaim it, and they are one person. If we're not going to confront that one person, I think that's as far as we can go. I don't see a trend of violently homophobic language in sulemio fandom, if there was that would definitely need addressing but...there's not, so. That's where we are. I'm still pretty confused about your sample size, but I'll lay that to rest.
(btw in only the short time we talked there's been another tag talking about the reason sulemio are winning is bias against m/m ships)
We've both said our pieces, and honestly it's not that serious, can't believe I talked this much about this, so I'll lay it to rest here. Hope you have a good week.
also as an aside "I don't want your sleep to suffer" thing and probably something you've already realized, reading tumblr comments when you're trying to go to sleep is always gonna be a bad idea. Save your sanity and stick to books!
Tumblr Top Ships Bracket - FINALS
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/19da4fdf384611212222516f1405e1e6/01005fbc93286226-37/s540x810/ed6da46917ad999b9d8b24e1b032a4912ee8b433.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ee0b26941d2f5f7513946c0fab2ce43a/01005fbc93286226-9c/s540x810/8f8c6cd959a40c3422321de7608430c6fcb9ed0b.jpg)
This poll is a celebration of fandom and fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.
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Journal entry hehe
It's currently week #2 in the sonography program. So far, so good. I only have one class so far and it's a basic English class, so I don't even need to study (for now lol let us not jinx it suddenly becoming harder or something), and it's been quite simple. I had to take English anyway because it's been over 10 years since I took a basic English class at a university and apparently they can't validate classes I took that long ago 😅. I did complete a certificate program in copyediting in 2022, but technically those classes didn't matter either because they were intensive grammar classes and not "basic english" lol. Technicalities. The professor is a very nice person. I swear he isn't even that good at English (remember we are in Puerto Rico here and we speak Spanish 😆), like I can speak a cleaner English than him. But he's a good person and so willing to help everyone. I appreciate that and his positive attitude and wishes for our success. Anyway, this class will only run for I think eight weeks? And then I start the real deal sonography classes.
So let me get a little something off my chest. You know me, using this little blog as a journal sometimes.
I keep going back and forward in my mind about whether or not this was a good idea, tbh, but I have no idea what else to study at this point to save myself from forever doing minimum wage jobs, and like, never being completely financially independent (like affording rent, etc, I literally live with my mom and sisters because I can't afford everything that comes with living alone plus the extra expenses I have as a chronically ill person 🙃). I know for a fact I don't want to be a student for four or more years, though. I originally was doing pre-pharmacy in 2023 before my Crohn's disease health issues made me drop out again, and then I had emergency surgery April 2024, so I kinda dropped the idea of pharmacy (why in the universe did I think I had it in me to be in school for the next 8 or so years, anyway...).
I looked at it realistically. In Puerto Rico there are only three pharmacy schools I think, and the one I wanted to apply to only has 42 spaces available each year for over 2,000 applicants, if I remember correctly, and with my history of being a drop-out over the years (and my complete lack of extracurriculars they want you to have lol) I didn't stand a chance against the competition (meaning younger, highly motivated students with a bunch of extracurriculars and no dark university past and stigma of being a "university drop-out" several times), so I decided to be practical and just do a two-year program somewhere else. I'm an indie writer and musician, that's my main thing no matter how little money I make at it, so I just want a day job for the wage; what the day job is doesn't matter that much. It just has to be aligned with my personality to some extent. I like the idea of sonography a lot better than pharmacy (I was never good at chemistry), but in a diagnostic sense instead of the OBGYN field which is what I think my mom thinks I'm going for. She keeps discouraging me and shaming me for choosing sonography instead of elementary school teacher like my older sister, but I did the teacher gig for a private school in 2023 and I could NOT handle the kids at all.
I wish she'd stop doing that thing, discouraging me and making comments about my career choice and trying to constantly shame me about it and compare me with my older sister and just say how she has it so much better than I'll ever do, like I'll never have free time and I'll work all day and all night all the time, etc, because those comments influence me and just get under my skin, you know? Especially when she KNOWS how hard I've struggled in my adult life trying to better my situation. I start questioning myself and wondering if it was a bad idea after all. I want to stick to this and graduate and give it a go, and heck if I fail I'll just go back to minimum wage jobs, whatever, but I went into this with a very positive mind and it sucks that I'm constantly being put down and discouraged and even shamed by the very person I wish would be more encouraging towards me. I want to succeed, but there's so much negativity all around me. My sisters are supportive at least. My little sister is. My older sis is pretty neutral lol. Anyway, It sucks when nothing I do will ever be enough for my parents, especially my mom. Whatever I pick she will ALWAYS be against it and I just have to accept that and keep positive in my decisions.
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